#it had been in transit for a week and I'm about to go insane because the days are going at a snails pace

[glitziinova]

Duck shuffler plush summoning circle that will hopefully summon it to my house

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not having time to read my mutual's writing?

Met a mutual on here, bonded through fanfic, have been tight with them for a few years with pretty much no bumps in the relationship, just overall had a really good time hanging around them when I could. We both write a lot and share our writing, and occasionally we talk about that writing/workshop it in passing.

In the past few years I've gone through a ton of life changes. Most notably I went from a multi-person household to a single-person one, and I've been living alone in a prohibitively costly city for a while now working 40 hour weeks and barely scraping by. As soon as the transition started I spent the last of my free income on a shitty little laptop so I could still write, putting down words on my bus/train commutes in the morning and quite literally writing on my breaks at work because I feel insane when I can't create. I bring this up to really stress that I don't have the time for the hobby, I force myself to make the time and even then it never feels like enough.

The only thing I can really stand to do with my 3 hours of free time at night is hang out with my moots online. I'm an extrovert so being around people recharges me. If I don't have designated social time I get super depressed and can pretty much feel my soul withering away. I also feel like I should probably mention that I kinda have a slew of mental issues, personality disorders and PTSD and AuDHD and the works. Point being, shit is rough my dude, but I am a person who likes to work hard and face challenges head on and even though we strugglin, we doing it with a positive outlook.

But! I am an incredibly solution-oriented person and I have found what I personally believe to be a good balance. No one should have to live like this, but I do, and I have found a way to be happy. My writing and my social time is all load-bearing. It is not something I just choose to do on a whim, it's all planned and scheduled and I adhere to those routines very strictly because, I cannot stress this enough, I will go fucking bonkers if I don't.

I'm mutuals with a lot of writers obv, and I sadly don't have time to read their work anymore, unless I get some extra time on my days off or something gets cancelled or like, I end up taking a vacation. I carry a great amount of guilt for this, though, even though I logically know it's reasonable. I try to support them where I can, cheer them on when I see them writing and tell them how cool their ideas sound, hype them up even when I can't actually read & review.

One of the things I do is sometimes I leave a kudos on fic I haven't read. I'm not trying to be ingenuine, and if they asked me I'd tell them like 'Oh I didn't read it yet, just wanted to show support!' but to me it's kinda like ripping a paper tab off a poster so that other's feel inclined to do the same. Plus my pals get a little email and a hit of serotonin.

Except one of my acquaintances, the one I mentioned at the start here, saw that I left kudos on a couple pieces another mutual of mine wrote this year. They more or less blew up my DMs with a ton of accusatory (like, literally presented like a 'GOTCHA!') stuff about how I was selective in who's fic I read, more or less implying that I secretly held some sort of grudge or negative feeling toward them and was making the conscious decision not to read or interact with their writing because of. Something, I don't actually know what they were trying to say. They also told me they vented to their friends about this MULTIPLE times, but they never once approached me to let me know they were feeling paranoid or neglected, they literally just took the most bad faith reading of it possible and then presented that to me like it was something I intentionally did, while the whole time I was unaware.

I tried to explain to them the kudos thing, that I didn't do it to every story, just ones I caught/noticed in my busy schedule. And I laid all this out and asked, multiple times, what free time am I supposed to read with? They didn't answer, and doubled down, kept trying to show me 'proof' that I was shorting them and no one else. Once they started to realize how wrong they were they backed down, but they didn't really apologize, or admit they were wrong, and they tried to end our relationship and left every single server we were in together. Because of some other unrelated stuff going on in my life, I didn't really consider them to be a close friend, but they were someone I really held dear and would've walked through hell for if they'd asked.

I still feel like there is something I'm missing here, and that's why I wanted to ask if I'm TA. I'm a pretty good communicator but one of the things I told myself when talking down my disordered thoughts (guilt about this prior) was "no one in their right mind would use reading fanfic as a metric for friendship." Now that I've had that exact thing happen, I'm starting to think maybe those thoughts weren't so disordered. Maybe this IS a big deal, and I should think about it more, but I don't even know what the solution to that would be. I just. Don't have time to read something lovingly crafted and appreciate it for what it is. All the hours in my week are used up, I'd have to lose sleep for this and with my mental health the way it is that is not an option.

Feel free to be a brutal, my skin is thick. Thanks!

What are these acronyms?

[supernovafics]

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 (𝟏)

PART ONE | PART TWO

pairing: singledad!steve harrington x divorcedmom!fem!reader

word count: 9.4k words

summary: in which you hate him and he hates you— and that mutual disliking is perhaps the only thing you and him agree on. you make it your mission to avoid and ignore steve at all costs, and nothing more or less than withering stares and annoyed eye rolls are shared among you both whenever you have to see each other, which luckily isn’t that often. but when your son and his daughter end up in the same first-grade class and quickly become friends, it forces things to change between you two. it means that you and him also have to be friends, or, at the very least, tolerate each other’s presence. which is something that is much easier said than done

warnings: modern!au, enemies (to friends) to lovers, steve and reader are in their late 20s/early 30s, bestfriend!eddie, mentions of cheating/an affair (reader’s ex was an absolute asshole), explicit language, some angst

author’s note: i had the idea for this lil two part mini series (and have been working on it on and off) for like a thousand years at this point and i'm so glad and excited that it's finally free from the jail cell that is my google docs lol. i really really wanted to finish this and have it up before this year was over, so part two is coming new year's eve<3333

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

For the first time in the past two weeks, you were early. Granted it was only by two minutes, but you still counted that as a win. 

You stepped out of your car and headed to where the other parents were on the sidewalk, waiting for school to be over and the kids to come out. You inwardly ran through the list of things that you still had to do today— on a Friday that should’ve been calm, but instead, it had been pretty hectic. 

It felt like pure luck that you were able to step away from your coffee shop for thirty minutes to pick up Oliver from school. God bless Jude for being willing to take over the rush that was happening. She was your favorite employee, and you knew that she definitely deserved a raise for being able to effectively keep up with the insanity that the last two weeks brought.

That transition from summer into the beginning of the new school year was harder than you had anticipated, and you knew it was mainly because this time last year you weren’t running a business full-time when Oliver had been starting Kindergarten. Instead, the coffee shop was still just an idea, a dream, that felt like it solely lived in your head; even though it had actually been in its final stages, and with each passing day, you only got closer and closer to that October opening date. And when the long-awaited opening finally came, it actually didn’t alleviate an ounce of your stress; instead, it was only increased practically tenfold. 

You’d never say it out loud for fear of being deemed as a bad mom, but it was so fucking hard juggling everything and trying to handle it all.

However, somehow, you were doing it and you were actually doing it pretty well. Although at most times it felt like you were so close to drowning, for the time being, your head was completely above water.

You kept running through your mental to-do list as you waited for the time to go from 2:29pm to 2:30pm, indicating the official end of the school day.

Call the vendors that supply the coffee beans and teas and see if they can change the next delivery date, finalize the work schedule for next week, prep the ingredients for the pastries that will be baked tomorrow—

Your eyes instinctively went to check the time on your watch right as the first handful of kids came barreling out of the front doors. 

When you saw Olly, you waved until his eyes landed on you and he immediately smiled. 

Suddenly, you couldn’t care less about the time and the rest of the shit that you needed to do throughout the day.

“I made a new friend!” Were the first words he said to you when he came over to where you stood.

“That’s awesome!” You kneeled down so that you were pretty much at eye level with him. Hearing him say that made your heart feel so happy. You knew how shy he could be and he rarely ever talked about any kids that he was friends with, especially not with this much enthusiasm. “Who is it?” 

“Maddie,” He answered and then pointed in the direction of where you assumed the girl was standing.

There were a handful of kids standing with their parents in the direction Olly was pointing to about ten or fifteen feet away, but when he further specified that she was “the girl holding the blue lunchbox,” you saw her. A girl with brown hair who was smiling at her dad who was smiling back at her and holding a hand up so that she could give it a high five. 

You recognized him immediately.

In your mind, his name was “the worst person in the world.” In reality, his name was Steve Harrington. 

You didn’t really pay attention to him until this past January because your kids weren’t in the same Kindergarten class. You actually didn’t even learn that he was the only other single parent in the grade until then. 

It was one of your New Year’s resolutions to become more active and involved in school activities, PTA meetings, etc. Mainly because you knew that the other Kindergarten moms were judging you for barely doing anything aside from the occasional bake sale and the school was way too small for you to slip under the radar and not be noticed; those moms noticed everything. 

Therefore, on the first meeting back after the Winter holiday break, you were there— five minutes late, but there nonetheless. Although, it could’ve been assumed that everyone thought you were an hour late with the amount of withering looks you received when you entered the gymnasium. 

You offered a small apologetic smile and made a mental note to never be even a minute late again. 

Leslie, the PTA president, was droning on and on about what big things were planned for the second half of the school year— somehow dragging out a short list of things that you thought could’ve been simply sent out in a mass email— when Steve walked in fifteen minutes after you. You fully expected him to receive the same type of annoyed looks that you had gotten, and maybe even more because he showed up later than you, but he got nothing but happy smiles from the majority of the moms. 

That complete opposite reaction severely confused you and you wondered how he was able to receive such niceness when all you got was the coldest of shoulders. 

Meeting after meeting it was continuously proven that he was the favorite among the moms, and it didn’t take you too long to learn why. He was a charmer, which everyone absolutely loved, and he seemed to effortlessly throw money at any school activity or fundraising event, another reason why he was so goddamn adored. 

You were probably the only one that didn’t give a fuck about his charming personality, and instead, you would inwardly roll your eyes or scoff at pretty much anything he’d say and how easily the moms ate it up. Because when you really looked at it, you two were pretty much doing the same exact things— only moderately participating in events, showing up to the big monthly meetings instead of the weekly ones (and he was still always late to them), and not signing up for fields trips or activities that happened during school hours because of how overly demanding your jobs were; you’d learned from one particularly chatty mom that he worked at a pretty intense marketing firm. However, there was such a stark difference in treatment because he was the “hot single dad that gave a lot of money;” all of the moms practically fell at his feet and seemed to only tolerate you.

Maybe it was a hint of jealousy talking, but he still always managed to piss you off and you didn’t like him at all. It was an animosity that was perhaps just one-sided, and you hated yourself for caring so much, but that changed in April; during a moment where if the circumstances were different, it would’ve felt like some sort of romcom-esque “meet cute.” But, you basically despised Steve, so instead the whole situation just made your blood boil. 

It was a Thursday at almost five o’clock during parent-teacher conference week; it was the only day that could work in your insanely busy schedule and you managed to get the latest time slot with Oliver’s teacher. You were pacing in the hallway where all three of the Kindergarten classrooms were; a coffee in one hand, because it was the only thing keeping you going that late in the day, and your phone in the other as you texted back an employee who was having problems with the oven. You were seconds away from calling him— because you knew that the issue would probably be solved quicker if you did so— but before you could, you were bombarded by someone who was quickly coming around the corner and they crashed into you. The abrupt collision was forceful enough to make your drink spill on you and your phone slip out of your hand. 

You glanced down at your now coffee-stained white shirt and then up at the person who had caused this mess, and of course, it was Steve Harrington standing in front of you. You had to fight the immediate urge to roll your eyes. 

“Oh, shit. My bad,” He quickly said. “I’m minutes away from being late for my parent-teacher meeting, so I was rushing from the parking lot. Now it really does make sense why teachers always said no running in the halls, right? Because something like this can happen.” As he rambled, you picked up your phone off the ground, glad that it wasn’t broken, and then you tossed your now mostly empty coffee cup into the trash can nearby. When you looked back at him, you saw that he was fishing his wallet out of his back pocket. “Anyway, maybe I can pay for your dry cleaning? Or so you can at least get another coffee later or tomorrow?”

If it had been anyone else, you would’ve thought that the gesture was nice. But, since it was coming from Steve Harrington it only pissed you off because, of course, money was his immediate thought solution.

That time it was too difficult to not allow yourself to roll your eyes at him. “Y’know, throwing money at everything doesn’t make you a good dad. It actually makes you kind of an asshole.” 

You knew that you were being a little too harsh, but it was still too hard to feel completely regretful about your words; you were pissed at this current situation that was fully caused by him and you were also pissed simply because he was him.

You weren’t sure what you expected Steve to respond with, but he easily matched your angry energy. He narrowed his eyes at you. “Well, at least, I can do something. You barely show up to things and can’t give money to make up for it, so how much of a ‘good mom’ does that make you?”

Before you could say anything in response to that— a response that probably would’ve started and ended with a simple “Fuck you”— you heard your name being called from behind you by Oliver’s teacher. With everything happening with the man in front of you right then, you’d almost forgotten the meeting you were at the school for in the first place. 

Instead of saying anything to Steve, you simply buttoned up the black cardigan you were wearing to cover the majority of the coffee stain on your shirt and then walked away from him, putting on a smile and greeting Miss Wilson.

It wasn’t outwardly stated right then, but it was pretty much sealed then that this disliking could no longer be confused for being something that was one-sided. You two hadn’t said any words to each other since that moment in the hallway, and instead only annoyed looks and glares were shared anytime you saw one another; which lucky for you, actually wasn’t too frequent. 

On the first day of school, you learned that his daughter was in the same First Grade class as Oliver due to the emergency contact form all the parents had to fill out, which was then condensed into one sheet and shared among everyone for “just in case” purposes, and Steve’s name and number was on there. You really didn’t think it would be that big of a deal because you could still avoid him like the plague that he was, and that was exactly what you’d been doing for the last two weeks. 

However, you did not think that your kids would become friends.

“Can we have a playdate tomorrow?” Oliver asked. 

You racked your brain for a response; a way to say no without actually saying it because you really did hate disappointing him. “Oh, um, this weekend is gonna be really busy. But, maybe soon though, okay?” 

He frowned a bit but still nodded. “Okay.”

