#it has been decided from the beginning that it ends in despair

[senren]

If you are still active... please... that Chuuya brainwashed comic... I need a happy ending for them..

And you assume that my ending for it is happy oh my sweet summer child

[star-anise]

This is what the fight is like

Sooo, apparently the extremely tenuous and recent nature of the LGBTQ+ community's legal right to exist was not actually super widely known to a lot of people on Tumblr?

Which clarifies some stuff in retrospect. I have so often wanted to grab people by their lapels and shout, "Stop picking on someone for not meeting your entry requirements! We need everyone we can get, you asshole! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THEY HATE US OUT THERE?"

Aaaapparently... no, they did not know. Or they knew and were a conservative psyop preparing the ground for our loss of legal rights. Fun times!

So: Look, it is bad. Shit is scary. They really do hate us out there. You're not wrong.

But: This is what we've always fought. This boat we're in with its antique fittings and strange markings on the floor is a battleship. Work has always been going on in the basements, and when shit gets tough, we clear away clutter and roll out the cannons.

I found this chart a couple weeks ago and hung onto it because it felt like the map to my first 25 years on this earth:

[Image description: A graph titled "Same Sex Marriage: Public Polls since 1988." It is from FiveThirtyEight's NYT column. It records the percentage of US Americans polled who would say yes or no to legalizing same-sex marriage, from 1988 to 2011.

The two lines begin with roughly 10% saying yes in 1988, and 70% saying no; the two lines gradually draw closer over the years, until by 2011, the percent saying finally dips under 50%, and the group saying yes makes a tentative reach for the majority. End of image description.]

After some great social change has happened, when everyone has admitted that gay marriage is very cute and Pride is a colourful parade, hooray, people like to pretend that it was just natural and inevitable and happened on its own. People just became less prejudiced! Courts just decided on a case! Governments just passed a law!

In reality, it was a vicious fucking fight, every fucking time. Every fucking where. There are a lot of people who deeply, sincerely believe that a hundred years ago, society had good rules about sex and gender and intercourse and marriage, and that changing those rules has made the world worse. They don't always agree on the specifics, but they can work together far enough to fight anyone with new ideas.

This is why we are a community. Even when we don't have the same experiences of attraction or identity, even when we don't do the same things, even when we have wildly different ideas of a good time. Because when these groups take aim, we're all under fire, and none of us is responsible for why they hate us.

In some ways I think it's a miracle that there seems to be a generation that did not grow up, as I grew up, constantly glued to news reports about What Percentage of Society Hates Us this month. I can't imagine who I'd be if my brain and heart and soul hadn't been tied up, that whole time, in the political question of whether I'd get to dream of a decent future.

I think that it will give us strength to have people who can imagine a world where no one hates us. Who believe in it so strongly they can taste it. That's my prediction: If you didn't know this was coming, you'll be a boon to us, because we have always needed joy so fiercely, in this fight, to keep us going on. We have needed drag queens and punk bands and "her wife" and safe space stickers. Parade floats and wedding days and little dogs with rainbow collars, badges and banners and meetups, because more than anything else we need to fight our own despair, and our fear that the world will never get any better than this.

It will. We know it will. We can taste it.

Look up to the history, organizations, and people who've got us this far for information on what forms of activism will actually advance our political goals. Look to the side to make sure the comrades within reach are keeping their heads above water, and that you're keeping enough joy going to stay alive. Look back to see who's more vulnerable than you are that you might have forgotten or been tempted to leave behind. Look after each other. Look after yourself.

We can do this.

To your battle stations.

[zoe-oneesama]

From what I’ve know, the fandom mostly dislikes Andrey for reasons related to Chloe (bad mother etc.), but what are YOUR reasons for not liking her?

Cuz she's an asshole? On top of being qualified for the Top 3 Never Should've Been Parents to Begin With Award (next to Gabriel and Tomoe), she's an elitist dick waffle without any on screen talent to back it up. So she's a fashion critic. So what? What makes her qualified, have you seen her outfit? And I just have a special hate boner for people who look down on the service industry, so she already wasn't winning any awards for "firing" people left and right.

Meta-wise, I hate her because she just confuses things. "Despair Bear" makes it out that Audrey abandoned the Bourgeois when Chloe was small, though at least old enough to remember, so maybe at minimum 3 years old, though in a sensible universe, closer to 5 or 6. Yet despite being absent from Chloe's life for about a decade, if not more, we're supposed to believe Chloe is the way she is because she's emulating her mother...who isn't there to emulate? Okay. Sure Jan.

Totally unnecessary, Chloe's personality has a good foundation in the fact that her father is rich, powerful, and ready to drop everything to cater to her every petty whim. What does Audrey even add to Chloe's story as presented? Personally, I would've liked it more if Chloe deeply resented her mother and was determined to prove she was BETTER than Audrey. Then have her be frustrated and pissed off every time the two of them are accidentally in sync. Show me a love-hate relationship, at least that would've been interesting, and better yet, would've had something to say about a parent abandoning their child.

But the show just sorta soft balls it. Chloe and Audrey immediately "resolve" a lifetime of abandonment issues because another 14 year old pointed out that they both suck and the two bonded over the fact that she's...right? Audrey decides Chloe's name is worth remembering, she's worth staying in Paris for, and she's "exceptional" in less than 3 minutes because Chloe yelled at the Butler. And for the rest of the series, Audrey is just another Chloe-Patsy, doting on her like her Dad in "Malediktator", cowering under her outburst in "Sole Crusher", and acting as her enforcer when Andre ever puts up a fight. A duo made in hell, but they ARE getting along.

Which makes the leaks for how they're going to end things for the two are confusing.

I don't like Audrey because she was made to be unlikable, but I also don't like Audrey because of her effect on the story. She's used to excuse Chloe being The Worst because look! An Even Worse person! And she made Chloe sad! So you should ignore those several felonies Chloe's committed because her mommy sucks! Nevermind that Chloe and Audrey get along just fine now!

And on top of that, she's used to excuse Andre. Andre, who spoiled Chloe from the beginning, who acts as her attack dog when Chloe cries wolf, who's taught Chloe how to lie, cheat, steal, and bully her way to the top. Somehow HE is getting off scott-free now because He CaN'T bE a DirEcTor aNd fUlFiLL hiS dReAm cUz HiS wIfe'S a BiG meAnIE. Even though Chloe is mostly his fault.

Why couldn't Audrey just stay in New York so we can pretend she doesn't exist and just let Chloe's behavior make sense like it did back in Season 1?

[reishiboletus]

Panicked Confession

Draco Malfoy x Hufflepuff!Reader

Pansy Parkinson has been picking on you ever since she found out about your troubles and little crush on Draco Malfoy. Pansy’s bullying wasn’t even the worst of your problems though. Life is just… You’re distraught. Everything feels wrong. You feel wrong. Something isn’t right and you don’t have anyone to turn to for help. It’s all too much. You just want to collapse. 

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, bullying, breakdown, cursing, panic attack, su!c!dal thoughts, one minor mention of blood

Word count: ~2.3k

a/n: Fluff at the end! I love Draco so much. Maybe I'm self projecting onto Y/n, but I too, would love to be hugged by Draco Malfoy at Hogwarts lol 

It was during dinner that Pansy fucking Parkinson decided that you would be her victim tonight. Somehow, she found out about all of your insecurities and your teeny tiny crush on the Slytherin Prince. Pansy was not about to let another girl try and “steal him away” from her. Though he wasn’t Pansy’s. He wasn’t owned by anyone. That’s just ridiculous.  

Weeks prior to the abuse, at the beginning of the term, you and Draco got paired up (Much to Malfoy’s dismay) for potions and then for an essay in transfiguration. Although arrogant and snobbish at first, you somehow managed to get Draco to warm up to you. Perhaps the kind little smiles and waves you gave him as you entered or exited the classroom. You didn’t show fear when he approached, nor an undying love for him. You treated him like a normal person and were quite competent at your work. 

Which is how you somehow ended up here.

“You useless little, filthy, half-blood bitch! Why are you still here? Hm? Why show your face, you’re such a disgrace to the wizarding world!” She spat at you while leaning over your shaking figure on the ground. Pansy and a couple other Slytherin girls decided to drag you into the bathroom during dinner. “He’ll never love you. You’re a fucking Hufflepuff of all houses. He won’t even glance in your direction!” They screamed and cackled in your face. 

They pushed you over, tore your robes, pulled your hair, and kicked you to and on the ground. Believe it or not, Pansy and her friend’s bullying wasn’t the main cause of your worries. You could care less about them in all honesty, but this semester has been rough. Your mind was letting their words get the better of you.

Recently, you really were beginning to believe you were just a good for nothing waste of space. You should just squash your silly little crush like a bug, right? Kill it. Before it consumed you further. It was this night, where you truly believed their words. That you never stood a chance in gaining Draco’s love and affection. You wanted to escape reality. You wanted nothing more than to finally escape school and home life. 

After they thoroughly beat you down, they left you to your own despair on the cold, hard bathroom floor. You needed an escape from reality tonight. Your mind was getting worse, growing weak, why couldn’t you handle it anymore? You took off running. Not back to dinner in the Great Hall, but to the highest place where you could escape the chatter, murmurs, gossip, insults, all of it.

You clumsily ran up the stairs. To the top of the Astronomy Tower, that was where you were headed. Everything was crumbling inside of you. You’ve tried so hard, yet nothing seems to be working out in your mind. Your mind was falling into a hole that you weren’t sure you could climb out of. So deep, so far away.

Sure, you looked okay from the outside. Nothing was actually falling apart on the outside, maybe except your appearance. But your grades were good, professors liked you, you had a few good friends, maybe your family wasn’t all that perfect, but they weren’t physically abusive. Even if things hadn’t started so great, they were ending up alright. So why were you so broken still? Was it the past years of trauma that you’ve hid from? You couldn’t figure it out. Everything was too much, you couldn’t breathe. 

Reaching the top of the Astronomy Tower, breathing erratic, you flung yourself to the railing. Not to jump over, no. Just to hold onto something tight, to try and gain a sense of reality back. Your whole body was wracked with shivers and the occasional sob that you tried to hold back. It was growing difficult to contain any semblance of sanity that might’ve been left in your panic stricken mind. Was the world caving in? Or was it your conscience?

Your thoughts were a cacophony of anxiety, they clashed and clamored around the inside of your skull. They’ve longed to break out and be free. But you were scared to let them out and be seen, to be heard. You didn’t want to be vulnerable or “attention-seeking”. So, what could you do, other than just bottle it up? Tonight though, you shouted. You shouted over the edge of the railing at the top of your lungs until your voice was hoarse. 

Tears spilled over the edge of your eyes as you kept shouting. Some screams were just pure screams, others were just insults to throw into the void. Hiccups here and there from the violent sobs that wracked your trembling frame. It was piercingly cold, but you couldn’t feel anything, just pure numbness. 

As your voice ran dry of screams and cries, you sunk to the ground. Bringing your knees to your chest, you kept sobbing. Unable to hear any outside sounds from the static in your ears that buzzed so intensely, you never heard Draco approaching you. 

Draco thought it was a little odd that Pansy and some other Slytherin girls took you out of the Great Hall. He was pretty sure he saw them drag you out, but maybe that was his mind exaggerating. He somehow grew a soft spot for the little Hufflepuff girl. Draco didn’t understand how you did it, but all he knew was that he cared for you and liked you. A lot. 

After thirty minutes had passed and you still had not re-entered, but Pansy and her friends did, he grew slightly worried. They looked smug, too smug to be innocent. He had to go find you, as this was not like you to just leave your plate untouched, or so he thought. Draco stood up abruptly from the table, his silverware clattered from the sudden movement. 

“Oh, Dracy~ Where are you off to in such a hurry?” Pansy tugged at his sleeve with a doe-like look. 

“Buzz off Parkinson. This doesn’t concern you– Or maybe it does?” Draco yanked his arm back and out of Pansy’s grasp. He shot her a sharp glare and snarled out, “Do you have any idea what might’ve happened to Y/n?” A look of fright flashed over Pansy’s features. She did her best to play innocent, but that one second of fear was enough for Draco to understand.

“I have no idea where that filthy little Hufflepuff could have gone. Why would I care? Why do you care? She’s not worth your time! She’s a bloody Hufflepuff!” Pansy shot back, desperation in her voice as she tried to convince Draco to stay. 

“Parkinson, just leave her alone! You have no right to meddle in my business and relationships! Don’t you or anyone else ever lay a fucking hand on her again.” Draco growled back. He stormed out of the hall in a hurry, not caring that Pansy was calling for him, or that other students were starting to stare. He had to make sure you were okay. 

He burst into the girls restrooms, not caring that he wasn’t a girl. All that he was able to find in there were scraps of your papers from your bag on the ground and a few specks of blood here and there. Draco huffed in frustration, then quickly left the bathrooms. He wasn’t quite sure where to start looking for you, this school was huge! He’d never known you to be in distress or anything more than anxious for an exam. You never showed him any signs of this happening. He opted to just start walking, he would cover more ground than just standing around. 

The Astronomy Tower. That was his first choice, he figured that might be the best option. He would occasionally visit the peaceful place in the late hours of the night to clear his mind. As he ascended the stairs he could hear strangled, painful sobs. He knew it was you. His pace quickened and he was soon bounding up the stairs to rush to your side. 

Once he reached the top, his eyes flicked around, looking for you. It didn’t take long until his gaze landed on you by the railing, huddled up to your knees, rocking back and forth. Draco cautiously approached you, not wanting to spook you. Slowly, he knelt down beside you, one knee touching the ground, putting his hands on your shoulders.

“Y/n?” He started out, his voice gentle and full of concern. Your eyes shot up to him, panic swimming in them. His heart clenched at the sight of your frightened form. You saw his lips moving, but could not hear a single thing coming out of them. 

“Y/n? What’s wrong? Can you speak to me?” His worry grew as you weren’t responding to him. Only looking into his eyes with tears pouring from yours. “You’ll be okay. It’s alright, Y/n. I’m here for you…” He kept whispering out sweet little reassurances. Eventually your hearing came back to reality, however your breathing was still erratic as you cried. 

“Y/n,” Draco’s voice slightly wavered with concern, “can I hug you? Is that okay?” His words, soft and comforting, offered deep compassion for you. He understood that it was difficult for you to communicate in this state. Still overwhelmed, you mustered a small nod. Quickly upon watching your answer, he drew you into a tight embrace. You felt the warmth radiating off of him that shielded you from the harsh winds of the cold night. You could feel the gentle rise and fall of his chest and the steady sound of his heartbeat. 

“Follow my breathing if you can.” He whispered sweetly, while rubbing small circles into your back. Gradually, you were able to follow along, calming your breathing and senses down. Though the tears still fell thickly from your eyes, the hysteria was gone. Eventually you found your voice. 

“D-Draco, w-why are you up here?” Your voice was rough from tonight, cracking part way through your question. Your body was still shaking, but less so than before. 

“I was worried about you when you didn’t come back to dinner,” He sighed with worry laced in his voice. “I saw Parkinson and her friends saunter back in, but you weren’t there.” He continued to explain what happened between him and Pansy. His voice grew angrier and tenser with each sentence. He was breathing heavily when he finished explaining how he found you. 

You froze for a couple seconds, then snaked your arms around his waist, hugging him back. “Thank you, Draco.” You said with a small voice, “I-I’m sorry you had to see me like this. Everything became too much for me, and I– I just–...” Draco calmly shushed you as you struggled for words, one of his hands now stroking the back of your head. 

“It’s okay, Y/n.” 

“Thank you again, I just love you so much, I–” You paused, realizing what you just said. Flustered, you pushed yourself back a couple feet from his hold, looking anywhere but him. He stumbled back off his knees a bit, now sitting on his bum, looking flustered as well. Not quite as flustered, but blushing red nonetheless. 

“Y-you love me as well?” He asked, voice quiet, needing confirmation that he heard you correctly. 

“Umm, yes. I-I do quite fancy you, Draco. It’s okay if you don’t, I– Wait did you say ‘as well’?” No it was your turn to stare in shock, thinking about what he just asked. “Since when?”

