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amydancepants-peralta · 4 years ago

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The 5 times Jake & Amy tried to get some ‘alone time’ during the holidays (and the 1 time they’re successful)

Here is my entry into the @b99fandomevents Summer 2020 Challenge, for @peraltasames 💗 also available on ao3, as it is a little long ☺️

(For those of you playing at home, only part 2 is NSFW 🙊)

Part 1:

(where it all begins)

Attempt number 1: The Santiago Family Holiday House

“Thought I might find you here.”

Lifting her head up from its resting place in the crook of her arm, Amy doesn’t even try to suppress the smile that began to creep onto her face the moment she’d picked up on Jake’s voice.

She cocks her head to the side as he falters mid-step, an obvious blush creeping onto his cheeks as he lifts his hands, raising two bottles in mock surrender. “I mean, obviously I didn’t know that you’d be out here … I’ve never been here before and that’s giving off some real Creepy New Boyfriend vibes. You know what, I’m just going to reset and start again.” Digging one sneakered heel into the landing, he does a quick full body turn before Amy can give any type of reassurance; blinking quickly when their eyes meet again to indicate a Full Reset. “Hey, Ames! Your brother mentioned that you might be out here, so I thought I’d do something completely non-stalkery and bring you a drink.”

Chuckling, Amy reaches out for one of the offered bottles, riding that still new high that comes from hearing Jake Peralta refer to himself as her boyfriend. “Thanks, babe.”

It’s Jake’s turn to grin right back, clearly enjoying her use of their favourite new term for each other; a colloquial word that still seemed kinda new - given it’s only been four months since they got together - yet somehow fits so well it’s almost a little strange to remember a time when they couldn’t refer to each other as such. There’s a shared giddiness that floats between them as they clink bottles and take a sip, and her cheeks kinda hurt from smiling this much, but Amy really doesn’t care.

Gesturing at the expanse of the relatively simple deck, Jake takes in the wooden panelling of the exterior walls before turning his attention back to his girlfriend. “So … this is your little secret hideout, I hear?”

Nodding, Amy returns to her earlier position leaning against the high railing in front of her, letting out a soft yeah as her free hand runs along the timber paling.

Built by her grandfather as a home away from the city several decades ago, the Santiago Lake House has long been considered a place of refuge for the family. With six of her brothers, two uncles and her father Victor on the force, common holidays were rarely guaranteed off; and so this year they had elected a non-particular weekend in June as their opportunity for all to come together. Save for a last-minute issue at Victor’s precinct pulling him away from the festivities, all eight Santiago siblings (and their mother Camila) had arrived earlier today for a well overdue holiday.

While the majority of her family often preferred to gather around the oversized back deck, from a young age Amy had gravitated towards the more intimate side balcony that overlooked the water. Stretching out from the family room situated on the second floor, the surrounding tree tops lent a sense of privacy the back deck couldn’t completely offer; and on the evenings when things began to feel a little too loud, Amy would often come up here to decompress, watching the night slip by as the moon silvered the lake before her.

Taking a sip of his beer, Jake moves to stand next to Amy, resting his weight against the banister as he drinks in the view. “I really like it.” A small army of goosebumps appear on Amy’s skin, despite the dusk’s only slightly fading heat, as his arm brushes against her skin. “Perfectly compact, with a great view.” She can sense him grin, shoulder nudging against hers. “Feels like you.”

Amy feels her cheeks heat up as a blush washes over her, grateful that the relative darkness of the almost night sky would be able to hide her reaction. Jake was the very first boyfriend she’d ever brought to the lake house - a fact that Manny had announced very loudly in the middle of the private tour she had been giving earlier - and the look of elation and pride that had taken over Jake’s features at the discovery has remained fresh in her mind for the past few hours.

(It had never been an overly deliberate action, to keep previous boyfriends away from the lake house, but the thought of Jake joining in, within a minute of the date being set, had been so automatic that Amy is only now realising that the concept of being here without him had seemed completely illogical.)

A melody played from Luis’ acoustic guitar is carried up to the two of them by a sudden breeze, cutting through the tops of the surrounding pine, and Amy lets out a small shiver: forever and always susceptible to the cold, regardless of the lingering summer heat. Without missing a beat; Jake moves to stand behind her - covering her back with his front with the instinct of not only a gentleman, but a man who is very quickly taking complete hold of her heart.

His arms come to rest besides hers along the edge of the bannister, and quietly Amy hopes that he cannot feel the rapid pounding of her heart through her jacket. It felt a little ridiculous to act this way, like some kind of lovesick teenager drawing hearts all over her notebook, but dating Jake for the past four months doesn’t seem to have taken the edge off the way his presence made her feel.

“So …. Tell me about David.”

As hard as she tries to avoid it, Amy feels her shoulders tense up - the urge to let out an exaggerated UGH almost too strong to resist. She’d only touched on David’s presence briefly on the drive up to the lake house, and despite her own personal reservations, she supposed it was sort of fair that Jake might have a few questions. Letting out a calming breath, Amy gives herself a quick reminder to keep her responding tone light. “What would you like to know?”

“Uhh … well, look - the way his photo is displayed on that mantel in the formal lounge, and the clear adoration in your mother’s voice whenever his name came up made me wonder if he was on some super secret mission to Mars or something.” Shaking his head, Jake knocks the lip of the beer bottle against his forehead. “I honestly spent the first twenty minutes of polite chatter frantically rewinding all of our conversations over the last few years in my head, trying to remember you ever bringing up something like that. Thank god he walked in when he did, or I’m sure I would’ve ended up saying something really stupid.”

Knowing that Jake can’t necessarily see her (okay, perhaps childish) reaction, Amy rolls her eyes at the mention of Camila’s unfiltered reverence when it comes to David. “Yeah, he’s basically the ‘Do No Wrong’ guy … The Golden Child, as Julian and I like to call him. It’s kinda always been like that, ever since he came home from first grade with a report card filled with gold star stickers and praise from literally every teacher he’d ever been in contact with.”

Swallowing his last swig of beer, Jake scoffs into the night sky. “Gold stars are cool, I guess. But any fool knows that the scratch-n-sniff stickers are where it’s really at.”

“Obviously. Strawberry, the clear winner.”

His free hand landing on her forearm, Jake squeezes gently. “I’d always been partial to grape, but strawberry just reminds me of that chapstick you use before bed now, and I am a big fan of those strawberry kisses to start my morning.”

Craning her head to the side slightly, Amy flashes Jake a grin before meeting him halfway for a soft kiss. She, too, had become a big fan of morning kisses … and afternoon kisses, night kisses … basically any time she got to feel the pressure of Jake’s lips against her own was a winner in her book - and she knows she’s being a little ridiculous but she also really, really likes him. Remembering their previous conversation as she pulls away, Amy shakes her head slightly before looking out onto the lake again.

“It’s worse at home, if I’m being honest - it’s basically the same shrine on the mantel, only at home we have a piano in the living room as well. So … how well you’re doing at school or work or whatever, determines your position either on the piano or the wall of shame above the staircase.”

“I mean … I’m sure it’s not meant to feel like a wall of shame, babe.”

Amy nods, letting out a quick I want to believe you laugh. “Tell that to Tony. One semester, he wasn’t focusing as much as normal, and his grade dropped by a whole level. Two days after he came home with the results, Mama conveniently decided to do a redesign of the living room - one that just so happened to include the shuffling of Tony’s school portrait from next to mine on the piano, to sitting at the bottom of the staircase.”

Taking a long sip of Cristal, Amy pauses to take stock of the conversation. It felt slightly traitorous to be talking to Jake about the hierarchy that - prior to this evening - she’d only ever discussed with her brothers (minus one). There’s never been a question over whether their mother loved them dearly - an abundance of love was palpable between the walls of both their family home and the holiday house - but it was also impossible to deny that the shadow of David’s successes, paired with Camila’s obvious praise, had loomed over Amy’s shoulders during her many late night study sessions.

This wasn’t the first time talking to Jake had led to Amy admitting more than she would to most - he had that (at times, irritating) ability to sneak past her guard long before they’d been anything more than colleagues. But one of her most favourite details of their new relationship, aside from the why-did-we-wait-so-long-for-this sex, was the amount of nights they would stay up just … talking. They’d learnt more about each other in the past four months than the last two years combined, and still she craves more. Shaking her now empty bottle, Amy stoops to place it on the ground beside her before straightening, sighing in contentment as Jake’s shoulders rest against hers once again.

“Eventually, Tony’s photo found its way back to the piano .. but the message was pretty clear.” Letting out a rueful laugh, she shakes her head slightly. “It’s no secret that I love a bit of friendly competition. But … it’d be kinda nice if the rungs of the ladder weren’t always so far away from each other.”

At the feeling of Jake’s lips pressing into her hair Amy lets out one last sigh, surprising herself with just how lighter her shoulders seem to feel. A silence stretches between them as Jake drains the last of his beer, and just when she’s about to change the subject completely, he speaks.

“So. There’s a little known fact about me, that you should probably be made aware of now that we’re all smooshing booties offical stylez and whatever.”

Her lips curl up at the term. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yup. Obviously you’re already aware of my titles as Greatest Detective Ever, Badass MC, Amazing Lover, Fierce Defender of Good from Evil ..”

“Oh god, is this list ever going to end?”

“… Master dunker at B-ball, unofficially official taste tester of any and all sour candies … but! What you might not know is that I am also a crazy good Hype Man. Like .. the best. All the others can just go home coz I kick the most butt at hyping things up and that’s just the facts.”

Turning her head slightly towards Jake, Amy glances up at her boyfriend from the corner of her eyes. “I feel like there was a point you were making, here?”

Depositing his empty bottle along the far edge of the banister, Jake’s hands return to weave their fingers through both of Amy’s, staying close as she watches him take a heavy swallow. Sensing that something important was about to be said, and that Jake may not be at the Locked Eyes Grand Gesture stage just yet, she trains her gaze towards the lake and waits.

“What I’m saying, Ames, is that I am officially signing up to be your hype man. I will literally have zero hesitation in pointing out your awesomeness to anybody that doesn’t immediately see it, and I just ..” Pausing for a moment, he shuffles closer to her back, squeezing their gripped fingers tightly, and she takes no hesitation in squeezing right back. “You need to know that … no matter what happens. I’m always going to be there, cheering you on.”

The unspoken definition of the no matter what happens hangs between them, the mere mention of anything but the two of them staying together sounding both unwelcome and impossible, and Amy nods against his chest.

“I just …. They could rewire the stars with your accolades, Ames. The fact that it goes over anybody’s head baffles me, let alone somewhere like here.”

She nods again, temporarily unable to speak as unexpected tears begin to threaten their escape. There were an abundance of reports and awards that spoke of her achievements, and logically she knew that any task that she set her mind to could be mastered with relative ease.

But to know that Jake not only noticed her triumphs, but wanted to actually (and, perhaps literally) shout them from the rooftops, meant more to Amy than she could have anticipated.

He presses another kiss to her hair, and she holds onto him tightly. There’s so much familiarity surrounding her right now - from the scratch of the logwood bannisters; the filtered laughter of her brothers and their extended families, to the slightly acrid smell of burnt marshmallows as Luis once again fails to make a decent s’more.

Jake’s cologne with it’s spicy notes, and the overall sense of warmth he exudes, should feel foreign amongst it all … but standing here on the balcony with his arms stretched out comfortably on top of her own, Amy cannot deny that it feels less like an intrusion, and more like the final piece of life’s puzzle locking into place.

Her voice cuts through the night, tone soft as she rests her head briefly against Jake’s shoulder. “I’m really glad you’re here, Jake.”

The bridge of Jake’s nose brushes her temple as he dips his head lower, pressing a kiss against her cheekbone, and her heart skips at the simple intimacy of it all. “Me too, Ames.”

His fingers, still interlaced with hers, tighten as he pulls their arms closer to her middle; holding the two of them in a tight embrace as his continues a trail of kisses, letting out a quiet sigh as he follows her jawline. It’s as his teeth begin to graze the outside edge of her earlobe - a guaranteed winning choice - that he begins to whisper, the warmth of his breath sending shivers down her spine. “So if I’m officially the first boyfriend you’ve brought here … does that mean there’s a bed somewhere that needs breaking in?”

Grinning, Amy turns in his embrace, releasing her grip on his hands so that she can throw her arms around her boyfriend’s neck and nod. He gives her a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows, absorbing her laughter with a slightly longer kiss as his arms wrap around her lower body, and it only takes a moment when he pulls away and looks down at her - but in a moment, she knows.

It’s a combination of things - a curated list of all of her favourite details about him coming together on a hazy June evening: the softness of his touch every time he was near; the warmth of his breath when it ghosted over her skin, the way he made her feel like she was the only person in the world that he could ever want to kiss. She knows that it’s still technically early days, but as his fingers tip gently underneath her chin and draw her closer for the kind of kiss one doesn’t forget easily, Amy knows for sure that she is most definitely falling in love with Jake Peralta.

It’s the kind of thought - the kind of kiss - that distracts even the most focused of people, and for that reason alone Amy doesn’t hear the heavy thud of Manny’s boots bounding up the staircase until it’s accompanied by his loud Busted! tone.

“Okay amantes - time to come and at least pretend to be sociable with the family, yah?”

Amy’s lips pull away from Jake’s with a smack, swivelling her head towards her brother as she fixes him with a glare. “We’re here for an entire weekend, Manny. Plenty of time for family stuff.”

That frustratingly mischievous glint appears in her brother’s eyes - a sure sign of danger ahead - and Amy pulls away slightly from Jake. “Ah-huh. No biggie, Ma’s just been asking about your new boyfriend Jake, and is wondering where you’d gotten to … I’ll just tell her you’re both up here exploring the backs of each other’s throats, if that’s cool?”

Grabbing her wrist quickly, Jake yelps out a quick “Nope!”, gently pulling Amy towards the staircase. “We were actually just talking about how we should go down and join the crowd, weren’t we Ames?”

Manny makes little to no effort to conceal his laughter as Amy’s response is a continuation of her glare, and he half-turns towards Jake as all three begin their descent towards the back deck. “FYI, my bedroom is right next to yours, and I sleep real light … wouldn’t want to have to tell Mama about the things that go bump in the night, hey hermana?”

“You’ll get yours, manito.” Amy mumbles, linking hands with Jake as they move further away from their private oasis.

There was a very good chance that this was Manny’s version of revenge (she may or may not have stumbled on her brother & his boyfriend last year, something she still swears to have been an accident) but now she’s both turned on and frustrated; knowing that as long as Manny has anything to do with it, there will be No Sex for her and Jake at the lake house.

Truly, she couldn’t think of a worse way to begin a holiday.

(… is that a red light blinking?)

Attempt number 2: Santa Barbara

Jake’s eyebrows lift in surprise as the strength of Amy’s shove forces him into the couch cushions below, body barely settling against the base before she begins scrambling onto his lap.

Responding to his shock with a satisfied grin, Amy rests her hands on either side of his face to pull him in for a kiss, catching his soft moans and joining them with her own as it deepens.

It isn’t until she’s begun to graze her teeth against the base of his neck that she catches her breath, whispering as her body begins to grind down against his - “I’m totally blaming you for this, by the way.”

“I’m not sure what I’m taking the blame for, but as long as you keep kissing me like that I’m pretty much going to admit to anything.”

She laughs, sinking her teeth gently into his shoulder and leaving a kiss in their wake. “You and your hands, stroking up and down my back all night while I was trying to be the attentive and supportive sister. It was driving me crazy, you don’t know how close I came to dragging you into the coat closet.”

The two of them had flown to Santa Barbara for a long weekend to show their support for Amy’s closest (aka: secretly favourite) brother, Miguel. As the only Santiago child not to join the NYPD, Miguel had instead chosen to become a specialist in the medical field, relocating to follow a promotion in California. This evening he was receiving an award from his peers at a gala uptown, and both Jake and Amy had jumped at the chance to attend - if for no other reason than a chance to get away, after months of double shifts and leads that had taken them absolutely nowhere.

Amy had chosen a new dress for the occasion - black material that shimmered in just the right way, with a low-scoop back to avoid the unbearable summer heat. Paired with her signature studs and heels high enough to do some serious damage if provoked, she’d felt like a million dollars walking into the gala on Jake’s arm - and had smiled ever so proudly as Miguel received his award.

The rest of the night, however, has become a vague memory … because all she can remember feeling - all she can remember even thinking about - was the way Jake’s fingers felt as they feathered against her exposed skin. With his arm draped over her chair he’d been given the perfect amount of leeway throughout the ceremony, and the non-sensical patterns of unconscious action on her boyfriend’s end had sent a parade of tingles all over her body with every lap.

Safe to say, once all the awards have been presented and they’d had the chance to congratulate Miguel once again, Amy had slammed down her fourth drink and found a convenient reason for her and Jake to leave. Immediately.

“To be fair Ames, you do look amazing tonight,” Jake mumbled in-between kisses, running his hand over the expanse of her back to demonstrate his appreciation. “Honestly, I’m blaming the dress for making my already hot girlfriend Super Mega Hot.”

She rewards his sweet declaration with a heated kiss, hands making quick work of his tie - loosening the knot with practised ease (she does, after all, fasten and loosen his work tie most days) and casting the fabric aside as she begins to tackle his buttons.

A beachside mansion, owned by a friend of Roger’s, had been offered to be their accommodation for the weekend - an olive branch of sorts towards Jake that he’d begrudgingly accepted (the notion of his parents dating each other, something he was slowly coming to terms with). Their delayed flight this afternoon had meant that Jake and Amy barely had time to dump their bags before getting changed and leaving again, but the floor-to-ceiling windows and expansive layout she’d picked up on their way out the door already suggested a very comfortable few days ahead.

It is, in fact, only as Jake drops a quick kiss to her lips, suggesting they move things into the bedroom, that Amy stands and actually takes stock of her surroundings (a combination of four drinks and an irresistible partner can clearly only lead to a distracted mind).

Tugging onto her boyfriend’s hand as he continues leading her towards the hallway, Amy lets out a quiet wait a minute - and it’s just enough to pique Jake’s interest, turning to see what it is that’s caught Amy’s attention.

“Ames?”

Raising her finger in a curious point, Amy surveys the room. “Cameras.” At Jake’s silence, she points them out as she slowly circumnavigates the room. “One, two .. I count four altogether. Four cameras, three of them video. Trained to face the furniture, and not the beach.”

Hands on hips, Jake moves further into the centre of the room, frowning. “Yeah, that is a little weird.”

Her eyebrows knit together as she walks towards the bookshelf next to the tv unit, inspecting a container that managed to catch her eye. “Jake, there are like five different handcuffs in here. All of them furry.” Turning her head, she begins to read a few of the labels attached on a row of VHS tapes. Genna and Nicolai … Matt and Lennon … “Cockpit Larry and the Mile High Stewardi?” Swivelling quickly, Amy turns to gasp at Jake. “Babe … what sort of place has your father organised for us?”

Running his hand along the back of his neck, Jake shakes his head quickly. “Let’s not panic just yet, Ames. This could all just be a series of coincidences that when put together seem really weird, but actually aren’t. It .. looks like a normal house - except for all the cameras that seem to be directed towards the couch we were definitely just making out on, maybe a few sex tapes and what, in hindsight, might definitely be release papers waiting for us on the kitchen bench.”

“There’s what, where?”

“In fact, I bet if I lift the lid off of this bowl thing, we’ll find some delicious candy or potpourri or something … and it’s lube. Many, many bottles of lube. Hey, we’ve got the same flavour!”

Amy’s eyes widen, her face paling significantly as she feels her stomach drop to her feet. “Oh god, this is a sex dungeon isn’t it?”

“If not, it’s the background of at least a few porn videos.” Gripping the base of his hair in frustration, Jake lifts his head to curse at the ceiling. “I should’ve known Roger wouldn’t know anybody with a normal house!”

Sensing the panic build up inside of her, Amy scours the room for her purse and heels, both of which had been discarded near the entryway mid-makeout. The arousal that had been coursing through her mere minutes ago has all but disappeared, replaced by the overwhelming urge to take a shower. She was all for porn, just as long as she wasn’t the star of it (one simply doesn’t find NYPD’s youngest female captain on RedTube) - and this house was the kind of place that, under a black light, would resemble a Jackson Pollock. “Jake, we need to leave. We almost had sex in here!”

“Almost being the keyword, Ames. Unless … ”

“Jake!”

“Coming, my love! Title of the sex tape that we definitely didn’t make here!”

(i’m sensing a pattern here …)

Attempt Number 3: The Beach House

“Jake! Jake’s girlfriend! I just pulled Charles’s ear away from your bedroom door, thought you might wanna know!”

Startled, Jake lifts his head up so quickly it hurts his neck a little, both confused and irritated that his earlier activity of planting a series of kisses along Amy’s bare torso has been so rudely interrupted. “Wait, was that …?”

Raising her head off of the pillow, Amy meets his startled gaze with her own. “Did she just - ”

Their suspicions (and, in all honesty - their worst fears) were confirmed a mere second later as another voice booms through their (thankfully, locked) bedroom door.

“I’ve had a very stressful week, Gina! What better way to lull myself into a restful sleep than by listening to the sweet lovemaking of America’s Dream Couple?”

“Oh my god, BOYLE!”

