#it feels like a more logical conclusion
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for real WHERE does the idea that [utdr humans] are nongendered so that "you can project on them" come from. their literal character arcs are about NOT being a blank slate to be filled in by the audience
i think i understand the assumption on some level for undertale, because there is a very intentional effort to make you identify with the "player character" in order to make your choices feel like your own (the beating heart of undertale's metanarrative lies in giving you an alternative path to violence against its enemies after all, and whether you're still willing to persue it for your own selfish reasons. YOUR agency is crucial).
of course, the cardinal plot twist of the main ending sweeps the rug from under your feet on that in every way, and frisk's individuality becomes, in turn, a tool to further UT's OTHER main theme: completionism as a form of diegetic violence within the story. replaying the game would steal frisk's life and happy ending from them for our own perverse sentimentality, emotionally forcing our hand away from the reset button.
i think their neutrality absolutely aids in that immersion. but also, there's this weird attitude by (mostly) cis fans where it being functional within the story makes it... somehow "editable" and "up to the player" as well? which is gross and shows their ass on how they approach gender neutrality in general lol.
but also like. there's plenty of neutral, non PCharacters in undertale and deltarune. even when undertale was just an earthbound fangame and the player immersion metanarrative was completely absent, toby still described frisk as a "young, androgynous person". sometimes characters are just neutral by design. it's not that hard to understand lol.
anyone who makes this argument for kris deltarune is braindead. nothing else to say about it.
#this is a very difficult topic to discuss imo because on Some level I don't completely disagree with people who make that argument for chara#in SPIRIT. if not in action. like my point still stands characters can just Be neutral. and if that level of customization had been intended#well Pokemon's been doing the ''are you a boy or a girl'' shtick for ages. no reason why that couldn't have been included as well#but i do feel that we're supposed to identify with chara within the story. not as in chara is us but as in we are chara#and i think someone playing the game without outside interferences and (wrongly) coming to the conclusion that chara IS literally#themselves in the story. and thus call them by their own name (the one they likely inputted at the start) and pronouns#will be someone who grasped undertale's metanarrative more than someone who went in already spoiled on the NM route who thinks of chara#(and on some level frisk as well) as completely separate from us with independent wills and personhoods at any time#who treats them as nonbinary. even if their approach is more ''appropriate'' to a gender neutral person#systematic error vs manually changing every measure to fit what you already think is going to be the correct result. ykwim?#of course this opens a whole new parentheses while discussing the game outside of your personal experience#because even if you DO see chara as a self insert then they are a self insert for EVERYONE. women men genderqueer people#i don't call chara ''biscia'' even though that's what i named the fallen human in my playthrough. neither do i use they because i also do#if you're describing the character/story objectively in how they are executed then you're going to talk about them neutrally#because you ain't the only sunovabitch who played the darn game sonny#so like. either way you turn it. even in the most self insert reading you'd STILL logically use they/them so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ git gud#answered asks
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saying "if aroace people can date, then can lesbians date men?" is absolutely aphobic narrative btw!
#sorry just have to say this lol#so tired of people generalizing all aroace people as romance averse#its absolutely erasure of the rest of the spectrum#the top tweet isnt so bad depending on who theyre talking about#if a character ACTUALLY is canonically romance/sex aversed then yea its weird to erase that#but if they're canonically AROACE and you go 'erm that character cannot date or have sex🤓☝️' ur being aphobic as fuck#the 'shown no attraction to anyone' part kind of throws me off there#i hate when people say 'well this character didnt have feelings for anyone in the one year time span of the show so theyre romance aversed-#and nobody can ship them or else i'll harass u and subtweet u!1!!'#like. a characters life may not involve sex or romance at all fucking times. that does not make them aroace.#ur headcanon- even if you think its based on a logical conclusion- is not reality#sometimes yall just be making shit tf up#complaining about 'fanon' as if ur not the one pretending ur hc is real and treating everyone else like theyre the bad ones#but if that tweet is just saying that IN ADDITION to theyre canon identity then yea. thats valid.#their* </3#obviously the reply is fucking disgusting#i couldnt reply directly cuz my twitter is priv#people will say this kind of shit to ME- AN AROACE PERSON#u preach about aro/ace erasure but when an actual aroace walks in you tell them their way of being aroace is wrong#not everyone is the fucking same.#non-partnering aroaces deserve more rep but telling partnering aroaces that their way of being aroace is wrong is genuinely horrific#like actually fuck u#aromantic#asexual#aroace#arospec#meowing (yapping)
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i’m so overstimulated i need to get hit by a bus
#i cant stand up but i need to leave the living room bc my family is driving me nuts#i genuinely dont understand why their logical conclusion to me being pissed is ‘oh yes lets bother him more than when hes in a good mood’#no i dont need to be constantly touched and talked to#just bc i’m sitting the living room is not an invitation to bother me#and then they act surprised i dont like being there#like my god how often do i need to talk abt my feelings and boundaries for them to remember#being nice abt it doesnt help and getting angry doesnt help#bullshitting
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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gueeeeehhhhhhhhggghhhhhhhhhhh i wanna write a sonadow sickfic but like. The Logistics.