“Since we had to write that transfiguration essay together.” He confessed, shyly rubbing the back of his neck. “I only recently came to terms with my feelings a couple weeks ago though.” You beamed at him, blushing even harder. Okay, so maybe this wasn’t the worst night ever anymore. Just a tad embarrassing to be confessing like this after having a full blown mental breakdown and panic attack in front of him. Not quite how you thought this confession would turn out. You actually had planned to just take this crush with you to your grave, not wanting to ruin the friendship you had grown with him. 

“I-I’ll confess, I’ve liked you ever since we were paired up in potions at the start of the term.” You chuckled at the memories of him huffing and pouting at the fact that he had to work with a Hufflepuff. 

“Hmm, I’m sorry I was so rude to you back then. You had done nothing wrong. Just merely been a Hufflepuff.” He teased at the end, earning him a small punch to the arm. He feigned offense and hurt at your playful act. “I’m so hurt haha.” 

“As if!” You let out a genuine laugh and it was like music to his ears. You shuffled closer to him again, sitting between his legs, facing him directly. Both of you gazed into each other’s eyes, mesmerized and gaining a new understanding for each. Slowly leaning closer, Draco delicately placed his lips onto yours. Your eyes fluttered shut as you reciprocated the action, leaning into a deeper kiss. Is this what bliss and heaven were like? You were sure you reached your utopia. Butterflies danced in your stomach and you truly felt sparks flying. After holding the kiss for a little while, you both pulled apart for air. 

Slightly panting and still staring deeply into his soul, you sat against him, your back to his chest. He wrapped his arms around your torso and rested his chin on your shoulder. 

“You’re amazing, you know that?” This time he sighed with content, “Don’t let Parkinson or her entourage tell you anything different. I’ll personally make sure of it.” You laughed at this then sighed with comfort as well. 

“Oh, but of course. You’ll protect me, my knight in shining armor!” You joked lightly, playing with his hands that lay in your lap. It felt so right, how your hands fit into his larger ones. “Can we stay up here just a bit longer? Just, hold me, please?” 

“Of course we can. I would love nothing more.” His voice hummed in your ears. So deep and calming in the cold and windy night. “Just the two of us.”

[brighttears]

Let Go

Joel Miller x reader

No physical description, gender neutral, no use of y/n

Summary: When Joel starts to doubt your journey to find his brother, all of his fear and grief crashes down on him, and he finally accepts you as a safe harbor.

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: Angst!, pet names (baby), language 

A/n: Here's something dramatic as fuck lol. I’m getting repetitive with Joel because like he has these few core fears and motives so i need to work on that … anyways here's some that-one-scene-from-a -marriage-story type shit (but not the angry part i just mean the like last 30 seconds…. and like waaay more wholesome. I am unable to end angst on an angsty note. If they won’t give Joel any happy endings I will just have to do it for them)

—

When you begin to enter consciousness, the arm you reach out for the body next to you only falls onto the mattress. It wakes you up instantly and you react faster than your body has time to wake up itself, almost falling forward as you hobble to your feet, you yell out for Joel, throat coated in sleep. You swallow, cough, and call for him again. 

“I’m here.”

The sound of his voice soothes your heart rate and you breathe deeply, walking from the bedroom into the dining room. Joel leans against the crooked, dust-caked table, back to you, staring out the near translucent front windows. 

“...What's up?” it isn’t unusual for Joel to wake up first, but normally he’d stay in bed and wait for you. His demeanor is worryingly off. He doesn't turn to face you but you see his head bow. Walking slowly into the dining room and sliding next to him at the table, you read him with ease—observing the rigidness of his body, the lack of response, and then the disheartenment over his face. You sigh. “Look, we’ve been out here for a long time, it starts to wear on you, but it’s just that. You’re tired, of course you are, Joel. But we’re getting close! We’ll find Tommy and then we’ll… well I don’t know but you’re gonna feel so much better once we find Tommy.”

“If we find Tommy.”

His words shock you completely. If he’s ever had any doubt, he’s never expressed it. Honestly, you saw him as drunk on hope sometimes. The more time you spent with him though, the more you learned about the inner workings of his brain, it isn't naivety, it's that Tommy is his brother, and at the very least, the search is a necessity. He needs an answer, and even if it’s not the one he wants, he needs to at least know that he tried, that he did everything he could. 

You’re scared that if Tommy’s dead it’ll break him. You’ve imagined it before, what Joel would be like empty. Even if he decided to stay alive, having lost another family member, the repercussions of that despair would be the death of him. You’d imagined how the acceptance that he never, ever surrendered to would look in his eyes as he gave in to being bitten or shot or stabbed. You simply wouldn’t be enough, and you’re not offended by it. You can’t outweigh the burden of Sarah and Tommy’s death, along with the countless others, many of whom you never met, who live only as ghosts in Joel’s head. Yes, you know loss well and have plenty of heavy ghosts yourself, but that’s only more to why you understand that you just wouldn’t be enough. Tommy would be the straw that broke the camel’s back. But that was all imagination; the contradiction of his behavior and his words were your solace, but now, for the first time, he’s straying from that. And he does it with his back to you, which he never does. 

Keeping your voice soft but firmer, “When we find Tommy.” you reassure him. 

Joel does not respond, only sighs, keeping his eyes forward. You detect a slight downturn in his lips, distance in his eyes and rare relaxation of his brow. He’s scared. He’s very scared. 

“Joel…”

Before you can add anything or your lifted hand can touch his arm, he says, still to the window, “I shouldn'ta brought you with me. I should'a left you in Boston.”

Taken aback, you physically recede. “What?” Is all that comes out of you.

He looks down and blinks a few times before speaking again, and the words march out from his throat—this was planned. While you were asleep, he was running this conversation over and over in his head. “If I was gonna do this I should'a done it alone. You shouldn’t be here.” His tone is perfectly even. Your heart sinks. 

“Joel what are you talking about? Why are you saying this?” your voice comes out at almost a whisper, throat and chest constricted by anxious dejection. 

“It was selfish.” There's a bite now and you see it’s twinge at the corner of his lip. His eyes become stoney, closed off, and he grinds his teeth together. “That’s all it was. N’ I’m sorry. You don’t belong out here.”

The last sentence pricks you with irritation. “I hate it when you patronize me like this, Joel—” you start, but he interrupts by talking over you.

“It was selfish because I’m putin’ you in more danger than you need to be, then you would’a been in in Boston.”

“I agreed to—” you try to interject but he bars you again.

“Jus’ let me finish this.” His tone is serious. “That’s all true. No matter how shit it is, it’s safer there. You know I care about you, I—I love you,” he still struggles with those words, only recently relearning how to pronounce them, “and I want you safe, I need you safe, and that would’a been the smart option. But I’m stupid and I’m fuckin’ selfish.” your brows knit in a micro expression, head tilted, watching him as he speaks, “N' I need you. Look,” he leans forward and closes his eyes before he continues, “I haven’t seen Tommy in a long, long time. All I have is… a loose idea of where he might have been, shit, whenever the fuck it was when we left. The closer we get, the more… lost I feel.” Joel’s voice is beginning to shake and you can't help but slump a little towards him. “I don’t know if Tommy’s out there. I don’t. I don’t. I want him to be but…” his mouth opens, closes, then opens again, but all that gets out is “I—” and then he opens his eyes and turns away from the table, pacing to the other side of the room, sounding frustrated, “Look, I don’t know if Tommy’s out there. I don’t know if he’s” you can hear his bottom lip wobbling and he cracks at the word, “dead. That’s the honest truth. And the farther we fuckin’ go, the more and more shit we run into, fuckin’ Infected, raiders, people—eveyrthin’. The more and more times I think I might be about t’… that you might die, the more I… I think maybe we never should'a left Boston.”

“Joel—”

“At least there I could protect you.” he begins to raise his voice, “I could get cards, I could trade, I had an in with the guards, we had food, somewhere to fuckin’ sleep everynight. I could come home to you, I wasn’t fuckin’ terrified every time you were outta my sight. Yeah, it was shit, and I didn’t think so then—I couldn’t see it then, but it was safe. We weren’t riskin’ our lives every fuckin’ day like we are out here. An’ winter’s comin’ and I barely know where the fuck we are, I don’t know how I’ll—we’ll—I—” he lets out a sharp breath and leans a hand onto the wall he faces.

“Joel, you’re just tired. You’re underfed and underslept. We’re gonna be fine.”

“Stop fuckin’ sayin’ we’re gonna be fine.” he snaps, whiping back to you, “You don’t know that! Every fuckin’ day we…” whatever look he sees on your face interrupts his train of thought and he strides towards you and puts his hands on your shoulders, “I’m not tryna be mean, baby, I just—” he searches your eyes and turns back. This time he turns, passing the head of the table and walking towards the open kitchen. “This was stupid and reckless. I went out n’ risked the only thing I have left. It was stupid.” he hits his head with the heel of his hand and you rush over, grabbing his arm to turn him around.

“Joel, stop it. I understand, you’re scared—”

“I’m not scared—” he glances away from you.

“Yes you are.” you tell him sternly. “And it’s fair. You don’t know where your brother is. And it’s fucking scary out here. I get scared! But I keep going, we keep going. And we’re in Wyoming now! We’re so close! We are going to find him.”

“Well we might fuckin’ not, and then we’ll be stranded here in the middle a fuckin’ nowhere Wyoming, in fuckin’ winter, no protection, not from raiders, Infected, we could starve—shit” his pitch heightens, “I am scared. I’ve started havin’ dreams about…” he digs your eyes again and rips away from you, making a sound and running a hand through his hair. Then his voice is loud and shuddering, “If you get bit, I’m—I’m gonna have to shoot you. I see it every goddamn night. Clear as day.” At that, he cracks, his shoulders jolt once and he stops a sob right before it leaves his mouth. 

The sound startles you. “Joel, baby,” You move towards him once again to rub your hand up his back. He lets you for a moment but then pulls away.

“I can’t—no, I, I c…” he trails off again. “Should’a never taken you with me. Should’a never fuckin’ left, because, becau…” he struggles with himself. When he turns and finally looks to you, Joel’s eyes are wet. “I can’t fuckin’ do this without you.” Joel rakes both his hands through his hair, “And I don’t want to fuck up n’ it gets you killed, and I will fuck up, and I just–” he spins back, then rips his hands away to swing to his sides, “I can’t lose you, I can’t.” when he turns back to you the tears are barely hanging onto his waterline and he raises his voice, “I don’t know what to do, because I–Jesus fuck.” turning again, he takes a few steps forward and then reverses them. His breathing is heavy and he’s sniffling. “I fuckin’ hate this.” His voice is low now, “I hate–I hate carin’ about people, cause I'll just lose ‘em. I just lose ‘em. I just lose ‘em.” he trails off, near whispering. “I can’t fuckin’ lose you. Not you.” he speaks up, shaking his head, “Not you.” He finally turns to look at you but then swings his head down to try to hide the tears that have begun streaming down his face, “Fuck. I’m sorry. I should’t be sayin’ all this. Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“Joel,” in an instant, you've wrapped your arms around him, holding him to you by his neck. He falls into the embrace, wrapping his arms around you and pressing his brow to your neck. You hold him tightly as he starts to shake, you know that he’s trying to hold back the tears. “It’s ok.” You reassure him quietly, sweeping a hand up and down his back. After a moment Joel complies and his body begins to tremble as he weeps in your arms. You hold him tighter, more securely to you. Losing control, Joel starts wailing, grabbing at you. He slides down to the floor, pressing his face into your belly with his arms still wrapped tightly around you, you lower yourself slowly with him, and on the ground, he crumbles in your arms.

It’s frightening. You’ve never seen him like this. You’ve seen him shed tears, get emotional, you’ve had him vulnerable, you’ve seen him even completely relaxed one or twice, but you’ve never seen him torn open like this. You’ve never heard these sounds. His body is shaking uncontrollably, not like you know it to be. His hands grip the fabric of your clothes tightly. The dam has finally broken. It’s heart wrenching. He must have been holding this in for years. 

You hold him for a long time. He keeps trying to stop the crying but the current floods everything in him, and the only way to stop himself from drowning is to let it break and release it out into your body, wearing you like a lifejacket. Once he quiets some it still takes awhile for his body to quit shaking through sob-like breaths. When his breathing slows, you can’t tell if he’s fallen asleep, completely lax in your arms, face weighing into your shoulder. But then he moves, pulling himself up to sit, his head hanging. His voice is quiet and hoarse and he sniffles, “I’m sorry.”

“You have no reason to be sorry.” you move to hug him now with your arms around his neck, “I love you.”

Joel wraps his arms around your back, pulling you closer to him, basically onto his lap, and murmurs, “I love you so much.” After a few deep, slow breaths, he pulls away, removing you from his lap, he rubs his hands over his face, mindlessly searching the floor. “I shouldn’t be putin’ all this on you. I’m sorry. I don’t want y’ to… think of me like this, shakin’ on the ground.” he sniffles hard and then looks up, only to your clothes, “Shit, did I fuck up your clothes? Fuck.” he goes to flatten out where his hands as gripped them, brushing over the wet spots from his face, nose, and mouth. “Fuck.” he mumbles. 

His face is blank and he won’t look in your eyes—he’s trying to cover himself back up. You don’t think he remembers how to not anymore; you’ve seen it so many times, when he really opens up, spreading open his skin so you can really look inside, it never lasts long enough for you to be able to reach into him. But you can tell he’s so desperate for it, to be seen, to let go. You can tell by the way he’ll hold onto you sometimes, when he doesn’t want to let your hand go, squeezes you in this certain way, and this look in his eyes sometimes, there's such a deep longing, and desolation, but then he blinks, looks away, and it's gone. It’s not something for you to bring up. You just try your best when you see it to somehow communicate to him that it's okay, he’s safe with you. You think he knows that, he’s never done anything to show disagreement, he’s let you in much further than he has anyone else, but there's parts of himself you can see him still hiding away. And now, he has just completely broken down before you. And this is not his role—Joel is a protector, he thinks he needs to be armored all the time, that he’s the one to comfort, not to be comforted. He’s the one to hold onto, to crawl into, to be safe in his arms with. It’s not hard to see through him and past it, though. You wonder often if, before all this, did he already have all this concrete stuck on him, or is there’s a version of him you never got to see? Right now, Joel is completely raw, and you want to hold him here, because you need to tell him—

“Joel, it’s ok. You can relax. You’re safe with me. You can let go with me. You can be soft with me. I’m not going to hurt you. I love you, I want you, I need you to know that you're safe, you can let go with me.” You tilt your head to try to get under his eyes and gently pull a hand over his cheek and towards you to lift his face to look at you. He follows your touch but struggles to meet your gaze; and you are patient with him. Always. God, his eyes are devastating when you finally see them, you swear they're going to be the death of you. Unable to help yourself, you start kissing his lips softly. He only lets you—kisses you back, but there's none of the usual zeal. He really did just drain himself. He makes little noises when your lips meet his, but they’re more like chirps than anything else, another sound you’ve never heard from him. These are some of the sweetest, most innocent kisses you’ve ever shared. They need not be rushed, hungry, desperate. They’re basic, simple, candid. 

And then you just breathe with each other, lips still almost touching, and then he pulls you into another tight hug, arms around your neck with you back in his lap, burying himself into your collar. He’s held you like this countless times, but this has a new, full tenderness. He finally surrenders and lets it flush him. His breaths are deep, slow, and even; they feel like his lungs can expand fuller than before. You feel it warm on your skin, under his nose in the dip of your collarbone and his brow against your neck. He’s heavy, resting his weight on you, not holding it back. Never has he been this unwound, the only comparison being sometimes in his sleep, but his sleep is not a safe place for him. This is. 

He takes a deep breath and he doesn’t have to speak for you to hear the I love you. You rub a hand up and down his back, turn your head to kiss his head and then bring him closer to say it back. 

[yueisyum]

Can I ask for a short smut pleaseeeeeee? This is an idea from Jaemin's live. Like he was putting lip balm on you and decided to kiss you to transfer the balm and ended up having a make out session which also ended up having sex hehe.

Woah 😮 that’s actually so cute-

“Hey, y/n,” jaemin calls, he’s sitting right next to you but still out of your line of sight. The hotel has been quiet ever since you too got back from down town. Instead of doing dining crazy, you both decided to sped some quiet time together. you look up from your phone, placing it on the hotel bed, then look up to your boyfriend. You find yourself faced with jaemin, who’s mouth is… shinny? Glossy?

