#it doesnt matter if they canonically have a lot of sex

[rosyrubi15]

Help I keep making all my OCs asexual

[suffarustuffaru]

Scrolling through your blog is such a fun experience, you bring an absolutely great vibe to this fandom and I love it SO MUCH. Could even say you restored my hope in it, since there has been some aspects that made me force myself to leave it, and I hope me bringing one of them up here won't upset anyone.

Now I completely understand if you wish to not answer my ask, but I figured it's worth a shot. So, one of said aspects was a controversy regarding one of the rezero characters that made me feel like you can't mention them without being called names (mostly on tiktok, but other social media also, tho not as much).

Yeah I'm talking about Felix. I'm not transphobic by any means, and I'm fine with people headcannoning whatever they want, but seeing thousands of people calling others transphobic for calling Felix a 'he' made me so unsafe I forced myself to look for other interest. Which is funny since most of the people saying this weren't even part of the fandom. I was wondering if anyone else here had similar situations and just.. how do you deal with it? It seems silly, I know, but feeling like I can't speak about a rather important character from a media I love made me so upset.

No matter how much I tried explaining it, they either dismiss it or say Tappei made him a trans girl without knowing.

Now, if you do decide to answer this and say that Felix indeed may have been 'trans coded' a little bit (Did I used that term correcly? Idk) I'll understand (hell, I would probably agree, you character analysis are great), I'm just upset at the absolute lack of respect for any other way of referring to Felix other then she/her.

(Also in case people don't know, their proof of Felix being a trans girl is the scene from EX1, with the whole calling himself a girl in front of a mirror thing)

Sorry for this is being long and probably messy I just had to get this off my chest.. also I hope I didn't came of as offensive in any way, if I did I'm really sorry.

hi there anon! first of all - aw thank you for your compliments about me and my blog. im super passionate about rezero (though thats probably super clear to anyone whos seen any content i make for a while aljsdlkf) and well. ive been lurking about in this fandom since summer 2020 so i definitely understand having to leave/distance yourself from this fandom because outside of tumblr, the rezero fandom is kind of . well. to put it simply, theres a lot of metaphorical landmines unfortunately!! T^T and admittedly i wouldve left this fandom a lot sooner if i didnt stick to my own corner and curate spaces with other people who were super chill (like lots of people lurking about here on tumblr + rz tumblr in general!!). so i totally understand how you feel anon (and youre not silly for being upset, i promise!), though admittedly im not super super familiar with some rezero spaces (such as rz twitter) bc i 1. dont speak japanese and 2. i try very hard to avoid the negativity whenever possible!! T^T

and also i apologize for taking a while to answer your ask!! you're one of my older asks that kinda got lost in my drafts hah but i also just wanted to like. take extra care with your ask bc its a super important topic. like not just to me (though its definitely important to me) but its important in general. and i really like felix so. <3

a quick disclaimer is that i myself am not transfem. i am however afab and most likely genderqueer!! (im winging it as i go hah.) felix is also not a character id say im as well-versed in yet, but i do like felix a lot and ex1 changed my entire brain chemistry. and ill also be defaulting to he/him pronouns in this post because thats what he uses in canon.

felix is - at the end of the day - a fictional character, and tappei is a cis man who doesnt Entirely write characters like felix through a queer lens. arguably tappei is Self-Aware when he writes characters who are into other characters of the same sex (though the Representation is arguably a little bit questionable at times depending on how you look at it), but when it comes to characters like felix or subaru who have some Gender Stuff going on, it's more nebulous there. i dont know if tappei 100% realizes he's made characters that could be read as Trans/Genderqueer (emphasis on "read as", because i support different interpretations of these characters), but tappei Definitely Is Very Aware that gender and gender presentation and gender roles are super important when it comes to characters like felix, subaru, and crusch.

i think tappeis own perceptions of gender and gender roles do bleed a bit into the text as much as tappei is pretty purposeful with themes surrounding gender in rezero, but rezero itself still has all sorts of identity issues to explore with a lot of its characters and gender is a big part of that!!

so first and foremost im gonna be examining felix the best i can Purely Off Of The Canon Text, though i do like viewing rezero from a queer lens myself (and it is arguably very queer). im gonna talk first about felix and then ill move onto talking about my personal feelings on rezero fandom stuff :o !!

so felix's relationship with his gender is complicated and he Absolutely does not fit into traditional gender roles or gender presentation right now. these are undeniable. and if people headcanon felix as transfem thats totally understandable and valid!! but to say a headcanon is 100% canon and that other interpretations of a character as complex as felix are invalid isnt exactly it. for sure. i mean i myself interpret him as nonbinary haah. but felix's relationship with gender is so so so So complicated that i dont think you could just say hes transfem and then Not Elaborate More.

but regardless of how Exactly you label felix, i think you could possibly say that hes trans coded. tappei, even if he probably doesnt entirely know hes made pretty genderqueer characters, is Aware and Purposeful of how gender affects felix and his perception of himself and his identity and other peoples perception of him and this is brought up Over and Over Again in canon—felix’s gender identity, at the moment, aligns more with femininity in his presentation in every way, though he still perceives himself as masculine. felix’s case is complicated, and while im not entirely sure on this i think you could argue that hes trans coded—“coding” suggests a level of intent when making these characters, and i think that intent is present in some way with tappei. because tappei Knows just how important gender is with felix’s character and you can tell with how often and how Integral it is to felix’s entire character.

(more under the cut) (i do have a habit of being rambley/wordy sometimes if. if you couldnt tell already. but i hope this response is up to your standards!!)

these three analysis posts on felix's relationship with gender have all discussed this topic in-depth before i have, and i 1. really like the rezero content i see from all three of these people and 2. they All have slightly different takes based on the canon we have but also some similar points. because felix is complicated!! of course our takes are probably gonna be a bit different - he's a multifaceted character with such a complex relationship with his gender that it's hard to tell what every single one of his personal feelings on it is (especially when at the moment he hasnt appeared in the main story since arc 5 and he still has a Lot of character development to do). and of course fiction is fiction, we can all take away any sort of meaning from a story like this.

but you know. this is my post so im gonna try to analyze felix right now and say my two cents on what i think of his relationship with gender.

so im gonna try not to retread too much on what liquidstar, sufferu, and gourmet of gluttony have already said about felix (and i think theyre all very smart people with interesting analysis posts and theyve all explained their thoughts pretty well) and instead add on with my own thoughts - theres this felix excerpt from arc 4 wn that i think about sometimes. im gonna put it down here!!

and also important to note—like other people have mentioned, crusch and felix made a “deal” of sorts in the past where crusch takes on felix’s masculinity and felix takes on crusch’s femininity. and also like other people have said—and i myself have said in the past—i do have some mixed feelings on this wkdndn and as i said before also i do wish tappeis feelings on gender bled a little less when theyre Not Integral To The Story. bc i dont think tappei 100% knows hes made trans coded characters, but. anyway yeah so thats the whole deal with crusch felix. and in its own right i think it has So Many Interesting Implications!!

