#it focuses heavily on “here's how to feel your feelings well” which isn't bad!!

[praisethegabs]

TAKING CARE

pairing: leon kennedy x reader synopsis: he needs comfort and someone who cares about him, and you know he won't say it. at least, not out loud. author's note: another request, i think it's very cute. it's my first attempt to write a drabble, and here it is. this was heavily inspired by a conversation i had with my friend today! i hope you like it, anon 💓 warnings: just fluff in general with a small angst, no use of y/n, second person (you) word count: 934

Leon was a terrible liar.

You were his partner for years, and you were always there with him during assignments. You knew him better than anyone else and there was nothing he could hide from you. Your relationship with him was something very unique, and you knew you were the only person he truly trusted.

But oh lord, it was very hard to gain his trust.

That's why you didn't even cared having him laying on your couch on a Saturday night after almost one month away from home. He was tired just like you were and yet, he seemed bothered with something.

"Is everything okay?" you ask him, sitting on the floor, crossing your legs as you observes him.

"Yeah, I'm fine" he says, his arm resting on his face as he tries to protect his sight from the lights. "Just tired"

"You're a bad liar, Kennedy" You smirk, trying to provoke him as you poke his waist, making him groan a little. "Come on, big guy"

"I hate you" he muttered to you, slaping your hand from his waist, before he glances at you, getting more comfortable on your couch.

"You love me" you smirk, still poking him, which makes him sigh a little, rolling his eyes as he gets slightly annoyed by your insistence.

"Have you ever had this feeling... like... you don't belong to anyone else?" he asks you, sitting on your couch, sighing deeply. "Like... you're not destined to be with anyone? Always alone and this kind of bullshit?"

"Wow, I've never thought of that... why?" You raised an eyebrow, the smirk on your lips fading away, as you notice some sadness in his piercing blue eyes.

But he seemed hesitant for a moment, trying to find the right words to express himself, which was something he had a lot of trouble to do. Leon was a low profile person. He always kept things for him instead of opening himself up with others, so telling someone how he felt was a big deal.

"I mean, recently I've been asking myself if I'm not a lovable person, y'know? Like there's something wrong with me, like I don't deserve to be loved..." Leon avoids your gaze, focusing on your plant instead. You knew it was serious.

"Since when you've been thinking about this?" You ask him, joining his side on the couch, trying to gain his attention.

"I don't know... it's been a while. I feel like I won't end with someone, I won't have an happy ending, like everyone else. You know, everyone I ever cared about ended up betraying me or hurting me... which makes me ask myself if I'm not worthy of love" he finally looks at you and you can notice he's trying his best to not break in front of you.

How can you show him you care? How can you tell him he's worthy of love and he deserves all the happiness in the world? No matter what you say, he won't believe you. He's so broken inside, he's so shattered into a thousand of pieces that words can't fix him. How can you convince him he deserves only the best, when all he sees is pain and suffering? He was hurt before, and he tries so hard to hide it, but sometimes, when there's only you with him, he finally allows himself to be vulnerable. But this? This confession? Well, it's not like anything else you heard before.

So, with just an simple gesture, you just involved him in your arms, in a tight hug that could melt him inside you, where no one would hurt him again.

And when he feels this hug, when his skin touch yours, he knows he can be whatever he wants with you. He can be vulnerable, he can be everything he isn't while he's with others. Deep down, all he needs is someone to rely on. You.

"I have something to say, and I want you to hear me very carefully, Leon" you said, touching his face so he can look you in the eyes, and he just nods. "You're the most beautiful, lovely and bravest man I've ever knew. And by beautiful, I mean inside and out. You're worthy of all love of the world, you deserve to have an happy ending like everyone else and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise"

He smirks, even there's sadness in his eyes. He nods again, a few tears dropping from his eyes as he bury his face in your neck, seeking comfort. Gently, you start to stroke his hair, leaning against the couch to be more comfortable as he lays on your chest, breathing more calmly.

"Thank you" he whispers, closing his eyes as he can hear your heart beating calmly inside your chest, your fingers still playing with his hair. "For everything"

"What can I say? I love you, jerk" you smirk, looking down at him, his face buried on your neck, but a soft smile on his lips. "And you better remember that"

"I will. Always" his breath on your neck makes your body shiver, and he notices it, makes him smile even more.

This is the unique relationship you have with him. The only person who knows his insecurities, the person he always seeks when he needs comfort and assurance. By the end of the day, it's you he'll always want to be with.

"By the way, I'll always take care of you" you whisper to him, even though you knew he's asleep now. He's snoring softly and you know he's in peace. "Always"

[kingsandbastardz]

here u go, ask for trying times: give me your pitch for shipping wudi, i've got maybe one foot on that ship but i'm curious on your thoughts (gl on the all-nighter!!)

I survived it, sorta. The deadlines keep trucking om 😭 So here's my thoughts:

It's really unfortunate that we don't see enough of Wuyan but I do think we have enough of a framework to draw some interesting conclusions about them both relationship-wise. So here's to me heavily analyzing the 5 minutes Wuyan is on screen! LMAO:

Service as show of devotion - Chooses to act like and appear as a lower rank personal servant to dfs even though he clearly has a lot of power to draw from to get things done and dfs tells him he sees his rank as being much higher

Of everyone that focuses their attention on dfs, he's the only one that doesn't want to own or control him (master di - slave, jlq - wife, llh - 主人, fdb - wants to be in charge)

Despite knowing he was massively outclassed, still put himself in lxy's path at donghai

Shared experience: both survived the Donghai battle together and both have matching chest scars courtesy of lxy. They also worked side by side for years to accomplish the same goals

Llh is presented as knowing dfs the best - but imo, that means wuyan knows even more. Wuyan knows all the why's that llh doesn't know

We don't see much general conversation but considering how relaxed dfs is around him and willing to winge about personal things - he seems like he's actually capable of communicating well with dfs lmao

Pure headcanon here, but I want to say he and dfs learned or figured out how to hide their chi at a high level together. DFS uses it all the time and seems to be undetectable even to llh - wuyan seems to be undetectable to the world - I mean i think his name means something like "without presence"? He comes pre-labelled. So I think it's something martial-skill related that would give additional meat to dfs' respect for him

Guards dfs' secrets - how dfs truly feels about all the mengzhu stuff and rankings etc. Don't know if he knows anything about Di Fortress, but anything he does know about dfs' background it's not going to be a topic of conversation

He pays attention to dfs' preferences and knows how to deliver them in the form he prefers (see jlq who doesn't know his preferences and hates that dfs doesn't like what she prepared for him)

As a personal guard, in the early days when dfs was weaker, he likely went with dfs to any secret meetings with llh, hid his chi to keep guard, and was privy to what went on between them. Likely is the only one that would know this information - which is also why he fully understands why dfs is obsessed with llh and supports him. And listened to him mourn him for however many years (I assume he's the one providing clean clothes and food during seclusion so that's 10 years of crying he's been privy to)

Is willing to extend his top level standard of service to the ppl dfs cares about

He acts like he's a nobody, and he's not a pretty face, but everything points to him actually being a very, very competent and high-level guy in his area of expertise? So a good match to dfs. His martial skill isn't comparable, so he can't fight him like lxy, but he can do all the things dfs doesn't like to do - like the organizational stuff, dealing with and managing ppl, etc.

Headcanon again: i can really see them having an experimental phase in their youth together. Like something where dfs and him kinda decide to test things out and then maybe deciding the timing was bad or they weren't into each other like that at that time or whatever. But deciding to remain friends instead. And continuing to build jinyuan alliance together and everything else. It's like best bro + work spouse rolled into one -- with the wild result that they come out even stronger at the end of it. Think lxy + zhan yunfei but they see each other and work together every day. Successfully. With some extra headcanon and a small stretch you can probably position him and dfs as foils to lxy and shan gudao? (Sadly not enough info about the formation of daily workings of JA back then)

headcanon continued: They have to have good communication because they negotiated or figured out how to navigate their Situation and have clearly been at it for awhile - with one being a 'servant' and with the other one having ptsd issues with servitude/slavery. In the waterfall scene we get to see dfs mildly checking in and essentially being all, "Uh, you still good there? Remember you can change things up any time you want. My opinion of you is still A++ fyi" and Wuyan essentially signalling he's fine by continuing on as always.

Wuyan is the last person alive that remembers who dfs was before Jinyuan Alliance and the development of the Di Mengzhu persona. He helped craft that persona.

Basically if you are into themes like fealty and devotion and the sort of comfort you can get from a long time friendship where they've seen each other at their worst. Where they've figured out how to communicate and operate/exist together seamlessly while making allowances for each others' needs and interests. This is it!

They could be queer platonic, they could be sexual, they can be any permutations of anything and it still doesn't change the basis of their relationship which is years of trust, communication, hard work and shared experiences.

Like imagine teenagers - one holding the other guy's hair up while he vomits blood and bile into an alley. Where they patch each others' wounds in the shadow of someone's doorway after getting their asses kicked but somehow also saving each other from getting killed that day. They're the ones that figure out how to kill together. How to hide together. They figure out how to teach others to kill and hide together. They build power with their joined hands and with it they gain the money and prestige that allows them a comfortable place to sleep and full bellies. They give this same thing to others. They build it up so well people can afford to do normal ppl shit like fall in love and get married.

These are things they likely wouldn't have thought of when they were engaged in a battle royale in the street. It's them, their circle of friends, against everyone else in the world. And even when all their friends are now dead - they're still alive. They're still together. They'll see it through.

Maybe one day they'll find their way into each other's beds - the future is ever changing. But whether they do or not doesn't matter - they already have each other. They've survived this much together. Anything else is just icing.

[starstuffandalotofcoffee]

I threw down pretty heavily with SURJ this year, and also wasn't particularly happy with their post-election analysis. I'm not necessarily looking to move orgs, but I'm curious what the takes on the WFP/Move On call were. I'm in the contacting them to see if I can get the recording, but I'd also love to get your deeper opinion.

the recording of the mass call is here (I couldn't recall the coalition name while drafting that post and was in a rush to get to something and probably should have waited). I will admit I was not in like, a great headspace to remember details, and I had to drop off early, but I have signed up for my local meeting which is tomorrow (check your area! there's links on the same page). It focused a lot more on community building and tangible plans put in place and a lot less about Our Fellow White Women coming from educated lefty white women in Brooklyn who only have access to other educated lefty white women in Brooklyn. I also think that it did contain some useful post-mortems. I do not think it's correct to say Democrats made all of the right choices over the past 4 years but the issue is less "we have abandoned the working class" and much more "messaging is fucked, a lot of programs move too slowly, and we should have prosecuted Trump much more quickly." Like, more generally, I think that capitalism is a massive problem and is a major factor why we're at where we're at. but SURJ felt like, well, Very Online Leftists who are like "under late stage capitalism we are all fucked" and when you ask "ok what should we do about it" they're like "stop capitalism" and when you're like "ok what are the actionable steps" they're like "CAPITALISM BAD". Or to put it another way, to reference the Daniel Hunter 10 steps article, it felt all very public angsting, no action. And perhaps it was just that that call was Wednesday Night and Worth Fighting For was Thursday and they'd had another day to pause and grieve and breathe but the former just made me feel like they were wallowing and the latter was the first thing that made me feel better that wasn't pure distraction.

also: Judith LeBlanc was a smart choice. I feel better today for having gone to my synagogue and talked to old left-leaning Jewish people. I think you need to spend time with people who can say "the steps backward are unacceptable, and also, I have gone forward once and I will keep doing it and I know the work might not be done in my or your lifetime and we still do it." I also think it's a key point in coalition building to have the former head of the Communist Party given an equal platform as Jamie Raskin and Pramila Jayapal and Leah Greenberg. (I also found Ash-Lee Henderson to be a fantastic host/moderator here; again, I think SURJ's mission isn't inherently bad in theory but it really does turn into a lot of Liberal Urbanite White Woman (and sometimes men) self-flagellation. Like...you should not make women of color do the work, but you should fucking listen to them instead of talking forever about how bad and sorry you are about other white women.)

