#it gets worse when we ship or are in that like. middle stage where its like. oh something /could/ develop from this but i am a coward to

[spiderdreamer-blog]

Treasure Planet (2002)

The year 2002 was a weird time for the Disney animation studios, to put it mildly. After the legendary stretch of films that constituted the Disney Renaissance-The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King-the yearly animated offerings were still making money, but they largely weren’t outright phenomenons anymore. Worse, competition had arisen both within and without: Pixar had totally changed the game with 1995′s revolutionary Toy Story, but the fancy new CGI bells and whistles were making more money than the studio’s traditional 2D animation and seemingly had more staying power to boot. Former studio chairman Jeffrey Katzenberg had left to form DreamWorks with legends Steven Spielberg and David Geffen thanks to a highly publicized power struggle with CEO Michael Eisner after the 1994 death of company president Frank Wells. They were succeeding too, with 2001′s Shrek being a (ahem) monster hit in particular. Eisner’s grip on the Magic Kingdom was slipping after this and other costly blunders like the creation of Euro Disney/Disneyland Paris, and he knew it. In the middle of all this, one of the most expensive films in the company’s history, a passion project for directors Ron Clements and John Musker, was nearing the end of production: a sci-fi adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic adventure novel Treasure Island. How does it hold up? Well, if you’re like me and grew up with this, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, and The Road to El Dorado on loop, the answer is “I cannot be remotely objective about that”, but let’s get down into the nitty gritty on why this movie rules.

I suppose in one sense, I don’t necessarily have to offer a plot summary. If you’ve somehow gone your entire life without knowing the basics of Treasure Island and its myriad adaptations, I’d love to see the realtor quote on the rock you’re staying under. Disney itself is no stranger to the property as a studio. The book served as the basis for Walt’s first big swing into live action territory in 1950, and quite a good one at that in its surprisingly faithful rendering of Stevenson’s red-blooded adventure. Not the least of which was Robert Newton’s immediately iconic, gloriously hammy West Country accent-fied portrayal of Long John Silver; if you’ve ever wondered why movie pirates sound the way they do, he’s patient zero. And of course there’s Muppet Treasure Island, a childhood favorite that has a surprising amount in common with Planet in terms of some of its adaptation choices (namely, making Mr. Arrow a stern, professional sailor rather than the drunken layabout of the novel).

Where Planet benefits the most is the meta-knowledge one is bringing to the story and updating it to fit within the lines of a modern feature film. Structurally, it’s fairly faithful as we meet Jim Hawkins (Joseph Gordon Levitt, still most famous for 3rd Rock from the Sun at the time) at the Benbow Inn and he obtains the fabled treasure map from Billy Bones (Patrick McGoohan, giving us a great death rattle in about 2 minutes of screentime), thus prompting a treasure voyage. But even in this early stage, there are smart changes: Dr. Doppler (David Hyde Pierce) is a combination of Dr. Livesey and Squire Trelawney so we can cut down on characters, for instance.

And most crucially, rather than a pre-teen, Jim is now a teenaged delinquent whose father abandoned him and his mother Sarah (Laurie Metcalf); the thirst for adventure and Treasure Planet itself is established in a tooth-rottingly sweet prologue, but now we have extra context and motivation in addition to the destruction of the inn. Jim wants to make his mother proud and feel like he’s worth something. Then, when we get to the ship, not only do we get the great reinvention of Captain Smollet in Amelia (Emma Thompson at her Emma Thompson-iest), Silver (Brian Murray) too is enriched by foreknowledge. Silver’s treacherous intentions are laid bare within minutes of meeting him rather than saving that turn for Stevenson’s famous apple barrel scene. But this adds tension rather than subtract. Now we wonder less that Silver WILL turn mutinous and more what it means for his and Jim’s relationship; the apple barrel becomes a lightning rod. He becomes an even more intriguing character as a result, one of the few genuinely morally ambiguous villains in Disney’s history that makes some surprising choices by the end.

If there’s one arguable flaw in the adaptation, it’s the depiction of B.E.N. (Martin Short), a robotic take on Flint’s old crewmate Ben Gunn. He’s a clever idea conceptually, especially with the angle of his missing memory circuit that hides a deadly reveal, and I like his gangly CGI animation. But he fits into a trend Disney was leaning into in terms of trying to recapture the lightning in a bottle that was Robin Williams’ Genie in Aladdin where they hired big comedy actors to come in and riff as the sidekicks so that they could boost the trailers with funny bits and ensure the parents their kids wouldn’t be bored. Sometimes this worked out splendidly (Eddie Murphy’s Mushu in Mulan is as iconic as his Axel Foley or Donkey in Shrek, Rosie O’Donnell and Wayne Knight fit in shockingly well in Tarzan), other times...less so (hi gargoyles in Hunchback and Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis just doing Bob and Dave McKenzie again as the moose in Brother Bear). To be clear, there’s nothing outright wrong with the character as presented. I think Short is a deserved comedy legend who also really needs clear direction so he doesn’t get lost in a sea of hamminess, but this is certainly a better showing of his eager-to-please neuroses than the likes of The Pebble and the Penguin. And he only comes in at the third act point, so there’s less time for him to feel jarring. But he doesn’t feel strictly necessary in retrospect, especially when the movie is already funny in cleverer ways (”Well, uh... thank you. Thank you very much! Well, I have a lot of help to offer anatomically— amanamonically— as-astronomically face smack“), and we have a Designated Kid Appeal Merch Sidekick in the form of Morph. Two feels like pushing it.

Of course, even if the story had been merely okay instead of better than average, this would still be one of the most visually striking films the studio’s ever released. Taking cues from the Brandywine school of illustration, the colors are lush and rich, and the alien character designs are appropriately outsized on such a grand stage. The action scenes are clever and creative throughout, especially the escape from the inevitable mutiny and a nail-biting outrun-the-clock climax.  The CGI integration is a little easier to spot 20 years on, but the Deep Canvas process allows for all manner of imaginative spacefaring visuals, the Victorian-by-way-of-Star-Trek aesthetic (sailing ships in outer space is exactly the level of FUCKING AWESOME it needs to be), and especially Silver’s cyborg limbs married to his broad 2D frame.

Though it certainly helps when you have master animator Glen Keane supervising one of his best performances, marrying the subtlety and grace he’d achieved with characters like Aladdin and Tarzan with the bravado of his earlier villains like Ratigan or Sykes in Oliver & Company. Under his hands, Silver can go from garrulous and brash to quiet menace or reflection in the blink of an eye. John Ripa (recently co-director on Raya and the Last Dragon) has a tougher assignment with Jim considering he’s something of a straight man, but he rises to the occasion with touches like a ‘face mask’ adding to Jim’s brooding nature that gradually fades as he opens up emotionally. Ken Duncan adds another great heroine to his quiver after Megara and Jane in Amelia, especially with the cat-like features, and Sergio Pablos’ Doppler is frequently a comic highlight with his wild gestures and facial grimaces that anticipates the animator’s work on Klaus.

Things are equally great on the aural end. A year after his iconic work on Atlantis, James Newton Howard gives us another great old-school adventure score with Celtic/Gaelic influences that also gets rockin’ at points with electric guitars punctuating Jim’s most awesome moments. Yes, it’s very XTREEEME and 2002, no, I do not care. (YMMV more on John Rzeznik’s “I’m Still Here” musical montage, but I think it’s awesome) The voice cast is also well chosen in its mix of then-current-stars and more unusual talent. Levitt, as with Ripa’s animation, opts to underplay, but he’s far from flat and manages some moving moments of tenderness and anger. Murray, primarily a theater actor in life, goes for the opposite approach, marrying big theatrical emotions with Silver’s larger-than-life personality, but never loses sight of the character and is quite affecting in the film’s denoument. Pierce inevitably brings a bit of his Niles Crane to Doppler, but since that’s one of the best sitcom characters in history, I can hardly complain, and he gets the lion’s share of the film’s most memorable lines, including a priceless Star Trek shoutout. Thompson is stiff-upper-lip dry wit personified, and she gives an interesting tinge to a budding romance in the latter portions of the film. Metcalf only has a few key scenes, but builds an effective portrait of a struggling single mother within them; thanks to her, you really end up rooting for Jim and Sarah to make amends. Rounding out the numbers are Michael Wincott giving a scary-ass pirate filter to his iconic gravel-pit voice as the villainous Scroop (who gets a memorable spin on the typical Disney villain death-by-falling trope), Roscoe Lee Browne’s stentorian bass giving Arrow a do-not-fuck-with-this-guy dignity, and ringers like Corey Burton and Rodger Bumpass as a pair of robo-cops.

Treasure Planet’s story had a bit of a sad ending at first. Unlike the same year’s immediate hit Lilo & Stitch, it was a notorious flop financially, especially given how expensive it was to produce, and hastened the death of big 2D theatrical films at the studio who pioneered them. But it’s lived on admirably, and even with its flaws (I think we also could have done without the fart noises alien), I count it among my favorites. I miss this period of Disney theatrical animation, where strict formula gave way to experimentation and weirdness. We should do that again every so often.

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Out Of Time ~ 1

MAIN MASTERLIST

Out Of Time MASTERLIST

Word Count: 1,750ish

Summary: World War Two weighs on the lives of the Rogers Twins and Bucky Barnes.

Warnings: none

She was running late for the movie. She was suppose to meet Steve and Bucky there after work, but her shift hadn’t gone as planned and she was needed longer. Figures. The girls after her could never get their crap together. She had almost reached the theater when she heard familiar voices in the alleyway. She turned into the alleyway to see her small twin brother, Steven Grant Rogers, and his taller best friend, James Buchanan Barnes. More popularly known as Bucky.

“I had him on the ropes,” Steve stated, clearly catching his breath. 

She figured Bucky had stopped Steve in the middle of a fight. Her brother was always getting into fights, trying to do what he thought was best. Protecting people. She noticed Bucky was in a military uniform as he reached down and picked up some forms off the ground. He hadn’t told her that he had gotten his orders. She wondered when he’d be shipping out. Her heart splintered at thought of Bucky going to war. It broke at the thought that he may never come back. She loved him. But she’s never been able to tell him that, he’s too much of a ladies man to settle down with her.

“How many times is this?” Bucky asked as he picked up and read what seemed to be an enlistment form. “Oh, you’re from Paramus now? You know it’s illegal to lie on the enlistment form. And seriously, Jersey?”

“You get your orders?” Steve quickly changed the subject once he realized what Bucky was wearing.

“The one-o-seventh. Sergeant James Barnes. Shipping out for England first thing tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” She gasped. The men quickly turned around to notice Y/N Rogers, standing there, trying to hold back tears. “You’re shipping out tomorrow? And you’re only telling us that today?”

“Y/N, doll,” Bucky took a step towards her. 

She took a step back, shaking her head. “And you,” Y/N moved her focus to her brother, pointing a shaking finger at him. “Stop trying to get yourself killed.”

“I should be going,” Steve stated firmly. “It’s only right.”

“No. You should be staying here, with me. I’ve already lost mom and dad, Bucky’s shipping off tomorrow, I’m not about to lose you too.”

“Y/N/N,” Bucky stepped forward again, “You have to understand, I wanted to tell you but I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“And telling me the night before you shipped off was going to be any better?”

“Can we not spend my last night fighting?” Bucky reached for her hands. “Let’s get Steve cleaned up and then we’re going to have some fun.”

“Where are we going?” Steve asked.

Bucky handed Steve the newspaper he had under his arm. “The future.”

The three of them went back to the Rogers apartment, allowing Y/N and Steve to get cleaned up. After they made their way to the Stark Expo. 

“I don’t see what the problem is,” Bucky shook his head as he spoke. “You’re about to be the last eligible man in New York. You know, there’s three and a half million women here.”

“Well, I’d settle for just one,” Steve stated.

“Good thing I took care of that.” Bucky waved to a woman who wasn’t standing too far off.

“Hey, Bucky!” The woman called.

“What did you tell her about me?” Steve asked.

“Only the good stuff,” Bucky answered.

“Where’s your date, Buck?” Y/N asked. She was used to be the fifth wheel.

“I figured that you could be, doll,” Bucky smiled, putting an arm around Y/N’s waist, pulling her into him. “It is my last night and I wanted to spend it with my best girl.”

Y/N looked down, intensely blushing. He always knew how to make her get flustered. Though, she figured he never realized what he was doing to her. Y/N was wrong though. Bucky loved her too, but was just too afraid to say anything. Especially now, since he was being shipped off to war. 

The four walked towards the stage just in time for the famous Howard Stark to waltz out.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Howard Stark called the audiences attention, “what if I told you that in just a few short years, your automobile won’t even have to touch the ground at all.” The ladies that were helping him, took off the wheels of the car that was on stage. “Yes. Thanks, Mandy… With Stark robotic reversion technology you’ll be able to do just that.” Howard then turned a few nobs and flipped a switch, causing the car to begin hovering off the ground. 

“Holy cow,” Bucky said in awe.

But almost as soon as it began hovering, the car suddenly started malfunctioning causing the car to fall back on stage. Y/N jumped back into Bucky, cause him to hold her closer than he was before. While this was happening, Steve noticed a recruitment center and snuck off there. His date wasn’t paying him any mind anyway. The girls Bucky chose never did. They were always too interested in his best friend.

“I did say a few years, didn’t I?” Howard tried to laugh the malfunction off, causing the audience to laugh as they applauded.

“Hey, Steve,” Bucky called, turning to look at him, “what do you say we treat these girls—“ He stopped when he noticed Steve wasn’t there anymore. 

“Where’d he go?” Y/N asked.

The recruitment center caught Bucky’s eye. “I have a feeling I know where.”

Y/N followed his line of sight, letting out a sigh when the center came into view. She just couldn’t understand why her brother wanted to join the war efforts so bad. He’s never been in the best of health and leaving would be leaving her alone.

“Let’s go get him,” Bucky urged Y/N forward, Steve’s date following. 

As they reached the recruitment center, Steve’s date stopped aways outside of it, allowing Bucky and Y/N to go in together. They found Steve Looking into a mirror that turned the person looking into it into a soldier. He was too small to even line up to it.

“Steve,” Y/N called her brother to attention. He turned around to see her sad eyes.

“Come on,” Bucky said. “You’re kind of missing the point of a double date. We’re taking the girls dancing.”

“You go ahead,” Steve said, “I’ll catch up with you.”

“You’re really gonna do this again?”

“Well, its only fair. I’m gonna try my luck.

“As who? Steve from Ohio?”

“They’ll catch you, Steve,” Y/N said. “Or worse, they’ll actually take you.”

“Look, I know you two don’t think I can do this—”

“This isn’t a back alley, Steve,” Bucky was getting frustrated. “It’s war!”

“I know it’s war. You don’t have to tell me.”

“Why are you so keen to fight? There are so many important jobs.”

“What am I gonna do? Collect scrap metal—“

“Yes!”

“—in my little red wagon?”

“Why not?”

“I’m not gonna sit in a factory.”

“I don’t—“

“Come on, guys! There are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them. That’s what you don’t understand.. this isn’t about me.”

“Yeah? But what about me?” Y/N’s small voice stopped the two men. “Taking care of your sister isn’t enough?” There were tears in her eyes, tears both of the men immediately regretted putting there. 

“Y/N—“

“No. I’m done hearing your excuses. Your reasonings… If you want to go off to war to get killed and leave me alone, then so be it. You want it so damn much, it shows what you really care about.”

Y/N walked away, towards Steve’s date, before she could hear the men say anything else. They watched with sad eyes as she walked away. They both knew what they were doing to her. But they didn’t know how they could really make it right.

“You’ve got nothing to prove, Steve,” Bucky stated as he turned back to him. Bucky sighed, realizing he wasn’t going to win with this Rogers tonight. But if he hurried, he could fix it with another before he left. “Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”

“How can I?” Steve responded. “You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

“You’re a punk.” They two embraced.

“Jerk. Be careful” They let go and Bucky began walking back to the girls. “Don’t win the war till I get there!”

Bucky sent Steve a salute before turning around and reaching the girls. He noticed Y/N was still emotional and that Steve’s date, Bonnie, clearly wanted to be spending time with him.

“Hey, Bonnie,” Bucky started, “do you mind if it’s just Y/N and I tonight?”

“Oh,” she was clearly taken back. “Sure.” She reached up and kissed Bucky’s cheek. “Be safe out there soldier. And make sure to find me with you return.” 

Once Bonnie was out of sight, Bucky wrapped an arm around Y/N’s waist. “Lets go dancing,” he smiled down at her.

“I don’t feel like dancing tonight, Buck,” she sadly said, looking down. “I just want to go home.”

“Come on, doll.” Buck moved to stand in front of her. “It’s my last night.”

“Yes, it’s your last night before you get shipped off to war… I really don’t need another reminder…”

“Y/N. Look at me.” He tried to meet her eyes. “Please.” When she still refused, he put his hand under her chin and gently guided her head to look up at him. “How about we do whatever you want tonight? I just want to spend my last night with you, doll. My favorite Rogers.”

Bucky’s eyes showed nothing but sincerity. All Y/N wanted was to hold onto her boys and never let them go. But she was coming to the realization that that wasn’t an option. She wrapped her arms around Bucky, holding herself close to him. He reciprocated the action, breathing her scent in. Every moment with Y/N tonight, Bucky at been trying to memorize every detail of the girl. He never wanted to forget anything about her. They stood there, for a moment, holding onto each other like they were the only two people in the world. 

“Come on,” Bucky whispered, letting her go and grabbing her hand. “I know some place we can go.”

next chapter >

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “The Shatter Protocol”

Lol I think you guys are going to totally hate me for this one. Its exciting tho, so there is that. Please don’t hunt me down in my sleep :)

“Commander on Deck!”

Commander Vir took a seat in the captain’s chair spinning around to face front, “Status report!” He barked hands gripped firmly to the seat arms jaw set.

“Rundi radar systems have detected twenty burg short cruisers and at least a dozen kree orbiting satellites, sir, its the whole fucking armada!”

“Keep yourself under control lieutenant! We’ve had worse.” And the way he said it made the crew almost believe him, “Are those satellites armed.”

There was a pause, “No sir, I don’t detect any weapons, mostly just power banks and mild warp capabilities.” 

Off to his left, Sunny had taken her seat at the weapons station, “All weapons systems online.”

“Order the first and fifth fighter squad to deploy.” He said, “Have them pull around back.” He turned to the communications officer, “Get the GA on the line and get me more ships! I don’t care if i have to sell my soul to the GA, but we need more firepower. We aren’t going to win this if we can’t flank them.”

“Yes sir.” He engaged the radar screen, and deployed the forward cameras even as the front blast shields closed over his line of vision, only to be replaced by a projected image of the same.

“Commander, burg warships moving into position.”

He clenched his teeth into a snarl, “Why won't these bastards just give up already.”

“Sir Kozlov and Ho have arrived, and are maneuvering into position.”

“Good. Get me the Burg command on the line. I want to talk to them.”

“Yes sir.”

He waited there for a moment, hands still resting lightly on the sides of his seat, though he did engage the manual controls with one thumb as he did so resting his feet lightly on the pedals and moving his hands to the control sticks.

A projected image appeared in his vision, and it was big and ugly, with too many legs, a couple of mandibles, and some twitching antennae. Commander Vir wished he could meet the thing in person, simply to spit in the creature’s face.

“Commander.” it hissed, it's sibilant clattering voice making him want to open up his skull and itch at his brain.

“I’m afraid you have e at somewhat of a disadvantage…. I don’t know your name.”

The creature hissed, “We are on equal playing fields, commander.” It placed a little emphasis on the last word.

Commander Vir kept his face neutral, “You and I have never been on equal playing fields.”

“I think we have.”

“Well no, you see because ever conflict humanity has had with the burg, we’ve won. Three times. Some of your peop’e were defeated by army ants, so forgive me if I am skeptical.”

INstead of flying into a fit of rage like he had become accustomed too, this creature simply chittered its mandibles, “That will change soon enough.”

“Don’t suppose I can convince you to surrender?”

“No, I don’t suppose you can.”

Commander Vir tapped his fingers  against the chair seat, “Than I suppose you will die like the rest of your predecessors.”

The burg commander, still calmly, “There are worse things than death, commander.” ANd then the line went dead.

Commander Vir frowned, but was cut off from his thoughts, “Sir, The burg ship is preparing to fire.” “Beginning evasive maneuvers.” At the back of the ship, the rear thrusters pulsed and they shot downwards jolting much of the crew in their seats. They couldn’t feel the projectile pass, as there was no blast radius in space, but the COmmander’s quick maneuver had stopped them from taking a round straight to the nose fo the ship.

“Sunny, fire when ready.”

“Yes sir, predictive engine has been booted.”

“Predictive engine?”

“Sunny flipped up the joystick on her weapons module, “Yes sir, I designed it for times just like this.”

Commander Vir watched nervously as she worked, finger twitching towards the trigger on his joysticks, but she was the weapons expert, it was time to let her work.

Two shots fired one slightly delayed from the other. The first of them aimed for the far right deck of the burg ship. It missed entirely as they maneuvered to the side and straight into the path of the second.

Commander Vir had never seen a hit so solid in his entire life.

He blinked in shock as pieces of debris exploded into space around the burg ship.

“Direct hit, sir.” She said. If she had had time to think, she would have been pleased with herself. The predictive engine she had spoken of earlier, was a piece of engineered software she had designed just for this occasion. It used probability, mathematics and fast calculation to determine the most likely course of action for a ship maneuver in comparison to a fired shot. In this way she could predict her target’s movement to an accuracy of 65% and almost up to 72% if she played her cards right.

Commander Vir tightened his hands on the joysticks, “What do you need me to do, Sunny.”

“You do whatever you need to, commander, and I will match you.”

She has sent off anther careful volley of shots, slowly rotating the guns in pairs of two to give the others time to cool off.

Bright white lights lit up the vast darkness of space as the two groups began firing back and forth at each other. The Celzex ship glowed an almost neon purple for a second before a massive discharge cut across the intervening space at speeds nearly incomprehensible.

A burg ship exploded, almost atomized on the spot.

The burg line broke, and dissolved into chaos breaking left and right. Commander Vir maneuvered his ship to the side, and cut forward, dancing the massive ship like a delicate ballet dancer across the stage of space.

As they cut by, Sunny armed close range ballistic cannons, sending a rapid onslaught of tungsten rods straight through the burg hull depressurizing an entire side of the ship. Captain Vir rolled to the side out of the way of another line of fire.

Outside, the fighters swarmed around his ship keeping burg fighters at bay. At a distance, the fight almost appeared like a swarm of bees around the head of a bear, one lumbering, the the others fast and graceful.

The burg tried to cut around to flank them from the back, but Captain Kozlov and Ho were waiting for them. The two crossed their firing fields, and decimated anyone who was stupid enough to enter. The Rundi ship covered the Celzex ship with it’s shielding, dropping it only on occasion when the Celzex’s weapons had charged back to full power.

Their weapons were slow, but when they hit, they absolutely decimated whatever they touched.

The ship shook as one of the burg fighters brought a line of rapid gunfire down their hull. Commander Vir cursed, knowing he could do nothing against an attack from such a small fighter.

Two more sharp blinks of light in the middle of space, and a Terasaki ship appeared escorted by another Rundi imperial.

Their appearance on the fighting stage was so sudden, the Burg had no time to react.

The Terasaki, as innovative as they were  shot off a projectile towards two burg ships. It missed entirely, or so it seemed unti l there was a bright pulse of blue light, and the two ships jolted suddenly sideways as the absolutely massive magnet pulled them together.

They did not remain their long as the Celzex took the opportunity blasting both ships and the Tesraki magnet into atoms.

However, while their shields had been momentarily down, the burg had fired another volley, and the rundi ship rocked violently to the side. At least six burg ships concentrated their attack on the limping cruiser as its shields flickered on and off. The concentration was too high, and commander Vir maneuvered around and back behind them as a pice of the RUndi shi was blasted off. Bodies were sucked out of the open compartment and into the vastness of space.

He was flanking them now having turned a full 180 from their their original position.

Sunny humed in pleasure.

On board the ship’s most powerful railguns fired in quick succession. Commander vir jolted in his seat as the huge weapons bounced the backwards forcing the rear thrusters to fire in response, keeping them steady.

The first round blasted apart the Burg shield, and the second round cut right into the burg engine bay.

He was almost blinded by the bright light as the ship seemed to atomize right there on the spot as the Burg warp core was perforated, and the half that did not atomize imploded. The sudden destabilization of the warp drive was powerful enough to create a rift in the airspace that immediately warped the back halves of two and the front halves of two burg warships into oblivion.

Debris Pelted their companions mostly warded off by shields, but some scored lucky hits on the ships that had already had their shields damaged.

The Celzex took care of the rest blasting an entire field of burg ships into powder.

That was when Commander Vir sensed something to be very very wrong. He didn’t know what for sure, but a pit had formed in his stomach causing his heart to drop into his pelvis. The battlefield around them was chaotic, the burg having switched sides.

He was in back now, and there seemed to be a lot less burg ships than originally.

But where…? He wasn’t sure what made him turn the ship around, but he did, and when he did he saw the reason for his sinking stomach.

“Commander come in do you read, we are sensing a power anomaly behind you.”

He barely heard the words that came over the coms, as he watched the final satellite drop into position in the ring, and when it did a massive pulse of blue power erupted from around them.

When his vision cleared, what lay before him, caused the pit in his stomach to bore it’s way out of his body, his metaphorical heart sinking onto the floor.

Desperately, he fired all thrusters full forward. 

The massive churning black abyss before them was powerful enough to warp space around it. Rings of light rolled at its edges pulsing around and over like a halo, though the center was of the deepest most malevolent black he had ever seen.

Screaming erupted on the bridge.

His ship jolted, and without his bidding slowly moving forward despite their full thrust backwards.

“FIRE THE WARP CORE NOW!” He screamed his hearing popping out to be replaced only with a ringing.

“FIRING WARP CORE.” One of the front panels of the harbinger broke off and went careening towards the black pit.

The ship’s hull screeched.

There was a sharp pulse, and then a jolt. That rent the air around them.

He almost passed out with the powerful wave of warp energy that blasted over the ship, and then died.

“WARP CORE MALFUNCTIONING!”

INside his heart was hammering, his throat was tight and his eyes stung. He stared at the gaping blackness before them and it’s swirling halo.

Comms lit up, “Commander we can’t get any closer, commander!”

It was at that moment he knew.

Suddenly, very suddenly his heart slowed, his breathing evened out. HIs eyes stopped prickling and despite his skin being cold he did not shake. He was still in the command chair as chaos reigned around him.

He heard himself speak as if from outside his own body, a voice that was calm, and decisive, and cool despite the hint of sadness that touched it. Though he did not shout, the power of his voice silenced the bridge, “Initiate the Shatter protocol.”

Everyone was silent.

“Everyone evacuate to the life pods and sealed decks immediately.” His seatbelt clicked into position, and he took a deep breath.

“But commander.”

“I said evacuate, now.” he did not raise his voice but the tone made it clear he would take no argument.

The crew stood from their seats.

Commander vir reached out and under his seat pressing a button that he had never wanted to press. Purple light blinked on around them.

Initiating shatter protocol.

The bridge crew filed out of the room as commander Vir stared stoically forward.

Please report to a restraint harness on an air locked deck or to the lifepods.