Jake’s knees slide against the sheets as he sits up, lending a hand to Amy as she follows suit. He lets out a defeated sigh as she pushes the hem of her shirt downwards again, leaning forward to grip his arm as he calls through the door - “Boundaries, Charles! … Thank you, Gina!”

“It’s a virtual feast for the ears, you guys! Very soothing, to bear audio witness to the actualisation of love beyond a doorway. It’s only weird if we make it weird.”

“It’s weird and creepy and not okay, Boyle!” Squeezing his eyes shut, Jake cringes at the sheer notion of it. Using his best nope voice, he continues. “Good night!”

From their position on the bed, Jake and Amy hear the faint sound of Gina muttering come on, you weirdo; and they wait in careful silence, sharing flustered looks.

The entire squad had all met up at Boyle’s ex-wife’s beach house this weekend, eager to continue the yearly tradition now that Holt and Jake had finally returned from Florida a month prior. After a day of fun and frivolity (the two of them perhaps being a little unsubtle as they openly checked each other out in their swimwear); the happily reunited couple had snuck away as the evening’s drinks began to die down for a little … alone time.

It had been Jake’s version of paradise, with Amy’s skin still feeling warm and sun kissed as his hands roamed her gorgeous body, and with a schedule of Absolutely Nothing planned for the following day, he intended to keep things going well into the early hours.

That is, of course, until Charles (and Gina, but … mainly Charles) had put a total stop to it.

Amy’s hand squeezes Jake’s bicep, casting a wary glance towards the door before softly speaking. “Wow, that was close.”

“Yeah. I never thought I would say this in relation to sex, but … thank god for Gina.”

“I don’t even want to imagine the alternative.”

Shaking his head, Jake swears under his breath. “You know what this is, right?”

“Charles forgetting basic social normalities, and grossly overstepping the line?”

“No. I mean, yes - that, too. But I think the main culprit here is the curse.”

“The curse?”

“The No Nookie Curse. Tell me you’ve noticed it Ames, it can’t just be me.”

Cocking her head to the side, Amy tests out the term. “The No Nookie Curse?”

Scooting closer to his girlfriend, Jake rests his palms against Amy’s thighs with the practiced comfort of someone who knows her body better than his own. “Every single time we tried to initiate sexy times when we’re on holiday, something happens to interrupt us. I’m telling you, we’re cursed.” He grimaces, rolling his eyes. “Which is probably because I didn’t forward that email on to seven of my closest friends back in 2013, but I was busy that day and - ”

“Jake. There’s no way we’re cursed. We had sex on our last holiday … didn’t we?”

“Do you mean that weekend at Dave’s cool beachfront mansion, that was also definitely used for porn films?”

“Oh right, the sex den. Okay, but that’s a one-off. We’ve been on plenty of holidays prior to that.”

“Like the lake house, where we were both so paranoid that Mama Santiago would find out what we were doing that we barely moved each evening?”

“Yeah, when you add it up like that it really doesn’t sound great.”

“I mean … there was lots of sex on the cruise once Doug Judy disappeared. Good sex, too - not that we ever have bad sex. But that was really good, life-affirming, post-declarations-of-love sex, that I’m completely certain we were able to have because we were in international waters, and therefore outside the curses’s jurisdiction.”

Covering Jake’s hands with her own, Amy squeezes gently at the mention of their cruise holiday and leans in for a chaste kiss. “I’m pretty sure curse’s don’t have jurisdictions, babe.”

“How can you be so sure, Ames? All I know is, whenever we’re on holiday and we try to get the good kind of naked, something always comes along and stops us. And it really is a travesty, because you always get this crazy sexy vacation glow about you that just makes me want to cover your body in kisses, and yet somehow it just never seems to happen.”

“Wow, you’ve really thought a lot about this, huh?”

“Lets just say it’s been eating away at me for a while now.”

A lewd joke dies on Amy’s lips as she looks over at her boyfriend, taking in the obvious frustration in his face and realising how seriously he was taking the issue. “Babe, I promise. There is no such thing as a curse.” Planting her hand on the other side of the bed, she lifts herself up, straddling his lap as he moves quickly to tent his legs behind her. “And I am going to prove it to you - right here, right now.”

His hands land on Amy’s waist, holding her steady as she scrapes the edge of her teeth against his curve of his neck, carding her fingers through his shorter hair while her body slowly gyrates on his lap. “God I love you, Ames.”

“Mmm.” Amy takes in a deep breath, relishing the scent of the man she’d missed for so long, sighing when his hands reach down to squeeze her butt. “I love you too, Jake.”

The curse, the previous interruption … pretty much any kind of detail other than his name was disappearing from Jake’s mind with every press of Amy's warm lips against his skin, and he lets out a soft moan, gripping her body tighter as his hands begin to wander to her front.

THUD.

“OW! Rosa!”

“What the hell, Boyle! I know Gina just pulled you away from here!”

Their kissing coming to an abrupt stop, Amy groans, tucking her head into the juncture of Jake’s neck and shoulder. “Oh my god, again?!”

Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, Jake falls back onto the mattress, taking Amy with him and curling both arms around her protectively. They listen as Charles and Rosa squabble in the hallway outside, choosing not to acknowledge the horror of it all this time around. With a defeated grumble, Amy reaches for the comforter, covering them both up before returning to her safe place (i.e., Jake’s shoulder).

“What was that you were saying, about curses not existing?”

(okay, now the universe is just messing with us)

Attempt Number 4: Team Building in Deer River

It’s Jake’s absent-minded humming of his current favourite song that puts a tranquil smile on Amy’s face on their return to the campsite, keeping her grip around his waist tight as the leaves crunch loudly beneath their feet.

Together with the squad, they had spent the day attending a team building event in Deer River - a state forest just far enough from the city that camping overnight had been the safest option.

After a full day of trust falls, puzzle solving and a group scavenger hunt, the couple had strategically erected their tent further away from the rest of their team, hoping to afford a little bit of privacy (and perhaps, a safe enough distance from Charles). Following Jake’s exoneration, and the brand new addition of a shiny ring on Amy’s finger, a night away underneath the stars was exactly what they needed; and once everything was set up the two of them had wandered off into the woods for some time to themselves.

(Aka: totally disappearing into the surrounding trees and starting a makeout session that lasted longer than either had anticipated.)

(So much so, that the sun had almost completely set by the time they pulled away from each other, hastily returning each of their clothing to a suitable state before heading back.)

Intent on proving that the No Nookie Curse was only an amalgamation of Jake’s paranoid thoughts, Amy was determined to get back to the campsite and settle themselves into bed before anyone or anything could interrupt them. Her plan involved waiting out the rest of the squad’s bedtime routines, before demonstrating to the love of her life that vacation sex was not only a) possible, it was also b) definitely happening.

Whistling the last few bars of his song, Jake tightens his arm around Amy’s shoulder as a strong wind runs through the surrounding greenery - the fifth gust since they started walking back, all of them gaining in strength - already regretting not grabbing her scarf from their luggage earlier.

“Just throwing it out there, babe? Still on Team Outdoor Sex. Sex in the woods sounds hella cool. Daytime sex, though. Now that the sun has clocked out, and the wind has clocked in, it’s actually kinda really cold.”

“Daytime outdoor sex does sound cool, if you disregard the bugs that will crawl all over you, the ticks that will suck on your blood and potentially give you Lyme disease … the bears that could come along at any second and attack us …”

“Really ramping up on the sexy talk there, Ames.”

Rolling her eyes, Amy squeezes Jake’s hand, linking their fingers together. “All of these are things that would interrupt us, and while I’m still not saying that curses exist, I do think we should try to avoid any temptation for things to go wrong.”

“You’ve put a binder together about this, haven’t you?”

“Not a binder per se, but I’ve definitely done a decent amount of research.” Stopping just shy of the clearing, Amy turns to face her fiancé, wrapping her arms around his waist. “After all, this is the first time we’ve been able to get away since getting engaged. A night away is just what we need, and I’m not letting a thing stop us from taking full advantage of this opportunity.”

Pushing herself up onto her tippy-toes, Amy pecks a quick kiss onto Jake’s lips, satisfyingly noticing their still swollen state from earlier activities. “Besides, if the wind stays like this, I’m going to need something to help keep me warm, Peralta.”

“I’m sure I could think of something,” he mumbles in reply, leaning in for another chaste kiss and groaning when Amy pulls away, grabbing his hand and leading him back towards the camping ground.

Quickly reverting back to their previous positioning - hand over shoulder, arm wrapped around waist - Amy is giggling at something that Jake has just whispered in her ear when Holt comes into sight, raising her free hand in a silent wave as they near him.

“Peralta. Santiago. I’m thankful to have ended up on the same path as the two of you, as it was exactly your presence that I was seeking.”

Pushing a stray lock of hair out of her eye line, Amy nods. “Jake and I went for a walk and must have lost track of the time, sir.” From beside her, Jake subtly nudges his hip into her own, and she resists the urge to elbow him in the ribs. “What did you need us for? Do you need a hand with your tent?”

Wincing, Holt shakes his head slowly. “Ahh, no. Unfortunately, it would appear that your tent was not as securely fastened to the camping ground as previously suggested.”

Amy feels Jake’s hand slide down her back as it falls away - much like their hopes for the rest of the evening would soon do - and she looks over at her superior, confused. “Captain?”

Turning, Holt points through the clearing towards the river, where in the fading light Amy and Jake can faintly make out the tip of their tent as it floats further away from solid ground.

Oh.

“The trouble with openings such as this, is that the prevailing weather meets very little resistance - and so as the wind has grown stronger we have all had to readjust our footings in regards to our own domiciles. Regrettably, such distractions meant that the rapidly loosening fixtures on your tent went unnoticed by the squad. Your lodging managed to catch the wind and set itself adrift on the water before anybody had a chance to attempt recovery.”

Running a hand down his face, Jake lets out a frustrated groan. “Looks like we’re roughing it in the dirt tonight, babe.”

“Weren’t our sleeping bags in the tent as well?” Amy responds, her face falling as Jake nods slowly.

Holt raises his hand, clearly intending to stop the couple from spiralling into total hopelessness. “Fortunately, Kevin and I recently purchased a two room tent that has the ability to sleep ten people, which provides plenty of room for the two of us and Cheddar. Provided you have an adequate amount of your allergy medication with you, Santiago, we can relocate him to our side of the canvas and offer you shelter for the evening. Perhaps in the morning, we will be able to organise a retrieval of your now absent tent.”

Resting his hand on the small of Amy’s back, Jake nods once again. “There’s a spare packet in our bags, which thankfully are still in the common area.”

“Very well. Follow me, then. Kevin has already begun making provisions for your stay, and I’m sure your earlier activities have left you eager for rest.”

Thankful, but also more than a little bit crushed that their plans had fallen apart so swiftly, Jake and Amy follow their captain through the campsite with fallen shoulders.

Jake waits until Holt has passed through the mesh lining into their other ‘room’ before muttering low enough for only Amy’s ears to pick up - “The No Nookie Curse strikes again.”

And truthfully, Amy cannot come up with a single rebuttal - choosing instead to cup her fiancé’s face, and offer a soft kiss in commiseration. Perhaps curses were real, after all.

(seriously, how do those guys do it?)

Attempt Number 5: Romance on the beach

“I’m telling you, Ames. There has to be a secret propellor or something under there. There just has to be. I literally cannot think of any other way.”

Her shoulders shaking from all the laughter, Amy reaches out to rest her arms on either side of her husband’s neck and breaks her chuckle for a kiss. “I know, babe. You’re totally right.”

“I just … how else do they do it?”

Shaking her head, Amy breaks out into another round of laughter, keeping her grip tight so that Jake knows it isn’t directed at him (but rather, the situation at hand).

The Hamptons was their address for the next three days, the location of choice for Tony and his partner Luella’s upcoming wedding. In true Peraltiago Vacation style, emergency renovations to the widespread home that all Santiago siblings were staying in had meant that they were short one room, and Jake and Amy had been the lucky couple to be allocated the sofa bed in the living room as their place of rest.

(A fact that, once broken to them, had led to Jake coughing the word Cursed! under his breath, and in all honesty - this time Amy knew he was absolutely right.)

Fresh from their honeymoon (which, once their captain had left them in peace, had involved a lot of sex … amazingly mind-blowing, sometimes costumed sex - which only served to prove that the international waters clause of the curse still held strong), both of them had entered holiday mode with a renewed vigour to finally set things straight.

Having a sunken living room, with a wraparound balcony looking down at them from above for a bedroom, led to Jake thinking creatively - pulling Amy towards the beach on the first evening, lifting her into his arms and running both of them straight into the ocean.

It was the stuff of fantasies: floating in the water with the one you heart adored, holding onto each other tightly as you make love, the waves lapping around you and the world disappearing for just a little while. The kind of scene that every person has seen in a movie, or read in a book, and one that the newlyweds had actually intended to try on their honeymoon before realising that the beaches surrounding their hotel were rarely secluded enough for such activities.

The reality, however, was vastly different - with the two quickly realising that the art of treading water, while clinging to each other and trying desperately not to drown, did not a sexy tryst make.

It was mid-kiss that Jake finally broke away, sputtering out “Are the guys in all the movies secretly dolphins or something?”, all the while pushing frantic strokes through the water in an effort to stay afloat; causing Amy to burst into laughter - tears streaking down your face, ribs sore from all the shaking kind of laughter - clinging to her husband like a koala as he slowly walked them back towards the shore.

Joining Amy in her mirth, Jake leads her over to the towels that he’d dumped on the sand earlier, spreading them out haphazardly and pulling his wife down to meet him. “Okay, so now we know. Sex in the water = not as easy as it looks.”

Thankful to have chosen a dress for their intended walk on the beach, Amy lifts the wet fabric from her thigh, squeezing out a small fountain of water as she gives Jake a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, babe. It was definitely worth a shot - and bonus points for spontaneity. Very hot.”

Jake’s hand comes to rest on her bared thigh, stroking her skin gently before leaning in for a kiss. “It’s easy to find reasons for spontaneous sex, when you have a wife as hot as I do.”

“Mmm,” Amy moans into his mouth, abandoning the skirt and letting it fall back down with a splat. The sand beneath the towel shifts as she digs her knees in; scrambling closer to Jake to deepen the kiss, knowing all too well that her horniness level was still sitting low on simmer.

She breaks the kiss to nibble on Jake’s earlobe as his hand slides further up the dress, fingertips sliding over her butt, and Amy climbs onto his lap, lifting her hips slightly in silent invitation. Her underwear slides down a moment later, lifting her knees and then her ankles until they’re being tucked into Jake’s pocket, and she takes advantage of the freedom by grinding down on his growing erection.

Despite the cool sea water still dripping down her skin, Jake’s hands feel warm as he moves to caress her once more, palm digging into her derriere as he pulls her in for a heavy kiss, and suddenly Amy thinks she’s beginning to understand all the reasons why ‘sex on the beach’ is such a popular term.

Jake’s fingers caress her folds shortly after, dipping one finger in before following with another, and it's everything Amy has been craving for, her husband’s lips leaving a trail of kisses along her jawline while she writhes on his lap.

It’s only as his hand pulls away, and her hips continue to sway closer to Jake’s body, that a whole other sensation begins to form. Yanking her mouth away from the hickey she’d been creating on Jake’s neck, Amy presses a hand to his chest and whispers - “Jake! The sand.”

“Mmm, yeah. All soft and warm, it’s kinda hot.”

Shaking her head, Amy rears back further, only to let out a sharp cry. “No, Jake! I think the sand has gotten into … places.”

He blinks, shaking himself out of his makeout stupor. “Wait. Ames, are you okay?”

“My vagina is on fire, babe.”

Scrambling upwards, Jake reaches out to help Amy stand, wincing at her obvious discomfort. “Do you want to go back into the water?”

Amy shakes her head quickly. “I need a shower, pronto. Oh god, I can feel all the little grains scraping.”

“Oh no, it would have been on my hands, and then I … I’m so sorry, Ames.” Turning, Jake presents his back to her, bending lower. “Here, jump up and I’ll carry you back to the house and straight into the shower. I’m so sorry, babe."

His hands dig into her lower thigh as Amy rests her upper body against her husband’s back, pressing her forehead into his shoulder blade and letting out a groan. “Okay universe, we get it! The No Nookie curse is real!”

“It’s real and it sucks!” Jake’s voice comes out in a huff as he rushes through the sand, grateful that they hadn’t strayed too far from the house.

“Ugh, why have people named a drink after this?!”

Part 2:

(and the 1 time they’re successful)

(I'm definitely seeing stars)

Jake’s grip on his wife’s hand holds strong as he leads her up to the highest point of the house, pausing at the base of the final set of stairs and gesturing for her to take the lead. Amy gives him a curious look as she passes him, clearly intrigued, and he whispers a compliment directed at her butt (always a favourite) as they both begin their ascent.

Holt and Kevin’s vow renewal ceremony was (finally!) taking place this coming weekend, and the squad - plus partners and children alike - had all convened earlier today at their allocated accommodation in the Berkshires.

The house - like many in the surrounding neighbourhood - was larger than the precinct and all of their homes combined; stretching out into various wings and drawing the eye upward with it’s high ceilings and exposed stonework. This time, Jake and Amy had gone to great lengths to ensure they were allocated their own room towards the opposite end of the home, large enough to accommodate a now eight months old Mac while also ensuring a modicum of privacy - a concept dearly treasured, after so many disastrous attempts.

Exhausted after a full day of sticking to a rigid schedule of rehearsals and preparations alike, Jake had waited until they’d been able to lull their son to sleep in his travel cot before luring Amy into the hallway with the promise of a surprise; and he’s not entirely sure if it his proposal to her several years ago that finally got Amy on board with his surprises, or if it was just indicative of the trust he’d been able to earn - but either way, she follows eagerly with an excited grin.

He hears the excited gasp that escapes her mouth as the door at the top swings open, the full extent of his plan coming to fruition as Amy moves further into the landing and turns to him with eyes that sparkled. “Jake … this is amazing!”

Tucking both hands into his pockets, Jake puts on his best humble brag face as he joins his wife in the centre of the alcove. “So I did a little research on this place before we got here, and as it turns out the owner/builder was a massive fan of stargazing.” Nodding towards the low set walls that wrapped around the base, he turns to Amy with a proud grin. “They’d built this landing solely for that purpose. And tonight, it is our little hideaway.”

Amy’s eyes soften as she takes in the surrounding tea light candles, the blow-up mattress covered in blankets and pillows in the middle of it all, and the bottle of wine still chilling in a bucket of ice to the side. “Wow, babe. You really pulled out all the stops on this one.”

“One could say .. a whole binders worth of preparation.”

Her head swivels towards him, and he grins triumphantly. “You made a binder for this?”

“You haven’t even heard the best part. The door we just went through is the only way in or out, and I have the key right here in my pocket. Rosa has stepped in to keep an eye on Mac, and has promised that she will only call if it’s an emergency. She also seems to have figured out what we are doing up here, and appears to be equal parts impressed and disgusted.”

Amy nods, moving closer and resting her hands on either side of Jake’s neck.

“Holt and Kevin are off with Laverne, Charles and Genevieve have taken Nikolaj camping half an hour away, and Terry and Sharon are exhausted from chasing after their kids all day. Hitchcock and Scully had both an apple pie and a cake after dinner, so I can only assume that they’ve slipped into some sort of post-sugar high coma.” Leaning in to press a soft kiss at the edge of Amy’s lips, Jake pulls away with a grin. “What I’m saying, my darling, is that there is almost no chance of us getting interrupted.”

Moving closer still, Amy wraps both arms around Jake’s neck, carding her fingers through his slightly overgrown curls as she draws him in for a heart-pounding kiss. “Looks like we’re kicking a certain curse’s butt tonight.”

Nodding, Jake initiates another kiss, waiting until he feels Amy melt completely in his arms before grazing his lips along the edge of her cheek, peppering tiny kisses in their wake. “While I am definitely looking forward to breaking the curse, this is mainly just me wanting you to feel good, babe.”

“Mmm. I’d say you’re on the right track.”

His teeth scrape lightly against her earlobe as he lets out a soft laugh, pulling their bodies closer together. “You work so hard, Ames .. and you do so much for Mac and I. You deserve to have a holiday, and really relax.” Continuing the path paved earlier, Jake reaches the juncture of her neck and swipes his tongue against her warm skin. “Let me make you feel good, babe.”

Amy lets out a moan, Jake’s hands wandering down the front of her jeans, cupping her centre through the fabric and rubbing with a slow rhythm; and he pulls away with a sly grin.

“There is one tiny detail that we need to take into consideration, actually.” Raising one hand, Jake gestures towards the open design of the landing. “Out here it’s just you, me and the stars … and sound travels like crazy.” He drops a tender kiss to her lips, leaving the intimation of both his and hers tendency to get a little loud during sex unspoken. “In fact, you could even say it’s - ” leaning in, he flips into his Best Sexy Tone - “omnidirectional.”

“Oh, mama …”

“We’re going to have to try really hard to stay quiet, babe.” Tightening his grip around her waist, Jake lowers his body slightly and Amy picks up on the queue, wrapping her legs around her husband as he moves them towards the blankets. He lowers her carefully, shaking his head in wonder as she gazes back up at him: looking like some kind of heavenly creation amongst the mixture of candlelight and stars. “I’m so in love with you, Amy Santiago.”

A soft blush creeps onto her cheeks, and Amy crooks her finger in a silent request for her husband’s presence, sinking her teeth into her lower lip as he covers her body with his own. “I love you too, Jake.”

