#but at the same time is too scared to screw up the status quo by saying it

[highlifeboat]

Lmao, you really said, "I will have my canon transman! One way or another!"/lh

Nah, but really, you go off :p

Moira deserves more content 💜

I will, and if it can't be Jill (who I still wanna root for because she's still giving the vibe) it's gonna be the 20 year old afraid of fire arms who I've known for like... an hour.

Plus Moira would probably model himself after his dad, and I can actually tolerate Barry. Mostly because I don't remember him very well from the first game but I'm sure he was typical Macho Man Tough Shit.

Even though Moira is 100% giving Emo boy and not Macho Man.

(That said I promise nothing in terms of content)

It's not like I don't have transmen headcanons for characters that already looks like dudes, but I think a transman who hasn't actually started transitioning at all is... something. I dunno.

[addictedtostorytelling]

I miss your csi insights so I thought I’d post a question…

What do you think Grissom meant when he asked Sara if she has completed her counseling?

I’m reading a fic and the author’s take is that Grissom doesn’t want to be part of a twelve step program for closure.

This question has really stomped me as to what Grissom meant...obviously everyone is allowed to have their own interpretation, but I'm interested to hear yours 😊

hi, anon!

so my take on that line is that grissom is trying to remove unnecessary guilt from sara.

i draw this interpretation not only from grissom’s body language and tone—while some fans read him as trying to shut her down, to me, he seems much too bright-eyed and forward with the way he’s talking to her to really be in that business here; as he says the line, he looks her right in the eye and nods at her encouragingly—but also from the wider gsr context of early s5 and where they’re at in their relationship trajectory at this point.    

back in s4, grissom had been trying to impose arbitrary social distance between himself from sara in order to “set them both free;” however, he had been wildly unsuccessful in his efforts to do so, not only in the sense that he was never actually able to move on from sara emotionally or to encourage her to do the same from him but also insofar as he eventually ended up causing damage to sara by being so aloof/curt/harsh with her over the course of the year. 

come the events of episode 04x23 “bloodlines,” he finally realized just how badly he’d stepped in it with her when she narrowly escaped getting a dui. 

from there, he decided to change tacks: to step up and show her how much he actually did care for her, as opposed to trying (and failing) to pretend that he didn’t.

so going into s5, we see a much more open grissom when it comes to sara—one who is personally involved with her, who wears his heart on his sleeve, who not only unabashedly flirts with her but who is quick to remind her just how much she matters to him and to check in with her emotionally.

and, thankfully, it makes a world of difference: while all of sara’s life problems aren’t magically solved just because grissom is giving her the time of day again, she does really benefit from having his friendship and support, and their relationship at the start of the season especially is very strong, perhaps easygoing as it’s been since late s2.

so.

cut to episode 05x12 “snakes.”

on sara’s side of things, i think she’s looking at the last few months of interaction between her and grissom and going, “okay, so, i fucked up and scared the shit out of grissom with the whole drunk driving thing. immediately afterward, he felt like he had to be very hands-on with me and check up on me all the time. it took me a while to convince him that i didn’t need the kid glove-treatment, but now (after months of me toeing the line) i think he feels pretty confident in the fact that i am okay™—and not only okay but cool. i’ve shown him that i am capable of being friendly, collegial, chill, etc. honestly, things have been going pretty well for us. we’ve gotten to a place where we can be friends again. but now i have to be careful, because this is the point at which i would normally screw things up by coming on too strong with him. having his friendship again has been so amazing, and i don’t want to do anything to jeopardize it. i need to make sure that i don’t overstep, so i’m going to just talk to him and be up front—to tell him flat-out that i understand what’s what so he’ll know that i’m capable of maintaining the good status quo and not pushing.”

meanwhile, on grissom’s side, i think he’s looking at everything from the perspective that he was the one who was in error leading up to sara’s near-dui because he was being a weird, standoffish jerk who didn’t know how to manage his own hang-ups and emotions around her and that now it’s on him to “do penance” for it. while he knows he’s made progress toward being a better friend to sara ever since that turning point, he also feels as if the burden is still very much on him to finally do right by her. he knows he has a long way to go before he will finally undo all the damage he did to her self-esteem.

so then she walks into his office one day and starts apologizing to him for all sorts of things which he knows are not actually her fault, acting like she’s the one who’s not only to blame for the team split but also for whatever awkwardness there has been between them in the past (and, certainly, here, grissom can’t help but think about how he treated her during s4).

not only is she apologizing on professional grounds, but she’s also apologizing personally, insinuating that her personal feelings for grissom are part of the overall problem.

and, honestly—

grissom hates that he’s made her feel that way.

he’s given her such a guilt complex about their whole relationship dynamic, putting it in her head that she’s the one who’s been out-of-bounds, when in reality he’s been the one who’s been leading her on and confusing her and constantly changing the rules up on her for years.

so.

to break the interaction down:

sara comes into his office and leads off with, “we really haven’t had a chance to talk since the staff changes. i, uh—i wanted to let you know that i said some things to ecklie that might have done the team a disservice.”

grissom, quite sensibly and accurately, assures her, “ecklie wanted to break up the team, and he did.”

in no way is the team breakup her fault.

however, sara still feels (undue) guilt. she admits, “he asked me if you and i had had our post-peap counseling session—”

“—and we didn’t,” grissom acknowledges. however, the fact that they haven’t is hardly on her, and he tells her as much. “regardless, you should never have to cover for your boss. i’m sorry.”

here, sara’s façade of professionalism slips. 

she starts to get personal. 

very personal. 

“you’ve always been a little more than a boss to me,” she tells him, offering a timid smile. “why do you think i moved to vegas?” she smirks, trying to play off the enormity of what she’s just said. however, grissom isn’t oblivious; he realizes the nature of what she has just admitted to—not only in the sense that she’s just told him she’s (still) in love with him, but also in the sense that she’s attempting to take the blame for their whole impossible situation, which is exactly what she tells him in the next breath. “look, i know our relationship has been complicated. it’s probably my fault. it’s probably definitely my fault.”

check out sara’s body language and tone here: she is so skittish, blinking a lot, stammering; the self-consciousness is rolling off of her in waves.

but here’s the thing: in the past (and particularly during s4), grissom might have allowed sara to feel as if her feelings for and behavior around him were the problem—that she was the one who’d been out of line; that they had so much trouble being “just supervisor and subordinate” because she couldn’t rein herself in and just act normal™ in his presence.

not now, though.

grissom knows that he’s the one who has spent the last four and a half years giving her the runaround, always keeping her at arm’s length from him while at the same time never letting her fully go. he’s sent her so many mixed signals. been simultaneously too much and not enough. prioritized his needs at the expense of hers. made her feel guilty about things that never would have even been an issue if he could have just been honest with her from the start.

so to hear her sitting there, castigating herself, making it out that she’s the problem—

all he can think is that she needs to know it isn’t her fault.

that she isn’t in the wrong.

they’re not in the right environment and he’s not quite brave enough for him to tackle the larger implications of what she’s said regarding their feelings for each other and the course of their overall relationship immediately in this moment. however, he can talk about the more micro-level issue—which in a way is symbolic of the larger thing, anyway.

“you, uh, completed your counseling, right?” he asks, and he’s trying to point out to her is that she hasn’t been remiss in anything; that there’s no reason for her to feel guilty.

he means to absolve her: not only did she complete her required counseling, just like she was asked to, but, lest she forget, she even tried to approach him to talk about it earlier in the year (see episode 05x01 “viva las vegas”).

—he’s the one who failed to follow up.

so when she can honestly answer yes, she did do all her sessions, he hopes that it will make her feel better.

he also hopes, when he asks her how her sessions went, that he’s repenting a bit of his misstep—finally doing now what he should have done back in september.

that’s been his whole mo with her, ever since he picked her up from the waiting room at pd eight months ago: to try to undo whatever harm he’s inflicted a little bit at a time, as much as he can; to apologize for the things he’s able to; to change his behavior and do better.

and his hope is that eventually he’ll get to a place where he’s not just in a position to try to make up for past mistakes but where he can proactively be the thing he needs her to be—where he can finally step up and be brave and own up to their feelings for each other in a way that would really mean something.

he doesn’t quite make it there in the course of this conversation—though, personally, i think that if sara had given him just a few more seconds before she got scared and cut the conversation off abruptly, he might have—but he’s definitely trending that way.

the very next episode is, of course, episode 05x13 “nesting dolls.”

he’s working up to finally saying what he should have told her years ago, to finally doing what he should have done years ago.

it’s a process.

“it’s not your fault” > “it’s my fault, and i’m sorry” > “now i’m going to do what i should have done before.”

anyway, that’s my take:

“you, uh, completed your counseling, right?” is grissom’s way of reminding sara that despite what she might think, she’s not the one who blew it. it’s him shifting the blame off of her and back onto himself—or at least that’s what he means it to be.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.   

[oshiawaseni]

It's truly tragic that Aoyama’s parents were so scared of him... going through what Izuku did, that they resorted to such drastic measures. And tbh, what Izuku went through is still messing him up a bit even now, to the point that his bestie almost can’t even let him out of his sight anymore, so my take away from this is Aomaman and Aopapa were acting like super helicopter parents. Doing whatever they could to safeguard Aoyama’s development. 

I’m a little suspicious this might have been a decision somewhat made for themselves, though. That a part of them didn’t want to deal with the future that awaited, so they decided for him, framing it to him like it was all for his sake or that it was the only way for him to fit in with society. 

After all, Izuku went through all of elementary and middle school suffering antagonism and rejection from classmates, from teachers, and worst of all, from the hands of his best friend. That’s probably why Inko cried for him so hard and became stressed. She knew the tough future he was going to face and felt such helplessness from it all. 

But you know what? Her radiant bundle of sunshine boy came out the other side so beautifully, after such a long and trying time, because Inko made damn sure to pour so much love into her quirkless Izuku as he grew up and suffered those hardships. 

Yet facing the same situation and feelings as Inko, Aomaman and Aopapa weren’t able to accept their son just as he was and came to their own conclusions on what to do about it, without considering repercussions. 

Look at the amount of suffering and heartbreak on his face because of his parents’ misguided and selfish choices, the despair from his family’s imprisonment by AFO and the guilt of putting another family he loves dearly at risk. It was all for something which he had no say in to begin with. The anguish he has suffocated in from being forcibly bound to villainy to keep his parents alive all this time is not even comparable to anything he would have faced from being born quirkless. 

I get that his parents are saying “We didn’t know this would happen.” But wow that’s such a cop out. How the hell did these two not understand there might be severe consequences to dialling 1800-GET-A-QUIRK and placing the livelihood of their entire family at the mercy of the world’s most notorious devil? In what reality is this final result a hindsight 20/20?

This whole situation is so screwed up and you can kinda see this plot’s angle is once again pointing towards the society being at fault for making them feel so cornered, that they actually chose to engage with sussy shit to bruteforce him a quirk in the first place.

This hero loving society that reveres those possessing quirk excellency yet behind all of the virtue signalling, rejects and ostracises the quirk divergent, mutants and hybrids so discriminately. A system that causes the ‘abnormal’ people to feel like they will never have a place in the world.

Then that pushes a lot of them to turn to villainy and the cycle is primed to repeat once again with even more public hysteria and fear of them than before. One big wheel of growing prejudice that spins itself around, tirelessly. Sure, this story will try to solve this overarching theme for the future generations, but as for the current gen, the price has already been paid. It’s simply too late...

Regardless of these external factors, hero society being awful, whatever excuse can be or will be made for this situation, Aomaman and Aopapa were the idiotas who bought into this trash status quo. The prejudice against Aoyama’s quirklessness began in his own home. They’ve long since forfeited their rights to be his parents and this fandom has already adopted him. *indignant huff* 😤

[flowerflamestars]

Man with that one single new snippet with Nesta and Mor you actually point out one big problem I have with her. The fact that. She has ALL the power! she is strong and she would have the IC even perhaps backing her if she wanted to go do something about the CoN situation. But she does. Absolutely. Nothing.

She can do so much, she could just kill Keir and everything, rip the rotten roots out of his court, do reformations, etc. But again, she does nothing. It's extremely frustrating really. And I'm hoping that she will realize some important things/change her mind about them. But so far with what you're going for, that's exactly the kind of character

arc/development she needs.

I mean, the Big Mor Flaw, to me, is a writing flaw first and foremost: the narrative wants/needs/insists Morrigan is a feminist icon/Perfect Survivor/golden example and then....bends her character in every which way to avoid giving her any agency, power, or sense of personal growth.

She's not really a person?

She's a) a poorly used plot device and b) a hot prop Feminist for Feyre

She isn't allowed an arc- or even a remotely consistent vibe.

The Keir thing makes no sense because Morrigan doesn't get to make character decisions.

Keir is alive because Rhysand needs someone to run the Actual Court (why this cannot be Mor, who is already the in between??? Sexism). Keir is alive to create drama and justify feysands weird evil cosplay. We know Azriel wants him dead- we can assume the same of Cassian. We know Feyre was way too into Rhys breaking his arm. We know Rhysand finds him a canny, formidable enemy.

We ASSUME Morrigan hates her father, but we know??? that he gave her a sense of shame she internalized and carried to this day. that she's afraid of him? that she was given a job that means she sees him, on his turf, constantly??

ugh.

So what I love to do for Mor is make her messy. Draw some of those disparate things together.

And that never works better- and yes, I know the books set it up by accident- than when we contextualize her and Nesta as foils.

Nesta needs to heal now- Morrigan has spent five hundred years dealing. Nesta's power is such a horror no one who meets her can't detect might- Morrigan never once uses her 'mountain shaking' power on page. Nesta drinks and sleeps around while she's grieving- Morrigan drinks when she's upset and sleeps with men she doesn't want to enforce boundaries. Nesta is to be feared (to the point of the other's thinking she's a threat to her sisters)- Morrigan is to be protected (even in ways she does not ask for, that scare her).

We go further in Your Heart: Morrigan was given the benefit of endless time and has thus, put off making a lot of important choices.

Nesta was treated like a year to mourn was too long, and made some huge swings because she felt, correctly, like she was being backed into a corner.

Nesta- much like how she bursts onto the scene, undeniable and infuriating- forces that status quo to break.

Morrigan has to make a choice: she can take the throne, or she can give it to someone else.

The reckoning came about a thousand years too early and she doesn't know what to do. it was always the plan but it wasn't The Plan. She never let go of the possibility- never let Az kill Keir- but she also avoided making the choice so long she's never faced the fact that....frankly, the men in her life will not let her stand alone. Even if it's what she wants. They've worked around her wishes for centuries and Morrigan cannot, cannot, handle going back to the Hewn City victorious and still being scared.

Still, a Queen finally, being disrespected and used.

And Nesta, even disliking her, is just enough Nesta to be like: look. Do it right, or not at all. You want things to change? Change them. You have the power

BUT ALSO

When Rhysand inevitably tries to fuck you over, or your friends ignore all boundaries and screw things up, I, because I started this, will back you up.

Because it's the right thing to do to protect a whole city of people.

Morrigan is like... 15% of the way down a journey she thinks she's actually at a comfy 86% of. She isn't a bad person, but she's made some messy choices. She's flawed- but still important!

[johns-prince]

Let's play the speculation game and say McLennon was real. Going with the common idea that Paul dumped John in India, wasn't the "let's all be friends, write together and go on double dates with our wives" angle Paul seemed to hope for completely delusional? Why would someone with John's issues stick around and celebrate Paul's happiness with someone else after being downgraded?

I have great respect for Paul's decision of not being John's nanny/handler for the rest of his life. But I've always been annoyed by his inability to let the man go for good. Paul, you've made your choice, my friend. Enough with the sad songs about not being called back or turning up on John's doorstep with a guitar when the he was spending time with his own family. People hate that but some things in the world really are black or white. You can't have it both ways.

Why speculate when we know it was and is real 

Alright so, let me try to unpack my thoughts cohesively get ya tinfoil hats on y’all;

If we go with the theory that during 1967, when Paul and John were practically living together and conjoined at the hip, taking LSD together and sharing those intense and intimate experiences that even Pau’s girlfriend Jane had become envious of— John had come to the realization of what he wanted, finally acknowledged it and came to accept it. 

So in India, John tried to confront Paul about their relationship and their “relationship,” and openly admit to Paul that he wanted more, that he was now willing to leave Cynthia and Julian for a life he truly wanted or desired, and that included Paul (but to what extent is what we debate I guess) 

And now that I’m thinking about it, we also know John was sort of beginning to spiral downward in 1968. It was obvious his marriage with Cynthia was at it’s end, and he didn’t want to work on it anymore. He was surrounding himself more with druggies, an unsavory crowd that Cynthia really didn’t approve of (Yoko was part of this crowd) and he was actively pulling away.  

I think John was realizing that, he just wasn’t happy. That, putting everything he had into becoming one of the most successful musicians in the world, to become bigger then Elvis Presley, didn’t make him happy. It didn’t fix what needed fixing in him, what needed addressing. He was still drowning despite it all. 

So you’ve got the trip to India, the boys going in hopes that perhaps the Maharishi Mahesh Yog and his spiritual teachings would somehow give a new perspective on things, produce the answer that would save the band (save John and Paul) from what appeared to be an inevitable downfall. But as we know, that isn’t what was needed. 

John and Paul needed to talk. The lack of consistent communication between them for years and years, and the fact John needed a therapist, he needed rehab. So did Paul, during the White Album era. 

I don’t believe Paul dumped John, but I do think John could have easily misconstrued Paul taking a step back and not willing to just go blindly, impulsively jumping off a theoretical cliff with him, as being rejected. We know Paul had to sort of take the position of ‘think before you leap’, to be more conscious of the actions and decisions he and the others decide to take, and how it would effect them as individuals, and especially them as a band (because frankly the others wouldn’t) and we know that John could be incredibly impulsive, only thought of the consequences after the fact. That, and who’s to say such a proposition and confrontation from John hadn’t scared Paul? Got him feeling those insecurities of his own crawling up. 

Paul wanted a traditional family, he wanted to have a wife and children. But Paul also wanted John, he wanted and loved Lennon-McCartney, and he didn’t think (or he’d hoped) him getting married and having a family would really change anything between them (because John got married and had a kid and they were still able to do go and do whatever they wanted together, so what was the difference—) that he could still keep what he had with John, that they could still stay together after The Beatles split. Get around to writing that musical, and grow old together still writing and making music, still creating together.

How I see it, is that Paul wanted to have his cake and eat it too.

Paul, being fine with keeping the status quo between them, it was safe and enough (right?), but John vehemently wasn’t fine with it anymore, and it wasn’t enough for him. Nothing was enough for him, as we know; John was a very all-or-nothing individual, and expected complete devotion and love from someone, because receiving less felt like rejection and abandonment was only around the corner. This way of feeling and thinking for John was only exasperated by the drugs, his alcoholism, and his spiraling mental health. 

Paul could have tried compromising with John, and John still could have taken that as a complete rejection of his feelings and what he wanted, and what he had hoped and thought Paul also wanted. 

I believe Paul probably didn’t even know himself what he had done wrong, or that he did anything wrong. I don’t think Paul believed he was downgrading John to anything either.

If only they had talked.

Then they returned from India, and the rest as we know it...

“To me, a summary is something like: “gifted, disturbed boy with tremendous amount of drive to outrun a bad childhood discovers love for music and creative soulmate(s) and gives everything he has to become the most famous musician in the world, hoping it will make him happy. He does, but it doesn’t, and people who don’t have his best interests separate him from his friends, his creation and creative spark, and ultimately himself. He’s too screwed up by addiction, mental illness, and unaddressed traumas to change things, so he retreats further into addiction and mental illness, wishing he could somehow regain his lost spark. He makes a few halfway steps toward doing so, but they’re not enough, and ultimately he is killed in front of his apartment building where, 24 hours later, his wife installs the man she had been sleeping with behind his back.”"

— Michael Bleicher, The Artist as a Dissipated Man: Fred Seaman’s “The Last Days of John Lennon.”