i think when it comes down to it, gender presentation IS a bit of a performance, isn't it? like i love to wear dressses and skirts and i love to keep my hair short and wear suits, but you know - these sorts of things tend to be gendered. our gender is often perceived through how we present ourselves, but in recent years gender roles being attached to clothing has gotten a bit less Rigid. but these rigid roles associated with presentation are even more dialed up to Eleven in a medieval world like the rezero fantasy world. and i dont use the word "performance" in a negative way -

what i mean is that when it comes to felix's character, does felix think he's a boy because that's what he's been told? does he think he's a boy because he TRULY sees himself that way, or does he THINK he has to see himself as one? does felix try to present and perform femininity, ie as or like a traditionally feminine girl, purely ONLY for crusch's sake, or is it because felix ALSO WANTS to? what does felix think of gender outside of crusch? who is felix outside of crusch? who is felix outside of tying his entire personality to other people? does felix’s femininity show the “radiance of ferris’ soul” bc of the deal he made with crusch or bc this truly is felix’s soul? these are like the big questions behind his entire character and character arc that would determine in the end how felix identifies in both his gender and In General.

so what is felix's identity at the moment? bc right now, felix is stuck between his feminine self, tied to crusch, a symbol of crusch, tied to his own reliance on crusch and worship of her—and his masculine self, someone broken off from crusch. felix is tied to crusch right now to worrying extents with his obsessive devotion to the point of changing himself to mold into her image, and beyond that, hes still tied to guilt surrounding fourier’s death. gourmet of gluttony puts all of this way way more intelligently than i ever could, but at the end of the day, i think the best narrative decision here would be for felix to accept himself in ALL of his entirety.

healing in rezero is noted to be a kind power, specifically by fourier and fourier saying this right to felix when hes the most talented healer in lugunica, and healing itself is often stereotypically feminine activity. knighthood is stereotypically masculine, and on top of all this, we see in ex1 that biehn argyle twists the power of healing into something grotesque—trying to bring back the dead and revive what cant be revived, which is once again another reoccurring theme in rezero.

how far can “from zero” go? what HAS to stay dead and what can be revived? who is allowed to live? HOW do you live freely? felix is someone born from a horribly abusive and neglectful family who twisted healing magic’s kindness into cruelty, felix is someone who was taken into a family that showed him kindness and now hes desperate to pay them back with everything he has and everything he is, felix is a healer who lashes out when hes cornered and a healer who treasures life and a knight who cant physically fight like the others, felix is someone stuck with the horrible knowledge that he cant save everyone—that some things just Couldnt end better no matter how much he wished for it to.

felix is stuck between all kinds of worlds, and in terms of gender, hes quite literally still stuck between boyhood and manhood in the biological sense—hes purposefully made it so that he hasnt hit puberty yet so he can better pass as feminine. he hasnt Physically Grown past puberty—which is the mark of becoming an adult. and he hates himself in a number of ways, but he also hates himself for failing to be traditionally masculine. his abusive family stole ten years of his life and the torture left him physically weaker, so he cant be strong physically, which is something associated with traditional masculinity. felix is the best healer, a traditionally feminine job and skill, but he cant save everyone. felix becomes more feminine as part of his deal with crusch, but while crusch accepts her femininity and masculinity readily, and while crusch’s memory is erased by gluttony—felix is left behind, alone, still holding onto femininity while not entirely being able to hold onto it while he also cant entirely hold onto the traditional masculinity he expects out of himself. and with arc 3 on, felix feels hes failed both fourier and crusch. the two most important male and female figures in his life.

felix is basically stuck in this liminal space where hes not Enough for himself in literally every direction, and the only way out is to accept every part of himself and move forward by trying to define who he is without other people—his birth family and his found family dont define him. they can shape him, sure, but he has to stop shaping himself to meet them and figure out how to let himself just. Be. and take up a space thats firmly his. from a queer lens, this kind of thing is pretty queer—because to stop being in between worlds, you have to accept everything instead of splitting yourself into halves over and over again. killing or maiming yourself or parts of yourself is no way to live, and felix is Life itself.

and i think regardless of the Exact Labels you could give felix, i think his arc—which is perfectly in line with all of rezeros themes—is inherently about self acceptance and the bridging of the gap and combination of femininity and masculinity. felix is both and identifies, in one way or another, with both, similar to how he loves someone who identifies with both (crusch) and just as hes loved her and fourier. imo it wouldnt be right for felix to choose one or the other in terms of feminine vs masculine—he needs to be the one learning and navigating his honest feelings on both sides bc i think he Yearns to be both. hes a boy who dresses like a girl and its up to him to know if he wants to be a man and/or a woman due to his own internal desire or if parts of that is Only due to external pressures.

--

and alright now that ive said all my thoughts on felix atm im gonna address the other questions you had in your ask!! note that this is just my opinions and thoughts regarding my own experience in the english fandom, you dont have to agree or anything 👍

but i AM very sorry about your negative experiences in this fandom. T^T people calling other transphobic for using he/him for felix (and also people being transphobic about characters like felix or subaru/natsumi in general) is something ive seen as well. the rezero fandom is sadly very often toxic and Bigoted in a lot of ways (with the exception of rezero tumblr and certain segments of rezero ao3, from what ive seen), which is Ironic for a story thats so clearly about love and self-acceptance, which is also ironic because arguably tappei and otsuka and the rezero marketing team (i Love the female characters in rezero but theres just so much sexualized or vaguely sexist merch/moments that dont add to the story, you know? kind of just. misses the point of their characters sometimes.) sort of contribute to it a little bit as much as tappei does do some really great things with his writing.

rezero is the first fandom ive been active in but its definitely not the first ive ever been in, and ive been in some insane fandoms before. like i said earlier though, i think i just cope by curating my experience to what i like, yknow? liking posts i enjoy, looking at stuff i enjoy, etc :O !! fandom is a hobby so i try not to look at negative stuff when i can help it wkdnd. which im sure youre aware about already but i always have to keep reminding myself of this bc places like rezero reddit or twitter get pretty rough!! but its really helped me just following artists and creators i like, enjoying their content, chatting with cool people i vibe with, rezero tumblr being the chillest rezero space in the whole fandom, and its also helped me a lot making rezero content of my own—like this whole blog!! its really shocked me how much people seem to value my thoughts enough to ask me things frequently but i appreciate it pfft. and i hope you guys like reading my posts!!

