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twilightxprincesss · 10 hours ago

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Hate Me

You hated Bakugo. Hated his attitude, how loud he was, how he acted like he didn’t care. He hated how stubborn you were, how you glared at him, and how much he liked you. So when you two shared a kiss two weeks ago he didn’t know how to act. When you ignored him afterwards he cornered you for answers at a party, for reasons even he didn’t understand. Didn’t he hate you?

notes/warnings: implied afab reader (could be interpreted as any tho), enemies to lovers (duh), kissing/makeout, bakugo’s lowk a dick sometimes (what’s new), underage drinking mentioned, probably ooc at times

The music was loud, the lights were strobing, and the room was packed. It was a typical Mina party. These were never really your thing, but you’d always make an appearance for her since she was your best friend.

From the moment you stepped in you could smell the alcohol. How she always managed to get the stuff was beyond you, but you were never a heavy drinker anyways.

After chatting briefly with a few of your (slightly drunk) classmates, you made your way over to a corner. You were starting to get a bit overstimulated and needed to wind down a little.

Mina noticed and quickly made her way over to you. Once she got close enough you could smell the alcohol on her breath.

“Hey, you good?” She asked, a hint of concern in her slightly slurred voice.

You nodded as you gave her a reassuring smile.

��Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little overwhelmed, you know these aren’t really my thing.” You rubbed the back of your neck sheepishly.

Mina nodded as she pressed her lips together.

“I know. Thanks for coming though.” She reached out and put her hand on your shoulder.

You began to nod before your eyes trailed over to the drink table. You could feel your breath hitch in your throat as you saw an all too familiar head of spiky blonde hair.

Mina was still talking before she noticed you looking away. She raised an eyebrow before she glanced behind her.

“Shit. I didn’t know he was coming.” She gave you an apologetic look.

“Kiri’s always begging him to come, but he never does. I think I know why he came today though…” She hummed as she gave you a knowing look.

You continued to glare at Bakugo before he noticed. He looked away momentarily from Kirishima as he caught your gaze. You didn’t miss the way his eyes widened for a fraction of a second and his hand tightened on the drink he was holding.

You quickly looked away before you could see him glaring back at you.

“I think I’m gonna go.” You sighed.

Mina pouted before she sighed as well.

“You’re going to have to talk to him eventually. You know that right?” She tilted her head.

“No, I don’t.” You grumbled as your crossed your arms.

“Ok. Well if you do decide to leave that’s up to you, but don’t let that jerk be the reason why.” She hummed as she poured herself another drink into the cheap red solo cups she always used.

Mina walked away after that, leaving you with your thoughts as you continued to stand in the corner glaring at Bakugo.

She was right. Him just being there shouldn’t make you want to leave. You deserved to be there just as much as he did.

No matter how awkward you felt…

“Cmon, I know you can hit harder than that!” Bakugo taunted as you continued to hit blow after blow on him. Sure it was just training, but the way he was smirking at you made you feel things you didn’t want to admit.

You two hated each other. It was something everybody at UA was aware of. What you weren’t aware of though, was how much tension was growing between you two.

Each little jab and tease at each other grew from hatred to borderline flirting. Sure you’d noticed the slight shift in how his words made your heart feel, but that wasn’t affection. You couldn’t feel anything other than hatred towards him, right?

You shook your head, erasing any stray thoughts from your mind as you focused on hitting Bakugo. You used your quirk to land a few more blows on him, all of which he successfully blocked.

All except one.

You had managed to get the upper hand on him somehow as you swept your leg out from underneath him, causing him to fall to the hard ground with a thud.

You stood over him as you panted. Even he seemed shocked that you had managed to catch him off guard like that. He did seem a little distracted lately, but that was strange even for him.

“You were saying?” You smirked cockily as you reached a hand towards him to help him up. Bakugo panted as he glared up at you, wiping sweat from his brow. His crimson colored eyes darted towards your outstretched hand, almost as if he was considering letting you help him up.

He sat up a little and reached for your hand like he was going to take it, but just as he held onto it he pulled you down to the ground with him.

However, his plan to get back at you backfired and you fell on top of him with a groan.

“Ow—! What is your prob—“ You began to curse before you noticed your position. Bakugo’s eyes widened as he felt you lying on top of him. For once he didn’t have anything snarky to say.

Your own eyes widened as you froze on top of him. You stared down at him as your curses died in your throat, which was feeling especially dry right now.

He swallowed thickly as he continued to look up at you, not saying a word. Both of you were frozen, but with the proximity you could hear the soft pants coming from both of you.

Your eyes momentarily darted down to his lips before you forced them back to his eyes. What you didn’t expect, was for him to already be staring down at your lips. Shamelessly.

For reasons unknown even to you, both of you started to lean in. The next few moments were a blur, but when you finally realized what was happening you could feel his lips against yours.

It was surprisingly soft, almost as if he was hesitating, something you didn’t think he was capable of. You kissed him back before you could feel a voice in the back of your head speaking.

‘Don’t you hate him? What are you doing?’

You blinked as you pulled away. Bakugo’s eyes opened in surprise as you pulled away so suddenly, but it seems like he’d also come to his senses.

You pushed yourself off him, standing up and brushing yourself off.

Bakugo stood up as well, and to your surprise you could see the hint of a red flush on his face and the tips of his ears.

“Look, I uh…I gotta go.” You stammered. What had you just done?

You took a step back, but not before Bakugo attempted to reach out for you.

“Damnit, wait—“ He sighed, but by the time he’d said that you were already gone.

When you made it back to your dorm you slammed your door shut, letting your body slide down before you hit the floor. You were completely out of breath, and more confused than ever.

Why had he done that?? And why did you run away??

Regret quickly filled your brain as you brought your hands to your face, running them down your skin as you groaned in frustration.

No choice but to avoid him now I guess…

And that’s exactly what you did. For two whole weeks you didn’t say a word to him, or even acknowledge him. That didn’t go unnoticed from your classmates, and especially from Mina. At the lack of bickering from you and Bakugo, Mina pulled you into an empty hallway a week after it happened.

“Spill.” She gripped tightly onto your shoulders, staring you intensely in the eye.

“What are you talking about?” You laughed nervously, avoiding eye contact.

When she glared you knew it was no use. She could always read you so well.

“Ok look, when I tell you this you CANNOT freak out. Got it?” You sighed.

Mina nodded quickly as she let go of your shoulders.

“Pinky swear.” She held up her pink manicured finger towards you.

You nodded as you interlocked pinkies with her. As you let go you ran a hand through your hair.

“Alright…so you know how Bakugo and I haven’t been talking lately? Well, I was training with him a couple days ago and—“

“Just get to the point already!!” Mina exclaimed impatiently.

“We kissed.” You blurted out.

Mina blinked in confusion at you before she began to process what exactly you’d just said.

“No…Seriously??” She gasped loudly. You shushed her as you put a hand over her mouth in embarrassment.

“Yes seriously! Shut up!” You said through clenched teeth.

Mina gave you a sheepish smile as she pulled your hand away.

“Sorry, sorry. But him?? You?? Kissing?? What the hell?!” She whispered back in shock.

“I know.” You groaned.

“I don’t get it myself, I mean we hate each other. Everybody knows that!!”

“I mean, you definitely think that…” Mina hummed as she looked to the side. You raised an eyebrow at her strange comment.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You crossed your arms.

Mina looked back at you as she put a hand on her hip.

“God, I forgot how dense you are sometimes.” She sighed.

“You two might think you act like enemies, but that blonde idiot has a major soft spot for you. Well, as soft as he can be.” She hummed.

“There’s some crazy tension between you two. I’m honestly surprised he didn’t do anything about it sooner.” She shrugged.

Your mouth hung open as you listened to her. Things were starting to make sense to you now. The way he insisted on training with you because you were “the least weak”, how he’d been the one to save you an extra portion of dinner when you were up late studying…

A red flush began to spread across your cheeks as the pieces slowly began to connect in your head.

“Mhm. Get it now?” Mina smirked.

“No…He doesn’t actually like me. He’s incapable of feeling anything but hatred for anybody, especially me.” You shook your head, trying to deny the facts.

Mina groaned as she tilted her head back.

“Why are you trying to deny this?” She asked.

You continued to think about the possibility of him actually liking you. Even if he did you wouldn’t do anything.

And you knew exactly why.

“…Because I’m scared.” You mumbled. Mina’s annoyed expression dropped as she heard that.

She sighed as she pulled you in for a hug. You could smell the sickeningly sweet scent of her perfume as she held you close.

“Look. You don’t have to talk to him, but you also don’t have to hide the way you feel. If you like him, don’t keep avoiding him.” She hummed as she pulled away, holding you by the shoulders.

You knew she was right, yet you still couldn’t face your own feelings. So you continued to avoid him for another week.

That was until the party. You were convinced that you would avoid him for the rest of your life, and nothing would come from it. I mean he also hadn’t said a word to you in those two weeks, maybe he regretted it.

You secretly hoped that wasn’t it.

You pushed yourself off the wall and walked away from the corner over to the opposite side of the room. You locked eyes with Bakugo as you made your way over to the drink table a few feet away from where he was talking with Kirishima.

To your surprise, he didn’t look away this time. You however, broke eye contact and focused on pouring yourself a drink, mixing it with some soda to make it bearable.

You downed half of it before wiping any excess off your chin. You internally winced at the taste before sighing and holding your cup to your chest.

“Thought you didn’t drink.” An all too familiar voice spoke up behind you. You didn’t turn around at first as you froze.

You scoffed lightly as you kept your back turned.

“Seriously? You’re still ignoring me?” The voice scoffed back. A hand spun you around and you were forced to glare up at Bakugo.

His blonde eyebrows were knit together in frustration, but there wasn’t a hint of disdain in his gaze.

Your eyes momentarily flit over to his large hand gripping onto your shoulder before you sighed.

“What.” You spoke dryly. It hurt you a little to be so rude to him, but it wasn’t like you hadn’t been before. So why did it feel so difficult now?

His crimson eyes narrowed at your tone as he let go of your shoulder.

“The hell do you mean ‘what’?” He scoffed.

“You seriously gonna keep avoiding me?” He asked. Even if it didn’t show in his voice, he seemed a little hurt.

You glared down at your cup as you shifted nervously on your feet.

“I have nothing to say.” You mumbled.

“Oh, bullshit.” He scoffed.

You flinched before you looked back up at him.

“I’m leaving.” You rolled your eyes, making an attempt to push past him.

He didn’t allow that though, and his hand reached down for your wrist. He pulled you closer before he spoke.

“Talk to me, damnit. Quit running away like a coward.” He growled, running his free hand through his spiky hair. He seemed almost a little desperate…

“Coward?” You scoffed defensively.

“Yeah. Coward.” He didn’t back down, and his voice had begun to slightly raise.

“You wanna talk about being a coward? You haven’t exactly made an effort to talk to me either smartass!” You exclaimed.

Bakugo’s eyes widened slightly at your raised voice, but he continued to hold onto your wrist tightly. He knew you were right, but he’d rather die than admit that right now.

“Well I am now, aren’t I?” He shot back.

A few eyes were on the both of you now as you continued to argue in the middle of the party.

“That’s not—“ You began to shout back before you noticed how many people were looking at you two arguing. You could feel your face start to burn in embarrassing as you glared down at Bakugo’s tight grip on your wrist.

“Fine.” You spoke through clenched teeth.

“Let’s talk.”

Bakugo pulled you into the hallway by the wrist and there wasn’t much you could do to get out of his tight grip. When he finally let go you were basically caged in, your back was against the wall and he stood in front of you with his arms crossed.

“Well, here we are. What do you want?” You scoffed. You were clearly putting up an irritated front. In truth, you felt so nervous you could puke up that gross alcohol you’d just been sipping on.

“What do I want?” Bakugo glared.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe to have an actual conversation about what happened, instead of you avoiding me like the damn plague!” He scoffed.

You could feel your chest tighten with guilt. He was right. You shouldn’t have avoided him, and you knew that all along. But you can’t help being scared…

“I can’t exactly run now.” You muttered.

That just made Bakugo more irritated as he blew out an annoyed huff of air through his nose.

“Ok…We kissed. It was just a one time thing, it didn’t mean anything and clearly you regret it so just forget it.” You crossed your arms, trying to sound indifferent but failing miserably.

“Hah?” Bakugo looked extremely confused.

“The kiss. Let’s just forget it happened and go back to hating each other like normal.” You avoided his gaze as you continued trying to sound like it didn’t bother you.

“Like hell we are!” Bakugo exclaimed angrily.

“I lose my damn mind for two weeks because of that, and you’re telling me to ‘just forget it’?! Get over yourself.” He glared.

Your eyebrows furrowed as he continued.

“Maybe…” He sighed, running a hand through his spiky hair in frustration. His tone grew a little softer.

“Maybe it meant nothing to you…but you of all people should know I don’t do something if I don’t want it. If it doesn’t mean something to me.”

That was the softest you’d ever heard him speak. He almost sounded a little insecure…

You were looking at him now with wide eyes. Bakugo, who you were sure hated you, especially after that kiss, basically just confessed to you.

“You’re such an idiot…” You muttered.

That didn’t go unheard from Bakugo whose eyes immediately shot up to yours with an annoyed glare.

“It meant something to me too I just…” You sighed, unsure of how to word your feelings. Were you really doing this?

“I’m scared ok. I’m scared of the way you make me feel, you make me feel vulnerable and i hate it. So pretending to hate you is easier than possibly accepting any feelings I might have.” You looked at the ground.

“Dumbass.” Bakugo scoffed.

Your eyebrows furrowed as he said that and your looked back up at him. But to your surprise as your eyes met with his, you could see a pink flush on his cheeks.

“You think I’m not scared too?” He crossed his arms.

“You make my damn heart feel like it’s going to explode, I hate it. But…I don’t hate you.”

You paused hearing the last part. You titled your head a little as you stared at him, watching his cheeks continue to burn red.

“You don’t hate me…?” You asked softly.

“Never did.” Bakugo muttered.

That shouldn’t have made you feel as good as it did, but internally you felt giddy. You continued to look up at him and the more you did the more you could feel your eyes being pulled back towards his lips.

That didn’t go unnoticed by Bakugo who silently licked his lips, almost in slight nervousness.

“What…?” He asked lowly.

“Nothing…” You mumbled.

Bakugo stepped a little closer, and you could feel your back pressed up against the wall. He was so close now you could faintly feel his breath on your cheek.

“Bullshit.” He scoffed, tilting his head closer to yours.

You wanted to kiss him again so bad.

So you did just that.

You rolled your eyes before pulling Bakugo in by his shirt, gripping the black fabric in your fists as you crashed your lips against his.

He wasted no time in kissing you back. Clearly he’d wanted this just as much as you.

His hands gripped your waist as he pulled you even closer. Even though he was kissing you so aggressively, he seemed almost nervous.

“Slow down…” You mumbled into his lips. He let out a low groan before he nodded, reflexively gripping at your hips before beginning to slow down reluctantly.

He pushed you up against the wall as he continued to move his lips against yours. It was heated, and you could practically breathe him in. His scent of slight carmel and something smoky filled your nose as all you could think of was him.

You began to kiss him back a little harder, which only got another groan from the back of his throat. You slowly moved your hands up the back of his neck and into his spiky blonde hair.

That was the first time you’d ever touched his hair without him pulling away, and it was surprisingly soft.

Your fingers flexed around the spiky strands and you gently tugged on them a little as you continued kissing. That just made his grip on yours hips tighten as his hands slid down further to the back of your thighs.

To your surprise he pulled you up on the wall, holding you by your thighs as he brought them around his waist. Somehow through all of that he didn’t break the kiss once.

You decided to take it a step further and gently pressed your tongue against the seam of his lips.

That must’ve surprised Bakugo because his palms let out a small spark against your thighs, causing your eyes to open up.

“Sorry, sorry…” He mumbled into your lips, but he still didn’t move away. You closed your eyes again and went back to what you were doing.

He allowed your tongue to slip in between his lips for a moment, but you could tell he preferred being the one in control. His tongue slid against yours and he slightly tilted you back to give himself better access.

You could feel yourself slowly running out of breath, but you desperately wanted to continue.

Bakugo clearly felt the same, but he couldn’t take it and pulled away.

He was panting as he slowly opened his eyes, and so were you.

The two of you caught your breath in silence as you slowly took in what just happened.

“That was…better than last time.” You said breathlessly. That earned an eye roll from Bakugo, but you didn’t miss the subtle smirk tugging on his lips.

“Damn right it was.” He muttered before he leaned back in for another kiss.

“I can show you an even better one..” He hummed lowly.

“I doubt it.” You smirked.

“That a challenge?” He smirked back.

“Sure. Why not.” You hummed back teasingly.

“I’m gonna make you eat those words.” He replied lowly as he crashed his lips against yours again.

One thing was for sure, you definitely couldn’t consider him your enemy after this.

dude this took WAYYYYY too long to finish but here u go Bakugo girlies

i want to write more for mha honestly it was fun

fic is named after the song Hate Me by Ellie Goulding

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!

#mha #mha x reader #mha fanfiction #mha bakugou #mha bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugou #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo mha #bakugou x you

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greenwitchfromthewoods · 2 days ago

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Right Beside Me. [chapter 2] l Harry Castillo

Harry Castillo x f!reader

bio : You and Harry had been friends for a few years. When he told you about his plans, despite your concerns, you supported him in his decision. Later, you were there for him as he tried to find his way in a new situation, when he was looking for the love he had always dreamed of. You were looking for the same thing too… But maybe you were both looking in the wrong places?

warnings: spoilers! If you haven't seen the movie The Materialists and don't want to know the plot, skip this story; friends to lovers; self-doubt; complexes and low self-esteem; alcohol; tears; Lucy appears; argument; Reader in poor mental health

a/n : .

your feedback is very important to me and I want to thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. I secretly hope you like this story.🖤 sorry for all the mistakes

[my masterlist] [Harry Castillo masterlist] [Right Beside Me. - masterlist]

Harry Castillo had achieved his goal – he'd been noticed. Wherever he went, he felt women's eyes on him and knew he was now a good match for them.

For the next few weeks, he went out at night. He met friends, flirted with women, and notes with phone numbers ended up in the bottom of his pockets. He felt the same way he did when he got his driver's license or could legally buy alcohol. Everything was new and better than before.

He hadn't forgotten you, but your relationship had noticeably diminished. You felt awkward when you went out to dinner with him one day and you sensed the girl sitting a few tables away with her boyfriend looking at Harry, clearly trying to get his attention. Being a third wheel wasn't at the top of your priorities, so you started making excuses to avoid seeing Harry.

