#it has a plot!!! do you guys see this shit!

[jingyichickenwings]

This is less of a Deep Cut and more of a case of schadenfreude, but I love when various members of a creative team are messy in public about their high budget group project. Reality TV for nerds. It speaks to a profound lack of media training or fucks given. You guys realize that future employers can Google you, right? Unintentionally hilarious.

Linke and Yee were told in no uncertain terms that their season 1 storyboard was shit, so they hired Overton, who hired half a dozen actual writers, and they did basically a full overhaul. The script was objectively much better. But this was Linke's baby, and several years later you still see signs that he is Big Mad that he didn't get his way, and that he doesn't know or care about what actually became season 1 canon. I'm sorry that your Jewish stereotype villain didn't get to be a pedophile, I guess? Idk. Yes, yes, I am sure your version of Svengali is really innovative. Maybe someday, buddy.

Meanwhile they start writing season 2 in early 2020, while the season 1 air date isn't until November of 2021. So, they don't have public feedback on the script yet, just, yanno, actual writing professionals. Anyway, according to Overton, they needed to fire the non-management part of the writing team because of the pandemic?! Lmao babygirl you do your best and I respect commitment to the official PR excuse but nobody sensible believes this. Netflix writers average 110k/year, and you needed six or so from season 1. That is not a big part of the overall budget. Also, y'all could have saved money with Zoom meetings.

So the very thing that saved the season 1 script got line-itemed "because of the pandemic". That sounds like an extremely convenient excuse for Linke to be like, no, fuck you all, we are going back to Plan A, the rough draft of season 2 based on his shitty version of season 1. Honey. That ship has sailed. You already lost this argument.

So presumably some combination of Linke/Yee/Riot/Netflix was like, it's important that we have at least one actual grown adult writer on staff. So Overton gets to keep her job.

Now, I want to preface this by saying that season 2 would have been even worse without Overton. That being said, there is a reason they needed a deeper bench of writing staff. Overton and Linke over-connect with the characters Caitlyn and Jayce respectively, to a degree that they frequently forgot to evaluate how other characters would likely behave in certain situations. It led to contrivances, plot holes, etc. There is a lot I could add here but tbh go read any of the meta already out there.

In addition to the Mary Sue type behavior, Overton thought it would be Neat to make the writing more like Avengers, like multiverse time travel fuckery is a shiny beach pebble and not narrative napalm. What in the ADHD was she thinking? Even if they had the run time to world build enough for this, there was nothing in season 1 to even suggest this as an option. And let's be fucking honest, multiverse a lot of why Marvel is on a downward spiral. If Viktor can go to Build-A-Bear Workshop and 3-D print a million Jayces, why should I give a shit about his kill count? He can just be kind, rewind, and try again. Actions are decoupled from consequences.

Anyway, moving back to the topic at hand of the Arcane team. Apparently, Overton, Linke and Yee only half-wrote season 2?! Linke said something about how they "extensively collaborated with Fortiche on the story"? Which, it's not inherently a bad idea to get creative feedback from your art team, but ummm, maybe the writers and Fortiche should have worked to a point of agreement on basic story beats. Based on a lot of what Fortiche has said, the art for season 2 passive aggressively advances what they wanted the writing to be against Linke's wishes. They literally have just been straight up disagreeing with Linke and getting paid for it. Which, to be fair, I respect the sheer pettiness! Linke can't write his own damn show but wants to slow down the very expensive art team? When the actual writers that got fired "because of the pandemic" would have caught a lot of the season 2 issues?

So post airing of season 2, Overton is all about that girlboss copaganda, Linke is having multiple public meltdowns and getting fired by Riot(?), and multiple voice actors and artists at Fortiche are being like "yeah, we actually wanted something else so there are now multiple competing narratives for season 2". Which is hilarious. The way in which the show is messy is the same way in which the creators are messy. These bitches are a cautionary tale about hubris and the need to engage in team-building.

[very-not-emo]

LONG ASS RANT ABOUT WHY I DIDNT LIKE TOTK + TIMELINE STUFF

"mediocre gameplay" for botw makes my eye twitch a bit but i have no problem with totk's gameplay beyond it barely adding anything new. it's not a bad game but it is a bad botw 2. the main thing i thought while i was playing it was "this would be so much better if i hadn't played botw" which makes me think it's a bad sequel

botw did so many new things for zelda series. gameplay wise you got weapon variety, a whole new set of combat mechanics, a giant ass map, a physics engine, all the stamina stuff, cooking, i could go on and on. story wise you got eldritch ganon (gave me some absolutely world ending brain worms when i was 11 that i still have and could yap about for hours), real human being zelda, in-universe exploration of link being stoic, champions with notably different, charming, believable personalities, npcs that behave like they have lives outside of the quests they give you, a generally immersive feeling universe to match the big open world

totk gave us... a build mechanic that i wasn't that into, fuse (which fucks btw one of the best things they added), underground map that was just a mirror of the surface with almost nothing interesting in it, caves (cool but felt like dlc), new armor and items (felt like dlc), just not innovating much. and the story had ganon do the same exact shit he did in oot with a different coat of paint, rauru/sonia/mineru were boring one-dimensional plot drivers, phantom zelda was kinda cool but that wasnt nearly enough to carry, the "zelda is a dragon" thing was cool i guess but it makes no sense given how time travel works in zelda (zelda going back in time should have made a new timeline, but link is looking for zelda, which means it's the same link whose zelda disappeared, even tho he lives in a time where zelda has been a dragon for 10000 years already???)

which leads into my next point that there's no continuity between totk and botw at all. what happened to the sheikah tech. i know that nintendo guy said it had "served its purpose" but why does nobody even mention "hey remember when all of our tech teleported away never to be seen again?" also they still have a little bit which means it wasn't like, hard-coded into the materials to disappear when calamity ganon was gone either. also, ganon was still there, so unless they linked it to that specific form of ganon it would have stayed to help fight ganondorf, also what the fuck is up with ganondorf, why did nintendo retcon "his transformation into malice created the horror you see now" into "that one was fake and the real one was underground lololol" in literally the next game that's so wimpy. also why did link instantly go back to being a "stoic sigma badass" if he only did that cuz of pressure and he had years to unwind and be a person again?

also when is "the past" in this game supposed to be? it was nothing like skyward sword, unless the zonai just fucking showed up sometimes after the game ended to establish hyrule. but that means totk ganondorf would have been alive, in stasis under the castle, AT THE SAME TIME as oot ganondorf was alive, which is not how reincarnation works, which means the only timeline of events that makes sense is: every pre botw zelda game happens -> hyrule is destroyed -> an indeterminate amount of time passes -> new hyrule is founded by rauru and sonia -> sheikah tech is invented -> 10000 years before botw -> botw -> totk

i will admit that the only zelda games i've played are oot, tp, ww, ss, botw, and totk, and i played ww and ss one (1) time when i was about 13 and remember jack shit about what happens in them. but i do know about the timeline, and it doesn't help me understand what they were trying to do with totk in the slightest. and i don't think fan timeline theories should be mandatory just to justify what doesn't make sense in the games themselves. you shouldn't have to do mental gymnastics on nintendo's own lore for them, they should have written totk to not actively complicate and negate everything they've ever done with it in the past

also it's just not compelling. idk what it is but the story of totk just felt uninspired to me. magic rock. special guys who you need on your team to beat ganon (they all act basically the same). unquestionably good boring ass king and queen who ganon betrays (blatant copy of oot). link zelda and ganon play their roles completely straight despite ganon not being the same guy (all the old zeldas had one incarnation of ganon, it makes sense he would be the same cuz he literally is the same person) and it having been tens of thousands of years. also can we PLEASE have a zelda game that isn't about time travel we just had aoc please

botw was trying to distance itself from all that, they were actively trying to innovate and THEY SUCCEEDED. they said what timeline it's in doesn't matter cuz it's so far in the future. the king was a conflicted character who knew what it would cost if they failed but still wanted his daughter to be happy. zelda was an insecure teenager trying to live up to the monumental stakes that rested on her. ganon was this ancient abomination who had been completely degraded by the millennia of hatred and failure. even link had some interesting tidbits.

it's the change in creative direction at the expense of everything else including continuity that really bothers me. botw did something new, didn't shy away from being dark and metal at times, tried to flesh out these characters in a modern twist and it felt so fresh and compelling. totk went the safe route and it was boring as fuck and had no emotional appeal. even zelda herself in totk didn't really have character. she's just a curious hero who loves link. she had no arc

