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resident-gay-bitch · 2 years ago

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Oblivious

Summary: Eddie is very in love with Steve, and he doesn’t really try to hide it. well, he does… sorta. But it’s easy because Steve is very oblivious to it all. the truth only comes out after a very confronting game of spin the bottle. - 20.4 k words

Warnings: 16+, angst, discussions of sex, mild sexual themes, kissing, alcohol, cigarettes, weed if you squint, homophobic slurs, self harm though not explicit. (this is long so let me know if i forgot something)

Authors Notes: this started as a little head cannon / imagine thing, and then I got carried away, as per fucking usual and now it’s a fic and I love it a lot. don’t worry, there’s fluff in there too. (y’all, i forgot where i got this pic from so if you know the creator, drop it in the comments so i can tag them? thankies)

Steve was quite frankly the most oblivious man on the planet. You could blame that on the several concussions he has had over the years if you were feeling empathetic, but… he was pretty dang oblivious before the head injuries too. You could probably blame that on his parents. He was oblivious to his best friend (Tommy Hagan) having feelings for him for like… five years, though, you can absolutely blame that on the constant string of homophobic slurs leaving Tommys lips. He was oblivious to the fact that Robin was a lesbian untill she had told him, though, she did hide it well so that wasn’t a very big deal. And he was most certainly oblivious to Eddie’s constant pining. It was quite frankly obvious, actually, but he was still fucking oblivious.

Eddie would always flirt with Steve… always. And every time he got a little too close, or complimented Steve, or winked at him or whispered a teasing little nothing at him, Steve would always go pink in the cheeks, or giggle, or get a little giddy, or grin from ear to fucking ear. He liked the attention. He didn’t get that kind of attention, he didn’t even get that with Tommy, though, he did a little bit. Tommy was real sweet when they were in private and they liked to sleep real close when they had sleepovers. And so Steve took Eddie’s flirting with a smile, he welcomed it, he often would prompt it, give Eddie some ammunition. Like, he would ask if his hair looked good, or if his outfit worked, or if Eddie thought some random girl would like a particular feature, and Eddie would alway hit him with something sweet in return. He never flirted back though, yeah, he’d compliment Ed some times, but only in the way he would compliment Rob. he would never in a million years tell Eddie that his lips looked just as kissable, no, the thought of that made his stomach churn. So yeah, he didn’t really understand that Eddie was flirting with him, more so just… being nice, being a good best friend just like Tommy was, though, he was like the better version of Tommy. Because, he would never call Robin a dike or a faggot, and he would say such pretty things to Stevie, and he would keep him close in public as well, and he was generally just a better dude. But holy fuck was Steve oblivious. Yes, he knew gay people existed, yes he understood all that crap from Robin, but he didn’t know Eddie was gay, and the thought that he himself could be gay was something that never occured in his mind. Never, not once. He just never processed that Eddie’s sweet compliments could count as flirting, because they were two guys, and that wasn’t something Steve was conditioned to understand. Plus, a little flirtatious comment here and there from your mate was normal, wasn’t it? Tommy would tell Steve he was nice lookin sometimes, or that his hair was fuckin perfect… nothing out of the ordinary. He was the most oblivious man on earth.

The more Eddie continued to flirt with Steve and watched the adorable smile on his lips or the way his eyes lit up when Ed would reference one of Steve’s interests, or the perfect pink blush in his cheeks that would rise after a sweet compliment, the harder Eddie fell. And he fell so fucking hard, so hard that it hurt to keep the flirtatious act up because, yeah, the comments were never reciprocated, not verbally anyway… and the looks and the smiles, well… Eddie thought that was just wishful thinking. Yeah, a couple times Steve would tell Eddie that ‘your hair looks perfect today too’, or ‘you have really nice eyes, you know’, or ‘you have big hands, playing guitar with big hands is really attractive, you know, something I wish I had’, and Eddie would cling to those comments for dear fucking life. He would take what he could get. But yeah, they never compared to the, ‘Steve, your hair looks so soft, perfect for pullin’, or ‘your waist looks real cute in those pants, big boy’, or ‘oh yeah, I think your latest twink would die the moment she kisses those pretty lips of yours, Stevie’, Steves compliments were never like that, not once, not ever, never, ever. And yeah, Eddie thought about stopping on the off chance that they made Steve uncomfortable, but he could tell he liked them. Steve liked the attention Eddie gave him, and Eddie gave him a fucking lot of attention. Yes, Robin and Dustin gave him attention, but it was playful banter, and simple friendships, and conversations about girls… but Eddie… oh, Eddie just made him smile. It was like, whenever Steve walked into the room Eddie would just drop everything and focus solely on Steve. He would get up in his personal space, and smile at him, and wink at him, call him pretty, call him sweet, call him Stevie, and Sweetheart, and Big Boy, and the occasional Princess if he was feeling particularly cheeky, and it made Steve so giddy. Eddie was really his best friend, maybe even more than Robin… but it was different to Robin… probably because she was a girl… right? But yes, the flirting, whilst it was fun in the moment, it hung down on Eddie’s heart, and it hung it down low. He’d spent countless, countless fucking nights crying over steve. He’s spent countless days daydreaming over him too. He’s written songs about him, created characters and turned them into NPC’s in campaigns based off of Steve, and has filled sketchbooks and napkins and text books and desks with doodles of the boy he’s so fucking infaturated with the thought of. He’s burned through hundreds of cigarettes with the stress of it, cut into the supply of weed he was meant to be selling to random townies, but ended up smoking himself because he just couldn’t shake the soft outline of Steve from his mind. And fuck it hurts. It hurts so fucking much.

Eddie and Robin had come out to each other right after the events of the upside down. There was no time for those sorts of conversations in the alternate dimension, and they were both clinging to their respective crushes any moment they could get. So after, when Robin was sitting on Eddie’s bedside, mindlessly playing with the drip cord coming from Eddie’s arm, and it was just them, she flat out just asked him, “You’re into dudes, right? That’s what you meant by ‘hunt the freak’?” To which Eddie just laughed and nodded his head, and she confirmed she was into girls and then the spent the rest of the afternoon just confiding in each other, obsessing over their crushes and comparing their ‘I knew I was gay when’ stories. But she became his safety net, he clung to her, and so did she. They spent many nights crying together about how much it hurt to be gay and relentlessly pine over a heterosexual person. And they never told another soul about the truth behind their friendship, no, that was their secret. Infact, they had spent so many nights crying over it together, so much time spent together, Steve and Nancy thought they were in a secret relationship or something. And so did Dustin, infact, he thought Eddie and Robin were more likely than Steve and Robin at this point because they were always so close and touchy, always laying on one another or hugging, and they were always whispering to each other, or doing their weird silent form of communication with their eyes that annoyed everyone else in the room. But eventually, after about ten and a half months of that shit, Robin just broke and fessed up to Nancy because she couldn’t take it anymore, and Nancy had dropped a subtle hint that she was really, really attracted to Jennifer Grey in that new Dirty Dancing film, and they ended up getting together. And yeah, Eddie was ecstatic for her when he found out, but god it hurt his heart so much, so so much. Because now, it was even more unlikely for Steve to turn around and say he had a thing for Eddie too, because the odds just didn’t align themselves like that. The universe wasn’t that nice. Things like that didn’t happen to people like him. Never.

But it was possible. Just, no one knew it, and wouldn’t for a while longer. Because, Steve was in fact bisexual, he didn’t know or understnad his feelings, they just never clicked. He’d be soo conditioned to like girls, to be this ‘ladies man’ and has seen how gay men get treated in small town Indiana, hell, he threw hald of those fucking punches with Tommy by his side. He wasn’t the shit box he used to be, but still, the thought never occurred to him. If he sometimes thought about the tingling sensation he got when Eddie brushes up against him, or the way his stomach would drop when Eddie would flirt or tell him he looked pretty, or when his eyes would drop down to those perfectly soft looking lips that Eddie would always talk with, or when he would lay in bed and think about what it would be like to sleep beside Ed, that was all his business. And as far as he’s concerned, it’s just normal to think of your best friend in that wat, hell, he thought that way about Tommy, the only reason he didn’t think about Robin or Dustin in that way were because she was a lesbian and he was a kid… yeah, that’s why.

And so Eddie spends months pining over his best friend. So many fucking months and it hurts. It hurts his heart so much. He’d spend hours and hours crying and hating himself for it, for everything. He wished he was a girl, he wished he didn’t have the fucking burden of homosexuality, he wished he wished he wished and cried and screamed into his fucking pillow till he cried the last tear in his body and fell asleep from pure exhaustion. Robin would console him, he’d call her up, or sometimes she’d just pop over unannounced when she got that gut feeling that he might not be doing so great. He’d sulk around the trailer with stained cheeks, clutching at his chest because it ached, whilst looking for some Tylenol or a beer or something to make it go away. He’d spend afternoons with his hair tied back and his head in the toilet because he’d make himself sick with heartache. He’d go days without eating or drinking, or even playing guitar. Sometimes it got so bad his eyes would hollow out and you’d be able to see his ribs start to show. After about a year, Wayne insisted on taking Eddie to the hospital because he thought something was seriously wrong with his boy, maybe it was cancer… or aids… or something. And Eddie just broke down into his uncles arm when he was trying to drag him out the front door and told him everything, and from that day on, Wayne held a secret hatrid for Steve because how dare he not love Eddie, how fucking dare he. But it didn’t help, it was just one more person that knew about his heart wrenching feelings for Steve. So painful, so sickening because he loved Steve so, so fucking much. And he always would. And Steve could never love him back. Never.

Sometimes, he just wished he still had a mother, because mothers were supposed to be able to help no matter what. He tried talking to Ms. Henderson a couple times, to get that motherly touch, and she was sweet, but god he could never hit her with such a humiliating thing. They just didn’t have that connection. Ms. Wheeler, no, never, Nancy and Mike complained about her too much. And Joyce, Joyce seemed perfect for it, honestly. She seemed like she would actually care, and help him, but he never got the opportunity. So he was stuck with Robin, and he loved Robin, but she could only give the advice of a struggling eighteen year old lesbinan in small town Indiana, she didn’t have that mothers touch, that motherly love he so desperately craved. So he cried his feelings out to an old photo of his mother and wrote them down in song, playing them in the safe confinements of his room, and sometimes to Robin, a couple times to Wayne, and once to Max and Nancy (yes, they knew. He found it hard to keep from Nancy, and he trusted her now. And Max, well, Max was like his little sister, and she lived real close and spent a lot of time with Rob and Nance anyway).

And then it would get to seventeen months post upside down conundrum. Seventeen months of being in love with Steve. And seventeen months alone. Yeah, he had a little thing for Steve before that, actually. He sorta hated him, but he couldn’t help but stare the entirety of their senior year together… he was just such a pretty boy. And then Steve had to go and get a job at Family Video and work every Thursday night? The night that Eddie always went in to swap over his rental. And god, he just loved to watch the way Steve would smile and shake his head at something Robin said from his van before going in. or listen to Steve’s mellow voice as he recommended some terrible movie Eddie certainly would never watch but would rent anyway, because Steve recommended it. And, yeah, it was stupid, but it was ignoreable. Nothing too deep, but then Eddie was wanted for murder and Steve was actually… nice… no, sweet even? And they bonded, and fuck, Steve had gotten even hotter since highschool, all broad and man and hairy and Jesus H. Christ, Eddie was sure if the democrats didn’t kill him down there, Steve in his battle vest, biting the head off that bat would. And that’s right when he knew he was in love with him. Right then and there. And that thought excited him, and then it very quickly didn’t. And now it had been seventeen months of being secretly in love with his very straight best friend, and honestly, he wished the upside down would open him back up momentarily and swallow him whole because at least that touture would be physically painful. But now it was Halloween, Eddie’s most favourite time of year. He had planned to match his costume with Nancy, Robin and Steve, going as this cartoon Dustin really liked. The ‘Scooby Gang’ it was called, it was all Dustins idea, but they liked it. Steve was going as Fred, Nancy went as Velma, Robin went as Shaggy, and Eddie went as Daphne as a bit of a gag. They were so excited with all the planning. But then Steve went and pulled at Eddie’s heartstrings by asking to invite some girl along to their party. And then Eddie hit rock bottom, he felt stupid for it, really, but fuck it hurt his heart too much. And he hadn’t left his bed in days. No one had been able to get through to him, and Robin had dropped in one evening with the key Wayne had given her, and let him cry to her once more. But tonight was Halloween, and Eddie was MIA, and the party was getting worried. And so, when Robin told them he was just having a hard time at the moment, they decided to bring Halloween night to him. So, after Wayne left for work, they snuck into the trailer and very quietly set up some decorations and prepared a couple of Eddie’s Halloween favs (Rocky Horrors Halloween appro, right?), and splayed out some snacks and sodas and beers and all sat down in their stupid costumes. Robin got up to go retrieve Eddie, and Steve grabbed her by the arm, insisting he go instead since theyre best friends and all, but Robin put a stop to that. She knew Eddie would never forgive her for letting Steve see him like that, see him hurting like that. So, she told him Eddie already knew she was coming and pushed down to his bedroom, closing the door behind her and sitting on the side of Eddie’s bed as she shook his shoulder gently, whispering to him.

“Eddie…” she shook him again, “Dingus Number Two… Munson… Freak… Eddieeee.”

He groaned and rolled over to look at her, rubbing his eyes, “Whaddaya wan’t, Birdie?”

She’d sigh and smile, “Max and Nancy are here, we wanna have a movie night… we’re watching Rocky Horror.”

He’d lift his eyebrows, “Wheeler is willing to watch ‘the atrocity’ that is Rocky?”

Robin grinned, “She’d do anything I tell her,” she poked his shoulder, “and I know you really need a good night with some friends.”

He sighed, “Alright, gimme a minute to put some clothes on?”

“Obviously,” She scoffed, “your watching a movie with two gay women and a minor, no underwear please.”

He’d laugh and roll onto his back as she slipped out of the room and signalled for Nancy to load up one of Eddie’s favourite mixtapes he had made, on low volume so as to not raise suspicion. He’d crawl out of bed and grab a pair of grey sweats off the ground that he had disguareded last night that just happened to be Steves that he left there last week, and then walked over to his cupboard and pulled out that yellow sweater of Steves as well that he had nabbed a few weeks ago. He’d grab the claw clip he had stolen from Nancy and tied his hair back loosely, something he would only do around the girls, and walked out in his mismatched socks, still yawning and pulling the jumper properly on as he was emerging towards the kitchen. And when Steve caught sight of Eddie’s midriff, of his happy trail, of what was left of the tattoo on his waist, of their matching scars, his mind short circuiting was his own business, no one else’s. And then when he had noticed that Eddie was dressed in his clothes, it was even worse… okay, maybe it was his dicks business too since it seemed to like it so much. And then as Eddie finally pried open his eyes all the way he saw them all sitting there with happy smiles in their silly costumes and Steve… of fuck, Steve. He crossed his arms over his chest in a feeble attempt to hide the jumper, sending a mean glare at Robin for lying whilst growing pink in the cheeks, before forcing a big smile and greeting them all… subtly pulling the claw clip from his hair and pocketing it but not before Steve noticed.

The night was pretty chill overall. They sat around and talked for a while, sharing snacks and ordering a pizza in to eat whilst watching Rocky Horror. The kids always had a way of lightening Eddie’s mood, but he’d never admit such a thing to them, no way. The movie was well past finished now, the television switched off, another mixtape of Eddie’s playing and they all sat around just talking, joking and laughing.

Dustin spoke up with a rather odd suggestion, “How about a game of spin the bottle?”

Steve deadpanned him, “Don’t you have a girlfriend, Henderson? Or are you finally admitting that shes fake?”

“And were all adults, you guys are like ten.” Robin added.

“Well, were not gonna play normal spin the bottle… not really.” Dustin shook his head, “How about, if it lands on two single people of the same age group, they kiss. If it lands on someone who’s in a relationship or someone of a different age group, you have to tell them a secret?”

Nancy & Robin, Jonathan & Argyle, and Will & Mike all shared awkward glancess. None of them were out, not really, only to a few select people so they just hoped that the bottle didn’t land on anyone they had to kiss. And Eddie prayed that it wouldn’t land on Steve, he didn’t think he would be able to deal with that. Not after seventeen months of loving him all on his lonesome.

And so, a little reluctantly, the game began. Dustin spun first, since it was his idea, and he landed on Max, so he shared a quick secret with her and she gave him a very strange look. Then, after brushing that off, she spun the bottle and it landed on Lucas who she happily gave a little kiss. He spun, and it landed on Will, he knew all about Will and Mike (Though, Mike did not know that Lucas knew). Mike tensed, panic flooding him and he was a little unsure as to why his boyfriend wasn’t freaking out either, but when Lucas crawled over to share a secret, he remembered that Max and Lucas were in fact dating. Will was gonna tease him for that one later. Will took the bottle next, giving it a good spin until it landed on Jonothat, and so he leant over and whispered in his brothers ear, “I know about you and Argyle.”

Jonathan went red, and looked over to his boyfriend and smiled sweetly at his brother with a nod before he spun the bottle too. His spin landed on Nancy… and it was awkward. They both shuffled towards one another, and neither of them liked the situation one bit, neither did their significant others, and neither did Eddie, who knew about both relationships, “Just kiss on the cheek,” Eddie suggested whilst fiddling with his rings, he was anxious, “you guys have weird history, a kiss on the cheek is fine.”

And they both gave him a very grateful smile before pecking each other on the cheek and crawling back beside their partners, back to safety. And Nancy took the bottle and the spin landed on Robin. They giggled excitedly and gave eachother a sweet little peck, and then Robin spun it and it landed on Mike. She crawled over to him, and whispered into his ear with a knowing smile, “I like girls.”

And Mike took a deep breath and looked at her wide eyed with a sweet smile, the room suddenly feeling that little bit safer. And she nodded and crawled back to her spot. Mike spun the bottle and it landed on Will. He began to panic, yeah he felt safe kissing Will, but not around anyone, not anyone at all. The only person to know about him possibly being into dudes was Eddie, when he came rambling to him one night in a panic attack after breaking up with El, and they never talked about it again. And so when he nervously leant in, Will just as frightened, though, a little less so, and they gave eachother a little peck, Mikes heart was drumming in his chest. But it didn’t seem to bother anyone at all. No one cared that two boys just kissed. Not a single soul, so they let themselves relax a little. WIll spun then, and it landed on El, so he shared a quick secret with her since theyre siblings… and then El landed on Argyle so she did the same. And her secret had him nodding and smiling and praising her, ‘way to go, man’, which had everyone entirely confused.

And then Argyle spun the bottle and it landed on Jonathan. They kissed a little too passionately, but everyone laughed… the people that didn’t know just assumed it was a joke and thought maybe they were a little high (which they were), and the people that did just found it funny. And then Johnnothan spun, and it landed on Robin. They both lent in for an awkward peck that was very fast and they barely touched and Robin almost grimaced from it. And after shaking that off, Robin spun the bottle and it landed on Eddie. He gave her a big grin, laying the theatrics on thick as per usual. He crawled over with such eagerness and knelt in front of her and smirked, which had people giggling because Eddie and Robin were definitely dating… right? He cupped her cheeks, subtly pressing his thumbs over her lips to create a barricade between him as he pulled her in for an aggressive ‘kiss’, their lips never touching. He held her there for a moment, both struggling not to laugh and he pulled back with a smack of his dry lips, and he laughed, “Damn, Birdie, wish I knew you were such a good kisser, would have been doing that for monthsss.”

That comment had Robin, Nancy, Max, Will, Jonathan and Argule fucking howling. Steve - and the rest of the gang, but mostly Steve - utterly confused as to what was so hilarious it had them crying. After pulling themselves together, Eddie reached for the bottle with a smile, the last remnants of laughter clinging to him as he wiped at a tear, anxiety gone for the moment, and he spun. Him and Robin shared a weird look, their strange form of conversation, as the bottle spun and found themselves laughing some more about something no one else understood, but they didn’t care. And then there were some oohs, and ahhs. Eddie whipped his head over to Dustin and Mike who were pumping their eyebrows at him weirdly, and he turned to look down at the bottle. His heart dropped and his smile faltered, his eyes followed the bottle up to Steve, and he just stared for a moment. He could feel Robin’s gaze burning into him from the side, her heart ached for him. He clenched his jaw, fists forming in his lap and he wanted to cry. His first spin of the night and of course it lands on Steve. Fuck you universe.

“Well, you gonna give me a kiss or not?” Steve asked, and he began to feel a little strange… Eddie seemed so eager to play before, did Steve repulse him or something?

Eddie shook his head and swallowed, slowly crawling his way over to Steve. He really didn’t want to kiss him, he couldn’t deal with that. He’s thought about kissing Steve every singe day for almost two years and now he had to do it for a stupid game of spin the bottle? A stiupid, meaningless game? No, no way. He looked over to Robin, a cry for help, but she didn’t know how to help him either. They could’t pull the gay card, they couldn’t pull the ‘Eddie just doesn’t want to kiss anyone card, and they most certainly couldn’t just be honest about the whole situation. So Eddie had to suck it up and just kiss him. At least it meant he got to get a hint of Steve, right? A quick little taste? No matter how painful, Eddie had been dreaming of it. Eddie knelt in front of Steve now, and smiled at him shakily, he was so hesitant.

“Come on,” Steve grinned, poking Eddie’s shoulder, “you’re always saying I got kissable lips, Ed’s, saying I’m gonna kill the girls with them. Don’t you wanna try for yourself?”

And holy fuck that made everything worse. The one fucking time Steve flirted with him, it was in a meaningless game of spin the bottle where nothing mattered… but that’s not true because everything mattered. Eddie half heartedly laughs, and the room goes tense. Obviously something is off. Steve starts to grow worried, nerves flying and looks at Eddie whilst biting his lip, “You okay?”

Eddie shakes his head, “Ah, yeah… just, never kissed a boy before.” not entirely true, he’s just never kissed anyone he’s had feelings for, letalone someone hes been this fucking in love with. That was a good enough excuse though.

“Oh, well… same.” Steve smiled with a shrug, “So, lay it on me, Munson. I expect the same treatment as Buckley over there.”

Well, there is no way in fuck he was getting that. Eddie forced a laugh and smiled, leaning forward slightly. His hands both found purchase on Steve’s lower thighs, to give himself some stability, and he dug his fingers in deep. His body rattled with anxiety, and he swallowed, taking a shaky breath as he closed his eyes and pulled himself in closer, his grip tightening on Steve’s thighs. Steve furrowed his brow, he didn’t really understand why Eddie was so nervous, he was sure there were gonna be bruises on his thighs now. He watched as Eddie closed his eyes and leaned closer, catching a glimpse of a very worried Robin over his shoulder. She looked almost just as pained as Eddie did, just as… hurt. Steve looked back at Eddie and suddenly, he felt just as nervous. Not only were those same nerves coming into play that arose every time Eddie came close, but they were worse because Eddie was actually about to kiss him, and he was worried about it. Suddenly, Steve wasn’t so sure kissing Eddie was a good idea… but he wanted to. So, so bad. And then Eddie’s lips were on his, and it was just for a second. But in that second, Steve had managed to push himself harder against Eddie in hopes of keeping him there for a little while longer because kissing Eddie was… good. But kissing Steve was frightening. So, so frightening. And it hurts. Because his lips were just as soft as Eddie had dreamed and it was all for a fucking game. It tugged at Eddie’s heartstrings… no, a fucking hammer came face first with his heart and shattered it right there. Because that was all he was ever gonna get from Steve, and it was everything and nothing all at once. He wanted to throw up. He opened his eyes to find Steves twinkling back at him, his soft smile, the delicate crease around his eyes, and holy fuck Eddie couldn’t handle this anymore. He didn’t care what this next move would do, what it would give away, he didn’t care about anything or anyone. And so, as a small tear dripped from his eye, he rushed off to his room and slammed the door behind him, flinging himself under the covers and crying into Steve’s jumper.

Steve sat there for a moment, he was frozen. His brain struggled to catch up with the whole situation but he was sort of smiling. He let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, and his fingers brushed over his lips, pulling at them gently, at the place where Eddie used to be as he stared at the absent space Eddie had just filled. Eddie had just kissed him, wearing his sweats and his jumper, and he just kissed him. And he was terrified to kiss him. He was so scared he was digging his fingers deep into Steve’s thighs as his body trembled. He thought for a moment. He thought that maybe guys don’t just flirt with each other so much… maybe that was just…. He looked over at Robin who was marching her way towards Eddie’s room.

“Robin,” Steve called out, and she turned to look at him, “is he-”

She shook her head sternly and sighed before pushing into Eddie’s room. Now everyone was confused. Nancy grabbed Steve by the hand, pulling him to his feet and dragging him out the front door. Max followed suit, grabbing the pack of Eddies smokes and a lighter off the coffee table on the way, and shut the door behind them.

“Well… that was weird.” Dustin commented when the little group was left in silence.

‘“Did…” Lucas started, “anyone else think that was sorta… gay?”

There were a few awkward nods shared before El spoke up, “What is… gay?”

Will turned cherry red at that, and Jonothan swooped in with an answer, “Ah, it’s where two boys like eachother… or two girls.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know how you and Mike used to like each other, and would want to kiss…” Dustin added, “It’s like that but with two girls or two guys instead.”

“Is this… not normal?” She quirked an eyebrow.

“Ah, no, not really.” Will shrugged, “A lot of people don’t like gay people… they get beat up for it… for being different.”

“Oh,” El nodded and furrowed her eyebrows, “but you and Mike do the gay all the time.”

Both Mike and Will tensed as all eyes fell on them, Dustin practically screamed, “What?”

“Way to go dudes.” Argyle was nodding with a smile, reaching for a high five which they awkwardly gave.

“Ah…” Will chuckled nervously and looked over at Mike who was bordering a panic attack, “No-”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us! Friends don’t lie, guys.” Dustin shouted again.

“I knew.” Lucas shrugged.

“What?” Mike whipped his head to Will, “You told him?”

“He was the first person I ever came out to, and he wouldn’t stop bugging me about my things for you so I just told him, I’m sorry!”

“Wait, you told Lucas before you told me?” Jonathan asked, a little disappointed.

“Sorry-”

“And why are you dating Mike, of all people-”

“Hey!” Mike shook his head.

“When did that happen?”

“Right after El and him broke up-”

“That long?” Dustin screached, “Jesus christ, I feel betrayed, seriously guys.”

“Tell me about it.” Jonathan rolled his eyes, “And I can’t believe your dating Mike… he’s like-”

“Can you stop hating me, please?” Mike added.

“He will not, ever.” El smiled, “You made me and Will cry. It is Jonathan’s job to hate you, he said.”

After Robin slipped into Eddie’s room and sat beside him on the bed, he crawled his way into her arms, soaking the shoulder of her shirt with his tears, biting back his urge to scream in agony. She didn’t know how to help him, she didn’t know what to do. She felt guilty, like, she could have stopped them from kissing somehow, some way. Eddie just felt stupid, and utterly embaressed. It was just a stupid kiss, to everyone in that room it was just a stupid kiss and he could have played it off as nothing more and left the crying for later in the night. But no, no, seventeen months is too long to be in love without a single hint of that love being reciprocated. Any ounce if it is gonna make his heart swell and beat out of his chest, and if it wasn’t genuine, well, that was gonna tear him apart. And it did. It did tear him apart and now he thought he’d never be able to look his stupid, pretty best freind in the eye again because not only had he made a fool of himself by being so anxious and running away, he kissed him. He kissed him and now nothing would be the same because from that one second of a kiss, that ghost of a touch, that flicker of a taste, he was addicted and he needed more. He needed it badly and if he were too look Steve in the eyes again, he probably wouldn’t be able to hold himself back. And yes, it was greedy, it was so fucking greedy. But maybe he deserved to be a little greedy, maybe just this once. He’d never been greedy before. His heart wanted to be worse than greedy.

Outside on the little porch, Max lit the cigarette and shoved it between Steve’s lips for him, knowing he’d need a distresser, just like Eddie usually did. He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head in thought. Nancy folded her arms over her chest and sighed, “Steve… there’s not any chance your gay, is there?”

Steve’s eyes darted up at her mid smoke, he choked on the bitter taste caught in his throat. He’d never thought about it before, but, he knew for a fact boys didn’t just walk around wanting to kiss other boys, wanting to kiss their best friends like that, “Gay- I… I don’t know? No-”

“I didn’t know I was.” She shrugged, trying to give him some sense of comfort in the whole thing.

“But you’re- you’re different.”

She deadpanned him, “How?”

“Your a girl.” He furrowed his brow softly, taking a long drag.

“So what?” Max scoffed, “It’s all the same.”

“No-”

“It took kissing Robin to actually confirm it for me.” Nancy smiled up at him, “Yeah, I had my suspicions but then she just kissed me and I knew that’s definitely what I wanted… have you ever thought about Eddie like that before?”

“I- I don’t-”

“Nancy’s nice, I’m not.” Max grinned up at him, cocking her head to the side, “Were not dumb, Steve. That was a very homosexual reaction to Eddie kissing you. You tried to kiss him harder, you froze, you gasped, you touched your lips, you took a long time to process it… the whole nine yards.”

“But, I’m not- I like girls.”

“And I like guys,” Nancy suggested, “I also like girls, it’s a thing… It can happen. You can like both.”

“Both?”

“Have you thought about kissing Eddie like that, Steve? Before?”

Steve shook his head, “No, not- not really.”

“What do you mean?” Max nudged his side with a hopeful smirk.

“I- he’s just… he’s my best friend.”

Nancy gave Max a confused glance before turning back to Steve, “Okay… have you ever thought about, maybe… doing things you do with girls… with Eddie?”

Steve swallowed thickly and Nancy grabbed his hand, “Have you ever-” Steve snapped his hand away, and Nancy took a second before continuing, “Have you ever thought about… sleeping with him, or kissing him, or… cuddling with him… maybe, something like that?”

“I-” Steve scratched the place between his brow with his thumb, cigarette between his fingers still, “I don’t know, Nancy.”

“Okay, okay, Steve,” She tried to calm him, “It’s okay if you have. We’re both more than okay with it, you’re safe here. It’s safe, okay?”

“O- okay.” He swallowed and nodded slowly, “Okay.”

Max lightly kicked his shin as he took another drag of his smoke, “I always thought you blushed a little too much around him to be straight. And… remember that time I caught you sporting his Hellfire tee whilst checking yourself out in the mirror?”

Nancy let out a little laugh as he dropped his head in shame, pinching the bridge of his nose and he leant back against the door, “Fuck,” he looked back up at the girls who wore hopeful looks, “is Eddie…?”

They swallowed and shook their heads, “We don’t know, sorry.” a lie, but they weren’t just gonna out Eddie.

“I thought he had a thing for Robin.” He shrugged in a half mumble to himself.

“No,” Nancy snorted, “that’s platonic with a capital P.”

“Okay,” he sighed and let his mind wander. He thought back to the kiss they just shared, how it made him feel… a whole string of things really. He tried to deepen it, but Eddie pulled away… why? He thought about how he really needed it to happen again, he could still feel Eddie on his lips. It felt really good, “I think I like Eddie.”

The girls shared hopeful glances at one another before putting their game faces back on, Nancy took the lead, “You think, or you know?”

Steve thought for a moment, a long moment. He thought back through the past year and a half, how ever since the upside down he’s had this pull towards the boy. Hes had this need to be close to him constantly, how he craved the smell of him (even though it’s just cheap cologne, cigarettes, a little three in one shampoo, occasionally some weed, laundry detergent on the earlier days of the week… it was just so… Eddie), how he likes it a lot when Eddies close by and how it makes him tingle when they touch. He thought about those night when he wished Eddie was laying beside him, nursing him to sleep in his arms, or those niughs when hed wake up in a cold sweat and wish Eddie were there to hold him and reassure im it was just a dream. He thought about kissing Eddie again. He thought about kissing him harde, and longer, maybe even holding him closer and feeling his body pressed flush against his own. He took another smoke, picturing Eddie for a little longer, his eyes fixed on the gravel in front of his parked car, a small smile curled absentmindedly on his lips. He thought back to Eddie walking out of his room tonight, when Steve gaught a glimpse of his happy trail, and his pale skin and what was left of that sick tattoo he had on his waiiste under his scars… the matching scars they had (even though the thought of romantisizing their trauma was slightly fucked up but, ahhh, anuthing to connect himself to Eddie). He thought about how when he did see that, see Eddie in his clothes, and his midriff, a little blood rushed to his cock. And he thought about Eddie, and how he was inside right now, still dressed in Steves clothes, right after kissing him, and how he needed to excuse himself afterwards because to Eddie… that kiss was more than just a mere kiss of spin the bottle. No. for the first time in his goddnamned fucking life, Steve didn’t feel so oblivious, well… he was second guessing himself of course, no, the idea that Eddie wanted to kiss Steve so much it made his whole body shake was just too good of a thought. So yes, he second guessed himself even though there was no heterrosexual explanation for Eddies behaviour tonight, “Why did he leave, then?”

“What?” Max asked.

“After he kissed me, why did he leave?” He had to be sure, he didn’t want to make a fool of himself in front of Eddie. No, he could never. He needed to look good in front of Eddie. He needed to look Steve in front of Eddie.

“I really don’t know, Steve.” Nancy lied.

Steve nodded, “I know I like Eddie.”

Max grinned and looked over at Nancy, who was grinning just the same, before turning back to Steve, “You should probably talk to him, Steve.”

“Yeah-” He fiddled with the smoke between his fingers, still feeling a little dazed and confused with the whole realisation, “Yeah, I probably should.”

He pushed himself off the door and back inside, down towards Eddie’s room. The girls grabbed each other by the hands from a moment and squeezed, doing a minni celebratory dance because OhMyFuckingGod! SomethingWasFinallyHappening! And they giddily, and hope filled, ran inside, following Steve down the little hallway to Eddie’s room. He didn’t even think to knock before flinging the door open. It was hard to see, since his room was dark, the only light let in was from the doorway now. Steve felt his chest tighten at the sight before him, at Robin stroking Eddie’s hair as he cried into her shoulder. And his cries sounded so broken. Like he’d gone through this one too many times and he was just… empty. And he was. He was so, so lost, and so, so empty. Robin looked up at the doorway, her grip around Eddie tightening as she noticed Steve with her tear filled eyes. Steve swallowed and dropped the doorknob from his hand as Eddie looked up, his sobs quieting. His face was pale, so, so pale - save the red of his cheeks and nose - and his eyes were bloodshot and heavy and his lashes were glued together by his tears, and his cheeks and lips were wet from crying and his nose was a little snotty and his hair was a mess, but Steve still thought he was so pretty. And he couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of Robin because he would give anything to be the one Eddie confided in when he was hurting, he’d give anything to be the one to stroke his hair and assure him that things would get better, even if they wouldn’t. Eddie tensed and turned away, wiping at his tears, a few sparse sobbs leaving his lips as he did. He really didn’t need Steve to see him like this. It only made him more embarrassed. Nancy pushed past Steve and grabbed Robin by the arm, prying her away from Eddie. Prying his safety net away until it was gone. She was gone and now it was just Eddie and Steve in the dark, dark room, the door shut behind them, and both of them dressed in Steve’s clothes. Steve was the first to speak, and it was quick, unexpected almost, “Are-”

“Sorry,” Eddie sniffled and wiped the last of his tears away, “sorry, I just… I don’t know why I’m crying, it’s stupid.”

