#it didnt move like a necklace anymore

[sterlingsnail]

I have eds so my joints regularly dislocate/tear/have issues so MRIs were common for me growing up. One time when I was around 15 I did the routine of going through my pockets, taking off my jacket, making sure I had no metal on me and got on the bed of the MRI. Almost immediately but also too late for my autistic brain to feel like it would be "normal" to ask them to stop the MRI, I notice I forgot to take off my "lucky" necklace I never took off. I was filled with intrusive thoughts of being decapitated by the metal chain as i watched the pendant slowly rise up in the air, so I grabbed the pendant and unclipped the necklace, gripping the potential bullet with sweaty palms the entire time

I have a lot of medical trauma but that one is near the top of the list lol

thought too hard about MRI machines today and had this come to me in a vision

[a-dash-in-the-middle]

i actually do like jewellery as a gift bc when i wear it i feel like i have a part of the people who gifted it with me

[omgwhatchloe]

things i think would make modern au van der linde members cry!!

SEAN

- genuinely algebra i can see him sobbing and going "i cant do it while angrily scribbling his work out

- the thought of his da being bullied at work (his da would never get bullied at work, his da probably is the bully.)

- arthur, lenny and dutch genuinely being mean to him

- when no one did ANYTHING for his birthday and he realised he wasnt having a surprise party either (this is completely because he had never mentioned when his birthday was before and no one could've known)

JOHN

- if jack ever drew a picture of him at kindergarten or whatever when asked to draw his hero or someone he loves

- if he got promised fast food then the person who promised it came back without fast food

- thoughts about funerals

- when abigail brings up what he used to say about her just to get a laugh from bill freaking williamson + how he treated jack when he was younger

LENNY

- getting up for work at 5am after falling asleep at 2am

- if he was hungry all day and the first meal he ate tasted like shit

- his birthdays he hates getting older

- when sean said he was moving back to ireland and he only realised hours later he was joking

- when the boys made a mess out of his room when they all got drunk and left it for him to clean

HOSEA

- videos about children suffering like any kind of suffering because he has such a soft spot for them

- thoughts of john and arthur being isolated/bullied

- when he thinks about his illness

- bessie.

- seeing john make slideshows/videos about how much he loves him and dutch thinking they wont see it (tears of joy)

DUTCH

- also thoughts about john and arthur being isolated/bullied

- hosea’s illness

- when hosea wanted to plan his funeral

- arthur repeatedly declining his calls

- john saying he wants to die as a joke

BILL

- if he ever bought fast food and dropped it and didnt have enough money to buy anymore

- sad dog videos and gets even sadder when he cant

- adopt them all

- if dutch ever expressed disappointment towards him

- the boys going out without him

JAVIER

- his family he left behind

- seeing his wanted poster, not because he’s wanted but because they made him ugly and plastered it everywhere

- getting drunk then losing the boys in the club

- finding a bug in his room because he’s going to feel super uncomfortable trying to sleep in there for the whole night

MARY-BETH

- a cat being mean to her

- miss grimshaw yelling at her (she’s sensitive)

- scary climate change videos

- when karen went missing for three days and everyones theories on where she was got too upsetting

CHARLES

- first time he saw arthur cough up blood

- his fake scenarios to sad music that would never in a million years happen

- when he sees kids being picked on

- losing his airpods at 3am and having to try to sleep to the sounds of sean and lenny playing roblox through the wall

KIERAN

- being constantly left out

- the boys talking bad about him thinking he wont know

- horse girl videos where the horses are being mistreated

- being given gifts just because someone saw it and thought of him

MOLLY

- hearing the girls talk badly about her

- also being left out

- seeing happy relationship videos

- dutch refusing to hold her when they slept

- When one of the few presents she got for her birthday was a $2.99 necklace from dutch she saw on sale at Walmart a day before

ABIGAIL

- if jack ever got upset about how john acts towards him

- hosea's illness

- the girls all going out for a girls night but she cant because of jack

- when john called her ugly and other names behind her back because he wanted to fit in

- when she was on her period, had the worst day at work ever and john walked into the room with a buzz cut

[gfmima]

ex bf!kuni mini hcs bc he wont leave me alone </3

ex bf!kuni who tells his friends he moved on but keeps all ur pics in his photo album n the items u left when u moved out in the same areas u would place them when u still lived with him

(he secretly wears the promise ring he gave u as a necklace under his shirt. he nearly trashed the whole apartment after he misplaced it by mistake… it was on his bedside table the entire time)

ex bf!kuni who continues to buy ur favorite laundry soap, so all of his clothes and bedsheets smell like u. he won’t admit it but the familiar scent comforts him on a bad day. he even hugs ur pillow at night when he has trouble sleeping

the first night post break-up was difficult for him. he was so used to having ur body rest beside him, it didnt feel right to sleep without u. he forced himself to get used to the sudden change bc he didnt know when u will come back to him and if u event wanted to :(

ex bf!kuni who returns home after a long, tiring day at work and forgets you arent there to greet him anymore. his face wears a deep frown once he noticed how eerily quiet it was without u around. it was strange to yell “i’m back” and not hear ur voice reply w a cheery “i missed u!”

one time, he woke up and called out (whined) ur name, only to be met w absolute silence. needless to say, he laid in bed uncomfortable w ur absence

ex bf!kuni who acts like he doesnt care about u but goes “!” when he overhears a friend mention ur name or talks about ur latest ventures. he leaves the room after they move onto the topic of ur love life

ajax was the first person to catch onto his strange behavior, however, chalked it up to him seeing things. that was… until it happened again and again and again and again

he begged kuni to call u and get closure. ur ex would rather die than humiliate himself by listening to his friend

ex bf!kuni who looks through the photos u took as a couple whenever he misses u :( he changed his lock-screen but his wallpaper is still u

the neighborhood’s aunty caught a glimpse of it and teased him for being such a lovesick sap. she told him he was lucky to find his person at a young age and scolded him to treat u right and never let u go

sigh, if only she knew…

ex bf!kuni who convinces everyone he moved on from u and was doing well despite the end of your long relationship. his attitude didnt change, giving off the impression that he was unaffected by the break up and led many to believe he didnt love u as much as they thought

it was (hilariously) far from the truth—if anyone were to pay close attention to him, theyd spy his weary eyes and mellow demeanor and understand he was lying to save face

ex bf!kuni who goes undercover and visits the restaurants, cafes, and places u frequent in general, hoping to see u or accidentally bump into u

he stopped after it dawned on him how creepy it was of him to do this. he also didnt want to take his chances and see u w someone new. honestly, he didnt know what to do when the day comes and he spots u happy & well w another man holding ur hand

ex bf!kuni who didnt know what to say when nahida asked him why she doesnt see u anymore, why u dont visit her :(

instead of telling her the truth, he told her u were busy bc of work and that shed see u once ur schedule allows it. he was sent some knowing glances by his relatives because of his response. he knew hed be questioned about the status of ur relationship sooner or later and he wasnt ready

[hickeysgodcomplex]

Re the skating thing you just reblogged:

Eddie used to be super into hockey as a kid and Wayne splurged one birthday and got him all the pads and the skates and the helmet and stuff. But then he hit his growth spurt and nothing fit anymore, and they couldn't afford to buy new stuff so Eddie had to give it up. Part of why he kept failing high school is from avoiding gym class like the plague, partly because he thinks he looks stupid (read: too on display) in the shorts (see also for example: Harrington, S.) but mostly because he decided that if he can't do the athletic thing he WANTED to do then he's not going to do ANY of it.

But then the kids want a day at the roller rink (to give El some better memories of skating), and they insist that Eddie comes along...

OKAY I AM SO SORRY I DIDNT ANSWER THIS SOONER I LITERALLY DID NOT SEE THE NOTIFICATION IF I EVEN GOT ONE!?!?!? which is very rude because i no longer have any memory of any kind of skating post BUT!!! I USED TO GO THE SKATING RINK ALLLLLL THE TIME AND IM FROM INDY SO I HAVE THE VIBE LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO!!!

Eddie really doesn't wanna go. But El uses her puppy eyes so he immediately says yes. And while we know Steve is sporty i want him to be bad at skating. He's got adorable wobbly knees on wheels and keeps one hand on the railing around the Rink the entire time he's out there, or just near the edge.

The boys keep making fun. El had slowed down and skaed with him for awhile before he'd shoo-ed her away and told her to go enjoy herself. His body is full of tension. The entire tims he's there, apart from when they take a break to get cheese fries and milkshakes.

Eddie shows up later, cuz he had a shift at the garage, but managed to get of an hour early. He watches Steve struggle for a few moments and then goes and rents his skates. He laces up and cruises out onto the shiny wood floor, his legs carrying him easily and swiftly where he wants to go.

"Harrington." Is all he says to Steve the first time he rolls past him. He turns easily, skates backward and waves and smiles at him. Steve's jaw drops and he fully stops skating, knuckles white on the metal railing that has been his lifeline all night.

Eddie passes him a few more times. Takes a small break to go buy some goodies in the little gift shop. He buys two necklaces and two light up bracelets. The bracelets he gives to El and Max, glowy matching friendship gifts. And the necklaces he tucks in his pocket and skates over to Steve. Who is still struggling along, stubborn as ever.

Eddie skates over, briefly catches the tail end of Dustin trying to goad Steve away from the railing. He hears Steve hiss "fuck off Henderson." And watches Dustin skate away laughing. Eddie skates up, uses his breaks to stop and turn so he's face to face with Steve. His eyes widen as he looks Eddie.

"Hey." Eddie says, smiling. Steve takes a deep breath, his knees are shaking, but he does his best to stand up straight.

"Hey to you." He huffs, one foot darting forward a little. Eddie reaches out instinctively, his hand landing on Steve's hip, steadying him.

"Tilt you foot forward, toe down. The break on the front'll help you not move." Eddie taps his skate into the side of Steve's, watches him carefully do as Eddie instructed. His toe hits the floor and he immediately looks more steady.

"Thanks." He breathes, sighing heavy and then smiling up at Eddie.

"Hey." He says, sounds actually happy this time.

"Hi. I got you something." He pulls the necklaces out of his pocket and clicks the button, the little round medallion on the end lights up and flashes. He pulls the two necklaces apart and drapes one over Steve's head, settles it around his neck gently, pats at the flashing lights against Steve's chest twice, smiling. And then drops his own necklace on. Flipping its switch so it flashes just like Steve's.

"Thank you." Steve says, looking down at it, and then back up at Eddie.

"You're good at this." Steve tells him, pointing at all the people skating past them, the majority of them dsncing to the music blasting from the speakers.

"Mhm. You're not." Eddie hums, nods his head to Steve, bites his lip, teasing.

"Yeah no shit." Steve huffs, looking grumpy again. Eddie smiles.

"Do you trust me?" He asks, head tilting sideways. Steve looks at him.

"What?"

"Do you trust me?" He repeats, not looking away, not even blinking. Steve's eyes narrow, widen, move over Eddie's face before they soften and he breathes.

"Yeah. I- I trust you." He nods, looks nervous.

"You trust me enough to let go of your safety bar?" Eddie jerks his head toward the railing, still not taking his eyes off Steve. Steve's eyes move tho. From Eddie to the bar and back again.

"Maybe." Steve says, sounds uncertain. Eddie laughs, bright and beautiful, and holds his hands out in front of him, palms up.

"I won't let you fall. I promise." Eddie says, wiggles his fingers.

"You're gonna be my safety bar?" Steve asks, his throat working, but Eddie can see the color flooding back into his knuckles, his grip loosening.

"Mhm. I'll be your saftey bar. You're water wings. Training wheels?" Eddie thinks, shrugs, wiggles his fingers again. Steve smiles, huffs a laugh, and lets go.

He slids his hands into Eddie's, holding tight, Eddie holds tight right back.

"Good? Ready to move?" Eddie asks, his eyes wide and waiting.

"Yeah. I think so, yeah." Steve says, lifts his toe break off the ground and lets Eddie pull him along slowly. His knees wobbling as Eddie guides them easily across the floor, only looking behind himself every now and again.

And that's how they spend the rest of the night. Hand in hand. Eddie guiding Steve, holding his hands tight as he teaches him and helps him and keeps him steady. After awhile they end up skating side by side. The music carrying them across the floor. Steve does a few laps on his own when Eddie goes to chase Lucas, Steve marvels at how fast he is. How he moves on his skates lile he's not on wheels, like he's just running in his tennis shoes.

Steve laughs, staying close to the railing but trying not to use it as he watches Eddie fucking run and hop on fucking wheels across the rink after Lucas. Once he's caught him, Eddie does a few more laps, skating backward, fast, his feet moving and flowing past each other like liquid until he skates back to Steve, gets close, but not so close to knock him off balance.

"Doin' okay sweetheart?" Eddie asks, and there's that fucking nickname again. He always uses it when Steve is uneasy, and it always fucking makes him feel better. Steve nods.

"How the fuck do you do that?" He asks, breathless. Eddie just shrugs, nonchalant.

"Wanted to play hockey. Ice is way harder than this." He taps his foot on the wood and does a little spin, landing right back next to Steve who wobbles dangerously. Eddie catches him. Easy.

"Hmm. Not sure i like the idea of you running around with blades on your feet." Steve muses, his fingers clutching Eddie's shirt. Eddie laughs, head thrown back, deep in his belly.

"That is actually very fair. I got cut a few times." He's smiling brightly. Once Steve is steady again Eddie takes his hand and leads him away from the edge, away from the railing. Steve lets himself be led, lets Eddie guide him across the floor. Eddie never going too fast, or pulling to hard. Just stays by Steve's side, his hand in his, keeping him steady. Keeping him safe. Keeping him smiling and laughing and forgetting about how miserable he'd been at the beginning of the night.

Steve never wants to let go of his hand. And he tells Eddie this, when they're leaving the rink at the end of the night, Eddie's skates already off the wooden floor. Steve tells him he doesn't want to stop holding his hand, whispers it, all shy and sweet. A little nervous.

But Eddie smiles. Eddie smiles and tells him he doesn't have to let go.

.

.

.

(Im thinking i maybe remember the skating thing??? As i was writing him chasing lucas i remember the video of the dudes at the skate place!!! I hope thats the one you were talking about???? If not, here's this anyway. For you. Hahahahahah! Thank you for the ask and sorry it took ages i legit did not get a notif for this and am sad.)

[mindless-existence1]

Request- "Toji fushiguro and an older male reader in an Aladdin au with gags and bondage please? In the fic, Toji is a street rat who always manages to evade the palace guards. The reason is that the guard captain, the reader, has a deal where Toji has to be his bondage slave every night if he wants to escape his men."

REQUESTS OPEN PLS SEND!

MasterList Link

Authors note: Reader is older than Toji but not in a weird creepy old man way and is described to be male. Reader is a slightly hard dom that uses toys, as you read from the request is pretty kinky so read at your own discretion. Also sorry is this is out of character for him but in my mind he's a brat that needs tamed.

Warnings: Includes bondage, gags, multiple orgasams, overstimulation, degration, dry orgasams, crying during sex, and a slight call to being a sex slave but it's not very prominent.

Toji could feel the air rushing past his ears and the pounding of his heart hitting his rib cage. None of that mattered to him as he ran as fast as he could make his feet go down through market. Normally he didn't have to work this hard to get away from the guards so that must mean you were in a pissier mood them normal.

As he turned a corner he heard you bark out orders for your men to follow. Tojo could only make out a few of the words, they were muffled from the blood rushing to his ears. Before he could even catch his breath your huge build came around the corner and you were met face to face with the thief.

"Well hello dear captain what brings you out this way?" Toji panted after almost every word but still had a undertone of confidence. Though he found the confidence wavering when your stern gaze didn't falter. "Don't you just like pissing me off?"

Toji put on a weak grin he knew you could see through. "We wouldn't have any fun if I didnt." He teases. You take a step forward, your face mere inches from Toji's. "Do you know how often I put my ass on the line for you? And you still want to be a brat?"

You take another step forward causing Toji to back into a wall. "Tonight come dressed in that pretty jewel you stole. I want to see you get ruined while wearing your best." While speaking you bring your hand up and grab his hair, it was rougher than you'd normally be out in the open but neither of you cared.

