#it feels weird because i cant quite describe it

[lycanthian]

in a weird emotion rn

[felidthing]

absolutely wild that a doctor who had spoken to me about three times and possibly gathered information from other people who'd known me about a week could write down the he thought i had BPD and when i asked if there was some way for them to figure out/point me in the direction of whether i might havd adhd or autism or something they said "oh we dont do any assessments sorry"

[waku-waku-week]

does anybody have tv show recs that don't stink of buzzfeed

[mainfaggot]

I wish I didn't tell one of my close friends that I cut. she really didnt get it when I told her about it

[noobsoconfusing]

‘heartworm’_hamzahthefantastic

tired and sleepy conversations with your boyfriend who doesn’t shut the fuck up .

fluff, suggestive talk about martin, family ideas, cuddling in bed, established relationship.

>_<

one thing you noticed about your boyfriend is that he has many things inside his head, a raging –almost painful– need to tell you everything he is thinking about, and while you thank him for the trust, you can’t help but wonder if he analyses the things he says out loud before verbally vomiting them.

“y/n, are you awake?” hamzah’s voice came out soft and groggy, his low tone dragging in a whisper made you open your eyes almost so quick that it hurt.

“hmm, yes.” you replied, adjusting your sight to the dark room.

“do you…wanna talk?” he shifted on the bed, turning his body to face yours. he had a small smile as he looked at you. you felt warm.

the way his hair was messy, and his face so naturally familiar to you felt almost dreamy.

hamzah’s big sleepy eyes made your heart feel like a cooker bomb. weird comparison but to be honest you could almost feel the way it was going to explode anytime.

and god, you love him so much. unexplainably so damn much. he thought the same of you.

“cant sleep, huh?” you asked, getting closer to his body under the covers, but then you felt how one of your cats, probably blue, squealed. he was probably sound asleep between hamzah’s body and yourself, always looking for warmth. the protection of his cat parents

“mmm, nope, not really.” he sighed. “have so much stuff going on, you know? inside my mind, i mean.” he admitted, one of his hands travelled to your face, and he stroked your cheek only to feel some sort of contact. “so fuckin’ pretty, huh, you’re my pretty girl..”

you leaned into the touch like a needy pet, and he couldn’t help but smile, heart feeling full.

“whats inside your mind, hamzah?” you asked curiously.

although you were extremely tired and sleepy, hamzah always came first to you. soul intimacy was important, not only sex, and you wanted to know what was bothering him or keeping him awake at such indecent hours.

“you. always.” oh. “like, for real, y/n, and i don’t wanna sound obsessed, even though yeah, i am pretty much obsessed with you–,” he paused to swallow. your heart felt so heavy with a feeling you couldn’t quite describe, but only hamzah made you feel. “i am always thinking about you.”

to be reciprocated, to be seen. hamzah made you feel seen, as he pretty much matched your deep feelings for him. –oh, y/n, you match my freak!– his voice filled your head. so nice.

“i feel the same way” you bluntly said. “each day i feel like we have been dating for my whole life, because this crazy funny feeling never really goes away.” by that you meant, the exciting feeling of expectation and young love.

first love.

he giggled, low tone. “right! i know, it’s like, okay, like i feel like i am a kid in love, you know? all silly and nervous around you, but at the same time i feel like we have been married for ages!”

to be reciprocated, to be seen. to be in love.

“i love you, hamzah.” you admitted, your voice suddenly softer.

and he didn’t reply, instead, he lifted the covers all the way up till they were engulfing your bodies, the closeness was comforting, and his arms moved around your frame until a hug was crafted. so perfect and tender. his body was like a boiler, providing you of heat, almost like a heat pad for cramps… but man sized.

he looked at you, big round eyes silently speaking, hoping you hear them, –god i love you, i love you so much you’re my fucking world, i wanna spend my whole damn life by your side.– silent confession.

instead, he says;

“have you ever had tapeworms?” hamzah asks out of the blue.

you blink. blink twice. then three times. and then you sigh, remembering your boyfriend was just, well, just like that. it didn’t ruin the atmosphere though, you enjoyed… whatever the fuck he was trying to say.

“hmmm, i don’t think i have had tapeworms, no” you answer snuggling up to his bare chest.

hamzah hums. “it’s fine, me neither by the way, i just asked ‘cause whenever i think of you my heart feels like it’s got a tapeworm inside of it…”

silly, you thought. lovely.

“yeah. i think i know what you mean.”

“i think it’s in the way we match each other so fucking well, yeah? i never thought i could find a person that just… loves me… for what i am…” he said and you felt your heart skip a beat.

your eyebrows furrowed. “elaborate.”

“for instance, you’re my friend, but also my girlfriend, but also my wife, but also my best friend, and not only that, you’re also like, my life partner, you know?”

ugh, stupid fucking feelings. you felt so deeply about hamzah that your heart felt like it could burst out anytime.

“hey, i love you so much it’s almost overwhelming.” you admitted, melting into his touch. “for so long i thought nobody would ever notice me or listen to me or even just, be my friend. or try to take the time to understand me…” your voice lowered at the end of your sentence.

he groaned at how close you were. satisfaction, of course.

“you’re so beautiful, y/n.” he kissed the top of your head. “like, i also thought that martin would be my only friend forever, as scary as it sounds.” he laughed and you did too.

“hey! martin’s nice!” you defended your friend.

“i mean yeah, i love him too, but it’s different. not in the way i love you, and i know he doesn’t love me in the way he loves mandy.” he explained.

“yeah, i know.” you laughed sleepily, as you leaned onto hamzah’s body. it helped a ton that he slept shirtless because you liked the raw closeness.

“martin is cool, but if i had never met you, i would have blue balls and an empty heart!”

“and gay allegations, still.” you added, laughing.

“but most importantly blue balls..” hamzah said serious, with a sigh.

“huh?!”

“i can’t fuck martin. i can’t make love to martin, though, just think about it.”

“dude…” you said, trying not to burst out laughing out loud.

“i have thought about it, but only before meeting you, it’s just weird!” hamzah explained, with a nervous smile on his face.

“you don’t have to think about that, hamzah!” a smile creeped up on your lips. an awkward one.

“right, i know.” he defended himself-, “i don’t think about it anymore, i was just a lonely man before you, though.” ah, you knew that.

every time they could, mandy and martin made sure to tell you how much of a loner miserable man hamzah was. a painfully single dude. even the slushies would be constantly commenting jokes about it.

“because you’re weird that’s why…” you joked and he clicked his tongue. “that’s why i love you”

“you know, before you; it was my hand, lotion, tissues and me against the world.” he listed as if it was a great accomplishment.

as if it was something super fucking serious. to be fair, it was very serious to him.

“no video?” you joked. it felt so nice and genuine to talk about silly stuff like this with your man.

he stopped to think for a second. “nah, just my imagination. always imagined you though, even before meeting you i always imagined someone like you.” he kissed your forehead.

“wow, how romantic, it’s almost as if you’re not talking about beating your meat.”

as you both comfortably joked and laughed, a nice silence filled the room.

hamzah pulled you closer, which you thought was physically impossible, but still, your body thanked his devotion for physical affection.

his low voice broke the silence.

“y/n…”

“yes, hamzah?”

he sighed, holding your waist close to his own. you could feel him, feel him merging with your body, but it was nice, not really anything more than intimacy.