“I’m sorry.” Steve was cautious, he didn’t want to move in case he scared Eddie, he was scared himself.

“Why are you sorry?” Eddie turned back to face him, though it was still hard to see in the darkness of the room. He brought his knees to his chest, still tucked under his messy blanket, trying his best to hide Steve’s yellow sweater.

“I-“ Steve shook his head, “I obviously did something wrong, can we talk about that, please?” He sounded sincere and genuine, and sweet and compassionate.

God no, never. You could never do anything wrong.

“No.” Eddie shook his head and sighed, his eyes glancing away from Steve, it was too hard to look at him for too long, it made his heart ache, “I’ve just been… glum, lately.”

Steve slowly nodded, “Glum?”

Eddie nodded too, but he didn’t say anything. But the brief look he gave Steve, with those big, dark, desperate eyes was enough for Steve to at least half understand. Well, he hoped he did anyway. He hated being oblivious. Especially when it was hurting his Eddie so much.

“So, it wasn’t because I took your first kiss with a dude?” Steve shuffled in his spot, fingers twitching to only then realise he still had the cigarette in his hand. It had burnt down and the hot end of it was almost at his fingers, the ash discarded to a small pile on Eddie’s carpet, the thick smell of smoke lingered in the air. Though, that wasn’t very different from the usual state of this room. He lifted his hand, looking at the cigarette and then around the room for somewhere to put it out. Eddie grabbed the ashray from beside his bed and held it out for Steve to use, his eyes fixed on the smoke rather than the boy himself. Steve began to walk over as Eddie responded, trying to sound casual.

“No, course not.”

Steve stubbed his cigarette out in the tray and exhaled slowly, Eddie placed it back on the bedside, and Steve kept his feet glued to the carpet. He didn’t want to step away, he wanted to get closer, to hold Eddie and to kiss him and to assure him that all this hurt… whatever it may be, would dissipate eventually. But he didn’t do that, he was afraid, and so was Eddie. So he stood there, his hands now resting on his hips, “Then…” he shrugged, his head tipped to the side as he did, and Eddie finally met his eyes, “why are you so tense?”

Eddie hugged himself tighter, his thighs pressed flush against his torso and he rested his chin on his knees, looking into the empty space of his cluttered room ahead, rather than beside him at Steve. He couldn’t lie to his face, he just couldn’t bear it. He wasn’t lying, per say, but he definitely wasn’t being honest and that was just as hard, “Uhm… I don’t know.”

Steve didn’t like the thought of making Eddie so tense, so nervous, so… uncomfortable. So, he opted to ease the conversation a little, an attempt to lighten the mood and ease his way into the reality of it. The reality of his feelings and hopefully Eddie’s shared ones, “You were grabbin me so hard I think you left some bruises behind.”

Eddie looked up at him again, his eyes were wide and his cheeks were red. He looked terrified, embarrassed… pretty. Always so pretty. Eddie bit his lip and shook his head slightly, he wanted to cry again, “I’m sorry.”

He had really expected Ed to make some filthy joke or flirtatious comment, as per usual, but no. no he just… apologised. He realised that the gravity of this situation was really weighing Eddie down because humour was Eddie’s go to deflecting mechanism in vulnerable times, he hated being vulnerable. He was always using humour, but now he… he just couldn’t bring himself too? Because it was too… painful?… too real?, “It’s okay…” he shrugged, he wanted to make Eddie laugh, to make him smile or even blush, so, he tried to make a joke instead, “I like havin’ bruises on my things anyway.” he winked at him.

He swore he saw Eddie’s nose flare and his eye twitch, though he thought that could have been the dark playing tricks with his mind, his sight had really faltered after all those concussions. But he was right, Eddie’s nose did flare and his eye did twitch because why the fuck was the one time Steve making some flirtatious comment now? The one time Eddie didn’t want to joke or flirt, Steve did? That burned his chest. It felt like someone had gone and shoved a flaming hot iron spike down his thought and through his insides, burning his flesh inside out, torturing him, killing him so, so slowly. He swallowed thickly, he held his body taught to prevent from shaking so visibly, “Right.”

Steve stiffened, he really did not want that reaction. He thought it may ease Eddie into a more lighthearted setting, making talking about their feelings less intimidating. But no, clearly Eddie was hurting too much for that, and Steve hated that he was the one hurting Eddie like that. He had always made it his priority, ever since that poor cheerleader died on that humid March night, to protect Eddie, to shield him, to make sure he was okay. To make sure he was safe. And right now, Steve was making Eddie feel the opposite of safe, “Sorry.”

Eddie glanced at Steve, just for a moment before fixing his chin safely on his knees again, his hair falling around his face, creating a little cave to hide in. He began to grow irritated, his emotions were flooding him and he wanted to break down again. He needed Robin, or Nancy, or Max, or Wayne, or literally anyone in the world, because his heart was constricting in his chest and making him weak. Making him fragile and vain. Rendering him nothing more than the Freak who cried after kissing a boy in a game of spin the bottle, “Why are you apologising?” his tone was harsh, and sharp, he was deflecting, he didn’t have the energy for compassion now.

Steve took a small step back, he didn’t want to irritate him anymore, “I don’t-”

“Look, it’s real sweet of you to apologise, even though you don’t even know what happened. But i’m clearly not in the mood for dirty jokes or you right now, so please, can you-”

“I thought I was your best friend?” Steve’s words were barely a whisper, they were dripping with hurt, but Eddie heard them. He heard them, and it just hurt his heart so much more. Because he was Eddie’s best friend and he hated pushing him away, he hated that his mood now was hurting Steve even slightly and he hated himself so much for neglecting Steve for the past week. But the fact that Steve was his best friend, was the reason he had been neglecting him, why he was coming across so harsh now. Because Eddie had him so, so close, all the time, and yet, he was so fucking far. And god it fucking cut him deeper than any knife, or any fucking flesh eating demobat ever could. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment, and he took a deep breath, composing himself just enough to say these next words,

“You are-”

“Then why don’t you want me around?” Steve’s tone was sharper now, and he took that little step forward which made Eddie flinch. Steve immediately recoiled his actions.

Because I’m fucking in love with you, Goddnammnit.

“Because!” Eddie threw an arm out in hopes that a reasonable explanation would fly right into his hand, he hesitated for a moment, letting his mind wander when nothing came, “because… Steve.” He took a deep breath, his tone softened again, he refused to look at him, “You’re the reason I’m in this ‘mood’, of course I don’t want you around.”

“So…” Steve relaxed his shoulders, taking in a shaky breath as he tipped his head to get a better look at Eddie, shying away, “it was because of our kiss then?” he swallowed. He had kissed Eddie… and Eddie was upset about it… mad about it, even?

Eddie looked up at him, and he really didn’t mean to say that, or imply that because now he had given too much away. He felt his chest tighten some more and he brought a hand to clutch at his heart in hopes of leaviating some of the ache there. His doe eyes were wide on Steve as they just searched his face, praying that Steve would speak instead. But he didn’t, he just looked at Eddie, searching his eyes for an answer, and so Eddie let out a hefty sigh, “Fine, you got me.”

Steve nodded, his feet glued in place as he wobbled a little, arms folding across his chest as he took a deep breath. Once again, Stevies blatant obliviousness was coming into play because he thought that he had absolutely grossed Eddie out with that kiss, because that was the most reasonable explanation, right? Obviously he would be repulsed because Eddie’t not gay… and even if he was, why would he ever want to kiss Steve? Sure, girls wanted to kiss him all the time, he was a good looking guy, he knew that, but that’s all they wanted. They wanted physical, any time he tried to get to the meaningful with him they’d just turn away and try to blow him instead. And so, why would Eddie want to kiss him at all? Because being gay in Hawkins didn’t really leave room for meaningless gay sexual encounters, it was too risky, especially with your best friend. So yes, obviously Eddie was so shaken up and disgusted with kissing Steve that he had to leave the room, because that just made the most sense… didn’t it? He was so, so sorry, “What about it?” he just needed to know because he was clining to that slight slither of hope that it could have been because Eddie really did want to kiss him, and was just scared of his feelings. He prayed it was that one so much, “Because I’m a guy? Or because it was with me?”

Eddie hung his head down low, his forehead now resting against the tops of his knees, his fringe awkwardly pressed between. His breath fell heavy, his eye began to water and he wanted to scream and shove Steve out of the room and cry… and god he wanted to kiss Steve even more. He felt so full of shame as he mumbled, “Both.”

Steve nodded, he stumbled on his words a little, a spike of fear travelling up his spine, “You’re not… your not homo- homophobic… are you?”

Eddie squinted his eyes, peering up at the boy with a sense of uncertainty and confusion, “No… of course not…” he forgot how oblivious Steve could be some times, too many hits to the head, that made Eddie’s heart drop a little lower, “Of course now, you know I know about Rob and Nance.”

“Right, yeah, of course.” Steve nodded, scratching his chin as he searched for the words, “It’s just that… they have never explicitly said they were dating… or really even kissed in front of the both of us, so… i thought maybe you might-”

“Sometimes your obliviousness baffles me, Steven.” Eddie sighed and hid his head back on his knees, “Look, Steve,” Steve didn’t like how Eddie’s profound use of nicknames were not being used in this entire conversation, “I’m kind of having a moment here… clearly, so I would just appreciate it if you left me to my lonesome. Maybe you could get Rob on the way back out so I can cry to her some more because you’re really cramping my style right now.”

There was the humour Steve was so desperately searching for before, only now it felt… yucky. Like a sour taste in both of their mouths. A sour taste that Steve felt the need to sweeten. He took a little step closer, his voice dripped with compassion and had such a soft, tender tone to it. It’s the voice he’d use after consoling one of the kids or Robin after a panic attack, “You still want to cry?”

Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose, his head slightly raised now and he gritted his teeth, “God, Steve!”

He took a shaky breath, his heart pulling at his chest as it tightened, and he sat down on the edge of the bed, right beside Eddie. He sat by Eddie’s feet, his knee resting on the mattress at Eddie’s side, the other hanging off the edge as he faced him. And he placed a tender hand on Eddie’s forearm with a gentle smile. Their eyes fixed on one other, Eddie’s heart practically leapt out of his chest. They let themselves get lost in eachothers eyes for just a moment, just the slightest moment but goodness, it was such a beautiful moment. Steve tilted his head a little, his hair lightly bouncing with the movement in the way that always made Eddie feel giddy and love sick. And a small tear worked its way from Eddie’s eye, which he was quick to wipe away with a hefty ounce of shame. Steve took another deep breath, this one a little less shaky then the last, “You can cry to me if you want.”

Eddie sat still, almost frozen in place as he watched Steve extend his arms out with a small shrug, inviting Eddie in. and god, maybe it was fucking selfish but who fucking cared at this point, Eddie would take what he could fucking get. He just wanted to find that warm safety in Steve’s arms, to hold him close, to listen to his heartbeat and smell him. And so, with a little hesitation, Eddie folded. He really couldn’t hold back any longer. The emotions fell heavy, like a dark cloud hung over his head, waiting to bucket down with freezing rain and hail, for the thunder to crash and beat in his chest and for the lightning to strike. And so, he lowered his knees, letting himself sit on top of them now as he shuffled towards Steve like a measly little five year old who had scraped their knee after falling off their bike, and let Steve pull him tight into his arms. Eddie hugged himself tight, his hands gripping at the soft, yellow jumper that no longer smelt like Steve, as the boy he loved so much splayed one hand flat across his back and the other on his shoulder as he cradled Eddie close. His nose brushed up against the top of Eddie’s head, and he let himself breathe in Eddie’s scent as he kept him safe there. Steve let himself wonder in that moment, how he had never let himself wonder like that before. Maybe it was his father, maybe it was Tommy, maybe it was Hawkins as a whole that had stopped him from having those same thoughts about boys that he had about girls. But god, right now, he knew that those thoughts about Eddie felt more right than anything. More safe, more sure. His heart ached in his chest because he knew he was undeserving. This was just God’s way of punishing him for hurting Eddie before, wasn’t it? Some fucked up sadistic way of punishment for hurting Eddie, for hurting Nancy, for hurting everyone in his past. Punishing him by making him find such deep love or adoration for these people in his life, and know that he would never, ever be good enough for them. And it stung. But that wouldn’t change anything, ever. No, he will protect Nancy, till the day he dies, even though she definitely did not need his protection. He would protect Robin till the day he died, even though he hasn’t let her down yet, not really. And he would most definitely protect Eddie till the day he died and longer, because Eddie needed someone to protect him, to love him, and to care for him from the sidelines and watch him grow. And god forbid, Steve would let anyone else take that role. No, that was his role. And whilst a life without being able to kiss Eddie sounded like absolute tourture now, he would accept it, because as long as Eddie was happy, and safe, and smiling… Well that’s all Steve ever wanted for the boy. Steve tightened his grip around Eddie, his cheek pressed against the top of his dark mass of tangles and he stroked the ends of them so softly and listened as Eddie cried. He felt his shirt dampen on his chest, he felt Eddie’s hot breath there, he felt Eddie’s body shake and jolt in his grip, and he just held him tighter, whispering calming affirmations in an attempt to settle him. His heart ached for Eddie, he just wished he could stop the hurt somehow. Eddie had so much pain in his heart it ached his entire body. He felt frail and breakable and like he couldn’t move or his limb would simply snap off. His heart weighed so heavy in his chest his body had to slump forward to be able to support it. There was a loud thump in his head and a ringing in his ears that blocked out the heart wrenching sounds of his cries. His cries for Steve, the boy he loved, the boy who was holding him close and stroking his hair and telling him it would be okay. Steve felt his own tears falling now, and he pressed a soft kiss to the top of Eddie’s head. And Eddie tensed, his jaw clenched, his fists tightened and his heart felt like it was being sliced in half with an axe. Steve felt this shift in Eddie, and so he took a steady breath and decided to speak, “Do you want to talk about it, Eddie?”

Of course he didn’t. God no, of course he didn’t it would hurt him so, so much. But, if not now, then when? How long would he have to suffer like this if he didn’t just… be honest. At least, if Steve was repulsed by the reality of Eddie’s feelings he would walk away, and then Eddie wouldn’t have to look at his stupid, pretty face every other day or listen to the soft sound of his voice and continually have his heart ripped out. And plus, he knew if he didn’t give an answer now, Steve would keep pestering him until he gave an honest one, “I didn’t want to kiss you, Steve.” was all he could muster up the courage and energy to say.

That was like a hammer to his heart, but he swallowed the lump in his throat and sniffled until his tears stopped, “No?”

Eddie shook his head, still tucked safely into Steve’s chest, no, looking at him would make everything a whole lot harder, “It wasn’t my first kiss with a dude, you know? I kissed em before in stupid games of spin the bottle and stuff… I’ve just never kissed someone that… counted… someone that meant something to me.”

Steve tensted, and Eddie felt it, he freaked out a little. Steve took a deep breath and continued to speak, “Like… your best friend? Or do you mean…”

Eddie took a deep breath too now, “I’ve kissed Gareth before… he’s my best friend. That didn’t bother me one bit, it was just… it was just a stipid kiss with him.”

Steve bit his lip and stroked Eddie’s hair again, trying to soothe him as he felt Eddie’s cries start to deepen again, “Are you… do-” he sighed heavily, just fucking say it Steve, “Are you gay, Eddie?”

Eddie began to cry harder and he buried himself deeper into Steve’s chest, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, don’t hate me, please.”

That made Steve’s heart twist in his chest, hate you? Hate you? Fuck, Eddie i could never hate you. He licked his lips and forced his nerves down, “And did you not want to kiss me because your gay… or because,” he played with the ends of Eddie’s hair as he spoke, “you like me?”

Eddie sat back up now, pulling away from Steve to get a proper look at him. Steve’s arms fell to his sides, resting limp on his thighs and suddenly he felt so empty, so cold. He wanted Eddie back. And Eddie looked at him with those glassy, chocolate doe eyes, his face pale with a flush of red on his cheeks all wet with tears, his lips plump from his sobs and the bottom one red from his constant need to bite it, a little snot in his nose. He looked utterly broken, his hair was frayed around his face and his expression was so… desperate, wrecked, and needy. Steve forced back his need to grab Eddie by his warm cheeks and kiss his tears away. Eddie didn’t speak for a moment, he was trying to fix his breathing and find his words, his mind was blurry. All he could think about was Steve. Stevie, as he liked to call him. Princess. Sweetheart. He thought how now, if he was honest, he would probably never be able to call him those things again. He chewed at his lip and diverted his gaze, “Would you hate me if I said it was?”

“God, Eddie!” And now Steve was the irritated one, and it made Eddie flinch back again, his knees pressed back to his chest to try and hide, and Steve sighed and shook his head and let another tear fall, “Why do you keep thinking I’m gonna hate you? I could never fucking hate you.”

Eddie slowly looked up at Steve who was just staring at him, eyes wide, trying to send the fucking message across. And Eddie felt his heart sink. He slowly nodded and let his eyes flicker around the room, they landed on his guitar for a moment, and he sniffled, and let the words fall, “I’m in love with you.” he flicked his eyes back over to Steve.

He tensted, nay, he froze. His breath hitched and he made some weird sound he didn’t mean too in shock. Eddie, quite frankly, looked terrified. He was terrified. In this moment he felt more terrified then he did with any battle in the upside down, even facing death. Right now, he would rather be back on the cold, damp ground of the upside down with countless demon bats from hell sinking their razor sharp teeth into his warm flesh, screaming in pain and for his life as they ate them alive. Because that was less painful than what he had going on with Steve. Steve rubbed his hand over his mouth, taking a moment to process Eddie’s words, Eddie’s tone, his expression. He took a long, shaky breath and fought back a smile, “You’re… in love with… me?”

Eddie’s lip trembled and he bit down on it to stop it, it just hurt so much because now he knew, and now, all of this… this seventeen months of falling hopelessly in love would change… and it would all have been for nothing, “Yes. And i have been since you bit the head off of that fucking deamon bat.” they both snickered.

“Really?” Steve’s face softened, and he smiled and Eddie thought he had a sense of hopefulness about him. But that was just wishful thinking… right?

Eddie blushed a little, but the room was too dark to notice, plus… his cheeks were already bright red. He rested his chin on his knees, eyes refusing to leave Steve. No, he wanted to study him, to figure out what was going on in that oblivious head of his, “Yes.” He nodded slightly, honestly, I’m surprised Max was the only one to figure it out, “And so, kissing you tonight wasn’t just a stipid kiss in a game of spin the bottle. It was like, years of built up feelings smushed into one stupid kiss that wasn’t reciprocated and was meaningless and it just… broke me all over again.”

Steve furrowed his eyebrows, he thought for a moment, “Again?” he’d done this to Eddie before?”

Eddie sighed and shook his head, refusing to give an honest answer. But Steve was persistent, and so, he pressed, “No, what…” Steve tipped his head, eyes soft, “have I hurt you before?”

Eddie softened his eyes, his lids falling half shut as he huffed a long sigh, he forced a smile, but it didn’t meet his eyes, “Only every day.” he shrugged a little and forced a laugh, Steves heart ached, “It sucks enough knowing your gay… it sucks more knowing your gay for your incrediably hetero best friend… who often talks about his several sexual encounters.”

Steve pressed a hand to his mouth in shock, “Oh my- fuck… I am so sorry.” and it was genuine.

Eddie shrugged, forcing his smile some more, “You get used to it… it helps when you got a Birdie to cry too. Plus, she was in the same boat for about ten months… but it got harder when she got what she needed.”

“Needed-” Steve looked at Eddie with such sympathy, watching the way Eddie hid himself back behind his knees and his hair. Steve chewed at his thumb nail and just looked for a moment, processing it… it was so hard to process, everything was just so… knew to him, “Wait, do Nance and Max know about this?”

Eddie nodded, “Yeah.”

“Assholes,” He muttered to himself, “they told me they had no idea.”

Eddie lifted his head properly and furrowed his eyebrows, “What, when?”

Steve shrugged, anxiously bobbing his knee whilst Eddie fiddled with his ring, “They just pulled me out side and asked if I was…” he looked at Eddie, his movement stilling, “gay. And then I asked if you were too, they said they didn’t know-”

Eddie’s eyes widened, it was probably wishful hearing but, “Too?”

Steve swallowed, he hadn’t realised he said that. But, he couldn’t stop the bubble in his stomach and the little giddy smile that forced its way to his lips, and so he let it. He ran a hand through his hair and smiled so warmly, Eddie thought he was about to burst, “Yeah, too… though…” he swallowed again and shuffled half an inch closer, leaning forward a little to whisper, “I didn’t know until you kissed me about ten minuets ago.”

Eddie didn’t show a slither of expression on his face, it was just blank, but inside… oh, inside he was screaming, “So, you like guys too?”

“Yes.” Steve’s smile began to falter, he was a little unsure of himself now… why the fuck wasn’t Eddie happy… or sad… or anything for that matter.

Eddie nodded once, remaining expressionless, and he spoke in monotone, “And you…”

“I think…” Steve cleared his thoughts and straightened his back, he struggled to meet Eddie’s dark eyes, “I think I’m into you too… I don’t know if it’s love, I mean I love you definelly as my friend, but romantically, I’m not sure. I realise that these… weird feelings… these desires I’ve had that I’m only reealising are things that gay men feel, have been around since you had me pinned up against that wall in the old boat house… remember, and you were- you had the bottle… I- this is embarrassing but I got a boner… I really don’t know why I didn’t realise I’m gay- or… half gay, till now. But, that’s- that’s me. And so yeah, I guess I’ve been into you for a while but… I don’t exactly, really… understand everything yet.”

Eddie bit his lip harshly, he closed his eyes and let out a long puff of air. Anger. Steve was terrified. Eddie gritted his teeth, “So, your telling me that I have waisted a year and a half of fucking tears on you?” his eyes shot open, and they were dark.

Steve’s lips parted slightly, that definitely was the last thing he expected Eddie to say. It made his heart jump, “I’m- I’m sorry, I didn’t know-”

“Why the fuck did no one suggest a game of spin the bottle in the fucking upside down?” He shook his head, the anger still prominent in his tone… but he was… joking? Steve quirked an eyebrow, a little unsure if he should laugh or not, and so Eddie continued to speak, “I would have saved so much fucking energy. And to think, you would have much nicer bruises on your thighs by now.”

Steve let himself laugh now, it was a short burst of a laugh and he was quick to slap a hand over his lips. But then Eddie was laughing too, and so they laughed together, eyes growing wet with both hurt and happiness and they just looked at eachother, smiles big on their lips. Eddie rested his cheek on his knees, smiled so soft and eyes bright and alive. A sudden feeling of contentment washed over them, and it was peaceful. The ache in Eddie’s body began to dissipate and for the first time in seventeen months, he didn’t ache for Steve. He started to cry again, heavily. Steve shuffled closer and placed his hands on either side of Eddie’s head, holding him so soft, stroking his hair every so often as he pressed a few sparse kisses to the top of Eddie’s head. Steve’s whisper was delicate, “I’m sorry, Eddie.”

He wiped his tears on the sleeve of Steve’s yellow jumper, sniffling a little before looking up, “It’s okay.”

Steve shook his head, “It’s not. It’s not okay, I had no idea I was hurting you so much.”

Eddie smiled, and it met his eyes this time, his wet, pretty eyes, “But you didn’t know, because I didn’t let you see.” He gently grabbed Steve’s hand from his face and held them tight, “You didn’t know, and so it’s okay.”

“But,” Steve still felt horrible, “still, I-”

“Stevie.” Eddie pressed, and Steve couldn’t help but smile at the name. The name he loved so dearly. The name that only Eddie called him. Eddie rubbed his thumbs over the backs of Steve’s hand, and it was strange that he was the one comforting now, when he was still the one with tears falling from his eyes, “I didn’t want you to know. And it wasn’t you that hurt me. It was because of you, I was hurting myself. You didn’t mean to sweep me off my feet and get me falling head over heels or anything, that’s just your Steve charm-” both of them laughed a little, “but I hurt myself for continually flirting with you, even though I knew you would never flirt back- you just… you just always got so pink in the cheeks and I couldn’t help myself, I love your smile. And- it’s my fault for spending so much time with you, I could have just… not… you know, let myself have some room to get over you but I couldn’t help myself. I really couldn’t, you just make me happy… even when you go on about having sex with girls in the back of your car and how great they are and how you just wished one of them was meaningful… and how you wanted to settle down with someone and fall in love. It’s my fault for letting those conversations happen, my fault for indulging them time after time because I just loved to learn about what you wanted in life. And then I’d go home and picture myself in your silly scenarios instead… picture myself in your dreams until I inevitably cry myself to sleep. It’s embarrassing, really, but… it’s not your fault at all because there have been countless times where I could have just pulled the plug before I fell too deep but I didn’t. Because I love you, and loving you is everything to me.”

Steve’s heart sunk in his chest because… oh god he needed to cry. Oh god he was already crying. He’d spent seventeen months trying and trying with all these pointless girls when he had Eddie there, ready and waiting all that fucking time and… he’s never had someone… feel for him like that before. He’s never had someone… love him so openly before. And it hurt so much because he finally, after twenty years of living, had someone to give him the love he so desperately needed. The love that not even his own mother could give him. And so yes, he was crying like a fucking lunatic but so was Eddie and it was safe. It was safe because they could both cry like lunatics together. Eddie pulled Steve’s hands close to his chest, shuffling in a little closer. He cupped his calloused hands on Steve’s warm, wet cheeks and swiped his thumbs along the high of his cheek bones, the tips brushing along his bottom lashes. They were close now, so, so close, Eddie could feel Steve’s warm breath on his face and it was so inviting. Eddie smiled so softly, his voice barely a whisper, “What’s got you crying now Steve?”

He sobbed some more, a heavy sob that came from the depths of his chest and he grabbed Eddie’s wrists, his thumbs brushing over the pale skin as he looked deep into those chocolate eyes, “You really do love me?”

Eddie nodded, his forehead pressed against Steves and their noses brushed togher, “More than I’ve ever loved anything, actually… and it’s… terrifying.”

Steve’s grip on Eddie’s wrists tightened and his eyes blinked shut for a moment, “I promise I’m gonna love you like that soon.”

Eddie laughed, a slight sniffle following, “You shouldn’t promise something so valuable, Stevie. Might end up breaking my heart.”

Steve moved one of his hands to cup the back of Eddie’s neck, his fingers lacing though his hair as he whispered, “I never want to break your heart… again.”

Eddie smiled softly, his eyes closing for a moment too, “And I never want to break yours, and I honestly don’t think I ever could.” he took a shaky breath, “I know this is all new to you, and I don’t want to scare you, or overwhelm you or anything like that, Steve, but to me… you are… everything. I mean, I have so much love for you I have literally got an entire notebook dedicated to songs about you-”

Steve laughed, “You wrote songs about me?”

“So many.” Eddie smiled, “You just… you make my life better without even meaning too. And yes, I have spent the better part of those seventeen months crying my heart out for you… I mean, I was making myself sick with grief so bad Wayne thought I had AIDS or Cancer or… something like that… that’s why he hates you, by the way. He hates you because you are supposedly not a homosexual.”

“Wait, really?” Steve pulled his face back a little, chewing at his lip, “That’s why? I have been trying to suck up so hard.”

Eddie smiled, “He’ll come around.” Eddie swiped his thumbs over Steves cheeks again, “I don’t expect you to ever love me back, that… that would be asking for more than I could ever deserve-” Steve tried to speak, but Eddie didn’t let him interrupt, “I just want you to be happy, and I want to be the one to provide that happiness, if that’s what you want. But, if you need more time to… understand all this… your feelings… any of it, that’s okay. If you don’t want to be with me, that’s okay too. I just hope you want to keep me around, and don’t feel bad. Okay? If you’re gonna reject me now, just do it because at least then I know for sure and I can try my best to move on and maybe you could help me-”

“I’m not gonna reject you, Eddie.” Steve slid a little closer, as close as he could get, both of them straightening up a little, “I wouldn’t- i wouldn’t come in here and confess to you that you were like… my awakening into homosexuality and then reject you. That would be… incredibly stupid.”

“But if you need more time-”

“You’re sweet.” Steve smiled, and his heart drummed in his chest so fast, “You know, ever since the upside down you are the person I think about the most. You make me so happy, and the days and weeks you disappear like that make me… I don’t know, I cry a lot because I miss you and I think I’ve done something wrong… which I now realise that it was definitely because I’ve done something wrong.. And holy fuck, wait…”

“Steve-”

“No, Eddie.” Steve shook his head, pulling Eddie’s hands away from his face to hold them, “Did you really make yourself sick over me?”

“Can we please not talk about this?” Eddie diverted his gaze.

Steve grabbed him by the chin, gently of course, and guided his face back to look at him, “Thanksgiving last year, you came over for the dinner I hosted, and you had dark rings under your eyes… you looked like shit… and you, you barely ate, and you got really drunk and you were vomiting so much I was about to call the ambule-”

“Please, Steve.” Eddie swallowed.

“Because?”

“Because you invited that girl to the thanksgiving that we were gonna host together.” his tone was meek and he felt so small.

Steves felt sick, “I’m so sorry-”

“Please,” Eddie begged, “I don’t want to talk about it now.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll-”

Eddie sighed, “I know it’s not okay, but Steve I really love you and I’m already an insecure guy so… so things just affected me… a whole lot more than they should have.” Eddie shook his head, he felt his heart twisting in his chest again, that ache coming back, “As I said, it’s bad enough being gay in Hawkins, it’s worse loving a guy who- I thought- only liked women.”

Steve nodded slowly and placed his hands firm on Eddie’s shoulders, “You never have to feel that again,” he cupped the sides of Eddie’s neck and dipped his head to get a better look at him, “I’m gonna get on my knees and beg for Wayne’s forgiveness, and your never gonna hear about a girl like that ever again.”

Eddie forced a smile, “Wayne will probably give you a boot to the ass if you did that… he likes honeycomb chocolate a lot.”

Steve smiled sweetly and nodded, “Okay, lucky I can steal my dad’s credit card and buy him a year’s supply of it… don’t tell him I used dad’s money though.”

Eddie looked up with a genuine smile now and swept some hair back from his face, “Promise your secrets safe with me… both of them, for that matter. I’m not gonna tell a soul, Stevie, not even Rob. that’s your choice, okay?”

Steve nodded, “I’m sorry if I forced your choice away just then.”

Eddie shook his head and played with Steve’s hand, “I needed to tell you eventually, plus, I basically outed myself by storming off like that. Hopefully the kids are all cool with it.”

“They totally admire you, they will be.” Steve assured him, both of their eyes focused on the way Eddie was fiddling with Steve’s fingers. The action, the feeling, sent shivers up Steve’s spine. It wasn’t the first time Eddie had done something like this, he was a rather touchy person, physical touch was a vital element to his happiness. That’s why those weeks got so bad, he’d shut himself off from the world and fall deeper and deeper into the hole he dug because no one was there, he was just alone, not even Wayne was there to give him a reassuring pat on the shoulder half the time because he was working so much. But this time, this time it felt different. Because not only was his best friend fiddling with his fingers, it was his best friend who he was falling hard for, and who was head over fucking heals in love with him.

“Hopefully.” Eddie smiled.

“So much for your bad boy mantra…” Steve shrugged, catching Eddie’s confused eye now, “Bad boys in bands, branded as town freaks aren’t supposed to get love sick.”

Eddie smiled wide, and he almost laughed, his eyes twinkled with it even in the dark room, “Well, I never conform to stereotypical roles, Sweetheart.”

Steve grinned, his cheeks heating with pink, “Is that what I am? Your sweetheart?”

Eddie furrowed his eyebrows, “What do you mean?” he scoffed, “You’ve always been my sweetheart.” he continued to fiddle with Steve’s hand.

“Yeah, but…” Steve shrugged, “I don’t know… don’t worry.” he shook his head, shying away.

Eddie’s shoulders dropped as he thought for a moment, the fiddling coming to a stop. He took a short breath before looking up at Steve again, “Did you mean… Do you wanna be my boyfriend?”

Steve blushed even more, if that was even possible. His stomach bubbled with excitement, he most certainly did. He wanted nothing more, “I mean… yeah.” He swallowed, “Do you not?”

Eddie shook his head with a little laugh, and oh my god he wanted to cry again. He really did. His heart was slowly glueing itself back together. He wanted to scream. He felt like a twelve year old girl, “God, of course I do, Princess.” He only used that name to tease, and so it made Steve smile, “Just, are you sure? Because I can wait. If you need some time to process this whole, half gay thing, i can wait. I have waited this long, what’s a few more months?” His smile softened, his tone deepend, a new sense of sincerity, “I’d wait forever for you.”

Steve felt utterly giddy, helpless, lovesick almost… much like a twelve year old girl, “You really don’t have to. I want you now, more than anything.”

“I’d give you anything you wanted, Stevie.” Eddie shook his head, eyes fixed on Steves, voice low.

He nodded softly with a warm smile, “So,” he whispered, “ask me to be your boyfriend and kiss me again, for real… because I’m sick of making the first move-”

And Eddie grinned so wide, his heart grew about ten sizes, it felt too big for his chest and fuck, he could hear it beating… or maybe that was steves… maybe if was both of them, “Be my boyfriend, please for the love of fucking Ozzy be my boyfriend, Steve.”

“Hmm…” Steve pretended to think for a moment, “I don’t know… what do I get in return?”

Eddie rolled his eyes with a smirk, he could kill this fucking dude, “For fucks sake, Stevie… I was lying when I said I could wait.”

Steve laughed and nodded his head, “Yes, I will be your boyfriend, but only if you show me those songs you wrote-”

“Yes, yes, anything for you, sweetheart.” Eddie mumbled whilst grabbing Steve by the collar of his stupid polo and pulling him against his lips, this time… this time Eddie didn’t pull away. Steve grunted with the sudden eagerness, but he most certainly wasn’t complaining because he was really kissing Eddie. He placed his hands on Eddies soft cheeks that were a little sticky from dried tears, and held him there. Eddie nearly melted, he tried to fight back those few tears he had left in him, but he really couldn’t. He could feel them broaching his waterline and just prayed Steve wouldn’t notice. He laced his fingers into Eddie’s hair and deepened their kiss, opening his mouth slightly as he tugged at Eddie’s matted locks, pulling his head back slightly for better access. And the action made Eddie want to fall apart. And fuck, yeah, all those countless girls Steve had been with really brought the jealousy out in Eddie, but right now he was so, so thankful for every single one of them because holy fuck was Steve a good kisser. And Eddie grew nervous, because he’s only ever made out with one person before, and it was a girl, just to try it out and it was a horrible experience. So Eddie was clueless and he was making out with a guy with enough experience for the entire graduating class of ‘86 and that made Eddie shake. But god it was so good. It was everything. It was better than anything he had ever dreamed of because it was real… and it was good. Steve was the first to slip some tongue, naturally, Eddie was quite frankly clueless, but he just followed Steve’s lead… he usually pictured himself as the top in their relationship, based off of their usual dynamic. But maybe Steve being in control wouldn’t be such a bad thing, it most certainly was not right now. And then those few tears slipped down his face and into their mouths and the salty taste was spread over their tongues and then Steve was trying to pull back, but Eddie just held him closer, chasing the kiss.

