#it has a kickass metal intro

[lazycranberrydoodles]

boss lady doodle that i started during cringetober but didnt finish (i rewatched way of the househusband yet again.) nya

[otterlywyrdfirbolg]

You should try the game DUSK. Recently released for PS4 and Switch (always better on PC though). The HD mod/update is officially being released Dec. 11 2023. Plus it has a Quake-style multiplayer mode called DUSKWORLD which almost nobody plays and has a near-vertical learning curve.

If you don't like the run-and-gun gameplay (with multiple difficulty settings ranging from "I'm Literally Immortal" to "One-Shotted by a Low-Poly Rat") and Average Day In Pennsylvania aesthetic, you'll at least love the kickass metal soundtrack by Andrew Hulshult.

My favorite song is Keepers of the Gate.

#NotSponsored #NewBlood #WeHateMoney #NoticeMeOshrySenpai

watch?v=tsu9uDMlIMM watch?v=LbqNRDPd5_k

Love the original trailer's intro.

WELCOME TO DUSK THINGS HAVE GONE WRONG VERY WRONG BETTER KILL EVERYTHING

I don't play a lot of games as of late because of school and no money but I will put these on my list for the winter break. Thanks for the recommendation. 😊

[giantroboticplatypusbutt218]

I finished watching Loonatics Unleashed and I have Some Thoughts. I guess this is like a part 2 to the other post I made about the show so yeah.

I swear I don’t intend for everything I write to be an essay but whatever. It’s all under the cut. No massive story spoilers, but I will talk about episodes and will warn accordingly. (But who actually cares about being spoiled on the plot of Loonatics Unleashed?)

Alright so I finally figured out why Ace has laser vision. ...It’s kinda dumb but it’s because rabbits eat carrots(in cartoons). It’s... a reason at least. Still kinda sucks that it’s his only power when everyone else got 2 and some change. Kickass swords don’t count, even if they are magic. Seriously; Transformation. Duplication. Imitation. Tons of other “ation”s. They could’ve leaned into his trickster side but no. He eats carrots... so he got laser vision. Also he only ate carrots like three times in the show so wtf...

Okay so the pacing... improved somewhat in season 2. Don’t get me wrong there were still problems in some episodes but at least they learned how to build the stakes until the climax. They still sometimes went from zero to eighty after the opening credits, but at least it wasn’t zero to a hundred. Much less whiplash was had is what I’m saying. 

I don’t think I really mentioned the villains before but they’re uh... generally not very good. They’ve got cool gimmicks but most of the time they’re just two stereotypes and a cliche in a trench coat. Season 2 brought back classic anthro characters to be villains a few times, and while they still weren’t well written and just referenced old bits half the time... at least they weren’t dehumanized humans. 

I also don’t think I mentioned the animation so... it’s fine. It’s got cut corners but all cartoons do. Sometimes fight scenes look cool, sometimes they’re stiff. Sometimes the slapstick is well timed, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes the facial expressions match the voice acting, sometimes they don’t. Speaking of voice acting, it’s good. There’s not really anything stand out to perform in the first place but everyone does a good job with what they have. 

Okay random note before getting deeper into things... the intro themes were... not good. I swear the first song ended on a note that it wasn’t supposed to. The second song fixed that but added people announcing the characters which... is just worse to me. Not much else to say because I skipped them after the first few times. 

(Very mild spoilers for the general plots of episodes past this point.)

Ace and Lexi improved a little in the second season, but I still find them kinda bland. Ace still just feels like zero calorie Bugs Bunny. His wit is confined to being the leader, snarky comebacks, and some decent sleuthing skills... and that’s really it. He doesn’t really play around with the villains the way Bugs would. Ace was also supposed to have an arc learning to use his magic sword which... didn’t really happen. Lexi’s defining trait outside of her powers is still that she’s “the girl” which... sucks... Uh... she upgraded to Gamer Girl in the second season which while neat, amounted to nothing outside that one episode. At the very least she was never kidnapped for more than 5 seconds?(That “honor” goes to Zadavia) They also never really brought up their backstories in a meaningful way again, which sucks. 

I still like the rest of the team. Slam got an episode about wrestling that built on his backstory and was fun to watch. Duck discovered that his egg powers work differently in water which was neat and matched him being a waterfowl.(Lexi’s powers work differently in water too but it’s never brought up again). Rev is still Rev and I still love him. He got an episode about his family and struggle to impress them(specifically his parents) despite his career choice which was also neat, but I will be coming back to this episode later. Tech is also still Tech and I also still love him. But uh, every character and also me wanted to see him get out of the lab more, and then he got like a nibble of an episode to get out of the lab, and then the show was over. Oof.

Speaking of Tech, it might be for the best he hardly ever left the lab because his powers are... possibly way too effective against all the robots and machines the team fights. Now, him being “overpowered” could’ve been used as a fun writing challenge. Robot goons aren’t a good option for villains anymore. Fighting against him in a city filled with metal is harder. Villains can’t rely on simply killing him thanks to his regeneration. Fight scenes including Tech would have to be handled in a fun and interesting way. But... no. In a team with two tech guys, the one with super speed and flight comes with while the one who can control metal and literally can’t die stays behind. Oh well. Doubt they could’ve added him into more fights without accidentally dumbing him down anyway. 

Oh crap I forgot to talk about Zadavia! Uh... she exists. She’s the team’s boss who sends them out on missions. Uh... I can’t talk too much about her without spoiling what little overarching plot this show has, but just know that she’s neat, but affected by the usual sexism going on in the show’s writing.

(Character and episode spoilers past this point.)

You know, for being The Loonatics the main cast wasn’t very loony. You know who were though? Basically all the villains. Yeah I don’t wanna go there but oops here I go anyway. It’s pretty messed up that all the main characters’ zany traits were dialed down, while the defining feature of practically every villain (besides their stereotypes)is that they’re insane. I mean, if you’re looking for good mental illness rep in The Looney Tunes you’re gonna be disappointed, but at least in the shorts almost every character was a little unhinged and a bit of an asshole, making none of them stand out for those traits specifically. 

Also messed up is that a lot of the villains are disfigured and made fun of for it by the main cast. Hot take of the century, but I think making fun of people for having a big head or only one eye is... bad. Oh and if they’re a woman then they’re also judged on how hot they are. Actually all women in the show are subjected to sexist writing. I remember like one episode where women were treated with a sliver of respect for a split second and that was in the obligatory “the cast comes across an island of amazon women” episode. However since most of the time was spent painting them as villains until the “actually sexism is bad” ending, there was hardly a moment of reprieve from the bullshit if a woman was on screen. 

I’m not the best person to speak on this but uh... it’s fucked up that since literally every notable human is a villain, all the people of color are bad guys, right? Like, obviously it’s not as bad as some of the shit the old shorts pulled, but that’s like saying getting punched is not as bad as getting stabbed. It’s true... but I’m sure most people would prefer neither. 

And here’s where I bring up that Rev episode I mentioned earlier. Rev’s parents are racist against coyotes (cartoons sure love to make carnivores allegories for black people don’t they?) and obviously with Tech E. Coyote being his close friend, that causes trouble. ...Right? Uh, no. They say some racist crap to Tech, and that’s it. There is not even an attempt to correct their behavior from anyone. It’s just treated as some unfortunate quirk. In fact the episode’s conflict actually revolves around Rev’s brother, Rip. Honestly, I doubt that they could’ve handled a decent “racism is bad” episode anyway. But they could’ve also... just not brought up racism if they couldn’t handle it? I’m sure having no racism topic at all would be better than having Tech just take the parents’ racist bull crap lying down and then help Rev impress them with an invention he doesn’t get credit for. Also at one point Rev says if Tech wasn’t a coyote and a guy he’d kiss him, which has two uncomfortable implications, but this section is already too long. 

(Spoilers end here.)

Overall... yeah the show’s not very good. Of course it wasn’t. It was always going to be a little garbage. And no not because of the darker style or strange setting or any of that superficial crap. Team dynamic shows are popular and with Teen Titans doing so well WB probably thought they might as well shove out a 2 season Looney Tunes version to grab a little more cash, probably minimizing the budget to squeeze out as much profit as possible. If anyone working on the show was passionate about it, I doubt they had the budget or time to act on most their ideas. 

Still, there were things to like. There are some funny jokes throughout the show, a few of which even managed to come out of Ace’s mouth. Danger Duck was literally just Daffy and he’s always great. Ironically, Rev and Tech were the most fun to listen to, and also to watch interacting in general. Slam didn’t do much but was a sweetheart who deserves success. There managed to be some decently twisty twist villains, if only because Disney ruined my brain with their ceaseless and lazy attempts at them, and I wasn’t looking out for them in this show. And, while almost nothing was properly developed, at least the concepts and characters are fun to think about?

I can’t say I’d recommend this show to everybody, but uh... if you’re a Furry with low standards and too much free time like me, maybe you’ll like it? Just go in with low expectations so when nice things happen you’re decently surprised. 

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

“i had a dream about the Borderlands are Yours trailer last night for like the 7th time so i guess i ought to do the analysis before i have a breakdown”

find the trailer here

~discussion of the cloth map spoilers occurs in here, but nothing else. if you’re worried about those spoilers do not read~

non-spoiler tl;dr: we discuss why rhys’s head implant is yellow instead of blue in this one particular scene and also go thru a bunch of theories as to what tf is up with Zer0. and some other stuff about giant space lasers

so the intro is pretty much the same as the we are mayhem trailer so we’re gonna ignore that since we figured out where sanc-iii was

pretty sure this scene has been shown already too, in the official announce trailer, i remember taking note of the pink shots

another cov camp on pandora (see elpis in the back). ive said it before and ill say it again i adore amara’s as animations

seen this a bajillion times as well

from we are mayhem near the end. also im still lowkey convinced that robot directly to the right of moze is jakobs. i know i’m probably wrong but... i want to believe. it reminds me of a cowboy

The Are. this is directly below Sanc-III (u can see the wall in the background)

eden-6!!! im interested in the signs in the back there

Prison, Reliance, Jakobs Estate, and... amoe kyuri??? wtf does this say?? idek.

