#it felt like a 35 minute out of body experience

[cairhienin]

she LOVED being a witch!!!

[megalony]

The Proper Experience- Part 2

This is the second part to my new Eddie Diaz imagine that I am hoping to make into a little series. I hope you will all like it, please let me know what you think.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra8484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @shelbygeek @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @eleventhdoctorsangel @kniselle @senjoritanana

@shauna-carsley @dottierose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1 @rainechase45 @ml572 @jessie-lynn28 @lolalolsstuff @jupiter1700

@ashdoctor @an-aliens-ghost @lunaroserites @houseoftwistedspirits @itshamleth @callsignwidow @winterreader-nowwriter @reneinii

Eddie Diaz Masterlist

Part 1

Summary: After having a cryptic pregnancy before, (Y/n) is worried it will happen again. She wants to have control over her body and experience a pregnancy in the proper fashion.

Enjoy.

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A trickle of sweat rolled down the bridge of Eddie's nose and had his eyes crinkling. He dragged the back of his hand over his nose and around his eyes while he reached his foot behind him and kicked the front door shut.

Both arms leaned forward to slump over the pram and his lips curved into a toothy grin when he looked down at the toddler staring up at him.

He let his head hang forward, feeling his hair crimp into curls that dropped sweat down his forehead. And he could feel the sweat soaking down his back and gluing his vest to his skin.

"You're a good little motivator, Carino." He huffed while he arched his back out and shuffled from foot to foot in the hallway.

With the sun shining and a heatwave rolling in, Eddie thought it would be a good idea to bring Bella along on a jog with him. The nine month old seemed ecstatic when Eddie started to jog, he wondered if she found it funny to feel the pram jostling along the pavement and watching her dad huffing and running along with her.

He didn't dare slow down when Bella was grinning around her teething ring and so clearly in her element.

"Okay, come on." Dragging his fingers through his hair, Eddie took a few deep breaths to regulate his system before he reached into the pram and scooped Bella up. He let he snuggle into his chest, letting out a little squeal as her legs kicked into his chest.

He was hoping she would go for a nap soon, that jog- which turned into a run towards the end- should have tired her out.

He kissed the top of her head, wriggled out of his trainers and padded into the living room. A smile lit up his face when he noticed Chris sat in the living room with a book on his lap and a movie on the tv in the background, allowing him to multitask.

"What we watching?"

"Iron Man, you watching?" Chris leaned his head back against the cushion so he could grin up at Eddie who kissed his temple and ruffled his curls in the process.

"Sure, just let me grab a shower."

He headed over to the rocker beneath the bay window and gently laid Bella down, hoping she would quickly soothe to sleep for an hour or two. He knew the pair of them would be fine in here for five minutes while he got a shower and got changed. And if not, Chris would just come and find Eddie for whatever he needed.

It felt like he was ripping off a second skin when Eddie dragged his vest over his head and tossed it in the hamper in the hall.

He could feel the skin on his palms starting to grate and peel from rubbing against the pram handle combined with how much he started to sweat during the jog. He started to flex both hands while he headed into the bedroom and scoured through the chest of drawers for some clean clothes.

Just as his fingers curled around a shirt and some dark blue, loose shorts, a smile wormed onto Eddie's face when he felt a pair of arms curve around his waist. A familiar face pressed into his bare back between his shoulder blades and he could feel wet kisses pressing along each column in his spine.

"Hi baby," He murmured softly, tilting his head back as he leaned into (Y/n)'s touch. He could feel her chest pressing up into his back and her arms lovingly pinning into his torso which made him grin.

A shiver tore through his chest and his stomach sucked in when he felt something tapping against his torso. When he looked down, Eddie's brows furrowed and his lips curved into a confused smile. He hadn't realised (Y/n) had something in her hands until she tapped it against his chest.

"What's this?"

"A present. Open it." Each word (Y/n) spoke vibrated through Eddie's back and wove around his heart that started to pick up the pace again and send his blood fizzling like champagne.

He let go of the shirt and shorts, leaving them on top of the chest of drawers in favour of the small box tapping against the centre of his chest.

His nimble fingers took the box from (Y/n)'s hands which pressed flat into his chest while she glued higher to his back. Propping her chin on his shoulder so she could look over and see him open the present and witness his reaction.

It was a simple yet elegant rectangle box, coloured dark silver with little bumps along the box like the cardboard was made out of sandpaper. And on top of the lid there was a small golden bow matching what they usually stuck on top of their presents at Christmas.

Curiosity filled every one of Eddie's senses and he took a moment to twist his head to the right, looking at (Y/n) with anticipation in his eyes. He pressed his lips to her temple before pecking the tip of her nose and looking back down to the box. He could see he wasn't going to get any hints from his wife. He had no idea why he was being given a present, today wasn't any special day and Eddie hadn't done anything to warrant a gift. But he was grateful nonetheless.

He took his time removing the lid which he put down on top of his clothes beside them and his lips quirked up when he looked down and realised there was golden tissue paper in the box. Curtesy of Chris and his craft box, Eddie presumed, by how crinkled and torn the paper was.

His fingers scrunched through the paper, trying to find what was hidden inside. Tickets for something, maybe? An accessory of some kind? A handmade gift from Chris? A keychain?

All the possibilities swirling through Eddie's mind evaporated like steam when his eyes set on the thin blue and white stick in the box.

A pregnancy test. A positive one.

"You think it's right?" His head tilted to the side and their eyes locked.

Eddie could see the nerves pooling in (Y/n)'s eyes along with a little flicker of light that looked like a star twitching in the corner of her pupils. He wasn't sure why he was asking. Maybe it was because (Y/n) didn't seem to believe the tests when they were negative, and so he wasn't sure if she would believe a positive result either. Or maybe it was because this was a result they had never gotten before.

(Y/n) didn't take any tests with Bella, she believed the false signs she got from her body and Bella had been a complete shock. Having some awareness this time, if the test was true, would be the experience they wanted in the first place.

Wordlessly, (Y/n) nodded her head and tucked her chin into Eddie's neck causing him to shiver and grin wider at the same time.

He spun around in her arms in a flash and wormed his arms around her waist. His hands feathered up and down her sides until his fingers finally settled and splayed out on her waist, digging firmly into her waist.

When (Y/n) wrapped her arms around his neck with her chest pressing up into his bare chest, Eddie tucked his face into her neck. His lips attached to her skin, teeth grazing over the weak spot that sent her knees reeling. She could feel his hair tickling her shoulder and she was sure when they tried to pull apart, she would be stuck to Eddie's frame with how hot and sweaty he was. But she didn't care. She just wanted to stay wrapped up in his arms like this for as long as she could.

"I told you, this time it will be different."

Different. This time was going to be different.

(Y/n) could certainly believe that, but for completely different reasons than she was sure Eddie intended.

The odd off days and sickness bugs that had probably been misread and were actually morning sickness when she had Bella felt like nothing compared to what (Y/n) was feeling now.

Some foods may have tasted strange almost two years ago when she would have been pregnant. And she thought she'd had a few different stomach bugs over the months and days where she couldn't find the energy to move or find the will to eat much. They were most likely down to Bella, but they weren't like this, and it wasn't just because (Y/n) knew she was pregnant this time and was more self-aware.

This was any food looking unappealing to (Y/n). This was any scent of food sending her stomach churning and making her throat tighten with the urge to be sick. This was (Y/n) starting to become dehydrated because having something to drink weighed down on her stomach and felt too heavy which she soon threw up after a while.

This was so much worse.

Her fingers dragged through her hair, toussling the strands and pushing them away from her forehead that was slick with cold sweat. She could feel the heat crawling all over her skin but she could feel the cold air from the back door hitting her like a storm sending shivers down her spine.

Her attention was drawn back to Bella who let out a little squeal and batted her hand down on (Y/n)'s wrist as if demanding full attention.

With her lips pressed together tight enough to cause discomfort, (Y/n) moved the plastic spoon back towards Bella. The smell of banana had never bothered (Y/n) so much in her life. But now, with the squashed banana looking very unappealing in the plastic bowl and smelling as strong as Eddie's cologne, (Y/n) felt sick.

Her free hand pressed to her mouth, willing herself not to feel ill and to concentrate on the smell of her perfume that she could smell on her wrist.

It wasn't working.

Her nose crinkled and her throat tensed up when she watched Bella eat the squashed fruit.

She danced her eyes around the kitchen to try and find something else to focus on, something else to look at to distract herself. Her sights locked on Eddie when he suddenly walked into the kitchen, looking like a beacon to draw in all her attention.

He had a grin spread across his features, his teeth sinking down into his lower lip and his fingers dragged through his curls and ruffled them in a rugged motion that made (Y/n) want to grin.

"Hi amor," He leaned down to kiss the top of (Y/n)'s head and he brushed his finger against Bella's cheek while his free hand smoothed up and down (Y/n)'s back.

But when (Y/n) glanced back at her little girl and saw Bella spitting the food out with her tongue poking between her lips, (Y/n)'s stomach churned. Her shoulder hitched up and she couldn't help but gag. Her hand thrust up to the left, bashing the plastic bowl into Eddie's chest until he took the hint and took the bowl from her.

"Baby-" Eddie took a step backwards, watching with panic flooding his wide chocolate eyes when (Y/n) bolted from the table. He watched her slump against the sink and his lips crinkled in distaste when he heard her throw up.

With pursed lips, Eddie set the bowl down on the table and kissed Bella's temple. She would be fine for a few moments kicking and wriggling in the highchair so Eddie could go and check on (Y/n).

His hands reached out for (Y/n)'s hips when he stood behind her. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to the back of her neck when she finally stopped. Her arms folded over the sink and she dropped her chin onto her arm, staying hunched over the sink just to be safe. But she could feel Eddie sighing into her skin when he looked over her shoulder.

She had thrown up the apple she tried to eat for lunch. That meant she hadn't managed to keep anything down today.

"Feel better?"

Eddie curled his left arm around (Y/n)'s waist when she finally stood up and he gently tugged her back with him until he was leaning against the kitchen island. With (Y/n) stood between his legs and her head tilted back on his shoulder.

"No," Throwing up made her feel worse, but she couldn't help it and she couldn't stop herself from being sick.

The look of food made her gag, the smells made her stomach churn and if she forced herself to eat it only came back up an hour later.

"Oh baby," He smothered her burning temple with his lips and started gliding his hand up and down her stomach.

"I can't… I can't feed her, the look of the food, it's worse than the smell." The mushed baby food and scrambled fruit looked exactly like what (Y/n) threw up. Feeding Bella wasn't working so well at the moment, all she could do was give her a bottle because at least milk didn't look unappealing or have a horrid smell.

"I'll feed her, it's alright. I'm more worried about you not keeping anything down, can you try and have a drink for me?"

She nodded. Her throat was dry and burning from the acid she had thrown up and a drink might ward off the migraine thundering behind her eyes. (Y/n) would try anything to make her headache go away and to perk herself back up.

She closed her eyes and let Eddie nudge her forwards to the other counter so he could flick the kettle on. But she shook her head.

"No coffee, the smell," Her hand waved in front of her nose to make her point. The smell of coffee made her feel sick.

Eddie got the hint. His lips smothered her temple as he turned the kettle off, if she couldn't handle the smell then Eddie wouldn't have a coffee either. He didn't want to make her any worse and he knew if she kissed him and tasted coffee on his lips it might make her sick again. He didn't want that happening.

"What about milk? Think you could keep that down?"

Milk would be good for her if she could manage that. It classed as a solid and it would at least settle her stomach and stop[ her from feeling hungry, if she did even feel hungry. He knew (Y/n) wasn't keen on drinking plain water and juice wouldn't be good because it was acidic which wouldn't go well if she threw it back up.

When she nodded, Eddie smiled softly against her temple and unravelled his arms from her frame so he could go to the fridge. He poured her a glass and poured himself a drink of juice.

(Y/n) stayed leaning against the counter while Eddie took her place at the table. She loved the way his lips melted into such a cheesy grin when he looked at their little girl. The look made his eyes crease at the corners and his nose crinkled as he leaned close and nudged his nose against hers, causing her to squeal.

He murmured a soft "Hi Carino," and picked up the bowl from the table so he could continue feeding her.

Every few seconds, his eyes darted to the right to look across at (Y/n). She had her hips pressed into the counter and one hand gripping the counter edge to steady herself. But she was drinking. She was taking small sips and Eddie could see by the way her expression slacked and how she stopped fidgeting that she wasn't forcing the drink down.

He had seen her the other day force herself to drink some water and her lips would scrunch up and her throat would tighten. And she would fidget and squirm and itch like she was drinking poison.

Seeing her actually enjoy and relax with a drink was comforting because right now he knew she was hardly keeping anything down whether it was food or water or both.

"That's my girl," He kissed Bella's temple when she ate the last of the banana and he placed her beaker of juice on the tray in front of her so she could help herself.

He downed his drink in one go and put the pots in the sink before he glanced across at (Y/n). She looked like she was in a world of her own. Her glass was half empty on the counter behind her and she was looking ahead towards the empty living room.

He kissed her cheek as he passed her, causing a smile to flit across (Y/n)'s face before he moved to the sink to wash up. He hummed along to the radio that was interrupted every few seconds by Bella making a ruckus, bashing her beaker down on the tray or gurgling happily.

But Eddie jerked to the right, water splashing up to his elbows and splattering near his face when (Y/n)'s hand clamped down on his shoulder and she pushed him to the side.

Eddie pursed his lips and swallowed down a sigh when (Y/n) threw up. He reeled his hands up out of the sink and shook them at his sides to rid the water from his skin. He felt (Y/n)'s hip bash into his and she shuddered as she coughed and spluttered so much that tears started to stream down her face.

"Fuck." Eddie swiped a towel to dry his hands hastily before he reached out and pulled (Y/n)'s hair back behind her head. "Okay, let's sit you down."

"No, I- I'm gonna-" (Y/n) broke off into a coughing fit, barely able to take a deep breath when all she could do was gag and wretch. "No, no I think you've thrown everything up now, mi amor. You need to sit down, you're burning up."

Eddie swooped his arms around (Y/n)'s waist, gently coiling her back into his chest so he could move her away from the sink. She was reduced to shaking and sweating but he knew she had nothing else left to throw up. She might feel the need to be sick, but she couldn't.

He slowly walked her over to the table, wincing and sinking his teeth into his tongue sharply when (Y/n) all but fell down onto the chair.

With his hands on her thighs, he knelt down in between her legs and started to run his fingers up and down her skin to give her something to focus on but he could see it wasn't working very well. (Y/n) had one hand smothered against her mouth to try and stop herself from gagging and her other hand flopped onto Eddie's shoulder, causing him to shake along with her.

"Amor, deep breaths-"

"Sick-"

"I promise you that you're not gonna be sick, okay? Deep breaths, and it will go off soon. I can't give you any meds yet in case you throw them up again." He pecked her thigh and stared up at her with those deep puppy dog eyes that always made her melt.

She wasn't going to be sick. All she did was cough into her hand, there was nothing left to throw up and panicking was only going to make her feel worse. Eddie needed her to calm down and regulate her system again because he couldn't give her any medicine if she was going to throw it back up immediately like this.

Her head dropped forward and her hand let go of his shoulder to circle her finger around her head and the motion caused Eddie to frown.

"You feel dizzy?" When she nodded, he pushed up on his heels and looped his arms around her waist, gently easing her off the chair and into his chest instead. He tugged her down from the chair so she was sat on the floor between his thighs and he let her head flop onto his shoulder.

He could see she wasn't even opening her eyes anymore. (Y/n) felt too dizzy to try and open her eyes when the room was spinning and her sense of balance was distorted.

She loosely draped her arms around Eddie's neck and let her weight fall onto his chest while his hand slowly and rhythmically traced up and down her spine.

"What am I gonna do with you, hm?"

***

With her eyes closed, (Y/n) arched her back out and leaned down until her arms were slanted on the counter. Her temple pressed down into her forearms and she tried to take deep breaths, warding off the headache, the storm and the exhaustion which were all trying to overwhelm her today.