[right-brain-left-brain]

A potential idea for Deltarune's chapter 3 secret boss

I think this post might get me some weird looks, but fuck it we ball.

I'll just stop beating around the bush and propose the idea (ramble): Chapter 3 will have a Sonic-like secret boss.

You have Woody Theory, now get ready for Sonic Theory.

Now please, hear me out.

The core idea here isn't to just rib at all the bad Sonic OCs in the internet (okay, maybe it was), but I wanted to reflect a theme that fits Chapter 3's take on a TV themed world well (a Hollywood-like setting); stardom, or the loss of it in this case.

For context, in the 90s, due to Sonic the Hedgehog's success, there was a trend where every mascot platformer tried to emulate Sonic (mainly his US portrayal at that time, an effort to make him appeal to the American market more) as much as they could; high speed/fast paced action, a mascot with a cool and snarky attitude, and advertising focused on just how fast the game could go and/or how cool and edgy the mascot is. As with all trends, it eventually died out, with a majority of the titles fading into obscurity (though the Sonic series it self is still very relevant and thriving) if not remembered for how tacky they were.

Basing a secret boss on this fits with the currently known secret bosses’ theme of forgotten and/or discarded objects (Jevil = jester card, Spamton = spam mail). In the context of Chapter 3's Hollywood-esque setting, this makes for a character that was once a star. They were the talk of the town, a household name until they suddenly fell from stardom, mimicking the fast but short lived success of the trend. Now, they wish to reclaim the fame and star power they once had, no matter what and how.

All the secret bosses are heavily tied to the theme of freedom and control. Jevil, believing that he's the only free person in the Card Kingdom, feels like he can do anything (as in being in full control). Spamton constantly seeks freedom and to release himself from his strings. Making the Chapter 3 secret boss an in-game game character also reflects the themes of freedom and control; game characters tend to be played (or controlled) by something beyond their world (players). As a game character, this secret boss's take on freedom and control could be interesting. Instead of wanting to no longer be controlled, they want to be controlled, to have a direction for them to go along with. Now abandoned, they have nobody to follow and be guided by. This mimics a game; playable characters only do something when you move them, let go of the controller and they just stand there, waiting to be moved again. This can also play with the theme of you, the player, and your dynamic with Kris, the character. Kris, someone who's haunted by the idea of all their actions not being in their control, being met with someone who wants to be controlled all the time, their antipode, can make for interesting encounters.

The Dreemurr household has a game console with two controllers; one official and the other a knockoff/off-brand one. Toriel mentions Asriel liking a character who is essentially the Deltarune universe's version of Yoshi in its version of Super Smash Bros. As 'Super Smashing Fighters' is a clear reference to Super Smash Bros, which as a series is played on consoles, this further confirms that there's a game console somewhere in the house. As the game console is something that Asriel have ties to, this gives Toby the chance to further explore Kris as a person, their thoughts and fears, and dynamics with others (especially family) even with Chapter 3's more lighter and gameplay focused take. The console is currently tucked under Asriel's bed which, while it looks like a problem, I'll get into a bit later.

Video games can still make sense in a TV World that puts emphasis on performance; they're entertainment played on television by connecting a device onto it (at least home console games). The secret boss being the main character of a game can be translated as an actor, someone who carries out the directions provided by a 'script' of sorts (the game itself or you/the player). In a way, video games are movies or shows that the player themselves have full control of; they share several elements with other forms of media, only this time with giving the consumer more liberty in enjoying.

The Deltarune status updates reveals what the OST calls a 'Green Room'. A Green Room is a "a room (as in a theater or studio) where performers can relax before or after appearances". Fitting for the direction that Chapter 3 takes for a world themed around TV entertainment. Not only does this reinforces the actor and performance theme that Chapter 3's direction goes for, which can especially be applied to the secret boss, but it confirms something; the Dreemurr house's second floor being involved. Before this sneak peek, a lot of fans assumed that only the living room will get Dark World-ified, but this single screenshot seems to be saying otherwise. We get a loose layout of the second floor's hallways, the potted cacti are the same in shape, the couches mimic Kris and Asriel's bed, the starry wallpaper comes from Asriel's side of the bedroom, and some even say the box of (prop?) swords represent Asriel's pencil box. This still gives the chance of the game console as a secret boss, or any other things in the second floor to be referenced as well.

In one of Spamton's QnA answers, we may have the elements of the next secret bosses revealed. Spamton himself have the Puppet/Cat element, sharing it with Tasque Manager according to the game's files. We can assume that Death/Scythe in this answer belongs to Jevil (though the game's files lists it as Chaos/Chaos, possibly as a joke), as the JevilsKnife is basically a scythe and Spamton dislikes him. This leaves us with Thunder/Light and Dark/Star. Thunder/Light fits well with the secret boss being a Sonic expy, as both are very fast things, while Dark/Star could refer to what this possible secret boss is; a star that fell from fame into obscurity (or darkness).

Now, onto fan theory territory.

1. Memoryhead: There's a theory suggesting that the Memoryheads represent the currently known and future secret bosses. Here's the Memoryhead itself, along with the circled parts showing Jevil (red) and Spamton (yellow):

Obviously these aren't the only faces on the Memoryhead as we also have this face:

Should look familiar right? Of course this isn't really definitive proof of the concept being plausible. I wanted to point out just how eerily similar one of the faces on the Memoryhead is to Sonic's conjoined eyes.

2. SOUL colors: A more common theory is that each secret boss would have their own SOUL color/modes based on the Undertale Genocide Route bosses in reverse order (Sans = Jevil = Red, Spamton = Mettaton = Yellow). On top of this theory, another theory from Reddit says that the secret bosses reflect an inversion of each color's virtues; in the case of the currently known secret bosses, Red for Determination, Yellow for Justice. Jevil accepts the truth with no resistance and deludes himself into believing he's free to do anything (the opposite of Determination) while Spamton is a crooked salesman who pressures Kris into making bad deals and scams his customers (the opposite of Justice). Following this pattern, the Chapter 3 secret boss's SOUL color/mode is either Purple or Green. Let's talk about how this could work for our Sonic ripoff.

Purple is the color of Perseverance. Inverting Perseverance could give us something along the lines of Apathy. To persevere is to stand tall even against the odds and the many trials of life. As the trend of Sonic-esque platformers lived for quite a short time, it can be said that it didn't persevere through the tests of time. Maybe we could have someone who's long gave up their dreams of returning to the spotlight, where they consider their current state as being eternally lost, until an opportunity (Kris and their SOUL; something to control them) presents itself. This sends them in a more frenzied and desperate state that makes them do whatever it takes to become famous again, no matter what they'll face in their path to have 'freedom' once more. This portrayal can both invert Perseverance as well as display a twisted version of it.

Instead of spiderwebs, the lines could be TV scan lines, tying the chapter's TV theme with the secret boss' basis of a video game character. The lines could also refer to game consoles and controllers, with both using wires to connect themselves onto the TV.

Alternatively, this secret boss uses the green SOUL, the color of Kindness. Inverting Kindness gives Selfishness or Meanness. This still lines up with the secret boss being a Sonic clone, as the games that tried to ride and capitalise on Sonic's success tend to forgo Sonic's kindness and heroism for being cool and edgy for the sake of being cool and edgy, ending up with a character whose only defining trait is 'being totally rad' even to the point of self-centeredness. With that interpretation, the secret boss can instead be selfish and shrewd, disregarding others and doing whatever they can no matter what to get their hands on Kris' SOUL. On the surface, they still try to keep a kind and heroic persona (but not without the snark) despite no one remembering them. All of this to reclaim the image that they once have, their stardom, and their life. Why should they matter? They're not the ones who have their lives and acclaim suddenly robbed from them right?

While it skips the Purple SOUL, the Green SOUL returning in Chapter 3 can be inferred from Seam saying that the "next opponent" (presumably the secret boss) is impossible to beat without the 'Shadow Mantle'. A mantle can mean many things, for one it could mean a cape of sorts or a covering. As Seam says that we need the Shadow Mantle to fight the next secret boss, it can be inferred that it acts as a second shield for the Green SOUL, covering the area not protected by it.

3. Heaven and Hell: So far, all the known secret bosses have made references to Heaven or Hell. Jevil, besides being a demonic jester, says “MY HEARTS GO OUT TO ALL YOU SINNERS!” before one of his attacks. Spamton have made several allusions to Heaven (“ARE YOU WATCHING, [Heaven]!? IT'S TIME FOR SPAMTON'S [Comeback Special]!”) and has an angel theming (the mini Spamtons that heal half your health, Spamton NEO). Making the Chapter 3 secret boss a star past their prime by basing it on a dead gaming trend still fits this theming. They’re a star that fell into obscurity. In other words, Lucifer, the morning star, a fallen angel.

Okay, all of this is cool and weird. But then, what about the flowers? The ones Asgore gave to Toriel? Wouldn't that, a discarded thing that sits fairly near to the living room, also be secret boss material?

Simple, they can still be a part of this potential secret boss, just not as the boss itself.

Instead, the flowers can be the stage for the boss fight. A lot of Classic Sonic games (read: Sonic games at the 90s) start off in places with a fair amount of vegetation, especially trees and flowers. I can see the flowers also acting as the trees. In short, the trash can itself will be the stage for the secret boss's fight.

And now, some personal ideas.

1. Speech quirk: As an embodiment of a long gone fad, this secret boss's speech quirk would be speaking in 90's slang frequently while putting certain letters in bubbles, as if they're buttons on a game controller, with T being replaced with a + to evoke a D-pad. Something like so:

2. Gaster design motif: It's heavily implied that Gaster have some involvements with the secret bosses. They also have design motifs that they share with Gaster; Jevil have Gaster's eye cracks (or is it just clown makeup?) while Spamton have Gaster's fashion sense. I think, for a character that plays into the theme of a former star that long for their fame to return, the Chapter 3 secret boss will have a hole on each hand, just like Gaster's hands. On top of rings being the main collectible of every Sonic game as well as loop-de-loops being a common feature in Sonic level design, hands with holes can symbolise grasping for something (in this case fame/stardom), only to fail.

3. Amusement park ride: Each secret boss so far seem to have an amusement park ride theme of sorts, with Jevil's fight being in a carousel (or at least similar to) and Spamton's fight taking you on [[a ride around town]] on a rollercoaster. As the rollercoaster is (unfortunately) taken, I'm gonna have to go with a pendulum ride. Besides being a very fast ride (some even swinging in a full circle, just like a loop-de-loop), it can symbolise this character's arc of wanting to reach their past stardom only to slip away.

Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if the entire cowboy thing ended up being a hint to the actual secret boss itself, but, knowing Toby Fox, I also wouldn't be surprised if it isn't. If this ends up being inevitably deconfirmed by Chapter 3's release, I can still claim him as an entirely original secret boss complete with an orange SOUL mode. All in all, I just needed to put this out somewhere, for some unfortunate souls to read.

TL;DR: The Chapter 3 secret boss is a Sonic expy as a riff on the Mascot with Attitude trend from the 90s and to parallel a movie star past their prime (according to Chapter 3's direction), desperate to be guided and to have fame once more.

[twistedastrology]

Outer Planets & Affliction: What destroys a man.

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gonna talk abt a much darker topic today bc i feel like it and it's absolutely fascinating to me from a very morbid perspective (which happens a lot 4 me)

im gonna start this off by saying this is mostly focusing on extreme cases/what Could happen due to outer planet affliction, none of this is definite if u have afflicted outer planets bc it depends on the severity of their affliction and how many good counter aspects u have to them that help u heal!! :)

to start, the outer planets to me are Saturn to Pluto, so let me give u a quick rundown of what I think these planets are responsible for when they're heavily afflicted:

Saturn - Destruction of the will, the snuffing of one's inner, driving fire.