Right, so both John and Paul made their choices in life. Some choices and decisions that we as fans and outside observers might never be able to understand, or agree with.

But who’s to say Paul (and John), couldn’t, didn’t, or don’t regret those choices and decisions? 

I get what you’re saying, I understand. Why can’t Paul move on? He made his choices, why is it 40, 50 years later, that Paul can’t just let John go? Let sleeping dogs lie, all that.

Because Paul loved John, still loves John, to this day. 

Because, clearly Paul has some regrets. He regrets how things were handled during the Divorce. He regrets not hugging John enough. He regrets not telling John, when he had the chance and time, that he loved him (and without the help of alcohol) When you love someone so deeply, and suddenly, without warning, they’re taken from you and the world, you regret a lot, and you miss what could have been, the ‘What if’s.’ 

Paul said that what he and John were, were soulmates. I don’t know how it feels to lose a soulmate. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to know how it feels to get the opportunity to love and be around them. 

How awful do you think it is to meet your soulmate, but you cannot freely love them? Can’t just, be, with them? Not in just one way, bestmates, legendary partners, but, as everything that the word Soulmate brings along and includes with it? 

That God decided to have them be of the same sex, during a time where it was illegal to love and be with someone of the same sex, and could even be a potential death sentence to be assumed or thought of as a ‘queer.’ 

So, you take whatever you can with them. 

Then that isn’t enough. One grows restless, desperate for more. It can’t happen, not realistically, not without consequences of varying degrees. 

Strain, miscommunication to none. They communicate through a musical, artistic language which just isn’t enough. Drugs, alcohol, mental illness and emotional turmoil, it’s all too much. It breaks. Soulmates are still flawed human beings. 

You have people who work to purposefully pin them against each other. Parasites and piggybackers. 

A nasty divorce and breakup between two lovers that never were.

And then, after ten years, it’s happening. You two are talking again, things are tense and awkward still sometimes, but something’s changed. You’ve planned on reuniting, couldn’t do it this year, because the studio you wanted was booked. So you plan for after the New Year. 

Then, your soulmate is killed. Just, taken away from you, like nothing. Violently and suddenly. And all the possibilities... The time... Gone. Ripped away from both of you.

I can’t blame Paul for not letting go. I can’t say I’d ever be able to understand the sort of pain and heartbreak he experienced. He still goes through it! It’s still there. He’s just learned how to manage it a bit better. 

I’d say it’s more pathetic then it is annoying— and I don’t mean it in a way to insult Paul. I really don’t. Because John was just as pathetic when it came to his obvious obsession, desire, and love for Paul, too. 

Love, that kind of soul-deep love, it can make you pathetic and hopeless. And it’s not something you can just... let go for good. 

Wanting, or expecting Paul to let go of John for good... Firstly would be impossible, and secondly, how do you let go of a soulmate? John is a part of Paul, whether some like it or not. Can’t really have one without the other. 

Can’t have Lennon without McCartney, and vice-or-versa. Forever intertwined, are they.

[zerochanges]

2020 Favorite Anime

I am sure I don’t have to exactly spell it out that 2020 was a different year, we all know the spiel now. It was in particular a bad year for me for a lot of personal reasons on top of the whole world wide pandemic thing killing millions and shutting down business and and all our hobbies--so I really was straight up not having a good time. It’s because of that I honestly didn’t really keep up with a lot of my hobbies this year so when it comes to choosing my favorite anime and games of 2020, I don’t have as much as I usually would. 

So this year I decided to just say screw it, there are no rules. I usually try to impose some on myself every year for my lists: rules like no sequels, no long running shows, no shows that technically started last year, only new content from this year and not older stuff I watched/played this year but came out from a prior one. This time, there are no holds barred. I am just going to list my top whatever the hell I feel like listing. So starting with anime and in my usual alphabetical order; here we go.

The 8th Son? Are You Kidding Me?

Maybe a guilty pleasure? Maybe I just enjoy some trashier shows? It’s hard to say. There is nothing that great about 8th Son, it’s very bland and doesn’t stick out amongst the million other isekai (another world) power fantasy series that are all the rage now and yet there is a strange draw to it. Perhaps it’s because almost all the isekai elements in the series feel more forced than anything else, like they are just tacked on to appeal to modern audiences. 

8th Son honestly feels more like a good old fashion fantasy series from the 90’s that just had to add isekai elements in it to appeal to kids today. I really enjoyed it for that aspect. The power fantasy isn’t too out of control (although the protagonist is quite strong), and there is no real end goal or attempt to return to your previous life. The protagonist Wendelin is more or less just cool with how things are now. Instead it focuses on his growth as a mage and how he tries to navigate the political intrigue of this feudal world being one of the youngest born in a noble family with no clear line of succession to take over yet being the most talented and magically gifted child of said family. 

Ascendance of a Bookworm

Proving that not all isekai series have to be a power fantasy, Ascendance of a Bookworm plays out more like an educational take on medieval times, think something among the lines of Spice and Wolf, if you will. One day Motosu Urano wakes up in the body of the small child Myne in a fantasy world much like medieval Europe but with a few other elements like magic and sorcery. While at first that may sound like a high flying adventure it really isn’t. The series is more about following the average life of a peasant in this world and how far out of reach literature is to them, given the lack of printing press and the like. Urano now Myne tries her best to create books for the common people and spread literature, a herculean task considering the insane douchebaggery of the higher caste in this world. But armed with modern day knowledge of the 21st century Myne is able to create modern conveniences and wow most people around her.

Black Clover

So I am going to include long running shows now this year, get over it. Black Clover has been a favorite of mine in recent years. Out of the modern Jump battle series I find myself more and more drawn into Clover (and also my one true love, the ever underappreciated World Trigger) than the other more popular ones that seem to rule all the anime conversations today. Since I was following the series dubbed as it aired on Toonami this year brought me the end of the first part of the series; finally seeing the epic conclusion of Clover Kingdom’s long standing battle with the Eye of the Midnight Sun and revealing some pretty great and shocking twists behind the war of elves and humans along the way. 

This finale was fantastic and honestly while I am glad to see the series continue on and grow from there, and look forward to seeing more of this new second part of Clover that focuses on a war with the Spade Kingdom, I absolutely would not have complained if the whole thing ended right here with this story arc. It wraps up so beautifully and is a compilation of three great years of episodes. 

BOFURI: I Don’t Want to Get Hurt so I’ll Max Out My Defense

Bofuri is not a series I thought I would enjoy as much as I did but it really won me over. Essentially just a ‘cute girls do cute things’ kind of show but with a twist of it being in an MMO game, there is something about it that made it so comfy and easy to watch. There’s always something enjoyable about watching the protagonist Maple, an absolutely clueless newbie at video games continue to be the bane of existence to the developers and admins of the game as she constantly breaks it and becomes insanely overpowered on a regular basis all from her own cluelessness. 

As the title suggests she is the only person in the world to get scared of taking damage in a video game and puts all her stats into defense and literally nothing else entirely. After so much grinding the girl is such a tank she can just walk through enemies to kill them. It’s fun little things like this that make the show always worth a chuckle as her legendary player status continues to rise while in reality she just has no clue how to play RPGs whatsoever. 

Boruto: Naruto Next Generations

If you think Black Clover had a great run of episodes this year in 2020 just wait until you see what Boruto had to offer. While not a perfect year, the series did take off for about 2 months thanks to a pandemic hiatus, once it came back it was stronger than ever. We came out of the gates running and kicked off the return of Boruto with a fantastic 20+ episode long story arc centered on introducing the main group of villains in the series, the Kara. The world of Boruto became much bigger and much darker, and the series in the last year has started to bring in a lot more manga content and moving at a brisker and faster pace, changing the status quo up quite a lot. Watching the New Team 7 grow so much and rise to these challenges was rewarding and I am so excited for the vessel story arc teased at the latest Jump Festa this December. 

Ultimately though their first encounter, crushing defeat, and subsequent rematch with Deepa; a new anime only member of Kara meant to introduce the organization to anime viewers was an insane show de force of animation and one of the best battles in 2020 anime, dare I say. These kids are growing into great warriors and the stakes have been raised so much.

Cardfight!! Vanguard Gaiden IF

The 2018 reboot of the Vanguard series saw not only the card game get refreshed but the television anime as well. Dubbed the V Series by fans thanks to all the new card serial numbers starting with a V post reboot, these last two years have been fun and full of fan service for long time viewers of the anime. Gaiden IF is the final season of this reboot before the fourth entry of the franchise Overdress begins in 2021, and was a very strange and experimental one at that. Gaiden IF holding true to its name was a gaiden, or spinoff of the series that wasn’t necessary in the same canon as the regular show and more fascinating had zero card fights during the entire show--instead being one huge parody of card game animes in general and the beloved cast of characters the series has built over its ten year run. 

It’s quite hilarious and a great round of fun, especially since there isn’t a main character in sight. Gaiden IF is carried entirely by a cast of side characters and former villains now taking over the role of protagonist. I’ve never seen a show go for an entire season with such minor characters playing such a huge role and that is one of the best aspects of it. Every week watching Ibuki Kouji, one of the most feared and powerful villains in the series being tormented and kicked around as a would-be hero now honestly carries the entire show. 

But really, this was one of the first anime to air post pandemic hiatus and it was so refreshing to have Vanguard back. Every week it reminded me how much I loved the franchise and anime in general, it was such a delight to finally have something enjoyable back in my life after such a grueling pandemic hiatus of nothing. 

Dragon Quest: Dai no Daibouken (2020)

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think there would be a modern adaptation of Dai no Daibouken, or The Adventures of Dai as it is being called in English now. This was one of my all time favorite Jump manga growing up and I always thought the original unfinished 1991 anime was the best we were ever going to get as far as animation goes, so to see this beautiful new series with its fantastic storyboarding and animation, great use of CG mixed in with hand drawn, and what seems like an outright declaration from the series itself that it will adapt the series in its entirety this time, it’s all too much. 

This new Dai adaptation is like a dream anime that was made just for me. Every Saturday morning I giddily log on to watch the new episode just like being a kid again with Saturday morning cartoons. If you are sleeping on this show, don’t! You won’t regret watching it, Dai was one of the all time great Shonen Jump properties of the 90’s and is ready to show kids today what that era has to offer!

Gundam Build Divers Re:rise Season 2

Rerise was hands down one of my favorite shows last year when the first cour aired, and this year is no different either, dare I say once again this was probably my favorite show of the whole year. It’s hard to really go into what made this second cour so good without flat out spoiling all the best parts, and all the character development, and all the amazing battles, but suffice to say, this may be one of the best Gundam shows of the entire decade, Build series or not. Hell I ain’t afraid to say this kicked G-Tekketsu (Iron Blooded Orphans) ass this way to Sunday, I don’t care that this is a toy commercial for a much younger audience. Basically, watch Rerise, it’s going to be a great time. 

If My Favorite Pop Idol Made It to the Budokan, I Would Die

This was another series that I expected very little from but ended up really enjoying each week. The basic premise is pretty simple, a super fan obsessed with an idol (singer) goes to insane lengths to support her and thinks her love will never be reciprocated but maybe it just might be. It’s kinda strange and an unusual romance series that isn’t really all that big on romance. In fact it seems to be much bigger on being informative about idol fan culture and nerd culture in general and poking fun at that while never being too mean spirited. 

I think that’s the charm of this one. These are by all extent weird kinda creepy people that are obsessed over young girl singers but it never demonizes its cast for that nor does it ever go too far in the power fantasy of them ‘getting the girl’. It’s about the struggle of fan life and the tightknit and utterly bizarre groups of friends you can make in a fandom--and also maybe some love might happen along the way.

Jujutsu Kaisen

Another big modern shonen jump battle manga got its chance to be animated this year, and this time courtesy of studio Mappa who are the real stars of this party. Everything about Jujutsu Kaisen feels like Mappa throwing down the gauntlet and trying to one-up the highly praised and beloved Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba from last year that wowed everyone with UFOtable’s signature beautiful animation. It’s very fascinating to see the insane levels of gorgeous jaw dropping action set pieces between these two series, both raising the bar to ridiculous levels in their own ways. On top of the animation front though are some very easily lovable characters, a much darker feeling supernatural story than one may expect, and probably Crunchyroll’s best dub produced in 2020. 

Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!

Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken is another series from beloved auteur Masaaki Yuasa. Bringing with it his signature style and wonderful animation, his hardworking compatriots at studio Science Saro deliver something truly special, an anime about why anime is great and just how the heck it is made to begin with. I think one of my favorite aspects of Yuasa’s work is just how sincere almost his entire output is, and how you can really feel a certain kind of emotion and vision behind each work that is unique to it. For Eizouken it is definitely the joy of creation and what it means to pursue something creative. Easily one of the best watches of 2020 for both its visuals, sound design, characters with great chemistry that have to deliver very heavy and technical dialogue but do so in a really natural and enjoyable way--and hey the shows within the show that the girls make are also usually pretty interesting and good too.

MAJOR 2nd Season 2

I think my favorite aspect of this new middle school arc of MAJOR 2nd was seeing just how much Daigo has changed over the years since we last saw him in elementary school in the first season. No longer in little league and now trying to save his school’s baseball club, Daigo has grown into a strong leader and really feels natural with everyone he talks to. It’s a huge departure from the bullied and reclusive selfish kid he was in the first season. Seeing the kid grow up into somebody reliable and caring like this almost brings a tear to my eye. 

It’s an old cliché but saving the falling apart club in your school is a classic underdog story and the fact that Daigo built his own team from the ground up really sells it. The team is largely made up of girls too which brings a really great girl power aspect to it as well. With just 3 boys and the rest of the positions being filled with females, the haphazard team Daigo put together not only has to show that nobodies can make it but that girls are just as good as the boys.

Rent-a-Girlfriend

I love trashy romcom harem anime, I will be the first to admit it. I am not even their target audience, in fact I am probably the exact opposite of their target audience yet I can’t get enough of this kind of garbage, and Rent-a-Girlfriend brings in the garbagest of garbage it can! The name says it all right there, our hero is literally so pathetic he has to pay girls money to go on dates with him. And he just continues to ruin everything around him with his constant lying and all around patheticness. He is like a blackhole of suck that will drag down any and all that go near him. What more can you even want?! 

I am half facetious here of course, but to an extent what I said about Kazuya isn’t wrong. He’s the biggest loser around, and I love him. It’s fun to watch him squirm, and it’s nice to learn more about him and see he has a good side deep down too. In a lot of ways he’s probably one of the more relatable leads in these kinds of shows as he’s just as pathetic as all the rest of us who watch these kinds of shows are. But besides Kazuya there are plenty of nice leading ladies too and probably most surprisingly a fairly well fleshed out circle of friends that he hangs out with. Usually these kinds of shows will sideline the male friends of the leads and only focus on time between the lead and the girls, so it’s refreshing to see so much time spent with other boys in the show too. 

Also as an addendum to anyone who watches the series dubbed, Aleks Le‘s performance as the lead role is maybe some of the best casting in modern anime dubbing I have ever heard. He kills it in this show. It’s a performance that carries the entire show. 

Shadowverse

You might say, I saved the best for last, but honestly this was a coincidence. Shadowverse is a by-the-numbers card game anime. It starts very slow and very bland, and offers nothing new to the genre instead sticking entirely to the classic tropes and clichés of sports anime and Yu-Gi-Oh clones alike. That is for the first 12 episodes or so. It begins to evolve and gets a little more interesting from there, then something happens. Something I cannot explain. Something that makes no sense. Something that the production committee probably should not have allowed to occur. The show just goes absolutely, positively, certifiably, fucking insane. 

Out of nowhere, the plot suddenly turns into a straight Neon Genesis Evangelion knock-off, complete with plugsuits, random nonsense mysticism from exotic religions, and soul crushing nightmarishly harsh treatment of the child protagonists. Suddenly time freezes for everyone but the main characters, and the totally original not Kabbalah, Tree of Woe, begins to end the world. Now armed with their new psychic powers (that they just have now out of nowhere!) the kids have to fight brain washed former enemies and loved ones alike that seek to destroy the world via assimilation into the darkness. 

Suddenly we have moments like the above where Luca, the coldhearted and cool Shadowverse player who only ever began fighting in tournaments to earn money for his younger sick sister’s treatment has to face off against a possessed evil version of his sister who bemoans all the isolation he put her through, never being there with her, always away trying to earn money. She berates and destroys the young man’s heart for his well intentions. Luca with no other options has to put her down for the good of the world. 

You know, for the 12 year old kids in the audience that signed up for a show about a cellphone app.

I haven't even gotten to the best part yet, the show isn’t over! There’s still 12 episodes left in the series and do you wanna know the best part?! The heroes already failed! The world blew up and everyone got sucked into a blackhole and died! That’s not a joke. The bad guys won. And there’s still another season worth of episodes to go! I am not kidding, this is how the show ended the year 2020! This is legendary, no fucks given status if I ever saw it. The best way to end 2020 if ever there was one:

Every week I anxiously log on to watch Shadowverse after it jumped the shark just to see what insanity happens next. This is Tommy Wiseau The Room energy levels of pure insane dribble. Shadowverse might be the biggest disaster of a card game anime of all time, and I simply cannot get enough of it now.  

BONUS THOUGHTS For 2020

Random Anime Collecting: This year saw Discotek release three Case Closed/Detective Conan movies on blu-ray. Detective Conan is a series near and dear to my heart, and one I spent a lot of my college days obsessed over. This is a franchise I really went to great lengths to collect after Funimation reprinted many of the long time out of print volumes of the series back in 2013, and I bought them all back then. Buying new Detective Conan movies in 2020 felt super surreal, and also wonderful. I really hope I can keep buying more in 2021.

Hidive for these hard times: I didn’t include anything really from Sentai, I am not sure why, maybe none of what I watched this year would count as a favorite of mine, maybe I was just lazy and didn’t want to add to my list anymore. Honestly though I watched a lot of series this year on Hidive. I think my favorite has been the new dub of Pet Girl of Sakurasou. 

A Lost Classic: Nobody is talking about God Mazinger finally getting released in English from Discotek and that kind of bums me out. The series was one I obsessed over when younger, especially because it was rare to find even raw footage of it lead alone subtitled. It was never subtitled in fact, so Discotek’s release is the first time it has ever been in English. 

[hockeybabestars]

Anything Quinn Hughes!!

i wrote half of this in a 2 am stupor and then reread it in the middle of the day when i wasn’t sleep deprived and decided to rewrite so here ya go lol, love my quinny boy.

48. we don’t like each other but we’re at a mutual friends christmas party and keep getting caught under the mistletoe together 

“I always thought the whole mistletoe thing was so cliche.” I rolled my eyes at the group, who had settled down after dinner and somehow ended up on the overemphasized holiday garnish.

“I think it’s kinda cute.” Emma clasped her hands together, “I don’t know, kind of gives you an excuse... or a push, to show someone you love them.” 

“You don’t need a plant to show someone you love them or have a reason to kiss them.” Elias started.

“Thanks Petey.” I nodded in approval.

Jake butted in, “How do you not like mistletoe?”

“I don’t know, it just feels like a ruse.” I bite sarcastically and Brock snorts out a sardonic laugh as if to mock me. I glared at him jokingly.

“Mistletoe is just supposed to add to the merriment of the season! Don’t be such a Scrooge (Y/N/N)!”  

“I’m not a Scrooge! I love Christmas just not mistletoe.”

“You just don’t like it because you’ve never been kissed under it.” Jake laughed. And Brock just raised his brows as if this was news to him. It wasn’t.

“Hey now, no need to throw jabs.” I chuckle. His teasing didn’t bother me in the slightest. I did however, take a quick glance at Quinn, who was only listening intently with a neutral expression, and then my eyes flickered to the greenery hanging in the doorway to the living room. Emma wasn’t joking. I swore I saw the damned thing everywhere in this house. I was being extra careful to make it out without getting caught underneath. Especially with him.