Commander Vir closed his eyes thinking “Conn, are you there?”

A soft voice, “Yes commander, I am here.”

“Can you get my dog-”

“Already done commander, she is safe with me.” 

“Conn.”

“Yes?”

“You know I never mean the things I say to you, right?”

“Yes, commander, I know.” 

The Bridge was almost completely empty now.

Shatter protocol to initiate in three minutes.

A hand on his shoulder.

He looked up, and saw sunny standing over him, her golden eyes wide with horror, “Adam, what are you doing!”

“Someone has to stay behind, Sunny. I have to manually fire them if I want everyone to make it out.”

“Bullshit.”

“Sunny, if you don’t leave right now I swear to god I will hate you for the rest of my life.” He locked eyes with her seeing the confusion and hurt there, “I will hate you because you will have murdered someone I loved.” She stared at him still not comprehending what he had said, but that was ok.

He stood allowing the seatbelt to disengage.

He stood Resting his hands on her upper arms pushing her slowly back towards the door.

When she wouldn’t move fast enough, he hugged her close pushing harder until the door was just behind them.

He turned his head to look up at her.

He leaned up moving onto the tips of his toes to reach sliding his hands onto the cool chest plate of her carapace.

She looked down at him confused, maybe scared.

He leaned up a little further bracing his toes against the steel, and shoved hard. 

Sunny stumbled back pitching to the floor as he raced forward and slammed his fist into the locking button.

The door slammed shut as Sunny leaped to her feet.

Sealing ship decks.

All around the ship powerful airlocked metal plates slid down from all the doors, locking each individual deck into an air right compartment.

He heard the metal snick into place behind the door in front of him.

A captain goes down with his ship

He turned and took his seat back in the captain’s chair back straight chin held high.

He reached down and pressed the button again.

Jettisoning Deck F

Once upon a time, some engineer somewhere had designed a plan for an event like this. Lifeboats and escape pods were ok for small numbers of people, but for large amounts at a short notice, it just wasn't viable. So they had designed it where the decks of the ships themselves were lifeboats.

In an event of an emergency the decs would be sealed off into airtight compartments and then, one by one, jettisoned backwards from the ship using all systems for external power.

OUt in space, the Harbinger broke apart starting from the back forward. Thousands of escape pods and chunks of the ship rocketed backwards all at once fracturing like a pane of glass.

Commander Vir felt the power and lurched slightly forward in his seat. The lights around him dimmed as the command deck was cut from power. As the thrusters vanished, there was nothing to keep him stable and he rocketed forward towards the gaping maw of the black abyss. 

HE rested his head back in his seat watching the hole grow wider before him. 

He thought of his mother, hoping she wouldn’t cry too much, of his father who had never lost a son. He thought of his brothers. He thought of Dr. Krill. He thought about his crew, and he thought about Sunny.

Nothing but blackness in his vision.

In the darkness of the bridge, he whispered one final phrase to ALL of them before the command deck spiraled into blackness and vanished.

I love you

[twentiethcenturymoviesandtv]

Star Trek: Facets of Filmmaking

As it turns out, before Star Trek was fully realized in the form we know today, the show was originally not going to be about Kirk and the Enterprise at all.  In fact, it was going to be about a ship called the S.S. Yorktown, captained by a man named Robert April, on a mission to explore the Milky Way galaxy.  The original concept, still named Star Trek and set in the 23rd century, was loosely based on the Horatio Hornblower novels, and took inspiration from The Voyage of the Space Beagle, the Marathon series and the 1956 film Forbidden Planet.

By the year 1964, when this idea began to take shape, Gene Roddenberry, creator of Star Trek was an experienced writer for western television shows, and was well accustomed to (at the time) television’s favorite and most popular genre.  By 1964, however, Roddenberry was tired of the shootouts, and wanted to do something different, something with a little more depth to it.

Still, Roddenberry knew what the executives, and the public, was used to.  As a result, the first draft of this new Star Trek idea was generalized as a sort of ‘Wagon Train to the Stars’, a formulaic type of show where every episode was a standalone adventure in the continuous exploration of the final frontier: space.

As Roddenberry wrote the draft, a few things changed.  Gone was Robert April, replaced by Captain Christopher Pike, who would be portrayed by Jefferey Hunter, and the rest of the crew.  The name of the ship changed too, to the more familiar Enterprise.  As these changes came about, so too did the true nature of Roddenberry’s dream show: both an adventure story, and a thought-provoking morality tale.

Armed with his script, Roddenberry brought Star Trek to Desilu Productions, (a rather large television production company headed and half-formed by Lucille Ball herself) and met with director of production Herbert F. Solow.  Solow saw promise in the concept, and signed a three-year development contract with Roddenberry.

Star Trek moved into the next stage of development.  Further drafts were drawn up and the idea that would later become the episode The Cage was revised, until it was shown to CBS as part of the ‘First Look’ deal with Desilu productions.  CBS wasn’t impressed with the show, declining to purchase it.  They had another ‘space show’ in development that seemed too similar, a show that would become Lost in Space.

However, another company became interested: NBC.  In May of 1964, Grant Tinker, the head of the West Coast programming department, commissioned the pilot that would become The Cage (which would later be reworked into the episode The Menagerie).  After it was completed, NBC turned it down, claiming that it was ‘too cerebral’, but although this was a mild defeat, Star Trek wasn’t beaten.  NBC still showed interest in the concept, and made the highly unusual decision to commission a second pilot: the episode that would become Where No Man Has Gone Before.

With this came quite a few changes.

Christopher Pike was scrapped as a character, as was the vast majority of other cast members.  Only the character of Spock, as portrayed by Leonard Nimoy, was kept, and of the other cast members, only Majel Barrett stayed, demoted from playing the second-in-command (scrapped due to the unthinkable notion of a woman Commander) to the ship’s nurse, Christine Chapel.  With this new pilot came an onslaught of new, more familiar names and faces: William Shatner as Captain Kirk, Chief Engineer Lieutenant Commander Scott played by James Doohan, and Lieutenant Sulu, (originally a physicist in the first episode, but a helmsman afterwards) played by George Takei.

This pilot passed with flying colors, and with that, NBC added Star Trek to their fall lineup for 1966.

Still, there were changes to be made.  In this first pilot, the ship’s doctor was Mark Piper, played by Paul Fix.  Dr. Leonard McCoy, played by DeForest Kelley, would join the cast when principal filming for the first season began.  Also joining the cast was Nichelle Nichols, playing Lieutenant Uhura, and Grace Lee Whitney as Yeoman Rand.  (Whitney would depart halfway through the first season, after being on the receiving end of sexual assault from one of the executives of the show, but would later appear in the film series beginning in the 1970s.)

Besides Where No Man Has Gone Before, NBC ordered 15 episodes to start off the show.  The first episode of Star Trek, The Man Trap, aired at 8:30 PM on Thursday, September 8th of 1966 as part of NBC’s ‘sneak preview’ time slot, received with mixed feelings.  While some papers and reviewers genuinely liked the new show, (such as The Philadelphia Inquirer and the San Francisco Chronicle) others, such as The Boston Globe and The New York Times didn’t.  Variety described the show as ‘an incredible and dreary mess of confusion and complexities’, and predicted that it would fail.

Fighting for position against reruns of previous shows, despite the critics’ warnings, Star Trek won a time slot, and began with decent ratings.  However, it didn’t last long.  By the end of the first season, Star Trek was sitting at 52nd out of 94 programs.

Star Trek was sinking, fast.

But even then, it wasn’t without its supporters.

The editor of Galaxy Science Fiction, Frederik Pohl, offered up his amazement that Star Trek’s consistency remained good, with no drop in quality after its Tricon winning early episodes.  He expressed his fear that the show would be cancelled due to its low ratings, and pleaded with audiences to help save Star Trek, writing letters to prevent its cancellation.

At this time, the only thing that was keeping the show on the air in the first place was the demographics it was reaching.  NBC had become interested in the demographics of the shows it was producing in the early 1960s, and by 1967, was using that as part of the decision making as to which shows got dropped.  

And something about Star Trek’s demographics interested NBC very much: it had managed to attract ‘quality’ audiences: high income, high educated people (primarily males).

As a result, NBC ordered ten more episodes for the first season, and ordered a second in March of 1967.  The network then changed Star Trek’s timeslot, moving it to 8:30 on Friday nights, a timeslot that seemed doomed for failure among the audience that Star Trek had gathered.

The next season, things didn’t seem to be getting any better.  It was at this point that the show added on Walter Koenig as Ensign Chekov (as George Takei was working on The Green Berets and was not as available for shooting), although some might have wondered why they would have bothered.  The show’s ratings were still dropping.  William Shatner, expecting the show to be cancelled, began to prepare for other projects.  

Again, the demographics saved the day.

Roddenberry’s initial concept of adventure alongside morality tales intrigued the audiences Star Trek had attracted.  The show had values, values that had to be applied to every situation.  The show was sincere, and serious in its exploration of issues like racism, war and peace, human rights, technology, class warfare, and imperialism, far different in tone and content than the other chief sci-fi show at the time: Lost in Space.  As a result, the show generated a more interested fanbase, perhaps the first true ‘fanbase’ of any franchise in history.  In the end, it was they who saved Star Trek.

By the end of the first season, NBC had received well over 29,000 fan letters.  During the second season, Roddenberry began a campaign to persuade fans to write in to NBC, to support the show and save the program.  Between December of 1967 and March of 1968, NCB had received nearly 116,000 letters from people who did not want to see Star Trek cancelled.  Science fiction conventions, magazines, and newspaper columnists encouraged readers to save what was called ‘the best science-fiction show on the air’.

The fans didn’t stop with letters.  Over 200 students of the California Institute of Technology marched to NBC’s studio in Burbank to protest the cancellation of Star Trek in January of 1968, carrying signs that said things like ‘Vulcan Power’.  They weren’t alone; other groups of students of MIT and Berkeley did the same thing in New York City and San Francisco.

Interestingly, the letters that NBC received were not of the typical ‘fan mail’ quality.

“Much of the mail came from doctors, scientists, teachers, and other professional people, and was for the most part literate–and written on good stationery. And if there is anything a network wants almost as much as a high Nielsen ratings, it is the prestige of a show that appeals to the upper middle class and high-brow audiences.” (Lowry, Cynthia (January 17, 1968). “One Network Goes ‘Unconventional’”. Nashua Telegraph. Associated Press. p. 13)

“The show, according to the 6,000 letters it draws a week (more than any other in television), is watched by scientists, museum curators, psychiatrists, doctors, university professors, and other highbrows. The Smithsonian Institution asked for a print of the show for its archives, the only show so honored.” (Scott, Vernon (February 7, 1968). “Letters Can Save 'Star Trek’”. The Press-Courier. Oxnard, California. United Press International. p. 17.)

After the episode The Omega Glory, on March 1st, 1968, the announcement came:

“And now an announcement of interest to all viewers of Star Trek. We are pleased to tell you that Star Trek will continue to be seen on NBC Television. We know you will be looking forward to seeing the weekly adventure in space on Star Trek.” (“Letters For 'Star Trek’ Hit 114,667”. The Modesto Bee. April 14, 1968. p. 26.)

If this was intended to stop the letter writing campaign, it was a dismal failure.  A comparable number of letters came in to NBC following this announcement, full of thanks for renewing the show for the third season.

In March of 1968, NBC moved Star Trek to another time slot: 10:00 PM on Fridays, an even worse shot than before.  To make matters worse, it was only being seen by 181 out of 210 of NBC’s affiliates.  Roddenberry fought the network to move it to a better time, but he was denied.  Exhausted, Roddenberry quit working on production of Star Trek, remaining executive producer in name only.  The running of the show went to Fred Freiberger, who was with the show as it stood on its last, shaky, legs.

And it was on its last legs.

Star Trek season three was a dying breath, the death-rattle of a show that was being intentionally destroyed by its own network.

To quote Nichelle Nichols:

“While NBC paid lip service to expanding Star Trek’s audience, it [now] slashed our production budget until it was actually 10% lower than it had been in our first season … This is why in the third season you saw fewer outdoor location shots, for example. Top writers, top guest stars, top anything you needed was harder to come by. Thus, Star Trek’s demise became a self-fulfilling prophecy. And I can assure you, that is exactly as it was meant to be.”

It showed.

While I hesitate to call season three of Star Trek a mess, it is difficult to deny that the show was definitely struggling.  Episodes dropped in quality, characters became more exaggerated and less ‘true’. Star Trek stopped filming in January of 1969, and after a total run of 79 episodes, the show  was cancelled.

As a newspaper columnist advised:

“You Star Trek fans have fought the “good fight,” but the show has been cancelled and there’s nothing to be done now.”

Rather incongruous with the image of the pop-culture giant we know it as today, wouldn’t you think?

So what happened?

As it turns out, Star Trek had enough episodes (thanks to the third season) to enter syndication.  Desilu Productions, which at that point had become Paramount, licensed the syndication rights in order to turn a profit, and reruns of Star Trek began airing in late 1969.

In syndication, Star Trek became a cult classic, finding a larger audience on reruns than it had during its original run.  The show, which was airing in the afternoons and early evenings, was attracting a young demographic, and, ironically, Star Trek became known as ‘the show that wouldn’t die’.  By 1970, Star Trek was boosting Paramount’s ratings, and becoming extremely popular.  In January of 1972, over 3,000 fans attended the first Star Trek convention in New York City, kicking off a previously unheard-of trend of organized fan gatherings where they could buy merchandise, meet cast and crew, and screen episodes of the show.  These people, coming to be known as ‘trekkies’, took pride in their knowledge and extreme love for this series, which was becoming renowned for being a smart, heartfelt science fiction show that had been cancelled too early.

17 years after Star Trek was cancelled and started reruns, Star Trek became the most popular syndicated show of all time.  By 1987, Paramount was bringing in $1 million per episode, and by 1994, reruns were still airing in over 90% of the United States of America.

The rest is history.

It has been over fifty years since Gene Roddenberry’s vision of a wagon train to the stars first took flight, and it was a hard battle fought to get as far as it did.  Never before had a show garnered the support and devoted love from a fanbase, never had it inspired such huge leaps and bounds in television and fandom alike.  Never had a television show meant so much to so many, and continued to do so well past its end.

For a show that struggled through a third season, it seems incredible that Star Trek still holds the weight that it does today.  The show that wouldn’t die gained new life beyond the grave, still capturing people’s attention decades after it was cancelled, growing to become one of the best known and best loved television shows ever made.

Against all odds, Star Trek lives on, remaining one of the greatest television shows of all time, for very good reason.

Join me for one last article as next time we take one last look at Star Trek in our Final Thoughts.  If you have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, recommendations, or just want to say hi, don’t forget to leave an ask!  Thank you all so much for reading, and I hope to see you in the next article.  

[delusionland]

STEPHCASS FOR THE MEME <3

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

How did they first meet?

here is my personal hc. tim told cass about a girl. he didn’t tell her anything about the girl, just that she was woefully unprepared to be a crimefighter... but also she was kinda cute, in a totally naive way (90s tim was kind of an asshole, never forget). cass couldn’t quite understand what he was saying while he showed her the batfile on her---the picture of the spoiler, etc. but she got his general tone and body language. cass then sought steph out. for nights. nights looking for the spoiler. when she found her---she tackled her, immediately engaged her in a fight. she went so, so easy on her. she just wanted to see what a cute girl was. and steph... was definitely a cute girl. at the time, cass couldn’t talk, couldn’t communicate with her. but she left her a gift. a nice knife that she had throw at her head---deliberately missing it, that was... especially ornate, and seemed shiny and valuable, and most of all purple to match her costume. pretty purple girls like pretty purple things, right?

What was their first impression of each other?

steph probably did not think well of cass, at first. after that first outing---the batfamily got involved. cass was to help steph with her fighting. steph was to help cass with her speech. without the mask on---steph could see how much cass enjoyed her company. it was hard not to realize she had a sense of humor about everything. the laughter she had exhibited on a still-baby-at-the-time spoiler screaming her head off about what she thought was some kind of demon-ninja batgirl was... genuine, and not malicious in the slightest. she seemed to want to be friends, and every time steph frowned at her, or was a sore loser, cass simply smiled and laughed harder, finding everything steph did perfectly amusing. as they got to know each other---cass got better at talking, and steph got better at fighting, and they kind of, met somewhere on the outer edges of the middle for a while. there was always something standing between them--though. a resentment, not between them, but a misunderstanding. that cass belonged to bruce and the bat. and steph belonged to tim.

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

i feel like conner kent at the very least shipped it. alfred really thought there was a spark between them, and during their brief frenemy stage---alfred made sure steph knew cass genuinely cared for her. bruce did NOT want them to get together at all, though. neither did tim, for obvious reasons.

Who felt romantic feelings first?

cass. it was love the first time steph managed to punch herin the face. did she win? no. but she GOT her. and through that tenacity, cass realized that her friend was so much more than a silly, pretty girl. she was a fighter. she was a champion. and more than anything, she was brave, and determined, and they had practiced a thousand times for just this moment. and afterwards, steph was just so proud of her overall failure instead of being herr typical loser.... cass couldnt help but know steph was always going to be the love of her life.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

they both did! didn’t want to ruin the friendship!

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

cass would get a curious look, steph wouldn’t believe you!

What would their lives be like if they had never met?

they would be a lot worse, a lot lonelier. steph never would’ve become batgirl, that’s for sure, and cass would’ve learned to speak---but in a way entirely removed from her own personality and love of herself & life.

GENERAL

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

it was a mutual thing in ocean city, maryland. they were in a photo booth, sitting in eachother’s laps, leg over leg, they did a silly face, and then another silly face, and then their faces were so close---and then SMOOCH CITY, and they WOULD NOT LEAVE THE BOOTH lol.

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

they considered ocean city their first date. but they’re not really the ‘dating’ types. they both LOVE to fight. they both LOVE to crime fight. they both LOVE spending time together doing NOTHING. if anything, the first time cass had to go to a gala with her was the first time they realized---ugh, do we REALLY have to be WAYNES? do we really have to have REAL LIVES? why can’t we stay in our cuddle - asskicking bubble forever?

What was their first kiss like?

it was the most natural possible thing, and it was something they had both almost had so many times before that it was like drowning in sensation after you had subsisted off of gerbil-cage drips of water for years. they couldn’t stop! they were consumed with want, and they only stopped when they started to get a little TOO frisky and somebody moved the curtain of the booth because they wanted to get their own picture taken and they were like ‘fuck! okay lets get french fries!’ lol

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

steph is cass’s first gf, and vice versa.

What’s their height difference? Age difference?

cass is 5′7″ JUST tall enough to be taller than her gf >: )

What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

cass will kill the puzzler or whatever the fuck his name is. he sucks. steph’s mom loves her tho :’ ) and well. the less said about bruce and steph the better, but like. your whole blog is proof of how much the rest of the batfam loves steph!

Who takes the lead in social situations?

they both are the ‘HAHA! THE ECONOMY!’ gif tbh.

Who gets jealous easier?

cass. steph is special cargo, the first girl / person she ever loved romantically, the first friend she ever had. however, cass has made it very publically known she wants threesomes with other hotties of multiple genders.

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?

CASS CASS CASS.

LOVE

Who said “I love you” first?

steph, and she agonized over it, only for cass to say it so easily in a way cass didn’t think it would ever be easy for her to say. like steph is some magical fairy tale princess that lifts the curse on cass to never be able to express love the way love is supposed to be expressed. steph just makes things easy. she makes everything easy.

What are their primary love languages?

TOUCH. GAMES. QUALITY TIME. GIFTS.

Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

they both do they’re TERRIBLE.

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

batgirl and the black bat are forced on seperate patrols bc they do this so much and they HATE it and SNEAK OUT and kiss ANYWAY!

Who initiates kisses?

cass!

Who’s the big and little spoon?

cass is big spoon!

What are their favorite things to do together?

they really like watching wrestling and kung fu movies together i think. steph also likes girly movies, but cass gets bored after a while and just starts wrestling with her over the popcorn and then wrestling leads to hankypanky. most of all they love fighting and dancing AND PLAYING PRANKS on the bat boys.

Who’s better at comforting the other?

cass is.

Who’s more protective?

CASS IS.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

physical affection.

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

jenny - studio killers

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

they both call each other batgirl affectionately, cass also learns new words to say girlfriend and sweetie all the time and uses those.

Who remembers the little things?

STEPH.

DOMESTIC LIFE

If they get married, who proposes?

they COMPETE to see who will do it first. they use the batcave to make sure the other isnt going to look for rings. and when they find the other one shopping for rings. its fucking GO-TIME BITCH. you’re not going to propose to me, i’m going to propose to you! when they pop out the boxes at the exact same time, cass steals the ring from steph’s hands and holds it up over her head and throws hers at steph’s head like ‘YOU HAVE TO MARRY ME FIRST. NO TAKEBACKSIES.’

What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

it’s a big wedding. cass loves, loves people. it’s a whos-who, especially since cass is gonna be batman and she has all the justice league contacts now. cass turns a bit into a bridezila, but like, as a joke, mostly, and she calms down when steph is like ‘i thought we could be more intimate...’ lol

How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?

they adopt some bratty street kids that are tangentially related to joker / black mask / puzzler / lady shiva as a fuck you. they love their kids so much.

Do they have any pets?

so many cats. a million cats.

Who’s the stricter parent?

cass.

Who worries the most?

steph.

Who kills the bugs in the house?

cass.

How do they celebrate holidays?

they go to concerts!!!! big loud concerts where they can mosh!!!

Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

cass! no school! just cuddles!

Who’s the better cook?

steph. cass doesn’t know how to, and also refuses to, fry an egg.

Who likes to dance?

cass most of all!

[ljf613]

20 Fic Writer Questions

Thanks to @theboyfrommakapu and @old-and-new-friends for the tag.

1) How many works do you have on AO3? Technically 66, but 9 of those are really just stubs of fics I will write someday.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 131,183.

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? 14: Miraculous Ladybug, Tales of Arcadia, Teen Wolf, Space Boy, Dr Quinn: Medicine Woman, Children of the Wolves: Ame & Yuki, Yona of the Dawn, Fairy Tail, Shall We Date?: THE NIFLHEIM+, The Dragon Prince, Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic, The Familiar of Zero, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Avatar: The Legend of Korra, and several others that have not yet been posted. (The NIFLHEIM fic was just as a crossover for a Fairy Tail fic, I'm not invested in that one enough that I'd really write a story in that fandom on its own.)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1. nobody wants to pay the asking price (716 kudos) 2. you don't get what all this is about (669 kudos) 3. we all bend and break sometimes (644 kudos) 4. I'm worse at what I do best (559 kudos) 5. fifteen for a moment (541 kudos) (The we all want love/we all want honor series is way more popular than I ever anticipated it would be.)

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not? Always. There are times when it takes me a little way to come up with a good response, especially for the really detailed comments (I think the oldest unanswered one is from way back in January), but I get around to it eventually. I think it's really important to interact with people who've not only taken the time to read my stories, but also want to talk about them.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? It's Winter Again (And I Can't Wait To See You), without a doubt. I wanted to write a super-angsty Yuaang fic, and I believe I succeeded.

7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? The happiest? I haven't actually ended too many fics, and most of them didn't end particularly happily-- hopefully might be a more apt description....... I guess The Bells of Kardia Cathedral had a pretty happy ending.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written? I've only written one real crossover (aside from a couple of ATLA/LOK "crossovers"), the aforementioned Fairy Tail/NIFLHEIM fic Fairy Tail in NIFLHEIM, which was pretty crazy. I do have an ATLA/Magi crossover planned that I think might be pretty interesting.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic? I don't think so (unless I deleted and forgot about it). The closest I can think of (although I can't find it now, so I either imagined it or whoever wrote it deleted it) was someone who thinks the way I'm handling Toph in the Ba Sing Se arc of we all want love/we all want honor is rather OOC for how I've set her up in this series. I actually do understand where that person is coming from, and I plan on addressing exactly why she's behaving the way she is sometime in the next few chapters.

10) Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Nope. Never have, never will, don't even ask.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not..... exactly? Someone's reposted the entirety of wawl/wawh and reposted it in a single doc, but it was posted privately for personal use (to make it easier for them to download the whole thing together). I haven't yet decided what I want to do about that.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but I'm totally open to it if anyone's interested!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nah. There were times in the past when I almost did, but it never seemed to work out.

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship? Nathan x Haley (Naley) from One Tree Hill #otp: always and forever

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? Well, nothing's completely off the table, but probably The Death of a First Crush. I have a lot of fondness for that fic-- it was probably the first real longfic I ever attempted to write, and I always knew exactly where I was going with it and how I wanted it to end. However, I started it at a very particular time of my life, when I was going through some very particular emotional stages I was trying to convey, and I don't think I could recapture those feelings if I wanted to. And maybe also Children of the Wolves. That's a story I was super-excited about, and I'd probably been thinking about since middle school (long before I discovered that fanfic was an actual 'thing' other people might actually be interested in reading)-- but the response was so lackluster I couldn't muster up any real motivation to continue it. I would like to get back to it someday, but only if there's some real interest.

16) What are your writing strengths? I'm but a lot of thought into my at worldbuilding, I do my best to avoid plotholes, and I think my dialogue and descriptions are pretty good.

17) What are your writing weaknesses? I don't know how to draft things-- they have to be absolutely perfect the first time, or I will sit and wait until they are. Also, I can't really write action-- fight scenes and such require a lot of visual/spatial awareness my aphantasiac brain just isn't capable of.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Well..... I don't think I've ever really done it, although I wouldn't be opposed to it if it made sense for the plot. If it was a real language, I'd definitely want to get help from an actual speaker, rather than just relying on Google translate or something.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for? The first fandom I ever posted for was Miraculous Ladybug. The first fandom I ever wrote for (that I actually have posted, we're not discussing the mediocre Twilight stories I scribbled out in middle school or anything) was Familair of Zero.

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? My absolute favorite? IDK...... I really love the age of wizardry is over, and I'm super-proud of both Between the Emotion and the Response and we all want love/we all want honor.

Tagging: I have no idea who has and hasn't been tagged for this yet, so if you're interested, just go for it!

[mayquita]

Damn You For Making Me  Love You (1/15) - Creep

I can't believe the day is finally here!! I'd like to express my gratitude to the moderators of @captainswanbigbang​ for creating this event and giving us the opportunity to finish and/or rewrite our previous works. It seems I work better under pressure, only in this way am I able to finish my stories, so thanks again for making it possible.

This is a finished and improved version(I hope) of my previous incomplete work. I included everything that appeared in its predecessor, that's why I decided to keep the same name, but I have also made some minor changes and, above all, I added quite a few more scenes, mostly flashbacks, which I hope have served to get to know the characters better and give them more depth.

This story includes 4 different POVs, Killian, Emma, Liam, and Elsa's. I found it interesting to offer the vision of the relationship between Emma and Killian through other people's eyes. It's not an angsty story, in fact, I had a lot of fun writing some scenes, so I hope you enjoy it.

Beta-Reader: Thank you so much, @ultraluckycatnd​ I couldn't have asked for a better beta. Thank you for all your effort, your suggestions, your advice and for always being there when I needed you. 

Special mention to @saraswans and @onceuponaprincessworld​, thank you so much for your perpetual support and for believing in me and in the story. 