but yeah like. curate, curate, curate. it helps a LOT and it gets me excited to experience rezero not only by myself you know? not that i didnt have fun by myself but its its own level of fun finally finding spaces to have fun with others!! and i LOVE finding beautiful fanart!! chef’s kiss. and trying to be the change i want to see is satisfying on its own :,) i want to post random shit about rezero, so i post it. i want to make fanart for fun and share it. i want to brute force people into loving otto more so i ottopost (dont worry, i still hate him bc true otto fans also hate him at the same time <3 /lh). i want more queer rezero content so i try to make some more!! brings more personal power i think and its very fun!! and it helps with lessening the quiet despair of fandom toxicity ;-;; (which is something ive done many times and will continue to do sometimes so i feel your pain 🫂) and i promise theres cool people in the fandom 👍 i may reply late to asks or dms but im ALWAYS down to talk about rezero things its so fun 👍👍

and its really really hard sometimes to deal with fandom toxicity especially if its forcefully knocking at your door—definitely dont force yourself to stay or look at things if you cant, bc thats totally understandable!! and i myself have been harassed a little in the past. but definitely having some sort of coping—the block button, backing out of things you dont agree with or like, lots and lots of curating, etc—helps me a lot. and i think mental health wise i feel much better trying to look on the bright side of things!! its MY hobby goddammit!! ill fight people subaru-style if they try to poison it!! and however long anyone reading this decides to spend with rezero and rezero tumblr—you are welcome here 👍

but yes my very Long rambling aside - i hope this post somewhat helped you!! felix is a very important character that i like very much and need to learn more about and i have Many Feelings on the english side of this fandom, but im very grateful to all the cool people ive met over the years here for sure!! :o

also ill probably post the finished version soon but if youve read this far here is a sneak peak of felix art i did recently (just as a reward for once again reading all of my Endless Yapping)👍👍

[slightly-gay-pogohammer]

As a non homestuck, what deos that mean👀

ough i wanted to be vague and quick but no i wasn't im so sorry fnsdmag tw for transphobia mostly i guess

homestuck ends. it's a somewhat open ended ending and they dont show the "proper" final battle, but it was implied in the comic already how it was going to go. a lot of people remained disappointed in that, but i personally think its a good one

people keep pestering hussie, creator of the comic, to continue the story

hussie, well known troll (haha) who more often than not both praised and made fun of the fandom directly in the comic, writes the epilogues. they're mostly awful and they're the umpteenth big fuck you to the fandom really; one is the "shipping" ending where everything goes bad bc everyone focuses only on shipping, the one is the "fighting" ending where everything goes bad and everyone fucking dies basically. it has some good ideas, there's more fourth wall breaking, but overall its an inconsistent sexist and misoginistic mess made out of spite by someone who clearly didn't want to work on homestuck anymore

it also features character assassination, be it "this character who's entire plot was about not wanting to be alone anymore is now a sex-crazed maniac who doesnt take no as an answer", "this character who was groomed all her life to be a dictator actually becomes hitler" or "this character who a lot of people hc as mtf is now ftm, but specifically in a timeline, in the other they still identify as female". you could argue it's bc the story is about one of the characters having a villain arc and managing to take control of the story and rewrite them, but he's also regressed to be someone who's obsessed with a character we were told he wasn't in love with anymore AND also says transphobic stuff so.

hussie actually opens the epilogues with one of the character saying pretty clearly that they're "beyond canon", and makes sure that everyone known that anything written outside of the comic itself, including sidecomics, videogames and the epilogues themselves, is as canon as you want it to be. unfortunately homestuck fans cant read and that + the fact that the epilogue end in a cliffhanger, homestuck 2 has to happen

hussie wants nothing to do with it and leaves the project to someone else. they give little to no details of the plot if not a few plotpoints, one of which being the fact that a character must be named yiffany

one of the people who was supposed to work on hs2 and the tie-in visual novel games "friendsim" starts fights with readers on twitter and is later on outed as a really bad person of the biphobic and ableist variety

on a minor note, some updates are patreon exclusive, and not in a "they'll eventually be posted" way, but in a "either you follow the patreon or you dont get the whole experience" kind of way

the story also has to follow the aformentioned sexist transphobic racist bullshit, to which they add terribly written "bury your gays" plot and also cheating!! no matter the timeline my girl kanaya gets shafted and cheated on and by now im gonna be real it really smells like lesbophobia in here

also futa jokes. like we all agree that the candy jade situation is fucked up right

in all of this, "what pumpkin" actually starts drama with a youtuber or something. idk. it's the team that sells the hs merch it's even more complicated. oh and also the videogame being so delayed that's a whole can of worms too.

anyway hussie actually says that they dont give a shit no more about homestuck and sell the rights to someone else. first thing we're told is that they're going to drop the 2 from the title of homestuck 2, turning it into homestuck: beyond canon. pretty much openly saying that no, this has nothing to do with homestuck, and it's officially Not Canon.

[limpfisted]

wyll flirts very easily, but it always starts as teasing, goes from….. unless? into the slightest bit of genuine interest turned into utter devotion on his part as long as they dont push past his boundaries

if u try to get wyll to have sex right away, hell shut u down entirely, not bc he doesnt want to bc hes not like, unattrwcted to the idea of having sex or even sex with ur muse, but bc he wants something else other than physical attraction, he wants to feel “genuine” fairy tale love—a love he can lose himself in and hide himself in

he kinda wants his feelings to be ome-sided tho. i think his ideal is that he has a devoted lifelong “friendship” with someone where he writes poetry to them and calls them beautiful all the time and they fight side by side and are one, and he doesn’t have to be Everything to them, he can just be knight snd prince and charming, and they can be Them. and maybe they kiss about it, but they become legends together. wyll vc our bones will be buried entangled and they will not be able to whose limbs are whoseand historians will think we are friends and soft, sensitive children will wonder if we were more but the truth is far more real—i lived for you, i died for you, and when the sun stops rising and the sky falls, we will still be embracing beneath the earth as it burns to ash

realizing now thats just canon wyllach but it could also be wyllstarion or gale or wylltavlscj or wylldurge… or they could be Other things, idk

wyll in truth has a lot of libido and like power fantasies and passion and such but hell just keep it inside him until he dies no matter what <3 and take it out on goblins while he talks about how beautiful u look in battle

[dishesoap]

hold this for me everyone im using tumblr as my next grocery shopping pdf

pairs

wyll/astarion (canonically have so many flirty lines, theyre cute, wyll deserves a suave hot challenge and astarion deserves someone good down to their bones and also hot as hell, monster hunter/monster also cute and layered)

karlach/shadowheart (shadowhearts on her knees begging karlach to throw her around. also shadowheart wants to be taken care of and karlach wants to take care. cold/hot, moon/sun, and blue/red also. and theyre cute)

jaheira/lae'zel (i actually have a lot of thoughts&feelihgs abt this one i dont think i can express properly in a tumblr pdf format but i love it a lot)

halsin/gale (i feel like halsin would genuinely be charmed by gales Whole Thing, and gale needs halsins grounding and attention. also the magic sex would be wild.)

minsc/minsc (minsc)

also considering

karlach/jaheira (1. theyre the two characters i think are hottest; 2. hero worship/hero is cute and i think its even better when karlach is as much as a hero as jaheira, and jaheira doesnt really want to be considered a hero; 3. acceptance of death and trying to do your best with whatever time you have is what matters more than anything; 4. someone takes care of karlach the way she tries to take care of others, if a little more sternly; 5. i think karlach makes an interesting comparison to khalid re: compassion and courage; 6. age gap 😳)

astarion/halsin (halsin scruffs astarion and takes him home from the soggy cardboard box halsin found him in)

shadowheart/wyll (stop. look at me. shadowheart absolutely has a weakness for kindness and cheesy charm and genuine emotion. and wyll wants to properly court someone and show them love and he gets a devoted partner who is suddenly free to be open abt how deep her feelings run)

lae'zel/gale (IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY AND SO TASTY. POOR GALE. I WANT IT. WARRIOR QUEEN AND HER TROPHY PILE OF POMPOUS SOGGY RAGS)

minsc.