“Are you…” Steve mumbled into their kiss, still trying to pull away, “crying?”

Eddie stopped and sighed, finally giving in. He dropped his head for a second before looking up at Steve with wet eyes. His grip on Steve’s shirt loosened, and he smoothed his collar back out and wiped at the few tears at his cheeks with a shrug, “Yeah, sorry.”

Steve furrowed his eyebrows, “Did I do something… wrong? Am- did… is that not how you’re supposed to kiss guys?”

Eddie laughed, “No, yeah it is… it was… really good. Like, so good.” he sniffled, flicking the last tear away, “I just love you a lot and, I guess I got overwhelmed because I have been thinking about doing that every day, you know. And it was just… so, so good.”

“I didn’t know you were such a romantic, Munson.” He smirked.

“What?” Eddie felt himself blushing.

“You’re sweet talking to me, all these ‘I love yous’ and all that, you’re just… I didn’t think you’d be the type of guy to just be vulnerable and admit all that.”

“Oh,” Eddie swallowed and shook his head, “yeah, no… I’m, I’m usually not, really. But, I guess… I’ve just thought about telling you a lot, and you make me feel so safe and so… I guess I just feel like I can. I’m sorry, I can stop if it’s bothering you.”

“Please don’t stop.” Steve sounded desperate, quiet. Eddie looked up at him wide eyed, and Steve swallowed the lump in his throat. If Eddie could be vulnerable like that, then so could he… Eddie’s not gonna hurt him, he’s not gonna call ‘bullshit’, he’s not gonna run. It’s Eddie. And Eddie loves him more than anything in the world, “I- I mean, you can stop telling me you love me, if you want… stop saying those words because I don’t know when I’ll be able to say them back,” gimme about two days to think about my entire life, then I’ll realise I’m extremely in love with you too, “so, if that’s gonna hurt you, stop. But, please, you can… you can keep sweet talkin me. I’m- oh fuck… I’m usually the one doing the talk like that… you know, saying nice things and all… I usually just get a ‘thank you’. I don’t know, I just don’t have many people in my life telling me that they appreciate me and stuff, you know. So, it’s nice… to be sweet-talked. That’s why I liked your flirting so much, it-”

“Makes you feel wanted?” Eddie suggested, his head tilted slightly to the side as he held Steve’s hands in his own, his voice was softer than silk, “I get that. Not many people tell me they want me either, Stevie, so… maybe we just gotta keep telling each other a little more?”

“I think… I think that would be good.” He nodded slowly.

“Okay good…” Eddie smiled, a new thought hit him in the face, “Steve I have to tell you something.”

“Okay.”

“I’m-” He cleared his throat, “I’m like… a super mega virgin.”

Steve’s eyes shot up, “Wh-” he choked on his own saliva, “Ye- okay… really? You’re twenty two.”

Eddie rubbed his eyes and sighed, he felt utterly embarrassed, “Yeah, well… not many people are lining up to sleep with the Freak, Stevie… and I haven’t exactly made myself very available since Vecna, so…”

“Okay…” Steve nodded, “Sorry, that just… took me by surprise. Did you want-”

“Not yet, no…” Eddie shook his head, “Shit- I probably should have thought about this a little more… uh, jesus. I just, I’ve only ever made out with two people before. The first one was Sandra Burns when I was fifteen because I just wanted to double make sure I was really gay, and that was really bad and lasted about ten seconds. And then the second one was you… so… and that was really good, but only because you know what your doing and stuff and I just wanted to tell you that I have no fucking clue, okay?”

Steve blushed a little, “I was your first make out with a dude?”

“Yeah.” He sighed.

“Well, that’s sick.” Steve grinned, “At least we’re sorta in the same boat then, right? I mean, yeah, I’m definitely not a virgin, but I’ve never been with a guy before. So, technically I sorta am… for us anyway.”

“Yeah, but you-”

“Okay, Eddie… kissing works for anyone, it’s all the same… I think-”

“Correct.” Eddie confirmed.

“Yes,” Steve nodded with a deep breath, he felt a little awkward now too, “But that’s all that’s the same… other than maybe… butt squeezing, i don’t know-”

Eddie tried to force back a laugh, “You wanna squeeze my butt, Steve?”

He rolled his eyes and flopped back on the bed, he looked up and over at Eddie who was grinning, “Just, you know, it’s different. And quite frankly a little terrifying so I might need some time before we get… nake-”

“Oh my- yes- no… me too, Steve.” Eddie sighed, “I- I definitely need more time. I’ve never even been in a relationship before, I just- I wanted to tell you that I would probably be awkward and to apologise if I was a bad kisser.”

Steve laughed, throwing his head back into the mattress some more, “Oh god.” he smiled and tipped his head back to his boyfriend, “Your not a bad kisser, by the way. Better than most of the girls I’ve been with.”

“Really?” Eddie shuffled a little closer, an eager grin on his lips.

“Cmere.” Steve reached his hand out, and Eddie crawled over to him. Steve guided Eddie to place a hand on either side of his head, Eddie’s hair hung down over their faces as he held himself there beside/slightly atop Steve and he swallowed, this was all very new, Steve gently stroked Eddie’s forearm, looking up into his eyes, “You okay?”

Eddie nodded slowly, “Yeah, just… nervous.”

Steve smiled, “You can kiss me when you’re ready.” he was just as nervous as Eddie.

Eddie nodded slowly and lent down, their lips brushed together lightly, their eyes fluttered shut, and then Eddie was kissing him… again. And it was just as fucking perfect, if not more. They could definitely get used to this.

“I’ve always thought,” Steve muttered between kisses, his hands snaking up to lace around Eddie’s neck in an attempt to pull him closer, “you were so pretty.”

Eddie laughed, “Pretty…” he pulled back to look Steve in the eyes, their lips plump and wet, “me?”

Steve nodded, “Very.”

“Nah,” Eddie shook his head, “you though? Well, you’re the prettiest guy I’ve ever seen. Your prettiness makes up for your jockness.”

Steve laughed, “My jockness?”

“Yeah, your jockness.” Eddie grinned, sitting back up beside Steve, keeping a hand on his chest, “Though… that could come in handy.”

“Oh yeah?” Steve quirked his eyebrow, he liked flirting back with Eddie.

“Oh yeah…” Eddie grinned, overjoyed that Steve was actually flirting back for once and fuck, it was gonna be the death of him, he squeezed Steves biceps, “You got all this muscle, good for throwing boyfriends around.”

Steve giggled, he actually giggled and it was stiupid but Eddie found it adorable. Eddie smiled at him softly, and Steve grabbed his hand whilst pushing himself up onto his elbows, “You know, I really hope Wayne forgives me.”

“He will, Stevie… he doesn’t hate you that much. He just… he’s protective.” Eddie shrugged, “Plus, if you use up your dad’s money to buy him chocolates, he will love you forever.”

Steve laughed, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Eddie nodded, his hands fiddling with Steve’s fingers again, “he just wants me to be happy, have a good life. End up better than my dad. So… he will forgive you in an instant.”

“That’s good then.” Steve smiled softly, his eyes watching Eddies hands, he wasn’t wearing his rings, only one of them today. He liked Eddie’s rings an awful lot, “Can’t say the same about my family. If they ever find out I’m seeing a metal head freak, they will quite literally have a heart attack. The moment they find out you’re a dude, yeah, nope, I’m getting disowned.”

Eddie frowned, that made his heart ache all over again, “I’m sorry.”

Steve shook his head, “Don’t worry about it, they’re shit parents anyway. Plus, they’re never home these days.”

“Still, it’s fucked up.” He looked up at Steve with puppy dog eyes. And those eyes have won Steve over more times than he would like to admit.

“Hmm, but, it means we’re gonna have an empty house a lot.” He forced a smile, “You get to be my secret boyfriend.”

Eddie forced a smile too, “I’ll be your secret boyfriend, Steve.” He grabbed his hand and brought it to his lips, kissing delicate little kisses along Steve’s knuckles which made him chuckle sweetly, “You can keep me all to yourself.”

“Yeah?” Steve grinned, he slipped his hand away from Eddies and wrapped it around the back of his neck instead, pulling him down to his lips, “You’re all mine?”

“All yours.” Eddie let out in a breathy whisper, his eyes locked on Steve’s lips that were so, so close. He tried to push forward, to kiss him, but Steve held him back.

“Eager.” Holy fuck was Steve a tease, it made Eddie whimper, “Thank you for being honest with me tonight. I know it’s hard.”

Eddie smiled softly, “Thank you for not freaking out about it.”

Steve laughed softly and pulled Eddie in for another kiss, “If I ran off screaming and crying I’d lose my cheap weed deals.” He grinned, “Thought maybe dating you meant I’d get it cheaper.”

“Wow,” Eddie nodded, “wowwwwww.” he clutched a hand over his heart and dramatically fell backwards on the bed, arms and legs wailing around as he spasmed, tongue hanging loose, “Oh, you wound me. Used by a jock! Uh, I’ve hit rock bottom, there’s no turning back now! Only… dealthhhhhh…. Ughhhhh.” and he closed his eyes and played dead.

Steve laughed and sat up, crawling over his boyfriend, mindlessly placing his hands on either side of his head, his knees on either side of Eddie’s waist, “You are a major dork.” Steve grinned and leant down to kiss his cheek.

“Yeah, a major dork who you-” he opened his eyes and looked up at Steve, who was directly on top of him, and he froze, a shiver travelled down his spine… he really liked being under Steve like this. He placed his hands on Steve’s hips, genty guiding him down until Steve was straddling his waist. They both took a minute, their nerves flying, “Is this okay with you?”

Steve nodded, “Yeah, you?”

Eddie nodded too, “Yeah, like… really okay.” They both laughed a little. Eddie rested his hands on the high of Steve’s thighs and leant up a little, pressing a tender kiss to Steve’s lips, “Really… really okay.”

“I’m kind of getting the impression that you might sorta like it when I sit on top of you.” Steve quipped, and Eddie laid back, shying behind his eyes.

“You suck.”

Steve cleared his thoughts and took a nervous breath, “Well, not yet.”

Eddie poked out from behind his eyes, Steve’s comment rushing straight down to his cock and he prayed to every god in the universe that Steve wouldn’t feel it, “Bold.”

Steve shrugged, “You know… I just remembered there’s a whole party of people out there.”

“Oh shit.” Eddie looked back at his door, which was definitely shut, “Uhm, I don’t know how to explain that temper tantrum.”

Steve sighed, “We will figure it out.”

Eddie smiled, “My lips are sealed, okay?”

“Yes they are.” Steve grinned and leant down to press another kiss to Eddie’s perfect fucking lips.

They took a moment to gather themselves before fixing their clothes and hair a little and headed back out. Only when they opened the door did they see how incredibly red they were in the face, and how smiley they were. They forced those smiles away quickly.

“Okay, what the fuck?” Dustin was the first to speak.

“Yes, I agree.” Eleven nodded, “What the fuck?”

“Sorry guys.” Eddie sighed, standing in the living room sheepishly, he could feel Robin staring deep into his and Steve’s souls, “I just… I needed a moment.”

“Why?” Mike asked, he was leant against the coffee table, playing with a chocolate wrapper and not properly paying attention.

“I, ah-” Eddie swallowed.

El spoke up from her place besides Max on the couch, “Did you and Steve do the gay?”

“Wh-” Eddie’s eyes widened and the whole room gasped. Robin spat her water everywhere, taking a minute to cough up what she choked on. Steve turned even redder, Eddie shook his head, “No!” hepressed, “No, no, not gay… we didn’t gay. We didn’t do the gay.”

“Sounds convincing to me.” Dustin deadpanned.

“That kiss was very…” Lucas searched for his words.

“Gay.” Mike suggested, still not really paying attention, and Will kicked him in the shin, “Owh, what?”

“No, just-” Eddie forced a laugh, “We didn’t- Steve isn’t- I-”

“Come on,” Dustin rolled his eyes, “we played spin the bottle, it landed on Steve, you were a trembling mess, you kissed him for half a second and then you ran away crying and have been missing for about an hour.”

“Dustin.” Nancy pressed, giving him some side eye.

“What?” Dustin waved his hands out, “There’s no other explanation, is there?”

Eddie looked back at Steve who was clenching his jaw, trying his best to stay calm. Mike sighed, “No one cares apparently, so, you know, it’s fine.”

“What?” Eddie shook his head, fingers pressed into his eyes.

“Oh yeah,” Jonathan said, “El full on outed Mike and Will.”

“I said I am sorry.” El pleaded.

“Mike and Will?” Eddie’s eyes widened.

“Yeah,” Will sighed, “me and Mike,”

Eddie strode over to them at the coffee table and put his hand out for Mike to high five, “Way to go Wheeler, I told you it was cool man.”

“Wait-” Will furrowed his brow, “Eddie knew about you?”

“I just-” Mike shrugged, “I called him when I broke up with El because I didn’t know who else to talk to.”

Eddie scruffed his hair and smiled. He looked around the room, all eyes were on him and Steve, and Steve was awfully quiet. Eddie could tell he was panicking. Robin was standing beside him, trying to gauge the situation. Nancy and Max hadn’t told her what Steve had told them, no, that was for Steve to share himself, and they were trying their best to hide their expressions because they had a pretty damn good idea of what had happened. Eddie was on the spot with nowhere to go. Honesty was his only choice. Well, he’s already been blatantly honest once tonight, what’s once more right? He fought down his anxiety and fiddled with his ring, his breath now heavy. He chewed at his lip, searching for some words. He looked up at Steve, and just let them fall, “I’m in love with Steve.”

Silence. Nothing but silence. All eyes were on him, a few flicked over to Steve. Eddie kept his eyes on his boyfriend who was on the brink of tearing up, ignoring everyone else. He just needed to let the words flow, it would be okay because he would have Robin and now Steve there to pick up the pieces if needed, “Yeah, I’m… gay. Always have been, always will be. I- I’ve had a thing for Steve since our senior year, but… I hated him then as well, he was just.. Heh… really hot. But then Dustin-” he gritted his teeth and glared down at his brother, “wouldn’t shut up about how fantastically great King Steve was and then it just, I started falling harder. And then, fuck, we got caught up in an alternate dimension together and I knew I fell in love with him there and have been ever since. And so yeah, when I had to kiss Steve tonight it really freaked me out and it made me feel sick. And so I told him, just then I told him everything and…” He swallowed and looked at Steve with a soft smile, “And Steve said it was okay… that it wasn’t a big deal and that he didn’t mind. He was utterly flattered, of course, it’s probably gone straight to his head.” Eddie winked at him.

“So, are you not doing the gay?” El pressed.

“Yeah, are you doing the gay?” Robin spoke up, hands clutched eagerly infrnt of her lips, “Please tell me your doing the gay.”

Eddie smiled wide, “No.” he shook his head, and Steve took a deep breath of releif, “No, were… were not. Steve likes girls, and that’s okay. We’re gonna work past it, and he’s gonna help me find a really nice dude. So no, me and Steve are not doing the gay, but… that’s…. That’s why I reacted so badly tonight.” He placed his hands on his hips, “I’m sorry for ruining your night, everyone. Really-”

“You didn’t.” Dustin smiled, “We just watched a movie and got some brilliant new material to bully you with, so thank you, MrILoveSteveHarrington.”

Eddie groaned and slumped down on the couch, hiding his face behind his hands. Mike looked over at him and decided to comment, “I can’t believe you’re still wearing his jumper.”

“And my pants.” Steve grinned, his mood much better now.

“Dude, no way.” Dustin laughed, “That’s ba-” Eddie threw a pillow hard at his face, cutting him off mid sentence.

The night continued on and Robin and Nancy managed to pull Eddie into his room and change him into his Daphne get up that was entirely too small. At this point, Steve had told Robin the whole truth about the situation, and she tackled Eddie to the floor in a ‘proud mama’ hug. Eddie walked back out with his little purple dress that was very, very short… so short you could see his boxers sticking out, and the pair of boots that Robin had painted purple for him, and the little green ascot. And he got made fun of so hard, and when the kids insisted on going trick or treating, Eddie refused to leave the trailer. Steve hung back with him. They both slumped on the couch, and Steve found Eddie’s hand, lacing them together. He looked over at his boyfriend with a warm smile, “Thank you for not telling anyone.”

“What’d I say, Stevie? It’s your choice.” He squeezed his hand.

“Yeah, but you didn’t get to choose.”

Eddie smiled softly and shrugged, “Doesn’t matter to me. I would gladly get berated and beten for being gay, rather than out you when you wernt ready. You’ve been through enough, I think.”

“So have you.” He lifted his hand and swept some hair back from Eddie’s face.

Eddie shrugged and rested his head on Steve’s shoulder, “Yeah, but I’ve gotten used to it. Plus, no one had a problem with it anyway, so why are we dwelling on it?”

“I suppose.” Steve sighed, his thumb rubbed the back of Eddie’s hand, his eyes wandered over Eddie who was falling asleep on his shoulder. Both of them just content, “I’m loving the getup.”

“Shut up, sweetheart.” Eddie mumbled. Steve laughed, resting his head against Eddie’s, both of them growing tired and warm in the comfortable space, “Stay over tonight? Please?” Eddie pleaded, his voice small, “Not for sex or anything, I just like… this.”

Steve smiled and turned to press a soft kiss on his head, both of their stomachs bubbled, “Yes please.” He smiled to himself, “I can woo Wayne over by making breakfast in the morning, huh?”

Eddie laughed softly, “Yeah, whole lotta bacon should do it.”

“And eggs extra runny for you?” Steve asked.

Eddie’s heart stung, but in a good way for once, “Aww, you remembered.” He teased, but it was genuine.

“Yeah, yeah.” Steve grinned to himself.

It sounded stupid, but it really meant a lot to Eddie. After several concussions and hits to the head, Steve’s memory isn’t what it used to be, he tended to forget a lot. And so, remembering something as simple as how Eddie liked his eggs in the morning, was something that really hit home. It pulled at his heart and made him feel whole. Eddie smiled, eyes still shut and he was half asleep now, “I would kiss you right now, but m’too tired. Promise I’ll give you lots when I wake up… if you want.”

“You better.” Steve grinned and squeezed Eddie’s hand tighter, “I’ll be waiting.”

They stayed like that for a while, they would have stayed there all night. But then Dustin came bursting through the door in a ruckus, grumbling about how Nancy ‘told me to get a jacket, you get a jacket’, and Steve tensed. He still had Eddie’s hand clutched tightly in his own, and Eddie’s head on his shoulder, snuggled deep into his neck, and at some point Eddie had thrown one of his legs over Steves, which he adored. And so he couldn’t move, and he just prayed Dustin wouldn’t notice, but of course, “Ahh, Steve?”

He swallowed, “Henderson.”

Dustin sighed deeply and deadpanned him, “I swear to god, if you lead Eddie on and play with his feelings I’m going to punch you in the face. Why are you letting him lay on you like that, that’s so stupid. I thought you were better than this. As Eddie’s chosen brother, I am required, by law, to get Nancy to shoot you with one of her guns if you break his heart. And she will do it! Don’t doubt that. So, please, explain to me why you are letting Eddie sleep on top of you like that because I think you’re being incredibly inconsiderate right now.”

“He just…” Steve stuttered, “he just rolled onto me.”

“Ah huh.” Dustin nodded, shaking his head. He took a few steps over to Steve and slapped him in the face. Steve made an audible ‘ow’ and kicked Dustin in the shin, “That’s what you get, Dingus! And why are you holding his hand?” he practically squealed that last part.

“Just- agh-” Steve grabbed Dustin by the collar, pulling him in, “I swear to god, Henderson you are going to be the death of me. This does not leave your ears, okay? You cannot tell a soul what I am about to tell you, not one person because I will smack you back.”

“Tell me what?” Dustin tried to pull away from Steve’s grip.

Steve looked over to the door and lowered his voice, “I’m-” he swallowed and looked back at Eddie, then back at Dustin, “He’s my boyfriend, okay? He told me he loved me and then made me his boyfriend.”

Dustin’s eyes widened and Steve let him go. He took a couple of steps back and looked at the pair. Steve scratched his forehead and settled back beside Eddie, sweeping a low hanging hair back from his face so sweetly. And Dustin nodded, “What happened to all the girls?”

Steve shrugged, “Eddie’s better.”

Dustin giggled, “He does kinda look like a girl, especially in that dress-”

“I can hear you, Henderson.” Eddie mumbled into Steve’s neck, eyes closed still.

“Oh shit.” Dustin snapped back. Steve tensed a little.

“Mhm,” Eddie still didn’t move, “you tell anyone about Steve I’ll tell your mother you get Suzie to change your grades on your report.”

“My lips are sealed.” Dustin zipped his lips with a smile and bounced back towards the door, making a bunch of kissy faces at Steve as he left. Steve shook his head mockingly at him, and waited until the front door was closed to speak. He turned to Eddie, a soft hand on his shoulder, the other still in his hand, and he whispered,

“Ed’s, wake up. I don’t wanna deal with another Dustin.”

“M’sorry.” Eddie pulled himself off of Steve, slouching back into the couch and tugged at the hem of his skirt, “Fuck me this dress is uncomfortable.”

“Gladly.” Steve smirked, and Eddie took a moment to process what he said. But when he did, he was blushing.

“Sorry about Dustin.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Steve shrugged, “The kid’s nosey anyway, he would have figured it out pretty fast.”

Eddie snickered, “Tell me about it.”

“Why don’t you get out of that dress and get in bed, I’ll send the kids home.”

“Woah, sweetheart,” Eddie grinned, “I thought you wanted to keep the nakedness to a minimum.”

“You’re a dork.” Steve shook his head, standing up and heading towards the door, “I’m dating a dork. My two best friends and my boyfriend are dorks, what have I become?”

“Steve Harrington,” Eddie held up his hands, miming a news headline, “Once a chick magnet, now a dork magnet.”

He pressed a hand over his heart, “You wound me.” Eddie laughed, and Steve reached for the doorknob, “Now go to bed. I’ll come in once people leave, okay?”

“Oh, I like it when you boss me around, Stevie.” Eddie smiled and winked at his boyfriend, eventually bringing himself to his feet. He pointed over at the side board, “Keys there if you need it, kay?”

“Got it.” Steve smiled and slipped out the door.

By the time he’d sent everyone on their way, and headed back to Eddie’s bedroom, a new sense of fear washed over him. He was nervous. He’d never slept beside Eddie before… well, a little when Ed was still in hospital, but not really. He hoped tonight he wouldn’t wake up screaming. He didn’t want to make a bad first impression. He walked into the dark room to find Eddie lying on his side, the covers kicked to the end of his bed, he was hugging a pillow and positioned right in the middle. And was dressed only in his boxers. Steve swallowed thickly and began to slowly undress himself. They both didn’t like to show their scars often. Infact, Steve was the only person to have ever seen all of Eddie’s. He thought that was because Steve was scared too, but maybe Eddie just wanted to show Steve. But even then, they hardly showed them off. So the nerves were high. Once he was just left in his jocks and socks, he nervously crept over to the bed. He was tentative and careful, and tried his best not to wake the sleeping beast. There was music playing softly in the background, Tears For Fears. Steve rolled his eyes. He climbed onto the bed, grabbing the covers as he did, he ran cold at night. He laid himself down beside Eddie, his chest pressed to Eddie’s back, to covers sat just above their hips, and Steve wrapped his arm over Eddie, pulling him in close. The big spoon, Steve’s role, always. That seemed to wake Eddie up, sort of. He mumbled something inaudible and rolled over to face Steve. He placed his hand on Steve’s chest, his head on his shoulder, “I like you without a shirt.” he mumbled.

Steve snickered, “Yeah?”

“Mhm,” Eddie nodded, “There’s a key there. On my bedside, s’for you.”

Steve looked over to see a key sitting right by the ashtray, a little piece of paper set to stand with a little S and a heart scribbled onto it, “Why?”

“Just in case you get disowned.” Eddie mumbled, eyes still heavy with sleep, “You can come straight here, we’ll look after you Stevie. Us Munsons like taking in strays.”

Steve bit his lip, his heart swelled, “Really?”

“Yeah, or you can just use it whenever you want.” Eddie pressed a little kiss on Steve’s chest, “I like having you around.”

He didn’t answer, he didn’t need to. He just felt contempt. They both felt safe, and warm, and comfortable. Steve felt himself begin to cry. So many nights spent sleeping alone, left to the dark with his thoughts in that big empty house and no one to love. And then in one stupid night, after one stupid party game, he was no longer a lone and he had someone to love. And more importantly, he had someone to love him, really love him. He just wished this happened seventeen months earlier. He sniffled, his tears rolling down to the crevice of his neck. Eddie poked his head up, and when he did, Steve was quick to rid himself of tears. Eddie smiled softly and pressed a tender kiss on his cheek, and then one on his forehead, and then one on his nose, and one on his soft pink lips. He gave Steve a look that said ‘I love you’, and shoved at his shoulder until Steve was rolling onto his side. Eddie wrapped an arm over his boyfriend, his chest now pressed flush against Steve’s back as he pulled him in as close as he could. He nuzzled his face into the crook of Steve’s neck and left a couple of kisses there as well. He dagged delicate, calloused fingertips across Steve’s chest, and down to his abdomen, grazing them over the scars left there. The scars they both had. Eddie smiled to himself and mumbled, “Some couples have matching bracelets, or matching rings, but I think we win with matching scars.”

Steve chuckled, he brought his hand down to Eddie’s, dragging his fingers over the back of Eddie’s hand, “We definitely win.”

There was a beat of silence, and Steve thought Eddie had fallen asleep again, but then he spoke, and it was barely a whisper but it sent a shiver down Steve’s spine, “You’re so beautiful.”

“What?” Steve couldn’t help but smile, his stomach bloomed with butterflies.

“I said, you’re so beautiful.” Eddie kissed Steve’s shoulder, “You have a beautiful face, and a beautiful body, but most of all you have a beautiful soul. The most beautiful person I have ever met, inside and out, Stevie. I love you so much.”

Steve swallowed, he wasn’t really sure how to deal with such pure emotion. Fiddled with Eddie’s fingers as they grazed his skin, “I’ve never been the little spoon before.”

Eddie smiled and squeezed him tight, “Well get used to it, you need to be hugged more, sweetheart.”

“Only if it’s by you.” Steve whispered, his eyes falling shut.

“Promise I’ll give you all the hugs and kisses I can muster up.” Eddie chuckled low, another kiss placed on Steve’s bare shoulder, his skin warm and soft under Eddie’s lips, against his stomach and under his arm. Eddie, quite frankly, couldn’t fucking get enough, “I know this is mean, but I hope you get disowned so you can come live with me instead.”

The butterflies in Steve’s stomach were now bursting like fireworks. He squinted his eyes shut harder and let his smile take over, “Step one, win Wayne over. Step two, introduce you to my parents.”

“I’ll put on my most terrifying clothing and draw on some face tattoos.” Eddie mumbled.

“Perfect.” Steve smiled, “They’re gonna hate you.”

“Well, as long as you love me I’ll be right.” And he really didn’t mean to say it like that, it just slipped off his tongue. It’s late and he’s tired - half asleep, actually - and Steve just made his thoughts all foggy. Especially Steve, shirtless, in his bed, in his arms. And so yeah, he said something sort of awkward given their situation, and he didn’t really notice what he had done until Steve eventually responded. And he took a long time to respond, his brain short circuiting for a moment, his thoughts racing until he landed on one.

“Well,” He sighed, lacing his fingers over Eddies and bringing their hands up so he could kiss along his knuckles, just as Eddie had done to him, he pressed their hands back against his chest, forcing their hug to tighten, “it’s a good thing I do.”

#jay writes #oblivious #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #theyre super oblivious to eachothers feelings #steddie first kiss #angst #mega angst #spin the bottle realisations #side jargyle #side ronance #side byler #side lumax #bi steve #gay eddie #stranger things #stranger things 4

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blood-darkened-moon · 3 months ago

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You know we observe characters during important and private events, but sometimes I think about what they are like doing mundane things. What are your headcannons on what Alfred, Alexa, Ruben and Laura be like on like public transit? Or what vibes would they give off? What would they be like in a classroom? Would it be sorta like "I don't know but there's something bad about those two".

Hi anon! I will separate this a bit, so behavior/vibes on public transport as adults and behavior/vibes in the classroom as a child/teenager.

Public Transport

Ruben (without the fire) Ruben wouldn’t stand out too much on public transport. As long as it’s not particularly crowded, he sits where the least people are sitting. Ruben always minds his own business. He either stares out of the window or reads a book and seems to take little notice of his surroundings. If someone comes too close to him, he would give them some dark looks before returning to his other activities.

He would not make a friendly impression on others, and if it was crowded, he would not necessarily be the first person you would want to sit next to. However, he would not come across as so unpleasant to others that they would avoid him completely.

Laura Laura’s favorite color is red. Her clothes would make her stand out a little, but apart from that, she would be rather inconspicuous. She listens to music most of the time and, like her brother, is more concerned with her own affairs. However, she makes a friendly impression on others. Laura often smiles when strangers make eye contact. If someone is sitting next to her, she sometimes talks with them.

Alfred and Alexia The only scenario in which the two would be on public transport at all is because Alexia wants to try it out and drags Alfred along. Alexia would have fun watching people. Where else could you find so many inferior creatures crowded together in such a small space? Alfred would just be disgusted by literally everything, dirty people, dirty seats, dirty handrails, and a dirty floor. He hopes Alexia gets bored and that they can finally go home again. Alfred would also be on the verge of going berserk every time someone accidentally touches him as they walk past.

The twins would definitely stand out simply because they look completely out of place. Their clothing style would immediately make you realize that they have too much money to belong to the kind of people who usually use public transport. To others, the two appear quite odd. They don’t seem to want to go anywhere in particular and stare directly at people. They are also completely clueless when it comes to using public transport (after all, they never do this). They speculate about where to get tickets and how to stop the vehicle. They would also go in the completely wrong direction several times or get off at the wrong stops.

School

Ruben (without or before the fire) Ruben is a loner who rarely talks to his classmates. He sits at the back. It’s hard to say whether Ruben follows the lessons or not. He rarely participates actively, but he usually knows the answers to the questions asked and has very good grades.

Ruben does not shy away from violence if someone tries to mess with him but does not attack first. His classmates are afraid of him, so no one tries to tease him. There are many rumors about him. Various pupils claim that he has killed animals in different ways. He is said to have burnt a cat and skinned a dog. Some also say that he once even killed a child. Every time a pet disappears or a dead animal is found, the rumors flare up again. However, no one can really prove it. It was always the “friend of a cousin” or similar people who are said to have seen him doing it.

Most teachers don’t have a particularly strong opinion of him. On the one hand, Ruben rarely gets involved in lessons, doesn’t seem to have any friends, and is admittedly a bit strange, but on the other hand, he doesn’t disrupt class and performs very well. In addition, he is polite and intelligent. If it weren’t for the rumors, he would be rather inconspicuous. However, most teachers don’t pay much attention to them, just stupid kids’ talk. Ruben’s parents are known to be strictly religious. The teachers, therefore, attribute his somewhat strange behavior to his upbringing. However, some teachers also find him creepy. Perhaps there is some truth to the rumors after all?

To other adults, he seems educated and well-mannered. A little quiet and withdrawn, but not directly shy. He usually leaves a positive impression on them.

Laura Laura is popular with classmates and teachers alike. It’s difficult to find anyone who doesn’t like her. She is open, warm-hearted, and helpful. Her performance is good but not outstanding. She is artistically very talented, though. She is also frequently engaged in organizing school celebrations.

After school, Laura rarely spends time with her friends, though. Her parents don’t want her to spend too much time with them as they don’t really trust them. They especially don’t want her hanging out with boys. They might encourage Laura to do something naughty or make her drink alcohol, smoke, or even take drugs. That’s why she spends most of her free time playing with her little brother at home.

Although she is very popular, the other students know surprisingly little about her. She rarely talks about her private life.

Alexia Even if Alexander had given her time to grow up more “normally” and she attended school like a normal child, she would still stand out. Due to her intelligence, she has skipped several classes and is by far the youngest in her class. As a child, Alexia sits among teenagers who are almost finished with school. Alexia looks down on her classmates who, despite their age, don’t even come close to her performance. She only talks to them when necessary, for school projects, for example, otherwise, she has no interest in making friends with them or getting to know them in any other way. When Alexia does talk to them, she is always manipulative, demanding, and more authoritarian than you would expect from a child of her age. She is also arrogant, condescending, and seems unapproachable to others.

Alexia is anything but popular with her classmates because of her behavior, but also because of envy and resentment, yet some of them try to suck up to her. Being friends with her could bring advantages. After all, she comes from a wealthy family.

Alexia is not on good terms with her teachers either. She is more educated than them in many fields. Alexia also hates that the lessons are so slow and that the pace is too much aimed at the weaker students. However, Alexia knows how to behave, which is why she keeps her aversion to a minimum, apart from a few sarcastic remarks here and there. In class, however, she is under-challenged and often mentally absent due to boredom, or she occupies herself with other things. Her behavior is generally tolerated, as she is still by far the best in the class (and the daughter of a multimillionaire).

All the teachers, without exception, are impressed by her achievements, but opinions of her as a person vary widely. Some like her, some hate her because of her snooty and condescending manner, some find her creepy because she doesn’t seem like a child her age.

To strangers who talk to Alexia, she doesn’t seem like a child, more like an adult. It quickly becomes apparent that she is highly intelligent and educated. She is also always informed about current political events and can easily hold conversations, even on complex topics. Alexia also has good manners. There is probably no one who would not be deeply impressed by her.

Alfred Alfred has also skipped a few classes, but not as many as his sister. Accordingly, he would be the youngest in his class as well. At first glance, Alfred would certainly be the typical victim of bullying, smaller and younger than the others, physically not particularly strong-looking, and he always gets good grades. However, the exact opposite is the case: he is the one who bullies others. Alfred hangs out with a few older boys from class who are kind of his friends. Actually, he sees them more as his henchmen, who mostly do the dirty work for him. (Alexia is his only real friend.)

Alfred likes to inflict pain on others, and he knows how to hurt someone without leaving visible marks. Even his friends are sometimes afraid of him. Bullying others is one thing, but with Alfred, you never know if he might go too far and accidentally(?) kill someone. Most of the teachers know what Alfred is doing but ignore it as long as he doesn’t get anyone in the hospital. At most, he gets scolded a little, but he doesn’t take this seriously. With as much money as his family has, he can get away with almost anything.

