#it feels like a premise for a very dumb monster movie
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biggest cheese

A stupid pun that my brain cooked up at 4am
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What are your thoughts on mascot horror franchises other than FNAF? Such as Poppy Playtime and Bendy? (Those two feel like they form a “big three” with FNAF.)
I think it's objectively funny that Five Nights at Freddy's managed to capture the "every entry of this franchise was written by different people who did not actually watch the previous installments and do not give a single shit about having a coherent continuity" problem of slasher movie franchises like Friday the 13th despite the fact that, at least for the first several entries, it was all written by one guy.
Like, the problem first became apparent when FNAF 2 decided it was a prequel instead of a sequel as a Clever Twist when everything about it would have made SO much more sense as a sequel, but it became a true clusterfuck when FNAF 4's whole premise was clearly about the much-talked-about "Bite of '87" incident only to end by saying ACTUALLY it was about a DIFFERENT bite incident from 1983. Like, it went out of its way to make less sense for no reason, and it was all written by one guy! Just one guy! Very dumb in a fascinating way.
Anyway, overall I feel apathy to the Mascot Horror genre. I think it's good that there is horror that's explicitly aimed at kids - kids like horror, and they haven't really had much horror that's catered to them since Goosebumps went out of fashion and Are You Afraid of the Dark? went off the air. They should get to have fun thinking about scary monsters and super creeps.
But, like, at the same time, so much of Mascot horror just feels really low effort? It's the horror equivalent of Cocomelon, which kinda sucks. I wish we could get the Horror Equivalent of, like... what's a good kid's show I can compliment without hordes of people showing up in my inbox calling me a fascist sympathizer? Adventure Time? I wish we could get the horror equivalent of Adventure Time. I mean, we kinda have it already since a lot of Adventure Time episodes are little horror stories in their own right. Hmm... the horror equivalent of Undertale, maybe? IDK.
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Random update on my journey to become a pretentious film buff:
I've been trying to push for a movie a day, at least. Sometimes two if I'm lucky. Sometimes none if I'm lazy. But after my last post where I watched the entire Alien Franchise (sans AvP and Romulus), here's what I've been watching:
Psycho: Yes, I finally watched the original Psycho. To be honest, I've always had a problem watching older movies, so I was surprised at how easy it actually was to watch this one. It was pretty good, though perhaps for the wrong reason. I was honestly laughing through most of it over just how bad these people were at committing crimes and getting away with them. Like that girl was acting so incredibly sus in front of that cop for no good reason. Anyways, 4/5 stars I guess (I'm using Letterboxd to keep track of this).
X & Pearl: In case you don't know, those are two separate movies but they're related via the main character. I watched X first, and Pearl second. Not sure what the intended order of it actually was though, but whatever. It wasn't too bad in that order. Both I thought were pretty good, though I kind of preferred X to Pearl because I thought the "antagonist" motivations in X were...let's just say unique. I can't recall a time where I've seen that particular motivation used. I gave X a 3/5.
Pearl was still pretty good, I just liked X better. Unless you're an idiot like me, the connection between these two movies is pretty obvious, but it tripped me up at first so I didn't wind up understanding it until the very end. Anyways, this movie's good. 3/5 stars (these are arbitrary lol).
Boy Kills World: The one and only non-Horror movie I watched recently. I'm not exactly trying to focus on horror, it's just sort of accidental at this point. I'm in a horror mood so I'm just bingeing horror movies I haven't seen. I swear I watch other stuff too lol.
Anyways, this movie was about as good as one could probably expect it to be. It's just a cheesy, dumb action flick. The plot is middling, but it works. The plot twist is alright. I didn't see it coming exactly, but I also wasn't like "omg no way, what!?", it was just a thing that happened, ya know? Overall, I think my only criticism is that it felt like it was missing a second act. Bill Skarsgard is insanely nice to look at throughout the entire movie though so that's a plus. 3 1/2 stars.
Brightburn: I'm gonna be honest, I didn't care for this movie. It tries to go with the whole "bad guys win" ending that, to me, just fell flat because I don't really give a shit about the bad guy. I'm not sure if I'm meant to feel for him inherently because he's a child, but he's a pretty boring as fuck child so I wound up not caring when he inevitably won. 2/5 stars.
Smile: This movie was OK, but it really felt like that scenario when someone asks to copy your homework and you tell them to just change a few of the details. The one who's homework they're copying of course is It Follows. They have very similar premises, only instead of the monster passing through sex like a shitty STD, this monster passes through trauma like a shitty ex. Personally, I think It Follows did it better. 3/5 stars.
The First Omen: The last on this update, I just finished this right before writing this and it was alright? So, perhaps controversially, I've yet to see The Omen (watching it literally as I type this) so this movie didn't do much for me. I understand it's setting up The Omen though, so that's where the supposed payoff is, but I personally think movies should be able to stand up by themselves, even if they're connected to a franchise, and I'm not sure this one does.
This movie left me confused. It focuses hard on this young girl, leading you to believe she's vitally important and you reasonably assume she's the key figure or "MacGuffin" in this movie, only for us to find out that she's not, and it's actually the main character who's the important one. But then I'm left wondering why I spent the last hour and a half of this two hour movie focused on a red herring.
Not to mention, there's a lingering question I had by the end when everything is burning down which is... if y'all have the actual fucking Devil chained up in your basement as your demonic sperm donor, why the fuck do you need the antichrist so bad?
I'm also just kind of curious about their overall motivations here. Like, we're told that they belong to a different sect of the church who believes that they need to make bad things happen so that more people are drawn to the faith, which at face-value I'm like okay cool, reasonable motivation I guess. But then what is the plan with the antichrist then? They have him get raised by some well-off politician (to set up the Omen) but then what? Presumably you intend to kill him at some point? Is the idea to let him get powerful enough to show everyone he's the legit antichrist, but not so powerful that he doesn't wind up destroying the world like he's meant to? It's just confusing is all, I don't know. Hopefully the Omen explains it. Or the Omen II. Or III. Or IV lol. Anyways, 3/5.
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#HARPERSMOVIECOLLECTION
2024
www.tumblr.com/theharpermovieblog
BAD MOVIE TRIPLE FEATURE pt.2
I watched Septic Man (2013)
It's hard to write a review of something this boring and bad, but I guess I'll try. (I usually don't love to take down smaller films, but this one is too hard to find something I actually like.)
During a water born disease crisis, a worker gets trapped in an underground septic tank, which a serial killer and his giant brother have been using to store dead bodies. Over time the worker begins to hideously transform within his toxic prison.
With a title like "Septic Man", I highly expected a ridiculous Troma-esque movie, made up of pure ridiculousness and lame sleazy jokes. This is not that kind of movie. That would at least be interesting, but god forbid a movie be interesting.
This whole movie takes itself very seriously, despite not being nearly good enough to do so. The worst part of taking itself so seriously and being simultaneously so bad, is that it absolutely destroys any and all fun or enjoyment which a premise like this could have going for it.
Yeah, this movie is kind of gross, but being gross isn't fun enough to make this worth your time. It may surprise you, but watching people puke and shit and play around in shit water isn't exactly engaging enough on it's own.
Why is taking itself seriously so bad for this movie?
When the acting, directing and writing are all sub-par in a film, the hardest thing to pull of is drama. But, despite it's complete lack of good filmmaking, Septic Man doubles down on trying to be a dark and drab drama.
Mostly, the writing here is awful and the worst part of the equation. The movie overcomplicates several simple ideas by jamming them together and not blending them properly. The writing, as a result, never feels cohesive or engaging. It feels dumb and lazy. Like a writer who believes their first draft is good enough and doesn't actually bother to work on structure or character or plot.
Maybe, just maybe, a sense of humor could have made this tolerable. At the end of the day, It's a movie about a man becoming a shit monster, so it would at least create a tone that plays well. But, then again, I'm not sure I want to find out what this writer thinks is funny.
This movie wants to be an emotional drama, but also a gross-out body horror flick, but also a serial killer movie....and it never once puts in the effort to pull off any of this off. It's devoid of any point or meaning or scares or anything interesting.
A serious body horror drama can be done. Director David Cronenberg does it a lot. "The Fly" is a clear example of a smart, brutally dramatic body horror that, despite it's somewhat silly plot, works and works well. The writing and attention to detail and character are there, and therefore create a movie that engages the audience while simultaneously challenging them to keep watching.
"Septic Man" fails everywhere a film like "The Fly" succeeds.
Veteran actors Julian Richings and Stephen McHattie (McHattie is barely in this) both show up in this movie, and both deserve better than shit like this.
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SO's Bookclub: The Other Side of Dark
Title: The Other Side of Dark Author: Joan Lowery Nixon Genre: YA Mystery
Goodreads Summary:
Stacy wakes up in a room that's not hers, in a body she doesn't recognize, to discover she's been in a coma for four years. Her mother is dead ‒ murdered ‒ and Stacy, recovering from a gunshot wound, is the only eyewitness to her mother's murder. She can recall only a shadowy face, so far. But the killer is not about to let her reveal his identity...
Review:
Not going to lie, I was dreading getting to this one. This may have been the first one I read - I remember, as a kid, really finding the hook intriguing. I also remembered it being much more about the drama of Stacy not remembering who she was over the mystery. I was surprised to find that the mystery does talk up about half the book, but still, my tastes of changed, and the premise is no longer something that would interest me.
In fact - everything about this screams Lifetime Movie of the Week. And honestly, I should give Lifetime a break - their movies seem like Oscar winners compared to this... Btw - this book did win a ton of awards. I have no idea why - the 80s clearly had different standards for YA fiction.
Anyway, this book feels like a Frankenstein monster of all of her other books. The main character, Stacy, reminds me way too much of the littler girl (Julie) from The Specter - minus, maybe, some of the sociopathic behavior. She's rightfully traumatized by being in a coma for four years, but she acts not like 13 but instead 9 or 10. She's also really obsessed with her mother's murderer - which makes sense, but his hatred of him is reminiscent of how Julie from The Specter was infatuated to a fault of the guy.