Her hips tilt marginally upwards, rubbing her body against the fabric of Jake’s own jeans as she reaches for his fly, making quick work of the barriers as her hand slides inside to grip his rapidly growing erection. Quick to follow suit, Jake pulls away from their embrace only to tug both his and Amy’s jeans off completely, casting both of their tops and underwear aside haphazardly and mentally congratulating his earlier decision to use battery-powered candles over real ones. Setting fire to the highest point of a house is a great way to kill a mood - and ruin a wedding - and there wasn’t a single way that he was going to let the two of them be interrupted tonight.

His erection rubs against Amy’s naked thigh as he covers her body once again, sweeping his hand over her curves as his hand heads directly to her centre. He covers her mouth with his own while his fingers begin to explore, taking in the moisture they find and gently massaging just the way Amy loves. Her hips sway beneath Jake’s torso, working with his deft touch as her hand moves to circle his cock, squeezing and pumping slowly … a familiar move that only made Jake last a full two minutes the last time she tried it.

The two of them are straight-up moaning by now, rotating between messy kisses and heated breaths against shoulders and necks as they both work each other up with expert precision. Contorting his back, Jake moves to sink his teeth into the edge of Amy’s right breast, desperate for a taste of her arousal but knowing all too well that if he moves too far away from her mouth, his wife will begin to really cry out, and the risk of exposure was just too great.

Instead, he slides back up to press his lips against hers, the desire obvious as his bare crotch ruts against her own. Amy’s responding moan is stuttered, her attempts to keep everything quiet obvious, and he grins.

“You’re doing so well at staying quiet, Ames … god you’re so sexy.” Tongue sweeping against hers, absorbing the moans that were gaining in intensity, Jake’s thumb rubs persistently at her clit, matching the tempo of her rotating wrist as they push each other closer and closer to the edge.

“Oh god Jake … fuck me. Fuck me now, fuck me hard.”

Looping his elbow under one of her knees, Jake moves into position and enters Amy in a single thrust, feeling momentarily breathless as the warmth of her surrounds him completely. Her other leg swings around to rest on his butt, holding him close as he pulls out and slams back in again, and truly, this has to be the closest thing to heaven.

Pressing one hand into the base of the landing, Jake pushes down for leverage as he returns his right hand to Amy’s clit - resuming the circled patterns he’d initiated earlier - and Amy sinks her teeth into Jake’s shoulder as she comes with a muffled shout. The feeling of her walls pulsing around his cock makes him descend into a state of almost madness, increasing the intensity of his thrusts until it’s all just pure instinct, chasing the euphoric high but nowhere near ready for any of this to end.

Slipping her other leg from his grip, Amy digs her fingers into Jake’s shoulders as she rolls him onto his back, keeping their hips joined as much as possible to avoid any chance of disruption. Her body is slick with sweat as she rises above him, planting her hands on his chest and looking down at her husband with a flushed and satisfied grin, rising and falling as she takes over Jake’s steady pace.

“This is the best idea you’ve ever had,” she whispers, leaning down to circle her tongue over his nipples, sucking a love bite into his pec as she goes. “Fuck, this feels so good.” Rising again, Amy leans back until her hair is trailing down her spine, and the sight in front of him nearly pushes Jake over the edge completely.

She looked so incredible like this, bare and open and clearly just letting her body take over as she swivels her hips into his thrusts, his cock glistening with her arousal as she slides up and down. Jake has known, for a long time now, that there is nobody in the world that could ever be as beautiful as Amy Santiago, and tonight only serves to solidify his belief.

There’s a bit more of a curve to her skin now, a soft swell to her belly that stands as proof of the their amazing son; and he knows that at times she feels self-conscious of the changes she cannot control, but he fell in love with Amy for a million reasons, and her body was only one of them. His body has changed as well, after all; and probably will again over the course of the next fifty years, and there is nothing that will ever change the way they feel about each other.

He tents his legs to a low degree behind her, offering support as his hands begin to cover every expanse of her body, thumbing the inverted arch of her breasts with reverence as they bounce against their joint movements. Jake's not sure if he’ll ever win the lottery, but it’s clear that he’s already reached the jackpot right here in this moment, watching Amy hurtle ever closer to another orgasm.

It’s the faltered breaths and the occasional stilling of her hips that tells Jake that his wife is nearly there, and with gentle coaxing she falls forward again, mashing her lips against his as their chests press together. Knowing that this is an angle that both of them enjoy, Jake digs his fingers into Amy’s butt as he lifts his hips off the ground, hammering into Amy as the steady motion presses her clit against his pelvis, whispering her name over and over as her fingers grip his hair by the roots. Her body begins to shake, followed by a whisper of babe I’m close, and Jake pushes his body a degree or two higher.

There’s a sharp sting against his skin as Amy comes, her mouth clamped over the edge of his shoulder as the need to scream is just too powerful, the vibrations of her moans reverberating into his intoxicated mind. The sheer mixture of pleasure and pain is all Jake needs to let go completely, pouring himself inside his wife as calls out her name without suppression, and Amy’s hand clamps quickly over his mouth before the sound of his climax can travel too far.

It takes a long while for either Jake or Amy to be able to speak, their bodies a jumble mess as they struggle to catch their breath, the silence only broken as Amy cranes her neck back towards the sky and gasps - “Wow, you really can see so many stars from here!”

From beside her Jake nods, still partially in a state of seeing stars of his own as his heart begins to return to a normal pace. He lets out a gradual sigh as Amy shifts closer to him, curling her arm around his waist and tucking her head into his shoulder.

Wrapping his left arm around her naked body (he’s not sure there’ll ever be a time when he will ever have enough of it), Jake raises his right hand for a high five. “We did it, Ames. We broke the curse.”

Amy’s responding laugh is loud, and probably carried over the grounds, but Jake doesn’t care at all anymore, and she meets his hand with a triumphant slap. “Yeah we did! Suck it, universe!”

His grip grows tighter, seizing the blanket with the tips of his fingers and sliding it over their skin before his wife has a chance to feel the coolness of the night’s sky. He knows that they should probably head downstairs soon, sneak back into their bedroom and relieve Aunty Roro of her babysitting duties, but the afterglow of this moment feels too sweet to give away - Mac has been sleeping through the night for a solid two months now, and he knows that if anything had gone wrong they’d have known well before now.

Amy’s lips ghost against his bicep as she lets her eyelids flutter close for a moment (a post-sex power nap often needed, rarely lasting longer than thirty minutes), and Jake smiles at the sight, letting her nestle in to his embrace as he gazes through the glass ceiling above them to watch the stars.

He already knows that he won’t be able to find anything brighter than their future up there in the darkness, but for now, he’s content to watch the world pass them by for just a little bit longer.

#I hope you like this!#best of both worlds with the smut and fluff again #b99fandomevents #b99 summer 2020 fic exchange #my writing #Peraltiago smut #Peraltiago fluff #b99fic #b99 fic

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considerthehorses · 5 years ago

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Heterosexuality Is A Misleading Term For "No Homo"-Moids. Men Do Not Feel Attracted To Women, They Do Not Like Women, And They Do Not Love Women.

1.) Men are not attracted to women.

Men constantly talk about how disgusting vaginas look, smell, taste, and how much they hate the idea of going down on women. If they have the choice, they prefer female genitals that are mutilated: either via "old-fashioned" techniques like in some African and Islamic communities or via "modern" cosmetic surgeries that some women in porn have performed on them. The goal of this is always a kind of sexless, "genitalless", pedophilic look of a pink little slit.

Men also hate any amount of natural body hair on women although (or because!) it is a sign of sexual maturity. Men hate normal amounts of body fat on women although (or because) it is a sign of sexual maturity and fertility as well.

Men want babies with big tits.

And what do they want to sexually do to these babies with big tits? Fuck them in the ass, fuck them in the throat, beat, rape, torture, and humiliate them until they cry.

Male sexuality is nothing but fetishized violence against women. They love anal sex because it is hurtful to women and doesn't give women a chance to orgasm themselves. And the moment they realized that some women actually enjoy giving blowjobs have they come up with "throat fucking" and "deep throat": they HATE women, they HATE female bodies, and they HATE the idea that a woman could enjoy sex.

It is often said that "Porn tells lies about women, but it tells the truth about men". And the truth is that if you take the brutal anal/throat penetration out of male sexuality, what's left is men casually beating, hurting, whipping women. The distinction between "vanilla" and "kink" doesn't make sense in the case of men. It's just a matter of degree. "Vanilla" men want to rape women and beat them - "kinky" men want to rape women and beat them and electroshock and water torture and mutilate them.

Men are not attracted to actual female bodies. Men only enjoy the idea of DESTROYING female bodies: both through absurd beauty norms that effectively destroy these bodies and turn them into absurd dolls and through sexual practices that are always about hurting, beating, whipping, raping, anal fucking, throat fucking female bodies.

Men are MONSTERS. There is some creepy shit in nature: viruses and predators and parasite larvae that eat their host alive. And, of course, other animals also rape women. But nothing is as cruel and disgusting as the human moid: at least a lion doesn't masturbate over the idea of a female lion being torn to pieces by an elephant or whatever. A predator just wants to eat you, a coronavirus just enter a cell nucleus and replicate ... but the human moid gets erections and masturbates to the thought of women being humiliated and tortured and hurt until they cry and bleed or even die.

2.) Men do not like women.

Men do not feel attracted to real women. And men do obviously not LIKE women. They hate women so much that the moment women like something, men hate it: if women like flavored-coffee drinks from Starbucks, men hate it BECAUSE women like it. (As if bacon and bacon memes are funnier or better than women making memes about pizza or enjoying pumpkin-spice lattes!)

If women join a fandom, men leave because the moment women like it, they start hating it. Some sociologist has coined the term "gender pollution": it is a sexist term itself but it describes a real phenomenon: the more women enter a particular space (e.g. a profession or a hobby), the more it is "polluted", the less it is valued and the less people in this job get paid. I think in some Eastern European countries this is actually the case with doctors even: but as there are many women in this field - both among nurses as well as among doctors - doctors are also not valued anymore.

The moment women became good in school was the moment boys increasingly dropped out. Men now associate doing your homework and reading books with women - and they rather ruin their lives than to be engaged with something women like! So instead of doing their homework are they now playing video games 24/7. But now women have obviously started playing video games as well. So now they become mass shooters because they hate the idea of female video game characters.

3.) Men do not love women

Winston Churchill famously said that you have the Germans either at your feet or at your throat.

Now, I’m not sure about the Germans, but I think that this is definitely true for males: they are always either at your throat or at your feet. Males fall in "love" with e-girls … but the moment they find out that those women already have boyfriends they want to kill them. (I’m not even sure if I have to put "love" in quotation marks here because the idea of a REAL love in contrast to quotation-marks-love feels a bit like the idea that only "men" in quotation marks are toxic and shitty while REAL men are all these heroes and these supermen…)

I think pornsickness and “lovesickness” are, in a way, two sides of the same coin. “Love” feels like the surrogate religion of a secular age. I’m not a Buddhist but I agree with this part from a text, explaining why this religion is critical of the concept of “romantic love”:

The love of a man for a woman and a woman for a man is often the floor to which people fall after the collapse of other dreams. It is held to be solid when nothing else is, and though it frequently gives way and dumps them into a basement of despair, it still enjoys a reputation of dependability. No matter that this reputation is illogical — it still flourishes and will continue to flourish regardless of what is said in any book. Love, or possibly the myth of love, is the first, last, and sometimes the only refuge of uncomprehending humanity. What else makes our hearts beat so fast? What else makes us swoon with feeling? What else renders us so intensely alive and aching? The search for love — the sublime, the nebulous, the consuming — remains sacred in a world that increasingly despises the sacred. When the heroic and the transcendental are but memories, when religious institutions fill up with bureaucrats and social scientists, when nobody believes there is a sky beyond the ceiling, then there seems no other escape from the prison of self than the abandon of love. With a gray age of spiritual deadness upon us, we love, or beg for love, or grieve for love. We have nothing higher to live for.

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/price/bl124.html

I couldn’t agree more. Just consider how many males murder others and/or end their own lives because of love. Just like being pornsick makes it hard for males - and for women - to develop a realistic understanding of human sexuality with its possibilities and limitations, being “lovesick” makes it hard for males - and for women - to develop a realistic understanding of human relationships. People these days expect love to do what previous generations expected miracles and gods to do. “All you need is love” vs “All you need is Jesus”.

There are also studies that show that males fall in love easier and earlier than women. And they surely fall out of love easier as well. Males are like the flickering flame of a candle that burns brightly for a second and then goes out again. This is why it’s so super common for women to think that they do not know their husbands anymore because they feel that these males are completely different persons suddenly.

Males can be lovesick and pornsick at the same time. They masturbate to torture porn in one moment, and the next moment they write a 20-page love letter to some e-girl and emotionally vomit all over them, confessing their undying love. (Many women receive as many rape threats as they receive cringe love letters in which males emotionally vomit all over them.) And one moment later do they already want to kill those terrible “e-thots” again: males are always either at your throat or at your feet: the romantic concept of "love" is a literary construct at best and a religious tool at worst but it's simply not true that men are able to "love" women in the sense women dream about being loved.

Men are not attracted to actual women.

Men do not like actual women.

Men do not love actual women.

PS - Quote from the Reddit Comments:

Regarding love, this is hormonal thing. The feeling of romantic love, of falling in love, "the honey moon period" etc is caused by hormone called Oxytocin. Oxytocin induced social bonding including bonding with sexual partner, and maternal love. It is found in women in far higher amounts than in men and it is major reason why women exhibit more pro-social behavior, are less selfish, more empathic, better parents, more generous, more trusting, more romantic etc. Men do not normally have much Oxytocin, but they get a temporal boost when they fall in love, which makes them bond to their partner and mellows them down, making them less dangerous and more attentive partner and father. But the effect is always temporal and only lasts few months.

PROOF : The results showed that OT plasma levels (pg ̸ ml, mean ± SD) were significantly higher in women than in men (4.53 ± 1.18 vs 1.53 ± 1.19, p ˂ 0.001).

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deepjams4 · 3 years ago

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Do Deities really Curse the human-beings?

I got a WhatsApp message, today morning, which shook me, as I then only, could realise, the extent to what low levels one could think and sadly about a primitive or medieval mindset or the thinking too, of that particular person, whom I thought to be a very seasoned one and well educated (by education I only mean university degrees).

Though, the contents of message didn’t surprise me, which are only an outcome, based on some religious beliefs, because of which women in our patriarchal society are considered second grade, inferior and impure, despite worshiping the Deity of Power-Maa Durga or Maa Kali or Maa Chandi, Deity of Wealth & Prosperity- Maa Lakshmi and Deity of Wisdom & knowledge- Maa Saraswati or Maa Sharda.

Why we blame any other religion or a society, when our own backyard is rotting with such illogical mindsets and thinking!

The WhatsApp message read as:

“Why corana is more in Kerala.

It is the curse 🤬 of Lord Ayyappa.

If allowing ladies into sabarimala is stopped corana will vanish”.

My reply to him was:

“Please stop developing such wrong notions and stop spreading such rumours!

No deity is human so no deity has the nature and behaviour of a human-being of jealousy, hatred, or vengeance.

Therefore no deity including Lord Aayappa would curse anyone!”

Ultimately, with an illogical and unscientific thinking or mindset, our thought process gets corrupted and we end up discriminating against people on the basis of caste, skin colour, creed, religion or region and in this case on the basis of gender.

Here I am reminded of the preachings of Sikh Guru Amar Dass ji, who preached for community langar (kitchen) without any discrimination about the caste and creed, the liberation of women from the practices of purdah (wearing a veil) as well as strongly preached against the practice of sati (Hindu wife burning on her husband's funeral pyre).

Guru Amar Das also disapproved of a widow remaining unmarried for the rest of her life.

The Sikh Gurus preached and banned this custom of purdah and Sikhs are strictly prohibited from practising this custom.

In fact the advent of Sikhism appeared a liberating force in Indian society. Affirmation of the dignity of the human being, male as well as female, was central to Guru Nanak’s teaching. He had for women especially, many words of gratitude to say.

In this respect, verses from Asa ki Var, when roughly translated in English, read as:

“Of woman are we born,

of woman conceived;

to woman engaged,

to woman married.

Women are befriended,

by woman is the civilization continued.

When woman dies, woman is sought for.

It is by woman that the entire social order is maintained.

Then why call her evil of whom are great men born?”

So why call her bad? From her, kings are born.

From woman, woman is born; without woman, there would be no one at all.

— Guru Nanak, Raag Aasaa Mehal 1, Panna 473

While many faiths abhor menstruating women, the only saving grace comes in the form of Sikhism. According to Guru Nanak Dev, a mother’s blood is necessary for human life and is therefore sacred, rather than impure.

In Hindu religion or Indian mindsets women are regarded as impure during periods and immediately after childbirth .

In Sikh religion /Gurbani these female bodily functions are viewed as natural body functions and no restriction is imposed .

Rough translation of the hymn on page no. 472 of Shri Guru Granth Sahib is as below :

“If one accepts the concept of women being impure in those days ( when she goes through life giving cycle) then there is impurity in everything”,

“O Brahmin you use cow dung and wood to make your kitchen clean they are also impure as they have worms”

“So are the grains of corn , as none of these is without life”

“Even in the basic ingredient of life, water, there is life, from which everything is made green”

“How can you protect yourself /your kitchen from the (so called) impurity as all the things containing life enter into your kitchen”

“O Nanak , impurity cant be removed in this way It is washed away only by spiritual wisdom.”

For this fact alone, Sikhism is the most woman-friendly of all the world’s patriarchal religions.

That we still believe in such regressive beliefs, as nursed and displayed by not only my friend who sent me the above referred message, but also many other people of orthodox mindset, is a sign that humans haven't evolved much from their medieval and troglodytic past.

——

#writerscreed #writers creed #writers on tumblr #new poets on tumblr #writers corner #urdu poetry #poets corner #hindipoetry #कविता #hindi poetry #writersofinstagramcommunity #spilledthoughts

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teamdoubleoh · 4 years ago

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Boothroyd was Q’s Grandfather

vaguely (sorry) based on this post by @tamquamm and @spiritofcamelot s request. Also infused is @caffeinatedflummadiddlebutmerlin s gender fluid merlin, though I didn’t ask If I could use the concept, sorry.

pt. 1/2 wordcount: 3533 unbeta:ed (And written by someone who can’t spell for shite in any language.)

Q has heard all about MI6 from his grandfather, Gregory, also known as Major Boothroyd. Bond’s predecessor as 007 used to annoy Boothroyd to no end so when Q meets Bond he finds himself unable to resist making one or three references to his grandfathers work at MI6. The older Minions are in on it, the younger ones think it’s hilarious and Bond thinks Q is very pretty when he smiles so he won’t ask what the hell is going on, as long as it makes Q happy.

TLTR: Q is a Holmes, the Minions treat quotes from Boothroyd like vines, Eve is a genius and Bond is in love. They get drunk, and Bond learns about Q and his family.

(This developed from a 500-word Drabble to a 3.6k monstrosity. Also Q is a Holmes and has a fourth sibling.)

When Bond had first met Q he’d still been unaccustomed to the name Q in reference to the Quartermaster. For as long as he’d been an agent the Quartermaster had been Major Gregory Boothroyd, who had been referred to by most agents as Major Boothroyd.

This had made calling the new Quartermaster Q very easy, and even though Bond liked to let of snarky remarks about Q’s age, he was well aware that Boothroyd would have never appointed anyone as R who wasn’t perfectly fit to take over as Quartermaster at any given time. And yet James had thought that this new Quartermaster would be someone who wasn’t used to the antics of agents or at least the double-oh’s and thus easier to irritate. He was wrong.

At First he had thought it coincidence.

Q had sat next to him in the national gallery, made a comment about the inevitability of time and handed him his equipment. Then, just as he was about to leave, he had reminded Bond to return the equipment in one piece.

There had been something in his eyes Bond couldn’t quite place - but it came close to a look he know from his missions - something in the eyes of someone who had just fooled everyone in a game of poker to go all in, only to reveal a royal flush.

James had dismissed it, had thought he’d interpreted too much into a single look. He should have known better, of course there had been something. Saying these words had meant more to Q than the pride of being the Quartermaster of MI6 could rectify. He had smiled his tight little smile and his eyes had shone with pure mirth.

It had happened again and again; pieces of dialogue between him and Q that seemed to light the Quartermaster up.

Once he had been going over the speed limit while on mission; not an irregular occurrence, sure, but for some reason Q had seemed delighted when he reminded Bond that he had a licence to kill, not to break the traffic laws. Bond had hesitated momentarily and answered that, yes he was aware. The pure satisfaction Q had radiated when he said »Good!« Had been clearly audible over com. So had been R’s snort in the background.

Another time they’d been standing in Q branch and Q had begrudgingly handed James a ›class four grenade‹, whatever that meant. James had been delighted to find that it looked very much like an ordinary pen and made a witty comment about how the pen was mightier than the sword. Q had smiled as he reminded Bond that that was now in fact the case and that James had to thank Q for that. James had smiled flirtily. »Did you just make joke Q?«

Q just shook his head in something that seemed to be a combination of genuine distress and mirth. »I never joke about my work 007.«

At least two senior minions had trouble to stifle their laughs while one of the new ones working nearby just grinned for the remainder of Bond’s stay in Q-Branch.

