#it feels like he intentionally says things to get rises out of people because hes fucking afraid of being genuine and normal

[lycanthian]

there is nothing more inhumanly frustrating to me than when someone tries to correct you on something and by all accounts theyre right except that in doing so they have wrongly assumed what you are trying to do

[maliro-t]

The highlight of Veilguard for me is the relationship between Solas and Rook- and I don't know how to write about this on the internet without being acutely aware of other peoples' criticisms (such as there not being enough of it)- so I'll just say up top that I'm not actually intending this as a refutation of any of those. I just want to talk about my experience with the game and why I like it so much, which will probably make obvious where I disagree with some reoccurring critiques I've seen. *

The thing about Solas in this game is that he plays the role of the trickster perfectly. As much as Fen'Harel is a myth or a persona, and the stories we know of him invented or twisted, his role in Veilguard feels like it could slot in so, so easily with the myths, and in many ways directly parallels them. He is sinister and noble, monstrous and sympathetic, ruthless and compassionate, all at once. He spends the game trapped and humbled but can be almost gleefully condescending at times. He conflates outsmarting an enemy with being right, even as he plays the long-suffering martyr, tortured by countless mistakes. He falls easily into the role of advisor but is quick to note your foolishness. To sneer and declare the problem yours and yet still impose upon you an appraisal of your conduct.

But more than any of that, for most of the game, he's...passive. Dormant. He seems to make no moves, other than as a glorified consultant, despite starting as the main threat.

In Blood of Arlathan, when he finally rears his head again as major a player on the board, it's with a gallant offer of help. As an ally. He is exactly what you need, right when you need it, and you don't even have to ask him to be. And- because you don't have constant access to him, you maybe haven't even considered him an option!

He feels extremely intentionally sparing to me before this in service of a) making you think you're the one with power over him and b) causing you to forget he might contribute at all, so that when he finally does, it seems wholly benevolent. It comes in a moment where your goals are exactly aligned, and indisputably noble.

It's a waiting game. A classic of his, harkening back to stories we've heard time and again about Fen'harel and traps.

As Felassan tells it in the Masked Empire:

Fen'Harel was captured by the hunting goddess, Andruil. He had angered her by hunting the halla without her blessing, and she tied him to a tree and declared that he would have to serve in her bed for a year and a day to pay her back. But as she made camp that night, the dark god Anaris found them, and Anaris swore that he would kill Fen'Harel for crimes against the Forgotten Ones. Andruil and Anaris decided that they would duel for the right to claim Fen'Harel. He called out to Anaris during the fight and told him of a flaw in Andruil's armor just above the hip, and Anaris stabbed Andruil in the side, and she fell. Then Fen'Harel told Anaris that he owed the Dread Wolf for the victory and ought to get his freedom. Anaris was so affronted by Fen'Harel's audacity that he turned and shouted insults at the prisoner, and so he did not see Andruil, injured but alive, rise behind him and attack with her great bow. Anaris fell with a golden arrow in his back, badly injured, and while both gods slumbered to heal their wounds, Fen'Harel chewed through his ropes and escaped.

He goads his enemies into fighting each other for his benefit. Anaris, who had hunted him, succeeds with Fen'Harel's advice, exploiting a weakness he could only see with his aid. In turn, Anaris himself is left exposed. The victory goes to Fen'Harel, who has now dispatched two enemies at once and cleverly won his freedom.

He who was both Creator and Forgotten One. Who could walk amongst both as kin, and who in the end turned his back on them all.

Another tale:

The god Fen'Harel was asked by a village to kill a great beast. He came to the beast at dawn, and saw its strength, and knew it would slay him if he fought it. So instead, he shot an arrow up into the sky. The villagers asked Fen'Harel how he would save them, and he said to them, 'When did I say that I would save you?' And he left, and the great beast came into the village that night and killed the warriors, and the women, and the elders. It came to the children and opened its great maw, but then the arrow that Fen'Harel had loosed fell from the sky into the great beast's mouth, and killed it. The children of the village wept for their parents and elders, but still they made an offering to Fen'Harel of thanks, for he had done what the villagers had asked. He had killed the beast, with his cunning, and a slow arrow that the beast never noticed.

Felassan is everywhere in the Crossroads, in memories, in regrets, in notes that speak to a time you can barely fathom and traces of a friendship that is never once brought up by Solas directly (to my knowledge at least). I think Felassan serves a lot of purposes; he's a window into history, into Solas' mind and ideals, someone who challenges moments of ruthlessness but is loyal, an advisor who keeps Solas grounded even as he pushes him to become something larger than he is, a lingering notion of a loss that you can never really see the full scale of, and so on. And I think, too, that he's written carefully to be a meaningful presence from the rebellion without explicitly spoiling what eventually happens to him, which I wouldn't be surprised if was a legit consideration made for people who might go back and read the Masked Empire after dav lol- in the same way that Trespasser only really spoils the book if you already know what happens.

But for me, every note signed with his name is almost a tongue-in-cheek warning about what's to come. Felassan. A slow arrow, fired apparently mockingly into the sky, only to strike true when it's least expected. A solution executed with neither kindness nor explanation, serving first and foremost the interests of the one who fired it. Felassan's presence in the game ever so slightly encodes a reminder of who you're actually dealing with and what his core tenants are, whether as an ally or an adversary. You only know if you know, but it doesn't seem an accident to me that this reoccurring name of a general who shaped himself in honor of the Dread Wolf's unorthodox cleverness is so key to these traces of Fen'Harel's past, despite, again, never directly being discussed.

Anyways, to Rook. First, I gotta give a shoutout to Bryony Corrigan, whose voice I used for mine- she honestly made the game for me, especially in moments where I felt unsure of it. I love Rook, I love how they're written, and I love how they're performed. While a complete blank slate protagonist can be really fun, I find putting myself as a player in conversation with limitations given by the game really fun and interesting, and often surprising! And I do feel there's still plenty of flexibility.

My perspective on the relationship between Rook and Solas in Veilguard is specific to how I played of course, and I haven't seen other versions of their dynamic at this point to compare so I can't speak to them. But my experience was as such:

I didn't come into the game wanting to intentionally antagonize him. If he rose at me, I rose at him- and those moments of tension were really, really fun. But I tried to accept what he gave me with a fairly open mind. Skepticism, sure, but also the knowledge that ultimately, we both wanted Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain gone, and he knew them better than I did.

It was really gratifying, then, to see our rocky partnership evolve over time into what seemed like a genuine respect. But it didn't really feel straightforward to me either. For example, the conversation before Weisshaupt held a lot of weight for me: listening to him tell that chilling tale about undermining an enemy with persistent laughter and finding that 'Do whatever it takes to remove those who oppose you' was something we came out aligned on was.... There was an element of foreboding to that. Like, I had found myself actively trying to impress him here! And feeling good when it seemed like I had, but uneasy about how I had done it, even when I agreed with what I'd said.

And of course, after that comes Arlathan. Solas' big hero moment. This is the point in the game where our alliance finally felt comfortable to me. The conversation in the fade after was the first time that it really seemed like we were on even ground. And the game- not just Solas- told me here outright that I had earned his respect! After that, I didn't consider betrayal a possibility for a moment. Honestly, I barely even considered him an antagonist at all, because he had become a partner instead! I was expecting something clever down the line, but I wasn't worried about it hurting me. Our disagreements had been set aside, and the goal of his that I had initially opposed had been so thoroughly usurped I had forgotten that he was even pursuing it. And yes, that's perhaps naivety on my part, but I was so distracted by that not at all being the main plot that I forgot that it actually still was. Which is the whole point, right? He waits until your head is turned the other way to strike.

All this to say, my reaction when you kill Ghilan'nain and Solas uses the instability of the Veil to force you into his prison went beyond shock and confusion. It wasn't until well into his villain monologue that I was able to accept that he had betrayed me at all- having been thus far trying desperately to convince myself that the sequence I was seeing was Elgar'nan playing mind games in retaliation, and not actually Solas.

That prison moment is his Slow Arrow. You are Anaris to Elgar'nan's Andruil, the dagger the chink in her armor, and Ghilan'nain's death the golden arrow striking you in the back.

The wolf chews its leg off to escape the trap.

And I should say, I was coming at this all from the meta perspective of someone who loves Solas and empathizes with him and has never seen him as irredeemable or evil- and I, the player, who believed that all game and is ultimately satisfied with the resolution I got- felt hoodwinked as fuck in this moment lmao!!

There's a line in the prison that Varric has about it being easier for Solas to play the villain when he knows he's causing harm- so I do think he plays up his sinisterness here on purpose. But it's such a slap in the face coming straight off of "You have earned the respect of the Dread Wolf." A true and profound betrayal, at least for me.

And it doesn't stop there! His trickster maneuvers and half-truths aren't done until the credits roll. I love that when you meet again, he is nothing but apologies. He makes every concession- that Varric was a good man, that every victory in this fight has been yours, that he needs you and not the other way around, that he was wrong and made mistakes and betrayed people who never deserved it. And of course, we know from experience at this point that this won't stop him from doing it again anyways. But he never holds back from placing the blame on himself. Agreeing with you. Telling you you're right, and that Elgar'nan must be stopped. He only ever says things that are true. Things that are aligned with your point of view.

"[The veil] will never come down by my hand." Well, yes. Because it will fall on its own when Elgar'nan is dead. You won't hardly have to do anything at that point, Solas, will you?

It doesn't matter if Rook isn't falling for it, because if they don't accept his partnership, they lose! That's it! It's the same as it was at the start, but with the added sting of knowing it probably won't work out in your favor this time.

I remember before launch John Epler saying that Solas sees himself in Rook, which really echoes throughout the whole game for me. There are some ways you could say Solas seems opposite to Rook- and of course this can wax and wane depending on roleplaying choices, but the central conceit of Rook as Varric's recruit is that they are a specialist in being willing to act. And on the surface at least, that's kind of counter to Solas' Slow Arrow, right? Blunt force versus delayed gratification. But not entirely! Because every backstory we have for Rook revolves around a kind of heroism that is unorthodox enough to have left you ultimately punished for it. Like yeah, yeah, you saved some lives.... The optics were kinda bad though, so maybe you could go on a sabbatical for a while?

Rook is, from the start, an unconventional and unsung hero, admonished by some for ruffling feathers that they shouldn't have in pursuit of a noble goal. Not unlike Fen'Harel.

I find, too, that there's kind of a nesting doll of parallels around Rook and Solas as foils that the whole story hinges on:

We see Solas, his regrets plastered on every wall, each of them tied to Mythal. At every turn he seems to warn her that this is not the right path, but he follows her down it anyways, until he is left with nothing but an overwhelming need to fix what they have broken.

We see Felassan, who still wears Mythal's vallaslin on his face, challenging Solas' judgement and methods, but still standing by him through the rebellion, after the Veil, for however many thousands of years they slept. Ultimately, in the Masked Empire, the thing that makes him falter is his admiration for someone else's pursuit of freedom. His admiration for Briala.

"I suspect you'll hate this, but she reminds me of-"

Solas is Rook. Solas is Briala. Upstarts, flawed defenders, people who are made into leaders because of their willingness to fight for something. Who see injustice and cannot rest.

Solas is Felassan, the devoted general. One who pushes against his orders but cannot deny them. Someone who loves the cause, but more than that is dedicated to the person who champions it. A voice of reason who, in the end, turns away.

Solas is Mythal, a pragmatic leader, responsible for uncountable deaths. Someone who has relied on partners and power structures that have led her down a dark path, partners whose mistakes in their pursuit of power have become her own. Partners who in the end betray her.

Solas is trapped in his regrets because they are not all his. He struggles with having been failed and with how he has failed others, and in his mind the two become conflated. He carries these contradictory roles on his back- perpetrator and victim, betrayer and betrayed- and cannot see how to overcome them. He is ultimately freed by Mythal's absolution because the foremost factor in his crusade is not belief but guilt.

The ends have to justify the means, because there is no other way he can live with himself. And at every step, he is trying to redeem Mythal as much as he is trying to redeem himself.

He did not want a body, but she asked him to come. He wanted to give wisdom, not orders. I will always follow where you go.

He left a scar when he burned her off his face.

It was all for her. It was always for her.

Solas' duplicity is unending, but so is his devotion. And there is such an earnestness to a Rook, always betrayed, that sees and empathizes with that and uses it to free him.

* I will say that during the game I was definitely wishing you could show your hand to him a little more and press him about his memories prior to the endgame (and separate from this I have quibbles with the impact of some of those memory reveals- like wrt the delivery just not feeling as weighty as I would like. The payoff is absolutely still there in the end, it just felt to me like they were too nonchalantly getting a ton of info out that had to be established moving forward, despite these being like earthshattering reveals that people have Correctly (!!!!) theorized about for up to 15 years). That being said, in retrospect it would have lessened the impact of the finale to have pressed Solas about, for example, his relationship to Mythal prior to absolutely pulling the rug out from under him with it at the 11th hour. And additionally, it's a structural nightmare because you can uncover the memories at almost any point in the story, and you don't have constant access to Solas to chat with him about them. Which you shouldn't imo, in service to the story being told!! But it's also true that early on I found scenes with Solas super gripping, and scenes with my team often...not. And that was initially disheartening, but developed positively over time on all fronts once the game didn't have to worry about setting things up. So, I did wish for more here at first, but I've revised my opinion now that I can see the whole arc.

[mylight-png]

I refuse to be told to "move on" from October 7th. I simply refuse.

You know the thing about trauma? You don't really get the choice to move on. You may be living in the future, but at least a part of your mind is trapped in that horrible moment. Sometimes that part of you can never escape.

Right now, as I'm writing this, I am sitting at my desk in my room. But right now, as I am writing this a part, huge part, of me is still in that airport. That part of me is still staring at my phone, trying to catch its breath but failing. That part of me is still watching in shock as the death count rises, the videos of Hamas's atrocities are broadcasted everywhere I see, the celebration of my people being massacred is burning my eyes. My ears are hearing the wailing sirens from when I was last in Israel. My hands are still feeling the shaking of the walls as the Iron Dome intercepts attempts upon the lives of my family and me. My heart is hurting for each life lost and each family left broken.

My body is here, in January 10th. My mind is not. My mind, and the mind of nearly every Jew is still stuck in October 7th.

Do not think we chose this. If I could choose indifference, if I could choose apathy, if I could choose ignorance, I wouldn't feel so constantly triggered and in pain.

But nobody gets to choose trauma.

This wasn't a unique trauma, a first-time event. Pogroms are nothing new to us, genocides and attempts at such against us aren't anything new, hateful libel and lies are near-constants.

That's part of what made October 7th so much worse.

I grew up hearing about how my great-grandfather lost his entire family to the Holocaust, how my ancestors survived pogroms, how my parents faced systemic antisemitism in the USSR.

We all grew up hearing our parents and grandparents tell us about antisemitism.

And do not think we were ignorant of it. I was well aware that the world is not even close to shedding its deeply ingrained antisemitism.

I was aware of it when I wrote a speech about discussion of modern antisemitism and being told it was "well-written but controversial". I was aware of it when my teacher said I was responding "emotionally, not academically" to an author claiming antisemitism and the Holocaust weren't "that bad".

I was aware of it when a synagogue near me got shot up, a synagogue I've been to. I was aware of it because I had no other choice.

But it had always felt like it was "winding down" from what my parents had told me. Yes what my teacher did was bad but at least he didn't explicitly single me out for being a Jew and intentionally fail me. Yes the feedback for my speech was hurtful but it wasn't like I was being violently censored. Yes the shooting was awful but it wasn't a full-blown pogrom.

I'm not saying my logic was correct. Far from it. But that's how it felt before October 7th.

When October 7th happened I saw that nothing was "winding down" as I had previously thought. People were still just as keen to gleefully cheer on the killing of Jews as they had been. The world is just as slow to act when Jews are being forcibly held and tortured and killed. Blood libel and ideas of the "doctor's plot" are alive and well.

Oct 7th triggered old trauma, Oct 7th was traumatic in its own right, and for most of us, Oct 7th proved that antisemitism isn't going anywhere. It isn't winding down or getting better.

And that kind of pain? That kind of trauma? That sticks with you.

You wouldn't tell any other person to get over their trauma. So what makes it ok to say it to traumatized Jews as we are still processing the largest massacre of Jews since the Holocaust?

That behavior is horrible and inexcusable.

Trauma is trauma, you don't get to decide who does or doesn't have the right to be traumatized. You don't get to decide how people discuss their trauma.

[junedenim]

library pictures

because it lasts longer

warnings: smut, oral (m & f), piv, nudes, etc.

word count: 5.2k

He's lost in you. Your body stretches out, lanky in form and tall—taller than him, which he supposes isn't saying much. You possess a certain quality that he hasn't seen before. Sure, there's beauty, that's undeniable. He's worked with a lot of beautiful models. Ones that have won the genetic lottery. But you have more than that.

There's little competition for your looks but the way you move, the way you gaze upon the camera, the way you made Jerry, the old bastard, laugh before you stepped in front of Alex's camera. He's never seen anyone do just that and he's worked with a lot of beautiful women.

Your hand skims up your body, sultry in action. Every way you move feels sultry like you're seducing the camera. The other girls beside you try, pushing their breasts forward to the camera showing the sexiness of the bras all the models are wearing but you lightly touch your shoulder and it's the hottest thing he's ever seen.

Alex tries his best to stick to the task at hand, looking at you through his camera's viewfinder, but it's so easy to get lost in your bent knee, so accidentally but so intentionally. Every move you make feels careless and calculated at the same time like you're trying to get a rise out of him, out of every man in the room. Singing chants to the people who see this ad, imploring them: you want to buy this lingerie because it's the closest thing you'll have of me. Alex feels he is slightly losing it but he doesn't mind it. It's so easy to take intense pleasure in this sight.

"Should we do solo shots?" Alex suggests. It wasn't in the instructions for the campaign. They wanted a group shot of all the girls in the colour variety of their lingerie sets. But Alex knows they got the shot 20 frames ago so he might as well indulge a little if they still have 45 minutes remaining.

His assistant shrugs, not that he has any say. Everyone else looks toward Alex for the decision, asserting him as the boss of the set. "You," he points, "in the white."

You point a finger at yourself just to be sure.

"Yeah. Why don't you go first?" The other girls scatter to the sidelines and you slowly move to the center mark. You're not even posing, just waiting for him to lift his camera back up, and you already look magnificent, foot beveled to the side, hands behind your back.

He looks on, not even raising the camera, just staring at the sight before him. You quirk a smile. "Take a picture. It'll last longer." You giggle at your own joke, tugging his heart down and making him fall further.

Alex does as you tell him, snapping away. You're loose and in action. He swears every frame is usable and he's never had that happen before and it'll probably never happen again. He doesn't want to move on. He wants to get every angle he can. Wants to see every inch. Feel every inch. Memorize every inch.

He doesn't want to move on but you've already hogged a decent portion of the shoot so when Jerry nudges him that they should move on, Alex nods and just says, "Who's next?"

But you don't leave. You wrap yourself in a silk robe that probably feels as soft as your skin. You sit on the sidelines, right in his periphery, impossible to ignore. He takes a picture of it and claims it to be a test shot as if he hasn't been shooting with this camera on this set for nearly an hour now.