“i can’t wait to have a family with you.” he said, the weight of the confession leaving his chest felt so good.

your eyes opened wide. and you stuttered to reply.

“we are a family.” you said.

the cats, him, you. yeah, a family as god intended, right? but still, you knew what he meant. and you wanted it too.

“do you think we’ll be good parents?” he asked, the tone in his voice indicating he was being honest, being hopeful. he hoped for you to say yes so badly.

you thought for a moment…

“i think we’ll be okay, hamzah.” yeah.

“we’ll be okay, love.” he said, but it was almost as if he was trying to reassure himself.

hamzah wanted a big family, and he liked thinking about caring for the little humans you’d create together.

and the room filled with silence yet again, as you heard his calm breathing, you realised he had fallen asleep. the comfort of his embrace made you fall asleep as well.

hamzah felt so safe with you, so understood. never judged at all. he said weird stuff, but you always had a smile on your face. never grossed out by him, never angry, always loving.

it was nice. to be reciprocated, to be seen.

the heartworm inside his heart wiggled happy, eating his flesh and leaving a trace of only you.

>_<

hope u liked this. i did. heh.

[anonymous-eggy]

Quest with an artist Mc

bc i cant stop thinking ab himb....

i wrote this very impulsively so. yeah. theres a bit of horny towards the end, but theres also fluffy sweet things

• he learns of you being an artist when you find the time to create bloomic fanart.

• and you got endless showers of praise from him on how good it was (especially if the fanart included Xander)

• he just thinks its so neat. his artistic expression of choice is poetry, so he's not much of an artist when it comes to drawing.

• he can draw some basic flowers, but thats where his talents end.

• no matter your usual art media, buy gold (body safe) paint and paint his scars. kind of like how you paint the cracks of repaired pottery and such? except make it a vulnerable bonding experience.

• he has many scars all around his body from past accidents and gang related violence.

• i feel like he gets really insecure about them sometimes and worries theyll make you think too much about his past

• but seeing you turn them into something golden and beautiful with such ease and affection... gives him a new appreciation for those parts of him.

• he loves it even more when you connect nearby scars like intricate rivers of gold flowing across his body.

• make sure you fill the comfortable silence with lovely soft words of affirmation and kisses every now and then for the best results.

• absolutely call him your golden boy.

• the only issue is that he feels really bad for having to eventually wash them off.

• so take pictures and send them to him for just you two to hold onto ;)

• despite feeling bad about washing them off, he always feels so much better about his scars and body.

• and let him know this is exactly how you see his scars <3

• i feel like during times when you're not able to paint on him because of a late shift or something, he just looks back at the pictures and replays the soft memories for comfort.

• this is more towards the beginning of your relationship with him, when his insecurities about his past bothering you were the worst

• moving on from that, he is the perfect man to reference.

• he would find it so very funny if you ever complained about parts of him that are hard to draw.

• i could imagine just sitting there watching him work out and just... drawing the way his muscles flex and the way his body bends... dear lord those thighs...

• when you first did this, he immediately noticed. he didnt quite have the courage to ask if you were drawing him (after all, forms of art are very personal things)

• but when he sees you're staring at the sketchbook page more than him, he decides to take a break and ask you.

• not because he's getting jealous of the notebook. hes not a jealous person. the curiosity just takes over because the stares mean you're stuck on smthn or you're finished.

• and boy is he beyond flattered. flustered even.

• he's never really... thought much about himself. physically and mentally. so the fact that he's worth being sketched touches his very soul.

• if you're the type of artist who loves gushing over defined shapes and begin to ramble about the shapes that you love about him, his cheeks will be red and he will patiently listen to every word you have to say.

• as weird as it is to listen to someone describe his physical features with such passion, there's something special about the way you talk about it.

• especially if you suddenly realize what you're saying and get flustered.

• he likes feeling like art when its you. he loves the way you map out his body and turn the shapes of him into strokes of graphite poetry.

• .... he wouldnt mind if you drew him suggestively as well... so long as its for your eyes and his eyes only...

• of course there would be teasing about just how much you seem to adore his body, but never in a way that deters you from sketching him more.

• which, knowing Quest, his teasing quickly veers into horny territory. at the very least deep kisses.

• he says he just want to "give you more inspiration" and that "its his job as your muse"

• he definitely develops a fixation on your hands specifically. the way your hands trace his body delicately as if trying to memorize every line of him while making out with him on his lap.

• it absolutely drives him insane.

• the way his large hands encircle your wrist while his fingers press on your palms in bed. or when his fingers tangle with yours. and he can see you looking at it. memorizing every moment of it. of him. of the emotions tied to the image.

• that part he loves the most about your art. the pure emotion of it captured so perfectly

• oh yeah it definitely awakens something in him. especially if he finds you sketching those the next day peacfully at your desk.

• honestly i think you being an artist just changes the way he sees things. in the best of ways.

• he also finds himself massaging your hands absent mindedly while cuddling. and softly kissing them... they work so hard and he wants to take care of them for you.

• he is just so very happy to be your favorite muse.

~sigh. time to make a Blooming Panic section on my masterlist...

[dollhouse-lied]

Creepypasta headcannons i have

Tw: sh mention, murder talk, sex talk (light)

Jeff the killer

He comes off extremely rude and he is, what you see is what you get with him

He is the definition of a pervert, almost obsessed with sex. Hes extremely non committal, but he has enough respect for his hookup to let them know that its not anything more than a hookup to him

He is very unkempt, rarely showering. Because of this he REEKS of axe body spray. Shower in a can.

His clothes all have some level of blood or dirt on them, he only washes clothes when they are borderline unwearable.

He will never admit it, but he has a soft spot for animals. However, if he comes across a hurt animal, he will “put it out of its misery” even if the animal could live.

His room has piles of random things hes stolen from his victims, including a box full of family photos. His reasoning is that he doesn't want the victims familys to have any keepsakes. The rest of the creepypastas think its weird.

He spends most his days laying in bed on his phone or playing video games with ben, waiting for night so he can go pick out and stalk his victims.

He puts great care into choosing his victims, mainly choosing the ones who look like they could put up a fight. He lives for the struggle, feeling that adrenaline rush and satisfaction for when he finally kills them

Eyeless jack

Hes a sweetheart to those he cares about, choosing to spend his time around people he knows. He comes off very stoic, but in reality he just doesn't know how to interact with people.

He has a large knowledge about medicine and how to treat wounds that has made his room very popular in the mansion. He offers his services for free, but he doesn't offer any numbing or anesthesia if you happen to need something like stitches.

He is very quiet, only speaking if he has something important to say.

He doesn't quite know how to keep a romantic relationship, but he tries his best. He is devoted to his partner, treating them like a god/godess.

His victims are all women, particularly pretty women. He enjoys breaking something delicate and fragile, cutting them open and displaying their pretty organs.

He likes to “play” with his victims, often splaying them out like an art piece with the organs he doesn't eat hidden around the house.

His room is oddly neat, with little bloodstains or dirt. He hates messes, obsessive over keeping a steril environment for his “patients”. He doesn't even eat in his room, fearing a spill.

Ticci toby

Toby is…. something alright.

He is the definition of bipolar, switching between happy and bubbly to homicidal and aggressive at the drop of a pin.

He is usually found up in a tree, watching the forest. He takes comfort in knowing that the world goes on when hes not there.