poly

astarion/halsin/shadowheart (iirc theyre the ones who are canon poly right? and i like each pairing of them individually a whole lot. also. halsins stable of traumatized blondes.)

minsc/minsc/minsc

gale/karlach/lae'zel (gale is living his dream: two hot strong people who balance respecting him as a person with passionate devotion well. karlach is living her dream: two people unafraid to touch her and tell/show her in detail - gale verbally and lae'zel physically - how much they care abt her and will protect her like she protects them. lae'zel is living her dream: optimized party mechanics. character w strongest physical build and character w strongest magical build.)

jaheira/karlach/lae'zel (im lesbian)

wyll/karlach/gale (team "can we please not murder orphans")

wyll/karlach/shadowheart (honestly i just like each pairing of these individually a lot so i think theyd be even better as a group)

additional platonic

gale/astarion (i dont think they fucked OR i think they fucked once and then swore the next morning to never talk abt it again. but theyre 10000% drift compatible. highest match anyone has ever seen. and they wont stop flirting over comms)

lae'zel/astarion (they have a burn book. they go clothes shopping together. i walk into a room theyre in and they both look at me like im the scum of the earth. they're having so much fun)

wyll/withers (i think wyll could bring withers back to life emotionally.)

[ghooostbaby]

i have a budding head canon (that relates to huaxuan, stay with me) that hua cheng's relationship with sex got pretty damaged by witnessing xie lian being enchanted by the sex flowers when hua cheng was just a teen. think about it - the first and only person he has a crush on when he's so young, he sees going into orgasmic pleasure in this atmosphere of danger and shame, and that person stabs themselves and undergoes great pain to avoid feeling sexual pleasure. AND after hua cheng's childhood of abuse that gives him a rage at the idea of hurting someone he loves. AND that's just the first of the times hua cheng witnesses xie lian being stabbed and we know what xie lian being stabbed comes to be extremely significant for his whole existence as a ghost. so I think hua might be afraid of sex, pleasure, desire, etc, initially, associate it with this violent act, and balks at the idea of having sex with xie lian even in his fantasies, because he only wants to offer to xie lian things that supports him and gives good things, and from his earlier times with xie lian he knows sexual pleasure is not something xie lian wants.

when they go to the cave with his horny art, hua cheng wants to hide it. i imagine he did those paintings originally in a state of great suffering when he couldn't help but pour those desires out of him, but he never wanted to bring to the surface for others to see. it's just that xie lian is so surprisingly open to it, and into kissing him and touching him from the time they meet. and ... well, we know how things go from there.

i think it would be very interesting that young budding ghost king hua cheng associates sex with violence or suffering, and doesnt want to inflict on xie lian anything that will hurt him, and works hard to exercise self control over his desires. but somehow centuries before meeting xie lian he learns to deal with this...

ENTER coordinating he xuan head canon...

so, I've been gradually reading the black water arc and been especially interested reading closely about the reverend of empty words and generally how ghosts work and/or develop in tgcf. there is a part where they say when a ghost eats another ghost they retain the consciousness, abilities, etc of what they ate. it is suggested that the more ghosts one eats or the more powerful a ghost that one eats is, the more it dilutes the sense of self of the ghost doing the eating. myself and my fellow he xuan obsessed mutual have had some fun exploring head canons on how he xuan would have started cultivating amd developed as a ghost, how this would play out as he absorbs other consciousnesses into himself before he has the cultivation to master them... and when he might have met hua cheng along this process, who perhaps helped him... :3

the reverend that hunted he xuan and shi qingxuan is said to be one of the most powerful of these jinx monsters. and as xie lian observes, they feed on fear, and their hunting method is to use their magic to declare a curse to their prey that when it comes true creates a surge of fear that the jinx monster feeds on which gives it more power to create worse curses which leads to increased fear, on and on until the prey is totally destroyed.

so i think that no matter how good he xuan's cultivation got, this thousand years old reverend of empty words would be a hefty mouthful for he xuan. i imagine him having just devoured the reverend finally and feeling filled to the brim with its feelings, instincts, needs, abilities, still struggling to hang onto himself as he xuan. the desire to eat fear is overwhelming but he is also himself, he cares about justice, not harming the weak.

and then i imagine hua cheng, as powerful and cool and sassy as he is, underlying it all is a lot of negative emotions, that jinx monsters find especially tasty, fear, and anxiety, and frustration. hua cheng's fear he'll never find xie lian again, that he'll never have enough or be enough or do enough to help him, fear of his own desires for xie lian as well and of hurting xie lian if he lets himself impose his own desires or expectations on xie lian, like all the people hua cheng saw around xie lian doing in the xian le years...

and hungry reverend/he xuan happening upon this tremendously tasty source of fear and despair and flinging himself out of nowhere and clinging onto him all teeth and limbs chomping on those bitter feelings hungrily. hua cheng could easily toss off this pathetic excuse for a ghost, barely holding itself together around a petty jinx monster, but it is actually slurping up all his fear, and it ... feels kind of nice. because it is the reverend, but also still he xuan who is not interested in causing harm, locking a victim in an endless cycle, he just needs to satisfy his hunger for this moment so he can get control back.

with hua cheng, he xuan is able to satisfy the hungers of the jinx monster to get it in check and eventually get control over its consciouness, while not doing harm to an innocent victim... feeding from this boundless source of fear, otherwise known as having sex with hua cheng. ^^ he doesn't need to send out harmful curses to incite fear, just slipping his robes a little off his shoulders as he slowly walks toward hua cheng is enough for a delicious wave of fear to emanate towards him. and hua cheng at first just wants to get rid of these awful feelings, and maybe discharge some of these base desires he despises with someone with whom it doesnt matter, someone he's not trying to keep safe ... but he finds that as they're clinging onto each other and he xuan is gobbling up every mouthful, without the murkiness of fear haunting everything, he experiences the physical sensation of lust and sexual pleasure with a clarity that makes it feel pretty good, and he can experience sex without losing his will to love and his devotion.

:D

[castlebyersafterdark]

often thinking about mike and will being embarrassed by their 'sex faces' or O faces when they first get together. doesnt have to be sex-related but even just foreplay stuff? this was a storyline i enjoyed in the netflix show Sex Education. maybe it's more of a girl thing than a guy thing to feel self conscious about that in pop culture? guys stereotypically seem to get self conscious about things like dick size or prem ejac, but i see a fair bit of will hiding by covering his face or feeling embarrassed cos mike is looking at him. i would love to see more of mike being like that though - not babygirl mike, not sub mike, but mike who is a bit self conscious about his 'frogface' and his body. finn is so good at the whole performance of awkwardness and anxiousness with mike, he's assertive but also very shy about personal things isnt he? and i can just see mike screwing up his face or feeling embarrassed about showing pleasure on his face to will. bonus points if there's more to it than appearances: one of my personal favs is mike feeling bad for being sexual with will because will only ever relied on him for support and friendship (seemingly), and so for mike to have been fancying him all this time throughout his experiences with the UD (especially in s5) is something mike feels guilty about.