He runs through the rest of the girls quickly with little care and little notice. He watches you as you watch the whole photoshoot. The other girls are talking or on their phones, but you're observing, which leads to your eyes eventually landing on his. You send a coy smile his way, leaning back in your chair. He attempts to hold himself in by sending a friendly smile back.

When it's a wrap, everyone moves to change and Alex works to put his equipment away. Your eyes linger on one another as if some unspoken agreement is being made. Alex packs up pretty quickly, his assistant will handle the rest so he has a goodbye to his team and heads outside.

He's thankful smoking gives him an excuse to linger outside the building, up against the brick wall as toothpick-thin models pour out of the building. He waits, taps his foot on the asphalt parking lot, and waits some more.

And then you come out in big Jackie O. sunglasses and a trench coat, already smoking a cigarette. "Join ya?" You request, your leather loathers skimming the pebbles on the ground.

"Please," Alex invites. You walk closer, standing in front of him at the wall. Your hip juts out and he wants to reach out and feel the curve of you. He's not being secretive in his stare. He knows that you know he's looking. "You're good," he compliments. He's not sure if it's for your modeling skills or your role as seductress, despite being all wrapped up now, he's still turned on just by your aura.

You flick your cigarette and tilt your head slightly. "At modeling? No, no, I'm still kind of new to this whole thing."

Alex exhales. "Could've fooled me. You had everyone's eyes in that studio."

You raise an eyebrow. "Including yours?"

Alex softly chuckles, mildly mortified. "I guess I wasn't too covert in my stare."

You grin, shaking your head. "I don't mind though. You're the photographer. You are the eye of the beholder. It's very complimentary to a model."

Gradually, you two have moved closer to one another. Your shoe hits his shoe and it's impossible it isn't intentional. "You said you're new to modeling?"

"Relatively," you answer.

"You could come back to my home studio, I'll take a few photos of you that you can add to your portfolio. If you want," Alex offers. His eyes are clearly telling a different story as he looks at you from top to bottom salaciously.

You nod slowly, a sly smirk spreading across your face. "Okay."

He drops his cigarette and plucks yours from between your fingers, joining his on the ground.

*

You wait behind him as he unlocks the front door. His place is bare just like you had imagined. There's little in the kitchen and he doesn't own a television. He has a shelf of books but it looks covered in dust. He guides you, up a small set of stairs and past his bedroom to his home studio.

Compared to the rest, it's a mess. There are various sets of lights pushed to the side of the room. He desperately needs more shelf space as his cameras and lenses overtake the room. There's a small grey backdrop, but it's been partially rolled up. He has a makeshift darkroom to the side, which seems to have been designed to be the guest bathroom, but his stuff has overtaken it.

Alex seems to go right to work as he picks up a camera and instructs you, "You can put your stuff over there," pointing to a small chair in the corner of the room. You place your bag down and throw your coat over the back of the chair.

"Is what I'm wearing fine?" You ask, dressed in a black long sleeve and jeans. You feel nervous under his gaze, it's become more critical as he holds a camera in his hands than it was outside.

But he smirks and nods. "For now." He directs you again, pointing over to the messed-up grey backdrop, "Stand over there."

He fiddles with the camera and you realize it's film compared to the digital you used for the ad campaign. "Do you usually shoot in film?" You ask.

Alex chuckles, amused for some reason. "Suppose I'm pretentious in that way. I like the idea of having no idea what you're taking until you develop it otherwise we'd be here all day with how overcritical I get." He runs a hand through his hair and he seems stressed by even the idea of shooting digitally.

"You seemed fine back at the studio," you tell him.

"I had a good model." The compliment gets you smiling and he snaps a picture before you're even ready for it. "You're a natural, you know."

You shrug. "I've never had any work done."

He throws his head back in laughter. "You know how fucking cute you are?" He snaps another photo. "I feel like I could stand here all day and I'd never catch a bad shot. The way you move your body is like art. Like I'm watching Venus de Milo in action."

"Does that mean I have no arms?"

Alex laughs again. "Fine. The Birth of Venus or something then, some Botticelli painting in the flesh."

"Does that mean I should be naked?"

He stops and drops the camera to his shoulders, revealing his eyes, blazed and focused. "I won't stop you."

You're slow-moving and sensual as you reach the bottom of your shirt, tugging the shirt off, throwing it off somewhere in the vicinity of the chair. Your bra—different from the one from the photoshoot—is sheer pink, giving thin exposure to your nipples. He snaps away quickly, not even looking at the viewfinder, staring straight on at you.

You slip your shoes off and start to unbutton your jeans when he holds his hand out. "Wait," he commands, "just like this for a second."

"Okay." The idea of being captured half-dressed at one time would have felt foreign but you're used to being shot in much less, although, it still feels weird to be considered hot. To have Alex's voice boom across the room to stay dressed and not strip down to your panties. To be seen as desirable in your jeans as you did in lingerie.

"Bend down." You follow his command, squatting down, and he walks forward, hovering above you. "Look up." Your eyes stare straight into the lens up into his soul. He snaps two photos of your eyes piercing into him.

You take action, reaching up, tugging on the belt loops of his jeans. He's both choked up, blood rushing by the movement, and unable to take enough pictures of it. You're below him, practically on the ground, yet, dominant and controlling, completely taking him over and holding him in your grasp, smashing him like berries in between your fingers.

"Hold still," he orders.

"Haven't you gotten enough photos?" You argue, eager for more.

He rests the camera at his side, taking a deep breath. "No, I'm just pretty sure if you move anymore I'm gonna cream my pants."

"I can tell." You rub a hand over the hardness formed in his pants.

He jolts back. "Fuck, you can't do that to me." He chuckles timidly and you can't help but join him, giggling with pride.

You reach out, curling around his belt loop again, and yanking him back to you. "Come on. You can make a photo essay out of it. Call it: 'How to Give a Blowjob 101.'"

"Fuck, okay, but I gotta put the camera down or else I'll drop it." He takes one more photo of you, gazing up, bottom lip between your teeth, before placing it on the floor.

You're fast. He undoes his belt and you pull down his zipper, reaching in and pulling him out. You stare up at him and he stares right back. You take him around your lips and Alex immediately throws his head back, eyes shut, a groan escaping his lips.

Alex reaches down, fingers threading through your hair, pushing you down onto him. You engulf him completely, your nose rubbing up against his stomach, choking on him. He lets go and you pull yourself off of him, salvia covering your lips. Your hand continues the work, rubbing him teasingly. You play with the head, which really seems to make him go wild as he mutters, "Fuck," and is unable to make eye contact with you.

You take him back in your mouth, your tongue licking at the head. He grabs a chunk of your hair, holding it tight in his grasp to simply have something to hold onto. He juts his hips toward you, shoving his cock deeper down your throat. It's easy to tell he's getting close by the rough pattern he's handling things, unintentionally forcing himself deeper into you.

He's moaning and his grip tightens even more. "Swallow it," he tells you as he pushes you closer and closer to him. He pushes you down one more time before erupting in your mouth and you take it completely, every drop. "Good, good." He pats your head, exasperated.

Alex catches his breath and then bends down to collect the camera. "Take your jeans off now," he says and raises his camera.

"You first," you counter, "equal opportunity." He gives a crooked smile before pushing his jeans off, leaving him in his underwear and shirt. He goes to shoot again and you instruct him, "And your shirt."

"Alright." He takes his shirt off, leaving both of you nearly bare. "Now, jeans. Off."

You stand with your back to him and shuffle out of your jeans. You're slow, as always, intentional in each movement, pulling him into your trap and capturing him. You kick them off to the side and look over your shoulder, he clicks away.

You reach up to your bra's straps, pulling them down. "Bra now?"

He nods. "Just like you did with the jeans. Taunt me."

"Is that some kink you have?" You obey and pull the straps off your arms first.

"I'm taking photos of you undressing, what do you think my kink is?"

You laugh and reach behind yourself, unclasping it, and just, carefully, slowly, pulling it off your body. "That good?"

Alex lacks a vocal response. He just nods.

Your hands tempt him, caressing your own body, pulling on the hemline of your panties. You look at him, questioning the removal, awaiting his response. He stays silent though, bending down, taking a picture of you from below, making you look even taller, towering on all the species on Mother Earth.

"You gonna go down on me now?" You ask.

He drops the camera into his lap. "Yeah, but take them off first." He pulls the camera back up.

You drop one side off your hips, then the other side, shuffling it down before it's at your feet, he takes another picture, you completely bare with your underwear at your feet before he puts the camera down and moves completely under you.

Every touch is teasing, not giving everything up at once. He touches you, runs his fingers through the folds making you shiver. Your spine feels tingles spread up it and you find it hard to stand as his mouth goes on you. Every movement eats away at you, your footing unsteady. His nails dig into your thighs holding you against him. You can’t help grinding against him, but he seems to like that if the satisfied sounds he makes are anything to go by.

He fucks you with his tongue, stroking your clit, teasing it, tugging it, pulling a string of vulgarities from your lips. “God,” you gasp, tugging on his hair, “higher,” and he shifts, accommodating, devouring and he doesn’t let you go until you've ridden out every wave, falling over him. Everything is overwhelming and unbearable but you're dying for more.

"Sit down," he directs you, pointing at the floor beneath you.

You listen, shaky in your movement, but he helps, taking your hand and carefully you kneel down onto the floor. "This good?"

Alex chuckles. "Whatever makes you comfortable. Sit back, we're not taking pictures anymore."

"You can if you want," you offer, completely bare, sopping in every aspect, your breath still laboured.

"Not unless you want to make a sex tape."

"Oh," you giggle, "I'll stick with eroticism photography."

"Fair enough." He smiles and it makes you buzz. "You'll be my pin-up girl."

You lift an eyebrow. "Your pin-up?"

Alex moves closer to you, hovering in front of your lips. "Yeah." His hand touches the small of your back, tingles running up your spine. "Lay back."

You do as he says, but reach up, rounding your arms around his neck and tugging him down with you, kissing him harshly. His body lays on top of you, his lips fight back violently. His skin is warm against you and you hold tight to keep his skin atop yours.

He reaches down in between your two bodies and lines his cock up, he pushes in a little then all at once. He's forceful and you're already hot and heavy in your breathing, sharing and mixing with one another. His hands move down, pinching a nipple on the way, and it's tremble-inducing.

You push up, rolling him onto his back. He watches you in awe, the way you arch your chest and throws your head back as you begin to ride him, your entire body moving rhythmically just like when he was photographing you. You have such grace in a moment that's so explicitly dirty. He is so captivated that you direct him, grabbing his arms and placing his hands on your hips, encouraging him to hold you and to speed up the pace if he wants.

And Alex does want. He wants to see you thrash and shake on top of him. He grabs your waist, his thumbs press into your hip bones to stall you, and then he's thrusting up into you, meeting your rocking hips harshly, pushing his cock as deep into you as he can get it.

You whine and bite down on your bottom lip to prevent moaning whimpers, and bucks your hips wildly, your skin slapping loudly against his as your bodies meet, connecting roughly in the most intimate way imaginable. Alex gains control of his movements, how his cock hits that spot deep inside of you so effortlessly. How quickly he's pushing you to the edge.

You reach down to pull one of his hands off your hip and bring it up to your chest, pressing it against one of your boobs and leaving it there, knowing he'll understand what to do. He cups your breast as he thrusts into your, massaging the mound before pinching your erect nipple between his thumb and index finger, tweaking it roughly as you bounce on top of him. You pant out and arch into his touch, unable to stop yourself.

You start to clench around him and you know you're getting closer and closer. He releases the boob he'd been grabbing and moves his hand down, pushing his fingers up against your clit making it nearly impossible to keep breathing. You're crashing, grabbing his shoulders to not completely fall over on top of him but he doesn't let up, keeps pounding up into you and flicking away at you.

Your head falls forward, your hair curtaining around you as you convulse. His eyes close and sucks in a deep breath. He wraps his arms around your back and he flips you over. Alex just stays there a minute, gazing down at you, brushing the stray hairs off your sweaty forehead before he leans down interrupting the roughness by kissing you sweetly.

You're still kissing when Alex starts to move his hips, gently pumping into you, pushing into you shallowly. Your wrap your legs around his waist and your heels dig into his ass, pulling him closer into you. He starts to speed up, his thrusts getting longer and harder, each time he thrusts. He kisses you again through it, his lips slipping and sliding over your as your bodies intertwine. He rests his arm on the sides of your head, getting a better position as he starts to push his cock into you, hitting harder and harder each time.

"I'm gonna come," he whispers to her, nuzzling his nose with yours as his hips start to get frantic.

"Me too," you mumble, tightening around him again.

"Fuck, okay." He sharpens his thrusts, determined to get you off before him.

He moves quickly, plays all the same tricks again, brushes away at your clit again, making your engulf him, whining and moaning. You scrap your nails down on him, arching right into him, chest-to-chest, coming uncontrollably.

Alex is ready to follow soon after, pulling out, giving himself a few pumps before he comes onto your stomach. He takes a few moments to collect himself before lying down beside you, heavy breathing in sync with one another.

“I’ve never done it on the floor before,” you say.

He chuckles, throwing his arm over his forehead, nestling his head in the crook of his elbow. “Really?”

You shake your head, smiling, amused by his laughter. “I’ve only ever done it in a bed.”

“Really?” He turns his head over, looking over at you.

You shrug, resting your hands on your stomach. “Do I strike you as some sexual adventurous being?”

He muffles his laugh. “I mean, yeah. You don’t have to be sexually adventurous to do it on the floor. You’re telling me you’ve never done it in the shower.”

“I’ve never fucked in the shower but, you know, orally.”

He rolls over onto his side. His hand reaches out grazing around your belly button. “Let me fuck you in the shower.”

“Now?” You question, still setting your heartbeat to a normal pace.

He closes in on you. His hot breath radiating down on your vulnerable skin. “Yeah, come on, let me fuck you in the shower.”

“Gimme a minute.” You push him back down onto his back but gaze over at him, focused on the angle of his jaw as he swallows, the bobbing of his Adam’s apple. “What about you? You’ve done it on the floor before?”

Alex nods. “Yeah. Never in here.” Understandably so. The floors are hard on your backs and if the sex wasn't so good it would have been a pain the whole time.

You lay on your stomach, resting your head on your folded arms beneath you. “Well, don’t I feel special?”

“You should. You are.” He reaches out, petting back your hair. His fingernails scratch down, pull hairs behind your ear, and lightly tug on your earlobe.

You roll your eyes. “Come on, how many women have you photographed in here?”

“A lot. Never fucked one in here.”

Fascinated, you ask, “You’re a photographer and you’ve never fucked a model?”

“Never said that. But it’s not a habit.” You don't mind, he's naked with you now and not them.

“What did your last girlfriend do?” He remains silent, lips sealed. “She was a model!”

He laughs at your enthusiasm. “In my defense, I never worked with her. We met through friends.”

Alex places his hand down on your back, rubbing up and down the spine so softly. “What about you? This a habit for you?”

“My ex-boyfriend used to take pictures of me, but he was a stockbroker.”

“How grandiloquent.” His language makes you want him more. Who knew big words could be such a turn on?

“How boring," you countered. All those dull men before...

“No kidding," he quips, "you never fucked on the floor.”

“Well, you never fucked on the floor in here.”

He rolls over again, inching over you. His face right down beside you as he pleads, “Then let me fuck you in the shower.”

You sigh, “Okay.”

*

It's almost terrifying how comfortable you become with one another. Well, if Alex didn't take nude photographs of you and have sex with you within hours of knowing each other, however, he starts having you over more and more and not just for sex and photos, although that does often occupy your time. There are the dinners, the movies, and meeting his friends. 

And if you didn't already want to be with him all the time as a boyfriend, he's a great not-for-hire publicist, talking you up to his friends, who are photographers, company owners, and casting agents. He talks about modeling like it's the greatest art form (that might have something to do with him being a photographer, but he insists otherwise) and he's always proper with his words, never talking of sexiness or desirability. His love for it is always nestled in the words of critique: "beautiful arches" "delicate lines" or "the way her face catches the light." It makes you laugh.

One morning, after you've slept over, and he's needy and doesn't want to part, you accompany him to a gig. It's some high fashion shoot and you walk in your clothes from yesterday and one of his jackets carrying his equipment as he sets it up. 

An older woman with a thick posh English accent approaches you, asking, "And who are you?"

You extend your arm out, pointing to Alex, telling her, "The magician's assistant." Alex is all agrin over this and will have you refer to him as the magician several times. You'll laugh at him every time. 

When you walk over, he tugs you into him, arm wrapped around your hips. "We should have you in a costume next time."

You roll your eyes and pull away from him, placing the equipment down on a table. "I think you prefer me in a lack of attire."

Alex tilts his head side-to-side. "Fair enough. I'm liking you in my jacket though."

You slide your hands in the pockets. "It's very cozy."

He gestures to the set in front of you. "I need a couple test shots. Why don't you?"

"And have the scary woman yell at me again?"

"You're the magician's assistant. Help me work my magic."

You do what he tells you, not without saying, "You're corny, you know that?"

"You'll love it. You do love it." You fake annoyance but the smile across your cheeks tells a different story. He gets you giggling with all this corniness and dad jokes galore. The photos come out all happy and commercial compared to the serious haute modeling that follows but Alex says they're his favourite from the day. You roll your eyes, but the smile still tugs on you.

*

"Come back to bed," you tell Alex. 

He stays still, towering above you, camera in hand. It's early in the morning, freshly awoken, still naked from last night's activities. "I have to take a picture. How can anyone not want to take photos of you all the time?"

You sit up, the sheet kicked off you, fully exposed. "Well, usually, they like to touch the real thing, especially when it's their girlfriend giving you full range."

He tosses his head back, dropping the camera over his junk. "You know just what to say to get me hard."

You giggle, wrapping a hand around his wrist and tugging on it. "Don't fool me with your morning wood."

Alex tosses back, "Who do you think gave me the morning wood?"

"Well, why aren't you giving it to me?" You lean back, pulling him over you, and the time to resist has fallen as he places the camera down on the bedside table and his lips on you. 

You reach down, picking up his hard cock, and guide to your pussy. He reaches down and runs his tip through your wet folds teasingly. "God, you feel good already."

"It gets even better inside," you urge him, desperate for him to enter you. He has you shuddering as he rubs his cockhead against your aching clit. You shiver and Alex moves his cock back toward your entrance, positioning the tip against your hole and teasing you, wanting you to beg. "Please."

He finally pushes you. "Jesus," Alex groans as he’s covered in your warmth. He pushes further, you taking more of his length. He's buried to the bottom of you, your thighs flush together as you both take a moment to gather your bearings and get used to this first feeling of the morning.

Alex swallows thickly and shifts his hips, falling just a little bit heavier onto you. He slowly starts to rock his hips against you. You grip his waist tight, wrapping your legs around him, countering his rhythm, pushing him into you. His thumbs leave imprints on your skin, guiding you up and back from him. He doesn't try to control you, though, just helps pick up speed as you get into a rhythm together. "I want to feel you come on my cock."

"You will," you moan, placing your palms flat against his back to have something to grip onto.

Alex picks up the pace again, his hips thrusting into you hard, making sure you feel him deeply. He hits that spot dead on, and then you're falling apart, coming around him, your walls tightening and gripping his shaft as your thighs shake, the orgasm overtaking you. 

"Oh, god," you moan, reaching up and gripping his hair to have some idea of an earthly possession.