There's also the fact that someone's watching her - and out to get her, much like The Stalker and The Ghosts of Now. And the first half of the book takes place in the hospital, again, much like The Specter. The premise would be somewhat interesting in a much better book. But JLN really stuck to everything she had done before instead of trying something new.
Also - this book has some bonkers issues with reality. First, there's the whole idea that someone could be walking around doing physical therapy for four years and still be in a coma. Why not just give her amnesia? Then - there's the fact that a girl who is now 17 is still functioning like 13yo. Where are all the therapists? Why are they leaving her at home alone without any kind of care? Especially when she's a witness for a murder? And then there's everything associated with finding her mother's murderer -- that's treated so flippantly. Like, what is even going on?
The most egregious thing going on is the fact that her bff from middle school doesn't seem to care at all about Stacy's mental issues -- and is obsessed with make up and parties and is shallowly forcing Stacy into all of these things. Like, dude, get a grip, your friend has been traumatized. Also, while I wish there were more f/f friendships in these books (the heroines always end up confiding in their love interest) the girl friends in these books always end up either dumb or shallow or ignored entirely. I wish JLN would be able to write a proper friendship. C'mon!
I should also mention (as usual) there is a love interest. It's a little weird since she feels like she's 13 and the guy is 23. There's a bit of a twist that prevents it from being utterly creepy, but it's still strange and there some what for obligatory purposes of having a romance.
There are a few suspenseful moments in the novel, and the mystery of who the murderer is makes it at least semi-interesting. This isn't the worst of the worst, but I can't say I had a very enjoyable time reading it either.
Rating: 2 Stars
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•Reading Wrapped 2024•
Books read: 65
Below the cut will be my top 5 Best, Worst and Most Boring Reads!! Enjoy :)
Best:
Exquisite Corpse • William Joseph Martin
I was initially hesitant to read this, because I had a few hangups on the premise. I support queer people making art of their experiences in whatever way they decide it needs to be made, and I'm a sucker for splatterpunk. I fucking LOVE this book. I can't really articulate why I love it so much, sometimes it's borderline campy with it's gore and shock value, and sometimes it really punches you in the gut and makes you have sympathy for absolute monsters like Andrew and Jay. I adored every page of this, and can't say much more about it. I also can't stress enough, READ THE TRIGGERS, my dm's are open or you can find them online, and THEN read it. Unless you know you have a high threshold, I would discourage going into this blind. I'm not your mom though, if you want a campy, nasty gorefest, this is a GREAT book.
I've Been Thinking of Ending Things • Ian Ried
This was put on my list by a YouTuber I watch consistently. Someone had asked his favorite thing on Netflix, and he said this movie, though he liked the book better. After consuming both, I have to agree! The book is a lot sneakier, the sense of dread and confusion hit me harder in the mystery department, whereas the movie just feels chaotic and more on the Thriller genre. Maybe theyre meant to be taken in together and not independently, but having read the book THEN watching the movie, I thoroughly enjoyed both, but the book is just. Better. I can't talk much about the plot because it's just that kind of story, but the audiobook was so good!!!
Migrations • Courtney McConaghy
Judging by the reviews, this book is very polarizing. It seems that you either love it or hate it, and that all hinges on if you like the protag and relate to/sympathize with her. I love Franny and subsequently loved her story here. Migrations is about a woman finding her will to live again after a life of mental illness and trauma over the backdrop of a suicide mission to Antarctica for some birds. Franny is a complicated woman who makes reckless decisions but her internal dialogue reveals a bleeding heart that just WANTS LOVE AND AHH. A lot of the 1-star reviews for this book were about the lack of 'scientific realism' and to that I say, "go read a non-fiction then." Migrations is about characters and relationships and experiences, it tells you exactly the right amount of information without overloading you with details. The prose especially was so SO good; despite a book set primarily on frozen oceans or otherwise cold climates, I always felt warmed by the simple way the story is told.
Dykette • Jenny Fran David
I am at the perfect time in my life to read this. This was EVERYTHING I wanted the Ashley Herring Blake books to be, Blake WISHES she wrote this. She wishes she could capture true sapphic connection, deconstruct gender and sexuality in the unique way that lesbians do it, giving femmes the spotlight they deserve, she WISHES. Dykette has particularly interesting things to say about femme lesbians and their place in the lesbian ecosystem. It's funny, it's sexy, it's modern and contemporary, it makes actual efforts into representation of different kinds of lesbians. This is the first book I've ever read that has a he/him lesbian *as a main character* as well as a black they/them lesbian!! All contained in a quirky slice-of-life, set over the course of a Christmas getaway with an older butch/femme couple. I legitimately believe that every sapphic owes it to themselves to read this if you want a fun time.
The Honeys • Ryan La Sala
You all here already know how much and why I love this book! Check out the review I wrote for it in my other posts!
Worst:
Actually only 4 this year!! Teehee
The Last House on Needless Street • Catriona Ward
Dumb. Dumb book. I had issues with it from the very beginning, because spoiler, this book does a complete 180 at about the halfway point. It *starts* with a serial killer who's kidnapped a girl, and has a cat, with a side story about the little girl's sister hunting her down, taking justice into her own hands and riding into the sunset with her in tow. Lauren/Lulu is our girl in question, and the extent of her injuries and scars are described in shocking, grotusque detail. It's really the only horror in the whole book if you don't count "mental illness scary" as horror. It's revealed that the cat, Olivia, is an alter in Lauren's head, that Lauren has DID and uses Oliva to cope with the abuse. It's revealed even later that Lauren AND Olivia are alter's in THE KILLER'S head, Ted, and HE has DID as a result of his mother's extreme abuse. Why does Lauren look like a melted candle with no function in her legs?? You'd have to ask Ted and the stupid British woman that decided to write this. I wish I could get into everything I hate about this book, but at that point, it would just go on skippy-reads. The only enjoyment I really got from this was any chapter narrated by Olivia, just because I like her and the interjection of gay christian cat antics.
The Patient • Jasper Dewitt
I wish I could go back to whatever video or forum post or even human person who recommended this to me and personally UN recommend it. I'm already tired of the 'reddit story turned book' genre, if you can call it that (yes, I've read Penpal. No, it did not impress or even entertain me) but The Patient pairs that genre/trope with an utter disgusting amount of ableism towards mentally ill people. I wanted to stop reading at every moment, every time a new chapter started, I had to convince myself to keep going and finish it, only through pure stubbornness did I manage. Nothing anyone does at any point makes any fucking sense, nobody makes the decisions that a normal rational person would do, and the ENDING ugh GOD. Knowing what the story is, what it's about, how it ends, I can confidently say that The Patient was a waste of my fucking time. I can only recommend this book if you have ~4 hours to kill and literally nothing else in the world to do. Even still, I may choose to stare blankly at a wall than pick this up again.
Piercing • Ryu Murakami
There's a chance that my opinion of it is skewed bc this was my only form of entertainment while getting my entire chest stabbed continuously for 3 hours, but this was such an annoying story. Unnecessarily grotesque and near constant depictions of child abuse, both physical and sexual, thats being shoved right into your eyeballs while Things Kind Of Happen around two extremely mentally unwell characters. And, no, the mentally ill people are not treated as people, surprising I know. The actual story taking place is interuppted by far too many flashbacks, all of which are the child abuse I just mentioned. Chiaki and Kawashima both take great care to remind us of how unstable they are, how terrible their childhoods were and the horrible things they want to do to each other, that's it, that's the book. Yes, the whole thing, it doesn't even have a proper ending or resolution, the PURPOSE of Kawashima's actions and the story as we know it doesn't even get resolved. It just ends. There were things I liked about it, it kept my attention (a feat in and of itself for an ADHD+dyslexic reader) and I did feel the dread and fear when I was supposed to, but the book as a whole was just not very well executed.
Iris Kelly Doesn't Date • Ashley Herring Blake
Check out my review of this one on this blog! It sucked oh it sucked so bad!
Most Boring
Joyland • Steven King
I'm sometimes tempted to put this in my Bad category, but there were significant parts that I did enjoy. This story can't seem to decide which is more important, the horror aspect or the slice of life. We slip and slide around between the two, so the pacing sort of goes from "dumb teenager going through dumb teenager things while working at an amusement park but it's the 70's so I guess it's cool automatically" to "boring murder mystery with a blink and it's over resolution." I liked the mother character and her son, weird that he's randomly psychic but it IS Steven King, so I'm not that surprised, and a disability rep that I didn't find horribly offensive, but my opinion on that front doesn't really mean all that much, so take that as you will! Overall, bland but palatable. I liked Misery better.
You've Lost a Lot of Blood • Eric LaRocca
I liked LaRocca's other book, Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke, my only actual complaint is that the characters are a little cartoon-y and it's too short, but this one? Oh my God. Not a single character feels like a human being. It sort of benefits being Half Fake, in that the story itself is a book written by our MC, and that story is boring and I didn't care for it. The book in the world I live in written by Eric LaRocca, is kind of funny in some aspects. The main character feels like if James Somerton wrote a book and then someone else wrote a book about that. A highlight was the protag in the MC's fake story, the older sister character, and her arc with her little brother. It had set up, climbing action, and pay off, but we're intentionally left without a satisfying resolution, which was kind of fun. LaRocca could've done better with the rest of the book, though.
Haunted • Chuck Palahniuk
I knew what this was going into it, and it makes sure anyone else would too, upon the second chapter, Guts. I love this genre, but there's nothing that kills me more than when an author just doesn't know what they're doing. This particular work by Palahniuk and also the works of Aron Beauregard are my examples of how NOT to do splatterpunk, just collections of short stories that check off all the grossest and most disturbing things while neglecting to tell an actually compelling story. By the end of Haunted, I was reading the goriest stories I'd ever laid eyes on, and begging for it to just end before I died of boredom. Also, I hate when stories have SA just for shock value, especially the likes of which are present here.
