#it feels so weird doing this over dm the fuck

[kuiinncedes]

???

[blujayonthewing]

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

its so weird to read some of my old fics (do NOT do it but i'm just being hypothetical rn) and reading it. like who even was this person?? i completely was in a haze back in 2020. i literally was posting 3 chapters a day. A DAY. what in the WORLD was that shit.

anyway i remembered some STUPID sappy shit and i didnt remember if i'd put it into a fic or not BUT I FOUND IT.

She and Hope had been dating in secret for months anyway, and any attempt to go talk to Ryan only filed her disposition of displeasure upon knowing that she couldn’t tell anyone, Molly especially, it destroyed herself mentally. They couldn’t really go anywhere near the school, always having to lie to everyone about having projects together when Molly wasn’t around them. It’d consisted with 9 PM - 2 AM intervals of being able to actually see each other. Hope would sneak through her small bedroom window with a portable record player and whatever she had gotten from the vintage record store downtown, and Amy would always fall asleep around eleven because of her internal clock. She would always wake up to find a single sticky note stuck on the edge of her desk whenever she woke up to her alarm the next morning. One of them, Amy still had tucked inside of her phone case, a heavily detailed human heart, with blue and red ink sketched onto a neon pink sticky note, there was a caption that headed the small paper reading the phrase over every now and again makes her almost melt every time. “You have my heart.”

yeah idk why the fuck but i thought of this fucking idea again today and i was like "omg did i ever put that heart note thing in a fic???" yeah you fucking did.

all that to say ME AND WHO???? imagine. thats so fucking.... RAHHHH.

[mcdynamite]

Kissing has never done all that much for Steve, if he’s honest.

It's just not really something he's ever given much thought to before - the way someone kisses - despite the fact that he's locked lips with plenty of people. For him, kissing has always been something nice, but not particularly special. It's never been earth-shattering. Never taken his breath away, the way people talk about in movies and books. It's just a way to be closer to someone, and it's nice, but it's never anything more than that.

Then, Steve kisses Eddie for the first time, and suddenly he gets it.

They're high when it happens, laying side by side in Eddie's unmade bed while the weed sinks into their bones. Steve loves the way it seems to slow down the world around them - makes everything syrupy and sweet, so he feels every brush of Eddie's fingers against his own in every inch of his body as they pass the joint back and forth.

The casual contact makes him long for more, and when he's high, Steve just...gives into the longing. He lets himself drift closer until they're pressed together so closely that Eddie can hide his face in Steve's uncharacteristically messy hair when he's trying to cover up a snort of laughter in response to Steve's deranged weed-induced musings.

Tonight, they meander their way through a directionless conversation - as they so often do when they get high together - until the joint is so small it nearly singes their fingertips. When Eddie finally sits up to stamp it out in the ashtray on the bedside table, Steve tries not to miss the feeling of Eddie's body against his own too much, knowing it'll be back soon enough.

"I'm thinking of handing over the DM throne to Will for the next oneshot, after we finish this campaign," Eddie says, speech slow and thoughtful as he puts out the blunt. "Think he'll be good at it."

Steve just hums, eyes heavy-lidded, gaze fixed on the curls he wants so badly to run his fingers through, just to know what it feels like. He's high enough to not care about the consequences when he decides fuck it, and reaches out to feel the soft ringlets beneath his fingertips.

"You're good at it," he muses - a delayed response to Eddie's comment. If Eddie is bothered by the way Steve is carefully petting his hair, he doesn't show it. Instead, he turns back to look down at Steve with a soft smile that makes Steve's insides feel all gooey.

"Yeah?" Eddie asks, a hint of a smirk overtaking the softness. "You ready to admit that you like watching me play my little nerd game, Harrington?"

Steve blames the quiet whine that escapes his throat on the weed, along with the way he honest-to-God pouts in response to Eddie's words. He tugs on a lock of Eddie's hair petulantly. "Don't like it when you call me that."

Eddie's face does something strange then, and Steve can't quite parse out what it means with the weed making his brain all foggy. He looks...surprised? Fond? Maybe both?

"Sorry, Stevie," he replies, teasing but somehow genuine at the same time. Steve smiles dopily, an expression that Eddie returns. "That better?"

Satisfied, Steve nods. Hums in affirmation. "Yeah. I like that one."

And it's true. Steve loves when Eddie calls him Stevie, because Eddie always sounds so fond when he does, and it makes Steve's heart feel too big for his chest.

"Oh, yeah?" Eddie asks, still grinning as he leans down until he's propped up on one elbow, hovering just over Steve on the bed. "What else do you want me to call you, hm? Stevie? Steve? M'lord?"

The last one makes Steve laugh and close his eyes, happy to bask in the sound of Eddie's voice as he floats along with their conversation.

"Sir Steven? Sweetheart?" Eddie continues, and Steve's heart jumps just a bit at the second one. Then, Eddie murmurs, "Baby?" 

And Steve's eyes fly open.

Steve stares at his friend with wide eyes - lips parted as a soft, punched-out oh escapes him - and it's weird, is the thing. Because Steve has been called baby before, lovingly by his grandmother when he was still a little boy causing mischief while his parents weren't watching, meanly by boys on the playground when he cried over something silly like a scraped knee…and when he got older, teasingly by the girls he took on dates.

It's not a new name for him, but it feels groundbreaking nonetheless.

Because the word sounds so much better coming from Eddie's mouth than anyone else's. It's soft, and fond, and knowing, and...

It's longing.

"Yeah,” Steve croaks. "Yeah."

"Which one? Sir Steven?" Eddie asks playfully, cocking his head to the side like a puppy. He grins maniacally when Steve huffs and shakes his head in disappointment. "No? Which one was it, then, that you liked the most?"

"Eddieeee," Steve complains, burying his flushed face into the pillow and avoiding his friend's gaze. "You know which one."

Eddie shakes his head in an almost scolding manner and Steve is convinced he must've moved closer, because Steve can feel Eddie's breath against his skin, and the air in the room feels about a hundred degrees hotter.

"Nuh-uh, Stevie," Eddie says, poking him playfully in the ribs. "You gotta tell me which one."

Steve hesitates, feeling more and more self-conscious by the second. He sort of wants to hide, but he also really wants Eddie to call him that again. It's probably thanks to his intoxicated brain that he allows himself to answer truthfully. "Baby," he murmurs, uncharacteristically shy.

"Yeah?" Eddie says, voice and smile softening in tandem. "You like when I call you baby, Stevie?"

Steve stares up at him with wide eyes, hardly able to believe this is really happening, and nods. "Yeah. That one."

Eddie is so close, now, that Steve can feel the warmth that emanates from his skin; can see the flecks of gold in his eyes amongst the molten chocolate brown. He's got freckles - Steve realizes. Tiny little dots across the bridge of his nose and the apples of his cheeks that form constellations on his skin. Steve thinks, maybe a bit deliriously, that he would be perfectly happy spending hours tracing them, the way astronomers of old once traced the stars.

"Eddie..." he breathes, heart pounding as he begins to feel more and more desperate for...for something. Anything to let him know that he's not the only one succumbing to the gravitational pull between them.

Eddie blinks slowly, and his eyes widen as though he's just realized something important. Steve watches his throat bob nervously before Eddie finally whispers, "Yeah, baby?"

Steve inhales sharply through parted lips - a soft, plaintive gasp that draws Eddie's eyes to his lips, and-

Oh.

That's what Steve wants, isn't it?

"I-" Steve tries, helpless to stop his own gaze from falling on Eddie's lips - pink and parted and just a little bit chapped, and so, so close.

"Baby," Eddie says again, and this time it's different. Unintentional. Like Eddie said it without meaning to. And maybe it's just the weed, but Steve swears he can feel the word burrowing its way into his chest and settling around his heart like a blanket. It makes his whole body feel warm - something only made worse by the hot coal of desire that begins smoldering low in his gut.

He's so lost in it all that he can't even bring himself to feel embarrassed when he whispers, "Please."

Steve waits with bated breath until finally, any remaining nervousness retreats from Eddie's eyes, and Eddie smiles in that way that makes Steve's stomach flutter. It's such a pretty smile. Steve can only watch as it grows closer, going cross-eyed for the briefest moment in his quest to to stare at Eddie's lips until suddenly his eyes are fluttering shut, because...because...

Because Eddie kisses him with lips still curled into a smile, and Steve thinks - utterly nonsensically - that feeling Eddie's lips against his own is so much better than just looking at them. The thought makes him giggle, just a bit, and he finds himself grinning into the kiss, too.

They part for a moment so Steve can let out another quiet giggle, and Eddie seems to pause for a moment, smiling down at Steve with poorly concealed affection. "Baby," he murmurs reverently, and then he's leaning down to capture Steve's lips in another kiss.

This time, Steve is ready for it, but it draws a muffled whimper out of him nonetheless. His nose fills with the scent of weed and cigarettes and cheap cologne - the smell of Eddie - and it's so overwhelmingly good. He lets his lips fall open on a gasp...doesn't close them when Eddie tentatively brushes his tongue against Steve's own. He shuts his eyes, because the press of Eddie's hand to his cheek and Eddie's chest to his own feel like so much more like that.

Eddie breaks the kiss to gasp in a breath, and inexplicably, that's what really sends every last bit of restraint in Steve's brain packing. It's so simple, so ordinary - the soft, quick sip of air Eddie takes in. It's a breathy little sound that Steve has heard from countless others before, but maybe that's why it puts him in this unfamiliar chokehold of wanting.

This isn't just anyone.

This is Eddie.

And Eddie is making those quiet, lovely little sounds because he's kissing Steve, and Steve is very rapidly realizing that he is utterly incapable of being normal about any of this.

He feels his cheeks go hot as he forces his heavy limbs to move so he can tangle his fingers in Eddie's curls, holding him close (because Steve thinks he might die if Eddie stops kissing him, now). And it's bliss. It's addictive. It's ruinously tender, and Steve feels himself unraveling from within. Feels the knots in his heart - left behind by absent parents, cruel friends, and distant girlfriends - turn to dust at the gentlest brush of Eddie's lips.

He whimpers into Eddie's mouth and clings to him even tighter, feeling his throat grow strangely tight as his eyes sting at the corners, and when Eddie pulls away he's got a small furrow in his brow, just under his bangs. 

"Stevie?" Eddie murmurs. His eyes dart to Steve's cheeks, and when he brushes his thumb along the skin just under Steve's eye, it drags a bit of wetness with it. Only then does Steve realize...he's crying.

And Eddie is wiping away his tears.

"I..." Steve croaks, eyes wide and spilling more tears with every blink. He drags his hands down from Eddie's hair to rest on his chest, beginning to curl into himself as the embarrassment sinks in.

Christ, he's crying. And all they've done is kiss.

Eddie's frown deepens, but he doesn't pull away completely. Instead, he lets their noses brush and breathes, "Baby..."

Steve's breath hitches.

"You're shaking, sweetheart," Eddie continues, still brushing Steve's tears away with gentle fingers. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" Steve gasps hurriedly, because as far as he understands, it's the truth. "Nothing's wrong, I just..." He closes his eyes. Swallows the lump in his throat and admits with a trembling voice, "I didn't know it could be like this."

He opens his eyes and sees Eddie's expression soften, but the concern remains. "What do you mean?"

"I just..." Steve tries, sniffling and letting out a quiet, distressed laugh. He slams his eyes shut again and rubs them roughly with his palms, trying to force the tears back into his body. "Jesus, this is fucking embarrassing, man."

"Steve..." Eddie murmurs. He sounds sad. Conflicted. Like he's not sure what to do or how to help - if he should stay or go - and that just won't do, because Steve is certain he'll drift away on the breeze without Eddie to ground him. He's got to try to explain, even with his thoughts still feeling syrupy slow from the weed.

He wants to tell Eddie that he's kissed dozens of people before, but kissing them never felt like this. He wants to explain that he's used to taking the lead, and that it's nice having someone else set the pace, for once. He wants to tell Eddie about the way most people he's kissed have done so - frantically...lustfully. Kissing has always been a simple means to an end. And it's never made Steve feel like this.

What he actually manages to say is slightly different, though.

"No one's ever kissed me like they love me, before."

His eyes are still covered by his own hands, so he can't see what is surely a stunned expression on Eddie's face, but he can hear the way Eddie gasps in response to Steve's words.

It’s too much, he thinks. He's said too much, fast-forwarded too far into the movie. It's too early to be talking about love. Steve knows this. It's just...

His stupid, floaty little brain can't envision a world where someone kisses the way Eddie does without being hopelessly, irrevocably in love.

"Shit," Steve breathes after several minutes of silence. Or maybe it's several seconds. He really doesn't know. Time feels funny, when he's high. "I know that's, like, way too much. I'm too much. I don't know why I-"

"Steve," Eddie interrupts, and Steve snaps his mouth shut. He feels Eddie's hands wrap carefully around his wrists to pull them from his eyes. Eddie is being so careful with him...like he can't see that his tenderness is exactly the thing that’s ripping Steve apart at the seams.

Steve wants to scream. He wants to cry. He wants to drag Eddie back down and kiss him until he can't breathe. Until Eddie's sweetness becomes warm and comforting instead of feeling like the scalding heat of jumping into a hot tub after a dip in the cold waters of the pool.

"Baby, look at me," Eddie says softly.

Steve is helpless but to obey.

Eddie's gaze is sad but kind when Steve finally meets it with his own. He's got the barest hint of a smile on his pretty lips - the same ones Steve so desperately wants to feel against his own, again - and Steve feels his stomach swirl with something he can't quite describe.

"It's not too much," Eddie continues, voice steady. "And neither are you, okay? You, Steve Harrington, are never too much. Not to me."

The words settle over Steve like a blanket, and he can't decide whether it's comforting or suffocating. He just wants to stop talking about things so they can move on. He just wants Eddie.

"Eds..." he rasps desperately. "I don't- I just want-" He cuts himself off with the hitching breath of what may be a sob. He's not really sure, at this point.

"What can I do, honey?" Eddie says, and he really needs to stop with the pet names, or Steve might genuinely fracture into pieces. "What do you want?"

Steve is sunk too deep into the syrupy slow feeling of the weed - too desperate to feel Eddie pressed against him again - to do anything but tell the truth.

"Just want you," he says.

Eddie smiles - eyes crinkling at the corners - and Steve breathes the sight in like oxygen. "You have me, baby," Eddie murmurs. He's rubbing small, comforting circle into the sensitive skin of Steve's wrists now, and it's perfect. It's wonderfully, disgustingly perfect.

"I do?" Steve asks dumbly. His brain feels fifteen seconds behind everything, but he thinks that's probably okay. Eddie seems to be just fine waiting for him to catch up.

"Yeah, Stevie," Eddie chuckles quietly. "Had me for a long time, now. Just wasn't sure if you would want me the way I wanted you."

"You want me," Steve says breathlessly, more to himself than to Eddie. "You wanna kiss me."

Eddie's resulting laugh is a bit louder, a bit brighter, this time. "I do," he says. The sadness is fading from his eyes, giving way to something that looks an awful lot like elation. Steve remains still and watches, entranced, as Eddie carefully hauls himself up until he can swing a leg over Steve's to straddle him.

Still smiling broadly, Eddie leans down until their faces are mere inches apart, studying Steve with those big, brown eyes. "You gonna let me?" he asks Steve, a teasing lilt to his voice.

Steve nods, lips parted in surprise he can't quite seem to shake, and Eddie's expression softens.

"Gonna let me kiss you like I love you, Stevie?" Eddie whispers.

Steve's not sure when, exactly, his tears had begun to dry up, but he knows they must have at some point, because they're returning with a vengeance, now. "Please," he breathes.

Eddie shifts, and Steve expects Eddie to go right back to kissing him, but that's not what he does.

Instead, Eddie releases one of Steve's wrists and cups his cheek tenderly. This time, the feeling of his thumb brushing the tears away is a familiar one, and it makes Steve smile dopily.

"You know the reason I kiss you like I love you?" Eddie asks. Steve shakes his head and tracks Eddie's gaze as it drifts towards the place where his fingers are still wrapped around Steve's wrist. His lips quirk into a smile as he uses his grip to pin Steve's hand to the mattress, right beside Steve's head, and laces their fingers together.

Their noses are brushing, now, and Eddie's hips are resting on Steve's, and Eddie's hair has fallen around them like a curtain to keep the rest of the world out, and it's so much. Eddie is everywhere, and he's everything, and Steve is completely, unquestioningly in love with him - probably has been in love with him for ages, now, and just never let himself think too hard about it.

"I kiss you like I love you, Steve Harrington," Eddie breathes, and their lips brush as he speaks. "Because I love you."

And the thing is…Steve has spent his entire life wondering what it would feel like to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was loved. It's something that's eluded him for twenty years.

So it's all the more miraculous when Eddie kisses him again, and suddenly, Steve knows. He knows that Eddie Munson loves him. He feels it in the way Eddie kisses him slowly and deliberately, like it would never have crossed Eddie's mind not to. He feels it in their linked hands, in the way Eddie squeezes his hand when Steve makes a desperate, wanton sound into his mouth.

He feels it when Eddie brushes the hair out of his eyes and smiles before kissing Steve's forehead, then his nose, and then his lips again.

Feels it when Eddie's lips begin to wander down his neck.