He is suicidal, but usually takes out his emotions by hacking up someone. Murder is his favorite coping mechanism, treating the victims dismemberment as a sort of “play therapy”

He doesn't have a favorite type of victim, but he does tend to kill more men than women, rarely choosing to kill children. They scream too much.

His partner, if he was stable enough to get one, would be treated well enough, receiving gifts and little signs of affection. He isnt the touchy feely type, as he cant really *feel* it. It might be nice for the partner, but toby isnt THAT considerate

He keeps his room clean, but it does get messy when hes having a down swing.

He is kind of a hoarder, having shelves full of various trinkets and rocks he likes.

He also has a book of pressed flowers, as he feels safest while in nature. The natural world is beautiful to him, keeping him sane.

Ben drowned

Ben is a little shit. Poltergeist is the best term to describe him, constantly tormenting the residents of the mansion by messing with their electronics.

He can fly, but it takes effort, something ben doesn't really like to put in. He walks most the time.

He can enter people's electronics at his whim, pissing off everyone with his antics

He loves going through peoples cameras and inserting himself into the photos while in the digital world, as well as deleting random apps

He loves anime, often putting the shows on 1.5x speed so he can watch quicker. Hes totally a weeb, having posters of attack on titan and jjk up in his room

Speaking of his room, its a disaster. He hasnt cleaned it in god knows how long and it stinks like ass covered up by the cherry incense he lights.

He isn't interested in romance, it has never occurred to him that someone may be interested in him.

Hes very self centered, doing most things soley for his benefit.

He doesn't really like killing, as it takes too much energy. He would rather play video games instead.

He doesn't have to eat, but he chooses to anyways. Why not when food tastes so good?

Sally

She might be only a child, but shes not stupid. She knows that she is looked at like a stupid child so she uses that to her advantage.

She is absolutely ADORED by slender, having tea parties with him whenever she can. She sees him as a father, calling him “dad” at times.

Her room is full of stuffed animals, as she finds comfort from having them to protect her while she sleeps.

She has frequent nightmares, often waking up shaking and crying. She runs to maskys room when this happens, as she knows he will protect her. They usually end up watching tv on the couch where sally falls asleep, causing tim to carry her to her room.

She doesn't like killing, as it reminds her too much of her past. Slender refuses to have her do anything but what she wants, so she gets to be at the mansion all day, going out with the proxys to the store if needed.

Masky

He is totally hooked on cigarettes, smoking almost a third of a pack a day. He knows its bad for him, but its one of the few things that brings him joy.

He has restless leg syndrome, constantly bouncing his leg while sitting. It pisses jeff off for some reason, but to be fair everything tim does pisses jeff off.

You will often find him sitting by a body of water as he finds the sound soothing. It acts as an escape from his horrible intrusive thoughts.

He really is slenders lap dog, despite how much it irks him. He cant help it, where else is he supposed to go? He has to help slender to keep himself safe.

He always is slightly cold, wearing two layers and gloves. It pisses him off because people (jeff) are always making comments about it

He sees toby as a kid, not really realizing how much it pisses toby off. Masky feels like a parent to him, but toby sees tim as nothing more than an adult trying to control him.

His room is full of various posters of his favorite bands, specifically deftones. He keeps it tidy, but theres always a slight mess that he claims he knows where everything is, but he constantly is losing something.

He likes killing, but its also just a job. He doesn't see his victims as people, but as an obstacle he has to eliminate. He prefers killing sex offenders, as he sees it as a good deed to the world, as well as because of sally. He can't imagine a child like sally getting assaulted, so he takes them out in the most painful way he can think of.

Hes not gay… but hes definitely not straight. He cant imagine having an exclusive partner, but an open relationship would be nice.

Hoodie

Hes quiet, but he listens. He knows all the drama in the mansion, despite not personally knowing most the people involved.

Most people forget he exists, which is exactly how he wants it. Hes not one to get in anyones way.

He loves sally, giving her gifts, flowers, anything she wants. Sally sees him only as tims friend, not really as a caretaker.

He constantly gets on maskys nerves by taking his things and using them, placing them back in a place he knows tim will look and know it was moved.

He has feelings for tim, but doesn't quite know how to express them, so he just plays little pranks and smacks his ass. Thats his idea of flirting. Tim doesn't find it funny.

He loves weed, and smoking a blunt in the woods is his ideal night. He always smells like weed, which is part of why sally doesnt really like him.

Hes a clean person, keeping his room comfortable and in order. He showers a little too infrequently, sometimes having greasy hair for a couple days too long.

He has a mild drinking problem, but he is aware of it and is trying to cut back, choosing to smoke instead.

Clockwork

BAD BITCH ALERT!!!

She's muscular, but mainly trains for strength instead of looks. She exercises obsessively, bordering on unhealthy amounts.

Shes a total gym bro, drinking protein shakes that she keeps in the mini fridge in her room specifically so no one steals her food.

She and nina are best friends despite being polar opposites. They work out together, nina usually tapping out long before clockwork does.

She is brash, not afraid to speak her mind or punch someone if needed.

She hates all men, but can tolerate masky, hoodie and toby. They treat her well enough, respecting her boundaries.

She loves killing men, joining tim when he kills child predators. She knows not all men are bad, but that doesn't really matter. A man is a man, and she doesn't like them.

She loves sally, but keeps her distance. She doesn't want to be seen caring for anyone, despite desperately craving love and attention.

She wishes she could trust enough to have a partner, but she lets her fear get in the way when she has a chance. She ruins he relationships on accident without really knowing why. Its just instinct to isolate herself.

Her room is clean, clothes organized by color and a mini kitchen in the corner. She often cooks for her best friend nina.

Nina the killer

Shes THE scene queen.

She feels stupid for ever idolizing jeff after realizing who he really is so she strives to prove she is better than him.

Slender loves her, admiring her drive and ability to preform well in missions

She is especially skilled in stalking, watching her victims for days before hand

She uses social media to find victims, catfishing men and women to meet her and then killing them in their own home.

Her favorite method is strangling, as she feels it proves how strong and capable she is. She is right.

Her natural hair is light brown, but she dyes it black and pink every 2 months.

She has freckles, but she covers them up.

She spends most her days stalking or on her phone, calling people shes catfishing for hours.

Clockwork tries to pull her out of her room but after 5pm it's impossible to get her out without a food bribery.

She definitely has borderline personality disorder, but she has a handle on it. Her favorite person right now is clockwork, and when she splits on her, clockwork takes it calmly and lets her cool off. Nina always apologizes and appreciates clockwork for her patience.

She does self harm, but usually bullies herself out of it because “thats cringe”

She wants a relationship, but refuses to acknowledge that shes a lesbian.

