#it feels wonderful to draw her with my like.. grown up evolved skills

[saturnvs]

am overcome with nostalgia and i must draw her

[thetravelerwrites]

Dr. Maël Halvorg (Fae)

Rating: Teen Relationship: Male Part-Fae/Female Part Fae Additional Tags: Exophilia, Monster Boyfriend, Fae, Naga, Reader Insert, Anthropology, Genetics Content Warnings: Children, Pregnancy, Incubation, Infertility Words: 4723

A commission by @ivymemnoch​​! With Amai and Yenuno's children getting older, they need a teacher, and Amai calls a friend to help out. Please reblog and leave feedback!

The Traveler's Masterlist

“Amai, it’s great to hear from you!” You said, sitting back and sipping a coffee. You were typing up reports at your desk when she called. “God, it’s been forever since we last spoke. How are Yenuno and the children?”

You were surprised to get a call from your old friend while you were working overseas. You and Amai had gone to college together, and while she was getting a law degree in civil rights, you were studying anthropology. You were both in fields specializing in non-humans, which is why you were studying together.

There was a college that offered specific studies in exology, or the study of non-human sentient life, Exanian University. It provided classes in medicine, law, sociology, politics, cultural exo-anthropology, and many other subjects that focused solely on non-humans.

It was established in the early 1890’s and originally only taught humans about the nine Established races. The Established were allowed to attend school in the 50’s, and during the Neogon rights movement in the 80’s, the campus and curriculum was expanded to included education on the newer races that had begun to emerge as well as open its doors to non-humans. In addition, they began to petition and encourage other colleges to offer exological studies. Many alumni of E.U. were now teaching exological studies at other colleges.

You were now a research professor for E.U., studying newly emerged races and reaching out to those shy about integrating. When you first started your career, Amai and the firm where she worked would often help draw up protection papers for the new races until they were formally recognized as a Neogon race and therefore protected under the Neogon act, which granted them the same rights as humans and the Established. Though, as time went on, new races were much rarer, and you hadn’t needed their services. The surprise call was the first time you’d spoken in months, and you hadn’t seen her face-to-face in eight years.

“They’re well, thank you!” She said. “Whereabouts are you these days?”

“Portugal,” You replied. “We’ve had reports that the Encante people may actually exist, and we’ve been attempting to locate and make contact with them. Unfortunately, because they’re underwater creatures, they’re ability to shapeshift, and their reputation as seducers in the mythology of the region, it hasn’t been an easy task. Although, several people in the local villages claim to have Encantado ancestry, so we’re running blood tests to determine the legitimacy of that claim. If they’re blood comes back with unidentified DNA, we can start the protected race process. I assume that’s why you’re calling? You must have heard the news from Song. I sent him an email about drawing up papers a few days ago.”

“He did tell me, yes, and that’s wonderful news,” She replied. “But that’s actually not why I’m calling.”

“Oh?” You’re head rocked back, surprised. “To what do I owe the pleasure, then?”

“Well,” She sighed heavily. “The older children are at the developmental stage enough now where they should begin school, and the younger ones could use some help with supplemental skills. But both Yenuno and Dr. Halvorg don’t think putting them in a normal school a good idea, so I’ve been outvoted. At the very least, they need a tutor. I’ve done what I can on my own, but I’m not a very good teacher. At least, not for fifteen children. Soon to be eighteen, actually.”

“You’re carrying a new clutch?” You said, excited. “That’s wonderful! Yenuno must be very happy.”

“He is, and so am I,” She said, sounding please but tired. “Although we think this might be the last one. My body isn’t recovering as quickly as it used to and Yenuno worries about my health.”

“Understandable. So why did you call me?”

“Well, Yenuno doesn’t know anything about the educational system, having grown up in the wild, and Dr. Halvorg wants to hire some stuffy colleague of his who will bore the kids into a drooling stupor. Halvorg won’t accept anything less than the best, which I mean… I guess it’s nice that he wants the kids to have nothing but the utmost quality, I just wish he wasn’t so damn rigid. He needs to get laid, honestly,” She huffed, and you stifled a laugh. “Do you have someone you could recommend?”

“To get him laid?”

She snorted. “No! You know what I mean. Do you think any of your colleagues at the university would be interested in educating the children of a rare, endangered race? That’s got to have appeal to you academic types, right?”

“Hmm,” You hummed, sitting back in your chair and contemplating. “I’m not sure. You know, it occurs to me that I’ve never even met your children. Or your husband, for that matter.” You sat up and looked at your calendar. “You know what? I’m due for a vacation. Why don’t I come back state-side and meet all of your little ones? I can get a better idea of who would be a good fit for them. I know several people in early education who could be great for tutoring a large group of children at different development levels.”

“Ah, you’re a lifesaver, thank you so much,” Amai said. “I’ll owe you one big time.”

“Just find me a man and we’ll call it even,” You said, laughing. “I’ll text you when my schedule frees up and we’ll make some plans.”

Two weeks later, you stepped off the plane of the airport in Coleville and rented a car. Willowridge was an out of the way town that had the E.U. campus where you and Amai had gone to school. It was a little bit of a drive from the city to get there, but Coleville had the closest airport.

You arrived at the research facility sometime around mid-afternoon, greeted out front by Amai and her youngest child, Yenu. Yenu was a 50/50 hybrid between naga and human, which was unheard of; all other hybrids were a 95/5 percent split since the males both created and fertilized the eggs. Females were simply incubators in the breeding process. Yenu was a curious mix between Amai and her father, from her stubby little legs to her long snake tail and the blue scales running down her neck and back. From an academic perspective, it’s no wonder this Dr. Halvorg was so keen on keeping her and her siblings in the facility for study.

On the other hand, she was adorable, and the entire world needed to know about it. You wondered how many specialists actually knew about her existence and why there wasn’t more published about her in scientific literature. You’re fairly sure there was only one article based on her, and it was authored by Dr. Halvorg. They were likely keeping her under strict protections until she was older, to spare her the media circus.

“It’s so good to see you!” You said as you scooped her into a hug. Her belly wasn’t big yet, but you could feel it’s hardness against your own belly. Yenu squealed happily in her arms as you squished the two of them.

“You, too!” She said, kissing your cheek. “How was the drive?”

“Scenic, as always,” You said, following her as she went inside. “I got the email from Dr. Halvorg last night about accommodations. You’re right: he’s a little abrupt, but in all honestly I’ve yet to meet a geneticist that isn’t.”

“Believe it or not, he’s way less uptight than he used to be. The children really help lighten him up.”

“He likes kids?” You said, your opinion of him rising slightly.

“Oh, very much,” She said, then her voice lowered to a sad whisper. “He can’t have any children, apparently. His kind are bad breeders, he says.”

“His kind?”

“He’s part fae,” She replied.

“Oh,” You said, frowning. “That’s odd.”

“What is?”

“Well, I’m part fae, too, and I have three brothers. And I know of several subraces of fae that are prolific breeders, several of which I helped integrate myself. Exogenetics is still an evolving science. Perhaps he has been so focused on his current work that he hasn’t checked recent literature in the field. He’s been working in conservation for several decades, didn’t you say? I’ll make some calls and see what I can find.”

“I forgot you were part fae,” She said thoughtfully. “What subrace are you, again?”

“Russian Bereginya,” You replied. “What is he?”

“I’ve never asked,” She said. “He very rarely talks about himself at all. Honestly, it seems like a sore subject with him, so I’ve never brought it up. Even Yenuno seems hesitant to ask, and he gets along better with Dr. Halvorg than I do. The only reason I know his first name is because I’ve seen it on official reports. Only the children are allowed to say it, even if it’s to call him ‘Uncle Maël’.”

“A hard nut to crack, huh?” You asked as she led you into the public lobby and fished out a personnel I.D. badge.

“You could say that,” She said. “He and I don’t always see eye to eye, at least.” She swiped her card in a card slot and pressed her thumb on the printpad. “I’ve got a temporary I.D. waiting for you in the back. It’ll be good for the next two weeks. Let me know if you decide to stay longer, and I’ll have the expiration extended.”

“Sure, thanks,” You said.

“You’re about to meet the man himself,” She said as she walked though an automatic sliding door. “Plus my man, and my children. You remember their names?”

You nodded. “It’ll take me a while to match names to faces, though. You always were an overachiever.”

She laughed.

The two of you walked into what looked like the receiving room of a warehouse, except it was empty. There was a large, rolling aluminum wall that was raised and led to a forested area outside. There was an enclosed greenhouse type thing that had several nests built, as well as a cottage at the far end.

Each little nest had a small body with blue scales and warm almond skin lying in it, curled up into a coil, eyes closed and breathing softly. The cottage at the far end also had a movable wall, which was up, and a large, blue naga with long, straight, black hair and pale skin was sitting there, typing on a laptop that was perched on a standing desk.

“Yenuno is a bit socially shy, so he connects with others through the internet,” Amai whispered. “It’s about as much social interaction with the outside world as he can tolerate sometimes.”

“It must be naptime,” You whispered back, nodding toward the kids.

She laughed softly. “The older ones only need to eat once a day now, depending on the size of their prey, and they get tired after hunting and feeding, so we schedule it for noon. They should be up soon, though.”

She waved her hand to get Yenuno’s attention. He looked up and smiled, closing the laptop. He slithered down the ramp, over to Amai to plant a kiss on her lips, and then took Yenu in his arms, tossing her up once to make her giggle before squishing her in a big hug and blowing a raspberry into her cheek. Amai shushed him.

“Let’s go to the lounge to talk,” Amai said quietly. “Yenuno, this is my friend I told you about, the professor from E.U.”

“It’s nice to meet you finally,” Yenuno said as the three--no, four--of you went to a sitting area nearby. Half of the room had chairs and a couch, while the other side had cushions with a table in between. “Amai has told me many stories about you.”

“Most of them are true,” You said, sitting. “But I won’t say which.”

He laughed and set Yenu on the floor in front of him, watching her carefully as she scooted her way across the carpet. “Dr. Halvorg will be around soon. He usually talks to the children after their naps about their hunting experiences.”

“Jeez, I thought I was a workaholic,” You said. “Does he ever relax?”

“Not that I’ve ever seen,” Amai said, handing you a cup of coffee from the bar behind the couch. “If he’s awake, he’s in research mode. He even works through meals.”

“Well, I’ll hope he’ll make some time so I can discuss the children’s developments with him.”

“Oh, if it’s for the kids, he’ll make time,” Yenuno replied. “He’s practically adopted them.”

“I swear, if he thought he could get away with it, he’d forge our signatures on adoption papers,” Amai said sardonically.

“Speak of the devil,” Yenuno said, jerking his head at the open loading space near the greenhouse. A man stood there, surveying the sleeping children for a moment before heading over to the lounge area. He was thin and tall with long, white-blonde hair in a sleek braid down his back. He was pale complected and had a sharp, angular face with bushy eyebrows and vivid, amber colored eyes. His ears had a definitive point to them.

Yep, definitely Celtic fae heritage; you could spot it a mile away. It’s true that the Celtic fae populace had dwindled over the years, though you hadn’t really considered why. You chalked it up to interbreeding with other races or being edged out of their territory. Historically, since fae were immortal, or at least very long lived, they often didn’t feel the biological incentive that mortal creatures felt to procreate. Could their long-held disinterest in breeding have eventually rendered them infertile? That was a startling thought.

“Is this the professor I’ve heard so much about?” Dr. Halvorg asked as he approached. Yenu toddled her way over to him on her short little legs and he picked her up, popping her onto his hip like a pro.

“Yes,” Amai said and introduced you. Dr. Halvorg used his free hand to shake yours.

“Lovely to meet you,” He said. “I look forward to working with you. You have an impressive reputation. I’ve actually been following your progress for quite a while.”

“Really?” You asked, surprised.

“Oh, yes,” He replied, shifting a squealing Yenu to the opposite hip. “You’re the foremost anthropologist in the field currently. You and your team are responsible for integrating over thirty percent of known Neogon races in the last ten years. As a geneticist, as a scientist, seeing the steady expansion and confirmation of known non-human races happen in my lifetime is pretty incredible to watch.”

“Wow,” You said, stunned. “I didn’t realize I had such a reputation.”

“Well, you’ve been in the field for a long time,” He said with a smile. “It’s not surprising that you might not be aware of the impact your work has had on the world.”

You may have blushed, but you’d never have admitted it. Thankfully you were spared from finding a way to follow up that statement by a range of sleepy groans issuing from the enclosure. One by one, the children began to stretch and yawn and make their way over to their parents, the first of which was one of the youngest.

“Mommy!” He said, his curly hair bouncing as he slithered over the lip of the carpeted lounge area. “Who’s that?” He pointed directly at me.

“Osan, it’s not polite to point!” She said sharply. “This is my friend who I told you was coming to meet all of you. Wait for your brothers and sisters to get over here before we start introductions, okay?”

Osan shot across the enclosure to rudely awaken the rest of his siblings. His excited hollering echoed throughout the empty enclosure.

“Ah, youth. I’d love to siphon some of that energy and drink it like an espresso,” Amai said.

“Girl, I hear that,” You replied, chuckling.

A small army of nearly identical naga children came following Osan, curious about you, chattering and craning their necks to get a better look at you.

“Kids, line up, line up,” Yenuno said, wading out into the sea of small clones of himself. “These are the five year olds: Keenai, Tani, Fuma, and Amaia. The four year olds: Nenish, Tahara, and Sadji. The three year olds: Jinsa, Ishni, Chidil, Itheti, and Dashu. The two year olds: Osan and Khuzho. And little Yenu is eight months old.”

“I don’t know how you tell them all apart,” You laughed.

“I have a mole!” Sadji said, pointing at it. “See!”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” You said, bending down to pat his head. He shook off your hand but laughed. You tickled his chubby cheek and he giggled, trying to fend you off.

“So what would you like to do?” Amai said. “I assume you already have a plan.”

“Yes,” You said. “I’d like to interview each child with a behavioral therapist and get a sense of their development levels myself, and then Dr. Halvorg and I will compare notes. I can make my determination then.”

“Sounds good,” Amai replied. “But it doesn’t have to be today, does it? You just got into town. I’d love to take you out for an early dinner, if you haven’t eaten. Yenuno hunted with the kids, so he likely won’t eat again until morning.”

“Sure, I’d love to,” You said. “Dr. Halvorg, do you have dinner plans?”

“Oh, no, I have a lot of work to do,” He said. “Besides, I’m sure the two of you will want to catch up. Please, enjoy yourselves. If you all would excuse me, I have a report to write.” He kissed Yenu on the cheek before handing her back to Amai and tousled a few of the kids’ hair as he passed. “Come along, children. Let’s do our interviews and I’ll take you all out to the playground.”

The kids cheered and followed him down the hall to the offices.

“You weren’t lying, Amai, he is really good with kids,” You said.

“Between him and the volunteers, we never have to hire a babysitter, which is nice,” Yenuno replied.

“Some days, it’s his only redeeming feature,” Amai said with a sour smile. “I still haven’t quite forgiven him for what happened when I was pregnant with Yenu. If I sit too long, thinking about it, I get mad all over again.”

“Think of the eggs, my love,” Yenuno said patiently, patting her belly. “He’s apologized many times since then. You can’t hold a grudge forever.”

“I absolutely can,” She said churlishly. “I understand his job is conserving and repopulating your species, but our marriage is an entirely separate thing and he can keep his nose out of it.”

“Well, let’s get a cheesecake and forget all about it,” You suggested.

“Sound good to me,” She said. She kissed Yenuno on the lips and waved goodbye to him. “There’s a new Italian place that’s got really good reviews.”

“No seafood! Or wine!” Yenuno called after her.

“This ain’t my first rodeo!” She called back.

The Italian place was as good as Amai said it was, and the two of you went to Tumble’s Cafe for dessert and coffee. Tumble had actually been a client of Amai’s when a hate crime had been committed against him. Now his wife and kids had two shops open in town and were doing very well for themselves.

Lucy, Tumble’s wife, was a few years your junior and a mother of three. Amai and Lucy had become close friends over the years and they were both in an interspecies mommy group. You knew of her, since you’d both grown up in the same small town, but you hadn’t actually met her before. Amai told you that the triplets often played with her children at the park, and you had to stop for a moment and contemplate the strange image of bunnies and snakes playing together.

“Is this the professor?” Lucy asked as you came in with Amai.

“Did you tell the whole town I was coming?” You asked Amai.

“I didn’t need to,” Amai replied with a laugh. “Word gets around.”

“What can I get you guys?” Lucy asked, a big smile on her freckled face.

“Coffee and cheesecake to go, please,” You said.

“Oh, no coffee for me,” Amai interjected. “Can I have a decaf iced cinnamon chai instead?”  

“You got it. Whipped cream on top?”

“Yes, please. Where’s Tumble?”

“Putting the kids to bed upstairs,” Lucy said. “Such a good daddy. We’re talking about having more.”

“More than three?” You asked as she handed you a steaming cup of coffee. “I can’t imagine having more than two, at the most.”

“I guess it comes with having a non-human partner who’s used to the idea of having many children,” Lucy said, nodding at Amai, who tilted her head in agreement. “Not all non-humans have litters or clutches, but the ones who do always want more kids. At least the girls are in school now andTumble gave me a good five years before asking for another litter, unlike supermom over here. How’s that going on your end, by the way?”

“That’s why the professor is here,” Amai said, bumping you slightly with her shoulder. “She just got in today. The evaluations start tomorrow.”

“Well, good luck.” She handed you a box that contained two generous slices of cheesecake.

“Thanks, Lucy,” Amai said as the two of you left. “I’m sure I’ll be back in here soon. Tumble’s pastries are the best in town.”

“I’ll tell him you said that!” Lucy said with a laugh, waving.

The next morning, you began setting up for the individual assessments when Dr. Halvorg entered the room.

“Good morning,” You said. “Are you observing with the behavioral specialist?”

“I am the behavioral specialist,” He said. “I have a PhDs in child psychology and clinical psychology.”

“How many degrees do you have?” You asked, impressed.

“A few,” He admitted. “I’ve been alive for quite a long time, so I go back every once in a while to get another, or for a refresher. The education for each degree is much different now than it was fifty years ago.”

“How old are you?” You asked. “I know you’re part fae.”

“Amai told you that, eh?”

“Maybe,” You replied. “I mean, I’m part fae, too, so it’s not like I’m bothered by it.”

“You are?” He asked, looking at you keenly. “That wasn’t in your dossier. European?”

“Russian, and it’s not really a secret. I’m surprised you didn’t already know; I figured Amai would have said something. I was actually thinking you and I should have a conversation about that.”

He looked at you with an indecipherable expression and opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, one of the eldest children came in the door.

“Later,” He said. You nodded.

The evaluations were interesting. The children were advanced for their ages, though Dr. Halvorg told you that was normal among nagas, who had to mature quickly in the wild. Watching them problem solve during the assessment was actually fascinating. They grasped new concepts relatively quickly and were wildly curious. They actually seemed happy to learn new and unusual things and kept asking you about your work with new races. You imagined they got a lot of that exuberance from Amai. Yenuno seemed a great deal more anxious and withdrawn.

The assessments took the entire day, and Dr. Halvorg asked you back to his office to compare notes when they were done.