#:p#tails would have to be there ofc. which would actually be really interesting#at the end of the train of thought; my conclusion is that i'd have to make it part of a longfic#which is fine until you realize i suck absolute ass at those#i forget; is it even canon that shadow can heal ppl or was it just a cool popular hc?#like i haven't seen it in the games but Also i haven't seen all the games; tv; or comics#mannnnnn i just want a moment of abnormal tenderness where rather than being battle- or game-focused they're sharing a physical-#-vulnerability accompanied by emotional intimacy#but there's no in-character way i can presently think of that would make shadow even show up; much less actively help tails take care of him#maybe he could be the one to find him passed out and take him back to tails? but there'f have to be some reason why he'd need his help#hm. maybe he takes him to club rouge first and calls tails from there; then when sonic wakes up tails tells him how he helped#that feels more accurate to me#the question then is; is shadow the type to make the most logical decision; or would he make an emotional one First?#furthermore; iirc he was on rouge's Couch when he was ill. i do that when i'm sick; but it could imply that he doesn't actually live there#if he doesn't; there's not as much precedence for him to take sonic there first#i'm digesting food and a little dehydrated. will have to revisit this later
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You guys ever feel trapped? Yea I'm well-acquainted with the feeling of being trapped.
#*text#talk about unpleasant#sorry for only posting textposts here lately. I Forgot how I use this blog.#Also I'm gonna use this as an excuse to vent in the tags about something that's been bothering me today.#I hate days where it feels like I can't be the same person for even. idk. an hour?#I was gonna say just a general statement of 'I hate how I can't feel like the same person for more than an hour' but then I realized it onl#particularly bothered me today so maybe it's just a sometimes thing. throws hands up in the air I WOUDLN'T KNOW#It's just...nothing I do throughout the day matches. i keep starting new things only to forget about them (or forget how much I cared#about them) and try something else later. resulting in a long line of unfinished stuff and frustration.#I keep trying to come up with new conclusions/solutions to problems I've run through my head a million times already.#problems I didn't know I had or forgot about pop up etc.#I'll be doing fine and then I'll just feel stranded out of nowhere with no idea why and trying to figure out if this is normal for me.#I've felt stranded all day.#it's just ugh. i'm so confused. it's been a day i guess.#all the words i write feel kinda foreign to me sometimes. short term memory problems I guess. ✌️#but also I feel very very locked in a really limited worldview. or just like. my world feels very small like tunnel vision kind of thing an#for that reason it just feels like it'll go on the same forever and ever and ever. which is a very scary thought.#idk if my logical 'well that obviously isn't the case. things will change eventually' rebuttal is good enough to go against it.#so there you go I wrapped it all back to the point of the post: feeling trapped. yayyy#i don't mean to make myself sound so sad and pitiful. usually i'm doing fine and bad things kinda just don't register in my brain#but there are Secret Evil Feelings inside me that I don't even know about and sometimes I like to poke them with a stick.
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loved this scene in the 6th episode (right). When Valjean was going through the sewers, he kept hearing what a bad person he was in his head. And he kept going only to be stopped by iron bars he couldn't unlock nor move, feeling trapped and as if he was back behind the bars. The only thing he could do was to stretch out his hand, like he did countless times in the bagne (left)...
and his exhaustion and belief that he was bad (and all his flashbacks and general "I am not worthy and deserving" feelings) made it so easy to surrender when Javert appeared. Now Javert would take care of Marius, Javert would take him away. Cosette would be happy without him, she doesn't love him anymore.
And then Javert left. There was a sense of certainty in Javert, and he left and didn't take Valjean with him. His desperate cries for "Javert" in the empty street make so much sense for this Valjean. He wanted to be taken away.
Until Cosette's wedding, Valjean went through motions. He denounced himself to Marius as a form of punishment. And then he sentenced himself to leave Paris, to go and live in Digne (serving as his prison where the ghost of the bishop would guard him), cutting his hair short because he needed that reminder that he was a criminal. That he should be in prison.
#jean valjean#les miserables bbc#les miserables#i just like bbc!valjean a lot 🥺#the book is the book. the bbc 'verse is the bbc 'verse#so if you feel like telling me but actually in the book pls don't#you know when 2000!valjean calls out for 'javert' it's more like thx for catering to me than a sensible choice that makes sense#but in bbc it is a logical conclusion and why i think him falling down on his knees in that scene would also work#even though it would be perhaps a bit exaggerated#but like i said before it would please me lol
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like. okay. i have no real horse in the race of “which brother is the secret bad abuser” because the show does not actually care about that or think that either of them is actually treating each other that badly (except for when sam get manipulated, which is always his own fault and he should suffer for it /s)
but what i will say is that the way dean is written sometimes manages to make me more uncomfortable than any of the villains on this show. dean scares me. completely unintentionally, they did write a guy who only gets Worse over time, and it’s compelling, and it’s upsetting for me to watch.