[brightlyburningstar]

My JRWI Wonderlust e8 brain dump 🎀

SPOILERS AHEAD SO PLEASE DON'T GO PAST IF U HAVENT WATCHED OR DON'T WANT SPOLIERSSSS YOU HAVE BEEN WARNEDDDDD

ok chat so after watching that I definitelyyy have some thoughts as to what the actual fuck is happening.

starting with our favorite silly man, Troy. this episode was definitely a good showcase of not only his flaws but also how he is positively changing for "the sake of the team". in the first bit of the episode, he was very considerate and caring with runt and blink, giving his extra clothing he could have worn instead of his uniform and even his special steamsledding goggles he always wears to runt. while he is still a selfish person he is making change and thinking about others which is the start to being a better person. i can see where his reaction is coming from in the fight with lint, he quite literally left for two days and it looks like during that time nobody really went to look for him. not only that but in 48 hours he was replaced, which is crazy to think about. he is so unskilled and just unfit to be team captain that in 48 hours he was replaced. if you look at troys mannerisms and his thinking patterns he is constantly trying to convince people that he is special or needed. he seeks that approval and that gratification, which is why seeing lint take his spot is so devastating to him. without that validation he is nothing, he doesn't matter. and its not like he isn't proud of lint, it is literally stated that tears start to well up in his eyes out of joy for his friend making it as team captain. The reason he reacts so negatively is because being team captain and being a steamsledder is the last thing that made troy, well troy. He says so himself, that without the team is he anything? he even starts to hold little to no value to his steamsled, which he literally ALMOST KILLED SOMEBODY OVER MULTIPLE TIMES. everybody likes to think that they have a purpose, but this poor man has been so conditioned that he is only good for steamsledding and fighting that without the team and the things he was raised for he has no goal, no purpose, and he just breaks. which is why i have little to no ill feelings towards him in that situation. i say little to none because, yeah he could have been nicer to lint but oh well, nobody's perfect. also mans is absolutely concussed, like somebody check if his brain is bleeding at this point my god. After the lint altercation, troy becomes increasingly more violent in his words, however unlike oasis flora he doesn't actually do anything too bad anybody, he's just a lot more violent verbally and a bit less physically. its weird and its also cool because it shows his character progression after the conversation with runt and blink in e7. HOWEVER THIS TIES IN WELL TO THE CLOCKWORK TROY THEORY BECAUSE THE SOLDIERS CANT HURT THE UPLANDERS, SO HE WOULDN'T HURT THE PEOPLE UP THERE BECAUSE HE SEES THEM AS COMMONERS UNLIKE THE HYBRIDS (or whatever that kid called them, i should write that down) ahem. idk what took over me there. none the less, troy was very interesting this episode and im excited to see where this will go.

next i wanna talk about blink, our favorite owl guy. i feel like he is just loosing his morals, and as he is around troy he's adopting the very habits he looked down on him for. blink's character is a very interesting one as he started with being very rigged and having a "i have to do good and fix everything" mindset and i cant tell if it's the character being stretched or just the campaign being very wobbly (idk how else to describe it) that is causing this change in him. Wonderlust is a fascinating campaign as it is not very serious at all most times and i cant tell if blink is straying from his morals so far because of a character arch or because of the show itself. i want it to be because of a character arch but considering we are only 8 episodes in and oh so far from where we started i'm unsure. i'm a little upset at this episode in general because it kinda did this to runt too, where she was a lot more violent than normal, and i'm unsure if it is because of the show or just the circumstances the characters are under. now that i'm looking at it, an explanation could be because of how troy explained up there to be, the two of them are trying to act like troy to fit in, but then again troy is toning down the violence and aggression so idfk guys. back to blink, he is just so (idk how else to say it) weird this episode. i hope he's back to his little anxiety silly self next episode and that he has more of a plot relevance, but i know he most likely wont because were still on the upland area but oh well

my next little paragraph will be about my darling runt. We found out about her family a bit this episode, which i missed at first (i listened to it twice, about to listen to my third listen through) but am glad i caught. We learn that her parents and siblings exist but that they kinda just fucked off and left her alone, which would make sense why she doesn't know how to talk about her emotions and why she calls everything a trauma dump. because she grew up with an emotionally unavailable family that left her alone and abandoned her (i'd assume thats what happened from how she described them) she literally doesn't know how to talk about how she feels. she thinks its all unimportant and just goes on with her life. not much happened with runt this episode and similarly to blink, the few times she does have talking moments its a little out of character. i love how her and blink stood up for troy and were supportive of his shitting himself endeavors, but she didn't really do much else this episode other than just be there for the ride. not complaining tho as we got to see more runt which is always good

other stuff i wanna talk about. ripley is always cool, i love any and all ripley content and am super stoked to see what her character will do throughout this series. if she dies i will cry, and she wont guys, mark my words. also, just to make sure i'm right, were going to the prison to find may to teach us steamsledding to become a team called smokestack to beat the other teams to win the finals to go in the winners lounge to go to clocktopolis so we can find the inventor???? i am so lost and i think this is it, right??? idfk man i give up its two am and i've been writing for an hour at this point

not related to the episode at all: i feel like graphite and uncle three strings would get along fucking great and i've seen like nobody talk about either of them so can we please as a collective give both of them the love they deserve. doppler and pinch are also super cool, i love their designs. im excited to get to the inventor, the next couple episodes will be fun for sure

[surshica]

NINTENDO SWITCH !

SEVENTEEN - my little pony

masterlist <3

borders will indicate when it’s time to read the written portion!! + please excuse anything grammatically incorrect and any typos !!

﹙ᴗ﹏ᴗ﹚･｡ ⁺ ✦

yn came back to the room and placed four hot chocolates on a mini table sitting down near heiya and usagi. she took small sips of the hot chocolate; the warm chocolate taste warmed up her somewhat cold body. slight chills went down her spine due to the contrast of the heat and cold in her body. the other girls were enjoying it as well, heiya looked over at yn—letting out a small sigh before running her fingers through her hair to get rid of the knots. “ynn~”

yn looked at her with a weird expression, she knew she wanted something with that tone and they were going to be questions about chishiya. “yes heiyaaa~” the tone was the same as hers with slight mockery in it. “can you tell us what happened between you and chishiya~” heiya shook yn gently. “in return we’ll have kuina talk about how her and ann got together!!” usagi chimed in; she already knew what happened but usagi still wanted the other girls to know.

yn grumbled at first but she caved in, her door was open since her roommate was literally just her cousin. she had noticed mira was leaning against the doorframe interested in the story time too. “well..chishiya and i believe it or not are just friends.” yn smiled clasping her hands together, kuina groaned facepalming herself while usagi started laughing, heiya she had a deadpanned look on her face. “don’t give us that my little pony bullshit..” kuina huffed while heiya shook yn a little harder.

yn started laughing, “ok ok i’ll tell you guys..i cant even say dont tell anyone because i feel like everyone knows something..” yn shrugged, taking another sip of hot chocolate. “well to be honest and to be quiet fair i don’t even know what we are??” yn even questioned it herself, “i thought we were rivals but now? i feel yeah..” yn didn’t know words to how describe her feelings.

she looked at the girl who were all staring at her to give what she wanted, a small smile formed on her lips, “i have liked that stupid blonde mf since middle school and yet i still can’t find the right enough courage to tell him,” “i feel as if i need to be a step ahead of him especially in academics, though the is quite hard” yn let out a low chuckle.

kuina’s eyes formed a smile as she started to giggle as if she met her favorite actor, heiya had a big smile on her face grabbing yn by her shoulders shaking her. “i mean the tension between you two is so painfully obvious..” usagi mentioned taking a sip of her hot chocolate.

“tension? there is no tension” yn laughed aloud, kuina just shook her head “babe i love you bit the tension between the two of you is very fucking obvious.” kuina sighed in a defeat like voice, “chishiya..he’s confusing but i assure you if you ask him out—“ “but i’m not going to ask him. why should i?”

usagi gasped, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOURE NOTGONNAASKHIMOUT” usagi was shaking her so much yn got dizzy. “IF YOU ARENT GONNA ASK HIM OUT YOU DESERVE AN AWARD FOR THAT ACT.” usagi had a distressed tone in her voice, yn had to physically put her hand on her shoulder to stop usagi from shaking her.

kuina and heiya looked at eachother with disappointed looks. “listen LISTEN, i probably have a better chance dating a rock then with chishiya.” yn tried to justify herself but that also had no justice. “why do you say that yn? you don’t know that” heiya questioned with a frown.