Uranus - Destruction of the mind, losing your cognitive function, going insane.

Neptune - Destruction of the spirit, loss or lack of intuition, feeling lost within your own life.

Pluto - Destruction of the body, the vessel decays and lacks the strength to repair itself.

i wanna say as well that all of this essentially came to me in a vision from god, i genuinely had no basis in my head initially, i was just rambling to myself in my head and all of this clicked and then it genuinely made sense and i even had evidence to back it up, so i wanted to post abt it because i love dark stuff like this (my blog name isn't twisted astrology for no reason- i mean like the reason was bc it was a play on twist and twisted transistor by korn But yknow it gains reasons as i go on-)

let's go over why each planet destroys what they do:

Saturn destroys the will because it rules over time and persistance- Capricorns are more often than not very driven people, Saturn grounds them and gives them the stability and willpower to see things through. A strong Saturn is often manifested as a very powerful driving force, as the planet often acts an incredibly crucial pillar, if not the foundation in a person's chart.

Uranus destroys the mind because it's the higher octave of Mercury. It rules over innovation and change, even higher thought. A strong Uranus is often an indicator of a genius in whatever area of life the planet is placed into. Thus, when afflicted, it completely shatters and even lacks this potential altogether.

Neptune destroys the spirit because it's known as the planet of spirituality. It's the planet of our higher self and our shadow self, it's our connection to the planes of existence beyond our own. A strong Neptune is often indicative of enhanced intuition, and can even mean the person has a heightened level of awareness of their place in the world and where they're meant to be in life. So naturally, an afflicted Neptune means a complete lack of perspective and the loss/lack of the ability to realize there is more than the self, making one feel lonely, inadequate, and lost.

Pluto destroys the body because it rules over death, transformation and rebirth. It even rules over destruction itself, and its connection to death gives it an inherent connection to the physical body as well. A strong Pluto can manifest as a strong will, but also as a higher pain tolerance because of that. Therefore when it's afflicted, the soul's vessel lacks the ability to transform and regenerate itself effectively, and ultimately will crumble to pieces throughout the course of life.

OK- lemme write normally now instead of all fancy n shit 😮‍💨 But what's my evidence to prove all this-

well someone i know has very heavily afflicted outer planets, mainly saturn, uranus and pluto, but neptune was kinda roped into the affliction as well- and all of this checks out.

saturn especially hits him hard, which also makes it all karmic so idk wtf bro did in a past life but it had to've been Bad bc he's got some SERIOUSLY afflicted outer planets like jesus fucking christ- and like i dont wanna talk too much shit on here but he's insufferable to say the least and, probably bc of the afflicted saturn, will not do the work to fix it.

would genuinely hate to be him on his death bed like 🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡

ANYWAY-

like i said initially tho this does not mean if u have a kinda afflicted uranus, ur gonna go insane!!! no sir!!! it's just abt the extremes n stuff and what i have literally seen happen with my own eyes- i think most people have enough soft aspects to get them into the process of healing, maybe not even soft aspects maybe just solid placements- it's all subjective, rly-

but this is also a really good way to talk abt the Power that these planets have- they are NOT to be fucked with bc when afflicted, they can obliterate you and your entire life tbh- i dont think they Want to unless you somehow have beef with them but overall they are just incredibly powerful planets and i truly think when reading someone's astrology chart, you GOTTA look at the outer planets bc otherwise you're missing out on SOOOOO much crucial information.

i always say that i think outer planets, whether in transit or in a natal chart, have the absolute MOST impact on a person despite being so far away.

far away ≠ lack of impact.

i hope this was interesting to read or at least thought provoking bc i absolutely LOVE dark topics like these, probably my moon/neptune in my 8th house tbh- i mean im genuinely fucking petrified of tornadoes like lilapsophobia type shit but i still put that image here because i unfortunately think they are really fucking cool at the same time (ive had multiple nightmares where tornadoes have killed me. but like........ they're kinda cool......and i hate them........)

anyway!!!!! thank u for reading this far into my yapping session 🙏🙏

[smilepilled]

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hi. important / significant post for this blog today, very wordy but also very heartfelt. mainly targeted for the 400 milestone + things ive been wanting to say. hopefully the wording isn't too wonky? ❤️‍🩹

thanks if you stop by. might edit this later to make it "less fancy", if it ends up bothering me — dividers and decoration are mainly for organizing it and making it feel like the blog's thing. either way...

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hi, smilepilled/"bug" here (please just call me marcyie); this post will be about things id like to communicate directly to whoever sees it, and something regarding the blog (especially considering the 400 follower milestone). its mainly due to: (1) not wanting people to see me as some cool huge figure and instead just see me as a silly user having fun in my zone, AKA wanting to me treated like just any other random blog; and (2) communicating about intentions regarding people & situations.

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to start off: im not particularly joyous or happy with having ~400 followers or otherwise being "popular"/"known", because im straight up just some old (soon-to-be-legal) teenager who looks at pretty stuff on tumblr autistically. hence why im not planning on commemorating — however, please do know youre all very dear to me! i am very thankful for all the people i've met here ♡ i am a moot-focused account, i follow anyone that follows me, and you're all very much oomphed up in case you followed me.

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i would prefer to avoid any parasocial images from my person, or anything similar like that, so please just keep in mind: im just some random person online! im friendly and all, but please know im not and i dont want to be some "cool tumblr user", im a stranger online that is friendly but most people dont know much about; im just marcyie, the friendly tumblr neighborhood bugthing, treat me as such. i am keen on having understanding and nice interactions with people, but i am not some influencer or whatever. ^_^;

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ADDITIONALLY, a reminder that i personally will always be glad to solve any troubles thru personal "1-on-1" conversation over fights. if u gotta, send me a message and i'll get to it with u! seroously. even if ur fresh from some tense situation with me involved. if u demonstrate willingness to make peace im gonna be just as hearty. i heavily dislike being seen as some unstoppable force or hazard or whatever else — or worse, an opp. :'D i actively go out of my way to NOT be an opp to people, and even if i make mistakes, the intention is very much there, severely so. i really think often about making amends with people who i've had problems with, but since i am unaware of how to do that in a "socially acceptable way", i end up not doing it out of fear of making anything worse. its quite annoying for me, paradoxical as well.

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while i do have very complicated feelings towards a few people who've been in a headache of a situation (indefinite times, and indefinite amounts of people) with me being involved, id like to affirm that the greatest one is that of wanting to just make peace with whatever and whoever i've affected. im aware i say a lot of dumb things in the dumbest ways, and usually its interpreted in the worst possible way — something im painfully aware of, because i am not a english speaker mainly and i have deep problems with communicating what i feel/think with words. i mess up, i jumble up wording, and thats ultimately okay — if i make mistakes, its usually trying to do something good (or something bad towards someone bad, like a racist person, or something similar. which isnt great either!). im glad to be asked apologies of whenever, because most of the time i just end up not realizing that what i say was innapropriate or hurtful, hence creating a lot of the conflicts existing between me & others.

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i can apologize roght now, naturally in a shallower "blanket" way, for things ive said. because i am sorry: and i hope i can be forgiven, but most of all i really just want people to realize that my mistakes are learning experiences, and not things im proud of. im working on a lot, and while im aware some people will just not have the wellbeing or otherwise patience to deal with my erratic behavior, i do ask to be humanized as i often do with others in my head — i am constantly defending people in my head, and while i shouldnt do that for some, i still am hellbent on trying to be humane to others.

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either way, that's all. having 400 followers was very sudden, and as much as i'm thankful, i humbly ask to be treated normally — please do not view me as some cool tumblr blog, big wowzer, a fan-having awesomest, and moreso a seventeen year old autism unit in their corner of the internet where they hype stuff (and people) up. genuinely just a silly blog for me, im not focused on follower counts or influencing or anything — very much the contrary, this is my corner of the internet, for me, not for others. and im glad to meet a lot of people, but i really wont hesitate to archive this and start a new blog entirely for my sake (and others').

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have a lovely day. please remember to eat and drink water, and take breaks! my activity has grown a little lower, and i plan to continue focusing mainly on my real life situations over online stuff. please have a moment to be kind to yourselves, and remember to keep love in your hearts! 💜🩷🤍💛🧡❤️

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TL;DR — please dont "be my fan", be my moot. treat me as some random friendly teenager acquaintance, and not a figure online. also, please remember i make mistakes while aiming to be good & do good; i like people and circles with them, and communicating in general isnt my forté, but i still try my best to be nice and do things properly. i'm more than glad to solve anything with people that needs solving, but since i can often make things worse by caring too much or trying too hard, i'll just leave this note here. thank you for four hundred moots, but please, keep me as a moot and not as a "woawza tumblr user", Please. ❤️‍🩹

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[im-smart-i-swear]

tfw youre trying to reconsile with your estranged '''''twin''''''' after months of avoiding each other (their fault)(they were a dick to you)(and shot you) but they just cant stop making it weird & about how theyre a terrible person

i think these twos relationship is very interesting. at the begenning buddy treated kuro like shit bc they were projecting their self-hate and guilt on him, also exasparated by them being technically twins. later kuro moved out bc of that and the two of them didnt see each other again for months.

when they met again buddy apologised but they didnt really form any deep relationship. they are both uncomfortable with each others presence due to how their relationship started & the imposed familial status that neither of them feels good about.

buddy feels guilty for how they treated kuro, they are also aware that this is just another failure in a long line of their failures. they know they fucked up, theyre used to that feeling at this point, and they simply accept that fact. theyre sorta weirdly apathetic about the whole thing when meeting kuro again - they made peace with what theyve done wrong and are just trying to do damage control atp.

basically they said 'i know what i did to you was fucked up and im sorry. i have a history of fucking things up and i did it again. im trying to be better and i fail time and time again but i will try again anyway, even if theres a huge possibility ill just mess up again. im trying to set things right and ill disappear from your life if thats what you want. you dont have to forgive me or like me. im sorry' (<-also notice how this apology is still sorta centered around how bad of a person bud is and not what they put kuro through. buds self-loathing is still shining through here even as they are trying to set things straight. in their effort to try and explain their thought process they accidentally focused on the wrong thing!!!! they dont really mean it that way but to kuro thats what it comes off as)

kuro used to hate or at least heavily dislike bud for a long time and thinks theyre a self centered asshole and also just plainly annoying. even the apology he got from them after months of radio silence on both ends didnt feel like enough to him. it felt like buddy was just using the apology as an opportunity to say 'im a bad person. sorry for that lol it will propably happen again, do with this info what you will'. it pisses him off a bit and he propably yells at buddy for it, who is very apologetic and just takes it, which just pisses kuro even more bc he WANTS a confrontation, hes angry and hurt and is airing out his frustrations at bud and he wants a reaction but he gets none. buddy knows very well what they did and are treating this as a sort of righteus punishment

so overall. i think their relationship is just kinda like this for a few years - long periods of avoiding each other interspersed with a few outbursts (sometimes kuro starts and sometimes bud does). after a few more years i feel like things might start being better, but thats only bc they both gradually grow as people sepeartely, which just has the side effect of making them both more chill. maaaaybe after a decade or two the animosity stops and they become friendly with each other but i dont rlly think they ever get to Twin Level Closeness. at that point both of them have their own fullfilling lives and are fine with things as they are

...or maybe not. idk man im still working shit out so this might all change and in a few months this whole rant will be ooc and innacurate, who knows! i certainly dont

(Also the doodle at the top isn't meant to portray The Apology itself, its just a little scene i thought was neat, dunno where exactly it (or if it even) falls on Da Timeline)

[miramilocamimira]

Villain Antonio???? Plez???

