#friendom gift exchange

[tyrus-time]

Happy Friendom Gift Exchange! My gift is for @tyrusgoingfast 😁

You said you loved Tyrus + Buffy’s friendships with Cyrus and TJ, especially when she meddles in their relationship, so I was inspired to do a “draw the squad” meme....

And this promoted headcanons, of course:

Post-finale, Cyrus and TJ are always being cute together but as time goes on, they each secretly feel awkward about not having kissed each other yet.

Cyrus is nervous about it because his precious kissing experience (with Iris) was not exactly ideal. Also, he doesn’t want to come on too strong if TJ isn’t ready for that level of gay affection.

TJ is nervous about it because he’s never kissed anyone, a fact that he is embarrassed by and Cyrus is not aware of.

Basically, both of them want to take that next step but are worried about messing it up. And they each assume that the other has more experience

They each independent turn to Buffy with their concerns about the situation, making her promise not to tell the other person about what they’ve said. These conversations happen more and more frequently.

Buffy kinda wants to lay into them both for being awkward lovesick idiots, but she manages to stay supportive and encouraging. She finally motivates Cyrus enough to make a move and yells “fuckin FINALLY” when it finally happens.

From there on, TJ and Cyrus give each other lil smooches all the time and are absolutely one of those grossly sweet PDA couples. Buffy teases them and pretends like she regrets helping them get to this point, but in actuality she is really happy that two of her best friends are so happy and in love with each other.

Bonus doodle:

[queer-as-in-slightly-odd]

My contribution to @swingsetboys' gift exchange, for @caitlinesmewilliams !

It shows some of the events of S1E9-10 from Nini's point of view, including her reconciliation with Ricky.

[lgbtyrus]

this storm knocked out our wifi but I can finally post this! thank you @swingsetboys for organizing this!

happy valentines day Kate @homosexualearthworm!!! I was super excited when I saw that I got you because you’re one of the coolest people on this website! Writing this for you was fun even if I couldn’t figure out a plot to save my life. 

So have some large amounts of Tyrus, extremely bitter tarty exes, some angst, and sprinkles of bandi all set in an AU where they’re around 25ish, TJ is a librarian, and they live in a city.

Words: 4,526 

Pressed Flames

Putting in his bookmark that was just really a polaroid of him and his ex-boyfriend, TJ closed the book he was reading and looked up to see who the front bell had made noise for. The library in their city was barely busy, but there was always the soft vibration of whispers and the smell of pages that made it feel like a money-making lucid dream.

The man entering smiled at him before walking off again into the history book section for the third time that month. If he did the same thing he did last time, TJ was going to have to look up their library’s policy for checking out books. The main librarian was out for the month, and he had no way to contact her over “a man who checks out 15 books a week.” If the weekly limit wasn’t 15, TJ was sure he’d take more of them.

TJ surveyed the library. Two twin girls that were in middle school were sitting on the red bean bags by the teen lit section, an old couple were looking through history archives, and a mom and her two little kids were looking around. TJ smiled at the little kids who were on their best behavior, looking over at TJ in fear every time they said a word too loud. TJ would wave them off with a smile, and they’d go back to trailing behind their mom like little duckling.

The people in the library that day made TJ miss his hometown where his twin sister and mom were. The man who had a thing for checking out a million books a week, had a cute smile that reminded him of ex-boyfriend while still managing to trap TJ in a bubble that said, “Look at me only.”

TJ went back to his book, waiting for anyone to go up to him. Managing a library alone with a coworker here and there was surprisingly easy, so his freaking out about the main librarian leaving him alone for a month was in vain.

“Hey,” the man placed a stack of thick history books on the counter, startling an unsuspecting TJ to the point that his polaroid fell down to his feet.

“Hey,” TJ looking down at the floor, his ex’s smile taking over the photo before looking up at the man who was giving him the same smile.

“I’ll be back with more,” the man took a deep breath, placing his library card on the counter before walking away again.

“O-okay,” TJ nodded, the man already not being able to hear him. TJ bent down to pick up the polaroid and stuck it back into his book. He picked up the library card and for the first time, looking at the name.

Cyrus Goodman

He’d remember that. He started checking out the books, placing them in a neat pile before Cyrus came back with the rest to complete the 15. Cyrus quietly waited there, not saying a word to TJ like always. TJ felt like asking him what he was doing with so many textbook-like novels. None of them were even from the same era, but by the time he was done checking out the books, he still didn’t know how to ask a question.

TJ handed back the library card and told him, “Here ya’ go. Have a nice day.”

“Thank you,” Cyrus smiled, his eyes moving to the name tag pinned on his shirt, “TJ.”

“No problem,” TJ said, watching Cyrus take the large tower of books outside the library door. He turned over to look at the twin girls who were giggling, sinister smiles that reminded him of his twins glowing from across the room. They had been watching whatever spectacle that was the whole time. He simply rolled his eyes and went back to reading, the smallest of smiles resting on his lips.

-

Cyrus closed the passenger car door, leaning back in the seat as Buffy turned on the car.

“Did you talk to him?” she asked him.

“I just got his name,” Cyrus frowned, clicking his seatbelt. “I even purposely made two trips and left my library card with him, so he’d have a chance to look at my name.”

“Did he?”

“I don’t think so,” Cyrus sighed, leaning his cheek on the car seat, looking out the window to the old brick building, shadowed by the new complexes in the city. “You’d think that he’d ask me by now why I need all these books.”

“You’d the think the library would’ve called the cops on you by now,” Buffy laughed, pulling out of the parking space she technically wasn’t supposed to be in. “You officially have 45 books.”

Cyrus turned to look at one of his best friends, “Hey, I’m only doing this for you and Andi. Usually, I wouldn’t care if the library thought I was a weirdo checking out all these books at the same time, but you happen to want to start Operation Propose to Andi at the same time there’s a cute new librarian.”

“Gertrude Millers isn’t there anymore?” Buffy asked him.

“I haven’t seen her, but her photo is still up,” Cyrus said. “She’s probably just taking time off.”

“I should go in and try to check books out, too,” Buffy joked. “I doubt your librarian lover has seen the list of people who are banned.”

“First off, his name is TJ,” Cyrus told her, his nose burning red, “second of all-,”

“TJ Maxx?”

“Buffy,” Cyrus whined, making her giggle, “second of all, you’re going to have to do that without me. I’m not trying to get arrested for sneaking in a felon into the library.”

“You accidentally burn a section of the library and suddenly you’re a criminal,” Buffy smirked. “That happened like, 10 years ago.”

“9 years ago,” Cyrus corrected her, “but Gertrude has impeccable memory.”

“She’s going to outlive me and personally spit on my grave before they burry me,” Buffy joked, “you can count on it.”

“How did Andi fall in love with you again?”

“I’m really funny,” Buffy smirked. “Also, pretty romantic. Who else would’ve come up with this idea of pressed flowers?”

“Me,” Cyrus said, “only I’m never going to get married, so you can claim the idea as 100% yours.”

“I guess you did contribute,” Buffy smiled. “Anyways, who knows, that TJ guy could be your soulmate.”

“You’re only so optimistic because you already found yours.”

“Damn right I did.”

-

It was Friday again, and TJ was waiting for Cyrus to walk through the doors again.

He was reading a different book now, same bookmark. His twin sister would be heavily disappointed if she knew he still had that photo. He had burned everything from his ex with her before he moved out into the city to start going to school again. The polaroid was in a book he had left half read, and he didn’t discover it until he started unpacking. Amber had done most of the work when burning the things the first (and second, third, and fourth) time, and he couldn’t bring himself to throw it away. If Amber hadn’t blocked Marty for him on all of his social media accounts, blocked his number, and deleted his phone number that she knew he’d never remember again, TJ was really sure of the fact that he would’ve sent him a photo of the polaroid saying, “Look what I found :-),” on Snapchat.

TJ fumbled with the polaroid between his thumb and index finger as he read, blurring out the people in the library. One of his coworkers was walking around, fixing things on shelves, so he exactly set on people watching that day. He was just watching out for one person.

Then Cyrus came in, and gave TJ a wave, making his heart race in his chest. He felt like his leather jacket was rising up and setting down with every pound of his heart. TJ gave him a smile and quickly moved his eyes back down to his book as Cyrus disappeared into the science section of the library. He had already cleared out the big books from the history section, and TJ knew that his coworker was going to watch this average height man somehow carry a large stack of books in one trip.

After 20 minutes or so, there was a pile on the desk, and Cyrus’ voice asking, “Who are you reading?”

“Michael Nava,” TJ answered stiffly, setting his book open on the counter. “Can I see your library card?”

“Yeah,” Cyrus said slowly, carefully eyeing the open book as he took out his wallet from his jean pocket. He handed it to him, and TJ quickly began scanning the books.

“You like his Henry Rios stories I’m assuming,” Cyrus asked him, trying to make conversation.

“Did you sneak in an extra book?” TJ asked him, a smirk on his face.

“What?” Cyring furrowed a brow. “Why makes you think that I’m a criminal?”

“I mean,” TJ laughed, “you come in here every week and check out 15 big books, and you never make conversation. Luckily for me, the computer tells me when you’ve hit 15, so I don’t have to count.”

“I’m honestly just trying to make conversation with you,” Cyrus defended himself, a cheeky smile on his face. “Checking out all of these books is a long process.”

“Tell me about it,” TJ smiled, typing away on the computer. “But if you wanted to get extra books, I could override the system for you and get you an extra 10.” He had read the library guidelines. They were ancient and there was no limit to how many books Cyrus could have in total. Just fifteen a week with exceptions to scholars. Gertrude didn’t have to know.

“Maybe next week,” Cyrus said, getting his library card back, once again eyeing the open book. “I don’t think I can fit them all in my friend’s car.”

“See you next week then?” TJ asked.

Cyrus nodded and picked up the tall pile of books, “Next week.”

-

“He’s gay,” Cyrus said as he shut the door to Buffy’s car for the fourth time that month.

“Did he tell you?” Buffy raised a brow as she started the car again.

“He was reading a Michael Nava novel.”

“King.”

“Not only that,” Cyrus sighed, leaning his head back, “he had a polaroid of his boyfriend as a bookmark. I can’t even get mad,” Cyrus groaned. “That’s super cute.”

“I want to see how he looks like,” Buffy said as she pulled out of the parking lot, Cyrus hurrying to put his seatbelt on.

“He’s cute,” Cyrus sighed, “like, really cute.”

“So I’ve heard,” Buffy laughed.

“He said he could get me an extra 10 books if I needed them.”

“So, he flirted with you?” Buffy raised her eyebrows.

“I hope not,” Cyrus said.

“Yeah you do.”              

“Buffy, please,” Cyrus turned to look at her, a frown set, “that would be really unethical and inappropriate considering he has a boyfriend.”

“Give him your number.”

“Stop it!”

“Ask him if that’s his boyfriend.”

“Buffy!”

-

TJ tapped his fingers on the counter impatiently. All he does is look forward to Friday’s now simply because Cyrus would go in to check out a ridiculous amount of books. He didn’t even know how he was going to return them all one day. He still didn’t know what they were for and as he rolled on his twin-sized mattress in his studio late at night, he fought over the idea of asking him.

Even if Cyrus wasn’t gay either, it would be nice to make some friend. He had made a few acquaintances in his classes, but a lot of the people were four or more years younger than him which made him feel a standoffish. He cursed Marty for making him want to move so far away from everything he loved- for holding him back.

“Hey, TJ,” Cyrus walked in, a big Ross bag at his side. “I’m going to take up the offer for the extra 10 books,” he said and disappeared right into the science section again. TJ felt like every time he blinked, he missed him. He looked around the rest of the library at that moment. The same twin girls were watching him carefully and there was a couple of high school boys looking through movie archives in the back. They had all taken a liking to TJ and always liked to fill him in with cheesy high school drama that reminded TJ a lot of his hometown. City kids were strange, too, he guessed.

Cyrus came by with the first few books and set his library card on the desk, “No book today?”

“My eyes and head have been hurting, so I’m waiting on my glasses to come in,” TJ admitted, scratching the back of his head with one hand as he reached over for the card.

“I have never seen you with glasses,” Cyrus commented, a smile on his face.

“Exactly why eyes and head have been hurting,” TJ laughed it off, starting to check out the first book. Cyrus simply let out a small chuckle before going back to retrieve more books.

He came back and set the remaining amount on the desk, TJ typing away on the computer, “This is last time bothering you with all these check outs.”

TJ stopped typing for a split second before continuing, gulping as he asked, “Why is that?”

“I have enough books,” Cyrus told him. “Finally.”

“I’ve never asked you,” TJ tried to sound as casual as he could, “why have you been checking out all these books?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Cyrus grinned, making TJ smile a little. “My best friend is proposing to our other best friend, and we all like pressing flowers here and there to sell phone cases and necklaces and stuff, so she’s going to fill this room full of pressed flowers and write ‘marry me’ out of them.”

“She?”

“They’re gay,” Cyrus shrugged.

“Ah,” TJ nodded and somehow let the words slip out of his mouth, “same.”

Cyrus gave him a grin and asked him, “The guy in the polaroid. Is that your boyfriend?”

TJ’s eyes went wide open and he shook his head as quickly as he could, “Nope. Never.”

“Oh,” Cyrus shifted a little where he was standing.

“Anyways,” TJ did a fake yawn, “when is she proposing?”

“Valentine’s Day.”

“That’s in two months,” TJ said as he eyed the calendar in the corner.

“We know. We have to be extra prepared.”

“Also, did you really need this many books?” TJ asked him.

“Well I mostly listen to audio books, and my friend Buffy can’t take her and her future fiancée’s library down without her noticing. Obviously, we turned here,” Cyrus said. “Also, we’re going to need a lot and a lot of flowers.”

“Well,” TJ handed him back his library card. “Good luck.”

“Thank you,” Cyrus smiled at him. “Also,” Cyrus said as he started putting the books carefully in the bag, “I’ve been meaning to ask if you’re from around here?”

“I am not,” TJ shook his head. “I’m from a small town called Shadyside.”

“How’d a farm town kid end up in Oak City?” Cyrus asked him.

“School,” TJ said. “I’ve been putting it off for a while, and I finally decided to come to Heartland U.”

“Go pirates,” Cyrus smiled. “What’s your major?”

“Child development.”