#I don’t really mean this as a criticism because To Me it is just like. a part of the show.#it’s a feature. perhaps a Bethesda’s bug of a feature but. it’s a feature.#dean’s change in character feels natural. watching him get worse feels like the logical conclusion of where he’s going.#(the logical conclusion could also have been ‘dean makes an effort to not be so controlling’ but they didn’t do that. they leaned into it.)#so it isn’t much like. say. Lucifer. Lucifer is a character who just flips. motivations and character completely changed.#so disregarding his later appearances just? makes sense? to me anyway. that’s Not My Wife#but Dean’s character degradation is completely different in that it builds on what’s already there.#and whenever I write him I feel the need to. idk. grapple with that. with that potential to become Worse.#he is controlling! he doesn’t ever really trust sam that much post-s5! he does treat Cas his best friend like he doesn’t matter unless#he’s acting more human! these are just facts about him that show up long before the later seasons and idk! Dean is! he’s a lot!#he and Lucifer have a lot alike in the way that they’re driven mostly by love. and that love can easily go rotten. and it’s terrifying.#spn#dean winchester#sry watching s6 makes me think about. things.#actually no. not sorry. I’m going to get worse about this if I keep watching so stay tuned.
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writing is so funny actually bc im in the last stretch of my owl house daemon au and im just NOW like holy shit what if i make the azura book series subject to intense banned book bullshit for daring to show unconventional human-daemon relationships a la what luz and mari have going on. what if it violates the middle grades unspoken book rule of always having your child characters settle by the end. what if azura is the name of the DAEMON
#chatter#yes im procrastinating writing the final chapter of thanks to them why do you ask#anyways throwing yet another problem to editing acacia of the future#LIKE I CANT NOT GO THIS ROUTE and the fact that luzmaris dad gave these books to them????#anyways uhhhhhhh I swear I think about daemons and settling a normal amount#I feel like I’ve written enough normal daemon has now I’m like.#alright time to take this to its logical conclusion. what sort of fucked up society does that produce#AND IT IS. SO FUN#more people should explore the harm of daemon settle actually join me in this space#I JUST WANT TO YELL ABOUT IT#BUT I HAVE TO FINISH THE GOT DANGED FICS FIRST
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this is not a question or whatever I just wanted to tell you how much I love your blog. I have been following you for years and I really think you are one of few blogs that is actually enjoyable to follow and not just a black hole of hate. Hope you're doing well!!!
this is so sweet bb thx a trillion :((
#no i love YOU!#im like really emotional rn bc exams + life is railing me i just need to get through the next 11 days but this made me choke UP#i just dont feel energised by hate. l think i hate as much as the next person but i refuse to make it a main feature of my blog#people who make it their whole identity to be a hater and incessantly hate are offputting to me even if theyre hating on people i dont fw#like the occasional funny post that bangs is A+ but ive seen people who are like if my driver flops then i hope daniel/lewis/carlos/lando#or whoever crashes at least and it think thats soooooo yuck lol. like youre actively exposing youre a loser.#sorry my driver doing well will always mean more to me#sport is sport and you like who you like and hate who you hate#but there are whole ass blogs on tumblr whos whole brand is peddling hate and inevitably that turns into targeting fanbases#and being mean and horrible to them by extension because thats the logical conclusion of parasocial loserism#none of that on these holy grounds (ef-1.com(psyche ward))
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it's not about that you "have" to get to exercise your autonomy. b/c like, yes you do, but not in the way that "if i don't get to do that Now i will explode & evaporate (& die)" which is what people keep leveraging to be like "so you don't have any valid argument for getting to act out your own choices"
therein is another issue of "why do you need a 'valid argument' to get Exceptions as ruled by this person to exist autonomously, unpunished" like why's this person an authority who gets to punish you. nonrhetorically, why do you have to appeal to their maybe possibly deciding to Let you be a person. should you "have" to.
and if you don't get that Permission that you supposedly "have" to get, you also will not immediately explode and die if you do that unpermitted thing, but shocking how "you don't Haaaave to" is only invoked re: things you want to do for yourself, and not what they want you to do for them....because it's Not Really About "Literally literally Haaaaving to"
the alignment between people getting on one for years about asexuality, and while doing so maxing out the saturation on their bullshit on any & everything, b/c you're just getting into anti autonomy, so ofc you're also just stoking & expressing "arguments" against autonomy that are deployed in plenty of other contexts, including against other queer identities....and that particular resonance with biphobia & transphobia, and how either groups are theoretically thwarting the Truest Gays because how will we have a valid argument against the truest cishets agenda if we can't convince them we haaaaaave to be like this instead of that no, we won't explode & die if we have to be repressed or at least closeted another day, and another, and you won't explode after another, either, etc. rather than thee point of "asexuality autonomy = queer autonomy = Your queer autonomy = Anyone's Autonomy" and "why do we 'have' to Convince anyone to go 'oh alriiiight' abt one's choices about how they express their identity, what decisions they make about having sex"....it's about anyone having the power to preclude & restrict others' autonomy & constrain their existence between one kind of more imminent, immediate harm/death & a more drawn out one where you exist as a resource for others' use but at least you aren't Literally dead today. so what if someone's saying "well i don't think your gender/sexuality stuff is Real" so long as they can't get in the way of other people living that out anyways. so what if someone's supposedly like "well, but everyone could be bi" (which they don't. just like ppl were never 'pretending' to be asexual to nefariously stand around in the queer space that never rigorously vetted everyone anyways? Making Up A Guy To Get Mad At) to supposedly argue that if all of you are bi you can just restrict yourself to the Cishet Appearing manifestations (which they don't) where what's that even matter if this [guy to get mad at] can't make that anyone else's problem? if he can, why can he. should he be able to. that's the problem, not "have we all tried the constant biphobia wherein they're always thwarting & sabotaging the rest of us?? like how trans people are keeping us from being legitimate?? with the opportunity for some trans people to also try declaring other noncis people Not Legitimately Trans?? well the cishet agenda loves asexuals, actually, they want everyone to never have sex ever (they don't want that, and that's not what being asexual is)"