This is haunting me. It took so long to figure out what his reason would be and I realized if we lean heavily into pre-movie mama Mira headcanon, we really only need to start with a change at one scene.

If You Are Good

Antonio had come out of his room when Hiro told him that he heard Mira and Isabela come back. He had known that Abuela was looking for Mira but he didn't know what she wanted. He did know that Mira was trying to fix things.

All the animals kept talking to him. Telling him everything they knew. From Bruno being in the walls to his mom Pepa and Abuela having fought about what to use his gift for.

He loves his mom! He thinks. It's... Well, it's hard to say. How well can someone love what's essentially a stranger in his house? Antonio knows that's not what they all meant to have done but… the village came first. Abuela’s orders came first.

Except with Mira. He remembers when she'd break the rules and sneak him snacks or bandage his wounds or when she spent the whole day by his side while he was sick. She'd gotten in trouble for not helping pass out things or something.

It was funny. His Mira got in trouble for helping and for not helping.

“The cracks started with you.” He hears from his abeula and he feels cold. He looks down from his spot on the second floor and he doesn't need to see his Mira’s face to know she's hurt. Hiro growls and the others give out chirps and squeaks and more as they get upset on Mira’s behalf.

“Bruno left because of you. Luisa’s losing her powers,” Which isn't true! Bruno chose to leave to protect her! The rats said so. Earlier Dave the donkey said that he agreed with Mira and that Luisa deserved a break.

Barry is the one who comes up with the idea.

“Isabela’s out of control,” Flowers was out of control now? Antonio hears from some of the birds. He kind of agrees. Her having fun was out of line? “Because of you!” There's a bad feeling that feels like it's consuming him. He feels like he's on fire and covered in ice at the same time. Like he's gotten hundreds of paper cuts all at once.

He decides to do what Barry suggests. In a matter of moments, he and the animals are making their way up. Everyone else is focused on Abuela’s yelling at his Mira once again so they don't see him climbing.

“I don’t know why you weren’t given a gift,” Because his Mira, his Mami was perfect already. She was kind and caring. He'd always thought of her as good, as what good was supposed to be. “But it is not an excuse for you to hurt this family!” Now he knows he's the only one to think this way.

The walls are shaking. The animals say it's cause of the cracking.

There's a candle on a plate. It sits atop a windowsill to decide your gift and change your fate. He hears in his head. Something his Mira told him for as long as he could remember. Especially when he was feeling bad or scared. Well, in that impossible scenario, you’d stay here in the nursery with me.

He sees the candle. He doesn't hesitate to grab it.

“Don’t you ever- Antonio?” He turns around, candle in hand. They all start calling out to him but he focuses only on Mira.

And the hurt. The pain and fear, the doneness in her eyes when she first turns around are what does it. Even as it changes to concern and worry for him, he knows it was there.

If being good like the others will make him hurt his Mira for Abuela, if being good is what they are… he doesn't want it. Barry’s right.

If they're gonna call Mirabel bad then he’ll just have to show them what bad truly is.

He blows.

And

Everything

Crumbles.

[verybigvag]

Harmony

Teenage mutant ninja turtles

Summery

After everything that happened; even if they are no longer enemies, there are unresolved issues lingering in the air between them. Little did Karai and April know this conversation was inevitable. It's what they needed.

This would theoretically take place after season 4, ep. 16: Broken Foot and before ep. 17: The Insecta Trifecta.

This is my first fic ever and I'm pretty nervous about it as I've wanted to write fics for years but this is now me taking the first step. To anyone who happens to read this, I hope y'all enjoyed it. I would like to do more fics going forward but I can't say they'll be immediate though. Also I would like to get into other fandoms besides TMNT. Anyway, thanks again if you read this, I hope to be back here again soon.

Posted on my AO3, feel free to subscribe to me there! 2k+ words

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“Do you remember when we first met?”

Karai disrupted the tense silence like a rock shattering glass. There was a soft ringing in April's ears as the words echoed, her body could only stiffen awkwardly. She knew the brevity of speech would come to an end, but the words chosen almost seemed unwarranted… Almost.

April looked off to the distant sky line of towers and skyscrapers as she sat on the concrete edge. Initially unable to find the intent to face karai, but when the redhead finally forced herself to look over her shoulder, the fellow Kunoichi gazed to the right of them; unwilling to make eye contact.

“uhh, why do you ask?” When finally replying back, she made sure her tone was as simple as possible.

Even though it happened almost a long time ago, negative feelings were heavily associated with their first interaction. April always told herself she'd grown past it, Learned from it (which was true of course) she remained resentful; but worst of all, scared of the new enemy. Now with more than just the Kraang to worry about, splinter decided it would be best for April to remain in the sewers for her protection. It wasn't what she wanted but it was the best way to protect her. She’d spent so many nights, training sessions and moments alone, internally questioning her defensive abilities, how it wasn't enough and she hated it.

The quietness rang longer than expected, but finally a deep breath broke free from karai. “I never… apologized for that.”

That wasn't too bad of a start, it was better than nothing after all and it definitely had April paying attention now.

“I was so focused on my vendetta, I never thought of-” it was like the words were caught in her throat.

“I never thought how wrong I could've been but to find out I was raised with a lie like that.”

“You mean about your mother…”

The words reigned with sympathy, enough for Karai to finally look back at her and nod.

“Yeah.” It was the truth after all. Both shared a similar pain in their gut.

Neither knew where to go from here. April had given in to the strain on her neck and faced back forward, Leaving karai no choice but to take the first step forward. It was only a few short feet needed to make it at the ledge and awkwardly setting herself down right beside April; both immediately tensing at the now occupied space.

Who knows why Leonardo would set these two on patrol together, one would think he'd be more interested in partnering himself with Karai but it really doesn't matter now.

They weren't on bad terms, good might as well a fine word at best. Just acquainted if anything. Weird isn't enough to describe the allyship given the familial relation karai had with the turtles, Splinter and to an extent, April. Realistically a stranger shouldn't know the nuanced details of what life was like before what became of Karai, yet April did. Now they're alone.sitting on this cold ledge together, contemplating the day at murakami's shop.

“You know…It's not your fault,” April started.

It's almost like she deflated; ready for the wind to drag her away, but she persisted.

“s-some things are just beyond our control.”

Giving comfort to others was something April didn't do much, especially people she didn't know but what else was there to be said, especially now?

Karai could only give April a questioning look, hazel eyes scanning the reluctant face.

“I see…” Everything was still as she soaked up the words, It sounded like something splinter might say. Just the thought of him made her smile.

Life is strange like that. To think of the events that lead to our current point in time, even if we weren't involved directly.

“I suppose you're right.” Karai sighed “To be honest, I wish I had more control of things.”

“...me too.”

While there wasn't much said, it felt nice for both of them to know they weren't alone in their stances. There was an odd comfort found in it.

April took this moment to lose herself in her memories. Going back again to that day, being chased and cornered. She almost lost, could have been taken but by sheer luck, found an opening. An opportunity to take advantage of. “When you told me those things, I didn't know what to think. I don't think I'm special-”

“Wait, I don’t-”

“Karai let me finish?” The raised tone caught them both off guard. April paused to compose herself, taking a deep exhale before apologizing and continued.

“I didn't want to be special. I just wanted my life to be- in order… I just wanted my dad back. I lost my mother, I didn't wanna lose him too.”

This admission wasn't surprising but Karai's irises dilated for a moment, catching her off guard just like the first time she heard the confusion. That pain of being tumbled down the metro stairs seemed to shroud her once again. Given the situation Karai never held that against April, she was only protecting herself. Like she always had to.

“It's stupid, I know.” An exasperated groan left April's life as she massaged her Temple, believing the self deprecation would alleviate any embarrassment she felt after her statement, but she was thankfully met with reassurance.

“No, it's not.” Karai began, her voice the softest it's ever been.

“You were the center of an alien conspiracy, protected by mutants, trained by a great ninjutsu master, and now a kunoichi for one of the possibly last Ninja Clans left in the 21 century. That's pretty Stupid if you ask me.” only a jaded smile remained on Karai lips.

There’s an angst that settled in the air between that lasted just for a moment.

“Oh, my god you're right.” April’s hand went to trap the erupting chuckle, instead a soft muffle was heard. It was so silly after all. To think of everything that happened, it was a lot for one to deal with. It was a Marvel to think April was still here on earth. To have this moment of peace, and it was so nice. So, so nice.

For once, everything felt so still, so calm. Tranquility seemed like a rarity nowadays.

The turtles, April. Karai. They had more in common than they'll admit. The way a single man who’s obsession burned like a scorch from the sun, to affect them the way it did. Yet nobody ever wanted to talk about it, how could they? It seemed easier to forget and to just live on. The only time it was ever brought up was a private moment between Karai and Michaelangelo.

He was always so thoughtful, open-minded and emotional, and even angry under his chill and bubbly front. It was genuine of course but Mikey couldn't help but let down his guard, especially for his sister.

It was a brisk conversation. There were some things she couldn't answer for him but he understood that. At the end Mikey had given karai and hug so friendly, tight and caring; it almost made her uncomfortable but it was just how he was and she was ok with that. Never had everyone been so overly affectionate with her in such a manner, or affectionate at all for that matter.

It was different being here with April, watching her hold back laughter from a snarky comment. Karai didn't really see the humor in it. Maybe it was just a way to cope, to find the sense of comedy in those unforeseen circumstances. Unfortunately she didn't laugh much, or nothing could make her laugh like how another person would.

“Is it really that funny?” Karai’s head tilted in confusion.

“No…but yes?” The last remaining chuckles seeping out of April, giving her lungs room to breathe.

“I don't know, but I think so anyway.”

“I see.”

As the silenced peck, both only made eye contact and gave reassuring smiles. It gave them each other time to really study the other's face.

Karai finally realized just how large and blue April's eyes were. A deep hue that was uncommon, almost a little strange to her. Especially with bright ginger hair to contrast. Some couldn't help but think of the logistics of it.

“I just have to ask, do you ever think about…this?” Karai motioned her index finger in a circular motion, indicating at April's bust.

“What- y-you mean me?” A now confused April, her tone almost offended.

“No? I mean your whole, red hair and blue eyes…you're the only person I meet with recessive traits like this.”

“R-right…yeah.” It took a few seconds to understand what she meant. Genetics talk wasn't something she ever partook in. Except with the one exemption when Donatello explained how rare her gene combination was. She had already known how uncommon her hair type was but it made her head spin to realize the rarity of her gene combination.

“I've heard that alot.” April fingers began to fidget with each other as one of her thumbs began to rub against the leather of her suit.

“how people would assume both my parents were redheads. My dad was a ginger. My mom is the one with blue eyes…”

Karai’s face had fallen, but it was noticeable for anyone to notice. The way it seemed to be a sore subject for them both. At this moment though, there was a new interest, a curiosity in each other that extended beyond just them.

“What was she like? If you're ok to talk about it I mean.”

“Oh, it's ok…it's just- I never really knew her. I was really young but I have some good memories.” Off-putting ones she'd rather not reveal either, perhaps a story for another day.

“Even if I didn't know a lot, I still love her, I miss her and I feel maybe…it's wrong to feel that way with how little I knew her.” There was a heavy swallow from April, she closed her eye’s to deeply inhale. An attempt to stop the heavy weight in her irises.

“It's not wrong.” Karai interjected, a new sadness in her that she made sure to tame.

“I never knew mine. she di-... She was killed when I was only a few months old.” The correction in words seemed like an unusual thing to correct but it meant something to Karai. A truth she wished for soon but now, there is no need to hide what really happened.

“I can't help but think about her often. Wondering. Wishing for what could've been..” She sighed.

“All I had was a torn picture that Saki let me keep. He'd never really talked about her, he’d just tell that she was ‘the love of his life, and if only she was here with us.’, A truth to cover twisted lies really.”

