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acid-ixx · 2 months ago

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ch.4: again &. again (platonic! yandere batfam x neglected! gn reader)

directory: preq, chapter one, chapter two, chapter three, chapter four, chapter five pt 1

read until the end for an author's note.

tw: self-esteem issues, alcohol abuse, allusions to self-harm.

"baby bird, i know i haven't been talking to you much as of lately. but i just want to let you know that we miss you alright?"

not delivered.

"i really regret ignoring you, we all do. i'm-"

he hesitates, then deletes the last word of his message.

"—we're the ones in the wrong for everything, alright? you blocked me, i'm sure you did for everyone else too, i get that, but we care for you now and that won't change anytime soon. please remember that."

not delivered.

"and it pains me seeing that you're not replying to my messages at all, baby bird. but i promise i'll-"

dick bites his lips at the mistake of addressing himself only rather than that of the family, but a greedy part of him wants you to read the messages and to see only him in spite of everything rather than them, feeling a sense of... need to be the first and only one you see when you think about accepting their apologies, even if he's writing to you whilst simultaneously trying to get his family in your good graces.

dick doesn't know it. why he's suddenly obsessed with you. you? yes you, his stupidly precious sibling, the one who looked up to him, frail and wronged by the world, with so much drive behind that stare. third child of bruce, yet second youngest in the family. the one that got away, the one he has never once saw outside that one memory of glinting, awe-inspired eyes that told more stories than poets, drew more emotions than artists.

nobody saw you outside of your status as the manor's ghost— but compared to your other siblings, he knew you the most. he wants to be the only man good enough to be considered your brother, your oldest brother; an obligation he's willing to uptake just for you. he wants to be the only one with the authority to call you his baby bird. he doesn't know why, despite the thirteen and a half years, it's him wanting, no, needing to see you again.

you, just you.

every bits and pieces of you.

in his mind, it's just him and you. in your tiny little bedroom, with your dozens of sketchbooks and diaries, with only your brother, dick, to accompany you. in your own little world, as you speak to him of your dreams and passions with nothing else in your mind. you'd look up at him with sparkling eyes, look at him like he means everything in the world to you, and he'd see you as his world.

when he thinks of that, the more he hopes of the possibility of you reading his messages; his declaration of never leaving you alone anymore. and with hope comes along this dread that you'd reply with a nasty reply, or that... you'll never bat an eye him anymore.

dick doesn't take a second glance to correct his mistake again this time.

"i promise i'll be better for you baby bird. my little hatchling, my little one. i discarded you, someone so precious. you must've felt hurt, no? i get that, i'm so sorry you have to go through that because of me. but look! you have me now, we have each other now! and that might not be enough yet to mend the bridge i left to fall, but if you just, please reply to me, or anyone else, then we can fix this. i promise, baby bird."

not delivered.

"you won't ever feel hurt anymore, or sad or lonely. hell, even bruce is getting you a new bedroom fixed up, isn't that great!? i'll even convince the old man to make sure your room is close to my old one so you can visit me anytime. i'll even stay over at gotham for even longer, just for you! and i'll spend my time with you, with just the two of us, okay? nobody else can disturb us. i'm sure you'd like that too."

not delivered.

"and we can hang out anytime you want, no? sleepovers, movie nights, journalling— all the cool stuff you wanted to do with me in the past, we can do now! and it'll be fun with you, i can see it happening alrrady, i just know it. you can't convince me otherwise, baby bird."

not delivered.

"that's why i'm begging you to unblock me, little one, or to at least read all my previous messages, please? :( i'm still so sorry over how i treated you in the past. i've nothing to defend myself over how i acted towards you. i was so delusional, ignoring you when all you clearly wanted was to spend time with me, with the family."

not delivered.

"we can even have that dinner together, remember?! at that fancy restaurant you talked about, yeah? my treat, of course. you can order the entire damn menu and i'll leave you room for seconds and desserts. i can even make arrangements to get bruce to rent out the entire restaurant so it would just be the two of us plus the family, but mostly just us— that would be good! then you can sleep at my room after we get home to the manor since we're turning your old one into an atelier just for you! i'll even carry your cute little figure up any flight of stairs whenever you get tired."

not delivered.

"i promise i'll really make it up to you baby bird!!! <3"

not delivered.

"for all the times we neglected you, left you thinking you didn't deserve a spot in the manor (which you truly do, it's us to blame for never seeing it that way), made you feel negative emotions towards us— i'll take your pain and turn that into joy, i promise."

not delivered.

"and if you do manage to read through all this, please remember..."

not delivered.

"i love you so much, alright? we'll find you soon, and you'll be happier with us, i'm sure of it. i love, love, love you so much my baby bird."

not delivered.

he sighs, resigning his thoughts all to himself as he checks his phone every minute for a simple ring of notifications just from you. he prefers to leave his phone in silent mode from the multitude of other contacts bothering him, but god forbade if that means he'd scroll past to a single reply of yours, then he'd rather burn in hell.

and anything is better than the pain inflicted on him when it comes to the thought of you ignoring him.

because after all, he does mean it when he says he loves you, his baby bird, his adorable little sibling.

he'd rather hell than you seeing him any less of an older brother.

what takes longer? is it a seed growing into a bud, a bud into a bloom, or a flower to fully shrivel and die?

how long does it take for it to be considered worthy? deserving of attention and the rightful spotlight to attain its needs for life?

what takes its time? what other variable does it need for it to survive in such harsh conditions? if it's forcefully pried open as a seedling, as a bud growing in a field full of weeds sapping, draining it of its nutrition, or in a scorching, desolate desert, or pestilent lands; would it still be considered a flower?

what does a seed need to grow into a flower? beautiful, treasured, with vibrant colors reflecting off the surface of each petal, growing pollen for every pollinator to spread its bountiful success you call development?

what does it require?

everyone knows the answer, some could only be ignorant enough to turn the other way and reject the idea altogether.

it needs care, nourishment — healthy soil building a strong foundation, its home with roots carefully embedded in the ground, then it also requires water, a source of life given to it in specific times with just the right dose, and sunlight kissing its stems and petals warmly — and finally, love.

lots of love, attention, and patience from mother nature herself and its caretakers we call humans.

but how could a flower receive any, if not, all it needs, if it's raised under a marshy, overgrowth rainforest that speaks of death and cruel poachers that could step on the bloom of any moment?

how could a flower live, let alone survive, if its careless caretakers who took it away from its fertile lands neglect it of its requirements to grow and bloom into its rightful imagery?

just how?

you are a flower.

and you will wilt soon the longer you live in what you once thought was your home.

growing in cracked, dry soil, with no water nor sunlight aiding your growth.

you are a flower.

who had been loved by your creator, mother nature herself; your mother. but you've never once felt the care nor love of your cruel humans you call family, your father had never once saw your budding petals, kissed it, patiently watered or spent time outside in the sunlight with you. your brothers don't notice your dehydrated pets, shriveled leaves and bent stems, nor do they tend to it. your sisters don't decorate the pot you reside it, they don't talk to you every time you sag down in loneliness and isolation as you are forced to stay in the same place and witness the same scenarios over and over again.

not much knows it, but flowers, much like any plant, can communicate, they can feel. and when they do, they do deeply.

and you are a flower. a flower worthy of being pressed into books, storing your beauty forever. a flower worthy of being situated into a stunning arrangements of bouquets, worshipped through birthdays, dates, weddings, and even funerals.

you're a flower, and you're beautiful and deserving of praise and honor from your stages in life as a seed, from a bud, to a blooming flower. yet you're neglected the same way ignorant trespassers would step on growing blooms, uncaring for sabotaging their life completely, and oh-so easily.

you're a flower, a symbol of nature's fertility, resilience, and tranquility.

you symbolize your mother's long standing determination to care for a child whose father looked other ways but her. who raised her seedling with care, watered them with stories of fairytales: fantasies about prince charmings who take their flowers away from barren lands to spoil them with rich soil and neverending sunlight, about princesses who stop by flower shops to awe at the arrangements of bouquets, eyes glazing with fervor as they recount each and every symbolism every unique flower shares.

your mother places you in your favorite, decorated pot: your shared bedroom with her, and she kisses your cheeks, your forehead, your chubby little fingers, the same way the illuminating sunlight kisses at your flushed body whenever you two would go out for your walks.

she was your mother nature, and you were her precious flower.

you were once a blooming bud then, and you wished you would still bloom now.

how could you grow into what you're worth, when even you couldn't grow without the love that was taken from you?

what about the care, the patience, the determination she once held in her warm gaze, now cold and fading with life the last time you saw her; would it all be a waste?

how could you grow now?

and yet you don't even need to ponder for solutions. the answers were clear, clear as the water your petals used to bathe in, clear as the rain that pitters against alfred's car windows the same day you were taken away from your mother's hold—

you simply wilt.

8:31PM.

your friend said she'd pick you up quarter to nine, so you'd at least have the time to prepare and make yourself look good. but right now...

god, right now, you don't feel anything good, not even a wee bit of it at all. ever since he texted you, you feel like shit, utterly repulsed. vile, like the image of you vomiting every contents of your stomach— and now you're going out drinking with an empty one. you can already feel the bitter taste of heavy alcohol mixing in with the acids of your stomach.

you can already feel the breakdown you're having right now as you remember how fucking broke and useless you are for having to ask your friends to treat you to drinking because you have nothing left to offer beyond the fucking taxes you have to pay and the nearly due rent and bills.

you have nothing to offer. you're so shitty. you deserve to die.

the more you stare at the mirror, the more your eyebags seem to deepen, your lips began to dry, and the pit in your chest sunken.

and that makes you exhale even deeper, ignoring the way your throat constricts on itself in instinct.

your eyes flitter to your fingers, nails bitten, skin ripped at the seems with dry blood staining chipped cuticles.

when you looked back at your reflection, you want to cry even more, seeing an image of a moving pile of flesh. all puffy skin and sagging eyes.

you don't remember the last time you felt pretty about yourself.

whether it was in the manor, or back when your mother was the only one raising you— it seems like your memories are in shambles right now.

you don't remember the last time you looked in a mirror, looking healthy, fresh, and proud of yourself for dressing up in your style. in the back of your mind, there will always be hatred, resentment for how you look. and right now, you hate how you every bit of your appearance because...

because you look exactly just like an image of your mother and bruce wayne. a reminder, your punishment for your parents' beautifully tragic affair with one another. a billionaire who courted the lowly dirt-class slut of gotham.

yet you're uglier because you're not them, you couldn't be them. you're not picture-perfect brucie with slick-black hair and a face like fine-aged wine, or the image of your sultry, "man-eater" mother in her lingerie. you're just, you— you've inherited all the stupid flaws you wished you could shave off your damn body.

you remember seeing your father's face in television with your mother beside you by the couch, combing your hair and giggling when your eyes had lit up at the sight of the rich man. you haven't once took your eyes off the news channel whenever he appeared, looking at bruce, always enamored with his aesthetics, only to never notice your mother's tired eyes, or how shaky her fingers would sometimes become.

"momma, that's daddy, right?!" you asked her whilst the side of your body was pressed against hers, with all the enthusiasm a child could muster. your grin was wide, eyes peeled to the screen, enough to ignore the flinch in your mother as you had once thought it was her igniting with the same excitement as yours.

she simply leans down and kisses your cheeks, her eyes, a beautiful shade of your eyes color, albeit lighter in hue, never once left the crown of your small head, ignoring the headline for the news about 'brucie's new fling caught on camera!'.

your mother was so glad you were still illiterate at your age. she wish she could never break off the illusion that it was her who simply birthed to you, with no face for a father. maybe you would've never ask her about why he had never once came to visit your small family, why you could never meet your other siblings, or why he's seen with multiple other women by his side every time you open the television.

you ask at frequent intervals; it makes her wish to strip away the past in which she chose to tell you who your father was. you would've experienced less heartbreak, she would've never seen the way your eyes would dim at her every excuse, or the way she felt your heart crack at the seams, only further breaking hers.

yet after a while, she replies and buries her thoughts, ignoring the tears that lid her eyes. with not so much enthusiasm in her light voice, with the undertones of guilt and sorrow digging deep throat her throat, but it was enough for young, little you to jump on your springy couch with her response.

"... oh, yes, that's your papa...! isn't he so nice looking—?"

"and handsome! i'm so lucky to have such beautiful parents! i wish i was as pretty as you, momma, and daddy too!"

when you had looked up with haste, glinting eyes staring up at her with a wide grin, some baby teeth still present, others absent from your gums, yet you displayed admiration no less; your mother just as quickly wipes her red eyes and sniffling nose with the worn sleeves of her sweater and reciprocates your beaming energy with a small smile.

she wishes you'd dismiss her previous melancholic expression, replacing it with the same fond, yet tired gaze she always offers you, wishing you'd be as oblivious to the pain it brings her to see your hopes and dreams of meeting a father you could only admire through a screen or article. yet you're always so perceptive, so interlinked with her reactions that she's sure that one of the few positive traits your father had given you. she should've expected your words, yet her broken heart finds a path to heal whenever you sense her pain and soft a bandage to the cracks of her bleeding scars with your kindness.

you would always be her little flower. the one she'd nurture in a garden filled with rosy bushes and scarring thorns.

"—you're so beautiful, momma, even if you cry because daddy isn't here with us, or you're too tired taking care of me. you're beautiful because you're my mother, and i'll take you over everything in the world..."

and you tell her, an inaudible whisper to your voice, with eyes that were once wide, beaming with joy, now gazing at her with softness like the wind kissing blades of grass in a gentle dance. you look at her, and she stares back, eyeing your chubby cheeks and lips the same shape of hers, the ends of your lashes curves the same way as hers, and your voice matches her like a lullaby when you speak every vowel in a soothing lilt.

you calm the hurt in her chest, replacing it with a mellow warmth. she even forgot the tears that slowly dripped her eyes, all replaced with the comfortable softness of her precious child's palms, smooth and cozy, resting on both of her cheeks as you pepper her crying face with kisses.

she holds both your palms caging her, and allows the your hold to linger for longer. the silence ensues, yet you both embrace the unsaid assurances.

it's times like these where she realizes you encapsulate the beauty of both worlds.

it's moments like this, she sees herself in you, and maybe she could lead herself to believe that she is beautiful, because she sees her beauty through her child, her grace.

the memory only further deepens the guilt in your heart.

if there's one word to describe you now. it would be disgrace. to your father's honor, and your mother's legacy. for easily letting yourself go, for being so weak, for being the line that jumps between two polar opposites of one another; trying to traverse their path of belonging.

you're a disgrace, a mistake, and you deserve to be treated as such.

it was why you never find yourself beautiful. a person such as yourself would always find allure, worth in all things chaotic - you live in gotham after all - but never find that same value in yourself as you look at your reflection that distorts your image even more, making you uglier and uglier the longer you look.

split ends everywhere, hand tangled, reddish eyes from nearly crying again.

even if you beat at yourself, erratic and impulsive, even if your skin is colored an ashen blue and purple, rotten shades of yellow and red, you think of yourself ugly and repulsive.

no matter how much color you try to bring into your bleak, repulsive life, at the cost of hurting yourself to become pretty— every part of you will always be that ugly, little duckling in comparison of your siblings who always outshone you.

dick with his playboy body, jason and his towering one, tim with soft boyish features, damian's silky tan and smooth skin, and duke's baby face.

you couldn't even have your hair frame you as perfectly as steph's light blonde hair does, or share barbara's proportionate face, or look as gracious yet deadly like cassandra.

you're nowhere near as special, you're not like them. you have features too unique, yet out of place, and you couldn't bring yourself to be conventionally good-looking.

you hate yourself so much. you hate every little mole, every little pimple, every damn imperfection that litter your body, making you even lesser than what you already are.

your family; mother, father, brothers and sisters, god, even your fucking friends! every time you sit by them side-by-side, you'd feel insecure, imperfect, an eyesore and you just want to strip away every part of your limbs one by one if that meant replacing it with even better ones; all for the sake of at least feeling pretty.

you remember the first time you tried to find a sense of style, and damian's comment and– god fucking damn it—!

your hands found its way to your brushed hair, tangling itself through already fragile strands to rip at the seams. you don't care, you don't fucking care, you pray to any god out there to get them out of your head, pleas unheard, you're always left to hurt.

"what are you trying to achieve with that, huh? what even are you trying to think with that horrendous color combination? what are you, a clown? even that damned joker has more coordination than you think you could achieve."

in front of his friend, jon kent, with a scowl on his ever-so angry face and his hand already making a way to grip his sword; an absolute threat to dice you up shall you ever bother being in the same room as him.

he said that to you... you're older, you could've been stronger, could've at least found a semblance of fight in your bones. but no! god, no. your life was ruled with fear with damian wayne being the demon haunting you in the manor, always making living harder, making breathing a heavy task.

how could you ever fight back? not when you've conditioned yourself to tear up at the slightest bit of noise, feel goosebumps prick your skin when you hear someone raise their voice at you, and your heart rate hasten at the slide of a knife against any surface?

you! you who's so fucking weak to even make a comeback. you, who ran away with wide, traumatized eyes. because you're scared, so fucking fearful of an even bigger cut to your skin marked by damian— even if you're accustomed to cutting yourself with even deeper gashes.

because it's him that you fear, not the pain, not anymore. just him and his contempt at you for ruining his pure bloodline just by you being his half-sibling.

you don't want a repeat of your first meeting, or any meeting with him at all. not when you'd drown even deeper in a pit of fear every time you stare at his glaring, emerald eyes. one that tells you he chose to merely not kill you out of the goodness of his heart. but he will, god he will if he feels you've been too comfortable in his presence.

every damn time, everytime you feel fear, you see green. you hate green, any literal meaning of it, every implication of itx even seeing it, and fuck! your outfit has green embellishments.

you feel even uglier, yet the twinge of fear immediately overpowers any concern your had with your appearance. it's as if eyes were suddenly on you, and it's not only yours staring at you in the mirror.

your lips wobble, snot began blocking through the passage of your nose.

fuck, fuck, fuck.

why?! why can't you just forget about them all. why, why, why?!

you bite your lips harshly to conceal the pained whimpers from the back of your throat, but it doesn't work. it only makes the fear worse.

tears rim at your eyes, you merely wipe them away. your heart attempts to beat out of its gilded cage, yet you swallow your quivering chokes and proceed to continue staring at yourself in the mirror, dressed in a rush, with nothing to conceal your ghastly eyebags and sunken skin.

and green. you'll see it everywhere now. fuck, would dick send out damian to kill you now? you don't know, you're scared but you can't chicken out, not when your friend is already near to your apartment. god you wish you had beer in your cabinets instead, but you're broke and unprepared for life and your hair's all in a tangle and you just fucking want to die.

your hands grip at the edge of your sink, you look at your mirror and see the blood on your already bitten lips.

not even concealer can cover the damn scars all over your face all through the neck.

calm down.

you stare even deeper at yourself and ignore the green, trying to think of something else—

something less emotionally scarring, like your appearance. even if it brings you great pain, too, you'd rather that than your family. no more of them, fuck, no more. even if you stare at your eyes and see that familiar mix of colors of your mother and bruce's eyes. the shape of your face, even the curve of your brows all resembled your late mother— and you miss her, her captivating beauty that you never saw aged like fine way before she was taken away from you. you see bruce in the strands of your hair and the way it sometimes fray when too stressed. you see them in every image you wish to erase of yourself.

yet your genetics are nothing to them, not when you can't even care for your tangled hair or ashen skin.

even the dead looked more lively than you ever could.

with a pale complexion, with scars that litter all over your shoulders, wrists, and hidden parts of your body, one you're too ashamed to show anybody— it was no doubt that you looked pathetic and erased the beauty that both your parent's cultivated. and it makes you wonder; would it really be worth it?

would it be worth it if the people around you see you?

you with your melancholic eyes, trying to find an escape in a maze you call your mind? you can picture yourself drinking alcohol until you reach the domain of death, sitting in a stool, alone, as you nearly empty the contents of your stomach remembering the sole reason why you're there in the first place.