“he has like zero interest in a relationship, so therefore he would reject me simple!” yn crossed her arms near her chest acting like she put her foot down. kuina shook her head, “what about the time you two went to a cafe?” “he was being nice” “okay and the time he saved you from niragi?” “he was told to watch over me from mira..” “i call bullshit but that’s ok..how about the time you two almost kissed” “..well it was just a nice gesture yeah”

“yeah IT WAS A NICE GESTURE.” yn tried to convince herself that there was no tension and it was just friendly gestures. “if you don’t realize i’m going to slap you.” usagi deadpanned looked at yn, sending chills down her spine. “OKAY FINE. maybe he isn’t just being nice to me and MAYBE likes me.” a small smile broke out on her lips, “you know if it wasn’t for arisu something could’ve happened” yn shrugged off the thought.

“so would you consider asking him out?” heiya questioned the indecisive girl, “hmm maybe…maybe yeah.” yn has a small tint of rose blush form onto her cheeks.

mira smiled happily before walking back to her room, “did you hear that chishiya?” mira whispered so yn and the girls couldnt hear her, “yeah..” he sounded dry but his face said otherwise. his face has never felt warmer before. since they were on facetime mira was able to see it, she let out a small giggle closing the door behind her. “are you going to make the first move orr..” she left it open like a question, “maybe. but i think maybe i’ll let her do it.” a smile crept onto his face.

﹙ᴗ﹏ᴗ﹚･｡ ⁺ ✦

tags !!

pink doesn’t work

@crinklypink @flrtsbin @4pparecium @afckingswiftiebtch @em-asian @saiewithakatana @minyoungieee @eternal-gf @kimtaehussy @theinfaethablefig @elakari @too-many-fandoms666 @lastheavcns @pyrrhicgaze @andreeasancheez @hadesdaughtwr @Iserluver @urgodmoon @nmsl0v3r @lowilaufeyson @dee-dino-man @chiishiiya @444neapolitain @wroophruh @vensworld @starsval @dr3amscap3 @kuinaheartz @bre99 @cheshireshiya @eissaaaa @sollum @conny1111 @luvelyxp @shinobuily @gelliyo @fanfangying1304 @ikon-teen @stay-moa-army @bbyjackie @naegisimp @midlystupid @yvrikoo @chepoyo @luv4kuina @vernon-dursley @itadorim @vseqvt @shigamiryuk @wonswoorld @elisiumnie @abyloxk @asoullessentity @seventeensstrawberry @cupidsaster @bubblycloudy

[oneinterests]

Hi! i really wanted to make a post describing all of my favorite books (especially since i just reorganized my bookshelf to get one whole shelf for all of my all time favorites) They’re all technically in order from “least” favorite to absolute favorites :D

8: The Golden Compass- This was one of my favorite books/movies as a kid. I wanted my own alethiometer so bad and from what i remember i actually tried making my own with paper. Rereading it again now that i’m older made me feel very nostalgic, and it’ll always hold a special place in my heart :) also the scene where Lyra eats a seal kidney raw is burned into my mind 10/10 i love the weird gory moments in this book.

7: The Subtle Knife- i never knew that The Golden compass had a sequel until a classmate asked me my favorite book- and when i said The Golden Compass he asked me if i liked the other two books. I was so shocked and for some reason never thought they would have a second book out. I really enjoyed this one, and the deaths physically made me put down the book. I 100% need to reread this one again.

6: Bluebird- From what i can remember, this was recommended to me as a Gardians of the Galaxy type adventure with a lesbian main character fighting against oppressive governments. I really enjoyed the story and the characters developments throughout it, and i should really reread it again :)

5: The Salt Grows Heavy- I finished this one in about two hours? it’s a quick and gory read that’s basically about characters from a very fucked up horror fairytale. A mermaid traveling after destroying her now deceased husbands kingdom, and a frankensteins monster like creature being haunted by their past. i love the descriptions of the two main characters and the horror is so so good. if you don’t like flowery writing (i think that’s what it’s called lol) you probably won’t like this one. i love complicated writing, especially if it’s in a novella.

4: This is How You Lose the Time War- Speaking of flowery writing, this one is basically poetry with how in depth the authors go into their writing. Two agents named Red and Blue fight on opposing sides of The Time War. This book really just throws you right into the deep end and it’s really a sink or swim type of read. I love books that make you think or ones you have to reread multiple times to appreciate everything fully :)

3: The Spirit Bates its Teeth- How do i even explain how much i love this one. It’s so horrifying but so hopeful at the same time? Meeting Daphne for the first time made me cry, she’s one of my favorite characters in the book. So many trigger warnings for this one, i thought i was ready but i had to take a break part way through reading it. So worth it though.

2: The Entire Murderbot Series (Seven books so far, and i literally cant rank them)- Quite literally one of two of my most favorite series of all time. It’s very Sci-Fi, with a self proclaimed Murderbot grudgingly saving its humans and figuring out what it wants to do after breaking free of its governor module. All of the characters are LGBTQ+, and there’s multiple polyam characters :D The only downfall is how expensive the books are, and 90% of them are novellas. I believe when i bought the first book it was $15? But i personally think it makes up for the price since i have reread them all at least four times now :)

1. The locked tomb series. (1-Nona, 2-Gideon, 3-Harrow to be specific) :D

I physically can’t describe how much i love this book series. I’m planning on getting a tattoo of one of the quotes in GTN after Alecto drops. They’re absolutely insane books, with random meme references sprinkled in. (“None Houses with left grief.” fucking threw me for a loop when i first read it) They are absolutely books you have to read multiple times to understand- the first pages in GTN took me three months to get through because i didn’t understand half of what was going on. But as soon as it clicked i flew through it and finished the book in under a week. Nona is my absolute favorite, and i annotated the shit out of my paperback copy. (Which i might make a separate post about… because i have literally no one to talk about these books with lol)

(Also yes. I do have two copies of each book… i bought the first two as paperbacks first, and the third one only had the hardcover available. I wanted a full set of matching books after reading them all, especially because i wanted to make a mini shrine for them on my shelf. i can’t wait for Alecto to come out.)

and that’s all of them so far!! i still have 39 books on my TBR shelf, so i might update this list whenever i add to it! :)

[libraford]

As a child I took comfort in thinking that I was an alien or a changling cause I was so ostracized and different from my family and peers (now I realize I was just obviously neurospicy and they didn't know how to deal with it) but now as an adult? When my friends who I've known for a long time make a joke that I'm an alien it honestly hurts cause it feels like they are invalidating me and my mental health issues.

I think it's common when you're a young person navigating mental illness to see yourself as a Different kind of Other. I had a friend who was a robot because she didnt feel emotions the same way other people did. I had another who was a fairy because she daydreamed often.

And I think it's fine even as an adult, to think of yourself that way if it helps you cope with feeling somewhat on the outside because I mean... I think there are times when I dont feel quite human, either. Like fuck it. Today I'm a ghost the way people walk right through me and act like I ain't there.

But it's one thing to decide these things for yourself, either as an adult or as a child, and a completely different thing for someone to decide that for you.

