#it did reach 100k words though

[dudewhy3]

august did indeed seep away like a bottle of wine, and my mammoth of a fic is still unfinished

[metalomagnetic]

Hey Metalo- the It runs series is currently 470,893 words all together; when you started writing the story, did you expect for it to become this long? Was the plot fully thought out in your head, or did it change and expand considerably? And how did the idea even come to you??!!?

Oh, not by far! I thought It run would have around 100K words, at best!

My problem is that I never outline. I always know the beginning, the end, and some major plot points to connect the two, but that's it.

It runs became so huge, because, as I wrote, I started falling in love with the characters. Or just found myself needing to flesh them out. So, in my head, I knew Marlene exists and she'll be with Sirius and Bella would kill her, I knew that from the get go- but, as I started writing, from chapter to chapter, I liked Marlene more and more, and then I thought- wait, Sirius needs to be very close to her (and so does the reader) for her death to mean something. And there you go- 50k just on Marlene! And same goes for Peter, Rabastan, Rodolphus etc.

Other plot points evolved naturally, and then I had to shift my initial ideas to incorporate them. For example, I really thought Sirius choosing to abandon the Order would go differently- I had another vague plan in mind, which I kept until literally two chapter before I decided on a different path.

And most of Voldemort/Sirius scenes come to me when I sit down to write a chapter- almost none were planned beforehand. I just get an idea and think 'oh, this would be fun for Sirius and Voldemort' and then I go to write it, but some need set up, so I build a set up, and there you go, another 20k out of nowhere.

The werewolf wedding almost didn't happen. The chapter was ready to publish, when I was speaking with a friend about werewolves in HP, and a possible Greyback/Voldemort, and then I thought- you know what, It runs could have some werewolves in it, it would make the world feel more real. Hmm, how to incorporate them? Oh, what if Voldemort drags Sirius to a pack event and Sirius shifts into Padfoot? That would be funny. So then I wrote it, found ways to incorporate it, and that was that. (It was pretty much the same with the vampires. Last minute decisions). Only both these scenes then spiralled into other scenes, and so forth.

As for how the idea for It runs even came to me- Sirius was always my favourite character, but I gave up on him in fandom. He's still my favourite though, along with the Black family. So I really wanted to write him and explore his relationship with family, but then I didn't know who to pair him with. Remus is out of the question for me, James would make it completely AU (and I do like a general air of canon compliance) so I really didn't know who would fit with him. Why not Voldemort, I thought, my other favourite character, who I was already comfortable writing? And then I wrote the sex scene, just to try it out, see if they have chemistry. And oh, they did! (The sex scene in Norway was the first ever scene I wrote for It runs). After that, I started thinking about a general plot, and that was that. (Fun fact, it took me like 300k words to reach the sex scene in Norway, once I started writing the story😂)

Anyway, I didn't mean for this answer to be so long- you see my problem and tendency to say too much? That explains my novel length chapters.

[albatris]

rentalcar update!

it's been a hot minute since I did one of these!

today's word count is 75,595...... uh oh! "but it was over 100k a few weeks ago, monday!" yes my process is mysterious and unknowable

today I got a lot of work done due to the being at my friend's house where we just sit around and vibe together. I'm really happy with my progress!

today's mood is a severe lack of sleep and today's jam is "little lies you're told" by joywave

taglist and today's excerpt under the cut! it's jumbly and unedited sowwy

She settled on the couch and immediately sprawled herself out, bringing her legs up onto the cushions and cuddling right up to him, her head nestling down on his shoulder. Nat’s heart pounded in his chest in a rhythm he was certain she could hear. Was she coming onto him? What was this? Why was she so close?

The movie seemed to be about a zombie invasion of a small town in Pennsylvania, but Nat was finding it hard to pay attention. Partially tiredness from his night of work and the emotional stress he was under. Partially his hyper-awareness of Ripley’s presence. The longer the movie wound on, though, and the longer Ripley stayed like that, leaning herself against him all cosy, the more Nat suspected that she was simply just more physically affectionate than he was. What had the care package said about vampires and physical contact? They liked it, right?

Did he like this?

Maybe she would think his pounding heart was just exhilaration from the jump-scares, from watching so many zombie heads get blown off, so many entrails get ripped out. The movie was exceptionally gory. He was—uncomfortable. But he was almost always uncomfortable. He found himself wishing he was home cuddling his cat instead, but he almost always wished he was home instead of out. Even when he was enjoying himself, he was never truly enjoying himself.

Did he like this?

Nat tried to untangle his emotions. Fear, shame, guilt, stress, paranoia—oh, there was relief here, too. Relief and affection. Small flutterings of it. Nat exhaled and tried to release all his tension. He did like this. He hated it, but he liked it.

“What—what’s that thing called?” he asked during one of the movie’s lulls in action. “That thing that gets all up in your brain. The Greeble. The Gerbil.”

Ripley wheezed, laughing. “The Garble?”

“That’s the bastard.”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Do you believe in it?”

“I don’t… not believe in it… I guess.” Ripley reached up to pat Nat’s face, ruffle his hair, playfully. “I mean, do I believe there’s something alive in vampire bodies? Like, wriggling around in the blood and stuff? Something that gives us our power and demands life force in return? Abso-fucking-lutely. Do I believe in—in some big spiritual vampire hivemind god that connects us all? Not really. I think it’s just—a way certain people have of wrapping their heads around the physical. It’s like a comforting delusion, maybe." She stopped for a breath. "Do you believe in the Garble?”

“I don’t know,” Nat said. “I haven’t decided yet. It talks to me. I can feel a presence sometimes. It could be something alive in me, like a parasite. Or it could be a big hivemind god.”

Ripley nodded thoughtfully.

“My friend Alex thinks it’s a spiritual thing, I think,” Nat said. “I wouldn’t call it a delusion exactly. I’ve been delusional. Religion is different.”

“Does your friend think it has, like, a purpose?” Ripley asked. “That’s what I always ask that trips people up. If it’s a religion, if it’s spiritual, what’s the point? What does it all mean? What’s the higher purpose?”

“I dunno. I’ll ask next time I see him, maybe.”

“Here’s a hint: there isn’t a higher purpose,” Ripley said. “It’s all just—just a fucked up medical condition.”

“If it’s a medical condition, why is no one working towards a cure?”

“You think vampires are running around offering themselves up for medical research? We’re not human anymore. If we told people what we really are, that we’re monsters, we’d get cut up into teeny tiny pieces by the government for sure.”

To emphasise Ripley’s point, the lead of the movie ran a chainsaw through a zombie’s decaying chest.

“Yeah,” Nat agreed. “Best not.”

@transmasc-wizard @saturn-iidae @polyaubergine @tracle0 @goosemixtapes @valence-positive @the-one-who-makes-negative-noise @ambiguousfiction @afoolandathief @silverwarewolf @mecharose @vellichor-virgo @plasticseaslug @jetstargenderfuckery @multi-lefaiye @writeouswriter @junoshusband @writing-is-a-martial-art @midnight-and-his-melodiverse @sleepycaprine @cream-and-tea @gailynovelry @lefttigerobservation @indecentpause @somealienquill @cannivalisms @violetfoxsketches @approximately20eggs @mohluskiepedard @desastreus @kk7-rbs @cee-grice @northwyrm @xylophonicsynapse @careful-pyromancer @recapitulation @incandescent-creativity @whole-buncha-snakess @mysticalalleycat @thatonecrowguy @va-nila-bean @televisionjester @excessive-vampires @walkman-cat

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #38 | 2.27.24 ๋࣭⭑

How is it already almost March omfg.

Anyways Happy Valentine's Day month!!! This year, I was swamped with work, so I didn't get a chance to make Valentine's Day art. I did make a Valentine's piece last year though.

BUT we did have beloved @magunalafay make these Valentine's Day cards this year for the community!!! <3 If you missed it, well Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!

She made these as a gift, and I love her very much. Maguna u r so talented

This month was pretty busy for me, but I'm super happy with the progress made this month ^^ I feel like I've started the year off in a pretty good groove after it being all over the place for a hot second, yay!!!

This past month, Etza and Druk's routes. With the revamped demo finishing its revisions, it left a lot more time for me to focus writing on full route development.