using the "you can't Know through Direct Perception or extrasensory phenomena what someone else's Thoughts And Feelings are" both ways; wherein their assertion of their intentions, true or not, gets to be treated as an assertion of Reality, meanwhile b/c Your intentions/thoughts/feelings can't be directly observed, you're just lying or exaggerating or misremembering or failing to Express yourself correctly b/c they would've surely interpreted it correctly otherwise, or [anything else] re: your inner experiences that you can't "prove" are one way or another, so this other person gets to always decide for themself what they must be (why?) and if they just so happen to decide they Must be in alignment with what they want (good) or unacceptably, evilly, incorrectly Against Them, they also get to flex their control over the entire situation via their Authority / control over resources / the person's lack of other options b/c of isolation & that, say, breaking away from a family, job, marriage or just deemed correctly romantic relationship, is punished by the larger system of How Things Are, through a lack of resources that makes you more vulnerable in general as well as vulnerable to further punishment in how you might try to respond to that situation, through the general stance that maintaining cohesion of a Unit like the nuclear family, the "romantic" "man"/"woman" couple, is good, so breaking from it is deviant........anyways it's like. if you're like "well i'm having sex b/c i want to" and someone is like "well i say YOURE LYING" like, what? "isn't there someone you forgot to ask" shit. why should that get to affect things. whether you're like "oh no. what if they could say 'you're lying...b/c how do i knowwww you're not BI. where you could want to have sex with someone BESIDES this one person rn?? or ACE??? if you Don't have sex rn and you Don't explode and die 5 min later we will Know you Could Be Asexual" like, this isn't how it works anyways obviously but theoretically if it did: we would not be like "oh sorry guess that's what matters" unless what mattered was some people's being lower on a hierarchy and at the quite literal disposal of those with more power than them. what would the crisis be of someone going "well i think. every gay person? is bi" or someone going "you've just told me your name is gloria but i think your name is actually tetris...." or "i'm so embarrassed i wish everyone but me was dead" if none of these things can hinder the existence of people having sex w/autonomy for all involved or people getting to tell you their name or all other people being alive
the banger quote on my imdb page was saying "no, i don't 'Have' to, but i'm going to" to an authoritarian in my life, concluding several minutes' "negotiation" of [i 'have' to hang up on this call now b/c the movie i'm standing in this movie theater to see is about to start. no i won't explode and die if i don't. i also won't explode and die if i don't keep "talking" to you (being Talked At / lectured & upbraided from afar)] funny how that works. i also Know this was a checkmate b/c that person gave up on responding (or, technically, switched to The Silent Treatment, which worked even worse via phone than in person) and i did hang up rather than miss the movie i showed up for and then they had to resort to Other Methods: telling someone willing to take on the enabling cop mode that i had Essentially said Go Fuck Yourself. like well that's right, and the fact that it's a "go fuck yourself" to get to say "i am going to end the call b/c i choose to do something else" and then actually do so is a real testament to this relationship. and if one had said "i can't keep talking, i have to go" and someone's like "sldfj you mean thou MAY not keep talking" teehee i don't know, CAN you have the peas????? it's like this obviously doesn't matter. i can choose to do shit and choose to not do shit without exploding and dying right this very second, except for taking 5 sec to eat a deadly bomb with a timer set for 5 sec. This Is Not The Point. why is autonomy off-limits to Anyone.
#authoritarian parent whose silent treatments fail: anti crossdressing household law will get everyone to stop inconveniently Being People#spoilers: i continue to be a real life person; nonbinary; autistic; i continue to not engage in a relationship w/that parent b/c#Their choice was to have that relationship be the authority & the property. so the response to that: not being in that situation.#creating that kind of relationship & then being like ''why don't i get the Benefits of a different kind of relationship that is defined by#everyone being recognized as people and having actual positive experiences and legitimately Wanting to interact :(''#the autonomy to Not do something b/c you don't want to = the autonomy to Totally do something b/c you do want to#hence the idea of the True / Ideal Homosexual being ''but i Must Only have gay sex or i'll explode & die'' vs ''i feel like having gay sex'#yeah we ''could'' all be forced into binary genders & nuclear family units & be miserable & isolated but not literally explode.#but why should we. why would we. why can't we Not do that#hence as well that queer autonomy=everyone's autonomy. ppl who id as cishet? don't need to be Forced into that or into Awful Marriage Asap#but they do if we wanna isolate everyone / eliminate broader social support networks / restrict the autonomy to do anything else#asexuality handshake bisexuality. parallel to aromanticism handshake polyamory#and the backup to ''well but you won't literally die'' is to preclude Choice entirely by diverting the focus from [questioning ur choices]#to [questioning whether you have the capacity to make choices] as an extension. lens on ableism / disability justice is in Everything#not in like a ''huh. who'd've thought that overlapped'' Fun Fact way but in [you don't Understand that issue fully if you don't see ableism#someone's always getting to justify their authority by their Superior Ability vs others' Inferior/Absent Ability#saw that zany ''radical queer theory based on vibes is now that asexuals aren't queer'' streak definitely manifest ableism#a good ol fashioned ''asexuals won't consider What's Wrong With Them / try harder to seek some conversion therapy'' great stuff gang#or even more useless declarations of ''haha but most people Aren't ace. it's not Normal to not want to have sex. checkmate?''#and what is your conclusion to that logic? ended up in ''ace ppl. are cringe!! & maybe not real!!!'' aaand what do we do with that?#what praytell do you suggest change based on that. how has that exclusionist analysis served queer lives. how is it continuing to do so.#versus like and who cares if everyone Could possibly all be labeled bi if what is In Practice anyways is ppl getting to have sex or Not how#they want to anyways. recognizing that Any trans person's existence is a testament to Everyone's autonomy#any ''threat'' to children is always guaranteed abt the Threat to [parents' control to decide Who & What a child gets to be]#that is; ''protecting'' children is abt the child being the property of parents. gotta protect That by withholding all info about trans ppl#even existing from kids b/c Property can't decide their identities for themselves so Children can't be allowed to either#their even knowing that some people Do get to exist autonomously is; indeed; that ''threat'' to the [child is property] order#and Language as Possibility. it's the 2010s & you can only go ''that's me i'm nonbinary'' when you learn abt the word ''nonbinary''#even though you can then know you always knew but you didn't have the word so you had to keep on using other; more inaccurate words....#discovering the tree trunk of [word: Autistic] that roots all these branches of ppl talking abt Experiences & now Realizing Things....