You held out your hand so that he could slip his in and then you started heading to your car.

“We have to go back to the coffee shop for a few more hours before we can go home. But, how does pizza for dinner tonight sound?” You asked as you buckled him in his car seat. The offer was an attempt to cheer him up and you hoped it worked; probably like every other six-year-old, Oliver loved pizza.

He smiled at that. “Ooh, yeah, that’s good.”  

You smiled back at him and inwardly hoped that this playdate idea would blow over over the next few days. And that the thought of you having to spend any sort of willing time with Steve Harrington would become a scary thought that only occasionally haunted your dreams, instead of it being something that actually became real.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

Of course, it did not blow over. 

Excuse after excuse would fall from your lips, but Olly was determined and your words of “Today’s really busy” or “This weekend probably won’t be good” didn’t discourage him from continuing to ask. 

As the days came and went and a week passed with Olly asking the same question each day, you were so close to sucking it up and calling Steve and finally setting something up, but you were still way too fucking prideful to do so.

That didn’t stop you from thinking about doing it most days, though. But it was easier not to think about it when you were busying yourself at the coffee shop, and it was almost too easy to make yourself busy in some way there. And that was something that didn’t change on this Friday.

Oliver was sitting in his favorite booth working on homework and you were behind the counter, making a simple hot chocolate for the older woman who would come in almost every afternoon, typically around four o’clock. 

“Enjoy,” You said with a smile as you handed her the drink. 

Things in the coffee shop were calm and quiet, and you were about to go see if Oliver needed any help with the worksheets he was doing, but then your phone started vibrating in your back pocket. When you grabbed it, you saw that it was a random number calling, and maybe you should’ve thought about that fact more before answering, but you didn’t. 

“Hello?”

“Has Oliver asked to have a playdate with Madeline?” You quickly recognized Steve’s voice.

You let out a small sigh. “At least once a day since last Friday.”

“Same here with Maddie,” Steve said and then let out a sigh of his own. “We need to let this happen. I don’t think either of them are gonna let it go.” 

At first, you didn’t say anything in response to his words. You wanted to disagree with Steve, but you knew that you couldn’t because it was the truth. And then there was the fact that every time you gave some sort of fake excuse to Olly, you would feel like the worst parent ever, so maybe it would be best to just finally let this happen. “You’re right. Are you free tomorrow?”

“Yes,” He answered. “We can just do a quick thing at the park if that’s good?”

That was exactly what you were about to suggest, but you didn't tell him that. “Yeah, that’s fine. Is twelve okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

Steve didn’t say anything in response to you and instead simply ended the call there. The lack of an actual goodbye almost made you want to roll your eyes in annoyance, but you didn’t because you knew that you probably would’ve done the same thing to him. 

You put your phone back in your pocket and walked over to the two-person booth Oliver was sitting at, sliding in across from him. “Hey, bud, I have really fun news. You and Maddie are finally gonna have your playdate tomorrow.”

Seeing the elated grin immediately take over his face made the fact that you’d be spending a few hours with Steve Harrington tomorrow worth it.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

You never thought you’d witness a moment where Steve was actually on time for something, but for once he was. When you pulled into the small parking lot of the park, you already saw him sitting on one of the wooden benches that surrounded the playground watching Maddie go down a slide.

Moments after the car was put in park, Oliver was unbuckling himself and rushing to get out so that he could head over to where Maddie was. You could only smile at his enthusiasm before telling him to slow down and be careful.

You took your time walking over to where Steve was because of how much you were dreading it, and for a moment you debated whether or not you should sit next to him or go to the bench that was empty and a few feet away. Ultimately, you decided to just sit next to him; you could be civil for a couple of hours. 

“Hi,” You said as you sat down on the wooden bench.

He looked at you just for a second before turning back to the playground. “Hey.”

“How are you?” You asked. It was always easy to go into the mundane small talk you’d have all day with customers; aside from the ones that were the regulars that you knew too well and couldn’t simply ask how they were doing without actually meaning it.

“Good,” Steve responded. “You?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” You answered with a small nod. 

A silence that could only be deemed as awkward began to linger in the air because it felt as if there was absolutely nothing else to say. If he was a customer, you would’ve simply taken his order and he would have walked away by now, but obviously, this wasn’t that kind of interaction. The only sound that could be heard was the handful of other parents with their children and your own kids looking happier than ever. 

It could’ve been easy for you to make some joke to Steve about how weird this entire situation felt because of how much animosity you had toward each other and now there you two were on a sort of playdate of your own because of your kids. And then the two of you would have laughed about this current set of circumstances, and maybe that would’ve allowed things to actually start to feel somewhat okay. But, it just felt way too hard to let yourself actually be civil toward him, even though you had told yourself that you would be.

“I’m very surprised you’re actually on time for something. After all the PTA meetings, I thought you were incapable of it,” You said, still staring straight ahead as you then took a sip from the water you had in your hand. 

“And you’re late, which is not surprising,” He told you with a small scoff.

Aside from that first time you had been late for the meeting, there was one other time where you were late again and, of course, that was also the one time where Steve managed to be a little bit earlier than you. Given that he had been late countless times, you felt that it was both stupid and unwarranted for him to use the single time he saw you late against you.

“Whatever,” You said as you rolled your eyes. “Not that I even owe you an explanation for being only five minutes late today, but the coffee shop was starting to have a rush right before me and Olly were about to leave, and I didn’t want to leave my employee right then to completely fend for himself.”

“That’s interesting because every time I drive by the place, it looks the complete opposite of busy.” 

Perhaps this entire conversation immediately taking the shittiest turn was your fault because you “fired the first shot,” but his words felt equivalent to a low blow. You pretended as if you were completely unaffected by them and tried your hardest not to recognize the slight validity behind them— the coffee shop had its peak times and also its deserted moments, and maybe sometimes it did feel a bit more deserted than not, but you were surviving and right then that was all that mattered you.  

You glared harshly at him although he wasn’t even looking back at you. Muttering a “Fuck you” was right on the tip of your tongue, but you bit it back and instead got up from the bench and started moving to an empty one. Steve didn’t say anything else to you and instead seemed completely unfazed by you walking away from him. 

You watched Oliver and Maddie talking and laughing at the top of a slide that was big enough to fit both of them and they went down it together. Seeing how happy Olly was and knowing that this was the first friend he actually wanted to spend time with outside of school, made dealing with Steve’s bullshit right then completely okay with you. 

When two o’clock rolled around, you were waving Oliver over to you, much to his dismay.

“I know it’s time to go, but can we all get food together?” He asked when he walked over to you.

For once, the excuse for saying no that you were about to tell him wasn’t a made-up one. “We gotta go pick Eddie up from the airport, remember? Also, he told me that he has a bunch of cool stuff to give you from California.” 

“Oh, yeah,” Oliver said, a smile taking over his face. “I almost forgot he was coming today.” 

He went over to where Maddie was now standing with Steve and he gave her a quick hug goodbye before running back over to you.

Instead of giving any sort of verbal goodbye to Steve, you simply gave him a small wave. It was hard to wrap your head around the fact that you’d now probably have to see him more often than not. With how happy Oliver and Maddie looked playing together, you knew that today definitely wouldn’t just be a one-time thing.

Somehow with the wave Steve gave back to you, you could tell that he knew that too.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

You were in no way related to Eddie Munson, but he felt more like family than your actual family. 

He was the first person you met when you moved to Hawkins three years ago. After going through a messy divorce that felt like it had actively taken at least ten years off of your life, it felt so goddamn nice to immediately make a friend in this town that was completely new to you.  

Coming from Chicago, a city that had always felt way too big for you, any small town sounded perfect in your eyes, and you were able to find a cheap-ish house in Hawkins, so it was the winner.

You met Eddie at a grocery store a week after you’d moved in. It was also your birthday, a fact that three-year-old Oliver didn’t fail to tell Eddie when you accidentally bumped into him— quite literally crashed your cart into the guy— in the bread aisle. 

“Happy birthday,” He had said to you and you gave him a small smile before proceeding to say another sorry for bumping your cart into him. He then looked at Oliver. “Are you gonna bake a birthday cake for her?” 

Oliver visibly brightened and turned to you. “Ooh, yeah, can we bake a cake?”

“Sure,” You nodded and smiled at his eagerness. 

He smiled widely and then looked back at Eddie. “Can you come over and help us make it?” 

“Oh, um…” Eddie’s eyes met yours to see what you wanted him to say. 

“You can, if you want,” You told him and you genuinely meant your words. He seemed normal, and even though this was a small town, he was the first person who had been so outwardly nice to you and Olly. 

“Okay, yeah, I’d love to help,” He said with a nod. “I’m Eddie, by the way.” 

You told him your name and then gestured to Olly. “And this is Oliver.” 

“Sorry for suggesting this idea and contributing to the sugar high that will probably be happening tonight,” Eddie told you as you moved to the next aisle where all of the baking stuff was, you were giving Oliver full reign over what cake mix you got. 

“Apology not accepted,” You responded but still smiled at him.  

Many hours later, when the cake was baked and Oliver was tucked away in bed after having two pieces of it, you pulled out a bottle of wine for you and Eddie to drink. And then because of the wine and because of the fact that birthdays always managed to bring something severely melancholic out of you, you started crying to him about your divorce that had just been finalized, the affair that your husband had with his coworker being the catalyst for said divorce, and how you felt so weirdly alone in this new town but also not at all alone because you had Oliver. 

Somehow none of that managed to scare him away— even though you would’ve been completely understanding if it had— and a friendship had been cemented ever since. 

Eight months ago, he moved to California because of a huge opportunity he got with his music; it was something he had been waiting for for so many years. You had called it a “big break,” but he thought that sounded too pretentious. 

You hadn’t really wanted him to leave, he was your best friend— your only friend in this town— but you were also so happy for him. And the distance actually managed to feel somewhat okay because you two would talk all the time and he’d visit every few months.

Oliver especially didn’t mind the distance because whenever Eddie did come back to Hawkins for a visit, it always meant that he’d get some cool new toys from him. And this time proved to be no different. 

The three of you were in the coffee shop. It was quiet right then— you didn’t think about Steve’s words from earlier— and you watched Eddie smile at Oliver as he animatedly talked about something, you assumed he was telling Eddie about Madeline.

Moments later, Eddie walked over to where you stood behind the counter, beginning the clean-up process because you were closing in about an hour. 

“It’s really nice seeing how fucking– I mean fudging,” He turned around to see if Oliver heard what he’d just said, but Olly was too busy playing with his new red toy car to hear anything. “Happy he is. All he’s been doing is rambling about his new friend.” 

“Yeah, it’s really great,” You said, smiling as you thought about how happy he had been at the park earlier. You then thought about Steve and inwardly sighed. “Well, for the most part.”

“Why? Is she a bad influence or something? I didn’t think there could be bad influences in first grade,” Eddie said and then laughed a bit. “Actually, scratch that, I was definitely a bad influence in first grade.”

An amused look crossed your face. “You talk a lot about this “bad boy persona” you used to have, but I don’t know if I really believe it because all I see is a guy that actually enjoys buying toys for a six-year-old.”

He smiled at that. “I changed. Turned over a new leaf.”

“Mhm, got it,” You responded, your voice slightly sarcastic because it was still hard to imagine Eddie as anything other than the nice guy who baked a cake with you and Oliver on your birthday. “Anyway, though, it’s not the girl that’s the problem; she’s really sweet and nice. It’s her parent that’s the worst person in the world.” 

Eddie nodded. “Okay, tell me all about this mean mom drama.”  

“It’s a dad, actually,” You said and then started explaining everything that you had never said aloud before. You told Eddie all of it— how Steve was so easily able to throw money at anything the school needed, how he was basically treated like a King among the other moms because of that, the incident that happened last year during parent-teacher conference week where everything between you two fully came to a head, and the shitty conversation you had with him at the park only hours earlier. 

“Wow, I’ve missed a lot. I can’t believe you have a nemesis, and I also can’t believe you never told me about him.”

“He’s the last thing I ever want to think about, let alone talk about. If it wasn’t for Oliver becoming friends with his daughter, you wouldn’t be hearing about him. Also, I feel like “nemesis” is a bit of an exaggeration.”

“I can call him your mortal enemy, if you want,” Eddie said with a teasing smile and you only rolled your eyes in response, refraining from flipping him off. “What’s his name? Maybe I know him. Aside from you, people rarely ever move to this town for fun, so he’s probably been here his whole life.”

You actually never thought about the potential of Eddie knowing Steve, although it was completely plausible given the reason your friend just mentioned. 

“Steve Harrington.” 

“Oh.” 

From Eddie’s reaction, the answer to your next question seemed pretty obvious but you still decided to ask it. “You know him?”

“Yeah, we were in high school at the same time.” 

“Okay, what was he like?” 

“All the typical high school stuff. He was a popular guy, played sports, was kind of a jerk but pretty much all of the girls still loved him.” 

You scoffed and rolled your eyes. “That sounds very accurate.” 

“By the end of it, though, he seemed like somewhat of a changed guy. Got his heart broken by the nice girl, and then became friends with actual good people,” Eddie told you, and that was the one part of his description of the Steve that he had known that managed to actually surprise you. “I didn’t know he had a kid now.”

“Yup, and he’s also changed back into the jerk that you originally knew him as in high school,” You said. “And the most fuc— fudged up part of it all is that we should be friends. Which probably makes me sound crazy because of everything I just said, but it’s true. Me and him are basically in the same boat— the only single parents in the grade, we both have time-consuming jobs, and now even our kids are friends with each other. It would just make sense if we were actually friends too.”

“I mean, you still could be, right?”

You immediately shook your head. “Wrong. There’s no way that could ever happen.” 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

The rest of September and most of October flew by with what felt like an abrupt kind of quickness. 