Since it was common knowledge that basically anything in Q-brach was deadly - including any and all personnel - many of the A-list Agents and most of the double-oh’s were very careful when it came to touching things. The only double-oh who seemingly forgot this every time he appeared before and after missions was, of course, 007. He had the potentially fatal habit to pick up whatever was in his reach to twirl it around or trow it in the air.

One particular time he’d just put down a poisoned ring when he’d set eyes on a brown paper bag that looked innocent enough to him. When he went to pick it up Q turned around, lightning fast, and pulled the bag from his hands exclaiming loudly, »DON’T TOUCH THAT! That’s my lunch!« to the obvious amusement of everyone in the vicinity.

Whenever James said something remotely illogical, immature or not well thought out, Q immediately quipped »Oh, grow up 007«. After three weeks of this the phrase had become something of an inside joke between the minions and Bond, and even he could appreciate it, even though he didn’t quite understood why it was that funny.

Bond only figured it out after Eve had invited him to one of her and Q’s monthly movie nights, though there was more drinking than movie watching.

***

They’d met at Q’s flat because it was located more or less exactly between Bond’s and Moneypenny’s. It was cozy and reasonably small, but not cluttered. The living room was not very lived in, which made sense to James when he considered Q’s working habits, but well furnished.

There was a worn couch that could hold all three of them if they squeezed, as well as an armchair and a wooden coffee table. Next to two bookcases there was a drawer that was probably supposed to hold silverware and tablecloths but the bottom drawer was pulled open and filled to the brim with scraps and bits of old tech.

Much more interesting was what Q had placed on top of the drawer. There were photos. Photos of the Quartermaster, some of him alone with different diplomas, some together with others or groups of people.

To James’ amazement one showed Q standing next to Mycroft Holmes. Bond had been introduced once, by his M, who hadn’t actually mentioned what Holmes did - only that he was basically everyone’s superior and also on speaking terms with the Royal family.

Another picture displayed a black door adorned with golden letters, telling the passing crowd that this was number 221b. In front stood an old lady with two younger men behind her. One of them was Sherlock Holmes, Bonds realised, the genius detective who’d killed himself a few years back. The other, Bond recognised from his army days as one lieutenant John Watson. Next to the old lady there was the Quartermaster, bespectacled and wearing one of his cardigans.

One photo, at least twenty years old, displayed a younger version of M, Olivia Mansfield, next to a stern looking woman in a emerald green gown, that looked like it came straight from the late 19. hundreds, a woman that could only be described as ›motherly‹ and the woman from the picture with the detective.

The most recent picture was probably the one of the royal wedding. Bond remembered reading about it in a paper he’d nicked from a minions desk on his way to the airport. The crown prince Arthur Pendragon had caused a worldwide uproar when he’d announced he was not only bisexual but also planning to wed one Myrdinn Holmes.

The picture that stood in the very front showed a younger version of Q and Major Boothroyd. Q was standing behind Boothroyd’s motorised wheelchair in the old Q-Branch, the one that Silva had blow up, and both were smiling brightly at the camera.

Bond turned to Q who was setting down glasses on a small couch table.

»You and Boothroyd. You were close, weren’t you?« James asked softly.

Q hesitated before stepping next to Bond. He picked up the frame and showed Bond the backside where someone had written ›Q and Q - the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree’

James turned to look at Q. He know how the Quartermaster looked, he had spent enough time staring at him when Q wasn’t looking but only now he noticed how similar Q and Boothroyd had been, both in complexion and behaviour.

»He was your grandfather. I’m... sorry for your loss« James stated.

»Who?« Moneypenny asked. She had appeared in the doorway to the small kitchen, holding a bottle of some alcoholic beverage in hand, which she had apparently opened already.

»Boothroyd.« James answered quietly.

Q smiled, the nostalgia in his voice barely concealed »He used to tell me stories about MI6, when I was little. About his work and the agents.«

»Did he tell you about what a great agent I was?« Bond smirked, trying to lighten the mood a little.

»By the time you were a double-oh I was already working for MI6, unofficially I mean. He told me about 007 - your predecessor that is. It was a joke between him and me, you know? The ›grow up 007‹. We would make wagers about how often he could get away with saying it to 007 before he got suspicious.«

Moneypenny snorted a little.

Q smiled his brilliant smile at her, melancholy all but forgotten now. »He told be about you, too. Said you were brilliant. He always wanted to make a bet about how you would be M some day. I never accepted because I knew he was right.«

Moneypenny put her head to one side. »I was still an agent back then…«

Q only shrugged. »He said you were too good to be an agent.«

Moneypenny blushed lightly and smiled happily. »Sounds like he was a good grandfather.«

Bond grinned. »Sounds like he was just like Q.«

Q turned to the coffee table to pour three glasses of what appeared to be Bombay sapphire and gave James and Eve one each. »You’re both right. Now, what movie shall we get drunk to?«

***

Three hours later they were sprawled on top of each other across the seating accommodations.

The only source of light was a small lamp, standing atop the drawer, which emitted a warm, candle like light.

Eve had called dibs on the armchair ages ago, eying Q and James with barely hidden mirth.

After two hours of drinking she’d picked up the framed photo of the royal wedding and waxed about the beauty of the crown princes sister, while Q and James smiled, already too intoxicated to mind the terrible puns and metaphors comparing the duchess’s hair to the night sky and her eyes to stars. In a final motion of grandeur she’d remarked that the lady looked like she could kill anyone, just by staring them down.

After half an hour she’d put the frame back and hadn’t said a thing for at least thirty minutes before exclaiming in a fit of something that Q could only call euphoria, »R is Q’s second in command because R comes after Q in the alphabet!«

Then she’d closed her eyes and started snoring softly.

Q, who had given up trying to keep his distance from James on the tiny couch and instead had now sprawled out on top of the other man like a drunk blanket, had only murmured »Bloody hell« before refraining from saying anything more and staring at the ceiling in silent contemplation instead.

Bond was silent. There was a warm, fuzzy feeling in his chest that could have been caused by alcohol as much as by the adorable idiot that had chosen him as his mattress and was now studying the ceiling.

Bond turned his head, slowly, as not to disturb Q, to look at the picture of Q and Boothroyd - Q’s grandfather - on the drawer next to the couch.

»Did you know M? Olivia Mansfield?« He asked softly.

Q turned his face towards the drawer too. »Why else would I keep her picture?« His answer had been barely a murmur but the voice was right next to James’s ear.

James snorted softly. »You can’t tell me you know everyone in these Photos Q.«

»You’re adorable.«Q smiled lazily against Bonds chest.

Bonds heartbeat quickened the slightest bit. »Q. You do know there is a photo of Mycroft Holmes on your drawer.«

Q wiggled a bit so he could see the frames without rearranging his vertebrae and frowned slightly. »Why wouldn’t I know Mycroft?«

Bond wanted to shrug, but Q sounded like he was almost asleep. » M - my M - introduced me once. Told me he was her superior. Said he was friends with the Royal family.« He paused for a second, before continuing »She also told me to never, ever, piss him off.«

»She knew you well, huh?«

»S’pose so.«

»Granperé told Mycroft about you too.«

»Boothroyd told Mycroft Holmes about me?«

»’Told him about all agents.« Q corrected.

Bond smiled about the absurdity. »Your Grandfather spied at MI6 for Mycroft Holmes?«

» ’course. So do I« Q slurred, before snuggling closer to James’ chest.

»Why? He’s Mycroft Holmes. ’s not like he needs outside support now, does he?«

»Outside?«

»Y’know, not family.«

»Boothroyd was Mycroft’s family, Bond.«

James chocked on air. »You’re related to Holmes? What, s’ he your uncle?«

»Don’t be daft Bond, I’m not related to a Holmes- «

»Could you stop calling me Bond all the time?«

»If you stop interrupting me I will. I’m not related to a Holmes, I am a Holmes.«

» You’re a Holmes… Mycroft Holmes is your cousin.«

»Brother.«

»…Ah.«

Q found that he was almost asleep, which was a feat in itself, considering where he was currently located.

Then James spoke up again. »That’s how you now the royal family then? Through Mycroft?«

»Why the royal family?«

»You have a picture of the royal wedding framed Q. Although I s’pose keeping a picture of your brother and your former Boss is slightly different from keeping picture of the Pendragon family, even if you were introduced. Hadn’t taken you for a royalist, Dear Quartermaster.«

»My former Boss?«

»M, Q. Olivia Mansfield?«

»Oh yeah. I don’t keep her picture because she w’s my boss.«

» ’Thought you only kept pictures of people you knew.«

»Actually not true. ’only keep pictures of Fam’ly.«

»You’re related to M?« Bond had known M had had children, but not much else.

»My mothers sister. One of the four Ms.« Q giggled like he’d made a formidable joke.

»Your’ aunt’s and mother’s names all start with M?« James asked, a smile on his lips.

» ’course not, James. You know M’s name was Olivia. They all grew up to be M though.«

Q reached out to grab the picture displaying M and what apparently were her sisters but failed.

James picked it up and handed it to Q, who turned so he faced the ceiling again and pointed at M to explain.

»You know Olivia Mansfield, born Holmes, who was called M for her position in MI6.«

He pointed at the woman who James had dubbed ›motherly‹ upon first glance a few hours back. »This is my mother. Her name is Violet Holmes. She kept her last name when she married my father but no one calls her Violet of even Mrs. Holmes. Everyone just calls her Mummy. Mycroft started it when we were kids and it stuck. This is her older sister, Minerva,« Q pointed out the stern looking woman. »She’s Headmistress in a… private school up north… well. And this is Martha, the youngest. She got married too, but Mr. Hudson did some illegal stuff on the other side of the pond and got himself on death trail. Martha asked Sherlock for help, of course. Now she lives in London again. Thus the four Ms; Minerva, Mummy, M and Martha.« Q trailed off.

James picked up the photo of the woman he now knew as Martha Hudson in front of the door and showed it to Q, pointing out the short man standing behind her left shoulder. »John Watson, right? I know him. Used to know him, I mean, in the army.«

»Hasn’t been a Watson in some time though. Goes by John Watson-Holmes now. ’S my brother in law.«

»Mycroft is married?« James asked softly. ›Mycroft is gay?‹ went unsaid.

»He’s married, alright. Not to John mind you, but Lestrade. His first name is Greg, but everyone ’cept Mycroft calls him Lestrade. Gregory Lestrade-Holmes is quite a mouthful, so we collectively decided to go with the easier option.« Q grinned lazily.

James blinked a few times. Now Q had lost him. »’Thought you said John was you brother-in-law?«

»I have more than one sibling, James. John is married to Sherlock, my second brother.«

» Thought I lost you back there for a mo’. How are you related to the Pendragons then? You in line for the throne or s’mthing?« James joked.

Q laughed for a few glorious seconds before catching his breath. » Yes, very funny James.«

»You said you only kept photos of your family Q,« James answered with fake outrage. »And now I have to find out you’re not actually related to Royalty?«

»Don’t be silly James, I know what I said. And technically I am related to them, though only by marriage. Hand me the photo of the wedding and I'll show you.«

James complied happily. »I have to say Q. After the confusion with your brothers I am now genuinely interested how you could possibly complicate this further.«

Q let out a stifled groan. He pointed out the few familiar faces out of the crowd of nobility behind them. While the nobles kept in the back the King stood in the middle of the picture, right behind the happy couple. To Arthurs right there was his sister, smiling happily at her brother, who only had eyes for his husband. »It’s not that bad. Let me show you. This is the king, as I hope you realise. These are his children Morgana also known as Eve’s long-time crush and -.«

»I know you think me a fool Q, but I do recognise the King of the country I have sworn my life to.« James smiled while shaking his head in disbelief.

Q groaned. »Oh shush James. If you’re so knowledgable, why don’t you tell me who these people are and save me the effort, hm?«

James mentally shrugged. There were only four people in Britain who were actually royals at the moment and he knew their names. After all, he had legally died for one of them.

He pointed at each person as he went along. » This is, as you have so graciously explained dear Q, the King, Uther Pendragon, whom I coincidentally happen to have sworn my life too. Then there’s the crown prince, Arthur Pendragon, who I will pledge my life to should I mysteriously manage to outlive the King. This one is the lovely lady who Eve has the undeniable crush on. Huh.« He pulled the framer closer. »She really does look like she could kill me. Name’s Morgana Pendragon, illegitimate daughter to the king. I believe she a duchess but I couldn’t tell you her title if my life depended on it.«

»If it’s any consolation, I don’t know it either.« Q quipped.

James rolled his eyes fondly. »I thought you wanted to save your breath, Q.«

Q only let out a ›tsk‹ noise, so James returned to his explanation. »And that is the crown prince’s husband, of whom I only know because I nicked a newspaper from Q-Branch on my way to the airport. Should both Uther and Arthur die before me I would pledge my life to him too, I suppose.« James mused. »His name is Myrdinn Pendragon. I’m sorry to admit I don’t know his title though.«

»He goes by ›prince consort‹. Now, you see who that is standing in the far left corner, right behind the lady so-and-so?«

»Is that…Mummy?«

»Hm hm. That next to her is my father. If you squint you can even see me, right next to Mummy. I was wearing a suit, you know. Mummy confiscated all my cardigans. To my left there even are two of my siblings and their husbands.« Q seemed genuinely upset about the fact that he hadn’t been able to wear a cardigan to the royal wedding.

»Two of your siblings? You have a sister?«

»Occasionally. They’re gender fluid.« Q frowned up at James, scrunching his nose. »You do know what gender fluidity is?«

»I’m an agent, I know about people. You have another sibling then?«

»’s male that day. Name ’s Merlin. He’s right there.« Q murmured, eyes fallen shut from fatigue.

James brought the picture to his face, trying to make out another figure in the crowd he now recognised as the Holmes’.

As if sensing his confusion Q looked up. »In the middle, James.«

James’ eyes darted back to the middle where the royal family stood.

For a moment it was silent.

»Q« James asked gingerly.

»Hm?« Q’s eyes had fallen shut again.

»Are you telling me your brother is married to the crown prince?«

»Sibling. Yes.«

»…Alright.«

It was quiet for another few seconds.

»Who used to be your favourite?«

»Hm?«

»You said Boothroyd used to tell you about the agents. Who was your favourite?«

»Moneypenny.« Q answered deadpan.

»Awe, you hurt me dear Q.« James put the pile of picture frames on the floor next to the couch, then he wiggled to make himself more comfortable and slung his arms around Q. »Who’s your favourite now?«

»Oh, grow up 007.« Q murmured, face pressed against Bonds chest. For a few seconds he was silent. Then Q spoke up again. »James?«

»Q.«

»Would you mind putting out the light?«

»Not at all. If you could do us all the favour and introduce Eve to your sister-in-law.«

»I’ll invite you both for Christmas at the palace.«

»You are lovely, you know that.«

»So are you. Now shut it.«

#007 fest 2020 #team00 #00q #pre relationship #merthur #johnlock #mystrade #but all ships are pretty background-y #so don't get your hopes up #eve moneypenny #drinking #005.Vi

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pass-the-bechdel · 4 years ago

Text

The Good Place season one full review

How many episodes pass the Bechdel test?

100% (thirteen of thirteen).

What is the average percentage per episode of female characters with names and lines?

49.58%

How many episodes have a cast that is at least 40% female?

Twelve of the thirteen; seven of those are 50%+, and two of those are over 60%

How many episodes have a cast that is less than 20% female?

Zero.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Twenty-four. Eight who appeared in more than one episode, four who appeared in at least half the episodes, and three who appeared in every episode.

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Twenty-two. Eleven who appeared in more than one episode, three who appeared in at least half the episodes, and two who appeared in every episode.

Positive Content Status:

Solid; the nature of the show is such that they really need to be making a concerted effort to reflect positive, progressive morality, and as such faults in the content would also almost certainly be considered faults in the show itself (average rating of 3).

General Season Quality:

Magnificent! It’s a wonderful ride, whether it’s your first time through or not. Just delightful.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) under the cut:

So, let’s talk about plot twists. In the current entertainment landscape, it seems like everyone is intent upon ‘subverting expectations’, and the good old-fashioned plot twist is very much swept up in that, since a subversion is almost always going to play as a ‘twist’ by definition. The unfortunate thing about this current landscape is that it’s rife with ‘subversive twists’ which are really just bad storytelling; they’re only there because of some pathological fear of predictability, or worse, because the creative minds just want to feel cleverer than their audiences by delivering content that no-one saw coming, serving their own egos at the expense of coherent narratives. If your ‘twist’ is about your own (supposed) intelligence, if you’re baiting the audience by playing into a common trope and then laughing at them for thinking you meant it, if you’re changing the story out of nowhere just for shock value without bothering to build toward the twist because you’re too afraid that someone might figure it out before the reveal...that’s not a real twist. It’s not even a real subversion, it’s just a bad-faith gimmick. It’s not there for the story at all, it’s there to make the writer feel special, because apparently feeling special for delivering quality storytelling isn’t good enough anymore. A proper, genuine plot twist should:

1. make sense in the context of the narrative (it should not be tonally dissonant or jump the tracks into a different genre)

2. make sense with the content of the narrative (it may recontextualise previous events or character choices, but it does not contradict or ignore them in order to function)

3. be foreshadowed (if it comes out of nowhere, that’s not a twist, it’s a random event. It’s a deus ex machina. There’s no story in it if it isn’t built into the fabric of the narrative)

4. ultimately further the storytelling (if it has no consequences for plot or character, it’s a shock-value gimmick, not a real twist).

The above points do not guarantee that a twist will be good storytelling and not just a subversive contrivance for the fuck of it, but they should at least ensure some logical cohesion and protect the integrity of the plot instead of sacrificing it in the name of empty surprise. That covered, it’s easy to see how – even (or perhaps, especially) in this twist-saturated tv landscape we currently inhabit – the big twist for season one of The Good Place still manages to be – in technical parlance – dope. The writing protects the twist not by being ‘too clever’; it simply offers a decoy issue to drive the plot. Eleanor is a Good Place fraud; that’s the first twist in the plot, and it compels the entire season forward. Other twists - Jason’s reveal, Eleanor’s confession, the introduction of the ‘real’ Eleanor - set the stage for this being A Show That Has Twists, but in a way that makes so much contextual sense that it doesn’t set us up to be looking for the next one (a common problem for those shows that rely on ‘cleverer than the audience’ twists - they’ve set themselves up as mysteries for the audience to unravel, and then they kill their own storytelling as they twist in knots trying to keep ahead of millions of intelligent viewers). The Good Place actually tells us outright that something is wrong with this supposed ‘happy afterlife’, it just fools us into thinking that we already know what’s wrong, so that we don’t see the signs of the truth for what they are. Crucially, however, it doesn’t matter if you figure it out before Eleanor does. You can have your suspicions (or have had the show spoiled for you in advance), and you can still appreciate and enjoy it as it unfolds, you can pick up the clues and have a good time with them, and that’s something that all of those gimmicky-subversion plots out there are missing. Their ‘twists’ are not proper functioning pieces of the narrative, and so the story doesn’t work if you already know the reveal; there’s no juicy build-up to enjoy, or worse, you expose your own illogical contrivances or outright plot holes that were created in the course of writing a crappy twist just to feel relevant. The Good Place works because - like any good story - it isn’t about the twist. It’s about the journey.

An important part of what makes the twist work also is that it interweaves the sins of Tahani and Chidi with the discissions of morality without drawing too much attention to them; if all four humans had simply been frauds, it would have been narratively empty, especially if the reveals were coming late in the piece. Jason’s works because it comes out early, and because the Jianyu cover is interesting and distinctly different both to Eleanor’s ploy and to the behaviour of the rest of the neighbourhood, but if the others had turned in the same way it would have been too contrived, too easy, and it would toss out the personalities we had gotten used to (which would violate Good Twist point #2). Since the show DOES pull that trick with Michael (which works because he’s the architect of the whole situation, not a pawn within it), it’s essential that they’re more subtle with Tahani and Chidi’s reasons for being where they are, and in playing it as they do they also reinforce the show’s central deliberations on morality. It’s an inspired framework for approaching what are traditionally considered ‘heady’ themes (and y’all know I’m into it), and every decision about how to approach and balance character behaviour is coming from a position of ethical consideration, weighing not only the acts themselves, but how they compare to the moral theory of various different and conflicting philosophies. It just goes to show that you don’t have to make something ponderous and inaccessible in order to have a cerebral conversation through television - you can do it just fine with afterlife comedy.

As I noted above the cut, the nature of the show automatically lends itself to careful consideration of any feminist and/or progressive content, and as such it should keep a pretty clean bill throughout, or risk cracking its own concept. I do wish they would come out stronger on the queer side of things (as I said in the episode posts, they really aren’t vague about the idea that Eleanor is attracted to women, but her saying words about hot women is still not delivering a lot on the representation front, especially when she is known to do more than say words when it comes to dudes, and the only other queer content we get is the fact that Gunnar and Antonio are soulmates, and that doesn’t technically mean they’re romantically or sexually involved (especially since they’re fakes anyway, but that’s a whole ‘nother thing)). In the mean time though, we have a female lead, 100% on the Bechdel and an essentially balanced number of male and female characters abounding, plus some really nice variety in racial backgrounds (and great names to go along with those - it’s a bit of a peeve of mine usually when show’s include multicultural characters but land everyone with Anglicised or ‘white-friendly’ names. Let the Bambadjans of the world keep their names). We’ve taken a clear stance on even ‘benign’ sexism (i.e. the stuff that’s just men saying inappropriate things - ‘just a suggestion! just a joke! just trying to get a reaction out of you, why are you so sensitive?’ - it’s all literal demon behaviour here), and I won’t pretend that I’m expecting them to get into the real nitty-gritty, but that’s ok. I’m happy to have something which is making a point of not being problematic, because such refuges have real value. So, maybe there won’t be a lot for me to tease apart as the show progresses, but that’s not a bad thing. At the moment, we have green lights across the board, and that’s a hard thing to find. I’m going with it, and we’ll see where we end up.