“I think Ishni is slightly behind the others in his age group, or rather his brothers are more advanced. Honestly, it’s hard to tell with nagas. Their development is so unusual.”

“I would agree,” Dr. Halvorg said. “With Ishni being behind, that is. But it’s nothing some focused work won’t fix. The rest of them are advancing well, based on the available statistics for their age groups.”

“Yes, it’s shocking how quickly they pick up new things. I wouldn’t be surprised if they completed a full curriculum in just a few years.”

“Based on today’s evaluations, do you have a candidate in mind who would work for them?” He asked.

You sighed heavily. “I do,” You said. “I actually know of several that would be good fits. Unfortunately, all of those people are currently under contract.”

“Oh,” Dr. Halvorg said. “I thought you said you knew someone who would be perfect for this job.”

“I said early development!” You replied. “But these children don’t need early development. That’s shapes and colors and numbers and things like that. All of these kids can already read. Even the two year olds! They need more advanced tutelage, and I didn’t realize that when Amai first asked.”

“So what would you recommend?”

You sat back in your chair. “Give me a few days to think it over and make some calls and I’ll get back to you. In the meantime, just go about things as normal. I’d like to observe how things run here naturally.”

“Is that in reference to the search for an educator?”

“No, it’s for my own personal observations,” You said, smiling. “I am still an exo-anthropologist, after all, and quite honestly, the last couple of days have been riveting.”

He grinned. “A woman after my own heart.”

Two nights later, you walked into the enclosure after dinner to a strange sight: Dr. Halvorg reading the kids a bedtime story. He was sitting on the ground in the circle of nests and reading from a big book of non-human fairy tales. Race appropriate ones, of course. It was so unusual that all you could do was lean against the doorframe and listen.

When he finished, he helped settle all of the children and wished them a good night, and set the lights to starlight, with little pinpricks of light shining through the ceiling. When he saw you, he walked over.

“So, no good,” You said. “There aren’t any teachers who can come in on short notice.”

He sighed unhappily. “Well, what now?”

“I’ve decided that until they make contact with the Encante people, I’m not needed, so I might as well make the most of my time here and be the kids’ tutor until I need to go back or a teacher is made available.”

“Really?” Dr. Halvorg said, surprised. “Well, the kids like you, and you’re certainly well-educated. Have you ever taught before?”

“Briefly at E.U.,” You replied. “I taught one year of anthropology. It was nice staying in one place for a while, and the students seemed receptive to me. I only left because I was needed for a first contact situation.” You looked around. “Where’s Yenuno and Amai?”

“Date night,” He said. “They’re off… doing whatever people do on dates these days. I haven’t dated in decades, so I’m not certain what that entails anymore.”

“I could fix that, if you like,” You offered.

He smiled, but tilted his head. “How do you mean?”

“You could go on a date with me,” You said. “Since I’m going to be staying a while and working with you, it’ll be nice to get to know you better. And… maybe more than that.”

He looked like you’d hit him with a brick. He was still smiling confusedly, but his mouth was open and he couldn’t seem to speak.

“You okay there?” You asked.

“Ye--yes,” He stammered. “Forgive me. I… I appreciate the offer, but… I... I, uh…”

“It’s okay to say no, Maël,” You replied, laughing a little. “You don’t have to find an excuse. ‘No’ is a valid answer.”

He laughed a little self-consciously. “I’m sorry. I’ve been married to my work for so long that I just haven’t considered the possibility of dating. It’s… not something I’m interested in. I hope you understand.”

“Of course,” You replied. “That’s completely fine. And if you change your mind, that’s fine too. You know how to get in touch with me. No pressure. We’re both adults, after all.”

“Yes,” He said, adjusting his glasses. “I appreciate that. Thank you for the offer.”

“Think nothing of it,” You said. “I should get back to work. See you tomorrow.”

“Yes,” He repeated. You waved and walked away, unaware of his curious, piercing gaze on your retreating back.

Since my work is no longer searchable, please do me a favor and reblog this story if you enjoyed it. Help me reach a wider audience! To help me continue creating, please consider buying me a Kofi, becoming a Patron, or donating directly to my PayPal!

Thanks for reading!

My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

[transjinako]

I made an Okita Berserker cuz I felt like she’d fit it in a way 

Name: Okita Sojiro

Alignments: Neutral Evil

Parameters: 

Strength: B

Agility: A-

Endurance: C

Luck: E-

Mana: C

NP: B

Traits:

Madness Enhancement EX Presence Concealment C

Skills: 

Degrading Earth A-: A walking technique evolved from the idea of Reduced Earth, turned into a fully offensive and destructive. The user tears apart their body in order to reach the heights of movement that might allow them to even pass through dimensions, however the damage done to the user keeps them from reaching it. 

Deteriorating Condition B: A skill unique to Okita from her illness in life, warped completely through frustration. Okita, while not showing it, is almost constantly sickly and as her condition worsens, either through the effects of tuberculosis or through battle, she fights harder and harder, her madness only growing more intense until healed or killed. 

Obsession A: The deep desire in Okita’s heart to die on the battlefield with a purpose is horribly warped and misunderstood as an obsession for killing and bloodshed. When her eyes are set onto a target she doesn’t stop for a second until it is dead by her own hands, imagining it as a faceless enemy of the shinsengumi. When active it works like a both Eye of the Mind and Monstrous Strength. 

Noble Phantasm(s)

Three Breaths till Death, The Rampaging Cut

Type: Anti Self, Anti Unit

Rank: C

Description: A suicidal blade technique, and the only death that Okita will accept at this point. Okita matches her breathing with that of the opponent, then, within three breaths, lashes out wildly completely out of sight. With each breath, three cuts are made at the exact same time, repeating until the last breath where Okita finishes them off. The strain caused by this attack will more than likely lead to Okita’s death as well, where she can finally be at rest. 

Description of Servant: 

A version of Okita Souji created from her last days in bed, dying of illness. Unlike Okita Alter where she is the potential if she had grown, this Okita is derived from the pure anger and frustration from those last days given the ability to ignore all pain or illness. She fights and fights, all to forget that she will die, while also finding the most preferable place to die. In the meantime, her body is almost constantly in pain and she refuses to rest too much. When she does relax, her symptoms are allowed to come at her full force, which scare her more than anything. Surprisingly enough, this Okita can still listen and take orders which is likely due to an inherent desire for purpose when taking up her blade.

If you are willing to have her stay in bed for an extended period of time, you’ll only be greeted by the shell of the Okita you might know. Her eyes mostly emptied, her body weakly shakes desiring for battle again. Her jokes are a lot more dry and flat now, and shes rarely able to smile.  She can’t stand compassion or pity, even when right now she's deserving of it the most. There might be no saving her now, maybe all her master can do at this point, is decide if she’ll die covered in blood or in a quiet windowed room. 

Okita Souji: Gh...master, tell that other me to leave me alone already…! I thought i’d have no problems with her, I don’t even like seeing myself in the mirror, but she's always staring when she thinks I don’t notice, and trust me, I know when I’m oblivious. Actually...heh, maybe its like seeing your car get totaled and wondering “I could have been in there!” 

Okita Alter: ...So, what, are you trying to mock me? I can only dream now, being where you are now, and you dare try and pay me a visit?! I’m not your damn sister, I’m not you! Go away! Tch….Master...would my chest have really gotten that nice…

Hijikata: Visiting again, Hijikata? Hm, whats that look for? You look sad about something, certainly not me, otherwise I’d have to show you just how fine I feel...

Nobunaga (Archer): That annoying little runt keeps on coming by to push her comedy bit on me. Heh, I bet she thinks shes so impressive and funny, I’d probably run her through if I wouldn’t get scolded for ruining the room (Continued if you have Nobunaga Berserker) But hey, hey, listen! There was this one time though, she showed up in a bikini for some reason! For a small lady, shes certainly pillowy….huh? What? She made an offer to feel so of course I did! I even got her to agree to come in it next time, hehe….dai shouri~

Katsuhika Hokusai: That painter is pretty entertaining, even if she follows me around on the battlefield to draw me, or leer at me. I’m fine with both of course, but I do try to avoid hearing her reasoning as to why. Last time she tried to explain I nearly cut her head off~!

[shima-draws]

OH HEWWO here’s the two new characters for ATS I’ve been gushing about nonstop!! Their refs have actually been done for quite a while, I wanted to draw more of them before I shared but I just got so excited I couldn’t wait!!

Their inspiration is probably pretty obvious lmao as stated several times by my pals but well, Albion’s been planned to look smth like that for a long time now so :’Dc

Albion’s on the top!! And Ikaia’s on the bottom!!

Their backgrounds and story details are under the cut, but be warned, it is LONG lol

Albion Kerrigan Age: ??? (Physically, early twenties) Hair color: Black and white Eye color: Black and white (Dual-user) Element: Light and Darkness

Remember when I introduced Edan and Valdis way waaaay back? Well, Albion is one of their companions--the Grandmaster of Light and Darkness! (His name was Alva previously, but I changed it.) He’s existed within Kishuniia for countless millennia, ever since that world was created. However, unlike his Grandmaster brethren he doesn’t like to play by their rules, and goes to interact with humans despite the fact that it’s strictly forbidden by Astraeus (the Grandmaster’s leader and the only existing tri-user (besides Kaz, who is a special case)). Because of his Grandmaster status, he serves as a pillar for Shima’s world, being an existence that keeps it thriving. If a Grandmaster were to be killed, the entire world would collapse instantly, for those seven pillars are needed to keep it functioning. And that is the reason why they conceal themselves from humans, spending thousands of years avoiding humanity or just in hibernation, and why Astraeus, being their leader, is so cautious about interacting with humans, who could easily abuse them for their power and unknowingly cause the world’s destruction.

Even so! Albion has always been an outsider within the Grandmaster group--not because he doesn’t get along with them (Edan’s his closest friend among them) but because he doesn’t like being tied down by their rules. Humans fascinate him and he’s always seeking knowledge on how they function and evolve, and he’s sorta inherited their mischief, always getting into trouble with people. But that’s just because he’s playful! Being a very curious and energetic person, he easily falls into misunderstandings, and also enjoys playing pranks on people lol

Astraeus is a really calm and laid back person, but with Albion they’re kinda strict--they pretty much act like a parental figure lmao and Albion HATES it. Astraeus kinda treats him like a kid, mostly because they don’t believe Albion is capable of understanding just how important of a being he is, being a god of this world, and it frustrates them. They’re quite protective of all of their Grandmaster allies, especially Albion since they know he attracts trouble and will disobey them no matter what they say. Albion’s constantly just like “Go away” and Astraeus is like “If I don’t keep an eye on you, who knows what will happen” so they’re just constantly arguing. Family squabble. Mkdmasdas

Ikaia Belcour Age: 23 Hair color: Blonde (very subtle pink gradient at the bottom) Eye color: Pinkish-red Element: Water

Ikaia is my newest baby...I would and can die for him...he’s a good soft boy that doesn’t allow any bullshit and pretty much does whatever he can to achieve his goals. He’s also trans!! 

He actually met Albion when he was 8 years old, after finding him collapsed in some bushes outside his house--apparently Albion had irritated some of the boys in town and gotten into a fight with them (but of course, he pulled his punches, letting them get out their anger and trying not to inflict too much damage). Ikaia then tended to his wounds and started asking all sorts of questions. Albion found him immensely entertaining. When Albion asked for his name, Ikaia hesitated because he didn’t like the name he was born with--so Albion gave him the name Ikaia, and he’s stuck with it ever since! 

Albion stays around town for a little while, and he slowly starts getting attached to Ika along the way. Ikaia, being the youngest of a large family, is ostracized by them, especially since they’re all gifted with elemental abilities and can use them brilliantly while he fails to master his powers of water. The only person who really cares for him is his older sister, but it’s hard for her to protect him when everyone else is essentially out to get him. Ikaia tells Albion he dreams of running away and being free from the ties of his family, and doesn’t have to put up with their misgendering and bad treatment of him. Ikaia excitedly suggests traveling with Albion, who sorta just goes with the flow and travels to wherever, being the adventurous type he is (which is smth Ikaia dreams of doing), and Albion jokingly says maybe he can one day.

By mistake Albion realizes that Ikaia’s elemental gifts lie more on the side of ice rather than just water--as elementals tend to specialize in different fields of their element, down to specific battle styles and practical uses. Once Ikaia discovers that he’s able to control his ability EASILY--he realizes he’s better at freezing things, developing a knack for it right away! Albion trains him a bit and teaches him a few Grandmaster tricks that only he knows. Ikaia excitedly goes home to show off to his family--they are proud at first, but immediately turn around and start using Ikaia for his powers, which makes him miserable. They also start noticing Ikaia hanging around Albion, which they find VERY suspicious, and punish Ikaia for meeting with him. Albion feels immensely guilty for getting Ikaia in trouble, and even worse, a very furious Astraeus shows up and berates Albion for interacting with humans, fearing that the secret of his Grandmaster status might leak.

Astraeus threatens to erase Ikaia’s memory of Albion, to which Albion protests, saying it isn’t fair to erase all the happy moments they had together just to preserve their secret. (Also they’d have to get Valdis to come do that who is like halfway across the world anyway.) Because of how close Ikaia and Albion had become, Astraeus says they won’t erase the child’s memory, but that Albion has to leave town and never look back, and forbids him from ever seeing Ikaia again lest Ikaia realizes that Albion’s immortal. At this point Albion’s been driven into a corner and can’t really oppose that decision, so he goes along with it, reluctantly, because he’d actually wanted to see the type of person Ikaia would grow up to be. 

Finally, Albion resolves to leave town. Ikaia is absolutely distraught, of course, not wanting to lose the only friend he has, and the person who’s taught him so much. Albion tearfully says he’ll come back one day, and Ikaia makes him promise to take him with on a journey across Kishuniia and show him everything he knows once he’s grown up and mature enough for the journey :’) Ofc this is a lie but Ikaia doesn’t know that;;

Years after Albion has left, Ikaia becomes stronger and trains more often to master his elemental abilities--and also lashes out more frequently against his family. At this point, he’s become a bitter sort of person, under his family’s control and the promise that Albion never came back to fulfill. His sister gives him encouragement but Ikaia tells her there’s no point in believing in lies, that Albion had probably just been humoring his childish fantasy. Still though, he finally leaves home at age 16--sick of his parents and siblings’ manipulation, he starts traveling around and participating in tournaments to hone his skills. 

And then, 15 years after Albion had left--Ikaia is in his early 20s at this point, and has become a renowned champion of local tournaments, going under the name “Ruka” because he doesn’t feel super comfortable using his actual name, especially because of how important it is to him, being the one big reminder of Albion he has. People refer to him as the “Frigid Prince” because of his use of ice and his cold personality lol. It’s at one of these tournaments that Albion stumbles upon him again, completely by accident 👀 Ikaia is shocked to see him from the audience and almost loses his match but he uses his irritation at Albion to win lol. He honestly thinks it was just a hallucination for a while, but he runs into Albion again outside of town--who had been avoiding meeting him--and just. Shit hits the FAN LMAO. Ikaia is absolutely FURIOUS at Albion for breaking his promise, and ofc is very confused as to why Albion still looks exactly the same. Albion refuses to reveal his identity as a Grandmaster, since he knows the truth would put Ikaia in danger with both Astraeus and any other humans looking to take advantage of them. But it becomes clear to Ikaia that Albion definitely doesn’t age, and probably isn’t human like he’d assumed--and he realizes that was the reason Albion never came back, and slowly but surely forgives him. (He’s still irritated for a long time after tho lmao)

With that said, Albion’s finally able to fulfill his promise and take Ikaia with him on a journey :’D They do a lot of catching up and they spar against each other occasionally, tho most of the time it ends in a draw since Albion’s afraid of hurting Ikaia despite the fact that Ika’s definitely strong enough to handle his blows lol. To Albion, Ikaia feels like an entirely different person, and it takes him a while to adapt to how snarky he’s become, and slowly begins to realize that Ikaia definitely doesn’t smile as much as he used to when he was a kid. (He then starts blaming himself for this drastic change in his friend, wondering if Ikaia’s become such a bitter person because of Albion’s “abandonment” of him.)

It takes a long time for Ikaia to finally start opening up to Albion, but when he does, and when he finally discovers Albion’s status as a Grandmaster--he resolves to protect Albion no matter what, and even stands up to Astraeus and challenges them to a fight in order to prove he’s worthy enough as a human being to stand by Albion’s side :’) Before this Ikaia had kinda been going through life without any real purpose, only wanting to get stronger without knowing why--but when Albion crashes back into his life again, he realizes that Albi’s been the driving force behind everything he’s done in his life, and finally knows what he wants to do from then on out. Seeing Ikaia stand up to Astraeus moves Albion tremendously, and that’s when he starts Catching Feels >:3c (It also doesn’t help that Ika looks REALLY good in thigh highs. Albion’s very weak for them fnadkald)

Ikaia’s pretty popular with his fans--especially the girls, who find him to be very handsome and charming with his cold and quiet demeanor--and Ikaia’s ignorance of them usually makes them freak out over him more lmao he just can’t avoid it :’D He doesn’t really care about fame particularly, and is disinterested in the affairs of his peers in the tournaments, but he does appreciate the support he gets! He’s a very careful battler and strategist, preferring to think first before charging in, while Albion is the exact opposite lmao. Being so cold and calculating gives him an air of arrogance, but he’s not like that, not at all! Deep down he’s still the excited, kind child he used to be, and he still really looks up to Albion a lot and is inspired by him! He likes teasing Albion a lot; they’ll get into friendly arguments and bicker over silly things. Ika thinks Albion’s an idiot despite being an all-powerful immortal being and sorta appoints himself as a babysitter for Albion under Astraeus’ instructions and Albion’s fury at that lol. Ikaia teaches him a lot about the human world, what humans are like, and how they function--which is something Albion’s always been extremely interested in.

They do fall in love, eventually! But it takes a long time because Albion’s never developed feelings for a human before, due to their lifespans being so short and him never being super attached to any of them in particular. He’s curious about them and he likes them, but human lives are fleeting and fragile, so he doesn’t really allow himself to get really close with any out of fear of losing them. After he starts getting closer to Ikaia he becomes very...overprotective of him, and worries constantly about his health and his state of being, and nags at him to be more careful when he gets hurt. Eventually Ikaia snaps back at him and tells him to stop coddling him and acting like a mother hen lmao. He does understand Albion’s fear, as Ikaia feels the same, worried that someone will take Albion away and try to use him against his will, and does his best to reassure him...!

A long time later when they finally get the balls to confess to each other, Albion pleads for Astraeus to let Ikaia become an immortal (who had already considered his options and decided yeah, spending an eternity with Albion would be really nice), and Astraeus, having seen how important they are to each other and viewing Ikaia as Albion’s only true friend, grants him immortality!! (Which they can easily do, being the Grandmaster of Time, Space AND Stars--) And then, Albi and Ika begin their eternity together. Insufferable partners to the end. LMAO

There’s this whole thing where people do eventually find out about Albion and there’s a huge battle arc where they fight to get him back and he turns into a raging demon and unlocks his Grandmaster Destruction Powers or something after Ikaia gets hurt and. Yeah. That’s a story for another time LOL

WHEW sorry that got long but that’s the gist of it!! I love my boys very much and would lay my life on the line for them, yessir

Bonus screencaps from me blabbing on about them in Discord:

[askanaroace]

So I was reading this awesome aromantic roundtable led by one of the editors, writers and creators - Claudie Arseneault - of the upcoming Common Bonds Anthology (which did get fully funded, if you remember its kickstarter!), and early on, there was a question proposed about everyone’s favorite platonic relationships in media, and it got me thinking. At first, I couldn’t even think of any platonic relationships. Too much pressure! And I wasn’t a part of the roundtable, LOL. But I’ve been stewing on it for the day now, and I want to share some of my favorite platonic relationships in media to help celebrate them!

