#it gets out at like 9 something lmao.

[pansyfemme]

first day of classes went well 👍‼️ plus i got to see my close friends so it was nice and i am happy

[supercantaloupe]

so maestro told me tonight at the end of rehearsal that he "got an email about me", turns out it was the org that's interviewing me next week for their summer job reaching out to him as a reference. and then when that was figured out maestro proceeded to spend the next, like, twenty minutes standing there writing out a recommendation for me on his phone at 10 pm while i'm Sitting Right There, just trying to get the assignment notes to send to the orchestra,

[camelspit]

how am i expected to have hobbies when there is homework

[horseshoemybeloved]

I’m so fucking sick of trying to find any ways to help cope with my possible chronic fatigue and pain issues and it’s just “ try to do some stretches and take a nap ☺️”

[nordic-language-love]

Can someone please tell me the benefits of giving kids smartphones

[whumpacabra]

help girl (gender neutral) there’s a jansenist monk in my brain being mean to me

[boomerang109]

sorry i know everytime i “get better” i spam tumblr and that’s probably a sign of mental illness more than anything but

guys know when they tell you to go places and you’re like ‘i don’t want to talk to anybody and places are loud’

go find a library with a quiet room

i am lucky cause im a university student but like. i feel like even some public libraries have this?? idk

but like. i’ve often refused to leave my home because ‘ahh people’ but. the quiet room at the library provides silent enrichment. there’s so many books!! and there are other people but you don’t have to talk to each other! and like rn we’re all suffering together! (cause finals season) it’s magical!

[house-in-the-backyard-trees]

mental breakdown in the tags incoming scroll past for your own well being

[ethereiling]

surely fatigue so bad i can barely stand and my heart rate spiking when im just sitting here is fine. surely. 

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[stopfunkinwmyheart]

in the year of our lord 2024 there are big people out there potentially getting fast food workers in hot water to get bonus food

[carolinanadeau]

Embarrassing, ridiculous TMI under the readmore (not gross! just way too personal!)

I do not have PTSD and I don't want to be a part of the "flippantly using the word 'trigger'" problem at all, but I think I finally found a proper name for this harmful behavior I've wrestled with since at least high school, and it's called self-triggering.

Again, I don't have trauma... well, everybody has some trauma, but that's not the thing I'm triggering myself about here. And if I explained what I had actually been doing to myself (which may be obvious to someone who's reading between the lines but I don't want to talk about it for reasons I've stated before), it would sound laughably, mockably trivial. But the results are still an acute increase in depression and obsessive negative/angry thinking and distress and alienation from something that usually gives me joy... so it's still harmful to me, no matter how stupid and frivolous it sounds. Perhaps it's an OCD/depression self-triggering instead of a PTSD self-triggering.

I reiterate, what I'm discussing is not trauma, not EVER claiming it is, but:

In a similar vein, one set of case studies (De Young, 1984) conceptualized approaching situations reminiscent of the trauma as “counterphobic behavior” (i.e., an attempt to master anxiety by repeatedly approaching its source, resulting in a greater sense of control).  

I understand this, the "maybe if I keep looking I'll become desensitized", and "I need more information so I can better avoid this thing and people associated!" Or even "well maybe it wasn't really that bad, maybe I'm remembering it as worse than it was" (I'm not, if anything I've forgotten just how bad it was!)

Likewise, if trauma survivors perceive reexperiencing symptoms as inevitable, they may wish to decide the time and place of their occurrence, affording them a sense of control.

...is that the irrational "gotta get it over with" compulsion??  

Alarmingly, many users also report being unable to stop this behavior once they have begun despite the dysregulation and distress that it causes.

This is how it goes: I will read or even just skim through something that causes me serious emotional distress, whether that is a fanfiction with something horrible happening to characters I find comfort in, or a really nasty article full of harsh, baseless criticisms of something I love so much. (Again, these things sound laughable but to the way my mind works, it is not. Though I also do something similar with actual bad memories from my life [I think everyone does], well, you can't "reread" or refresh those. And I also have the power to delete/destroy any physical records I have of those.)

So, I will vow to never ever let this wretched thing enter my eyeballs again. I will ruminate about it and quietly seethe about the fact that it exists, and that some people even like/agree with it! I won't be able to get certain upsetting phrases out of my head and I will obsess and it will ruin my enjoyment of related things whenever I get reminded of it.

Maybe I will find ways to block or blacklist to lower my chances of seeing it. And I will be very vigilant about this for a long time and will successfully avoid it, even if I see reminders here and there that make me mad. Slowly, I'll only remember a few specific sentences from the thing, and even those may be unclear.

And then I'll suddenly develop the belief that I "have to" look at it again for some reason, and my heart will start pounding as I start bracing myself for this "inevitability".  And eventually the irrational, self-destructive side will win out and I'll do it, believing that it's like ripping a bandaid off for the greater good. Gotta get it over with, you see. I'll only glance over it, of course, because this time I already know how bad it is - I'll just read a few sentences here and there on my way to do something "sensible" like block the url or check who liked it so I know it wasn't my friends - but it will be enough to make me feel like absolute shit for days again, and now I have these fresh memories in my head to contend with and the cycle of trying to forget these bad bad thoughts and be able to freely enjoy the thing I love starts all over again.

and that's what you missed on Glee!

[br1ghtestlight]

I have two entire days to decide if I wanna get an MRI scan of my brain at the hospital like the day after I move houses or if i need to push back the date by a few weeks (??) but it could take even months to reschedule. What do we think u guys

[insertcoolnameherethanks]

Noncomprhensive list of the WORST gifts I have gotten:

Wall art: while a thing i enjoyed, I was with the person when they bought it and it had hung on their wall for a year, they gave it to me because they were moving and no longer wanted it and pretended it was new. Terrible gift because they pretended. Also because they gave thoughtful or handmade stuff for everyone else while I got something they were going to throw away

A movie I liked: the catch is I already owned the movie...and the person who gave it to me watched the movie for the first time at my place and watched me open the packaging...

Funko Pop i already owned and had displayed that had been commented on (I can give a lil grace cause maybe they thought I owned a different one of the same character)

A bar of soap that was a gag gift that said grammar police on it

A thing from a Fandom I was not in: the person said "if you don't like it, I'll take it and keep it". Person was in this Fandom.

[samiferboy]

i just can't fuckin get anything done rn. idk what it is, I've barely been able to write anything for a week. gonna have to experiment with ways to get my mojo back bc this sucks, I just want to finish ch 7 and then make more edits

[dan-crimes]

Honestly I wonder what a good formula is for making a fandom so PASSIONATELY hate a character cuz people HATE morally grey characters more than villains a lotta the time BUT very SPECIFIC morally grey characters that aren't all chalked up to being Secret Heart of Gold type deal