When Eddie sucks a mark into the thin skin above his collar bone, just because Steve begs him too.

When Eddie pulls Steve's shirt over his head with careful hands, then lets Steve do the same, because Steve needs the intimacy of skin on skin.

He feels it when Eddie stops Steve's wandering hands from venturing too far south with a firm grip and apologetic eyes, because Eddie wants him - of course he does - but not when they've been smoking. Not when there's even the slightest chance that Steve might wake up and regret it in the morning.

And he hears it, too, later that night when they're laying in Eddie's bed exchanging soft, sleepy kisses, unwilling to drift off and let the night end, just yet.

Their legs are woven together - bare, aside from their boxers - and Steve has lost track of how long they've been tangled up in each other like this. He doesn't particularly care, though. He's pretty sure he could happily spend the rest of his life exactly like this.

"Love you, Stevie," Eddie whispers against his lips. They both smile into the next kiss, and Steve's heart is full to bursting, because he believes it. He knows, now, what it feels like to be loved...to be adored.

"I love you," he murmurs in reply, relishing in Eddie's sharp intake of breath. He giggles a bit, for no reason other than the pure joy that's been coursing through his body all night. "God," he laughs. "I fucking love you, Eddie Munson.

Eddie is quiet for a moment before his face splits into a grin that could rival Steve's own, and he's so goddamn beautiful that Steve almost feels like crying again.

He doesn't cry, though. He just watches adoringly as Eddie smiles and nudges Steve's nose with his own. "Yeah, baby?" Eddie teases.

"Yeah, Eds," he answers simply.

And he's pretty sure Eddie knows - is pretty sure Eddie can feel it - because Steve kisses him for the umpteenth time that night, and he pours every ounce of his heart into it. 

Steve kisses Eddie like he loves him, because he does. God, help him, he does.

And Eddie?

Eddie kisses Steve like he loves him back, and Steve gets it now, because it’s more than just a kiss.

It’s perfect.

It’s earth-shattering.

It’s everything.

--

Shout-out to @lyphyshard for the beta!

For more of my Steddie blurbs and one-shots, check out my masterlist!

[vaspider]

Look. A little advice.

Once you get to a certain amount of Known on the internet or a subsection of it, or even in a subsection of a RL group of people, there are going to be people who will make up a version of you which exists only in their heads and which has absolutely nothing to do with who you are. It might better resemble who you were twenty years ago or it might never have had anything to do at all with who you were then or are now.

You cannot stop this. You cannot prevent this. Once you get a certain number of followers or a certain amount of attention, that's going to happen: people will make up stories about you which either look through a fun-house mirror at some small aspect of who you are and twist it and blow it up until it doesn't resemble you at all, or which just have absolutely no basis in fact whatsoever.

This is just another kind of parasocial relationship; it's the kind which really sucks to deal with, because it's so negative and so pervasive. It's very real, and the frustration you feel about it is very real. Nobody wants to be known incorrectly.

But. You can't control this. It's gonna happen. No matter what you say, no matter how precisely you say it, the people who want to misinterpret you will find a way to do so. This doesn't mean 'don't pay attention to what you say,' or 'don't be purposeful and precise with your language,' but it does mean 'don't obsess over the people who are determined to get you wrong.'

You can be the most anodyne, run-of-the-mill, unremarkable human being, and the people who are determined to hate you will find something that they can point to and say 'ha ha! I told you that Spider danced with the devil at midnight! I witnessed it myself!' (It will not help the situation if you are, say, self-admittedly stubborn as fuck, long-winded, and sometimes kinda fucking obnoxious, but please realize that in the end, it doesn't really matter. This is gonna happen no matter what.)

The people who matter will look at what's being said, wrinkle up their foreheads, and say, 'uh, man, it looks like Spider was actually playing with his dog at 9 am?'

That said, if you don't have elephant-thick skin from being a marginalized-gender human being who's been on the internet since before the web had pictures, there are some things you can do to make it easier when people making things up about you starts to get on your nerves:

Establish protocols for when it becomes too much: have someone read your messages, turn off your notifications, have time where you purposefully disengage.

Establish protocols for how you interact, period: "I will block people without guilt if they engage positively with the people who spread untruths about me." "I will answer everything in public so people can't lie about what I said, because it's right there in public." "I will not answer work-related stuff in DMs, that has to go to the work email." Whatever it is, create some boundaries for yourself. Stick to them. The people who push you to bend them aren't doing that for your benefit but theirs.

If you get someone who really hits your Weirdo Alarm, trust it. Yeah, block and report, but also, take screenshots and store them somewhere that isn't easily erased. I have an 'Internet Weirdos' folder, which makes it a little easier to deal with when people start doing things like 'making threats of physical harm to me and my family.' Don't fuss, just take a screenshot and chuck it in the folder. Having that record makes it easier to just forget that it ever happened, because you have a paper trail if anybody starts doing something Real Weird.

Spend time offline, with people who do actually know you.

Don't get lost in the version of you that someone else makes up in order to make up for the shit that's missing in their own life. You aren't required to play the part that someone else is trying to script for you. It is never to your benefit, only to theirs; you gain nothing by standing in that role for them, and you lose precious seconds of your one irreplaceable life.

You could be using those seconds to look at this video of how to pick up a duck, which I think we can all agree is a better investment of your time.

[hotluncheddie]

Hug.

wc: 3.4k | rated: T | cw: meltdown, burnout | tags: autistic eddie munson, hurt/comfort, pre relationship, pining, hugging | ao3

.𖥔˚

Eddie Munson has a secret. 

He doesn’t know how to hug. 

Sure, he knows how in theory, and he has been hugged before, with mixed reactions. But it’s been a while. Been a long while actually. So long that embarrassingly, part of him, dreads the day he gets the urge to hug someone. Because he doesn’t think he’ll be able to do it right. 

With Wayne they’re in a routine of shoulder pats or a side on squeeze. If Eddie’s having a really bad time he can curl near him on the ratty sofa and likes to rest his forehead on his uncles shoulder, Wayne’s work worn hands coming up to ruffle his hair, let him be for a while. 

But they don’t really hug. Not for real. Not really. 

And Eddie doesn’t mind, is the thing. He doesn’t need that from his uncle. 

With the hellfire boys it’s always been nudges and poking and a friendly kind of wrestled, headlock, type thing. That’s the line, that’s the boundary. And Eddie’s okay with that too, they’re friends, they’re guys, they’re good people but Eddie just doesn’t think he can show that part of himself to them. The part that doesn’t know, the part that sort of wants more but is too afraid to ask. 

Sometimes the thought or actuality of someone touching him makes him kind of queasy. Makes him twist his rings and pull his hair. He doesn’t want it. Not always.

He knows his Nana used to hug him, before she passed away, and his Mom probably did too, he just can’t really remember. But that was normal, that’s what Moms and Nana’s do. But he doesn’t get that now. That type of hugging. 

Then Eddie meets Steve, meets Steve in the upside down. A different Steve than he’d known of in school. A slightly different Steve again once they’re all out, all healed and patched and the horrors hidden away. 

He meets that Steve. And Eddie, Eddie thinks he wants to hug him. 

He knows he’s being a little weird about it. Fluttering in and out of Steve’s space, never quite letting himself touch, never more than a brush of fingers or a nudge of his hip. Never staying still enough to let Steve make a move on what he wants. 

But then the choice is sort of made for the both of them. Pushed together by fate, maybe, if you believe in that. 

All Eddie believes in, all Eddie knows, is that Steve’s house is so fucking loud. 

‘The walls Stevie they’re so, so white. And your fridge! It’s just, loud and and weird.’ Eddie had said, already frustrated when Steve came to pick him up, even more so once they arrived. 

And once he was inside, it was like everything doubled, tripled. Steve’s house was unbearable tonight. 

But Steve had just laughed and Eddie knew he would, knew from the way he’d said it, all loud and over the top - added inflections, a good DM. But, the thing is, he mentioned it because he meant it, for real. It’s too fucking loud, thrumming under his skin. 

Eddie’s curled up on the couch, everyone else over now too for a movie night. They’re usually enjoyable, seeing the kids, Robin, Nancy. It’s nice. 

But tonight, tonight it’s turned up loud and people are talking and it’s not a scary film but it kind of is. 

He’s biting the skin of his cuticles just to feel something other than itchy and floaty and dizzy with discomfort. His heart is beating too fast and he can hear the blood rushing in his ears. overlapping with the films crashing and static and the rustling of snacks and the cars outside. 

His skin feels sweaty against his clothes, sticking to the sofa and ripping him apart. 

It’s loud and Eddie is scared. 

He mutters ‘bathroom’ and thinks Steve next to him probably heard, even with his head resting on Robins shoulder. Doesn’t stop to find out. Doesn’t really care. Just needs to get out. 

He walks quickly to the stairs and tries not to sprint up them, but takes them two at a time, breathing heavily though his nose. 

Eddie closes the door to Steve’s upstairs bathroom, tears prickling his eyes as he steps from one foot to the other, rocking. His hand migrate to his hair, gripping and pulling harshly. tug stop, pain ebb. 

But the noise still travels, it’s better than in would’ve been in the downstairs bathroom but Eddie shoves the heels of his palms against his ears. He’s panting now, vision blurring. Shoulders and neck tense. 

He pushes against his ears harder, wants nothing, wants quiet. Wants it to bite. 

Thing is, he used to love noise. Would seek it out, find it wherever he could. He’d push practice to run late and he’d hang out at the hideout after their set, just to feel that press of voices all around him. The hum of the amps alone used to fill him up something magic, set his bones alight. 

As a kid he used to crinkle paper by his ears, just to hear it crackle and rustle, like white noise static in his brain and skin. Used to beg Wayne to take him to the junkyard every weekend just so he could bang on the big old rusty metal with a stick. Hear the hum crash, bellow and die out. The different tones, the different dents and scrapes changing the sound. He used to spend hours scrabbling around, trying everything he could to make enough sound, make enough noise, to feel that feeling of everything being full and alive and awake and amazing. 

Now though, after. After those bats screams burrowed into him and made noice synonymous with fear and pain and blood red darkness. Now he’s scared of the stray cats that meow in the night, grates his teeth if someone drags him to the diner, the buzz of the fluorescents and scraping of plates making him want to scream. 

Noise used to be his safe space, now he can’t even be in a room full of his friends. Can't tonight, not like this. And see, he’s always been weird but now even that’s changed.

He doesn’t even recognise himself anymore. 

It’s that thought, that fear, that has Eddie dropping to a crouch, knees under his chin. He leans against the bathtub and tries to steady his breathing. But the tears are slipping out and he feel his lungs contract, he can’t breath, he can’t. 

He pushes his hand harder into his ears, the blood rushing. Rocks so his back hits the tub, thud, thud thud. Remembers how horrible those weeks in hospital were, the bed sheets and the beeping and the smell. It would’ve been horrid anyway but after those days full of fear, that adrenaline he’d gone through but not processed. It was unbearable. 

And he’s still not back, not recovered. He’s so tired. Everything’s so tiring. He can only manage to leave the trailer maybe once a week, when he’s dragged out, taken to something by Steve or Wayne or Dustin. (They try for more but Eddie thinks that might actually make him loose it.) He goes out and tries to act normal, tries to keep the people around him from leaving. Goes out but it all feels different. 

He misses the weight and smell of his leather jacket, his jeans from before and wallet chain he used to fiddle with. Misses who he was when he had those things, who he thought he could be.  

Otherwise he’s in his room, trying to feel better. Sleeping a lot, listening to the same album over and over, eating the same thing just because anything else would be too much. Press too hard on his rips. Be an extra boulder stacked onto his already cracking shoulders. 

Eddie doesn’t hear the door open and close quietly, doesn’t hear Steve’s socks pad over the bathroom rug. 

But he feels his body heat and smells his cologne. Eddie still gasping for breath, too afraid to open his eyes or move his hands from his ears. But he feels body heat, Steve’s here. Eddie feels him. 

His still ragged breaths stutter for a moment when he feels Steves large, warm palm settle between his shoulder blades. He flinches at the contact but Steve doesn’t move, just stays there, touching lightly, in that one place, grounding. Bringing Eddie back to his body slowly. His lungs filling up with a little more air each time he breaths. 

He swallows thickly, coming back to himself slightly, but still scared to open his eyes, deeper breaths bracketed by sobs and hiccups. He hates when people see him cry. 

Eventually he moves his hands so they’re just cupped over his ears, instead of pushed tightly against. He can just make out the soft rumbling of Steve’s voice, too quiet to be heard before but Eddie can understand him now. 

‘That’s it, deep breaths. just like me, okay?’ Steve takes a deep breath. ‘That’s it Ed’s, in for two, out for two.’ He breaths out through his mouth, hand rubbing soothing circles over Eddie’s shoulders. 

Eddie follows, breathing deeper, filling his body with oxygen again. Breathing along with Steve. 

Eventually Eddie moves his hands, sniffing again and scrubbing his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. He crosses his arms on his knees and buries his head there. 

He takes another deep breath, finally finding the courage to open his eyes and peek over at Steve. 

He’s backlit by the moonlight shining through the frosted window, the only other light in the room is the orange strip across the bottom of the closed bathroom door. 

Eddie can still hear everyone downstairs, the rumble of the tv, but it doesn’t feel so bad now, doesn’t make his skin crawl so much. He’s not ready to got back out there though. Not yet. 

‘Hi.’ Steve says, smiling at Eddie like it’s another normal day and not one where he just helped Eddie though a full on meltdown in his parents bathroom. 

Eddie snorts. God. He’s so embarrassed.

Swallowing Eddie has to force the words out of his chest, would like to not say anything but Steve is here and Steve is smiling at him and the least Eddie can do is speak a little, as uncomfortable as it is. 

‘Sorry.’ He lands on, voice rough and quiet. 

‘No, none of that Ed’s yeah? Remember, party rules?’ And Steve speaks just as quietly as Eddie did, like he knows, knows how fragile Eddie is right now. Eddie grunts, tears bubbling a slipping out again. 

Party rules are that Steve won’t ask twice if someone needs to come over or call, any time of night. If you need a ride to a members house or just to fall asleep with him on the line, he’s there. Eddie can’t count the number of times he’s seen Steve drop Lucas at Max's trailer late at night, Steve watching until he gets inside. If it isn’t too late he’s started coming to check on Eddie too. Sometimes Eddie’s able to see him, engage with him. Sometimes it’s too much, being a person, even in front of Steve. He leaves Wayne to tell him eddies fine, or as fine as Eddie can be, at the moment. 

‘What can I do?’ Steve asks, bringing Eddie back to the present, to Steve’s bathroom floor. 

Eddie screws his eyes up. He, ugh. ‘I don’t know how to, do, what I want.’ Eddie says, nonessential. But he just. He wants. Wants to feel Steve, imagines that warmth, and grounding, wants more. Too much. 

Steve’s eyebrows furrow slightly, but his face still seems kind, like always. Steve’s always kind. ‘What do you want?’ He asks. 

Eddie looks at the floor, there’s a loose thread on the edge of the rug, he stares at it. ‘A hug.’ He mumbles, cheeks flaming. 

‘Oh.’ Steve breaths. And then, like it’s simple, like it’s nothing. ‘Okay.’ he says and Eddie glances at him. 

Steve shifts so his back is flat against the tub, legs out in front of him and arms open. Waiting. 

‘Take your time, any way you want it.’ Steve says. 

Eddie wipes his face again, shifts onto his knees without really thinking, drawn towards Steve like always. But he falters, hands raised but fingers clenching and unfurling. He twitches his head to the left and few times, almost uncontrollably, he does it again. ‘I, ah, um.’ He doesn’t. He doesn’t know how. 

Because this is different still, from Wayne, from his Nana, from friends. This is Steve. 

But Steve just sits, waiting, looking at Eddie. ‘Take your time. Any way you want Ed’s.’ Steve says again softly, imploring. 

Eddie blinks hard and couple times, tugs at his hair again, focus, focus. He shuffles forward and wraps his arms around Steve’s neck a little awkwardly. His back bending to lean far enough, not sure how hard to squeeze, afraid to be too close, touch too much. 

Eddie’s breathing picks up again, he doesn’t, cant, doesn’t know how. He pulls away, scrubbing at his face again. 

‘Can I?’ Steve starts, moving toward Eddie but stops, waiting for a reply. Eddie nods mutely, cheeks flaming. 

Steve moves closer, Eddie knees up against his thigh. He pulls on Eddies leg, getting him to move it over top of Steve’s. Until he’s essentially sitting in his lap. Eddies eyes are wide, Steve is so close, so warm. 

He keeps going, slowly, bringing Eddie’s chest to his slowly, wrapping Eddie’s arms around his torso and then wrapping his own around Eddie. One big warm palm leading Eddie’s head into the crook of Steve’s neck, where it’s dark, smells strongly of citrus and musk. 

Eddie’s tense, muscles locked tight, but then Steve shifts one more time, getting comfortable and squeezes Eddie once. The pressure, it unlocks something inside him. Steve breaths out, like he’s relaxing too, like this is nice for Steve too. 

‘S’okay Eddie, relax for me.’ Steve prompts quietly, arms squeezing again. Everything soft and quiet and warm. 

Eddie tips over the edge. 