She heard the kettle click as it boiled up and the steam licked and nipped at her skin, but she couldn't find the will to finish making herself a drink.

She wanted to go home.

She wanted to feel better.

There was a storm raging behind her eyes and it was making her body feel sluggish and broken and drained.

This day needed to pass by quickly. She needed the end of her shift to roll around so she could go home and try to get some rest. She couldn't wait for time to speed by so she could pick Bella up from daycare and flop out in bed and try to take a nap with her.

Not eating and barely intaking any fluids was finally starting to take a toll on her. (Y/n) knew carrying on like this was going to drain her reserves and dwindle away her energy. If she didn't eat or drink, she wouldn't be able to function, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't help how badly morning sickness was affecting her.

It was turning her brains to mush, she wasn't sure why she had even put the kettle on in the first place. Coffee didn't taste the same and the smell wasn't appealing in the least, and she didn't think tea would settle well. The best drinks at the moment were diluted juice or cold water, or milk if she could bear to keep it down.

A hand on her lower back sent a shiver jolting down her spine and she gasped, lifting her head up off her arms to look to her right. It was only Maddie. (Y/n) managed to force a smile onto her lips but she knew her big sister could see right through it, the way she jutted her hip to the side and rolled her lips together told (Y/n) as much.

"Are you alright?"

"Hm, just tired." She forced all her energy into her hands and pushed up from the counter, straightening herself back out while she clicked her spine into place.

It felt like she was drowning, she couldn't hold her head up and her brain was fogging over and turning to mush. After a few deep breaths, (Y/n) felt herself relaxing a little more and she tried to wake herself up.

Her hand trembled as she trailed over to the fridge and took one of the bottles of water.

She glanced across at her sister who fiddled around getting herself a cup from the cupboard and making herself a strong cup of regular coffee. Maddie was an avid coffee-lover and she had her own section in the cupboard here at work full of various coffee flavours. Her favourite was caramel, but she was partial to gingerbread coffee, something (Y/n) hated the smell of and now she had morning sickness, that particular flavour was enough to get her throwing up.

"You don't look too well to me." Maddie raised her brow while her hands cradled her cup of coffee that had (Y/n)'s nose crinkling in distaste.

"Hm, two more hours." She glanced her eyes up at the clock before she forced herself to walk towards the door, knowing her big sister was following behind her. There was no use arguing because she knew she didn't look well and she knew Maddie would never believe her if she tried to say otherwise.

But her shift would be over soon and she could go home and relax. Eddie was working until late on tonight and Buck was going to pick Chris up from school and take him out for tea, as they always did on a weekly basis. It meant (Y/n) could relax this afternoon.

All she had to do was force herself to manage feeding Bella without throwing up and try to get something down herself before they both slept the night away.

"Are you coming down with something?" Reaching around, Maddie held onto (Y/n)'s elbow, forcing her younger sister to turn and look up at her. She scrutinised (Y/n) from top to bottom and tried to feel her forehead until she leaned back.

"I think so, but I'm okay. Don't fuss, okay?" She managed to calmest smile she could and headed over to her desk.

The way she flopped down in her chair was less than graceful and (Y/n) knew it, but she couldn't force herself to care.

The cold water felt nice trickling down her throat and for once, it didn't make her stomach churn or bubble or feel like she was swallowing acid. She forced herself to take little sips, no matter how thirsty she suddenly felt and she ignored the desire to down the bottle in one. That wouldn't do her any favours. Although early in the morning when she threw up and Eddie handed her a glass of water, she downed it all- against his advice- and managed to keep it down.

She hooked her earpiece in, got the microphone settled near her cheek and tucked herself further into the desk.

She agreed with Eddie that it was a good job her work was mainly situated here at a desk. (Y/n) wouldn't have coped being on her feet all day rushing around if she were in the same job as Eddie and her brother. Not when she wasn't eating or drinking. Sitting here and concentrating on phone calls and typing all day was better suited when she wasn't well and was this run down.

The only problem was when the computer screen started to ignite her headaches, but that was a small cross to bear these days.

"911, what's your emergency?"

The words rolled off (Y/n)'s tongue and she didn't have to think or look down at her keyboard to start typing. Her body was going on autopilot while the rest of her seemed to zone out and her mind started to spin.

Three calls down the line, (Y/n) started to feel worse for wear. She finished the rest of her water and tossed the bottle in the bin beneath her desk but now she felt unwell. She knew if she moved around too much, she would hear the water sloshing around in her stomach and she would be liable to throw it all up again.

She rested her head on her left hand and closed her eyes for a few moments, pressing the two keys that would divert the call to another responder in the room. She couldn't focus or concentrate right now. She might have to slip off for another five minutes in the break room to gather her senses.

Her right hand began to tap against the counter and she sighed through gritted teeth when she realised she was shaking. She could feel the room starting to spin around her, tilting from left to right as if she were sailing on a ship in the middle of the ocean.

Her throat felt like it was on fire but she couldn't decide whether it was from wanting another drink or feeling the habitual urge to be sick. Her head was spinning. Her mouth and lips were chapped and dry again as if she hadn't just finished a bottle of water.

She tried to glance her eyes up to the main screen in front of her when she noticed the left square light up again. There was another caller on the line. But she couldn't answer. (Y/n) couldn't answer when she could barely concentrate on breathing; she wasn't going to be much use to someone wanting help when she couldn't fathom how to string a sentence together.

Her weight pushed onto her arms and she pushed her chair away from her desk. She was going to have to go to the break room or sit in the kitchen for a little while.

"Are you okay?" Lauren, who was sat at the desk next to her, reached out to place a hand on (Y/n)'s arm. And (Y/n) realised she must have stayed doubled over with her head down and hands on the desk for a little too long and caught some attention.

But she couldn't lift her head, and she couldn't fathom how to respond or voice a word.

"(Y/n), honey what's wrong?" The sound of her sister's voice caused (Y/n) to finally open her eyes. She turned her head to the right and looked down at Maddie who was crouched in front of her with one hand on the desk and one hand on (Y/n)'s knee. Lauren had called her over, clearly.

"I- I just…" She couldn't find the words. Her head was too fuzzy to speak, her body was too tired to move. It felt like she was a computer which was malfunctioning.

"Okay, let's go get a drink in the break room." Maddie moved her hand to (Y/n)'s back and held her other hand out to help her up from her chair. She needed to try and calm down and have a drink to see if some sugar and fluids would perk her up. If not, Maddie had a feeling she would be calling someone to come and take her sister home.

As soon as (Y/n) was on her feet, her stomach churned, all the blood drained down to her toes and static began to bubble and fizz in her ears.

Her head tilted down and her body followed her head, crashing forward as her feet fumbled and bent awkwardly, unable to keep her stood up. Her weight fell into Maddie who gasped and tried to wrap her arms around her little sister, but the pair of them went down on their knees.

Maddie leaned back on her heels and braced herself when (Y/n)'s head flopped onto her shoulder. She resembled a puppet whose strings had been cut.

"Oh God- Josh!" Panic flooded Maddie's voice but she tried to remain calm as she looked around the room for their shift lead.

She waved her hand over at Josh who was stood to one side, Ipad in hand and ear piece and microphone clipped around his ear. He turned in her direction, eyes going wide when he looked at the pair of them and scurried over.

Maddie gently brushed a few tendrils of hair back behind (Y/n)'s ear so she could check her pulse.

"(Y/n)… sweetie, are you with me?" She gently pulled (Y/n)'s eyelid back but she grimaced at seeing her eyes rolling around, unable to keep focus or find something to lock onto.

But her hands were moving on her lap, her fingers twitched and her arms shifted just a little. She was still conscious, somewhat. Maddie would guess that she had blacked out rather than fainted, and that was more ideal as they might be able to get through to her and bring her back round quicker.

"(Y/n), can you hear me?" Josh rested the back of his hand against (Y/n)'s temple as he crouched down in front of them before he looked at Maddie. "Has she been ill? She's burning up."

"Not that I can think of."

Maddie almost jumped when she suddenly felt (Y/n)'s hand curling around her knee and giving a soft, weak squeeze. Her head tilted forward until her chin flopped down against her chest and she groaned quietly, trying to twitch and gain some control back. It felt like her body had briefly shut down and she was rebooting herself.

"Can we move you into the break room?" Josh narrowed his eyes, guessing that the small movement of her head was approval. "Let her come back round and if you need a medic or an ambulance I'll make the call." He didn't want to jump the gun and send an ambulance down here if (Y/n) was just feeling under the weather and had blacked out.

But if she didn't become conscious again or if she passed out or got any worse Josh would find one of their trained medics in the building and he would call for an ambulance.

"Let's get you up," Maddie's voice was soothing and it made (Y/n) feel like she was a little kid again being looked after her big sister when her parents didn't want to bother with her.

She let Maddie loop an arm around the back of her neck while Josh held her other arm and they slowly eased her up between them. She felt a bit more alert when she was on her feet and she managed to open her eyes a bit and make out shapes and colours that were starting to form a picture rather than a watercolour picture.

Her feet shuffled awkwardly beneath her and her knees trembled back and forth as she tried to walk ahead. The sofa in the break room had never felt so inviting and (Y/n)'s mind almost switched off again once she was sat down. But she didn't let herself lean back into the sofa, she didn't want the risk of passing out, she had to stay awake and become alert again.

Her elbows propped up on her knees and her head fell into her hands as she started to count each breath like Eddie had taught her to do.

She heard Josh murmur "I'll be back in five minutes," which meant he would come back and see if they needed to call for help or not. (Y/n) didn't want to do that. She didn't want to go to hospital, she didn't have the time to do that when it would mess everything up.

She didn't want the fuss, not when she had to get Bella from daycare and she had to be home later for Buck to drop Chris off after they had been out this afternoon. Plus, what would she tell Eddie? The hospital might call him if they took her in and then he would be panicking on shift, unsure whether to leave work and come to her or not. (Y/n) couldn't become a burden like that.

Her nails started to scratch into her hairline and she could feel the strands becoming knotted around her fingers. But when she managed to lift her head a little, she realised Maddie was crouching down beside her with one hand on her thigh.

"You're clearly not well, is something going on? Do I need to take you to see a doctor?"

(Y/n) let her eyes close and she nudged her face into her hand, hiding away as she found her voice.

"No doctor, it- it's just morning sickness, I've got it bad."

"Morning… you're pregnant?"

She was sure she heard a spark of hope in her sister's voice and it made her sway her head to look over at Maddie. Sure enough, there was a tender, enticing smile curving at her lips and tears were already welling up in her eyes. She pushed up from her knees so she could sit down on the sofa next to her and she looped an arm around the back of (Y/n)'s shoulders to reel her little sister into her side.

"A bit more notice this time, huh?" (Y/n) joked dryly, but her half smile faded down into a grimace when her throat started to close up and she could feel her stomach pulling in.

At least when she'd had Bella- admittedly she hadn't had any idea about it- she'd had very little in the way of sickness. A few days here and there of feeling under the weather or throwing up, but nothing on this scale. (Y/n) had said she wanted to go through the experience of a pregnancy this time, but extreme morning sickness isn't what she meant.

"Oh (Y/n) I'm so-" Whatever Maddie was about to say fizzled into silence when she watched (Y/n) twist to the left and chuck up a mouthful of water.

She could see the pain written across her sister's face and the way she coughed and clawed for breath showed she wasn't doing very well. But when Maddie leaned around her and looked down, her shoulders sagged and her lips curled to one side.

The only thing (Y/n) threw up was the water she'd drank earlier and a lot of stomach acid.

She hadn't eaten anything.

The way she was gagging showed she felt like she needed to continue, but there was nothing but acid left to throw up. How long had she been like this? When was the last time she actually managed to eat something?

(Y/n)'s arms felt so heavy, like they were made of stone. Lifting them caused her muscles to strain and had her body reduced to shaking. She let her arms flop on her lap but when she twisted to look at her sister, her dreary eyes widened.

"N-no ambulance, please."

"I'm not calling an ambulance, I'm calling Buck."

"Why?"

"Because you need to be taken care of, and if Eddie's at work, Buck can stay with you and help with the kids. And he might be able to take you home, you can't drive in this state."

Maddie knew both her siblings weren't keen on going in an ambulance and they never liked to make a fuss when they were hurt or sick. But she could see (Y/n) wasn't in the best shape right now. And if she was going to insist she didn't go to a doctor, she at least needed someone to stay with her.

She knew it was Buck's day off today and he might be able to come and pick (Y/n) up and give her a lift home. He would gladly stay with her and keep an eye on her and help out with Chris and Bella until Eddie came home. (Y/n) couldn't be left on her own in this state, that was for sure.

(Y/n) found herself nodding. She knew she would have to go home now, her shift would need to be cut short and she was okay with that, she was desperate to head home. But she was going to argue once Buck arrived- if he could come here that was.

She wasn't having his and Chris's afternoon ruined because she felt under the weather. (Y/n) would gratefully accept a lift home from Buck, but she would make sure he still took Chris out and they had a good time. She would be fine once she was home.

"Are you excited?" Maddie reached across to lay her hand on (Y/n)'s thigh once Buck messaged and said he was already in the jeep on his way to dispatch.

She watched (Y/n) manage a small smile while she leaned to the left and laid her head on the armrest on the sofa.

"I wanna do it properly this time, w-we have a scan next week."

There was still a part of (Y/n) that was frightened. A part of her mind telling her that once they got to the scan next week, they would be told she was five or six months down the line. It was silly, of course it was, she had been taking hundreds of tests since having Bella and she should be around twelve weeks by now.

But after believing she'd been having periods when she had Bella and her body hadn't changed and she'd felt no kicks or movements, anything might be possible. It was still ingrained in (Y/n)'s brain that she was going to miss out on another pregnancy.

She wouldn't get to see Eddie's face light up at the scan or see her body change and see how Eddie reacted to her stomach changing shape. She wouldn't notice or realise and feel the kicks, she wouldn't get to tell people or get prepared.

Her brain was constantly telling her that she was going to be cheated out of the experience like this was a normality for her, or some form of punishment for something.

"Hey, what happened with Bella was rare, this time it will work out properly for you, I promise. And I bet Eddie's thrilled."

(Y/n) looped both arms around her waist as she did her best to chip in on a conversation with her sister, but she couldn't get her brain to work properly. Her throat was dry, hoarse and felt like the desert, her stomach was twisting and cramping and even though the shaking had died down, she was still sweating and overheating. She needed to go to bed.

She could feel Maddie's hand gliding up and down her back but she managed to open her eyes when the door opened and Buck walked in.

A nervous smile lit up his face and he sighed, rubbing his palms across his jeans before he crouched down in front of his sisters.

"I heard you needed looking after?"

(Y/n)'s lips quirked up to one side and she groaned, moving her hands down to the sofa to push herself up. She rolled her eyes when Buck reached out and pressed the back of his hand against her forehead while he pursed his lips. She wasn't burning up anymore, but she was sweating and she did not look well.

"I just need a ride home, please."

"No, you cannot leave her like this-"

"Okay, you aren't at liberty to make decisions right now and you know I'm not gonna leave her like this. Now can one of you tell me what's happened? Do I need to be worried?"

Buck ran a hand down over his jaw as he looked between them both. He wouldn't leave (Y/n) home alone with Bella if she was this unwell, he would never do that because he would only go home and panic about his sister. And Maddie should know him well enough to know he wasn't going to do that.

But he did need to know what had happened so he knew whether he had to contemplate adding a hospital trip into their schedule this afternoon. And he had to know how bad or serious this was in case he had to call Eddie.

None of them wanted to face the wrath of Eddie if they had to ring him at work and tell him (Y/n) wasn't well or that she had collapsed.

"No, you don't need to be worried, unless you don't want another niece or nephew." (Y/n) waited a few moments for the penny to drop and she moved her hand to cradle her queasy stomach when Buck rose a brow.