This A Way (glad to know Claptrap will haunt us from beyond Sanc-III)

im interested in the Prison. i wonder if that’s any of those concrete structures/buildings we’ve been seeing across eden-6. i was under the assumption those were like testing facilities, but a prison would also make a whole hell of a lot of sense.

actually

given this sign here over the bridge to the left of the above shot

and the fact we see this concrete structure on the far left in this coming shot

that might actually make some lick of sense...

also can i just say i love the aesthetic of this supply line

so there’s a lot of shots here we’ve already seen and gone over multiple times, im not going to do that again. sorry but... eh.

maliwan = cultists confirmed

i mean if the cult-themed t-shirts being maliwan colored didn’t already cue us in on that, this definitely should lol

and speaking of this shot, i wonder if this has anything to do with Rhys’s building? the one his office would be in. it looks like there are multiple levels to the right of this robo

ah maliwan working with the cult why am i not surprised

rhys gets fucking annihilated (TM)

in all honesty... given this quest name

“Space-Laser Tag” and the subsequent quest “Atlas, At Last” makes me honestly think rhys is about to seriously get fucked up

which sucks. i like rhys. we’ll talk more about this in a second, but i don’t think its coincidence the VHs have come up to the asteroid belt to stop the giant space laser and thus are not on Promethea where the laser is going to hit

better look at this shot, that definitely looks like a rampager to me. i get it, i think. gearbox is hyping up this rampager fight to be super awesome, show it in all the promotional material, have a kickass fight with it, then the twins come in and steal the kill from you. they steal the satisfaction from getting to kill this super hyped-up vault monster.

im picking up what you’re putting down, GB. 

did not realize fl4k actually snaps. how the heck do they do that?? gotta be hard with metal caps as their fingers tbh

404 space station not found

we’re back on the asteroid

... why this gun shoot tentacles :|

this is art

wheres his head going

i was so distracted by the razor blade status effect (??? zeroes??) i didn’t notice the giant-ass A on this banner

OwO what’s this for

~A~

also this which... looks like it could be an amara skill. maybe the one that releases elemental projectiles after an enemy is damaged? feel like we would’ve seen that one already tho.

thinking of this one, im pretty sure we should’ve seen this in one of the many, many gameplay videos (im so jealous) already available.

so if it is, baller, if it’s not, im not too surprised.

it does also seem to be targeting the double cause its shield becomes visible after being hit

i thiiink this is eden-6? in which case it may be that facility tina, brick, and mordy are in (the windows). which may, in retrospect, be that prison we’ve been hearing about

cool angle of the HBC. im pretty sure we’ve seen this shot before, too.

before we get to the actual best part of this scene

this looks very Athenas-like. possibly eridian? although the lights are throwing me off. i suppose the order or someone from the order could’ve built these structures... but what for??

heheheh

also this fucker has those rocks growing out of his head, too

the ones from the alien guns

somewhere outside the RC

back at it again in the space station

also this maliwan thing looks so fucking cool

duuuude looks like the cult got their hands on more than just maliwan hoverwheels, check out that dropship on the left!!! looking cool asf

the cars are STUNNING

holy shit this skin is amazing

very siren-esque

we’ve gone over this clip already but given now that we know the maliwan base thing is on the asteroid, it’s fitting to re-address it i think

a look at one of the metal bois (that im still convinced are jakobs lol)

i love the way this thing looks

the portal seems to be giving off the same blue sparkles we’ve seen on pandora

these

[edit] we also see them in the newest new trailer as Sanc-III zooms off into space. which is interesting.

dunno wtf that means, but yeah. they exist

probably some weird eridian/other dimension shit.

more eden-6

goliath looking amazing. not red and is wearing a helmet, so that’s interesting

looks like a part of the space station

biggggg hallway. im honestly loving how huge these maps seem to be

geniviv! i love her boss fight sooo fucking much.

honestly looks like so much fun

more c a r s

this fucker

probably eridian

i mean it seems to be absorbing the pink-ish energy from the moving stones so i assume its got some sort of link going on

also comparing the mask and arm bit to what we’ve seen rhys hand us on promethea

this thing???

but yellow instead of pink

u kno all this

ye

then again it does sorta ruin the eridian tech so maybe... it’s not lol

honestly my other guess is this is part of that ‘experimental forest’ we’ve seen signs for during the eden-6 demo. dunno why it’s destroying the eridian ruins tho. maybe those pink b e a m s are hurting it? entirely possible. some sorta... life succ ability like Tyreen.

but i don’t think it’s coincidence this thing has shown up right on top of some Eridian ruins/buildings/whatever. the leftmost part though looks like it could be human technology, which is weird. maybe some weird sort of mish mash. human tech that trees/plants grew onto and eridian ruins accidentally powered up. iunno man. im tiored.

rhys’s implant is glowing orange/yellow-ish which is very new

this is from the dev trailer (not glowing at all in the darkness)

from the promethea twitter trailer

and honestly that’s pretty wild to me because in tftbl rhys’s implant glows blue 

shown when he’s in the vault next to fiona

in bl3 during the We Are Mayhem trailer while using his ECHO eye

oh also since i just noticed

from the promethea demo

this scene

also from the promethea demo

they’re missing their monomolecular edge!

we’ll get back to zer0 in a secco

anyway you know who else’s head implant glows?

im not saying katagawa is replacing rhys because their implants are on opposite sides of their heads, but i am saying Katagawa WANTS Rhys in Maliwan and... well, Rhys’s forehead implant isn’t glowing yellow in any other shot we see of him

idk gamers i just think its sus

also rhys is holding onto that thing we see him handing to us in the Promethea trailer

this thing?? you know?

the eridian thingie majig

tho these look like two different areas... unless there’s like a very drastic wall change between angles (which there may be- these fans look identical)

which makes sense that Maliwan would want it (for the big laser thing maybe?? since we know they’re going for activating said laser)

... but honestly i get the feeling this is in some way related to... after the laser. especially since we know that that eridian thingie matches up with this one on pandora

in which case... wtf is the laser for? it definitely looks like its destroying stuff on the surface...

rhys also seems to have knowledge about the eden-6 vault key since he projects it during the dev trailer

me thinks someone got h a c k e r o n i e d

alright galaxy brain theory time:

rhys gets hacked by maliwan not only bc they want a merger, but also because he has info on the vaults/giant space laser, forces zer0 to be maliwan branded now since atlas is joining maliwan, zer0 finds out rhys is not willingly joining maliwan and is instead under maliwan control and tries to forcibly take the key away from him, we stop zer0 and save rhys from both the assassin and maliwan control

🤷‍♂��

Alright but in all seriousness there’s only 2 ways this can go

1. that’s actually our zer0

2. that’s actually not our zer0

and there’s a lot of theories running around about that and i guess we ought to address them

so for 1 there’s a few possibilities:

1. zer0 is a robo/cyborg and got hacked by maliwan (i personally don’t like this one bc i don’t want to know what zer0 actually is. it is a ~m y s t e r y~)

2. zer0 got paid more money to eliminate rhys and is doing so

3. zer0 decided killing their boss would be the ultimate challenge and thus decided to try it out... by joining maliwan

4. they’re faking rhys’s death and/or zer0 is infiltrating maliwan

5. zer0 got the brainwashed/their bodysuit got hacked (i would be interested to see if the monomolecular edge tech caused them to get captured or smth. i mean if there’s a tracker on it, then zer0′s decepti0n wouldn’t exactly work cuz they turn invisible... but they’d still be seen)

6. rhys got the brainwashed/hacked and zer0 is attacking him to get the eridian thingie/key/relic/whatever back

personally i’m curious how they’d play off 1-3 given Zer0 and Rhys are both shown on sanc-iii and zer0 even has crew challenges

im saying idk if the crimson raiders would appreciate zer0 attacking/trying to kill an ally without very good reason.

which is why i’d imagine 4-6 are the more reasonable answers?

also given the explosion of Promethea (what we’re assuming is Promethea) is green and also the laser we see maliwan controlling is purple, i wonder if that’s some brainwashing juice instead of... other stuff. cuz like.

this is elpis’s giant space laser. very radiant and like... ribbon-y? and has all that blue stuff and orbs and mm.

THIS is Promethea’s very solid and has circles and just. looks straight up like a death laser.

and yeah again it could be modified by that human-looking (?) tech around it to be like a brainwashing b e a m or something

or just more precise. that too.

and honestly idk if this could destroy a planet like how we see the planet (that we are assuming is promethea bc of the asteroid belt) in the sanc-iii article

it’s a solid ‘yeah that’s more likely than my theory’. might take a lot of time tho. or maybe those energy rings power it up or deal more damage when they hit the planet...

oh also given Tina literally says “WE blowing up this whole mother humpa”

and the reason im questioning the human-looking tech around it is because

typhon and leda 100% noticed something here. i guess if it was altered by humans after typhon and leda found it then that would make sense?

we’ve also got this from the tree guy, so i don’t know for certain.

anyway number 2

(2. that’s actually not our zer0)

i love these ones

1. that’s 0ne (zer0′s assassin’s assassin from the son of crawmerax dlc)

2. maliwan made a/hired a copy of zer0 and it’s easy to copy their voice/way of speech bc of the modulator (that’s just a fake implanted into atlas to steal all their secrets)

and all of these have the idea that the real zer0 shows up to save rhys at the end of this scene (explaining the blue light)

this

i personally disagree on that being zer0′s sword. tbh it looks more like a maliwan weapon or a laser or smth to me. that said it could be a weird effect because they’re in decepti0n or smth.

most of these theories have the idea that the real zer0 is either off with Fiona or Lorelei or just off on their own and only show up later. i wouldn’t even be surprised, given their line at the end of Tales. you know the one where they diss rhys like “i was talking to her” lol

so i don’t really have much to add to these. personally i believe that’s our zer0 up there, but i wouldn’t be shocked if something happened with the monomolecular edge that allowed maliwan to create a copy of zer0. or brainwash/control them. whichever. 

i do like the reintegration of 0ne into the story, that’d be a hilarious call-back, but i worry it’d be too obscure (a side quest in a headhunter dlc) for the majority of players. we’ll see

it’s weird if brainwashing or mind controlling thru the maliwan tech is the case bc the monomolecular edge isn’t present on their maliwan sword. or their future sanc-iii sword (but that part DOES make sense bc why would they keep that).