Like a lot of the 'indigo children' stuff is extra dimensional beings, or aliens, possibly angels? And theoretically it assumes children that are more emotional and empathetic, arts-leaning, and kinda weird are actually aliens (this is a broad explanation, I know) here to teach us a lesson about humanity or... something.

But if I was gonna pick a supernatural critter for me to be, I wouldnt pick an alien. I've never FELT 'not of this world.' I have always felt VERY of this world. All those traits describe me, but I'm not a damn alien.

Best guess is a gnome of some kind. Like a nisse. But taller.

Also, I cant teach shit. Figure you're own damn humanity out. Imma go live in a hollowed out log and smoke a pipe or something.

[eideticmemory]

blurb about kinky spencer what do you feel about that like early seasons to late seasons what his into it ☝🏻💥

ik everyone has their ideas about spencer reid’s sexuality between ages ~18-24 and cm rly never says much about it BUT i’ve always imagined that during college/grad school and the early seasons spencer was actually very sexually confident. i don’t mean that as in he could see someone across the room and cruise them and take them home but i think he knew what he liked. he is beautiful, that’s obvious so i imagine that when he got onto a college campus and started getting validation from all these pretty girls and pretty guys that he was like “wait…..i actually kinda have sex appeal?” and that was good bc even tho he was super insecure and younger than his classmates he was still as horny as everyone else!!! im a bi spencer truther and i think his first sexual experience was with a man and i think he felt anxious about sex with women for a while. his first time she probably had to throw herself at him but his brain was just like ???? ok??? i think shes having a good time?? but?? she cant get a boner so i cant quite tell?? this is getting long i’m sorry 😭

but i think anatomy helped him a lot. it was something he could contextualize and i can see him looking up vagina diagrams or even watching porn to figure out What To Do. and as he becomes more sexually active he becomes very good at reading body language. fucking someone and thinking “ok their legs are shaking, thats good, thats a good sign. oh they’re breathing’s faster, better keep this up” but what he liked the most was just being spoken to. he liked verbal validation during sex very much, someone who would grab his hands and put them where they wanted bc he could figure out the rest from there. once he gets out of his head a little bit is when he starts becoming vocal himself. i imagine he got a lot of questions during sex like “ru ok? ru enjoying it?” bc he would just lay there and whimper quietly bc he was overthinking everything. then one time its so good that he forgets to think and he’s moaning like a whore and it finally clicks for him “oh wow it feels even better to just let it out. oh wow they like it when i let it out” i think his kink was just pleasing someone, being good and feeling good, being able to tell himself that he did good.

in the early seasons i think he enjoyed sex and the idea of being that close to someone. i think he was touch starved and craved intimacy and he seeks it less as the show goes on. his experiences at the bau (especially the anthrax case) encouraged his germaphobia and yeah he would still get horny but he struggled to find anyone whose touch didn’t gross him out. i think that was a struggle for him for a long time. then especially after maeve he was constantly chasing the touch of a woman he had never even seen or gotten to hug. it was weird to think about while grieving her but his mind and heart craved her so much through their relationship so his body did too. he thought one day he would let someone touch him. someone he loved! and then she died in front of him so that was shot to shit. he grieved sex he would never have. i would describe his kink here as “someone i love so much i’d die for it. they could have anthrax on their tongue and i’d kiss them just because its them.”

in the later seasons after cat adams and the prison arc, i think he loses a lot of his inhibitions. basically a revelation of “i don’t have the energy to ponder on what i like and who i like” bc he feels it instantly. the moment he makes eye contact with someone, he can feel it in his tummy that he would have sex with them if they wanted. and when he feels it he flirts with humor. there’s nothing he loves more than when he banters with someone cute, making them laugh and catching a sparkle in their eye. like if they can understand each other’s minds then surely they might understand each other’s bodies. in bed he’s superrr vocal but not necessarily dirty more like “do u wanna be on top? yes i want that to” “can i take your shirt off? thank you” and putting a titty in his mouth. “can i bend your legs back a little more? i just wanna get a little deeper. tell me if its uncomfortable though” a lot of “yeah yeah yeah” when he’s drowning in it and then looking down and saying “yeah? yeah? yeah?” bc at the end of the day he stills needs to know he’s doing good

[grubus]

i've been following syonr for quite some time now (read: caught up and religiously check updates on mondays) and i actually don't remember if i ever left a comment or just repeated the words in my head enough times i forgot to say them. which is a shame, because you deserve many many warm words for the world you created.

the way you pace the story is SOO good. every arc has delicious hurt/comfort, just enough tension to make you sit on the edge of your seat and the characters???? can we just talk about how your characterization is THE characterization in this fandom? every single character is fleshed out and has a role, they! are! written! with! LOVE! and i love them with all my heart.

i think you were the one who made mu qingfang my comfort character. i really liked him, but you just planted him straight into my soul. he's my pookie now. the best man. should be in every fic for real. you can guess how much i loved when sy lived with him and i adore every scene with him. just thinking about it fill me with warmth. also i generally headcanon mqf as aroace, but here??? yes, he and wqw are a perfect match. no one does it like them ❣️

i have this weird thing where i can't fully imagine what i'm reading and it's like i don't see stuff in my head but more like i sense it? feel it? sometimes i read a fic and it's beautifully written, but i feel uncomfortable just because it feels tight and grimy even if the story itself is light.

but syonr feels spacious, like i can breath fully and what i imagine matches with what is actually happening in the scene. i might be anxious out of my mind but i still enjoy every bit of it. the places you describe fit perfectly into the story. that is to say, my favourite/comfort scenes are bright and sunny :D

i'm not gonna lie i enjoy sy whump. this guy can be in so many Situations and i'm here for it.

and i ADORE bingyuan. they are so sweet and cute and SAFE for each other. it's really interesting how their opinion on sqq changed bc they have each other. sy needing security and validation and binghe's cold disdain.

there actually should be like 10 hours video essay on every syonr character ii i- cant they are wonderful.

nyy my beloved treasured girl. you asked "who's going to make her shine?" and didn't wait for an answer. and shine she does!!!!!!! 🌟

wqw is a charming man, if he was an anime character i imagine him having a huuuuuge fanbase. he's just silly and hot like that.

off the top of my head lady jia's arc was the first one that made me go OH MY FUCKINGGGG GODDDD I'M SCARED AND IT'S ALSO SO COOL AND EXPLAINS SO MUCH AND AND AUGGGHJJHGGHJHJH!!! i just remember this anxiety so well it was great

the demon invasion is one of the arcs i've reread a few times. it's just... perfect. one might even say... you COOKED! i love it.

anyway. thank you for sharing with us your amazing story. it doesn't matter how much time you take to write an update or if you decide you don't wan't to write it anymore, because it already exists in our hearts. ...sometimes i want fics to never ever end at all, even if they are simply left unfinished.

and thank you for brightening my days : ) every new chapter make me squeak and do a happy little dance.

i wish you well 🌼💓

anon. I am crying a lil bit, thank you.

I almost didn't reply to this simply because I wanted to keep it safe in my inbox. I've since taken a screenshot onto my phone and also onto my pc. I've. Saved this comment in a few different places.

I just

;A;

ok ok imma. imma pull myself together and give every word the attention it deserves. *sniffles* I'm not the best at replying to comments in general, because I don't know how to accurately relay how much they mean to me. but. let's do this.

