#it doesn't have to be about top surgery
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been thinking about protag jessica au again..............i wanna give lady JESSIE a proper witchy outfit one of these days for her game master look but here's her in a cool cape at least
#umineko#jessica ushiromiya#lemons.png#umineko spoilers#i mean. this doesn't happen. but i feel like the implications are there lmao#11/3/2024#gave her the cat eyes bc in my beautiful mind becoming game master is her villain arc#was having some thoughts earlier about how the structure of the game might change with her in the protag seat#i was into the idea of it being a little more overtly theatre-inspired in its framing devices#seeing as jessica's a performer rather than a mystery enthusiast#long time no draw lol. i had top surgery in september and couldn't use my arms very well for a while there#all good now though!#pettan pettan and all that
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My friend and I are t4t logurt truthers ✊😞
#fighting the real battles#as in we just call each other and yap about it#nothing really changes except Logan doesn't have top surgery#im not sure he can have top surgery#nightcrawler#kurt wagner#xmen#marvel#x men 97#x men#x-men#wolverine#logan howlett#logurt
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new suicide squad anime got me thinking about the genderbend batman au i made when i was 16 again.
extra (nsfw??? body horror + shirtless doodle lol) art under the cut + drabble.
A mysterious actress appears in Gotham!
Production for the long-anticipated remake of the 1930s classic horror film, "The Clay", is saved in part thanks to the audition of one woman with no credits to her name, just a face and demeanor identical of the late leading actress of the original film.
However, the cast and crew have bigger worries than their limited budget and endless demands from their producers -- everyone involved seems to be disappearing one by one!
While the average gothammite worries that the cult classic's "cursed" reputation might be a little more than an urban legend, The Batman refuses to entertain such unfounded silliness and aims to get to the bottom of this crime against cinema!
presenting BATMAN '63 - THE RISE OF CLAYFACE coming not actually ever lmao
(her hair is brown now because I like the idea of her appearance never being fully consistent lol. shapeshifters gotta do their thing)
#batman au#gotham rogues#genderbend#clayface#dc comics au#i have no idea how to tag this. hi guys.#anyway i rlly do like how silly they made clayface in the isekai anime. i definitely took some inspiration from that iteration but#this version of fem clayface has been. in the back of my mind for literally years. i like the film actor angle for him too much#might do more of these might not. depends on how indulgent i feel ig.#anyway some misc headcanons for this clayface:#she was a struggling actor who was incredibly insecure about her appearance.#before she became clayface she would undergo plastic surgery for every new role she landed. her over the top passion for getting into (cont#(cont) character frightened directors. she gained a moniker for herself as “the woman with 1000 faces”#in this story specifically she's working under the penguin to get rid of some loose ends in a sensationalized way because the targets (cont#(cont) are famous. and she's more than happy to comply because a good chunk of the cast on set have been bad to her in the past.#her shapeshifting abilities have some limitations. she can morph into anything she has had skin to skin contact with however (cont)#(cont) she cannot change her total mass. which is why she has so much hair lol#she also can't copy powers cus that's whack. also only living things she can't turn into a car.#i probably forgot something important but yeah. goddamn you au i made as a teenager#goddamn you stupid ass suicide squad anime for making me think about this au again#cw horror#body horror#oh yeah she's also probably got a weird gender but she doesn't know that#she also can't maintain her not-clay-monster form for long or she starts to literally melt away.#my art
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i was having a chuckle to myself last night about Gristol, and how his plans are basically:
Restore Ford Cruller's memory
Find Maligula
???
Profit
but then... of course they are, right? this is Gristol we're talking about. Fatherland Follies drives home again and again that he's still operating on a child's logic, a warped and reductive version of the world that he never bothered to grow out of. both of his memory vaults center on the images of his childhood, this idealized version of the past that he clings to no matter what. and that's still how he remembers Maligula, too - as this saviour figure, who rushes in to help him when he's in trouble.
