#it fucking sucks dude
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I need to figure out how to care less about my job. I can’t keep crying over kids that aren’t mine, I can’t keep doing this
#captain’s own#dumb bitch hours#personal logs#long story short my boss moved up two of my kids even though they were not ready#and I spent all last week miserable trying to figure out if I could convince her to put them back with us#but I think really I just need to give up and move on#they’re not doing too badly they just seem a little sad and off#and that’s only when I see them so they might just miss me#but it’s like#it fucking sucks dude#I love these kids so much#and Holly (my boss) doesn’t understand she doesn’t know them#she doesn’t know I pushed off my break so I could tell Reagan stories to put her to sleep for nap#she doesn’t know how much time I’ve spent holding Wyatt when he’s been sick#I spent a year and a half with those kids between three of their classes and Holly didn’t even think to talk to me about it#okay I just need to get this off my chest
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i cant read about aro people, it always hits to close to home and i hate it. i hate it so much. i want to read the stories and i want to enjoy them but i cant. ill end up crying and i really cant deal with that right now.
#internalized aphobia#it fucking sucks dude#i hate this#i wasnt like this with my trans shit#like yeah ive a shit ton of internalized transphobia but it was never like this#i think its because i never pictured myself as a girl in the future#whereas i had a whole book of fantasies about romantic stuff in my head#aromantic#aro#arospec#caramelfantic#vent
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fascinating with this current family drama tv show stating unironically that a fifteen year old girl is familiar enough with 90210 to call herself a brenda. when i was fifteen teen girls weren't even watching that show anymore
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Had to refer myself back to the doctor because my anxiety disorder has been so bad. A little bit devastated but ultimately quite proud of myself for asking for help
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back to being angry
#i was literally just not here dude#my memories are all fucked up from the last several years#like i really don’t think i’ve been conscious since i was like 16#a lot happened that summer that really fucked me up#and don’t even fucking get me started on seventeen#i just don’t know how to exist with the things that i did and life i built.#i am so fucking grateful i found a partner so wonderful and most of the moments i have been present have been with him#i just wish i could restart our time together#where we are now#just do everything over with the communication skills i have now and the healing i’ve done#i’m so fucking glad i met him so young but fucking god i wish i had time to heal my unhealthy bits before him#it fucking sucks dude#i know i am just a person and just doing my best but he deserves better than what i was and that fucking sucks#and he literally feels the same way but i feel like mine is worse!!!#i just. love him more than anything. he is everything i want in the rest of my life#i don’t give a shit what is around us as long as i can laugh with him and cuddle up with him#we make every space we reside in into a home#just because we are a family#and i love my family so much. we are healing together and growing together#i just really appreciate him and wish i had done things differently#i know nothing can be changed but i hate that i have to live with all of this when it feels like i didn’t make the choices#but i did i guess.#*shrugs*
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"How will you sleep at night"
"Next to my wife"
#epic the musical#epic the vengeance saga#DUDE THAT WAS SO FUCKING COOL#THE POWER MOVE OF ODYSSEUS#SUCK IT POSEIDON SUCK ITTTTTTT
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have you guys seen the leaks
#kamen rider#kamen rider gavv#gavv spoilers#NAH GENUINELY i only saw his henshin before tapping out but FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCKKKKKKKK#shouma gavv i love you and whatever you got down there#if gavv ends up sucking i'll actually cry#HIS EYES GLOW!!!!!!!! 'JUICY' IS INCORPORATED INTO THE SOUNDS!!!!!!!! FUCK DUDE#snack rider save me... save me snack rider.......#i want his hoodie. i do. it looks so cozy
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I want to go to a thing but a person who thinks everything I do has some sort of secret agenda is attending and I don’t want to deal with having everything I do looked at under a microscope
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little angel, go away, come again some other day,
the devil has my ear today, i'll never hear a word you say.