“What the heck is on your face?” You question, your brows wrinkle together and your try not to make such a stank face. he’s been sitting next to you for almost an hour, so your confused as to how he’s done this without you noticing. “I put too much chapstick on, com’er” he quickly explains. he leans in, lips puckered and eyes closed. When he doesn’t feel your lips on his, he peeks and he’s met with your palm. “I can see that, you look like you’ve just eaten a tub full of fried chicken” you giggle.

He rolls his eyes, but you can tell he’s trying not to smile. “Let me give you some-“ he tries to lean in again, but it’s too late, you’ve already decided to mess with him.

“Are you trying to say my lips are dry?” You pout, still avoiding his advances. “Y/n, come here.” He sits up now, climbing over you. “Or is this all an excuse to kiss me?” You turn your head away from him. And you swear you hear a growl leave him. The smug look on your face was unavoidable. “Baby…” he calls, but you don’t dare move. After another moment of him staring daggers into your cheek, he Huffs.

His hand finds your jaw, and turns your head to him, forcefully. But he doesn’t Lean in to kiss you just yet, because your giggling your pretty little head off. So instead, he just smiles. After a moment of your fit, you open your eyes and look at him.

“Are you done?” He asks, a fake annoyed expression on his face. You’d describe it as pouty.

“Mhm” you bite back a smile, allowing your eyes to find his lips. The look you give him, makes him week. “Oh? Now you want me to kiss you? After all that?” He asks playfully. You wanted to keep teasing him, only because he just looks so cute right now.

“Jae… the chapstick is basically on your chin-“

But alas, he wouldn’t let you, instead he connects your lips to his. The chapstick effectively coating your lips.

Phone and chapstick long forgotten, you lean into him, holding his face in your palms. The sudden desperation makes him smile. Grabbing ahold of your thighs and pulling you down the bed a bit. Your head hits the pillow and your back is now fully pressed into the bed instead of the headboard. “Are you in the mood?” He mumbles into you, his hands grabbing at the skin of your upper thigh.

How could you not be in the mood- you’ve been in the mood since he walked out of the bathroom with that stupid tight, black t-shirt, hugging his arms-

“Are you?” You ask, breathlessly when he pulls away. His knees on either side of you, feeling up and down your body. He only laughs at you question, because you already knew the answers. “You think we can skip prep?” He finally asks as he climbs back over you. “Jaemin, lips please!” You whine, he’s used to this behaviour, so he finds his lips back into yours. Earning a satisfied moan from you.

You can hear the handling of his pants buttons, trying to get himself free as fast as possible. Then, to your utter despair, he pulls away. “You want me to eat you out baby?” His tone was flirtation but at a whisper. A dangerous smile on his face. “You already look like you have” you giggle out. Making jaemin deadpan to you. “That’s a no then? Okay” he shrugs, pulling away- teasing you with the same smile as before. But you know he’s trying to hide it. “Guess you’re not in the mood”

You don’t break, not until he begins re-buttoning his jeans.

“Wait!”

“I knew it, my pretty baby wants me and my chapped lips?”

“Don’t ruined it-“

Not proof read. All the other request are long, so I tried to get a quick one out!!

[rushtoprove]

the things we do for love

summary: Aemma Velaryon is the daughter of the Princess Rhaenyra and betrothed to Aemond Targaryen. Their young love blinds them to the bitterness between their families, but slowly their fantasy begins to unravel with time. How did the purest of love turn into such bitter hatred?

7. heightened tension After eight years, Aemma and Aemond are forced to meet again. The two find it hard to differentiate between desire and despair.

masterlist

word count: 4433

i'm going to end the taglist because half the names don't link and i've convinced myself this story is going to go way to long and people will get annoyed at being tagged becuase this is only the start really.

warnings: 18+ mention of gore and violence. heavy sexual references and nsfw scenes. medieval period misogyny. dark!aemond and dark!aemma. you don't survive the game of thrones being nice. read at your own discretion. aemond and aemma don't understand love. lots of swearing.

“Exciting. Exciting.” The single word had been muttered repeatedly for the past half an hour. The constant reminder of what was approaching, who was approaching, had Aemond on the verge of slicing his knife clean against his father’s neck.   Once again, the young prince found himself shoulder to shoulder with his family, this time wating for the arrival of Aemma Velaryon. His father had received the news that his granddaughter was arriving at midday and found the impending appearance to be a most joyous occasion and declared the whole court must wait in the yard for her arrival. It seemed he was the only person excited for the return of the bastard. The Hightower clan stood sombrely by King Viserys’s side.  

“Brother. You could say you are sick. You can go back to your chambers.” Helaena whispered quietly in his ear while they stood, sweating underneath the hot sun. Aemond stayed silent, but he did straighten his back and sharpen his glare. He would not cower beneath this cunt of a woman, but instead he planned on making this visit hell for her. The empty eye socket of the prince had been aching since the moment he had been told of this dreaded visit, but he could not decipher whether the pain was truly there. He cursed over it being something that only ached at the mention of his old friend, a physiological scar from what he had been through that night.  Their leather and silks weighed them down in the heat and Aegon cursed over how late this was becoming.  

“Perhaps we should wait in the keep husband? She may have been delayed?” Alicent delicately placed her hand upon her husband’s arm and tried to guide him away, but Viserys shrugged her away and clutched tightly upon the railing before him. 

“She shall not be much longer. Perhaps the rest of our dear family has decided to attend. It takes time to ready many dragons.” Aemond and Aegon both scoffed at their father’s suggestion. It would be a dream come true for the old king to have his family reunited once more, but all knew that Rhaenyra and her bastards would not step foot in King’s Landing. Alicent simply frowned at her sons before turning forward and staring stoically towards the entrance. 

"Perhaps she needed to make a stop on the way here.” Helaena quietly suggested, and her father simply muttered an agreement. He did not truly hear her words.  

“Perhaps she fell, landed on a tree and the branch ripped out her eye?” Aegon whispered his suggestion to his brother before dissolving into quiet laughter. Aemond could not help the corner of his mouth curving at the idea. What sweet justice that would be.  

“Perhaps.” 

“OPEN THE GATES!” The order was screamed out and the yard was immediately silenced. Everyone seemed to hold their breath in anticipation, and Aemond seemed to be hit by the reality of who he was about to meet. As the gates were slowly raised, the sound of metal clanking and wood creaking faded. His vision blurred and he found he could no longer see anything before him. The blood from his face rushed inwards, leaving him pale and his forehead clammy, and his knuckles tightened into a ball. He ignored the feeling of blood trickling down tightened fists. He forgot he had been twirling his dagger only moments ago.  

“Lord Corlys of House Velaryon! Lord of the Tides, Master of Driftmark!” The guard announced as everyone watched the mighty Lord Corlys ride in upon his horse. An array of wagons and soldiers followed the old soldier, but his granddaughter was nowhere to be found. With deep breaths Aemond centred himself in his reality and glared forward ominously.  

“Your majesties. Your grace’s.” Corlys moved to bow before them once off his horse, but Viserys seemed deaf to his greeting.  

“I do not see Aemma.” He craned his neck and leaned forward, making three soldiers shoot forward to catch the man if he fell. While everyone turned their attention to the King, Aemond allowed his gaze to stay on Corlys and watched the uneasiness that took over him. 

“Our granddaughter decided to pay a visit to her lady mother. I expected her to already be here but perhaps she has been delayed?” He offered up the reasonable explanation, but Viserys was quickly riddled with fear. 

“We shall send out a party to find her! We do not know what has happened!” The king stumbled away while the vision of her falling from her dragon mid journey once again flashed in Aemond’s mind, and by Aegon’s giggles, you could assume his as well. It was quickly put to an end by the echo of a large screech filling the sky. The courtiers cowered as the noise grew louder and watched in fear as a shadow darkened the yard. 

“Ah! Here she is.” Corlys smiled and moved to stand beside the royal family while Alicent gasped out shockingly. 

“She cannot think to land it here! She must go to the dragonpit!” No one could reply, but instead everyone watched as the mighty beast slowed its speed to land. The fast-approaching claws and the wings that seemed to extend over the castle left many running to seek shelter, but Aemma seemed uncaring as she allowed her fearsome dragon Terax to land within the walls of the courtyard. The moment its feet touched the ground it let out a roar that seemed to shake the foundations of King’s Landing and Aemond could not help but reach out a protective arm Infront of his mother. 

“The fucking idiot.” He seethed quietly into his mother’s ear while she clutched him in shock. Helaena had been moved to shelter by Sir Criston while Aegon had slyly stepped behind his brother. Viserys and Corlys smiled widely. 

“Aemma!” Viserys could not contain his excitement as he watched a figure fall from the saddle. Bright silver hair swayed with every step she took, and Aemond found himself unable to breathe. The closer she got the clearer her features became. He had spent eight years imaging how her appearance would have matured, but nothing compared to reality. She held the true beauty of a Targaryen, with her deep blue eyes and flawless skin. Her face was sharper and her back straight, the stance no longer carefree like it was in childhood. Her saunter was dominating under the gaze of all the courtiers, and she held herself in the way only a noble princess could. 

“Grandsire.” She smirked before pulling off her gloves with her teeth. She kept her eyes on Viserys and Corlys, ignoring the figures looming beside them, and only bowed to the king. She heard the whispers from the courtiers, who had scurried back to their places, over the obvious snub towards the Hightower’s. 

“Terax must be taken to the pit!” Someone called out in horror making Aemma let out a laugh. 

“You may try!” She was delighted in their fear. Stalking forward proudly, Aemma managed to hide the nausea and fear that was pulsing through her perfectly. She had been dreading this moment all week, or more to the point eight years.  

“Come! You have grown so beautiful. So mature! You are a lady now!” Going against all protocol, the king pulled her tightly into him and placed a firm kiss upon her head. Something deep inside Aemond ached at the display of affection from his father, but he chose to ignore the feeling. Aemma used the opportunity of being buried in the kings' arms, to quickly gaze upon the cunts beside him. Alicent had her mouthed turned down in its corners, staring at the scene in anguish. Aegon and Helaena were also staring in despair as if the act foreign. But it was Aemond who she truly cared to see. Her breath hitched at the site of his sharp jawline, his slender towering figure. His hair silver that seemed to sit perfectly upon his broad frame. She let her eyes hover over his eyepatch before moving down his body before his attention was caught by his bloodied hand. 

“You’re late.” Corlys scolded her while quickly squeezing Aemma’s shoulder. Being brought back to herself, Aemma shrugged and straightened herself. 

“Mother would not stop crying, and Luke tried to clutch on to Terax’s leg. It was quite the scene.” Viserys laughed loudly at the thought of his lost family and let his arm wrap around Aemma. She flinched as his joyous laughter turned into and awful coughing fit that seemed louder than all the dragons in the kingdom combined. 

“Princess Aemma. It has been a long time since we saw you last.” Alicent tried to force a smile, but it seemed to resemble more a grimace. Aemma tilted her head in fake thought. 

“Yes. Eight years now. Last I saw you; you were chasing me around trying to carve out my eye.” 

“Aemma...” Corlys tried to hiss out a warning, but Aemma breathed out and turned to Aemond with a sickingly sweet smile. 

“Speaking of losing an eye, what do you plan on doing with that dagger?” Everyone turned to follow Aemma’s gaze and watched as Aemond slowly uncurled the fingers that had wrapped around the blade. Blood seeped from his wound making Heleana gasp and move to reach for the bloodied palm, but he shook her off and stepped forward ominously.  

“I have not decided.” Aemond seethed at how proud she stood. She was nothing more than a bastard and an animal. Aemma had taken his eye without a second thought and now she had the nerve to stand before him with a grin. He should take her life then and there.  

“Come now Aemond. Is that the way to greet an old friend?” Aemma was overwhelmed with hatred for the man. She remembered the threats he had cursed at her the last time they had seen one another, the vile insults he had hurled at her family. She should take his life then and there.  

“Princess Aemma.” Aemond and Aemma stood staring at one another intensely, but the small greeting left her no choice but to slowly tilt her head to see who called for her. Princess Helaena stood with a bright grin and was almost as excited as her father. She had been let down many times believing her family would return, but now that they stood before one another she was in a happy disbelief.  

“Princess Helaena. My, you are a sight.” Aemma tried to hide the shock of Helaena’s good nature, but she could not hide it when she took in how large Helaena’s stomach had grown. The small girl seemed to almost be buckling under the weight of her pregnancy, but no struggle could be seen on her face. 

“I have missed you so dearly. It has been so long!” Before Aemma could register, she was getting pulled into another hug while everyone stood tensely around the two girls. Helaena squeezed so tight Aemma thought it might have been a plan of attack. Perhaps she thought to steal the breaths from her lungs and watch in glee as she dropped dead in that very moment. But when Helaena pulled back still smiling and with tears in her eyes, Aemma knew her to still be just the gentle and loving princess from her youth. 

“Yes. A long time. Let us get you sitting for I can’t imagine how it feels carrying that around.” Pointing towards Helaena’s swollen stomach, Aemma winked then turned on her heel to stalk forward. She made sure to push her shoulder hard into Aemond’s on the way past. Without fault everyone stumbled forward to follow her, leaving the Hightower’s to curse at their lapse of strength. 

“How goes your mother Aemma?” Visery’s heaved as he tried to keep up with her quick pace, but it was fruitless as his knees began shaking and his walking stick wobbled.  

“Pregnant. Again! I told her she needs another pastime!” Aemma called it out from over her shoulder but did not slow down to walk with her grandsire as he roared out another laugh. He began coughing straight away. Lord Corly’s took the moment to speed up and fall into step with the young princess. 

“Have you forgotten why we are here?” His voice was low with disappointment, but Aemma cared not for his lecture. 

“Daemon thinks he is getting poisoned by those green cunts. And looking at the man I think it to be true as well. Those leaches are killing him slowly and controlling his power. The bastards must...” 

“We are here to gain funds for our war efforts Aemma. And you are right. The power now lies with the Hightower’s so bringing up past issue and taunting those ‘green cunts’ will only weaken our standing. It is crucial we do this right Aemma. The lives of our soldiers depend on it.”  

“So, we are to suck up to those who wish us dead? Who wish our family dead? I hear the whispers Grandsire. I know they are still whispering of the legitimacy of myself and my brothers. They are treacherous foes, and I will not stand to watch this kingdom crumble under their forceful clutches. I will let every soldier die if it means I can rid this realm of green.”  

“Then you are a fool Aemma. You are blinded by hatred and nothing good will come from your need for revenge.” If not for the following crowd trying to catch what was being talked so quickly about, Aemma would have halted and turned to the man in anger and made sure he would never press her again. However, Aemma had enough wit about her to know this conversation needed to stay private, so instead she wrapped their arms together and pulled herself to be resting her head on his shoulder. It would look affectionate to onlookers, but Aemma leaned in close and spat the words into his ear. 

“I care not for revenge. I only care that my family is safe. That the shame and fear they are forced to hide from is crushed at the very source. Do not lower me to nothing but a crazed woman Corlys. I do not take lightly to men looking down on the future heir of the seven kingdoms. I will have their heads. Nothing will change that. Not even little Helaena being so naïve to think we are still bonded. All those wicked cunts will die.” She threw back her head and laughed as if she had made a joke to the onlookers, but her grandsire remained quiet in thought. 

“You are too much like Daemon. You think I do not burn at the sight before us. Your grandfather, although we have had our disagreements, has been a strong leader and kind man. It pains me to see him so frail... so weak. Otto Hightower has been my enemy since the days of our time on the small council. If I had it my way the bastard would have died by my hand many years ago. But it is important to remain collected in moments like these. Please, just follow my lead and not that of your... of your stepfather.” The two stared at each other as they finally reached the banquet hall and remained quiet as everyone finally caught up. The conversation could go no further. 

“You have a fast walk, Princess Aemma.” Otto Hightower had a way of sound as if he was talking down to anyone he ever met. Aemma wanted his head on the end of her sword. 

“Battle keeps me moving Otto. Perhaps you need some time in a war to sharpen your senses.” Aemma seethed at the old man who simply smirked down at the girl. 

“A woman. On the battlefield. You are a phantom little Aemma. A unique specimen. This kingdom shall be grateful for such a capable ruler.” The king was heaving as he made his way past and into the dining hall. From the corner of her eye, she saw the queen and her children move forward to follow him, so she quickly moved forward to cut them off and take her place beside the King. She revelled in the whispers of the courtiers that stood analysing each move between the family.  