MY IDEA OF BOTW 2

DISCLAIMER: yes i want things to make sense in lore but i am a giant metalhead and rule of cool enjoyer at heart so i am willing to make sacrifices if the results would fuck hard enough. we can have a little violating the lore as a treat. don't kill me if i say something that's disprovable. also if you call me a cringe edgy deviantart kid i will rapidly approach your location

gameplay first. i thought most of the game would take place underground with an entirely new map that was just as dense and varied and interesting as the surface. this would have hard carried tbh a new map with that dim lighting old ruins forbidden magic aesthetic would have fucking ruled. think of how many different cave aesthetics they could have drawn on for different areas. think of what kind of npcs could have been there. remember astor's cult from aoc? remember how the carvings on the walls in the first trailer could have been anybody? also i was hoping for more combat updates. imagine if they added different mechanics for light vs heavy or poleaxes or dual wielding or brought back hidden skills or

at the time i didn't really have one set idea of what the plot would be (i start making one later in this post dw) but i had ideas and a general vibe. and that vibe was dark and maybe (hopefully) surreal. i was ready for some twilight princess cutscene shit. more in the vein of spider ganon than demise. i wanted some real fucked up and metal zelda game and everything was lining up for this to be it. botw said fuck it we ball and went for it and i wanted botw 2 to take it further

i really thought they were going to follow the malice thing through. imo that was the most important lore change they made in botw except maybe the tech, they introduced this cosmic force of pure hate that had this ambiguous relationship with ganon as a consciousness. i never got the vibe that he created it, more like it was just part of this universe and he was a vessel for it. it completely possessed and destroyed him but it made him powerful but it's unclear how much of a choice that was for him. it just has this conflicting intrigue that's begging to be explored. i wanted them to really get into how it works and what it can do to people in some of the side quests and lore boxes. cuz emotion based magic? the descent into madness? reliance on spite and rage to keep you alive when all else has failed? hidden cosmic horror that lurks within us all? that is my shit. THAT IS MY SHIT and yes i know 10 year olds will play these games but my brain worms need feeding. we've had a t rated zelda before. c'mon man

so i really didn't want to give up the idea that calamity ganon was this era's ganondorf reincarnation, but i still had faith they could make it work with the corpse. we don't know who that guy is or how long he's been there, we just know that "he kinda looks like ganondorf". so he could either be the corpse of a ganondorf from before the one that became calamity ganon, OR

he was a regular male gerudo who was not ganondorf. he was born between the battle 10000 years ago and the battle 100 years ago and wrongfully killed under suspicion of being the prophesized return of the calamity. "that's not ganondorf" could have been a great twist

this is how he died and nobody ever moved his body from this spot. when this trailer came out we had no idea whose hand that was. he was killed by someone who was much more powerful than him, who had him cornered in a fuckoff nowhere passageway buried underground. the hand wasn't guaranteed to be good. the game could have kept it mysterious for as long as it wanted, it could have never explained it at all. maybe it belonged to some overzealous warrior who thought they were the link to his ganon, or maybe it was a king or leader figure but one who was flawed.

but imagine this man's rage when he died. this already rare, different, probably outcast person was being accused of being evil incarnate through no fault of his own, the witch hunters were after him, he tried to escape and he failed. it would have been enough to become residual, and when ganon died where did the malice he brought into this world have to go?

i had this strong idea from the first time i watched the botw 2 trailer that you wouldn't be walking into the corpse room in the intro. that would have been about halfway through to kick off the climactic final act of the game. the malice isn't coming from the corpse, it's pouring itself into him to resurrect him. malice isn't sentient itself but it does have a "will" if that makes sense? it was drawn to him cuz he died under such uniquely unfair circumstances with such strong hatred for the world that never gave him a chance. but since he's dead there's nothing left of his actual consciousness anymore. this guy revived with the same malice eyes we saw in the goop in botw. we had never seen that on a person before when this trailer came out. the most important thing is that this is not him anymore. this is malice given form in a human body. and in this game malice would have been built up in the background before this. he wouldn't speak (at least not coherently), he would fight like one of those unhinged souls bosses, and you would dig up the lore of how the guy died and who he was before independently of the main quests. they could even do one of those bittersweet zelda endings where they realize like, it's possible to overcome for a time but malice is something we all have to either fight forever or let in yk?

technically there's no ganon here. ganon died in botw and has yet to reincarnate. but ironically the corpse guy took on the role of evil incarnate after death exactly because he wasn't ganon and was forced to be by the "heroes". and we finally get to see malice directly. now i know nintendo would never do something like this but in the wake of botw when they dropped that trailer i had hope that they might. and it didn't have to be this, or anything specific really, as long as they got the vibe right. and they did the exact opposite.

i miss botw 2. like we have totk but i miss the vision of botw 2 i created in my head from the first trailer (and second a little bit but i was kinda like "wheres the glowy cave" at that one). zelda game that takes place mostly underground where link is corrupted by malice and zelda actively does something during the game and isnt yet again a plot device you rarely interact with. and maybe ganondorf being well written and a real character. and the ui didnt get changed for literally no fucking reason. and we had more weapon types. and a darker story like that guy promised. and a new map that wasnt empty and predictable. imagine what we could have had

[milfbro]

oh my god my writing is flowing this thing has a plot now

[fruit-fight]

Oh shit sorry that anon was me! Lmao! I forgot to sign like I usually do, so I get a notification for the corresponding blog. Oops. I was actually distracted while I wrote that, don't remember what I was doing tho.

First of all, hi~ I'm honored to be speaking to you and even more honored you liked my random ass thought. I fucking love your art style, keep it up! You want to use my dialog? Go for it! Just tag me in the update so I can read asap.

Second, omfg YES. KIDS DESERVE CRASHOUTS. I don't see many aus like this, and I thought it'd be an interesting turning point in the kids' relationship with MK, if not the plot. Wukong would be CRUSHED if he witnessed this, but you said shadowpeach's turning point would be after dealing with lbd. So, I thought it would help the kids process the transition in dynamic by starting a little earlier with the problems that can be fixed.

These are all things he needs to hear from his Dad, but listening to MK go on and on about how much Wukong loves each and every one of his kids helps, at least a little. This stranger is just so sincere in how amazing he thinks he is with evidence he'd only know if Wukong told him. If his Dad bragged about him. If there's one thing I know, parents who love their kids like nothing else don't. Shut. Up. I wouldn't be surprised if Wukong, despite not wanting to get close to MK himself at first, can't not slip in to rambling about his kids once MK knows they exsist and unconsciously labels himself as a non-threat to them.

Mk gets to sit through hours of training where Wukong is making comments and bragging about his kids without realizing. "C'mon, kid, ____ had this stance down like two months after they first started, don't tell me you have less balance than a wittle 100 year old" "I'm only 21-" "And mortal. I thought you guys were faster at this whole learning thing." "UGH!" "None of my cubs complain this much either. Even when they need to eat [insert food they equally hate]" He's insufferable. Makes MK's own insecurities flare-up sometimes but in a way that's indigant on the cubs' behalf like, if they're that great, why are you training me???

And now he gets to watch the result of a kid who misses the times with their father that Wukong talks about ALL THE TIME. Knocks down MK's hero worship a couple healthy pegs while they're at it. Monkey King is awesome, but holy shit his mentor is stupid as a dad if he let his cub get to this point. His dadsy and papa never let him feel like less or unloved, let alone get to the point hes taking it out on others, even though Mk was just a random kid that walked into their life back then, too. Makes him feel even worse.

A heart to heart that helps the cub start to understand that neither he nor MK has stake in this conversation and it's entirely the stubborn adult monkeys that need to figure out themselves but until then the kids have each other and need to remember that their parents adore them. Mk assures them that his door, arms, or ears are always open. He's a friend, not a rival.

"You could never be Shadow the Hedgehog" IS A WICKED LINE, especially coming from a kid who's mom is literally your hero and mentor's Shadow(the Hedgehog)! Also unlike MK, this kid isn't running around with "motherless" behavior like a HOOLIGAN LMAO. Fr tho MK do you own no other clothing? You dress in the same thing every day, even train, work, and chill in the same outfit, like a damn cartoon character. 🙄

Wonder how he'll react when he finds out MK actually comes from a loving home with two dad's. Is free noodles actually married in this au? That'd be the Icing on the fucking cake. "Motherless² ass nerd" or more jealousy bc his dad's can't get their shit together.