would it be worth it if all eyes suddenly were on you? they turn to you to gaze at the ugly bruises on your body, they mock your appearance, call you names, look at your sniveling, red nose and warm cheeks intoxicated from all the heavy liquor you'd down, and whisper. they'll whisper insults, slurs, and every known jab until it's all their words that pierces through your eyes, until the loud bass becomes mere background chatter for all the gossips that ensue.

are you actually going to do this right now?

you don't know, you don't know and you wish never cared as much.

all you could really focus on was your eminent goal of getting out of your stuffy apartment, to rid of the paranoia that somehow, you're being watched over in the confines of your four walls and that the familiar image of green will come attack you. the more you think, the more the hairs on your skin start to raise with every known intention to signal you of your anxiety.

eyes, they may be everywhere.

eyes, eyes, eyes. as you stare at your eyes, you try to ignore emerald eyes, they dilute even further. you gulp, yet your focus remains distorted. images flash at the mirror, and suddenly they're here, with you, with their eyes. bright blue for some, dark green for another, and they all gaze at you with contempt. one's hand claws at your throat, the other pins your wrist down on the edge of the sink. the eyes glare, and they never soften. yours merely shook, unblinking as your breathing becomes heavier; trapped in the cages of their wanton staring.

you yelp, then blink. when you did, they're gone. and you're back to looking at the same image of yourself. you grimace slowly.

ugly, with dry skin and falling hairs. the worst version of you, the normal version of yourself— there was never a best version for you.

as long as it's you, you'll never be enough.

all you wanted was to drink with your friends at a club; some working nightshifts at the location you're going to— yet you want to back down. want to take your phone by the corner of your vision and cancel your sudden plans.

but you're scared, you're so fucking scared of any new messages.

hell, even finding the contacts for your friends was a task in itself you wish to never repeat. with jittery fingers trying to type of messages and blurry eyes navigating through the screen of your slippery, glass screen protector.

you're scared, rightfully so.

you're scared to find his message once more suddenly popping up, your fingers accidentally pressing on it like the clumsy swine you are, and rereading that damn heart over and over again.

you slam your dominant hand against the tiled sink, hard and uncaring for the pain it induced all throughout your body. the tremors of the impact shook you to your core, yet you seethe in your breath and don't allow yourself respite to let the tears flow freely from your already red eyes. you feel your heart beating erratically through your chest, the shivers controlling your body, the shrieks that you contained within you— and you enchain them all with no respect for yourself.

you deserve this. you deserve to be hurt, to be punished for your actions, for your mistakes, for your sins.

even if your hand became swollen, splotched with varying shades of disgusting purples and yellows, you won't treat it with medicine. even if the sharp edges of the sink broke the fragile layer of your already scarred palm, and bled profusely with that familiar shade of red; you won't rush to wrap it with gauze or even spare a droplet of betadine. even if by the next day you'd have to write out your overdue assignments with that specific hand, then you'll force yourself to learn through the other and punish yourself again if you fail once more.

you deserve this.

and as your phone pings, lighting up to show you a notification of one of your friend's messages about being ready to pick you up by the lobby of your apartment's ground floor, you ignore your injured hand and the bruises on your knees from falling so abruptly on tiled floors just moment's ago. you dismiss the ache of your head, the soreness of your eyes and the disgusting beat of your heart.

you ignore the pain that wrecks at your entire body, in favor of destroying it even more, just as you deserve.

you don't recall how many shots you had before you're nearly passed out by the bar, sitting on its stool with your head leaning on one both your arms crossed, drool close to slipping out of the corners of your mouth and heavy eyes lidded, about to fall into the depths of sleep.

you're sure you looked wasted, absolutely drop-dead drunk with no thoughts circulating in your head other than the pleasant buzz in your ears and the flash of colors in the disco balls blanketing the entire room with its neon lights. your face must've been an unearthly shade of red, and you can already feel just how blazen it is, and how your fingertips are ice-cold to the touch (probably colder than the marble you lay your arms upon). in other words, you're actually wasted.

and it's so worth it if it means it gets you to forget. and forget you did, because you can't even dig deep into your head to even remember a single memory of whatever grief you went through earlier in your apartment. not even the throb of your head from when you pulled your hair from its roots, all to the way you slammed your dominant hand on your bathroom sink, bruising it with unnatural shades of purples and yellow.

it makes you omit every type of pain, both physically, mentally, and emotionally. it doesn't cure you of your ails, but god forbid you if you just want to savor moments where nothing but a mind numbing headache is the only feeling present in your current state.

the remix of songs were long forgotten in your mind, they all become an amalgamation of miscellaneous sounds. your body is so inclined towards the flat, rectangular cool surface of the marble glass of the bar that you can guarantee you could sleep here, especially since black behan to cloud both your vision and your mind.

everything feels so hazy, and pleasant, and straight-out peaceful that the screaming tandems of equally drunk clubbers and the occasional sobers holding up their friends who sang along with whatever remix the dj comes up with, or the forming crowd as people began to rock and dance to the bass that shakes up the entire floor to the point you can feel vibrations run along your spine— didn't register within the crevices in your mind.

all you can focus on, is the gratifying pleasure ll alcohol induces in your body. gone is the feeling of fear that emanates off of every inch within your body. your bones don't feel as if it's locking up everytime you feel eyes on you, and your throat doesn't certainly feel constricted with the lack of flow of blood anymore.

god, this is why you've never once regret drinking right after the moment you turned eighteen— not when it's positive effects outweighs all the negative emotions that rule over your body.

you couldn't even notice a man with shades (seriously, who wears that to party? isn't the club dark enough?) sitting beside your drunken form in the corner of your eyes, raptured in the thin line between focusing on reality and drifting off to dream world. you don't even bat an eye to his muffled giggles and the way he twisted his stool just to admire the view: you.

you're oblivious to the entire commotion happening within the depths of his mind because you couldn't feel any aptitude to danger right now— thanks to the effects of the hard liquor overtaking whatever fear you've felt being watched long ago.

or maybe you just felt safe beside the stranger. or, you're merely drunk. you don't know.

fuck, you're so close to passing out.

you don't know where your friends are, where they came running off to but you know you won't be getting out her sooner or later and you definitely don't have a ride home. so your only way back without getting ambushed as a completely vulnerable citizen of gotham, is by a safer, more convenient means of a ride— but that certainly wouldn't be safe if your friends are as equally drunk, or even more so, as you. but does your hazy mind care? no. not when you flip your head to rest on the other side once the other side became hotter that you notice a conveniently attractive man staring right back at you with an entertained grin.

as if your existence alone makes him happy. as much as your mind keeps blanking out, that mere implication made your heart pang just a teensy bit. of pain, or pleasure, or mere joy, you don't know. but you do know that it triggered some unknown feelings and you don't want to feel.

you want to drink some more, feeling solemn all of a sudden just from staring at him. you're sure the obvious frown on your quivering lips and the heavy, hot sigh

and it doesn't help that his face seems similar. the longer you stare, the more his grin seems to sharpen. confidently? or shyly? you can't seem to gain a clear image of him; what when rainbow lights are blazing out through the holes of the disco ball and your eyes recently just opened to your near journey to traverse through sleep.

all you can make out to be is his jet-black hair, side bangs framing the left side of his face, a faint outline of an eyebrow piercing

you also took note of his spiky jacket— yet what draws you the most to him are his sunglasses that he chose to wear conspicuously in a damn club of all places.

he's attractive, to say the least, but he triggers a set of emotions deep into the cages of your imprisoned heart that sets itself free. he gives you a sense of nostalgia, of familiarity that you can't pinpoint but feel; like you've seen him before but don't know when. your eyebrows furrow in and your eyes squint at him, unknowing to the judgement you're subjecting him in. your lips wobble, though, because his presence just makes your heart feel something, akin to pain but not quite, and makes your head buzz that you just want to cry as a reaction.

he, the stranger, don't know it, but he makes you all sad, primal emotions overtaking any drunkenness you feel as deep tremors buzzed into the confines of your chest, until all you're doing is staring at him with pouting, downturned lips and sad, puppy eyes; rimming with salty tears.

you don't know why you feel sad all of the sudden, and you can faintly see through blurry, watery vision how his face shifted from entertained to worry, eyebrows raised and eyes wide open at your sudden mood shift.

maybe you or him could've spoken up, you more so, but you're just so emotionally drained and overwhelmed today that you began sobbing silently without breaking eye contact with the man.

despite you wanting to say anything: an introduction, a question opening up as to why he's staring at you, or even a mere phrase telling him to "back off"; the only words that came out from your parched throat, all from trying to reason in your head on what a proper sentence should be, were:

"you're hot," and if you were sober enough, you would've felt sheer embarrassment and shame from eyeing the boy, but you're not— and because you're not sober, or any bit sane, the next few sentences you spewed out were all coherent, yet wonkily pronounced utterances paired with teary eyes and sniffling nose, as you can't seem to control the feelings of melancholy in your heart and the sudden emotional burst from your ramblings.

"thank you, you too, actually— but are you alright-"

"you're so hot, god, please. i don't know..." you gave him no time to speak as you hiccupped, lips wobbling even more than you can imagine. and you're trying your damn best to rid of the urge to punch at your chest as a coping mechanism through the multitude of emotions eating you up and away. but you never realized you were trying for an absolute stranger, palms fisting into itself as he stares at you worriedly all of a sudden.

"like... you're familiarly attractive, i—" the next few sentences were incoherent as your words bubbled around you like detergent soap. your fingers found itself into your face as you try to wipe off both tears and nearly dripping snot as you continued rambling drunkly.

"you just! you're hot, for me, i don't know... i'm just, we all—eughh... i don't know, i'm so sad..." and you truly are, for no reason at all other than seeing the man. poor him, must've felt so ashamed that he's the reason you're crying but at the same time... nothing can really stop you from ceasing your tears.

at least, that's what you've convinced yourself to believe in. that you're truly incurable of the ailment of being constantly depressed with nobody to aid you with your troubles. not even your friends, nor past therapists that you've consulted.

you've nothing to comfort you, and that makes you even more solemn than ever.

the simplest of emotions felt, the deeper and complex you take it out to be. sadness, or moreover depression, the horseman of apocalypse that destroys any hope you've tried to kindle with your life.

it makes you all the more burst into a wave of even more tears.

"... okay, okay, wait here for me, alright?" he suddenly stood up, hurriedly, probably unsure, or disgusted by you. you're unsure about what he's saying, too caught up crying that you simply nod to whatever he said and continued on with your episode.

as you're left alone, you allow your tears to dry only cry once more. when he left you, you weren't aware but you just felt even more lonely. at pushing away the only company you had after your friends left you in the dust, you feel depressed and regretful and all emotions related to grief and you just want to drink some more but you don't know if you can take it anymore!

god, it all returns to pain. pain you thought you could bury deep once you took multiple swigs of alcohol.

pain that makes you want to bang your head against the marble of the bar—

and you're so close to doing so, but only stopped when your blurry vision sets itself on the man returning with a handkerchief and a cold glass of ice water. at his kind gesture, you simply teared up even more, pouting when he walked your way and looked at you with a sheeping grin.

when he sat right back up on the stool seated to your right, he hesitated with his hold on the handkerchief near your face. but the moment he gathered up his pride and pressed it against the unnatural blaze of your cheeks, you merely leaned closer to his palms, eyes closing as you can feel the tears cease itself finally at the blind comfort he's unknowingly providing you.

"there, there... be careful, 'kay stranger?"

he mutters, a light chuckle accompanying him. it's only now you can finally focus on the cool churn of his voice and the , with your eyes close and the haze of your thoughts washing away, leaving you breathless in your respite— not restrictive, nor lonely, but still short of breath.

this reminds you of the times alfred had to hold you in his arms everytime you threw a tantrum at the manor.

it made you realize that the months, a near year even, after leaving the manor, made you crave physical affection. making you feel like a husk of yourself when not given. you feed off of the scraps of physical lovez to the point that even this man who's wiping away the tears from your cheeks makes your heart beat faster, in a comfortable manner.

sensations. he once told you that if you feel too deeply within, then to ground yourself you must feel beyond interior ranges of emotions.

and that's the technique you've been willing away from your head for so long. because it always requires another person in the room to comfort you, to simply touch you softly, gently like you're porcelain the same way the stranger is pressing damp fabric against your tearstained cheeks and hollowed out eyes.

the pain you've felt was because you're merely touch starved. alone, in a space where everyone has someone, and a no one can't have anyone.

but now that you do have a someone, no matter how dangerous he could've been outside of your impression of him, you feel the pain lessen, the heavy burdens become featherlight at his kind gestures of wiping all the salty tears from your face, the runny snot from your nose with no rush whatsoever.

"feel better now, hon?"

"mhm..." a long, drawled out yawn emits from your mouth, yet you're too comfortable with him to even care, suddenly feeling a wave of drowsiness after your emotional episode.

after he finished wiping your face, and felt it considerably cool down from the damp fabric, he placed it on the bar, one hand on your face keeping you stable. yet his other hand promptly went back to your cheeks.

he chose to do this of his own volitions, even leaning closer as your head finds itself slowly dropping to his clavicle (careful to avoid the spikes from his peculiar designed jacket), looking up at him and staring at his gray eyes.

the man looks down at you as you now realize he's cupping your face. at the implication of your entire ordeal with him, you might've felt flustered sober, but you're just so drunk that any spacial awareness for the proximity between your bodies just disappeared and left you with the need to sleep within the confines of the safety this man left you with.

you don't know it, but yet again the man smiles down at your adorable antics, finding the way you're absolutely trusting of a stranger both stupid, yet endearing. because he's no more stranger, and heaven bless him because he's so glad he's the person who approached you rather than anyone else because you looked so cute, and his crush on you may have lead him to stalk you occasionally just to ensure you're safe— that doesn't erase the gesture that he did it purely because gotham is too dangerous for your own good. and he's glad he trusted his human side of intuition, rationalizing with himself that today just seems to be the day you'd bump into danger if he's not there.

you're so stunning up close... how come tim never once found interest in someone as admirable as you is a mystery. but you trusting a stranger in your vulnerable state is much more.

and he's grateful he's that stranger.

because he may be a stranger to you, but a familiar one. and you feel safe, a feeling you haven't felt in so long that you simply just melt against him like clear putty; because you're transparent with what you feel right now.

and right now you feel warmth. not the uncomfortable one that blazes through your (now) cool face when you were drunk, nor the burning one whenever you thought of your family— but a pleasant one. like sitting near a fireplace as you watch the embers crackle, drinking hot cocoa whilst a quilt covers your body from the cold of the winter. you feel this way at his kindness, at his efforts to help you contain your emotions to a reasonable degree.

"what's your name, kind stranger?" you mutter on his chest (how come your head is laying on it, actually?) hearing the soft thumps of his heart. it's warm, he's warm and every bit of comfortable, as he does his best to move slightly back to remove his jacket and drape it over your body before he could reply to you, chuckling whilst doing so because you looked up at him with your eyes conveying every damn emotion that made you feel soft.

"it's conner, conner kent. call me kon, though. or yours if it's you." he purrs. it took you a minute to register his obvious flirting but what comes after is an absolute flush on your body and you recoiling from his hold as you look back at him, mouth agape. the tips of your ears were warm, and every bit of

an overexaggeration to his flirting, sure. it makes you look less appealing in your eyes, extra sure! but it's been so long since someone last attempted to flirt with you; but most were under the guise of when you were still a wayne and... and not as yourself. you! you who sports so many imperfections that—

"haha! is it strange to say that you look so cute whenever you look at me with wide eyes in the short span of time we just met?"

he slides in through your train of thoughts before you could delve even deeper through self-deprecation. and you're glad that he did because... god, he makes you want to shamelessly gloat as a reply. you've never had someone complement your eyes before, actually...

"i'm..." you look back at him after you stared down at your palms, heat overtaking your entire body. yet again it wasn't uncomfortable, and just the right temperature. you stutter your name afterwards, making sure it's your mother's last name that you highlighted implicitly and not bruce's.

he seems to grin even wider when you introduce yourself. that's when his next reply generally warranted you to nearly burst off your seat out of sheer diffidence.

"well," he says your name, tasting every syllable in his pierced tongue. "your name tastes sweet, dove. but i think your face is even sweeter now that you're not crying — not saying that isn't cute too but you're so stunning now that i look closer at you without any barriers. your eyes, especially, they're like some mix doe and siren eyes, or whatever my other friends talk about in social media. point given, you're drop-dead gorgeous in my eyes."

it all comes naturally from him that your brain merely shortcircuited and fried itself comprehending his message, forgetting you were drunk in the first place replacing it with a flush in your heart, the pit of grief and despair replaced with the lighthearted need to banter or reply meekly at his shameless flirting right after he comforted you.

this is the first time you felt something for someone's romantic gestures, instead of that wave of nausea that accompanies you.

he makes you feel... pretty about yourself. in a good way, in a way you don't feel the need to hide your insecurities for once and instead allow his eyes to flitter around your entire face, analyzing your features because... because he simply makes you feel pretty the more he stares at you.

yet all you did was take his hand on your own, a sudden burst of confidence even you couldn't explain, and played with it, as you pouted in reply before thinking— using his hand-now-turned-fidget-toy — of a good enough response.

you simply said, coughing before continuing, "i don't take back what i said moment's ago. you're hot too, even if my vision was obstructed by my tears."

"oh, really?" he smiled gently and allowed your hands autonomy to play with his. it's like telepathy, he knows it's automatic that you crave physical affection and attention and he's willing to provide you that solace.

"now that you're not crying— you think i'm even more handsome?"

you snort at his question, then took a step back with your thoughts to properly study him. neat, yet messy hair, piercing on the eyebrows and on his tongue (hot), sunglasses and spiky jacket draped upon your shoulders— goddamnit, of course he's hot! and you made it efficiently clear that he is, with your hands fiddling pattern against his soft, yet calloused hands, by squeezing it.

