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sepiasys · 27 days ago

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I'm so scares of the volunteer roles due to lack of confidence 🫠

So the food serving thingy has two roles: cooking/prepping food, and writing orders and keeping track of who got food.

The first I'm not very confident in but would like to try eventually. The second one is compared to another kind of volunteer role, which is greeting ppls at the food bank and maybe serving stuff if requested and just helping ppl out in front of the building/outside. It says strong customer service skills are necessary for the role as well as being able to work with a diverse amount of ppl 🥺

And I would wanna do that if it's similar to the other one if it'll help me out, since the food serving thing is only two other ppl helping out the manager. But I have no experience with customer service and my social skills are SHOT! Also de-escalation and understanding of trauma are mentioned as helpful for the role 🥲 Idk if I'm good with de-escalation, best I could do was my family and even then they RLLY liked to NOT LISTEN to me when I gave em advice to calm down (like separating physically while they were both pissed off--I swear mom was rlly immature about it when I was trying to help my bro because HE IS A CHILD!!). And trauma. I mean I have *experience* but do I know how to handle **others** with trauma? No, no not rlly 🥲

Hhhhhh telling myself I just need to jump into it. Doesn't help that I watched a bartending video thing. Sink or swim. I'm so scared of sinking ;-; I'm scared of if they see me as pathetic and useless despite it being a volunteer thing!!

Fuck I just need to like. Work on the days that they're not serving ppl, not open to the public. So 3 specific days. And then I need to go from that to working on days that ARE busy, but I'm still not interacting with the public public yet. And then I need to ease into working with the public via the front of house roles. And then I can do whatever I want at that point ig-

God I want to start doing stuff now but I can't because I haven't been told if I need to do anything specific 🥺 I have shifts scheduled for after the event, bc it's in a week, and that's for the one role I feel like is probably rlly easy? Probably? And I just. Hhhh. The most info I have actually comes from a training video for a semi-unrelated role, bc it shows what I assume is made/left by the role I signed up for?

Hhhhh a lot. A lot is going on rn. A lot of serious planning and preparation and I'm trying really hard to not be a tight little ball of rubber bands (incredibly stressed out) about it. But it's hard not to. Especially when half of my stress comes from my roommate(s).

Fuck I just. Need to wait. Because that's what EVERYONE says. That things take time. I just need to wait for the time to do these things. Wait.

As if that hasn't been detrimental to me my entire life.

#sepiasys.txt #I'm so so so scared man I need. I need to like. choose other roles TwT As much as I/we RLLY wanna work with ppls; we need to get USED to #other people FIRST. Its hard to deal with other people as someone who is autistic and was shut in 24/7 (not entirely by choice until it was)#Back of house to front of house to hot food. It sounds so simple but it's really not. and I have to walk there in shitty shoes but its. fine #Study study study study I need to study the training videos again again again again #AAAAAGH I hate this I hate society I hate life and existing like a normal person BECAUSE I'M NOT T-T #But it's so easy to mask It's so easy to feel like I've never been stressed out or anxious at all when I'm there because that's always how #it goes with me. Going to a new therapist? Anxious bc alone. Actual therapy? fine. good even maybe. go home? decompress.#Going to a job interview? Jittery and nervous and pissed off and everything. Actually doing it? Jittery in one place but otherwise perfectly #fine! atleast emotionally. Ig. idk. AFTER interview? Go home and try to calm down and chill out w/a reward for myself to help.#It's always fine DURING and I try to tell myself that. Try to say remember that I'm in the moment!! And IN THE MOMENT things turn fine!!#But it doesn't really rid me of my anxiety. It just gets. blocked out. I would say masked but I genuinely feel it at minimal levels to zero #God why do I have to be built like this why is this how I function why does the rubber bands just get thrown into a box while we play w/smth #else temporarily before pulling the rubber bands out again? Why do I we have to be anxious and stressed until we're not and just #Why do emotions have to be so fucking stupid and weird and like a fucking light switch all the time #I FUCKING HATE THIS I HATE NORMAL PEOPLE I HATE THIS STUPID SOCIETY WE LIVE IN SO MUCH AND I JUST WISH I COULD STAY ALIVE AND EVEN LIVE #WITHOUT HAVING TO DO ALL THE STUPID SHIT YOU'RE EXPECTED TO DO AND EVEN SHAMED FOR NOT DOING OR NOT BEING ABLE TO DO #I hate it so much. God I want to fucking die in a HOLE. I'm so tired of this shit (I'm not 🦊 I'm just. crashing out? Idk but I'm like. havin #g a bad time and it's just kinda like lashing out in my depression spiral or whatever this is. idk. If u saw me physically you'd see how #depressed I look/feel. (and maybe empty too bc yk. But still).#OK RANT OVER I'm gonna go draw something :3 Or maybe try and figure out what was written from before (IW) even if it doesn't end up working