A giant grin spread across his lips, flashing his teeth as he danced his hand along his jaw and around the back of his neck.

"Are you kidding, this is great."

He leaned up on his heels to loop an arm around (Y/n), carefully reeling her into a careful hug. He didn't want to hold on too tightly and make her queasy or dizzy. He kissed the side of her head while he noticed a smile light up Maddie's face.

"Least we can be more prepared this time. Now, why don't we get you home?"

[woodsfae]

If you haven't had a hysterectomy, it's hard to even conceptualize how intense the recovery is. My doc says, in impact on the body, it's second only to open heart surgeries and limb amputations! (particularly when the cervix is removed, which mine was)

The weekend before my surgery, I mountain biked 35 miles. I was tired, sure. But fine. As my pain rose over the years, my physical activity didn't really drop. Instead, I just became more and more body-blind as I ignored higher and higher levels of pain to push through.

That isn't an option with recovering from a hysto. After my hysterectomy, my physical restrictions were: no bending/twisting/reaching at all. No lifting more than 10 pounds (I soon revised that down, because lifting even a gallon of milk hurt). I was instructed to spend most of my time in bed. To go for a few walks a day, but to get back into bed after my walks. Whenever I felt pain I was supposed to go lie down again, which meant that I didn't sit up for more than 45 minutes until I was nearly a month post-op. And total pelvic rest. I was supposed to disengage my core and back muscles as much as possible to let all the delicate things that got chopped n sewed together time to heal back up. None of my restrictions were lifted till I was 7 wks post op.

My partner took 100% care of me during this time. He lifted my legs in and out of bed. Laid me down and sat me up whenever I needed to adjust. In the first couple of days, he helped me onto and off the toilet, till I figured out how to get up without using my abs. He lowered me onto the couch and pulled me off. Took care of all the grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning. He kept track of my meds, got up every few hours all night to get me my pain meds until I could sleep through the night without needing a dose. He did this all with such tenderness! Hugs, kisses, and he held me gently whenever I could be comfortably arranged to be held. He brought me coffee in bed every morning and helped me sit up, and fixed my pillows just so. I cannot express how meaningful this was to me. no one has ever taken care of me like this. Not even my own parents.

I have hyper-independence as a trauma response to my neglectful childhood, and in preparation for my surgery, I almost meditated on accepting help and not trying to do things myself. My doctor was very clear that my best outcomes for surgery were to not do anything but rest and go for walks! Partner was an enthusiastic support in that. He would gently chide me if I got myself out of bed or got myself dressed. He never made me feel like taking care of me was an imposition. He told me to have friends over as much as I wanted, but not to arrange a care rotation: he would take care of me.

The experience of being cared for so gently, so lovingly, so intentionally has rewired my brain. It has changed me, and I can't even quantify the hows and whys of it all yet.

There have been many unforeseen impacts of my hysto, but one of the most profound is that I know I am loved, I am loved, I am loved.

[sissycensorslut]

C.w beating, choking, talk of near death stuff. A little more extreme this time but nothing out of the ordinary for me >~<

Sorry been gone a while, me and mommy have been having a lot of fun but I didn't really have much to post about until the other day. So have a Christmas post! Or slightly later than Christmas post hehe. I might make another one later today who knows

Anyway a few days ago mommy decided to try a fun game, she had me locked up for 4 months and I haven't touched my clit a single time, mommy only touches it to wash me and then she locks me back up. So she decided to unlock me and keep watch on me for 24 hours, if I was ever hard she said she would beat me and if I didn't get soft again the punishments would get worse and worse.

So I take hrt and I've been locked so it's a little tough for me to get hard anyway so I thought it would be easy... The second she unlocked me she pulled down her shirt and showed me her bra and I got hard instantly. She slammed her fist into my balls while pulling her shirt up, which only made me harder. Then she gut punched me and slammed my balls again at the same time until I got soft,it was tough but I got soft again eventually.

I had to walk around with crotchless panties only all day so mommy could see my clit, one time she blew a kiss at me while I was serving her tea and I quickly got a hard kick in the balls for disobeying. This happened 3 or 4 more time until she decided that there would be one more challenge for today.

She decided that shed pump my cock for 30 minutes and anytime she felt an edge she would: choke me for an extra minute, give my balls 50 slaps, and extend the time by a minute. It didn't end well for me...

At first it took a while... At least by my standards, it was about 30 seconds until my first edge. She wrapped her arm around my throat and would pump with her thumb and index finger while slapping with the other 3.

Edge, edge, edge. All within like 40 seconds, so a minute and a half more choking 3 more minutes on the timer and 150 slaps not even 1 minute 10 seconds into my now 33 minute torture session. Then it was 35, then it was 40, then it was over an hour in under 10 minutes. And mommy wasn't letting my neck go either, she'd readjust her grip and I'd be able to get one quick breath, which she would reward by punching my balls.

I was in heaven, so much pain, my lungs burning, so close to cumming but not being able to. I passed out, or at least I thought I did, a few times(lost count) before the thirty minute mark, drooling all over mommy's arm with a dumb face. She must have felt like I couldn't take much more so she gave me a choice, die or experience all that built ul torture in the next 10 minutes and only maybe die. I couldn't resist even harsher pain so I wanted the speed round.

First she wrapped her arm even tighter, I couldn't breath at all, not even a little! Then she started pumping and slapping, slapping so hard and leaving me just on the edge. For 10 minutes I could hardly breath and my whole lower body was in agony but I couldn't help but want to continue. It felt so good. Right on the 10 minute mark she brought me as close as I've been to an orgasm in months then stopped, punched my stomach hard, forced my neck around so much it hurt then spat on my face. She locked me up, asked if I was okay and when I said yeah she threw me off the bed and told me to get up and go to my cage. So I was choked half to death, my lower body felt like I'd been punched by a pro boxer and I didn't even get to cum... What a wonderful night!

[valyalyon]

August 2, 2025

This short post is about D's labor with her and Raphael's son, lot of CW's ahead. This is does have a happy ending, though, so I hope everyone enjoys!

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DIE MASTER LIST OR #LYONDIE DIVIDERS

I had entered the hospital early that morning with Raphael at my side...

CW: difficult labor resulting in rapid blood loss, mentions of vomiting, hospital setting, blood collection and transfusion mentions, near-death experience. 500 words.

...My water had broken a few hours before we had arrived, but I had delayed going to the hospital just a bit.

Even arriving after a delay, our son was still not ready to come out, and I went through a pretty agonizing labor. About mid-day, Raphael was calling my mother to come to the hospital.

By that point, I had started to bleed, but not a lot. I was holding up really well, and kept a pretty jovial personality the whole way through, sometimes cracking jokes in the heat of a contraction to help Raphael calm down.

He was definitely panicking, and I know it was warranted…

When my mom arrived, she was brought into another room immediately for her blood to be collected. Only about 35 minutes had passed since she was called, and I had started losing a lot more blood.

I was still seemingly in good spirits, but I was quieter, and my eyes and face were getting dull. Raphael was in panic mode, he had never seen me so weak and was worried he’d be losing me.

I remember trying to crack jokes, but soon I was vomiting.

Within seconds, there were IV’s, blood transplants from my mother, and the voice of a scared Raphael, “hurry! Fuck, hurry!”

There was a moment where I felt myself losing consciousness, I could feel everything around me, but I was standing or floating? Apart from myself, and then I started to lose everything.

I was in quite a lot of pain, and our son was not budging. My cervix was expanding, but my son just wasn’t coming out, I needed to push.

The issue was that I was so weak after all the blood I lost. My brain essentially was convinced that I was dying, and I started to die.

Even after the transplants, my body was like, too heavy to move. Like I had already gone into the mode of a corpse. Emotionally, I died, and my body felt so weak.

My mom’s blood literally saved my life.

For a couple hours, I barely moved, and then I finally gathered the strength.

I sat up and started pushing, giving birth to Leon at 8:15pm.

Leon had tufts of dark hair and he was a fat baby. He laid on my chest with his eyes closed, and a little scowl on his face that reminded me a lot of his father.

Raphael’s eyes were bright for once. He looked at Leon and I with an expression that showed care and concern. Finally, he spoke, “he’s so beautiful… you’re so beautiful. Thank you, Dolores.”

“That labor was scary,” I finally admitted to him.

He nodded his head, a sigh escaping his lips, “yeah that was terrifying.”

“Do you want to hold him?” I asked, looking up at Raphael.

“Please,” he pulled up a chair and I handed Leon over to him slowly.

Raphael took him into his arms, cradling him, and then sitting down, “he’s so pudgy but small…”

“He has your hair,” I laughed and pointed.

“I’m so lucky to have you and him here right now, Dolores. Thank you…”

[silverwings22]

Song of the Sea: Chapter 35: Golden Light

Chapter Warnings: explicit smut, discussion of medical torture, discussion of unethical medical practices Series Warning: explicit smut, alien anatomy (it's a monsterfucker fic, guys), major character injury, grief, canon typical violence, autistic meltdowns, and my terrible attempts at Mando'a

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Tech was asleep, arm over her stomach, when Shiani woke up. Normally, he woke up before her and fell asleep after unless she bullied him into bed with those big eyes of hers… but not this morning. Today, the warmth of the island was cozy around them. There was nothing to fix on the ship, there were no pressing dangers, and their day off from rebuilding Lower Pabu meant that she and Tech got to sleep in. 

She didn’t move, not wanting to disturb him as she listened to him breathe for a while, until she heard Omega wake up across the ship. “Hunter, can I go down to the beach?” The little girl called, and Tech stirred behind Shiani. 

“Ask me after my caf.” The sergeant yawned. “Gimme like… fifteen minutes.” 

“Mn… what is the likelihood he saved me a cup of caf?” Tech mumbled against the back of her neck. 

“You won’t know until you get up.” She laughed softly. “Should I wait to ask what you want to do today?”

He squinted, half sitting up and reaching for his goggles. “I believe I need to get another venom sample, and then we can decide.”

Shiani laughed again. “Alright. C’mon, I’ll fix your caf while you wash your face.” 

He smiled sleepily at her, his hair a mess. He had reason for it to be, the ghost of last night’s desire lingering in the form of hickies down the side of his neck and collarbones. “Thank you, cyar’ika.” 

She wiggled out from the bunk and slid down gracefully, landing on the balls of her feet. She was wearing his shirt, which she had started doing at every opportunity since they’d moved onto Pabu. “Hunter! You leave caf for us?”

“If there’s none left, blame Wrecker.” Hunter chuckled, fixing his bandana onto his head after brushing his hair. “I think there’s enough for a cup or two.”

“Good.” She happily made a cup the way she knew Tech liked it, then her own with too much sweet cream and dumped over ice with a funny shaped straw Omega had found for her. “Caf!”

“With the amount of sugar in yours, it’s not even caf anymore.” Wrecker snickered.

“You like sugar too.” She sniffled, but grinned. She loved starting her morning with the banter. It felt like belonging. 

Tech walked out of the fresher fully dressed and his hair fixed, and she handed him his cup. “Thank you. Here, before you drink anything. Mouth open, please.” 

She set her cup down and opened her mouth as wide as it would go, Tech slipping a glass covered with a thin duraplastoid film between her teeth. She sank her fangs into it, and Wrecker made a face when a drizzle of greenish-yellow venom started filling the glass. “You’re still doing that?”

“Yes. Now that I am not engaged in constant repairs, I have time for interesting things.” Tech nodded, waiting until the droplets stopped flowing from his wife’s hollow fangs. “That is sufficient, Shiani.”

She unclenched her jaw and flexed it back into place before bringing her yellow loop-de-loop straw to her mouth. “He’s trying to make himself immune.” She giggled. 

“I believe I am near a breakthrough.” Tech leaned over and kissed her cheek. “It is a neurotoxin, similar to tetrodotoxin found in certain fish species. It affects the nervous system, stalling transmission of signals throughout the body. That is why anyone bitten becomes unconscious and has severe itching; their nerves are misfiring. In something small like your natural prey,, it would be entirely lethal.” He launched into his early morning info-dump as she drank her caf, sipping his between sentences. Omega was grinning around her breakfast of fruit, while Wrecker and Hunter had clearly quit listening and were just nodding out of habit. 

Shiani smiled and winked at Omega. “Well, I’m going to take a walk after he puts that in the spinny thing”

“Centrifuge, cyar’ika.” Tech corrected, watching her out of the corner of his eye. Small bubbles were starting to circulate inside her straw as she reached the end of her caf. 

“Centri-spinny. I know to fix it if it stops working, but dunno how to use it.” She giggled to Omega. “I wanna go look at the market and go swimming today.”

“I thought we agreed we would start letting Omega fly the ship some time this week.” Tech glanced back at his sister, wondering if her eagerness to pilot would overcome Shiani’s desire to explore. He didn’t mind whichever one of them won out, enjoying getting to teach Omega just as much as he wanted to explore the island now that he had a day off to do so.

Hunter chuckled as Omega looked thoughtful. “How about Tech takes you flying tomorrow. Wrecker was going to go fishing anyway, didn’t you want to go to the beach?”

Omega nodded. “What are you going to do today?”

“Organize supplies so we can have more space, since we’re settling in. I don’t recommend sharing a room with married people.” Hunter made a face at Shiani and Tech. The genius clone looked slightly red in the face. Shiani looked incredibly smug and unashamed. 

Hunterand Wrecker hadn’t come home til last last night. If she and Tech had locked them out of the bunkroom for a little while… it was for their own good. 

Wrecker ruffled Omega’s hair. “Go get your beach stuff. We’ll make a sand castle.” 

Omega nodded and darted off, while Shiani went to get dressed for the day. She unburied her bathingsuit and put it on under her overalls, then slipped on a pair of flats instead of her boots. 

Tech was waiting on her and she took him by the hand to steer him out of the ship. “Bye Hunter!”

“Bye, Shiani. See you this afternoon.” He waved, and they were off for the day. 

Tech smiled faintly as she led him down the footpath, holding his hand firmly. “You’re eager today, aren’t you?”

“We spend all our time fixing and building. Today, we enjoy what we built.” She looked back at him, eyes bright. “Normally, we get breakfast from Lyana and Shep. Today, let’s buy our own at the market. I have credits for it.”

“Where did you get credits?” He raised an eyebrow. “We are rebuilding Lower Pabu in exchange for a place to live. Credits were not a part of the arrangement.”

“No. But sometimes people give me credits if I sing when I’m walking home from working.” She shrugged. “Baby Mega told me to get a piggy bank, but I could only find an empty jelly jar. It works just fine.” She grinned. They walked into the bustling marketplace right between Upper and Lower Pabu, where fish vendors were selling their catch of the morning and fruit stalls overflowed with ripe and sweet bounty. Street food carts moved between the stationary locations, the smells mingling together in a way that made the ever-hungry siren’s mouth water. “Let’s try something we’ve never had before.”

“That is financially irresponsible. If you have never tried something, you do not know if you will enjoy it. If you do not, you have wasted the credits when you could have gotten something you do enjoy.” Tech frowned. 

“Not wasted if you have a new experience. Those are worth more than credits.” She walked over to a stall selling balls of fried dough filled with pieces of octopus inside. They came in orders of six, so Shiani got one to share. “Here, try.”

He took one out of the container and frowned. “I find it surprising you choose to eat octopus. Does it not feel adjacent to canibalism?” 

Shiani speared one of the snacks on her claws. “That’s like me saying it’s cannibalism if you eat a moon-yo. Besides, I eat anything that won’t eat me first.” She popped it into her mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “Ooh. This is good.”

Tech tried the morsel himself. “This is actually quite good.”

“Told you it was worth the risk. And besides, octopus is always better when it’s cooked.” She gave him another one as they walked through the marker. 

“So you’ve eaten it raw.”

“I ate most things raw when I was exiled. Sirens cook on thermal vents on the ocean floor. We have pipes from central vents into houses, and the power grid follows the same patterns.” She explained. 