"yes, you are even more handsome, kon..." brief and concise, just how you like it. even if he gave you an entire essay describing you in his eyes, for you, you prefer actions; and you did so by simply being affectionate with the stranger, now acquaintance you have a slight crush on.

you'd never expected this turn of events, but it was a pleasant one and one you'd never really want to trade with anything else now that you've met kon.

so when he opened his mouth to spew something else, your ears perked up to listen and your mind, albeit slowly sobering up, prepared itself to reply to whatever flirting, conversation topics, and anything random it is that he wishes to talk about to you.

you smiled at him whilst he talked, he reciprocates as always.

yet this time, you weren't afraid to hide just how joyous you feel, for once, having a person interested in you not only physically but with your interests, too, as your conversations kept shifting to things about you.

it made inclined to learn about yourself, too. and that makes you happy, and fuzzy in the insides the more he asks you questions beyond your favorites. like in movies, he didn't simply just ask your favorites and you replied with an answer and moved on, no! you both discussed the emotional depth it impacted you with, why symbolism matters so much, and why in the near future you'd both inevitably meet up, you'll both watch it together.

that makes you feel excited.

you even forgot the main reason why you're here in the first place; to drink. now, though, it seems like you just wanted to talk to kon all night long.

fortunately for you, that's how the rest of your night went. with a pleasant buzz in the background, the sounds of remixes all drowned out in your ears as you favor the chatters of the man beside you, with the tremor of his voice a comfortable volume and his tone laced with freshly made honey.

when your friends finally ran back to the bar where you all collectively agreed to meet up at once everyone's shenanigans were finished, they giggled drunkenly whilst some sober ones whistled at seeing your hand unknowingly massaging his palms like a stresstoy and the jacket draped upon your shoulders.

the moment you returned it to him, he joked about wearing it every second now since it reminds him of you, and how it's his favorite piece of attire now beyond all his other clothing. you merely blushed and ignored the cooing of your friends behind you.

you didn't feel concerned over not seeing him anymore, as he had given you a slip of paper with his number on it in through a tissue with paracetamol pills wrapped around it (like the thoughtful gentleman he made himself out to be when he excused himself a second time to get those items, since you'd left your phone with one of your friends; you swore you felt a blush creep into your cheeks and heating the tip of your ears), you instead felt a pang of longing and furrowed your brows, looking at him as if asking if you'll see him around anytime soon as he reciprocates with a sure grin that makes you feel a wave of feather like affection.

he left shortly after, striding to you as your group recollects all your stuff and whispering a, "text you later, dove. stay safe for me, alright? don't let any other strangers get to you."

you're glad this night would end on a good note, willing away any prior doubts towards spending the night in a completely foreign street and expecting fir criminals and thugs to break in but no! you can't help but admit that your new... interest, conner, made your night a thousand times better.

and his little nickname for you... haha, you're so flustered thinking about texting him tonight. you'd neglect your assignments for now if it meant messenging him right after you get home, safely, for his sake.

when your group all came outside though, that's when things shifted.

time is a construct. it's complicated and structured like that as well. it can either be too fast, or too slow. when your friends had taken their sweet time to spend the night dancing about the dancefloor, when you'd taken the precious time to flirt and talk to kon; that's when you all collectively realized that their damn cars were stolen.

the air suddenly shifted to this thick atmosphere when you all stepped out, one that can be sliced through with a sword, and you swore—

god, you swore this night couldn't have been any better with the turn of things, but now. right after you got out the club, it all took a turn for the worse.

this is it.

you're going to die today.

you're going to die, in some dirty ditch, your friends nowhere to be found, with nobody to save you.

nasty bruises already began to form on your skin, one with harsher colors of purple, blue, and yellow on your wrists and other patches of skin; way harsher

the man in front of you was gnarly, but you've no time to judge as he kicks you in the guts.

matted brown hair lay atop his head like a bird's attempt at a near, he has an odor that reeks of sewer rats, piss, and feces, and an unruly beard that houses bits of his leftover.

he holds a weapon whose shape you couldn't make out with your hazy vision, body nearly cramping in on itself once he kicked you again.

straight in the abdomen, with brute strenght accompanied by his worn leather boots decorated with glinting spikes that sparkle under the moonlight's glow.

in the abdomen, spikes.

blood first, then curdling pain next.

no noise rips through your ears, only wringing ever present, but your mouth opens, and you can feel its tender chords crack as a scream erupts from your throat, shrill and resounding from the deepest depths of the cockpit your mouth has to offer you; uncaring for the man in front of who who suddenly covers his ears and grits his teeth, who looks at you like you're mad, yet unlike same way his two other lackeys from behind look at your like you're the creation of carnage itself.

pain shot throughout your body, most especially at the core of the holes that pierced through your clothes and right inside your skin. and as your bulging, teary eyes try to look down with an agape, whimpering mouth, his shoes still connected to your body; you could only hold off so much of that familiar taste of acidic bile paired with that lingering scent of cheap booze.

tears were a byproduct of the misery, as it began to escape from your already puffy eyes. when the man released his legs fron pinning you down, your sobs only worsened as your unpinned, shivering arm try its damned best to cover the already leaking blood.

six holes, the diameter of the more than half of your finger, was what you could make out in your line of sight. the blood that leaked from them looked black, you couldn't find where the gradient of black and red connects, your only certainty in this situation was that you'd bleed to death before help could come to you.

the spikes were as long as a toothpick, a crimson puddle lay dripping on the floor.

your legs were shaking against your will, your eyes frantically search around you yet your pinned once more, his larger body framing against your own, providing no room nor qualms for an escape.

but the only escape you wanted was one from the pain of his pressing against your injury, even more blood spilling out of its confines. your tears only hastened its descent from your shaky eyes.

when your mouth opened for the nth time to wail out, he seethed in a breathe and threatened you, with his breath as vile as his entire being, that smells like every mix of synthetic chemicals from cigarette flavors, all expired, with teeth rotting and sporting yellow and black wallpaper.

gross, so gross. you want to die when the stench hits your nose. you shrivel in yourself, you couldn't breath.

"listen here, little bitch, you quiet down or i kill you. and 'ya either give me everythin' you own in your damn possession, or i'll kick you even more until a thousand little holes will fuckin' make you bleed to death, hear me?"

hearing his statement only made the adrenaline pump even more fight of flight into your heart. but you can't do either, you can't, not when you're still hazy from the fucking alcohol and the self defense tools in your tiny pouch were thrown a few feet away from you.

you've nothing to defend yourself.

oh god, oh shit, fuck.

you want to die, you want to so fucking die than go through the same pain of nearly being abducted or held hostage again.

yet your eyes could only close, your teeth kissing your bottom lips, biting hard to drown out another pained scream. whimpers, god, they're so loud yet you can't help the whimpers and the broken faucet from your eyes. even if you beg your own body to stop, it doesn't listen to the pleas of your mind.

the only thing it can focus on is the pain. recreant, volatile pain.

a moan escapes you, shaky and prolonged. the only other emotion that you could experience after is sorrow.

you didn't expect your pleasant night to end off in such a tragic note, but as your attacker held you by your throat with one hand, a knife pointed against your face, the next that happened was your head slammed roughly against the wall; a dull, beating ache lulling the back of your head after the momentary spark of pain— you're reminded that this is reality, and you're close to losing consciousness quick.

you're going to die.

bloody, a sobbing, dissociating mess, with your thoughts spinning around the same way the stranger and his lackeys laugh — bared yellow teeth, with the smell of ichor prevalent in their clothes, predatory eyes leering at you like you're prey — at your drunken moans of pain.

you're going to die.

"well, you gonna answer me or what, bitch? you wanna die!?"

he shouts you with spit that sprays all over your face, flashing you a grin and by extension flashing you his ugly, bared teeth. some missing were in his gums, others were artificial, most rotten like him.

you're going to die.

alone, in a ditch. bloody, laying in a pool of your own crimson the same way you saw your mother drowns in a puddle of hers.

you'll die like her—

what an honor.

the more you think about the situation, the more you're led to believe that the only way to solve this was through death alone, with no restrictions, no buts or ifs. you've no fight left in your body, or any weapon to fight. you're drunk, defenseless and if you actually managed to escape, you'd still bleed to death in some unknown alleyway. if you're lucky, a stray police may find you and give you a proper burial. but you remember you're in the living incarnate of hell in america, you'll never have a proper death.

this was night in gotham. your death alone only adds to the already astounding high percentages of all the other lives lost to the same twisted fate. you were no different. and to die early than to suffer from torture is better.

i mean, who would give a shit if you die tonight, right? your family— wrong! alfred would panic at your disappearance, but he'll forget about you like he did others, you're sure of it. that's why he still chose to fucking serve the wayne's instead of fully taking your side. if he had to choose between saving you or the people he swore his loyalty onto, he wouldn't hesitate. you're sure. even if the thoughts made the doom in your heart heavier. even if you know your story would never be covered nor acknowledged, you still year

but life is unfair, everything is. that's why you're here now, in a dark fucking alleyway with men who'll more than take advantage of your dying body and leave your corpse in the dump after. life is unfair, yet it's even more cruel in gotham. you should've expected this, should've known that a turn of events could be possible. you'll feel regret in the afterlife, only for a life that could've been well-lived, but never for the choice of living through the torture you call being a wayne.

so you came to the conclusion; confident for once after living for thirteen and a half years walking on eggshells around a manor.

this is not as bad as their neglect.

you smile in response to the guy, genuine and filled with grace as your heart that once pounds against your chest now slows down to a calm pace, finally at peace. with no other intention than to rattle him even more, to the point of choosing you to kill with his own hands as brutally as he likes— so you finally take a well deserved rest from life.

you gather saliva at the center of your tongue, ignore the taste of blood that swirls, nor the soreness of your throat and the crimson dripping down your nose.

when he looks down at you, disoriented at what you're doing, you spit at him, all the beating in your heart hastened, yet slowed down as quickly as you heave in a final breath.

... you're finally going to die.

"FUCKING HELL, YOU DAMN CUNT—!"

you close your eyes, bracing yourself for the knife that would hopefully stab you in the face, or the chest, and think of your last thoughts. you thank alfred for caring for you for those thirteen years, you hope you win your mother's graces in the afterlife even if she discovered your deliberate choices for killing yourself in the spur of a moment, and you wish your old family a happy life living without you, even if they already did so for so long.

all you needed was seconds to conclude your prayers.

but they weren't answered as you wanted them to be, not when you open your wide eyes to what was supposed to be a glint of silver piercing through the middle of your face was replaced by a bullet, quick and precise, shooting through his cranium without mercy, body immediately laying limp within those seconds.

the other two behind him were good as dead, too, your savior not wasting any moment to end their lives then and there.

and as you stumbled from the grip released from your body, your torso nearly crumpling in on itself, a flash of familiar, metallic red enters your vision when you'd look up from your savior who's huge form now meticulously acts as your shield from the brutal carnage that lays upon your line of sight and a pillar of protection trying to help you stand from the pain that shot through your lower abdomen.

but you don't want to stand, you want to drop dead right now. you don't want this, you didn't want this to happen.

instead of gratitude, dread fills your lungs with water and your fingers were left to tremor.

he looks down at you, you couldn't make out his expression, but you could feel the anger coursing through his body, the same as the day you first met him when he was still newly rebirthed, like it's telling you of his unadulterated rage at witnessing the scene before him. his body shakes, heavily, and his grip on your hands tighten, a mechanical groan drawling deep from his automated voice banks that changes his voice.

yet all you feel was fear overtaking your entire body prior to the comfort at the prospect of death.

you'd rather die than this.

even you couldn't believe the whimper of his name from your wobbling lips, as your body, out of instinct despite the pain, tried to push itself against the wall, away from him.

he only moves to hold your waste protectively, like a... brother suffocating his younger sibling with blankets when they complain it's cold. overbearing, disgustingly affectionate; you don't want it.

you feel cold.

this day could've been any worse— and it took a turn to the all worse scenarios you could imagine.

"jason...?"

"angel..."

a single familiar name was spoken, yet a new nickname was introduced. angel: the same way jason swore what you looked like when he sped through his motorcycle after hearing a shriek from all across the streets, finding you, bleeding and beaten to a pulp, with your attacker almost stabbing you.

of course, who wouldn't hesitate pulling a gun against someone trying to kill your precious? jason doesn't even need to choose.

and whether he did it in the name of justice and respect to his moral code, or because finding someone with a familiar face, sharing the same hopeless, yet death-accepting expression as he did back when he died— it all doesn't matter in the heat of the moment now.

what matters is that his angel is hurt and the madness in him festers the longer you bleed out in his arms, defiant and fearful all the same.

reblogs and interactions are encouraged and appreciated.

PLEASE READ: 11,000+ words. AND I LITERALLY HATE THIS CHAPTER (new least favorite fr) 😭 this decision is so impulsive i gonna regret it soon. chapter 5 will be released after a few days and i promise it has more action than this I SWEAR. first parts are always boring. anyways, there're so many song references in this chapter and for the next chapter. if any of you could guess what they are, i'll be rewarding all of you with something special. otherwise, please leave comments for this chapter! what motivated me to write was reading everybody's comments and inputs, about the love they have for this series as much as i do. interactions, asks, comments, they're all important and dear to me and i heavily appreciate it. so more interaction = more content. after all, i'd rather a post with little likes but with no interaction than a post with no interaction but all likes.

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plutoasteroids · 8 months ago

Text

PAC How Will Your Future Spouse View You

Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

DISCLAIMER THIS IS A GENERAL READING TAKE WHAT RESONATES AND LEAVE WHAT DOESN'T.

Strictly for entertainment purposes.

PILE 1

So, before I get into the tarot bit of the reading the overall vibe I am getting is that you and your future spouse will be that couple that are still doing cute stuff together even in old age. You know those older couples you see on TikTok on dates still happy and very much in love, yeah like that. One word I can use to describe it is cozy, just very warm and affectionate basically feeling like this person is your home. It's going to be like 'I'd rather come home to you then be anywhere else'.

On to the tarot bit, Your FS sees you as someone very confident and optimistic (even if you don't see yourself that way). They see you as being positive and very wholesome. Again, before I pulled cards I channelled and I still got the warmth.

Oh my gosh, if any of you have read The Song of Achilles that's basically it. Before anyone points out to me they were a same sex couple .Yes, I know but I am talking about the relationship dynamic between Patroclus and Achilles.

You may have gone through a difficult time in your life and your future spouse will admire how strong and resilient you are, how you're able to adapt to challenges and changes in environment. You may be the type of person who is connected to both their divine feminine and masculine and they truly find that attractive.

They certainly view you as their other half and I know its cliche to say soulmate but that's all your future spouse is saying. You just give them so much happiness and emotional fulfilment.

'They are my home, my soulmate, my forever'

PILE 2

Ugh Pile 2 your spouse will literally worship you😩. Like you'll tell them your insecurities and they'll just sit there kissing every scar, mark, dimple anything you're insecure about they'll adore. If you're a female or a feminine reading this and you have thick thighs I heard them say 'Come here and crush my skull with those sexy thighs'. Whoever you are you have someone's poor child down horrendous for you.

I think they may be the type to just watch your social media whether you are getting to know each other, dating, engaged or married your social media pages, pictures and videos will always be on their phone screen and they won't go to sleep without listening to a little voice message you sent. Once they get attached baby there's absolutely no getting rid of them, I heard 'You'll have an easier time getting rid of bed bugs'.

When you meet them, they may be a party animal or a player.

Disclaimer it's not toxic obsession more like they will let you be your own person but at the end of the day they are yours and you are theirs, you are their spouse, and they are your spouse and they will forever put you on a pedestal not to the open where they will neglect themselves.

They see you as a prize (again not in a creepy way) You may have options when you meet this person but best believe they'll make sure to stand out and win you over. They see you as the best the world has to offer in terms of what a wife/husband/spouse should be. Your person may have had a few letdowns when it came to love and just know that they see you as a dream come true and again, I know that's very cliche but trust me when Isay they view having you as a spouse as their biggest accomplishment and they want you to know that they'll prove to you every day they are worthy to call themselves your spouse. They feel like you have gone through a period of depression and sadness, and they want you to know that they acknowledge it and they see you as strong every day.

The couple I channelled for you guys is Queen Charlotte and King George from Bridgerton.

PILE 3

First thing I heard 'Sugar Daddy'. This person will spoil you but love you even more. Yes, they may have money and give you gifts but this person truly does love you, care about you and respect you.

They may be older than you that's why people may think that they are your glucose guardian which is not technically wrong and not technically correct either. I feel like that will be a long term joke you two have about them being your sucrose supplier..

They will definitely view you as delicate, I want to say that they are the protective type but not protective to the point of you feeling suffocated by them. They want you to be comfortable and have what you like 'If my spouse wants that watch I'll get it for them'.

They will view you as fun loving, yet you have this air of power to you that they love. Sure, they view you as delicate and they want to protect you, but they also view you as strong and beyond capable of taking care of yourself and those around you basically your spouse is saying 'they want me, but they don't need me'. They know that you can walk away from them anytime and they like that you're always in your power no matter what.

Your spouse admires how you don't need them to feel whole or for financial gain they see you as a breath of fresh air, a change of pace, an adventure.

He may touch you a lot with your consent obviously, like a hand on your waist, shoulder or they may steal little quick kisses. Also, there may be a lot of friendly banter in the relationship.

The couple I channel for you guys is Fallon and Liam from Dynasty.

#free tarot reading #pick a pile #pick a card #future spouse #tarot reading #tarotcommunity #tarotblr #tarot cards #daily tarot #love tarot reading #love tarot free #pagan #paganblr #hellenic pagan #Spotify

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harrowscore · 1 month ago

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and yet we're supposed to believe that losing her powers and living as mal's housewife in la casetta in canadà is a happy ending for her?

it's... fascinating how the grisha are both reviled and venerated as saints in the same country. they're extremely powerful in many ways, and yet objects of superstition and even outright discrimination and fear by ravkans, their own countrymen. it's contradictory tbh. i would like to call it "complex portrayal" but... heh.

#again. idt d.arklina is a HEALTHIER pairing (obviously!) but 1. it is *objectively* more interesting than whatever m.alina got #and 2. the latter is very regressive in a way that feels familiar to irl het relationships too and it kinda makes me uneasy #the darkling is so exaggerated in his villainy (immortal; super powerful; ruthless bastard with little to none morals at all etc.)#that he doesn't feel quite real. he plays the fantasy villain and he plays it well #it's all very threatening but also dangerously alluring in the way all fantasy dark romances are supposed to be #mal on the other hand is the average asshole who neglects the girl who loves him and lives for him #that he's jealous and suspicious of her achievements. that wants to curb her power down for... Reasons i guess #he's the Nice Guy who's actually a toxic asshole in the way your sister/bff/etc.'s toxic asshole bf may be #it's not more ~problematic or anything of course. it's just more annoying #because bardugo tries VERY painfully to make us see the m.alina romance as the Healthy Alternative to the darkling's dangerous charm #but it just isn't lmao. like... aleksander needed to die? because he's Bad? i understand it. i love tragic stuff #but alina losing her powers and living a Simple Country Life with mal of all people... this is not even remotely close #to the katniss/peeta ending. nope. i'm not everdeen biggest fan (i found it a bit boring lmao ik. it's a Me problem)#but in thg that finale makes sense. it is coherent with the series' overall themes and their execution in the narrative #i'm not overjoyed at the idea of peeta insisting that katniss should have his babies (it makes me very uncomfortable ngl)#but i Understand okay?#this tho. this feels such a setback for alina. because alina loves power!! she's ambitious!! she's not that peasant orphan girl anymore #and can't get back to when she was! after all she's been through you can't expect to want the same things she wanted #before the plot even started. actually that's how you make a young adult character (or character in general) grow:#it's change baby. Development™. writing 101 lmao #end of the rant shdhdh #val reads the greg trilogy #val speaks #txt

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seongsgirl · 28 days ago

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your sunghoon anal scenario 🧍🏻‍♀️ I’m thinking

okay I got a lil carried away but I hope you enjoy <3

— cw ; anal, oral (f rec), sunghoon is kinda mean but not really, slight ass eating, spit, degradation, praise, pet names, I think that's it

walk with me here for a bit...sunghoon looooves fucking you, like he's convinced there is no better feeling in the world than your cunt wrapped around his cock. and it pacifies him and his high sex drive, but you need more. and so you suggest anal to him.

and at first, he shuts down the idea. he doesn't think it'll feel good for either of you, plus he's super scared of accidentally hurting you and he would never be able to come back from that, knowing he hurt the only thing he's ever really loved.

but after enough coaxing, he is willing to try it, if it means it'll make his baby happy.

and that's how his new obsession starts. the first time he fucks your ass, it's awkward and uncomfortable, but once you both get used to the feeling...he hates that he denied him and you of this for so long.

he almost always wants to fuck your ass, he would never tell you, but he thinks he almost prefers it over fucking your pussy.

he loses his fucking mind when your face is squished into the pillows and your ass is the air, cunt dripping from your first orgasm and his spit from him eating you out just moments before.

"you look so fucking pathetic like this," he growls. he grabs one of your asscheeks and gawks at your tight hole. "literally begging for me to fuck your ass like a fucking whore." he collects a wad of spit before letting it slip for his mouth and onto your hole before rubbing the head of his cock between your folds, collecting your arousal.

he presses his tip to the tight ring and you whine, moving your hips back to gain any kind of friction to your neglected hole. "ah, ah, not so fast, doll." he coos. "are you really this needy? I haven't even properly fucked you yet, yeah?"

you look up at your boyfriend through teary lashes, unable to form any coherent sentence or words. all you knew was sunghoon, and you were going insane that you were being deprived of the one thing you needed most.

"p-please, hoon..." you cry, drool dribbling down your chin and onto the pillows.

"please what, angel? you gotta use your big girl words to get what you want, you know this." he replies, sliding his cock between your cheeks, making a mess of spit and cum.

"fuck me...please. please, fuck my ass...I promise to be good." you whine, tears forming on your waterline.

sunghoon smirks devilishly, a tiny fang poking between his lips. "aren't you just so precious..." he takes his free hand and smoothes your hair from your face. "and who am I to deny such an obedient little anal whore?"

he presses his tip into your hole and hisses, his bottom lip going between his teeth. "fuck, doll...how are you still so fucking tight?"

you moan into the pillows as he stuffs your ass full of his thick cock, feeling every single inch going deeper and deeper until he is fully sheathed inside you.

sunghoon groans when he bottoms out in you and doesn't give you much time to adjust to him before he's pulling out to the tip just to slam back into you.