First to Die at the End • Adam Silvera
Where do I even begin. What a boring, tepid, unremarkable, sometimes actively infuriating read. The audiobook made it so much worse, both actors for Valentino and Orion sounded like auditory cardboard, and sometimes the writing is so bad, so cliche I feel like I'm owed one smack on Adam Silvera's head. It would be a hilarious hate-read if I didn't love the first book and its characters so much. I literally don't even remember how it ends specifically, because I just can't get the part where Valentino died at exactly 9:11pm out of my fucking HEAD. Orion's haunted by the events of Sept. 11 (yes, really) because his parents were lost in the trajedy. It's his only personality trait besides his heart condition and that he writes as a hobby. The specificity of such a prominent character trait made me wonder if Silvera had such trauma. I had to investigate, but no, he didn't. He was just in New York when 9/11 happened and was troubled by the what-if's. How tragic, I won't be reading anything by him again unless the madness (morbid curiosity) takes me again.
Into the Drowning Deep • Mira Grant
Seventeen Hours. 448 pages. 38 chapters. This book dragged and slogged like nothing else I've read thus far. Usually I'm fully onboard with mermaids, if a book has mermaids, I'm there. Most of the first half is establishing the many side characters that are going to die in stupid ways anyway, and precisely none of them are interesting enough to carry even a single page. The biology jargon just slides off my brain, the final twist was so incredibly stupid, it felt like Grant just woke up in the middle of the night and wrote it down without thinking of how to fit it into the story at all. I was entertained by the poaching couple because they were hilarious. They'd be much funnier if Grant didn't feel the need to remind us every single time who they are and what their motivations are, and if the person who read this to me didn't put on such a terrible Australian accent. I had some issues with the disability rep here that I'm not gonna get into bc it's not really my place, but I wish Grant could've been more creative with naming the three sister characters. Hally, Holly and Heather? Really? I couldn't keep these names straight to save the life of me.
Honorable Mentions
My Husband • Maud Ventura
Weyward • Emilia Hart
Waif • Samantha Kolesnik
I'll See You Again • Jackie Hance
Pitbull: The Battle over an American Icon • Bronwen Dickey
Black Water Sister • Zen Cho
Your Emergency Contact is having an Emergency • Chen Chen
Raptor Red • Robert T Bakker
The Only Good Indians • Stephen Graham Jones
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Ok, Terminator Zero won me back some in the end. It still has issues, but I do think it's arguably the best Terminator thing since T2. That's a low bar, and I think it may oversell how good this is, but it isn't bad. Spoilery stuff below, but I would say worth checking out.
Ok so the best thing is that, while flirting with the same fucking premise all the movies have done, even when they take place in the future, it does pull away from that midway. It sets up another stop the future from changing man vs. robot fight, but it pivots into essentially an open hearing about whether humanity even deserves to survive. It's an angle that none of the movies proper has taken. We created the evil AI, have we tried not making it evil? Have we tried getting it on our side?
The approach to time travel is pretty much the opposite of the original film's stable time loop, but it's much better the timey wimey crap all the subsequent films have pulled. Straight up, you cannot change your past, all trips to the past yield new timelines. It's frustrating for a second, because like, well why the fuck even do this, but they do cover that. Eventually. More on the pacing later. But yeah, the time travel mostly holds. The goofiest part is probably them talking about all the subsequent attempts made to change history which like... well if it never fucking works why did they try it more than 2 times? It also raises the inevitable question, how do you target timelines? Like Malcolm + Misaki, Eiko, and the Terminator all travel back to the same timeline? How does that work? Presumably Malcolm and Misaki, traveling to the farthest point back would make a new timeline. But that wouldn't affect Eiko's future, so when she goes back, why would it be a timeline with Malcolm and Misaki if they weren't originally in her past? Same with the Terminator. You should have three distinct timelines with future people running around. So nevermind, Time Travel is once again dumb. But they don't totally lose me, because thematically they use it to illustrate that the point of life is not knowing the future.
Pacing yeah, I don't know if this is a problem per se, but the way it buried what the fuck is happening was very annoying. I've been jerked around before. You throw a lot of mystery box shit at me, I'm going to assume you have no idea what the hell you're going to do with it all. That soured me at first. I feel like 30 minutes into the first Terminator you had a crystal clear understanding of everyone's motivation. Ahnold is looking up Sarah Connor's and killing them. He's obviously trying to kill Sarah. By the end of the first big fight Kyle Reese is expositing about future killer robots and shit. To it's credit, Zero does pick up all the pieces and gets them together, but I was juggling all this crap in my brain hoping to god this wasn't going to be like Lost or some crap.
Visually? I loved it. So with all the philosophizing, I was reminded of the Netflix Godzilla Anime trilogy. Those sucked. They took what should have been a slam dunk (Godzilla in a medium where you aren't limited with what you can do on a live action set) and gave us virtually no Monster action to look at. This doesn't do that! In fact it does a shitload of cool ass ideas that the live action Terminators don't! The Terminator modifies itself once in the past. The reveal is actually a shock because it's not an A list actor shown way in advance so people will watch the movie. GORE. Ton of gore!! So many cops get got, and it's bloody as hell.
So embrace the unwritten future! Watch a Terminator thing that isn't the same fucking crap again and again. No Connors? No problem! Oh also I watched it in Japanese, but Timothy Olyphant is apparently in the dub so that's kind of cool.
And since you've read to the end, here's a fun anecdote. My friend's dad dated Linda Hamilton's twin sister in high school (they're from the Eastern Shore!). When the family watched the Terminator, his wife fucking death glared his ass all during the sex scene.
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The Strangers: Chapter 1 Review

I didn't want to watch this movie. I already don't really like slashers, but goddamn did this premise look fucking stupid. "They don't need a reason" just sounds like the writers are bragging about not finishing the script. I almost skipped it using my 'No Sequels, No Prequels' rule, but not only do I think I'm going to eject that rule from this challenge entirely, but it doesn't apply to reboots. Which this is. I haven't seen The Strangers movie from 2008, by the way. And if it's anything like this movie I won't watch it ever, but I spoil my conclusion. Let's get to the review.
What's The Movie About?
Two lovers get stranded in the woods, and they tormented by three masked killers.
What I Like.
There's a scene where the two leads have a heart-to-heart and a couple little moments where they have actual concern for each other and it was very sweet. This movie is also the first time I've heard the song Nights In White Satin by The Moody Blues, and I enjoy that song. I did get a kick at listing every innocuous thing the couple did being the reason that they were going to be killed, and I thought the proposal scene at the end was funny. Both of those things were not intentional on the part of the filmmakers, true, but I'll give the movie credit for it anyway because it's not getting a lot otherwise.
What I Didn't Like.
This movie is not only a checklist of things I don't like about slasher movies, but it also has a cadre of interesting new problems that make it a real slog to watch. I'm gonna split this section into two parts, so let's. Get! CRACKIN'!
First, what I don't like about slashers. I don't think they are scary. At all. I get the idea of a man in a mask with a knife is much more realistic than a ghost or monster, but not only do I think a threat that you can't quite comprehend because it wasn't even believed to EXIST until a few seconds ago is more scary than said man in mask, but it's also more interesting. Plus half the time these movies want us to sympathize with the killer, or at least be happy when the butcher up the ANNOYING AS HELL CHARACTERS. Yes, of course I'm happy to see an annoying character get killed. But I so much would prefer to have enjoyable to watch personalities try to solve a situation, and get sad then they fail and inevitably die. It also doesn't help that all the character are stupid in slashers movies. It's hard to feel sympathy when some dies if it's entirely their own fault. (Also, a lot of slasher have bizarrely puritan ethics. The joke that if you have sex in a horror movie you'll be the first to die is well known, but it also extends to smoking marijuana and the most grievous sin of not being white. Either way, you commit one "sin" and you're next to be on Chuck the Choppin' Man's chopping block. It's really fucked if you think about actually.) And if I don't feel sympathy for the victim of a murder, I don't get scared in the slightest. This, in my opinion, is the biggest way a horror movie can fail. It's not a death knell, I have recommended horror movies that I thought weren't scary. But I always recommend it on the creativity of the film, and/or the fun/spectacle of the violence. And well...
The Strangers fails itself beyond my issue with slashers, mostly because it lack some very important aspects. The first thing it lacks is fun or interesting violence. There are two main, non-killer (kind of) characters. So they are not going to get picked off one by one. Even when they eventually do get killed, it's by a stab to the gut. You know, the most boring way to get murdered. The film is rated R too, so I don't know why they are so coy with the gore. The masked killers of the film spend most of the time just messing around, which leads me to the next thing this movie lacks, any semblance of character intelligence. It's not just the victims in the Strangers, everyone is really fucking dumb. There are several moments where the killers have a perfect opportunity to kill one or both of the victims, but instead just decide to stare at them. Or the camera will pan past something and they're gone. Just like Batman oOoOoOoOh~. "Roan, clearly the killers are trying to mess with their victims. It's probably part of their motivation." Well Buggnutz, not only does half of the 'messing with their victims' go completely unnoticed by said victims, but you just hit the final and biggest aspect that this film is lacking. The Strangers: Chapter 1 lacks context, specifically about the killers. They purposefully did not give the killers any motivation. What they were trying to go for was invoking the horror of random crimes, the (please read the following two words with the thickest sarcasm imaginable) incredibly classy intro makes that clear. But here's the thing. Random violent crimes still have a motive behind them. Sometimes it's an accident, sometimes it's an addition to a robbery, and sometimes it's just because the perpetrator has a mental illness, but it's still a motive. Additionally, fiction has different rules than reality. When you are telling a story, there are certain rules you must follow otherwise it just, objectively, is a bad story. One of those rules is that characters must have a motivation. (Honestly, I think I don't even need to make a distinction between fiction and reality in this instance, but this isn't the place to discuss Nihilism versus Existentialism.) So the movie lacks spectacle, sense, and context. Leaving nothing but boring, nonsensical scenes.