Like Alexia, Alfred comes across as arrogant and condescending to his classmates, and he is also irascible. Although he is probably the biggest asshole in the school, he is surprisingly popular. Alfred knows these people are all gold-diggers, though. He has nothing but contempt for them. At best, he takes advantage of them and makes them false promises.

Alfred also leaves a similarly intelligent and educated impression on strangers as Alexia. He always shows his best behavior towards them. However, Alfred’s age is more noticeable than his sister’s, even though he is quite mature for his age.

#resident evil #the evil within #alfred ashford #alexia ashford #ashford twins #ruben victoriano #ruvik #laura victoriano #re hcs #tew hcs #ask #🩸🌙

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cryptid-pet · 1 year ago

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Azushin Mermaid AU Headcanons I Created at the Bottom of the Ocean Part III

Okay, NOW we are getting into the Azushin relationship itself in this one, this also will go for part IV too

Couple Tws >>> Verbal assault, threats, implied gore, physical assault//self harm

This is sorta going to be hard for me to explain since it made more sense in my head, so PLEASE bear with me, y'all wanted this early

I'd like to think of it as Azusa wasn't alone, he was Ruki beause he's the eldest (Duhhhh?)

As I mentioned before, they don't go out during nighttime because that's like the perfect time for Carla and Shin to get down to business

It's like a tiny situation that Azusa HAS to make a big deal, and I'm talking about him loosing Christina on his way home

Azusa refuses to look for her the following day and it was already late enough, Yuma nor Kou honestlyyyy didn't wanna go for themselves to look with the kid (Ahh I love Ruki, obviously he'd give in and go help)

It was suppose to be a quick look around where Azusa came to and fro their home. Him AND Ruki were out for one SINGLE hour

They easily lost track of time and accidentally went faaaar off from home, which leads to everything else >>>

Ususally, the Mukami's don't pay a lot of attention to whatever is above them (You know like if there's a bird in the water if they're THAT close to the surface from underwater, it's stupid and minor)

When I tell you this bigass shadow covered roughly where Ruki and Azusa were, I'm talking about it covering everything AROUND them

It was easily worth waiting and planning for months for this moment because such a mission underway worked perfectly for the Hunter Brothers

It was too smooth in fact, as if they knew how fast Azusa would be and easily the knowledge Ruki gained of the two (Though they first thought any mermaid or merman would be stupid, but the Mukamis are pretty clever)

Ruki was the first to be caught when pushing Azusa out of the way of a sudden trap

Darts, yes, from a tranquilizer gun were shot in the water ONLY at Azusa (Again, he's fast as shit, you gotta least make the kid passed out in order to capture him

Ruki and Azusa were actually kept in seperate rooms that were almost similar looking, Carla would try and gather data from Ruki and Shin would from Azusa

Again, Azusa really doesn't have much information about who the Hunter Brothers are other than "They aren't nice people to mankind" and that's it

Reminder too, Shin was the FIRST human EVER Azusa has seen, so when seeing him again after waking up in a strange place, it did make him nervous

Nothing too intense happens, but Shin does verbal harassment to Azusa and the kid doesn't quite understand the meanings

Azusa doesn't actually say a single WORD as Shin explains what is going on, he just tilts his head and often will nod

What was freaky was that in the room both Mukamis were in already had things from stuffed dolphins, crabs, sear horse, etc, it was just a huge trigger for them

It's unknown if after research that Ruki and Azusa would be killed just for their scales and tails, but easily can be doubted that they won't be sent back into the water

During this entire thing, Ruki and Azusa weren't allowed to see each other nor get any updates of one another from Carla or Shin

There was a lot of threats coming from Shin, such as saying if Azusa did try to escape (Not like he would, he's half fish) that he'd pour oil into the tank he was in to kill him, put piranahs in the water to bit and cause injuries (You know like tearing at his flesh aggressively)

Of course Azusa was horrified, why wouldn't he be?

The public hasn't ben told about the Hunter Brothers catching, not one, but TWO merman, it's going to stay like this until further notice

When the first week went by, Azusa had a couple scales scrapped off him forcefully for testing towards Carla’s illness and even to establish a price of selling

It’s unknown if Ruki has gone through the same treatment as Azusa

Since Azusa doesn’t poke his head out of the water a lot for air, he easily got sick with the times he did from the large tank (Sure, you could say he can get out easily but he clearly wouldn’t get far when flopping right on the cold ground)

Despite the rooms being displayed of stuffed, polished animals, Shin purposely will even bring a living animal and kill it right in front of Azusa

Kou and Yuma can’t even keep track with how long Ruki and Azusa have been gone, they even went to search for them on their own

The more Shin came to get shit from Azusa, the more Azusa just gave in, though couldn’t determine the reason why

Azusa likely got his masochism from Shin treating him poorly and grew adjusted to it

Shin sorta got creeped out with how Azusa let him to what he liked just to make sure Ruki would be safe, but paid no attention

At the very start, around day two of being capture, Shin said he’d give Azusa some rewards if he didn’t put up a fight (Nothing special, like giving him a bigger tank and whatever)

There’s a saying Azusa made up with how there’s no such thing as a bad person, so he wants to believe the Hunter Brothers are doing what they do for their own necessarily, he’s willing to at least try and trust them until they are released

Right off the bat, Carla and Shin could tell Azusa was naive, which was a sly advantage knowing taking Ruki into a separate room would make it harder on Azusa (He needs that guidance)

[1/4] [2/4] [4/4] [Caruki Addition]

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xdollydoodlesx · 7 months ago

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Just remembered I have a Wally Darling oc who’s based off the plushe I got of him. Backstory being they got brought to life by my adminsona Dolly… god that sounds cringe but screw it they are found family and they go on multiverse adventures together!

(Sorry for length I dunno how to put that ‘read more’ thing. I’m on mobile - -‘)

Enjoy a written desc cus I can’t art him to save my damn life 💚

-The inner curl of their pompadour shifts to green forming a lil heart shape

-Small cloth patches of various colors n shapes (like cloth stickers) lightly speckle his body from past mishaps

-He does still have his original outfit but when exploring he wears an outfit Dolly handmade for him… it’s still Welcome home themed ofc!

-Sports a special backpack/fannypack tho his is either inspired by Home or an apple, it’s packed to the brim with art supplies given he enjoys drawing the various folks n places he comes across… and hair care stuff… and pretty pebbles…

-Like cannon he’s around 3 feet tall meaning he’s a short stack like Dolly… well she’s taller cus 5” > 3” but that doesn’t make her more ‘mature’ that’s for sure XD

-Due to only knowing what their fandom creator has public his knowledge on his lore/etc varies but above all he’s still able to form into his own person.

For personality he’s mostly the same vibe-wise tho the knowledge of fandoms and his own existence kinda weigh on him sometimes… and he’s definitely not the best with self defense given he lacks Original!Wally’s abilities. (Eat via staring/etc)

He tends to take a bit when processing things + forgetful tho what he lacks in speedy actions n words he makes up for in being patient, creative, and ngl often the main braincell holder of the pair.

Also he be surprisingly stealthy having led to more than a few unintentional jumpscares. XD

For lore there isn’t much.

My adminsona has been lonely for a while and getting that plushe gave me the idea to make them into a friend for her, like to think she took the doll n animated it using a part of herself. ^^

Silly headcannons:

-Wally can technically consume but does not like eating things that require a lot of chewing/effort (Accepted noms include Puddings, ice, simple soups, jello, hard candies, ice cream, drinks n that sorta thing. Surprisingly has a fondness for non-painful sour or salty things)

-Due to being based on olden times (lol) he was flabbergasted by modern tech leading to many funny scenarios, doesn’t really use it much tho out of preference

-Dolly has given him piggyback rides or flat out carried him like a sack of potatoes when her energy outruns his.

-They are the only reason Dolly decides to find a quiet spot in the multiverse to form any sort of base in and ngl she’s thankful for it. Never having a real home took more of a toll then she realized… along with other health related things.

-They swap ‘little sibling/big sibling’ energy fr

-Wally once visited his home fandom but ended up quickly leaving due to the emotions being too much, now he’ll simply watch from the back lines lowkey surprised his world has so many versions and interps.

-Even with Dolly’s help he never really gets the hang of sewing… the similarity of his ‘skin’ and cloth wigs him out. He’s fine getting repairs tho.

-Dolly made him plushe’s of all his friends which he keeps in his pack at all times, he sometimes talks to them when alone which thankfully isn’t too often.

#dolly babble #oc related #god I love himmmmmb

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hollyhomburg · 10 months ago

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@trifoliumrex Honestly, I think they all should be telling each other to shut up more often like for one! If someone fucked shit up and wouldn’t shut up about it I would be like!!!!! Silence fool!!! Hmmm car talk not trail talk, I’m thinking about if this was re-written in mind of the m/c, maybe “this is murder talk not cuddle talk” or Jin “this is soup talk not fbi talk” I could really keep goin~

I think it’s very girl of Tae, but also i wanted to touch with her character on how sometimes when people you love do bad things it’s sorta easy to have a “if I didn’t see it in person does it really effect me? Sure if they did that thing to me I’d be pissed but as of right now 👀” because I think that people are like that a lot (cough cough- my older sister)

I AGREE- Hobi and the m/c are such soulmatessssss <3 I can’t wait to get to the epilogue but!!! (epilogue spoilers) they get matching tattoo’s~ their little version of mating marks and soulmate marks- because they’ve chosen each other in the way the world never would have.

Tbh, I think Namjoon’s reaction of “I wish I was one of your limits” was probably the most realistically written parts of this story- so thank you for praising it! I think while Namjoon isn’t a /jealous/ person persay, he also is not someone that Yoongi has ever had to protect in the same way that he’s protected the others. Namjoon and him are the protectors of the pack (Jimin and Jin too, but in a different way) and Namjoon is at that moment- really wanting that not to be true, not because he doesn’t want to be a protector- but to be adversarial with Yoongi is taking it’s tole on their relationship. That’s the personal cost you touched so nicely on!!!

Oooooooh I love the way you put this next part- how Moonbyul’s view of the m/c is so different from how the pack sees her is so true! Moonbyul is so greedy and obsessive that she tends to latch on to the parts of herself she sees in other people and not much else. I have such a version of the m/c in my head that would have been theirs, but what gets me the most is how terrified I think she’d be, she’d never have grown out of her fear the same way she has at this point of the story.

Noodle is gonna have! So many good moments!!! Coming up 👀 I cannot spoil it because IT’S LITTERALLY THE BEST but….noodle mvp. Jimin’s gonna regret that dig.

Thank you so much for your public and private support of this story, I seriously don’t know where I’d be without it <3 I know I promised violence but!!!! Next chapter!!! I promise!!!!

Before I Leave You (Pt.65)

(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: The truth always comes out one way or another, and with Jimin temporarily whisked away for surgery- it's up to you and yoongi to answer Namjoon's questions.

Tags: Angst, blood, guns, murder, discussions of morality, descriptions of dead bodies, discussion of past spousal abuse, confessions, hurt/comfort, sickfic, hospitals, reconciliation, vmin focus, Trans! tae, Everybody lives nobody dies,

W/c: 15.0k

A/N: this chapter is a bit heavy on the dialogue but! sorry that this chapter came out when it did, we're finally here! sorry for the break in chapters- I got some not great news about a family members health and wanted to spend some extra time with them over the holidays.

Previous part - Masterlist - First part

The abandoned industrial building rises without warning from the mist and fog. You could almost call in lonely. Although it has its comfort in its stillness, the same way that monsters that do not move do not instill fear. A foe vanquished but not forgotten.

The body. The dust. The puddle of blood by the door is more than enough evidence for plausible deniability. The faint splatter of it here and there like confetti left after a parade, or flower petals that fall in spring and pile up like snow.

Moonbyul stands in the doorway, like a pagan in a house of God. Out of place and out of mind. Dark coat unblemished by dust or blood. She doesn’t stoop to touch the ground or try and clean up the evidence from Jimin and Jin’s misbegotten hours here. She doesn’t think Hobi’s name, although she knows it.

God does she know it.

She’s poured over all the files that her men have collected about your pack for weeks now. Searching out weaknesses like a snake searches rabbit holes for soft fur and an easy meal. She’d spent the most time lingering over Tae’s file. The photos that shift from short hair to long, lipstick that she finds too pink and distasteful.

Red is better color.

She'd spent a long time pouring over Jin’s too because she’d needed to. Jimin and her cousins had been glossed over. She already knows enough about them to last a lifetime.

But only one file had given her paper cuts. Revenge on paper is not as sweet as it should be.

She doesn’t need to read that file anymore. Although she hears the words that the youth said so many months ago on repeat, you and Hobi in the coffee shop caught only on security camera. “I think I heard something I shouldn’t have”. As well as the ones that followed.

Contrary to popular belief, Moonbyul doesn’t like killing. She views it only as a necessity. She looks at the blood on the floor without any disgust. It’s been a long time since she’s cleaned up any alpha's mess, and she’s not going to start now.

She looks down at the blood and smiles. It’s a rare thing- seeing her smile. It’s different from her grin that bares her teeth. Sharped incisors changed and honed just before she’d been appointed the head of the moon family.

She remembers her mother's words when she’d looked at them in the mirror for the first time, She remembers that she could still taste the file they'd used to carve them. Metallic, like blood on her tongue.

“All the most dangerous alphas have fangs; you’ll need to learn to use them if you want to fill your father’s shoes.”

Familial death is more of a rite of passage than a time for mourning in the family. A time when power shifts and secrets get covered up or aired out. Like the moon waxing and waning.

Moonbyul hadn’t been born with fangs, the way alphas always are. Moonbyul hadn’t been born with a lot of things.

A smiling Moonbyul is either a happy or a bloodthirsty one. And a happy Moonbyul, when properly stroked- means they get privileges.

Privileges in their pack, amount to small little things most of the time. A night where they don’t have to take the heat inducers. A night where they can wear comfy sweats instead of the lingerie and stifling silk. But if they're extra sweet and good they get better things. A free evening where they can see their families as long as they come home before sunrise.

“Do you think he’s dead?” Solar is dressed as her clone today, with stockings pulled up her milky thighs flashing beneath the long hem. Extra extra cute in the way that she loops her arm into Moonbyuls and pouts. as if she's upset that her alpha is paying more attention to the murder than her.

She still smells faintly of sex, moonbyul, and her own ginger scent. Not like fresh cut- the kind that baked goods have around Christmas time.

Moonbyul smiles, rapping her long nails against where Solar's arm is curled around hers clinging to her as if her life depends on it. It does- Moonbyul and her both know it does. But Solar has always been a good pet. She’s never needed quite as much correction as Wheein who likes to know exactly where her cage ends and begins, or like Hyejin- who needs nearly as much combatting and careful maneuvering as their enemies.

She'd learned from Hyejin. Had never let the others have quite as much freedom or get used to challenging her. There's a reason why Hyejin had demanded to wear her mating mark and why Moonbyul had let her have it.

Omega's however sweet and however docile, still need a cage. Moonbyul's only ever tried to branch out of her tastes once, and she won't ever do it again. Disastrous as alphas are. They make piss-poor lovers and disobedient needy pets.

She sighs. Alphas and their messes.

In truth, the pack could use someone truly obedient, someone for whom being good is as easy as breathing to balance them out. The pack could use a good pup. The pack could use you.

Moonbyul burns in want, stewing in it ravenous. It’s not love, it’s not even really lust either. She’s never been an easily sated person. She’s always wanted too much, always finished the whole pint of ice cream in one sitting. She’s always wanted everything.

That’s why she’s smiling, because she’s about to get it.

She stands a little straighter, holding out her palm. “Why don’t we go see.” Moonbyul doesn’t turn to leave, however. She doesn't walk towards the body dumped at the back of the building, still bearing Jin's fingerprints. A single strand of hair would do it. She doesn’t make any move other than to reach into her pocket and take out a lighter.

She thinks of the family's assassins; The Bee, The Spider and The Wolf. She thinks of Park Jimin. The snake. Hopefully either dead or in the process of dying.

The body in the back of the building is another one of hers. She never thought that this would be the end of the Wolf, he'd always been one of their most reliable killers. Always showed up on time too, an exemplary employee. Not to be easily duped. She'll have to figure this out and pin down What did him in. But that will take time and energy, only one of which she has.

He was only supposed to wait in the wings and ensure that neither Park Jimin nor Kim Seokjin left this building alive, nothing more.

Sometimes things are just coincidences, sometimes if you're lucky- they're just bad luck.

This doesn't feel like bad luck, this feels like revenge.

Solar makes a noise in her throat, a questioning chirp. She really is trying to be her cutest right now. Moonbyul won’t reward her in a way that she likes, a way that she wants. Even songbirds still feel the itch to fly. Clipped wings and all.

She looks at the flame, sparking.

“Why won’t you just leave the evidence? Wouldn’t that be easier?” Solar is not as good as Hyejin at handling this sort of thing, not as experienced. But she’s currently handling other more important things. Things that need her finer touch.

Solar doesn’t understand why Moonbyuls going to light this place up like a fucking Christmas tree and do Seokjin’s dirty work for him. Solar is only a pup, and she’s been kept like that because Moonbyul likes pupish omegas.

She likes the innocence and obedience that people who weren't made for this kind of life have. So eager to please that they're willing to debase their souls. There is no greater sacrifice, no greater sign of love than someone willing to do anything for you.

This also happens to be why she likes you. Why she will have you. because neither Solar nor Wheein have ever been as good at this as you were. The perfect medium between sinful and pious. Cute even while killing.

And 5 is a prettier number than 4. 3 pups for her and Hyejin is a prettier number than 2. They need more than one for each.

Just one more pup, and then their collection will be complete. It took them so long to find the right one, so much trial and error. (Moonbyul despises errors. She's going to try and kill one before this is through)

She won’t let you slip through their grasp, not a second time. You should have never been Yoongi's.

“Wouldn’t it be easier to leave this as evidence? So that the FBI gets them all? We could just like- buy them off if they wanted to take her too-”

“Oh pup” she croons, half gentle. Flicking the lighter and letting it burn in front of her face before she tosses it The soil is so soaked through with gasoline that it lights as easily as a candle, slowly spreading from wall to wall and then- in the doorway, until the heat is too much and they have to move away.

“That wouldn’t be any fun now, would it?”

~-~

(Now, Namjoon)

Namjoon’s shirt is soaked so thoroughly with blood that it makes him cold. The hospital always feels cold, goosebumps rise like a mini mountain ranges on his arms. The hair pressed down where the blood has dried.

It’s not his first time covered in blood, but this time feels different.

He’s shivering, teeth clattering. His hands shake almost too bad to fill out the intake paperwork because he’d rather do it now than later. Park Jimin (registered, Kim) Alpha, weight 165 lbs (give or take a few). Blood type AB. No medications. No known allergies, no known prior conditions. No no no.

No.

Namjoon’s hands shake. He leaves Jimin’s ‘occupation’ blank.

Yoongi sits a few paces back, staring vacantly off into space. On the surface Namjoon would assume that he’s having no reaction and is feeling absolutely heartless about everything that's happened in the last 3 hours. But his breath becomes stuttered every few minutes, like he has to manually force himself to inhale and exhale. Like it’s taking all of Yoongi’s faculties to keep himself breathing and upright and not in a heap on the floor having a mental breakdown.

He kind of wishes Yoongi was crying and screaming instead. Then at least- Namjoon would feel like he had to be the strong one.

He can't get the feeling of stabbing Jimin out of his head, or the sound it it, the wet squelch of knife hitting skin.

Namjoon has cut into people thousands if not hundreds of thousands of times by now. But he’s only cut into someone he loves once, and god Namjoon never wants to do it again- won’t ever be able to touch warm prone flesh and hurt it, not after Minnie. Never again.

The pen in his hand weighs a million pounds. He contemplates asking for a piece of paper and writing out his resignation letter. he breathes in for 5 and out for 9, then sets it down on the clipboard and slides it across the counter for the nurse to take. Namjoon doesn’t hear her quiet tone asking him if he's alright and if there's anything she can do. just shakes his head on instinct.

There is a gaggle of nurses looking around the corner peering at Dr. Kim.

"Do you think he dresses like that outside of work hours?" "I never thought I'd be so attracted to jeans and a tee-shirt." Giggling in quiet voices.

It feels so strange, to hear people laughing while Jimin is dying. Namjoon almost wants to go bite their heads off and report them for poor bedside manner to the hospital manager.

This is Namjoon’s hospital. But Namjoon can’t find it in himself to smile or say thank you to the nurse when she tells him that the second she gets any news on Jimin, he'll be the first to know. He can’t say anything through the mountain of emotion in his throat.

If Namjoon’s love is a mountain, then his anguish is a river threatening to drown him. Yoongi smells like it- the line where water turns clear to brackish, Yoongi’s miserable scent has always smelled like the churning sea and now something that feels an awful lot like seasickness makes Namjoon sway on his feet.

Since he’s done with the paperwork, he promptly returns to Yoongi’s side and sits down. Only once he's sure he's stationary, does he pull a nearby wastebasket over between his knees to upend the contents of his stomach. It hits the top of old gauze pads crumpled up at the bottom and smelling like piss with a surprisingly violent sound, drawing the gaze of more than one person in the waiting room. At least it finally quiets the giggles.

Yoongi’s hand finds Namjoon’s knee, the hole in his jeans, The back of his ribs, stroking once twice. steady and hard the way that Namjoon likes. And Namjoon wishes he could snap at Yoongi. Wishes he didn’t curl into the touch. Wishes he was angrier. Wishes Jimin was perfectly alive and breathing and not going to-

Yoongi’s hand settles on the back of Namjoon’s neck, his throat, pulse hammering, thudding.

They’re just kids and Yoongi's hands are calloused. They've always been.

Deep down Namjoon still feels like he’s only 8 years old. Is just a kid and just starting to understand that the world isn’t all just papercuts and skinned knees; that it means something when people hurt. That it means something when you tell them you won’t let them hurt anymore.

He remembers promising Jimin something similar- a long time ago, the summer they all first met:

Namjoon remembers Jimin, standing in the apartment that wasn't theirs yet, after a movie night, the first movie night that the pack had ever had togeather (not totally togeather, becuase you and hobi hadn't been there yet but still).

It was the first time Namjoon had ever seen Jimin in something other than a designer sweater, sweats and a tee-shirt so ordinary that Namjoon was surprised it didn't make him look less intimidating. standing in the doorway waiting for Namjoon to notice him and look up from his medical journal.

"Yes Minnie? Did you need something?" jimin had shifted from foot to foot. looking up at jimin, a first slice of vulnerability in his eyes.

"Tae and Jungkook, they've got a bit of pain in them. I want to know what you intend to do with it." namjoon set his glasses to the side, the papers rustling as he forgets his reason.

"Make it better hopefully?" Namjoon had been struck with how oddly intense he'd been. Jimin had opened up with time and had gone sweet and trusting with the right amount of love. But he'd looked intimidating in his dark clothes and the wrinkle between his eyes like he was used to furrowing his eyebrows. A cute detail that Namjoon already wants to brush away. To touch. to cradle. To love.

He'll catalogue all of Park Jimin's cutest things in time. He'll treat love as a scavenger hunt, to find the softness in someone who tries so outwardly to be gruff and strong.

Namjoon's stained sleep clothes and promises felt all the more shabby in comparison.

"I need you to promise."

Namjoon had avoided it. Unwilling to meet his words with the same intensity. Jimin doesn't take chances with Jungkook and Tae. Tae's low laugh from the other room, Yoongi's matching grumble, overly fond already. Overly fond from the beginning.

"What about you? Doesn't everyone have pain?"

"Just promise."

"I promise to look after the three of you." Jimin had scoffed. Puffing up like a bird with too many feathers.

"I don't need looking after. Just them- when I go away for work."

"I know, but let me do it anyway." Smiling at the pretty alpha was so easy, so easy with the sounds of Jungkook and Jin's giggles in the other room. Laughter building itself into the walls around them.

"I promise not to hurt you or them. You have my word."

Namjoon lied, Namjoon lied back then and he didn't even know it. He upends his stomach again and Yoongi rubs down his spine.

“He’s not going to die Joon, he’s going to be fine.” Namjoon continues to empty his stomach, it’s pizza mostly, a bit of coffee, and a half-digested protein bar from this morning as well.

“Does hurting the people you love ever get easier?” Namjoon asks. Honesty, not anger in his tone.

Yoongi’s hair has gotten longer and hangs in his eyes. Yoongi never grew his hair out before you, always kept it in that short black sort of coconutty style. It makes him look older and all the more beautiful. Namjoon wonders if that’s why you like it; How regal it makes your mate look.

Yoongi has asked so much of Namjoon in the last few years, from leaving to coming back and bringing you. To hiding the mating mark and now this. Namjoon tells himself he should care more about Yoongi's lies and less about the fact that he just lied, period.

“No,” Yoongi grimaces. He always gets so quiet when things are bad, steady in that consistent way. He still hasn't stopped stroking Namjoon's back. Namjoon knows this is simply all Yoongi knows how to do, his first instinct is to love and not much else. “It was never easy.”

It’s not weird that they re-hash this now. Every time Namjoon learns more about how and why Yoongi left, he understands it more.

“I threw up too, just so you know- when I left, leaving you made me so sick that I hurled the second I got on that train. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” He blinks back wetness in his eyes, “I don't remember if I've ever told you that."

Namjoon nods. He can't remember right now either.

It’s been an hour or so now since Yoongi drove fast but steady steady steady to the hospital. Namjoon in the back while he stabilized Jimin in much the same fashion that you'd done earlier. The rest of the pack should be here soon. The three of you only lingered behind to clean up a bit and change your clothes, covered with blood and muck and who knows what else.

Yoongi sits like a statue and Namjoon can’t even look at him, can’t ask any questions or even start because he already feels like he’s yelling, and Namjoon hates yelling. This isn't isn’t exactly the most private venue for secrets that could land Jimin in jail.

Namjoon's still not entirely convinced that stabbing him was worth it. Namjoon’s brain is dizzy with terror. He’s still dizzy when he turns and sees you walking through the front doors to his hospital, Jin and Hobi trailing behind you.

He remembers the way you’d looked the day they’d gotten you checked out for the first time; how you’d run and pressed your face to his chest and buried your face there like just the sound of Namjoon's heart could make every demon and monster go away. For a moment, Namjoon thinks you might do the same thing. But your steps are measured, slow, and purposeful.

Namjoons eyes train on you, following you as you walk,

Yoongi stands, leaving Namjoon sitting with a cooling pail of vomit between his legs. he says something to you, to jin, but you don't pause, continuing until you're standing in front of him.

You don't say anything to him, just peer into the bucket and make a disgusted face down at it. Namjoon's teeth feel too sharp in his mouth with such a tense jaw.

Hoseok is on the phone, face gaunt and tired-looking. He must have drawn the short end of the stick and has the job of calling Jungkook and Tae and telling them what happened. They really shouldn’t drive themselves, but all Namjoon can reasonably do is restrain himself from cornering you and Jin and start demanding answers.

He barely even turns to Jin when the omega goes up to the desk and asks if they can have a room, please. A private place for the pack to nurse their worries and not crowd the already-packed waiting room. Namjoon couldn’t name the nurse by name right now if he wanted to but he’s well known here and well-liked too. They give them one of the adjacent exam rooms to wait- Jimin’s surgery will take a few hours more, and there isn’t anything to do but wait.

Terrible terrible waiting, terrible terrible time. (You get a bucket when you want a drop and a drop when you want a deluge. Time only comes in two increments; too much or not enough.)

You drop a hand on Namjoon’s shoulder without a word. After some beckoning Namjoon follows you into the room. Legs shaking and sluggish at first. The pack is quiet even as the door closes.

But once Namjoon's moving it’s hard to stop, careening like a comet or a bullet in your direction. Staggering.

You’d taken precious seconds to change your blood stained clothes before following Namjoon. You all pulled on the first things you could get your hands on. Which is how you’ve ended up in your mate’s shirt and Jungkook’s jacket, and how Hoseok’s in one of Tae’s extra-large pink sleep shirts stained from hair dye underneath Namjoon’s puffer coat and a pair of jungkook's grey work out sweats. Jin had been a little bit more purposeful- his sweatpants match- his matching purple set.

Namjoon's shirt is dark from blood, the bloodstain drying crusty, sticking to his skin like glue.

To say that Namjoon is angry is an understatement; rage rolls off of him in quiet unending ripples carrying with it the strength to change the pack for good if he’s not careful. He doesn't walk to the chairs no- he bee-lines it to you.

He watches you startle and turn, eyes widening. You do not make to move out of his path.

Namjoon has never made you feel afraid before, but the pulse of it, the threat of fear is there as he backs you against the wall until your body lies against it. Looming over your head, so much taller and larger than you.

An alpha. An alpha hunting.

You tremble but you do not move to avoid him when he corners you.

He has a tiny bit of blood on his face, and a hairline splatter, almost like a constellation of stars across his temple. His fingers are harsh and shaking when they dig into your cheeks, pinching them until your lips open. Your knees tremble and you press your palm flat against the wall.

His scent thunders so thick and consuming that you can't physically stop yourself from trying to bear your throat. Namjoon stops you, holding you in place.

His eyes are dark and heavy-lidded as he looks down at you, He pinches your cheeks harder, shakinging you just a little. His voice is steady when he speaks, inches away from low snarl.

“Never make me hurt one of our packmates again.” You swallow, although it’s hard. And he pinches again- harder before you get a chance to speak- to try and defend why you brandished that knife at Jimin hours ago. Namjoon holds your face the same way he held the knife- tenderly.

“I mean it. Never.”

He holds you there for a second longer before he lets you go, leaving you gasping. His hand slides down your throat to your shoulder and neck, You would fall over if it wasn't for his touch keeping you up.

“I’m sorry.” You choke out, a few stingy tears making themselves known at the corner of your eyes. Namjoon rests his forehead against yours and closes his eyes. His spiky silver hair hits your skin. Rough.

After a second, he opens them again. Nodding. And his scent loses its bitter edge. He guides you to rest against his chest. You take big gasps of his scent now that he's giving you permission. Your instincts thunder through you so viciously that you can't physically stop yourself from tilting your neck and bearing your throat.

Namjoon just drags a finger down it, humming. He holds you up, arms around you, a shield and a cage.

“It’s not okay.” I’m not okay, “but I forgive you.” Your knees do give out when Namjoon’s hand brushes the back of your neck, fingers digging in, a half hearted scruff that feels a bit like an apology of his own.

Even if he wants to be angry, anger won’t accomplish anything. Especially with you. His anger will only make you afraid and although Namjoon cannot be expected to control his emotions all the time, you have no reason to fear him.

He's never going to hurt you. He promised.

He walks you two strides, to put you into a chair next to Yoongi. Your mate takes you from him. The plastic chair makes a loud scraping noise against the linoleum floor. Jin's on your other side looking just as tired as the rest of you.

You'll get no rest tonight, sleeping in Jimin's hospital room when he gets out of surgery. Every fitful dream interrupted by the oxygen monitor on his arm. the first few hours when it will go off twice and prompt examination of his vasculature and operation site as well as a fresh dose of blood thinners. The biggest danger going forward will be blood clots; one too large in jimin's arm could leave his hand with nerve damage, numb for good.

But for now, Namjoon looks down at you, yoongi, and jin sitting in the plastic chairs. Secret, killer, and agent. All there in a pretty little row. Namjoon glares down at the three of you and crosses his arms.

“Explain.” Namjoon can’t wait another minute, another second. “Explain to me everything going on in my pack that I don't know about right now or I swear I'll-"

Yoongi scoffs, "That you'll what? That you'll tear us apart Namjoon? that you'll leave? Look around you- we're already falling to pieces."

"You don't honestly expect me not to be angry that I had to stab jimin do you-"

"No, but don't yell at her. I have my limits."

"I wish I was one of those limits, but i'm clearly not since you insist on fucking over our pack-"

Jin turns, cutting them off from their argument with the true shock of his next words. You know that's what he's intending- but it sort of backfires. "Joonie, Don't get mad at Yoongi or her for this. Especially since I'm the one who shot Jimin. It was an accident."

You flinch, then put your head in your hands, namjoon's scent goes impossibly thick and angry for a second before he gets it under control. You physically watch Namjoon's hackles raise. watch Yoongi push back in his chair, leg jumping, running his hands through his hair looking from you to Jin, then back again.

"Jin, you should have kept that to yourself."

"What the fuck-"

Namjoon looks like he doesn't know weather to cry or laugh. "You don't just shoot someone on accident-"

Jin's got the best scoff, one worthy of music screens not just the quiet tomb of this room. Your relationship that's dying all around you. "You don't just stab someone on accident either and yet here we are-"

There are some secrets you take to the grave and others that you keep for too long, so long that they make a grave out of you. Keeping secrets is like keeping someone else's heart beating, you run out of blood eventually.

You might vomit up the truth all over the hospital floor just like Namjoon did a few minutes ago. You feel sick and light-headed and sort of like you might have low blood sugar. namjoon's scent, angry alpha affects you more than you realize.

You start to teater, and their next biting words get extinguished when you almost fall out of the chair, nearly sliding to the floor before Namjoon catches you. One knee dully aches as he picks you up like you weigh nothing, ducking in close, real concern in his face, all his anger gone.

"Shit are you okay?"

"Pup?"

"Just got lightheaded-" Whatever it was, your lightheadedness will have to wait for another time. It's honestly probably just stress. Your heart feels like it's beating extra fast, extra hard.

Namjoon places you gently back in the chair and Yoongi touches your shoulder, the trio of their concerned faces that you swat away.

"We should wait for Hobi." You still owe him an explanation- for earlier and these aren't the kind of secrets you say more than you have to. A cup of water gets thrust into your hands and for once, they fall silent.

When Hobi comes in he’s mostly quiet holding his phone in his hand. Looking at you from across the room. His soulful eyes watching you, head tipping to the side in deference.

"Tae's in-" It takes him a second to gather his words. "Tae's in a fucking state. She was crying so hard that Jungkook had to call them an Uber. I just told her Jimin had been stabbed and nothing else because I didn't know what to tell her."

"That's probably for the best we don't have to-" your mate starts, but Namjoon cuts him off.

"No, no more secrets. Not between any of us."

Hoseok still has a hickey from you on the side of his neck, from you earlier. Jin's fingers skim down the one on your shoulder where a mirrored mark sits knocking you out of your Hobi-induced reverie, red and bruising from his mouth. Jin raises his eyebrow at you, but now is not the time to tell him about you and hobi.

"We've got like- maybe 30 minutes until they get here."

You swallow past a lump in your throat, readying yourself for it, “better make it quick then,” Namjoon waits, Seokjin is silent, watching you, gaze flickering from you to Hobi every few blinks. Yoongi holds onto your knee, sliding his palm down to your hand, your wrist. Finger digging into the sensitive scent gland there and rubbing comforting circles.

You swallow hard. “We’re all on each other's sides, right?”

“Of course,” Jin crosses his arms like he's offended you even had to ask. You bite back your retort. Namjoon nods, so does Hobi.

Your hair flops as you nod. But you still look to Yoongi to wait for permission. After a breath your mate nods and spreads his hands, giving you the floor.