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minarisplaything · 3 months ago

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Loyalty

hanni x male reader (ft. background Danielle, Minji, and Haerin) word count: 3,335 a/n: back from the grave with a topical one-shot. newjeans never die... disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and does not represent any individuals, situations or real life. summary: After a shake-up at Ador the whole staff were let go. You were brought in as part of the new hires, specifically to be one of the managers for NewJeans. Weary from the last regime, the members want to make sure that they can trust you, inviting you to a private meeting to see where your loyalties lie.

The last thing you expected when you were hired by Ador to be part of the new management for the global sensation NewJeans was to be called in for a meeting by the members themselves. You had expected you'd introduce yourself at some point, after all, you'd be one of the core managers after the staff turnover, but what you hadn't expected was for it to feel so formal.

You shifted in your seat, feeling slightly anxious as you waited for...whatever this was, to begin.

"Oppa, you don't have to be nervous," Danielle said, her voice as sweet as her appearance.

From the outside looking in, Danielle had always struck you as the sweetest of the bunch. The type of woman who would comfort anyone and brighten their day with kind words.

"Yeah, we just want to make sure everyone is on the same page" Minji added, seated to Dani's left. Her voice was soft, but more firm than Danielle's. Where Dani offered you a sweet, reassuring smile, Minji looked far more serious in her expression. It was hard not to be nervous.

"That's good to hear," you chuckled, trying to dispel the nerves. "When you four said you wanted to meet I was a little uneasy."

To call it unusual was an understatement. Yet here you were, in a chair seated across from four of the five members: Danielle, Minji, Hanni, and Haerin.

"It's been really hard to figure out who we can trust," Hanni chimed in. Her voice was sympathetic. As if she was finding the middle ground between the prior two. "With all this turnover, we just want to make sure the new staff has the right priorities."

You swallowed thickly. Why did that feel like a threat?

Your eyes turned towards Haerin, expecting her to chime in. But she merely continued to stay at you silently with her cat-like gaze. You shifted again in your seat slightly, trying to dismiss any feeling of discomfort and remain professional. You hadn't felt nearly this anxious during your initial interview for this position.

"I-I see. Well, that is understandable. It's a big change after all," you said. "Whatever I can do to help ease any concerns you might have, I'll do it."

"I knew you'd understand," Dani clasped her hands together, her smile beaming.

Minji, however, seemed less convinced. "We'll see."

Hanni folded her hands on the table that was situated between the four of them and you, her eyes compassionate. "The one thing we're most worried about is loyalty. The last staff was loyal to HYBE. We want to make sure that you are loyal to us. That you won't do anything to hurt us. That you'll listen to us."

Her voice lowered an octave at the last part.

"That sounds...reasonable."

Honestly, it sounded complicated. You hadn't exactly signed up for being part of some corporate politics when you submitted your resume. But, you supposed you could understand where they were coming from. They had been hurt and wanted to make sure they could trust you. Fair enough. "How can I prove myself?"

"Meow," Haerin spoke up.

You blinked, confused. "Um, excuse me?"

"She said she wants you to take off your pants," Minji provided.

"My...pants...?"

Had you heard her right? Surely you must have misheard. Yet you looked at each woman; the subtle glint in Minji's eyes, Hanni's lips curved in the hint of a smile, Dani's soft encouragement, and Haerin with her un-blinking feline gaze. There was no hint of this being a prank or a joke. They were serious. You felt your blood rush a bit quicker at that realization.

“It’s just a little request. You said you'd prove yourself, right?”

It was Dani's sweet voice that broke the tension. Her question leads you toward the answer she wanted to hear.

You felt heat rising to your cheeks. This was insane. Unhinged even. And no doubt not covered under any HR guidelines. You could get up and walk out that door. You'd probably lose your job but at least you'd keep your clothes on. Then again, you'd also prove you weren't someone who could be trusted. And, quietly, the idea of standing before them with fewer clothes stirred something inside of you.