Christina Yang and Meredith Grey (Grey’s Anatomy)

The friendship that, from what I knew, spawned the “my person” trend. The unlikely friendship that grew from similar ambition and mutual respect of knowledge and skill. Christina and Meredith were always there for each other through everything. At the end of the day, they were there for each other. Sandra Oh leaving Grey’s Anatomy was a huge blow to me because this duo is an extremely important female friendship. These women compete with each other, but they use that ambition to better themselves. They don’t cut each other down to get ahead. They don’t mistreat each other for the attention of men. They’re not just misogynistic tropes that men write a lot. They’re real, complex, beautiful, wonderful women. And they’re not very touchy-feely, but you can still see and feel the depths of how much they care for each other. They’re extremely important for me as a person who’s fairly touch averse and slogged through friendships with people who literally used the word “train” to describe their invasion of my boundaries, as in training me to stand their touch.

Carla Espinosa and Elliot Reid (Scrubs)

A slow-burn friendship that grew out of the embers of conflict and annoyance for each other. This relationship is important to me because it’s a very similar relationship that I had with one of the very best friends I’ve ever had. Like Elliot, she was well-meaning and wanted to be friends. Like Carla, I had a hard time putting my defenses down and it didn’t help that I found her eagerness annoying. But through a ridiculous - and looking back on it, hilarious - situation, we did become friends, just like Carla and Elliot. This friendship shows growth. I love how Carla and Elliot didn’t just become friends at first sight. We see them work on fostering their relationship and working to re-connect later in the series when they’ve become distracted by other things going on in their life.

John Dorian aka JD and Chris Turk (Scrubs)

It’s so refreshing and wonderful to see such a close male friendship on TV between two men who, even if one sometimes struggles with it or just struggles to admit it, are vulnerable with each other. Turk and JD are so close, and their relationship is often lovingly teased for seeming so romantic. This friendship breaks barriers of what platonic relationships really can be. It’s a great example of how much two friends can love each other and how important friendships can be. It’s a celebration of platonic love in a world where platonic love is often downplayed and dismissed in favor of romantic relationships.

John Dorian aka JD and Carla Espinosa (Scrubs)

Honestly, Scrubs is just a goldmine of different types of relationships, of celebrating them and understanding them and exploring them. I miss this show so much; it was a gift in so many ways. JD and Carla are so sweet with each other. I especially love how good of friends they are, and it never becomes romantic with them. There’s never a will-they, won’t-they between them. They drunkenly kiss once and both of them find it awkward and weird. They’re friends, and there is no “more” than that for them. Their friendship is something to be celebrated and nurtured. It’s meaningful, and I love it.

Liz Ortecho and Maria DeLuca (Roswell, New Mexico)

I’m not even fully through this show yet, and Liz and Maria are just so wonderful and heartwarming to watch. Their friendship is not the focus of the show, but what we see of it is strong and supportive and just makes me plain happy to see. (((SPOILERS))) [When they’re starting to think Maria may be the murderer, Liz vehemently defends her and knows she can’t be the killer. In this day and age of grim and gritty shows, it would have been easy to let Liz doubt Maria and grow suspicious of her. Instead, she stayed true to their friendship.] (((END SPOILERS))) Just the small ways in which they support each other are really great, too, like when Liz lays her head on Maria’s shoulder for comfort.

Okoye and T’Challa (Black Panther)

Everything in Black Panther was so well done. It’s absolutely a movie that showcased and celebrated so many different kinds of healthy relationships: platonic, familial, romantic... It was part of the draw of all the protagonists. I especially love Okoye and T’Challa, though. That moment when T’Challa’s story really begins and we see Okoye playfully teasing T’Challa about the mission stole my heart. Okoye isn’t just a bodyguard, and T’Challa isn’t just a leader. They are truly friends. They know each other extremely well. They’re friendly and familiar with each other, again, in a way that’s never meant to be leading up to romance. They just have such familiarity and comfort with each other that even without any backstory, it’s clear to us all how important they are to each other.

Leslie Knope and Ann Perkins, Leslie Knope and Donna Meagle, Donna Meagle and Tom Haverford, Leslie Knope and Ron Swanson, Ron Swanson and April Ludgate (Parks and Rec)

Honestly, I never planned on even watching Parks and Rec. Then one day I was out of shows to catch up on and nothing sounded interesting and Parks and Rec had a lot of seasons that could keep me busy, and I fell in love despite thinking I’d hate the show. Leslie and Ann were the first friends to pop into my head, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how many amazing friendships were in this show, and I couldn’t pick. But considering how many it is, I didn’t want to separate them all out. Anyway, we all need a good humor once in a while, and Parks is Rec is one of those I’ll keep coming back to when I need something to cheer me up. A lot of these friendships are established at the beginning of the show, but we also get to watch a lot of them grow and evolve. I love all the different ways they support each other, from Leslie’s blatant showering of love and affection with words and physical touch and gifts to Donna and Tom encouraging each other to just do something for themselves to Ron and April’s stoic but deeply caring relationship and walkaround communication. They’re all such strong and different personalities, yet they come together in this beautiful melding of hope and optimism. Throughout it all, they never lose their individuality or sense of self, and that’s what makes them love each other even more.

Phoebe Buffay and Joey Tribbiani (Friends)

There’s a lot to be said about Friends and a lot of it is bad, but I’ve always loved Phoebe and Joey. I love their casual flirtation with each other. These two can say pretty much anything to each other, even the weirdest stuff, with basically no judgement. They have the sweetest, funniest moments when it’s just the two of them, when they can be unabashedly themselves in front of each other.

Rowan Northwood and Rán (Dragonoak trilogy)

I love Rowan and Rán separately and I love them together. Rán is just so friendly and open, you can’t help but immediately fall in love with her. She becomes someone Rowan can really lean on, and she’s Rowan’s teacher in many ways about the wider world than the one she grew up in. By the end of the trilogy, their friendship has grown into something that seemed really reminiscent to me of a queerplatonic relationship. We get to follow the journey of them meeting and becoming friends and growing to really love and support each other more and more throughout the series. Honestly, they’re like a warm hug or freshly baked plate of cookies.

Zélie Adebola and Roën (Children of Blood and Bone)

Two people with very different experiences and backgrounds who have both experienced deep pain and loss and have a pretty tragic backstory. They’ve ended up coping with these experiences in pretty different ways. Zélie has become extremely passionate and serious, and in the beginning, she’s always ready for a fight. Roën is a charmer who is more likely to use humor and quick wit to cope. Yet they can share really intimate moments of understanding between each other as they get to know and really understand who the other person is. There’s definite chemistry between them. They’re both extremely magnetic personalities who dominate the pages they share together. 

Jamie and Hazel (Girls with Slingshots)

I think I originally checked out this webcomic after hearing it had an asexual character. Though the comic has a lot of sex and sex jokes, I immediately fell in love with it, and that was absolutely a result of the friendship between the upbeat, cutie Jamie and cynical, pessimist Hazel. So many different aspects of their personalities and relationship reminded me of me and my friend, though it was different aspects of both of them that represented both of us. Jamie and Hazel were really the first friends I read about who could be so open with each other no matter the subject. My friends and I in HS all gravitated towards each other because we were closeted/unknowing queer kids. As a result, we went through our teenage years pretty repressed. Sex jokes were made, but none of us were seriously talking about or even considering sex. My friend was totally embarrassed and ashamed to admit that she masturbated, and it wasn’t because she felt awkward that I was asexual. Seeing the totally open and unashamed relationship between Jamie and Hazel taught me a lot and broke down a lot of social barriers I hadn’t realized existed. I love how well these two totally different people could work with each other.

Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir (Community)

I was super late to the Community bandwagon, but glad I decided to give it a watch, anyway! Who couldn’t love the totally weird duo of Troy and Abed who loved just getting weird, doing shenanigans, and performing bits with each other? Another great example of two people very different from each other just finding this innate bond with each other and truly taking joy in each other’s company. Watching them have fun together is a treat; it’s just plain fun to see how much fun they can have doing the silliest, even rather meaningless, things.

Anyway, I’ve been working on this post for a while now, it’s already very long, and I need to go to bed, so I’m going to stop here!

Please feel free to add your own favorite platonic relationships to this post! From any medium! You don’t have to write as much as I did! Just naming them is fine! Let’s celebrate platonic relationships in all their glory. o3o

[impossible-rat-babies]

owen.... i can't believe you thought i would not ask you every question yourself in return.... go! dimitri or darva for All The Questions! ❤❤❤❤❤

Ooooo boy here we go! Vi, you’re a peach and wonderful

This is probs gonna be long so mostly below the cut?

Dimitri Enallasani, an Anderfels Elven Mage

art by haloneshiral

1. If not for the Conclave, what would drive your character to join the Inquisition?

Dimitri would be recruitable depending on if the mages or templars were sided with. If the mages were sided with, he would be an apostate who came with them to Haven who would be causing “issues” with the templars already there and the PC would be asked to step in. 

If the Templars were chosen, he would be brought with them as a “prisoner” and since the Templars are in no real position to judge others–especially if they were conscripted–they would turn him over the the Herald to judge then.

Both opportunities would give the chance to recruit him as a companion. As for how much he would want to join, it would seem the logical choice in both circumstances. He’d been helping the mage rebellion and with that effectively under the control of the Inquisition, it would be logical to change his focus. With the Templars he would be free to choose his own course and he would want to repay the person who saved him + they are the only people fixing things. Plus he is a mage with no shortage of skills in magic outside the Chantry influence, so he would be ideal with strange magic like the Rifts. 

2. How would they meet the Inquisitor?

They would get to meet him in Haven with his recruitment cutscene and one could meet him “better” after the choice is made, provided he would be allowed to stay. That would go something like him being very grateful for letting him stay and helping him out of a tight spot he hadn’t intended on getting into. He would also casually talk about the choice made with the templars or mages, which would be the first chance to get approval/disapproval with him.

3. What would some of their cutscenes look like?

A lot of them would play out in his private space in Skyhold since he is an exceptionally private person. But after Adamant, he would have a cutscene in the rotunda with Solas over what happened, especially if he was brought along. He would also have a special scene on the Storm Coast where he would find a wounded Great Horned owl and if the PC would let him, he would heal the creature and send her on her way. But she would keep following them and after three of his comments, another cutscene would trigger where she comes to rest on his shoulder.

Dimitri: She certainly seems intent on sticking around.

PC: Why not keep her around? She seems to have taken to you quite well.

Dimitri: Hm, I could see to giving her a good home.

From then on, she would be included with Dimitri when you take him out as a companion and she could be used as a scouting feature, reaching further distances and a way to plot out paths up complicated hills.

Dimitri would also have longer cutscenes by virtue of how his speech can be much slower and he takes his time to talk; it also goes along with his tendency to ramble on and on. He would be the kind of companion where one could have long simple cutscene conversations with.

4. What would their romance route look like? Would they be romancable?

Dimitri would be romanacble by male only Inquisitors of any race. A female quizzy could flirt with him, but he would shut that down at the first flirt and express his lack of attraction to her and anyone of her “fairer sex”. 

He would be a much slower romance and require a high approval for him to consider a relationship in the first place. He is very hesitant about getting close to someone and embracing a new kind of relationship like that. It would be reassurances of attraction and comfort that would evolve into him giving that right back. Like at Halamshiral, he would express that he is proud of him and comfort him if it was trying for them. He would grow much, much softer in the relationship, growing to laugh and smile more as time would go on. His reservations with a relationship aren’t like Dorian’s where he doesn’t have that sort of angst with his status as a gay man, but it’s more the intimacy and the need for acceptance of who he is with all his messy faults and bad choices he’s made.

EDIT: His first romance scene would be him pulling the quizzy out onto the ramparts near the garden room and him exasperating about how he can’t be serious in having affections for him. He’ll comment about how it won't work between them for a whole host of reasons, but if the quizzy presses and reassures him, he is more willing to try.

Later on after one of the main quests and his approval is high enough, he’ll prompt a talk about the relationship and he’ll have grown more comfortable with the idea and the idea of soft affection like holding hands and the like. It would be nothing big, just something sweet and soft between them.

The first kiss wouldn’t happen until after his personal quest is resolved and he feels more comfortable and certainly more trusting of the quizzy to let down more barriers and grow more comfortable with him. (His romance is very much about letting down the barriers and walls around him). 

His romance culminates in scene that can be sexy or not, but it’s that sort of final breaking down of walls--both physical and mental--and him letting the quizzy in completely. It would be the first time he would say “I love you” as well.

5. If they romanced someone as Inquisitor, would they still fall for that person as a companion? How would that play out? How would they react to that person being romanced by the “new” Inquisitor?

Maybe? See, I don’t think Dimitri would have the moxie as a companion to flirt with Bull or grow closer to him. He wouldn’t have the exposure to get out of his shell more like he would as Inquisitor. He wouldn’t rock the “lone wolf elf apostate” look that Solas has with the detachment, but he would be more passive in developing friendships. But him and Bull might’ve had a fling or two. Tbh most of their relationship if it did happen would be subtext and very on the down low. Both of them could be asked about it and there would be a few banters, but nothing like the romance with Dorian.

He wouldn’t mind the quizzy getting with Bull. He would be happy for the two of them with a few idle words; like I said, he might not have the moxie to approach that relationship, so there wouldn’t be anything to get upset about.

6. Write some of their party banter (in reaction to major events, scenery dialogue, or just shitting around. Askers can specify for which character/event, or leave it up to the writer).

(Exalted Plains, near the body pits) “Feels like the Veil is normal. Which to you is a bad thing.”

–

(Emprise Du Lion) “If you’re curious why I’m useless in the next fight, it’s because I’m using all my mana to make sure I don’t lose my fingers.”

–

“Tell me about Elrahal.”

(Only available with high approval +75)

“He was born a slave in Tevinter and never met his parents or any other members of his family. He was kept as a serving man which equaled to him standing around and looking pretty until his master needed blood for the rituals. He resented it or he wouldn’t have tried to escape a half dozen times. The final time he escaped, he ran to the Anderfels. He said that he ran to the Anderfels because if he was going to die, he would do it as a free man.”

*Chuckle* “Thankfully that didn’t happen. He found our clan first and we were used to taking in ex-slaves. If they ran to the Anderfels, they could make it in the clan. I was just shy of eighteen when he joined us.”

–

Banter:

Cassandra: I’m…sorry about what you had to witness in Kirkwall…

Dimitri: Why are you apologizing to me?

Cassandra: You experienced horrific things that could have been avoided–

Dimitri: The conflict in Kirkwall was far from inevitable, Cassandra. Any other Circle in any other city could’ve been a “Kirkwall”.

Cassandra: Undoubtedly it would have received the same treatment as Kirkwall.

Dimitri: Hopefully the chaos was enough–that the horror of it was enough for people to learn that the Circle as it stood was far from effective. The best we can do now is look to find a better way to move forward.

Cassandra: That is oddly optimistic of you, Dimitri.

Dimitri: I can be optimistic in affairs outside of myself.

Cassandra: *laughs*

–

Cole: It ripples around you, like a stone in a pond. It folds and folds and makes that sound–like when metal grinds upon metal.

Dimitri: I won’t rip it or change it.

Cole: I can see it around you. It wraps you up and the spirits see it and press back. They’re curious.

Dimitri: I’ll pull on them occasionally. Keeping the Veil thin makes moving to the waking world less…difficult. They won’t twist on themselves.

Cole: But then you let them go back. And then they come back to watch you. I don’t know if they know what to think of you.

Dimitri: Most people share the same sentiment.

–

Dorian: Dimitri?

Dimitri: Yes?

Dorian: It is you making that sound? The low bzzzz and the high pitched bit in the ear?

Dimitri: It’s the Veil making that sound. Well, me and the Veil. I make the low pitched sound and the Veil is the high pitched bit. Why do you ask?

Dorian: Curiosity is all. Why do you make such a sound?

Dimitri: The Veil in the South is kinda like a shirt too small for me. So I have to fill it out with mana to stretch it–thin it out. The high pitched sound is the Veil curling on itself and the low pitch is the mana interacting with the newly thin Veil and the Fade being closer.

Cassandra: It won’t rip a hole in the Veil?

Dimitri: I don’t have that much mana to expend to accomplish such a feat. I simply thin it down to draw magic through the Fade how I’m used to.

Dorian: *chuckles* Why not just adjust?

Dimitri: Force of habit. I could relearn how to do magic down here or I could simply rely on the methods I’ve always used. In the interest of time and my own stubbornness, I prefer the later.

–

Solas: You warp the Veil as to draw more mana through it?

Dimitri: I learned magic were the Veil is incredibly thin. Coming South was a drastic change and I had to find quick solutions. Thus, I expend the mana to thin the Veil to draw upon it in a way better suited to how I know.

Solas: What is it like without such measures?

Dimitri: Frustrating. Spells don’t burn as hot or have the desired effect with them. Glyphs come out…wrong. They don’t hit as hard or do as they’re supposed to. Spirits become twisted and wrong when the change is too drastic. I use more mana to create spells that don’t work. 

Solas: Doesn’t this mean that you push more mana out of your body and experience more highs and lows of mana imbalance when you thin the Veil?

Dimitri: I suppose. I know it has a negative effect on myself, but I’d rather not spend the time to relearn and just use what I have.

–

Cassandra: You have said you would do away with the Chantry, Dimitri?

Dimitri: Such as it stands, yes. It cannot survive in its current state; not as a headless beast with it’s ready made zealous army on the loose.

Cassandra: A rather unflattering picture you paint.

Dimitri: It’s the truth of the matter. Such beasts can only wither and die, or they can grow and change. Sometimes I hope it is the former, and other times the later.

7. What would be on their tombstone in the fade (what is their greatest fear)?

Dimitri’s greatest fear would be himself. Ultimately, Dimitri fears what his actions will cause and the pain he has already caused to others. He is terrified of what he could become if he fell to his demon or if he will look back on himself and see how he was so much better of a person. He is keenly aware of how close evil sits behind his eyes and it would take only one slip to fall into it. 

8. What kind of Inquisitor would drive them to leave the Inquisition/confront them about their actions (what gets their approval low? what does that scene look like)?

An Inquisitor who is cruel without provocation and has an open hatred of mages or a lack of wanting to understand the complexity of magic and the situations surrounding it. He has lived enough of his life with ignorant people who don’t care to understand, so he isn’t going to be bound to a willfully ignorant attitude. So things like conscripting the mages, agreeing with the Circle, cruel options. Those sorts of things would bring his approval down.