"such a sweet little angel, aren't ya? lettin' me use your ass like this...letting me mold you to the shape of my cock, knowing no one will ever fuck you the way I do." he spits as he thrusts in and out of you, his heavy balls slapping against your cunt.

your mind is blank and your pussy clenches on nothing. all you want is to cum and for sunghoon to cum in you. "h-hoonie..." you murmur. "p-please fill my ass..."

sunghoon laughs lowly at your plea. "already planned on it, doll."

it didn't take many more thrusts from sunghoon for you to feel the coil in your stomach on the verge of breaking. "'m close, hoon."

"fuck, me too, baby." he grunts as he slips back into your hole. "god, you take me so well...such a good little doll for me..."

the coil breaks and your coming around nothing, feeling it drip out of your cunt and onto your thighs, whining sunghoon's name over and over like a mantra, like it's the only word you know. and right now, it is.

"gonna cum in this tight little ass, fill you up and watch it spill out..." sunghoon pants, and with another thrust, you feel thick ropes paint your walls. he stills inside you, making sure not a single drop spills out before he wants.

he pulls his softening cock out and watches as his cum dribbles out and onto your cunt. he smiles proudly to himself before leaning down and licking a fat stripe up your cunt and to your spent hole, humming at the tastes of you and himself.

you sigh blissfully as sunghoon laps at your cunt and ass, letting him do as he pleases.

"you're so perfect, you know that? my pretty little whore."

#— ask.#— moots!#enhypen x reader #enhypen smut #enha x reader #enha smut #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon smut #sunghoon imagines #sunghoon hard thoughts #sunghoon hard hours #enha imagines #enha hard thoughts

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wandaslittlebird · 4 months ago

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Still Her Favorite

Mean!Mommy!Wanda x Puppy!G!P!Reader

After a day of misbehaving, Wanda stays home from work to punish her puppy, and her best friend Natasha decides to join.

CW: Puppy stuff (collars, ears, tails, etc.), plugs, mentions of spanking as punishment, cock shame, humiliation, teasing, safe word discussion, ignoring as punishment, illusions of cheating, jealousy, haha Natasha’s dick is bigger than yours

Word Count: 3k

A/N: Once again not the fic I promised but I’m working on it. Listening something washed over me this afternoon.

A/N: I’m going to be honest, I super don’t love this. But perfectionism is a demon that kills my ability to create, and I’d rather publish a bad fic than lose a good one to the demons.

“Now what brings a precious little puppy like this into the office today?” Natasha asked, circling Wanda’s desk to find you at her feet.

“She was being terribly naughty at home alone, yesterday. Sometimes mommy’s long hours in the office have her thinking she can get away with certain things,” Wanda explained, making no move to look at you while she was talking about you. Her ignoring you was your least favorite punishment by far. You could handle the spankings, the teasing, the humiliation, even the denial. But when mommy stopped talking to you or even looking at you, it was sheer agony.

Natasha smirked. She knew when Tony had said her best friend had requested to work from home today because she “had a new puppy that she had to take care of,” she had to come visit Wanda’s home office. And you did not disappoint.

You could’ve almost cried from embarrassment, kneeling in a dog bed at Wanda’s feet in nothing more than a pink collar and your puppy ears. There was a chain leash attached to your collar that Wanda had tucked mindlessly around her wrist. Your neglected cock was desperately hard between your legs, dribbling little bits of precum onto the fluffy fabric underneath you.

Natasha was surprised to find you weren’t wearing a tail, as that was typically one of Wanda’s staples. “No tail today, puppy?” She questioned. Unlike Wanda, she did look at you when she spoke. You wished she wouldn’t. Her green eyes sent shivers down your spine. You wanted Wanda’s attention, not hers. You didn’t answer.

“No tail today,” Wanda sighed, answering for you. She finally looked down at you with a harsh glare. “Do you wanna tell Tasha why you don’t have your tail in today, puppy?” The look she sent you cast your eyes onto the floor. It was bone chilling. When you didn’t answer, she prompted you further. “Where was your tail when I got home yesterday? Was it in your ass, where good girls keep their tails?”

“No,” you admitted shamefully, barely above a whisper.

“No it wasn’t, was it?” She scolded, returning her attention back to her work. You cursed yourself for not being able to keep eye contact. Maybe if she could see the pained look in your eye, she’d cut the punishment short and skip to the cuddles you so desperately needed.

Natasha's eyes lit up in surprise. You were typically so well behaved for Wanda. She couldn’t help but feel a spike of arousal at the thought of Wanda coming home to find you without your tail. Oh how she would’ve loved to watch that punishment. She couldn’t exactly see your ass from how you were sitting, but she was willing to bet it was covered in delicious little welts and bruises.

“You wanna show Tasha the pretty plug you’ve got in today, instead?” Wanda asked, wiggling her heel under your ass and forcing you up. Natasha stood expectantly next to Wanda as she forced you forward onto all four. You whimpered as you caught yourself on your elbows.

Natasha's suspicions were immediately confirmed when she saw your welted ass, clearly spanked raw. She wondered if Wanda had gone as far as using the cane on you last night. Oh how you would’ve cried. She felt herself growing hard at just the thought.

Wanda pressed the point of her shoe into your balls, wiggling her foot to provide friction. “Spread your ass for Tasha so she can see your pretty plug.”

You did as she asked, reaching back with both hands to better reveal the pink plug stuffed inside of you. “Mommy’s Girl” was written across the base in fancy lettering. The maneuver forced you onto your shoulders, face resting against your dog bed.

Natasha reached her hand down to touch you, stopping to look at Wanda, who nodded in approval. She pushed on the base of the plug forcing it further into your ass.

It was the biggest one Wanda had ever had you wear by a pretty wide margin. You’d cried when she put it in this morning, and the cruel sting had barely faded throughout the day. The simple sensation of Natasha’s hand was almost enough to have you in tears again.

“She’s a little sensitive, aren’t you, puppy? You’ve never had anything that big in your little ass before have you?” Wanda explained, moving her foot so the point of her shoe lightly caressed your shaft.

You shook your head into the soft fabric of the dog bed, holding back tears. The sensation of the two women’s hands on you, toying with you cruelly, was terribly overwhelming.

“Mommy’s dirtying her favorite shoes for you puppy,” Wanda smirked sadistically, nearly laughing at how pathetic you looked on the ground in front of her. She could tell the contact, after a morning of neglect, was overwhelming you. “What do you say?”

“Thank you mommy!” You cried, muffled by the plush bed your face was forced in to. “And thank you Natty for playing with my ass!”

Natasha inspected you carefully, running her hands over the raw swell of your ass. She didn’t stop when you winced and whimpered at the harsh contact she made with your sensitive skin. She leaned forward, peeking her head under you to get a better look at your cock.

She was consistently surprised by how small you were, especially in comparison to her. Even as hard as you were, your cock couldn’t have been a full 5 inches long. You weren’t terribly thick either, thinner, even in proportion, than she was. “Poor puppy,” she cooed teasingly. “I bet you can’t even please your mommy with a dick that little, can you?”

You naïvely expect Wanda might chime in on your behalf, but when she just laughed, your face burned red. You wanted her to defend you: tell Natasha that even though it was small, you had the sweetest, prettiest cock in the universe and she loved it. Sure she had to put you in a sleeve sometimes when she fucked you, but you were more than capable of getting her off. She loved your little cock, even if it was small.

But she said nothing of the sort. She simply laughed like Natty had told a silly joke.

You heard the undoing of a belt buckle behind you, and then your head was pulled back up by the leash. “Come here, honey,” Natasha instructed, motioning for you to stand up. “Let’s see how you measure up.”

You looked to Wanda, hoping she would come to your rescue, but she simply raised her eyebrows expectantly. For once, you found you didn’t want to leave your puppy bed.

You clambered to your feet, finding yourself face to face, dick to dick with Natasha Romanov. You blushed fiercely, looking down at the space between you. Where Natasha’s shaft stood proud at 9 inches, yours was a lousy 4 ½. Not to mention hers was twice as thick, ridged with strong veins up to the tip. It wasn’t so much that you were jealous of her, you just wished you hadn’t looked so puny in comparison. Maybe if you were 6 or 7 inches, this wouldn’t be such a humiliating display. Even if you just had a little more girth, her dick wouldn’t make yours look like a child’s in comparison.

Instead you stood there, eyes wide as you stared down at her, simply unable to speak. You wanted to defend yourself in some way, but what was there to defend? Her dick was superior to yours in every way. At least you were largely hairless in comparison. Then again, that just made you look more juvenile.

Natasha laughed at the stunned look on your face. “Wanda, I don’t think your sweet little puppy has ever seen a real cock before.”

Much to your chagrin, Wanda laughed too. “No, Tasha. I think it’s only ever been silicone and the pathetic little thing she’s got between her legs.”

Natasha moved to stand next to Wanda, who looked up at her, amused, from her desk chair. You watched in horror as she dropped your leash and grabbed Natasha shaft, placing a light kiss to the tip. “Don’t be rude, puppy. Tell Tasha what a pretty cock she has.”

“You-you have a very pretty cock Natty,” you stammered.

She smiled back at you condescendingly. “Thank you, puppy.”

“Now go lay down,” Wanda instructed, watching you pad over to your bed. You got back on your knees, helpless to do anything but watch the scene before you unfold.

“You truly do have quite the impressive member here,” Wanda said in faux sincerity. She lazily ten her tongue around Natasha’s tip in between sentences. “Maybe I’ll get a cast of it, for when I start to miss you. I could even get my sweet puppy to wear it as a sleeve, so she can feel what it’s like to have a real cock.”

“The poor puppy,” Natasha teasingly cooed, looking down at Wanda, “can she even get you off with that little thing?”

Wanda smirked, running her tongue up the underside of Natasha’s dick. “I have better luck getting off with a toy up that pretty ass of hers,” she teased. “I don’t even have to touch it most of the time. The little thing goes twitching and spurting all on its own.”

Natasha growled. “God, I’d love to watch her cry on my cock. Poor thing probably wouldn’t make it halfway down before the tears started flowing.”

Wanda chuckled again, continuing to lazily pump her hand against Natasha’s groin. “That will truly be a show. I can find a way to keep her mouth occupied, should she put up too much of a fuss.”

The two women continued talking, laughing at each other’s jokes, seemingly enriched in the conversation. All while Wanda casually played with Natasha’s perfect dick. And, most importantly, they never sparred you so much as a glance.

They talked about you, briefly. But the conversation soon shifted to other topics: work, travel plans, antidotes from the past. They seemed to go on and on in a jovial little conversation you were not invited to be a part of.

You whined and whimpered from your bed, jealousy boiling up inside of you, but you didn’t dare leave your bed. Even in a jealous rage, you knew the rules. You wouldn’t speak and you wouldn’t leave your bed until Wanda told you to.

You tried to remind yourself Wanda was just playing. You’d talked about this several times before. Natasha was by no means a new and unexpected addition to your sex life. But something about the way Wanda was genuinely smiling up at Natasha, her perfect dick in Wanda’s nicely manicured hand, made it feel like more than playing. You found yourself crying, tears falling down your cheeks as you tried to get their attention.

You were practically jumping around your bed, seconds away from running up and pushing Natasha away, when she finally said “Tony will be expecting me back. I told him I’d only be gone an hour or so.”

“Okay,” Wanda sighed. “I’ll see you tomorrow. If I can get the little one to behave. Love ya.”

Natasha zipped up her pants, shoving her hard on back down in her underwear. “Love ya. I’ll see you tomorrow.” And then, with all the audacity in the world, she bent down and gave Wanda a little peck on the lips.

When Natasha finally left the room, Wanda finally tapped her lap and whistled for you to come. You ran to her, nearly sending her rolling chair across the room with the impact. She caught you in her arms, gently petting the back of your head. “Shhh puppy, mommy’s got you. You’re okay.”

You whined pathetically in her lap, pawing at her shirt and leaning back to look her in the eyes. “You were just playing with Natty, right? You don’t really like her cock better, do you? Mine is still your favorite, right? Even though it’s little and maybe not so… pleasurable as hers, it’s still your favorite? Please tell me it’s still your favorite.”

Wanda giggled, calmly coddling you into her while you cried. “Of course your cock is still my favorite, baby. I was just playing with Tasha, puppy. Remember what I told you? I don’t like playing with her like I play with you. You're my special little puppy and no one is ever going to change that.”

“And-and you didn’t like kissing her either because I’m your favorite person to kiss and you were just playing when you did that,” you rambled.

Wanda eyebrows lifted in surprise. She straight up made out with Natasha in front of before for your enjoyment. She was surprised the little kiss set you off so bad. “Of course, love,” she said, pulling you into a kiss. “You’re my absolutely favorite person to kiss.”

“You promise?” You pleaded “Even though she’s bigger, and… and her cock is perfect. And she’s prettier than I am…”

You were interrupted by Wanda grabbing your face. “Hey,” she said firmly, “you’re talking about my special puppy right now and we’re not gonna use words like that, okay? Sweetheart, if it was really bothering you to watch me and Tasha like that, I need you to use your safe word, okay? I’m only playing, honey. And I can only do that if I know that you’re okay.”

You nodded. “I-I like watching you play with Natty, but you were pretending like I didn’t exist and I got a little scared that you forgot…” you explained. “You weren’t even holding my leash. You just… left it on the ground!”

“Oh sweet girl,” she soothed, “of course mommy didn’t forget about you, baby. We were putting on a little show special for you, sweetheart.”

“I know, I know,” you cried. “I was trying really hard to remember. But you were just so happy with her, and-and… I thought maybe you liked her better than me!”

“Would you have felt better sitting in mommy’s lap?” She asked, trying to problem solve this venture for the future.

You nodded. Everything is better when you can hold onto mommy.

She chuckled. “Okay, baby. How about this: next time you need my lap you just give my clothes a little tug. You won’t get in trouble for leaving your bed. If you start to feel any bad feelings, you can feel free to crawl up in my lap. Or, can you remind me of our word we use we use when we have to take a little pause and talk about something?”

“Y-yellow,” you responded.

“That’s right!” She praised. “You’re such a smart puppy. Can you promise you’ll use that next time we’re playing and you start to not feel so good?”

You nodded. “Yes mommy, I promise.”

“Good girl,” she cooed. “Remember that even during your punishments, you have the right to interrupt if something doesn’t feel right, okay. Not everything is supposed to feel good, but it’s never supposed to be too much.”

You nodded against her, wrapping your arms around her possessively.

She let you sit like that for a minute, cooing over how much she loved you, before tucking your head into her neck and wheeling back to her desk. She carefully moved her laptop away from the center of the desk, lifting you up and setting you down in its place. You hissed as your sore ass mad e contact with the hard surface. “Now, how about mommy takes a little break from work to show you how much I love this little cock of yours, and then you can sit on my lap and cuddle until I’m done for the day?”

You nodded, leaning back against the desk, bracing yourself as she spread you out in front of her. She nudged your legs apart, sliding herself between them as she took you in. She places gentle kisses up your thighs, ruining her knuckle lightly against your throbbing shaft. “Such a pretty puppy. You’re still so hard for me angel. Have you been waiting on mommy to take care of you all day?”

You nodded, biting down hard on your lip to keep yourself from whining. Your dick was so beyond hard by this point. It took all of your willpower to stay still on the desk.

She finally took you into her hand, gently massaging the precum from your tip. “Oh angel,” she breathed, licking the thin liquid up as it dripped down your shaft. “This is mommy’s favorite cock, princess. There’s never been a more perfect one in the world.”

“Really?” You squeaked. After an afternoon of neglect, her tongue immediately felt like heaven. You were struggling to keep your head upright, but she wrapped your leash around her hand, forcing you to stay. She looked at you like you were her whole world.

She nodded, slipping the tip of your cock past her lips. You almost immediately jerk at the heavenly sensation, but she was already holding your hips in anticipation. You weren’t known for being a patient puppy. She slid one of your legs up over your shoulders to give her better access.

Her mouth moved rhythmically around your cock, occasionally pulling away to suck on your balls while she stroked you with her hand. She went slow, but not cruelly so. She was taking her time with you because you were important. Because she loved you.

Your hands tightened around the edge of the desk, fingernails digging into the underside of it. “Mommy…” you moaned, straining against the leash.

“Mmm,” she hummed, lip still wrapped around your cock. The good thing about your small size was she could take you in your entirety without much effort. You could feel your tip nearing the back of her throat.

She moved her hands from your balls down to the plug in your ass. She tapped the metal with the tip of her nails, sending vibrations deep inside of you.

You whined. “Mommy it’s gonna hurt….”

“Aww,” she cooed, sloppily kissing down your shaft. “Is it gonna hurt when you cum baby? Is it gonna hurt when your tight little ass clenches around mommy’s big plug?”

You nodded. She pulled on the end of the metal plug, twisting it inside of you. The pain sent shivers up your spine.

“It’s okay, puppy,” she soothed, “Mommy’s right here baby. It’ll only last a little bit and then you’ll get all the cuddles you can ever dream of, okay?”

“O-okay,” you breathed and she sucked sharply on your balls. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, willing yourself not to orgasm too hard.

But Wanda seemed intent on ruining this plan. She masterfully guided her tongue around your tip before she took you down to the hilt, letting it hit the back of her throat. She switched her attention between fondling your balls and playing with the plug in your ass. It wasn’t long before you were ready to cum.

“You're holding back on mommy, aren’t you? I can feel you all swollen in my mouth. And these little balls are very full, puppy. Don’t you wanna cum for mommy? You’ll feel much better after,” she insisted.

Your bottom lip quivered. “I’m scared, mommy.”

She smirked. She’d never seen you so dedicated to not having an orgasm. Either way, your resistance was futile. She continued to toy with the plug while she skillfully sucked you off. She tightened her hold on the leash.

It wasn’t even a full minute before you were begging. “Mommy. Mommy please. Please mommy I’m gonna cum. Please mommy,” you pleaded.

With one final stroke, you came, spilling down her throat. She was sure to swallow every drop, treating it as if it were a holy thing she’d be loathe to waste.

The pain overshadowed the pleasure almost immediately. Your ass tightened frantically around the plug, futilely attempting to push it out. It hurt worse now than it had going in. You cried out, reaching out to grab any part of her you could.

“Shshshhhh,” she soothed, holding her hand in one of hers while the other stroked your forehead. “You did so good for me, puppy. You’re such a good girl. It’s over now honey. You can have all the cuddles baby.”

She slid back down your body, methodically kissing her way back down your stomach to your now soft dick. She took it into her hands, all shrunken and small, and placed a little kiss to the head. She nuzzled it with her nose. “Mommy’s perfect puppy and her perfect little cock. The softest and the prettiest in the whole entire world.”

“It’s all yours,” you assured, breathlessly. “Nobody else in the world gets to touch it.” You paused before giggling a little bit. “Except for maybe Natty sometimes. But only if mommy says it’s okay.”

She giggled. “That’s right, princess. You’re a smart little puppy.”

You nodded, letting her lift you off the desk and back into her lap. She grabbed a throw blanket from the couch and tossed it over your shoulders, using it to swaddle you into her chest.

You sat astride her lap, arms crossed over your own chest as you nestled into hers. She placed a kiss on your head, rubbing the back of your hair with her thumb.

“Get some rest now, puppy. Mommy’s got work to do.”

#wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda x y/n #wanda x you #mommy wanda #mommy!wanda #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x y/n

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findafight · 1 year ago

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Severely neglected component of modernish rockstar Eddie fics is Robin deciding to become an internet hater for Eddie. Like she finds out Eddie is semi/famous and is like "oh, you know what'll be hilarious?" And makes a twitter account dedicated to dissing him. You cannot convince me she wouldn't. Eddie knows she runs the account (it's not even negative it's just to rag on him. Tweets like "Eddie Munson seems like the kind of guy who would tell his friend he'll get her dr pepper and then get some bullshit knockoff. What the hell is a peppo" and "Eddie Munson has probably gotten so distracted by his SO that he walked into a wall and then was still so distracted said SO thought he was concussed." Or "Jeff is actually the best member of CC Eddie probably walked on cafeteria tables in HS" And of course "everybody says I hate on Eddie too much but they don't know he woke his SOs bff up just to ask if there was any peppo left. Twice.") But he can't do anything about it. It's a bit of a meme, because the account never says anything actually mean about Eddie, or his music. Just. Bizarre hypotheticals. (They are not hypothetical)

People are like "how do you feel about EddieMunsonh8r at twitter dot com"

And he has to grit his teeth and say people can have their own opinions about him, ignoring the fact that Robin was literally sitting beside him poking him when she tweeted earlier that day about him wiggling his fingers and saying he'd like to have a little morsel (in reference to cheezies).