“Nice,” Cyrus smiled. “If you want, I can give you my number, and we can hang out if you ever get lonely.” TJ couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He stood still for half a second before jumping back into reality.

“Uh, yeah,” he nodded, looking around the desk for a sticky note and pen. “That’d be great.” He handed them to Cyrus who wrote down his number for him.

“Here you go,” Cyrus slid it back over to him. “See you later, TJ.”

“Bye, Cyrus,” he nodded softly at the other man. When Cyrus was out the door, TJ’s eyes immediately went to the source of background giggling. The twins were smiling, and he couldn’t help but smile back at them.

He took out his book from under the counter and without hesitation, threw Marty’s polaroid in the trash to replace is with Cyrus’ number.

-

They had been texting back and forth for a week, and TJ hadn’t felt so warm in such a long time. He finally got the motivation to build the frame for his bed and decorate his kitchen with random things from Marshall’s that Amber had bought him. It was a nice feeling to go home to study and sleep in a place that felt a little homier. Cyrus was planning on organizing a hangout soon so he could meet the rest of his friends.

Then a Tuesday night, at 2AM, TJ got a phone call. It was an unsaved number but seeing as he was still half asleep and his eyes couldn’t translate the numbers to his brain, he answered.

“Hello?” TJ yawned.

“TJ,” someone frantically said on the other line, “please don’t hang up! Please listen to me.”

“Marty?” TJ’s heart dropped, this time to his stomach, and it instead of butterflies, it created one of the most nauseating feelings he had felt in a very long time.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Marty choked, sounding as if he was about to cry. “TJ, I’m so sorry. God, I’m so sorry.” TJ felt like he was in a state of déjà vu. He had heard this before. He had heard this same sob story over four times.

“He’s going to keep using the same lines because they always work,” Amber told him as she burned the first love letters Marty gave him in a camp fire. “That’s why the next time you hear them, you have to stop listening, TJ. He doesn’t love you. He just needs you.”

“Marty,” TJ sat up in his bed, looking out at the window. It was pitch black and not even the moon could offer comfort as it hid away in the darkness of the city. “Save it.”

“T-,”

“Don’t you get tired, Marty?” TJ asked him, a deep frown on his face as the conversation aged him. “I did. We didn’t work out, Marty. It’s been taking me so long to get over you, and I think I finally am. Please just leave me alone.”

“8 years, TJ,” Marty reminded him, sobbing on the other line.

“We broke up 10 months ago, Marty,” TJ ran his hair through his fingers, pulling on the top of his scalp. “If you really love me, Marty,” TJ sighed, letting his hair go, “never call me again.”

TJ hung up the phone and laid back down, immediately rushing his hands to press on his eyes, trying to stop himself from crying over him again. He had a good four-month streak of not crying, but he guessed it’d be a good time to break it. He turned over on his stomach as his phone continued to ring, and he screamed into his pillow over and over, muffling out the sound as much as possible as he let the phone ring. He wished he could’ve recognized at least the area code number. He would’ve known. He knows he wouldn’t have answered.

The ringing stopped after who knows how long, and TJ didn’t even remember falling asleep. But when he finally felt a brief moment of peace, it got shattered as his phone started ringing again. Furiously, he sat up and answered the phone in a very brief and fuzzy moment.

“Can you stop fucking calling me before I block you for good?” TJ yelled at the other line. His chest was icy from how exhausted he felt, and he could feel the wetness brim the corner of his eyes.

“TJ?” Cyrus answered. TJ’s eyes landed on the rising sun outside the window, the pink skies decorating Oak City as he realized his mistake.

“Oh god, Cyrus, I’m so sorry,” TJ muttered, trying to remember how to form coherent sentences.

“No, I’m sorry,” Cyrus said, “it’s like, 5 in the morning and I woke you up.”

“Wait, what’s wrong?” TJ asked him, trying to shove all his memories of Marty to the back of his mind. Her wished Amber could’ve set those on fire, too.

“I was going to ask you for a huge favor, but I don’t think this is the time.”

“My ex called me at 2 in the morning, and it upset me,” TJ told him bluntly. “It’s nothing life changing. What can I do for you?”

-

“So, you’re TJ?” Buffy shook his hand as Cyrus finished setting down the last few books in his studio.

“The one and only,” TJ smiled, shaking her hand back.

“Look, I know we’re just strangers, but I really appreciate this a whole lot,” Buffy told him. “Andi has almost seen these books about twelve times, and our other option bailed on us.”

“Yeah, I don’t mind,” TJ told her, looking at the piles of books set neatly against the wall. “I like the old page smell.”

“You’re a real life saver,” Cyrus said to him, grinning widely. TJ felt his cheeks grow rosy and from the corner of his eyes, he knows Buffy smirked.

“I’m just hoping this gets me an invitation to the wedding, honestly,” TJ joked.

“Oh, you’re definitely coming,” Buffy smiled before checking her watch. “Cyrus I gotta get to work soon. We better leave now, so I can drop you off.”

“I’ll take a taxi,” Cyrus told her. “You’re already late, I know it.” Buffy smiled and said her goodbyes before rushing out the door and closing it behind her.

“I can take you,” TJ offered.

Cyrus turned to look at him and said, “No, it’s alright. You’ve already done so much. You should really go back to sleep.”

“I’m not going back to sleep after all that happened in this span of four hours,” TJ chuckled. “I’m wide awake for my 8AM. Let me take you,” he insisted.

“Fine,” Cyrus smiled.

“Coffee first?”

“Please.”

-

“So how long were you and your ex together?” Cyrus asked him as he sat across from him, stirring his coffee.

“8 years,” TJ said, staring down into his own drink. He looked up when he heard Cyrus gasp. “On and off, though. Like, a lot. Maybe there’s like two years’ worth of months that we were fighting somewhere in there. I’m over it. I’m way over it.”

“Is that why you came here to Oak City?” Cyrus asked him. “To get away?”

“Yeah,” TJ nodded. “I wasn’t doing anything back home besides small work here and there. Nothing important. Now here I am, helping secure a future gay wedding. My mom would be so proud of me.”

Cyrus laughed, “I bet. Buffy really appreciated that you’re keeping the books. Like, a lot. We tried both my place and another friend’s place but living in the same complex gets tricky.”

“I bet,” TJ smiled. “If her proposal is like this, I can’t wait to see the wedding.”

“Me, either.”

-

Cyrus knocked on TJ’s studio door on the night of February 14th, asking, “Hey, TJ? Are you home?” Cyrus didn’t bother calling before going over anymore. He knew TJ’s schedule by memory and showed up whenever he wanted, sometimes with Buffy and Andi (who didn’t question who a librarian had so many books), sometimes with more people, sometimes alone. They immediately adopted TJ into their friend group, and TJ felt like Oak City was his home now. Cyrus made everything better with his smile and intuitive knack for comedy. He definitely had a crush on him, and he didn’t know what to do with himself sometimes.

“Coming,” TJ rushed to open the door. He flashed a smile at the shorter man a smile and said, “Hey, Cy, come in.” Cyrus walked in and hastily handed TJ over a book and box of chocolates tied together with a ribbon.

“Happy Valentine’s day,” Cyrus said, TJ looking wide eyed at the blushing man.

“Cyrus,” TJ whispered setting down his present on the kitchen counter, “thank you.”

“I’m sorry if you think it’s weird,” Cyrus started apologizing, “I can totally take it back and pretend it never happened.” Without saying anything, TJ walked up to Cyrus and hugged him, wrapping both of his arms right around him. Cyrus stood still for a moment before hugging him back.

“Happy Valentine’s day,” TJ whispered. “You’ve done so much for me, honestly.”

Cyrus pulled away slightly and looked up at TJ, a smile on his face, “I’m really glad we chose to go to Little Red’s Library.”

“Why?” TJ gazed down at him, his eyes studying his features for the millionth time since they became friends. He’s never had him this close up, and he was sure Cyrus could heard his happy heart beat at that proximity.

“Because,” Cyrus smiled, making TJ’s breath hitch slightly, “I got to meet my favorite librarian.”

“I really want to kiss you right now,” TJ caught himself blurting out.

“Then do it,” Cyrus told him. TJ gave him a small grin before bending down to kiss Cyrus, moving one hand up to cup his face.

“Wow,” TJ whispered, placing another firm kiss on his lips, “I’m so glad I moved here.” Before Cyrus could kiss him again, his phone started ringing, and he frantically pulled away.

“Oh man, it’s Buffy,” Cyrus started jumping around excitedly. She had been in the process of proposing for the last few hours. TJ, Cyrus, and her worked on the proposal project for eight hours straight one weekend.

“Answer it!” TJ urged him. Cyrus answered the Facetime call and when they showed up, all they saw was Andi’s hand and a ring.

“I did it!” you could hear Buffy on the other line.

“Congratulations!” TJ told them, waving behind Cyrus.

“I feel like I’ve been waiting for this moment for almost two decades,” Cyrus smiled, putting his hand over his heart, “I’m so happy for you two.”

“Thank you, Cyrus,” Buffy smiled, turning the camera to them.

“I can’t believe you all managed to keep this from me,” Andi laughed.

“Team work makes the dream work,” Cyrus winked. “Let me know when you guys start planning!”

“Probably next month,” Buffy shrugged, “I don’t know. What are you guys up to.” Both Cyrus and TJ instinctively bit their lip and Buffy raised a brow, smirking at Cyrus as TJ walked away from the camera’s view. “I think I got it. Happy Valentine’s day you two.”

“Happy Valentine’s day,” Cyrus smiled before hanging up. He put his phone away and looked over at TJ who was looking at the new Michael Nava book he had bought him. “Do you like it?”

“Yeah,” TJ nodded before walking over to him, and carefully pulling him in, “but I think I like you a lot more.”

“I know I like you a lot more,” Cyrus smiled before standing up on his tippy toes to kiss him once more.

[boreoz]

@evaeselgreatests surprise! I'm your secret santa🤠❄

Eva srly you're such an amazing person and you deserve all the love in the world.

Hope you like your gift💗

@swingsetboys

[kasuca]

@chlorinatedccow I’M YOUR SECRET SANTA!!! 

I really enjoyed drawing bexie! I hope you like it!

[tatertotbaddie]

HEY HEY @tyguygoodman happy Valentine’s Day, here’s your lovely gift I made 🎁 I had a lot of fun making it even though I had to redraw it 5 times, so I really hope you like it 💘✨

[runningonmarvel]

be my valentine ch. 2

@you-get-to-exhale-now-cyrus second chapter of the Valentine’s Day exchange fic!!

A/N: takes place the two weeks before Valentine’s Day in their junior year. wonah. bandi. tyrus. a few curses. unedited but enjoy!!

Chapter 2: Hey, My Love

You've walked out a hundred times 

How was I supposed to know this time 

Jonah has been to seven concerts in high school, and the only one he really cared about was Harry Styles with Andi freshman year. Last year, during a period of time when he and Andi were actually getting along well, Andi had come to him begging him to accompany her to the King Princess concert. By the time the concert arrived, though, they were “taking a break” again, and Andi took Amber instead. 

Jonah had gotten attached, though, to one song from her: Talia. That was the song stuck in his head while he strummed the guitar on Tuesday afternoon in the Red Rooster. It reminded him of the disaster of his relationship with Andi, but it made him think, more than that, of the new feelings he had.

“Earth to Jonah?” He snapped his neck up, bent over the guitar, and adjusted his fingers in the frets. Bowie was staring across at him, suspicious of his lack of focus.

“Ah, sorry. I’ll try again,” Jonah says, trying to shake the prior thoughts out of his head. He aligns his fingers for the first chord and goes to play, but Bowie shakes his head.

“No, let’s finish for today. You’ve worked hard, and I figure you need a break.”

Jonah nods and puts the guitar up on the stand. A text from his mom tells him that she won’t be there for another half an hour, so Jonah goes to browse through the records. A early memory of a time with Andi flickers in his mind, but he shuts it out. Every place in Shadyside, every school hall and bike path and storefront, has some memory of Andi and him. It’s impossible.

As he drums his fingers over the stacks of records, Jonah allows the new feeling to wash over his mind. A crush, a crush, a crush, is the heartbeat in his head. He feels guilty, even though he and Andi have been permanently apart for four months. Is he allowed to like someone else? After a relationship that lasted nearly four years, on and off?

And what makes it worse is who the person is. Because in a cruel twist of fate, the universe blessed him with feelings for the one person in the world Andi might be truly hurt to see him with.

Freaking Walker Brodsky. 

Walker.

Walker!

The one Andi went on a couple dates with. The one Andi left so she could be completely with Jonah. The one Jonah hung out sporadically over the years until Andi and Buffy basically wrote him out of their friend group. The one Jonah in the past couple months has been hanging out with and texting. The one he now has an unfortunate, overwhelming, obvious crush on. 

Jonah picks up a record and squints at it: a love song. Great. 

“Hey Jonah, do you need a ride home?” Bowie steps into his line of vision and smiles at him. 

“No, thank you my mom’s coming, I’m just going to look at the records for a bit. Maybe shop.”

Bowie nods and returns to the register where he empties the tip jar slowly. It occurs to Jonah suddenly that Bowie has never once acted strange since Andi and Jonah’s final breakup. He’s been the same eclectic, guitar-teaching Bowie the whole time, which is odd. Jonah knows the Macks to be a family where emotions run high.

He walks to the pick shelf, where several higher-end designs stick out to him. His mom would probably say it’s stupid to spend money on a better-looking plastic triangle; but then again, his mom would say a lot of things are stupid. Like Jonah being upset over Andi. Like Jonah having a crush on a boy. 

He glances down at his phone: no new messages from his mom. So he picks out the best-looking pick from the shelf—nine dollars for the unique design—and takes it to the register. Bowie looks up as he places a crumpled twenty on the counter and pushes both items towards him.

“Splurging for a new pick?” Bowie asks, ringing it up.

“Seems worth it.” Bowie wraps the pick and hands him his change, then considers him for a moment.

“Jonah, would you… would you ever be interested in working here?”

Silence engulfs the store for a moment as Jonah processes that. 

“Working here? As in… ringing up customers, organizing records, polishing guitars?” Already, Jonah has an answer in his head: yes. He needs a job if he’s ever going to be able to get out from under his mom’s harsh influence. And he loves the guitar shop because it makes him feel safer than most other places. Andi’s apartment and room used to be his safe space, when they were on good terms. But not anymore.