[ID: Two slides from Gristol's memory vault, Glory to Grulovia! Left: Gristol clings to Maligula's back as she summons waves to sweep away his assailants. Right: Gristol and Maligula waving from a balcony as the people cheer. Gzar Theodore brandishes a dagger in the background.]
like so much else, Maligula represents a return to this idyllic childhood - to the peace and simplicity of his youth, when he was free from worries and responsibilities. in his mind, he doesn't need to make any further plans - once Maligula's back, everything will go back to normal. Maligula will make everything better.
...is what i thought, but then i remembered this line:
[Screenshot source. ID: Gristol, in Truman's body, bows on his hands and knees in front of the newly-awaked Maligula. The caption reads: "Yes, High Priestess! I am here to correct the mistakes made by my father!"]
and that's kind of interesting, right?
to be clear: this happens directly after Maligula sees Helmut-in-Gristol's-body, and recognises him. her line before this is:
"Little Gzesaravich! Have you come to pay for your father's sins?"
my first thought was that Gristol hadn't expected to still be in Truman's body by the time he managed to find Maligula, and this was him trying to placate her and buy some time until he could explain the situation. but watching the cutscene back, that's clearly not what's happening here. Gristol is answering as himself, and his response of throwing himself to his knees before her is, as far as i can tell, genuine.
so what is going on here?
in Fatherland Follies, there's this line in the ride narration that stuck out to me:
"Why didn't the Gzar help Maligula in her time of need? No one knows, but historians agree - it is Gzar Theodore's biggest failure."
other lines mention Gzar Theodore's "mistake", and it's wording Gristol himself echoes in the screencap above. evidently, he believes that his father abandoned Maligula, leaving her to her fate at the hands of the Psychonauts, and it was that mistake that lead to them being driven out of the country - that mistake which he seeks to correct. maybe he even feels like he has a debt to repay to her for his family turning their backs on her all those years ago.
the 'High Priestess' thing, though - that's kinda weird, and threw me for a loop the first time i played the game. it took me until my second playthrough to connect the dots, and remember how the room in the Lady Luctopus - Gristol's room - was full of Delugionist scribblings and symbols.
[Screenshot source. ID: left, the walls of the hidden backroom in Gristol's hotel suite, covered in scrawlings of eyeballs and Maligula's name. Right, the pinboard from the hidden backroom. On its surface are photographs and newspaper clippings connected by pieces of string.]
i mean, look at this stuff! he had a whole conspiracy board and everything!
we learn very little about the Delugionists and their beliefs as a whole during the game, but i think drawing the connection here suggests two important things. one: that Gristol was in deep with this stuff. i don't know how he linked up with them - maybe via old family connections, or just good old-fashioned digging (we know he's skilled at worming his way into peoples' good graces, after all) - but it seems likely that he's begun to internalise their ideas, maybe even warping his own memories of events. and two: the Delugionists themselves are, if you'll pardon the pun, pretty far off the deep end.
like... i understand why PN2 didn't go heavy on the "mass-murderer cult worship" aspect of things, in the end, but man this is such a tantalising glimpse into the wider mythos around Maligula. Gristol is proud and haughty and thinks himself above everyone else; the fact that his first reaction seeing Maligula is to throw himself to the ground at her feet says so much about the way he's come to see her. he's not just trying to bring back Maligula, his childhood bodyguard. he's trying to bring back Maligula, the High Priestess of the deluge, the semi-mythical figure whose supporters believe even death couldn't stop. he doesn't even flinch at the way she confronts him, and maybe it's because he's bought in so completely to this deified figurehead, this idea of Maligula; more a living force of nature than a person. and it all comes back to the same place: an abdication of responsibility, not just to the person who protected him when he was little but to this avatar of floods and destruction. Maligula will make everything better.
i'd write more about my thoughts on the Delugionists but that'd be taking a hard turn into speculation, and this is already kind of long and rambling so i'd better end it here. but what an unexpected and evocative line, right? it's some of the only stuff we have to go off of regarding the Delugionists as a whole, but i think it does such a good job of hinting at the wider story - at teasing another layer to the mythos surrounding Maligula, one whose ripples we see throughout the game but which never quite breaches the surface.