Summary: Emma Swan and Killian Jones are close friends and co-workers. And both are in love with each other. The problem? They keep their feelings secret not only to the other but also to the rest of their friends. When Elsa, Emma's best friend and Liam, Killian's brother and Emma’s boss find out, they decide to form an alliance and work as a team with a clear goal, to get Emma and Killian to take the next step in their relationship and confess their love for each other.

Rating: M

Word count: ~ 7800 (98k total in 15 chapters)

Also: Ao3 / FFnet

Here we go... I hope you like it :)

//

Prologue - Creep

 Four years ago...

  What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here.

 The Kraken

The bar was located in a bland building, with nothing of interest to make it stand out except its spot near the marina. Even the sign with the name seemed dull and unwelcoming. Emma couldn’t help wrinkling her nose in disapproval while inspecting the facade of the premises carefully. If someone asked her, she would say that her goal was to gather information about the place where she might be working in the future. If she got the job, that is. The reality was a little different, though. She was simply using an excuse to delay the inevitable, reluctant to take the step that would carry her inside.

It wasn’t that she was a picky person in terms of job opportunities. Even without knowing what she would find inside, she was sure that she had worked in worse places. She had her standards, though, and she hadn’t worked her fingers to the bone to get her degree just to end up working in a damn bar.

"I need the money," she whispered to herself in an attempt to convince herself that she was making the right decision. She was the only one to blame for being in this precarious situation, after all. That's what happens when you run away from the person who broke your heart, leaving almost everything behind. Only one suitcase with a few belongings and her camera accompanied her on her escape.

In spite of everything, she should be grateful to have people around who cared about her, like her friend Elsa, who had welcomed her into her home with no questions and asked for nothing in return. That's why she was here today, in front of this building, because she couldn’t live forever under her friend's wing without having anything to contribute. She needed to feel useful.

I may not even be chosen, she thought.

Before deciding to enter, Emma grabbed her phone and looked for the job ad that had brought her here.

We are looking for new candidates to join our crew to help us refloat our ship before it sinks. If you are a creative, passionate person who likes challenges, this could be your opportunity. We only ask you to have knowledge in advertising and social media. If you are interested, contact our Captain for more information.

It was quite imaginative, she gave them that, with all that naval vocabulary being used in a clear reference to the name of the bar. But it also implied that they, the owners, had resorted to a somewhat desperate measure, probably because they were in a precarious position as well. She was not sure yet if that was something favorable to her interests. Anyway, there was only one way to find out.

After taking a deep breath, she opened the door with more determination than she really felt, hoping that maybe this time she would find the opportunity to start again on the right path.

In retrospect, she could say that the first thing that attracted her attention after entering The Kraken was the male figure located on what looked like an improvised stage, guitar in hand. Love at first sight and all that shit, as her friend Anna would say. Actually, that was the second thing that caught her attention. The first thing her eyes caught was the luminosity that radiated throughout the huge room.

Emma had to blink a few times at the unexpected and intense lighting of the bar, something she had not expected from such a place. She only needed a simple look around to discover the source of the illumination: the two walls in the far corner were adorned with huge, picturesque windows that were allowing the light to come streaming in. Her eyes widened with interest when she discovered a kind of gadget connected to what looked like two white curtains that were drawn back at the time.

  When you were here before

Couldn't look you in the eye

 The melodious voice of the guy in the middle of the stage distracted her momentarily from the inspection; her gaze was immediately drawn towards him. 

She wasn't sure if the guy was deliberately ignoring her presence there or if he was so focused on his task that he hadn't even realized that someone was watching him, but at least that gave her a few seconds to appreciate the vision that appeared in front of her.

There was something hypnotic in the way his nimble fingers slid over the guitar strings and in how he was able to modulate his voice, creating a powerful melody that enveloped her immediately, causing the lyrics of the song to also slip from between her lips in a soft hum.

Maybe it was the unusual lighting of the place, or the nerves that reverberated inside her, or it might be the lyrics of the song that seemed to acquire a new meaning when sung in the voice of the stranger. Whatever it was, Emma felt the air charged with electricity as she approached the stage almost without realizing it, as if she was being attracted by a magnet.

It was then that he subtly moved his head, directing his gaze to her while still singing. Emma could swear that time stopped at that moment, while she also remained frozen in her position unable to look away from the bluest eyes she had seen in her entire life. 

A shiver ran down her spine when the guy sang the next verse as if he was singing directly to her, his intense eyes never abandoning hers.

  You're just like an angel

Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather

In a beautiful world

 Emma shook her head in an attempt to get out of the trance as she pressed her lips together, holding back the humming. At least with the next verse, she came back to reality, suddenly remembering the reason for her presence there and her previous doubts.

  But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here.

 She certainly didn't seem to belong there, not with a guy too gorgeous for his own good. Although she wasn't even sure if the man worked there; someone like him around implied distractions that she neither needed nor wanted.

He hadn't spoken any words to her, but still managed to make goosebumps rise all over her skin, not only with his impressive voice but with his enigmatic and piercing gaze and his dark hair falling on his forehead. Even his scruff with a shade of ginger was attractive. It was as if the guy had a danger sign over his head, so her instinct pushed her to turn around and run away from there. She would have done it too if it wasn't for the fact that the guy finally decided to stop singing and addressed her directly.

"It's for the sails."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"The artifact, the one you were looking at before. It's for hoisting the sails."

What the hell was this guy talking about? The confusion was probably written all over her face because he raised an eyebrow while pointing behind her. Her brow furrowed as she turned her head in that direction. "The curtains are meant to emulate the sails of a ship. You know, naval decor and all that stuff."

He had an accent. Of course, he had an accent. Emma hadn't been able to detect it while he sang but just a handful of words had been enough to show it.

Reluctant to look at him again, her gaze focused on the curtains for a few seconds. It was quite creative, she would concede that. Even now that the curtains were raised, she could imagine the effect it would cause with dimmer lighting. The gears of her brain began to work, looking for the possible potential for that design.

"I thought you would like to know, given your apparent interest."

When she turned again she found a disarming smile and a smug expression on his face. As if that were not enough, he also had the audacity to wink at her. Seriously ? Emma would have stood there paralyzed with her mouth hanging open, unable to process what had just happened had it not been for another voice stealing her attention right at that moment. A voice that was addressing her from behind the bar.

"Hello, lass. What can I do for you?" The man who was speaking offered her a kind smile to which she responded with a timid one of her own as she forced her feet to step away from the stage and head toward the bar. The man looked somewhat older than the musician and, although they shared similar features, his hair was curly and his blue gaze less intense. He also sported a warmer expression, much to her relief.

"Uhm, I'm Emma. Emma Swan. I came for the job interview."

The man's face lit up immediately as his smile widened. "Emma Swan, of course. Nice to meet you." He offered his hand before continuing. "Welcome to The Kraken, lass. I'm Liam Jones, one of the owners and The Captain of this fine vessel." He waved his hand to encompass the entire room and then pointed toward the stage, so Emma had no choice but to look there again. "And that scoundrel up there would be my first mate, also known as my little brother, Killian."

"It's younger," the man, Killian, grumbled, a scowling expression on his face. She heard Liam snort behind her and she was going to turn again to focus her attention on him when Killian softened his features immediately, his lips drawing a bright smile and a special sparkle appeared in his gaze. "Pleasure."

He was trouble, she was aware of it. She didn't need trouble in her life. She was looking for a job, not a hot guy who had the ability to make her feel as if she had melted from the force of his penetrating gaze.

"Well, now that the introductions are made, what do you think if we get to business?" Emma had to suppress a sigh of relief when Liam came to her rescue. Yep, business, that's what she was here for.

After one last look at the stage, she turned back to Liam, but before they had time to start talking, a sound coming from the stage caused a chill to run down her spine. The bastard began to sing again.

  I wish I was special

You're so fuckin' special

 The corners of her lips twisted up as the lyrics of the song seeped deep into her, causing a strange sensation to settle in the pit of her stomach.

She ignored that feeling and focused on Liam's warm smile and the cozy decor that surrounded her. She found herself beginning to envision all the possibilities to boost the business, detecting with a simple glance the huge potential that it hid. Kilian might mean danger, but she had dealt with worse. Yes, she definitely might belong there, at least professionally speaking.

 //

Emma Swan - October 2019, present day

The streets of Boston passed before her eyes at full speed, wrapped in the lights and shadows typical of the night in a big city. When the cab stopped at a red light for what seemed like the millionth time, Emma groaned quietly, unable to hide her displeasure. She could feel Elsa's inquiring gaze directed at her, but showing off her stubbornness, she chose to ignore her while she kept her head turned towards the window.

The trip home had become torture. She couldn’t wait to get to her apartment, lock herself in her bedroom, and bury her head under the pillow. But it seemed like that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. A huff of annoyance escaped between her lips as she cursed inwardly. Damn Irishman! The person who had ruined her night had a proper name. Killian Jones.

At least Elsa, sitting next to her, had the good sense to remain silent. Emma, though, could see from the corner of her eye that her friend kept giving her inquiring glances that also contained a hint of concern. Damn Killian, she repeated to herself as she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the back of the seat. 

And to think that the night had started so well, full of expectations... For the first time in what seemed like ages, her boss, Liam Jones, had taken pity on her and Killian and given them the whole weekend off. 

She didn't remember anything like that in the four years she had been working for him. Well, there was that weekend, when the three of them went out of town to do some purchasing, when... Don't go there! She stopped that escalation of thoughts before it was too late. Certainly, the memories of that glorious weekend weren't going to help improve her current mood. Even so, she didn't have enough willpower to stop thinking about what had happened just half an hour before…

 "It will be a quiet night, I'll manage with only Ruby and Robin. The bar can survive for a couple of days without you. Now, guys, go out and have fun," Liam explained to both she and Killian. He used that condescending, patronizing tone of his, as if he were speaking to his own children.

Any other time, they would have reacted the way they usually did when Liam used that tone, rolling their eyes or raising their eyes to the sky praying for patience. On this occasion, though, they were so surprised by the offer that they simply looked at each other with wide eyes and mouths hanging open, as if they didn't quite believe their luck.

That's how she ended up organizing a girls' Friday night with Elsa and her sister Anna, a night she hoped was full of good music, drinks, and great moments with her two friends. 

Everything went well for a while. But then, in a twist of fate, he appeared in the same damn bar they were in. Killian Jones, in all his splendor, with his swagger moves, his devilish grin, and his bright blue eyes with the ability to pierce hearts. 

The problem? He wasn't alone.

Their gazes connected for a brief instant, in spite of the crowd around them. Everything else ceased to exist at that moment, at least until her eyes moved to his left. Killian's left arm was placed around the shoulders of a petite brunette. Belle. His friend. HIS FRIEND. His best friend forever, the one he had grown up with was in the city. With him. Fuck!

Emma knew of Belle's existence, of course. She had met Killian shortly after he had traveled from Ireland with his father and brother after his mother passed away. Belle had been their neighbor, the first person to help them adapt to the differences of a strange country for them. Over time, and after their father abandoned them, the two brothers had moved to a new city in search of new opportunities but they had never lost contact with her.

Although Emma would never acknowledge it out loud, she had always been a bit jealous of Belle; not at a sentimental level, but rather at one related to friendship. Belle was the one who shared the memories of a lifetime with the Jones brothers, while she had to settle for those created during the last four years. They were pretty amazing memories, but not enough, not if she compared them to Belle’s.

She had always managed to hide that irrational jealousy, a fairly easy task considering that Belle didn't even live in the same state. She had always been a distant figure for Emma. 

Until now.

Today she was here with him, and her thoughts began to spiral, gathering in her mind and gradually clouding her mood. 'Why didn’t Killian tell me anything before? Oh! Is that why Liam gave us the weekend off? So that Killian could hang out with Belle? Isn’t she smiling at him too much? Why does he still have his arm around her shoulders?'

Everything went wrong from that moment. He came to where the women were and introduced them to his friend. All Emma managed to hear was how Belle was addressing her, grateful to finally meet her in person, but she barely paid attention. She didn't mind being rude, she’d have time to regret her behavior later. She was busy putting all her efforts into keeping her face straight enough to hide her inner agitation. He, on the other hand, also acted strangely as he met them, glancing around absently, shifting his weight from foot to foot, hand scratching the back of his ear.

After a few minutes of awkward conversation, Emma just left the bar, alluding that she was tired, with Elsa following on her heels without saying a word while Anna remained there, chatting with Belle and Killian. 

Fuck, Fuck! Why on earth had he ended up in the same bar as her? As if there wasn’t an endless amount of bars in the damn city.

 Emma came back to reality when she realized that the cab had finally stopped in front of her building. She didn’t even bother to pay, she left the vehicle quickly, thinking that perhaps, if she hurried enough, she could reach her bedroom and lock herself in there, thus preventing Elsa's interrogation.

Luck was not on her side tonight, of course. She lost precious minutes trying to find the keys inside her purse, as a series of curses escaped her mouth. “Where are my damn keys?" she muttered in frustration.

It was then that Emma remembered she had left her keys forgotten inside the apartment, something that didn’t concern her at all at first since Elsa accompanied her. She groaned, smacking her forehead slightly against the door. 

How could she be so stupid?

"Were you looking for these?" Elsa arrived at that moment, her hand held up holding her keys and an inquisitive look on her face.

A sigh of resignation escaped her mouth as she stepped aside, allowing Elsa to finally open the door, the possibilities of locking herself in her bedroom without having to give any explanation completely vanished.

Still, she was reluctant to confess. If she had managed to keep the secret of her feelings for... an eternity, why should she give any explanation now? Maybe if she dropped herself on the couch and pretended to fall asleep…

In fact, that was the first thing she did as soon as she entered the apartment and removed her heels. She collapsed on the sofa, covering her face with her right arm.

"Okay, enough. I thought the ride home would calm you down, but it seems like it's not like that, so tell me, what's going on, Emma?" Elsa's soft voice reached her ears but she did not respond at first, remaining in stubborn silence.

Elsa sighed and for a moment Emma thought she would let things be. She was wrong, of course. "Since the night has been ruined, I have a few hours to go, so I'm going to sit right here, right in front of you, and I'll wait for you to stop behaving like a child. I'm an older sister, remember. I know all the tricks."

Emma moaned inwardly, finally giving up and sitting down. "It's nothing, I was just tired,” she mumbled, avoiding her friend's gaze.

"Tired..." Elsa cocked her head slightly as she narrowed her eyes. "You know I'm not buying it, right? Come on, Emma, I know you always keep to yourself how you feel, but I also know this never ends well. So tell me, what's wrong?"

What’s wrong? That's what I want to know, she thought. She wasn’t able —or more like she didn’t want to — put a label on her feelings, at least out loud. Killian was her best friend, for the love of God. Since both of them worked in the same place, they spent most of the time together, either in the bar or in either one’s apartment, or having dinner with Liam... But this situation had caught her off guard and it had served to realize that perhaps she wasn’t going to keep Killian for herself forever. A groan escaped her mouth at the thought of that, though she sealed her lips hastily, unwilling to voice aloud how she felt.

Elsa looked at her expectantly for a few seconds, but seeing that Emma was remaining silent, she sighed again showing her frustration. However, she didn’t give up, much to Emma’s dismay. "Okay, you're not going to talk, so I'll have to figure it out for myself." Her eyes narrowed and her brow wrinkled in thought. "The night was going well, we were having fun, we had just got our drinks..."

Don’t go that way…

"Then we met Killian. We were talking for a while..."

Don’t.

Her eyes widened when she finally realized. "Oh my God! This was all about Killian! But why? Did he say something that bothered you or..."

No, no, go back, go back.

"He wasn't alone... he wasn't alone! This is because of Belle!" 

Emma moaned in response, putting her hands on her face.

"Emma..." Her voice softened. "You kept telling me Killian was just a friend, a very close friend, okay, but nothing more."

"It's the truth," she replied, not proud of the unconvincing tone of her voice.

"But you feel something more for him, don’t you?" Elsa insisted in a gentle but firm voice. Emma didn't even bother to answer this time. Her friend took her silence as an admission as she continued on that path. "Since when?"

Since when? Since ever? Since she entered The Kraken for the first time to do a job interview four years ago. Since the first thing she saw when she entered the bar was the hottest man she had ever met playing the guitar and singing. Since she met the deep ocean of his gaze as he continued singing as if he did it just for her... Oh, God ... "For a while," she mumbled.

"For a while," Elsa echoed her words. "You're telling me you've had feelings for Killian for some time, and you're not gonna do anything about it?"

"That’s exactly what I’m saying."

"Oh, Emma, you know that at some point you'll have to open your heart again, right? We're talking about Killian; not all men are like Neal or Walsh.” 

The mere mention of their names caused her to flinch, another sign of how broken her heart was still due to those two assholes. As if feeling her discomfort, Elsa approached and sat down beside her, taking her hand in hers and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I don’t want to risk losing what I have with Killian." The connection she felt with him went far beyond physical attraction. It was something difficult to explain in words, but that connection caused endless sensations swirling inside her. She didn't want those feelings to ever end. "I would rather keep him as a friend than lose him forever." 

"But this is affecting you, Emma. Just look at your reaction from tonight. By the way, how could you be jealous of Belle? Besides, he's surrounded by girls all the time, flirting and flattering them. You witness that every day."

"It's not the same," Emma replied in a weak voice, feeling an incipient headache approaching. How could she explain how she felt? "At the end of the day, that's just a role. He doesn’t hook up any of those girls, hasn’t for quite some time anyway. We just close the bar and go home. But today... " She paused, trying to gather her thoughts. "It's not just for his friend.” Although she couldn’t deny that for a moment Belle had been a threat. Once again, the feeling of not being enough had made an appearance. “Before he approached us, he looked happy and carefree. He not only had Belle by his side, but he could also have been able to get any of the girls from the bar."

"Maybe he would have chosen you..."

"No." She shook her head firmly. "It's... I didn’t expect to see him there, even less to see him accompanied by a woman, but everything is going to return to normal. It's the best thing for us.” She tried to convince herself, stubbornly ignoring Elsa's hopeful gaze. She wasn’t going to risk their friendship... 

Damn it! She was so fucked up.

//

Killian Jones - October 2019, present day

What a weird night!

Not only the night, actually. A strange sensation had accompanied him throughout the day. It was as if, after his brother had given them the whole weekend off, he didn't know what to do with that unexpected free time, apart from lying on the couch with Netflix as his only companion. Especially when he couldn't count on Emma as a source of entertainment either since she had decided to spend a girls' night with her friends.

But in a matter of minutes, everything had taken an unexpected turn. His childhood friend, Belle, had called by surprise for a brief visit. She would be in the city for less than a day, but had the afternoon off, so Killian quickly formulated an improvised plan.

That's how he'd ended up in the same bloody bar Emma had come to. Seriously, what were the odds? Of course, he blamed himself for having flatly refused to take Belle to The Kraken. — It's my free night, love. The last thing I want is to spend the evening in the same place as always. I know you want to see Liam, but he will be with you at the airport tomorrow .—

"Killian? Are you sure you're okay?"

Belle’s voice, coming from beside him, took him out of his reverie. He cleared his throat before answering. "Sure, love, just tired." He felt Belle's gaze scrutinizing him, but she just nodded without adding anything else.

They continued walking in silence, his hands in the pockets of his jeans and Belle's arm hanging from the hollow formed by his arm. It was a warm night, despite being in early October, so they had decided to walk back to the hotel where Belle was staying.

For a few minutes, he tried to focus on anything, the weather, Belle, the sounds of the street, but all his thoughts invariably ended up with one name that night. Emma Swan. So, despite the momentary interruption, his mind bent to remind him again and again of the situation he had lived merely an hour earlier.

 The choice of the bar had been totally random. It turned out to be the closest to the hotel where Belle was staying. But luck wasn’t on his side that night, or maybe it was because, within minutes of entering the bloody bar, a vision appeared before his eyes. A vision that was becoming his downfall. Emma Swan.

The person he had been secretly in love with for four years was right in front of his eyes. 

It was a pleasant surprise since he was so used to seeing her every day that, although he could not be happier to have a free Friday night, the possibility of not seeing Emma for a whole day was not so appealing.

At least he had been lucky enough to notice Emma before she realized his presence there, which implied that he would be able to put into practice one of his favorite hobbies, observe Emma while she wasn't looking.

No, he wasn't a stalker, but he enjoyed those little moments, such as seeing Emma with a wrinkle of concentration across her brow as she edited photographs, sitting in her favorite corner of the bar. Or watching how she got into the role of a tough lass when one of the customers tried to go too far with her. He also enjoyed hearing how she hummed his songs when she believed he was not listening. Or watching as she slept, unable to stay awake on one of their Netflix nights. 

He treasured those little moments as something precious, something that made Emma more real, but that at the same time served as a reminder that those moments were the most he was going to get from her. She was seemingly unreachable.

What he saw at that moment took his breath away. She was impressive that night. Not only did she look sexier than ever, but her eyes glowed in a special way, and her carefree smile did nothing to placate his agitation. When their gazes finally met through the crowd, it was as if everything else ceased to exist. At least for a few seconds. 

He then approached her and the spell broke.

The smile faded from her lips the moment he met her and introduced her to Belle. From there she began to act quite strangely, avoiding his glance, answering with monosyllables, becoming even a little rude to Belle. Why did she act like that? Was it because of him? They had talked in the morning and everything was normal. What was it then?

A feeling of unease settled in the pit of his stomach, something unusual in reference to Emma. His relationship with her had always been easy; they shared such a special connection. Unfortunately, that connection didn’t help him tonight, because he not only seemed unable to understand her strange attitude, but he himself began to act strangely.

After the first few minutes of awkward conversation, an idea began to settle in his head. Emma might feel uncomfortable about his unexpected appearance because she was looking for something different that night. Maybe a one-night stand... The mere idea made him feel sick to his stomach. When was the last time she...? No, he didn't even want to remember it.

For his luck or misfortune, Emma excused herself after only a few minutes, alluding to the fact that she was tired and saying goodbye with just a nod. Elsa, her friend, followed her, not before giving both him and her sister an apologetic look. 

Anna stayed with them for a few more minutes, but then she also left with the excuse that she was going to meet her boyfriend Kristoff in a nearby bar now that the girls’ night had been ruined. In a matter of a few minutes, he found himself alone again with Belle and with the endless troubled thoughts that had begun to gather in his head.

 “Killian?”

Belle's voice brought him back to reality again, noticing then that they had just reached the hotel entrance. Killian scratched behind his ear, casting an apologetic glance towards his friend. "My apologies, love. I got a bit distracted."

"Oh, I can see that." Belle crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her head slightly, her eyes filled with curiosity. "Now, are you going to tell me what's happening?"

Killian swallowed, averting his gaze and directing it toward his feet. His feelings for Emma were something only he knew and he had every intention of keeping that fact hidden. That made things easier. "I don’t know what you're talking about, love," he mumbled, keeping his gaze on his feet.

“Oh, please.” He didn't even need to look at her to know she was rolling her eyes. “You've been acting strange from the very moment we met Emma. It was an awkward moment there at the bar, not just for you, but for her as well.”

"Ah, about that. I apologize on her behalf. Emma ..." Why was it suddenly difficult for him to even pronounce her name? He let out a deep exhale while rubbing his eyes before turning his gaze back to Belle. "She doesn’t act that way normally."

"You don't need to apologize." Belle stared at him for a few seconds before continuing. "She's not just a friend anymore, is she?"

“I don’t know what you are talking about, love." He plastered a fake smile on his face before continuing. "Emma is my friend, that's all." He was not lying actually. They were just friends, though all the fibers of his being craved for something else.

Belle held his gaze for a few seconds longer, as if she wanted to go through his armor and reach his secrets. Finally, she sighed, giving up. "Whatever you say, but you should talk to her at some point. There was a weird tension there. Whatever it is, you should fix it." She raised her index finger in warning.

"It's Liam's fault. He makes us work so hard that when we find ourselves with so much unexpected free time, we don’t know how to act. We’re not used to it." Killian tried to lighten the mood with an ingenious comment that would divert attention.

"Oh, of course, blame your brother. He's such a slaver." She rolled her eyes again as she let out a snort. But then her gaze softened, her hand caressing his arm gently. "You know it's time to move on, right?"

A lump in his throat kept him from speaking for a few seconds. He nodded, the corners of his lips pulled up in a small smile. If only she knew that he had already decided to move on for some time... But the fear of losing Emma had him paralyzed. He was unable to consider taking their relationship a step further. At least not until Emma was ready. And as it was currently with their situation, that didn’t seem to be happening any time soon. But he preferred to have what they shared now than to have absolutely nothing.

"Talk to her, or to your brother," she asked, pulling him into a tight embrace.

"Have a safe flight, Belle. We’ll talk soon."

After saying goodbye to his friend with the promise of seeing her soon, Killian was reluctant to go home. The image of Emma in that ethereal dress and that dazzling smile didn’t stop tormenting him. The fact that her smile had turned into almost a grimace when she noticed him didn’t allow him to think of anything else. 

The restlessness and confusion that he felt, far from appeasing him, had settled in his stomach. He had to do something to distract his mind. That's how he ended up at The Kraken, with the full intention that music and rum would cloud his senses enough to get Emma out of his system, at least for a while.

Liam noticed him the moment he entered through The Kraken's door despite the crowd, showing off his sixth sense towards him. Fortunately, he was serving some other customers, so Killian was spared the inquisitive glances of his brother. 

He chose the bar area farthest from Liam and collapsed on one of the stools. He would have preferred if one of the two new bartenders were to serve him; they would have treated him as one more customer. But it was Robin, one of their oldest bartenders, the one in charge of that section of the bar, so he had no choice but to resign himself while waving his hand to get his attention.

"You look like shit, mate," Robin said while putting a shot of rum in front of him. At least he didn't need to even bother talking, his friend already knew his favorite poison. "And what the hell are you doing here on your night off?"

"Missed me?" he wiggled his eyebrows before schooling his features so as not to betray his inner turmoil.

"Actually I miss Emma, she's much nicer than you."

The fake smile faded from his face at the mere mention of her name. Luckily for him, Fridays were a busy night at The Kraken, so Robin’s attention was required by another customer, leaving him finally alone with his thoughts and his rum.

He brought the glass to his lips, letting the amber liquid slide down his throat, feeling the pleasant burn on its way to his stomach. Only when alcohol entered his system did he feel the courage to take the phone out of his pocket. He wondered if it would be a good idea to contact Emma, his fingers sliding across the screen without ever pressing Emma's name. After a moment of hesitation, he finally decided. He couldn’t leave things like this.

  Did I do something tonight to bother you? - KJ

Emma answered instantly, to his pleasant surprise.

Hey! No more than usual. ;p Why do you ask? - ES

A sigh of relief escaped his mouth, not just by her words but by the inclusion of that emoji. It was amazing how two simple characters could conceal so much meaning.

You acted strange tonight - KJ

No more than you... I was just tired - ES

Aye, me too - KJ

By the way, I'd like to apologize to Belle. I acted like an asshole to her. - ES

Nah, it's okay. Are you sure you're fine? - KJ

Promise. And you? - ES

I'm fine too. Ah! You looked stunning tonight, love. - KJ

You were not so bad yourself :) - ES

Any plans for tomorrow? - KJ

Pizza and Netflix? - ES

My apartment or yours? - KJ

Yours. Since Liam will be working, we'll be able to choose freely. - ES

Smart lass. Night Swan. - KJ

Night Killian - ES

 A sigh of relief escaped between his lips as he felt a weight removed from him, his lips pulling at a smile as he continued to stare at the screen.