“Is she allowed to do that?” Aegon scoffed in wonder as he watched Aemma walk into the room before Queen Alicent.  

“Must you be so awed by the bitch brother?” Aemond growled as he pushed the imbecile forward to follow. All he could hear was the rushing of blood within him. It felt as if everything was coming to the surface, and he was to burst at that very moment.  

“Ah you are not one to jest about awe brother. We both know where your sick obsession...” Aegon stopped the taunting as he felt the blade of Aemond’s dagger press firmly into his lower back. 

“I dare you to say one more word.” They were both tense as they walked into the hall while Helaena waddled behind them.  

“Come Helaena.” Aegon grunted at how slow his wife moved making Aemond’s entire auror darken even further. Pulling back, he reached out for his sister’s hand and guided her to the head of the tables, where the rest of their family was making themselves ready. Alicent dutifully places herself at her husband’s side, Lord Corlys sits on the other side of the king. 

“Oh, what of Aemma?” He coughed out, but Aemma simply placed a kiss on his forehead. 

“Only one seat further down.” She spun on her toes with a smile but was instantly halted and found herself glaring at who was to be seated beside her. Aemond and Aemma both held tightly onto their neighbouring chairs as they realised, they would have to sit beside one another. Neither could move, and the tension they shared between one another seemed to seep into the entire hall. Everyone went silent, waiting to see what would happen. 

“Princess.” Aemond’s jaw was tight and his posture stiff, so watching the sight off the man pull out her chair made Aemma smirk and suppress a spiteful laugh. 

“Ever the gentlemen Prince Aemond.” She graceful took her seat but was unable to notice Aemond flexing his hand as it hovered above the exposed skin of her neck. He stood staring at the soft flesh in desperate need making him hate himself entirely. He could not deny the desire that had flooded his veins, but he swore to never act upon it.   When he had not yet taken to his chair, Aemma turned to look at him from beneath her eyelashes and for the hundredth time that day Aemond found his breath caught. His eyes could not move from her neck as he came to the realisation that tightly clasped around it was the sapphire necklace that she had made to celebrate his thirteenth name day. His covered eye burned at the thought of that fucking sapphire.. 

“Come brother. I need to have a goblet.” Aegon pulled his younger brother away from the court’s curious gaze leaving Aemond to rigidly take his place between his brother and his nemesis. He ignored the worried stares from his mother and his sister, instead choosing to snatch the wine from his brother and begin to pour himself a much-needed drink.  

“And I too.” Aemma’s voice was low as she pushed her empty goblet forward, leaving Aemond no choice but to politely fill hers as well. He cursed her for such an obvious show of power. 

“Take it.” He growled pushing back the only half-filled cup making Aemma roll her eyes. 

“Please. Why are you offended?” She snapped at him before quickly throwing the goblet back and downing it in one breath. Aemond did the very same thing. 

“Do no humour me. Why are you here?” His growl shook her to her core, but it was in the most delicious way. 

“Not to see you if that is what worries you. I am on business from the Stepstones.”  

“Begging for assistance from the crown, I am sure. You are weak. Your army failing. So here you are, crawling back on your hands and knees wanting for nothing. Do you have no shame little Aemma. Were your plans not to never return? To kill me if you saw me once more?” Aemond poured himself a wine as he jeered at Aemma, but seemed not to notice himself move to refill her cup. 

“I believe I said I would only harm you if you were to pose any threat to my family. I also did not say I would kill you. I simply said I shall take your other eye. Also, what does the wine have to do with this?” Taking the dagger Aemond had left a top the table, Aemma began twirling it into the polished wood, and they watched as it slowly shaved it away. Aemond’s dried blood was left to flake away onto the wood beneath.  

“You find it so easy to jest of that night.” Aemond turned his stare forward, leaving him unable to see the way Aemma stops for only a moment, ready to disagree. But instead, she too turns her attention forward.   They sit in silence for some time, listening carelessly to talks of the nobles around them. Aemma could truly pay attention to nothing but the heat that seemed to radiate of Aemond beside her. She cursed herself internally as she found herself squeezing her thighs together tightly. To Aemma’s surprise, she noted Rodrick floating around holding tightly onto his sword. He was aware of the tension between these families, and he would not hesitate to save the princess. With a smirk, she beckoned him forward to stand before herself, and happened to be in front of Aemond. 

“I did not see you when I landed?” Aemma questioned, the dagger still digging into the table between herself and the prince.  

“I stopped to see my mother. You gave me the idea.” Aemma scoffed, remembering the harassment he had made her endure, desperate for her to contact her mother. 

“You are funny.” She did not smile as she said it, making Rodrick smile softly. 

“And how was your mother?” 

“Pregnant.” 

“Who the fuck are you?” Aemond finally snapped, turning his rage towards the lowborn knight that had considered himself worthy to step up towards the royal table. 

“This is Sir Rodrick. My sworn protector.” The man bowed as Aemma introduced him, smiling into her wine goblet. 

“Must you chat so loudly? I am beginning to get a headache.” Aemond glared at both. Rodrick bowed and turned to leave but Aemma was having too much fun.  

“My mother was grateful you managed to convince me to visit Dragonstone. She is hoping to meet you one day Rodrick.” Aemma made sure Aemond was witness to the flirtatious gaze she sent the knight. 

“I would be honoured, your grace.” He eyed Aemma the same way making Aemond flex out his hands and place them flat out across the table before him. 

“Perhaps after this visit I shall fly you to their home?” 

“You know I will not go on that dragon. I much prefer to simply watch you atop that beast.” Biting her lip, Aemma made sure Aemond could see her cross her legs over one another. Lightly trailing her fingers atop her skirts, Aemma allowed her eyes to linger upon the knight for a moment. She did not truly want him, but to Aemond it would look the case. The prince watched in disgust as the man finally moved away and turned his darkened gaze to the cunt beside him. 

“You are just like your mother, I see.” He snarled out the comment, and Aemma instantly let the dagger come to a still. Slowly turning, she become alert to the danger. 

“A powerful heir?” Aemond snorted as if he had heard a joke. 

“An interesting choice. Your age it seems. And handsome. For what duties did you choose the boy for?” Aemond’s gaze did not break from Aemma, who was now scratching the dagger into the table. The blade moving back and forth between them made them both tense for what was to come. 

“Sir Rodrick has been by my side for years now. He understands the true nature of what it is to be in a battle. I need someone like him to protect me. Not a boy who play pretends with a wooden sword in training yard as to show off in tournaments. “ 

“You are a liar. Your intention with that scum is obvious. Like mother like daughter Aemma.” 

“You best be very careful with what you are about to say.” She gave a final warning as she looked at Aemond. For a quick second she had a random memory of them laughing in their secret field hidden across the beach. Throwing their heads back and giggling like the children they were. 

“You lust for men in armour just like her. Is he your Harwin Strong? Are you to whore yourself out to someone so beneath you. Mother his bastards. Bring shame to this ancient family? You are nothing more than a...” Aemond was silenced by the all too familiar sound of his blade slicing through the air. The flash of silver almost crippled him instantly and he had no choice but to squeeze shut his last remaining eye. He was sure he would not open it again. 

“Aemma!” Corlys cried out as the hall screamed out in shock. Alicent sprung to her knees to defend Aemond once more. 

“Be lucky it was not your last eye Aemond Targaryen.” He slowly peeled back his gaze to see Aemma had shoved his dagger between the gap in his fingers, causing no damage to anything but the table beneath. Sir Criston bolted forward to pull Aemma away, but Aemond quickly stood to his feet and placed his arm out to halt his movements. 

“It is fine. The princess slipped.” He looked down as she stood to face him. They were close, and if it was just them in a room perhaps it would be intimate. But the eyes of the courtiers and the dagger stabbed between them made it nothing more than a staring contest. 

“I am sick.” She stated loudly. Twisting harshly, Aemond felt her hair whip into his face, and watched her stomp off with Corlys running behind her.  

Closing his eyes, Aemond breathed in deep. He had missed the floral scent of her hair.  

[corrodedseraphine]

alone together | one shot

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

summary: When nightmares and lack of sleep become too overwhelming for you you try to find solutions in weed. It turns out that the day you turned to Eddie Munson for help, the deal you made involved much more than that. angst/fluff, stragners to friends to lovers

10 337 words (including alternative ending)

TW: mentions of death, nightmares, weed use, mentions of an accident

the one shot is also avaliable on ao3

I got inspired while listening to Alone Together by Fall Out Boy

In this story I wrote two endings, the alternative ending can be found as a link in the story, also the very last part is an extra, you don't have to read it if you don't want to, I just decided that reader kinda deserves this kind of It's finally here!

Big big big shout out and many thanks to my friend @i-me-mine for wearing shining armor and figting with the insecurity dragon in my head like a pro, I wouldn't finish this story if not her support and advice ♥

eddie munson masterlist | general masterlist

Darkness and sudden blinding brightness ran through your head alternately. A deafening bang and then Steve And Robin carrying you out of the mall. Where is he? Joyce is running. She is running terrified toward Will and Jonathan. After making sure her boys are safe she sees you. She runs up all crying repeating over and over how sorry she is and hugs you tightly. Still dazed you don't know what's going on. Where is he? You look at the despair in Joyce's eyes, your senses slowly returning to you and with them the ability to understand what is happening and why she might be sorry. You jerk out of her embrace, your legs trembling but running ahead towards the gallery entrance. You stumble over the untied laces in your shoes, then you fall for the first time. Joyce is at your side again, asking you not to go back there, but you don't listen to her. Once again you tear yourself away from her and run on, calling out to him, hoping that he will come out soon, safe and sound, but nothing happens. You are already at the door when you feel Steve and Jonathan pulling you aside with all their strength. They are stronger than Joyce. You can't get away from them so you scream even more. You beg them to let you go but they don't listen to you. With all your strength you try to escape them, kicking, screaming, choking on your own tears but they won't let go. Steve pulls you to him even tighter and you drop your strength letting him hide you in his arms tightening your fists on his Scoops Ahoy uniform. From afar you hear the sirens of police cars and ambulances, when they arrive on the scene and approach the three of you, you repeat over and over that he is inside there, that they need to save him, that he needs help. A group of firefighters goes inside. Time begins to pass a million times slower, an eternity passes before one of them comes out saying that there is not a living soul inside. This is impossible. Feeling you trying to break free again, Steve squeezes you even harder.

The nightmare of memories of that night comes back to you several times a week. It has been months since the final battle with the mind flyer and the Russians, and yet although the wounds on your body look healed, the mental ones seem to grow deeper by the day. Nightmares, pain and longing are devastating you from the inside. You can't remember the last time you slept a full night, the last time you didn't wake up feeling exhausted. 

Plunged into your thoughts, you sat next to Robin on the benches in front of the school watching Eddie Munson and a boy you don't recognize disappear into the woods, the place where he handles all his not necessarily legal business. Then an idea popped into your head. You sprang to your feet and told your friend that you need to do something urgently. As you reached the picnic table you see the boy closing the metal box and about to go back to school. In the distance you hear the bell ringing to signify the end of break. 

"Eddie!" you shout, not wanting to miss your chance.

The metalhead turns around at the sound of your voice. Of course he recognizes you. From the very beginning of school you've attracted his attention. From the very beginning he has been fighting a dangerous fascination with you. He never thought in his life that his name would come out of your mouth, so he turns puzzled in your direction and what he sees begins to worry him. Your pale face and the shadows under your eyes speak for themselves. Ever since the starcout fire in which your father died, you have been languishing. You were less and less every day, which he understood perfectly, but he couldn't help but want to approach you and offer any kind of support. Your situation was already so awful that he quickly gave up the idea because he claimed that if the rest of the school saw you in the company of The Freak it would make everything even worse. Now that you were standing in front of him he had two choices. Ignore you for your own good or stay. 

"Hey," he said, smiling. "What's up?"

"How much weed can I buy for this?" you asked, pulling a few bills out of your pocket.

He knew he shouldn't pry. He knew he should never pry into the reasons why people turn to him for drugs, but, damn, after all, you weren't some ordinary customer. "Are you okay?" he asked, approaching slowly. "Have you ever smoked it?"

"No, but I've heard it makes you calmer. I need it Eddie, please." Your desperation was evident at first glance.

"Let's make a deal, okay?" he said sitting back down at the picnic table and opened the container. Later he patted the seat next to him indicating for you to sit on it. When you were next to him he began to speak further. "You tell me what's going on, and you'll get your first dose for free," he said.

"I can pay you, you can't just give it to me." you muttered.

"'kay, then another way... I won't sell you anything until you tell me why you need it." Nervously, you stared dully into the tree in front of you. You didn't know what, but there was something about him that made you feel safe. Your heart told you that you could trust him, but your brain screamed that confiding in a drug dealer might be a bad idea. Then you looked at him. Big chocolate eyes full of warmth kept their gaze on you.

"I really don't want to hurt you y/n." he said with concern. "I know you might have heard different things about me, but I have to worry you, most of them are not true." he laughed lightly.

"I'm not afraid of you Eddie..." you said quickly. "I'm just not sure I'm ready to talk about all this." You lowered your gaze locating it on your hands.

"Is it about your dad?" he asked quietly.

"Have you ever had nightmares?" you asked without raising your eyes. You didn't want him to see the tears in your eyes. You didn't want him to see what a mess you were in.

"It happens, usually when I watch too many horror movies, then I dream about Michael Myers chasing me all over Hawkins, and because I avoid PE like a fire I don't even have the energy to run away." he tried to make a joke to lighten the situation, but seeing that they were a bit out of the mood for jokes he stopped right away. "Sorry..."

" 's okay"

"Y/n look at me, please." When you raised your eyes he frowned. He had never had the chance to look at you from such a close distance. And now that your glazed eyes were looking at him he couldn't get out of admiration of how beautiful they looked. The tears added to their shine. However, he quickly chased these thoughts aside. He will be in awe of you later, because this situation will definitely not leave his thoughts for a very long time.

"That night..." you began, breathing deeper and deeper. "At Starcourt. It comes back almost every night. I relive it all over again, every time I close my eyes I see everything all too clearly." You hid your face in your hands ashamed of how your tears began to get out of control. In truth, you didn't want to break down in front of him, but day by day you had less and less strength to somehow keep yourself grounded. "I heard that it helps to calm down...I thought that if I calm down I will finally be able to sleep normally, I can't remember the last time I slept through the night, I'm so damn tired, Eddie, so damn tired..."

Then he decided to take a chance. He expected many things. Most of all that you would get up and start yelling at him that he should stay away from you, that what was he thinking. What he didn't expect, however, was that when he embraced you you immediately leaned toward him cuddling your face into his chest. Robin hugged you many times. Steve hugged you many times. Jonathan hugged you many times before they left for California. However, none of this equaled the feeling you got when Eddie hugged you. Seeing your silent permission he pulled you closer to him and began stroking your back. When your sobs subsided he still embraced you with one hand, and with the other he opened the box taking out a small sachet and handed it to you stopping his hand on yours a moment longer than he should have. As you began to pull the money from your pocket he half-stopped you saying it was a special offer for the first deal, but you put them in his jacket pocket with a quick motion.

"Can you show me how to do it?" you asked staring at the object in your hand.

He knew it was completely out of place but he couldn't hold back a soft chuckle when he heard the question. As you embarrassedly began to move away from him and stood up from the bench heading in the opposite direction from the school. 

"y/n!" he called out standing up quickly. "I don't know where you're going, but do you have room for one more troubled soul?" He didn't know how many months he had spent wondering what it would be like if he could talk to you, spend some time with you. He didn't know how long he had been trying to get rid of his hopeless fixation on you, but nothing was working. While chastising himself in his mind for taking advantage of such a delicate situation, he knew he had to give it a shot, as it might be the only opportunity he would get. "Since this will be your first time with this kind of thing I could be with you then, y'know, just in case..."

"I'm not in the mood for jokes Eddie..."

"I know and I'm sorry! But I promise not to make a single hopeless and stupid joke again!" You could have just ignored him at that moment, but something inside prevented you from doing so. Some strange attraction and the need to feel again as you did the first time he hugged you wouldn't let you just walk away. You wanted his company, you wanted him to be close.

"I don't know where I'm going..." was all you answered.

"We can go to my place." he suggested, and you agreed.