“Yes, exactly. I mean, you’re almost 17, right. A job would be nice, and we have lots of room for a spot.” Bowie leans back against the wall. “Plus you’d get to clean and fix guitars all day while listening to music. Good music.”

“Thank you! I—I’ll ask my mom about it tonight, and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” Jonah doesn’t know how he’ll broach the subject with his mother, not without her yelling at him about irresponsibility and disappointment. He takes the packaged pick and slips it in his pocket with the change. A job would be so nice, and it would mean he could escape the house more often. Stay out late after work and hang out with Walker. Avoid his mom.

Jonah hates that that’s the thought in his head, but it is. 

He sits back down on the lesson couch and is about to pick up a music magazine when Bowie sits down across from him. “Jonah, I’ve been meaning to ask. How are things going with you and Andi?”

Jonah stares. He stares, and then he swallows down an outburst. “Bowie, we—we broke up four months ago.” Jonah doesn’t know if Andi didn’t tell Bowie or if Bowie simply forgot, but the shock on his face suggests the former.

“You broke up?” “Yes, sir. We were off and on for a long time and finally she—we both decided it was time to put a final end to it. We’ve always been better off as friends but afraid to acknowledge it,” Jonah says carefully. He fiddles with the pick in his pocket, twisting it over and back four times.

“Jonah, I had no idea,” Bowie says. “Andi, she—“ he cuts off, stands up, and walks to the register. Jonah can see his mind processing as he blinks several times with his whole face and messes with the cash register drawer. 

“Didn’t tell you?” Jonah asks softly, then regrets it. No response from Bowie, who looks like a lost puppy. Jonah starts to feel bad that he’s been left out from this crucial piece of Andi’s life, because Bex surely knows about it. That’s why Jonah has been avoiding Cloud 10 for months: fear of Bex and Cece.

It occurs to Jonah now that Bowie may be angry with him. May not want to give lessons to his daughter’s very permanent ex. May not want to give him a job. That last one is the killer; if Andi loses him this job then her curse on his life in Shadyside will be complete.

“Why did you break up, exactly?” Bowie asks, once he’s regained a bit of composure. Jonah nods, and then tries to explain.

“Andi and I have always been close friends, and while we were dating bad things usually happened because of our feelings for each other. We created drama or hurt ourselves somehow. It wasn’t meant to be, or at least it wasn’t meant to be romantic. We just didn’t work out.” Jonah finishes, feeling like he’s explained it well. He doesn’t add in the part about Andi being distant the last six months of their relationship, and he definitely leaves out the part about Jonah realizing his own bisexuality and dual attraction to boys as he was dating Andi.

Instead of responding, Bowie just nods. And he keeps nodding, obviously upset, until Jonah’s mom arrives in her truck and honks the horn several time. He waves goodbye, but gets nothing in return from the Bowie lost in his thoughts. Before Jonah leaves, though, he walks through the record section one more time and returns back to the section where he found the love song earlier. He searches through the old love songs until he finds Be My Baby by the Ronettes. Dragging his fingers over the rough record slip, Jonah thinks about the various songs he’s written about Andi over the years. The first one was here, on the stage over to the right, back in simpler days.

Jonah slides the record back into the stacks and walks towards the door. It’s time to let past things end; he can’t keep being haunted by the memory of Andi. His feelings have already moved on, leaving only guilt and the finality of breakup behind. How is he supposed to fall for someone else when this entire town used to belong to him and Andi? Still, as he exits the Red Rooster, an idea starts to form in his head. 

An idea that would show his crush and himself that he was over Andi. An idea that would say, with no regrets: I like you, Walker Brodsky. No one else.

That you wouldn't call

That you wouldn't come home

————

On Wednesday morning, Cyrus is tired and already over the week. He was up late last night talking to TJ, then realized he’d forgotten to do his Bio homework. So after scrawling down some answers about mitosis and phases, Cyrus had fallen into a fitful sleep which hadn’t lasted over six hours.

Andi and Buffy are nowhere to be found before homeroom, so Cyrus goes to his locker alone. TJ has math tutoring on Wednesday mornings, so he won’t miss basketball practice in the afternoons, and he usually arrives just in time for homeroom. Meaning Cyrus is alone. He could look for Jonah, but Jonah has been disappearing in the mornings as of late. 

When he arrives at his locker, though, Cyrus stops and blinks twice. Tied between the holes in the blue metal and dangling against the locker is a pair of bright green roller skates.

Roller skates?

Cyrus looks around, thinking maybe someone conveniently dropped their roller derby or Wednesday night skate shoes on his locker. But it’s early, and the hallways are mostly empty. So Cyrus approaches the shoes carefully, lifting one up to inspect it.

Not only are they bright green, his favorite color, but there are tiny dinosaur stickers stuck all across the plastic shoe. He gives the wheels a loose spin, determining that they’re aesthetically pleasing but not necessarily the most supportive nor safe pair of skates. Still, Cyrus stares down at them. They’re clearly for him, but who would leave him roller skates? Andi and Buffy?

“Hello?” Cyrus calls down the hall, just in case anyone left them and tried to run away. Iris looks up and waves at him from where she was gazing at her phone intensely. He nods at her, distracted; it couldn’t have been Iris. They barely speak except in history class, and somehow Iris has become better friends with Andi than Cyrus.

When no one else responds, Cyrus looks back down at the roller skates. Several memories flash in his mind, of skating with the Good Hair Crew when they were younger, of learning to actually skate with TJ, of Andi’s roller-skating birthday a few years ago. Cyrus knows how to skate—right? And if the skates are here, then he should probably wear them—right? Feeling slightly like an idiot, Cyrus unties the skates from his locker and slides his feet into the left, and then the right. He holds onto the locker as he tries not to slip. The hallway is completely empty now; Iris has run off somewhere. So Cyrus gets his balance while gripping the locker, inhales slowly, and remembers when TJ taught him to skate. 

Distribute your weight evenly over the sole so you won’t fall over immediately. Use the brake if you need it, but you need it way less than you think you do. Skate in strides, like walking. Focus, and keep breathing. Your instincts will kick in.

Cyrus focuses, and he steps away from the locker. Stride left, stride right. And then the instincts take over, just like TJ told him they would. Cyrus is flying over the linoleum tiles, and he catches his breath. He can do this. He can do this. He can—

As the wheel catches on a stray book left in the hallway, another memory comes back to Cyrus: Jonah Beck trying to teach him to skateboard.

Cyrus feels his legs flailing beneath him as the wheels slide backwards. His knees hit the floor in a second. The ground has nearly reached his face when he feels an arm around his stomach stop the fall, pull him backwards, and leave him standing straight up.

“Cyrus?” He relaxes, realizing who it is.

“TJ!” Cyrus tries to spin in a circle, but he nearly slips again. TJ puts one steady arm around his waist and the other on his arm so he won’t fall. “Thanks for catching me,” Cyrus says sheepishly.

“I’m always there to catch you, Cy—but what’s with the roller skates? Joining roller derby?” TJ looks genuinely confused, his eyebrows drawn together in concern and his lips slightly pursed.

“Um. I don’t know who left them, but they were there. So yeah, I decided to try them out,” Cyrus says, which sounds like a bad explanation but is the truth.

“Okay, well, are you going to skate to homeroom now?” TJ asks, adjusting his math books under his arm.

“Oh, absolutely not,” Cyrus says. Over TJ’s shoulder he sees Buffy walking down the hallway, without Andi or Jonah. He waves, and she waves back, eyebrows raised at the skates. He leans forward, and feels his knees protest. “Nope, that’s not gonna work. I think I’ve broken my knees.”

Concerned, TJ glances at Cyrus’s legs. “Aw, Cy, you’ve got bruises all over. You’ve got to go the nurse.”

“I’ll take him!” Buffy chirps, reaching out to take Cyrus’s hand.

TJ stops her for a moment, pulls Cyrus back into a kiss, and then pushes him into Buffy’s arms. “Take good care of him, Driscoll.”

Buffy rolls her eyes. “I always do.” She takes Cyrus by the arm, positions him in front of her, and holds tight to his arms. “Let’s go, Goodman.”

Cyrus giggles, then shuts his mouth. “Did you leave these? Did Andi?”

Buffy shakes her head, and Cyrus considers that. She could be pretending, but both she and TJ had seemed genuinely shocked by the appearance of electric green roller skates on his feet. Strange.

Buffy manages to push him all the way to the nurse, then runs off to homeroom once he’s situated soundly in a waiting chair. After unlacing the skates and tying together the laces, Cyrus places them in his lap and settles back into the chair. His knees are bruised and aching as he waits, but he’s still warm inside from TJ’s kiss.

Suddenly, Cyrus hears someone slide into the seat next to him. He looks up to see Walker, who he hasn’t seen in months.

“Cyrus, hey,” Walker says. He rubs the back of his neck, and his eyes look tired. Cyrus waits, but Walker remains on the edge of his seat, meaning he’s here with a purpose. “Listen, I have a strange question.”

“Okay…” Cyrus says, running one hand over the plastic surface of the skates. “First—how are you? We haven’t talked in a while.” Walker nods. “Busy. I’ve got a big studio project due next Friday, and I want it to be part of my portfolio. How’s everyone?”

Swallowing Cyrus tugs on the laces of the skates. He knows that when Buffy ended things with Walker, he basically lost his main friend group. Walker and Amber seem to hang out a lot, but Amber almost never mentions him. There’s Natalie and Archie in Walker’s studio class, who Cyrus thinks he’s friends with. But he doesn’t know how Walker’s doing, not really.

“They’re fine. The usual.” “Yeah. Um, the question is—it’s—“ Walker stops himself, and Cyrus can hear the nervous beat of his foot against the tile. “Do you know if Jonah likes boys?”

Cyrus closes a hand around the knot on the laces. He’s suddenly aware of the heartbeat in his chest—did Walker just come out to him? No. But still—

“I’m not sure. He’s never said he has, you know—“ “Yeah, okay,” Walker says, and Cyrus hears the hitch in his breath as he gets to his feet.

“Walker, wait. He hasn’t said it, but neither had TJ the whole time I knew him. I thought he was the most heterosexual boy on the planet until he randomly came out to me. The point is—we don’t know,” Cyrus says, almost all in one breath.

Walker is silent.

“And,” Cyrus says, “Jonah is one of the most accepting people I know. He’ll be completely chill about it, I promise.”

“Okay.” Walker looks worried, and Cyrus remembers a similar feeling a year and a half ago when he was worrying if TJ would stop being friends with him if Cyrus admitted his crush. The anxiety had been real and consuming; every time Cyrus was with TJ, there was a voice in his head screaming: YOU HAVE A CRUSH YOU HAVE A CRUSH YOU HAVE A CRUSH. Cyrus understands.

“I didn’t know you and Jonah were friends,” Cyrus says carefully. Walker nods slowly.

“We have been for a couple months. We’ve known each other since… you know.”

Since Andi introduced us and then chose Jonah over me. That would be the implied instance.

It occurs to Cyrus that Walker liking Jonah of all people is quite ironic. But he doesn’t say that; he would be a hypocrite, anyway. He was the one dating for TJ Kippen, the boy his best friend used to hate.

“Listen, Walker. I think you should ask him to the dance. See how it goes. Jonah’s kind, and he’d be lucky to have you.”

Walker inhales sharply, and then he nods. Good luck, Cyrus thinks, but he doesn’t say it. Walker Brodsky has always been an enigma, and feelings for Jonah Beck are just another thing to add to the pile. Cyrus has had his suspicions about Jonah possibly liking not only girls, and now, it seems, they’ll all find out.

As Walker stands and walks away, Cyrus thanks his lucky stars that his crush on Jonah Beck went away—it’s kind of boring liking the boy everyone else does, isn’t it?

He gives the green roller skates one last once-over before rising to his battered knees and stumbling into the nurse’s office.

————

A cold wind knocks at Buffy’s window, and she glances out into the darkness. Math homework waits unfinished on her desk, but Buffy is sitting on her bed, legs swinging and mind racing. She plays back a series of moments in her head: the encounter with the Valentine’s Day banner, Cyrus’s text asking for help with TJ, Andi’s purposeful avoidance of her in the mornings and after school.

The wind blows harder, and Buffy grits her teeth. A note from her mom flutters where it is pinned to the bulletin board: a scrawl she left on top of a soup can for Buffy to find a few days after she left. The note reads: You are strong because you are kind, and you are kind because you are strong. I love you. Mom. 

She left a week ago for Japan, and Buffy is alone again. Her father is at work, as usual. Buffy doesn’t know if Andi will answer her calls, and if she does, Buffy doesn’t know how she would act—the feigned normalcy from the past year or the new uncomfortableness? She can count on Cyrus, sure, except that he’s always busy with TJ. 

So instead of reaching out to anyone, Buffy groans and sort of rolls onto the floor. After stretching out her legs sore from track, she flattens herself on her stomach to look under the bed. A minute of digging her hand around yields the scrap of fabric she’s looking for: a slightly battered pride flag, colored with the blue, purple, and pink of bisexuality.

Buffy glares at it.

This is what’s messing up her life right now. Her stupid feelings. And she can’t even show it in public, or rant to her mom about them, or talk to other LGBT people about confusing signals from possibly straight people. Buffy has told both Andi and Cyrus—Cyrus ordered her the flag. But no one else, so the symbol of her identity just sits untouched beneath her bed. 

She runs a hand over the different stripes. When Buffy was ten years old, she wasn’t interested in anyone, girl or boy. Ten year-old Buffy would have thought the flag was made up of lots of pretty colors. When she turned thirteen, she was conscious that who she liked made a difference in who she was, at least for the outside world.

And then she had a tiny crush on Walker, until he tried to ask her to formal with a cult. So Buffy was convinced she was straight even at the beginning of her relationship with Marty, because it was crystal clear in her mind: she liked a boy. Cyrus liked a boy, so he was gay. She liked a boy, so she was straight.

Until the lines weren’t so clear cut anymore. 

Like the colors of the flag, blurring into each other so her contact-less self wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between them. Buffy knew what it was like to like a boy. What she didn’t know—yet—was what it was like to like a girl. Until.