Absolutely nothing changed between you and Steve, even with Eddie’s idea that maybe it could. The only time the two of you talked to each other was if it involved your kids and if you were setting up the day and time for another park playdate, which quickly managed to become a weekly thing because of how adamant Oliver and Madeline were— just like you assumed they’d be. 

It may have seemed a little weird, these brief conversations you’d have with one another that were nothing more and nothing less than transactional, but it worked perfectly for you two. 

“This weekend is gonna be pretty busy for me, so is tomorrow after school good?” You asked Steve. A PTA meeting had just ended and you and him were lingering by the same exit that the kids would come out of when school was over. 

You were pretty close to not showing up to this Thursday night meeting, but you knew that you had to because it was about the Winter Carnival happening in December. It was a huge event that would be an “all hands on deck” kind of situation, which was why they talked about it so far in advance and why attendance at any meeting discussing it was pretty much mandatory.  

Steve shook his head at your question. “I have this big work thing tomorrow, so I have to pick up Maddie and then drop her off at the babysitter before rushing back to the city.”

You nodded understandingly at his words. A part of you knew that you should have left it at that, because you tried to set something up and that should’ve been more than enough of an effort, but instead, you found yourself saying, “I can pick her up and take the two of them to the park tomorrow if you want.”

Steve was quiet and your words simply lingered in the open air. You almost regretted making the suggestion because you felt as if he was somehow going to find a way to be a dick about it, but then he looked at you curiously, and another look that you couldn’t decipher crossed his face too as he said, “You sure?”

You nodded at him. “Yeah, it’s really no problem.” And it honestly wasn’t a problem in the slightest; Madeline was the sweetest girl ever. She reminded you nothing of Steve, so you assumed that she got her personality from her mom; you still had no idea what that entire situation entailed. “What time will you be done with work?”

“Hopefully around five or six,” He answered. There was still that look on his face, which you still couldn’t tell what it said, but you really wanted to know.  

“Okay, after the park, I can take them back to my house and you can pick Maddie up from there when you’re done with work,” You said, only a little surprised at how easily this idea came together. “Olly’s been wanting to show her his new fish, anyway.”

“Yeah, I think she’s mentioned his fish to me probably a thousand times. It’s blue and purple, right?”

“Yeah, it’s a betta fish; Barnaby.”

“Barnaby?”

You shrugged. “I have no idea how Olly came up with that name, but I will admit that it does sound more like the name of an old sailor lost at sea rather than a fish. But, in some weird way, both of those things are actually kind of related.” 

Steve laughed at that and somehow it didn’t sound the least bit mocking or condescending, it was more amused. Hearing that sound coming from him shocked you as much as it, surprisingly, made you inwardly smile. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

The amount of dark clouds in the sky didn’t necessarily faze you until a raindrop hit your cheek as you sat on a park bench watching Oliver and Madeline on the playground. It was a light drizzle that transformed into something heavier in a matter of minutes and you realized that you probably should’ve been more mindful of what the weather was going to be today. 

Neither of the kids really minded the rain putting an end to their time at the park though, because Oliver was happy to go home so that Maddie could finally see the fish.

They bounded up the stairs to Olly’s room the second you unlocked the front door, and you headed to the kitchen, sending a simple text to Steve in the process. 

You: Had to leave the park because of the rain. We’re at my place now

At first, the lack of a response from him didn’t surprise you because it was only around four-thirty and he was probably busy. He was also Steve Harrington and he rarely ever responded to you in a timely manner. 

You heard the sound of footsteps racing down the stairs and you looked up from your phone, after checking it for probably the hundredth time in the past hour, to see Olly and Maddie coming into the kitchen.

“Can you convince my dad to get me a fish?” Maddie asked as she and Olly joined you at the small dining table. 

You smiled and nodded at her. “I can try.” 

“Thanks,” She said, smiling back at you. “The only time I get to see any pets is at my Aunt Robin’s house. She has a golden retriever.” 

“Oh, that’s really cool. What’s its name?”

“Willow. She’s a girl.” 

Oliver looked at you. “Can we get a dog next?” 

“Let’s just worry about Barnaby for now,” You told Olly, giving him a small smile. You could only imagine how much more hectic your life would become if you two got a dog anytime soon. “I was thinking about doing dino nuggets and french fries for you guys for dinner. How does that sound?”

They both perked up at that and nodded and you got up to turn on the oven, purposefully leaving your phone on the table because you wanted a break from impulsively checking it every few minutes. It slightly annoyed you that you heard nothing from Steve yet, and it annoyed you even more that the lack of a response felt personal. You wondered if he actually hadn’t seen your message yet, or if he was simply being an asshole and not responding with a simple “Okay” or even a thumbs up to it on purpose. 

It wasn’t until the time was a little after six, and you still hadn’t heard anything from Steve, that your initial annoyance toward him not responding to you and not giving you any sort of updates on what was happening with him over the past few hours, morphed into something that resembled worry. 

You walked out of the living room and into the kitchen and pulled your phone out of your back pocket so that you could call him. Your gaze moved toward the window as you pressed your phone to your ear; the weather outside still looked pretty shitty. The call went straight to voicemail and you sighed as you waited for the beep. 

“Hey, um, it’s me. That’s probably very obvious. Um, anyway, you said you’d be done with work around five or six, but I haven’t heard anything from you in the last couple of hours… I hope everything’s fine. Um, any sort of update would be really nice. Call, or at least text me, whenever you get this. Okay… Bye.”

You hung up and slipped your phone back in your pocket.

It was an obvious fact that you didn’t like Steve Harrington, but that didn’t mean you wanted anything bad to happen to him. 

The only thing that managed to not make you feel completely worried was that Maddie seemed okay and not worried at all. Instead, she and Olly were in the living room playing in the fort you made for them out of couch cushions and throw blankets.

You went back into the living room and sat down on the small loveseat that was the only piece of furniture that still had its cushion left. 

“You guys okay in there?” 

“Yup!”

“Yes!”  

Hearing their chorus of happy “yeses” made you inwardly sigh in relief and lean back into the chair, letting your eyes shut just for a second and muttering to yourself that everything was and would be fine. 

Your phone was still glued to your hand as you grabbed the remote with your other and turned on a random Disney movie for the kids to listen to as background noise and for you to take your mind off of Steve, even though all you were waiting and hoping for was for your phone to vibrate in your hand with a call or text from him. 

You didn’t realize that you’d fallen asleep in the chair until you were startled awake by the sound of the doorbell ringing. The abruptness of it actually managed to scare you, so much so that you could immediately feel your heartbeat pounding in your ears when you opened your eyes. 

The second Lilo & Stitch movie was now playing on the TV and through your half-awake haze, you found the remote to pause it. You then peeked inside the fort and saw that Olly and Maddie were asleep. 

As you rubbed the slight tiredness out of your eyes and got up from the couch, you checked your phone and saw that the time was 8:11pm. The doorbell rang again as you unlocked the door and the first thing that you noticed when you opened it was that it was no longer raining, you were unsure when it had finally stopped. 

“Hi.”

Seeing Steve standing in front of you managed to immediately wash away the worry you had been feeling for the last couple of hours. And it was quickly and completely replaced with the annoyance you’d initially felt. “What the hell happened?” 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Hearing a genuine apology come from Steve Harrington’s mouth actually managed to baffle you. “My meeting at work ran over, and there was no way to get out of it, not even for a second. And then there was a ton of traffic because of the rain, so a drive that typically only takes thirty minutes took longer than an hour. Also, I have the worst and probably oldest phone in the world because it never holds a charge anymore, and it was plugged in during the entire drive but didn’t turn on at all. So, I’m really sorry that I haven’t been able to call or text or anything. These past few hours have been hell.” He let out a sigh and then looked at you, concerned. “How’s Maddie? Is she okay?”

There were a lot of words that had been thrown at you during Steve’s ramble, but hearing his full explanation and how apologetic he was made your annoyance with him dissipate into nothing just like your worry did. Instead, you felt a little bad for him because of all the shit he had to endure in the past few hours. You pushed the door open further to fully let him in. 

“She’s good. She’s okay. She and Olly are sleeping in the living room. I made them a little fort,” You told him as he walked in and you pointed to where the kids were in the living room, and he nodded when he saw the construction of couch cushions and blankets. 

You looked at Steve and hesitated for a moment. You knew that this was where the goodbyes for the night should’ve started, but it didn’t feel right to have him leave just yet; he still seemed sort of frazzled and stressed about everything that happened. You started heading toward the kitchen and he followed you. “Do you maybe, uh, want something to drink?” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

“Okay, I have water and juice boxes,” You told him and turned around to meet his eyes, he was leaning against the small island. “It’s moments like these where it sucks being the “good influence/leading by example” parent because I can’t offer you something fun, like a soda.”

Steve laughed a bit; it still felt so foreign hearing that sound from him. “A juice box is fine. That’s probably all that lives at my house too.”

You grabbed one from the fridge and then closed it. “I hope you like apple.”

“My favorite, actually,” He said as you handed the drink to him, and you couldn’t tell if he was joking or not, but you didn’t have enough time to really ponder that before he completely changed the subject. “How was Maddie when you picked her up? When I told her about it this morning, she seemed excited about it and about hanging out with Oliver after school too, but was she really okay?” 

You nodded at his question. “She was great. They both had fun at the park and didn’t even mind the rain because they really wanted to come here and see the fish.”

He smiled and you could see the immediate relief wash over his face. “Okay.”

“She also wants me to try and convince you to get her a fish.”

“Of course she does,” He said before taking a sip from the juice box. You had to admit, it was a little funny seeing a man wearing professional clothes, that were probably so expensive, drinking from a tiny juice box meant for little kids. 

“I’m honestly kinda surprised that you pick her up every day,” You told him as you turned and went back into the fridge to pull out a water for yourself. “Given your job, I thought you’d just have a babysitter or someone pick her up most of the time. I had no idea it was half an hour away.”

“I didn’t used to do it… Her, um, her mom would,” He said and you could tell by the way he said those words that whatever happened involving Maddie’s mom was a touchy subject. It sounded similar to how you’d usually sound whenever you talked about Oliver’s dad— a little sad and a lot like you’d rather talk about anything else. 

Your mind started desperately trying to think of a way to change the subject; it was what you would’ve wanted him to do for you if the tables were turned. But, before you could say the first thing that came to mind, which was, “So, I wonder if it’s gonna rain tomorrow too,” Steve started talking again. 

“It had become a routine because of how hectic my job is. She’d always drop Maddie off and pick her up. But, she, uh… She left last year, so that changed everything,” He told you. You closed the fridge and turned around to face him; you forgot to grab your water but that was the last thing on your mind right then.

This conversation suddenly felt like completely uncharted territory between you and Steve because you two did not talk about touchy subjects— you and him barely talked about anything at all. But, for some odd reason, you didn’t necessarily mind the serious turn to the conversation because maybe it was a shit ton of honesty that was needed for you two to actually, finally, not dislike each other.

Steve ran a hand through his hair and pulled his eyes away from yours. He instead fixed his attention on his juice box in hand. “It happened around this time in October. She dropped Maddie off at school, but didn’t pick her up.” 

Hearing him say that surprised you as much as it confused you because you had absolutely no idea that happened last year. But with how busy you’d been then, and since you weren’t friends with any of the “gossipy” moms that somehow always knew everything, it did make a little sense why you knew nothing. 

“Maddie was waiting in the office for about two hours after school was over before I could get there because I was in a meeting and didn’t see the calls coming from the school. She didn’t really know what was happening, but she was still so sad and I think that somehow a small part of her did know.” He shook his head and sighed, a look that could only be deemed as melancholic crossed his face. “I never want her to feel abandoned like that again, so I always make sure to drop her off and pick her up now.”

As he said his last words, something managed to shift inside of you in a matter of a split second. Suddenly, his name was no longer “the worst person in the world” in your mind. 

In all of your months of having this “nemesis relationship” — as Eddie would call it— with Steve Harrington, you never thought that your opinion of him would ever be able to change. However, in this moment of you two standing across from each other at your small kitchen island as Steve held a freaking juice box in his hand, it finally did. He was a good person, a really fucking good person.

You were able to see it so goddamn easily then— the exact ways that he and Maddie were just alike. She got her personality from him, you were now quite literally certain of it. And you immediately felt bad for ever thinking differently.

“I’m sorry about what I said last year during conference week,” You told him, suddenly ready to give him your own burst of honesty. “I was pissed that you spilled my coffee all over me, and I was even more pissed because it was you, and you annoyed me so much. Because even though we’re kind of in the same boat with the amount of “active” things we do for the school, all of the moms love you so much and I swear they hate me, and it’s just so annoying.” You let out a small sigh and then met his gaze before saying the words that you didn’t think you’d ever say to him. “Anyway, you’re a really good dad, and I’m so sorry for telling you differently.”

“I’m sorry for what I said that day too. You’re a really great mom,” He said, giving you a small smile, and it slightly shocked you how much hearing that meant to you. Aside from Eddie, you couldn’t remember the last time someone said that to you. “And I don't think the moms at school actually like me. I think they just pity me because of everything that happened, and how they basically saw it all blow up in real time. Since pre-school, Maddie’s mom was dropping her off and picking her up, and suddenly one day she was completely gone. I swear the number of times I got phone calls that were a bunch of them saying, “We’re here for you,” but they really just wanted to get the full story about what happened, was insane during those first few months.”

“Jesus, small town moms are the worst,” You said as you shook your head. “Or, at least, ours are.”

You looked away from Steve and turned around, finally going back to the fridge to grab a water. “Oliver’s dad was kind of the same way. He left too. Or maybe it’s actually not the same because I made him leave— he was having an affair with his coworker. But, he also wanted to leave and be with her, so maybe it actually is a little similar. Sorry, now I’m just rambling about that asshole,” You said and rolled your eyes at yourself. You weren’t sure why you even decided to circle the conversation back to your exes.  

“Do you and Oliver ever see him anymore?” Steve asked, and when you closed the fridge and turned back to face him, you shook your head at his question.