#psychonauts#psychonauts 2#bored waiting at the airport so you get more psychonauts meta from me#the delugionists have been on my mind recently (because i Might Just have an upcoming au lorepost about them and also cults are fun)#so tossing my thoughts up here because people seemed to like the last few times i did this#and also it's my blog and i like to talk :)#related vent i HATE drafting posts in the tumblr editor because if you hit crtl+z to try and undo a formatting change#it deletes like half the post you just typed out#(yes i did it again while i was writing this. yes i'm still salty. why do i even bother)#what else... this is just becoming a disconnected thoughts dump#but if you've seen my posts you knew what you were signing up for when you hit the button to expand the post tags#there's new art coming hopefully this weekend if i can get it finished! it's more mermaid au designs#i'm two and a half weeks late for mermay but it turns out starting a new job and moving house doesn't leave you with a ton of free time#but that's okay it's never too late for mermaids#omg and artfight's coming up next month too! geez#i gotta make refsheets for the fsau trio because i would LOVE to get art of them#and this year i don't have a thesis to crunch on so i might actually have time to participate#oh and then in august i'm having top surgery! will make a proper announcement post for it at some point#i say 'announcement'. it's just a life update but it's nice to share#i'm super excited about it :)#i might end up blogging the process and recovery but obviously it won't be going here lol. i'd put it on my main#idk if anyone would find it useful but when i first started looking into surgery i had like very little idea about the whole process#and it's only through joining a bunch of online support/discussion groups that i managed to find more info and resources#so hey it might be useful to share? we'll see#our flight doesn't land for another fifty minutes so now i'm just writing in the tags because i'm bored#alright i'll proofread this and then post it when i land and have signal again. peace out yall hope your pride month is going well
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I think trans!Timmy fans should have some fun with the fact that Wanda and Cosmo can canonically perform instant, perfect surgery.
#fairly oddparents#timmy turner#this could could have the ultimate gender affirming experiences#''cosmo wanda i wish everyone treated me like a girl/gnc'' just to see what that feels like#''i wish i had a vagina'' ''i wish i had top surgery and the scars looked like lightning''#''i wish hrt was free in dimmsdale''#I'm also thinking specifically about nicktoons unite purposes for this lol#jimmy is doing blood tests on the team so he can make some specialized equipment for them#and he goes ''hm. my machine must be broken. it keeps saying you have two x chromosomes.''#timmy laughs. ''mr boy genius doesn't know his boyfriend is trans''#literally everyone: ''YOU'RE TRANS???''#danny grips timmy by the shoulders. ''you can wish for perfect surgery/instant hrt AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME???''
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Partial diversity win! Jesus freak mother will accept me being bigender (i'm not) instead of being a binary transmasc!