He didn't notice. His new life had completely consumed him.

Although you clearly felt his absence, you were happy that he had what he so desperately wanted. Harry's height had always been a huge complex for him. Although he was a wonderful, intelligent, and charming man, his love life wasn't exactly a success, and you thought that was terribly unfair. Now you watched him live life to the fullest.

Mary placed the coffee mug on your desk and then leaned against it, watching you work. Your eyes were practically glued to the monitor, and you barely managed to utter a quiet, "Thanks." It had been that way for weeks.

"Harry hasn't visited us in a while," she finally said, pushing back her black hair. "Is he okay?"

"Yes, I think so," you replied, continuing your work. Mary nodded.

“And… Is everything okay between you two?”

You glanced at her briefly, a slight frown appearing between your brows. “Yes, why do you ask?”

Mary shrugged and took a sip from her coffee mug. “He doesn’t come over to your place after work. You don’t go out. I thought you were friends.”

You stopped for a moment, and an image of Harry flashed before your eyes. It had been over three weeks and several messages since you last saw him. You couldn’t even remember what he’d texted you about, or if you’d even replied.

But Mary continued. “You know, I saw him yesterday. At one of the pubs I used to go to with Jack. Is he seeing someone?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” You felt a strange tingling sensation throughout your entire body. “Why do you ask?”

She shrugged again. “He was flirting with some woman, and I thought you… You know.” Seeing your surprised look, she quickly explained, "He was always so nice when he came here. You seemed happy in his company."

"I was, but he's just my friend. If he was flirting, then great. Harry should find a nice girl who would really appreciate him."

"Okay." Mary took another sip. "That's funny." She snorted, shaking her head. "But I didn't think he was that tall."

You hadn't told her Harry's secret, but after that conversation, your thoughts kept wandering to him. Harry's absence was clearly felt, which was why you pulled out your phone after leaving work.

"So, how are things going with you and Amy?"

"Amy?" Harry scratched the back of his neck and stared down at his drink. "I'm dating Kate now."

"Oh."

"Oh" was the perfect response to many of the things Harry had said to you that evening. You finally managed to meet at a small, intimate restaurant and get a booth. He looked different. Like someone at the top of his game and in perfect shape. Unlike you.

"Sorry." You rubbed your eyebrows, clearly confused. "I was thinking about Amy... But okay. So how's Kate?"

"Okay, I guess. She's nice," he replied. "Actually, I'll see her later."

"Oh."

You quickly glanced at your watch, wondering how much more time he had allotted you. A sinking feeling filled your stomach.

"What about you? Maybe we could go out for dinner this weekend? You could meet Kate."

"I'm sorry, but Matt bought two theater tickets and..."

Harry's dark eyes widened. Had he missed something?

"Matt?" he repeated, surprised.

You took a sip of your drink, feeling the sweet liquid fill your mouth. It gave you a moment of respite. You finally spoke. "Yes, Matt. The same one for weeks."

You hadn't considered how your words would sound, but from Harry's reaction, you knew he might be offended. He shifted on the sofa.

"Not like me, huh?"

Without thinking, you grabbed his hand. "That's not what I meant, Harry." He nodded halfheartedly. "Really. Jesus, I'm sorry."

He raised his hand, signaling you to stop. "You know, I didn't think the fact that I was finally a good match would bother you."

"Wh-what?"

"Is it bad that I finally have the chance to choose, instead of waiting for someone to choose me? I thought you cared."

You looked at him as if seeing him for the first time, and in a completely different light. You'd known Harry Castillo for years, but the man only had his face. You swallowed before deciding to speak.

"I care, Harry. You know that," you said quietly, your hand, which had been holding his for a moment, returning to your end of the table. "You misunderstood my words. I didn't mean to… I didn't think… Never mind."

You leaned back in your chair, suddenly feeling completely exhausted. This whole situation, this meeting, had been a complete disaster. In an instant, you wanted to go back to your apartment and leave it all behind.

Harry saw the discouragement written all over your face. Despite everything, he'd hoped you'd still support him, that as his friend, you'd offer him advice or be involved in his life in some way. Instead, he felt you'd drifted away from him, and he didn't know what to do about it. He'd forgotten about Matt. This was probably the same guy you'd once dated. But Harry didn't think you'd continue dating. You didn't mention it to him. Or did you?

Deep in his memory, he tried to dredge up some information, something you might have said or written. He felt increasingly foolish, realizing he only knew the name and nothing else about the man you were dating. Finally, something dawned on him.

"He works in finance, right?"

You glanced at him. "No," you replied calmly. "In advertising."

"Oh, right." Harry nodded. "Damn, sorry, sweetheart. I've been a bit busy lately. Too much going on."

"Sure, I get it."

A painful lump formed in your throat as you felt ignored by someone so close. This had never happened to you before, not with Harry, and you didn't know how to deal with it. The atmosphere at the table grew awkward, and Harry noticed you glancing at your watch. The rift between you was clear.

"Peter's engaged," Harry announced unexpectedly. You looked at him with mild interest, but it was something. "He met Charlotte through Adore. They do matchmaking."

"Oh." You raised your eyebrows. "And it worked?"

"Apparently." Harry smiled. "His parents are thrilled. They met shortly after the procedure. Love at first sight."

"That's rare, but congratulations." You took a sip of your drink. "My friend from work recently got married. It's a bit unfathomable, don't you think?" Harry looked at you questioningly, so you continued. "I mean, I don't know if I'm cut out for it. I don't mind monogamy, but I don't know if anyone would want to commit to me forever. Until death do us part."

You both chuckled. "I think you're definitely someone's dream come true. You're too hard on yourself." Harry replied, "But I'm wondering... Maybe I'll use their services too. What do you think?"

You shrugged. "I thought you were in top form right now. You said Kate was nice."

"Yes, but I don't know if that's what I'm looking for in a partner."

You looked at Harry with interest, asking, "So what are you looking for?"

He thought for a moment, swirling his drink in his hands. "Soulmates? Someone who will be there for you no matter what, through thick and thin. Someone who will listen and with whom silence won't be scary. Someone I can laugh with and share common goals. Is that silly?"

You shook your head, and Harry felt your expression soften. "I think we're all looking for the same thing. Just maybe in the wrong places."

After that evening, Harry felt like a splinter had been planted in his mind. The look in your eyes, what you'd said, all of it kept replaying in his head. When Kate said she wanted to focus on herself, he hadn't cared at all. He had a ton of work that consumed most of his time, but when he returned to his apartment, you filled his head again.

You exchanged a few messages, but they were nothing more than polite phrases or sentences like, "We have to meet up," "There's that movie you were talking about at the cinema. It looks interesting." "A new restaurant is opening nearby, we should check it out." You were drifting away from him; he could feel it and see it.

For the past few weeks, you'd felt like you were in the eye of a storm. Work had consumed your entire life. When you got home, all you had the energy to do was shower, grab a quick bite to eat, and fall into bed. But it wasn't the kind of exhaustion you could overcome with sleep. Physically and mentally, you were feeling worse and worse.

Yes, you missed Harry, but what you really missed was someone you could fall apart with, tell him you were exhausted, that you wanted to hide under a blanket and stay there forever, or at least a month.

Matt was genuinely kind when he tried to comfort you, but he was also consumed with work. His company was receiving tons of orders, and they were fighting for every customer. You felt it was simply unfair to burden him with your problems.

You were behind on groceries, laundry, cleaning, dentist appointments, and even texting. Your life was a chaos, and you were trying to keep yourself afloat, even though it was difficult.

Your brain hadn't even processed Lucy's appearance.

Lucy was beautiful. Harry noticed that immediately. She was also intelligent, and talking to her was truly enjoyable. She perfectly met all his expectations. This conviction blossomed within him over the next few weeks. He wrote to you about Lucy, even proposed a double date, but his message went unanswered.

And then came the breakup.

Something Harry hadn't expected. Not since he'd already chosen an engagement ring. But Lucy was right. There was no love between them, only an arrangement, and that couldn't work.

He needed you. You were the first person who came to mind that night, and the only one who stayed in his mind after returning from Iceland. Not everyone would be willing or able to accept him in such a bad state. You knew how to handle that. God, you knew how to handle anything.

He returned down the same hallway as before. The soft carpet muffled his footsteps. A woman who had emerged from one of the rooms looked at him with a smile, but Harry continued walking.

"Harry?"

He turned, spotting a familiar face. Mary was heading toward him, her expression a mixture of curiosity and surprise.

"Oh, hi," he greeted. "I came for..."

"I know," she interrupted, clutching the files she was carrying to her chest. "But she's not here."

He frowned. "She's not here? Did she go home?"

A look of sadness crossed Mary's beautiful face. "You don't know anything?" she asked. He didn't need to answer, because she saw it in his eyes. "She hasn't worked here for almost two weeks."

"What happened?"

Mary glanced down the hall where other staff members had appeared, nodded to Harry, and together they headed in the opposite direction. Her voice was quiet, but her nervousness was clear.

"It was a difficult time for her," she said. "I kept telling her to rest, to take it easy, but you know how she is. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore... After one of the hardest days, she quit. I haven't spoken to her much since; she hasn't replied to my messages." They stopped in front of the reception desk, where Mary finally looked at Harry with concern. "You really didn't know anything? You're friends, right?"

Harry swallowed, feeling as if something heavy had been placed on his shoulders. He knew nothing. Something had been happening to you for weeks, and he knew nothing.

"I..." he began, but had to clear his throat. "I'll go see her. I'll see if she's okay."

Mary nodded. "Please ask her to let me know she's okay. I'm worried."

"Sure, I'll tell her."

This was definitely not what he expected when he arrived at your office. As soon as he left, he picked up the phone and dialed your number, but as expected, it went to voicemail. He had to meet you in person; he had no other choice.

☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

taglist: @enchantedreader @sarahhxx03 @wencontre @stevie75 @orcasoul @picketniffler @perfectpoetrybluebird @saltyfartdreamland @beaagiannelli @the-curator1 @lillaydee @inlovewithchrisevans123 @chewie-bars @chrrypascal @person-005 @avengersfan25 @tezooks @kakiki3 @beezusvreeland @mallingcalling-blog @wand-erer5 @missladym1981 @sunnytuliptime @purplerain04 @la-vie-est-une-fleur29 @maryfanson

#pedro pascal #harry castillo #harry castillo x reader #the materialists #right beside me series

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chrattvibe · 2 days ago

Text

៹New experience. nerd!matt.

situationship, suggestive content, smoking, dealer!chris cameo.

I never really overthought things when it came to her.

But today, I found myself folding the same blanket over and over again, and making sure the cushions on the couch were fluffy enough.

I wasn’t nervous. Not that. But yeah… excited.

She’d never been here before. I’d never brought her. Not because I didn’t want to, but because Nick and Chris were always around, and I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. Besides, what we had wasn’t really something to show off yet. Not quite.

I left the blanket neatly draped over the back of the couch just as I heard Chris’s footsteps coming up the stairs.

“Matt? You’re still taking Nick and me to—wow.” He stopped dead when he walked into the living room “Are we... expecting guests?”

I nodded, plopping down on the couch, taking in the spotless living room.

It’s not like I’d gone crazy cleaning —we’re not that messy— but I wanted everything to be just right for her.

Chris raised an eyebrow and gave me a sly smile.

“Is she coming over?”

“Yeah. I invited her for dinner. You guys might have to take an Uber back.”

Chris grabbed a can from the fridge and sat back down on the couch. He slipped his hand into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a simple ziplock baggie. A well-rolled joint inside.

“I was gonna leave this for you. If you’re still thinking about it, that is.”

I took it carefully. It was the same strain he’d told me about, the mellow one. No paranoia, no getting stuck on the couch. Perfect for a first try.

I’d been curious for a while. Not because of pressure or something like that, just... because.

“Is this the same stuff you mentioned the other day?”

“Yeah. Mellow. Smooth. Good first trip.” He leaned on the edge of the couch, looking at me “You don’t have to do it today, obviously. But I’m giving it to you before I forget. I’ve had it in my pocket for like— days.”

I nodded slowly. “Thanks man. Maybe I’ll try it tonight, with her.”

“No problem. Just… be careful. It’s not strong, but don’t jump right in.”

I laughed, looking down. “Thanks for the trust.”

Chris laughed too but lowered his voice a bit. “Anyway, you’re taking Nick and me to Sam’s, right? Nick’s almost ready.”

“Yeah, I’ll drop you guys off there and then come pick her up.”

Chris nodded and went back to his room.

I stood there a second, looking at the baggie in my hand. Then I headed to my room and slipped it into the top drawer of my nightstand. Checked the time.

Almost six.

I changed quickly. Something nicer than the old shirt I was wearing.

Simple. Comfortable. But with style-ish.

A few minutes later, the three of us were already at the door. We headed to the car. I dropped them off at our friend Sam’s place and then drove to her house.

The ride over was short. When I saw her step out of the building—with a tote bag slung over her shoulder and her hair a little messy—she gave me one of those quiet smiles that don’t say much but still leave me feeling soft. She always carried that kind of energy. The kind that makes you feel lighter just by being around her.

We chatted a bit while I drove. Talked about not much, what we’d done during the day, or just hummed the song playing in the background. That playlist we made with a mix of her favorite songs and mine. The city was already fading away with that slow Saturday evening rhythm. The car lights, the buildings. Everything had that kind of golden hue that made her look even more beautiful.

When we arrived, I opened the door for her and she went in first, shyly. No need to say anything. She already knew Chris and Nick wouldn’t be there, but she still raised an eyebrow at the quiet in the apartment. A quiet so delicate, so fragile.

“So, you said your brothers went out?”

“I dropped them off before coming to get you. Come on in. The place is all yours. Well… ours.”

Her shyness disappeared as we went upstairs and she felt the familiar atmosphere. It made me smile how she looked around like a curious little kid.

She took off her jacket and tote bag on the sofa like she’d done it a thousand times before. And I liked that. That she didn’t need permission.

“Nice place... smells pretty good.”

“Not gonna lie, I sprayed some air freshener.” —I laughed, tossing my jacket next to hers.— “Thanks for noticing.”

She walked around the living room with silent curiosity.

“So... living room, kitchen. The bathroom is over there, and my room next to it.” I explained, pointing out the parts of the house. “Nick’s room is upstairs and Chris’s downstairs.”

She stopped in the kitchen, looked at some drawings stuck on the fridge, then at some family photos.

“Is this you?” she asked, pointing at a picture of me and my brothers when we were kids.

I came up behind her and rested my chin on her shoulder.

“Close. That’s Nick, that’s Chris, and that’s me.” She laughed trying to find the differences in our faces. She failed.

She slowly turned around and our faces were close, but we said nothing. She just stayed there, looking at me for a second. Then, with that quiet ease she always had, she kissed me on the cheek. Walked past me like nothing, heading for the couch.

“Now what?”

“We can do whatever you want. I can put on some music, or we can watch a movie...” I sat next to her. Well, I lay down, resting my head on her lap. She stroked my hair.

We ended up eating something simple but tasty. She sat on the counter while I handled the pan. Together, we made mac and cheese.

We laughed a lot. Ate on the couch, for once we actually pay attention to the movie playing in the background. It was sweet when we got scared and she clung a little tighter to my shirt.

Then we put on some YouTube videos to shake off the scares from the movie, and those just became background noise. We talked over the audio the whole time. About anything. Our stuff, silly things. Some homework, a weird dream she’d had the night before, how she’d totally steal one of my hoodies next time and never give it back. I kind of liked the idea, honestly.

Afterwards, the dishes stayed on the coffee table. She lay down with her legs over mine, and I made room to get comfortable. It felt like her scent was settling into my clothes. I hoped I’d still catch traces of it tomorrow.

We stayed quiet for a long while. It wasn’t uncomfortable. It was one of those heavy silences that don’t ask for anything. She fiddled with one of my hands, and I absentmindedly stroked her knee with my thumb. Her eyes were half-closed, head resting against the backrest, body loose like she weighed nothing. I liked seeing her like that—calm, comfortable in my home. In our night.

“Hey,” I said quietly, eyes still on her legs. “So, uh… Chris gave me something the other day. Like, a… little joint? Or whatever you call it.” I scratched the back of my neck, already kind of smiling at how dumb I probably sounded.

She barely turned her head towards me without leaving the couch. She looked at me with a mix of tenderness and surprise. She smiled. “I didn't know you smoked.”

“I don’t, but we were talking and I told him that I was curious. He said it was super chill. One of his lightest ones, really.” —I finally glanced at her.— “I don’t know. Thought maybe... if you felt like it... we could try it together?”

She didn’t answer right away. She sat up a bit straighter but kept her legs over mine. Her gaze was soft, one of those that don’t rush you.

“If you don’t want to, it’s no big deal, no pressure—”

“You wanna do it with me?” —she interrupted.

“Yeah,” I answered immediately “I think it’d be fun. Doing it with you. Chris said it’s not too strong anyway... but if you don’t want to, forget I said anything.”

She smiled like that really made her happy. She placed her hand on my chest as if to calm me before I could say more.

“I love that you want to share that with me. Really. If you want, we’ll take it easy. I’ve smoked once or twice, so I kinda know how it goes. But if at any point you don’t feel like it, we stop.”

“Thanks,” I said quietly “I think that’s what I needed. I feel calmer.” I laughed and looked into her eyes, now more awake than before. “Will you take care of me?” I joked.

She laughed softly and kissed me on the lips. Short, tender. “Of course. Always. Shall we go to the window, or the balcony?”

I got up and headed to my room. Took the baggie out of the nightstand, grabbed a lighter, and came back. We went out to the balcony. The night was nice—slightly cloudy, but the moon still peeked through, almost full. We sat on the floor, legs crossed on the cold tiles, wrapped in the blanket, shoulder to shoulder. She lit the joint with calm, practiced ease—which made me smile. She knew how to do it. Took a soft first drag, then passed it to me with a quiet grin.

“Your turn. Just take a slow drag, hold it in for a couple of seconds, then let it out gently. Don’t inhale too fast or too deep, it might make you cough.”

“Your are not gonna laugh if I cough, right?”

“I won’t, I swear.” she was already smiling.

I took a short drag. Felt the smoke in my throat and forced myself not to rush. Didn’t cough. We looked at each other. She gave me a small applause with her hands. “Amazing!”

We laughed together. Stayed silent a few more seconds. She looked at me, knees to chest, joint still in hand. Passed it back with a calm gesture.