When they finished this treat, Shiani turned around and got them an order of dumplings and a meiloorun to take down to the beach. Tech let her pull him along, recording his favorite view. Shiani, holding his hand as she led the way.

“What experience do you have planned now, cyar’ika?” 

“We were always working on something on Kamino. Today, I want to play.” She grinned, looking back at him. “I want to show you how beautiful the world I came from can be.” 

He blinked at her adorably earnest expression, then smiled a little brighter as his eyes drifted to her hand holding his. “How do you plan to do that?” Squeeze squeeze squeeze.

“Diving.” They made it to the beach, Shiani reaching into her bag and pulling out a blanket. She spread it out and sat their things down. “Leave your armor and datapad, and we’ll go.”

Tech raised an eyebrow. “Our things could be taken.”

“Not on Pabu.” She sat on the blanket and started unbuckling her overalls. “It’s safe here. It’s the only safe place we’ve ever been. Besides, we don’t need a repeat of the day we met, do we?” 

“I suppose not.” He chuckled quietly and took off his belt. She was right. He’d never been anywhere safe, bred for a war he had no stake in and abandoned by the Republic he’d served faithfully. Kamino had its dangers, even when he was a cadet when any failure could result in decommissioning. The war and everything after had only followed in its footsteps… She’d been born into a crumbling city surrounded by predators and her own people’s fear. Here on Pabu, however, they could finally relax. 

He dropped his vest, bags, and boots. When he looked up, Shiani had dropped her overalls entirely. She was standing by the edge of the towel and stretching, and he admired the delicate slope of her neck and curve of her hips in the yellow swimsuit. It was a bikini, the top designed similarly to a sleeveless wetsuit and the bottoms were short-shorts. “I do not recall that outfit being in your clothing cubby.” 

She laughed, propping a hand on her hip. He tried not to stare too long at her wasp waist and abs as she did. “Omega told Lyana my favorite color is yellow, so she and Shep found me this. I just haven’t had a chance to wear it.” 

“You look… astounding.” He breathed, letting her take his hand again as she led him to the water. 

“Good. Come here, I can’t wait for you to see this.” Her happy smile was infectious, and he followed her into the water. 

She kept her form once they were underwater, kicking her legs to swim at his pace until they were out by the reef’s edge beyond the fishing zones. The morning sun scattered rays of light through the water, dappling patterns that could be seen all the way to the bottom. “Kamino was never this warm.” She floated next to him, looking up at the sky. “And there weren't any birds.”

“There was no land for them to nest on, so they went extinct in the initial flood.” He nodded. “Only fully aquatic species survived the climate shift, unless they were genetically preserved by the longnecks.”

Shiani smiled, though there was a bittersweet edge to it. She’d feared and resented the longnecks, but that didn’t mean the’d deserved to be wiped out. The Empire had done that, just like they’d killed all the Jedi who might have understood the way the galaxy sang to her “They never knew how much life was really down there.” 

“Is Pabu’s sea as alive as Kamino?” Tech turned his head to look at her, cradled in the water’s embrace. 

“Let me show you. Got you rebreather?.” She flipped around and let him get the device in his mouth before pulling him down below the waves. 

The reef here was so colorful, shoals of fish patrolling corals of every color imaginable. Shiani brought him close, showing him striped fish living inside stinging anemones and eels peeking gape-mouthed out of holes in the stone and coral. His eyes lit up, fascinated, and he swam closer to explore while she kept an eye on him.

They made their way through the reef, investigating every little cranny they could find. There were turtles who swam like they were flying in their hunt for jellyfish, rays that flapped and stirred sand when they were startled by the duo’s shadow passing above them, and little crevices that fish had hidden their eggs in. She let curious reef fish swim into her hands and showed them to Tech, letting him pet them like they were tooka kittens they’d found. When he found a bizarre corkscrew shaped item, he curiously picked it up and examined it. It was firm but flexible, felt hollow, but had weight to it. 

Shiani tapped his arm and signed, grinning at his fascinated. “Certain type of shark egg.”

Tech carefully set it back down and nodded, smiling before he gestured for them to surface again. When they popped above the water, he took the rebreather from his mouth and pulled her closer. “You were correct. It is spectacular down there.”

She giggled, settling her arms around his neck and nuzzling his jawline. “Better than Kamino. Did you see all the eggs? It’ll bloom like springtime on Naboo soon. Kamino struggles, but this place… Pabu is alive.” 

Tech nodded. “What else do you want to see?”

She pointed at a tidepool near a cavern system, a secure little semi circle of rocks that couldn’t be seen from the city above. “Let’s check that out.”

He nodded agreeably, and they swam over to investigate. 

There were a few little guppies and starfish clinging to the rocks, but was secure and full of shallow water gone warm from the sun. Shiani giggled and swam in tight circles in the bare knee-deep water, expression relaxed and content. Tech was finally safe, and he looked happy now. That was all she’d wanted since she’d first spotted him sinking far below the surface of Kamino. Tech deserved to be happy.

She was startled when he pulled her into his lap suddenly, bringing her mouth to his almost reverently. She felt it in her chest, a flipped switch in him of desire. “Someone’s happy to see me.” She teased when he was forced to breathe, the siren grinding her hips teasingly against the evident bulge in the front of his pants. 

“I cannot help myself.” Tech rested his chin in her chest to look up at her. “I simply realized I never appreciated how beautiful you truly are when you are happy.” 

Shiani hummed, running her fingers softly through his hair. “You make me happy, Tech.” 

Tech smiled, his own fingertips tracing the curve of her bottom lip. “That smile is the most valuable thing I have ever created.” 

Shiani’s grin brightened, and she pushed his back against the stones that encircled them, slithering down his lap. That playful expression he knew always ended with her hands on him was tinging across her face, and it stirred his own need into something that burned low in his stomach. “Want to see how long I can hold my breath?” She giggled.

“You do not need to hold your-” He started, but she vanished under the water and started pulling open the fastening of his pants. “Oh. You were teasin- ah…” She was quick, and before he could fully process what she was doing she had worked him out of his pants and dropped her mouth around his cock. He groaned between his teeth, reaching out to trace the patterns of faintly pulsing light that flickered across her skin with every movement she made. His pretty siren, his beautiful bride who took the time to listen whenever he spoke, who understood the way he conducted himself, who loved him despite all the times he’d probably driven her out of her mind… When he’d sunk in the middle of an aquatics exercise as a cadet, he’d never thought he’d end up in love with the woman who rescued him. Let alone on an island in the middle of nowhere, a deserter with no regrets about running. 

The Empire would have put Shiani in a cage. He could hold her in his arms instead. 

He found himself holding one of her hands as she swallowed around him, unable to keep coherent thoughts. But he could squeeze and count to three, and she knew he loved her more than anything in the galaxy. 

She let off of him when his legs started to tremble under her tentacles, smug little face half surfacing to grin at him with a wiggle of her ear fins. Tech was breathing hard, and licked his lips. “You are teasing.”

“It’s fun.” She cooed, climbing back up his body to straddle his waist. “And I always give you want you want eventually, don’t I?”

“You are what I want. However you are there.” He said honestly. He had never been good with flowery phrases, but sometimes he knew what romance writers meant. Sometimes he felt that bone-deep ache to consume each other to the soul, until nothing was left of either of them and they'd melted into the molecules of the other in a way that couldn't be untangled. If his atoms could twine their way into Shiani’s and sail away into the stardust they’d once come from, he might begin to believe in the idea of a heavenly afterlife.

Shiani kissed him again, one leg flexing up so she could pull it out of her bottoms and leave it hanging around the other thigh like a garter. Then she could take Tech back in hand and guide herself down, gasping pleasantly as he took his place in the warmth of her insides. He filled her perfectly, like a missing piece she hadn’t realized she needed until he was there. He had his arms wrapped around tightly around her waist as she cupped his face, both of them rolling against each other slow and steady. It felt like the cycle of the tides, the waves lapping at the shore, and every other perfect process of nature that turned planets and sent stars shooting across the sky. 

Loving Tech was easy. No matter what happened, it was the easiest thing she’d ever done. Every hard thing that had followed made perfect sense whenever she experienced what his love in return felt like. And today it felt simple, languid and unhurried as she rocked her hips and swallowed every needy little sound her brilliant lover could make. 

She made up for every time she’d fantasized about him in her lonely little cavern on Kamino, every time her pelvis met his and he pressed into the electric place inside her was a promise. 

I love you.

I’ll always love you. 

You mean everything to me. 

I’ll never give up on you.

When the spool of winding magma in Shiani’s belly got tighter and tighter, she pressed her head to his and gently tugged his jaw up until he was looking at her with hazy eyes. She smiled and kissed his forehead, recalling dimly he’d mentioned the idea the brain was the seat of personality and the part of her he loved the most. So, with her lips right at his brain, she cooed out the lingering and intoxicating note of a siren kiss and watched him come undone from the inside out. 

And his release took hers by the hand and pulled her over right behind him. Of course it did. She followed Tech, to death to ecstasy. That was where Shiani belonged. 

She dropped her head onto his shoulder and kissed it, panting as she felt his heavy breath against her skin. He squeezed her to his chest, three times slowly as he tried to remember how his limbs worked. A siren kiss was the most deliciously disorienting thing he’d ever experienced. “We should take days off more often.” She breathed. 

“I agree.” Tech chuckled weakly. “Did you have any other plans for today?”

“Go back to the blanket, eat that meiloorun, take a nap in the sun, and watch the meteor shower that’s supposed to go by tonight. Mr. Eenta told me about it. I’ve never seen one before.”

Tech nosed against her cheek. “I think that is an excellent itinerary, cyar’ika.”

Tech had kept his promise of letting Omega behind the controls of the Havoc Marauder, which meant a lot of afternoons practicing takeoff and landing. His wayward little sister was getting better as a pilot, but teaching her was far more stressful than teaching Shiani had been. 

Maybe it was because Omega insisted Shiani come with them for all their training sessions, which meant she was whooping in the background while Tech held on for dear life in the copilot’s seat. 

“That was better, wasn’t it Tech? The altitude alarms didn’t even go off this time.” Omega grinned at him as she brought them back up from a low swoop. 

“That is because they shorted out the last time we did this.” Tech adjusted his goggles. “But yes, you have improved under my teaching method.”

Shiani was strapped in in the seat behind them, and had been holding her arms and tentacles in the air like she’d been on a roller coaster. She lowered them with a peep at Tech. “You didn’t tell me the alarms were broken! I’ll fix them this afternoon.” 

Tech turned to look at her, smiling fondly. Wrecker had often accused him of being overly serious and never smiling, but lately he couldn’t stop. Just watching Shiani walk from the ship to the Archium every morning had him beaming into his caf. “You were fixing the long range transmitter so Hunter could talk to Echo.”

She nodded sagely. “He’s coming to see us soon. I need to make sure he hasn’t messed up his arm. But still, tell me things when they break! What good is a mechanic with nothing to fix?”

“You are also a skilled pilot, talented singer, and extremely efficient assistant to the fishermen here on Pabu.” He pointed out. 

She rolled her eyes, but was still smiling. “Hey, Baby Mega. Try a sharp swing back with zero thruster pull.”

“The Tech turn?” Omega’s eyes glittered. 

Yeah! Tech turn!” Shiani grabbed her restraints as Omega took off at high speed to perform the maneuver. Tech grabbed onto his seat as he soul tried to escape his body. Teaching pre-teens to fly was terrifying, and he’d been in a war. 

Shiani was giggling behind him, absolutely having encouraged this just to see him gasp and cling to his chair, when the comm went off. Omega slowed them back down to look at it. 

“Havoc 4 to Havoc 5.” 

“It’s Echo!” Omega grinned. “Havoc 5 to Havoc 4! I copy!”

“Looks like you’ve been keeping up with your training. How about let’s see what you’ve learned? I’ll race you to the landing zone.”

“You’re on!” Omega gunned the engine, slinging Tech nearly out of his chair. Shiani caught him with a tentacle and grinned when he glanced back, winking at her mate. He shook his head with a wry smile and righted himself for a high-speed but bumpy landing. Omega was improving, certainly, but she was still young. She’d need plenty of practice.

When she set the ship out, his legs were a little wobbly. Omega ran ahead to jump bodily into Echo’s arms, while Shiani hung back to give Tech a kiss on the cheek. “You okay?”

“You recommended that zero-thruster pull just to upset my equilibrium, didn’t you?” He slipped an arm around her to walk over and shake Echo’s hand. 

“It’s a Tech turn, and it’s a great tool for her to have.” She insisted, still grinning. 

“That is not what it is called… but I do like it.” He got to Echo and Shiani gave the cyborg a hug while he was still holding Omega on his hip. 

“Missed you, Echo. How’s the arm?”

“Best piece of equipment I’ve ever had.” He grinned, letting her inspect it. “And I’ve put it through its paces. It just has a slight delay to my amplifier.” He tapped the halo of metal around his head. “Think you could take a look at that for me? It works without it but everything’s faster when it’s in sync.”

Shiani nodded. “I’ll fix it. You had something for Tech to decrypt, right?”

Echo nodded and gently set Omega down before pulling out a datastick. “We got this over Balmorra, after we intercepted a ship full of arrested clones. The Empire had something terrible planned for them, and we need to find out what.”

“I will get right on it.” Tech nodded, taking the datapad. 

“I’ll fix your arm.” Shiani held out her hands and Echo made a wry face before handing her both the prosthetic and amplifier off his head. 

“I forget you have ears.” Omega snickered. “

“While those two work, why don’t we show you what we’ve been working on?” Hunter offered. “And get you something to eat. They’ve been looking after us here.”

Echo nodded. “I’m surprised you’re not back on Ord Mantell with Cid.”

“We’re evaluating things.” Hunter shook his head.

Omega took his good hand. “Shiani says she’ll bite Cid if she sees her again. I think we had to move.” 

“He bent the uplink transponder. It was inside the housing, I have no idea how he managed to do that.” Shiani complained to Tech as she finished up the repairs on Echo’s arm. She’d been mostly quiet so he could concentrate on the decryption, but he was waiting on something to download at the moment so it was safe to talk. Or… she had thought so until he turned around in the bridge chair and looked at her. 

There was a spike of something sharp and anxious in his eyes. “Shiani… can you come here for a moment. I need you to confirm something.”

The siren nodded, leaving the arm and amplifier on the workbench and walking over to him. “Yes?”

He waved her to a section of the holoscreen. “Do you see anything unusual in this manifest? I need to be sure this is not… wishful thinking.”

Her eyes canned down a list of numbers, frowning as she realized they were clone CTs. Four digit codes the longnecks assigned in place of giving men names and treating them like people. It was sickening, and she- “CT-9904.” She paused. “... doesn’t everyone in this unit start with 99?” 

“Yes, in order of decanting.” He nodded. 

Shiani frowned. “You told me Hunter was the oldest a long time ago. You were second, then Wrecker… that’s Crosshair’s CT number.”

Tech nodded. “That was what I thought… I was hoping to be wrong.”

“You’re seldom wrong.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “If Crosshair’s on this manifest, he was transported with the other clones.”

“He was arrested by the Empire.” Tech nodded. 

“Which means he turned on the Empire.” She leaned over. “I told you he was still in there, Tech.”

“You did. I ran a check over our disused comm frequencies and found a transmission from Crosshair’s old code. I… believe the others should be here before I play it.” His knuckles were white as he clutched the armrest of the seat. “I will explain what all I found when they get here.”

“I’ll comm them.” She put her hand on his back. “Are you alright?”

“I am anticipating a likely argument that will be exceptionally unpleasant.” He closed his eyes. “Hunter has mitigated risks and protected us since the fall of the Republic, and I am grateful for his leadership. However… this new data indicates Crosshair is in considerable danger. I could allow him his choices even if I did not understand them, but I cannot tolerate my brother being held captive. We do not leave our own behind. If Hunter does not agree, I will have to figure this out on my own.”

“Never on your own, Tech. I’ll be right beside you.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek gently. “Always.” 