#i really honest to god don't care about how she perceives me tbh because like#haha#she also asked if owen crossdressed because she doesn't know what bisexual means???#she hit me with this conversation out of nowhere#she said she's fine with me iding as a man as long as i'm also a woman?#which yeah sure jan (her name isn't jan) i'm totally nb haha#sike#i don't plan on getting top surgery and i'm low-dosing t so i can still be vaguely femme (but like a femme man) and she was happy with that#still getting my name and gender marker changed though#i told her i was getting my name changed so i didn't have to associate with dad and she was like 'that's fair'#anyway she's fucking insane if she thinks she has any sway over my life anymore#ESPECIALLY how I identify
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If I may- *ahem*
BEGONE FOUL PESTILENCE THAT PLAGUES OUR DEAREST ARTIST’S TOOTH! BEGOOOOOONE! WASHASHASHASHASHAA!!! 🪄🪄🔥✨✨
Thank you for trying to magic away my pain, greatly appreciated ✨️
#the only thing that's about to begone is my molar if the root canal surgery (?) doesn't work#it has a lot of pus (that liquid that's basically discharge due to infection etc) and yeah... I might lose that molar#and I'm 22. how fucked up is that#if that's the case I'll have to get an implant. but that's the bad ending. maybe everything will work out and I'll get to keep my tooth#I'm a little scared regardless. when they use these sharp needles to feel the nerves. ouch#on a more positive note. my immunosuppression(?) is coming in handy right now because I have priority I guess#(basically due to a pharmaceutical treatment I received my immune system is not in tip top condition. add that to the list)#on another negative note my tv is now not working. one more thing that needs money. great#not art#text#ask#anonymous#if anyone ever tells you I'm very pessimistic. first of all I like to call it 'grounded and realistic' and second yeah maybe I am a little#personal tag
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i think everyone on sunnytwt needs to be sat down so i can explain to them what basic human empathy is. and then maybe i put them in a blender until they agree to write meta about the characters instead of whether or not charlie day got facial reconstruction surgery.
#ada speaks#u do not exist in a vacuum and your words have the capability to harm others#celebrities may not see your tweets but your balding transmasc mutual and your follower who feels self conscious about her nose will#it is fucking bizarre the way these people conduct themselves online#really. really fucking weird man#and then you see them acting like ppl are 'defending rich white men'#instead of taking issue with the actual shit theyre saying#whether or not you think rcg has been 'under the knife' or not#a) how is this any of your business. you are not entitled to this info nor do you have a free pass to criticize someone's personal choice#b) ask yourself why you feel you need to critique alleged surgeries and how they stack up to imposed conventional beauty standards#c) you do not *own* them. you can have opinions on your own attraction to them but#a person getting plastic surgery or hair plugs or whatever is up to them. not you. if it helps to make them feel better then who cares.#just because it doesn't make them attractive to YOU doesn't mean its okay to point and laugh#if a trans guy got top surgery and it was 'botched' would you act like they were stupid for getting it in the first place?#if a trans woman decided she wanted to surgically shave her jaw would you shame her for that?#it's their body. it's not yours.#for the record i don't believe any of them have gotten work done but think its a stupid thing to speculate on regardless#ive watched family members go through plastic surgeries of varying success. ive seen them get botox and hair plugs and everything#normal everyday people do it and it's not always about vanity#it can be for gender reaffirming reasons (and yes this includes when cis people do it) to alleviate dysphoria#trying to point out alleged surgical alterations made is just. gross#not to mention that holy shit MOST of the shit ppl are saying is like. age. different hairstyles. different facial expressions.#maybe if these people actually watched the show theyd be able to see the gang in action instead of staring at pics like spot the difference
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Staying cool in the pool 😎🩵💙💜
#beltipvans#fun in the sun and cool in the pool ✨🩵💙💜#(i would still like to wear a cute bikini or something- i don't have top surgery yet in real life-#-so I'm kind of insecure about wearing a bikini or cute leotard swimsuit thing... but honestly either way I'd still like to-#-wear one! it doesn't make me less trans masc for wanting to wear cute swimsuits 🩵💙💜 besides- Bel still wears them too!-#- I'll probably wear trunks over the bottom part if i want to- something cute too!-#-i also plan on drawing beltipvans having fun at a beach and all of our swimsuits 😊✨-#-i like drawing my self inserts top scars (personal thing) so I'll still draw them if he's wearing a bikini/swimsuit)#long tags
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i think everyone who is reblogging that post about how horrible and creepy and fucked up it is to speculate about someone being possibly trans needs to
1) think about why/when these speculations are being made. context matters. are they harassing or crossing boundaries of anyone specific/an actual concrete person, or simply making comments to themselves, to friends, or in a general open online area.