Ohhh, this is a good one, because what's more intimate than someone's o-face??? Because you gotta do all the do to get to the O, right? Seeing someone lost in pleasure and no matter how they look, it's such a reward. I think it can be a universal point of insecurity for anyone, but I will say I've personally found from experience out in the world, is that guys are a lot more self conscious of their noises more so than their facial expressions. And noooo, do not hide that, please make noise! Men moaning and whimpering good lord, please. Don't hold that back. Maybe when you're uhhhh unable to not be a little noisy, it does make you feel some sort of way when the other guy is trying to just be quiet like. Come on, man. All in the past though😉

But there's also an element of emotional vulnerability, throughout the course of whatever it is two people are getting up to. You look to your partner to gauge what's going on, what's working, what might not be. And the intensity can be a lot, getting stared at in a normal situation can be a lot, eye contact can be intimidating, or super exposed? I see that more so than the point of orgasm, where you almost can't control how you look?

Especially, I think a lot of us, head canon Will crying during sex. He'd want to hide, try not to let on that yet again, the tears are flowing. But Mike, I do think this could also ring true for him as you've described. I just don't think in his younger days and early on in their relationship he's completely accepting of himself in many regards - ok, Will likes me, he loves me. But despite his looks, maybe is how he thinks. I see him as very self conscious over appearance based on what he's dealt with. All insecurities grow tenfold when you're vulnerable - i.e. during sex. I like an assertive Mike in the bedroom, but that comes with time. I think he'd lead a bit, but he's so shy and unsure, too. He's also maybe still got some hang-ups about internalized guilt for his sexuality, like he's so happy to be there with Will, but he's spent so long telling himself not to fantasize about it that while it's happening, there's all the sudden a drop in your stomach, like the floor fell out or the hill on a roller coaster, you momentarily forget where you are, you dissociate for a blip. You were one moment enjoying pleasure, in bed with the guy you like, but the intensity of being looked at and seen - those thoughts reappear for a split second and the terror and guilt of telling yourself you shouldn't be doing this washes over you and your face screws up, not that something feels bad, but you feel wrong over the fact that it's good. It's realistic, when you're young. Mike would live that. His face journeys are dramatic.

Changing mood entirely - this is so wrong of me but what blog are we on right now - listen. Pause that damn Mike season 4 monologue at certain frames and it looks like that boy is getting.... 🤭

[skybristle]

Would .. would you mind telling us about your clover fanon.. I am so very curious they’re my darling ever

sorry i read this and went "i should answer that" and then i forgor. i just rembdered though! some fucked up themes tho. animal death + general mommy issues and he has some Mental Problems <3 also off the bat. he's Soooo unlabeled to me but uses he/him and kisses boys. i dont think he really cares abt the pronouns though either hes literally just hanging out. ok so! First and foremost. The reason he is Like That is because he is [sparkling emoji] one of white lily's experiments! Particularly she took a deer from the millenial forest [holy animal], sacrificed it, and baked it into a cookie [she left the lily villiage at some point in the past but knows the forest's secrets still so. lol]. however he didn't really turn out and the powers he Did get from it aren't replicable,,, at this point she hasnt gone Completely off the deep end so she doesnt completely abandon him like she does for crepe later but he Did feel fundamentally unwanted and kind of just. Left her grove seeking to fufill what she wanted out of him [not realizing he's a failure by principle no matter what he does] he is by most means a wanderer. picks up his lute, grows fond of the forest animals as he travels along [avoiding villiages because well. he is kind of a freak of nature and also just general Tism makes him seem like much more of a possibly ill-willed cryptid than he is]. he has a very strong desire to become what his mom wanted from him but also develops an appreciation for the world and wants to see more of it. eventually finds himself in the millenial forest [and lily villiage],,, and while they do welcome him its clear with the way they look at him he is the Outsider and very fucked up . eventually speaks to millenial himself and he takes pity on him and gives him what he wants [immortality] so he can live up to his purpose and keep traveling the world. Eventually as a bard once he realizes thats a thing that exists. and honestly once he comes to terms with how he'll never have a relationship with his mom [the lily grove, a mess of illusions, doesnt really let him in deep enough to where she is] he just doesnt hang onto it and does what he planned to. he has to bear the horrors of immortality but honestly it isnt,,, too terrible with his aloof nature? Like. Immortal or not he's perfectly used to his animal companions dying over time and he mostly has superfiicial relationships with other cookies. i'd say the worse thing for him is he's very,,, distant a lot. it's also part of the learned mentality of a bard/storyteller [watch what happens and remember it instead of engaging in it] and learning Things Hurt once they go away in his immortality. he's been around 2-300 years and is mostly just chill. has leaned into that cryptic guy of the woods thing a bit. he really is just hanging out. he's also probably a little traumatized from all the shit hes bore witness to [especially the dfw when he put together the dots of wl's experiments and de's goals] but idk. he just generally does not caare. he eats poisonous mushrooms for fun ebcause theyr'e yummy and dont effect him because he's immortal/in a weird position of being almost divine with what he's made of. also some time post canon he meets a mostly-human robot [copperbell, my wife's oc] who's seeing the world for the first time after being trapped in the city of wizards up until very recently. they hang out a lot. two immortal guys very passionate about music who hang out. one who's very passionate for the world and one who wants to know so much about it . yeah they're yaoi eventually . the machine and nature CAN have gay sex WOOO

[neutrallyobsessed]

EPISODE 7!!!!!!!!!! I SAW THE PREVIEW IMAGES

NOW I KNOW WHO MARY IS Y EL ALMA ME VUELVE AL CUERPO!!

sehh el sindrome de abstinencia de topher bus viene con español de mas, asi que deberia ser tobi col, que se yo puta madre DONDE ESTASSSSSSSSSS

but lets see how this revelation comes to them~~

hmm so theres this kinda lack of feelingggg, like now Joan and Abe are literally each other's girl and boy next door,,,, they're doing this taylor swift thing were they speak from the windows....hmm i need more jealousy fits from each other about each other yknowww

BUENO COJAN YAAA A VERRR POR DIOSSSSSS

wait, so if Abe is gonna be like JFK, and JFK is gonna be like Abe.. then wHO'S DRIVING THE VAN???????

oh man, i love that type of joke! in the fic im writting i put it several times like actually lolol

((((~~save me oh, save me topher of the intro~~))))

ohhhhh new clones??? or maybe not, it does sound like a lot of work lmaoo yeahhhhh

without raisins lol

oh damn that epic yo but like, did you fuck harriet at least?