April had given up trying to remain disciplined and let her eyes water. She's heard the story from splinter and the turtles, the first time even made her shed tears. Initially Yoshi was always brief and vague with his previous life, the implications were always unsettling to say the least. It made sense why he was always so distant, that isn't to say was not inattentive to his sons. Every parent has their issues somewhere, it's a given but truthfully Splinter could have been more emotionally available to his son's and in turn the turtles would have learned this, but it was never something to hold against splinter. Despite appearances, he's still human.

“I'm…I'm really sorry.” The words were crinkled as April attempted to wipe the watery residue from her eyes, even worried how she would be perceived at that moment but she was thankfully met with reassurance.

“It’s ok….well, ok isn't the right word but I think you understand what I mean. I'm sorry too.”

“Thanks.” April nodded back as she got the last of the watery residue from her eyes.

It was an unexpected thing to do. Neither didn't realize how they were now seated closer together; close enough for April to lean her head to rest on Karai's shoulder, sending a shiver up her spine at the physical proximity. She felt conflicted…or did she? It was hard to articulate how she felt about this. It was completely harmless but yet, karai didn't think she deserved this, the comfort.

Her lips pierced together as she thought about what to say, what to do. There wasn't a coherence thought in her head, it started small but now it feels like bees have somehow found their way into Karai's skull, a colony buzzing around as they did so many things at once.

Is this ok? Do I want to feel ok with this? Is April-

“Hey. it's ok."

It's like she knew the perfect time to interrupt Karai's headspace, making her chest deflate. It honestly wasn't hard for April to feel the other's rapid heartbeat. The swarming cloud that only April can feel. She didn't know how to help but the only thing that seemed appropriate was reassurance.

A weight seemed to be lifted from the atmosphere, as if the air became cool, flowing freely and Safe to inhale. Safe.

“Is this o-ok?” April asked quietly, but never lifting her head.

A hum rang from karai, letting her guard down just enough. Heart rate sinking to a steady place, and her head leaned to her right, resting on April's. Their shoulders connected, causing a meek smile to grow on Karai's face.

“Yeah. I think so.”

[ihavedonenothingright]

One of the big things I remember from my early Latin days is just how uncomfortable the other kids in my class were with the word "servus." Nobody wanted to translate it as "slave." If it came up in reading, without fail, it would come out in English as "servant." And for about the first year, our teacher would respond with, "That's not what that word means in this context," but she dropped it after a while because kids just couldn't internalize it. It didn't change the subject matter we were reading---characters were literally being bought and sold in these scenes---but I think it just obfuscated it enough for them to feel comfortable. And I think it helped that a good number of the characters in our textbook were freedmen, or the children of freedmen. The common refrain people use to defend ancient slavery is that it wasn't technically for life. You could get out of it (under a very specific set of circumstances outside your own control), so therefore it can't have been that bad, right?

I think a good deal of this problem comes from the fact that most people's first introduction to ancient cultures is some form of hyper idealized media. Percy Jackson comes to mind here for me because that's what most of those kids were familiar with, but a lot of translations of the Iliad blot out mentions of slavery where possible. Modern adaptations of it tend to go the way of "slavery exists, but only The Bad People do it" which leads to a lot of different (bad) justifications for why Achilles owns Briseis (Hell, The Song of Achilles goes so far out of its way to not make Achilles and Patroclus rapists that Patroclus isn't even a warrior). The sort of fandom that's sprung up around Greek mythos does the same thing; figures fans like have their crimes absolved or reinterpreted, and The Bad Thing (slavery, rape, bigotry) is confined to a handful of designated villains. So when people who are heavily emotionally invested in this picture they have of the ancient world---one which never really existed---are confronted with the facts of the thing, they tend to shy away from it. They provide justifications for the actions of historical figures they like (cue "Alexander the Great was ethical for his time") and defend these systems because "at least it wasn't racialized" or something.

I'm focusing on ancient Mediterranean slavery here, but this is exactly the shit people do for every instance of slavery. The Bank of London talks about their own history of slavery like this; I don't know if it's still going on, but they had an exhibit up called "Slavery and the Bank" in which they (lazily) rewrote their own history with a more positive spin to get ahead of activists. And so you get lovely refrains like "Well SHAREHOLDERS in the bank were investing in the slave trade, but the BANK never did. And the BANK never owned any plantations (except for the two we did in fact own because we accepted them as collateral). And really it was fine because look at how many abolitionists ALSO invested in the bank and, you know, for the time we were actually more ethical about it-"

For that matter, this is what the confederates did. Not just after the war with antebellum nostalgia and Gone with the Wind-type depictions of happy enslaved people, but during slavery. Aunt Phillis's Cabin is this in book propaganda form. And I think it's worth noting that this moral carte blanche when it comes to slavery is not extended to, say, Achaemenid Persia or the Ottoman Empire. Because for some reason, as soon as it happens in the East, it's barbaric and They Needed To Be Conquered, Actually.

People acting like slavery was good at literally any point in history kinda drive me crazy. There's been many different types of slavery and indentured servitude all throughout human history all with a lot of difference and nuance to all of them and all of them have been bad. Like it's fundamentally wrong to take a person's personal ownership of their own body and life away from them and/or to make them work for no compensation against their will.

Slavery has been a bit different in every society that has practiced it and it is always a different kind of bad with that core immorality of stealing a person's personal autonomy from them at the center of it. People throughout history have always preferred owning themselves to being owned by others. There's no ethical way to own another human being.

Like people talk about slavery in ancient times like more modern examples of slavery should've been more like that. No, they shouldn't have. Because they shouldn't have been practicing slavery at all. Perhaps a third of the Roman Empire's population was enslaved. It was incredibly normalized. Did that make it right? No. That was a third of the population that could legally be killed or sold or raped by their enslavers at any time for no reason. That had no ownership of themselves or their labor.

And to be clear, slavery still exists and it's still bad. The excuse now is just that it's only being done to prisoners. Like all the forms of slavery before it, this justification does not make it right. People being punished for their crimes, whether you think prison time is a justifiable punishment or not, are still people. They need to be given control over what work they apply to do and be paid for their work. This is basic stuff and yet. Forced unpaid labor is still happening. It's all bad. It's all nuanced and and complicated and different and changes with culture and time and it's bad.

Like as someone who loves studying history I hate watching other people who study history try to justify these things. Face your actual history. There's a lot of bad in it. We can't change the past but we sure as hell can stop ignoring it.

[mywritingonlyfans]

One Shot with Ethan Torchio // It's a bit Fluffly, Smut and Angsty

prompt: in which, ethan always need/visit you when he's not in tour + casual sex(?) with ethan tying you up so you don't touch him i'm telling you this but isn't a hardcore smut

warnings: it's smut. a fluffly kinda sexy(?)maybe it's just sexy bc it's ethan smut ig fem!reader

(he is so hot. i'm crying all my tears, and that's fucking pathetic.)

Your head hurt, you knew your face was probably red due to your desire to go home and cry, but yet, your friends convinced you to go out for a drink. According to them nothing was too bad that a beer couldn’t improve, you doubted it.

Somehow, you found yourself happy to have accepted.

You didn’t know Ethan was back in town, you briefly wondered why you didn’t know, since he always contacted you when he was near (or at least that was what it seemed to be). Still, you were glad to see him. He was always able to make things better, even if only for a short period of time; which in your case was very short one as he wasn’t yours to have.

Ethan complemented your friends, they were all too familiar to him. He hugged you, giving a small kiss to your head while sitting next to you. Suddenly, you felt like a stronger drink would do you good.

It wasn’t hard to tell what was going to happen in the next few hours, after a couple of years going through that, you knew the time you spent together would always be the same. You guessed that you were able to put his head in place, just as he did with yours; and that's why he always came back to you. You'd never be able to tell if it was luck or mischance.

“Was it too hard to find me?” You asked him.

By now, your friends had moved to another corner. “I mean, I’m not complaining, I’m glad you did.” You offered him a weak smile. He did the same.

He looked tired, yet deadly cute.

He shuffled his chair closer to yours, letting his leg touch your bare knee. “Not really, Victoria said she called you in the morning, then told me that you intended to visit here for the night,” he mumbled, signaling to the bartender that he needed a beer, and so did you.

“She’s a gossip,” you wrinkled your nose, causing him to provide offer you a nasal laugh that you had learned to find lovely over the years. “But what has been happenin’ in your life lately? You’re good?” You tried to sound casual, but deep down you knew he wasn’t there entirely for you. Something was bothering him, he was looking for someone to rest on.

“Pretty much the same,” he sighed heavily. He wasn’t tired just physically. “We finished the last album, I feel exhausted.”

He looked at you like a lost puppy, watching your face, analyzing if you were in the mood to listen to him, or even if you were okay with having him around. After all, he came to you out of nowhere.

He’d never make you uncomfortable around him, maybe he hadn't noticed that yet. “C’mon, let it all out. I haven’t seen you for too many months for you to deprive me of the details.”

“If I tell you,” he pondered, “ you’ll tell me why you have a runny nose to match your watery eyes?” He poked your cheek, dragging his fingers so he could put some strands of hair back in place.

His seat was now so close to you that you'd be able to rest your head on his shoulder if you wanted to without creating any bodily discomfort.

“I guess life just hasn’t been all that gentle with me lately.” You giggled at him. “I lost my job last week, the same life shit is goin’ on as usual, and when I finally managed to move to a decent place, I’ll now be actually going back to sharin' apartment with strangers, because, y’know, I can’t afford bein’ in there anymore.”

Ethan was quiet for a while, you needed him more than he needed you. Listening to you made him realize how his worries were nothing at all. He knew that you didn't mind sharing an apartment with someone, but the loss of perspective was always tough.

Without further thinking, he pulled you to himself, fluffing your hair and holding you tight in his grip. You didn’t cry, yet it was possible to read your emotions. It was little, but Ethan knew you.

You took your head off his chest while he still had his arm around your waist. Taking a deep breath, you stared at your laced fingers, feeling it slow down. “I guess it’s all happenin’ at the same time, I’m just not sure how to handle it at the moment,” he held your face in his hand, his mouth close to yours as he ran his fingertips over your chin, until his lips were on you.

He was soft and wet, he had the same taste you still had etched in your mind, at that moment it seemed to be all you needed. He let go slowly, distributing pecks on the corners of your mouth, letting his forehead rest against yours.

You two stayed like that for a few minutes and you could bet that anyone who passed by could see how much of a fool you were for him. You tried not to think about it too much, it was better to have little of him than to have nothing. “Ethan?”

“Huh?” He murmured with his eyes closed, giving your lips a tickling sensation.

“Kiss me more,” and then he did. Ethan was holding you in place while your hands intertwined around his neck. You played with the chain of his necklace, savoring the touch of his tongue on yours, focusing only on him while pulling at his hair to hear his soft moans.

It didn’t take long for the bartender to come get your attention. You laughed nervously against him, you were embarrassed because you didn’t even remember where you were, still Ethan seemed untouchable about it. He wasn’t one to be embarrassed over small things like that, at least not with you. The bartender was quite irritated with the two of you and just now you noticed that your drinks had arrived and hadn’t even been touched; he was rightly pissed.

Ethan stood up, lifting you up with him. You looked in your pockets for your money, but then Ethan said it was okay and that he’d pay. You would argue, yet any money left over would be welcome. You held both beers in hand as he paid, thanking the old lady for the service, still feeling your skin burning with embarrassment, and then headed outside to wait for Ethan.

“Are you drivin’?” He asked, laughing at your state of awkwardness.

You bumped into his shoulder slightly, laughing along with him. “I am not, I’m living nearby,” you whispered as he put his hand inside your skirt pocket, bringing you to his side for a walk. “In the apartment that soon won’t be mine… how ‘bout you?”