If there’s one thing you know it’s that you can’t do this alone, you and Yoongi, Namjoon and Jin, Jimin and Tae. You and Hobi. There is no separation here, not when it comes to your safety. Each of you cannot keep the rest safe on your own.

“I met Jimin a few months before I met Yoongi, I…Yoongi’s family-”

Yoongi resists the temptation to speak for about 10 seconds when you fall silent. You can sense the moment that the truth shifts, when it explodes at Yoongi’s tongue. Unbidden but frantic and relieving like it's taken Yoongi's whole being to keep all this in.

“My family, I've never liked calling them that. Blood means nothing to me, you guys, you guys were always my family more than them." The pack is silent but you lace your hands with his and nudge his thigh with yours, encouraging him to go on.

"My relatives run the largest network of organized crime on the East Coast, from Boston to Miami. Everything from racketeering to prostitution to production and distribution of pharmaceutical-grade opioids. cover ups, sale of illegal weapons, extorsion of political officials and blackmail. If you can think of a crime they do it. If you can think of a way to make money, they've got their hands in it. It’s one of the reasons why I don’t go home- why my parents-”

Yoongi breaks off, his voice going small and quiet. Wounds he doesn’t talk about- even to you.

“There’s maybe 200 of us now. I’ve got a lot of fucking aunts and uncles. We try to stay in our lanes, our cities, and deal only in our respective crimes. There's a lot of politics and a lot of people vying for control here and there, but only alphas are allowed to lead, omega's increases the bonds of power in other ways and beta's- You know how rare beta's are- in my family- i'm treated as second only to the family head. Being a beta offered me certain liberties. Other freedoms. Not only to avoid most of the violent stuff- but to leave and move around without asking for permission. It's like a get out of hell free card. Not everyone gets that."

You snort, crossing your arms over your chest, “You mean they didn’t exactly expect you to go about popping heirs or advancing the family business through murder and ruining innocent people's lives. not like they expected with me."

Hoseok shrivels his nose, He looks from you to Yoongi- eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “hang on i thought- Are you guys trying to say you’re fucking related or-”

“Oh my god daisy-”

You splutter, “gross- No, we’re not fucking like- blood-related or anything.” You tap your chest. "I'm non family- brought in from the outside. Which means I was just about as valuable as piss to the aunts. In our world the only reason to mate or marry is for power- any other reason and your spouse is considered disposable." you cross your legs, admitting something you've kept to yourself, not a secret just a suspicion. "Geumjae never intended to keep me around forever."

Seokjin makes a strangled noise and Namjoon runs his hands through his hair, “Jesus Christ.”

Hobi raises his hands bare, “Sorry! You’re not doing a good job of explaining!”

"Well, if you just gave me a minute to get to the point-" Yoongi seems to shake himself, to put himself together. “Like she said- I'm not expected to partake in the family buisness, Only alphas are allotted that 'honor'." Yoongi puts the words in quotations and adds an eye roll for good measure.

"Mainly- I’m treated as some sort of glorified advice Column. People call and ask me things and I’m required to answer or else they’d hunt me down and drag me back. They bring me in to coordinate stuff because I'm a beta and I keep everyone calm and keep them from killing each other and shooting out their squabbles. I tried to keep you guys safe that’s why I left but-“

Jin’s hand goes to yours, nodding, because he understands. “But not why you stayed away.”

“No. It's not.” The pack's eyes naturally stray to you.

“The heads of houses report to the family head and she directs them to me if they need a beta's touch. Only she hasn't- the new Don hasn't asked anything of me since taking power. When the last one died- my grandparents- I left to help with the transition. But the new Don doesn't need me."

You flinch, you try to hide it but Yoongi turns, ferreting out that there's a secret there without you having to confess it. Your voice is darker than they’ve ever heard. "It's not that she doesn't need you- it's that she doesn't trust you."

Yoongi tries not to sound accusatory. "Her trust isn't something you should be after."

“It’s not- promise I just-” You pick at a stray thread on your pants.

The linoleum floor in front of you is polished so clean that you can see your reflection in it. "She shouldn't trust me either- and she knows it. Believe me she knows it."

Now it's Yoongi's turn to look at you. To pull himself to the edge of his chair to try and get in front of you. A wordless question that he dares not speak.

"Before you, I was already trying to do whatever I had to survive. including doing what everyone else did back in that hellhole and ask for help-"

Yoongi stands, to much energy and panic in his body to stay seated. “You didn’t." This is a fight and a confession you shouldn’t have In front of the rest of them.

You look up at Yoongi, eyes beseeching. He's quiet and you make your words as measured and soft as you can. "I asked your grandparents first- and then when she told me as long as I did what she said she'd get me out I-"

“She’s more dangerous than Geumjae, you can’t have honestly been trying to trade one captor for another."

The whole pack is silent, watching the two of you. Not really understanding. But Jin- Jin pursues his lips. You don't know how he knows but he does.

Yoongi’s face goes truly white. Yoongi’s hands are shaking. Shaking until he grabs the handles of your chair, knees to the ground, bowed in front of you. Letting your silence stew for a second.

Maybe it’s a terrible thing to blame it on her, you hadn’t fought not to kill. But back then it had really felt like your only way out, the only way to escape the ever-suffocating pressure of trying not to die.

“For what it’s worth, I had no idea what they meant to you when she made me help her kill them.”

Something shifts in Yoongi’s stature, from surprise and shock to resignation so quickly you almost miss it. A tense set to his jaw but a tight-lipped understanding as his eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips and he rests his forehead on your knees.

He's very careful in his words. Slow with them and intentional when he lifts his head and stands. You don't know if they're lies. “Just like my parents, just like all of us in the family, I knew their days were numbered anyway.” But you loved them once you want to say. You’re not sure why you want Yoongi to be angry at you.

“I won’t apologize, not for what I had to do to survive.”

Yoongi cradles your cheek. Something dark and conflicted in his eyes.

“I know, but I’d forgive you anyway, even if you did it out of anger.”

“And Jimin?” Namjoon asks, Yoongi's hand drops from your cheek. "How does he connect to all of that?"

“I met him first, I asked him.” You hesitate. This isn't your secret to tell and you don't even know all of it- like how jimin even became an assassin or started killing. you don't know his motives. It's one thing to confess your own sins, and another to talk about Jimin's to them without his say-so.

Jin darts forward, holding your hand in both of his, “Whatever we say in this room- I’d never dream of recording. I’m not on anyone’s side but ours.” Jin screws his eyes shut tight, willing you and Yoongi to believe him. "Even with the FBI thing."

Namjoon whirls. He doesn't have to ask before Jin's spilling it. telling the truth.

Jin is measured with his speech, but it's his turn. No more secrets, that's what you've all agreed. "I've been working with the FBI for the last 8 years. They approached me back before we met Joonie- because of my proximity to Yoongi. First as an informant, then an agent and now the head of the task force.

"I only did it because I figured out that being a part of them was the easiest way to keep Yoongi out of jail. As long as I could reasonably assume I was the only one trusted and close enough to keep an eye on him, I could keep all the truly damning evidence out of their hands."

Jin turns to you, resisting the urge to reach out to you for his own comfort, you're looking at him like he's got three heads, but he smiles down at you, that pup-soft smile that he saves just for you when you're both nesting.

"I kept your name off of the photocopies of the recipie you used to kill them. Don't worry, no one but us knows." You look at Jin with new eyes, not a double agent but not an enemy either. Somewhere in between. Your heart pulses, and you grip his hand back.

Yoongi pulls his hands through his hair, angry, his tone grave "Well there's your reason-"

Hobi has been so quiet you've honestly almost forgotten he was there. Elbows balanced on his knees and watching the three of you on trial for Namjoon. "Answer to what."

"You don't understand Jin, you don't understand the laws of the family much less the one you've broken."

"The reason why someone's trying to kill you, if anyone finds out that Y/n killed them- everyone connected to them is fair game."

"You mean-"

"We're all done, if anyone finds out, that's probably why the new head of house was trying to take Jin out- to tie up a loose end."

"Hang on, I'm getting confused again." Hobi runs his hands through his hair, and it fluffs up. "Jimin's what again?"

“Jimin is an assassin, I asked Jimin to kill my husband for me but he said no.” You pick at a strand of thread on your pants, unwilling to look up and meet any of their eyes, not Namjoon’s or Jin’s. “Met him back when we meant nothing to each other. He still feels guilty for not saving me. We talked it out a while ago. It’s okay- I did it myself eventually- didn’t need anyone’s help.”

You look up at Yoongi and he looks like he might want to laugh or cry and can't pick which. “I don’t know much else about Jimin other than that he kills for the family."

"They've got people for everything, a few assassin's they keep on retainer," Yoongi clarifies. "People that anyone can hire if you've got the money for it. There are a few names that the family puts on a no-kill list, Children, the pack mates of the ruling pack, the heads of houses and their immediate packmates. If anyone kills a person on the no-kill list- their life is forfeit. I'm on it by default. The pack mates of the beta are on it too, All of you are on it. No one should be trying to kill you."

Yoongi's never paid much attention to the list, the waxing and waning names and faces and photos. he's been on it since before he was born and with no intent to kill or harm anyone and put himself even potentially in harm's way, he's never sought it out.

Maybe if he had, things would go differently.

A cold rush of realization rushes over you. "That's why Jimin and Jin ended up there" You stand up, adrenaline in your hands. "She was hoping they'd take each other out so she wouldn't have to break family law to kill them."

Yoongi shakes his head, "Something about this doesn’t feel right- something about this isn’t normal.”

Hobi’s phone dings before you can hash it out anymore. He looks down in his lap. “They're here,” he’s up and out of the chair, heading out the door and into the hall so quickly that the rest of you have to chase after him. Namjoon tugs you to your feet, staring at Yoongi and Jin. "Was that enough?" you ask.

"We'll talk more later." is all he says. But he does lace his hands with yours and pull you after Hobi. Your legs are so short you have to take two steps for every one of theirs.

“I wish Tae and Kookie were here for that-“

"They should know” your mate agrees, keeping pace with you in the hallway, dropping back with you when Namjoon accidentally lets go in his haste to get through the door. You make eye contact with Yoongi when you turn. Your back to one of those push doors using your body weight to push through it.

You pause, waiting with Yoongi on the other side of them.

“If anyone tells her about Minnie- should be me.”

(You know exactly how you’ll do it, you’ll tell Tae the story of you just like this. You’ll tell it like a story, with author notes and playlists near the end. You’ll talk about Jimin just like this; all of the good parts and all of the bad all in one. So that she might truly understand that having a choice doesn't always mean you're free to do whats right.)

Yoongi nods, “I can tell Jungkook. I think if I do it gently, he won’t get shocked enough to have a seizure.”

You pause before the doors open, to have just a moment with the two of you, just you and him leaning against it. He shifts closer, not holding you, hands by his side but he's close enough that you could rest your head on his shoulder. You do rest your head on his shoulder. Just to hear his heartbeat thud sluggish and heaven-sent against your ear.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” It feels like it’s been ages and ages since you’ve had a quiet moment with him like this. You resolve to have one, to make space for him when this is all over. A private date with just the two of you maybe. Whenever Jimin comes home. “To help with Jimin.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I killed your grandparents.”

“They weren’t good people,” Yoongi shrugs, you've never seen a sadder shrug. “I always knew that. They-” yoongi breaks off, stealing himself for a quiet confession. "I think they might have had a hand in killing my parent. She didn't like it- that they had so much power over me. Future of the family and all."

"You've never said-"

Yoongi pushes through the door, and a high pitched keening cuts off your next words. "Later."

You push through the door and Tae and Jungkook are already there. Entering through the outside doors with a puff of air into Namjoon and Jin's waiting arms. Namjoon holds Tae up as she wails and wails. Her cry high like a nightingale. Jungkook looks pale and shaky, settled under Hobi's shoulder clearly in shock.

You cut through them, ducking under Jin's outstretched arm and colliding with Tae before anyone else can join Namjoon in holding her. falling to little heap on the linoleum floor, just at the precipice of the long hallway that connects to the patient rooms and the nurse's stations to other surgical suites. Drawing countless stars, countless looks from passersby as Tae's sobs renew themselves, loud and broken.

You clinging to each other. Her arms around your shoulders, cradling your head like it's the last safe thing in the universe.

“Jimin,” her voice breaks, throat closing around nothing. Sobs wet and angry, hot tears dripping down her cheeks, big and unabated by hope. "Minnie- My Minnie-"

You cling back, getting your hands on her cheeks. “He’s gonna be fine, he’ll be alright- here- here let me help you up. We've got you Tae-”

Jungkook looks a bit better, a little bit less like he’s drowning. Jin reaches for him while you hold onto Tae. And JK’s nostrils flare, he steps back, looking Jin up and down. Tae clings to you on the floor of the hospital and you look up at them. At Jin and Jungkook, standing a pace apart. Jungkook's hands keep Jin from coming any closer.

“You smell like Jimin does when he comes home from his trips, you smell like gunpowder. And mucky-” Jungkook's voice breaks, "Jin? Why do you smell like blood?"

There are too many people around, too many people for something like this. You're just glad It’s a quiet omission, Jungkook’s scent is level and so is his breath.

Maybe you should give him a lot more credit. Yoongi might not have to tell him much.

Tae's tears hit your collarbones as she crushes you, sobbing loudly in your ear, immune to the string of sweet nothings that fall from your lips. Whispered against her temple.

To everyone else in the hallway, rushing in the late-night hum, you and Tae look just the way that you’d expect; Two girls clinging to each other, one tall and the other short. One an alpha and the other an omega.

The rest of the pack is so blinded by their concern and their terror that they don’t look up. They don’t look down the hall to see the figure standing there watching them. One second the hallway is empty of the dark figure and then next she's there- waiting for you.

Her pine and medicine scent is disguised by the smell of death that lingers here. Although more than 2 of the people there might recognize it if they had the patience to sniff it out. They're too distracted by Yoongi dragging Jungkook close and whispering in his ear to keep his voice down.

Moonbyul watches the scene from the end of the hall. Two coffees in her hands. One for her and one for you because she always assumes that you'll go with her when she asks. No matter what’s going on with your pack, Moonbyul is not the kind of person who you say no to. She’ll ask nicely for you to come one more time.

Or so she thought. Looking at you and Tae holding each other is giving her other ideas.

To love a man is something she's always been able to dismiss as a mistake. Little pups just don't know what they need and even less what they want. She'd been prepared to deal with you loving them, the alphas, on paper, even the admittedly pretty omega male currently in her cousin's arms.

But another woman? Even one like that?

Rage is not like other sorts of anger, it’s not like fire burning to take. Achieng to burn until all the heat has worked itself out. Rage is quiet, rage is darkness and a hunger that needs to consume. That will destroy even if you try to stop it.

It's one thing to know that you love a woman besides her, and another to see you peck kisses along her tearstained cheeks. The rage builds as she watches you cup that female alpha’s cheeks. She watches you brush her hair back from her eyes and tuck it behind her ears. She’s got honeyed skin and smudged lipstick (so inelegant) you wipe her tears away and kiss her cheek.

But what makes Moonbyul’s hands tighten into claws, her metal-tipped nails piercing the coffee cups and making them drip onto the ground, wet and hot, is the way you smile at her.

Moonbyul’s rage is like a tidal wave.

By the time the rest of the pack looks up, the hallway is empty except for a puddle of coffee on the linoleum floor and two discarded cups. One with red lipstick stains and the other without.

~-~

(18 hours later, Jimin)

Tae’s cheek is so soft. That’s the first thing that Jimin’s aware of as he wakes from surgery.

Coming out of general anesthesia feels like being a rickety buoy on the busy ocean. One second bobbing to the surface and the next crashing below the waves and taking on water. Sloshy. Everything feels sloshy.

He only feels her at first- not the hospital bed, not the scratchy sheets, Just the feeling of her cheek resting against the palm of his hand. Her gentle breath tickling his fingers in her sleep.

Jimin will always know the particular beat and cadence of Tae’s body. Would know it if the sun got snuffed out like a candle. Would know her breath anywhere because it’s the very fuel to Jimin’s soul, the very thing that sets the tempo to the heart monitor beating out a pleasant rhythm in the midafternoon hum.

Her skin is pillowy and sweet beneath Jimin’s flayed fingers, limp and cold to the touch because of the whole almost bleeding out thing. He doesn’t know it yet, but he's needed 9 units of blood in the past 24 hours. 4 right away, and 3 during the surgery where they removed the knife and stitched his arm together. And another two units just after.

Compared to his own body, Tae feels so warm.

At least Jimin can still feel his left hand. The doctors that stitched him back together must have done a bang-up job, Namjoon even more so. a lot of people can put an arm back together, a whole slew of them, but not many surgeons could stab someone carefully enough so as to not permanently injure them. There are only so many people that he would trust to stab him.

But Jimin trusts Namjoon with a whole lot more than just that.

When he opens his eyes (a task of herculean proportions) Namjoon isn’t there, it’s just Tae in one of those absurdly uncomfortable hospital chairs. She’s bent over his hospital bed in what must surely be an uncomfortable position to sleep in. Her back arched like invisible wings weigh her down. She slept like that, sprawled as close as she could get to Jimin without the nurses waking her up and telling her not to crowd him.

The smudged mascara on her cheeks flake like falling stars, little trails there were tears rendered it useless. Jimin wipes away a black droplet like he's banishing a ghost. She’s cried so much over the last 10 hours, most of her makeup gone and sporting a bit of 5 o’clock shadow too. The faint roughness that Jimin feels no more than once. Because to derive sensory pleasure from that feels…wrong.

He looks at the ceiling, wondering where the others are. He feels the edge of his body, the spot where the wound begins and the pain ends. Who knew gunshots and stab wounds could make you feel so sore? and tired too? Exhaustion pins his body to the bed like a butterfly to a corkboard.

A wire connected to his good hand tugs, But he ignores it in favor of cradling Tae's head and combing through the tangles in her hair. It's gotten so long now, just to her shoulders, but the bits feel so soft and gauzy against his fingertips. He wishes he could feel it forever. It’s much much better than the 5 o’clock shadow.

It takes a dozen passes for Tae to stir.

And then she startles awake, flinching into being. Fresh tears disrupt the mascara flecks as she beholds her soulmate and nearly tugs herself across his bed to get her hands on his face. To hold his cheeks.

To say that Tae has looked better would be accurate for jimin to say but the words would never grace Jimin’s lips. Not even close. Even with a crusty face and greasy hair- Tae looks gorgeous- so pretty that his heart pulses dangerously quickly. so quickly that jimin's suprised the nurses don't come by and check on him.

Maybe they haven’t given him enough opioids for his shoulder because for a second he feels his heartbeat ricochet through his whole body. To his fingers where he's touching her and back to his heart. Every echo and ripple Tae Tae Tae.

Tae bends over Jimin’s body. Her hands go to his face, fingers touching his smile, and thumbs pressed to his faint crow's feet and twinkling eyes. Clutching at him like he’s her lifeline (he is, a red string of fate that keeps her from drowning, always. She was stupid not to use it like an anchor).

“Pup told me.” She says, a note of finality in her voice, lower lip trembling, tears falling anew “told me you kept talking about me even when you were stabbed" she goes quiet, whispering the words like she's scared someone might be listening in.

"Pup told me everything."

Jimin’s eyes flick from her lips to her face, her body, everything. His hands are trembling, chest building with breaths until they’re heaving and the realization of just how much everything she must know hits him.

Tae knows Jimin well enough to know what a panic attack looks like- knows enough how to soothe it. Knows just to hold on and wait for it to pass. jimin's hands splay and flex, rubbing her skin once, twice, and then a third time in an effort to self-soothe.

"It's okay,"

"You mean you're not-" Jimin's heart monitor is going so wild that Tae has to tell him to calm down. Has to run her fingers up and down his scent glands on his neck, nipping at them to settle him. "You're not angry that I'm-"

That I'm a killer, that I'm a monster. That I've kept everything from you. Jimin readies himself, preparing himself for the speech he always knew he'd have to give. You don't understand, I didn't have a choice, I wouldn't have chosen this- I didn't I just. I never killed people who didn't deserve it- because I know that you'd hate that.

For the first time in their lives, Tae and Jimin are sitting across from each other- without a single secret to each of their consciousness. both of them free and perilously unmoored for it.

But there are no words that Tae needs when she looks up at him and smiles. Wetness at the corner of her eyes.

Seeing Jimin in the hospital bed had not felt like Patroclus and Achilles, it hadn't even felt like Orpheus and Eurydice. There was no roaring anguish. The kind that follows when people leave you too soon. Or the bitter vindication that happens when people leave at just the right time (it’s the worst when people leave like that. Either linger or make me miss you. Stay too long or leave me early. Either way is fine. I’ll feel more human if I’ve got longing or hatred to feel).

In truth seeing Jimin in the hospital bed, wires and hooks connected to him- keeping him alive and keeping him breathing, had felt like a second chance. She's not going to let something as simple as a secret spoil it.

Tae knows she should want to know more about Jimin's job as an assassin and should want to ask more questions (if not to understand her soulmate better, than for writing material). She Should be more revolted or disturbed or upset that her literal soulmate kills people for a living, but at the moment, all she can find in herself is just to be glad that Jimin is fucking alive.

It’s funny, how much your priorities can shift.

Jimin looks like he doesn't believe her. "Tae, you can't even kill spiders."

"Would you care?" Jimin falls silent. "Would you care if it was me in your position?"

Jimin swallows hard and winces. He doesn’t have to ask for a sip of water, because Tae has already gotten it for him by the time his good hand closes over his throat. His shoulder is bound so tightly in bandages that he can hardly shift it. Can't reach up to stop himself from spilling a bit of the water down his chin. Her nails (red polished and chipped) wipe away a drop on his lips.

(There's more that you weren't able to tell her just yet; a lot about you and Yoongi and Jin. You've decided to save the bulk of how Jimin ended up in the hospital bed until after Jimin woke up. Later when you can get her on her own you'll tell her. Probably after Jimin's discharged from the hospital. But the other secrets can wait for now).

It won’t really hit her until later. When she’s in her closet looking at all of her pretty things and designer clothes. Fingers toeing along the fine black cashmere sweaters, to the maroon dresses, to the scarlet ones, stopping just before she reaches the pink. The Dior, the Versache, the McQueen. It will only be then that she'll put two and two together and realize they were all paid for with blood money. With people’s lives.

It will bother her then; it doesn’t bother her right now. It will never bother her enough to think about leaving jimin.

How do you make the choice? What to condemn a loved one for? How do you pin down your line of intolerance when it's someone you love with your whole being? Can you decide at all or is it something that your soul chooses for you? The weight of one sin for another. what you're willing to go through.

They would have died anyway. Even if Jimin hadn't killed them, they had someone out there willing enough to pay for their death and they'd have died anyway she rationalizes. We're all going to die anyway.

Maybe it’s a silver lining that Tae no longer believes in the same kind of sin and wrongness that Jimin does. Doesn’t believe in God and heaven at all. Tae has always believed in soulmates more and believed in Jimin the most. More than any god or afterlife.

“I should be angry, anyone else probably would be but-” Tae turns her cheek into Jimin’s fingers, pressing her lips to his trigger finger. Eyes shining when she looks at him. “I’ve wasted too much of my life being angry at you, wasted too much of it feeling anything but love for you- Jimin- if you died, I-”

Jimin cradles Tae's cheek. “I’m sorry for Namjoon’s rut- for what I said. Didn’t mean it. Never mean it if I'm mean-” Jimin’s finger rubs across Tae’s lips, the wide part of his palm splayed across her jaw, and so much is said in that little touch. But they look at each other and laugh. "Not like Noodle."

It shocks a laugh out of Tae and she presses her temple to Jimin's jaw, feels his smile when the joint moves. She realizes that Jimin's still a little high. Probably too doped up on pain medicine to have this conversation but oh well.

“I never thought it would take you getting stabbed for me to realize it,” her lip trembles, “I don’t want to waste another second being angry with you.”

“I don’t want to waste another second with you either. Won't even sleep,” his eyelashes flutter, struggling to stay awake.

Tae pulls herself more firmly on top of the bed and Jimin shifts a little, wakes a little more when she slings a leg carefully over his hips. Being gentle, still conscious of his physical state. He uses his good arm to pull her up and up until She’s splayed across his lap.

Kissing Tae never loses its edge, it always feels like their first kiss, sweet and with that knotted bundle of anticipation. Jimin sits up into the kiss, sits up until his shoulder protests and he hisses into the kiss. "Don't strain yourself minnie-"

"Don't care just-" he pulls her hips snugly. After that words are sparse as they kiss, again and again, lips working together. Sloppy messy love kisses. Every breath tastes like love, every second of it. She giggles pulling apart for a second to get her breath, the heartbeat monitors in the corner going wild. Breath that washes over Jimin like a gust of spring air, cinnamon flower sweat, and heady. Tae’s kisses are better than a first sip of coffee or a breath of fresh air. (They’re better than living, just a little bit).

“If I was any less sore, I’d ask you to bite me right now.”

Tae grins, and it’s a special secret smile. “You said something like that to Pup too."

“I’m so lucky I get to be yours- don't want to waste the luck-" Tae shakes her head stubbornly pulling back.

"I don’t think that you should say you’re lucky. I’m so lucky that this person loved me, or I’m so lucky that I got to love them. Because when it comes down to it, love and luck are not the same thing. Love is not a single event, like winning the lottery, or finding a 100-dollar bill. Love is a choice and you have to choose it a thousand times. Every day you choose it. Luck is such a cop-out. It’s been really nice.”

“God, I hope I’m more than just nice.”

Tae smiles, “Shut up” She goes a little pale. “Actually don’t shut up with me like- ever. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say.” She plays with Jimin’s hands, “Is that when either of us- whoever- goes first-“ Jimin’s grip goes knuckle tight on her waist, he's coming out of it, a little more lucid with every breath. Waking up more.

“When one of us dies- I don’t want to question if I ever loved you enough, I don't want to rely on just luck. I don’t want to think about the days that I could have gone for coffee with you or could have kissed you longer. I don’t want to think that I didn’t get exactly what I wanted and you didn’t get exactly what you wanted too.

"I want to give you one extra kiss every time so that you get twice as much as you would have gotten otherwise. I just want to think that it was nice, that every moment of it was nice- even when we fought, I want to look back on it and think ‘even the sad parts were nice and I got more than I thought I would.' No luck involved.”

She grins down at him, that same youthful grin she’s had her whole life, Jimin thinks of it sometimes- how many times she’s smiled this way and he hasn’t seen. How many more he will see.

“Also, y/n says that you’re allowed to mate me, but not marry me. She says my ring finger belongs to her.”

Jimin slides up the bed, flipping her over, supporting himself with his good hand, sending her sprawling and giggling. His growl is half hearted but promising. Tae laces her hand in his greasy blonde hair and it stays there.

It stays there.

~-~

The rest of Jimin’s hospital stay goes a bit like this:

There is a pair of suits outside the window, dark and imposing. plain clothes police officers watching and waiting like vultures. They’ve already taken statements from the pack but demand to hear from Park Jimin himself.

Lies from the source always taste the sweetest.

There is a story ironed out and penned in stolen moments, you curled up in one packmate's lap and transferred to another, "the pup" Jin had said, the youngest, was not taking her alpha's stabbing well. "She just needs a bit of soothing, sorry." The suits are charmed enough by two cuddling omega's that they don't notice your mouth pressed to their ears, like a game of cuddly murderous telephone.

The story gets ironed out easily, you’d all gone out for pizza, had come home to find Jimin bleeding in your kitchen.

“It’s pretty normal for Jimin to be reckless with his health. I’m not surprised he tried to come home and see if I could stitch him up himself. I'm a doctor at his hospital- Dr. Kim, pack alpha and head of neurosurgery. The knife- you should know I touched it on accident he wanted to remove it himself and I just had to stop him- I’m sorry- I should have known better I was just- so shaken.” Namjoon is a passable liar at best.

Jungkook has folded himself under your mate’s arm, and Jin’s too. He’s still vaguely shaking, bunny eyes wider than usual. In a little bit, Namjoon will drag him over to an empty exam room for a quick check-up. Just to make sure he isn't about to seize on the floor. Yoongi will go with him, Will tell him the truth about all of this then.

But what, with his comment earlier, you wouldn't be surprised if Jungkook has already figured it out on his own.

Jimin doesn’t even need to be coached into remembering it. The police don’t even think of not letting the pack see him, after seeing Tae’s teary eyes. A pretty girl is the best distraction, and the pack has two pretty girls that smell sour and need to tend to their alpha before the police get a chance too.

They’re impatient as they watch you and Tae fold yourself over Jimin’s barely aware body, more preoccupied with looking at your asses than they don’t see your lips moving against Jimin’s ear, mistaking your shaking for the racking sobs. And your quiet words for sweet nothings.

Hobi had barely leashed a growl, and resisted the urge to step in front of you and block you both from their sight.

The story is so easy and simple- a true case of Ockham’s razor. The simplest story with the least details is the most likely to be believed. the story Jimin tells the police goes like this;

Earlier yesterday, a crazy fan of the idol group he guards that must have followed him from his schedule with intent to learn his schedule and get closer to them. Her description is so ordinary that they’ll never find her because she doesn’t exist. Any person found will easily be made inculpable; either by alibi or honesty. Not that the law cares much about honesty, nor that any of you care about possibly implicating a stranger.

Love always did make people go to extremes, it's easily believable.

Nothing else matters. Besides keeping everyone safe. You're united against this.

Once they're gone, other promises get made:

“I want you to quit, this is too dangerous, if something like this happens to you again, I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it.”

“We need to make sure we travel in pairs until we figure out what’s going on, why they're targeting Jimin and Jin.”

“I can ask some of my contacts-“

“You’ll do no such thing Yoongi.”

“Do you think we should be like- Armed? Just in case?”

“I don’t think more guns will solve anything but…Maybe.”

In a stolen moment, Namjoon corners you outside Jimin's hospital bedroom, he's holding three bags of takeout, not that Jimin will really be able to eat much of it. The opioids keep down his appetite. That doesn't meant the pack won't try to fuss. As it is, Jimin hasn't been interested in anything but kissing Tae and holding her hand. Pouting whenever the nurses make tae leave.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier," Namjoon has always found apologies easy and has never had so much of an ego that it would get in the way of any of it.

"It's alright, between you and me, I think it was kind of justified." You'd probably yell at all of them if they convinced you to stab Yoongi or tae or any of them.

"No more secrets, okay? Promise me this is the last one." It's easy to promise Namjoon that, so easy. To let him scent you, rubbing his coffee liquor scent all over your shoulder.

(But it's not about the promises that you make, it's about the ones that you break.)

You sit out in the hallway the following morning, still in the same clothes and starting to feel a little bit filthy because of it. None of you have gone home yet. Hobi sits next to you and Jungkook's on the other side.

They’re just checking Jimin’s stitches again, and his hospital room just got a bit crowded. The prospect of checkout is maybe a day away. Tonight is the last you'll have to spend at the hospital.

It was also time to talk over Jimin’s opioid regimen, and the doctor had been nearly delighted when Namjoon had stepped up and taken the lead, reassuring the doctor under no uncertain terms that Namjoon would manage them. You can forgive him for thinking a little too much with his hindbrain. If Namjoon leaned any more into his instincts you'd be worried he was close to going into a rut again.

“Is this what it’s like when I’m in the hospital?” Jungkook asks, sucking on some skittles. It's more sugar than he should be allowed to have especially during a high-stress situation. But Jungkook’s taking the panic to get a little bit of freedom. You cast a glance at Tae, at Yoongi and Jin, standing by the door looking like he’s about ready to twitch out of his skin with the effort it's taking him to stand outside.

Jin had apologized- him and Namjoon both, and Jimin had accepted it instantly. "If I trust anyone to shoot and stab me- it's you two so-"

"But-" they'd argued, but eventually Jimin had turned a little scary, a little threatening. showing a hint maybe- of a persona they're all unused to but you're not. Jimin can be firm when he needs to be. A quick retort of-

"Forcing me to comfort you over something I'm not upset about is not the way to make me forgive you." Shut them up for good (or at least for now).

“Yeah, pretty much.” You hold out your hand for some skittles and he gives you a few. Hobi grimaces and reaches over to take the orange ones out of your palm. He knows you don’t like those. He replaces them with a few green ones.

"It’s fucking boring. I should get you guys like- a DS or something for Christmas.”

“Don’t tell Minnie or he’ll blow all his money on-“ You cringe at your words and Hobi flinches. Jungkook just chews on his candies, they smack against his teeth with a hard clinking sound.

There is still some of Jimin's blood under Hobi's fingernails. You see it when he reaches over to take your Skittles.

The next time Hobi moves to take your Skittles, you grab his hand and pull him to his feet. "Come on."

You lead Hoseok into the women's bathroom, underneath the curious eye of the nurses, all the stalls are empty so you pull him over to the counter.

“You’ve got some- stuff- under your nails- let me.” You rip a handful of paper towels from the dispenser and wet them. You clean Hobi’s hands diligently and he lets you.

He stays quiet, Hobi's been quiet for the last day or so. He hasn't done more than whisper a few quiet words to Jimin and stay close. He didn't say anything during your secret confession yesterday. Didn't ask a single question and the silence bleeds now as you scrub the clean-smelling soap against his skin. Your anxiety builds, and you scrub a little harder. His fingers remain limp in your touch.

“Say something- say anything okay? I need to know that you’re not-” not angry with me. That you don't hate me- that you still love-.

Hobi pulls you against his shoulder in a single clean movement. His wet hands hit your stomach when he grabs your hips. Your nose brushing his throat, his nose skimming your hairline.

“I’m trying not to take too much energy from Jimin- trying not to- be a mess- because he's the only one who deserves the packs attention. I'm not even sure if I am a mess about it. Sure that sucked but-" he sighs, "you and I are kinda like- uniquely able to handle things like this cuz of-" he doesn't need to finish his sentence. Hoseok's lips brush your ear, lips touching your skin, and- he pulls back, smiling softly. It's a tired smile but there it is- soft and special and just for you.

“You’re taking things, remarkably well considering the last time we…”

“The last time we had to deal with something like this?”

You hum, scrubbing a paper towel hard over the ends of Hobi's hands. The white paper goes orange-red with dried blood. "Give it time. There’s still a few weeks for me to go crazy this time.”

But this time, you have a feeling that it will be different. Although Hobi was there the last time- and played an instrumental role in making sure you didn't literally fall apart. It's different now. Right now, your hands tangle on the counter, holding on, even though you try to clean his hands of blood. Holding on is more important, neither of you tries and pull away. You don't have the energy for shyness.

What's more intimate? Sex or murder?

He huffs a small frustrated sound and stoops to rest his forehead against your shoulder, leaning almost all of his weight on you. You take it.

“Maybe this time I’ll take a crack at going crazy.” You laugh, stopping your brushing and just settling for holding him. Hips resting against the counter. The two of you rest, just for a moment.