I have one last complaint, which is not only pretty petty, but I also didn't know what section to put it under. So... I hate the dialogue in this movie. It's very quippy. Which I normally have no problem with at all, but it just generally sucks and I was begging for the couple to stop talking to each other entirely. Which is a bit of a shame, because when it felt like they weren't just being smug at each other they had some pretty good chemistry.
Final Summation.
Apparently this is gonna be a trilogy. Great. Next one's supposed to come out in October, so if I'm still doing this watch-everything-that-comes-out thing then I'll of course watch it. But I'm not looking forward to it. Please give the killers a motivation next time.
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Movies I watched this week (#174):
2 old Hungarian films:
🍿 Ferenc Molnár's classic The boys of Paul street is a novel about two honorable gangs of school kids, who are fighting over an empty lot in the center of Budapest of 1902. When I was their age (so early 1960's) it was called "מחניים", and it was one of my favorite books (together with these of Erich Kästner's, Yigal Mossinson's, Enid Blyton's, Karl May's, Jules Verne's, etc).
So it was wonderful to discover that it was made into a well-made drama in 1968. The premise of a syrupy children story from that time, made about a naive world, unaware of any future European world wars, doesn't bode well. But it retained all its earnest truths, honors and morals. It was nominated for the Best Foreign Language Film (together with 'The Firemen's Ball', Truffaut's 'Stolen Kisses' and Bondarchuk's winner 'War and Peace'). In a week that was cinematically disappointing, that was my bright spot. 8/10.
🍿 Unrelated to David Cronenberg, The fly won the 1980 Oscars for animated shorts. It tell a story from a pesky fly's point of view.
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I am trying to watch at least 25% movies directed by women. Female Directors (2012) was made by 2 young female graduates of a Beijing film school, who couldn't afford to make a "Real" studio movie, so they make an indie "Home" movie of themselves. Strong early Godard vibes with shaky handheld camera and bad potato sound. Fresh and candid look as they search for themselves via sex, cinema, money. It feels like I've been in all these alleys.... [*Female Director*].
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Short Vacation (2020), a gentle, tiny Korean version of 'Stand by me', but without any histrionics or a dead guy. 4 unremarkable middle school girls, members of the photography club, receive analog cameras from their teacher, who suggest they use the summer break to take of 'the end of the world'. They decide to take the train all the way to the last station, and end up in the "middle of nowhere". 7/10.
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2 with actress Sakura Ando, both from 2023:
🍿 "It's like a prehistoric dinosaur turned monster..."
My second Godzilla (after the 1954 original), Godzilla minus one, the latest in the franchise. The monster stuff was ridiculous, as usual I guess, but the human drama part recreating post-war Tokyo, and especially the cutest 2 year old baby girl got bonus points from me. 5/10.
🍿 In Monster, my 6th film by Hirokazu Kore, she stars as a single mother to a 11 year old son who starts exhibiting strange behavior. For most of the story, it feels like 'The kindergarten teacher' and 'Hunt', and 'The teachers' Lounge', where the accusations of abuse might not be true, but it ends as a beautiful heartbreak, softly told. With a tender score by Ryuichi Sakamoto, his last before his death. 8/10.
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The Sensualist (1991), an erotic Japanese animation, in a traditional Ukiyo-e woodblock style, like the original story of which it is based. Combination Patrick Nagel, Hiroshige and very-adult Disney stories. Ends with a long, artistic 'Coitus'. M'eh.
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Patisserie Coin de rue (2011) is Food porn for imbeciles who love Japanese cake shops. I have a serious sweet tooth myself, but this story was just too dumb. Gorgeous cinematography of beautiful patisseries, and religious reverie for desserts. I could barely last for 42 minutes.
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The Contestant is a new British documentary about aspiring comedian "Nasubi", who participated in a grotesque Japanese Television show in 1998. For 13 months he was placed naked in an empty room and was told that in order to get out, he will need to win 1 million yen in write-in sweepstakes. He didn't know that his every move was being broadcasted and that he'd became a massive hit. A bizarre, real-life 'Truman Show', and possibly the very first 'Reality TV' show ever. It was stupid, and cruel 'Mass Entertainment'. Fortunately, there's a tiny point of redemption at the very end. 2/10. [*Female Director*].
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Cœur fidèle (Faithful Heart) (1923), my first 'poetic realist' melodrama by French Impressionist Jean Epstein. A technical classic with modern editing, dynamic story telling and lots of expressive close ups. He was 26 when he made it on location in the port of Marseille.
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Sleeping beauty is a disturbing erotic art film by an Australian auteur, with a small cameo for Sarah Snook. A pretty student freelancing as a hooker on a 'Story of O' type journey into the deep end of 'Sleep' fetishism. If it was made by a man, I would hate it uncategorically. As it was, I found it prurient and shallow, flat and cold. 2/10. [*Female Director*].
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I saw Gifted before, and the ratings I gave it weren't too high. But I'm a sap for tearjerkers about special little girls and their single dad/uncle, so I gave it another go. The Hallmark-style custody battle was mediocre, but all the girl stuff left me in tears nonstop. Add some Cat Stevens to the score, and you get quality Soap. 7/10. (Photo Above). Re-Watch ♻️.
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The rope (1984), my first Sudanese movie. 2 blind nomads stumbles in an empty desert, tied together to a donkey. A cruel, wordless metaphor. Unbearable misery. 1/10.
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Bogart & Bacall X 2:
🍿 Fast film is a 2003 Austrian mash-up art film, composed of 65,000 paper cutouts of Bogart and Cary Grant, and moving through 400 other classic movies. But this type of collage was done better and smoother in the Hungarian 'Final Cut: Ladies and Gentlemen' and Michel Hazanavicius' 'La Classe américaine'.
🍿 Dark passage, my first Film Noir by Delmer Daves. 5'10'' Bogart plays an innocent convict, who escapes from San Quentin, trying to prove his innocence. But wherever he goes, people around him keep falling dead. It was the third of four films real-life couple Bacall and Bogart made together. 1947 San Francisco and surroundings was lovely with so few people and cars on the roads.
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I haven't seen Bob Fosse's acclaimed All that jazz since its premiere 45 years ago, so I was so looking forward for a re-watch. But after 3 days of attempting to go through it, I could muster only 33 minutes, before realizing how much I hated it, and had to stop. The genius Alpha male who kills himself in self-loathing, while abusing everything and everybody around him, is no longer appealing to me. The entitlement, misogyny, idealization of a legendary narcissist "Icon" was unbearable. ♻️.
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3 shorts by British illustrator Elizabeth Hobbs:
🍿 "When I was a debutante, I went to the zoo every day..."
The Debutante (2022) is based on a story by Leonora Carrington. A debutante persuades a hyena from the London Zoo to take her place at a dinner dance held in her honour. [*Female Director*].
🍿 I'm OK (2018) is even better. It is based on the life of Expressionist artist Oskar Kokoschka during WW1. Same frantic, hand-drawn splotchy style. 8/10. [*Female Director*].
🍿The Old, Old, Very Old Man (2007) is still earlier. Created with blue ink on a bathroom tile. The style here is dirtier, more primitive. [*Female Director*].
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Amino ('Shadows'), a dreary award-winning Filipino film from 2000. A poor, hungry man with absolutely nothing to his name but a camera, gets his camera stolen in Manila's most miserable slum.
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"I'm not lying. I saw her! Fuck you!..."
I haven't seen A simple Favor since January 19, but every time I recommend it to somebody, I feel compelled to check it out again. So about every 6 weeks now?! Jesus Christ, it's absurd!
Anyway, Anna Kendrick has the whitest teeth, and the worst taste in ugly shoes, on and off screen. My 10 Minutes Pinch Point Analyses still stands. 10/10. Re-Watch ♻️.
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Surprisingly, I haven't seen any of Stormy Daniels porn work, but I had followed her story "with interest". The new documentary Stormy offers little new information to political junkies, but it details the harrowing path this brave woman had to endure, and the incredible price she had to pay. Unfortunately, it shows many clips of Orange Sphincter talking, something I try to avoid as much as possible. May he lose bigly in his current criminal case in NY, and also may he catch incurable rectal cancer today, and live the rest of his days in painful agony. [*Female Director*].
🍿
(My complete movie list is here.)
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CW this post will discuss self harm and contain spoilers for the movie Grimcutty
Wanted to scroll a movie tag so I could vibe with what I presumed would be a really enthusiastic tumblr community but all I got was a bunch of ppl being stupid and dumb and most of all utterly devoid of whimsy smh
Anywaaay for all its flaws Grimcutty is a fuckin awesome movie if you ask me
Is it stupid? Oh fuck yeah
Is it entertaining? Absolutely
Does it have good representation? Shockingly enough yeah actually which was really refreshing to see in such a genre especially considering no one died except for the [extremely White tm] mommy blogger
The movie centers around the premise of an internet scary image challenge [reminiscent of the Momo Challenge and Creepypasta stories such as Smile.jpg from when I was in school] that causes “screen addicted” children to act out violently through manners of self harm, suicide, and even murder. What makes this movie interesting is that in some sense the fear parents feel is very real, as it is the mass paranoia and hysteria surrounding this meme known as the Grimcutty Challenge that causes it to appear.
Even ignoring everything else the concept of monsters that feed on fear is not new, but that doesn’t make it less interesting. Grimcutty however flips the traditional sense of the trope on its head: it’s not your own fear that gets you hurt, it’s the obsessive worry of others. The more you worry about someone committing to the challenge the more the entity will target them. Which all on its own is fascinating.
Most complaints I’ve seen are quick to write the movie off for its narrative decision to use these internet challenges and memes as the catalyst of the story; the people complaining are not considering the point of horror media, in my opinion, when they do this. For as long as it has existed the purpose of fearful stories and horrific tales is to exaggerate real problems. While the issues presented in the movie may not be as prevalent as they were when I was younger they were still very much real.