His scene would be of him packing his bags in his now empty room, only having a few terse words to say for their actions before storming past them. If one would grab to stop him, a sharp flash of lighting would immobilize the PC and he would walk away without a word. The PC would then be left to lay on the ground for the next two minutes–in real time–to think of their actions.

9. Where in Skyhold would they be found? (e.g. Cole is in the tavern rafters, Leliana in the top of the tower, Varric in the throne room, etc.)

Dimitri would be found in a room off the balcony overlooking the garden and it would be an organized disaster. It would be a sort of self contained set up. Like he has a pot over the fireplace and several bowls that would have potions or leftover food in them sitting near a bucket of water. He would have a place to prepare food, fruits and veggies sitting out along with herbs in glass jars, mugs and ceramic pots across the window sill. He would have a whole alchemical station set up, scattered with all sorts of herbs, gems, precious metals, strange magical objects and dozens of jars. Much of it would be bubbling along, magical flames to keep it going. Rugs would cover the walls and old paintings and tapestries would cover the old walls, many of them colored blues, greens and yellows. His bed would be shoved off in a corner, piles of blankets and pillows in various colors and furs too. Books by the stack would be scattered across the room too. 

But the most notable thing would be the floating charms and crystals all across the ceiling with wisps dancing between them in orbiting patterns. They would be colored soft white and cast shadows across the room. They would be mainly used as mana reserves as rather simple little spirits that don’t have much to them beyond being reserves. They come in handy for making magical potions and the like. He has a very liberal use of magic.

10. If Inquisition operated like DA:O, what would their gift items be? What would their approval and disapproval Feast Day items be?

His main gifts would be a book on the Flora and Fauna of the Anderfels, pastries imported from the Free Marches, an Ironbark necklace charm, and some fine Tevinter wine.

His major feast day approval gift would be a handwoven wool blanket from the Anderfels, made by the Orth people: it would be decorated with patterns of Harts and Varghests across the orange sands, the sun blazing down upon them.

His gift for massive negative approval would be a book full of Chantry teachings on the dangers and practices of Maleficarum.

11. How would they grow as a person? How would they compare at the end of the Inquisition as a companion to who they were as the Inquisitor?

He would be changed like he is as quizzy, albeit with less friends and connections than before. But he would have peace and a new direction which he hasn’t had in over twenty years. His path is free and he can do what he wants, but most importantly, he has people who care, respect and love him for who he is and that is what truly makes him feel like he has a new chapter of his life.

He would be content in a way he hasn’t felt in ages.

12. Do they believe the Herald of Andraste is really the Herald of Andraste?

He isn’t keen on the Chantry, so he is inclined to believe that they ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time. He sees how the Inquisition is going to use that holy status to their advantage and he knows part of it is necessary, but also unsavory. He would support a quizzy who also rejects there Herald status–bonus points for a dalish quizzy–and be critical of a quizzy who thinks they are the Herald. It would be questioning them on how they know that they really are and if it’s not just a play into the power fantasy or getting caught up in the grandeur. He would be condescending about it to a quizzy he has low approval with.

13. If the Herald didn’t have them tag along to prep the trebuchets, what would they do during the battle for Haven? (bonus: would they join in on the impromptu Dawn Will Come choir practice in the camp?)

Dimitri would be fighting against the forces that would get loose from the others and protecting those he can, sheparding people to the Chantry. In the mountains he would be helping tending to wounds and wouldn’t pay any mind to the music, the task of healing and tending to the wounded much more important. He also doesn’t care for Chantry music.

14. What nickname does Varric give them?

Chatterbox, because it’s ironic.

15. Without the influence of their decisions for the Inquisition, which of the companions do they get along with? Which ones do they bicker with?

Dimitri would get along with Iron Bull, Dorian and Solas for the most part with him heavily bickering with Vivienne and Cassandra based on drastically different views of the Chantry and magic.

16. What would the Fear Demon say to them in the Fade to try and discourage them?

Nightmare: Look at you, Dimitri. Come so far and still so lost. How many people will die this time? How many will die and you won’t remember them? The screams last time were so delightful.

Nightmare: Do you remember how Elrahal screamed? *laughing*

17. Where do they hang out in the Winter Palace? What’s their thoughts on the nobles/The Game?

Dimitri hangs out on the Vestibule, up near the entrance to the library where he can watch everyone. He is intrigued by the Game and loves to watch it happen.

Dimitri: I do enjoy watching them spin circles around each other, trying to be polite to no real end. Killing each other in dark spaces is the same as killing them out in the open–they end up equally dead. Difference between assassinations and all out war, one would think.

18. What’s their reaction to a dragon showing up?

Dimitri: Oh….oh! *laughing* Chasing her, yes?

19. Once Corypheus is beaten, what do they do during the party? Do they stay with the Inquisition, or go somewhere else? What could the Inquisitor do to convince them to stay?

Dimitri would hang back in the hallway near the door, sitting on a bench with a drink in his hand. He wouldn’t much like the sound of the party/all the people around. Even after everything, he is still an introvert. Him staying or not staying would depend on approval level.

Dimitri: (low approval) I am leaving in the morning. I have no more reason to stay and I suspect you will not want me to stay. Congratulations, I hope the world doesn’t realize you made a tyrant trying to take one down. (He can’t be convinced to stay).

Dimitri: (high approval) I am going to stay for a while. I know I talked about joining the clan we met in the Exalted Plains, but….they are sorely lacking the company you keep. I…was looking for a place to belong and I think I found it right here. If you will continue to have me.

Dimitri: (romanced): I am staying, vhenan. I…can’t think of a better place to be than in this place made into a home and…anywhere else will lack my one, most precious love.

20. How do they react to learning abominations can retain their consciousness and identity, and even live peacefully with their spirits/demons, as seen in Stone-Bear Hold?

It’s not surprising, given how he’s lived much the same way for many years now. Its far from being the exact same with the Veil separating him from his demon, but they have an existence that could be called peace in a sense. Well his demon being rabidly possessive of him isn’t exactly peace. But it does give him a shred of hope that things could turn into a peaceful solution someday.

21. What do they think of the discoveries made in the Deep Roads? Do they make any comments on anything?

He thinks it’s groundbreaking and interested in the implications of such a find to a great deal. It shouldn’t be something to keep a secret and a fact of history to be remembered. But he would be extremely interested in what will happen to in regards to the Titans. If they can wake, then they are alive; maybe they can move or change or shape the world. The implications are staggering.

22. If you have another Inquisitor, how would those two get along, specifically?

Darva and Dimitri would get along well enough. Casual friends, but mostly at Darva’s insistence. But he would grow on Dimitri in that sort of protective caring manner.

23. In trespasser, what “gift” would they give the Inquisitor, if any?

He would give a friendship quizzy a beautiful indigo colored silk wrap that he had imported from the Anderfels. The gold would seem to shine in it’s way as if powered by magic or runes. It would also be incredibly tough and tear resistant on account of the magic weaved into the fabric. He would tell them he counts them as one of his greatest friends and that he wouldn’t trade their kindness and affection for the world.

For a romanced quizzy he would give the same gift and the idea of getting married would be shared between them. A slide in Trespasser would indicate they did get wholeheartedly married.

24. What are their plans for after the Exalted Council? Will the Inquisition staying in tact or being disbanded make a difference?

I have a whole thing written about that! He goes back to his given name of Dar’thenaras and during the two years he spent time in the Dales and the reconstruction work in the area.

(Unromanced, Inqusition peacekeeping force):

Dar’thenaras returned to his duties in the Dales, still trying to mediate the squabbles between the nobles of Orlais and the Dalish clans. Eventually, an accord is reached between the Dalish and the leaders of Orlais. Under offical decree, the land of Dales would be rightfully returned to the elves with reparations. The land would be protected by the new Inquisition under the Divine. The land would not be lost again. Many clans joined the new settlements and Dar’thenaras became the leader of the settlements, a voice for the Dalish in the courts and in the land.

(Inquisition disbanded): …The land would be protected by various agents, all with suspicious ties to the old Inquisition. However, few would question their origins.

(If romanced, peacekeeping Inquisition): The continuing work of the Inquisitor frequently lead him back to the new Dales, and back into his lover’s arms. The meetings they had were treasured moments of reprieve for both of them in their new duty. It wasn’t long before the Inquisitor and Dar’thenaras were spotted wearing matching rings, an enternal promise of love.

(If romanced, Inquisition disbanded): With the Inquisition disbanded, Dar’thenaras found himself with frequent company during the reconstruction efforts in the Dales. Even with the frequency of such company, they both treasured the moments they had with each other. It wasn’t long before they were spotted with matching rings, an eternal promise of love.

25. In the alternate reality, if they were corrupted with lyrium, how do they act? What’s their attitude about the end of the world/their inevitable death?

Dimitri–if the corruption would last long enough–would turn into an abomination and slowly lose his mind and turn into a beast. His speech would be a slurred mix of half spoken words and hissing sounds like two voices competing for one mouth. He would be twitchy as well, hunched over and a pale shadow of his former self. If it was late enough, he would attack on sight, unable to be reasoned with as a great beast, half metal and half man, wielding both magic and a sword and shield.

Beyond that, he would be excited for his death and the end of his life; he would have struggled so much and changed so much that death would be the only escape and saving to be had with him.

–

[a-spell-a-rebel-yell]

and then, I’m up with the birds

Title: and then, I’m up with the birds

Rating: G

Genre: slice of life

Word count: 2,101

Summary: who would ever thought a stranger could give you so much insight on your life, on the first time you met them?

Author’s Note: hello, surprise! i might haven’t found anything better as a greeting, but at least this time my post is a fic (!!!) and posted early haha. it’s just me trying to ponder about stuffs and exercising my writing skills. as usual, everything is un-beta-ed, so expect typos/grammar error hehe. this work is loosely based on Coldplay’s song Up With the Birds, hence the title. also you might’ve noticed i always use ‘he’ and ’she’ as my characters, it’s just me being lazy and couldn’t find names for my characters, ‘he’ and ’she’ used only to differentiate Character #1 and Character #2 lol. hope you guys like this one, have a nice weekend :-)

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That Sunday afternoon, clouds finally released the last droplets it held, signaling the typical fresh, earthy fragrance that always came visiting after the shower of rain. The apple red bench he was sitting on felt like a contrast to both the murky sky and lake, a shining distraction.

A lot was what he had in his heart and mind, taking every bit of his sanity—the burden of his everyday life, the stacks of problem that seemed to follow him around, the nightmares that stained his memories. Each syllable of his thoughts was heavy, dragging him down in his every move.

Then a voice interrupted his silent mourning.

“A penny for your thoughts?”

He hadn’t noticed he got company. This stranger—a woman probably in the same age as him—must had had materialised from thin air then sat next to him or something, he reckoned. She had her sleepy eyes looking forward and her voice dreamy, almost as if it was a boat floating gently following the stagnant waves of the sea of nowhere. Everything about her felt familiar to him, as if he had known her for so long. Even so, the current situation creeped him a bit.

Every atom of his body wanted to just scream at her to keep her nose out of people’s business. But before he could do so, he heard himself reply in a flat tone, “Living does no good for me.”

“Why is that so?” She asked, tone still kept light and warm.

The more he heard her talk, the easier the words roll out of his tongue, despite the moroseness and despondency behind what they truly meant. The tone she used somehow managed to lull him into a sense of security. Not that much for him to tell all of his deepest secrets, but just enough to give an impression that she wouldn’t mind him spilling whatever was clogging his mind—no matter what it was about. “The world no longer means anything to me.”

“Have you ever listened to the way the birds talk?” She inquired, her head slightly tilting to one side. Only at this moment did she turn to look at him, her eyes boring into his, imploring.

The sudden change of topic morphed his eyebrows into a frown. It slightly caught him off guard. “Birds don’t talk. They chirp.”

“Same difference.” She shrugged nonchalantly, a thin smile rising on her face.

“Well—uh, maybe,” he stuttered at last, after some time of left in daze by the first time he saw her smile. It also might have smoothen out his frown. “Maybe, I suppose. What do they talk about then, these birds?”

“The birds they say, at the break of day, start again,” she replied, in time with a flock of bird hovering above them. “I heard them say.”

“Couldn’t it be a more easier instruction?” He blurted out, unable to stop his cynical side to think how ridiculous what she just said was. “Starting again each day… That’s one hell of a task.”

“I know…” She trailed, eyes on the distance again. But in the next second she sent her stare back at him along with a hearty laugh. “It’s so hard to just walk away, isn’t it.”

For that one, he could only hum in agreement. He watched her for a while. Her contagious laughter almost made the corner of his mouth curl up. Almost.

He was about to continue retelling his misfortunes eating up his life, but she got there first.

“The birds they say, all a choir,” she jammed her eyes shut, as if she was trying hard to grasp the sand of her memories between her fragile fingers. “Start again, a little higher. It feels like a spark in a sea of grey.”

He felt content, somehow. Though he wasn’t sure whether it was because of the sudden breeze of wind sweeping over them, or the things she just told him. Either way, he didn’t think of how absurd what he just heard was this time, to his surprise.

Something pulled his attention in from his peripheral vision. It was the bright reflection of the sun on the surface of the murky lake hitting his eyes. “That’s not true. I’ve tried everything…” he muttered, "it never worked."

“Look up, the sky is blue, isn’t it? Even after all that rain,” she pointed out, almost as if she was ignoring what he said. She leaned back, eyes inspecting the mile high sky. “Dream that lie until it’s true. Keep on trying.”

He followed suit. He didn’t even realize the sky gradually turned into its charming azure blue again. He never realized it did so after the heavy rain stopped. He inspected her again in silence, almost speechless at how she managed to give him reasonable, adequate answers consecutively.

Still, he digressed. “I never believed in that. Looks like life has its ways to prevent me from acquiring what I made every effort for."

"Then take back all the punches you threw,” she replied simply, this time folding her arms across her abdomen, as if ready to take a light nap. “Put away all of your expectations and guesswork on how you want things to work out or suspicions on what will happen if you do or don’t do something… life has its own grandiose scheme of things, so just go for it anyway.”

“It’s not like tomorrow brings a new, clean slate for me. I’m too polluted to begin with. I’ve done worse things, some mistakes I can’t just withdrew from easily,” he murmured, voice just below a whisper, "things I regret that I can never forget.”

“Have your arms turned into wings yet?” She asked, again seemingly to take no notice of what might be implied from what he said. She straightened herself up, back on staring at him.

“I don’t have wi—” he abruptly stopped himself once he realized what she really meant, a look of confusion furrowed his eyebrows once again. Was he hearing things, or was she mildly insane? But the solemn look on her face told him otherwise. “Excuse me, what?”

“Have you learned from your wrongdoings yet?” She elaborated. The words would have sounded interrogatory and judging, if it wouldn’t for her soft voice and amused expression on her face. "Have you own up to your mistakes and grown out of it yet?”

That stops him on his track once more. Though for the first time, he didn’t know what to answer. Had he?

“Like you, I did some awful deeds and fell into that dark, catastrophic abyss. But I crawled out of it and has rebuilt myself since. I evolve,” she went on. She had her fingers adjoined at the thumb, impersonating bodiless wings. "Like the birds, my arms turn into wings.”

Lots of questions circulating in his mind, but all he could muster out was the one that had been weighing his heart down. “But don’t you feel—“

“Remorse? Guilt? Shame? Pangs of conscience?” She supplied, grinning. “Oh yes I do. Or did. But you know, all those clumsy things sent me up to this wonderful world. No matter how cruel it has been to me.”

Her guesses hit way too close to home for him. It was like thrusting the dagger deeper into his already bleeding heart. He dwindled, “I don’t—I’ve never thought of it that way."

“‘Course you haven’t,” she laughed again. She nudged his arm gently with the tip of her elbow. "Sometimes we all need someone else’s perspective to help us see things and it’s fine.”

“I guess so.” He laughed along, unbelieving he just did so, even more to hear it rang with bona fide cheer. It felt… relieving. Each exhale of breath felt as if it duplicate that deflation of a balloon, lowering the pressure in his chest.

“And that’s how I deduced it,” she added, "all that happened and all the people I met, good or bad, they carved the pathway that lead me to where I am today.”

The odds where he crossed paths with her seemed to be astronomical, nearly fairytale-like, yet here they were sitting side by side. He glanced at her again. “Like how you did for me today.”

She returned the gesture. “Like how you did for me, too.”

They laughed again in unison. They hadn’t moved for slightest bit from their seats at the red bench, though there were lots that changed. The sky was clear, no cloud to be found, the gust of wind that occasionally came ruffled the leaves of the trees, the comfortable silence that was only intervened once in a while by the sound of the lake’s ripples, the cool air the after-rain brought along slipping through their coats, all harmonically created a relaxed ambience. Especially what he and she had between them, from where they stand on the common ground, they had stacked the first stones of a bond.

“How can it be so easy for you?” He uttered suddenly once their laughter died down, querying. Without knowing, he got too intrigued more than he let on. “To accept it all?"

“Little birds are pushed from their nest by their mothers for them to let go and train their wings how to fly. Life pushed me out of my comfort zone and I see it as a sign I have to let go of the past and move on,” she explained, her index finger moving in such elegance, drawing her words in front of their eyes. “And then, I’m up with the birds.”

He mulled the words over. As much as his basic instinct told him not to trust strangers he just met, she made sense more than anyone he had ever met in his life. For the past half an hour, she lifted the shroud that once covered his eyes for all his life, she made him see what he couldn’t before.

His curiosity went further. It got him to let slip and ask what he truly wanted to know, what he truly feared. “After all this time, after everything, has life treated you fair since?”

“You fully well know the answer to your own question.” She said with a smile still, though it came as a wistful one this time.

He witnessed with his own eyes the way her smile was dissolved out of its genuineness. That made him understand more than words would ever do. “It hasn’t.”

She gave a dry laugh, nodding. “Life will never change for us. It changes us—regardless whether we accustomed ourselves to it or not. Might have to go where they don’t know my name, float all over the world just to see him again…”

Even without him listening to what she said, he could fathom what she was trying to put out. Because he heard it in her voice, crystal clear: the heartache masked under yearning hope for what might have been for loved ones lost a long time ago.

But then he saw it—a shadow of a grin plastered on her face that he wasn’t aware of before—and he understood. “There’s something else, isn't it?”

“A plot twist?” She feigned innocence, though a moment later a wide smile that exploded on her face gave her away. "Yes.”

“A real game changer, I bet,” he chuckled. Only by then he could put a word to what he felt towards her: amazement. Thinking back, if he was the boat, she undoubtedly was the raise on the waves that calmed his mind. “Do tell me."

“In defiance of it all, I won’t show or fear any pain. Whatever is waiting for me will happen and I’ll meet it when it does,” she declared valiantly, undeterred. "Even though all my armor might rust in the rain. Onward I’ll march, relentlessly.”

Seeing is believing, they said. And boy, did he really see it, that action indeed spoke volumes more than words ever would, sheer will mixed with happiness splayed all across her face features: her smile so radiant and eyes gleaming with determination, making her face aglow.

Still, he had to ask—he just wanted to hear her say it, for the curse to be broken for once and for all, and for him to be free at last. “How are you so sure about it?"

As if she deciphered what he truly meant, behind his intent gaze, she spoke again in a much reassuring, gentler tone. “A simple plot, but I know one day good things are coming our way.”