"What are you doing here?" Killian looked up from the phone to find Liam, arms folded across his chest and a scrutinizing look on his face. "I seem to remember that I gave you the night off."

Killian grabbed his glass and raised his hand to Liam as if to toast. He took a sip of the drink before answering. "I'm here as a customer, brother."

At that moment, Liam reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out his phone. Killian watched as his brother's brow furrowed as he stared at the screen. He also detected Liam's eyes briefly straying to look slyly at him. A strange sensation washed over him as he stirred uncomfortably in his seat. This couldn’t be good.

Liam carefully placed the phone on the counter and folded his arms over his chest again. "So... what's wrong with Emma?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" His heart tightened into knots as his gaze drifted to Liam's phone. Little traitor. .. he thought. What the hell was he thinking when he decided it was a good idea to come to the bloody bar?

"Enlighten me, little brother."

Killian loved his brother, but he could be a real pain in the ass sometimes, pressing all his weak points until he ended up pissing him off. This time his tolerance level was so low that he only needed a little spark to light the wick of his anger.

He clenched his jaw as he felt a growing rage running through his veins, urging him to act. Out of the corner of his eye, Killian glanced at his brother's phone one last time, and in a swift, fluid movement that left no chance of a reaction from Liam, he seized the device.

Liam's eyes widened in surprise at his brother's maneuver, but then he reacted, grunting as he tried to reach for the phone. "Give me my bloody phone, Killian!"

"Ah, ah!" Killian moved away from the bar, enough so that his brother couldn’t reach him and without further delay read the contents of the last message received.

Hey, Liam! We missed you this evening. I met Emma, at last. But I think something happened between her and Killian. Ask him, it seems that our "bro" has something to tell us. See you tomorrow. - Belle

"Bloody hell." The words slipped out of Killian's mouth without him doing anything to stop it. "She's such a traitorous lass," he hissed, the urge to throw the phone against the nearest wall almost uncontrollable.

Bloody hell... he repeated, this time to himself. He began to feel like a fish out of water, desperately in need of air. Killian had for so long hidden his feelings in front of his brother that he found it extremely difficult to expose them now; especially because he was fully aware that Liam would be excited at first for him, but then he’d feel as if someone threw a jug of cold water on him when he discovered that, whatever Killian felt towards Emma Swan, nothing was going to change their relationship.

Killian returned slowly to his seat, placing Liam's phone on the counter again. He gestured to the bartender on the other side of the bar to get another drink; the idea of confessing his feelings with more alcohol running through his system seemed more appropriate under the circumstances.

"You know it's rude to read private messages from someone else," Liam said to him in that calm, characteristic tone of his, one that was hiding a condescending hue that annoyed Killian enormously.

"Not if that damn message speaks about oneself," he mumbled. Killian didn't care at that moment if he behaved like a rebel teenager in front of his father.

"Have you argued with Emma? What is it this time? Netflix, the choice of dinner?"

"How many times do I have to tell you? Stop treating us like children. I'm not your son and Emma is obviously not your daughter."

"Then act like an adult and tell me what's going on."

"It's nothing. We met Emma in a bar. I don’t know what Belle was talking about."

"Okay." Liam grabbed his phone and began to slide his fingers across the screen.

A sensation of panic settled in the pit of his stomach. "What are you doing?"

"Calling Emma, of course."

"Don't you dare, brother," he hissed, casting a murderous glare at Liam as he again regretted coming here. What on earth was I thinking?

Liam seemed to think better of it because, after staring at him for a few seconds, he sighed and put the phone back on the counter. He then changed his attitude, softening his features as he addressed Killian. "Listen, it's obvious that something is happening. You know I care a lot about Emma. I just need you to tell me if everything's okay with her, brother."

Seeing his brother's face full of sincere concern stirred something inside Killian so, without even stopping to think of what he was doing, he confessed, kind of.

"It's nothing, really. We met her unexpectedly. For some reason, she started acting in an offhand way when she saw us and after a few minutes, she just left. But I texted her a few minutes ago and everything was fine." After a pause, he continued almost without being aware of what he was about to say. "I thought at first that my presence might have bothered her, in case I might be interfering in some way, preventing some guy from approaching her, but it seems she was just tired."

Liam's features changed subtly, as if a flash of realization crossed his face. His eyes widened slightly as one eyebrow rose slightly. "And that would have been a problem for you?"

Killian closed his eyes as he sighed. After two deep breaths, he set out to confess for the first time in four years. "Aye, it would."

Liam's eyes widened even more as a smile began to appear on his face, a smile in which his brother was depositing his relief and his hopes. Something that, unfortunately, Killian would have to cut.

"Before you start to get your hopes up. Yes, I have feelings for Emma. No, I do not think she feels the same, or at least I don’t think she's ready yet to open her heart. So nothing is going to change between us. Emma is my friend and so it will remain until she decides otherwise."

"Does Emma know?"

"About my feelings? Of course not."

After the initial impact of the confession, Liam seemed to react. He shook his head and brushed his eyes with one hand. "How could I know nothing? I mean, I know you care about her, and that you two are very good friends, but how did you manage to hide your feelings from me? I spend most of the damn time with you two!"

Killian ignored him, suddenly exhausted after the events of the day. But before he went home, he had to make sure of something. "Promise me you won’t tell Emma anything."

"Killian..."

"No, just promise me. Let me do this my way."

With a sigh, Liam agreed. "Okay, but promise me something in return. Promise me you'll be careful, okay? You finally have a chance to be happy, brother. Do not miss it, please. And don't hurt her."

The corners of his lips rose slightly at Liam's words. It was no secret that his brother adored Emma in a fraternal sense and that he cared for her almost as much as himself. He couldn't be more grateful that she had such a support group around her.

"Believe me, Liam, that would be the last of my intentions."

His initial idea when he arrived at the bar was to wait for his brother until closing time came and then return home together. But after what happened, he changed his mind. His only desire was to lock himself in his bedroom, bury his head under the pillow, and try to sleep with the vain idea that Emma's image wouldn’t appear in his dreams to torment him.

After finishing his drink, he murmured "I'll see you at home" to his brother while he waved and left the premises.

His walk home meant being alone with his thoughts. Far from vanishing, Emma's vision became even more powerful, filling all his thoughts. His mind was determined to remind him of the image of Emma in that damn dress that molded to all her curves and that neckline that hinted at what was forbidden to him. His body started to react, liquid heat heading straight south. By the time he got home, his pants were tight, a series of curses escaping from his mouth. He was helpless.

Killian reached his bedroom and undressed without bothering to put on his pajamas. He collapsed in bed, the need for release was almost painful so he had no choice but to take care of himself. As the strokes increased in pressure and speed, Emma's image became more real in his mind; her pink lips silently begging to be kissed, her defiant glance, her perfect body. His release came at last as he pronounced her name between pants, imagining that Emma was the one with her hand around his length. Bloody hell... 

He was so fucked up.

//

Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think :)

What to expect in the next chapter? We'll have another flashback of Emma's early months at the bar and we'll also see Liam's first attempt to push them together.

[saltpepperbeard]

A Jotato’s THG Story (novel?)

So a few days ago, the lovely @everlarkedalways asked me to Weave My THG Tale™. And, in being VERY on brand in regards for my THG Story, I’m late to the party lol! Mostly because of work, partly because I was avoiding Ballad spoilers, and a tad bit because...I’m a potato. BUT, now that I am free of any large projects and finally have Ballad in my hands, I’m finally able to look past my potato roots and talk about how a certain wATER POTATO ARCHER CHANGED MY LIFE lmao.

Ara has jokes though, let me tell you. “Keep it short” l m a o; THIS IS ABOUT TO BE A NOVEL AND WE KNOW IT. ARE YOU READING BALLAD? HERE’S A NEW 500 PAGE BOOK FOR YOU TBH-

I’ve told this story a few times before, but it’s always delightful to look back on things and see all the twists and turns I’ve experienced with this franchise. The most notable being, I started out HATING Hunger Games lol!

I was in ninth grade when THG started to become like, a global phenomenon. Everyone was reading it, everyone was talking about it, and it was everywhere. And for whatever reason, instead of actually sitting down and, idk, GIVING IT A TRY LMAO, my reaction instead was to DESPISE IT. Guess it was that edgy, irate, “I’m ABOVE the general masses ha look at me,” fresh-out-of-middle-school mentality. And also, my justification for hating it so much was along the lines of, “Wow it’s just a series about kids killing each other? WHAT’S THE APPEAL???”

Which like fjlksjdksds...If I could look back on my early 2012 self?

She had no idea what was in store for her lmao.

Anyway, the premiere of the movie came and went, and I was still hard set in my ways. THAT WAS, until that same summer. I can’t exactly remember which clips I stumbled upon first? But I know I came across the Joshifer+Liz Banks interview, and also a ton of Perfectly Legal Movie Clips™ on YouTube. Both of which silently chained my soul without me realizing LMAO. I remember thinking that the main actors were so cute and played off each other well (AGAIN LMAO, GIRL, BIG STORM COMING), and also remember being totally intrigued by all the clips I watched. It was mainly clips of Katniss in the arena, and I think it made me realize that wow hey, there’s an ACTUAL STORY HERE, WITH A FEMALE PROTAGONIST NO LESS.

The story gets a tad fuzzy for me here, but I do believe I got the books and quickly read through them shortly after I essentially watched the entire movie on YouTube through clips jdksljdks. I can’t really recall what I thought about the books really? Because, I think I BREEZED through them. I was so excited that I just ZOOMED TF THROUGH. I inhaled the series in one GIANT GULP. I think I even read THG in a single day jdlsjklaads. It definitely wasn’t a cautious read through to get a better sense of the detail and literary devices. 

BUT, despite my excitement, I still hadn’t reached the God Tier “OBSESSIVE” stage yet. The light bulb hadn’t fully come on yet. It wasn’t until late 2013 when Catching Fire came out that I REALLY STARTED TO GO BALLISTIC LMAO. Actually, one of my fondest THG memories comes from this time, because I think it was really like, the OFFICIAL starting block for my obsession.

I was riding on a bus to a Theatre Competition, and my best friend had just gotten the CF Soundtrack for us to listen to. I remember being absolutely enamored with it- Mirrors, We Remain, and Lean in particular. And idk, something at that point just kind of told me that Catching Fire was going to be my anchor. Sure enough, after the competition was over, said friend and I went to go see the movie together.

And I astral projected lmao. I ACHIEVED HUNGER GAMES ENLIGHTENMENT. THE LIGHT BULB SWITCHED TF ON.

I was quick to see it again the following day, and I think saw it another two times in theaters after that. I also started drawing fanart of it, and looking for more pictures/interviews. And the want for more content, the DESIRE to go crazy about it, is what eventually lead me to finding the fandom here on Tumblr. I had had a Tumblr since 2012, but never really used it with a purpose. But when I realized there were people posting all sorts of stuff about THG? Boom- another light bulb. I followed tons of people, and officially changed my url to what it is today. “Star’s” for my internet alias at the time, and “Mahogany” for my love of Effie/that Iconic Line.

HOWEVER LOL, Tumblr would lead me towards a different side, something I didn’t expect to get pulled into so hard at all. Because, I distinctly remember coming on one night in December of 2013, and seeing @joshmopolitan and a few others posting about Josh going to the UK game. And that of course, lead me down the Celebrity Rabbit Hole, and lead me towards the Chaotic, Wonderful, Crazy-

JOSHIFER FANDOM.

((Also, before you crinkle your nose, *raises cane* BACK IN MY DAY, EVERYONE SHIPPED JOSHIFER LOL. *Snow voice* DON’T LIE. Like, everyone thought they were cute to some sort of degree, or believed they were going to get together. Shoutout to the Joshifer Golden Days, man.))

And thank goodness for it tbh. Because it was JUST when I was itching to write fanfiction with everyone else, and just when I was struggling HARDCORE with writing Everlark. @joshmopolitan and @youarebeingridiculous were sort of my introductions into RPF, with @youarebeingridiculous giving me nudges towards my first Everlark fic, before also nudging me towards my first Joshifer fic. And when my first Joshifer fic garnered attention/when I had a blast writing it? ANOTHER. LIGHT. BULB LOL.

So I was dead af from that point on. I was absolutely drawn in. Even though I was still invested in THG, Joshifer was definitely my main focus from 2014-2016ish. I was there for the typical ship wars, there to read and write all the fanfiction, there to read all the theories, and there to partake in all the crazy moments. Shoutout to Cannes 2014 in particular lmao; I was in the car and my phone started going off like CRAZY, with many of my friends SCREAMING at me about the events/articles that had transpired.

Being attached to Joshifer also allowed me to write my first, and so far only, full length, These Words are a Lie. It started out as just a four part series, two parts of which I actually published. Befffooorrre getting to the third part and realizing I had WAY too much to deal with/explain/write, which consequently lead to me pulling them down and expanding upon them! And thus my messy, lovely, 25 chapter peanut journey started lmao. Though I look back on it now and realize how disjointed it was, I’m so thankful I was able to see that story completely through. I’m also very thankful for the SUPPORT and following it got. Wouldn’t have gotten through without y’all! 

ANYWAY LMAO, because this is my THG story and not my Joshifer story, let’s get back to that. 2014 was WHACK because...LG was utterly tripping with its promotional material. And to think, it was just the START of odd/lacking promo, seeing as they were SOMEHOW WORSE WITH MJ2 LMAO. But even though I was incredibly salty at the time, it was so fun to be mad and chomping at the bit with everyone else lol. The SUFFERING OF NOT HAVING ANY NEW CONTENT BROUGHT US CLOSER TOGETHER. Also, going to Best Buy to watch the teaser trailer under Heavy Guard??? Was an EXPERIENCE LOL??? But man was I so stoked to get my poster and pin, because that was some of the first merch I got!

ALSO, MJ1 was the time where I got the idea to create a small YouTube series called “Tributes React.” I really really wish I could have been in the fandom earlier, because it would have been, dare I say, FIRE LOL to react to more than just the MJ1 and MJ2 trailers. But it was so so fun regardless, and everyone’s participation was incredible! And now all of our early, embarrassing, INTENSE fangirling is stuck here/memorialized forever PFFFF.

And, not to mention, Fran Solo himself watched one of them. Someone tweeted the video at him, and he tweeted back that it made all the hard times worth it. MY GREATEST FANDOM ACCOMPLISHMENT RIGHT THERE???

And finally getting to watch MJ1 in theaters lmao omg. I went with my friend before, and also one of my guy friends. And the entire time, he was HARD STARING AT ME WAITING FOR ME TO CRY LOL. SO HE COULD TEASE ME. AND HE GOT HIS WISH BECAUSE OF COURSE THE LAST 30 MINUTES OR SO UTTERLY RUINED ME. I remember shivering so so SO bad when the rescue mission for Peeta started, and having to hold my friends’ hands when they were creeping through the Tribute Center, and utterly SOBBING when Peeta attacked Katniss. Because...hello...I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again...WAY WAY MORE INTENSE THAN THE BOOK LMAO??

And then came the beginning of the end. I remember that promo time was even DRYER for MJ2 lmao, and that we were all DYING. Like, I think the big trailer didn’t release until like, SEPTEMBER??? WHICH...LG WHAT THE ACTUAL-

And we were also back to watching trailers in Best Buys jfkssdkdlsk. My Best Buy was also DUMB and didn’t have any posters, but @infinitegraces​ was awesome enough to send me numerous copies! Bless you, thank you; I had them on my wall all through college lol! DESPITE THEM BEING A HAUNTING REMINDER OF HOW HARD LG SMACKED US LMAO.

Despite my salt towards the INITIAL promo though, the premieres and what not definitely lead to MJ2 having a special place in my heart. I had just gone off to college, and was a timid, lonely little freshman with nowhere to turn. But the fandom was there for me, and MJ2 promos/premieres gave me something to be excited for. It all kept me going through that ROUGH first semester, and was there for me before I met my best friends. So thank you MJ2, and thank you all for sharing that excitement with me! <3

Also, I’d like to mention that I was SO desperate to continue the tradition of seeing the premiere with my friend thaaaaatttt...I left for Thanksgiving break two or three days early/skipped class JUST to make it back home in time to see it with her lol! I WASN’T HERE TO PLAY GAMES, Y’ALL. THG > ACADEMICS APPARENTLY PFFFF.

After that though, things kind of quieted down. I found friends and activities in college, the movies were done, and Joshifer was dying out. It lead me to use Tumblr sporadically, not posting AS much as I had before. I still had tons of love for everything, and still enjoyed coming on whenever I did!

Then I sort of stumbled upon our “renaissance,” like the lovely @everlarkedalways​ posting re-reads and re-watches. It tugged me in again, and made me excited to post content! I also branched out and began to write Everlark, and began talking about them/the books/meta more than I did in my earlier years. 

And of course, said renaissance lead me to attending TOASTCON LMAO. Which I somehow managed to name. On accident. *Dabs unironically*

That of course, was such an amazing experience. Going to movie filming sites has always been on my bucket list, so getting to go to HUNGER GAMES SITES??? WITH FANDOM PEOPLE???? GOD TIER??????

I was also suffering from major panic/anxiety problems that summer, having just graduated college and being thrown out in the Real World™. So once again, THG and its fandom were there for me when nothing else could be. And despite me feeling off mentally, despite me feeling plagued by fatigue, I still thoroughly enjoyed meeting everyone/having such a once in a lifetime experience. Also, getting to FLEX on my friends when we watch the movies and go like “I WAS THERE! I WAS THERE!! I WAS THERE!!!” is...A Time PFFFF.

Then of course, I started working a full time job, and shifted a bit away from Tumblr/the fandom. Not DELIBERATELY; more like, I was too Mentally Tired to really do much after work. But now that Ballad is here, and now that we have new content once more? I feel like I’m waking back up. Hell, I even went to Atlanta to see MORE film sites right before the virus started to make its rounds.

And so here I am lol! A SEASONED THG VET WITH SEVEN YEARS AND COUNTING UNDER MY BELT. I would very much love to tag everyone who had an impact on me, and/or who I’ve interacted with and shared fun times with over the years. But A. Everyone really out here CONSTANTLY CHANGING THEIR URL’s, and B. The number would be Too Great and I would inevitably forget someone on accident.

SO THEN, if you’re reading this, and we’ve ever shared some kind of THG experience together, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. THG has been such a wondrous experience for me, and it’s lead me to meet all sorts of amazing, talented individuals. It’s also been there for me during darker times, and has supported me in every way possible.

I love you all, I love being here, and HERE’S TO MANY MORE TAGS/RAMBLES IN THE FUTURE LOL! Like lmao, a new movie, you guys??? WHAT??? TRIBUTES REACT ANYONE???

-Jotato Out <3

[seriouslyhooked]

Feels Like This (Part 6)

Emma Swan is a once lost girl who is now making good. She has made a way in the world for her and her young son, Henry, and after years of hard work, Emma is in her last stretch of schooling for the career she’s always wanted. Unexpectedly, she finds herself in a tiny nation no one’s ever heard of for her last year of study. She knows nothing about the place except that it’s beautiful, has a world-renowned child life program, and is filled with possibility. Meanwhile, Prince Killian is hardly happy with the title he received at birth. As the second in line for the crown, Killian has long tried shaking his royal duties. He built a career in the royal navy, and has stayed out of the limelight, but his ship has been called to port indefinitely at the request of his brother, the King. Fate (in her many forms) brings Emma and Killian together and the resulting fic is a cute, fluffy, trope filled romp featuring heart felt moments, a healthy dose of insta-love and an assured happily ever after. Story rated M and will have 12 parts. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5. Available on FF Here and AO3 Here.

A/N: Hey everyone – so I will start this chapter by saying we have quite a bit of intrigue happening here. Some of you may not be thrilled with where I am leaving things, fair warning it is not the fluffiest of places, and some may even call it a dreaded cliff hanger, BUT I promise that the next chapter for this story is already prepped and will be ready for posting next weekend. You will all be way happier with me in the next few chapters, but in the meantime,  I hope you still enjoy the fic and I can’t wait to hear what you all think!

How the fuck did it come to this?

The question had been plaguing him since the moment he left Emma’s side yesterday afternoon and landed in the middle of a political minefield, and he was no closer to an answer about how to get out of this giant mess.

Of course, he knew the facts: yesterday his brother had called him to parliament, a place where Killian very rarely played a role. He hadn’t been there in years, and even then, it was only a formality, but this time he was summoned through some antiquated process no one had ever heard of. What ensued thereafter was nothing short of a disaster. His mandated presence was initially thought to be merely a stall tactic, but then everything flipped and suddenly his brother lost control of what was supposed to be a historic day for the passing of landmark legislation.

Since taking the throne, Liam had been working diligently to change the very system of governing in Montenarro. He wanted more representation for the people, and to have more democratic processes in spite of the presence of the monarchy. He’d worked tirelessly for years to endear his cause to a largely unresponsive parliament, and finally he believed he had enough votes to make a bold and substantial change. He’d even made sure to cover his tracks, getting every signed-on lord to publicly state their support of the bill, but it turned out there were traitors in their midst, and when Killian arrived it became a full-blown spectacle filled with anger and hostility and nonsense.

For nearly an hour Killian bore witness to the political betrayal and the humiliation that followed. A group of usurpers, led by a Viscount with a long held vendetta, proceeded to fill the hallowed halls of parliament with lies and slander and speculation. Most of it actually centered around Killian, and all of it was completely preposterous. These lords were ‘suspicious’ of his absence from public life since being discharged from the navy, of his hesitancy to return to his role as Prince, and of his lack of ‘direction.’ The men went on and on about what kind of message it sent to the people when leaders failed to lead and represent the interests of the citizenry. It was absolutely ridiculous and infuriating. He’d been out of the military for one month – one month! – and apparently failing to return to center stage in that time made him untrustworthy and ‘wayward.’ There was absolutely no consideration for what he’d gone through in serving at all. In the end it didn’t matter – he was always a prince before he was a man, and expectations didn’t waiver, no matter what he’d given to this country or its people.

Liam, to his credit, was absolutely furious, and he’d made sure to lambast the men who criticized Killian, pointing out their dishonor and their disrespect for men and women in uniform. He reminded them all of how out of touch one must be to assume that a man or woman who’d been on active deployment and been party to war would want to just jump back into the fray with no caution or hesitations. Every soldier was different, and every single one of them deserved respect when they’d fought valiantly and enduringly for the country’s safety and interests. It helped Killian to hear his brother’s candid disdain for these men and their actions, and though they had never really discussed the ghosts of Killian’s service, it reminded Killian that Liam understood and that he valued the sacrifice he made all these years. But still it all came to nothing. The lords did not bow to any call for decency, the bill never was presented, the motion was halted, and despite how ridiculous it all was, a nefarious dialogue had been started. Now some people were curious about where Killian was and what he was doing, putting Liam in an incredibly uncomfortable place. In fact, it was so bad a situation that he’d done something he had never done before – he’d gone back on a promise he made to Killian.

That reneging of his word was the ultimate show of dishonor in Liam’s eyes, but it didn’t help Killian that his brother was sick over this choice. Killian was still being sacrificed in a way for the sake of saving face, and the way it would be done meant that Killian was, for lack of a better phrasing, royally screwed. He was totally and completely fucked, because right now, within the next, oh ten minutes or so, he’d be leaving with his family in the royal precession headed for the capital. It was one of the nation’s most cherished holidays, a celebration of independence and military success, but Killian had missed it for years and intended to miss it this year as well. He hadn’t felt ready for such a moment, loud, rambunctious, and public as it was. He’d been nowhere near crowds like this in many years, and the sound of fireworks and sparklers might trigger something in him, along with the high intensity of the crowd itself. But when Liam requested this, Killian kept those fears quiet. He was ashamed to admit that weakness, and now he was making a huge public appearance, one of the largest of the year. Still in spite of all the anxiety that would come just from the processions, it wasn’t even the worst part. No, the worst part was that – through the agonizing stupidity of his own choices – he still had not told Emma the truth.

This lack of disclosure did not come from lack of trying. He’d been forced to remain in chambers in Parliament without his phone until almost midnight, and by then it was too late to call her or go and see her face to face. Emma was asleep for the night and he couldn’t bring himself to tell her in a voicemail. He’d then decided to go to her this morning, but there was physically no way for him to do so. Every route, and he did mean every route, from the palace to her house was blocked off for the processions or being monitored by the media. It was truly nightmarish. As such, he’d done the only thing he could think to do. He wrote out his feelings to her, his worries and his confession. It was long, it was ugly, but it was real. In the letter he apologized profusely for never telling her the truth. He acknowledged that any pain she would feel was his fault and his alone, and he practically begged her to give him another chance. As soon as it was written he entrusted it to one of Jefferson’s team and he waited twenty minutes for confirmation that it was delivered to her home.

The seconds ticked by while he waited for her reply, slowly and terribly, and finally he caved and sent her a text. It said he was thinking of her, and reiterated his intention to talk to her more tonight. Now here he was, hours later, and he’d still heard nothing. He was in excruciating pain, and the only thing worse than not knowing where Emma stood was that he was forced into the customs and practices of this holiday. He was made to go along with a song and dance he hated, and now he was wearing his royal regalia, feeling a fool and a sham and a downright wretch.

“That collar is not going to get any more comfortable for fidgeting with it,” his grandmother’s voice said, drawing his attention back to where he was, outside waiting for the procession to begin from the castle grounds.

His mother and grandmother were set to ride in the coach as he and Liam rode behind them on horseback, but his grandmother wasn’t interested in complying with the order to sit patiently and wait until the very last minute. Instead she ushered him towards her, and began straightening his royal suit. She tidied all his medals and the pins of his military service, and made sure each line of his jacket was crisp and clean. It was clearly something she’d been doing for many years, and the action came naturally to her, so much more so than for Killian.

“For someone who detests the charade of royal life, you really do look so handsome.”

“Thank you, Gran,” he said, but he didn’t mean it. The words were kindly given, but impossible to value when there was so much else he was desperate to engage with.

“But there’s something more, isn’t there? You’re worried about this. Why? Because it’s been a while?” He shook his head. “Is there somewhere you’d rather be?”

He bit back the retort that there were about a million places he would rather be, but she knew his feelings. “There’s a woman isn’t there?” Bloody hell, how had she figured that out?

“Aye,” Killian admitted after a moment’s hesitation. It was no use hiding from his Gran. The old woman was like a blood hound, drawn into the smallest scent and hell bent on tracking until the truth was out.

“And you’re missing her now, are you?” his grandmother said with a nod. “Good. Real loves never bloom for the faint of heart. A good dose of yearning, and a little bit of missing your fair maiden won’t kill anyone. It’s just one day, dear.”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that, Gran.”

“Things usually are. I’m assuming she’s not from any of the royal circles. If she were there’d be far more chatter afoot. Not a one of those ladies of court can keep a secret. It’s positively ludicrous.”

“She has nothing to do with this world,” Killian agreed, woeful at the fact that she might reject it, but so glad Emma was not like those other women. She was so much more wonderful for being real and genuine. He would never change a thing about her. It was everyone else who should change as far as he was concerned.

“She’s uneasy with you being a prince, isn’t she?”

“She will be.”