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Going to share my thoughts on Murder on the Orient Express--it took me a while to finally settle on how I feel about the novel, overall.
(Spoilers ahead--if you want to read this book, I'd advise doing so before looking at this post!)
First of all, I did like that I could pick up on smaller "throwaway" details--such as the grease stain, the scarlet kimono (which became a recurring part of the investigation), and the conversation between two of the suspects at the start of the book, before Poirot even boarded the Orient Express. I enjoy being able to pick up on things and use those clues to try and draw my own conclusions.
Poirot is a character I'm currently not sure about--I don't want to say I dislike him, just yet, because I want to read a few more of the books before I draw any conclusions. He does intrigue me, as he shares some similarities with Sherlock--refusing cases when they don't interest him, for example, as well as him never putting stock in one theory or another until he's gathered enough information. That said, his personality is still ... difficult for me to figure out. I do think he'd be a fun character to explore, though, so I'm going to stick with him for a while longer--perhaps he'll grow on me.
As for the mystery itself, I think it's good! I really enjoyed the investigation segment--the examination of the body, the interviewing of the suspects, the searching of compartments ... gathering the evidence alongside Poirot was really fun for me, and I liked trying to figure out who killed Cassetti.
But the ending ... initially, I wasn't really sure about it. I was trying to piece the mystery together as I read, and for the life of me I couldn't settle on a single suspect--everyone felt suspicious. That said, the conclusion being every suspect (save one) stabbed the victim left me feeling a bit disappointed, at first. Technically, I was right in that no single person committed the crime, but I also wasn't right because I never once considered the possibility everyone committed it.
However, after sitting with it for a while, I do think it's a good conclusion. After everything we learned, it's the only scenario that makes sense--it explains why certain pieces of evidence were left at the crime scene, and why everyone had such watertight alibis: they were all in on the crime, even the conductor. And, at the end of the day, the man they killed was a criminal who'd kidnapped and killed a three-year-old child, and his actions caused the child's mother to miscarry--resulting in her premature death,--prompted the father to commit suicide, and drove an innocent nursery maid to throw herself out a window, thus ending her life. All twelve of them had connections to this family in some way, and though it was difficult for me to wrap my head around at first, their scheme was clever, and I'm glad that they got their justice--and that none of them will be charged with the murder, since everyone opted to go along with the theory that a stranger slipped aboard and murdered Cassetti.
With all that said, I'm looking forward to reading other Hercule Poirot novels ... I'm really tempted to make an OC based off him, since I think it'd be fun to pit his "guessing" method of solving crimes against Sherry's more logical "deductions."
#my opinion changed as I wrote this ... my final conclusion is that Murder on the Orient Express is a good read#still unsure about Poirot after all this reflection‚ but I'll wait to judge him#I want to read a few more books before I decide how I feel about him ... all I know is he's ''famous'' and his method is ''guessing''#although I do think there's some logic in there‚ too--he wasn't making guesses willy-nilly#he intrigues me ... I don't like nor dislike him--I simply feel intrigue#a real page turner: Murder on the Orient Express#scattered pages
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if sex is no big deal and just a normal thing like having dinner with someone, how do you square that with the belief that children can't consent to sex? Like idk this whole thing of "sex is a normal act like any other and we shouldn't treat it differently" makes me soo uncomfortable because i feel like it's really obviously not in a lot of situations? Otherwise what's the difference between being told by my boss to have lunch with one of our prospective clients being told by my boss to blow one of our prospective clients? :/
let's take your dinner example to its logical conclusion, because you are on to something here, but I don't think quite in the way that you think.
children are forced to eat food that they this really dislike (due to sensory issues, allergies, or just run of the mill unfamiliarity) quite regularly by their caregivers. they are also sometimes denied the right to eat because they didn't behave the way their caretakers liked, and sent to bed hungry, or barred from eating food that they can handle, and instead left to go hungry because they won't eat food they can't handle.