His eyes are glued to your face, watching in astonishment every time you come around his cock. His hands help to hold himself inside you, his skin tingling. Your pussy throbs and vibrates around his cock, and he curls his toes, so close, wanting to hold on. You're both sweaty, completely spent as he ruts into you, his pumping getting a bit sloppy as he gets closer to the edge.

Alex leans back and hooks his arms under your thighs, and pulls you closer, tilting your body closer to each of his hits. It feels just right, bursts of light exploding behind his eyes as he comes into you. His cock swells against the vice grip you have on it before he shoots his cum deep inside you. You throb together. "Fuck," he groans, his voice straining and cracking. 

He stays inside of you, not wanting anything to leak. You're pressed up against each other like he's stamping you down like a wax seal and you're melting to the corners of him. You cradle his head, resting in the crook of your neck. He feels so good and he is so good. You cling to him.

Alex raises his head slightly, just to make eye contact. “I don’t want to move.”

“Then don’t,” you counter.

“You aren’t uncomfortable?”

You shake your head. “Not right now.”

“I’m not too heavy?”

You shake your head again. “No.” He rests back down, tired like he didn’t just get a full night’s sleep. “I’ll have to leave soon.”

“No,” he whines, his grip on your arms tightening. “It’s my day with you.”

“I’ll come back later tonight,” you promise, combing your fingers through his hair.

He groans in your neck. The vibrations rumble your insides. “I think you should ditch it and hang out with me all day. I’ll take just as many pictures.”

“You’re not paying me.”

“Isn’t my lovemaking paying enough?”

You laugh and then you lie smushed like that for just a little longer. 

*

a/n: all photography & model knowledge comes from america's next top model, which i do believe to be the top authority on things.

[cardboardheartss]

Hi, now since the election results are out. Can I ask like what will he the results after this if it makes sense. Is it going to get better or worse? I mean are there still any chances of seeing light? 🥲☝🏻

United States of America for the next 4 years under President Donald Trump Reading.

Overall affect on the USA

The Sun, KNoC rx, KNoS rx, The Lovers rx, KoS, 7oS rx, 10oW rx, 8oS, Empress

- what have y’all voted for?

I see that many people are going to regret voting for him! Like a lot of people! Mainly the ones who were boasting about it on social media and with people around them in general. It seems like Trump will also be deliberately and intentionally say very foul things about the people, I think I’m leaning heavily towards POC’s.

Looking at this… I do get the feeling that Trump will be implementing Project 2025. Seems like he is relied up, and really wants to get this project started. The lovers card… this could mean that, the first rule he implements could be toward the LGBTQIA + community and maybe one of the other rules, can also lead to the decline of relationships, mainly male and female relationships.

Even during his power, we will come across MAGA supporters who will still believe everything and anything Trump says, as they put him on a really high pedestal. OR! We could see more celebs, mainly leaning towards more Male celebrities in particular who will be exposed for endorsing Trump for these elections and help him gain connections for the ‘Red Mirage.’

Looks like whatever Trump is passing for the Project 2025 is going to be putting Americans through a lot of pain and exhaustion. Expect many people to work low wage jobs for income, getting sick from overwork and etc. I know this usually indicates a card for standing for oneself, but this just speaks volumes of how tired and restless Americans will be after protesting and fighting for the next 4 years.

My fellow American women… looking at these cards. You all will be the main targets and at a higher detriment to be honest. It seems like Trump is definitely going to seriously enforce Anti-Abortion laws, and it seems like if you go against it, you will be locked up or deal with serious consequences. With that being said, more kids will be born, but will be unloved and will not be used to the natural “Motherly affection.” that many of us were lucky to have. It’s really not looking good, for you guys specifically. Another thing, if any female experiences Rape or any abuse, there could be some issues with gaining justice because, whatever Trump implemented, it’s not going to benefit any female.

White Americas for the Next Four Years

PoW, 9oS rx, KoW rx, 6oW rx, The Moon rx, 2oP

The more Trump speaks, the more they’ll regret it. They could possibly feel the same pain that Democratic Black/POC voters feel right now. I see this could also be heavily influenced by the Anti-Abortion laws because even they themselves will not get an upper hand in this and will be like everyone else. I see that many White Americans are going to suffer financially, and will have to rely on buying cheaper stuff in general just for the sake of saving more money.

Hispanics/Latinas for the Next Four Years

3oC, QoW, PoS rx, The Emperor, 3oS, 7oC

I see in the beginning, as we have witnessed today. Many of them are Pro-Trump, and they are really proud of it, and I don’t see that ending anytime soon. They will still be proud of the decision they made, because I’m sorry, and no offense, but they all have their heads stuck in the clouds.

I also get the feeling that, when Trumps 4-years are over, they’re going to be a bit heartbroken and will have to obviously re-elect again, and I see them struggling to pick the right party for themselves. A lot of division still I see…

Asian Americans for the Next Four Years

The Magician, The Tower, The Star rx, PoP, QoP rx, KoP, QoS, AoP, QoC, 6oS, Judgement, 3oP

Woah?! It seems like there could be an end of rising Asian celebs in America? I see that Trump may ensure some cut ties between the industry and Asian people. I see that someone may be paid off to actually do this. Oddly enough, I see a fued between two Asian nationalities, or that some Republicans will somehow pay Asian countries or other countries to take back their people?

And I actually do see that happening. Many Asian Americans will be moving away from America and find other countries to relocate to, but I see many rejections from those countries. I believe they’ll reject them because, they’ll want to give the same energy back from what they receive from Asians themselves when traveling.

Or they could face rejection from their own kind in the Asian continent.

Arabs for the Next Four Years

WoF, 2oW rx, 3oW rx, 4oC rx, Strength, 5oS rx

It seems a bit moderate. I see that they really won’t have much luck in general, I see that initially they believe they made the right choice for voting for Trump. As time progresses, they’ll slowly regret their choice for Trump. I see that there could be a rise of Islamophobia and racism towards them, and they’ll actually all sit and realize what exactly African Americans have been complaining for, for decades and will understand how much work it takes to fight for your race and safety.

African Americans for the Next Four Years

10oC rx, 10oS, AoC rx, 4oW, The Hierophant, 8oP rx, 5oC, 7oP rx, The Chariot, KoC rx, Justice

Obviously… never ending cycle of racism and divided communities. I do see that many families will still be made, but the connections and the energies will not be positive at all. Many Black men will conform to whatever is being said by the Republicans. This will lead to a lot of conflict and anger, and many Black people will be dissatisfied with these type of Black People.

There will be a delay in their businesses, and more of them will be held back and forced to not work. The government will truly be working against them thee most. Oh and the Justice system… will not be for any of them. Which is why, it is important, MAINLY NOW, for Black people to have their own proof and evidence because if not, the judge will 10000% throw them in jail.

So get your own little dash cams, recording devices and space for any video proof just in case you’re in danger.

Native Americans for the Next Four Years

KNoP rx, The Devil, PoC rx

No progression at all! I see they’ll still be gambling, and relying on Government money. It’s possible that Trump will decrease the amount that they need. There will still be struggles with drug/alcohol addiction, and issues with relationships, and still high rates of women and children going missing. A lot of broken dreams and trauma just being passed down from one to another.

Continuations of people affected

Muslim Americans

Palestine + Non-Voters + Third Party Voters

Well… that was one stressful reading. I was getting headaches thee entire time. Apart from that, this reading is quite saddening you know. I just don’t understand how the world can still be so Anti-Black and misogynistic?

EVERY SINGLE AMERICAN had the opportunity, right now to have elected Mrs Kamala Harris as the 47th President of the USA, but no! Everyone chose who?? Trump! Now look what’s going to happen to everyone?

I am praying and hoping that this will be a wake up call for every single one of you, to just put race and gender aside and vote for your rights! Now look, the women and marginalized groups are going to suffer!

Wishing you all thee bestest of luck, and from a completely different continent, I apologize to my fellow gays and women. It’s truly going to be a hard time for you all.

Please! Choose wisely everyone!💙🥺

[lamenrising]

I feel like people that call Damen dumb for not figuring out what happened between the Regent and Laurent need to understand that he did know. The hints are carefully placed throughout the books. Pacat mentions that Damen is written like this for a purpose. He's not stupid. He can deduce that something happened to Laurent but he doesn't push. Even when his thoughts head towards a darker path he immediately blocks it out of his mind because just the thought of it is so unthinkable for him. What makes it more clear to me is when the Regent reveals what happened and Damen, without hesitation goes berserk and doesn't hesitate to try and kill him.

It is so important that Damen is written this way because he never tries to intrude or push Laurent to reveal what happened, even though he has an idea already. He is very conscious of Laurent's privacy and will never get him to do something he's not comfortable with. I'm aware people think Damen is a bit stupid or naive when it comes to trusting people. Given how he was in denial for a long time about Kastor's betrayal but I want people to understand that this is a cardinal part of his character. In my opinion, it is the trait that Laurent fell in love with the most. His determination and readiness to give his whole heart for the people he cherishes the most.

One more thing, Laurent always acknowledges how intelligent and cunning Damen is, he trusts Damen's feedback more than anyone else's. Laurent, in my opinion suspects that Damen already has an idea of what happened. In Kings Rising, when Laurent confesses to Damen that 'there has only been one other person', we can see Damen starting to realise. Anyway, I feel like I went a bit off topic but I just wanted to say that Damen is intentionally written like this. He is very perceptive and has a good read on people. He knows that Laurent has suffered abuse in the past but he has no intention of invading his privacy and is instead, content to never mention it until Laurent himself is ready to tell him. Even if Laurent is never ready Damen would not push him. Damen fell in love with Laurent not because of his trauma but because he came to know him as a person. Nothing will ever change that.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

kings rising highlights & annotations

chapters 16, 17, 18, & 19

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

Now those sentries flanked them. They were a permanent independent military garrison, the finest chosen from each of the provinces with scrupulous neutrality to serve a two-year term. They lived in the complex of supporting outbuildings, filling the barracks and the gymnasiums, where they slept and woke and trained with immaculate discipline. It was a soldier’s greatest honour to compete in the yearly games and be chosen from the best to serve here, to uphold the strict laws.

this feels like a parallel to akielion slavery, in a way? these are supposed to be some of the most honorable and strong people in the society, yet they’re subjugated in much the same way as slaves

‘You were jealous.’ ‘My father said that I had to learn to lead, not to follow.’

ongoing “kingdom or this” theme, choosing between being a indomitable ruler and being a vulnerable human person. damen has been on both extremes, a prince and a slave, and he needs to find something in the middle.

‘That’s Kydippe, she was Queen before Euandros. She took the throne from King Treus and averted civil war.’

hooray for women!

‘He looks like you.’ Thestos was carved in outline, holding a giant piece of masonry aloft. Laurent touched his bicep, then touched Damen’s. Damen let out a breath.

laurent is treasuring the last few moments he has with damen :(

‘These petulant remarks have never suited you. The mannerisms of a boy sit so unattractively on a man.’

not going to be a lot of analysis here. we all know how fucked up this guy is. in a way, the regent is the simplest character in the entire series.

‘You know, Nicaise really thought you would help him. He didn’t know your nature, that you’d abandon a boy to treason and death out of petty spite. Or was there some other reason you killed him?’

says the regent, who killed nicaise

'After all, you are an Akielon. There must be satisfaction to be had in getting the Prince of Vere under you. He is unpleasant, but that would barely register when you are rutting.'

“you like it simple” weaponized against damen

“you like it simple” weaponized against damen ‘He has freed Jokaste, because he knows that I would never trade a tactical advantage for a whore.'

there’s that misogyny we heard about

'And he has come here to give himself up for the child. He doesn’t even care whose child it is. He just knows it’s in danger,'

nicaise. just nicaise

‘He has knelt for me.’ The Regent said it in a calm, matter-of-fact voice, so that it didn’t penetrate at first. It was just a collection of words.

“it was just a collection of words” i have a feeling that this is how damen has avoided figuring it out sooner. intentionally not making inferences or connections, even if the words are being said. it’s similar to the way he probably suspected laurent of knowing the truth about him, but disregarded indicative phrases or foreshadowing. but now he has no choice but to understand.

In the panting silence of the hall, one of the kneeling sentries rose and began to speak. ‘You have drawn your sword in the Kingsmeet.’ Damen’s eyes locked on the Regent’s. Nothing mattered but a promise. ‘I’m going to kill you.’ ‘You have broken the peace of the hall.’ Damen said, ‘The moment you laid your hands on him, you were dead.’ ‘The laws of the Kingsmeet are sacred.’ Damen said, ‘I will be the last thing that you see. You will go to the ground with my blade in your flesh.’ ‘Your life is forfeit to the King,’ said the sentry.

really good writing here. love how it alternates between damen’s single-minded anger and the situation around him, using only the dialogue instead of environmental or emotional prose

Unlike Damen, it had only taken one of the Kingsmeet soldiers to restrain Laurent, his arms forced behind his back, his breathing shallow.

“the weaker man”

‘No,’ said Damen. ‘You heard what he did.’ Roughened, it came out of him. ‘You all heard him, are you going to let him do this?’

i think it’s really interesting and ironic that the people enabling this are supposedly the most honorable in the country. damen has given vere so much shit for its debauchery throughout the series and has regarded akielos as morally pure because it “treats its slaves well.” he’s figured out that he was wrong about most of this already, but this might put the final nail in the coffin. the worst thing imaginable, to the point that damen actively avoided entertaining the notion of it, is not condemned by the akielon justice system. the law protects the regent and punishes damen here, even though the regent is a terrible person and damen is doing the right thing. also cool how this foreshadows attorney damen.

‘Come, nephew,’ said the Regent. They went.

don’t need to analyze laurent here. i’ve already done it in chapters that foreshadow this moment. just going to quarantine it to the page and move on

‘I know you felt something for him. If you are going to be sick, do it quickly. We have to go. There will already be men coming to find us.’

shut the fuck up nikandros

Through the haze he heard Jord’s voice. ‘You left him? You saved your own life and left him with his uncle?’

shut the fuck up jord

Jord said, ‘You coward, you left him to—’ The words were abruptly cut off as Nikandros took hold of Jord and slammed him back against the wagon. ‘You will not speak that way to our King.’

shut the fuck up nikandros and jord

Released, Jord was panting slightly. ‘He wouldn’t have come back alone. If you think that, you don’t know him.’

damen never said that he did

What would Laurent do? He knew what Laurent would do. Stupid, mad Laurent had sacrificed himself. He had used the last piece of leverage he had: his own life. But Damen’s life was valueless to the Regent.

and laurent’s life is valueless to laurent. but clearly not to jord or damen or paschal or loyse or the soldiers or victims whose lives he has protected

He felt the limits of his own nature, which too easily swung to anger, and the need—stymied by circumstance—to bring about the Regent’s death. All he wanted was to take up his sword and cut a path into Ios.

he likes it simple. this isn’t simple. so what’s the opposite of simple, then? what would laurent do? what is the approach that ISN’T just ripping the grate out of the wall? guess we're about to see.

‘He thinks he’s alone,’ he said.

for a long time, yeah. until he got stuck with you. which he hated at first, because he felt an irrepressible connection to his worst enemy (the mutual moral arbitration and “yes and”ing of books 1 & 2), but ended up treasuring your connection so deeply that he made himself alone again to save you.

It was what he liked, public humiliation coupled with private chastisement, his reality validated by all those around him.

1) parallel to kastor sending damen to be a slave 2) akielion slavery except it’s seen as honorable which is somehow even more humiliating than forced submission, and there’s nothing to chastise bc they’re groomed to not have opinions. but spot on with “reality validated by all those around him”—the strong over the weak, as a sign of status and power. it’s all the same.

‘You’re right, I can’t fight my way in.’ From the beginning he had been a tool, a weapon to be used against Laurent. The Regent had used him to hurt, to unsettle, to shake Laurent’s control; and finally, to destroy him. ‘I know what I have to do,’ he said.

damen is going to play this veretian game of mock trial and win

He expected to be challenged at the outer gates by soldiers warned and wary, on the lookout for him. But perhaps they were on the lookout for Damianos, the arrogant young King at the head of his army, not a single man in an old worn cloak, a hood that came down over his face, and sleeves to hide his arms. No one stopped him.

this entire thing is a long-awaited subversion of damen to be more like laurent. all the things he hated about laurent, claimed not to understand in previous books, he’s now embodying in this plan, because he understands laurent and why he’s developed these mechanisms in the first place. and he can finally see how coming at issues with this sort of deceptive, restrained, and calculated approach can be extremely effective, especially when everyone—including laurent—expects the opposite from him.

laurent, despite everything, does not expect damen to be able to solve this problem. he can’t just throw a sword at it or rip it out of a wall. damen likes it simple. but what laurent doesn’t understand is that damen loves laurent more than he likes it simple, and that means he’s willing to endure complication in order to protect him. something that laurent has gotten very good at doing for others, but wishes for no one to return. it’s a good thing, then, that damen has never done the things laurent has wished for him to do.

And when he turned the first corner, he saw the palace as everyone saw it: disorientingly, from the outside. There, small as specks, were the high open windows and long marble balconies that invited the sea air in during the evening to cool the baking stone. To the east was the long, columned hall and airy upper quarters. To the north, the King’s quarters, and the high-walled gardens, with their shallow steps and winding paths and the myrtle trees planted for his mother. Memory was sudden; long days training on the sawdust, evenings in the hall, his father presiding from the throne, himself walking those marble halls with surety and unconcern, an unreal former self, who spent evenings in the great hall laughing with friends, being served as he wished by slaves.

he is finally approaching his home as a man and not a king, and understanding how the privilege he’s always felt was an entitlement resting on the backs of people subjugated to maintain it

A yapping dog cut across his path. A woman with a parcel under her arm jostled him, then shouted at him in southern dialect to watch where he was going.

dogs don’t care that you’re the prince. an oblivious random person running an errand doesn’t care that you’re the prince. no wonder laurent mainly has gotten along with animals and oblivious random people in these books. both damen and laurent have been held captive by their own roles as people in power, and they can free each other by unifying the kingdoms and changing what being a person in power MEANS.

He kept walking. He passed the outer homes, with their small windows of differently sized rectangles and squares. He passed the outer storehouses, the granaries, a stone revolving on a millbase, pushed by oxen. He passed the shouts of a dozen market stalls that were all selling fish, pulled from the ocean in the pre-dawn. He passed the traitor’s walk, thick with flies. He scanned the tops of the spikes, but the dead were all dark-haired. A burst of a cavalcade came trotting out on horses. He stepped to the side; they trotted past him, red-cloaked and regimented, without a second glance. It was all uphill in the city, because the palace was built on the peak, with the sea at its back. He realised as he walked that he had never done this on foot before. When he reached the palace square, a feeling of disorientation came over him again, because he only knew the square from the opposite angle: as a view from the white balcony, where his father used to emerge sometimes to raise a hand and address the crowd.

after a lifetime of limiting his own perspective to maintain systems of power and his illusion of personal peace, damen finally watches the road. and the palace—literally held above the rest of akielos to be his home as rightful king—doesn’t feel like home anymore.

‘Halt,’ said the guard. ‘State your business, traveller.’ He waited, until he had the eyes of everyone near the gate on him, then he let the hood of his cloak fall back. He heard the shocked murmurs, the outbreak of sound as he spoke, his words, clear and unmistakable. ‘I am Damianos of Akielos, and I surrender to my brother.’

starting out the laurentian problem solving speedrun by literally doing what laurent did with the regent (kastor is thematically damen’s regent). honestly genius, both on damen’s part and pacat’s.

