Tumgik
#it has a lot more depth if u compare it w my old one
veggyble · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
wanted to show u guys the new reshade >:) a heavily tweaked lithium, what do u think?
6 notes · View notes
oksullen · 1 year
Note
I SAW U ON MY NOTIFS OMG ITS BEEN SO LONG HOW ARE YOU??
I don’t know why I just saw this omg!! I’ve been good :) I’ve been working a lot and busy with classes and just everything else life has to offer 😂
Willow is almost 2 years old now!! and she’s gotten so big and she’s been much more well behaved too!!
Tumblr media
I’ve been on and off Tumblr and usually just go on to read some stuff on my favorite fandoms which surprisingly there isn’t a lot of the things im looking for!! I’ve really taking a liking to My Hero Academia but specifically 3 characters- Best Jeanist, Edgeshot, and Stain which there is like NO new content on them!! I haven’t finished the anime yet since im more of a manga reader than an anime watcher 😔
but more on Best Jeanist- I have become addicted to his character 😭 I’ve rebranded some of my usernames to him and I have a collection of merchandise of him on my shelf!! It started as a joke but it’s not a joke anymore!! same with Stain and Edgeshot, but most of my money has gone to Best Jeanist. I’m so sad there’s not much content on him, I say I’ll just write my own but that isn’t true- LOL but that’s ok, I can just use my free time to think of silly little scenarios of him in my head!!
Here’s a picture of my current anime collection, it’s slightly outdated but you get the idea:
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Not pictured is a couple One Piece things since I’ve really started to like One Piece again and a couple plushies including a plushie of Shinsuke Kita from Haikyuu because he will always be my favorite (and Tsukishima too!! remember when my user was kaleshima!!)
I’ve always been taking a liking to making an OC and just my oc overall!! She’s mainly a MHA oc with a freaky blood/guts/gore manipulation power (it’s kind dark but I think it’s cool) and omg she’s taken up so much of my time and brain space, I feel like I’ve done more in depth creation of her than of myself 😂 I’ve also been buying a lot of art commissions of her!! I’ll attach a few images below, but I like talking about her so much that if I end up coming back here I might do some writing for her since I’d love someone or some place to talk about her :) all credits to the locket artists, I don’t think any of them have Tumblr though-: (the first image is her with Best Jeanist and the last is her with Stain!!)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
I also have gotten into JJK but im still new to it, only watching the first couple episodes and reading the leaks 😭 which is a GREAT way to start omg
Also, don’t you love it when old hyper fixations come back??!??! yeah, that’s me right now with Mortal Kombat!! I’ve been a fan for almost 10 years now and the new game is so good!! and the characters omg… they made them so good 😍 thankfully Tumblr has a lot on them!!
but other than some things coming and going there hasn’t been a lot of new stuff in my life but compared to last year my mood and health has been so much better which is a win in my eyes, plus im starting to like a new guy which is good because I got my heart absolutely shattered little over a year ago and I swear I thought I was never going to recover, but recovery is possible and I give myself a lot of credit for the things I’ve done despite life seemingly staying the same.
I hope to move out of my parents house soon and continue my education further and my social life and all that but ik that won’t happen until a few years which seems like forever but seeing how 2023 has gone by so fast, I have a feeling it’s going to come quicker than it seems
I always say I want to come back to writing on this app and honestly I am in need of a new hobby because yeah listening to music is great but it doesn’t get you far!! which by the way, also a hyper fixation, bands and music and all that- I am really big into Nirvana right now and plan on dressing up as the lead singer Kurt Cobain for Halloween- which is funny I am dressing up because for the first time I have no plans for Halloween!! I’ll probably just bake some goodies and watch scary movies. How is Halloween celebrated where you are, if at all? American culture is so funny- and it’s funny because America doesn’t have much culture, it’s just one big melting pot which makes it unique
Speaking of music, my favorite artists are probably Nirvana (which is a band) and so is Radiohead, Weezer, The Smiths, Ghost, and Korn (which are rock/metal bands, I really recommend them if you’re into that!!) but I also really like Melanie Martinez, Lana Del Rey, Mitski, Alex G, and a couple other solo artists (fun fact, I went to many concerts over the summer including Melanie and Weezer- they were so good!!) what kind of music do you listen to? any you recommend?!
Half way typing this too, I thought of the idea of coming back to Tumblr to write not just drabbles on my current hyper fixations but maybe some life advice and psychology stuff, I have a way with words and advice and all that even though I am considered “to young to know all this” but I see it as both good and bad having an old soul at a young age- and not to say I am a little child either, but I haven’t even been on this earth for 20 years yet, soon enough though
That all being said, I feel like a huge chapter of my life is coming to a wrap up soon and I am excited to start the new one!! I’ve been on this app forever even though I technically shouldn’t have had Tumblr as a pre-teen but hey, we all start somewhere!!
How have you been? Anything new and exciting? Or maybe something you’ve learned? I’ve been trying to learn new hobbies and I’ve started to really dig into what I want to do as a career since I have to really decided soon (I am doing community college right now which is a free 2-3 year schooling opportunity to earn credits before you go off and study a minor or major- not sure if you have that where you live and if you do it’s still probably different)
Anyways I want to study business and business management since I have taken a liking to running/leading an organization/group and coming up with marketing ideas for various groups I spend my time in- including theatre!! I have a local theatre group I work in backstage and I am the stage manager this year which is great since I want to going into management
It’s “late” where I am- actually it’s just 9:30 but I go to bed early especially when I have things to do the next day 😔 I’ll probably just use the excuse I am tired to run to Starbucks and spend my money like I always do. I really have become addicted to Starbucks and it’s only going to worsen as “Capitalism Christmas” comes next
Holidays are so silly to me too, I don’t really enjoy them because they’ve always seemed to cheesy and not like they “advertise” but I hope to make the best of it this year, even if it just ends up being me working that day and then coming home to my dog. What Holidays do you enjoy? Any certain traditions or events you’re looking forward to?
I’ve written down most of my thoughts and this has been the most I’ve written in ages!! Maybe I should answer more asks from now on to get myself into the writing kick!! 😂
I hope you’ve been well and I hope we can talk more soon!! I totally just remembered we have each other on discord too!! I changed my user to @bestkaleist (Best Jeanist reference) so if you’re confused as to who that is, it’s me!!
wishing you all the well!! 🥬
4 notes · View notes
Note
i've been interested in learning about numerology, do you have any recommended sites or books about it ? also lol do you know if i should use my name i was given when i was born or the name i actually use for myself when calculating things?
tbh, i am bad at reading so i never read books. n when it comes to websites, theyr all kinda trash nowadays, all the same vague generic info under layers of ads n pop ups..the linda goodman forums can have some decent threads w ppl talking more in-depth about subjects of this nature but i take it all w a grain of salt. its entertaining at the very least. i like youtube cus its easier for me to absorb info thru listening than reading. one youtuber i like is alyssa sharpe, she mostly does astrology but has a few numerology vids that are /ok/ but theyre pretty old. i cant rmember any other channels specifically but theres a lot out there, ill just watch thru as many vids as i can when im in the mood to learn.
they say u should use not only the name u were given at birth, but also the names you've given yourself, all of them are necessary for an accurate reading but just do what ur comfortable with. they say ur birth name is ur destiny number n the ways ur name changes over the course of ur life creates new expressions of ur destiny. thats what ppl say, at least. in one of alyssa sharpe's videos she explains it way more detailed !
thank for asking ^^ sorry i dont have many direct sources to offer i still feel pretty amateur at numerology compared to astrology.
8 notes · View notes
thecrenellations · 4 years
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Thick as Thieves Undead-Blog, Part One | when your liveblog falls in a well then climbs out covered in flour | my notes from reading the book for the first time, Spring 2017
Expect yelling, lines that stuck out to me, and references that might only make sense in my head! Do not expect any meaningful analysis; I was simply reading this book, losing my mind, and feeling like I was falling in love. (Context provided in italics.)
Part Two
Chapters 1-5:
Ch. 1 - Kamet meets Costis and finds out about Nahuseresh’s “death” 
1. similar start to KoA and ACoK? and Thief?? feeling stupid
2. smashed bottle of remchik (amphora motif?)
RUSTICATE
oh no Nahuseresh why you’re married!
3. a new character! (Laela)
5. u look like a pomegranate
6. how old is Kamet?
8. “crooked men assume others are crooked as well” like thieves and philanderers...
10. Laela thinks Attolia is doomed?
ORNON????
“nature of world” is that what you really think?
trained as a child
11. poor eyesight
PAH COSTIS IS BACK i’m emotional
A VERY LARGE ATTOLIAN
12. THANK THE ETERNAL GODS HE WAS A CHATTY ATTOLIAN THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK
13. everyone is smart
a deep well of spite, low cunning
14. physical description of Costis?!?
he says he has so much power but he ... hides in alcoves? behind urns?
15. backward Attolia
a match made in hell (Kamet’s assessment of Gen and Irene)
K’s backstory
what does he like? does he WANT wealth and power?
16. *****“There is freedom and power” ***** (this quote was featured in some of the promotion before publication, I think, so it stuck out to me as especially important, though it probably would have anyway because it says a whole lot about Kamet’s perspective!)
oh no well there goes my wish for insight into Nahuseresh RIP (I didn’t LIKE Nahuseresh and particularly want to get to know him better, but I did go into this book hoping we’d get a more nuanced view of some of the Mede court ... turns out we absolutely DID get some serious insight into Nahuseresh despite him not appearing in person ... oof. I do still hope that RotT gives us even more Mede characters or fleshes out the other ambassadors - Akretenesh and Melheret (though we we just see them through the eyes of people like Sophos who vehemently oppose them) still seem less unique/complex/human compared to other antagonist-types like Ambiades, Sejanus, reader’s choice of baron.)
17. tears ... not for him though
 21. Shesmegah = Philia?
22. Rabbit and Lion!!!
23. Bear ... thx mwt <3 plz don’t be foreshadowing (Gen compares himself to a dancing bear ... so “there had been a white bear once, a gift from the Braelings in the north, but it had died in the heat” is pretty ominous, especially considering the animal allusions to another character on the previous page!)
24. he’s leaving the gates an enemy of king!
Ch. 2 - Kamet bumps into Immakuk and then Costis, the Anet’s Dream burns
28. how do they know who’s a slave?
clothes, chain
it’s Odin (listen. Odin and Immakuk both have one eye and show up a lot! I was totally on the right track. Shoutout to The Saga of the Volsungs ;) )
Enforcers of Imperial Peace give me a break! (i mean, in the US police are often officially called “peace officers” so, fair)
is he a god? srsly
32. the first of my many lies (“you said after noon”)
is this post-annuxing? no?
We went to the theater
34. I am a good judge of men
35. “i could evade the attolian far more easily than the palace guard” he is a palace guard <3
36. HIS ACCENT IS STILL HORRIBLE also your god’s favor
37. uhhh omg
38. omg OMG OMGOMG OMG (this was me generally losing it at Kamet’s assessment of Costis and at “he told me his name, as if he expected me to use it” I still cannot get over that line)
that’s one way to get Ornon out of your hair
39. Has C picked up the mind-reading habit
“take a seat” ... parallel to first KoA scene with Costis and Gen?
40. so certain of my place in the world
DIVESTED himself of his shirt
41. soooooooo bad bad institution (Kamet is thinking about the other slaves being executed)
42. Mercy buds (Kamet and Costis/Shesmegah and Philia)
44. more retrospect/depth in narration than Sophos, even (“I should have had more respect for his quick thinking” etc)
"i wanted to believe i steered the course of my future” no it’s Gen aka the gods
47. Story time!
friends
53. Ziggurat vs tower?
54. Costis is good in a crisis
55. what is this (Kamet’s swimming struggles)
“cooped up”
Ch. 3 - Kamet and Costis stay in Sherguz, then leave by caravan
62. making excuses to hang w Costis 4eva
who set the boat on fire?
who was the merchant on it?
68. know my secret??
wtf Costis you put a rock in your breastplate?
73. holy shit “eloquent”
lol this scene! (Costis negotiating with Roamanj)
“you are asking this because i look like your generous old uncle” his uncle is NOT generous tho
75. what is palm grease? :o 
does C really not know N is dead? what if he isn’t ....? (lol don’t give me too much credit for this thought, I quickly dismissed it)
76. sign of the idiot!
78. Aris! <3 Wish I hadn’t been spoiled for this! (by the character list absolutely crammed full of spoilers in all the new paperbacks)
79. Are these like the large caravans Eddis took?
85. around the fire interesting education vibes + romance?
I’m so proud of Costis!
Ch. 4 - Contains lions and backstory
89. Yes! (Namreen attack. I don’t know what in particular I was excited about. Possibly Costis’s comment that the guy who stabbed Kamet didn’t have his guard up? Or just everything.)
90. Wow! When u get over it, compare to Costis w/ Gen hurt!
93. “why namreen” OMG Kamet tell him!!! it’s important!
94. no one knows what my king knows
95. a herd of cats!
damn yeah issues
A LION!!! wtf 
I would LOVE to hear Costis hiss
OMG COSTIS NO
96. prayers ouch ... oxe harbrea?
98. oh my god
101. Costis is kind
105. Costis is accustomed to passing the day in silence - but he fills the silence here w/ Kamet w/ horrible jokes!
god what was K’s childhood
106. OMG sand in food
107. OMG so cute (Costis telling stories about Gen)
108. So so so! :)
110. I am aghast I continue to be aghast I’m surprised This Incident wasn’t common knowledge tho (How did you come to Ianna-Ir? I punched the king in the face.)