treatment like this causes a lot of food issues and trauma to children. It exacerbates eating disorders and erodes a child's sense of their own body autonomy. It can also cause children to have nutritional issues and a scarcity mentality around food that can be really damaging to them.
similarly, people are forced to share meals with people who they are viscerally uncomfortable around all the time too, often to extreme negative effects. employees are forced to sit down with clients who debase them or harass them. Young people in particular are forced into sharing tables with relatives who have crossed their boundaries, insulted them, abused them, bullied them, and whom they want nothing to do with. people in recovery from eating disorders are surrounded by co-workers, family members, or friends at meal times who speak about calories and weight loss and comment on their own bodies and other people's bodies in incredibly invasive and triggering ways that often make them feel way worse, and make taking care of their own bodies far more difficult.
when a powerful institution wants to exert control over other people, they also often do so using food. prisoners are given almost no control over the kind of food they eat, and are often given very low quality food that is in a disgusting condition, or that violates their own nutritional requirements or religious beliefs. patients in hospitals and in mental institutions are also subjected to such treatment, and people in poverty are expected to eat anything that they are given without complaint. It is an extension of their dehumanization to control and limit the kinds of food they're allowed to access, and how and when they are permitted to eat.
each of these experiences surrounding food can be incredibly violating and harmful. food is quite frequently a tool of control and abuse. yet it is not because there is some magical quality to food or to dinners that make them uniquely fraught with the potential for trauma. these experiences are traumatic because they involve a violation of a person's body autonomy, and a lack of social power.
sex isn't any different from dinner. we just have a series of cultural beliefs surrounding it that make the pressure involving sex something that's both a lot more acknowledged, and mostly encountered in the private realm.
Sex is treated as an almost magical thing, at once both sinister and sacrosanct, and so people are primed to see the potential for harm in it, and it is frequently used as a tool for harming people because it is so loaded, but that doesn't mean there aren't abuses involving every other mundane human activity that we simply are conditioned to ignore because doing so is so normal.
People's body autonomy surrounding food is violated traumatically all the fucking time. unfortunately because we consider dinner to be a neutral activity and sex to be this incredibly fraught and almost magical one, we ignore the massive amounts of coercion, pressure, and violation surrounding food.
your boss shouldn't be able to force you to get dinner with someone. and people are uncomfortable with discussions about body autonomy that neutralize sex, because it forces them to confront how little freedom we actually have in every facet of our lives.
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how did i realise i was bi both so quickly and so slowly
#like#on the one hand#the moment i realised i was attracted to women (both times) i went: oh. bisexual. cool. fuck. now i'm oppressed.#and i wasn't like 'but i like boys and girls what could this possibly mean??' it was more. oh yeah no okay this logically has to be bisexua#and there was like wondering if there was split attraction in that (i don't think there is for me) but i was like. either way. there's#some non-platonic attraction for more than one gender#(also why i like bisexual bc i am bisexual and biromantic and i like saying that after coming to that conclusion#also i find it rolls off the tongue better than bi)#but GIRL#why did you get so excited to get this girl's phone number#better: why were you so desperate to get this girl's phone number#i know you were excluded and wanted to make friends but why these girls specifically#why did they make you feel like that#also the kiss dreams#like you have a dream where you make out with your friend in a dark closet. cool. subtle.#i think google said 'it could?? just be a friendship thing' so i ran with that but uh. i had a crush on her through my whole senior year#it was not just a friend thing#especially not given how much i liked it#also. why the dreaming about kissing an imaginary girl? which you also enjoyed? like. babe make it make sense#'yes i love watching glee s5 toxic and ikag but For The Outfits' are you kidding me#to be fair. never took an am i gay test. because i knew that was a common queer experience and I Was Not Queer#how come i knew that at such a young age?#there were. so many signs.
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List of character flaws that could make a funny original character (OC) even more entertaining
Chronic clumsiness: Tripping, stumbling, and knocking things over with comedic regularity.
Absurdly bad luck: Experiencing a series of comically unfortunate events.
Exaggerated laziness: Finding increasingly creative ways to avoid doing any work.
Uncontrollable laughter: Breaking into fits of giggles at the most inappropriate moments.
Inability to keep a secret: Accidentally blurting out confidential information or gossip.
Extreme forgetfulness: Frequently losing belongings or forgetting important appointments.
Obsessive-compulsive quirks: Engaging in peculiar rituals or behaviors for no apparent reason.
Social awkwardness: Saying and doing the most cringeworthy things in social situations.
Over-the-top dramatics: Reacting melodramatically to even the smallest of inconveniences.
Excessive talkativeness: Rambling on endlessly without realizing they've lost their audience.
Compulsive lying: Fabricating outlandish stories to impress others or get out of trouble.
Food obsession: Constantly eating or talking about food, even in inappropriate contexts.
Nervous tics: Displaying quirky mannerisms or habits when feeling anxious.
Paranoid tendencies: Jumping to wild conclusions and imagining elaborate conspiracy theories.
Uncontrollable curiosity: Snooping around and getting into trouble due to a relentless need to know.
Over-the-top superstitions: Believing in absurd lucky charms or rituals.