If it worked, if he was in time—how long could a trial last? How long could Laurent stall for time?

damen assuming that laurent would even bother to stall… i don’t think that’s how laurent works, given his internal narrative during the torture scene. in that scene, he persisted because he knew that the survival and victory of people he cared about hinged on his survival. in this scene, laurent believes that the survival and victory of people he cares about hinges on his death, so it’s pointless to put up a fight. (“objection!” says damen)

He needed them to take him into the hall to face Kastor. He had given up his freedom for that single chance, gambling everything.

kastor, who had made damen a slave in the first place. damen understands the exact kind of cruelty kastor is capable of, his overwhelming desire to make himself the stronger man over damen. he finally accepts that this cruelty and victimhood exist because he saw it in the regent and laurent. even if he’s unwilling to admit it about kastor and himself, he knows. and that’s why he came up with this plan in the first place.

He sat under guard on one of the low seats and didn’t scream in frustration, as time passed, and then more time.

classic damen understatement <3

One was an officer. Another carried irons. He stopped dead when he saw Damen. ‘Cuff him,’ said the officer.

buddy i think there’s one in the way

The soldier holding the irons didn’t move, his wide eyes staring at Damen. ‘Do it,’ came the order. ‘Do it, soldier,’ said Damen.

this is a big moment, i think, relating to the “honor in submission” theme. the intentional appearance of submission in order for damen to reclaim his power. i said this maaaany annotations ago, but damen and laurent’s experiences with trauma in these books are on different timelines. laurent is nursing years of trauma, and knows how to use the appearance of his victimhood to his own advantage. but damen’s trauma is extremely fresh, and thus far he’s only been able to deny it, become disoriented by it, or lose himself in it. but now, almost like an echo of a younger laurent biding his time and committing to the bit in the regent’s court, damen is figuring out how to let his trauma work for HIM.

This was a complex political proposition for the soldiers.

i guess they like it simple (i'm never letting that line go)

The first person to recognise him was a household official carrying a vase which smashed, dropping from his hands.

okay, dramatic.

A slave, caught in a crisis of etiquette, fell half to his knees and then stopped, agonisingly uncertain whether he should complete his prostration.

i adore this subtle moment of a slave seeing royalty in a position like theirs and reconsidering whether they actually need to kneel in the first place

And there wasn’t one throne on the dais, there were two. Kastor and the Regent sat side by side, presiding over the hall.

wrong unification!

It was strange—he had waited for so long to face Kastor, and now he found him simply extraneous. The Regent was the sole intrusion, the sole threat. Kastor looked satisfied. He didn’t see the danger. He didn’t understand what he had let into Akielos.

of course, damen still can’t Notice everything quite yet. but he’ll get it eventually

Alive, alive, Laurent was alive. Damen’s heart leapt, and for a moment he just stood and drank the sight in, giddy with relief.

how far we’ve come :’)

He was still wearing the short Akielon chiton that he had worn to the Kingsmeet, but it was dirty and ripped. Skimpy and showing the signs of rough wear, it was a humiliating garment for him to stand in before the Council.

obvious, but this is a foil to his veretian clothing which signified confidence and invulnerability

Like Damen, he had his hands chained behind his back.

are they both double-cuffed on one wrist

The physical act of standing for hours in irons must be taking its toll, the sheer ache of muscle exhaustion, the rough treatment, and the examination itself, the Regent’s questions, and Laurent’s steady, determined answers.

i think damen’s projecting here. when he was in this position, he had given steady determined answers. he had experienced and withstood exhaustion rough treatment and examination. the sympathy he feels towards laurent at this moment is really sympathy he hasn’t been able to fully give himself, because he has always been unable and unwilling to truly accept himself as a victim.

But he wore the clothes and the chains with disregard, his posture, as ever, coolly untouchable. His expression could not be read, except for, if you knew him, the courage that he sustained though he was alone, and tired, and without friends, and he must know that it was close to the end.

but this is how laurent differs from how damen perceives himself, in this position. laurent’s pride means nothing to him, as long as his submission means that the people he cares for are saved. damen’s pride means everything to him, and i think even now he’d say so. but the thing is, that we saw how damen was just as willing to lower himself to protect the akielion slaves in book 1. damen is so fascinating as a narrator because he does not understand himself at all, but we as the reader can understand him perfectly based on the things he chooses to acknowledge or ignore. frustrating to read at times, but the exact narrator this series needs. these books would not work nearly as well with laurent as full-time narrator.

It was clear from the open look of horrified recognition on Laurent’s face that he had not expected Damen—that he had not expected anyone.

laurent’s not stalling, the regent is dragging this out to torture him

On the dais, Kastor made a small gesture to the Regent, as if to say, You see? I have had him brought for you.

the only thing kastor can actually get credit for doing independently in this entire series was making damen a slave and sending him to vere, and i’m pretty sure that was jokaste’s idea in the first place

(edit from future sam: i know he also killed the king. it comes up later)

‘No,’ said Laurent, swinging his gaze back to his uncle. ‘You promised.’

laurent immediately assumes that the regent somehow made this happen, rather than damen doing it of his own free will. ow.

‘This is Damianos of Akielos. He was captured at the gates this morning. He’s the man responsible for the death of King Theomedes, and for my nephew’s treason. He is my nephew’s lover.’

of course the regent (and kastor) took advantage of damen’s “weakness” and spun it to make themselves look powerful, which puts damen in the perfect place to turn the tables. damen didn’t even really intend for this to happen, consciously i think he surrendered out of desperation more than any rational plan, but SUBconsciously this was literally the perfect move. and we’re about to see damen slowly realize this, and pick up steam as he figures out exactly how he can leverage and subvert this perceived weakness to get what he wants. just like laurent!!!

He had not been brought here to face Kastor or to answer for their father’s death. He had been brought here as a final piece of evidence in Laurent’s trial.

the first time the regent used a captive damen against laurent, damen refused to play along. this was an unexpected response by both the regent and laurent, and it bought d&l necessary time to become stronger in each other’s company.

now, the regent is once again using a captive damen against laurent. but this time, damen decides to play the game too. his willing cooperation in the trial the regent has created is within itself unexpected defiance, and that’s why we love damianos of akielos both as a person and as a really fucking well-written character. he has grown and changed in so many satisfying ways throughout the series, but the defining strengths of his character—willful and defiant integrity—have always been consistent. “i speak your language better than you speak mine, sweetheart.” = “i’ll cooperate in the trial you’ve rigged to your own advantage, and i’ll win.”

Mathe gestured to Damen. ‘Now we see the proof of all these claims. Damianos, the prince-killer, is here, giving the lie to all the Prince has been saying—proving once and for all that they are in league. Our Prince lies in the depraved embrace of his brother’s killer.’

sounds like mathe didn’t put in the effort and/or critical thinking to properly understand the captive prince series by cs pacat

He was suddenly an exhibit, a kind of proof none of them had imagined: Damianos of Akielos, captured and bound.

full circle babyyyy

‘Nephew, Damianos is restrained. You can speak honestly. You are safe from harm.’ Laurent weathered the slow, caring touch, as the Regent said, gently, ‘Is there some explanation? Perhaps you were not willing? Perhaps he forced you?’ Laurent’s eyes met his uncle’s. Laurent’s chest rose and fell shallowly under the thin white fabric of the chiton. ‘He didn’t force me,’ said Laurent. ‘I lay with him because I wanted to.’

BIG LAURENT MOMENT!!!! “i am not a victim! i did this by choice because i wanted to do it, and i will not lie even if the truth makes me look weak!”

we can see exactly how damen has influenced laurent in this moment. there is no strategic advantage to being honest or blunt here. in fact it invites the very things laurent fears—perceived weakness, shame, uncertainty. the regent is giving him a chance to perhaps save himself, by blaming damen and seeing him punished instead—an option laurent did not think was previously available to him. but laurent does not consider this for a second, and instead does the exact opposite of what his uncle truly wants and expects him to do: he KEEPS IT SIMPLE. laurent cooperates with the image the regent is creating of him, and both we and laurent know that IS defiance. because for maybe the first time ever, laurent knows without a doubt that the image the regent portrays of him isn’t fucking true. he knows that with damen, unlike the regent, he wasn’t a victim. he was willing, he was not forced, and unlike his early stunts in vere, he is not allowing the implication that damen assaulted him to stand. he isn’t hiding or lying or restraining himself. he's not using the way people perceive him as weak to his advantage. laurent has committed to many bits in his life, and when convenient those bits have been some complicated semblance of reality. but this is the first time that laurent simply commits to the TRUTH.

(i love this scene so much. it’s all synthesized so well. it’s a perfect demonstration of how damen and laurent have have changed themselves and each other for the better. i have complaints about this book more than the others, but the trial is fantastic.)

Damen could feel it: in a day’s worth of questioning, this was the first admission.

THAT’S WHAT I JUST SAID!!

‘You don’t have to lie for him, Laurent,’ said the Regent. ‘You can tell the truth.’

even if laurent doesn’t know it yet, he isn’t just doing this for damen—he’s doing it for himself!

‘I don’t lie. We lay together,’ said Laurent, ‘at my behest. I ordered him to my bed. Damianos is innocent of all the charges brought against me. He suffered my company only under force. He is a good man, who has never acted against his own country.’

the self loathing runs deep but still this is a laurent w!!!! the truth is that he hates himself, but at least he’s owning it, and specifying that his self-hatred has fuckall to do with the dumb bullshit the regent is accusing him of. all while being a better version of himself, defending damen in a situation where he had perviously maligned him, which he would not have grown enough to do without damen’s company!!!

‘And what am I accused of? That I have lain with Laurent of Vere?’ Damen’s eyes raked the Council. ‘I have. I found him honest and true. He stands before you wrongly accused. And if this is a fair trial, you will hear me.’

perfect. he knows it isn’t a fair trial, just as he knew it wasn’t fair for him to be punished instead of the regent at the kings meet, just as he now understands that the slavery system in akielos is neither fair nor just. the “good vs nice” theme has finished marinating, and now damen is using the false niceties of his society to do good, basically calling the regent and kastor’s bluff. “IF this is a fair trial, you will hear me.” = “in order for you to maintain the power you’ve been given by the system, you will have to let me to use the system to challenge your power”

‘You will hear me,’ said Damen. ‘You will hear me, and if when you have heard me you still find him guilty, then I will meet my fate alongside him. Or does the Council fear the truth?’

this is his true calling. let’s be so fucking real. i’ve never even jokingly called damen a himbo for a reason, and that reason is that he’s extremely good at thinking critically and constructing compelling arguments if he just lets himself acknowledge reality.

The Regent said, ‘By all means, speak.’ It was a challenge. To have Laurent’s lover in his power pleased the Regent, as a demonstration of his larger power. Damen could feel that. The Regent wanted Damen to entangle himself, wanted a victory over Laurent that was total. Damen drew in a breath. He knew the stakes. He knew that if he failed, he would die alongside Laurent, and the Regent would rule in Vere and in Akielos. He would have given over his life and his kingdom. He looked around at the columned hall. It was his home, his birthright, and his legacy, more precious to him than anything. And Laurent had given him the means to secure it. At the Kingsmeet he could have left Laurent to his fate and ridden back to Karthas and his army. He was undefeated on the field, and not even the Regent would have been able to stand against him. Even now, all he had to do was denounce Laurent and he could face Kastor with a real chance of taking back his throne.

every time damen has had a moment like this, his integrity and honor have prevailed. even when he HATED laurent and would have benefited directly from his assassination, he had intervened because he thought it was a dishonorable attempt on laurent’s life. and then he’d left against his own instincts, because he did not respect or know laurent and laurent did not respect or know him. in book 2 he had many moments like this, and had all but admitted to himself that he was not willing or able to take them. even when they were divorced in the first part of this book, when laurent was actively antagonizing him out of spite, damen never let nikandros or anyone else intervene.

now, after everything they’ve been though? this isn’t even a fucking question. if it’s damen we’re talking about, when it really comes down to this question, it never really has been.

But he had asked himself the question in Ravenel, and now he knew the answer. A kingdom, or this.

committing to the bit, once and for all.

‘I met the Prince in Vere. I thought as you did. I didn’t know his heart.’ It was Laurent who said, ‘No.’ ‘I came to learn it slowly.’ ‘Damen, don’t do this.’ ‘I came to learn his honesty, his integrity, his strength of mind.’ ‘Damen—’ Of course Laurent wanted everything done his own way. But today it was going to be different.

their conflict is their love!!!!!!!! they challenge each other to be better, and the world becomes a better place because of it!!!!!!!!

‘I was a fool, blinded by prejudice. I didn’t understand that he was fighting alone, that he had been fighting alone for a very long time. ‘And then I saw the men he commanded, disciplined and loyal. I saw the way his household loved him, because he knew their concerns, cared for their lives. I saw him protect slaves. ‘And when I left him, drugged and without friends after an attack on his life, I saw him stand up in front of his uncle and argue to save my life because he felt he owed me a debt. ‘He knew that it might cost him his life. He knew he’d be sent to the border, to ride into the very same plot to kill him. And he still argued for me. He did it because it was owed, because in the very private code with which he ran his life, it was right.’ He looked at Laurent, and he understood now what he had not understood then: that Laurent had known who he was that night.

you should try re-reading the series damen, it’s craaaaaazy when you know the twist

Laurent had known who he was and had still protected him, out of a sense of fairness that had somehow survived what had happened to him.

damen and laurent have different traumas, but this description applies to both of them perfectly. from the moment they met each other, they were no longer suffering alone. even if they hated that fact sooooo bad.

‘That is the man you face. He has more honour and integrity than any man I have ever met. He is dedicated to his people and his country. And I am proud to have been his lover.’

Damen said it with his eyes on Laurent, willing him to know how much he meant it, and for a moment Laurent just gazed back at him, his eyes blue and wide.

just had to get a “he gazed” in there. wouldn’t be lamen without it

The Regent’s voice interrupted. ‘A heartfelt declaration is not evidence. I am afraid to say that there is nothing here to change the Council’s decision. You offered no proof, only accusations of an unlikely plot against Laurent, with no hint as to who the architect of it might be.’ ‘You are the architect,’ said Damen, lifting his eyes to the Regent, ‘and I do have proof.’

LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOO!!!!!

‘I call Guion of Fortaine to speak.’

obsessed with how damen just immediately launched into defense attorney mode. did he do like mock trial as a teenager.

‘Very well,’ the Regent said, leaning back in his seat and gesturing to the Council. Then they had to wait, while runners were sent to the place on the outskirts of the city where Damen had told his men to camp. The Councillors got to sit down, and so did the Regent and Kastor. Lucky them.

oh that “lucky them” is so telling. damen is PISSED. we know this because he’s usually the king of understatement and underreaction in his narration, but is being salty about this minor inconvenience. imagine how he’s going to be with the the regent, if inconvenience gets such a reaction

Not only Guion, but all the members of Damen’s party: Guion’s wife, Loyse, looking white-faced, the physician Paschal, Nikandros and his men, even Jord and Lazar. It meant something to Damen that he had given each of them the option to leave, and they had chosen to stay with him. He knew what they risked. Their loyalty touched him.

except you, guion.

He knew that Laurent didn’t like it. Laurent wanted to do everything alone. But it wasn’t going to be like that.

lamen truly is the love story for me. it’s not enough for a romantic interest to be like “you’re not alone uwu <3” with such gentle softness that their partner finally believes it. it’s gotta be like “i’m not going to let you believe that you’re alone just so you can reinforce your own self-protective/destructive trauma responses. you’re loved, i brought receipts, deal with it” to truly hit

(which is interesting, esp with the series’s themes of coercion and free will! in a lot of ways it is a relief for someone to ignore your protests and boundaries, when they truly do mean well and want to help you and know what’s good for you. it’s just that most people who are forceful and coercive don’t have those intentions, or don’t actually know what they’re talking about. but this is a rare but earned moment where we know that damen is right, that laurent’s beliefs about himself should be challenged, and that they both will be better for it. they’ve always challenged each other in many ways, and throughout the series they’ve been making their way to being truly balanced in terms of power dynamics. laurent knew that damen had killed his brother the whole time he was antagonizing damen, but they still weren’t on even footing. damen eventually learned the truth about laurent’s awareness of his identity, but they still weren’t on even footing until they actually dealt with the baggage involved. in that one sex scene where damen took total control, i commented on how it felt like laurent wasn’t really letting himself be present, and damen lost himself in something that wasn’t there. but then in the following sex scene, laurent made SURE to be present. it's always been slightly uneven with them, up to the point where laurent freed jokaste and gave himself up to the regent. he's always had a lie of some kind to hide himself behind, to isolate himself with. but not now. he's not alone, and damen is not going to let laurent tell himself that he is. damen pushes past laurent's boundaries and within this narrative it's a good thing, and that is a huge part of the fantasy of captive prince and lamen's relationship. because we know that damen truly loves and cares for laurent and is doing this for his sake, and the core of their relationship is willingly challenging each other and allowing themselves to be challenged.)

Mathe resumed his role as questioner as the spectators craned their necks, disliking the columns because they obstructed the view.

‘Laurent of Vere is guilty of every charge brought against him,’ said Guion.

raise your hand if you’re surprised. nobody but damen should have a hand raised rn

‘You swore to tell the truth,’ said Damen. No one was listening to him.

two steps forward one step back with damen thinking the best of people who don’t deserve it. although i guess that’s what made lamen possible, because most people would not have reconsidered laurent after the shit he pulled in book 1. i say again, this series would not work with a non-damen protagonist

‘He tried to coerce me to lie for him. He threatened to kill me. He threatened to kill my wife. He threatened to kill my sons. He slaughtered his own people at Ravenel. I would vote him guilty myself, if I were still a member of the Council.’

guion you got your son killed, after inviting the regent to [redacted] him. sit down.

It had a symbolic power, the six of them standing on one side of the hall, and Laurent—in his thin, tattered Akielon clothing held in the grip of his uncle’s soldiers—on the other. Laurent spoke. ‘No final advice? No uncle’s kiss of affection?’ ‘You had so much promise, Laurent,’ said the Regent. ‘I regret what you became more than you do.’ ‘You mean that I’m on your conscience?’ said Laurent. ‘It hurts me,’ said the Regent, ‘that you feel such animosity towards me, even now. That you tried to undermine me with accusations, when I have only ever wanted the best for you.’ He spoke in a saddened voice. ‘You should have known better than to bring Guion to testify against me.’ Laurent met the Regent’s eyes, standing alone before the Council. ‘But uncle,’ said Laurent, ‘Guion isn’t who I brought.’

it’s like we’re in book 1 again. ahem. laurent: have you had your fun? don’t you want to taunt me one more time? regent: you already hate yourself more than i ever could. if you had just submitted to me, things would be better for us both. laurent: you’re the reason i hate myself. you did this to me. regent: if you understand the power i have over you, you really should have known better than to fight against me alone. laurent: i’m not fighting alone.

as always, i don’t remember exactly how much of this has been intentional on laurent’s part. had he counted on damen bringing loyse? i don’t think so, right? he really had meant to die, but now that the game has changed (damen is here, he’s brought the squad) laurent is back to planning, and has been since the moment their involvement was accepted. he even had time to think it through, which is like the most dangerous resource to give laurent!