Toji felt so small underneath your frame, he wasn't small by any means but he still somehow felt so little when your gaze was on him. He weakly nodded his head as best he could and let out a quiet "Yes sir."

Without another word you release your hold on his hair and walk out of the alley. Toji hears you yell out to your guards about how you lost him and you should all head back to your posts.

With a deep breath Toji looks down at the necklace he took from some merchant, he threw it in the air and caught it on the way down. His original plan was to sell it but it has an even better purpose now.

~~~~~~~~~Time skip to later that day~~~~~~~~~

Toji was wearing his normal ragged clothes, he never worries about what he is wearing anymore when you rip off his clothes seconds after he walks through the door. But tonight he had on something special, the bright purple gem accessorized with a gold trim was hanging around his neck. It truly was a pricy steal on his part, but the risk was worth it knowing what was in store for tonight.

He knocked on the front door and after just one knock it was swung open and he was rushed inside. "What did I say about using the front door brat?" You asked with a harsh tone. Toji grinned "Maybe you'll have to punish me?" His voice was silky smooth and practically dripped from his lips.

"You'll regret saying that by the end of the night. Now go to the room and take off everything except for that pretty necklace. You better be on the bed when i get in there" Your voice was stern and sent a shock of arousel straight to Tojis groin.

He nodded and made a move to walk past you but before he could he felt you pull at the back of the necklace. With a small choke he stopped walking, he turned around confused. "Use your words slut." Toji gulped and stammered out a weak "Yes sir" before turning back around to go to the room.

By the time he made it to the bedroom his dick was practically leaking precum. He took off his shirt first and whined when he pulled off his pants and underwear. Your heavy footsteps coming down the hall filled his ears so he scampered to get on the bed.

When you opened the door you were presented with Tojis body on full display. Even though compared to you he was small he was very built himself. All the running and working out he does is doing amazing work on his body you guys barley fit on the bed .

You don't make a move to walk over to him, instead you make your way over to a well know cabinet. After a minute of rummaging around you pull out a handful of cloths from deep within the drawer. Toji swallow a lump in his throat as he feels his cock ache for any form of stimulation, he has to resist touching himself. Knowing he's already in trouble tonight so better not add onto that.

His muscles tense when you stalk your way over to the bed. You lay down the smaller cloths on the edge and keep two longer red ones in your hand. "You know what to do you whore, don't pretend you dont." You bite out, lust infesting your words. "Yes sir." A shiver is sent down his back as he lifts his arms above his head so his wrists are up against the headrest.

His legs spread wider till its almost painful. Toji felt so vulnerable and exposed, but he knew covering himself would just worsen any punishment you had in mind. "Good slut." You said under your breath and moved to tie his wrists and legs. Toji had to bite back a whine at your words.

The bondage was tighter than normal and Toji could tell he would have bruises in the morning. He couldn't bring himself to be ashamed at the fact the thought of being bruised by you excited him.

You took your right hand and grabbed the smaller cloths you had set down earlier. After folding them up you brought them to Toji's mouth. "Open." Is all you said and when he followed your instruction you shoved the gags into his mouth.

He gaged and let out a "mmph!" When the cloth hit the back of his throat. Before he do anything else another cloth was wrapped around his face, covering his mouth from veiw. You quickly tied it off behind his head and grabbed the final gag.

You tied off the end leaving him panting as best he could behind the three layer of gags, it took him a minute to get used to breathing through his nose. "Since you've been bad today you have to come twice before I fuck you. Understand?" You practically growled into his ear, your hot breath made him can't up his hips.

A muffled whine of protest came from behind the gags but anything he tried to say was too incoherent to be understood. Two times? Were you going insane? Twice before you even really started? Oh Toji knew he was going to be dead by the end of the night.

He subconsciously pulled at the restraints causing you to smirk to yourself. "You wanted this right?" You ask teasingly as you bring your large hand toward his aching cock. "You were acting so naughty earlier, you must have wanted to be treated like the slut you are."

Your deep voice paired with the warm hand around his dick was making Toji slowly lose his mind. "Should I even bother sucking you off? I mean I don't think you deserve it. You hardly even deserve my hand street rat." You bite out the words, emphasizing the last two.

Toji chokes on a moan yhat catches in his throat at your words. Everything is so dry but so so good, the only thing wetting his dick was his precum. "I would have you spit on my hand for me but looks like your mouth is too preoccupied." You tease him and her him let out a whimper into the cloth. "You have to come like this first, then you can get my mouth after that."

Toji bends forward towards his core as best he can, it's too much but way to little. He can't come like this! But your hand won't let up its rough pace on his dick and all he can do is take it.

When he starts to feel his orgasam build up it burns. "Phhheess" is all the you hear when he speaks into the gag. It's desperate and begging. "What was that? Couldn't understand you." You mock him, twisting your hand on his tip the way that makes him go crazy. He moans loudly into the gag and arches his back at the feeling.

"You want to come? Is that it?" You ask teasingly, knowing what he wanted. He nodded his head wildly. "You can come but know I won't stop." He nodded again, not truly processing the words. He came with a broken moan into the gag, the come ran down your hand that slowed its pace on his leaking dick.

In his post orgasmic state he didn't realize you were bending down to be face to face with his cock. You licked from the base to he red tip, effectively jolting him out of his lucid state. "Nnnn tpphh mchhh" He cried out as you started to take him into your mouth, your tounge caressing each vein. After a second of playing with him you lifted your head, your hand jerking him while you spoke.

"Too much? Thought you wanted this?" You asked, voice gruff. Toji weakly nodded his head and bit back the tears threating to leak from his eyes. It was all in vane when you took him back into your mouth, it was too warm and too tight. He let out a sob into the gags.

You brought your head up and sucked on his sensitive tip, that's all it took for him to come in your mouth. The gags could hardly muffle the moans that ripped from his chest. He looked down and watched as it leaked from the corners of your mouth, it was making him a mess but he couldn't care less.

The necklace, now sticking to his sweaty chest, was glistening. Toji saw it out of the corner of his eye, he hoped you thought he looked good like this.

His whole body untensed when he felt you take your mouth off his spent dick. He was having trouble breathing through the gags but he was panting heavily. "Did you prep yourself before coming here?" You asked while getting off the bed to take off your clothes.

Toji nodded and shifted his hips, his slightly falcid cock lay between his thighs. He watched you take off your shirt and pants, he could see the tent in your underwear. He felt a small ping of pride at the idea that he caused that.

"Guess you are good for something then." Your voice gruff as you got back on the bed after pulling off your underwear. No matter how many times Toji saw you naked he always was mesmerized. Working as the Captain of the guards really made you bulked up.

Toji watched as you grabbed lube (idk if they had lube back in Aladin's time but we are going to say they did) and rubbed it over your thick cock. He saw you slowly pump your growing erection as your other hand slipped under his ass.

He whined into the gag when he felt you slip in two fingers. He tried bending his legs but the binds kept him fully exposed to you. He added two more fingers after a minute of fingering. His dick was now fully hard again, almost against his will. He felt far too sensitive but at the same time he needed you to fuck him or he might lose his mind.

He tried begging for more but all the came out was a muffled mess that made you laugh. "So desperate." You chuckled onto his ear. With a final pump of your hand you lined yourself up with Toji's stretched hole. With a swift rough thrust you pushed yourself fully inside. The moan ripped from Toji's throat was loud even from under the gags.

The tears that stopped falling a minute ago came back and were streaming down his face at your fast pace. He didn't get a time to breath before you were thrusting deep into him, hitting his prostate every time. He choked on his moans when your hand started pumping his cock at a pace that matched your hips. The necklace was bouncing up and down on his chest from your rough pace.

As he neared his orgasam, and knew you were nearing yours, he felt all the stimulation become too much. The orgasam building inside him felt different. He felt too spent, with a high pitched whine he realized he'd be shooting blanks. The thought of coming dry almost scared him, but excitement overpowered that fear.

He was begging you to slow down or something but all that you heard you muffled moaning. Tears streamed down his face, wetting the cloth gag not far under his eyes. His hips thrust upward into your hand, his actions defieing what he was begging you for. Your hand was so warm and so tight it was too much bit it felt too good to stop.

His orgasam was ripped out of him and it burned when nothing came out. Not a drop of come leaked out of his abused tip. He felt you empty inside him and slow down your pace till you came to a full stop. He sobbed into the gag at the feeling of liquid fire course through his veins at the feeling of overstimulation die down.

He muscle in his body went limp, his arms hanging limplyfrom the ropes. His body felt sore all over, so spent. He felt you pull out and start to untie the binds on his legs. As you did so Toji looked down at the necklace, he was really looking forward to tomorrow. Maybe he should steal something even more pricy and see what you do to him then.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[mebemilena]

I'm loving all your Maya Lopez stories. They are amazing!!

"I hope you know that this has nothing to do with you"

A/N/: This was gonna be smut but i decided to have it on a chapter of it's own, in case some of you who have followed this storyline dont read smut.

To the sweet anon that sent me a message, this is for you.

Friendly reminder: i write on the drafts of my email so i can edit anytime before posting.  It turns out sometimes i cant proof read it and some grammar and spelling mistakes go unnoticed. i'm trying to pay more attention and let the text rest for at least a few hours before reading it to corret. Might edit the past chapters soon.

Tittle from Big girls don Cry, by Fergie.

- - -

Though Maya had told you to leave by the morning without breakfast, you were adamant about cooking her something.

"Why are you so stuborn?", she signed while you fried some eggs and bacon, the smell of fresh coffee spreading through the small kitchen of her childhood house.

You looked at her all heart eyes, like she put the stars on the sky, and that was clearly bothering her. You filled her a plate and smiled lovingly.

"Stop looking at me like that.", she frowned at you.

You noticed Maya was in a very bad mood, which didnt make much sense to you. She had kissed you last night, cuddled you on your sleep and left a kiss to your neck before getting up this morning. Not even an hour later, here she is. Staring daggers at you. 

"What's wrong?", you asked but Maya just looked away. You walked closer, standing in front of her as she avvoided your eyes. 

You tapped her nose with your index finger, getting her attention and making her face you. "Look at me?", you asked.

Maya kept staring at you, waiting for you to say whatever you wanted to. "Look, if we play our cards right, everything will turn out well." , you tried to convince her.

"This is not a game. And I'm not a prize.", she told you, arching an eyebrown.  Was she talking about Fisk offering money to whoever found her?

You rolled your eyes. Who was being stubborn now?

"You're not a prize, Maya. You're..." you started but paused. You kept looking at her, deep in thought.

"What?", she asked.

"I forgot the sign for that.", you tried.

Maya huffed.

- - -

At noon, it started to rain. You made sure to close the windows before going up to Maya. She was standing against the back of the couch, watching the rain fall down on the outside of the house. 

"This is perfect.", you told her. The rain falling and the smell of wet grass embracing your nostrils made you a little clingy. 

Maya looked at you, a strange look adorning her bautiful face. She seemed sad. 

Right there and then, you were sure she was gonna simply tell you to forget about her, to move on and leave Tamaha. You thought she'd tell you that she didn't like you anymore, tell you to leave her alone and go back to New York. 

Then you'd go right away, walking in the pouring rain and crying your heart out. And it'd be like a sad romance movie.

But she did the oposite of that.

Maya tugged at the hem of your shirt, pulling you to be in front of her, and brought you closer, hiding her face on your neck. She inhaled your scent and you remembered why you hadn't change your perfume in such a long time. 

It was something you thought would work when you started flirting. Picking a smell that'd make her think of you whenever she smelled it. That's why you walk around with tangerine essential oil on your clothes and inside the necklace you're always wearing.

- - -

When you first met Maya she always kept a serious face. As you became close, she'd show you a softer side and you'd take the opportunity to actually learn more about her. 

You had met many versions of Maya and you loved all of them, though you'd seek a few of them more often than the others.

Fierce Maya was one of your favorites. She'd keep her chin up, lips sealed and a perfect eyebrown arched, looking into your eyes like she could make your soul bend to her own desire. 

Funny Maya was all sarcasm and light teasing. She'd smile wild watching you trying to understand a joke she just told. She'd playfully bump your shoulder with her own and she'd even wink at you while at work.

You loved all versions of her, but right now you'd love to have Sexual Maya. The one with wet kisses and a dirty mind, the one that'd make you scream filthy words in three different languages while making you go over the moon.

Maya was a sweet lover but she did have her moments of pure desire. "It's just sex, this is not a relationship", she had told you when you first started your thing. 

At that time you only understood the word "sex" and "relationship".

- - - 

" i missed you too.", she started. "But it wasn't fair to bring you into all of it. I wanted to keep you safe.", she explained. 

You heart grew ten times. Maya telling you she cared for you made you believe things could work out again. Screw Kingpin and New York, you could restart in Tamaha. You'd restart in a small iglu in Alaska,  dressed as a polar bear, if she'd have you. 

"I want you.', Maya signed, bringing you to reality, her eyes full of something you were yet to understand. "All of you.", she continued before claiming your lips with her own, taking your breath away.

-

Check out my redbubble shop:  https://www.redbubble.com/people/MilenaFernandes/shop?asc=u

toss a coin to your artist (me) at ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/mebemilena

[bridgyrose]

Neon - ►Blake , you should be more like me :3

(Here you go melly)

“And I think you should be more like… me.” 

Blake paused for a moment as she felt Neon boop her nose, rolling her eyes as a chill ran over her. “More like you, how?” 

“You could be more colorful,” Neon said with a grin. “And you could hide your ears less. Be proud of who you are!” 

“And what makes you think I’m not proud?” Blake took a step back to give herself a bit of room and folded her arms in front of her chest. “Of course I’m proud of being a faunus, I just dont want people to only listen to me because I’m a faunus. For people to get to know me first, then as a faunus second.” 

Neon skated around Blake with a smile, stopping behind her for a moment. “And that sounds like a boring attitude to have. Where’s the fun in that?” 

Blake paused for a moment as she caught a glance of herself in a mirror, her eyes traveling to the bow on her ears as a chill ran down her spine. Was that really the only reason she wore the bow now, just for people to get to know her? Sure, she didnt exactly have a great experience when Weiss found out, but everything worked out in the end. And if she hadnt wore her bow in the first place, hadnt tried to hide it… 

“All I’m saying is that you need to loosen up and try to not look soo much like a downer.” Neon gave Blake a hug from behind and smiled. “Besides, what’s the worst that can happen if you are a teensy bit more like me?” 

Blake stopped for a moment as another chill ran down her spine, and then her stomach started to feel like it was twisting in knots. Her hand went to her bow and slowly started to undo it, letting her ears out. “You’re right. I should keep my bow off.” 

“That’s the spirit!” 

Blake smiled a bit as she looked at her reflection, only now noticing how she looked without hiding her ears. “I still need to get back to my team. Cant keep them worrying about me.” 

“Then I’ll catch you later for the tournament!” Neon gave a wink and a smile as she skated off. “Dont get beaten before facing me!” 

Blake nodded and started to make her way back to the dorm, her conversation with Neon still running through her head as she walked past the stalls at the festival. Her eyes caught a stand selling brightly colored necklaces and tops, walking towards it and picking up one in purple in the same style as the white sleeveless shirt she already wore. A frown settled on her lips for a moment as she looked it over, definitely not as dark of a purple as she preferred. But… it was still fairly dark and Neon was right, she needed a bit more color for her wardrobe. 