“All good, right?” she asked, adjusting the blanket around us.

“Yeah, all the same. I guess I should feel something soon, right?”

“You’re supposed to feel like... lighter after a bit,” she whispered softly, like she didn’t want to break the warm air between us. “Maybe everything will seem funnier, or you’ll start thinking deep thoughts. Sometimes it just makes you hungry. Every body is different. But it’s chill. If you feel weird at any point, tell me and we’ll fix it.”

I nodded, half distracted. Minutes later, I was already feeling something.

I didn’t know if it was the effect or the moment, but the world seemed to have gotten softer. Like the air had become denser and slower, but without weight. Like time stretched between phrase and phrase.

I took another puff, a bit longer this time. And then I felt it. Like a small wave from my chest to my shoulders. No dizziness. No vertigo. Just a quiet warmth, like the body remembering what it means to be comfortable. I leaned back a little and closed my eyes.

“You okay?” I heard her soft voice.

“Yeah,” I smiled “It’s nice. I feel like... more inside myself.” I laughed at how silly that sounded. “Pause. Does that make sense?”

She chuckled softly. “It does. That’s a good way to put it. I feel the same.”

I opened my eyes and looked at her. She looked beautiful with the moonlight on her face. And not just beautiful. Her face and eyes seemed to shine brighter than usual. Her perfume smelled a bit stronger and her voice sounded softer. I wanted to tell her all that and more, but I didn’t. I just kept looking.

I reached out and caressed her cheek. The touch felt different too. I can’t really explain how, but it felt light. I slid my hand down her neck, shoulder, and arm. Then tucked some hair behind her ear. She rested her head on my shoulder and we let time stretch a little longer.

“Shall we go back inside?” she whispered.

I nodded. —it's getting cold.— Got up slowly, and she did too. She carefully put out the joint and we went in.

The house was silent. The only sounds were the leftover noises from the videos playing automatically on YouTube and a distant horn from the street. I closed the balcony door and when I turned around, she was there, in front of me, fixing her hair. She slowly came closer. Ran her hands over my shoulders. Looked at me like she already knew.

“I really like you, y'know?”

I smiled. “Me too. A lot.” —I placed my hands on her waist.— “Everything good?”

“Better than good.”

I rested my forehead on hers. I liked feeling her close. No rush. Just that: being close. The fabric felt strange, but her skin felt better so I slid my hands under the hoodie I’d lent her, finding the warm skin of her waist. I squeezed a little.

She came closer. Her lips brushed mine lightly, and I responded slowly. We kissed calmly. Like no one was expecting anything, but everything was there.

Everything felt more intense. More present. The fabric of my own clothes. The way she breathed between kisses. The warmth. It was just her and me in the middle of the living room.

I laughed quietly without meaning to.

“What?”

“Nothing. You feel good.”

We kept walking without letting go until the couch caught us without asking, softening our fall. We fell clumsily, giggling, still half-hugged. She ended up lying on top of me, one leg between mine and her hands resting on my chest.

I felt every part of her body like mine was recognizing it for the first time. The warmth on her thighs. The touch of her hands on my neck. The way her laughter-breath grazed my jaw.

My hands settled on her waist again. Her skin was warm, soft. I ran my fingers slowly down her back, not thinking much about it. Everything made me want to keep going. It was like there was no such thing as rush. Just her, with me, so close.

We kissed again, deeper. Slow but heavier. I could feel how she clung tighter to my shirt with every kiss, how she tilted her head to find me better. I loved that: the way she searched for more.

I’m not used to this. To letting myself go. I usually think everything three times before doing something. But with her, it just doesn’t happen. And I like not having to think so much.

Without realizing it, we adjusted better. She straddled me, lying on my body.

I slid my hands down her back to her ribs. I felt her skin goosebump when I brushed the edge of her bra with my thumbs. She said nothing. Just pressed closer to me.

My head was kind of delayed. Not for lack of desire, but because my body spoke clearer than my thoughts. Every movement felt big. Like the touch of her mouth was the only thing that mattered.

She lowered one hand down my chest slowly to the edge of my pants. I shuddered. Not from surprise, but from how good it all felt. From the feeling and desire.

Clothes started to bother us. In an unspoken agreement, she raised her arms and I took off the hoodie and shirt together. It was the first time I saw her with so little on. I felt almost overwhelmed, but in a good way, like hypnotized. Took a split second to help her get out of my shirt too.

We stayed there, looking at each other for a few seconds, like analyzing one another. I rested my forehead on her collarbone. Kissed there, eyes closed. Then on her neck. Then on the edge of her jaw.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” I said, more out of need than choice. “I’m crazy 'bout you.”

She smiled but said nothing. She leaned down a bit more to kiss me, and our hips met with more intention.

My hands went down her thighs, squeezing her skin over the fabric. We moved slowly, like time had become slower and more ours. I thought about saying something. About slowing it down. But there was nothing to slow yet. We both stretched the moment, the feeling. Just that rich intensity growing between us, like we knew exactly how far we wanted to go.

My hands instinctively went for the back of her bra—hers found my waistband again. A soft moan escaped me, overwhelmed by the feeling of having her like this: exposed, all over me, all mine.

But a part of my mind flicked a warning light. A small but firm voice. Not yet. Not like this.

“We— we shouldn’t...” I whispered, breath heavy, forehead still resting on her collarbone. I didn’t move. I couldn’t pull away. Didn’t want to.

She stayed still for a second. Then lowered her head to look into my eyes.

“Why?” she asked softly. No reproach in her tone. Just calm curiosity. Care.

I swallowed. It was hard to form the words, not because I didn’t know what I felt, but because I didn’t want to break that moment.

“Because we’re both kinda... well, high,” I said, with a small, almost shy smile. Got a giggle from her “It feels incredible, but I don’t want it to be like that. Not the first time…”

I let my hands slide slowly down her back, landing on her hips. “I want to be fully present. I want to remember everything. No doubt about anything.”

She didn’t say anything right away. She looked at me like she was saving that forever. Then she smiled. Slow. Beautiful.

“Okay.” she whispered. Clasped her hands behind my neck. “Thank you, I like that you think that.”

She kissed my forehead, and I buried myself a little deeper into her neck. I felt embarrassed to stop everything. Like I’d ruined something. But she gently pulled me out of it before the feeling could settle.

Her hands stroked my back, moving up and down calmly. Kissed the top of my head and stayed with me, silent. We didn’t need to do anything else. Just feel close.

The heat from before was still there, between us hugged but now calmer. Kinder. The lingering effect of the joint starting to show. The head lighter. The body loose. She had goosebumps, and I realized just as I ran my fingers along her arm.

“Are you cold?” She nodded slowly. I sat up and grabbed the clothes I’d taken off her earlier. Put it on her gently, like her body was a doll’s. She let me, with a silly smile.

We went back to the couch, this time more dressed, less fired up. But still close. I put on some calm music on the TV. She curled up against me. We talked about how we felt after smoking that, I told her I was glad I did it with her. She enjoyed it too.

We both started feeling a little hungry, and I mentally thanked my brothers for not finishing the ice cream left in the freezer. We sat on the couch, legs crossed, facing each other, sharing a tub of ice cream from the same spoon.

We laughed out loud more than once, talking nonsense here and there. We stole a couple of kisses with the excuse that the other had a bit of ice cream on the corner of their lips.

The ice cream slowly ran out. We both already felt more like ourselves. Like everything before had happened in slow motion and now the world had returned to its normal speed.

She was lying on her side, head resting on the arm of the couch. She rubbed her eyes slowly, like admitting sleep was starting to win was hard.

“Are you sleepy?” I asked with a giggle.

“A little bit,” she admitted, sitting up straighter. “But good. Still feel everything… kinda soft.”

I nodded. Me too. But without the tingling anymore. Just that nice tiredness that comes after a good night.

I checked the time. Almost one in the morning.

“I’d invite you to stay,” I said, half-joking, half-serious, “but I know you don’t like leaving your cat alone for too long.”

She laughed and rested her face on my chest. “That’s true. He’s probably already in bed. He’ll hate me tomorrow.”

“Should I take you home, then?”

“I don’t want you to drive. You must be tired too… I’ll take an Uber.”

“No, you won’t.” I said, laughing but firm. I reached over to rub her back. “If you want, we can walk. It’s not that far. Let’s get some air, what do you think?”

She looked at me with tenderness. “Okay. Let’s walk.”

I put on my hoodie, grabbed the keys, and we went down together. It was a bit chilly outside, but that nice kind of cold that doesn’t bother you. It didn’t feel too much. My hand rested on her waist as we walked silently half the way. No need to say much.

“Thanks for tonight,” she smiled. “You made me feel really good... comfortable."

“I had a really good time too,” I answered. “Thanks for… just being there. Beyond what we smoked, the whole night was amazing.”

She smiled. Didn’t say anything else, just came closer and gave me a slow, soft kiss that left my chest full of that quiet warmth that can’t be explained.

“Let me know when you get home,” she said before going in.

“I will.” I promised.

I watched her get in the elevator and stayed for a second longer, hands in pockets, biting back a smile.

Then I started walking again. Slow, calm. I felt like we’d taken a little step forward, a small but steady one.

I remembered we had class together on Monday, and that we’d probably cross paths half-asleep in the hallway. I liked imagining that. Maybe I could bring her the hoodie I lent her today, so she doesn’t complain about the air conditioning being too cold.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the next time I’d see her as I walked home, with the city lights slowly going out. I knew that night she was going to stay with me for a good while.

—Chrattvibe.

Notes: congratufuckinglations if you made it this far. This was supposed to be shorter but it ended up long as fuck. Hope it was worth it and that you liked it💌

masterlist.

taglist.

#sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #nerd!matt #dealer!chris #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #chrattvibe #matt girl

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velarisdusk · 2 days ago

Text

Chapter 3 — Not Clean

series masterlist word count: 1,586 author's note: the AC is out yall, you know what that means >:) we're STRIPPING (no)

“So, it felt like staying in was the safer option,” Rhysand said, not as a judgment, but as a reflection.

“Yeah,” you muttered, your gaze falling to the couch. “But it didn’t feel safe. It felt like I was letting her down. And—I mean—I did let her down. She’s been wanting me to go out with her for ages and I just… can’t. Each time.”

The room was silent for a moment, save for the faint hum of the noise machine by the door. Rhysand gave you a moment, and when he spoke, his voice was firm, but kind. “And now?”

You frowned slightly, turning the question over in your mind. “Now what?”

“How do you feel now, sitting here with me, after all that?”

You took a breath, trying to sort through the mess of emotions tangled up inside you. “I feel…” You hesitated, searching for the right word. “Silly.”

He raised an eyebrow slightly, a quiet signal for you to elaborate.

“I know it’s not silly,” you said quickly, your fingers tightening over the arm of the couch. “I know depression is serious, and the problems from it are real problems I’m having to deal with. I know that. But paying you to sit here and listen to me tell you I had a full-on breakdown because I couldn’t find something to wear?” You let out a hollow laugh. “It feels so… ridiculous. Like, of all the things in the world to fall apart over...”

Rhysand didn’t laugh or brush it off. Instead, he leaned back slightly—his charcoal button-up pulling just enough across his chest to make your brain short-circuit for a moment. It was maddening, how even his quiet patience came dressed like that.

You blamed the heat for the way your skin prickled, for how your pulse jumped—never mind that the front desk had warned you the AC had been out for a few days. Never mind that it had nothing to do with the temperature.

“It might feel that way in retrospect, but it isn’t ridiculous,” he said. “We both know it wasn’t about the clothes.”

You nodded slowly, a soft exhale leaving your lips. “No, it wasn’t about the clothes.”

But his gaze stayed steady, the kind of calm that managed to loosen something in you. He didn’t rush you, just waited—and that stillness made you want to fill the space.

“I wanted to go out,” you said. “I’m sick of being in my room. I wanted to go have some fun. But then I started thinking about who else would be there, and…”

He gave the barest nod, enough to show he was following. “And?”

You sighed. “My other friend was going to be there too. I haven’t seen him in a few months. Kinda ghosted him after the last time we—” You stopped. “We’re not just friends anymore. Or maybe we are. I don’t even know.”

Rhysand didn’t tilt his head this time. He just stilled, his pen going quiet over the page. “Muddled lines? Not sure where you stand anymore and don’t really want to confront it?”

A dry laugh slipped from you. “Exactly. It’s messy. I don’t know where we stand, or if we even stand anywhere. And I didn’t want to deal with that on top of everything else. It was already bad enough, but the thought of seeing him there…” You shook your head. “Didn’t matter anyway. Saw him the next morning.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” you ran a hand through your hair. “He drove Gwyn home—my roommate. And he came inside for a bit.”

Rhysand didn’t react much, but you felt you knew him well enough to catch the slight shift in his posture. He didn’t interrupt as you recounted the events of Sunday morning. Just listened, his expression unreadable, the way he got when he knew there was more you hadn’t said yet. That therapist stillness—not cold, just practiced.

“What did it feel like,” he asked eventually, “being in the same room with him again?”

You toyed with the hem of your sleeve. “Complicated. I don’t know how to act around him anymore. There’s all this shit between us.”

“Did it feel like he was testing the boundaries you set?” Rhysand asked. “Assuming you set boundaries at all.”

You frowned. “I—maybe? And, I mean, he didn’t really say or do anything crazy, but it felt like he was waiting for me to, I don’t know, give him something? Like he wanted me to be the one to crack first.”

“And how does that sit with you now?”

You huffed. “It pisses me off, honestly. I’ve spent months trying to untangle myself from him, and he just walks in, looking at me like—like we’re supposed to pick up where we left off.”

Rhysand was quiet for a moment. Then, “Do you think that’s what he wants—or is that just what you see in his face when he looks at you?”

The question hit harder than you wanted to admit. “I don’t know. Maybe both. I mean, he’s not exactly subtle, but… yeah. Maybe I’m projecting.” You rubbed your temple. “Either way, it’s exhausting.”

“You’re allowed to feel that way,” he said. “But what I’m hearing is that he’s taking up a lot of space in your head. Space that might be better used elsewhere.”

You let out a bitter laugh. “Easier said than done. It’s not like I want him in my head. He just… ends up there.”

“That happens,” Rhysand said simply. “Especially with someone who meant something to us.”

You shifted again, uncomfortable under the weight of the truth. You knew he was right, but that didn’t make it easier. The morning kept replaying itself behind your eyes, every glance and word. It looped in your mind like a scene you couldn’t reshoot—except you weren’t even sure which part you were supposed to fix. Maybe all of it. Maybe none of it.

Across from you, Rhysand methodically rolled his sleeves to his elbows. The motion was smooth, practiced, exposing forearms you’d somehow managed not to notice before—inked through with dark, winding tattoos that caught the light when he moved. Your eyes lingered a second too long. Of course he had tattoos. Of course they looked that good.

Then he rested his forearms on his knees, gaze steady on yours like he hadn’t just derailed your entire train of thought.

“You said you ghosted him a few months back,” he said. “Why?”

You stiffened. “I don’t know. It felt like the right thing to do at the time. Like I needed space.”

“Did it help?”

You hesitated, sinking a little deeper into the couch. “At first, yeah. I felt like I could breathe again. But then I started feeling… lonely. Like, stupidly lonely. And it’s not like I wanted to reach out to him, but I still wanted him to see me. I’d post stuff. Pictures. Stories. And when he watched them… I felt something.”

“Validation?”

You nodded. “I guess. It’s fucked up.”

Rhysand gave a low huff. “Yeah, it is.”

Your head snapped up, surprised.

He lifted a hand in a slow shrug. “You said it, not me. I’m just agreeing.”

You blinked. “Not what I expected.”

He arched a brow. “Were you expecting me to say it’s fine because ‘feelings are complicated’?” His tone wasn’t unkind, but there was a pointed edge to it. “You already know it’s not fine. That’s why it’s bothering you.”

You opened your mouth. Closed it. Then, softer: “It’s not like I meant to mess with him. I just…”

“Wanted to feel wanted,” he said.

You blinked. He wasn’t supposed to interrupt—therapists are trained not to. You knew that. But he had, and you hadn’t even minded. Maybe because he was right.

“Even if it was on your terms,” he added.

You looked away. “Maybe.”

“Wanting space and wanting attention are two very different things. Maybe start with figuring out why you needed both.”

Your jaw tightened. “I don’t know.”

Rhysand ran a thumb along the edge of his notebook. “You don’t have to right now. But this kind of back and forth? It’s draining—for both of you.”

You didn’t respond. The room felt heavier now.

Rhysand didn’t press.

Eventually, you said, “It’s not like I think we could’ve been something. I’m not as delusional as he is.”

“Would it have been easier if you were?”

You gave a weak laugh. “Maybe.”

“Is that what hurts?” he asked quietly. “That you don’t want him? Or that he might want you, and you still couldn’t meet him there?”

You flinched.

“I think we just broke each other’s timing,” you murmured. “Like, maybe we could’ve been something if we’d met when I wasn’t like this.”

“Like what?”

“Messy. Uncertain.”

Rhysand nodded once. “And you think he’s not those things too?”

You didn’t answer.

Rhysand leaned back against his chair. “There’s no clean version of you waiting at the end of this. Just… more honest versions. With better boundaries. Better coping. That’s what we’re building.”

You swallowed. Nodded.

He glanced toward the clock, then back at you. “Five minutes left. Want to try grounding again?”

You groaned lightly, dragging a hand over your face. “Not really.”

His lips twitched. “Then we’ll call it exposure therapy. Five minutes of tolerating me being annoying.”

You rolled your eyes. But something in your chest eased.

And when you finally left the office—stepping out into the too-bright sun—you didn’t feel good. Not exactly. But you didn’t feel worse, either.

And that, maybe, was something.

#acotar #acotar fic #acotar fanfic #acotar fanfiction #acotar au #therapy au #modern au #rhysand acotar #something like truth #slt

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keirareidss · 3 hours ago

Note

BUILD A FIC: 8, C, F, I, 𓆣 with dom!spencer by chance…?

definitely! hope you enjoy :)

build a fic choices: ꒰ 8 ꒱ standing, ꒰ C ꒱ wrapping a hand around the column of their throat, ꒰ F ꒱ giving their ass a soft (or hard) spank, ꒰ I ꒱ covering their mouth to quieten them, ꒰ 𓆣 ꒱ a bar bathroom warnings: 18+ MDNI, smut, dom!spencer, p in v, public sex, spanking, choking wc: 0.8k

The bar was covered in a reddish hue, the clinking of glasses and background chatter serving as background ambiance for your team. You were all out to drink after another case, though all the bars in that town were the seediest you'd ever seen.