“Not since we moved here. He does the bare minimum and sends Olly checks for his birthday and Christmas. Which I think is dumb because no kid wants a check as a present; even I would rather get an actual gift than a stupid check,” You told Steve as you opened up your water. “Does Maddie ever see her mom, or does she ever come around sometimes?”

With the way she left, you were almost certain that the answer was no, but you were still curious.

“No, she hasn’t, and I don’t think she would ever want to,” Steve answered and you gave him a small nod of understanding before he continued. “I remember about a week after everything happened, and after avoiding my many calls and texts, she finally called me. She was really apologetic about the way she decided to leave, but she said that she just couldn’t do it anymore because none of this life that we had here was making her happy, and she didn’t want me to try and convince her to stay. When she said that, it made me realize that the smallest part of me knew that this would eventually happen. Maddie was completely unexpected and our relationship had already gotten pretty bad before we found out, so neither of us was remotely ready to be parents, but we still decided to do it and try to make it all work. Right when I saw Maddie for the first time I knew that she was the best thing that ever happened to me and I couldn’t imagine my life without her, and that never changed. But, it wasn’t the same way for her mom, and sometimes it seemed like she felt the complete opposite way. So, in a way, I can understand why she knew she had to leave. I hate the way that she did it, but ultimately I understand that this wasn’t the life she wanted, and she’d never want it.” A sad smile took over his face.

“We don’t have to keep talking about this if you don’t want to,” You told him, suddenly feeling bad that you had been the one to bring the conversation back to this in the first place. “We can change the subject to anything else. Maybe the weather? I wonder if it’s gonna rain again tomorrow…” 

“No, it’s okay,” Steve said. “I really never thought I’d say this because we’ve never had a real conversation before, but I think I actually like talking to you.” He shook his head at his words. “I’m sorry, that probably sounds fucked up.”

“No, don’t be sorry. I feel the same exact way. Ten minutes ago I couldn’t really stand the thought of having any sort of conversation with you, and now I feel like an idiot for hating you all this time. So, this is insanely fast progress,” You said and then immediately thought of something. “Wow, I really wish I had some alcohol for us to drink right now because us actually not despising each other anymore is a milestone that truly should be toasted to.”

Steve laughed a bit; it was nice hearing that sound after all the sad stuff that had just been shared by both of you. He raised his juice box toward you a bit. “This will have to do, I guess.”

You raised your water and “clinked” it with the juice box. “Cheers to… whatever we are now.”

It didn’t feel entirely like a friendship, but it, at least, felt like you two could actually be nice to one another and not feel pained to do so. 

“Cheers to that,” Steve said with a quick nod and then finished off the rest of what was left in his small juice box. “I should grab Maddie and head home. She has dance class at eight in the morning. She hates it for the most part, but she has a recital next week and I told her that she should push through until that and then we can quit. A part of me is kind of glad that she hates it, though, because classes are insanely expensive.”

“Olly’s starting soccer at the end of the month,” You told him. “It’s for boys and girls. You should see if Maddie wants to do that.”

“If Oliver’s doing it, she’ll probably say yes.”

You nodded at that and how true it was on both sides. “I’ll text you the information.”

“Thanks,” He said and smiled.

You followed him as he walked into the living room to get Maddie. She was still fast asleep as her arms circled around his neck when he picked her up. You grabbed her bookbag that she and Oliver left by the front door and helped Steve hook one of his arms in it.

Somehow something was silently exchanged in that last look shared between you and him before you said your final goodbyes for the night, and you softly shut and locked your door behind him. It was a look that expressed that you both were glad about what happened in the past twenty minutes— the honesty-filled conversation that led to you two finally understanding one another and realizing how you were actually more alike than either of you had ever thought. 

It was a realization that was simultaneously surprising and refreshing. 

“Goodnight,” You said, giving him a small smile and he smiled back at you. 

“Goodnight.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

PART TWO

let me know ur thoughts<333

[benjis-journey]

11.02-05.24 (Day 23-26)

I was prepared to talk about so many things these past few days. Seeing an old friend that'd love to hear about my transition if we were still talking, an unsavory conversation I had with my mother, trouble with work, and so much more. But the truth is I'm not getting better. In fact, I'm only getting worse. I haven't had the energy to update this blog because things have become way too stressful for me to handle. My health is getting in the way of work, I can barely eat, I'm gradually losing balance and coordination, I'm only getting dizzier, I nearly fainted at work yesterday, neither my doctor nor Planned Parenthood can agree on how to assess my issue or who to see to assess it, and I keep having paralyzing anxiety whenever I step into a motor vehicle. I mean, I have to grip the car door for dear life, take insanely deep breaths, keep my head down, and wait for my heart to stop drumming at my ribcage. I am not living. I am not surviving. I have no idea what's going on with my body and everybody keeps telling me it's something completely different than what I'm experiencing. I have to wait two weeks to see the only person that can give me some kind of answer. And, if not him, then who? I might be screwed.

As I discussed the information given to me by my doctor and Planned Parenthood to my mom, I couldn't help noticing her trying to choke back tears. She seemed worried. I didn't expect her to care. It seemed particularly painful for her to tell me that I might need to take a break from taking testosterone. She sounded more heartbroken than I would've been. I knew that'd be a possibility, but I hope it'll never have to come to that. In the meantime, I've refilled the anti-nausea medication Planned Parenthood prescribed because I find it difficult to function without it. Although it makes my symptoms "manageable" (more or less), it doesn't exactly erase the struggle. But it's my only saving grace for now. I'm running out of choices and resources. I wish my mom hadn't cried. I feel terrible. My transition has been nothing but stressful. I didn't think she understood how much this meant to me or how badly it's been affecting me. I feel bad for making her worry. This is getting out of control, though. Far out of anyone's control. Transitioning was supposed to be a good thing. Possibly even the best thing that's ever happened to me. But I'm running low and hope and I might be fresh out of luck. I don't think I can do this anymore.

—Benjiꕤ

[cuprohastes]

The Trouble with Pebbles

Part the One-th.

The Tsin say Spite is a poison that hollows bones. The Atrix say Spite leaves no winners. Humans say "All things are possible through spite" and then printed it on a coffee cup, which is why everyone worries about humans.

"Then Again, 43 did walk into a hard vacuum and rescue Garf when everyone knows that's impossible, and I supposed that's what they might mean," said Dave The Human, official human and female-ish alien pangolin-mouse thing.

She was looking at the coffee mug in Question.

Raxy was also looking at the cup, and having put on some mass and developed the biology for it said, "I was there. Actually, it was me who went and got him. And I'm fairly sure she did it because… reality annoyed her."

Garf, paused while putting a new jumper on Un-Named. "… 43 is a her?"

Everyone paused to try and recall what 43 looked like.

"… Are you sure?" Dave said after another moment.

"No." said Raxy. "But uh, 43 is definitely my favourite aunty," they said.

To Atrix, anyone who wasn't your offspring, or partner (ex or otherwise), was an Aunty. They have twenty-three words for Aunty, ranging from one's most precious and delightful Aunt, to something that has the connotations of 'Oh. You. I'm obligated not to stab you, and that's as far as I'll go.' - Atrix is a fun language.

"I find it hard to tell them apart." Admitted Raxy, whose eyesight had only been good up to about two metres until recently.

Dave pawed at her muzzle. "Best advice, play dumb, or wait until they tell you or a couple of other humans refer to them enough times you can be sure. Sometimes even they don't know. Human gender is hard, Raxy."

Garfield "Garf" flickered an agreement and Un-Named Male said "Graak."

Raxy, in the transitional phase from Little Guy to Big Adult squinted at their tablet. "I thought they only had two genders."

Everyone took a moment to avoid looking at each other, and play non-committal face patterns or whootle a little ditty.

Dave, who had a degree in Humans said "OK so that's… not quite right? They have two common biological gender categories, a set of less common ones, and each category is sort of sub-divided into subsets, which have their own subsets. It's insanely complex." she said.

Tsin have four main genders, one of which can swap, a base family unity of four to eight individuals, and extended families that you have to be Phillipino to properly appreciate… and they took a long look at Humans, threw up both sets of hands and declared that the whole shebang was beyond them.

Meanwhile, the Atrix have one gender, and reproduction so external that Atrix parents can be absent for both the conception and birth of their offspring, and any pretence to Male or Female is purely a convenience for other species.

Which is to say Raxy was a little lost.

"So…" they said. "43 is…?"

Everyone took a moment until: "Grak." said Un-Named and Garf and Dave relaxed. "Yes! Ok, that is entirely correct, and definitive, and answers every question one might have about 43." Dave said. Raxy made a note.

"And Dave the Human - female?"

"No." said Garf flatly.

"Eh. Officially, male. Same as me." said Dave. "But they're still OK to be an Aunty. They're a good sort." she said eying the coffee cup.

"Practically Atrix." agreed Garf.

Meanwhile…

Dave the Human was sitting on a grassy log hiding from the lights down in the Atrix section of the station, discussing edible moss with Gondy.

Gondy who was recovering nicely from almost getting freeze-dried alive was still taking it easy. After several months of treatment, her eye was back to normal and there were hardly any scars. It'd taken 43 about two weeks to recover fully, and then he'd fussed over Gondy like she was the one who walked into space wearing only a paper gown and rescued him.

Dave was wearing a full copper tinted faceplate and a soft light jumpsuit under some specially made Atrix Coveralls that had been gifted to him. The jumpsuit, faceplate, hood and gloves prevented the UV in the Atrix lighting from causing damage.

Around thier feet, in the purple moss, skittered some junior Atrix, hatched within the last year or two, peeking out and chasing each other, watched over by the elder small adults - The ones about the size of Un-Named male, of about ten to twenty years old.

Several transitional Atrix - Smaller than Gondy, a little larger than Raxy were gardening. And since this was the Atrix deck and they weren't at work, like Gondy they were naked, which Dave privately considered a poor choice.

Then again Dave was a fan of pockets and disliked any state of dress where one couldn't comfortably stash a tablet, pen, snack, a string of Glowbs, and two multitools.

Gondy stuck her hand into some moss and pulled out a little junior Atrix, who immediately went limp, causing a couple of fatherly heads to pop out and watch her.

Atrix are communal child raisers. Atrix sub-adults sleep in little burrows under the moss that they blend in with, and when they're old enough they watch the younger generation until they develop enough to want to pair up with the more mobile large adults.

Gondy casually blinked colours at the youngster, who blinked back, while she talked: Atrix babytalk.

"It's an unusual cultivar. We had real trouble propagating them until they got popular on Earth. But now they're a lot hardier… but they're stronger-tasting. It's caused a bit of a shift in cooking recently. We've been trying some homeworld variants on curries." Gondy said.

The Junior scurried off of Gondy's lap, up to Dave who peered down at it and tossed it into the central water feature.

Dave gave a nod. "Yeah… we don't have many edible mosses but now you can hardly get a salad without powdered Grak on. And frankly, now Ranch comes with Graaak, who'd want it without?" he said casually, "As for the stuff you guys think of as a major weed… we can't get enough of it. It's the third biggest supplier of dietary fibre and vitamins for most ships and colonies."

Gondy flashed an amused expression, because the stuff was considered unpalatable and faintly poisonous to Atrix. And the humans had shown up with salad forks and a hungry look, and now it was a staple anywhere you could stick a UV bulb and a strip of substrate… wet paper would do it.

The soaking-wet little junior scrambled up onto Dave's leg and bounced excitedly, so he threw it again.

"Anyway, I've been seeing a few dry patches in my planters but I'm sure they're getting enough UV while I'm on shift… any ideas?" Gondy however didn't reply.

Dave peered and tried to decipher her colour patch then looked down to see a small adult holding an attractive rock out to him. "Oh. Oh dear." he said.

"Yes," said Gondy, "Awkward…"

And that meant...

O'Patel and Big Ma had to get involved.

They shared an office, which suited them both fine.

While technically co-administrators, they'd long ago worked out that neither of them wanted to play dominance games life was too short for office politics, and Big Ma, whose human name was: "Don't-Make-Me-Come-Down-There" had determined that the dark-skinned Irish administrator was both affable and competent, had settled in to nest comfortably with a desk and thirteen varieties of office plant, on one side of the office.

O'Patel had determined that Big Ma's subtle sense of humor and technical acumen was second to none, and that he'd rather have her on his side more than any five people he could think of, had promptly followed suit.

He had an aquarium, a cage of rats and a near constant floating video conference with a bewildering variety of people whom he bantered with, harangued, wheedled, and kibbitzed with in seven different languages.

Big Ma appreciated that O'Patel dealt with virtually all the people who called in to make themselves feel important, make demands or otherwise tie up Admin's time.

And right now they had the door closed, the windows tinted and the emergency biscuits out.

"Really, he gave Dave a rock?" asked O'Patel.

"A really nice one! I have no idea where he got it, that's some premium pebble. If it wasn't for… you know… he could have gotten anyone with that."

"That good?"

"That good."

"But…?"

"Yes…" said Ma. "Not too long back, he wouldn't have lasted long at all. No colours!"

"Is that… I have to ask, but is that because the condition also causes low survival?"

"No." Said Ma. "It's because we used to just straight up step on hatchlings like that. It was considered too severe to live with. It was a… Mercy." she said and lunged for a biscuit.

O'Patel could read the distress on the colour-changing skin across her forehead and muzzle.

"But we live in kinder times." he said.

"Barely. It's really awkward talking to him - Creepy, and he's usually excluded. No chance of pairing up. Ugh. I feel terrible but I couldn't imagine…" she admitted.

O'Patel could see the shame on her face, in a rippling pattern. "So… kinder but crueller." he sighed. "And so he propositioned Dave. Is there any chance it's some sort of mistake…?"

Ma indicted No, with certainty. "No. he outright stated that if we didn't want him around he'd see if anyone else would. Actually, he said 'Graaaak' - Very blunt but I admit, to the point - but I can't put that down in the report. I mean… I understand he feels strongly but… We can't allow it, can we? Can we?"