TOPHER!

aghhhughhohgoihjbnjdwieouwhaoaogsghhh hhhhh ok,,, okkk ok we all know that i wanted him back and HE IS BACK FUCK YEAH but i cant really decided if that was a good way or a bad way but lets just say that my ice cold water bottle has completely evaporated!! and imma- imma get a new one...... brb yeah :)

but like- yeah that's 3 (THREE) unfunny yet popular hcs disproven by canon all at once: he DOES shower, he DOES have hair and he DID fuck at least once.......... tbh the balding virgin is kinda funny but i have my reasons~ and come on people! who doesnt love a good cold shower cuaNDO TE ESTAS CAGANDO DE CALOR VIEJA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NO WAIT 4(FOUR) HCS! He doesn't dye his hair either! but like, that's not bad or unfunny is just- Do you know why el Dibu Martinez is nicknamed like that?

NO YEAH VAN GOGH I BELIEVE YOU 100% LIKE ACTUALLY SJKSJSKJSKSKS and can we get a hell yeah for Ivan? hell yeah!!

EL PRIMAS!!! EL JOTA EFE KA ES EL PRIMAS!!!!!! tho i expected that more of topher yaknow? like! like he had the sleepover with abe como no vas a traer a tus primas???

ooooooooooh Erica Rivinojaaaa you wouldnt fuck abe? thats actually super cool and a breath of fresh air. like a lot of writers and producers self insert in their shows to fuck their characters but here Rivinoja is like "nope im not gonna fuck the characters!" and thats actually hella based, we love to see it!!! leaving that to the fans eh ;)

yeah you know all bout cementary film screenings dont you joan? lol

ok i know she means she doesnt like having her picture taken without consent but still, you did sent a titpic to abe soooooo

UUUUGHHHHH FUCKING FINALLY i thought they all knew tho, like especially Cleo? who dated Abe?? eh whatev lol

OMG THATS FUCKING HILARIOUS THOSE FUCKING BLINDERS AMIRITE PEOPLE!!!

YEAHHHH JEALOUSY FIT, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING~~♥!

OH SHIT J- CL- BUT NOW WITH M- IS BACK!!!!!!!!

my fav gags making their appearances once again!

ohohoh they gonna find out~~ NO SHE DIDNT GO BACK~~!!! OOOO- yeah explain that Cleo wasn't invited there.... that she was barely in the show last season.......... LIKE- YKNOW

Ahahaha funny you say that cause before that you were like tHiS SO laMe and now you do want to get invited aaaa

This scene is so aesthetically pleasing.... and ok if it is Bloody Mary, it's ok for an overuse of blood, but still, it could have a lot more impact if y'all DIDN'T overuse blood all those times before!!

people die all the time, yeah ok lmaooo

HI! JSKSJSKSJKSJSKSJKSJJSKSJS

Aww the boys care for her- NOOO UN PINCHE FURRRO AAAAAA

oh what is this? scott pilgrim?

Hmmm didn't understand that reference...

And that's why we all need to stay hydrated and have a nice cold bottle of water near by~!

Hahahah~~! HAHAHAHHHHH!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO GIRL! you having sex with EVERYONE who DONT MATTER what the fuck

there is SO MUCH jealousy and regret in this screenshot, i love it!!

Rating: Abe still a virgin/10!

Topher Bus has appeared on screen for 8 seconds.

[cipherexists]

i would like to introduce you to my spinny guy, he is very pathetic but also very cool

Issac

below is a non comprehensive list of random facts about him (propaganda of my wet cat)

TW for body horror and slight nsfw

he could technically grow a beard, he just has male pattern baldness

he has been pronounced dead 3 times, and the last time was when Lin* removed his heart.

he can acess his magik so well and easily because his componants are themselves magik (this also makes him unstable to touch)

his mother died when he was 17 (he is now 37) due to terrowin (his father) sacrificing her to shagsus (the god of his church) (he is a priest)

he started to practice necromancy when he was 19 and training to be a cleric but stoped when he became the head priest (at 24) but when serpere(wife) 'died' he found all his old books and started practicing again

He had alot of issues with his health as a kid, require lots of surguries and medicine. eventually his parents took him to a new village (bermuda/errydyon) where they started praying to shagsus whos beliefs read that the metal of the earth is purer than the flesh of the skin. his problem organs were replace with robotic versions obtained from Rimehold and he got better.

he required matience over time as he kept getting sick untill his key organs were all mechanical

he then just did upgrades himself including his muscles and both his eyes. he did this via surgical sterilizations and biting a belt between his teeth to stop him from screaming

he has hydrolics and metal piping in his legs his arms just have steel pins and false mucle tissue

theoretically he cannot die in a way that matters

Issac cannot go near an mri machine and always gets stopped by TSA

issac can canonically speak elven

issac can withstand a Lot Of Pain

He reads romance novels before bed (this has warped his perspective of a relationship and he will keen at any cheesy move, he cannot flirt for his life)

issac theoretically doesnt need to eat or drink human food

he does however need to top up his hydrolic fluid and oil like a mfing car

i do not like to think about issacs dick or how sex works when he is a cyborg

so i wont give that information**

his eyes glow, and if you put your ear to his chest you would be able to hear the servos, hyrdolics and mechanical beat of his heart. its slower than a normal humans

he runs cold, his chest is warm due to all the mechanics but his limbs are cool to the touch unless hes been running are fighting then they are very hot (think how a laptop heats up)

he is theoretically very flexible, but also that damages his parts so, dont do that

can issac run doom?

yes? he has no screens or speakers

issac cannot grow most hair as most of his skin is synthetic so it cannot grow hair

he performed all of his tattoos himself

most of his surguries to replace his biological parts were done by himself, other than his liver, kidneys and his first eye adaptation

Theoretically you can plug a usb stick into issac and he could access the information

Issac smells like bitter almonds and cherries***

He loves baking but not cooking (he can still do both)

he likes bugs + taxidermy

Issac has autopsy scars! he was only slightly Vivisected :D (only slightly because he is questionably alive at this point)

Context

* Lin is 'BBEG' for campaign, he is very cool and you understand why he is angry

** he has a wife sorry. his wife is cooler than him by 104%

***this is what most embalming fluids smell like - is it for his still living parts or the necromancy he commits? both 🥰

info dump complete, i have more but im in the process of actually putting that into a story

[night-dark-woods]

Hapax and Fuller: 👁️, 👖 (Haha, suffer),🌱

👁️ - How do other people perceive this oc? How close do their first assumptions come to the truth?

i think both of them tend to be perceived as pretty off-putting and neither of them put much work into changing that, and i think they tend to be perceived pretty *accurately* but in ways that let people write them off as having no interiority.

Fuller: she comes off as a pretty bog-standard mad scientist and while thats not *wrong* i think people tend to assume she's a lot more unstable than she is. she's not trying to conquer the world and she's not out of touch with reality, she knows exactly what she's doing and is much more grounded and wily than people give her credit for. she's just also immensely full of herself, and has yet to care about anyone enough to have her ever consider how her behavior effects others.