‘He brought me,’ said Guion’s wife Loyse, stepping forward.

fucking GENIUS on cs pacat’s part. i wrote a long post months ago about women in capri, but like the gist of it was that there are normal rational compassionate people, women and otherwise, in this world, but we just haven’t gotten to be around them. because most of the people in power, and therefore the ones featured most prominently, are corrupt out-of-touch assholes. and the members of this series’s cast who don’t fall under this description exist to supplement damen and laurent’s insane dynamic. so it is genius to pull in this seemingly insignificant grieving woman whose motivations and emotions are simple, raw, understandable, and thematically linked to laurent and damen’s experiences with the regent as the person who ultimate seals the textually misogynistic regent’s fate. it’s not just about gender, or even primarily about gender—it’s about empowering the disempowered.

‘I have something to say. It’s about my husband, and this man, the Regent, who has brought my family into ruin, and who ended the life of my youngest son, Aimeric.’

YES.

‘Loyse, what are you doing?’ said Guion, as all of the hall’s attention riveted on Loyse. She paid him no attention, but continued to walk forward until she stood alongside Damen, addressing her words to the Counci

YEESSSSSS!

‘In the year after Marlas, the Regent visited my family in Fortaine,’ said Loyse. ‘And my husband, who is ambitious, gave him leave to enter the bedroom of our youngest son.’

the amount of contempt in “my husband, who is ambitious”…

Guion was looking from Loyse to the Council, and he gave a laugh, braying and too loud. ‘You can’t be giving credence to any of this.’

a foil to damen and laurent in this setting. immediately dismissing the testimony of his partner in favor of his own pride and status. stay classy, guion

No one answered, the silence uncomfortable. Councillor Chelaut’s gaze shifted for a moment to the young boy sitting beside the Regent, his fingers sticky with powdered sugar from the sweetmeats.

the poetic irony of this normalized part of the regent’s court turning the court against him when viewed in a new light, or just called out at all, especially by a woman whose son he abused!!!

‘I know that no one here cares about Aimeric,’ said Loyse. ‘No one cares that he killed himself at Ravenel because he couldn’t live with what he had done.'

parallel to damen defending laurent, except she does think he was alone. which is so deeply sad, and pretty much true.

‘So let me tell you instead about what Aimeric died for—a plot between the Regent and Kastor to kill King Theomedes and then to take his country.’

the truth is terrible, but it also empowers loyse to enact change. things can’t be better until we see them for what they really are. i’d say that’s a major series theme when it comes to relationships and politics.

‘These are lies,’ Kastor said in Akielon, and then he said it again in thickly accented Veretian. ‘Arrest her.’

seems like damen speaks better veretian than kastor, if kastor’s is deeply accented. kastor stays losing!

It was plain from Kastor’s face that he had realised for the first time that he was not in control of the hall.

shifts of power truly are the powerhouse of the captive prince series. both in a narrative way and a horny way

‘Arrest me, but not before you’ve seen the proof.’ Loyse was pulling a ring on a chain from her gown; it was a signet ring, ruby or garnet, and on it was the royal crest of Vere. ‘My husband brokered the deal. Kastor assassinated his own father in exchange for the Veretian troops you see here today. The troops he needed to take Ios.’

i’m going to be so real, it’s been months since i read prince’s gambit, but i’m pretty sure the signet ring was foreshadowed. which… holy shit. laurent hadn’t expected all the damen stuff to happen, but i’m pretty sure he had been priming this piece of ammo against the regent the entire time. he’d just thought that he’d lost the opportunity to use it when giving himself up, or had given up sooner than that. or had he only learned this from loyse after aimeric’s death?? idk maybe the book will tell me now. i hope it does bc i do not feel like digging back for foreshadowing i’ve been doing this for hours

wait no FUCK the ring was for nikandros!!! right???? yes it has to be. it couldn’t have been both things at once, and loyse telling laurent only makes sense after aimeric’s death. so yes the signet was foreshadowed, but it was a different use of it. although i guess the existence of a signet ring holding significance was foreshadowed partially so it would work again here.

‘She’s not a traitor. She’s just confused. She’s been deceived, and coached, she’s been upset since Aimeric died. She doesn’t know what she’s saying. She’s being manipulated by these people.’

“she doesn’t know what she’s doing. she’s being forced. she’s a victim, because we’ve made her a victim.” FUCK NO!!! we’re not doing that anymore!!!!

Herode and Chelaut wore expressions of repressed distaste, even revulsion. Damen saw suddenly that the obscene youth of the Regent’s lovers had always been repellent to these men, and the idea that the son of a councillor had been used in this way was disturbing to them beyond measure.

could have been way more disturbing way sooner, but better late than never ig

But they were political men, and the Regent was their master.

POWER SHIFTS! POWER RESTING ON THE SUBJUGATED CAN BE TOPPLED AT ITS FOUNDATIONS!

He was right, Damen realised. Laurent hadn’t brought Loyse to clear his own name, but to clear Damen’s. There was no proof that would clear Laurent’s name. The Regent had been too thorough. The palace assassins were dead. The assassins from the road were dead. Even Govart was dead, cursing boy pets and physicians.

maybe. just maybe. you both are good and both deserve to be happy. at the same time. your names can both be cleared. we are so close.

“boy pets and physicians” ironically the two things that end up getting the regent convicted

They were connected in some way. He was suddenly sure of it. Whatever Govart had known, Nicaise had known it too, and the Regent had killed him for it. And that meant— Damen was pushing himself up abruptly.

i LOVE how damen pieces this together. it wasn’t a laurent machination, the laurent machination had been to save damen alone. but damen said “no, laurent needs to be saved too.” and figures out a convoluted thing that even laurent hadn’t clocked, which just happens to involve nicaise, who deserved better, just like laurent deserves better, just like everyone under the regent’s power deserves better, except guion.

‘No,’ said Paschal. ‘He died because of this.’ He took from the folds of his clothes a bundle of papers, tied with string.

does he always just like carry that around?? i guess it makes sense if it’s like dangerously sensitive information, and also from his dead brother

‘The last words of my brother, the archer Langren, carried by the soldier called Govart, and stolen by the Regent’s pet, Nicaise, who was killed for it. This is the testimony of the dead.’

okay yeah he kept it on him bc it got stolen once and the person who stole it got killed about it. that tracks. also tracks why he hadn’t spoken up sooner.

‘I am Paschal, a palace physician. And I have a story to tell about Marlas.'

LOVE how it’s marlas

‘Diplomacy failed. The talks fell through. Theomedes wanted land, not peace. He sent away the Veretian emissaries without hearing them.'

not surprised

For the first time, he wondered what had happened behind Veretian lines to cause it. He thought of a King convinced it was the best way of protecting his people.

love this subtle damen character development moment

‘Instead, Veretians fell. I was nearby when the word came that Auguste was dead. In grief, the King pulled off his helm. He was careless. I think in his mind, he had no reason left to be careful.’

so the regent was the reason both auguste and the king died. they went out there on bad advice because they were desperate to protect their people. and damen thought they were cowards, and believed that his killing of auguste was honorable and fair.

damn.

He began to untie the string, drawing it away and opening the papers. They were covered in writing. ‘Nicaise gave it to me for safekeeping. He had stolen it from Govart, and he was scared. I opened it, never expecting what I would find. In fact, the letter was to me, though Nicaise didn’t know it. It was a confession, in my brother’s handwriting.’

i’m glad that nicaise has a part in this, even if he isn’t here to see it.

And then Damen looked at Laurent. Laurent’s face was completely devoid of colour. It was not an idea that Laurent had entertained before, that much was clear. Laurent had his own blind spot when it came to his uncle. I didn’t think he’d really try to kill me. After everything . . . even after everything.

just like his father and brother—a bleeding heart. but that gives him power, just as much as it makes him vulnerable. all of the people rallying around him, dead and alive, are proof of that.

Damen thought of his father struggling to breathe in his sickbed

it’s so funny to know that yet another Thing kastor did was someone else’s idea first. come on, dude.

‘You can’t believe this? The lies of a physician and a boy whore?’ Guion’s voice was jarring in the silence. Damen looked to the Council, where the oldest of the Councillors, Herode, was looking up from the papers. ‘Nicaise had more nobility in him than you,’ said Herode. ‘He was more loyal to the Crown than the Council, in the end.’

‘The Council has been deceived into treason,’ said the Regent, calmly. ‘Take them.’ There was a pause, in which his order ought to have been followed, but wasn’t. The Regent turned. The hall was thick with his soldiers, the Regent’s Guard, trained to his orders, and brought here to do his bidding. None of them moved. In the strange silence, a soldier stepped forward. ‘You’re not my King,’ he said. Pulling the Regent’s insignia from his shoulder, he dropped it at the Regent’s feet.

this is the most devastating defeat possible for the regent. for reasons i think i’ve already explained.

Then he crossed the hall as the Council had done, to stand beside Laurent.

okay actually THIS is the most devastating defeat for the regent. lol

His movement was the first drop that became a trickle, then a flow, as another soldier pulled his insignia from his shoulder and crossed, and another, and another, until the hall was loud with the sound of armoured feet, the hail of badges hitting the ground. Like the tide drawing away from a rock, the Veretians crossed the hall, until the Regent stood alone. And Laurent stood facing him, with an army at his back.

‘Herode,’ said the Regent. ‘This is the boy who has shirked his duties, who has never worked for anything in his life, who is in every way unfit to rule the country.’ Herode said, ‘He is our King.’ ‘He’s not a king. He’s no more than a—’ ‘You’ve lost.’ Laurent’s calm words cut across his uncle’s. He stood free. His uncle’s soldiers had released him, striking the irons from his wrists. Across from him, the Regent stood exposed, a middle-aged man used to commanding public spectacle, now with it turned against him.

He took the black square of cloth from the slave who had carried it, and placed it over the head of the sceptre. ‘This is absurd,’ said the Regent.

“from the slave who had carried it”

‘You think you can defy me?’ the Regent said to Laurent. ‘You think you can rule Vere? You?’ Laurent said, ‘I’m not a boy anymore.’

And he saw that Laurent understood, that Laurent knew, somehow, about the scrap of paper that Damen had found that morning in the empty wagon in their camp, its door standing open. That he had carried it in careful fingers on the long walk to the city. The child was never yours, but he is safe. In another life, he would have been a king.   I remember the way you looked at me, the day we met. Perhaps that, too, in another life.   Jokaste

okay uh sure. cool. wasn’t really worried about that with everything else going on but good to know i guess. anyway

(i'm still murky on how much of this laurent had anticipated, vs what damen thinks laurent anticipated because damen thinks laurent knows everything, vs what neither of them anticipated. it's fine.)

‘What’s happening?’ said a young voice. Damen turned. The eleven-year-old boy who had been sitting beside the Regent’s throne had pushed up out of his chair and was staring, confusion in his wide brown eyes. ‘What’s happening? You said we’d go riding after. I don’t understand.’ He was trying now to go to the soldiers who were holding the Regent down. ‘Stop it, you’re hurting him. You’re hurting him. Let him go.’ A soldier was holding him back, and the boy was fighting him.

fuuuuuuuck. breaking the cycle, but still. breaking.

Laurent looked at the boy, and in his eyes was the knowledge that some things couldn’t be fixed.

nicaise. closure, self-forgiveness, grief as fuel for a better future. sad and real and finished.

He said, ‘Get that boy out of here.’

the most merciful thing laurent could do: protect the boy from seeing this

It was a single clean stroke. Laurent’s face didn’t change.

interesting to compare this to nicaise’s beheading. “damen saw laurent react, then make himself not react.”

i find this to be a very satisfying way for the regent to die: killed by a coalition of the people he had crushed on his way to power, by the same means he had used to kill nicaise. and for once, laurent did not have to get his own hands dirty to see justice done.

‘Put his body on the gates. Fly my flag on the walls. Let all my people know of my ascension.’ He lifted his eyes, and met Damen’s gaze across the length of the hall. ‘And unchain the King of Akielos.’

sounds like the kings have risinged

‘You came,’ said Laurent. ‘You knew I would,’ said Damen.

... but did he, though? maybe he thought you'd come to defeat kastor, but i don't think laurent thought he (laurent) was going to survive this.

‘If you need an army to take your capital,’ said Laurent, ‘I seem to have one.’

yeah laurent does not agree. damen you’re still maybe a little off the mark here, but that’s okay, it’s good to encourage laurent to value himself and trust in his community. i just hope that your idealistic misjudgments of character don’t end up getting you stabbed in the next chapter when you expect your murderous brother to act honorably

Even men fighting for their lives could not overcome a lifetime of observance and directly strike against their Prince. He had a clear path.

i really like how this chapter is placed after the very optimistic and empowering trial sequence. because there is still so much cynicism to the monarchy, to these systems of power, to people like kastor who don’t take chances that are given to them, and those things can still cause harm. they can especially endanger people like damen, whose greatest strength and weakness is his stubborn determination to live in a world that is good. and where laurent benefitted from learning from damen in the last sequence, and his cynicism was ultimately proven wrong, damen is proven wrong in this one. kastor does try to kill him when he shows mercy, the system is still being observed in ways that resemble the past. but damen isn’t alone, and laurent is there for him when he miscalculates—unlike jokaste or any of his other allies when kastor stripped him of his dignity and sent him to vere as a slave. and together they’re going to do their best to change the world for the better, even though the world is complicated and sometimes cynical. that, to me, is the most empowering way this story could possibly end.

He turned left. Instead of heading towards the main doors, he made his way to the viewing hall, where slaves were displayed for their royal masters. He turned into the narrow corridors along which he’d been taken on that long ago night, the fighting becoming distant shouts and clangs behind him, the sounds growing muffled as he ran. And from there, he descended down into the slave baths.

the trauma speedrun…

His body reacted, his chest constricting, his pulse kicking hard. For a moment, he was hanging suspended from those chains again, and Jokaste was coming towards him across the marble.

damen ptsd hasn’t magically healed. fits well with previous annotation about this final scene and why it works

All he could do was wait for Kastor to appear at the top of the stairs. Damen stood, his sword in his hands, and tried not to feel small, like a younger brother.

stronger man on top, etc

Kastor came in alone, without even an honour guard. When he saw Damen, he gave a low laugh, as though Damen’s presence satisfied in him some sense of the inevitable.

kastor: disney villain damen: he can’t be that bad

He thought of everything that Kastor had done—the long, slow poisoning of their father, the massacre of his household, the brutality of his own enslavement—and he tried to understand that these things had not been done by another person, but by this one, his brother. But when he looked at Kastor all he could remember was that Kastor had taught him how to hold a spear, that he had sat with him when his first pony had broken its leg and had to be put down, that after his first okton Kastor had ruffled his hair and told him that he had done well.

see previous recent annotations about damen seeing the best in people being a double edged sword (literally)

Why did you deserve it more than I did? Because you were better at fighting? What does wielding a sword have to do with kingship?’ ‘I would have fought for you,’ said Damen. ‘I would have died for you. I would have been loyal—would have had you by my side.’

i love how damen answers the question without even meaning to answer it. damen is more honorable than kastor not because of his lineage or skills, but because he acts honorably. if kinghood is meant for the honorable (which uhhhh personally i’m not a big fan of royalty stuff bc i think that’s lame but we’re staying within the narrative and kastor’s logic rn), then that is why damen deserves to be king while kastor does not

He made himself stop before he gave voice to the words that he had never let himself speak: I loved you, but you wanted a throne more than you wanted a brother.

a kingdom or this, and kastor chose a kingdom. and didn’t even get it. lol

‘You know I can’t beat you in a fair fight.’

the narrative knows that there is no such thing as a fair fight, but damen fundamentally will always believe that there should be.

‘I didn’t want you made a slave. When the Regent asked for you, I refused. It was Jokaste. She convinced me to send you to Vere.’ ‘Yes,’ said Damen. ‘I’m beginning to understand that she did.’

damen knows that’s a lie, and that the regent happily accepted damen as a slave as a gift from kastor so he could torture laurent. he also knows for a fact now that jokaste had been trying to protect him—from kastor.

I’m your brother.’ Kastor said it, as Damen took another step, and then another. ‘Damen, it’s a terrible thing to kill your own family.’ ‘You’re troubled by what you’ve done? It gives you a moment’s pause?’

kastor going into damage control mode because he thinks damen is going to actually do it. fucking coward

Kastor lifted his head and looked at him, and Damen saw a thousand unspoken words in his brother’s black eyes. ‘Thank you,’ said Kastor, ‘brother.’ And he drew a knife from his belt, and ran it straight through Damen’s unprotected body.

the paradox of a better world, as experienced and perpetuated by damen: have to believe in it for it to exist, but you’re going to experience pain and suffering because of that belief

‘There can’t be two Kings of Akielos.’ Kastor was coming down the steps towards him. ‘You should have stayed a slave in Vere.’

there actually can be two kings, but they’re named damen and laurent. hope that helps.

A shocked, familiar voice to his left. He and Kastor both turned their heads. Laurent was standing in the open archway, white-faced. Laurent must have followed him from the great hall. He was unarmed and still wearing that ridiculous chiton. He needed to tell Laurent to get out, to run, but Laurent was already on his knees beside him. Laurent’s hand was passing over his body. Laurent said, in an oddly detached voice, ‘You have a knife wound. You have to staunch the blood until I can call for a physician. Press here. Like this.’ He lifted Damen’s left hand to press against his stomach.

laurent is here for damen because damen believed in a better world, and tried to see the best in laurent. if he hadn’t done that, he would bleed out and die right now. ultimately it is damen’s way of thinking that prevails, and that’s why he’s our protagonist.

Then he took Damen’s other hand in his own, clasping their fingers together and holding his hand like it was the most important thing in the world. Damen thought that if Laurent was holding his hand, he must be dying.

god they’re so.

There was a snick as Laurent locked Damen’s gold cuff to one of the slave chains scattered over the floor. Damen looked at his newly chained wrist, not comprehending. Then Laurent rose, his hand closing around the hilt of Damen’s sword. ‘He won’t kill you,’ said Laurent. ‘But I will.’

SEE RECENT ANNOTATIONS.

also wow, i am a SUCKER for unfathomably soft treatment of the person a character loves, and then resolute violence towards the people who hurt them. which is like laurent’s whole thing. they’ve both changed, but some things are always going to be the same.

and of course, the continuing use of the cuffs and chains. in the same way that damen didn’t give laurent a choice but to believe that he wasn’t alone, laurent isn’t giving damen a choice but to survive this encounter with kastor.

Kastor had reached the bottom of the stairs. ‘I’m going to kill your lover,’ he said to Damen, ‘and then I’m going to kill you.’ Laurent stood in his way, a slender figure with a sword that was too big for him, and Damen thought of a thirteen-year-old boy with his life about to change, standing on the battlefield with determination in his eyes.

kastor you have no idea how cunty laurent is with a sword

Damen had seen Laurent fight before. He had seen the spare, precise style that he used on the field. He had seen the different, highly intellectual way that he approached a duel. He knew Laurent as an accomplished swordsman, a master even, of his own style. Kastor was better.

okay fine whatever.

Kastor, at thirty-five,

kastor you cannot be acting this way at age thirty fucking five.