“Not drivin’, I thought about staying somewhere to spend the night.”

He was close to home, but not that close, it would take about 3 hours to get to where he lives; it seemed plausible that he wanted to stay. “Are you only here because of me?” You risked asking.

“Yeah,” he took his hand out of your pocket and ran it through his hair. “I didn’t think it‘d be a bad idea.”

There was a silence, but it was far from being uncomfortable. “You know you can stay with me.”

——————-

Considering that you were in the process of moving to another place your house was a bit of a mess. Ethan wouldn’t be bothered by that, somehow your instinct of wanting things always in place - aka Monica from Friends - made you wander around the space in an attempt to make Ethan at home.

“What ‘bout the new album?” You asked, dragging one of the boxes away from him. It wouldn’t even bother anyone, but the thought that it would be in the middle of the room while someone was at your house bothered you.

“I don’t really know, I feel anxious about releasin’ it. It’s not that I don’t want to release it or am afraid of doing so, far from that, it's just, I don’t know… ” His voice fell silent, lost in his thoughts.

You turned to him, wanting to ask him what he had said, after all, that didn’t sound like Ethan, you felt as his hands touched your hips, pulling you on his lap. “Y'know I don’t care about your mess, right? Just, please, stop walkin’ 'round the house dragging boxes.” He said with his face close to your neck, hugging you from behind. His warm breath was in contact with your soft skin, providing heat to your body. Well, there was a minimal percentage chance that you were trying to make the place look good for Ethan, just because he made you a little nervous.

“Okay, fine. I’m fine,” you exhaled, turning to face him. He was smiling with his eyes almost closing; he still looked tired, but at least you were improving his mood. “You know you’re good at what you do, Ethan. You shouldn’t worry 'bout those things.” You held on to his shoulders, breaking something that could turn out to be a pity silence.

He squeezed your thigh at the same time as he laughed humorlessly at your words. “I know that. I guess that this is the short time they gave us to finish the album – it was drivin’ me crazy. The album isn’t bad, not at all, it’s honestly very good. Dami did a incredible job, still if it weren’t for the time it could have been even better. That’s crazy how I’m still letting myself get stressed over this, don’t you think?” He vented, moving his hands up your skirt.

“I know it’ll be good, I can’t think of anything you did that ended up bad!” You ran your fingers over his covered shoulders, down to his chest, going to the first open button of his t-shirt. “But if it’s just stress I can help you.”

He lubed his lips, nodding assiduously, putting you properly on top of him. That way, you were stuck to his body, feeling the rough of his jeans along with the zipper against your underwear. You gulped as he held your face, sealing your lips with his. You were relieved he always guided you through that; the leading up part was way better when it came from him.

You unbuttoned the rest of his shirt in middle of sloppy kisses and grips. Running your hand over his belly, tracing your fingers to the back of his neck while moving your hips lightly. You lugged on his hair, pulling him away to catch your breath. You opened your eyes to find Ethan with a deep pink mouth and brown eyes more intense than normal, at that moment you could have sworn that he was the most beautiful thing you had ever laid eyes on. You spread his shirt to the sides, sensing your body getting hotter, when Ethan smirked at your rush, managing to hold both of your hands behind you; stopping you in place.

“No need to rush, we have plenty of time,” he clenched you in his hands. You arched your back, breathing heavily at each touch of his fingers on your wrists.

He ran his nose over your neck, placing kisses and bites on the way to your collarbone, leaving wet tracks that would later turn into dark marks.

Your legs ached from that position, the couch wasn’t the best, but feeling Ethan getting hard under you as you writhed yourself against him, made you want to stay there for as long as he wanted you to. It was crazy to think that at the beginning of the day you were sure that the rest of it would be a pure disaster, and now being spoiled by Ethan’s lips your worries seemed to fade away.

Temporary as that would be, you were determined to give him your all, making his and yours next hours one of the best escapes from both of you. Unnecessary to say that you were lost in your own mind by now, craving for having his strands in-between your fingers, wanting him tugged into you furiously, causing you to ache. Your mouth was ajar, your vision was just white dots as he played with your sensitive skin, driving you insane. Ethan paralyzed when his grip became too strong around your fists and you got louder than usual.

“D’you like that?” He did it again, but this time pushing your body backward. He kept his devilish grin on his face, watching you from top to bottom. You bit your lips, containing your noises to yourself. Such an angel in his eyes. “Up, babe. I need to see something.” He didn’t let you answer, not as if he needed to. You stood up in front of him, legs shaking with your head definitely not in the right place. “Undress.” He rested his elbows on his knees.

His face was serious, and you didn’t see any problem in obeying his voice, but perhaps, due to the lack of his body being glued to yours, you couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“Don’t act like you don’t like it when I tell you what to do,” He caught you by the hem of your underwear, helping to take it off while you got rid of your blouse. “Especially, when I just got you off my lap, almost unconscious 'cause of some kisses to your soft neck, pet.” He added, drawing circles on the inside of your thigh, smoothly going up to your center.

You felt your breath come to a halt. “You’re just too bossy.” You teased, confirming that your breathing was faulty.

He patted his nose over the damp stain of the fabric, placing a kiss there. “And you love it.” He pecked you a few more times, teasing you by running his fingers on the edges as putting the cloth to the side; never touching you where you needed him.

Almost involuntarily you took hold of his hair, bringing him closer to your core. And then, you understood his previous question, it wasn’t just about not being able to touch him, but also about the power he was having over you.

He cut his actions short and got up, hovering over you. “Tonight, you won’t be allowed to touch me, all right?!” He whispered, tossing your hair behind your ear.

That’d be comical in any other situation, yet with his body and eyes fixed on your frame you felt in his domain.

You nodded, diving into the way he pulled at the hair on the nape of your neck firmly so that you were looking at him. “Go on, babe,” He insisted on having the words he wanted.

“Yes, it’s all right, Ethan,” it was far from all right, you couldn’t do that. How could you go without touching, making a mess of his hair or marking your nails on his back?

“That’s my girl,” he praised you in between sighs.

He was excited while your face was overflowing with nervousness; not out of fear, but out of curiosity. He finished removing his shirt and indicated with his fingers for you to lie down on the couch.

You shut your eyes tight, with his voice echoing 'my girl’ in your mind, Ethan was lugging your wrists above your head as you did what he told you to do. He tied them with his shirt. “Is this hurtin’ you? Are you comfortable?” He tightened it in a knot.

Your head and elbows were on the arm of the couch, only your hands were unsupported. Although you weren’t uncomfortable, it was to be expected that pain would appear the next day; it’d be worth it. “No, it’s fine. I’m good.” You assured him as he knelt beside the couch, running his hands down your torso, making you squirm.

He went down to the hem of your underwear, taking it off with the help of your legs kicking the lace away. “Good then,” he warbled, pattering lines on your pubic hair. “Needy and in your proper place.”

“Bastard,” you swore through clenched teeth.

He grinned, admiring how your breast rose and fell in a quick but punctual rhythm while your hips fidgeted at his touch. You looked like a piece of art he had just created, swollen lips, filled in lovely marks on the collarbone. He found himself in need to concentrate on his breathing while watching you, to control his pulse as he reached his fingertips to your pussy.

“Ethan” you breathed out, forcing your fists. “Go on, please,”

With that, he held your hands, forcing them down and slid a finger inside you. Your lips opened in a sigh and he took the opportunity to kiss you, running his tongue over your bottom lip and nipping it to his mouth, keeping things on a slow pace.

You wanted to hold his hand, make him go faster or be able to pull the locks of his hair until he understood how much you wanted him, but you had no way of doing that, and you knew he was just doing that to provoke you.

His lips traveled over your neck again, this time giving light kisses, blowing air on the soft fresh he had left in there.

“You’re so gorgeous,” he said without even opening his eyes, delighting in your skin as he sped up, now rubbing his thumb gently over your bud.

You whispered something almost inaudible that Ethan recognized as his name. He raised his head, coming face a face to you. “Right there, huh?” He asked, focusing on the spot that was blurring your vision.

You groaned. The satisfying delight running through your veins. You closed your legs, wishing you could hold on to his body, but all he did was laugh, shoving his fingers leisurely into you.

“No, no Ethan,” you looked at him properly, thinking that if you hadn’t been with your wrists tied you’d have slapped his chest.

He wiped his hand on your thigh, and stood up slipping his jeans down his legs along with his underwear. You sighed at him, stretching your arms, staring at the ceiling to disguise yourself. Not that it was necessary, Ethan was already too much of a show-off when it came to you for your liking.

“You good? How’s your arms?” He doubted, getting on top of you.

He had his hair damp, falling over the spots on his forehead. Some of his locks was glued to his chest and his golden pendant dangled in front of your eyes. For a split second, you though about saying that you missed him, but you were wise enough to know better than doing such a thing.

“If I say that I’m not good. Are you goin’ to untie me?”

He pressed his chest to yours, your body sticking to his since you were both sweaty.

“Not even a chance,” He stroked your neck with his thumb, up and down, with a silly look on his face.

You grunted as soon as you felt how solid hard he was against your thigh, he aligned himself in-between your knees, holding on to your shoulders, and without hesitation he filled you up. Your body tingled and your voice failed, causing a silent moan to slip from your lips. His head fell over the crook of your neck and you could feel how dysrhythmic his breathing was. His warm body along with his breath hitting on your neck added a pleasant feeling in your stomach, leaving you dizzy under him.

“Move Ethan,” you tried to sound understandable, embracing his waist with your legs.

He thrusted deeply in you, leaving a breathed sigh of relief in your ears. You stretched out your arms, tightening your thighs around him. He held the shirt in your hands, preventing it from coming loose.

“No, I wanna touch you,” you whined.

“You will, just be patient, babe,” he squeezed your wrists in his hand.

Closing your eyes, you enjoyed the way his body was over yours, every movement and every delicate touch.

He went slowly at first, making sure you were taking all of him before going faster. Once he felt your walls clenching around him, he murmured a breathless 'fuck’, letting go of your hands so that you could finally feel him. You dug your nails into his back, kneading your body against his at the same time as he hugged you.

As you opened your eyes, he was already looking at you, with an intense gaze, building you up to feel sexy and wanted.

Both of you were a mess; sweaty and sticky. You felt a tingling ecstasy take all over your body, your toes twitching as you emptied yourself into him. He kept working on you until his body collapsed into yours, filling you up to perfection.

The last thing you remembered was having your fingers entwined in his hair, patting at it slightly as he whispered sweet nothing against your skin; just like a lullaby.

———–-------

You woke up to the noise of the television, trying to adjust your vision to the brightness of the daylight. Failing to stretch, you felt how sore your body was.

Your eyes searched for Ethan, finding him sitting opposite to you with a lazy smile and a cup of tea in hands, his attention was all on you. Friends was playing on the television, but you doubted he was really watching it.

“Good mornin’ babe,” his husky voice echoed through the room. It was the best thing to hear in the morning. “How’s it? Hurtin’?” He asked when you started examining your marked wrists.

He was fully dressed and although you weren’t, he had managed to get a sheet to cover you.

“Good mornin’. It’s fine, it doesn’t hurt,” you mumbled, scratching your eyes, curling up on the sheet. “How long will you be stayin’ in town?”

“Not long,” he paused thoughtfully. You already expected that he wouldn’t be with you for long, still sometimes you liked to think that it’d last longer than just a few days before he disappeared to another continent. “I need to go home in a few minutes, I’m going to take a flight at night to adjust the final details of the album.”

“Sounds nice,” you wanted to have the courage to tell him how he made things in your life look just right, as if he were some kind of piece missing from your puzzle. “I can’t wait to hear it, hear what your great fingers are capable of.” You ignored your thoughts. He laughed.

However, you truly believed that not saying anything was a wise move.