Hapax: her autism-stare and flat affect tend to unnerve people, and most people have a really really hard time reading her. she *is* a sociopath (using that diagnostically/morally-neutrally with all the caveats that the dsm&psychiatry as a whole are insufficient and prescriptive) and sure she doesnt *like* most people but she doesn't *dislike* them either. she gets left out of things a lot because a) people are scared off by her general... everything, and b) when she does participate, people assume she hates it because she rarely emotes.

my girls are both offputting and strange and neither of them have a classic *heart of gold* or anything to "redeem" them in Normal Society <3 BUT. doesn't mean they are incapable of or uninterested in human connection.

👖 - Coffee shop or high school AU, your choice: tell me their role.

evil. patient needs mouse bites (canon universe or something equally violent) to live. but also food service is kind of the closest thing to war you can get. i think the vast majority of people writing those AUs as something peaceful and conflict-free have never worked a service industry job. anyway.

no matter how much i squish them like playdough i cannot make either of them earnestly care about coffee <3. so. Fuller works part-time while doing her PhD at the shittiest downtown location of some local chain and Hapax (full-time, dropped out of college been working at this chain for like 10 years at this point, known to be unflappable) gets transferred to that store after the 800th person quits for some reason (reason being Fuller Sucks). Fuller is instantly enamored and Hapax is like. god is punishing me for something. they hate each other immensely and have sex about it, frequently on the clock. Aunor is the manager for that store and a few others and once she figures out whats going on she wants them both fired but they also are the only people who have lasted at that location longer than a month and so are marginally too valuable to do so.

🌱 - Share one of this oc’s early memories.

complicated given guardians, but.

Hapax: i think she didnt join up with the Corsairs immediately post-rezz. id imagine post-Battle of Saturn there was a massive uptick in Reef-born Awoken guardians just bc of the sheer amount of... raw material after that event, and so the people of the Reef would have ended up pretty well-acquainted pretty quickly with the concept of baby Risen, and i think there'd have been regular patrols/sweeps through the Reef to mop up and either recruit (preferred) or send to the Tower all the Risen popping up everywhere. BUT. i think Hapax was a pretty early one, and she can barely use her Light, and so i think she spent some time just... working on a farm out on some asteroid with the people who found her, before she got picked up and (mostly willingly) assigned to the Corsairs. horsegirl Hapax <3 she misses them. animals are easy and predictable.

Fuller: Fuller was a Cosmodrome baby, and was rezzed pretty much inside Hive territory. her earliest memories are of immensely short lives marked by intense violence scrabbling for survival among the Hive. as soon as she was allowed on the Moon she went there and went straight back into the Hellmouth. to be clear though she isn't motivated by revenge or anything in her experiments- just sheer curiousity about how this other paracausal power system works, and how the Hive are able to contend with the guardians.

[tedjerkoffski]

Do you have any sex hc for the tma cast?

I WAS THINKING ABOUT JON EARLIER

so. you dont know this yet. but its a very mild spoiler. jon is canonically ace, specifically, he "just doesnt" in reference to sex. but. i do feel like hed talk to martin when he gets off, probably watches him too. also. some things that are spoilers

tim. doesnt matter if hes top or bottom, dom or sub, he is allllll about service. pussy eating king. also canonically bi sooooo

sasha<333 my love. i feel like she is slightly more dominant, especially with tim, but theyre real silly about it. i feel like theyre the kinda people who can make jokes while having sex yknow. just have a good time about it

martinnnn. i have a lot of contradicting thoughts about martin. hes a cis man who was a little forcefemmed by peter. hes a trans guy who was forcemasced by peter. he fucked the living daylights out of peter. hes dominant. hes submissive. he will tie people up in webs. hes. whatever i want him to be/

elias. voyeur. but can also get off on those roles being reversed. either the meanest dom ever or a really bitchy sub

[oodlesofowls]

Feel free to use as pfp WITH CREDIT!!!! :)

hcs below the cut ^^

Ok kenma is so very aro and so very gay. My favorite dynamics of his are bokuakakuroken and kenhina but he really gives platonic vibes even in those ships. i love the idea that hes aroace but still dating bokuto, kuroo and akaashi who also give various aspec vibes btw. i think i just really like characters in poly relationships where one part is platonic but means just as much because im self conscious about how much my friends care about me lol. but anyway. it’s obvious that kenma really likes hinata, we see it when they first meet and kenma just immediately gets a squish on him and then in the timeskip where he sponsors hinata like omg theyre so ahhh. i think he just really likes being around hinata and finds him fascinating. canon really encapsulates the beginning of a squish for me like kenma is just so intrigued and really finds hinata to be a really fun person to be around and opens up to him much more easily than anyone and i will die on platonic kenhina hill!!!

i talked a bit about kenkagehina in my aro hinata post but ill talk about it again. i think that kenma would be very competitive about hinatas attention at first and even later but after some time kageyama grows on him and they have a quiet understanding of each other. i dont think they would be dating in the polycule just mutually connected by hinata but i think their relationship matters a lot nonetheless.

kenma is the type of person to be really into relationship anarchy. like he probably wouldn’t understand why others put romantic relationships above everything else and he likes to let his relationships figure themselves out and never really picks a most important relationship.

also he and kuro have just such a good dynamic and they lowkey remind me of a childhood friend of mine who i used to have a squish on lol. they are just so good as best friends and i love how much they understand each other. they also give semi sibling vibes, obviously found family siblings so i think they would be much more cuddly with each other since theyre just used to it.

also i love thinking of all the dynamics in bokuakakuroken and one of my favorites is definitely bokuken. i think they compliment and understand each other much more than one would think and bokuto is probably a lot more reserved around kenma but in a relaxed way. kenma understands bokutos slumps and is there to confort him when he needs it and bokuto is an easy person for kenma to be around because he doesnt feel like he has to talk if he doesnt want to and now im just talking about how theyre both neurodivergent and- ahhhh

anywayyyy some mini hcs that are semi related to him being aro

he hates being touched except by like 3 people

kuroo had a crush on kenma in middle school and kenma rejected him on accident and didnt even know until years later when kuroo told him

he took a lot of am i gay quizes and always got like 50% so he thought he was bi for a bit

very romance repulsed but sex ambivalent

also hes acespec to me (probably fraysexual)

[tonberry-yoda]

Kakyoin-♡

why of course! who doesnt love this cherry boy???