You sat across from your co-worker, Spencer Reid, your eyes continuously trailing back to him. The curls of his hair, the sharpness of his jawline, especially when his head was turned to look at whoever was talking.

Every time he would catch your gaze, a grin would grow on his face as you looked away blushing, pretending you were listening to Penelope's outlandish story. After the third time, you felt him nudge your ankle with the toe of his shoe.

A nod towards the bathroom door with a suggestive glance, and he was gone, heading away from the table, trusting you'd understand. You excused yourself quietly a moment later, following his path and arriving at the bathroom door.

You knock on the door but before you can call his name, you're tugged inside, the door shutting behind you, your back pressed against it.

Spencer towered over you, his eyes boring into yours as he traps you against the door between his arms.

"You're not subtle, you know. I could feel you staring at me." He purrs, leaning closer.

"I- I was just-"

"Just what?" He grins, hand sliding down to your hip, squeezing. When you don't answer, (what reasoning could you give him anyway?) he chuckles, bending to nip at your neck, fingers fiddling with the button on your jeans.

"Please, Spencer."

"Please what?" He asks, his voice low in your ear.

"I need you." Your response is a mere whimper, filled with want.

"Need me how?" He was really going to drag this out of you wasn't he?

"Fuck, I need your cock, Spencer, please." He laughs again, you don't know whether at your expense or if you said something funny, it didn't matter. As long as his hands kept undressing you, he could say whatever he liked.

"Needy girl." He murmured unzipping your pants before reaching for his own. His hand palmed his length, stroking idly as you stared, mouth watering. "Is this what you want?" When you nodded, he continued. "Turn around."

Your hands found stability against the hard wooden door, your breathing heavy as he slid your jeans down your legs. Your panties were next, and soon, his tip was at your entrance before he sunk into you.

One hand slid up to your throat as he started thrusting, squeezing gently. With a moan, your head fell back, his hips meeting the fat of your ass over and over.

"I bet you've been wanting this for a while, huh? So desperate for me." Spencer muttered from behind you and you could only whine in response, wanting him impossibly deeper. "How often do you think about me like that?" You don't answer, your breath coming in quickly.

He delivers a sharp smack to your ass and you gasped, before his hand was rubbing soft skin to sooth the sting. "Well?"

"All- all the time." You answered and he rewards you with a deep thrust, pulling a moan from your lips. His mouth found your neck again, sucking and biting, sure to leave marks.

Suddenly, a knock on the door pulled you from you fucked-out haze, your eyes widening as a familiar male voice came through the door.

"Reid! Are you in there? Penelope needs you." Derek shouted through the door. You let out a soft whimpers, fearing being found in such a compromising position, and Spencer's hand quickly clamped over your mouth.

"I'll be right out!" Spencer called back and Derek grunted before his footsteps receded. His hand slowly moved back to your throat, his thrusts speeding up as both of you got closer to finishing.

You came without warning, Spencer continuing to fuck into you until you were whining from overstimulation. When he released, he had to keep his body from slumping into yours, pulling out and righting himself.

You stood on shaky legs as his gentle hands pulled up your panties and jeans, keeping your mixed release inside of you.

"Do we just go back out there?" You asked, catching your breath as you turned to face him.

"I'll go first, you wait a minute or two." You nodded but he hesitated, brushing a thumb over the mark on your neck before slipping out the door.

You stood in the bar bathroom alone, wondering if what just happened was your imagination. A glance in the mirror at your rumpled reflection told you it wasn't. And now you had to go outside and sit with your team across from the man who just fucked the thoughts out of your brain. Fuck.

Taglist: @superbeaglewitch, @perfectgoopfishuniversity-blog, totallynotabuckybarnessimp, @dramioneforevertilltheend. @cynbx, @diminombre, @tinythebunni, @pixie-verse, @westanleovaldito, @khxna, @person-005

#♡ keira's fics #criminal minds #spencer reid smut #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid one shot #♡ keira's requests

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reynarri · 15 hours ago

Text

— artist ; izuku midoriya

note : wrote too much haikyuu, and because i love izuku with my heart... here he is (´ω｀) | HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET BABY IZUKU

mlist !

Izuku loved watching you draw even though you'd always tell him not to the process of drawing looks awkward. He liked how you'd start your drawing messy, but in the end it'd turned out so good. He liked.. loved that you were so creative that you could draw your imagination.

He felt more calmer when he'd watch you. It was also an excuse to look at your face.

Sometimes you'd ask him to even pose so you could get the proportions right. He loved being your model.

Todoroki would narrow his eyes at the both you, he knew that Izuku liked you and that you liked him. He was confused on how you both didn't know that.

He told Uraraka and Iida about it, suddenly it was mission to get you two together.

It was just a usual day, you and Izuku talking as you drew on the back of your paper in the class. He rambled about his recent research on another pro-hero, you grabbed his hand and out into a pose and signaled to him to stay like that.

He stumbled over his words when you suddenly grabbed his hand, then clearing his throat and continuing on.

Uraraka walked up to two of you with a smile and asked if she could take Izuku for a quick second.

When she walked away, Todoroki had replaced Izuku's place infront of you. Staring.

"You like Midoriya, don't you?"

You shot your head to look at him as you paused your sketching.

"What?"

Todoroki still sat there, staring. No expression. Nothing.

"You like him, so why don't you tell him?"

You sighed and put your pencil down.

"Well, it's hard to do that Todoroki. What's making you ask all of a sudden though?"

"Uh.."

Uraraka came back with Izuku and ushered Todoroki up then rushing away to Iida.

Izuku's cheeks were a bright pink as he sat down, causing you to raise an eyebrow.

"You alright, Izuku?"

"Oh- yeah, yeah, I am.. Don't worry!"

"Hm.. alright.."

The bell rang as if it knew that it needed to save Izuku from you.

"Oh wow wouldn't you look at that? The bell rang! Time for lunch hahaha..."

He shot up from his seat, leaving you there to stare where he once was. Blinking a few times until you grabbed both of your worksheets and turning them in.

Uraraka was peaking through the classroom door then quicklg retreated back, running to Iida and Todoroki.

"Okay, okay, okay, did you give the note to Midoriya, Todoroki?"

He nodded calmly as Iida pointed out that Izuku was walking towards the stairway like they planned to.

Uraraka turned towards you, walking to you to tell you that someone wanted to meet you by the stairs.

You were confused, but went there anyways.

Seeing Izuku there made you even more confused.

"Izuku?"

He turned to you, as you walked closer to him.

"You? Why did you want to meet me here?"

"What do you mean? I was just told someone wanted to see me here.. in the stairway."

Both confused, you just sat on the ground against the glass, crossing your legs. He sat next you. You took out your sketchbook and started drawing.

Izuku felt his cheeks heat up as he watched you draw. You looked through your eyelashes, making eye contact with him. He quickly looked further down to the paper and saw that you were drawing him.

You looked down and started to get embarrassed by it. You've only ever used him at a model, never actually drawing him.

Putting your pencil im between the pages, you put your head against the glass and looked up to the ceiling.

You turned your head to him, and stared at his expression. His pupils were wide and his cheeks were pink.

"I like you, I've liked you for awhile."

His eyes widden a bit when he heard you say that, like he couldn't believe that.

"R-really? You actually like me?"

You nodded and straightened your head

"I like you too, a lot actually."

You glanced at his lipd and leaned closer, he met you half way. He reached his hand to cuo your cheek as you put your hand on the back of his neck.

The kiss was a little slobby, but you could care less about that.

Both of you pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours whilst he blushed even harder than before.

He leaned back in for another kiss with his chest tightening and his heart racing fast. Oh how he felt like the luckiest boy in world.

! Do not feed my writing to ai, steal it, or repost it some place else.

#—rey writes #my hero academia #mha x reader #x reader #izuku midoriya #izuku x reader #bnha x reader #boku no hero academia #happy birthday izuku

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spacecadet-ticklesinspace · 2 days ago

Note

So I had an idea where the core four (Buck, Eddie, Hen, Chim) are playing Mario Kart on the couch in the loft. (Or any 4-player racing game). So basically Buck starts winning and is in first place, he’s bragging about it and rubbing it in their faces. Then he starts feeling hands on him randomly. Like a poke to his side here. He drops to 2nd. A quick scribble across his stomach or underarm there. Then he drops to 3rd and Maybe a pinch to his rib or something and he’s in last place🤣 Just whining about it the whole time how they’re cheating. They tell him how they’re not even doing anything. His attention is focused on the game and he doesn’t see who’s doing it, he just keeps feeling it.

I just imagine like “That’s not fair, you’re cheating“

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

(LOL, I love this idea Anon 😂 Hope you enjoy it 😁)

"That's not fair, you're cheating!"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Buck shoved Chimney with his elbow, his hands never leaving his controller. "Keep your hands to yourself."

Chimney nudged him back. "Keep your focus on the game."

The core four were playing Mario Kart together and Buck had been on a winning streak. He'd won the last three rounds and was quickly getting to a fourth.

"Don't be jealous that I'm the best," he had bragged to the others. "You can get there too with a little practice. "

The timing was perfect as Buck's character zoomed first across the finish line

His grin had grown. "I'll even go easier on you next round."

Eddie had shoved him off the couch.

"You watch your mouth," Hen warned. "It'll get you into trouble."

Buck smacked Eddie's arm as he pulled himself back up onto the couch. "Hasn't yet."

"We'll see about that."

The blonde had raised one eyebrow at the paramedic before the next round started.

Again, he was flying down the road. This time they were on Rainbow Road, and Buck was handling the curves like a pro.

Until the tickles had started.

As the blonde cruised in first, he felt a sudden poke to his side.

It made Buck jolt, but when he looked down, he didn't see anything.

And when he looked back up, Eddie had slipped into first.

Buck gave him a sideways glare as he worked to regain his first place position. The two were neck and neck, with Buck still in second, when there had been a scribble across his stomach.

The blonde had squeaked and his knees slightly lifted. "Hey!"

He caught Hen's character sailing right past him, putting him in third.

"Stop!" The blonde immediately refocused on the screen. "You're going to make me loose."

Hen didn't look away from the screen. "Stop doing what Buck?"

"You know exactly what you're doing."

She was too far away to elbow and Buck didn't want to risk lifting his hand away from his controller. He was already fighting to catch back up to her and didn't want to fall further behind.

Then came the finally blow. Chimney's pinch to his bad rib.

Buck's controller had sailed over the coffee table as he had squirmed over to Eddie and away from the pinches. The younger's cackles filled the room before the hand had finally disappeared.

With residual giggles still flowing from his mouth, Buck had yanked himself upright and quickly scrambled up to recover his controller.

However, he was now currently in last place. Not even fourth, just all the way in last.

Hence why Buck was complaining about them cheating.

The blonde gave Chimney one last glare before working to get himself back in first. But by the end of the third lap, he sailed across the screen in dead last, his character on screen shaking its head in disappointment.

In the end, Eddie had won. He and Chim exchanged a high five behind the younger's back.

"No fair!" Buck threw down his controller. "He only won because you guys cheated!"

"Don't be jealous because he's in first," Hen had thrown back at him.

Eddie leaned back. "Maybe you just need a little more practice."

"Don't worry," Chim went next. "We'll go easy on you next round."

With a frustrated groan, Buck stormed off.

Back on the couch, the other three exchanged similar mischievous looks.

"Hey Buck," Chim called.

The blonde paused, giving him a glare. "What?"

"I know a game we can all win."

As Buck arched an eyebrow, Eddie turned off the electronic game. By the time Buck registered what they were implying, all three were standing. His eyes widened as he took one cautious step back.

"Three, two, one," Hen counted down. "Go!"

The younger firefighter bolted to the kitchen, three pairs of footsteps behind him. Without even thinking, Buck leapt on top of the island. He scrambled to his feet to keep away from the other three.

"Grab him!" Hen ordered.

Eddie darted around to the other side. "Corner him over here!"

Buck jumped. "No!"

The blonde tried keeping away while trying to kick at their hands and while trying to keep his balance on top of the counter so he didn't crack his skull on anything.

Then suddenly, two arms wrapped around his legs.

"Got him!"

Buck tried to keep his balance and squirm away. "Chimney, let gohoOOO!"

While the blonde had been focused on his brother-in-law, Hen and Eddie had each snagged an arm. All together, they yanked the blonde down and onto Eddie's shoulders.

The brown haired paramedic lowered Buck to the floor where he was promptly pinned. Eddie had his arms, Hen had his legs and feet, and Chimney straddled his hips.

As the blonde struggled to get away, Chimney leaned forward, a big smirk on his face. "Do you want to play a game?"

#911 abc tickle #911 #hen wilson #chimney han #eddie diaz #evan buckley #ticklefic

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sammys-magical-au · 1 day ago

Text

@anidalaweeks 2025 shortfic; day two - everything goes sideways AU/free day

Warnings: none :3

- Anakin suddenly remembers an important date and realizes, to his horror, that it’s today. Through all his rushing around to make it up to Padmé at the last second, he completely misses the fact that he’s got the wrong date. (A/N: this idea came to me in a dream so y’all know it’s gonna be good >:3).

~~~

The Wrong Date

No no no no no no NO!

That was Anakin’s only train of thought as he went sprinting out of the Jedi Temple.

He’d been just finishing up a training session with Ahsoka when his hyperactive brain had decided to kick him in the shins with a reminder that really could’ve come much earlier in the day;

Today’s Padmé’s birthday!

Thankfully he’d been pretty much done with Ahsoka’s training for the day, so he could quickly dismiss her (although clearly he wasn’t hiding his sudden anxiety very well, because he’d noticed her puzzled expression when he’d hurried to wrap the session up) and leave the Temple without running into anyone.

Shopping in the higher levels of Coruscant would be too suspicious, but Anakin hadn’t been planning on doing that anyway. The lower levels were not only safer, but was also where Uhmandasee Market was located, admittedly a favourite date night spot for Anakin and Padmé.

Plus, Uhmandasee Market was conveniently close to the home of a certain friend of theirs…

~~~

“Nel?!” Anakin all but shouted as he thrust open the Saabem family’s front door.

“Hello?” Lionel responded from the couch, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I need your help,” Anakin said, “Uhmandasee Market’s still open, right?”

“They never close.” Lionel scoffed, rolling their eyes. Then they seemed to notice the full extent of the panic on his face and stood up, walking over to him to place their hands on his shoulders. “Whoa,” they said, “what’s going on with you?”

“I forgot Padmé’s birthday,” Anakin replied, feeling his throat close. Normally he would’ve felt stupid for crying this easily, but when it was about Padmé, nothing was too small to get emotional over. “I don’t even have a gift for her, I-”

“Hey, hey,” Lionel soothed, smiling at him, “relax, Kenni, it’s gonna be okay. She’ll forgive you. Besides it’s not like-”

“I know she will,” Anakin cut them off, “but it’s not fair, she deserves everything, I can’t give her nothing.”

Lionel still looked a little confused, but they nodded.

“Okay, Kenni,” they murmured, “don’t worry, I’ll go with you. We can pick out a present for her together. And you could also bring my present to her, I was wondering how I was gonna get it to her so this is actually perfect.”

“It isn’t yet,” Anakin corrected, already striding out the door and hurrying down the metal staircase to the street, “but it will be, it has to be.”

Uhmandasee Market was crowded - as it often was - but somehow in his determination Anakin didn’t seem to see the swarms of people all around him, ignoring the occasional looks he got when his robes gave him away as a Jedi - apparently the hood covering his face wasn’t enough to fully hide his identity, as he overheard multiple mutterings of ‘is that Anakin Skywalker??’.

No one stopped him to ask, however, but it wasn’t like Anakin would’ve allowed that anyway. He had one goal in mind and nothing was stopping him now.

“Kenni, can you slow down?!” Lionel demanded after they’d been walking at a brisk pace for several minutes, “Maker, you look like you’re being mind-controlled right now!”

“I just want to get what I need and leave as quickly as possible,” Anakin replied, not stopping or even slowing, “I know exactly where I’m going, I don’t need to look around.”

“You have a one-track mind,” Lionel muttered, still following at his heels, “can you at least take a breath? I don’t think you’ve breathed since we got here!”

“No time!” Anakin said, “first thing I need is flowers!”

He spotted the flower vendor at the same moment and sped up slightly, leaving Lionel behind for a moment as they stopped to shake their head and sigh.

Why didn’t they understand his urgency? He only had a few hours before sundown, and he was determined to be at Padmé’s apartment before then. Yes, technically it would still be her birthday until midnight, but he didn’t want to leave her waiting any longer. She’d probably been waiting for him to visit her all day!

Anakin finally stopped for a second when he felt Lionel’s hand slip into his, and he glanced at them to see a reassuring smile on their face.

Well, maybe they didn’t get why Anakin was so wound up about this - Lionel was more of a laid-back, take-it-easy, let-the-credits-fall-where-they-may type of person after all - but at least they understood that meeting the deadline was important to him.

It took about an hour and a half to finish shopping, but in the end what Anakin had managed to get was worth the time it took. The bouquet he’d ordered was made from multiple Naboo flower species - queen’s hearts, specifically red ones, which were Padmé’s favourite flower; millaflowers, both yellow-and-red ones to signify adoration, and blue ones for celebration; rominaria flowers, just to add some extra pleasant scent to the mix; and a very rare (and admittedly very expensive) pink mountain flower, shimmering delicately in the centre of the bouquet like the dress Padmé had worn during the victory parade all those years ago, when Anakin had only just become Obi-Wan’s Padawan and she was still queen of Naboo. Mixed amongst all of these were tiny glowing teaflowers, native to Coruscant but still just as special to Padmé, as they served as a reminder of their first date as husband and wife.

Next stop had been a collectible vendor, where Anakin had picked out a small crystal sculpture of a tusk-cat, remembering when Padmé had told him about the one she used to ride when she was younger but had died of old age not long after she became a senator. Lionel had also eagerly suggested a small voorpak plushie, cleverly pointing out that Padmé had mentioned having several of the tiny creatures as pets back on her home planet and that she likely missed them when she was elsewhere in the galaxy. Anakin had agreed, but that still left one thing on his list.

The thing he was the most finicky about was the cake. That especially needed to be perfect, it had to fit her taste, her favourite flavours, but also be aesthetically pleasing to her. It had to have elements that were specifically her, that couldn’t possibly fit anyone else.