When the last bell rang for today you left the school heading towards the parking lot. Right next to you walked Robin. When you told her that you wouldn't be going home with her and Steve today she insisted that she needed to "explore the area."

"Hey Munson!" she called out walking up to the van he was standing by.

"Hi?" he said surprised as she measured him from head to toe.

"I just wanted to see for who my best friend was ditching me today, and you have my blessing. You two have fun!" she exclaimed, hugged you goodbye and disappeared.

"Sorry about her." you said quickly. "I don't have a lot of friends here besides her and Steve, so she was a little surprised when I told her I was coming back with you today."

"Understandable." He nodded thoughtfully. Did that mean you now treated him as a friend?

"Anyway, my presence in your company has been approved, so shall we?" he smiled charmingly, opening the door for you like a true gentleman. You ignored the fact that your heart skipped a beat when you noticed the dimples in his cheeks.

It wasn't until you pulled into the Forest Hills Trailer Park that Eddie's excitement turned to concern. He didn't hide where he lived but he realized that his place of residence was one of the reasons he was being laughed at. He hesitantly looked in your direction and noticed that you were looking at him. When your gazes met you smiled slightly and got out of the car. Was he hallucinating or did you blush for that brief moment?

"Welcome to my kingdom," he said letting you into the trailer. You looked around with curious eyes.

"Wow, that's huge." you said when a collection of caps and mugs caught your attention.

"My uncle is crazy about them, whenever he is in some new place he has to bring back at least one cap and mug from it." he laughed.

"This is so cool!" you said. "My dad used to do the same thing with lighters. At home we have a lighter from every possible state." After a while, only sadness got to you, reminding you of the real reason for this visit.

"So, are you ready?" he asked seeing your face slowly fade.

When you entered his room, for the first time in his life he regretted that he had not cleaned up. The room was in chaos, but you didn't seem to care. When you sat down on the bed, step by step he showed you how to roll a joint and you fired it up. The first few gushes made you cough, but eventually it calmed down. Feeling the stress caused by this meeting drain out of you, you began to feel more and more comfortable.

"How are you feelin?" he asked with a grin.

"Good I guess," you shrugged your shoulders. "Thank you for inviting me here," you said.

"Believe me, the pleasure is definitely on my side." his smile was now much wider.

"I like your smile a lot," you giggled, feeling increasingly relaxed and funny.

Normally he would have said it was some strange weed-induced hallucination, but this time he was completely sober. The situation seemed so surreal that he pinched his arm to make sure it wasn't a dream. "That's a good thing, because I really like yours." he finally replied.

"Will you tell me more about this game?" you asked changing the subject. When he noticed the small figure in your hand he had to think for a moment. You didn't seem to be one of those people who would suspect him of worshipping Satan through a board game, but somewhere deep down he still felt insecure. "My friends play it too, but somehow I never got into it," you said.

"Do you really want to hear about it?"

"Yeah, if you feel like it."

Needing no further encouragement, he began to explain to you what it was all about. Later the topic descended to the campaigns he was involved in, and you absorbed every word he said. He was an amazing storyteller, and you were happy to be drawn into his adventures forgetting everything else.

"This really seems like fun." you said leaning against the wall taking one last inhale. "What if I told you that Demogorgons exist?" the words slipped out of your mouth before you had time to think them through.

"Part of me would think it was pretty sick and metal but the other part would go insane of fear." he laughed. You wanted to reply however you were overtaken by the loud sound of your stomach burping.

"Shit, sorry." you said embarrassed.

"How about some pizza? A pretty girl shoved some cash in my pocket today, she stubbornly refused to take advantage of my special offer." He winked at you while standing up.

"Apparently she appreciates your work." you said back.

Thus, the evening passed exceptionally quickly for you in Eddie's company. You ate pizza, and in the meantime he told you about his ideas for new campaigns. When at some point he left and went to the bathroom you were left alone in silence. Suddenly his bed began to seem a little too comfortable for you. You lay down for a while inhaling his scent from the soft pillow. Without even realizing it, you fell asleep with peace of mind.

When he returned to the room and saw you lying snuggled into his pillow he stood up as if he were stunned. It must be a dream. It must be the most beautiful dream of his entire life. Still unmoving from his spot he wondered if he should wake you up or let you sleep on. After all, that's what this was all about, right? That you would finally get some sleep. Selfishly, he allowed himself to enjoy your presence for as long as possible. Pulling an old blanket from the closet and taking a pillow from the living room couch, he made himself a makeshift bed on the floor next to the bed. He nervously wriggled and were sitting up from time to time reassuring himself that all this was not a product of his imagination and what was happening was true. You were there. You were sleeping peacefully in his bed. At the very thought that you felt safe enough to do so he had the feeling that his heart would explode.

It was reaching nine in the morning when you woke up. For the first time in a long time you were well rested. Slowly opening your eyes and lazily stretching, you noticed that you were wearing yesterday's clothes. Later you remembered that the bed you were lying in did not belong to you at all.

"Shit!" you cussed quietly, jumping off quickly.

"What happened?" asked an alarmed Eddie from the floor.

"I am so sorry!" you began. "I don't even know when I fell asleep!"

"Hey, it's fine, chill." tried to calm you down.

"Did you sleep on the floor?"

"Apparently it's good for your back" He smiled broadly. "So, we achieved the goal?"

"No nigthmares, and I haven't felt so rested in a long time." You said calming down slightly.

"I'm glad I could help."

"I should go now, Robin must have lost her mind by now that I missed the first lesson."

"Yeah, okay." He didn't want you to go, but nothing was coming to mind that he could stop you with. "My uncle- he uh, he's just sleeping on the couch in the living room, poor guys work night shifts so we have to be quiet."

You tiptoed out of the room and quickly put on your shoes, then left the trailer, and Eddie gently closed the door behind you.

"I'm sorry again," you expressed, standing in front of him.

"You really have nothing to apologize for." he said, sitting down on the stairs. "I spent a very nice evening." There was that smile again. What was going on with you? His presence made you nervous, but it wasn't the nerves you were used to in recent times. This was something new, something that made you want even more Eddie Munson in your life.

"Me too, but I made you sleep on the floor, it feels bad." you sighed.

"And I feel great." he lied. The truth was that the pain in his neck after that night was killing him, but it was definitely worth.

"Thank you Eddie. For everything."

"At your service, m'lady. Shall I give you a ride home?"

"No, no need." Then, with an uncertain step, you approached the stairs and bent down to hug him. "You don't even know how much you've helped me." you muttered into his neck. Stepping back, you waved goodbye to him and headed for home.

Looking at your receding silhouette, he recalled with disbelief everything that had happened since you ran up to him in the woods. That day he came to one more conclusion. Eddie Munson was in love with you and this time he had no intention of denying it.

Full of hope in the middle of the night you did everything as Eddie showed you, unfortunately your sleep did not last long. Woken up by the same nightmare as always since four o'clock, you didn't sleep a wink. On Thursday you fell asleep and woke up every two hours or so. You didn't understand anything. After all, everything had worked the first time.

When Eddie heard a knock on the door on Friday night, not knowing who it might be, he didn't open it at first. He was too busy thinking what to do to get the courage to do more than smile at you in the hallway. Many times seeing you somewhere he felt like coming up and talking to you but always halfway through he gave up and changed direction. What if you didn't want to be seen in his company? What if that evening meant nothing? And he would never have the chance to spend time with you again? But you had to run out of pot at some point, and then you would come for more, right? Seeing your overtired face at school and blackened eyes, he was beginning to doubt if you were even using it. All the what ifs stuck in his head were definitely holding him back.

The knocking on the door was getting more and more overbearing, adding to his irritation.

"Jesus H Christ, WHAT?!" he shouted annoyed opening the door immediately regretting it. You stood in the doorway shocked by his reaction. You glared at him with wide hard eyes, noticing that he immediately softened at the sight of you, but you still couldn't get a word out. Thinking that coming here was a mistake you began to back away slowly.

"I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you." you muttered.

"Wait, please!" he stopped you by grabbing your wrist. "I didn't mean to shout, I just had a shitty day today wasn't expecting anyone..." he began to explain.

"Sorry, I'll just go." you interrupted him.

"No, come in, please." he said quickly. He hoped you didn't notice how desperate he felt for you not to leave. "We can be alone together, right?"

"I just... I don't understand. I did everything as you showed me and it still didn't help. It's like it stopped working...Maybe I need something stronger?" you said stepping into the trailer.

"Woah! not so fast, okay? Come on, we'll try again, if that doesn't help, we'll think about another solution." 

"But..." You weren't convinced, your desperation to finally start sleeping normally without nightmarish memories recurring in your dreams was pushing you very far.

"Please, let's just try." He really cared about helping you, but he knew that something stronger instead of solving the situation could only make it worse, and he definitely didn't want to be responsible for that.

You sat down more comfortably on his bed this time sharing a joint in half. One puff for you, the other for him. The first few minutes passed in silence between you.

"What, do I have something on my face?" you asked when you noticed him looking at you.

"Yes, tiredness." he said with a wince.

"Really? I didn't notice." You rolled your eyes.

"In that case, you're welcome." He winked at you.

"Thank you, you're a great friend!" you laughed throwing a pillow at him. Being with him was easy for you. In his presence you forgot all your worries, he was like a lifebelt when you were drowning in your nightmares and fatigue.

"Are we friends?" he asked raising his eyebrows.

"I mean... I would like to be your friend, I know we haven't known each other very long, but I really like you Eddie." You said confused not knowing how to read his reaction.

"It will be an honor for me." He nodded handing you the joint.

"So, firend, what do you usually do when you can't sleep?"

"I don't have much trouble sleeping, but I remember that when my mother died I was in a similar situation as you."

"Oh, I am so sorry, I didn't know..."

"It's fine." he waved his hand. "I remember at the time I was unlikely to have nightmares, but there were nights when I couldn't sleep at all. Then Wayne would come to my rescue and read me books until I fell asleep."

"Sounds nice." You smiled slightly. "When I was little my dad always told me bedtime stories. He always preferred to make up something himself rather than read." your heart contracted at the mere mention. You could still hear his voice in your thoughts. "Now all I can do is read to myself." you sighed.

"What about your friends?"

"All of them... have moved on. They are there for me when I need them, I know they care about me, but they are starting to put their lives back together after all that has happened. I know that if I just asked them in the middle of the night they would come to me without hesitation, but I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to disturb them. Just because I didn't move on it doesn't mean they have to, too." Tears came to your eyes. You had just considered each other firends and here you were already pouring your heart out in front of him.

"You don't feel like a burden now do you?" he asked as if reading your mind. Embarrassed you just lowered your head and drowned your gaze in your hands. "Y/n look at me." he asked. "Please don't feel that way."

"I'm sorry." You mumbled.

"You're more than welcome here y/n, trust me." he moved closer to you. "I had a shitty day today, but you being here made me have a really good evening, y'know?" He smiled slightly. "And damn, today I gained a new friend! What could be better?" His smile was contagious, and seeing that, he continued. "As your new friend, I want to offer some help." He grabbed a book lying on the bedside table. "But maybe you want to change first? I mean not the way you are thinking, Jesus- I mean sleeping in jeans can't be very comfortable, I can get you something to change into," he began to explain and turned towards the cabinet looking through his clothes. Luckily he was standing with his back to you so you couldn't see his burning cheeks. When he handed you some clothes, you thanked him and disappeared into the bathroom. When you returned his heart froze. He didn't expect the sight of you in his clothes to be so overwhelming. His old gym shorts fit you perfectly emphasizing your curves. The old T-shirt with the Metallica logo was a bit too big, but the whole thing made for a really beautiful view. A view that made him hot. He pushed all thoughts aside focusing on his task.

"Lie back and get comfortable, I would like to invite you to go on an amazing adventure with me."

"I don't want you to sleep on the floor again because of me, Eddie."

"I will be fine, promise."

"Maybe...we can share the bed? It's big enough for both of us, friends can sleep in the same bed and it won't be weird, right?" even though your voice was quiet in his head it sounded like the world's loudest bell.

"S-sure." he replied. With each meeting you surprised him more and more with how willingly you allowed him to be close to you. When most people rather avoided him like a plague you circled around coming closer with every step.

Reading Eddie in truth took you on an adventure. The Hobbit absorbed you to the point that instead of falling asleep you listened avidly to the continuation, constantly asking Eddie for one more chapter. His voice enchanted you, you felt like you were being transported to a completely different dimension. One in which only the two of you existed. You didn't know when you found yourselves so close to each other.

"Eddie?"

"Yeah?" he looked away from the book. He looked beautiful. How could you not notice before how handsome he was? Mesmerized with the veiw you forgot what you wanted to say. Why did his lips suddenly look so kissable? "y/n?" he asked seeing the lack of response on your part.

"Yeah?" you shrugged.

"Did you want to say something?" he chuckled.

"Oh, yes I um-" you began to stammer. "Thank you." that was the first thing that came to mind.

"That you didn't leave me alone with all this."

"I was serious when I said we could be alone together."

"I'm glad to have a friend like you Eddie." you laughed quietly charmed by his words.

You went back to reading. You made it through the next two chapters when finally your exhaustion won out. As you listened to his words slowly begin to blend together you drifted off.

That night there was no trace of the nightmares. Instead, you dreamed of green hills, and gardens among them. At one of them was working a contented Dustin who was much shorter than usual. Walking further you heard the sound of a guitar, intrigued you entered the house placed in the hill. There you were greeted by Eddie with a broad smile that you were beginning to adore.

"Hello m'lady." he said putting down his guitar. "Are you ready for an adventure?" he extended his hand toward you, and without hesitation you grabbed it. Feeling happiness and excitement fill your soul you knew you would have followed him to the end of the world.

The tranquility of your dream didn't seem to be shared by Eddie. This time he was the one who didn't sleep a wink all night. His initial delight at the fact that the girl he had long dreamed of felt safe enough with him to just sleep in his bed was gradually overshadowed by anxiety. Eddie was never one of the optimists, so all the dark scenarios easily possessed his mind without letting him fall asleep.

As the sun began to rise over Hawkins Wayne found his nephew on the steps in front of the trailer. His face was worried and his leg was shaking nervously.

"What's wrong, boy?" he asked, sitting down next to him.

"Can you promise me you won't freak out?" Eddie asked in a slightly trembling voice.

"I'll do my best.""Do you remember Hopper?"

"Of course I do, we were buddies back in high school," Wayne responded.

"His daughter is sleeping in my bed now." Seeing the surprise on his uncle's face, he continued before his thoughts moved in the wrong direction. "It's not what you think! She came to me for weed. Yes, I know you don't approve of what I'm doing, but we're not talking about it now..." he explained step by step how the development of your relationship looked. He admitted that that day you also slept at their place, and then for the next few days nothing helped. Now, once again being in bed with him, you had no trouble falling asleep. "I don't understand it, why does it only work when she's here? What if she will think that I am giving her something else? That I'm intentionally drugging her with something? Jesus, Wayne what if she thinks I want to gain her trust just to hurt her?"

"Slow down a bit son! First of all you are overthinking, and second of all I think you've watched too many movies."

"But-"

"If I were you, I would think about whether weed is actually the solution in this situation. It seems to me that something else might be her calming factor." the man smiled slightly as he saw how his nephew still couldn't comprehend it. "That poor girl is alone every night in an empty house that reminds her of her father's death, no wonder she can't fall asleep there," he said.

"She said she still has nightmares about that night..."

"What time did she fall asleep?" asked Wayne looking at his watch.

"Uh, I don't know, around eleven?"

"So she's been sleeping for about eight hours now without nightmares or awakenings. As a serious parent, I should give you a pep talk and a scolding about bringing girls home at night." he laughed. "But our family has never been normal, so I guess I need to make you aware that you're probably the one calming her down, my boy."

"What?" That was impossible. Or was it?

"You heard me. Now come inside." he patted the boy on the back. "Eddie?" he whispered as the younger Munson headed back into the room. Metalhead turned around with a questioning look. "Make sure he stays for breakfast, or lunch, whatever is ready when you get up."

When he returned to the room he found you sitting on the bed.

"Hey are you okay?" he asked sitting down next to you.

"Yeah, but still probably a little tired." you yawned. "Are you okay? You look worried."

"You know I want to help you right?" he asked quietly.

"I know, and I'm very grateful to you for that." You placed your hand on his. "I've always thought you were a good person. I know that everything others say about you is nonsense. Believe me." You sent him a reassuring smile.