#full season review #The Good Place #The Good Place season one #Bechdel Test #female representation

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forestfanders · 4 years ago

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Birds of a feather - pt 3 Emoticons

A long list of injuries on the page, and a longer list of potential responses to their trauma. Working out how to treat the pair of tiny humanoid avians was going to be a challenge, but it is one Logan and Patton are determined to meet. Pt 2: Roman tests the boundaries of this new place. whump, hurt/comfort and dehumanisation <3 wingfic tw: animal abuse, mention of burns and neglect AO3 link

chapter 1/ chapter 2/

The bird man had given Patton the most adorable little wave, and the therapist had felt his heart break a little more.

The pair had been a mess. Their tiny bodies were swamped with bandages, but most harrowing was the wariness in their postures. Princey’s eyes had been clouded with fear, but held a longing to interact, to answer Patton’s questions. Patton just knew there was an outgoing free spirit under there, just waiting to be given permission to shine beneath the fear he had been subjected to. And Anxiety had lived up to his name. The poor kiddo had been practically catatonic in a dissociative fugue, but Patton knew that with a good environment and plenty of reassurance, he too could find peace.

When he looked at them, Patton knew he wanted to protect them.

And he had a plan.

Step one was to get them feeling a bit more secure. Remy had mentioned the pair weren’t eating, weren’t speaking, weren’t doing much of anything in their frightening new surroundings filled with uncertainty. And so Patton had talked gently to the other sick animals in the room, reassuring them, and carefully laying the groundwork for a conversation with the avians. And it seemed to have worked: while not exactly comfortable, they were able to pay attention to what he was saying.

Step two was to get them actually eating and looking after themselves. After what had seemed a gargantuan feat of bravery, Princey had managed to eat some chicken. Logan had stealthily wandered past a couple of hours later and had sighted Anxiety tackling a large piece of spinach, so there was hope that he too was now eating.

The next steps were to find a temporary home for them, work out some habitat enrichment to keep them entertained, and finally, to introduce enough human interaction to help them on their way to long-term psychological recovery and a forever home.

Patton had been picking at ‘creating a welcoming home for your avian’ and ‘cute toys for bird bois’ articles since he had got home. He put another round of notes in the haphazard googledoc he was compiling. He wanted to do the very best he could for them, but it was starting to get overwhelming.

-88888-

It was only 7:58, but Logan couldn’t wait the extra 2 minutes to text Patton tonight. His brain would not switch off from the events of the day, could not be swayed from the conundrum that was the animal rescue’s latest arrivals. He may be breaking his standard evening routine texting early, but tonight it was necessary.

Logie Bearry Jam: Good evening Patton, how was your dinner?

He sent the text, and picked up the blanket he was crocheting, trying to lose himself in the movement of the hook and the weaving of the wool until Patton replied back.

Pattoncakes: tofu and carrot stir fry with rice 🥕🍚😍🥰😇🍽️✨👻😽

Logan smiled internally at Patton's enthusiastic use of emojis. While in others the behaviour may have been grating, with Patton, it was just another outlet of the man’s effervescence.

Logie Bearry Jam: that sounds delicious. I had pasta with tomato sauce. I liked it.

These texts were a ritual, the same kind of message Logan sent every night. Peace washed into his veins.

Patton shot off a gif of the spaghetti scene from Lady and the tramp.

Pattoncakes: Spagooto🍝👨🍳sounds good! What are you up to tonight?

Logie Bearry Jam:: I am crocheting a blanket. How about you?

Pattoncakes: 🐥🐥💞🤕I have been reading a lil bit about our newest arrivals <3.

And there was the perfect opportunity to sway the conversation in the direction of his current worries. It was understandable that Patton would also be worrying about the same subject, and yet he suspected Patton knew he was worrying about the avians as well. Logan knew many people saw him as unfeeling. But Patton understood. He was good like that.

Logie Bearry Jam: I too have been thinking of the avains. Have you read anything interesting?

Patton sent a link to a google doc filled with links and notes.

Logan threw himself in.

For such delicate pets as humanoid avians, the information on how to look after them was muddied and mixed up, torn between the reality of what they were and what owners wished them to be. Dolls, children, highly-trainable, simple animals, held to the behavioural standards of adults, there was a mishmash of conflicting ideas.

Patton’s notes were in the early draft stage, filled with questions and ideas. He was not as focused on medical concerns Logan, instead choosing to consider a wide range of issues. He outlined every issue well, and had the therapeutic knowledge to challenge false behavioural information.

The document was beautiful.

Logan and Patton’s work rarely intertwined, and so it was rare that Logan got to see this side of the therapy worker. The side that was intelligent in his kindness, the thought process behind his ability to make people feel safe. Logan marveled anew at the incredible man his co-worker was, how capable, how eloquent...

What a joy to be a friend to a man like that.

Logan abandoned his crochet hook in preference of giving his laptop his full attention. They sent back and forth all manners of articles from owners tips to scientific studies. Taking in data, and weaving it into a usable care plan, evaluating all with a vets knowledge and a therapist’s experience.

They danced between information together, shifting through articles. It was so much more fun with Patton (metaphorically) by his side.

Logie Bearry Jam: Perhaps their enclosure can be moved to the vet’s office so that they can get used to humans coming and going, and so we can keep a close eye on them.

Pattoncakes: the vets office is pretty busy! Maybe once they settle a bit more. But right now i think that would be a bit scary

Pattoncakes: maybe the small animal room?

Logie Bearry Jam: It is the correct conditions in there for them.

Pattoncakes: aww and they can watch the bunnies playing!

Pattoncakes: I always find them fun to watch when i am sad

Logie Bearry Jam: Watching the rabbits would also be restful enrichment.

A gif of a happy rabbit running wildly around a room appeared on his screen, before swiftly being superseded by a barrage of twitching noses, floppy ears and bouncing bunnies.

Pattoncakes: i also like taking my laptop in sometimes for paperwork, so i can pop in for a lil lovin socialisation too

He smiled at the mental image of Patton camped out on the floor of the rabbit room, trying to focus on work while Ted Bunndey ate his notebooks. Logan sincerely doubted much work would be completed. But Patton did indeed make for the very finest socialisation.

Pattoncakes: aaaw there are so many cute toys on the market for Avian humanoids!

Pattoncakes: so expensive though

Pattoncakes: look at this!

He sent a photograph of some over-the-top prince outfit aimed at owners with more money than sense.

Pattoncakes: Princey would look so cute in this!

Pattoncakes: I don’t suppose it is the kind of thing the avians would actually enjoy though *a sticker with a confused looking pink bear*

Logie Bearry Jam: It is doubtful, though some do enjoy it the way many children enjoy imitating their parents. I believe it to be unsanitary at this stage in their recovery, but if they do express a wish to wear garments it is not unhealthy to do so.

Pattoncakes: you could crochet them matching jumpers! ;P

Logan and Patton wove a plan together. A shining roadmap, flexible but comprehensive. Something that accounted for their physical recovery and mental capabilities. Rules on how to treat them to build trust, further the concept that they were safe. Ways to let them confirm that they would not be touched without permission, that play did not warrant punishment, that there would always be food.

Their web of plans completed, Logan picked up his crochet hook and resumed working on his blanket, the weight gone from his chest. Their conversation pooled into its regular comfortable flow, chatting back and forth about their respective days at work and discussion of mundane things. It was with regret Logan initiated his goodnight messages and deployed his customary goodnight sticker of a sleepy light blue bear with glasses that reminded him a bit of Patton. Patton sent his customary bombardment of illogical stickers and gif which tonight included a pair of canaries hopping around a bowl of water, a dragon with hearts for eyes, and a psychedelic goat.

-88888-

In the recovery room of the Animal shelter’s vet clinic, Virgil sat holding a peanut.

The room was almost dark now, the only light the soft glow of a nightlight in the corner that had been left on for them..

He had eaten 6 peanuts, several spinach leaves, and 4 ½ cubes of glorious chicken.

Roman was asleep behind him, his own hunger sated. Opposite them, a pair of rabbits munched hay. The mewling cat had been returned to her owners. It was quiet in the vets now.

Cautiously, he touched his stomach over the bandages. It gurgled happily beneath his fingers.

Virgil smiled.

===

Aaaand the emojis have not worked for the second half of the fic. Oh well, imagine Patton as the emoji fiend he is.

masterlist next chapter

But Virgil eats a peanut! Yay XD This chapter is a lil shippy for you <3 Patton's texting is inspired by my girlfriend who is just the cutest emoji-wielding dork to walk the world. And while the fic will not focus much on romance, the carers deserve some soft times.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #whump #sanders whump #infinitesimal!sides #wingfic #animal abuse #animal neglect #food #just a little gay as a treat

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kinetic-elaboration · 4 years ago

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January 27: 2x04 Mirror Mirror

Had some technical difficulties but finally managed to watch Mirror Mirror. (Now I’m very tired.)

I see these aliens are more intense pacifists than Spock.

When Kirk says “But we won’t [force you], consider that,” right over his shoulder and into camera, it looks like he’s posing for a commercial.

Ah ha, the Classic Transporter Accident. (Aka how that became a classic trope lol.)

I love that they zero in on Spock’s beard first thing, like that’s the weirdest part of this universe.

Oh no, the agonizer!

So my big question is: do all the ISS Captains wear that gold vest or is it a Kirk thing? I just find it very funny that the men in the mirrorverse wear about the same amount of clothing as in the regular universe, and the ladies wear a lot less...and then there’s Kirk, conspicuously showing off his arms. Vests are NOT regulation!

When does he get a chance to record his log? And wouldn’t it be... recorded in the mirrorverse?

Kirk’s salute is hilarious. Uh, yeah, salute and wave, I guess??

He’s really focused on Spock. “Another ship. Another Spock.”

Kirk’s patented reassuring upper arm grab.

Uhura on the bridge! You can’t tell she’s nervous because she’s brave and strong.

This episode, and to a lesser extent The Naked Time, are why I think Sulu has a thing for her. I know it’s a different universe, but I still think it’s true.

Kirk’s salute is getting better. More confident.

He just doesn’t know how to be evil. He’s too good, too pure.

Hmmm, Security Chief Sulu? He really does have a lot of interests.

I wonder what Vulcan is like in this universe. They are still clearly post-Reform. But more ruthless. Scarier. Probably meat eaters.

Damn little Chekov. Just waiting for his chance to mutiny.

Security Chief, like the Gestapo. Did not know that was what the reference was supposed to be.

Hmm, male computer voice. This MUST be an evil universe.

“I’m a doctor, not an engineer.”

Evil Kirk strikes again! Honestly, this scene of the ISS crew on the regular Enterprise might be my favorite in the whole ep. Yet again obsessed with Spock’s facial hair. And Spock is obviously just loving it. “I find it extremely interesting.”

I think Kirk and Spock BOTH know what would buy Spock.

“I should regret your death.” I mean that’s basically a love confession. I love how they depict the K and S relationship in the mirrorverse. The subtle ways in which they’re still a team.

Spock would absolutely have killed Chekov for trying to kill Kirk.

I find evil!Spock the most convincing of all of this universe. I think he simultaneously feels true to the original character, and is also obviously of this universe, and that’s a pretty impressive feat.

“Terror must be maintained or the Empire is doomed.” Print that on a t-shirt.

“Conquest is easy. Control is not.” A lot of the mirror verse is over the top cartoony villainy but this is a very good point, and this scene in general is super interesting and subtle.

Kirk is so tunred on by that conversation with Spock. Like even in these circumstances, he still looks at Spock like he’s in love.

Hmmm, I like Marlena.

Of course evil!Kirk has an on-ship girlfriend, which good!Kirk would never do.

Evil!Spock is still very loyal, so much for all that “I would be a formidable enemy” stuff lol. “You’ll never find another man like him.” Too true.

Of course there’s some plundered alien tech plot device. I actually think that’s an interesting twist in a way... of course the ISS wouldn’t care about stealing, and so some...interesting artifacts might find their way onto starships.

Spock is upset he wasn’t included in this landing party meeting.

Hmmm, Sulu already wants to be Captain.

WHAT? SPOCK HAS OPERATIVES? VULCAN OPERATIVES? WHO ARE THEY? I MUST KNOW MORE. (Is one of them T’Pring?)

Marlena’s Starfleet uniform was hotter than this...paisley nightgown thing.

She’s so dramatic. Kirk is busy one time and she’s like well! I guess we’re over! Transfer me to another ship!

Another Captain Kirk arm grab moment.

I love how literally no one was surprised by that Uhura and Sulu moment on the bridge. “I’ve changed my mind again whoops.”

I can’t believe getting kicked once and then knocked on the head would almost kill Spock lol--seems like probably he might just have a concussion?--but I do like the concept of McCoy risking being left behind to help him. (And Kirk signing off on it because duh.) McCoy is just so good hearted.

Captain Sulu strikes again. Everyone has their own agenda lol. So many obstacles when everyone’s just out for himself.

Haha well that solved that. Zap zap zap and they’re gone.

As suspected, Spock recovered pretty fast. And he goes straight for the mind meld, obviously. That does seem pretty evil of him.

And another obstacle lol. I like that Kirk says Marlena can’t come with them because they can only bring 4 people because of the Calculations, even though... like surely he should already be able to guess there’s another Marlena in his universe and she can’t exactly replace a person who already exists? That would be bad.

Damn Uhura, saving the day again and looking damn fine doing it.

“I must have my Captain back.” Not even subtle about it. He MUST.

The Empire is illogical because it cannot endure.

Is Kirk literally asking this Spock to overthrow his other self and become Captain?

Also...is Marlena going to attach herself to the new Captain?? What does she think of all this?

This is probably one of the best end-of-episode bridge banter scenes in the series. “If I read my Spocks correctly.” Spock is a bit of a pirate. (I think Sarek would agree.) Spock loving the evil humans. Being jealous of Marlena. Kirk probably wondering how Mirror!Kirk and his Spock got along.

I think this is a really great episode, obviously, and I liked all of the intrigue. I thought the double, triple, quadruple crossing was really well plotted. Marlena is one of the better Love Interests and I thought she was really compelling. I LOVED Mirror Spock, and the general characterization of and subtleties to both Spocks. Mirror Sulu was interesting (what does he say about real Sulu I wonder?) and of course we got great Uhura moments and a good Bones moment too. I thought Kirk was interesting in this ep also, not quite confronting his evil side like in The Enemy Within, but...well I do think that was a part of him, the inferred characterization of mirror!Kirk, ambitious, single-minded--”inflexible, disciplined once you’ve made up your mind”--isn’t so outrageous or hard to understand.

I think the weakness of the ep is in the Mirror verse itself. It’s always struck me as a bit too cartoon-villain-y, painted in too broad strokes. Everyone wants to use violence to gain power. If deaths are so common, how has anyone survived this long lol? They allude to this sometimes--Spock not wanting command because it makes him a target, Kirk telling Spock the Empire is wasteful and ultimately unsustainable and thus illogical--but that just invites scrutiny under which the premise doesn’t hold. Imo, an organization like the Empire could never have lasted as long as or become as powerful as the Federation. As Kirk says, control is harder than conquest. I’m not even sure that all of the planets of the Federation could have come together in an Empire, and any allegiance would be very unstable. In other words, I don’t think “the Federation but make it evil” is even a sustainable premise.

Also, while people surely do crave power for the sake of power, I... tend to need a little more in my villainous characterization. Like, when I see that kind of villain, I always think of Price in Mr. Robot: “Every room I’m in, I ask myself ‘am I the most powerful person here?’ and I don’t stop until the answer is always yes.” That really is the core of him--and yet he’s still a subtle villain. That’s kind of the standard for me, I think. To put it another way, maybe the core of all villainy is just lust for power (and/or money) and maybe the best way to get power is brute strength, but the manifestations of evil are usually more subtle: some people who just want power, some people who have more narrow goals and can’t see the whole, many people who have been manipulated, and then just human ills like laziness, ineptitude, selfishness, short-sightedness. Only the most blunt of those traits and instruments really made it into the Mirror verse.

I would have liked to see the mirrorverse be more like... the mob.

...But it is only a 50 minute episode lmao.

Anyway, I find it very interesting that mirror!Spock has Vulcan operatives. His personal security guard is Vulcan, and taking these facts together, I think it’s safe to say that there are more Vulcan officers and enlisted on the ISS Enterprise than USS Enterprise. I’m not sure what to do with that but I find it very interesting. Is he more powerful on Vulcan? Is he more attuned to his Vulcan side? Are Vulcans more impressed with or deferential to him?

Anyway I am exhausted rn and I still have two more days this week so... off to bed. Next week’s ep is The Classic, The Apple.

#the year 2021 #2021: fandom thoughts #2021: star trek #star trek tos

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hellzyeahwebwielingessays · 5 years ago

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The Not-So-Amazing Mary Jane Part 3: The Birth of Mysterio

Previous Part

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Master Post

Before we dive into specifics of Amazing Mary Jane, there is a large chunk of context we need to establish about Mysterio’s history. Specifically who he is and some of the crimes he’s committed over the years. I will generally be emphasising stuff that Mary Jane would likely or definitely be aware of; or at least could easily learn about with a little research. This is important to bear in mind when we look at MJ’s attitude to Beck in AMJ.

For starters, let’s consider how and why Beck ventured into a life of crime in the first place.

Life before Mysterio

Quentin Beck before he became a criminal had a college education to some extent and had major technical and chemical skills at his disposal. He became an accomplished special effects artists and stuntman and had regular employment. Long story short, he got bored and after failing to transition into acting (though he obviously had some acting talent) he was inspired to get involved with costume villainy.

Due to retcons in BND, it was established that he went back to work in Hollywood. However, he later got blacklisted when one of his effects injured someone. As originally presented and intended though, he basically turned to villainy out of boredom and frustration.

After being blacklisted Beck undertook his first major campaign against Spider-Man, whom (due to other retcons) he resented for foiling some of his crimes during his first foray into villainy.

Whether you look at him as originally presented or in the wake of all these retcons it’s clear that Beck didn’t get pushed into crime. It was a pure ego trip for him. Even with the retcon in mind realistically his skills and intelligence would garner him legitimate work elsewhere. In fact in the ‘Guardian Devil’ arc of Daredevil it’s established he was instrumental in developing certain technologies and processes that made advances in film making possible.

In short Quentin Beck became a criminal because he LIKED it. He is 100% not a tragic figure like the Lizard. He is not someone who’s environment made it difficult for him to be anything but a criminal, as is often the case for people in poverty stricken parts of the world. He wasn’t even someone like Doc Ock or Norman Osborn whose minds were (arguably) inadvertently affected by some kind of extenuating circumstance. Nor is he someone diagnosed with some kind of anti-social personality disorder like Cletus Kasady or Eddie Brock.

Regardless of whether you feel such mental conditions mitigate those villains, my point is Beck DEFINIETLY cannot be excused for his choice of becoming a criminal.

Virtually every crime he ever committed were the actions of a sane, rationale and intelligent person who happened to also be selfish, egotistical, greedy and often nasty. Maybe not nasty the way Carnage or the Green Goblin are, but nasty nevertheless.

I’m saying he’s not just ‘a villain’ but also an outright bad person.

And he’s been a bad person since basically the start of Spider-Man’s superhero career. That’s anywhere from 10-25 years, depending upon whose math you want to use.

The 1960s: Making an Entrance

Were we to take retcons into account, Mysterio’s first crime was his involvement with the Tinkerer way back in ASM #2, circa 1964! This was literally the fifth ever Spider-Man story to be created.

However, retcons not withstanding Mysterio’s first major crime was impersonating and framing Spider-Man, back in ASM #13.

He then went on to bill himself as a hero and defeated Spider-Man.

These events were a huge news story at the time and thus it’s not unbelievable that MJ would know about them via osmosis. Granted, there is leeway on that because MJ was not living in NYC at this time but she was making sporadic trips there and had taken a casual interest in Spider-Man’s adventures; this was partially because she knew Peter was Spider-Man.

However, one would imagine that it’d likely come up in conversation with Peter over the years given how this was his first (known) encounter with Mysterio and MJ was present for several consequent ones. It’d also be believable given that it’s just common sense for Peter to inform MJ of any enemies who could possibly impersonate him. Forewarned is forearmed (as arguably Gwen’s death proved) so knowing about Mysterio could help MJ ensure the safety of herself and her loved ones; for example MJ’s Aunt Anna and cousin Kristy.

Furthermore it is important to note that Mysterio’s very first major solo effort was a form of identity theft (there is probably a more accurate descriptor but I don’t know of one). The crime was intentionally designed so that he could build up his own reputation off the back of someone else’s. Does this perhaps remind you of another time Mysterio might’ve tried to selfishly benefit at the expense of another person’s reputation, not caring if he damaged it along the way? Like for example any female-led comic books released in 2019 for example?