Wordlessly you stood, your fingers moving to the button of your slacks as you undressed. It was hard not to feel a little self-conscious as you stripped down but you got on with it, eventually standing before them in just your boxers and shirt.

You could feel their eyes devouring you.

Hanni leaned over to Minji, whispering something in her ear. Dani continued to smile, while Haerin's expression remained unreadable.

"Is this good enough?"

"Meow."

You looked over at Minji for a translation.

"And your boxers."

"What?"

Your eyes widened. She was fucking with you, surely. You looked back to Haerin to see if that was a mistranslation. She, however, stared back at you, waiting for you to fulfill her request. Your cock twitched, another shiver running down your spine.

"Not now, dammit," you muttered at your cock but to no avail.

"Not now?" Hanni repeated, misunderstanding, "So, you don't want to work with us, oppa?"

"No, that's not what I meant --"

"I told you we couldn't trust him."

"Guys, just give him a second!"

You could only sit there as Minji, Danielle, and Hanni broke out into disagreement over your participation. Your gaze drifted towards the far end of the table where Haerin sat with her same stoic expression and feline gaze directed right at you. It was as if the chaos around her didn't matter, she was waiting for you to fulfill her request. It was hypnotizing and slowly you found your hands drifting towards the waistband of your boxers.

You swallowed thickly, hesitating for a moment. The bickering between the members was growing louder, but all of it seemed to fade into the background as Haerin's stoic gaze practically dared you to go just one step further.

This is insane, you thought. There was no HR manual in existence that could prepare you for this situation. And yet, you felt a dangerous thrill coursing through your veins. You were here, in a room with four of the most influential idols in the industry, and they had made it clear: you were either with them or against them.

"Oppa?" Dani's voice snapped you out of your trance. They had apparently caught on to your subtle movement and the discussion had briefly stalled. There was still a gentle sweetness to her voice but there was something else to her tone. Almost like a hopeful plea.

Hanni leaned back in her chair, her expression shifting to one of disappointment. "I think Minji is right, he can't do it."

You could feel the situation slipping through your fingers. If you didn’t act now, there’d be no recovery from this. You'd be out of a job and you'd have lost all their trust. For some reason, the latter felt more painful than the former. Without another word, you hooked your thumbs into the waistband and pushed your boxers down, stepping out of them with as much composure as you could muster.

The room went silent.

Dani's eyes flickered down, her mouth slightly agape in shock. Hanni let out a quiet giggle as she leaned forward onto her elbows, peering at your cock from over the table. Minji’s stoic facade cracked just a bit, a glint of approval in her eyes. But it was Haerin who captured your attention the most. Her gaze slowly roved over your exposed body, her expression unreadable. Then, she leaned back, finally breaking eye contact to glance at Minji.

��Meow,” she said again, her voice low and even softer than before.

“What’s she saying now?” you asked, your voice cracking slightly, betraying your nerves.

Minji leaned forward with her elbows on the table, her chin resting on her intertwined fingers. “She says you’ve passed the first test.”

"I knew you could do it, oppa!" Danielle cheered clasping her hands together.

“The...first test?” you repeated, your heart sinking as you realized what that implied.

"Did you think this was it? You wanted to prove your loyalty, didn’t you?”

You swallowed thickly, your eyes darting from Danielle's happy expression to Minji's business-like demeanor and Haerin's unreadable disposition. All the while Hanni's gaze seemed completely focused on your hard cock.

"Alright," you nodded, steeling your nerves a bit. You had come this far, how much worse could it get? "If that's what it'll take. I'm ready for whatever you have to put me through."

"Oh, can I do the next one? Please?"

It was Hanni who spoke up with a newfound excitement, breaking from her trance.

"We agreed it'd be Minji who handled it," Danielle whispered.

"So?"

Minji looked over at Hanni, one eyebrow raised, “Fine. Go ahead, Hanni. Just remember what we talked about.”

Hanni's face lit up at being given the green light. She quickly pushed her chair back, practically bouncing on her feet as she made her way over to you. The rest of the members leaned back, watching her with varied expressions — Dani with her usual supportive smile, Minji with a calculating gaze, and Haerin, as always, unreadable, though you thought you detected a flicker of interest in her eyes.