When asked why she does it she just says "to keep him humble. And also it's funny to see if people believe he would do this stuff."

Gareth proposes one of them make an account like that about Steve, semi famous stuntman who's doing some more acting now, and the next day Robin tweets "CC seems like the kid of guys who'd make a fake hater account about Steve and use actually silly billy things he does as content" (Jeff tattled)(Eddie groaned)(Steve and Robin cackled)

#robin Buckley #eddie munson #steve Harrington #steddie #stobin #honestly most steddie fics lack robin absolutely razzing on eddie #eddie being famous? she has apublic forum for teasing him.#tbh to me famous eddie is a vehicle for robin being funny (esp if qpr lavender marriage stobin)#rockstar eddie munson #platonic stobin #finda's rambles #finda writes stuff #not really but kinda #stranger things #actually. robin would do this either way if eddie was famous or not #she just more reach and influence if eddie is famous

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sulumuns-dootah · 2 months ago

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WHB characters boyfriend HCs

⟡ Masterlist ⟡

A/N: Written mid October as a way to make myself feel better. Might turn this into a series, if anyone is interested ^^

Characters: Satan, Paimon, Beelzebub, Gusion, Michael

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Bike rides and bar dates - I can just imagine going for a drive through Gehenna's streets, tightly holding onto Satan so you don't fall off a the high speed (Just like Minhyeok when Juno drove him to school in chapter 6)

Okay, on the theme of bars: kinda funny but I imagne him holding his hard liquor much better than something with little-to-none alcohol

Lots of lovebites and hickeys

Despite stuggling to sleep normally, when you're with him, it's the exact opposite and whenever you cuddle, he's out within minutes

His love language is bullying

During his depressive episodes, you're the only one he'll let near him

NSFW HCs

That horn style might as well be called handlebars, bc you sure will be holding onto dear life ( joke stolen from Trixie Mattel)

He has a thing for when someone rides his boots

Kinda obvious one, but a lot of BDSM in the bedroom

If you're a monsterfucker, he wouldn't mind changing into his other form for you

༺☆༻

Shopping dates!!

If you wish to, your relationship can be fully off social media despite Pai practically living on them

Matching stuff!

Loves doing your makeup (even if you don't wear any)

Café dates!

Ultimatelly, you're their new photographer for their posts

Overall the vibe of your relationship really gives me the two best friends who also fuck vibes

Every night is a slumber party!

NSFW HCs

If you get periods, they'll make sure you have all the stuff in the world you might need

And if you require some special attention down there, they're more than excited to make you feel good

I can imagine a lot of roleplay with cute outfits for the both of you

༺☆༻

Even when you're not with each other, there's at least a fly following you around to make sure you're okay

His clones do prove useful for more than just sex - putting new fitted sheets onto your mattress? done and done!

Every date is in a new location you never even knew about

Despite his memory being shit, he'll remember all the important and small things: your favorite scent? favorite dish? flower? yep, all memorised or turned into a tattoo on his inner wrist!

Oh, speaking of tattoos... You two get a matching one to seal the deal on your relationship

Instead of proposal with a ring, Beel proposes with a piercing needle and giving you the choice of what he'll pierce (you can even pick multiple spots!)

NSFW HCs

Let's get the obvious out of the way: Yes, he loves eating you out so much he'd spend the next century between your legs

And yes, you can say goodbye to deodorants/perfumes

Surprisingly not into food play tho... If you look any more yummy, he might actually eat you :D

༺☆༻

Workaholic baby :(

Like seriously, you sometimes have to cleverly lure him away from his math problems

If you're a student, you've won the jackpot! He might not be an expert in your field, but he knows how to help you learn

Gaming nights with some insane hard puzzle games

A cute scenario: Gus taking off his glasses before leaning down to kiss you deeply

I already mentioned this in my post about confessing a crush to him, but he might neglect you a bit from being so into his work so make sure to sound off and let him know

NSFW HCs

Someone gets a bit hot and bothered after your study session together

Ooh! I absolutely can't forget a good ol' teacher/student roleplay

He's most likely originally from Gehenna bc of how horny he got from the thought of having a headache, so I HC that he'll come seek you out after getting one to fuck the life out of you

༺☆༻

His hair is 100% pure silk

Your relationship probably started with Mikey first seeing you and not being able to read you, so he decided to keep his remaining eye on you to see what's the story with you

Somehow ended up accidentally(?) falling for you

He's definitelly the most likely demon to get unhealthily obsessed with his s/o

A lot of attachment issues after loosing God and Lucifer

That mom friend for sure (even literally a mom - kinda makes me wonder how he'd react to all the lesser angels he made giving him Mother's day card)

One daydream plot i came up with is that if I were in Hell and Michael showed up, I'd just pretend to be fully delulu that he's into me, but isn't ready to tell me yet The whole "Aw, you came to see me? Does that mean...? that you're ready to confess to me...?" He'd just get disgusted and leave and then everybody claps

NSFW HCs

Kinda obvious, but he's iffy about sexual subjects at first

Still doesn't mean he hasn't thought a few times about breaking out of his chastity cage

Once you break down his restraints, he's maybe even freakier than some demons in Abaddon

Maybe there's a good reason God locked his angels up

Okay, hear me out: Michael x MC x Raphael (yes, death is almost guaranteed, but what a way to go!)

#what in hell is bad #what in “hell” is bad?#whb satan #whb paimon #whb beelzebub #whb gusion #whb michael

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fungateshortcakes · 3 months ago

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Deadly Dinner (old!Logan x fem!reader)

Pairing: old man Logan × fem!mutant! Reader

Summary: A nice family invites you, your husband Logan, Charles and Laura to dinner at their farm. You have a lovely time, yet Logan insists on leaving despite being offered a place to sleep. Maybe you should have listened to him?

Wordcount: 5.1k

Genre: angst, heavy angst, little tiny bit of fluff, follows the plot of the movie (Logan 2017)

Warnings: english is not my first languange! first time posting on tumblr, blood, goore, wounds, violence, death, X24, guns, stabbing, one time use of (Y/N)

I've never uploaded to tumblr before, so I am still trying to figure things out. Let me know if you liked it!

___________________________________

You knew Logan didn't really like sitting here at the dinnertable with this new family when he was supposed to sit in his car and get Laura to her destination - which he didn't believe to be real, but what other choice did he have?

For you, this felt..nice. It was like catching a long needed break, bringing back domestic moments like this even for just a little while. You had missed that in your marriage with Logan for a long time now. He was getting old, getting tired, shutting you off more often than not. And even if this was just play pretend - Laura being your little daughter, despite you knowing her for barely a week, and Charles being Logans father - for a second you allowed yourself to be fooled and enjoy this moment as it was.

"Oh she is adorable" Kathryn cooed as she watched Laura stuff her mouth full of food with her bare hands. You chuckled nervously and went to wipe her greasy fingers clean, to which she looked at you with a slight glare. You gave her a warning glance no one else could see and handed her cuttlery. You turned back to Kathryn with a forced smile. "Isn't she just? That cute little face makes up for all the manners she doesn't have" you elbowed softly into her side, she pouted and began to eat with her fork and knife, albeit unhappy with your decision.

Kathryn laughed, remembering how her teenage son Nate was at that age. "Don't be too dramatic, when Nate was that age, he was no different" she flashed her teeth while watching Laura eat her food in big bites as if she had been starving. "I miss when my big boy was still this little" she giggled and pinched her sons cheek, who groaned in annoyance.

"How did you cope with her going to kindergarden for the first time? Nate is going to college soon and I still can't manage seeing him all grown up" The woman swooned, turning her whole attention to Logan and you, completely neglecting her food. It also had been a good while for her that she got to talk to someone about this, she was eager for a conversation.

This was awkward. Logan and you never actually had children, nor did you two want any in the first place. Not to mention the fact that Laura was no ordinary child created by the love of two people, with a normal life and normal childhood. Your mouth remained open as you looked at her. You kicked Logan under the table and looked at him for help.

He cleared his throat. "Uhm...well. I'd say Laura had a harder time than us" he chuckled, the sound more of a rasp as he scratched his neck. You quickly clocked in. "Right, yeah. When we went to bring her in for her first day, Logan had to peel her off his leg because she didn't want us to go" you smiled and leaned against Logan, his eyes softening. "She cried the whole day until we picked her up again"

A warm feeling spread through Logans chest, dulling the every day ache for a short moment at the thought of what could have been. "Aww, sounds like someone really loves their mommy and daddy." Kathryn cooed to Laura. Laura couldn't care less about the words that were spoken and didn't really give the woman any reaction besides looking at her for a split second after she noticed someone talked to her. Kathryn was a bit...weirded out, to say the least. But it was good enough.

"Nate was the complete opposite" Will suddenly threw in, chewing his food soundly. "The second he hit the ground - he was off. Like he couldn't wait to get away from his mom" he lifted his fist to his mouth and coughed "not that I would blame him-" he muttered before his booming laugh echoed through the room after his wife had slapped his arm. "I'm kiddin" he snickered, holding his hands up in defense.

The whole table laughed, some forced, others genuine. Charles cleared his throat, pulling the attention to him. "In that matter, Laura is just like her father. Ever since Logan met (Y/n), he was stuck to her like glue. And it has been that way ever since"

The family ooe'd at you both, Logan huffing out a quiet laugh as he shrugged his shoulders in that 'what can I say' way, the crows feet near his eyes crinkling deeply.

You hadn't seen him like that in ages, the expression on his face coming as close to what someone would call joy as it could with the pain plaguing him every single minute of his time.

You rubbed his back, leaning your head on his broad shoulder that slumbed only a little under your actions. "Where did the two of you meet, hm?" Kathryn asked, eager to know more about your relationship. You grasped Logans hand under the table, for reassurance of course.

"Well my, my father ran a school for a lot of years. Right, Charles?"

Charles smiled and nodded his head. "Yes, yes it was...it was a kind of special needs school" he lied, Logan softly snorting at the choice of Charles words. "Uh-huh, that's a good description" you laughed at the sarcasm dripping from his voice. Of course Charles couldn't say what this 'school' truely was. But still.

"He was there" Charles started, pointing to Logan. "And she was, too"

Kathryn clasped her hands together. "Oh! So you are something like highschool sweethearts?" she assumed, smiling brightly at Logan and you. "I guess you could say that, yes" you answered and her smile only went wider at what she heard. She put a hand over her heart. "So true love does exist, how lovely"

For her, it sounded like Logan and you had been together ever since you were teenagers. To think that your love was still strong after all these years made her so incredibly happy for you two. Truth was, back at the mansion, you were well in your twenties when you met Logan. Not to mention that he was already over a hundred years old or so at the time. Besides that - you hated each other. Which didn't mean that what Charles said was wrong. Oh no. Logan followed you around everywhere. It annoyed you and he didn't even know why he did it. Turns out, he wanted to protect you ever since he laid eyes on you. Without reason. He just did. Keeping you safe was his priority.

It still was.

Not that you weren't fully cabable of handling any danger yourself. You were a beast in combat and could heal your own as well as other peoples wounds. And yet he felt a whole lot better if he was by your side and could keep an eye out. Just in case.

After you had waited for Laura to still her seemingly insatable hunger, Logan stood up from the table. "Well ma'am, I can't thank you enough for this. Uh, it was great. But we have a long drive ahead of us, so.." he trailed off, tapping Lauras shoulder so she would stand up. You frowned up at him but Kathryn spoke up before you could. "But you need to rest, don't you?" He lifted a hand dismissively "Yeah, we'll find a motel somewhere"

You and him locked eyes and you gently shook your head, he sighed. "The nearest one is two hours from here and it's not even that nice" Will argued and you raised your brows at Logan as if to say 'you seriously want to sleep in a murky hotel when we can stay here for the night?'

"We have a perfectly fine room upstairs for your father and your daughter. And you and your wife can sleep in the livingroom on the convertible" Kathryn reasoned even further as Logan pulled Laura up from her seat by the arm. He stopped to look at the woman. "Kathryn, it's very, very nice of you, but we really should go"

Logan turned, pulling Laura along but you stood up, blocking his way. "We can leave early in the morning. Break of dawn, as it were" Charles chimed in, looking intentively at Logan. "Listen to your father. Come on, just one night. I would agree with you if you'd let me drive once in a while instead. But you'd rather drop dead than let me behind the wheel." You muttered, looking deeply into his tired eyes, your hands gently roaming up and down his sides. "You need a break. Nothing will happen, okay?" The eyecontact in this moment was important to you, yet he huffed and looked away. You quickly catched his jaw, turning him back to you. "Okay?" you asked again.

You could see the wheels turning in his head, his eyes moving over your face with his internal fight. He sighed. "Okay" he whispered, kissing your forhead before stepping away. "Why don't we wash up, Pop?" Logan sighed, gripping the handle of Charles wheelchair, pushing him out of the dining area to a bathroom.

You smiled softly as Kathryn gave your daughter- well, Laura, a piece of cake for dessert and the little girl smiled softly for once. She was...just like Logan.

Turning to the big pile of dishes in the sink, you rolled up your sleves and began scrubbing at the dirty plates. You felt a presence behind you. "What are you doing?" Kathryn laughed in surprise as she watched you washing their dishes as if you were their cleaning lady. You knew the next words that would come out of her mouth would be something along the lines of 'you are our guest' and 'let me finish this up while you get comfortable with your husband'

You flashed a smile at her "You gave us a delicious meal and let us stay the night, this is the least I can do to show my gratitude and appreciation" and that quickly shut her up. She was thankful and you knew, that was all that mattered.

The clinking of cuttlery could be heard as you washed the forks and spoons thoroughly with a soap drenched sponge. It was a mindless activity for you, your hands only focused on getting every speck of left-over food off the steel and ceramic, you didn't even realise you were softly humming to yourself. Your mind was elsewhere. That's when you jumped as the water suddenly spurted all over the place, the pipes creaking dangerously. You quickly turned off the water flow before there was a loud "Ah, shit!" and the front door fell shut.

The next second Logan and Charles were out the bathroom. Will explained that the pump station that supplied them with water was a mile away and got itself shut off from time to time. From what Nate said, some douchbag men were the reason for it. No big deal, right? They still had a water tank that had been freshly filled by the heavy rain yesterday, which you used to complete washing the dishes. Yet, Kathryn wanted her husband to fix the problem right away and since he wasn't in the mood to argue with his wife in front of guests, he reluctantly gave in to go out to the fields.

"My son is happy to go with you" Charles chimed in, nodding over to Logan who looked at him as if he had grown a second head. "No, no, its fine" Will declined the offer. Partly because he clearly saw that Logan wasn't really keen on the idea and to Will, Logan looked rather tired, weary and- insustainable, not to say weak. If these assholes came, what kind of help would Logan even be? The last Will needed was to bring you back your husband, all beaten up or something.

Logan of course new better. Yes, he was weary, he was tired, but he's still got it. He'd manage, somehow. Logan threw a last glance at Charles before his shoulders slumbed a bit in defeat. "Allright, I'll go" he rasped and walked over to you. He put his warm, rugged hand on your shoulder, kissing your temple. "I'll be back in a moment, sweetheart. I will get Charles settled, you think you can handle Laura on your own?" there it was again, that slight smirk that made his eyes crinkle. You smiled at his attempt at teasing you. If your hands wouldn’t have been sopping wet and the others weren't there, you would have certainly wrapped your arms around his neck. Instead, you bumped his side with your hip. "Look who's talking" you teased back with a small grin. You leaned over to kiss him on the cheek- or as much as you could reach from it, which ended up being more beard than skin. "I will wait for you in the livingroom once I'm done until you get back. I love you"

Logan brought Charles up to the guestroom Kathryn had prepared and went out with Will shortly after. Before you knew, Laura had silently followed Nate up to his room. The house was quiet, even upstairs.

You hummed softly as all you could smell were the sweet soapy bubbles in the sink. You used a small bowl you filled with water from a tank under the sink cabinet to rinse off the dishsoap from the porcelan cups and wine glasses, scrubbing with a rough sponge to leave it shiny and spotless. It was a bit more tedious than if you had running water, but you enjoyed this domestic moment you had to yourself. The last few days had been draining and exhausting, keeping your stress levels high with every dangerous thing life had thrown at you.

You had hope that after all of this, after bringing Laura safe and sound to Eden, that maybe some things would return to normal, that it would get better. You just wanted your husband back. Not in the sense of him not being there anymore in the flesh- but he had been so emotionally absent from you for the past years. You loved him, and he loved you too. It was just hard to keep believing that. You always thought that you were something worth living for to him. You were well aware of the pain he went through every day, the reminders that were constantly thrown at him that he couldn't do things like he used to, the voice in his head only telling him to kill himself to get out of that misery. You had catched him more often than not playing with the adamantium bullet, sometimes even with a shotgun pressed under his chin. You'd rather not see that again- ever.

As you had finished every last piece and put it next to the sink, you searched for a cloth to rub the plates and cuttlery dry. One hand held the spoon while the other engulfed it with the rag, drying it in between every tooth.

Suddenly, you felt a pair of strong hands on your hips, the frizzy texture of a beard scratching the exposed skin of your neck. You hadn't heard how he came in. After the initial shock, you relaxed under your husbands hands and continued your task. "Are you back already? That was pretty quick. I hope these assholes didn't give you two too much trouble" you muttered absentmindedly as you changed out the dry dishes in your hand with still wet ones. "I saw Laura walking up the stairs, she is probably with Charles. Maybe you could check if she's asleep yet before we go to bed" you suggested but never heard and answer from Logan. Yet his grip stayed firmly on your hips. You figured he was just tired, too worn out to care.

His hands felt weirdly...cold. And stiff. Logans were usually warm and lose around your waist or shoulder. This felt different now that you thought about it. What happened out there?

"I'll meet you in the livingroom once I am done here, okay?" you asked then, still no answer. You could only feel his hands travel up from your hips to your waist, resting there. "Are you alright, sweetheart?" you asked him carefully. He smelled different. Like he just broke out of a medical institute, reeking like sanitized air. You grew a bit tense, and you thought he could feel that.

Finally, you decided to turn your head. "Logan-?" you asked, but before you could get the words out, six adamantium blades pierced through your torso, the tips poking out on either side. You choked out a pained yelp, your legs feeling weak. That man behind you, whoever or what he was- he lifted you up to have gravity pull you down more onto his claws. He enjoyed the gutteral cry you let out before he let his blades retract, your body falling onto the ground, your head hitting the kitchen tiles.

Blood gushed from the wounds on your waist, throbbing pain hammered against your skull. You couldn't pass out. If you passed out, you'd die. With short grunts filled with agony, you twisted your aching body to the side, your eyes glancing at the figure of a man, his footsteps thundering up the stairs. You whimpered out, but it was more of a breathless weeze. "No...No, Laura. Charles" you rasped quitely.

The world kept spinning in harsh circles. Don't pass out. Don't pass out. While you could heal, it was unlike Logans ability to do so. While wounds, cuts and bruises vanished the second he got them, or at least that's how it used to be, you had to touch the affected area with your fingers. The bigger the wound, the longer it would take for you to heal it. The bigger the wound, the more the healing process drained your energy. But you couldn't let him get to Laura and Charles. You wouldn't forgive yourself.

You jammed your fingers into the clean cut holes, wailing in pain, your body protesting against your actions as it coiled in on itself. You sobbed out as you tried to bundle your energy and concentrate it to your fingertips, the burning sensation of flesh, intenstines and muscles stitching themselves back together all over your torso.