Kastor lifted his sword. Damen tugged uselessly on the chain as Kastor advanced. It was like watching a former self, unable to stop his own actions.

damen is SO convinced that kastor is going to win this, because he won in marlas against auguste. and then beat laurent when they fought. buuuuut

And then Kastor attacked, and Damen saw what a lifetime of single-minded dedication had forged in Laurent.

damen is often wrong, especially about laurent. and kastor isn’t damen.

Years of training, of pushing a body never intended for martial pursuits to its limit in hours of ceaseless practice. Laurent knew how to fight a stronger opponent, how to counter a longer reach. He knew the Akielon style—more than that. He knew exact move sets, lines of attack taught to Kastor by the royal trainers that he could not have learned from his own sword masters, but only by watching Damen with meticulous attention as he trained, and cataloguing each movement, preparing for the day that they would fight.

and laurent had LEARNED from damen.

And because Laurent’s life had been dragged from its course, because he was not the sweet, bookish youth he might have been, but instead was hard and dangerous as cut glass, Laurent was going to take on Kastor’s best sword work, and force it back.

laurent, specifically as a character with trauma, means so much to me. sometimes people push back against the idea that trauma makes you stronger, because it’s often used as an apologetic platitude: “you experienced bad things, but it’s okay because you’re stronger.” i disagree with that implication wholeheartedly. but personally, i do think that trauma made me stronger, simply because it forced me to adapt in ways i would not have otherwise figured out. and to me this is a neutral fact, not a tragedy or uplifting platitude. trauma made me stronger, whether i like it or not. the uplifting part, for me, comes in the ways i can use that strength to fight for a better life and a better world. and that feels very close to the ethos of laurent’s character, and the captive prince series as a whole.

It was a simple misjudgement on Laurent’s part: a dip in the marble altered his footing and affected his line, his blade cutting too far to the left. He wouldn’t have misjudged if he hadn’t been tired. The same had been true for Auguste, fighting for hours on the front. His eyes flying to Kastor, Laurent tried to correct the mistake, close the gap into which a man could drive his sword if he was ruthless, and willing to kill. ‘No,’ said Damen, who had lived this, too, jerking hard on his restraints, ignoring the pain in his side as Kastor took the opening, moving with merciless speed to cut Laurent down. Death and life; past and future; Akielos and Vere. Kastor let out a choked sound, his eyes shocked and wide. Because Laurent wasn’t Auguste. And the stumble wasn’t a mistake, it was a feint. Laurent’s sword met Kastor’s, forcing it up, and then, with a neat, minimal motion of the wrist, driving forward into Kastor’s chest.

damen is always going to miss things, about laurent and everything else in the world. this often means he is blindsided in upsetting ways.

but sometimes he misses things like this. and it’s good, once in a while, for him be proven wrong :)

(as i’ve said, that’s the core of lamen. endless power shifts. and i love it.)

Laurent was already turning, already at Damen’s side, on his knees, his hands firm and strong on Damen’s body as though he had never left.

“anyway”

Kastor’s death he felt as the death of a man he had not known, or understood. Losing his brother—that had happened a long time ago, like the loss of another self who had not grasped the flawed nature of the world. Later, he would face that.

“another self who had not grasped the flawed nature of the world” damen if you want to know more about that guy you can read my bazillion annotations of your narration

Later they would lay Kastor out, taking him on the long walk, inter him, where he should be, with their father. Later he would mourn, for the man Kastor was, for the man he might have been, for a hundred different pasts and might-have-beens. Now, Laurent was beside him. Aloof, untouchable Laurent was beside him, kneeling on the wet marble hundreds of miles from home, with nothing in his eyes but Damen. ‘There’s a lot of blood,’ said Laurent. ‘Luckily,’ said Damen, ‘I brought a physician.’

‘I killed your brother.’ ‘I know.’

would have been a useful conversation to have three books ago, but i’m not complaining about what we got instead

Damen said it, and felt a strange empathy pass between them, as if they knew each other for the first time. He looked into Laurent’s eyes and felt himself understood, even as he understood Laurent. They were both orphans now, without family. The symmetry that ruled both their lives had brought them here, at the end of their journey.

okay sorry to criticize right before this wraps up but this paragraph wasn’t necessary

‘It was one kingdom, once.’ Laurent wasn’t looking at him when he said it, and it was a long moment before he lifted his eyes to Damen’s waiting ones, and Damen’s breath caught at what he saw there, the odd shyness of it, as though Laurent was asking instead of answering. ‘Yes,’ said Damen, feeling light-headed at the question.

that was literally a marriage proposal, right???

(interesting how we never get “i love you”s. although i think we have gotten many of them, just not in so many words. and those words being what They Are is very specific to our real-life culture and media.)

‘No, don’t move,’ said Laurent, when Damen pushed up onto an elbow, and then, ‘Idiot,’ when Damen kissed him.

i’d be lying if i said this didn’t immediately make me think of catradora

He pushed Damen firmly back. Damen let him. His stomach hurt.

damen bringing us home with one last understatement

It was not a mortal wound, but it was nice to have Laurent fuss over him.

The thought of days of bed rest and physicians was made sweeter by the thought of Laurent alongside him, making barbed remarks in public, and in private, newly tender. He thought, Laurent alongside him for all the span of his days. He lifted his fingers to touch Laurent’s face.

“my husband is a bitch and i love him so much”

‘You know, you’re going to have to unchain me at some point,’ said Damen. Laurent’s hair was soft. ‘I will. At some point. What’s that sound?’

never really letting each other go

He could hear it even in the slave baths, muffled but audible, the sound ringing out from the highest peak, a peal of notes, proclaiming a new king. ‘Bells,’ said Damen.

i know a lot of people really love this conclusion, and while i don’t dislike it, it doesn’t feel like it hits as hard as it could. when exactly have we heard bells before? i just scanned the prologue of book 1 and didn’t see them. i get the themes of kings rising (obviously) and the future, but i’m also wondering if there’s some obvious thing i’m missing that really makes this HIT. like, “he was watching the road” kind of hit. which i’ll be reading too, by the way. so it’s not quite over yet :)

final thoughts: see the past three books of annotations. i’m really happy i did this, and i'm so thankful for everyone who followed along with me. looking forward to the short stories, which i actually haven’t read except for the summer palace. let me know your recommended order, if you want!

[poughkeepsies]

when you're gone, i come undone

Buck’s never been religious, and he sure as hell wasn’t raised with the brand of catholicism that seems to plague Bobby and Eddie’s every step, but he thinks he can understand why Bobby likes his rosary beads so much. At the very least it would give him something to do with his hands while he sits vigil at Bobby’s side, way past the time visitors who aren’t on a first-name basis with half of the hospital staff would be allowed. 

The others had left hours ago, some with kids who needed taking care of and others anticipating early shifts the next day, promising to take over from him as soon as visiting hours started. There was no shortage of people who wanted to be the one to keep watch over Bobby, but the night shift would’ve usually fallen to Athena, if she wasn’t recovering in her own room and allowed more than a couple minutes out of bed at a time to come see him. 

There was a quiet devastation clinging to her that Buck had never seen before. Maybe because before there would’ve been the safe walls of her home and the arms of her husband to cover her when she lost her unflappable mask. 

That, more than anything, makes him feel utterly helpless. As much as he had been thinking of Bobby as more of a dad to him than his own father for close to a decade, Athena was never his mom. 

After the rough patch at the start of their relationship, they’d understood each other in the way only two people who love someone as much as they both loved Bobby could. You hold half of his heart, so you’ll hold your fair share of mine, as well. Maybe that was why he’d taken one look at the longing in Athena’s eyes and promised to stay the night with Bobby. No matter his own desire to never let Bobby out of his sight again, he also wanted to protect the pieces of Bobby that were with Athena, as well. 

The only problem is that Buck has never been able to stay still for too long. He fidgets, and he bustles, and he fills silences. At the minimum, it usually earns him a dead-pan look that’s suspiciously drenched in fondness, or his name uttered in gentle scolding twinged with amusement. 

He half-expects the latter to fall from the corner of Bobby’s mouth with a single eyelid cracked open to give its best effort at the former, the way it usually happens when they’re in the bunkroom and everyone else is ready to sleep like the dead while Buck is wide-awake and wired like an electric fence. 

The image stands in such contrast to the blank slate of Bobby’s unconscious face that it does nothing to soothe his nervous fidgeting. He’s leaning so far forward, trying to summon any sort of conscious intention behind the mechanical rise and fall of Bobby’s chest and every reflexive twitch of his face, that he accidentally shifts the chair, so the bottom slides against the floor and breaks the momentary silence that only exists between the regular beeping and intercom noises that come muffled through the hospital room doors. 

Come on, Bobby. Tell me to shut up and go to bed. Tell me it’s late, and I can either close my eyes and actually try to sleep or go make some of that lavender tea we keep for this exact reason. You know you want to. Stilling so as to not miss any minute signs of Bobby’s stirring, Buck’s breath catches tight in his lungs like it used to when the fridge door would be too loud as he tried to sneak past his dad’s sleeping form in the living room armchair when he was a kid. Unlike back then, the disappointment when Bobby fails to stir is a living thing that threatens to swallow him whole. He rides the wave of devastation by opening his mouth and intentionally filling the silence, instead.

“I’m gonna say something, but you can’t get mad at me,” he says. Bobby is silent, but that’s not much different from how he’d usually react to such an opening from Buck, so he takes that as his go-head anyway. “I think this may be all my fault.”

It’s probably just his own nerves, but the air in the room settles around the words with so much  tension that it only serves to spur him on. “Not the- not the fire, obviously. I mean, I had no idea you’d even met the guy Athena thinks is responsible for it, but that’s kind of what I mean, you know? I had no idea.” 

His breath is shaky as he exhales, a tremble running up his shoulders. 

“I don’t- I don’t think I ever told you, what I saw when I was in the coma. Maybe you already guessed. Some days it’s like you seem to know what’s going on in my brain better than even I do, but it was just. It was a different world, Bobby. Daniel was still alive, so I guess I never had a reason to come to L.A. and join the academy and everything was just…wrong. Maddie was still with Doug, and Eddie never got to meet Carla so he couldn’t figure everything out fast enough to keep Chris, and Chimney…well, Chim was still Chimney but he told me that you were dead, Bobby. He told me you’d been dead for years and it was like I couldn’t breathe.” 

He kind of feels like that now, actually. His face feels hot and his eyelashes are heavy like when he’s about to cry but his eyes are dry. For the first time in years, he’s in agreement with his body’s reaction to something. If he were to start crying now, he wouldn’t ever be able to stop, and that feels too much like giving up to be acceptable. 

Deep breath, he thinks, in through his nose and pushed out from his mouth. His lips are dry. He keeps going. 

“I used to think that’s why I died, you know. Like I was supposed to learn something and that’s the only way the universe could think to get it through my thick skull, I guess.” 

“But I think I got it wrong,” he whispers, and it echoes as loud as the beeping from the heart monitor. 

“I thought it meant that I matter, you know. Like, ‘they need you as much as you need them! Don’t leave them alone!’ But I was so stupid.” So much for not crying. His day-old stubble is damp with tears. He’s been wearing these clothes for more than 24 hours at this point and he’s starting to feel overstimulated in the way he sometimes does when they’re on a busy shift and don’t have time to freshen up. It occurs to him that Bobby usually notices, like he notices most things that have the potential to bother any of them. This would be the time when he tells Buck to go ahead and take a quick shower while he reheats the food. And Buck would come back good as new, a weight lifted off his shoulders before he could even recognize it because someone cared enough about him to know him better than he did himself. 

“I’ve been so caught up in my own stuff since I came back and, God, I’ve just been so happy these past couple of months it feels like I’ve been walking around with blinders on. I didn’t even notice this thing going on with Eddie until it was too late and now he might lose Christopher. You came to talk to me after our last shift and I should’ve -  I should’ve - noticed something was wrong but all I could think about was if I had everything to go stay with Tommy. a-and then something happened with Eddie, and I honestly don’t think I spared you a single other thought that night, Bobby. I was using your recipe to make dinner for my date while your house was burning down.” 

He’s tripping over his words, like if he says them fast enough he can reach Bobby and earn his forgiveness first, before the disappointment settles in and bars the gates. 

“I should’ve remembered, Bobby. The dream showed me a world where I wasn’t there and you died, and I left it. I came back because I couldn’t live in that world. I refuse to.” Saying the words settles something in him, and he wipes the wetness from his eyes away with the flat of his palm before crossing his arms and sitting up in the chair, body once again posed like a shield between the outside world and the figure lying in the bed. 

“Look, maybe-maybe I already missed the chance the universe gave me. But you know better than anyone that I’m way better at third chances anyway.” He tries for a smile, and if he squints really hard he can almost see the muscles under Bobby’s eyes tensing the way they do when he’s about to smile, too. 

“You’ve never given up on me before, Bobby. Don’t start now.” 

The monitor’s beeping remains the only other sound in the room, but that’s okay. He’s learning to be patient. Bobby knows that, too. 

[eelfuneral]

I know that I’ve touched on the harassment that people are getting for posting theories about Tech being alive, but there is another element that I believe we should discuss: the fact that the harassment is being disproportionately lobbed at autistic fans. Now, I’m not trying to imply that all of the people leaving these nasty comments are sitting around thinking about how much they hate autistic people, but whether they realize it or not, the types of posts that they tend to leave nasty comments on tend to be posts made by people displaying what might be autistic traits. In fact, a lot of posts that have these harassing comments are made by people who make it no secret that they are autistic and sometimes even mention it in their bio.

So what do I mean when I say that a lot of these posts may hint at OP being autistic? For starters, autistic brains tend to latch onto things with a great deal of intensity, and sometimes our brains latch onto specific fictional characters. We know logically that these characters are not real and that there are objectively more important things to worry about, but our brains simply do not care. Focused autistic interests are a source of a lot of comfort and stability for us in a world that is often overwhelming, and they are important to us as a result. A lot of the people dogging the Tech posts seem to take issue with how “obsessed” people are with the character and his survival, which in some cases, is due to OP simply being autistic and having a focused interest.

Another trait that can manifest in autistic people is difficulty with emotional regulation, meaning that even “small” things can make us more upset than our peers. The people leaving harassing replies seem to have picked up on the fact that people are “too emotional” over a fictional character and sometimes even make their replies extra graphic (ie. “he’s rotting at the bottom of the chasm”, “he’s flesh paste”) in order to get a rise out of the OP. Obviously, not everyone who makes posts like these or has these challenges is autistic, but I believe that my point still stands that going after people with these traits will cause autistic people to be disproportionately targeted, which is an ableist pattern.

Sometimes, however, the harassment feels more intentionally targeted at autistic fans. A lot of Tech fans really value Tech as autistic representation and feel like killing him off in our current popular culture environment where a fair chunk of autistic portrayals are negative is in poor taste. The “Tech is dead, get over it” harassers blatantly ignore or ridicule these statements, showing zero empathy to the people who feel seen because of this character. I have seen people bulldoze into posts where autistic fans talk about how much they hope he survives because they see themselves in him with comments like “he’s dead, get over it.” In one instance, I saw an allistic fan tell an autistic fan that Tech was “forced diversity” and that if Disney was going to attempt autistic representation, then the character shouldn’t be “boring” like Tech. I don’t think I really need to explain why this is inappropriate.

It’s fine to disagree with a popular fan theory or debate about it in good faith with someone who is up to it, but what I am seeing goes well beyond that. Harassment is never, ever okay, and you should know better than to leave replies like the ones in these screenshots below when you see a fan theory that you don’t agree with.

[nightklok]

I have so many things to say about Ultraman Rising it’s insane

I’m choosing to talk about how the movie uses grief and it’s such an interesting way of handling it!

Almost every character in the film has grieved or is grieving in some aspect. And grieving doesn’t even need to mean death but just losing something.

For Kenji he’s grieving over his mother’s disappearance, his childhood lost without his father, and the fact at a young age he realized how cruel other kids were and began to put on a front that lasted well into adulthood.

Hayao’s essentially lost out on not only 20 years of being in his son’s life but also being apart from his wife. The family he was happy to create and love but it was ripped apart with the sacrifice of having to fulfill his duties as Ultraman. He was alone for 20 years.

The way the two handle grief is in different ways.

Hayao’s handling of it seems to be a lot more calmer, meditated and carefully thought of. Even if he couldn’t be in Kenji’s life physically, he collected every trophy and home video Emiko sent of his games. He was an absent father but he was a father nonetheless and why he kept his distance is still in the air but it’s so clear that he did try to be updated in his life as much as possible even if he was far away. And because of the fact he loved Kenji and wanted to protect him, it’d extend well past to adulthood where he didn’t even ask him for help in finding Emiko. Why should he ask his son to help when he’s moved away from a career he spent years building to take on the family hero role? Maybe if he finds her it’ll get Kenji to talk to him again. Maybe he should start himself but he has to find her first. But not once did he yell at Kenji.

Kenji’s is harsher and more self destructive. Purposely making himself aloof, putting on a front of being loud and arrogant, making sure he’s so untouchable no one would want to be friends with him or be close to him, all things as a response to the grief he’s felt. While Ami’s breakdown of him did imply he was always known for being this way, I can imagine it got much worse with Emiko’s disappearance. Mina said he did his best. He assumed he was the only one looking for her and he failed. So why bother being nice? Shove a photocard in a player’s hands that they might’ve sold on eBay anyway, yell at your dad for 20 years worth of pent up rage and feel like shit about it but don’t bother to try and fix it. And don’t bother to talk or ask for help from your teammates even at your lowest…it’s not gonna bring her back but being in control of something might bring in some semblance of normalcy.

however I think the one with the most destructive handling of grief is Dr. Onda. And while I agree with some criticism regarding him, I think he’s a perfect villain suited for this. And in some ways, he can be terrifying.

He lost his wife and daughter. He has no one. Unlike Kenji and Hayao where they at least had each other, he has no one.

Ultraman failed his family.

Ultraman failed him.

Ultraman still has his family.

He morphed the KDF’s structure as a result of that. Even throughout the movie he states how this isn’t what he would’ve wanted to do but he had to help families. To make sure no one goes through what he went through.

But he’s also manipulative about it.

He knows grief about losing his family to Kaijus better than anyone.

He knows that he’s not the only one. And Ultraman can’t save everyone even if they tried.

With grief you end up wanting to blame anything.

So Dr Onda chooses grieving people to work alongside him. Consistently throughout the movie he makes sure to bring up how they lost loved ones/family to Kaijus or how they have to think of their families. While we can gather he wasn’t intentionally being manipulative, at the end of the day he’s a widow who lost his family, there’s no doubt about it he’s at least aware of the impact of bringing it up.

Even when there was some doubt over how the KDF began handling Kaijus, especially when it’s shown how sentient they are with their own culture, affection and love, Dr. Onda makes sure to bring up their own families. Forget how this Kaiju is clearly protected her daughter, your own families are more important.

He’s a perfect mix of how Kenji and Hayao handle grief and shows how destructive it can be.

Using the opposite of Hayao’s handling of grief and mixing it with Kenji’s creates such a manipulative monster of grief. We can argue that he has good intentions, that he just wants Japan to be safe and for families to not lose a loved one, but the movie now presents an interesting debate of why one species is so much more important than the other. Dr. Onda, in his own grief, chooses to brush aside that for the sake of trying to do something he couldn’t do earlier for his family. Even if it means trying to kill ultraman and his son.