If you missed the announcement, I FINISHED Etza's first draft!!! YAAAYYY!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!

That means 4/6 routes are finished in terms of the base writing, which is so exciting to MEEEEE. I've always seen Etza's draft as The Milestone because with their route finished, it would mean the four Central routes are done writing. And to me, while there's a good chuck of writing left, we are nearing the end of it.

There's only two routes left and that means it's about ~100k words which is CRAZY compared to when I had ~300k to write (:cries:). Even if that sounds like a lot, once I start chipping away at those routes, that 100k goes into the "double digits" aka 90k...80k... etc. and that makes me want to pee my pants

We also finished editing Druk's route, yay!!! So we reached a lot of milestones this month ^^

We are nearing the end of the Vui background commissions. It's very bittersweet; I'm so used to mentioning him in my devlogs now </3 There's only like 3(?) more BGs left for him to make, and then all of the BGs for the game will be finished. Very Wild! I think Alaris will have 25ish BGs, and they are all Stunning.

It's been a while since I showed you all a BG, so I'll give you all a preview of one I just got in!

Isn't it cozy? Guess whose house hehe

I personally have been doing a lot of sprite work this month to finish the final art assets for the demo. I added some expressions to Druk and Aisa that I'd been procrastinating (I don't even know why I was procrastinating them). And I finally finished Mom and Kimura's updated sprites! Patreon already saw them, but I'll show the new versions here too ^^

Preview of Mom (left) and Kimura (right) updated sprites. Now everyone's sprite styles are cohesive YAY!!

Aside from sprite work, much of my "art" time has been on finishing up/putting together the last of the screens for the GUI. Specifically, I got THIS BABY up and running. She is my crowning glory.

Memory Screen to Replay Unlocked Free Time Dates

Oh my god.... You all have NO IDEA how much of a pain this was to code. There is a transparency gradient going on in the left and right B&W previews (courtesy of community programming angel feniks/shawna).

And then the effort to have the Titles and Descriptions of the Previewed Date change tilted me on Multiple Occasions. But we finally got it to work thanks to bestie @siyo-koy pointing out I just coded one stupid "if" statement wrong LJAFSLIEFJIEJ. But the effort was WORTH IT because I'm so proud of her!!! I hope you all like it too as a way to relive Free Time Dates. I had a lot of fun with the Titles and descriptions.

I also put together the Stats and Affection Screens

Preview of Personality Stats & Affection Screens

So I coded both of them a bit differently from each other. The Personality Screen shows you a breakdown of your traits so far. Think of it like a pie graph! So in the preview picture, your choices indicate you are 33% Brave, 16% Charismatic, etc. I felt like this was a more natural way to portray personality rather than how many bravery points you've collected so far!

And then for Affection, it works in a more traditional way, where it counts it based on how many you've gotten out of the total amount you can get. This way, as the story progresses, how close you are to the person reflects how much your relationship as developed!

I've also added little descriptions underneath each that change depending on the percentage. So for example, if you have gotten 82% of the affection points for Kuna'a, the description of your relationship might change as well hehe

Other than that, I've mainly focused on getting the demo together. We released the beta demo earlier this month (? LOL). And the feedback has been so kind!!

A lot of this month was spent polishing so that the demo can be ready for early access and eventually public release. I updated sprites, made sure music crossfades with each other so that transitions between soundtracks feel smoother, I added/polished all of the screens I needed to (e.g., Memory Room, Full Credits, Cleaning Music Room, Adding Stats Screens), and I FINALLY as of yesterday added the Voiced Lines!!

One thing I added in the Extended Demo that I'm really happy with is the use of Extended Pronouns (courtesy of Angel Feniks). Below is a preview of how it works now!

Preview of Extended Pronouns Function. Credit to Feniks

Basically, you can choose multiple pronouns for yourself, including custom pronouns (e.g., xe/xem, fae/faer, etc.). On top of that, you can choose how often you'd like the pronouns to alternate (e.g., every line versus every scene) and what kind of terms you'd like to be used for you (e.g., neutral vs. masculine vs. feminine)!

Overall, the demo is getting closer and closer to release!!! Early Access will hopefully be ready by the end of this week or next, so if you all would like access to it, please feel free to subscribe to my Patreon for this upcoming month! Available to Wyvern tier ($5) and up.

I didn't have any time to really play any games this month because I was drowning in work LMFAOSLJIEF. I did play the Threads of Bay demo by @lavendeerstudios and it was GORGEOUS! Very cute game with lovable characters and charming visuals. Andrew, I will have your number

Every other section was really long, so I'm going to throw it here even though it's not market research. But Intertwine recently hit 600 ratings, which is crazy. Thank you for still enjoying that game even if it's not one that is my main focus anymore. I'm really happy people still like it :on the verge of tears:

Anyways, this has been a long devlog. Here's to continuing to Ball in March. Hope you all have a great rest of your month, and I'll talk to you soon! <3

[plusultraetc]

Fic Writer Interview

Thank you so much @starlightbelle for tagging me!! If there are any One Piece fans following this blog, I highly recommend Belle's fics!

-- How many works do you have on AO3?

Officially I have 18, but it's 19 if you include the Star Wars au (my beloved). I haven't taken it out of the anonymous collection yet because I promised myself I would only do so when I posted the second chapter, but I still count it in my head!

-- What's your total AO3 word count?

95,613 :') I know that's nothing compared to some writers, but I am unreasonably pleased with it. I'm wondering if I should do something fun when I break 100k, which should hopefully be soon with chapter 2 of 'now i'm glad i get forever' 🤞

-- What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

there's no good tricks but old ones

i'll take what i can get, i'll take what i am given

you've got no fear of the underdog

write me a list of how it is

every battle, every day

-- Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do!! I'm a smidge behind on literally everything this month, but I eventually respond to them all <3 I really do appreciate every single comment, they literally make my entire week and sometimes it takes me so long to reply because I am editing my response four hundred times to take out all of the !!!s.

(I also love getting to talk to others in the fandom, even if it's just for a single exchange--MHA is actually the Most Involved I've ever been in a fandom, and I've met so many really cool people by commenting and replying to comments on fics!! Thank you ao3 comments section, I love you ao3 comments section.)

-- What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm this is tough bc I don't write a lot of angsty endings, and most of my fics are canon compliant anyway so the angst is relative? With this in mind, it's probably 'there's no good tricks but old ones'--it's one of my only fics where there isn't some kind of emotional breakthrough or connection reached (or even the start of one) and it's pre-Paranormal Liberation War arc so we all know Hawks is headed for A Really Bad Time 😬

-- What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

All of them,, but I did write about Shinsou finding out he'd been accepted into the hero course in 'every battle, every day' which might take the cake (Brian from TAZ voice I'm so proud of them etc)

-- Do you write crossovers?

Do crossovers have to include characters from another media? Bc I've written aus set in other universes, but none of the characters from them appear 🤔

-- Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Thankfully no! I did once receive a comment that was just like. A Statement with no tonal indicators, In All Caps, but I'm 99% sure it was meant to be taken positively. okay 98% sure.

-- Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope! (I also don't read E-rated fics even though I get so many interesting looking recommendations with that rating 😭 If you've ever recommended me an E-rated fic and I just never brought it up again I'M SORRY)

-- Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of?

-- Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also no!

-- Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I think it would be fun :D

-- What's your all-time favorite ship?

It feels like cheating to say erasermic on the MHA blog, but like. I'm going to say erasermic on the MHA blog. I don't think I'd ever written anything for a ship in my life before them. To be loved is to be changed but to have a ship is also to be changed.

-- What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Never say never but rip time travel fic lol.

-- What are your writing strengths?

IF I SAY SOMETHING YOU DISAGREE WITH LOOK AWAY. But. I think I write good dialogue, especially banter, and that I am occasionally funny. I also think I'm pretty good at describing places, but only if I have a clear mental image of them, so I feel like you can always tell when I'm not sure what a room looks like (which is most of the time).

-- What are your writing weaknesses?

Second-guessing and self-doubting myself into genuine writing paralysis. Also internal monologue/narration, like a character thinking about and articulating their feelings :')

-- What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I'm a little confused about this question?? But I also only speak one language fluently so I can't do this anyway 😭

-- What was the first fandom you wrote for?