I feel a potential child of divorce crash out stewing. "You already have your dad's. Why are you stealing mine!? Why are you ripping them apart more! Papa doesn't love us anymore, and it's all YOUR FAULT!(because if it's not, then we're not good enough- I'm just not good enough)"

Monkey in the middle ass kid

That last paragraph really did hit me like oh god what have I done to this poor kid😭

I was gonna say they can all have complicated dads who should be in a relationship but are not, but bro those last liners? They changed my mind real quick

Yes free noodles are married and happy, MK has a happy family

Now let’s have him watch this 13 year old crash out with the impending sense of guilt that he helped that happen

(Don’t mind me as I write down that dialogue,,, anon on what crack were you when you wrote that good job fr😭😭)

Can you imagine MK trying hard to convince this crying kid that his dad definitely, full heartedly loves him, that his dads may not be together but they’re not together because they’re dumbasses who everyone can tell love each other but are too stubborn to see it

And above everything this kid, this kid who keeps curling in on himself making him look even more smaller and vulnerable, IS GOOD ENOUGH, no matter what anyone thinks, he has always been enough and his worth is not dictated whether someone loves him or not, but just him being here and alive makes him enough.

I’m crying at the club gang

Also

I’m definitely using Motherless^2 ass nerd at some point😭

[thetimelordbatgirl]

Ngl youtube videos suddenly got me slowly turning into a Justin Russo hater.

[derrygirlstrash]

I think everyone blaming the spinoff for Young Sheldon being different is only doing so because it is easier to blame the spinoff than the natural consequence of the show being in its SEVENTH SEASON… having to work quickly after the writers strike/actors strike… and the simple fact that until George buys the farm, Sheldon is basically at his final development point already and all his real development can be found in his very popular series that we saw already.

[alteredsilicone]

"people really overblow how Eternalism is used as a storytelling device"

OHMYGOD RANDOM REDDIT USER I LOVE YOU, FINALLY I FOUND SOMEONE WHO GETS IT

Also this comes from a thread how it's "impossible" to explain Warframe's lore without making someone's head explode.

And it literally isn't. If you tell it chronologically it's not that convoluted at all. The worst part is the Operator/Drifter split but like... that's it.

[orcelito]

Ok I kind of am glad to have given this Isobu arc a chance. I'm not entirely sold on the Guren and Yuukimaru stuff, but I'm getting to see a lot more of the minor characters I don't usually see. INCLUDING so many female characters!!!!! Started off with Hinata, then Sakura, and now Ino, Shizune, AND Tenten are all here!!! Five female characters active in one arc!!! Practically unheard of for Naruto!!!! Plus Guren makes 6 I guess, though I don't really like how they're like "here's a Ruthless Woman who thinks of nothing except becoming one with Orochimaru!!!! ...except now here's a child, and after just a few days her Motherly Instincts are thawing her heart!!!!!! She's not so ruthless after all!!!!" Like I mean it's sweet, but also it sucks that they're doing this with one of the few female villains. Like why are most of the women reduced to mothers and girlfriends??? In the end, basically all of them get this fate. Or they die. Come on can't we have a woman that just sucks??? Smh.

[waywardsalt]

mmmgh

[bardnuts]

How do you think he felt when the sun rose the next morning and you were still there and alive beside him. Do you think he panicked. Do you think the sight of you was the final gut-punch of this new reality.

We know he's silently screaming in the sunlight while he's turned away from us, not just basking in it. And the music that plays in this part isn't peaceful, it's revelatory. It's cathartic. Here is the sun, and here is he, and here is you--the first thing he's touched in 200 years that hasn't turned to ashes.

I'm obsessed with the idea that you're a catalyst. An experiment. His manual ran out of pages at "seduction night 1" and now he's frantically laying track ahead of himself both to figure out how to keep this racket going and to interpret his own genuinely growing feelings. He doesn't just have to figure out how to get you, he has to figure out how to keep you around. It's easy to make someone like you when you only need to get them into bed once. It's a lot harder when you have to dig a camp latrine together.

Anyway this is why I find his horrible attempts at small talk so hopelessly endearing, thank you for coming to my ted talk

[impossible-rat-babies]

ngl I do think my biggest gripe with myths of the realm in a narrative sense is having it be so late in 14’s life means you end up with a lot of unanswered questions that are just a result of how the content wasn’t created until later

[mantisgodsdomain]

Apparently there's a fic reading challenge thing this year, but after doing a quick skim of the goals... we don't think we'll be touching it with a ten-foot stick. Some of these goals put a VERY bad taste in our mouth. The idea of a "diversity checklist" isn't supposed to be... literal, we don't think? No? We're remembering that one quote about "listening to people of color being like eating your vegetables for white activists" and we're feeling like it may actually have been understating whatever the hell is going on here.

[thenookspace]

Adding on to this bc the au lives rent free and is brushing narrative crumbs onto my couch: LONG POST AHOY

mentioned in the tags of the last post that the jedi in this au are a sorta organised community of sirens but it's still undecided on how the jedi transform from taily scaley hypercarnivorous fishy horrors but for now it's a spell/potion or other ocean magic bs which - for Plot Reasons - has a distinct 12 hour time limit and reset period

meaning that all jedi have a day/night to break it down human style before they have to haul their fishy asses back to the sea before they turn into sea foam or get fish-outed and put everyone in danger

that being said, the jedi that do go to shore absolutely get up to the most wacky not-possible-in-the-sea human bullshit ever

for instance: Mace Windu uses Surface Time to become an underground musical theatre star

Plo Koon somehow has a fully legitimate pilot's licence despite not knowing shit about everything that comes before the certificate-of-flying-deathcraft (he takes his buddies up for joyrides and nobody questions how he flies the aircraft or even if he actually owns the damn thing)

Kit Fisto doesn't like being on land (something something "public" something something "indecency") but he's friends with the local cave diving team

Yoda surfaces out of the Midnight Zone mostly to beat the shit out of seabirds

Anakin "secretly" visits Padme whenever Leg Day rolls around bc the doofus assumed that human-siren relationships were forbidden (not if your human can keep their mouth shut!)

he usually vents to his ol' friend Palpatine who "accidentally" saw him transforming one night but has just been so supportive ever since! absolutely no bad intentions! not even a whiff of "bulldoze the town to build a research facility filled with kidnapped sirens who he'll find by promising Anakin that the Horrible Vivisections will find a way for him to be with Padme forever" on him!! just a trustworthy old town mayor doing town mayor things!

(forewarning: nothing too awful happens in this au due to Fox&Padme lawyer shenanigans and my own inability to make sad endings)

meanwhile, for those who have legs

couldn't decide whether the mandatory Fett Family Business is a music shop - think vinyls, strings, guitars and One Lone Piano in the corner that Nobody is allowed to play (it was Jaster's) - or a myriad of various Ocean Things and decided to fuck it all and do both bc when you have that many brothers/half-brothers/cousins/family friends/family friend's kids/people you aren't sure about but are probably related to/people who definitely aren't related to you but just won't fuck off, you have options

eg, Monnk is def on the aforementioned cave diving team (he's 500% Kit's supplier for Weird Human Shit)

Wolffe and the Pack are in maritime search&rescue (they taught Plo how to fly thinking it would be funny until he fuckin adopted them)

Alpha 17 is the local lighthouse keeper who just wants the bloody sea raccoons (Very Curious sirens that he gives Very Few Shits about) to get out of his trash

and Fox is underpaid overworked mayor's aide who would've fucked off to the lighthouse already if he didn't know that Palpatine would flatten everyone if Fox wasn't there to 'forget' the contact details of every major land developer in the area

@cosmic-j0ke speculated that Jango might already know about the sirens bc of a tragic accident years ago and due to that being a fucking fantastic point it's 100% canon to the au now everybody give them a round of applause

the incident in question involved the disappearance/deaths of Jaster and the crew of Jaster's fishing vessel off the coast of Galidraan that left Jango obsessed with hunting "sirens" that everybody assumes were figments of a traumatised child's imagination

Dooku swore up and down he had acted in self-defense but was still banished from any jedi territories after he rescued and returned the deliriously dehydrated human boy he had found in the hold

was also kinda conflicted about whether Jango should still be obsessed with sirens to the detriment of Everyone but then I remembered that this is a literary cotton ball so Jango gets to mellow out on the mer-murdering after a while due to the stress of raising a metric assload of kids