I didn’t know what it was about Quinn that just rubbed me the wrong way but maybe we could start with how it seemed he didn't care about even trying to make me feel included or part of the friend group whenever he was around. And every time I tried to make an effort with him I was ignored. Brock was my best friend. I was always around. You would think that Quinn could at least try to meet me halfway? It didn’t help that I harboured a teensy crush on him when we first met. But that all dissipated into awkward silences and trying anyway to escape the others company, just for the fact that it was sheerly uncomfortable. I didn’t want to embarrass myself anymore than I had already in making an effort.

It was upsetting. Brock told me about him and from what I could tell it seemed like we would be great friends. It didn’t matter though, we were okay with being acquaintances at best. At least- I think I was. It didn’t matter that we didn’t talk or even like each other, whenever I saw him my stupid heart would flutter.

After our mistletoe debate, Brock got up to take his plate to the dishwasher and most of us followed. I was tucked in the far corner of the dining room, and I wanted to be last out so I could clear the doorway with ease.

Everyone had already made their way into the living room as I tried to quickly step through the doorway but Quinn tried to brush past me back into the dining room at the same time and it just didn’t work. He almost knocked the plate out of my hand, but a steady arm reached out to balance my teetering body. I looked up at him and tried to say something, but his hazel eyes looked different now, softer almost, than I had ever seen them. And for a split second I thought I may get lost in them, but then I realized we were under the mistletoe. By the time I looked back at him he had disappeared through the other side of the door and I was left with a dirty dish and the ghost of his hand on my hip. 

Confusion swirled around my brain. Was I thinking about- kissing him? No. Things with Quinn would stick to the status quo, no matter how badly I wished things were different between us, they weren’t. I needed to get that through my thick skull. 

I brought my plate into the kitchen to see Brock slaving over the dishes. “Dish duty huh?” I handed him my plate but then started loading the ones he rinsed off into the empty dishwasher.

He smiled, graciously accepting my tag team, “I offered.”

“Of course you did.” I grinned at my best friend's kindness, “-so well mannered.”

“Hey-“ he said, pointing a fork at me, “my mother raised me right!”

I saw Quinn pass through the doorway into the living room and my eyes trailed after him, but quickly glanced back to Brock. Apparently I wasn’t as slick as I thought.

Brock nodded his head in that general direction, “What's up with you two?” He had a hint of mirth in his tone as he finished rinsing the last dish off and handed it to me. I put it in the washer and hopped on the counter after I started it. “I dunno, He always ignores me? I guess I feel like I did something wrong to make him not like me. Ya know?”

“(Y/N),” Brock looked at me as if he knew something I didn’t and leaned against the counter, “trust me, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Well then why doesn’t he talk to me? I’ve tried so many times and it never sticks. He looks like he’s bored of me the minute I enter a room.” I frown and cross my arms. It was a little frustrating.

“I think he’s a little shy around you that’s all.” Brock smiles.

“If he was just ‘shy’ I think he would’ve come around by now.” I joke, but still, “it’s been, what, 5 months since I met the guy? I think he’s said two words to me the entire time.”

“Are you mad about it?” My best friend grinned, “cause you sound like you’re mad about it.” He was more than smirking at this point but I knew he saw through me. He may be a little shit but I knew he wouldn’t tell my secrets to the the team. So I’m honest. “A little! It bothers me that he doesn’t talk to me, I can usually make conversation with anybody! But noooo not Quinn! He has to be all quiet and mysterious and chill and he probably doesn’t even like me!” I was making assumptions, but that’s all I had to go on.

Brock laughs, and I shove him a little bit. “So what I’m hearing is, that crush you had before, never really went away.”

I shook my head. I hated how he had me pegged. “Don’t worry about it (Y/N/N),” he patted me on the shoulder, “I’m sure he’ll come around.” He smirked and headed for the living room and all I could do was follow.

I swung my legs down over the counter and went into Stech’s living room. Everyone was piled onto the couch to watch a Christmas movie. But the only seat left was on the end. Next to Quinn. I awkwardly walked over and quietly asked if I could sit next to him. He only nodded. We were watching The Grinch and I could hear his mumbling as I sat down next to him “how fitting.”

“Is it because of the mistletoe thing?” I whispered as I tried to get comfortable but there was quite literally no room. I finally gave up and when I looked at him, his eyes were wide.

“What?” his voice was low and there was a deep line furrowing his forehead.

“Are you calling me a grinch because I said I didn’t get the point of it?” I wasn’t mad per sei, this was the most he had ever talked to me, and I was going to pick his brain. I had no choice but to lean against him all squished on the couch and his body was stiff as a board.

“Oh.” a little tension released, “No, I mean, I don’t get why you don’t get it, but then again, I don’t get a lot of things about you.” It was meant to be an insult I’m sure, but his voice went soft and curious, and I wasn’t looking at him, but I could tell he was looking at me for some sort of answer. I felt like maybe whispering these things in a room full of people watching The Grinch maybe wasn’t the best time to give answers, but maybe it was my only shot to figure him out. 

At least the volume on the movie was all the way up.

“Like what?”

He leaned over to make sure I was the only one who could hear, but his thigh pressed into mine more and it felt like my whole body was on fire from the proximity, “I don’t get how you’re always so cheerful. People don’t bring you down. You always stay positive no matter what you go through, no matter how the team plays, any situation always has a bright side with you.”

I could feel my cheeks heat up at that. “Doesn’t always feel that way.” I mumbled. “I didn’t know you noticed.” I thought he never noticed me as a person, even something as minimal as my attitude.

It was his turn for his cheeks to go red and he quickly muttered, “I don’t get how you don’t get mistletoe.” 

I grinned, “I think it’s annoying. Just an excuse for pda.” He looked taken aback, “I didn’t know you were such a big fan of mistletoe.” I teased, nudging him for extra measure, and as I glanced back I could see the edge of his mouth curve upwards just a little. And I’m sure the beating of my heart intensified. Just a smidge. Maybe enough for him to hear.

I needed a break before I said something I would regret and screw up the progress we’ve made. I got up from my spot and headed to the bathroom. And on my way back I bumped into someone for the second time tonight and it startled me, “Brock, I swear if you’re trying to scare me-“ but when I looked up it was Quinn again. His brows were furrowed and he looked like he had something on the tip of his tongue.

I was a little confused, “Are you okay?”

He looked up and I followed his gaze to a different looking mistletoe hanging above us for the second time tonight.

“I Uh-“ he shook his head, “no umm.”

I was hesitant, “are you su-“ and in a second his lips were covering mine and I didn’t know I needed them so much till now, but I do. I really do.

He pulled me in closer and we leaned against the wall in the hallway. I could feel him smiling as his lips hungrily glazed over mine and after a moment he pulled back with a big grin spreading across his face. I was smiling too. “I don’t think I hate the mistletoe anymore.” I joked, pulling him in again, tasting peppermint on his lips and sinking in to the feeling of his body pressing against mine. 

I allowed myself to forget about the fact that this was way out of left field and I didn’t really even know why he kissed me. “Wait.” I pulled back again, placing a firm hand on his chest. I glanced down to his pink lips that already seemed to be a little swollen from tracing over mine. As much as I liked the sight, I was a little confused. “I thought you didn’t like me?” 

Quinn furrowed a brow at that. “Why did you think that?”

I laughed at that. I really did. “You never talk to me! You always disappear when I come around! I swear the first time I met you, you shook my hand and I never heard a word from you again.”

Quinn toyed with my hand, swinging our joint fingers back and forth between us. He spoke quietly, but with such clarity it was astounding, “I was nervous around you. I’m not the best at talking about, anything really, especially feelings. I didn’t know how to talk to you so I figured if it was best that I just… didn’t, but, I wish I had done things a little differently.” He shrugged, gaze not leaving the ground. “I guess what I’m trying to say is I like you, (Y/N). And I would really like to get to know you, instead of ignoring you.” He half smiled and flicked his eyes back up to me.

 My breath caught in my throat for a second. I still couldn’t believe what he was saying, “you-“ I pointed, “you like me?”My brows furrowed and he nodded. But I only shook my head in disbelief. Before I could say anything else he pulled me flush against him again. He ducked his head down and kissed me softly, as if he was savoring the taste of my lips and pulled back way too soon. I couldn’t get enough.

“How many times do I have to show you?” He chuckled but the way his lips curved up was genuine. He meant it. I could see it in his eyes. He liked me.

“A million.” And he peppered light kisses all around my lips and cheeks and nose and forehead until I was giggling.

I heard a voice and I turned to see Brock peeking down the hall at us with just a knowing look. “Go away Boeser!” I laughed and he just had a stupid grin plastered on his face as he disappeared back into the living room.

“Go on a date with me?” Quinn asked nervously.

I turned back to him, “okay.” I said softly.

“You still think it’s just for pda?” He motioned to the mistletoe hanging above us.

And I shrugged and he pulled me back to him, “yeah.”

He smiled, still leaning down till he was level with me, “only fair.”

[winterironspiderling]

For the prompt list: 99 and 85 are two I would love to see. 99 takes priority though. I love your writing btw! 😁❤️

Thank you for the compliment! I did 99 with WinterSpider, and I’ll do 85 with Starker in a separate post. :) Conveniently, 99 was requested twice!

“Would it help if I stayed?”

Rated Teen, Hurt/Comfort, mention of a car accident.

Peter had clocked the car going just a little bit too fast all the way from his perch on the rooftop. He swung down with practiced ease, flipping off the end of his web with a flourish and landing in front of the car right before it collided with the passing bus.

He took the impact of the crash, and set the car down on the road as gently as he could. A quick glance let him know there were three people in the car, including the driver.

The car’s front end was crumpled and would be totalled according to the insurance companies, but he’d stopped dozens of crashes like this before. He’d done all the calculations in his head and known that with the way the car was heading into the bus, the three in the car would’ve been dead, and one or two from the bus. Had he not intervened.

Peter rushed to check if everyone was okay, expecting not to have any issues, but something was wrong.

The woman behind the wheel was slumped forward. He could smell the blood before he saw it dripping from her nose.

Peter ripped off the door, and Karen was already calling for emergency services.

“No, no, no. I don’t understand,” Peter murmured.

The children in the backseat were crying.

“She’s still breathing,” Peter realized. “She’s still breathing!”

He had Karen run an analysis to make sure the lady was safe to move, and then he pulled her out of her seat.

There was only so much he could do, though. He was smart but didn’t have any medical training beyond CPR, but was that even what she needed? She was unconscious, not dead.

Peter panicked. He would’ve been willing to lift the mask to save her, but he didn’t know what saving her entailed.

“Karen, what do I do?” Peter cried.

“She is unconscious, Peter. Paramedics are on the way.”

“I know, but what do I do?” Peter put his hands up to his face. The crying from the kids in the backseat was drowning out all his other senses. Now, a crowd was gathering, watching him fail.

Finally, the paramedics arrived.

“I’m sorry,” Peter said. “I’m sorry. I stopped the crash,but I—I think she hit her head.”

“Would’ve been worse if they’d hit the bus,” the paramedic replied in a clipped tone.

Peter went to help the kids out of the backseat, but they recoiled from him, terrified.

“It’s okay, I’m Spider-Man. I’m here to help,” Peter tried. His voice came off as manic instead of reassuring.

Peter backed away. Obviously he was doing more harm than good here. He’d been patrolling for over three years, and he’d gotten into sticky situations, but he’d never lost anyone before. Was she going to be okay? Did he just orphan two kids?

He had to get out of there.

He cut patrol short and went back home to his apartment. Some days were harder than others, and this was a hard one.

His ears were ringing, even the sound dampeners in the suit hadn’t been enough to quell the sound of screaming kids and sirens. The chattering of the crowd watching him fail.

Peter took off the suit and threw it aside. He disappeared under his comforter and squeezed his eyes shut.

Peter couldn’t get his thoughts to calm down no matter what he tried. Was that woman okay? Thoughts of the ferry incident and Tony having to come and rescue him pervaded his mind. Was that all he was, even with the new suit? A screw up?

He didn’t fall asleep, but he hid in his bed for over an hour until the ringing in his ears quieted. A knock at the door was the last thing he wanted, but it was better than the ringing, so he decided not to ignore it.

Peter pushed his blankets away and walked to the door in his boxers . Probably May coming over to check on him

He unlocked the door and pulled it open only to be greeted by Bucky.

“Bucky. What are you doing here?”

He took in the man’s outfit. Much different from what he usually wore when they interacted. Peter had been on missions with him before and trained with him at the compound. They were friendly, but not house-call friendly.

“I was in the area.”

“Oh,” Peter said. “Uh. Come in I guess.”

“Thanks,” Bucky said politely.

The corner of Peter’s mouth lifted up a little bit at that. Bucky’s reputation was way darker than his actual personality.

Peter would’ve offered the guy a drink, or a snack, or something, but it occurred to him that he was almost naked.

“I, uh, I’ll go put something on.”

Bucky nodded. He stayed standing by the door to the apartment. Baseball cap, red henley, jeans, and all. Nothing like the murder costume he usually wore. Peter liked him like this, but still didn’t understand what the hell he was doing there, and why he’d chosen now of all times to visit.

Peter was tempted to put the Spidersuit back on so he could even the status quo of the impromptu encounter, but he didn’t want to look at it quite yet. He opted for his school sweatshirt and jogging pants.

He made is way back into the living room and plopped on the couch.

“You can sit,” Peter said. It was weird that Bucky didn’t do anything he wasn’t told to, but he was a polite person.

Bucky sat on the same couch, leaving a space between them.

“So, what brings you to Queens?” Peter asked.

“Wanted to see how you were doing.”

“I’m good,” Peter lied. “How’re you?”

Bucky ignored the question. “You don’t look so good.”

Peter frowned. “Thanks?”

Bucky sighed. “I saw what happened today.”

“How?” Peter wondered.

“The news.” Bucky shifted in his place.

“Okay.” What do you want?

“How are you doing?”

Peter looked away. Typical. He’d graduated from being under Tony’s watchful eye to being under Bucky’s. Did everyone watch the news to see him make mistakes?

“Shitty,” Peter admitted.

Bucky nodded like he approved of the honesty.

Peter let his expression change to reflect how he felt inside. Miserable.

“I did everything right.” Peter’s voice broke. “I don’t understand what happened. I don’t even know if the lady is okay…and the kids. I can still hear them crying.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Bucky said. “I watched the clip. Ifyou hadn’t been there, it would’ve been worse.”

“That’s what the paramedic said, but I don’t know. I must’ve grabbed the car wrong. If I hadn’t flipped when I came down…I could’ve been a second earlier.” Peter shook his head.

“You’ve been Spider-Man for so long,” Bucky began. “I’m kinda surprised something like this hasn’t happened sooner.”

Peter frowned. “What kind of advice is that?”

Bucky shook his head. “I mean you can’t save everyone.”

“I’ve saved everyone so far,” Peter replied. “I’ve dealt with guns and knives, and bombs. You’ve seen it yourself. I never lose anyone.”

“Maybe you still haven’t,” Bucky said.

“I’m scared to find out what happened,” Peter said. “You didn’t see the look on those kids’ faces.”

“They would’ve looked worse if they’d crashed,” Bucky countered.

Peter shrugged.

“Anyway.” Peter waved. “Why did you come? No offense, but we’ve never really hung out before, and I know you weren’t just in the area.”

Bucky looked away for a moment. “I get alerts on my phone. I sort of keep tabs on everybody.”

Peter raised his eyebrows.

“I watched the clips, and I could tell that you were freaking out,” Bucky explained. “I’ve never seen you act like that before, so I don’t know. Thought I’d come by.”

“Oh.” That was actually really nice of him. If Bucky had noticed him acting like that, then how many others had? How embarrassing.

“It wasn’t obvious,” Bucky added. “I could just tell ‘cause I know you.”

“Right.”

Bucky nodded again. “I’ll check now to see if there are any updates on that lady, okay?”

Peter nodded. He was glad Bucky was there to do it. He didn’t know what he’d do if he checked the news just to find out that she’d died. It would be all his fault.

Peter held his breath.

“No news,” Bucky announced with a grimace. “She’s still under.”

Peter leaned forward and put his head in his hands. “This is all my fault. I really did it this time. I don’t deserve the suit.”

“Whoa, Pete,” Bucky said, voice surprised. “You can’t say that.”

“It’s true.” Peter spoke into his hands. “What if she dies, Bucky? Her kids are all alone and scared…I probably looked like a freak to them. The last thing they needed.”

“Hey.” Bucky sounded uneasy. “None of this is your fault. How many people would be dead if you weren’t there patrolling? I would probably be dead if you weren’t on the team watching my back. Remember last year?”

Peter really didn’t want to cry, not in front of Bucky. Bucky had been through more than anyone he knew, and he didn’t cry.

“My parents died in a car crash too.” Oh shit. Now he was dry heaving. He should’ve known not to bring that up. “What—what if I—”

Peter was really crying now. He registered Bucky moving closer to him and putting his arms around him uncertainly. Peter leaned into the man’s embrace. If Bucky had come to check on him, then he might as well make it worth his while.

“Do you need me to call anyone?” Bucky asked, voice full of concern. “Can I do anything?”

Peter clutched Bucky’s shirt. He’d have to get him a new one even if the snot and tears were washable. He was crying too hard to speak.

“Would it help if I stayed?”

“Y-yes,” Peter managed. “Please.”

“You got it, Pete. I’ll stay. As long as you want.”

Peter knew he and Bucky weren’t close enough for this to be appropriate, but the man was just so warm and inviting. Peter wanted to keep some semblance of dignity for himself, so he backed away as soon as his sobbing calmed down, wiping his face on his sleeve.

“I’m sorry.” Peter ducked his head. “I didn’t mean to.”

“No harm done,” Bucky said. “I came here to check on you, and I’m glad I did. I would hate to think of you being here all alone like this.”

“Still. It’s embarrassing,” Peter admitted. “I just…the heightened senses are sort of a package deal with heightened emotions, too.”

“Even if that wasn’t the case…you don’t have to apologize for crying.”

“Everyone already thinks of me as a little kid. Youngest one on the team. Nobody else cries like this over an accident.”

“Not that you see,” Bucky argued. “And I don’t think of you like that.”

“Yeah, but you came here to check on me. You wouldn’t have done that for anyone else.”

“You’d do it for me. You have.”

“That’s different,” Peter argued. “You got shot.”

“Seeing people hurt is like bullets to you.”

Peter frowned.

“Besides,” Bucky said. “Everyone else has people to check upon them. We don’t.”

“I guess.” Peter wiped his face on his sleeve again. “Thank you,” he added. “It does suck being here alone most of the time.”

“I know how you feel.” Bucky leaned forward and wiped a straggling tear from Peter’s cheek.

Peter nodded. It really was nice to have Bucky there with him. He was such a quiet and calm presence. Large but not overbearing. Just safe.

“I’ll get you some water,” Bucky said. “Then I’ll check the news again.”

“Okay,” Peter agreed.

He used the opportunity to blow his nose and make sure he didn’t look disgusting. Now that he’d taken the edge off with a good cry, the feeling of excitement that Bucky was in his apartment came to the forefront ofhis mind. Bucky cared about him.

Bucky came back with a smile on his face. “Look.”

Peter stared at the phone with wide eyes. A new viral video of the woman from the car wreck with her kids beside her in the hospital bed thanking him for what he’d done.

Peter almost cried again in relief.

Bucky didn’t say anything, but he looked pleased.

“Thank God,” Peter breathed. “I can’t believe it.”

“Well, pal, I guess I should go then since you got nothing to worry about.”

“What?” Peter asked. “You don’t…you don’t have to go. I mean, unless you want to. I—you can still stay.”

Bucky smiled. “Let’s get something to eat, then. I think you could use it.”

“Okay.” Peter leapt up off the couch, his mood vastly improved. He hadn’t killed anyone. That was as good of a reason as any to be happy. “I’ll get you a different shirt too since I sort of wrecked yours.”

Bucky followed him into the bedroom this time. He took his dirty shirt off. “You sure I’ll fit? You’re kinda tiny.”

“I wear my clothes baggy.” Peter turned around while he answered, his breath getting caught in his throat at the sight of Bucky, shirtless.In his room. “Um. Here you go.” He grabbed blindly in his closet and ended up selecting a shirt with a science pun that totally wasn’t Bucky’s style.