112. well that was a long and slightly weird story (abt Costis’s story of the above. I was channelling something Martin says in the Cabin Pressure episode “Fitton” about the sauce?)
116. Attolian slang omg
literally the main suspense/climax is when is Kamet going to call Costis by his name?!?!!!
117. [doodle of caggi conversation, see photo at top of post]
126. omg they were both in Attolia but not together
if Kamet was in the kitchen then does he know Sandy? (LJ fandom name for Brinna before we knew who she was)
127. OMG nutcakes vs Irene (“She was as beautiful as the Queen of the Night, but the Attolian nutcakes ... were even more beautiful -- and they wouldn’t kill you.”)
looks like a nutcake is actually a nutcake
looks like a nutcake could actually kill u? (I THINK ABOUT THIS CONCEPT A LOT. someday I will make a post about it)
Ch. 5 - Road trip continues, Ne Malia/Koadester
131. So proud of Costis’s acting! (losing money to sell the chain)
136. the truth? (Kamet’s backstory)
we’re just getting more (as readers)
140. IT’S ODIN (onion farmer)
143. fastener?
144. wooo (thoughts about “new authority as a free man”)
151. crack in china cup returns
153. Costis you’re sharing your king’s confidence!
154. Eugenides here to break up your empire!
lol Melheret Gen why
156. “squabbles” wars all reduced to reliable trade route!
apparently I became too engrossed to take notes as their pursuers caught up to them, because that’s all for this chapter! The journey will continue when I’ve typed up more ... let me know if anything is incomprehensible. Thanks for reading!
9 notes · View notes
icharchivist · 5 years
Note
Lol, nothing to be ashamed of. Lavi's reaction to his relationships is one of the most fascinating parts about his character. I too wonder what his reaction will be post Noah abduction. Is Lavi the type to get that angry/vengeful for himself or just for someone else? It's possible if it was just him he could bury his feelings better and rationalize it's war and the Noah don't play nice. But Bookman is involved too. If something bad happened to Bookman because of the Noah would Lavi get furious-
2 enough to act irrational (for a bookman)? Afterall losing Bookman would also make Lavi the new Bookman (considering all the secrets he doesn’t know. I think Lavi would feel wholly unprepared for the new title). 
we’ll do this by parts because there’s a lot to get through (with love nonny, this is fantastic and now i have a lot of Lavi’s feels thank u) So let’s start there.
But this is a good question and the question i’m wondering as well. And Bookman remains someone important for Lavi, emotionally and in term of rank, in term of what it means for him. The death of Bookman could bring anger, but would that anger be affection based? Would it also be fueled by the crushing duty on his shoulder? The crushing pain they both went through? Would Lavi consider his own pain or only the old man’s? There’s.. so many questions and i guess we just have to wait and see. I trust Lavi’s heart is too talkative for his own good, but it depends how much he decides to dedicate himself to his Bookman part once he has no other choice.
AND I’m gonna put the rest under read more because MAN this is fascinating and it has a lot of asks and Get In For the Lavi Suffering Train my friends!
(if you’re on mobile and the readmore doesn’t work blacklist #long post for ts, or #readmoreundercut to reduce this post, it got very long)
But yeah, there’s no use in comparing one reaction to another in terms of loss. All of them speak to how Lavi views them. From what I’ve observed Lavi hates seeing the volition of his friends violated. He hated how scared Leverrier made her when forcing her to act. He hated Tyki for -
3 trying to kill Allen and taking his future as a exorcist away since he knows how important that is to Allen. He didn’t calm down in both cases until Lenalee made her own choice and Tyki confirmed Allen was alive and coming. He also acts very post close death of someone. W/Lenalee he started to pay more attention to the depth of her feelings and comfort her (before he either kept distant or yelled at her). W/Allen he contemplated his own heart and acted more clingly. Both cases he got more - 4 more protective. 
ooh this is a very, very good point! And even if it’s no surprise it really puts to word how that “bookman got no heart” thing is bullshit. If at least the Tyki’s overreaction was due to the grief and loss (which would be understandable as you say further in, not being as convinced of Allen’s survival) the one for Lenalee and Lveille was entierely on how Lveille was emotionally abusing Lenalee- something that is less “obvious” than litterally killing (geez i wonder how “I’m so heartles” Lavi managed to get pissed at an entierely emotionally based conflict) (is making fun of Lavi’s lack of heartlessness getting old yet? Bc I still will use that against him). 
And you’re also right that there was a real change of action from Lavi the moment he feared he lost them. He was emotionally and physically more available to either of them- and since the most of it was when Bookman wasnt looking, it’s not really a wonder that Bookman made sure Lavi kept his distances when the destruction of the Order ended. Tbh it makes sense Lavi took his distances storywise when he did 
(and it’s only the hiatuses that makes it very agonizing- and i mean it in general because even the pacing of the story had to change when Hoshino went to monthly with the Alma arc and to the current pacing. I remember that she mentioned having wanted to make a 3rd Exorcist centric arc before the Alma Arc but her health was running thin when she went on Monthly so she jumped on the Alma’s arc that was more important for her to tell. That’s why also she found the loophole to get the Thirds to be mindcontrolled by the Earl now and giving Link this side arc focusing on how he’s worried for them in recent arcs. I’m kinda sad we never got to see what that “Third Plotline” would have originally looked like, but i’m kinda curious how she’ll rework it. (tbh I feel like originally there was going to be an arc with more actions of the Third gradually getting the Noah’s interests rather than just their intervention in Paris and unseen missions. An arc to realy set in motion how the Noah came to the conclusions we see them get by the Alma arc. So like, kept the reasoning we got offscreen and keeping the thematic and lore/characters development for a future arc with another plot).Point is, it is possible there were more Lavi’s development planned after the Paris arc that had to be scrapped with the Alma arc was moved forward. (i also think there was a bonus around the Paris’s arc of Lavi mentioning coming back in the plot soon so if i’m not wrong, it strengthen my belief there). Considering also the focus on Lavi and Bookman following the news at that time, it’s possible it wasn’t directly planned to jump into what became of their storylines. Imo i wonder if the political aspect didn’t have to take a major backseat as well. I mean before the Alma arc we were learning about how the Noah (esp Sheryl with his political situation) were manifacturing wars to create the sorrow needed for the Akuma, and we see especially Lavi and Bookman read about it and more seriously mention it. I wonder if that was the set up to something that had to be pushed away considering how Sheryl becomes proheminant in the next arcs not for his political ties (like he was introduced) but for his sadism. THAT SAID it’s also interesting Sheryl’s introduction was directly commented on by LAVI AND BOOKMAN, which imo emphasis even more how much Sheryl was supposed to affect their storylines. It still works with the torture plot though. AND MAN THAT WAS A LONG PARENTETHIS SORRY). 
Erg what was i saying- ah yes, Bookman might have seen that Lavi ended up getting closer to the others the few times Bookman hadn’t been paying attention, and with the threat of the innocence taking Lavi away (which would be fun, losing one apprentice to the Noah and the second to the Innocence…), forcing Lavi to recenter on Politics and keep his distances from the others made sense. Until the Alma arc happened and then it was just bad luck. Point is, Lavi’s emotional balance changed once Bookman wasn’t there to monitor him and i think Bookman is painfully aware of that. I think it’s not even innocent Bookman sent Lavi on Bookman’s duty to record Cross and Allen’s conversation about the 14th. Forcing Lavi into his duty in regard of what was happening to Allen, forcing him to face what caused him emotions and get back to being heartless. Doubt it really worked though but i can see a reasoning there in trying to remind Lavi of his duty.
I think Lavi would get pretty angry on Kanda’s behalf. But I wonder if it’d be on the same level of the other examples? They get along better then most but we haven’t seen them that emotionally availiable to the other. Ex, like Kanda was w/Alma, Lenalee, Marie and Teidoll and now w/Johnny and Allen. when I focus more on Allen (blame Lavi not being present for any of the Kanda plot). We’ll see whenever they reunite. 
It’s a good question tbh. I wonder if the ��oh no i’m caring too much” trigger isn’t set on “almost dying companions” and thus Lavi wouldn’t have reacted as much for Kanda (?). I wonder if he would just have gone back too what his mindset was before going to the Order according to his Road’s memories: “Humanity just sucks.” (heavily paraphrazing but he says something similar bc he saw too many wars. Which hell, he is at his 49TH NAME FOR A 49TH RECORDED WAR AT 18, i’m terrified to do the math (bc also i’m terrified of math) but that’s enough to make you lose faith in humanity). I wonder if Lavi wouldn’t have been “Disgusted but Not Surprised”. 
But I like to believe he couldn’t help but be angry still. I want to believe in Lavi’s heart there. Of how much the Order first opened his mind and is now a source of suffering. Perhaps that’s also why he had to be kept away from that plotline. Bc he would have been unpredictable. 
I think I like to focus on Allen’s impact on Lavi the most -
5 because the series does (it is Allen’s story). 
(lmao mood and you play on my bias there and u know it)
Lavi got attached before Allen but the novel w/Dug reveals he was still detached enough to move on (and Dug was probably his closest genuine friend at the time). It wasn’t until Lavi saw an Akuma’s soul and Allen talking Krory out of suicide that something changed in Lavi. How the heck can a kid live in hell and still be so good? Lavi probably thought he had already seen hell in countless wars but one Aluma soul made him sick like nothing before - 6 did. 
This is a VERY GOOD POINT and tbh same I do think the “seeing the Akuma’s soul” was the catalyst for Lavi. Also I think it was mentioned then that “allowing others to see Akuma’s soul” only happened that one time, so between Lavi, Krory and Allen. For Allen it was his “all the time” thing, for Krory it was his very first time even comprehending what Akuma were like, ways to be scared for life.
But for Lavi it also suddenly put emotional weight on what was happening, especially when his introductions is all a bit… teasing about how Allen was relaying on said eye. The whole “can’t trust anyone” speech he tells Allen. Which is even more telling that he JUST CAME BACK from the Dug’s mission when this whole arc happened. Meaning Lavi could have been really bitter about it and become extremely cynical. 
For Lavi who distances himself emotionally from people to start with, who doesn’t even trust humanity all that much, “weapons made from people who cared to the point of being carried away” would probably just emphasis more on how much he’s not supposed to care. Adding fuel on why he is to be heartless, that he cannot trust anyone. And for Allen, who’s so young, so reliant on his eye, “not knowing the horrors of eventually losing someone to an Akuma” (I doubt Lavi knew of the Mana incident back then- if he did know Allen turned Mana into an akuma due to records though I think he might have been cynical bc he just lost someone over “that stupid move” too- would take time to sink in that those feelings even happened), it would just be someone who “got it easy”. While Lavi learnt the hard way what losing a close one to an Akuma would be like (also ding ding ding we got another parallelism between Lavi and Allen I’ve never noticed before of the two of them knowing someone who got turned into an Akuma this is a bingo). (And now that i’m thinking about it funny how Allen/Lavi/Krory all had a closed one that became an Akuma and they were the one tied in that arc: they’re the three who knows what an Akuma’s looks like).
The Eliade incident was Lavi’s wakeup call that Allen wasn’t carefree, he wasn’t having it easy- he was seeing horrors and stood it with a smile, a smile as fake as Lavi’s, fellow fake smile liar. Also it may have also put into perspective how much of a hard time Allen suddenly had when he lost his eye. I also wouldn’t leave it past Lavi to have realized all the sudden that this “soul” was An Actual Person more than a poor decision. To be able to see and conceptualize the mutilated soul must have suddenly put the Dug’s situation into perspective. And if i’m not wrong- it’s that Dug called for Colette’s soul who died right? A Little girl. Seeing Eliade’s soul must have suddenly clicked in Lavi’s head of “Holy hell this is what happened to Colette”. It wasn’t a vague “ye ye tragedy creating weapon yada yada” this was knowing that inside the mutilated body of his friend, there was the mutilated soul of a little girl who didn’t ask for it. I think that definitly added to a sudden punch for Lavi because he could associate Eliade’s situation to Dug/Colette. And while this was an horrifying sight the most horrifying was to realize that Allen was used to it and this was the sort of things that haunted him and that he still carrid it on to the point of feeling SAFETY into seeing those souls. Perhaps that helped a lot understanding Allen’s compassion for the Akuma. 
And exactly like you mention: All this perspective had him more curious toward Allen. Tbh the fact he was even recluent in going to save Allen when the Krory arc started and that the following arc he was in full breakdown at the thought of Allen dying shows how much this incident only had him care for Allen beyond what he expected. It wasn’t just like Dug anymore. And I truly, truly believe it’s linked to how suddenly Lavi had to face Allen’s demons and wonder how he even keeps up a smile and still give himself up for those horrors. 
(I hadn’t read the manga in forever and now i want to again dear kdhkjdf)
Another was inside Roads dreamworld when Lavi was fighting deranged versions of his friends. This was always a peculiar scene to me I haven’t fully decided what it means. All of the Order/companions are attacking Lavi. Except Allen who looks totally normal and unlike the other versions, doesn’t judge Lavi. He instead comments on what Lavi has attached to and gets killed for it. Not by Lavi. But by Bookman jr. Maybe BJr knew Allen was the one person Lavi couldn’t rationalize hurting even-7 if he knew this Allen was fake? Either way it was seeing Allen’s death that broke Lavi mentally enough to get hurt and fall under Road’s control. Maybe it’s mean’t to convey Allen is put on a pedestal. Allen has seen hell but never became a part of it like Lavi’s seen so many others have (even Lenalee only cares about HER people. Nothing against her. It’s totally understandable. But Allen is different for caring about everyone). That’s why Allen would never become a ‘monster’ in Lavi’s mind? -
8 But that’s a theory. 
Ooh the scene that spilled a lot of ink (ahah geddit, “are we just ink on paper for you” and the ink of the Ace of spade spilling…. Look i need to do Bookmen jokes to cope)
But yes this scene was very good and I do think it’s true. The problem though is that since it’s Road’s illusion there’s a lot to wonder about how much was Road’s (correct) assuptions about Lavi, and the fact she herself has a soft spot for Allen. 