#posting this before i hate it lol#postal 1997#postal#postal dude#my art#god this is edgy as fuck#i suck at drawing guns but ill do it for u dude
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it just sucks because nothing is ever fucking made for you, and if it is made for you like 75% of the time it gets chopped into little pieces by every person alive because this is the one thing you have, so it has to prove itself to you.
like, a thing can't just be for women. men need to assign it to women. women have to experience "must" or "should" before their hobbies and passions - women are allowed to do silly, passive things like tuck our ankles and titter behind a fan, or something. women are allowed to, they are welcomed to. like the world is a house and we are supposed to be in the kitchen and now we are being given the divine right to enter the living room if we bring chips
because when it becomes for you, or about you, that is when the thing is vile. you should/must wear makeup so you can appear beautiful to men. once you wear makeup for yourself, or because you yourself enjoy putting it on, then you are no longer doing the right thing. there is a reason men hate certain fashion trends. there is a reason men hate things like the pumpkin spice latte - because it's not about them. you are buying it because it is good for you. they degrade your passions and interests. there is a reason women-led fields are largely seen as being "not a real" profession. when you are a good cook, that is because you can provide for him. close your eyes. you're not going to be a chef, be honest. that is a man making food for himself.
bras are made so breasts will be appealing to men. they are rarely about comfort or support. you have given up entirely on the idea of pockets. young girls have to worry about a shorter inseam on their shorts. a girl on instagram gets her septum pierced, and men in the comments are rabid about it - i just want to rip it out of her face. she'd be beautiful without it.
and fucking everything is for them. even the media that is "for you" is for them, eventually. remember "my little pony"? remember how hard it is to convince any executive to believe that little girls are worth selling to? in the media that is for you, you see little ways that you still need to make it accessible for them - the man is always powerful, smart, masculine. he is a man's man. the media usually forgives him. it usually says okay, some men are awful, but hey! gotta love 'em. because if you don't hold their hands and say "this is literally just a story about my lived reality", they shit their pants about it. they demand you put them into the media that's for you.
these are people who are so used to glutting themselves on the world. they are used to having every corner and every dollar and every place of leadership. so you say can i please have one slice of cake, just for myself, please, holy shit. and they fucking weep about it. they say you're being unfair, because some of their one-thousand-slices aren't beautiful, and your singular cake slice doesn't have their name on it. and aren't you being rude by not offering to share?
and honestly. fucking - yeah, man. you were kind of surprised, because the cake is a little basic (you bake at home, you're way past this stuff). but holy shit, it was nice just to be offered cake in the first place. you're used to having to starve. you're used to getting nothing, but going to the party anyway, because you're expected (professionally) to show up. you liked that it is a simple cake, and that it is warm, and mostly: you like that there is, for once, a cake-for-you.
in the real world, outside of metaphor, it feels like fucking being slapped. barbie didn't even say anything particularly unusual; it literally just made factually evident points. there are less women in leadership than men. we can look at that fact objectively. that is a real thing that is happening. and the movie is aware that it has to defend itself! that it has to spend like half an hour just turning to the camera and saying: i know this is hard for you to understand, but this is a real thing that women experience.
it's just - this is that one kid on the playground who thinks its allowed to hog all the toys. he builds this hoard that nobody else is allowed to even look at, or he'll get aggressive. everyone's a little scared of him, so they let it slide, because his daddy gave him the golden touch. he hates when people cry and thinks bullying is cool. he writes boys only! on a big sign and makes all his friends take "alpha male" classes.
and then girls pick up barbies, because there was nothing left for them. and in the void they've been given, with their scraps: they make long, spiraling narratives about how barbie is actually descended from snakes and has given her righteous followers magical (if concerning) powers and can speak 32 languages (2 of which are animal related) and has big plans for infrastructure (beginning with the local interstate). and the boy comes over, and he has a huge fit about how the girls aren't "including" him. he wants to know why the girls aren't making the story about ken.
"we didn't like your story." the girls blink at him. they point to his war stories and the gi joes and the millions of male-led narratives and how still in the modern day men get two-thirds of the speaking roles in movies and they point to men making mediocre shows that don't get lambasted and they point to men encouraging toxic masculinity and they point to men everywhere, men and men and men. and they say: "how is this our fault? you had ken."
"no!" he is already back to screaming and stomping his feet and tearing at his hair and intentionally reminding them that men are holding back thinly concealed violence and he says: "if it's not for me, it's actually sexism."