Excessive hypochondria: Constantly diagnosing themselves with imaginary illnesses.
Silly phobias: Fearing utterly ridiculous things, like rubber ducks or clowns.
Inability to tell time: Consistently running late or showing up at bizarre hours.
Ridiculous fashion sense: Sporting outrageous outfits or hairstyles that defy all logic.
These flaws can turn your funny OC into a lovably eccentric character, bringing humor and charm to any story or situation they find themselves in.
#writing#writer on tumblr#writerscommunity#writing tips#character development#writing advice#oc character#writing help#creative writing#character flaws#funny writing#funny traits
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state of grace ❀ s. reid x reader



in which your cat has taken liking to your friend with benefits, and you begin to battle with the consequential feelings.
pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: fluff (18+ for suggestive content) tags: established friends with benefits. reader has a cat. your cat likes him more than you :( avoidant!reader for like a teensie second. it's okay happy ending. the happiest possible ending actually. fade to black. word count: 1.9k a/n: sometimes the most beautiful poetry can be about simple things. like a cat. :) im a dog person. idk why i wrote this.
Seventeen times.
That is how many times Spencer Reid had found residence at your apartment in the past month alone, taking up the space on the other side of your bed. Thirteen of those times he had stayed the night. Six of those times, he had come for sex. The other eleven? He had come because you needed a friend.
Or, rather, your cat did.
You had discovered you weren't any more complex than your average man, at the end of the day. Human beings are at their core created to love and be loved, and by extension, to want and be wanted. You wanted Spencer, and you were wanted by Spencer. For both your friendship, and the intimacy your relationship provided.
But you did not love him, and he did not love you.
Cat's are anything but fickle creatures. A lot of your best friendships were centred around whether or not your cat developed a liking to the person or not. Oftentimes, your fleeting relationships came down to the odd sixth sense the animal had for disliking the worst people. That, and your one night stands were never a crowd favourite within the walls of your apartment. And yet; Spencer Reid.
He was nothing short of charming. In a sort of dorky way, yes. But whatever socially romantic skills he lacked, he most certainly made up for by giving you the best of just about everything in bed. A small part of you wants to claim it's human instinct to know how to worship the person meant for you, but the logical reason is probably his eidetic memory knowing exactly what he's doing after a singular trial run. Entertaining the thought of being his soulmate was not a wise choice.
He most certainly was your cat's, though. The Ragdoll always jumping down to greet him the second he stepped foot in your apartment, usually resulting in the break of a kiss and a five minute intermission before the two of you could do anything.
At first, it was an inconvenience. Your cat had never taken such a liking to a person you'd brought home before, and it was jarring to watch a man you were partially trying to undress, stop everything to pet your cat. Now, it is simply endearing. You've stopped trying to steal Spencer's attention before the cat does, and you've come to the conclusion that Spencer's priority list will always be the feline, then you.
Today was, seemingly, no different. Despite the dull ache between your legs and the fact that this visit had started as something as obscene as Spencer calling from his work bathroom to ask if he could come over after for he was, and you quote, in dire need to touch you (among many other things), whatever those needs were, were put on hold.
You smile regardless, leaning against the edge of your couch as he crouches down to meet Po — yes, like the panda — his hand immediately reaching out for the cat to run his head along.
Spencer's head lifts to look at you. "Morgan thinks Po isn't a real cat, and we've just got a name for your—um—" his brain catches up to his mouth mid sentence, and he's stammering his way to silence.
"Please tell me you defended my cat's honour," you retort.
"I did! I even showed him the photo I took of him while you were in the shower last week. He thinks it's a different person's cat."
You shake your head in disapproval. "Unbelievable. Your coworker thinks we've named my pussy."
"That's just Morgan."
"I wish Po could speak English. Then he could hear this nonsense, and stop loving you more than me," you grumble, and Spencer's lips twitch up into a smile, as he situates himself on the floor, the cat climbing into his lap.
"Actually, he technically can. Cat's can understand up to thirty-five words in whatever language you train them in. Also, when they meow, they begin trying to mimic the sound of certain human words. It's their vocal tract that prevents them from literally speaking English," he explains.
But, you're too invested in the way his long fingers are delicately running through the cat's hair, to both respond, and really pay any attention at all.
You had had fleeting thoughts about real feelings for Spencer two months ago. Brushing them off as loneliness and your need to satiate the hopeless romantic within you, you'd forgotten about it up until this recent week.
He'd been over every single day, sometimes for sex, oftentimes for a movie and dinner (which was usually a bowl of pasta you had overestimated while cooking). And every single time, you'd developed an overwhelming anxious pit in your stomach when watching him interact with Po, your heart fluttering the entire time, mind running rampant on domestic thoughts you should be squashing.
Should be, but weren't.
You'd tried to put it down to the motherly instinct you had over the animal. Seeing somebody else treat him with as much love and care as you did was endearing — it wasn't a Spencer Reid specific trait. Yet, here you were.
"I feel like the benefits of this relationship have changed," you say, seating yourself in front of Spencer on the floor, Po lifting his head to look at the person behind the sudden movement, before he let it rest back on Spencer's thigh.
"To what?"
"My cat," you huff, and Spencer laughs.
"He is my favourite benefit thus far," he muses.