When my sister and I were kids we used to pick our favorite characters from a bunch of different movies/books/shows and tell stories about them all going on some kind of gigantic crossover adventure, so it was probably something along the lines of 'Scooby-Doo, Batman, and Jedidiah from Night at the Museum vs Firelord Ozai'

-- What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I have a few Demon Slayer WIPs I'd love to figure out one day!

-- What's your favorite fic you've written?

This question is so hard bc like. Does it mean my favorite fic while I was working on it, or my favorite result? The fic that was easiest to write, or most difficult but most worth it?? The fic I've reread the most, or the fic I'm afraid to reread in case it doesn't live up to the memory I have of it??? Can I do a top 3????

This was so much fun!! (even though it did give me several small crises staring at my stats page--run 'i'll take what i can get, i'll take what i am given,' 'there's no good tricks but old ones' is right behind you!!) No-pressure tagging @machiroads @blinkeasy @kyurilin @karliahs @poppy5991 @ifyougoillfollow and anyone else who sees this & wants to participate!! I was scrolling through my following tab but omg it's a long list so I def missed some writers 😭

[thelonelyshore-if]

I reached 30k words for chapter 1 p2 tonight. I can't believe how long this is getting...though I guess it isn't that surprising. I always write way too much. I did this to myself tbh.

Once it's finished, the combined chapter 1 will be well over 100k words total which. Oof. I hope it's as fun to play as it has been to write.

[shibaraki]

STATUS UPDATES:

➯ FICSFORGAZA [!]

I am currently dealing with a family emergency and my ma has been rushed into hospital so I’ll be offline until things calms down, and progress on wips will slow considerably. I’m really sorry guys

➯ GOING INTO 2024

2023 has been rough for me in all manner of ways but I will say it has been very fruitful with regards to my writing. I managed surpass my goal of 100k words, reaching an unfathomable 150k at present, and I’ve even managed to hit a big milestone when it comes to my following! I’m extremely grateful to all my readers, both those that have stuck with me and those who are new, and I wish I had adequate words to really express that. but going into 2024 I will likely be writing less frequently than I did this year. this is due to my own health, and a multitude of other problems that I can no longer keep on the back burner.

plenty of you have seen mentions of hospital visits and procedures on my blog, and while I’m not very comfortable oversharing about medical stuff I do want to be transparent about the fact that I will be posting fics less because of it. I’ve been in and out of semi hiatus for the better part of 4 months but I was always awful at sticking to it. next year I want to actually give myself grace, and take care of my body.

please do not fear!!! this resolution actually aligns perfectly with my writing goals for 2024. I want to focus on lengthening my word counts. I’d love to post fewer fics, but to have said fics be 25 to 50k respectively, rather than to post a lot of 1 to 15k fics. mostly I want to work on my own impatience when it comes to writing, and berate myself less for what I think I should be doing writing-wise. I will still be around on here, and I always want to talk with you guys (and read whenever the mood strikes!!), the biggest difference is I’ll have longer projects, and you’ll have to wait for them (though if I’m honest I will likely still post a shorter fic here and there lol).

I appreciate the patience a lot of you have already shown me this year, what with my random breaks and gaps between posting. you have all been so so kind and generous with your praise and I wouldn’t be here, writing and sharing, without that support. I love you all and wish you well going into the new year!!!!!

[shewhowas39]

pairing: Astarion x f!durge (June)/OC fic summary: in which Astarion's nice, simple plan crumbles when he falls for a neutral good, cinnamon roll of a divination wizard who may or may not be a Bhaalspawn.

chapter title: Symptom of Your Touch chapter summary: in which Shadowheart gets to say "i told you so," and Astarion gets drunk on a bear. content warnings: drinking/intoxication

A/N: ahhh! we're at 100k words! i cannot believe we're this far in! thank you all so much for sticking with me this far! <3 <3

***

PREVIEW

“There you are! My friend!” He gives a chortling laugh before leaning down to pick up the sponge. His movements are broad and somewhat clumsy for the otherwise very graceful vampire.

“At your service,” June replies. 

“Are you now? Don’t make promises you can’t keep, darling!” He giggles again, followed by an actual hiccup.  

June glances at the blood and the torn shirt.  She reaches out with a hand and casts Prestidigitation to clean the blood, though she does not cast Mending, remembering what Astarion once told her about enjoying the process of repairing his own clothing.

“You all right?” she asks.

“Oh, I’m fine.” He leans in, red eyes twinkling with life. “I found a bear. He took a little of my blood. I took all of his.” He giggles again, swaying on his feet slightly. 

“You drank a whole bear?” 

“I sure did!” 

June isn’t sure if she’s meant to be horrified or impressed. So she settles for both. 

“Sounds like awful dangerous prey.”

“So is any meal worth having. It’s nothing compared to…well, other things I could be dining on.” His gaze travels down her neck, her chest, her stomach, and settles on her thighs, causing June to shiver despite the humid summer heat. After a moment, he looks back up to her face. “But significantly better than the rats and bugs Cazador served me.”

She remembers the night Astarion bit her, the moment of connection between their tadpoles, and the putrid taste of rat blood in her mouth while someone laughed cruelly nearby. 

“You won’t have to do that again,” she assures him.

[rollercoasterwords]

hi! thank you for the kind words, i'm happy you're enjoying the fic. but i also want to use this message as an opportunity to talk about something/set a boundary that i haven't really known how to discuss, and i've blocked out your name because even though i'm not angry or upset with you, i want to make sure i'm not sending any hate back your way. 

i know that this message is well-intentioned, and i know you likely think it's nothing but a compliment to ask me to write more--after all, you're only asking me to write more because you enjoy the story so much! shouldn't that be a nice thing for me to hear? 

and like. i think that's why this is difficult for me to talk about. i don't want to come across as ungrateful or overly sensitive or like i don't appreciate the compliments, because i do. but at the same time, hearing someone say, "please write more of this fic for me, i love your writing so much!" is still hearing someone say "please write more of this fic for me!" like. 300,000 words is incredibly long. most novels are between 70k-100k words. a 300k word book usually takes years to write--years, and hundreds of hours of labor. maybe you chose that number randomly, or you're exaggerating for emphasis; but no matter how nicely you're phrasing it or how facetious you're being, ultimately this sort of message still puts pressure on me to produce a massive amount of writing in a short period of time. and even if you meant it as a compliment, it doesn't feel nice to me. being pressured to churn out hundreds of thousands of words makes me feel as though i'm being seen as a content-creation machine for the entertainment of others, and i don't like that. writing is a labor of love for me, but it is still labor--hours of time and effort that i'm putting into these works which i share for free, with no expectations of anything in return except maybe a few kind words from those who feel like reaching out. when i get messages or comments like this pushing me to write more, to write faster, it makes me feel as though my time and labor are not respected at all; as if there's absolutely no consideration for the amount of effort it takes to write the stories. which, again, makes me feel like i'm being viewed as some sort of fic-writing machine that can just pump out hundreds of thousands of words on demand for others' entertainment.

and none of this is helped by the tongue-in-cheek comment about how you're "suffering" waiting for updates. again, i understand that this was well-intended and maybe even a playful exaggeration that's supposed to be complimentary. but there are ways to tell me you enjoy my writing and eagerly wait for updates without telling me how much you dislike waiting between chapters. posting once a week is already a difficult schedule for me to maintain, and it's entirely possible that i'll need to take another break in the future or skip a week or something. i've been very clear about the fact that my update schedule is subject to change since i started writing the fic; that's just part of reading a wip. but when i get messages or comments like these with people telling me how they don't like waiting for updates, or comments directly asking me to post more than once a week, or--back when i did take a break--comments begging me not to take a break, it all adds together and builds up and creates this pressure to write more, write faster, post the new ch now now now. if you were the only person making this type of comment, it probably wouldn't bother me and i'd just respond and go "thanks lol" and move on. but the problem is that you aren't the only one--since more people have started reading the fic, i've consistently been getting comments like these, where the backhanded pressure to write more or write faster is couched in compliments. it's just so hard to wait for updates because i love your writing so much! i just want you to write more and post now and write faster because i love your writing so much! i know it's all well-intended, but none of it makes me feel good. it just makes me feel a mounting pressure to produce produce produce.