Tears spilled out of your eyes as you wriggled around in pain on the floor like a worm that had been cut in half. You gasped deeply to fill your lungs with air, completely forgetting to continue to breathe from the amount of energy this took out of you. You tried to stand, tried to get up and save Laura and Charles. But your knees buckled underneath you and you fell back against the kitchen aisle.

With a heaving breath, you sat up to lean your back against the oven door, heart thumping against your ribcage after you heard cries and a gunshot from upstairs. Who was that guy? He had claws. Like Logan. This couldn't be, this wasn't your Logan, right? Right?

Speaking of which, your husband came stumbling into the house, only wearing his white tank, a look of panic etched on his face. As you saw him, you breathed a short sigh of relief. But it worried you even more. Because if the man that had stabbed you wasn't him- then who was he!?

Logans knees nearly buckled under him from the sight of you, your blood spilled onto the tiles, staining your shirt, smeared all over your hands and arms. He fell to his knees next to you, eyes roaming over your body. He saw the six hole shaped wounds on either side of your torso, his gut twisting nauseously as he pictured what happened.

His chest heaved, his strong arms slipping under your legs and back, lifting you up with a pained grunt. "It wasn’t me- oh god it wasn’t me" he rasped, but it sounded more like an reassurance to himself than to you. Because you knew that- he would never do that to you. He made you touch the wounds on your side with your hand, his fingers trembling as he did. "Heal yourself, c'mon please" he pleaded you, his heart squeezing deeply in his chest as he heard you whine in agony, your body too tired and weary to continue.

He brought you outside and laid you into the back of his pick up truck, pressing your hands to your torso tightly. You had broken out into a cold sweat, your gaze a bit blurry as you looked at him. You couldn't say a word, you had to heal yourself. And every breath, every exhale and mutter of our voice pushed you further away from your goal.

Logan brushed his shaking thumb firmly over your cheek, trying to soothe you. And himself. With one last longing look, he turned around to pick up Charles and Laura. But before he could open the door to the house, it was already opened and he was face to face with - himself?

The mans face and his were identical, but the stranger was youthful. No wrinkles, no scars, not a trace of grey in his buzzed hair or beard. Only a deep scowl on his face. Both held intense eyecontact but made no sign of movement. Not until Logans gaze fell downward after hearing a distressed shriek below him.

The man had Laura.

The stranger huffed through his nostrils as he shoved himself past Logan and began to stomp towards a row of armored cars, Laura struggling in the device he had put her in. "No...Laura" you croaked helplessly as you watched, your voice barely above a whisper.

You turned your aching body back to Logan, ready to beg him to save her - but he was already gone, running up the stairs to find Charles. Before you knew it, tears continued to spill out of your eyes and down your cheeks. Everything happened so fast, everything was so much all at once. You were no help, you couldn't fight.

You couldn't save your daughter.

You were on the brink of unconsciousness, your eyes falling shut every now and then as your skull throbbed with pain. You forced yourself to stay awake, forced yourself to listen to Lauras cries as a reminder what a failure you were. Logan was right, you should have left after dinner.

You saw as another three set of cars drove onto the farm, a group of men getting out and standing in the mans way. They talked to him and he lowered Laura onto the ground. You breathed a sigh of short relief, hissing as finally one wound closed up completely on both sides. Five more to go...

A pained grunt threw you out of your haze. It was Logan, with Charles in his arms. Stumbling, he brought him over to you and only then did you see the three wounds on his chest. Your breath caught in your throat as his weak body was laid next to you. "I can heal him" you rasped but Logan knew better. Charles wouldn’t make it, despite the amount of energy you would put into healing him. And the last thing Logan needed was both of you dying without him being able to do anything about it. He swatted your hand away with a hurt look. He had made a decision.

Logan and you leaned over Charles, your tear falling onto his cheek right after he took his last breath. "No..." you whispered shakily, looking up to Logan, his jaw working tightly as he blinked, as if the weight of the moment had settled within him.

An explosion went off behind you, bringing your attention to the man that had Laura. He had killed the group of farmer assholes and was now distracted by the noise and fire. That's when Logan took off.

",Logan, no!" you shrieked in sheer panic, your voice raw, as Logan threw himself at his doppelganger, stabbing him into his neck. He buried his claws into him over and over, grunting as he did. But that bastard healed instantly, just like he did once. The doppelganger roared and flipped Logan over himself, smashing him down against the ground by his claws.

You heard blood splatter, wood cracking, the cutting of blades and the screams of your husband as he was pierced by blades mercilessly, his body growing tired.

You couldn't bear to look as the man rammed his blades through Logans armpit and out of the top of his shoulder. You started hyperventilating as all you could do was listen to your husband getting killed. You cried, desperately pushing your fingertips into your wounds and getting a hold of yourself again. You had lost so much blood, it was hard to know what was up and what was down.

Another wound closed up, and another. You couldn't feel your legs as you growled out, putting the last bit of energy into healing yourself so you could help Logan. Or at least get Laura to safety.

A car crashed into Logans doppelganger, pushing him into the exposed sharp ends of a destroyed tractor piece, trapping him there. He grunted, growling animalistically, struggling to get free. Will slowly got out of the car, a shotgun pointed to the man he had just hit with his car. Frustrated and angry, he shot him three times, the third time taking his eye out of it's socket before he finally quieted down.

Stumbling, Will turned around to face Logan, the real one out of the two. Wills gaze graced over Logans withered and battled body, the way the crimson blood soaked his white tank, dripping down his arms, face and hands. It was everywhere.

Both men panted as they looked at each other, Logan struggling to stand up as his knees kept buckling underneath him. Will grunted and lifted his shotgun, pointing it at Logan with shaking hands. Logan watched, swallowing thickly before he let his head hang, eyes closing and ready for it to end.

"No! No, don't shoot him" you gasped, suddenly standing in front of Logan defensively, holding up your hand to show that you were unarmed. "It wasn’t him, please" you pleaded, but for what? That he wouldn’t shoot just because you said it wasn’t Logans fault? That wouldn’t bring his family back. So what use did it have?

You took a shaky breath. "I know that you are angry, that you are hurt. And you have every right to be" you said to him, trying to find a change in Wills expression, but there was none.

"If you need to shoot someone...shoot me" you uttered. Logans eyes widened and he hoped he had heard you wrong. "No" he slurred, a hint of desperation in his voice as he pushed himself to stand up. You paid him no mind.

"If you need to let your anger out on someone, use me. But don't hurt my husband. He won't survive a bullet. Please" you begged him. Your heart was pounding in your throat, your sides were still aching, but not bleeding anymore. Were you scared? Of course you were. Scared of death, scared of losing the love of your life, scared to leave him and Laura alone...scared to be left alone with a kid that was so smiliar to him.

Despite your pleading, Will pulled the trigger. You jumped at the sound but were pretty much still alive. His gun was empty. And he was dead. With a loud thump, the man fell to the ground, unmoving.

Both you and Logan sighed with a hint of relief. You turned to him, the sight of him all beaten up like a knife to the heart. You made him sit down on the ground, leaning him against the wheel of a tractor. He was protesting, trying to stand up. "My god, Logan, stop fussing! You can’t walk, goddamnit!" you yelled at him, which shut him up. He wasn't mad at you for raising your voice. He knew you were stressed and worried about him. You didn't mean to shout at him. He grunted as you lifted up his shirt, exposing a fleshy wound. "Sh, sh, it's all going to be okay" you breathed, fingers penetrating the wounds. He groaned out and you cooed at him, tears rolling down your face. "I'm so sorry. I'm going to heal you as best as I can, then we are going to get Laura and get out of here, drive somewhere safe, okay?" You whispered to him, watching his face contort in pain as his flesh sewed itself back together.

Logan huffed as he saw that your own wounds hadn't finished healing yet, either. He graced them softly with his hand. "Your waist.." he croaked but you shushed him. "Don't worry about me. I'll manage. But you won't on your own" you answered, already feeling a headache forming as your energy was drained, flowing into repairing your husband so he wasn't on the brink of passing out anymore.

Once the biggest wounds were somewhat closed up, Logan had already healed some surface cuts into scars himself. You kissed his forhead before helping him up, his 300lbs body leaning on you for balance.

You slotted him into the passanger seat of the pick up truck before jogging up to Laura, scooping the shrieking girl into your arms. You opened the drivers door and pushed Laura over to Logan before getting behind the wheel yourself and shutting the door. Laura yelled as she saw the dead body of Charles in the back of the truck, Logan had to hold her down into her seat as you drove off.

"What do you think you are doing?" Logan coughes roughly, you could practically hear the frown in his voice. He was displeased with you driving the car, he didn't want you to get involved into a car accident. He also wanted you to rest, this was a lot today. "Do you seriously want to start this now?" you growled at him. This was not the time to argue about mundane stuff like this.

He didn't say another word after that and you sighed deeply. "I want you to rest, okay? Just this one time, let me drive" you mumbled, tired of fighting with him. The air in the car was thick, but the car only went quiet after Logan had freed Laura from her restraints.

You drove in silence, your grip tense on the steering wheel. You felt a hand on your thigh. Logan softly squeezed the meat of your thigh, a way of him saying sorry. To show that you accepted his apology, because why should you be angry at him for long?, you put your hand over his.

You looked at him for a moment. "I love you." he said. And you were glad that after today, after everything, you were still able to hear him say that.

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semiweirdshipper · 6 months ago

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Slashers as dads. (Extending the addition).

So I've been thinking about other slashers that I could write as fathers. And this is just a little list of ones that I've chose and how I feel about them. Usually for the slasher dad drabbles, I like to include at least four slashers. Freddy, Michael, Bo, and Hannibal have been my primary picks so far- and I write them in canon-divergence so they're portrayed as good guys. Now...

Let's talk about who else is fit to be a dad.

Jason Voorhees

I feel like it goes without saying that Jason would be a remarkable father figure. He's strong, protective, compassionate, loves nature, is nice, ect... If we altered his universe a bit and turned him into a good guy, I think he'd be the best father figure yet! I'm already thinking about scenarios where he teaches a child reader how to swim and stuff.

Bubba Sawyer/Thomas Hewitt

So I struggle a bit with Bubba mainly because he can't talk and, frankly, I'm not even sure if he can write. Children take after their parents, and I'm not gonna write a child reader squealing and huffing like he does. That's why I have such a difficult time with deciding what I could do to make him a good father figure. And it's not just his inability to talk, it's also his intelligence and the condition he lives in. My father figures have to have suitable jobs and living conditions. I'm not sure what I could do to make his situation better, you know?

As for Thomas Hewitt? I've never seen a movie with him, so I don't know anything about him, his speech, intelligence or living conditions. I was hoping maybe someone would explain it to me, please?

Weirdo demon people like Pyramid Head, Pinhead, Pennywise and Chucky.

Now, I don't see any of these characters as fit to be a father figure. However, I do see them as fit to be a 'friend'. Let's say a child reader is feeling lonely, scared, sad or neglected, and one of these guys shows up to make them feel better, take them on an adventure, or so on and so forth. I think that it could be it's own special kind of drabble sequence- not necessarily father figures, but more like 'friendly monsters'.

Evan MacMillan

The one character that I turn into an overworked dad in a lot of my stories, lol. I think Evan would make a great father figure. With a little bit of canon-divergence, it'd be easy to give him a suitable home and job. As a father, he'd be one of the best.

Albert Wesker

With A LOT of canon-divergence (and extreme patience and determination on my end), I think I can turn prince blondy into a father figure. It's going to be rough and I'm going to alter his personality a lot, but I can make it happen. If given the chance, I know that Albert can be a great father figure too.

Karl Heisenberg

I need to ring my memory up on this guy, but from what I remember, he's decent. I've actually read stories where he adopts one of the main characters, so he already has some fatherly traits without even needing any altering. But obviously I'd give him some canon-divergence anyway. Not everything about Karl is perfect, but I can see him being a good father.

Writing Vincent or Lester as the father instead of Bo.

This idea would be easy to do since I already write Bo as the father figure in my primary drabbles, but I've often wondered what it would be like to change it up a bit. Either Vincent or Lester would make good father figures. It kind of just depends on future plot that is used.

I need a little bit more time to think of other Dead by Daylight characters who would make good fathers, because I'm actually struggling a bit with it. But other than that, thank you for taking the time to read my notes! I don't know what the future holds, but I'm hoping that one day, all these characters and ideas will be part of it.

#slashers #slashers as dads #dead by daylight #child reader #jason voorhees x reader #bubba sawyer x reader #thomas hewitt x reader #pyramid head x reader #pennywise x reader #pinhead x reader #chucky x reader #vincent sinclair x reader #lester sinclair x reader #evan macmillan x reader #karl heisenberg x reader #albert wesker x reader

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sinful-sonnet · 15 days ago

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Whiskey & Wildflowers

Chapter 3

Prev | Next

“Fractured Comforts”

Dbf!Joel miller x f!reader

W/C: 7.7k

Summary: Grieving the loss of your mother, you find unexpected comfort in your father’s best friend, Joel. As you struggle with loneliness and depression, Joel steps in to help you regain stability. Despite the tension of forbidden feelings growing between you, Joel becomes your steady source of support, offering warmth and safety when you feel most lost. The story unfolds as you navigate grief, healing, and the complexities of your connection with him.

Content warnings: grief and loss, mentions of ed, power dynamics, self neglect, depression and isolation, emotional vulnerability, co feelings of attachment, unprotected piv, m orgasm, f orgasm, lmk if I missed anything

—-

Life without your mom felt surreal. The house was quieter, heavier, like the absence of her presence was weighing everything down. Your dad had taken it the hardest. He’d always been the strong one, the one who held everything together, but now he was crumbling in ways you’d never seen before.

You’d stepped up, doing everything you could to keep things running—making meals, cleaning, and trying to keep your dad from completely shutting down. It was exhausting, but you pushed through, telling yourself it’s what your mom would’ve wanted.

Joel and Sarah started coming by more often to help out. Sarah would sit with your dad, trying to distract him with little conversations or even just her presence. Joel, on the other hand, took to fixing things around the house—stuff that didn’t even need fixing, really.

“You’ve done enough,” Joel said one evening when you tried to stop him from working on a squeaky cabinet hinge. “Why don’t you take a break, darlin’? You’ve been runnin’ yourself ragged.”

You shook your head, setting down a pile of laundry. “I can’t, Joel. If I stop, everything’s gonna fall apart.”

Joel gave you a look—soft, but firm. “It won’t. You’re not alone in this, you know. Let us help.”

You sighed but nodded, sinking into a chair. Joel was right, though it didn’t make it any easier to let go of the reins.

Later, Joel sat with your dad, who was nursing a half-empty glass of whiskey at the kitchen table. He hadn’t said much since Joel arrived, and it was starting to worry him.

“I’ve known you a long time,” Joel said, his voice low and steady. “I ain’t ever seen you like this, man. You gotta talk to me.”

Your dad looked up, his eyes tired and red. “What’s there to say, Joel? She’s gone. She was my whole world, and now I don’t even know how to… how to be without her.”

Joel leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “You got your kid to think about. You ain’t gotta do it alone, but you can’t shut down on her. She needs you.”

Your dad ran a hand through his hair, nodding slowly. “I know. It’s just… hard.”

Joel stayed quiet for a moment, then said, “We’ll get through this. All of us. One step at a time.”

From the living room, you watched the two of them, grateful for Joel’s steady presence. Despite everything, you felt a little less alone knowing he was there—not just for your dad, but for you, too.

—

“I think I need to get away from here for a bit,” your dad said one evening, his voice low and uncertain. He sat across from you at the kitchen table, his hands wrapped around a cup of coffee he hadn’t touched.

You froze, the words hanging in the air like a weight. “What do you mean, Dad?” you asked softly, trying to keep the worry out of your voice.

He sighed, his shoulders slumping. “It’s just… everything in this house reminds me of her. Every corner, every damn thing I see. I can’t—” He stopped, taking a shaky breath. “I can’t breathe here. I need to clear my head.”

You didn’t know what to say. The thought of him leaving felt strange, like the house would be even emptier without him. It wasn’t like he was doing much to keep things lively, but at least he was here.

“How long would you be gone?” you asked hesitantly.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “A week, maybe two. I just need some space to figure out what the hell I’m doing.”

You nodded slowly, though a knot tightened in your chest. “I get it,” you said, even though you weren’t sure if you did. “Just… don’t stay away too long, okay?”

He reached across the table, placing his hand over yours. “I won’t. And I’m not leaving you alone. Joel and Sarah will check in. I’ll call every day, I promise.”

It didn’t make the idea of his absence any easier, but you forced a small smile. “Okay.”

Later that evening, when Joel came by, you told him about your dad’s decision. His brow furrowed, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “He said that, huh?” Joel muttered.

“Yeah,” you said, your voice quiet. “I get why, but… it feels weird. The house is gonna feel even emptier.”

Joel looked at you, his eyes soft with understanding. “I’ll be around,” he said simply. “You won’t have to do this alone.”

You nodded, the reassurance helping a little. But as the days passed and your dad packed up to leave, you couldn’t shake the unease that settled deep in your chest. The house would be quieter than ever, and even with Joel and Sarah stopping by, it wouldn’t feel the same without him.

You reminded yourself that you weren’t a teenager anymore—you were 25. You could live on your own, and technically, you had been managing everything in the house since your mom’s passing. Still, the thought of your dad leaving made you uneasy.

It wasn’t about not being capable—you’d proven you could cook, clean, pay bills, and handle the day-to-day chaos of life. But the house had always been a shared space, a place where you felt anchored by family. Without your dad there, it felt like something essential was being taken away, leaving you adrift in a sea of silence.

“You’re grown, kid,” your dad had said when you expressed your hesitation. “I know you’ll be fine. Hell, you’ve been keeping things together better than me these past weeks.”

It wasn’t exactly comforting, but it was true. You nodded, trying to reassure him—and yourself. “Yeah, I know. I’ll be fine.”

And you would be. You’d done it before—college apartments, short stints away from home—but this felt different. This wasn’t about independence or learning to stand on your own. This was about filling the void left behind by the people who were supposed to be there with you.

As the day of his departure came closer, Joel stopped by more frequently, making sure you were set up with everything you might need. “You got enough groceries?” he asked one afternoon, leaning against the counter.

“Yeah, Joel. I’m good,” you replied with a small smile. “I’m not helpless, you know.”

He smirked but didn’t argue. “I know that. Just… makin’ sure.”

Deep down, you knew Joel was trying to fill in the gaps, to make sure you didn’t feel completely alone once your dad left. It wasn’t lost on you, and for that, you were grateful. But it didn’t change the lingering emptiness you felt when the house fell silent at night, the weight of memories pressing in around you.

You’d be fine—you kept telling yourself that. You were 25, after all. You could handle it. But that didn’t mean it didn’t feel impossibly hard.

———

A few weeks had passed since your dad left, and you’d fallen into a pattern of isolating yourself. The house felt cold and empty, like a hollow shell of what it used to be, and you found it easier to just stay in your room.

You stopped answering the door when Joel and Sarah came by. Even when they unlocked the door with the spare key your dad had left, you’d lock yourself in your room, pretending to be asleep or too tired to come out. The truth was, it was all just… too much.

Deep down, you couldn’t shake the nagging fear that your dad might never come back. He hadn’t said much the last time you talked—just short, clipped answers that left you feeling more worried than reassured. The thought of losing him, too, was unbearable, so you retreated further into yourself, hoping that maybe shutting everything out would make it hurt less.

It didn’t.

Sarah had tried coaxing you out, knocking softly on your door and calling your name. “We’re worried about you,” she said one day, her voice filled with concern. “Please, just talk to us.”

You didn’t respond, your body curled up under the blankets as you stared at the wall.

Joel wasn’t as patient. He stood outside your door the next time he came by, his voice firmer. “Darlin’, I know you can hear me. I’m not gonna push, but you can’t keep doin’ this to yourself. Open the door. Please.”

But you didn’t.

Joel hated the idea of leaving you alone like this. Sarah could see it in the way his jaw tightened whenever you shut them out. He wasn’t the type to sit back and let things happen, but this was different. You weren’t just shutting the world out—you were shutting him out, and it was killing him.

“She’s not okay, Sarah,” he muttered one evening after they’d left the house again, unsuccessful in getting through to you.