O'Patel selected a biscuit and pondered it. He took a bite, chewed thoughtfully and then shared it with the panel of rats who were lined up, watching him intently.

An Atrix little guy with a birth (hatching?) defect that meant he'd never developed the Atrix signature colour-changing display. And he'd more or less asked Dave to be his partner. A bit of an interspecies diplomatic issue to be sure.

The problem was that Dave was very popular with the Atrix crew and despite some highly unusual hijinks and events, had never actually done anything wrong - And O'Patel knew that Dave had a grasp of Atrix culture that was good enough that he'd spent a week as one of them on a technicality.

The technicality was that O'Patel and Ma had their claws out over someone who'd showed up to harass their staff and the aftermath was that while publically, Words Had Been Said, tacitly both the Atrix and the Human governance had been very pleased.

Big Ma had joked that if the humans didn't want Dave, they'd take him and find him a Little Guy - And now a Little Guy had marched up and put in a request.

"You know… You know what Dave will do if he finds out. And our other Dave will back him up."

"It's what I'm afraid of." agreed Ma.

"But what… what if?" Said O'Patel. "What if?"

They both had another biscuit and started to plot.

[cathkaesque]

Year in review, cathkaesque wrapped

Completed Very Big Very Cool Farmworker Report, which I'm still super pleased about. Everything I proposed was completed.

Went to Morocco for Very Big Very Cool international gathering

Basically completed transition - got all my documents in order, 2 years HRT, laser hair removal in process. I can take or leave srs so I'm basically exactly where I want to be now

Got asthma and celiac diagnoses - my lungs are better, I can finally put on weight, but my reflux issues are unfortunately uncurable (hiatial hernia)

Relatedly, spent most of February scrubbing black mould off my walls

Looking back on it, from mid-Feb/March I had an extremely bad mental breakdown that took up a good chunk of the year to recover from. Combination of all my work being due and none of it being done around March, huge trans panic in the press, trying to get all my documentation in order because the panic in the press scared the hell out of me, serious relationship issues...it was very bad. I had to move back in with my parents for much of the year while I sorted my shit out

Broke up with my bf but we got back together - the time apart sucked so bad and made us both extremely insane and unwell but it forced us to rectify serious ongoing issues in our relationship rather than letting them fester. I feel we've emerged from it stronger and things are going better than they ever have before so that is pretty wonderful. I just wish I could've resolved these things in a less dramatic, less damaging way.

Went on a lovely holiday in South Wales, and also a little weekend break in Kent

Drove 1250 miles in about 2 weeks

Went to my first festival (do not want to do that again, I hate the West)

Relatedly, wrote off my car because I was very tired from driving that much. I don't miss the responsibility of driving or owning a car at all, and I'm saving tonnes of money, but I really miss the ability to go on little trips to obscure places

Went to London a million times for work meetings

Sadly a lot of the international union work I've been involved with over the last few years has collapsed due to infighting in the international organisation. You have a situation where both the workers' union in Spain and one of the employer unions are affiliated to the same international organisation. The employer union is a lot bigger and unsurprisingly this is too unstable a mix to function and they reacted in a way that broke the rural workers' work I have been involved in. I am very pissed off as the result was issues the workers union really needed to be addressed never got looked at and someone who was very, very dedicated to the cause got forced out of their position because of it. Disgusted. I invested so much of myself into that work so I am trying to decouple my political activism from my work life to prevent this from happening again.

At the same time I had similar issues within my own workplace, especially after larger farmers' organisations reacted strongly against my report. I ended up having a big meeting with lots of them where I performed okay despite having a panic attack prior to it. So hopefully that will have been dealt with now.

Managed to have a healthier relationship to weed which is good

I got super into Flames of War and I'm really enjoying that, I love the models and painting my little guys has been so much fun.

But yeah. All in all a super, super hard year, especially the first 8 months of it, but this was due to overdue problems that needed to get solved, and they got solved. I hope things will be easier next year.

[qqueenofhades]

So l applied for a job as an English teacher (where I live it's taught as a second language) and my experience teaching is for like kids 10 and older, and this is for preschool, kids aged 2-5. So I never thought the would call me, because I was honest and told them l've never taught children that age, but they did and the problem is they gave me less than 24hrs to prepare for a class (they didn’t even give me the topics). And they're asking for pp presentation, didactic material ... And I just had to say no, they knew I didn’t have experience with children that young and I obviously don't have adequate didactic materials to bring for the children.

Yet I kinda feel bad and guilty for not having a job, and I can't help but think that maybe I'm the problem, I've been looking for a job for months and this isn’t even my university major. In my area they ask for like 3-5 years of experience, and this is for “people that just graduated” the salaries are minimum or barely above the minimum, they just don’t match the years of experience they’re asking for.

People they just don’t want to hire you to gain experience, I know you’re supposed to gain some with internships but I had at least half of my university time online because of the pandemic, some of my classmates even had online internships. And some jobs they outright tell you that they’re asking for “real experience” so those don’t count. Then if someone hires you they hold it over you, they expect you to leave everything behind and give 100% to the job, as in working and insane amount hours, at crazy times, if they’re generous they pay you the minimum but most of the time they have you there as an unofficial intern that it’s extremely lucky to receive some financial compensation; I mean who would’ve thought that we have to eat and try to survive week after week.

Honestly most days have become this despairing experience and this feeling in my chest and stomach just doesn’t go away.

Im sorry for this very long and sad anon message, it’s just that I’ve seen some anons leaving you similar comments. And you sound like a very mature wise person, I love that you talk about a lot of things 💖

First off, I'm flattered that I am seen as a good place for the younguns to come ask for sympathy and/or advice (I am a good internet grandma, etc). So yes, I shall give you hot cocoa and a nice spot to sit down and chat, metaphorically speaking.

I'm sure you've heard this before, but just so you know and/or hear it again: you're not alone, tons of young people are in the same boat, and it isn't your fault that we live in late-stage capitalism and the job market simultaneously wants 3-5 years of experience for an entry level job and pays you literal shit (but also wants you to somehow spend enough money all the time to keep the economy afloat, NO WAGE ONLY SPEND). Especially when Covid upended everything and now people want to discount online learning/work experience when there was literally no other option. It is a big bucket of crap all around, and while it can absolutely feel like a negative reflection on you personally, or that you're not good enough or not trying hard enough or not open enough to doing things completely out of your comfort zone because you have no other choice, it's not. There are tons of people who really WANT to be employed and have a steady job and at least enough to cover their basic necessities, but due to late-stage capitalism, it's just very hard. You are not the only one and this is not a personal character flaw or failing on your part.

You should not have to take a job you are completely uncomfortable with, especially when they give you literally zero chance to prepare adequately and don't give you any resources or time to support that transition (they'll begin as they mean to go on, etc). And likewise, I want to note that your university major/degree is not a binding contract that you can only work in that field, that you're a failure if you don't get a job in that field, and you have to look in that field first and foremost. Plenty of people do one thing in college and something totally different in their career, and it's okay if that happens, or if you have to work outside your college major for a while or even for the rest of your professional life. So as far as that part goes, I definitely don't think you need to feel any guilt about looking wherever you can, since as you note, the competition is hard for everybody and there's just not enough to go around (by design, since capitalism runs on manufactured scarcity). Once again: not your fault, you're not a failure, and you're doing your best. That is worth a lot.

I know that it sounds trite to say keep your chin up, but keep your chin up. When it comes to teaching ESL, it might be possible to freelance, to offer sessions virtually or over Zoom, advertise among your family and friends, etc., or other bit-part things to tide you over until you find a job (and take it from me, sheer bullheaded stubbornness is half the battle). There are also online tutoring sites and agencies such as Tutora (which I briefly taught for as a broke PhD student) or Study.com that can match you with remote/online work opportunities and get you some clients, rather than you having to do all the work to find and recruit them by yourself. This obviously won't take the place of an actual job, but it might help you patch some cracks and string together some income until you can find one.

Good luck! I'm rooting for you.

[theonethatyaks93]

A Discussion on Pinky's Sexuality/Gender (Day 3 of Pinky Week)

(Quick Note: Ahhh! Sorry about the delay on this! It's just that I've had a lot on my plate and with that new Pinky and The Brain trailer thing, I've been kind of stressed out. This is mostly because I've been trying to lower my expectations as far as they will go so I won't be disappointed or I'll be blown away. I just don't know what to think. Also, burnout is real. I'm making it all up this week, I promise!)

(Another note: I didn't expect this post to be delayed so much! Oh god! Anyways, the next few days will be a makeup week where I finally finish Pinky Week and get prepared for Brain Week coming up. This was supposed to come out last Wednesday, but I had absolutely no time! Also, I had to do a LOT of re-watching clips and research for this! Way more than I had thought. Sorry!!!)

Hi everyone and welcome to the third day of Pinky Week! For those who are just joining me, here's the gist of what's going on. Since there's going to be a new set of Pinky and The Brain shorts on Friday and Pinky's narfday was last Saturday, I decided to dedicate an entire week to talking about Pinky. Every day, I'll be making a new post about a different aspect of him, discussing things such as his character. I've already made a happy birthday and a more personal story about Pinky so go check those out. Ok, so let's begin today's discussion.

3/22/23 Discussing Pinky's Sexuality/Gender- Listen, most of this will just serve as possible headcanons/theories on events. I personally think that Pinky is pansexual and genderfluid; obviously not everyone will agree with me. This post is just a celebration on the things that I have noticed during the course of the reboot and spin-off series. I'll be tracing his evolution from loyal assistant to best friend to possible love interest for Brain. I will also be talking about how his gender identity transitioned from an interesting little joke to a realistic and admirable portrayal of a character who's not afraid to be himself. I am trying to cover as much ground as possible so let's give it a shot.

Pinky's Sexuality: Pansexual

What Does Being Pansexual Mean?: Pansexual can be defined as a romantic attraction to male, female, and nonbinary people; so basically, you like everyone. While seemingly not as common as being gay or bisexual, pansexual characters have been getting the respect and love they deserve.

Why Does Pinky Embody Pansexuality?: Pinky being pansexual has been tossed around as a kind of fan theory for a few years. Some people think that he's bisexual (like Brain) and some think he's just straight up gay (read below section for further information). However, I fall under the group that says he's pansexual because it fits his character the best. Pinky is the kind of mouse who would love just about everyone, no matter their gender or species. His kindness for anyone knows no bounds and though his heart gets constantly broken, he always gets back up again. Pinky is always determined to support Brain in everything he does, no matter how upset his friend makes him. His unbridled affection for Brain is honestly a pretty big giveaway to Pinky not being straight in the slightest.

Could Pinky be Just Gay?: This really depends on the person you ask. If you were a new fan of the series, only starting to watch during season 3 of the reboot, then yeah. Pinky is basically gay in those final ten episodes with him never mentioning a female love interest for the first time (I think) ever. It's insane. Also, he hints at his attraction to Brain in several ways such as dressing up alongside him in feminine clothing (he didn't have to do that) and even holding his hand tightly (much to Brain's surprise). He also does that little hand gesture at least five or six times and showcases his more extravagant personality. So, my conclusion is that if you were to only watch season 3 of the reboot then Pinky is nearly 100% gay. However, when you watch the rest of the franchise, this changes his sexuality to pansexual since he has a few female attractions earlier on.

Setting Things Up (Animaniacs 1993): Below is the first time Pinky gives Brain a compliment. It's from their debut episode "Win Big."

The first "gay stare" from the entire franchise in the episode "Where Rodents Dare."

Although we don't get too many Brinky moments from the earliest era of the mice's existence, we do get to see that even from the beginning, Pinky really cared for Brain in many ways. He gives his friend compliments, admires his work, and even tries his best to follow his plans, (though Pinky can get distracted easily). In "Win Big" Pinky gives a seemingly content reaction when Brain pulls him by the tail. "Where Rodents Dare" gives us the first official gay stare in the series, done by Pinky after Brain talks to him about the plan. Pinky is often seen acting in a very positive way around Brain, no matter what his friend says. While this was the point in the series where the two's relationship could only be seen as a partnership/acquaintanceship, Pinky still seems to call Brain his friends without hassle. Brain seems more reserved here and is often more brash when it comes to Pinky and his behavior.

Pinky Gets Flirty (Pinky and The Brain): Below is a screenshot from the infamous "colleague" line from episode "That Smarts"

Pinky doesn't know what to say to Brain on their "dinner date" in segment "Brain's Night Off."

This well-known frame from segment "Beach Blanket Brain" (which coincidently is paired with the previously mentioned segment).

A flirtatious line from "Brain Noir."

Pinky consoles a distraught Brain in episode "You'll Never Eat Food Pellets in This Town Again."

Pinky playing around with Brain from "Pinky's Plan."

Pinky in his adorable sweater from "Megalomaniacs Anonymous."

Pinky trying to save Brain from an avalanche in (one of my favorite episodes) "This Old Mouse."

Things began to escalate quickly after the mice got their own spin-off show. Pinky's more flirty tendencies and his relationship with Brain began to grow stronger and stronger. He showcases his feelings more often here as well. For example: when Brain calls Pinky his colleague, Pinky gets all giddy and he swoons a little. When Brain compliments Pinky after his mindless TV watching proves beneficial to the plan, Pinky tells Brain to stop it as Brain's making him feel all gooshy. This moment is complete with Pinky looking flustered and there's even a music swell to compliment the entire ordeal. Pinky is shown on multiple occasions to take great pleasure in flirting or teasing Brain, giggling often. His loyalty to his friend is also shown in excess. When Pinky sees that Brain is going to perish after an avalanche in episode "This Old Mouse", he goes all the way up north to find him. Pinky does manage to save Brain, not only proving his dedication to his companion, but convincing Brain that the future can in fact be changed. Pinky even says things like "I can't lose you again" and when Brain tries to get him to leave for his own safety, Pinky repeatedly denies doing so, wanting to save Brain. It's incredibly heart-warming. In episode "Broadway Malady" Pinky sings a song after he and Brain split-apart about how much he misses him (and Brain hears the entire song and begins crying!). Pinky even gets the entire world's supply of important musical critics to watch Brain's show, much to Brain's surprise. Pinky's dedication to Brain is admirable, and the bond the two share is precious in every single way. Pinky is always there to comfort Brain in his darkest hours. He also gives meaningful gifts to his best friend including the globe keychain from the Christmas episode. Even when Snowball tries to convince Pinky to join him, he remains loyal. Despite the many flaws in their relationship, Pinky truly believes that Brain is the most important mouse in his life and he would do anything for him.