“Will be?” his grandmother asked, her brows furrowing together in a look of actual concern. “I’m sorry, my dear. I don’t understand.”

“She didn’t know, Gran. She’s not from here. She’s a woman I met at the Institute. Her name is Emma.”

“Emma,” his grandmother said, nodding, like this announcement of his affection for a stranger who worked at their family’s charity was the most natural thing he’d ever said to her, despite the fact that he’d never mentioned to any of his family how much Emma meant to him. “But what do you mean she didn’t know? You mean about the holiday service?”

“About any of it. She didn’t realize I’m a prince. I’ve only just told her this morning in a letter.”

“That’s not possible,” his grandmother said and then her hand came up to cover her mouth in what could only be described as horror. “Oh my word. You’re serious. This morning? A letter?! Killian, what were you thinking?!”

“I wasn’t,” he admitted, running a hand through his hair in distress. His grandmother’s agitation only added to his own. “I’ve gone about things all wrong, Gran. I know that.”

“Explain it to me, Killian. Make me understand. How did it come to this?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t. At first I thought she knew who I was, and then she didn’t and it was selfish of me not to tell her-,”

“You can say that again,” his grandmother quipped, seemingly annoyed on Emma’s behalf though she didn’t even know her. “Foolishness. Pure foolishness.”

“I know I’ve messed up. I’ve known it all along, but if you knew her, you’d understand. I didn’t want to risk it. Emma defies explanation. Special isn’t the term, for she’s so much more than that. I know it was wrong not to tell her front the start, but I just wanted…” He trailed off, knowing it was useless trying to explain.

“You wanted to be yourself, without the title and the attention,” his grandmother said with a sadness in her voice. She knew his heart in this, and she felt for him, but tragically it changed nothing. “Oh my boy, my dear, sweet Killy, this is quite a mess to be in.”

They were both quiet for a moment, thinking to themselves, and Killian felt sick to his stomach at all that he’d done. This was truly all his fault and the guilt was beginning to unravel him. His grandmother though, was not yet done figuring this out. “So what did she say about it all? How did she take the letter?”

“She hasn’t responded,” Killian said hopelessly, bringing his phone up to check again. Yet again, nothing. Silence from his Swan.

“She probably needs time,” his grandmother said sympathetically. “And you’ll give her just as much time as this procession lasts before seeing her.”

“But the events after -,”

“Are not your concern,” his grandmother said vehemently. “You are hereby excused from those.”

“Gran, it’s not that simple. Viscount Mabrey -,”

“Viscount Mabrey can hang,” his grandmother said with a viciousness he’d never witnessed. It wasn’t refined but it was real, and he agreed with the assessment entirely. As the man who was leading this circus of speculation about his life, Mabrey was Killian’s worst enemy at the moment. “And I don’t care what Liam says. You shouldn’t even be here. Making you choose between Emma and the family… It’s just cruel, never mind undignified and unfeeling.”

“He doesn’t know about her,” Killian said and Gran laughed. She actually laughed and shot him a look like he was foolish.

“Are we speaking of the same Liam, your elder brother? The King of this country and sovereign of this crown, not knowing every last detail at play in his kingdom? Unlikely. No, he knows about her. Jefferson will have told him,” Gran said, prompting discomfort in Killian’s gut. Then she appeared to look a bit more forgiving as she weighed the possibilities. “Though perhaps no one has realized her ignorance on your origins. I certainly didn’t know.”

Killian’s brow furrowed at her comment, but his confusion was distracted by another question from her. “Did you ask her to come here at all? To see you? What are we to expect?”

“She was never planning to watch the procession, and I can’t imagine she’d want to now,” Killian confirmed, reiterating what Emma had told him previously. “She and her son were planning to go to the beach for the day, and no matter what state she may be in,” his throat closed up at admitting that she’d be hurting because of him. “Emma would never break a promise to her boy. They’ll likely miss the whole thing.”

“Mmm,” his grandmother replied. The hum was so noncommittal it only added to Killian’s agitation. But then she turned to him and looked serious. “Well you answer me this, Killian, and be warned if you lie not even the Gods of old can help you, do you truly care for the girl?”

“Yes.” In fact, caring for Emma was an understatement. His feelings, new as they were, went so much deeper than that.

“Do you love her?”

“Yes,” he admitted, knowing that this bond he felt to her was not a fleeting sort of fancy. He did love Emma, for all her many pieces. The way she loved helping people, the nurturing way she always had, the light in her eyes, the lilt of her laugh. She was perfect and good and true, and he never had any hope of deserving her, but damn did he want to. So badly it left an ache in his chest.

“And is there anything you won’t do to make this up to her?”

“No, ma’am,” he replied firmly, knowing that promise was absolute.

That was part of what was killing him now. He wanted to go this instant and beg forgiveness like a man. To look her in her eyes and explain to her how this had all come to be. Yet he couldn’t even give that to her. He was bound by a duty to his family, and he had never resented that duty more in his life. Even now he considered the merits of being here. He could go, show her how much she meant to him, and how she’d always come first from now on. But doing that would only humiliate his family. It would add flames to the fire and mean giving up the loyalty he’d always had for the people he was closest to.

“Good.” She answered, nodding her head and clapping her hands together in a matter-of-fact manner. “Well, dear, sometimes people make bad choices, and when they do, they must make amends. That’s all that can be done. You must do everything you can to make this right. It’s as simple as that,”

“That’s it? No sage counsel or particular detail on how to go about it?” Killian asked. He was desperate for guidance here. Should he call her? Should he wait? Should he go to her? What was he meant to do? What could be done at this point?

“My dear, the mistakes of men are frequent and seemingly unending. A queen does herself no favors getting mired down in them,” she said with a sigh, not helping him with the reminder that he was among those mistaken men. But she shook her head and then affectionately patted his arm in a sign of support. “Just remember this: your heart always knows which way to go. You’ll make this right, and when you do, I’d like to officially meet this young woman. All right?”

“Okay, Gran.”

With a quick pat to his cheek, his grandmother turned and entered the carriage with his mother who was watching curiously. The two of them shared a few words, but Killian didn’t pay much mind, for at the same moment Liam descended from the palace and things began moving rather quickly. It was time for them all to depart, and Killian could only gear himself up for what would be a painful few hours and hope that everything would somehow be okay.

…………………….

Waking up this morning, Emma had to admit to herself that she was really and honestly happy. The feeling was somewhat new for her, certainly in such a bold and front and center way, but after yesterday with Killian it was impossible to feel otherwise. The hope that he’d inspired in her and the heat that she still felt all these hours later, all prompted a smile she let loose as soon as she woke, and that had stayed with her all morning. To know that this man who had her tied up in knots felt the same way made her feel like a kid with their first crush. But despite the strange fluttering in her chest that came and went, and the constant distraction that her mind seemed plagued with these days, she didn’t actually hate it. If anything, Emma craved this feeling, loving that for the first time in so many years she felt eager to take a chance on something and someone other than herself and her son.

She’d been ready to take that step a while ago, feeling the draw to Killian for some time now, but after yesterday and that kiss, she was totally lost. She may be guarded, but Emma Swan was no fool. She could admit defeat when beaten, and right now her interest and her hope that this might be something real and true had won out. Hours later she could still taste him on her tongue. She felt the silky strands of his hair on her fingertips and the hard lines of his body pressed against her. The heat and the spark between them was all consuming, and the look in his eyes when they broke apart and he promised he’d see her soon -

“Mom, do you think I should bring my snorkeling mask or my regular goggles?”

Emma jumped at Henry’s question, which forced her out of her daydream so quickly she had whiplash. She shook her head, reminding herself that this was not the time or place. She was on Mom duty right now and she was supposed to be packing their lunch and snacks for the beach. But last night, when she was alone and all her responsibilities were met for the day, she’d allowed herself to imagine what could have happened if things were different. Would the moment have lasted longer? Would it have ended at the preserve?

“Mom?” Henry asked, his brow furrowed in confusion at her continued distractedness.

“Sorry, kid. Let’s go with snorkeling. It’s been hard for you to find the space to do that to this point, but I think today you’ll have the room to try.”

Henry agreed with her thinking and raced back to his room to grab his things while Emma chastised herself for her wayward thoughts. Now was totally not the time to be caught up in thoughts of Killian, hard as it might be to resist. She and her kid were spending the day together and she needed to focus on that. Henry and her had planned this outing all week, and she wanted to be present with him, even if a niggling though in the back of her mind wondered what it would be like if Killian was coming too. She already knew that Henry and he would get along. Killian had a way of making every kid he met love him, and her son was smart. He read people even better than she did, and Henry loved a good story, which Killian had plenty of.

“Someday maybe,” Emma whispered aloud as she packed the sandwiches in their temperature-controlled bag, but she knew there was no maybe. If things headed where she hoped they would, Killian and Henry meeting would come to pass, and probably soon. But for now, she’d soak in these precious moments with her kid and enjoy a little R and R down at the seaside.

Placing all of their picnic supplies in one bag and double checking that her tote had sunscreen, books, and other things they’d need down by the water, Emma stayed focused on her task. She took comfort in the mental checklist she had going, and when she was confident that they had everything, Henry appeared, carrying his snorkeling gear and smiling a megawatt smile that made her heart so happy.

“You have everything you’ll want for the day?” Emma asked and when Henry nodded she gave him another chance to double check. “Remember we won’t be home until late.”

“I know, Mom. We’re still going to the Center for a visit right? Cook said she’s making that fancy chocolate cake again!” Henry said, nearly as excited by the prospect of this dessert as he was for their beach day.

“Yup. I already told Marco to expect us. Dinner will be served at six thirty.”

Henry threw his fist into the air in some kind of celebratory move and Emma laughed at his antics, shaking her head and looking to all the stuff they had to get out the door and to the coastline. “And you’re totally sure you don’t need to see the parade? It may be fun,” Emma suggested, but she secretly hoped Henry would want to stick to their original plan.

“No way! Beach beats parade every day of the week. Especially this beach. It’s the best!”

Emma appreciated her son’s dedication to sunshine and the seaside. Truth be told, she and Henry had been burned by enough New York parades to be a little jaded. They always sounded like a whole lot of fun in theory, but there was a huge crowd of people which Emma never loved, and at every event there were people who just wanted to get wasted. It was pretty stressful as a parent, and Henry never really liked the noise. He was a quieter kid and preferred more peaceful moments, which were rare when living in the city. As such, they tended to avoid big events like this and made a habit of being wherever the masses weren’t. Today they’d decided the beach might be a good option. They’d managed to go a few times since arriving, and it was always fun but busy. Today they may have more space to themselves, and both she and Henry loved the idea of a beach to themselves.

It was still wild to Emma that they lived in a city with such easy access to a coastline, and not some questionable harbor view, but glorious, magazine worthy beaches. Everyone who lived here acknowledged that they were a hidden gem, and Emma knew if the world ever got wind of what they were missing in this tiny country then flocks of people would descend. She hated to imagine that though, since most of the charm of this country came from its authenticity. There were no touristy gimmicks or ploys. People here were just people, welcoming and friendly, not driven by a dollar. It was totally refreshing and deserved to be preserved and protected. It also made Emma think all the time that maybe she was doing Henry a disservice living in New York. Montenarro wasn’t really a viable option forever, at least she couldn’t bring herself to hope they’d be that lucky, but there must be other places in the US where she could find a job that had more of these things they loved. They’d miss Mrs. and Mr. H, but they were retired now and always talked about their want to travel. Who knew, maybe something could work out?

“Okay Mom, I’m ready to go. We better get a move on.”

Emma took in Henry all decked out in his beach gear and ready to trek across the city and she bit back another hearty laugh. Her boy was an adventurer through and through. He loved anything that felt like a quest and right now he was harnessing all the energy of kids in the throes of some magical imaginary universe. She loved his propensity for this kind of excitement, so she attempted to match it, gathering her things and saluting him as their leader as the left the apartment and locked the door behind them.

As they headed out, Emma couldn’t help thinking that she hoped the kids at the institute were having a good start to their day. This year none of the children would be attending the parade. Apparently there were some issues in years past with some older kids running off to meet friends and younger kids getting lost in the hustle and bustle of the festivities. It turned out to be a logistical nightmare for the staff, and so they decided they’d have their own celebration at the same coves along the cost that the older kids had driven to weeks back. Almost everyone, save the very little babies, would be going, and Emma and Henry had been invited as well. She’d come so close to saying yes, especially when she thought about seeing Cecelia and the others enjoying their day at the beach, but she knew there was a lot of time left to share such memories with them all and that tonight they’d join everyone for dinner and some fun and games. For now, she wanted to make sure her son felt special and supported. He was such a good sport about being in camp all the time while she worked and went to school. She didn’t think that he resented it even a little, but she felt like her first duty was to be a good mom and to give Henry the attention and affection he so rightly deserved.

“Excuse me, Miss?” a woman with bright red hair asked just by their front door. Emma recognized her peripherally. She’d definitely seen her in the neighborhood before. “Are you Emma Swan?”

“I am,” Emma said, and the woman let out a relieved breath. “Can I help you with something?”

“Yes, I’m sorry. My name is Merida. I live just there,” she pointed to the other house out here on the side street. “We received this this morning – or well my daughter did. I love the girl but if you catch her half asleep, she’ll say anything to shut you up and head on back to bed. Anyway, a royal courier came to deliver this earlier, asking for an Emma Swan, and she swore that’s who she was, took it, and then promptly fell asleep. I’m so sorry for the delay, I only just saw the thing in her room. But I promise it was never opened. As you can see the seal is still very much intact.”

“It’s no problem,” Emma said accepting the letter which was addressed in beautiful script. It had her name on it and a seal on the back with the same lettering as the foundation. She smiled, thinking it must be from the kids. They were so excited for their celebration today that she could totally see them making fancy invites and using an institute seal for adornment. She also didn’t think anything of a ‘royal courier.’ That was a thing in Britain too, right? It was the queen’s post or something. Countries with monarchies were just cute like that.

“Oh good, hopefully it’s nothing too timely,” Merida said with relief. “But either way you best believe my Iona received a stern talking to this morning.” Just then a bang came from Merida’s house and they all looked over there. Emma and Henry were concerned, but Merida only sighed and shook her head. “Those blasted boys of mine will be at it again. Dead set on turning every last hair on my head gray. Anyway, apologies again, and perhaps we can have you two over some time. I’ll do my best to wrangle this motley bunch before you do, aye?”

Merida made the offer even while jogging back into her house and Emma and Henry barely had time to say sure before she was back inside. They turned to each other and just shrugged, laughing. Then Henry pointed to the letter. “What do you think it is?”

“Probably something from the institute. But nothing that can’t wait for the beach,” Emma replied, and Henry smiled, following her down the lane in the direction of their plans.

Slowly but surely they made their way down the roads, but the more they walked, the more the patterns of foot traffic began to change. When they started, there were very few people along the street, but the further they went the fuller the streets became. Soon they were overrun with people, and admittedly all of them seemed to be having a great time without any kind of discernable drunkenness or issues.

“Wow, today must be a bigger deal than we realized,” Henry said, his eyes taking in the same sight as her, which was their increasingly familiar neighborhood flooded with happy parade goers.

“No kidding. Are we sure this isn’t the berry fest you read about?”

“They’re called montecaris, Mom. And no, that’s in August. It lasts a whole week. Today’s about a battle that happened a long time ago or something.”

“Must have been some battle,” Emma said. Looking back at Henry, she was struck with worry that he might feel like they were missing something big, especially when confronted with the throngs of people out here celebrating. “We could probably put the beach off a bit if you wanted to watch…”

“No way! I’ve got a full day planned and we’re already late. We gotta get going.”

Emma agreed and stuck her hand out for her son, more as precaution than anything else. With the crowds growing so dense she didn’t want to get separated from him. Henry understood and stuck close to her, but Emma noticed that the people congregated out here today for the celebrations were so much kinder and less intrusive than people back home. This might be a big party for people, but it wasn’t at the expense of families and non-celebrators. No one was taking things too far, and it made maneuvering through the streets much easier than expected, which Emma appreciated. They actually made great time, all things considered, but towards the end of their journey they hit a roadblock, quite literally.

“The road’s closed, but how will we get to the beach?” Henry said with a sad effect that reminded Emma of when he was younger. He never whined, her son, but he did get a teensy bit dramatic. It had much more impact in her opinion, and the pang of sympathy she felt at his disappointment had her rethinking this strategy.

“Excuse me, miss?” Emma asked a woman who looked to be walking with her own young children. “Do you have any idea how we could get to the beach?”

“The footbridge is still open,” the woman offered. She pointed them in the right direction and Emma remembered seeing it a few times while coming in and out of the city. It wasn’t far from here, and she and Henry were grateful for the insight. They made their way in that direction, and by chance they had to walk the parade route to get there. As such they were seeing so much of the parade while still heading to the beach.

“Kind of feels like the best of both worlds, huh Mom?” Henry asked and Emma nodded. It was really something to be sure, and as they walked they saw all sorts of processions. People in traditional dress dancing, musicians, acrobats. There were soldiers dressed up in old regalia and veterans from wars long past, but it didn’t seem like anything out of the common way. Only when the footbridge was in sight did the air seem to change around them and the whispers all began.

“They’ll be out soon, Mama,” a little boy said jumping up and down. “King Liam and his horse!”

“Yes, darling. They’ll be here any moment. Look, here they come.”

Henry was the one to stop moving at this point, drawn into the promise of seeing actual royalty in the flesh. Emma stopped with him and looked out into the street, feeling a flutter of intrigue as she did. Watching the procession at this stage felt like stepping into a movie. There were guards in their stately dress and horses with people she assumed must be some kind of current soldiers. All of the steeds they rode in on were darker, but behind them were white stallions drawing a carriage. Wow, she thought those were a figment of imagination. People really rode in those? Emma supposed they must, and then she got a good look at the women in the cart and she was convinced they must be royalty.

The way these two women were dressed was pristine and beautiful, and both women wore tiaras in their hair that reflected the light so beautifully in the summer sun. From what she could tell, both of them were older, though one was raven haired and the other had shifted to a silky silver. Emma wracked her brain trying to remember what she’d heard in passing about the royals. She knew there was a reigning Queen before who was much older, and apparently good friends with the Queen in England. She’d stepped down from her post years back, however, and now there was a King. She’d seen him, King Liam, on magazine covers in the grocery store. He was young, but always looked so serious, and Emma imagined he must be somewhere here too.

Sure enough, when the carriage passed there were two black horses, both giant, like Clydesdales. Both had royal riders as well, and Emma knew the first one was King Liam. He looked just as serious now as he had in the photos, and Emma wondered if it was hard to be King. It must be all-consuming, but still, a smile wouldn’t kill anyone, would it?

“Wait, Mom, that’s the King!” Henry said, his attempt at a whisper coming out comically loud. “He’s so big. I bet he’s super strong.”

Emma couldn’t argue with the assessment, and the stateliness of the man looked even more imposing in his formal regalia astride a horse. But there was something about him that was familiar. The darkness of his hair under his crown and the square of his jaw evoked something in her, and so, she realized, did the particular shade of blue of his eyes. She had trouble placing it before, but now she knew they looked like Killian’s. How strange that she should think that. She was only reminiscing the other day that she’d never seen eyes like his anywhere before.

Intriguing as the connection was, Emma didn’t think much of it. Instead her eyes moved to the other horse, and immediately her heart lurched. Was that? Oh my God, that was Killian! Her Killian, and he was…

“Prince Killian’s here this year!” a young girl said on the street beside them with awe. “Wow he really is handsome, just as handsome as King Liam, don’t you think, Mama?”

“Undoubtedly, dear,” the mother said but Emma barely heard them. She was stuck with the glaring and absolutely crazy realization that the man she’d been circling around for weeks, the man who’d kissed her senseless only yesterday, was a Prince. Like an actual, full-blown, royal. She was stunned and shocked, so thrown by this twist she hardly knew which way was up. All she could do was take this in and try to make sense of it all.

From where she stood in the crowd, Emma could see that Killian was dressed in the same uniform as his brother. Medals of valor covering his coat to a much higher degree than the King, so much so they almost didn’t fit. Despite being astride a horse, everything about him looked impeccable. The lines of his clothes were crisp and unforgiving, and his form on the stallion spoke to extensive experience. Still, she couldn’t say he looked comfortable up there. His expression was not nearly so serious as Liam’s, but Emma could see his uneasiness, even if it was subtle. Many others may not realize, but Emma saw pain in his eyes. Even now, when thrust into confusion and disarray, Emma felt like she could read him. He was uncomfortable up there, being ogled at by so many people and hearing all the noise and celebration. Still he was gorgeous, looking gallant and regal and all too good to look away from.

Seeing him this way filled her with a chaotic sense of conflictedness – on the one hand she still saw the same man she felt herself falling for, but on the other hand he’d shielded the truth from her. He was a prince, a freaking prince! And she was… well just Emma. It made her sick to her stomach to think about how much must separate them. She’d already felt the pressure of that just thinking he was rich and foreign, but throw royalty into the mix and she felt unbelievably foolish. This could never work. She was delusional if she thought that the two of them could amount to anything more than a mere flirtation given everything, and a wave of dread and despair crashed over her. She felt feint from the mix of sadness and betrayal and her heart was pounding in her chest. Panic began flowing. She had to get out of here.

As if her distress called to him in some way, Killian’s attention diverted from the procession and he looked into the crowd. In a matter of seconds his gaze found her, and she saw the look on his face, feeling the impact too acutely. He was surprised by her being there, and then looked pained himself. She was too stunned to move, but he didn’t feel the same. He stopped his horse, and looked about to climb down when a voice called out to him.

“Killian!” It came from the King, Emma and Killian both looked to him and Liam looked to Emma before turning back to Killian and shaking his head. “Not now.”

Emma didn’t know how to take that. Was he saying not now as in ‘not now, we’re in the middle of a parade here’ or as in ‘not now with your inappropriate and unacceptable life choices’? The former made sense to Emma, but the latter was what she was afraid of. Here she was, a totally normal person, a single Mom from another place with no freaking clue he was even a prince. What was Killian even thinking when it came to her? She was dying to know but also too afraid to face it. Killian, meanwhile, looked liable to go against his brother but he ultimately looked to her and she read the greatest wish of his heart as clear as day.

I know I fucked up, Emma. I know this is crazy, but please let me explain. She even watched his lips move and she read his words “please, Emma.” Her heart clutched in her chest. She closed her eyes unsure of what to do and then Henry pulled at her hand. Emma broke her attention away from this earth-shaking revelation and looked to her boy.

“You okay, Mom? You look a little funny.”

“Uh, yeah, Henry, I’m fine. Just a lot of people,” she offered emptily. She hated to lie to her son, but what could she say? Something like, don’t worry kid, I just think I have a date set with the Prince and even though it’s completely insane and he hid this from me, I can’t bring myself to hate him? Or maybe, to be honest I was actually falling for this man, like really falling, and I don’t know if I can stop even though I have to because we live in different worlds and I feel like my heart is breaking in my chest? No that wouldn’t work either, so a lie it was.

“You want to go home?” He asked and Emma shook her head, knowing that home was just about the last place she wanted to be. She needed distraction from whatever the hell this was, and if she added disappointing Henry to the list of things she’d done today, she’d never get past this.

“No way.”

“Okay! Last one to the footbridge is a rotten egg!” Henry said, taking off, and Emma spared one last look at Killian before she left.

In his eyes she saw everything, grief, sorrow, an attempt at about a million apologies. This was wrong. He had really messed up and she was hurt by his choices, but despite it all a small voice in her heart told her not to run. She should give him a chance to explain, as hard as that might be. She deserved those answers, even if he didn’t. With her mind made up, she wanted to convey to him that this wasn’t totally over but only then did she realize that the parade had stopped. Everyone was distracted by something in the main carriage, but it wasn’t emergent. In fact, the people were laughing, but Emma had clearly missed the joke. She looked back to Killian, whose eyes were trained only on her, and without any more delay she nodded, a silent show that she would listen even if she was hurt and confused. She only saw the beginning of his relief take form, before heading back to her kid, and though it was incredibly hard not to look back, she pushed forward, knowing that right now she couldn’t engage with whatever was happening. It was just too much to contemplate and too overwhelming to consider without knowing the whole truth.

……………………………..

Oh, Dear Lord in Heaven, what a day it had been.

Public outings were always tiring to Queen Eleanor, despite her lifetime of participating in them. But today was especially energetic, and that was putting it kindly.

She still could not fathom how in the world her grandson had been so thoughtless. How could Killian think that keeping the truth for this long would be okay? Surely, he realized that the longer he waited to tell Emma who he was the worse it would be. And then today, seeing the moment where Killian and Emma noticed each other out there in the precession, was like witnessing a car wreck before her very eyes.

The fright she’d had was instant, and she gripped onto Meera’s arm so quickly her daughter-in-law had thought her ill. Then Meera looked to the crowd and saw Emma too and she herself was tense and worried. It was all so terrible. The shock on the poor girl’s face, the hurt in her eyes, but there was more too. There was strength there, and feelings under that hurt that did give Eleanor a bit of hope. Everything wasn’t lost, but it was getting damn close. Killian tried to go to her, as he damn well should, but then Liam scolded him, keeping him there. It took everything in Eleanor not to snap at her eldest grandson for interfering.

“It’s not safe, your majesty,” Jefferson whispered to her from his position close by, reading her frustration. “She’d be a target if the public takes notice.”

“Oh – oh - oh barnacles!” she said with frustration, before inspiration struck. “Stop the carriage!” she cried to the attendant and immediately he did.

“What are you doing?” Meera whispered, alarmed at the break in protocol, but hoping for a good explanation.

“Buying them some time. Keep watch of them. Be discrete but don’t miss anything. We need every detail we can get,” she whispered, before turning to the street and waving her hand to a nearby man. “Excuse me, sir, I just wanted to say your cap is absolutely delightful.”

The man was stunned at her comments, and he should be. This was absolutely untoward. Royalty never did anything like this, but damn the customs. This was her grandson’s life, his future, and she’d do anything she could to see it aided and improved. When the man on the side of the road collected himself, he smiled and blushed, an uncommon sight for a man of at least 65 years of age.

“Please, your majesty. Take it.”

“Oh I don’t think I -,”

“It would be an honor,” he said.

“Are they good?” she asked Meera quietly.

“Just a bit more time. Her son’s perked up now. What a beautiful boy. Reminds me of Killian at that age.”

“Focus, Meera.”

Eleanor nodded to the security team and the man came forward. Offering her the hat. She smiled at it, taking in the tacky mess of patriotic color and appreciating it for what it was – a colorful distraction from the moment. She made up her mind to commit to this idea, and the crowd gasped as she put it on her head and then laughed happily. Some people even cheered at her attire, praising the new look that must make her look positively ridiculous.

“Okay, we’re good,” Meera said and Eleanor smiled graciously to the man who’d provided this opportunity to distract.

“Thank you very much, sir. A happy holiday to you and yours,” she waved pleasantly before telling the footman to drive on.

She’d then proceeded to commit to this charade for the rest of the outing, taking different gifts from parade watchers across the city. Even Meera engaged, accepting some colorful beads and a flag from some children who brought them forth along the way. She didn’t dare look at Liam the entire time, but she knew, even if it was unusual, that this would be a win for the king in the long term. The people had responded marvelously, and she’d managed to help both her grandsons in their quests at the same time, thank the Gods.

