#it ever slips away

[katyspersonal]

To be honest, I've had a very difficult day

Something that happened in the morning, that at first seemed minor, was a fatal crack in a metaphorical dam that has been containing a lot behind it, and it flushed all in. So much repressed pain, that has just began to subdue and heal. All while I had to work with customers for 10 hours, when I really really really just needed to crawl under blanket to listen to the sad music and process all this.... Neglected, held back pain just made me uncharacteristically snappy with customers, like, every second one. I didn't mean to, but I swear, paranoia reduces me to something primal. Something animalistic. I almost forgot what it was like, to lose autonomy over my words and actions, because I feel like a wounded and bleeding stray animal and I just. Want. To be left ALONE. And I CAN'T be. Bleeding? No, it is venom. But a kind that doesn't leave me the more it spills through the open wound. On the contrary, the more it spills, the worse it festers.. or so I thought, until I've finally got to talk about it and cry in a VC with my bestie.

I was really disgusted with myself today. You guys DON'T want to know what it's like, to be puppeteed by something primal, something animalistic, while you can still feel guilt for it. After a particularly selfish and snappy exchange, when that customer left and I did get my couple of minutes alone, I cried. Because I am an awful human being and can't get a grip. I sound like I've been completely lucid all day about my mental state, but, no. I didn't even realize what was hurting me, why rage of wounded animal was burning so. Until I cried in a VC, and finally understood that one small insight put too much into perspective by effect. And I just.. really don't want to go to work tomorrow. I should not be near people when I can't calm down. But it is three more days of work, and I just want to be alone.. just a little while.

I've started to heal, I've started to genuinely like BB again in the way it used to be rather than like my wound, it started to get to me how much time has passed. As if the five that have harmed and traumatized me were never there, and should be buried as bad memories that they are. Even if justice fell only on one of them, even if the other four will simply get away with everything and walk their merry way without as much as questioning the abhorrence and inhumanity of their actions. The day of justice will never come.. but it is okay, if I am allowed to forget and do my stuff. If I just scream and cry for as much as I need, but I've noticed no one has been listening anymore...? The reactions to my vents stopped, and that meant stalking stopped. Therefore, I was safe. The venom stream has been thinning, sure, it is slowly becoming a blood once more? And had no choice but to.. heal and move on? Or so I thought.

It is a recent. Those cultish witch hunting freaks, and the mindless sheep that flocks around them, still have intent to harm me, after all. At least one of them does, but I suspect more. Only, they've found more discreet ways to do it, but not acknowledging me as a human being with my own feelings and history remains. Very ironically that they forced the narrative of me being the one not treating them as human beings, just because I disagreed with their politics of throwing the one whose "humanity ran wild" away. One who was one just like them but betrayed and turned to agree with hateful narrative that his identity was sin, but they could never see past the exterior. All they took out of him was a waste product to cleanse off the humanity, and I was a waste by association, and so were my friends by association. Only, today's one was a recent, and I know exactly what it is. The same treatment made me abandon K1rby (precious special, no, defining interest). I remember the nightmare I've had when I decided it. I was gifted a sword by a character from my intermediate hyperfixation between K1rby and before Soulsb0rne, and then went into the tiniest space ship to drift in the open space aimlessly. I saw small colorful planets getting swallowed by ice and darkness one by one, until nothing was left - the stories I never got to tell, the art project unfinished, the bonds broken. I woke up with a sense of new hope, yet I promised that I'll never let the same end of things happen by anyone else's hand. Be they justified like there, be they malicious like here. And that promise to self ensured I am still here, with regular From lore posts and discussions despite everything. I promised to not make the same mistake twice, and I didn't, and I won't.

But I know I'll never find peace and healing either, because the consequences of witch hunt yet persist, even subtle and even not so frequent. I must never forget my hatred for the fandom, and it was foolish to start to lower my guard. I'll never escape, but I can be safe in a different way yet. Hold onto this dread and anger. Let it burn brighter, let the venom sprout stronger, whatever form the feeling takes but pain is the only thing to never betray me so it might as well become my power. Carve the four remaining names in the inner side of my skull and never forget what happened, because it sure can't forget me. If there is a true reason to fear me, not fabricated one, then may they fear to pass my name around like some sort of superstition... so, please, can my pain finally sprout in it's true form and swallow me... already...? I want to make something dark, something bad within my own at last, I just don't know how. So it always only gnaws at me, and I can never make the curse my own nature. I say that I can and will, but I never learn, and the wounded animal is gnawing on me, and I can't become this animal. Can the venom become my very blood? I'll sure become safe for multiple reasons. I am tired and the day when the part of me that can yet be healthy and hopeful is eaten by the beast, can't come soon enough

[aesthetic-uni]

Miles “Who’s Morales” vs Gwen “Gwwwwanda” vs Pavtir “You seem like a nice young woman I do not know” FIGHT

[mobius-m-mobius]

--Anaïs Nin, from "The Voice"

Loki S2 Anniversary x Episode 6 - “Glorious Purpose”

[just-more-pr0mts]

Danny has a knife that if u slash the air it opens a portal to the ghost zone.

But in his exhausted state, he slashes the knife in the air while babbling on about how he wishes there were easier ways to deal with his rouges. Accidentally causing his magical knife to slashes open a portal to a different dimension.