He lifted a cup from one of the boxes next to him, holding it out to you. “I made one for you too, I hope you don’t mind.”

You didn’t mind it, in fact, you loved the way he made himself at home so quickly. The home that soon wouldn’t be yours anymore. You wished Ethan could remedy your worries for more than just one night.

“Thank you,” you took the still warm drink in your hands, looking at him as if he were part of your decor. “You can smoke in here, I don’t mind that either,” you spoke up. You couldn’t even imagine that he’d have gone without lighting a cigarette all morning.

“The place is all clean, and smells nice. I bet you never lit one yourself, I wouldn’t do that.” He was right.

“Well, y'know that I don’t care about the smell, I just don’t see the need to leave the house impregnated with it.” You explained, remembering that Ethan’s house was a perfect description of that smell, yet you loved his place.

“I know this is going to sound strange,” he started. “But if you can’t find a place in time to live in… you can stay at mine, I mean, you know I am never home and as I’ll be travelin’ you could make yourself at home.”

He said it casually, and you knew he wasn’t lying, if you wanted to he wouldn't even think twice about letting you stay at his.

“No need, I’ll be fine. I do appreciate it though.” you took a sip of your now cold drink.

He bobbed, checking what you thought could be the time on his phone.

“You have to go, I guess?” You asked, your soft voice revealing you didn’t want that.

“I need to,” he gave you a small smile, getting up. “It’s gettin’ a bit late for me.”

“I see,” you went to him, adjusting the sheet on your body, feeling ridiculous for still being undressed. “I guess I’ll see you, right?” You added it while he picked up your stuff on the couch; keys, wallet and the pack of cigarettes. There was no answer for your question.

“Yeah,” he breathed out, heading to the door. “You could come and visit, spend a few days with us. It’d be nice.”

“On tour? Like a groupie?” You wrinkled your nose. His arms wrapping around you. You’d miss it.

He squeezed you into his chest, his tiny beard tickling your cheek. “You know you are much more than just a groupie for me, Y/N.”

You didn’t answer that. He pulled away and for a second you thought he was going to kiss you, but he didn’t.

“See ya Y/N,” instead, he kissed the top of your head. “Think about it, both about comin’ to visit and also about needing a place to stay for a while.”

“I’m sure I will, thank you Ethan,” you watched him, from his rumpled shirt to dark circles under his eyes. He’d always have a special space in your heart. “I guess I’ll see ya then.”

>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<

taglist ( 'cause someone actually wanted to be tagged, i didn't even force anyone😁): @maybanksslut , @oro-e-diamanti

[svtyeongwonhi]

Sleepless night - Yandere!Jeonghan One Shot

This is one of many requests that 1 Anon sent that I especially liked~

3. if you do only one member, then jeonghan one-shot where his s/o has a nightmare and how he would (if he would) comfort her

So here’s to you, anon  🥂 Enjoy!

BGM - Twilight - ATEEZ

"The moon is so beautiful tonight."

You softly spoke, gazing at the bright moon that was being enveloped by the clouds. You hear a soft hum in response from your side;  Jeonghan was right next to you, looking only at you the whole time, taking in your features one by one, admiring how you looked even more so perfect in the moonlight. You took a step back from the balcony and yawned, letting the weariness of the day sink in as you mumbled, "I think that's enough moongazing for tonight, babe." Jeonghan nodded, "Let's get you to bed."

You two walked back to your cozy bedroom, which was faintly glowing in the moonlight. You went to your side of the bed and let yourself get pampered as Jeonghan tucked you into bed. You closed your eyes and softly smiled as you felt Jeonghan hug your back gently and drift into the most comforting sleep.

To the contrary of how you fell asleep, you woke up in a pitch-black room. Everything felt sluggish and, you felt a faint voice calling out to you from a corner of the room, "Dₒₙ'ₜ ₜᵣᵤₛₜ ₕᵢₘ."

You felt instant shivers as the voice echoed throughout the room. You tried to see through the darkness hoping to get a glimpse of whatever was making this noise but, your efforts were futile. You gave up on seeing this being and asked, "Who are you?"

The voice, now in a much desolate tone, whispered back, "ᴬ ˡᵒᵛᵉᵈ ᵒⁿᵉ."

The paranoia sank in before you could even process what that could mean and, you realized you were in a dream. You forced yourself to wake up and, soon enough you did.

Jeonghan's P.O.V

It was refreshing to have a peaceful evening besides y/n after such a rough day of work. Well, any kill in the name of y/n is worthy enough, but it sure is tiring, but I'll have to lock them up for a while. They attracted far too much attention when we were at the restaurant. But can I blame them? Y/n is far too irresistible and, that's exactly why they need to stay by my side and my side alone. Luckily, they didn't doubt me much when I was away to do the deed. Oh my, I think they are finally opening up to me. I look towards my darling whose sleeping cozily in my arms. I wouldn't mind spending the entire night looking at them. Suddenly, I hear a quick gasp, and my love is awake, breathing heavily. "What's wrong?" I ask worriedly. Did they have a bad dream? Or sleep paralysis? Did I hug them too tight? Can they breathe well? My thoughts try to take over but I push them away, focusing on y/n.

Your P.O.V

You finally broke free of the dream, gasping for air as your chest seemed to tighten up. Jeonghan loosens his grip on you but still keeps you close to him, "What's wrong?" he asked. You looked at him, trying to process the dream once more, that being that told you to "not trust him." but who? Jeonghan? The words of your family members come flooding back to you. They always told you how Jeonghan isn't what he seems to be. But deep down, you know that too. You know how scary he gets when anyone tries to put a barrier between you two. You swallow whatever truth you were going to say and replied, "N-nightmare." Jeonghan immediately starts patting your back telling you comforting words, "It's okay, you're with me now, everything is okay" You try to breathe properly while listening to him, "Do you want to tell me what happened?" He asks in a reassuring tone. I try to fight every feeling of panic and say, "I was just trapped somewhere where I couldn't see anything. It was so cold and scary."

You prayed that he didn't notice that you were lying. He just hummed in response and kept patting your back. You tried to calm yourself down and look at Jeonghan whose just mindlessly patting your back, lost in thought. You take the opportunity to fall back asleep.

A/N - This was so fun to write! What do you think Jeonghan was thinking?? Let me know!

[concubuck]

Family, Part 1/3 - on blood, adoption, & found family

I've been meaning to write about Alastor's relationship to and thoughts on family for a long time, and now with the recent plot is the PERFECT time—and I realized that everything I want to say, I've already shared in some form on Discord, so I'm just gonna share it over here.

Blood family is IMPORTANT to Alastor—and ancestry is important to him, and knowing your family tree and connecting to your family roots is important to him. One of the two religions he was raised with focuses heavily on maintaining a spiritual/magical connection to your ancestors. He's a biracial man born only two generations away from a period when slavery violently separated families, and in response his maternal family is fiercely protective of blood relations. To him "family" isn't how someone makes you feel—it's a real, tangible, biological thing; it's your history; it's your heritage. It's where you came from centuries before you were born.

This affects his views on adoption. A few days ago Alastor said:

"If I decide to carry the child, I'd like to give the father first dibs on it—if he's not completely insufferable. It's best for the baby if he can grow up with blood family."

That's where that comes from. He genuinely believes that as long as a parent isn't 100% trash, a baby is better off there than with any adoptive couple—just because the parent is blood family. An adoptive family could never give a baby a connection to his real family tree. His roots. To Alastor, that's more important than nearly any other parenting consideration.

Also as a consequence of this, the idea of found family means jack shit to Alastor. I'm not sure he can be found-familied? If he's calling someone "family" he's never saying "you feel like family to me," he means that he considers there to be an actual blood tie. (Or, in alternates' cases, a... soul tie? Same difference.)

It's possible for a non-blood-relative (or non-alternate) to be considered "family" to him, but the options are limited:

Method 1: be an alternate's relative or a relative's alternate. Another Alastor's mother is his semi-family—although admittedly the thought of facing his alternates' family scares him and and he'd likely try to avoid them, but nevertheless that's family.

Method 2: join the family the way non-relatives have been joining families for thousands of years: get married. A relative's or alternate's spouse is an in-law. You're family now. Also, if you have a kid with an alternate and/or you're not-married-but-might-as-well-be (like, engaged, or living together), then you're "like family" which is close enough to make the annual Christmas card list. (Alastor doesn't actually send Christmas cards. "On the Christmas card list" is a spiritual category.)

And for him, that's it. Most people have a method 3: "if you're close enough then you become like family" and I don't think that category exists for Alastor. As far as I know he's never felt it before. None of his best friends have ever felt like family to him.

He's jokingly referred to Rosie as like an aunt to him but that's not because she actually feels like an aunt to him, but because early on she sorta tried to swoop in and fill a maternal role and he went "whoa there, you're not a replacement for my mother. You're an aunt at best." The label is not a way of bringing her closer but rather keeping her at an acceptable distance, and in truth he's a little bit uncomfortable with that title even in jokes.

Most characters who latch hard onto found family do so because their sense of biological family only goes back to parents/grandparents at best, and also their connection to that family tree has withered due to abuse or neglect or separation or just plain bad parenting. Found family tends to spring up amongst people whose blood family holds little or no meaning for them.

But Alastor's the exact opposite. Blood family carries SO MUCH meaning that found family can't have. If you meet someone from halfway around the planet who's really nice and good to you and you feel safe and at home with them… they can't give you your heritage. They don't connect you to your ancestry. They aren't part of the roadmap that shows the paths that led to you a century before you were born.

The things that Alastor values and needs from family are things that found family doesn't offer. So I doubt Alastor can come to see someone as family outside of "you're my relative's relative" or "you're my relative's spouse or partner or babymama/babydaddy." Things that splice a person into his family tree.

[helloalycia]

the real kara // kara danvers

summary: Kara gets affected by red kryptonite, but you don't know this, so to you, she just comes across really obnoxious and makes you uncomfortable

warning/s: i mean, i guess unwanted/uncomfortable advances?

author's note: this has been requested for a very long time now, so i hope it's okay! i’m still working on some wanda stuff, don’t worry x

masterlist | wattpad

Something was different with Kara Danvers today, and as I waited for my files to finish photocopying, I watched her from a distance, wondering what it could be.

Apart from the obvious, which was that she was wearing completely different clothing – a tight dress that was very different compared to her usual assortment of blouses and cardigans – she had a completely different aura about her.

One of the things I liked about her the most was her awkwardness, her humour and her clumsiness. She was adorable, the human embodiment of a puppy, but today she just... exuded confidence. Of course, that wasn't a bad thing, but it was just very unlike her.

As I returned my attention to the photocopier, I failed to hear the girl in question approaching me. Only when she appeared next to me did I notice her. The fact that she came out of nowhere made me jump, startled by both her presence and the fact that I had a giant crush on her so any attention from the blonde was near enough sending me into cardiac arrest.

"I did not mean to startle you," she said, leaning against the wall with a smirk. "Though, you're cute when you're scared."

Heat creeped up my neck as I looked back down to the photocopier. Did she just say that? Never before had she obviously flirted with me – I didn't even think she liked me like that – so I didn't know what to do other than stay quiet.

"You know, I've been feeling your eyes on me all day," she noted, and I suddenly felt embarrassed as her blue eyes watched me with amusement. "C'mon, Y/N. You're really not gonna give me any attention now that I want it?"

Swallowing hard, I looked up to see her watching me with a knowing smile.

"I wasn't staring," I defended terribly. "Just looking around. You happened to be in my eye-line is all."

She grinned. "Really? Well, I'd quite like to be in your eye-line a lot more if you'd let me."

Taken aback, I raised my eyebrows. "Er– I– er–"

"Look, I actually came here to ask you something," she said, straightening up and moving to stand behind me, looking over my shoulder at the photocopies in my hand. "As fun as it is watching you make a mess of yourself, which I completely get by the way, I wanted to ask if you'd go on a date with me tonight."