2) ask yourself if it is actually so bad and harmful to say someone could be trans.
3) ask yourself if these speculations about transness actually uphold gender norms. does being trans upholds gender norms. is a trans woman reinforcing stereotype if she wears makeup, or is a transmasc reinforcing stereotype if they get top surgery. why do trans people, especially trans women, do these things. if these actual actions are okay for trans people to do as their form of gender expression, then is this actually bad to simply speculate about.
4) ask yourself if you've heard this shit before like. does this at all bring to mind how straight people found it offensive to be speculated as gay, and the subsequent gross backlash against gay people helping anyone out of the closet, and the movement of "let bros be bros" gaining more attention/priority than. yknow. simply normalizing people being gay and that not being a bad thing or an insult to think someone may be gay.
5) most importantly: who is making these speculations. is it "people" in general like the post says or is it fellow trans people, who know what it is like to be closeted with no info, no other trans people to talk to, no way to explore themselves safely until someone says something first. and is it trans people or specifically trans women, who are especially vulnerable to these things. are these trans women actually being harmful or do you view trans womens' personal speculations as inherently forceful, creepy, and invasive.
6) ask yourself why that may be.
7) be honest.
#transmisogyny#transphobia#homophobia#'a guy in a dress doesn't HAVE to be a woman!' okay. doesn't have to Not be one either. why are you up in arms about it.#like. we have had this song and dance before people#its not some horrible invasion of privacy to think someone may be an egg or closeted#if you cross a boundary someone set or harass someone over gender (or anything) thats bad but if someone is just like#making anonymous jokes online what are you people even mad about#do you hear yourselves#ky speaks#this post is pointedly biased and obviously trying to lead people to specific conclusion and i dont trust tumblr at large with it anyways#so unrebloggable. but i said what i said#someone on the original post said 'said youre gonna push someone further away from being trans by bringing it up to them' (paraphrased)#GO OUTSIDE???#DO YOU KNOW HOW RARE THATD EVEN BE. YOU SOUND LIKE THOSE BIGOTS ARGUING AGAINST TOP SURGERY BC OF THE .1% OF PPL WHO REGRET IT OR SMTH#CHRIST#and like. okay. i know i sound pissed in this post and i am cause its upsetting to see other trans ppl reblogging it#the transmisogyny (including intercommunity. especially intercommunity in some ways) is always upsetting#but i also want anyone reading this to know this is your sign to jsut change and be better and then itll be fine yknow like#just work on this shit for the love of god#change or die idk what to tell you
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a concept that is so funny to me is that both Ed and Roy are trans but neither of them knows about the other
Roy takes his shirt off for some reason and Ed looks at the top surgery scars like "huh what kinda dumbass injury are those fr- WAIT A GODDAMN MINUTE."
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I hate hearing about the Quiverfull movement. I hate hearing about it politically. I hate hearing about it from people who don't know anything about it. I hate hearing about it from people who only know the Duggars. I hate hearing about it from people who grew up next to it, but not in it. I hate hearing about it from women stuck in it right now. I hate hearing about it from women who were stuck in it. I hate the Quiverfull movement and I hate hearing about it.