At the end of the day nothing he does will bring them back. But he has to hope that despite trying to tear two families apart, he’ll save everyone for the greater good. And if he dies, no one will really grieve for him because he doesn’t have anyone. So he might as well die trying.

[qoldenskies]

Think the biggest thing about the family meeting for me is that it's literally just mean. They sit there berating Donnie until he cries. There's a supposed reason for the meeting, but Raph literally says that they're moving on to "serious talk" when they start discussing his "behavior." That entire segment of them tearing him down is literally just for their enjoyment. It's not vindictive in the way their physical abuse of him is, not as calculated as the closet situation. It's literally them just being flat out fucking mean because they're having fun doing it.

The fact that they especially poke at his autism is devastating. It's painful by itself (one of the biggest things people tend to praise about Rise when it comes to ND rep is that the brothers have literally never treated him as a burden because of who he is), but you've mentioned before that Donnie is really the one who suffers from the ND "my identity belongs to the people" experience. He uses his technology to make up for what he sees as deficits. But he's been told that not only does his "useless junk" not make up for his existence, but they absolutely hate those traits as much as he'd feared. I've always kind of thought that this was an underlying fear he never mentioned in Witch Town, mostly because it feels like a very ND struggle: it wasn't just the thought of being replaced by mystic that scared him, but the thought that all his tech, all his effort, had become not enough to make up for his living. Except in CC he can think back to what April said and think "You were wrong. You were wrong and I'm sorry for everything."

the fact that their words prey on a pre-existing insecurity is what makes it so HARD to undo.... like YES they can convince donnie that they DO love him, and that he didn't deserve to be lied to and hit and gaslit and abused, but the problem is that donnie heard all of these attacks on his character, and his behavior, and his sense of self was so fragile that even with the knowledge of the curse in mind, he continues to BELIEVE what they said is true. there are some moments where he intentionally holds himself back later down the line in CL, but after the final attack especially its so noticeable. he's so much less verbose. he speaks like he's embarrassed to be speaking. they've noted that so much of his cute little verbal quirks are gone and that he doesn't sound like himself.

it's because he's completely embarrassed with himself and what he used to be. he doesn't miss how things were, his grief is long gone; he feels ashamed for living in that illusion that he was in any way accepted, thinking he'd always just been embarrassing himself and his family without knowing it. his confidence was so fragile that it really only took something like the family meeting to DESTROY it; but to be fair, they wouldn't have gotten away with it day one because he is on the default defensive, but the anger had already been squashed completely and he was on to bargaining at that point.

and they knewwww godddd they knew. they all knew!

they watched themselves around him!! they always made sure not to go too far when they made fun of him!!! they understood how quick he was to disappear back into himself when he felt rejected and they worked around it because they loved him!!! they KNEW!!!!!

and the curse makes them take advantage of the fact that they knew!! what's so horrifying about the family meeting is that they KNEW how donnie was going to respond, they KNEW it would break him, and they KNEW they were going to get away with it, and they did it anyway because they thought it was funny.

and i dont even think they planned it out, especially apparent by the way raph ended up shutting it down. leo jumped on the opportunity and they just joined in the moment they got the chance to like sharks smelling blood in the water. it meant nothing to them, it wasn't an intentional, planned choice to get revenge or question his sense of reality. honestly, it was probably just them voicing all the shit they said behind his back (some to april.... yikes), and that's one of the things leo was scared about donnie SEEING because it was probably way more vicious. they had zero filter when they talked ABOUT him, because even through the curse there would still be the natural instinct to protect his feelings.

[mitsuyaya]

[ method of confession: to give a handkerchief ] tsukishima kei

contains: 700+ words. fluff, palace knight tsukki

end note: a second part for this and here is the prologue :)

haikyuu masterlist | wtkly masterlist

The breeze from outside the palace is unforgiving, relentlessly cold as it slips past through your thin nightgown and into your skin. It prickles your flesh everytime the leaves from the trees sways, making your already frigid night more unbearable.

But even so, the cold breeze couldn't outweigh the heavy and bitter feeling in your chest, one that makes you decide to go out, one that causes a tear to suddenly fall from your eyes.

You're glad that it's the middle of the night, devoid of maids, visitors and knights to find you in your most vulnerable moment, you wouldn't want them to have the luxury to find you crying, to find you suffering all because of them.

Because of how much they berate you. As much as possible, you wanted them to see you with a smile on your face, with a bold countenance that says ‘no matter how many times you push me down, I will still rise up.’ But as their chastisement worsened, being more physical as you age, the more you couldn't keep up the facade of a strong woman.

“You are here again, it seems” you looked up only to find the mysterious knight you've seen almost every night. He's here again, with his trademark helmet, his presence you found solace in, and his pretty, silvery voice that soothes your nerves.

“Just as I thought, you were crying aren't you?” there's a hint of disappointment in his tone, not because of you crying everytime he comes to see you but because he knows the reason why you would suddenly go here late at night, to let your tears fall without anyone seeing.

He hands you a handkerchief, a green one. If you weren't so dejected at the moment, you would've teased and told him that giving someone a handkerchief is the same as confessing, but you didn't, you took the handkerchief and wiped your tears.

“What did they do this time?” he asks, “the maids gave me food with too much salt” typical, something only cowards and lowly servants like them could do.

“and the chef made a dessert with pear.” you heard him curse from under his breath, something that made you giggle a bit.

“They know you are allergic to pear, how insolent. You are a princess, how dare they?” he's getting mad on your behalf, even more angry than you are, cursing the names of those imperial maids and cooks — it's hilarious seeing him get so worked up, get so worked up in something that isn't his problem.

It goes on for quite some time, how he swears that he'll make them pay by pushing them intentionally when he sees them, or to criticize them harshly that they'll cry so much.

It's enough assurance and comfort to make you forget about the whole ordeal, enough to make you stop crying.

“I should go back, thank you for comforting me again sir knight” you smiled at him, just this once you wish you could see the face of the man who comforts you every night but you know it'll take a long time, you can't push someone who told you that he feels insecure when he removes his helmet. For now, you're just glad that he's comfortable enough to see and talk to you everyday.

“Good night princess, have a good sleep” he bids you goodbye, standing still as you enter the palace.

When he couldn't find your figure anymore, Tsukishima removes his helmet, his blonde hair all messy now, cheeks dusted with pink as he recalls what he did earlier.

He gave you a handkerchief?

A handkerchief out of all things.

What was he thinking?

You don't even know his face yet and even if he removes his helmet in front of you, he knows you'll be scared, you'll never talk to him ever again — because out of all the people in the palace, it's him you dislike the most.

How could he tell you that he's Tsukishima kei, the empire's greatest knight, the person your father favors so much?

You've said it multiple times, how much you hate your father and his favorite knight, then how was he supposed to introduce himself to you?

And he still dares to give you a handkerchief? Though it is pretty much needed in that moment, still, that was humiliating.

Tsukishima sighs, burying his face into his hand, really he's so stupid. He could only wish you didn't know what it meant to give someone a handkerchief and wish that someday, he'll introduce himself to you — with no helmet.

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

I don’t know if this is going to resonate or matter to anyone, but as a black gamer who has seen this trope time and time again in video games and tv and movies, I really like the way NotGames goes about establishing Jeremy’s character. Specifically, how they dive around turning him into another victim of the dreaded white savior trope.

[Not for Broadcast spoilers beneath cut 🫡]

Personally, I think Jeremy separates himself from falling into this trope in two ways. The first, and the most simple of the two, is Megan’s presence and character. Though she starts out being the culture correspondent without much political or cultural sway, she inevitably rises to the same position Jeremy once held of being the country’s most beloved and trusted news anchor. Despite having this position, she hardly treats it the same way that Jeremy did before her.

She’s willing to use her power to benefit Advance- and by extension, herself. She understands that the country trusts her, and uses her position on Channel One to placate them, lulling them into a false sense of security and compliance. She acts in every way Jeremy wouldn’t- and while she comes to her senses as the world begins to crumble around her, she made a bold departure from Jeremy’s ethics in a way that has explicit consequences.

Not saying that Megan is white, because she isn’t- or her actress isn’t, at any rate- but she hits every other beat that Jeremy hits in regards to power and influence, and by introducing a character who does it wrong, it’s way easier to digest a character who does it right. It doesn’t feel as out of the blue. In many ways, Megan is a great foil for Jeremy’s character.

The second (and more important) element of Jeremy that stops him from drifting into the white savior trope is the way that he weaponizes his defiance. I’m not sure if it was written intentionally or not, but Jeremy is a really great example of being an ally to those around him- regardless of if it’s in regards to race, or status, or gender.

Jeremy is acutely aware of how much influence he has over people around him. He knows how much his word matters to those who watch Channel One- he knows the National Nightly News is the station everyone trusts. And so, when he is asked by everyone around him to throw his morals to the wayside for the sake of Advance, he refuses and defies them in whatever way he can.

He addresses the power outages and resource shortages directly, despite being scripted to treat them as alleged claims. He outright goes off-script after J-Zuss’ performance to tell their viewers that the NNN will never silence ideals. Even when he has to endorse things like the Team Membership Cards or transition centers, he twists the knife just enough to elude to his disapproval, even if he can’t say the quiet part out loud.

But he also goes out of his way to abide by his moral compass even to his own detriment. And I think that’s a really important- and potentially even overlooked- element of his character.

The entire reason he has a gun during the Heatwave broadcast in the first place is because he wrestled it off an officer. And why did he wrestle it off an officer? Because he was silencing one of his guests- arresting them for speaking their mind- and violently retaliating when his friends tried to help. Even when Truman was practically slandering him- accusing him of being the Advance bootlicker he would rather die than become- push comes to shove, Jeremy would rather scrap with an officer than stay silent and passive.

Jeremy Donaldson is not a passive man. Because he is aware that passiveness is the same thing as compliance. He is aware that staying silent about Advance is the same thing as endorsing them. He is aware that not helping is the same thing as harming. And his moral compass will not allow him to become a blunt instrument for Advance to wield.

The CCO would have tackled and arrested anyone else who dared to get in the way of his work. But no one would dare hurt Jeremy Donaldson- especially not on live television.

The security team in the Heatwave B route would have gunned anyone else down in a matter of seconds. But they wouldn’t dare do that to Jeremy Donaldson. They give him a countdown- hell, the even slow down their counting to give him more time to come to his senses.

Because they know the power he has over the country. Because they can’t just put their boot on his neck and bully him like they bully everyone else.

I found it very fascinating that Alan’s race was meant to play a critical part in his position as a pawn to the dark side of Disrupt. How he was supposed to be a pied piper for people of color, lulling them into a dance sense of security so they could all be rid of once Advance was out of the picture. Admittedly, I bristled a little bit when I realized the new, race-related layer that added to Jeremy specifically being the one to expose Disrupt for who they really are. But, when looking at his character in a deeper light, I feel like it’s hard to see him as a standard issue of the white savior printing press.

Jeremy, to me, is a great example of a white ally protagonist. He weaponizes his position of power for the purpose of good- does things that other people can not do for the purpose of good. I feel like I don’t see a lot of characters written that well in most media- especially not explicitly political medias like this one.

[mania-sama]

trick or treat!! =)

love the emoticon! the candy you've gracefully drawn is... a crossover! interesting, i wonder what kind... ah, yes! what gods i think the haikyuu characters are children of, in reference to percy jackson lore. i'm doing specifically the greek cabins (so, none of the gods that don't officially have any cabins, just to simplify things). but if i have any extra insight/thoughts on some of the other series (roman, norse, or egyptian) for the character, then i will give them.

i'm not doing all of the characters, just a select few that i can think of off the top of my head from most (not all) of the main high school teams:

KARASUNO

Hinata: Hermes, god of travelers and thieves, and often referred to as the "messenger of the gods". Now, I debated heavily on whether or not he would be a son of Hermes or Apollo, as Apollo is the embodiment of all things bright, but I think it is much more important that the speed aspect of Hinata's character is acknowledged. Additionally, Hermes... gets around. There are a lot of his kids, and at the beginning of the series, everybody who was unclaimed went to the Hermes cabin. Haikyuu is about, first and foremost, starting at the bottom and rising to the top. Literally, the main character's quote, "I'm Hinata Shoyo, from the Concrete." Nobody expects anything of him, as a child of Hermes. And then he proves that he can fly. Or, in Percy Jackson terms, be really cool and really important and have cool amazing powers, or something like that. He defies all expectations and fate itself and becomes someone worth listening to. He's like Luke, if Luke weren't so, hm, evil. I guess. And if he were a bit younger, more full of youthful life.

Kageyama: Apollo, god of archery, prophecy, healing, and disease, amongst many other things. I really went back and forth with him. Every god I thought of didn't seem right, but out of all of them, Apollo seems the most right (he very nearly got assigned Athena, but I think he is a little too stupid for that). He has natural talent, and I think that is something children of Apollo are blessed with. They are naturally talented at a great many things, and Kageyama was blessed with a natural talent of handling a volleyball. It's that disconnect from his peers that set him off. When people look at him, with his abilities and his unintentional controlling demeanor, they feel not just jealousy, but anger at the fact that he can't seem to get down at their level. That is the journey Apollo goes on in the Trials of Apollo, where he has to align himself with mortals and work with them, not just control them and make them do his bidding. The king has to become the peasant, and that is the same thing Kageyama has to go through. I am not here to say that Kageyama intentionally flaunts his power and precision and abilities, but he does do it, and it is something that he has to actively work through. Also, I think it pissed Oikawa OFF that Kageyama is a child of Apollo because Oikawa wanted to be that lmao.

Daichi: Hephaestus, god of fire and craftsmanship. I am NOT going to imply that he is ugly. He is not. My choice for him being a child of Hephaestus is not on any technical level; nothing about his character implies or shows that he's skilled with creation in any capacity. No, what it's interesting about Hephaestus is that, essentially, he provides the weaponry and tools that the gods use. When something breaks or needs repairing, he is the god the other gods turn to. He is the survivor of being thrown off of a cliff, you see. He is the foundation of the other gods. He is underrated; when you take away that foundation, the gods are left to stumble. Hephaestus can also have a certain level of wrath. He takes a lot, but he can also give a whole lot back in return. You don't get on Hephaestus' bad side. So, obviously, Daichi, as "Karasuno's foundation", would be a child of Hephaestus. He is that steady, important figure to stabilize and provide the tools needed for success for the rest of the team. Also, I think he played with fire as a kid. Sue me.

Nishinoya: Hermes, god of travelers and thieves. Originally, I had him clocked as a child of Hephaestus, but the more I explained it, the more I realized that, no, he is a child of Hermes. The reason why I thought Hephaestus was because of how much he reminds me of Leo Valdez (sans the insane levels of insecurity). But then I reconsidered. He is a menace to society. Children of Hermes are, in text, menaces to society. He's a fast little fucker, the guardian deity of the Karasuno. He came up with the quickest ways to get under the ball and back up to the air. The most damning evidence, though, is who he becomes in the timeskip. A traveler. He's all around the world, bringing himself and his love of volleyball with him wherever he goes. He's taking pictures, meeting new people, and having the time of his life. If he is not a child of Hermes, then Hermes is not the god of travelers, plain and simple.

Tsukkishima: Aphrodite, goddess of physical love and beauty. This mainly stems from how Riordan wrote the children of Aphrodite, who, for lack of better terms, are generally described as catty bitches in the first series. They also happen to be beautiful, and while I personally think Tsukkishima is... unattractive... I recognize that, canonically, he is attractive. For some reason. Anyway, many of the children of Aphrodite have the ability to use charmspeak, a type of hypnotism using words that can "convince" another person to do something that they want. Tsukkishima is most often featured using his words. He's not an incredibly physical person; when he wants to fight with someone, he does so using biting, venomous words. When he defends Yamaguchi in their backstory, he does so using intimidation in his words. He convinces them away. Also, Tsukkishima is a catty, mean character, but he is not without the positive attributes that redeem him, along with many of the Aphrodite children characters in the series.

AOBA JOHSAI

Oikawa: Athena, goddess of wisdom and war. I seriously debated him in putting him in another spot (Hades or Apollo, mainly), but I ultimately think he is a child of Athena, through and through. He is the head of his cabin, 100% percent, just like he is the captain of his team. He and Iwaizumi are the only ones I'm really going to bother mentioning for cabin heads, and that is because I have a very specific idea in my head, and thusly needs to be spoken into existence. Anyway, he is the strategist of his team. He sees the enemy across the court, and he is breaking them down in his mind. He is twisting their weaknesses in his head, and he is coming up with the strategy needed to win. But, another interesting thing to note when it comes to children of Athena, that the only thing they truly have is their minds. The smarts in their heads. They have no fun powers that may put them above their peers. They are "powerless". They can't control water, fire, or the wind itself. They can only strategize. I think this is important when it comes to Oikawa's character. He is someone who has had to fight to where he is, someone who was born with no natural talent, but forged it with his home-grown flames. That is a child of Athena. That is someone who will do everything to grow themselves into someone worth noticing, and someone who will do it well, and someone who will eventually win the war, no matter the battles that will be lost along the way (i.e. his eventual success to the Olympics in 2021). Not EVEN to mention the whole “pride” fatal flaw that Athena children tend to suffer from.

Iwaizumi: Ares, god of war. I want to make a special note that he is the head of his cabin, not only because he is strong, but he is also incredibly level-headed for a child of Ares. His violent side shines through, though; he is not a child of Ares for no reason. He is here because his first instinct to solve a problem is always going to be physically aggressive. To get sense through Oikawa's head, he bashes his forehead into his nose. He shakes him senseless, lobs volleyballs at his head, and is the deadly ace of his team. He is a child of Ares, and he is also best friends with the child of Athena, who's wisdom rubs off on him from time to time. Together, they make a deadly pair. Separate, they are strong, and they will war against each other with no end in sight (it is said that, when on opposing sides, neither Athena nor Ares can conquer or win over each other. They always come to a stalemate, regardless of what happens in PJO's capture the flag).

Hanamaki: Hecate, goddess of witchcraft, usually (though not by law) associated with darker magic like necromancy. You already KNOW he's cooking up some devious spells. He's got a whole book on how to ruin Oikawa's days through subtle, inconveniencing spells. He's learned how to quickly summon worms from the ground to invade Oikawa's tea in the morning. This is EXACTLY some type shit he would get up to.

Matsukawa: Hypnos, god of sleep. Oh, and you already KNOW he's right there beside Hanamaki to cause mayhem. They are the Stoll brothers 2.0., except completely unrelated, even by godly parentage. They are just best friends here to cause chaos for any camper they think is having too-good of a day. He's definitely invading Kyoutani's dreams and turning them into rainbow-glitter nightmares.

Kyoutani: Ares, god of war. Who else? Really, I want you to think of a more creative god to put this violent boy under. That's right, you CAN'T. He is the stereotypical Ares child. This is why he looks up to Iwaizumi so much, and really only listens to him (and why Oikawa chastises him so much); he really wants to prove to Iwaizumi that he is a great child of Ares. Really, though, he's just like the rest of them. Maybe just a tad more temperamental, though.