Your nose against the side of his face where his undercut presses to your skin, spiky. "Still have that train ticket?" Hobi humms, taking a deep greedy breath of your scent to steady himself.

You're not expecting him to pull back and kiss you, but his lips are dry but warm, faintly chapped but yours are too. Pressing soft but demanding against yours. Hobi kisses you just as sweetly as last time and you grip the front of his jacket.

No sooner has he heaved you up on the counter, fingers hooking under your thighs to kiss you stronger- than is the door clanging open and a nurse comes barreling in.

"Ugh- uhm." She's a little stunned, but you're already hopping down, faces flushed and apologizing for the inconvenience.

You don’t throw the bloody paper towels in the garbage, but the toilet, flushing them once, then twice, to make sure that they’re down. Mumbling one last apology before you exit the bathroom together.

Hobi doesn't let go of your hand. You wonder if this is what loving him is going to be like; making out in places you shouldn't, special secret stolen glances when you keep holding hands even around the pack and keep stealing kisses.

You wonder if the kissing will stretch to the cars- to the late night drives, if he'll hold your hand like this around every hairpin turn. If Hobi's going to make you a make out playlist later, full of songs that make him think of you, songs that match the cadence and pitch of your heart. You wonder if loving him will be like this, stolen innocence, like finding sea glass on the beach. There and pretty for the taking if you only look for it.

Your heart feels all warm and tight with it, swaddled. Protected as Hobi tugs you back into Jimin's hospital room. You can't wait to find out.

The next few hours look like this; Namjoon sitting on the foot of the bed his hand on Jimin’s knee, feasting on hospital food. Jungkook giggles, and nearly throws himself across Jimin’s lap so that the alpha can put his hands through his hair. Looks like more takeout, living off of it because no one wants hospital food and you can't go home and cook. You refuse to leave right now.

It looks like Tae smiling for the first time In what feels like years but has logically been only a few hours. Rubbing a hand across her jaw and wincing when she feels the stubble.

Her wince quiets the sounds of the pack happy. And you look up from your plate.

“What’s wrong?” You ask, always stupidly attuned to her and her needs, always watching and waiting.

“I need to freaking shave and I just- I haven’t had the chance to.” Tae lets out a tired sigh, the kind of deep frustration that comes with things that you have no choice but to do.

You take her hand from her chair and tug her up. Because this- this source of angst can be fixed.

“Here- come on,” A shaving razor gets found for her, Namjoon goes to the surgical ward to get the right kind. Sharp and medical and disposable along with a tiny tube of shaving gel. You drag her chair into the bathroom and make her sit while you do it. Lathering up her cheeks and tipping her head back. The whole pack a cacophony in the other room. The shock of skittles and other candies falling onto the floor. Muted words then soft laughter.

You drag the shaving razor up her chin, over her chubby cheeks. Your gentle touch, the soft scrapping of her hair against the blade a gentle accompaniment to the sounds of the pack passing the time until Jimin wants to go to sleep. Jungkook's phone plays a tictok loud, "Bunny- headphones, Minnie's trying to rest" Yoongi reminds him.

Jimin is struggling not to fall asleep, shifting to one side of the hospital bed just to get a better vantage point to look into the bathroom at Tae. Jimin cranes his neck.

Tae's face twitches, and underneath the white froth you see her reddening cheeks. “Stop looking at me.”

Jimin grins from the hospital bed, “Can’t help it, love you.”

“Love you too Minnie” She choruses back, and the pack joins her.

that night, namjoon and yoongi push three hospital cots togeather around jimin's bed and the pack piles in, sweet bodies and kissed cheaks, whiped down with sanitary towels, you end up tucked between tae and hobi, your cheek pressed to her back.

the following morning it becomes impossible to ignore both how purely filthy the 8 of you are and the fact that Jimin's doctors won't let him check out until tomorrow (and even then he'll have days of bedrest and won't be able to use his arm until he gets his stitches out.) You haven't been home in two days, no one can remember if you even locked the front door with how crazy leaving was.

It’s hard to convince Tae to go with you and leave Jimin's side. But she's less resistant when Yoongi reminds her that Jimin needs new clothes to go home in since all of his bloodstained clothing was discarded as medical waste.

“Honestly we should get like- to go bags full of a change of clothes for all of us when like, JK has his seizures,” Maybe it’s just because you’ve done overnights twice in the last week at the hospital- but the idea doesn’t seem like a bad one.

Jin drives you, Hobi, and Tae home in silence; no one tells Tae any of the other secrets yet. Tired as she is, almost falling asleep in the car. Waking with a start when you turn onto your street.

It's a little shocking. When you get home to a cold and quiet house. Jimin's blood has dried up into dark waxy puddles, on the kitchen table and the floor. There are fingerprints from someone, rusty and red on the doorframe. It's stark to see the evidence. To see a bit of it on the butcher block countertop all the terror and the color leached out of it in the grey afternoon light.

Tae is so stumbly that Hobi has to grab her twice just to keep her from walking into walls when he gets her inside. Noodles immediately yowl has you feeling terribly guilty, he circles your and Hobi's ankles. But you push at Hoseok's hands when he stoops to pick him up.

"Take Tae upstairs and shower with her, will you? I'll be up in a second, just gonna feed him and get some stuff together." She's blinking and looking at the bloodstains, eyes already looking glassy with fresh tears.

You need a second, a second in quiet, a second alone just to steady yourself. Jin comes in, dragging in a mountain of mail from your box, "I've got them, come on pups, grooming time."

Jin pecks a kiss along your forehead, "Come up the second you finish?"

You nod, "Just want to get some food first too- hungry."

Jin nods and makes to follow Hobi and Tae but pauses on the stairs. he looks like he wants to say something to you. Eyes full of something unreadable and warm. Unspoken words hover.

If he had to choose anyone, I'm glad he chose you.

But before he can get it out Tae calls from upstairs. "Jinnie? Can you grab one of my comfy sets from the closet down there before you come up?"

You stand, solemn in the kitchen, listening to the sound of them on the creaky stairs, the sound of their quiet voices. The creek of the house as they walk around upstairs.

"Here you go baby," you say, giving Noodles an extra spoonful of food. You know you left enough for him in his bowl and that he didn't suffer too badly. But still, his purring chirping is music to your ears. You pet over his back, his fluffy tail.

He's Still chubby, still good. You aren't too bad of a pet owner then.

There's the gun still there, sitting just to the left of Jimin's blood splatter on the seat of one of the dining room chairs. You're at eye level with it from where you crouch down to pet Noodle. It's the same one that you pulled out from under the bed when you found out he'd been shot. You should probably take it with you when you go back to the hospital, just to be sure.

"You got any secrets for me nu? Are you the long-lost prince of some cat kingdom?" Noodle chops down in response.

You go to the hallway closet to get a duffel bag, where the pack stores their larger bags and luggage.

"Hey!" Hobi calls from upstairs, muffled through the roar of the shower. There isn't much other noise in the house. The birds outside aren't chirping, probably because you haven't been home enough to fill their birdfeeder.

Probably.

"Yeah!?" You call back up, upending the duffel bag and sending a bit of loose change, some quarters and pennies scattering onto the floor. you stoop down to pick up a few of them, tossing them back into the closet with a metallic clang (to be dealt with later.)

“Can you grab Tae's phone charger? It should be by her computer.”

"Got it!" Tae's library room is much the same as it was when you left it, her computer is closed. The walls are green, the window dusty. You find it easily, the cord long and white, tangling in your hands.

You're not sure why your hair raises on the back of your neck.

Noodle stops his chomping.

The push of cold air startles you- the change of pressure in the house like a door being opened- the front door. The windows in the library room are leaky. You're used to being in here and feeling it, used to feeling that same draft every time one of your pack mates comes home.

You freeze where you stand.

The metallic jingle of the doorknob is so much softer than usual. You could almost convince yourself that you don't hear it, that you've made it up.

And then you hear it- Noodle's low hiss.

Call it a habit or a trained behavior but you still make your footsteps quiet everywhere you go. A thing learned from your years with Geumjae when you needed to be quiet to be safe and needed to make yourself as unobtrusive as possible to avoid pain. A vestigial survival instinct.

It serves you well now because no one in the house hears as you slide from Tae’s library through the pantry area, you don’t call out Tae’s name again, or Hobi’s. You don’t know exactly why you don’t.

Your house is an old house and you know every inch of it. You know this house that Yoongi’s built for you from the top of the eves to the shutters, from the windows up top to the ground floor and dusty half-finished basement. You know every creaky floorboard and which steps are the ones you skip when someone’s sleeping upstairs because it always sounds so high-pitched and it wakes Jimin up, light sleeper that he is.

You hear the subtle creek of the floorboards now, the small slide of heavy boots across the wide floorboards. A creak. Someone is about to ascend the stairs, up to where you can still hear Hobi and Tae talking softly. The shower off, they're probably just getting dressed.

Softly, you hear the sound of a heavy boot hitting something metallic, one of the pennies you dropped earlier and missed.

Jin might still be in the other room, that's what you tell yourself. You're just being paranoid. stupid paranoia you almost want to laugh. you're just jumpy from the last few days- that's all. Funny of you, to make it up.

The danger is all in your head.

Only it's not,

Because the first thing you see when you peek around the corner is the pitch-dark barrel of an extended gun.

~-~

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~-~

Notes:

There are some parts in this chapter, some facts about yoongi's family that haven't been touched on since the very begining chapters or jimin's secret chapters and i repeated them just so that people get a bit of a refresher but some of it feels a little monotonous to write! i hope it's not too hard to get through.

in an ideal world i would have given myself an additional week to edit this chapter, it's not the most edited and because of that i feel like it got repetitive or arduous in places.

i'm also realizing that this is like, 9th longest bts fanfic in existence. look it up on ao3 if you don't believe me. i think giving people a refresher of the begining is fair. In terms of the harry potter series (it really is a shame that no one knows who wrote it) we're just into the 6th book in terms of word count if you need that for context.

on that same vein. moonbyuls brief rant that is implied to be transphobic and sorta is- is not a reflection of my views she's just...you know...the villain?

this chapter also literally went from 8k to 14k during editing what the fuck. i stayed up till 2 am to get this done two nights in a row. i have this little nagging voice in my head that says its stupid to care about something like this but i can't help it- i love this story so much. even if this isn't the best chapter.

when the m/c has her freak out in the room where she almost passes out- that is called adrenal fatigue and it's soemthing that i struggle with as someone with ptsd. you know the feeling when you go on a rollercoaster when all of your adrenaline unloads it's self all at once? if i go through that my body goes a little haywire like- dizziness, exhaustion, dysregulation, memory fog, all of it. i still like rollercoasters though so as long i like rest and drink alot of water it doesn't affect me too much.

it's really important that you notice that no one says moonbyuls name during the moment when they're talking about their secrets between namjoon, jin, hobi, yoongi, and the m/c. i'm not telling you why just PAY ATTENTION.

Every time i think about the proverb "The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth." i think of the m/c and how thats her storyline with the family like- she really was like "either you love me or i'll kill all of you" and i think thats cute <3

In terms of why the last don and Beta killed Yoongi's parents- i think it's because yoongi's mother found out that she was pregnant with another beta and the don and beta didn't want to deal with such a divided power. They already had yoongi under their thumb and another possible successor would have over complicated things. Yoongi would have had a little sister, i don't know if he'll ever know thats why his parents where killed- he was between the ages of 16 and 18 when they died.

although this chapter was the least edited in terms of the most recent chapters- i will also say that there are two moments in this chapter- where i 'fuck up' and write things a certian way but heres the thing- they're not fuck ups and they're actually hints so! lets see if anyone notices!!

i'm gonna be honest with you guys the part where it goes "it stays there" left me fucking winded i can't even think about it too hard or else i get misty eyed.

i am catheterizing a lot of emotions writing this i am sorry it took so long to write, there is a reason why this update took a month and thats cuz yeah- my grandmother is dying. She's got cancer and She's 91 so they're not treating it. death is gonna be a /theme/ for me over the next couple of chapters, don't be surprised if I go off on a tangent or if it takes me a second between updates.

i wish i could write the m/c just a little dumber you know?

i wrote this series with the intent to write about people in realistic relationships- showing the moments they make mistakes, the moments they react too much or not enough, the way that trauma affects us all and how we handle it and love. it feels very full circle to have this chapter come out like- this is what bily is about you know? even though they'res alot of dialouge in it.

oh~ shits about to go down~

Mini-Playlist

Dominic fike- acai bowl (kinda hobi and the m/c's song for this chapter, they're going through it)

Hozier- Eat Your Young (Bekon's Choral Version) (this is literally bily's unoffical theme song at this point)

JID, Kenny Mason - Dance now (the beginning when moonbyul setting the industrial park on fire)

Frank sinatra- thats life (the song i picture playing at the end when tae and jimin are talking out their issues).

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dirt-grub · 4 years ago

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Hm I’ve been like excluding my aceness from a lot of my mlm centered writing but I’m realizing that’s probably an important narrative to share actually

#like I have new followers so idk who knows I don’t mention it a lot but I’m Demi #I think? possibly greyace some of the definitions overlap #point is my attraction is none attraction left male lmfao #like sometimes it’s there but I have a very specific way I navigate dating and my gayness in general and maybe I should talk about it #I mean it kinda sucks pretending it’s NOT there #like maybe actually there are other mlems who would want to hear it!#most of the demand on what kind of mlms are depicted and how aren’t from actual mlms so... maybe I should stop worrying about them #like. I’m gay. the audience is me. I make the rules #connor talks #idk I get scared sometimes bc people like to go hard with ace discourse on here for very reason... I don’t want to be involved #I just would like to sit comfortably in my identity and have words to describe it #and I’m in a weird place bc most of my friends fit comfortably into allo or ace not in between like me #I have an aroace friend who’s really more like family and she’s guided me a lot and told me I’m valid but I don’t feel ace enough #like again. that it doesn’t matter. but it kinda does to me?#it doesn’t really come up in public often but when it does I sorta get misunderstood and mocked so maybe it’s valuable to talk about #like this also overlaps with being mlm because in hs and stuff I was mostly around allo wlw and most of them were wonderful #don’t get me wrong I’m not generalizing #but there would be discussions about crushes and attraction and there came that attitude of like EW gross boys XD but like.#I’m gonna talk about boys I only like boys sorry :(#I want to be a part of this and share experiences and get to know each other but in order to do that I need to be honest #and like. even when they wanted to know what I find attractive in guys I don’t have a good answer #and they’d be like how do you now know you’ve had a bf #I usually just end up describing him as though he fit into a *type* that I’m into but I don’t have one. it was just him. I liked him.#attraction comes after and like it DOES come but it’s invasive to do bro talk like that about a single person #it’s no longer oh I think it’s hot when guys are this or do that it’s about a real specific person and yknow it doesn’t work in that context #this might be trivial but yeah I’ve felt alienated in some queer spaces as a result of this so idk it might not be the biggest issue but #idk I’m just like a little closed up about it #especially bc some people conflate the lack of attraction with sex repulsion which I do experience sometimes #but it’s a clear separate trauma thing #and then people want to pick my brain to be *sure* my aceness is valid and not because of trauma which. who cares. leave me alone

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outivv · 3 years ago

Note

Hey hey hey!! May I please request secret relationship hcs with Kazuha and Ayato? Or just Ayato is okay :))

Sorry if reqs are closed or I broke a rule dlekwk Im prone to miss reading, so please don't hesitate to ignore this if something is off

Thank you!!

Synopsis: secret relationship! :O

Warnings: not proofread

Game/ fandom: genshin impact

Characters: ayato, and kazuha

Pronouns for reader: gender neutral/ not mentioned

A/n: hello hello! You’re so sweet omg- and don’t worry you didn’t break any kind of rule! Though, I do apologize since this is rather late, either way I hope you enjoy! Have a great rest of your day! <3

— ayato —

I genuinely think ayato would be very in favor of keeping your relationship a secret, at least for a little while. He knows being in the public eye can be… overwhelming for many, himself included, and he wouldn’t dare push that onto you. He just wants… everything in its place for lack of a better term, before you announce you’re dating.

Though despite the fact he literally suggested you keep your relationship a secret… he’ll openly flirt, and tease with you in public. All the time. I’m front of people. Important people. And then also thoma and ayaka, but they don’t care (ayaka will 100% tease her brother though!)

Definitely has thought to himself “don’t hold their hand, the leader of the kujou clan is right there. Don’t do it.” Because I do believe ayato has his… clingy moments. Listen he just wants to love, and he often times shows that live through small gestures like holding your hand. If he does hold your hand out of habit though, he’ll play it off as nothing, a… friendly gesture if you will.

So much affection in private, oh my god. Imagine this, you come home late at night after a long day of meetings and surprisingly ayato is finished with his work, waiting for you in your shared room reading a book. Instantly he will pull you under the covers with him and just… lay there. You won’t move for a while unfortunately.

Likes having your presence just..: near him. At all times. It he can’t kiss you on your boba date (which looks like a simple, friendly outing to many) then he’ll have you near him at least throughout the rest of your day.

— kazuha —

Kazuha doesn’t… get it… really. Why do you want to hide your relationship? I mean yes it’s nice having this sorta “secret” between the two of you… alright. He’ll agree.

He honestly has a very easy time with this. He’s not a huge fan of pda, opting for mostly a kiss on the cheek, the back of your hand, or just holding your hand (if you were open about your relationship that is), so he’s just kinda… hanging out.

I like to headcanon that a lot of people like kazuha. He’s an attractive guy, and is easy to get along with, so many people either casually strike up conversation with him, which could lead to flirting depending on the person. He has almost said “oh this is my s/o” every time.

Writes you into a lot of his poems, and when he publishes them everyone’s like “yo??? Who’s this beautiful person the author is talking about???” Obviously it’s you. It’s a silent way for kazuha to say publicly that he loves you without anyone knowing.

Talks about you to his closest friends. They’re the only ones that know, and they’re sworn to secrecy, and they don’t ever stop hearing about you. KAZUHA HAS TO SHOW HIS LOVE SOMEHOW OKAY LET THE MAN HAVE THIS.

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windblooms · 4 years ago

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liyue boys – how they touch their s/o

headcanons and scenarios of how childe, chongyun, scaramouche, xiao, xingqiu, and zhongli would romantically interact with their s/o.

gender-neutral reader. sfw scenarios for each character, with additional suggestive implications for childe, scaramouche, xiao, and zhongli (since they’re confirmed legal). 2309 words.

childe

the Touchiest of the liyue boys

he just really, really fond of touching you, whether it be with his fingers through your hair or having you a hand on your lap.

the first time he wanted to touch you, he actually asked (yes, verbally) if you were okay with him doing so

at least one of his acts with you could be orthodox, yeah? although, looking back on it now, he supposes that he was attempting to be a bit more serious and wasn’t sure how to convey the sentiment when his reputation often preceded him

since then, he’s made a habit to have you next to him at all times

you don’t mind, since his attention is admittedly nice, but understandably neither of you want to display affection towards each other in the presence of his coworkers.

if you were to be in public, such as walking down the streets of liyue, then he’d have his fingers laced between yours

if he were to be in a particularly good mood that day, he’d actually have you hook your arm around his. you’re not sure why – but maybe it’s because more of you would be pressed against him that way.

an avid displayer of fleeting touches. some are playful, like tapping his finger on your nose to get your attention, while others are slightly more teasing, like trailing his fingers up your thigh when you’re working and really shouldn’t be getting distracted.

“i can’t help it. your expressions are always the best part.”

so long as you’re next to him, he’ll find any excuse possible to have himself on you.

you’re cold? take his coat, but also a complimentary hug because wow he’s kinda sorta warm for a snezhnayan native.

got work to do? he’ll stroll over to you every once in a while, claim he’s checking on you, and then place a kiss on your cheek as “encouragement.”

just got home from a long day out? take some time to lay on top of him, he makes for a comfy mattress

his favorite ways to touch you: gloves off, thumb rubs against the back of your hand, hands cradling your neck or squeezing your hips in more passionate moments. especially enjoys contact the more of your body he feels. not sexual all the time, but definitely sensually pleasing. he’s reassured when he feels you next to him.

chongyun

chongyun is relatively inexperienced in acting out his romantic impulses.

hand holding? yeah, sure, he knows it’s what people do, but apparently there something about interlacing fingers . . . ?

also, there are different ways to hug? he thought that just wrapping his arms around your shoulders would be fine, but is there a specific instance where he should “back hug” you?

he thinks there should be a lover’s manual for how to go about with physical touch, but sadly there isn’t, and he’s left by himself to make sense of his confusion.

he’ll have to learn first-hand – something he quickly realizes he won’t mind.

chongyun’s touches will reflect his nature: gentle and initially somewhat shy, but he will gradually become more confident as time goes on.

the first time he tries to initiate hand-holding with you, you’re sitting next to each other on the couch

you can tell something’s a bit off by how he’s staring straight into your skull, as if he’s conflicted over something even when there’s nothing to be distressed about –

and he lifts his hand, hesitantly, and you swear that he’s shaking, before he mumbles something along the lines of “screw this” and just

places the tips of his fingers over the back of your hand and

just leaves them there

and you’re blinking, not quite sure what to make of his awkwardness, before connecting the dots when you see him absolutely red in the face.

he’s startled when he hears you laugh, and especially when you move your hand to securely grasp his own.

you’re warm, incredibly so, and when he looks up from his lap to affirm that he hasn’t made a complete mess of the mood, you’re there to give him a pat on the head.

“y-yeah. can we stay like this? hey! no, don't laugh – ”

the take-away: soft boy. will realize that he loves it when you squeeze his hands but will be flustered when admitting it. also internally enjoys it when you put your chin atop his head, and when you let him put his hand on your shoulder. will become more confident over time with showing affection, whether it be through light touches or shy pecks.

scaramouche

scaramouche is admittedly one of the more destructive harbingers

meaning he wouldn’t be one to be gentle in the slightest

probably doesn't even know that hugging is supposed to be an act of affection and instead registers it as another method to crush someone’s chest

the least likely out of the liyue boy to even be in a romantic relationship

but in the off chance that he is,

warm affection won’t be on the menu unless you’re in a dream sequence.

yes, he might not be as irritable around you. yes, he won’t immediately scowl at your presence, and maybe even request for you to be beside him once in a while.

but that is a far cry from assuming stable, healthy intimacy.

the closest he’s ever gone to touching you kindly is by pulling you towards him – nearly winding you with his forcefulness – and insisting that you play with his hair

(definitely a pushy one, and it would be endearing if not for the fact that he does not know how to interact constructively with others.)

so it’ll take time, lots of explanations and dialogue to tell him that no, he doesn’t have to be so rough with his grasp, and yes, it does bother you and you’d insist that he learn to be gentler before touching you again.

he won’t strike you down for speaking your mind – that’s exactly why he’s with you to begin with, since you were able to back up your wit with fight.

he’ll grumble, as if you had told him the most unpleasant of news (which you suppose you just have), but nonetheless attempts to mimic touches you would approve of.

scaramouche is, admittedly, easy to vex. while he might generally be a hassle to handle, the only time you do let him give in to his harsh tendencies are when you two are kissing each other a bit too hard or grabbing each others’ clothes too eagerly.

in other words, making out.

it’s obvious that he enjoys these more aggressive instances over the ones you’ve convinced him to be satisfied with. it’s an agreement that both of you have come to terms with: if he’s to command ask for little things, he better be respectful about it. but when you decide to reward him for exercising restraint publicly, it’s behind his door where you let him go unrestrained.

“so long as you’ll still let me do this, then i might tolerate your . . . other preferences.”

xiao

he’s not sure when you became more comfortable with one another, but for some reason he’s certain that it had to be after you commented on his hair

something about it being soft and appealing to braid – not that he would ever let you,

okay, maybe if you ask enough times. but for now the answer is definitely no.

anyways,

you were actually the one to ask to hug him first. he was a bit perplexed, wondering what you were thinking that prompted you to ask, but then realized that neither of you had been physically affectionate before.

as in, not even hand holding. or hand squeezes. or anything else that would be considered basic between partners.

as quickly as you asked, he affirmed that it was all right, and has since become attuned to your need for physical assurance.

something about him “feeling like home” and “safe.” at the time, he wasn’t sure what feeling like a home meant, however through time he realized that you felt like home as well.

soothing. as if automatic, he fits your body into his and holds the back of your head against his chest, lets you twirl your fingers in your hair, and carries you into bed.

under the covers, he feels more alone with you, as if the closed door isn’t already enough.

even in the dark, his eyes will roam all over your face, and he’ll run his fingers over your cheeks, down your neck, and over your collarbones.

he can feel you shudder slightly under his touch, and he’ll always stop immediately, concerned for your discomfort.

but when you take his hand to your lips and press kisses on his fingers, he’s relieved that he’s still doing right by you.

so long as you’re sure, he’ll continue his ministrations. whether it be holding your form flush against him as you drift to sleep, or crooking his finger under your chin so he can mold your lips together just the way you like, so long as you both know you’re safe with him.

in short: inexperienced, but always concerned for you. won’t do anything unless you ask or suggest, and even then, his care for you is more obvious than the wake of day with the sunrise.

“i’ll hold you as long as you let me – if you’d have me be with you.”

xingqiu

simple: dramatic.

if you thought that the novels he’s written have gotten to his head, then you would be completely right, because he does not miss an opportunity to add in some flair to your relationship.

produces a glaze lily out of thin air each time he greets you after your day of work, “fairest, this is for thou,” and has the audacity to look pleased with himself.

a nerd at heart, and you might unironically think it’s cute if not for the laughs he allows himself afterwards.

is always smiling when you touch, even if you’re just bumping into him accidentally.

it doesn’t take much to make him happy, you realize, but that assumption morphs into wow he just. really loves with his whole heart.

xingqiu’s a magnet when it comes to your shoulder, somehow always leaning against you when given the opportunity

you could be sitting next to each other at the table, or even standing up talking to other people, and he’ll latch onto your shoulder.

“i’ve got you right next to me. why not capitalize on the moment?”

absolutely adores it when you let him play with your hair. you’re not sure what it’s about, but after his obvious attachment to your arm, you just decided that he was a very physical lover and you’d be more than willing to indulge him.

if you come visit him when he’s reading or writing, he gets especially excited because!!! head rest!!!!

and consider yourself occupied for easily the next hour as he rattles off yet another plot of a novel, or attempts to woo you with sappy lines that he decided to mentally bookmark just to tease you with later.

in the instances when he isn’t occupying your lap or shoulder, he actually likes it when you lean on him as well, especially if you’re sleepy. he finds the whole act endearing, either you being too lazy to move to bed or finding him comfortable.

so long as you don’t tire of his antics, he’ll be sure to indulge you in the same.

zhongli

despite being what some would call oblivious when it comes to human interaction, zhongli is surprisingly romantically competent so long as you give him time to adjust.

he’s quick to notice things you like and hones in on them with relative ease. admittedly, the first time you hugged him, he was a bit stiff, but was actually the one to initiate physical affection the following time.

it gives you hope that there aren’t actually cobwebs still in that thousand year-old brain of his.

already a traditional man, you soon realize that he’s fond of more innocent touches, such as when you slot your fingers against his or unbind his hair to play with the strands.

he might even fall asleep if you comb his hair long enough, enjoying being spoiled.

forehead kisses!

at least twice a day, he’ll brush aside your bangs and place pecks on your forehead. if not your forehead, then definitely your cheeks.

lowkey wants to pinch your cheeks. you’re not sure why. maybe it’s the childish curiosity that peaks out of him every so often, and he’ll absent-mindedly comment that your cheeks remind him of crystal shrimp balls.

you’d stutter every time, finding his sense in compliments endearing yet flustering at once, and he’d just blink, the sincere man he is.

“but they do. flush with color.” a pause. “could i maybe have a bite?”

ah, yes, when he does want a bite –

his touches will be unbearably soft. so much so that you’re not even sure he’s real, with the tenderness on his fingers and warmth in his voice.

zhongli cherishes you as if he’s waited a thousand years for you. in the back of his head afraid that if he’s any more present then he might break you, as if he would ever capable of doing something like that –

he’ll have your thighs around his waist, body above your own and mouth leaving fleeting pressures along your neck

each time his lips press into your skin, he leaves sweet words behind.

he only wishes to enjoy the moments he has with you, so long as you enjoy yourself as well. zhongli will be attuned to your preferences, and take delight in spoiling you rotten – even if he might be a bit unorthodox with his speech, his sentiment is never in question.

#genshin impact #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #zhongli x reader #xiao x reader #scaramouche x reader #chongyun x reader #xingqiu x reader #scenarios #headcanons #short king will count as a liyue boy for now #can you see my zhongli bias? yes #italics need a break

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mechakingghidorah100-blog · 5 months ago

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I honestly think this idea is super interesting and has merit outside just mirroring/flipping things out. It plays into the already existing ‘thing’ with Victoria of the facade of invincibility and everything being okay at home and her having the perfect life when they really are not, adding a secret that could blow up everything for her hero career, her relationship with her sister, and her family.

I think there’s a few ways to make it ‘work’ out in a way that isn’t just ‘wires got crossed differently’ even if I think that’s still an element.

I think a big one you could do is playing with Victoria’s own issues with her family never really providing that unconditional love due to the focus on cape stuff, the genuine difference/separation from normal folks due to growing up in a public family of all capes, perhaps have Amy trigger first, just change up the trigger enough to where it involves Amy, given for the Amy canon obsession there is implications that it really blossoms/is realized during her Trigger.

Way said combination could work it is Amy triggers, Victoria is genuinely worried the same thing will happen with her as for her family where she gets so caught up in cape stuff she just has less time/less impetus to care about Victoria’s ‘mundane’ accomplishments… but Amy doesn’t. Amy still cares and thinks Victoria is the best… which only emphasizes the loneliness/feelings of inadequacy compared to the rest of her family, even if Amy.

Maybe basketball game occurs, or some other event, where she does well… and no one is there from her family to see her except Amy, a row of empty seats where her family was supposed to be occupied only by Amy, with it sorta finally coalescing out of the toxic stew/how Amy is the one good note during this/her trigger? Could have it vary here if you wanted so she realizes then which coincides/causes her trigger, as the genuine shock and horror/sudden added distance/complications causes fears of ruining that relationship with Amy as well/putting that same distance between the two of them?

Or play it so Amy was the only one who came but had to leave midway due to cape stuff, showing that even Amy is going to inevitably get dragged further and further away and what she has is only temporary. Dean could be a really good friend but his Ward status leads to the that same separation even if it’s more often govt mandated, or just part of the butterflies is he’s there but for someone else, as he and Vicky for whatever reason haven’t become friends.

Either way, it’s a variation on her normal trigger that centers more on Amy, perhaps her even realizing that , and you could certainly argue the slight variation could boost up her aura into a proper master effect if you want that angst? Or personally play on that she can never get true permanent effects/adoration (she can never get the parental affection/love she wants from her sister permanently).

Either way her realizing/it occurring to her as she gets superpowers certainly adds a monkey’s paw as hell element. She finally can stand with her family for once, be with her sister out in the field… and the most important relationship in her life is now so hideously complicated/adds an immense layer of distance and something she has to lie about. Like what a way to shit all over getting superpowers which she wanted her whole life.

I absolutely agree it wouldn’t destroy her also Amy, but I certainly don’t know if she’d simply think it sucks and move on. I think the desire to ‘get rid of it/make herself not sick’ and paranoia over it coming out is the big thing, as her lack of a guilt complex/view she has some innately evil nature that means she wants to fuck her sister, that means there is nothing she can do about said sister complex.

Victoria feels the type to be very proactive about ‘curing’ her own incestuous feelings, but the girl comes from a family that categorically rejects therapy, and I think an obsession with getting rid of it along with her hyper image conscious family that gave her some serious issues already in regards to how people perceive her, I can see that being what causes the angst and perhaps even fuels it, as being so deliberate about not focusing on XYZ about her sister… leads her to thinking about it.

As far as consequences go, there is no worries about her brainwashing her sister. Instead as mentioned a bit earlier the worry is it coming out and completely ruining her dream of being a hero, it imploding the relationship with her family where she has powers and she finally has worth/they truly care about her accomplishments… and of course fucking her relationship with her sister for good.

Anyways, that’s my way way way too long ramble about how flipping the incest complex between those two could work out/lead to some compelling conflict because I’m very normal. Hope OP continues posting their musings because they are wonderfully thought provoking.

I mean, an AU where Victoria is the one with the crush on Amy and not vice-versa would be so interestingly different.

Because like, there's a huge part of Amy's guilt and shame and self-loathing gone. And while Victoria is not actually as perfectly well-adjusted as she might present, she's still a lot better, before, you know, the Wretch, etc, than Amy would be.

Plus, since officially the Aura can't actually do much, Vicky wouldn't have much to be afraid of in terms of losing control, etc.

Though I suppose if one wanted to ramp up the angst for the AU, the Aura could be true in that fic, specifically so Vicky would have reason to worry about what she was doing.

But even then, Vicky just doesn't seem to have as much propensity for that sort of spiralling guilt-complex as Amy. So while she'd probably not be thrilled about her crush and want to make sure Amy didn't know about it, she would still probably have an easier time going 'Okay, this sucks, but...' and moving on.

Of course, part of the issue with this idea is that where exactly would Vicky's crush on Amy come from? Amy's comes from Vicky being the only positive force in her life, her only consistent source of affection, etc. Vicky never had that, so, it's not like the crush would really be that likely to emerge.

But premises of an AU are sometimes just... the premises of the AU, as it were.

#victoria dallon #amy dallon #worm #musings #parahumans #ward #alternate universe

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l0s3r95 · 3 years ago

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very random papyrus undertale headcanons 🍝

When I say random, I mean RANDOM. These are all very general and about the most silly, goofy habits and mannerisms that I think Papyrus would display! Please enjoy!!!

(I have a lot to say so it continues under the cut)

says exaggerations when describing things, like “ginormous” and “itty-bitty”

has a hard time remembering sayings and phrases, so oftentimes mixes them up or makes them up himself

says “in a jiffy”

says “make it snappy” (usually in regards to sans when he's feeling frustrated)

loves friendship and family a lot!! It's very important to him

very loud; can ramble all day for hours straight

trusts others too easily

sneezes obnoxiously

bouncy and giggly when excited, kinda like a restless little puppy

flattered SO easily to the point where he could sometimes perceive insults as compliments

his singing voice cracks more than he’d like to admit

asexual, but he is aware of what sex is and is NOT an "oblivious little cinnamon roll" istg

a hopeless romantic

legit can and will swear when he's extremely upset (you are a coward if you think he does not)

hates the taste of alcohol

gets full quickly, but loves extravagantly large meals

dances feverishly, unless slow dancing (he still has no rhythm, but it’s obvious he tries)

gushes/get excited easily; if somebody else is, it rubs off on him quickly

has high highs and low lows (a very emotional sir)

loves phone booths and payphones for no reason at all

always carries extra change in case somebody asks him for some on the street

loves getting nicknames from his friends!!

likes fun kid foods and cereals; the target for that demographic ("OHH, THESE PASTA NOODLES ARE SHAPED LIKE BUTTERFLIES!!! I'LL PURCHASE YOUR ENTIRE STOCK.")

genuinely not self-conscious ever and loves himself with all his heart

likes all kinds of music; doesn’t really have a favorite genre or band and will listen to anything!!