I'm so, so happy to hear all this.

syonr is definitely a love project at this point, for myself and aimed at svsss and also just storytelling in general. As someone who used to only write oneshots or shortfics, it's so fun to really, truly linger and dwell in this story as I explore it. It's freeing in a way that writing hasn't been for me in many years. And I'm so, so happy you think so too. Describing it as "spacious" is a compliment I didn't know I needed, and I love it.

MQF has been fun to explore, because he's a soft but firm character. The one in charge of keeping his sect siblings in some kind of good health- which is of course very difficult because cultivators are insane and they become more nuts the more powerful they are- and then I have had a fun time having him just. Being around SY as SY struggled with basically everything. I've also been delighted to figure out how to write WQW, as he barely says anything in canon, and I'm so happy you also agree he's a hottie. RIP to SY, but I will highfive MQF for getting the hottest man in his generation as his boyfriend. It is very funny to me that they're probably the healthiest relationship in syonr of all time, even as they keep giving SY jumpscares of the gay kind.

I also enjoy SY whump. This, uh, this might be obvious, considering what he has gone through so far. *looks at him* I planned the demon invasion for so long. Fucking up his hands was The Plan all along. Fucking up his self-esteem and confidence was also it. WHUMP!!!

But of course, angst and whump can only truly hit if you line it with fluff. BingYuan is fun to explore in this setting. I like having them be same age and all that comes with it. So much can change in a story if you just swap some things around! They're soft and gooey and idiots <3

When I first decided to let NYY play a bigger part in the story, I was nervous. Canon barely gives her anything, fanon goes in two very different directions with her and neither felt right. She's spoiled and sheltered, but always well-meaning, and I wanted very much to explore writing her in all her oblivious glory while also letting her be Pure Distilled Teenage Girl trying to figure herself out. I'm always, always so happy when people tell me they love her in syonr. It's very rewarding. Not letting her be part of the story was just not possible, either! I'm just glad people appreciate her so much.

Lady Jia... hehehehe :D she always seems to strike a nerve, as intended. And it was so much fun reading the comments for that arc, everyone trying to figure out wtf was happening! Very proud of it to this day.

Part of the thing I love writing in syonr is, indeed, relationships. I mean the entire fic is kind of a love letter to it, both bad and good. It's part of why there's different povs. SQQ's pov and SY's pov are both extremely unreliable when it comes to others, as are anyone else's. I don't think there's a single character in svsss that I dislike, which is also why it's so fun to figure out how other characters think about each other. YQY and SQQ has completely different views of SY, and we all know Binghe's pov is 99% Loving On SY.

I just. You truly made my day today, thank you so much. syonr is one of those stories I'm having fun exploring, a story I look forward to finishing but I'm in no hurry to do so. And also, I suspect, a story I will struggle to not write oneshots for once it's over. (or even before that. I do have plans for a MQF/WQW fic set in it...)

Thank you again, anon. I adore you <3

[pixlpxie]

Hi Pixie!

I'd like to thank you for your openness about sexual things, needs and fantasies, as it greatly helped me accept my own sexual side.

I've always had quite high libido, I get aroused easily and I've always been really into porn, my friends also know me to be "the pervy friend" just based on my humour and general horniness, but even though it's something I can laugh at, I still often feel shame at myself and at the feelings I have.

The feeling that I shouldn't be having these thoughts, that I am somehow flawed and disgusting, that there's something wrong with me because I am so "feral", it just wouldn't leave me alone and it was something I was extremely embarrassed by and I feared that people would find me to be some deranged sexual lunatic.

I went through sexual abuse in my childhood, and accepting that side of me has always been really hard, but you've helped me a lot - to realise that such things are normal and there's nothing shameful about them. That this is all perfectly natural, that it doesn't make me disgusting or wrong or tainted to have sexual needs, that I am allowed to explore kinks and take pleasure from fantasies.

So for that, thank you so much.

I'm sorry for the long message and oversharing, but it always goes through my mind when I see the anon hate you get, people calling you disgusting and such and how effortlessly you shoot them down and laugh at them, absolutely unapologetic.

I wish all those people realised that it's extremely important to have spaces where you can comfortably share these feelings and thoughts, that it should be normalised to talk about sex and sexual needs and that the taboo of it isn't right, especially when it comes to female pleasure. Purity culture isn't cute and women are also people with needs.

Spaces like this help people realise that they aren't wrong or broken for their natural instincts, whether they've been brought up in religious circles or went through abuse, what you're doing on your platform is important to many who thought they were alone in these feelings and feared to talk about it, because they were afraid they would be called weird and disgusting for having a functional body that demands certain things that are natural and healthy.

Thank you very much <3

Ok let me go cry real quick and ill be back 😮‍💨

I had to read this a few times because i usually cant see what i do here as something that could help people so reading this was so valuable, truly it means the world to me. First of all I'm so sorry for what happened to you, you didn't deserve any of that and I hope you are doing well know 🥺💓 you will do even better 🥹🫶🏻

Having a high libido, different sexual desires and needs are totally normal but even to this day it's treated like a taboo like you said. And trust me i know how it feels like to be that pervy friend, it's exactly like the way you described. Almost in every social group im the one who's too much, too freaky, or too 'different'. My friends are so fun and you can always talk abt pervy stuff with them sure but at the end of the day I am always the weird one because usually i know or say stuff that get them a little horrified. Its all fun and games till it starts to get to you, I had to sit down and think why I am the way I am many times because like you said, something must have been wrong with me. Because why would I enjoy things that my friends don't?

Turns out everything's fine and you shouldn't really bother knowing why. It's okay, it's normal, in fact it's healthy. So the hate I get seems so childish to me and honestly it's fun atp. Sex and kinks are natural, they're human. Everyone will enjoy different things, some will like it more plain and simple while some will like more kinky things. You're not disgusting for enjoying things that the majority don't. Sexuality is fluid and endless, you will keep exploring it throughout your entire life and be as fierce as you can while doing it🫶🏻

Like I said, I am usually unable to comprehend the effect my blog has on people but reading your ask and other similar ones make me feel so many emotions. I never thought my blog would be a safe space for you guys 🥹 Please know that you are always welcome on this blog, we can talk about anything you want and I'll always try my best to help you. And please don't ever be sorry for 'oversharing' or writing 'long' asks bc trust me it's not oversharing or long for me. I love being here with you guys and I hope you know that you mean so much to me🥹😭💓

[cordeliaandthecocoapuffs]

hii cordelia i just finished reading august (nico's version ) and i loved it sm but i cant help but wonder what you think of tsats so can you please give your review on the book :)

hello thank you i'm so happy you liked the fic!!! <3

as for TSATS: i have to say that overall i'm not a fan but that isn't to say that there aren't some positive aspects! a lot of the reasons i didn't like it are more subjective but i do think there are a couple of issues that are, objectively, examples of bad writing or actively harmful ideas.

first off the 'big issues' that i had:

the pacing of the book overall and the lack of danger that it felt like nico and will were in...really disappointing. how are you going to write a book about a quest to tartarus, the most dangerous place for any demigod, and the actual quest in tartarus is less than half of the book and they never actually seem to be at risk of dying? i know there were some moments where it got a little prickly but it just never felt like high-stakes to me, especially when you compare it to the other instance of tartarus we've had.