He empties his lungs, slow and stuttering, in and out. Relaxes. Slumping down onto Steve and lets go. ‘Oh.’ It feels so good to be held, to be wrapped up like this. Steve’s arms hold firm around him, pulling them impossibly closer. 

Eddie whimpers, let’s go fully, drifts. 

He thinks he might honestly fall asleep, so exhausted from his meltdown, the emotion and sensory, twist and release. 

He comes too with Steve stroking a hand over his hair and down his back, repeating the long slow motion over and over, like Eddie is some overgrown cat. 

He breaths deep one last time, steals himself for the cold of letting go. Sits back on his heels, extracting himself from Steve’s neck and unfurling his grip of Steve’s waist. 

But Steve stops him getting too far. One hand on the back in eddies neck, one at his hip. It’s almost too much, makes Eddie think about more than friends, about skin on skin. About being held like this, only different. 

‘Sorry, um, thanks.’ He says, afraid to look Steve in the eye, staring at the collar of his polo instead, reaching up to fiddle with one of the little shiny buttons. 

Steve just squeezes Eddie’s neck, letting go to move around slightly now that Eddie’s whole weight isn’t on him anymore. ‘For someone who says they don’t know how to hug, that was pretty nice.’ Steve says once he’s settled, hands back on Eddie hips. 

That makes Eddie glance up, flick his eyes to Steve’s and back down. Just enough time to take in his soft smile and kind gaze, down tuned and sleepy. He looks relaxed, happy. 

Eddie’s heart clenches. But he just huffs, ‘yeah, sure.’ Only he can’t help smiling a little, half believing. Half believing the ridiculousness, That Steve would enjoy this too. 

But Steve reaches up and tucks some hair behind Eddie’s ear, so soft and caring. ‘Hey, I mean it. And if you ever want, ever need this again. I’m here.’ He says, voice still a whisper. 

Eddie feels tears prickle again, how could, how is Steve even real? ‘Careful Stevie.’ He jokes. ‘Say any more and you’ll never get rid of me.’ Eddie doesn’t to want to go, Eddie wants to stay right here forever. But he knows he can’t. Can’t do that. 

‘I mean it Ed’s, any time you want. How-however you want.’ And Steve looks up at him, cheeks pink in the moonlight and eyes wide. Like he’s said too much, like he’s scared too. 

Eddie wants to kiss him. 

Wants to bury his head back in Steve’s neck and never come out. Wants to slip his tongue past the seam of Steve’s lips and grind his hips down just to see what noises he’ll get. Wants to hear him and touch him and taste him all over. Wants to curl up in bed next to him and bring him over to have dinner with Wayne. Wants to share his food and listen to his heartbeat and let Steve in. Let him see more. More of Eddie. 

But not now. Not when there’s salt tracks in his face and phlegm in his throat. When he needs a glass of water and a, like, nine hour nap. ‘Kay.’ He settles on, voice wet but happy, he’s so happy, to have Steve now, even if it’s hard and he’s so tired and so scared. He has Steve. He has Wayne and his friends and he has Steve. ‘Thank you.’ Eddie whispers, feeling held by the dark bathroom. Space and time on pause. He feels brave, feels exposed and covered head to toe in all his past and all his present. Feels here, feels now. 

Eddie leans forward and places the softest of kisses on Steve’s cheek. The first he’s ever given, and how nice, that it’s Steve. How nice, to feel his warmth and hear his little intake of breath. 

Eddie blushes, scrubs at his cheeks again. Slipping off of Steve’s thighs to sit back next to him, shoulder to shoulder, on the little bathroom rug. 

‘Do you want to go back down? Or um, I can take you home?’ Steve asks, sounds unsure but his voice is soft, steady. Eddie bites his thumb, rubs his knuckles against his teeth. 

He doesn’t know what he wants. Wishes they could stay here forever. But there’s a room full of people and this is Steve’s house, he can’t just leave them, can’t just stay here, with Eddie, in his parents bathroom. 

‘I’ll uhm, I’ll just wait here a little longer, until the movie finishes. You go down, be a good host.’ And Eddie smiles, but he doesn’t feel it in his eyes, can’t face the light and noise again just yet, the questions or glances that might come his way. 

‘I’ll go check on them then, take some back and then you can go last. Or, or stay, if you, if you want.’ 

Eddie’s heart clenches again. He wants to, to stay. But he also wants his bed, familiar and inviting. Wants to smell Wayne in the air and have his tape on to fall asleep. Wants normal, after tonight. Needs it. 

But one day. When he feels better. When that spark he had sometimes comes back, the one that believed he could be a rockstar or a writer. That would dream up campaigns and have the energy to write them down. When that part of him comes back, when he’s not so tired. Then he’ll go to Steve, offer himself up, ask for more, ask to stay. 

But tonight he’s too close to breaking, too flayed open and rubbed pink. ‘A lift home later would be nice, just us?’ He asks, it’s so much, fills him up. It’s everything he wants, in this moment. 

Steve nods, bumping their knees together. 

He’s so good, Eddie marvels, for the hundredth time. 

‘Course. I’ll bring you some water.’ And Steve shifts to stand, using Eddie to help him up. It’s so nice, to be this close, a barrier broken, new rules to be made. 

‘You can wait in my room, if you want? It might be more comfortable.’ Steve says, hand on the doorknob. Eddie just nods, blushes, not even sure why. But Steve smiles, pretty and boyish and small.  

He slips out and turns off the light on the landing, the whole floor bathed in darkness. Eddie didn’t even ask, he didn’t even have to. He feels tears well again, laughing a little at it all. At the Steve of it all. 

He stays curled up on the bathroom rug a little longer, in the new quiet memory of Steve and warmth and darkness. Until he’s ready. Knows Steve will be waiting. 

.𖥔˚

Tag List (open) : @scoops-aboy86 @pearynice @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @cheesedoctor @chickensinrainboots

also.. @spectrum-spectre @babydollbaron @flowercrowngods just bc :)

[punkitt-is-here]

Read These Frequently Asked Questions Before You Send An Ask!

Patreon | Ko-Fi | Youtube

Heyo! I get a TON of asks each day, so I'm making this post so that folks know what's already been asked so my followers don't have to see the same stuff over and over, haha.

Hi! I'm Punkitt! I'm a game developer, artist, editor, director, and a bunch of other stuff! I'm working on an RPG called Astral Guard, a platformer called Susan Taxpayer, and I have a couple more fun projects in my pocket like Happup and Super Mario Death Row.

Did you know you look like weird al?

YES jesus fucking christ i get told this every day. if u send me a message in my inbox saying i look like weird al im killing you with like wizard spells and shit.

Why do you have so many hats? Do you know you have that many hats?

ye i like hats. :) free tumblr badges for one pea i like one piece and took as many as i could. free.

Where can I find your art/game development/horsecomix?

Great question! Everything I make that's my own and not a reblog is under "my posts", every bit of art I do is under "my art", any game development I do is under "gamedev", you can find all my MLP art under "mlp, my art" or "horsecomix" for the best stuff. I also have an "animations" tag and a "shitposts" tab. I also properly tag all my asks to be asks and write out the asker's name, so if you don't wanna see those just mute the ask tag.

Do you have a Patreon or a Ko-Fi?

I do have a ko-fi here! I also JUST launched a Patreon, which you can find here :)

What do you use for your art?

I use FireAlpaca and Paint.net for misc. effects!

What are you using to make your games?

I use FireAlpaca do make my assets! Astral Guard, Happup, and any other top-down RPG games I make are all made in RPGMaker 2003. Susan Taxpayer is made in SMBX2 Beta 4, a Mario fangame engine with lua support!

Why are you using a 2-decade-plus engine to make games?

It's fun!

Do you have a sideblog or something for your art?

Not right now! What you see is what you get. I do have a sideblog for Astral Guard though, if you want to follow that game specifically! @astral-guard

Can I make an OC based on your work? ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!! THATS THE COOLEST THING EVER!!!! LET ME KNOW IF YOU DO!!!! I WANNA SEE!!!!

Can I do dubs/redraws of your comics? As long as you credit me! I get a ton of notifs each day, so if you wanna show me (and PLEASE i so do wanna see fun dubs and redraws!!!) tag me or DM me!

Can I use your art as a PFP? Sure! Just credit me somewhere. :D

Are you the one who trapped her coworkers in a room and made them listen to TF2 lore?

Yep! Everyone had a blast actually. :]

Did you make that comic where Fluttershy eats the weed brownie/Rainbow Dash has a male living space/someone has a cutie mark that says they'll kill Ronald Reagan?

Yep! That's me.

Where are you in MLP right now?

Currently just finished Season 7! Haven't watched the movie yet.

Have you watched Equestria Girls?

Yep! Thought it was super cute. I watched up to Rainbow Rocks and plan on watching more.

What's your opinion on MLP so far?

I love it! I think it's cute. I really don't agree that there was some sort of huge quality drop after season 2 or whatever.

What do you think of G5?

Not my style! I don't really like either animation types and it just seems like I'm not in the audience anymore. That's totally chill, but it just doesn't grab me!

Have you watched any other MLP stuff from previous generations?

Nope! But I did see a compilation called Minty Being Autistic for Six Minutes Straight that I loved. she's perfect.

Favorite pony?

Don't got one, I love all the Mane Six a LOT, but I'm particularly fond of Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rarity!

Favorite episode/season?

I'm so bad at picking favorites! But any season past Season 1 I have a blast with because I feel like it's just more my style. I don't have a favorite episode, but the most recent one I can remember LOVING is the one where Starlight bottles up her emotions because it was REALLY funny.

Do you like Pony.mov?

Nope! And stop saying my stuff reminds you of it, it's a lil annoying!

Have you watched the Mentally Advanced Series/Friendship is Witchcraft/Other fandom vids?

Probably not! My interaction with the MLP fandom prior to last year was pretty minimal, so I'm making my way through the show first!

What do you think of Fallout: Equestria?

I think it's super weird but really fun because of that. I've never properly read any of it but it's very fascinating to me.

Are you transgender?

Yep! I go by she/her, I'm a trans woman. Have been for many years, but I only recently came out online!

Are you a lesbian?

Nah, I'm bisexual!

Can I commission you?

Yeah! I only have my commissions available on my Ko-Fi at certain times though, so keep an eye out! I usually announce slots being open at least 12 hours beforehand. Slots are usually first come first serve, but we'll see.

Can I use your art as a Discord emote?

Yeah man i'm not scouring every discord on the planet to find stickers of my work. i think it owns if people take my stuff and make it stupid injoke emotes between friends that makes me very happy.

Can I send you an ask inquiring about gender dysphoria?

I feel like this is beyond my capabilities of advice! I'm actually very comfortable with my body and I have been for many years, so I don't know if I can give any good or helpful advice on that front. Apologies, but there are many resources out there where you can ask about those things if you look for them, like Discord channels!

Favorite Color?

I'm a sucker for blue!

Favorite coffee?

Can't drink coffee, my stomach is cringe.

Favorite tea?

I'm lame and can't drink most tea but I love this one orange-flavored tea a lot. I also LOVE ice tea.

Can I say you're horsegender/punkittgender/a little gender goblin void thing?

Well, I can't stop you, but I'm kind of beyond that phase now! I really am a boring ol' plain she/her girl, and I like it that way. It's not much, but it's honest gender.

What's your favorite game series?

Mother, Kingdom Hearts, Mario, and I USED to say Fallout, but I found out I'm really only a big Fallout New Vegas fan.

Favorite game from those?

Mother 3 is one of my fave games of all time! I love KHII, and I'm tied for SMB3 and SMW. Also Fallout New Vegas fucks hard.

Any other favs?

Bug Fables, SLARPG, and TF2!

Favorite Movie?

Everything Everywhere All At Once, no question.

Oh, are you going to college?

Yep! I'm a film/theater major.

Do you have a YouTube channel?

Yeah! Click right here for it, I stream there and upload footage of my games/animations/my film projects + other stuff.

What is that little orange creature I see?

That's bweenop, my little persona that I use when I'm feeling a little scrunkly.

Do you have a ponysona?

Yep! Her name is Star Magnolia, you can search her on the blog to see art of her.

When will Susan Taxpayer/Astral Guard/etc. be out?

No clue! I take things slow, that's just how I am.

How do you work on so many things at once?

I make small, satisfying amounts of progress! I never try to complete one giant thing all at once, I just like doing small bursts of fun stuff. I got ADHD, so I learn to work with it.

Did you know you look like Weird Al?

Im going to run you over with a clown car watch out

WHY do you work on so many things at once?

Fun! I like learning, I like making cool stuff, and I like showing it to people :)

Do you need any help with your projects?

Potentially! I'll probably put out a post asking for help if I need it.

If you could be a horse, would you?

You kidding me? Several ton beasts with the frailty of a sickly Victorian boy; my clumsy ass would never survive.

Are you some sort of...furry?

yeag

Why do you reblog so much?

Brother I LOVE posting. that's just how it is.

Fav music artists?

It changes literally ALL the time but I will recommend ANYTHING by Vylet Pony, its music is incredible and probably the reason I'm a weird niche microcelebrity now.

Why are you like this?

theater kid + having a lot of fun on the internet makes you a bit silly hehe hoo

SUSAN TAXPAYER QUESTIONS

Is it out? Not yet! But hopefully sometime in the next year. I dunno! I take things at my own pace and keep stuff fun. :)

What are you using to make it? SMBX2! It's a free fangame engine for Mario episodes, but it's incredibly versatile and has a wonderful community, so I decided to make Susan Taxpayer in it.

Is there a demo? You betcha! You can find it right here. I'll also probably put it up on my itch.io.

How do I install it? I made a post here about how to run the SAGE '23 demo!

[dolibeauti]

dude im going insane for discord mod chronically online college boy xiao. (thats a lot of adjectives(are those even considered adjectives??))

discord mod xiao x goth egirl reader....

xiao swirling his tongue around the cold metal of the piercing.... mascara and eyeliner running down your face as he pounds into you relentlessly... (I HAVE LIP PIERCINGS(kitty fangs + dahlias <3) SO THIS IS LIKE FEEDING ME. RRRRGHHHGHHHS WUAHHH)

OH MISTER MOD !

NSFW MDNI a/n : girl i totally forgot how to write chronically online. and yes, i used my own discord account for the example

discord mod xiao . . . who is literally always on discord. it hurts his eyes to be scanning all the server channels 24/7 but it's his job (they pay him like a dollar per day💀)

honestly, people in his college wouldn't know he was a discord mod IF he wasn't such a loner. he's... weird? well, slightly. he is such a geek about e-girls and secretly stalks the ones in his college. oh, but it's so different on discord because he's definitely popular among the girls in the server he's active on.

whether it be because he's hot (he send his selfies in those #face-reveal) or because they wanna have him only for his admin powers. also idk if this is relevant but he probably owns/mods porn server.

let's not forget about his obsession with goth e-girls, though! he has a favorite girl. and surprise, surprise, it's you!

he saw you in the face reveal channel and immediately nicknamed you his favorite :((( and you started spamming the chat with keyboard smashes.

you guys aren't like dating but people ship you!!!

but wait til you realize he was in your college, and realize he's the weirdo. so imagine his shock when you dm him and say that you can't be his favorite e-girl because you guys go to the same college!!!

when you remove your nickname and banner people start HOWLING. going nuts over you and nuts over xiao (they ping you guys non-stop)

after that, it doesn't take long to find out who you really are because you posted your face. he somehow finds out which dorm you are in and knocks +++ when you open the door he forces himself in.

his lips crash into yours.

damn, was he always this attractive? you give in eventually and kiss him back. "holy shit... did you really find my dorm?" you ask him after gasping for air. "well, duh... you're my favorite e-girl."

you never expected his dick to be so big but when it penetrates you, you can feel it in you. his thrusts are sloppy cause he's a virgin but it's literally never-ending it makes you shed tears.

those tears slide down your face, bringing your white foundation and black eye makeup down with it. you want to complain about how your makeup said it was waterproof but the way he gets better at pounding into you by the thrust doesn't allow you to do so.

wait til you find out he's utterly obsessed with kissing you. and then it turns into an obsession with your lip piercings, his warm tongue contrasting the cold metal that pierces your skin. it definitely turns you on PLSSS.

talk about fucking around and finding out in the best way possible

bonus : after that, he removes your "single" role and replaces it with a "wife" role with the owner's permission. <3

[blujayonthewing]

interpreting 'Noticing Things and Figuring Stuff Out is my entire character concept and I even specifically have a feat that gives me bonuses to passive perception and investigation but DMs literally never use passive scores and I keep beefing my active checks' as felix being overstimulated by information overload and unable to focus on the correct/ useful things, for my own sanity

[her-satanic-wiles]

I'ma need some of you to take several seats. Some of your "hot takes" aren't even spicy. They're just dumb as hell.

Of all the points I've seen over the last week or so that's got my goat, let me remind you real quick:

No one is glorifying darker themes IRL just because they write about them.

Just because a person doesn't write about using a condom in their smut doesn't mean they're promoting unsafe sex. Touch some grass, enter the real world.

Not every person in the world is thin. Your asses get everything. If someone draws the Papas chubby or dare I say fat, shut up and put up. Scroll past it if you prefer.

On that note, hairy men exist, and I beg you to get off the Hub because it's melting whatever braincells you have left. Dolphin smooth isn't natural for some people.