“Find something you like?” the stall owner asked. 

“I think I did,” Blake answered, pulling out a few lien. “You wouldnt happen to have anything like this in a royal purple, would you?” 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I told you I’m fine,” Blake said as she looked herself over in the mirror and adjusted the necklaces around her neck. “I just wanted to try something new.” 

“You dont look like yourself anymore.” Weiss walked over to Blake and jabbed her chest. “You’re wearing brighter colors, you’ve spent money on getting jewelry you’ve never wanted to wear before, and now you want to go out around the town? Who are you and what did you do to Blake?” 

Blake sighed and pulled away from her reflection in the mirror. “I promised Neon that I’d go out with her and Flynt, that’s all it is. And… she’s right, I’ve been hiding myself for too long.” 

“Hiding yourself?” 

“The me you’ve met isnt… me… entirely.” Blake gently reached for her ears, and then moved her hand through her hair. “I used to be happier, more outgoing as a child. But after watching how faunus were treated, being part of the White Fang… I had to cut off parts of myself in order to survive.” 

“And so now your answer is to throw yourself into the city at night and party with Neon? You do see how this is a bad idea, right?” 

“And if acting more like Neon gets Ruby to notice me, then I dont see what’s wrong with it.” Blake smiled a bit as she carefully took her eyeliner and drew a couple black hearts along her cheek, turning to get a better look. “Just a bit more like Neon.” 

[daisychains111]

live "tweet" books with me (via the goodreads progress bar) pt.2: Lore by Alexandra Bracken

idk who the narrator of the first part was, but I'm very confused...if he's not a god anymore is her love interest...or maybe her dad?

who is gil...how did he die?

her grandfather? wasn't gonna guess that

potential love interest spotted..hey masked dude

oooooo does she know him? intrigue

SEVEN YEARS HOLD SHIT THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD

potential love interest #2...van hello

I cannot stress enough how happy I am that her name isn't actually lore

wait nvm it is actually her name...that's stupid

Annabeth come get you mom, this is embarrassing

Percy come get your namesake ancestor...this is embarrassing

they are saying a lot of words that mean absolutely nothing to me?

happy to report that her name isn't actually lore...thank God...gods? whatever

"the Olympics but with murder" Nothing better happen to Miles bc I love him already

HAH poseidon and perseus reference

(I'm gonna spend this whole book talking about pjo just fyi)"

I get this feeling that apollo let Castor kill him

nooooo not the doggg

castor out here with the Olympians shittiest moments highlight reel to remind athena that he's cooler than her

oooo are miles and van gonna be a thing..that would be cute

athena deciding to keep miles around like he's a puppy is peak comedy

just because you're pointing out that the names are getting stupider doesn't mean you don't lose a point for continuing to name your characters stupid things

van and miles going on a secret special side quest together? mmmmhhmmm checks out

don't get me wrong I love a good enemy's to lovers but istg destiny if she gets with the guy who killed her family I will never forgive you

EW CREEPY PEDO GUY GET BACK CREEP

I am directly halfway done with this book, and there has yet to be one single ounce of romantic subplot...This is extremely disappointing"

WAIT IS GIL HERMES!!!

IS AEGIS THE NECKLACE

MILES HAS IT

I asked for romantic subplot but idk if this is what I wanted...however I'm a suckered for childhood best friends to lovers so we'll see"

"do that again when you mean it golden" period you tell her castor (I 1000% agree)

also him calling her golden is cute...even if I'm not sure why he does it"

hehe miles and van bonding time.. thats a romantic subplot I can get behind"

"oh so you're in love with him" YOU TELL HIM MILES

throwing away the necklace as if it's not extremely likely it's the thing you need...aces move lore, stop pouting and think

istg if you kill castor rn I'll never forgive you

IRO YOU MOTHERFUCKER IF YOU REALLY KILLED THAT BOY

��HES ALIVVVEEE

ATHENA YOU MOTHERFUCKER...I should've know better than to fucking trust you

MELORA I KNOW YOU DIDNT JUST DO THAT

SHE WASNT EVEN LINKED ATHENA WHEN I FIND YOU

it doesn't make sense that she's had aegis the whole time and wasn't even thinking about it enough to hide it from readers...im sorry thats just lame"

this book lacks interesting romantic subplot but " I was born knowing how to do three things: how to breathe how to dream and how to love you" is the smoothest shit ever"

him calling her golden? cute...her calling him big guy? really fucking weird

istg don't pin with a couple separated by mortality, I can't handle that rn

HEHE lore calling van out for staring longingly at miles

lore and miles bestie vibes only

I get the sickening feeling castor will not be making it out of this book alive

holy shit she killed athena"

holy shot did athena just redeem herself

apollo let castor kill him CALLED IT

YAY FOR STAYING MORTAL AND STAYING WITH OUR FRIENDS!!!

This book wasn't bad but after the literally masterpiece that is the darkest minds series I expected more from miss bracken...the only reason I was able to read this as fast as I did was bc I had to finish it to read iron flame LOL

[edanmaia]

very intangible ideas for acotar 5 since cc3 will indefinitely flip everything around:

Despite no one wanting it (reader and rhys alike), rhys becomes high king

elriel secret romance. but how do they get together? maybe they start flirting in cc3 and really commit in acotar5. who knows, atp i dont see how the plot forces them together.

koschei looming, but he's for acotar 6

more eris cryptic riddle shit

mor/emerie relationship blooming? mor coming out at a weird time to the inner circle (...sarah giving her 13 pages in the middle of a war to come out the feyre is silly goofy)

nesta hopefully becoming a normal not sex-crazed character. can sjm un-butcher her from not her pov?

Who tf is the villain? the other 5 queens? the asteri? that was the problem with acosf. There was no villain and no story.

85% plot / 15% smut. please sarah

no butchering of azriel or elains character. i know we know nothing about them but she fucked up cassian so bad he's such an unlikable character after acosf. Please give azriel some personality and some tact 🙏🏻🙏🏻. i dont need to see his pining and yearning as 100% of his pov. i would like to see him and his intelligence. Same for elain, i want to see depth and not a caricature or someone who's only personality is gardening and trauma.

no training no training anything but training for elain. not even becoming a spy. just let elain be powerful in her soft femininity 🫶🏼

give elain the dusk court! i dont know the logistics but its hers.

i need a huge dramatic falling out between azriel and rhys. like a huge rift that takes a lot to repair. let azriel be able to trauma dump on rhys and be angry and have distance (i assume azriel doesnt wanna torture people anymore. and if rhys can read minds i dont understand why azriel has to torture info out of ppl anyways)

elain's independence. i don't necessarily care about her relationship w feyre and nesta. she told them she wasnt an object, and id like to see how that results because we didnt see shit in acosf

Story outside of elriel. It was so boring stuck in nesta and cassians "story" because we get nothing from the other characters and the only story was sex and being sad. 😑 no one wanted to read 600 pages of that

slow build up of story instead of randomly shoved in story (we know sjm cant do that but i can hope)

I wanna know about the history of seers!i want elain to be special ✨ like that

it would be awesome if lucien was happy and ready to be in a relationship with vassa or smth so we dont have to see him continue to be sad and lost when elain rejects him. I reallt cant deal with all the characters being sad all the fucking time sarah. But i just know he's gonna be so lost and so sad throughout the book, which leads him into his character arc for book 6. but imagine if elain and lucien both had their character arc in book 5. that would be awesome.

elain needs to move tf out of rhys and feyres house

retcon on the necklace. clotho never gave it to gwyn. i really cannot deal with that dumb ass storyline. + it was in a bonus chapter?? Is sarah gonna throw in a short line saying "az tried to give it to elain, they almost kissed, rhys forbade az from getting near elain, he gave it to clotho after he saw gwyn triajfnien etc etc"

I really dont want az to be like rhys, where yoy find out he's a great guy and 100% a hero. nothing gray about it.

i want azriel to be someone who tortures people, clearly doesnt like it and wants to stop, but has to for his brothers. and his story arc is ceasing to do things that bring him misery. Like, he did that. No question. and that's terrible. but he wants to become a better person and is working towards that.

sjm there's still time @sjmaas

[minnies-duo]

DISCLAIMER!! This review was written for @k-fic-collection as this was our very first sfw monthly read!!

omg i enjoyed this way too much for the emotional rollercoaster you put me on. i absolutely adored this one, and the development was just chefs kiss.

check the undercut for my live notes and thoughts well reading<3

notes:

he's so cute throwing the shirt and just the beats before he turns around. (again not that you're looking) BRO WHAT DO YOU MEAN!! IM LOOKING!! HARD!!! STARING EVEN!!! bro...you did not just grab my hand and say that were together....MY BROTHER IN CHRIST I JUST LEARNED YOUR NAME 10 SECONDS AGO!!!

great set up though, doesn't feel forced and makes total sense in that split second reaction. He's so weird just turning on his hazards ITS SUCH A JEONGHAN MOVE THOUGH HOW DO YOU GET HIS CHARACTER TRAITS SO PERFECT??? Thats not fair...i cant say no to a man with brown eyes, whatever you say princess. omg my heart fucking fluttered as they were taking steps back in the frat party...the tiny steps as you back up, until he looks down 'hey can i kiss you now?' IM DYING I NEED THIS !!!

the kiss.....that kiss.....my knees knocked together, i fell to the ground sobbing cause thats never happened before. OMG SHUA DONT DONT ASK IF HE DIDNT BRING IT UP!!! IDK WHAT TIMS IS I THOUGHT YOU MEANT THE CANADIAN COFFEE SHOP!!! "Your school won. Jeonghan won." BROTHER I WON!! HE'S SUCH A CUTIE PIE

oh no don't say hoshi and a karaoke machine together :0! "You make me nervous" OMG??????? out of left field im giggling kicking my feet. "first fight of the relationship" you don't understand how much this is making me soft but also making me laugh?? like these one liners from drunk jeonghan are hitting in comedy and matching his personality. that mf and those mfing matching necklaces.

IM LOSING MY MIND DONT SAY THAT I AM LITERALLY A FILM MAJOR WITH BUSINESS SPECIALITY!!!! No babe nooo!! don't doubt him, he aint lying!! this isn't for the fake dating!! its real!!!! nooo please!!! TT "I always have fun with you"...im gonna fucking sob.

Im actually holding back tears...that countdown..how could you? my heart. omg. my heart dropped when hoshi was mentioned. "And you’re terrified of the creeping thought that you never really did." No my breath actually caught in my throat reading that. AUTHOR DO YOU NOT CARE FOR MY EMOTIONS???? WDYM HE'S STRUGGLIGN AND SNAPPING AT PRACTICE AND NEEDS ME??? WDYM SCOUPS SAW HIM TEARING UP ON THE BENCH????? i cant do this omg :(

US, READER, ME!!! PLEASE!!! HE'S SO DOWN BAD (so am i too)!!!!

"This is it. I'm saying no." IM HOLDING BACK SOBS "I always knew you didn't need me." DONT SAY THAT I SWEAR TO FUCK

why why in the good god WHY did you get OUT of the car HES DRIVING AWAY WHAT

"I thought I was going to lose you." I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE MY HEART IM ACTUALLY TEARING UP OMG.

im not okay. i loved that so much.

young & stupid

yoon jeonghan x reader (gender neutral)

you think yoon jeonghan is crazy when he asks if you'll pretend to date him, but luckily for him you're just young and dumb enough to agree.

genre: university + fake dating au word count: 14k warnings: alcohol, profanity, some explicit content, mentions of sex, and a very american writer who says soccer instead of football a/n: posted an unfinished version of this like 4 years ago and randomly decided one day a couple weeks ago to finish it. this is the most indulgent fic i have ever written. pls enjoy my birthday gift to myself lolol

Music bursts from every corner of the run-down frat house, chasing after you no matter where you run to escape it. Bodies endlessly spill in from the patio and front entrance, a never ending revolving door of college kids just like yourself looking for some kind of release after a long week of… well, college. But unlike most times you’ve paid a visit to Soonyoung’s frat house on a Friday night, tonight you’ve already decided that you are not going to be having fun at this party.

Soonyoung begged you to come, bribing your appearance with a promise to study with you for the next math quiz. Of course the first thing he does after walking into the house with you is ditch you. But even that, you deal with. You find some friends among the crowd, acquaint yourself with some beer, and almost start to have fun egging on a brewing dance battle. But all that ends the second you turn a corner too fast and are met with a full cup of bright red jungle juice all over your white shirt.

So now, upstairs in a bathroom Soonyoung let you in to, desperately trying to wash out the stains, you make a stubborn decision to not make another appearance at a frat party for the rest of the semester which you’re positive you’ll break by the time midterms are up.

But for now, helplessly staring at your reflection in the dirty mirror, you arrive to the conclusion that this damn jungle juice stain is not coming out. You exit the bathroom into the adjoining room and start grabbing your stuff to walk home.

“Who the fuck are you?” You jump at the voice that’s joined you in the room. You hadn’t even noticed anyone entering. You stare at the figure, mouth open. “How’d you get into my room?”

“Oh my gosh, so sorry,” you apologize in a hurried voice, packing your things up impossibly faster. “Soonyoung let me in. It was just supposed to be a quick thing–Wait no, that makes it sound like we were hooking up. Which we definitely were not. I can promise you that much, lol, not Soonyoung. But no, I just needed the bathroom. Cause this dude and his jungle juice, and…” you look down at your shirt. “Anyways, I was about to go home. I didn’t even–”

“Okay, wait, slow down.” The guy cuts you off. “You know Soonyoung.”

You nod. “Uh, yeah, we’re friends.”

He steps closer, narrowing his eyes at you, and for a moment you think the guy looks a little bit familiar. “And you’re not a stalker?”

This time you squint, jutting your head forward. “A stalker?” He stares at you unwavering. You scoff. “Um. No. Of course not.”

“Oh, okay, good.” He exhales, his previous demeanor falling entirely. “Well, in that case, let me help.” He walks towards one of the dressers, pulling the drawer open to rummage through it.

“No. That’s okay. You don’t have to–”

“Let me. Plus,” he gestures towards the general direction of your shirt without looking up from the drawer, “that can’t be comfortable. And it definitely isn’t flattering.”

You’re too stunned to say anything back. You’re not sure how you’d respond anyways to what you think counts as an insult from the dude who’s also helping you. You study him instead. You’ve definitely seen him around before, but you’re not entirely sure where or when because you probably would’ve remembered someone as attractive as him. He’s tall, soft-faced with longer hair that cuts off right under his ears, and damn is he attractive. In an obvious—in your face, weak in the knees, god this man is beautiful—kind of way. Not that you notice.

“Here.” He throws a tshirt your way, and you catch it between your arms. You both stare at each for a long moment, until he jumps on his heels a little as if he’s suddenly remembered something. “My bad, I’ll turn around.”

You stare unamused at his backside. He really doesn’t think you’re going to change with him in the room does he?

And almost as if he’s reading your mind, he says: “Don’t worry, I won’t peek.” He looks over his shoulder with a crooked, mischievous smile. “I mean unless you want me to.” Your stomach throws itself out the window.

You scoff. “I’ll just change in the bathroom.” You fully expect the guy to be gone by the time you exit the bathroom, but instead he’s still there, sitting at the edge of the bed on his phone.

You clear your throat. “Thanks for the shirt.”

“Oh, yeah,” he looks up from his phone and takes you in. You swear his mouth twitches into a half smile. “It’s no big deal.

You let out an awkward half laugh, half sigh. “So, I’ll get this shirt back to you somehow. Thanks again.”

He nods, still staring at the air around your body with that sickeningly charming half smile. You turn for the door.

“Wait!” You pause, facing the boy again who is now standing up, arm stretched out towards you. He drops it at once like it was never supposed to be there. “Are you going back to the party?”

You actually laugh at that. “God, no. I’m going home.”

“Oh.” He tilts his head, and then opens and closes his mouth as if the words keep getting lost in the back of his throat. You try not to think too hard about how endearing the action is. “I can give you a ride if you want.”

You shake your head quickly. “No, that’s alright. I don’t live that far.” You live on the opposite side of campus.

He grabs a set of keys off his desk. “Let me. I wanna get out of this party too. But sadly,” he motions to the room you’re both standing in, then leans towards you a little, “I live here.”

And you know you should refuse. You know there is nothing sensical about letting this stranger, whose name you don’t even know, take you home. But there’s something about his smile and the tufts of hair falling over his forehead, something about the way he gave you his shirt that makes you say yes against your better judgment.

It turns out, leaving the party with the mysteriously nice guy, who’s conveniently hot (again, not that you’re looking), is much harder than it looks. The only plus side to getting bombarded with people wanting to talk to him, is that you learn his name: Jeonghan. And it hits you then, of course you’ve seen him around before. Well, maybe not him, but you’ve definitely seen his picture. His face is plastered over all of the university’s promotional material. Half the school has a crush on Jeonghan, the star soccer player. Unfortunately for you and your apparently impossible wish to go home, it also appears that half the school is at this party and fueled with liquid confidence.