Unconsciously, as a smile rose on his own face, he chanted the magic words. “A simple plot, but I know one day good things are coming our way."

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[meistoshia]

talk to me about your favorite episodes of xyz !!! or your favorite moments !!

oh my god ,     okay ,     uh ,     i have     SO many favorite episodes / moments ,     this is gnna take a hot motherfuckin sec   ( post!editing edward here ,     i was right ) ,     uh ,     KDSFJGHSDFJ ,     okay ,     sO   …               folks ,     if you’ve ever wanted a somewhat comprehensive summary of all of my feelings on the xy/z series ,     here it is ,     all in one place :

                                001 - 002.

right from the start of satoshi showing up in kalos ,     the entire energy of the series was just so !!! & the battle animations were just such a breath of fresh air after having watched bw & i was just instantly drawn in .               then there was the whole incident with the gablias & just satoshi following it up the tower & having calming it down enough to remove the collar ,     knowing that it was in pain ,     be the first priority ,     & then leaping after pikachu when an edge of the tower broke off   ——   my heart just was so warm throughout all that .

                                003.

satoshi consistently repeating that a strategy is needed against yayakoma sort of just made me smile & think ,     yeah he’s grown a lot since previous seasons .               along with that ,     the moment where it clicks for satoshi why keromatsu has been described as   “ the pokemon that battles as it pleases without listening to its trainer ” ,     understanding his feelings & working to attain keromatsu’s goal together instead of him just leaping blindly without considering how to most effectively achieve it  ;          that also just really made me soft ,     because finally there’s a trainer that actually understands keromatsu & it reaffirms that him choosing satoshi was indeed a good choice .

                                006.

a really small thing ,     but when satoshi’s stuck on how to counter viola’s pokemon & he & serena have a small talk & serena says that he told her   “ don’t give up until the end ”   & that he hasn’t changed &   “ this is so like you ”   & satoshi just pauses for a second .               & then he laughs .               because how could he forget   ??               it’s not like him to mull things over too much ,     he just goes at it with fighting spirit ,     no matter what it may be or even if fighting spirit is all he has .                 that moment just always makes me smile to think about ,     probably mostly due to the pause & laugh ,     honestly .

                                007.

serena putting her sihorn knowledge to use & teaching satoshi how to ride one ,     & the moments where she was remembering herself learning & when she repeats her mom’s words of   “ don’t talk !!     you’ll bite your tongue !! ”   &   “ go for broke !! ”   without even thinking   ——   those were sweet .               also the kalos gang talking to serena’s mom for the first time ,     that was really adorable ,     especially with everyone pushing each other out of the frame to talk & satoshi excitedly talking about serena teaching him to ride sihorn & her trying to get him to shush up & ending up just shoving him away from the phone entirely before he could finish a sentence .

                                008.

satoshi & pikachu continuing to battle the rocket gang even after maaiika blinded pikachu by having satoshi become his eyes & guide where to dodge & where to strike  ;          it was a really nice way of showing the trust that pikachu has in satoshi & vice versa ,     because battling blind while relying on someone else’s directions does take a lot of trust to pull off smoothly .

                                009.

honestly just the entire episode  :          the backstory with the citroid ,     citron reclaiming his gym ,     the kalos gang saying they’ll grow together with citron ,     him declaring to his dad that he wishes to travel with satoshi & serena & stating that they’ve helped him grow as a person in even just the short amount of time that they’ve been together at that point ,     the promise between satoshi & citron to have a proper gym battle against each other once satoshi reaches the skill level of someone with four badges & citron promising to get stronger as well to be able to give that proper gym battle   ——   this entire episode was filled with so much goodness .

                                025.

after rewatching the orange league arc ,     i’d come to realize that zakuro giving his challengers the option to climb their way to the battlefield was quite similar to a previous gym leader that too had his challengers climb for the right to challenge him ,     but there were a few differences ,     one significant one being that ,     in kalos ,     satoshi has zero hesitation in his decision to climb the walls & ,     though he slips once ,     he doesn’t look down & finishes his climb with relative ease ,     a vast improvement from the aforementioned orange league arc ,     & the connection with the earlier arc makes this a moment ,     or rather thing ,     that i really liked .               also the evolution of way of fighting through battle with the counter - tombs was really neat .

                                030 - 033.

honestly just watching corni & her lucario bond & grow & come to truly understand each other & overcome the overwhelming power of lucario’s mega evolution was all just really interesting  ;          also the understanding that satoshi had for her connection with lucario & for the need to battle the bursyamo in the cave on their own due to his own experience ,     that was nice .

                                034.

the entire episode ,     really .               satoshi took one look at luchabull & just went   “ kin ” .              the excitement & admiration he felt at meeting luchabull & him asking if kanazawa could share some stories about him & just being so !!! when kanazawa tells him he could take him to luchabull’s training spot   ——   it was all just so tangible & heartwarming .               satoshi working with luchabull to help master the flying press & trying to help by thinking of a way to increase the speed of the attack without having to remove the personal dramatic flair aspect of luchabull’s particular move was also really sweet ,     along with admitting total defeat even though it was a draw between luchabull & keromatsu because luchabull had perfected his flying press after trying satoshi’s suggestions only once & impressed him + luchabull still wanting to go along with satoshi & the others .

                                039 - 042.

the rival trio were so great & the summer camp was a wonderful way of introducing these recurring characters ,     not to mention that this marks the beginning of steady discovery for serena of what sort of dream she wants to attain ,     with sana telling her about the trypokarons & it sparking an interest for her .

                                044.

oh man ,     the gym battle between satoshi & corni was such a ride to watch ,     especially just the first time around ,     like the animation team really pulled out some god damn stops for this episode because ,     holy fuck ,     it was like a cup of coffee for me .               also ,     the moment with satoshi realizing he can’t really copy anyone else’s strategy because he’s got his own type of rhythm to battling was just kinda nice .

                                047.

serena’s first caught pokemon & her deciding that she wants to become a pokemon performer along with fokko & yancham .               she’s struggled with the fact that she’s the only one she knows without a goal or a dream in life all the way up until this episode & just the fact that she’s finally so certain of something like that really warmed my heart .

                                053.

going off from the aforementioned ep ,     serena confronting her mom about wanting to become a pokemon performer & challenging her to a race with the stakes being that ,     if serena loses ,     she’s going to come back home ,     & even though she falls down in the middle of the race ,     not giving up & her determination getting her through to the finish line first .               she finally had something she’s so passionate about & i just felt nothing but pride & joy for her .

                                054.

kojiro & maaiika ,     man .               kojiro & maaiika .

                                060.

while serena may have failed in her first trypokaron ,     it was really heartwarming to see her finally turn around in the end & not let the failure stop her entirely from pushing on ahead ,     knowing that she’s not alone in it ,     she has her pokemon with her .               also the blue ribbon she got from satoshi being used for her new look was sweet .

                                064.

elle & serena’s battle & serena taking elle’s advice of smiling while performing with her pokemon to heart & reaching fokko in a way that made it evolve into tairenar all hit me in the heart like a bag of bricks ,     not gonna lie .

                                067.

oh man .               the entire gym battle between satoshi & citron .               it really was so electrifying to watch ,     the animation & emotion in the battle was off the hook & i could swear that my heart was racing its own marathon during all of it .               i really felt that feeling of not wanting the battle to end & wanting it to last forever ,     & when it was over i felt like i’d just gotten an absolute rush of adrenaline & had to slowly come down from it .               it’s honestly my favorite gym battle to date ,     full stop   ( though the unofficial gym battle against kasumi in sumo is a close second due to similar reasons as this one ) ,     because not only was the battle itself so incredibly well done ,     but the chemistry between not just trainer & pokemon ,     but trainer & trainer as well was just so beautifully displayed in a way that none of the other gym battles with travelling companions who were gym leaders had   ( the battle against kasumi is one of an old friendship from the very early first days of their journeys ,     sort of an   “ it’s been a long while, wonder how you’ve you been ” ,     while the one against citron is more that of gratitude & respect ,     mostly coming from citron  ;          they’ve got two distinctly different connections )  ;          citron was inspired by satoshi to be the type of trainer he is in this episode ,     all the events & incidents that have happened up until this battle have made him the way he is ,     & he is giving it his all because it’s not only what satoshi deserves but it’s also what citron has achieved   ——   he’s grown as a trainer & as a person & this battle is his way of showing all his progress thus far .               it’s a thank you .               also ,     you can pry the line   “ satoshi, you need me.     a fighter like you needs a calm type like me by his side ”   from my cold ,     dead grasp .

                                074.

satoshi dealing with the trick rooms was interesting to watch ,     & even though the end result may not have been quite as satisfactory as he’d hoped ,     the repeated use of flame charge to build up speed for when the room timed out was a heh moment that i liked  ;          he’s got a tendency to sometimes purposefully make his opponents think he’s making a mistake while he’s actually just waiting for the right moment to make a good move & i really appreciate those moments .

                                076.

the gang parenting the newly hatched onbat was so sweet & so cute ,     especially with satoshi & his flying types ,     helping it learn to fly .               it’s kind of a small thing ,     but it’s so adorable & heartwarming that i can’t help but call it a favorite .

                                085.

kojiro stepping up & helping serena with tairenar’s broken stick because he understands the feeling of losing something that may seem easily replaceable to others but holds immeasurable value & memories to the one who owns said something .               it was honestly just so sweet & so heartwarming & he was happy for tairenar even while getting blasted off ,     i mean come on .               my heart was mush .

                                087.

tiny thing but satoshi sprawling out in his sleep to the point of having an arm draped over citron was really cute & a favorite thing .

                                092 - 093.

first off ,     i dig gojika’s whole Thing so much & i think she might be my favorite gym leader purely aesthetic - wise  ;          second ,     the foreshadowing of satoshi - gekkouga & gekogashira’s backstory ,     holy shit .               not gonna lie ,     the lines   “ what keromatsu wanted was something deeper .     i call this … love .   […]   this one’s future   …   is you two climbing up towards a future of new greatness   …   that no one has ever seen before . ”   hit me in the heart like a bowling ball .               & oh man the gym battle   …               god it was so much fun to watch & i loved every moment of it ,     particularly satoshi having pikachu time the amount of time it takes for gojika’s future sight to strike ,     & Oof the moment where gojika sees satoshi & gekogashira’s future in the water pulse .

                                100 / xy&z07.

gekogashira’s evolution & the first instance of satoshi - gekkouga   …               honestly ,     almost every time i rewatch an instance of it after a while of not seeing any ,     i realize i forgot just how intense the satoshi - gekkouga state is ,     like even just the powering up part on its own .

                                106 / xy&z13.

something about the abruptness of the ends of the battles between satoshi - gekkouga & jukain & mega lizardon always cracks me up ,     i don’t know what to tell y’all .               also the exchange of   “ satoshi, what was that ??     how can you do that ??     please tell me !! ”   “ i don’t know either.     my vision goes bam & then i’m all rargh. ”   “ i see, i see   …   wait, that does not help !! ” .

                                112 - 113 / xy&z19 - 20.

even though she lost in the end ,     the fact that serena had even made it to the point of facing off against elle in the first place was such a huge deal & i can honestly say that i cried a Lot during these episodes & that they are the reason i now instantly get teary - eyed upon hearing serena’s dori - dori song .               also ,     it was really nice that musashi accepted her loss as well as she did ,     casually stating that it was because of the rest of the gang that she made it even that far ,     even though just a few trypokarons ago she would have blown her lid off at a loss when she was so close to her goal  ;          the rest of the gang being just so proud of her & kojiro & nyarth being more than willing to pay for the celebratory dinner was really sweet ,     too .

                                116 / xy&z23.

small things stuck with me & make this a nice episode to rewatch ,     such as the start of studying satoshi & gekkouga’s synchronization ,     pikachu shouting at satoshi for calling out onvern for a battle instead of him & getting pouty ,     the small details of satoshi’s eyes narrowing just as he’s about to resume battle with gekkouga having freshly powered up & his pupils contracting in a closeup when an attack is incoming which are such tiny things but delight me to no end ,     & just the enthusiasm with which satoshi goes into his decision to raise his own strength closer to that of gekkouga’s .

                                118 / xy&z25.

where can i even begin with this episode Holy Shit   …               first off ,     this ep reaffirmed to me that carne is such a delight ,     honestly ,     def one of my favorite champions ,     second   …   that battle though   …   that battle   …   poetic cinema   …               the battle choreography ,     the animation ,     the way satoshi - gekkouga’s theme seemed to perfectly sync up with what was on screen ,     satoshi moving in perfect sync with gekkouga’s movements as he attacked as though he were the one performing the attacks ,     the raw emotion in satoshi’s voice as he called out attacks & declarations of becoming much ,     much stronger   …               it was such a rush of adrenaline to watch ,     even bigger than the one i got while watching the gym battle between satoshi & citron ,     i felt like my heart stopped beating the moment the battle was abruptly ended by satoshi losing consciousness .               & hey ,     the animator(s) responsible for the scenes with the white background & black paint splatters ,     let me get y’all’s number ,     i wanna treat y’all because holy fuck those were intense .               i loved them .

                                119 / xy&z26.

this episode is less of a favorite due to what happens & more of a favorite due to the content as a whole .               upsetting to him as it may have been ,     satoshi had been having a huge winning streak ,     alan & black - outs excluded ,     so a loss was imminent ,     & ,     honestly ,     understandable .               seeing that shoota had surpassed him in an aspect & grown so strong in such a short amount of time got to him & affected his psyche  ;          kid got scared .               he got nervous & ,     as we all know ,     a nervous trainer leads to a faulty battle .               i will say though that the little bit after the internal thoughts in the middle of the jukain vs gekkouga battle of satoshi saying shoota surprised him delights me to no end & i blame how rica said the line along w/ the small motion satoshi makes while saying it .

                                120 / xy&z27.

satoshi literally saying   “ hold my jacket while i fight this guy ” .               i can’t call anything else a favorite even though i loved this episode because everything else just made me emotional & upset  ;          particularly the fact that the preview for the next episode was silent except for the snowy wind blowing & satoshi dejectedly reading out the title of the episode without even saying the   “ everyone, get pokemon ”   line at the end .

                                121 / xy&z28.

putting aside the upsetting factor of the title not being read out by anyone   …               the flashbacks of younger satoshi with all those wild pokemon really warmed my heart after all of the upsetting stuff that had been going on .               also the moment of satoshi & gekkouga finally making their power their own ,     based on their mutual strong desire to save one pokemon ,     along with them both deciding to start fresh from zero ,     gekkouga rolling his monster ball towards satoshi just as like when he initially chose him & everything .

                                122 / xy&z29.

oh honey when satoshi - gekkouga showed up   …   oh Honey   …               again ,     the thing with satoshi moving in sync with gekkouga’s moves as though he were the one attacking ,     except this time even more intense than during the battle with carne  ;          for some reason the aerial ace kick downwards always gets me & that small bit is one of my top favorite parts of the entire episode somehow .

                                123 / xy&z30.

satoshi & eureka finishing off the preview for the next episode together while citron’s in the background wordvomiting about the wonders of ingenuities .               that is all .

                                125 / xy&z32.

satoshi’s declarations of aiming to win the entire league ,     serena having to physically drag satoshi away from a battle before it begins when he’s already running out of time to get registered for the conference ,     satoshi doing the arm thing on trova ,     seeing the frustration of someone who failed to get all eight badges in time ,     just so many favorites across the episode .

                                126 / xy&z33.

the various mega - evolutions ,     tierno & shoota’s battle ,     & numelgon rejoining the team were all Oof .

                                127 - 128 / xy&z34 - 35.

satoshi’s eyes shining while watching alan’s fight honestly made my heart go ding ,     not gonna lie  ;          the boundless excitement building in him is real & it’s wonderful .               & the start of the battle between satoshi & shoota   …   i felt like satoshi using pikachu’s electric ball against bloster’s grip was a nice callback to using it to get out of horubee’s grasp on his tail in the first episode ,     & honestly the part where satoshi had pikachu block gillgard’s entry into its shield was such a heh moment ,     like it really was so on brand for him to pull something like that ,     something that would have failed were the timing off even in the slightest  ;          also i really liked the small detail of satoshi’s pupils contracting when he spots a chance for dealing with king’s shield & the little laugh he did when shoota’s peroream returned the favor for what onvern did .                    but holy fuck the finale of the battle between satoshi & shoota   …   the fight between satoshi - gekkouga & mega jukain   …   oh man i absolutely felt that battle  ;          the adrenaline rush i got from watching it was on par with the gym battles against corni ,     citron ,     & urup ,     & the battle against carne .               the raw power in it   …   wrow   …               the animation ,     the battle choreography ,     just how absolutely tangible the attacks were   …               but the true oof was yet to come   …   this was only the semi - finals   …   the biggest big dick energy of them all was still only just around the corner   …

                                129 / xy&z36.

honestly this episode had just really tiny things that i liked ,     like the nurse joy at the beginning of the episode wishing for satoshi to do his best in the finals with a shine in her eyes which was honestly really cute ,     citron & eureka’s dad stealing the citroid’s line about waiting in line for 2h being an easy feat ,     the jirachi keychain ,     alan genuinely being excited for the finale & battling satoshi ,     & how could i list off favorites in this episode without mentioning the ending song ,     oh my god ,     it’s the softest & cutest & sweetest shit ,     i swear i could get a cavity from watching it on repeat .