When Buffy talks about Marty now, she thinks of him in flashes. First: tentative friends, running partners again, cross country teammates as freshman year dawned. Next was that one time they held hands in the movies and never mentioned it again. Then came the pining and the realization she liked him. She liked him. Next was stress and worry and texting all night until one day they were sitting on the ground in Buffy’s room, right where she’s sitting now, and Marty leaned all the way in to kiss her. Then was dating bliss, then more worry, then breakdown. Buffy tried not to think about those phases, about which parts were her fault and which were out of her control.

Buffy also tries not to think about what happened two months after she hung up on Marty and ran to his house, crying, because they had to break up. Marty had disappeared from her life once again; only the ghost memory of him remained, haunting her runs. Marty from the party: her first kiss, her first love, her first true breakup: almost every first.

Almost.

What he could never be, though, was the first girl. 

The realization developed starting midway through freshman year, and it just kept coming back to her. Girls. Girls. Girls. It was like running into a wall over and over again, and that wall was the poster of Fifth Harmony pinned across from her bed. That wall was Hayley Kiyoko’s music being constantly stuck in her head. That wall was the stick in her throat when playing ‘Never Have I Ever’ and Cyrus declared ‘Never have I ever been straight.’

Once she realized it fully, and she could say the word with reasonable calm, it was easy to make the same choice Cyrus had. Actually, it was the opposite of easy. But it felt natural, when she said the two words together. She even told Marty, who told her confidentially he was too, and they bonded over it. The flag came along soon after as a gift from Cyrus. Her spirit was all there: she had the right realization, coming out journey, and self-acceptance.

But sophomore year—that was something Buffy could consider later. She flips the flag over between her hands until she feels centered, and then she slides it beneath her bed again. From across the room, her phone dings with a new message, which she steps to her feet to answer.

GHC fools

kingofthebabytaters: yo gays

kingofthebabytaters: guys*

Buffy makes a note to throw something at him at some point.

kingofthebabytaters: do you think the plan for tj is good??

kingofthebabytaters: I feel like it’s too extra but also not extra enough you know

andicrack: okay back up I thought we were set on signs

kingofthebabytaters: we aRe! but like is that special? andicrack: you made homemade signs that a bunch of ppl are gonna hold up. uh, yeah it is cy

notavampireslayer: yo goodman don’t doubt your excellent plan

kingofthebabytaters: excellent plans don’t always work out

andicrack: name one time—oH are we talking about 8th grade

notavampireslayer: this better not be about that freaking CULT

kingofthebabytaters: the point is I really want TJ to love it

andicrack: maybe perhaps I was buffy

andicrack: HE WILL

andicrack: stop stressing cy guy

kingofthebabytaters: you sound like jonah

andicrack: ew

notavampireslayer: your Valentine’s Day will be great Cyrus I assure you

Buffy puts her phone down for a second to consider this. How is Cyrus, of all people, stressed out about Valentine’s Day? He has a boyfriend, and not a recent one either. He basically has a guaranteed good day. The last time Buffy celebrated Valentine’s Day for real was with Marty, and that was on the back half of their relationship. Tension was building. What she wouldn’t give for one good Valentine’s Day, when the person she likes likes her back completely.

She’s not supposed to be jealous of Cyrus having a relationship, but she might be, which sounds needy but might be the truth. Does Andi have a valentine? She thinks of Amber, feeling a pang of—something—and turns her phone over in her hand. She’s doing the Andi thing where she hides her feelings from herself if she doesn’t like that she’s feeling them. She learned it from the best, like maybe if she doesn’t acknowledge them, they’ll go away. Buffy taps the back of her phone with her hand; she knows her feelings won’t go away.

Rolling over on her bed, Buffy opens her phone to Netflix. Since it’s the week before Valentine’s Day, sad hours, and even more specifically sad gay hours, Buffy starts to turn on Love, Simon. Before she can, though, the ringtone of her phone interrupts the logos. It’s not a text but a call from a FaceTime number. Buffy swallows as she stares at the screen, trying to decide if she wants to pick up.

Who is she trying to trick? The phone is in her hand and the accept button pressed within two seconds. 

“Hey, Buffy,” Andi says from the screen. She pushes a piece of bangs back from her eyes and smiles up at Buffy.

“What’s up?” “Just wanted to talk. See how you are,” Andi says, which sounds like a weak reasons anyways but even weaker coming from Andi, who never seems sure of herself anymore.

“I’m good…” Buffy says, then gets mad at herself for being boring. “I’ve just been thinking about freshman and sophomore years, you know. Reminiscing.” Andi nods along, and the two discuss school, friends, food, preferences, and the origins of Valentine’s Day (which happens to be the execution of two men during the Roman Empire). Buffy ends up modeling her two different options for a dragon costume (don’t ask), and Andi brings the phone downstairs so Buffy can say hello to Bex and Bowie. 

An hour and a half later,  Buffy can feel her eyelids drifting closed but doesn’t want to stop talking. It’s been a good several months since they have really talked like this—and it’s been a year since they’ve talked for so long with a comfortable ease. Everything dates back to one year ago, to what Buffy regrets every day and doesn’t regret at all. Her mother would tell her to ignore the regrets and just live, which is exactly what she’s trying to do. But Andi and her complicated feelings always make things hard, just like they did with Jonah. Buffy knows, somewhere, that the complicated feelings aren’t just from Andi; they’re from her too. But it’s easier to blame the problem that’s on the surface rather than the problem deep inside of her.

Because the problem deep inside is related to a word Buffy has only heard therapists say with meaning: commitment. And the second issue has to do with the flag underneath her bed.

But Buffy has her mom and Cyrus and yes, Andi, to worry about, so she doesn’t think about these things.

“So Buffy,” Andi says, slicing through her thoughts. “Is Marty dating someone right now?” “He’s dating Eleanor,” Buffy says as quickly as possible, then stops. Andi’s jealousy of Marty is an idea she can get behind, if it gives her any leverage.

“Yeah? What happened to Ross?”

Buffy laughs, only because Marty’s first boyfriend was a crackhead who he loved too much. Of course Ross broke Marty’s heart. “Ross is long gone.”

Andi nods, slowly. Then she says what Buffy thinks she’s wanted to say all this time: “I think Jonah likes someone else.” I think you like someone else, Buffy thinks, but she shuts herself up. “Who? Amber?”

Andi laughs. “Hopefully not, since she’s definitely a lesbian.”

“Jonah has a history of bad crushes.” Ouch.

“Jonah can like whoever he wants, I don’t care. I hope he has a good Valentine’s Day. WIthout me.” Andi looks very pleased with herself, which she honestly should be. On-again-off again Jonah and Andi had lasted multiple years and in a year alone had undergone seven separate disasters (Buffy counted). And yet, here she is, four months later, still a little caught up on him.

Jealousy stings.

“Good to know you’re being civil about it, Andi,” Buffy replies, not really paying attention. 

“Oh, I am. Libby and I still have plans to form a club: the ex-Jonahs.” “Form that club and I may have to block your number and burn my phone for good measure.” Andi giggles.

“Wow, we’re really bad with boys, huh?” Andi asks, tilting her head to the side.

“Girls too,” Buffy agrees, and Andi smiles a tiny smile. Buffy thinks of the flag and counts to three the different shades until she’s calm again. But when Andi smiles, with that gorgeous smile and brilliant eyes—

Time to shut this down before it got away from her.

“Look at us,” Andi says, her chinks blushing pink. “Single on Valentine’s Day. Maybe we should go to the dance together. After all, Cyrus abandoned us by getting a boyfriend. We’re the same as we’ve always been.” 

As Buffy nods along to agree that yes, they should go to the dance together, yes, it would be extremely fun, and yes, Cyrus is now an official traitor to the Good Hair Crew and they need to hold auditions for a replacement immediately, she turns over that statement in her head like she had the note from her mom and the flag. 

Somewhere around 12:42 am, Andi whispers a goodbye from the relative darkness of her room. Buffy mumbles one back, blinking sleepy tears from her eyes and waving with a slightly glowing hand. Andi waves back, and neither of them hang up until Buffy feels her eyes actually drift shut and finally does. She falls asleep in the next minute with Andi stuck in her mind, playing on repeat next to the words Valentine’s Day and dance.

On the other end, Andi stays awake until an even more ungodly hour, mostly staring at her window and wondering. Wondering how she can have messed up something so badly yet be lucky enough not to have ruined everything. Wondering if Jonah will ever return her third favorite sweatshirt. Wondering if Buffy is asleep now or laying awake thinking. Wondering whether every decision she makes is a massive mistake or a useless choice. Wondering how she’s going to get through this.

We’re the same as we’ve always been.

But they’re not. The unspoken between them is a living, breathing thing: one year old. Andi remembers the day; how could she not? Buffy may think Andi has forgotten it; she hasn’t. The reason sticks in her head every day: the reason for the tension, the reason for the discomfort, the reason for a year of needless separation.

It’s just a reason Andi can never even begin to acknowledge.

And so she doesn’t.

[buffy-cyrus]

Friendom Gift Exchange!

For @cam-cat-writer, from your secret santa! It’s a Hogwarts AU about how Cyrus met the ghc and TJ! This is the first time I’ve written in years so I’m sorry if its a little rough, but I had so much fun writing it!

“Uhh, Earth to Cyrus? Hellooo?”

“Huh?” Cyrus started, jolting out of his daydream.

“I said are you excited about this year?” Andi grinned, not even attempting to mask her glee. Then again, why should she? They were on the train headed to the one and only Hogwarts for the third time, and Andi was already loving the new sense of responsibility.

“Can you believe it’s been two years since we started here?” asked Buffy “It’s gone by so quickly!” She paused. “But it also feels like I’ve known you two for a lifetime.”

Cyrus smiled. “I know exactly what you mean. I can’t even remember not being friends with you guys.” It was true. These two girls had changed his life in every way, and he couldn’t even bare to think about how he would’ve handled Hogwarts without them...

*two years earlier*

I can’t do this! Cyrus thought to himself, as he watched yet another young wizard step up to the sorting hat. He felt his palms begin to sweat as he glanced over at all the people in the room - people who would all be staring at him once his name was called. What if he tripped? What if everyone laughed at him? What if his house didn’t like him? What if-

“Psst, what’s up with you?” An unfamiliar voice interrupted his thoughts as he felt a hand rest on his shoulder. He turned his head to see a curly-haired girl looking at him in confusion, although once their eyes met it quickly became concern. “Are you okay?” She whispered.

“I’m fine. More than fine! Well, unless you count being terrified as being not fine, in which case I am definitely not fine.” He felt the words tumble out of his mouth before he could stop them, and he soon became very aware of his cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

The girl, however, didn’t seem annoyed by his word vomit. In fact, he saw a smile spread across her face. “So you’re scared, huh? So is every other first year in this room. And every other first year in the history of first years. It’s no big deal-” she was cut off by a nudge and a glare from the boy next to her, warning her to lower her voice. The girl just rolled her eyes and smiled at Cyrus. “See. I bet he’s pooping his pants right now.”

Now it was Cyrus’ turn to smile. “Thanks… that actually helped” he whispered. “I’m Cyrus, by the way.” He offered her his hand to shake.

“Nice to meet you, Cyrus, I’m-”

“Buffy Driscoll!” a voice from the front called out.

“That’s my cue! Wish me luck!” the girl grinned before striding up to the front.

“Slytherin!” the hat called out, quickly followed by loud cheering from her new house as she confidently approached their table. She glanced up at Cyrus and gave him a reassuring nod, just as another name was called.

Nice to meet you too, Buffy.

*present day*

“You know, as much as I am loyal to my house, I wish we all could’ve been put together.” Buffy sighed, twisting the green bracelet Andi had made for her as a symbol of their friendship. Cyrus glanced down at the yellow one wrapped around his wrist and smiled. “It would be nice to have you guys cheer me on in quidditch, you know?”

“As if we don’t already deafen everyone by shouting your name.” Cyrus noted, earning a smirk from both girls.

“I know, I know. But you also cheer when your houses win.”

“Uh, Buffy? Cyrus cheers when anyone wins. I don’t think he understands the game very well.” Andi giggled.

“Hey! I’m just trying to be encouraging!” Cyrus snapped playfully, “but you know I’ll always cheer the loudest for you, Buffy.”

“I know who you’d cheer for the second loudest.” Andi teased, smirking at Buffy as they shared a knowing glance. “And, funnily enough, he’s also in Slytherin.”

Cyrus felt his heart skip. Andi and Buffy had known about his crush on TJ Kippen since last year, and they had been wonderfully supportive - even throughout all of TJs antics. To them it was a simple unrequited crush. He had yet to tell them the whole truth...

*one year earlier*

“GO BUFFY! GO BUFFY!” Cyrus and Andi screamed as they watched their friend zoom past them. It was her first game and she was already amazing. At least, Cyrus thought so, although his quidditch knowledge was rather limited. Nevertheless he was incredibly proud of his best friend for making the team.

He watched in awe as Buffy effortlessly weaved past two Gryffindors and a bludger, keeping the quaffle safely in her grip. She was going to make it! She was going to-

The crowd gasped as another Slytherin knocked into Buffy. “What’s he doing? They’re on the same team, aren’t they?” Cyrus cried as he watched Buffy struggle with the other boy. Buffy had seemed to regain her balance by this point, and the other boy had backed off following the crowds displeasure. She scored and the crowd erupted into cheers, seemingly forgetting what they’d just witnessed.

“That was ridiculous,” Andi muttered, “That idiot nearly lost his own team 10 points!”

“Ridiculous…” Cyrus agreed half-heartedly, as his attention had been diverted to the culprit, who was now sulking while the rest of his team continued the game. Cyrus felt a pang in his stomach as he recognized the boys face. It was none other than his potions classmate, TJ Kippen…

***

“TJ!” Cyrus called upon seeing the chaser. The game had just finished after the Gryffindor seeker - Marty - had caught the snitch, and Cyrus had left his friends after quickly congratulating Buffy on a great game despite their loss.

It wasn’t like he was looking for TJ - more like aimlessly wandering with the hope of casually bumping into the boy who’d sabotaged his best friend. There was nothing wrong with that, right?

“TJ wait!” he tried again, this time earning a pause from the taller boy, allowing him to catch up.

“What do you want, Cyrus? Shouldn’t you be with Buffy?” TJ murmured. His distant attitude unfortunately didn’t surprise Cyrus, as he’d observed that TJ was one to push away those who were kindest to him. He made a mental note to ask the boy about it later.