As soon as they arrived back at the palace, Killian was off like a shot, readying himself to go see Emma. They spoke with him briefly inside the palace before his departure, but she didn’t dwell on those important words now. Eleanor still didn’t know where he’d eventually find her or if he already had, but she hoped he would. Now though, hours later, Queen Eleanor was hiding out, trying to avoid another conversation that must eventually come.

“So are you going to tell me what that was all about today?” Liam asked, causing her to jump from where she was in the quiet of the library. Her hand came over her heart instinctively and she scowled at him.

“You take great liberty, my dear, scaring an old woman like that.”

“I take liberties?” he asked with a laugh. “Gran if this is another of your jokes, I’ll tell you now I don’t understand it and I’m not amused.”

“I know, my dear, but I just had to do it. Killian and Emma needed time.”

“You know about her?”

“Know about her, who do you think found her in the first place -,” Oh blast it! She wasn’t supposed to say that. Rats, now she had to tell him everything. This was not what she’d wanted at all.

“So you and Mum, you’ve been planning this,” Liam said some time later when the truth was revealed. “You’re matchmaking. Does Killian know?”

“No, he most certainly does not.”

“He’ll be furious when he finds out.”

“The moment she forgives him he’ll be nothing short of ecstatic.”

“And so that’s when you’ll tell him?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Gran.”

“Liam,” she parroted, knowing she sounded like a child but not caring.

“Bloody hell, Gran, I don’t know how you manage it,” Liam said, shaking his head as a low chuckle rumbled from his chest.

“I manage this family with the wisdom, grace, and know-how of a professional, Liam. You’d do well to remember that.”

He muttered to himself some things she couldn’t hear, but then he squared his shoulders and grew serious. “Look, Gran, as long as you promise not to interfere anymore, I will keep your secret.”

“When you say interfere -,”

“Gran, leave this to Killian. He needs to do this himself. Please.”

“All right dear, I will leave it alone.”

“Good. And you and Mum better not be planning anything like this for me.”

“You really think there’s just another woman who happens to be at the institute who would also be perfect for you?”

“No,” Liam laughed, forgetting the promise he asked for in the face of what he saw as a lunatic notion. Little did he know there was such a woman, and the ball was already in motion on that front as well. Still Eleanor did everything she could to shield that from him, attempting to appear the frazzled grandmother instead of a scheming assistant to cupid. Before he could press her further, a knock sounded at the door, Jefferson appeared, and Liam was called away. “We’ll finish this discussion later.”

“Not bloody likely,” she whispered under her breath and Liam raised a brow.

“What was that?”

“Nothing, dear. Nothing at all.”

Post-Note: Okay so there we have it. I keep making these chapters so much longer than I think I will, but there’s just so much I want to accomplish. I know it would have been better for everyone’s anxiety levels if I had Killian and Emma talk things out in this chapter but there simply was not time. Not to worry though, next week’s installment will definitely have that and I think you’ll all forgive me for my slight cliff hanger when you read the next chapter. Anyway, I would love to hear what you all are thinking and I appreciate every comment and review and message you guys have sent the past few weeks. It’s so awesome to have you all with me in this and I genuinely hope you’ll stick around to see what’s coming next. Anyway thanks so much for reading and have a great rest of your weekend! -Emily

[hidelaney]

Hi Delaney!

Ah, yes the quarantine. It’s getting to me. Definitely. Suddenly I have no office to go to. But it’s good, I think. Make the CEO realize the upper management has no literal reasons to keep us in the office. Like at all. Seriously, everyone from my team is working from home and the level of productivity is actually better. Because guess what? Not having people breathing down our necks is SUPER helpful. So HA!

Okay, about Larry Stylinson. You’re right, I did fall into YouTube Blackhole. And Twitter. And I just watched 1D San Siro concert. By watching, I mean I actually paused the work I’m doing and looked at the screen while it played. Admittedly I was also doing chores but! It wasn’t just background music! It counted!

When I said I could put Larry Stylinson in a microwave and be done with it, I mean the theories and compilation videos are so readily available and easy to digest like, comparable to instant meals.

It’s so neatly packaged, too. Like, I was introduced to Larry Stylinson basically yesterday. Now I could recite the storyline in my head whenever I please. Or when I want to please you, in this case.

Let’s see if I can get it all summarized down here. FYI, I’m borrowing your assumption that Taylor was in on it the whole time. And Eleanor, too. Because I actually know of her existence now! Character discovery! Except they’re real people so I feel the need to point out that I’m making all the assumptions all over the place. I’m doing this for you, my dear Delaney.

Keep in mind that we all need character growths and personal developments when I make non-flattering assumptions toward your favorite people here, ok?

First up! HS & TL met in a toilet.

Now it’s debatable whether it was during an X-Factor audition or Battle of the Bands. For the sake’s of my next argument, I’m going with they knew each other before X-Factor. Likely during their time in White Eskimo and The Rogue, respectively. Their (unconfirmed?) first words to each other were ‘Oops!’ & ‘Hi’

Up next, the X-Factor audition and getting put together in a band.

So here is where I kind of needed my first assumption for this to work. Their chemistry was so obviously through the roof. It made so much sense if they were already sort-of friends and then got put together in a band. Plus, I don’t think the way Louis jumped into Harry’s arms is something a relative stranger would do. And if they only knew each other out of everyone there, it’s no wonder they were both so apparently clingy and codependent. It’s like a situation where both of them went ‘I have no idea what’s gonna happen next, but at least I know you and you know me. So we’re bestie now. No take back!”

And then there’re video diaries, twitter cams, radio interviews, and other broadcasting media they appeared in. These need no explanation because you’ve probably seen all of them and I have functioning ears and eyes. So, yes, I saw videos of them being all disgustingly cute all over the place. During the so-called ‘Fetus’ phase (a wording which I personally find rather disturbing, no offense to your anatomy textbooks or anything.) They’re so sweet. Especially whenever there’s a mention of how they moved in and lived together. Their interactions must’ve been responsible for so many tooth cavities. So many aww-worthy moments. On stage, on screen, behind the scenes, potato cams. Basically everywhere in front of everyone.

Then 1D blew up and were well on their way to become their label’s biggest and brightest BCG-metrix star. It’s not hard to see why investors’d be invested (lol) in employing every marketing strategy possible to keep 1D in the spotlight.

There’s a twofold marketing exploitation to Larry Stylinson that I see from miles away.

Hard sell the heteronormative version of the boys. (To capture major market shares)

Never had Harry or Louis explicitly confirm nor deny their relationship status. (To capture additional market shares with queerbaiting)

But let’s say Harry and Louis were actually together and making 1) too difficult to achieve. Otherwise this whole thing falls apart like a wet house of cards.

Thus, here came what I’d like to call ‘dousing a fire with gasoline’. This is where there’s a sudden drop of their interactions in public and Larry Stylinson isn’t a cutesy smashup name of two boys who got along like a house on fire anymore. This is the part where a ship turned into a full fledged conspiracy theory. And it’s MEGA COOL WICKED awesome.

I say this in the nicest way possible. A tragedy is the grandest form of entertainments. Misery loves having friends.

Also, I’d like to say this. I’m having fun thinking of this as a fictional arc. Because I still feel like it will shatter my heart in to a million pieces if anything resembling what I write next was true.

Since breaking into US market was the Kickstarter into a global one, to the US 1D went.

This was where the heavy closeting got way more difficult to handle. Elounor had the excuse of Eleanor being a private citizen and therefore should be left alone for the most part. Haylor was the complete opposite. Taylor Swift was and still is an American Sweetheart. Harry Styles might have been the most famous British Harry if it weren’t for a (former?) prince and a wizard. (Seriously, we should not call any of our hypothetical future children ‘Harry’ unless you thought ‘Albus Severus Potter’ was a good idea. Poor kiddo.)

The saddest part about Harry Styles public image was how reminiscent of Emma Watson it felt. The minute they turned eighteen, their media portrayals immediately became hyper-sexualized. Suddenly, they left the human zoo into an open hunting game. Famous lives are terrifying.

Anyhow, say, Taylor Swift knew what the US music industry was like. She’s been playing the long game for quite some time. She got to know Harry and then became rather protective of him. Her conclusion was that ‘hyping up Haylor’ would: 1) increase media exposure for both Taylor and 1D which would translate to bigger channels of revenue for all involved, 2) hold the speculation about Harry’s sexual orientation at bay because, as horrible as it sounds, gays don’t sell in America.

This one fit nicely with your ‘Out of the Woods’ interpretation. Taylor wasn’t just spending time with Harry. She was actively enforcing the lock on the closet. Which explains why Louis seemed to resent Taylor quite obviously and quite a lot. His own heteronormative scripts with Eleanor had been relatively tame. Harry’s whirlwind series of romances in public had only just begun.

As Harry started gaining a womanizer reputation in earnest, so did the Almost-Subtle Couple Tattoo Sprees.

If ‘Always in my heart @Harry_Styles . Yours sincerely, Louis’ tweet was a sign that circumstances were about to go south for them. The tattoos were signs that the circumstances had already gone to shit. The tragic package had been shipped, signed, and delivered.

This is where non-flattering assumptions rise to the surface. I think 1D had been overworked past the point of exhaustion. Self-destruction as a coping mechanism became rather prevalent and pervasive within the band. The boys gleefully collected regrets as a new favorite pastime, some more than others. Consequences were nipping at their heels.

Then Zayn left right in the middle of a world tour and all hell broke loose.

Here comes the biggest Assumption Affair!

Louis and Liam, the last to release their solo debut albums, were the most prominent songwriters for the band. I’m not going to go on about Liam because I’m here to give you Larry Stylinson. And this is already way too long as it is. But, needless to say, the first discussion of a prospective solo career probably hit them the hardest.

If each song they wrote was a battle scar, Louis was still bleeding for the band when Harry, of all people, brought up the idea of a hiatus and solo careers. Realizing how many songs Harry already had waiting in the back catalogue must’ve felt like a slap in the face. Or a punch in the gut. Whichever you think is worse/more dramatic. I’m not picky.

Remember self-destruction as coping mechanism? What about relationship-destruction as coping mechanism? Louis cheated and had a baby with someone else. Infidelity at its finest.

ALERT! THIS IS A NEON SIGN OF ASSUMPTION AFFAIR! Please don’t kill me. I told you I was gonna make unflattering assumptions toward your favorite people. I just did as I promised!!! *run for cover*

Anyway...

I’m gonna take you back a little. I mentioned earlier how Eleanor was a private citizen and therefore should be left alone. At times when Louis desperately needed to be left alone, Elounor makes so much sense. If she’s a PR-only girlfriend, she’s a stellar employee. If it’s not just a PR thing, she’s as forgiving as a saint. Just, if it’s Harry and Louis, they likely both messed up and hurt each other badly. If it’s Louis and Eleanor,... I mean... Have you seen a meme where you misspell a word so badly that the autocorrect goes, ‘I don’t know what to tell you, man’?... Louis would be that misspelled word and Eleanor would be the very best autocorrect that practically brute force through every word in the Oxford AND Urban dictionary to find out what that word was. If that’s who she is, then bless her soul. However, for the sake of this argument, we will proceed with the assumption that she’s the star employee of the decade.

Losing loved ones and grieving for them are inevitable parts of human lives. Nothing put more things into perspectives than losing someone so fundamentally dear to you. When I heard Louis Tomlinson’s ‘Two of Us’ for the first time, I remembered walking through an actual forest my grandpa planted for us because he wanted to make sure his great grandkids would have a nice home to grow up in. Do you remember when you called and told me that he died the night I got on my first solo international flight ten months after the fact? I wanted to hate you for keeping something this big a secret from me. I wanted to hate everybody at home for that. But then you told me that it was what my grandpa had wanted. That he didn’t want me to be a sad sack of an exchange student. That you decided to not listen to my parents and call to tell me just before I was due home. So that I’d have time to feel hurt about being lied to. So that I could get all the angry words out. So that I wouldn’t scream at my parents when I got home and learnt the truth. So that you could take the brunt of my grief instead.

I just took a break to have a little cry. Where was I? Oh, yeah. You did the best you could for me when I lost my grandpa. I still managed to effectively shut you out for months. Just because you were the messenger of the bad news. What I’m trying to say is that grief changes people. It changed me. For the worst for a bit. And then for the better once I came to term with what it means to me. There’s a quote from Rosamund Lupton that sums it up neatly.

“Grief is love turned into an eternal missing.”

I guess this is the part where I connected the dots back to Harry and Louis. Well, their music definitely give grief different names. Both albums talk about coming to term with it and moving forward. Every songs they wrote could be woven to fit the narrative of Larry Stylinson and events surrounding them. If you buy the theory, then the good news is both Fine Line & Walls seemed to have a positive ending. One thing I know for sure, though, is that no matter how convincing a conspiracy theory maybe, it could all be built upon a faulty assumption. I’d probably have a way easier time disregarding Elouner if I didn’t have you as a solid proof in my life that, yes, people like the best autocorrect exists. It’s funny how I feel no hesitation at all in categorizing Haylor as a calculated move. Because in my head that’s just par for the course in business. And it genuinely terrifies me in a way. Who the hell I could’ve become if it weren’t for you knocking me off the ground and pouring kindness on me.

I know I skipped a lot of stuff. Missing names like Caroline, Danielle, Kendall, Freddie, Camille, Xander, etc. But HS and LT have a decade of history on public record and, frankly, my interest ran out four paragraphs ago. So just let me conclude this.

I think it’s tiring, spending this much time speculating on someone else’s relationship history. I must admit that I had to get it out of my chest because it was way too interesting to let go off. But now, I feel like I’m just going to stream Heartbreak Weather and listen to ‘No Judgement’ on repeat. Nile is my favorite non-problematic celebrity. I could spell his name so wrong and it probably won’t be an issue as long as I politely say, “Sorry, Mr Niall Horan”

This quarantine clearly leaves me with too much time on my hands.

Virtual hugs and kisses

Your Incredible Sasha 😘

[margridarnauds]

XCalibur: My Review

So, it’s been a couple of weeks since XCalibur came out and, while I’m trying to sort out my own thoughts about this, I decided to do what I do best: Force everyone to read an overly long, barely coherent post.

First off: Let’s get this off the ground. The fact that we got to see this at ALL was phenomenal. This is really, really fantastic, as a step for KMusicals getting a wider western audience, and it’s something that I DESPERATELY hope that they will continue to repeat in the future. I’d have supported it if it was anything, simply because that would give a clear message that there IS an audience for this.

However...

[warning for spoilers, brief discussions of rape]

Overall Impressions: Look....it’s WILDHORN. Wildhorn and me....we go way, way back. Like, to 12 Year Old Rachel listening to Jekyll and Hyde. And the Scarlet Pimpernel. And....quite a few musicals after that. I CAN’T hate it. It’s WILDHORN + ARTHURIANA. Two of my favorite things in the world. But, that being said....this might very well be my fault, but I did find myself a little disappointed, in the sense that, listening to the cast album, I was expecting a much, much better musical than what I really got. Which was a huge order to fill, given that I’ve always considered Artus: Excalibur to be one of Wildhorn’s more problematic musicals. But, in all fairness, they DID kind of promise me more, given that they retitled the musical and said that this was the “World Premiere”™. The set is fantastic, the music is stunning, but it just felt a little hollow to me.

Sets/Costuming: I LOVED the Dark Ages aesthetic to it. The costumes really were great, Morgana’s in particular stole the show, but Guinevere, Merlin, Arthur, and Lancelot gets some nice looks as well, and it all serves to give this idea of the Middle Ages (albeit HEAVILY preying on the old stereotype that it was The Dark Ages, with a very dark color palette generally being observable throughout). This also serves to make it visually very distinct from the Korean production of La Legende du Roi Arthur, given the two of them showed VERY close to one another. (2019 was just the year of the Arthurian musical.) As a Celticist....it isn’t REALLY historically accurate, it’s still fantasy, albeit more Guy Ritchie’s Arthur VS The Crystal Cave Trilogy in terms of how MUCH fantasy it utilizes. LRA (and Artus: Excalibur) took the approach of it being PURELY fantasy, there is....nothing. Historical. In there. One thing that irked me about Artus was that it, in particular, had a CHEAP feeling, like it had roughly as much thought put into it as a 80s comic book idea of Camelot that they were going to slap on the back of a cereal box or something. (LRA, to its credit, was GLORIOUSLY anachronistic, but it was high budget and sleek. I loved it for that.) XCalibur is TRYING for a more historical feel, and, for the most part, it does succeed. Whether the set is a forest, a deserted hall, or Camelot in its prime, they SELL the medievalism. It’s a bit of a pity there’s no WELSHNESS to it, but that is me being nitpicky about my field not being in there. For an Arthurian adaptation, I’m not really going to ask for anything more; it gives what it promises and it does it well. (Though I will say that, every once in a while, one of those costumes would flash in the stage lighting and I would question whether I’d seen that gold fabric at a Ren Faire etsy. BUT in all fairness, those costumes weren’t designed to be viewed in close up like that, and this is probably me being needlessly mean. OVERALL, the effect was good.)

Music: It’s a Frank Wildhorn musical, so of COURSE I’m going to like the music. This is DEFINITELY a stronger musical than Artus, with several new songs (including “The Tempest”, “Let the Sword Make the Man”, and “If he were standing here”, both of which are highlights to me) that really stand out. Since settling himself firmly in the Asian market, Wildhorn’s stuff has developed a polish that wasn’t really there in his Broadway stuff. It sounds much more modern, much more streamlined, with Death Note, the Man Who Laughs, Robespierre, and Mata Hari all having a distinct SOUND that I’ve started to call Wildhorn 2.0. There’s this distinct energy that runs through this production that wasn’t really there in Artus, and I found that it makes the cast album REALLY a treat to listen to. As with Artus, “Celtic” (which, in this case, of course, means “Riverdance”) musical motifs are present in the instrumentals, but I found it MUCH less heavy handed than before, and it’s evenly balanced out by more traditional tunes. I didn’t feel like it was AS overloaded as before, where I routinely found myself napping in between swelling instrumentals.

As with all of Wildhorn’s stuff, there are certain songs that sound very similar to other musicals of his, if you know what to look for. “Why am I here?” for example is nearly a carbon copy of “Who do you Trust?” from Tears of Heaven and “Wenn das Shicksal dich ereilt” from Rudolf, which themselves form part of a distinct genre of his songs that can be traced back to “The Riddle” from The Scarlet Pimpernel and “You and I” from Svengali. “The Mark of the Wolf”, a new song, sounds very similar at points to “How Many devils?” from The Civil War. Etc. etc. I don't really consider this a BAD part, at least in the case of the former, since the songs in that genre, to me, represent the best of Wildhorn’s music. And, after all, with over 30 years on stage....the man can only come up with new music for so long until he starts producing SOMETHING that sounds similar.

Overall verdict? Strong music. Not my FAVORITE of Wildhorn’s stuff,  but I’ve definitely spent a few hours listening to the cast album on its own merits, and definitely more energetic and polished than the German run to my ear.

Plot: So, a big draw for me was “Has the plot been fixed from the days of Artus: Excalibur?” and.....I have many mixed feelings. I DO feel like we got more of a solid musical, but I also feel like it had some really, really sour notes and, in some ways, the transition to a new musical feels only half-way done. Like, they HAD a new musical in mind, they went halfway through the process, and then they shrugged their shoulders, said “That’s good enough”, and left us with a Frankenstein’s Monster. (Oh, wait, wrong KMusical.)

One of the biggest casualties was Morgana. Morgan le Fay has been one of my favorite characters in anything, ever since I was 7 years old and developing one of my first crushes via The Magic Treehouse. Morgana is always the FIRST one I look to in an adaptation to see how they handle her, and her plotline in Artus always felt weak for me, ESPECIALLY her relationship with Merlin, which Wildhorn once described as something along the lines of a “bit of a romance” but that was painfully underdeveloped, especially on her end. We knew that he was weak for her, to his detriment, we knew that she wanted what he had, and that they do.....the do together, but there’s very little REAL development in there, and no sign, on my end, of that “little bit of romance” as opposed to just. Using one another. When I heard that that plotline had been revised, I was THRILLED. Now, I feel like it was a monkey’s paw situation.

(1) Morgana goes from more or less apathetic to Merlin’s situation to.......being totally obsessed with him, to the point where she says he’s the only man she ever loved? Like, she goes from someone HIGHLY motivated by what she believes is her rightful inheritance to being motivated by Merlin’s dick.

(2) The timeline. My God, the timeline. Making Morgana a child when she’s shipped off AND then doing the “Only man I ever loved” thing (and SEEMING to imply that Merlin did love her as well, but refused to say it) is.....it’s bad. No other way around it. They did NOT think that timeline through.

(3) I HATED Guinevere getting Morgana in the back with an arrow, but you know? That was yet another monkey’s paw situation, given that at least it wasn’t “Morgana falling for a very obvious ploy that she SHOULD have seen coming from a mile away if she wasn’t, as has been established, obsessed with Merlin’s dick.”

I will say that, reworking the plot so that Morgana’s obsessed with Merlin’s dick DID work out better in the sense that at least the Madonna/Whore complex with her and Guinevere isn’t really there: We no longer see Evil, Sexy Morgana VS Sweet Forest Maiden Guinevere, and Guinevere in this version of the musical is allowed to be much gutsier than her German counterpart. They did give her quite a bit of character as opposed to “Naive Girl who believes Arthur is The Best but finds out Wrong”. Now, that gutsiness flies out the window once she marries Arthur and is mainly confined to singing sad songs and stepping in between Arthur and Lancelot, but see above for Frankenstein’s Monster.

I will say that I did appreciate that this adaptation was willing to really give us a DEEPLY flawed Arthur; it’s something I’ve seen relatively little of post-White in terms of Arthurian adaptations, and it’s something I’ve missed. (Once Upon A Time’s Evil Arthur notwithstanding.) Arthur is really rarely allowed to BE a character in his own right, he has to be an Ideal™ or, if he’s a flawed character, flawed in an acceptable, palatable way; here, he’s an angry young man who’s shoved into a position that he’s not really qualified for and has to grow into it. He shoves people away, he shouts, he trusts Morgana too blindly, and he basically causes the Guinevere/Lancelot situation on his lonesome. It’s actually a little great to see.

BUT. But. Monkey’s paw. I LIKED seeing Arthur being a little bitch on occasion, but, for better or worse, he is our main character. And, outside of his bonding scenes with Guinevere and Lancelot early on, we really....don’t get to see that many scenes where he’s LIKABLE. There are a few moments (the scene where he tries to get Morgana to dance at his coronation is ADORABLE), but the first time we’re really introduced to him, he’s in a fight, he (understandably) snaps at Merlin, decides that, hey, being king might not be so bad, is fun for a little while, and then he spends a solid chunk of the second act being a dick because his father died. I don’t really know. I feel like this is going to be one of those things that I keep rolling over in my mind, as far as whether I REALLY like HIM as a main character, or whether I like those individual moments where he’s likable.

A part of me liked that we had, instead of the two siblings fighting during “Was Will Ich Hier”, we have Morgana and Arthur bonding. That sibling bond was, in my opinion, one of the more interesting possible dynamics in the show. But, unfortunately, the resulting conflict with Merlin felt very “been there, done that.” It’s more PLAUSIBLE than in cases where, say, the Enemy of the Week poses as a little girl and suddenly the main cast, who have known one another for twenty years, are suddenly slinging accusations against one another, but it STILL felt rather forced and predictable.

I was actually really grateful that we didn’t have the Morgana/Lot relationship in this particular production--Making Morgana an actual domestic abuse victim and then killing her off NEVER sat well with me, but as a result of that, now we have this situation where we have two more or less unconnected villains: Morgana and Wulfstan, and the plot only really needed one. Wulfstan, as a character, just....isn’t interesting. He’s a more or less generic “Barbarian Warlord” type who’s pissed Arthur killed his son and creeps on Morgana. I can’t REALLY say anything more there. Their plotlines intersect in the very beginning, when they capture Morgana and she guides them to Uther’s old castle, but other than that, there’s a general disconnect between them, and there’s no real PAYOFF to that. Instead, it just feels like it makes the plot needlessly busy.

One thing I’ve noticed, with both La Legende du Roi Arthur and XCalibur, is this pressure to fit as MUCH Arthurian in as possible, and as a result, the final musicals become rather crowded, so there’s no real time for DEVELOPMENT or substance.

“Okay, we have to have the pulling from the sword here!” “Right!” “Hm, Morgana le Fay is one of the most iconic antagonists, we probably need her there.” “Saxons?” “Sure!” “Everyone’s expecting Lancelot and Guinevere, we can’t not have them in there.”

I FEEL like XCalibur is LESS bogged down than LRA with regards to that factor, since the latter also threw in Maleagant as a secondary antagonist to Morgana and the Grail quest, but I still feel like XCalibur bit off more than it could really chew. Which is a pity, because there are Arthurian plot lines that have gotten comparatively little attention in recent days that you could include instead of going the “Paint By Numbers” route.

This also really shows in how it deals with certain plot lines, which are either dropped (Wulfstan V. Morgana), or come out of nowhere. This is REALLY obvious with Lancelot/Guinevere, which is a pity because I found myself, against my own will, rooting for them more than any other pairing in the show. Lancelot goes from a cocky lady’s man to...suddenly being smitten with Guinevere.....and then suddenly, after Guinevere is sad about Arthur being a dick, the two of them are fucking. Now, it would be NATURAL, as far as “Guinevere goes to Lancelot when she feels like Arthur’s being cold to her”, but we don’t SEE that. We literally cut from her in the forest, singing a sad song, and the next time we see them, they’re postcoital. It feels like it comes out of NOWHERE. My investment in them, as a couple, is more due to the strength of the two actors involved than the actual WRITING, which thinks that because the BEDROCK for something is there (”Oh, Guinevere beat Lancelot in combat! Oh, she feels neglected!”) that that means the house is there as well (”Oh, Guinevere beat Lancelot in common....so NOW he’s totally in love with her and is never going to flirt with another woman again. Oh, Guinevere is feeling abandoned by Arthur.......so we don’t NEED to see her going to Lancelot.”) They jump from Point A to point D and the audience is left with a sense of whiplash.

Some things, like Merlin’s actions re: Igraine and Uther, as well as Morgana, are just not explored to a depth that I would really find is satisfactory. “Oh, I did all these terrible things....because of Fate!” is something that we’re REALLY supposed to pull behind, but, given the pain to everyone involved, ESPECIALLY the women (Igraine, Morgana, and Guinevere ALL suffer from Destiny™), you have to REALLY wonder if there was literally anyone else who could have done it.

...so, really. BBC Merlin. BBC Merlin.

MOVING ON FROM MY SALT...as a medievalist, I was actually relatively happy that for ONCE in an Arthurian adaptation, the conflict between Christianity and paganism (WHICH HONESTLY WASN’T EVEN THAT MUCH OF A CONFLICT IN TERMS OF THE CELTIC WORLD, BUT MOVING ON) was presented as being pro-Christian. I’ve dealt with WAY too much media, in my time, that treats, say, 8th century Catholicism in Ireland the same as 16th century Catholicism in Spain, and NO. They were VERY distinct. I am saying this as a confirmed, happy atheist. They were distinct. I do not need or want The Mists of Avalon 10.0 on my screen, no thank you.