his hair is so soft and well maintained

sorry to say this, but he will flirt with your mom (the memes are canon ladies, gentlemen, and anything upside down or inbetween)

he will steal your earrings (if you wear any)

he would also love if you did his makeup like put him in lipstick or anything, i just feel like he would

while he plays video games he would love if you laid on his lap and fell asleep

he would also love to play with your hair, no matter how short or how long

he's got soft hands fr i promise

i also think he would just be warm all the time, i just know it in my soul

he will literally go on for hours about the lore of a video game (like the meme where it's like "that sex was great, but i have to continue telling you about the five nights at freddy's timeline". yeah. that's him)

he is a 10/10 cuddler and cannot sleep without you in his arms or without your arms around him

he will introduce you to all the crusaders

and his parents

i feel like he's super close to his family, so he wants you to meet everyone in it <3

give him little kisses on the cheek and you'll have him blushing for hours

just know he loves and cares for you a lot <333

~~~~~

jjba masterlist --- pinned post

@tonberry-yoda

[kelsosefuealaguerra]

so, i have thoughts about how the writers have been addressing whatevers going on with roman + sex, and the hints theyve dropped during the whole show. (TW for sexual abuse / harassment, incest mention?)

lets look at succession as a whole so far regarding romans sexuality. The things we know are: 1) He only got into relationships with women he thought his dad would date. 2) Based on his conversation with Tabitha when they were trying to have sex, he seems to only be able to get off if he can pretend theres something "wrong" about it. 3) At this point, i think we can say his bisexuality is canon, based on his little thing with his personal trainer. Which is intriguing because if he really jerked roman off after sessions, that sounds like, the most intimate hes ever been with someone during the course of the show? And the fact that its a guy maybe enhances the Wrong aspect that he likes- i mean, remember gerris dirty talk in season 2: "what would your family think? theyd be ashamed of you. and rightly so". id say maybe dudes are easier for him because of the inherent feeling of "wrongness" his internal homophobia brings out.

And yeah, the whole thing with gerri has an air of wrongness too, because of the whole ~humiliation sex talk roleplay she did obviously, and because he knew his dad would be against it. which probably makes roman be even more into her- besides the fact that shes smoking hot, of course, but tabs is also hot as fuck and he still couldnt get into her (Ha), so we know hotness alone doesnt do the trick for him.

Then theres the incest/sexual abuse jokes, which... theres a lot to unpack there. the whole bit about him getting assaulted by connor as a child. "im touched" / "me too". what he said to rhea in dundee ("look at you, fitting right in, like a camp counselor in my butt when I was 12"??? terrible). Roman clearly doesnt know why he cant have sex, and theres the theory going around that its related to some kind of trauma like that in his past. (Last ep when shiv got mad at him for the gross sexy secretary joke and asked what was wrong with him, he said 'i dont know. were working on it, its an ongoing process', and we also know hes doing therapy 'my guy's surprised i got through at all'). so if it is sexual abuse, he probably buried it so deep inside his mind he cant actually remember, and it comes out occasionally with disturbing humor.

then theres that one time in 2x09 when he asked logan if he had someone to talk to and logan said smt like, "you want me to talk to a shrink? you know, you may want to screw your mother, but I am okay in that department, thank you". that scene is really important because like, correct me if im wrong, but i think that was one of the first times someone in his family talked openly about his issues. And it was just to make fun of them, and of roman for needing & going to therapy. Roman was really upset about it, kinda seemed like he thought there was a line in the things they taunted each other about and logan really went there anyway.

...which leads us to S3. Weve seen the family press the matter about roman and sex this season in ways that they never really did before, which was maybe one of the things that triggered the boiling point of his dysfunction: him being so careless about it he goes against gerris boundaries, possibly ruining the most healthy relationship he has right now with a person he clearly has feelings for. and in turn, becomes his fall from grace.

Ep 1, logan getting mad at roman for worrying about him and asking him if he wants to suck his dick. romans clearly not okay with it, even though a couple of scenes later he mimicks a blowjob when gerri was talking on the phone about the president respecting logan. thats basically how it worked this season: he got upset when sex shit was brought up, then he shrugged it off with innapropiate jokes. Cause we have Ep 2, where shiv tells him "you cant hide under the covers with mommy", and "someday youre actually going to have to fuck something". which bothered roman so much he had to leave the room. to my knowledge, thats the first time his siblings mentioned his issues with sex so directly. "that was low." "its not my fault he has a sex thing, that was an overreaction. was i too harsh?" "are you kidding? he loves it. hell be jerking off wearing my ex wifes panties." it was shocking to learn they know about it because, how?? rumours going around? tabitha explicitly outing roman as her eunuch bestie??? idk, but it surprised roman too and that was the moment where that boundary of his sex life being a secret from his family was completely broken, imo. for the audience and also, for himself, probably.

then there was the football team finger-bang joke, logan calling him the F slur, shivs comment about him wanting to blow logan and fuck his mom, asking about his intimacy with tabitha, kendall telling him he could take the giant replica of carolines vagina home with him SKDHSKD The curious thing though is that he went from being upset and storming out, to learning how to own the jokes and even going along with them until they got to be Too much. like. To me, the worst one so far was definitely this interaction:

and then he mimicked blowing logan... christ bro. like, how did we go from his normal response to logans innapropriate comment to him in episode one to THAT. its like season 3 was a journey of roman being desensitized about his issues because theyre joked about in every episode and not really a secret anymore, and hes kind of been going off the rails because of it. He cant tell where the lines are, doesnt undestand when hes going too far. That, coupled with his dad almost dying in episode 4, was probably what caused his undoing this season. Going hardcore with everything logan wants, allowing himself to be manipulated into severing his connection with kendall and shiv because of him. its insane bro. hes definitely losing his sense of reality a little bit ("youre not real. youre not a real person" / "no real person involved" cross my mind every now and then).

i dont know, i just thought it was important, how it all came down to last episode, where logan, shiv and gerri finally confronted him in all seriousness about his problem (though logan did it for the wrong reasons, as he usually does). Which is huge, because there were no jokes this time from shiv and logans part. and gerri had talked about him "being a sick fuck" and "having a revolting problem in his head" as dirty talk before, but there wasnt anything ~sexy about the way she called him out in italy. in all three cases, roman couldnt hide behind his usual humor or flirting, so all thats left is to come to terms with it. Even though he still has a hard time figuring out what his problem is, so... will he get better or worse? im not sure- i just think losing gerri could be his breaking point.

its really interesting to me that the writers took it there, and i wanna see where theyre gonna go with it. if its ever gonna get properly addressed, or if theyll never really explain what happened to him. knowing this show, anything could happen, tbh.

[jender-studies]

Hard agree and so glad someone else sees it and it is a scholar of such renown. Love the paring but textually, Cas is in love with Dean, Dean is a deeply closeted queer man. That's what's there.

We do see Dean show a fair bit of attraction for Cas but it's all in early seasons. I think the nerfing and wifification maybe of Cas did make him less sexy to Dean, or Dean did a good job at repressing himself. Probably both. Only on season 13 but I'd say Dean is flirtiest with Cas in 4 and 5, maybe 6 I don't remember. By season 8 and probably 7 actually it's less flirty but he's at least warm to Cas and a little obsessed with him. And in 9 at least the Gas n Sip episode he clearly still cares a lot, but in general by 10 everyone refers to Cas as the Winchesters pet angel and they're kind of right. It's honestly pretty sad.

Maybe it's Carvers fault? I'd say 7-9 is where we see some meaningful affection, a lot of people site purgatory for a reason. But it really is still a stretch. Fondness and earlier flirtiness really don't equal love, especially with how cold Dean becomes to Cas in 9-12.

i have to admit that i do really have to work to read dean as in love with cas, especially before the dabb era. like, attracted to him, sure, but not like. meaningful affection. not more meaningful than, say, whatever he had with benny. if anything less meaningful