i feel like there are so many conversations happening in this fandom about how we need to treat writers better, where people go "the fandom is so shitty" and everyone goes "yeah!" but no one ever thinks they're part of the problem. and i think it's because everyone thinks the problem is like...really blatantly rude and entitled messages. and like, i get those too--people telling me they don't like a certain characterization and asking me to rewrite the fic; people repeatedly demanding that i write a certain fic for them; people just outright shitting on things i've written because they don't like it and for some reason think i want to know that. but none of that is super common. what is super common is the steady stream of comments and messages like this one, where they are so well-intended and don't see anything wrong with what they're saying because they think they're giving me a compliment. but all these "compliments" build up and create this pressure that hangs over my head to be constantly producing and writing, which is ultimately what leads to burnout and also makes me feel like i'm not being seen as a person so much as a machine. 

so like. idk. i'm not gonna try to speak for every writer in the fandom; maybe there are people out there who do appreciate this kind of message, who feel like it motivates them to write. but for me, i want to make it clear: i really don't appreciate being asked to write more or write faster or to write a certain trope/ship/etc; i am not a waiter taking your order at a restaurant. writing fic is not a service i'm providing for you that you pay me for in comments or kudos or messages or any sort of attention, because i am not writing for that attention in the first place. so when it comes to interacting with me, i'd ask that you reevaluate the way you give compliments and think about what sort of pressure you're putting on me, regardless of how well-intentioned your message is. again, no hard feelings towards you--like i said, this message probably wouldn't even register as pressuring to me if not for the fact that i get so many little comments like it, all from equally well-intentioned people who think they're just giving a compliment, all of which builds up together. 

anyway. all that being said. to answer your question: the fic will likely be four parts, not three as i originally intended. it will probably end up somewhere between 100-200k words based on the fact that we're already at 80k and i've only just started part iii, but i am not going to put pressure on myself to write a certain amount of words or hit a certain length. i'm just going to write what i want to write when i want to write, and share it as i want to share it. i'm happy to have you along if you want to be here, but if the cliffhangers or waiting for updates becomes too unenjoyable for you then there's no pressure for you to stay, yknow? no hard feelings on my end either way :•)

[decks-writing-blog]

Gordon Swap: Chapter One: Vanished

Summary: Instead of throwing him into the trash compacter, the soldiers decide to throw Gordon into another one of Black Mesa's experiments.

After cutting off his hand, the soldiers decide to throw Gordon into another one of Black Mesa's experiments.

[A/N] Another fic that got out of hand length wise. This one I thought was gonna be 4-5 chapters at most. I just finished chapter 7 today and it's still going however. This isn't gonna spiral into another 24 chapter, 100k+ words fic though, I got the end goal planned and it's in sight even if i don't yet know how many more chapters are going to be needed to reach it. Because of that and how long I've been working on it, the itch to start uploading it is strong so I'm doing so.

As is often the case when I write HL Gordon I need to include a quick Content Warning; he's the reason for the 'temporary character death' tag. When he dies, time goes back and he's alive again, deaths are depicted and he thinks about manually resetting (aka killing himself) a few times but doesn't do so (as of where I'm writing now, I will give an updated warning if such occurs when uploading the chapter in question).

~

Voices roused Gordon, indecipherable under the ringing in his ears. He needed to wake up, get a move on. What his mission was exactly he couldn’t quite recall currently but it was important.

He cracked open an eye. Blank concrete ceiling moved above him like a treadmill. … No, it wasn’t moving, he was. Hands grasped his ankles, dragging him across the floor to… where? Probably nowhere good, especially since he had no idea who was dragging him. He should really do something about it.

“… toss him into that closet thingy that vanished Larry,” one of the voices said, becoming clearer.

“Eh, I don’t know ‘bout that. Larry already fucked up by messing with that, don’t know if we should too.”

“Maybe it’ll give us Larry back if we vanish him. Even if it don’t, won’t have to be concerned with the body, eh?”

“Suppose it’s worth a shot.”

They had to be talking about vanishing Gordon, right? If so, he should really do something to stop this. A lot of Black Mesa’s experiments could be dangerous. If this one had already vanished one person, messing with it wasn’t wise. But… it was hard to care as much as he should. The ringing was coming back, threatening to send him under again. His body and thoughts were too heavy to properly fight it.

That was fine though. He’d die and everything would reset. Bad but he was starting to get used to it.

***

Voices roused Gordon, indecipherable under the ringing in his ears. Everything hurt, his arm in particular. Every little bump and jolt sent a stab of pain through it.

He opened his eyes. Blank concrete ceiling went by above him as he was dragged down the hallway. Hands grasped his ankles seemingly dragging him over every imperfection on the floor big enough to jostle his arm. Why did it hurt so bad? … Maybe it was a good thing to not remember.

But if they were going to drag him the least they could’ve done was secure his arm better. Why were they dragging him anyway? Couldn’t they have just woken him like normal people? … They weren’t normal people though, were they?

“… toss him into that closet thingy that vanished Gary,” one of the voices said, becoming clearer. That wasn’t one of Gordon’s traveling companions.

“Eh, I don’t know ‘bout that. Gary already fucked up by messing with that, don’t know if we should too.” Another stranger.

Who were these people and why were they dragging Gordon and more importantly where were they dragging him to?

“Maybe it’ll give us Gary back if we vanish him. Even if it don’t, won’t have to be concerned with the body, eh?”

“Suppose it’s worth a shot.”

That sounded bad. Gordon should do something to stop this. Everything hurt though, especially his hand. He’d much rather just drift back off again to escape the pain and memory of why it hurt so bad. Already the ringing in his head was coming back. He didn’t fight it. If he died who would care anyway?

***

Gordon opened his eyes to darkness. The concrete was pleasantly cool beneath his head but that’s about all that could be said in favor of it. With no small amount of effort he pushed himself up into a sitting position.

Light came in from under a door to his left. Standing, he stumbled his way over to it. Luckily it was unlocked, allowing him to pull it open and let light spill into the room. He was in one of the office labs. Not one he was familiar with but he’d already traveled through several places in the facility he’d never been to before.

Stepping out into hall, he looked up and down it, trying to get his bearings. … Nope, he still had no idea where he was. However, a trail of dried blood came down from the left, turning to go into the room across from him. Not enough to indicate an immediately fatal wound but enough that it could potentially turn fatal if left untended for too long. He could help and potentially get some direction.

He strode into the room. The light was already on, revealing it to be mostly empty. An experiment room. Said experiment was undoubtedly the metal chamber in the center about the size and shape of a outhouse. Its door hung slightly open, letting a small stream of smoke out. The blood trail led to it.

Gordon approached and pulled the door the rest of the way open. Empty. Nodes ran up and down its interior walls, several of which were the source of the smoke. Whatever the machine had once done, it was probably broken now.

At the bottom of the chamber more blood had collected. Maybe this was the start of the blood trail? … No, it looked like it was still in the process of congealing. Whereas the stuff in the hall had soaked into the concrete and dried. What fate might’ve befallen the injured fellow, Gordon couldn’t even begin to guess.

He could reset to save them though. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d done so for a stranger. Heck, he’d gone all the way back to the start to save as many as he possibly could. So he was basically obligated to. Plus he could avoid being ambushed this time. Though, if he did that how would he find his way back here to stop whoever this was from wandering into a strange experiment? Damn it.

Also as he reached for his pistol, he found nothing. It was missing. A quick check revealed all his weapons to be gone, including the crowbar. Damn it even more. He was defenseless.

Once upon a time not having a weapon was his preferred state of being. Knowing how to use a gun didn’t mean an accident couldn’t happen. Now though it made his blood run cold. He was defenseless. He needed a weapon.

Turning, he fast walked out of the room and back into the hall. There was a health and power station a bit further down. He went to it to top off the HEV suit’s medical and power systems. Headache already easing, he could think a bit clearer.

Finding a gun shouldn’t be hard. He’d found several already. They’d never been uncommon in the facility, not to mention the military bringing in more. So he was going to be fine and on his way to the Lambda Lab again in no time.

The machine on the wall beeped, indicating he’d drained it. Pressing the button on the side of the suit’s collar brought up the helmet. A moment later, its onscreen display switched on, revealing its power level to be 78% and its medical gel capacity to be at 60%. See? He was in good shape thus he was going to be fine.