“What happened out there? You looked like you were trying to intercept your own teammate.” He paused, wary of sounding too standoffish. “Is everything okay?”

“Why do you care?” TJ retorted, clearly not sharing the same concern as the Hufflepuff.

Cyrus paused. The truth was, he didn’t know why he cared. While TJ and him got on during potions, it wasn’t as though they were friends. Although, that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world…

His reverie was cut short by a short ‘ahem’ from the Slytherin, who was apparently interested in Cyrus’s answer. “Well?”

“Because you’re a good player, and I doubt you’d sabotage your own team without good reason.”

“What good reason is there to sabotage my own team?”

“That’s what I’m asking you.”

TJ rolled his eyes, and for a moment Cyrus thought he was going to push him away. Then, much to the shorter boy’s surprise, he let out a defeated sigh. “It’s her first game and she’s already better than me. How is that fair?”

Cyrus watched as TJ’s eyes fell to the floor. He was ashamed, he could tell, and Cyrus felt for him. “So that’s why you tried to stop her? Because you were jealous?”

“I’m not proud of it Cyrus. I just heard everyone cheering for her - even the other houses! - and in the heat of the moment I snapped. I wish I could take it back but I can’t, so there’s really no need to dwell on it.”

“You’re right,” Cyrus smiled, “you can’t take it back. But you know what you can do?”

TJ glanced up at him, finally taking his eyes off the floor.

“You can apologize, TJ. To Buffy and to your team.”

Cyrus prepared himself for an argument, but there wasn’t one. TJ simply sighed, and under his breath muttered “I know.”

“Come on, TJ, rip the band aid. I’ll come with you to see Buffy right now if you want.”

TJ shook his head. “I should do it alone. She’ll probably think you orchestrated the whole thing if you come with me… which I suppose you kinda did, but she doesn’t need to know that.” He grinned, to which Cyrus couldn’t help but giggle at. There was something about the taller boys smile that made his heart flutter, but he couldn’t quite place why.

“Well, no time like the present,” TJ nodded, turning to walk away from him. He paused, and before Cyrus could process what was happening, he felt TJ quickly hug him. “Thanks Cyrus. I owe you” he muttered, before jogging out of the Hufflepuff’s sight.

TJ Kippen had hugged him. Did this mean they were friends? Relax Cyrus, it’s no big deal. You’re friends with TJ Kippen. It’s cool. It’s chill. But Cyrus was far from chill, as his heart seemed desperate to escape as it pounded in his chest. Baboom, baboom, baboom.

Oh. Oh.

*present day*

“So are you going to ask him out this year?” asked wildly, a smirk spreading across her face.

“Uh, Buffy, I don’t think TJ is gay” Andi cut in. “Doesn’t he have a girlfriend?”

Now it was Cyrus’s turn to smirk, although he remained silent.

“What? No he doesn’t.”

“But he’s always with that girl. You know, the pretty blonde one in Slytherin?”

“You mean Amber…? Amber Kippen? She’s his sister, Andi!” Buffy chortled.

“Oh! So she’s single then?” Andi joked, as the three of them erupted into laughter. Andi had had her fair share of relationship drama last year when she dated Gryffindor’s Jonah Beck for a while. Cyrus also kinda maybe had a little thing for Jonah in his first year, but his crush had since faded as he now viewed him as a friend.

Besides, now TJ was in the picture…

*one year ago*

Detention. Cyrus winced as he repeated the word once again in his mind, recalling the sinking feeling he felt when he realized just how much trouble he was in.

Cyrus didn’t get detentions - he’d always given his work 100 percent and never misbehaved - so why now was he sat next to TJ Kippen in complete silence, trying desperately to ignore Snape’s glare?

It wasn’t his fault - not really. He’d so been listening to TJ gush about quidditch that he stopped paying attention to the potion they were supposed to be brewing. Perhaps somewhere along the line he’d added too much moondew or not enough dragon’s blood. How was he supposed to know the potion he’d made would explode?

Yes. This was TJ’s fault. Stupid, adorable, distractive TJ.

“Mr Goodman.Would you take a look around my classroom? What do you see?”

Cyrus gulped.

“It’s a complete mess, professor.” TJ chimed in, seemingly sensing the smaller boys nerves.

“That is correct, Mr Kippen, though it would do to remain silent when you aren’t being spoken to.” He paused. “You are to clean this up, and aren’t to leave until this room is spotless. Understood?”

“Yes professor,” the boys said in unison.

“Good. Now, I have pressing matters to attend to.” Snape made his way towards the door. “Do not attempt to leave before you’ve completed your job, or there will be serious consequences…”

The boys remained silent until they were sure the footsteps had faded, then breathed a sigh of relief.

“You can relax, Cyrus. Snape’s all bark and no bite,” TJ smirked, sitting up on the desk.

“I’m not so sure about that…” Cyrus uttered. “I’ve never been in trouble before, TJ! What if this is the gateway to a life of crime and darkness and-”

“Woah, easy there! There’s a big jump between accidentally making the wrong potion and being a criminal.” TJ was laughing, but Cyrus didn’t feel mocked. In fact, the taller boy’s chuckle calmed his nerves.

“Wait, so you don’t think I could be a criminal?” Cyrus joked, hopping up onto the desk next to TJ. “Because I could be a master criminal if I wanted to. You’re lucky I chose the path of goodness in life.”

“Of course you could,” TJ giggled, “Why do you think we’re friends? It’s because I want to keep you on my good side.”

“Geez, I thought you were my friend because of my amazing brewing skills” he teased, glancing around the apocalypse of a classroom. “How on earth are we supposed to clean up this mess?”

“Easy. We use magic.”

“Snape specifically told us not to use magic, TJ.”

“Well he doesn’t have to know.”

“TJ.”

“Cyrus.”

They both paused, and Cyrus took this opportunity to flash TJ his cutest puppy eyes. “Pleeease don’t get us into anymore trouble.”

“Fiiiine. But only because you’re so cu-” Hm. Weird. He cut himself off.

“I’m so?”

“Annoying,” TJ teased, hopping of the desk. “Come on then, let’s do this your way.”

***

The boys had been tidying for all of five minutes before getting distracted. Again - totally TJ’s fault for being so adorable that Cyrus just had to throw a crumpled piece of paper at him. How could he have possibly predicted it would turn into a full on paper ball war?

“Alright, alright, you win!” Cyrus shrieked in defeat as TJ hurled what seemed like thousands towards him. He fell to the floor laughing as TJ plopped down next to him.

“You..have...paper,” TJ wheezed between giggles, “In your hair!” Cyrus felt his heart flutter as TJ’s hand swept the piece of paper out of his hair. He wanted nothing more than to grab his hand and just hold it in his own, but he knew TJ could never feel the same…

Or could he? Cyrus thought back to just a few moments prior, when TJ cut himself off before he could finish his sentence. What was he going to call him?

“You weren’t really going to say annoying, were you?” Cyrus asked, desperately trying to mask the shakiness of his voice and come across of nonchalant.

TJ inhaled sharply. “So he’s a master criminal and a detective…”

“Don’t expose all my secrets!” he grinned.

Exhale. “Do you want the truth?”

The truth? Truth about what? Cyrus nodded, his brows furrowed in confusion.

“I like you Cyrus.”

Well duh. “I like you too, isn’t that why we’re friends?”

“No, Cyrus…” he sighed, “I… I have a crush on you.”

Cyrus swore his heart stopped in that moment. TJ Kippen had a crush on him?

“I- I don’t want this to make things weird between us,” TJ spluttered, “I’m still grateful to be your friend and I-”

Before he could stop himself, Cyrus leaned in and pressed his lips against TJ’s. It was a quick peck, but it was enough to simultaneously silence the taller boy and make Cyrus’s heart beat out of his chest.

“Oh” TJ whispered, his cheeks flushing red as a smirk crept out.

“Oh.” Cyrus grinned, reaching over and gently grabbing TJ’s hand.

“The word was cute, by the way,” TJ beamed as he traced his thumb along Cyrus’ hand. “And I hate to break it to you, but a master criminal can’t be cute.”

They both chuckled as Cyrus rested his head on TJ’s shoulder. Maybe detention wasn’t so bad after all…

*present day*

“Cyrus! You’re daydreaming again!”

“Are you planning how you’re going to ask out a certain Slytherin?” Buffy teased, wiggling her eyebrows.

Cyrus rolled his eyes. He knew he was going to have to tell Andi and Buffy about TJ sooner or later, but part of him adored the secrecy of their relationship. A few more weeks couldn’t hurt…

He glanced down at the yellow bracelet Andi had made him, and recalled how excited she was about these tokens of their friendship and trust. Sigh. He had to tell them.

“TJ is my boyfriend.” he blurted out before he could stop himself. He didn’t realize just how good it would feel to say those words aloud.

“WHAT?” they both exclaimed in disbelief.

“Since when?”

“How did it happen?”

“Who asked who?”

Cyrus closed his eyes and smiled. This was going to be a long journey...

[swingsetboys]

I’m hosting a secret holiday gift exchange!

thank you to everyone who responded to my post last night. <3

what’s this? a holiday gift exchange is something some fandoms do, where you receive the url of another person as well as other information from the form below. that person is who you’ll create a gift for, which you’ll post on december 20th. (the same will happen for you—someone will get your url/info and create a gift for you which will be posted on the same day)

what can I create for them? anything you can create, go for it! there’s actually a list on the form for you to click all of the things you can make (but that doesn’t mean you’re required to make all of those things, you’re only here to provide one gift for your person!)

how do I participate? you’re going to fill out the form below and then I’ll message you on november 5th with the url/etc of another person that filled out the same form. then you can start creating based off of the information I sent you, and you’ll post whatever you create on december 20th!

do I tell the person I’m creating a gift for them? nope, not until you post it! it’s supposed to be a secret until then. but you can feel free to send them anons if you want to! that way you’ll know a bit about each other beforehand

when and where can I sign up? you can join by filling out this typeform. you have now until november 2nd at 11:59pm est (or that next morning when I close the typeform hshshhs) to join!

why are you doing this? because I want people to exchange content and have a funky fresh time

okay that’s all, I hope you all join! if you have any more more questions feel free to ask me! (reminder: the typeform is here)

[malenafan4ever-blog]

Happy Valentine's day @kittysrllygreetart​! I really tried, but I ended up with a crappy drabble and even crappier moodboard. It's juffy tho, so...points for trying?

It was Valentine’s day, and Andi Mack was over the moon, barely able to wait for the Valentines exchange, and the plan she had in motion. Buffy had been painfully obvious about her crush, and Andi was getting sick of it. Andi had the perfect plan. She was going to tell Buffy and her crush to meet her on the gazebo at sunset. Andi wouldn’t show up, and there would be roses, chocolates, and soft, romantic music playing in the background. She would be watching their first kiss through the bushes.

That night, Buffy stepped onto the gazebo. Chocolate and roses sat on the little table imbetween the two rocking chairs, and soft music played in the background. “Andi?”

“Buffy?” a familiar voice asked. “Where’s Andi?”

Buffy felt that something was off. She glanced around, letting her mind absorb all of the facts. It was sunset. It was just him and her on the gazebo. Soft, romantic music was playing in the background. There were chocolates and roses on the table in between the two rocking chairs. It was Valentine’s Day. Andi had asked them to meet and not showed up.

Buffy groaned. “Really, Andi?” She muttered.

“What?” Jonah asked, oblivious as ever. “Andi’s not here because she’s trying to set us up!” Buffy growled.

His eyes widened. “I guess I should go then,” he said, slightly downcast.

Buffy hesitated, and then shook her head. “No, you can stay. I’m not going to eat all of this chocolate by myself.”

Jonah looked at her in shock, and then sat down in the left rocking chair.

From her hiding spot in the bushes, Andi had to use all her self control not to squeal with joy. She never expected her plan to work so well.

They sat in the chairs, ate the chocolate, arm wrestled, laughed, and discussed skateboarding, basketball, and frisbee long into the night.

���A shooting star!” He cried out. “ Make a wish!”

Buffy closed her eyes and wished as hard as she could.

“What did you wish for?”

Buffy smiled slyly. “This.” She leaned over, so that her face was mere inches from Jonah’s. They were both breathing hard, staring into each other’s eyes.

“Scared, Driscoll?” Jonah asked.

“You wish,” Buffy smirked and pressed her lips to Jonah’s. He was stunned for just a second, and then slid his hand against her cheek. It was pure magic. Buffy’s heart swelled with joy as she wondered why she had never done this before. Begrudgingly, she reminded herself to thank Andi. Neither of them wanted to this moment to stop.

Andi smiled wider than she would have thought possible as she watched her best friend kiss Jonah. She had to bite down on her hand to keep herself from crying out with joy and triumph that her plan had worked. She glanced at her watch. They had kissed just in time, too. Valentine’s day was 30 seconds away from ending. Then Buffy and Jonah pulled apart, their faces still incredibly close together, as they both smiled so hard it hurt, Buffy whispered “Happy Valentine’s Day, my love.”  And Jonah whispered back, “I love you too.”

[bumper-boi]

Um, Hi

Person I got for secret santa(though you don’t know who you are and may not even see this), I will be posting your gift at 12:00 am CST

[queer-as-in-slightly-odd]

Here’s your gift!

@caitlinesmewilliams - I got you in the gift exchange, and I wrote you a Ricky/Nini one-shot, which I hope you like! It’s called ‘We’re Breaking Free’, and I’ve cross-posted it to AO3 in case you want to read it there (here’s the link). If not, I’ve posted it under the cut :)

In a rare moment of quiet, Nini sits backstage, quietly strumming. Her chords clash a little with the familiar beat of ‘Getcha Head in the Game’, barely audible from the makeshift stage in the school gym. She didn’t plan on bringing her ukulele tonight, but on her way out of the door this morning, she grabbed it on impulse and took it with her. As a good luck charm, perhaps. I need it now more than ever, she muses with a dry smile, thinking of the talent scout from the Y.A.C., Kalyani Patel, out in the audience.

She relaxes a little, though, as she reflects upon the first act thus far. She can’t deny it’s been… a little chaotic, particularly with Gina’s surprise return, prompting a very sudden cast change which, she thinks with a grimace, probably seriously confused the audience. She’s pretty sure they pulled it off, though, and Gina’s incredible dance break in ‘Status Quo’ made it worth it.