“Thank you, cyare.”

Shiani hit her comm. “Everybody come back to the ship for a debrief on the decryption, please.”

While they waited, she put her arms around Tech’s shoulders from behind and held him, cheek pressed against his. She could feel the barest tremble in his spine, so she hummed softly in his ear until they heard the other’s voices. 

He’d been grieving Crosshair’s absence since the day he’d left, and now there was a chance to get him back. It would take him a moment to come to terms with the emotional aspect of it, but there was never any question about his action. Crosshair was his brother. He would never abandon him when he needed it. He was still fidgeting uncomfortably and holding onto Shiani’s hand when Hunter led the squad in for an explaination. "What have you got?" Echo was the first to speak.

"Nothing good, I’m afraid. The ship you hijacked over Balmorra was assigned to the Advanced Science Division."

"I'm not familiar with that." Hunter’s brows furrowed. 

"That is because it was a clandestine operation with no records of its location or purpose. But it was headed by Dr. Royce Hemlock." Tech swallowed the instant revulsion at the name. He was a scientist… Hemlock was a monster. “He was expelled from the Republic science corps for ethical violations involving unauthorized and unorthodox experiments." 

Omega scrutinized the holo of Hemlock’s face, eyebrows scrunched, as she reached for Shiani’s other hand. "Why would they be transferring clones to him?"

"I am not sure. But there is another problem… previous records of transferred clones include Crosshair’s CT number." Tech’s voice went quiet.

“I confirmed he’s on the manifest.” Shiani clarified. “And Tech found a transmission on one of your old comm channels. He was waiting to play it until you got here.” 

“Let’s hear it, Tech.” Echo frowned. 

Tech took a deep breath, almost dreading what he was going to hear, and played the audio file. It was unmistakably Crosshair’s voice, a uniquely serpentine twist on the accent Shiani was so familiar with. She couldn’t help but be struck with how much he sounded like Tech, though, when he was obviously scared. 

"Plan 88. You've got to hide… they're after-"

“The Seeker.” Shiani repeated, on habit after all the training Tech put her through to memorize the plans.

"He may be attempting to warn us we are being targeted." Tech breathed. 

Wrecker’s eyes were wide and his grip on the back of the chair Omega was sitting in tightened. "That means Crosshair turned on the Empire." Shiani could almost taste his hope, the same flickering one she felt from Tech, that they might just get their missing part back.  

"Or setting a trap, as he's done before." Hunter shook his head, turning his head. Tech and Wrecker both stiffened, giving each other glances as they tried to figure out how they were going to convince the sergeant to give rescue a try. 

Shiani turned out to be the answer, her big eyes fixing on the long-haired soldier before looking at Omega pointedly. “Hunter.” Her voice was soft. “You’re not that hard hearted. You love your family.” 

He gritted his teeth. “He’s tried to kill us multiple times.”

“And we are listed as killed on Kamino, which is why the Empire has not continued to hunt us.” Tech said quietly. “Only one person could have reported our deaths after the destruction of Tipoca City… Shiani made the suggest and I looked into it.”

“Crosshair is your brother, and he’s still in there.” Shiani said firmly, looking back at her husband and smiling faintly. She’d made a promise, a long time ago, that she’d never stop looking for Tech if he disappeared. Crosshair was a part of Tech, so… she had to try.  “And we don’t leave our own behind.”

Hunter sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose. Omega, who’d been pensively looking at the screen the entire time the adults had been talking, piped up. “She’s right, Hunter. We can’t just let this… Hemlock person hurt him. He’s our brother.”

Hunter sighed. “Alright. Get me some data.” 

Tech fiddled with his datapad. “There is very little information on the Advanced Science Division.” He frowned, frustrated as his searches came up empty. He’d been at it for over an hour.

“There’s even less on Hemlock.” Echo grumbled, getting off the comm with Rex. “None of our contacts had much to say.”

Shiani was sitting next to Echo at the work table, reattaching his arm carefully. “... I know going in blind is… less than ideal. But we’ve pulled off missions for Cid with almost no information for Cid before. We just need to find the base.” 

“I do have one lead from a contact. It’s not much to go on, but it’s a start.” Echo flexed his fingers once she got him attached. “Hemlock is attending a summit called by Governor Tarkin in two rotations, on Eriadu. It’s held at his compound, Raven’s Peak.”

Tech pulled up some information on Eriadu while Shiani nodded. “We could stick a tracker on his ship while he’s in the meeting, and follow him back to wherever his base is. That’s gotta be where they’re keeping Crosshair and the other clones.”

Echo nodded. “Most likely. We’ll have to be careful about it, but we’re a small enough squad with sharp enough skills to make it work.”

“Quick in and out. No one will ever know we’re there.” She smiled, but it faltered when she looked over at Tech. He looked so stressed and tense, adjusting his goggles anxiously. She patted Echo’s wrist before getting up to go back to him. “Hey.”

Tech leaned back against her as she came up behind his chair, looking up at the worried siren. “Hello, cyar’ika.” 

“We’ll get him back, okay?” She leaned over, kissing his forehead upside down. 

“We will be at a tactical disadvantage going into a secure compound.” He murmured, looking at the schematics on his screen. 

“Not the first time.” She stroked his cheeks with her thumbs. 

Hunter, who’d been waiting for an idea between the three nerds, nodded. “Any backup to be expected, Echo?”

“Rex is on another mission, but I think we can handle it.” Echo got his amplifier back on and stretched his shoulder and arm. “Your call, Hunter.”

Hunter glanced at Omega, who’d been looking at the main screen for a long time. Crosshair’s service holo was still up, and he couldn’t help but think she’d never forgive him if he didn’t at least try to save their missing brother. “Alright. We go in quick and quiet, drop the tracker, and get out. We’ll follow Hemlock back to base from a safe distance, and recon before we make a move. We’ll move out in the morning.”

Everyone nodded, and since it was so late they got ready to try to rest. Echo volunteered to put Omega to bed since he’d missed her, while Hunter took a breather on the ramp to get himself ready for one more mission. 

It always felt like just one more mission. The more missions he went on, the more he wanted to put the armor away and forget about being a soldier. He’d be happy here, raising Omega with Tech and Wrecker. Hell, maybe Tech and Shiani would have a kid… But Crosshair needed him. And as broken down as their relationship had become, the sniper was still his little brother. 

Wrecker was quick to start snoring, and Shiani climbed into her bunk next to Tech and rested her head on his chest. “You okay?” She whispered, looking up at him. 

“Yes. Hunter was more receptive to the idea than anticipated.” Tech nodded quietly, thoughts racing more than normal. “This mission will be exceptionally dangerous.”

“But worth the effort.” She cuddled closer. “You’ve missed Crosshair for a long time.”

“Yes. But planting the tracker is not the same as rescuing him. We will have to do that too.”

“I know.” She brought his hand to her lips and kissed it, over the bacta patch on his wrist from his experiments with her venom. “But we can do it. Think about the after, when we all go back to Pabu again. Do you think Crosshair will like it here?”

“He does not like anything.” Tech smiled. “At least not out loud. He will likely complain.”

“That’s okay. We’ll drag him to the beach, or make him look at the nights with us. He’ll find where he fits again.” 

“I like that idea.” He kissed her forehead gently. “We have got to get a bigger domicile, however.”

“We’ll build a house.” Shiani yawned against his chest. “Everybody gets their own bedroom. And more than one fresher.” 

“That would be a significant improvement.” 

Tech didn’t mind the moment of escapism. So many seemingly impossible things had already happened; there was no reason they couldn’t dream. Crosshair had once told him that it was impossible that Tech was ever going to get a girl, due to his idiosyncrasies… so he promised himself once Crosshair was back and okay, he was going to be as smug as possible about Shiani.

[sonicasura]

Here's more info for the WereKaiju AU. This will focus on Kafka's unique condition and the effects it has with those around him. Let's get started!

Kafka's bite is very infectious like I said before. It can affect both humans and animals although the effects on kaiju are very interesting. Should one survive an encounter with Kafka, changes will begin to take place.

The kaiju's intelligence slowly increases as it begins to isolate itself away from humanity. Any hostility and primal instincts slowly decrease over while interest in human related things grows over time. Once two weeks have passed, the bitten kaiju undergoes a swift metamorphosis.

These usually take 5 minutes to an hour depending on size and fortitude. Once complete, a human will now stand in place of the bitten kaiju. Yup! Kaiju who are bit by Kafka gain not only a human form but humanlike intelligence too.

This type of WereKaiju follow him similar to a pack with the himbo being their Alpha. His word is law to them and it honestly terrified Kafka quite a bit. Especially since a turned kaiju becomes stronger but also larger as a byproduct of this metamorphosis.

Animal WereKaiju also follows a similar transformation alongside behavior but they don't get a human form. Their animal bodies just become bigger, stronger and humanoid frames in nature depending on their body. Snakes for example have a higher chance to develop such a body type.

Human turned WereKaiju do have an urge to follow Kafka's lead but they can resist. Every turned person or animal has their own unique kaiju form instead of Kafka's serving as a template. They do share some traits similar to his like spiny long tails, bioluminescent body markings and sometimes bone mask faces.

Any offspring Kafka has will be Alpha Werekaiju as well. Future generations have the chance of being born Weres that steadily reduce from 100% to 35% minimum. They don't officially gain alpha status until reaching adulthood and leaving the pack to start their own.

Kafka does turn at least two kaiju. The first being on accident since it was one he had been fighting when the Defense Force interrupted the clash in an attempt to kill him. Kafka obviously freaks out once a person who says they're the kaiju he fought before shows up in his house.

The second one turned was an orphaned whelp that he found while hunting. Kafka felt bad for the infant and knew it would be easier to raise them if they were like him. Thus the man turns the whelp for their sake.

Similar to werewolves, WereKaiju are much more influenced by their primal instincts. This includes hunting for the pack, claiming ample amounts of territory, looking for potential mates, building nests, helping rear any whelps, etc. Kafka does have some restraint due to being an Alpha and originally human.

There's another side effect to forming a pack. With each turned member, Kafka's own kaiju form begins to grow stronger. Should he turn enough individuals then he'll undergo a metamorphosis into a more powerful form with greater control of himself.

It does take awhile for the Defense Force to realize these details. Some didn't think No.8's bite would affect kaiju but were greatly mistaken. An experiment with a small one finally happened and everyone was immediately floored when a human child stood amongst the now broken enclosure.

You can bet your ass that the emergency meeting afterwards became an absolute shit show to say the least. The new WereKaiju was spared although they would be used to locate No.8 alongside the other members of the Daikaiju's pack. Kafka will come across them a few times before he's eventually taken in.

Mina wasn't exactly happy to learn that No.8 was her childhood friend. It made the task of keeping him alive very very difficult due to his infectious bite, barely borderline animalistic behavior and already having formed a small pack. Heavy regulations would be slapped on Kafka in exchange for keeping him alive.

The man is required to wear a special mouth guard or muzzle whenever interacting with the Defense Force, his pack would be allowed on DF property only unless he's required for a mission, mandatory lockdowns for every full moon, someone must accompany him during public outings, etc. Kafka does regain more freedom if he behaves and follows these guidelines. Plus No.9 was the current threat as the kaiju's aim to abuse the man's turning capabilities became quickly known.

The Mushroom Man would make his attempts to replicate the virus and some of these experiments cause major trouble for the Defense Force. One particular instance resulted in a town wide plague that would kill or turn someone kaiju-like zombie in weeks if intervention wasn't made in time. Ironically enough, Kafka's saliva happens to be the main ingredient for the cure.

No.9's antics will prove that our favorite himbo is needed if the Defense Force wants to keep the natural order of things from really diving off the deep end. A kaiju deciding the world is perfect for a Resident Evil style Plague Inc simulation should've been a big enough warning as is. Nothing like a brand new Werecreature to tell you your life got 100 times more insane.

[flabby-flattie-fatties]

Zeri kept a journal monitoring her fitness progress, or rather lack thereof as of late and decided to look back through it.

Zeri wheezed heavily as she almost threw her body to her bed, this one creaking loudly under the sudden impact.

She undid her belt and lifted her shirt, her sweaty belly surging out, heaving up and down with each heavy breath from the exhausted woman.

Zeri had been under strict orders to keep herself relaxed and in rest in order to get better workouts, however, little did she know this was nothing but a ploy to get the poor battle bunny to swell much like her commander.

Still, being the once gym rat, Zeri sometimes broke these rules and decided to do a little work out, nothing too serious, merely a warm up. And just like before, she decided to write all down in her control book.

Now, struggling to catch her breath, the tired butterball was ready to write down her most recent experience. However, part of her was curious as to how she faired compared to previous days, so she decided to take a look since this whole "rest diet" started.

Day 1

"50 push ups, 70 jumpings, 2 minutes of planking, 60 squads. My workout routines used to be so much better than these :( however, my trainer said that this new diet should help me rest my muscles for the next time I work out"

Day 5

"40 push ups, 70 jumpings, 2 minutes of planking, 50 squads. It's been a few days since I started this thing, honestly, I feel great! I haven't felt so well rested in a while. Working on my warm ups is still a bit hard, but I think this might work.

Day 20

"35 push ups, 50 jumpings, 1 minute 40 seconds of planking, 45 squads. I haven't seen my trainer in a bit, however, I have been sticking to my diet to a T! Truth be told... I don't feel that much more active; Jinx and Vayne say that I'm just hungry and that I should eat more to help get my strength back, but I have my doubts.

Day 50

"30 push ups, 30 jumpings, 1 minute 20 seconds of planking, 30 squads. It's been some time since I wrote an entry, today I decided to do another round of exercises, however, my trainer caught me. I was really out of breath and apparently I was making too much noise. They strictly prohibited me to do any further exercises until my diet took effect. I don't know when I will be able to write another entry, but I trust them.

Day ?

“15 push ups, 20 jumpings, 30 seconds of planking, 10 squads. I don't know how much has passed since my last entry; all the days kind of blend together, Vayne and Jinx keep bringing me more and more food. Today I was able to sneak past them and do a some warm ups, I don't think I have been so tired in my life, next time I see my trainer I will need to ask some questions but... For now I will still believe.

Day ??

"5 push ups, 10 jumpings, 20 seconds of planking, 5 squads." There were no notes on that entry, simply food and sweat stains.

That was the last entry Zeri had written. Gears would have started turning in her head if she wasn't so exhausted, she barely even had the energy to pick up her pen to write the next entry.

Day ???

"3 push ups (?), 5 jumpings, 10 seconds of planking, 0 squads. I could feel my legs shaking whenever I did any of the exercises, each time I went for a pushup I ended up falling back on the floor. I tried to do some squads, but as soon as I went low I lost my balance and ended up falling on my ass, didn't hurt anything except my ego. My trainer caught me and said I was struggling because of all these times I have been cheating on my diet. I will monitored from now on, I don't know if I will be able to write another entry... Maybe this is for the best, I do feel better while laying down, maybe my trainer really was onto something"

[portaltothevoid]

For Whom the Bell Tolls - Chapter 35 - Spellbound

Pairing: Eddie Munson x OFC (Kat Ramsay), sequel to Foolin’

Summary: Kat returns to Hawkins after the battle.

Warnings: This is it. It’s the end of Kat’s story…. For now. 

Word count: 3.3k

Chapter song: Spellbound by Siouxsie and the Banshees

Tag list: @munchabunch​ @madaboutmunson​ @earl-greater​

The medics were working on Eddie before the helicopter was even in the air. They took his vitals and changed his bandages, applying more pressure to stop whatever ones were still bleeding. Frantically, they were writing notes on various clipboards. 

An adrenaline crash hit Kat like a ton of bricks. She could feel herself spacing out as she tried to stay attentive to Eddie. The whole ride took no more than 15 minutes. They landed atop this building in the middle of the woods. It felt eerily similar to Hawkins Lab. 