"Do you want to sleep for a little while longer?" he asked smiling back.

"Sounds great."

Once again, you fell asleep without the slightest problem in no time. Eddie, wondering about his uncle's theory, also finally gave in to tiredness. He also thought that seeing you as the last thing before sleeping was like winning the lottery.

Days slowly turned into weeks, breakfasts into lunches and lunches into dinners, and you became a regular visitor in the Munson's trailer. Wayne as well as Eddie very quickly adopted you into their warm and family home. When you weren't spending time at school or with Robin and Steve the only place you could be found was at the Forest Hill Trailer Park. You spent very little time in your house and when you did it was mostly talking to Joyce and the rest of the family about how they were living in California. You missed them terribly, but you didn't want to move to them despite the many times they convinced you to do so.

Your friendship with Eddie was developing at a deadly fast speed and the boundary between you was blurring just as fast. So was the distance between you shrinking in every way. The closer you got to knowing him, the deeper you fell into the hole. He was there for you whenever you needed him. He always listened with patience to what you had to say, offered a shoulder when you needed to cry, and immediately afterwards, as if by magic, he made you laugh and made the sun shine in the sky again. He was more than happy to let you in closer, telling you about his childhood, how he ended up at Hawkins, trusting you like he had never trusted anyone before, revealing his darkest corners to you, and when, in a gesture of comfort, your hand touched his or he felt your arms wrap around his waist he felt something entirely new. He felt peacefulness. He was used to being alone, and knowing that you were now alone together brought with it a significant improvement in his life. Until now, he hadn't cared much about his own fate, but your presence made him realize that he was capable of so much more. With your support, he felt as if he was actually able to reach the stars. You have always held a special place in his thoughts, while he was convinced that you were just a silly high school crush, but now you have made a warm nest in his heart. Little did he know that in the meantime he had also found a way into your heart and for that moment he was already knocking on his door.

You were sitting with Robin on the benches in front of the school when you noticed a familiar silhouette approaching in your direction

"Hey!" he greeted you. "You left this at my place yesterday, good thing Wayne noticed because otherwise you could have said goodbye to your reputation as a perfect student." He handed you your homework.

"Shit, I completely forgot about it! Thank you my knight."

"You're welcome my lady." he bowed low. "See you later?"

"Sure!" you replied with a broad smile.

"In that case, dear ladies, let me take my leave for this moment."

"Be safe my dear friend!" you waved goodbye. As he was walking away halfway he turned in your direction once again due to which he missed and bumped into a trash container standing in front of the school. Seeing this you chuckled.

"When are you going to tell me about it?" your friend asked, bringing you back to the ground.

"About what?" you asked surprised.

"About what's between you two? Don't get me wrong, because I love the fact that it happened, but I haven't seen you as happy as this in a long time. You spend almost every free moment with him!"

"Because we are friends Robin!"

"I don't recall me or Steve making you turn red like a tomato."

"Well, okay maybe you're right, but how do I know he feels the same way?"

"Moments ago he called you his lady, he looks at you with the same admiration with which he would look at Ozzie, for heaven's sake!"

"What should I do?"

"Ask him out on a date."

"Do you think I should?"

"I think you should."

"Yeah, maybe I should." you slowly nodded.

The first lesson for Eddie lasted an unmercifully long time. Completely uninterested in what the teacher was saying, he was scribbling in his notebook when someone said your name. It was one of the cheerleaders who sat in front of him.

"Did you hear that y/n is now hanging out with The Freak?" whispered one of them. Unfortunately loud enough that Eddie could easily understand everything.

"Some say they're dating." replied the other.

"No way, I don't think she would ever fall that low."

"People do strange things to deal with grief. Maybe he gives her drugs for free?"

"I don't know, but after her father died, she got really weird. Maybe they even fit together?" she shrugged her shoulders.

"Maybe. What are you wearing to Saturday's party?" they changed the subject.

Listening to their conversation about himself, all his happiness evaporated. He felt as if he had defied the wall. When the bell finally rang he wanted to leave the classroom in front of which you were already waiting for him.

"Hey!"

"Oh, hello." Seeing your wide smile, he couldn't help but reciprocate it.

"Are you okay?" you asked sensing his sad mood.

"Yeah." he lied. Even if he wanted to tell you what was going on he couldn't.

"I wanted to ask you something." you said nervously. "I heard there's a drive-in cinema event this weekend..." you took a deep breath. "Maybe you would like to go there with me? For a date?" You did it. You managed not to panic and get the last two words out. Your pride in yourself, however, did not last long. After a moment of silence, Eddie burst out laughing. That was the moment when everything fell to pieces.

"I see you're in a joking mood today." he replied. Fortunately, the doorbell rang.

"I have to go." you muttered, turning your back to him. Grateful that you could get lost in the crowd of students going to classrooms you thanked god that Eddie didn't witness your demise. 

you can find an alternative ending here

From that moment on you avoided him like a fire. You didn't even look in his direction. Eddie didn't quite understand why there was such a change in your behavior. He missed you unimaginably, and the pain he felt when you changed the direction of your path when you saw that he was going your way broke his heart. Maybe the cheerleaders were right? Recently your condition had improved so maybe you didn't need him anymore? Maybe everything you managed to build over that time was not as important to you as it was to him? Maybe, in fact, this whole friendship existed mainly for you to have free access to drugs? There were many options in his mind, but none of them were true. Still sanctimoniously convinced that your idea about the date was just a silly joke, he was still looking for a reason why you pushed away so suddenly.

After your feelings and the very idea that you could be more than friends were violently erased your sleeping problems returned. The first night you kept waking up time after time, the second night you didn't sleep at all. Many times you wanted to pick up the phone and call him but when your hand reached for the receiver the reason why you couldn't do it appeared as a painful memory.

At lunch on Thursday, he watched you closely. Bags appeared under your eyes again, and after a while he noticed you struggling with your eyelids which were getting heavier and heavier. You tried to stay awake at the table. How tired did you have to be if you wanted to sleep in the damn noisy cafeteria? Did your sleep problems come back? Why didn't you call him? Why didn't you come to him?

Fighting fatigue was harder than you thought. You rested your head on your hands placed on the table feeling how you could no longer defend against it.

"Can we talk?" a voice came from behind you, at the sound of which your heart wanted to jump out of its cage. The voice you longed for. "In private." he said pointing with his head toward the corridor which was empty at lunchtime. Seeing his serious face, your nerves immediately drove the sleepiness away.

"What's up?" you asked once you were alone. As quickly as those words left your mouth you felt waves of embarrassment. What's up? Was that really the only thing you could get out of yourself at that moment?

"Why didn't you say anything?" he asked. "I thought we were friends, that we could trust each other."

"Eddie I don't think I understand what you mean..."

"You can't sleep again, you stopped talking to me, why?"

You were about to lie that everything was fine, but before that lie could make a sound you were interrupted by the school secretary.

"Eddie?" she asked standing behind him. He rolled his eyes in annoyance and turned toward her, thinking that now he didn't have time to listen to what he had done this time that he was going to face another visit in the principal's office. "We just received a call from the hospital. Your uncle was in a car accident." When he heard this news he felt himself grow weak leaning against the wall. His world was taken over by darkness and a cold he hadn't felt in ages. The memories came back with redoubled pain. Suddenly he was twelve years old again in his old elementary school when one of the teachers told him to pack his backpack because his Uncle Wayne had come to pick him up from school. Not understanding much he happily ran out of the classroom. Only Wayne's worried expression and reddened eyes showed that something was wrong. That day, 12-year-old Eddie had to understand that he would never see his mom again in his life, and his dad would be in jail for years to come.

"Eddie?" Your voice snapped him out of his trance.

"I have to go to the hospital." He said running toward the exit, you, not thinking much, ran after him. At that moment, your heartbreak caused by his rejection didn't matter. He was there for you when you needed him. Now it was time for you to be the strong one for the two of you.

There was silence in the hospital, where bad omens lurked alone. When you were informed that Wayne was currently being examined you sat down in uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room. Eddie nervously moved his leg rubbing his face with his hands. He was trying to be calm but the thought that he might lose another parent made him nauseous. He didn't even notice when tears started to run down his cheeks. You noticed it much sooner and crouched down in front of him cupping his face and rubbing the wet marks with your thumbs.

"I can't lose him." His voice was breaking and his lower lip was trembling. "I can't stay alone without him."

"You won't lose him." you answered immediately. You rose up and sat on his lap so you could hug him and be as close to him as possible. He immediately melted into you sobbing against the bend of your neck. He felt all his walls cracking. He couldn't remember the last time he allowed himself to cry, but now in your embrace he felt safe. He reciprocated the hug clinging tightly to the material of your shirt. With one hand you gently stroked his hair and every now and then whispered that everything would be fine.

You didn't ask questions, you didn't interrupt him, you just let him cry out all his fears and worries. When he began to calm down and his grip loosened you moved slightly so that you could see his face.

"You are not alone with this." you said quietly placing your hand on his cheek which you stroked with your thumb. "We are alone together, remember?"

 "I thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore..." he muttered while sniffling still holding his hands on your back.

"I'm sorry. But I want you to know that even though you don't feel the same way I feel about you I still want to be your friend. I still want you in my life Eddie."

"What-" Confused he tried to follow your words. What feelings are you talking about? Still, he didn't have time to finish the question because, seeing the doctor walking down the corridor and right next to him Wayne with his arm in a cast, you immediately jumped off his lap and ran towards them. Fortunately, apart from his broken arm, nothing was wrong with him. Eddie hugged his uncle with relief, cursing how much he had scared him. Wayne joked that he wouldn't get rid of him so easily, but there was an audible emotion in his voice. The three of you returned to the trailer, where the older Munson immediately stated that he needed to go to bed. Eddie suggested he go to his room to sleep, and this time he would be the one sleeping on the couch.

"What a day, huh?" he ventured, falling back on it.

"Yeah..." sat down next to him. "I'm glad your uncle is okay," he said.

"Yeah, me too..." he sighed looking at the ceiling, after a moment he looked at you. "Thank you for being there for me."

"Alone together, right?" you smiled slightly.

"You really mean it?"

"It's going to be a little hard at first, but yes."

"I don't think I understand..." Was being with him really that hard? Was he really that annoying?

"Stop overthinking Eddie." You interrupted seeing his thoughtful expression mixed with worry. "I understand that you don't feel the same way I do, and that's okay. You don't have to feel guilty about it."

"I still don't understand. What kind of feeling are you talking about? You have to explain it to me."

"Eddie I swear if you're trying to make me feel like an idiot now or this is some kind of joke then please stop."

"No y/n, wait. I really don't know what you mean, what feelings?"

You took a deep breath. To be honest, it looked like he still hadn't guessed anything. After everything, you asking him out, how come he still couldn't figure it out? "I like you Eddie, much more than a friend could like a friend."

He would be lying if he said he never thought about that moment. Of course he thought about it. But it was never from this side. In his thoughts, he was always the first to say what he felt. There were days when hope allowed him to imagine you throwing yourself into his arms in response. There were also days when he self-inflicted punches thinking that when he did that you would laugh at him because of it. And then he understood everything.

"When you were talking about a date...You weren't joking?" he muttered uncertainly.

"Of course not! Why would I?"

"Jesus, I'm a fucking idiot! I'm sorry! For real- I'm sorry. Damn fool! The girl I've had a crush on for ages asks me out, and I what? I laugh about it?" He was angry with himself. "Damn it!" he slammed his fists on the pillow panicking.

"Leave this poor pillow alone!" you joked moving closer to him. "Have you had a crush on me for a long time?" why the sudden courage and confidence in you? You had no idea, but this time you weren't going to just walk away.

"It wasn't obvious?" he muttered and took a strand of hair covering his mouth with it.

"Eddie I asked you out and you laughed at me. How could it be obvious?" You took his hand.

"I don't know." A part of you wanted to be angry with him, but you didn't hide the happiness you felt about this confession. In addition, the sight of him so shy melted you up to the limit. "I seriously thought you were joking," he said.

"I wasn't. And the proposition still stands if you're interested."

"Of course I am!" he said and pulled you into his lap and embraced you tightly. He never wanted to let you out of them again. "So dreams can come true after all." Pure happiness was painted on his face. He looked at you with a dreamy gaze, wondering what he deserved such a miracle in his life. He wondered how such a beautiful and amazing person could have chosen him. You, on the other hand, were also drowning in thoughts about how Eddie Munson became your home. About how your first deal was so much more than pot.

"What else have you dreamed of Eddie?" you asked quietly running your hand over his cheek.

"I'm afraid if I tell you it won't come true," he said.

"What if I help you make them come true?"

He brushed a strand of your hair behind your ear and, after a moment's hesitation, kissed you gently. It was the sealing of a promise that you would always be alone together.

a few months later

The white blinding light inflicted pain on him. Only after his eyesight adjusted to it he was able to see where he was. Several cables hooked up to his body and an IV stuck in a vein. An unbearable burning pain over almost his entire body. The last thing he remembers was your weeping face, Dustin's screams and the feeling of all his life escaping. Scene after scene he recalled what had happened, and Steve's words about not being heroes echoed in his head. He remembered coming to terms with his death. He remembered how his last words were I love you directed toward you. He had no idea how he survived it. He had no idea what or how a powerful force allowed him to remain in this world, but when he turned his head and saw you sitting by his side he thought that maybe it was because of your love that he was still here. You were a walking example to him that true love exists and is able to overcome everything. Maybe it was also able to overcome death?

"Eddie? Eddie, baby, oh my god!" you shouted, waking up Wayne who was snoozing in the chair across from you, and quickly ran to get a doctor. After a series of examinations, you were finally able to re-enter the room. Wayne not waiting much you sat down next to him catching his hand.

"You scared the shit out of me, son." His voice was breaking and his cheeks were already wet with tears. Every day that Eddie spent in a coma was a nightmare. Worry about whether he would ever wake up sucked all the strength out of both of you. No wonder you yourself couldn't control your tears. But not wanting to spoil the moment between them, you stood by the door with your hand pressed to your mouth.

"Sorry, I had to do something... I had to keep them safe." His voice was weak, but it was the most beautiful sound in the world. A sound that was confirmation that your Eddie was not gone. That he is here with you.

"Come here, kid." said Wayne extending his hand in your direction. Needing no further encouragement, with a quick step you covered the distance between you. You sat down in the vacant seat on the bed.

"I thought I had lost you," you sobbed out.

"Sweetheart..." he squeaked out. "I'm so sorry..." Now he too began to cry. All three of you didn't have the strength to hold back the emotions that were gripping you at that moment.

"It's okay now Eddie, you're here, we all are. It's okay now." you took his hand and kissed the top of it. "I love you so much. The most in the world."

"I love you too, very much."

Wayne's heart grew at the sight of the two of you. His son deserved the best, and he was sure you were able to provide it all for him. Your moment was interrupted by the loud sound of the door opening, through which a breathless Joyce rushed in.

"Y/n!" she exclaimed upon seeing you. "Oh Thank God!"

"Joyce!" you quickly got up and threw yourself into her arms. "I'm all right. I'm fine."

"I'm so happy, baby." she said squeezing you even tighter.

"This is Eddie." you said when you pulled away from her after a moment. "My boyfriend, I told you about him on the phone."

"Yes, I remember! Hi, Wayne, Hi Eddie." she greeted them. "The kids told me everything, I'm so sorry you had to go through all that."

"I am fine now." Eddie sent her a slight smile.

"Y/n, honey, I'd like you to see someone, okay?" she cupped your face. "This may come as a bit of a shock to you, but..."

"Where is she?" before Joyce finished her sentence a familiar voice reached you. In that moment, the world came to a standstill. Was it a dream? Did you really die during your last mission in the Upside Down and now you are in heaven? Is that why you are seeing him now? "My Little girl." Hopper's voice broke in mid-word. After the hell he had been through, he was finally home. He was finally with his daughters. Seeing how dazed you were standing motionless just staring at him, he approached you with a slow step not wanting to scare you. He realized that his sudden resurrection was a shock to you.

"Dad?" you whispered slowly reaching out your hand toward him, and he immediately grabbed it. He was there for real. His hand was warm. He was breathing. He was alive. Emaciated and down-at-heel but alive.

"It's me y/n. Really me." he said pulling you slightly toward him. When you were close enough he locked you in a bear hug.