If someone decides to draw the Papas with hair despite the fact that they're canonically bald in their older years - there's nothing wrong with that. You do realise men get receding hairlines, right? That some men choose to shave off the hair they once had because of it, right? Your intolerance is showing. Pipe down.

If Copia sings He Is, fun fact, Tobias wrote that. Therefore, he can sing whatever fucking song he likes. Get over it.

If you're over the age of 18 and are not mature enough to be in 18+, gtfo.

And on that vein, if you got something to say, then say it with your whole chest. @ a bitch next time. "I don't like confrontation." Then don't say shit. Fuck around and find out.

And no, I haven't @ anyone here because there's been so many of you being fucking weird I don't remember who said what. But if the shoe fits and you feel affronted, you know what you've done. My DMs are open. By all means, come and discuss shit with me.

[2minutesnotice]

Why People With Mental Illness And Trauma Deserve Love

(and why Blitzø Buckso is one of them)

Grab yourself some snacks and a drink, I'll have a talk with you people who go all for the

"If you can't love yourself, you can't love anybody else"

mantra, which is toxic as fuck.

And sorry for the typos 😬🥲

SPOILER WARNING Full Moon

tw:mental illness / coping mechanism / self harm self worth / shitty parenting /abusive and toxic relationships

First of all, I'm autistic, so a lot of scenarios I'll give you will come from my experiences because it's easier for me to feel empathy that way and explain a situation.

BLITZØ IN FULL MOON

People come into my DMs and want to rant with me about him. I get it. It seems he's an asshole.

And he IS.

Blitzø has multiple character traits which are trauma coded and boy what a can of worms that is. Most of them are really hard in your face, like the fact that he can't stand his own face in pictures.

Which comes from a deep rooted self hate, which comes up in self worth issues. Blitzø had his fair experience with drugs and alcohol , even drowned himself in last to get over his shitty experience with Stolas at Ozzie's.

I'm not saying he's suicidal, but Blitzø's biggest fear is, to die alone.

Because he KNOWS how he is. That makes him really self reflected. He knows how he behaves, he knows his own coping mechanisms.

That's why it's so easy to make him mad. He's mostly angry at himself in most situations, so it also happened in Full Moon. Blitzø uses anger to get things out of people, because most people react to anger, but he's not doing it to HURT people, it's the only way he knows how to get an reaction out of people.

The reaction HE wants. Since Blitzø has no self worth he has no clue WHY people should love him. So he shoves them away and keeps them at distance.

At the same time he CRAVES intimacy. And here's the conflict. Blitzø's love language is sex.

He feels the closest to people if he can be intimate with them. And yes, even in a weird "I fuck Chaz to be close to M&M" kind of way. He is krass with his talking about sex, he over shares, he LOVES to talk about sex.

Because he's good at it. And because it gets him close to people. If the show had more time I bet we would've seen Blitzø having multiple one night stands over the time. Yes, even with his arrangement with Stolas. Because there was sex before there were feelings. Definitely.

Shitty Parenting x Self Worth

Blitzø got sold by his own father as a play buddy for a rich kid. Yes the rich kid was Stolas and it was cute, but still, rich kid.

And we all have seen, that he wasn't good at what his father made him do in the circus but what Blitzø always had, was his pride. Also, he's very good at making things up as they go. Doing that damn horse balloon and making a joke about it, shows how he is capable of selling himself still as the best, even if it isn't so.

We don't know much about Tilla, but we know Blitzø definitely had a closer relationship to her then to his father.

I know we only have two concrete scenes which show what kind of an relationship Cash and his son had, but the "I wish you were my son" card for Fizz kinda draws us the picture here.

As a child who always had to compete with a sister which was highly gifted, this does something to you.

You try to be better, at any cost. Sounds familiar?

"I'll try to be better".

But what? In what will he try to be better? I think Blitzø doesn't even know at what he will try to be better, he just does not want to lose this. But what is this?

RELATIONSHIPS

IF Blitzø would have just cared about his business, he would've walked away with the crystal. Just like that. He would've said

"Thank Satan, I thought I would lose my business,thanks Stolas, it was nice as it lasted" and he would've been gone.

But he didn't. He listened to what Stolas said but he didn't LISTEN. Because it was confusing as fuck, even as The Audience just watching it was a LOT what was said and going from

"I'll let you go" to "I have feelings for you, please stay" in a second.

And of course Blitzø would not understand that. Because Stolas could not MEAN it. Because Stolas has servants who are Imps and he called him names, a plaything and if Blitzø is anything for Stolas, at first, he's a whore.

Blitzø sold his body for a service. For his business.

They could have made that arrangement about ANYTHING. Money, another hitman service, bodyguarding.

STOLAS made it about sex. The thing Blitzø knows, the one he CRAVES, the thing he is good at, besides killing people.

But the one thing Blitzø is not good at, are words and feelings. And Stolas had a lot of them, at once. And it felt not fair for Blitzø to be cornered like that, because he had no idea what was expected from him. And then he used the ONLY thing he knows, which always gets something out of people: Anger.

That's the words and feelings he knows.

And he got an reaction, but also had to deal with the consequences.

STOLAS AT FULL MOON

I love Stolas. But he he's living in a romance novel world and there's also, trauma.

Stolas first words I had imprinted in my mind were "I always thought love could be fun". He wished for a happy family his whole life and all he got was an abusive wife and a loveless marriage.

He is a dreamer. Someone who loves the small things and he is caring. He loves to indulge in fiction, he loves telenovelas because even if there's drama, there are relationships. Something he never had experienced.

Stolas is a soft soul. But he's repressed and depressed as fuck. And that's not only because of Stella, but his upbringing and the knowledge to live in a Golden Cage. But he never voices that he has problems with THAT.

See, Stolas is a prince, he grew up with servants, Imps mostly. In a palace. Even if he despises Stella's parties, I bet if he wouldn't be an outsider in his own race, he would be the one doing the parties himself. It would do him some good because Stolas is also, lonely.

While Blitzø lived in Circus tents and tried to proof himself, Stolas had to proof that he's worthy his title as a prince. Being married, the whole heir thing, his duties.

And then Blitzø appears out of fucking nowhere, seducing him (like in his novels!), staying with him the whole night (showing him he's obviously gay), showing him he can choose, that he HAS A CHANCE to be happy.

With Blitzø.

And then we see the duet and the second Stolas sings about how he wants this to go, I knew they will fuck up. Because Stolas had played out this scenario SO OFTEN in his head, that he has so many images of Blitzø in his head that he knows this will not work out good. He has hopes and dreams but in the end, the decision falls on Blitzø.

So we go to Full Moon and Blitzø reacts... poorly. He even mocks him. And then he starts screaming and shouting and guess who else was always shouting and screaming? Guess who told Stolas his whole marriage that he's not worth anything. That he's not worth of love, that he's a failure, that his head is in the clouds and mocked him about everything he loves.

Blitzøs only way to cope with too many feelings is anger, Stolas trauma is based on anger and rejection.

But Stolas reacted so FAST. He gave Blitzø the crystal and he told him that he gives him the offer to stay, because he has feelings for him (like in his novels!) and his hopes are so high and the second he does not get what he wants, what he needs, he snaps. He's disappointed. He's hurt.

Because he wants this so bad to work.

But it can't, because they're for now reading the same book, but they're so not on the same page.

Because, and now we're getting there, they have to deal with what was said.

TRAUMA AND RELATIONSHIPS

I'm married for ten years now. My wife and I met each other 20 years ago.

I was suicidal back then, I cut myself regularly, I was depressed and had an eating disorder.

But I had friends. And I had relationships. And I loved so so deeply.

And then I got together with my wife 11 years ago. I was freshly diagnosed with being autistic, my wife has ADHD.

She also has several PTSD triggers, I have childhood trauma from living with my Mom who's an alcoholic.

And yes, I am able to have an relationship. We love each other dearly, we care about each other. We learn from each other, daily.

We have bad days, but we are GOOD for each other.

Because you DESERVE TO BE LOVED, no matter what.

In the first place is always that you're responsible for yourself. You can't trauma dump on your partner in excessive ways because that's not healthy. BUT learning to share your experiences but still being responsible for yourself and your actions, is a whole different thing.

You can love and be loved, even at your lowest.

But you have to be aware that your partner is not your therapist and that communication in a relationship, in which both parties are mentally ill, is KEY.

You have to go to the same ground, you have to explain what are your boundaries, what are your triggers but you have also to accept that the other one is sometimes not able to deal with your package.

My wife and I, we communicate DAILY. We have totally different needs. We have totally different views and patterns to deal with things. But we love each other.

Because we respect each other's differences.

And that's the homework for Stolas and Blitzø. They don't have to TO GET BETTER, they have to grow and they have to listen, communicate instead of just dumping expectations at each other.

You can't expect someone to break a pattern that is carved by trauma, just because you tell them you love them. And you can't expect that someone's listening when you push all their triggers at once.

I'm really excited how this will go. It's heartbreaking but I guess now that everything is said, they can finally be honest, without all the trauma dumping and pushing buttons.

And as I said:

You're worth of love. You're worth to be loved and you can give love, even at your lowest. Your deserve love, even at your lowest. You ARE loved.

Thank you for reading! ✨ Gold Star for you!

[apocalypse-shuffle]

AMBER FREEMAN | GHOSTFACE (scream 2022)

—

“Sent A Whole World Crying - pt1” (unrequited Amber Freeman x Fem!Reader) and (background Mindy Meeks-Martin x Fem!Reader)

| You accidentally let Amber know that you think she’s Ghostface (through DM’s); she’s not about to let you live through that mistake, obviously…probably.

| NSFW, canon typical violence, psychological trauma, unrequited feelings, angst (TW: general sadism, malicious concern, some taunting, reader-insert is harmed, slight metaphorical smut - some of the descriptors and dialogue I use are suggestive enough that it could be triggering.)

| Listen I’ve seen the analysis of who killed who in the movie, but for the sake of this fic I don’t care. (pic source: scream 2022 + promotional poster)

| Happy Early October!!

| 4k+ words

You:

- Mindy I’m telling you! - She keeps disappearing during the kills and then coming back all twitchy - Why aren’t you answering? You were all for looking into this shit earlier - Mindy! - I know you love Tara and they used to date or whatever but you know I’m right. - She’s probably Ghostface - Come on girl I’m being serious

You’ve been texting Mindy for the last two hours now and she’s still yet to answer you.

You didn’t know if it was because of how much shit you gave her for her insistence on trying to figure out who’d attempted to kill Tara a few nights ago (as if murder accusations were just mere gossip), or because she just hadn’t checked her texts yet, but this was bugging you to much for you to drop.

Hypocritical or not.

At first you’d blown off the signs, but red flags were red flags and eventually if they added up enough they started to look like blood splattered on the walls. Which didn’t help with the way your friend’s particular brand of paranoia was starting to rub off on you.

Now, you’ve managed to work yourself up so much at Amber’s most recent disappearing act that you’d nearly ran home so you could safely text Mindy.

In a circumstance that was beginning to be rarer and rarer for you both you couldn’t be up underneath each other right now so her DM’s would have to suffice.

She was busy with the film club at the moment, but she’d never once begrudged you texting her whenever and after going out with her and her friends last night then stewing over your observations all day you needed to tell somebody what you thought.

You weren’t very close to the group Mindy hung out with — you fucked with your own company just fine — but you and Mindy had become close over your mutual hate of your philosophy class and eventually she’d stumbled through asking you to hang out as a group (still blunt as ever even despite her raging blush) so you’d been with her friends at the bar only because she asked.

Friendship obligations, and all that.

It wasn’t like you didn’t want to figure out who would do something so horrible just as much as they did either. It was just that you only truly cared for Mindy and Chad’s sakes.

Or at least as much as most of them wanted to figure this situation out.

Amber talked a big game about caring for Tara’s safety above all else and vetting everyone the smaller teen came into contact with, but after that jerk who got y’all kicked out left Amber had disappeared too. She came back overly excited — weird considering her best friend was almost brutally murdered — and there had been smudges on her shoes. You couldn’t confirm that it was that guy's blood, but you certainly felt like it was. The glint of something thick and wet was pretty hard to miss even on black boots.

Which was why you needed Mindy to answer you. You couldn’t bank on Amber fucking off around the same time the news reported Ghostface killed that man being a happy little coincidence.

Amber was pushy and rude on a good day and on a bad you’d seen her be downright malicious before, tripping someone down the stairs after he’d bumped into her type of malicious.

Plus ever since you started hanging out with Mindy you’ve noticed her staring at you more often, and no matter the contemplative look on Amber’s face whenever you caught her staring, her attention still made the hairs on the back of your neck prickle.

Sighing, you unlock your phone and check your messages again, pacing around your room all the while, before something catches your eye.

That wasn’t Mindy’s handle. It just looked nearly identical.

Shit, no wonder she wasn’t responding.

Jolting to a stop in the middle of the room, you rush to delete the messages.

It’s as you’re deleting the fourth that the green ‘active now’ dot shows up beside the unfamiliar username and then ‘read’ pops up underneath your last three texts.

“Damnit,” you grumble, still deleting the last couple texts. It won’t do much now, but if you were fast enough the person at least won’t be able to show anyone else or prove what you said.

Your stomach flips a little as you see the three dots pop up in the vacant space left behind by your erasing spree.

You freeze.

And then, heart in your stomach, you just react, exiting out of the conversation and going to the person's account and blocking them.

Oh god, you were so fucked. Shit. You really hoped that wouldn't come back to bite you on the ass.

You sit down on your bed with a huff, heart beating so fast it feels like you just ran the mile in gym class again. Dropping your phone on your comforter you shake out your trembling fingers. You suppose that was a sign that maybe you should just keep your opinion to yourself.

You rub your hands down your face.

Yeah, okay. Problem kind of (maybe) avoided for now. You’d just have to hope for the best.

You grunt, “Okay, I need a nap.”

And then you take that nap. As is your right.

─────

You’re jarred from sleep a few hours later by the sound of a continuous series of buzzing, and glare sleep crusted eyes up at your blurred ceiling fan.

Mindy had better not be calling you for some contrite shit again, like helping her beat Chad at whatever late night game they’d decided to occupy their twin insomnia with at — rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you look at your phone — eleven pm.

Honestly though, who else would be ballsy enough to start rapid texting you like this in the goddamn middle of the night? The other girl knew you went to sleep around nine on school nights, but Mindy did whatever she—

It feels like your heart stops beating as your Face ID unlocks your phone and you finally read the messages. Ones sent from what looks like a throwaway account with a handle you don’t remotely recognize.

The particular messages, on the other hand, are horribly familiar.

Unknown:

- Mindy I’m telling you! - She keeps disappearing during the kills and then coming back all twitchy - Why aren’t you answering? You were all for looking into this shit earlier - Mindy! - I know you love Tara and they used to date or whatever but you know I’m right. - She’s probably Ghostface - Come on girl I’m being serious - •••

Wide eyed, you can’t do anything but watch as another series of messages are sent.

Unknown:

- you think I’m some bitch faced little girl - well I’ll show you

And just like that you hear the power in the house cut off and watch with stilted breath as the service bar at the top of your screen goes down.

Immediately afterwards a message pops up on your phone to inform you that you’ve lost service even.

Shit.

You blink at your screen for another few seconds, brows furrowing, before whipping your head up to look around your room. Flashes of Tara battered to hell in the hospital and the memory of Sam telling you all about the attempted attack on her in that very place, mere hours after Tara had been checked in, fill your brain to the brim.

Mind feeling stuffed with static you let out a harsh breath through your nose, hand squeezing hard onto your device, and take a glance out the broken blind in your window to clock that there for sure wasn’t a power outage happening anywhere else but at your house.

So someone was definitely fucking with you.

Fuck, you gotta think.

How the killer even got the dm’s you sent if they weren’t Amber wasn’t a question for now, but how you’d get out of this mess certainly was. With your younger sibling down the hall from you, and your parents still out of the house clubbing, there was only one other person you had to worry about.

Now you just had to figure out how to get to them without tipping off whoever the hell else was also in your house.

Hold on.

You never checked who exactly it was you’d been texting before.

Opening Snapchat, you simultaneously tumble as quietly as possible from your bed, only briefly getting caught up by your blanket tangling around your legs.

When you check you see that, yup, it was Amber’s account (who’s handle was now ridiculously similar to Mindy’s and was only saved on your phone in the first place because Mindy had asked you to send her one of your summer assignments from this year to copy).

Goddamnit.

“Why me?” you whisper; but truly, you should’ve made sure you were talking to the right person if you were going to start making fucking murder accusations.

This shit was on you.

Teeth grinding, you stuff your phone into the pocket of your shorts then start crawling around the floor till you can begin prying open your door. Opening it as far as you know it can go before it starts creaking then inching yourself the rest of the way into the hall.

Sure you had a problem if this wasn’t some elaborate prank — which you doubted, but the possibility was always there considering the kind of assholes you went to school with — but you couldn’t jump out of your window and just leave your sibling to die.

It’s when your mission is about halfway accomplished, and you’re nearly to your sibling's room, that you hear a creak.

You freeze alongside it. Breathing with your mouth slightly open to minimize the amount of noise you’re making.

Should you just make a run for their room? Should you duck back into yours? Should you shout their name and hope for the best?