                                130 - 131 / xy&z37 - 38.

ho - ly - shit .               i mean ,     this was the finals match ,     so no fucking shit the battle would radiate big dick energy ,     but the absolute wave of power that ran over me while watching it was absolutely phenomenal .               the animation ,     the movements ,     the emotion ,     the raw power behind each call of attack & execution of move ,     the absolutely palpable energy of the battle   …   whew   …   i needed to sit back for a few minutes & just catch my breath after all of that   …               like ,     putting aside how much hatred i have for the constant baiting of a league victory for satoshi   ( with him declaring he’s aiming for victory throughout the entire series & a bunch of characters saying lines that imply a league victory   ( not to mention ,     the final episode of the conference being called   “ kalos league victory !!     satoshi’s ultimate match !! ” ,     like holy shit ,     can you pull a bigger dick move ) ) ,     only for alan to beat satoshi - gekkouga with a move that he’d easily blocked before in spite of gekkouga using an insanely more powerful counter attack than the first time while also having the type advantage   ( but go off i guess )   …   it was an incredibly well executed battle & ,     really ,     the end result was the only thing that i would   ( & did )   change .               also ,     a bunch of tiny things that i really loved were citron’s hand trembling out of excitement during the start of the battle ,     luchabull coming out of his monster ball on his own when onvern was defeated & badly hurt ,     alan experiencing the same feeling that most trainers feel while battling satoshi   ——   the feeling of wanting the battle to continue on for as long as possible because they’re deriving such fun & enjoyment from the raw passion that arises in the midst of the fight ,     kojiro starting to root for satoshi & while initially giving him slack for it musashi & nyarth joining in on it ,     rocket gang stating that they were the ones that helped make satoshi as strong as he is   ( which ,     honestly ,     go off y’all three because you’re so right & i’ve been saying it for a while now ) ,     & again ,     the fucking ending song ,     i swear it could cure my depression if i watched it enough times .               & then there was the start of fleur - de - lis’ plan being set into motion   …

                                132 - 134 / xy&z39 - 41.

rocket gang broadcasting live coverage of the happenings in miare city ,     the zygarde showdown ,     serena & platane going to save hari with manon & rocket gang following them & the    “ this is that   “ the enemy of our enemy is our friend ”   thing ” ,     citron kicking flare gang ass   …               satoshi & gekkouga resisting energy that was powerful enough to control zygarde & satoshi’s speech of loving this world & there being people & pokemon he loves & the absolute raw Emotion in his delivery as he shifts into the bond phenomenon along with the return of   …   the Thing with the white background & black paint splatters   (seriously ,     people responsible for those ,     hit me up & let me treat y’all )   …   poetic cinema   …               in the midst of fighting against fleur - de - lis ,     satoshi honestly dropped some intense fucking lines ,     not gonna lie ,     & you can’t deny ,     like   …   “ fighting instinct, whatever   …   there’s more to a pokemon’s power than that.     i’ve realized during my journey   …   that me & my pokemon’s strength is constantly believing in each other   …   & constantly loving each other no matter what.     if you don’t get it, i will show you here & now !! ”   &   “fleur - de - lis !!     i don’t care if you hate this world or not ;     the world belongs to humans & pokemon alike.     it belongs to everyone !!     stop being selfish & talking about   …   how you’re going to destroy or change it, or that we won’t live to see tomorrow !!     those who will meet someone dear to them tomorrow, those who will achieve their dreams tomorrow, those who will start their journeys as trainers tomorrow, & those whose wounds will heal tomorrow ;     each & every one of them has their own tomorrow !!     you have no good reason to not let them see that tomorrow !!     that’s why   …   me & my pokemon will fight for their tomorrow !! ”   were some raw as fuck lines .               & speaking of raw as fuck   …   holy shit did eureka bringing squishy back to its senses absolutely tear me apart   …               this child   …   she’s scared for her life & in tears ,     but she’s not crying for herself ,     she’s crying for the one she’d promised to protect & never let go of   …   & she finds it in herself to sing to it the song she’d made up just for it & that she’d sung & hummed to it throughout their journeying together   …   & the more she sings it ,     the louder she does so ,     hoping ,     knowing   …   it will help bring her friend back   …   & it does .               & ,     if you listen closely ,     you can hear edward in the background absolutely sobbing just remembering it all .               oh but the emo shit doesn’t end there ,     oh no - no - no   …   there’s the citroid .               i have one image for that   …

                                135 - 136 / xy&z42 - 43.

putting aside the rocket gang also kicking flare gang ass & continuing to broadcast live coverage of the mayhem unfolding ,     i think we all know who the true hero of the zygarde arc was .               it was eureka ,     that’s who .               she befriended a basically - god & saved it & protected it & made it & another basically - god of it’s kind realize that the world is worth saving .               i love her & i’m proud of her .               that being said   …   eureka tickling a spot on the other z - core while saying that squishy likes when she does that & it just nodding next to her like she’s said the wisest truth in the universe was really hecking cute .               the little detail of daigo kissing his key stone to activate mega evolution was neat ,     & oh damn carne & the gym leaders assembling to assist   …   they came in ready to kick ass & kick ass they did .               everyone charging in on the megalith ,     even the rocket gang joining in ,     the back - to - back champion fighting ,     everyone doing everything within their power to save hari & stop the maglith   …   & the zygarde   !!!   “ we have set our hopes on humans.     she has protected us this whole time.     she promised she would never let us go.     now it is our turn !! ”   oh honey   …               i’m telling you ,     eureka saved the world with her kindness .               but the use of the piano instrumental of squishy’s song when the zygarde are saying goodbye & the ending song bye nyarth was illegal ,     bye .

                                137 / xy&z44.

honestly just someone instantly recognizing satoshi from the league made me really happy somehow ,     especially since the only other time someone’s recognized him from a league that i can name of the top of my head was masato way back in advanced .               the citroid learning about the joys of gym battles all over again was really nice ,     too .

                                138 / xy&z45.

serena deciding to hold a pokemon performance in miare city’s square to lift everybody’s spirits higher with sana & musashi joining her in it absolutely lit my heart up ,     so i’d say serena was quite successful in her plan .               also ,     satoshi pointing out things he knows are of interest to serena while they’re out in the city & him pulling her along by the hand to battle when he notices her being gloomy was really cute & sweet  ;          i might not be on board for them as a ship but man i can so absolutely see the appeal .               also - also ,     the mention of pokemon contests   !!!   which makes me think that it’d be really interesting for serena to meet with haruka & hikari & their rivals & face off against them ,     which i know we’ll never get to see but it’s nice to think about .               also - also - also ,     yashio saying she’s a fan of serena’s & the beginning of dori dori kicking in really yanked at my heart strings & still makes me instantly turn into a tearful mess ,     thanks .

                                139 / xy&z46.

the long - distance battling with satoshi - gekkouga was really nice ,     especially since i’m particularly fond of any & all scenes that display the powers / abilities brought out by the bond phenomenon   ( something i might make a post on some day ,     actually ,     since it really is such an interesting thing to think about )   …   but alas ,     it was time to say goodbye to gekkouga   …   it was sad ,     yes ,     but the knowledge that their bond will always connect them no matter the physical distance is a comfort   …                    the promise between squishy & eureka to go on an adventure again when eureka’s a trainer sort of punched me in the soul ,     honestly .

                                140 / xy&z47.

hanako & okido   !!!   pikachu squishing his face on the monitor   !!!   satoshi leaning way into the camera   !!!   it was all so cute !!               also ,     rocket gang editing the footage they filmed so that it looked like they were the ones responsible for the defeat of the flare gang & it actually working  ;          i also really liked the little heh detail with the solrock & lunatone keychains as a nudge about the upcoming sumo series .               but good lord eureka’s speech to dedenne about not wanting to say goodbye either but knowing that they have to & that one day she’ll become a trainer with dedenne as her partner   …   i barely skimmed over that part while rewatching the episode & even two lines from it made me start crying .               also ,     what does it say about me that the first thing i thought when citron said   “ [..] can i also ask one last favor ??     there is something i want to do very badly. ”   was if he wanted to kiss satoshi too ??               i will say though ,     them having one last battle before parting ways warmed my heart a lot   …               the flashbacks of everyone’s adventures throughout this journey & the glimpses of what the side cast were up to hit me in the emotions ,     but what truly played my heart like a violin concerto   …   was satoshi coming home .               there was no big fanfare ,     no grand welcome back ,     just a boy returning to his home town after a long journey ,     nothing but the sounds of the night accompanying him as he makes his way to his house ,     followed by a message of   “ & to your own way. ” ,     unlike in previous finales where the send - off was   “ next time   …   a new beginning   !! ” ,     a sign that ,     from here on out ,     we are no longer going to follow satoshi ,     that ,     though he still has a ways to go before achieving his goal of becoming a pokemon master ,     we won’t be accompanying him on his next journey .               the way satoshi arriving in masara town was executed   …   it felt final & it really felt like coming home .               & i for one can only wish satoshi the best on his next adventure .

[thewidowstanton]

Jessica Connell, Circa ensemble member, specialising in aerials and hula-hoops: Peepshow

Australian circus artist Jessica Connell trained at the National Institute of Circus Arts in Melbourne, having formerly been a member of the Flying Fruit Fly Circus in the twin cities of Albury-Wodonga, where she spent most of her childhood. She has performed all over Australia, and in 2009 contributed to A4 circus ensemble’s first production, Downpour. Two years later she joined leading Australian circus company Circa and undertook an eight-month season of Wunderkammer at the Chamäleon Theatre in Berlin, and a three-month tour of the Helpmann Award-winning show, Circa.

Her first new creation for the company was ‘S’ at the Brisbane Festival in September 2012, and she has since appeared in – and helped create – many of the company’s productions, including Opus and Il Ritorno. Now Jess returns to London – having performed in a season of Opus at the Barbican – to appear in the European premiere of Peepshow. It runs during the Underbelly Festival at the Southbank Centre in London from 27 June – 18 August. She chats to Liz Arratoon.

The Widow Stanton: How old were you when you started at the Flying Fruit Fly Circus? Jessica Connell: I started at around 13 or 14 in their professional training group. Before that I’d just dabbled in a few weekend classes and done a bit of dance, a bit of tennis, a bit of martial arts.

What made you choose to go there; were you sporty? I was always probably more creative than sporty. I had a big family and we were home-schooled for a little bit but my parents were quite art orientated. We did a lot of plays and a lot of art at home, which was really lovely. My sister pursued ballet and I got into that for a little bit and I did a little bit of gymnastics but I think I really missed the artistic side of ballet and things I’d been doing in my youth. So my father suggested trying out the circus because he’d had an affiliation with them when he was younger. So it was kind of the mesh of two worlds that I’d been playing with since I was quite young.

Is anyone else in your family a performer; your sister? No, my sister became the mother of four beautiful children. Much to my dismay no one has yet followed me. [Laughs] It’s always been my dream for one of my sisters to come onstage with me but my youngest sister, who’s still in high school, is pursuing music at the minute. She’s been in some young productions so maybe there’s still hope. 

When did you graduate from NICA? I actually didn’t graduate. I went there for a year. Kind of before going to NICA I had introduced myself to Circa and about halfway through, Yaron [Lifschitz, Circa’s artistic director] just got in contact with me and offered me some short contracts, but it wasn’t until he offered me a full-time contract that I left at the end of that first year.

Impressive, Jess! Circus-school dropout is what I call myself. [Laughs]

Not at all. Wonderful to be so good that you’re spirited away! But which aerial disciplines did you do there? Primarily swinging trapeze, but since joining Circa I’ve done static trapeze and I’ve slowly moved into the world of single point as well. I don’t do trapeze in Peepshow; we have another stunning trapeze artist.

How useful has it been to have an aerial and a ground-based discipline? It’s been really good. It definitely made me more versatile, which was fantastic. Hoops was something I kind of came into later and it was probably the key that made me more versatile as a performer, so in a show if an aerial can’t be rigged I have another skill to draw on. And as I get a little bit older, it’s also incredibly interesting how to use, not just the physical skill, but perhaps the performance skill or the physical exploration and try to translate them from one to the other. Hoops has this beautiful flow, as does a dance trapeze. However, to try and disrupt that flow both on a trapeze and a hula hoop has always been something that was really fun and interesting.  So they definitely made me more versatile but they also challenged me mentally as to how to approach those two disciplines.

And to keep both skills at the required level is quite something. Definitely.

So what had first attracted you to Circa? It’s different for everybody but coming from an artistic background – and while I absolutely love the physical side of circus – circus was such an exciting world for me, because I had started what I thought was a little bit late. The Flying Fruit Fly takes kids as young as eight and most of my friends had been there since they were that age, so starting at 14… they even made a note of: “You’re pretty old to be starting but you have the right mentality so come on in.” So coming into this world of people who can be physical within their own… means, like, I wasn’t forced to be flexible or forced to be strong or forced to be tiny; I was accepted for who I was and asked to explore that.

So that got me into circus and then in my first year I went to see Circa’s The Space Between in Melbourne – we would go on excursions to see other shows – and for me what I loved about the circus was amplified by Circa. I saw these three individuals on stage with unique and interesting, not just bodies, but mentalities and personalities and it really shone through to me, so, yeah, it just amplified what I was finding I already loved about circus and it really brought it to life. It expressed it on stage in a way I’d never seen; that honesty and beauty is what just drove my desire to work for them.

So, you approached them; what advice would you offer to someone wanting to get into the company? Definitely making yourself known and expressing an interest in why you like it. In all honestly I can’t even remember what I said to Yaron [laughs] but maybe I told him why I wanted to work for the company from definitely a young age, because I knew that one day I wanted to work for Circa or a similar company. The idea of working for a home company was pretty exciting. But I also  channelled my creative energy and what I trained in so my disciplines were honed in on that world, and even then I pursued swinging trapeze less and got more into static trapeze because I knew that Circa was a smaller touring company.

Let’s jump ahead a bit, how did you cope with doing the same thing every night for eight months in Berlin? And we’re about to do it again! There’s something really exciting about doing the same show for eight months, and what I’m most excited about and how I coped the first time was… there’s a level of precision and exploration that you can get into when you do the same thing every night that I could never get touring a show or doing multiple shows like we normally do. For a whole week I could experiment onstage with breath, or timing, or just micro things like eyeline, and those sorts of things that really make an act unique and precise.

Because in circus you have so much freedom, we do a trick roughly in this musical timing together, and then we get from A to B however we want. That freedom is incredibly liberating but I don’t think you always get that. In Circa we’re quite lucky and we do get that freedom, which keeps things alive and interesting and rich.

Circa’s schedule can be relentless. How do you protect yourself from injury? Making sure I’m physically ready before we go on tour is really important. I just try to be as strong and healthy as I can be and, when we’re on tour, relentlessly doing physio programmes and those sorts of things, ensuring that the parts of your body that are weaker – because everybody has weaknesses – are always being maintained or in check. And then massage and lots of saunas and swimming if possible. And also kind of being smart, like it is a big tour, be sensible.  

There are so many new Aussie circus companies coming up; is circus regarded as a new sport option for young people there now? Australia is obviously quite a young country and I’ve been watching circus change and develop there since I was little. We have influences from all around the world, like in Fruit Fly we had Chinese, French, Russian in the skills we learnt but I also think now especially I’m seeing Australia have its own voice in the circus world. We still draw from those inspirations but I feel in the last decade Australia is starting to find its own voice.

I think that’s drawing people in. It’s becoming more known, because it’s more ours. And because we’re touring Australia more and more as well, it’s just the awareness of circus as an option, and the more circuses pop up, the more they offer workshops or classes, or even just shows to spread the awareness. Even Circa, when I first joined, we toured very little in Australia. We’d have a small tour every year, but as the company’s grown I’ve spent more and more time in community outreach and Australian tours and I think other companies are using that too and it’s spreading the word.

What can you tell us about Peepshow? Peepshow is our new little baby, and has been pretty exciting and wonderful. It’s still very new and fresh trying to find the right words to describe it, but ultimately it’s about showing and about looking and about being looked at. For some people the name might make them think of something quite sexual, which it can be but it’s also about having the freedom to show and be looked at and take your own emotions or stories… as often in our work, we’re not really telling a story or even trying to tell anybody what to think, we’re merely showing them something and hoping that they will take their own story from that.

Which of your skills will you be using? Mostly I do group acrobatics and hula hoops. Interestingly, when I first joined the company, I was more of a middle and base, but now I’ve moved a little bit more into the flying world, so that’s really new and fun and fresh for me to evolve through the world of acrobatics. I’m also involved in a few kind of quirky less-physical acts, which is really fun.

I’ve seen Libby McDonnell’s wonderful sequinned costumes for Peepshow! Yes [laughs]. As well as doing the costumes, Libby is also assistant director so she’s been a powerhouse woman as always. What do you like about creating a show as an ensemble with Yaron? I often think we’re quite lucky. Sometimes Yaron does come in with a really strong idea but he allows that to form and grow depending on who is expressing his idea. That’s really wonderful for a physical performer, and then at the same time, he sometimes says: “Has anybody got any ideas?” And we have the freedom to try to bring something on to the stage.  It’s incredibly rewarding. And what’s really lovely is how the shows at Circa can influence one another, like I see so much of ’S’ in other shows but a better, stronger more developed version of the ideas we came up with when we made the show.

Do you enjoy travelling and life on the road? Yeah I do, definitely. There are always moments when you get a bit nostalgic, you miss home, Australia. And my family don’t travel very much so to see them it’s usually me flying home. So there are those parts of it but I’ve been doing it for so long, it’s very much a way of life. I have my suitcase and I do enjoy it. I love exploring and taking photos; travelling and photography and circus, I guess, really go hand in hand. At the minute I still really love the lifestyle. 

Is photography one of your hobbies away from circus? Yes, definitely. My friends used to call me The Hobby Queen, because I can’t sit still. I also sketch, which I did when I was younger with my family. I’m trying to learn guitar but I’m pretty terrible. I love cooking. I’m definitely Jack-of-all-trades. I don’t really specialise in anything else. Circus is probably my main drive.

Can you pick out the best bit of your career so far? There are probably a million amazing things but last year we went to a small circus community and maybe, having grown up in a circus community, it really resonated with me. We spent a week with these kids from Yak Yak Yak and Cycas Circus making a quick pop-up show for the festival they were in and yeah, it was in Cairns, so regional Australia, and circus kids making a show. I don’t know how, but this show came together. I’d probably only known the kids for a week, but I had not felt this sense of pride in a really long time. It kind of reminded me about why I love the circus and how it helped me as a young child. Probably that is my most recent wonderful experience I’ve had at work. It’s still sitting with me and still makes me really proud and happy to do what I do. 

Do you have any particular ambitions for the future? I’m not sure. I’m quite happy where I am; I really do love photography at the moment but I couldn’t see myself leaving the world I’m in now to just do photography. It’s so hard. As long as I’m in this world I’m happy and excited and I’m hoping the future will unfold… I’ll find myself becoming a circus photographer and director if I have the right skills, if I keep pushing myself and growing in this world, my next path will reveal itself to me.

Jess appears in Circa’s Peepshow during the Underbelly Festival at the Southbank Centre in London from 27 June – 18 August 2018.

Picture credits: Pedro Greig; Kurt Petersen; Chris Herzfeld For Peepshow tickets, click here Twitter: @CircaPresents @UnderbellyFest @southbankcentre   

Follow @TheWidowStanton on Twitter

[childpsychnurse-blog]

The Bad Kid

Disclaimer: all names and identifying information about patients have been modified. Please see “About and Disclaimer” for more information.

I don’t know what my first post should be about.

Sometimes my work is sad. Sometimes it’s funny. Sometimes it’s hopeful. Sometimes it’s disheartening. Sometimes it’s fun. Sometimes it sucks. A lot of the time it’s downright weird.

I love it and would not trade it for anywhere else, at least not right now.

I think the first story I’ll share is one from when I first started, back when I was still learning how to coach and advocate and manage behaviors and be a part of this wild and crazy thing. It may not be the most interesting story I have but it was pretty instrumental in my own development. There were two defining moments in this day: one that taught me about myself and about the vulnerability that still touches us as staff, and one that greatly deepened my understanding of my patients and their humanity.

A little background: on my unit everyone starts as “coaches,” including the nurses. The coaches are a little like the CNA’s of the psych world. You could also call them mental health techs. They’re the ones who are the most “on the floor.” They wake kids up, take them to breakfast, teach them skills’ groups, run their schedules, chart on them, call nurses with concerns, monitor conversations, and basically do a good chunk of the ground work. They’re amazing, and the thought process is that anyone who will be managing the coaches (such as the nurses) should have a solid handle on the job first. The work they do and skills they learn are also pretty foundational to all the behavioral management the nurses do, hence all the nurses spend a few months working in the coaching role. The reason I’m sharing all this detail, although perhaps it is a little excessive, is that this story is from when I was working as a coach in my first month or two as a new hire.