Secret Intentions (Pinky, Elmyra, and The Brain): Below is a picture of Pinky staring at Brain from "The Girl with Nothing Extra."

Pinky imagining him and Brain as a married couple! This is from my favorite PEaTB episode "Pinky's Dream House."

Despite being poorly received by fans, Pinky, Elmyra, and The Brain gave us a few new, very obvious signs of Pinky's possible attraction to Brain. Though he has a gained a massive sassitiude, he still maintains most of his core character traits from the spin-off. The most obvious case of a romantic hint was in the segment "Pinky's Dream House." This gives us an extensive view at Pinky's desires, which include being a housewife to Brain and living a perfect life. He even goes on to sing a song about his dream (the song is really good and well written). This is one of the most ambiguously gay moments in the entire franchise; it's actually stunning that they managed to sneak this past network censors. Pinky wants this to happen, and it isn't a version of him that is female. It's just Pinky wanting to be a housewife to Brain in one of the sweetest segments from this mixed bag of a show. Pinky's wish does come true and he does get to live with Brain for a while, but it doesn't last. It's a darn shame too because it seemed like Brain was starting to enjoy this lifestyle as well. Aside from this, there are a few cute gay stares and a compliment or two on occasion. It's really admirable how Pinky's dream of being a housewife was taken very seriously, and that he still cares for Brain's needs no matter what.

A Troubling Conflict (the Brinky vs. Pinky x Phar Fignewton feud): Below is a picture of Pinky and Phar Fignewton (you get the idea of Brinky by this point).

Yeah, this was a thing. Back before the reboot was made and nearly everyone became a Brinky shipper, there was a small conflict within the fandom between two well-regarded ships. Brinky fans were just starting to migrate their way onto various internet platforms and the ship was gaining steam. However, there were a few people who stuck with the canon ship of Pinky x Phar Fignewton instead. Their reasoning was that the two were essentially "soulmates" with their designs being similar and their interactions all the more precious. For those who aren't aware, Phar Fignewton is a character that was introduced in the segment "Jockey for Position." She'd later appear as only a cameo in Pinky and The Brain segments "The Third Mouse" and "A Meticulous Analysis of History." She made her return in the movie Wakko's Wish, where she had a more extensive role as Pinky's love interest (or so we think). After this movie, she never appeared alongside the mice again, fading into the realm of obscure Animaniacs characters. A lot of people really liked this ship though and fanart made its way onto sites like DeviantArt. However, Pinky x Phar Fignewton fans would often denounce Brinky for interfering with their ship and Brinky fans would do the same to them. It was a giant mess. Unfortunately for the fans of the horse-mouse couple, their ship was laid to rest in non-canon during 2020 when the Animaniacs reboot came out, as she only appeared in a brief cameo. Pinky was now more focused on Brain and Brinky shippers rejoiced as the mice came close to being canon. Though many of us out there do ship Brinky, it's important to remember our fallen alternate ship and the cuteness it brought us. Brinky did win in the end, taking a lot of Pinky x Phar Fignewton shippers away from their previous ship and into a larger group of the fandom.

Put to the Side: (Reboot Season 1): Below is Pinky staring at Brain yet again from "Ex-Mousina" (I wanted to put the cute moment from "Future Brain" here but I think it's more suited to Brain rather than Pinky).

This adorable exchange from episode "Babysitter's Flub."

Here we are, the Animanics reboot. This is where Pinky's sexuality stops being questioned and instead becomes somewhat confirmed. Much to the delight of many people, Pinky's interactions with Brain become a lot less platonic as the series goes along; there are also less straight routes to fall down as well. However, things didn't kick into shape until later seasons. Cute Pinky and Brain moments were put to the side in exchange for focusing on re-introducing the mice to a modern audience in season one. There wasn't a complete non-existence as we got a few adorable stares and even a near-kiss (wait until we get to Brain Week to hear about that one!). The mice did have their fair share of gay scenes such as the X and O confusion bit from "Babysitter's Flub" and the ending of "Future Brain" where Pinky saves Brain from falling into a portal. Pinky's loyalty to Brain is stronger than ever, with Brain being the one that has to go through the test in his relationship with Pinky. Sure Pinky feels a twinge of jealousy when Brain essentially abandons him for a robot, but that ends up in complete disaster. While this season did a great job of re-establishing their relationship, Pinky's presence as a character had to be sacrificed. He barely has any major roles in these first segments, almost seeming like a side or background character at times. He still proves to have a close bond with Brain, always listening to his feelings and offering comfort. Luckily, better things were on the horizon.

New Developments: (Reboot Season 2): Below is a picture of an underrated embrace from "Narf Over Troubled Water."

An extremely popular moment from "Happy Narfday."

Pinky caught gay staring YET AGAIN in "Wakkiver Twist." (It never ends!)

Hand holding from episode "Narf Over Troubled Water." (This episode just has too many moments to count!)

This season managed to blow everyone's expectations out of the water. Not only did we get more undeniable moments of Pinky showcasing his possible feelings for Brain, but Brain seemed to recuperate those affections. Pinky was more used here, him having at least four times as many gay moments as he did in the previous season. He often lovingly gazes at Brain, gives him tight embraces, holds his hand, and even mentions attending a traffic light party and wearing yellow, seemingly implying that he doesn't entirely know what their is relationship at this point. The number of moments in season 2 that made people scream in delight are nearly impossible to count. Here are a few notable ones. In "Backwards Pinky", Pinky often makes vaguely flirtatious comments about Brain, to which Brain responds in annoyance. In "The Flawed Couple", Pinky is seen in the first pilot playing a housewife to Brain in a similar situation to "Pinky's Dream House." Pinky's loyalty to Brain comes full circle in "Run Pinky Run" where he would do anything to save his best friend. "Happy Narfday" probably has some of the most obvious interactions including Pinky calling Brain "darling", Pinky moving Brain around and holding his hand, and even an adorable hug at the segment's end. Pinky compliments Brain and makes pleasant statements to him in "Plight of Hand" and "Mouse Madness"; in the former, he even fights against his own hands in order to save Brain. "Narf Over Troubled Water" was probably the most famous episode when it came to Brinky moments. There was just so much to comprehend at once; it's extremely difficult to try and mark down it all. Pinky comforting Brain after he starts doubting himself, Pinky coming back for Brain after their split-up, and that ENTIRE ending sequence were the most noticeable. These moments were impactful to Pinky's character as they showed his displays of affection and kindness and that their co-dependent relationship was not only important but entirely necessary to the franchise.

Pinky's Sexuality Confirmed? (Reboot Season 3): Below is a picture of Pinky posing in a seductive manner while Brain watches in annoyance. From the segment "How The Brain Thieved Christmas."

A clip of Pinky kissing Brain from "Groundmouse Day!"

A picture of a picture of Pinky kissing Brain from "How to: Friendship."

Pinky holds Brain by the shoulders in an attempt to steady him. From "How The Brain Thieved Christmas."

Pinky after Brain mentions the current situation being "too romantic." He heavily implies that he thinks that he and Brain are also in a romantic situation. I'm not kidding! From segment "Royal Flush."

Pinky is so proud of Brain for taking over the world. From episode "Groundmouse Day."

Pinky touches Brain's image on the screen in an precious manner! From "How to: Friendship."

Pinky holds Brain's hand tightly after destroying AI Julia (the entire moment will be shown when we get to Brain Week!). From episode "All's Fair in Love and Door."

Season three had easily the most on-the-nose segments when it came to hints at Brinky. This is also the season that confirmed to a lot of people that Pinky was not straight. In fact, if you were only to watch this season and nothing else, Pinky could be considered gay. Not only does he never mention a female love interest but he seems to have taken his flirty and more romantic tendencies with Brain to another level. There is an intimate interaction between the mice in every single episode, whether it be settle or extremely suggestive and obvious. Pinky in particular starts to showcase his feelings in a more outrageous way. These moments are just precious. In the first few segments, Pinky is seen doing various things, including staring at Brain, rubbing his head when he gets stressed, touching Brain's image on a screen, envisioning Brain in the stars, making an adorable macaroni photo of him kissing Brain, implying that he thinks that he and Brain are having a romantic moment, relying on Brain to calm him down in a car, and resting his head on Brain's head. The second half of the season showcases Brain seemingly responding to these actions in a not so settle manner (at least from an audience perspective). From Pinky kissing Brain goodnight in one of the most hyped-up moments from the entire reboot to Pinky getting somewhat jealous and hurt when he sees that Brain was married to Julia in an alternate world, these precious scenes come in abundance. The final four episodes contain more development for Brain than Pinky, but they're still noteworthy. In "All's Fair in Love and Door", Pinky looks very surprised when Brain sacrifices himself to save Pinky from AI Julia. After Pinky saves Brain in the end, he even holds Brain's hand tightly, much to the latter's surprise. "How The Brain Thieves Christmas" was more of an exploration of Brain than Pinky, but the taller mouse has some fun moments. He poses "seductively" in front of Brain when modeling for the toy. Pinky gives Brain a meaningful gift: the thing he needed to take over the world. Pinky even says "love you!" to Brain in a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment in the second part. The ending was also quite sweet with Pinky making a ton of gay stares and starting lots of embraces with Brain. In "International Mouse of Mystery", the whole song shows Pinky dropping essentially compliments towards his friend. Pinky also seemingly wants Brain to kiss him at one point, only for Brain to throw him away. Pinky is almost definitely at least some form of LGBTQ+ at this point, due to his relationship with Brain being very strong. Seeing these kinds of interactions between best friends, male best friends nonetheless, is interesting and unique. It makes their friendship/possible romantic relationship all the more special and this is why they have an extensive fanbase of people who really care for them.

Pinky is a Genderfluid Icon (An Overview from "Noah's Lark" to "International Mouse of Mystery"): Below is the very first time we see Pinky in a dress from segment "Noah's Lark" from the original Animaniacs.

Pinky in a dress inspired by the movie Gone With the Wind in episode "Brainie the Poo"

A collection of Pinky's many outfits from the Animaniacs reboot. These are from episodes "Mouse Congeniality", "Royal Flush", and "International Mouse of Mystery."

Pinky is honestly one of the most influential and important characters when it comes to gender identity and just being yourself, at least in the modern media. The running "joke" of him wearing dresses went from being a little gag in various episodes to being an actual part of his personality, revealing that it is something he enjoys quite a lot. And no one every belittles him for his decisions, especially Brain, who only gets annoyed with Pinky's actions rather than his appearance. In fact during some segments, Brain seems to have a reaction to Pinky's looks, especially in "Mouse Congeniality." While many characters characters have cross-dressed in old cartoon such as Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, they were usually to evade the capture of a foe. Pinky does this in a lot of plans, sometimes because he wants to, other times because it's necessary for the plan to work. He didn't have to dress up in "Royal Flush", but he chose to do so. That's amazing. He also doesn't dislike being referred to by she/her pronouns. At first, things didn't start out so revolutionary. Pinky's first time in a dress was in the Animaniacs segment "Noah's Lark." Rather than looking sophisticated, he looks like he's only wearing this as a disguise to go along with Brain's plan to sneak onto the ark. It's portrayed in a silly way, as if Pinky was forced to do this. He does this again in episode "Meet John Brain" when he tries to play the role of Brain's first lady. When the spin-off series was introduced, Pinky's feminine side was exposed in a more natural, less comical way. The dresses he wore were more elaborate, more colorful, and cuter. He'd be seen playing with lipstick in episode "Of Mouse and Man", showing that this was something he did for fun. After that, he can often be seen in dresses during various parody episodes, often playing the female character. He also posed as a female in episode "My Feldmans My Friends" alongside Brain as his spouse. However, in the song "The Really Great Dictator", Pinky is seen in a pink dress in what has become one of his most beloved appearances in dress. Not only does he not wear any makeup or wig for the very first time, but in the context of the song, Pinky didn't have to wear a dress at all. It was his personal decision, rather than one made by force. Despite wearing a ton of dresses, Pinky could rock the masculine wardrobe as well, being seen in suits, tuxedoes, sweaters, and swim trunks throughout the series. In Pinky, Elmyra, and The Brain, Pinky would add more outfits and looks to his collection including he (and Brain!) wearing lipstick and earrings, a Hansen inspired getup, and of course, the well-known headscarf and apron from "Pinky's Dream House" which was discussed earlier. Pinky in dresses would become a popular part of the fandom; however no one was prepared for the glory that would be given in the reboot, around 22 years after Pinky was last seen in feminine clothing.