Eddie was wheeled off in the stretcher. The woman had held Kat back, not letting her follow. She didn’t even fight it. There was really nothing anyone could do to keep her from him anyway, but she knew the doctors needed space to assess him and make him comfortable. Soon enough, she would see him.

Kat was led a few floors down to a fancy boardroom. There she saw her Uncle Hank who shot up to greet her along with a couple of his colleagues. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” he said as he hugged her. 

“Yeah, me too, honestly,” she said quietly, returning his hug. “They’ll tell me as soon as Eddie is stable, right?”

“Yes, yes, of course. He will be very well taken care of here,” Hank assured her as he pulled out a chair for her to sit.

“Where is ‘here’ exactly?”

“Knight Ridge Technical, a government research facility, about ten miles east of Bloomington.”

“Right…” she said tapping on the table. “It’s not the kind of research that brainwashes kids and experiments on them against their will, right?” With Kat’s blunt question it felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. 

“No, no. Nothing of that sort. That was Brenner’s thing. Here at Knight Ridge we focus more on understanding physics and electromagnetic fields, things of that nature.”

“Yeah, sure. So are we here to talk terms or…?” she trailed off.

“Terms?” The woman asked.

“Uh, yeah. Eddie and I are prime suspects in murders that One did, and ya know, opened up a massive gate between our world and the Upside Down. So I want our names cleared. Specifically his name cleared.”

“That… that will come in time. I’m seeing to it you both are going to be very well taken care of. Right now we are just trying to understand exactly how that happened.”

Kat let out a big sigh. “So my friend Max was one of his victims. Basically me and El, Eleven, piggybacked from Max’s mind into Vecna… One’s mind. We call him Vecna. Sometimes One. Sometimes Henry? Anyway. He wanted us to watch him kill Max as his fourth and final victim to, in his demented mind, ‘save the world’ more or less, but wherever El was, her boyfriend gave her this peptalk. Which I could hear too. He was telling her to fight. I thought of Eddie. And I fought like hell to get back to him. Because the all-seeing asshole showed me a live feed of the demobats attacking him. El basically finished One off while I went back to my body and then, um, sort of became a human EKG machine. Um, so yeah, we sort of stalled him for the time being, but I mean, every place One killed someone turned into a gate. When Max… died…” Kat took a second to clear her throat. The weight and reality of that statement hadn’t even registered in her mind yet. “That’s what caused the giant earthquake. I saw it from the air. Every gate connected and formed a line to the center of Hawkins. I don’t know what it means, but… He said he would be there when the rest of the world burns and falls and he’d be there to pick up the pieces, to turn the world into something beautiful. Clearly we have very different standards of beauty. If only you guys got a look at him. He doesn’t need to bag just his face, but his whole body…” Kat shuddered at the thought and then looked at everyone in front of her. They all stared back at her blankly, mouths slightly agape. 

Hank cleared his throat and adjusted his tie. “We’ve lost contact with Eleven after the disaster at NINA, but you said she was there?”

“Yeah, she’s on her way back to Hawkins.”

“You’re the reason that boy is alive?” someone else asked.

“Um, yeah. I– I– I panicked. I couldn’t… I can’t lose him,” she whispered as she looked at her hands on the table.

“You never cease to amaze me, ya know that, kiddo?” Hank said with a beaming smile. “So here’s what happens now. We’re going to set you up in an overnight suite here. You used an immense amount of power. To be quite honest, I don’t even know how you’re still standing right now.”

“Well, I’m sitting, but yeah, me neither.”

“You rest up and hopefully by the time you’re ready, you’ll be able to see Eddie. Sound good?”

“Yeah, sure, but Uncle Hank? I mean it. When we get back to Hawkins I want his name cleared,” she spoke sternly.

“Who said anything about going back to Hawkins? Kat, honey, you can’t go back there. The town is like a war zone.”

“Exactly. It is a war zone. And I have to be on the front lines. This fight isn’t over. It’s only just beginning.”

Hank started to stutter when the woman spoke up. “The girl and her family will be staying in their secluded cabin. Surely there’s another one nearby we could set up for them. Temporarily they can stay there until we finalize everything.”

“I like this lady,” Kat nodded with a smile as she got up from her seat. Everyone else followed suit. “Don’t know who you are, but I like you.”

“Agent Stinson,” she said as she stuck out her hand for a handshake. “I’ll show you to your room.”

~~~~~

The next day Kat was waiting outside Eddie’s room, ringing her hands anxiously. She had been called here just moments ago, but when she finally got to the room, he was still asleep. One of the doctors finally came by and updated her on everything.

“He’s very lucky to be alive, you know. We honestly don’t know how he survived. Those wounds were deep and he lost a lot of blood. He has quite the road to recovery, but luckily you got him here in time. Truly, his case is baffling. Were you aware he was clinically dead for about a minute?”

“I… um, yeah. I just, um… I went by the book to save him, I guess,” she muttered. She’d never heard or seen this person before in her life. How could she know if she could trust him? Sometimes she felt guilty for how much of the battle she relayed to her Uncle, but it just kept pouring out of her.

“Is that so?” The doctor chuckled. “We’re all on your side here. You can trust us.”

“That’s what they all say,” Kat said with a weak smile.

“I get it, I get it. From what you’ve been through… It’s wise not to automatically trust everyone you meet. Anyway, his vitals are stable. We gave him fluids when he first got here. He was able to eat this morning. His upper body suffered the most damage, so you guys should be on your way tomorrow.”

“Does everyone know what I can do here? Jesus. Wait, on our way tomorrow? Are you serious?”

“You and Eleven are like our local celebrities here. We’re all in your corner. And absolutely. This is the most miraculous case I’ve ever seen. I mean, the improvement from yesterday to today is astonishing. I’ll send you home with a folder full of his care regimen. You’ll have agents and doctors close by, should any issues arise.”

“Thank you,” she said sincerely.

“Alright, I’ll let you see him. It’s best if he wakes up on his own, but there's a chair in there for you and the TVs still on, so help yourself. If you need anything, just buzz for one of the nurses.”

Kat nodded and had her hand on the door knob, but hesitated before she went in. “Wait, just tell me before I go in there… Did you have to cut his hair?”

“No,” the doctor chuckled. “His hair is still intact.”

“Thank god. I didn’t wanna be the one to tell him. He would’ve been pissed,” Kat laughed as she entered the room.

He was lying there peacefully. Bandages covered much of his body. But the color had returned to his face. His hair was fanned out around him. She was well aware the doctor said not to disturb him, so sat in the chair and sort of… followed his directions.

At this point, she had a handle on her powers so much that she could just enter the void simply by closing her eyes and focusing on it. The TV became background noise. The light didn’t bother her. It was just like falling asleep with the lights on, in a roundabout way.  

As soon as she padded across the shallow water of the void, something felt… off. Usually, she felt completely neutral here until she entered someone’s mind. This time it was different. Cautiously, she walked up to his hospital bed and went to reach for his hand. Before she made contact, his eyes flung open. He grabbed her arm with a tight grip and pulled her down closer to his level. His eyes bore right into hers, streaks of red brightened his dark brown irises. “No,” he said forcefully.

Immediately she opened her eyes, her chest heaving from whatever she just witnessed. She looked over at Eddie who was still peacefully sleeping. This was something that had never happened before. It was as if something else was there. Something else that didn’t want her seeing into Eddie’s mind. 

He began to stir and slowly started to wake up. His eyes fluttered open and when he glanced to the right, he softly smiled. “Hey,” he whispered groggily.

Kat flew out of the chair and to his side. She gripped his hand tightly like if she let go he would disappear forever. “Hey, hi!” she murmured gently. “Are you in pain? Do you need anything?”

“Just you to be here with me.”

She leaned over and kissed his forehead. “I’m here.”

“Wait, they didn’t cut my hair did they?”

“No,” Kat laughed at how well she knew him. “You didn’t need brain surgery. Which is surprising considering how dumb you are!”

“Ah, here we go,” he chuckled. 

“I can’t believe you! After everything I told you! Sometimes running is okay, you know! Jesus. You scared the shit outta me. I almost fucking lost you. For good. For forever! Oh my god, and Dustin! Dustin had to see the whole thing. Poor Dustin.”

“You good? Got that outta your system?”

“I– Yeah. Just… don’t fucking die again, okay?”

“Not planning on it, but hey anything can–” he started to tease, but cut himself off when Kat shot daggers at him with the look on her face. “Yeah, no, definitely not planning on it. Um, how did I, uh, get here?”

“I called my Uncle and he got you airlifted here. It’s like Hawkins Lab 2.0. Supposedly minus the brainwashing and child experiments, but jury’s still out on that.”

“You what? You called the government? So, what the hell happens when we get outta here? Am I…” Eddie spoke so fast his words almost blended together.

Kat shook her head. “No. They’re gonna take care of it. We might have to stay with El in some cabin for a bit until they get us our place, but we’re going back to Hawkins after this. And my Uncle assured me we’d be well taken care of. Both of us. Eddie, this was the safest route. The doctors over at NINA that were working with El are also working with everyone here. We’re safe.”

“Great, so we’ll basically be under witness protection or some shit?”

“Why is this bothering you so much?”

“I just want my life back,” Eddie muttered.

“In time, babe, in time. Maybe. Who knows. Vecna still might destroy the world and we did all of this for nothing,” she shrugged. 

“Can’t we, like, run away to California or something? Stay at one of your parent’s houses or some shit?”

Kat shook her head solemnly. “I need to be in Hawkins. This isn’t over.”

“Yeah,” he snorted. “It’s not. Hey, does Wayne know I’m…alive?”

“I have no idea. I’m not even sure if it’s safe for him to know. We can ask?”

Eddie just nodded and stared at whatever was on the TV. Kat furrowed her brow, debating if she wanted to ask this question now, but why wait when it would just gnaw at her? “Hey, Eddie, can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“Do you remember anything from… um, anything about–”

“Dying? No,” he answered curtly. “And I don’t wanna talk about it.”

His tone took her off guard. He never spoke to her like that. And that’s how she knew he was lying. Her theory was proving to be correct. Something was definitely off. A knock on the door interrupted, or rather saved, Kat from coming up with a response.

The doctor gave them both a run down of his status and confirmed his release for the next day, after testing out his mobility. He struggled, but was mobile. They were just mere hours away from an actual peaceful rest. Hopefully.

~~~~~

Another helicopter landed atop the Knight Ridge building while Eddie and Kat were waiting for their ride back to Hawkins. Eddie had returned to his normal self. Or at least, he didn’t act weird like he did the day before. The couple leaned against an expensive looking black car with the darkest tinted windows. Eventually, Agent Stinson finally emerged from the building with another man and woman in tow. 

“Chief Hopper?” Eddie asked.

“Munson?”

“You two know each other? Oh, what am I saying? It’s Hawkins, of course they know each other,” Kat mumbled to herself. 

“Hi, I’m Joyce Byers,” a woman with auburn hair and the kindest, sweetest smile Kat had ever seen held out her hand.

“Hi, I’m Kat Ramsay, nice to meet you. Byers? You must be Will’s mom?”

“Yes! You know Will?”

“We know of him. Eddie is, well, was the DM for the D&D club at the high school. Dustin and Mike would always talk about him and El. You both seem like wonderful people, I’m so happy she found you guys after getting away from that prison of a lab,” Kat rolled her eyes at the thought of it. 

“You know El?” Hopper asked. He had a shaved head and the start of a beard. He looked like he was practically skin and bones under his baggy clothes. 

“Very well. I was, uh, number Ten at the lab.”

“Come on, we can catch everybody up to speed on the way there,” Stinson said, urging everyone to get in the car.

When they finally got to the secluded cabin, Kat had heard all about the Russians involvement with the Upside Down and how Joyce went all the way there to save Hopper. They also told her about how they destroyed particles from the Mind Flayer and demogorgons at Kamchatka prison to help give them an upper hand. From there, Kat filled them in on everything that had happened the past week.

As they reached their destination, Stinson sighed. “I thought you said this place was livable?”

“Well it was, but I’ve sort of been in a Russian prison. Haven’t been able to keep up the place.”

“We’ll send a crew out. I’ll give you all some time. I’ll be back later to take you all someplace in the meantime.”

Everyone left a chorus of ‘thank you’s to her as they got out of the car. Mike and what Kat assumed to be Will, ran to Joyce, followed by another boy that was with Nancy. She presumed that to be Jonathan, her boyfriend… for now at least. Kat would do her best to keep her comment to herself. She noticed another boy with very long, dark hair holding up a mushroom, like he’d found gold. Nancy ran up to Kat and gave her a hug.

“Oh my god, Nancy, you’re alive!” Kat exclaimed. “Did Robin and Steve make it out too? How’s Dustin? What about Max and Lucas and Erica?” 

“Yeah, our group made it out alive. Lucas beat the shit out of Jason, you would have been so impressed. He also didn’t make it through the earthquake…”

“Good riddance to him. Sorry, too soon?”

Nancy just shook her head and chuckled. “Erica is okay. Lucas has been at the hospital with Max–”

“Max is alive?!”

“Barely, she’s in a coma. The doctors aren’t even sure how she’s still alive.” 

Kat looked over at Eddie and then saw El emerge from the cabin with Hopper. “I think I do,” she whispered before she ran over to El and wrapped her in a huge hug. “Oh my god, El, are you okay? How are you?”

“I am great,” she said as she beamed at Hopper. “I am happy you’re here, Kat.”

Kat was formally introduced to everyone. When Eddie met Will for the first time, they stared at each other. It was only for a few seconds. No one else but Kat noticed. She was the only one watching him like a hawk for anything out of the ordinary. The exchange made her stomach flip. 

As everyone was mingling, a sudden chill went down Kat’s spin. At the same time, she saw Will reach for the back of his neck. Him and Eddie exchanged quick nods, before Will turned around to look up at the sky. Dark, ominous clouds were rolling in. Thunder rumbled and particles began to fall from the sky, exactly like ones that floated around the Upside Down. Will had grown visibly anxious, his breaths becoming short and shallow. Eddie stared up at the sky, biting his lip and tapping his fingers on the side of his leg. Telltale signs whatever was happening made him anxious too. From what Kat understood, besides herself and El, Will also had a connection to the Upside Down and to Vecna. 

Together, they walked through the woods to a nearby field that cascaded down the hillside. The bottom half of it, closest to town, was rotten and decaying. Everything was covered with fuzzy film, like mold almost that puffed and spread with it was touched. Everyone stopped in their tracks, overwhelmed with the view in front of them. 

El kept going to where the vegetation had died. She picked up a dead flower and examined it. Kat walked with her and knew she had seen this somewhere before. She bent down to examine it all more closely.

“This looks like how the pumpkin patch did…” she noted, looking up at El who looked at her with a forlorn expression and solemnly nodded. 

Everyone looked out over Hawkins. Plumes and pillars of smoke reached up to the clouds. The biggest one was in the center of town, where all four gates met. The same red lighting that they all saw in the Upside Down was right in front of them. Anger and determination took over El’s features. Kat stood up and looked back at Eddie. He wouldn’t take his eyes off the tornado-like columns of smoke. As she followed his gaze, fury started to rumble inside of her. 

Vecna wasn’t going to take Eddie away from her. Not again. The battle might be over, but the war had only just begun.

previous chapter | the end

A/N: If you’ve made it this far, you have my undying gratitude. If you’ve liked, commented, or rebloogged, even if you’ve only read one chapter, thank you. I appreciate anyone who’s taken time out of their day to read any parts of my writing. If you’ve been here since the beginning of Foolin’, I just cannot thank you enough. I wanted to give Eddie the ending he deserved and ending up creating a bad ass OC in the process. I’m still amazed I was able to see their story through to completion. Kat and Eddie will always have a place in my heart and I hope they will in yours too. Til next time!

[schmergo]

Maybe a unpopular opinion these days, but ceremonies are important to me.