Suddenly the sound of drums pulsing through the walls stops, and she pictures Ricky, suspended on wires at the turning point of the song. And she smiles – something she’s finding herself doing a whole lot more lately, when she thinks about Ricky.

That said, on this particular occasion, she’s not sure whether she’s smiling at the thought of Ricky himself, or simply remembering what happened when they first used the wires at the dress rehearsal yesterday.

Most of the cast had been sceptical when Mr Mazzara, of all people, had arrived at their first meeting after the disastrous tech rehearsal, and told them that his robotics club had constructed a pulley system in the gym by which they could lift Ricky off the ground for the scene.

When they tried it, however, it worked fairly well – the harness held, and it turned out that Ricky was perfectly capable of singing whilst being hoisted up. The problem came when the industry-grade steel cable made Natalie’s hands sweat, and she lost her grip.

With a terrified yell, Ricky plummeted about eight feet before EJ and Seb seized the cable, halting Ricky’s gut-twisting descent and leaving him spinning in his harness, seven feet from the ground. A nervous laugh rippled around the gym as Carlos, looking distinctly pale, proposed using one of the climbing ropes instead. Ricky was white as a sheet when they brought him down again, but he quickly saw the funny side and was laughing with the rest of them.

Nini shakes her head fondly, but frowns as she realises that the production has been silent for a weirdly long time. The band stopped playing almost twenty seconds ago, and Ricky’s only supposed to wait about five seconds before giving them his cue line. Suddenly, though, the music starts up again, and she lets out an involuntary hum, hoping that there’s nothing wrong.

Less than a minute later, she sees someone – who looks suspiciously like Ricky – march past the open door. She carefully puts down her ukulele and jogs to the door to ask him how the scene went, but by the time she gets there, he’s disappeared. She looks the other way, where Kourtney, Carlos and Seb are looking in the direction Ricky vanished. Nini’s unnerved by how concerned they look. “What happened?” she asks, as Big Red’s voice sounds over the speakers, announcing the intermission. “We’re not sure,” Kourtney says with a shake of her head. “He sort of froze,” Seb adds. “While he was in the air. And he dropped the ball.” “Why, what’d he do?” Nini asks. “No, as in, he literally dropped his basketball,” Carlos says, widening his eyes to emphasise the point. Nini feels her heart sink. “Did he say where he was going?” Carlos shakes his head, but Kourtney speaks up. “He’ll be back for the second act.” Her voice is confident, and Nini hopes she’s right.

“Gabriella, you’re on in one minute!” Natalie calls, and Nini relaxes. They’re about five minutes into the second act, and as far as she can tell, nothing has gone completely wrong. She follows Natalie to the wings and, as rehearsed, looks around the set and the gym as she walks casually onstage. This is right; this feels good. “Wow, this is your real stage?” she says curiously, but her voice shakes on the final word as her gaze falls on EJ, wearing Troy’s basketball shirt. Ricky’s basketball shirt. No. No, this is wrong. Where the hell is Ricky? “Guess you could call it that,” he replies, looking altogether too relaxed in this topsy-turvy situation. “Or, just a smelly gym.” It kills her to break character, but she has to make sense of this. “What’s going on?” she hisses, surreptitiously covering her microphone with one hand. “Where’s Ricky?” EJ frowns minutely and, without replying, passes her the basketball. She narrows her eyes at him as she catches it, but dutifully makes a shot, watching with a bizarre sense of satisfaction as it misses the hoop and bounces off the backboard. “Whoa!” EJ says, jogging across the stage to retrieve it. “You shoot hoops too?” She stutters; she’s suddenly having difficulty breathing. Ms Patel can’t be impressed by this; she has to do better. “I once, uh, scored forty-one points at a league championship game.” “No way.” “Yeah,” Nini says, functioning purely on autopilot. The words are muscle memory to her, but she can barely hear them. Her mind is swirling. “The same day I invented the space shuttle, and microwave popcorn.”

The rest of the scene is a blur. Again, on impulse, she whispers desperately to EJ for an explanation, infuriated by his plea for her to trust him. At her cue, she all but runs offstage. As she exits through the temporary stage door, she can hear the words of Ashlyn’s beautiful song taunting her from behind.

What I did felt right, but was I wrong? Is this where I’m supposed to be at all?

Everything after that passes in a blur. She’s so angry, at everyone. At Ricky, for bailing on her – on them. At EJ, for letting him go and just taking the part so readily. At Miss Jenn, for casting her in this role she feels she’s so abjectly failing. At Kourtney, for inviting Kalyani Patel when she’s sure she’s never going to get in. At herself, for thinking she could do any of these things.

She kicks a chair backstage in fury, feeling her heart pound in her chest as she watches it topple over and skid across the wooden floor. A figure bedecked in an elegant black pant suit appears in the doorway, looking worried. “Nini, you okay?” Miss Jenn’s voice is soft and full of concern. “Will be,” she says, pressing a hand to her temple. “Just… a lot going on.” “I heard about the talent scout,” she says. “It’s not surprising that you’re stressed.” She nods slowly. “It’s not just that. But thanks.” “Do you want to talk about it?” she asks, and Nini hesitates, picking up the chair she kicked and sinking into it. “I guess I’m just scared of screwing up,” she says quietly, and Miss Jenn lets out a low chuckle. “Are you serious? You’re killing it out there.” “Thanks,” she says, not even slightly believing him. “But this is not my best performance.” “It’s not supposed to be,” she says, and Nini does a double-take. “What?” “Nini,” she says, crouching down in front of her and taking her hand, “I spent nearly fifteen years assuming that my best performance had already happened.” Nini nods, wondering where she’s going with this. “But the truth is, it turns out you guys are my great performance. My magnum opus, if you will. This isn’t Broadway, Nini – no one here is looking for the perfect show.” She cracks a smile. “Which is good, because God knows we haven’t had it tonight.” Nini laughs and sniffs, feeling her eyes moistening. “This isn’t going to be the best performance of your life, because you’re only going to keep getting better. That talent scout is looking for potential, and that’s what she’s going to see in you.” She squeezes Nini’s hand and stands up to go. “How do you know that?” Nini asks desperately, and Miss Jenn pauses at the door. “Because I did.” She smiles once more and disappears out of the door. After a moment’s thought, Nini exhales deeply, gentle wipes her eyes and follows her out.

By the time she’s back onstage, she’s forgotten her anger. EJ’s explained what happened – what Ricky told him to do, and why. She’s not even concerned about the Conservatory anymore – as EJ begins the chorus of ‘Breaking Free’, she remembers what Miss Jenn told her: she saw Nini’s potential. Maybe Kalyani Patel will too.

And then she sees Ricky, standing at the gym doors with Gina, and the last embers of her fury at him evaporate as well. As EJ lets her go – possibly in more ways than one – she looks into Ricky’s frightened eyes, and she realises that she loves him.

“You know the world can see us, in a way that’s different from who we are…”

As she walks towards him, she pulls out her phone and flicks on its flashlight. Since Big Red hasn’t put a spotlight on him yet, she’ll do it herself.

“Creating space between us, ‘til we’re separate hearts…”

He shakes his head and murmurs, “I’m really… not at my best.” And her heart aches because of how wrong he is. She’s known him for nearly their entire lives, and this, right here, is the best version of Ricky she’s ever known. He’s open and vulnerable, and he might have given up on something he was committed to – but this time, he did it entirely because he wanted her to succeed. “Just look at me, Ricky,” she says, slipping her phone back into her pocket as Big Red finally gets his act together. “Right at me.” The music starts up again, and Nini lifts the microphone to her lips again. “But your faith, it gives me strength…” A grin breaks out onto his face as he joins in. “Strength to believe…”

She can’t help smiling as she pulls him back to the stage. They’re going to be okay.

[cam-cat-writer]

Secret Santa Fic!

pssssst..... @patroclustic

heyheyhey I was your secret santa

I wrote you a fic

I hope you like it :)

AO3 LInk: Never Him

Or, if you prefer/if the link isn’t working, I also put it under the cut! Happy reading!

Thanks @swingsetboys for setting up this lovely gift exchange!

TJ swung open his basketball locker. He pulled his shirt over his head, folding it loosely and tossing it to the back. His text ringtone went off- probably Cyrus. Unable to suppress the fond smile that crossed his face at the thought of the sweet boy, TJ tugged his jersey over his head. He was pretty sure he had a crush on Cyrus, but he wasn't even really sure that Cyrus was even gay. Pulling out his phone, he confirmed that it was, in fact, Cyrus.

Hey, want to meet up after practice?  I can wait for you if you want. TJ grinned at his phone stupidly.

sounds great :)

He put his phone on silent and tossed it in his locker, shutting it and turning around to put on his sneakers. The moment he turned away from his locker, he realized how quiet it had gotten. Confused, TJ looked up to see the whole team looking at him, a few of them smirking. Griffin nodded to TJ's locker.

"Who were you texting, Kippen? Your... girlfriend?" Griffin wiggled his eyebrows. TJ rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"No." He sat and tugged on his sneakers. He hoped Griffin would just drop it, but of course that was too much to ask.

"What, are you gay or something?" Griffin snickered, nudging his friends.

"You know what? Gay isn't an insult, so shut up." TJ turned to leave, but Griffin called after him, of course.

"What, so you are gay?" TJ took a deep breath and turned around.

"Not that it's any of your business, but," he thought about Cyrus. "But yeah, I am." He looked at the rest of the team. "Now let's go, we've got drills to run."

They'd barely gotten practice going before Griffin started up again.

"So were you texting your boyfriend then, Kippen?"

TJ sighed. "I'm not talking to you about this, get back to your drill."

Finally, after six or seven interruptions from Griffin throughout the practice, TJ gratefully headed back into the locker room, eager to shower off and change. He spun his combination lock and grabbed his clothes, shutting the door. Suddenly, he was slammed into the bank of lockers. Pain spread through his shoulder, and he spun around, holding his most-likely-bruised arm. Griffin was standing there, smirking.

"What is your problem?!" TJ threw his hands up. The team was pointedly not looking at them, and TJ was getting really annoyed.

Griffin just shrugged. "Problem? There's no problem."

TJ just glared at him. "Clearly, there is." He went, showered off quickly and got changed, hoping Griffin would get over it.

Griffin didn't get over it. The next day at practice, Griffin was already leaning against TJ's locker when he showed up to the locker room. Griffin smirked when TJ approached and TJ fought the urge to shove him out of the way.

"Got a boyfriend yet, Kippen? Having fun being gay?"

TJ sighed and ignored him, changing into his uniform and heading out to start practice.

And, of course, Griffin's obnoxious comments continued through practice, much to TJ's annoyance.

After three or four days of Griffin and of getting shoved into the lockers after practice, TJ was getting really frustrated. He'd hoped Griffin would get over it, but he hadn't.

But the next day was what really tipped TJ over the edge.

TJ had been been leaving the locker room first for the last few days, partially to make sure he and Cyrus were gone before the rest of the team came out, and partially to avoid Griffin. But today, Coach had needed to talk to him, leaving TJ as the last one to leave the locker room. Hopefully Cyrus hadn't been waiting for too long.

As TJ walked towards his locker, he could see a small crowd of people, but as he got closer, he realized with a sinking feeling that it was the team, and he could hear Griffin talking loudly.

"Huh, you're waiting for Kippen? You know he's gay, right? Oh wait, you must be his weak little boyfriend." TJ saw, almost as though in slow motion, Griffin shove Cyrus into another teammate. TJ walked up and grabbed Griffin by his collar, seething with anger.

"Enough, Griffin."

Griffin just smirked. "What are you gonna do? You're weak, Kippen, you don't deserve to be team captain."

TJ maintained eye contact. "I don't care if you want to make fun of me. I don't care if you want to shove me into the lockers every day for the rest of the season. I don't care if you call me weak, and I don't care what you think of me: whatever helps you sleep at night. But hear me when I say, you will not do that to him." TJ lowered his voice almost to a growl, hardening his glare. "Never him." Griffin was pale by the time TJ finished talking, and when TJ let go of his collar, he hurried away, glancing back as though he was worried about TJ following him.

Satisfied that Griffin was gone, TJ allowed himself to breathe normally again, and the adrenaline started to wear off. He took a deep breath and suddenly he realized that he didn't know if Cyrus was okay. He turned to see Cyrus clutching his backpack off to one side, a strange expression on his face. TJ's heart sank. Cyrus was probably scared of him now, he'd probably just ruined their entire friendship. He shot Cyrus a weak smile and took off at a quick walk, not wanting to hear Cyrus, sweet as he was, try to tell TJ he didn't want to be friends anymore.

"TJ, wait!"

TJ stopped in his tracks, but didn't dare turn around, didn't dare say anything.

"Are you... Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

Sweet Cyrus, always worrying about everyone else first. TJ could handle himself. Instead of answering his question, TJ turned to look at him slowly. "I should be asking you that, since it's my fault this even happened."

Cyrus's forehead crinkled and he frowned sharply. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I seem to recall you being the one to fix that situation." He approached TJ and laid a hand on his arm. "I'm fine, I didn't get hurt or anything, it was just the one guy anyway."

TJ dragged a hand down his cheek, finally looking Cyrus in the eyes. "I'm sorry."

Cyrus grabbed TJ's shoulders. "It's not your fault, TJ, I don't understand why you think it is. I was alone, waiting at your locker, of course that was going to make me a bit of a target, but-"

"He only went after you because he found out I was gay! Because I told him, because I didn't stand up to him earlier and tell him to knock it off, because I wasn't there to stop him, he pushed you around, and you don't deserve that just because you were standing by my locker!" TJ exploded. "And if I didn't have a crush on you he wouldn't have figured out I was gay in the first place and then this wouldn't have even happened!" Cyrus was stunned into silence. TJ sighed. "So yeah, it's my fault. Making fun of me, mocking me, shoving me into lockers, that's fine-"

"No, it really isn't-" Cyrus tried to cut him off, but TJ just kept talking.

"-but not you, I can't let him do that to you when it's my problem and it's my fault." TJ didn't look Cyrus in the eye. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I put you in danger like that, I'm sorry that I couldn't keep him from being such a jerk, and I'm sorry to put you in this position at all." He got quieter and quieter until he could barely force the words out.

Silence.

"TJ, I forgive you, even though I don't think you did anything wrong. Why don't you tell me what happened, from the beginning."