I remember being in school and hearing kids complain about limited access to devices at home due to their parents catching wind of things like the Momo Challenge. More than that however I remember the wave of paranoia that followed the very real Slenderman Stabbings that occurred in 2014. Even my own parents, who generally tend to stay level headed and rational, had a few worried conversations about what had happened at the time, knowing my sibling and I were fans of the stories that made up Creepypasta at the time. It was such a powerful event that it legitimately changed the entirety of my school’s social landscape, no one was permitted to use the computer labs for about two weeks, an assembly about it was hosted, and a lot of kids had their schools changed. The event had happened over 2,000 miles [about 3,218 kilometers] from my home and yet the fear that parents felt was so real that even my classmates were afraid of anyone who was known to enjoy those stories.
Grimcutty takes that sort of hysteria around things like that and turns it up to eleven, and it does everything right by doing so. While the teens in the movie are clearly written by people who aren’t 100% in on current youth culture it makes them no less relatable overall. The main character, Asha, is reasonably desperate to find a way to bring her situation to a halt, and her peers are frustrated, outraged at times even, at the older generation’s fixation on fear. Parents will worry, and kids will find it annoying, but this movie does a good job of showing how bad things can get when both sides refuse to listen to the feelings of the other. Overprotective parents with a platform from which to speak are often the sort of force that sparks such hysterics and panics in communities, a single seed of doubt is all that ever really needs to be planted.
The movie itself is well made overall, it was by no means perfect but it did its job and told its story quite nicely. It helps to have people to watch it with, though as a fan of live commentating my thoughts while watching things I am a bit biased. While the emotions and situations are exaggerated for the sake of theatrics it does well not to lead into the drop off point of unbelievable, especially to someone like me who was a kid when these fears were big amongst parents. It held its tension well and was genuinely terrifying at times, a good balance of pacing and energy. Much like It Follows and Smile it handles the moments of calm between attacks well without letting the fear and suspense completely dissipate, more often than not even making it worse by leaving characters blindly too calm and unaware of their surroundings.
Overall I’m thoroughly disappointed in the platform that truly helped nourish and create the Creepypasta community back in the day for dismissing a movie that captures the very real backlash received for such things at the time. With that said I highly encourage checking it out for the love of all things horror, so be advised however about the subject matter, I would recommend reading its warnings on Does the Dog Die for preparation.
Anyway if you actually bothered to read this far you deserve a treat so here is a picture of my cat

#Grimcutty#cw sh#movies#horror movie#movie review#I guess???#idk why I got so serious abt it lmao#ppl not giving it the credit it deserves pissed me off I guess#tw s3lf harm#cw sui mention#cat
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Batman vs. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Movie Review
I don't know how I never saw this movie before. Obviously I am a huge Batman fan and I used to love TMNT cartoon as a kid. I even enjoyed the first live action movie when it came out. I was always a big Leo fan. I never read the Batman/TMNT crossover comics, but this is definitely something I would have watched at the time of its release if I had been aware about it. The 'vs' in the title is a misnomer as this is a true blue Batfamily and TMNT team up against Shredder and Ra's al Ghul. And its quite a fun team up.
The film in essence is another plot to destroy Gotham as Ra's plans to use the Ooze given to him by Shredder, and combining it with Joker Venom to turn all of Gotham's citizens into monsters, so the city would tear itself apart. In returns, he promises to give Shredder access to the lazarus pit. So obviously, the TMNT follow Shredder to Gotham and run into Batman, who is investigating the robberies being committed by the foot clan. The film's fun is definitely watching all the various interactions between character. Its fun to see Batman fight Shredder on two separate occasions and its fun to see Batman team up with Leo, given they are the two leaders of the respective families. You see Raph and Robin bond and you see Batgirl and Donnie work together to come up with a antidote to the Ooze. The plot is clearly a fairly silly one. There is an entire section where the Arkham inmates get turned into various animals, led by the Joker and Batman, Batgirl, Robin, and the TMNT fight all the various Arkham inmates. But the film has a few inserts of some dark stuff, like Leo being exposed to Scarecrow's gas and seeing his brother be killed in a vision, which later leads him to push past his fear when he's fighting Ra's at the end. Then there is a section when Batman is turned into a monsterous Bat monster and there is a pretty strong implication that he kills Mr. Freeze. But the film knows its general tone because you have Batman saying 'cowabanga', Mikey riding a skateboard around Wayne manor to Alfred's exasperation, Mr Freeze turns into a polar bear and Ivy turns into a literal plant. So the film knows just how goofy it is by the very essence of its premise but it doesn't compromise on the essence of the Batman characters. The action scenes are fun. Definitely the Batman vs Shredder fights were a highlight for me, and the whole Arkham sequence was a lot of fun with Freeze, Ivy, Harley, Joker, Two Face, Scarecrow, Bane turning into a variety of animals. Also, the post credit scene is actually pretty neat.
When it comes to negatives, there is definitely some tonal clash. Clearly TMNT is aimed at a slightly more humor filled audience than Batman and at times it does feel a bit eye rollingly silly. The plot of turning Gotham citizens into animals is definitely something that is very much aimed at children and the fact that all the Arkham inmates are so happy to be turned into animals is also a little dumb. Shredder and the foot clan are also basically left to be side villains for Ra's, since Ra's is the one who devises the master plan. Some of the voice acting is also a little flat.
I will say that Troy Baker is a little meh as Batman. I feel he makes for a much better Joker. Cas Anwar also isn't particularly menacing as Ra's. Eric Bauza, Darren Criss, Baron Vaughn, and Kyle Mooney are all good as Leo, Raph, Donnie, and Mikey respectively. Rachel Bloom is a solid Batgirl as is Ben Giroux as Robin. Brian George as Alfred, Tara Strong as Ivy/Harley, Dimaggio as Mr Freeze, and Andrew Kishino as Shredder are also notable. All in all, this delivers exactly what you would think would be delivered in a Batman/TMNT crossover. I hope the post credit scene of Shredder Joker means that there will be a sequel because I would love that. A 7/10 for me.
#batman vs tmnt#batman vs teenage mutant ninja turtles#batman#bruce wayne#robin#batgirl#barbara gordon#ra's al ghul#leonardo#donnatello#raphael#michelangelo#shredder#league of assassins#foot clan#joker#two face#mr freeze#harley quinn#poison ivy#bane#troy baker#darren criss#cas anwar#eric bauza#baron vaughn#kyle mooney#rachel bloom#ben giroux#brian george
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the (fake) date
pairing: Steve x Reader
summary: In an attempt to avoid Keith’s advances, you tell him you’re going out with Steve. Steve makes that a reality.
word count: 2.4k
warnings: none!!
a/n: first oneshot in months!!! wooo!!! this includes Steve being scared of haunted houses xox
===
Every week, you had to feed Keith another lie as to why you couldn’t go on a date with him.
You could have simply told him you weren’t interested, but he was your boss, and you were worried that letting him down harshly would have consequences. It wasn’t like there were a plethora of jobs in Hawkins once the mall burned down; Family Video was all you had. Family Video and your creepy, weird boss that always carried a bag of Cheetos with him.
You’d say just about anything to get him off your back - that you were busy with school, or you had plans with family, or you were sick. Anything to get him to walk away. You even spent a week trying to make yourself look sick - sunken and dark undereyes, hardly combed hair. It was so convincing that Steve walked up to you and put his hand against your forehead to feel for a fever.
“Not sick,” you told him.
“You look like hell,” he said, brows furrowed.
“That’s very sweet,” you said, and continued to the back room to sort tapes.
But this week, you were out of ideas. You didn’t know what to tell him.
“Friday, you and me?” Keith asked, hand sunken into a bag of Cheetos. “We can go to a haunted house.”
“Oh, I can’t,” you say weakly.
“What’s got you so damn busy this week?”
You searched your brain for any kind of excuse before blurting out, “I’m going to one with Steve.”
The Cheeto bag fell from Keith’s hand.
As if on cue, Steve comes out from the back room and promptly trips on his own feet, slamming into the counter. He smiles dorkily at you before moving to the other side of the counter to help a customer.
“You’re going out with Harrington?” Keith was practically seething.
“Yeah,” you say quickly, turning to watch Steve. “I am.”
Keith scoffs and walks away, dejected and pissed that Harrington won again, mumbling something about how he shouldn’t have hired him.
You lean against the counter, letting out a breath you were holding. Close call.
You thought that was the end of it - but Keith, of course, brings this up again, and in front of Steve this time.
“How long have you been seeing each other?”
“Couple weeks,” you say, while Steve stands on the other side of Keith, confused.
“Wh-“ Steve starts, but you look at him with pleading eyes, and it clicks with him.
“Yeah,” he says, recovering. Steve steps closer to you and wraps his hands around your waist, pulling you into him. You pray that you’re not blushing too noticeably. “Yeah, since September 28th.”
Keith scoffs. “No PDA in the store, Harrington.”
Steve shrugs and lets you go. “Sorry, Keith. Can’t keep my hands off of them.”
Keith points a dust-covered finger at Steve. “Hands to yourself.” He leans back just slightly. “We have a form you need to fill out if you’re dating. Saves the company’s ass if something goes wrong.” He produces the papers from his back pocket and slams them onto the counter. “Fill ‘em out. I want them by your next shift.” He shoots Steve another hard glare before stalking off, out the front door.
Silence.
You grab the papers and fold them, shoving them into your own back pocket and attempting to walk away.
“Wait,” Steve says, gently taking your arm. “We gonna talk about this?”
You freeze.
Steve had been your crush since forever. You were always in love with him - when he was a dorky 7th grader, when he was an asshole junior, and now as a dorky young man. But you’d sunken into a beautiful friendship with him that you absolutely weren’t willing to throw away over dumb feelings.
“You know Keith.” You try to sound nonchalant. “He keeps asking me out on dates.”