The next time Mysterio duelled Spidey he used highly convincing robot duplicates of the (3 of the original 5) X-Men.

So, Mysterio is an expert in robotics and can create loyal and dangerous robotic servants. These robots can also trick people into thinking they are a real person, including Mysterio himself. Thus it’s very possible for Beck to convince someone he’s in one place when he’s actually in another, or alternatively get his robots to do something on his behalf when he’s otherwise indisposed.

Mary Jane 100% knows about these robot duplicates because versions of them (plus Iceman and Jean Grey) appear in Amazing Mary Jane #1.

It would suuuuuuuuure be illogical for MJ to just presume Mysterio would definitely NEVER misuse such robots for any nefarious schemes, or use them to slip under the noses of the press monitoring the movie. Or if he or his crew maybe used them to violate/evade justice somehow…

Also, just for the record, Mysterio was potentially risking damaging the reputation of the X-Men/mutants in general by creating duplicates of them. Yet another example of Mysterio is selfishly cavalier with someone else’s reputation.

Arguably (because I’m not an X-Men expert) this was especially awful because of how the general public already hated and feared mutants, who were of course chiefly allegorical to African Americans back in the 1960s. In this sense Mysterio could be viewed as exploiting societal bigotry or at least caring so little about it he doesn’t realise he’s potentially going to make it far worse. *

Mysterio’s third major encounter with Spidey was in a lot of ways one of his most twisted efforts.

His plan was to learn Spider-Man’s identity by convincing him that he was mentally ill…yeah��

Posing as psychiatrist Doctor Ludwig Rinehart, he convinced Jameson to publish an article claiming Spider-Man was heading for a major mental breakdown.

To make this more convincing he used his illusions to make Spider-Man believe he was seeing things that weren’t really there. His efforts bore fruit as Peter genuinely began to doubt his own sanity.

Beck’s endgame was for Spider-Man to seek out treatment from ‘Rinehart’ and in his vulnerable state divulge his secret identity. It was only through Jameson’s inadvertent intervention that Peter’s secret (and loved ones) remained safe.

I’m not suggesting Mary Jane necessarily knows about this incident; though it’s possible Peter told her. It’s more relevant because it illustrates what a twisted person Mysterio is to try and get to Spider-Man in such a way. It also illustrates the distress his illusionary skills can cause to people, both mentally and emotionally. This is a fact that Mary Jane need not have studied psychology to grasp; it’s just common sense. She knows Mysterio’s M.O. is tricking people into believing things that aren’t real and she’d know how believing something uncomfortable or frightening (even if it isn’t real) can be a dangerous and unhealthy thing. Her friend Harry Osborn had mental health problems that caused him to believe things that weren’t true and (for a time anyway) it destroyed him and harmed his family.

If you still think this is a concept MJ wouldn’t have grasped, then Mysterio’s next exploit would’ve likely convinced her.

During the course of Webspinners: Tales of Spider-Man #1-2 Mysterio intentionally attacked the mind of MJ’s acquaintance J. Jonah Jameson. He did this by tricking Jonah into believing he’d been killed and gone to Hell. Simultaneously he also framed Spidey for Jameson’s alleged murder.

Events from this story formed part of the screenplay for Mysterio’s biopic. Proof of this can be found in ASM v5 #29 wherein Peter and MJ are rehearsing Mysterio’s script and the dialogue is almost verbatim from the Webspinners story in question.

As such it is very possible that MJ would know about what Beck did to Jameson. One would imagine Peter would at least tell her about that in the course of rehearsing with her.

We are skipping ahead a bit, but another instance of Mysterio using his illusions to cause terror can be found in ASM #66. In the issue he hijacks TV airwaves and essentially delivers a terrorist message to the city at large. He depicts scenes of New York decimated and threatens to make them a reality unless Spidey confronts him. The incident upsets Aunt May (a woman with an underlying heart condition) and realistically would’ve distressed other people too. This might’ve included MJ’s Aunt Anna who was living with May at the time.

Given the public nature of this broadcast and the distress it caused Aunt Anna’s roommate, the chances are MJ would be aware of it. Even if she failed to catch it initially she’d have heard about it via sheer osmosis.

Even if you disagree, it’s yet another example of Mysterio selfishly and callously causing distress to people for his own ends. If one buys into Marvel’s sliding timescale these events also pack more of a punch since they would've happened post 9/11.

The 1970s: Scamming Seniors

We’re skipping ahead again all the way into the 1970s.

In ASM #141 Betty Brant and Ned Leeds inform Peter that Mysterio died a year earlier in prison. This horrifies Peter because he fought Mysterio earlier that very night.

This was public knowledge meaning there is a chance MJ would’ve heard about it in the news. But even if it wasn’t widely reported or if she just missed it, she’d have still likely heard about it. After all she was dating Peter at the time and was also very friendly with Betty (even serving as her Maid of Honour not too long after this). This is important to remember for the next section.

As it turns out he actually battled a new Mysterio, Danny Berkhart. Berkhart believed himself Beck’s friend and inherited some of his equipment after the latter’s death. He decided to take down Spider-Man out of respect for Beck.**

Much later it was revealed that Beck hadn’t really died, he’d merely used Berkhart to fake his own death. In the guise of Doctor Reinhardt he took over a nursing home. Consequently he swindled vulnerable elderly people out of their life savings, amassing almost $8 million. According to this inflation calculator, in 2019 that’d be about $40,780,313.20.

My, what a sympathetic individual…

This scheme snowballed into Beck faking Aunt May’s death on behalf of the burglar who killed Uncle Ben.

To be fair to him, The Burglar was threatening his life. However given Mysterio’s technology and intelligence it’s highly unbelievable that he couldn’t have taken the Burglar down if he wanted to. He does exactly this in ASM #198 once he’s learned the Burglar was after a fortune hidden in Aunt May’s old home, opting to seek out the fortune himself (see above).

It goes without saying how devastating it was for Peter and May’s friends (chiefly Aunt Anna) to believe she’d passed away.

It beguiles belief that, between MJ’s closeness to Peter, their mutual friends (like Harry and Flash), Aunt May and Aunt Anna, that MJ wouldn’t at some point have learned about May’s ‘death’. By extension she would’ve learned of the circumstances of it being faked and surely have been at least miffed about it! Thus she’d have deduced that Beck had faked his death, as she’d likely have heard about his alleged death in prison.

Even if MJ didn’t hear about any of this during the incident itself, considering that this was all a matter of public record and would’ve been reflected in May’s medical history MJ realistically would have learned about this at some point. This would especially be the case because May’s death was faked a further two times; and that was when MJ married to Peter.

After all, if it was public record that May’s death had been faked before then her consequent ‘death’ (it was actually an imposter) in ASM #400 would require a degree of verification that’d go beyond most patients.*** And it’s highly unlikely that Peter and MJ wouldn’t have been informed about this process. ; or that they themselves didn’t inform the doctors that they should triple check given May’s history. This is literally the reason the actress impersonating her in ASM #400 was specified as being ‘genetically altered’ so her DNA would read as Aunt May’s.

All this means that there is simply NO WAY MJ wouldn’t know Mysterio caused this kind of harm to two of the people she loved most in the world (Peter and May).

The 1980s: Old Tricks

We skip ahead again all the way into the 2010s, albeit an untold tale set circa the 1980s. In Symbiote Spider-Man #1 Mysterio’s attempts to rob a bank inadvertently led to an innocent woman (with kids no less) being shot and killed.

Now to be fair, this wasn’t intentional and he felt bad about it. But it wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t committed a crime in the first place. He also wasn’t exactly turning himself in due to remorse or giving up a life of crime. MJ might not have known about this but it’s the first time (to my recollection) Beck was involved with someone actually dying. So you know, he’s definitely a killer and is unwilling to face the consequences of his crime. Real sympathetic right?

I will admit this is something of a contentious example as this series doesn’t exactly fit into continuity and so could be arguably discounted. Nevertheless it definitely offers food for thought. An insight into how Mysterio likely would act under these circumstances.

Jumping back to the 1980s proper, in a much later encounter with Spidey Mysterio once again attacked Peter’s mind. This time he tricked him into believing that an innocent person had died on his watch.

MJ again definitely knew about this because a guilt-ridden Peter talked to her about it before he learned the truth. Later she tried to talk him out of his guilt ridden state.

I think I will leave it there for now. We’ll continue our look at Mysterio in the next post as we enter the 21st century.

*I’ve got no place for this in future instalments so I’ll just say put it here as an aside.

MJ to my recollection has no experience with the X-Men (sans Wolverine), but she is definitely no anti-mutant bigot. Wouldn’t it be logical for her to be wary or at least conscious about how Beck is playing with the optics of the X-Men/mutants in general in his vanity project?

Not to mention their inclusion I’d imagine would be in reference to ASM Annual #1 where he tried to use them to kill her boyfriend. She has no qualms about the guy responsible for that recreating that event on film in an effort to glorify him self?

On the other hand we don’t know exactly how they are being used in the movie so I’ll let that slide.

**Berkhart isn’t all that relevant at the moment but he will be in the next instalment, so bear him in mind.

***Alternatively one would imagine in a world where the fantastical is a matter of fact, death would be checked to a greater degree than practiced in real life.

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#Amazing Mary Jane #Mysterio #Quentin Beck #mjwatsonedit #mary jane watson #Mary Jane Watson Parker #Spider-Man #MJ Watson #peter parker #Symbiote Spider-Man #Betty Brant #Ned Leeds #Tinkerer #Brand New Day #Marvel #Marvel Comics

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theoneprecioustome · 5 years ago

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Aigis’s Development: some key moments

One of the things I love most about Aigis is how gradual her development is. Since her introduction in July, Aigis slowly becomes more and more human right before our eyes. It’s on December 30th that we’re told she has changed “from a machine to a human being”, however Aigis starts developing feelings for SEES and, specially, Makoto waaaaaay before that.

So, here’s a timeline with some of the key moments! All taken from The Journey, of course. But there are also interesting connections with the Drama CD, Arena and Persona Q.

I also posted a TL;DR version on Twitter, HERE.

JULY

Aigis "suddenly reactivates” the moment Leader steps foot in Yakushima, and we get told that: "A machine that was considered inoperable suddenly left the facility on its own."

Of course, this is because Aigis unknowingly sensed Death’s presence on the Island. However, Arena revisits this moment and adds another layer of meaning:

Labrys desired for her sisters to find happiness by meeting someone precious to them on that pier. The very same pier Aigis meets Makoto 10 years later.

When I was searching for someone, I found...myself naturally drawn there for some reason... My memories return to a certain encounter. That day... on that very same pier, I met him. My precious person... “Thank you, Labrys. It's because of you that...I found happiness...”

SEPTEMBER

This becomes even more relevant when we listen to Daylight, a Drama CD that takes place mid-September. In it, Aigis is visited by a “Mysterious Girl” and shows that at that point in time, she did not quite understand human emotions just yet. Specifically, she did not understand what “happiness” and having “someone dear” meant.

Aigis: I still don’t understand what this “happiness” is, however. Mysterious Girl: [...] Still, if “happiness” had a definite form… I guess it would be in meeting with someone very dear to you, maybe? Aigis: I don’t fully understand what “having something dear to me” means as well. Mysterious Girl: It seems that you don’t understand yet, but it’s just that you haven’t realized it yet. But that’s okay. Someday, you’ll definitely come to understand its meaning.

What’s interesting here is that this implies that Aigis was already happy and that she already had someone dear to her by mid-September, it’s just that she had not realized it nor fully understood it yet.

Which takes me to September 20, the night where Aigis sneaks into Makoto’s room to bring him a cold pillow and monitor his state, since he was down with a cold. In the game, we’re shown that Aigis decides to stay and watch him sleep despite realizing he’s pretty much recovered already. The Drama CD goes a step further and shows us her thoughts:

Obvious illogical actions, expressions ah, when I think of it, why do I want to keep a watch for a little longer? I have become illogical. Do humans possess scale separate than logical reasoning? Is that what a heart is?

If so, I will follow my heart today and keep a watch.

As you can see, even as early as September 20, Aigis’s heart was already developing. What’s more, the way Atlus chose to show it is quite interesting, because watching someone sleep is a classic trope for revealing that a character is falling for another.

“You know you love someone when you can spend the entire night [...] just watching them sleep.”

And I can’t help but mention Persona Q here, because it takes places during the week of the Typhoon, so right before Aigis realizes how illogical her actions can become when it comes to Makoto. And so, what do we see?

Aigis does not yet understand what “love” is, but after realizing that physical touch allows someone to “closely feel” another person’s existence (original wording in Japanese), Aigis tells him that she wants to “be able to closely feel” his existence. In other words, she wanted to be in physical contact with him and even looked sad at the thought of no longer holding his hand.

So it’s safe to assume that yes, by this point, Aigis was already starting to develop romantic feelings for Makoto.

OCTOBER

Our next important date is October, 9th. While Aigis does not seem to have any outward reaction to Shinjiro’s death, if you talk to her after class, you will see that Aigis is indeed affected by it and that she does not understand her own sadness.

“It is rational for students to concentrate on their exams rather than Shinjiro-san's death. However, for some unknown reason...”

Right then and there, we can see that yes, Aigis has definitely started to develop human emotions. She just did not understand nor realize them.

This is backed up by what Aigis tells you when you talk to her on October, 25. Turns out that Aigis prepared a training regime for Akihiko, who loved it. So, she tells you she was “so happy to have been of service to him."

So, by the end of October, Aigis has already displayed: sadness over losing a comrade, happiness over helping a friend and longing to stay close to a special someone.

What’s more, when Aigis starts going to school she sees no actual use for it. She just wants to be able to assure she’ll be in sync with SEES should an emergency arise. Yet, on October 31st, a thoughtful Aigis tells you that she hopes she’ll be able to keep coming to school even after defeating all the shadows.

NOVEMBER

Then, of course, we have the moment where Ikutsuki betrays SEES. Even while being controlled, Aigis hesitates when she hears Mitsuru begging her to stop. And then, she overrides Ikutsuki’s control by looking into Makoto’s eyes and remembering herself. This alone is big because it shows how much Aigis cares about Makoto and SEES.

But it becomes even more important because of how ashamed and apologetic she was about being controlled by Ikutsuki. This is the first time we see Aigis in such a state.

The range of emotions Aigis shows up to this point speaks for itself. And it leads us to what happens on November, 30th.

“However, I believe I understand the concept of loss...”

She did not understand it on October, when they lost Shinjiro. But she does understand it now. That alone is huge! It shows just how much she’s developed in that short window of time.

And of course, it also says a lot about her feelings for Makoto.

“I do not know why, but I always want to be by your side... I want to protect you.”

It’s easy to look at that quote and think that it’s all due to Death being sealed inside Makoto. Except Death was no longer inside him at that point. Ryoji was already out and about, and Aigis still considered Makoto to be special to her and wished to remain by his side.

And of course, I can’t leave out how Aigis willingly decides to sacrifice herself just to protect SEES’s feelings. Not even to ensure their safety, but to protect their hearts.

Aigis had already grown to deeply care for SEES and to harbor feelings for Makoto by this point, even before he faces Death once more and realizes she’s “afraid”.

JANUARY

What changes between this point and the point when you can actually start a Social Link with her, is Aigis’s level of awareness of her own development. And this is once again shown in the Drama CD, specifically Moonlight, which takes place in January:

Mysterious Girl: (giggles) You understand what it means to find something 'dear’ to you now, don’t you? Aigis: Ah…!

"Why... am I so powerless...? Can't I protect the one I cherish...?!“

This is why the S-Link with Aigis is not about making her develop feelings for Makoto. It’s about making her understand the nature of the feelings she already harbored for him.

But I digress! All in all, even without including the biggest date, December 30th, it’s really easy to see how Aigis’s heart grows throughout the game. The only one who doesn’t actually realize it, is herself ;-; and honestly, this is one of the reasons why her development is so good and heartwarming to watch unfold.

#aigis #persona 3 #p3 #aikoto #makoto yuuki #meta #games #p3 game #arena #pq #drama cd #not including december 30th because that goes without saying haha

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princesskairi · 6 years ago

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Potentially minor, nitpicky criticism to a small section of the Sleeping Realm Theory Doc. Note: This criticism has nothing to do with ship wars (at least that’s the intention!) as the doc has nothing to do with ship wars too.

This is referring to the doc’s analysis of the scene where Kairi and Sora reunite in the light tunnel under the section Riku is Light -> Light in the Darkness. Read more underneath.

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My biggest criticism in this analysis is how it presents Kairi and her importance to Sora in conjunction with Riku. This criticism also calls into question some of the claims used to debunk Kairi as being the light in the tunnel.

To start off, it’s not that I dislike the suggestion that Riku is the light in that scene, it’s that to then follow up and say that Kairi is off to the side then moves and “eclipses” that light from Sora’s view is risky framing whether intentional or not.

While it might not be the writers’ intentions, it’s dangerous to paint that scene that way without further warning/clarification as it can easily fall into the toxic rhetoric that Kairi is in the way of Sora’s realization about Riku (unfortunately, something that is not uncommon in fanon). It takes a scene that is largely meant to display Kairi’s strength and resolve to protect Sora and shifts its focal point to Sora’s thoughts about Riku, which I feel is rather unfair to one of Kairi’s few spotlights in KH3.

The light can very well be Riku’s in that scene (considering the whole “Riku! Answer me!” analysis), but to present Kairi as “eclipsing” that light, leading readers to pick up a double meaning, and then to say that it is never Sora himself that figures she is his light severely downplays Kairi’s real significance to Sora and how he views her. If it is the case that Nomura intended to have double meaning in Kairi eclipsing the light and mislead the audience to think that she is the light by having Sora claim that she is, then of course my anger would be directed towards him alone.

The part where the writers bring up a screenshot of Namine telling Sora that Kairi’s his light to emphasize that Sora does not figure it out himself is out of fair play. It’s taken out of context. Namine explicitly tells Sora that because she’s been messing with his memories up to that point. She guides and allows Sora to remember for himself that important connection before putting him to sleep to fix his faulty memories. Even if Namine doesn’t tell Sora that, there is no doubt Sora believes it himself. In fact, Sora has already since equated Kairi to light in KH1 (before Namine reinforces it to him) in his speech with Kairi in Traverse Town. He tells Kairi that it was her voice that saved him from the darkness. When Kairi responds that she didn’t want to forget about him, it is Sora that goes “That’s it! Our hearts are connected and the light from our hearts broke through the darkness. I saw that light.” With the prior context, that’s basically Sora figuring out for himself that “that light” was Kairi’s and the same concepts can be applied to reach and save Riku too. Also, Sora does explicitly conclude on his own in KH3 to Kairi that, “The light in the darkness. It is you”. It’s strange why the narrative that Sora is being misled to think Kairi’s his light (i.e. simply told by others) has to be included to further emphasize the idea that Riku is Sora’s light (esp. when there’s plenty of evidence that Riku is Sora’s light without needing to reevaluate Kairi-centric scenes and call to question Sora’s own revelations about her)?

————————–

Quote from the doc:

“And so ask yourself this, how is Kairi supposed to be following her own light back?”

Following the same logic, in KH1, how does Kairi, who at the time resides in Sora, also follow the light back to her flashback of her grandmother? Not only that, after her heart is restored to her own body, she tells Sora in Traverse Town, “A light at the end of the tunnel” to which he responds “Oh, your grandma's story right?” and she responds back, “That’s right, we were together”. This shows that Kairi too can in essence “follow her own light back” or at the very least experience that light from an outside perspective. But to leave it open, perhaps this ability is due to the weird oddities from her being in Sora’s body? Or a bolder take is that the light is actually Kairi’s grandmother’s light this entire time! lol! (I highly doubt that this was the intent but who knows! Unless past interviews/Ultimanias can shed some light.) In any case, before one can disprove Kairi being the light on this basis, one needs to also explain this contradiction (considering the doc makes a point that this kh1 scene is meant to be Kairi’s light).

Passage from the doc:

“And if this scene were truly meant to be taken at face value, why do we get these specific visions, inexplicably in the middle of it. Sudden visions of self sacrifice, both referred to as True Love and the reviving power it has. Except, neither Kairi or Sora had sacrificed themselves for just each other at this point, Sora tries to shield her (an act that read as surprisingly desperate and hopeless for the first sign of danger she faced, like he—his heart, remembered she was going to die in this battle no matter what) but Goofy blocked the attack and nothing came of it. And most importantly for all the danger she’s in, none of Kairi’s scenes read as self sacrificial, they read as resigned.”

As for the Disney visions, I do believe that the general takeaway was meant for Sora equating feelings of self-sacrifice, love, and care to his own situation. I do not believe it is exclusively meant for Riku and I do not believe that Kairi can not be equated to these scenes just on the merit that there is no direct self-sacrificial parallel of them in KH3 up to that point. One can argue that even if Goofy came to protect them, that doesn’t lessen the impact that Sora was ready to sacrifice his own danger for Kairi.