(alright also so i just took a bunch of nyquil cuz im sick as a dog so if this devolves into incoherent rambling im so sorry)

ah aurelia

i love her to bits but i don’t trust her because i mean... she worked alongside Nisha and Wilhelm and Alistair dislikes her. there’s like a 50-50 shot she’ll become evil

i would not be surprised if this is a boss fight (door looks frozen over on the left there) but also i would not be surprised if she’s helping us fight off waves of enemies given it looks like we’re in the jakobs manor

like i said 50-50

her attack does make the camera wiggle a bit, usually that happens if the attack injures the player viewing it (with the hud off) cuz it will give a stagger effect

so take that with a grain of salt. also we don’t see aurelia on sanc-iii when hammerlock and wainwright are both there in the group shot in the launch trailer

this fucker i already talked about a bunch in my reddit post on the eridium subject so im going to link that here. i might have already spoken about it on here tbh... i can’t remember lol

anyway here’s the copy and paste from there to here

you can see a huge Tink with Eridium growing out of his head and what look to be Eridium horns. And he's being elementally charged from an Eridian floor tile (in one of those temples, probably the Pandoran one but it could be Athenas, I guess). Kind of like how Bloodwing (also bigger) becomes elementally charged by Jack using element-throwers to change her element. i know it's a cultist tink because on his right shoulder (our left) he has those glow-y pink/purple tubes that are on the CoV guns and other cultists (like goliaths). and while i'm not sure if this is solely Eridian stuff (since they're in a temple) or because of the twins, it's definitely something that should be talked about. 

wait no yeah i did talk about this because of the athenas post. i just remembered lol

uhhh whoops. double dipping i guess lol sorry

still not sure if this is Pandora or Athenas. kind leaning towards Pandora atm

i like how this guy is able to make a cryo wall thing

he goes to smash it but we don’t get to see what happens cuz it cuts to another rampager

dishing out corrosive/radiation (??) attacks while someone shoots it with a fire weapon

this bamf which i KNOW i discussed in that athenas post

also something i haven’t noted is that his roar seems to be activating something here, like a spiral light of dooooom. also more blue sparkles. maybe summoning an assist? or a debuff/attack aoe. 

there is also this weird light near its legs that moves with the camera and sorta reminds me of the weird real-life face talky siren thing. you know the one

very curious as to what this is cause i haven’t seen it in any other scene with a rampager in it. maybe some sort of connection to the spiral/whirlwind thing it’s making?

oh wow im tired now lol

well bl3 is fully downloaded on my computer gamers, so we can officially say it’s happening!!!

[takerfoxx]

And the fav of the day is...

THRAX!

Okay, we’re going for a more obscure one here. It’s not like Osmosis Jones has been completely forgotten or doesn’t have it’s fans, but it under-performed at the box office, got mediocre reviews, and is in no way considered a classic. And you know what? It kinda deserves it. I mean, the animation’s really good and well directed, and the inside-the-body world is pretty creative, but that’s really the only thing other than the villain that stands out. The voice acting? It’s okay. The buddy cop stuff? It’s fine, I guess. The writing? It’s passable. The live action bits? Gross and miserable. The plot? Eh. 

What I’m saying that this movie is okay at best, and I am not really a fan.

But the villain...

...oh my God, the villain...

Big Daddy Thrax (yes, he does call himself that at one point) really feels like he wandered in from another, much better film. He’s got a really cool and intimidating design, fucking rocks that turtleneck/trench coat combo, sports a kickass power, has a deliciously smooth jazzy voice provided by Laurence Fishburne, and is just plain badass. I mean, just look at his intro!

Okay, now that is metal. It’s like something out of a damned horror movie!

Honestly, Thrax just owns every scene he’s in. He’s pretty much a combination between an international terrorist and a supervillain who travels from person to person, stealing their hypothalamus glands as trophies as he tries to kill each victim quicker than the next. Why? Because fame. He wants to become so notorious that the medical journals devote an entire chapter to him. And he is relentless in his goal, cutting down and scorching everything and everyone in his way. On day one he massacres all the local big crimeboss germs and takes over their operations just to gain muscle and makes it look easy. Is undeterred when all of said muscle gets taken out by the cops, and kills the rest when they irritate him and doesn’t lose a step. And he just comes so close to winning too! Like, he’s thwarted by mere chance! And to be honest, I was kind of disappointed that he was. 

Yes, I was rooting for the homicidal monster. Sue me.

Compared to other entries on this list, Thrax isn’t especially complex or deep or anything. He’s pure evil, just here to wreck shit as fast as possible and look awesome doing it. And that’s really enough for me. It’s a shame that he ended up being in a so-so film, but boy did he shine!

Careful...I’m contagious.

[lydiannode]

If you could only pick one favorite Queen song for every album, what would they be and why?

Eek. That’s tough, but I’ll give it a try. Please keep in mind that I’m a classical musician by training so my answers probably won’t line up with anyone else’s. :)

Queen I: “Keep Yourself Alive.” No heartfelt reason, I just like it and its catchy, semi-ironic lyrics stick with me. Queen II: “Father to Son.” This is my least favorite ‘70s Queen album (don’t @ me; I just don’t care for heavy metal) but I do like this track for its thoughtfulness. Sheer Heart Attack: I’m going to cheat and go with the three-song medley of “Tenement Funster/Flick of the Wrist/Lily of the Valley”. Roger’s lyrics about disaffected youth are as fresh today as when they first appeared. “Flick of the Wrist” gives us Freddie at his (al)most sardonic perfection, and the segue into “Lily of the Valley” reminds us of how romantic and tender the band could be when they wanted. A Night at the Opera: I know I’m SUPPOSED to say “Bohemian Rhapsody” (I do admire BoRhap, which I consider a triumph of engineering rather than something I’d seek out to listen to) but “‘39″ is the winner for me. In an album full of surprises, this is my favorite. I love songs that tell a short story through imagery and instrumentation (for example, “Eleanor Rigby” is at the top of my list), so this ticks all my boxes: a story that seems simple but has a twist at the end, acoustic instruments in a song about space travel (written by an expert on the electric guitar), and the gorgeous rising harmony parts. A Day at the Races: AIGGH! How do I pick one song from my favorite Queen album of the 70s and possibly of them all? I love this whole album so much, but the standout will have to be “Somebody to Love.” The universality of the lyrics, Freddie’s extraordinary vocal, and the “gospel choir” formed from three voices that really shouldn’t match but somehow do (another box to tick - I love mismatched voices that end up working), and the way everyone is playing their hearts out for their Freddie. News of the World: Another tough call, but I love “My Melancholy Blues.” Queen would’ve made a kickass jazz trio (sorry, Brian). Freddie’s piano, John’s bass, and Roger’s drums (does he use brushes on any other Queen track?) are the perfect accompaniment to Freddie’s stunning torch song. Jazz: Okay, I’m gonna run with “Don’t Stop Me Now,” although “Jealousy” runs a close second. I love the leisurely intro/outro compared with the nonstop vivacity of the main song. You can just hear the band “having a good time” with this one and its infectious. The Game: Yeah, it’s “Save Me,” hands down. Again, universal lyrics sung masterfully will get me every time. Something that makes the song appeal to me is that the chorus ends differently on each iteration, always an incomplete cadence that leads seamlessly to the next verse. Genius.

Flash Gordon: Oh dear, oh dear. What a bloody awful movie. Let’s say the theme song, because I can’t remember what the rest of the album sounds like.

Hot Space: I’m tempted to say “Back Chat” because I admire a good diss track, but to me the standout on this album is “Under Pressure.” Because Bowie and basslines are always amazing (and alliterative!). The Works: Tough call, again. Freddie’s autobiographical “It’s A Hard Life” is difficult to listen to in retrospect, but it’s so gorgeous that I can’t ever change tracks when it pops up. The use of “Vesti la Giubba” from Leoncavallo’s “I Pagliacci” (”the clowns”) at the beginning isn’t just a random classical insert. This aria is the main character’s second-act soul baring lament about the infidelity of his beloved wife. “Laugh, clown!” he sings to himself. “Turn the spasms and pains into jokes, the tears and anguish into grimaces...your love is broken - laugh at the pain that poisons your heart.” Sound like anyone we know? This is such a personal song for Freddie, but we all feel it deep within our souls. A Kind of Magic: Oh, let’s continue the heartbreak theme with “Who Wants to Live Forever,” another song that hurts in retrospect. Yes, the opening lyric is cribbed and inverted from Bernstein’s “Somewhere,” but who cares when the song is such a feast? Brian’s tender lament turns heartwrenching when Freddie takes over the vocal. Michael Kamen’s orchestration is warm without being treacly, so while I miss John and Roger it’s not catastrophic. The Miracle: The title track. For someone in Freddie’s situation to write of miracles in such a loving, giving way - well, it’s just pure Freddie, isn’t it? Bonus points for having such a charming video to go along with it.

Innuendo: OOF. I can’t. It’s a two-way tie between songs written for Freddie by people who loved him: Roger’s “These Are the Days of Our Lives” and Brian’s “The Show Must Go On.” Roger, usually so brash, gave Freddie a tender, wistful goodbye. Brian, known as a writer of introspective songs, gave Freddie a powerful, defiant message. I can’t talk about either song because I just start crying and can never, ever stop. Made in Heaven: Oh, God. “Mother Love,” for its “lasts” - the last Mercury/May collaboration and the last Freddie vocal - and for the way Brian sings the final verse because Freddie passed away before he could “finish it later.” This is a heart on sleeve moment for the whole band, ending with the flashback cuts and the baby’s little cry. Well, now I’m crying...anyone want to talk about these choices?

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Romania to Eurovision with an edgy plea for a return of special someone

To be honest, I wasn’t that on board with Selecția Națională 2019, like, at all. I get that scandals happened and three songs withdrew from the comp. at various stages due to various reasons, but Romania is just Romania to me somehow. Well there were a few overall gems (some of them out of the finals too), but I just couldn’t be bothered to waste my Sunday evenings on a single broadcast of it. Plus, I was never that swayed by the two big fanwanks from here anyway, so I’m glad they flopped lol.