A sudden jealousy hits Steve right in the gut, but he swallows it down.
“And he wouldn’t leave me alone. So I … I told him that we were seeing each other.”
Steve blinks.
Steve coincidentally has also been into you. Maybe not as long, but just as deep. And he’d be damned if he ever tried telling you that. So if he has to pretend to date you to get close to the real thing, he’ll do it.
“Oh, God, please don’t be mad -“ you begin, but he cuts you off.
“I’m not mad,” he says. “No. No. I’m not mad. We should have done this sooner.”
You blink.
“Because - so that - he would have left you alone sooner,” he clarifies, shifting, putting his hands in his back pockets. “You know.”
“You don’t have to -“
“I want to,” he says, then shakes his head a bit. “I mean - not like, I want to be your boyfriend - or anything weird -“
“I get it,” you say, a bit crushed but happy that he’s not pissed and is willing to go along with you. “I told him we were going to a haunted house this Friday.”
“Well, maybe we should,” Steve suggests. “You know - so we seem like a real couple.”
You blush deeply and look away, busying yourself with a random piece of paper on the counter. “Yeah, that would be fun. Or - the house would be fun -“
“I get it,” he says. He leans his back against the counter and watches your fingers play with the paper, smiling softly as he does. “Should I pick you up at seven?”
“Sounds good,” you say, trying to sound casual, but your heart was about to hammer out of your chest.
So was Steve’s.
===
As it would turn out, Steve hates haunted houses.
Every sound makes him shake, and his teeth chatter loudly as you move through the rooms. Steve tries to laugh off his fright, but he gets more worked up as it goes on. After all he’s been through, something like this shouldn’t make him so scared - but it sends him into a near panic attack.
And he feels so stupid, because you’re taking the frights like a champ, laughing at the masks and costumes and guiding Steve along. You willingly hold his hand and help him through the rooms, never once making fun of him for being scared. Steve thinks he probably looks like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo, and it makes him want to drop to the floor and die.
“This is bullshit,” he mumbles, holding onto you for dear life as actors walk around you.
“What’s bullshit?” you ask, laughing and blushing, holding his hand tightly. “They aren’t real, Steve.”
Steve runs a sweaty palm through his hair. “Yeah, yeah, I know -“
A person in a mask jumps out randomly and Steve shouts, “Jesus!”
It’s very endearing in an odd way.
“You hate this,” you declare over the loud and obnoxious sound effects. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Thank God,” Steve says hoarsely, and allows you to guide him to the exit.
Outside, Steve takes in large gulps of hair, keeping watch for any monsters - or humans. You rub his back soothingly, and he wipes his palms on his jeans.
“Gross,” he groans. “I didn’t know - ugh, you had to hold these -“
“I don’t care,” you say, and that settles it.
“This might sound crazy,” he says as you both head for his car, “but I’ve never actually been to one of these before.”
“You haven’t?” You’re shocked. “And how many dates have you been on? A thousand?”
Steve glares at you in his periphery. “No. Doesn’t matter. Point is, I’ve never been to a haunted house before.”
“Glad I was there for your first time,” you say, and Steve’s happy you were there, too.
When you approach his car, you realize you’re both still holding hands, and you pull your hand away quickly. Steve frowns.
“Sorry,” you say.
“For what?”
“Holding your hand for so long.”
“Didn’t bother me.”
You pause, studying his face. He looks warm, a slight smile on the edge of his lips, shoulders relaxed, almost leaning towards you but not quite.
You continue looking at each other for a few moments, trying to decipher each other. Finally, Steve whispers, “I’m still scared, you know.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he confirms, and holds his hand out to you. “I think you should hold it again.”
You blush and smile. “Let’s get in the car.”
Steve practically sprints to his side, then runs back to get your door for you. He tucks you inside, then runs back to his side. In his head, he gives himself a pep talk, tries to remember how to be flirty and smooth. But Steve Harrington doesn’t know how to be suave, not anymore, and maybe that’s not really a bad thing. Steve quickly puts his seatbelt on and then reaches over the center console, taking your hand in his.
“It’s still sweaty,” you say, quietly, a lame attempt at a joke.
“That didn’t bother you before,” Steve says, smiling slightly.
The look he’s giving you is so sweet and pure that you almost want to run out of the car. Or lean forward and kiss him. Or maybe both.
And even though you’re both holding hands and very obviously pining, neither of you actually know what this means. Steve has hope in his aching chest that maybe this is almost a real date under the premise of being a fake one. You have hope that it is, too. But neither of you know how to breach the topic, and after some lingering looks, Steve starts to drive. His right hand is still laced in your left, tightly, almost afraid that you’d let him go.
“Where to?” he asks. “It’s only nine.”
You desperately try to think of something to do, anything to keep him with you for a little while longer. “I- horror movies?”
Steve can’t help the laugh that bubbles from his chest. “I don’t do super well with those, either.”
“King Steve!” you say, faking a scandalized tone. “You telling me you hate horror flicks?”
“Can’t stand ‘em,” he says, absentmindedly squeezing your hand. “They make me jump.”
“How high?”
A childish giggle comes from him. “At least five feet.”
“I’d like to see it.”
“Too bad,” he smiles, glancing over to you. Then he gasps. “Oh, I know a place!”
===
As it would turn out, the quarry is a perfect place for a chilly October night.
It’s scary, but not too scary. It’s more so serene and beautiful, and the moon casts a silver glow onto the water and trees. You and Steve lean against the front of his car, hands to yourself, as you watch the surroundings.
“You scared?” he asks suddenly.
You laugh. “No. Are you?”
“No.” A pause. “You just - you seem like you’re shaking.”
“I’m just cold.” You wrap your arms around yourself for some warmth. “I don’t know why I thought a thin sweater -”
Steve scoots beside you and takes his jacket off - the infamous Members Only one, which he insists to Robin is made with the very threads of good luck - and he wraps it around your shoulders. You slink into yourself, smiling coyly at him and he secures it onto your frame.
“Better?” he asks.
“Yeah,” you whisper. “Thank you.”
Steve nods and smiles down at you. The moon hits the left side of his face and illuminates his features, and you hold yourself back from tucking a stray hair behind his ear.
“What about you?” you ask. “Aren’t you cold now?”
“A little,” he admits. “I’ll be okay.”
You don’t believe him. You wrap your arm around him and pull him in closely, and his hair flops over his forehead as he leans into your side. His arm snakes around your waist and you feel frozen in time, like nothing could ever be this perfect, like you never want it to end.
“What are we doing?” you whisper after a moment.
Steve smiles. “If you ask me, I think we’re on a date.”
You blush against Steve’s shoulder and he can feel the heat through his shirt.
“Yeah?” you ask. “A fake one or a real one?”
Steve swallows hard, contemplating his answer. “Seems… seems like a real one to me.”
You look up at him at the same time he looks down at you and your noses almost brush together. Steve’s eyes trail down to your lips and he leans forward a microscopic amount, his arm still tight around your waist. You look away before he can close the gap, and his shoulders slump just slightly.
“I think it seems like a real one, too,” you say, voice cracking from nerves.
There’s a moment of silence before Steve whispers, “Hey.”
You look at him and there’s no time to contemplate.
Steve’s lips are warm and soft, tasting vaguely like cherry chapstick and Coca-Cola. They move against yours slowly, and although the kiss feels like a minute, it only lasts a fleeting moment before he pulls back, gauging your reaction.
“Is that… cherry chapstick?” It’s all you can think to say.
“Cherry Coke,” he corrects. “L-Lipsmacker.”
A slow smile breaks out over your face. “I have the same one.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” You smile wider. “Maybe you should taste it on me sometime.”
Steve melts into you, pulling you closer to him. “I think you taste just fine without it.”
Your lips meet again and time stands still once more. Steve’s warm hand cups your face as he pulls you in, and your thumb traces his cheekbone. You’d never felt so alive and lucky as the cold October air picks your hair up and blows it around you.
Steve leans his forehead against yours as he breaks the kiss again. You remain there for a while, thanking the universe for your luck.
Steve thanks his jacket, and, oddly, Keith.
“Hope you kept those papers,” Steve mumbles.
You laugh. “I did.”
“Good,” he smiles, his breath tickling your nose. “Because I think we’ll need to sign them.”
===
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#steve harrington#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington oneshot#stranger things x reader#stranger things oneshot#stranger things imagine#my fics
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Stuff I read (and liked) this year
As promised, here’s a list of the novels, comics, manga, etc... I read this year, focusing on the ones I enjoyed and would recommend to people. Under a cut, this is going to be a little long.
-------- Books --------
Favorite book of the year: Stranger in the Woods, by Michael Finkel
Non-fiction. Based on the interviews of the man himself by the author, it is about a man who felt so unfit for society he decided one day to leave it, and spent the next 28 years as a hidden hermit in forest in Maine. The book details how he survived there, how he was eventually found, and some of his reasons for doing so. It’s a great reflection on the nature of loneliness.
Indian creek, by Pete Fromm
...Yet another detailed tale of living alone in the woods. This time, the diary of a student who spent a winter in the mountains to help tend for salmon hatchlings, and how he spent the rest of his days hiking, hunting, meeting the locals. It’s a fun little book who, being set almost the whole world away from where I live, was a nice way to travel.
Howl’s Moving Castle, by Diana Wynne Jones
I don’t feel the need to explain this one since everyone and their mom has seen the movie adapted from it. The book, that I first read a decade ago before I actually watched the film, is a less romantized, more spirited telling of the same story. The writing is absolutely delightful and so is the world it paints, and it’s the first time in ages a book had me laughing out loud during my entire read.
-------- Comics (BD) --------
Favorite comic of the year: Monsieur Désire?, by Hubert and Virginie Augustin
A discreet young woman becomes a maid for a decadent, unbearable, byronesque young lord. Caked in the rigid and oppressive social hierarchy of the victorian era, you follow a mental and verbal joust between the two, as the lord tries his best to offend and corrupt his new unrelenting servant, to little success. The writing and especially the dialogues were stellar, drawing me into the tense atmosphere, watching this trainwreck of a character flamboyantly destroy himself. While there’s no precise content warnings that I can give, this is a mature and heavy story.