When TJ had finished his story, Cyrus tilted his head in thought.

"I... I think that... I think that this is as good a... as good a time as any." He breathed deeply. "TJ, I really like you, I have for weeks now. I'm sorry you've been dealing with this, and I wish I'd known. But thank you for sticking up for me."

TJ smiled, trying to ignore the blush he felt threatening to overtake his entire face. "You're... you're welcome, Underdog."

[runningonmarvel]

be my valentine ch. 1

Happy Valentine’s Day!!! @you-get-to-exhale-now-cyrus For your valentine’s day gift I have written two chapters of a multi-chapter Valentine’s Day-centric fic (and I will of course be finishing and posting the rest of the chapters in due time, but, these two chapters are pretty long so I figured it works). Anyways, I hope you like it and happy Valentine’s day!!

A/N: takes place the two weeks before Valentine’s Day in their junior year. wonah. bandi. tyrus. a few curses. unedited but enjoy!!

Chapter 1: Put Your Hand in Mine

You know that I want to be with you all the time.

Jonah snaps the headphones over his ears and half closes his eyes, back against the bench. It’s a romantic song, too peppy for his current mood, but he can’t stop listening to it. He taps one foot against on the tiled floor while Grant students shove by each other.

Oh darling, darling, baby you're so very fine

You know that I won't stop until I make you mine

He’s so sick of love songs. Andi loves them: Taylor Swift and Meghan Trainor and Beyonce. So maybe there’s a reason behind his newfound annoyance with sappiness on the radio. But this one keeps sticking in his head. Jonah imagines reaching out his hand and taking someone else’s. And for the first time in a very, very long time, the person holding his hand in his imagination isn’t Andi. And it’s not Amber, or Natalie, or anyone else.

As half of Grant high school shoves by him, Jonah pushes the headphones down around his neck. He can hear his heart pounding way-too-loudly in his chest, and there’s a continuous beat and song inside his head.

Until I make you mine

And all he can think is: just in time for Valentine’s Day. 

————

“Driscoll, catch!” Andi ducks out of the way just in time for Buffy to catch the miscellaneous basketball team member’s thrown shoe. She stares at it in confusion, but Buffy just shoves it into her backpack, gives a quick wave of thanks to the girl sprawled out on the bench, and turns back to Andi.

“Eleanor took my shoe on accident,” she explains, but Buffy’s eyes have already moved on from this conversation. They drift upwards to the large pink banner strung across Grant’s entrance, which is currently being pinned up and decorated with paper heart chains. Andi doesn’t stop to consider how an extra shoe can be taken accidentally and instead gapes up at the poster.

“Since when do we have a Valetine’s Day Dance?” Andi asks.

As if summoned by the deity of high school cheesiness, Student Council president Kip Warren steps into their path. “Since you juniors started sucking at raising money for our prom.  We’re having a fundraiser dance—you buy candygrams and roses for people for three times the prices we bought them for. And we’re using that money to pay for a real prom, not one which you idiots scheduled in someone’s garage.” Kip storms away, and a lone senior—one of Amber’s friends—starts applauding. 

“He’s way too salty. I heard that our student council planned a good prom but he’s just picky and annoying. Ugh,” Buffy says, glaring after him.

“And they’re probably spending more money on this dance then they’ll make from a few candygrams, honestly.” Andi bends over to grab a cardboard heart, which she reattaches to the wall.

“Cyrus is going to have a field day, though,” Buffy says. She looks curiously over at Andi. “Do you think you’ll go?”

Andi feels something rush through her: undeserved indignation, maybe, accompanied by an annoying blush she wishes would go away. “I mean… are you?”

“I would suggest the Good Hair Crew go, but you already know Cyrus is dedicating this night to his boy.” Buffy shrugs. “We could go together? Single and unattached?”

If Andi were eating cereal right now, she would choke. She hasn’t been to any date-requiring function since her year-long disaster of a breakup with Jonah. And now Buffy Driscoll had the audacity to stand in front of hear with her cheeks blushed dark and her eyelashes clipping her cheeks and ask her to the dance. 

“I mean—sure! Maybe Amber could go with us too?”

“You don’t think Amber is going to ask Iris? I think she’ll finally get the nerve to do it. I should probably make a bet on it,” Buffy considers, digging for her wallet and frowning slightly.

“Maybe we should ask boys?” Andi counters, suddenly. Buffy glances up at her, and the look in her eyes could kill. 

“Maybe I’ll ask Natalie. She’s cute.”

Andi can’t even respond to that. So she does what she learned best from her mother; she changes the subject.

“So, Buffy. What’d you think of the movie you and Cyrus saw?” Andi tilts her head, meeting Buffy’s eyes again. She thinks of the cheesy block letters glued to the Valentine’s Day Banner: Will you be our Valentine? February 14th at 7. Two weeks away.

Buffy knows this game, but Andi watches her play along. “Best Summer of My Life 2? It was alright. Not as good as the first one. The love story kind of sucked—classic girl meets bad boy trope.”

“Wish I could have seen it,” Andi says, adjusting the straps on her backpack. 

“Yeah, well. How was Iris’s?”

Andi has a momentary flashback to Amber and Iris chucking Skyzone dodgeballs at her while shrieking filled the general vicinity. Somehow, Iris had been convinced to have a birthday at a trampoline place, and somehow, Amber had been coerced into going along with it. 

“Horrifying.” 

Buffy laughs uncomfortably, and Andi can hear the nonexistent joke fall flat. How long has it been like this? How long has the Good Hair Crew been out of sync, and the tension between Buffy and Andi unbreakable? 

Almost a year. Too long.

“Well, I’ve got Lit. See you later?” Buffy doesn’t bother waiting around for an answer to the question. She strides away, and it’s all Andi can do to avoid staring directly at the back of her head as she leaves.

“Ask Natalie,” Andi scoffs to herself, kicking at a spot on the ground. Cyrus would call her pettiness levels off the chart, but Andi doesn’t have any other way to react to Buffy. It’s not just the ever-rotating list of new girls; it’s Buffy’s obvious annoyance with Amber, it’s Buffy’s piercing eyes and sharp, true smile she hasn’t worn in so long. It’s Buffy’s acceptance of whatever is between them, while Andi flounders, trying to pretend she’s still in the waters of freshman year, when Jonah was her only problem.

When did the thoughts in her head get so complicated? Don’t answer that, she tells herself, because she already knows the answer. Andi lifts her phone from her pocket and starts absentmindedly scrolling through her old photos. There’s Cyrus and TJ sharing a milkshake with Buffy’s arms around them. There’s Amber trying on a faded leather jacket and Andi wearing a worn suit at the Thrift Store. Andi and her mom attempting gardening while Bowie laughed in their general direction. Buffy, Cyrus, and Andi holding on for dear life while ice skating two winters ago. Further back, there’s Jonah kissing Andi on the cheek, and Marty with his arm around Buffy and Andi with her arm around Jonah on some ridiculous double date. There’s a couple miscellaneous photos of Cyrus in his costume from the musical. And then, from about a year ago—

Andi’s cheeks color red. Red, like the sauce on Bex’s homemade pizza she recently learned to cook. Red, like the color of the Space Otters’ failed sophomore year uniforms. And she shuts her phone.

This is why it’s so hard to talk to Buffy. More than the color of her eyes or the defiance in her words, it’s the specific memory every time Buffy smiles at her. It’s the memory that’s controlling her.

Andi glances back at the Valentine’s Day banner, and sticks her tongue out just for good measure. She won’t let a stupid dance run by stupid Kip Warren control her too.

Then, from behind, a hand grabs her by the shoulder and starts dragging her backwards. Andi yelps, already running through the list of eight things she learned in self-defense class with Bex this summer. Quote: if you’re not a strong athlete your best hope is to hit where it hurts. Anywhere.” Andi is about ready to swing when the arm drags her into a closet and reveals the body attached to it.

“Cyrus?”

“Sorry,” he pants, as if the physical effort to kidnap her from the hallway was exhausting. “Top secret… information.”

“Oh?” Andi says, suddenly interesting. “Another cult?”

“Heck no,” Cyrus says. “I’ve got a plan for Valentine’s Day, for TJ. But I wanted to run it by you and Buffy first. And probably Jonah too.”

Andi starts to smile, leaning back against the shelves on the wall. “Spill.”

“Well… since his big game is on Valentine’s Day…” Cyrus leads in, unable to contain his grin.

“Go on.”

“I was thinking… we could all go… and hold up signs—“

“Signs for TJ! Valentine’s Day signs?!” Andi puts a hand over her mouth. “Cyrus, that’s adorable. No, it’s perfect!”

“Yeah, and I’d ask him to the dance, and we’d go afterwards, and hopefully he won his big game, and then the dance would be super romantic, and he could take the signs home and hang them up on the walls of his room, and we’d take polaroids before the dance in our suits, and you guys would be there—“ “Thought about it much?” Andi cuts in, but her lips curl upwards with excitement. The mention of the dance is the only sour bit—Andi doesn’t need that subtle reminder that she’ll never know how to not be awkward with Buffy about it. She’ll never know how to articulate what she wants, so she’ll be stuck watching TJ and Cyrus and maybe Buffy and Natalie or some other random girl get their perfect Valentine’s Days.

“Well, maybe a little. Anyways, do you like?”

Andi breaks out of her thoughts. “I don’t like, I love. When do we make the signs?”

“This weekend maybe? To be ready by that Friday?”

“You got it, Cyrus. Text Buffy, she’ll be thrilled.”

Cyrus narrows his eyes. “She will not. I’m betting she doesn’t want to help with the signs, so it might just be you and me.”

“Aw, Buffy’ll help if you ask her.” TJ and Buffy don’t fight anymore, but it suffices to say that they’re not exactly best friends. 

“I’m already asking her to hold up one of the signs. And especially if she ends up with a crucial word—for example, Valentine—I can’t risk losing her support. I’ll just ask her about that and see how it goes.”

Andi smiles. “You and TJ have been dating for a year now, Cyrus.” Strange. A lot happened a year ago. “I’m sure she’ll be happy to hold up a sign. She just might not cheer for him.”

Cyrus nods, laughing a little. He types out a text on his phone to Buffy, sends it, then looks back up at Andi, looking a little panicked. “Should I tell Jonah? I need him to hold up the sign that says TJ. I don’t think he’s busy that weekend, the Otters don’t have a game—“ “Text him,” Andi reassures  Cyrus. He nods and types out the text while still looking up at her. 

“I need Buffy, Jonah, you, and Amber. I’ll text Amber and Jonah tonight.”

“You’re asking TJ’s sister to help with his Valentine’s Day ask?” Cyrus and Amber have been friends since middle school, and it’s still hard for Andi to wrap her head around sometimes that Cyrus is dating the brother of one of Andi’s closest friends and is additionally friends with her. It’s the type of friendship that thrives off drama, and Andi has a feeling that even if Cyrus and TJ break up (which it seems like they never will), Amber and Cyrus will be close until the ends of the earth.

“Of course. Who else was I supposed to ask? Walker?” Cyrus asks, giving Andi a look. It’s a group-acknowledged truth that Andi drove Walker from the group, even if Buffy was the last one who dated him. Walker hasn’t hung out with them for a year and a half now, except maybe a few times with Jonah. Andi misses him and his lovely creativity, but she doesn’t miss the drama he brought; Buffy was happier with Marty than with him, but then she was happier by herself than with Marty. Andi blinks slowly, realizing how this topic has made its way back to her again.

“Amber will be fine,” Andi assures, her mind not really on Cyrus or TJ. “You think she’ll finally get the guts to ask out Iris?”

Cyrus shrugs. “I hope so. Who are you going with, anyways? Not Jonah—“

“No.”

A pause.

“Jonah is my friend, yes. But I’m done being romantic with him.” Andi stops, because the words sound harsh, even if they are true. “Buffy and I are just gonna go together, like old times.”

Cyrus smiles a half smile, because old times would include him too. And all three of them know that they’ve moved on from old times. Maybe Andi the most. And yet.

“I’m gonna go find TJ now. Keep the plan under wraps, ‘kay? Friday afternoon we can pick out supplies?” “Glitter glue!” Andi says, and she can’t stop it from coming out like a squeal. “Count me in.”

Cyrus steps out, the brightness of his phone lighting up the dim closet, and leaves Andi alone, still against the wall.

Alone.

In the closet.

Andi nearly throws her phone across the room.

————

There are three parks in downtown Shadyside: the tiny one off the elementary school, the Valley Park where legend says a swamp monster lives, and Agley Park. Agley is where coffee shop people go to be in nature; it’s also, incidentally, Walker’s favorite place in town. The Saturday morning is crisp, with light winter fog in the air, and Agley looks like the rolling fields and forests of some picturesque Scottish village. The only piece of color barring the serenity is the hunk of metal in the middle of one of the squares; that hunk of metal, though, is what has drawn Walker downtown this early on a Saturday.

“It’s kind of… underwhelming?”

Walker ignores the voice to his right and keeps reading the printed plaque beneath the statue. Installed four weeks ago, reads the monotone font, the Rest of Infinity display serves as a reminder to all viewers of the eternity of space and its never-ending mystery. The 20-foot tall sculpture contains seventeen rotating pieces and thousands of tiny gears. The reflective paints were mixed by the artist herself, and the glass portions were blown by her as well. Walker is aching to reach for a sketchbook and draw it, but he promised himself that this time he would just look. So he does.

After a while, the same voice cuts in. “So maybe I’m starting to see why Cyrus can be such a science nerd sometimes…”

Walker looks over his shoulder at Amber Kippen, who is wearing a faux leather skirt and carrying a latte. They were in the same studio class—much to Walker’s chagrin at first, who had found Amber’s eclectic, relaxed approach to art to be flighty. But when Amber’s realism came out looking like a photographic negative, and when her paints were soft pastels that fit perfectly into her nature theme, then Walker decided to give up on judging before he knew things.

And now, lo and behold, Walker and Amber were visiting an art exhibition outside of school. Together. For fun.

“I really like the colors on the back few layers,” Walker says finally, and his voice sounds gravelly from lack of use. “And the way the black pieces spiral to infinity first, with the smaller pieces following behind.”

Amber nods, and Walker notes that she’s not really listening. “Do yo know who would love this?”

“Yeah?” Walker does know, because there’s only ever one right answer. But he holds off.