Lowering the helmet once more he stepped back from and looked up and down the hall once more. With no way of knowing which direction the Lambda Lab lay in he had about a 50/50 chance of going the wrong way. The blood trail indicated something dangerous down that way though so he turned and started down the opposite direction. Hopefully he’d find something that would give him a better sense of direction soon.

***

Gordon woke to darkness, pain, and and deep insistent wrongness in his right hand. He’d much rather roll over and go back to sleep to escape back into nothingness but once the hurt took root, it refused to be ignored so easily. Whimpering, he pushed himself into a sitting position with his good hand.

To his right, light came in from under a door. Holding his injured hand to his chest, he struggled to his feet so he could stumble over to it. Luckily it was unlocked, allowing him to awkwardly pull it open, letting the hall light spill in. He was in one of the office labs. Not one he was familiar with but he’d already traveled through several places in the facility he’d never been to before.

Unfortunately the light also made the temptation to look down at his hand almost impossible to ignore. Not that there was even a hand to look at because it was gone, replaced with a bloody stump. The HEV suit’s medical systems had tried to heal it but there was almost so much medical gel could do for a missing hand.

With another whimper, he looked up and stepped out into the hall. “Uh… guys?” His voice croaked, not quite reaching a normal speaking volume. Not that it mattered because there was no response. He was alone.

The door across from him was open, the light on inside. He stepped over and peeked inside. … An experiment room. In the center was said experiment; a metal chamber about the size and shape of a outhouse. Its door hung slightly open, letting out a small stream of smoke. Gordon wanted nothing to do with whatever it might be so he pulled back into the hall.

“Tommy!” He managed to make his voice a bit louder this time. “Dr. Coomer!”

No response. They’d betrayed him so that wasn’t surprising. Or at least Bubby and Benrey and seemed to be actively involved in that considering all their whispered scheming beforehand and being friendly with the military. Tommy and Dr. Coomer might’ve been in on it too though, especially since they’d stood and watched. Hard to say for sure but either way, they weren’t here. Regardless of if only some or all of them had actively betrayed him, they’d all left him for dead.

A bit further down the hall was a health and power station. Oh thank god. He fast walked over to it. “Please, please, please have some juice, please.” It made a sound as he plugged in. “Oh, thank god.”

Immediately the suit started trying to heal his arm again. It couldn’t grow back the lost hand but it did ease the throbbing pain and slow the drip of blood even further until it wasn’t actively bleeding anymore, allowing him to breath and think a bit easier.

His hand was gone though. Chopped off and tossed aside. And a quick check revealed he didn’t have a gun or anything else to defend himself with. Even if he did though his dominant hand was gone so he wouldn’t have been able to do much anyway. He was screwed, wasn’t he? Doomed.

The machine on the wall beeped, indicating he’d drained it. He fumbled at the HEV suit’s collar with his good hand – eh, good hand, more like his only remaining hand because the other one was gone – until he found the button on that side that activated the helmet. A moment later its onscreen display switched on, revealing its power level to be 50% and its medical gel capacity to be at 20%. Hey look at that, even after healing his stump as much as it could, there was still some healing juice left in the suit. Not much but enough that he wasn’t in as bad a shape as he would’ve thought.

Deactivating the helmet, he stepped back and looked around. What was he supposed to do now? … More than before, he wanted to go home. Not that home was even likely intact anymore since the whole facility seemed to be fucked. But right now his only options were to lie down and wait to die alone or pick a direction, start walking, and hope for the best. Naturally he chose the latter.

~

Next Chapter

[goodluckclove]

The thing that's keeping me from writing is pressure from myself. Pressure to write faster. Pressure to write more. Sometimes it's like a vise against my throat that makes me dread writing and makes me do whatever I could to avoid it. Sometimes I meet my own expectations, and that's like a curse in itself, because the hungry monster inside me craves for more. It is never enough. That's toxic productivity for you.

I think I'm getting better at handling it. Getting better at being kinder to myself. Not really looking for advice, just sharing. :3

Yeah man first off - mood. Here's the thing I learned though, and I'm glad you're the first person to bring this up to me because I feel more comfortable being a bit more blunt to you.

So like, toxic productivity does not make your work...better? It just means you have more of it. And eventually you can go back and recraft the initial work you did to make it solid and cool and fun, but at that point you're essentially the car that was swerving through lanes to get ahead faster, only to end up stuck at the same stoplight as everybody else.

I have that monster too, and sometimes it helps to ask it it's motivation. Why is it so hungry? What does it think will happen if you write slower, or stop writing at all for a few days?

It might be that you think if you stop for too long you'll lose the ability to write forever. That's not true but if you think that I don't think I'm the person that can convince you otherwise.

Or maybe it tells you that writing is the most important thing to do in life and nothing else comes close in terms of interest in satisfaction. That's also not true, but that's what my monster tells me so I don't really have any strategies other than ignoring it.

I can tell you from experience, and on a solely practical level, that your monster likely wants you to create at a level that is not physically sustainable. I wrote 220K words in three months making Blind Trust and in that process gave myself tendonitis to the extent where my wife had to open my medication bottles at night.

People see a hardworking writer and they might go yup, that's just how it looks! When I told Wife that they had the full authority to tell me to stop writing whenever I wanted they laughed and told me they would never do that. Then they watched me write for twelve hours straight without eating or getting up to go to the bathroom. This happened multiple times. That's the point where their perspective when from that's just how it looks to oh it seems my spouse has some sort of obsession that might prove to be a problem.

I have pretty bad carpal tunnel because of the amount I write. That's just a thing that develops from repetitive hand motions like typing. I'm supposed to do stretches but those are hard to remember. I'm attempting to get better, but so far the best I can do is remember to break for lunch now.

What I mean to say is, I know drive. Drive will drive you right off a goddamned cliff. Your craft is like a Tesla Cybertruck in that it's a marvel of existence and also it's likely profoundly broken in a few key ways that could get you or someone else killed.

I don't have the kind of advice I have for this like I do other things - but you aren't looking for advice, which is good. I'm mainly using you as a way to reach out to other writers here with similar issues. Because it happens, especially when you start young. Especially when you pick it up quick. But you got to get a handle on it. Otherwise you're one of those guys that says they love that they spent 100k on a truck that's completely inoperable if an issue comes up on the app you need to drive it.

(light roast but it's you rk so i'm assuming you're down for it)

(i love you rk)

[sacharowan]

fic writer interview!!! tagged by @brawngp2009 ty <33

How many works do you have on ao3?

23!! except I have two other accounts with fics on them so technically in total 63!! which is a lot but that’s across four years so not as much.

What’s your total word count?

125k this year and last year! and I’m trying to reach 100k just written/posted this year by the end of 2024 (we are very close – only about 7k off :D )

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Lone Star (214!!!!!!!), Santa Monica (183!!), Teddy Picker (171!), Jump Scare (164!) and Don’t Stop Me Now (149!) which is so completely insane <333

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! eventually though sometimes I forget (there are so many comments I need to respond to rn and I am thinking about it but never actually getting around to doing it). I love comments and I love responding to comments because one of my favourite things is seeing people’s reactions to my writing it makes my entire week

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I think it’d probably be glass shards! it's not necessarily an angsty ending but it’s kinda open to interpretation, hopeful but not really happy? it's the end of the world as we know it is also pretty angsty in general but it doesn’t have an angsty ending (imo).

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Daylight and colours and faith all have pretty happy endings! Daylight is probably the happiest (except the one I haven’t posted yet but shhhh). I don’t like leaving things with unhappy endings completely there always has to be some sort of hope of things getting better. it just takes some time to get there most of the time.

Do you write crossovers?