Finally, reluctantly, Anakin settled on one (mostly at Lionel’s insistence that he had to go with something, for Maker’s sake, because the baker behind the counter was starting to give them judgemental looks for hanging around so long without buying anything). It wasn’t what Anakin had really imagined, but out of all the cakes on display, it was the one that would suit Padmé best - red velvet (which Anakin knew was her favourite) with Naboo buttercream frosting (also a favourite) that was dyed blue (her favourite color) and topped with dark red Naboo cherries (not something Padmé would go out of her way to eat, but something she certainly enjoyed).

“Is that everything, then?” Lionel asked when he’d made his last purchase and they were on their way back to Lionel’s house. They were still giving him a funny look, which he was just now realizing they’d been giving him this whole time, but he’d been so caught up in his anxiety that he’d hadn’t noticed.

“Yes,” Anakin said with a slight sigh of relief, “thanks for helping me, Nel, I really appreciate it.”

“I know you do,” Lionel murmured with a laugh, “I’m just glad I could help - my gift for Padmé seems a little silly now that I see what you got for her.”

“Well, what is it?” Anakin asked.

They’d reached Lionel’s street now, and they scratched the back of their neck before answering.

“I’ll just show you,” they said, “wait here.”

They sped off without waiting for a response, jogging up to their front step and disappearing inside for a moment. They returned with a simple slip of paper, folded in half, which they unfolded to reveal a sketch of a small village - located on Naboo, based on the shape of the buildings - overlooking a tranquil lake bordered by a dense forest.

“I did this while I was on that undercover mission with Cody a few months ago,” Lionel explained, almost abashed, “Padmé told me the village we stayed in was the one she grew up in, so I wanted to draw it to remember what it looked like, but I never really liked how it turned out. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it more.”

“Nel,” Anakin murmured, taking the drawing from them, “this is amazing, it’s not silly. You’re a better drawer than I am, you know.”

“Pft. No I’m not.” Lionel laughed, rolling their eyes.

“You are,” Anakin insisted, “don’t be modest! Padmé will love this, I’m sure she will.”

Lionel huffed another laugh, but they’re were smiling genuinely now.

“Well, tell me what she says when you give it to her.” They said quietly.

“Of course,” Anakin said, already turning to run back to the speeder he’d parked a few streets over, “thanks again, Nel! Couldn’t have done it without you!”

“I’m sure you could have!” Lionel called after him, “it’s not like you don’t have time!!”

By then Anakin wasn’t fully listening anymore, and therefore he didn’t stop to question what they’d meant by that. If he was thinking more clearly and wasn’t in such a frantic rush, maybe he would have, but he was, so he didn’t.