+ all the niblings/little cousins/people you hired to help you hunt sirens who stuck around/their kids/ etc

but not before getting really into music engineering in an attempt to reverse engineer siren song

which becomes a surprisingly handy party trick when starting a music shop

fast forward to present day Cody mostly runs the music shop due to being the only one actually interested in dealing with People on Land all day long

he occasionally sprinkles in some lifeguarding because it's easy money to babysit a town of people who were all swimming before they could walk

but he has a Problem

the younger Fett & co kids have been kicking up a storm lately about learning the piano and getting curious about Jaster's Piano (dun dun dun) that Cody and the others never learned to play over the course of their Very Different childhoods (that will definitely never become an emotional plot point ahaha)

(not sure where tf any ''younger members" of the Fett extended family network would come from or even which characters they are - Boba and Omega are easy options, Omega is Hunter's kid no muss no fuss but Boba is a difficult one considering that Jango is theoretically too old for young kids in this au if Cody, Rex, Wolffe, Fox and co are all adults, will need some help here)

mystery child origins aside the kids are too young to be at sea so they're stuck with Cody and his soft heart in the shop when they start getting big piano-based ideas

ofc after folding like a house of cards and cursing out the kids' new preference for keys instead of string instruments like Good and Reasonable Fetts, Cody goes looking for a piano tutor and bargain deals on cheap eBay keyboards (he won't touch Jaster's piano bc that hurt is more a family heirloom than the instrument itself)

the keyboards are easy to get a hold of aside from exorbitant shipping prices (the irony), but a tutor willing to brave Jango??? might as well mail a craigslist ad to the bottom of the fucking ocean

so Cody's seriously considering pulling an Alpha 17 and fucking off to the lighthouse or sucking it up and learning piano (Alexa play Surface Pressure)

until he's lifeguarding (read: stress napping) one day and wakes to the most ~enchanting~ song from a nearby busker (he's dressed like a forlorn english professor who forgot the memo about pants but oh boy is he Beautiful), who's playing the most decrepit, water-damaged nasty looking keyboard Cody's ever seen

(Obi-wan found it in the Human Waste Box and he's incredibly proud of all the magic/non-magic modifications, he put those barnacles there himself!)

half an hour and one job offer later the tourist (???) is following Cody back to the shop and lessons are going swimmingly (HA)

obv Obi-wan has no idea how to actually play the keyboard, much less teach anyone anything but Seabed Radio's 40 Hottest Whale Songs but the kids are having enough fun to stop them snitching and Cody has conked out from post-Task adrenaline crash and could not care less about the gorgeous man in his shop teaching his little siblings piano (but he will!)

Jango, however, immediately clocks Obi-Wan as a Fish and spends the entire time seething at Obi-wan's very obvious siren-ness, Cody's obliviousness to Obi-wan's very obvious siren-nessand everyone else's wilful ignorance to Obi-wan's very obvious siren-ness bc he makes Cody happy and Jango's conniptions are funny

this is the end for now bc tumblr text limit hates me but next on the agenda: the actual fucking Plot!

God fucking damnit I misread sith Obi-wan as siren Obi-wan ONCE and now I have THOUGHTS about small town siren Obi-wan disguising himself as an eccentric music tutor/boardwalk busker to explore the ~human world~

[satorena]

#BUILD-A-BLOB !?

bad ☆ summary. good news? your nephew’s birthday gift to you definitely works. bad news? turns out to be a cranky four armed creature that nags at everything you do. good / bad news? he’s smokin’ hot and you wanna fuck him nasty. seriously, what the fuck.

cw. explicit content. foul language. monsterfūcking. blobkuna to true form!kuna. double penetration. anāl. deepthroăting. cunningūlus. pūssy slapping. bāckshots. belly bulge. creāmpie. degradation (he calls you mean things) overstimulation. dumbification. mentions of drug usage. sukuna speaks like he has a stick up his ass. pōrn without plot. 4.4k words.

rena’s ☆ note. guys i’m giggling so hard at the gif HELP

“the fuck are ya starin’ at?”

technically speaking, you think you’re looking at a seven foot monster with more arms than you can count, more mouths than necessary and much more tattoos than you can see. just a minute ago, this entity had been an ugly formless blob with a singular eye and bucked teeth that sat against your window, forming incoherent sentences as “me want water”, “me need light” or your personal favorite, “me want you to fuck off”.

you’d left to check on your plants momentarily, coming back to your living space to find that the blob had transformed into a . . . human? something along the word that you use very loosely.

he stands tall and proud and very naked— though unimpressed, toned arms crossed and ass cheeks facing the world outside. you can see the reflection of his clenched buns through the glass and— is that a fucking tramp stamp?

“i’m thinking. . . what used to be my birthday gift,” you answer slowly, brows pinched in confusion as your head tilts. it’s below you, sure, but you can’t help staring at what’s below him. surely it’s the weed catching up to you because there’s no way that, “is that— holy shit, is that two dicks?”

“perverted woman,” the man (question mark) clicks his tongue, as if he isn’t the one dressed in his birthday suit, asshole bearing for pedestrians outside to file public indecency on you. “your reaction suggests you’ve never witnessed the presence of two at once.”

“well. . . no,” he stares at you as if you’re the one with four arms and abnormally long legs. you crouch down, index finger scratching at the corner of your mouth to analyze it some more. you were curious, nothing more! you feel the multitude of his eyes trailing your movements, daring you to proceed forward. he truly doesn’t know you.

they stack atop one another, though both sizes are nothing to scoff at. packing in both girth and length, they stand tall and semi hardened, with curves to the right. he’s got prominent veins running all over his skin, mushroom tips an angry shade of reddish brown. frowning, you peek your head lower to confirm following suspicions,

his tone is rough along the edges, “i do not possess four testicles.” damn it.

“boo, you suck,” you sigh, indeed disappointed by the confirmation. you’d think a monster with monstrous limbs and monstrous cocks would own monstrous balls. “whatever.” you stand back up on your feet, though you’re met with hard ripples of glistening abs.

“so like,” you pause, now shamelessly staring at his torso with shimmering eyes. he’s ripped with an eight pack, waist snatched like a motherfucker and skin inked like a colouring book. “what do i call you?”

you think you hear him chuckle, “how foolish,” a mouth then appears on his stomach, to which you jerk back from how sudden it was. your brows jump to your hairline, eyes widening as teeth bare at you menacingly. “it is common decency to introduce yourself firsthand. have you no manners in the presence of a king?”

“a who?” you squawk, overwhelmed by the intensity of the situation. this four-armed freak was a king? from where exactly? you shake your head, as if to turn off your inner monologues and quiet the voices down, “right, right. erm, you can call me y/n.”

he repeats your name slowly, followed by a deep chuckle. the rumble of your name against his voice sends a weird tingle down your gut, as you crane your neck upwards to finally look him in the face.

you gulp. damn it, he was attractive all around. though morally questionable, you found his features dashing. sure, there was the weird thing stuck in the side of his face that resembled a mixture of flesh and wood. and yeah, he had an additional set of slender eyes. however, his facial harmony somehow blended perfectly. his facial structure was sharp all around, from his nose bridge to his jawline, and his ears with pierced.

what more could anybody want?

blame it on the sativa or the fact you hadn’t been fucked in a while, but it was your birthday and you want your birthday gift, damn it. there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that— the pulsing at your core had your thighs rubbing together subtly (you hoped) (he smirked when he noticed your legs shifting) (fuck, he already knows).

“you will address me as sukuna, mortal.” he says instead, one of his arms mounting to grasp at a piece of your hair. he’s beefy, big biceps surrounding your peripherals as they flex hard. he twirls your hair between his fingers, and shit, you’re gonna need his nail technician’s reference.

“you talk like you have a stick up your ass,” your voice sounds distant, as distracted as you are, perverted eyes trailing to follow the bulging of his muscles. even his forearm is sexy, a large vein running course beneath his skin amongst others. “you ask for my name and choose to call me mortal? corny.”