But maaaan did I have a bone to pick with the people reacting to it. Especially towards the Wiwi jurors. Look, there’s such a thing called as “song growing on you” and “performance elevating the song”, as well as the one that goes “getting over it”. Surely these aren’t make belief concepts of life, hmm? I’m not one of those people who prefer a song more or less thanks to its performance, but there are some good ones that occasionally change my opinion on a song, especially a ‘boring’ one! And thanks to those terrible people, some of Wiwibloggs videos were unfairly attacked with dislikes, and mind you, not only on the Romanian NF interviews that don’t have the current Romanian subject of choice, no - both first-reaction-after-qualifying-to-A-Dal-2019-final interviews (that were of these two) too. And it’s not even the first time a televote winner doesn’t win the NF so you should have SHUT. THE FUCK. UP. (- Penn Jilette) Clear? (:

(lol this is all directed to the people from like three months ago, obviously now that the writeup is late the drama has cooled down A LOT, especially in the light of Ukraine’s events and the actual dust of this Euroseason where everyone made amends with everything, but I can’t help but keep what I thought of this initially because I just wanted to write something for Romania as I didn’t have anything else to say until I remembered the drama so)

So here’s that one controversial subject that unexpectedly slayed the poor man’s “Fuego” and that one homophobic teen by hitting it hard by an extremely unbalanced jury vote (and 24 points to it coming from that core Wiwibloggs duo, no less) and her on-stage couch possessing - the half-local half-Canadian little to no known artiste, Ester Peony, who conquered all in her homeland “On a Sunday”, as her songtitle says (haha bad puns whoop.) Is it any more mesmerizing over the two fanwank fanflops, or is it, just like Wiwi said at first, ‘boring’? Hmm...

It starts of bluesy, with the Western-movie-sounding-pop guitar twangs accompanying the sound, and Ester begins reminiscing her love that left her on a Sunday of September, later followed by snap percussion. And deep inside she wants that person to come back “to [her], to [her], to [he-eeee-eeee-er], eh, eh, eh, eh”. She begs and pleads for the return for her loved one, as I believe the absence deeply upsets her (smoke from the ashtray, everything’s so cold an gray, loving is a hard price to pay) and eats her up from the inside to a degree. I never had someone to leave me like that on a whatever the day was, but I feel for Ester’s song’s protagoniste.

Here are some interesting things I find in this song: its progressive intensity; the decision of putting a 3rd verse up in the place of the bridge; right after some additional “eh eh eh eh” after the chorus (bridges are usually of completely different vocal line ways); cool voice of the singer’s; the strings; the beat... and the fact that it’s described as “electro-pop”. Pop I might get, in fact it sometimes reminds me of those older Billboard chart topper songs from mid-00s por so, or that it could have been one of those kind of songs. You needed just to give it to a popstar relevant of the time and voilà - a hit! Electro... not quite sure on this one. Maybe the bass that occurs in the 2nd and 3rd verses indicates something on it but that’s all.

And man do I hate to say this but the song's attitude is something that makes me wanna scream sometimes. It occasionally happens when I stop feeling so happy clappy for a song a few listens later because I just don't feel like caring about it anymore and that it starts making me feel some sort of a soulache because I trusted it in the first place. Kinda like "Funny Girl", Latvia 2018: I actually didn't mind it at first but its desperation got on my nerves a whole lot that I got completely irritated. "On a Sunday" has enough elements that I like to keep the irritation feeling at bay, but I doubt that even they will not make me want to smash a chair everytime I hear that chorus again... you think you can suppress your smugness overtime, song? Think again about it later

Oh and there's a supposed revamp, I doubt I would be able to feel any better about that song that way, as long as my mind just automatically recognizes Ester's singing as "whining" for some reason. It probably will make me feel less worse if I see a stage show similar to the absurd mess one from the NF where shit happens and Ester's just chilling on a chair. Game of Loans? Student loans? It was random but I definitely appreciated the scarlet madness all surrounding it. I hope to maybe see something similar in Tel Aviv - edgy imagery, why not. Bring on the candles and the ravens.

To summarize, I don’t think it’s a bad song at all. It’s daring, it’s badass, it's kickass, it comes right at you, grabs you in and you adapt to it however you can be able to. However...

Approval factor: I still have mixed feelings about passing it off as something approvable, but objectively I would like to do so. Good for you to try something different, Romania.

Follow-up factor: Anything at least half-decent is a fine follow-up after The Humans’s mediocrisms (I’m helping the dictionary to have more words, one construction at a time!). I liked the Humans more though and Ester... sort of? But in general context, Ester’s a fantastic successor.

Qualification factor: Somehow this did not sound like a definite Eurovision qualifier to me, so at one point I thought it would be just missing out... but it’s a complete effing borderline of a song. At one point it sounds good enough for a filler qualifier, at another it’s just not qualifying somehow. We’ll see how she rehearses it up in two days, though.

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

I think there’s nothing more I can say about Selecția Națională (refered to as SN from this point onwards) than I already said in the intro, so let’s get to the moments, shall we? ;)

• So what else do I have to say about the fanwank-esses that hasn’t been said? Well, on one hand you have an Amazon-jungle-tribal version of “Fuego”, “Army of Love”, performed by Bella Santiago (who had one of my favourite SN entries last year lmao), who went all out with body paint and wild choreo and a rap bridge in Tagalog (one of Bella’s native languages) to make it all sound slightly different than “Fuego”, but still, that pre-chorus just feels like a pitched-down “Fuego” from a B minor to a G flat minor, with the same acoustics and the beat, and the drop is some limp-ass Amazon flutery magic. On the other hand you have a 16 year old Laura Bretan with an poperatic ode to her “Dear Father” which was praised for her insanely good vocal skills (I forgot what’s that called... an alto? soprano? mezzo-soprano? sorry I know a lot about music but not a lot about those ranges) more than the song itself... there’s a big problem about Laura though as people found out that she does not believe and/or condone a marriage between same-sex people. For Eurofans that’s a major red flag as as of lately Eurovision is very LGBTQ+ friendly and having had Laura next to people like Bilal or Mahmood would have probably been concerning if she knew of them having had boyfriends... Like I said, neither of those are special. Imo people loved Bella’s song because of the “Fuego” vibe and people loved Laura’s song because of her voice combined with her age. I said what I said. (Oh and there was a missed opportunity for Il Volo and Laura to reunite this year in Eurovision had they only been chosen in their NFs.)

• Screw these gals, now here come on the real faves of mine - another rock band, obviously, and that’s Trooper. No but for real, could at least ANY country have sent a rock song this year? It could have even been San Marino for all I cared but this year is so MoR without a rock entry... Trooper’s “Destin” sounds like something coming out from an epic fable about legendary heroes fighting for their glory of the nation by slaying goblins with wearing medieval costumes (with a sleeveless top and metal armor for the chest), bearing their long hair and looking strong and hunky. Lai-lai-la-la-la-lai!

• Now what were the other competing entries I liked? There were quite a few like the folk bop titled “D A I N A” and sung by Letiția Moisescu and Sensibil Balkan, then Teodora Dinu’s captivating pop tune “Skyscraper” and a really catchy non-qualifier entry by a band Steam, named “The Way It Goes”... no really Romania, why’d you let that flop... and why did you also let 2 Gents flop... and moreso importantly WHY DID YOU LET THE FOUR FLOP??? That’s like the best football-anthem-esque song I’ve heard in a while... such a shame it didn’t appear on the national selection’s final. Oh well. Poor those 4 young souls.

• Now what were those 3 (actually 4) withdrawals? First one was concerning the first ever Romanian representative Dan Bittman and his own problems so he couldn’t return to a NF and be one of the potential returning artists to Eurovision. Then there was this Australian-Romanian chick named Xonia who withdrew for seemingly no reason, all last minute. There was one more withdrawal from a semi-regular SN participant Xandra too, as well citing unknown reasons. And then there’s Mihai (or as he likes calling himself nowadays, M I H A I) who once again wanted to return to Eurovision (no wonder his Eurovision 2006 song was called “Tornero” lol) with an entry, and this one is called “Baya”. And then he went on an epic quest of flopping - firstly by withdrawing his song last minute from SN claiming that it’s corrupted, then considering to return as a wildcard, then thinking on to latching on to Eurofest in Belarus, but gotten sick last minute and therefore perma-cancelled his NFs journey this year entirely by not appearing on the Eurofest auditions. <3 Not to mention he’s a bit of a creep by subjecting people to his nude pictures with just him in his underwear. dude you’re almost 40, stop doing that to the kids. you’re not even a “daddy”. just look how alien you look on your song’s thumbnail:

• Netta continues her guest appearances on various NFs, such as in UK and in Spain (in spirit, as it was just the Triunfitos singing “Toy” at the beginning of the ESC OT Gala). This one even had her singing her newest song “Bassa Sababa” alongside “Toy”. Oh and there also was one of the Festivali i Këngës 56 alums coming by, Inis Neziri, to perform something for Romania after having won a music competition in Romania, and here’s her performance. But did she even have anything interesting in her backdrop as this?

We know you did Netta sweetie but do you honestly need to reminds us? I did not see Eleni doing shit like this and I don’t want you to do the same. Well if anything I am glad Netta only gracefully performed “Toy” on EYD 2019 (which I missed in my “National Final bonus” section for the UK’s review (as well as them reminiscing Eurovision’s best moments) but frankly I don’t think you cared anymore about it when you learned I was gonna write so many long-ass paragraphs, so yeah)...

• So what was the exact thing again that made everyone such bitter Betties? Well, everyone foresaw Bella and Laura battling it out in this NF, having succesfully qualified together. They even did well in the televote. But then the jury vote happened, and it included the God-forbidden Wiwibloggs duo voting separately and usualy picking all the similar favourites based on performances. They were very pleased with Ester Peony’s on-stage chair prop and her dramatic mess so they gave her their 12s. INDIVIDUALLY. And that’s one of things that pushed Ester higher for the win, despite only having 3 points from the televote lol. But the worst part about it is their opinions: they have praised “Dear Father” so much for mostly the same reasons others praised it so much as well, and were stunned. A what they thought of Ester’s song? That it’s boring. And their mindset switched when voting on this NF, with 12ing Ester and only giving a few feeble points to Laura. That’s where the backlash ensued - not when Emmelie de Forest (yep she was in the jury too) did not give any points to Bella Santiago’s song - just for that notion alone. Maybe it was because of a REASON. Laura’s song in the end is just an uninteresting pop ballad with some additional vocal exercising (too flawless that you even tire from flawlessness), Ester at least brought something to liven up her song, and maybe Wiwis changed their opinion accordingly by not being enthused by Laura anymore! And what’s the problem with that, eh eh eh?.. oh right, y’all accusing Wiwibloggs having rated Laura down because she’s a homophobe. Real friggen’ obviously because of that, you guys. NOT. Grow a brain a bit, will ya. (and even a contestant named Linda Teodosiu was pissed about Wiwibloggs not giving her enough points lmao... her song was a typical ”rent a NF songwriter” spiel so she has no effin’ reason to be mad her ‘originality’ wasn’t awarded lol.)