Bucky put it on with a grin.

 “Thanks again for coming,” Peter said once he was locking the door to his apartment with Bucky at his side.

“Thanks for letting me stay.”

Peter already had a crush, and this was not helping those feelings go away. He’d already embarrassed himself enough. Go big or go home,right? And he’d already locked the door, so…

He stood up on his tippy toes and kissed Bucky on the mouth.

“Sorry,” Peter offered. Was he really sorry, or just using that as a balm in case Bucky wasn’t happy about it? Both, probably.

“Don’t be,” Bucky said. His cheeks were rosy which Peter found to be the absolute cutest thing.

Bucky reached his hand out, and Peter took it. Somehow the worst day had turned into the best one.

[militant-holy-knight]

Castlevania Season 3 Review: Ellis is Gonna Ellis I Suppose.

Warning: Massive spoilers ahead because I don’t give a shit anymore so scroll down really fast if don’t want to get spoiled

Being a Castlevania fan is pure suffering, man. Not only is the video game franchise being put on ice by Konami at the time of writing, but your only form of enjoyment is a hit-or-miss Netflix Original written by a guy who admits never playing the games. I tried to enjoy the first season despite it being only four episodes long, and same thing with the second one which was longer but had a plethora of issues. Now it’s the third season, which took a year-long break to be made, and I am absolutely sorry to say it’s the absolute lowest point of the show: not only repeating the issues from the previous season, but amplifying them and failing to do anything interesting with anything new that is given. I will elaborate why I think so in this review.

So after Season 2, Dracula has been destroyed, our heroes have split up with Trevor and Sypha going their own way while Alucard has stayed behind in his father’s castle overlooking the Belmont Hold. Carmilla and Isaac have survived and are preparing to build an whole new army, the former to establish a new empire and the latter to get his revenge on her for betraying Dracula. 

Even though the stakes are lower than the possible extinction of the human race which was the (possible) outcome from Season 2 which never actually came into fruition, you’d imagine they would do something inciting with this new status quo... But you’d be wrong. This season as a whole felt like padding in all conceivable manners. Not only was the pacing atrocious (which I will get into a minute), but really, nearly all of the events that occurred could have been omitted and the storyline as a whole wouldn’t have been affected somehow. 

The pacing was the worst problem in Season 2 since you had the protagonists locked down inside a hold to do research on how to kill Dracula and endless exposition among the bad guys that some defenders call “vampire politics’ which ultimately went nowhere. The pacing in Season 3 is even worse since not only is it longer (10 episodes this time), you have more storylines now but each of them move at completely sluggish pace with a disproportional large amount of exposition and comparatively few action. 

The Castlevania games were level-based games which had you visiting several distinct locations whether if it was inside or outside the castle. An adaptation series of Castlevania would make more sense if it was episodic in nature, perhaps even with monster of the week formula. It would have been better off for it, but the show is attempting channel Game of Thrones with an over-aching arc with sprawling individual storylines whose episodes are build up for an epic confrontation at the end, but it fails in that regard.

Trevor and Sypha’s storyline was absolutely pointless - they have no idea of the larger threat brewing with two demonic armies about to clash against each other, but they are stuck doing what basically amounts to a sidequest, investigating a evil cult operating in a small town which takes a needless long time to conclude. They completely fail in saving the townsfolk from being sacrificed and end up discovering that one of the characters that has been helping them is actually a monster all along. This only serves to make their effort completely pointless and leave the pair absolutely bitter and angry.

Not that there is any urgency in stopping Carmilla or Isaac since they come nowhere near close to trading blows to one another. In fact, Carmilla doesn’t come anywhere close to achieving her goal of raising an army of demons with Hector (who has been enslaved by her for this purpose) and it’s actually one of her lieutenants Lenore that solves this problem at the end. On the other hand, Isaac gets the closest thing to an highlight in this season by experiencing something of an character development since he is questioned by several characters that maybe humans aren’t so bad as a whole. The problem is that his development becomes inconclusive since he doesn’t learn to be anymore different than he used to.

Alucard gets sidelined like you wouldn’t believe. He spends the entire season in his castle now with two new characters, Japanese twin hunters that seek to be training so they can free their people from the vampires... Aaaaand they try to fuckin kill him, which comes out from nowhere specially after an extremely uncomfortable threesome between him and the twins. And just in case you thought the previous season was depressing enough with Alucard breaking down in tears completely alone in his castle, this one ends not only with Alucard still alone, crying, but now emulating his dad by leaving the impaled corpses of the twins in the castle’s entrance to scare off any trespassers which is the closing shot of this season.

But for me, the biggest letdown has to be Hector. He was one of my favorite characters from the games, having starred his own entry Curse of Darkness for the PS2 where he actually turns on Dracula on behalf of humanity and pursues Isaac for murdering his wife. Here, he does absolutely fuck all during the entire season except being bossed around by Carmilla’s sisters. The guy had such cool powers of summoning Innocent Devils and wielding all types of weapons (including a lightsaber) is reduced to a whimpering slave, whom I have absolutely no hope of seeing in his absolute glory. The worst part is that it was very predictable - the moment I saw Lenore saying that both her and Hector should flee together, I knew she was gonna screw him in some way. The irony is that unlike the other storylines which pull some kind of mean twist in the last second, here you already can tell what is going to happen next.

The new characters frankly do nothing for the story. The aforementioned Carmilla’s sisters are pure window-dressing and only Lenore gets the shit done by herself might I add completely independent from the others and specially Carmilla herself (who does nothing). A video game character actually does get featured - Comte of Saint-Germain, who is some kind of magician in search of his loved one who got lost in another dimension. Another step down from his video counterpart who is a time guardian that preserves the cosmic balance (though it seems they were channeling the historical figure rather than the character that happens to share the same name given their ignorance for the source material).

There are of course those typical Warren Ellis moments like three mentions of bestiality (and one goatfucking as usual) and anti-Christian commentary, though it seems to be sending some kind of mixed messages this time: in one hand Sypha comment that while she hates God, she at least admires Jesus because of his sacrifice which can be considered one of nicest things that atheists can comment about Christianity... And then the next episode features an demon that used to be a Greek philosopher who lived during post-Constantinian Roman Empire and was persecuted by Christians because of his intellect. Oh dear. With that said, it’s rather odd this guy became a demon so maybe he had it coming? 

Overall, this season is a lot more weaker and lacking than Season 2, which at least had the climax in Episode 7 which some people were willing to forgive the dullness from that season. But Season 3′s climax is completely unfocused, interlaced with unnecessary and uncomfortable sex scenes and doesn’t even feature classical music from the games, which was the saving grace from the last time.

So did it have any upsides? I guess so if you look hard enough like Isaac’s schizophrenic “should I hate all humans or not” dillema which goes unresolved. Hardly anything that elevates the season or make it redeemable in some way. To be perfectly frank with you, I don’t know if I have any interest in keeping with this show. It blew away any good will Season 1 and 2 did, it barely moved the plot forward (and that if it has an overaching plot at all), the protagonists being disconnected to the main threat at large and quite frankly, none of the antagonists are as interesting as Dracula, I just don’t care what happens next. Specially if the pacing and exposition remain in place. In theory, if the series was restructured to be episodic instead of trying to be Game of Thrones, my interest in the show would have been renewed but it’s too little too late.

I guess in retrospect I should be grateful that Season 1 was so short had I knew later ones would be so tedious. There is so very little to do with Castlevania: Dracula’s Curse when you already got rid of the main villain and you don’t move the plot forward. If they want to regain my interest, do a Leon Belmont season that is episodic or heck anything else, but I don’t see them doing this because they have to give closure to this story arc, which already grew past it’s welcome and wasted everyone’s time with a season that amounted to nothing more than filler. Well, my patience has been worn thin.

[queer-as-in-slightly-odd]

Here’s your gift!

@caitlinesmewilliams - I got you in the gift exchange, and I wrote you a Ricky/Nini one-shot, which I hope you like! It’s called ‘We’re Breaking Free’, and I’ve cross-posted it to AO3 in case you want to read it there (here’s the link). If not, I’ve posted it under the cut :)

In a rare moment of quiet, Nini sits backstage, quietly strumming. Her chords clash a little with the familiar beat of ‘Getcha Head in the Game’, barely audible from the makeshift stage in the school gym. She didn’t plan on bringing her ukulele tonight, but on her way out of the door this morning, she grabbed it on impulse and took it with her. As a good luck charm, perhaps. I need it now more than ever, she muses with a dry smile, thinking of the talent scout from the Y.A.C., Kalyani Patel, out in the audience.

She relaxes a little, though, as she reflects upon the first act thus far. She can’t deny it’s been… a little chaotic, particularly with Gina’s surprise return, prompting a very sudden cast change which, she thinks with a grimace, probably seriously confused the audience. She’s pretty sure they pulled it off, though, and Gina’s incredible dance break in ‘Status Quo’ made it worth it.

Suddenly the sound of drums pulsing through the walls stops, and she pictures Ricky, suspended on wires at the turning point of the song. And she smiles – something she’s finding herself doing a whole lot more lately, when she thinks about Ricky.

That said, on this particular occasion, she’s not sure whether she’s smiling at the thought of Ricky himself, or simply remembering what happened when they first used the wires at the dress rehearsal yesterday.

Most of the cast had been sceptical when Mr Mazzara, of all people, had arrived at their first meeting after the disastrous tech rehearsal, and told them that his robotics club had constructed a pulley system in the gym by which they could lift Ricky off the ground for the scene.

When they tried it, however, it worked fairly well – the harness held, and it turned out that Ricky was perfectly capable of singing whilst being hoisted up. The problem came when the industry-grade steel cable made Natalie’s hands sweat, and she lost her grip.

With a terrified yell, Ricky plummeted about eight feet before EJ and Seb seized the cable, halting Ricky’s gut-twisting descent and leaving him spinning in his harness, seven feet from the ground. A nervous laugh rippled around the gym as Carlos, looking distinctly pale, proposed using one of the climbing ropes instead. Ricky was white as a sheet when they brought him down again, but he quickly saw the funny side and was laughing with the rest of them.

Nini shakes her head fondly, but frowns as she realises that the production has been silent for a weirdly long time. The band stopped playing almost twenty seconds ago, and Ricky’s only supposed to wait about five seconds before giving them his cue line. Suddenly, though, the music starts up again, and she lets out an involuntary hum, hoping that there’s nothing wrong.

Less than a minute later, she sees someone – who looks suspiciously like Ricky – march past the open door. She carefully puts down her ukulele and jogs to the door to ask him how the scene went, but by the time she gets there, he’s disappeared. She looks the other way, where Kourtney, Carlos and Seb are looking in the direction Ricky vanished. Nini’s unnerved by how concerned they look. “What happened?” she asks, as Big Red’s voice sounds over the speakers, announcing the intermission. “We’re not sure,” Kourtney says with a shake of her head. “He sort of froze,” Seb adds. “While he was in the air. And he dropped the ball.” “Why, what’d he do?” Nini asks. “No, as in, he literally dropped his basketball,” Carlos says, widening his eyes to emphasise the point. Nini feels her heart sink. “Did he say where he was going?” Carlos shakes his head, but Kourtney speaks up. “He’ll be back for the second act.” Her voice is confident, and Nini hopes she’s right.

“Gabriella, you’re on in one minute!” Natalie calls, and Nini relaxes. They’re about five minutes into the second act, and as far as she can tell, nothing has gone completely wrong. She follows Natalie to the wings and, as rehearsed, looks around the set and the gym as she walks casually onstage. This is right; this feels good. “Wow, this is your real stage?” she says curiously, but her voice shakes on the final word as her gaze falls on EJ, wearing Troy’s basketball shirt. Ricky’s basketball shirt. No. No, this is wrong. Where the hell is Ricky? “Guess you could call it that,” he replies, looking altogether too relaxed in this topsy-turvy situation. “Or, just a smelly gym.” It kills her to break character, but she has to make sense of this. “What’s going on?” she hisses, surreptitiously covering her microphone with one hand. “Where’s Ricky?” EJ frowns minutely and, without replying, passes her the basketball. She narrows her eyes at him as she catches it, but dutifully makes a shot, watching with a bizarre sense of satisfaction as it misses the hoop and bounces off the backboard. “Whoa!” EJ says, jogging across the stage to retrieve it. “You shoot hoops too?” She stutters; she’s suddenly having difficulty breathing. Ms Patel can’t be impressed by this; she has to do better. “I once, uh, scored forty-one points at a league championship game.” “No way.” “Yeah,” Nini says, functioning purely on autopilot. The words are muscle memory to her, but she can barely hear them. Her mind is swirling. “The same day I invented the space shuttle, and microwave popcorn.”

The rest of the scene is a blur. Again, on impulse, she whispers desperately to EJ for an explanation, infuriated by his plea for her to trust him. At her cue, she all but runs offstage. As she exits through the temporary stage door, she can hear the words of Ashlyn’s beautiful song taunting her from behind.

What I did felt right, but was I wrong? Is this where I’m supposed to be at all?

Everything after that passes in a blur. She’s so angry, at everyone. At Ricky, for bailing on her – on them. At EJ, for letting him go and just taking the part so readily. At Miss Jenn, for casting her in this role she feels she’s so abjectly failing. At Kourtney, for inviting Kalyani Patel when she’s sure she’s never going to get in. At herself, for thinking she could do any of these things.

She kicks a chair backstage in fury, feeling her heart pound in her chest as she watches it topple over and skid across the wooden floor. A figure bedecked in an elegant black pant suit appears in the doorway, looking worried. “Nini, you okay?” Miss Jenn’s voice is soft and full of concern. “Will be,” she says, pressing a hand to her temple. “Just… a lot going on.” “I heard about the talent scout,” she says. “It’s not surprising that you’re stressed.” She nods slowly. “It’s not just that. But thanks.” “Do you want to talk about it?” she asks, and Nini hesitates, picking up the chair she kicked and sinking into it. “I guess I’m just scared of screwing up,” she says quietly, and Miss Jenn lets out a low chuckle. “Are you serious? You’re killing it out there.” “Thanks,” she says, not even slightly believing him. “But this is not my best performance.” “It’s not supposed to be,” she says, and Nini does a double-take. “What?” “Nini,” she says, crouching down in front of her and taking her hand, “I spent nearly fifteen years assuming that my best performance had already happened.” Nini nods, wondering where she’s going with this. “But the truth is, it turns out you guys are my great performance. My magnum opus, if you will. This isn’t Broadway, Nini – no one here is looking for the perfect show.” She cracks a smile. “Which is good, because God knows we haven’t had it tonight.” Nini laughs and sniffs, feeling her eyes moistening. “This isn’t going to be the best performance of your life, because you’re only going to keep getting better. That talent scout is looking for potential, and that’s what she’s going to see in you.” She squeezes Nini’s hand and stands up to go. “How do you know that?” Nini asks desperately, and Miss Jenn pauses at the door. “Because I did.” She smiles once more and disappears out of the door. After a moment’s thought, Nini exhales deeply, gentle wipes her eyes and follows her out.

By the time she’s back onstage, she’s forgotten her anger. EJ’s explained what happened – what Ricky told him to do, and why. She’s not even concerned about the Conservatory anymore – as EJ begins the chorus of ‘Breaking Free’, she remembers what Miss Jenn told her: she saw Nini’s potential. Maybe Kalyani Patel will too.

And then she sees Ricky, standing at the gym doors with Gina, and the last embers of her fury at him evaporate as well. As EJ lets her go – possibly in more ways than one – she looks into Ricky’s frightened eyes, and she realises that she loves him.

“You know the world can see us, in a way that’s different from who we are…”

As she walks towards him, she pulls out her phone and flicks on its flashlight. Since Big Red hasn’t put a spotlight on him yet, she’ll do it herself.

“Creating space between us, ‘til we’re separate hearts…”

He shakes his head and murmurs, “I’m really… not at my best.” And her heart aches because of how wrong he is. She’s known him for nearly their entire lives, and this, right here, is the best version of Ricky she’s ever known. He’s open and vulnerable, and he might have given up on something he was committed to – but this time, he did it entirely because he wanted her to succeed. “Just look at me, Ricky,” she says, slipping her phone back into her pocket as Big Red finally gets his act together. “Right at me.” The music starts up again, and Nini lifts the microphone to her lips again. “But your faith, it gives me strength…” A grin breaks out onto his face as he joins in. “Strength to believe…”

She can’t help smiling as she pulls him back to the stage. They’re going to be okay.

[jokerxtreme36]

Thoughts on Zero One and Kiramager so far + extra (Spoilers)

Man it has been a while since I’ve done this. I was a bit uncertain to really come back and speak my mind on these since I feel what I say doesn’t really matter, I tend to fear what I say could be an unpopular opinion and get flack for it. I’m still hesitant on writing but I felt like wanting to write again after so long. I don’t know if I’ll bring this back but we’ll see. A lot has happened with Toku that’s surprising, I’m surprised how much Toku has been slowly getting itself up to be official over here thanks to various services like discotek and Shout Factory, in an age where you can officially watch the original Kamen Rider series and Kuuga online, If you told me that 5 years ago, I wouldn’t know what to believe.

Recap:

Been three years since I’ve done this iirc, but here’s My thoughts on the seasons I never wrote my full thoughts on.

Kyuranger: This was an up and down series for me. When I first started, I was hating it, due to awful pacing and was doing an awful job of establishing characters, especially Lucky who was hitting the marks of why I disliked Right and Takaharu, thankfully the series picked itself up around the second quarter with Scorpio’s arc and introducing Tsurugi. Would later go down and up with each arc but In my opinion, ended on a decent note. It does suck it never had a crossover with Zyuohger but I did enjoy the Space Squad crossover, which utilized the strengths of the characters really well and was ultimately satisfying.

Ex-Aid: Ex-Aid was a series I was a bit skeptical by but was one over by the end. I enjoyed Emu and his adventures and I give props for the show having two female Riders (Nico counts, fight me!). If there’s an issue, it’d be that I wish they’d just end with the crossover movie cause I feel the V-cinema’s felt like tacked on alternate endings, I do give them credit for trying to connect it to other films.

Lupinranger vs Patranger: A series I’ve seen that’s either enjoyed or disliked. I’m in the former and do like that they experimented with the concept of two different teams. I dig the idea that the Lupins are influenced by more modern Sentai that get the gimmick of the episode while the Pat’s are more akin to classic seasons where they just focus on the Monster, also doesn’t help that Japan has very low views on their justice system so the Lupins are more favorable. Plus I loved the way it ended on an open note, much like how Sanjo tends to do in his writing.

Amazons: Another divisive series and I’m leaning towards those that dislike it.On its own, it’s alright but as a series that uses elements from a classic series, it mostly is superficial in how it uses it cause the original series was remembered for how violent it could be, but there was more to it than just mindless violence. Also doesn’t help the producer’s comment on how “Recent Rider’s aren’t interesting, this series will give it it’s fangs back” saying the shows before it were not good when they were enjoyed by a lot fans. I do give the series credit for trying to write a gray moral type of setting but its flimsily written that it can come off as irritating,, especially around Season 2. Though I’ll give the movie credit for ending the series on a decent note.

Dino Force Brave: A miniseries that caught a lot of fans by surprise, since Korea commissioned a miniseries/continuation for Kyoryuger given how popular it was. It seemed promising, then I saw who was producing and writing it, instead of Sanjo returning. we got Ninninger’s writer. it retcons things like Torin’s not dead and Devius isn’t mentioned (the latter I don’t mind). The series is short which is both its strenght and weakness because for a miniseries, it isn’t given much time to flesh out the new characters, since they only have 12 minutes for each story, shows like the Ultra Fight series work since its serialized and can work as a movie, this not so much but unlike Amazons, I consider this harmless, its nothing too bad and there’s some merit to it (even if they tried saying it was canon in the last Taisen film)

Build: Now this was a series I was actually surprised by, this series is probably my third favorite post Decade Rider series. The series blends the right amount of silly and mature moments. It has a lot of memorable characters and one of my new favorite villlains in the franchise, Evolt was a great villain that really brought the stakes and made you think how this series was gonna deal with him. I remember the ending being divisive but I was ok with it since it does give an explanation for how Build could interact with the other Riders in future crossovers with how the previous seasons (minus Amazons) could connect. plus the V-cinema’s were well handled from an ok one like Cross-Z to a surprisingly Amazing one that is Grease’s V-cinema, now this is how you do a continuation.