I haven’t written a crossover and I don’t really intend to? it is a lot of world building imo and I am so strongly against world building all of the time that it’s not smth I would ever do lol

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

it wasn’t really hate? but it was a bookmark that was just a number rating my fic out of ten which just felt unnecessary and a bit rude, especially considering that there was no other comment aside from this number. it wasn’t hate and it wasn’t a bad rating (8/10 is decent ig) but it wasn’t smth I would want as a fic writer

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes. idk what kind? the general kind? the kind that makes me stare out of the window and contemplate my life choices for a good 8 minutes before turning back to my laptop screen to continue. nothing really kinky (yet but I am Thinking) but potentially more adventurous than most would participate in. that sounds pretentious :P

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yes but it was actually a twt thread that I did when I was still in the mcyt fandom and some big acc decided to ‘take inspiration’ which was actually just copying the whole thread with no credit :)

Have you ever had a fic translated?

no but that’d be very cool. I did once have a fic turned into a podfic which was very cool !!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not technically? but none of my fics are really written with the input of someone I dmed part of the fic to lol. so no official co-writing but I would credit Em @rosclerc with aiding my ideas (and making colours more angsty I promise it wasn’t all me)

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

sebchal.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

the sorcery au that I have a tag for but no published fic. there's about 5k in my WIP folder rn and I don’t think it’ll ever see the light of day. probably bc creating that universe involves world building and I hate world building. there's others too (I have a whole section of my WIP folder entitled ‘abandoned’) but the main reason I don’t post much/any drafts on here is bc I don’t want the pressure to finish it once I’ve shared it ? there are a lot of WIPs I want to finish but I doubt they’ll ever be completed.

What are your writing strengths?

dialogue is definitely my strength and it always has been. it's a very effective way to move things along in a situation and I’ve gotten very good at it over the years. which has been beneficial because…

What are your writing weaknesses?

WORLD BUILDING. MY BELOATHED MY BEHATED MY UNBELOVED. I hate world building so much and I think it’s partially bc I’m very very impatient when it comes to writing and dialogue moves things along a lot quicker. and also it’s a lot of effort :P

What are your thoughts on dialogue in other languages in a fic?

if you need it for wtv reason then make sure it’s accurate? I’ve read fics that use lines in my native language (french) that have been incorrect or have used the wrong word that means smth else (excité does not mean excited I am sorry to inform you). I use a lot of pet names in other languages but I’m not really someone who uses full dialogue in other languages. it can definitely work but it needs to be done accurately (and with translation please)

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The maze runner. in 2017? I think? I wrote a fic out by hand (in first person lol) and posted it on wattpad. afaik it’s still there unless it got taken down during their purge

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

so many ships!! choscar except I have sorta written for them. brocedes but the same. honestly I want to write a lot of ships that aren’t really ships they’re more mashing two guys together that may or may not have ever interacted (charles/michael for ex. lol)

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

I have probably said this too many times now but colours!!! I love colours so much it is the best thing I’ve ever written and I think the concept is really interesting. I also wrote it in like two weeks (maybe three?) so I think it was quite impressive? but also bubblegum bitch is underappreciated imo and is definitely a fic that I’m proud of and is top 3 in my favourite fics lol

this is very long apologies lol

no pressure <3 tagging @hungriestheidi @f1ggotry @foggieststars and @horns-the-demon

[luchicm04]

lost in the forest - part 34

Masterlist

Summary: Between celebrations and work, the feelings of two people grow stronger.

Pairing: Senju Tobirama/Original Female Character

Tag: #lost in the forest fic

posted on ao3

Word Count: 5.4k

WE FINALLY REACHED 100K WORDS!!

Overall warnings: canon-typical violence, adult content, time skips, angst

A wedding is so different from an engagement. She realizes this when she sees the rush, chaos and nerves of many of the members of that renowned clan. Karen noticed it just that morning when many redheads in different shades began to arrive. She tries not to get nervous, remembering what happened the last time they were visiting.  

She does not want to embitter the emotion that is beginning to flood people.  

Plus, she knows she’s not the only one, although Mikami hasn’t said anything... it’s a difficult stage that they both have to overcome in their own way. She gulps thickly, scratching her neck; the phantom sensation of that pain begins to make hee anxious.  

She sighs again and again clinging to the scrolls in her hands, stopping just as the council leaves the room where Hashirama is. “Good morning,” she greets as etiquette dictates with a solemn and careful touch.  

They are not her favorite people, but they must learn to coexist.  

“Mmmm...” Tobirama has been the coldest since then, although there is a glow of recognition that almost goes unnoticed since the time of the attack.  

He’s not the only one.  

“Good morning, Karen-san,” Jenshi replies on behalf of the four surviving councilors. “Meeting?”  

“Yes,” the girl says with a flat face.  

“What about?” Hantaro is the one who questions with dignity and a harsh tone. She blinks at him.  

“A few points to review of some contracts.”  

“As always, I imagine you are behind this madness,” Komura accepts with a wrinkle of the nose. The other three remain silent with slight airs of annoyance. It’s the same as when the Uchiha clan thing happened; the talks with the Hyūga and the attempts with the Nara along with two other external clans have them on the verge of collapse.  

They are old and although it is difficult to admit, change is not pleasant... especially when you turn enemies into neighbors and allies.  

It’s complicated. There is still blood and although people no longer say anything, they remember... She knows it and Karen tends to notice it sometimes.  

“Karen?” someone calls from inside. Hashirama leans over the edge of that traditional door with a harsh gesture to the four elders. They remain dignified without any extra comments.  

“We shall be taking our leave. Remember our words, Hashirama-sama.” Hantaro gives his word to leave without commenting on anything else on the matter. Karen stands still for a few seconds to release a long sigh.  

“Difficult?” the girl mocks entering the meeting room, a traditional one and larger than the one they had in the old house. The furniture is notable, the new smell is almost erased from so much use in recent days, and after a few days from the move, every part of the place still feels new.  

Just like back home... Karen can’t help but smile internally about it.  

“Somewhat,” the man accepts with a slight snort. “Did you check them?”  

“Yeah. Both the Hyuga and Nara have interesting enchange proposals,” the girl relays firmly. “Though there are shinobi terms that I suppose you also noticed.”  

“Yes.”  

“I see.” Karen stays still in front of that huge desk. Hashirama does the same and it no longer bothers her... although he looks at her with a strangeness and longing that she prefers to ignore. “I don’t understand why you asked me to check them, especially since you are shinobi.”  

“They, like us, have people who are not shinobi in essence. I would like them to consider ‘civilian’ missions, although they are not so required, so they can adapt them by joining us in the future.”  

“Oh...” Karen sees the point of why she reviews the notes. “They don’t mention any of that.”  

“No, it’s something I’ll be proposing.”  

“It would be nice if you considered it, along with first aid training.”  

“The Naras do not see that viable, considering their techniques.”  

“Really?”  

“Yes,” the man says mysteriously, leaning against the desk with a light and serious face.  

“What is it?” the woman decides to ask, noticing that the topic of the clans that will possibly be joining does not excite him.  

“N-nothing.”  

“Hashirama, you haven’t jumped with excitement at this,” Karen points out the obvious, moving the scrolls in her hand to focus on what she wants to say. “I know I’m a civilian, but I see that you’re worried about something.”  

“It’s nothing.”  

“Is it the wedding?”  

“No. Kaori-san and Mito... they have everything in order already.”  

“Tobirama?”  

“He will return tonight.”  

“Then?” the girl asks with a serious face.  

“Does it worry you?”  

“You are my first friend... the only one who would treat me decently back then,” she accepts with a slight honest touch, reminding herself of everything she has experienced in this world. Of course, she does not forget that he almost never appeared in that prison, previously her home, but Karen feels this person was always sincere with her.  

In a way she now knows a shinobi shouldn’t be.  

Hashirama looks at her for a long time. “Have you ever fallen in love?” he asks in a clear tone, looking at her while seeking something in her eyes. “I know I engaged you to Tobi...”  

“Uh... why do you ask?”  

“...” The leader of the Senju clan sighs without mentioning anything else. The silence is so uncomfortable that it makes her want to leave this strange atmosphere.  

“I... never,” she shrugs. “It was always a waste of time to me, to my work and family.”  

“Mph... I don’t know why that doesn’t seem strange coming from you.”  

“I don’t know if I should feel offended by that,” the girl rolls her eyes.  

“Hasn’t there been someone... that has... loved you?”  

“I don’t know. I never showed enough interest in that,” Karen says, disturbed by such a conversation subject. Hashirama doesn’t usually ask about personal stuff, just like Tobirama. Both keep out the topic of her family, interests and so on.  

“I see.” Hashirama approaches her. Karen trusts the man who stands a few centimeters away.  