I think it’s possible Road went with Lavi getting to face everyone’s corpses accusing him for “not having feelings” to break him, and realized it didn’t work. Lavi managed to see through the illusion (if only because say, Lenalee wouldn’t have said the horrible things Fake!Lenalee says in his mind). But Road knows Allen. Road knows how sweet and gentle he can be. 
And somewhat she dig enough in Lavi’s brain to… not only know, but she found out the ACE OF SPADE and that goddamn Ace… MAN. LIKE. How important was that thing for Road to manage to tear it out from Lavi’s mind on the same level as him meeing Lenalee or the dude of the Order for the first time? From all the things Road could have picked up upon, it was that Card. That Card that represented how much affection Lavi had for Allen. That Card he linked to the grief of losing Allen (which also, doesn’t it mean Loss in divination reading? also due to the fact it looks like a heart upside down, pierced?). That Card that he kept as a memory of Allen, that he had to hold on to (litterally in the same frame as Anita & Lenalee talks about Cross and Lenalee asks “Do you believe he’s still alive?” (talking about Cross there) and Anita’s answer is set ON LAVI’S WATCHING THAT DAMN CARD thinking about ALLEN while she says “Yes. This is the only thing that’s giving me strength”. The very scene that has to force Lavi toremind himself he has no need for a heart. Also known as the scene that murdered me.).
And Road? Finds out how important that card is for Lavi, and realizes that Lavi “heartless” Bookman let himself cling into that one emotional piece, that ONE THING that kept him emotional. And what does she do? Realize that it means Allen is one of the only emotional things Lavi can materialize. And therefore, she shows Allen, gentle, sweet, kind, taking up the card, thanking Lavi for holding on to it. Lavi knew he was surrounded by illusions but he was frozen upon seeing Allen thanking him. If Allen immediatly attacked him like Fake!Lenalee did, how would Lavi have reacted? Who knows. Because Road went right to the emotions Lavi left vulnerable. The one thing Lavi had looked up to questioning about his Bookman duty and had his Bookman self murder Allen. And when the card fell down, all its ink disappeared, spilled. I think even “Bookman JR” says “what are you so distressed about, it’s only ink on paper?”. Turning how this card emotioanlly impacted Lavi into ink furthered Lavi’s duties due to how material it was.
I think you’re entierely right on “Bookman JR* knew Allen was the one person Lavi couldn’t rationalize hurting even if he knew Allen was fake”. (* albeit it is also Road digging into his own heart doing so - it is blurry whenever we can just pin it on Road or if his Bookman’s internal self also know and realize Allen is a weakness for himself). I think it might also be linked to how much of an emotional journey Allen had put him through so far and suddenly  it was too much, and Road took the approach of a gentle Allen, a REALISTIC Allen, and it took Lavi completely off guard. It suddenly made it all more painful.
I do think perhaps he considers Allen differently, if only because he saw them far latter and had to come with a lot of different realizations about Allen- especially by seeing under his mask. Lenalee was always sincere about how she felt- he saw her crying on her fallen companions when they first met. Allen fakely smiled, Lavi took him for granted, and had his entiere view on him shifted by the Eliade incident only to then lose him. If Lenalee showed the good of caring for your own people, Allen was confusing, was the opposite of “All humanity sucks” Pre-Order Lavi. 
bc i also think that counts: yes Lenalee cares only about her people, like you say- but Allen went off record to cut himself out from everyone while trying to save everyone: humans and akuma alike. I think that plays too. Lenalee keeps a few people close and she loves them openly. Allen fakes being close to everyone while he actually doesn’t let anyone in, carries all the burden for himself, and fight for absolutly everyone, friends or foes. And not by naivety, like Lavi first assumed, but by knowing too much. And ain’t “knowing too much” exactly what the Bookmen are for? “Knowing too much” is the reason Lavi cannot bring himself to get emotionally attached, and even managed to distach himself before the Order. Yet “Knowing too much” is the reason Allen cares so much despite consequences, despite what comes with it, despite seeing its horrors even more. “Knowing too much” had Lavi look down on humanity. “Knowing too much” had Allen focused on saving it. If only because of how much Lavi can relate to that, and how it links back to the sudden knowledge of what the eye bring, the vulnerability it created is fascinating.
(hell the whole torture does end with this: (translated from french bc it’s easier to grab my volume than look the chapter online sorry about that):Bookman self: Why are you so different from the 48 me before you? why does 49th suffer this much? Do you not want to be a Bookman anymore, “Lavi”? You prefer fighting for passing friendships? You know very well there’s no hope left to have in humankind. It only knows how to create conflicts. You know it well! So forget your self consiousness and remind yourself that “I”, I have responsabilities as Bookman.Lavi: Easy to say. Try to understand “me”. I lost faith in humanity. I wondered “Until when is it going to tear itself apart?” I was convinced that as a Bookman, I was belonging to a whole other species, what bullshit… But… could you light it up for me? In which purpose….. do Bookmen exist? Why the wars don’t end in the world of humankind?Bookman self: Why do you ask “me”? I don’t know!Lavi: I am you, right? There was 48 before. And with me, “Lavi” it makes 49…. 49 for one single person: “me”. And you still don’t have an answer? So if someone has to know….Unclear (probably both as it’s when “Lavi” disappears): The first one who started to change was You. The one who wanted to get out from this dead end. Who looked for answers. 
Those are the questions that arose from Road’s fight. This is the questions that arose from fighting the people he loved, from facing Allen, from facing guilt. I am still fascinated by this monologue to this day because i’m not entierely sure what it means except that Lavi is taking a different approach at being a Bookman, and trying to figure out what it means to be one outside from just coldly recording as a neutral party. He went from “Knowing too much is why I don’t care for them” to “but I have a responsability by Knowing too much to make sense of it”. And that’s something that, to me, seems influenced by Allen. If only because Allen was the catalyst of every step through that nightmare: From what Broke him to what Called Him Back. Of what Broke him by “sticking to the cold Bookman nature” self, and what Called Him Back due to “Acknowledging Emotions” (the Caring Call (erg this section was added after i explained further down what the Caring Call is, details further down), but also Road’s - as he directly then tells Allen when he awakes “dO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH THIS GIRL CARES ABOUT YOU”. Lavi’s key to salvation was to acknowledge Feelings. Of using this Knowledge he had to emotionally reccord to know how to emotionally get out. It isn’t for nothing Mister Heartless’s battle was a battle in his own heart this whole time.)
I do think there might be something for the torture of seeing everyone you don’t want to admit you care about hate you, and having the one person you know would care no matter what die in front of you because of the heartless facade you want to believe yourself to be, would break Lavi. Allen himself doesn’t hurt Lavi, Lavi still “gets stabbed” by everyone else fake!self. (albeit we know that Lavi still managed to stab himself first but u know what i mean). Somewhat it was more painful to be the cause of Allen’s downfall than Allen hating him. And this close from thinking Allen died? No wonder it hurt this much.
For Road to pinpoint it… honestly i could have easily said “it’s Road’s own feelings shinning through as well” since she does have a soft spot for Allen (and did hide in Allen) if it wasn’t for the Card and how it was presented beforehand.
… and i’m just realizing, Road hid in Allen probably expecting that Lavi would not be able to actually stab Allen without good reasons. And hell, Lavi didn’t do it until Allen called for him on the other side, what i called Caring Calls earlier (recent chapters say that “just like Akuma the loved ones’s call can be strong enough to bring back your soul from where it wanders”, imo it didn’t man that “Allen is completely like an Akuma” (more layered than that) but directly said that Johnny’s love was enough to get through Allen right? Then there’s no reason not to assume that “Lavi can you hear my voice?” didn’t manage to get through Lavi still. And it would be extremely ironic that the two who had loved ones become Akuma would manage to use the very power used to make Akuma, ie the caring calls, to fight back the Noah, using how they weaponized emotions against them by weaponizing it back. Especially the two who fake their emotions the most.). I think Allen’s voice managed to ground Lavi’s back in reality enough to be able to stab Road and see clarity in her mind game. But the only facts she pulled it that way says a lot about the assumptions she took away from it, and even more so when she was mostly right until Lavi gained clarity of mind.
Lol it’s actually a good thing Lavi’s not around to hear Allen’s backstory. Kanda’s a good first time listener for Allen because I doubt he’ll overreact in a way to make Allen regret it. If Lavi ever learned about how mistreated and abused Allen was I don’t think he could contain his anger (you’d almost pity Cosimo if he’s still around and Lavi ran into him knowing him as Allen’s past abuser). 
Honestly mood. I think Kanda would at least.. work better to catalyze what’s happening. From his own tragic past to how much he knows he can rely on Allen on that matter, I think he’s more likely to have a balanced enough reaction that we can get Allen to tell his full story without being interrupted. I think everyone else would get too emotional to let him finish ahah. But that’s to wonder how much Lavi would react to past hurt… Again, or does he only care when they nearly died. I don’t know if Lavi would get very stormy-pissed off but if Cosimo was still alive and Lavi met him knewing what happened I’d see him pulling Chaotic “pranks” at him in a very bad way? like. Restless. And Mean. But who knows really… tbh now that I think about it considering how he behaved to Lveille.. I think he would only become coldly cruel if Cosimo appeared in front of Allen and Allen showed discomfort. There, all hell would break loose. 
But yeah I could go on about Lavi. He’s a complex guy.
Tumblr media
considering this is the length of this answer thus far, I think we found each other nonny and you dug right into my heart. Needs two to cry over one fake heartless boy.
Sometimes I wonder if Lavi even believed Bookman when he said Allen was alive? We know Lenalee eventually did when she stated her belief during the Eshi fight. Lavi however was so furious when he wanted to fight Tyki that he didn’t calm down until Tyki said Allen was alive. Lavi acted shocked to hear that and still seemed surprised when Allen actually showed up. Compare his reaction to Lenalee who was angry at Tyki but not that revenge driven because she believed in her heart already Allen was-
2 alive and would rejoin them. She chose to have a lot of faith in order to keep her going (that says a lot about her strength of character, personal opinion) while Lavi stayed focused on his loss of Allen. It’s interesting how Lavi’s relationship with death itself plays so much into how he functions even inside his own mind. It might be why Lavi shows a fear that Allen will die because he’s too good to last in the world (the whole like the light scene). Darkness is permanent. Light isn’t.
First “Darkness is permanent. Light isn’t” is a freaking raw line, and it fits Lavi’s mindset so much, especially how much he had lost faith in humanity and the moment Allen lightened up (as you say, “you are light, i’m afraid you will disappear in the light”(paraphrazing bc i dont’ have the word for word englih vers and the french vers is more confusing). also this is so interesting that for Lavi there is darkness but for the Light, it’s the fear the Light might take Allen away. esp since he specifically mentions how “the crowned Clown”, that masked innocence is the one taking him away. The Light that is taking Allen away is the Innocence. And he compares the Masked innocence to Allen right after Allen try to smile to lift up people’s spirit: another smile Lavi sees right through as a fake smile, fearing Allen is losing himself in his own light, behind his mask: that while it’s a mask, it remains a light that can disappear. Lavi sees the destruction possibility from Light as well, had lost Allen to the darkness (and we, the audience, saw Allen being dragged away in Nea’s darkness at this point when he almost died) only now to be swallowed whole by the Light. Poetry.)
Also I completely agree on the Lenalee’s reading. I also really believe Anita’s sentence matters there, the one she tells Lenalee (and that is supperposed on Lavi) of believing Cross is alive “because it’s the only thing that’s giving me strength”. The dialogue seems to be echoing Lenalee and Lavi’s need to hold on to the thought of Allen being alive to give them strength.
The Asian Branch was the one to tell them Allen was alive but unable to use his innocence though so, as far as we know, Lavi had nor eason to really doubt Allen was alive. But I do think he was distressed by the amount of emotions it provocked him. Bookman beat him up for caring too much after he got cruel with Lenalee’s grief. Tbh I think Lavi was externalizing his own frustration on her, almost talking to himself. “Get yourself together, people die in wars, you should be expecting it”- all those horrible things he tells Lenalee while she’s crying for Allen, after Lavi ends up breaking a glass out of frustration- the fact Bookman then tells him that he shouldn’t be caring so much makes me think he was talking to himself but didn’t want to admit it. He felt the same distress as Lenalee but where Lenalee knew to externalize her feelings, to acknowledge them, Lavi was distressed to even have them, and instead of facing them, he took it against her. Perhaps there was something “unfair” that she could feel grief while “he couldn’t,” and  by shutting her grief down, he would do himself the service to shut his grief down. Obviously a dick move. But also a personal one.