Strongest Battle: Now this was a miniseries that caught me by surprise as well since they brought back returning actors to lead up to the next season. Seeing Arakawa still got it and made me hope to see him return writing someday (hint hint).The cast they got surprised me, some I was glad to see return and some I wasn’t too happy with like Takaharu and to an extent Kagura (but too be fair, she wasn’t as bad as Right), but I was intrigued to see what Arakawa would do with them and I was ok with how they were written here though still dislike Takaharu as a character.

Ryusoulger: Ryusoulger is a series that I’ve seen that is pretty loved from what I’ve seen but sadly I’m on the opposite side, I don’t think it was that terrible but more or less disappointing and somehow boring. Strongest Battle setup a lot of things for Ryusoul to follow up on that it felt like a downgrade, like Gaisorg being underutilized that you can tell they didn’t know what to do with him. The writing was all over the place that it was hard to be invested with the characters, who did their best with what they were given but their wasn’t much stakes. If there’s one thing I enjoyed, I really loved the ending arc for giving us not only a Female big bad but also blowing my expectations and breaking status quo, with Red not being the one to finish off the main villain. The ending arc was great yet at the same time was upsetting that the rest of the series wasn’t up to par with it. But now its gonna be the next adaptation after Beast Morphers. With Hasbro in charge, I’m intrigued to see what they do with it.

Zi-o: From the same minds behind Dino Force Brave and Amazons comes what is meant to be a big celebrate/closure of the Heisei era, but threw logic out the window for what is ultimately a fun kind of mess. I don’t mind continuity but I was iffy on how Zi-o retconned the previous seasons as not connected since that’s what they were trying to do until this series went (rip paper) whoops it broke. The series does have some merit with the idea of the Another Rider’s and showing the development of our protagonist and his attempt to defy fate. I also enjoyed when the series stopped time travelling but instead met the characters in the present day cause then the arcs were written better like in Blade and Agito’s tribute episodes. I haven’t watched Geiz’s V-cinema yet but also heard from the producer’s twitter that Woz’s V-cinema isn’t happening, which sucks cause there’s potential in it.

Now that those are done, here we go.

Kamen Rider Zero One:

Now with the start of the Reiwa era, I was hyped since we had Ex-Aid’s writer returning and we got not only a cool awesome secondary but a surprising Female Rider early on and is our third Rider. The first arc starts off strong with Aruto wanting to save the Humagears from Metsubojinrai. Things were looking good until things went downhill thanks to a certain Gold turd known as Thouser, before I get to my issues, I love his suit and how his finishers have a trademark, but that loses its charm when you see him everytime as he’s a very arrogant and obnoxious about his views on how “Humagears aren’t necessary” almost every time. There’s character’s that are meant to be hated, but then there’s characters that you just want to see go away. Once the arc ends the series thankfully pics up with Fuwa getting Rampage, Yua quitting and the return of Izakuchi and Naki. I’m interested to see where things go from here.

Mashin Sentai Kiramager:

Now this was a series I was cautiously optimistic by, since Arakawa returns to write a new series and after my disappointment with Ryusoul, I was nervous but thankfully this series is off to a good start, was surprised we started with episode 0, which does a good job setting up the main 4 before the red shows up. I was a bit skeptical on Juru since he screamed a lot of traits that they could’ve easily screwed up. Thankfully they’ve been doing a good job with Juru, he’s cheerful and imaginative but not a total idiot (what Right should’ve been) and the series has been doing a good job giving everyone their own center episode while not being afraid to take a few risks. I also enjoy the villains like Garza and his rivalry towards Juru due to having a similar ability to his brother that he despised, especially the fight in episode 4 being a highlight. I like that Juru wasn’t sure if he was qualified into being the leader but saw that his passion could help the team in his own unique way. Another thing I love is the Monsters with them going for a Showa aesthetic on mask based Kaijin but with an added twist of a Kaiju counterpart for them to fight, it’s a nice change of pace from just having them grow. The series has done a great job at bringing back an old style and breathing fresh life to it. Was scared hearing what happened to Juru’s actor but thankfully heard he’s doing ok and I’m excited to see what the series brings next.

[a-woman-apart]

Idle Hands

I have been writing in my private journal, but I haven’t been doing this as much as I used to. Between finishing up more CORE classes at community college, working, meetings, and preparing for university, I have been a busy bee. I have had some problems with my physical health, but my mental health has been much calmer lately. Mostly I am just dealing with the pressure and the fatigue that comes from preparing for the end of the semester. Even though I had vowed never to do it again, I have summer classes lined up. I think I should be okay, though, because I won’t be working 2-3 jobs at the same time. I am once again taking Maymester off, too, so I won’t have to do much for a few weeks.

Inactivity is my bane, though. That whole “Idle hands are the devil’s playground” is a quite apropos to me. I can’t stand to have too much free time. My mind goes wild. The importance of a routine—if that routine isn’t overwhelming—for mental health cannot be understated. Volunteering regularly—and then getting a job���were the two things that helped to stabilize me early in my recovery. A second and related thing was having a stable sleep/wake routine. Even if I adjusted it slightly on my days off or sometimes suffered from insomnia, having a general time to be in the bed and not working on stuff anymore was healthy for me.

I haven’t been as good about following my own rules, though. Two nights ago, I was straining my eyes in the wee hours looking over a housing guide for the university I’ll be attending. Late last night I tallied up a list of all the food purchases I had made to see about cutting back. There was no reason that those things shouldn’t have rightfully been done in the day, but my mind was racing, and I couldn’t help myself. My boyfriend often points out the foolishness of making overly detailed, preemptive plans, because he reminds me that things can change between now and then. He’s usually right. I usually plan for the worst possible scenario, and that scenario never comes. He thinks that I should trust myself and learn to fall back on my own life experience and wisdom. I think I’m one bad decision away from being a total screw-up.  

There seems to be a wide gap between how others see me and how I see myself. Even though my mom endured horrible abuse from me in the height of my mental illness, she doesn’t look at me and think I’m at risk for relapse. I was paranoid and suspicious of her, but she never held it against me. She has always been able to separate me from my sickness. In my mind I’m still very sick, and the order I’ve milked out of the chaos has just been used to paint a thin veneer of success over my failures. My boyfriend looks at me and sees a responsible, accomplished person who is obviously suffering from imposter syndrome, and I see a bonafide imposter.

It isn’t like I never feel confident. The fact that I feel I need to qualify even that kind of proves my boyfriend’s point that I have to put a disclaimer in front of so much that I say because I’m scared that I’m not articulate. I’m always concerned that my words will be misconstrued because I don’t know if I can convey clear meanings. I’ve been writing all my life; words are pretty much what I’m all about. Somehow though it still isn’t enough. I feel as though I can put on a sort of fake confidence when I’m writing resumes and cover levers for myself; I have a harder time advertising myself out loud.

Anyway, back to my point. Sometimes I feel confident. Most of the time I’m looking for someone else to give the credit to. That’s one of the hardest things about not being able to pray anymore. I’m so used to having someone to turn my gratitude towards. I have worked hard, but I also have been afforded privileges in my life that aren’t available to other people, especially other black people in this country. For example, I can depend financially on family members when I’m really in a pinch, and that is something that not every person of color can say. I’ve had good caseworkers and therapists. My medicine works for me (more or less). There’s a lot that I can’t take full credit for, but when I’m thanking everybody else, I should think my Self, as Iyanla Vanzant puts it. It’s true that I’ve been given these opportunities, but it was up to me to get up everyday and make it to appointments and job events and classes. I did my homework and my chores. I accepted help rather than pushing it away. I can own those accomplishments.

I believe in the concept of continuous personal development. You’re never done learning or improving. If you are, you’re probably ready to die. Stagnant water attracts mosquitoes.

That’s another thing; the only thing that doesn’t change is that everything changes. Your mental state, which may feel extremely intolerable right now, can and will change into a state of happiness, or at least stability. Your financial situation probably isn’t permanent. Your status quo on the job is likely to change. If you’re in school, you’ll eventually graduate or drop out. You won’t stay there forever. Your mind and body are in a constant state of transformation. It may seem corny, but you do have agency and you have the power to alter your life for the better. The choices you make matter, but they don’t always have to be set in stone. You can change your mind about something and do something different.

As always, I don’t know what the future holds for me. As always, the things that I was so anxious about doing are getting done, because I’m doing them. My boyfriend often tells me that in order to eat a mountain, you have to do it one scoop at a time. I have quoted YouTuber Connor Manning before, too; “You won��t cut down the whole tree in one chop.” My problem is that I get impatient with myself and the world, and I want everything to be done on my time, which means immediately. It’s pretty damn inconvenient for myself and everyone involved.

It may feel like these are old words and old worries, but I’m getting better. It feels like I’m running in circles but that isn’t true. It’s taking me a long time, but I’m learning to be more relaxed and focused on the individual trees when I need to be and not trying to treat the whole forest (way to subvert a metaphor).

If I can do everything I’ve done with my level of anxiety and trepidation, you can do the same.

[gray-autumn-sky]

Happiness Can’t Be Arranged, Chapter 29

Robin groans, muttering a low it’s too early for this, as he hears his father nearing the dining room, humming a soft tune he can’t quite place. His eyes roll as he picks the newspaper back up and takes a renewed interest in it despite that he’s already read through it--and he finds momentary solace in the fact that his father enters the room alone.

“No Zelena?”

“No,” his father says, in a nearly sing-song voice. “She’s prettying herself up. We’re going for a ride this morning. It snowed a bit last night, and Zelena wants to see it on the trees before it inevitably melts away.”

“Yes,” Robin murmurs, as he focuses on a tobacco advertisement that he has no interest in. “I assume that takes a lot of… work for her.”

“Hm?”

“Nothing.”

Again, Robin groans as his father picks up the tune again. He’s never in this good of a mood, especially not this early. The only times he’s ever been like this is when an investment’s gone well or when he’s screwed someone over and made himself a heap of money.

“You normally don’t grace us with your presence.”

Robin nods as his eyes shift down the page. “Henry’s sick, so--”

“Is it contagious?”

Arching his brow, Robin looks up from the paper. “Afraid of catching something?”

“No,” Richard scoffs. “I’m long past childhood ailments.”

“Ah, right. Only children get--”

“Roland shares a room with that boy and I don’t want my heir--”

“Sadly, I am your heir,” Robin says, bristling as he looks pointedly at his father. “Roland and Henry are my heirs.” He pauses as his jaw tightens. “And if you must know, Roland hasn’t been sleeping in the room with him. Regina has. Roland’s been with me.”

“Ah--”

Rolling his eyes he looks back at the paper, and he wonders if that isn’t a part of his sour mood.

For the past three nights, he’s slept in his old bedchamber with Roland. He wasn’t entirely sure why he’d selected that room and not just brought him into his and Regina’s bed, but it hardly mattered now. He found it difficult to adjust to not having her at his side and though Regina had teased him about having more room in the bed to get comfortable, Roland was a wild sleeper, and more times than not, he awoke in the middle of the night to a swift kick in the stomach or Roland’s hand plastered to his face.

Regina had been sleeping with Henry--and she would until the boy’s fever broke.

He found it endearing watching her care for Henry--though, he always loved watching her with the boys.

Henry’s illness was nothing serious--a head cold and a slight fever--and Doctor Whale assured them he’d be well enough in a few days. But Regina wasn’t one to simply let nature take its course. Before the doctor had even made it off of Sherwood’s property, Regina and Mal had Roland stripped down and slathered him with some sort of herbal ointment Mal had made while Dr. Whale was examining Henry. Mal opened up the windows while Regina dressed Roland in fresh clothes, and no sooner than his shoes were buckled, he was sent out of the room, complaining that whatever they’d put on him made him smell like dirt.

And as Robin laid with him that same night, he couldn’t help but agree.

Over the course of the next couple of days, Regina had been entirely focused on nursing Henry back to health.

Though he hated to see Henry sick, watching Regina care for him made his heart warm--and it reminded him of those first few interactions they had. He remembered the day he’d gone to Dragon Head to ask for her hand in marriage, remembering how he’d stood in the library watching her play with her son on the lawn and how the two of them seemed completely in their own little world. And when she’d first come to Sherwood, Regina spent all of her time in the nursery. She got down on the floor and played with blocks, she hid in closets and behind chairs as they played games of hide-and-seek, and she curled up by the fire reading both boys tall tales as they drifted to sleep. It wasn’t lost on him how quickly Roland had taken to her nor was it a surprise. She’d filled in a void for him where Marian should have been--and she’d done it so effortlessly.

It’d been somewhere between that first moment when he’d watched her at Dragon Head and one spring day when he’d found his new wife cuddling his sick son and singing him lullabies to comfort him that he’d realized he was in love with her. Before that, it’d been the idea that he could love her--he certainly liked her--but the more he saw of her with their sons, the more his feelings solidified into something real. Still though, he couldn’t quite pinpoint it. It’d just happened--and he liked the mystery and suddenness of it. It seemed fitting for them and the way their marriage came to be.

When Regina was with their sons, she seemed very much in her element. She was a natural mother and it was a role she took quite seriously. When she was with them, she seemed to forget all the pretense that governed her. Normally, she was so concerned about appearances--what people would think if she laughed too loudly or said the wrong thing, how they’d judge her if she offered an unpopular opinion or attended a party someone else thought she shouldn’t; but when she was with their sons, all that went away. She was more relaxed, more casual even, and instead of a stylish dress that was carefully chosen and her hair done up, she wore a plain blue dress with a white apron tied around her hips. Her hair was pulled back in a long, and somewhat messy, braid that she’d done herself.

Regina spent the day dictating Henry’s every move--his meals contained lots of broths and teas, he took baths and was lathered up in oils, and between naps she read him stories and played card games with him. Robin ducked in occassionally, but he always seemed to pop in while Henry was asleep--and, of course, between his lessons, he had Roland to entertain. Her nights were spent at Henry’s bedside, sleeping in a rocker, just in case his fever returned or he felt sick in the middle of the night. And as laborious as all that was, it kept her distracted, and that, in an odd way, relaxed her.

But he missed her, and thought it’d just been a couple of days and it was temporary and even though he still saw her throughout the day, it was oddly reminiscent of his life before her--and he hated it.

“Whose carriage did I just see driving off? Who visits anyone before nine o’clock in the morning?”

“Mr. Scarlett,” Robin answers in a disinterested voice as a little gasp escapes his father. “It’s nothing to concern you.”

“Mr. Scarlett is--”

“Helping Regina and me with--”

“Regina,” Richard scoffs. “I might’ve known.”

“Yes,” Robin replies, his eyes narrowing. “Perhaps you might’ve if you ever took the time to get to know her.”

“I don’t--”

“She’s got a mind for business. She’s smart and--”

“Ohh,” Richard cuts in, his face crumpling with disgust. “I know exactly the type of business that woman knows. We all do. And if you think it’s appropriate for--”

“As I said,” Robin interjects, his voice rising over his father’s. “You’ve never taken the time to get to know her.” He pauses, and for a moment, he considers just leaving it there--but his father’s inability to see past one, minute detail of her past life grates at him. It’d be one thing if Regina wasn’t so bothered by it; but she was, and for her to have to live in a house where how she responded at her lowest moment in life was constantly the measure of her character, was simply unfair. “She had an idea. I ran with it, and now Mr. Scarlett is helping us manage the profits.”

Richard’s eyes narrow and his interest shifts--as they always do when any conversation turns to money. “Profits. Profit from what?”

“An investment--”

“And what does Mr. Scarlett have to do with that? He manages--”

“He dabbles in other things,” Robin says coyly. “As I said, Regina had an idea, I proposed it to Mr. Scarlett, and it worked out quite nicely for the three of us.”

Richard scoffs. “Any profitable investment you make is an investment Sherwood makes.”

“Not this one. This one doesn't concern the estate, or you.”

“Of course it does! Any investment this estate makes concerns me. That’s how estates like ours work! I know you’ve never taken much of an interest in--”

“Not this one,” Robin interjects, still focused on the paper and wishing he’d have excused himself earlier.

“Sherwood is my--”

“Sherwood didn’t make the investment. I did,” Robin cooly replies, glancing up from the paper and watching his father’s face begin to redden. “I didn’t take money from the estate. I borrowed against my return. Had it failed, I’d have been in trouble and had to involve the estate, but it didn’t fail, so the estate remains separate from it.”

Clearing his throat, he shrugs, not wanting to get into the details of the investment or why he was so keen to take the risk--though, now that the risk was behind him, it seemed so small. But his father wouldn’t see that, he’d only perseverate on the what ifs--and he’d never been one to push the boundaries of the status quo. Still, he wouldn’t see the investment for what it was--a brilliant opportunity that could potentially lead to him and Regina living a life independent from Sherwood, or perhaps, maybe he did and maybe that’s what scared him most.

Nonetheless, it didn’t matter and it didn’t involve him. “So, as I said, my meeting with Mr. Scarlett doesn’t concern you because it doesn’t concern the estate.”

Richard mutters something underneath his breath as he sits back in his chair, looking aghast as he looks around the empty dining room. “Where the hell are the footmen?”

“I told them they could attend to other things. No need for four of them to stand here and watch me eat.”

Richard’s jaw tightens as he looks pointedly back to Robin. “And who will serve me?”

Rolling his eyes, Robin reaches forward, touching his fingers to a plate of sausages, and as a snide little grin edges across his face, he gives the dish a little shove that sends it toward his father. “I believe you have a fork set down beside your plate and trust you know how to use it.”

His father’s eyes widen. “You’ve lost your mind. This isn’t how--”

“I understand the point of estates like ours,” Robin cuts in sharply, “so, spare me the lecture. But there’s a difference between being a good employer who meets the needs to the village he lords over and being an entitled, self-important man.” Setting down the paper, Robin rises. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but sickness has swept through the house. Henry isn’t the only one who has taken ill. Four maids and two footmen have had to work through it which only spreads it around, and if the cook gets it, we’re all in trouble. So, yes, I allowed the footmen a bit of time off to rest. It seemed the least I could do.”

Again his father’s jaw tightens as his eyes narrow, and it looks as if he wants to argue--and on another day, he might engage, but today he had other plans.

He gets up gingerly, offering a tight smile he knows will make his father stew as he tosses down the newspaper--and then, he doesn’t give his father or the estate another thought.

____

Regina smiles as she turns to the door, all the while keeping a cool rag on Henry’s forehead. “Hey, you.”

“Good morning to you both.”

“G’morning,” Henry murmurs, lifting his head slightly. “Is Roland with you?”

“No,” Robin tells him, frowning slightly. “He didn't get a good night’s sleep, so I let him sleep in.”

“Oh--”

“Still kicking?”

“All night,” Robin sighs. “I’m fairly certain my stomach is bruised.” His eyes shift to Henry as he sits down on the edge of the boy’s bed. “I think he misses you.”

“I miss him,” Henry says, his eyes hooded as they shift from Robin to Regina. “Sometimes, we get up and play with--”

“Henry--”

“I know. We’re supposed to sleep. But it’s not like we’re tired in the morning.”

“And they’ll still take a nap,” Robin says, offering Henry a quick wink as he grabs his foot and gives it a little squeeze. “And you’re telling me,” he says, looking to Regina, “you never did that as a child? Got up and played with your toys or--”

“I wasn’t allowed to have toys in my nursery.”

Henry frowns. “Grandmother sounds like terribly fun mum.”