That being said...Monkey’s Paw. Monkey’s Paw. I was NOT happy to see the conflict presented as “Christianity taking over is Destined and Good, the Old Ways™ have had their time.” There’s this rather ugly fatalism that runs through it, along with the idea that followers of the pagan tradition HAD to die for Christianity to take its place. It’s...not my favorite thing in the world. Perhaps I’m simply unpleasable in this aspect, but there has GOT to be some medium between the two. Maybe this is my Medieval Irish Bias seeping through here, given that, with what I’m used to, the druids were mentioned in law books through the 8th century. I own this. (”But Rachel,” you might say, reasonably, “This isn’t 8th century Ireland”, to which I would of course say, “BUT IT SURE AS HELL ISN’T 6TH CENTURY WALES OR CORNWALL EITHER.”) Medieval people, historically, while they didn’t REALLY have religious tolerance as we know it, didn’t always see it in stark terms of “PAGANISM IN ONE CORNER, CHRISTIANITY IN ANOTHER”: They were, as a whole, FAIRLY good at integrating aspects of both in, even when they didn’t really mean to. The entire thing is just mangled horribly.

Anyway. Celtic Studies Salt Over.

Actors/Actresses: I’ll be honest, I was expecting, primarily, Morgana, Arthur, and Lancelot to pull the plot along, mainly because they get, together, most of the primary numbers, and because, in the German, Sabrina Weckerlin essentially carried the show on her back. As it was, Kim So Hyang’s Guinevere was the one who REALLY, in my opinion, ended up carrying the show. She had a wonderful voice, strong voice, and her Guinevere was able to make a full, smooth journey between a young, bold girl to the troubled wife of a troubled king to a woman wracked with regret. I’ve seen her in a lot of things, but I don’t think I really NOTICED her until now. She did some truly phenomenal work here, I was really glad, actually, that I got to see and appreciate her Guinevere. (Though, as a Min Kyung Ah fan....I would have LOVED to have seen her Guinevere.) She had great chemistry with both of her leads, lending credibility to both relationships, more than the script itself might really give.

Kai isn’t really an actor I ever really LOOK for in a musical, I wouldn’t say that I’m a MASSIVE fan, but that’s only because I don’t actively search for his stuff. Every time I’ve seen him in something, he’s been solid, and I did very much like him in the press calls. It does seem a little unfair that he got both the press calls AND the pro-shot, but c’est la vie. I did like his Arthur, he had a steady voice to back up the role, his acting was solid. Arthur, as a character, doesn’t REALLY stick out for me, but that isn’t HIS fault so much as the script’s, really, and my pre-built in bias towards Morgana. I didn’t find him to be REALLY likable in the role, very angry and sullen, but.....well. See above for my take on Arthur’s general likability here. I do think the man did the best with what he had, though I also feel like he’s more natural in Arthur’s dorkier, more relatable moments, especially with, say, Guinevere, Morgana, and Lancelot. (Though I’m not sure if that’s because I like Arthur as a CHARACTER more there or if I’m reacting to his ACTING in the role. This is one of those times where I’d have really liked to see Do Kyum or Junsu’s take on the role, since that would help me iron out what parts are the WRITING and what are the actor, but, lacking that, I’m going to err on the side of generosity.)  

Shin Young Sook....I WANTED to like her Morgana. I did. But, I’ll be blunt, even as far back as the press call, I was feeling Jang Eun Ah’s Morgana more, I was, definitely, feeling a little disappointed when the proshot cast list was announced. So, in some ways, the poor woman would have had to have done miracles to get me to REALLY warm up to her. And I didn’t really see miracles on the stage. Her voice remains reliable, she is a belter like few others on the Korean stage. I give her that. But her acting basically totally ruined the character for me. My issues with the role, as detailed in the “Plot” section, aside, I believe that the overall character COULD be salvaged, from an audience perspective, with a nuanced enough portrayal. But, when I saw this particular take on Morgana...I didn’t see MORGANA. I saw Shin Young Sook, Having Fun, instead of Morgana, as portrayed by Shin Young Sook. An actress having fun in a role can definitely be GREAT (Park Hye Na as Eva in Frankenstein is one role of hers I will cherish forever), but in this case, which required a lot of nuance to pull it off and make the villain sympathetic....it does clash when you can tell that she’s one step away from evilly cackling and releasing a final belt before running off the stage. There is a time to ham and there is a time to not, and this was one of the “not” roles. There came some point, perhaps during the song “Desire”, perhaps before it, that I actively started DREADING Morgana appearing on stage. I don’t KNOW that Jang Eun Ah would have done it better. She could have done it worse. But it is a tragedy of only having a single cast available that I will always wonder. I was disappointed here. I was really, really disappointed.

Kim Jun Hyun as Merlin was solid. It’s well known at this point that I have a soft spot for him, but for what it’s worth, on a comparative level, I feel like this role suited him much better than, say, Orléans in Marie Antoinette (where, personally, though still liking him, I found him a little too cold for my taste). He is appropriately distant and otherworldly, showing a human side and conflict as the musical continues. Is he enough to make me LIKE Merlin, as a character? Not really, given how many people suffer because of him and how little the narrative actually QUESTIONS it, but damned if he doesn’t try, and he does lend a subdued charisma to the character, to the point where I know that at least some people noticed him more than they did Arthur or Lancelot. I did think he had -40 chemistry with Shin Young Sook, but that could be because I was ALREADY attached to him and Jang Eun Ah’s chemistry in the press call, and that is not so much a failing on one actor’s side or the other’s (I want to emphasize this, because I do NOT have anything against Shin Young Sook SPECIFICALLY on this point), rather it’s something that can’t really be qualified. (And is entirely subjective, I’m sure that plenty of viewers saw NOTHING wrong.) For me, it did cause me to actively cringe at certain scenes, such as the “This is where your Arthur came from”......”seduction”.....scene.

“Lord....I actually have fewer problems saying no to this than you might think, nvmind.”

It COULD be that that’s the look of conflicting desire, but to me, personally, watching it, it rather looks like Merlin just realized that he forgot to turn the stove off at home. Which is a pity, because I was REALLY going in here expecting to like Merlin/Morgana more than the love triangle and instead found it to be very awkwardly handled. I haven’t ENTIRELY given up on it as a ship, in some abstract way that would involve another rewrite of the entire musical, but I can’t REALLY say that there’s. Anything I like about it either. And I think that if I was less stubbornly determined to find SOMETHING in it to like, I’m fairly certain I would be even more uncomfortable with it.

My final verdict: Watching this, despite some impressive visuals (though not QUITE to the same level as fellow Wildhorn musicals The Man Who Laughs, Dracula, and Mata Hari) and performances, I found myself continually wanting to go back to the cast album rather than actually WATCH the musical. Changes have been made since the German production, but I found that, while some of the changes definitely served to make a stronger musical, some of them actively weakened the show, and it's still a little too busy for its own good. I’m also not REALLY sure that the changes made really justified it being given the label World Premiere™, given the hype around it. If it was available for streaming again, would I do it? Yes, because it IS worth at least one watch and the industry NEEDS to do this more. If it was available to buy, even, for $20 or so, I would probably get it. But I’m not sure that, if it was for the~ $100 price that Toho musicals tend to sell for, I would seriously be able to say “Yes, get this”, and I’m not sure that, if an American/European tour of it was miraculously announced, I would REALLY bend over backwards to get tickets.

6/10

Tl;dr: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER?”

[musingsofsaturn]

Opening Up [Kristanna ‘Waitress’ AU] - Chapter Four

[Masterlist for this fic]

Fandom: Frozen/Frozen II

Ship: Anna/Kristoff

Side Pairings: Anna/Hans, Elsa/Honeymaren, Bulda/Cliff

Chapters: 10/10 [COMPLETE]

Rating: M

This Chapter’s Rating: T for mentions of alcoholism

This Chapter’s Word Count: 1,900+

Summary:  Waitress and baker Anna Westergaard’s life changed forever when she discovered some startling news. Dr Kristoff Bjorgman didn’t anticipate liking his new patients quite as much as he did. For better or worse, the residents of the small town of Småby Bend were about to be changed forever.

Author’s Note: Hi folks, apologies for leaving it so long between chapters - it's been a bit of a manic weekend! (The exact reason I never set scheduled upload days - life has a habit of getting in the way!) I hope this chapter is worth the wait. Thank you so much for your support on this so far, It's always greatly appreciated! :)

~ Saturn

[Photo from Serious Eats. The recipe to accompany this chapter is Green Chilli Chocolate Pie. Looks yummy!]

The waiting room’s seats were hard and cold, and Anna found herself reflecting on how unwelcoming that felt as a patient. She was feeling nervous about what the upcoming appointment might reveal about the health of her and her baby, and her mind raced with apprehensive thoughts of what was to come with the pregnancy, and eventual child. The last thing she needed right now was an uncomfortable chair.

“Anna Westergaard?” Kristoff’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts, and she got to her feet to follow him.

As they settled into their respective seats, Anna basked in the feeling of friendly familiarity she found herself experiencing with him. He’d been coming into The Snøffnug Café at least once a week for a slice of pie, cup of coffee, and a quick chat with Anna and the other two waitresses. Even Cliff had begun to give the doctor a friendly greeting and occasional discount when he visited.

“How are you doing today, Anna?” he asked her, friendly but professional.

“I’m doing alright. I feel good, no uncomfortable symptoms. Well, a little bit of morning sickness, but it’s not severe or anything.”

He nodded as he quickly typed up some notes on her answer. “The sonographer at the hospital forwarded me a copy of your scan – did you decide to find out the sex or are you keeping it as a surprise?”

“I don’t want to know,” Anna replied. “I just call it- uh, them ‘baby’.” Her hand subconsciously made its way to her belly, where a small bump was beginning to surface, just little enough for it to still be her secret, though she knew that would soon change.

“Alright, ‘baby’ it is.” His eyes were twinkling with the knowledge of a secret, and Anna couldn’t help but smile. “If you could just hop on the bed for me, and I’ll have a quick measure so we can see how baby’s growing.”

No one would have ever accused Anna of being graceful, and she demonstrated that perfectly as she clumsily mounted the bed. She tried not to move the paper that had been placed down on it, and as a result her movements looked as awkward as they felt. Kristoff was kind enough to pretend not to notice, but Anna couldn’t help but grimace inwardly.

To distract herself from the embarrassment she felt, Anna found herself asking, “So what made you transfer to Småby Bend anyway? You’ve never said.”

Kristoff had just turned to her after rummaging in his desk drawers for a tape measure, and Anna noticed the flicker of hesitation that came across his features. He quickly recovered though, and she thought she might have made it up.

“Oh, it’s kind of a long story. I’ll try to give you the Sparknotes version.” They shared a grin, and he quickly asked her permission to lift her top so he could measure her tummy. She consented, and he went on, “I, uh, I’m actually married. I don’t wear the ring anymore because we’re… separated, I guess? We got married just after I qualified, so like two years ago. Which is a very short time to be married, but apparently long enough for her to realise that she’d actually rather be with someone else, so…”

Anna kept silent as he spoke. His hands on her stomach were warm, and ever so gentle as he carefully measured the small bump from top to bottom. She felt her heart beating faster as he leaned in close to read the numbers on the tape measure. Nervously, she suppressed that feeling as far to the back of her mind as she possibly could.

“I didn’t even see it coming.” He laughed, but there was a great sadness in it. “She just came home from work one day, told me she didn’t love me anymore, and that she was leaving me to be with her best friend.”

In a whisper, Anna let out a soft: “I am so sorry.”

He shook his head. “Don’t be. It was for the best. She’s happier now than she ever was with me, and it’s better to have split up early than to keep up a façade for decades. But I couldn’t stay where we’d started to build a life together, so I went looking for a new job, and it turned out that Småby Bend was in need of a doctor, so here I am!” He paused, glancing up at her in a way that made her think that he was debating whether or not to carry on. “I like it here. It’s a beautiful little town, and it’s got everything I need. The people here are… really lovely as well.” Anna couldn’t ignore the warmth in his expression, but she dismissed the notion that it was for her.

“For what it counts, I’m glad you ended up here.” She meant it.

Standing upright, Kristoff cleared his throat. “Baby’s growing perfectly. Just the size I’d expect them to be at this stage.” He turned around so she could readjust her top to cover her tummy up again, and she heard him typing up something into her notes once more. When he finished, he reached for a blood pressure cuff and turned back to her. “We can take your blood pressure while you’re still lying down, it’s easier for you.”

Not for the first time, Anna recognised how respectful and caring he was towards her. Of course, he was a doctor, so it was to be expected, but she still appreciated how he respected her body and her privacy, and wanted to make these appointments as non-invasive and easy as possible. Her instincts had told her the first time she met him that he was someone she was safe with. Maybe it was that sense of safety, or the idea that she had to reciprocate his honesty, but she started to speak.

“Hans wasn’t always a drinker. We started dating in high school, so obviously he wasn’t drinking then. I’d had a crush on him for years; he was so handsome, and sweet, and funny.” She smiled to herself. “When he asked me out, I thought I was so happy that I thought I was going to faint. He was so nice to me, you wouldn’t believe. My mama died when I was sixteen, and he was right there to support me through it. What teenage boy can take that responsibility?

“Did you know Småby Bend used to have a cloth manufacturer? It was a factory for knitting wools and fleeces and stuff for blankets.” Kristoff nodded that he knew what she was referring to, and Anna went on, “Hans worked there after graduation, six days a week for seven whole years. It paid for our wedding, for the house, and all the little things we needed. And I worked in the café, just to keep myself busy more than anything.

“The businesses that used the factory’s supplies weren’t happy with their profit margins, though. Not only could they get the same material cheaper from elsewhere, but we’re so ‘middle of nowhere’ that we were really hard for them to get to so they could pick up their stuff. So more and more companies stopped buying from Småby Bend, and eventually they just closed the factory altogether.

“We’d only been married for two months, but after that, Hans was miserable. He felt useless, like a failure, and he used to have a drink every night to take the edge off his worrying. Then he started drinking through the day too, and now I think he drinks more beers than he does water.”

Kristoff hadn’t moved while she was telling him all this, but he carefully stepped towards her now to begin sliding the blood pressure cuff up her arm.

“It’s been four years since the factory closed. Now he’s got a job at the garage, but he still drinks every day. Sometimes I think that he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to anymore. It makes him angry. The world makes him angry; he feels lost, and not himself, I can tell. And I make him angry sometimes. Some of the things I say, or do, just… I piss him off. I don’t mean to, but I do.”

She was finished, and she knew that Kristoff picked up on that, although he didn’t say anything. In silence, he filled the cuff with air, before taking the reading and going to write it down.

“Your- the reading suggests that your blood pressure is a little low,” he said eventually. “It shouldn’t be too serious, but just to make you aware.”

“Okay, thank you,” she answered politely. She didn’t like this new way they were speaking to each other. It felt so professional, so distant. “I brought you a pie,” she told him at last. “‘Death by Chilli Chocolate’. It’s a new recipe I’m testing out, so I want to know what you think of it.”

“I’ll be sure to stop by with my critiques.” He smiled at her, and she basked in the warmth of it. “That’s it for today, you can hop down whenever you’re ready.”

She got up quickly, too quickly. The dizziness hit her like a sack of bricks, and she felt herself losing her balance. The ground seemed to be galloping up towards her as the room spun, and she cried out as she realised that she was falling.

Strong arms on her own helped her to regain her balance. Kristoff’s grip was firm as he steadied her, and her dizziness slowly receded as he held her upright. She looked up at his face, meeting his concerned gaze as she came back to herself.

“Are you alright?” he asked worriedly.

“I’m fine. Thank you.” She made no move to step away from him, and neither did he.

They could have pretended that they stayed that close for that long simply because they were concerned. He could say that he was keeping hold of her to make sure she was fully recovered before he let go. She could have said that she still felt dizzy, and she needed his strength to steady her.

But that wouldn’t have explained why his hand went to her face, gently brushing aside a piece of hair that had come loose when she lost her balance. That gentleness was magnetic to Anna. She stepped closer to him, so close she could feel his breath on her.

“Anna,” he murmured, “You deserve so much more than a husband who doesn’t realise how lucky he is to have you.”

She didn’t reply. She didn’t even think. Instead, she moved her hands to his shoulders, rising to tip-toe even as he leaned down towards her. Kristoff’s hand cupped her face and his arm wrapped around her waist, pressing her closer to him and making butterflies flutter in her stomach. Her heart was pounding, and the room was spinning for an entirely different reason than before. It felt as though every moment in her life had been leading to this one, here, with her leaning in desperately to kiss Kristoff Bjorgman.

A knock on the door caused them to jump apart mere milliseconds before their lips met.

“Come in,” Kristoff called, startled but recovering now that they were separate.

A nurse opened the door, and Anna didn’t hear a word they said as she fumbled with her bag, placing the cake tin she’d brought for him on his desk. Her fingers were shaking as she buttoned up her coat, and when the nurse left, she all but ran from the room.

Next Chapter

[hellishvu]

Imagine BTS (maknae line): when they get interviewed about their crush

— this is an old post that i did on my wattpad, honestly this trend has passed but it is still SO DAMN CUTE so. and also since someone requested i do the hyung line i thought you people would want to read the maknae before i post the hyung line when im done with it. so yeah! this is old writing so beware! but enjoy and thank you for all the support with the requests i did not expect so many but you guys are amazing and im super excited with the ideas you sparked into me so!! 

Park Jimin: ˚✧₊⁎

"I should probably introduce myself right? Well I'm Park Jimin. I've been crushing or something on a person for.. a long time but that's not the point! I was told that this would be used as a documentary on idol lives." Jimin explained as he smiled feeling a bit shy about all this.

"If they lied to me about this I will be extremely mad!" Jimin said as he was obviously joking about the situation. The realization of what he signed up for just hit.

"Okay.. okay enough fooling around let's get this done." Jimin looked up and smiled directly at the camera.

How did you two meet?

"..." Jimin had fell silent as the blush rose up on his face. Jimin needed a second to think about the moment, the memory.

"We.. had met, through a club." Jimin announced as he tapped his foot. His voice slow to cause a dramatic affect.

"Okay I can't keep the dramatic effect." Jimin laughed going back to his normal voice.

"I was in a club with the members and I was ordering drinks and I wasn't feeling too well and so I didn't dance like usual and I was drinking lightly not wanting a massive hangover the next day." Jimin set the setting to the viewers and he did hand gestures to all the words that spilled out.

"It's.. quite a situation. So I was drinking alone, the members were out dancing and I didn't want to hold them up. So I was sitting by myself drinking my water and eating my chips. This guy comes up to me all of a sudden!" Jimin gets annoyed as he has to replay this moment.

"He's like flirting with me and I obviously don't want to do anything with him! So I'm like "yeah... uh huh... sure." Call me mean but I just had no intention of romantic feelings towards this guy!" Jimin explained as he put his hands up.

"So I was fairly getting annoyed, then... he came in. He said that he was my boyfriend." Jimin shivered in embarrassment.

"He was like "Hey baby do you want to go to the dance floor?" And at this time just telling you guys! I never had a boyfriend! So my eyes were basically popping out of its skull!" Jimin said.

"And then the guy wasn't convinced because well he was a drunk, so he said "Huh? I bet he isn't even your boyfriend." And I saw him get so cocky he grinned! He embraced me and I was caught up of what the fuck was happening and next thing I know he's lips are on mine!" Jimin screamed as he hid his face.

What was your first impression?

"Well.. his lips were soft, sweet and tender." Jimin said as he touched his lips feeling the emptiness of his.

"I- He tried to talk to me once the drunk man left but I couldn't hear a single thing so he dragged me to the bathroom, I thought I was going to have like a one-night stand or something because at this point he's attractive, he saved me from a unwanted drunk man."

"I really had to stop myself! I knew in my head that I shouldn't! Cut this out! Cu-" The video suddenly cut, putting the next scene.

"My first impression of him was that I found him bold, I never thought he would kiss me and he sorta acted like it was nothing after. He had said why he did it and he said sorry and I recommended we exchange numbers so I could give him like a reward for being nice."

Did you two get awkward after the kiss?

"No, we usually would laugh it off. He's honestly a really good guy. There was this time where I was so stressed with all this work load I had and it was late at night and everyone was asleep and I had texted him. In my head I didn't have much hope that he would be awake but he was. I just said to "call me" We had talked and I told him everything about how stressful it all was and he calmed me down and he spent like 3 hours just being there for me and he told me he was going come over but I told him he couldn't I wanted him to get sleep." Jimin smiled as he had held up the screenshot of the duration of that call.

"I found me staring at his eyes, his eyes held all the stars in the entire universe. Before sleeping I would always replay that kiss and how soft and sweet he held me. I don't know what's worse, not knowing what it's like to kiss your crush or knowing how the kiss felt but knowing you can't get it again." Jimin frowned as he had rubbed his eyes.

"We would go out and he would pick out things that reminded him of me and he'll do the cutest things that made my heart explode which he would find songs that reminded him of me and he would send them to me and they would be so soft. I have a whole playlist of just his song recommendations. He would buy me little gifts and one time I made sure he got a ticket during tour and he came and I saw him and he was wearing a Jimin t-shirt and he was so so so so so cute. He even got fast shipping of an Army Bomb since I told him he would go like 2 days before and it costed him so much money due to shipping. I imagine he's like my little cheerleader." Jimin showed photos of you two after the concert and the sweet things you would buy him, Jimin would have an whole album just called "Twinkle Y/N and Starry Jimin"

Jimin phone's rang as he apologized and answered it.

"Jimin?" "Y/N? I'm in a interview." "Oh! I'm sorry,, I just never knew my eyes were starry." "Huh?" "You know you should never think I would never kiss you again Jimin." "What!? How do-" "Jimin I'm watching it right now." "Please end my suffering now, you heard everything?" "Yes, you pumpkin. I would love to go out with you Jimin." "Pick me up at 8pm."

Kim Taehyung: ˚✧₊⁎

"Oh god, I'm really like in a buzzfeed interview aren't I?" Taehyung chuckled as he sat in the middle of the finding himself patiently waiting looking around the dark room.

"They told me this was for a like a love documentary so I'm trusting their word on it." Taehyung explained as he looked down to see the mic on his piece of clothing.

"Alright lets get this done." Taehyung smiled as the camera started rolling.

How did you two meet?

"I knew this question was going to come up." Taehyung said as he sighed trying to go back to that day.

"I met him, through a karaoke night. Sounds very cheesy considering I'm a singer but here we are. I was singing that night with some friends and I had started singing. A lot of the time we get a private room due to us being shy... but they were all out and we planned this night so we just publicly did our bullshit." Taehyung said as he gestured fake singing.

"It was my turn, and I had gotten up the stage and felt glares. I was actually really nervous due to how intense they were. Maybe they were drunk or something but I got up there and started to sing one of my favorite songs and I looked around trying to find a calmer face and then I met his.." Taehyung said as he did his classic box smile.

"He... was calming. I couldn't help myself not staring at him. We both found eachother staring the entire song and the song was a love song also.  After that I finished the song, I was going to walk to him and it was quite awkward but he was like honey and I wanted to get closer to him." Taehyung looked down at the ground smiling.

Have you tried to confess your feelings?

"I have. I really had this mental battle between me and myself. We got closer and we shared a same passion for something, I couldn't help myself from getting closer to him. It was nice seeing someone with the same desire for something as you do." Taehyung explained not looking at the camera much.

"So when you find yourself, seeing yourself possibly ruin a relationship. It's really scary, I found myself laying at night a lot just wondering if I should really tell him how I feel. Once I told myself to get it over with and tell him how I feel I later find out by one of my friends he was taken. So it really stung, my confidence and my overall mood went downhill. I had distanced myself from him, and overall just tried to get over him as a whole. Of course he was confused not knowing how I felt why I suddenly had this attitude shift I basically had to see him as a friend. Now I am fine with being friends but I know in the back of my heart that we could have been something more." Taehyung explained as he had a sense of hurt and cracks in his explanation. He had tried to hide it but everyone in the room could sense how much it actually affected him.

What is your favorite quality that he has?

"There has to be so many but I guess I can list one of them off." Taehyung thought about it for a moment before coming to a conclusion. Taehyung cleared this throat as he sat up straight.

"My favorite quality of his was that he was able to look outside of the normal. He was different from a normal perspective. He found things that I couldn't see. He found himself fighting society and overall him liking men was just a battle of society by itself. He wasn't afraid of being himself and even when he was at the lowest point of his time he always found a way to see a brighter side of things through all the darkness. Society saw a box but he would see more than just that, he knew when you felt bad, he knew what you had a small haircut. He was observant. I truly loved that about him." Taehyung said as he sadly smiled to himself. Feeling that he's gushing over a person that doesn't have the same feelings as he does. Taehyung saw all the people behind the cameras go quiet as Taehyung tilted his head.

"I truly did love him." Taehyung snickered as he felt himself cry. Taehyung didn't look up trying to fight the tears that was happening. His eyes burned and his vision turned blurry.

Last Question: What would you say if he was in the next room?

"I don't want to see him. Not like this." Taehyung admitted as he wiped his tears. The red puffy eyes that he had.

"He made a same video. If you'll like to see it." The director asked as Taehyung looked up and saw a screen being placed in front of him. The screen had you in the screen, the same set, same lighting.

"How do you feel about Kim Taehyung?"

"I.. It's a long story with that. I really like Taehyung. Not as a friend, that's why I broke up with my partner. I found myself thinking about Taehyung more than them. I just wish I had done it earlier. I want us to be something more. So Taehyung.. stop crying"

Taehyung looked up and saw the video was live. Taehyung sniffed and wiped his tears once again.

"Taehyung I love you."

"You can't do this to me now!" Taehyung covered his face as you had laughed through the screen.

"Stop crying." You frowned as Taehyung lifted his head from his hands.

"I love you god damn it." Taehyung the delicate feelings he had for you was finally being returned.

Jeon Jungkook: ˚✧₊⁎

"They told me this would be.. helpful for something!" Jungkook laughed as the cameras rolled, he was quite nervous for some odd reason and he found himself playing with his fingers. Jungkook saw the room completely empty.

"I.. What are you going to do with this anyway?" Jungkook asked as the cameras rolled. The cute little smile came back, Jungkook chuckled as to hide his nervousness.

"Alright.. lets get it." Jungkook said as he sat still having his cute little rings on.

How did you two meet?

"Oh gosh, it was so long ago but it feels like yesterday. I had to.. study, you know? I was trying to go to school and learn English and he was one of the ones at my school that knew it and could teach really well... so I took one of his little flyers and gosh,, I was so shy and nervous and I just kept putting myself down every second I couldn't say a word." Jungkook explained as he felt a tint of red on his ears. The heat burned up as he explained how he met you.

"But he.. was so nice? It was really refreshing to see someone that believed in me every second of the way. I found myself staring at him when he was teaching a new word or how the english grammar worked. I just found myself being fond of him, it was embarrassing when he caught me!" Jungkook covered his face as he bounced his foot on the leg stool.

When you knew you started to like him?

"Oh you guys are really just going for it.." Jungkook laughed to himself as he thought and he looked like a light bulb went off when he finally found a moment.

"There was this time, when we had.. been practicing all day due to the comeback and I had missed all day of classes but since his tutoring was afterschool I could make it. So I went so exhausted and my entire outfit showed, I had sweatpants and a hoodie and he noticed. He would ask me if I had enough sleep or if I had ate."