I really do think it’s a lot about Lavi not wanting to process the grief.  Being unable to process it, and rejecting it completely. He didn’t go to the multiple stages of griefs, he didn’t have to be in denial, he didn’t have to barging: He went straight to anger and didn’t know how to get out of it. Allen being alive meant he didn’t have to go through all those steps but as a result he instead got overprotective. I think there’s this though  too is that when Lenalee almost died, Lavi jumped to Denial first and expressed it with Anger. Lavi didn’t let the possibility of Lenalee being dead sink in, even if he was terrorized by it.But for Allen, Timcanpy showed them as much shootage as he could, and for the trip from the Ace of Spade to the Boat, Lavi and Lenalee had no reason to even hold on hope. I believe too that the fact Lavi managed to hold on Hope for Lenalee was both that 1) Allen’s case showed the Denial was a possibility, 2) that he still hadn’t recovered from the recent grief that he wasn’t ready to go through anothr one. 
Likewise it’s not just Allen’s life that almost got lost: it was his innocence. And Lavi knows how important Allen’s duty is for him. We as the audience get to hear Allen says that he’d rather be dead than not being able to fight in the war, to save poeple. Lavi knows Allen cares about saving humanity and akuma, and for that , he needs the innocence. And he knows Allen gives himself up selflessly entierely for that. If Timcanpy’s recording showed everything, they also saw that Allen died because he tried to bring salvation to Suman, even when Suman was considered a traitor to the Order. And Unlike Lenalee, Allen didn’t know Suman personally. Allen just did it out of his own heart, of what he wanted to save. 
The loss of Allen was a loss of what was good in humanity. Of this Light that was going to fade away. And the fact is that up until Allen arrives, no one knew his Innocence would still work. Tyki took away Allen’s life purpose. Tyki took away what Allen used to save people, selflessly. Tyki took away Allen’s light, the salvation that Allen was offering others, what Allen cared above anything else. 
That adding to how little he processed the grief and how cruel Tyki had been, Lavi’s outbrust is more than justified for me. And even better for me to believe he knew Allen was alive but thought about how much he had lost. Because suddenly not even Allen being alive, not even how much he had to remind himself he had no heart: Lavi couldnt help let his fury take him over seeing Tyki. No amount of reasoning with himself, no possibility to blame anyone else but the person in front of him. And that’s RAW. 
 (also if we go Lavi = Heart theory (which we all know i’m a sucker for) it’s also amazing that both Allen and Lenalee’s innocences evolved. First, both innocence shielded them from Death, Allen’s innocence litterally repairing his devoured heart. (his!! heart!!) : bth while Lavi was freaking out about their death and couldn’t let it sink in. Lenalee’s innocence then remained non-offensive the entiere time (finally answering her wishes to not be a weapon in the war after she almost died in it), the only time she begs for her innocence back is when Lavi is not conscious to hear her, and the innocence accepts her again after she begs for it in the infirmary in front of Lavi (with a lot of Focus on Lavi i might add). For Allen, his innocence evolved when Tyki sent the Akuma to kill him when he saw Lavi’s distress. Lavi’s emotions were all over the place and suddenly he had reasons to fear for Allen’s life again and that’s when the innocence shielded Allen with light. Also note that during that fight against Tyki Lenalee’s innocence shield her in a crystal again when Lavi lose sight of her and panics. Also fair to notice that Allen’s innocence evolved into an innocence “harmless for humans” right when Lavi’s mind was being broken and a fight between the two of them was unavoidable. Allen’s innocence evolved in a way that could protect Lavi right before Lavi needed it. But again it’s Heart theory stuff and y’all know what a sucker i am for it).
ALTHOUGH I do believe that even if Lavi believed Allen was alive, it was a harder belief to hold on to. That he believed in it “only to give himself strength” and seeing Tyki had his strength waver. While Lenalee held on it tightly, put all her faith in it (ironical for a character characterized by her lack of faith in her innocence, yet her full faith into people, her need to have faith that they will be okay (i do think she mentions something like that about Komui too, of having to hold on faith it will be alright.): an interesting tidbits about Lenalee imo), Lavi tried so hard to rationalize all of that that he might have “believed” in the background without holding this thought too hard because doing so would be caring too much, would be reopening thewounds that hadn’t healed and refused to. No need to believe if you don’t acknowledge it right? You can interpret the shape of a cloud any way you want, there is no shape to believe in if you keep your eyes closed. Until you’re forced to snap your eyes back opened and face it ithout being able to have the time to rationalize it. 
Does that make sense? I hope it does.
But yes, I agree, I do think that coming this close from almost losing him had Lavi scared to process the grief again. And scared to lose him to the light like they lost him to the darkness, one extreme to the other.
DGM: Crud. All this Lavi talk and his feelings over loss makes me realize he hasn’t seen or experienced Allen’s Noah awakening at all. What if Lavi’s going to be a observer and he’s helpless watching Allen deteriorate in front of him. How’s he going to talk to Neah? How’s he going to feel about Kanda carrying the burden of killing Allen before Neah takes over for good? Apocryphos chasing after Allen to merge w/him and hurting their friends along the way? There’s a lot of bad waiting for Lavi!
I almost answered this one on its own but i think it ties in perfectly: Isn’t Allen’s current storyline of being torn between the darkness (Noah/Nea) and the Light (Innocence/Apocryphos)? This would be Lavi’s fear come to realization again to see it. To see Allen being swallowed by either, to see him struggle against either side. 
Lavi did hear of at least the whole thing Cross told Allen about Nea/Mana and Allen’s determination of “I am not the 14th, I am Allen, and screw him, i will fight for myself”. Lavi was the only witness of this convo with Cross and the Crows. (which also makes me realize how much Lavi DOES know about Allen at this point bc that was a very particularly vulnerable moment in which Allen completely broke down in front of Cross. His mask fell down by facing his past.)
so if anything, Lavi knows Allen will fight no matter what, he knows of Allen’s determination: But he hadn’t seen how much it had been tested so far. Currently Allen is being tested to some extreme with how much both sides are tearing on him. A lot of set up Lavi is aware about and worried about, but hadn’t been able to experience yet. And with Lavi’s current bad experience with the Noah (with Fiidora drawing his heart broken i’m going to sUE-) I doubt those feelings would be easy to sort out. 
It’s funny how Lavi is forced to be neutral by watching both sides and yet being emotionally involved in the exorcists and physically involved with the Noah, while Allen is forced being Neutral by being rejected from where he wants to be and dragged where he doesn’t want to. I wonder how much facing that would feel like.
OKAY THAT’S ALL FOR THE LAVI’S ASKS I THINK. I think we might have overlooked a few things but that’s a Lot to dig in and… lavi makes me weak. 
Tumblr media
Also pour one fam’ that’s litterally a fic update at this point.
I just hope it sort of makes sense wow. 
TAKE CARE AND THANKS FOR THE LAVI FEELS OF THE DAY!
(Jumping on the next one in a minute, it will probably be shorter. hopefully)ligdorm
5 notes · View notes
dragimal · 6 years
Text
thoughts on Voltron s7
this is prolly old hat by now, but I still wanna throw my two cents to the wind. this is gonna get very rambly, and I’m gonna derail A LOT to air out other grievances I have w/ the show/fandom. a rant like this has been a long time coming-- the reception to s7 only pushed me to write this now. so beware, I guess. also I’m not rly tryin to Start Shit, so I’m slottin’ this under the cut
I think I should start at the beginning: I didn’t like Voltron for the first 3 seasons.
it was perfectly passable, but not.... exactly the kinda thrilling saga Tumblr made it out to be. all the hype put me under the impression that VLD was a deeply emotional/character-driven story much like ATLA-- I was sorely disappointed to find this wasn’t the case. instead, I found a typical space-mecha plot populated by pretty tropey characters-- certainly not bad, but not all that emotionally gripping either 
I actually grew p bitter over Voltron’s particular brand of popularity-- mainly the comparisons to ATLA, as if VLD was anywhere as deep and clever. I wasn’t mad that it was popular so much as it seemed popular for the wrong reasons
now I’m not saying that enjoying VLD is “childish” or whatever, I’m just saying that comparing VLD to ATLA is p damn insulting, imo. ATLA has a level of depth in plot, worldbuilding, themes, character arcs/interactions, etc. that’s incredibly impressive-- esp for a kid’s show. u just don’t get that depth from VLD-- and honestly, that’s just fine! I know I’m singing ATLA’s praises to the heavens here, but I’m also kinda sick of Tumblr trying to compare every damn thing to ATLA, as if every piece of media HAS to be another ATLA to be worthy of praise (like the whole “Zuko redemption arc” thing has been taken wayyyyy too far when critiquing villains...)
ATLA and VLD aren’t trying to accomplish the same things, so it’s kinda shitty to place those kinda expectations on the creators of VLD when they’re trying to do their own thing? like, I don’t expect Osomatsu-san-- a very stupid show I deeply adore-- to be the next FMA just b/c both shows have a focus on brotherly bonds; they’re clearly two separate things that I can enjoy for different reasons
anyways, to cut that ramble short, VLD just wasn’t my thing when I first started it. I’m not big on mechas, and I typically prefer pointed storylines over ‘adventure-of-the-week’ setups. not that VLD doesn’t have some underlying plot for the first couple seasons, but it takes a while to get past random villain fights and/or adventures every ep and condense it into a continuous plot thread. some ppl like that kinda thing, I just don’t. the reason I continued to watch it-- despite my misgivings-- is b/c I like watching things with friends. my bf has always liked VLD and wanted me to see it, so I enjoyed watching it with our audience of two
I’m glad this setup forced me to continue watching, or else I would have never reached the turning point-- episode 33 (s3): “The Legend Begins”
this was the point at which my feelings switched from “eh” to “oh... OH. OH SHIT.” I’d finally started to get INVESTED. I finally began to develop real attachments to the characters! I was finally eager to learn what happened next; finally perched at the edge of my seat in anticipation! VLD had finally found its footing and solidified its unique voice, and I couldn’t have been more proud!
yet, what did I hear from the fandom as this narrative transition began?
“the show has gone downhill, and it’s only getting worse!″, "[x] characters aren’t developing anymore” and/or “the showrunners HATE [x] character!”, etc. etc.
though I suppose it’s a bit simplistic to say the fandom as a whole thought this way; in reality, just a vocal subset of the fandom thought-- and continues to think-- this way
yes, patient reader, this is one of those conversations. because we really can’t have a proper fandom discussion anymore w/o getting into those topics, can we? god, if only
so I’ll stop beating around the bush: antis fucking hate the new seasons, mainly because:
1) a lot of antis love Lance for some reason? antis don’t like the fact that Lance isn’t, like, the entire damn focus of the show (calls for “black paladin Lance” galore....), so they don’t like the fact that other main characters play significant roles in the show. this has devolved into unfounded critique of Lance’s character development in the last few seasons, when in reality Lance has gotten SIGNIFICANT development from s4 onward (just like most every other character..). he’s gotten more confidant in his abilities and is less defensive of his character, he’s more cooperative w/ his teammates, and he’s learned to (usually) recognize when a situation requires a serious approach rather than nonchalance. like, as someone who doesn’t much like Lance, I think it says something that my feelings have advanced from, “jesus I can’t stand this guy, can he shut up for one goddamn second,” to, “nice, Lance is mostly bearable and sometimes charming, now.” this point bleeds into the next point--
2) a lot of antis LOVE klance-- or the ship Keith/Lance, for any random readers that don’t know the Voltron fandom. klantis-- as these particular antis have been dubbed-- hate ANY semblance of connection either of these characters have w/ other characters, b/c it threatens klance. Keith and Lance both canonically have strong connections to other specific characters (Keith to Shiro, and Lance to Allura), so these ships are the most threatening to klance
now, all stans/shippers have fans that are a bit too defensive, sure. I’m not saying that sheiths (Shiro/Keith shippers) or any other stans/shippers in VLD aren’t ever at fault. but antis always ALWAYS bring an insidious dimension to fandom wank in the form of-- for lack of a better term-- “social justice posturing”
I’m not claiming that discussions abt representation and sj issues in fandom aren’t important, but antis always take these sensitive issues and simply use them as ammo in what are typically giant ship wars. there’s no nuance, no room for different interpretations-- only black/white divisions of what is “valid”/”canon”/”acceptable”, which are then strategically warped in favor of what the antis of that particular fandom favor (which, in the case of VLD, is Lance/klance)
of course, not ALL VLD antis are specifically out to discredit just one ship, as evidenced by the proliferation anti-shaladins (those against shippers of Shiro w/ ANY of the paladins). BUT this is exactly where anti tactics are utilized in full-force, and where this petty ship war further devolves:
antis fucking HATE Shiro.
Shiro poses the biggest threat to klance (at least in terms of fandom, b/c Allura canonically poses a much bigger threat tbh), thus antis have steadily built a “case” against Shiro not only as a bad partner to Keith, but as a bad character in general. the more “reasonable” antis claim things like, “Shiro’s too mentally ‘broken’ to be with anyone!” “Shiro’s too old to be with anyone, he’s practically a grandpa!” and, “Shiro’s too much of a parental/guardian figure to consider any paladins as potential partners,” while more extreme antis have claimed that Shiro literally IS a pedophile, or straight-up dangerous due to his mental hang-ups
there is clearly a lot wrong here both canon-wise (Shiro has shown 0% confirmable attraction to any character in canon; everyone’s actual ages are vague at best, thus there are no exact age gaps to measure, etc.) and in terms of plain ethics (callin a guy w/ ptsd “too broken” fuckin WHAT). but this is what antis have devolved to-- dismissing Shiro’s mutual connections to his fellow paladins at best, then accusing him of straight-up horrific shit at worst. all in the name of protecting a ship. boy howdy.