Worth noting that one of the other reasons people were mad that the juryvote points overpowered the televote big time (like 7 juror votes against 1 set of televotes - inequal) and therefore did not even listen to what they had to say (again, Ester had 3 freaking televote points lol). It’s a thing y’all should get used to - juries overrating an act one way or the other, against the televote’s will. It’s a given nowadays, remember. I know y'all Romanians wanted to scream "ESTER IS NOT OUR WINNER WE HAVEN'T DECIDED HER WE WANT BELLA/LAURA!!!" but that's the truth with the juries.

And thankfully, that is, what I think, all you need to remember from the SN headache this year. Fortunately it’s much smaller than the last year’s headache that, aside from 60 songs in total for 5 semis (!!!), also had a very strictly eliminative system that had 3 qualifiers each from a semi decided by juries ONLY (geez not even A Dal does that!), only to soften things up by having everyone fall down on televote’s hands only during the final. And then the final had the drama on its own. But if I reminisced it all on here, we’d be taking more than just all day, so it’s best that I stop this here and now, for all of ya who are already tired of all this waffle.

Good luck to Ester! and may all of your fans see you performing on a Saturday :)

[handsofdarkness]

The 10 best Within Temptation songs

Within Temptation have had some huge hits in their 22 year career, but what are their best songs? Let's find out!

Last week, in a world exclusive, we revealed that Within Temptation were back with a brand new album, Resist, coming December 14, and that they had landed their first ever Metal Hammer cover. To celebrate, we thought we'd bring together a list of the 10 greatest Within Temptation songs ever. If you're a newcomer to the Dutch metal machine, this is your place to start...

Mother Earth (Mother Earth, 2000)

This classic paean to the Big Green Lady is the track that introduced much of the world to Within Temptation, and it remains one of their hallmark anthems almost two decades later. Swaying synths swirl dramatically around stirring string sections, as Sharon Den Adel croons her way through a song so bombastic it could have been plucked straight out of something from the Lord Of The Ringssoundtrack. Probably during a song about Ents.

Ice Queen (Mother Earth, 2000)

That the title track wasn’t Mother Earth’s most overblown number speaks volumes of how big Within Temptation’s ambitions were from very early on, and this frost-tinted monster might just be symphonic metal’s finest moment. Big riffs, synths, strings, horn sections and what still may just stand as Sharon’s most powerful vocal performance. Metal rarely gets more ludicrous – or brilliant – than this.

Stand My Ground (The Silent Force, 2004)

A hint of the more rock-oriented waters that Within Temptation would dip into later in their career, while Stand My Ground might be far from the band’s heaviest track, it showed that they were finding their feet with penning big, catchy choruses. Catchy choruses still drowned in dramatic synth and big-ass riffs, mind. The lyrics, based around confronting your past and tackling your inner demons head-on, are a defiant call-to-arms.

Angels (The Silent Force, 2004)

A melancholic wave of synth introduces this, one of the Dutch band’s most well-known singles. And it’s well-known for good reason: Angels was the surest sign yet that Within Temptation were beginning to hone their songwriting without sacrificing any of the grandeur and glory that had made their early tracks such epics. One of the biggest choruses contemporary metal has produced, it’s a song that still sounds absolutely humongous live.

The Howling (The Heart Of Everything, 2007)

A spooky, supernatural humdinger of a song, The Howling not only boasts one of Within Temptation’s most memorable intros (come on, don’t pretend you don’t find yourself singing along with those Whoooooooo whooooo whooooos), but takes on a much more sinister edge lyrically, taking the listener through a nightmarish showdown with otherworldly beasties. Most likely including werewolves. How this song never got picked up for an Underworld movie we’ll never know.

Faster (The Unforgiving, 2011)

2011’s The Unforgiving saw Within Temptation make their biggest stride yet away from their symphonic-heavy roots, and it paid dividends – it’s a near-flawless record, stacked with killer, rock-heavy songs full of enough hooks to give the whole of Neverland the shits. This stomping single showed that the band had finally made the full transition from symphonic metal heavyweights to a rock ‘n’ roll powerhouse.

Iron (The Unforgiving, 2011)

Evidence that Within Temptation hadn’t yet left their penchant for bombast behind them, Iron is a full-blown, galloping heavy metal anthem, packed with strings, horns and a bassline ripped straight from Steve Harris’ notebook. A sinister, spoken-word segment designed to tie into the conceptually loaded theme at the heart of the record only adds more tension to what is one of the band’s most dramatic and urgent songs.

Sinéad (The Unforgiving, 2011)

Perhaps the best song on The Unforgiving is, in many ways, its least metal. Don’t let that put you off, though: Sinéad is essentially a kickass pop tune drenched in guitar, with a hook so catchy it’ll cause an outbreak and a chorus so infectious it’ll have you nodding your head for hours after the song’s finished. If Kelly Clarkson wrote this song it’d have been filling the guilty pleasure spot at rock nights for years after.

Paradise (What About Us?) (Hydra, 2014)

While Hydra felt like it wasn’t quite the leap forward that Within Temptation needed, it still gave us this killer cut. The symphonic metal dream team of Sharon den Adel and ex-Nightwish singer Tarja Turunen gave us an absolute beast of a lead single, the two singers’ voices complimenting each other perfectly and providing Within Temptation with one of their biggest singles ever. 53 million views and counting on YouTube doesn’t lie.

The Reckoning (Resist, 2018)

If the lead single from new album Resist is anything to go by, we are about to be in for something very, very special indeed. The Reckoning opens with one of the heaviest riffs Within Temptation have ever produced, sounding like something from a recent Korn album more than anything in their catalogue, and the abundance of electronic flourishes add a welcome new dimension to their sound. A well-worked cameo from Papa Roach’s Jacoby Shaddix seals the deal nicely. Is this a sign of things to come? Well, you’ll have to pick up the new issue of Metal Hammer to find out...

[nemesesengine]

Interview with Fear of Water

It's been quite a while since I wrote an article here. Fact of the matter is, for the longest time I was afraid that I was falling out of love with music. In today's cesspool of djenty 0-0-0-1s, bro-metal and achy breaky heart related subject matter, I started to feel suffocated, desperately reeling towards that windowsill, clawing at it to get a breath of fresh air. Originality had become a dying art. All hope was gone.

UNTIL I stumbled upon this crazy talented guy here on instagram @fearofwater

[Subject : Dave Perry]

[Designation : Drums/Vocals/Guitars]

I was searching for Sevendust covers one day to inspire doing one of my own, and what was awaiting me was the FRESHEST take of their acoustic song 'Bonfire' off of Time Travelers & Bonfires. People usually cover a song note for note, with a last minute vocal melody change towards the end, but this - This was... HEAVY. Groovy. Yet melodic. There was a Clint Lowery PRS as a weapon of choice in the thumbnail, so I knew this guy was serious about his shit.

"What the fuck?" I muttered, as I played it.

And from the moment the crunch kicked in, it hit me like a flying brick to the face. Instant K.O, ladies and gentlemen!

I tried getting up, but the man was owning every instrument in there. There's a MEAN solo in there too... I'll post an embedded video down below shortly, but in that moment I KNEW that I had to talk to this guy. He made this song his own, and his work was the shot in the arms I was looking for.

I recently got to sit down with him and have a chat.

So what got you into music and how long have you been doing it for?

I had extensive bouts of sickness and infection from birth which caused long term damage on my hearing and other aspects of my health. Several surgeries, a dozen medications and years of speech therapy helped me finally get back to somewhat normal but from a development standpoint, I was years behind kids my age. I struggled greatly with all my academics, any form of memorization and even a large amount of motor skill related tasks. I have always gravitated towards music, even when I was clinically deaf due to my illness as a child. My family has VHS tapes of baby Dave sitting next to giant speakers because I could feel the vibrations of Genesis, The Stones and Springsteen. Once I regained my hearing, I would OBSESSIVELY listen to any and everything, actually gravitating towards jazz early on. That being said, I had zero musical abilities or talent.

I tried out for band in 4th grade, I wanted to play sax so damn bad. In my mind, that instrument was the epitome of cool. My try out on a plastic recorder was beyond horrible, so the band director relegated me to the percussion section. It quickly became clear that drums were for the rejects that wanted to be in band but couldn’t hang with the other performers.

At first I was biter but I quickly discovered Nirvana, Metallica and NIN. I quickly understood that rock doesn’t live without drums and I became dedicated to embracing this instrument. I struggled for two years, had absolutely zero ambidexterity. I felt like a marionette and I couldn’t clip the strings. I tried and tried to no avail.

Then in the spring of 1996, I very vividly remember listening to Load by Metallica, specifically Ain’t my Bitch. I was listening to the song over and over, air drumming on my lap during a multi-hour car ride when I felt a very distinct “pop” in my head. All the sudden I felt like the strings were finally clipped and I finally achieved ambidexterity. Over the next year, everything fell in to place: my academic drastically improved, my memory came back out of nowhere and I became obsessed with drums. From that point on, I knew that music was going to be an integral part of my life so I dedicated the vast majority of my free time to learning as many instruments and music as possible. 24 years later I’m still going.

What was the first song you ever learnt?

Ohhhh....good question. On drums it was In Bloom by Nirvana. That intro/hook drum fill was my absolute favorite. On guitar, probably anything/everything on SMASH by Offspring.

Most people spend the better part of their years learning one instrument, but you're pretty much a one-man-band. What was the driving force behind learning more than one trade?

Going back to my first answer, I came to the understanding that I had unlocked this skill set and I needed to explore it as much as I can. I’m still learning new things every year. My mom’s side of the family has been incredibly musical for several generations so I’m starting with a good tool kit.

(Embedded below is Dave's kickass cover to Sevendust's 'Bonfire')

What's your go-to song when you pick up the guitar or sit behind the kit?

Drums: March of the Pigs by NIN. It was the first “complex” beat I ever learned. The idea of playing in 5/4 initially blew my mind but once I got it, I couldn’t stop.

Guitar: Sad but True by Metallica. It will forever be the ultimate metal song to me.

Your biggest inspiration?

A three way tie between Trent Reznor, Dave Grohl and Clint Lowery. They are all multi-instrumentalists that are great people who have maintained a strong career through changing genres and tough times (addiction, loss, legal battles, etc.)