#It got mentioned in the latest episode of Some More News and I'm so fucking upset#not by the video but just the concept cause it's with pictures of the Duggars and Im like#idk#it makes me feel weirdly hopeless#Im getting top surgery probably sometime this year if the surgeons approve me in a couple weeks#and I plan on getting a hysterectomy at some point for my endometriosis#which I know isn't a cure but it'll help#I don't plan to have kids but my family follows the Quiverfull idea#they aren't in the movement itself but they definitely follow the idea of be fruitful and multiply#I talked with my grandmother recently about my birth control implant and she joked about how if they had those back in the day#she would've stopped at 3 kids#she had 6 and says she wanted 12#at least#She stopped because another child would've killed her#and 6 children need 2 parents#but she joked about stopping at 3 then sighed and looked out distantly#and said well no I wouldn't have used it. I had to trust the lord with how many children I have#my nana is 81 years old but she is Alive and Kicking#I haven't seen her this tired since my grandfather was in the hospital#and I know she doesn't regret having her 6 kids#she loves her dozens of grands and great grands#but she's tired#and she was tired back then#I see it in my dad too. He was the oldest#He does what he needs to do then finds his little area to rest. He was parentified#he had to help raise the rest and escaped to college when he could#I'm an only child biologically. I have 6 stepsiblings. I helped take care of them at 11 years old#and the cycle continues#ex christian#religious trauma
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i'm going to be honest the mix of only 2 workdays + living alone + school + not much sunlight is not great for me
#not sleeping well is one of the biggest things that causes me nausea and while it's v manageable. it's also v annoying#like yeah i can do stuff and eat almost normally but i can't ignore it all the time#i'm fondly looking back at when i woke from top surgery and was full of anti nausea medicine. first time in YEARS i wasnt nauseous#or well. i am not constantly nauseous on an average day in a way i would notice it. but when you take hat away it's one of those#''oh my god some people get to live like this''#it doesn't bother my day to day life usually#but when it does it's annoying as hell#last time i was doing a con presentation i got a nausea episode RIGHT before it so i had to sit through the entire thing#though i dont think i messed up anything i was supposed to say!#i just need to start sleeping well and exercising and eating at regular times and never getting nervous about anything gfahgafkj#leevi talks#im having a complaining day today#but it's fine bc i have fun stuff this evening
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i find it endlessly humorous that i can refer to myself as a trans lesbian, despite being AFAB, yet people continuously 'clock' me as AMAB anyway. these two things are not related btw
#it also baffles me when people tell me that i Look Trans because it doesn't ever occur to me that i'm clockable#my gender is something i never think about since having gotten top surgery#i throw on whatever the fuck i wanna wear and revel in the confusion it causes people#yapping#two total strangers now have made the incorrect assumption that i am a trans woman#it's hilarious to me
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*deep nauseated sigh*
#things are going downhill#my bf wanted to come over tomorrow because he didn't want to spend the entire weekend without me#also wants sex#because we seldom have it because of me#and it started a huge argument over the phone because i was like “im sick” and then he asked about a half hour later when my off week is#and its in 3 days (counting today)#and i already feel like a piece of shit#but on TOP of that my mom had hip surgery tonight and if she gets discharged tomorrow she doesn't want him over#so that caused ANOTHER explosive argument that ended with him saying “you know what!? have a good night kiah”#im sick and angry and upset and i just don't fucking KNOW anymore
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literally so beyond fucked that I want to get a tattoo so bad but am Also afraid of commitment
#emiltalk#literally the same reason I haven't looked into any form of top surgery yet#like. what if I miss them </3#just ugghhhhhh even the tattoo ideas I have where it's like ok yea I for sure want this one. I have no doubts on this#I think about actually Getting them and I go. but what if I Did have doubts#aauuuu...........#thinking about this bc I've been thinking about that bite mark tattoo I wanna get#but like. idk <3#I reckon if I were to get a tattoo anytime soon it'd probably be that characters from yonder website homestar ankle tat I was thinking of#that seems like the safest least regrettable one lol#specifically him with his toing out <3 the sweetie baby#FUCK I forgot that girl in my cartooning class ages ago said I should get a meow tattoo#and like she was so right but idk....#as much as I can't imagine a future where I no longer love my beautiful little boy my main man my sweet cheese my rotten soldier meow#my meow meow boy my little man#like idk. I've got that adhd scatterbrain shit getting an oc tattoo doesn't seem like a good idea LOL#also like idk what I would have him doing for the tat </3 my sweet little boy man baby kitty cat thingy boy#do excuse me I'm halloween style tipsy (different from normal tipsy on account of I'm wearing a draclia cape <3)
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