“Hey Jeonghan,” one person in particular slurs, appearing in front of you and him magically. Yeah, you think, if I were him I’d want to get out of this party too. Then as if the stranger has come to their senses, they jump back and clasp their hands over their mouth. A blush paints itself all over their face. “So sorry. I must’ve tripped or something…” they laugh awkwardly. Jeonghan does too. You look over at him and find that he looks incredibly uncomfortable.

“It’s fine,” he tells them, holding his hands up, “I gotta go. See you around though.” And Jeonghan’s turning on his heel ready to dash for the door.

“Wait a second!” The person calls, grabbing Jeonghan’s arm before he can slip out of the house. He turns back around begrudgingly. “I was uh I was sort of wondering if you’d like to maybe go out or something—“

You watch them ask out Jeonghan on a date, and well, it’s sort of cute. The stranger clearly harbors a massive crush on Jeonghan. They’re not being rude or pushy, and honestly, even after accounting for the alcohol, they’re more confident and bold than you’d be. You find yourself wanting to congratulate them. But then, with another look at Jeonghan’s face, you feel a burst of pity. You know that look. Jeonghan is going to turn them down.

“I, uh, I’m really flattered but I…” Jeonghan stutters through his words, shooting you a glance asking for help. You just shrug. Suddenly his smirk reappears. He grabs your hand, pulling you to his slide and lifting your joined hands up like a trophy. “I’m actually with them.”

Your teeth clench immediately to keep your mouth from falling open. You stare at Jeonghan, eyes screaming.

“Oh sorry,” the person looks between the two of you, “I didn’t know.”

You stare at Jeonghan, waiting for him to say something and failing to find any words for yourself. But instead of continuing his lie verbally, he decides to act it out even further, bringing your hands up to his lips and pressing the faintest kiss to your knuckle.

That fucker.

“Yeah,” you sigh, grasping at straws for something to say that sounds convincing with your one free hand. “It’s new.” You squeeze Jeonghan’s hand hard enough to know it has to have hurt and promptly drag him out of the house.

Once you’re in his car, safe from all his suitors. You round on him. “You couldn’t have just said no?”

“That was their third time asking me out.”

“And?”

“Turning down people is hard.” He whines, pushing the keys in the car and starting the ignition. “It was just easier to say we’re dating. Plus, you’re in my shirt so it already looks like we just had sex.”

“Or,” you gasp, exasperated, “it looks like I got jungle juice on my shirt, and you just gave me one to wear!”

He gives you a look. “Now, who would believe that?”

You have the sudden desire to dissolve into the seat.

“Anyways,” he says, putting the car in reverse, “where to?”

“East campus. The Austin Complex.”

He makes a triumphant noise while stopping at a red light. “It appears I’m not the only one that’s been telling lies tonight. Not that far you said.”

You gape at him. “My lie is not comparable to yours.”

“Actually I think it is.” He taps a finger to his chin. “In fact, I think it even makes us equal.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

He holds out his pinky as a peace offering. “I’m not moving until you agree.”

“Jeonghan, the light’s green.”

He glances at the green traffic light and proceeds to turn his hazards on in the middle of the fucking road all while keeping his pinky in the exact same spot.

“Are you crazy?”

“Most people don’t think so.”

“People will honk.”

“It’s 1 am.”

You say his name. He says yours. The light turns yellow, and you feel a rush of warmth.

“Fine.” You huff, joining your pinky with his. “We’re equal.”

He passes the light just as it turns red.

—

You haven’t seen Jeonghan since the entire incident. In truth, you’ve been so busy studying for your math quiz with Soonyoung that you almost hadn’t even thought about that night again. Emphasis on almost. However, when you get your score back the following week, the hours you spent studying appear to have been wasted. You slump into a bench outside the lecture hall, holding another barely passing grade to your chest.

And in the midst of your public wallowing, you feel a flick to your forehead.

You yelp and snap your eyes open to Jeonghan who stands before you snickering. “What was that for?”

“Payback.”

You say holding out your pinky as a reminder. “I thought we were even.” He shrugs, sporting a smirk that makes your stomach churn. It should be illegal for someone to look that good with a smirk.

“Excuse me?”

Fuck. Did you say that outloud?

“Nothing.” You quickly mutter, shaking your head. He invites himself to sit down next to you.

“Anyway, what’s wrong with you?”

You groan at the reminder. “Multi.”

“Multivariable calculus?” He asks to which you nod. “Who do you have?”

“Lubinsky.”

Defying all laws of reason and physics, Jeonghan perks up a bit. “Oh, I loved him.”

“His quizzes are impossible.”

“Yeah, but he’s funny.”

You scrunch your noise. “When did you even take multi? Aren’t you a business major?”

He tilts his head at you. “How do you know my major?” You might’ve asked Soonyoung about Jeonghan during one of your study sessions, but you definitely weren’t about to admit that now. Luckily for you, he continues without an answer. “I switched majors last year.”

“Then you must know how much I despise sketching in three axes.” You complain, throwing your head back against the wall.

“Just wait until you get to finding extrema.” Jeonghan hums. You want to shove your head through the damn wall just from the sound of it.

“May my grade rest in peace in that case,” you mutter, fishing through your bag. “Here’s your shirt back.”

He takes it. “So people kind of think we’re dating after the party.”

You can’t help it. You laugh at the look on his face. “Yeah, what did you expect when you said we were together?” He doesn’t say anything. “Don’t worry. I’ll clear the air.”

He furrows his brows at you. “What? No. That’s not what I mean. I…” he hesitates, scratching an area behind his neck. “Well, this past week has been surprisingly calm for me. Not a ton of confessions.” (“Oh, poor Jeonghan,” you murmur.) He looks at you hopefully, “So, I was thinking we keep up the charade.”

You make a noise. “Like fake dating?”

“Yes.”

“Haha, very funny.”

“No, seriously.” He says earnestly. You don’t say anything for a moment just staring at him flabbergasted. He softens, giving you a very soft, “please,” paired with big, brown, pleading eyes.

Goddamn it–those eyes.

You turn your body towards him. “What do I get out of it?”

“I’ll tutor you.” He says, pointing to your quiz grade. You flip the paper upside down. “I got an A in multi.”

“No one makes an A with Lubinsky.”

“Which is exactly why you want me as your tutor.”

You think about it for a moment longer, and, well…

Fake dating Yoon Jeonghan can’t be the worst thing in the world.

—

As you find out during your first session, Jeonghan is not what you’d call a ‘chill’ tutor. You’re both sitting in a far corner of the library, notes splayed out all over the table.

“Do it again.”

“Jeonghan please, we’ve been finding directional derivatives and unit normal vectors for so long now. Let’s take a break.”

He points to your worksheet. “One more.”

“That’s what you said last time.”

“I thought you wanted an A.”

“You know, a C isn’t sounding so bad right now.”

“Just do it.”

You groan and set up another integral.

To your complete and utter shock, you’re able to solve the problem all on your own. No clarifying questions to Jeonghan. No flipping through your lecture notes. Just you and the answer.

Jeonghan checks it over, eyes darting between your notebook and his laptop. He pauses for a minute, finger lingering by your boxed, final answer, before very quietly saying, “look at that.” He looks up to you, eyes widened and lips pursed together in a pleasant surprise.

You can barely contain yourself. “It’s right?”

“Well,” he draws out the word, sitting back in his chair and erasing his previous expression. “You still rounded wrong at this step—“

You throw your pencil down. “I’M RIGHT!”

Which unsurprisingly earns you a couple dirty looks from others.

He snickers at your excitement, offering you silent applause at the achievement.

“So can we take a break now?”

He looks at you for a long moment. You stare at him back, shaking your shoulders as if that would convince him of a break. He smiles. “Okay, fine, but only for ten minutes.”

You end up taking it on the roof of the library building, eating an assortment of snacks that you bought from the vending machine and Jeonghan brought from home.

“So, tell me,” you start, grabbing a chip from the bag, “the confessions can’t really be that bad, can they?”

“How do you mean?”

“I mean,” you sit up in your chair, stretching out your back, “enough for you to spend your Thursday afternoon doing all this?”

“Ah.” He exhales, sitting down further in his seat and popping a grape in his mouth. “Well, I like to teach.”

“And what about the whole fake dating ruse?”

He shrugs. “It’s easier than being the asshole that says no.”

You lean forward, squinting at him. “I don’t believe that.”

He cocks his head. “No?”

You shake yours. “No.”

“What about you then?” He asks, crossing his arms over his chest. “How come I know nothing about you?”

“How come you haven’t asked?”

He swipes his tongue over his lips briefly, sizing your question up. Quietly, he says, “Touche.” Then leads forward in his seat and asks if you have an ex.

You steal a grape. “Not an official one.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that there was this guy before university, and we were…” you push the grape in your mouth, letting the burst of it give you time to find the right words. They never come. “We were something,” you settle on, “but he just ended up being more trouble than he was worth. Ask Soonyoung. He’s always hated the guy’s guts.”

“I can’t imagine Soonyoung hating anyone.” Jeonghan muses, pushing the tupperware of grapes towards you.

“Yeah, well, Soonyoung hated people who treated others like they were disposable.”

“So why’d you date him then?”

For a moment, you’re taken aback by the question. Replaying the words over and over in your mind looking for a hint of mockery or judgment. You don’t find any. Instead, you find his brows knitted together, and his lips pushed to the side of this mouth. The question is genuine. A wholehearted curiosity that feels so misplaced coming from the guy who has suitors falling at his feet at least once a day. It’s an innocent kind of curiosity that isn’t trying to pry; it’s only trying to understand. And that thought, the very idea that Jeonghan might actually be trying to get to know you, makes your entire body inexplicably shiver.

The curiosity in his voice bends over and touches yours. “What? You’ve never been young and stupid before?”

He shakes his head. “I was so focused on school and soccer when I was younger. I feel like I never gave myself the chance to just do dumb things, date shitty people, etc. etc.”

Gravely, you say. “It’s really not that exciting.”

He laughs. “I know.” His voice dips. “I just wish I had figured that out myself.”

Jeonghan doesn’t meet your eyes when he says it, but he makes this face, this sad-eyed, forced smile face that makes him look so suddenly vulnerable. Like you could tap his shoulder and watch him unravel from head to toe. You feel a rush of pity in the middle of your chest, a quiet urge to reach over and give him all the teenage regrets he never got to have. Instead, you lean towards him and say, “You’re still young. You can still do dumb things. Date shitty people.”

His eyes flit up to you. You notice what a beautiful shade of brown they are. How big they are. How sincerely sad they look. (And you know, somewhere, in a very far corner of your mind, that those eyes will be the ultimate death of you.)

“Well, I don’t know about that last part.” He starts, rubbing his hands against his jeans. “Technically, I’m dating you.”

You place your palm on your chest. “And I swear to be the shittiest fake partner you’ll ever have.”

He smiles. The sun emerges from behind a cloud. And his eyes–you swear to god–they glimmer.

—

You and Jeonghan’s first outing as an official fake couple is back at the frat house. To your surprise Jeonghan stays by your side the entire time. He takes you around the house, gets you a drink, and introduces you to his friends, but you’re quick to shoot down any shock because what else would a fake boyfriend be doing at a party. Although it’s not as easy to calm down the beating of your heart when Jeonghan’s hand finds its way into yours at some point in the night. By the time the party is in full swing, people bursting from every open door and window in the house, you’re already a little tipsy.

You’re getting a refill for your nearly done drink when another girl appears in front of Jeonghan. From the way she’s twirling her hair between her fingers and leaning into one hip, you can tell that, at least from her end, it’s more than just a friendly conversation. But even that doesn’t really explain what makes you act the way you do. Maybe it’s the alcohol, you reason. Or maybe the fact that Jeonghan’s popularity is just as contagious as the rest of him. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s that you’ve gotten a little too invested in this whole fake dating act. Either way, you swallow reason with the last of your drink, strut up to the both of them, and latch yourself to Jeonghan’s side, letting your arm wrap around his. You give the girl a snotty ‘sorry, he’s taken’ before dragging Jeonghan away, giggling into your palm with no intention to return. When you look back at Jeonghan, you find him looking quite amused as well.

“That was good!” He tells you by the time you’re both in the hallway. “But you know what would really seal the deal?”

You’re excited. Fake dating is fun. “What?”

“If we kissed?”

“Oh, please.” Your eyes do a drunken loop de loop. “I’m gonna go get my refill.”

“No, seriously.” He says with a look you can’t quite comprehend. “Look. She’s still watching.”

You look beyond his shoulder and sure enough, the girl is still watching you and him in the hallway. And she looks pissed. Maybe Jeonghan wasn’t that far off with the stalker accusation.

“You see what I have to deal with. Just one kiss. We probably won’t even have to do it again after this.”

“Probably?” You echo.

“Well, yeah, I can’t make any promises.” He shrugs except that you barely hear the words because you’re too focused on taking a tiny step back each time he takes a tiny step towards you. Eventually, the charade ends. Your heel and head meet the wall. His knee meets yours.

You’re painfully aware of your own breathing when you say, “When I said to be young and stupid this is not what I meant.”

He giggles in your face. You can smell the vodka on his breath. Is he drunk? Are you?

“Who’s going to believe we’re dating if we never kiss?”

And well, you can’t really argue with that logic. “Fine, but keep it short.”

He cocks his head to the side. “Do I look like the kind of guy to keep a kiss short?” You snort at that, and when he takes yet another step closer to you, your hands instinctively fly up against his chest. He tangles his fingers between yours and pulls your hands down, resting his forehead against yours. “Hey,” he says except that he’s so close it’s more like he exhales the word and inhales you, “can I kiss you now?”

He lets go of your hands, as if he’s making sure you know you have an out. Your eyes flit up to his, only to find that he’s watching your lips.

“Oh, fuck it,” is what you say before you fist his shirt and pull him in so that his lips meet yours.

And the moment you do all of your previous precautions are thrown out the window because—dang how long has it been since you’ve kissed someone?

Somewhere along the kiss, you lose yourself in the sensation of it, tugging on Jeonghan’s shirt. He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you in until your bodies are flush against each other. And when he slips his tongue into your mouth you tell yourself you allow it to happen because you’re tipsy or touch starved or both. Although none of those excuses explain why your arms snake around his neck and why your entire body turns to jelly when he moans in your mouth.

“Hey lovebirds,” you hear Soonyoung yell from somewhere thousands and thousands lightyears away, somewhere so far away you barely hear it, “get a room.” You both pull away from the kiss, faces only moving a tiny bit apart. Neither of you try to remove yourselves from the other's arms. He smiles, wide enough that his cheek brushes up against your nose, and it makes you forget where you are. Your ears betray you. You let yourself think he’s talking about the kiss and not the charade when he says, “Thanks for that.”

You throw caution to the window, laughing freely against his face. “Asshole. You knew I wouldn’t say no.”

He steps back, pulling away from your embrace. “Yeah,” he mutters, looking back to the main room, “that should do it.” You follow his eyes to see the girl from earlier whispering to a friend while sneaking glances at you two. You’re reminded of the whole reason you and Jeonghan were kissing in the first place.

He points to your cup. “Shot?”

You laugh—or well at least you try to—but it gets caught in your throat and distorted into a small cough. You swallow. “Yes.”

—

Thankfully, things aren’t awkward between you and Jeonghan after the party, although there’s no real reason for there to be other than the fact that you agreed to fake date him without really thinking about what else it would implicate. In fact, things are sort of easy with Jeonghan. He finds you around campus more often, and you find him too, walking each other to class and grabbing coffee when you both have a spare moment. In the midst of getting a fake boyfriend, you also get a new friend. With Jeonghan’s help, you actually start understanding math enough to complete the homework without having to flip back to the textbook every question. And it’s not too long after the party that you’re planning your next outing as a couple.

—

The stands of the field are absolutely packed with people. You had no idea soccer games rallied this much interest at your school.

“We’re playing a top ranked school apparently,” Soonyoung reads off a sign as you both make your way towards the student section. Luckily, he knows as little about the sport as you do. “So, why exactly did you agree to fake date Jeonghan?”

“He’s tutoring me in multi.” You explain to him, scanning the stands. While walking over to the game, you had told Soonyoung about the whole act, confirming what he already started to suspect when you first suggested going to the soccer game together. (“Drunken makeout I get.” Soonyoung had said. “But going to his games seemed like a stretch.” You shoved him off the sidewalk.)