“i am not a product of this time,” he riddles, tugging at the strand in his hold. the searing pain of his tug at your hair has you moaning— in agony or pleasure, who truly knows— and before you know it, he spreads the rest of his large fingers at your scalp, “you say i speak as if i have a stick up my ass,” shivers run down your spine when his fingernails scratch at your head, “but really it is you who wants my stick up yours, huh?”

you blink. how the fuck did he know? “th-that’s not even remotely true—”

“do not lie,” another arm lifts to cup at your face. his index rests beneath your jaw as his thumb sits at your chin. you feel the sharp edges of his nails grazing at your skin, “your scent is rather . . . pungent.”

you feel heat quickly spread to your cheeks and your panties effortlessly dampening. he smirks, dipping his thumb into your parted mouth, before scrunching his nose into a whiff, “ah, there it is again.”

the pad of his thumb swipes against your bottom lip, skin collecting your saliva before rubbing the fluid all over your mouth. you feel the tip of his nail poking into the flesh, and your brows furrow, “and you called me the perverted one.”

“that remains true.” another— jeez, how many more— arm snakes at your waist. it creeps below your shirt and sits at your bare skin, a touch so warm it sends jolts of electricity across your limbs. his hand rests at your lower belly, and when a wet tongue drags itself across your sensitive skin, you clamp your lips down around his thumb in a whimper, “you’re an obedient one. i think i’ll have fun with you.”

your brows furrow as your cunt clenches. his smirk deepens and, fuck you really need to stop doing that, “have fun with me?”

“it has been a while since i’ve fooled around with a mortal,” he hums, slipping his thumb out of your mouth. there’s a thin string of saliva connecting from your lips to his fingertip, and you hate how you already crave the salty flesh back in your mouth. “let us see just how weak the human body truly is.”

somewhere along the lines, you find yourself on your knees in your living room, carpet digging into your kneecaps as your fingers interlock at your back. your jaw aches, to the point of snapping as two fat cocks shove themselves down your throat. you breathe through your nostrils as your mouth is clearly occupied, fat tears dotting at your lash line and dribbles of saliva slipping past your lips and down his cocks.

two of his hands grasp at your head as leverage, hips thrusting up and down your throat. the gags that escape you are pornographic, throat muscles clenching around the intrusion. fuck, the strong musk of his pubic hairs cloud your senses and overwhelm your mind— driving you dizzy in arousal.

“loosen up yer throat,” sukuna commands, though you find it contradictory as another one of his abnormally large hands wrap themselves around your throat. he presses just lightly, as if to trace over the bulge of his dicks inside of you, but the lack of oxygen has your body liquifying in heat. you think you see stars, and your pupils start to dilate. “c’mon mortal, don’t pass out on me now— we’ve only just begun.”

easy for you to say, you roll your eyes, though complying to his orders. shit, it’s really hard to breathe but you can’t deny you love how objectifying all of this feels. bounding your own hands back, kneeled in front of this king, hair grouped up in one hand to tug onto. he was using you as if you were merely a toy for his own pleasure, mushroom tips repeatedly abusing the walls of your throat.

your cunt clenches around air, gushing more of your essence against the flimsy material of your panties. his stomach clenches tightly, as do his thigh muscles, the embodiment of man in front of you, destroying your throat.

fuck, your clit throbs.

the king coos at you degradingly, ruby eyes narrowing down at your figure, “awnn, ‘s it too much for ya?” you feel a wad of spit land on your cheek, and despite the nastiness of the actions, the filthiness has you clenching your thighs together. of course he finds pleasure in your desperation, leaning back further into the couch to cock his head at you, “humpin’ on yerself like a desperate slut beggin’ for a proper dicking. how pathetic,”

you nod your head eagerly, as your mouth fails to express just how badly you do want him. he’s so deep down your throat, you swear you feel him near your heart. the sting at your scalp plus the lack of oxygen and your need to have him stuff you full drives you wild with want— so desperate that tears leak through your eyes, stream down your cheeks and land right at his dicks.

“mhm, i’ll take care of ya,” sukuna cuts himself off with a deep groan, sliding further down into his seat. he shifts his hips deeper down your throat, and you gag terribly loud, “you hungry, mortal? open wide and, fuck, take what i give ya—” another grunt leaves him, and as does thick ropes of cum do.

your eyes widen as you’re greeted with hot cum shooting down your throat. it’s creamy, thick and so, so much of it that you’re certain swallowing it all would be impossible. your cheeks hollow as you attempt in your best efforts to gulp him down, the flavour of salty semen bursting at your taste buds.

“greedy bitch,” he chuckles through a moan, grinding his hips in rotations as he rides down the high. sweat dribbles down the crevices of his abs, stomach clenching hard as he empties his balls in you. “thaaat’s it—shit, not fuckin’ bad.”

when he finally pulls out, you gasp loudly for the sweet air you had been deprived of. your body trembles as you release your own hold, hands flying up to grasp at his thick thighs. your fingernails scrape at his skin as your chest heaves.

“y’re so,” you pant, and you can barely register how broken your voice sounds. did his cocks destroy your vocal chords already? “y’re so fuckin’. . . mean.”

“too much?” sukuna cackles, though he’s nowhere near sounding apologetic. his fingers cupping your face swipe at fallen tears on your cheeks. at the feel of a wet tongue licking at your damp skin, you pout in retaliation, brows furrowed and swollen lips puckered, “better get it together, ‘m gonna stretch that pussy out.”

damn it— he had such a way with words. you subconsciously lean your cheek further into his touch, and the grin he gives you is barbaric, “face down, ass up.”

so yeah, you find yourself with your cheek pressed into the softness of your couch, hips pulled up and thighs spread as sukuna feasts. the panties you once wore stuffed in your mouth, they muffle the wanton sounds that rip out your abused throat.

you feel his tongue lap at your folds hungrily, fingers spreading your pussy lips apart for better access. he tongue fucks into your hole, lips sucking and nibbling at your clit with precision. wet heat intrudes your insides and have your stomach tightening.

fingernails scratching at the couch, your back arches as you grasp at anything for support. having multiple mouths should be illegal— you feel tongues trailing all over your thighs and the dip in your back, you feel them rimming at your backside. you even think you feel one diving into your ass.

“mmph, m‘kunaaa!” you wail, toes curling as you push your hips further into his face. you’d never been eaten out as good as he is, nose deep in your cunt as your insides get devoured. you’re so overwhelmed— your puffy clit secreting essence as a slick tongue flicks at the bean.

a hand slaps once, twice at your ass as another pair of hands grip at your plush flesh. “shut th’fuck up,” he speaks into you, the vibrations of his voice sending shivers up your spine. you roll your eyes to the back of your skull, foot shaking uncontrollably. when the hands cupping at your breast begin tugging at your nipples, tongues flicking the stiff bud, you feel your dam erupt.

“mmfuuuuckkk!” you whine, as your cunt gushes in his face. he never lets up, tongue repeatedly scissoring your hole as he swallows your juices. you’re squirting so much it drips all over his face and down the suede couch, down your thighs. you think your soul had been taken by this damn near succubus with how long it takes for you to come back to your senses.

he pulls back with a nasty smack from his lips to your lower ones, using the back of his hand to wipe at any excess fluids, “sweet cunt,” he praises you, and you weakly whine, body drained of energy as you fall limp into the soaked couch. you’re out of it, bottom lip quivering as your limbs tingle in bliss— you feel your lids growing heavier by the second but sukuna is having none of that, “aht aht— where the fuck d’you think yer goin’?”

you feel pair of hands pull your hips back up and another grab a handful of your hair in a steady hold. you’re immediately pulled up on all fours, and you whimper at the firm blows he lands yet again on your ass.

he lifts himself on his knees, and you feel his hardnesses rub against the curve of your booty, “told you i was gon’ stretch this pussy out— ‘m a man of my fuckin’ word.” and shit, you think you push your ass back against his leaking cocks, dragging the beady fluids all over the softness of your skin.

your back arches sinfully as you spit out the soaked panties from your mouth and onto the floor. the slide of his dicks in between your thighs has your stomach heating in lust, the drags of his tips at your clit reenergizing you faster than you’d like to admit.

“mmhm, that’s it,” he grumbles into the supple skin at your neck, grazing his fangs teasingly at the flesh and his warm breath further dampening your skin. the large hands that cupped at your waist now lean you forwards against the arm of the couch, and you suddenly feel a lot of blood rushing to your brain. your arms feel weak as they support your body weight, your back arches like a cat and legs stretched out—

holy shit, are you hanging off the fucking couch?