"You are alive. You're alive." you began to repeat to convince yourself that what was happening was real.

"Yes, I am alive I am back. I will never disappear again, I promise."

Eddie Joyce and Wayne watched your reunion with joy. Neither of them dared to speak up to let you enjoy it to the fullest while sending each other tearful happy glances.

"Hi Wayne and... Eddie." he said looking toward the hospital bed as he moved away from you.

"Hi Chief." said Eddie hesitantly feeling his heart about to fail from nerves. He expected a rant that he should stay away from his daughter.

"Do you know each other?" you asked surprised.

"Your boyfriend occasionally liked to take rides with me in the police car." he smiled slightly and walked toward the bed. "Thank you for keeping my daughter safe, boy." he patted him on his healthy shoulder.

That day was definitely destined for miracles. That day you regained everything that was most important to you. You got your family back and swore to yourself that you would never again allow the loss of any of them. 

[evilvillain123456789]

tormented by a feeling of hollowness and dissatisfaction from an early age, you pursued many goals and desires in the hope of consoling the deep sadness within your being. a successful career, money, power, beautiful wife, a child, a lovely home and a beach house to boot, beautiful clothes, art, and music-- all yours but none do anything against the malaise that pursues you. your sorrow grows to consuming despair, a black void of misery. you begin to abandon all your hollow pursuits, rotting alone in your vast mansion, priceless art and bespoke furniture gathering dust, your wife left long ago. you finally decide to end it all. as you load your pistol and prepare to bring it to your temple, one last consideration occurs to you-- you haven’t shit all day. actually, you’ve been backed up for a while. it would be embarrassing to everyone involved if your mortal remains were found thoroughly browned, so you quickly head to the toilet to relieve yourself before proceeding with your suicide. you lay a solid 18 inches of log, followed by several ample squirts of diarrhea. as the last shart leaves your hole, the burden of sadness seems to lift. you wipe slowly, cautiously, walk out of the bathroom. the beauty of the world stands out to you in a way it never has before, the sunlight filtering through the windows, the gentle hum of traffic outside. you feel euphoric, and the sadness threatened to swallow you up, begins to recede

[dokidokitsuna]

STAY GONE!!!

I got the idea for this AU when I simply tried imagining the Master Crown as a character instead of a ‘thing’, and what kind of story I would write for it if it was successful. And I feel like the natural direction to take a character centered around the idea of control is to make them lose control…or in this case, to make them feel like they’re losing control. Uncertainty is honestly worse than certainty in a case like this. ^^;

So the MC accepts The Arbiter’s challenge and ends up in conflict with Fecto Elfilis and Star Dream, and even without taking into account its opponents’ psychological warfare (SD takes the form of Susie for a reason~) finds itself clearly outmatched. Both enemies seem almost bored while fighting it, as if they’re just hanging back and trying to figure out why such a seemingly weak opponent was included in the challenge at all…meanwhile MC has to give 110% just to survive each encounter.

Naturally, it refuses to admit that it’s just not strong enough; it has to find something to blame…and it decides that somehow Magolor must still exist within its mind, and that’s the reason why it can’t win. Over time, it develops a psychotic obsession with finding this ‘weakness’ and destroying it once and for all…and as it frantically searches for any remnants of its former host’s mind and will, it soon realizes it can’t tell the difference between what could be a thought from Magolor, or what is actually just its own ingrained memory of how Magolor used to think. Its sense of self begins to erode; before it was confident that it simply consumed its victims’ souls, leaving nothing behind, but now that that confidence is gone it’s not sure of anything anymore.

Maybe the Master Crown was never really an entity of its own; maybe it’s just the sum of all its former owners’ parts…maybe it began to change at some point without knowing, and the fact that it can now feel things like anxiety and fear means that it’s already been ‘ruined’. Desperation turns to despair, and in the end it destroys itself…just as The Arbiter intended~

[moonschildsworld]

I am not (a serie)

featuring: itoshi brothers x fem! reader

⚠️warning: heavy topics, major character death, mentions of mental instability, mentions of sh!, heavy angst

summary: Y/n, Sae & Rin became friends as if they were destined to after y/n moved into the neighborhood from the city. God had more in plans for them rather than an everlasting beautiful friendship. A love triangle happens, then everything else went downhills.

Chapter. 1 "I am not him"

Y/n, Sae and Rin, the trio that no one hasn’t not heard of, well around the neighborhood at least. It was as if destiny was the one who arranged the three kids fate to aligned; It all started on one eventful evening. It was raining cats and dogs as if showing a sign to something, Thunder clashing, elders often said it's to mark the start of an ill-fated story, it's just an old saying though, right?

Two little boys and a strange girl who has just moved from the city ended up sharing warmth under the playground as they share a shelter from the rain, shivering from the cold, they tried their best to comfort each other pretending that they weren’t scared of the thunder and lightning themselves, nevertheless even with the gloom evening, a very beautiful friendship bloomed within the three little kids.

Therefore begins, the flowery and loving friendship. You would often spot the three together at any time of the days. Most often, the two brothers would be playing soccer together as the girl is left on the sideline watching them, (and contradictorily to what she says, she would often be cheering for a side that she does a lucky draw every morning to decide)

Adolescent attacks, as cliché as it may sound, romance seem to inevitably bloom within their circle too. Though two feelings are mutual, and one is left hidden forever? Now can you guess which two among the three? Here’s a hint, y/n and sae are the same age, thus study in the same grade leading them to spending almost every single minutes of the day together aside from when they part way to get some sleep. Rin is often seen trailing along behind the two after school.  

Who knew that a lifetime peace wasn’t in god’s plan when he made their fate aligned? There’s been ups and downs. For instance, when Sae was set to go to Spain after discovering his passion for soccer and the “humble” skill of his wasn’t suitable to waste it by playing only for the school’s team nor as an everyday hobby. Thankfully, as if god answers the little ones’ wish for Sae to come back, he did. But maybe there were some sacrifices that had to be made because he came back as an entirely different Sae. He became colder, more impatient and he rarely ever look at anyone at their eyes level, his brother no exception. Rin was heartbroken of course, he had only known despair after, despair turns into desperation. Desperation to do anything just so his brother would look at him with the same kind eyes he once did again. He made his resolve to beat his brother in his own career. Not accepting the brotherhood that had fallen “temporarily” or at least Rin thinks so, until he beats his brother at least, he created another situation for him to still be connected to his brother.

One exception to his coldness was you, instead of the relationship turning sour between the two of you, it turned even sweeter. You remember how he rang the door bell of your house the minutes he came back, with sweat dripping along his temples, his face still looks as blank as ever, one thing that was different was his eyes, those aqua orbs that were staring right into your already shocked self, “I like you” he spits it out after a few huffing to catch his breath. After years of denying both of your feelings for each other, both afraid to ruin the friendship that you both had built over the past decade. Though it’s all useless now that you jumped into his arms right after, there’s nothing more to conceal the feelings you both had for each other.

After that, as if all your worries about what would happened if something goes wrong with your relationship all seem useless, it is a smooth sail. You both were inseparable, The love you both had for each other was phenomenal, to stretch it-- out of the world. You don't see yourself loving anyone other than Sae, so does he. The Sae that you had was the Sae nobody had ever seen, the endearing and loving Sae. The Sae that cater to you and you only. The only minor problem was that— Sae often have oversea schedules that would last to a week to at least a month, it is really no big deal though as Sae would remember to video call you or text you often. You could imagine your future with him really clearly, no matter where you go, he's always in your future. It was a given that you both would last together forever.

Rin, on the other hand, had grown rather distant after everything. One thing was that it was awkward enough for him to face his brother, or more like Sae didn’t want to even spare a glance at him. Another thing was that, it hurts him more than he thinks to see you both stuck like glue to each other. It hurts him that he sees not a slightest chance with you, he had always known. From the moment he accepted his feelings to the moment where he catches how you both were looking at each other. He'll always be Sae's younger brother, his tag along that over the time, it seemed normal for you to call him little bro too. There was once a place for him whether in between or on the sideline with the both of you. You often reach out to Rin out of concern, you adored Rin after all— nothing more than a younger brother to Rin’s disappointment. He was out of your way, for your goods and his own too.

That is until, a devastating news reach his ears, “your brother is in the emergency room, Rin” rin could hear how her mother sniffling her cries as his father was beside her, trying his best to comfort his wife while he’s breaking down inside himself. “t-the plane crashed mid-way as it took off…” Swallowing her sniffles, she tries her best to explain the situation but soon broke down as rin could hear the sound of the phone dropping hard on the ground from the other line.

Rin has never recall any moment that he has been panicking like this, there were many things running through his head.

‘what the hell happened?’

‘how could this happen?’

‘has she heard the news yet?’

Clenching hard onto his phone, he dashes out of the training center not bothering to change from his practice clothes full of sweats. He rushes to his car, and there he took a few deep breathe, his eyes full of tears that were threatening to fall as he hit the wheel exasperatedly a few time before stepping on the gas and charged toward the designated hospital.

His body stumbling as he ran as fast as he could upon exiting the car, his body shut down as his eyes lay on the sight of the professionals pushing a bed out of the emergency room with grim faces. Part of his head was praying, he came to the wrong emergency room, maybe the right one is at the other side of the hall. Though the crimson red hair proves him otherwise. He was watching everything unfolded, all his body senses left him, his body not moving an inch as he watches his parents bolting to the doctor as they ask them frantically about Sae’s condition only for their last hope to be shot down by a sullen head shake from the doctor. Only when his mother fainted as she heard the news that Rin body started to move toward his mother and hold her.

The nurses that were on stand by rushed quickly to escort Rin’s mother into a secluded room to check on her condition. It was the first time ever that Rin had heard his father wail out of loud as his body collapsed up front as he punches the hospital floor until his knuckle bleeds. Rin watches all the scenes unfold with eyes that were seemingly drained out of color. His eyes then shot up as he spots a familiar figure crouching in front of the emergency room, her face buried into her knees. Rin knew at once who that woman is, and his body moves on its own as its jolt up sloppily, he bolts to her— almost crawling on four. Rin takes one big gulp before calling out to y/n “Sis..” the familiar nickname and one that leaves a painful stench in Rin's chest slide out of his mouth out of habit.

Silence, no response from her. It was as if her whole body stop functioning. Panicking, rin glances at her from the side, her chest seems to rising up and down in steady motion meaning she’s stable in that sense thankfully. Rin didn’t give up and try to call out to y/n a couple more times, to no avail and not a single sound uttered from her back. Rin felt his heart clenching, he knew that y/n wouldn’t be okay at this moment. Not when Sae had been with her half of her life, she wholeheartedly depends on Sae. Everyone could see that. She’s the most at peace when she’s with Sae. With Sae, her smile could outshine the sun. Now that Sae is..

Rin bites his lip, finding his calling out to her was useless. He infuriated himself, couldn’t he make one person happy? No, it doesn’t matter how many people he could make happy, all that matters is her. His fingers inadvertently sink deeper and deeper into his thighs as he stares at y/n helplessly. Sae would’ve made her smile in a heartbeat, Sae would’ve know just the right thing to cheer her up. Maybe it’s just Sae himself. I've known that, I've come to accept it long ago. I can’t do anything, I am not him.

To be continue.

author note: hello! i got a great idea for a series, i am not quite sure if i can pull it off but i'll do my best! i hope you enjoy the first chap that serves as a light introduction :) feed backs are always welcome and well appreciated!

p.s: i love when people associate my works with songs, so if any songs remind you of this work, make sure to let me know. i always appreciate a good song rec<3

[fadelikeclouds]

Diving into Tai’s mind: actions do not speak louder than words

First of all, I will say that I was upset with Tai at the end of episode 10. I am fine that Tai didn’t want to talk to Patts outside on the street. He was probably shocked and frightened by Patts angry outburst, and he wanted to put some time and distance between them so that they could cool off and talk more rationally later. What I’m less fine with is that Tai still refuses to say anything after Patts shows up at his door. And yeah, Patts probably shouldn’t have shown up drunk outside Tai’s door, but he is in pain and needs some comfort, and he tells Tai this. So why doesn’t Tai say anything to reassure Patts?

And now we come to the reason I am writing this. I don’t like staying upset at people, so I try to understand them. After thinking about things I am still frustrated with Tai, but a little less so. Here are the results of my musings.

Tai has been struggling with his parent’s divorce for over 2 years now. It’s easy to say that, but what does it mean? He is a romantic, and seeing his ideal of love crumble before him was frightening because it made him doubt the existence of love and happiness. Soulmates guarantee nothing. Love doesn’t last. Families can break apart. That’s a pretty dismal view of the world. Despair is never easy to cope with. He had his faith in love broken, so of course he wouldn’t talk to his soulmate, because why create a relationship that will only break your heart?

Then he sees Patts, and he starts to hope again. But he’s still hesitant. He’s still scared. He knows that there is no guarantees in relationships, soulmates or not. This is how he goes into his relationship with Patts, fighting against his doubts and fears the whole way. Throughout the beginning Patts is patient, kind, charming, and Tai begins to be more open to the idea of a relationship with this soulmate of his. Then the whole situation with Nara happens, and his fears and doubts about love come up again.

He talked with Nara; he knows how much she loved Patts, and he even cheered her on when he didn’t know Patts was her ex. They honestly loved each other, and seeing them kiss makes him question, again, what makes a relationship last. Confused and panicked, he decides to talk a walk to the Doi Mae Pliang in an effort to figure everything out... which doesn’t work. But he talks with Patts after he finds him in the ditch, and after being reassured that Patts does love him and would choose to love him even without being soulmates his mind clears. He knows he loves Patts, and all of Patts words and actions make him believe that Patts reciprocates that love. So he (nonverbally) agrees to officially date him when Patts asks him the next morning. At a glance, what’s the big deal? That’s only natural. This is a romance, of course they’re going to start dating. But as a character, this choice means that he is willing to face all his fears about being in a relationship, a big shift for the guy who ran away from his issues by remaining silent for 2 years. To be clear, I don’t think his fears go away, but Tai has the resolve that this relationship is worth it, that Patts is worth the risk of heartbreak.

And even then, he’s not ready to go the final step and have sex with Patts just yet. That is another level of vulnerability that Tai eases himself into, something that he doesn’t take lightly. In this episode, when he says he’s ready, to him it’s another way of showing how serious and committed he is to this relationship. He loves Patts, and is willing to face all the fears that comes with being in a relationship with his soulmate.

All of this is a big deal to Tai. These are very large steps that he has taken forward as someone who chose to very litterally suffer in silence every time it rained. Now, does he talk about this with Patts? Not in any great detail. That’s part of the problem.

To Tai it’s not even a question of whether to choose Patts or Lomfon. He loves Patts. All of his actions show just how much Patts means to him. And I think it hurts Tai that Patts doesn’t understand him. Because in Tai’s mind, he’s crossed oceans of fears, fought uphill battles against his skepticism, just to get here. Having Patts doubt Tai’s love makes him feel that Patts belittles all the pain and fear Tai’s endured to get to this point in the relationship. And that hurts because in a relationship, you want to be understood by your partner so that you can share in the joys and pains with them.

But what Tai doesn’t see is that Patts is in pain right now. Patts is scared and needs some words of reassurancs because he is human. He has his own fears and insecurities. He watched as his last relationship fell apart because he has a “soulmate”, something entirely out of his control. And with the appearance of a second soulmate, having Tai lie about seeing Lomfon, catching them at the perfectly wrong moment to see them kiss, Patts loses it. He’s angry and afraid because again, he could lose someone he loves because of this soulmate thing that he has no control over. That fear grips him, and when we’re like that, we can’t think calmly. Sometimes we need the support of others to help us through the dark avenues of the mind.

But instead of helping him, Tai feels like he’s said everything Patts is asking him to say, and he’s upset that Patts can’t hear him. And I get that. It’s frustrating when you feel like you’ve been saying something over and over again, and the other person just doesn’t seem to get it. What’s the point in trying to communicate when nothing you say will be understood? It feels as if all your efforts are just futile. But communication is a two way street. Being understood is an important part of a relationship, but it is equally important to try to understand the other person, which is what Tai is missing here. Tai has spoken through his actions, but what Patts needs are words. He needs to hear that Tai does love him, that he does choose him. We say that actions speak louder than words, but at times words are absolutely necessary.