Maybe Lionel had just forgotten that today was Padmé’s birthday, surely that had to be it. He could always correct them later, but not in a way would make them feel bad, of course.

~~~

To Anakin’s dismay, night had fallen by the time he reached the upper levels. They must’ve spent longer at Uhmandasee Market than he’d realized.

Still, that meant he didn’t have any time to waste, and in such a short time it surprised even himself, Anakin had arrived at Padmé’s apartment.

Through the large kitchen window across from the balcony where he landed, he could see her sitting at her kitchen table by herself in her nightdress.

She’d been waiting for him, Anakin realized with a stab of guilt. Well, at least she didn’t have to wait anymore.

Quickly gathering the flowers, presents, and cake box into his arms, Anakin hurried inside.

“I’m sorry I’m late!” He exclaimed loudly before he could think of anything else to say, and Padmé jumped, her head snapping up to look at him.

At first she looked stunned, then she smiled.

“Ani.” she murmured softly.

“I know you’ve been waiting for me,” Anakin went on, all of it tumbling out of him in an anxiety-induced waterfall as he set everything down on the table, “I’m so sorry, Padmé, I completely forgot, I promise I won’t ever forget again! I know you’re not mad at me but it’s not fair! You deserve the perfect day and instead you’ve spent it all alone! I’m a terrible husband!”

Padmé gently untied the wax-coated string holding the cake box closed, her eyes lighting up with surprise when she saw the cake inside.

“Ani…” she murmured with a laugh, her gaze slowly moving over the cake, the flowers, and the gift bag with the tusk-cat figurine and voorpak plushie inside sitting on top of Lionel’s drawing, and her expression slowly turning to confusion, “what’s all this for? Why are you apologizing?”

Now it was Anakin’s turn to be confused.

“Because I forgot it’s your birthday?” He replied, and Padmé, who had just casually picked a Naboo cherry from the cake and popped it in her mouth, promptly burst out laughing.

Anakin frowned at her.

“What?” He demanded when she’d kept giggling for about a minute.

Padmé didn’t answer right away, instead leaning in to kiss him, the taste of Naboo cherry juice and the buttercream frosting sweet on her lips.

“Ani,” she said softly, gazing at him with eyes shining with both amusement and adoration, “my birthday isn’t until next week.”

Anakin blinked, his mind that was still barreling a thousand miles ahead coming to a screeching halt as he slowly processed that.

Then the smallest huff of a chuckle escaped him, then he laughed, then he laughed harder, and Padmé did too, the two of them practically falling over each other with tears in their eyes by the time they regained themselves.

“Please tell me you’re joking.” Anakin murmured when he caught his breath again.

“I’m not, Ani, I promise,” Padmé answered, almost apologetically, “it’s next week.”

Anakin rubbed his hand down his face, mortified, his cheeks burning.

“That explains why Nel kept looking at me like I was crazy.” He groaned, which spurred on a second round near-hysterics from Padmé that was contagious enough to have him in stitches again too.

“Please…” Padmé gasped out after a few seconds had passed, “please call Nelli and tell them!”

Lionel picked up almost immediately, and instantly looked absolutely perplexed when they were met with Anakin and Padmé laughing so hard they were both in tears.

“Hi?” They asked slowly, “… did something happen?”

“Nel,” Anakin panted, fighting to even get the words out, “Nel, I had the wrong date!”

“I was GONNA SAY!” Lionel exclaimed, which only caused yet another eruption of laughter from Anakin and Padmé, “Maker, Anakin, you’re an idiot!” They added, although they were chuckling too, “I kept wanting to say something, but you wouldn’t let me get a word in!”

“Oh, Ani!” Padmé exclaimed, dabbing at her eyes and still grinning brighter than the moonlight outside.

“I was starting to think I had the wrong date!” Lionel added.

“Okay, Nel, we get it.” Anakin sighed, wiping his face on the back of his sleeve.

“You’re the one who called me.” Lionel scoffed.

Padmé, meanwhile, had gone into the kitchen to grab a knife. She returned, still giggling quietly to herself, and cut into the cake.

“What’re you doing?” Anakin asked.

“Well, I’m not letting this go to waste,” Padmé murmured, “it looks delicious. Want a piece?”

Anakin beamed.

“Sure.” He said.

“Nelli?” Padmé asked, and Lionel’s eyes widened.

“Me?” They said, “it’s your cake, Padmé.”

“And it’s not my birthday yet,” Padmé said with a shrug, “and there’s enough for three. Or four - what about Ahsoka, Ani?”

“And Rex…” Anakin mused, “and Echo and Fives - is there enough for seven?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll invite them too, then.”

“I can swing by the Temple on my way up to get ‘Soka.” Lionel added.

“The Council won’t like you being there without me.” Anakin cautioned - although it wasn’t like they were particularly fond of Lionel being at the Temple with him either.

“Heh, they don’t scare me,” Lionel huffed, “I’ll be there in ten - see ya!”

Their hologram flickered out in Anakin’s palm, and he was in the middle of calling Rex when Padmé suddenly draped her arms over his shoulders and kissed him again.

“I love you, Ani,” she murmured, “thank you.”

“For what?” Anakin asked, “I messed up and thought your birthday was on the wrong day.”

“Yes,” Padmé agreed, “but you still went out of your way to do all of this for me, as soon as you remembered - or… thought you remembered.” She giggled. “That really does mean a lot to me, Ani.”

“Well, I’m glad,” Anakin said shyly, “I was worried you wouldn’t be happy with me. For being so late.”

Padmé shook her head.

“Oh Ani,” she said, “never. Remembering dates doesn’t matter to me, all I want - all I need - is you.”

Anakin smiled before leaning in to kiss her again.

“I can only say the same for you.” He murmured.

#anidalaweek2025 #shortfic #star wars shortfic #anidala #anakin skywalker #padme amidala #star wars #star wars au #lionel saabem #star wars oc

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immortalsins · 5 months ago

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never goibg to the club again for real this time

#so so tmi in these tags im so sorry #some guy was fully getting his hand inside of me on the dancefloor and at the start #i was like alright #ok #this is what u do i guess #VERY quickly realised i was not enjoying it #tried to pull his hand out multiple times #he would leave it a bit then start up again #i know i could have left idk why i didnt #felt pathetic to say i didn't like it #so i tried to !!!!!#didn't work #at the end he asked if he could come back with me #i apologised and said no #he asked again #i said no again (had already got his number)#asked a third time whilst i was leaving #and he followed us all the way to the chip shop #stood right behind me in there #me and 2 friends left to wait outside #he came outside #we started walking and jumped in an uber #i could have handled that better but now i feel odd #im so asexual JFNFJFJFJJF #have scrubbed every inch of myself in the shower #but there are marks on me from him #lmao #and i cant get the essence of him away from me #im soooooo #sick of this

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decisions-at-3am · 2 years ago

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Too quickly would I have slept, If we were shadowy figures. Not people, no risk of perception. No thoughts clouding my mind, Just your arms holding me tight.

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anothermonikan · 1 year ago

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Have I told you guys about the fucked up dreams I've been having recently? I've been having some fucked up dreams lately. yeah <3

#sorry this is mostly about a dream I had yesterday and if I just say it it's gonna sound so creepypasta-y #like I have a lot of creepypasta-y dreams it's just how my dreams have always worked hehe #It wasn't fucked up because it was scary or anything it was fucked up because of how I felt in it #how to describe it...like I was like almost too calm and accepting of my fate #like okay previous dream context (whether this was context from another actual dream or just. lore my brain made up idk)#I got sentenced to execution. It's...really hard to describe the context without it sounding really silly.#like it was a part of some sick game that a person planned out and it all ended in a white maze room #I was told I could either choose to go free from a month and then be collected for execution or be trapped in the room forever but alive #and I chose to be executed. everyone knew. we all even had silly inside jokes about it ehe #like my friends were picking music out for it. it was really silly hehe!#but the person who came to collect me for execution was so striking. she was like. almost literally a doll #A big doll!! Like she was so so tall!! she actually shrank to be more my size as the dream went on. she was strikingly pretty #and kind. she was so kind #we walked around and said goodbye to everyone. she made friendly conversation. she guided me through how everything was going to go #god the tenderness of it all makes me sqee a lil aha. a little fucked up I think #it was self-inflicted you see. Rose bushes over a tall fence. that's why she was so tall. to help me over #I caught on pretty quickly that she was a person who decided to stay in the room instead of being executed #that's what becomes of them. they become subservient to the game master. they're made to collect the ones who chose to leave and die later #she told me that deep down she kinda wished that doing this for him would convince him to make her human again and to let her be free #I told her that it was bullshit and that he'd never do that. and she was like. yeah. but a girl can dream right?#another one of those dreams that have lines that stick out in my head as well...okay one of them was just really funny #'Hey guys' 'I'm being executed today :D' 'oh. okay!'#dhdhdh #'It's scary isn't it?' 'yeah. it is' 'Well. It'll all be over soon'#like gwah. gwahhhh #'There is something wrong inside of you' levels of impact on my psyche I reckon #me and the doll girl kissed a few times. it was weirdly quite natural. nothing intensive #but I think we both had an understanding that we weren't seeing eachother again and we cared about eachother #it was so greatly platonic and nice. yearning for something I will never experience aha ^^;#Idk if I even want to be in any sort of QPR but it was definitely nice in this dream

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neigepomme · 4 months ago

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cw // NSFW. caleb loves when you control him.

caleb's a big man — in more ways than one. however, when he's near you? just an oversized ragdoll for you to manhandle as you please.

the first time he realized that, you were pointing at something for him to see. unfortunately, his attention was on something else, and after losing your patience, you tug at his necklace for him to lean down.

poor guy almost came on the spot. the action wasn't even remotely sexual, but the fact that you felt comfortable enough to boss him around, control him? oh that did caleb in.

somehow, you also caught on. his nervous smile and red ears were telltale signs that he was impacted, and boy, it was bound to be lots of fun for you.

so you tried it out more often. just some inconspicuous stuff to gauge his reactions! no harm in discovery, right?

when he was leaving for work, you'd roughly grab his face with one hand and bring him down to your level to press a kiss on his puckered lips.

“have a lovely day at work, baby. go get 'em colonel!”

you spoke with the sweetest tone you could muster, and caleb's flushed face and lovestruck smile was a delight to see so early in the morning. wishing you a good day as well, he heads over to the fleet — only to find out he has a hard-on. caleb deals with it in his office, before heading out to train the cadets (who realize their ever so scary colonel is capable of sporting a smile).

the next instance was when you two were out and about in a supermarket, picking out the ingredients for hot pot tonight. you stare at caleb when an older gentleman heads your way with his cart, wobbling around — and a mischievous idea quickly forms in your head. you quickly tug caleb's arm, pressing his body against yours when you flash him a smile, “oops. a cart was headed your way. ”

the pilot can't maintain eye contact, his pants suddenly feeling way tighter than usual. you were going to be the death of him if you kept going, but caleb would be lying if he said that dying to your hands wasn't the best way to go.

the time that cemented it in both of your minds, though, was when you were straddling his lap and making out with him on the living room couch. caleb was taking over your mouth, kissing you like a starved man, and you desperately needed to catch your breath — so you tugged on his hair, hard, in order to separate him from your mouth.

his hips bucked up into yours when you did that, and as the realization hit him, a vicious red blush took over his face.

“fuck pips, you can't keep doing that.”

funnily enough, his words didn't exactly match his actions. when you tugged a little harder in response, his hands grabbed onto your hips and dragged you against his, your clothed core rubbing against his growing bulge. you moan against his ear when a sound between a whimper and a groan comes out of his mouth.

“hmm, but i think you love it, don't you?”

that might be the understatement of the century, caleb thinks. he doesn't just love it, he adores it when you play rough with him — so teasing and unfair, it makes him want to push your buttons, so you keep on doing it.

and that's exactly what he plans on doing when he throws you over his shoulder and starts walking towards the bedroom.

“i do. love it when you control me.”

🍎 pomme's notes — h.. hey.... alexa put on control me by colde....

#⋆ pomme rambles #caleb #caleb x reader #caleb x you #lads x reader #lads caleb #lads #love and deepspace x reader #love and deepspace #⋆ pomme after hours #⋆ neigepomme #i got carried away this was supposed to be like 100 words im crying #caleb my muse.. my love...

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chastiefoul · 1 year ago

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he finds you crying ft. love and deepspace men

ft. zayne, xavier, rafayel, and sylus a/n: I always feel like mc wasn’t given enough time to grief when chapter 4 happened (or maybe they just didn’t show it or i remember it wrong) but to lose the people you’ve considered family like that in front of your eyes would severely mess on anyone’s mental well-being. mc stronger than me fr i would've had a breakdown every night. so i tried to write the comfort that was long overdue. <3

Zayne

He found you hunched over at the couch, knees tucked to your chest. your shoulder shook as he heard the sniffles and although he’s physically perfectly fine, he swore it felt like his heart was breaking in two.

He would gently put his key on the table, making his presence known in the subtlest way possible so you didn’t get startled.

You quickly tried to wipe your eyes and sat normally but suddenly in no time you were carried as he made you sit on his lap, bringing your head close to his neck as he held you tight.

Zayne wasn’t one who’s great at offering consoling words, as he also a firm believer of actions speak louder than words. As he rubbed your back gently he only said, “Let it all out, I’m here.”

So you did just that. You’ve said this once to him as a joke, but truly, anywhere by his side was the time you felt the most safe.

The doctor continued to comfort you in silence, hoping with every beat of his heart that his arms and hands that’s so used in saving people’s lives, could offer at least some kind of solace for your heart that was in disarray.

Xavier

He’d never hated the sight of a bed so much, until he found you crying atop of it.

Xavier would rushes over to you (arguably faster when he encountered strayed wanderers), determined to do anything he could to help you feel better.

As he put a hand over your cheek, wiping the tears that just kept on coming he whispered, “I’m here, what do you need?”

When you couldn’t even manage a reply Xavier would just stay by your side, his and was diligent in rubbing the side of your face; he never felt so useless, knowing the little gesture gave almost to none help.

For someone who finds sleep easy inbetween every hours, that was the most restless he’s ever been. He stayed with you until you calmed down, offering gentle whispers as you felt your awake state slipping away.

The moment you’re asleep Xavier was keen on wiping your face softly off of the remaining tears, and he tucked you in properly. He brought you to his embrace.

Yet unlike any other nights, he couldn’t find any part of him that was able to join you into the dream state.

Rafayel

Rafayel knew he came at a bad time. Seeing the way you spoke so stiffly and the way you zoned out of the conversation every few minutes.

However, he also knew he couldn’t leave you alone right then.

The silence once again was loud, but he didn’t think you realize that, as he followed your stare to the table, to what’s on the top of the table to be exact. A necklace with an apple charm on it.

He approached your side, cupping your face with both of his hands. “Miss bodyguard, you don’t have to be strong all the time, you know? Especially now, since you’re off duty.”

You chuckled quietly, but what followed after was not your usual easy smile but instead it was tears streaming down your face. And it felt like Rafayel could offer anything he had just to make them stop. And if that’s not enough, he swore to give you twice or thrice of what he had, it didn’t matter if he was to be in debt.

He held you tight, the sight of you crying was enough to make tears made their way to his eyes as well. And it pained him, knowing the best he could do in that moment was only to hold you tighter, as he wished that he could mend whatever broken part you had with one of his.

Sylus

He didn’t even flinch when you climbed on his lap, your usual talkativeness was nowhere to be found.

You rested your head on his shoulder and within seconds he knew that your emotions were in chaos, and if you thought you could find comfort in him, then he was more than happy to be there for you.

“Let me stay like here for a while,” you said weakly, voice all tense and anxious.

He brought a palm to your back, “By all means, darling. You didn’t think I was going to turn you away, did you?”

You stayed quiet, trying your best to get your emotions in order but it just seemed impossible. Sylus then sigh at your another attempt to pretend once again that you’re okay. “Cry if you need. Tears were never a sign of weakness, it just proves that you’re human.”

His rigid sentence somehow brought a strange sense of comfort for you, making your tears escape freely.

Sylus’ fingers felt fleeting on your back, like a touch that could slip away anytime. But he made sure none of that will happen as he stroke your hair gently over and over.

Was he worried of you? Absolutely. Yet he believed with all of his entire being that you that has fallen apart that day, would have no time standing back up again on the next day.

If there’s anything he learnt about you during your time with him, is that you’re a stranger to giving up.

#lads x reader #zayne love and deepspace #love and deepspace x reader #xavier love and deepspace #rafayel love and deepspace #love and deepspace sylus #zayne x you #lnds x reader #xavier x reader #rafayel x reader #sylus x reader #love and deepspace #lads angst #lads fluff

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kitimeq · 6 months ago

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ੈ✩‧₊˚we can’t be friends 🤍 xavier 星回 ੈ✩‧₊˚

RE-UPLOAD! The original post didn’t show up in the tags, sorry for the confusion :c

pairing ੈ✩: xavier x reader

summary ੈ✩: you and xavier had been best friends for years, nearly inseparable since the moment you met. But after one slightly drunken night, everything shifted: you became friends with benefits. You told yourself you could handle it, but as time went on, your heart began to ache. You had to end it, for your own sake. You were in love with him, but you couldn't shake the painful truth: you believed he’d never feel the same. Still, what if, all this time, while you were trying to push him away, he was quietly hoping to show you how perfect you two were together?

word count ੈ✩: 12k. omg. it’s LONG, long. grab some snacks and let me entertain you for a while!!

tropes ੈ✩: 18+, smut, best friends with benefits, miscommunication, unrequited love, not really tho, angst, angst with happy ending, plot with porn, love confessions, needy xavier, obsessed xavier, domestic xavier, i suck at giving tropes i swear i will get better someday, desperate xavier, everything is consensual, the consumption of alcohol mentioned, pet names, xavier was once in love with mc but the myths are not canon in this one!!

author’s note ੈ✩: GUYS this one’s IT. This idea was blooming slowly in my mind for quite some time. I really hope you’ll like it 🥹 also, please be gentle with me, i’m not a native speaker of english and I’m definitely not a writer. I like to think that everything i create is just fueled by my passionate delulu. please let me know if you liked it and if maybe you’d like to read part 2!! ♡ enjoy your reading!!

!!do NOT read if you’re not 18+!!

ੈ✩‧₊˚

It all started with the simplest of touches.

Your hands grazed, as if by accident. Then your eyes met. He grabbed you by your forearm, or maybe you grabbed him, everything was so blurry in your mind. A touch on a waist, a hand on a chest, and a sudden clash of your lips. You saw fireworks exploding in your mind, sending pleasant thrumming throughout your whole body.

Desperate touches. Rapid breaths. A whisper, maybe two. He said something. What did he say? The sound of your heart was the only thing you could hear.

Your dress came off. You felt lips. Lips marking every part of your body, leaving behind wet paths that made the exposed skin shiver due to the coolness of the air. He went down. Down. Down, and looked at you expectantly. Your head never nodded that quickly and it probably never will again. You saw stars. Millions and millions of them, shimmering under your closed eyelids. He grabbed your hand and put it into his hair. You caressed it gently, savoring the softness of it.

Then, you saw his eyes. Beautiful, deep blues that looked far too innocent for what he did and what he was about to do with you next. He kissed you again and again, and again, and he held you close throughout the whole night, making you shiver, moan, cry, beg — until you fell asleep from exhaustion right in the safety of his arms. He turned your world upside down.

And then came the next morning, when you began to question the entire ordeal. You panicked, thinking about your friendship that you valued the most and Xavier, whom you just couldn’t bear to lose. However, when you wanted to put it past you, to blame the alcohol consumed that night, act as if it was just a slip of your judgment, a mistake, a reaction caused by the need of intimacy after being single for a long time, he wasn’t having it. He said that he couldn’t forget about it, that it changed things, and you blurted out the first thing that came into your mind. You proposed the whole arrangement.

And that’s how, after several months, your relationship with Xavier stayed clear and technically uncomplicated. Friends with benefits. You thought that even if that night did change things, then in this way you could act as if it wasn’t a big deal to you. In this way, you wouldn’t have to lose him, wouldn’t make things awkward. You still acted normally in front of each other, you continued to spend time in almost the same way you were before that faithful night, but with one drastic change.

Almost every encounter since that night ended with you in his bed or the other way around. Hours and hours spent in each other’s embrace, touching and feeling too much, all at once.

And said feelings were what made you finally decide that you couldn’t do this anymore. You couldn’t continue sharing with him this intimacy, pretending that everything between you remained unchanged. You couldn’t do this anymore, knowing that it was all that you’ll ever get from him, despite being in love with him for so long.

You knew that he would never reciprocate your feelings. You knew that from the beginning, from the very first touch of your fingertips that night, but you foolishly thought that having him close for as long as he wanted you, would be enough for you. Even if he wanted you only for your body, because you were the easiest choice.

However, your heart was breaking every time you were reminded of one significant fact, a harsh reality that felt like a bucket of cold water in your face.

He will never love you. Because you were not her.

And you will never be.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

You already had a strategy to end the arrangement. You wanted to take it slow, step by step, with just a bit of pain on your side. You knew it wasn't your best plan, but it was a plan nonetheless. You wanted to end the friends-with-benefits arrangement in a way that would make you both slowly, almost naturally, drift apart—so subtly that he wouldn't even notice the change. As for you, you were ready to bear the painful consequences of your actions, if it saved you from the excruciating pain of a broken heart later.

You started with avoiding his kisses.

And it turned out to be a tough job to do, because you didn’t realize before how much of a kisser Xavier became during your friends-with-benefits situation. It never really bothered you before, you always accepted every single kiss with content. However, during your last meeting, you were trying so hard to avoid his lips, and noticed that he made it into an almost impossible task.

When you went out one night, he wanted to kiss you three times during hot pot, even though you were sitting across from each other. You thought that the sitting situation was enough of an obstacle, but you quickly learned that he always somehow managed to find a chance to try to steal a kiss. That not only bewildered you, but also made you blush so hard that you had to blame the spicy food for it to not look suspicious. Yet, you managed to stay your ground and ignored his needy attempts at capturing your lips.

You also avoided his lips while you were later watching a movie in his apartment, by pretending that you didn’t see or feel his constant gaze on you. You thought that maybe if he saw that the movie engaged you so much, he would finally drop the attempts. Unfortunately, your plan failed the moment his patience thinned, when he started kissing your neck while cradling your body to his. He was grabbing at you almost desperately and you really couldn’t escape from every single kiss he was giving you, no matter how much you tried to. And you really tried to.

“Why—why are you turning your face away? A-Ah… Let me look at y-you—mmm.” He said between his moans, and he never once stopped thrusting inside you. It was the day when he took you on a sofa between his soft, plushy pillows with the movie still playing in the background. Your legs were laying on his shoulder, his both hands holding onto them tightly while his hips thrust deep inside you, making you gasp in pleasure. When you didn’t respond and kept your head away, hoping that he would finally stop with his relentless kisses, his hand gently grabbed your face and turned it towards his so that your eyes met. He smiled softly, his cheeks pink and face damp. “Yes, there you are. You feel good? You wanna break?” He almost slurred and you adored how quickly he was loosing himself with you, how much he was losing his composure. When you squeezed your eyes, moaning at a harder thrust and shook your head no, he whimpered. Next thing you knew, he lowered your legs onto the sofa and lay between them, bringing his body closer to yours. Your chests touched and you could feel his rapid heartbeat, mirroring the rhythm of your own. He nudged your head, which was still turned to the side, with his nose.

“Give me a kiss, c’mon, starlight.” He kissed your cheek, slowing down his thrusts to a lazy, delicate ones. “I couldn’t get a kiss all day, I need it. Let me.” And when you saw his eyes, full of desperation and something that reminded you of adoration, you couldn’t keep denying him. Your lips touched his and he didn’t let go of them until you came, and later when he began growling straight into your mouth, chasing his own undoing.

It was the last time you met up, and after that you decided that you had to cut it off completely. You couldn’t continue being with him like this, not when you knew that he already loved someone else. Being with him this close messed with your head. You didn’t want to feel like a convenient second choice and you couldn’t help but feel that your meetings were slowly becoming more and more intimate. You had to constantly remind yourself that you weren’t together. You made sure to label the change in your relationship properly at the start of the arrangement — still on friendly terms, with occasional mutual pleasure. But the close proximity and constant intimacy started to make the lines blurry in your mind.

And your heart couldn’t take it anymore, it hurt every time you reminded yourself that he didn’t reciprocate your feelings, and that he never will.