What's your fondest musical memory?

That “pop” in 1996 was pretty damn magical. In recent history, it was playing to a sold out crowd opening up for Pop Evil last year in Wisconsin. The crowd energy was electric and that feeling is addictive!

As a casual bedroom guitarist myself, I feel like very often we reach plateaus and don't even realize it - After doing music for so long, how do you think one can assess their skills?

I think it’s important to always be trying new things, especially if you’re uncomfortable with it: new styles, new tubings, new instruments, writing original when you’ve only done covers. If you’re really struggling, then that’s a benchmark for that moment but now you have a goal, set your sights and push through.

Are you happy with where the rock scene is currently at? How do you think we can make it better?

Yes and no. The music industry as a whole will never be the same with the advent of streaming and stealing music. It has made an already unlikely career a near impossibility for most. That being said, newer tools allow for more casual musicians to get their music in front of people they never could have otherwise. Specifically Rock: it’s still a live in several different genres. I know my generation will keep it alive as long as we can.

If you were stuck on an island indefinitely, what one album would you take with you?

Assuming I have a device on which I can play said album? 😊 The Colour and the Shape by Foo Fighters. It’s a masterpiece.

Who's one lesser known musician you think people should know about?

Danny Schmitz (from Milwaukee, lives in NYC). He has a killer band, Lost in a Name, and is also a stellar solo artist & producer. The man can shred and we’ve collaborated on a few songs that you can hear at www.facebook.com/TheFearOfWater

And what does the future hold for Dave Perry? Any closing words?

A metric shit ton of music! You will be able to find four albums of Fear of Water music on all major steaming and download sites over the next couple of months. I also have several new videos that I’ll be publishing on YouTube and Facebook this winter as well. 🤘🏼🤘🏼

[glumvillain]

GlumReviews #6

You ever hear those one hit wonder bands and wonder to yourself if they ever had anymore good songs hiding in that album that made them big?  I do.  In fact, it haunts me nightly and I blame it directly on dissolving at least 3 of my relationships.  But after diving kinda deep in the infant stages of goth and emo rock, I decided to take a hard left turn into something a bit lighter.  While the overarching theme of pop is present in alot of the bands I’ve reviewed so far, I’d like to discuss a relic of pop music that may be a little unappreciated in terms of the importance of bands you’ve (probably) never thought twice about.  The Cardigans.

After the death of Kurt Cobain, and inherently grunge, Americas music industry goes through what I essentially call it’s identity crisis, and if you don’t believe me just go look at what charted from ‘96, the year The Cardigans released their 3rd studio album:

As the Macarena dominated the states, artists remained hard at work to pump out the next big music movement and you could really follow it all from the 90′s. of Ska, Swing music, spanish hits, techno, nu metal.  It was a mad dash to be the next trendsetter.  And the entire country was on the receiving end of the horrid trash that the 90s pumped out post grunge-era.

And then, there’s The Cardigans. A swedish indie-rock band that received acclaimed success, winning several awards for their Disco-Pop romance anthem: “Lovefool”.  This led me to explore a question I had always asked myself, is a one hit wonder’s album worth checking out? And in this case I’d say yes, and allow me the pre-emptive correction of saying The Cardigans are not a one hit wonder.  While their biggest song to this day will be “Lovefool” they have had some chart ranking songs but none ever matched the success of the song that broke them through on their 3rd album.  Which is the album I’ll be reviewing today.

1. Your New Cuckoo

Beginning our journey is a Nu-Disco Pop jam that just leaves you wondering what you’re in store for.  By now you know my affinity for nice, bassy songs and this delivers, with some very smooth guitarwork to boot.  At this point I begin to wonder who calls the shots in determining the hits because the fact that the general public doesn’t know this song is pretty criminal.  Definitely give this one a listen.

2. Been It

Along with amazing bass lines, I also enjoy whenever a track transitions perfectly into the next and this is accomplished perfectly here.  With a bit of a harder edge, juxtaposed with lead singer Nina Persson’s soft vocals as she tells a tale of devoted love, playing the roles of everyone in someone’s life and coming at that crossroads where you realize you can definitely do better than what you currently got.  Driving guitar and drums, its a great pop-rock song that opens doors for this familiar pop-rock in the 90′s.

3.  Heartbreaker

This is a sultry, hypnotizing song that I really love, the bass line, the percussion, Persson’s voice is breathy and seducing, as she lazily sings about the fleeting passions of her heart.  Produced with lush instrumentation and attention to detail.  This is just all around a beautiful song that I had to listen to a couple of times because it really is an interesting choice of musical direction.  The Cardigans are not a one trick pony as this album progresses, they’ve displayed strong roots with pop and guitar led indie rock, and this song just dives into the shallows of psychedelic rock, all respect to where it’s due but I can’t help but get strong Nancy Sinatra vibes from this song.  From as it begins a light pop song, bends with some doom metal guitar vamping to fadeout, a really great song worth checking out

4. Happy Meal II

My first remarks are really about the drums that just stink of Ringo Starr.  Which isn’t a bad thing.  Playing on this psychedelic rock sound they lean into, this is their bubblegum pop entry into the album and I gotta say I’m not annoyed at anything here.  A catchy hook, and Nina Persson’s voice again is just this sugar frosted cherry on top of this beautiful arrangement of percussion and guitar.  This album keeps you interested as it twists and turns through it’s genres. 

5.  Never Recover

I get more Nancy Sinatra vibes here.  Like a pop Bossa Nova, the drummer has times where he really shines and brings this amazing energy to these basic song structures, really makes even the most simplest of songs easy to enjoy.  Nina’s lyrics don’t take themselves too seriously and come off sincere as she questions her own actions in the face of love.  Lyrically competent between being the victim and also realizing one’s faults and the role that plays in the loneliness. 

6.  Step on Me

A tongue in cheek ballad that leans more into a rock genre but providing a genre-bending twist as only I’ve come to expect from the band by now.  Playful and carefree, it’s a nice showcase of guitar work and Persson’s innocent harmless voice.  Laying groundwork for alot of indie music of the 2000′s in my personal opinions, flip flopping between hard pop-rock and indie slow jam, its a testament to their unique use of every genre they touch.  

7.  Lovefool

I mean, we all know this song I’m sure or at least heard it once. Within the context of the album itself, this song gets lost to me, obviously strong enough to launch their career into stardom.  It seems to lack a certain quality that I can’t quite pinpoint.  Perhaps owing to the fact I’ve heard this song about a hundred times more than the rest of the album.  It’s not a bad song, but to me, personally boring as the rest of the album is an absolute treat to the ears, especially if pop music is a guilty pleasure thing for you. Listen at your own discretion. But may I invite you to listen to the absolutely bitchin’ guitar portion that kicks in at 1:01.  Just amazing.

8.  Losers

Reminiscent of track 3 with its intro, we are led into another pop-rock standard experience. Once again a beautifully done transition from the previous track. Probably the most bleak song of the album as it begins with the lyrics “Close your eyes, look at all these losers/ You find them everywhere, they’re fucked up and annoying”.  A song you could definitely see playing at the end portion of a CW show where the final thoughtful message of the episode is being narrated.  

9.  Iron Man

Black Sabbath cover.  And easily one of the best covers of any song I have ever heard. EVER.  And I mean it.  A band from Sweden, arguably a birthplace for cold dark demonic harmonics and face paint-clad goth bands.  Have absolutely every right to kickass this much.  In their way of course.  Heavy Metal takes a backseat as they turn this into a trippy deconstructed journey of the classic heavy metal anthem.  Smooth and chill, it’s just an amazing cover.  These guys made “Lovefool” for fuck’s sake, and they’re covering Ozzy better than most metal bands could ever hope to.  Please listen to this song.

10. Great Divide

Back to the lush fields of bubblegum sugary sweetness, more symphony led than most of the songs on the album, comes off as a little broadway tune, largely forgettable in the context of the record.  So many good songs in this album and I personally feel this didn’t meet the standards of the rest of the album.  Lyrically strong, I don’t think it takes away from the album if it was skipped.

11. Choke

The send off track is a nice somber closer, reiterating their use of nu-disco, psychedelic sounds, an obvious love for that 60′s retro-rock.  This song implements use of several horned instruments, as well as some flute that can be heard prominently in a few tracks. It’d be really hard to pin down exactly what genre this is as it wavers between alot of genres, as could be said for alot of their songs as they’re able to successfully blend these elements of soul, funk, disco and pop and become their own specific sound. (fans of Tame Impala may find something familiar in the nostalgic guitar and groovy basslines)

I can’t say this album is underrated because it scores fairly decently across the board with some prominent music reviewers, so I’ll say this is definitely an album everybody should check out.  I’ll go out on a limb and say that in an era or chaotic post grunge, this is one band that kinda kept this pure Pop essence strongly in its foundation.  Didn’t go the route of synthesizers and drum machines, but instead utilized a full band to make some of the most unique music you will ever please your ears. 

 Without The Cardigans, I don’t think you get a direct line to later acts like Avril Lavigne, Britney Spears, Hilary Duff and Miley Cyrus respectively.  It’s pop without being too sugary sweet, and it utilizes every single instrument perfectly, every song feels perfectly engineered to hit that sweet spot and from my non-stop gushing I guess it’ll come as no surprise if I rate it.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐/5

I’ll admit, the album starts strong and burns out towards the end for my taste, only kept alive by the Black Sabbath cover, if you’re curious at all about this album, I highly recommend that song the most and checking out the album at least once. 

[bthenoise]

Track By Track: Explore Alpha Wolf’s Punishing Masterpiece ‘A Quiet Place To Die’

Despite everything going on in the world, 2020 has actually been a pretty productive and kickass year for metalcore music. 

With releases from the likes of Currents, Polaris, Make Them Suffer, The Amity Affliction and lots more, surprisingly, this year hasn’t been a complete and total waste. 

Adding to that list of killer metalcore albums is Australian noisemakers Alpha Wolf and their bruising sophomore LP A Quiet Place To Die.

With 11 ferocious and pissed off tracks, there’s no denying this is the perfect record to turn to when you’re looking to absolutely destroy everything in sight. 

For an exclusive in-depth look into the new face-melter that is A Quiet Place To Die, guitarist Sabian Lynch has teamed up with The Noise to share an insightful track-by-track overview of the entire LP.