“give up and you fall face first onto the damn floor,” the king cackles, as if the funniest joke in the world, as if your cunt wasn’t gushing your essence— begging to be filled and tore apart. your eyes widen comically as your knees buckle just slightly at the feel of his cock rubbing at your clenching hole, “try and keep up, mortal.”

sukuna grips at the base of his first dick, aligning it to your entrance. you hear him hiss as he collects your cum around the circumference of his tip, fingernails digging deep into your waist. fuck, that hurts so good. any further deeper and you’re certain he’d draw blood.

now, you were definitely no athlete the way he took his sweet time teasing you both. you had barely finished coming down from your previous orgasm, and with the excessive blood seeping into your brain, you felt yourself dizzying quicker than you’d anticipated, “kunaaa— hurry, i can’t hold out any longer— ngh fuuuck!”

your nails claw at the wooden floor when you felt him finally bottom out. holy fuck— how many inches was he packing? you could physically feel your pussy stretching out to his size, to accommodate to the intrusion of his ruthless cock into your tight hole. the sudden penetration hurt in a way that had your clit tingling, walls clamping down as if to seize him from moving any further.

“mortal,” he groans deeply, and there goes another spank at your ass. naturally, you clamp down harder. “quit— fuck, squeezin’ so tight. how the fuck am i s’posed to dick you down when you’re grippin’ me like a damn vice?”

“‘s too much!” you argue, though your hips roll around as if to adjust to his unreasonable size. you feel more tears flooding your eyes, and your core aches for a mean pounding. “just. . . gimme a minute,”

“a minute?” he repeats, though his tone is far from understanding. there’s a hint of mischievous dripping from words, and shit, he’s already pulling out. your cunt negates your words, desperately latching onto his length as if to reprimand him from exiting any more. he notices your contradiction, “doesn’t seem like yer pussy needs a minute. gotta tell you baby, i don’t like liars.”

your toes curl as he fucks himself back into you. the moan that rips from your throat is far beneath your ability to stop, and you squeeze your eyes shut. he repeatedly pounds into your cunt, the more the strokes, the deeper it goes. he may as well create an indent in your guts with how intense his thrusts are.

“hnng, ohmyfuckkk,” your back only arches further, the delicious burn of his dick stretching your velvet walls driving your mind delirious. his pace is insane— with every meet of his hips at your ass, you jerk forward, tits jiggling in the process. you feel hands spreading your cheeks for better access, alongside a wad of spit land at your cunt, sealed by a nice slap on your reddened ass.

he’s crushing your cervix. it hurts but you don’t want him to stop. it’s all too overwhelming— the repetitive slaps of his heavy balls at your sensitive clit, the way he digs himself deep into you, rolling his hips to reach all sensitive spots inside your spongy self. god, you can hear how sinful the point of contact between both your bodies as it echoes in the living room.

“creamy fuckin’ pussy,” sukuna grunts, tone so low you assumed he was more so speaking to himself. your wetness had submerged into a thick essence of cream around the base of his shaft, further easing the ruthless slides of his dick into your cunt. you don’t ignore how his second cock twitches against your asshole. “you tryna snatch my damn soul? tsk, greedy slut.”

your arms are giving out. your thighs burn and furthermore— your cunt aches, badly. he’s giving and giving, pounding so mercilessly into your pussy it was as if he were mad at you. you’d never been fucked so profoundly, his tip bullying into you so meanly with the additional mix of blood rushing into your head— fuck, you need a break.

still, sukuna seems two steps ahead of you, slithering an extra arm to your nape and gripping at your hair. two other hands drag your hips backwards in place, simultaneously pushing himself back where he’d once been— snug in the comfort of your warm pussy. “nah, nah, don’t you fuckin’ run away. fuckin’ take what i give you—” he holds you by the hips and lifts you up and down on his cock. you feel your feet leave the couch as a majority of the weight you held onto your palms were lifted. “this is what you wanted. mhm, be a good bitch and own up to your consequences.”

you’re babbling, the idea of you being a toy again for his use, the new angle of his cock protruding inside has drool dribbling down your chin and your eyes rolling to the back of your skull. “too d-deep, feel you in my— nghhh, h-heart.”

“‘s that so?” he chuckles heartily, and your mind is too numb to register the weird sting that grows at your forbidden zone. you’re too fucked out to notice what he has in store for you, “let’s double that shit. pierce right through yer mortal heart and mark it my territory.”

a sharp wail erupts, as you’re now filled to the brim with two girthy cocks. it’s an uncomfortable stretch in an area you were far from accustomed to, but in your current position, you’re nowhere near able to stop him. you’re not too sure you want him too— his cocks rubbing against the thin linen that separates your cunt to your ass.

holy fuck, your brain is turning into mush. he’s fucking into you like a madman— both your holes abused by the same pair of hips diving deep into your insides. your limbs feel numb, despite now being lifted into the air. he’s fucking manhandling you, hands holding all regions of your body still as he grinds his cocks in. what an out of body experience— head and tits jerking to the rhythm his hips set.

your guts are on fire, and you recognize this feeling all too well. the same one that has your eyes crossing to the centre of your face and your wet tongue lolling out of your mouth. your breaths are cut short, your tummy bulging into the shape of the king that’s taken control of your entire being.

holy shit.

“atta girl,” sukuna whistles when you spray him unexpectedly. your muscles clench as does your cunt and ass around his dicks, body trembling from an outwardly orgasm racking over you. sukuna never lets up, your crying only spurring him on more, “oh yeahhh, now that’s an ugly face. hah! turns me on.”

you’re snivelling, and you think you feel snot dripping down your nose. through the window where this creature was once an ugly form on nothingness, you watch your reflection. my goodness— how is he not stopping? you feel like you’re gonna die, your soul getting snatched from various regions, the repetitive strokes of his dicks at your most sensitive areas. holy shit, you’re gonna die.

“c’mon, entertain me some more,” he accentuates each word with powerful thrusts, and in return, receives splutters of more juices. you’re leaking like a damn faucet, dripping down your thighs and soaking your soiled couch. your fluids leak down to meet his pair of balls, now lubricated as they slap more intensely at your abused clit.

you’re left wordless. seriously, arms as limp as noodles as they hang to your side, head lolled forward. your mind feels so empty yet so full, the familiar pain of overstimulation now taking over your body. your muscles spasm violently around him, uncontrollably as sukuna takes and takes more of you.

“thankyouthankyouthankyou,” although not entirely sure what you’re thanking him for, the words slip past your kiss-bitten lips and into the thick air. you feel him press his own mouth at the column of your sweaty back, and your chants continue, “thankyouthankyou—”

“what an obedient lil thing,” sukuna coos, and you feel an extra tongue flick greedily at your tight bundle of nerve. your body begins to seize, stomach caving deeply in as you succumb to the pressure, “who’s my good bitch, hmm?”

“m-me.” you answer so weakly that it unsatisfies him. the tongue torturing your clit now bites down onto the bud and you cry out loudly. shit, you’re squirting again.

“i said,” he repeats himself with more finality. the wet squelching sounds of his cocks bullying at your holes overpower his own voice, and you can’t stop the shaking of your body. and with every pause, his cocks slam further and further in, “who’s. my. good. bitch.”

“meeee!” you hic, drool be damned as it seeps past parted mouth and down your throat. god, this was so above you and yet, here you were, getting fucked like your life depended on it. it hurts, hurts so good that you simultaneously want to push and pull from his embrace.

he holds you up higher, and your legs wrap around his waist with your back tucked into his chest. his hands slide from your waist to your inner thighs, now holding you tight against him. your head falls back onto his shoulder and in the midst of your daze, you feel a fingernail trailing down the slope of your neck.

“yeahhh,” he chuckles darkly, eyes narrowing onto your fucked out figure. his eyes then flick to the imprint of his cock penetrating at your belly, followed by the inconsistent tremors of your body. “‘s what i fuckin’ thought.”

somewhere along the line, you’re left boneless in his strong hold as he fucks and fucks and fucks. he’s everywhere at once, a presence so dominating that you’re left as if you have no other choice but to surrender. but that’s exactly all there is to it, no? a king using his pussy to his satisfaction.