90s fashion king; he wears the most dorky, colourful clothes (high top sneakers are his favorite)

knows random trivia for the stupidest things

loves throwing get-togethers and reunions for the sake of seeing his friends!!

enthusiastic rights activist!! he will attend rallies and marches without hesitation

not really invested in politics, but knows enough to have opinions on current happenings

loves deep-rooted relationships, either platonic or romantic

sings about what he’s doing while doing it

smells like oranges and citrus

likes lemonade and orange juice

ADORES going out in public

likes wearing skirts and stuff sometimes!!

very much a morning person

sleepy man when it’s the wee hours, but likes to get up before the sun does

button-up, striped pajamas

messy handwriting, but it’s oddly beautiful at the same time

loves shopping, especially for gifts or a party or something fun

likes taking walks when it’s dusk

secretly kinda dreads halloween (he gets scared very easily), but likes the candy and dressing up part

monologues to himself a lot

washes his laundry very often and showers every two days

small accent sorta??? there's something going on there

influenced a lot by his big brother :)

christmas is his favorite. he loves the holiday season, and by extension, winter

decent driver! Super cool car, probably has tons of bumper stickers with flames and rainbows on them

favorite video game would be mario party or nintendo land, maybe just dance

just the sweetest biggest dorkiest gentleman

so freaking tolerant of everyone and everything!! the safest guy to come out to

always opens the door for strangers

probably cleans off other peoples cars

might do some kinda illegal things, too, like taking parking tickets off of people’s cars before they see it or shoplifting for the sake of another person

-not the conventional version cool, but honestly a very real version of cool

#continues under the cut!!#i hope you guys enjoy this #i know headcanons are kinda out of style but they're the only thing i know how to write #undertale #papyrus #papyrus the skeleton #papyrus undertale #ut papyrus #undertale headcanons #papyrus headcanons #let papyrus say fuck #my writing #loser post

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nightcolorz · 3 years ago

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Poorly describing my versions of the Gotham rogues:

Joker: “yolo” in its most dangerous form, def is writing a slow burn enemies to loves fic about him and Batman. Gay and homophobic 💯 The other rogues don’t invite him to pride celebrations anymore cause he’ll keep calling people slurs “as a joke”. Him and Edward have longterm beef, like schoolgirl levels of petty drama.

Harley Quinn: would describe herself as a “girlboss” unironically while committing heinous crimes. tweeted “clowns aren’t funny” after breaking up with Joker (ended up causing a huge scandal). The OG “I can fix him” girl. Is sort of the rogues free underground therapist (god knows they need it) cause they can’t get professional help without being sent to Arkham.

Poison Ivy: Breaking News: Cottagecore lesbian commits mass murder cause her plant wilted. She’s what republicans think environmentalists are. Would get in a fist fight with that vegan teacher cause “plants have feelings too”. Has beef with most of the male rogues, supports ‘kill all men’ without realizing it’s a joke (she prefers ‘kill all humans’ but figured she had to downgrade because the Gotham city sirens are humans technically).

Cat Woman: “OH NO! It appears I’ve gotten stuck backwards in the bank vault step-Bat 😏😏😏😏😏😏, looks like I’m not stealing any more diamonds today 😰😩”. Mad respect for Selina, she just wants diamonds and bat dick, no tragic backstory or complex motivations needed. I personally like to headcanon her as wearing a straight up cat costume (ears and a tail like a true furry) cause it’s way funnier to imagine a sophisticated rich woman dressing up as a cat to steal shit than whatever bullshit DCs up to these days. Trans catgirl supremacy 💎👍

Scarecrow: That one guy who gets angry at people because “Halloween costumes are meant to be scary 🤬😡😑😒”. Doesn’t even attempt to express emotions, is the human embodiement of this emoji: 😐. His presence is more jarring than threatening, his intimidation levels are somehow underwhelming and overwhelming at the same time. The other rogues have collectively decided that he’s asexual under no assumption other than that they don’t want to imagine Jonathan having sex. Overtime Jonathan has become basically fearless (he smokes his own fear gas like vape just to feel something). Jonathan and Harley became good friends when they both worked in Arkham, their dynamic is surprisingly wholesome.

The Riddler: Didn’t get hugged enough as a child and is now making it everyone’s problem. Would hold a bank hostage to show Batman his third grade spelling bee medal. Is the only autistic rogue that gets accommodations in Arkham because he won’t stop bugging the guards. FTM trans ofc (his names Edward Nygma for Christ's sake). He ran away from home at seventeen and faked his own death (his deadname is legally dead lmao). Uses the terms “alpha, beta, and omega male” unironically.

Two Face: “Yeah, I mean, I didn’t wanna blow up the orphanage either, but Y’know the coin said-” The other rogues talk to Harvey as if he’s constantly at his breaking point, which is half true. Harv is a stone cold mf, he’s the rock that’s holding Two Face together tbh. Edward calls Harvey and Harv Jekyll and Hyde cause he’s that original. All the rogues have at least a sneaking suspicion that Bruce Wayne is batman and use Harvey as their little primary source (being ex besties and everything), until they find out Selina and Bruce are a thing of course. No matter how much evidence he’s faced with Harvey will never accept Bruce Wayne is batmam, he’s not ready to consider that one of the only positive people in his life has been duking it out with him this whole time.

Penguin: He’s the rest of the rogues chill gay gangster uncle I don’t make the rules. The iceberg lounge is like the Batman villain equivalent of The Central Perk from friends (aka: its their default place to hangout). Oswald always makes a fuss about them not making reservations ahead of them but at this point it’s just performative. Everyone’s 99% sure Oswald and Edward fucked at some point (Edward always makes a show of flustering Oswald when he needs a loan). Ossie always takes care of the others belongings when they’re in Arkham (he has a special place in his heart for Jonathan‘s crows).

The Mad Hatter: I love Jervis lmao he just really likes Alice in Wonderland and that’s a valid ass villain motivation 👍. One of the smartest rogues but doesn’t get enough credit because of how childish he is. He dresses in kids clothes, not just because he wants to but because he’s small af and can’t fit in shit. In public while the rogues are undercover Jervis usually wears a beanie or a baseball cap (he’d get spotted instantly if he wore his usual, but on bad days Jervis can’t bear to be without a hat). Jonathan and Jervis play chess a lot together in Arkham, and frequently engage in intellectual discussion, Edward tends to be a piss baby when Jon encourages him to do the same, he’s not ready to accept the reality that Jervis can match his intelligence.

Killer Croc: Waylon has a surprising amount in common with Jonathan, they share southern solidarity. He doesn’t travel out of the sewer often so the rogues will occasionally come to visit Waylon there (Edward always makes sure to complain loudly about the smell). Will show immense affection and loyalty to anyone who treats him as human (poor guy just needs a friend ☹️).

Mr Freeze: Literally just dead inside, someone give this poor bastard a hug. Victor stands as the most awkward rogue, he‘s sorta like the odd one out. The other rogues don’t interact with him that often because he’s sort of a party pooper. He’s the straight friend on thin ice, haha get it. Mr Freeze is my sisters favorite Batman villain because she thought the ice puns were funny in Batman in Robin, little does she know I’m embarrassing myself on tumblr in her glory.

Music Meister: So many of the Gotham rogues have horrible childhood trauma and Music Meister is just like “people bullied me for being a theater kid 😩😭💔😔”. In all honesty he’s iconic, in my au universe thingy I have him join the dork squad latter on and he sticks out like a sore thumb for a bit. I feel like him and Jervis would really hit it off though (mind control buddies, ha), although Jervis would always get him to sing Alice in Wonderland songs. In Arkham they have him wear a dog collar thingy and zap him when he sings, he gets bullied for that lol. anyways I’m sure I could make more of these, but it’s 2:20 am and my mind went blank. If y’all liked this I could always put more au headcanons out (I have A LOT)

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get-shiggy-with-it · 4 years ago

Text

collab masterlist

✧ pairing: villain!hawks x afab!reader

✧ word count: 5k

✧ warnings: this is like all smut, angst, ambiguous but happy ending, unhealthy relationships, mentions of transactional sex, reader has a healing quirk but it's really just for poetic purposes, reader has a vagina, no other gendered parts, oral sex (reader receiving), vague metaphorical drug reference, mentions of blood, mentions of wounds, mating press, soft sex (?), sorta, slight potential could be read as dubcon but they're both into it

✧ summary: for years you've stitched hawks back together when the world has torn him to shreds—and he always pays you back, though you can't help but start want more than he can give you.

✧ a/n: hey y'all this months theme was villain/hero swap with a shared opener! please go check out all the other wonderful works in this collab, there are so many talented writers/artists involved!! credit to @/lady-bakuhoe for the amazing intro. also bonus points if you catch the old aesthetic tumblr post references.

Breaking news: We have yet another report to add to the slew of attacks this month, this comes just days after we broadcast rumours of villains running rampant over the city. This spate of attacks has put the entire metropolitan area at a standstill, road closures and damaged property making it difficult for commuters to get to work in the morning. Road maintenance endeavour to do its best to keep the city running, but it seems futile when these attacks continue to increase. The entire city was brought to a standstill by the mysterious villain who has still not been named, but reports show they are nothing like we have ever experienced before.

Where are the heroes now? Who will save us from the terror overwhelming our city?

Every day the crime toll continues to rise and we have no one here to protect us. The Hero Public Safety Commission assured us earlier in the week that the crime rate would go down, that the top Heroes are out there protecting our city, but if so, where are they? Is it really safe to go out anymore, who can we trust? Would you put your life in the hands of a Hero today? When they have proved our streets are no longer safe. We still have no information on what is going on, or who is involved but we must remain observant. We will continue to report the latest news as we receive it, but for now, we must implore you to heed the warnings of the city-wide curfew that is soon to be implemented. If anyone has any information on these occurrences in the city please send them to us or contact the police, you can remain anonymous. The safety of our citizens is what is most important, stay vigilant and don’t go out unless it is absolutely necessary.

One thing we know for sure: we can no longer rely on Heroes to protect us. The streets of our once-great city are no longer safe, we are no longer safe.

***

You can only touch him when he’s dying.

That fact is made even more horrifically apparent as he stumbles through your open window—and how long has it been since you’ve slept with it closed?—dripping with blood and panting from his flight.

The T.V. blares in the background, filling your tiny apartment with incessant ramblings that only grow louder by the day, and you already know what they’re going to say before they say it. Because you see him, before the reporters stumble upon heroes in the wreckage—you see what they do to him before they’re warning the public of dangerous villains loose in the streets.

They spout off about failing heroes but you think they’ve done a pretty damn good butchers job. Red feathers matted together, sticky and brown, fall in tufts from his back. You burn with shameful jealousy at the thought of those who would call themselves heroes having laid hands on what is yours.

He isn’t really yours and you know that, though you often wish you could be a bit more delusional. It might not hurt so much then.

They call him a villain. They call him a threat to society.

But even faced with the truth spilling from him and onto your creaking floors, it is easy to forget what a ruthless predator the man before you becomes when he leaves these four walls.

Especially as he falls forward on heavy feet straight into your arms, outstretched and waiting. There are stains on your shirt but you’ve known the secret for getting blood out of clothing for years now. Cold water for the fabric, warm to wash away the grime on his lovely skin.

“Gonna need you to fix me up again, sweetheart,” Hawks mumbles into your shoulder where his forehead rests.

His breathing is even more ragged now, not just from the flight.

“I know,” you reply and your hands shake when they find the gaping wound at his side—wide and deeper than the ones before. “I know. Can you walk?”

He doesn’t respond but that mop of golden hair shifts a bit as he slings an arm over your shoulder and rests his weight. You don’t need to direct him to your bedroom. This is an old game you’re playing and he knows the steps.

So do you.

Though, you’re never sure if it's dread that fills you and makes your stomach knot and your knees weak. Or if it’s that awful, momentary rush of excitement at the prospect of being able to run your fingers over him, bare and giving you free reign.

As long as he’s bleeding out on your floor.

Then you can feel him.

When he’s dying and needs you.

Needs you to fix him.

But won’t ever let you close enough to finish the job the way you want to.

You comfort yourself in with the knowledge that at least he lets you this close. At least those thin, silver-skin scars are the unmistakable mark of your healing hands. At least you’ll always haunt him like the red feather down that sticks to your pillows or between your floorboards.

So you strip him carefully and try not to let his sculpted chest distract you from the work. Hawks is silent, such a model patient as always. Only grunting when your fingers move to knit together the ragged edges of his flesh.

This will leave a nasty mark, you know it already. But you can’t find it in yourself to mourn the loss of that lovely skin.

It will only make it harder for him to forget you.

You’re knelt beside him, laid out on a towel you keep at the edge of the bed. Blood will soak through to the sheets regardless, but you try your best. He takes a sharp breath, white teeth catching the back of his hand between them to stifle groans.

You wish there was more pleasure to it. That he was biting back moans for you instead of trying not to scream as his flesh pulsed and grew hot while it was rebuilt under your fingertips. So you indulge, pretend your hands are elsewhere, roaming his perfect waistline and pulling whimpers from him.

Your dangerous, villainous, predator Hawks sprawled on his back, wings spread and cumming onto his chest under you.

The sounds above you change, and you know it hurts—must be excruciating as bone is set back into place—but you chose to believe it’s because he’s trying to keep himself from screaming your name as he reaches his release.

Hawks, you’d croon to him—Hawks because you don’t know his real name. Don’t know who he was before he started this underground life of crime on the fringes of a society that called him a monster and then turned him into one.

He isn’t a monster in your bed, though he may cry like one.

Cry as you mold his flesh and try not to look him in the face. Try to pretend they are an overflow of some better emotion. And when those summer wheat field eyes roll back in his head and those horrible pretty noises stop, you push past the growing ache in your limbs until the skin under your palms is smooth and no longer leaking thick, red blood.

And you do your best to resist the itch to feel more of him while he can’t stop you. Even with your fingers numb from overexertion, you can’t help but fall back on your heels and long for the feeling of his cheek in your hand, or his chest on your face.

But your part of the transaction is done.

And your permission doesn’t extend past these limits.

And it pains you to wish harm on him.

But it hurts even more when he does not need you.

So you sit and hate yourself and hope that those heroes with their disgusting philosophies get their shit together just a bit more. So you won’t lose your purpose. So he’ll keep coming through your window, permanently open through rainstorms and snow and spring heat.

Hawks’ breath evens slowly, and you stay still as a watched painting—no shifting eyes or moving limbs.

You crave these times like water or warm food—constant and instinctively.

And this is the only time you’ll ever have them, hands so filled with pinpricks of fried nerves that you can barely feel the soft, relaxed muscle beneath them.

What a tragedy.

What an injustice—

You can only touch him when he’s dying.

***

“Hmm,” he groans, sitting up and wincing as the new flesh protests under his movements.

“You should rest for a bit longer.”

Hawks looks at you, stretched next to him on the mattress—a purposeful few inches of space left between your bodies. It’s both selfish and practical advice.

But he isn’t here for that kind of help.

“You know I can’t just be sittin’ on my ass,” he quips, flashing you that eyes closed, wide smirk that sets your heart hammering in your chest. “Can’t have anyone tracing me back here.”

“Normally I’d agree,” you don’t find it in yourself to give the words any bite, “but you were just actively bleeding out a few minutes ago.”

“Sure, but that was a few minutes ago,” he winks and you can already feel the bed shifting as he moves to settle himself over your hips, one toned thigh on either side to bracket you against the bed. “Now, let me pay you back for all that hard work, yeah sweetheart?”

You wish the way he peered up through those long lashes, gold eyes honed in on you like a piece of meat on a hook, didn’t make your face burn this much.

It doesn’t mean anything to him.

Because this arrangement really is transactional—so you have to get something out of it too. At least, that’s what he tells himself, you think. He doesn’t know that those scant few moments you hold his life between your fingers is more than enough payment.

It’s been this way since the very first time you stumbled across him, half dead in an alley. But then you think it might have just been a ‘heat of the moment’ sort of thing that had just stuck.

You heal him and he makes you writhe on the sheets with his tongue and his hands, until you're fucked into unconscious bliss and he can slip away without your prying eyes watching him go.

But you still aren’t allowed to touch Hawks, even when he reaches into those deep parts of you and molds them to fit only him.

“You don’t—” you start to protest, partly because you want to believe you don’t want it and partly because you want to hear him insist that he does.

“Shh,” Hawks presses a calloused finger to your mouth and it takes every ounce of strength not to suck it past your lips. “I don’t like leaving my debts unpaid.”

That’s the end of your determination for the night. So you try to relax into his touch as slides your bottoms off and tosses them to the floor. Try not to clench up under those fingers that spread your legs. He doesn’t like it when you squirm away, when you flinch from his hands.

You want to think it’s because he hopes you aren’t afraid of him—of what he is—like the rest are, and not because he wants to get it over with as quickly as possible.

You want to.

But he’s so hard to read, and your mind is not often a kind place.

“Mm, god I’m always so hungry after you patch me up baby,” Hawks licks his lips as he stares down at you. “You won’t mind if I eat you right?”

You cringe at how fast your head shakes.

“Mm, course you wouldn’t.”

You can hear the smirk in his voice, and he’s right though you resent it a bit that he’s got you pegged so easily.

But you’re weak, you’re no villain, you’re no hero.

And so you’ll never be able to resist him. But, damn, did you wish you had a name to cry out. Then at the very least, you could keep a part of him with you too. Then you’d have some to moan on the nights he goes uninjured and you have to bring yourself to lonely release, only thinking of him.

Of those wings spread above you like a burning, red sunset, obscuring the rest of the world from view with his blinding light.

“Hawks…” you hiss instead as he shifts your legs over his shoulders and lays his tender chest on the sheets. “Please.”

“Yeah, yeah, what’s it gonna be tonight then?” he asks, breath ghosting over the damp folds between your thighs.

“Thought you said you were gonna use your tongue,” you whine, impatient now for any scrap of attention he’s willing to give.

“If that’s what you want,” he presses a kiss into the crease of your leg and hip, nipping the delicate skin so you whine again. “It’s whatever you want, you know that.”

It isn’t though.

It’s not whatever you want.

You can pick the position, you can ask for his mouth or his fingers, but even then, they won’t go past your neck. Your hands must stay firmly knotted in the comforter and away from him while he works. Cause he is working. This is part of the job to him, it's only in your fantasies that he’s doing it simply for the hell of it.

Hawks nudges your embarrassingly soaked slit with his nose and hums at you, “So is that what you want? Want me to eat your pretty pussy, yeah?”

“Yes—ngh,” you don’t get much in past the confirmation.

He’s a busy man.

He doesn’t have time for your stupid, romantic day dreams.

So he dives right in, and it’s enthusiastic enough that you can convince yourself he simply wants you that badly.

Hawks tongue licks a long strip from your hole to your clit and sucks the little bud past his plush lips. They’re a lovely, soft pink against your skin and they make a mess of you in seconds. He starts up an even rhythm, drawing circles into the nerves that sing and have heat building up in you only seconds after he’s started.

You hate that you love how well he knows your body.

You hate that you only know his when it’s shutting down.

“You taste so good, you know that?” he mumbles, lapping at you and kneading your thighs. “Could live down here just drinking you every fucking day.”

He doesn’t always talk like that but you’re happy he is now. It distracts you from the deep, ingrained urge to yank him by the hair and taste yourself on his lips.

“Makes me wish I’d let those damn heroes get hits in more often,” he’s back to panting and you keen at the sound. “Want my fingers too?”

“Fuck yes,” you don’t even bother hiding the desperation anymore.

He deserves the boost to his ego. You’d shower him with praise if he’d let you, bathe him in warm words and press them into his skin with your tongue.

But he doesn’t let you.

Hawks’ hand on your thigh trails slowly against the sensitive skin until he’s pulling back to run his fingers through your folds to ease the stretch a bit as he pushes two inside. He knows you can take what he gives to you, knows you love the way he fills you up.

Your tingling hands ache to grab his head and force his lips back as he sits for a moment, eyes glued on the space where his fingers disappear into your body. He groans low at the wet sounds your bodies make at their joining. Your legs shake where they rest on him, the one other point of contact he’s allowed. Those deadly soft feathers brush your calves as he curls his fingers up and waits expectantly for the strangled cry he pulls from you.

“There it is,” his voice is so much lower when he speaks now. “Can’t exactly show you the real ones, but how ‘bout you let me make you see some stars, huh?”

He asks so much of you. So much. So often.

In fact, you don’t think you’ve ever actively asked him for a thing he hadn’t already offered in the few years you’d known him. Hawks does it all—the taking and the giving and the demanding.

And you’re simply along for the ride, holding on for dear life lest he drop you, let you plummet like rock to the barren ground.

Still, you are mortal and you crave and you will take what you can get.

“Mhm,” you whimper when his deft fingers increase their pace, not thrusting but grinding mercilessly into that delicious spot inside.

“You wanna cum now, sweet thing?”

Then, true to his villainous nature, Hawks latches his lips back onto your clit, wracking your body with waves of truly sinful pleasure. His tongue draws quick, perfect circles across the bud just how you like. You’ll never know why it feels so much better when it’s him touching you.

How he knows exactly what you want.

Most of it.

Then his other hand is reaching around your hip, thumb taking over to press down where his tongue had been. Panting for the third time, his gorgeous head rests on your thigh and he stares dead on into your eyes. That predator yellow gaze pins you to the pillows better than any hand could and he licks across his lips while you watch, moaning as he tastes you there.

You groan deep and unabashedly at the sight.

“What is it?” he’s teasing you, unable to keep that part of his cruelty hidden even now. “What do you want?”

You shake your head and wish you could turn away, flop against the mattress and writhe but you can’t. You just can’t give up this moment that’s etching itself into your retinas—like you’re staring head on at an eclipse, celestial and short-lived.

“Tell me,” Hawks whispers, nipping at your thigh and working his fingers harder on you. “Whatever you want, you’ll get it.”

And maybe it’s the sudden heat of the room, or the little breeze from his wings spreading defensively to block you from view of his nonexistent audience—the outside world maybe? To keep you, this secret indulgence, hidden from their prying hands. Or quite possibly it’s just your own weakness at the feet of years and years of loving—because you do, you love him, it’s clear by now that’s what this is—this man whose name you don’t know and whose eyes never seem to leave you even when he’s gone.

Maybe you simply crack under the pressure of keeping this awful, looming silence for too long.

You feel your lips split at the seams and it all comes rushing out in a polluted flood—a stagnant river of secrets.

“Let me touch you,” you gasp and close your eyes then just so you won’t have to see that grin slip from his beautiful face. “Please Hawks, let me touch you. I can’t do it anymore, just—I need to kiss you, I need more.”

All this time he hadn’t let up on pulling pleasure from your skin, but he stops now, bringing your release to a screaming halt.

The quiet that follows—devoid of fast breaths and wet slapping—is suffocating.

You wish you regretted the outburst, the waste of years worth of work to keep him coming back.

But you don’t.

Of course you will in a minute, when he slips away and doesn’t return.

But now it just feels as though that boulder of secrecy has been lifted off your chest and you can finally take in lungfuls of sweet, unhindered night air.

It’s only after that dreadful minute has passed and there are still hands on you—buried in you—that you dare to open your eyes again.

Hawks is staring blankly, an expression you’ve never seen before, so stark from the usual quirk of his lips and tilt of his chin. Blank, but calculating. You can see the gears clanking as his thoughts rush a mile a minute, faster than he’d ever dream of soaring over the city skyline.

He blinks once, twice, then again and you can see the redness blooming at the corners as his eyes grow glassy between each flutter of lashes. And then, as though moving through honey, he draws back from you, only to crawl up your body until your noses touch.

You hold your breath, lip caught between your teeth, but his slicked thumb comes up to pull it out of your gnawing reach. He strokes across the puffy skin, never meeting your gaze, until he slowly, slowly leans down.

It’s not really a kiss, more of an accidental brush, so little of your lips touch you could easily have imagined it. When he speaks again, you can feel him forming the words against you.

“I—” he starts and licks his lips and yours and you don’t think it’s an accident, “I can’t.”

It isn’t what you want him to say, but it’s better than a silent loss .

You know truth when you hear it.

“I know.”

And you do, you do know, you’ve always known. He’s darker when he’s not with you. You’ve seen the carnage he leaves behind broadcasted on screens, but it’s never stopped the ache before.

He can’t keep you the way you want, can’t have things that get in the way.

You can only touch him when he’s dying. You can heal him, reform his flesh and bone—pull him back from the brink—but you’ll never feel his chest against yours or his hair slipping through your fingers or have all of him buried inside you. He’ll never love you like you want him to.

It doesn’t stop you from wishing.

And apparently, it doesn’t stop Hawks from kissing you anyway.

“I can’t,” he repeats and it sounds so broken you almost think that wound has reopened and he’s going to start slipping away again.

But the only thing that slips is his tongue past your lips and tangling with your own.

And then the levee breaks.

It’s a sudden torrent of hands and legs knotting together like the torn edges of too many injuries. Hawks covers every available part of you like an addict seeking his fix. It’s breathless and uncoordinated but you’ve never felt more alive, alight, aflame.

He presses his lips to yours again, pulling away and then diving back in. Frantic hands pull you off the mattress until your back is against the headboard and he’s straddling your lap. You take the opportunity to sink your fingers into that goldenrod hair and it’s just as silky as you’d imagined it to be.

Hawks moans into your mouth, kissing you wildly, like the beast he is with teeth clacking and your tongue sucked between his lips.

“I can’t,” he keeps mumbling, between groans and hips grinding and hands grabbing, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t— “

You wonder then which one of you he’s trying to convince.

But you don’t ask, just let your hands wander to the delicious curve of his ass on your thighs and squeeze, rolling his bulge against you. His fingers push and proud, ghosting across your chest and stopping to pinch your nipple. He drinks down the whimpers you let out, letting his lips wander your jaw and throat, sucking bruises—leaving his own scars on you—as he goes. He pushes you back down to the pillows so his lips can continue their work, latching onto the quickly hardening bud and suckling lightly. His groan sends little shockwaves through you and he looks up with brows furrowed like he’s in pain with how good it all feels.

“I’m sorry,” he says and it’s so soft you barely hear it between licks at your chest.

“No,” you finally find it in you to respond, shaking your head and pulling him back to your lips.

“I’m sorry,” he says again while you nip at his earlobe and down his jaw, tight pants yielding under your hands as they’re tugged away so he’s just as bare as you.

“No,” you shake your head and any response dies on his tongue as you dig your fingers into the feathers at the base of his wings and pull him forward.

Hawks lets out a choked gasp as his length, bare, hard, and leaking glides across your cunt. Any other time, you’d have liked to savor this moment. Get on your knees and worship his pretty cock—and you know it's pretty, just from your short glimpse. He’s long and perfectly thick, just how you dreamed he would be. The cute tuft of blond curls at his base is course in the best way as you trail your fingers through it to take him in your palm.

“Ahh,” he keens, arching above you with his head thrown back as you stroke him for the first time.

It’s been so long, you're not sure how you ever resisted this before. Not with how heavy and warm he is in your fist.

“Hawks,” you moan, sucking at the dip in his collarbone and moving to bite at his nipple. “Hawks, please.”

“I—” you think he might protest but you flick your thumb over the tip and it pours precum to help the slide of your fingers.

He’s already got those powerful arms hooked under your knees, all he has to do is lean forward and sink into that tight, awaiting heat, and he knows it. You can see the resolve cracking.

“Hawks,” you beg again. Because you are begging, that’s what this is.

And he looks at you, drool slipping from the corner of his mouth and brows all bunched up with his head shaking.

“Hawks.”

His hands grip the underside of your thighs and knock your hand from his dick.

“Hawks.”

His forehead comes down to rest against yours, eyes squeezed shut and red at the edges. You feel the sting at the corners as if they were your own.

“Hawks.”

You can only touch him when he’s dying.

Is he dying now?

Are you killing him?

“Hawks.”

His breath hitches, whatever he might have said is long gone when the head of his cock catches against your entrance.

“Hawks—”

He sinks in to the hilt all at once and the last utterance of his name is a yelp. Your walls clamp down hard around the intrusion, so much bigger than his fingers, so hot and long and thick as he pulses inside you.

There are no words after that.

No names, no refusals, just his face pressed up on yours as he pushes your thighs to your chest and rolls his hips, fucking you evenly into the mattress.

Not soft or slow or overly rough.

Though it is all of those things at once as well.

Hawks has always been full of contradictions. It makes sense that this is too.

Both your eyes stay open, lips brushing and sharing breath as he slips a hand back down to your clit and starts those perfect circles up again.

He doesn’t ask you questions now. Just stares in your eyes and sinks his cock into your over and over until you feel fuller, more complete than you ever have in the whole of your life.

There’s no warning leading up to the end. You feel the crest approaching, the coil waiting to snap low in your belly and you don’t dare take your eyes off his face. You need to commit the entirety of this moment to memory. Just in case.

Just in case it never happens again.

Or worse, it happens over and over until it doesn’t.

Until you run out of chances to touch him.

Until he comes to you too far gone.

“Oh fuck,” he mutters and that’s all the warning you get.

All the warning you have the strength to listen to as you tumble over the edge, waves of rolling pleasure burning under your skin. You clench hard around his cock as his hips stutter in their pace, thrusting unevenly as you gush and he spills rope after rope of hot release deep into you.

And you’d been wrong before, because this was full. This was whole, your stilling bodies pressed together at every point with his cock still hard and twitching as your walls milked him of cum that warmed you from the inside out.

This is what you would die for.

***

Later when you stumble into unwilling wakefulness, there are hands tucking a thin sheet over your bare skin.

Hawks has pulled himself from you after resting like you’d told him he should. He’s dressing, though not hurriedly, and you can’t find it in your jelly bones to move or stop him.

You’re both silent, even when he looks down to find your eyes alert and raking over him—costume donned and wings prepared for flight.

His face is drawn in a way that might have been resentment. Maybe towards you for breaking his resolve, maybe at himself for indulging in what he cannot have.

I can’t.

You hear the words as clear as though he’d just said them.

I can’t.

Can’t have you. Can’t forget his purpose. Can’t have gentle things.

Hawks is a villain, first and foremost, above all else and that includes you.

So you don’t move to stop him as he walks softly through your door. You just watch as he makes his way to the open window and perches on the ledge. He does look back, only briefly, to see you draped across the sheets, head resting on your arm and staring at him as he leaves you.

The ghost of that cheeky grin crawls its way onto his face before he tips backwards off the landing and into the night sky. He winks once before the indigo of the night swallows him like the maw of a leviathan. The city has teeth and it will chew him up and spit him back out into your arms soon enough.

So you’re content to wait.

You know this isn’t the last time. That he’ll come back to you as he’s always done. And offer you more and more of himself each time.

Because you can only touch him when he’s dying.

And this world is nothing if not determined to kill him.

So you can keep your purpose.

And by extension, you can keep him.

#hawks x reader #hawks x y/n #keigo takami x reader #villain!au #bnha fanfiction #tw blood #tw dubcon #hawks angst #hawks smut #bnha smut #mha smut #bee.writes

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welkinsky · 4 years ago

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A-Z Headcanon | Rock Lee X Re

@lady-doggo this one’s for you :D

A-Z Headcanons Masterlist

Masterlist

Warning: 18+ Content

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Obviously, you are going to be all drained after doing it, because come one.. Lee. So say no more, your man is already with a glass of water and towels and he honestly is so nice and sweet the entire time.

He might also be crying over the fact that you are HIS! Like wow, you're his! HIS!

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of their partner’s)

All. Of. You.! *But your thighs and your neck*

He loves to keep touching them again and again. You two cuddling? He needs to have one leg over your thigh and his face buried in your neck.

Or you two watching a movie together or just chilling in general, either he will have one hand on your thigh or around your shoulder creasing your neck softly without even noticing it.

C = Cuddling

Cuddling with Lee is more like him making being a pillow for you. He loves when you just lay on him, that way he gets to hug you even tighter or you being the small spoon is another thing he will appreciate.

*But return the favor by being the big spoon sometimes too, the guy loves to nuzzle in your neck remember?*

D = Dirty Secret

When you two weren't dating, he may or may not have seen you changing after a bath but OBVIOUSLY not on purpose. He was just passing by when he thought to visit you since you just came back from a mission. He peeped through the window, but what dirty is that he could take his eyes off you, he tried but he can't. But you know what is even dirtier? You knew all along so you put on a show for him.

E = Experience

You took his virginity. Yes, now don't argue with me. Bye. Read forward.

F = Favourite Position

Either him on top if he is in control but doesn't mind you on top too, he loves it when you take control. That just shows that you are having a good time too.

G = Goofy

He has a bad habit to misunderstand the situation, and when he does that in a very serious situation, you being you, cannot control your giggles. At least you two calm everybody down with this little dynamic of yours, in intense times.

H = Hair

You asked him if you can cut his hair, he is hesitant at first but lets you do it. If he likes the results, be ready for a weekly appointment with him.

I = Intimacy

He is not every intimate with PDA in public because his words are enough. He'll say very embarrassing and intimate stuff with a straight face in front of everyone as if it is nothing but just absolutely obvious. You literally turn into a tomato and he's like "What? I WILL marry you." Yeah, that sorta stuff, straight up.

And is very intimate physically when you two are together alone. Expect hugs, kisses, especially neck kisses out of nowhere.

J = Jack Off

No, he thinks that it is almost like cheating until you clarify that it is okay. It mainly consisted of you laughing at him and him being all fake angry and really embarrassed but still smiling watching you laugh.

But still won't do it that often.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

He doesn't have that many but would love to tie you up sometimes when he is REALLY feeling himself.

L = Location (Favourite places to do they do)

He likes doing it at home. But if you have any other ideas, he is shy but open to it *secretly wants to do it to*prefers

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Watching you in general? You doing anything? He admires you a lot okay? Also, we cannot deny the fact that you are good at combat too so whenever you beat the shit out of someone, expect it coming that night. Or as soon as you two get alone together.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Lee won’t do anything that you aren’t okay with. You’re his world and he can’t imagine hurting you or making you uncomfortable.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Lee abso-fucking-lutely loves eating you out. He’s actually really good at it. He had a huge performance pressure but once you guided him, he's a pro now. Lee is a fast learner and it didn’t take him long to figure out what makes you fall apart.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He usually is a slow and sensual type of person but he is one moment away from beating that vibrator of yours if you say "faster" even once while doing it. Whatever YOU want remember?

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

So remember he gets turned on by watching you being a badass? Bro you ARE going to get a quickie that very day in a bathroom stall.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He is not big on taking risks, but if you want it, he'll do it. Very cautious the entire time though.

S = Stamina

Come one, we're talking about Lee here. Lee can go for as long as you want with no break.