"Of course I had said yes so he didn't need to worry about me, I really been enjoying him teaching me and I didn't want to miss another lesson or class. So half way through the lesson I felt myself slipping in and out of sleep. I drank water to keep myself awake and nothing was working and in mid way of him just explaining the difference between words I fell asleep on his shoulder." Jungkook said as he had been embarrassed that he had let himself get that tired.

"Later I found out from him, that he took me home. He carried me out of the library that we met at and took the bus home, I had woken up at my bed, and I walked to my kitchen to see that he got me take out. I think I really.. fell for him at that point. He could have left me and just not given another though but he had made sure I was okay and I had meals..." Jungkook admitted as you could tell Jungkook thought about the male a lot, that he was grateful for the little things he did.

If you could dedicated one song to him which one would it be?

"Oh my! Come on guys! You really want me to do that!" Jungkook said as he had took out his phone from the permission of the directors. Jungkook chuckled as he clicked through his music playlists.

"Music.. I really cant express it in words of how much it has influenced me throughout my whole life, so just having a song dedicated to someone and that reminds me of them so much is special. It really means they are special to me." Jungkook expressed as he had click on some songs hearing them for a split second before clicking the next one.

Unfold - Alina Baraz & Galimatias

"I think finding someone that you can be safety vulnerable to and be complete yourself without holding yourself back is really beautiful and should be protected. With this song it talks a lot about this person unfolding and constantly feeling that this person constantly saying that they glow and this person can't help but feel okay to unfold their shell of defensive behaviors. That they can't control to fall in love with this person." Jungkook explained with hand gestures and found himself going really deep into a song that was close to his heart.

"This really connects to me and his relationship because he constantly makes me feel like Im glowing with the amount of care he gives me and how much he supports me and he's just not afraid of being there for me. Ahh... I sound so weird." Jungkook said as he felt the blush rise up again.

Last Question: what would you say to him right now?

"What- Is he here?" Jungkook's eyes widen as he realized looking around. The film crew snickering behind their cameras

"Did he hear what.. I just said about him?!" Jungkook got red all over his face as he had found himself covering his face once again.

"Jungkook." Jungkook heard as he looked at the camera man. He took off his hat and soon found out that it was Y/N. Jungkook got up and saw you walk towards him.

"No! You did not jus- You really- You set me up." Jungkook yelled at you as you got closer opening up your arms. You found him walking towards you hugging him. Jungkook mumbled a quiet sentence.

"What did you say?" You said a slightly chuckle leaving your mouth.

"I hate you." Jungkook said as you rubbed his hair.

[crmediagal]

I Have A Lot of Thoughts...

Okay. I just got back from seeing TROS. Bearing in mind that I already knew the main spoilers involving my precious boy, Ben Solo, and my beloved ship Reylo, I still have So. Many. Questions. And a flippin’ series of disappointments to whinge about, so get ready.

!!! WARNING: #TROS SPOILERS AHEAD !!!

Lets start with the main and, for me, most important factors: Reylo and Ben Solo

At the end of the day, if Reylo wasn’t ever intended to be end game, I could have lived with that. I’ve shipped whatever the heck I wanna ship and written those ships in fandoms I’ve loved for years, regardless of their basis (or more often, not) in the canonverse. I’d have survived if there was no kiss at the end.

Back in early 2016, when people were still speculating that Ben and Rey were related, I was writing them as lovers and doting parents, so, erm, again, for me, the ship wasn’t contingent upon them becoming canon in order to hold legitimacy/meaning. It shouldn’t for anyone, really. Ship whatever you wanna ship, guys! Love them regardless of screen time or lack thereof!

That being said, I will cherish That Moment™ forever when the Reylo shippers got a glimpse of what this incredible coupling could have been. And in the actual canon material, no less. That’s more than I'd have ever expected to receive and, frankly, was enough for me to be satisfied.

HOWEVER.

I was fully invested in this trilogy from start to finish for Ben Solo.  And that is where I've been most letdown, disheartened, and pained.

At the off, sure, Kylo Ren made for an interesting archetype “villain” in TFA, but the moment we learned of his true identity, the Bad Boy™ appeal, for me, melted away. I fell in love with the tortured young man who had never really had the freedom of choice; who had the burden of war heroes for parents and a royal bloodline that traced back to Vader; who was abandoned by his family and left to navigate the enormity of his powers and abilities on his own. I was taken with Ben Solo’s troubled, many-layered complexity and this character took on a whole new meaning for me after TFA.

Like so many other Ben Redemptionists, I desperately wanted to see Ben Solo free of the torture he’d suffered all his life. And that life wasn’t long in years, unlike Anakin’s. By the end of Anakin’s life, he was more machine than man and middle-aged.

All the more reason that I needed to see Ben redeemed in this story...and allowed to walk freely in the sun. 

SW is built on forgiveness and redemption, after all, so why would they not bring Ben Solo back to the Light and take him where Anakin’s story never could go? The groundwork was laid in two films and reiterated in countless interview quotes the creators dropped on us for four effin’ years. Disney and the creators seemed as invested in Ben Solo’s redemption arc as the fans were, so I wasn’t too worried about seeing it come full circle. 

Hooooo boy. #MyBigFatMistakeThatIWillNeverMakeAgain

Ben Solo’s redemption, while earned in the last few minutes of TROS, was horribly cheapened when the creators decided to ‘play it safe’ by making him sacrifice himself. It wasn’t romantic and tragic, as I’m sure JJ and the creators were aiming for, but, rather, a Grade F example of very poor, very subpar writing. We got to see Ben for a few moments as himself whilst much of his storyline and importance in TROS was cruelly (and, it would seem, very purposely) reduced in the last film, too, when such plot for his character was supposed to be centre stage.

Less time devoted to Ben’s arc and then killing him off sends so many terrible messages, particularly for kids. You’d think Disney would understand that better than most.

Death is not hopeful. Redemption in the form of a young man, who was barely given the chance to live in Light and Love, dying as soon as his true self was realised isn’t hope. It’s been done before in this saga, as it has in many others, so it just makes the whole play-by-play defeatist and devastating. And after 40+ years of Skywalkers and Solos suffering in this universe, haven’t we ALL had enough of that, JJ? Disney?

They made Rey a Palpatine--a ‘surprise’ that had me actually laughing in the cinema and asking myself nervously, ‘Is this a joke?’--who takes the name of Skywalker to renounce her own bloodline but in the end, JJ, Disney, and the creators still sent us the same damnable, harrowing message: that Palpatine won.

#YIKES. That isn’t hope either, JJ! Disney! ABORT ABORT ABORT!

I thought JJ and the creators would be bolder than this PG-level crap. I thought Ben’s journey would be a true reversal of Vader’s, just as the director himself quoted not too long ago, and what did we get instead? Dusty old tropes and the sour takeaway that redemption will always come at a price rather than at its simplest, most exceptional form: the beauty of a second chance. 

In the end, Ben Solo’s never to know freedom from Darkness? He's never to have the opportunity to make right of his wrongs by living in the Light? He's never to grow old? Instead, he’s to die a too-young death in the hands of a woman who actually loves and cares about the role he has to play in this whole saga; perhaps, the only one who cares at that point?

That’s cruel, JJ. Disney. And, again, utterly hopeless.

Hell, Ben’s not even one of the Force Ghosts Rey sees in the last scene of the movie! (A convenient loophole, yes, and the flicker of an opportunity to, perhaps, bring him back but it’s a wildly overlooked mistake if that wasn’t intended by the creators...and I don’t think it was intentional to make him Not There™.)

I don’t get this saga anymore. I failed to grasp the overall message of Hope in TROS. At all. I’m beyond disappointed at the assassination of Ben’s character to give others, who shall remain nameless, more screen time and a beefier storyline which was, frankly, always quite thin to begin with. I feel like I’ve been cheated on...and it hurts so badly to be so letdown by something you’ve loved and supported for so long.

And some other ridiculous absurdities in TROS while we’re still here:

Why was this film ALL about Rey’s lineage, a direction that seemed to come out of nowhere when it was already established in TLJ that her background wasn’t important or crucial to her part in the story? She came from nowhere, so why did this become a central thing?

I’ll admit that I never really cared whether Rey was a Skywalker or a Kenobi or had any given name. I rather enjoyed the idea that she had built herself up from nothing. That was an empowering message, in fact, and a strong one, I think. It was certainly leaps and bounds better than the, ‘HA! GOTCHA! SHE’S PALPATINE’S GRANDDAUGHTER!’ reveal that was laid onto us way too thick in the Final Act.

Ew. Gross. No thanks. I hate it. Take it back. It’s a passe trick to try and pull on the audience at the last minute.

One of many more examples of poor writing by the creators, I suppose. 

Also, since when is Finn a Force sensitive? Did I miss something in TFA or TLJ that suggested he possessed that gift? No? Ah. More lousy writing.

Additionally, why does Finn spend the entire movie running after Rey? Why was his romantic storyline with Rose completely dropped and nonexistent in TROS?

It’s almost as if JJ and the creators were giving TLJ director, Rian Johnson, the middle finger throughout the entire finale that was this garbage of a movie. Nice work in undoing all the innovative things Rian brought to the saga, JJ. TROS is even worse™ than the Prequels...and THAT’s saying something.

Why did all the voices of Jedis past speak to Rey but never the helpless Ben Solo who had Palpatine raping his ear from the time he was a baby? It seems sketchy and unfair?

Again, lots of TROS makes little sense. It felt like an entirely separate movie to me--separate from the rest of the saga--and doesn’t wrap 40+ years of this series up all too nicely. It’s anything but. It’s confusing, heartbreaking, and leaves one without much hope.

So...we come to the end of my ramblings and wailings:

Ben Solo was the most interesting, convoluted, and beautifully crafted character from this new trilogy and a true redemption would have served the legacy upon which the SW saga is built--Hope™--so much better, including but not limited to its utilisation in making Han’s death carry meaning. Because his son would have not only returned to the Light but gotten to Live™ and experience it fully.

What a remarkably hopeful ending that would have been...

Instead, we got garbage writing and the redundant SW tropes.

Ben Solo deserved better. JJ and the creators absolutely wasted his potential in this story and I’ll be forever crestfallen..and retreating more and more into my own Ben Redemption fics because to hell with this elementary-level bullsh*t.

Han Solo deserved for his son’s part in his demise to not be utterly pointless at the end because, hey ho, guess what? YOUR SON DIED ANYWAY?!

Leia Organa deserved to not only see her son redeemed but to have that emotional reunion many of us were craving. She had already lost so much, but I guess JJ and the creators decided to just...serve the general more pain in the end. Wow. Rude. Such disrespect. Carrie Fisher wouldn’t have stood for it.

And Rey... My gawd, she deserved better, too. She should never been tied to Palpatine in order to make her seem more important. That grossly underserved her character.

She also should have had her other half. The yang to her yin. The only other person in the entire ruddy galaxy who understood her: Ben. She deserved to not be left alone at the end of TROS, just as she had started in TFA.

I’m going to go work on my WIP Reylo fic now and try to forget TROS entirely.

[aemperatrix]

Keats Is Coughing

by Marianne Boruch

Everything is made of everything. — Leonardo da Vinci

I found Rome in the woods.

Fair to admit it’s mostly tundra to the west in the park, past Toklat the Denali I revised, low grasslands engineered to freeze deep by October — this being Alaska — the great

           Tabularium close to the Temple of            Castor and Pollux I rebuilt that same summer —             not superimposed, exact as any scheme

in secret — the Arch of Septimius Severus at the gravel bar        where fox drank from a river turned stream,           a Theater of Marcellus near               the ranger station where one raven,                                                                                    such a brat,   complained of                      my Circus Maximus, Trajan’s Column,                              my Baths of Diocletian, too many spots soaked in unpronounceable Latin.

                   I really did, I shouldered bits of it,      a ruin-hushed haunted business, my brain                                                         a truck bed, a lift, pulleys big as a whale’s heart, expletives of cheap wonder all over                                                                  my woodlot and expanse.                          One self-anoints to embellish day, years, life thus far, and think oneself so...    

                      Then busted — 

by a raven!

Well, that’s memory for you, that’s so-called        civilization for you, to layer up,                         to redo the already done.

I mean it’s a fact, the puny life span we’re allotted.              And proof — Denali in August, fireweed, spunky scrawny first Latinate — Erechtites hieracifolia — 

              giving off flowers to mark               what weeks left, little               time bomber, time traveler, ancient               slips red-flagging the countdown to winter               by climbing its own stalk.

Something perverse about that. Something perfectly fiendishly self-conscious about that.

•

From the start perverse, any premise.      Ask...We can’t know. To be compelled

           makes an occasion. Rome’s grand     past horrific, fire and ash, swamp into bog, lust              and bloodlust — 

The Alaska Range dreams lurid as Rome,                                        the worst way below being fire, summer snow at night      off the highest peaks by noon              as distant from our cabin as the size of a hand if I                         held up the one with                         an eye in the middle

to know how this works. Some have the power to raise from the dead a before, before scary and beautiful           back to mystery cults, in caves, rubble far under a Roman street, the altar to Mithras still slaying his bull, crumbling the stonework.

            All things being equal. But they’re not.                    Agony, it’s older.                      Ask the moose at Denali,                         the snowshoe hare, the lynx,

such a wily courtly lot.                                           Ask Ovid      banished to his hovel on the Black Sea, aching                for Rome’s exalted rude cacophony, each      exiled month a big thick X down

                                  Februarius,                                 Aprilis to home-shattered sick enough

for an undersong. Look it up! Undersong: a strain; a droning; the burden of a song —                                              Maybe that lowest common denominator is contagious. Rome or Denali, a mash-up of lunge and cry out, predator and prey throwing coins to a fountain, footholds made first by a hoof, pickpockets at buses and trains, nuns queuing up their no-nonsense, thorny brambles, raggedy spruce groves,                                           a look, a nod to sell loveless love on the street, a chain of mountains in choral repeat, saints stained to glass, how ice gouged rivers from rock-bound,                                 the one-lung rapturous common-sense Pope all outstretched arms, his little popemobile circling the thrilled at St. Peter’s up on our rickety chairs to see in six, seven languages how radiant —                             Cross my heart, he was. And Keats, Keats is coughing.

•

You find the fossil record everywhere. In woods, tundra, under streets, in cadaver labs.                                 Not those bright transparencies, wistful orderly page after page in biology, a lie, a kind of flip-book romance. It’s the one big mess of us in us, the generous extraordinary dead prove that, signing a paper, giving themselves away                                            to be cut, disembodied for the knowing it, sunk to their chemical depth in some afterlife, opened on a table by kids really,                                             belabored doctors-to-be, our shabby shared wilderness to untangle, bones   joints   arteries   valves,                                                         The Dissector in hand, weirdest how-to book on the planet. For Keats too, 1819, his scribbled roses and sunflowers in margins,                                                                  his training,                                                           his anatomy theatre, looking down and later: still London, then Rome (he who gets it,  body fails, second floor, beside the Spanish Steps).                                           Heart, not my heart anymore.                                     Forgive me. I’m worse than the hopelessly confused misnamed English sparrow, descendant of the great weaver birds of Africa, a finch that lost the gene

      for nest, how to beneath, to across so intricate, precise, bringing bringing sticks and hair and bits of shiny paper. Undersong: the burden of a song.                                                       Poor bird. Poor sweet muddled middle of it. I watched morning after morning, his offering...                                                                           It’s Keats who made claims about beauty and time. His bed at the last                        too low for the window, his must-have                                 tell me, what’s out there — 

I admit: a ridiculous layering, Rome in Denali. Just because? Because I went to both in short order? Two continents, an ocean apart. My mother loved hand-me-down expressions — never the twain shall meet. They do meet.                           To repeat: that’s civilization for you. Happenstance and right now drag along future and past                             and why the hell not the Denali, the Rome in any of us, no two states of being more unalike, worn-out compulsion to collect and harbor, piece together,                                                                    stupid into some remember machine.

  Such fabulous unthinkable inventions we’ve made to merge or unmake: the trash compactor,   the poem, all tragedy and story, pencils sharpened to

a point that keeps breaking, wilderness gone inward as

                  an ocean-going ship’s container,                         a Gatling gun,                                 the AR-15 of the seething deranged,                                         the H-bomb,                                             Roman legions to Canterbury to blood-up fields into legend then dig the first plumbing but

                                            how can you                                             be in two places at once                                             when you’re not anywhere at all!

       (Thank you, Firesign Theatre, brilliant wackos,              old vinyl on a turntable still in the game... )

                     Fine. Fuck it. Start over.

•

See the sheep on high ledges, the arctic squirrels below.

See the way Dante saw, sweeping his arm across Vasari’s great painting as Boccaccio looks off, the plague sealing city after city. Dante

in hell, steady-luminous     those fact-finding trips to service           his worldly Inferno.

Winter sleeps through. August at Denali, bears shovel it down       a razor-edged maw —                                                 twigs! berries! more stems! —  Fate hoards to prepare, sub-zeros, fattens into...   

See the park’s camper bus, 92 miles how most of us jolt and slow, crossing hours more daylight than night all summer, rattling tin can with its exhaust and hissing gravel, the fear landslide                  an undersong just-possible, how we zigzag a mountain. Look!

                 Nearing a bear, the young caribou abruptly                             hesitant, shy as a leaf — 

No! Don’t! Do not! That grizzly huge, bent to his ploy just                                                 these berries around here, his ignore ignore, sure, quiet-tense as a trigger, and we of                      fogged scratched windows so hard to open — 

stop! The bus stopped. Jesus. The thing curious, closer...                          They’re not

that smart anyhow, a stage-whispering drunk from the back      of our imperial realm, mile 62, the Park Road.

What did Venus decree in her temple up whichever narrow street in Rome, the Ancients’                             stink of slops, standing water,           a bear chained to a slave (out of slav, by the way,                             backdrop is horde, human spoils)

both shackled to a grindstone for                                                             a later mob and roar.

Here’s what we saw: the little caribou  in reverse wanders sideways and safe.                                             Our bus one big sigh or like a wheezing asthmatic the brakes unbrake.

Bad dream, bad dream, the undersong start to all fable if                        for real we’d seen that kill back to lions off their continent cornered, bloodied in the great amphitheaters, rearing up, a nail to hammer’s                                   bite and blow. The wilderness in us

is endless. Near the cabin, near evening, a warbler                               in the fireweed                                                    hawk saw or heard,                          his switchblade clicked to —                                                                         I was and I was                      whirling feathers, either bird —    Every hunger                            is first century. Forever-thus   feral cats at the Forum about to leap too.                                                        The Forum, last homage   I shoveled holes and rocks to   remake, mile 82, while the haymouse riddled the meadow   down deep, her catacombs.

•

Time + beauty = ruins. Perfect shapes in the mind       meet my friends Pointless and Threat and Years of       Failure to Meld or Put to Rest. Ruthless                                                                                 is human.

I ask a composer: How to live with this undersong thing                             over and over, how to

                                                                   get rid of it,                                                                        the world of it — 

 He looks at me. What undersong thing? And shrugs       I’ll put it on the test! Let students define it.

     So I dreamt such a test: Go there. To Rome.                    Half-doze against a wall                      two thousand years of

    flesh    sweat    insect wing ago, stone laid by hand, by a boy when a whip, a whip, a welling up, his will not speak.

   Have at it. Please explain. Please fill in this blank.

Grief punctures like ice, moves like a glacier   to flat and slog and myth, low blue and white flowers       we hiked trail-less. The rangers insist. They insist — 

      never follow or lead, never lay down a path.

                                                                       From above the look of us spread out, our seven or eight a band, little stray exhausted figures                                           as over the land bridge from Asia,

circa: prehistory keeps coming, older than Rome, both   both underfoot, understory, underway

        miles below numb, it’s burning.

•

To see at all, you time                                         and this time and time again.

The spirit leans intrigued, the other part bored, then there’s want,                                                                    then there’s wait.

Once a city began with a wolf whose two human pups would      build, would watch it fall, nursing                                              at her milk for centuries               in marble               in bronze.

         She stands there and cries of                                                               that pleasure, by turns a blood-chill. The tundra. At night.

A snake eats its own tail, forever at it on a fresco. A real snake                       leaves his skin near the gravel bar. Some words sting, some are sung. Another life isn’t smaller.

[tessatechaitea]

Justice Society of America #6 (1993)

Weak as an asthmatic kitten in light!

Do cats get asthma? I'd hate for somebody to fact check and discover I once said an incorrect thing! My reputation as a staunch teller of ultimate truths is on the line here. Anyway, if it turns out cats can't get asthma, I was speaking euphemistically and you were too dumb to understand that. Dumby. I don't want to call my readers "dumby" but you remember that part about me being a staunch teller of ultimate truths? Well, sorry to reveal something your parents were too cowardly to confide to you. I was too busy contemplating how incredibly fucking cute and sweet a little coughing asthmatic kitten would be pay attention to the cover of JSA #6. But now that I've really looked at it, I'm confused as to why Doctor Mid-Nite is beating up zookeepers. I hesitate to assume the reason is that he's blind because that would probably be ableist. Maybe he was just molested by zookeepers as a young man. An aside: the family member I admire most on Facebook is the one who posts absolutely nothing about anything but every now and then unlocks a badge from Untappd.

Is this an historically accurate Nazi uniform? It looks like she's trying to make the shape of a swastika.

Ugh. I can't believe I just became one of those people who put "an" in front of "historically." It's weird how a little bit of side-boob can make me start thinking, "Were the Nazis really so terrible?" But this is a fictional world where they actually weren't that terrible! They even had a giant war Ferris wheel that would roll around ravaging the world and genociding people. Kind of exactly like a carnival, really. In the real world, Nazis were super bad and they are the villains of every action movie ever set from 1938 to, I'm assuming, 2021. I'm sure we're right around the corner from a Wicked-style Broadway musical from the perspective of Adolf Hitler where the audience learns that he wasn't really the bad guy the earlier protagonists made him out to be. If you don't want that to happen, you'll probably need to go back in time to murder John Gardner before he writes Grendel because I'm pretty sure that's where this whole "let's examine the life and motivations of the bad guy outside of the light of the previous protagonist's propaganda!"

I was thoroughly anti-Nazi when I began reading this comic book but these side-boob arguments are really winning me over.

How are the JSA going to win me back to their side?! They only have one woman on the team and Hawkgirl doesn't ever show any side-boob! I'm afraid America is about to fall and all I can think is, "Hee hee hee. Hee hee hee. Boobies." The Justice Society flies in to spout some patriotic garbage about liberty while The Flash beats up all the Nazis during the first third of the speech. I wonder if The Flash ever gets emotionally exhausted having to bear so much of the load of battling the bad guys. It's a good thing he's not one of those jerks you always wind up working with who never wants to do more work than the next guy so he always works as slowly as possible. But the problem in blue collar work is that most of the people you wind up working with are that guy! So their work output winds up being that of the lowest common denominator. Imagine if The Flash was one of those guys! He'd have to wait for Doctor Mid-Nite to throw a smoke bomb and fist fight a guy for five minutes before The Flash would take out his man in one second (after standing around for four minutes and fifty-nine seconds). The battle goes poorly for the Nazis which I'm elated to see because, you know, proud patriot here and all. Boo Nazis! Boo? Boob! Nazi side-boobs! Go Nazis! As the Nazis nearly defeated, they launch a huge bomb at the White House (which is where this fight is taking place because the Nazis are trying to kill Roosevelt).

"Look! Up in the sky! A noise!"

Yes, you perverts. That's the leg of the side-boob Nazi on the left and if I'd scanned a little bit more, you would have had a nice crotch shot. Sorry to disappoint you, horny nerds. Green Lantern lets the bomb explode on a big green patriotic shield because the Nazi's were too dumb to make the bomb out of two by fours. Wildcat says, "Yay!", as Roosevelt watches through a nearby window. His nurse, Nancy, approaches him slowly from behind. She pulls a Nazi pistol on him, full of Nazi bullets! It looks like the end! But then a bag of sand hits her in the side of the face and she forgets to pull the trigger as she says, "Gast! I'll...ooooh!" Then she dies, I guess? The Nazi story was being told to Jesse Quick by Alan and Jay. It was never reported because the American populace is too weak to hear certain news items. Why when we think about a population as a whole, we attribute all of the worst attributes to them? Cowardly, stupid, irrational. Why don't we think, "I would react fine to that news so I'm assuming everybody else would too." Instead, we simply assume everybody is a bigger and weaker jerk than we are. Weird that I'm as cynical as you can get but I'm somehow not as cynical as the average person? No, no! I'm more cynical! I just use my cynicism for good!

He didn't say that, Jesse. What he might be trying to express though is that coming down hard on criminals when much of the crime is driven by systemic problems resulting in an abundance of poverty for which the government takes no action to mitigate might be a bigger evil than the crime itself. Much of crime is a symptom of a bigger problem that is harder to fix so people ignore it and try to just hide the symptoms by putting them in jail.

Alan just doesn't quite have the words (or the real world experience of the 60s, 70s, and 80s because he was in Valhalla) to express how the constant lowering of taxes on the upper brackets of income have caused the slow destruction of the middle class by allowing CEOs and upper management to keep more of their money instead of reinvesting it into the business because they'd rather improve their business than give away 99% of their income after a certain point to the government. And by allowing them to keep that money, they stopped putting it into the business which meant salaries stagnated, pensions disappeared, and health care was no longer an automatic company benefit. I'm sure that's what he was getting at though. Jay's wife interrupts so we can finally see she exists six issues into the series. Alan's beard, Molly, also arrives. You might be wondering why "Jay's wife" is only "Jay's wife" but you shouldn't ask me that question. Ask the comic book who thinks I'm supposed to remember her name from whenever it was last mentioned, if at all. Maybe Linda? Let's just go with Linda. The Justice Society is on a ship because they're headed to Bahdnesia which doesn't allow plane travel in and out of its country. That's probably because air traffic control would be a nightmare with all the genies flying around. That was a joke but I bet it's the actual reason as well. Oh! It's Joan! Ted mentions it to Al after he gets tangled up in his deck chair while wearing an ice bucket on his head. I think Al might be having some old person cognition problems.

Nothing suspicious about a country run like a well-armed Applebee's.

Doctor Mid-Nite decides to check behind the scenes to see what's going on. The place is run like Disneyland so he enters the employee only backstage section to investigate. He's eventually attacked by some guards (see the cover!) and his story ends mid-fight. Meanwhile, Ted winds up climbing into a boxing ring to stop a fight that he believes is a huge mismatch. He knocks out the big guy even though the big guy doesn't necessarily mean he's the bad guy. Ted is basically interfering in a business transaction or, even worse, a staged event! Which means he climbs in the ring and begins beating up one of the actors. Guards also swarm him and he thinks, "What are these guys doing here?!" As if what he's doing is just fine and dandy. Didn't he hear the announcement about how nobody breaks the rules here? This is why! They get swarmed with violent guards! Justice Society of America #6 Rating: B-. Nothing says "The titular team's best days are behind them!" like a story where the only interesting thing that happens happens in a flashback. The whole cruise and island exploration part of the story was a big snooze. And it only ends in two members battling guards who are only doing their jobs to keep the JSA members from breaking the rules. Poor guards are going to get their asses whooped when they're only doing their job! I'm totally into the whole "I was just following orders" excuse thanks to the unbeatable side-boob argument.