“Iris.”

Amber’s eyes get dreamy when she’s talking about Iris, her crush of many a year. Walker recognizes the look because it’s the look he used to see on Andi’s face when talking about Jonah. Buffy’s face when talking about Marty. The faces of people in love with someone else, not him.

“I’m sure she would, Her photography project is so cool, maybe she could take pictures of the statue—“

“I think I need to ask her to the dance,” Amber says suddenly. “It’s now or never, right? Senior year will be too late. It’s got to be now.” “What dance?”

Amber looks shocked, offended, horrified, embarrassed—everything on the list—that Walker is unaware of said dance. “Uh, Grant’s Valentine’s Day Dance. On account of the fact that Kip Warren and the dance team girls want prom to not be in someone’s basement this year. But Iris!”

Walker considers this, as they start to walk away from the statue and back toward Amber’s car. He listens to Amber’s list of reasons: “We texted all last night, and she ended with a heart, not me. We’ve held hands twice and been to four movies alone together. Her eyes are the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen, and her bangs are so nice and her smile…”

In his head, Walker wants to make a comparison to something he’s feeling for another person. But he won’t let himself. Pretty eyes…hanging out alone together. His breath is catching, and Amber’s voice fades a little in the background. And that dance…

“Walker? Walker!” Startled out of a daydream, Walker feels Amber’s arm in front of his chest and suddenly sees the curb drop away in front of him. “Absent-minded much?”

“Call it an artist’s trait,” Walker says dizzily. He can’t stop thinking about the crush—shit, a crush—and it’s like the world is falling to pieces. It can’t be real, not over one movie and an air hockey game and a couple walks home from school. Maybe if he doesn’t think it, then it won’t be real. 

“Walker.” Amber’s statement pulls him completely back to the surface, where he faces Amber’s scrutinizing gaze. “Are you going to ask anyone to the dance?”

Oh no. Walker opens his mouth to say something, and then doesn’t. They keep walking, but Amber’s eyes are staring him down with all the intensity she used to have as Grant’s resident mean girl. It’s the look she gets when she sees something she wants—or wants to know—and will do anything to get it.

“Um.”

“Um? Don’t give me that, Walker Brodsky. I spill my guts to you about Iris regularly. Now it’s your turn: who’s your crush?”

Walker blushes, reaching above his head to tug on a tree branch. “Amber, I—“

There’s a small voice in Walker’s head, and it’s trying to overcome the wave of anxiety he has about this situation. The voice is saying: Amber will understand.

Amber, who came out as lesbian when she was a freshman in high school. Amber, who goes to the LGBT alliance and activism meetings on a regular basis and cites it as her most important extracurricular, even more than dance or studio. Amber, who cries while listening to Heaven by Troye Sivan. Amber, who is staring at him right now with her Annabeth Chase-esque gray eyes and inquisitorial eyebrow raise. Amber, who has dated—

“Jonah.”

Amber doesn’t miss a beat, but Walker is already dizzy from the weight of the word. 

“Jonah! Of all the people at school, you chose Mr. Heartbreak himself?”

“Um.”

Jonah is Mr. Heartbreak, isn’t he? Walker thinks of Andi, and the disaster that was the final six months of her and Jonah’s relationship. Jonah, who Andi always like more than him. Jonah Beck, who Walker first met at the art gallery, and then at the color factory, and then at canoeing. A couple months ago Walker ran into Jonah outside the skate shop, and they ended up making plans to see a movie in town they both wanted to see. Then, Walker started seeing Jonah more at school, and they were partners on a Bio assignment. The events keep spilling over themselves in his mind, and Walker feels two things: one, feelings. A crush. Like he had on Andi. The second thing is what has been washing over him for months and what kept him from telling Amber in the first place: he’s scared. 

“Yeah,” Walker says, just to affirm it. “I like Jonah.” And there it is, again, the feeling in his chest of relief and anxiety all at once.

Amber nods as the rolling park ends and she clicks her key fob in the general direction of her station wagon. “Okay. Well, considering I’ve dated him, I’m probably authorized to give some advice—“

“No, Amber. He’s not even into guys; there’s no use thinking about it.” Walker slides into the passenger seat and takes out his phone from the glove box to start typing out notes about the statue.

“Walker, you never know. I mean, he’s never said that he does like boys, but he’s never said that he doesn’t—“

“That’s useless,” Walker says, keeping his eyes trained on his phone. “He’s straight, whatever. Let’s go home.” “Don’t play this card. You’re not the first person to fall for someone who you think is straight, and you won’t be the last, not by a long shot. Guess what? Jonah hasn’t said that he’s straight. So you have a chance. Don’t waste it.” Amber’s voice gets quiet at the end, as the grips the wheel of the still-parked car. Walker thinks of Iris, and he sees the pain of pining in Amber’s eyes. 

“Hey,” he says softly. “You can’t give up either.”

She shakes her head. “Yeah, whatever.” She sounds just like Walker did moments ago, but Walker doesn’t push.

“So…do you still want to give me some advice on Jonah Beck?”

Amber starts to laugh, and she reaches across to give him a shove. “Of course, Walker Brodsky. Of course.”

————

“Heads up!”

Buffy runs in anyway and snags the rebound away from TJ. She brings the ball back to the top of the key, eyebrows poised in challenge, and checks the ball to him. Then she pounds it into the floor, slipping beside TJ to get in an easy layup.

“That’s 18 to 17,” Buffy pants as TJ sets it back up.

“Careful, Driscoll, don’t get too confident,” TJ warns, crossing the ball to take a shot from just inside the three-point line. The ball circles the rim, achingly close to the net, but rolls back out and sinks to the court.

“Missed me, missed me, now you got to—“ TJ interrupts Buffy’s taunt with a shove, and Buffy laughs as she grabs the ball and shoves it back into his hands. 

“I will not,” TJ says, “allow you to complete that sentence.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Buffy laughs. “Don’t worry, I have no interest.”

“Good,” TJ asserts, and his next shot is nothing but net.

Three points later and Buffy has won the game, but they don’t keep score, shockingly. One-on-one has become a daily occurrence after their respective practices, because TJ has to wait for rehearsal to end to drive Cyrus home anyways. Cyrus tried to convince him that he could just go home on the late bus, but TJ has insisted.

“Ready for next Friday?” Buffy asks, once they’re done playing and are just dribbling around. 

“I hope,” TJ says, chucking the ball up with zero regard. Buffy catches it and looks over at him.

“You better be ready for Valentine’s Day. I know Cyrus is excited.”

TJ does a double take, and Buffy laughs like she’s caught him unaware. “Well, yeah I’m ready for Valentine’s Day. Or I will be. But the game—“ “Screw the game,” Buffy says, and drives the basketball into the ground. “I mean—sorry. Screw my game, not yours.”

“What’s up? How’s the team doing?” TJ holds his hands out, and she throws it at him. He’s always tried to be somewhat lenient towards Buffy in her captaining, because he knows it must be hard carrying the girls basketball program on her shoulders. When they came to Grant, Buffy had to leave behind her newly-founded middle school team for a program that’s only improvement on Jefferson’s was the fact that it was school-mandated. The past few years Buffy has been constantly trying to mend a rivalry with Kira while simultaneously attempting to take the team to the next level.

“We’re doing alright. But we’ll be playing teams in the region tournament that have AAU girls and are state-ranked. I don’t want to get eliminated in the first round, but that looks like what we’ll be getting. And I’m trying to deal with Kira, but I really can’t—“ Buffy stops.

TJ shakes his head. “You can’t be so hard on yourself, Buffy. Regionals is a hard tournament, and it’s okay if you guys—“

“No! It’s not,” Buffy shouts, and her eyes flash. TJ steps back, because this is starting to feel too much like middle school. “I have to do well, and you don’t get to talk to me like that. Why don’t you talk to me like you would a teammate—“ Buffy stops.

TJ knows some people think Buffy can be harsh, but she’s harder on herself than she is on anyone else. The thing about being friends with her is never knowing exactly how to handle it. If Cyrus were here, he would know, but Cyrus is onstage pretending to be Lysander from A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

“If you were my teammate, I would tell you to stop worrying and play the game. It goes how it goes. And I’d tell you to get along with Kira. You have to,” TJ says.

“Yeah,” Buffy breathes. “Sorry. Now pass me the ball.”

TJ obliges, and she dribbles in for a layup. He doesn’t know if he handled it right; but, he did something. Which is better than nothing. Now back to the matter at hand.

“So, Driscoll,” he calls. “What else has Cyrus said about Valentine’s Day?”

“That’s not for me to tell,” Buffy shrugs, starting to smile. “But I hope you’re taking him to the dance.”

“Uh, what kind of boyfriend do you think I am? Of course we’re going.”

“Alright, good,” Buffy says, taking a jump shot. 

“And,” TJ says, excitedly, “It’ll actually be fun. We’ve got the games, which everyone is coming to, and then the dance in the gym. Cyrus is coming over after, and we’re going to bake cookies and watch a movie—“ “Okayyy, I do not need to hear about your big date,” Buffy cuts in. TJ bites the insides of his cheeks so she won’t blush, because he had been planning a sort of date with Cyrus. But Buffy doesn’t need to know that. “But you’re right, it’ll be sweet. If your idea of romance is dancing in a sweaty gym in the dark.” TJ, who had been jogging back from the ball rack where he put away the basketball, stops to put his hands on his hips. “While you may be a cynical human being, Cyrus is a romantic—“

“So are you, TJ Kippen, don’t even try.”

“I refuse to acknowledge that statement. Buffy, you must come to the dance. It’s a part of the high school experience: the big game and then the sweaty prom.”

“Sweaty prom.”

“Sweaty prom!” TJ yells and does a spin around the gym. It’s exhilarating, he thinks, to have caring friends and a team he love to be on and a boyfriend who likes him back and has for over a year. And speaking of said boyfriend—

Cyrus enters the gym, and they both hear his hard-soled theater shoes from across the room. 

“Cyrus!” Buffy shouts, and runs over to him. TJ follows. “Save me from TJ, he’s trying to force me to go to… wait for it… the dance!”

Cyrus snorts, and swings his drawstring bag over his shoulder. “TJ, are these accusations trustworthy?”

“Very,” TJ says, pulling in Cyrus under his arm.

“In that case, I support them. Buffy, we need you to go the dance! Who else will ridicule their music choices and teach Gus how to do the cha cha slide?” “First of all, the instructions are in the song. Second of all—“ Buffy’s phone dings from inside her pocket, and she stops immediately to check it. TJ raises his eyebrows at her as she frowns at the tiny screen, then stops frowning and smiles a tiny bit. TJ runs through in his mind who it could’ve been—not Marty, who Buffy parted with freshman year. He shrugs it off—a mystery for another time.

“Got to go,” Buffy says, and rushes off to the locker room. 

“Buffy,” Cyrus calls, then shakes his head. “She’s been weird lately. I’m not sure what’s up.”

TJ nods absentmindedly, then turns to Cyrus. “How was rehearsal?”

Cyrus’s eyes go wide. “Some freshman dropped a set piece on Amber and she broke her pinky!”

“WHAT.” TJ feels his voice get quiet.

“Yeah, it’s okay though, it’ll be healed in two weeks. Show isn’t for another month. She said it feels fine.” “Fucking—sorry, fricking—freshman. Idiots, all of them,” TJ says, pulling Cyrus by the hand over to the bleachers so he can grab his bag.

“Can’t argue with that,” Cyrus shrugs, and they start to head to TJ’s car.  “Oh, and Amber told me to tell you she’s staying out late tonight, so don’t wait up for her.”

“She’s going out with a broken pinky?”

“She’s got a tiny cast; she’ll be alright.” TJ squints, unconvinced. “Anyways, how was your practice?”

TJ pulls Cyrus against his side. “The usual, you know. You’re bringing the whole gang out to the games on the 14th, right?”

He nods and wraps his arm around TJ’s waist. “I can’t wait.” Then he does that Cyrus-smile: with his lips upturned to his cheeks, and his eyes intense. “It’s Valentine’s Day too, you know,” he says sweetly.

“Oh, trust me,” TJ says. He puts both his arms on Cyrus’s shoulders and pulls him into a kiss. “I know.” Cyrus blushes when he pulls away, and TJ spins him towards the car.

“Movie tonight?” Cyrus asks. TJ bites his lip, then shakes his head.

“I wish. I’ve got precalc homework which is going to take me approximately four hours,” TJ says, slipping into the drivers’ seat. “Ms. Walters is evil, I swear.”

“I’ll be sending good luck in your direction,” Cyrus says as he buckles his seatbelt. TJ drives to Cyrus’s house, and on the way they listen to Billie Eilish and discuss the day’s events, their feelings towards pineapples, and Degrassi, their show. By the time TJ pulls into Cyrus’s driveway, it’s gotten dark and Cyrus’s eyelids are slipping closed. TJ smiles over at him and bops his nose with his index finger. Cyrus blinks awake, focuses on the house, and smiles a sleepy smile. Struck, as he is daily, by how cute Cyrus is, TJ leans across the seat and kisses him. Cyrus takes TJ’s hand, squeezes it, and tumbles out the door with his bags.

“See you tomorrow, underdog!” Cyrus turns to wave back at him, and TJ can still see the soft smile on his face.

As he drives away, TJ stops at the intersection that breaks off back to the Kippen house, and he takes a left instead of a right. He thinks about Cyrus’s excitement over Valentine’s Day and the dance as he pulls into the Target parking lot. Cyrus Goodman, he thinks, his own smile filling his features, you deserve the world.

[disc-heads-blog]

Of course I'm late for this

Hey @lgbtcyrus! I'm really sorry that I'm a little bit late for this, but this is your gift for the friendom gift exchange. I honestly got a little carried away with this story and it took me longer to finish than I thought.

The editing was definitely rushed, so it is probably kind of a mess, but I really hope you like it!

https://fictionpad.com/author/disc_heads/stories/59770/The-Holiday-Season

[youknowwhatelseyouare]

I OWE YOU MY LIFE THIS IS THE BEST THING THATS HAPPENED TO ME ALL WEEK

“Movie Moment”

My contribution to the friendom gift exchange, for @yeehawkippen !

I did a comic based off a sneaky ask I sent you, when you said what you’d like to see that the show probably won’t include:

shoutout to @swingsetboys for organizing this! 💖