You tried to hold your ground, but it was hard not to feel a shiver of anticipation as Hanni stopped in front of you, her eyes sparkling with a mixture of mischief and something else you couldn’t quite place. The way she was looking at you made your skin tingle and your cock twitch. Despite the uncertainty of it all you still managed to be horny in the middle of it. It was a fact you tried to push aside lest your embarrassment get the best of you.

“Oppa,” she said, her voice sing-song and dripping with excitement, “you said you’re ready for whatever we put you through, right?”

You nodded, your throat dry. “That’s right.”

Hanni’s smile widened, and she reached up, her fingers brushing along your jawline in a surprisingly gentle touch. She tilted her head, almost as if she were examining you. “You’re really cute when you’re nervous,” she teased, her voice a whisper meant only for you.

She took a step back and, without breaking eye contact, dropped to her knees in front of you. Your breath hitched at the sight, the tingling anticipation intensifying tenfold. What was she planning?

“I’ve got a little game for us to play,” Hanni continued, her fingers tracing down the side of your thigh.

"A game?"

"Mhmm."

Dani giggled behind her hand, while Minji leaned forward slightly.

Hanni leaned closer, her hands now resting on your hips. You could feel the warmth of her breath against your skin, and it took everything in you not to shiver. She looked up at you through her lashes, her sweet smile taking on a devilish edge.

“You proved you can follow instructions already, but can you show self-restraint?"

Your heart pounded in your chest as you nodded. “I -- yes. I can."

“Let's find out,” she purred. Then, without breaking eye contact, she slowly dragged her nails down your thighs, the sensation sending a shiver through your entire body. “I want you to close your eyes and hold still. And no peeking!”

You hesitated for a brief moment, but the way she was looking at you made it impossible to refuse. With a deep breath, you let your eyes flutter shut, trusting her completely, even though you knew you were stepping into uncharted territory.

“Don’t move a muscle, oppa. Not unless I tell you to.”

You opened your mouth to confirm that you understood her instruction when you felt Hanni's fingers wrap around your engorged cock. You hissed, breathing in sharply and resisting the urge to arch into her touch. Had she lost her mind?! Then again, as much as you might've wanted to morally grandstand at that moment, the thoughts were quickly washed away by her other hands beginning to fondle your balls.

"You can do it!" Danielle said supportively.

She's right, you thought. You just had to focus. A simple handjob was nothing you couldn't handle. Hell, with your eyes closed you could just pretend it was no different than getting yourself off.

Just when you were beginning to feel confident about your chances, you felt something soft press against the sensitive head of your cock followed by something warm and wet. No, not something. It was Hanni's lips and mouth enveloping your cock while her hand held your shaft steady.

"Oh fuck..."

You let out a moan, doing your best to remain still, your toes curling in on themselves as Hanni sunk lower and lower onto your cock until you were hitting the back of her throat and even then she continued. You resisted the urge to tangle your hands in her hair as her nose came flush against your groin, swallowing your cock whole and deep-throating you for a long moment. What you wouldn't give to be able to open your eyes and look down to see the sight kneeling in front of you. To see Hanni Pham with your cock buried down her throat as she looked up at you with those pretty eyes.

"Go Pham Hanni!" Dani cheered on her group mate.

After a second longer, Hanni began to slowly pull off your cock, letting out a slurping sound before finally coming off it with a pop.

Unbeknownst to you she had a glazed-over look in her eyes, her gaze thick with lust.

"So far so good..."

She said, almost sounding distracted. You had a feeling she was enjoying this more than simply being a test but swallowed down the thought as you felt Hanni suck the tip into her mouth, her tongue grazing along the underside of your shaft. She licked down your shaft, taking your cock deeper into her mouth again as she started to move her head with short, quick bobs.

She relaxed her throat, taking you deeper, faster, and all you could do was curl your fingers into your palms and force your eyes shut with considerable effort. The rest of the room was noticeably quiet outside of the sounds of Hanni mouth-fucking herself on your cock and the occasional encouragement from Dani. Whether they were enjoying the show or simply watching with studious gazes, you hadn't the slightest clue. What you did know was the thought of them watching as Hanni swallowed you down greedily again and again had you aching between her lips.

Hanni came off your cock once more, her breathing ragged. "D-did he fail yet?"

"Not yet."

It was Minji who answered.