T = Toy

Lee doesn’t own any. Lee generally prefers to use his own hands instead. But sometimes like to use a vibrator on you and then take you on once you are all ready.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He tried but always melted under your pleas. But you can TOTALLY do it back to him. He will fall for it easily.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He is kinda loud. But if it is a risky place he's going to bury his face in the nape of your neck to avoid it but mostly to make sure that only you listen to them and you know what you're doing to him.

W = Wild Card (Just a random headcanon because I cannot think of anything starting with W)

He loves it when you cook for him. He's having a bad day? Cook him a gooood meal. He's going to pull you to his lap and feed you too while he rests his head on your shoulder. Run your hands through his hair, please. This way he feels acknowledged that you KNOW how hard he works. Sure he gets praises for him being the best at Taijutsu but he needs motivation and acknowledgment through the process too.

X = X-Ray

He is not a "buffed" buffed kind of guy but sure is full of muscles. Come on, he probably does like 1000000 pushups a day.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Not that much actually, he's more of an if you're down then I'm down kind of guy.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

He makes sure that you are comfortable and once that is done. Goodnight world. He is KNOCKED OUT! Will try to stay up if you are in a chatty mood but since you know he already works too much the entire day, you let him sleep.

#rock lee #lee #rock lee headcanons #rock lee imagine #rock lee fanfiction #rock lee x reader #rock lee smut #naruto #naruto shippuden #a-z with sky

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wing-ed-thing · 4 years ago

Text

Kakuzu Relationship Headcanons

💕Damn can we just take a moment to appreciate that open back top?

💕Favorite grumpy dilf

💕Materialistic, it comes from his years of service. He’s 91 year old, that’s a long time to become jaded

💕It’s kinda hard to become attached to people when you’ve been betrayed or you know that they’re going to die and you’ll live

💕Kakuzu risked it all for his village only to be shunned and locked up so affection isn’t exactly in his toolbox. At least not outward affection

💕At least in the beginning, you’ll have to train yourself to ask, “So how does this benefit Kakuzu?”

💕You’ll have to watch out because this man is ruthless so this exercise will definitely come in handy

💕Because I say this about all the Akatsuki and I’ll say it again: You better be relatively slashproof because Kakuzu has a temper

💕Any kind of “affection” is going to come out of a form of mutual respect. Kakuzu appreciates skill and intelligence

💕Kakuzu doesn’t have many “good graces” to fall into, but you know you’re doing pretty well for yourself when he decides to do anything that doesn’t directly benefit him for you or dare I say share

💕You’re by no means getting the lion’s share of any profits, but he’ll definitely haggle down some prices for you at the market

💕Maybe once he’ll do something uncharacteristically soft and buy something for you. But know that:

💕1) He’d have to be very, very, very, very fond of you

💕2) He’s not paying for it, it’s coming out of Hidan’s pay, or what’s more likely, your pay.

💕If he’s fond of you, it’s all about the quiet time.

💕He’s a little more agreeable if you’re a bit on the naive side or otherwise someone he doesn’t have to worry about control with

💕Kakuzu finds it easier if you just follow along with what he says without questions (but you still have to be either very skillful or very smart)

💕It’s a power thing it’s not supposed to make that much sense

💕You’re not about be out holding hands with Kakuzu in public tho. What do you have a death wish?

💕BUT he would totally be the type to have a typical, bubbly housewife though

💕Like sorta hidden away in the country who he comes home to every so often

💕You'd help him with his finances. He’d send over some books to balance while he’s away on missions.

💕Even if you’re not good at math you’re going to get very good at accounting

💕Mob wife

💕Kakuzu is a sucker for a home cooked meal.

💕Overall a bit of softness to balance out his hard shell

💕And yeah, there will be a bunch of Kakuzu content coming in the near future

Thank you to everyone who liked, followed, commented, or otherwise supported! I appreciate your support so much, it really means the world.

#kakuzu x reader #kakuzu #Kakuzu relationship headcanons #Kakuzu headcanons #x you #x reader #reader insert #naruto headcanon #naruto headcanons #naruto imagines #naruto imagine #naruto x reader #naruto x you #naruto x y/n

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lesbianrobin · 3 years ago

Note

What do you think are the good and bad aspects of each season of ST?

ok 1. thank u for this question omg and 2. this answer may or may not be a mess, but either way it’s long (almost 7k words lmao) bc i’m insane, which is why it’s under a cut. it’s still by no means an exhaustive list but these are the things that just kinda came to mind.

also i realize you asked “good and bad” and i wrote this whole post as “strengths and weaknesses” which um. is not Exactly what you asked. but close enough <3 i also ended up including a lot of au ideas ksjdckmn bc like i personally hate when people say a certain plot or whatever was bad without suggesting anything that could have improved it yknow so whenever possible i tried to provide Some idea for fixing the issues i had with the show!!

season 1

strengths (this is probably gonna be the longest section but that’s because a lot of these strengths also apply to s2/s3 by default)

nostalgia and authenticity

this one’s pretty simple, but i think that season one did a good job of blending classic eighties media homages (such as the many many e.t./el parallels) with explicit pop culture references (such as mike’s yoda impression, mentions of the x-men, etc) to create a show that’s essentially dripping in early eighties nostalgia without it feeling too forced. before st, i think the most popular depiction of the eighties in mainstream media was that overly exaggerated neon scrunchie aesthetic from the mid to late eighties, and it was usually done in a comedic sense first and foremost. st took a different approach, instead focusing on the early eighties, a time that’s often ignored in favor of going either Full Seventies or Full Eighties, and i think that this choice likely resonated with adults who lived through the eighties and hadn’t yet seen something that felt quite so accurate to their own adolescence. a lot of young people who watched st were totally unfamiliar with this period of time, unfamiliar with books/movies like “stand by me” that st borrows from heavily, and i think st lent more seriousness to the eighties than most young people had experienced so far, and this was refreshing and interesting!

the use of dnd in the show is also quite genius in a way i’m not sure i can articulate?? it isn’t something Everyone would have played at the time, but it’s something that existed within a different context back in the eighties than it does today, and it really lent a sort of authenticity to the naming of the show’s sci-fi elements. like, of course these kids would name parallel dimensions and monsters and superpowers after these similar things in their favorite game! it just feels so real and it grounds st in our reality moreso than you might expect from the typical sci-fi or horror universe.

utilization of existing tropes

almost every single character in st clearly originates from some popular trope. the plot itself is riddled with classic eighties movie tropes. almost every single element of stranger things can be clearly traced back to some iconic eighties film or just to, like, overused horror/sci-fi/mystery/coming-of-age movie tropes in general. this might sound like a bad thing, but it really works in st’s favor! starting off with familiar tropes gives st the ability to easily create a lot of complexity and make a big impact by selectively deviating from those familiar, comfortable tropes!! while el’s whole plot, hopper’s character, etc, are all examples of this in action, i think the steve/nancy/jonathan plot is the greatest example. even from the start, the fact that good girl barb dies while nancy is off having sex with her asshole boyfriend is an incredibly thorough inversion of the most well-known horror movie trope in the book. how often do girls in horror movies have sex for the first time, walk home alone in the dark of night, and live to tell the tale? nancy and jonathan’s dynamic at first glance is a sort of classic “good girl meets boy from the wrong side of the tracks, discovers he’s actually got a heart of gold” thing, but instead of following this well-trodden path, st diverged. nancy is brash, impulsive, and at times downright insensitive. jonathan is angry, bitter, and actually a bit of a creep at first. while they have the capacity to emotionally connect and support one another, they can also bring out each other’s darker side, which is not what we’ve come to expect from that initial tropey dynamic.

in addition, steve, the popular rich asshole boyfriend, is actually... a human being! unlike the cartoonishly evil jocks that we’ve come to expect (especially from eighties movies), steve has complexity. despite his initial immaturity and selfishness, he’s also kind to barb, he backs off when nancy says no, he’s gentle and sweet when they sleep together, his first big Dick Move of the season is in defense of nancy, he realizes the error of his ways after the fight and does what he can to fix it, he’s worried about nancy when he sees that she’s hurt at jonathan’s house, and to top it all off, he ends up saving both nancy and jonathan’s lives when he could have just walked away, and the three of them all work together to fight the demogorgon. like... steve began as the most stereotypical character of all time, and by the end of the season, he had one of the most compelling and unique arcs among the whole cast!

finally, at the very end of the season, instead of dumping steve for jonathan as expected, nancy ends up getting back together with steve, and they’re both on friendly terms with jonathan. i realize that i just kinda. summarized s1. but my POINT is that i don’t think the dynamics between the monster hunting trio would be nearly as fun and interesting had the characters of nancy, steve, and jonathan not been set up to follow certain paths that we already had charted in our own heads. like, within the first couple episodes of s1, it’s pretty obvious that nancy and steve are gonna break up, nancy will get with jonathan, and steve will either die or go full evil or just never be seen again. like, duh! you’ve seen this story a million times! you know that’s how it’s gonna go! so, when the story DOESN’T go that way, the impact of each character’s arc and the relationship dynamics become stronger due to their unexpected complexity and authenticity.

distinct plotlines separated by age group

this one’s rather obvious, but the way that the adults in s1 were essentially in a conspiracy thriller while the teens were in a horror flick and the kids were in a sci fi power-of-friendship story and all three converged at the end... wow. brilliant showstopping etc. not only was it just really well done and unique, it also gave stranger things near-universal appeal. like, there’s genuinely something for pretty much everyone in season one!

casting

obviously this applies to every season sorta by default, but when i think about what made season one So successful, i always think about the cast, and not just winona ryder. yes, she’s absolutely amazing in the show and it’s very doubtful that st would be as big as it is today without her name being attached to it from the start!! however, i think the greatest determining factor in st’s success is the casting of the kids, particularly millie bobby brown. like... el is just absolutely incredible. she’s amazing. this has all been said many times before so i won’t harp on it, but millie and the other kids are all So talented and charismatic and i think their casting has been instrumental to the show’s success.

strong visuals

the way that multicolored christmas lights which have been around for decades are now kinda like. a Stranger Things thing. jesus christ. those lights are probably the biggest stroke of stylistic genius on the show.

atmosphere and setting

this is probably like. the least important one here for me sdjncdsc because i think s2 and s3 both had like Even Better atmospheres and shit but s1 was good too and it laid the groundwork!! i know a lot of people would have preferred st be set somewhere more Spooky with lots of fog or giant forests or whatnot, and while i do enjoy thinking about alternate st settings and how they might alter the vibe, i think hawkins indiana was a good choice. as the duffers have said, placing stranger things in a fictional town allows them more flexibility than if they’d gone with their original plan of using montauk, new york. besides that, i think the plainness and like... flatness... of small-town indiana just Works. like, the fact that hawkins is never really scary on the surface is a big part of the horror in the lab’s actions and their impact. hawkins isn’t somewhere that people just disappear all the time. it isn’t somewhere known for strange occurrences (prior to s1, that is). it isn’t somewhere shrouded in mist and secrecy. hawkins on its surface seems like the sort of place with no secrets and nothing to fear, and that’s the point! the lab is out in the open! it’s right there! everything is so close to the surface, yet so far out of the public eye, and i think that really works.

the byers family’s whole deal (specifically the joyce/jonathan dynamic)

this is going here bc i miss it so bad in s2 and s3. i’m not one of those people who believe The Byers Are The Whole Point of the show, because st is and always has been an ensemble, and el, hopper, and the wheelers are just as instrumental to the plot as the byers, but ANYWAY, i do think the byers were one of the most interesting aspects of s1. joyce’s difficulties with supporting her sons as a poor and (implied mentally ill) single mother, jonathan’s stress as a result of having to earn money, care for his brother, and keep the house in order when his mother is unable to do so, and the resulting tension between them when will’s disappearance and supposed “death” brings the situation to a tipping point? holy shit! it’s so good! that argument after they see will’s “body” is just incredible and gut-wrenching. their relationship feels so real and messy and i think it’s just... good. also winona ryder REALLY acted her heart out and she carried a lot of s1 which i think people often forget to mention so i’m saying it here.

weaknesses

pacing/timing

ok so pacing is probably going to go in each season’s weaknesses, to be honest, because i think they all had a blend of some good and some bad pacing. good pacing is invisible pacing, though, so i probably won’t be putting it in any of the strengths sections and will only be focusing on it in the weaknesses. i’m also probably not going to talk about weird day/night cycle things, just because i don’t want to get nitpicky on timelines because that would require going back and rewatching things to double check timing which i don’t wanna do at the moment lmao. anyway, when i think of bad pacing in season one, i primarily think of two things: nancy’s little trip into the upside down and subsequent sleepover with jonathan, and the sort of staggered nature of the climax in the final episode. the latter is simple so i’ll explain it first: while i understand that each group’s respective climax is like part of a chain reaction and that’s why each big moment happens separately and at different times, i think that st is strongest when the whole group is together, and i think that makes the stakes feel higher too, so i’m not In Love with the way s1 separated everyone and gave each group their own climax.

okay, now on to the nancy/upside down thing! idk if i’ve ever talked about it before, but i think the worst decision made in s1 by far is the inclusion of nancy’s brief trip into the upside down, wherein she dives headfirst into another dimension with absolutely no backup, watches the demogorgon chow down, freaks out and runs around for a minute, and then leaves. like... what the fuck? even putting aside what an idiotic decision this was (because i do think nancy’s tendency to rush into things headfirst is an intentional and consistent character trait), it just kind of destroys any remaining suspense surrounding the demogorgon and the upside down, and it accomplishes basically nothing besides scaring nancy enough to have jonathan sleep over, which is lame. i will break it down.

like, first of all, nancy just getting to waltz in and out of the upside down and get a good, long look at the demogorgon makes the entire thing far less mysterious, and by extension far less scary. like... before this scene, we the audience haven’t got a good look at the demogorgon. we’ve seen its silhouette briefly and we’ve seen a blurry picture of it, but nothing more, and i think that is far more effective at building fear than this jaunt nancy goes on which gives us a full view of the thing and makes it into less of a horrifying nightmare and into more of a humanoid animal. like, maybe this is just me, but i found the demogorgon far less intimidating after that scene than before. it also lets nancy and jonathan know For Sure that they’re right without providing any crucial information that they need to fight the demogorgon (aka it’s unnecessary to the plot), which removes a very compelling story element (the faith nancy and jonathan need to have in order to keep going against a vague and poorly understood enemy, the doubt they might have about each other and their own sanity, the possibility that they might be wrong, the trust they need to have in each other) a bit earlier in the plot than i believe is ideal. at the end of episode 5, nancy goes into the upside down and jonathan doesn’t know where she is and it’s intense!!! you’re thinking like, oh fuck, not only is nancy missing and fighting for her life now too, jonathan might be implicated in her disappearance!! some people already think he’s the one who killed will and people know that he took creepy pictures of barb and nancy before they both disappeared, maybe this is gonna cause some serious problems for him!! maybe nancy will find will in the upside down and she’ll help him survive!! fuck, maybe she’ll actually die!! this is huge!! and then episode 6 starts and they’re immediately like oh nevermind jonathan found the tree and got nancy out and she’s fine. my point with all of this is that nancy entering the upside down could have done A Lot in the grand scheme of the plot, but all it did was just... get jonathan to sleep over so he and nancy could have some awkward romance moments and steve could see them together and pick a fight. which could have honestly happened at Any point while nancy and jonathan were working together to hunt down the demogorgon, without ruining the demogorgon’s and the upside down’s mystique. so yeah <3

weird behavior and dumbass decisions that make no sense (aka the whole camera thing)

gonna go off about the teen plot again sorry but: why was nancy so unbothered and quick to forgive jonathan for taking those pictures? girl what the fuck are you doing? why wasn’t that a bigger deal? why was jonathan’s motivation for doing it so weak and why did they just kind of forget about the whole thing? why did nancy TRACK HIM DOWN AT THE FUNERAL HOME while he was PICKING OUT HIS BABY BROTHER’S CASKET to be like hey can you tell me what’s in this creepshot you took? it’s insane. it’s so insane. i mean i think the funeral home thing is hilarious and i don’t mind it being in the show necessarily but like my point here is that i think a lot of character decisions in s1 just kind of.. happened because they Needed to happen for the plot. like, they wrote this plot that required jonathan to be secretly taking pictures of the party and required him and nancy to work together after seeing something odd in the pictures, but they didn’t like... really consider what that event would mean for their characterization and relationship. the whole thing was sort of just dropped with minimal discussion and i think it did both nancy and jonathan’s characters a disservice and was really mishandled.

lighting and saturation/color grading

i am literally begging horror/sci-fi shows to let me see shit. i GET IT okay i understand that when you’re doing cgi effects it helps to keep the lights down and i’m not mad at any of the lighting in the demogorgon/upside down scenes!! i’m really not i think the demogorgon scenes in s1 all look sick!! but like... dude. the colors. where are they. why does everyone look like a vampire. i know blah blah this was probably an intentional stylistic choice intended to mimic film at the time blah blah but dude a lot of old movies are very colorful!! please just let people have color in their faces so everyone doesn’t look like a sheet of paper!!! also i’m white and not a professional lighting designer so yknow grain of salt but i think lucas was kinda poorly served by the lighting sometimes in s1. not Hugely so, not to the degree that i’ve seen poc be poorly served by lighting in other shows, but there were some times where it felt kinda like the lighting setup was just not designed with darker skin in mind.

horror

i just personally don’t find s1 very scary like... ever. i don’t think they were really Trying to be extremely scary yknow so i’m not counting this as a big deal, but i do think that each season has improved on the horror aspects. i think s1′s horror lies more in the mystery and the unknown than in what’s seen onscreen, and as i’ve said already, i think s1 kind of fumbled that suspense ball.

season 2

strengths

the possession plot

i’ll warn u rn this whole s2 strengths section is probably gonna be really short bc idk like. how much there is to really say i feel like it’s all so self-explanatory skjncmn. anyway yeah the possession plot!! eerie as fuck, and noah OWNED. so did winona tbh and finn and sean etc but like. noah. wow! i think the possession plot helped the show maintain a good amount of tension and suspense throughout the season, and a lot of scenes with possessed!will are flatout disturbing to watch. in a good way. i think the mindflayer and will’s possession were far more genuinely frightening than s1′s demogorgon, and it provided a new layer of depth and intrigue to the antagonist besides just “bad monster want eat people.”

tone and aesthetics

halloween season... literally halloween season. halloween season. that is all.

actually i will elaborate a bit and just say that i think s2 did a good job of having the sort of foreboding vibe that s1 was often going for, but without the annoying darkness and desaturation. so points for that.

also st2 is like one of the best Autumn pieces of media ever like it just. like steve and dustin on those train tracks with the fallen leaves all around them.... god. god the vibes are unparalleled. all of the halloween stuff also really contributes to the nostalgia st runs on yknow it makes you think about childhood and trick-or-treating and you kind of get transported like damn... i remember going to the rich neighborhoods to score the good candy..... idk i just think the whole thing is incredibly effective.

“babysitter” steve

by sending nancy and jonathan off together, the show created a problem: what to do with steve? this problem pushed them to create the unconventional and unexpected duo of steve and dustin, and the world is so much brighter for it. seriously though we all know steve and dustin are great i don’t need to argue that point. all i’ll add is that i think allowing steve to grow in this way, serving as a mentor figure and becoming genuine friends with someone so unexpected, really took the originality of his character to the next level. no longer content just to defy his archetype, in s2 steve begins branching out in ways that never would have been considered in s1, creating an incredibly complex and interesting person from the sort of character that most shows would have simply written out or killed off for convenience’s sake. and it works and steve and dustin are such a joy to watch and i love them. <3

the lucas/max plot

so first of all max mayfield is the most perfect baby girl on god’s green earth and idk what i would do without her but anyway. i think lumax is the best romantic relationship in the show and not just because they’re the only ones with like an age-appropriate approach to the whole thing. it’s also because their relationship accomplishes more than just putting the two of them in a relationship!! lucas and max spending time together motivates billy to do his evil shit, providing more conflict in the narrative, and it also helps establish max as part of the group in a relatively natural way while giving both her and lucas a great subplot. lucas (and dustin) has a crush on the new girl, they start spending some time together, and lucas ends up needing to decide whether he’ll keep the secret of the upside down and lose her, or risk both of their lives by telling her the truth. that’s a pretty big, character-defining decision that he gets to make!! max has to choose whether to trust this boy she barely knows and endanger herself, or to walk away and stay safe, yet another great character-defining choice that also contributes to the sense we get as an audience of max as somebody who’s incredibly lonely and desperate for love and connection. this post is way too long already and i have a ton more to say so i’ll stop now but yeah i think lumax really Works in the show without ever distracting or detracting from the overall plot and narrative in the way that some other ships (coughjancycough) often do.

balance between the normal and abnormal

s2 i think did a pretty solid job of melding daily life with more fantastical sci-fi horror elements. i enjoyed seeing so much of the kids at school in the first few episodes!! you really get a strong sense of where they’re at in life, what their daily lives are like, and you get a sort of gradual shift into madness that makes everything feel more grounded than i think it would if they had just leapt straight into the horror shit, yknow?

the el and hopper dynamic

go back and rewatch s2 and tell me that’s not one of the most moving portrayals of parenthood and trauma and growing up that you’ve ever seen. you can’t. or well you can but i won’t listen. i really can’t imagine stranger things without el and hopper’s relationship, and it’s my absolute favorite part of s2. their whole dynamic is so beautiful and complex, and gives them each amazing personal arcs in addition! the black hole scene is literally one of the show’s greatest moments of all time. any given scene between the two of them in s2 is just guaranteed to be heartwarming as well as heartbreaking, and i think that makes for an incredible show.

weaknesses

flashbacks

okay this applies to Every season they All have too many flashbacks but in s2 specifically... please stop showing me shit from season one. i watched it. i know what happened. you don’t need to spoon feed everything to me!! flashbacks can be a really helpful way of delivering information to an audience, but st has a bad habit of not only being kinda demeaning in how often they flash back to shit that the audience already knows, but they also have a bad habit of using flashbacks almost as a crutch to avoid having to deliver information subtly and naturally.

you know i gotta say it... the lost sister

this is so sad. the lost sister really is like a great concept for an st episode, and i’m not mad about the idea of st taking a break from the normal action to focus on one story for a full episode, but the execution of it was just dreadful. kali and her crew feel very over-the-top and stereotypical, and its placement in the season totally kills the tension and excitement that was built in “the spy.”

i think the lost sister honestly could have gone over far better, even with the stereotypical fake-feeling gang kali has, if they had just swapped it with “the spy” like... ok, the end of episode five has el setting off to find kali and will collapsing on the ground seizing. right? imagine if, instead of immediately following will to the lab, we’d followed el. we don’t know what’s happening with will, but it’s a very simple cliffhanger that leaves us on edge without making us feel cheated by the show cutting away. we follow el on her little journey, everything happens much the same as canon, and then at the end, el sees hopper in scrubs. she sees mike, screaming, sees that they’re both in danger. holy shit!!! what the fuck!!! what’s happened since we left will seizing on the ground??? we feel el’s fear and confusion. she decides to go home. and then... boom. “the lost sister” is over. now, we rewind, right back to will seizing on the ground, and “the spy” commences. we learn how they got into the danger that el saw in the end of “the lost sister,” and we sit on the edge of our seats all through “the spy” and “the mind flayer,” KNOWING that el is on her way back to save them but not knowing when she’ll arrive!! idk i don’t think that would have necessarily saved lost sister but i think it may have alleviated some of the issues that i and many others have with it, timing-wise.

the nancy/jonathan sidequest

once again, the idea of nancy going off on her own little mission to find justice for barb after s1 is like. amazing. genuinely i love that plot for her and i can’t imagine anything better for her to have focused on in s2. unfortunately though i think her and jonathan’s little trip to see murray was just kind of... lame. the whole thing just felt like an excuse to get the two of them alone together, yknow? which is fine i guess people contrive all sorts of situations to get characters alone together for romance reasons but in this case i think it just really doesn’t work for me because of what it’s juxtaposed with. like, will is POSSESSED, and jonathan is just off on a mini road trip and sleeping with his bestie, and jonathan never seems to communicate to joyce/will that he left town, and joyce never like... thinks to tell him that will is like sick and fucked up and they’re looking at him in the lab??? like it’s so weird i know joyce always forgets about jonathan when shit’s happening with will but jfc you’d think at some point in that like... 72-ish-hour period where jonathan was out of town she would have thought about him. like at least once. maybe i’m forgetting something and she mentioned him sometime and i missed it but even still, i hate the juxtaposition of nancy and jonathan just like cheers-ing at murray’s place and sleeping together and whatnot while everyone else is dealing with possession or trying to hunt down dart yknow? it feels really boring in comparison and i think it could have been done far better. like it was SO insanely easy for them to get into the lab and get an admission of guilt and escape with it!! i think it might have been a lot more engaging if maybe someone from the lab tailed them to murray’s place and they had to like lose the tail and race to get the recording out to as many news outlets as possible before they got caught, or something like that. the tension in their plotline is completely resolved in episode four!! episodes five and six are just them screwing around and addressing envelopes. while there were a lot of strong ideas in this plotline (i really enjoy nancy going out of her way to get justice, and the fact that they have to water down the story to make it believable), i just think the focus on nancy and jonathan getting together hindered it a lot without adding a ton to the plot or their individual characters.

season 3

strengths

starcourt mall as a setting

while i don’t think the mall was utilized quite to its full potential (something i could make a separate post about if anyone’s interested), i do think that starcourt was a genius addition to the series. i’ve said this before, but building a new mall is a literal Perfect in-universe justification for a significant leap forward in fashion and aesthetics, and it provides a great location for characters to just... be characters. idk how else to articulate this i just think that the mall is a great setting to let people interact with each other and to bring people together who may not have been otherwise (i.e. scoops troop). not to mention how sick it was to see the mall get wrecked toward the end kdjncdkm like they were able to do so much more with the mall in terms of like The Finale than they could with just the byers house or the cabin or the school or even the lab. i love all the back tunnels they run through it’s such a fun like acknowledgement of how this glitzy eighties mall is just a real place where employees get shipments and take out the trash and shit idk it’s all about the perfect facade and what’s hidden what’s underneath what’s hiding in plain sight etc etc i’m just saying words now. anyway.

willingness to experiment and go against expectations

gay robin. neon aesthetics. giant fucking meat monster. i know some people hate both the neon and the meat monster but i personally think they were kind of amazing and like. yknow regardless of personal tastes i think it’s impossible to deny that s3 had a lot of incredible visuals, and they’re all visuals that just wouldn’t have been possible if the show were too afraid to stray from its s1 aesthetic. robin being canonically gay (and her resulting friendship with steve) and the season’s striking visuals are two things that most everyone (besides like homophobes skjncdknm) can agree were great, right? and they were both departures from where the show began and what we all expected!! so yeah i think while some of the experimentation in s3 wasn’t ideal it was also that experimentation that allowed for some of the season’s strongest elements to come about.

the hospital sequence (and the season’s action/horror scenes in general)

this one is fairly self-explanatory. while they may have underutilized the “body snatching” element of the season, the hospital sequence with nancy and jonathan fighting off their possessed bosses did an amazing job of building tension and creating a genuine sense of really intense and personal danger.

in general i think that s3 melded action and horror rather well, particularly in the sauna test, the hospital, and when the mindflayer busts through the roof of hop’s cabin. horror can come from many things, and in this case, st elicited horror largely from the feeling of helplessness, and it was really effective for me personally. i think it worked better for me than s1′s brand of horror because it doesn’t rely so much on a lack of knowledge or a sense of suspense that inevitable disappears upon a second viewing.

the body horror we got in s3 was also really fun! that’s it i just think all the blood and guts and slime were fun and i would like more of them. once again, the impacts of body horror are less dependent upon the viewer being in the dark or unsure as to what’s happening, and as such i think it tends to be a little more effective at eliciting reaction in the long term.

timing and mechanics of the battle of starcourt/finale

i think the battle of starcourt is just fucking awesome, and beyond that personal opinion, i think it’s the most high-stakes and intense finale of all three seasons, and this is for two main reasons! 1. el is out of commission, and 2. (almost) everyone is in the same cental location. this means that (almost) everyone is in danger all at once, and they are all working together at the same time to fight the same threat. s1/s2 have their groups more fragmented for the finales, and while i understand why in each case and i wouldn’t call either season’s finale necessarily weak, i do think the centralized nature of the s3 finale just Works on another level. in s1 and s2, large segments of the cast are already perfectly safe by the time el dispatches the primary threat. in s3, however, everybody save for dustin and erica is still in danger up until the last moment, and el is seemingly (you can def debate how much power she still had in her when she peeked into billy’s mind and whether the memory broke the mindflayer’s hold on him or if she was actually controlling him to some degree) completely vulnerable. this increases the tension and raises the stakes, making the finale a real crescendo to fortissimo as opposed to a series of little mezzo forte moments. i hope everyone reading this knows music idk how else to phrase that my brain is stupid.

emphasis on friendship and adolescence (but in a different way than s1/2)

this is definitely a controversial one but i think that s3 really did like... show a side of friendship that had been more or less unexplored thus far in the show. el and max were amazing, and i think it’s really nice that we got an opportunity to see the kids have some growing pains as well as see them support each other through Normal Adolescent Stuff like boyfriends and breakups instead of just like. death and trauma. this is maybe just a personal preference, but i think it can be really enlightening and provide a lot of depth when you get to see how characters respond to normal everyday conflict and not just how they respond to giant world-ending conflict!! letting el use her powers for goofy teenage shit like spying on boys and messing with mean girls at the mall is not only fun for her and the audience, but it also really emphasizes just how much those powers are a part of el, making it that much more devastating when she loses them at the end of the season.

weaknesses

tonal dissonance

so this is like. obvious. but it must still be said! i won’t go on and on about it since we all know this so i’ll try to like talk about it from an angle people don’t usually? anyway. it seems to me like they were maybe a little worried about s3 being too dark. while the choice to really lean into humor was definitely driven by the sorts of eighties teen films from which s3 drew inspiration (like fast times at ridgemont high), i think it was also done in an attempt to alleviate the more troubling implications of some events in the season, particularly the russian bunker plot. like, yeah, st can be incredibly dark, but if they’d played the whole “children being stuck inside of a foreign military base, tied up, tortured, and drugged” thing completely straight without the humorous elements that exist in canon, it had the potential to be like... disturbing on a new level. steve and robin don’t have powers like el yknow their kidnapping/torture doesn’t have any sci-fi elements to sorta soften the blow. they’re just innocent teenagers being brutalized and traumatized by grown men. so anyway yeah i think maybe the writers were concerned about this storyline coming off as too dark and they wanted it to be a little more whimsical but they ended up pushing way too hard in that direction and creating extreme dissonance at times. this goes for joyce/hopper/murray/alexei too, but to a lesser extent. i think the ridiculousness in that group felt a lot more like... realistic. but still.

newspaper plot

once again i feel like i don’t even need to say this skjdncmn we all know it was insane how the show basically ended up delivering the message “while misogyny is a serious problem poverty and classism are not” and i’ve said it on this blog a million times so i don’t need to repeat myself. i’ll focus on another weak point of this plot: the fact that it completely separates nancy and jonathan from everyone else. once again, the show’s preoccupation with j/ancy held them back! like... can you imagine a version of s3 where nancy and jonathan both worked in the mall? i have a lot of ideas about this possible au and like how the plot could play out differently if they worked in the mall but first of all it’s just more realistic, second of all it further utilizes the mall as a central setting, and third of all, it would bring everyone together. as it is in canon, nancy and jonathan were unnecessarily isolated from the rest of the group, and this isolation was detrimental to both of their characters. like, they only ever get to interact with each other! if they’d gotten summer jobs in the mall, they could have had more interactions with the kids/steve/robin, and they absolutely still could have had a similar argument! maybe in this case, nancy notices the rat thing (or something else odd) herself when taking out the trash behind the mall, and she wants jonathan to ditch work with her to check it out bc she thinks it may be related to the lab. jonathan doesn’t want to ditch work because he needs his job, nancy argues that they’re working shitty mall jobs anyway and who cares if they get fired, and we get more or less the same thing as s3 without the cartoonishly over-the-top misogyny. i mean honestly i think the rat shit could have been cut entirely it didn’t rly... accomplish much of anything. in my opinion. like imagine s3 without the rat plot you literally would not be missing anything except it would be more surprising when the dudes melted into goo at the hospital. so yeah i think it would have been better if nancy and jonathan had jobs at the mall, weren’t isolated from everybody else, and were maybe absorbed into the party’s plot or the scoops troop’s plot from very early on, allowing them to interact with more characters and have a less... dumb.... plot. like god splitting up nancy and jonathan between the party/scoops troop would have been So Much better i just. sdkjcnksdmn anyway yeah.

briefness of group reunion/separation of groups

remember in s2 at the beginning of “the gate,” where mike and hopper had a confrontation and max and el met for the first time and el hugged everyone and steve and nancy had their sad little moment together outside... where’s that energy? obviously the s2 reunion wasn’t that long either, but it made space for some significant emotional moments to take place. s3′s reunion had some hopper/el/mike resolution, but besides that... there was nothing, really. i just think that the whole group getting together in s3 was SO exciting and powerful the way they did it (with both the scoops troop and the adults having their own Big Moment reconnecting with team griswold family), but the emotional potential was more or less squandered.

i also think in s3 at times they were really stretching to keep everybody separated even though it made no sense. and like... in s1 the separation worked bc nobody else knew that (x group) was experiencing weird shit too, and beyond that, each group (as i mentioned in the s1 section) was sort of operating within their own genre and bringing something unique to the season. they’ve stopped doing that though! now, the groups aren’t separate bc each plot is tonally/structurally different, the groups are just separate bc... they need to be, because it’s a big ensemble cast and you can’t just have them all be together for a whole season or it would be way too difficult to coordinate things and keep the show dynamic. all this is to say that i’m excited for s4 because the location differences make it so there’s a Reason for each plot to be separate at the beginning, and i think that’ll work better.

general ridiculousness

i dont mean like i think it’s bad that they made jokes this is just me lumping in all the dumb shit like hopper not worrying about el and not wanting to check on the kids, him and joyce bickering long after they both know they and their children are in danger, max seemingly forgetting that billy is a racist abuser, etc etc. i think many of these are just a symptom of the show 1. trying desperately to keep the groups split up a certain way even though it may not make any sense, and 2. trying to fit into a certain genre/trope mold when their actual characters are more complex than the tropes they’re imitating. this is so fucking long already i am not gonna elaborate further rn but i trust u all know what i mean.

soooo... yeah, that’s about all! i mean it’s not all there are definitely many more things i could talk about and i know i focused sorta disproportionately on the teens which is my bad :/ but i’m done for now. thank you for asking, and apologies for the delay in responding!! i’m sure some people reading (if anyone read this far) will disagree with some of what i’ve said and that’s alright like i’m not The Authority on st or anything i’m just trying to talk about like my own thoughts yknow? so yeah luv u all i hope someone enjoyed reading this!!

#asks #em talks #lesbianrobin.canon #stranger things #if u actually read all this i love u and im sorry #these r just my opinions!! and im sure i misremembered some shit my brain is swiss cheese #i did my best tho

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