“At least you’re getting something out of it.” He snorts. “Who are we looking for?”

You show him the text from Jeonghan, telling you to sit with his friend. “Do you know him?”

Soonyoung looks into the crowd. “Him?” He asks, pointing to a guy waving you and him over. You inhale sharply, waving back. “So if it’s fake, why is Jeonghan having you meet his friends?” Soonyoung asks as you head over.

“He has his reasons.” You offer, having asked a similar question yourself. You reach the stand where his friend is seated, crossing past the others in the row and gently apologizing as you bump into dozens of knees.

“Hi, I’m Joshua.” Jeonghan’s friend introduces himself as you and Soonyoung take your seats. You return the greeting, introducing yourself to him. Looking around the student section, you notice everyone else dressed in school merchandise. “Was I supposed to wear school colors for this?”

Soonyoung gives you a long look. Then just laughs in your face.

“Asshole.” You grumble quietly. “Could’ve said something.”

Joshua laughs as well, although much less in-your-face than Soonyoung’s. “I’m surprised Jeonghan didn’t give you like a jersey to wear or something.”

You had meant the asshole in question to be Soonyoung, not Jeonghan, but you don’t really have the heart to correct him. Instead, while waiting for the game to start, you ask, “How do you know Jeonghan?”

“Oh, we met freshman year. We both rushed the frat together, but I dropped after one semester.” Soonyoung pops in then, telling Joshua about when he rushed, and the two boys talk about other people they both mutually know. As one does.

They run out of people after a person named Jihoon. Joshua turns back to you. “How did you and Jeonghan meet? I haven’t even gotten the full story yet.”

“We met through Soonyoung, technically, I guess. At the house during a party. Soonyoung let me into his bathroom.”

Joshua nods, and with a playful lilt adds, “not a stalker, are you?”

You click your tongue against the roof of your mouth and turn back to Soonyoung on the other side of you. “I hope you know I’m never beating the stalker allegations because of you.”

Soonyoung smiles smugly at you.

“No, I’m kidding,” Joshua says through a laugh hidden behind his palm. “I just know how paranoid Jeonghan is about that stuff now.”

The wording pokes at a corner of your mind. “Now?”

Joshua nods, solemnly almost. “He actually had one last year. Didn’t end up being anything seriously endangering luckily. But he barely left his dorm for the rest of the semester after all was said and done.”

You think back to your conversation with Jeonghan on the roof of the library. You feel a familiar pang of pity bloom in your chest. He never got to just be young. Outloud, you hear yourself saying, “stupid.”

Joshua leans towards you. “What?”

You wave it off, and the crowd erupts into cheer. Everybody starts standing up, yelling and jumping and whooping. You hesitate for too long obviously. Soonyoung pulls you up by your arm. You see the team rush the field and the crowd gets impossibly louder. You look for Jeonghan among the players scanning each of them until you find him towards the left side of the field, warming up or something. You’re not really sure. Either way, you hear yourself start cheering when you find him, hands cupping around your mouth. The game starts soon enough with Joshua explaining to you and Soonyoung which position Jeonghan plays and what the hell is happening each time a player receives a card. After the first 15 minutes, you actually get a pretty good understanding of the whole thing.

The first half comes to a close with the opposing team up by one goal and Jeonghan’s team looking exhausted and dispirited.

“Hey, I gotta head out.” Soonyoung tells you once everything has settled down for halftime. “Still have to finish that chem lab due tonight.”

You grimace at the reminder of the report. “Good luck. It took me 5 hours.”

He gives you a miserable thumbs up. Then, turns his attention to Joshua. “It was nice to meet you.”

Joshua returns the sentiment. “I’ll see you at Tim’s once you’re done with the report though, right?”

Soonyoung’s lips turn to a fine line. “I, well, it’s a funny story but uh…”

“He’s banned from Tim’s.” You finish for him.

Joshua does not hide his shock. Soonyoung just shrugs and walks off. Joshua turns to you, exasperated. “But it’s the only bar in town.”

You inhale, “And Soonyoung is the type to get impulsively banned from it for the rest of college.” The answer doesn’t seem to do much of anything for Joshua’s profound confusion. “What’s at Tim’s tonight?”

“Oh, the team always goes there after games. They normally invite some friends too. Whoever can make it out basically.” You nod at his explanation, watching as people leave the stands then return, holding steaming, paper cartons of food. God, that smells good. You crane your neck to see. Are those corn dogs? “Did Jeonghan not tell you about it?”

“What?” He pulls you out of a trance of your own. “Oh, yeah, yeah. I think he mentioned it. I probably just forgot.”

Joshua chuckles politely. “So are you coming?”

Oh crap. “Uh, well…” A million lies run through your mind, chasing past one another, zigzagging in your brain. You have homework. You have other plans. You and Jeonghan aren’t even actually dating. Well—a million lies and one truth you guess. Either way, they all fizzle to nothing. Jeonghan didn’t tell you about the tradition at Tim’s. He probably doesn’t even want you there. So what the hell are you supposed to tell his best friend?

Luckily, you never have to figure that out. Fanfare erupts through the crowd, the announcer sounds throughout the entire field. “Oh the game’s restarting,” you mutter. Joshua is either genuinely disinterested in your response or just polite enough to not ask about it again. You have a crummy feeling it’s the latter.

The second half of the game is much more intense than the first. Your school’s team comes out blazing, scoring a goal in the first ten minutes in an insane effort led by the player with a 7 on his back. And the crowd, you included, absolutely lose their shit. You’re jumping up and down on the stands, screaming at the top of your lungs, voice lost among the rest. The team rushes to the right corner of the field closest to the student section, colliding in hugs and jumps and screaming maybe even louder than the hundreds of you in the stands. You watch Jeonghan in the celebration, hair matted down with sweat, mouth ajar in a soundless cheer, embracing a teammate before ditching him to literally jump on top of another. Your yells turn to laughs. And before you know it, the game is back on, all players racing across the field in a mad dash. The ball goes flying. Penalty cards flying to nearly every player at least once. The entire student section is at the edge of their seats. Time seems to fly by with unified chants filling your ears and throat. There’s only 10 minutes left. The game is still in a tie, and you really don’t feel like sitting here for the extra time. Then, someone starts singing the school’s fight song. Eventually, the whole section is singing it. You included. It ignites something in the team.

The opposing team has the ball, dribbling it across the field and passing it back and forth. Out of nowhere, one of your school’s players appears right next to the opponent with the ball. He kicks the ball out from under the other player, taking him and the rest of the stands by surprise. The ball rolls from under his knees to another of your school’s players. Jeonghan’s teammate is in action immediately, sprinting away with the ball to the opposite side of the field, feet flying faster than your mind can even comprehend. And just as one of the opposing team’s members closes in on him, he punts the ball in the air and it flies and flies and flies. Your heart lurches. There’s no mistaking it–the ball is aimed for Jeonghan. 7 minutes left. Jeonghan receives the ball perfectly, immediately racing away with it towards the goal. An opponent chases after him, forcing him to head nearer and nearer to the touchlines. It all happens so fast. The other player kicks his feet out to steal the ball. Jeonghan crosses the ball over to another teammate. The teammate receives it with his head. He dribbles it forward for half a second and then shoots. Time nearly stops when he does. The goalie throws their entire body to block the ball, and every present body watches, stupefied, as the ball blows right past the goalie’s head and lands squarely within the goal.

And if you thought the previous goal’s celebration was loud, this one’s is deafening. The entire stadium roars in pride. Your school won. Jeonghan won. And you can’t stop fucking smiling.

—

Joshua convinces you to wait for Jeonghan and the rest of the team at Tim’s with him. You do. For matters of fake dating but also because you could really use a beer. Conversation with Joshua is fun and light. By the time you’re both on your second round, his politeness dims to tease you for your drink of choice. You see now why he’s one of Jeonghan’s closest friends.

There’s commotion towards the entrance. You turn your heads towards it and watch Jeonghan’s team rumble through the tiny door, yelling at god knows what and rushing to the bar.

Joshua stands to go say hi. You follow him, walking slightly behind. Jeonghan finds you before you both find him. He tackles Joshua first, hugging him from the side, and literally ‘whooping’ into his ear. Joshua smacks at his face at first, but eventually joins him in the repeated ‘whooping’ jumping up and down in celebration. Then Jeonghan sees you. The whooping fades. He stares.

You swallow.

“Yah!” He exclaims, releasing Joshua and pointing a finger at your shirt. “I thought I told you to wear the jersey I gave you.”

Your face drops. Whatever happened to ‘hi’, ‘hello’, ‘how are you’?

Joshua says something about the bathroom and walks to the back of the bar.

You shake your head at the remaining boy. “It’s a little bit concerning how good you are at lying, you know.”

“Well, we can’t have people suspecting us.” He retorts, stepping closer to you as someone passes behind him.

“Is it okay that I’m here?” You ask, quiet enough for no one else to hear, face scrunching. “I didn’t know what to say to Joshua earlier, but I can definitely make up a lie if you want to just–”

“Are you kidding?” He grabs you by the shoulders, shaking you back and forth. “I want you here! We have to celebrate. This was the biggest game of the season, and we won it!” Then, with that same crooked smile you noticed upon first meeting, he adds, “Plus, you’re not very good at lying.”

You scoff. “Even now, you have the capacity for assholery.”

His eyebrows zip together. “I don’t think that’s a word.”

“It could be.”

Someone pats Jeonghan on the back, handing him a drink. Jeonghan asks what it is. The other person tells him to just drink it. Jeonghan does so begrudgingly. You recognize the person to be player number 7.

“Hi, I’m Seungcheol,” number 7 says to you, holding out his hand. You shake it, introducing yourself and congratulating him on the game.

“Hey, is assholery a word?” Jeonghan asks his teammate, watching your face contort through a thousand different variations of annoyance and disbelief.

Seungcheol looks between the two of you. “Uh, no. Don’t think so.”

“Ha!” Jeonghan wags a finger in your face. “You owe me a drink.”

You narrow your eyes at him, but you head towards the bar with Jeonghan anyways, where you find Joshua again ordering the three of you a round of shots. “No, no,” he insists, when you try to tell him that you’re already buying drinks, “I owe Jeonghan a drink anyways.”

And as you find out throughout the course of the night, apparently every other patron at Tim’s owes Jeonghan a drink. You lose count of how many times you’ve heard him say so after your third beer. Joshua makes his exit soon after that and conveniently right before the team starts singing the fight song again. You start dreaming of bed when a guy you recognize as number 3 gets on a chair and starts leading the crowd.

Your phone buzzes.

Soonyoung [1:23 AM]: finished the report :0

Soonyoung [1:23 AM]: finally

Soonyoung [1:24 AM]: how’s tim’s

You [1:24 AM]: did you know they had a karaoke machine?

Soonyoung [1:25 AM]: do you not remember how i got banned in the first place

You [1:25 AM]: sore subject mb

You [1:27 AM]: damn how’d you finish the report so fast

You [1:27 AM]: you only started it after the game right

Soonyoung [1:28 AM]: u know me xD

An odd feeling settles in your stomach as they start the last stanza of the fight song. You shove your phone in your pocket and ask for the check.

By 2 am, the celebration is finally winding down, and the entire team is collectively too drunk to stand. “Come on, Jeonghan,” you pull him away as he says goodbye to his friends for the millionth time. “Let’s go home.”

He finally relents, turning away from his friends and throwing both his arms over your shoulders, hugging you from the back. “Let’s go to yours.”

“Mine? Why?”

“It’s closer.” Then after a moment, he bumps his chin against your shoulder and adds, “Plus, I wanna see your room.”

“Fine,” you huff and start walking. Jeonghan releases himself from your back, electing to walk on his own until you realize he’s too much of a wanderer to be unattached, drifting off to the edge of the sidewalk or in the wrong direction every chance he gets. He asks you to carry him. You settle for holding his hand. The two of you walk quietly back to your dorm. That is until Jeonghan starts humming the fight song again. You snap. “Is that the only song you guys know tonight?”

He stops humming and apologizes. You don’t say anything back. Then, very quietly, sounding so infuriatingly innocent, he says, “I didn’t mean to get this drunk.”

You’re an asshole. “No. It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m just a little��� upset right now.”

He burps. “Because of me?”

The look on his face when he says it pulls a laugh from between your lips. “No. Not because of you.” You make a right onto your street, dragging Jeonghan along as he tries to take a left. “Anyway, I thought student athletes weren’t supposed to drink.”

“No, we’re not supposed to get caught drinking.” Jeonghan holds out his hand in front of him, as if to say ‘stop’ to something invisible to you. “Very different.”

“Ah, I see.”

“Either way, I don’t drink that much.”

You scoff, stopping in front of the door to your building. “What do you mean? You drank last weekend.”

He shakes his head. “That was a special occasion.”

“And the occasion was…?”

He looks you dead in the eye.

“You make me nervous.”

Then, he turns around and vomits into the bushes behind him.

Once you get him to your apartment and in your bathroom, you leave him to vomit out the alcohol. Returning after the retching sounds recede and you’ve changed into pjs. He’s seated on the floor beside the toilet, eyes closed and head resting against the wall. You sit on the other side. Thank god, you cleaned this bathroom yesterday. “How do you feel?” You ask him.

He inhales. “Much better now that I…” He gestures to the toilet.

“Here.” You hand him a glass of water.

He opens his eyes and takes it, drinking from it slowly. “Sorry I got so drunk.”

“You already apologized 30 times on the way up here.” You remind him.

“But I’m really sorry.”

“And I really don’t mind.”

He considers that for a long moment. “You sure?”

You lean forward. “I’m sure. More water?”

He shakes his head, wordlessly eyeing your pajama pants. You look down at your snoopy pants. You hadn’t thought too hard about your choice of bottoms when you changed. “Cute.” He mutters, smiling at them.

You mumble back a ‘thanks’.

“So, what’d you think of the game?”

You tell him honestly how much fun you had watching them play, giving him every reaction you had to every move made and all your unfiltered opinions on the refs. He listens intently, filling you in on all the thoughts that ran through his head while they were playing and every conversation that happened on the sidelines.

“Thanks for coming.” He tells you once you’ve both exhausted all opinions relating to the game itself. “And for meeting Joshua and coming out to Tim’s afterwards and then getting me out of Tim’s too.”

“Jeonghan, it’s really not that big of a deal. And Joshua was a lot of fun to hang out with.”

“Hey, don’t get too attached.” He warns. “I’m the one you’re fake dating.”

“Trust me, I know.”

“So, then, as your fake boyfriend,” he gulps down the last of the water, “are you going to tell me what you were so upset about?”

You exhale, flexing your fingers. “It’s stupid.”

“And here I was thinking we had made a pact to be young and dumb.” You run your tongue over your top row of teeth, holding back a smile. “So, what happened?”

“I just got this text from Soonyoung that he finished this one assignment. And, I don’t know, I just felt so ridiculous because it took me so much longer than him to do.”

“Which assignment? The chem lab?”

You don’t remember telling Jeonghan about it. “Uh, yeah. How did you–”

“Man, who cares if it took you longer? I know Soonyoung, and I know you, and I bet yours is a million times better than his. No offense to Soonyoung, but I’m pretty sure he’d agree anyways.”

“Okay, you’re drunk.”

“That may be true, but it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re brilliant.”

Something about the way he says it, how steady his voice is maybe or the way he refuses to look away, forces you to see how much he believes it. But even that, doesn’t do much to change what you think.

“What are you talking about? I wouldn’t even be passing multi if it weren’t for you.” Your voice cracks as you say the words, making it all come out sounding much sadder than you had intended it to. You hope he doesn’t notice.

“That’s really not true.” You can’t even trust yourself to respond to him. He pouts. “Are you upset again?”

“A little.”

“I’m sorry. Let’s drop it.”

“Gladly.” Then, after a moment, you laugh at how silly it all is.

“First fight of the relationship.” He gives you your second half smile of the night. “I think we should hug it out.”

Your body reacts to the words before you do. “I disagree–”

“Did you just cringe?”

“–you smell like vomit.”

“Well, do you have clothes for me?”

“No, but I have a couch.”

He holds his index finger up. “I’ll take it.”

—

(When you wake up the next morning, Jeonghan’s gone. You open your phone and find 2 more apologies and 3 more thank you’s from him.

You try to ignore the twinge of disappointment.)

—

When the third weekend of fake dating rolls around, you admittedly are a bit tired of going to parties and getting drunk. So when Jeonghan asks what the plans are, you suggest he say that he’s taking you out on a date instead.