NEKOMA

Kuroo: Iris, goddess of communication and the rainbow. Now, you may be thinking, what the fuck, Mania? Where is this coming from? YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND. He was... very close to being a child of Athena, but I think his policy of "lowering the net", to teach everyone the love of volleyball and to give people the opportunity to do what they love the best that they can is vital to Kuroo's character. He becomes an organizer in the timeskip. He is actively pursuing his dream of bringing volleyball to everyone that he can, and I think that is so very, very important. He is the communicatory from the volleyball world (the gods) to everyone else who may just be an onlooker (mortals). He teaches those like Tsukkishima that volleyball is something that can be loved, not just played. He is the rainbow bridge bringing that love to everyone. Maybe she's not as cool or as sophisticated as the rest of the gods and cabins, but I want you to consider this: the demigods communication throughout the series was solely through Iris' rainbows. When her rainbows went down, nobody was able to talk to each other. Nobody. Everybody was in chaos, mayhem was tearing them apart. Nobody could get information quickly to point A and point B, all because they didn't have Iris' rainbows. Nobody would think to love or recognize her until she is gone. After all, you don't love or recognize breathing, do you?

Kenma: Hades, god of the underworld and the dead. I don't really have the best explanation for this other than the fact that I know this is right in my BONES. The way he interacts with other people just gives me child of Hades vibes. He's the brother of Nico di Angelo and Hazel Levesque and that is FINAL. Whenever I think of him, I think of the way, when he gets into whatever he's doing, he gets serious. Deadly. The way his gaze cuts over you, and the way you feel it gutting you inside out. The panel where he cages Hinata? So banger, so child of Hades. Not only that, but everyone kind of assumed he would do nothing with his life. Constantly playing games on his phone, never directing his energy into anything "productive" for society or for his physical health. And then, he has fun with volleyball. He grows up to be an extremely successful adult, CEO of his own company with thousands of fans at his beck and call. I think, when people saw Nico at his lowest, they figured he would be nothing and do nothing with his life. And then, he hones his power and becomes insanely strong, even if that strength comes at a price. I don't know how else to explain this, but Hades feels right to me and I make the laws around here, so. Yeah.

FUKURODANI

Bokuto: Zeus, god of the sky and thunder, more generally referred to as the "god of the gods". Listen. LISTEN to me. You HAVE to see the vision. When he goes to spike, the air CACKLES. It breaks, and the world shifts to recognize Bokuto as he flies. There is a reason that Akaashi is quoted to say, "We are the protagonists of this world." Why, when Bokuto is in the middle of the game, he says, "World, lend me your powers!" He embodies power, in my opinion, more than Ushijima or Sakusa ever did (who are both ranked, officially, above Bokuto in their high school days). It's clear that Furudate wanted to create a character that could embody that power, that victory, that all-importance, and he did that through Bokuto. You could argue Ushijima, but I think two things can be true at the same time. Bokuto is essentially a friendly version of Ushijima. Additionally, Zeus was known to have a temper. He was... an interesting... god, in the nicest way to put it. Bokuto's mind swings, and his incapability to reel in his emotions during his high school career, reflects Zeus neatly. And as a last little note, Bokuto graduated college, and nobody really knows how. If Zeus were a person, I kinda think that's how it would be for him, too. If you've read Percy Jackson, or really read any of Zeus' myths and legends, you'll see what I'm talking about. Not really the academic type, that one.

Akaashi: Nemesis, goddess of revenge. It also important to note that she is also considered a goddess of balance. To take something, you also have to give something. If you commit an act of violence, you will be aptly rewarded with violence in return. This is a little bit hard for me to explain, because it seems more obvious to align him with Athena. However, I think that balance is what really draws me to coin him as a child of Nemesis. He knows exactly where that push and pull is. He knows exactly when it is time to give and to take, when it is time to be mean or to be forgiving. A lot of people forget, I think, that Akaashi is not always kind to Bokuto. He joined Fukurodani to play with Bokuto, sure, but he is not a yes-man. He basically babysits Bokuto throughout the entirety of high-school. Handles him. Makes a list of his faults and strengths, and acts accordingly. Takes and gives to create balance. And that is how I view Nemesis, as the handler of the gods. She holds them accountable. She holds everyone accountable. (A more direct equivalent would be Themis, but she is... not an option.)

SHIRATORIZAWA

Ushijima: Jupiter, god of the sky and thunder, more generally referred to as the "god of the gods". No, I'm not even going to ENTERTAIN him as a child of a Greek god. In actual mythology, Jupiter and Zeus were really the same god. But in the book series, Jupiter is, essentially, a more orderly version of Zeus. Maybe not calmer, but more orderly. Camp Jupiter is also militaristic, organized, thorough. They train hard and expect great things of other people. I cannot think of any place that describes Ushijima and his mindset better. He is a child of Jupiter. People place their high expectations onto him, and he has nothing else to do but to follow through in their demands. He spikes hard, he plays hard, and he leads hard. People follow by his example, because they cannot help but to bask in his strength and glory. That is a child of Jupiter, per the Roman gods of Percy Jackson. And out of all of these that I have listed, I am the most sure of this decision.

Tendou: Tyche, goddess of luck and chance. While that may be his Greek cabin, I should like to add that I think he is, more clearly, a child of Loki (norse god of trickery), per Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard. People bullied Tendou as a child. He was the freak, the monster under your bed, and he eventually grew into it. I think, in Valhalla, he is treated much the same way. People skirt around him because he is a child of Loki, the trickster god, the one set to bring down Asgard and the entire Norse mythological population... or something like that. I don't know. I'm not entirely up-to-date with Norse mythology. ANYWAY. He is a child of Loki, plan and simple. But he is also a resident of Valhalla. Despite what everyone says about him, he died a warrior's death. He died as a hero on a battlefield, the battlefield being a corner of a street in Japan where be bravely took a knife to his chest defending a child. He is a worthy man. He just also happens to be a trickster as well. I cannot think of a better summary for Tendou than that; the boy who could predict the freak quick attacks at every move, who sang unusual, eerie songs to piss off the people around him, who lets the term freak roll off of him, since he's now so used to it. I think he is someone who likes to play the occasional prank, who won't actually let a slight against him slide, should it be serious enough. Who would come up with the most creative way to get revenge on someone who punched him in the nose, in his late teenage years. Yes, that is who Tendou is.

Goshiki: Ares, god of war. I've already explained extensively how I think about Ares and his children, so I fear this should be obvious. Also, he seems more to be a child of Mars, the Roman god of war, just purely for that militaristic, orderly fashion that the Roman camp goes by in the books. I should explain that I've always viewed Ares/Mars to be a rip-off of Zeus/Jupiter. Literally the god children were born to because Uncle Rick couldn't overpopulate the Zeus/Jupiter cabins more than he already did. So, yeah. Goshiki is striving to be the ace of Shiratorizawa, following directly in Ushijima's footsteps. He's just a more volatile, rip-off version of Ushijima (no hate to Goshiki, and I sincerely apologize for my words to all Goshiki fans. But this is how I believe. He is funny for this exact reason. A blood-lusted, temperamental version of Ushijima). He is a child of Mars, through and through.

INARIZAKI

Kita: Demeter, goddess of agriculture. Is this a bit of a gimme? Sure, but it's a gimme for a reason. Demeter absolutely fits him well. In Percy Jackson, Demeter is one of the cabins that's severely overlooked, in my opinion. We don't get much on their characters until we hit Meg, who's lineage to Demeter is very non-relevant due to all of the stuff she has going on with Nero. Likewise, as he is in the series/manga, Kita is a severely underestimated character until we see just how impactful he is on the court. In his story, he doesn't even get a jersey until high school. And then, suddenly, in his third year, he's made captain? He's the example, what people should follow if they want to succeed. Likewise, people worshipped Demeter for their harvest, which was absolutely essential to their lives in Ancient Greece. Then, of course, Kita grows up to be a farmer. That plays a part in my decision, too.

Atsumu & Osamu: Nike, goddess of victory. It would be too much of a gimme to compare them to the Stoll brothers. Really, I don't think they are that much alike the Stoll Twins, so they do not get the Hermes cabin. They are so clearly children of victory that it HURTS. I think, despite their obvious hunger to win, the dead give-away is the amount of pain and anger Atsumu was in when Osamu told him he wouldn't be going pro. To Atsumu, he and Osamu were his ideas of victory. He thought that the only way to win was together. When that broke, he felt like Osamu was admitting defeat, and bringing Atsumu down with him. He felt like Osamu was preventing their victory, their chances to win and their chances at ever bathing in the glory of competition ever again. Because that is also a give-away of their parentage; their competitive streaks. As much as victory is important together against other people, they are also striving to be victorious over each other (i.e. Osamu's bet to Atsumu to see who will be the happier twin). When you think of Miya Twins, only one word should ever come to your mind: Victory.

Aran: Apollo, god of archery, prophecy, healing, and disease, amongst many other things. But, I am not very confident about this. Why? Well, I sat with him for a really long time and pondered what cabin he would be in. Nothing felt right, and I was juggled between many options. And then I realized, oh my God, he is a magician for SURE. He is definitely an avatar of Horus, Egyptian god of the sky and (somewhat) the sun, per the Kane Chronicles. It's been a while since I've read any of the Kane Chronicles books, and I have never truly finished the series, not for the fault of not finding it interesting or good, it's just never worked out. So unfortunately, I don't have as much insight as I do for many of the other characters. However, I will provide this: Aran has a slightly different energy than Bokuto and Ushijima, but he is still powerful in much the same ways they are. His energy is very similar, but it's not the same. They are Roman and Greek, who were pretty much the same gods in actual mythology. Horus is a little different; Horus is the son of the sun, Ra. He is a leader of the gods, and in some tales, he is considered the "god of the gods", kind of. And that's all I really have; I just KNOW this is right. Trust me.

ITACHIYAMA

Sakusa: Apollo, god of archery, prophecy, healing, and disease, amongst many other things. Yes, the jokes write themselves. He is a top two ace. His precision and speed is deadly accurate, with insanely flexible wrists. He is a cutie patootie. I mean, LOOK at him. That is an attractive man. He does not obtain some of the other qualities that Apollo children may have (namely, comfortably at the center of attention), but that does not mean he isn't one. I look at the way he cares for his health and well-being, constantly donning a mask and worrying about germs. I look at his strengths and the way he analyzes other people, slamming the ball like Apollo sends an arrow into Achilles' heel. His words tear into you, breaking you down and all your weaknesses. He demands to know more, because Apollo is the god of prophecy and knowledge, a god that inherently bestows curiosity into all of his children. Sakusa's curiosity just tends to come off more, ah, aggressively. I guess.

[yoroshiu]

Sora: Expectations vs Reality (Coded vs KH1, CoM, and 3D)

Another Sora analysis because I can't help myself haha (help). But there's been a couple of posts that talked about this topic and it's really rewired my brain, so I also want to take a stab at it. I feel like this isn't something that's looked into/analyzed as much compared to other interpretations of KH's narrative, especially in terms of Sora, or at least I haven't seen it as much across platforms in a mainstream sense (though I do think it's been on the rise in recent times).

So if you're willing to bear with me, then get ready for another long post!

As the title indicates, and as mentioned, other people have brought up, Data-Sora creates an in-universe (and IRL) set of expectations for the actual Sora. While Coded is technically a rehash of KH1 and CoM's plot to an extent (hence its reputation besides its amazing gameplay), the point is to gather and present the stakes KH2, Days, and BBS introduced and set up what Sora's goals are going to be leading into 3D and 3.

The way it chooses to do so is to put a simulated Sora to the test, to see if he can "handle the hurt" and while he manages to do so, as many others have pointed out, Data-Sora's decision about remembering the pain to connect to others contradicts Sora's decision to forget at the end of CoM. Coded dictates that Sora can handle the pain of those within him and/or those who need to be saved. But 3D contradicts that as well. Many say that this indicates a potential point in Sora's development as a character and person, and while I agree, I want to focus on what has shaped him to this point in the first place. I must add, though, that Sora in 3, in terms of what he knows/is aware of by the end, understands a lot more than I've seen some people give him credit for, but this is another opinion in of itself.

Reading full-on long paragraphs might make this even harder to get through so I'll try to place some parts in bullet points (I get info-overloaded easily sometimes due to long paragraphs too ToT):

Coded, as said before, while initially having Data-Sora find/fix the missing/corrupted data in Jiminy's Journal (KH1 aspect), turns into a test to see if Sora can handle the "hurt" of the people he needs to save (CoM aspect).

Data-Sora proves he is willing to take on that "hurt" and can handle it. Which Sora by KH3/ReMind also manages to show.

But this neglects a few things about Sora's character before that point:

Data-Sora in the first part of Coded has guidance from Mickey, Donald, Goofy, and Data-Riku especially D and G who have experienced their KH1 development and are currently ride-or-die for him. The KH1 experience ends up being different for him.

Even though he fights Data-Riku, it can be chalked up to the bugs/possession rather than anything malicious, which contrasts with real Riku before the Ansem possession.

Data-Sora losing his keyblade happened due to Maleficent rather than Riku. Rather than Goofy and Donald leaving him, he's the one that storms off and even then they go after him.

When we get to the CoM portion, Data-Sora doesn't have his memories of what happened in the first half, hence he goes straight to Castle Oblivion without the KH1 experience (also he's initially guided by Mickey, Data-Riku, and Data-Roxas)

In this case, it's a test of strength rather than what happened in CoM where Marluxia and Larxene hoped to break Sora to make him their puppet.

Data-Sora went to the KH1 worlds in each room and was made to forget right after getting through each one

But Sora had his memories from even before the first game actively messed with, while also being made to believe that it was the real Riku attacking him. All of that happened without much guidance from anyone.

What this shows is that while Data-Sora is the ideal outcome of Sora's development, I think as a narrative that presents trauma (intentionally and unintentionally), it emphasizes what the real Sora has been through. Theoretically, had things gone differently for Sora, and he had a proper support system on these journies, he would have been able to make the "right" choice. But he didn't have that. He had to figure a lot of things out and had to pull himself through. In a way, it feels unfair to some extent and it creates the expectations vs reality aspect.

And I believe this comes to fruition in 3D:

Organization XIII successfully overwhelms Sora, his heart ends up breaking under the emotional stress of all the people he's connected to as he's pulled into deeper sleep.

It especially sucks considering that the Mark of Mastery Exam was actively messed with in an outright attempt to break Sora (again).

His failure of the exam makes sense considering he couldn't overcome the Darkness in this real-world application like Riku, but it leaves such a bitter taste, right?

(The logistics of the exam can be argued ngl. Isn't it wild that all cases of the exam we've seen have had an external force get involved and have irrevocable damage on the test takers? Taking lives and souls fr.)

So what we get is a failure of those expectations (at least initially). Reality is much more harrowing and vicious. And that's such an interesting thing to do narratively, it feels purposeful. It establishes a depth to Sora that isn't fully seen and even adds to the concept of Data-Sora being his own existence by extension. By KH3, Sora's low self-esteem is directly shown to us and stems from the reality of his journey. He has a lot of unaddressed scars and while the characters view him as a beacon of hope out of love and respect, many of us acknowledge how harmful that's been to him in the most specific ways.

I really, really hope that the upcoming games build on this and address it, because it'd be so satisfying to see all of this acknowledged and explored! It would feel fitting for Sora to go to Unreality and face the reality of himself.

(I'm sorry if this was incoherent, I'm bad at collecting my thoughts on the spot...I'm open to corrections and additional thoughts!)

[hollyhomburg]

Before I Leave You (Pt. 53)

(Sneak Peek)(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: A snippet of the future- a flash forward- in which you and jimin reach an...agreement. 

Tags: pleasure dom Jimin, pillow princess m/c, oral (f. receiving), fingering, knotting, talks of gender and sex, Talks of killing people, talking ill of the dead, assassin! jimin, implied autistic! jimin, Flash Forwards, intentionally vague moments

W/c: 7.770

A/n: please be patient with me regarding the rut chapter ie the chapter after this one! i’m visiting my brother next week in LA so!!! things will take some time. hopefully this little jimin nugget will tide you over. although this isn’t the most unique sex chapter i do really like it. in the meantime! recommend me some stuff to do in la! i’m hoping it’s going to be a restful trip but ngl...it’s not looking great.... i don’t like planning things that other people are going to potentially not enjoy 😠 i’m meant to be a passenger princess threw and threw 

Previous Chapter - Masterlist

Chapter 53: I’d do Worse (Sneak Peak)

Jimin promptly takes one of the tubes of paint, a light blue- the same light blue that you ended up painting the upstairs bathroom, and squishes it out onto the canvas below you. Near your hand but not on it.

The breath you were holding rushes out in a single jagged laugh, “Okay, now I’m lost- I thought the whole point of the plastic and drop cloths was not to get paint on them.”

The look he shoots you asks you to suspend your disbelief. Especially once he starts doing that to all the other colors. He continues to drop careful splotches of paint around you. Enough that it would take a lot of concentration to get out of the room without tracking dark blue or pink or yellow or red halfway across the house.

You wonder what exactly Jimin plans to do to you. Paint included. He puts out a spurt of yellow paint on your side and then another. 

Surely sooner rather than later, noodle is going to wander in here in search of a pool of sunlight, track his paws or tail through the paint, and leave pawprints everywhere throughout the house. Yoongi will probably complain about them, but you might make him keep them instead of washing them away. 

When he’s finished, Jimin turns a yellow tube over in his hands. Back and forth, the cap flashing like a rising and setting small yellow sun. jimin’s voice is low when he speaks, near reverent. “You’re the first woman I was ever with- that I ever knew I was with.” 

It’s an admission and an admonishment, one that you and the rest of your pack have been tiptoeing around. Even though Tae’s a woman now- she hadn’t always been- at least not in a way the pack could compensate for. While new lines in the sand are drawn that doesn’t mean the old lines totally fade away. It will take a few more cycles of low and high tide to completely grow used to this.

Jimin fiddles with a small red tube of paint. “I’m a rigid person, I know I am. i don’t like change most of the time and I know, I know things shouldn’t be so planned, I know that’s not the way things usually go but-” You nuzzle close to Jimin, and his words extinguish into a sigh, his hands coming up to your sides, the same place he always likes to hold, between your shoulder blade and your ribcage.

“But you need them to be this way sometimes. Planned? so you can make sure everything’s done right” You press. 

He bristles, “If you’re expecting me not to say that I want everything to be perfect when I can make it that way then-”

“You’re such a control freak Minnie.” you say it with a smile, playing your fingers through some of the milky pink white, feeling the tackiness between your fingers.

“You don’t hate it?”

You shrug. “Jin’s that way too sometimes. So no, I guess I don’t hate it. Maybe it’s just because I like- really fucking hate making decisions.”

He grimaces, but Jimin’s eyes dart from your face down to your crossed legs. settling on something. “Do you care if those clothes get dirty?”

“A little- I like these shorts.”

“then you should take them off.” your heart thuds as jimin leans over you, tugging on the strap of your Tanktop with his teeth, lips pressed to the bare skin of your shoulder, dragging them down. He plays at being sexy but decides not to be, settling for leaning his cheek on your shoulder and watching you. 

“I had kind of this stupid idea, if you don’t want to do it just say so. This is every shade of pink that we ever painted the house. Tae’s favorite color is pink- and the canvas- i thought it might be nice to have like- some art in her library room- that’s what I meant about making it planned.”

“Are you saying you want to make sex art or something?” Jimin blushes yet again. You should be keeping track of how many times he has and use them for leverage. 

“You know gift giving is like, my second love language if that bullshit is to be believed and-”

“-Oh my god you actually do want to make sex art.”

Coming Saturday May 6th at 5pm EST (Time Zone Adjustments Below)