World of Edena, by Moebius
Anyone who’s followed this blog for over a month knows how much of a Moebius fan I am. Edena combines the vague, dreamlike, wordless storytelling from stuff like Arzach or The cat’s eyes with an actual plot. While I haven’t completly finished the story, the evolution of the main characters and how the story is told have been great to read through, and as always the art is beyond gorgeous. Unfortunately suffers from some good old sexism in the writing that even if minimal, tasted sour
Le roman de Renart, by Joan Sfar (book 1)
Sfar’s work always has a signature vibe of being dreamy and light without being light hearted, of being down to earth but drifting in the fantastical, and this one is no exception. It’s an adaption of a series of medieval folk tales I grew up with, who uses the same characters to tell an original story. If you’re familiar with icons like Renart as well as other mythological big boys like Merlin you’ll fit right in. There is something special in how the dialogues are written, who feel natural in a way that you’d overhear in a street corner and is very special to me.
The mercenary, by VIncente Segrelles
Another one I post about a lot on this blog. The mercenary is a king on the throne of fantasy cheese. The worldbuilding is interesting at times but the writing is a pretty pathetic display of glorious old time sword and sorcery sci-fantasy 10 years too late for it’s prime (warning for ye old sexism and orientalism that plagues the genre, cranked very high...) but you come and stay for the art. The entire thing is drawn in a series of hyper detailed oil paintings with an insane eye for technical detail, from the engineering of the weaponry, to the architecture and weather, to the anatomy of the fantasy creatures... Each panel stands out as it’s own painting which makes even flipping through it without reading the scenario a treat. Click here to see more of the art, in my Segrelles tag.
The ice maurauder, by Jacques Tardi
A short story about mad scientists entirely drawn like a 19th century engraving. In great Tardi tradition everyone is ugly and mean, it ends terribly, it’s both a hommage to the genre of late 19th cent. to early 1900s dramatic adventure novels and a critical eye on it, and it’s morbidly funny. Most people I saw online hated the way this was written but I’m not them and I really recommend this book. Die mad
-------- Manga --------
Favorite manga of the year: it’s a tie between the following two.
Cats of the Louvre, by Taiyo Matsumoto
Most wonderful comic I have read in ages. The story follows a bunch of semi-feral cats secretly living in the Louvre museum’s attic, and the small group of humans who share their life, walking through the museum as the night watch. When the cats are together, they are represented in a humanoid way, but still act like animals, and “become” cats again when a human is nearby. The plot is a sort of supernatural mystery centered around a kitten who walks around paintings. It’s a love letter to art, sincere and beautiful, with a unique art style and great characters.
Memoirs of amorous Gentlemen, by Moyoco Anno
A sex worker in early 20th century paris starts writing down a diary of the clients she meets, in a quest to cope with the troubles of her life. You follow her, her colleagues, and her bittersweet relationship with an abusive lover. I don’t have much words about this comic, but the art and writing both are amazing, it’s the perfect length and drew me in like little series had before. Obvious content warnings as this is an adult story that talks about sexuality, but also depicts both mental and physical abuse.
Hana, also by Taiyo Matsumoto
A very short story, this was not made to be read as a comic originally, but served as storyboarding and visual development for a play, and the way it is written follows that. Hana is a slice of life story set in a fantasy world, of a young boy, his family, his village. Despite the setting being an original one, the character interactions are refreshingly... normal, and there is no huge plot to speak of, just a bit of the life of these characters. The art is beautiful, entirely black and white, with a scratchy style and an emphasis on contrast. Matsumoto is on a speedy road to becoming my favorite manga artist haha
Delicious in Dungeon, by Ryoko Kui
While not marked as my year’s favorite, I still consider this series among my favorite manga ever. The art and writing are amazing, and it’s both heartfelt, well concieved and plain hilarious. The story follows several parties of dungeon diving adventurers each on their little quests with a premise of our protagonists, on a panic rescue mission, surviving in the dungeon by cooking and eating the monsters they come across. From a DnD party turned cooking manual dinner of the week beginning, the plot creeps up on you and slowly thickens. I don’t want to spoil anything about the overarching story of this because it was a delight to discover for myself. While everything about DinD rules, I am especially fond of the design philosophy of the author, who puts great detail in the practicality and biology of what she draws, as well as the character writing. Everyone even side characters has so much charm and depth to them, the cast is so diverse and entertaining...! Each character is just a bit lame enough but endearing, and has their own little backstory that shows in the way they exist. It’s a delight
Chainsaw man, by Tatsuki Fujimoto
I went into CSM expecting a borderline campy hyperviolent dumb fun thing to read and was very surprised to find an uncomfortably well written story about a teenager being groomed. The hyperviolent dumb fun fights are here nonetheless and the series still qualifies as shonen for some reason, but the more mature character writing as well as some truly outlandish visuals make it something very special. If you can’t stand shonen, not sure you will like it, but if you don’t mind it, worth trying.
Witch hat atelier, by Kamome Shirahama
The oh so elegant fantasy seinen every cool kid started posting about this year, who I also succumbed to and fast. Witch hat is hard to explain, as most of it’s plot revolves around the rules of the world it’s set in, specifically the regulations around it’s magic and the social and historical reasons for them. It’s about growing up, learning, disability, making art. You follow a little girl taken in by a witch as an apprentice, her magical education, and learn little by little why her lovely teacher is so willing to break a lot of rules... While a bit too gentle and pretty for my taste at times, Witch hat has great worldbuilding and explores sensitive themes I rarely see in manga, much less in fantasy. And Berserk wishes it had art this good
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In the spirit of Terry Gilliam: conceive a movie called "America", which has nothing to do with America except in the most oblique way. Dystopia optional.
You can't just ask me to come up with something where I'm NOT supposed to build it by connecting the dots but, okay, I'll give it a shot.
Okay so, Terry Gilliam's Brazil is a movie that doesn't take place in Brazil (...I think, I'm not sure where it's supposed to take place but it definitely doesn't seem like it's intended to be Brazil), isn't about Brazil or anything Brazilian in any form, and literally the only reason why it's even called Brazil is because they picked a Brazilian song to name the film after. But the song itself is still significant to the film's theme, because it's a romantic whistling tune set as the backdrop of a brutally decadent dystopian nightmare that the protagonist is desperately trying to find an outlet from in the form of daydreams of a better life, which he finds in the end when he's lobotomized and abandoned in the room, humming the movie's theme to himself.
I guess if I had to do what you're asking and to for America what Brazil did for Brazil, I guess I'd have to create something:
Named after a American song titled America
The film employs the song America for ironic effect, although the song itself cannot be ironic
Absolutely no part of the plot or characters or locations or etc, must refer to America in any form, in fact it should strive to be as diametrically opposite as possible
Have it be weird, because you might as well not bother referencing Terry Gilliam in any capacity if you're not gonna make it weird
Since I don't want to make Brazil again, there's gonna be no dystopia and we're gonna jump locations outside of one city. Also, it's a cartoon, and it's dubbed in Portuguese, and it's a musical.
I guess for a start, I'd pick U2's America's Song
youtube
As the main theme of the film. However, the soundtrack is all done in the style of Jean-Jacques Perrey.
The main character's name is Eric, and he's just escaped from a secret base along with all the other lab specimens and monsters in it. This is the opening of the movie. And he looks like this
It's never made clear what exactly he is, if he's a brain shaped like a hat, or a sentient hat that's just shaped like a brain, or if he's both brain and hat, or something else entirely. Eric is functionally immortal, and can walk and move around with specialized blood vessel tentacles, like Dio's head at the end of Phantom Blood. He doesn't need to eat or sleep, but he still needs to keep hydrated, and he is upset because he has no body, so he can't talk, and all he really ever wanted was to sing, and to have people love him for his singing. But unfortunately every time he tries to talk he just makes unnerving gurgling sounds.
It makes him very sad.
He is, however, able to fit into the heads of people to control their movements and sing through them (he doesn't control their minds though, they can talk back and think, they just can't control what they do anymore), which is how we get the "I Want" song early on where he tells us. Except, he's got pretty particular tastes, I mean you'd have to, if you were a sentient brain experimented on for god knows how long, who's wanted nothing in life but to sing, and though he understands singing and how to manipulate vocal cords to do it, unfortunately his voice right now isn't as good as it should be, so he wants to find a new one.
And so the whole movie is kind of him going through a journey where he goes from place to place and person to person trying to find the right voice, and because this is a musical, he always finds people who are in the middle of some problem that he ends up helping fix through music and impromptu music numbers. Sometimes one of the monsters who appears in the opening scene show up trying to pass by unnoticed, they never stick around when he tries to talk to them, and it does make Eric a bit sad, that they find him unnerving still even though he's got a voice now.
The whole time he always finds a new excuse to go body surfing, he can never be satisfied with what he has. It's always a voice that's too low or too high, a body that he's not comfortable with, it's always a place that's too noisy or with too much reverb, and really his whole arc is that he's deeply insecure and he just isn't confident in himself enough to actually go through with performing in public.
His arc is him coming to terms with it and ultimately finding the strength to perform as himself, with no additional body. He finds a way to broadcast his true voice, and his previous hosts put together a packed presentation for him. He steels his courage and does it.
And it all goes really well, and he performs America's Song to an adoring audience.
May liberty and justice ring for all
Let your dreams stand tall
May opportunities fall upon you
In the land of the free
In fact, he sings so well, that the brains of his previous hosts, all the audience members and those watching it via livestream, burst out of their craniums as the bodies collapse, and the brains start all jumping along to the song
We have come
And we have prevailed
Who so ever dreamed, this is your will
And here we are
Here we are
We get an extended montage of special forces-type goons hunting down all of the monsters seen prior, as throughout the movie they've been chasing Eric's trail and picking off all the monsters that were supposedly helping him, and none of them were, they all tried fleeing and never hurt anyone. In fact we find out that the monsters were all running from Eric at the start, they bolted out of the facility mainly because of him.