#it's almost as if you spent your entire life fucking denying us things and then get mad when god forbid#we point out that you've been denying us something#writeblr#almost as if . u ACTUALLY think women dream of being in a male-run society#like dude mostly i dream about not having a tummy ache#love when ppl tell me that men have to deal with more rejection than women do#im like. just say u have never had a hard day in ur fucking life. if u think the most difficult experience is getting turned down at a bar#men: this one movie doesn't suck my entire -#women: yeah so i went to the doctor and was bleeding out of my eyeballs but like the doctor said#it was probably just my time of the month i guess?#anyway so i died there and had to be revived but they think i faked dying bc it was hysterics#so i took 3 advil and now im back at work i guess
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one thing I really really appreciate abt riz gukgak as a character is that he is un-self-aware to the max. he inhabits his body so completely. the arc that would usually be run as "I'm different and unable to connect with my friends in this way that everyone seems to be able to do and so something's wrong with me and I don't like myself" when it comes to riz is actually like no! I have literally no problems or praises for myself personally. I don't stand outside of my own self and judge it. it's phrased as "other people will eventually find someone more important to them than you" rather than centering it on his self-perception. he doesn't know why he doesn't have the best social life on earth even though he's not afraid at all to talk to other people. every time he sees himself in someone else's actions or behaviour he gets startled by it. his latest epilogue is realizing seemingly for the first time that he's not just an agent of causes but an actual character. he's my hero and I want to be him when I grow up
#not art#fantasy high#this trait with him is kinda why I don't really ascribe any prominent trans narrative to him. even though hes very gender#I think I said once like bc he didn't just walk into the girls bathroom I don't think he finds himself on that axis in general#bc if he's any less attached to his gender he would 100% have done it lmao#and the great thing is the more he gets comfortable with his friends the less self aware he becomes#saying shit like ''chop his head off so he doesn't revive'' fully uncaring for the optics. I love him#its honestly great esp. with the Living While Goblin stuff going on too. no inner conflict with that dude#he's fully great! he's awesome he's all gucci. the world is just fucked and that's why shit sucks for him#(this makes me doing something model-minority-adjacent for bard!riz a bit harrowing shdjsh I dont wanna lose this)#(he's dictated by fear but it doesn't mean he reflects those fears back onto himself as a person lol. at least kid got better)
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Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles–
❝The only thing that can defeat power is more power. That is the one constant in this universe. However, there is no point in power if it consumes itself. I will enlist the help of an old friend against our common foe. I will use one pawn to eliminate the other, and emerge with the spoils for myself.❞
➛DARK LEGACY
#i have very strong negative feelings abt the umbrella's end scenario as a whole but this moment did fuck#albert wesker#chris redfield#resident evil the umbrella chronicles#resident evil umbrella chronicles#the umbrella chronicles#chrisker#gif set#my gifs#resident evil gif#resident evil#umbrella's end#umbrella corporation#chresker#btw im drunk rn thays my excuse if these gifs suck#oh and also btw wesker is watching both chris and jill on a monitor and has encountered jill as often as chris#his fate should be as intertwined with jill's but he just doesn't give a fuck abt her dudes literally obsessed w chris
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How I feel after I respond to people annoyed with my british accent jokes with “don’t get your knickers in a twist bruv”
#I’ve managed to piss people off with the safest jokes yet again#British people want to be oppressed I guess#they think I’m like super pro america just because I made jokes about British people nah dude we suck too just be self aware fuck#athena p
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friend asked me to redraw this and who am i to refuse
‘s not like i’ve got anything better to do with my time
#one piece#black leg sanji#vinsmoke sanji#dude idc at this point#i’m reworking my lineup i did a couple months back cuz i made that before franky even existed. look where i am now#i fucking hate it now it sucks i don’t wanna look at it#anyways. sanji time#sssaturn art
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Just two normal youth camp leaders 🙏🙏😇
#this took so long#im relatively happy with it though#also i can draw kim now!!#i need to draw miss holloway again after that revelation#jon is easy because his eyes are both constantly nervous and constantly insane#also hands fucking suck dude#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#starkid#team starkid#starkid productions#nightmare time#nightmare time 2#abstinence camp#girl jeri#boy jerry#tw blood#cw blood
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undying tales - red panda (1/15)
#unsatisfied and a couple hours late but. i am doing this. on god. doing it scared#learning process. i learned from this. gripping my desk so hard the wood splinters. this is important practice.#it just hit me. doing this grey scale makes it look like a raccoon and not a red panda. bruh#ALSO MY GREY MARKERS FUCKING SUCK DUDE#didnt quite realize till trying to colour this 😭 my sketchbook paper cant handle distilled india ink so ive just got shitty grey markers#anyways.#undying tales#red panda#undying tales project#inktober#<- i know its not actually inktober but it is in spirit#id in alt text#my art
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