(*SIDENOTE* I hypothesize that Allura doesn’t get nearly the same level of hate b/c mlm ships are favored in fandom, thus there are more sheith shippers than allurance (Allura/Lance) shippers to oppose klance. she may also be protected by Tumblr’s over-the-top glamorizing of any and every female character, but that’s a rlyyyy weird discussion that’s hard to quickly/accurately dissect, so I’ll just leave that particular hypothesis to the side..)
anyways, patient reader, let us return this tangent back to the original point: the general criticisms directed at s4 and onward. how do antis relate to this?
well, it’s real fuckin convenient that ppl suddenly started recognizing VLD’s writing/plot/etc. flaws when the show wasn’t catering quite AS much to Lance, or Lance/Keith interactions. real fuckin convenient ppl suddenly started criticizing Shiro as a character when said character’s relationship w/ Keith began to gain more focus and development. real fuckin convenient that ppl are finally recognizing that VLD isn’t as great as ATLA, when the last few seasons have gotten PRETTY DAMN CLOSE to ATLA’s level of emotional depth
so I’m bitter abt Voltron again. but rather than being bitter abt VLD being popular for the wrong reasons, I’m bitter that VLD’s flaws are finally being recognized for the wrong fucking reasons
and this is where it gets real fucking dangerous, b/c antis are dangerously persuasive to the general fandom public
since antis use sj language as ammunition for petty-ass shit, they can easily gain the attention of... god, I hate that I have to unironically use this term, but Tumblr “normies”. I literally have no better, simple term to describe somebody on Tumblr who hasn’t watched VLD (or simply hasn’t engaged in the fandom in a significant way), so please just roll w/ me here, for my own sanity. so Tumblr normies-- as those on Tumblr are prone to-- are vigilant in keeping up w/ sj issues across the board. this is good! it’s good to be aware of and critical of the content we consume..... until it’s. not.
I’m not the first to say that Tumblr has a very warped, very dangerous approach to sj activism. much like full-on antis, there is so much black/white thinking, lack of nuance, swift and unforgiving retribution for even slightly differing opinions, etc etc. it’s why so many ppl on Tumblr even ARE antis, b/c it’s rly just the fandom-offshoot of this mentality
but even beyond the most extreme “activists” of tumblr, anti’s sj language is dangerously appealing to even the chill normies-- nobody WANTS to support dangerous relationships or bad representation, after all! so they latch onto that rhetoric too, b/c when normies see antis' (usually unfounded) criticisms thrown around, they don’t know the show/fandom well enough to be able to verify those criticisms. and like, I get the appeal of it-- I’ve def made similar mistakes w/ unfamiliar fandoms as well, b/c I want to support a cause that seems just. it’s p natural to want to align w/ what we perceive as a just cause, esp when convinced by a persuasive speaker
thus, antis have gained a significant following of normies due to the simple fact that Tumblr normies DO care abt sj issues, but they DON’T care enough to research the show themselves to see what’s what
so, let me quickly recap the stage I’ve set for you here:
1) the fandom in general has given Voltron more credit than is due, and has subsequently placed ridiculous expectations on it. this has given Tumblr normies a false impression of VLD and its standards
2) antis are SUPREMELY protective of klance (and Lance in general), and have thrown around WILD accusations at any ships that threaten it, leading to--
3) antis throwing Shiro under the bus time and fucking time again.
4) by abusing sj language/tactics, antis appeal to Tumblr normies’ sense of duty, thus gain their approval in ganging up on whatever antis deem unjust in VLD-- whether it’s actually valid or not
so fuckin forgive me for being a bit skeptical when I heard rumors of “bury your gays” in Voltron from antis/normies, when these same ppl are actively throwing around accusations of pedophilia in the name of goddamn shipping
but I’ll fully admit, I passed judgement on this criticism a bit too quick, considering I hadn’t even seen the new season yet. it’s never good to blindly accept opinions purely on the basis that they bolster ur own assumptions, and I’m not immune to that charming trap (tho thankfully I’m not typically a vocal member fandom, so I was mostly just nodding along w/ my fellow shieths asdfg)
so finally, dear reader, we reach the actual point of this post: after seeing s7 for myself, what even ARE my opinions on it?
well. the handling of Adam and his relationship to Shiro............... wasn’t great. it was pretty fuckin terrible, actually. despite all I’ve said against antis, I agree w/ their general view that Adam’s relationship w/ Shiro (and his subsequent death) was shoddy, underdeveloped, and disrespectful to some degree. I’m personally not sure it’s worth the title of “bury your gays” for several different reasons, but I wouldn’t fault someone for calling it that, b/c there are definitely several other reasons that reinforce that trope. it’s worth discussing, and definitely worth voicing criticisms towards, esp in terms of Dreamworks’ “lgbt rep” advertising before s7′s release (which was absolutely scummy, there’s just no other word for it)
so if I agree w/ antis’ basal complaints in this instance, then why the hell am I even talking abt this? why am I putting so much effort into dissecting the fandom, only to essentially reach the same conclusion as those I fundamentally disagree with?
well, I suppose it’s all abt the framing.
I’m not gonna link the post b/c, again, I Don’t Wanna Start Shit, but most of y’all have prolly seen that one post that breaks down the history of the “bury your gays” trope, and how it was possibly utilized in VLD. it’s a p good argument in that respect-- I think it hits the main points of how/why Adam and his relationship w/ Shiro was just plain Bad
and to the untrained “normie” eye, that’s all it is. however, there is a cryptic framing present that reinforces anti talking points, which only someone involved in the fandom would recognize. 
(*SIDENOTE* I don’t mean to pick on SPECIFICALLY this post, I just think it’s a nice rundown of a few of the main rhetorical tactics used by antis. it’s certainly not a unique post in the fandom, but merely a good example of this brand of posts)
for one, this post forces an emotional distance between Shiro and the paladins. this post INSISTS that Shiro can ONLY be interpreted as a guardian character that can’t relate to the other paladins in any significant way due to age gaps and traumatic experience. THUS, according to antis, Adam was the only person that Shiro could have intimately discussed his problems w/ b/c they’re the same age and have a history. Adam's death removed this potential confidante, thus leaving Shiro to sort out his issues alone
while I agree that it would have been nice to see Shiro chat w/ a new character he has a history with (esp considering we rly haven’t gotten much backstory on Shiro yet), so much of this argument is simply false
I’ve already mentioned the bullshit that is the vague age gaps, but even if we were to take them into account, there ARE characters who are assumedly at or over Shiro’s age: Coran and Allura. and yeah, Coran is prolly not the best choice in terms of real emotional connection, but Allura? she could prolly fuckin relate. Shiro’s had his body and autonomy violently violated by the Galra, to the point that his original body is now destroyed; Allura has had her culture and people violently violated by the Galra, to the point the her original planet/culture is now destroyed. Shiro is/was a leader to the paladins, and takes their collective failures to heart as his personal failures to his team; Allura is a literal princess to her people, and takes their downfall as a personal reflection of her lack of ability to protect them. their situations obviously shouldn’t be 1:1 conflated, but to say they have no points of relation here is fuckin insulting
but since age gaps like this mean JACK SHIT when it comes simply developing emotional connections and mutual respect, we don’t even need to go so far as to match ages! this is evidenced by actual intimate interactions Shiro has had with the paladins!
the first one that comes to mind even involves antis’ favorite-- Lance! episode 45 (s5): “The White Lion” involved a moment where Shiro approached Lance on his own and opened up abt his mental health, saying he, “didn’t feel like himself.” now it could be argued that this was Shiro’s clone-- not Actual Shiro-- approaching Lance for help. tho I firmly believe that are still true parts of Shiro present in his clone, even if he’s not fully there. the clone is still protective of his team (before his mind is COMPLETELY hijacked, of course), and I believe any connections/loyalty/trust Shiro has towards the paladins is still true for the clone (even if this can, once again, be forcibly overridden). this moment is Shiro-- the part of Actual Shiro that’s present in his clone-- approaching a fellow teammate for help. of course, Lance doesn’t know exactly what to do in this situation, but he at least stays w/ Shiro for support
and then of course there are all the great moments Shiro has w/ Keith that antis want to forget abt. moments where Keith has laid down his health and safety for Shiro, moments where Keith has barred his soul to Shiro, moments where Keith has done everything in his power to reach out to a hurt and struggling Shiro.  moments where Keith has made it ABUNDANTLY fucking clear that he’s here to the bitter end, that he’ll NEVER give up on Shiro. it literally doesn’t fucking matter if u interpret these scenes as platonic or romantic, b/c the fact of the matter is that Shiro and Keith care DEEPLY abt each other in some shape or form. disregarding that is forcibly ignorant. also, we've now confirmed that Keith and Shiro do have a HISTORY back at the Garrison together before all this Voltron nonsense started (even if it isn’t necessarily a romantic history), so Keith also has that leg up
the subtle framing of Shiro as STRICTLY a “guardian” character is also a classic anti tactic, as it implies a sort of pseudo-pedophilic undertone to any Shiro/paladin ships, which is just.... gross and dishonest. yes, he’s canonically a leader to the paladins, and oftentimes takes on a guardian-type role, but once again, he also canonically opens up to other paladins on a mutually respectful/intimate level. there’s nothing in canon that would strictly suggest he’s ONLY a guardian figure-- “space dad” is a fandom interpretation in the same way that framing him as Keith’s lover is a fandom interpretation. neither is more or less 'canon', and it's petty to suggest otherwise
another weird point in that post is the insistence that Shiro is a “tragic gay character”, which is just..... not fucking true, first of all. he’s definitely suffered the most out of any main character, I agree, but he’s GETTING THROUGH IT. he’s been pulled through it by the paladins, and he’s learning to use his own strength to pull through as well. he’s so incredibly fuckin strong and it’s a fuckin shame that ppl don’t see how inspirational he is to those that may be struggling emotionally. plus, he's never suffered BECAUSE he's gay, nor has he ever had a damn HINT of queer-coding until Adam was shoehorned in (which is its own separate problem w/ the show, but it's not a "tragic gay" problem)
but beyond all that is an even more subtle insistence that Shiro has always been a beloved character to ALL in the fandom. antis’ underlying implication that, “hey normies, Shiro-- our beloved Space Dad-- has been given the shit end of the stick, and u should be mad abt it too!” 
as if antis haven’t spent the last several years shitting on Shiro at every turn, saying he’s got “scrambled egg brains” b/c of his ptsd, and other horrific shit. the fact that they can turn around to “defend Shiro’s honor” now that he’s *confirmed queer* (and, initially, confirmed less of a threat to klance due to Adam) and STILL be taken seriously is goddamn terrifying 
like I am literally seeing posts like this-- IN 20FUCKIN18-- that normies are taking at face value and reinforcing:
Tumblr media
to any normies reading this: SHIRO AND KEITH AREN'T FUCKING RELATED!! racist antis insist that they have to be related b/c they're both Asian and the second half of their last names (Shirogane and Kogane, respectively) are similar. I'm literally so baffled over how this tactic is ever taken seriously, but who fuckin knows I guess. and if antis are trying to make a case for adoptive siblings, Keith canonically met Shiro by at LEAST his early/mid teens-- LONGGGG past the developmental age of youth where he might latch onto another person as a strictly non-romanceable relative, so. No. fandom is free to interpret Keith and Shiro’s relationship as brotherly, but to say that that is the STRICT and true 'canon' interpretation of their relationship is, once again, fuckin petty and dishonest
just. how fuckin DARE antis act like they give a SINGLE goddamn shit abt Shiro’s emotional needs and trauma after pullin this shit. how fuckin DARE antis misuse real sj issues to appeal to the lowest common denominator in normies, looking for fodder to fuel the flames of hate
so, if I may be so bold as to utilize one of antis' many battlecrys: this discussion does not exist in a vacuum. Adam's shoehorned relationship w/ Shiro is shitty and worth criticism, absolutely. but brushing aside the fandom history driving the resulting uproar-- as if ship wars aren't HUGELY influencing this backlash-- is SUPREMELY fuckin ignorant
antis latched onto Adam HARD when he was first announced, despite all the signs he'd be a side character at best, that he was stated clearly to be Shiro's ex, and having no context for his personality. Adam was antis' newest shield to their ship-- somebody to take Shiro's romantic potential away from Keith, thus leaving Keith open to Lance. Adam's death eliminated that shield, leaving antis reeling-- they couldn't just jump right back into hating Shiro after having showered his newly-christened gay ass w/ praise for all of the Tumblr normies to see. so, their anger was tactically redirected towards Adam's development
there is nothing shocking abt any of this tbh. all antis is the same, and they're all bitter assholes that are completely willing to abuse real sj issues for their own goals. plain and simple.