In your periphery a flash of white streaks across the dark abyss that is the rest of your house.

Then, you’re only allowed enough time to start the beginnings of a scream before you’re being thrown into the hallway wall, cutoff exclamation choking in your throat and something blunt and heavy slamming into your forehead before you can catalog anything but the sound of fabric billowing in a rush and the feel of hands grabbing at you.

The shout you let out at the second hit is muffled by a gloved hand slapping over your mouth, the impact stinging your face and making your eyes water.

In that same motion your attacker catches you by the hip, hauling, and combined with the force they barreled into you with that’s all they need to make you trip backwards.

You slam into the wall with an ‘oof,’ but your attacker hardly pauses before using their body to flatten yours against the wall and force your wrists together in front of you.

As you’re blinking the spots from your eyes and trying to make out the person in the darkness a metallic click sounds through the air. And all you can do is flinch as two icy metal bands are cinched around your wrists in quick succession and your vision finally adjusts.

The metal locking together pinches at your skin but there’s so much else going on that you don’t even grimace, too busy trying to find your breath after the sight in front of you stole it.

A face. White, screaming in agony, and floating in the shadow like something straight out of Munch’s worst nightmares.

There’s a Ghostface mask less than a foot away from you.

Real and unavoidable and close enough for the starkness to hurt your eyes against the blanket of night all around you.

In Woodsboro it's a familiar sight, whether on the screen during local stabathons and tv edits at home or in costume shops around any one of the many killing spree anniversaries or Halloween.

Up close as it is to you in this scenario, however, it almost doesn’t feel real.

The mask is tilted in a way that feels like the person behind it is examining you; like a dissection. A hand sprouts from the darkness and shifts it back straight over the person’s face, however, and instantly your worry is no longer an assumption.

If you’d thought before that the tilt felt violating, the full force of Ghostface’s direct gaze actually on you feels heavy enough to strip flesh.

Like acid dripping past your throbbing head, over your face, and down the upper half of your body.

From how crooked the mask was you’d guess that’s what hit you, what’s caused the drowning thump thump pounding through your skull and the stinging sensation traveling across your forehead.

The freak had head butted you.

Slow as you can, you shift your head to the side — hoping there isn’t a streak of blood against the wall left in your wake — just enough to press your temple into the cool wall with a groan.

It’s then Ghostface’s head truly tilts and you get to know what the weight of their curiosity really feels like.

The movement itself is silent, but the click of a tongue and the hand that comes up to press over your forehead is not.

At the first touch of covered fingers to your dark skin your blood practically flash-freezes in your veins.

Gritting your teeth against your possible concussion you make a valiant attempt to meld into the wall, but a hand making itself remembered once more on your hip keeps you from fully running away, and the other reaching for you doesn’t relent.

“You’re so pretty like this, Y/n,” Ghostface’s modulated voice says, deep and smooth, as your assailant pushes on the sore area where you temple meets the wall until you turn to face them again; their tongue wrapping possessively around the call of your name without hesitation. “Submitting for me.”

“Jesus,” you whimper, shaking against the insistent feel of their thumb rubbing against the angry vein showing on your temple. “How do you know my—?”

“—Uh uh,” their overbearing timbre cuts in as they pull themselves closer to you, “keep asking questions like that and you’ll ruin the surprise.”

What fucking surprise? Did this asshole plan on dragging this out all night?

Could you figure a way out of this mess by then?

Biting the inside of your lip, you meet the abyss of a gaze in front of you in spite of the chill it sends down your spine. Try to think past the sensation of spiders crawling through your bloodstream that Ghostface’s generous touch elicits.

You swallow, saliva thick past the budding lump in your throat.

“Can you stop?” you force out.

The killer freezes.

You nearly pass out trying to keep yourself from recoiling or apologizing or both by holding your breath before they finally talk again.

“Why? You don’t want me to be concerned?”

Concerned?!

“I don’t,” you say, lips stiff.

What you wanted was to have this over with, not whatever twisted brand of care this Ghostface operated on.

A beat passes where you think they’ll keep pressing, maybe make a point of knocking you again, but then they…stop. Slim hands retreat from your space entirely and down to the killer’s sides.

You doubt their hands will stay still for long, though, and you haven’t thought up how you’re gonna get around them yet — call for your sibling to go get help, maybe?

You cut your eyes at the ghostly specter, at their height and intense focus on you, and remembering the speed they’d ambushed you with earlier you reconsider.

Risking your sibling’s life over a hunch that you already weren’t confident on wasn’t happening. There was no part of you that believed you’d stand a chance at overpowering this Ghostface long enough for no one but you to get hurt.

Something glints in the corner of your eye and you come out of your head with a start. There’s a knife in the killer’s hand now, twisting and twirling around deft fingers before their gaze swings back to you and the blade swings out to lazily point your way.

“Planning?”

“No.”

They laugh, likely not trusting your answer for a moment.

“Fine. Don’t tell me. We can play a game instead.” They pivot once, angling their body towards the door closest, and your heart skips a beat. “I spy with my little eye something that squeaks and creaks and leads to fresh meat.”

And just in case you managed to miss the killer’s meaning, they use the tip of their knife to point towards your sibling’s closed bedroom door twice in a motion too similar to stabbing for your liking.

“What do you think?” they ask, and take a slow deliberate step to the door right afterwards.

“Don’t!”

Lunging across the space Ghostface has made between you, you grab hold of their wrist with trembling hands and bite the proverbial bullet.

The “Please,” comes falling out your mouth like water, and only a tinge of something sour follows it.

Ghostface doesn’t do so much as twitch when they glance back at you, though, shoulders shaking under the cloak.

“‘Please’,” they repeat, roiling laughter clear even through the distortion, “but I thought you didn’t want my concern?”

“I’ll scream,” you counter, pushing past the sinking in your gut to bring your other hand up to form a double clamp around the killer.

Bottomless perpetually gaping eye cutouts stare back at glistening ebony brown eyes for one breath— four, until you yank.

There is no plan when you rush past them, just the sinking feeling that something was going to have to give soon and the knowledge that you’d be damned if it was the person in the room you're running to.

Your hand is on the doorknob, your sibling’s name on the tip of your tongue, when a sound cracks through the air. Your leg buckles, there’s a pressure at the back of your knee, the heat of another body latches onto your back, a hand claps over your mouth, and then you’re tipping over.

Ghostface brings you down with so little fanfare you’d be embarrassed if you had the wherewithal. Wrestles your flailing ass to the floor right in front of the door and keeps you down with their legs pinning your hips.

It’s not until you hit the floor that everything catches up with you.

Heat like you’ve never known screams from the bend of your knee like a piping kettle, and the wail that scratches its way up your throat when you instinctively try to get away by gaining purchase on the tile with your injured leg leaves you shaking into the floor.

With a chuckle your attacker shushes you, gloved hand made wet from your drool and tears patting against your open mouth.

“Shhh.” They shift back and you whimper at the feel of every millimeter of movement that even that small motion forces your foot to make. “You wouldn’t want your little sibling to hear, would you?”

The voice modulator makes the question sound even more taunting and the deep timber of it curls your toes — the twitch making your left leg burn — coming from so close to your ear.

Gloved fingers run along the serrated edges of the hole in your cracked knee where the knife’s still embedded, circling the pounding back of your leg until shivers rack up your body.

The touch is light.

You want to saw your leg off so you never have to deal with even the memory of the feel of it ever again.

“I’d hate to have to deal with him if he comes to investigate the strange noises, yeah?” they say, pausing right afterwards.

It’s a prompt if you’ve ever heard one. They even lift their hand from your leg.

Mind whirling with thoughts of the blood seeping out the sides of your knee to stain the floors and the agony emitting from the stab wound it takes you a few seconds to answer.

You force your words out past your shaky lips eventually, however. The stuttering agreement tasting like ash on your tongue.

“Good girl,” the modulated voice damn near coos in response, and part of you wishes you’d gotten stabbed through the ears instead.

There’s shuffling from above you, the sounds of fabric slipping over something barely registering over the rushing of blood through your ears.

You’re bleeding—

You’ve been stabbed—

Fuck, your leg is on fire—

Without an ounce of remorse deft fingers press down on where the back of your knees’ been stabbed through again, hand holding tight to the side of your leg, and a whimper falls unbidden past your lips.

Breathy, throaty, feminine laughter sounds right beside your ear as your killer settles over you.

Soft lips brush the shell of your ear and wispy black locks of hair fall into your peripheral.

“I guess it was me after all,” a voice you recognize croons, barren of any modulation.

Holy shit, Mindy had been right.

“A- Amber…?”

Your voice is small where you get it out from between pants for breath, leg throbbing hard enough to cut your focus completely.

Nothing feels real except for the throbbing, not the floor beneath you or the drool running down your chin.

“Mhm,” she giggles, breath ticking the side of your neck and making you shiver. It only takes a second for her to shiver back, breathe against your skin stuttering when she groans and presses down harder on your wound. You mewl and can feel exactly how Amber’s smile spreads. “Aww, just like that, Hun. Now we’re getting to the good part.”

Amber rises up from over you and then relentlessly grabs ahold of your shoulders and has you twist around until your upper body is facing her, and fifty percent of your concentration has to go to keeping your lower body in the opposite direction than the rest of you so you don’t aggravate your knee anymore.

Hair wild and damp with sweat atop her head the smile she gives you is all teeth in the faint moonlight that halos her face.

“Bet you’re reconsidering who you got close to now, huh?”

You grit your teeth, trying and failing to get enough leverage so you can spit in her face.

At the angle she’s forced you into her weight over your hips was more effective than you’d thought, though. Spitting from where you were would only serve in getting you smacked in the face with your own saliva.

“Gah— fuck! It’s not Mindy’s fault you’re a fucking sociopath,” you say behind clenched teeth.

You wonder if your friend would care if you died. Would Mindy cry when your death was announced? Would she immediately suspect Amber again? Confront her?

You’d been the one to comfort her when the news about Tara had come through before Chad could get to you guys. She’d struggled for a few minutes before a few tears had trickled down her cheeks, tears that she’d wiped away with a personal vengeance until you took one of her hands and wove your fingers together. Mindy had given you this wide look you’d never seen before, hazel eyes lost, before finally letting herself sob curled up to your side with her hand in yours. Did you hold that same amount of space in her mind, though?

In her heart?

Amber clicks her tongue, and instantly you’re reminded that whether Mindy and you could’ve ever been more than friends won’t matter anymore. “Wrong answer, Sweetie,” she says, and without another word rips the knife from your body in one pull.

Just barely you manage to stop the scream you want to let out by clamping down on your lower lip, teeth completely bypassing putting an indent into the skin and instead cutting directly through the plush of it as you buck uncontrollably against Amber.

Chest heaving and with tears sprouting in your eyes and beginning to pool, you watch for her next move and are heartbroken to say you aren’t disappointed.

With a flourish she brings the knife up to your face. You watch it with wide shaky eyes, heart sounding louder than your labored breaths in your ears.

The sharp side of the blade runs feather light down the side of your face, her gaze intent on it. On how the silver contrasts with the little streams of blood it leaves in its wake against your dewy brown skin. On how your lashes flutter anxiously, and the muscles in your face twitch beneath her touch.

“I didn’t mean that,” she says softly. She shifts the blade so that she can splay the flat of it over your mouth and purses her lips, eyes glittering and crazed and a little hurt. “I meant that you should’ve picked me, Sweetheart. I like you. And I like that you were thinking about me so much you figured me out. If you had just picked me I would’ve spared you,” she whispers last, face closer to yours now, before leaning in to press a kiss to the other side of the blade over your quivering lips.

The scent of your own blood makes your stomach roil, but the feel of her breath fanning your skin and the ecstatic expression that takes over her face when she leans away to lick her lips forces a sob from you.

Shuddering, you look up at her, a tear finally breaking free to roll down your face.

There is no one to hold you when you break.

Amber giggles, the flash of her teeth bloody.

“Just let me do it,” she whispers, voice low as she moves to run the warm tip of the knife down your side. “Be good for me, be mine this once, and I won’t go into that room and paint those walls red with your sibling’s blood.”

And so you cooperate; biting down into your forearm as muffled cries and wails tear up your throat. Amber plunges the blade deep, hits organs and cracks through bone with low grunts, and each stab feels like a little more of your soul drifting away.

You jolt, she adjusts her weight to accommodate your pained reaction like it’s practiced. You bite down so hard you break skin, teeth sinking into your body and feeling like masochistic relief that at least this pain was your own doing, she leans over to lick around your teeth with a groan. She gives and you take and you don’t scream out loud.

What a perfect victim you’ve made.

The tears never stop flowing from your eyes. So much salt they begin to burn alongside the bite in your arm that’s steadily mixing with blood and snot, and the entire rest of your body that’s near indistinguishable apart from the pain.

Nothing feels real except for the way Amber rides out your death spasms and the never ending stream of pleas to keep yourself silent that have long since turned into a sequenced tune in your head that you’re already forgetting.

As Amber’s honeyed taunts follow you under you know without debate that you have never known pain so intimate as what she’s brought upon you, and nothing so tender as death’s incoming embrace.

At least your younger sibling would be okay.

NOTES: Hope you enjoyed!! I tried posting this yesterday, but it wasn’t showing up under any of the tags so I’m trying again. ❤︎

I missed some shit when editing for sure, but I will come back to catch them later. I also don’t know how I feel about the way this flows, but maybe I just need to not look at it for a bit idk.

So the reader-insert may not have actually died here, but I don’t know for sure just yet. I would like for the second part to be a GF!Mindy x Reader-Insert x Jealous!Amber type deal though.

btw: if you’d like to leave a comment I’d very much appreciate it!

[penelope-is-waiting]

Hi I am Penelope Queen of Ithaca, I am still waiting on my husband @odysseus-of-ithaca-is-lost to come home. In the mean time I am dodging all of my suiters and raising our child @telemachus-of-ithaca by myself. I also love to weave, I weave all day and then undo it all at night so I can do it again tomorrow!

Likes: weaving, as well as my husband and my children.

Dislikes: Poseidon @idontloveanybodythatsmypower (he stabbed my husband!) and of course stupid suiters who think by taking over my house and being obnoxious I will forget about my husband and marry them. (Formally scylla we have learned to get along)

Kill count: you will never know stop asking

Death count: *laughs*

Husband: @odysseus-of-ithaca-is-lost

Another version of my husband: @odysseus-reigning-king-of-ithaca

Also my husband: @penelope-simp

Another: @odysseus-of-ithaka

A siren version: @just-a-mer

My son: @telemachus-of-ithaca

Another version of my son: @young-telemachus

Yet another version of my son: @the-prince-telemachus

And another version of my son: @telemachus-is-lost

And another: @taken-by-the-seas

More: @another-telemachus-wont-hurt

And finally, the other version of my son: @telemy

Another of my son: @ithacas-prince

Another Tele: @telemachus-of-ithika

My daughter: @reigningprincesstofithaca

My other son that is not Telemachus: @ceixion-of-ithaca

Adopted kids: @unhinged-as-hell @daonedaonlyskh @little-starshark-with-wings @vicious-daughter-of-zeus @clown-energy-skyrocketing @chaotic-child-of-apollo @garmadon1616 @a-princess-of-ancient-greece @yourfavoriteearthshaker @aris-not-ares @the-hyacinth-whisperer

I wish he was my kid: @thefallenwaxwinged (ooc: he totally is at this point)

The girl living with us I am trying to adopt: @when-fate-is-mistaken

My dog: @argosfrfr

Another dog of mine: @argossisterfrfr

Friends: @heraaaaaaaa (Formally enemies)

My daughter in law: @nausicaa-of-phaeacia

Young version of my daughter in law: @the-princess-nausicaa

Another version of my daughter in law: @phaecianprincess

Gardener: @paris-you-idiot

Most annoying person I know: @sillypuppetmeister

He will not leave my house either but is not as annoying: @the-only-decent-suitor-here (apparently he is also my son now? But not in the will)

The guy who kept my husband away at sea for a decade and I will never forgive: @that-little-fucking-shit

My husband's friend who is really cool, actually: @diomedes-of-argos

For anyone who wants me and my husband @odysseus-of-ithaca-is-lost to adopt them

And of course, here is our family portrait @little-starshark-with-wings drew!

RP blog for the odyssey/epic the musical (although it branches into percy jackson territory occasionally depending on what blog I'm interacting with)

In character post will be colored like this

"If Ares is talking it will look like this"

Don't be weird please (and no nsfw) and don't be mad if I do not present penelope the way you want this is supposed to be fun so let's keep it that way

I do not interact with blogs based around biblical characters as I am a Christian, and it just makes me uncomfortable

(Penelope will not have any romantic feelings for anyone other than Odysseus on this blog warning)

And of course don't take anything I say in character to heart I don't want to offend anyone if I come across as rude I'm so sorry I don't mean to

Also, warning things can be very violent on this blog I usually try to tag, but I may miss some.

And of course feel free to tag me and send ask! Your not being obnoxious I'd love to be tagged or receive a ask that's what I made this account for was for all yall to have fun and interact!

Also I'm the admin of the ooc discord server and community for greek mythos rps here on tumblr if you run a rp blog here on tumblr for greek myths send me a dm and I'd be happy to invite you to join!