When I was planning my wedding, I noticed a trend of people wanting the least ceremony or shortest ceremony possible. Get the vows over and done with and then focus all the planning on the reception. I enjoy attending weddings like that, but for me, the wedding ceremony was the most important part. I wanted every detail of it to be meaningful and personal. It was about 35 minutes long, which I don’t think of as insanely long, but it wasn’t just the bare bones, either. 

I did maybe feel a little guilt about that because the prevailing attitude I’ve heard from many other couples is that they don’t want ‘all the fuss’ over them or people to have to sit and pay attention to a boring long ceremony. I think ceremonies are seen as old-fashioned.

I’ve also heard similar attitudes about funerals. “I don’t want anyone to make a fuss over me. Just put me in a box. Just donate me to science. I don’t want anyone spending time crying over me. Why would I want a big ceremony? I’m dead.”

I totally think that both weddings and funerals are industries with hyper-inflated pricing and with too many cultural expectations to spend a ton of money. But for me, the areas that feel excessive to me aren’t in the ceremonies themselves. 

I’m someone who deals weirdly with change sometimes. When my family moved from the house I lived in for 17 years growing up, it was a difficult adjustment for me. Starting college was a difficult adjustment for me. Moving out of my parents’ house for good was a hard transition, too, even though I was really excited about it. I had trouble sleeping for months. Heck, even closing night of a show I’ve been rehearsing for months tends to be hard on me. And I’ve noticed that when big life changes happen to me, sometimes it takes a long time to fully accept them. I’ll wake up thinking I’m in a different home, or I’ll think about getting in touch with someone only to remember they’re no longer alive.

 I did not have that problem with the transition to being married because there was so much time dealing with the preparations, planning, and ceremony that I felt very present that day and had fully absorbed what this next step in my life would mean to me.

To me, even if you don’t have a religious tradition you practice, ceremonies are a way to make sure you stay present in the moment and absorb its meaning, which is helpful to me as someone who’s often kind of zoned out and thinking about a zillion things at once. They’re a way to officially mark life changes, a pre-determined turning point. They mean you’re sharing the same experience with many other people rather than just coming to terms with it on its own. Weddings help you re-conceptualize a person or people you know as part of a new family. Funerals help you re-conceptualize a person you know as having moved on from the world. Heck, even the weird little rituals surrounding midnight on New Year’s are a way to refocus and conceptualize the year ahead.

My favorite YouTube channel is Ask a Mortician. I think the host of the channel, who is a big advocate for personal choice surrounding death and what happens to our bodies after death, is a really inspiring personality and someone who’s made me think a lot more deeply about some of the big transitions that are generally seen as the biggest and scariest of all: end of life. Watching her videos while planning my wedding WHILE during a pandemic definitely made me think about the Other Major Ceremony, not in an anxious and foreboding way but in a thoughtful way.

When I do die, I do want a funeral. I do want a ceremony. I want people to be able to have a shared space to process their feelings. I want people to gather and take time to think about my life and think about what things will look like moving forward. I personally want people to have allotted time set aside to accept and understand that I am not around anymore instead of trying to do that by themselves. I don’t think it needs to be expensive or lavish, and I don’t want a lot of money spent on it, but I do want some time spent on it.

I have no problem with people who don’t need ceremonies to process these things. I think that’s cool and great. But I just wanted to speak up for those of us who do appreciate ceremony as a sort of shared ritual to process transitions. I don’t think you’re boring or self-indulgent or overly superstitious if those things are meaningful to you. There are DOZENS of us!

[faebhaal]

🎲 for Gorty? :)

@juramentum | 35. A kiss against a wall

Parties were always a thing she's enjoyed, which may come as a surprise to some. But in her line of work balls, get togethers, galas and more were some of the best, if not most entertaining, places to commit mass murder --- it always felt like a fairytale; like a dream of painting white roses red.

So when he asks her to go with him to some stuffy soiree, she accepts happily. Of course it's business as usual, with her more than likely just playing the role of guard dog understandably so. She needs him alive and well for their ever-growing schemes. And it's a good excuse for a bit of fun anyways. At worst and least likely, she's just an accessory for the night.

Father isn't too thrilled; that she can tell from the prickling in the back of her skull. Maybe it's because she's yet to make her tenday quota. Unlikely. And either way she'll have to make it right after all is said and done. For now, she gets Sceleritas to style her hair, synch up the corset of her dress, and polish the bit of jewelry she's picked out.

It's a good thing the aspiring Lord Tyrant has brought her (and by extension a handful of her underlings) with him. Ithaca's already had to deal with two goblets of so obviously poisoned wine; placed back on the drink trays of random servants. What a fun roulette it will be to see who gets them this time.

Otherwise, she plays the part well, blending in with high society fuckers. Whether it's from her experience of leading a cult, the natural charm that comes with part of her heritage or even her genuine personality is debatable.

At one point, Ithaca does make him dance with her just the once. It's partially for shits and giggles, but also gives her a good scope of the room. Easily she can spot her disguised assassins, exchanging unnoticeable signals with them. Interestingly, she catches on particular patriar glaring daggers at Gortash. It's not the first time tonight that snob has sent such menacing looks their way. "You should give me an estimate of how many people you piss off on a daily basis." She teases.

Once the song is done, discreetly she pulls him along with her out into a hallway where she's seen a lack of life go to and fro. Yet once there, their hushed words are soon to be interrupted. "Play along," Ithaca whispers.

Against the wall she rests, drawing him as close to her as possible. With little effort she hikes a leg up around his waist and guides his hand to her thigh. It looks sensual, yet it's practical. His hand is in perfect reach of the hidden dagger strapped there. As voices and footsteps grow louder, Ithaca brings Gortash down and in for a kiss. Her arms snake around his neck, her body flushed against his. It's a calculated move to place them both at an angle where their features are hidden.

It's passionate, though softer than how she would normally perform such an act. Tongue runs along his bottom lip while teeth gently nibble. They stay like that till the obnoxiously loud sounds of a gaggle of drunken, noble women fades away, leaving them with silence.

Ithaca can't help but smirk up at him. "You're not too bad of a kisser." she giggles. "You taste delicious, I will say." His hand is removed as they separate, while a few centimeters of space is put between them. He might not be too happy about her last minute plan, however; sometimes you have to employ whatever means necessary, even to be hidden in plain sight. Better safe than sorry.

"You should let me escort you home tonight. I don't think one of your lil friends is thrilled that you still draw breath. Gods know how many others want your head on a platter."

[captain-grammar]

Have you ever had an MRI scan? No?

Well, let me paint you a little picture.

First of all, you have to fill in a questionnaire. An ENDLESS questionnaire. Have you had a pace-maker fitted? Is there remaining shrapnel in your body from a bomb? Are you wearing magnetic eyelashes? Date of your last period? Inside leg measurement? Mother's maiden name?

Yes, I made the last two up but honestly, at what point does "we don't want to break you or our machine" become "tacitly data-mining in preparation for bank fraud"?

A technician or a nurse will ask if you're wearing an underwired bra. You'll delight them by informing them that you read your appointment letter and are, in fact, wearing a metal-free bralet. You'll get a canula plummed into your arm so they can inject contrast - something that they failed to mention when they made the appointment - and, if you're anything like me, be informed that you're handling the needle better than a rugby player who came in previously. Apparently he flinched and squirmed, which essentially means I'm signing up for the next 6 Nations. (Wing, please and thank you. I'm surprisingly spry.)

Then the machine. Whoooo buddy. While yes, the opportunity to lie down with a comfy prop under your legs at the ripe old age of 30-something would ordinarily be an absolute treat, the machine...

Imagine you're at a rave. The heaviest of industrial, bass-ripe raves. Volume is not a concern of anyone in attendance; the building is empty and rickety and the sound causes the metal joists to vibrate. There are pneumatic drills, trucks and diggers kicking into gear on the dance floor. An oversized, dial-up internet modem, circa 1995, joins the din, forming a perfect duet with the most rickety of printers that screams to life as though protesting. Then a fax machine turns up, just as irritated at being dragged out as you are to have it there. A tumble dryer filled with hammers is thrown in for good measure because why the hell not? They all whack the volume up to 11, break the nob off and assault your eardrums.

It's like that for a grand total of 35 minutes with little respite.

At least at a rave you can dance. But in the Tube of Many Noises, you have no choice but to lie still, as if you were evading the attention of a particularly mardy t-rex.

Maybe two-thirds of the way through, my regularly scheduled ear-ache is interrupted for the contrast injection. It felt like nothing going in. I tasted the saline they used to check all was a-okay more than I tasted whatever they pumped into me. What I did feel was a warming flush in the downstairs never-you-mind region. Interesting experience. Probably wouldn't recommend.

More scans. More noise. Ten minutes left. The boredom begins to set in. I wondered if I could have requested a podcast, or if they'd be open to popping a Kindle or something in the screen I'm too short to be able to see properly beneath the table they placed over my chest.

Then you're done. Ushered out to have your canula removed and pushed blinking into the bright lights of the waiting room as you struggle to come to because honestly, that leg thing was a revelation and you could have quite happily napped were it not for the noise.

I must try and find one for home.

[misscammiedawn]

Personal post - I lost an evening to a gray haze caused by my therapist yeeting me into a fire full of tumultuous emotions yesterday and I want to rant about it.

One thing that really annoys me about traditional Talk Therapy is the assumption of a continuity based narrative journey through therapy.

Ups and downs, there's always the path forward. To better.

I have told my therapist, who I require to maintain my alliance with for surgical reasons, that this doesn't work for me and have done the introspection and reading as to why. Yesterday I lost my temper and yelled at them for a good 35 minutes because we have had this conversation 4 times now and it always goes back to Patient Lead Therapy.

The issue, as I see it, is that in any given moment I am **CERTAIN** of my values, beliefs and drives. So when we talk about them in therapy I will engage actively and perform MY SIDE of the therapeutic alliance like a good mentally ill girl. But the issue is, my mood changes, my thoughts and opinions slide and suddenly I am not even concerned about the thing that caught me for 2 months, we're on to a new obsession and emotional permeance doesn't even let me remember what it was I was so proud of or angry about last month. I know I performed the actions, I know I was "writing for a project" or "upset that I hurt a friend's feelings" but I no longer identify with the person going through that and it can be frustrating. Because I liked how I felt when I was writing every day and now I cannot summon that energy or emotion and it makes me feel worthless.

I would hope a therapist who cared and understood the condition would try to find the root of these breakdowns that cause the sense of self and priorities to shift and try to map out ways to either stop it or identify it so we have a better roadmap to understand our condition.

My therapist would focus on the word "worthless" and say "...it makes you feel worthless...?" and we'll spend another $260 talking about my EPHEMERAL AND IN THE MOMENT emotion which is neither the problem nor a roadblock to my life.

It feels like paying $1000 a month for a personal trainer who you expect to hold you accountable for what days you're supposed to work on what body part, what weight is effective for your body type and experience, teach you how to use the equipment and educate you on how these exercises need to be maintained, when to rest, what to avoid eating etc.

And instead you get a person who just spots you and counts your reps. No guidance on what to use, no education on the way the body works, no telling you when working the legs 14 days in a row might yield diminishing returns.

Just someone who will watch you to make sure you don't pin yourself under a weight that's too heavy and will tell you when time's up.

I'm just...

I'm sick of being sick. I'm sick of struggling to tell my PAID PROFESSIONAL that I do not experience continuity of experience in the way a neurotypical person does and LITERALLY AM INCAPABLE OF LEADING THIS PROCESS. I need structure. Accountability. Defense against my brain's gleeful joy at being able to distract a session for 50 minutes to avoid talking about the proper things.

I once saw a seminar on Carl Rogers therapy where the speaker joked "if you get a narcissist then you're set for life, they'll come in week after week happy to just talk about themselves and fill an hour of your schedule." and fuck it haunts me.

On some level, whether it be delusional paranoia, blinding rage or terror-- I think of that when I see my mental health journey ally.

Someone who is satisfied to KEEP me distracted so I keep paying week after week. Which is likely not true, but my horrible goblin brain won't stop whispering it to me and suggesting ways of punishing them for it.

...god I hate mental healthcare so much.

[voraciousvore]

Big Corp Inc. (35/43)

***This chapter contains vore and non-consensual sexual contact!***

Chapter 35: Stomach and Loins

Mr. Hardon had difficulty focusing on anything the CEO said in the meeting while Candy was squirming around inside his digestive system. She couldn’t seem to calm down, despite being trapped for hours. He was amazed how he could feel even her most subtle movements, when she paced around, sat down, or leaned up against his stomach walls. She had mercurial moments where she would beat up his stomach lining with her teeny fists and feet. Her volatile fits didn’t hurt at all for the Giant, though. He loved the sensation of her frenzied little bumps, like an internal massage. She made the meeting a lot more enjoyable. 

Mr. Wolfe droned on about sales, about trending products, about new clients and markets. He showed charts and graphs and went over the essential guts of the business, profits and losses. Truthfully, Mr. Hardon didn’t care about most of this nonsense. He enjoyed his nice cushy office job in management and he mostly kept his position by sucking up to the CEO, not by being competent. His eyes began to glaze over with boredom. 

Inside his belly, Candy was undergoing the worst experience of her life. She’d rather be locked in the closet with a million giant spiders swarming over her, or marinating in Ronny’s coffee all day, than be trapped inside Mr. Hardon’s stomach. It was hot, wet, uncomfortable, rancid, and disgusting. Minutes dragged on like hours. She hated being in total pitch-black darkness, although she had to admit she wasn’t sure if she would be any better off seeing her dripping meat prison in all its red, revolting glory. However, her lack of sight accentuated all the gross sounds of Mr. Hardon’s innards: the grotesque rumbling of his stomach, his throbbing heartbeat, the wind tunnel of his lungs, fluids flowing, the squelching and popping of his muscles and joints and organs shifting. Her sense of touch was enhanced as well, but everything felt the same: slippery, mushy, warm, and saturated with fluid. Candy felt like she was stuck in a soul-sucking dream, her sanity slowly seeping away. 

Mr. Hardon kept an eye on his watch, since he didn’t want to digest Candy. After the exquisite pleasure he had experienced with her alive inside him, he wanted to make sure she stayed intact so he could eat her again, as many times as he wanted. When the three-hour mark approached, he alerted Mr. Wolfe so he could demonstrate how the ingested human would be removed. The individual kits the company sold for consumer use came with an acid-proof rope with a light at the end that the Giant would swallow to fish the human out of his belly.  

Candy slipped deeper into the lake of acid as Mr. Hardon’s body lurched around her when he stood up. She listened as Mr. Hardon explained what he was doing to the Giant managers, his baritone voice resounding through his guts. She was desperate to get out and shifted on her feet impatiently, sinking into the wrinkly stomach lining. Finally, his voice went quiet and she heard him swallowing. 

Light entered her eyes, from a floating spark like a firefly, painful after being in crushing blackness for so long. Candy beheld with horror the churning pink viscera around her as she grabbed the rope like her life depended on it. The levitating luminescence rose up, bringing Candy with it. She cringed and squeezed her eyes shut as she experienced the familiar compression of wet flesh encasing her tightly on all sides through the long tunnel of the Giant’s esophagus. She was so miserable, she wanted to cry. She had undergone so much torture already, for so long, and this last bit just made it all so much worse. She needed to get out, now. 

Her plea was granted, as she was ripped out of his large throat, slapping his uvula on the way out. She was dragged across his tongue and banged her elbow and shin on his teeth as he removed her from his mouth. She slid across his lips and was momentarily blinded by the bright light, and stunned by the chill, of the exterior world. Mr. Hardon slopped her onto the big table in a puddle of gastric fluids, and she reflexively curled up on her side and silently wept. As she gradually overcame the shock of her experience and her eyes adjusted to the light, she became aware that she was back in the conference room. Mr. Hardon was rambling on about something, but Candy couldn’t understand anything he was saying. She wanted to crawl into a secluded corner and process her suffering in privacy, but instead she was out on public display. All those Giant men, the corporate executives in fancy suits, were gawking at her, observing her shame, the dreadful, lowly, pathetic state she was in. She was mortified. They loomed over her, making her feel small and insignificant, without a shred of pity or remorse for her plight.  