“You know you don’t have to be nervous about the wedding, right?” the civilian blinks with a comfortable smile at the man. She doesn’t feel any worries about this approach, but his eyes shine strangely because of her question. “I’m sure Mito is the right one for you, and for the clan,” she adds slowly.  

“...” The leader snorts lightly and takes a strand of her hair to play with, with an air that she interprets as friendly. Karen wants to hit his hand but stays still without bothering to get out of his grip, attributing these oddities to nervousness and without seeing the wrong in the actions.  

Things that are still not important in her eyes.  

“Hashirama?” Madara interrupts with a slight arch between the two.  

“Good morning, Madara-san,” Karen greets, not paying attention to the approach and strange behavior of her partner who walks away sadly.  

“Am I interrupting something?” the newcomer questions.  

“No, your friend is just very nervous,” the civilian says carelessly, handing the scrolls to the blushing Senju leader. “Review them. I made some notes to take into account for the clans.”  

“S-sure.”  

“Good,” the girl accepts to look at the Uchiha, who stares suspiciously. “Is there something wrong?”  

“That’s the same thing I’m wondering,” the one with disheveled hair says with a double tone.  

“Huh?”  

“It’s better if you go, Karen. I’ll check them and let you know,” the Senju leader states, taking her out and directing her to the door with a shy face. She simply shrugs not minding what happened, nor with enthusiasm to decipher it because it is one of those things that are better left hidden from her understanding.  

She is deceiving herself... she notices it but remains silent.  

It’s not for the best... at least she left the house without any kind of impediment. She sighs, remembering the newly arrived redheads being escorted to the back of the house where they will be housed.  

The wedding will soon be here.  

──

Mito is a nervous wreck as the hours begin to end the day. She doesn’t laugh because she is euphoric, giving another check to her clothes, yukata and other things that make her growing anxiety noticeable. She knows this is so different for each bride, so she sighs, entering what is her house and the place where the bride is staying.  

Something about being her best friend, which she didn’t know she was classified as.  

Karen didn’t even bother.  

“How long has she been like this?” the civilian questions Kaori who sighs, watching the girl take another turn around the room where her things are located. The noice is notable when Mito mutters a list with her face focused on each spot in that room.  

Her red hair is a mess, and the movement of her mouth is feverish.  

She’s never seen a bride like that... or maybe it’s because she’s a shinobi.  

She does not know.  

“For a while now.”  

“You better bring some tea... a relaxing one,” the civilian clearly agrees with the old woman, who blinks.  

“Yes?”  

“She needs it. Otherwise, I’m sure she won’t sleep, and it will be chaos.”  

“But...”  

“I know you are shinobis; it is not the same with a civilian... but Mito-san will get more anxious, and that is difficult to hide with makeup. She must sleep and rest.”  

“I see,” the assistant accepts calmly, turning on her heels. Mikami is nowhere to be found and that is for the better. It is not the best time, so she remains silent and faces the euphoric kunoichi.  

“Mito-san?” She takes a step forward. She doesn’t look at her for a while, walking to where her ribbons rest. “Mito-san?” she calls a second time. “MITO-SAN?!” she shouts just as she is ignored for a longer time. The fine lady stops dead blinking, finally noticing her.  

“Karen...” She chuckles sadly. “I apologize, I did not hear you.”  

“I noticed,” she accepts with the strangeness of her having lowered her guard. For a kunoichi, she has many dangerous manias, which she sees she controls with finesse. “You should rest.”  

“But I still...”  

“Everything’s ready.”  

“But...”  

“Yesterday, you put the ribbons in that silver box. The headdress is in the gray one in the back next to the dresser, along with the yukata,” the civilian recalls calmly. Mito blushes easily.  

“I am sorry... for that.”  

“Don’t worry. It’s normal for a bride-to-be.”  

“Surely Hashirama is not currently like this, right?”  

“He’s nervous,” Karen agrees, remembering his strange attitude this morning.  

“Really?”  

“Yes,” the civilian laughs calmly, sitting in a lotus position at the edge of the room. There are many things lying around that she knows will be used tomorrow. “By the way, where are your assistants?”  

“They will arrive tomorrow.”  

“On time.”  

“Y-yes.” Mito sighs, forcing herself to sit down just when Kaori brings some tea. “Along with my brother and Oto-san.”  

“Oh, I thought they would come on the wedding day.”  

“No. They want to talk to Hashirama about political matters.”  

“I see.”  

“Yes.” Mito takes a sip of her drink. “Relaxing?”  

“You need to rest and sleep,” Karen states without the guilt of ordering this. “For the bride, it is important to have eight hours of beauty sleep considering that you will be the star of the event.”  

Mito laughs lightly. “Thank you... for being my support.”  

Karen blinks at that comment. “Don’t mention it. Besides, one of the two has to be the sensitive one.”  

“I am a trained kunoichi. This is embarrassing,” the redhead says.  

“Even if you are the most trained and strongest one, you are still the future bride. It’s normal to be nervous.”  

“Yes,” the Uzumaki accepts. “I... I have waited for this for a long time,” she states again with a light tone, looking at the hanging yukata... so fine and elegant, with light tones and expensive embroidery. “And soon... I shall be a Senju.”  

Karen doesn’t say anything because she remembers very well what they have talked about since she arrived and in that first meeting. Her entire world is Hashirama... and deep inside, she thinks that her world is so small. She doesn’t judge her; she knows she loves the Senju leader and it’s noticeable.  

She is happy for both of them, and hopes they are happy.  

“Oh...” Mito blushes as she remembers something to herself that makes her raise her eyebrow. “I had not thought about the wedding night,” she comments, making her laugh.  

“Well, maybe we can have a sleepover. Like a bachelorette party.”  

“Bachelo... what?” The woman blinks with an innocent gesture at her comment. Karen laughs. She sees that this will be complicated to explain and prepare for tonight; she just needs help from Mikami... and Kaori. She’s sure they will need to help her.  

──

She is leaning against the railing of the house. The noise inside consists of embarrassing talks of women exchanging tips on how to please their future husband. Both Touka and Kaori are versed in the art of flirting and courtship that it has made the interaction so lively... although Mito is still blushing about the whole thing.  

Leaving aside resting for today.  

She didn’t think that such an infamous woman would be oblivious to what she will have to do to ‘fulfill’ her duty. Plus, this is not well regarded by people outside her small circle of friends. She giggles... this is what bachelorette parties are for.  

To clarify doubts and exchange things that may be useful for the future bride.  

It was embarrassing at first, considering the traditionalist culture, but it was brought to fruition by the other ladies. She laughs, feeling dizzy from the little sake she has ingested, which is what brought her to go out for air. Bad idea.  

Karen feels that her world is moving, causing her to feel vertigo and even looking at the ground... it continues to wobble.  

How coarse.  

“You should not be out here,” someone calls from her side. She smells a little of antiseptic, which makes her snort slightly. Sighing, she tries to lift her face, but it only makes her dizzier. “Did you drink?”  

“No?”  

“Karen.”  

“Uh... just a little, Tobirama,” she laughs amused at the man with a harsh gesture, making her frown slightly. “Don’t look so angry, I’m fine.”  

“Why are you drunk, then?”  

“I’m not... just dizzy,” she explains calmly while the man doesn’t take his hands off her arms, sighing. “Welcome home?” She doesn’t know what else to say when the silence becomes long. If she had her mind clear and not focusing on not vomiting, she would question more things... like his presence there and why he is looking at her that way.  

“... So careless.”  

“It’s not that big of a deal... plus, I haven’t left the house.”  

“Did you not learn from last time?”  

“Tobirama...” she sighs, wanting to free herself from his sudden grip. “I’ll be fine, I just... needed air.”  

“You must go to sleep.”  

“I can’t... I have visitors,” she clarifies upon hearing the laughter of the most shameless woman in that small group.  

“It is not a request.”  

“You can’t just order me around, you know?” the woman complains, but getting out of his grip is difficult. “Can you let me go?”  

“No.”  

“Tobirama...” The woman frowns, but it is the man who sighs somehow in his dignified bearing. He releases her and she takes a few steps back... being caught by said shinobi before falling in her butt. “Uh...” She feels she is being carried carefully after such a painful action.  

“Idiot.”  