The reboot would give us incredible moments when it came to Pinky as a character. He could finally be himself and showcase all his marvelous beauty. The first instance of Pinky in an outfit was in season 2 episode "The Flawed Couple" where Pinky is seen in typical housewife attire for a parody of the show The Honeymooners. His most iconic, popular, and recognizable dress was in the episode "Mouse Congeniality" where Pinky joins in a beauty pageant to help Brain in a plan for world domination. Pinky outfit here goes all out, even to the point where Brain is impressed with his work. Pinky is seen here in a blonde wig, has purple eye shadow, long eyelashes, lipstick, a pink dress with sash, long pink gloves, and high-heeled shoes. This is perhaps his most elaborate outfit to date, with him sporting a completely new and impressive appearance. He is also seen in a few alternate costumes including a bikini (finally!) and a baby costume (I don't know you guys). Pinky even manages to win the pageant, albeit not by vote. Him winning the pageant is a very heartfelt and genuinely happy moment. Pinky stating that he wanted to be the most beautiful human woman on the planet was so precious and sweet. It also offers a great look at Pinky, showing that cross-dressing is something he genuinely enjoys and wishes to do. Even though he doesn't wear another dress throughout the rest of the season, Pinky will sometimes randomly have eyelashes or act in a feminine manner. It's so adorable. In season 3, Pinky continues to push and break boundaries, blessing us with two new looks, though they are similar to his previous outfit in "Mouse Congeniality." In "Royal Flush", Pinky is wearing a red version of his previous dress along with purple long gloves, high heels, and another blonde wig. In a few scenes towards the beginning, Pinky has eyelashes. However as the segment continued along, those disappeared permanently, leaving him again without any makeup. He still looks incredible though. It's quite intriguing to see Pinky without makeup in a dress because that hasn't been seen since the 90's. His final outfit comes from the segment "International Mouse of Mystery", which has also gotten some attention after a frame from this cold-opening was leaked in early February 2023. This outfit contains elements of the previous two looks with Pinky wearing a red dress, though it's a darker shade, having dark purple eyeshadow, eyelashes, lipstick, high heels, and a red wig. It's really cute how he tries to play the Bond girl seen in a lot of spy films and he looks really good. Throughout, the entire song portion (Pinky has an angelic voice), Pinky is seen in his getup with Brain even "saving" him at one point. It's super cool that even though three different studious animated these episodes (Digital eMation, Titmouse, Saerom), the dresses and design remained consistent. Though it would've been nice to see Pinky get more dresses to wear, the ones he got proved to be good enough to leave an impact on the community. Every time Pinky is seen in a dress, he's treated with an enormous amount of respect and is showered with praise from all angles. He is a genderfluid icon, and can be inspiring to people in the ways he expresses himself in such a natural way. Even if this show is forgotten, there remains some hope that Pinky will be remembered as an important figure in the realm of gender identity and positivity.

Conclusion: Overall, Pinky exemplifies true greatness when it comes to representation in the LGBTQ+ community. Even though things started off in a nuanced manner, things began to become more obvious as the series went along. Pinky began to showcase his feminine side, wearing dresses and makeup for enjoyment. His apparent attraction to Brain becomes more exaggerated in the reboot. It's so wonderful to see this kind of character in our ever-changing world. Even though most of this involves things that haven't been outright confirmed, it's still important to look though all this change and growth. There are a lot of individuals out there who could and do latch onto Pinky, including myself. While he may seem like a surface-level mouse at first, if you take a deeper look, you may find that he's not as simple as he appears. I hope you took something from this, whether it be some random person on Tumblr charting Pinky's relationship with Brain and with his character growth, or a bit of information you never knew. I look forward to continuing Pinky Week in high spirits. I'll be focusing on specific moments of character development in the next three installments, so be prepared. Anyways, have a great day and/or night and I'll see you next time! Narf!

[kay-elle-cee]

Hi wow hello omg!! Thank you so much for agreeing to do this Ask the Author with me (': I just have a few questions about your first ever smutty fic, Things That Haven't Happened Yet...

What is your personal favorite (real) sex scene in the fic?

Which smut scene do you think is the most well written?

Which smut scene did you write first?

Do you plan to write more smut?

What's your favorite overall scene in the fic?

Whose POV was harder to write?

Knowing the other dreams James and Lily had but you perhaps didn't get to write about, who do you think has a naughtier mind between the two of them?

[SPOILER ALERT] Did they actually eat lunch? James surely needed some carbs by that point but there were other things to finish when the story ended. 👀

my article will be published in vanity fair next week, thx again for interviewing w me <3

Omg Charles 🙈 Thank you so much for all these questions, I'm so so so happy you loved TTHHY and am HAPPY to answer these questions!

Under the cut for spoilers and NSFW discussion!

1. What is your personal favorite (real) sex scene in the fic?

Ah this is so hard, because honestly I think it’s a tied between the first two. Because the first one is just the raw kind of heat and frustrated passion, but the second one is a little of that with the introduction of “oh wait actually maybe that’s not all it is”. If I HAD to choose, I guess I’ll say the second. Would love to hear other people’s opinions!

2. Which smut scene do you think is the most well written?

Okay I had to go back and reread them all and maybe it’s a bit of a cop out but I love the shower scene. It’s less detailed than the others but it’s very clear in my head and I liked the transition between the sex and the more intimate moments.

3. Which smut scene did you write first?

I mostly went in order for this fic! So that first time in the Order library was the first! (The only scene I remember writing out of order was that final scene outside of cottage—I've had that written since before chapter 3 was posted!)

4. Do you plan to write more smut?

I do! It won't be in everything I write, but I do have some other concepts/fics in my drafts. I unexpectedly had a ball with this and it's kind of hard to stop lol.

5. What's your favorite overall scene in the fic?

Shower scene. Hands down now and forever the shower scene. The idea that that's kind of like the shift in everything, and them finishing but just....staying there, connected, kissing (and through those kisses, at least on James' part, communicating things he's too scared to say). And then the follow up and the intimacy of just like, being together and showering together and those kind of gentle, not necessarily sexual touches. UGH. I'm sorry this is the scene I'm most insane over.

6. Whose POV was harder to write?

Weirdly, Lily's? I feel like I've been SO in her head lately for some other projects, it was just nice to be in James' head. And James is very straightforward, I think, with what he feels in this fic, whereas Lily has to come to terms with it. (Not that I don't LOVE writing that, but I think just wanting to make sure I wrote that believably contributed to a little more friction while writing Lily).

7. Knowing the other dreams James and Lily had but you perhaps didn't get to write about, who do you think has a naughtier mind between the two of them?

Okay so. I think for Lily for so long this has just (in her conscious mind) been about physical attraction. Her garden dream is the most...I'll say out there of the fantasies—all of James' were private moments (even the drunken alleyway snog), but Lily's garden moment was I think the riskiest we saw (OUT in the OPEN). So WITH all that preamble, I think Lily's dreams were a little more out there and riskier (against a window, chances of being caught, etc) BUT I think she's a bit better at controlling herself once they're together, and it's James that can't keep his hands off her and possibly instigates more of those scenarios.

8. [SPOILER ALERT] Did they actually eat lunch? James surely needed some carbs by that point but there were other things to finish when the story ended. 👀

Listen, maybe it's because I'm old (compared to them) but I do think they ate lunch. I think it was a very quick lunch and Lily was adorably a little nervous having him in her little flat, but James was just kind of in awe of this place he'd only seen like once irl and then reoccurring in her dreams of them. When they were done with lunch (or ate what they both deemed was 'enough for now'), she showed him her appreciation for the garden. They did not make it to her bedroom.

Thank you SO much for these questions, Charles! They were so fun to answer and I'm always happy to scream about my fics into the void. 🥰

[purecommemasolitude]

outsiders week 2024 progress report to hold myself accountable

Sunday, Nov 3 - "gang" or "Ponyboy"

already chosen the fic for this one, it's the one i've been working on for the longest (literally since at least june last year) and i am soo close to being done. there's just one exchange i need to refine because i'm not satisfied with it. but it's book-verse about ponyboy after the track tryouts the same year as everything goes down* not getting the placement he wants and finding a moment of understanding with darry about it because darry's the only one who #gets it. this fic was spun out of that one line in the book where ponyboy says soda never got the importance him or darry placed on athletics

*when i was combing the book to figure out the timeline of track/what grade he was in there was a) never a concrete answer b) a lot of things that could be interpreted in conflicting ways, so i just went with he's a sophomore who was on the track team last year and track tryouts happen in like may or whatever

Monday, Nov 4 - "gold" or "Cherry"

there is a fic already started that's hopefully going to be the one for this day, but also it's probably gonna be long and it's an exploration of musical!cherry's turmoil after bob dies seeing the witch hunt against the greasers (basically it's inspired by the fact that she takes her promise ring off after JFT and not after the break up) and i want to try and do my vision™ justice instead of rushing it so this may not be done in time we'll see. if it's not done i may extract the bit where she finds out about two-bit's jumping from marcia and just post that because it's the part closest to being completed

Tuesday, Nov 5 - "rumble" or "Sodapop"

so i have two started but incomplete fics that could go for this day. one is following musical!soda & darry at home in tulsa while ponyboy is out in windrixville. it's probably my first choice, but this one is also an i don't want it to rush and lose some of its potential in the writing process so we'll see. the other one is a stevepop fic that's largely centered around sodapop's queerness (it's basically a 5 + 1 of members of the gang realizing/revealing that they know that he's not straight. evie is in it with her and steve as each other's beards and she's the catalyst for soda's own realization that he likes men)

Wednesday, Nov 6 - "hair grease" or "Darry"

fic chosen and started for this one too! (this is what i was up until like 2:00 yesterday working on 🤪) it's musicalverse again and it's gonna follow a possible explanation for why darry's called darrel now, aka him slowly transitioning to going by darrel after the death of their parents and the reasoning and rationale for that change

Thursday, Nov 7 - "rodeo" or "Bob"

...okay for this one i truly have no idea. i want to keep it vaguely on-theme for the prompts even if i end up not following them, but the two other soc-related fics i have simmering are ones that i want to also not rush and really make sure they're the best i can get them (asian!paul exploration and marbit's journey post-book) so probably not those two tbh. two ideas that i have are snapshots of various characters reacting to his death, though i haven't picked a universe for that yet, or something following the non-character prompts for once and maybe some of the characters as kids at a rodeo? i'll be honest the only rodeo experiences i've had that i can really remember are riding the docile horses on like a real-horse carousel so basically i'd just be planting outsiders characters into that experience

it is also possible that i'll end up with nothing (midterms go crazy), in which case i'll post my backup that is semi-completed, a whooole bunch of outsiders characters recreated in this picrew

Friday, Nov 8 - "tuff" or "Dally"

this one is not only decided upon but finished if y'all can believe it. i might make some revision edits before i actually post it but this one is a product of me going insane over the course of three days and writing a character exploration of dally on the train tracks delving into his relationship throughout his life with suicidal ideation

Saturday, Nov 9 - "vacant lot" or "Johnny"

unfortunately once again no idea lads. actually i lied there is something but it doesn't follow any of the prompts very much so we'll see. following the prompts i have no idea, most i've got is maybe a short thing about johnny some quiet night in the vacant lot (both prompts in one fell swoop). maybe he's looking at the stars idk. if it's the other one, which could also function as a backup for any of the days, it's a sickfic about two-bit that's actually just an excuse to write two-bit appreciating his mom. the google doc for that one is called sick TB mother appreciation to illustrate how central that is to the fic

if you've read all the way to the end hello 👋 and feel free to send any thoughts or questions my way! i need to lock in and start hustling on these soon and interaction is always a great way to improve willpower

[a-iya]

Hi again (⌒∇⌒)ノ

Sooo how was your trip? 😃 I hope you had fun!

omg hiii!! thanks for checking in <3

I had so much fun! I'm looking back at your previous ask (and my answer) and I'm glad my fear of getting jumped/stolen from did not come true LMAO. There was so much to do in London, it was impossible to try and do everything, but we still ended up doing quite a bit! We visited all the big touristy areas (Big Ben, London Eye, Tower of London, a few museums, all the bridges, etc). I also got to visit our office location there which was pretty cool. It felt so safe and public transit (the "tube"/underground) was so convenient and frequent and nice!! I loved it so much and I was right to be excited about it. It's truly on a different level than anything we have, there really is no comparison.

We also had afternoon tea and it was such a cute experience! Albeit super expensive 😭 Literally came out to almost 90 GBP/person which is kind of insane to me but 💀 When in London I guess lmao. It was raining on and off the whole time we were in London but we spent a few hours just enjoying some chill time eating scones and stuff so it worked out perfectly. I also came back with a ton of tea which I'm super looking forward to trying!!

Wicked was also amazing. I was unfortunately dozing off for some of it because I was dead tired from doing so much 😭 but I was fully awake for the second act and by the end I was literally in tears cause the performances made me so emotional!! My cousin loved the University of Cambridge (and rightfully so, it was beautiful). The campus is huge (it's a bunch of different colleges spread throughout the town of Cambridge) and they had so much to offer.

My bank account is hurting but it was so worth!! I had an amazing time and I'd love to go back in the future when I've built my travel funds back up lmao. My only regret was not trying fish and chips while we were there but our bodies couldn't handle that level of inflammation 😵‍💫 like my lips were literally cracked and drying by our second to last day there. All in all, I'm so relieved the trip went smoothly. This past week post coming back has been a nightmare with all the work (and also Tumblr posts hehe) I've had to catch up on though. I'm probably just going to sloth for the rest of the weekend.

Thank you again for always interacting with me!! This is the most I've talked with anyone on here like ever and it makes so happy <3

[scrapyardboyfriends]

2015 was golden, 2016 was great and solid though it had its weak points, but we got the abuse storyline and soap week, 2017… was a lot of hooey but while I may not have liked a lot of what they did, the characters still felt relatively well-rounded even if everything went to shit, and we got to see Robert go off the rails, which was kinda fun, 2018 gave us the lead up to the reunion and the actual reunion, which were masterpieces, and then we got serial killer Lachlan, which did drag out a long time and we got all that weird and awful “Rebecca’s been kidnapped! Rebecca’s being held captive in the woods! Rebecca’s dead! No wait she’s being held captive by an evil nurse!” bs but we got some cute character moments before that and Robert in the conclusion was fun. I think that’s the last time I remember liking what they had going on

Kate Oats had her problems but overall her storytelling style was much tighter and better paced than anything that has come after it. She overused her favorites and had her insane Thursday doubles and Robert got a little too 2D villain sometimes but still, the show was solid in those days. 2015 represents that well.