[propertyofyoutube]

I thought we were ghost hunting? - EXPLICIT

Summary: You are a content creator and are also a huge fan of Sam and Colby. You finally got that DM to collab with your favourite duo. Colby had been your 'celebrity crush' for a long time now. But little did you know, he was also a huge fan of you...

WARNINGS: SMUT 18+, FILTH, unprotected sex, oral, fingering, biting, kind of public sex (at haunted location)

——————————————————————————————————————————————————

"I swear you better not be weird!" You said to your best friend as you began driving to the Winchester Mystery House for your collab with Sam and Colby.

Y/b/f/n looked at you with her mouth wide open, trying her best to fight a smile, "what? Why would I be weird?" She said with a smirk.

You quickly glanced at her before rolling your eyes looking back to the road, "dude... I swear to god-"

"Now why on earth, would I... your best friend, do anything weird or embarrassing to you, in front of the guy who is at the top of your 'would sit on his face' list?" She chuckled to herself as your heart pounded, as deep down, you truly didn't know if she would or not.

You stayed quiet for a moment before she spoke again, "y/n, chill. I swear on my life I would never do that. I will only say something, if you..." she pointed at you as she spoke seriously, "don't!"

You rolled your eyes as you let out a sigh, "no girl... it's Colby fucking Brock." You couldn't help but let out a laugh, "every single woman wants a piece of him, I am not going to embarrass myself, I've got more respect for myself than that," you giggle.

You looked over at y/b/f/n as she looked annoyed as she spoke, "well clearly not enough respect!" You frowned at her, "y/n, you are hot! And if Colby fucking Brock doesn't see that, then he's a fool!"

You smiled at her as you shook your head, "you have to say that! You're my best friend!"

"No, I'm your best friend so I would tell you if I truly thought you'd embarrass yourself. Rizz yourself up girl!" She laughed as you rolled your eyes again chuckling as you knew full well you definitely would not be trying anything on with him.

<<<Meanwhile>>>

Sam glanced at Colby as he fixed his hair for the 10th time in the passenger seat mirror. "Dude... your hair looks fine!" He laughed as Colby continued to move the pieces of dark hair around his face.

"Are you sure?" Colby asked not taking his eyes off himself.

Sam looked at him again even more confused, "dude, yes." Sam watched as Colby continued to fumble with his appearance, and it was almost as though he looked nervous. "What is going on with you?" Sam asked bluntly.

Colby shut the mirror as he cleared his throat, "nothing... I just wanna look good." He said, he looking at Sam.

Sam quickly realised what was going on as he recalled how many times over the last year Colby has talked about y/n and what your latest videos were. "Ohh... I see what's going on here." Sam smirked as Colby snapped his attention to him looking confused.

"What?" Colby responded very quickly.

"It's because of y/n, isn't it?" Sam couldn't help but smile as he spoke.

Colby started huffing and shaking his head trying to come up with something, "dude- no. I always want to look good."

"But this time it's different and you know it," Sam chuckled as it was very rare Colby would be so nervous to meet anyone, or crumble this much over a girl. Colby didn't say anything as he reopened the mirror one last time and Sam let you a much harder laugh, "dude, just talk to her! Ask her out!"

Colby shook his head, "no dude, I heard that she and Zach may be dating." Colby said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Oh... as in Zach justice?" Sam said as he tried to think.

"Uh huh..." Colby nodded.

"Oh..." Sam continued to ponder his thoughts as Colby gazed out the window. "You know... could just be a rumour..." Sam said smiling again.

Colby rolled his eyes believing that y/n was off limits.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

As you pulled up the Winchester Mystery House you could feel your body become overrun with chills, your heart pounding harder than ever before. You couldn't really tell if it was because of the house or because of the fact you were about to meet Colby for the first time.

"There they are, pull up over there!" Y/b/f/n said as you looked forward and seen Sam organising things in the trunk of his car. He slowly turned around to see you guys pulling up as he lifted up his hand waving with a smile spread across his face.

You pulled up next to Sam's car, as you turned the ignition off you took a deep breath. Y/b/f/n wasted no time, jumping out of the car excitedly running around to your side of the car to hug Sam. You grabbed your phone and held your keys tightly before taking another deep inhale of oxygen, gripping the handle and stepping out of the car.

"Y/n, hey!" Sam said as he walked to you, embracing you instantly.

"Heyy!" You smiled widely, as you hugged one of your idols. "I can't believe you invited us here." You laughed as Sam pulled away.

"Wait why?" Sam asked looking at her confused.

You thought for a moment, trying to think of what to say that doesn't make you sound like a psycho fan, "I've just been a fan for so long, it's crazy!" You decided an overbearing of confidence and making inappropriate jokes whilst you're nervous is the best option. As always. "You know, that you'd want us in a video... for the comedic relief right?" You chuckled awkwardly, 'why the hell would you say that? You sound so awkward you idiot' you thought to yourself.

Sam smiled wider as he started to laugh, "and I guess we picked the right ones!"

"I am so sorry," you said feeling embarrassed which you promised yourself you wouldn't do. "I promise I'll try not to make too bad of jokes whilst we're filming..." you look down at the floor nervously.

"Oh no please do!" Sam laughed as your eyes shot up at him confused, "that's why we love you and your channel!" You froze for a moment, 'did Sam Golbach really just say he loved my channel? And me?' You thought to yourself. But him saying that actually gave you the slight real confidence boost you needed.

"Well then, I promise to tell all the shitty and highly inappropriate jokes the entire night... between me crying and hiding in a corner of course" you smirked at Sam.

Sam nodded his head, very excited for the night ahead, "that's what I'm talking about it!" He laughed. Suddenly in the distance you hear Colby talking with the tour guide and your heart skipped a beat to the sound of his voice. "Yo Colby!" Sam shouted, catching you off guard as you turned your head to the floor nervously, "come here! They've arrived!"

The next few moments of your life felt like a slow motion scene in a movie, you could feel your heart beat as you looked down at the floor. You prayed that this went well, and that you didn't embarrass yourself or do something stupid.

As Colby moved around the car, his heart too was beating out of his chest, he'd wanted to meet you for so long. But he couldn't help but feel a slight hint of jealousy, that if the rumours were true and you were dating Zach, he was mad he didn't get to meet you first. Colbys eyes locked on y/b/f/n as you were still hidden by Sam, "yo what's up!" He said to her.

Y/b/f/n replied, "sup Colby," just as he took another two steps forward.

His eyes wandered across, your eyes looked up until... boom. There he was. In the flesh. 'Holy fuck, he's even hotter in person' you thought to yourself as you swallowed hard. Colby could feel his palms become sweaty as his eyes stayed tightly connected to yours, he couldn't help but smile, the most cute and almost nervous smile.

"Hi." He said softly.

"Hi." You said back, trying so hard not to make it obvious that your whole body was shaking and your heart was racing.

Colby had a mini battle with himself in his head, 'hi? Seriously? You couldn't have say anything better than fucking hi?' But when you said it and smiled back at him, that face of yours completely took over her entire thoughts.

You both froze, still staring not realising just how long for. Sam looked at y/b/f/n as they both looked between you two, feeling like they were stuck in the middle of something here. Sam smirked as your best friend also did the same. "Well, I think we should get this show on the road!"

The sound of his voice completely pulled you out of your trance as you quickly realised you were staring, and now Colby Brock was going to think you were weird... you got to fix this, and fast. "I mean... we could just stand here staring at each other for a bit longer?" You said to Sam as you glanced at Colby with a smirk. Colby shook his head as an uncontrollable smile appeared on his face, "it's either that... or demons?" Everyone laughed as Colby lifted his head to look at you once again.

"Hey, I'd much rather look at you than talk to any ghosts." Colby's heart raced as he took his shot at an attempt of flirting. He's never felt so off his game before, 'why did this girl have so much of an effect on him', he thought.

"Well then, good job I'm right here Brock, I can distract you all you want!" As the words left your mouth you felt your stomach drop. 'Oh my god. Did I really just say that? Was Colby just trying to flirt with me then?' You felt your body relax slightly, as this was the icebreaker you needed, even it was just banter, you believed.

"Well alright then, I feel like I'm in of a good night already," Colby said as he smiled at you.

Your mind raced as you couldn't comprehend what was happening, you wanted to believe so badly that he might actually be interested in you, but you and your insecure mind just wouldn't allow it. "Right then Sam, get that camera out, cause I have been waiting years to see this intro live and in person!" You giggled as Sam and Colby laughed.

"Seriously? Years?" Colby said with a smirk, deep down he actually couldn't believe that you were a fan of theirs.

"Oh yeah! Actually can I please do it?" You said, joking at first but lowkey would be totally down to do it.

Sam looked at Colby as he just started recording, Colby held up his hands as his cheeks grew red, "if you do a better job than me, Sam you can't replace me with y/n..." he chuckled as Sam made no promises.

"Get over here!" Sam laughed as you handed your phone and keys to y/b/f/n. You quickly headed next to him as Colby stood back, giving you room.

"Sorry Brock, I think your job is mine now," you smirked at him.

Colby tucked his bottom lip between his lips as he looked at you, still in amazement that you so beautiful to him, "if it means I get to see you all the time, then the jobs yours."

You felt your cheeks flush as Sam looked at you both, trying to mask his smile. "You ready?" He said to you as he held up his hand, the lens pointing at you both.

You nodded, "oh Sam, I was born ready!" You said as everyone laughed.

"Perfect!" Sam chuckled as he counted you in, "3, 2, 1..."

"What's up guys it's Sam and y/n!" You said mimicking Colby almost perfectly. He watched in amazement at your confidence and your playful personality. He thought to himself, he was right. You were everything he had dreamed of you being in real life, and he felt this warmth inside of him become more intense with each second you spent near him. Each smile you gave him sending him spiralling.

"Woahhhh!" Sam shouted, "dude! You have been replaced!" Sam laughed as Colby jumped into frame.

"Yoooo, that is fair enough, you smashed it!" Colby laughed as he held up his hand and you connected your palms in a strong high five, as both of your hands tingled from the connection.

"Hey you can't leave me on our channel alone!" Y/b/f/n shouted as she also jumped behind you all.

You laughed as you hugged her and looked back at Colby, "you know what Brock, even though I do you better than you do you, my heart belongs to another..." you said.

"Ouch" Colby joked as he held his hand on his heart, but as you said that his mind instantly went to the possibility that you and Zach are dating, and he kinda felt his heart actually twinge.

"Another channel I mean of course!" You smirk as him as he beamed at you once again, 'where has this confidence come from?' You thought to yourself. "But I think you should show us all how it's done..." you said, as you tucked your bottom lip between your teeth.

Colby nodded confidently as he prepared himself, he and Sam stood side by side as Colby left a gap revealing you and y/b/f/n in between the two of them. He took a deep breath, "what's up guys it's Sam and Colby!" He blurted out as you and your best friend cheered him on.

"And today, we are joined with y/n and y/b/f/n, at... the Winchester Mystery House..." Sam said speaking with dramatic effect in his voice.

"Ooooo" the rest of you giggled.

"Are you guys ready?" Colby said turning to face you both.

Y/b/f/n looked at you as she smiled but you could see the nervousness in her eyes, "I mean... who's ever ready for demons?" She said with a chuckle.

"If the demon is a toxic bad boy and possibly looks like Jensen Ackles... then I am so fucking ready!" You say, joking but lowkey serious as y/b/f/n laughed, knowing you probably were being serious.

"Jensen Ackles... nice choice!" Colby said laughed. You nodded at him slowly as you pulled a face at the camera.

Suddenly you gasped, "Or Rudy Pankow!" You said as everyone started laughing again.

"Well, I think y/n is after a ghost boyfriend..." Sam said with a chuckle, "let's go play match maker!"

You nodded at the camera as Colby turned and looked into your eyes as you felt yourself melt once again in his gaze. 'Well, I'd rather a living, emo, hot AF boyfriend...' you thought to yourself, as the video began.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

It has been roughly 3 hours since you started filming. The content you guys were creating as a team was both hilarious and super spooky. The evidence captured made your beliefs change with every beep and every knock. But most importantly, the banter between you and Colby as making you feel things throughout your entire body. Realistically, Colby was trying his hardest to show you how interested in you he was, how nervous you made him and how badly he wanted you. But your mind refused to acknowledge the fact that, that was even a possibility.

"I think we should take a quick food and drink break," Sam said, as he shut off the camera and Colby grabbed the music box, switching it off.

You and y/b/f/n both nodded slowly as you tried to comprehend everything that had just happened.

"Are you guys okay?" Colby asked but he couldn't help chuckling.

"I will be... once I've had an exorcism!" You say laughing, "and some nicotine... I gotta go vape!" You seriously as you headed out of the room to follow Sam outside.

You sat down alone on some steps, eating some snacks that the boys brought for you, puffing in your vape after each bite. As Sam and y/b/f/n sat in the trunk of the car chatting about all things ghosts.

You looked up to see Colby heading toward you with two cans of pop in his hands. After the night you guys have had, you felt a lot more comfortable in their presence now. Which to you felt amazing considering you wanted to know who they truly were and not just who you saw on your screen for the longest time. And they did not disappoint. As cliche as it sounds it was almost as though you guys were all meant to be friends. The further into the night you travelled, the more it felt like you'd all been friends for years. It felt like you all were so vulnerable around each other and it felt so natural to be so open.

"Here you go," Colby said with a smile as he held out your drink. You looked up taking the drink from his hand as you blew out your vape with a smile in return.

"Thank you very much," you said, you were starting to get tired and your experiences tonight so far had your head spinning in circles.

Colby looked at you, as he could tell that there was a million thoughts running behind your eyes. "You okay?" He asked softly.

You turned to look at him again as he sat down beside you on the steps, "yeah! This night has been... honestly one of the best experiences of my life." You said with a genuine smile.

Colby beamed back at you, he genuinely cared if you were okay or not, and if you were happy with how the video was going. You both sat in silence after a small talk chit chat, until Colby cleared his throat, looking out straight ahead at the grounds, "hey... can I- uh- ask you something?" He still didn't turn to look at you as you could see the nervousness on his voice and how his hand fiddled with the bracelet on his opposite wrist.

"Yeah of course," you said giving him your full attention.

Colby took a deep breath, "this may be a little too personal or what, and feel free to just tell me to fu-"

You cut him off laughing, "Brock just ask the damn question!"

Colby hung his head laughing for a moment before finally looking up and turning to face you, "are you... and Zach, uh-"

"Are Zach and I dating?" You said with a giggle, knowing the rumours and edits that have spread across TikTok since you were on Dropouts a few months ago.

Colby nodded reluctantly it seemed like he felt embarrassed for asking.

"No... we're really not," you said as you laughed again. "TikTok man... it even makes me believe things about my life sometimes!" You laughed thinking of all the rumours, especially about your love life, that had spread over the years.

Colby nodded slowly as a smirk slowly started appearing on his face. You looked at him confused as you could feel your body start to heat up, the way he was looking at you made your stomach flip but your core ache. "What?" You said with a slight giggle. Your heart began to race as by the look on his face you weren't quite sure where he was going with his.

Colby looked at you deep in your eyes as he continued to smile, "I was really nervous to meet you today..." he said honestly as he chuckled hanging his head back down to the floor.

Your defence mechanism kicked in as your mouth ran away with your tongue, afraid you'd say something to mess this up, "you were?" You said softly, "why? Scared I was going to steal your job?" You said with a smirk.

Colby just loved how in every situation you always managed to make him laugh, that's why he loved your videos so much. He loved to watch how you nervously joke your way out of any situation, how you refused to let your friends feel down and would everything in your power to cheer them up, but mostly, how your heart was everyone else, saving you for last. He always watched you on his screen, putting every single person, 10 steps in front of you, and he wished he could be the one to put your heart first. So that you could continue to be this gorgeous, bad bitch, kind sweetheart that you were known for. He took a deep breath before speaking, "honestly, this video has been the most enjoyable I've ever filmed so far." He glanced at you nodding.

"Well of course it is!" You laugh jokingly, "it's because I'm here, Sam just knew I'd be a better co host for the Sam and Colby channel..." you made it as obvious as possible that what you said was a joke as Colby thankfully laughed shaking his head.

"You're so humble" Colby joked sarcastically as you let out a giggle. "But You're right, I think Sam has taken a liking to you, looks like I'm on the outs," Colby joked as he chuckled. He leaned back smirking at you.

You dramatically sighed as you leaned back too, "well unfortunately for Sam, I'm not into blondes..." you joked back, trying to hold in a laugh.

Colby watched how the moonlight was perfectly giving your skin a shimmery glaze. He tucked his bottom lip between his teeth, as this was all fun and games so far, but as the night went on he wanted nothing more than to hold you, kiss you and have all of you to himself. "Oh really?" He leaned over towards you slightly, as he looked at your face, your eyes bouncing from one star to the other. "Then what are you into?"

He watched as you fumbled through your thoughts trying to decide whether you should be honest and risk it all, or make another joke to help you escape hope building conversation. You decided that you'd rather the former, "I'm more into..." you turned your head to face him as his face was so close to yours you could almost feel his breath. You watched as his eyes darted across all your features. "Dark haired, emo boys who hunt ghosts for a living." You tucked your lip between your teeth as your anxiety began to flood your entire body, did you really just say that? You began spiralling thinking Colby was about to awkwardly let you down gently, you didn't take in all the signs he'd been sending you all night, all because your brain just refused to acknowledge the fact that Colby absolutely could be into you.