My assignment on this particular day was to work with our younger teenager group. Working with this group can have pros and cons from a staff’s perspective. They can be a lot of fun, have a great sense of humor, and tend to be more engaged than the older teens who can check out and be “too cool” for peer groups. They can also be super sassy and overly fueled by peer pressure and insecurity. Some of our kids are very sweet and they come to our unit for a variety of reasons, so groups (and individuals) can change a lot. This particular hodgepodge of kiddos I was to work with was a bit notorious for being difficult to manage.

I was having a terrible day with them.

They were arguing with me about any sort of limit or task demand I tried to impose, they were whispering to each other and sharing personal information (a big no-no for lots of safety reasons), and we were making very little progress on much of anything. I found myself swept up into a series of power-struggles and on the verge of tears but trying to put on a tough front.

One kid was particularly challenging. He was in for aggression or something like that, I don’t really know and it doesn't really matter. He kept calling me bad words and pulling the rest of the group even more off-track. He was in and out of group, and emotionally I was done with him pretty early on in the shift. He’ll come up again later in this post.

Eventually another patient went into a crisis that necessitated the rest of us leaving and transitioning to a different area of the unit. We sat in the living area, arguing, and me wondering how the hell I thought I could do this job.

The first defining experience that came out of the day for me happened in that living area. Another staff was over there with a kid who was assigned to have an individual staff rather than being in a peer group. This kid was asleep, and the staff came over to check in with me.

“Hey, how’s it going?”

I look at her. “It’s okay. Well, I don’t know. I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do with this group.”

She nods at looks at the kids, drawing penises and writing down phone numbers and cuss words, then looks back at me. “You need a break.”

“Nah, the shift’s almost over. I’ll be fine.”

My coworker shakes her head. “No, you NEED a break. Trade with me. [My patient] is sleeping anyway; you just have to be here so he has access to a staff. Get some charting done, I’ll finish out with your group.”

Almost reluctantly but with a great deal of unacknowledged relief, I agree. She takes my group and I go sit in the nursing station and chart while checking on the sleeping patient.

There were a lot of things going through my head. First of all, I’m supposed to me a nurse. I went through an incredibly intense program and I did it. I got here. I’m supposed to be a leader. I’m supposed to be strong. Did I just fail? I think I might have. I shouldn’t have been power-struggling that much with the kids, that wasn’t helping anyone and was making it worse. I was letting them control me. None of my interventions worked, I can’t be a leader here, who am I kidding?

Then, in the middle of the nursing station, another thought. What does it mean to experience weakness as strength? We’re only human, after all. If I’m around people in crisis, I’m going to be in crisis too. What I can control is how I chose to respond to it, how I chose to take care of myself, how I chose to cope. And it’s okay for the kids to see that, maybe even healthy for them to see someone model functional ways to deal with that kind of emotion, and also to see the impacts they can have on other people.

It’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to ask for a change. It’s okay to have an emotional reaction, even if you’re the staff. This job is hard. These kids are sick. You didn’t make them sick, but you can help keep them safe. You do need to take care of yourself if you want to last here, and taking a break is sometimes part of that self-care.

I was fortunate enough to have some follow-up at the end of that shift that would become the second defining moment for me in my job of that day.

We moved our sleeping friend and I was back to helping with evening routine and getting kids into bed. The patient I mentioned earlier was sitting in the hall, refusing to brush his teeth, go into his room, or complete pretty much anything that had been set out as an expectation. He was chatting with a peer.

“This unit used to be one floor, you know, then they added upstairs,” he told the peer. He glances briefly at me, then away. “I’ve been here a lot. I’m a bad kid.”

This kid has, quite frankly, been pissing me off and hurting my feelings all day. His words in that moment, however, grab at my heartstrings and completely catch me off-guard.

“Dude,” I tell him, “you’re not a bad kid. You’ve made some bad choices but they don’t define who you are. You can still make good choices.”

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Y'all only ever say something when we’re being bad, nobody says anything when we’re being good.”

He’s right and I know it. Not about the entire unit: lots of staff members are good at positive reinforcement. But I haven’t been doing that today and chances are that a lot of coaches haven’t been recently, especially with this guy. I own it.

“You’re right. I haven’t said anything when you’re doing a good job, and I’m sorry. I should have. That’s on me, and I’ll work on it.”

He shrugs and doesn’t say much else. Shortly thereafter though he does go back into his bedroom and go to sleep.

I’m a bad kid.

Is that a story I tell myself when I’m frustrated with the kids? That they’re just bad kids? Does that thought, lurking in my subconscious, influence and drive the way I interact with them and the interventions I choose?

Some of these kids have been through hell. Some of them have lived on the streets, been abused, grown up in the foster system, and/or never had any sort of positive role model. And that’s not even factoring in the pressure of whatever is going on in their heads: anxiety, depression, shame, or voices outside of their cognitive control. They do make choices and they need to take ownership of their actions, but sometimes those choices are infinitely harder for them because of factors way outside of their control.

And they’re just KIDS.

They’re not bad kids. They’re just kids. They want the same things any kid wants: love. Acceptance. Security. Food. Water. Safety. Rest. Look at Maslow’s hierarchy. We see that all the time.

As it happens, I worked with that particular group again a few days later. The personality of the group had evolved slightly due to discharges and admits but was more or less the same, and my friend from the previous shift was still there. I focused really hard on praising that patient when he was making good choices, however small they were. I worked on not power struggling with the group and talking to them like adults. I let them know I expected them to be respectful and take ownership of their own learning and skill building because it would help them, but I wasn’t going to patronize them and was willing to be flexible on how we ran the day as long as they were respectful and somewhat engaged.

They had a great day.

And I had a great day with them, working with the group of great kids that just needed a little extra help and compassion.

[flatmagazine-blog]

Nicole Ruggiero & The Feminine Digital

Article by Emma Howcroft

I came across Nicole Ruggiero's work by way of a growing fascination with the diverse, often dream-like realm of digital art. Having been around for the "freaks and geeks" era of the internet, I still remember the predecessors to contemporary digital art: sketchy Photoshop manipulations on Deviantart, which evolved into confessional, stylized pixel imagery on websites like Tumblr (à la Molly Soda and Arvida Bystrom), all of which has culminated into deeply complex, nuanced 3D scenes, often finding a home on Instagram. Ruggiero's work hits on all of these—herself having grown up on old-school Photoshop—but also develops its ownparticular sense of sterile intimacy and detail that sets the work apart.

Ruggiero’s images are impressive in their completeness: her renderings illustrate her obvious skill in crafting and coding. However, it is Ruggiero's interplay between body and femininity that makes the work seductive. She pairs robotic, idealized female forms with softness, maybe adding a splash of purple hickeys, or a coffee mug, a heart-shaped double bed, or a glowing iPhone screen to an otherwise alien landscape. Ruggiero's work injects humanity into its inhumanity. The synthetic bodies she creates feel alive, and they are filled with sorrow, delight, and a wonderful girlishness that recall digital art’s diversity and limitlessness.

How did you start creating digital art? I started creating digital art when I was 12. I asked my dad for a Wacom tablet for Christmas and I started painting in Photoshop. I studied graphic design in school and started doing 3D about a year and a half ago.

What types of obstacles are unique to an artist creating 3D digital art?

Well for me, in 3D, you have to think about a lot more than just creating something digital in 2D. Instead of just designing a figure, you also have to act like a photographer/videographer posing a model, creating a set, doing the lighting, and positioning the camera.

How do your images usually come together? Do you plan everything out beforehand or do things fall into place as you go? I definitely don’t completely plan things out beforehand — I find that to be kind of restricting. I usually go into a piece with a general idea and execute from there. I think it’s fun when things sort of just come together after working with them. Sometimes I hate a piece and then I post it and realize I actually love it and sometimes the opposite happens and I wind up deleting it.

How does the iPhone and Apple influence your work? Hahaha, tbh I love Apple products. I actually can’t even use Apple computers anymore for my work because they aren’t powerful enough but the design that goes into the products really resonates with my perfectionist/minimalist side.

What role does femininity play in your images? How does your conception of femininity interact with technology as a whole? Ummm, I -love- femininity. In myself and in other people, I’m very attracted to it. I think there’s something in a person that can access both his or her feminine and masculine sides. Since masculinity is already so accepted in society and within the 3D art field, I think it’s important to have a representation of femininity.

A lot of your images feel confessional, do any of your own personal narratives influence your work? Haha, yes. Definitely. I didn’t realize that came out so heavily. My work is based on my own emotions and personal experiences. When I sit down to create a piece I draw from things that I have been feeling most recently and express that in a way I feel that people will relate to it. It’s almost cathartic for me in a sense.

Any plans for future projects? For sure! I’ve been working on an AR exhibition for the past few months with Molly Soda and Refrakt. [...] After that I’m planning on doing a VR project, I’m in talks with a few people right now who want to work on that with me. At the end of the Summer I want to do an exhibition in Berlin with my artist collective, Post Vision. And by the end of the year I want to have a solo show. Lots of plans! LOL. Is there anyone you’d love to collaborate with? I’d love to collaborate with a VR company soon to host a dual VR/IRL experience in a space in either NYC or California.

Any advice for young artists looking to begin creating digital art? Just keep at it! The learning curve is really steep but once you get over that it’s a lot easier. The world of 3D is great. Because it’s not over-saturated, you’re more visible than you would be if you entered a field like graphic design or digital painting, or something similar that’s been around for a while.

[mantra4ia]

Salty Fangirl Moment, Vol 1

Strong Female Characters/Roles and views which subvert their impact

If you are reading this, I’m sorry. There really are better expository pieces out there about Female Lead Roles, but I wanted to share my reaction to types of opposition and extremism about two projects with strong female leads: Wonder Woman and Doctor Who. (spoilers ahead)

1. Wonder Woman (and the Conservative Curmudgeons)

I saw Wonder Woman multiple times from opening weekend up until today, in English and Spanish, with friends, by myself, and nothing has lessened my joy each time I watch. The movie has foibles in plot and some action sequences, but not when it comes to well written, acted, character, and that for me gives lots of leniency toward other missteps. Chris Pine is wonderfully genuine and generous in his acting to support the project and help everyone else shine, as do the other actors. Gal Gadot does not have much dialogue to carry, but she is expressive and really captures Wonder Woman’s youthful exuberance which was so refreshing. I loved the color grading, I loved the balance of big action and small moments and, DC movie fans can hate me all they desire, I love how it felt like a ‘Marvel movie’. Don’t get me wrong, I have liked some DC movies (Man of Steel, BvS, etc), but from recent experience I think Marvel has been stronger at building characters, relationship dynamics, and ensemble and letting them tell a story, whereas DC has been stronger at building plots, conflicts, action points, and then dropping characters in so that we as an audience watch them react and witness individual character growth. In that sense Wonder Woman felt ‘Marvel’ due to the character focused lens. And overall it was a solid 'A' because it was fun, spirited, passionate, and it filled the tank of enthusiasm as I left the theater each time.

But recently I confronted a group of women, and upon sharing my love for the film (casually in conversation of course *not*, it’s wasn’t as if I steered the conversation with a truth lasso *I totally did*) I was met with a lukewarm response. Still I pressed on trying to get to the source of resistance, countering each potential concern- 

> “I loved it. 1. Even if you’re burned out of superhero movies, I think you’ll really like this. It’s character focused, and while it has a ‘mission’ the focus is really on two characters and their ‘we’re not in Kansas anymore’ stories. 2. If you like DC movies, you’ll like this, and if you’ve been disappointed by DC movies, you’ll still like this/ you should give it a chance because  it’s not your typical origin story, it has a strong ensemble, it’s well paced for the most part (it doesn’t feel like a 2+ hour film, it flies!!!), and it’s a feel good film. 3. This is a passion project for all of those involved, you can really tell because it’s not a good superhero film, it’s a good film period.”

>>At this point, their reservations thawed and they asked “it sounds interesting, what’s it about?” 

Now my mind is blown, because I realize they don’t know who Wonder Woman is from comics or hype, they haven’t seen articles or promo pics or previews (how is this possible), and I’m in charge of the classic elevator summary.

>“Oh, well it’s about Diana, aka Wonder Woman, she grows up on an island of amazon women sheltered from the outside world by Zeus, honing her skills as a warrior under the guidance of her aunt and mother to be on guard for Aries God of War. This all changes when Diana saves a human man, Chris Pine-” 

 >> “He’s from Star Trek, right?”

> “Yeah, sure. He’s a pilot who stumbled through the barrier from WWI and she joins his return to the war against the wishes of her family, because she believes she’s on Aries’ trail. So they get to the war and she helps fight back against Dr. Poison and the Germans…”

>> “Woah, she’s fighting Nazis. That’s too political for me. I don’t like it.” 

> “But…but…you haven’t seen the trailer or gotten to know the characters.”

>> “Why does everything have to be about Nazis?”

> “That’s what I am saying: it’s not about Nazis. Its superhero fiction, it’s about fighting injustice whether it has a real world context or not.”

>> “I’m not going to see it, it sounds like it’s trying to make a statement or be trendy.”

dfggdjfjfklkghjdghghjdghjtkh,jkknfgkgfdghbdf,hvhgdjutg!!!!!!!!! AGGGGGH! Wonder Woman has been an icon forever and a day, and the best you can call her is trendy?!

For the love of god, you are ‘entitled’ to your like/dislike opinion but only on the contingent of citing the source material. Watch a trailer, and critique a movie intelligently for its content: acting / writing / pacing / shot selection/ cinematic style, or draw comparisons to other films for context. If you form an opinion without any ‘research’ I guess you’re allowed, but I’m allowed to call that opinion (not you as a person, but that particular statement) ignorant, ill-informed, fledgling, and flippant.

2. Doctor Who - 13th Doctor (and the Heel Draggers and Super Enthusiasts)

The casting of the 13th Doctor suffers the same kind of character undermining, but this time from men and women on both extreme ends of the spectrum. We’ve got, in a similar vein to the curmudgeons but at least more informed, the heel-draggers: 

>>“1) Why do they have to cast a woman just because it’s PC/ a stunt/ publicity, 2) why do they have to shove an agenda in our face and 3) insult the traditions of the show I love. I’m not watching anymore.“

> I hardly think it has to do with the dreaded, often misused, recently catch-all term that we call political correctness. Out of all the regenerations, the dice isn’t always going to land on the same side. Secondly, believe it or not, all stories have an agenda called plot or arc, each writer/director/show runner has one. A casting choice of a different sex is not an agenda. And lastly, the show/fandom has many traditions; the fandom becomes richer as those traditions evolve, and the mark of a good writer/director/show runner is knowing the balance of constancy and change, and applying changes carefully with character or plot driven purpose. Sonic shades, sonic screwdriver, both? Converse or loafers? Raggedy or disco? As long as the Doctor is still the Doctor, still travels in the TARDIS, still values the same things, still has their past, and still has a companion, we might just survive!

But we also have the super enthusiasts who will fire first and ask questions later at any sign of dissent over the 13th Doctor. -

>>“1) The future is Female! Yes! Protect Jodie Whitaker at all cost. 2) Why are you worried about this casting, why aren’t you excited, you just don’t want the Doctor to be a woman. 3) Why don’t you like the trailer, you just don’t like change. 4) Power/ Control, we’ve got your superheroes, Doctors… 4) NOW A WHOLE BUNCH OF YOUNG GIRLS CAN COSPLAY AS THE DOCTOR (caps not mine, copied from a post)”

>Yes, the future is female, but a) that’s under the assumption she identifies as female and b) puleeeeasse Jodie Whitaker can protect herself as she feels so inclined, as can the whole Doctor Who creative team. Listen to opposition and evaluate if they have a valid point before you leap. Secondly, I’m not excited because I didn’t want the casting to be spoiled for me and it was, not because a woman was cast. And I’m not worried about a woman being cast - I can envision actresses in the part. I have concerns about Jodie Whitaker’s casting in conjunction with other circumstances outside her control.  Every regeneration is always a gut check, and change is by nature uncomfortable: I’ve enjoyed and grown used to the male Doctor and companion dynamic, it doesn’t mean you should assume I hate the idea of a female doctor. Jodie in particular presents a challenge because I know her and associate her with roles that bias me, including Broadchurch and The Assets. Again, my bias = no one’s problem but mine. I think she’s mega talented, but in this case her notability makes me more uneasy as opposed to a hypothetical niche-known actress of equal talent; I like Doctor Who’s recent track record at finding someone “new” and Jodie is not as ‘new’ to me as I had hoped. I would have been more enthusiastic for someone who, unlike Jodie, hadn’t worked so recently with Chibnall, the new showrunner, to inject fresh excitement. Or at least if Bill, Nardol, or even Missy were still around to ease us in as a focal point that the audience can transition through, like Rose for Tennant or Clara for Capaldi. So ultimately its the culmination of ‘clean slate’ circumstances that I find most unnerving, not solely the new Doctor. And I still have to get over the “Doctor Who Stages of Regeneration Grief” for Capaldi before I can form a passionate opinion of a new actor. 

Thirdly, I don’t like the “Introducing Jodie Whitaker” trailer because of the marketing choice - I find it boring and ‘too easy’ to build hype only to show Jodie’s face out from under a hood. It sends the absolutely wrong message for me that she’s a woman, not she’s the Doctor. Eccleston got to speak, Tennant got to speak, Matt Smith same, John Hurt same, Capaldi didn’t, but his first marketing intro was in the context of an episode in action, saving Gallifrey, being the Doctor, so it felt right. This felt a little cheap. And to those who see this as an opportunity for a female to be in power/control of the title role, give me a break. We’re not watching the same show. Doctor Who has never been about the Doctor being in control, more often than not it’s the TARDIS or companions, a majority of which have been played by actresses, that demonstrate force, a guiding hand, etc. I’m happy to have a female in the title role, I’m not happy with the fans who have narrowed the scope and don’t recognize the power that female characters have had all along in Doctor Who. Lastly, SWEET RASSILON ALIVE, girls have already been cosplaying as the Doctor since time immemorial because they identify with the character first not the actor/actress. I’m happy you’re happy that girls have an easily identifiable role model, but if you are going to praise the value of transcending gender roles assigned to a specific sex, its gotta work both ways or you are diminishing the character value.

My biggest grievance common to the people in all three points of opposition is the inability to simultaneously: 

Have their own preferences while at the same time stepping outside their perspective to role play someone else’s view 

Realize that both views can exist without invalidation of each other and

Undervaluing the IMPORTANCE OF THE WELL-WRITTEN CHARACTER. 

So if everyone can do me a favor? Let’s have a moment of silence and LISTEN to Wonder Woman and the Doctor. Thank you.

[teechew]

auggusst a réagi à votre billet : *is hype alone for her own character story*

People care about your OCs though lol no one gives a shit about mine

Aww I am sorry to hear that... It takes time and luck for people to take interest in other’s OC! I was extremly lucky... but I know that the more you talk about them, the more people will get attached! Think of it like this: For each player, Other people Oc’s are like PNJ or their story. Would you care for an pnj you have seen one or twice and they didn’t do anything special ? I would not.

Make them live! Play with them, draw them, write for them! 