After that movie night you decided that the next step to your goal would be to stop engaging in small talk with him, especially the one that occurred at work.

You worked together at the Hunter’s Association, he was one of the best Hunters out there, and you specialized in weapon modification from the safety of your own desk. You wanted to be a hunter once, but with your Evol involving micromodification you guessed that you could be needed in a position that involved working with weaponry. After working there for years, you were passionate about your work and elated to have a job you loved and where you thrived while helping others to the best of your abilities.

Thus, because of the shared place of employment, you saw Xavier almost every day. He was often near your desk, passing by it, putting snacks before you or teasing you with that soft smile of his. So, cutting the contact out there was one of the toughest jobs for you, but it had to be done.

When you knew that he would be free, you found a task that needed completion in other departments, so that you will not cross paths. Often, instead of others coming to you to fix their weapons, you proposed to make the trip instead. In this way you were always quick on your feet, going from department to department, back to the workshop and again to the others’ desks. You didn’t mind the extra activity, it made you think less about your breaking heart.

And when Xavier managed to catch you from time to time, because he always somehow would, you were trying to appear too busy even for a small conversation.

“Where are you rushing off to again? I didn’t manage to talk to you these past few days.” He said one day when he caught you by your elbow while you were going out of the bathroom. He must’ve seen you go in there and wait for you to come out. He brought you a little closer to himself and looked at your face so intently, that you got scared he could see right through you.

“Sorry Xai, I’m just really busy lately.” You answered, maybe too quickly, and were trying to calm your beating heart upon seeing him so close again. Too close. It didn’t help that he was in his hunter’s uniform, that made him look twice as dreamy. You were so close that you could also smell his comforting scent and see the small scar on his cheek that he got last year after you two tried ice skating for the first time.

The first and the last, for it appeared that you were much better at it than he would ever be, and you wanted to avoid him getting hurt again. It was also before your friends-with-benefits situation, when your friendship was pure and healthy. Your heart squeezed remembering how he grabbed your hand then, and how tightly he used to hold it throughout the whole activity.

“Xavier, are you sure you don’t want to go back home already? I’m afraid that your cut will scar if we leave it like that.” You said, looking at the band aid on his cheek, the only remedy for his small injury that you could provide at that time.

He squeezed your hand and still appeared sheepish after his fall. You secretly found him adorable, you never saw him doing something in which he didn’t excel in. It was as if he let you see a part of himself that no one had ever seen before. That thought made your chest warmer.

“No. I won’t let the ice defeat me.” He said surely and you knew that he won’t give up, even if his legs already visibly trembled from exhaustion. You let out a sigh. “Besides, you’re holding my hand now, so I feel much safer.” He looked at you, his voice soft and cheeks red, most likely from the cold air. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state made you completely overcome by the feeling of tenderness, and you send him a huge smile, thinking that it was the first time he relied on your protection, and not the other way around.

Little did you know that this smile would catch him by surprise so much that he slipped backwards, this time pulling you down with him. However, your reflexes slightly worked, because you managed to put your hand behind his head, shielding it from the impact with ice. You landed on him with a groan as his hands moved to pull your body closer.

“Oh god, Xai, are you okay? How did that happen?” You asked him, trying to lift yourself off of him. You felt him relax his head further into your hand, and when you raised yourself enough to face him directly, he sent you a wide smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners. This sight made your heart melt.

“See, I knew you would protect me.” He replied, clearly referring to your hand behind his head. “My little savior.” He called you, and when you puffed the air out, annoyed that he could have hurt himself for real this time, his smile turned into a full laugh, his body shaking under yours. He looked so angelic, covered in snow, laughing in a way that was so scarce that you couldn’t help but join him in his moment of happiness.

And thanks to your mittens, your hand was left with only a purple bruise from the impact. Still, Xavier couldn’t let you forget about it up to the day it disappeared completely, expressing guilt for the minor injury, his sight chasing your hand every time it appeared in his line of vision. He often caressed it softly with his fingers, looking at it with a mysteriously thoughtful expression, whispering “My little savior.” under his breath. It made you wish that the bruise would never disappear.

You took a step back, suddenly overwhelmed by the memories and the closeness between you. He always invaded your personal space, stood so close that you could almost feel his breath on your face. This time, you had had to cut it out for your own good.

“S’okay. You’re always busy but I guess I just got used to meeting you near your desk. Just text me after work? Maybe we could meet up for our book club today.” He said and you swallowed the awful feeling of longing in your chest. Book club was the term you came up with when you both just wanted to sit and read together for hours. Unfortunately, you knew how book club sessions looked like since the beginning of your friends-with-benefits arrangement.

You were sitting together in silence, reading for hours, then talked about your books until you both lost your breaths. A wonderful experience, you adored your little reading sessions, but you knew that recently they always ended with his lips on yours, and with your clothes scattered around his bedroom.

You couldn’t let this go on forever. You couldn’t go back to being just friends now, and you couldn’t keep him so close, knowing that he will never fully be yours. You pitied your poor heart.

“Sure, will do. See you around!” You were aware how awkward you sounded, but before he could stop you, you were already off to another task of the day.

You didn’t text him after work, and neither did you reply to his message in time. The next day you send him an excuse that you were tired and fell asleep quickly, and you hoped that he believed it or didn’t care enough to question you further.

If the distance hurt you this bad now, you couldn’t even imagine how would it feel when he eventually would’ve left you for her.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

The next stage of your plan involved not answering his texts at all. You allowed yourself small replies from time to time, most often very brief, if the situation called for it. Replying excuses from left to right. Then, you incorporated not picking up his calls, especially on weekends, when he appeared to want to see you the most, because you were absent from the Association building and he couldn’t catch even a glimpse of you.

The distance you yourself put between you broke your heart, and you were getting more and more depressed by the day. Ignoring the person you loved wasn’t easy, when he was the one with whom you wanted to spend your time the most.

To distract yourself from the situation, you were trying to pass your time differently. You were meeting up with your family and friends, or you started doing things that you were putting off for ages. Everything and anything to fill the void in your heart caused by the absence of the one you loved. The absence forced by you.

It had to be done, you reminded yourself daily. You had to end this somehow, no matter how it hurt you. You had to move on. You couldn’t still be in love with him the day he would end up with MC. You knew it would ruin you.

Three weeks passed since your last meeting at the Association and you could feel that Xavier was getting impatient. His calls were more frequent. His messages longer. Sometimes while running away from him at work, you could catch how he was scanning the room in search of you. How frustrated he seemed to be. How upset.

You understood it. You were best friends after all, and he also probably needed someone near him to help him get his head clear of MC. You knew that it must’ve been hard for him. But you were sure you were doing the right thing, that’s why you kept avoiding him during the past month, and not only it was the longest period you’ve been away from each other since the start of your complicated arrangement, but also the longest time since the start of your friendship. Even when the times were rough, you managed to see each other at least once or twice a week.

You felt the pain of the distance too. Missing him almost every second of the day. But you had your reasons. You didn’t want to try to satiate the hunger he felt for another woman anymore.

So every time his name appeared on your phone screen, along with the picture of him shoving two muffins into his mouth at the same time, you closed your eyes, took a deep breath, and waited out the signal, simultaneously praying for and dreading the silence.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

On a quiet rainy day, after a month of ignoring almost every attempt to make contact from Xavier, you heard your phone ping thrice. You sighed and put the book you were reading down, deciding that it was a good moment to reply something short to him in order to slightly ease his worries, and make him feel less alarmed. You wanted distance, but you still sticked to responding from time to time, to appear casual. To let the connection break off less abruptly.

xavier: why cant I see U at all recently.

xavier: why are U not picking up my calls and not replying to my texts.

xavier: are U hiding from me?

you: Of course not, just busy.

xavier: busy for me but not busy for others I know U are going out all the time.

xavier: are U mad at me? did I do something wrong.

you: No, you didn’t, don’t worry. It’s just me. I have a lot of things on my mind recently.

xavier: could U please have me on Ur mind too? I miss U.

xavier: so bad it hurts

You let out a rugged breath, and decided to stop responding, but then another text came. This time, making your blood run cold.

xavier: going back from a rough mission right now i think i need help.

you: Oh my god, are you okay? Are you injured?

xavier: cant tell U why dont you come and see me for Urself.

you: Fine, I need to see if you’re okay. Do you need anything? Food? Medicine? I will pick something up on my way there.

xavier: i just need U

You closed your eyes and hid your face in your palms, then swore it would be the last time. You will go in, treat his wounds and go out. It had to be the last time you allowed yourself to be this close to him, and then you had to cut him off completely. A month wasn’t enough to heal your broken heart, and these small sightings won’t make your heart feel any less burdened.

It had to end today.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

When the door opened, he managed to take your breath away once more.

First, only figuratively. His beauty always managed to amaze you. He looked so handsome no matter the circumstances, his hair so fluffy and shiny, his face like that of an angel, with sharp jawline and soft, pink lips almost screaming at you to be kissed. When you met his eyes, you almost gasped at the intensity of his deep blue gaze. There wasn’t a thing about him you didn’t miss terribly after so much time apart.

Then, literally, when the first thing he did was grabbing your hand and hugging you tightly to his chest, that was still clothed in his hunter uniform. He pressed his face into the crown of your hair and touched the nape of your neck, holding it gently with his cold hand.

“Was the mission that difficult?” You asked, thinking that his reaction to you was mostly due to his need for someone else’s closeness. The need for security. “Were you in danger?” You asked quietly, fear bubbling in your mind.

“No. I lied.” He murmured and you felt him squeezing you even harder, inhaling your scent with content. His hand started stroking your back, slowly making its way under your thin coat. “Didn’t know what else to say to make you come see me.” He said and you hoped that he couldn’t hear, nor feel the sound of your erratic heartbeat.

He shouldn’t say things like these, it made you feel too hopeful. You tried to push that feeling down, knowing that’s how he normally acted with you, his best friend. You knew that he didn’t have a lot of people beside him, thus he treasured the ones that stayed. And that thought made you so incredibly apologetic that you had to swallow the tension in your throat. You hated that you fell for him so hard. You hated that you had to leave him because of it. You hated that you knew, that he would blame himself when you’ll leave.

And you started to hate yourself the most because of all of it.

“Did you miss me that much?” You teased, trying to calm yourself with a friendly banter.

“Yes.” The answer was immediate. The kiss he placed on your temple as natural as breathing. “Everything and everyone seems to be taking you away from me these days.” He said and you could hear him sulking. Your heart squeezed again, but you knew that you were doing the right thing. The distance was necessary.

Necessary for you to avoid breaking. You had to protect yourself first, you decided. You couldn’t remain in love with him forever. You had to move on and in order to do that you had to keep the distance. Which was impossible with him around, when he craved physical touch so badly.

You started to be so mad at yourself for breaking your streak today. You didn’t realize how touchy he will be after some time apart and it was getting to your head. You were so conflicted. You felt too much, and that was always the case when you were around him.

He was in love with someone else. Your head was screaming loudly, trying to calm the wave of unwanted emotions.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered. I love you, you thought. “But now I’m here, so maybe I can inspect you for any injuries? You always seem to neglect them as long as they don’t make you bleed out.” You managed to free yourself from his hold and missed how his hands went after you for a second. He didn’t want you to put distance between you two. Not yet, not ever.

He looked into your beautiful, shiny eyes and nodded without a thought. He couldn’t say no to you, not when he saw the still remaining hint of worry in them. Besides, checking for injuries always came with physical contact, and he was so starved. He needed to feel your body close to his. Your hands on him, somewhere, anywhere, everywhere. He felt addicted and craved some kind of relief. He looked after you like a lost puppy, following your footsteps closely, touching the familiar material of your coat that you left on a counter. The distance this past month made him feral, every part of his body screamed to hold you and don’t let go.

You sat down on his couch, and patted the place next to you, hinting at him to sit beside you. He was trying not to appear too eager while doing so, and also when he started taking off the upper part of his uniform. He was almost shaking with excitement knowing that you really came to see him. That you were worried about him. The distance was making him sick. Furious. Desperate. Hurt.

He suppressed a shudder when you touched his shoulder and peeled away the material off his back completely. Your hands were pleasantly warm, as always. He bit his lip trying not to gasp from the contact.

He needed more.

“Xavier.” He hummed, giddy inside upon finally hearing his name from your lips. He was bracing for your outburst. Couldn’t wait for it. “You said you lied about the mission being hard, while having a fucking gash on your back? I-I can’t believe you...” He heard your angry, shaky voice and smirked unintentionally. You were worried about him and he liked that. He liked the attention, when it was coming from you.

Yet, you didn’t know that.

You cursed under your breath and went to grab the first aid kit from one of his drawers, and proceeded to patch the man back up, having no idea that he allowed the Wanderer to injure him, to have an excuse to see you. To keep you with him for a minute longer, even if it was only under the pretense of tending to his injuries. He was ready to do anything at this point to keep you from slipping away from his grasp.

If you knew that, you wouldn’t be so adamant on distancing yourself.

But because you didn’t know, you also didn’t predict that after patching him up, he would propose you to eat dinner with him, making up an excuse that he didn’t want to be alone with his pain. Later, when you wanted to come back to your place, he mentioned he wanted to play kitty cards, the game you adored. You couldn’t refuse him.

During the next hours you spent at his place you both talked in the same way you always used to - about everything and anything, exchanging opinions, stories and everyday thoughts. You laughed together for the first time in weeks, and your cheeks hurt from how much he was able to make you smile. You always had so much fun with him; he was your favorite person in the whole world. You missed him so bad, despite knowing that you couldn’t back out from your plan fully. Yet, you allowed yourself a little break, telling yourself that it was in order for your distancing to not look suspicious. In addition, he was injured, and you felt the need to comfort him in any way you could. The gash on his back wasn’t that deep, but it worried you regardless.

The atmosphere changed drastically only when he managed to win the next round of kitty cards. You jokingly frowned at him, forging displeasure, and he looked directly at your pouting lips. The time seemed to stop when you noticed that look. He raised his hand to touch your collarbone, caressing it with his fingers, up to your neck and over your cheek. He looked deeply into your eyes, and you noticed how dark his became. You found it fascinating that his soft gaze could change so drastically in a matter of seconds.

His hand reached out to grab your chin and brought your face closer to his. And when he whispered: “Could I ask for a reward?” with that dangerous, needy voice of his, you knew that you couldn’t deny him anything.

When your lips touched, you decided that it will be the last time you let it happen. It would be your goodbye, before losing the feel of his touch. You thought that you could at least make the best of it, get lost in the artificial feeling of being treasured for the last time, before you started the last phase of your plan.

After that, you had to cut off the ties with him completely. No matter the measures. No matter the pain.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

“Xavier, m-maybe not today?” You asked when you realized how low he was going with his kisses. You knew what he was about to do, and you hated how much you couldn’t contain the sounds that were coming out of your mouth when he was doing it. Besides, it didn’t feel like a mutual pleasure anymore, it felt like an act of service and you were not sure you wanted him to pleasure only you.

He looked at you, having already dropped to his knees. He looked ruined, his hair already a mess from the touch of your fingers, lips wet and swollen, shirt off displaying his toned chest, bandaged in the center with caution. He was practically heaving. The sight made you blush.

“Why not?” His voice sounded whiny, his lips already kissing the inside of your thigh as if he couldn’t restrain himself. Every kiss sent electricity to your already wet core and you found it hard to think clearly. His hands were grabbing your tights possessively, relishing in their softness. “Please, let me eat you out. I’ll make you feel good, I promise.” The pleading in his eyes was so apparent. So unfiltered.

“Don’t you want to get to the point already?” You offered shyly and he huffed out a laugh.

“Where are you trying to run off to this time?” It sounded like a joke, but he appeared annoyed. “Relax, starlight and let me take care of you. Please.” You still hesitated. It made him pout. “I need it, please, star. I want to taste you so bad. I didn’t manage to last time.” He kissed your knee and put his head on it, looking for the answer in your unsure eyes. “Will you let me?” His pleading tone, along with his desperate gaze was what made you break. You whispered a soft confirmation and it was all it took before he quickly put his mouth on your core, licking vigorously, devouring you like the most delicious thing on the planet.

“Mmmm.” You heard him humming, before your own cries, along with the constant tremble of your legs, drowned out any other sound.

He was elated.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

“Mmmh— Yes. Yes. H—holy—” He whimpered at the same time with his thrusts and squeezed your waist harder, moving his hands up and down your back, caressing it affectionately. “You are s-so warm, so beautiful, fuck—” He moaned when you tightened on him. You stiffed a whimper and tried to commit to memory the touch of his strong hands.

He was taking you slowly from behind and the pace was almost unbearable for you. You needed more, and you couldn’t stand how romantic it felt when he was this gentle with you. However, at the same time you didn’t want him to strain himself, you were aware that the slow pace was reasonable due to the injury on his back. The slow pace did surprise you either way, you thought that after so much time apart he would be quick and rough, chasing his pleasure faster than he normally would. Instead, he acted even more passionately than usual.

The slow pace brought you so much pleasure that you couldn’t contain the sounds escaping from your lips. He kept pressing your most sensitive spots, his thrusts slow, deep and precise. His forehead rest on the back of your shoulder, and you could feel his hot, labored breath pressing against your damp skin.

He made you feel so appreciated, and so cared for, and that made you uneasy. More so, with the accompaniment of the things he was constantly saying to you, from the moment you allowed him to touch you today.

“Can you turn around now? Please, my star, I want to see you.” He half-whispered and started kissing your neck, then moving his mouth to every patch of your skin he could reach: your shoulders, back, arms. No place was left unkissed under his relentless lips. You shook your head no; you didn’t want to let this become even more passionate than it already was. You positioned yourself facing the headboard of the bed from the very beginning, and you were adamant to keep your stance up until the end. You feared that your eyes would betray you, displaying your feelings for him and that was what made you not lose your composure.

Upon hearing your refusal for the third time this night, he proceeded to voice his frustrations by grunting, and thrust into you a little harder. You moaned loudly, surprised at the sudden change of tempo.

“Please, starlight.” He begged; his voice achingly earnest. He picked up the pace and you almost choked with how deep he reached inside of you now. You thought that you could never get used to how big he was, his girth filling you up to the brim. “Turn around. T-turn around for me.”

“X-xavier slow down, I don’t want you to get hurt—” You managed to choke out, grasping sheets with your hands for some kind of stability. You closed your eyes when they were turning upwards, biting your lip in the process. He felt otherworldly, but you couldn’t help but think about the gash on his back. He shouldn’t strain himself.

“Then turn around and look at me.” He repeated and you shook your head again.

“I-I can’t, I—Ah—”

“W-why do you keep—Mmh—denying me?” His voice came out like a growl and he kept up the fast tempo. Then, he grabbed your shoulder and put his other hand on your lower back, making you bend over more. His thrusts got even faster, making you moan louder. “Like that. Yes.” You breathed quietly. So good. He was so, so good. “I just want to see your face. I need to kiss y—A—Ah—Kiss you so bad, so, so, so bad.” He thrust more deeply, making you involuntarily back out from the stimulation, your body almost collapsing, but he quickly grabbed you with his strong arms, and brought you even closer to him. You saw stars and touched one of the arms that held your whole body — from your waist, between your breasts, to your neck. His arm was so hard, so strong. He was huge compared to you. “No, n-no, don’t run away, star. You feel so good—G-God how I missed this—” He held you closer by the second, pressing more kisses to your shoulders, his thrusts becoming quicker, less deep. You were holding back your tears from how good he felt inside you. “I missed you. I missed you. I miss you.” He started babbling and that’s how you knew he was close.

To your surprise, he suddenly pulled out of you completely and grabbed you by your shoulders, turning you around to finally face him. Before you could show any signs of protest, he lowered himself onto his forearms, caging your head between his biceps so that he could have a perfect view of your face. He took his cock in one of his hands and he slipped himself into you again with ease. You shuddered and cried out softly with astonishment.

“Xavier—!”

“Yes. Yes, that’s my name.” He started thrusting into you again, this time much slower and more attentive, and looked deep into your eyes. You had nowhere to run, the only thing you could do was to close your eyes, but the sight of him so close made you want to never look away. “Say it one more time. Just once.” He looked ethereal, his silver hair wet from the perspiration that gathered on his forehead, and his cheeks painted a pretty shade of red. You could see how blissful he felt. “So p-pretty.” He finally kissed your lips softly. “So sweet.” He licked into your mouth, deepening the kiss. It made your toes curl, you loved when he kissed you this sloppily. When he released your already swollen lips, there was a string of saliva connecting you. It was all so intense.

“Why were you denying my kisses?” He kissed you again deeply, sucking on your tongue. His slow thrusts made you go insane. “You don’t like kissing me like this?” He sucked on your lips until they were red and swollen. There was so much saliva. He licked them and kissed them again. “I could come from this feeling alone. So soft.” You were shocked at how much he talked. Was he always this talkative? Or were you realizing it only now, when you knew that the closeness with him would soon come to an end?

“Am I making you feel good? Yeah?” You decided to nod at him truthfully, your moans short, resembling small hiccups. You were lost in the pleasure; you could feel the end approaching. He put his forehead against yours, breathing heavily. “W—wow, you—you sound so adorable, I won’t last long—” He moaned and grabbed your face in his hands, kissing your nose first, then softly your lips.

“Yes, yeah, let go. Let go my little star. My starlight, my treasure.” He whispered into your ear, feeling you clench down on him as you came with his name on your lips. You felt him reaching the end quickly after you, he shuddered, his mouth opened, and he released into the condom with a low moan. Still cumming, he took your face into his hands and kissed your forehead gently. When you both were still coming down from the high, breathing heavily, he began stroking your hair, pushing it out of your face, and kissing your cheeks.

What in the world was all that?

God, you couldn’t do this anymore. You couldn’t let this keep up, it felt too real, too romantic, and your heart really couldn’t take it. Not when every time you were together like this you keep thinking that he would like you to be someone else instead. Did he imagine her under him this time? You trembled, scared because of that thought, but the things he was saying made you feel that it really could be the case.

Your breath came out shakily and you took his muscular forearms in your palms and grazed them gently with your thumbs. You let yourself feel for the last time how warm his body was, how pleasurable his weight on top of you. You kept your eyes closed to not let him see your tears, but you couldn’t stop one from going down your cheek.

And of course, he saw it as soon as it appeared. He seemed to always look at you when you wanted him to ignore you the most.

He kissed it off, swiped the wetness with his thumb and proceeded to kiss your temple.

“Why are you crying?” He asked softly, his eyebrows furrowed. “Did I hurt you?” He appeared so concerned, and you felt the shivers going down your spine.

Yes, you wanted to scream.

“No, of course not.” You said instead. Because it was your fault for feeling too much. “I’m okay, just tired.” You lied straight to his face. He sent you a small smile and kissed your closed eyelids gently.

And when he shifted and pulled out from you slowly with a little hiss, you let out a sigh and knew that your time with him had to end now.