"Good."

Hanni gave a long lick over the thick vein on the underside of your cock, going from base to tip. You shivered but remained in place. Her tongue teased the slit at the tip of your cock, swirling around it before taking your length between her lips once again. Her hands braced herself against your thighs as she began bobbing her head in earnest.

"It feels good doesn't it?"

"You have no idea."

"I can tell. I bet you want to grab her head and fuck her mouth, don't you? You want to thrust your cock between those pretty lips until you finish."

You felt Hanni moan around your cock, sending reverberations along your shaft.

Minji continued, her hands folded neatly with her elbows propped up. "This is why we need this test. Self-control is crucial. There will be people who try to sway you—bribery, favoritism, or worse. They might offer money, promise promotions, or even tempt you with something... a bit like what Hanni’s doing right now.”

You felt Hanni's lips smile around your cock at that.

"Meow."

Danielle glanced at Haerin, then turned back to you with a reassuring smile. "Haerin's got a point. We just want to see if you can handle this. You get what we're asking, right, Manager-nim?"

Some part of your brain was recognizing the importance behind their words. The logic behind. Unfortunately, whatever part of your brain wasn't overloaded with pleasure sensors as Hanni played with your balls while continuing to suck your cock was too busy doing your best not to blow your hot load right down the singer's throat.

Your throat felt dry, and you're head was spinning. All you could do was nod quickly, forcing out the words, "Y-yes, I understand."

All the while your entire body trembled as you stood there, eyes clamped shut, hands balled into fists at your sides. You felt your toes curling against the cold floor, desperately trying to ground yourself as you fought to maintain your composure as Hanni continued to suck your cock. It was almost too much, and you could feel yourself reaching the breaking point.

“H-Hanni, please…” you managed to gasp out, your voice strained, but you bit your lip, trying to hold back a desperate plea. You knew better than to give in now. Not when you were this close.

"Meow."

Danielle's lips spread into a smile. "I think you're right, he's getting close. You've done so good holding back, manager-nim!"

Dani's praise fell on deaf ears. Your mind was gone at that point, focused only on holding onto whatever shred of control you had left for as long as possible. Amidst the pleasure and internal struggle you were experiencing there was a shuffling of feet and then silence, only filled by the lewd sounds of Hanni's lips around your aching length. You waited, every nerve in your body on edge. Finally, Hanni pulled off your cock with a long slurp and a pop, her hand still stroking you as she spoke up.

“Alright, oppa. You can open your eyes now.”

You exhaled sharply, almost in relief, and slowly let your eyelids flutter open. The sight that greeted you made your breath hitch.

Hanni was still there, her delicate fingers stroking your aching cock. Her lips were red and swollen with evidence of her efforts, a bit of saliva spilling at the side of her mouth. However, she was no longer alone. She was now joined by Danielle, Minji, and Haerin, all kneeling next to her on the floor, the four of them lined up in a row before you. It was a sight that felt like something out of a fever dream — four of the most sought-after idols in the world, on their knees before you, gazing up with expressions that ranged from sweet to stern.

“Oppa, you did so well!” Danielle was the first to speak, her voice filled with genuine warmth and excitement.

“You didn’t break. Even when we pushed you. You listened to us when it mattered the most,” Minji said.

Her tone was even but there was a hint of approval in her soft eyes. Haerin, as always, remained the most unreadable. But you took the fact that she was there kneeling next to the others as her approval.

"T-thanks, ah, this would be a lot easier if..."

"Oh!"

As if remembering the obvious the four girls leaning in close, looking up at you as Hanni stroked your cock faster.

"Manager-nim, you can cum right now."

The sultry words left her lips and that was all it took. The pressure valve was released and your cock twitched in her grasp, painting the faces of all four members with your seed. From your balls to the tip of your cock you felt it washing over you. A feeling so intense that you nearly blacked out from the experience.

As you regained your composure with deep breaths, you looked down at the sight before you. "Shit..."

And what a sight it was.

"Manager-nim, welcome to the family," Hanni said, wiping some of your cum off her face and licking it off her finger. "We'll be counting on you!"

"Meow!"

You could only chuckle, drained literally and metaphorically. "I look forward to working with you all."

#newjeans smut #hanni smut #hanni pham smut #kpop smut #male reader #shocked i actually finished a story for the first time in ages #newjeans imagines #girl group smut

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