“I know,” Sarah replied, her voice small. “But what can we do? She’s gotta let us in.”

Joel shook his head, running a hand down his face. “I just… I hate seein’ her like this. I just wanna—” He stopped himself, swallowing hard. He couldn’t finish the sentence. He couldn’t say out loud what he really wanted: to hold you, to make everything better, to take away your pain.

But you weren’t letting anyone in, and it left Joel feeling helpless in a way he hadn’t felt in years.

You hadn’t been eating properly or drinking enough water, and it was catching up to you. Your body felt weak, like it was falling apart bit by bit. Your head throbbed constantly, your limbs were heavy, and even getting out of bed felt impossible most days. You didn’t know exactly when you’d let things get this bad, or why you hadn’t tried harder to stop it. Maybe it was just the depression, weighing you down like a lead blanket.

You stared at the wall, the hours bleeding together. You couldn’t even remember the last real meal you’d had, let alone the last time you’d actually felt like yourself. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you knew you should care—about yourself, about everything—but the energy just wasn’t there.

Joel barely crossed your mind. Even though he and Sarah had been coming around, you hadn’t let yourself think about him too much. It was easier that way. The ache in your chest from everything that had happened—the loss, the loneliness, the guilt—it was already too much. Thinking about Joel would just add another layer to the mess.

You rubbed your hands over your face, trying to snap yourself out of it, but the haze of exhaustion and hunger wouldn’t let go. Deep down, you knew you couldn’t keep going like this. Something had to give. You just weren’t sure if you had the strength to do anything about it.

Joel couldn’t stop thinking about you. Every time he came by and found your door locked, every time Sarah came back with another failed attempt to reach you, it ate away at him. He’d thought about breaking down your door more than once, just to make sure you were okay, but he stopped himself every time. He didn’t want to push you further away.

The guilt weighed heavy on him. He couldn’t shake the memory of that day—the look in your eyes when he pulled away, the way your voice broke as you thanked him before leaving. He wondered if rejecting you had been a mistake. Maybe if he’d let you in, been there for you in the way you wanted, things wouldn’t have gotten this bad.

But he also knew that line of thinking wasn’t fair—not to you, and not to himself. It wasn’t just about that moment. You were grieving, trying to hold it all together while your world fell apart, and Joel knew there was only so much anyone could do to pull you out of it.

Still, the thought lingered. What if? What if he’d said something different, done something different? Would you be eating properly? Would you be taking care of yourself? Would you have let him help you before it got this bad?

Joel rubbed his hands over his face, frustration bubbling beneath the surface. He couldn’t keep sitting on the sidelines, watching you waste away. He needed to figure out how to reach you, but he didn’t know how to do it without making things worse.

All he knew was that the thought of losing you, of not being there when you needed him most, was something he couldn’t bear.

•

Sarah had started a new job recently, which kept her busy most of the time. She rarely came by to check on you with Joel anymore, leaving him to shoulder the worry on his own.

Joel noticed the difference immediately. Without Sarah’s presence to balance things out, the silence in your house seemed even heavier when he visited. He still used the spare key to let himself in, hoping each time that maybe this visit would be the one where you finally opened your door.

But you never did.

Joel tried not to let it show, but the absence of Sarah’s help made things harder. She’d always been the optimist, the one to reassure him that you just needed time and space. Now, without her around, the weight of his concern felt even greater.

He caught himself lingering in the living room some days, hoping to hear any sign of you stirring upstairs. When he didn’t, his frustration and helplessness grew. He hated the thought of you being up there, alone, letting yourself waste away.

“Damn it, kid,” he muttered to himself one afternoon, pacing the living room. He ran a hand through his hair, debating once again whether to break down your door. But just like every other time, he held back, telling himself that forcing his way in might only make things worse.

Still, with Sarah gone most of the time, Joel felt more alone in this than ever. And no matter how much he tried to shake the guilt, it kept clawing at him, whispering that maybe—just maybe—he could have stopped this spiral if he’d done something differently.

—

Joel sat on the couch, staring at the muted TV, his thoughts far from whatever was playing on the screen. The house was quiet as always, the silence pressing in on him. He was about to leave, convinced it was another fruitless visit, when he heard the sound of running water upstairs.

His heart skipped.

For a moment, he thought he was imagining it. He stood slowly, listening carefully. When he heard the faint sound of the faucet, his chest tightened. You were up. You were moving.

Joel hesitated, unsure whether to call out or stay where he was. He didn’t want to scare you back into your room. He sank back down onto the couch, trying to calm the sudden wave of relief that rushed through him.

Upstairs, you hadn’t even realized Joel was there. You’d decided, finally, that you couldn’t take the grime and heaviness anymore. A bath sounded like just what you needed to feel somewhat human again. Thinking you were alone, you left the bathroom door open, letting the warm steam drift into the hall.

You sank into the tub, the hot water enveloping you, and for the first time in weeks, your body started to feel a little less like it was falling apart. You leaned back, eyes closed, letting out a long sigh.

Joel didn’t know what to do. He could hear the faint sound of water splashing upstairs, and he felt conflicted. Part of him wanted to go up, to check on you, to make sure you were really okay. But the other part of him knew how fragile this moment was. If you knew he was there, would you shut down again?

So, he stayed put, his leg bouncing with nervous energy as he listened to the faint sounds of life coming from upstairs. It wasn’t much, but it was something. And for now, that was enough.

After your bath, you wrapped yourself in an oversized hoodie, your legs bare beneath it. You didn’t think much about it as you padded downstairs, your hair still damp and sticking to your neck. For the first time in weeks, you felt hungry enough to try making yourself something to eat.

As you descended the stairs, Joel caught sight of you, and his breath hitched. He hadn’t seen you this close in weeks, and the sight of you knocked the air from his lungs. You looked so much thinner than he remembered, your cheeks hollowed and your frame smaller beneath the loose hoodie.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Joel whispered, his voice heavy with worry as he stood and started toward you.

You froze on the bottom step, gripping the railing tightly as his words hung in the air. The raw emotion in his tone—the mix of concern and sadness—hit you like a wave, and for a moment, you didn’t know what to do.

Joel slowed his approach, raising his hands slightly as if to show he wasn’t going to push. “I didn’t mean to scare ya,” he said softly. “I just… I wasn’t expectin’ to see you.”

You looked away, your eyes darting toward the kitchen. “I was just gonna make something to eat,” you mumbled, your voice hoarse from lack of use.

Joel’s heart twisted at how small and fragile you seemed. He wanted to say a million things—to ask if you were okay, to tell you how worried he’d been, to apologize for not doing more sooner—but he held back, not wanting to overwhelm you.

“Let me help,” he said gently, nodding toward the kitchen. “You don’t have to do it alone.”

You hesitated, your fingers tightening around the railing. Part of you wanted to tell him no, to insist you could manage on your own. But another part—the part that felt so worn down and tired—wanted to let him in, just this once.

“Okay,” you whispered, barely audible.

Joel gave you a small, reassuring smile and gestured toward the kitchen. “C’mon. Let’s get you somethin’ to eat.”

As you followed him into the kitchen, you couldn’t help but feel a flicker of warmth in your chest. It wasn’t much, but it was a start.

As you shuffled into the kitchen, Joel’s gaze unintentionally drifted down, and he realized you were only wearing an oversized hoodie. His eyes lingered on your bare legs for a moment too long, the sight catching him off guard.

His cheeks warmed as a faint pink crept over them, and he quickly looked away, clearing his throat. “Uh, you want eggs? I can whip some up real quick,” he said, his voice a little strained as he busied himself at the stove.

You nodded, not noticing his brief lapse, and moved to sit at the table. “Yeah… eggs sound good.”

Joel cracked a few eggs into the pan, his movements a little more deliberate than usual as he tried to distract himself. Get a grip, Joel, he scolded himself. She needed help, not… whatever the hell that was.

The sizzle of the eggs filled the room as he worked, sneaking glances at you from the corner of his eye. You looked so small, sitting there with your hands in your lap, your damp hair sticking to the side of your face. The sight tugged at something deep in his chest, pulling him back to his primary focus—making sure you were okay.

He placed a plate of eggs in front of you a few minutes later, leaning slightly over the table. “Eat up,” he said gently, his voice softening. “You need it.”

You murmured a quiet “thanks” before picking up your fork, and Joel took a seat across from you, keeping his eyes firmly on your face this time. For now, he told himself, it was enough just to be there for you.

As you picked at the eggs Joel had made, you glanced up at him briefly, noticing how tired he looked. His brows were furrowed, and his jaw was tense, though he was trying to mask it. You realized, maybe for the first time, that all of this—your isolation, your grief—might have been weighing on him too.

The thought sent a pang of guilt through you. You hadn’t considered how your downward spiral could be affecting anyone else, let alone Joel. He’d been coming around, checking on you, probably worrying nonstop, and you’d barely acknowledged it.

Your grip tightened on your fork as shame bubbled up inside you. “I’m sorry,” you said suddenly, your voice barely above a whisper.

Joel’s head snapped up, his expression softening as he met your eyes. “What for?”

You shrugged, looking down at your plate. “For… shutting you out. For making you worry. I didn’t mean to…” Your words trailed off, and you swallowed hard, unsure how to finish the sentence.

Joel leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. “Hey,” he said gently, his voice steady and reassuring. “You don’t need to apologize for that. You’ve been through a lot, more than anyone should have to deal with.”

You nodded slightly but didn’t look up, the guilt still gnawing at you.

Joel sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I ain’t gonna lie—it’s been hard seein’ you like this. But I’m not mad, and I don’t want you feelin’ bad for leanin’ on me, alright? That’s what I’m here for.”

His words hit you harder than you expected, and you felt your throat tighten. You nodded again, this time meeting his eyes briefly before looking away.

“Thanks, Joel,” you murmured, and for the first time in weeks, you felt a small, fragile spark of hope that things could get better.

As you glanced up at Joel again, your eyes lingered on him a little longer this time. The feelings you’d been trying to bury for weeks came rushing back, hitting you all at once. Despite the exhaustion etched into his face, the slight dark circles under his eyes, and the way his shoulders seemed heavier than usual, he still looked devastatingly handsome.

His hair was slightly tousled, strands of gray catching the kitchen light just right. The lines on his face only made him look more rugged, more… Joel. And the way he looked at you—with that steady, unshakable concern—made your heart ache in ways you didn’t know how to handle.

You quickly looked down at your plate again, your cheeks warming. You felt ridiculous, sitting there in your oversized hoodie, barely holding yourself together, and yet your mind was consumed with how much you wanted him.

Joel noticed the shift in your demeanor, the way you fidgeted slightly with your fork. “You alright?” he asked, his voice low and laced with concern.

You nodded quickly, not trusting yourself to speak. If he kept looking at you like that—with those warm, tired eyes—you were sure you’d say something you couldn’t take back.

Joel leaned back slightly, still watching you. “You sure?” he pressed gently.

You forced a small smile, nodding again. “Yeah… just tired,” you managed to say, though your voice betrayed the storm of emotions swirling inside you.

Joel seemed to accept it, but his gaze lingered on you for a moment longer before he looked away, his brow furrowing slightly. You couldn’t tell if he was buying your excuse or if he just didn’t want to push you too hard.

Either way, you were relieved—and maybe a little disappointed.

Your foot brushed against his under the table, tentative at first, but then you left it there, resting lightly against his. Joel froze for a moment, his fork stopping halfway to his mouth. He glanced at you with a confused look, his brows furrowing slightly as he tried to read your expression.

You met his gaze innocently, a small, almost playful smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

“What are you doin’, darlin’?” Joel asked, his voice low, carrying both curiosity and caution.

You shrugged slightly, your smile widening just enough to let him know it wasn’t an accident. “Nothing,” you said softly, tilting your head as you watched him.

Joel’s eyes narrowed slightly, not in anger, but in that way he did when he was trying to figure something out. His jaw tightened, and he leaned back in his chair, his foot staying planted firmly on the floor now.

“You shouldn’t… do that,” he said after a moment, his voice quiet but firm, though there was a hint of something unsteady underneath.

“Do what?” you asked, your tone light, almost teasing.

Joel gave you a look that was a mix of exasperation and something else—something deeper, something he was trying desperately to suppress. “You know what,” he muttered, glancing away briefly, like he couldn’t hold your gaze for too long.

You could see the faint pink rising in his cheeks, and it made your heart race. You didn’t push further, but you left your foot resting where it was, feeling a strange sense of satisfaction at how easily you could fluster him.

Joel cleared his throat and picked up his fork again, though his movements were stiffer now. He didn’t look at you as he focused on finishing the meal, but you could tell by the tension in his shoulders that you were on his mind.

You leaned back in the chair, resting a hand on your stomach as you let out a content sigh. “That was great. Thank you,” you said, your voice warm and genuine.

Joel finally looked up at you, his expression softening as a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Glad you liked it, darlin’,” he said, his voice low and steady. “You needed it.”

You nodded, feeling the weight of his words settle over you. It wasn’t just about the food—it was about the fact that he cared enough to make sure you ate, to be here when you hadn’t let anyone else in.

“You didn’t have to do all this, you know,” you said softly, your gaze lingering on him.

Joel shrugged, leaning back in his own chair. “Somebody had to. Can’t have you wasting away on my watch.”

His tone was light, but there was something serious behind his eyes, something that made your chest tighten. You didn’t know how to respond, so you just nodded again, letting the moment hang in the air between you.

Joel stood up after a moment, collecting your plate along with his. “You want anything else? Somethin’ sweet, maybe?” he asked, glancing back at you.

You shook your head. “No, I’m good. Thanks, though.”

He nodded and carried the dishes to the sink, his movements deliberate and steady. You watched him for a moment, feeling that familiar warmth creep into your chest again. Joel always seemed to know how to anchor you, even when you felt like you were drifting.

And then you thought maybe you did want something sweet

“Not unless you’re on the menu”

Joel froze mid-step, your words hitting him like a ton of bricks. His back was to you, but you could see the way his shoulders tensed, his grip tightening slightly on the plates he was holding.

He set them down in the sink carefully, taking a moment before turning around to face you. His eyes met yours, a mixture of surprise and something darker simmering beneath the surface.

“Darlin’,” he said slowly, his voice lower now, almost a warning. “You don’t wanna be sayin’ things like that.”

You tilted your head slightly, the hint of a smirk playing on your lips. “Why not?” you asked, your tone teasing but your heart pounding.

Joel took a step closer, his eyes never leaving yours. “Because you don’t know what you’re askin’ for,” he said, his voice steady but strained, like he was holding something back.

You leaned back in the chair, still meeting his gaze, challenging him. “Maybe I do.”

Joel let out a deep breath, running a hand through his hair as he looked away for a moment, trying to compose himself. “You’re playin’ with fire, sweetheart,” he muttered, shaking his head.

But you could see it in his eyes when he looked back at you—he was tempted, and it was taking everything in him to keep his distance.

Despite the lingering grief and the weight of everything you’d been carrying, there was one thing you couldn’t ignore: you wanted him. It wasn’t just a fleeting thought or a harmless crush—it was a deep, undeniable pull. And as much as Joel tried to keep his composure, you could see it in his eyes, in the way his resolve faltered when he looked at you. Deep down, you knew he wanted you too.

You rose from your chair slowly, your bare feet quiet against the floor as you stepped closer to him. Joel watched you carefully, his jaw tightening, his hands gripping the edge of the counter like it was the only thing keeping him grounded.

“Joel,” you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper, but it was enough to break the silence between you.

His name hung in the air, heavy with meaning. He swallowed hard, his eyes searching yours for a moment before he spoke. “This ain’t right,” he murmured, though his voice lacked the conviction it had before.

You took another step closer, close enough to feel the heat radiating from him. “Maybe not,” you admitted, your voice trembling slightly. “But it feels right.”

Joel’s breathing deepened, his chest rising and falling as he stared at you. “You’re still grieving,” he said, his voice strained. “You’re not thinkin’ straight.”

“I’ve been grieving for weeks,” you countered, your voice steadying. “But this… you… you’re the only thing that’s felt real in a long time.”

Joel closed his eyes briefly, his hands flexing against the counter as if he were fighting some internal battle. When he opened them again, there was something raw in his gaze, something that made your breath catch.

“Darlin’,” he said quietly, his voice thick with emotion, “you have no idea what you’re doin’ to me.”

You stepped even closer, your hand brushing lightly against his arm. “Then show me,” you whispered, your voice daring yet pleading.

Joel’s jaw clenched, his eyes searching yours one last time before he exhaled sharply, his resolve finally breaking.

You stood there, barely an inch away from him, your breath shallow, heart racing. The desire for him flooded you, and in that moment, you knew you needed him. The weight of the grief and the isolation was still there, but it no longer seemed as important. He was right in front of you, his presence undeniable, and you didn't want to back down.

You reached up, your hand gently touching his chest, feeling the warmth of his skin through the fabric of his shirt. Joel's eyes flickered down to your hand, and for a moment, he seemed to lose himself, his breathing becoming heavier. He still tried to hold back, his jaw tightening in restraint.

"I won't stop," you said softly, but with conviction, your voice trembling with the intensity of everything you were feeling. "Not until you're with me."

Joel's gaze snapped back to yours, his lips parting slightly. The tension in the

room was palpable, and for a moment, it felt like the world had narrowed down to just the two of you, the silence hanging heavy as you waited for him to say something-anything.

But instead, he took a slow step closer, his hand coming to rest on your waist. His touch was firm, but the way he looked at you-like he was trying to make a decision he wasn't ready for— made your pulse spike.

"I don't want to hurt you," he murmured, his voice strained. "You don't need this right now."

You met his gaze head-on, refusing to let him retreat any longer. "I need you," you whispered, the words leaving your lips before you could stop them. The admission felt like both a relief and a weight, but you didn't care anymore. You weren't going to back down.

Joel's resolve finally cracked. He closed the distance between you, his hand cupping the back of your neck, pulling you into a kiss that was both desperate and filled with raw, unspoken emotion. It wasn't gentle or soft-it was heated, urgent, like he'd been holding back for far too long.

And you kissed him back, fiercely, knowing that in this moment, you both needed this. Needed each other.

Joel's groan vibrated against your lips as you deepened the kiss, your hands sliding up his chest, feeling the heat of his skin through the fabric of his shirt. The world outside of the kitchen faded away, leaving only the two of you locked in a moment of intense longing. His grip on your neck tightened, pulling you closer as if he couldn't get enough of you.

You responded with equal intensity, matching his urgency, your heart racing as you felt his every movement, every shift of his body against yours.

The kiss grew more feverish, your senses overwhelmed by the taste of him, the warmth of his body, and the undeniable chemistry between you.

Joel's hand slid down your back, pressing you closer to him, his lips trailing to your neck, leaving soft, heated kisses in their wake. He paused

for a moment, his breath heavy, and you could feel the tension in him—the struggle between what he wanted and what he knew was right.

"Darlin"," he breathed against your skin, his voice strained, "this... this can't happen."

But despite his protests, his body betrays him once again. His grip on you tightens, his fingers digging into your skin as he struggles to control himself.

He nips at your neck, his lips and teeth marking your skin in a possessive gesture. "But I want you so badly," he growls, his voice laced with frustration.

The sound of your moan sends a shiver down Joel's spine, his resolve crumbling even further. He lets out a curse, his hands moving to grip your hips, his fingers digging into the flesh.

He lifts you up effortlessly, carrying you over to the couch and laying you down on it. He hovers over you, his body pressed against yours, his breathing ragged.

Joel gazes down at you, his eyes dark with lust and desire. He runs his hands over your body, his touch rough and possessive, as if he's claiming you as his own.

He kisses you hungrily, his tongue delving into your mouth as he devours you. He moves his lips to your neck, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin there, leaving a trail of marks behind.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted this," he growls against your skin. "How many times I've imagined having you like this."

Joel can feel your body trembling beneath him, and he knows that you're just as affected by this as he is. He lifts his head, looking down at you with a mixture of hunger and adoration.

"I've tried to fight it," he confesses, his voice rough with emotion. "Tried to ignore these feelings, to keep my distance. But every time I see you, every time I hear your voice, I lose a little more control."