We also get to see the brains forcing themselves on the nearest living humans, through their ears or mouths or eyes, and they all immediately start singing as well.
And may God (may God)
Keep us together
Cause America (America)
Is beautiful (beautiful)
The movie ends with Eric taking off into the sunset Pied Piper-style, intoxicated by newfound feelings of friendship and acceptance, with a whole gaggle of brains and brain-piloted bodies following him and all dancing off and singing into the sunset.
America
America
America is beautiful (beautiful, yes it is)
My America
Your America
Our America is beautiful
America
America
Is beautiful to me
And I swear I did not intend for this to be social commentary, I had no idea that this was going where it ended, I just kinda picked a dumb premise and tried running it to maybe the worst possible outcome, but I guess it's kinda inevitable that a story's gonna be charged when you give a title like this to it.
Anyway, that's what I came up with. It's a terrible idea I have zero qualms about sharing openly because I doubt I'll ever do anything with it, but there you go, this is me doing, uuh, Texeira Gilson's America (not my name, but a "Brazili-fied" take on Terry Gilliam's name)
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Why do you dislike that scene of Sam and Dean hunting those soldiers? Because you believe they wouldn't be able to take specially trained army soldiers or? I'm sure we're supposed to think that they hunt monsters every day of their lives, humans are easy compare to.
oh, fam. what a hornet’s nest to walk into.
Okay.
So, first: First Blood & Lotus are complete failures of episodes. In writing, execution, believability, filmic decisions. Truly shocking that they got off the storyboard without someone fully laughing out loud and going “great joke!” and then, I don’t know, putting the draft ideas into the urinal in the office bathroom and letting everyone have a go at dissolving them into an ammoniac puddle.
But then they decided to do them. So, unlucky us. So, Lotus is just... risible. Whatever. I don’t have the energy or willpower to think about it. First Blood is so much worse. Aside from how completely fucking stupid the beginning is -- really, this boring-ass montage of who-cares is supposed to be this much of a mental strain to two guys who were in literal hell? -- ugh, I can’t even work up the energy to get as mad at it as it deserves. Blah. So -- stupid, stupid, unbearably stupid premise. Then they escape. Okay, fine. The Billie plot is-- again, unbearably stupid. But then they get out into the woods.
There’s a moment, a bare moment, where it’s the Sam and Dean I recognize. Standing out by that van, being competent in a way that feels grounded. Calling Cas, looking at a map, working together and triangulating their position and figuring stuff out. Grounded. That’s the key word. Sam and Dean were always, always, competent and together and I believed that they could be people because they made decisions and choices that pretty much made sense.
And then.
It’s hard even to put into words what’s so awful, so risible, so deeply embarrassing about the whole... Rambo sequence. First flaw is that they conceived of a Rambo sequence and entirely forgot what the actual movie First Blood is about. It’s not cool. It’s horrible. It’s brutal. Rambo’s hurt and freaked and this isn’t okay, not remotely, not at all. A First Blood reboot done by someone who kind of heard of it once on 4chan and thought “lol that sounds awesome” and never thought about it for more than the time it took me to type this sentence.
Then there’s the awful, awful, awful speech, which was the point of the gifset. Apparently lots of fans thought it was cool. I don’t know what show those fans have been watching. Dean’s liable to drop fake-cool sounding quotes and, you know, it’s not like it was wholly out of character. As my bud is keen to remind me, the double-reference of Cool Hand Luke and Rorschach is very dumb, and it is! It really is! But even the literal writing of it isn’t the main thing that’s wrong with it, even if the speech itself over the stupid walkie-talkie is cringe-worthy bad.
It’s the vibe. That’s what it comes down to. The vibe. An indefinable thing that nevertheless can be VERY wrong when it’s wrong. It was an accumulation of wrong notes, as we marched along through s12, going from okay to bad to what the fuck is going on. The British Men of Letters started neat but became overpowered comic book villains. The Asa Fox funeral where there’s a quirky little universe of hunters, like this is X-Men or something. Lucifer hopping into the President, when a writer with taste would understand that that’s a bridge too far for stakes, and pushes the story into a stupid corner where you have to pretend consequences don’t exist to move past it. And then, and then, and then, you get your two heroes, and you give one of them a gimmicky comic book speech that sounds like he rehearsed it to sound cool in the bathroom for weeks beforehand, and you set them on a fucking cat-and-mouse hunt with the Secret Service, and... what the fuck, was Dabb stoned? Was he eating cheetos off a puddle he’d left between his moobs and playing Spiderman on PS4 and went ‘lol this would sound cool, let’s do that?’ Honestly, I hope so. A thoughtless stupid little digression because ‘hur hur cool’ is better than him actually thinking this through and going, yes, that’s the place I want this story to go. That’s art.
Miserable. And, again, not OOC, not exactly. But there are things you can choose for your characters that feel thoughtful, difficult, adult, and remain in character. Then you can choose things for your characters that feel... like a child’s idea of what maturity is like. A coward’s idea of a brave man. A quivering nerd’s idea of a strong man. The Dean that I see in that scene is just... not the Dean I want, at all. It smacks of the thing that tanked the whole Dabb era. Doing something because for a second it looked kind of cool, until you thought about it at all. Doing something because it was a neat soundbite. Taste out the window; we’re gonna get Dean saying the lamest, most overused, most internet-nerd fake-cool line: you’re trapped out here with us, and I guess because Sam racks his gun and looks faux-grim in the background we’re supposed to take it seriously. I just wanted to turn off the TV.
And then he just kept doing that for three more years. Thank god he didn’t get to ruin the finale, too.
#spn#spn wank#was that too much?#idk#it's not that i don't think they'd be capable of taking out the agents#it's that it's super embarrassing that they were evert put in the position to begin with#and then the execution of how it went was even worse#basically fuck those two episodes#and fuck all the thinking behind them#the bright spots of dabb era are always very clearly *despite* him and not because of him#and it just makes me fuckin bummed#despite being on a YA network full of superhero shows#this was *never* supposed to be a YA superhero show#sam and dean were adult in ways that mattered#and the show was weird in ways that mattered#and andrew dabb just... never got that#and by the time he got the reins#no one else cared either#a sad end#at least covid gave us a finale worth watching#Anonymous
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A Review of “A Quiet Place Part II (2021)”
A Quiet Place was the most surprising hit in 2018. It gave us something refreshingly new in the horror franchise and it was best of all, a great movie. When a sequel was announced, I wasn't remotely surprised and was also thrilled about it. The premise is "Following the deadly events at home, the Abbott family must now face the terrors of the outside world as they continue their fight for survival in silence. Forced to venture into the unknown, they quickly realize that the creatures that hunt by sound are not the only threats that lurk beyond the sand path". So does the sequel live up to the first movie?
Firstly, the returning actors Emily Blunt, Millicent Simmonds and Noah Jupe are still great in their roles as the Abbott family. Special praise to Noah as there is a scene where he gets hurt and his acting made it seem like he was in actual pain. Their characters also have great character evolution from the first movie. Evelyn Abbott (Emily Blunt) goes from the mother in distress to being the one who has to lead their family. Regan Abbott (Millicent Simmond) now embodies the heroism that her father had and is more forward to helping others. Marcus Abbott (Noah Jupe) is an interesting one as he was always a more frightened character in the first movie and part 2 seems to become more fearful due to the loss of his father. He does have an arc in this movie and it is very satisfying to watch him transform. Cillian Murphy is the newest addition and he is great. He is the opposite of Lee Abbott (John Krasinski) as he plays someone who is a hardened survivor who has little hope, but not zero, for the world. Cillian conveys this pained character perfectly and is a great new protagonist for the sequel.
Additionally, everything else I loved from the first movie is also here. The tension in each set piece is here, the great sound design is here, the effective use of the music score is here, the use of visual storytelling is here, the emphasis on characters and some great monster action is also here. A Quiet Place Part 2 also has an amazing introduction scene that might be one of the best starts to a movie I've seen in a long time. What this sequel does new is that it starts expanding more of the world-building as we see more of the outside world. I like that we get scenes showing day 1 of when the monsters came and I also like that we get to see more different survivors in this new world.
If I do have to force myself for some flaws then one would be that it feels a lot less scary than the first movie. While a lot of the monster action in the first movie was in closed and claustrophobic areas, here it is in more open areas which reduces a lot of the scare. There is also something that happens midway which results in two different storylines and perspectives. One perspective is more story focused and the more interesting one while the other is just there to give the other characters a monster set piece. It results in less plot cohesion compared to the first movie.
There is also a problem from the first movie that is still here which is some characters still do dumb things. It's not a typical horror movie dumb decision but it can annoy you a bit. There are also some silly things in the plot if you think about it too hard so you got to suspend your belief a little to enjoy the movie. Another small problem I have is the VERY ABRUPT ending. It felt like there should have been at least 5 more minutes of scenes after to give a more satisfying ending. The first movie had an ending that left it open for a potential sequel but was a complete and satisfying ending that didn't need a sequel. Here the ending is a very blatant sequel hook that 100% warrants a sequel as that was not complete at all.
Overall, if you love the first movie then you are definitely going to like part II. Everything that I loved in the first movie is here. While it doesn't do a lot new or better than the 1st, it does the things that made it great in the first place and does it well. While it isn't as great as the first movie, none of the flaws stated take away from the experience. I thoroughly enjoyed A Quiet Place Part II and cannot wait for part 3 or any spinoffs being planned.
#movies#Movie Reviews#film#Film Review#a quiet place#a quiet place 2#a quiet place part ii#a quiet place part 2#emily blunt#john krasinski#cillian murphy#the office#peaky blinders
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