But before you could lift yourself up, he hugged you from the side and put his head on your chest. He was listening to the sound of your heartbeat, and you already knew that it had a soothing effect on him. His hand started caressing one side of your waist, his hair touching your chin, his scent overlapping you. You could feel his heartbeat on you, fast but steady. Another tear escaped from your eyes. You had to run away. You couldn’t take the closeness anymore. It was too painful.

“Xavier, I—” You swallowed the sob forming in your throat. Your voice came out rusty. “I really need to go.”

“Already? Stay with me for a little while longer.” He squeezed you harder to himself, showing no intention of releasing you from his hold. You hated that you needed to cut short such a vulnerable moment with him. “The night is still young. I thought we could maybe watch something together? Or bake these cinnamon cookies you like? I practiced, they taste and look almost perfect now.” You closed your eyes hard, moved by his thoughtfulness, and you almost sobbed audibly if it wasn’t for your hand quickly covering your mouth.

But he felt it, and it made all the muscles in his body tighten, as if he was struck.

“Star?” He loosened his hold on you and quickly studied your face. “What’s wrong?” His eyes became huge, filled with worry. And that concern on his features was what finally made you run.

You raised gently and pushed yourself from him, starting to pick up your scattered pieces of clothing. Your hands shakily put the panties and your sweater on your trembling body, not once looking Xavier’s way. He was waiting patiently for your answer.

“I can’t do this anymore, Xavier.” You replied, feeling more comfortable now that you had some clothes on. You couldn’t meet his eyes, but you heard him standing up from the bed.

“Do what?” He sounded puzzled. You heard him grabbing and putting on some pants hastily, clicking his belt in place. As if he was preparing to run after you. “Did I do something wrong? You didn’t like it today? Was I too intense?” You had never heard him speak so quickly, and the panic in his tone was a rare occurrence too.

“No, it’s— I am at fault here.” You answered truthfully, and you took a couple steps away from him. You wanted to run as fast as you could but for the love of God, you couldn’t locate any other pieces of your clothing. Your eyesight was clouded by unleashed tears. No, not now, you couldn’t let them fall until you were in the safety of your home.

“But you were perfect.” His voice carried more panic by the second. “We could change some things. You could tell me what to do differently, everything works with me as long as I do it with you.”

You suddenly remembered the beginning of your night, and rushed to his living room, were you finally found your pants.

“No. No, and please stop trying to persuade me. This—this friends with benefits thing, it ends now.” You uttered surely, now fully clothed. You turned around and finally laid your eyes on him, and saw him wearing only black jeans and a miserable expression on his face. God, he still looked perfect. He almost shined, the workout clearly visible on his face, his hair, his lips. Your resolution almost wavered.

“Okay. Okay, of course, I—I understand.” He answered quickly, and you felt a slight pang in your chest at how easily he took the news. This whole time you were so easily disposable. “But please stay. I want to spend some time with you, I haven’t seen you in such a long time.” He took a careful step towards you, and you wanted to bolt then and there. “Please, stay.”

“No, Xai, I—” You paused to take a breath, trying not to crumble in front of him. His worried expression felt like a knife to your chest. You were his best friend, yet here you were, clearly wanting to run away from him—how could you expect him to feel anything but hurt upon such a sight? You felt incredibly cruel. “I really can’t. I think I need a break from all—all of this.”

“You mean from me?” He didn’t wait for your answer, the thoughts in his head seemed to go quicker than lightning. “No, please, I swear that if you don’t like it then I won’t touch you anymore. I swear.” You hated how upset he sounded. You closed your eyes for a second and fresh tears slipped away. You couldn’t keep them from falling anymore. “You know how much you mean to me. Don’t make me stay away.” He looked as if you were tearing his heart out, his posture slumped, hands shaking. How you wished you could take them into your own and warm them up.

“I have to.” Your voice came out whiny. He stepped closer to you, keeping his arms in front of himself.

“But why?” His question was quiet, nearly a whisper. He couldn’t help but wonder, if you really wanted a break from him, then why were you crying as if you didn’t want to go?

“I—” You stopped yourself before going as far as to utter a confession. He couldn’t know. Not now. Not ever. “This— This situation, and how our friendship looks like right now it’s—it’s so wrong.” You opted for a response that was the closest to the truth.

“It’s not.” He replied immediately. “Not for me.”

“Well it is for me. Friends don’t sleep with each other, Xavier! We messed up so bad this time and I’m afraid we can’t let this past us.”

“Do you regret it that much?” His voice was losing its’ strength, and he seemed so utterly hurt. Meanwhile, you were just trying to protect yourself from feeling even more pain. How could you make him understand without confessing to him? You didn’t really know because you were always honest with him before. He was your safe place.

And to think that everything could be avoided, your friendship left unscratched if only you could control your feelings better. But you had no idea how to stop loving him so deeply, when he was everything that you’ve ever dreamed of.

“I should. I know that I should, it was never going to end well, I—”

“Stay. Please, starlight, stay. At least for one more night, let me hold you just for one more—” His arms went out to grab you and you flinched, taking a few steps back. His jaw tightened.

He was always afraid that he will see you run away from his touch. He felt as if his nightmare became reality - the thought of losing you too much for him to bear.

“Xavier, I can’t!” You trembled all over. Why did he make this so hard for you? “I can’t do this with you anymore, can’t you understand how much it hurts me?” The truth was at the tip of your tongue, craving to be spoken out loud.

“Why? Why does it hurt you? The only one who has a good reason to be hurt is me, you avoided me, ignored me, and for what? If you just talked to me honestly one time—”

“You are in love with someone else!”

The silence that followed was unbearable and seemed to last ages. Slow ticking of the clock was the only thing cutting through the tension, reminding you that the time didn’t stop, even if your heart seemed to do so.

You turned to him, the tears falling from your eyes in cascades now and your chest was coming up and down rapidly with how fast you were breathing.

The tears run down your cheeks quickly, making your vision less blurry. How you wished that they stayed in place, if that meant that you wouldn’t have to see Xavier’s pained expression, that quickly changed into one of utter confusion. You were shaking with how much you were feeling, your frustration pooling out of you in a form of shaking hands and bitten lips.

“I can’t continue being like this with you when I know that you’re in love with her! And I get it! I really do. She’s so wonderful, and so, so lovable. And I could never be her, no matter how much you would want me to be. I just don’t want to be a replacement anymore.” You continued, the desperation in your voice almost making you wince. You sounded pathetic and felt so embarrassed for it. You felt as if you were losing the ground beneath your feet.

“What?” He said completely stunned. He wasn’t moving a single muscle. “What on earth are you talking about?” He hissed, and took a step towards you, and when you shook your head and wanted to bolt through the door, he quickly grabbed you by your wrist and pressed your body close to his. You gasped at the contact, so sudden and forced. “No, stop running away from me!” He raised his voice, still holding your wrist tightly. You’ve never heard him sound so irritated. “Speak.” You kept your head low, when he was desperately trying to catch eye contact, but you couldn’t look at him right now. Not when your true feelings were basically flowing to the surface.

“About what? You really thought I didn’t know about your feelings for her?” You struggled to keep your voice from shaking. “Xavier, I know, and I knew from the very beginning, and you really don’t have to explain yourself to me. I really understand.” You tried to free your wrist from his grasp, but he held it too tightly. You needed to run, this conversation wasn’t supposed to happen, you didn’t even have a reason to be mad at him. You couldn’t blame him for not loving you romantically, nor for feeling this way towards someone else. You were only friends, and friends should be happy for each other when they find someone dear to them, not sick of the idea of losing the other to someone else.

“I’m afraid you actually don’t understand anything.” He sounded almost defeated. His voice back to its soft tone, but his hold on you unrelenting.

“It’s really okay, I—”

“No.” He scoffed. You finally gained enough courage to let your eyes meet his and you were instantly appalled at how furious he appeared to be. “It’s truly NOT.” He released your wrist and put his hands up to stroke his hair back. He breathed out loudly. “Who the fuck are you talking about?” He asked, confusion and irritation taking over his features completely. You never saw him wear that expression while talking with you.

“Oh, don’t make me—” You cut off, seeing his furious glare. You took a deep breath, stepped back from him and touched your cheek, trying to swipe the wetness caused by your tears. You failed, they were still coming down, one by one, making your efforts futile. “MC. You know that I mean MC.”

“You have to be fucking kidding me.” He groaned and let his head fall back. He covered his face with his hands for a second, and when he looked at you again, you couldn’t read his expression correctly. “Who told you about it? Where did you get it from?”

“Jeremiah.” That’s all he needed to know. And apparently it was enough for him to grasp the situation. He laughed humorlessly and shook his head, his hands squeezed tightly into fists by his sides.

“I will strangle him this time. I swear, I will—”

“Oh, please, Xavier, stop! What’s so wrong about me knowing? I was glad that someone finally enlightened me!” You couldn’t believe that he was so angry at you for knowing such an important thing. Not when from the moment Jeremiah said that he had a thing for MC for a long time, you wondered why he kept that a secret from you. “You never even said a word about it even though I thought we were best friends. I had to learn from someone else and that already hurt.” You wanted this conversation to be over. You wanted him to admit to it already and let you go away, with a broken, but at least free heart.

But he had different plans.

“Have you maybe thought that I never said a word about it simply because it wasn’t true?” He asked carefully, his voice still angry. “I just can’t believe you thought that I loved someone else—”

“What?” Your mind went blank. You needed a moment to collect your thoughts. “What do you mean it’s not true?” You sniffed quietly, confusion taking over your face.“B-But Jeremiah said that you had a past with her and—”

“I did. I had feelings for her once, but that was literal lifetimes ago!” His irritation didn’t ease in the slightest. “I had feelings for someone who looked similar to her. But she’s not the same person anymore, and even if she was, I couldn’t possibly fall in love with her. Not now, not ever.” You stopped in your tracks, trying to analyze everything he was saying to you and failing miserably at it. You looked at his face, your expression puzzled, searching for an answer there, hidden between his beautiful, soft features. It shocked you to see that now he started to calm himself down, gaze genuine, an image of complete transparency.

You couldn’t wrap your head around the idea that you were mistaken. All this time, when you thought you never stood a chance, when you thought that he loved another, when you wanted to let him go—

“You’re not in love with MC.” It wasn’t a question anymore, your voice quiet while you were trying to process that thought. He must’ve seen how you fought with the thoughts inside your head, because he released a groan and took a step towards you. You unintentionally took one step back. He frowned.

“Of course I’m not.” Voice sweet like honey, stance sure, his eyes searched desperately for yours. He looked at your face, covered in tears and his eyebrows furrowed deeper, hating how upset you seemed and didn’t know how to reverse it. “How could I ever be, when your face is all I can see, every time I close my eyes?” He uttered looking at you with such devotion that it almost made your knees buckle.

Complete silence took over your thoughts after his confession. You didn’t know what was happening.

But fortunately, his mind finally started to piece everything together in a picture, that although was beyond frustrating to think about, was giving him so much hope for something he thought he already lost.

He allowed himself to relax, took a deep breath and finally decided to drop his inner shackles, letting his emotions flow out of him without restraint.

“You are the one that I love.” He said clearly, not moving a muscle. He wondered if you could see the quick movement of his chest, with how hard his heart was trying to escape through it to reach you. Whereas, you felt as if yours stopped moving completely, along with the time around you, not ready to believe that this was truly happening. “It was you from the very beginning. I adored you since the day I first saw you.” He continued, his gaze piercing into your face, slight confusion visible on his features. “And I thought that was obvious? I wasn’t exactly the best at hiding my feelings, especially after I told you about them the first night we spend together.”

You blinked slowly. Once, then twice.

Your head hurt. You couldn’t wrap it around everything he was saying. Xavier was in love with you? And he already told you about it? You were so confused that the only way you knew how to react was with denial.

“You—You didn’t. I didn’t know, you are not being serious.” He shook his head in disbelief.

“I did. You really don’t remember?” His tone softened, and he waited a short second for your answer, but couldn’t contain his nerves. “It was the night I kissed you for the first time, thinking that would be the last. But you reciprocated.” His eyes gleamed in the moonlight, and you found yourself holding your breath, afraid even the slightest sound might interrupt the flow of his confession.

“You—You kissed me back, and let me do things to you I only ever dared to dream about before.” He took another step your way, a small smile grazing his handsome face. “And the confession slipped out of me so naturally before we even reached the bed.” He briefly recalled that fateful night, describing the conversations you forgot, but longed to remember since that very moment.

“You didn’t reply, but you responded nicely to my touch, so I thought that meant that you wanted me too, that maybe you’d accept me. As your beloved. Your soulmate.” You brought your hand to cover your mouth. You couldn’t believe it. “But then in the morning when you woke up, you were panicking. I tried to reassure you, but you weren’t listening to me.”

That part of the story you knew by heart, him telling you that he couldn’t forget, didn’t want to forget. Back then you didn’t connect it with anything close to confession, but more with the change in your relationship. You really didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, you didn’t even dream about him loving you, when you thought that he loved MC. Insecurities and false assumptions completely clouded your vision.

“And when you proposed staying friends, with the bonus of intimacy, of course I took the chance. I thought you remembered my confession and didn’t reciprocate my feelings, but I was so desperate that I would take anything you were willing to give me, even if it didn’t involve your love. I—” he cut off, blush flushed over his cheeks, up to the tips of his ears. He took a shaky breath. “I was clinging to the hope that maybe through the new shared intimacy I could show you how much you meant to me. And maybe, maybe someday you would start feeling the same, when you realized how good we are together and how good I can be for you.”

“Xavier—Oh my god.” You breathed, your hand still covering your mouth, your eyes never leaving his face. His beautiful, starstruck face, now so full of confusion and unspoken hurt. “Bunny, I’m so, so, so sorry. I had no idea, I—” Your voice practically a whisper, you were still coming to terms with the fact that your feelings were reciprocated. And that you were the one who complicated things between you. “I don’t remember anything you said to me that night. I couldn’t even hear you through the sound of my own blood thrumming in my ears, that’s how drunk I felt. How overwhelmed after our first kiss.”

The alcohol consumed that night also wasn’t of big help. You were a lightweight and you drunk only occasionally, so the few drinks you had already made you feel dizzy. Mixed with the intensity of your emotions, it overwhelmed you so intensely that his touch was all you could remember from that night. But now you could make it all alright.

“I only remember your touch, the things we did, and our conversation the next morning. I remember touching your hand and initiating the kiss, and my tipsy brain just thought that you went with it to forget about MC.” You said truthfully, letting it all pour out of you. Your cheeks burned with the embarrassment of admitting how desperate you were for him, that the thought he loved another didn’t stop you from having sex with him.

Then the blush deepened from the realization that from the very beginning the only one he was thinking about was you.

This thought made your head spin, the happiness slowly bubbling in your chest. Your whole body trembled.

“That’s— Fuck. You really don’t remember.” He shook his head again, realizing how deep the misunderstanding reached. “You didn’t initiate anything. I was the one who kissed you first.”

“No, I—”

“Yes. You touched my hand, smiled at me contentedly and said some things and I—I just couldn’t restrain myself any longer.” This time you were the one who started approaching him slowly. You needed him close. Always. And you realized that now you didn’t have any reasons to deny yourself that lack of distance. “You looked so soft, so open and kissable, and I just went for it. And then you reciprocated.” The light in his eyes started sparkling when he noticed that you were finally coming closer to him. He reached out his hand for you and you took it gently, still shaking from the unspoken emotions.

“I can’t believe it. All this time I thought that you were in love with someone else.” His hand was warm, the touch electrifying. You squeezed his hand and intertwined your fingers together. You saw how between your clasped hands, his Evol started shining brightly, shading soft light upon your features. It was a sign that he was excited. “I tried to put a distance between us, end this intimacy because I thought that I was just a second best for you. An easy distraction.”

“How could you think that? Almost from the moment I met you, I have loved you passionately—” He brought you even closer together, pulling you by your intertwined hands, and put his other hand on your cheek. He swiped the reminder of your tears with his fingers, looking into your eyes with a devotion so apparent that it took your ability to form coherent thoughts. How did you manage to miss the way he was always looking your way?

“X-Xavier.”

“I couldn’t even think about anyone else even if I tried to. You occupy my every thought. How could I ever find a place for somebody else in my heart when you fill the space out completely?” Everything that came out of his mouth was laced with impatience. He was trying so hard to make you understand him, and the intensity of his emotions. He couldn’t psychically hold it inside anymore, he restrained himself for so long that he felt as if all of his walls finally crumbled. He needed you to know everything.

“I love you, starlight. I’m so in love with you that I couldn’t contain that feeling inside anymore. I couldn’t even spend five minutes in your presence without trying to touch you, to kiss you, to hold you. My whole body longs for you constantly.” He said, thinking about the months after you started being friends with benefits. How at first, he wasn’t sure how much he could take from you, and then, when he noticed that you didn’t mind the affection outside the bedroom, he couldn’t contain himself. He kissed you every time he had a chance, he touched you everywhere he could, he was trying to stay away from you as little as possible. Despite thinking that you did not reciprocate his feelings fully, his love for you flowed out of him naturally, every look and every touch laced with unconditional devotion.

During the period of your silence and avoiding him, he thought that it was because he finally crossed a line. He let his feelings out too much, he finally made you uncomfortable. He was starting to act as you lover, not as your friend and it wasn’t what you agreed to. He thought you still didn’t love him and maybe that was a sign that you never will. And even if that could be the case, he still couldn’t let you go.

And it appeared that he didn’t have to.

That you were not uncomfortable, but unsure.

That it was all a huge misunderstanding.

And the words that came out of your pretty, little mouth next, almost brought him to his knees.

“Xavier. Xavier me too, I—” You stuttered, completely overwhelmed by how much you were feeling. You squeezed his wrists, and looked deep into his beautiful, hopeful eyes. “I love you too. And I fell in love with you long before our first night together. I just thought that it was wishful thinking, because your heart was already taken by someone else. And that I could just stay beside you as your friend and that would be enough. And then share your bed from time to time, if that meant that I could hold you close, be on the receiving end of your affection.” You said and raised on your feet to place a quick kiss on his lips. He chased after you instantly, despite appearing stunned. You noticed his hands were shaking.

“You really mean it?” He asked, leaning towards you, kissing your lips again, this time for longer. He had trouble keeping his mouth away from yours, especially now, that he knew that every one of your kisses was filled with love. “Am I not dreaming this time?” You smiled and stroked his hair affectionately, petting his head, wanting to convey your feelings in every way possible.

“Xavier, I love you.” You repeated, grabbing his head in your palms and looking deep into his eyes. Your voice was strong, leaving no room for uncertainty. “I love you so mu—” He didn’t let you finish that sentence, because he quickly picked you up and spun you around, holding you in his arms. You giggled and put your arms around his neck, holding him tightly, his face buried in your neck. When he stopped, he quickly found your lips again and that kiss felt groundbreaking.

He held you close to him, one hand squeezing you by your waist, and the other holding your jaw gently. His brows furrowed in desperation and his kisses were slow, sensual, sending pleasant shocks throughout your whole body. His tongue made an appearance, and he tasted you in a way that made your legs feel like jelly. He licked into your mouth, grunting lowly, his fingers placing a strand of your hair behind your ear, then tracing patterns on your warm cheek. When you opened your eyes for a second, you could see that the tips of his ears were red. The blush spread through his cheeks too, making him look so adorable.

“It does feel like a dream.” He breathed between kisses. “And sounds too good to be true.” He captured your lips again and you smiled into his mouth. Your heart was about to burst.

“I love you.” You repeated, basking in the feeling of finally being able to say it out loud, be open with your emotions. He released your lips and kissed your forehead. You looked up, and he placed his forehead against yours, his eyes closed, a wide smile adorning his face.

“Don’t stop saying that. You make me so happy.” He said quietly, and you whispered the confession once again, making him sigh shakily.

“I was so stupid. I should’ve asked you right from the start if what Jeremiah said was true.” You said and hugged him more tightly. “I should’ve told you sooner.” You placed your head on his strong chest, your ear touching his bare body, listening to his fast heartbeat. Your hands were hugging his waist, mindful not to touch his bandaged back.

“No, I foolishly thought that telling you once would suffice. I forgot that you drank that night and that could’ve clouded your memory.” He squeezed you harder to himself and started back away with you in his arms, until the back of his legs touched his couch. He fell into it, holding you close, making you sit on his lap. “To think that I could have you sooner—” He looked into your eyes, as if searching for something.

“You had me before, and you have me now. My heart, my body, my soul.” You positioned yourself more comfortably, placing your legs on both sides of his waist, and took his face into your hands. He closed his eyes at the contact, and started to caress your body, from your waist, down to your legs. He squeezed the plush of your tights and let his head fall against the couch pillows.

He couldn’t believe that this was happening. He prayed that this wasn’t a dream, that all of the things you were telling him were true. His chest vibrated pleasurably, incredible warmth spreading through it. His heart beat so quickly, and so loudly that he thought it was the first time he felt its’ beat so intensely himself. Your words made him feel drunk with emotion.

He opened his eyes to look at your face.

He almost choked with how beautiful you were. How divine, sitting on him, caressing his shoulders, smiling at him with the stars in your eyes. He looked at your lips, full and swollen, bearing the signs of his kisses. He looked at your neck, delicate and unmarked, and he stroked it with the back of his hand, wanting to change that fact immediately, knowing that now he was allowed to do that. He switched his gaze to your eyes again and drank them in, basking in their light, wishing that this moment could never end. Or maybe it should, so it could become your new beginning.

You were his treasure. His star, his light, guiding him through life, making his existence worth pursuing. You showed him that the world can be beautiful, despite its overbearing cruelty. You were his salvation, his safe place, his one and only, showing him every single day that he mattered, that he was not a lost cause, or a villain in disguise. You taught him that he was capable of loving so intensely and now, that he was loved as passionately in return.

He doubted his worth, but the only way he knew to prove his love for you was by protecting you with his very life. You had no idea, but his sword, now a symbol of your bond, was yours to command—and you were the only reason he continued to wield it.

“What are you thinking about?” Your voice was not more than a whisper, your eyes still looking into his starry ones, losing yourself in the deep blue. You loved them, how magnificent and expressive they were, and you swore to yourself to tell him about it every day.

He seemed to get out of the trace he was in, and his eyes softened, still taking you in. He smiled and took your hands into his, and kissed your knuckles, his kisses gentle and long-lasting.

“You.” He replied shortly, his voice gentle and reassuring. He put your hands on his shoulders, making you hug his neck with them. You complied and put your whole arms around his neck, bringing your bodies closer. One of his hands touched your waist, caressing it delicately, and the other one stroked your hair, admiring its’ softness. His eyes never left yours. “Always you, my starlight. Then, now, and till the end of my days. I will always carry you in my mind, and in my heart, to be able to reach you, no matter the distance.” You could feel his breath on your face with how close you were to each other, and he gazed at your open lips, which were already waiting to be kissed senselessly. “I love you, as I never loved anyone else in my life, and I never will again.” His lips captured yours in a kiss so soft, yet so desperate, and full of adoration, that you felt a single, happy tear escape from your eye. He deepened the kiss and held you throughout the night, kissing you and touching you, never wanting the moment to end, the warmth of your skin to become a memory.

It all started with the simplest of touches, and it never truly ended. The spark you ignited that first night has never faded. Since the moment you met, it has burned brightly between you both, a light so powerful that it could be seen across the vastness of deep space. Everlasting and exquisite, just like the different lifetimes you both had ahead of you, always finding each other, as if guided by its warmth.

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thank you for your time and please let me know if you liked it!! i was thinking of writing more for this au, maybe from xavier’s perspective? how they met and how he fell in love + how their first night really played out ♡

if u liked it, u can buy me a coffee here!: https://ko-fi.com/kitimeq

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