I don't rly have a proper ending for this. I'll just say that I like s7 a helluva lot, and Adam’s shitty development doesn’t rly phase me? not everyone feels that way, which is valid, I just don’t particularly give a shit abt Adam. I have hope for s8-- esp in terms of potential development for Shiro. since Shiro got such heavy focus in s6, it makes sense that he was pushed to the sidelines a bit this season to leave room for the other characters (Keith, Lance, Commander Holt + Earth stuff in general, etc.) to develop and shine. I've heard rumors that Adam did in fact have more development that was cut, which I'm honestly willing to believe b/c the development we got felt cut short, rather than simply planned that sparsely in the first place. my hope is that s8 will return some focus to Shiro, and possibly slot in some of these cut scenes to bolster a better backstory to their relationship? pure speculation tho, and it doesn't rly excuse Adam's treatment in s7, but it's worth considering
before I completely end off here, I just want to go on one last FINAL tangent: I'm so damn disappointed that everyone is sleeping on kexa (Keith/Acxa)??? if anything it poses MUCH more canon threat to BOTH klance and sheith purely b/c it's 'safely hetero' and b/c the show itself has hinted at potential feelings there (“She’s always been sweet on that one with the flippity hair,” and “Oh look Acxa, it’s your favorite paladin~”). like I haven't seen antis OR sheiths even mention this, it's baffling. the fact that it'll prolly be canon is bittersweet for me: bitter b/c DAMN I love sheith, and sweet b/c damn.... I'm rly diggin kexa....
so the moral of this post is: blease appreciate Keith's beautiful goth gf, she deserves love
Tumblr media
thank u and goodbye
5 notes · View notes
fyrapartnersearch · 5 years
Text
Apocalyptic survival, Sci-fi, Percy Jackson, Pokemon.
⥽ About Me ; ⥼
• Name/Age ; AJ! So close to 22 I can taste it. One more month…
• Timezone ; CST! I don’t mind time differences, this is just so you know my general schedule.
• Length ;  Truly varies to the point where sticking an average on it is difficult to do. 3-5 minimum I guess? I can go with that as an average if you prefer multi-paragraph style or write novella.
• Reply rate ; Varies depending on whether we’re doing multi-paragraph or novella. I can respond anywhere from every day to every other day or a few times a week to weekly.
• OOC ;  A given! I like getting to know my partners and sharing enthusiasm over our ideas and characters. Nothing hits quite like mutual investment! I’m ditch-friendly but don’t ditch myself, so you can expect communication. I’m not picky if I don’t get the same from you, though. I’ve been around the block enough to know it happens.
• Contact ; Strictly email for OOC and roleplay unless we’re using GDocs for the RP itself, no messengers even for OOC. I’ve tried and I just really dislike it. I’m at [email protected].
  ⥽ On the lookout for ; ⥼
• Doubling ; This is a deal-breaker! I’m looking to write casts, not really one-on-ones right now. Not too big a cast though, I can only write so much without getting burnt out… Doubling with two characters as mains and other side characters OR having a cast of characters we rotate through depending on the point in the story or scene is just *chef kiss* golden.
• Will only write MxM or FxF ; I’ve written roleplays with one MxM couple and one FxF in a storyline, but I’ve had people come to me looking to write two MxM couples or two FxF couples, so that’s perfectly fine too. MxF’s not my cup of tea (I’m hella picky, fellow gays u know how it is) but since we’re going with a cast writing it for side characters is fine.
• 18 + ; I’m turning 22 in December! Partner’s gotta be 18 +. 20 + ideally. Same with characters! Bonus points for characters who are older than 20’s.
  ⥽ Yes! ; ⥼
• Smut ;  I enjoy writing it, but it’s not a deal-breaker if you’d rather fade to black.  All characters will obviously be adults. I expect versatile characters in bed by default, that way we’ve got an even route for playing roles in bed. Admittedly this shifts a bit depending on the character I write.
• Face claims ; Spent a huge chunk of my roleplaying years on tumblr (it was very over-the-top and flowery and weirdly formatted and gross, I know I know), so the format of having a face for characters stuck with me. If you don’t have any of your own and want good resources to find a face, I’ve got some recommended sites I can throw at ya! Had a previous partner who had a character sheet format that I use now that’s simple but looks nice! Nyx if you’re out there don’t come for me for copping your format.
• Depth & growth ; Whether it’s individual or in a group. Found family is where my heart is. Sibling dynamics, “well that’s not technically my dad but he’s basically my dad,” just people stitching themselves with others to feel less alone.
• Plotting & Worldbuilding ; I run into loooads of folks who say they do this when they really don’t. I need specifics to use as a start-off point for the roleplay and a general outline for where the story’s going. RPs that are just random, spur of the moment w/ writing as we go on tend to burn out real quick for me.
  ⥽ No! ; ⥼
•  Anyone who only plays the bottom role in bed ; I’ve been roleplaying for years, lads. I’m spend on being lumped into the role of tops. I’ve had so many bad experiences and just general unenjoyment at being locked into a role that this is a deal-breaker.
• Underage characters ; Total given that there will be NO sexual themes with underage characters, but in general as well! I only write adults.  20 +.
• Single paragraphs ; I’m not too picky with a lot of length a lot of the time, I just don’t mesh well with people who don’t write more than that. Go ham. I like my responses meaty!
• Limits ; Abuse, nonconsensual/sexual assault, pedophilia, incest (includes step-relations, adopted relations, and that figurative like if one character essentially raised another or they were raised as family), toilet kinks, any kind of master/slave or dom/sub dynamic.
  Well, folks! Here I am. Lookin’ for some pretty similar things in term of tone/theme/worldbuilding even if they’re different genres. I’m aiming to write something in the vein of an apocalyptic survival or some type of space drama complete with life-or-death situations! All very vague since I wanna catch as many peoples’ eyes as I possibly can. Every recent RP I’ve done has fizzled out completely, so I’m here making an ad myself.
  Whether it’s a zombie apocalypse (those are ALWAYS a win in my book, so I’m so down for it if that’s your thing, I watched Black Summer on Netflix and the beginning stages of it had me hooked before it died out for me) or a different sort of apocalypse, but I’m not the biggest fan of nuclear apocalypses. I’d loooove to sink my fingers into a sci-fi apocalypse… Like not necessarily aliens though that’s great too, just the setting of the world being pretty much the same but with higher tech on average… it’s just cool to me, I’m easy to please. The more creative the apocalypse the better! I like ‘em unnerving and tense. Apocalypses fueled by something other than zombies would be so fun too, though. I enjoy weird settings. People disappearing? Extinction event? Mutant diseases? Freaky monsters or beasts? Impact winter? Some type of massive bunker quarantine situation where people don’t know they’re being kept inside no matter what and some people worm their way out? Government stuff? Whatever! Any and everything is good.
  But if straight up space-y, sci-fi stuff is your thing, hit me up too! Secluded space stations, team of weirdos, ship hubs, haywire AI, space operas, colonies on a distant planet. I’ve been listening to some sci-fi podcasts (Wolf359 and Marsfall in particular), so I’ve got that sci-fi itch. I truly mean it when I say anything in that vein is what I’m down for. Like both settings and wanna mash up some sci-fi and apocalyptic settings? Dude. I’m right here for you.
  And then for the fandom settings, Percy Jackson and Pokemon. Strictly OCs here. No solid plot ideas, I’ve just been hit with nostalgia for some reason. I’m looking for action, adventure, drama, romance, mystery! Exploring themes not really hit on in the books in Percy Jackson’s case. Life after camp, y’know? It’s a bitch. I’ve got a few ideas to explore based on some RPs I’ve done in the past. As for Pokemon, think more Detective Pikachu than the games or anime… No sound plot either, but the former applies here too: action, adventure, drama, romance, mystery, et cetera!
  Don’t be fooled by me saying so little in this paragraph compared to the purely original settings, I’m equally as into getting down with either of these fandoms, I just have less planned out for an ad! I’d love anyone to come to me for any of that stuff. PJ and Pokemon are my old-school favorites.
  That’s all from me. This is my biggest ad yet. Well, it’s all laid out of you up above! If any of this hits you, email me and we can go from there. Bye for now!
0 notes
izzyspussy · 7 years
Note
ALL 50 QUESTIONS BITCH
HECK
1: Age Group   For fic tbh whatever, I know a lot of people in fandom are underage and are exploring and figuring out what they like, etc. Plus not all my stuff is explicit, and some of the stuff that is still isn’t porn so. As for original stuff that will likely all be explicit as well, so an adult market audience.
2: Genre   Usually fantasy, sometimes science fiction.
3: Big Idea or Detail Oriented Outlining   binch i cant outline for absolute shit. I guess big picture but like…. ?? the biggest possible picture, almost to the point of being useless lmfao. someone help me.
4: Line Editing or Plot Revision   I prefer line editing for fics because I’m lazy and it’s for free, but overhaul type revision results in a better finished product so I use that for original stuff (and commissions).
5: With or Without Deadlines    With deadlines, definitely. I can crank out 1k in an hour if I have a deadline, but without one it can take me 2 years to write just as much (see: Zwangsneurose, started the second I got home from seeing The Winter Soldier, still not finished, word count at ~800 lmfao).
6: The Biggest Compliment   I love it when people mention details that they noticed! Or if god forbid I was funny once.
7: Current WIP Length   I have 12 fic WIPs right now and the longest one is 7.7k. I have 4 original WIPs right now, but they are all in development stages, with no word count yet.
8: Author Comparison Goal   @neil-gaiman 110%. He is my ultimate goals and a huge inspiration, not to mention just a plain cool guy. I also would love to be compared to Rick Riordan or Gillian Flynn.
9: Biggest Struggle   Foreshadowing probably. I sort of wing it as I’m writing, and I can’t do a very good outline like I said, so it’s tough to get good hints and clues as to what’s coming. That’s part of the reason my originals are taking so much development (not just because I have to fill in all the worldbuilding that is already mostly done for fic).
10: Brainstorming With Others or Alone     I like to do a bit of both. I really appreciate input, plus talking things out can really get the creative ball rolling. But I like to get into Deep Shit on my own too, especially with worldbuilding. I’ll always share with others though, even the stuff I wanted to come up with all on my lonesome.
11: Characters Based on Real People     I’m sure there are aspects of people I know, and of myself, in every character I create, and likely even in characters that have already been created. What you know will always leak into your writing. However, I don’t usually base a character fully (or purposefully) around one real person. I do namesakes though, but they’re almost never modeled after that person, it’s just a shoutout to someone I find inspiring in some way.
12: Writing Space Clean or Cluttered     cluttered af binch u been here & seen it smh make me drag myself in front of everyone……
13: Character Driven or Plot Driven     Always character driven!! what kinda question
14: Favorite Writing Related Quote     “Stories may well be lies, but they are good lies that say true things, and which sometimes pay the rent.” - guess who lmao
15: My Characters in Someone Else’s World     I would transport my characters into (brace yourselves for a shock lol jk) American Gods, primarily so that they could get some good old fashioned “help” from the Big Guys.
16: Movie or TV Show     Well two of them have pretty finite endings. The romance legend could be a tv show but with a limited amount of renewal, ala A:TLA (but I’d like it better as a graphic novel). The vampire tragedy has a very finite ending so that would make a better movie. And the witch noir and girl gang are both a bit neverending-WIP-ish so they’d make pretty good shows.
17: Soundtracks     Yes! They help keep me focused and writing in a cohesive tone when I have to leave and come back. Y’all can listen to the playlist I have for witch noir here. Eventually I’ll split it up for character and/or scene mood, and I might add some scene suitable ambient noise tracks too.
18: One Song to Sum It Up    witch noir - Temptress, S.J. Tucker    romance legend - Take Me to Church, Neon Jungle    vampire tragedy - Bodies, Celia Pavey    girl gang - Weapon, Bastille & Angel Haze & FUGZ & Braque
19: Me There or Characters Here     …me there, I guess? In the romance legend, vampire tragedy, and girl gang not anything would really be different, but in the witch noir I’d probably have inherited some sweet powers. Not many of my characters are very friendly tho lmao.
20: Most Wanted Adaptation     Probably (a piece of) the witch noir. It’d be neat to actually see all those neat film noir lighting tricks.
21: Finish     Uh. I finish one shot porn a lot? lmao. Other than that, damn… no.
22: Made Myself Cry     lol yah
23: Proud or Anxious     usually I’m more proud, but sometimes when it’s something that’s very deeply personal or controversial I can get anxious.
24: When Did I Become a Writer     tbh sometimes I think I came out the womb that way. I don’t remember not being a writer, and I know I had legit novel ideas as early as like 3rd grade, and was making shit up with pretty words even earlier.
25: Must Reads in My Genre     three guesses what i’m bout to say y’all. Literally anything by Gaiman. Cornelia Funke’s Inkheart series. Any Pratchett. Donna Gillespe fucked me up with The Light Bearer. Bear Daughter by Judith Berman (although that is kind of a tough read, so I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it for everyone).
26: My Genre Needs More…     Diversity in general, specifically more people of color, queer people, and people with disabilities (that aren’t magically erased). Also in my opinion there needs to be more things in between grimdark and go-lucky fairytale.
27: Inspiration Source     History, anthropology, and pseudoscience.
28: Character Naming Stress from 1-10     Probably about a 2 or a 3. I use behindthename.com which can be searched for meanings, sound patterns, usage, and origin, and has a handy “name themes” search algorithm. I also recently found the legit U.S. census thanks to @peppersandcats helping me out with search terms, and that can be sorted by ethnicity, gender, time period, and geographical location. So I’ve got names pretty well covered!
29: Underwrite or Overwrite First Drafts     It could go either way, but generally speaking unless I have a word limit I usually like to add more during editing. Except when something is confusing or too complicated, then I’ll cut it.
30: Calming or Stressing      Not really either tbh. I enjoy it a lot, but it’s mostly exciting! Not calming or stressful, but either a fun adventure or a challenging puzzle.
31: Favorite Trope     Tough to pick just one tbh. I love tropes when they are done “right”. Even tropes done classically can be great (as long as they’re not -phobic of some sort), but I especially love when they are done satirically or inverted.
32: Backstories for Side Characters     Guilty af. Even characters that might not even make it into the finished book have backstories, personalities, and quirks.