"Well that's good." Colby said as his eyes looked from your eyes to your lips, catching you off guard.

'Wait... what the fuck did he just say?' You thought to yourself.

"Because..." Colby began to lean in closer to you, slowly as he spoke, "I'm into, humble girls who make jokes when they're uncomfortable and collab with ghost hunters for a living..."

As he was just inches from your face, at first you felt terrified but finally, now that he said it, there's no way you could talk yourself out of knowing that Colby does in fact like you like that. You looked at his lips as suddenly, all of your nervousness and anxiety melted away. You needed his lips on yours and you felt as though, no matter what you say right now, he isn't going to turn away. So... your sassiness finally broke through, "oh really?" You say biting your lip gently, "do you really think you could handle me, Brock?"

Colby was completely taken aback as those words left those beautiful lips of yours. He felt his stomach flip as his breath became hitched. You watched as his chest began to rise and fall much faster as you inched closer. You kind of like how much of an effect you had on this man, the man you believed would never look at you in that way. A smirk began to grown on both of your faces simultaneously as Colby finally spoke out in a whisper, "fuck yeah."

You smiled wide and leaned in, you were just about to close gap between you, when suddenly, "yo guys," Sam shouted as you both froze and snapped your attention towards the car. You both exhaled sharply as Sam appeared from around the car, "you ready to film the final investigation?" As y/b/f/n and Sam got closer, you and Colby both began to laugh as you tried to catch your breath. You had never felt so mad at your best friend before but you knew the didn't mean it.

"Yeah..." Colby said reluctantly as in reality his entire body needed to finish what you guys just started, he would love to just fuck the entire video off and take you back to the hotel and give you both the night of your lives. "We're ready." He said as he looked over at you watching as you messed with your hair and how tightly your bottom lip was tucked inside those teeth. He smirked, watching as you try to cool yourself down.

"Great!" Sam said, trying to ignore the fact he definitely just interrupted something here. "So what's the plan... we splitting up?"

Just then, Colby had a bright idea, "yeah, I think we should split into two groups. Y/n and I will go to one end of the house and you two can go to the other and we'll see who can get to the witches room in the attic." Colby gave Sam a look, and it wasn't long before Sam realised what he was trying to do.

Sam smirked subtly as he spoke, "sounds good to me!" He handed Colby a camera. "You guys start in the west and we'll go to the east. And take the Alice box." He said as he handed Colby a piece of ghost equipment.

You couldn't really take in what they were saying... all you could think about was that moment that almost was everything you'd dreamed about for the longest time. And how the feeling of needing him, just wouldn't go away, your body aching for that kiss and desperate to feel more.

"Y/n?" Sam said, snapping your attention back to the world.

"Yeah?" You said, clearly showing your mind was elsewhere during that conversation. Colby couldn't help but let out a small chuckle, knowing he probably thad you imagining the things you wanted him to do to you. And he wanted to do everything that you wanted... and so much more.

"You ready?" Y/b/f/n chuckled as she saw the look on your face. She knew that face anywhere.

You quickly jumped up trying to shake the feeling, "absolutely!" You paused for a moment thinking, as everyone watched you trying not to laugh, "wait... what are we doing again?" Everyone laughed at your obliviousness.

"You and I are going this way and we're going to meet them two in the witches attic," Colby said as he grabbed ahold of your arm pulling you in the direction. You turned to y/b/f/n as she gave you a look indicating she knew something was going to happen between us.

Sam quickly shouted as you walked away, "uh... don't get lost or distracted guys! This place is scary enough!" Colby quickly turned back to look at Sam.

"We won't!" He shouted as he winked. Sam chuckled as he rolled his eyes sighing.

"Come on," he said to y/b/f/n, "we better get this done!" Sam laughed as he and y/b/f/n walked back inside the house.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"So..." Colby said, as he held up the camera that was shooting in night vision. You walked slowly beside him in the pitch black home. Weirdly, your mind wasn't worrying about the fact you were supposedly surrounded by hundreds of spirits, it was more thinking about Colby. How badly you wanted him and that moment you almost had outside. How badly you wanted to have his hands feel every inch of your body. You thought about how you wanted to climb on top of him and show him, exactly what you're capable of. You felt yourself in a daydream, imagining the feeling of his lips on your, on your neck... on your chest... on your-

"Y/n?" Colbys voice caught your attention instantly as you quickly turned your head towards him,

"Yeah?" You felt that awkwardness return as if he could have seen what you were imagining, even though that's impossible.

Colby couldn't help but smirk at you as he could see you trying to hide your feelings, "you uh..." he bit his lip glancing at you through the tiniest amount of light coming from the camera screen. "You zoned out a little there," he said teasingly.

You chuckled as you tried to play it off as cool as possible, "I was just taking myself off to a better place other than this haunted ass house."

Colby shook his head as he laughed, suddenly there was a noise, "shh." He spoke quickly as he held an arm across you to stop you from going forward. You reached up and grabbed his arm as for a moment there was a little bit of fear and adrenaline began to run through your body. After a moment of waiting there were no more noises, Colby looked at you and giggled as he noticed the grip you had on his arm. "So tell me..." he continued walking as you quickly let go. "Where was this better place?"

You rolled your eyes fighting a smirk as you knew exactly what he was doing. He had an idea of what you were thinking about, because he was thinking about it too. "If I told you Brock, then there would be no mystery would there," you smirked as you continued, "and we are in the Winchester mystery house after all..."

Colby suddenly stepped in front of you, stopping you in your tracks as he looked down at you, "so, it didn't have anything to do with me..." he stepped closer walking you backwards slightly, "and you?" Your breath suddenly got stuck in your throat as you swallowed hard, your body beginning to quiver as his voice had changed to a seductive tone. You tried to speak but it was like your words were failing you, all you could think about was how close he was getting and how badly you needed him, and needed him now. You suddenly hit a wall behind you as Colby stopped, inches from your body, he lifted up one arm and place it against the wall near your head as he leaned in closer and whispered, "do you want to know what I was thinking about?" You could hear his voice shaking.

"Enlighten me," you whispered back as you bit your lip trying to keep yourself as contained as possible.

Colby lifted up his other arm that was holding the camera and he stopped the recording before putting it down on a cupboard. Your heart began racing as his eyes quickly connected back with your gaze, your body filled with anticipation and your adrenaline was peaking higher than ever before. "I was imagining, exactly what it would feel like, to kiss you..." he said leaning closer, you wanted to move, but you were frozen as he continued, "to touch you..." he began to trace his fingers along your arm, from your wrist to your elbow, up and down, your whole body electrifying with goosebumps, "to fuck you..." he leaned in as he whispered his lips just inches from yours, you could feel his breath against your mouth, your body dying to close the gap.

"Funny you say that..." you finally managed to whisper back seductively, "because I was thinking about how I would you to my hotel room..." you felt Colby take a deep breath as his body responded to your words with such desperation, "and I'd find out..." you looked into his eyes as they turned black, you could see exactly what you were doing to him, how close you were to practically making him beg. You lifted your arms to his waist grabbing ahold of his t-shirt on either side and pulled his body closer to yours. You quickly felt his hard bulge press against your body causing your heat to twitch. You whispered as he breathed deeply, "exactly, how you tasted..." you licked your bottom lip before tucking it between your teeth.

"Fuck..." Colby breathed out, he'd never had a woman have the must of an affect on him in his life. "I think we might just have to find out for real sooner, rather than later," he spoke as he lifted his arm up and cupped your cheek gently, his touch making you quiver. His nose touched yours as his lips grazed you teasingly.

"I thought we were ghost hunting?" You whispered out as a smirk began to appear on both of your faces.

There a moment, a small pause until. "Fuck it." Colby said as he smashed his lips onto yours. It was instantly deep and passionate. His lips on yours felt like perfection, it strangely didn't feel like a first kiss, it felt as though his was your 1 millionth. It was natural like it was almost meant to be like this. Colby's hands began moving up and down your body as you pushed your bodies closer. Your arms wrapping around his neck as your hands ran through his hair. You tugged slightly earning a low groan escaping Colby's lips into your mouth. The vibrations making you ache even more.

"Sam is gonna kill us," you whispered out breathlessly, careful not to break the kiss. Colby chuckled as you both refused to come up for air.

Suddenly he pulled back and looked around, both of your eyes now adjusting to the darkness. To your absolute luck, it seems he pushed you against the wall right next to a closet. "Fuck Sam." Colby smirked.

"I'd rather fuck you. Right now." You said extremely confidently, all of your nervousness and anxiety was far gone by this point.

"Fuck please do," Colby gasped as he looked down at you. He quickly grabbed your hands pulling you with him, "come on, there won't be any cameras in here." You both laughed as he tugged you into the tiny room filled with cleaning supplies. He closed the door behind you before pushing you back up against it. His lips instantly reconnecting with yours as he grabbed your hands, hoisting them over your head against the door. The kiss was like something you'd never experienced before, you could feel your body starting to beg for more. His hands found their way down your body and then up under your shirt as he felt your waist, pulling you closer to him. His lips left yours as his kissed down your jaw and onto your neck, sucking and biting in the most amazing places, sending your hormones into overdrive.

"Fuck Colby." You whispered out as you tried to hold in a moan. The sound of you moaning his name caused Colby to snap his head back to face you, as you could see the hunger in his eyes and he scrambled to undo your jeans. He pulled them down to your knees before reconnecting your lips again. He suddenly cupped his hand on your sex as you gasped, "fuck."

"Fuck baby, you're soaked for me already," Colby smirked as he began to move his hand along you over your underwear.

You couldn't fight it anymore, you needed him to touch you, you needed to feel him, "Colby... please..." you reluctantly begged.

Colby was taken back by your eagerness for him, "please what, baby?" He teased.

"Please just touch me already!" You shouted a little louder.

"Shhh baby," Colby whispered directly into your ear as you began to grind against his hand, "we don't wanna get caught so you have to promise me, if I do this, you'll be quiet."

"I will! I promise!" You said quickly, your breath restricting your ability to speak properly.

"That's my girl." Colby's voice was dominant and it made your heat pulsate, as he suddenly moved your underwear to one side, wasting no time and rubbing your clit instantly.

"Shit!" You moaned out as you pushed your mouth against Colby's shoulder to muffle your sounds. Colby kissed your neck intensely as he suddenly lifted down with his other hand and hoisted your leg up to rest of his hip, giving himself more access. Once he had more room, he quickly stuck two fingers up into your core as you moaned into his shoulder, biting him slightly to try and hide those sweet sounds of pleasure.

Colby groaned into your neck as your teeth sunk into him slightly. "Oh fuck..." he breathed out onto your neck.

He began thrusting his fingers, in and out picking up his pace quickly, curling them up and hitting your g-stop every time. You felt that familiar build up in your stomach as your climax was quickly approaching. "Don't stop." You gasped as he quickened his speed, pushing his fingers even deeper.

Colby could feel your walls clench around his fingers as he became excited to finally be inside you. "That's it baby, cum for me..."

That was all you needed to hear as your body exploded into ecstasy, your body overrun with pleasure. "Fuck!" You moaned loudly muffled by Colby's shoulder, as your teeth bite slightly harder.

Colby slowly pulled out his fingers slowly as he moved to look at you as you caught your breath, you watched as he placed his fingers between his lips and sucked them clean before he spoke, "fuck baby, I didn't think I could enjoy someone biting me so much in life." He quickly leaned in reconnecting your lips as the kiss once again was hot and passionate. You needed more, you needed him to feel as good as you did right now. You fumbled with his belt and you managed to get it undone, your lips pressed together as his tongue covered in your taste, explored your mouth. He pulled away just for second as he pulled down his leather pants, allowing them to fall to the floor as he moved his hands to grip the back of your knees. "Jump." He demanded, his voice lustful and seductive in every way.

You quickly jumped up wrapping your legs around his waist, doing as he told without question. You felt his hard cock already teasing your entrance as you whimpered for more. Colby grabbed his dick rubbing his tip along your soaked core as you let out moans and gasps. He held you up with ease as he slowly began to enter you, both of you moaning simultaneously. "Fuck... you're so tight." He groaned deeply sending shivers down your spine.

He quickly began to pull himself out and pushed himself back in deeper as you called out. He quickly connected your lips to swallow your moans. As he began to thrust in and out he didn't waste no time or show no mercy. He'd been wanting this all night and you could tell just how worth jeopardising the video, it really was to him. You both moaned out as that knot in your stomach quickly returned with each of his pushes. "Fuck.. Colby I'm- I'm gonna-" you could barely get any words out as you mumbled against his lips.

"Do it baby, let it go." His voice had a hold on you that you couldn't explain. Almost as though his demands had a magical control over your body. Your second orgasm hit, feeling even better than the last, your head becoming woozy as he picked up his pace, fucking you harder and faster as you grabbed the back of his head, tugging on his hair. "Fuck y/n... I'm gonna cum." He said honestly as you could feel him begin to twitch. "Where do you want me?" He asked.

You pulled away from his lips as you looked at him in the eyes, his thrusts powerful, "I told you... I want to taste you." You stuttered between moans.

A smile grew on Colby's face as he bit his lip, you were doing something to him that he had never felt before, "fuck yeah." He said as he suddenly slipped out of you, dropping your legs as you landed on your feet.

You wasted no time and slid your back down the door until you came face to face with his now throbbing cock. Colby gripped himself as he began to stroke, looking down at your beautiful face, using his other hand to cup your cheek as his thumb ran along your bottom lip. You parted your lips as he positioned himself and you quickly took as much as you could of him into your mouth as he moaned out louder himself this time, throwing his head back in pleasure. "Fuck y/n, just like that." You bobbed your head, taking the rest of him in your hand. Suddenly he looked down at you, "fuck... I'm cummin." Suddenly his groans were deeper and raspier as he watched your mouth surround his cock. You felt him twitch inside you, as it was quickly followed by his hot cum hitting the back of your throat. "Fuckkk..." he moaned as you slowly slid your head back off him, careful not to spill a drop. Colby looked down at you absolutely mesmerised by your beauty, as you showed him his cum sitting in the back on your throat. "Oh shit," he gasped as you smirked before swallowing every last drop. Colby reached down and tucked his hand around the side of your head, gesturing for you to stand up. As you rose to your feet he instantly kissed you. Only this time it must softer as you both caught your breath. "You... are incredible." He whispered as he pressed his forehead against yours.

You couldn't but smile as your breath slowly began to settle as did your heart rate, "right back at you, Brock."

You both chuckled as he kissed you sweetly one more time. "We better actually go and find this room..." Colby said with a slightly giggle.

You both bent down and grabbed your pants as you pulled them back up. "Y/b/f/n and Sam are going to kill us." You laughed as Colby done up his belt.

When you both finished he moved closer to you once again, as he lifted both his arms moving your hair to behind your shoulders as he cupped both sides of your face with his hands, "promise me, we can do that again." Colby said with a smile as he bit his lip.

"Fuck yeah.. maybe not in a janitors closet next time?" You laughed as you glanced around. Colby chuckled before kissing you one last time.

"Come on," he took your hand as you opened the door, grabbing the camera and continuing your mission.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Well well well..." Sam said as he and y/b/f/n sat on the floor in the witches attic. They both looked up at you and Colby, standing there, hand in hand. Y/b/f/n looked at you with the biggest smile, trying not to laugh. As Sam raised his eyes brows at you both, also his hardest not to laugh, "nice of you to join us..."

"I'm so sorry, we got lost-" you said as Colby squeezed your hand tighter, trying not to laugh.

Sam stood up looking at you both with squinted eyes. "Hmmm, lost my ass" he said as he looked at your hands holding tightly together.

Colby laughed finally, "yeah dude, we got lost..." you hid your face behind Colby's shoulder as you felt your cheeks burning up. "You may want me to edit this part though..." Colby said with a smirk.