“‘m gonna breed this slutty body full of my cum, make you mine. cause that’s all yer good for— ain’t that right baby?” you nod, because of course you do. he’s pounding some more and more, and the warmth that fills your belly to the brim is anything but surprising. he’s grunting in your ear, a string of profanities flowing into the air. he’s cumming so much from both cocks that it leaks past your bruised holes.

his hips roll some more, and both your cunt and ass clench around him greedily, milking him out for every drop he’s worth. he hums against your damp face, dragging the tip of nose through a multitude of fluids. you have a weak smile gracing your lips, and his arms tighten possessively around your tinier frame, “happy birthday indeed, mortal.”

oh my god, you’re gonna die.

. . .what the fuck did i just write.

[elliewithcellie]

Girl, Interrupted

summary: Eddie crashes by your home when you least expected, but everything happens for a reason, right?

wc: 1.8k

cw: PURE SMUT (MDNI 18+), basically no plot, friends to fwb?, oral (f receiving), Eddie is a tease, fairly bold reader lol, fingering, talk of p in v sex, hair pulling, orgasms idk let me know what else

a/n: my bestie bought me slutty pajamas for my birthday, and since I'm a hypothetical whore, this has been on my mind nonstop. Finally took a break from my spn series to write this down. This is the filthiest thing I've written to date but definitely short and sweet

Eddie’s jaw fell slack as the door opened before him. He knew he shouldn’t have shown up to your place uninvited. Sure, you were his best friend, and of course, you had said he could come over whenever, but that never truly meant unannounced. He was already kicking himself for showing up as late as he did when you opened the door.

Your oh so short pajama shorts were the first thing that caught his eye, how your thighs spilled out beneath them, the cotton begging for relief. His eyes trailed higher to your tank top one size too small. The hem rested just above your midriff, the outline of your hips more prominent than he had ever seen. Your face was flush, pinks and reds lining your cheeks. He fought the urge to pinch himself, scared that he was dreaming, scared that he’d wake up to the absence of you and very real feelings emerging.

“Eddie? What are you doing here?” you asked, your arms crossing over your chest. “I thought you had a date.”

Date, what date? Eddie’s mind was going numb. His brain was flatlining at the mere sight of you, more exposed to him than he’d ever seen you. Fight or flight kicked in, debating on whether to say something or just turn around and leave. He was almost sure he was not supposed to see you in this state.

“I—uhh—it didn’t go well, so I cut it short. But I know you love the place, so I figured I’d bring over the leftovers.”

“Oh, sweet. Thank you.”

Eddie hesitated, scared to ask, but his interest piqued. “Is someone—you’re alone right now, right?”

Your eyebrows pinched together. You exhaled a dry laugh. “Please, I’m always alone. Come in. Tell me about your date.”

You ushered Eddie inside and settled into your couch. You pulled a blanket over you, and Eddie released a sigh. He couldn’t believe the hold you suddenly had on him. It was like he was in high school again, ready to combust at the sight of a shoulder. At least with your legs covered, he was less inclined to think about spreading them.

“Was it really that bad?” you asked, drawing Eddie from his thoughts.

“She was just so boring,” Eddie complained. “Like, there’s nothing wrong with her, but it was like we were from different planets! She didn’t know Metallica! How am I supposed to bond with someone when there’s nothing to relate to?”

“Did you think of showing her?”

“Showing her what?”

“Metallica!” you laughed. “Wouldn’t that be kind of romantic, you know, to introduce that to her? Maybe tell her you’re in a band? It’d be like showing her a whole new world. And maybe you’d get a groupie out of it.”

Eddie swatted at the air. “It’s not worth it. We were both bored. And it was clear she wasn’t looking to rock with a guitarist.”

“Oh, I highly doubt that.”

“You didn’t meet her. She’s pristine, a Chrissy Cunningham type. Meant to be with a lawyer or some shit.”

You leaned in closer to Eddie, your blanket sliding down your thighs. “Those are the girls who fantasize about guys like you the most. Those girls on the straight and narrow, the ones who seemed destined to be sweet stay-at-home moms or perfect career women, those are the ones who dream of just one night doing something they never thought they could. Something so wild that when they’re taking their kids to soccer practice, or their ‘perfect husband’ is asleep on the recliner while they're doing the dishes, they can think back to that wild night when they fucked a rockstar.”

Eddie’s lip trembled as chills coursed through his body. You leaned back against the couch and shrugged like what you said was nothing. You had to be on something, he decided. Never had you been so frank when the topic of sex came up. Your face was still flushed with color, and you couldn’t seem to find a comfortable position on the couch, shifting yourself from one side to the other to no specific rhythm. Heat radiated off of you, though you weren’t known to be the furnace between the two of you. Something struck Eddie as so foreign but so familiar as he took you in.

“Would you fuck a rockstar?” Eddie found himself saying.

Heat rose to your cheeks. “Do I seem like one of those straight-and-narrow girls to you?”

“That’s not what I asked,” Eddie said, a newfound confidence overtaking him. “You came up with that way too fast to act like you don’t think of it, too. So, would you fuck a rockstar?”

You bit your lip and shifted in your seat. You huffed into the couch. “Wouldn’t anyone?”

“Why so shy all of a sudden?” Eddie asked, egging you on. “You’ve been squirming since I got here, sweetheart. Is something on your mind?”

Your eyes trailed from his eyes to his lips, then back to his eyes. “Tonight is not the night to ask me that.”

“Why is that?” Eddie chuckled. “Were you in the middle of something? Was something left unfinished when I so rudely interrupted? And now all you can think about is the ache between your legs?”

You shuddered at his words. “Eddie,” you said, your voice shaking.

“I could help you.” Eddie leaned closer, his words almost a whisper. “Because I may not be a rockstar, but I’m sure I could give you the night of your life.”

Your breath hitched in your throat. “Don’t tease me. It’s not funny.”

“No one’s laughing.” Eddie pulled the blanket back, his hands resting on your thighs. Your legs slightly opened on instinct. “What kind of friend would I be, huh? If I didn’t at least offer?”

Eddie didn’t know where this bravado came from, but he didn’t care. All he knew was the longer you looked at him like that, the harder he got.

You grabbed him by his shirt and forced his lips on yours. Nothing soft or sweet came from your lips. You were needy and desperate, clinging to him like he was the air in your lungs.

The urgency shocked Eddie, but he quickly found your rhythm. He smirked against your lips as he pulled his jacket off. His hands snaked from your thighs to your hips to your ass, lifting you onto his lap. You groaned into his mouth as he rolled you against him.

He was sure he was dreaming now. Only there did he ever picture you above him, grinding your hips into his. Only there did he imagine you moaning from his touch. But never were his dreams this vivid, this real, this fucking good.

He pulled you from him and pushed you back onto the couch. You whined at the loss of contact. He’d never seen your eyes so dark, so lustful, so hungry for him.

He slid down to the floor onto his knees and pulled you to the edge of the couch. “You still want my help, sweetheart?”

You nodded emphatically.

“I need to hear you, baby. Say it.”

“Please help me, Eddie. I need you. Please.”

“Atta girl.”

You lifted yourself up as Eddie pulled your shorts down your legs. Eddie’s cock jumped at the sight of you. He bit his lip to maintain what little composure he had left.

“Aww, your poor little pussy’s just as needy as you, isn’t she?” He spread your knees apart, the cold metal on his fingers sending chills up your spine. The throbbing between your legs only intensified, a small whimper escaping your lips.

Eddie couldn’t wait any longer. There was no time for teasing, no time to explore. You needed him, and he was going to deliver.

He dove into your aching pussy like a man starved. You jumped at the contact, your hands flying to his hair. His tongue worked overtime, kitten-licking your clit before diving in for more.

“You taste so good, sweetheart,” he said, smiling against you. You moaned in response, grabbing a fistful of his hair and pulling him closer.

Your sounds turned him on even more, searching for his own release as he rubbed himself against the couch. His mind was in a daze, in utter disbelief that anyone could look so perfect for him with your legs spread and your back arched. Your chest rose and fell to the rhythm of his tongue, and your lips formed a perfect ‘o’. Oh, how Eddie wanted to feel your lips around his cock. How you’d sink down on him, your perfect innocent mouth being completely sinful just for him.

He placed a finger at your entrance and pumped in and out, his thumb now circling your clit. Your head fell back. “God, yes, Eddie. Just like that.”

“I need you to do something for me, baby,” Eddie said as he added a second finger.

“Wha—what’s that?” you asked, breathless.

“I need you to tell me what you think of when you get off. Tell me what you were thinking of before I showed up at your door.”

“I—I oh god,” you shouted as Eddie’s lips found your clit. “I—I thought about you on your fucking date.”