33: Characterize Before Writing or Develop with The Story     A little bit of both. I like to have a solid character to work with at the beginning, but for in-text character development I like to let that unfold with the plot and the other characters.
34: Old Writing in One Word     Prolific
35: Villains or Heroes     I like them both pretty well, but my favorite characters of all time are always a little ambiguous so if I had to pick just one kind that’s what I’d go with.
36: B&W Morality     No way! I live in the gray area.
37: Advice     Have fun! Be proud of yourself for what you come up with and celebrate your creativity even if you think it doesn’t compare with other writers. The happier you are to create, the more creative you’ll get. Also, like with any other kind of art, pick a couple role models to emulate and that will help you develop your own solid style.
38: Advice I Fail At     The first draft doesn’t have to be perfect. I spend too long line editing while I’m writing my first draft and that makes it a lot harder to finish anything.
39: Importance of Positive Reinforcement     I’d say reasonably important. Definitely helpful. But I know I’ll keep writing even without it.
40: Question for Favorite Author     How much difference is there between how his creation is in his head versus how it came out in the words, and does he ever think about rewriting things that are long finished?
41: Distracting to Read While Writing     Actually, no. Reading other comparable works helps keep me motivated, inspired, and focused.
42: Motivated or Discouraged by Critiques     Tbh I don’t think I have ever received a real in-depth critique so I’m not certain? I’ve had idle “I liked this, but I didn’t like/understand that” type of feedback, and that has usually been pretty helpful and appreciated. If nothing else it lets me know what parts of the story might not be as accessible to an audience.
43: Protagonists in My Likeness     Yes, there’s a little of me in very many of my protagonists, and often even in fic characters that I write. But, like with other real people, they’re not usually modeled after me, we just have some stuff in common because I leak over into them (and sometimes they leak over into me) when I’m writing them.
44: Choosing An Idea      This is something I struggle with, really. My process is usually to try writing a bit of it, and if I hate it it’s probably not viable.
45: Harder or Easier While Stressed      It’s usually a harder to write when I’m stressed, and what I do manage to write doesn’t have as much quality.
46: Sort Protagonists      !!! There are too many!! these are just the Big Ones (so far) in witch noir      Gryffindor - toots, eddie, maddie, anca, seth      Hufflepuff - lily, charisma, s.j., angel, iris      Ravenclaw - fred, ariel, dido, father piero      Slytherin - evelyn, jessica, sloan, clara-claudia, aixa
47: Five Year Goal     Hopefully I will have fucking finished something. Maybe published? Or maybe getting my manuscript looked at. (I have a humble-ish time frame, I think. Writing is a lot of work, and five years is a lot less time than it sounds like.)
48: Co-Writing     I’m a huge control freak, so probably not. At least not with original characters. Maybe for fic tho, because that can be much lower stakes lmao.
49: Fast or Slow     When I’m in The Zone I speed thru, but it can take me a while to get started and I come up on blocks pretty often so I’m a slow finisher.
50: Worldbuilding or Characters     Shit man, that’s a tough choice. I guess characters? I don’t know.
8 notes · View notes
lizziebennet · 8 years
Note
Order of favorite to least favorite Harry Potter movies and why? :)
i love getting questions like this!!! 
1. HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN 
this movie is the Official™ best harry potter movie. director alfonso cuaron (who would later go on to win a best director oscar for gravity) completely elevated the series from chris columbus’ movies that were obviously aimed towards children. cuaron took the source material seriously and gave us a well-crafted, well-directed, and pretty faithful harry potter movie. PoA isnt my fave book – not even close to my fave actually but this is both the best movie cinematically and the adaptation that is most enjoyable to watch over and over and over again. there are some sticky moments tho: dan’s acting in the infamous “HE WAS THEIR FRIEND!!!!” scene, the opening scene not making any sense .. at all…,  the character of dumbledore just… in general, the introduction of ron as a vehicle solely for comic relief, and the dropping of wizarding robes at hogwarts. listen, i can complain ab small things from every hp movie for HOURS but overall this movie is just FANTASTIC!! the score!!!!!!!!!! the only movie where they got harrys hair right!!!!! and definetly has the best ending of any harry potter movie. if u wanna know more ab why this movie is awesome check out this video essay which goes in depth about cuaron’s directoral style in this movie.
2. HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE
i feel like this is such an underrated hp movie tbh. goblet of fire is such an important book because it sets up the conflict for the rest of the series w voldemort’s return. and thats the main reason this movie gets my #2 spot tbh: the graveyard scene at the end of the movie. this movie isn’t perfect always, but the graveyard scene is a pivotal moment in the series and imo they hit it out of the park in this movie. they didn’t edit the scene to shorten it for time – they have harry and voldemorts first interaction be as tense and lengthy as it is in the books. the scene where voldemort comes out of the cauldron and rubs his head… it gives me chills every time. i think the dark parts of this movie is where it really shines – the opening with frank for example. it makes me SO happy that they opened the movie the same way they do in the book. they do a pretty good job w the character of moody and with showing harrys feelings of isolation and general angst. and yes, everyone has shitty hair in this movie but what can u do. i also take offense w the treatment of fleur in this movie… in fact whose idea was it to make beauxbatons an all female school? and durmstrang all male?? because that was a fucking dumb idea noah fence. another thing that i hate about this movie is the “conversation” between dumbledore and harry at the end of the movie – if you can even call it that. the talk they have in his office in the books is integral to the plot going forward and it is so shitty that they just had like a .2 second scene instead. actually, dumbledore is just horrible throughout this whole movie. another infamous moment w the “DIDYA PUT UR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE!?!??!?!” i remember that michael gambon (dumbledore) just refused to read the books ever and they completely missed the mark on dumbledore. i actually know of a lot of hp fans who hate this movie but i
3. HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE
i know this is a lot of people’s fave or second fave harry potter movie, but i just couldnt give it that #2 spot. its tough because hbp is my 2nd favorite book behind ootp and it means so much to me and there are just some things the movie royally fucks up that i cannot give it so much praise even though, overall it is a good movie. simply put: if i hadn’t read the books this might be my #1 or #2 movie. but alas i have so i get to judge it harshly. lets start out with what the movie does well: this movie does a gREAT job of being a coming-of-age film. we really get a sense of the characters growing up and being teens in this movie and its great and hilarious at some points. this movie also does the best job with the harry/dumbledore relationship. michael gambon stretches himself to be closer to the soft and omniscient dumbledore from the books. he doesnt exactly get there for me but its closer than in any other film with him. they do a good job with the pensive stuff and the introduction of horcruxes, and with the climax of dumledore’s death. the reemergence of quidditch is lovely. HOWEVER, this biggest most irksome thing that i just cannot get over in this movie is the fucking MESS that is harry and ginnys relationship. one of my absolute favorite parts of the book is their relationship – the way harry pines for her and the way they get together (”several sunlit days”!) and they just completely throw all of that in the trash along with ginny’s character. i also dont love how hermione is portrayed in this movie. the way they did her and ron’s relationship is just… not great. in the books its so obvious that they belong together but in the movies its like theyre both just stupid. this movie does a fantastic job of balancing comedy – giving us some of the funniest scenes in an y harry potter movie – with the darkness and threat of voldemort. the way the did the whole sequence in the cave is great. the scene where the death eaters attack the burrow is stupid and unnecessary however. and while i think they do a great job like telling the story in this movie, they dont really go deeper into harrys psyche which is one of my favorite parts of the book – harry realizing and accepting his role as the savior of the wizarding world. the prophecy is kind of ignored in the movies which is … lame but we also miss out of some of my favorite book moments: harry understanding why his parents died and vowing to fight voldemort w his last breath, harry flipping out when he learns that snape is the one who overheard the prophecy, harry fighting scrimgeour. overall, this is a fun movie to watch and it isn’t half bad, but it couldve been so much more in my opinion. 
4. HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER’S STONE
the original!!!!!!!!!! i rewatched this recently and this is ?? such a solid movie?? most of the credit for this being a good movie goes to jkr for writing a great book, but still they coudlve easily fucked up this movie and then there wouldn’t be a franchise!!!!! so i have to give it a lot of credit. it does a wonderful job of introducing us to the wizarding world, giving us our main characters, and giving us hOGWARTS. the pacing of the movie is great, the kids are soo soosososo cute in it i cant even stand it!!!!! the comedic beats hit, the emotional beats hit. the one beef i have with this movie is that they cast like 40 yr olds to be james and lily in the mirror of erised and they are not!!!!! that old !!!!!!! also they do a great job w effects considering when it was made. watching this movie is like being held by a warm blanket of childhood memories and i love it so much. 
5. HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2 
im sure some of you are surprised to see this movie so far down on my list but guess what this movie fucking infuriates me!!!!! let me just start by saying that the majority of this film is actually really good. but the small percentage of the movie that isnt good RUINS THE WHOLE THING FOR ME!!!!!! ill start with the good tho: the gringots sequences. badass. the cinematography in this movie is just like 5x better than most of the series so well done them. snape’s memories sequence is just like really fucking good okay ill give them that like the moment harry looks up after emerging from the pensive knowing he has to die GIVES ME CHILLS. voldemort killing harry in the forest. this is well shot and executed scene. harry being dead and talking w dumbledore is good too one of the only times michael gambon like acts so. the courtyard apocalypse scene. hermione’s “ill go with you”. while i object to this scene being in the movie that line is [gets choked up and cant continue]. like i said the majority of the movie is good, great even. BUT THEY FUCK UP SOME OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PARTS OF THE ENTIRE SERIES!!!!!!!!!! lets start slow: ariana dumbledore. bet u forgot she was in this movie. dont worry the writers did too. why did they make harry some kind of horcrux gps???? no???? WHY DOES HOGWARTS RANDOMLY HAVE A BOATHOUSE THAT WE’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE?? AND WHY DID SNAPE DIE THERE?? ron and hermiones kiss in the chamber of secrets was stupid and doesnt compare to the moment in the books. dont even get me stARTED on harry and ginny. THEM NOT MENTIONING THAT REMUS AND TONKS ARE MARRIED/HAVE A KID UNTIL LUPIN IS DEAD RIP. those things bother me but nothing compares to the fucking mess that is everything after harry comes back to life. good god its the fucking most important act in the entire series… and it is a complete disaster in my opinion. just so many?? horrible?? decisions?? starting with voldemorts speech after harry is “dead”.. why did he hug draco. why. also i dont get nevilles speech at all that was stupid. the reveal that harry was alive is stupid. the fact that they dont kill the snake and have it be like this ooo will they kill the snake in time thing is STUPID. voldemort wrapping harry up in his robes?????? why???? voldemort and harry jumping off a building together???? WHY???? voldemort and harry melding faces????? WHY?????!?!?!?!?!??!?! it just doesnt make any sort of logical sense and its not so exciting to watch. why wouldnt voldemort just KILL HARRY ANY OF THOSE TIMES??? iT DOESNT MAKE SENSE?? i fukcinNNGNNG hate it im sorry. and the final like showdown between them is just not as good as it is in the books??? like them circling each other in the great hall with everyone watching as dawn breaks >> them crawling through rubble outside on a bridge. also it REALLY FUCKING IRKS ME THAT VOLDEMORT LIKE DISINTEGRATES INTO PAPER WHEN HE DIES LIKE. that completely undoes a lot of what the books are saying and like lessens the impact of his death imo. the whole point is that he was trying to be like this immortal god but in the end he died just like everyone else he was HUMAN. they also do that w bellatrix like when molly kills her she like ?? explodes?? it just lessens their deaths i think. and the lack of closure with the elder wand like harry just fucking throwing it into the distance is DUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugg ugg ugg. i know my expectations were high and i know its a tough task to finish the series buT they really let me down with the FUCKING CLIMAX OF THE SERIES. like guys it was epic enough in the books u dont need to add this nonsense!!! jfc!!!!
6. HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 1   
noah fence this movie is just really unenjoyable to watch. its a tough movie to make bc its like 95% just setting up for what happens in part two, but i think they def couldve done a wayyy better job in some areas. one of the great things ab deathly hallows the book is harrys psyche and how angry he is with dumbledore, how he is trying to figure out these clues, his desperation, his fascination with the hallows etc. they really underplayed harrys anger with dumbledore imo giving it just one or two scenes and a handful of moments when i think it couldve been such an interesting emotional core of the movie. they do a good job showing the war and having it be like war movie and being isolated. but they struggle with pace in this one a LOT. however two sequences really stand out to me as Good: 1. bathilda bagshot’s house. in the theater the snake was TERRIFYING waiting for it to jump out that was a good action sequence. 2. the tale of the three brothers. beautiful animation. the ron/hermione conflict with couldve been another emotional center of the movie is glossed over in my opinion (maybe this has something to do w the fact that emma watson can not act like she is enraged???). overall meh tho. i dont go to rewatch this one very often. 
7. HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS
this movie is………….. not great. again it relies totally and completely on jkrs work for any of the good parts of this movie and considering that this may be my least favorite book well…. the camera work in this movie is just bad honestly like they just plop the camera in one spot and film the scene???? gilderoy lockhart is HILARIOUS in this movie however a real gem. there are some good sequences and i love this movie but there are also lots and lots of cringey moments. 
8. HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX 
i debated whether i hate this movie or CoS more but ultimately decided on this one because this movie makes me so angry and CoS is just like moderately not great. [deep breath] ok guys heres the thing: OOTP is my favorite harry potter book. and this movie takes exactly zero (0) of my favorite things about the book and does them in the film. the tone of this movie is angst and suffering but not even in a good way. i love LOVE the angst in the book because it is justified it is raw it is harry working through his feelings and being attacked from every side. the movie just communicates…. sad. theyre just like “oh lets uh have this be blue toned… nice.” they do not go deeper than the plot of OOTP, just the events that happen. they dont get into the story, the message, the POINT OF THE BOOK!!!!!!!!! were they afraid to have people yell in this movie??? like ??? they have mrs figg be soft spoken and just like murmur to harry and uncle vernon and aunt petunia dont really go in at harry like its all very tame?? and then THEY MISS OUT ON HARRY DRAGGING RON AND HERMIONE SO HARD WHEN HE GETS TO THE BURROW!!!!! an iconique scene that instead harry just like says some stuff passive aggressively and then fred and george come and are like “we thought we heard u yelling harry” like how??? he was just speaking at a normal voice??? the movie skips out on the fascinating moments with the order at grimmold place and with ginny and the weasleys to instead give us sirius naked in some weird room at the train station and harry dreaming about voldemort in a suit??? why????????? generally they do a good job with the umbridge stuff but again fail to communicate the deeper meaning of what the fuck is happening like the mINISTRY OF MAGIC IS DENYING THIS!! and what does that do to harry?? and his angst?? some of the stuff with the DA is good but some of it is… not. this movie really fails when they try to incorporate comic relief. it doesnt land great and it just makes me think about how much time we are wasting on this when we could be doing other things. FOR EXAMPLE GRAWP????? GRAWP.  i hate the dumbledore stuff in this movie. like. their relationship isnt set up enough in the previous movies to understand how hurt harry is by dumbledore. instead we get like half-assed scenes like when harry just like calls “sir” to dumbledore but he walks away fast like. really?? THE WAY THEY DID SNAPES’ WORST MEMORY [SCREAMS FOR 1200 YEARS]. LAZY! AS! SHIT! GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD WHAT A NIGHTMARE WHAT A TOTAL DISASTER MY GOODDDddddddd AND THEN ITS LIKE NEVER EVEN ADDRESSED AGAIN???? JESUS CHRIST I SWEAR TO GOD THIS MOVIE IS A MESS. the break into the ministry is okay… its starts the david yates trend of like not saying spells while ur dueling and just having like bright lights come from ur wand which i HATE and also the stupid trend of death eaters apparating with black smoke which i HATE. i have mixed feelings about “nice one james.” sirius’s death is GOOD like the way they have it silent with harry like screaming i like that they did a good job a+. however dumledore and voldemorts fight is……….. strange and just not as good as in the books. also when voldemort possesses harry and harry like has a chat w him?? DUMB. and that leads me to the greatest sin of all…… the reason this movie gets the last ranking… THE LACK OF HARRY AND DUMBLEDORE’S TALK AFTER SIRIUS’S DEATH. my absolute favorite moment in the books. unparalleled. some of the best writing i have ever seen in my life. JUST COMPLETELY GONE. IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY MENTION LIKE THE PROPHECY IN THE MOST FUCKING LAZY WAY EVER IN LIKE HALF OF A SCENE THAT LASTS 1 MINUTE. AND JUST SHOW SOME LAME ASS NEWSPAPER MONTAGE WHICH IS SOOOOOO LAZYYY OH MY GOOOOOODDDDDDDDD. we get NO emotional resolution for harry and dumbledore. we get NO resolution for harry and sirius. its like these events that happen have ZERO consequences. THE PROPHECY!!!! THAT IS THE CENTRAL PART OF THE STORY MY GOD!!! harry finds out he is THE CHOSEN ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST CUT OUT OF THE STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT NO WE NEED A SCENE WHERE FILCH GETS BOILS!!!!!!!!! like harry after sirius’s death is so critical like him asking nick if sirius can come back…. harry smashing the mirror… you get none of that emotional depth, that grieving. the ending of the movie is also stupid. also why tf is harry wearing a BLAZER????? god i hate this movie. 
i swear i did not mean for this to get so long but once i start talking about harry potter i CANNOT shut up im so sorry and thanks for asking babe
32 notes · View notes
rennyji · 3 years
Text
family, friends, enemies, the be natural thing, normal tweets
Its June already...another month in "the situation"...June 1st tweets...
You know, with the exception of one or two cousins, most of my family, maybe because of “the situation”?! Is more loyal (for lack of a better word) to my parents, than me. Such is my revelation over the last 11 years. One cousin I lived close to, in India for a while, -
-he’s around my age, and should be a brother I can tell secrets to, or “hooks me up.”Otherwise, he’s a very sincere/caring individual who is a real asset to our family. “Hook up” as in connect me -
- with my kind of women from his multicultural work establishment at TechnoPark or take me to a “todi shop” , where you get special kind of alcohol and spiced beef in this part of India, so that I can get different taste of life, make a memory, and have life experience. -
-He’s attending to my parents desire of keeping me as an individual who prays all day who needs to talk to someone, when that’s one side or nonexistent side to a guy who’s image is facing life’s obstacles in a leather jacket. -
-At this age and in my freakin’ 20’s, he chooses to be like a parent or uncle worried about what my parents think, or doing what my parents want for me, instead of thinking of what I as an individual need. All instead of being a brother or friend, understanding of me. -
-I think he’d try to talk to me or ask me questions to get information for my parents and this undignified “thing” of a situation-very brotherly.-
-On a different note, I mean, he spends a lot of time knowing his kids, but my parents, no offense to them, don’t listen to me when I speak because they’re in a rush to speak or defend, and they don’t know my likes/interests/hobbies.-
-Until recently, my mother didn’t know my favorite color. She’s stubborn to the point where she won’t try to learn either. They may have recently found out about such things like likes/interests/hobbies through the eavesdropping/stalking situation. -
-I mean, for the sake of a point, while in my very early 30s, it’s only now that I even shared with my mom, and not my dad, that I had two girl friends while in college. Some things like that, you cannot share with Indian parents until things get serious -
-and you want to move to the next chapter/adventure. I love my mom and dad, and would die for them and care for them in old age, but they don’t know much about me. My memories of my mom, for instance, are of her cooking, cleaning, buying me clothes,-
-taking me to doctor appointments when sick, and used to paying tuition, and a lot of yelling - ACTUAL BIG THINGS but nothing that requires a heart, it’s a parents duty. I tried telling her that, but no patience. She’s too busy taking it as an insult. -
-When Ive had any kind of problem in life outside of getting me a tutor for school or whatever when struggling, I’ve been on my own. Never helped me with a problem. It’s culturally not allowed to talk to her about problems with a girl friend, fears you may be struggling with,-
-or the cherry on top: talking about “this situation” and its origins. It’s a hard sad d**che bag thing to say, but if I manage to get my own maid, there wouldn’t be much to reminisce over my mom. -
-My dad is too busy philosophizing about family ideals &preaching. I mean he couldn’t dream of making the religious points I do, or no offense, pray “heart fueled” prayers in the mind over “out-loud” mechanical singing/praying out of thinking that makes him a solid human being. -
-Both my parents need to listen more and talk less. When I share something I like or about myself with my mom, she’ll be like, why are you telling me or will hammer @ something while I’m talking, literally. I mean I tried correcting things with my mom by talking to her about it,-
-but you never get through, although forgivable on both sides as and when needed. On a side note, quality of life in India is understood as how religious you are and your spending power. Me using saved potential rent money on fitness equipment-
-and massage guns makes it seem like I have nothing to complain about. It adds to my family being unable to admit to problems, when I mention things to do with a life of meaning. Stuff like that gives life experience and teaches you what you want. -
-In my girl friend/wife, I need a woman who’s patient, listens, comprehends, and so forth...but back to the point about the cousin...-
-I mean, after a certain age, you want friends in ur family. In India, amongst my family, if a relative does a favor like sit with you for a day in mostly silence, at someone else’s suggestion, that means ur best friends.-
-All these random formalities and awkwardness arises with genuinely good, sincere people. My best friends are people who “do stuff with me or for me” and that I can “confide in.” But I guess that’s where you gotta go out and meet people. -
-Family can’t always be as you desire or expect, as life is complicated in its own respective way for everyone, be it through difficult personalities or cultural formalities. People need to find their kinda people to be friends and family. I’ve heard:
-“Friends are the brothers and sisters God forgot to give us.”
what else, what else....
I don’t understand how the orchestrators overpower or left me under my parents. For that, do they meet all the criteria for their entertainment? Did anyone do psychological background checks on everyone involved for something as massive as this? -
-This could take a toll on my parents when they have to betray their son. This could take a toll on the orchestrators after 11 years of failure and lies. I mean parents’ culture restricts them from letting me live the normal American life required of the “show.”-
-For them, it’s religion all day/everyday(Christian that is). While they’ve been in the country for 11  years & dealt with non Indian people, do they understand things or see things the way I have the potential of doing? Did they understand the depth & severity of this project?-
-&like a lot of minority parents, or parents from elsewhere,or who haven’t been in America's love dovy way of handling things for generations, despite myParent’s undeniable love4me &willingness 2give me everything b4 this, theyd beat me as a child if I misbehaved/got a badGrade.-
-There were instances where my dad, who I don’t see any less &just doing his job cuz of what Im used to, beat me w/a hanger till my legs turn red. But when American entertainment officials come along yrs later, does this kind of history check out w/ ur possible background check?-
-Did the orchestrators do their homework at all? Its amidst this kind of setting, that Ill punch a wall once or throw things twice in 11 years after days of provocation. In our normal lives, do the orchestrators think any of this matters or at least 2 us, as people, as a family?-
-For taking eleven years of my life, when I was at my prime, when friends have mine have become lawyers with beautiful couples and children, if I can take that kind of beating and what you did to me through these years along-
-with personal hardships and growth, wait till you see what I do to you, one by mine. Riches and glamour can’t replace 11 years of torment. -
-Life is great, but between the orchestrators and me, it’s kind of like Jefferson Pierce in final few episodes of Black Lightning against Tobias Whale for killing his father and tormenting his family. Jefferson has a life with super powers. But when he loses them, -
-he faces Tobias in a showdown, where he accepts the possibility of death. I am willing to lose everything and end up on the street to see the orchestrators rot in jail for persisting, carelessly, in what is, my life.-
-The orchestrators messed up my youth, my family, my chance at a 4.0 GPA education, the resulting career opportunities, my health, social opportunities, putting me through the indignity of having my world basically on team on speaking terms against me who they never talk to...-
- all for an America that I once compared to heaven because of its potential for altruism and representation from all over. Do the orchestrators realize what they set up today I had already without them years ago? Way to steal my life on "multiple levels."-
-Enjoy the rest of our time together, orchestrators. U, the orchestrators, cowards, hide behind high end tech &possible authority figures or government contracts, but when we’re face 2face, provoke me in person, I dare you, as urself, &me as me, not you doing ur weird mind cr*p.-
-Let’s see if the orchestrators have the b*lls, before one of us undeniably is guaranteed to go down, whoever it is.
moving on ... what else ...
I’m honestly talking about my family and the situation, because after 11 years, through observations and the situation not ending, I’m convinced no one is actually being honest about me.  (I used the word “observations” in the last sentence.-
-Problem with using that word is that the orchestrators will forge the next setting with things for me to pick up on cuz they’re psychotic and refuse to restore the natural setting and normalcy of my life-natural setting is what I’ve been after for 11 years...)-
-I mean what comes to mind in seeing me without any of this in ur head, while not denying/hiding/ what’s happened to me over these 11+ years?! - THATS THE NATURAL SETTING. ONE directive, ONE instruction...and if taking care of what I’m after was ur goal, this is it, ur done. -
-Doesn’t require resources or effort on anyone’s part. It’s just people being themselves- natural.-mentioned/repeated multiple times in old complaints.) 
so now some normal tweets before I get on with my day...
So apparently, a massage gun isn’t a substitute for foam rolling or stretching...
“Tea tree hair and body moisturizer” leave in conditioner is, I think, the greatest hair gel ever. When my hair was thick and long, I used to use tea tree styling wax, topped off with Sebastian potion 9 leave in conditioner...but I really love the tea tree moisturizer...-
-the tea tree moisturizer...you can use it on ur hair and skin...wish this stuff existed ages ago...
The kiehls blue eagle shave cream provides a smoother shave 4“me” than their lotion...they have another version that I just want to try: the white eagle version-$7 more...I put “me” in quotes, cuz it might work for others...i think different men have different kinds of stubble.-
-There’s this one guy working at a coffee shop I go to, who’s got to be having the smoothest cleanest shave. You see no stubble. But I mean the concept of shave lotions are nice cuz you can just wipe off when done. -
With Shave creams over shave lotions, you gotta wash off, and washing ur face and neck in the sink just gets water everywhere.
“Yogibo Support” is good for reading or looking at your phone on your bed. Google it.
I’ve talked about Punjabis and “ pagdiwalas, “ but that being said, if there are any Guju’s like Ameesha Patel, hit me up.
Best combination of an idea: get the DoorDash dash pass free trial for a month and if you have around a $150 rewards from ur credit card, transfer it to DoorDash gift card. It’ll get you 2 weeks of outside food or restaurant food for breakfast, lunch, dinner. -
-Credit card rewards! Take advantage. Nice to use card with benefits-quite an incentive over cash. That’s how I’ve been ordering food, if that too is part of the “entertainment”, not cuz I’m loaded. Just a regular guy under 11 years of hype. -
-Be natural. React in what comes to mind on seeing me, minus pre-exisitng cr*p in ur head, without hiding/denying the existence of that cr*p.
0 notes