In any case, if self-sacrifice is a needed component to link these Disney scenes to someone then Kairi and Sora also have their share as do Sora and Riku. In KH1, Sora sacrifices himself to revive Kairi because of his love for her like how Eugene sacrifices himself for Rapunzel and Anna sacrifices herself for Elsa. Elsa and Rapunzel bring Anna and Eugene back due to their love for them. Same thing happens on Kairi’s end. While Kairi is made of pure light and has no immediate danger in getting pummeled by heartless when she hugs heartless Sora, she herself doesn’t know that she wouldn’t be in danger. That scene could be still interpreted as sacrificial to an extent. Kairi sacrifices her own danger to revive Sora with the power of her light and love for him. Same with Riku, he’s sacrificed himself plenty times for Sora out of his love for him throughout the franchise. These actions are still seen as sacrificial in nature despite Riku not actually dying at the end of it. Riku’s sacrifice (i.e. demon tide) is more recent, so these visions may better equate to Riku esp. with Sora remembering Riku when talking to Anna and others, but considering that this scene is about Sora and Kairi reuniting and Sora showing gratitude towards Kairi, it’s not fair to write Kairi off as not a trigger for these Disney scenes as well.

“This light, that Sora assumes is Kairi, but which she never confirms or denies, a light that led him to Riku’s heart originally. This light begins showing him these scenes of self sacrifice, and Sora makes a confused, jerking motion. And in reaction, Kairi is also confused. Which is weird considering if she’s the light, she would be the one showing him these visions in the first place, right?“

This isn’t quite a fair take. It’s impossible for Kairi to show these visions to Sora as she was not present when those scenes occurred. The same logic should apply to Riku. He was not present when those scenes occurred; he would not be able to show these visions either. So what gives? I don’t believe these visions are being shown to Sora rather Sora is literally remembering these scenes himself and equating them to what he feels right now in his own situation. He jerks up, which causes Kairi to be confused bc she simply can’t know what’s up with Sora’s reaction even if she is able to somehow show these visions herself. She checks to see if Sora’s okay and when she sees that he is, she states, “I told you Sora. You’re safe with me”.

If what was really meant was that “Riku is the light in the tunnel -> Riku’s light embodies Riku’s self sacrifice, which in turn causes Sora to connect it with his own memories in the Disney worlds” then that’s a different thing and totally valid but was not presented that way in the doc. I also feel that Sora isn’t confused rather in a state of realization and coming back to reality after these visions, which explains why he’s a bit shaken up/disoriented at first with his “Ooh”. Regardless of whose light it is, I firmly believe it is Sora making these connections for himself and not the light showing them for him. Bc of this interpretation, the theory that “Kairi is the light” or “Riku is the light” is not necessarily disproven or illogical on the basis that neither one has been there to experience these Disney scenes. This is different from when the light shows Kairi’s Radiant Garden memories to Sora and is not a perfect parallel but does not need to be.

All in all, Riku’s love for Sora is integral to understand the sacrifices made to facilitate the “drops” and bring everyone to a new worldline, but I personally feel that this specific analysis of Kairi and Sora’s scene does not need to be presented in a way that makes Kairi seem like a misleading device for both Sora and the audience to realize Riku’s love/light. There is no need to disregard Kairi and Sora’s potential connection with the Disney scenes rather than simply show that these scenes are strongly attributed to Riku. There is no need to treat Sora as if he cannot or doesn’t accurately conclude what light means for himself.

I hope my criticism for this specific section does not come off as mean-spirited and I do not want this to be a playground to incite s/hipping wars either bc it’s not even about ships. To make it extremely clear, my criticism does not have to do with ships NOR do I think the theory doc is trying to force a ship onto people either. The word “love” can be interpreted however way you want: romantic, platonic, whatever. I do think that the writers were a bit too quick to dismiss Kairi as the light in this scene and that there was an over emphasis towards Riku in a scene meant to establish Kairi’s importance and I wanted to address that. If it is misreading on my part, feel free to discuss! I don’t want to put words into other people’s mouths. I am open to critique too. This one criticism doesn’t negate all the other interesting insights the doc makes. The doc as a whole is an interesting read and I offer nothing but support and thanks to those involved in the process.

And who knows, maybe Nomura will come out and confirm that this portion of the doc is right! Then jokes on me but until then, I believe this criticism holds fair.

#long post #kh3 spoilers #kairi #sleeping realm theory #i spent forever trying to rephrase this critique to be as fair as possible #if there's something that strikes anyone as unfair please let me know

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sandersspectrum · 5 years ago

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Which Side is Most Likely to Go Dark - Analysis

We’ve all heard the story - The hero, disheartened by his failures or seduced by the wins of the villain, leaves their life of honor and instead joins the morally-corrupt side, leaving behind their friends who must then fight to get them back. It’s not an uncommon plot, and it’s a favorite one of mine to theorize over. So the question is, if Thomas was to decide to take the plot in this direction, which side would he choose?

When I first started this analysis, I set off with two main suspects. But as I dug deeper, I ran across a unique phenomenon that throws a wrench into pretty much any Sanders Sides analysis... The characters aren’t just characters, they’re representations of experiences and mental states, and therefore their character arcs will tie back into what they represent. As an example, we see a beat in Patton’s story that he holds a morally high standard to those around him, including Thomas, to a level that can be harmful to Thomas’s mental state. This isn’t a beat that I would normally expect to see in a character who is as bright and accepting as Patton normally is, but it is a beat I would expect to see from a character that represents the concept of “morality”, of being a good person and having good values and purity. Therefore, analyzing them the way I would a normal character is doing a disservice to the concept of the show, so I started over, and I found an unlikely angle on this analysis - they’re all likely suspects, but for different reasons. Let me explain.

Logan - The Characterization Angle

From the point of view of a character build, Logan is yards beyond any of the others in his natural pull towards The Dark Side. As a core part of his character, Logan rejects the notion of emotion and sentiment, and this leads him to very often being harsh or dismissive towards the other sides’ issues, including Thomas’s. This already gives him a darker tone as a base; he’s willing to ignore important parts of Thomas simply for the Most Efficient Path, and this could even be true from day one. Logan doesn’t need a character arc to convince him to be a dark side - Logic, if too heavily relied upon, could easily have been a dark side from day one. All he needed was Patton to be a little less vocal and just like that he’s the side suppressing the others in the name of Productivity. However, Logan has another, directly contradicting trait that gives makes a dark side twist a possibility: He doesn’t only dismiss others emotions, he dismisses his own.

In Learning New Things About Ourselves, we see Logan lash out in anger. Roman calls his need to always state “literal” or “figurative” stupid, and Logan screams and throws a wad of paper at him. The other sides seem slightly concerned, but Logan himself seems taken completely aback, as if the reaction was so far out of the realm of possibility that he wouldn’t have considered himself capable of it until he did it, which very much reflects what we see from Logan throughout the series. He’s consistently denying that he experiences any emotion, saying that he is “fearless, therefore powerful” in Phases and flat out that he “doesn’t feel anything” in Selflessness vs. Selfishness. However, both of these occurrences are pointed up in universe, first with skepticism from Thomas and then with patronizing reassurance from Deceit, to be untrue. This could foreshadow a huge twist in Logan’s character, one where Deceit reveals to Logan that he’s been lying to himself this whole time and Logan is, in fact, suppressing a lot of Thomas’s “negative” reactions by claiming that they’re irrational. In much a similar way to Remus, however, ignoring Anger doesn’t make it go away, and it’s possible that in devastation that logic can’t get rid of these irrational feelings, Logan becomes consumed by these emotions and turns evil in that manner. Instead of being the voice of reason for the group, he becomes aggressive and emotional, forcing the other sides to be the level-headed ones for once and encouraging him to stop trying to paint anger as a Bad Thing that only Illogical People experience and instead accepting it as a natural part of human nature, a feeling that All People Have and there are Healthy, Logical ways to deal with it. Of course, this could also be something that is explored through the side that contrasts Logan - Anger would certainly be a good fit for the color Orange, don’t you think?

As it stands, Logan is probably the most likely side to go dark from just Character Arcs alone. However, he’s not the side who is most likely to go dark from a storytelling perspective.

Roman - The Story Angle

At the core of who Roman is, he is a Fairytale Hero. He almost has his own world he lives in where he’s a prince and his brother is an evil duke, he fights Dragon Witches and has a Sworn Duty to one day raise Thomas up to the status he deserves in this world. And this fact makes the concept that if Roman were to turn dark it would be almost Cinematic in nature so, so sweet. Unlike Logan, Roman’s fall from grace would be just that - a fall. Instead of being shown the darkness in him all along, Roman would have to be broken to be pulled to the dark side. Deceit would finally have to wear him down, convince him that being Honest and Honorable isn’t how the world works, and that no one has ever become famous by being honest. It would be one of the hardest falls for the character themselves to handle as well. Roman’s personality has always been easily wrapped up in the fact that he’s idealistic. He lives in a world of Heroes and Villains, where people are Good and Evil, and while Deceit is a master of exploiting this weakness by twisting words and stringing Roman along on lines of compliments and subtle jabs, Patton is also very good at using this to keep Roman on the straight and narrow. It would take a pretty big setback for Roman to lose his faith. But... They’re certainly not moving away from that direction in the story, are they?

Let’s look at some of Roman’s story beats so far, shall we? Firstly, his pride is wounded by messing up during an audition to the point of not being able to show his face in a video. Secondly, the side that represents what he considers “the one big thing that gets in the way” of his job is suddenly starting to be listened to, heeded, worked with. And while that’s a good thing, and Virgil stops being a massive stumbling block and instead just a voice of caution, it certainly can’t help Roman’s pride much. Thirdly, Roman is consistently shut down and berated for his desire to rekindle an old romance of Thomas’s, then soon after he’s knocked down by Logan calling him delusional and unrealistic, then THE NEXT EPISODE Logan gets recognition for a passion that Roman himself shares, and then two episodes after that Roman gives up on the biggest opportunity that Character Thomas has ever received and then spends the next episode out cold while his evil twin corrupts the very idea of creativity for Thomas. That’s... A lot, you guys. You can’t ignore that out of all the characters, Roman probably takes the roughest plot beats and throughout all of it he’s played for an upbeat, idealistic dreamer. But dreamers and hopers tend to be fragile, and I can’t imagine that Roman can take too much more of this until he cracks. And like I said, the character arc would be almost cinematic. Thomas’s creativity, the side that controls his livelihood and his passions and his drive, finally breaks under the pressure and gives up his naive and idealistic worldview in order to side with Deceit, saying that the only way Thomas will ever succeed is by sacrificing being “a good person” in order to accomplish. Maybe Thomas even goes in for this for a bit, and it works, but he finds that he hates life at the top if it means that he has to shut his empathy and hope down and become distrusting of everyone and deceitful.

So now we’ve covered the two sides that I started this analysis for... But what about Patton and Virgil? What about that Conceptual Factor I mentioned earlier? Well.

Patton and Virgil - The Concept Angle

Sanders Sides is a story about emotions, about understanding aspects of personalities. These aspects themselves can’t be treated like normal characters, because they’re not really people. They’re representations of metaphysical ideas, and that brings its own ideas to consider, the first idea being that what Patton and Virgil represent would both be served well by being represented in a dark light.

If you’ve been in the fandom for more than about a month, you’ve likely heard the phrase “unsympathetic Patton”. This is a headcanon/AU that centers around Patton being manipulative and controlling, although it can be extended much further than the story itself shows, what I found interesting about this view on Patton is that it’s actually a legitimate criticism of Patton as a character and even for what his basis is - Morality. You see, from almost the start of the series we see Patton holding Thomas to a high standard and throughout we see it continually damage Thomas. Heck, we even got in-universe confirmation through Remus that Patton freaks out whenever Thomas so much as considers something that Patton considers “morally unacceptable” that he’s willing to ignore and shut off entire sides of Thomas he doesn’t wish to acknowledge. This could be indicative that they’re planning on taking Patton’s character in a bit more of a darker direction, in fact one thing I’ve found interesting is that the other sides seem to be able to forcefully influence the others when they grow too strong such as Deceit keeping their mouths shut or Anxiety driving them to panic in his room, and we see Patton himself use this power on Roman a few times via stern glance that makes Roman immediately walk back whatever morally grey suggestion he makes. In the narrative Patton’s intentions are good, he wants Thomas to be A Good Person, but the lesson that viewing your understanding of morality as hard and fast rules and any deviation from it automatically makes you Bad can be severely damaging. It’s a lesson that isn’t represented much in fiction and I honestly think Patton could be a good conduit for exploring that.

However... there is a huge negative that I feel necessary to address with that analysis and it’s that turning Patton, even temporarily, into a dark side would be a massive base breaker. A Base Breaker is a character or an event that is so controversial to an established fanbase that it ends up driving away some of the fans, and I honestly believe that this would break the base of the Sanders Sides fandom. See, the fandom is made up of a decently diverse spread of personalities and the idea of Unsympathetic Patton is an established AU, but a good amount of Fanders consider Patton to be a character they can relate to or admire. He represents something warm and friendly, a father figure from day one who accepts Anxiety and encourages the sides to fight for what’s right and I honestly believe that taking him in a direction that is darker would corrupt that concept for a lot of fans and it would be a controversial move that would be hard to accept. I think that the best way to handle this story arc would be to keep it as a B-side arc, where it’s developed quietly through episodes like Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts where other sides take center stage and Patton merely acknowledges and learns from being too strict instead of turning him into the center of an arc and causing him to go Full Dark Side even if it is an important lesson.

Virgil’s a similar case - as a character, Virgil has already been redeemed once and it would make sense to keep his character as a reactionary character where he reacts to Deceit turning up and he interacts with the light sides based on his experiences as a dark side like he has been. However, Virgil represents Anxiety, and it would be a similarly important lesson to get across that recovery from anything, be it anxiety or depression or intrusive thoughts, isn’t a straight line. Accepting that you have anxiety isn’t always the end-all-be-all, and situations can catapult you right back into a state where anxiety might be working against you again and you need to deal with those issues.

This has the downside of the fact that it’s hard to have the same antagonist twice. It’s hard to redeem a character and have them relapse without making the audience tired and feel cheated. There’s some pretty decent groundwork laid out for it, such as the fact that Virgil was much more laid back as an antagonist and seems much more out of his element when he’s with the light sides as well as the others refusing to say the word “paranoid” as if Virgil has some sort of symbolic “final form” dark side, however much like Patton I’m not so sure that this is the direction Thomas and Friends will take this series, although less because it would be a controversial move and more that it would just be a little bit harder to pull off from a storytelling perspective than, say, Roman.

Your TL;DR is that all the sides hav e a possibility to go dark, although my personal favorite would be finally seeing Roman break and turn evil. Of course, it’s entirely possible that none of the sides will “go dark”, after all we have a perfectly presentable sympathetic antagonist in Deceit and there’s still the possibility of one or more sides cropping up in the future, this is simply just a fun analysis about some possible directions the series could take. However, if you can think of any more fun reasons the sides might go dark, leave them in the notes or send me an ask! For now, take it easy, fanders, see you next time! ^_^

#Sanders sides #thomas sanders #sanders sides theory #sanders sides analysis #yellow post #indigo post #wHOO FIRST INDIGO POST IS UP HECK YEAH!!!

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sandersstudies · 6 years ago

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Quirky - Chapter 2

A High School Superhero AU - Sanders Sides

(US Boku No Hero Academia AU - Find more in my “studywritesstuff” tag :)

Chapter Three ->

<- Chapter One

Warning: Contains mild violence and swearing, contains bullying

Spending the morning in Literature and Mathematics rather than running around outdoors was refreshing. Logan had put in a request to be moved up a grade in Mathematics class, as he’d looked ahead in the syllabus, and recognized the concepts for the year as material he’d already mastered. Unfortunately, the teachers were taking time to work out the logistics involved, and Logan was still in first-year math, the last class before Foundational Hero Studies.

“We’re one day in and I’m already lost,” Virgil muttered as students put away their Algebra books.

“I can help you, if needed,” Logan said. He thought about adding that he planned to move up one class, but refrained for fear of looking like he was bragging. Considering Virgil;s reaction to Roman the previous day, it was reasonable to suspect that he did not appreciate people with overgrown senses of pride.

“That might really help, thanks Logan,” Virgil said.

“You’re welcome.”

“Hello, class,” Mr. Sanders said, sitting at the desk. “For those of you who don’t know, I’ll be teaching your course in Foundational Hero Studies as well as serving as homeroom teacher.”

A student raised his hand.

“Yes, Dominic?”

“Can we see your replication quirk?”

“Only if it’s necessary for educational purposes,” Mr. Sanders said, smiling though his tone was serious. “All of you should try not make a habit out of using your quirks to show off. They’re tools to be used in your professional work, not party tricks.”

Virgil was staring pointedly at Roman, who raised his hand.

“Yes, Roman.”

“Isn’t publicity and endorsement an important part of hero work, sir?”

“Sure, but that’s not something you guys should be worrying about as first-year students. UA’s hero program focuses on developing and controlling your skills, not getting you TV commercial spots.”

Roman accepted this answer with a nod, but his brow was furrowed.

“We will be performing a group exercise today,” Mr. Sanders went on. “Now that you’ve had a chance to use your quirks for individual exercises, you’ll be able to use them in a team.” He clasped his hands together, as if imitating cooperation.

A few kids whispered eagerly, or pointed at one another across the room, and Mr. Sanders held up one hand. “I’ll be choosing the teams.”

There were scattered groans.

“Here’s some news you may appreciate,” he said, standing. “Today you will get the first opportunity to wear the costumes you designed.” Several students cheered out loud. Upon admission to UA, hero students had sent in suggestions to the UA support team, which would create a hero costume based on the designs. Costumes were meant to enhance a hero’s skills in the field in addition to being flashy, and were just as critical to a hero’s success as a powerful quirk.

Logan had constructed his own design with all the logic he could muster. He had researched fabrics that were breathable and easy to move in, but he felt he lacked the certain “pizzaz” in design that many heroes used to build their brand. No matter; skill and use were the main things, not showiness.

“Get changed, and meet me on the western field,” Mr. Sanders said. “That’s where your entrance exams were held.”

“Stuff sure moves fast here,” Virgil commented, but was almost drowned out by the excited voices around them.

“I agree,” Logan said. “But perhaps that is beneficial. The life of a professional hero can become busy, and snap decision-making and adaptability are critical skills.”

As they reached the locker room, they found their costumes labeled with their names. Logan held his up in front of him. It followed his design almost exactly. He’d chosen a black and white color palette with clean lines and no flashy logo. The main piece was a loose and athletic bodysuit, white with black stripes along the seams. There was also a slim jacket, black with white stripes along the seams, that pulled over easily for cold weather. He had no helmet or headgear, except a clear visor for rain visibility which clipped to the inside of his jacket when not in use.

“No flair for the dramatic, Logan?” Virgil asked. Logan turned around. Virgil was in all black clothing, including a cape and a fabric mask that pulled up from his chin to hide most of his expression except his eyes.

“I’m afraid not,” Logan said. “It is not one of my strong suits. No pun intended. I’ve aimed primarily for practicality.”

“Capes aren’t practical?”

“Too much risk for catching on things,” Logan said. “Could even be to one’s disadvantage if grabbed in a fight. Can be thrown over the head and be blinding. Can-”

“I get it,” Virgil said. “I just thought it looked cool. Maybe I should lose it, huh?”

Virgil sounded despondent. Logan hadn’t meant to be discouraging.

“Despite its impracticality, the appearance is certainly...cool,” Logan admitted. “Let’s go.”

The entrance exams had been held in an enclosed arena with a few rundown buildings and rubble all around. It was meant to imitate a disaster area, where superheroes were frequently needed for citizen recovery. Outside the arena and off to one side was a viewing area, with large screens live-streaming camera footage from several places inside the false city.

Though the arena itself was bland and grey, on the outer field Logan felt bombarded with bright colors and flashy logos. Many of the students had chosen costume appearance over practicality.

Latex? Logan thought. That will only impede mobility.

“Alright, everyone!” Mr. Sanders said. “We’ll be splitting into two sides, heroes and villains!”

There was some quiet conversation.

“I don’t want to be a villain.”

“Maybe it’ll be fun.”

“We’re here to learn to be heroes.”

“Quiet down,” Mr. Sanders said. “Don’t get yourselves too worked up over a tool for an exercise. You’ll be drawing slips to see who is on which side, and from there I’ll put you into pairs for the next part of the exercise.”

Logan kept mental calculations of students on both sides as they approached Mr. Sanders to draw lots from a jar. Heroes: Roman, Remigius, Kenny… Villains: Patton, Virgil, Terrence…

His turn came. Logan reached into the jar and pulled out a slip of paper, folded once. He unfolded it.

“Hero.”

It didn’t take long until all students had drawn. Mr. Sanders put down the jar and faced the students.

“Your sorting into hero and villain teams for the day is random,” he said reassuringly, “but your pairing will not be. Now that I’ve seen your initial work in yesterday’s test, I’ll be putting together combinations of quirks and personalities that will play to your own strengths and weaknesses.” Logan noticed that the older hero gestured frequently with his hands while speaking, drawing in the air in front of him as if painting a picture for the students. “Your grading on this exercise does not rest only on your wins or loses, but also on your ability to utilize these strengths, and overcome these weaknesses. The teams will be as follows: Virgil and Dominic will be facing Rafaela and Dahlia. Terrence and Remigius will be facing Logan and Roman. Patton and…”

Logan scanned the crowd for Roman, who was facing straight ahead and did not return the look. His costume was gold and white, with a short red cape and an emblem of a seven-pointed star on his chest. He had no head covering, and his dark golden hair was reflecting the sunlight.