“Oh fuck,” Eddie groaned into your pussy, the vibrations shooting up your spine.

“I pictured you fucking her from behind, her skirt hiked up to her hips, her panties to the side as you fucked her in front of the bathroom mirror.”

“Fucking C—Christ,” Eddie stuttered, his hips rutting into the couch faster. “Keep going.”

“Then it was me you were fucking. You grabbed me by the hair, so I could watch what you were doing to me,” you said, your voice shaking with every word. “Eddie, please. I’m close. Please.”

“Come on, baby. You can do it. Tell me what I was doing to you.” He was past dreaming at this point. He was sure this was heaven. Hearing your words had him reeling. He didn’t want to stop, didn't know how to stop. He just knew he needed to see you come.

Your lip trembled. “Your hands were all over me, playing with my tits, your lips on my neck, and—and your big cock pounding into me over and oh-ver and—and Fuck! Eddie, don’t stop! Please, please, please!”

Your orgasm crashed down on you, expletives and Eddie’s name on your lips. Eddie continued to pump his fingers in and out of you like a madman as he lapped up your cum.

“Oh god, oh fuck!” he moaned against you.

You pushed his head off of you and caught your breath. Eddie took a breath, too, leaning back against his heels. You pulled him back up to you and kissed him, tasting yourself on your lips.

“That… was so hot,” Eddie said, releasing a breath.

“Can it be my turn to help you?” you asked, looking up at him through your eyelashes.

Eddie’s cheeks rouged slightly, his eyes trailing to the growing wet spot on his jeans. “I had a turn already,” he said, guilt painting his words. He leaned in toward you, a devilish smirk joining his features. “But I’m not done with you. Not yet.”

[allllium]

Just an Accident

~ Jason todd x reader who was accidentally hurt

~ Fluff, Jason being dramatic, WC:

~ Inspired by @mostly-imagines

[Thank you guys for being so patient while I finished this and thank you for all likes 💓💓 I really wasn't expecting anything till this was finished. Hope this meets your expectations <3]

Jason tried really hard to keep his secret secret from you but let's be honest, he's very obvious about it. Especially once you meet his family.

After he finally came clean to you about everything, he became even more protective. More protective than you ever thought possible.

He would freak out anytime he didn't know where you were or if you got hurt in any way.

"I'm so so sorry." Bruce says, following you through the mansion repeating his apology.

"It's okay, Bruce, it was an accident." You reply, "I should've known."

Honestly there was no way you could've known that Bruce was creating some elaborate booby trap on the kitchen counter that would fail and smack you in the face when you walked into the kitchen.

It didn't hurt too bad, luckily Bruce was testing things with plastic and not the real materials.

From the look of it though, you'll definitely have a mark on your nose and possibly a bruise under your eye.

"I had no idea it was gonna do that." He continues defending, knowing how Jason will react.

"It's fine, I swear. I know you wouldn't do that on purpose." You walk into the living room and sit down on the couch. Bruce sits next to you.

"Can I get you anything?" He asks. Obviously freaking out.

"No, it's alright. It really doesn't hurt."

"Oh shit." You hear Dick gasp. Coming in through the front door with Tim.

"Oh, what did you do!?" Tim asks, "Jason is gonna kill you."

"It was an accident, everything is fine." You try to calm everyone down.

Seeing that you're okay, Dick can't hold back his laugh.

"Wow, Jason is never gonna trust you again Bruce." Tim hits Dick on the arm and rolls his eyes. To the side of you, Bruce leans forward to hold his head in his hands.

"I think you guys are being a little dramatic. Jason isn't gonna kill him."

"No you seriously underestimate how Jason will react to this." Tim tells you.

"Yeah, remember he almost killed me for making jokes about you when you first got together."

"What?" You turn to Dick in confusion, "I don't remember that."

"Not important," he waves it off, "The point is, we need a plan."

"A plan for what?"

"A plan to hide this from Jason" He tells you, in a tone that screams obvious.

"How would I do that, Dick? I live with him."

"I don't know yet, that's why we need a plan!" He exclaims, pacing in front of the couch.

You roll your eyes, "You're being dramatic."

"No he's not." Bruce says. You fall back into the couch and cross your arms over chest.

"Bruce please. I need at least one of other person here to be an adult."

You can hear Tim laughing as he sits in the chair next to the couch.

"Well, he's right. Jason's gonna be pissed." Bruce shakes his head at you. He stands from the couch and starts pacing with Dick.

"They're gonna make me lose my mind." You mumble under your breath. You run your hands over your face, this childish behavior you're watching isn't what you were expecting from Batman and Nightwing.

Okay to be honest you were definitely expecting this from Dick.

Tim leans over to whisper to you, "You should make a break for it, they're too busy plotting to notice you leave."

"Let me guess," you whisper back, "you've had to make a break for it a couple times?"

"More than you know." He shakes him head and has a serious look on his face.

"Well, have fun with that." You laugh and walk out the front door. Tim was right, both the guys were so busy trying to figure out how to hide you from Jason, they totally forgot to hide you.

You rush home to meet Jason. You were supposed to meet for dinner but obviously you got a little distracted.

"Hey baby." You sigh when you walk through the door. Jason is in the kitchen cooking dinner. Whatever he chose to make, made the whole room smell amazing.

"Hey. What took you so long?"

"I stopped by the mansion to borrow that thing from Alfred but he wasn't there." You tell him, referencing some cooking tool you wanted to make desert for after dinner.

"Where did he go?" You want into the kitchen to see him while you talk.

"I have no idea. I got distracted by something Bruce was doing." You walk over and take a piece of food that he's cutting.

Without looking, he softly smacks your hand away.

"Rude." You laugh.

"This is my sacred space." He puts the knife down and gestures over the whole counter.

"You're ridiculous." You laugh again and kiss him on the cheek.

"How dare you." He puts his hand on his chest in fake offense. Only then does he turn to actually look at you. "What happened?" He immediately asks.

"Oh it's fine, just got smacked with some plastic " Which is apparently not the answer he wanted.

"What the fuck does that mean?" He grabs your face gently and examines the marks on your face.

"It means I got hit with some plastic. But it doesn't hurt." You quickly explain, but he doesn't let go of your face or stop freaking out.

"What plastic?"

"Bruce was experimenting with something and it didn't work."

"He did this?" He lets go off your face to run his hands over his own.

"It was accident. He wouldn't hurt me on purpose and you know that."

"I don't care if it was an accident, you're hurt."

"Jason." You say firmly. He's obviously surprised considering you never use his name to address him. "An accident is an accident and you're not gonna hold this against Bruce. He already apologized and clearly felt bad."

"But you're hurt" He pouts.

You step forward and wrap your arms over his shoulders. "It doesn't hurt. It was just some plastic."

"It left a mark."

"I promise I'm okay. And I want you to promise you won't hurt Bruce for this." You look right into his eyes and do your best to give him a puppy dog look. Which isn't necessary because he can't say no to you anyway.

"Fine I promise I won't hurt him." He presses his forehead to yours, "I'd rather leave him to stew in fear anyway."

You chuckle at his words. "As long as no real harm comes to him I won't stop you from having fun."

"Good." He kisses you once and heads back to make dinner. You have no doubt Jason would ever actually hurt Bruce over something so small but you'd rather be safe than sorry.

Hopefully this'll stop Dick and Bruce acting like absolutely children in the future.

Yeah that'll never happen.

Not even 10 minutes after finishing dinner you get a call from Dick.

"How dare you?" He asks the moment you answer the phone. "You're a traitor."

"Again with the dramatics Dick. You can't stop me from going home."

"Let me guess Jason's on his way here to get some revenge right now." He says in a very childish and fearful tone.

"No! I was right, you guys are way more dramatic than you should be and he has no intention of killing anyone." Jason looks at you as you talk to his brother. Clearly wondering what he has to do with this situation.

"I don't believe you. You've shown where your loyalty lies."

"Why are you talking like I'm an enemy or something?"

"Maybe you are! How should I know?"

"Okay you're right." You decide to play along, "I couldn't stop him from wanting to kill Bruce, he's on his way there right now."

Jason furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"I knew it! Mark my words one day-"

His voice cuts off when you hang up.

"There is something severely wrong with your entire family." You tell Jason with a blank face.

"Yeah I know." He puts his arm over your shoulder and pulls you into him.

Hmm you wonder how long it takes till Dick realizes you lied.