“Oh Joel, no more talking and just kiss me already” you teased

Joel lets out a low chuckle, his lips curving into a smirk. He loves the way you tease him, the way you challenge him.

"As you wish, darlin'," he replies, his voice dripping with desire.

He captures your lips in a searing kiss, his tongue exploring your mouth with a fierce intensity. He kisses you like a man starved, like he's been waiting his whole life for this moment.

Joel lets out a shuddering breath as you continue to grind against him, the sensation driving him absolutely wild. He can feel himself losing his mind, his control slipping further and further away with each passing moment.

He grits his teeth, trying to hold back his urges, but it's getting harder and harder to resist. He lets out a strained moan, his hips bucking involuntarily to meet yours.

"You're driving me crazy, sweetheart," he growls, his voice low and desperate.

You reach down to fumble with his belt, desperately trying to get it undone and free the thing you wanted the most

Joel watches you with hooded eyes as you struggle with his belt, his breath coming in ragged gasps. He can feel the heat of your hand against him, and it's driving him absolutely insane.

He helps you with the belt, unbuckling it and quickly tossing it aside. He then makes quick work of his jeans, shoving them down his hips along with his boxers.

With his already leaking cock free, Joel grabs both hems of your underwear and slowly but swiftly pulls them down and off exposing your aching cunt

Joel lets out a low, guttural groan as he finally sees you completely bare before him. He can't help but stare for a moment, his eyes drinking in the sight of you.

"God, you're beautiful," he murmurs, his voice rough with desire. "And all mine."

Joel continues to kiss and nip at your thighs, slowly working his way closer to your core. He can feel your body trembling beneath him, your breathing growing heavier with each passing second.

He reaches your center, his breath hot against your skin. He looks up at you, his eyes burning with desire, before he leans in and licks a slow, teasing stripe up your slit.

Joel grins against your skin as he feels you arch your back, your fingers tangling in his hair. He loves the way you respond to his touch, the way your body reacts to his every move.

He continues to tease you with his tongue, lapping at your folds and circling your clit. He knows exactly what drives you wild, and he's not afraid to use that knowledge to his advantage.

Your head was spinning, you almost couldn’t believe that this was really happening, after everything, But one thing you did know, you needed more.

“Joel, please”

Joel can't help but smirk at your pleading tone, the sound of his name on your lips like music to his ears. He loves it when you beg for him, loves the way you surrender to him completely.

He relents, no longer able to resist your pleas. He moves his mouth to your clit, wrapping his lips around it and sucking hard.

Joel lets out a low growl as you tug at his hair, the sharp sensation only fueling his desire for you. He redoubles his efforts, his tongue flicking and swirling around your clit with renewed fervor.

He slides a hand up your thigh, his fingers teasing at your entrance before slowly pushing inside.

“Joel-“ you breathed, you wanted more than just his fingers, you appreciated the foreplay but you’ve already done this to yourself countless of times thinking about him that you wanted him fully..

Joel could sense your growing impatience, and he knew exactly what you wanted. He knew you'd been thinking about him too, and the thought of you touching yourself to the thought of him drove him wild.

He continued to work his fingers inside you, his pace quickening as he sought to bring you to the edge. But he could sense your need for more, and he wasn't going to deny you any longer.

He lifted his head, his lips hovering just above yours as he spoke in a rough whisper.

"Tell me what you want, baby."

“I-I want you, your cock”

Joel's eyes darken with desire at your words, and he can't hold back a low, guttural moan.

"You want my cock, sweetheart?" he asks, his voice low and rough. "You want me to fill you up, make you mine?"

You just nodded hoping he could see, you were done talking

Joel could see the desperation in your eyes, the need etched across your face. He knew you were beyond words now, and he was more than happy to oblige.

He moved quickly, positioning himself between your legs and lining himself up with your entrance. He looked down at you, his gaze burning with desire.

"Hold on tight, baby," he growled. "This is going to be rough."

Trying to physically and mentally prepare yourself for what’s about to come

Joel watches you prepare yourself, his chest heaving with anticipation. He can see the mix of nervousness and excitement in your eyes, and it only fuels his own desire.

He leans down, capturing your lips in a searing kiss as he slowly pushes into you. He groans against your mouth, the feeling of you around him overwhelming his senses.

Finally.

Joel lets out a low, shuddering breath as he fully sheathes himself inside you. The feeling of being buried to the hilt is almost too much for him to handle, and he has to take a moment to compose himself.

He breaks the kiss, resting his forehead against yours as he tries to catch his breath.

"You feel so good, baby," he whispers, his voice rough with pleasure. "So tight and perfect for me."

You clench around him, adjusting to his size

Joel lets out a strangled groan as you clench around him, the sensation almost too much for him to bear.

"Fuck," he curses, his grip on your hips tightening as he tries to maintain some semblance of control. "Do that again, baby. Please."

You continue to do it craving the way Joel is responding to it

Joel's eyes roll back in his head as you continue to clench around him, the sensation sending shockwaves of pleasure through his body. He can't hold back the moans and curses that fall from his lips, his hips instinctively bucking against you.

"You're going to be the death of me," he growls, his voice strained with pleasure. "I can't take much more of this, sweetheart."

Joel starts to move, his thrusts slow and deliberate at first. He savors the feeling of being inside you, the way your body clings to him with each movement.

But his control quickly starts to slip, his need for you overtaking any semblance of restraint he once had. His pace quickens, his thrusts becoming harder and more desperate as he chases his own pleasure.

Your gasping with each thrust as he hits the end of you so deliciously, nails digging into his back as he moves

Joel hisses as your nails dig into his back, the sharp pain only adding to the pleasure he's feeling. He can feel your body trembling beneath him, can hear the gasps and moans falling from your lips with each thrust.

He leans down, burying his face in the crook of your neck as he loses himself in the sensation of being inside you. His hips snap against yours, driving himself deeper and deeper with each thrust.

Joel’s hitting all the right spots and you can feel yourself bubbling closer and closer to the edge

“Fuck- Joel” you stammer “I’m so close”

Joel can feel you getting closer and closer to the edge, your walls clenching around him with each thrust. He can sense your desperation, your body trembling with need.

He lifts his head, his eyes locking onto yours as he drives into you harder and faster.

"That’s it darlin," he growls, his voice rough with desire. "Cum for me”

You reach down to start rubbing your clit, desperate for your release

Joel watches as you reach down to rub your clit, his eyes darkening with desire at the sight. He can't help but groan at the image, the thought of you touching yourself while he's inside you driving him wild.

"That's my girl" he encourages, his hips bucking against yours as he continues to thrust into you. "Rub that clit for me. I want to feel you come undone around my cock."

And so you do. Coming undone completely as your eyes go dark and the sensation sends an electric pulse through your entire body as you tremble, moaning beneath him

Joel watches as you come undone beneath him, your body trembling and your moans echoing through the room. The sight is enough to send him over the edge, his own release crashing over him like a tidal wave.

“Fuck sweetheart, I’m gonna cum” He buries his face in your neck, letting out a strangled groan as he spills himself inside you. His hips continue to jerk against yours, riding out the waves of pleasure until he's spent and panting for breath.

He lays there on top of you for a while before getting up and quickly heads to the bathroom to grab a warm, damp cloth. He wants to take care of you, to clean you up and make sure you're comfortable after what just happened.

He returns to the couch a moment later, gently parting your legs and using the cloth to clean away the mess he’s made in between your legs. His touch is gentle and tender, his eyes soft as he focuses on taking care of you.

Joel slides his underwear back on and lifts you up in his arms, cradling you against his chest as he carries you to your bed. He's always loved how small and fragile you feel in his arms, how you fit against him perfectly.

He lays you down gently on the bed, tucking the blankets around you before climbing in beside you. He pulls you close, wrapping his arms around you and holding you tight against his chest.

Joel held you tightly, his chin resting atop your head as his hand stroked your back in slow, soothing circles. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat against your ear grounded you, and for the first time in weeks, you felt like you could breathe.

You cuddled into Joel, burying your face against his chest as his warmth surrounded you. His scent—faintly of soap, coffee, and something distinctly him—was soothing, grounding you in a way you hadn’t felt in what seemed like forever.

His arms tightened around you protectively, and you felt the steady rise and fall of his chest with every breath he took. It was calming, like a silent reassurance that everything was okay.

You let out a quiet sigh, allowing yourself to melt into him. Joel’s hand moved to rest gently on your back, his touch slow and deliberate, as though he wanted to remind you he wasn’t going anywhere.

a/n: soo that happened 🥴 I couldn’t wait any longer to get the show on the road lmao

#joel miller #joel miller angst #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller game #joel miller show #the last of us #joel miller pedro pascal #tlou fanfiction #joel x female reader #joel miller sad #joel miller smut #pedro pascal smut

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seresinhangmanjake · 10 months ago

Text

The One I Want: Part 14

Jake "Hangman" Seresin x plus size!reader

Summary: You’re new in town and some guy named Jake is about to be your roommate. Being skeptical of new people keeps you lonely and uninterested in any entanglements, but Jake is desperate to change that.

Notes/Warnings: cursing, emotional stuff and vulnerability, fluff, angst, typos for sure, inaccurate navy stuff

Words: 2547

The One I Want Masterlist

You’re lying on the bed, facing away from the door when Jake returns to the room. He says nothing as he slips under the covers and wraps his arm around your waist, scooting himself close so your back is to his chest. He’s gentle—cautious in his movements—and you know he thinks you’re still asleep.

His hand slides over the curve of your stomach and under your t-shirt, caressing soft skin as if intending to savor the feel of you, to burn into his mind what it’s like to have you in his arms. You do the same. You want to remember being completely engulfed by him.

He kisses your bare shoulder.

“Did Millie leave?” you ask.

Jake's body stiffens behind you like the life has been sucked out of him. The expanding of his chest from his inhales and exhales has paused. His fingers don’t so much as twitch against your stomach.

He lightly clears his throat and his breath flutters the wispy hairs by your ear. “Did…did you hear us?”

“A little,” you admit, but not prepared to delve into the core of what you’d heard, you ask a safer question. “How is she this morning?”

“She’s ok.”

Jake removes his hand from your shirt to tuck those wayward hairs behind your ear, then he trails his hand back down your body. The brush of his fingertips from your neck to your shoulder and arm sprouts gooseflesh that he smoothes in some special spots by rubbing his thumb in small circles.

Pulling you as close as your bodies will allow, Jake continues. “I asked her over to talk while Rooster went to get something for her on base. He just picked her back up.”

“Base? What would he have for her there?” Another safe question. You like the safe questions much more than the ones awaiting you.

Jake’s chuckle is mostly a puff of air through his nose. “There’s been a ring in his locker for a month,” he tells you. “He’s marrying her. Assuming she says yes, that is.”

You almost snort. Millie will say yes before Rooster has the entire ask out of his mouth. Carried by the ocean, her squeal will echo across every inch of the town, and you can imagine the entire event as if right by their side.

She will throw herself into his arms, which will knock him onto his back. He will chuckle as he ignores the ache that the fall inflicts on his joints because holding her is more important. She will kiss him. He won’t let her stop. The ring will be neglected for many hours, but eventually, it will make its way onto her finger. And that is exactly what you want for the couple who proved to you a love so powerful and fulfilling exists.

“She will,” you say.

“Yea…” Jake agrees, “She will.”

The corners of your lips tick upward in a hint of a smile, but after a handful of seconds, the smile falls. Not because of Millie and Rooster—that can be said with every ounce of honesty in your heart. But in your attempt to continue appreciating your friends’ future happiness, you find a sudden overwhelming selfishness. You become incapable of dedicating your thoughts to anything other than the fact that what you feel right now—this moment where every bit of Jake’s body and presence and soul encompasses you—is about to be ripped right out of your hands.

You don’t want to be a brat. You don’t want to cross your arms, stick up your nose, and stomp your foot in defiance like a child. But, fuck, you just got him. You just got him and it’s not fair. Nothing about Jake leaving speaks to the promise of any higher power’s ability to balance out the pain you’ve experienced with the pleasure and joy that has found you over the past few months. You are about to stop receiving what you’ve come to accept you deserve after the hell that was your life before Jake and the world he introduced.

Had what you heard been said differently, you might not feel this strongly about him leaving. Were Jake and Millie’s words lighter, you might be able to believe that this separation will not last, that Jake will come home, and what is happening between you and him will simply pause for a couple of months before it resumes. But their tone suggested an unbearable alternative.

You flip over so you can look him in the eyes and instantly see that he’s feeling what you feel. You don’t have to tiptoe around the deployment now. He knows you heard enough.

“Will you tell me about it?” you ask.

“What do you want to know?”

Everything, you don’t say. Every detail, every move, every risk, every likelihood, every expectation you’re allowed to have. You want to know where he will be and when; when he will go and return. You think the more you know, the less you will worry. But Jake can’t give you that much. So you don’t ask for it.

Instead, you say, “Are you scared?” because maybe if he’s not scared, then you shouldn’t be, either.

“You know me, beautiful. I'm the best,” he says, but you can hear the uncertainty that weakens his voice. He doesn’t answer your question like you want him to. “But it's…different. We've been training hard for months. They've done everything they can to prepare us.”

“Is it enough?”

“It’s as much as they could do.”

You blink away the threat of tears and sniff away the tingling in your nose, but it’s hard to do as you try to accept that information. As much as they could do is not enough for you.

“You’re not good at being reassuring,” you inform him.

Jake sighs into a sad smile. His eyes briefly drift, but when he locks your gazes again, a rich, thick vulnerability fills the space between you. “In this case, I don’t know how,” he says. “I’ve never had to explain this to someone I care about the way I care about you.”

You pause mid-breath and there’s a swelling to your throat that seems to squeeze the rest of that breath right out of you. Once again, you’re selfish, not considering what all of this means for Jake. He’s the one leaving his home, risking his life, and with everything you’ve gathered from Millie’s words and his own, nothing about this will be simple or can compare to what they’ve faced in quite some time.

“It’s…different,” he told you; “...especially this time,” Millie had said.

This deployment—this mission—will be no in-and-out quick trip, no there-and-back, no ‘I’ll be home for dinner, honey’ for the Daggers. ‘The best of the best’ might not hold as much weight this time, and quelling your worries should not be occupying space on Jake’s plate.

“Normally, I only have to think about myself and my team,” he continues, falling onto his back and layering his hands over his abdomen to stare at the ceiling. “Now I think about you. I’m doing the last thing I wanted to do—leaving you here—and yet, when I go, you’re still coming with me. You’re going to be on that ship, in my bunk, in my jet…”

Lifting onto your forearms, you inch closer until your face is surely within his peripherals. His eyes meet yours and one of those layered hands reaches to cup your cheek. Fingers slide through your hair to the ends of the strands and he gathers a few between his thumb and index finger. They carefully twist the section of hair back and forth, then he curls it around his finger. Another part of you he’s hoping to permanently remember.

“You’ll be all around me at all times, beautiful,” he says. “And that, I’m unprepared for.”

While sweet in delivery, you realize what he’s telling you are words not coming from a man happy to have someone in his heart, but from a man tormented. It’s why his smile isn’t full and his eyes contain only a fraction of their common light. Jake is a man unable to reassure you of anything because with you came change, and change is a wrench in what is otherwise a consistently stable practice in his life and career.

“Unprepared for…” leaves your mouth slowly as you finish processing what that really means. “As in, I’ll be a distraction.”

His hand drops, back to layering over the other. His stare returns to the ceiling. “I’m good at my job.”

“I know that, but are you going to be able to focus if I am in your head all the time?” When he doesn’t answer, you feel your nerves start to wiggle under your skin, blood rushing at an unnatural pace. “Don’t think about me when you’re there.”

His soft smile does nothing but throw the rest of your body into panic. “I like thinking about you.”

“I don’t care if you like thinking about me. I care about you coming home.”

Pushing the covers off your body, you stand, evading Jake’s effort to pull you back to his side. You bite down on your nail hard enough for it to give way under the pressure.

He’s sitting up, feet to the ground when you turn to face him, and you take a few steps from the bed, hoping he won’t follow so the fear that pulses around you doesn’t infect him.

“Beautiful…” he sighs with an energy that irritates you. While tinted with melancholy, it’s too calm and gentle and plush, like he has all the time in the world to lay back and ponder the future when that could very well be untrue.

You rip your nail from the trap of your teeth. “Do not think about me if you can’t do what you need to do at the same time.”

“I can guarantee you’ll be in my head no matter what, so if we’re making demands, that one’s off the table.”

“It shouldn’t be if it means you’ll spend all of your time worrying about me!” you shout. “Tell me that’s not going to happen!”

Jake gives you a long look. Then his head falls forward and he runs his hand down his face. “I’m doing my best to keep my head where it needs to be.”

“And you’re failing?”

“I’ll figure it out,” he tells you, meeting your gaze. “It’ll be ok.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Jake stands then, sharp in the movement, and you take another step back. “What do you want me to do, beautiful?” he just short of snaps. His hand presses into his chest. “I have to leave you behind for months. I’m leaving you to loneliness and a silent apartment, to Brit, for fuck’s sake. I’m leaving you and I’m terrified that as time goes on you’ll start to question things. Like whether or not you’re a burden or a waste of space. Like whether or not you’re loved. And–”

“You’re afraid I won't be here when you come back.”

His shoulders release their tension. “Can you blame me?”

No, you think; you can’t. It has not been long enough to lock that security into place, and it wouldn’t be right to shame him for lacking full confidence. You know Jake has faith in you. You know it’s not your ability to wait for him he questions, but instead, how healed you are to not be influenced to disappear from his life if he’s not there to remind you why you matter.

While you’ve done your best to prove your commitment, your best is also new for you. Only recently have you been able to promise yourself that you’re making the right decisions for your happiness, and that one of those decisions is Jake. To expect him to be further along than you is unfair. He may be your hero, but he’s not invincible. He’s not immune to his thoughts running away with him any more than you once were. So no, you can’t blame him. Not for this.

You close the distance between you, grabbing his hands with yours to weave fingers. “Jake, I can’t be the thing that takes up so much of your mental energy you have none left to protect yourself. If something happens to you…” You shake your head, not willing to finish the thought. “Use me in a different way. Instead of worrying, turn me into the reason you come home because of everything we can have when this is over.”

He takes a moment to let the suggestion sink in, and you let him, because you need him to understand the depth of what you are offering. Not only are you swearing to stay, but you’re beginning to paint the picture of the future he has been unsure exists. It’s the future you want, but he must meet you halfway. You’ll be here for him as long as he does everything within his power to return home for you.

“I'm going to be here, Jake,” you say, unweaving fingers to wrap your arms around his neck. “So please don't let something like that distract you. Keep your focus on what you have to do and then come back to me.”

—

Three weeks pass in a flash. Three weeks full of sex and kisses and laughter and a million conversations about everything you plan to do when you’re together again. You don’t entertain other possibilities.

Neither do you see your friends. Millie called to shriek over the new ring on her finger, but that was it. Each pilot has people of their own to share their time with, so they don’t waste a second of it. They hold on to every precious moment down to the last kiss and hug and touch of hands before time is up and they have to walk away to board a ship.

Though she tries not to, Millie cries new tears to replace the ones Rooster kissed away. You keep yours locked inside so Jake doesn’t worry as he kisses you goodbye. The two join the rest of their team, glancing over their shoulders multiple times to get final looks at you and Millie before they’re gone.

Your friend doesn’t watch them leave. She can’t is what she tells you. It’s too hard for her to see them disappear. But she waits for you in Rooster’s truck as you stay behind a little longer.

Even though Jake is not within sight, you know he’s there, and so you keep your eyes on the ship while it begins to depart. Your gaze is unwavering until your phone begins to ring in your pocket.

Your brow furrows in confusion. With the exception of one, everyone you know is on that ship and you’re sure they aren’t allowed to have phones, but you answer without a second thought.

“Jake?”

“I love you,” he says. “It’s important to me that you know that.”

You can’t breathe. Your eyes dart back to the ship, expecting to see him, but it’s too far gone and you can only make out silhouettes. “Jake–”

“I’ll see you soon, beautiful.”

And then he hangs up.

You dial back but it goes to voicemail. As do your next five attempts.

---

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