But you need to make it the right way! Appeal people! Drawing a waist-up of your character is good... But then what ? It’s not enough to get an NPC interesting! Put storytelling in your drawing! Not only this will make people wonder what’s the story behind the picture but also who’s the characters and such! Draw short comic (serious or silly!)! If you’re unsure about your drawing skills for the tale you want to tell the write it! Like I do myself! And if you doupt about your writting skills ? In french we have a  proverb: it’s in forging that we become blacksmith! Yes, the first draft will be horrible when you’ll look back on it, but that would only mean you had grown and you can only get better !

Start with little stories, bits of slice of life. then write an adventure for them! Nobody likes stagnant character, make them evolve and learn! You’ll learn too at the same time!

And more important, and because I lack vocabulary I will sound blunt and I apologize. But do it for yourself! Yes seeing people liking your art and character feels good! support and questions about your characters are always appreciated! I know it well I was there two years ago! Playing with my dolls in my own sandbox... I was posting some ask meme and nobody would sent me ask about it... So I ended up filling them up “for me” and because it helped me construct a more stable character... But I was on my own. It’s sad, especiallly when you compare yourself to “bigger kids” with bigger sandboxes... But please... PLEASE! Have fun, don’t force yourself to do something to have more notes. Don’t compare yourself to these big kids.

I really cannot tell you more advice... you have to get lucky and have a spotlight on you many time before people notices you and your oc... The only thing I can tell you is to keep working on them, make them better and then people will see them!

[writebadsongs-blog]

An interview with Dutch Carson

What do you get when you mix indie rock with a dash of country & western, a pinch of classic rock, and a few dollops of soul? Dutch Carson’s musical stylings have all the ingredients for a recipe your ears will thank you for. Guitar. Mandolin. Powerful, yet soothing vocals. Emo. Indie. Country. Rock ’n Roll. All of this comes together to create a beautiful, tasty, and unique landscape of sound and story: Dutch Carson’s Story.

I’m excited to share Dutch’s thoughts with you:

Why do you write?

I write to to satisfy a need in myself. I can’t entirely explain it, but I’ve always had the strong desire to write - but never really started developing the skill itself until recently. I suppose I’ve always had strong emotions and feelings - ideas even - but just left it at that...never really trying to articulate them.

What are some unique practices or rituals you use in your writing? (For generating new ideas or finishing songs, etc.) 

It’s hard to say whether or not my practices are unique or not. So far, most of the songs that I’ve written have just come to me in a burst of creativity. A thought that just popped into my head and being able to recognize the moment has been the biggest thing for me. Saying to myself “get some paper or get your phone and write this down” and then typically it all just kind of pours out. There have been maybe one or two songs that I’ve written that have been a conscious or deliberate attempt to write on a certain topic. This for me is definitely harder and definitely more dependent on my mood. Whenever I’ve written like that I just have to reach deep and really let the concept of the song consume me.

Have you written bad songs? Share some excerpts with me if you feel comfortable! How have you grown since?

I personally feel I’ve written some bad songs. Of course some might say that that is a subjective matter. I think when I picked up the guitar again after a long while away from it I’d written a song about going out and meeting girls that was pretty bad. Things like “finish my spliff and I get right into it” and “the boys” and “the crew” were mentioned. Yeah, it makes me laugh when I think about it in a really uncomfortable kind of way.

What is a lyric you’re proud of writing?

A lyric that I am proud of

“I’ve seen so many hearts that are shiny, but pyrite, well it shines just like gold...And oh, how I saw you sparkle, but when I took a bite I almost broke a tooth”

You’ve only recently started writing songs, but you’ve been playing with Minor Birds who has been involved in music for a long time. Do you see those perspectives clashing?  What have you learned from that experience?

I’ve been writing stuff on guitar for awhile now but I’ve always just been too self conscious and in my head too much about writing lyrics that don’t sound basic and cliche. I’m finally starting to overcome that and it’s been an amazing and rewarding experience. Touring and having the opportunity to play with Chelsea from Minor Birds has been an amazing experience - she has been my mentor for close to 2 years now and I don’t think I’d be half as far as I’ve come in my development as a singer-songwriter without her. She is a brilliant singer and songwriter and musician all together. Touring and opening shows for her has given me a rocket boost in my career and allowed me to progress much faster. I’ve learned a great deal from her not only about writing but some of the ins and outs of the business. I suppose, in some situations where an experienced musician was working with a fairly inexperienced musician there could be some problems, however Chelsea is also a highly patient person and a natural mentor. I think the biggest thing I’ve learned from Chelsea aside from songwriting is tour etiquette/ show etiquette. I think there are a lot of young musicians out there that go into a show or touring that are maybe unintentionally rude or do things unintentionally without knowing that it isn’t okay.

You have a very unique approach to your music. Some people might describe as folk or even alt-country. But I think it’s a little like taking a classic farmhouse full of history and placing it in the bustle of downtown New York City, it’s wonderful. Talk to me about how you’ve evolved to where you are: What has influenced your style? What draws you to the music you write?

Haha, thank you. I like the way you put it.

I do feel like a total mashed up ball of music, and although the music I write goes so many different directions, the style I am currently focusing on that does seem to be recurring right now are musical roots that take me back to my childhood...or when I was living abroad and homesick somehow became more fond to me and became evermore so. When I write it’s completely intuitive. I don’t spend a ton of time thinking about the next line or the best words. That comes later in the refining process to help clean up the message I am trying to get across or to support what I was feeling when I first wrote the song.

I’ve also started reading a book called “ Lost Highway” by Peter Guralnick that has further more fueled my passion for roots country and the amazing stories of the people who pioneered a whole genre. I don’t in anyway connect with the country music that’s been released in the last 25 years or so (apart from a hand full of artists that are trying to return to what country used to be).Like I said though, If you were to flip through the video catalogue of unfinished projects on my phone you might be shocked to find the diversity and eclectic mix of sounds that I tend to create - but for the sake of taking things one step at a time, I’m starting where it seems some mysterious force is directing me.

[avaliveradio]

7.22 New Music Monday Release Radar Playlist with Jacqueline Jax

Explore some exciting new music from creators all over the world recently discovered by our host Jacqueline Jax as she searches the far corners of the globe for talented songwriters and music creators who are telling their truth to bring the listener a unique experience. This show offers everything for fans of New Music from Rock to HipHop and Acoustic Songwriter styles that speak volumes through great song writing. You’ll love the lyrics and unique music we have just discovered for this segment. 

Listen to the show across all broadcasts:

SHOW AIRS MONDAY 7.22 at 12 pm et across all broadcasts.

The Anchor Fm page : https://anchor.fm/ava-live-radio

iHeartRadio station page : https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-AVA-Live-Radio-Musi-29336730/

The Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2toX0f3dPmI8gmUSOKZicxi

Artist: Population U

New Release: If I bend

Genre: Alt Rock, rock

Located in: Anaheim, Ca USA

This song is about the harsh realization that things change, and being rigid about that change, can hold you back from moving forward.

The music we are creating is an embodiment of our eclectic influences. "If I Bend" highlights our musical versatility. It pulls from our country influences (Johnny Cash, Hank Williams. etc.). As a group, we've never attempted to draw from our country influences, but by stepping out of our comfort zone, we feel we created something heartfelt with raw emotion. We were very happy with the result. We hope you enjoy it!

Right now we are getting ready for an acoustic performance at Gallagher's in Huntington Beach, Ca on Saturday, July 20. On Sunday, July 21, we are having an open audition for dancers for our upcoming video shoot in August. That one is for our single "Now You See".

LINKS:  https://www.reverbnation.com/populationu https://open.spotify.com/artist/02vPDEV6Eqm4tbozbKDNHL https://twitter.com/populationu https://www.facebook.com/populationu instagram.com/populationumusic

Artist: Cabela and Schmitt

New Release: Who She's Gonna Be

Genre: Alt/country/folk/singer-songwriter

Located in: Nebraska and Colorado

We're watching our little one from the very beginning. What they see, learn and say. We can't help but wonder. This song speaks to the amazing gift of new life and the beautiful wonders we get to experience through it.

We are working on our 9th album release to be put out in October.

LINKS:  https://open.spotify.com/track/6QUluly2lmquz2KfnrdV7V?si=3WmXY4JqQ9iGozyTL7IPAg https://soundcloud.com/user-473833568/who-shes-gonna-be Twitter: @CabelaSchmitt https://www.facebook.com/cabelaschmittmusic https://www.instagram.com/cabelaandschmitt www.cabelaandschmitt.com

Artist: Eidolight

New Release: Chosen Words

Genre: Rock, Alternative Rock, Electro-rock

Located in: : Reno, NV USA

Coining the phrase "Electernative Rock", Eidolight is a unique blend of electronic sounds with alternative rock roots and coffeehouse songwriting.

If Red Hot Chili Peppers, Beck, and The Beatles had musical offspring, they would name her Eidolight. Three years in the making, their debut album, On This Day, will be released August 2019.

This song is the first single from our debut album and our first-ever publicly released music. We are excited to share our blended style of music, which we have dubbed Electernative Rock.

We just released our first single, Chosen Words. On August 16 we are releasing our debut album, On This Day.

LINKS:  https://open.spotify.com/track/0mDaIfHRfRm1vZmn6uSFJj https://www.facebook.com/eidolightmusic https://twitter.com/ediolightmusic www.eidolight.com https://www.instagram.com/eidolightmusic https://store.cdbaby.com/cd/eidolight

Artist: Heavy Kollider

New Release: No Fear

Genre: Pop Rock Elettronic

Located in: : Italy

Heavy Kollider is an Italian Pop-Rock Band, formed by Sergio Bigotta and Paolo Tentarelli in 2015.

The band’s name is inspired by the Heavy ion collider project, as a metaphor of a collision between Appearance and Reality. The logo shows a neural network and Braille coding together as symbols of Technology that help people to overcome barriers.

The sound: Heavy Kollider’s music is composed of many ingredients, such as Rock Pop, Dance, Electro and Cinematic, and by beautiful blend melodies, captivating lyrics, powerful rhythms and crushing guitar riffs. The main influences: Muse, Foo Fighters, Sia, Alice Cooper, Image Dragons, and Coldplay. No Fear is a pop hit song that shouts to people to be brave even when life is dark.

Our music is for giving hope to people to overcome life challenges. This new album release gives us the chance to explore musically new sounds and songwriting from Rock, Electronic to Jazz keeping always with our attitude. We have also a cinematic soul that you can feel in our arrangement. We are happy to have released our new Album.

LINKS:  https://open.spotify.com/track/6E6AEZnwwHEuZKN7Orrzrs?si=ah4e18u6TUKC712m0fGp0A https://twitter.com/heavykollider https://www.facebook.com/heavykollider https://www.instagram.com/heavykollider

Artist: Dijah

New Release: Check Cut ( Releasing Saturday July 20th, 2019)

Genre: HipHop

Located in:  Phoenix, Arizona

Dijah , aka Dijah Matik created her sound and label Signature Sound Entertainment in early 2019 where she has been unstoppable in making her way to the top.

She was born and raised on the island of Jamaica where she was first introduced to music by playing the drum set and then evolving into an amazing poet which then exposed her to writing music about topics she enjoys. This new single "Check Cut" exposes Dijah's Jamaican roots as you listen further blended with a Trap/Rap Flow. She is mostly influenced by old school HipHop from Lauryn Hill, EVE, Missy Elliot, The Fugees, Tupac, Nas, and The Notorious BIG.

This song is significant because to Dijah it stands out with her style and flow. The beat connected with her so much that she mixed her authentic Jamaican dialect with her old school trap flow.

The composition of the beat, as well as the creative mixing skills behind it from the Legion Beats Team, also made it one of her favorite projects ever.

The release of this project is big for me because of the level I have taken myself as an independent artist. I desire to reach people with my music who have an open mind and enjoy entertainment and music in a world filled with chaos.

In the past couple of years, I have grown as a musician, songwriter, and independent business owner. I have not yet sold out my first show and this initial step to launch my new single is the next step to get there to live my passion and to materialize my dream while constantly feeding musical sensations to my faithful supporters.

Right Now we are working on my 6th single called "Sexy" and also putting ideas together for a music video for "Moments Like This" It's an awesome Journey!

LINKS:  www.dijahuniverse.com  https://open.spotify.com/artist/0h0Hi8rei9apK56BNWr0RP (Spotify) https://twitter.com/dijahxdijah (Twitter) https://www.facebook.com/dijahmusic (Facebook) https://www.instagram.com/dijahxdijah (Instagram)

Artist: Suniil Bhatia (Artist)/ Sound Machine (Band)

New Release: Ummeedein (Acopu

Genre: Indie Acoustic Pop Rock

Located in: Mumbai

This is the acoustic version of a new song called 'Ummeedein' which means 'Hopes' from the album 'Yeh Din' meaning 'These Days.

This is an album with Hindi vocals. Songs would be in their original and acoustic versions. It's an extension of the Electronic Music being Produced by Sound Machine and the Acoustic sounds which have been there from the past.

I am working on more songs to complete the Album.

LINKS:  https://www.reverbnation.com/sunilbhatia/song/30979894-ummeedein-acoustic https://soundcloud.com/sunil-bhatia/ummeedein-acoustic https://twitter.com/sunilbhatia https://www.instagram.com/sonu.sunil.bhatia https://www.facebook.com/YoursMusically

Artist: Travis Heeter

New Release: Shallow Waters

Genre: Experimental (but geared towards rock, electronic, hybrid/cinematic music)

Located in: : Vienna, OH

Shallow Waters is part of the beginning of the next generation of the Travis Heeter brand. The song is about the struggles of everyday life that many can relate to.

In everyday life, there will be times where others will judge you, whether its race, religion, your goals in life, or why you are here in the first place.

There will also be times where you get pushed around to the point where you're not good enough for anyone or anything. It's during those times, you have to stick up for yourself and do what’s right for you.

My next album has a 5+ year plan. While documenting my next album, I also go to concerts and network with other acts and feature them on my show! As of right now, we are about to reach the end of the first season of Beta Access, which is a segment of my web series, Codename: Project Space! Beta Access showcases the demos/concepts on what my next album will sound like once I start working on the full-length album!

LINKS:  https://www.reverbnation.com/travisheeter/song/30973156-shallow-waters https://open.spotify.com/track/6GVnQYE30pKZ0iM2VFSxDb?si=yvnXobJvQBGRheUzKN3_pg http://www.twitter.com/_travisheeter_ http://www.facebook.com/OfficialTravisHeeter https://www.instagram.com/travisheetermusic

[decolonizepr-blog]

La Voz en el Baúl

If you know me from a distance, or only met me after I had grown considerably in age and fearfulness, you probably wouldn’t know that I was a musical child.  Back then, my brother-cousin would cry at my outshine him performer antics (he raps now btw).  Little did I know that when I showed up to  ExAlt Summer Collaborative Training Program to up my facilitation game and communication skills, I’d find her again.  The little performer: self-assured, warm, playful, flamboyant. So there I was, self-directing my learning towards a core realization.  In order to continue taking off the mask of my (anthropological) expertise and find its essence, I’d have to return to the past, and change it. turned to the agile learning model in order to evolve my inner facilitator and communicator.  I gained some techniques, games and strategies, but the real gift was so much more. A container to practice inhabiting the tense places and elements of perpetual praxis.

Freedom and autonomy // self and collective // pedagogy and social action //  

Key elements suddenly refracted through song, play and dance.

I arrived first day, 9 am “sharp” (almost late), to the start of ExAlt summer. Signed on to the collective agreements as I quickly took off my shoes. I was happy though, they meant business with a prompt start time.  

A kind, insightful soul (who I’d later learn was Rubén) began stomping rhythmically.  He was an anchor providing a constancy.clean.clear.continous

We clumsily followed suit and sang-mumbled the words to our “theme song.” Giggling. A bit awkward. But curious

 Al centro del corazón, del corazón hacia el centro

Al centro del corazón, del corazón hacia el centro

Al centro del corazón, del corazón hacia el centro

Soy el tejido, soy el tejedor

Soy el sueño y el sonador

soy el tejido, soy el tejedor

soy el sueño y el sonador

Things would rapidly change. By day two, our bodies in synch—song followed by spontaneous grounding. We sway together, raise vibrations. Support one another.  Oh, I thought: so, this is somatics. Simple, and yet, profound. Yini and I whispered about the edges. The body. Not only tool, but vehicle too.

And no amount of words could convey the depth of learning.  The beauty was that words were not central. Words that were not tethered to action had no use. I draw from the center point of the mainstream—the mind—slowly.

I stood in my power. Generating and reflecting all at once.  Cuidadores.

Mothers. Children. Young. Old(ish).

Transformation, I was reminded, is inherent capacity in us.

A bit of conscious attention and support and I explode

opening up to infinite possibilities of the shape that I might take. Driven by the intensity of words, some called for time and space to integrate.

This is too fast.

How can I soften the razors edge of hurt and fear

I cry. I practice resetting. (energy) ninja training.

Witnessing and shifting what is my normal way of responding with love and detachment Not what was once withheld from me.

Letting go. The never-ending practice

-praxis-

(sometimes, if you can’t let go. you just get dragged. you fill up and break instead).

I am enduring the perpetual repetitions that can only be undone by my response to you.  Forget your notes.

A new rhythm: Breathe first.

Reset.

Reset.

Reset.

Finding your gift was the culminating workshop, a visualization-led exercise that lasted 45 minutes. What?! That’s impossible.

Time travel.part(s)200trillion  

She had really been around all along--LuzMar--la lluvia--But it was in this final meditation that I remembered her, la voz que no dejo salir...not really anyway. 

But upon “awakening, ” I can’t really remember.  As with other experiences deep in my sub-conscious, it remained as a sensation in the body, a trace.  Dolor en la garganta.  I wondered if this was enough to share as I listened to others tell vivid accounts.  I did anyway. Speak. At the last possible second just before our guide closed the sharing.  Following an urge that goes against how I usually am with words (measured, obsessive), I spoke.  Without knowing what I would say, I spoke, answering the request that we simply share something that happened for us in that time.

It was voice that I saw. 

Others want more but I find nothing else to give, noting a vibrant calenton spread rapidly throughout my body. It mimicked the look of one who is embarrassed or ashamed, but without that deep sinking feeling at the center.  By letting that voice out of the trunk, I found a fuller expression. desde el corazón.

Cedió a la parte inconsciente de mí que quiere hablar. Quiere jugar.  Quiere reflejar el amor en.ti

/a ti/

Y así se dio mi intenciones del primer día. Photo finish.  

Then, the end. 

Now, my beginning.

Our autonomy is dependent of course on assuming responsibility. With (or more than likely) without, the applause. Freedom means not judging others. Even with the tools of NVC, I find that a tough cookie to crumble.   And yet, neither of these is really possible without a collective. Without a container. Without a praxis.

The energetic signatures of those five days linger in me, weaving painfully-disruptively in the fire of July-and now, pre-eclipse season. I am burning through past expectations with a speed that is hard on my body.  I scream. And then, I hear Alex, as he send us off, “Remember how you are feeling right now, and call upon these sentiments. Clarity, confidence, contentedness and remember them.  These nonphysical things are what connect us.”  

I sit quietly now, in an empty apartment that I will soon abandon again. Uprooted. Searching. Remembering all of you and the things we witnessed in one another:

 //strength and gentle vulnerability// creativity and compassion//

These memories foretell of beautiful things yet to come. I want to be ready. seguimos.