the coming out scene. oh boy. this is what i'm talking about when i say actively harmful. i'm sure it wasn't meant to be this way, but it feeds into a lot of very icky tropes about how gay people have to be proudly out and loudly declaring their sexualities and be like...a 'paragon' of homosexuality in order to be valid and set an example for other people. it also put will in a strange position and while i don't think that he was forcibly outed, per se, it's definitely not a happy situation where he could 100% make the decision for himself and that's how it always should be. i was honestly shocked that an LBGT+ author would write something like this and see it as a happy positive scene.

not quite as bad but still something i find very weird was the scene retelling solangelo's first kiss. that should either have been excluded entirely or expanded upon more because as it's written, it sounds a lot like nico was in the worst mental state of his life and will just decided to try to make him feel better by kissing him as a surprise. it made me feel really uncomfortable to read because in that moment of being incredibly upset (and from the way it was described in ToA, nico was not really with it) nico wasn't able to give consent. if they'd kissed before and it was an established way of offering comfort that's one (still a little bit dodgy without context) thing, but as a first kiss? ew

the dream scene. firstly, bianca was reborn, and the explanation of "an exception was made!" does NOT cut it. it's also highly disrespectful to her character. she specifically avoided nico when he tried to summon her because she was scared he'd bring her back to life. she wanted rebirth, and she chose it, and then they yanked her back? gross, tbh. additionally, it gave hades a shield. he hid behind maria and bianca when he should have been the one apologising. it could have been such a meaningful scene with hades saying he's sorry for how things went and how he treated nico, but nope. additionally, it undid a whole boatload of nico's character development. he is about struggling through grief and resolving trauma and finding his own closure and to just throw in his dead mother and sister...it cheapened all of that.

and now the more nitpicky/subjective things!

the characterisation was just...off. not because nico was happy or because will was anxious - i was actually happy to see that! - but just in a lot of the little actions. for example, nico's lack of respect for the dead, and also just the general way they talked. it didn't feel like their character voices to me.

a lot of the times that the two of them argued it didn't feel like it got resolved. i understand and accept that they're down in tartarus, it's warping their emotions, very stressful, etc., but it never felt like they actually sorted any of their issues out to me.

the lack of characters like hazel and reyna...like some of the people most important to nico were only mentioned as a passing thought yet characters like dakota and connor were so randomly shoehorned in just so readers would go 'omg reference'...like make it meaningful if you're going to do that, please.

the way that percabeth were, again, shoehorned in. it stood out as a really jarring section to me. sure, they've been to tartarus before, sure, but so has nico, and his whole reasoning of 'they went as a couple they can offer advice for us' was really weak imo.

the quote "he'd always been known as the demigod who wouldn't eat. Why had he let himself get to the point of starvation over and over again?" maybe because he had an eating disorder caused by incredible trauma. why is the book trying to make it sound like he was just being silly and stubborn when he has severe PTSD. this irked me so badly.

the fact that the book disregarded not only the canon of the other books (not an entirely new thing for this series, admittedly, but still annoying) but also itself. it genuinely contradicts itself. who was editing. who was doing the final checks. why did nobody notice that nico called himself the son of bianca di angelo until it was published. come on guys.

i could tell in quite a few places where rick had written one paragraph and then mark had written the next. the transition between the two was sometimes really obvious and could be really jarring!

these are VERY small nitpicky things even within the 'small nitpicky things' category but why did nico keep shortening 'pomegranate' to 'pom' and how does nico know about the dam jokes and why are there so many modern references when this book is set in like...2011? (i know the books are meant to be anachronistic technically but rick obliterated that when he had nico specifically mention the time he's from followed by frank thinking that nico is seventy years older than him. there is now a timeline, richard.)

okay that is a LOT of negative points and tbh i stand by them but like i said, i know that most of them are subjective so if people disagree then that's cool! those are just my honest opinions BUT also, there are some great moments that i'd like to highlight:

will being given a cheese hat and resignedly accepting said cheese hat

the non-binary trog (screech-bling? i can't quite remember and i don't have a copy of the book on hand rn) who has an intensely obvious crush on will. absolutely beautiful.

some of the lines in the book (especially the dialogue) are genuinely quite funny (again i'm blanking on most of the specifics but i remember reading a few and thinking 'oh good some moments of happiness in the gaping black abyss of this book') however i do recall will trying to speak trog and accidentally threatening to eat them or something. also beautiful.

however overall...i'd give the book a 3/10. i would give it much higher if it didn't have the glaring issues i mentioned first. i think without those i'd give it a solid 6 or 7!

[valyrou]

Hi!! Could I request dazai with a weird person? (Ik it's not the term, maybe artistic, maybe something else, weird is the only global term which isn't that wrong). Basically they're extremely drawn by art, notice the most niche and least noticeable things and 'it makes sense in my head sorry' is their daily sentence which leads them to feel alone and not understood. Like this with dazai would be interesting I think (like the dynamic, i cant go on bc its starting to get so long but the whole 'dont feel like a proper human being too' ahhh i cant put the right words). There again- I'm sorry it makes sense for me-

Anyway have a good day and sorry <33

A/n: Hello Anon!! Of course I can do that!! I am working on multiple requests at once, kinda overworking myself with studies and work and on top of that I have finals soon and I should study a bit more.. ANYWAYS I related to this a little too much so I think I know what you mean by „weird person that can’t really describe what they think“ kinda stuff. But this isn’t about me so I HOPE YOU ENJOYYY

Warnings: to lazy to read over this rn so not proof read at all.. ALSO INSPIRED BY „no longer human“ by osamu Dazai lol?? Don’t know why but here we are :) reader doesn’t have a gender aswell, so GN reader

Dazai x Misunderstood! Reader

You couldn’t quite remember how you got to the art gallery with Dazai, but here you stood Infront of an magnificent piece of art. You could see how old it was by the cracks and discoloration, yet the way it was drawn, with such delicacy was as if it was drawn only a few minutes ago to you. The emotions and thought behind it, still visible to your eye. The way the eyes of that women were slightly casted down, the dark colored theme, the way the posture was drawn, everything seemed so right.

That was something everyone could see, yet even the way the clothes hung from her body made an important difference to the picture „Can you see her naked shoulder and the robe that almost seems to be put on lazily?“ you had begun your sentence, „it resembles her innocence and purity, no men could ever touch her..“ your voice got a little dreamier on the end. It took you some seconds to notice that’s Dazai didn’t respond. You immediately got embarrassed „it made sense in my head.. sorry“

You looked to your feet, cursing yourself out for saying such stupid things to him as if he could understand what you were thinking… if he could ever understand how you felt when the art practically screamed for you to tell its story, because you knew no one else could quite think like you. No one could. You were alone in this world that seemed to abandon you. Reject you from society as if you weren’t a human being. As if, the moment you shared a piece of your mind, you were no longer human..

You snapped out of your thoughts as you felt a soft hand on your shoulder „Yea, but also look at her hips, the way her robe curves there.“ he pointed subtly to were he meant, „she also seems tense, as if to say that she knew what the men around think of her.“ impressed you looked up to the tall brunette „You saw that?“ in response, Dazai only chuckled „Of course, you are not the only one that has a unique way to see and think.“ his hand gently squeezing your shoulder

„You are not alone. Not everyone might understand what you are trying to say, but I promise you there are always a hand full of people that do. Don’t push yourself down, see the ups of having a unique way to think, even if you can’t voice it.“ he shot you a cheerful smile and for the first time, you felt accepted. Accepted in this so shallow society you always had claimed not to be a part of.