As such, you’ve spent nearly the entire day in bed. You’re heating up some water on the stove to make ramen when you get a text from Jeonghan saying he’s five minutes away. You stare at the text. The fuck does that mean?

Unsurprisingly, it ends up meaning that he was literally five minutes away. You open the door when he knocks and stare at him standing in the doorway.

“What are you wearing?” Is the first thing he says. You look down at your outfit. “You should’ve told me this was going to be a sweats kind of date before I put real clothes on.”

“Date?”

“Don’t look so surprised, it was your idea.” Jeonghan reminds you, strutting into your kitchen.

“No, no.” You say, returning to your boiling water. “My idea was to tell people we’re going on a date. Like as a cover.”

“Oh.” He falls down onto your couch. “Well I’m here so get dressed there’s this new ramen place I wanna try.”

You sigh, turning the stovetop off before trudging to your room to change.

The ‘date’ ends up being quite nice. You discuss a study plan to prepare for your math midterm over a much yummier bowl of ramen than you had planned on consuming today. Afterwards, you walk the streets of downtown, only intending to window shop. However, now, standing in a small boutique, Jeonghan tries to convince you to buy matching necklaces.

“Come on, they’re so cute.”

“We don’t need matching necklaces, Jeonghan.”

“A real couple would definitely have matching necklaces.”

“Good thing we’re not one.”

“Fine then. Guess I’ll just stop tutoring you in math too. You know Lubinsky’s midterms are almost as hard as his finals, right?”

You grab two of the necklaces and turn to the cashier. “How much?” You swear you hear Jeonghan whoop from behind you.

—

“Hey,” Jeonghan whispers, “we’re here.” You open your eyes slowly, not even registering that you fell asleep on the ride back to campus after the date-but-not-date. “You drool when you sleep by the way.”

And that wakes you up. You wipe whatever drool is left on your mouth, muttering a small and embarrassed ‘shut up’.

“What are you doing for the rest of your day?” He asks as you gather your things from his car.

“Absolutely nothing. Today’s the last day to rot before midterm prep starts.” You tell him, looking for your wallet. “What about you?”

“Avoiding a mixer at the house tonight.” He reaches into the center console and hands you the leather slip.

You take the wallet gratefully. “Wanna join me? We can make some tea. Watch a movie.”

He puts the car in park. “I know just what we should watch.”

And that’s how you end up on your couch with Jeonghan, two emptied mugs sitting on the coffee table, blanket draped over your legs, and the worst movie you’ve seen to date playing in the background.

“Wow, this movie sucks ass.”

“This,” Jeonghan gestures passionately to the screen, “is cinema.” You clasp your hands together as if in prayer. He takes a double take at the motion. “What are you doing?”

“I’m thanking god that your major is business and not film.” He immediately smacks apart your hands. “Don’t lie.” You say gasping for air between laughs. “This movie is objectively not good.”

His tongue peeks out between his lips, you practically see the smiling begging to emerge on his face. “Okay, so it might not be all that it was hyped up to be, but–”

“Ha!” You point a finger in his face. “I knew you hated it.” He slumps into the couch, pulling the blanket up to his chin. “Do you want more tea?” You ask. He soundlessly nods, refusing to move his eyes from the tv screen.

You stand to make some, grabbing both mugs from the table. “So, do you not have a roommate?” Jeonghan questions, as you pour water from the kettle into the mugs.

You look to the second, empty room of your apartment style dorm. “Actually, no. There was supposed to be someone there, but they moved or dropped out at the start of the year and the school never filled the room.”

“Ah.” Jeonghan clicks, nodding as if finally putting together the last piece of a puzzle “So, that’s why you’re so friendless.”

You return to the couch with full mugs. “I am not friendless.” He makes a face. “Really. I have friends.”

“Other than Soonyoung?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, name them.” You kick him under the blanket. “Fine. You have friends.” (“I have friends.”) “But how come you never talk about hanging out with them?”

You exhale slowly, sinking further into the couch. “I just didn’t do too well in school last semester, so I promised myself I would focus on classes this time around. And, I don’t know, I guess I just got so caught up in that and haven’t really been making the time or effort for hangouts.”

He tilts his head. “You know, I feel like there’s a world where you can do well in school while also maintaining your friendships. I mean we see each other regularly.”

“That’s because half of the time we’re studying.”

He gives you a look. “You know what I mean.”

You sigh, considering his point. Maybe at one point you would have thought the same. Last semester you even tried to have it all–the friends, the social life, the grades. But in the end, you dropped the ball. You can’t afford to make those same mistakes. “I just don’t think that world exists for me.”

He finally looks away from the tv and gives his full attention to you. His eyes seem to linger on every turn in your face. Quietly, he says, “So that’s what it is.” He doesn’t offer an explanation immediately. Instead, his chest deflates in one long exhale, and you smother the voice in your head that’s begging you to ask for one. And there’s this conviction in his voice, this breathtaking finality, when he says, “When are you going to believe me when I say that you’re one of the smartest people I know?” that scares the living shit out of you.

He looks at you again, and you swear to god, his eyes fall right through your frame. You swallow. “What about you?”

His eyebrows raise. “What about me?”

“Who are your friends? How do you spend all your time apart from classes, soccer, the frat, tutoring me and–oh my god, nevermind, new question. Do you even sleep?”

He takes a sip from the tea. “Don’t forget the business honor society. I’ll be the treasurer next fall.”

You squint at him. “Why?”

And like it’s the simplest, most obvious thing in the world he says, “oh, well, they asked.”

Suddenly, you’re reminded of all the times you’ve seen him get asked out on dates followed by every time he’s failed to say no. “Jeonghan,” you turn to him, setting down your mug. (“oh, this is serious, okay.”) You ignore him. “Can you not say no to people?”

He blows a raspberry. “I can say no. Ask me something.”

“Uhhhh,” you rack your brain, “how about–let’s go to the beach next weekend.”

The closest beach is 5 hours away, and yet he has the audacity to say, “Wait, that sounds like fun though.”

“I thought you hated the ocean.”

“Yeah, but maybe it’d be fun with you.”

You shake your head, muttering how impossible he is. The end credits of the movie finally plays.

“I should head out.” Jeonghan says, removing himself from under the blanket. You nod, grabbing the mugs of tea and bringing them to the kitchen. He follows you to the door. You both exchange the usual ‘this was fun’, ‘let’s do it again’, ‘I’ll see you later’ that ends every hangout you’ve had in college. But then, unlike every other person you’ve held the door open for as they leave, after Jeonghan says his final goodbye, he gives you a peck on the lips.

Did that just happen?

Your fingers touch against your lips. Oh my god, it did.

He blinks. “Sorry. I, uh, I don’t know why I just,” he points to your lips, swallowing, “lol. We’re always pretending and then now. And you. Okay, well, anyways, I’ll leave.”

He turns and doesn’t look back. You hear a ‘bye’ sound from the hallway.

And it’s only by the time he’s probably halfway home that it hits: You’ve never seen Jeonghan flustered like that.

—

The first day of midterm prep is brutal. You spend the entire night in the library, studying for hours on end. And once an hour, on the dot it seems, you hear Jeonghan’s voice in your head. There’s a world where you can do well in school while also maintaining your friendships. That very night you text your friends, asking if they want to join you in one of the library study rooms you have booked every evening this week. They do, excited to hear from you again and for the gentle encouragement to get a head start on studying. You hate to admit that Jeonghan was right, but goddammit he was. You have a blast with your friends. You had barely even realized how long you’d gone without seeing them and how much you missed them. By the time your Thursday afternoon tutoring with Jeonghan comes back around, you’re still on track with the study plan you created over ramen, and you have exciting news for him.

“A birthday party?” Jeonghan says, voice carefully devoid of the disdain you must know he feels.

“Yeah, they heard through whoever that we’re dating, and now they all want you to come.”

“But a birthday party?” He repeats. This time not trying to hide anything.

“Oh come on. I went to the game for you.”

“Yeah, but the game was fun.”

“This will be fun too!” You say in what you hope is an encouraging way.

“Fine. But promise you won’t ditch me for your friends.”

“You’re so dramatic.” You mutter. “But yes, I promise.”

That Friday night Jeonghan meets you at your apartment and the two of you head over to the party together.

Halfway down the hallway to your friend’s apartment, Jeonghan suddenly halts. “Shit, should I have brought something?”

“Like what?”

“A gift? Wine? I don’t know.”

“Jeonghan, it’s a party. Don’t overthink it.” You tell him, opening the door to your friend’s apartment.

You step into her entryway and immediately feel like you’ve been transported into another world. The lights are all off save for some LED lights wrapped around the living room ceiling. An assortment of stacked red solo cups, yak-worthy bottles of vodka, and seltzers take over all available kitchen counter space. Some old pop song from an artist you know your friend loves plays loudly from the tv, reverberating through every pair of ears shoved into this tiny apartment. You inhale. The air reeks distinctly of college. You love it.

“Oh my god, there’s even people on the balcony.” Jeonghan whispers in your ears. You pivot your head around to look at him. He looks back at you, unassuming. “What?”

This entire scene is one you’re quite familiar with, having spent many nights just like this in previous semesters. But as you watch Jeonghan gape at the amount of people fitted into the kitchen alone, you figure he might not be as acquainted with this. “Yoon Jeonghan, is this your first apartment party?”

He cocks his head to the side. “Is it not yours?”

But before you can tell him all about the life you used to live before him, your friends find you attacking you with hugs and introducing themselves to Jeonghan.

Jenny, the birthday girl in question, sloppily points at both of you and says, “I’ve been drinking since noon. You need to catch up.”

After a minute of half-hearted protest, you oblige, heading over to the kitchen area. You grab two cups, handing Jeonghan one. “There’s soda over there if you’re not drinking tonight,” you tell him, pointing to the area beside the sink where a line of mixers await.

He looks over at the bottles, then looks back at you. “Are you drinking?”

“Yes!” Your friend Daniel yells from over the music. You just shrug, reaching for one of the handles. “I guess so.”

Jeonghan inhales sharply, holding out his cup for you to pour. “I’ll have what you’re having then.”

You hesitate, open bottle hovering over the lip of his cup. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Why?”

You frown. “I was thinking about what you said after the game about how you don’t drink that much, and I don’t want you to drink just because I am. I can not drink too.”

He pushes his cup up. “What was it you said earlier? It’s a party. Don’t overthink it.”

Then he gives you that crooked half smile that you’ve come to know so well. You pour him a drink and pour yourself one too. You turn back to your friends, holding up your cup for a cheers.

“Wait, wait, what are we cheersing to?” Daniel asks, grabbing his cup from behind him and holding it up, tapping on Jenny’s shoulder for her to do the same.

It’s Jeonghan who answers. Looking straight at you, he holds his cup up high and says, “To friends.”

You bring the drink up to your lips smiling, watching him watching you. All four of you down your drinks. The drink is absolutely terrible, burning a path down your throat all the way down. Jeonghan hands you another cup, whispering ‘it’s coke’ with an equally pained expression on his face. You take it gratefully.

“God,” Jenny says, placing a hand on her chest while watching the exchange between you and Jeonghan, “they’re like an old married couple already. How have we missed all this?”

“I know.” Daniel says, shaking his head. “I can still barely believe it.”

You glare at him. “Hey, what’s so hard to believe?”

They both ignore you, turning their attention to Jeonghan instead.

“So, we’ve heard all the boring–how you guys met, first date–sort of stuff, but we want to know the juicy details–”

“Jenny, don’t you have other guests to attend to or–”

“Yeah,” Daniel joins in, “like what’s your favorite thing about them?”

You turn to Jeonghan immediately. “You don’t have to answer that.”

“My favorite part,” Jeonghan starts, ignoring your plea to not humor them and tapping a finger on his chin in thought. He must find it after a moment, pausing the tapping and stealing a glance your way. “Probably how much fun I have with them.” He says to your friends. “I feel like we’re always laughing together or just having a good time. I’ve never been able to talk to someone as easily as I do with them. Like you know how when you get towards the end of a really good book, and you just can’t put it down, pushing everything else to the side to keep reading. Hanging out with them is like that.” Turning back to look at you, he adds, “I never want it to end.”

You hold his gaze while Jenny and Daniel erupt into a series of awes and exclamations. Deep in your gut, you know that you should be focusing on the kind smile on his face or the sudden rapidity in your heartbeat, but instead, more cruelly, you wonder how much of that was a lie he made up to appease the role of your fake boyfriend.

You turn to pour yourself another drink. He holds his cup out as well. You pour for two.

“You okay?” He asks, pouring some fruit punch into both your cups as well.

You nod. You have no reason to be upset. So taking a sip of the drink, you decide you’re not. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“We should play a game,” he says, taking a sniff of your jointly made concoction.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, like…” He looks around the apartment. “We have to drink every time we see someone kissing.”

“What kind of rule is that?”

“No. It’ll be fun.” He says, scanning the apartment again. He sucks in air between his teeth. “Damn, I thought there’d be more kissing than this for some reason.”

You laugh at his cluelessness, and then lean in to kiss his cheek. “There.” You say, clinking your cup against his. “Now, we can drink.”

He taps a finger to the tip of his nose twice, then points it at you, before taking two large gulps of his drink.

The game actually does a good job of getting you and Jeonghan drunk once Jenny catches wind if it and starts giving out birthday kisses to whoever will take one. After a while, you make the executive decision that you need a break and escape to the bathroom to piss. When you exit back into the hallway off the living room, Jeonghan is there, leaning against the opposite wall, waiting for you. He hands you your cup back. “Your friends are terrible, terrible enablers,” he says, motioning for you to drink up while taking a drink himself. You whimper, leaning against the wall beside him and readmitting the dreaded liquid to your body.

“So,” you bump your shoulder against his, “are you having fun?”

He shifts his entire body to face you, shoulder resting against the wall, back turned to the entire party. He puts his face right in front of yours, narrows his eyes at you playfully, and says, “did you even listen to what I said?”

You put a hand on his shoulder. Just to have something between his body and yours. “What?”

He grins cheekily, letting out a puff of air that smells like cherry. “I always have fun with you.”

You laugh. Then in a voice sober you would be embarrassed of, you say, “And you never want it to end?”

He sticks his tongue out just barely, laughing into your neck. “And I never want it to end.”

You kiss him.

You don’t stop to think about what it might mean tomorrow or even in the next hour. You don’t stop to think about the fact that you’re too drunk to be initiating kisses or the possibility that he is. You don’t stop to think about anything, other than how much you love the sound of his laugh and how badly you want to feel his lips on yours again.

The kiss starts slowly, a shy orchestration of lips and breath. Your nose bumps against his, and he pulls away. He looks at you with those damn eyes, like it’s the first time all over again. And for some reason you can’t explain you bitterly think that it was always going to end like this.

He cups his free hand against your cheek and pulls you back in. Your lips meet in an open-mouthed kiss that has nothing slow and shy about it. No. It’s sloppy, hurried, and hungry. It’s tongue and teeth, crashing and colliding over and over again. It’s your body against his, every rise of your chest battling against his You wrap your free hand against his torso, pulling him impossibly closer. His hand moves from where it was holding your face to travel over the back of your head and your neck, sliding halfway down your back before pulling forward to run from your waist down to your hip. It lingers there for a moment before continuing further to grip the back of your thigh, pulling your knee up the side of his leg and holding it there against his hip.

A commotion sounds from the living room. “Oh shit.” You say breathlessly, pulling away from him. “I think she’s going to pop the champagne.”

“Okay.” He breathes, before kissing you again. You laugh in his mouth, whispering his name and pushing a hand against his chest. Finally, he lets go of your leg. You lead him back to the rest of the party where everyone is crowding around the balcony entrance. You and Jeonghan stand in the living room, watching from the window as Jenny struggles to pop the cork. She gets it after a moment, yelping at the sudden burst and spraying it over the edge of the balcony. Once the champagne dies down enough to not be overflowing, she brings the bottle to her lips and chugs. Everyone counts.

1! Jeonghan steps closer to you, wrapping his arms around your torso and hugging you from the back. You have to remind yourself to catch your breath.