"The feeling is definitely mutual," you nod your head to Po, whose eyes were now shut, seemingly quite comfortable disregarding all your personal plans and taking Spencer's attention.
"Animals don't usually like me," he comments. "I don't know why Po is different."
Oh, you had a few ideas why.
"Maybe he's exercising the keep your enemies closer life motto," you offer, and Spencer's eyebrows shoot up in faux offence.
"This is unadulterated love," he protests. "He does not think of me as an enemy."
"That's what he wants you to believe," you hum, pushing yourself up on your legs. "Well, since plans have been rudely interrupted, do you want some dinner?"
"Sure," he answers, though his attention is back on Po. Clearly so, for he says, "I'll get to our original plans after we eat, don't worry," almost absentmindedly.
It's the kind of thing that makes you forget you're in the room with the dictionary definition of a nerd. You know it's only because sometimes he says what he is thinking without thinking. It doesn't do anything to help the ongoing internal battle about your feelings for him.
Or maybe he does know exactly what he's doing.
"You should get a cat," you say, heading into your kitchen to find something for the two of you to eat. "You seem to like them enough."
"Why? I have yours."
"I'm not going to be around forever," you reply, unthinking. "I mean, one day we're gonna have to end this because the other has found someone they want to be with. Properly. It wouldn't be fair to keep a friendship."
He falls silent, and when you lift your head, you see he's staring at you with an almost confused frown on his face, which triggers your own confusion to appear. His scratching of Po's head has been interrupted, and you're starting to question what was wrong about what you had said.
Sure, you're pretty sure you have feelings for him, but as far as you knew, they were one sided. Right?
"I didn't—I thought—" he cuts himself off, takes a deep breath, then continues. "I thought that had changed this past month."
"What do you mean?"
"I just—I've been here for things other than sex a lot. I thought you knew I liked you, and you were subtly trying to tell me you liked me too. I'm starting to sense I misread that."
For a profiler, he was incredibly awful at reading you.
"Yeah..." You slowly nod your head, but it's the deepening of his frown that has you rushing to add, "I mean, I—I do. Like you. I'm kind of embarrassed that was obvious. But I didn't think you liked me outside of having sex with me. I wasn't trying to communicate my feelings. I was trying to hide them."
"Oh," he falls silent again. "So the times I’ve been here in the past month weren’t makeshift dates?"
"They weren't intended that way..." you trail off. "Did you see them as dates?"
"Kind of, I guess," he's back to running his fingers through Po's fur, just to keep his anxious hands busy. "They don't have to be, if you don't want them to. I just thought this feeling was mutual and we were... I guess, dating."
"The feeling is mutual," you quickly correct him. "I know that now. I didn't think we were dating because I didn't think you liked me back. Changing our relationship kind of needs to be a conversation."
"Right," he breathes out, an awkward smile painting his lips. "Is this the conversation, then?"
"I guess?"
"So now we're dating."
"If that's what you want," you nod, head feeling a little fuzzy.
"Is it what you want?" he presses. Always the gentleman.
"Maybe," you muse, leaning forwards against the kitchen countertop.
He's watching you, and for a second you let the silence fall over you, fearful that you've just discouraged him enough to ruin things between you. He carefully takes Po off his lap, the cat running into your room the second his paws hit the hardwood floor, and he's standing up to move over to you.
"I don't like maybe," he frowns. "Yes or no?"
You blink, realising he was evidently too anxious of your genuine response to have any recognition to your poor attempt of a joke.
"Yes, Spencer. That's what I want," you're breathless as you speak, and you're thankful for the relieved smile that stretches across his lips.
"That's what I want too," he answers.
"Yeah, I figured." Your second attempt at a tease lands, and he huffs a small laugh, which warms your heart. "Do you still want dinner?"
He had somehow gotten closer to you throughout the awkward enough conversation, and he was sliding his arms around your waist. Something he had done many times before, yes, and yet this time it was feeling much more intimate, and your heart was thrumming against your chest a little harder than usual.
"Maybe it can wait?" he offers, ducking his head down, lips ghosting over your own. "I don't have a bothersome cat keeping me preoccupied from you, now."
Despite yourself, you poke a finger into his chest and say, "Don't insult Po."
"I'm not. Just merely stating an obvious fact."
"I'll call him back in here to preoccupy me."
"He has selective hearing. And he likes me more than you."
Your lips drop into a frown, lower lip jutting out, and Spencer is quick to try and kiss it off within seconds of noticing it.
"I'm sorry. That was mean. I promise he doesn't like me more than you," he says, though his voice is too amused to be entirely sincere.
"That was mean," you agree with a firm nod. "You're very mean to me, Spencer Reid."
"I know, I'm awful. Can I make it up to you, sweet girl?"
Well, when he asks you like that.
"Mm..." you hesitate, but he's already guiding you around, walking you backwards, through your apartment and towards your bedroom. "Yeah, I guess so."
Hands that were around your waist hike your shirt up, his lips still kissing against your skin despite the intense multitasking he was forcing upon the two of you.
"Thank you."
your reblogs and replies are always appreciated ♡
#lia’s fics ♡#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fic#spencer reid imagine#spencer x reader#spencer x self insert#spencer reid x reader#criminal minds#criminal minds fic#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds imagine#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x reader fluff#spencer reid x you
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