Regina laughs, shaking her and remember that when she was Henry’s age, her bedtime came before dark. Her father would come in, though, usually after dinner with puppets--one of which was a witch made from a purple fabric that looked mysteriously like one of her mother’s dresses that’d gone missing--and he’d tell her stories that lasted hours. The older she got, the longer the stories seemed to last, and once she was too old for bedtime stories and puppet shows, her father would look away as she snuck out of her bedroom. She’d end up in the stables, playing card games with Daniel and Mal as Daniel’s grandfather made his final rounds of the stables, and she remembers the disheartened sigh whenever her father would appear telling her that now, it really was bedtime.

“Something tells me,” Robin murmurs, leaning in toward Henry, “the word fun has never once been associated with your grandmother.”

“Yes, it has,” Henry says, pulling himself up on his elbows. “Grandpapa says fun is what she kills, that she does it for sport.”

“As you might’ve guessed, his fever seems to have broken and he’s feeling a bit better.”

“Yes,” Robin laughs as Henry lays back, blinking a few times. “That’s quite clear, but he still looks tired.”

“He needs rest,” Regina agrees, dabbing the cloth over Henry’s forehead again. “But the worst of it’s finally over for him.”

“Does that mean Roland can come back?”

Regina grins, offering a quick wink. “Perhaps.”

“Speaking of Roland,” Mal says, coming through the door that connects her room to the nursery. “Where is he?” She looks between them and they look at each other. “I assumed he was with--”

“He’s not in my old room? That’s where I left him.”

“I just checked. He’s not.”

Regina looks to Robin, his eyes widening. “You lost him?”

“I didn’t lose him,” Robin sighs. “I… misplaced him… because he wandered off…”

“After he was left unattended.”

“He was asleep!”

Henry giggles. “I bet he’s in the kitchen.”

“Why would he have--”

“Cookies.”

Robin grins and Regina feels her shoulders relax--that seems plausible enough.

“Why don’t you two go and find Roland before the kitchen maids start slapping his hands and I’ll watch--”

“You’re looking for Master Roland?” They all look up at one of the maids--a newer girl who hasn’t quite picked up on the way Sherwood works, and therefore, has yet to give Regina attitude or even as much as a snide glare--comes in with clean linens for Henry’s bed. “He’s just sit down to breakfast.”

Regina watches as Robin’s brow furrows. “Sat down to breakfast--”

“--on his own?” she asks, looking to the maid. “In the--”

“With my father.”

Regina looks back to him. “Oh--”

For a moment, an uncomfortable silence hovers in the air as she stares at Robin and Mal directs the maid to put away the washed linens on a particular shelf in the wardrobe. Roland sitting down to breakfast with his grandfather shouldn’t be upsetting to her and it shouldn’t be something that made her worry; yet, for some reason, it did.

Richard didn’t interact much with Roland. He wasn’t the sort of man who enjoyed the company of children--especially not small ones--and whenever Roland was around, Richard seemed annoyed. He barely made an effort to talk him and never played with him--he just wasn’t that sort of grandfather. Yet, at that same time, Richard took an interest in the boy. He bought him things--an expensive jeweled pocket watch, a bronze sculpture of a horse, a property in the city--but they were never things that Roland wanted or could enjoy. Instead, they pointed to wealth and status--thing that were important to Richard--and when Roland didn’t show the excitement or gratitude Richard expected, he became critical. He always blamed her--her, and then Robin--for how Roland was being raised, making it seem as if the boy was uneducated and uncouth, instead of simply a five-year old. He criticized their choices when it came to Roland’s education, and on more occasions than she could count, expressed his desire for Roland to be sent away to an expensive school where he’d be trained by the best teachers and meet peers who’d grow up to be lords of massive estates. He loved to talk about how Sherwood would one day be his, and he couldn’t understand why that was such an abstract concept for Roland--again, something he used to fault her parenting.

When Richard was annoyed, he yelled--and the more he yelled, the more withdrawn Roland became. Even without the yelling, Roland was uncomfortable in his grandfather’s company, and usually by the end of it, he was in tears.

Slowly, Regina stands. “I, um... I think I’m just going to go down and check--”

“I’ll come, too,” Robin says, rising up from the bed and looking just as alarmed as she feels. “Just to check.”

“Take my dragon.” Both she and Robin look to Henry watching as his eyes flutter open and he offers them a tight grin. “He likes my dragon. It makes him feel better.”

“That’s kind,” Robin says, grinning as he leans in to pluck the stuffed toy from Henry’s bed--and in spite of the uneasiness in her stomach, Regina can’t help but smile as Robin drops a kiss to Henry’s forehead before tucking the dragon beneath his arm.

“Will you--”

“Of course I’ll watch him,” Mal says, grinning as she cuts in. “Sometimes I think the two of you forget that’s what you pay me to do.”

Regina smiles and nods as Robin leads her into the hallway. She draws in a breath as his fingers curl down around hers, and her stomach lurches a bit a the quickness of his step, giving her own uneasiness some credibility.

“I know I shouldn’t worry about--”

“I don’t like him spending time alone with my father. It upsets him.”

“I know he doesn't mean to--”

“He makes no effort not to upset him. To him, Roland is just another symbol of his status. He’s not a little boy, he’s a possession.” Regina frowns, thinking of the way she dreaded the time directly after tea when her mother would request her presence. “And Zelena was supposed to be joining him as well.”

“Oh,” Regina murmurs, her eyes sinking closed. “I really wish she’d find someone else to latch onto.”

Robin grins back at her from over her shoulder. “Perhaps we should set her up. Perhaps we can pawn her off on some unfortunate Spanish prince or--”

“She did fancy the Bavarian prince I was supposed to marry.”

“Wasn’t he your father’s age?”

“Older,” she sighs, laughing a little. “She has a type.”

“I am having the strangest sense of dèja vu. I think we’ve discussed this before. The vague nausea is familiar.”

Rolling her eyes, Regina shakes her head. “It’s not a bad idea, though, finding someone richer to distract her.” Robin doesn’t laugh though; instead he looks uncomfortable. Her brow furrows slightly, but before she can ask about it, they’re at the dining room, and just as they suspected, Roland is sitting at the table with Richard and Zelena.

Roland can barely see over the table and the fork in his hand is too big, both of which are making it a struggle for him to eat--and she’s bothered by the fact that no one is helping him. Robin sighs, muttering something she doesn't quite catch under his breath--instead, she’s focused on Zelena’s laugh. It’s a quiet sort of laugh and doesn’t seem to be a response to anything in particular, but instead a reflection of her enjoyment at playing house.

Regina bristles as her jaw tightens and her eyes fix on Roland, still struggling to reach his food.

Richard asks something in a low voice and Roland frowns in reply--then, in a deeper voice Richard tells him he’s been asked a question, reminding him that it’s rude to ignore someone when they’re speaking. Roland’s bottom lip pouts out as he looks up at his grandfather, then looks to Zelena.

“Would you like to go for a walk later on this morning?” Zelena coos as she leans in toward him. “Wouldn’t that be great fun?”

“No,” Roland replies clearly, his brow crumpling. “It looks cold out.”

“Roland,” Richard warns. “It’s rude to--”

“I want my mama.”

“Well, unfortunately, that’s not a request any of us can grant.” Regina feels her chest tighten and, momentarily, her eyes press closed as she draws in a short breath. “Your presence was requested on a walk and--”

“But I don’t want to go for a walk,” Roland whines, dropping down his fork. “I want to have my breakfast and read stories with my mama!”

“Well, your mother is dead,” Richard snaps. “So, there’s no use in--”

Regina’s in the dining room before she even realizes that she’s taken a step, and Robin is right behind her. She feels her cheeks burning as she strides toward the table, earning a gasp from both Robin and Zelena.

“How dare you talk to him that way,” she scolds. “He’s just a little boy.”

“His age hardly excuses rudeness. Perhaps if he were being raised better, none of this would be an issue.”

“Regina,” Zelena interjects in a condescending tone. “Richard only wants to spend time with his--”

“He wasn’t rude. He only said that he doesn’t want to go outside for a walk,” she says, cutting in and elevating her voice over Zelena’s. “Besides, that’s not what I was referring to.”

Roland offers a nervous little grin as he looks between her and his grandfather. Even he knows that the notion that she might not be a mother to him is a sore subject. Normally, she’s more respectful of it, understanding Marian’s place in the hearts of the Locksley men; but this time, it doesn’t seem like it’s about Marian at all. Instead, it seems like a reminder of her place--and she hates that Richard tries to put such ideas in Roland’s head.

“Richard,” Zelena says in a nearly sing-song whisper that’s not unlike the one she addresses Roland with. “Why don’t we go. She’s clearly in hysterics. Perhaps the sickness sweeping through the house has found her. Those sorts of things do target those weak in faith, you know.”

“Can’t you see that he’s uncomfortable?” she asks, ignoring her father-in-law’s lack of response and ignoring Zelena’s presence entirely. “He can barely reach his plate, so he hasn’t eaten any of his breakfast, and no one in this room bothered to help.” She looks between Richard and Zelena, then pointedly at the two footmen standing beside the buffet. “It’s cold. Sickness is spreading through this house like wildfire, and you want to take him outside for a walk? And do what? Ignore him? Scold him? Tell him he’s rude when he shivers?” Holding out her hand, she shakes her head, softening as her eyes fall on Roland. “Come on, sweetheart. We’ll get you some breakfast and a sweater and--”

“A story?” Roland asks, blinking up at her expectantly as his face brightens. “I’ve missed your bedtime stories.”

Richard scoffs at that, but she smiles nonetheless, ignoring him. “How about…” Her voice trails off as Roland’s fingers fold around her hand. “How about a story for every night you’ve spent out of the nursery?”

“That’s three,” Roland whispers, grinning as she helps him down from the chair--and it's only as she turns that she remembers Robin is there with her. Robin is wearing a proud little smirk and it looks like he’s holding back the urge to laugh, and though she could choose to feel annoyed that he didn’t jump to her defense, she decides that she’s grateful for a husband who lets her speak her mind. “Papa, are you coming, too?”

“Um. no,” Robin murmurs, looking down at his son. “I think I want to stay and have a little chat with your grandfather.”

Robin offers a quick wink as she hoists Roland onto her hip--and as she carries him out of the dining room, Robin follows behind, just long enough to watch her and Roland start up the stairs. Then, when they’re about half way, the dining room doors close and she hears a very muffled What the hell is wrong with you fly from her husband’s mouth.

_____

When he finds Regina and Roland, they’re in their bedchamber. Regina is sitting in a chair by the fire with Roland cuddled up on her chest, and a big, thick blanket covers them both. There’s a fire crackling at the hearth and the storybook that Regina usually reads at bedtime is folded on her knee--and it appears that Roland barely made it through the first story.

“Is he asleep?”

Regina nods. “He was tired. He says you snore.”

“And what do you say?

She grins. “That he’s right. You do.”

Robin shakes his head as he comes closer. “You’ve never complained.” Regina just shrugs and looks back to Roland, her hand rubbing circles overtop the blanket. “I suppose it’s good to know that neither of us are sleeping.”

“Well, if Henry’s fever doesn’t come back, I suppose you’ll both get a good night’s sleep tonight.” A smirk edges onto his lips. “How, um… how did the conversation go after Roland and I left?”

Robin’s eyes roll. “About the same as when you were there.”

“Ah--”

“I don’t know why he has to be so callous.”

“He doesn't like me,” Regina says a bit too dismissively. “I doubt I’ll ever change his mind.”

“Regina--”

“He doesn't have to like me,” she says easily, grinning back at him. “As long as you do.”

“I do,” he’s quick to tell her. “I like you quite a bit.”

“I just… I just wish he wouldn’t speak ill of me to Roland. He’s young and impressionable and--”

“--and he loves you very much.”

Regina nods and looks back to Roland. “I just worry that one day the truth about me will come spilling out and all the terrible things he’s heard about me will come flooding back and--”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“We can’t control--”

“No, no,” he cuts in. “I’m not denying that one day our sons might learn the details of your life before our marriage. Unfortunately, that’s out of our control. But it’s a long time coming, if it ever comes, and by then they’ll have a lifetime of memories to counter it.”

Regina nods and gives him a half-hearted smile--she doesn’t quite believe that, though it's clear she’d like to, and there’s little point in arguing over what-ifs and maybes.

“Don’t mind me,” she murmurs after awhile. “I’m just a bit stir crazy.” She grins. “This is the first I’ve even been out of the nursery in days, and this isn’t much different.”

Robin brightens at the opportunity to shift the subject. “Then let’s change that.”

“You have something in mind,” she says, grinning softly. “But I don’t know if I should leave--”

“As Mal keeps pointing out, we pay her to look after our boys. Henry’s napping and past the worst of it, Roland is apparently exhausted from all my snoring, and you could clearly use a couple of hours away.” Her brow arches as he stands. “I’ve got a few things to attend to in town. Why don’t you come along?”

“I don’t--”

“Regina, it’ll be a couple of hours. At most.”

She considers it for a moment, biting down on her lip. “What do you have to do?”

“Just a follow up to a meeting.”

Her brow arches. “The meeting that wasn’t with Mr. Gold.”

“No, the meeting with Mr. Scarlett,” he says, sighing. “Remember, you were supposed to be there and--”

“Oh. Right. That was today.”

Robin nods. “That was today.”

Regina’s eyes narrow, but she grins. “It’s just so odd that Gold was here. Maybe--”

“Maybe you were mistaken,” Robin says, trying not to bristle. He’d like to keep this afternoon light, and if possible, cast away any thoughts of Gold or any dealings he might have with him--and he certainly doesn't want her to know that he, too, is concerned about Gold being at Sherwood that morning. “Carriages are--”

“No one else in their right mind outfits their horses in gold barding like he’s marching them off to defend the Byzantine Empire from the Turks during the Crusades.”

Robin blinks. “That’s… a fair point, but if he was here, it has nothing to do with me.”

“So, that leaves--”

“Quite a few questions that we likely won’t find answers to right now.”

“Why are you putting me off?”

“I’m not,” he lies. “I just… I want to spend a nice afternoon with you. I miss you. I miss talking and laughing and--” A grin pulls onto her lips. “And I don’t want to think about unpleasant things today.”

“Fine, but--”

“Does that mean you’ll accompany me?” Robin asks, cutting in in a hopeful voice. “Because--”

“Yes. I’ll come, as long as Mal doesn’t mind watching the boys.”

“You know she won’t.”

“I know,” Regina admits, grinning. “Just let me put him down in the nursery and get dressed--”

“You look--”

“Like I’ve spent the past few days playing nurse. I won’t be long.”

Robin nods. “How about I take him, then?”

Regina offers a reluctant little sigh before nodding, and carefully transfers Roland into his arms. Roland doesn’t move, aside from his head falling to Robin’s shoulder and Regina leans in and kisses his messy hair before turning into the dressing room to change--and as he carries his son to the nursery, he ignores the queasy feeling in his stomach and stops himself just short of regretting ever going to see Rupert Gold.

_____

Getting away from Sherwood refreshes her.

Despite the cold, they take the scenic route into town. They talk lightly at first, filling each other in on all of the mundane occurrences over the past couple of days and trading anecdotal stories about their sons. She laughs when Robin elaborates on the restless nights he shared with Roland, and she blushes when he confesses that he found it difficult to unwind without her beside him.

They move on quickly to more serious topics and she listens intently as Robin fills her in on his meeting with Will Scarlett--and as he goes on, it's hard to stifle her smile.

She hadn’t been at all sure of herself when she suggested it--and to be honest, she had no idea what Robin was going to do with her answer or why he wanted to know, so she’d just said the first thing that came to mind--but in the first weeks of their marriage when they’d first started meeting to discuss the estate, she had no idea that his intentions were sincere. At the time, she thought he was simply being kind; after all, everyone knew the Locksleys had done well for themselves, that their estate was growing, and she had every reason to think that the younger Mr. Locksley was just as shrewd at managing the estate’s finances as the elder. Then, their conversations seemed as if they were merely a way to make her feel involved and valued; she never imagined that he actually cared about her opinions. She thought he merely wanted to extend an olive branch and set the tone for their union.

But looking back, she saw it differently.

There’d been a glint in his eyes when he’d asked her what she’d invest in if money were infinite and risk wasn’t a factor--and he’d nodded along as she explained the steam engine seemed ready to change the world. Locomotives were, of course, dangerous, but improving every year--and she easily saw a world connected by railway in her own lifetime.

It was the silly thing her father might have said--he was always making risky investment in the latest technology, most of which flopped horribly--and it seemed a sure way to lose a fortune. But Robin disagreed and asked to hear more of her thoughts, and she’d hesitated momentarily before spilling all that she knew about the topic. She talked about the speed of the engines and how finding the right formula to successfully run a train would happen sooner rather than later, and she talked about how exciting it’d be to be on the cusp of something so exciting and life-altering, how even the farthest parts of the country could be connected to the center.

Her cheeks flushed when he chuckled softly, and she’d been fully prepared for him to tell her that her ideas were outlanding and silly, that locomotives transported coal, not people or that a transcontinental railroad would rip up the countryside and ruin the earth--but he admitted he’d had similar thoughts ever since Blenkinsop had built a function locomotive that could transport merchandise, he’d thought the transporting of people was inevitable.

They’d laughed together and agreed to discuss it again, and once more, she was sure that the topic would be dropped--but the next week, Robin presented her with an advertisement. A man named Stephenson hoped to link some of the larger villages--Manchester to Liverpool, all of London--and was looking for investors. She’d chewed nervously on her lip as he’d asked her to help him pen a letter to a man named Will Scarlett, who worked for Stephenson, and that had been that…

“He’s meeting with some chap from Berlin--”

“Berlin?”

Robin nods. “Someone who worked for the Royal Berlin Iron Foundry. Says he can build a track.”

“Here? Not there?”

“Here, in Stockton,” Robin confirms. “He left there for… some reason.” Robin shrugs as she looks over at him. “I don’t know why and I don’t particularly care. What I do care about is this.”

Regina watches as he rummages through his pocket, grinning triumphantly as he pulls out a scrap of paper. She blinks as he holds it between two fingers and extends it to her. “And what is this?”

“Look.”

Her eyes narrow as she unfolds the paper. “Alri--oh.” Her eyes widen as she looks at the number, written in pencil on the paper. “Is this…” She looks to Robin. “What is this?”

“That’s our cut of Stephenson’s last patent.”

“Just our cut? Not--”

“Just ours,” he beams. “And they’ll only get bigger from here.”

Swallowing, she looks back at the paper scrap. “Robin, this is more than--”

“Expected,” he supplies as her voice falters. “I know. Quite a lot more, too.”

Nodding, she hands him back the paper scrap and her stomach flutters. She hadn’t imaged the returns to be as large as they’d been, but it seemed the more steam locomotives became safer and more reliable, the more possibilities for their use opened up, and the more return there was on their initial investment. If things kept up as they were, they’d soon match the sizable sum her parents had set aside from her dowry--and if they kept up beyond that, their investments would outgrow the money her father had lost and possibly even the amount his father had contributed, over his whole lifetime, to the estate.

“So, you continued.”

“Yes,” he says easily. “I reinvested it almost all again.”

“Almost all--”

Robin nods. “I spread our investment out a bit.”

“Oh?” Regina murmurs as Robin looks to her an grins as their carriage rounds the bend and edges toward town. “And… that has nothing to do with Mr. Gold?” Regina laughs a little as his eyes narrow and roll. “You know I’m not going to let this go.”

“But I wish you would,” he sighs, bristling a little. “I don’t have any information to supply you. It’s… a moot point to bring up.” And then, a grin twists onto his lips. “I’d rather talk about how Will and I bought a coal mine.”

“A coal mine,” she repeats, her eyes widening slightly. “You mean--”

“If these locomotives really take off, we could be a supplier.”

“Oh… wow… I hadn’t--” She blinks. “I hadn’t really thought of that.”

“It’s up north.”

“Oh--”

“Near the lodge,” he tells her, his eyes shining as his brows wiggle. “So, perhaps when we go up at the end of the month, we could check it out.”

“I’d like that,” she tells him with an earnest nod--and then her brow arches. “But you’re keeping something from me and I think it’s about Gold.”