Logan squinted. The gleam in Roman’s hair and shimmer of his skin were not artificial. They were part of his quirk, like the glowing eyes. Mostly useless, but flashy.

Maybe he can blind a villain before he attacks.

“Pay attention, now,” Mr. Sanders said, and Logan turned away from Roman. The teacher was reading from a clipboard. “For this challenge, each hero team and their opponents will be sent into the field. The heroes’ goal is to find a false explosion device hidden somewhere inside, and deactivate it. You will receive additional points for capturing one or both of your villain opponents along the way. The goal of the villains is to locate the same device and reduce its time to detonation. You will also receive additional points for capturing one or both of your opponents. I assure you, the device itself cannot harm you in any way, but your opponents will have authorization to use reasonable force to prevent you from reaching your goal. Any questions?”

“Define ‘reasonable force,’” Dominic shouted out.

“Capture and restraint are fine, as are quirk forces that will slow or incapacitate your opponents. Causing serious unneeded injury to a fellow classmate, however, will result in your score being reduced to zero instantly. Any other questions?” This was the first time the hero teacher seemed stoic, and Logan wondered if students had been injured in previous years.

Nobody spoke.

“If that’s all, then the first team will enter the field in five minutes,” Mr. Sanders went on. “They will have fifteen minutes to locate the device before detonation. Virgil, Dominic, Remigius, and Dahlia, you will go first.”

“Wish me luck,” Virgil muttered.

“Luck is illogical,” Logan said. “I will wish you the skilled use of your quirk and your brain.”

“Thanks.” Logan wasn’t sure if that was sarcasm. “I’m going to find Dominic.” Virgil. began weaving through the crowd. Logan looked around for Roman again. He was standing with Kenny and Kai, who had been assigned “hero” status, and laughing. Logan had to push past several people to reach him.

“I think it would be best if we developed a strategy,” Logan said.

“I’ve got one,” Roman said. “Stick behind me and stay out of my way.”

Roman’s friends sniggered, and Logan frowned.

“I have no doubt that our opponents will be forming their own strategy,” Logan said. “It would be rational to plan to counter them and target any quirk weaknesses they have.”

“Listen, Specs,” Roman said. “I’m sure you strategized your way out of plenty of lockers in middle school, but if you just leave it to me, it’ll be fine.”

“It may interest you to know that I’ve done extensive research into Terrence’s quirk, and as he is our opponent, I suggest-”

“Specs, it’s going to be okay, I swear.” Roman clapped Logan heavily on the shoulder. Roman was almost a whole head taller than Logan, who was exactly one centimeter taller than the national numerical mean as of August second, which was the last time he had measured.

“Virgil and Dominic are going in!” Terrence shouted.

Logan turned to the screens which displayed live footage of the arena. Virgil and Dominic were entering the ruins. They were in very stark contrast to one another, as Dominic’s costume was entirely white. Every time the two ran through a shadow, Dominic stood out, and every time they were in the light, Virgil was like a dark blot.

“Where are Rafaela and Dahlia?” Roman asked.

“They entered over there and went into a building,” Kenny said.

Logan scanned the screen as Virgil and Dominic ran through the streets of the imaginary town.

“There!” somebody shouted. Rafaela’s arm emerged from a window and snatched Virgil’s cape.

I tried to warn him, Logan thought.

Virgil jerked to a stop, thrown off balance. Though he wasn’t near enough to the camera to be audible, Logan could imagine that he’d been choked by the sudden yank of fabric, and his hand went briefly to his neck before he pulled the cape out of the arm’s grasp.

Dominic had already whirled around, and as Rafaela’s other hand writhed out of the building toward him, he visibly let out a puff of air, and the slight cloud that usually hovered near his mouth expanded unto a mist between him and the arm, which paused and retreated. The cloud of mist contorted like a living thing and retreated back toward Dominic.

Dominic’s quirk is very interesting, but Rafaela’s mastery is especially impressive. I wonder what material she used in her uniform, Logan thought. It clearly has the ability to stretch with her.

“Where’s Dahlia?” somebody else asked.

Dominic and Virgil stood back-to-back. Virgil had quickly recovered from the grab, and was now half-crouched and wary. Dominic said something to Virgil, who nodded, and the two moved toward the building where the arm had emerged, climbing in through a broken window.

“Look!” Kenny said, pointing to another screen. Dahlia had emerged from a building down the street, glancing back at where Dominic and Virgil had vanished inside. She started running down the street in the opposite direction.

A diversion, very clever, Logan thought. If only Roman was willing to...well, no use worrying about that now.

A camera had trained on Dominic and Virgil inside the building. There was no sign of Rafaela, but both boys were clearly on the defensive, glancing around the room before Virgil leaned in to Dominic to make some comment, and the two jogged upstairs.

Who knows how far Rafaela can extend her limbs? Logan wondered if she’d watched her two opponents from an upper window while distracting them. He glanced back at Dahlia’s screen. She was peering into windows as she passed, apparently looking for the explosive device.

An upstairs camera picked up Virgil and Dominic again, this time in a room with a great deal of rubble. For about twenty seconds, nothing happened. The partners scanned the room, and even peered out the windows.

Rafaela’s arm emerged suddenly from behind a large pile of concrete, slinking near the floor like a snake. Virgil’s mouth opened to shout a warning, but the hand reached Dominic’s ankle just as he turned around, and Dominic fell heavily to the ground.

Rafaela wasn’t strong enough to drag Dominic with one arm, and as her second one emerged, it had to face Virgil, who wrapped his hands around the wrist. The hand at the end of the arm twisted and flailed helplessly, and Rafaela stood up, revealing her face to the partners for the first time. Her teeth were clenched, and the arm Virgil held suddenly retracted, dragging Virgil halfway along with it before he let go. The other arm had extended even further to coil around Dominic’s lower leg. Dominic was grasping at it as it shook back and forth, preventing him from getting a solid grip. Logan was reminded of the crushing embrace of a boa constrictor. Virgil tried to cross the room to help, but Rafaela’s foot lashed out about ten feet in a quick kick to sweep his legs from under him. Virgil just has time to get back up before an alarm suddenly sounded.

“Dahlia made it!”

“Bomb detonated. Villains win,” a computer-automated voice announced. “Students, please leave the competition area.”

The fake bomb had reached zero, and the villains had won. Rafaela made a little cheer, and her fist sprang several feet above her head in her enthusiasm. Virgil and Dominic shared a defeated stare.

“Roman, Logan, Terrence, and Remigius, move toward the entrance to the city,” Mr. Sanders’ announced. Logan glanced around for Roman, who seemed to have vanished. He rolled his shoulders and grimaced.

When he arrived at the city entrance, Roman was there as well, glaring at Remigius, who was standing next to Terrence and preparing to enter a second gap in the outer walls. The villains and heroes would be separated by several buildings on their entrance into the city, and the groups would be out of sight from one another as the exercise began.

“All ready?” Mr. Sanders announced. “”Three...two…one.”

Terrence and Remigius dashed instantly through the opening, and Logan squinted. Terrence and himself knew all the limits of each other’s quirks. It would make them fairly well matched.

He’d only glanced away for a moment, but when he glanced back and began to jog forward, Roman was already a hundred feet inside. Logan sprinted a few steps to close the gap as Roman slowed to a stop at the first corner and glanced right and left.

“I should probably inform you about a particular element of my quirk before we procee-” Logan began. Roman’s hand reached back to silence him.

“You sure talk a lot, nerd,” he said. “But this is a situation for brawn, not brains. Why don’t you be a lookout?”

“I am an excellent lookout,” Logan admitted.

“Then stay behind me.” Roman dashed across the street and into a nearby building. Logan followed at a slog jog and paused outside the large doorway. He could hear Roman climbing some steps.

Go on and let him fumble around, I suppose. There’s no way to get him to listen to me.

The only windows on the first floor were too small for a person to climb through, and the door opposite the one Roman had entered was boarded up. Logan glanced upward. The windows on the second and third floors were much larger, and only about half of them covered in glass, many broken. Neither Remigius nor Terrence was likely to be able to scale the building.

Logan kept glancing up and down the street, feeling vaguely exposed. Terrence could approach from any direction in seconds, and one glance from Remigius would be enough to incapacitate Roman or Logan for the rest of the competition.

Logan heard Roman descending the stairs, and the taller boy shoved past him on his way out the door.

“Nothing here, you seen anything?”

“I have not seen anyone,” Logan admitted.

“You’re a great lookout, Specs,” Roman said, starting for the next building. “If you see Shades, let me know. I’d like to show him some ‘reasonable force.’” Logan couldn’t tell if Roman was being sarcastic or not.

The second building was much larger than the first, shaped vaguely like a hospital, with many broken windows on every side and three different entrances to the first floor. Virtually impossible to keep a lookout on all sides.

The first floor was a single large room, so as Roman ascended the stairs of the building, Logan followed him up a few steps and sat, with a good view of all three entrances.

It will take Roman a long time to check the whole building. This one has eight...nine floors.

How many buildings could Terrence search in that time? Certainly, he slowed down as he got more fatigued, but even after a dozen staircases he was likely much faster than Roman. If he and Remigius had made a strategy beforehand, it was likely that the second boy was serving as an authentic lookout - ready to look out and knock out anyone who came close. They were excellently suited for the task.

Roman was probably ascending to the third floor by now, if he wasn’t dwelling too long in any room. Just half a block away, three two-story buildings crouched in the shadow of the metal Goliaths of the other towers. They would be an excellent place for hiding a bomb - fairly inconspicuous, likely with lots of small rooms for hiding things.

Logan stood up. He could search all three of those buildings before Roman even reached the ninth floor, and be back before Roman noticed. Even if the bomb wasn’t inside, if he managed to search the buildings so quickly, maybe Roman would take him more seriously, and they could develop a proper strategy.

He jogged for the first building.

***

Nothing in here, either, Logan thought triumphantly as he finished the second building. He headed for the door and emerged into the bright daylight. Roman didn’t look so impressive on a day as bright as this, but it was too much to hope that the sun would humble a character such as Roman’s.

Logan glanced down the street, toward the building where Roman was. The other boy hadn’t emerged, and must still be searching, but…

Logan couldn’t tell if he’d imagined the figure in the first floor window, and was too far away to look inside. He began to move toward the entrance, then sped up when he got close enough to hear the familiar patter of Terrence’s steps on the stairs.

Oh no. By the time Logan was inside, Terrence - and possibly Remigius - had vanished up the stairs. Logan could still hear footsteps ascending, somewhere above him.

He took the steps two at a time, but had to rest his hands on his knees by the fourth flight. He inhaled sharply a few times, until he was roused by a crash up above. Roman shouted something unintelligible, and Logan dashed up the stairs again. As he came onto the fifth floor, he took in the situation at a glance.

Roman had focused a steady stream of light from his palm onto Remigius’ face, and was using all his other limbs to try and shove Terrence away from a cylindrical device on the floor. Terrence’s arms were moving almost faster than Logan’s eye’s could follow, and landed on the device several times, but never had time to grasp or manipulate it. Roman was taking minor hits solidly, his teeth bared and his limbal rings gleaming ominously. Remigius was covering his eyes with his hands, and tried to get closer to Roman, but tripped and fell in his blindness.

Logan sprinted and dove for the cylinder, and Roman cried out in astonishment as, with a deft motion, Logan disabled the device.

The alarm sounded.

“Bomb disabled. Heroes win,” the computerized voice said. “Students, please leave the competition area.”

Logan sighed in relief. He’d scraped his knees when he’d reached the bomb, but it didn’t matter; he’d won the exercise for the heroes, and finally proven himself to Roman and the rest of the class. He turned around and expected to see Roman triumphant, but instead the other hero pushed away Terrence’s extended hand of congratulation and glared at Logan.

“What was that?” he yelled.

“Excuse me?”

“Some mighty fine lookout you are! You just left, and I had to manage these two on my own.”

“I apologize, I-”

“How useless can you possibly be, Specs?”

Logan glanced at Terrence, who was standing by and looking uncomfortable.

“Give it up, Roman,” Terrance said. “You guys won, after all.”

“I would have had time to disable the bomb by myself if it wasn’t for you!” Roman snapped, not turning away from Logan. “You just delayed the mission and you could have cost us the win!”

“Students, please leave the competition area,” the computer said again, more urgently, over Roman’s voice.

“Come on, dude,” Terrence said.

Roman whirled around, clearly about to snap something. Remigius put one arm in front of Terrence, shooing him backward.

“We can have a repeat of what happened yesterday, if you’d like,” he droned.

Roman’s chest filled and emptied stiffly. He shoved past Remigius and started for the exit. He stopped at the door and glanced over his shoulder.

“Some hot shot you are, Shades,” he said. “You sure are brave when you can’t get hit.”

“And you sure are brave for saying so right as you head out the door,” Remigius responded. “Get lost, Sparkles.”

Roman inhaled sharply and he stormed down the stairs. Logan could have heard his stomps from three flights away.

“Thank you, Remigius,” Logan said.

“Getting real sick of that guy,” Remigius said, pulling a watermelon sucker out of his pocket, ripping the wrapping off in one pull, and popping it into his mouth. “And you can call me Remy, anyhow.”

***

Most of the class was quiet as Logan, Terrence, and Remigius emerged from the playing field. Roman was nowhere to be seen.

“Really great job, you guys,” Virgil said, walking up to join the trio as they moved away from the exit.

“And you as well,” Logan said. He was happy to put the competition arena behind him, for now.

“Well, but I lost pretty hard, didn’t I?”

“The important thing was your use of your mind,” Logan responded.

“It was impressive that you were able to hold of Rafaela so long!” Terrence said. “She has a really powerful quirk.”

Virgil’s lip twitched halfway to a smile as the group entered the spectation area. “Thanks, but Dominic deserves most of the credit.”

Remigius pulled his lollipop from his mouth with an audible pop. “Don’t put yourself down, now, honey, or I might have to put you down to sleep.” He crammed the sucker back into his cheek.

“They’re going in!” Rafaela shouted from the crowd. Up on the screens, four small figures were entering the arena, and Logan squinted to make them out. One the right, the villains, Patton and a boy whose name Logan could not remember, proceeded slowly, glancing back and forth cautiously. On the left, Kenny and Kai were dashing inside the first building.

“What’s Kai’s quirk?” Virgil asked.

“Shooting a kind of goo,” Terrance said.

“It’s actually a carbon-based material which includes organic polypeptides, similar to those in human DNA, which are likely formed due to replication near the surface of Kai’s skin during production,” Logan said quickly. Virgil turned to him with a confused look.

“It’s essentially goo,” Logan corrected himself. Make it convincing. He smiled widely, and Virgil turned away.

“That will be really useful for immobilizing an enemy,” Terrence said.

“Well, they’ve got to find them first,” Virgil muttered. “Who’s that guy with Patton?”

“October,” Remigius said slurringly around his lollipop. “He’s my cousin, and we went to the same middle school.”

“What’s his quirk?”

The lollipop clicked against Remigius’ teeth when he smiled. “I think it’s better to just let you find out.”

October was peering into high windows, Patton following behind him. Kenny and Kai had split up and were checking buildings individually. At one point, a beam collapsed, and Kai shot a projectile at it in shock, and then, though there was no sound from the screen, appeared to chastise himself.

“He’s a little jumpy,” Virgil muttered.

“How long does that goo stick around?” Elliot asked from somewhere behind Logan.

“Considering its construction,” Logan said. “One would expect it to be very resilient, but in actuality it decomposes fairly quickly, and will probably be entirely disintegrated within twenty-four hours if Kai does not personally get rid of it.”

“You sure know a lot about it,” Virgil said. “Did you go to middle school with him too?”

“Oh, no, I-” He fumbled. “I’ve only made some educated guesses, based on what I’ve seen.”

“Oh,” Virgil said. “Yeah, I guess you know a lot more about quirk stuff than I do.” His gazed dipped slightly, and Logan hoped he hadn’t made Virgil feel at all uneducated. They’d both made it into the program by the same test, after all.

“Look at Kenny!” Talyn shouted. On the screen, Kenny had punched through the boarded-up door of a building and climbed inside before clearing the rest of the boards with a small kick.

Meanwhile, October was also clearing rubble from in front of a door so Patton was then able to roll in. Once inside, he had to dodge the largest of the rubble, but was otherwise able to navigate the fairly open space.

October said something to Patton, pointing up a set of stairs, and Patton nodded. The other boy dashed up them and vanished from the camera. Patton rolled outside and into the next building, which had no boards across the door. He went around the first floor, peeking behind large rubble before rolling to the next building. He checked all the one-floor buildings on the block, and rounded back to meet October where they had began.

There was a brief mutter as Kenny and Kai appeared on an overhead camera, only a single street away from Patton and October.

“One loud noise and they’ll find each other,” Virgil said. Kenny was pointing around to Kai, perhaps explaining a plan to him. October and Patton were heading up the block toward the un-searched buildings, getting even nearer to the other pairing. If both groups turned the right corner, they would virtually run into each other. Several of the spectating students were practically holding their breath.

Patton’s wheelchair rolled over a board which had fallen off a nearby door, and the wood snapped in half resoundingly. Around the corner, Kai suddenly ejected his goo all the way from the tips of his fingers to his elbows. This, at least, explained why he’d given himself a short-sleeved costume. Kenny was splattered with the stuff and shouted loudly, so both heroes were momentarily distracted as October sprinted into a nearby building, followed almost instantly by Patton.

Kenny and Kai finally rounded the corner and glanced around wildly for the villains. On another camera, October was pointing upstairs in the building they were hiding in, and Patton nodded again. Patton rolled to the window, apparently also assigned the role of lookout, as Kai and Kenny dashed off in the opposite direction.

October, two flights up, appeared on yet another camera, crouching over the cylindrical false bomb. He muddled over the settings for a moment before reducing the time remaining from seven minutes to ninety seconds. He was down the stairs in a flash, and as he shouted something to Patton, Kenny and Kai whirled around a few hundred feet away.

Patton rolled into the street in front of October, and dodged a hasty shot of goo from Kai.

“Hey!” October shouted, standing with hands on hips as Kenny dashed toward him. The camera was near enough to him that Logan saw him wink, and the next moment Kenny stumbled to a stop and took a few woozy steps backward, eyes half-lidded.

A few students gasped or cried out.

“Is that his quirk?” Virgil asked Remigius.

“Part of it, just watch,” the other boy responded as he began to crunch the lollipop in his teeth.

October extended his pointer finger and then curled it towards himself in a universal “come here” signal. Kenny stumbled a few steps toward him. Kai, who had been watching Patton and trying to control the foamy goo emerging from his limbs, turned around and saw the bewitched Kenny for the first time.

“Is it mind control?” somebody asked.

“It’s not as simple as that,” Remigius said. “But I guess.” He pulled the bare lollipop stick out his mouth and flicked it deftly into a trash can.

A chime sounded just as Kai made a rush for October.

“Bomb detonated. Villains win,” the computerized voice said. October dashed to Patton and high-fived him. As he did, Kenny snapped out of his daze and thumped into a seated position on the ground, blinking in confusion. Kai reached out a hand to help him up, and the four boys headed for the exit.

“Still not sure how that one kid got in,” mumbled a voice somewhere behind Logan. “Can’t believe he and October beat Kenny and Kai.”

Logan glanced over his shoulder. Roman was standing at the back of the group, muttering to his friends just loud enough that everybody else could hear.

He sure is competitive, Logan thought, but there was no need to put down the other students.

“Somebody really needs to knock down that guy a peg,” Virgil muttered. “I thought he might learn his lesson after messing with you, Remy.”

“Some guys never learn,” Remigius said. “And some of those guys end up as head heroes anyway.” He crushed a small fragment of fallen lollipop under his foot, and turned to walk away.

Patton, October, Kai, and Kenny approached the spectators, and several students muttered congratulations, especially to October.

“What a cool quirk!” one student said.

“It would be amazing out in the field,” said another.

October brushed off the compliments, and the class was quiet as the next group entered the arena.

“So far the villains and the heroes seem pretty evenly matched,” Virgil said.

“I agree,” Logan said. “And my research would concur with you, as well.”

“Well, with research on my side, I’m awfully flattered,” Virgil said.

Logan could not always tell when Virgil was being sarcastic, so he only nodded. The other boy was mysterious, and Logan supposed that he liked it that way. After all, he’d chosen an all-black suit, and seemed fairly secretive about his quirk.

I can hardly call the kettle black, Logan mused. That would make him the pot. He also didn’t much like discussing his quirk in public, especially among so many talented peers, some of whom - he heard Roman laughing at something Kenny had said - would jump at the chance to tear down an opponent. He didn’t like to suppose that his fellow student meant him any harm, but Roman was quick to anger and, judging by his cold behavior toward Remigius, slow to forgive.

Virgil leaned down to mutter congratulations to Patton, who had rolled up beside him, but Logan noticed that he did not make eye contact. Patton’s gaze seemed invasive to others, and Logan wondered whether, like October, he possessed some form of a mind-control quirk. It would explain his recommendation to UA, and many mental quirks of that kind were very useful. However, if Patton had been prioritized over October, then his quirk must be even more powerful. The small and cheery boy seemed like no threat, but Logan made a point to remember to not to look him in the eye.

#sanders sides #fanfiction #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #sleep sanders #studywritesstuff #cw bullying #cw mild violence

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