To see what he had to say about punishing tracks like “Creep,” “Rot In Pieces” and more, be sure to look below. Afterward, make sure to pick up a copy of the album here.

a quiet place to die

Sabian Lynch: Being the first song on the album we wanted to give the listener a taste of what is to come, it’s a dark song to represent the album overall. A quiet place to die can be perceived as lonely, at peace or however you want to perceive it.

Creep

“Creep” is a song outing everyone who preaches something but goes against their own guidelines for self gain. Everyone knows someone that this relates to as its getting way too common. We used to have a guitar intro for this song but felt it hit harder and stronger with vocals as soon as you hit play.

Golden Fate; Isolate

The final installment of our “Golden Fate” series, this touches on the same topic of suicide but this is years on and how it still affects the day-to-day. Somedays its anger and somedays its sorrow but the feeling still lingers. If you listen closely you can hear a sample from “Golden Fate; Water Break” in this song.

Akudama

There’s a lot of jealousy in humans, a lot of people who don’t think you deserve what you have. This is our STFU anthem plain and simple.

Acid Romance

This is our nu-metal jam that’s about the inability to love as much as you feel you should, self-doubting to the point it’s destructive featuring guest DJ scratches by a guy we found on Twitter that remixed one of our songs and tagged us.

Rot In Pieces

You can’t choose your family, unfortunately. But you can write stupid heavy songs about your disgust and hatred toward them. The first piece of this song was actually written on drums, our drummer sent over some beats he had been jamming and then everything was written on top -- something we’d never done before.

bleed 4 you

The soft song you can mosh to. We’ll always push the boundaries of our mosh-metal sub-genre and this time around we’ve delivered a ballad of not being in the same timeline as the one you love, always finding each other at the wrong time. This song almost got deleted plenty of times but ultimately we decided to keep it and we’re glad we did. Once we heard Lizi Blanco’s (The Beautiful Monument) voice fill in the gaps we knew we’d written something special.

Ultra-Violet Violence

This song is about growing up with a brother who suffers from a high case of Epilepsy. Witnessing seizures and nursing my brother to health was normal for me from a young age but for anyone who’s never witnessed a seizure before it can be a very daunting experience. We’re hoping to spread some form of awareness about Epilepsy and seizures in general so that more people know the right procedures to take to help in any case of emergency.

The Mind Bends To A Will Of Its Own

The mind is a crazy thing is it not? We can feel so depressed to the point we know exactly why we’re depressed but choose not to do anything about it. All we want is nothing.

Restricted (R18+)

The true meaning behind this song is that, if you want to hurt a bad person, you’re no better. Yes, there’s horrible people in this world but exacting your own form of justice just puts you in their shoes.

don’t ask…

A lot of the lyrics for this song were written on a train ride to and from different recording sessions. Written about the overhanging shadow that our loved ones constantly bug us about, we know it’s there, it’s with us everyday and we’re always doing what we can to let it go. These things don’t happen overnight but rest assured we’re doing what we can, believe us.

[wknc881]

Band of the Week: Parkway Drive

Carrion was the first Parkway Drive song that I had ever heard and I immediately got chills during the intro. From there, I went back into the band’s entire discography. This band will forever be one of my favorite bands not only because their music is kickass, but also because they are genuine guys. I met them at the Carolina Rebellion in 2018 and they were all super cool! They said that they liked my $5 Walmart sunglasses, and they also put hearts around their signatures on my poster.

Parkway Drive is from Byron Bay, Australia and they formed in 2003. The band has released six full-length albums: Killing with a Smile (2006), Horizons (2009), Deep Blue (2010), Atlas (2012), Ire (2015), and Reverence (2018).

The band got their name, Parkway Drive, from the street where their home rehearsal space was at. The home was also a venue for live shows because there was a lack of venues for punk rock and hardcore punk bands to play at. Parkway Drive played their first show at the Byron Bay Youth Centre.

The band flew to the United States where they recorded Killing with a Smile with Killswitch Engage guitarist Adam Dutkiewicz in just two weeks. Then the band got signed in 2006 to Epitaph Records. They went back to Dutkiewicz studio to record Horizons. The band hit the studio again to record Deep Blue, and according to Parkway Drive’s vocalists, Winston McCall, this record would be the rawest and heaviest record to date.

And as they say, the rest is history! The band has steadily been going up and getting bigger and bigger as each year passes. They went from playing at small house venues, to selling out big name arenas. Parkway Drive has “IT;” this edge to them, you can hear it in their music and you can see it in them when they perform live. They have this energy that puts their audience in a trance and you can’t help but jam when they play. They have that special combination that assures that the band will be even bigger! You can tell that they love what they are doing and that they’re playing for their fans. Having a band that is so genuine make it so far is honestly a breath of fresh air. Keep grinding, Parkway Drive. I can’t wait to see where you all go from here.

One of my favorite memories of seeing Parkway Drive was back in 2016 when one of their guitarists lost his shoe and a crowd surfer caught it and threw it back deeper into the crowd. The guitarist found this funny! And then out of nowhere, we had toilet paper being thrown around the crowd. It was awesome!

What is your favorite Parkway Drive song? Mine is Crushed.

Stay Metal,

THE SAW

[raincoastgamer]

Bloodborne is wearing me out, Thumper gives me cramps in my arm and leaves me feeling brain-dead after half an hour (but in the best possible way), and I don’t want to deal with people so there’s Titanfall 2 and Overwatch out of the picture.

Looking at the release of Horizon Zero Dawn has got me hankering for some light, vapid yet well-constructed AAA open-world shenanigans, so I dipped into my too-big Steam library and retrieved Middle-hyphen-Earth colon Shadow of Mordor.

What can I say: it looks quite pretty, the animation work is superb, the soundtrack is mostly on par with the movies, and once you get past the awkward opening couple of hours it comes together as a sort of greatest hits compilation of Batman: Arkham Noun, Assassin’s Creeds and Far Cry 3/4 with a Middle Earth coat of paint, a surprisingly earnest effort at integrating it into the greater Middle Earth narrative and the oft-touted Nemesis system adding a surprisingly engrossing level of emergent rivalry between yourself and an array of procedurally-ugly’d Uruks. I’m a fan of the WWE-style zoom-and-intro whenever you encounter one of these fellas while roaming. It appeals to my over-the-top sense of theatrics.

There’s nothing wrong with liking well-executed but unremarkable action games. Sometimes, a 7/10 action romp is what you need.

As always, Miracle of Sound provides us with a kickass melodic metal tribute to games he likes. Shadow of the Ash is a better title than Orc Army Simulator 2015, I’ll admit.

Shadow of the Ash, by Miracle of Sound. Support this artist by visiting their Bandcamp.

[ancientnapdragon]

Restless: another superhero au

i’m angry at the world right now and i have the flu and it’s shark week so i’m TAKIING OUT MY PAIN with a random superhero au at 6 am.  normally i would write this down in a file to store but i’m too lazy to get up so sorry everyone.  it’s klance cause i’m a pos.  sue me.  under the cut if you are actually interested or whatever lmao let’s GO.

this is probably really stupid and rambly cause i’m jotting ideas down before i go to sleep so sorry i’ll do my best

its a superhero au so it takes place in some type of large city or area a-la new york or like metropolis or gotham or something.    large area means lots of villains but also lots of heroes i guess too?

being born with superpowers/inheriting them/whatever is common enough, but it’s not SUPER common.  like, i'd say that maybe one in about every thousand people is 'blessed' with power naturally, but it’s very rare you actually get something cool.  like you'll be born with superpowers and get the ability to sneeze super loud or something lmao.

zarkon is our big bad ofc he is.  he's been moving from city to city around the world in superpower dense areas.  why?  to STEAL THEIR POWERS.  zarkon is called The Void on the street, and his power is literally to take other people's powers and add them to his whole repertoire of fuckery.  he's crazy powerful and in the last year he's decimated places bad enough that heroes AND villains are scared of him.  apparently he's after something crazy powerful, but doesn't know where it's at, so he's just kind of wandering and looking for it.

haggar ofc is like his number 2, and its no secret that they hate each other, but for some reason he can't absorb her power and he's too strong for her to take out.  so why fight when they could work together or whatever.

anyway, she has like this crazy dark magic type stuff.  telekinesis, spirit channeling, crazy lightning bolts and even low-level necromancy if the body is fresh enough.  she's crazy powerful and can boost or nullify other people's powers, too.  for a price.

no surprises here but they're making their way to Lion Kickass Voltron RockNRoll City (the tentative name for where our beloved character live).  also no surprises that recently orphaned billionaire Allura and her plucky butler Coran have just what zarkon is looking for.

Allura's family is one with the ability to 'pass down' their powers to a younger generation, so when king Alfor died he passed on a type of very special crystallomancy.  it helps them use the natural energies of the world to see the future and also shape it to their will.  it's not a godsend power, making little ripples here and there in the timestream still takes a while, but it's hella powerful when used correctly.

Coran actually has a power, too.  he can sense and nullify poison, and his family has worked hand in hand with allura's for generations to keep her family safe.  the agreement is that for this protection they have to shape the world for the better.  also, he could kick your ass in don't think he's just a pretty mustache.