Her stomach lurches as he looks away from her, and her head spins with possibilities that make her regret pushing at the subject.

“I hired him,” he confesses in a low voice, carefully keeping his eyes ahead on the path. “He wasn’t there to see me, but I did hire him.”

“Oh,” Regina murmurs. “Why?”

Again, there’s a long pause and then, Robin looks over at her. “Zelena.”

“Zelena.”

He nods. “She’s up to something. I don’t know what. I can’t quite connect the dots, but it’s more than... the comforts a man of my father’s position can bring her. This isn’t about getting to live in a great house and attend soirees where she can wear expensive things or finding some unsuspecting sap to bankroll of the lavish lifestyle she thinks herself entitled. This is different.” He looks back to the path. “I… I’m worried it’s… more.”

“But… that’s what she does. It’s what she always does. She latches on until--”

“I’m worried this time it concerns you.”

“Me? Well, it’s obvious she’s lost all--”

“Regina, she kissed me.”

“What?” Her stomach flops and her mouth goes dry. “She… she kissed you? When? Why didn’t--”

“I shouldn’t have kept it from you, but--”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” she cuts in, her voice rising as her cheeks burn, and she actively has to remind herself that her upset shouldn’t be directed at him. “Why did you?” she asks, her voice calmer as she fidgets with her fingers. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know,” he admits. “I just… I don’t know what she’s up to, exactly, and I didn’t want you to confront her and… and her have the upper hand and… do something to you.”

“Do something?” Regina scoffs. “I don’t think there’s anything else she could do that--”

“You don’t know that,” he cuts in. “You didn’t see her that night--”

“When she kissed you--”

“Yes,” he sighs. “I’d never seen her look that way. She’s always been snide and stuck up, but this was different. She was almost manic--crazed, like--you could see it in her eyes.”

“She gets like that when she wants something.”

“But am I what she wants? She’d barely given me the time of day before then and why would she risk my father finding out?”

“Maybe she didn’t think he would,” Regina suggest, her voice almost hushed as her stomach flops. “I wonder--”

“She timed it, Regina,” Robin tells her, cutting in and looking over at her with eyes full of concern. “She made sure that we were caught.” Pressing her eyes closed, she sighs--that’s why maids were talking about him kissing someone else and that’s why she smelled someone else’s perfume on him that night. “And… I don’t know that you were her target.”

“What?” she asks, her eyes fluttering open as her brow furrows. “What do you mean?”

Robin shrugs, sighing loudly as his head falls back a bit. “I wish I knew.”

“Oh…”

“So, that’s why I went to Gold. I wanted to… find something on her.”

“And?”

Robin shrugs. “I have to meet with him later on today in some seedy little tavern on the outskirts of town.” Her lips part, ready to insist that she should come along, but Robin shakes his head knowingly and she frowns. “I don’t want you near him. He’s dangerous and--”

“Strength in numbers?”

“That’s a rule for debutantes going to the powder room.”

Bristling, she sits back as they start toward Main Street. “But I--”

“No,” he cuts in as a smile twists onto his lips. “Besides, you’ve another errand to run.”

“I do?” she asks, her brow cocked as she looks back at him. “And what errand is that?”

“You need to go see Ruby and order something for Mary Margaret Blanchard’s ball.”

“Oh, Robin, I don’t think we should--”

“I want to go,” he cuts in. “I want to go and spend a night drinking and dancing with you, making all the other poor chaps jealous.”

“You’ll hardly make anyone jealous.”

“I beg to differ. I just happen to be married to the prettiest--”

“Flattery won’t make me forget about your meeting with Gold or--”

“You’re not going,” he says firmly. “Instead, you’re going to pick out some fabric and have Ruby make it into some dress you’ll make look stunning and--”

Regina folds her arms over her chest and frowns. “This is so patronizing.”

Robin sighs. “I don’t mean to be patronizing, but the simple truth is that I don’t want to give that man any leverage over me, and if he catches a glimpse between us, he’ll know exactly how much you mean to me.” Regina’s eyes roll as their carriage pulls up in front of Granny Lucas’s dress shop. “And truth be told, the fact that he was near Sherwood and I don’t know why makes me a bit nervous as it is.”

“That’s still incredibly patronizing,” she murmurs. “But Belle did give me something to give to Ruby, so you win… this time.”

Robin presses a kiss to her cheek before jumping down from the carriage, offering her his hand as he helps her down and presses a kiss to her cheek, suggesting they’ll rendezvous for luncheon at the tavern by the park. Then, just after she kisses him back, she grins and nods and agrees that a lunch of anything other than broth shared with Henry sounds lovely.

As she makes her way to the door, she watches as he starts down Main Street again, then rounds the corner, leading the carriage away from town--and with a wistful sigh, she puts on a smile and pushes away all thoughts of Rupert Gold.

Granny Lucas smiles at her as the door opens and the bell attached to it jingles, and she holds her breath as another customer looks away. Guilt pangs at her core as the woman pulls her hand away from a spool of fabric, and she looks away as the woman skirts past her, making a hasty exit.

“I’m sor--”

“Never mind it ,” Granny says, shaking her head. “She always orders things on the cheap, then complains until we take more off. Always trying to get something for nothing. Good riddance, I say.” Regina offers a weak little smile as she turns and watches the woman hurrying down the street, hating that the Lucas’ lost business because of her. “What brings you in today?”

“Oh, I, um… I have something for Ruby.”

“Ah, well, she’s in the back fixing a hem,” Granny tells her, smiling gently. “You’re more than welcome to go back, or I can deliver--”

“No,” Regina murmurs, her smile brightening a bit. “I promised this would be personally delivered.”

Granny laughs softly and grins, directing her to the back work room--and Regina feels a slight bit of relief when the bell on the door jingles again as another customer enters, hopefully replacing any sale they might’ve made when the last customer left.

She lingers in the doorway, watching as Ruby sews. The fabric is lace and it looks so delicate and she doesn’t want to catch her off-guard, so she just stands there watching as she weaves the thread through the lace--and she offers a sheepish laugh when Ruby’s eyes slowly turn up to meet hers.

“I didn’t expect you,” she says. “Usually Belle writes or--”

“Oh, but that’s why I’m here.”

Ruby’s smile fades. “Is she alright? I know she’s been sick and--”

“She’s fine,” Regina’s quick to say. “Or, she will be.” Reaching into the pocket of her skirt, she pulls out a little envelope that’s held closed with some twine. “She wanted me to bring this to you.”

“So, you’re here as a courier for your maid?”

“Something like that.”

Ruby brightens as Regain extends the envelope and takes a few steps into the workroom. She gets up and meets her half way, taking the envelope and rubbing her fingers along its edges--and as Ruby takes in Belle’s letter, Regina stares at lace on the sewing table.

“Do you… sell that lace?”

“What?” Ruby asks, turning back and watching as Regina touches her fingers to it. “Oh, yes. Now we do. I ordered it from Italy for a wedding dress, but turns out, it’s only going to be used for the veil. And the first one I made was too long.”

Regina nods, her stomach fluttering as a smile tugs up at the corner of her mouth. “So, if you have enough for a dress, you certainly have enough for a robe.”

Ruby nods. “It pairs nicely as an overlay with quite a few different--”

“No,” Regina cuts in. “I just want the lace.”

“Just the lace,” Ruby says slowly, looking to the thin fabric. “But it’s practically--” Regina’s cheeks flush Ruby’s voice halts as she suddenly understands--and then, the two of them dissolve into a fit of awkward giggles.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: The Legend of Korra

Avatar: The Last Airbender is, without a single doubt in my mind, one of, if not the, greatest cartoons of all time; it’s up there with Batman: The Animated Series, The Simpsons, and all those other time-tested classics. But even as it ended, there was always this feeling like the magnificent world created for the show could be explored ever further, expanded upon, and just in general be given a whole lot of new perspectives.

Enter The Legend of Korra.

The show is set several decades after Aang saved the world (as Katara always believed he could, according to the opening narration). Aang eventually died and a new avatar was born, the titular Korra; the show is all about how she comes into her own as the Avatar.

Now, just from that brief summary, it seems like this show would be an awesome thing right off the bat, right? Everything is there for this to be an epic continuation of an incredible animated work… and yet, it took this show two Books to truly find itself, and even then there were some truly questionable storytelling decisions that leave this show far behind Avatar in terms of quality. And look, I like this show. I really do. I enjoy it, I enjoy seeing the callbacks to the earlier series, I like most of the villains a great deal, I love the mythos they created about the Avatar as a concept by showing us its origin, there is a lot of genuinely great stuff that’s on par with the original series here. But while the original show had weak episodes here and there, Korra had entire weak Books; where the original show had some occasional bad writing, Korra had some truly bad plot points; and where the original show had a dragged-out romantic arc that, while a bit tedious, never really overstayed its welcome, Korra had one of the absolute worst romantic arcs in modern fiction with the most terrible, stupid, pandering, and nonsensical ending imaginable, one that insults me on so many levels.

But I’m getting far ahead of myself there. I’m going to briefly go over each Book and what works about each, and what doesn’t. The best place to start is from the beginning, so… let’s start there.

Book 1 has a sort of reputation as being a Book that was too rushed to really live up to its full potential. And you know what? I’ll agree to that. Nickelodeon really screwed this show over big time throughout its run, but the tiny amount of episodes they allowed the first Book was a big problem. The plot that doesn’t really get going until halfway through, the inane twists, the rushed conclusion… with more episodes things could have been fleshed out a lot better. Here’s the thing, though: even with more time, if they kept a lot of this Book the same… it would still suck a whole lot of ass.

Book 1 is pretty much a trainwreck, evident from the first scene, which shows a toddler Korra bursting through a wall, showing off every kind of bending save air, and saying “I’M THE AVATAR AND YOU GOTTA DEAL WITH IT!” This is our introduction to our main character. This is the first time we see her, our first impression. And they decide to introduce her in the least likable, most obnoxious, and dare I say most Mary Sue-ish way possible.

Now I have gone on record before saying I absolutely loathe the term Mary Sue; I find it to be a term that lacks any real substance to it and is really just shorthand for someone to dismiss a character. But the most common definition - a character who has so much going for them, rarely suffers any consequences, and is just well liked by everyone while getting the world handed to them - actually, sadly, fits Korra in the early episodes. She’s good at all forms of bending save air from when she’s a toddler, she almost instantly becomes a pro playing sports, she gets two cute boys fawning over her, she gets the greatest possible airbending teacher anyone could ask for… One could argue she gets built up so much like this to make her being torn down halfway through the Book more powerful, but it just really comes off as grating and obnoxious to watch.

It’s not like the other characters are written much better. Mako in particular is written to be one of the biggest morons on Earth, and Bolin, while charming, is something of a Diet Sokka. Tenzin is easily the best character of the Book, what with being voiced by J.K. Simmons and all, but his children… yuck. All of them are annoying and just feel superfluous, with Meelo in particular existing for seemingly no reason other than fart jokes. It’s not like Avatar was above using those kinds of jokes, but they didn’t have an entire character dedicated to them. Lin Beifong is pretty cool, a worthy successor to Toph, though be warned: she takes a lot of stupid pills between this Book and the next. Asami is pretty and badass, and she’s also one of the better characters of the Book, but sadly she gets tangled up in the worst aspect of the entire first Book: the love triangle.

The love triangle involves Korra, who is loved by Bolin and Mako, though Mako was in a relationship with Asami after they met, and Korra is with Bolin, but secretly likes Mako and… who cares? This is not what anyone wants out of a show based on Avatar. Just because they’re teenagers doesn’t mean they need to get up in all of this sub-par soap opera bullshit. This here honestly ruins the Book; while some would say Book 2 was the weaker Book due to its incredibly stupid plot and lackluster villain, at least Book 2 had Varrick and the Avatar Wan episodes. This Book really doesn’t have any big plus it can count in its favor. No, not even Amon.

Amon is the villain of Book 1, and early on he is just indescribably cool. His menacing voice provided by the always excellent Steve Blum, his creepy mask that evokes the titular V of V for Vendetta, his ability to remove bending, the fact he manages to scare Korra shitless… it’s all amazing. And then comes the reveal that he’s actually a bender. A waterbender, even. He has been using bloodbending this whole time to remove people’s bending. All of the shit from the big reveal really just leads to defang Amon from a nightmarish force to be reckoned with to a miserable bundle of angst. Noatak, who he is revealed to truly be, feels like an entirely different character. Still, even with his derailment, his final scene is one of the most effective in the entire series: as he and his brother escape on a flying ship, his brother, despite his brother’s words indicating that he wants to start over a new life with him and have things be good between them again, takes an electrical gauntlet and fires into the ship’s fuel tank, causing an explosion which kills them both. This is a murder-suicide that was shown on Nickelodeon. It is emotional, powerful, and truly shocking in a good way. It’s easily the standout scene of the Book, and almost makes it worth it.

Then comes the asspull.

You see, Korra had her bending taken by Amon. This could have led to so many incredible storylines as she worked to gain it back, utilizing only the airbending she was stuck with, the one kind of bending she wasn’t instantly good at. Sure, it may have ended up retreading a bit of Aang’s struggles, but that was good stuff! But instead… Aang’s spirit comes out of nowhere and the past Avatars all combine their powers and POOF! Korra gets her bending back. This is a dreadful resolution; I get they were unsure if they’d get to follow up on this or not, but leaving the door open with uncertainty is so much better than closing a bunch of doors. Why not have her just get a talk from Aang, telling her she can get her power back with enough training? End it on a dark but still hopeful note, with her having to work back up to how she was before. That would have been a hell of a lot better than this deus ex machina crap.

Overall, Book 1 is just a hot mess. It has isolated elements that are pretty good, but overall it’s kind of a complete mess story wise and character wise. It’s frankly amazing this show got a second Book… but it did. And oh lord is this Book something.

Book 2’s biggest crime is that it is utterly forgettable. I hardly remember anything from the first half of this Book because it is just so bland and uninteresting, and while it’s nowhere near as bad as Book 1’s love triangle, it doesn’t even stick in the mind. The shining gem of this first half - and the Book as a whole, mind you, if not the SERIES - is Varrick, the eccentric inventor, and his beleaguered assistant Zhu Li, who is frequently asked by Varrick to “do the thing.” These two make all the difference; without them this Book would easily be more unwatchable than the first, but with them… well, it still sucks but they manage to carry things.

Unalaq, the villain of the Book, is an utter bore. He’s obviously bad from the get-go and he is easily overshadowed later by the far more intriguing Vaatu, who ties deep into the mythos of the series by being one of the reasons the Avatar came to be at all. Unalaq also has two kids who are just as boring as he is and who spend the series not doing much anything noteworthy.

The real draws of this Book are basically everything to do with the spirits and their realm, as well as the origin story of the Avatar. Avatar Wan’s big two parter is the first part of the series to feel as fresh and epic as the original series, and it shows us just how the Avatar came to be in the first place. The other scenes in the spirit world are pretty great, featuring appearances from Uncle Iroh, Wan Shi Ton, and Admiral Zhao of all people. Then there’s the big shakeup at the end: Korra is now cut off from her past lives, and spirits and humans can now live together. These are some huge changes to the status quo of the series to the point where it feels like an apology for how bad and pointless Book 1 feels in the grand scheme of things. And you know what? Apology accepted. Book 2 is a mess, but it manages to find itself in the end and help steer the show into being the great work it ended up as.

Now on to Book 3.Book 3 is where the show really was able to show off how great it could be, to the point my only issues with the Book are minor. Most of my problems stem from the fact that Korra had very small Book, with about 12 or so episodes per book as opposed to Avatar’s 20. This is kind of a problem, because it gives some characters less of a time to develop, a fate that unfortunately befalls the members of the Red Lotus who aren’t Zaheer. Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore the Red Lotus and think they’re all fascinating villains, and Zaheer is one of the most interesting villains in the series as an evil airbender, but Ming-Hua, Ghazan, and P’Li sadly get very little in terms of backstory. You DO get something, but they end up feeling more like the Cobra Unit from Snake Eater than fully fleshed-out bad guys… which is to say, they’re fun and effective, just don’t expect them to show great complexity. I wholeheartedly believe that they could have been expanded on if Book 3 had those extra seven episodes in it, and it’s a real shame we didn’t get to truly explore these fascinating characters.

My other problems, again, are pretty minor. I didn’t much care for Bumi becoming an airbender, and felt like it sort of cheapened his and Tenzin’s character a bit. Kai, a pubescent airbender scamp, was not a very likable character here, and it was pretty annoying having to put up with him, not to mention his ship tease with Jinora. Zuko also shows up, but it’s in a very minor role and he’s not really focused on at all. There’s a few more nitpicks here and there but these things are really my main issues.

The story is a lot darker and more mature here, especially in its repercussions for the rest of the series. Korra’s near-death experience here leaves her broken and haunted by PTSD, which becomes a major focus in Book 4. This Book is also where they really stopped giving a shit, and there are several particularly shocking and gruesome deaths for the show. We have Zaheer answer that age-old fan question “Could an airbender suck the air out of somene’s lungs?” with a demonstration on the Earth Queen, P’Li’s laser eye backfires and blows her head up, Ming-Hua is painfully electrocuted to death, and Ghazan takes a page from Gollum’s book and dies immersed in lava (and rubble for good measure).

This Book truly delivers the experience this series promised us in the beginning; it truly feels like an evolution of the Avatar series in the best way possible. While there are a few bumps here and there, there’s nothing really brutally bad that could derail the overall quality of the season. It has a great villain, and that villain has a great villain posse; there’s a lot of great cameos and character appearances, including some surprising ones; we learn more about Lin’s past; we get a whole lot more airbenders and an interesting plot going on with them that even in the end makes Kai more likable; and most importantly we have a solid plot with real consequences on the characters.

Oh, and there’s that little Zelda Williams character who appears near the end… wonder what her significance is…

She’s Book 4’s bad guy.

Book 4 is the final season of Korra, and while I don’t think many would say it surpasses Book 3 (which is quite the task, considering), I definitely think it’s a really great final season that wraps up just about everything that needs to be wrapped up. It also does a really good job with character development, like, REALLY good.

This season is where Korra really becomes a character I love, because her struggles are very personal and interesting. She’s constantly haunted by what happened to her in Book 3, and is stalked by a shadowy version of herself wherever she goes. Long gone is the obnoxious borderline Mary Sue character that she felt like in the first season; here, Korra truly feels human and relatable. More impressive than even that may be the transformation of the character Prince Wu, who starts the season as one of the single most unlikable characters in the whole series but ends up as an amusing and even somewhat heroic figure. Frankly I find it hard to hate a character who utilizes his terrible singing to help evacuate a city.

As I mentioned before, Kuvira is the villain, and she’s very much a visionary sort who thinks ruling the world under her iron fist is what’s best for everyone. Zelda Williams really gives her a real air of importance and even a bit of sympathy; she’s definitely a great example of an anti-villain of the quality of Zaheer, though I wouldn’t go as far as to say she’s as good as him exactly. Still, one can’t help but appreciate a woman who creates a massive robot that fires death lasers made out of entirely unbendable platinum. I know a lot of people find this thing to be utterly ridiculous and stupid, with little foreshadowing of its existence and just in general how ludicrously impossible and impractical it could be… but come on, it’s a GIANT ROBOT. I guess it just appeals to my inner Metal Gear fan, even if I do realize and accept it’s the most ridiculous thing in any of the two series.

I think what’s really great about this book is how it really just makes things that shouldn’t work, work really well. Case in point: there was an annoying, executive mandated clip show that, if they didn’t do, would have caused a lot of staff to be laid off. So what does the team do? They use the episode to take the piss out of everything in the show that didn’t work, from the shitty romance subplots to a hilarious scene where Zaheer, Amon, and Vaatu are all on the phone and trying to keep not just Unalaq, but Varrick’s movie version of Unalaq, out of the loop. In fact, the entire thing basically being Varrick doing an abridged series of the show is golden, because everything Varrick does is golden. Speaking of Varrick, his “Do the thing” catchphrase is used interestingly three times: one time it is a legitimately heartbreaking tearjerker, and the other two are just the sweetest, most heartwarming things you will ever hear. This sounds absurd, but again: this Book is all about making the most implausible things end up pretty good.