Both Sam and y/b/f/n mouths dropped wide open, "I'm not even going to ask..." Sam said with a laugh.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————

AUTHORS NOTE: hey guys, I hope you liked this! Let me know if there's anything you'd want to see! X

Wattpad: is propertyofyoutube

[faiell]

yapping about fics and commenting

sorry to yap but work is boring today and tumblr isn't blocked on my work computer LOL

ok it's abt that post where the writer friend stopped writing because they weren't getting the comments/kudos they wanted.

i'm like. an overeager fandom person. like i cannot get into a fandom without wanting to meet new people and make friends. i love yapping about whatever silly gay idiots i'm hyperfixating over. i'm all about community, and sharing the joy of fandom, and all that fun positive stuff.

i don't post my art for stats but like. that means nothing coming from me tbh. i get stats. i can't accurately predict what would happen if i stopped getting notes on my art, but i would probably keep drawing and keep posting, just maybe less confidently, and less often. i recognize that stats make it much easier and while it’s not my primary motivation, it definitely motivates me to keep posting.

and yet. for years, i never commented on fic. i think i left kudos? and i saw posts like this all the time about how writers were so sad they didn't get comments. and i would feel super guilty about it all the time. but i still wouldn't do it! it sounds stupid, but i would feel pressured. if i liked a fic a lot, it felt even more difficult to comment, because i thought i would have to somehow give back to the author everything that fic gave to me. i wanted to craft the perfect comment that could perfectly encapsulate everything a fic made me feel. and that was way too much pressure so i would just not say anything.

when i got into drarry, i started reading a shit ton of fic. and i still wouldn't comment. i left maybe... 2 or 3 comments, maybe, i think. i can't remember. but i had a lot to say and i WANTED the writers to hear that i had read it and liked it. i just... didn't comment! u know what i did instead? i just fucking straight up DM'd writers on discord and started gushing to them that i liked their fic. somehow i was confident enough to do that, but writing a comment still felt like too much pressure. ?? i don't understand it either, but in my head it felt like a writing assignment, but when I was in DMs it felt more like a conversation and so there wasn't any pressure to make it "good"? idk!! it's very weird.

then i wrote and posted my first complete fic. just a oneshot, nothing special, and i was like. UNREASONABLY nervous about posting it. like. i am a confident person, okay? i was going to make a burner AO3 account and post it under a different name so nobody would know it was me, and then never mention it to anyone except MAYBE super close friends. i got talked out of doing that (thanks i feel a bit silly about considering that now). and then i received my first comment on it, which was basically a two-liner where someone said they liked it and thanked me for writing it.

and i was like. ??...?????? ???????? ...??!!! because i felt like... uncontainable glee? i was freakishly happy. the amount of serotonin those two sentences gave me was definitely unnatural.

is that healthy? idk. will it continue? idk. LOL. i hope so? but idk, some people said it wears off if you write/post for a while. but whatever, the fact that one little comment like that could make my entire day blew my mind. tbh i thought writers were just exaggerating when they said stuff like that.

ever since then i started leaving comments! that shit's easy! like what was i overthinking for? i'm such a fucking tryhard! all i gotta say is that i liked it, and even the bare minimum can bring lots of joy to someone.

so basically what im trying to say is that negative reinforcement doesn't do shit!! it just makes people feel bad about themselves. that post is nasty for guilt-tripping readers like that, and i bet you it's going to have the opposite effect (or no effect tbh).

YAPPING FINISHED. for now.

[junkdyke]

That Time I Hooked Up With A Tumblr Mutual

Ok. Let me start by saying this is not a callout post, and this should be read as a humorous story, with some takeaway lessons at the end. Please enjoy my story of my weird ass encounter with a Tumblr mutual.

Part 1: The Backstory

Alight so boom. I had just returned home from a trip where I met a different Tumblr mutual. That trip was great but didn't end up going to plan, so long story short, ya girl was horny. I had never really had a one-night-stand or sought out a solely sexual hookup, so I started thinking maybe I could try it out, see how I like it. And through the sheer power of manifestation, that opportunity presented itself.

I was scrolling Tumblr and one of my mutuals posted asking if anyone was in (my area) and wanted to hang out. Mind you, I have never spoken to this mutual before. No DMs, maybe like 1 or 2 comments through tags and that's it. But, most of my moots are far as fuck, so when I saw she was near me I was like oh ayo, I'm free! Why not, I had nothing else going on! So I reply, and she DMs me.

So she introduces herself, we'll call her Chicle for reasons I'll get to later in the story lmao. Anyway, she gushes a little bit, saying she's been too shy to DM me and that I'm a really cool tattoo artist mutual, I say she's cute and seems cool, and she asks if I've ever been to this particular mall. I say I have and if she wants to cruise the mall with me. She says yeah I'd love to cruise the mall and "if I like her vibe, then maybe we can do something more fun." I say I'm down, she gives me her number.

So here is what I'm envisioning. We'll meet up at the mall, walk around and talk, get to know each other, have some laughs, get a snack, it was a Friday so maybe we could go out to like a bar or go dancing, and then maybe after that, possibly make-out or even have sex! I am not opposed to having sex after a first date if I'm really vibing with the person and if we've been talking for a bit before. Girls, this is not what happened.

Part 2: The Meeting

I get ready, and I drive to the mall. I park, we text on where to meetup and I head over to the Gamestop. I see her at the counter, go up and I'm like "are you buying Pokemon cards?" She starts laughing, she says "I didn't want you to see this!" I'm laughing, I told her it's cute, she finishes paying and we walk around. Cute start and thennnn it all starts to go downhill from here.

As we are walking out of the Gamestop, a minute and thirty seconds into meeting this stranger, she wraps her arm, not around my waist...but around my ass. And pulls me close. I'm instantly uncomfortable by how close this gesture is. She starts cooing in my ear about how she's "so glad I'm not a catfish" and "if I like her vibe because she really likes mine". We met not even 5 minutes ago, I have not had time to evaluate any vibes! But anyway! She asks if she wants smoke 🍃 so I agree, and we go outside, right across from where we just were.

I get to take like 1 hit from this pen, she then steps close to me and says "I'm so glad you're real" kisses me and squeezes my ass. I again feel the need to emphasize that at this point, it has still been less than 5 minutes since we've met, and we have exchanged about 10 messages only a couple hours prior. This is a stranger to me. ANYWAY.

We go back inside, she asks if I wanna walk around, I agree. We chat for a short bit of time, before we go to the food court. I wasn't hungry, so she got some food and we sat and talked. I had made some mention about my past and she wanted to know more so I'm like "okay, I'll give you my lore while you eat" so I basically tell Chicle my life story. Afterwards, we go to walk around more and I start trying to ask her questions so I can get to know her more. It becomes very apparent that she is not interested in getting to know each other lmao. I ask what she does for work, and what she's interested in, and she tells me she's interested in getting into (something animation related) and i'm like "oh ayo, that aligns with what I do" and start trying to get more info cause i'm curious, annd I get just the shortest fucking answers. Ok.

She ends up making a comment about how I'm probably more experienced than her, and I'm like "oh really? Well how many people have you been with?" and Chicle asks "are we counting online?" Now, there is nothing necessarily wrong with this...but it does become more clear on just how "online" this person is. Anyway, she has only been with a few people, never had a partner. It becomes very clear as to why she may have never had a partner.

Part 3: Inappropriate Behavior

We are walking around the mall, stopping in a few stores to look at stuff. Chicle is walking next to me and I am still trying to invoke conversation. But Chicle is not interested in conversation, because instead, she is deliberately and blatantly staring directly at my tits. What I mean is, mid-walking, she is at my side, craning her head to the side to make it incredibly clear that that is what she is doing. I straight up ask "are you...staring at my tits?" she confirms as such, and says something about her being a dog. The dog thing will come up again.

Chicle is at different points, holding me, kissing me, and saying various suggestive things. She grabs me and whispers in my ear "do you want to go back to my room" and I nervous laugh and say "uhhh, we'll see!" At another point, she says "you're so small, you want me to manhandle you and throw you around?" and I again nervous laugh. We're like in Hot Topic, and she start trying to makeout with me and grabbing my ass and says "you're making me so hard"(we'll put a pin in that) and I push her away and say "not in public". I can do a little PDA but this is a lot, and at this point I have known her for about 40 minutes, maybe an hour.

Continuing on, as we're walking through this crowded mall, she drapes her arm over my shoulder and starts grabbing my boob and trying to pinch my nipples, which I immediately pull away from and again say "not in public". Chicle again says "do you wanna get out of here and go back to my room" and I'm questioning what exactly she means, because the phrasing is a little weird. "what do you mean 'your room'?" and she says "I have a hotel room" so I'm a little confused cause I thought she lived in the area. She does.

"i got us a room"

Ya'll, this bitch preemptively booked a MOTEL ROOM without even asking me.

At this point, she has asked multiple times and each time I nervous laughed and said "haha maybe, we'll see, ehhh we'll see" To any normal person, my body language was extremely clear that I was uncomfortable. And again this is not a callout post, she is not a bad person, and everything that ultimately happened, I did consent to. But I will not sugarcoat the fact that this behavior was definitely inappropriate harassment, and there was absolutely some pressuring with the continuous asking. But as I mulled it over, there were 2 reasons I ultimately decided to agree and meet her at that motel.

I was craving intimacy

I had never done something like this before so..fuck it, let's do it for the plot.

And so, she gave me the address, we got in our respective cars, and we met at the motel.

Part 4: The Motel

We go to the room, put our stuff down, and I go to use the restroom. I'm thinking "oh shit, this is weird but alright, let's see what happens"

I come out of the restroom, wash my hands, and she comes over and we start kissing. Already it's fucking weird because the way she is kissing me is so goddamn fast, it's like someone inhaling a meal because they think it's gonna run away from them. Now idk about ya'll, but I like a slow, deep kiss. So already it's a mismatch, but whatever. She lifts me onto the sink, despite the weird kissing, it's hot. She has some really minty gum in her mouth, hence the name Chicle. Put a pin in that.

After a bit, we go to the bed, and I keep saying "how did you get me here" because honestly, I'm not fully comfortable, it's just a weird situation for me and I'm surprised I agree to it. But agree to it I did, so we get on the bed, and keep going. Now, even though she does not have much experience, she's not bad! But...I can tell there's certain things she's doing that I've seen. Or rather, read. Whew lad.

As we're getting into it, my clothes are coming off, she's saying "You're my favorite Tumblr mutual. I can't believe this is what my favorite Tumblr mutual is into." I don't even really know what to say to this because quite frankly, mentioning social media in bed in any capacity is kinda fucking cringe. But it just gets worse.

So, she's spitting on my pussy. And I, personally, have a strong aversion to spit. It's something that I tell anyone that is a potential sexual partner, but it this case, we obviously did not have a prior talk about our sexual boundaries. In this case, I'm like "okay whatever as long as it's just there" but I quickly say "hey uh, just please don't do that in my mouth or i'll throw up" lmao. She's like "Oh okay sorry sorry". But then at some point, without warning she smacks the FUCK out of my pussy, and I'm so taken aback I immediately say "UH DON'T DO THAT" and she again apologizes and says

"Oh sorry, you know I had to try that one. Like that Tumblr post, you know the one."

Ya'll, everything this bitch is doing, she is referencing posts from Tumblr. She is referencing the sexy fantasy butch/femme text posts from Tumblr and she is referencing them out loud. In the middle of real life sex.

She goes on to reference more posts, and the worst part is I know exactly the one's she's talking about. "Mutuals to lezz out with" etc etc, it's so fucking cringe, and she tells me about how she started wearing more of a certain article of clothing after I reblogged a picture of her in it and how embarrassed she is to admit that (I thought that was kinda cute actually) anyway

She's still going way too fast with like all her movements, I tell her to slow down and relax and I think at this point I mention how she did not have to do all that PDA shit from before. She says "well you know, on my Tumblr I do say I'm a dog" and then uh, she starts barking. 💀 literally starts going "woof, woof" and I tell her to s t o p. Jesus fucking christ.

Anyway, after mentioning Tumblr and calling me her favorite Tumblr mutual way too many fucking times, I'm on top of her. Mind you, this whole time, I'm kinda in and out dissociating, just due to how not fully comfortable I am with this. But ya know, I'm still going for it. Her shirts off, she has really cute boobs, and then I notice a really fucking huge bulge in her pants. And I fully dissociate. Not gonna lie, I started feeling really panicky, because straight up, I was not prepared for this. Physically, I'm still touching her, but my mind is fully disconnected, and I'm thinking "oh fuck. When she said 'you're making me so hard' was she being literal? I don't know if I'm comfortable with this. Should I tell her I want to stop? But I don't wanna hurt her feelings. Should I just take it? Well no, I don't really want to...maybe I'll just say 'hey is it cool if I don't touch it?' I mean, she's cute so ehhhhh let's just see what happens!" SO. We continue on.

We flip and she's now on top of me. She references another fucking Tumblr post, and says "do you wanna suck on this lesbian cock?", unzips her pants and pulls out...this MASSIVE transparent strap on. And I'm like oh, it was fake LMAO. Then I say "...yeah, so that's not going in me"

She ends up taking it off, I don't even know how the fuck she hid it in her jeans that entire time, and we continue on. Around this point, I'm starting to feel pretty spent, she did some other things like opening up my pussy to stare at it and describe the color, whatever, I'm kinda done and I just wanna cuddle. So we cuddle for a bit and again, it's physically nice but it's just so weird because she is SUCH a stranger to me that I can't get fully comfortable. She starts trying to start up again and I'm just not really in the mood anymore. She keeps playing with my nipples and typically whenever I'm touched in a way I'm not digging, I'll just take their hand and move it away as a silent but pretty clear way to indicate "no". But uh, I had to do that like 4 times with her before I verbally say "hey, please stop" and her response is "why" 💀 like wdym "why" bitch, cause i said so. I'm kinda surprised by this response so I start to say "Uhhhh, it's...kinda specific" and she goes "oh okay, sorry sorry".

So, honestly, I kinda just wanna go home but I don't wanna be mean and just take off. But there's also no way in hell I'm sleeping over in this motel room. So, I suggest we go out and maybe go to a club or something and she's like "uh, no. I don't like going out" 💀 like damn, maybe you should spend less time on FUCKING TUMBLR AND TRY GOING OUT IRL but whatever, instead we just go get food and bring it back to the room.

Part 5: What Could Have Been

We got some burgers, and she wants to open the Pokemon cards. We do, that's fun and cute, and she asks if I wanna keep some of the stickers that came in one of the packs.

Then she tells me that she had went to the library and checked out a book on tattoos since "she knows I'm a tattoo artist, and thought we could flip through it together." And I genuinely think this is such a cute fucking gesture, I think it's really sweet, and it frustrates the fuck out of me because of what this could have been.

I told her that she did not have to do all the PDA, it was a lot and it was excessive. She is not apologetic about it, and says that the reason she was like that was because "she needed me to know what her intentions were and that this was not just a 'friendly' meeting." so I reiterate that she did not have to do ALL OF THAT just for me to know that. And she just insists that in the past, girls have treated her like just a "bestie" so she needed to get her point across. Now call me old fashioned, but you could have just verbally fucking communicated "hey, i'm really attracted to you" and I would have caught the fucking drift. But okay!!

She asks me if I have any knives because I guess femmes tend to have a knife collection. I say no. And she fucking pulls out this huge ass lethal switchblade thing and is like "this is mine!" and i'm like oh god, this is it, I'm gonna fucking die in this motel room. But she doesn't kill me, she just shows me the cool knife and then puts it away. I have known this person for like 4 hours.

So, we flip through the book, and it's funny and cute, but she keeps trying to kiss me and instigate, and i'm just not interested, I just wanna flip through the book and go the fuck home. And that's pretty much what happens, we finish, I'm like "aight, ima head out" but

before i do

we end up making out again and then I think she was helping me put my shoes on?? she's on her knees in front of me and...she asks me to spit in her mouth. Once again, I have a major aversion to spit and i really, truly, do not want to spit in her mouth. But she says please...so I do like a half assed spit and hope it's good enough. She asks me to try again....so I get an accumulation and spit in her mouth, and she swallows it and i am so so sad about it 😭 and I finish getting my shit and I go the FUCK HOME.

Now here is what frustrates me about all this. Physically? This girl is extremely my type. I like the way she dresses, she has really nice arms, she has a cute face, she's really fucking attractive. She's interested in getting into the animation industry, which I'm currently also working on getting into as well. We could have talked about that and really had a cool discussion on what kind of projects she wants to do and what style she works in. She likes video games, we could have talked more about what games we like. She got this tattoo book because she knows I'm a tattoo artist, and I think that's really fucking cute. There's so many non-sexual aspects that could have made this a real fucking date where I got to know this person, and feel comfortable, and then we could have had really great sex because straight up, the girl was good. She may have learned it from Tumblr, and some of it was weird, but for the most part? She was damn good, especially for only having limited experience. This could have turned into something real! But NO. Chicle, instead, wanted to grope my tits in front of families an hour into meeting me, and made no effort to really let me get to know her in any capacity whatsoever! And it's not like she wanted this to be just a one-night-stand, because she had told me she was looking for a gf and asked me what I was looking for!

It just could have been so much better than this weird ass situation. And after the fact, she texted me and I answered a couple times, but when the following morning she said something to the effect of "it felt so good having you on my lap" I just never answered. Because prior to this, there was absolutely no established relationship, friendship or otherwise. And I could not see anything moving forward, because we couldn't backtrack into the aforementioned "could have been". I considered communicating how I didn't actually feel super comfortable with how things went, but I ultimately just decided to not reply. Shitty on my part, but again, there was no prior anything. And we just never spoke again, we remained mutuals, and so I never talked about this because uh, obviously she would see it. But since she blocked me, heyho now you all get the story!

Part 6: Epilogue

Now, the reason I decided to call her Chicle (Spanish for Gum)

So, while the nice minty gum was a nice gesture, her spitting that gum juice all over my vagina resulted in me getting a yeast infection💀 No more hookups.

So what lessons did we learn!

It's important to talk about sexual boundaries before having sex with someone!

Internet fantasy is not real life! Don't just do shit because you read about it in a fucking internet post or saw it in porn! (Especially when that person doesn't even make those kinds of posts, i don't reblog most of those for a reason)

Don't chew gum before going down on someone

Communication overall is really important for setting up any foundation, even if it is just a one-night hookup!

(yes this is ok the RB cause I spent forever writing this and I do genuinely think it's a very funny story. Sometimes ya just gotta do things for the plot so you get a good story out of it. No regrets, and my pussy is all healed up lmao)