My mouth went dry as her breath tickled my neck. Never in my year and a half of working alongside Kara had I seen her act so cocky and confident and certain. I wasn't sure if I liked it.

"Don't stay silent on me now, Y/N," she said, her voice sweet and sultry in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "I only want to give you a good time."

I widened my eyes a little, glancing her way. She chuckled when she saw my expression, her hand resting on the small of my back as she stepped beside me.

"Not like that," she said dismissively, before her eyes looked me up and down. "Unless you want to go down that route... in which case I'm all ears."

Cheeks flushed and heart racing, I collected my photocopies and straightened up, feigning some form of assertiveness as I met her teasing smile and dark eyes.

"I don't know what's gotten into you today, Kara, but it's not appropriate," I told her, thankfully not trembling under her piercing stare. "I– just– don't speak to me."

Without another word from either of us, I pushed past her and stormed off, partially angry and partially upset that she had treated me so... so... sleazily. Kara was sweet, she was kind, she was thoughtful. Whoever that was back there wasn't the Kara I fell for. And she certainly wasn't one I wanted to get to know.

—

The next day, it was as if a switch had been flicked and regular Kara was back. I didn't understand how or what had happened to her, but as soon as I saw her stumble out of the elevator that morning, coffees in hand and hair dishevelled from rushing, I knew whoever was present yesterday was gone. But that still didn't change the fact that she'd treated me so wrongly.

I was sat at my desk, working on an article at my computer, when I saw a smudge of pink in my peripheral. Turning to look who it was, I frowned when I saw Kara approaching me, eyes apologetic and hands fumbling by her side. She was wearing a pink jumper over her blouse – back in her usual outfits, clearly.

As I turned to look the other way, not in the mood to talk to her, she stepped forward quickly.

"Y/N, please hear me out," she said, but I rolled my eyes in response, hoping she'd get the hint. She didn't. "I'm so sorry for the things I said to you yesterday."

I clenched my jaw, but my hands stopped typing as I looked down at the keyboard patiently.

"I was having a very... off day yesterday. And I know that's no excuse for how I treated you, but I'm so sorry." She paused, swallowing hard, before shaking her head. "I'm so sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. I'd never want that."

Unable to stop myself, I looked up to her. She seemed genuine, lips pulled into a frown and eyes tinged with sadness.

"If you wanted to ask me out, why would you go about it like that?" I asked, disappointedly. "In what world would I respond to something like that?"

She looked up, helpless, as she shrugged her shoulders. "I... I don't know. I just– I thought I would try something different. But I never meant for it to happen like that. You have to believe me."

I wanted to, but then the discomfort from yesterday's conversation returned and I was forced to look away from her.

"I did want to ask you out on a date though," she said quietly, hesitantly, as if afraid to say it at all. "Properly. If you want to go with me, that is."

Looking down to my desk, unintentionally coldly, I said, "If old Kara had asked me, then maybe I would have said... I'm not really sure I like this new Kara."

She paused, and I finally lifted my gaze to see she was nodding slowly, already taking a step back and avoiding my eyes.

"Right, yeah, of course," she spoke gently. "I understand." Forcing a small smile my way, she said, "Sorry, again. I'll, er, I'll see you around."

I watched her leave, noticing the way she mumbled to herself and clenched her fists as she did. I wondered if I'd made the right decision.

—

It was two days later when I got the bouquet at my desk after lunch. I wasn't expecting anything of the sorts, so of course, I eagerly found the card and read it in my head whilst ignoring my coworkers' curious stares.

Hey, Y/N.

Just wanted to apologise once again. And no, this isn't me asking you out. It's just a way to say sorry for acting like an idiot. I hope we can still remain friends. Or at least, I hope you don't hate me.

Kara x

Lowering the card, I looked at the bouquet of fresh flowers, heart aching in my chest. Over the past two days, the blonde-haired assistant had kept her distance from me, opting to stay away and avoid my presence, no doubt for my own comfort. Whenever I'd catch her gaze in the hallway or accidentally, she'd smile sadly, apologetically, before looking away as quickly as she could.

She was still her usual self, the usual self before the other day that is. This made me think that maybe she really was just having an off day. And now that she'd gotten me these flowers... I really wanted to go on a date with Kara. The real Kara and not the overly-confident, obnoxious Kara.

I left to find her as soon as I could. She was sat at her desk outside of Miss Grant's office, writing on her tablet and heavily focused in whatever task she was doing.

As I approached her, I took note of the way she chewed on her lip and furrowed her brows with concentration, smiling to myself because that was the Kara I had fallen for. The Kara I missed.

"Hey," I said when stopping by her desk.

She looked up, eyebrows raising with surprise. "Y/N. Hi! Hi. What can I–? Do you–? Hi."

"I got your flowers," I cut straight to the point, surprised at how certain I sounded compared to my usual introverted, shy self. "And the card."

She stood up, hands fumbling with nervousness once again. Clearing her throat, she said, "I'm sorry if it was too far. I just wanted to make things right."

"I'll go on a date with you," I blurted, making her look up with wide eyes immediately. Breathing out slowly, I continued, "I'd like to go on a date with you. This you, though. Not the other you."

She nodded slowly, looking as if she was still letting my words sink in. Suddenly, a small smile tugged at her lips.

"I'd like that," she said softly. "Maybe we can pretend the other day never happened and start again?"

I returned her smile, nodding. "I'd like that."

[dearestgojo]

Hi hi!! I hope you’re doing well :)

i haven’t followed you for long, but have noticed that you tend to make quality fics in impressive timing. I just wanted to know how you manage that, like maintain motivation and focus. If you can’t answer that’s absolutely fine !!

I honestly heavily congratulate you for managing to write high quality stories in such short time. i’ve been working on a few of my own and struggle with focusing on writing and obsessing over how i write it. So, to come on and witness you writing a 2k word one-shot in 2 hours is so impressive 😭🫶

Helloooo 💞, I'm doing well, getting over a cold. What about you? Hope your Wednesday is going good. the response it a bit long so I put it under the cut.

tw: mentions of struggling with jealousy

I wanted to answer this properly, so I waited until I had some time to pull out my laptop. The truth is I'm really bad at maintaining motivation and concentration on writing, I have several one-paragraph written ideas or fics that I ended up abandoning for the time being as proof of that. Writing a 2-3k one-shot fic in a span of a few hours is very rare for me cause I prefer to put that energy toward my longer fics, and I might argue that my writing tends to suffer even more than it does already when I don't spend time mulling over the details (ex: vocabulary). But every once in a while I get into this zone and just let myself type away and let the fic carry me where it wants. Letting the little ideas as I write to do the work for me, and not thinking too much about whether or not any of it really makes sense, and sort of just write for myself (and @sunaswife).

I've also struggled for the better part of a year with staying motivated to write and struggling with jealousy toward other writers who appear to be doing a lot better than me, constantly questioning if my writing is good enough. Seeing others constantly hit 1k notes in the tags, continuously putting out fics that hit that mark in a few days, while I struggle to even hit 300 notes in weeks, doesn't really make wanting to keep writing any easier. But here's the thing I let myself have my moment, let myself feel jealous, and turn that little bit of green that was allowed to feel into something productive, by picking up one of the fics I have partly written and writing a bit more for it. And I'm not sure how many writers struggle with jealousy, especially smaller blog fic writers, because I personally haven't seen many people talk about it, and when it's talked about it's usually negative, like how an anon might be jealous writer sending hate (which I think at times is true), and I personally feel like it should be talked more about cause it's a completely normal thing to feel that you can reflect on and use to motivate you to keep or improve your writing.

There are a lot of things you can draw motivation from, turning something negative into something productive (ex; jealousy, pettiness), random inspiration, making a deadline for yourself, etc.

As for how I stay focused for a couple of hours when I write something in a few hours like last night, it's hard to explain, but when you are in the zone of just writing for writing there isn't much happening outside of what's going on between your brain and the screen in front of you. There's nothing else in the world but just you and your computer. If I'm writing because I need to put something out, like a chapter or a fic I'm about to finish, I put myself in a quiet room when or where I know no one is going to bother me, and just spend the day mulling over the fic in front of me, taking an occasional break and food break to keep my blood flowing and not grow frustrated with myself. I might play a movie to play in the background, something that won't draw my attention too much so it might be a movie I don't like or have already watched, or play music, just because I hate very quiet spaces and would drive myself crazy if the room is quiet enough I can hear the sound of my heart or voices in my head.

And thank you, last night was just one of those rare moments when I felt like writing just to write, and not worrying over the smaller details, I'm not sure when it'll happen again. Worrying and obsessing over small things in a fic is something I think we all struggle with, it's hard to just let go of those things, but I do hope that you get to experience an in-the-zone moment with your writing, cause that's really what happened last night and it honestly doesn't happen the often. Most of the fics I release might have been sitting in my drafts anywhere between 2 weeks to almost a whole year.

[literarydemerit]

While I'm catching up with the podcast, here's a question: how would You go about writing a trollfic/badfic/jokefic, or rather, what concepts/tropes would've made a ~good~ trollfic in your opinion? You've mentioned the obvious My Immortal inspiration in many a trollfic over the years, and as someone who's been fascinated by bad fanfiction as an art form since, well, early 2010s, I've been wondering. I just think there's more to it than bad grammar and gratuitous ikea erotica.

Siobhan's thoughts on this, which I agree with, are that a quote unquote Good badfic/trollfic is one where you're able to tell the author is having fun and it doesn't feel mean-spirited. I really like this question though and I spent a while thinking about it, so here's some additional thoughts:

I think you're absolutely right that there is more to it than bad grammar and IKEA erotica. A lot of trollfics, in particular, aren't very good specifically because the authors think all you need to do to write an entertaining trollfic is write badly and include gratuitous sex (&/or violence, or anything else "shocking"). The trollfics/badfics we think are Good are ones that are honestly very creative — My Immortal has all sorts of crazy plot twists and a fun central premise (mall goth vampire wizards time traveling to seduce an evil wizard, also there's a bisexual love triangle), and Forbiden Fruit parodies similar Twilight fics about an original character breaking up Bella and Edward's relationship before going totally nuts in the last two chapters in a way no one could have seen coming. (I don't want to get ahead of myself talking about Blood Raining Night when we've only just started it, but it's also definitely a creative one. It has its own fanime!)

Regarding writing style specifically, there's definitely more to it than just making a lot of spelling/grammatical errors. To again use the two fics we've already covered on the show as examples, My Immortal and Forbiden Fruit are both very "badly written" in a technical sense, but they each have a distinct writing style that goes beyond just typos. Those two fics have very different writing styles, too! I think we may have said this on the show but they're kind of at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to badfic writing. In the case of Forbiden Fruit, it's also very apparent that the author knows how to write and is writing in purple prose, constructing nonsense metaphors, etc. on purpose.

The other thing (Siobhan mentioned this too but I wanted to expand upon it) is that a good badfic/trollfic can be read as satire or meta commentary (on the work the fic is for, on that work's fandom, on fanfiction in general, etc.). Of course many trollfics are mimicking/referencing My Immortal and thus are making some sort of commentary on My Immortal, which may or may not be interesting/insightful/entertaining. I think Forbiden Fruit is particularly good because it serves as commentary on Twilight fandom (of course lots of people have written fics about their OC getting with Edward, and from what little I've seen I think the "gothic new girl arrives in Forks" premise was pretty common). Twila The Girl Who Waz In Luv With a Vampyre isn't as strong by comparison because it focuses too heavily on trying to be similar to My Immortal and doesn't really develop its own style. I think it's fun that so many people enjoyed My Immortal and want to reference it in their own stories, I just feel like the story should have more to say than "I thought My Immortal was really funny," you know?