There’s so much about this Book that really makes it stand out - from Hiroshi Sato managing to reconcile with his daughter and sacrifice himself to the return of so many characters to just about everyone getting a happy ending… it’s a shame that it all got overshadowed by the most shallow, stupid moment of the entire series. Hell, BOTH series. You know what I’m talking about, you know what it is, it’s the thing that made me want to write this review in the first place:

Asami and Korra end up an official couple.

Now, generally speaking I wouldn’t have a problem with this. I like both characters, I myself am bisexual so it’s nice to see characters represent me in media, and hey, I’ve always championed Dumbledore as a great LGBT character when he was never explicitly shown to be so, so why do I hate this so much? Well, in regards to the latter, here’s the thing: Dumbledore is not the main character of the series, and his homosexuality is foreshadowed. We are not privy to Dumbledore’s private thoughts, we are not even given an in-depth look at his character until he dies in the penultimate book, and romance was never really a focus of the character. In contrast, Korra is in fact the main character of the show and who we follow the most, romance has unfortunately been a major factor in her development since the first Book, and the biggest problem: her being bi for Asami comes right the fuck out of nowhere.

There is like one line earlier in the book where Korra, while wandering, only really wrote to Asami. That’s it. These two barely interact or show any signs of romantic interest in each other until that final moment when they walk into the portal together. It feels like the ultimate ass pull, just a really lame third option to resolve all the love triangle garbage while simultaneously winning brownie points for being such a bold, daring move for a cartoon… but it doesn’t even show them kiss. They stare longingly at each other. THAT’S IT. Contrast Steven Universe, which is wholly and unabashedly filled with LGBT romance, particularly Garnet, who is literally the physical embodiment of a lesbian relationship, or even Adventure Time, who built up PB and Marceline’s past romance before having them get together and even kiss onscreen in the finale of that show. Korra is ultimately nothing`special, and that final moment was not a big step forward for representation or an important moment in TV history. It was a poorly built up shocking swerve that ended a series that had finally risen to the quality of the series it spun off from with the same bullshit that hampered this show’s original seasons to begin with.

Despite this, Book 4 is definitely a good finale to a show that, while it didn’t start out as such, ended up great. Really, the fact the final book was good despite having a lot of stupid elements and bad romantic resolutions is sort of a microcosm of the show as a whole, and showed despite those things the show could still tell an interesting story and be as grand as the original show was.

I don’t think this is one of the greatest cartoons of all time, but as a sort of follow up to the original series, I think it’s pretty solid. It was at its best when it was trying to tell mature stories and deal with darker subject matter than one would expect from a modern cartoon, and fumbled when it tried to shoehorn in the sort of romantic gunk one expects from teenagers. It worked best with its characters when their flaws felt natural and their issues were personal, and its villains worked better when they had simple yet fully fleshed out goals rather than overly complicated backstories or evil for the sake of evil. Korra is most definitely a mixed bag, but it’s a mixed bag I definitely recommend opening up sometime. If you liked the original show or just like story-driven or action oriented shows in general, this is one of the best ones of recent years. You have to slog through some crummy stuff to get to the gems, but boy oh boy are those gems shiny.

Also, I should have mentioned this earlier, but I am just so happy Toph is just a cranky old bad bitch even after all that time. Even while the Avatar world changed so much, it’s nice to know that some things will never change,

[nellie-elizabeth]

Supernatural: Stranger in a Strange Land (14x01)

And we're back. Let's just dive right in.

Cons:

This was a perfectly serviceable episode, but it didn't have some of the high energy and epic moments and intense emotion that I'm used to from a Supernatural premiere. It's possible I wasn't in the right head space. I think part of the problem is that this show is really at its best when Sam and Dean are onscreen together, or rather when Jensen and Jared are onscreen together. As a necessary part of the story, we don't get that here.

I have been really forgiving of Samantha Smith's performance as Mary Winchester, but I've got to be brutally honest and say that she gives kind of a flat read, and she's often a bit unconvincing. Sam is so clearly devastated by what's happened to Dean, and Mary is supposed to be, too. It's just... not totally gripping me.

I don't ordinarily comment on the direction and editing, but the fight scene between Sam, Mary, Bobby, Jack, and the random girl whose name I haven't learned on one side, and random demons on the other was... badly edited. The pacing was weird, there was odd zooms ans slow-motion... it looked ridiculous. Bad fight choreography and editing and directing. Or at least one of those things.

At one point the Crowley wanna-be demon, Kip, points out that Cas is basically only good for being bait for the Winchesters. We've seen Cas do plenty of bad-ass things in the past, but it must be said that this show is pretty wildly inconsistent with Cas' capabilities. Sometimes he's totally competent, and other times he's kind of an idiot, getting himself into trouble and finding himself too weak to deal with stuff that Sam can take care of, no problem. I don't want Cas to be a joke!

Okay, one other note: The CW screwed up pretty big by trying to be clever with an advertisement. There was a commercial for the new Halloween movie with the famous character Michael, so they showed a clip of Sam asking Nick (Lucifer's vessel) about "Michael" so they could ease in to the commercial. The problem? This little clip came before we had seen Nick in the episode, and the moment when that happens was supposed to be a big reveal. We get Sam walking hesitantly into the room, we see a figure in shadow, and slowly we see that it's Mark Pellegrino's face. This "surprise" was totally undercut by the ad. Bummer.

Pros:

But while we're at it, let's talk about Nick, shall we? I can completely understand why a lot of people are less than thrilled to see Mark Pellegrino hanging around. It doesn't make a lick of sense, for one thing - how on earth did this vessel survive all of that? Also, is this just a way for Lucifer to stealthily come back at some point? Because that would really undercut a lot of the tension. All that said, I think Mark Pellegrino is a good actor, and I'm excited that we get to keep him around. They also seem to be taking Sam's past trauma seriously for once, as he is clearly very uncomfortable around Nick, seeing the face of his tormentor when he looks at him. Jared did a great job with that.

It's a little too early to say for sure, but I really like the potential with having the Apocalypse world people around. Now that Michael is terrorizing this dimension, maybe they will be able to go back home at some point and save their own world, but for the time being it's cool to have something of a bigger ensemble around. They hang out in the bunker, they make food, they go on organized hunts, planned and led by Sam Winchester. It's a totally different feel, and I'm really curious to see if they actually keep it up for a while instead of just doing a typical three-and-out thing like they usually do with shake-ups to the structure of the show. I think we can still do C-plot episodes with this gang around, and I hope we do. At any rate, it's definitely nice to have some version of Bobby back on the show!

Poor Jack. I love this kid and I feel for him so much. He's struggling without his grace. He feels useless, and no amount of pep talk from Sam or Bobby can fix that. However, he does come along with Sam on the mission to save Cas, and hopefully he will learn to see his value, separate from his powers. I'm thrilled that Jack has become such a big part of the show. I was so nervous about him at the beginning of last season, and now I just love him to pieces and hope he's around for the long haul. Hearing Sam try to comfort him gave me all the feels.

God. Sam. He's just devastated. He's exhausted, and stressed, he has a sexy depression beard, and he looks on the verge of bursting into tears at any second. We see how he's holding it together for the sake of the people around him. He's ordering troops around on vampire hunts, he's checking in on Jack, he's trying to help out Nick, he's going on rescue missions to get Cas back, all while barely holding on to his control.

I loved the moment in the car between Sam and Mary, when he tells her to stop with the empty platitudes that they'll be able to get Dean back, that Cas will be okay... Sam is hyper-aware of the fact that Dean is gone, that he has no idea where is brother is, if Dean is even alive. Of course Sam will never stop looking for him. Of course. But he doesn't want to keep pretending to be optimistic. We see how various characters are handling Dean being gone throughout the episode. But the final exchange we see is between Sam and Cas, both expressing that they would do anything in the world to get Dean back. Mary is Dean's mother, but the show appropriately shows us the two people in the world who Dean loves the most, the only two people who can truly understand each other's pain and fear. That's Sam and Cas, and I love that the show seems to know that.

Also, a quick update on how much of a bad-ass Sam Winchester has come to be: holy shit! He took down Kip, which was a relief (I don't want a knock-off Crowley, thanks much), and he literally shouted down the rest of the demons and got them to run scared. Sam Winchester has declared that there will be no new King of Hell, and it seems that at least for the moment, the demons are heeding that warning. Yes! You tell 'em, Sammy!

It was so strange to have a full episode of Supernatural without Dean Winchester in it. Jensen is doing a pretty good job playing Michael, although I did notice a few Dean mannerisms creeping in. I like that we didn't get too much Michael. His ultimate plan is still something of a mystery. He wants to understand people's motivations, and thus far he seems disappointed by what he views as humanity's hypocrisy. He finds Sister Jo, which means we got a fun scene between Jensen and Danneel, and it looks like Jo is, at least mostly, on the side of the angels. By which I mean not the angel Michael, but the good guys.

In the past, whenever we've had some big shake-up separating the brothers, we've gotten back to status-quo fairly quickly. Demon Dean was cured at the end of the third episode of the season. Sam and Dean were reunited immediately in episodes 4x01, 6x01, and 8x01, after their various deaths and resurrections/escapes. I mentioned that the energy of this show is best when Jensen and Jared share the screen. But at the same time, I would love to see them actually play the long-game here. What would it look like if Jensen Ackles actually played Michael until the midseason break? What would it be like if we actually waited until 2019 to see Sam and Dean reunite? It seems highly unlikely, but I do hope they stretch it out a little further than usual this time.

In all, this wasn't the strongest premiere ever, but Sam and Cas gave me enough good material, and there are various other little threads that look like they have the potential to be really cool in future!

7.5/10

[taaroko]

Post-IW MCU Rewatch: Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Here we go, Winter Soldier. I somehow never watch this one outside of marathons, even though I know it’s amazing. 

ON YOUR LEFT

Steve and Nat’s friendship is awesome. I love how invested she is in his love life and how confused he is by that.

“Well, all the guys from my barbershop quartet are dead, so no, not really.” I’m still trying to figure out how to define Steve’s sense of humor. It’s like quiet, deadpan understatement? I guess? I love it.

That shield looks pretty dingy, Cap. Could do with a wash.

There’s a really random sting in the score when Nat attacks a dude, and for a second you think it’s going to be a kinda retro spy score, but then it’s just over. Weird.

Steve has by now adjusted quite well to being a part of modern tactical missions, if less so to being a part of modern everyday life.

This French pirate dude really likes his unnecessary acrobatics.

Bonus points to Cap for doing trash talk in French.

One of the best parts about Steve and Nat’s friendship is how seamlessly they work together in battle. Whenever there’s something dangerous (especially explosions) on the way, she hunkers down or grabs onto him and lets him and his shield do the work, and they don’t even have to signal each other.

“Last time I trusted someone, I lost an eye.” Oooooh I wonder if that has anything to do with the Skrulls in Captain Marvel. Can’t wait to find out.

“I thought the punishment usually came after the crime.” “By holding a gun to everyone on earth and calling it protection.” “This isn’t freedom. This is fear.” Cap is not down with your surveillance state or pre-crime nonsense.

I love the awed little kid who spots him. So cute.

*pauses on Bucky’s memorial* “When Bucky Barnes first met Steve Rogers on the playgrounds of Brooklyn, little did he know that he was forging a bond that would take him to the battlefields of Europe and beyond. Born in 1916, Barnes grew up the oldest child of four. An excellent athlete who also excelled in the classroom, Barnes enlisted in the Army shortly after the attack on Pearl Harbor. After winter training at Camp McCoy, Wisconsin, Barnes and the rest of the 107th shipped out to the Italian front. Captured by Hydra troops later that fall, Barnes endured long periods of isolation, depravation, and torture. But his will was strong. In an ironic twist of fate, his prison camp was liberated by none other than his childhood friend, Steve Rogers, now Captain America. Reunited, Barnes and Rogers led Captain America’s newly formed unit, the Howling Commandos. Barnes’s marksmanship was invaluable as Rogers and his team destroyed Hydra bases and disrupted Nazi troop movements throughout the European Theater.

Wait a second. Up top, the thing says he was born in 1916, but at the bottom, it says he lived from 1917-1944. Wow. Nice continuity there, guy in charge of putting words and numbers on a single pane of glass.

Peggy! “He saved over a thousand men, including the man who would become my husband.” Yes and that man was Daniel Sousa. Oh hey, photos of Peggy with her kids! She had at least one son and one daughter. It’s hard to tell if the girl with her in the first picture is the same one as in the second picture.

The effect to make Hayley look old isn’t nearly as good as the effect to make Chris look skinny. It’s rather off-putting, actually. But oh man her dementia is so heartbreaking. “Well I couldn’t leave my best girl. Not when she owes me a dance.” *sobbing*

“What makes you happy?” “I don’t know.” *more sobbing* Everything that made Steve happy is seventy years gone. Steve is never not sad. No wonder he refuses to compromise for a second when it comes to Bucky.

The attack on Fury’s car is so nerve-wracking and he handles it so well. I wonder if Sam Jackson imagined he was going to get so much cool stuff to do in this role when he agreed to be in the end credits stinger of Iron Man.

The Winter Soldier’s introduction is masterful.

So...Fury pretty much got out of that by using his lightsaber. :D

Hi Sharon! This is some cute flirting.

“My wife kicked me out.” Was it because you insisted on taking your super-suit out for some daring do?

There it is. That Winter Soldier music. *shiver*

I totally bought Fury’s death when I saw this in theaters. Not sad that it turned out to be a ruse (I will never be sad about Marvel pulling character death-related punches), but I do think those bullet wounds were a little too convincing.

“To build a really better world sometimes means having to tear the old one down.” Heh. Except Cap is going to be tearing down your “better” world and standing up for the best parts of the old one.

Elevator fight! I love how observant Steve is. He’s always been that way. Just quietly taking in everything around him and putting it together. He’s brilliant. And then “It kinda feels personal.” Bahaha.

So if Steve falls a couple hundred feet and lands on his shield, it absorbs the impact ‘cause it’s vibranium?

Holy crap he took down a quinjet with just his shield.

I am not a fan of Nat’s straight hair in this one, especially with that center part. But it’s still better than how it looks in Infinity War. Especially the eyebrows.

Undercover engaged hipster couple Steve/Nat is so great. Steve is so bad at it and it’s adorable.

“Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable.” “Yes, they do.”

I love Nat putting her feet on the dash.

There’s no way Nat didn’t know who Peggy Carter was. She asked Steve to gage his reaction.

They are pretty far underground, in a bunker. How did the missile even affect them? Did they make a special chute for the missile to go into in case they needed to blow up the base? Doesn’t look like it.

The design for Zola’s computer face is effectively creepy.

Hydra’s plan is so insidious and horrifying. Screw up the world on purpose until people want to trade their privacy and freedom for security.

That’s a really pathetic amount of milk Pierce poured himself. Like two inches in a really tall glass. Weird.

So...I guess Sam has a straightener. For some reason. Why couldn’t they have just let Nat’s hair stay wavy?

Steve is so sweet with Nat. She’s numbly horrified that she might’ve been working for the bad guys this whole time and he’s all nice and reassuring. Aww.

Senator Stern arranging for a young prostitute with Sitwell is gross.

Nat: *kicks a guy off the roof* *immediately transitions to asking Steve about girls he could be asking out*

Okay how does Sam have access to military equipment like his wing pack when he’s not on active duty?

STEPHEN STRANGE. How is he already on Hydra’s radar? There’s no way Zola’s algorithm accounts for magic, and even if it does, how can it possibly predict that he’d become a master of it several years down the line? It’s not like he was dabbling in it in his surgeon days. That came about as the result of a freak car accident! Pfft. They clearly only threw that reference in there to get people freaking out about a possible future Doctor Strange movie. 

Bye Sitwell.

Hehe, as soon as the Winter Soldier shows up, Nat crawls into Steve’s lap ‘cause she knows he’s gonna have to make an insane exit and she will be PREPARED.

Okay I never noticed that Bucky ripped the freaking steering wheel out.

Gah, Steve getting tossed off the bridge and into the bus looks so incredibly painful.

So Bucky has now shot Nat twice. (I still ship it.)

There are some excellent kicks and knife fighting moves in this showdown. And the way the music ramps up is hair-raising.

I hate Runlow so much.

Maria is awesome.

Um, hi, Joe Russo. He plays Fury’s doctor! Dang! No role for Anthony, though.

“I’m with you to the end of the line.”

Yesss. Vintage Cap. And the shield is clean now! Symbolism!

HI DANNY PUDI. (Apparently Alison Brie was going to be Sharon Carter, but she had scheduling conflicts.)

I love this brave curly-haired kid. This is courage. He has no power and he’s so scared he might wet himself, but he will not launch those helicarriers even with a gun to his head.

Shouldn’t have helped SHIELD with that repulsor tech, Tony.

Okay, I guess Steve can tuck and roll to land a fifty foot drop without using the shield.

These helicarriers store their data in a really strange way.

“We’re the only air support Captain Rogers has got!” *all immediately get shot down and blown up by the Winter Soldier* Whoops.

I wonder if we’re gonna find out more about Bogota in Captain Marvel.

STEVE IS A CRAZY PERSON. You do not jump before you know you have your ride!

It’s a good thing Bucky neither knew nor cared what that data blade was.

I’d love to read a fic that’s just Steve and Thor sitting around talking about all the times Bucky and Loki have shot and/or stabbed them.

Sam has the correct reaction to Runlow’s nonsense.

Why is Jeremy Irons on the list of targets? I wish they’d put more Easter eggs in here, like the names of the Netflix Marvel characters and the Agents of Shield characters. It would’ve been an extremely unobtrusive way for the movies to reference the shows, instead of it always being one-sided.

It’s a good thing they were planning on firing after the count of 3, not on the count of 3.

Steve, you really need to work on your attitude towards exit strategies.

HOW did Runlow survive that?!

Steve would rather Bucky kill him than live in a world where Bucky can’t be saved. And that’s what saves Bucky. *wibble*

“On your left.” Bahaha.

Hi Pietro and Wanda!

Winter Soldier is awesome. I love a well-earned, narratively consistent game changer. One thing I definitely did not expect the MCU to do back then was buck the status quo, but they did it in a huge way, and they did it extremely effectively. I was deeply impressed. And it still holds up even looking back now. The way they tackle the issue of surveillance is very effective. Probably the best thing about this movie is that they realized that Steve Rogers was not going to work as a character if he adapted too much to modern times. Instead, they derived much of their conflict from the disconnect between Steve and his surroundings, and they added a deeply emotional connection at the core of it. Steve ultimately succeeds against Hydra and in getting through to Bucky by shedding his modern trappings and affiliations and going back to what he always was, complete with the old outfit and the shiny clean shield. Steve Rogers reminds us of the ideals America is supposed to stand for. Freedom, justice, honor, and truth. He makes us want to be more like that. Take a note, DC; this is the kind of thing you should’ve been doing with Superman. This is how you make a paragon character we can still be deeply invested in even as we look up to him. (They did a pretty good job with Diana, but the real test will be how she adapts in a more modern stand-alone film.)

Another great thing about this is that they kind of dumped all the side characters from Avengers into Steve’s story. As the First Avenger and as a man out of time, this a brilliant way to give him a new supporting cast without it being jarring and forcing us to spend a ton of time getting to know everyone. We already know Fury, Nat, and Maria and like them, so we’re perfectly prepared to watch them being awesome without feeling like it takes something away from Steve. We know the World Security Council. We know SHIELD. And then there’s Peggy, the Smithsonian exhibit, and Bucky that are all from Steve’s time. It’s a very solid foundation onto which we can add Sam, Sharon, Pierce, and Runlow. It just works so well. And Hydra manages to be even more frightening as an evil organization than it was in the first movie, when it was honestly kind of silly. (So many bonus points for how that played out in Agents of SHIELD, too. As far as I’m concerned, that was when the show finally got good, and it has steadily gotten better since.)