[planetaryaether]

unfortunately i really don't have the time or the attention span to keep up with livestreaming or vods so have just been seing stuff about kirbycraft on dash. If you know/it's too much trouble could you give me the cliffnotes of Rythian kirbycraft stuff of importance?

Apologies for the late response! I was a few streams behind on KirbyCraft so I wanted to be fully caught up before answering. So KirbyCraft isn't really a rp but there is some lore and plenty of nods to Blackrock, so I have broken it down by stream in case there is a specific moment you are interested in/want to watch for yourself!

Stream 1: 20/01/2023 - Rythian died immediately - Rythian "finagled" his way into the group - "You can't trust endermen" - Ryhian is the only one with a brain cell "deep breaths rythian, deep breaths" - (Exasperated) "don't cause trouble with the endermen!" "don't cause war with the endermen, that's like 3 seasons from now" - "I can give you all the lore if you want" "Their entire world got ruined by a big ol' magical experiment so now it's a wasteland" - (after being called edgy) "listen. edge is my history. I can't pretend I wasn't an edgy boy. I'm holding onto that" - In response to "if we're cold, they're cold" about endermen "He's not cold - he comes from a dimension of void. He has no sense of temperature!"

Stream 2: 27/01/2023 - Rythian is assigned the leaky room below the farm (even out of rp rythian gets the shitty room)

Stream 3: 03/02/2023 - Rythian is a canonical boob man - (In response to Briony being excited about the idea of getting an enderman to pick up a pumpkin) "why are you so excited about an enderman, they re evil" "Briony, you are so naive, you'll be the death of me one day"

Stream 4: 10/02/2023 - (About endermen) "I may or may not speak that language"

Stream 5: 24/02/2023 - Au is different from blackrock lore (Rythian can be friends with endermen)

Stream 6: 03/03/2023 - The gang decides to live in a woodland mansion Rythian's wrestling intro is "the voodoo people" (pendulum remix) by Prodegy - "I may not have a finatical hatred for endermen, based on my character's backstory, anymore, but they're still dangerous enemies!" - Rythian goes into how he joined the Yogscast and that he has always had a passion for creative projects so the moment he had the chance to make one, he made Blackrock

Stream 7: 10/03/2023 - Rythian says endermen deserve nothing but then backtracks and says they can have a block. Is deemed a "big softie" for showing the smallest amount of not-hatred towards endermen - Rythian blames a portion of their house burning on an enderman - Rythian (about getting xp back after dying) "I guess I gotta go either go on a killing spree or find some nether quarts I suppose" Briony "Oh, no it's happening. Rythian has reached peak evil Rythian" "It's the evil alt-rythian"

Stream 8: 17/03/2023 - "Beginning of my villain arc? maybe" literally 5 seconds later quotes the lil jon remix of cooking by the Book - Kirsty calls the idea of the end cute Rythian: "It's not. It's terrifying and despair enducing"

Stream 9: 31/03/2023 - Rythian suggests giving the enderman that lives in their house a gift (something pretty that grows) because the End is devoid of anything twits a conversation about bears to (half-jokingly) say that it is okay that he kills endermen because it is 'in his nature'

Stream 10: 14/04/2023 - Only briony can tame endermen by looking them in the eye. Rythian jokes about how many mystery mods are in the mod pack and how he would prefer that all endermen are automatically hostile and "go full-on ender-war" - Rythian is against adding a big-titty-endermen mod - Because the end was transformed into a wasteland with no resources/food, its inhabitants changed into a form that could survive without sustenance. Endermen can survive most poisons, diseases, and curses. - Rythian compares the 'friendermen' to slave soldiers - Rythian describes as an "angy boy" - Originally Nilesy was supposed to be a part of KirbyCraft

Stream 11: 21/04/2023 - Rythian doesn't like that the endermen seem to think that their mansion is a safe place for them - Rythian tries to befriend an enderman and it says "I remember you" - Rythian acknowledges the usefulness of befriending endermen

[kereruatbugaria]

Here's sketches of my AU what I'm thinking of...Hoaxe joins Team Snakemouth!

I am having a lot of fun thinking about this...

It begins with Hoaxe's late departure from Wasp Kingdom and his encounter with Kabbu and Neolith in the desert.

Hoaxe got information about the crown in Wasp Kingdom, deciphered the ancient Roach language (he delivered Bugnish so fast, he must have had the ability to learn at least one more word) and found it in the desert.

Once in the desert, Hoaxe happens to find Neolith, who happens to be an archaeologist, and tries to get information from him about the site where the crown lies.

Hoaxe wanted to threaten Neolith to get information from him.

However, Neolith and Kabbu have stepped into the arrow worm's nest and as a result, he ends up helping them.

The place where they escaped from the arrow worms happens to be the ruins Hoaxe was looking for.

They offer to accompany Hoaxe as he tries to enter the ruins. Hoaxe tried to refuse, but the two men said they did not want the treasure, so he allowed them to follow him...

Kabbu and Neolith decided to accompany him, half out of gratitude for their help and half out of concern. Hoaxe had a knowledge of the ancient Roach language and the observational skills to spot traps and tricks at all costs, but he knew nothing else! He did not know that this area was the land of the Bee Kingdom, or even that explorers existed...

Kabbu's power and Neolith's knowledge (Hoaxe could read Roach's language, but knew as little about the lore of the area) was a great help in progressing through the ruins.

At the deepest part of the ruins, belostoss appears before the three.

Hoaxe's fire did not work on the hard, water-soaked epidermis, Kabbu and Hoaxe were able to defeat them by working together.

However, in the room where the ancient crown was supposed to be, the floor had collapsed and led to an underground water vein, and the crown Hoaxe was looking for had been washed away by water...

This is the prologue of this AU, Hoaxe and Kabbu's first adventure.

After this, Kabbu and Neolith return to Defiant Root with Hoaxe, who has fainted from the long journey to the desert, the continuous fighting and the despair of not finding the crown.

Doctor Isau tells them that Hoaxe is scarred and malnourished and must have lived in a very bad environment....Kabbu takes a lot of care of Hoaxe when he regains consciousness. This is a new experience for Hoaxe and he is very confused.

Neolith had his suspicions that Hoaxe might be dangerous, but at the same time he had high regard for his talent as an explorer. Above all, he wanted to help this young bug who would have lived in these terrible circumstances.

The underground water vein from which the crown was washed away connects to the river in the Ant Kingdom. The ruins seem to have been destroyed a long time ago and may have been washed up somewhere in the river by now.

Becoming an explorer in the Ant Kingdom will help you find what you are looking for.

Neolith wrote a letter recommending Kabbu and Hoaxe as explorers and handed it to them.

[sssusuki]

Luka Analysis

In the most recent round, "Ruler of my Heart", also known as round 5, we are introduced to Luka, the previous winner of Alien Stage. The first time we see him is in Alien Stage: Sweet Dream where he is on some stage as he looks at the crowd before closing his eyes. He buries his head in his arms and looks to be trying to disassociate from reality. The next time we see him is at the end of Round 3 where he holds a Rubik cubs as he stares listlessly into the distance. His eyes are tired and he looks apathetic.

Now, onto the main course. We finally get to see Luka's personality in action in Round 5, or, atleast, some of it. In the round against Mizi, he seems to trying to purposefully get a rise out of her, especially with mimicking Sua and harassing Mizi with whistles and non consented touching. I specifically remember one user even saying that he genuinely believed Mizi to be competition, so instead of just singing and ignoring her, he decided to try and break her and get a rise out of her. Also interesting to note how much of a villain he has been painted to almost be. We skip his first round because of the overwhelming win he gets, so no exposition or backstory for him, and then he harasses Mizi to the point of breaking. So far, I really like his character.

Another thing to note is that we see slivers of his true self throughout the round, such as when he is twirling Mizi and they stop, only for Mizi to see a monotone and distant expression, and another time when he finally gets pummeled to the ground and he gazes as Mizi is taken away. He looks so done, maybe even tired. He looks, truly, like the apathetic and even sad character that a lot (including me!) Thought he was. Personally, I believe that he is using his "Prince" persona (since in the crowd the aliens had words of PRINCE above their heads) to protect himself. Like a shield from the world. If he hides himself with this persona that was built for HIM, then it will be okay, right?? I won't get hurt, right??

Now, the other can of worms, Hyuna. Currently, we don't know much besides guesses, but what if definitely confirmed is that Hyuna and Luka have history. To what extent, we don't know yet. However it's probably interesting to note that when Hyuna gazed at Luka as she carried away Mizi, she did not look full of hatred. Perhaps pity would be the right word as it cuts to Luka looking so tired of this game, Alien Stage. However, moving to Hyuna for this specific analysis, from the glimpses we have seen of her (and also her prosthetic) it is good to assume she has gone rogue and is not with the program. A criminal, if you will. She seems to be on some rebellion, though these are just guesses, with the way she was carrying away a (most likely) unconscious Mizi. However, a little personal question is raised, "If she could save Mizi, why not Sua?" I think the whole reason why Hyuna was able to get her in the first place is the fact that Mizi caused a ruckus. She attacked Luka, the one where everybody has his eyes on HIM, and threw the place into chaos as she had to physically be dragged away. I am to guess that during such a time it wouldn't be hard to slip in unnoticed and take her. She probably could have taken Till, but since it's his first round eyes ARE already on him, so trying to get him out of Alien Stage is a bit harder than what she did with Mizi. A very risky play, but I am pretty sure that Hyuna saved Mizi. I'm absolutely insane over seeing Hyuna so I'll try and get back on topic, I just love characters who are in rebellions/are criminals.

Now, from here I am gonna start saying more personal guesses and opinions. To begin, since Mizi didn't make it past the second round, and we visibly see Till brokenhearted and overall in despair, I am to guess that he is gonna throw his round against Ivan. However, another thing that might happen, though unlikely, is he gets angrier and finds the resolve to get to the next round to kill Luka. Though, it's unlikely. Hey!! Ivan! The spot for Till's obsession is finally open!! Wanna take it?! (I'm sorry Till, I had to do it)

Ivan, now poor little Ivan, either way this goes, he gets the short end of the stick. I don't know how he'd feel if Till lost his passion, perhaps upset, but one thing that is for sure is that in the Till vs Ivan round a lot of unpacked emotion is gonna go into it. I doubt Ivan is gonna throw now, especially after Round 5 events, but I am doubtful he wants to kill Till either. I theorized with @dapperrokyuu (Hi hon!!) some months ago on how perhaps he will take the yandere route and kill Till simply because if he cannot have him, no one can, but I see that Luka probably fits better in that category. However, Ivan, I could see actually trying to achieve a tie. Instead of killing Till, he ties with him and they both make it to the second round. It's also doubtful either one of them will die, as I vividly remember Vivinos or QMENG saying that the death of Sua was just to really show the events and behavior of Alien Stage, and was more so a prologue than a normality. Ivan, probably, if given the chance, is most likely to join whatever resistance is happening. He found a way out AS A CHILD, he could probably achieve a lot more now he's an adult. Also hopeful that Ivan and Till are able to somehow sit down and talk about their feelings (or maybe sing, we don't know how it'll go).

Now, one final thing before I go, with how different Mizi is becoming in terms of character development and Hyuna's already showcased hot-tempered nature (though, her trying to stab Luka is quite reasonable now), I can definitely see both girls deciding to burn down the entirety of Alien Stage. Hyuna seems to have the strength and experience and Mizi has the drive and motivation necessary, Till might join (because of Mizi, because of the injustice and abuse he faces? Who knows), Ivan, if given the chance, definitely would (especially considering how much he wanted to LEAVE Anakt Garden and found a way OUT), but I think Luka might play a more villainous role than I was anticipating. He has been shown as this asshole who harasses women, but we, the audience, can see that he looks so tired when that drops. Also, his interview seems to say that he is content living as this animal for entertainment for the Aliens, which most of the cast, if not the rest of them, say the opposite.

OKAY....JEHSKS THOSE ARE ALL MY THOUGHTS....FOR NOW 👁️👁️

[dotthings]

Catharsis is a very important part of storytelling. Watching 1.13 finally handed me the cathartic note I needed.

And it gave me Dean back and freed him from the narrative trap 15.20 left him in. Opened up on context and pov, used a different tone and execution and took a different route into Dean’s story. Without changing the plot tent poles. TW 1.13 is a transformative, recontextualized, and widened and deepened response. And I cried like I couldn’t with 15.20 and it was the cathartic kind of crying, it was joy and sadness. It was what 15.20 promised me it would be yet wasn’t, not for me, and I don’t think ever will be. Now it’s just a stumble in a longer, much bigger story, for Dean’s emotional journey, and for the spn universe.

THERE’S SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE

So I’m going to be making a bunch of posts. Let me start with Dean.

So Dean makes it Heaven after the rebar, however he’s still full of sadness and regrets, about his own death about things left unsaid and the fates of himself and his closest people, and those relationships, and not just that, the cumulative sadness of his family’s tragic history, I think, hit him all at once there. TW has been about trauma all along and especially as a reflection on Dean’s trauma. We don’t have all the answers to all the mysteries so “why not rebar undo” is something that we should get answers on later. I was right about how important context is. This is only the beginning of the continuing story. We don’t have all the context on that so I’m sticking a pin in it and asking people to stay open-minded on how undoing that is not the only path out of the dark forest 15.20 left many of us in, I also don’t know what outcomes are going to be.

So Dean, restless and despairing and with his emotional journey not complete, decides if he can’t have his happy ending, he’ll find a universe where his family does. Since Chuck’s shitty drafts pretty much all implode and end up in destruction and even worse scenarios than spn prime, Dean HAS TO MAKE HIS OWN DRAFT.

HE TAKES CONTROL OF THE NARRATIVE.

This full on loudly acknowledged the immense sadness of the spn prime ending, in an spn universe show, and its sadness to Dean and that is also immensely cathartic. Jensen, being an EP and the spn universe boss rn, wants people to know, he gets it. While he doesn’t trash the finale on con stages, doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand.

I’m listening to what the story’s singing to me.

And we get more Dean pov and Dean’s story now. He’s got almost everyone he’s ever loved and instead of just driving around aimlessly for 40 years he finds a new mission, to protect the world of spn prime, where Sam’s trying to live a life. Of course he’s going to safeguard that, just like he went and made his own better draft in an AU world to give some version of his family and their found family a better chance. It’s a fundamental misunderstanding of Dean and who he is to reduce this to “did it all for Sam.” Of course he’s going to safeguard Sam, as he has since they were children. There are wider deeper reasons he did this. He didn’t do this just for Sam and everyone else he cares about on earth prime (& you can miss me pretending he wouldn’t care about safeguarding Garth’s family, or Jody and Donna’s), he also did this due to his own pain, his own hurt, his own need for comfort.

Dean matters. And there’s a whole PLOT here born from Dean acting on that sadness.

This next stage of his arc is just BEGINNING THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING. Because while Dean’s viewpoint that if he can’t have a happy ending, everyone else will, Sam will have it, AU John and Mary will have it, is very Dean, him actually going around to other worlds to save people to others can be happy, is a way he copes, he still hasn’t addressed within himself his own need for a happy ending and that he can find one for himself. And no, that isn’t about Sam and Dean on the bridge.

What TW did here was acknowledge the Sam and Dean bond while it’s also showing how Dean can exist without Sam beside him, so long as he knows Sam is safe. This is not a hypothetical or speculation. That is what TW just showed us and that is really important for Dean’s arc. His people are important to him. But his trauma was never just about Sam. The reason he is the way he is about Sam isn’t about Sam, it’s about trauma. We’ve seen Dean hit those same points with his very closest people—over John, over Cas, over Sam, it’s reflection on how deep those relationships go it’s also a reflection on Dean. It’s about Dean. It’s about him and his big heart and his trauma and how he deal with loss and trauma.

Dean’s motivations may be to protect others, that’s part of who he is, that’s also—I feel like far too many people don’t stop to ask WHY. What makes Dean tick. There are different ways to react to loss, grief, or show love, why is Dean the way he is.

This is exactly what I needed to see, this kind of exploration of Dean after 15.20. No it’s not done yet, it’s not going to repair all the wounds all at once. So for those still hurting, I’m just going to beg them to remember this is just the start of a new stage of Dean’s story and the TW finale just blew his story wide open.

That 40 year gap.

We are in the [OMMITTED]

This is Dean’s story. I AM GOING TO START CRYING AGAIN.