2! He rests his chin on your shoulder. Without even thinking about it, you rest your head against his. His voice is a warm breath on your neck.

3! You recall what he said to your friends at the start of the party and again to you right before the kiss. Did he mean it? Does he really not want this to end?

4! Your eyes glance over at his. He looks happy. He looks like he’s finally given himself the chance to be young and stupid, which from the start, is all you ever wanted for him. So then why does it make you feel so suddenly grief-stricken?

5! “Why didn’t you tell Joshua about us?” You ask him quietly, voice drowned out by the counting for everyone other than him.

6! He angles his chin towards you. “What do you mean? He knows we’re dating.”

7! “No, I mean why didn’t you tell him that it’s fake.”

8! He stands up straight. Fuck the counting. You turn to look at him. “He’s your best friend, isn’t he?”

9! He looks at you carefully. “Did you tell Soonyoung that it’s all been fake?”

10! You haven’t even answered him yet, but somehow, he already knows what you’re going to say.

11! “Yes.” And even alcohol couldn’t have hidden the distinct look of betrayal painted all over his face.

12! He looks down into his cup and chuckles darkly. “Why did we just kiss?”

13! You swallow. Shit. “Someone was looking at you, like–well, you know what like.”

14! He doesn’t say anything. You recount his words back to him. “Sealing the deal, remember.”

15! His eyes bore into yours. How could you have been so stupid?

16! Please, you want to beg, say something.

17! He shakes his head, smiling emptily. “Tell your friends it was nice to meet them.”

18! He doesn’t wait to hear if you have anything left to say. He turns, and you watch him disappear from the party.

The rest of the numbers blur in your head.

—

(That night you had called Soonyoung, sobbing over the phone, feeling more drunk then, in your apartment than you had at any other point that night.

“What’s wrong?” Alarm was flush in his voice. “What happened? Are you okay?”

The only thing Soonyoung could even make out was a very sad, very quiet, “I ruined it.”)

—

You haven’t talked to Jeonghan since Jenny’s party. He hasn’t texted you either. Staring at your upcoming midterm on Thursday and the extra study session with Jeonghan scheduled for Wednesday, you feel, quite lamely, mocked by your own calendar. But more than anything, you’re mad that he’s left you to study all alone the week of your midterm. You’re mad that you’re so busy replaying that night in your head, you can barely pay attention to the practice tests. You’re mad that, right now, sitting at the spot you guys always sat at in the library, you don’t have him. And you’re terrified of the creeping thought that you never really did.

By the time the midterm does come around, you’re exhausted. Not from studying or lack of sleep, but just from the sheer willpower it’s taken all week to not think about Jeonghan. You feel oddly calm going into the exam, the usual anxious chatter of students around you and rattling of chairs and pencils, not freaking you out as much as it normally would. You take the midterm, one question at a time, just as Jeonghan instructed you to do with every homework and every quiz. And then, 40 minutes in, you finish. Astonishingly, you even have enough time left to check over your work. So you do, fixing minor rounding and calculation errors, until you’re faced again with a completed exam and 15 minutes left.

You get to do something you haven’t done since high school: you turn it in early.

—

You spend the rest of that day in between your bed and your couch, struggling even more now than before to ignore thoughts of Jeonghan and your last conversation with him. For the past several weeks, Thursday afternoons were monopolized by Jeonghan, but today, watching the sun set outside your window, you’ve spent it all alone. The finality of what happened last weekend finally hits you: you might never speak to Jeonghan again. You really did ruin it. Suddenly, the urge to weep overcomes you. You turn on the tv instead, looking for a movie to watch. And of course it must be fate's petty joke on you that the first movie that pops up is the one you watched with Jeonghan after your date. You groan into your pillow before switching to something else.

By the time the movie is almost over and the sun has fully set, your phone rings. You had been checking it obsessively earlier and had therefore set it a bit farther away from where you were sitting. But at the sound of the ring, you’re ashamed to admit that you literally leapt for it. Your mind reads the caller id and is instantly flooded with an odd mix of relief and anxiety. Jeonghan is calling. Holy shit, Jeonghan is calling.

Your voice is shaky when you answer. “Hello?”

“Hey, this is Jeonghan’s partner right?” Your mouth parts at the voice that most definitely does not belong to Jeonghan. Who is this man? Why does he have Jeonghan’s phone? Why does it hurt your heart so much when he calls you Jeonghan’s partner? You must sit in your shock for too long because the mystery caller speaks again, sounding somewhat annoyed. “This is Seungcheol from the team. This is who I think it is, right? Because your number was saved as ‘my cutie’ with like a million heart emojis, so if not, this is about to get really awkward.” You have no idea how to respond to that. Finally, Seungcheol says your name. “This is you, right?”

You inhale sharply. “Yeah, uhm, sorry yes. Is everything alright? Aren’t you guys at practice right now?”

“Yeah, well we’re about to end, but here’s the thing…” Seungcheol then explains how terribly Jeonghan’s been playing this week, overly aggressive, missing every pass, fucking up every cross. And today, halfway through practice he hurt his shoulder and the coach sat him out entirely, forcing him to sit on the sidelines and just watch. Safe to say, this did not go over well with him, and he’s been laying down on the bench head buried in his arms, snapping at everyone who approaches him ever since. Seungcheol had to use a fake emergency bathroom break as a chance to run away to the locker room and make this call. “Do you know what’s going on with him?”

Of course you know, and it’s all your fault. You really did ruin everything with one kiss. “I–”

“Fuck, I’m running out of time. Never mind that.” Seungcheol says, cutting you off. “Can you just come down and be here, when we get off practice? Jeonghan drove over so you both can take his car back, but I think he just really needs someone here with him today.”

You wince. “Seungcheol, actually, I–”

“No, no, please. You don’t understand. I think I saw him crying on the bench. He needs you. Come.” Then after a slight hesitation he adds, “If you can. Please.”

You don’t even know what to say, but it doesn’t matter because just then the call ends. You stare at your phone, considering the options. Stay here and wallow. Or go, and try to salvage everything you’ve broken. And while you are a very accomplished wallower, you know which one you have to do. You drag your feet all the way over to your room to change.

You pace outside the field waiting for them, running through every possible scenario in your head. It does nothing, only worsening the condition of your already ailing heart. You drop down onto the curb, holding your head in your hands. Maybe he won’t even see you like this. You can’t tell if you prefer or hate that possibility.

Something bumps into your back. You look up and find Jeonghan staring down at you. You stand up so quickly your head starts to spin. Looking at him, you realize that this is the longest you’ve gone without seeing or talking to each other since meeting. You hated every second of it. But you think you might hate the look on his face right now more.

“What are you doing here?” He asks, words devoid of all the little quirks that make him him.

“Seungcheol called me.”

His face twitches. “Why?”

“He said that you–” you halt, selfishly wondering if it’s too late to abandon this ship. “How’s your shoulder?”

He looks at it, rolling it out once. He shrugs. “It’s fine now.”

You nod.

He then surprises you by asking: “How was your midterm?” Your eyes widen, searching his face for… you’re not even sure what. You don’t find it anyways.

You shift your weight uncomfortably. “It went well actually.”

He nods.

“Do you want a ride back?

He scoffs quietly. You flinch. “Can you even drive?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“How would you get back to yours?”

“I don’t know. Walk. Or maybe a bus. Or I could even–”

He doesn’t even let you finish. Voice raising when he asks again, “Why are you here?”

The words come out before you can stop them, tone matching his. “Because I’m sorry!”

“For what?”

“For kissing you!” He drops his duffle bag on the floor. “I don’t know!”

He parts his lips, inhaling as if to speak, but then he looks straight in your eyes and loses every word he might’ve wanted to say. He picks up his duffle and walks over to his car. “Jeonghan, please say something. I miss you, and I hate this. I just want to at least talk about what happened before we never speak again.”

He shoves his bag into the backseat and slams the door shut. He points to the car. “You coming?”

“Where?”

“I’ll drop you home.”

You don’t even know why you let him, but you do, sliding in the passenger seat and waiting until the car is started and moving to say something.

Or at least, that was the plan. But then you lose all the nerves you built up on your walk over and keep quiet the entire drive back to your place. It’s only when he stops in front of yours, ignition shutting off, that they build back enough for you to say, “Jeonghan, I–”

“I’m not mad because of the kiss.” He finally says, voice much softer than before. His eyes stay trained on the dashboard. “The kiss was…” He chokes on the word while the tiniest of smiles breaks like light after a storm on his face. “The kiss was perfect.” Your stomach momentarily turns into a gymnast. “I’m not even mad at all. I’m just,” You lean in after the words, as if waiting to catch them in your hands. He shakes his head once and then turns to look at you fully. “I’m upset because you think this has all been fake when, if I’m being brutally honest, I haven’t been faking anything since that first party.”

Oh.

Oh.

Holy fucking shit.

He chuckles darkly, hitting his head lightly against the steering wheel. “Now, I know what it feels like to be on the opposite end of this.”

You can’t help yourself. “How is it?”

He groans. “It’s like a thousand stomach aches throughout your entire body.”

You want to take him out of his misery, but, “I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything.”

“I don’t think–”

“No, I’m serious.” He mutters. He looks pained. “Remember when you said that I can’t say no to people? This is it. I’m saying no.” He smiles at you, but you know his eyes too well and you know when there’s nothing in them. His breath catches. “I’m really happy about your midterm. I always knew you didn’t need me.”

He looks away after that, turning the car back on, an obvious signal for you to get out. Selfishly, you don’t. You take two more seconds to stare at his face, his eyes, his hair, his hands. Then you unbuckle your seatbelt and step out of the car.

He doesn’t wait long before he drives away.

You walk back up to your dorm in a stupor of sorts. You unlock the door, step through the kitchen, walk like a zombie to your room, and stare at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes travel over your whole frame, and for some reason they fall to rest at your neck. More specifically, your necklace.

You’re out of the door, running before you even know it. Breathlessly, turning onto the road that leads to the opposite side of campus. 30 minutes away. This of course turns out to be a terrible, terrible idea. You do not run. But you get there eventually. Speed walking up to the door of Jeonghan’s frat house and knocking vigorously.

Soonyoung happens to be the one that opens it. “Oh, hey! How was your–Why can’t you breathe?”

You ignore him. “Is Jeonghan here?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t think he’s back from practice yet. Why? What happened? Did you guys make up yet?”

“No, but, Soonyoung, I’ve been so stupid. This whole time I kept gabbing on and on, but I was blind. It was him. It was always–”

You hear a familiar voice say your name. Not just familiar. Your favorite voice. You turn to face him.

And you can’t help it, you grin.

You’re distantly aware of Soonyoung closing the door behind you.

“How did you get here?”

“I ran.” He makes a face. “Well, partly.”

“I told you to–”

“I know what you said.”

“Fine.” He sighs. “I didn’t–well, not like this, but listen. It’s okay if you don’t care–”

“But the thing is Jeonghan,” you say, the sentences and words you had prepared on the way over blurring together all in a rush to get out of your head and into his, “I do. There was no one looking at you at Jenny’s party. I kissed you because I wanted to. Because I wanted it. I hate sports. Really, ask Soonyoung, but I went and watched your game and had fun because you asked me to and because I don’t have the capacity to actually say no to your face. I thought I hated that smirk you do, but really I just hate how flustered it makes me feel. And I’m sorry that I took the whole young and stupid thing too close to heart, but,” you pull the matching necklace out from under your shirt. “If I didn’t care, would I still be wearing this? Would I be able to stand here and tell you and I haven’t taken it off since we bought it? And that that date was the best date I’ve ever been on.” You let go of the necklace, inhaling sharply. “I care, Jeonghan.” Then, as if it needs to be clarified, you add, “about you.”

You stare at him, waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

He turns around, takes two steps away from you, and then immediately plops his ass on the ground. You hear a whimper. “I thought I was going to lose you.” You approach him slowly, like a cat you’re trying like hell not to scare. You kneel down on the pavement beside him. He wipes his tears. “Don’t laugh.” He cries, already sensing the one bubbling in your throat. You shake your head as a swear not to. Which you break a second after the fact, turning your head to the side, desperately trying to hide it behind your hand. “Bully!” He exclaims.

“No. No.” You say, composing yourself and turning back to him. His tears are wiped, but a pout remains on his face. You cup your hands against his cheeks. “It’s just really cute.”

“It’s embarrassing.” He huffs.

You shake your head. “I love it.” Then you kiss him. It’s a slow and sweet kiss. You relish in it. There’s no rush anymore. No deadline. He isn’t going anywhere. Neither are you. You have all the time in the world with him.

[madxzxz]

Dream Started out with me going through a house these a lot of people maybe a celebration of some sort and I'm staying there but also I'm trying to solve something and so I'm talking to everyone getting clues and then I'm outside and a cut scene starts and I touch this necklace I'm wearing that like lucky or whatever and then realize it's gone even tho you like actually just physically touched it and then it went back to gameplay and your walking around a shed and a cat with a cute little white cat jumps out with a chainsaw and you die and then apparently I had been watching a vtuber play a videogame the whole time and after that death it became night time and the house was kinda creepy and for some reason empty even tho everyone from the event was supposed to be there and you going through all the rooms then you hear somebody moving and once they see you they start to chase you and now I'm playing for some reason and it's really scary and stressful and I got to a point where I got away but they the person was still patrolling and I had to stealth away somewhere but I got caught and kept having to like dead by daylight loop them which I actually suck balls at so I was scraping by with the skin of my teeth but I finally did it after like three encounters and then I was asking the vtuber to switch back because I didn't wanna play anymore but she didnt respond because she was afk and then the difficulty skyrocketed and there were like six people walking around and I was like ok Ill just try my best to hide till she gets back but I got caught immediately and they all started to hard core patrol and hunt me down and I died

[loveing-eyes]

falling asleep on them including deku, todoroki , denki shinsou , tamaki , kirishima , dont judge me shigaraki

i would never judge someone for who they like I mean I literally wrote for mineta

izuku midoriya

• you two were sitting on the floor doing your homework well he was you were laying on his lap exhausted from school and training keeping you up

•for a moment he didn't realize you had fell asleep till you stopped replying to his randoms questions he glanced down seeing you wrapped your arms around his torso snuggling your face in his stomach

• he felt his face heat up as he smiled at you carefully laying a hand behind your head to make sure you didn't roll your head into the table smiling he slowly picked you up resting you down on the bed taking his shes off he laid next to you

• hey he was exhausted to he had the same schedule as you and he didn't have full control of his quirk yet

•instantly you found your way back to spread out laying I between his legs head rested on his chest

shoto todoroki

•also doing homework cause he wants both of you to do good in classes

•yet you were also actually doing work with him and helping

• when he felt a weight on his shoulder he thought you were just taking a small break and at first, you were until the relaxing feeling of shoto letting you rest against him

•then when he felt your breathing steady and you become limp he knew you wee asleep so he put his free arm around you to secure you not falling ovet

•smiled to himself you trusted him enough to take a nap on him

denki kaminari

•you two were laying on his bed you laying on his chest fidgetting with the choker he was wearing

•and him scrolling on his phone humming quietly just enjoying each others company smiling to himself about how much you loved when he wore jewelry at first he thought it would make you think he was to girly

•you didn't you thought it was hot and always fidgeted with the rings necklace and bracelets

•he stopped humming and moved his phone when your hand rested on his chest and your head landed on his upper stomach

•upon seeing you had fallen asleep on him he smiled taking a few photos for memories before grabbing a blanket he had laying it on top of you and laying a hand on your back

shinsou Hitoshi

• the two of you had been drug out with some of the 1-a class to a play

• a very boring history play

•so he knew you would get realy bored and took the seat next to you