2016 struggled in the middle due to Kate leaving and Iain coming in, while he got his ideas going. But the lead up to and the main event of ssw 2016 was amazing.

Now while I certainly think Iain's time was better than the terrible trio's, I do think he had a lot more faults. But at the very least you could always count on his spectacle stuff to be pretty good. It was his day to day storytelling that often got super repetitive because he really liked to drag his stories out until he could do his big climactic conclusion. It's just that those conclusions did a lot to make up for the slog before it.

The terrible trio wouldn't know a good climactic conclusion if it fell on them like a caravan.

But the show definitely suffered under Iain's time. 2017 was a bit of a mess overall and 2018 was a slog when it came to having the Bails story, the Grace story, Sarah's heart story and the Lachlan serial killer story all running concurrently.

From a Robron standpoint, 2015 is just a lot of insane fun. 2016 bookends with great stories with the first chill period in between during the producer transition. 2017 is messy as hell but I still like the Hell Plot overall from a Robron standpoint. Rebecca sucked but whether they lucked into it or not, Robron had a great arc that finished up in 2018. Robron definitely got lost in the middle portion of 2018 because all of those other stories were going on and they weren't the center of attention anymore...sadly. But at least the reunion and the wedding were lovely and perfect.

And then the terrible trio took over and everything fell apart. They don't know how to pace a story. They don't know how to craft a character arc. They're way too focused on the next headline and generating hype and buzz to actually care about the characters. It's why everything feels so random and out of the blue or gets dropped abruptly only to be suddenly picked up months later. It's just a disaster. I'm thrilled Jane is gone now but the other two need to go too. And they need to bring in a new person in general because this show is crying out for a new creative vision.

[borkthemork]

Started watching Miraculous after you reblogged a few related posts. Though I haven't gotten past season 2 yet, it looks like there's a pretty stark division between season 1/2 and the later seasons, and apparently season 4 gets real bad? Seems like you're all the way through - is it worth the time sink to reach what looks like some Cool Shit from the movie?

So the thing with Miraculous the series and Miraculous the movie would be that they're both separate entities, and have different canons. You don't have to watch the series to understand the movie, since they basically have different characterizations, interpretations, and overall divergent tones. Which is a good thing, because I would recommend Miraculous the series on the condition that someone recognizes that the writing is absolutely buck wild, and it's based on how much you're willing to cope through its buck wildness to see what's happening. So, when it comes to asking your question, Anon, I would have to go a bit more in-depth to at least showcase which one I would recommend based on your preferences. We can start with the movie, since it's quicker. [Warnings for some spoilers in the series, including the last season.] The Miraculous movie is pretty good. I can say that the composition, songs, fight scenes, and animation are quite beautiful, and a definite recommend for anyone who wants to get some understanding of the series, without being obligated to watch the show, and prefer a more "polished" look. Excellent designs, gorgeous lighting, I cannot stop thinking about the composition toward the piano scene. Stunning. It does lose characterization or mix up the personalities of the characters to make the story fit for a movie run — unfortunately, Plagg has been hit by this the most, alongside a few other characters like Alya. Marinette and Adrien, specifically, have had their personalities tweaked to match the tone of the movie, and overall, make the film complete, yet lose some of the complexity that comes from the series. If you're looking for a more action-focused, shonen-esque experience with a complete end, that would be the media I would recommend. If you're looking for a more magical girl-esque experience, with writing that makes you wonder what type of crack the team was on to give me an existential crisis while having this conveyed through zany shenanigans, the series would be more to your alley. There has been some discourse in the fandom regarding the quality of each season, and to be fair, a lot of this comes down to stuff I'm not really much invested in. Miraculous, at its heart, is a romance action show, so characterization and the romance (which includes the love square outside the two characters) will be that focus. Some characters that fandom want redeemed won't be redeemed, or are annoying, and I'm fine with that. As a casual viewer, I don't find myself seeing them as heavy flaws, unless the writing makes it too overbearing. I will note that, Anon, you're definitely correct that there is a difference between Miraculous's first two seasons compared to the current ones, and I think that's probably the main appeal for me as someone who listened in and then decided to watch again, since the tone transition is entertaining to watch during the course of the show. The seasons begin to go into a downward spiral in the best way possible. Details from past seasons get brought up. More of the monster-of-the-week is shown, and yet it gets more sinister with Hawkmoth's new power-ups and allies. You go from Chloe being your typical rich character in a show, to being manipulated in a massive political game to take over France using robotic infantry by the end of the latest season. You have characters like Plagg and Tikki — tiny creatures with the powers of gods — making multiple jokes of how powerful they are and sometimes how apathetic they can be to human suffering, and then have that be an actual pay-off within the show. This series is wacky, insane, and yet I can't help but enjoy the journey on how it dives into more serious undertones while also keeping its more wacky side to it all. It might not be everyone's tea, but if you're curious on how Season One went from that to (Motions to Season 5) this, then I think the journey is worth it.

[cboffshore]

Hey, just wanted to pop in and say I really enjoyed your essays on the Skybound rewrites! I was genuinely hooked (pardon the pun) on them the whole time, and it honestly terrified me to see that that was what you considered some of your *less* academic works 😅.

It's given me a whole lot to think about regarding my own views on Skybound (had forgotten a lot of those scenes happened), and fanfiction as a whole, especially since Ninjago is one of the few fandoms I've actually been there to experience. I also really enjoyed your writing style itself: you're very succinct and use metaphors to to convey your points brilliantly! Especially your introduction about hooks in writing transitioning directly into the way people start their fics? That was genius.

Sorry if I don't have a whole lot to say about your points qualitatively yet - it's been a long day and I'm going to have to sit on my thoughts a while, maybe reread those a couple of times. But I just wanted to say you're a fantastic writer, and that was one of the best written fandom metas I've seen :D

Before I respond properly, a note: this might be the first time I have EVER been called succinct. Definitely a welcome comment, but I sure didn't see that coming!

Anyway - I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Seriously! That essay series was written over the course of a very tense few weeks, where for some reason I was RIDICULOUSLY upset about the trend (iirc there was a sudden swell in updates on the case study fics and others and that's probably what did it). Fortunately, as with my Skybound fanfic and other analysis, I write best when I'm ticked.

That essay had been simmering for years, honestly. I never said it outright in the essay, but my baseline reason for writing it was a selfish one: I AM SO BORED. Skybound has all of these fascinating angles that so few people touch (one of these days I WILL make a recommended reading list for the works that do branch out!), and yet the vast majority of what I see is just... that. The gore, the litanies of tags, the same stuff played on the same stage with only a few minor tweaks. Eugh. (This goes for fanart too, btw - is it recognizably Skybound fanart if you don't have Jay bleeding from one or both eyes?)

I had better pivot before I go off again and start doing extended metaphors, but yeah - it's a bonkers topic for me. I love Skybound precisely because of how insane it is WITHOUT having to bury it under layers of headcanon, you know?

Once again - thank you so much!!! If you ever need someone to yak your ear off about Skybound, or if you've got any other questions about the essay, you know where to find me. (I'm also good company for the rest of Ninjago, but that's my area of expertise. That and a tiny specific chunk of Dragons Rising...)

[benjis-journey]

10.18.24 (Day 8)

Today I propped my phone up on my bookshelf and recorded myself taking testosterone as I've normally done these past few days, but I couldn't stop crying in my recording. I'd just gotten word that a very dear friend of mine has the chance of moving halfway across the globe. At first, I was thrilled because I knew how happy they'd be in the country they'd find themselves in. They seemed to have a blast on their vacation over the summer after all. But I felt alarmingly sad immediately after. I came to the realization that them moving away meant I won't know when I'll get the chance to see them again. They assured me that if that was the case, they'd come back to the US and visit every couple years. That only made me cry more.

When we first met in person, we'd been chatting for a little over a year. A lot has happened in that time. We made some great friends and fond memories together. I remember the day we finally met in person they sprinted at the sight of me and practically lunged at me for a hug. Their happiness was infectious and we had one of the greatest days of our lives. I'm not sure I can do once every couple years. I could barely do once after an entire year, doubling or even tripling that would drive me insane. It's been almost a month since the day we met in person and I still miss them just as terribly as I did the moment we parted ways and went home.

I was a bit awkward during our conversation this morning. I wanted to tell them I'd be devastated if they left, but I didn't want to sound selfish. So I said nothing. If I'd known this was a possibility, I would've come back to visit the very second I was able to. Even now I'm considering rescheduling and rearranging future plans just to go see them. No, that seems desperate. I can't disappoint anyone else I'd been planning to see this month. I'm still very much looking forward to all that. But I'm scared. I know all this about them moving is still up in the air and nothing has been confirmed, but I'm still scared.

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that my friend did move away. Would we still be friends in two years' time? A lot can happen then. Anything, really. I'm scared that something might happen and we won't be friends anymore. I'm scared that if they move away, they won't ever come back. They're my best friend, one of my biggest support systems. They were ecstatic to hear I started transitioning. They've supported me long before I started and know just how much I struggled to get where I am right now. I'm scared to lose that, to lose them. I should speak up and say something. I really should, but I'm just so afraid of sounding selfish and weak. I know that if they leave they'd be happy, I couldn't possibly deny that. Whatever happens, I hope we'll still be friends.

In other news, today marks an entire week since I've started taking testosterone. I thought if I were to cry today, it'd be because of that. I'm sure I'll have plenty of tears for the next milestone, though. After all, I've been awfully emotional lately. The journey continues!

—Benjiꕤ

[didnt-hear-idsb-live-again]

hi i know this is so unbelievably random but i'm going to be moving to asia next year, and i want to visit australia over xmas 2024 (ik it's not that close haha but it's the closest i'll ever be). i'll probably only be there for a week max, so where would you recommend visiting. i know you've been there, and i was just wondering if you had thoughts

Hi omg yes I’d be happy to help!!! Also I’m really stoked for you bc this was the exact time of year I went for the first time and you’re going to have an incredible time!!!

If you only have a week, I’d recommend picking one of 2 itineraries, depending on what you want to see.

1) fly into Melbourne. The climate for this one will be similar to going to California in the spring. Melbourne is an amazing city (I like to describe it as ‘if NYC were in a utopia’ because that’s the vibes it has lol) there is ALWAYS something really cool and typically free going on city-wide, it’s a great walk-able city with FREE public transit, so much to do, and just the best city experience Australia has to offer in my opinion. I’d recommend spending 2ish days in Melb and then doing a road trip on what’s called The Great Ocean Road. If you’ve ever heard of the Pacific Coast Highway in the US, it’s like that but like. On every steroid there is. The entire drive, you’re along these MASSIVE ocean cliffs on one side with the most turquoise water you’ve ever seen, and one of the worlds oldest rainforests on the other, culminating in these rock formations called The Twelve Apostles that are just. Look them up, it’s insane. While it will be likely too cold to swim in this water (it’s the Arctic Ocean!), there’s lots of great camping and there’s wildlife everywhere. There was one rest stop where I got out of the car and 2 birds that were every color of the rainbow landed on my head; there’s a campsite I stopped at where instead of waking up to birds chirping, you woke up to the sound of koalas. There’s a wildlife reserve where I played with dingos and just got to hang out and pet them while they sat on my lap. There’s a golf course frequented by kangaroos where you can rent golf carts just to drive around and look at them. One morning a baby kangaroo was playing 2 feet from my tent. You can zip line through the rainforest and the food at every random cafe I stopped at is some of the best food I’ve ever had. Then on your way back along the inland route there’s Grampians National Park, which just has AMAZING rock formations, great hikes, the coolest views ever. If you just drove the whole thing and didn’t stop it’d be about 8 hours; I did it in 5 days and they were hands down the best 5 days of my life.

2) For a more tropical experience, you’ll want to fly into Brisbane. While I don’t love it as much as Melbourne, it’s a VERY cool city and the best and most iconic thing about it is the MASSIVE city pool right along the river that winds through the city. The way they decorate for Christmas is also really really fun. The best thing about Brisbane is all the stuff surrounding it: Gold Coast to the south has really amazing beaches and Miami kind of vibes, and Sunshine Coast to the north is one of my favorite places in Australia (fun fact I actually almost went to college there). Sunshine Coast is where Steve Irwin’s zoo is and where everyone takes photos holding koalas, altho it’s a bit overpriced for the name recognition compared to the places WAY far north you can go if you have time - it is fun and a great experience! In the Sunny Coast also are the Glass House Mountains, which are these massive pointed towering stones that jut out of the tropical farmland from nowhere. It’s really cool and really beautiful. You’ll find TONS of fresh fruit stands in this area, and driving through it at night is just incredible. A bit north of this is Noosa National Park, which is home to really iconic subtropical beaches, super cute but like, kinda out there beach towns, such amazing warm water to swim in, and a really good amount of hiking - it’s the gateway to Great Sandy National Park, which is home to some of the most beautiful white sand I’ve ever seen, where you can feed wild dolphins every morning and kayak around them in some of the bluest water you’ve ever seen. You can drive north for as long as you have time, and it just keeps getting more tropical and more beautiful the farther up you go.

To be honest I would not bother fucking with Sydney which probably seems like a crazy thing to say but here’s my reasoning. There’s only 2 things to do there that feel extremely like you’re in Australia and not any other major US location, and that’s the Sydney Opera house and Bondi Beach, both of which imo are SUPER touristy and not extremely memorable outside of like “did the thing took a picture here, see I went to Australia”. There are touristy bits about the places I recommended too, but they lean more towards Australian tourists as opposed to world tourists who just turn it into a people zoo. Yes there is hiking and nice beaches a couple hours outside the city, but there’s more remarkable hiking and more remarkable beaches other places. It’s like yeah you COULD spend a day in NYC and spend it at time square because that’s The Thing To Do, or you could just. Go to the cool and really memorable parts and have better experiences.

I hope this all helps and Aussie mutuals please feel free to corroborate this hehe I feel like it’s accurate