Both of them are active in the underground network of vigilante heroes, but they play a more passive role of assisting them into money when they need it or tips on where crimes will happen.  which really ticks Allura off cause she's not a 'passive' type of gal, you know?

shiro is a cop who was forced to retire early cause of an accident where he lost his arm.  he suspects foul play and a major cover up, cause his partner on the case ended up dying, too.  then not long after his partner's scientist father 'vanished'.  shiro doesn't know what happened to them, but he doesn't like it.  he's been trying to look more into it but every time he's looked, he's been led astray or met resistance.

he eventually runs across zarkon and haggar by accident, and haggar 'curses' him with power for his meddling.  he loses a year where he gets the name of Champion by the underground and a reputation as a brutal killer who doesn't have a soul.  he's got a magical gauntlet replacing his arm that he can't take off, which gives him super strength.  he's also got higher endurance and stamina, plus he's numb to some pains.  the only drawback is that if he uses his powers too much, he goes into a rage state where he has to 'fill the gauntlet with hate'.

its not a power he's proud of or uses very often.

he woke up three months prior to the story, dumped and bleeding in an alleyway.  he's confused cause he lost a year and has more questions that he has answers.  it's through good luck, for him, that allura finds him not long after and takes his him.  he's been slowly regaining his reputation as a hero and not a villain under allura's guidance while also looking for his own answers.

keith is a magical girl.

no, really, he kind of is.  The codename and powers of 'Valkyrie' has been around since the 1920s.  The powers are connected to a magical artifact, the worn and battered grip of a silver spear.  the spear 'chooses' who inherits its power.  every previous incarnation has been a woman, cause it's who the spear wanted.  the name and power has a whole brand behind it, cause it's powerful and been around a long time.  six years before the story started, the previous chosen wielder of the spear died and it's been dormant ever since.

the relic is protected by a hidden society of women who had been secretly training a replacement ever since even before the last Valkyrie died.  then along comes Keith and fucks it up.  he's 13 when his foster parents Romella and Thace take him in.  turns out Romella and his foster sisters, along with a lot of the stuffy wives and daughters of the stuffy suburban home he's living in, are part of the secret society.

he finds the relic and it chooses him, so he's Valkyrie now.  Romella and Thace adopt him cause I WANT HIM TO HAVE PEOPLE WHO LOVE HIM.  he starts training to be able to use these powers, and he has his own underground spy network of women.  plus like four older foster sisters??? who says lance always has to be the one with a bunch of siblings???  let keith be happy 2k17.

he doesn't actually go 'onto the street' to fight crime, which he hates cause he is a rash child, until he's seventeen and Romella dubs his training 'complete'.  he's nineteen at the start of the story and has earned himself a reputation as being a harsh punisher who isn't afraid to curb stomp your ass.

ANYWAY WHAT HIS POWERS ACTUALLY DO.  when he activates the spear relic, it transforms into a magical silver spear.  he also gains full battle armor, also made of this mythical silver.  everything is enchanted.  of course he can kick your ass with the spear itself, but he's also good at hand to hand combat.  he can't fly, but he can do 'sustained hovers' and jump super high.  he can also shriek out a war cry and boost the powers of those around him.  his most impressive, and the most rarely used, part of his power is the ability to summon lightning strikes (they're kind of hot like fire, right???).  its very draining on him, though.  his biggest weakness is the relic, cause if he loses it for too long, he can't sustain his magical form and will just be a regular person until he can grab it again.

i kind of imagine that his outfit looks kind of like the Valkyrie class from Bravely Default, the girl choice and not the boy, cause it's kick ass.  just with red highlights and like a strip over his eyes to hide his secret identity or whatever.

hunk is my precious bean so we'll do him next.

hunk was born with his powers.  he's got the name Alchemist cause of them, but he's more utility than combat.  if you give hunk the raw materials for things, granted he can fit it between his hands and he knows well enough how it works, he can 'squeeze it together' and make that object.  so, if he knows the intricacy of a computer chip and he is given the metals or plastics needed in a raw form, he can make it with his bare hands.  since he's studied to be an engineer, and when working with someone like Pidge, he could create some truly heinous things... but he doesn't.  cause hunk is pure

under times of stress or when attacked, he has been known to make mini bombs.  however, that isn't really his style.  he works with Pidge and Lance as a part of a group just called Palette.

more on him in a second let me do an intro to Palette first.

Palette, as mentioned, is made up of Lance, Pidge and Hunk.  They're good guys, but more of the fast and loose 'we do what we want' kind... or at least Lance and Pidge are.  poor hunk just gets caught up in their mess but he loves them and knows they do the right thing in the end.

they do things like steal artifacts from museums and help return them to where they belong, or will sneak into a corrupt ceo's office to leak some nasty business deal.  that kind of stuff.  they have been known to pinch a little money, too, but only from said shady people who don't need it and only enough to find themselves as a way to scrape by a living.

this doesn't make them exactly seen as 'friends of heroes' in all cases.

hunk does technical work like making the raw parts needed for certain extractions.  he then works with pidge to build whatever machines or things are needed and plan the heists.

pidge is the mastermind, a genius hacker who gets stuff like blueprints or downs security systems.

then lance is the one who slips in and plants the bug, or steals the thing, or gets the info and then gets out.

they're overall a positive force.  while gaining noterioty, they aren't really known that much outside of the city where they live and a few other places nearby.  they've been active about two years before the story begins.

anyway.  hunk is twenty at the start of the story.  his powers came in 'late', so he grew up pretty normal with his mom and younger sisters.  he's known lance since he was ten, and they've been kicking ass together since they were fourteen.  hunk didn't get any powers until he was sixteen, though, so he was always the one to patch lance up after something rough happened.  he met pidge three years prior to the story.  they've been friends ever since.

pidge next!  pidge is a seventeen year old tech wizard who can hack your underwear if you cross them.

this isn't their power, though.  they're just really fucking smart and worked hard for the ability to be so kick ass.

pidge actually has plantmancy, and can grow things to their desire or have plants obey them.  it’s more helpful than most people know, and it can be scary to walk in and see pidge surrounded by ten vines all handing them parts or working like seven keyboards at once by using their plants.  it’s also good for combat, but pidge is rarely in the center of the action so they don't have to use it as much.

when matt and sam died, pidge has suspicions like shiro did that something just wasn't right.  their dad was a well known and respected researcher on helping isolate the gene that made people have powers in the first place.  their brother was also a top notch detective and a known ally to the Heroes of the city.  plus, everything around the case that he died was just mysterious and nothing added up. too much like a cover up.

this is what pushed pidge to hone her powers, which had shown early and as a child was just used to help in her mom's garden.  she also focused on computers to be able to get the information she wanted even if it wasn't given access.  a real force to be reckoned with and honestly probably the most powerful of her group, but she rarely shows her hand.

she joined up with hunk and lance at first as a way to use their powers for her own gain, but then later she found they worked well together and she genuinely cares about them now.  doesn't mean those dumb boys won't get a vine wedgie if they fuck with her too much tho lmao.

Pidge doesn't have an underground name cause not enough people outside of hunk and lance know she has an actual power.  which is just what she wants.  but, she goes by the codename Em, for Emerald, on the coms.

my trash son lance is last.  and this is for good reason!!!  as you will see if you even made it this far.  why do you want to read this mess???

so Lance is a sneaky snake.  except not really.  lance is our resident contortionist.  he was born with his power and has known about it since he was super small, but he never knew the full potential of what he could do until he was in his late teens.  when he was a kid he thought he could just purify water, which was pretty cool and useful.  which, he can still do that, but he can do more now.

like scry in a smooth water's surface if he knows your name and face, he can breathe underwater, and can swim like a fish.  honestly?  all very mild powers, not really anything noteworthy.  however, he's also extremely limber because of it and knot himself into a damned pretzel twice over.  he's also got a pretty good read on the area around him; that's stronger in more humid areas and weaker in dryer, cause he senses vibrations in the water particles.  useful, yeah, but it doesn't blow the doors down like keith's or shiro's power might.

that didn't stop young lance from trying to be a superhero.  he's got a slightly enhanced healing speed, but nothing impressive.  that never stopped him from getting into trouble and dragging poor hunk into it cause he wanted to be a superhero.

it wasn't until he met pidge and managed to train his body a little more than he really started to get anywhere.  sure, he wants to do good in the world, but he also chases that fame bug.  even if it's his alter ego and not himself, he wants to be well known and adored.

his name on the streets is Galaxy, which, honestly the dumb boy came up with himself.  it’s also useful cause he claims his powers are fueled by the stars.  he knows he has an affinity for water, he does, he just likes to showboat and the boy isn't stupid.  if people don't know what to expect, they're kept on their toes.  they think he's got some weird star powers then they're less likely to strike back cause they don't know what he can really do.

it took a lot of begging and convincing in high school to join the gymnastics team for 'totally innocent' reasons for him to really capitalize on parts of his powers.  it’s also what makes him so good, which pidge and hunk's help, to break into buildings and get back out without getting caught.

he really doesn't like Keith, whom he knows as just Valkyrie (and he calls Val for short and to annoy Keith).  about seven months prior to the main plotline, they crossed paths during a heist and it was hate at first sight.  lance was going to steal something, keith was contracted to protect it.  lance was pissed he didn't get whatever he was after, and keith was pissed he didn't actually catch lance.  but this is what cemented Palette's claim to fame, cause NO ONE gets away from Valkyrie... but then this little know Galaxy kid did.  it didn't piss off lance any less tho.

they've sporadically met from time to time on opposite sides since then.  lance always managing to infuriate keith but keith always managing to ruin any of lance's plans.  there is a time or two where they kind of work together, in true 'not really evil' fashion.

i'm a slut for pining keith, so ofc he gets a crush on the boy who keeps alluding him.

after the start of the main plotline, lance’s powers mutate and he becomes way more powerful.  more on how and what happens later tho.

i'm too tired to write anymore on this right now so i'm not gunna.  i'll outline the actual plot in another post but for now i'm gunna bounce.  just be teased that lance's power changes like i mentioned up there.  also... that while i'm a slut for pining keith, i'm also a slut for the emotional repercussions of lance dying.  just... without the consequences, so spoiler but no spoiler, lance fucking dies lmao.  but then is brought back to life in true superhero fashion.

if you like this au and wanna use it to write or draw or sing or... i mean, whatever you wanna do with it, go nuts.  all i ask is you tag me or something so i can see whatever beautiful thing you've come up with.

my plans for it?  i’m gunna try and push out a series of oneshots maybe of various events in time from different characters perspectives.  they’ll range in length and seriousness and stuff.  i just like the idea of this universe and how it would be fun to play with.

anyway, i’m tired, this took me too long, and i’m still not as angry as before so good night/morning.

[on-edi-r-e-ct-io-n]

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Apparently my director went to see a production of West Side Story a few years ago, and the guy playing Chino forgot his gun before coming out for his final scene. Once it got to the big scene where he is supposed to shoot Tony, he screeched “Poison Boots” and kicked the actor playing Tony until he went down. The girl playing Maria then had to jerk the shoe off of Chino’s foot, and had to do the gunshot scene asking “How many kicks Chino? How many kicks, and one kick left for me”. 

[o-n-edir-ec-t-i-o-n]

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Apparently my director went to see a production of West Side Story a few years ago, and the guy playing Chino forgot his gun before coming out for his final scene. Once it got to the big scene where he is supposed to shoot Tony, he screeched “Poison Boots” and kicked the actor playing Tony until he went down. The girl playing Maria then had to jerk the shoe off of Chino’s foot, and had to do the gunshot scene asking “How many kicks Chino? How many kicks, and one kick left for me”.