• within 10 minutes he himself wanted to gouge his eyes out when he felt a small weight land on his shoulder and something pulling him closer to you

•glancing he saw you had fell aslep and were now pulling him closer to you like he was a body pillow

•he put his arm around you leaning ito your touch so you didnt yank on him in your sleep and the rest of the play was very bearable for him when he wasn't even paying attention to it

eijiou Kirishima

•it was in class when everyone was stil getting used to no leep and mr aizawas monotone voice didn't help keep you awake

•so when he felt a weight on his shoulder he was confused till he looked and saw it was just you getting a quick nap while Mr Aizawa looked like he was ready to fight bakugo so he could get fired and bor have to deal with his students anymore

•mineta was staring at your sleeping body and kirishima gave him a disgusted glance

•he put a protective arm around your shoulder making sure to block you from possibly falling out of your chair he lightly laid his head over top of yours smiling

•very manly of him to protect his s/o like that

tomura shigaraki

•you were lying in between his legs while he played his videogames explaining it to you while you rest your head against his thigh sleepily

•at first he thought you were ignoring home when you stopped replying till he glanced down seeing your shoulders moving slower and you were limp

•he smirked knowing you trusted him enough to do that even knowing how he felt bout weak people though he didn't see you as weak he liked you

•he carefully patted your head careful not to lay all 5 fingers on you at the same time

•he actually even turned the game off making kurogiri move you where you were laying on his chest so he could just hold you close and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead you were different to him than the rest of the world you were special

[kynrki]

MY ONLY LOVE!

pairing: niki x gn!reader, genre: fluff, warnings: a kiss, teasing, wc: 1086

AN — happiest of birthdays to the best boy out there🌟

“come one we gotta keep quiet” jungwon said as he pushed you outside the dorm door. it was your boyfriend, nikis, birthday and the boys wanted to celebrate it with him. but unfortunately niki had been a bit sad lately, as he didn’t have time to see you or even phone you, and you were ignoring his texts.

well, you weren’t ignoring them on purpose, you couldn’t really use your phone on an airplane. plus it was a surprise. since you knew he had been down lately due to his rambles to heeseung who told you, you decided to come out and visit him for the week. they anyways had off because of the world tour that had happened.

“niki!” jungwon knocked on his door. “go away hyung” he said as jungwon heard the bed sheets move. jungwon sighed and rolled his eyes before smiling slightly and opening his door. niki rolled over to look at jungwon, who had the rest of the members behind him, with a cake. “happy birthday to you” they all started singing.

niki smiled slightly at the thought that his members put a bit of effort in for him. they all gave him gifts too, he was forever thankful for his second family. they had managed to put a smile on the boys face after a week of being down. “hope you enjoy it niki bro” jake said as he placed a hand on his shoulder before walking out. the rest of the members followed after him except for jungwon.

“i have one last gift for you” jungwon said as he smiled at niki. niki looked at him in confusion, eyebrows furrowing in the process. jungwon had already gotten him something, something that was expensive might he add. “hyung its really no nee-“ “shush will you, jus take it please” jungwon interrupted him. “okay the gift is here, enjoy niki” he said before he walked out the younger boys room.

niki once again tilted his head in confusion. he saw a box left on the table they ate the cake from. he careful got up from the bed and moved closer to the table. on the box there stood, “to my only love, from yn” niki smiled as he thought about how you still made an effort to give him something. unbeknownst to him, you were standing right outside his door.

once he opened the box, there stood 2 bracelets. one with your name, for him, and one with his name, for you. he laughed as he remembered how he said he wanted a necklace with your initial on it. he picked up the piece of jewellery and held it in his hand. his smile slowly dropped at the thought of you not answering him anymore.

he sighed and put the bracelet back, before he closed the box he caught a glimpse of a note all the way at the bottom. he slowly picked it up and turned it around to read. it stood, “will you put the bracelet on me? - yn, p.s. look up” he furrowed his eyebrows before looking up at the door that was open.

his eyes widened. his jaw fell slack as the note in his hand fell onto the floor, long forgotten. was he seeing this right? there you were, standing in his doorway with his hoodie on. he rubbed his eyes to make sure he was seeing things right. “i promise im not fake” you said as you chuckled slightly, smiling at him.

he was frozen. his lips felt dry and so did his throat. it felt like forever since he saw you. he quickly got up and ran towards you, pulling you into his embrace tightly, placing his face into your neck. he breathed out a breath he didnt know he had. “youre here” he said into your neck. “i am baby” you whispered softly as you moved your hands from his back to his hair, softly playing with it.

niki had you in his embrace for about 5 minutes before you told him to let go of you. to his dismay, he had to. you walked out of nikis room, with a giant baby following you. you tried to grab your suitcase but was quickly denied as niki insisted he took it to his room for you.

after being rushed inti his room, he closed his door and climbed into bed, not before grabbing the bracelet box for you two. he quickly held out his hand and put the bracelet in your palm so that you could put it on for him. after you clicked in on, he grabbed your wrist and put your one on too, jus like you asked him in the note.

he then got comfortable on the bed and patted the spot next to him for you to lay. he sighed in content as he snuggled closer to you and had your hands playing with his hair.

“i hope you said thank you to jungwon for this, he was the one who helped me” you said as you looked down at niki. “i will tomorrow i promise, i jus want to spend my birthday with the person i love right now” he said with his eyes closed.

“was the reason you were ignoring me because you were traveling” niki asked after a while of silence. “yeah” you said. “sorry about that by the way, it was hard i wont lie but im here now” you continued as you looked down at him. “good, i was scared you were gonna break up with me or something” he said as he looked up at you. you frowned. “i doubt i’ll break up with you niki, youre the best” you said as you placed a kiss on his cheek. “good” he said as he laid his head back in your neck.

soon nikis breathing started to slow down indicating he was asleep. “i love you my boy, happy birthday” you whispered as you placed a kiss on his forehead. “i love you too, thank you” he said softly as he looked up at you. you smiled as you leaned down to kiss his lips. he gladly accepted it as he closed his eyes and relaxed in the kiss. he missed the taste of your cherry chapstick. you pulled away and gave him a another peck while smiling.

“lets go sleep now” you said as you pulled the covers over you both. he nodded his head before actually falling asleep this time.

ENHA permanent taglist! @soobin-chois @enhacolor @anotherimaginesaccount @hiqhkey @lil-iva @hearteyes4khloe @sunoo-bby @seung-scrittore @strwberrydinosaur @deeznutsriki @luvhooniez @ahnneyong @love-4-keum @kpoplover718 @nvertheless @02sjy @koufiles @w3bqrl @palajae @cowstiddymilk @bigtoewinwin @wtfhyuck @abdiitcryy @pshchives @kimmchijjajang @todorokiskitten @trsrina @shinsou-rii @jovibaes @yenqa @luveuly @nyfwyeonjun @ox1-lovesick @jwsflower @niktwazny303 @yjjungwon @starcubes @kkquum

[dysfunctionalaliens]

Without you- Eddie Munson

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Female Reader

Summary: The aftermath of the battle in the upside down has its effects

Warnings: Spoilers for Episode 9, Sadness, Crying, Angst, Unspoken Love, Struggling to cope, I am sorry, Mr.Munson being the best uncle ever, That damn necklace.

Word Count: I am not sure, I am sorry

A/N: So this is being fastly written during a firework show. This might not be my best work as i didnt know how to end it and man I'm not gonna lie, I was tearing up super hard writing this. Here, you guys might need this. *Hands tissues out*

Two days.

It had been two days since the attack on the Upside Down and Vecna.

Two days since you lost Eddie.

You still couldn't get the sounds of Dustin's sobs out of your head when he told you the news. Everything felt surreal as you pulled Dustin into a tight hug, needing something to keep you grounded as you slowly realized that you may have not died during the battle, but a part of you might as well have. 

"Would you like water?" You softly asked a man and his daughter sitting on a cot as they both turned their attention to you. They both took cups before thanking you, allowing you to move on.

Being without Eddie felt wrong. You had always followed him, no matter where he went or what he did. You were his shadow. Everything was wrong without him. Nothing was making sense anymore. Waking up didn't make sense anymore. 

You knew you shouldn't but you blamed yourself. Maybe if you had been with him and Dustin instead of Nancy, Robin and Steve you could have done something. Maybe Eddie would still be alive if you had been there and done something. 

But you knew the real reason why you felt such a burning hot anger and shame towards his death. Why it burned so much.

You never got to tell him the truth. You had promised yourself that after the battle, when everyone reunited that you would tell Eddie the truth. The truth you had been hiding since you were both in middle school. 

You were in love with Eddie.

You weren't sure when you had fallen for the metal head, but you knew as the years went by, you just fell deeper and deeper in love. 

You knew you weren't the best at hiding your feelings. Gareth and Jeff knew about how you really felt about the leader of the Hellfire Club. They always tried to give you opportunities to tell him but you always denied, telling them you couldn't risk ruining what you had with him.

You were content with spending the rest of your life as his best friend. Just to avoid doing anything that would ruin your relationship. You would bite your tongue for the rest of your days anytime the green monster would creep up your spine when Eddie would discuss a girl he was interested in. 

You would take any tears and nights spent crying over him with a smile. 

The pain was worth it as long as you could still have that smile of his directed at you. 

"(Y/N)?" A familiar voice brought you out of your thoughts as you turned around, nearly dropping the tray of water at sight of the person speaking to you.

"Mr.Munson?" You questioned, shocked at the sight of the man in front of you. You had heard he was looking for Eddie. Putting up posters for his nephew that was never coming home. 

Turning around, you gently put down the tray of water on a empty table space before turning to face the man.

"Did you know Eddie was dead?" His words cause your jaw to fall open in shock as you process his words. A moment passes as you stand there wordlessly.

"Yes, I did know." You stumble over your words as the man sits down on the cot behind him. You rub your sweaty hands on your pants as you move closer to him.

For a moment, he closes his eyes. Taking a deep breath before shaking his head. 

"Did you ever tell him?" 

"Tell him what?" You asked, deciding to play stupid, feeling the burn fill your eyes.

Mr.Munson gives a bitter chuckle at your words. 

"When you first walked through my front door with him, I was in shock. My Nephew wasn't one that people often approached. And I thought he was going to scare you off or someone would tell you to avoid him. But almost every single day, there you were with him." Mr.Munson opens his eyes and turns his gaze to you, letting you see the red lining his eyes and the tears threatening to fall.

"Eddie couldn't understand it either. No matter what happened or what was said, you never left. You always came back the next day, and the day after. And I knew quickly why. You looked at him like he was the only person in the world." The burning in your eyes becomes too much as tears begin to make their way down your face, staining your shirt. 

"I remember when one day, Eddie came home early. He was angry." Mr.Munson gives a sniff. "He went into his room and just screamed and screamed. When he finally spoke to me, you know what he said?" You shake your head, urging him to continue.

"Why couldn't it be me? Why him?" You know you probably look like a mess to anyone witnessing the conversation, bloodshot eyes and never ending tears. "What did he mean?" You questioned.

"Eddie had told me you had gotten yourself a boyfriend. And for some reason, it upset him. The sight of you with someone else, upset him. Scared him. He thought you were going to leave him beyond for your boyfriend. And the thought of that tore him apart." Mr.Munson paused to reach into his pocket, pulling something out and holding it out to you. 

"He would want you to have this." 

Gently reaching out, you grabbed the item from him. Eyes widening as you realize immediately what it was.

"I can't have this. You're his uncle, you should-" He raised a hand fast, cutting you off. "No, he would have wanted you to have it."

Gently running your thumb over the necklace, you couldn't hold back the sob that pushed past your lips. 

Mr.Munson stood up as you fell apart, holding onto the necklace as you sobbed. He gently wrapped his arms around you, holding you as you wailed. 

"I wish he was still here. I wish I told him." You choked out, struggling to speak due to the amount of grief consuming you. 

"I know." Mr.Munson spoke quietly, attempting to hold himself together as you both grieved over Eddie.

As you hugged him, you couldn't help but look down at the necklace clutched tightly in your hand. 

You would do anything to keep Eddie's legacy alive. And that's exactly what you were going to do.

[bridgyrose]

Hope Luna realize what she and the other humanized weapons is doing is wrong, Ruby created her by hand and cared for her more then people…like alot of people.

(Since I have two asks for this, let me combine them)

Luna gently thumbed the necklace Martyn had given her, staring into the small dust crystal in the center of the charm. Everything about Nocturne’s plan still felt off and while getting team RWBY out of the way seemed like the right way to keep them from causing trouble, it still didnt seem to add up. She had never seen them cause trouble the way Nocturne had described it, but she had a hard time trying to argue with her. 

“Luna? You’re not lost again, are you?” 

Luna paused and shook her head as she saw Blake walk up to her. She quickly put the necklace away with a smile. “No, just lost in a bit of thought. You know, classes are getting a bit tough and I need to prepare for the tournament.” 

Blake nodded and motioned for Luna to walk with her. “If you want to talk about it, I’ll listen.” 

“Thanks but I’m not sure you’d believe me if I told you what I was trying to think about.” 

“Like the fact that you and the rest of your team happen to be our weapons?” 

Luna stopped in her step, hand reaching for her pocket. “You… know?” 

“It wasnt hard to put it together. Our missing weapons, you showing up suddenly, Martyn and Ember keeping their names close to what we called them.” Blake sighed. “What I dont get is how you all managed to become-” 

“Huntresses in training?” 

“People.” 

“I’m not exactly sure I have much of an answer for that one either,” Luna said, pulling her hand from her pocket and clutching the necklace tight. “For us, it just sorta… happened. The memories of who… what I was before are practically ingrained into me. The care that Ruby put into keeping me maintained, the grimm we fought together, the practice missions we did… and yet, my first real memory is waking up from a dream.” 

Blake cocked her head. “A dream?” 

“I… dreamed of someone who claimed to have touched my soul. She gave me an offer to become human as long as I use this gift to protect humanity. And I agreed. When I woke up, I found myself here at Beacon, already enrolled with papers showing where I was from and records all made. I’m sure it was the same for my teammates but I never asked.” 

Blake nodded and ducked into an empty classroom to keep the conversation a bit more private. “But you’re our weapons. We work better together when you’re yourself-” 

“I’m more myself now than when I was just a scythe! We all are!” 

“What do you mean?” 

Luna sat down and took a moment to get the words she wanted to say. “Weapons… have souls. We’re not living, breathing things, but when a weapon is created, a piece of the huntsman’s soul is moved from them to us and it grows the more we’re used.” She looked at her reflection in the metal of the desk and smiled softly. “Its why we look the way we do. The very essence of those who created us and use us imbued into our very existence.” 

“And what’s wrong with just being a weapon?” Blake asked. “We take care of you, make sure you’re maintained, partners who depend on each other… what’s wrong with trying to live that life?” 

“Because its not our life we want to live anymore. And if you think its so easy, then you can be a weapon yourself!” 

Luna thrust the necklace into Blake’s chest and froze when she watched the necklace absorb into her and her form change into a pair of sickles connected by a chain. There was no fight, no argument, just a quick transformation and a clattering on the ground. She pulled back and nearly fell off the desk that she was sitting on as the shock of what had happened started to wear off. She jumped as her scroll rang, quickly fumbling around with it before answering. 

“Have you taken care of Ruby?” Martyn asked. 

“N-not exactly,” Luna answered. 

“Make sure to get to class on time today. We dont need you showing up late again.” 

Luna let out the breath she didnt realize she was holding as Martyn hung up. Her eyes went to the weapons sitting on the ground in front of her and her heart sank as she picked them up, the handles warm to the touch. “A-alright Luna, you… you turned one of Ruby’s teammates into a weapon. Just… just like you were told to.” She sighed and put the weapons into her backpack with shaking hands. “I’ll talk to Martyn and maybe we can call this off. There has to be another way that doesnt hurt anyone.”