____________

The justice league were at a loss... there was a small floating kid who fell through a portal on their main table, who was currently screaming something about furries?

____________

Danny: .....

JL: .......

Danny: is that....a furrie?

JL: .....

Danny: ....Sam was right

[kit-screams-into-the-future]

wanted to try my hand at a fake screenshot thing with a scene from one of the bttf fics of all time, Time Is a Flat Circle by @fourth-dimensional-thinker! i set in to draw only the "little canary" line but. as you can tell. my hand slipped and fell down a 6 story building

if you haven't read it already please check it out PLEASEEE it's very good. i read the whole thing in basically one sitting. the vibes are perfect for the spooky season too!

versions without the filter/subtitles under the cut:

[feedingicetothedog]

thinking about the "too old to play hamlet, too young to play polonius" line and relating that to lestat in this new timeline where he's in his mid 30s when he gets out to paris to finally start his life. too old to be lelio the lover, have to settle for being harlequin the clown

[hesagoodone]

The permanence and flexibility of fiction is so amazing to me. In the BBC Sherlock universe, that I'm deeply invested in, time has flown. Rosie is growing up, the boys are ageing, and Mrs Hudson has, in all probability, passed on. (Can't imagine them replacing dear Una if they ever come back.) Crime-solving days, if not over, must be completely altered. The running around and odd hours and danger-addiction and strange experiments and giggling at crime scenes.. must all be slipping away. They are no longer boys, being fussed over by an equal parts charming and badass not-housekeeper (read: mother), but grown-ups expected to be fussing over a young child. It's a beautiful thing on its own, but its also bittersweet.

Just when this is happening though, there's another universe born. There's Sherlock&Co to look forward to, where Sherlock and John (and the amazing Mariana) are all young again, solving crimes, giggling inappropriately, and running around London at all sorts of hours. It's a breath of fresh air, a do-over, a wheel-of-time reversed. Of course, they're not the same characters... but in a way, they also are. At least I can imagine they are, and that they've been given a second chance at life. In a way, perhaps, Holmes and Watson have been getting innumerable such chances since Doyle first created them. :')

I find it both deeply comforting and at times, (childishly) unsettling. For it is a privilege fictional characters get to have and we never would.

(It's mostly a comfort, though. Especially because dear old Sherlock gets to have that second chance, over and over again. And I do adore him so! <3)

[vaguely-concerned]

there's this... idea/concept that keeps swirling around in my head of rook going down lethally injured in combat. and spite and lucanis as one voice going 'no. nope. nah. quite simply nuh-uh' but like on a level that reverberates through the real world and the fade because of their soul Situation, so when they wrap rook up in wings and arms and cradle them against them to just -- hold rook's soul in place in their body until emmrich can arrive with the emergency spirit healing of all time to anchor them safely back in the world of the living without the need for spite life support... it actually somehow works, and they're safe and awake and still breathing against lucanis' chest by the end of it all.

it's definitely a one-time trick lucanis has no fucking clue how he even pulled off afterwards, once the 'I can see the weave of the world' flow state has faded, and no one has any good explanation for how it could even be possible, outside of the fact that no spirit and person have ever been so completely and cleanly unified to one purpose before lol. but with rook still walking about safe and sound and already cracking bad jokes, i don't think anyone would particularly care

[xxplastic-cubexx]

the way you draw mcavoy charles actually drives me insane he looksbSO CUTE. SO INCREDIBLY CUTE. you capture his cuteness so well that’s literally charles xavier

I thank you my friend im very much a fan of drawing professional disney prince charles xavier from time to time ….

[telesodalite]

Hey, uh? Any scavengers fans wanna share their fav headcanons?

[spitblaze]

I wish there was a like, socially acceptable way to say “listen I don’t disagree with the way you’ve phrased this post and I think you’ve made some good points but more then anything you sound so fucking sad in a way that can’t be good for influencing the way you understand these current events do you need smth”

Yeah like. Boy the amount of stuff I have seen over the past year that I can really only describe as 'transgender blackpill' is deeply concerning

[supernowa-art]

zoro arrived at egghead and said "let me just look so fucking cool real quick" and i respect that

[sskk-manifesto]

--

[freepassbound]

After some delay, a pictorial essay on my overnighter:

This was much harder hiking than I'd anticipated 😅 - even the wooded areas were at best packed sand.

And of course this was no picnic either - 303 steps - but... better than climbing loose sand, I guess? 😅

It did have this bit of cuteness at one of the frequent rest bench areas (for which I was supremely grateful).

And of course the view was spectacular.

Though not as spectacular as the sunset!

Going for the glamour technique shot on the morning hike of Day 2.

And the pièce de résistance - the vista view of a Great Lake.

Finally, here it is - your moment of Zen.

[leviathanmirror]

Rolling around why the Lucanis ace discourse (save me) is leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

It's the "he needs to confess to his crimes admit his identity for it to be valid."

Peak ace experience. How can they call you broken if you don't confess to it first?

The bottom line is there is no way to insist on a confession of his identity without it also becoming "I want the option to reject him for being asexual."

The only difference it makes in his romance is when he begins to feel sexual attraction. I guess some people feel attraction is only valid if it's all consuming lust from the first second.

[theinsterminators]

"surely this will remedy itself on its own," i say, ignoring a problem of my own doing