She covered her face with her hands and tried to block it all out. She tried to imagine she was with Martin instead, or secure in the comfort of her old apartment, but the feeling of the hard table on her side and the fluids drenching her body forced her into stark reality. She shook with tempestuous emotions. She felt a whirlwind of despair, rage, abhorrence, and shame that she couldn’t control. She was so overwhelmed, she hardly noticed when a set of Giant hands encapsulated her, lifting her off the table and carrying her away. 

The next thing she knew, she was being doused in water from a sink faucet. She flinched from the unexpected deluge but didn’t bother to get up. She was too broken. She lay in the Giant hand listlessly and allowed the water to flow over her. Huge fingers lathered her all over with soap to clean the acid off her skin, so she wouldn’t get burned. The hands dried her off with a towel as well. She figured it must be Mr. Hardon handling her, but she didn’t care anymore. She felt betrayed and disgusted. She didn’t want to talk to him or even look at him. She just wanted to be left alone. 

Unfortunately for Candy, she wouldn’t get her wish. Mr. Hardon wasn’t done with her yet. He had no room for sympathy in his heart of stone. Devouring her had been very satisfying, far more so than he had even imagined, but he hadn’t sated all of his desires yet. He still had another fantasy of his that he desired to live out, and indeed had been obsessing over for a long time. Considering he had already done his worst, he figured he had no reason to hold himself back now. If she finally gave up and quit, they would be getting new human employees to replace her. He didn’t like the idea of losing her, since he believed she belonged to him, but there was little he could do if she chose to never come back. He stared down at the tiny woman in the palm of his hand, who refused to look back at him. She appeared to be too devastated by her latest experience to resist him. He grinned, flashing his teeth, as he realized this was the perfect opportunity. He brought her up close to his mouth. She recoiled when she felt his breath on her skin, terrified of going back inside his belly.  

“You’re going to be good and obedient for the rest of the day. If you try to resist, or embarrass me in the meeting, I will crush you in my hand. Understand?” he hissed at her. Candy was too scared of the Giant and defeated to answer. Mr. Hardon was horrible, but he had never threatened physical harm on her before like that, and she had no doubt he was serious. Her only response was a shiver, but that was good enough for Mr. Hardon to know she heard his threat. With his other hand, he started to unbuckle his pants, moving quickly with unbridled lust. Candy didn’t realize what he was doing until the noise prompted her to stir from her position and look below, over the edge of the platform of his hand. The Giant pulled open the waistband of his pants and underwear. 

“No!” Candy shrieked in horror, but her protest went unheeded as the Giant stuffed her in his pants and buckled his belt again so she couldn’t climb out. Her small body, still slightly damp from being rinsed off in the sink, wriggled frantically against his junk, stimulating him. He was already rock-hard from having her in his belly, but her additional movements inflamed his sexual desire even more and got his blood flowing to his extremity. Candy tried to kick him like she did before, but she wasn’t wearing her sharp heels this time so it didn’t hurt him as much. He gripped his gigantic hand around her through the fabric of his pants in a warning, to remind her that he could easily smother or crush her. She froze up, realizing the danger she was in. He released her and she quieted down. 

Once Mr. Hardon was assured she wouldn’t try anything reckless, he returned to the conference room as though nothing had happened, and he didn’t have a tiny woman stuffed down his pants. It was lunchtime, and Mr. Wolfe had ordered catering for all the executives. Now that Mr. Hardon no longer had a human in his stomach, he felt hollow inside, so he sat down to eat and converse with his coworkers. The other Giant executives had been blown away by his product demonstration and had all sorts of questions for him. Mr. Hardon ate his food serenely, leaning back in his chair and basking in the recognition of all his hard work as he answered their questions. He felt fantastic. 

Meanwhile, Candy was in repulsive misery again. As if being eaten for hours wasn’t abominable enough, now she was trapped in the stuffy, musky confines of Mr. Hardon’s underwear, pressed against his hot, bare, mildly sweaty skin. Against her will, she was straddling his enormous, erect, pulsing sausage with her legs as if riding a horse, and she had nowhere to go, no means to escape. Above all, even more so than her substantial revulsion and nausea, she was terrified. She had previously assumed Mr. Hardon wouldn’t be so savage as to hurt her, but now she seriously doubted that belief. If she disobeyed him, he could squash her into mush with a simple squeeze of his Giant hand.  

After lunch, the meeting resumed. Mr. Hardon was enjoying it a lot more with Candy secretly stashed away in his pleasure center. She was very uncomfortable and kept shifting on his penis, arousing him further. He wished she would jerk him off, but she stubbornly refused, even when he found the opportunity to poke her with his finger. He didn’t want to make it too obvious what he was doing, since he was inhabiting a public space and couldn’t be grabbing at his own groin.  

Nevertheless, he still found extraordinary satisfaction, not only with the physical sensations but his power and control over Candy. He wanted her to belong to him, to be with him and nobody else, especially not her lover Martin. He realized, if he were honest with himself, that he wouldn’t want to settle for another human female, even a pretty and sexy one. There was something about Candy that was different, that drew him to her like a moth to a flame. He liked her more than any of the Giantesses, or really any other woman he had met. She was... small. Delicious. Cute. Pure and innocent, yet also surprisingly brave and resilient, in a way that was admirable. His heart beat faster when he thought about her. Why? 

He didn’t want to accept his deeper feelings, so he denied the truth. He doubled down on his lustful, gluttonous, sinful urges. He wouldn’t hold back anymore. He wouldn’t let her quit either; she couldn’t escape from him, any more than she could escape his pants. He decided that he would use her emotions against her, to manipulate and ensnare her. She wasn’t bright or clever enough to disentangle herself from his clutches. She was caught, and doomed to the path that she had chosen for herself, without knowing it. 

As the meeting drew to a close, Candy started to wonder if Mr. Hardon was on some sort of pill too, perhaps a small blue one. He hadn’t relented in hours. She was exhausted, stressed, depressed, and scared. The Giant stood up, and Candy had no choice but to hold on to his meat, lest she fall down into a worse position. She flopped around, hitting his inner thighs as he walked. She felt a drop as he went down the elevator to the third floor. She sighed. Hopefully her abysmal day would be over soon. 

As Mr. Hardon went to his office, he was surprised to find Martin waiting for him. Martin seemed to deflate when he noticed his boss didn’t have his girl with him. “Where’s Candy?” he asked. 

Mr. Hardon felt Candy shift on his crotch at the sound of Martin’s voice. Thinking fast on his feet, he replied, “Candy’s not here. I escorted her to the railway station already.” He coughed loudly to mask Candy’s exclamations of protest as he rushed into his office, shutting the door behind him. Martin sighed with disappointment and left for the day, unaware of Mr. Hardon’s despicable lies. 

Chapter 36

Chapter 1

[scoups4lyfe]

Bipolar Essay Extra #4

A solid a$$ explanation of BD from Ian:

So, to add in some of my own experience here, I'll put in some of my journal entries, and then go a little in-depth:

[Friday, June 3rd 2022]

(20:54 — 8:54 PM) 

Oh, great. The insanity is back. 

Now, this type of insanity is hard to describe. Just…wired energy. Like anxious energy spazzing through me like I just took 9 shots of caffeine.” 

(End of entry.)

My thoughts:

Okay--so I still vividly remember the energy. Ian said there's so much energy, so much ideas, and that it gets to a point where you start losing sanity, and that's the point I was at. I just had all this energy inside of me, my mind was going 200 miles a minute but with 3 different voices, my hands were trembling, and I couldn't do anything because the energy was too my mortal coil to handle 🤪.

...

[September 15th 2022 — Thursday, 2:24 AM. ]

Currently fvcking tripping right now. I don’t think my mood stabilizers are doing the thing that they should be doing. Like I am out of my mind right now. I feel inSANE. Not bad-insane yet, but I know I’m going to have trouble sleeping. I….want to write and draw and watch Donbrothers but all this energy doesn’t want to do any of this. Like for some reason I want to go out running and screaming maybe, like I could jog five miles— but? This energy does not want to write or draw or watch sh*t or liveblog. It’s frustrating, but I can’t even be frustrated? Because my mood is just elevated lol. I feel fvcking crazy right now. 

The Moodswings movie (part 1) for this album [DPR Ian’s] is…something I greatly relate to. I see myself in that video. That’s me. Dude, it’s like looking through a mirror. Damn, it just reminded me of how shaky I was like a month ago when my thoughts wouldn’t stop racing and I felt like I was spiraling out of control at work. Dude that sh*t was hard. Right now I feel good, but I know this high isn’t….normal lol. These last few days have been somewhat like this, but this is the most energized and elated  I feel. To the point that I can’t even get upset. Like, yoINks. 

[End of entry]

Bro I hit that euphoric mania and got lost in the sauce And --warning ahead, the next entry I'm putting under this one was when I was deep into that euphoric mania. You can tell too cause my thoughts are all over the place.

[October 3rd, 2022]

Monday, 5:35 PM 

Too Much, Too Much, All at Once, ah FvCK

Everything is glowing. Like all the light sources are especially bright and so it’s hard to focus on any one thing because all this light is shining at me and my eyes are going in and out of focus. Right now I can’t stare at the computer screen. I can’t focus on it, it’s like my eyes start seeing everything in this room at once, and it’s all so bright, and I can’t think when it’s like this. Tomorrow is trash pick up day, so I finally got the garbage out of my room and …now there is a lot more space— fvck. I feel like I’m trembling but it’s not my body—maybe just my eyes. 

Man trying to gesture draw like this is going to be real sh*tty I can already tell. 

Uh, I hope this entry is coherent, I don’t feel very coherent right now. Just zazzed.  

I got a tab up, “Guide to Mental Health Acronyms,” because I want to finally know and remember what the fvckin acronym for “bipolar disorder” is. BitJazz borderline personality making everything all complicated. (Damn, mfer I am TRIPPING.) 

[6:12 PM]  WhOOPS—sorry, y’all. Got distracted texting J (and then this other acquaintance). Though all I’m inclined to text rn is just nonsense gibberish, occasionally in a nonsense rhyme scheme, and featuring a few thrown in completely-made-up words that just feel right. Man, on tumblr today — I was on the manic depression tag — I saw a post talking about grandeur delusions, but their delusions were “the belief that I could finally change for the better, start eating healthy everyday, working out everyday, cooking and cleaning everyday” and I was like—

Damn, holmes! I guess I was more fvcked outta my mind then I thought. (I remember, idk how many weekends ago, having that same exact thought process and feeling because DAMN was I capable in that moment—ah. )

[6:28 PM] 

Sorry—was texting an acquaintance again. Wanted to share the above meme, and so I sent it once, and then a few texts later I sent it again. (Because it makes me laugh, LOL!!!!) Anyways, when I read tha— I need to get myself some more multivitamins lest I evaporate and die. 

FVCK

[6:40 PM] 

Damn I wish I could read. Right, right—that tab with the Mental Health Acronyms thing. Riiiiight. The Mental Health Acronyms tab ,,, the tab involving mental Health Acro— 

(lol) 

[8:28 PM] 

I’ve done some gesture drawing. Decided to move the 30 second timer (since I’ve done 70 drawings with it) to 2 minutes. My mind is fireworks. AAhhHHHHLHH;hhHH. Just read a tumblr post that said, “Being manic is feeling stuck in a perpetual loop of vertigo” and yah. I’ll drink to that bro. (LOL). 

I just found the perfect description. (Found, in my own thoughts, that is.) Right now, what I’m experiencing is like if I put on those red+blue 3-D glasses at the movie theater, except it's not red or blue, just light and so now I’m tripping tf outta my mind. 

(Unrelated) But a solid description of how I’ve been with my money these last like 5 months, literally the equivalent of: “Wow! I spent $50 on buttons in a variety of colors because I saw them and thought, ‘aw those are such cute little fkin buttons! I can place them all over my house and every time I see one I’ll be filled with immense joy because they’re just so fkin cuteeeeeeeeeee.’ And then when the buttons arrive being like, “What the fvck???/ What tHE FVCK?????” But then buying $50 more like 2 weeks later. 

Absolutely, 3 billion percent embarrassing behavior.

[End of entry excerpt ....it goes on for much longer LOL]

Anyways, I think these do a good job of showing what the mind of someone going through a manic episode is like--constantly switching thoughts, getting distracted, not all coherent, yada yada yada.

PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6]

PPT Essay Extras: (1), (2), (3), (4)

Visuals of a Depressive Episode: (1), (2)

Journal Entries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

[Prev]. [Next]

[kilosch]

Journal Entry: 10/21/24

Early Start & Preparation: Woke up bright and early today at 0530. Thanks to my prep the night before, I had everything ready to go—coffee, energy drink, proper clothing, and all the essentials. I hopped in my car and headed to Huntington Beach for my first day of PC 832 training at Golden West College. The drive was about 35 minutes for 21 miles, which wasn’t too bad. I arrived around 0640, parked, took a breather, and paid for parking.

First Impressions – 'I Made It': Walking up to the Regional Criminal Justice Training Center felt surreal. The massive sign out front hit me—"Damn, I made it." As I walked through the hallways, I saw displays of academy history, uniforms, and old equipment. It gave me a real sense of pride and perspective. Knowing the legacy of officers who trained here before me gave me a boost of confidence.

Meeting the Instructors & Classmates: The instructors for the course—Ramos, Pratt, and Carchula—were all retired law enforcement officers, each bringing tons of experience. Ramos had even worked for ABC (Alcoholic Beverage Control), which I didn’t realize was a law enforcement agency. It was cool hearing their stories, especially how Huntington Beach PD operates, and seeing their passion for the job.

Physical Training – Mat Work & Take Downs: We kicked things off on the mat floor, where we went through warm-ups, stretching routines, and exercises to get us ready for the day. We learned the fundamentals of handcuffing, searching, escorting, and take-down maneuvers. The take-downs were definitely the most intense—feeling the pain and adrenaline of throwing and being thrown was crazy.

Throughout the drills, I kept thinking about the importance of mastering these skills for real-world situations. It was a reminder that physical fitness will be just as critical as my knowledge once I make it to the police academy.

Students from All Over California: We each had ID badges pinned to our chests, listing our names and whether we were a sponsored student. I added “Department of State Hospitals” to mine, and it was interesting to see the variety of agencies represented. There were officers from Orange County Medical Examiners, Manhattan Beach PD, California Corrections, and surprisingly, the California Department of Public Health (who knew they had a law enforcement division?).

Our class had a total of 13 students, all from various agencies across the state. During the exercises, one of the instructors complimented me on my performance, which boosted my confidence, even though I still feel more comfortable with hands-on work than written exams. When Ramos asked why I needed PC 832 for State Hospitals, I explained how our officers hold Peace Officer powers, which seemed to surprise him.

The Drive Home – Sore but Satisfied: By the end of the day, everyone was exhausted. After hours of physical drills and take-downs, my body was aching, but it felt like a good kind of pain—progress. I left around 4 PM, and the drive home took about an hour, hopping on the 405 and then the 605.

Dinner & FOMO with Work: Once I got home, I made pancit with eggs and rice for dinner. It felt good to unwind with some comfort food after a long day. I know I should’ve just stayed offline since I’m officially out of the office (OOO) this week, but I couldn’t resist checking Teams—I get that FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) real bad.

I saw that some folks were headed to MLK Recuperative Care for an internal medication management meeting. Curious, I texted Lauren to see what was going on. She filled me in on the meeting and joked, asking why I was even online. I admitted to her, "Feeling FOMO." She wasn’t surprised.

Reflections & Mental State: Despite the exhaustion, I feel surprisingly good—no depressing thoughts today. Maybe it’s the sense of accomplishment, or maybe it’s just the distraction of diving into something new. I’ll need to wake up at 5:30 AM again tomorrow for another long day of training, but I’m determined to keep this momentum and pass PC 832 by Friday.

Let’s keep moving forward.