“Rude...” she growls reluctantly, leaning back when she feels the heat and feeling angry at being treated like a child, but she feels like she will throw up if she keeps fighting. She is drunk, but she still has a little sense... she is not a stubborn drunkard.  

That’s good.  

“You haven’t bathed,” she complains when she smells the body of the person carrying her. She closes her eyes, a slight hiccup coming out of her mouth while the sound of the girls can still be heard. Haven’t they moved? ...perhaps not.  

“...” Tobirama as always ignores her comments.  

“Tobirama-sama?” someone calls. Karen would like to open her eyes, but she just sighs without the desire to face whoever is watching such a sorry scene.  

“I will take her to bed.”  

“A-alright.” That was Mikami’s voice.  

Tobirama doesn’t say anything as he keeps walking firmly. She doesn’t hear his steps... she never does, so the silence lulls the girl a little more, until she feels her bed easily.  

“Thank you,” she says, oblivious to the type of look she is being subjected to. Karen turns around to grab a small sheet nearby. The shinobi surely gave it to her, but she ripped it out of his hands. She’s cold, she’s dizzy and her eyes burn.  

Like that time... but two degrees less painful.  

The man just stands there. She doesn’t know if he’s going to stay, but Karen doesn’t know much about anything anymore.  

Sleepy.  

──

She wakes up the next day with a slight headache and an anxiety for a fresh glass of water. She sighs... she begins walking barefoot, not caring about changing her clothes, when she hears a noise, turning to notice an absent Mikami.  

“Uh...” Karen comments right in the hallway. “I’m sorry I didn’t stay until the end,” she says casually with a gesture worthy of someone with a hangover. Her friend laughs.  

“Do not worry. You were in good hands,” the woman accepts firmly as they both begin their walk towards the kitchen.  

“Mito-san and the others?”  

“Touka is still asleep. Mito-sama came out to greet her father and brother.”  

“Right, I forgot about the reception.”  

“You do not have to worry about it. Mito-san understands that you were not in very good conditions,” her friend laughs amused with a mischievous touch.  

“Did I miss something?”  

“No... nothing.”  

“It feels like I did,” she complains as she enters the kitchen without noticing the way her friend looks at her.  

“You know, despite it being a complicated matter... your wedding with Tobirama-sama...” Mikami states as if she was not talking about something curious so early in the morning while preparing some strong tea... that special one that only shinobi know of for hangovers and she learnt about that celebration day with the Uchiha clan. “He takes care of you.”  

Karen doesn’t say anything, reminding herself of the night before. “He’s always been like that.”  

“Really?”  

“Yeah. He thinks I can’t help myself,” she complains, remembering the comments he said. “That I’m stupid.”  

“Uh...” Mikami blinks. “Does he say that?”  

“Yes,” she shrugs. “It’s annoying... but I think I’m the same,” she laughs amusedly to herself, taking another sip of that drink that is a pleasant invention. It would be a success in her world, being so effective in quenching thirst and headache. At least it would be functional on this busy day.  

Mikami laughs. “No one would believe that about the infamous Uchiha Killer.”  

“...” Karen blinks at the nickname.  

“That was his nickname during the war, before peace,” the kunoichi in front of her explains. “Do not tell him I told you.”  

“...Don’t worry,” she shrugs. “Mito-san... how did she like it last night?”  

“It was fun,” her friend accepts. “I did not think we could do that.”  

“Where I come from it is common, although it is celebrated differently.” Karen remembers the few bachelorettes she went to in the past; all animated, with lottery and those spicy activities typical of those events. Not so scandalous as to bring a stripper, but rather a pleasant routine with friends.  

To say goodbye to being single.  

“I am glad you suggested it,” the kunoichi laughs. “Mito-sama was very anxious, especially about the topic of the wedding night.”  

“I noticed.”  

“It is a taboo... fur us to talk about what is expected that night.”  

“...” Karen doesn’t say anything.  

“What we know are things we learned from the elderly... for ‘that’ type of missions,” she states with a clear and dignified tone. “Not to do it... with our partners.”  

“It’s complicated I guess... considering the cultural difference,” Karen says. “But it is important to help the future bride cope with her tension. And what better than with friends?” she chuckles amused at her position.  

Mikami laughs just as happily and less tense considering the time that is approaching and the memories that are being relived, focusing on day-to-day conversations and how the workload is increasing. But that will end just when the wedding passes.  

She hopes so.  

──

Uzumaki Aoki laughs just as she arrives at the meeting room. She can see Madara standing in the background along with Hashirama talking to a serious, newly arrived leader. Uzumaki Ashina is remarkable, which tells her not to interrupt whatever they are talking about.  

She only came in because the council told her that they were expecting her.  

“Oh, my dear... prettier with every day.” Cheeky as he usually is, the man gives her a light wink, looking enthusiastic as always and giving a soft gesture in her direction.  

“Aoki-san,” she greets firmly with a slight bow.  

“Leave the –san. I have already told you in my letters,” the boy assures, letting her pass and sit next to him. “By the way, did you like the last gift I gave you?”  

“Your family sent me many.”  

“Well... I apologize for not being present on your engagement.”  

“Not at all. I know you are an important person in Uzu.”  

“Nah, still,” the boy calmly assures.  

“Karen?” Tobirama questions, entering with a harsh gesture to the one who laughs amusedly next to her. Aoki gives a cheeky wave with a perpetual smile without bothering to leave her side. “Let us talk.”  

Karen sighs. It’s surely something about what happened last night. She doesn’t remember much so she doesn’t hesitate to get up. Besides, they have things to check about her new yukatas and the earrings that Kaori claims they must already see. Their wedding with be two months after Hashirama’s.  

So, there are many things to prepare.  

And they haven’t spoken about it because he was on a mission.  

“Wow Tobirama... who would say that you are... protective,” the Uzumaki mocks.  

“Do not be a nuisance, Aoki.”  

“So serious,” he pouts. “Karen-san, if you need help, don’t hesitate to ask,” he says with a serious tone, giving a warning gesture that she didn’t completely ignore.  

“Aoki,” the albino warns.  

The Uzumaki laughs shamelessly to turn around and walk to where the other three leaders were looking with varying degrees of strangeness. Karen sighs and frowns at the shinobi.  

“What was that for?”  

Tobirama, as always, doesn’t say anything and walks outside. She sees Izuna enter with a mocking gesture at who stays on the sidelines of the political issues discussed inside. “Do not say anything,” he growls at him, who lets out a satirical laugh.  

They are both strangers in their relationship, but at least she sees that there is a tentative friendship based on sarcasm and bad comments.  

One that she had already noticed but is glad it didn’t break during the course.  

“Tobirama?” she questions when she is taken out of the room. She huffs because she is sure they needed her for something, which makes her cross her arms with a serious gesture.  

“Last night... you drank too much.”  

“No?”  

“...” The albino arches his eyebrow, not at all surprised.  

“I will not discuss something that I made clear last night.”  

“Do you remember?”  

“A little... fuzzy, but yes.”  

“Mph...”  

“By the way, where were you going so late?”  

“To check on the wedding.”  

“Oh... Kaori-san told me that we need to take final measurements and adjustments last week.”  

“I see.”  

“Also, the food...”  

“I will see to it with her.”  

“Yes,” she sighs, looking at the tall shinobi. “What?”  

Tobirama snorts. “I do not know if you are an idiot or just pretending.”  

“What’s that about?”  

“Nothing,” the man’s face does not express any discomfort, but it gives him an air of irritation.  

“How did your mission go?”  

“It does not bother you.”  

“We are going to be associates.”  

“...” Tobirama frowns at the nickname he doesn’t like, but he doesn't care to correct it.  

“I will be your wife. At least put some consideration in your words.”  

“I will not tell you anything.”  

“At least a ‘good’, ‘more or less’, ‘bad’...” she shrugs. “We will be husband and wife. I already don’t ask for too much because you are very reluctant to share something with me,” she complains.  

“It is a bother.”  

“Maybe, but you’ll be stuck with me during this time,” she admits with a solemn gesture and a contrary feeling, because saying it out loud is uncomfortable. She didn’t think she’d feel that way, but it’s better to clarify this now that there’s a chance. “It would be nice to be friends...”  

“...” Tobirama frowns irritated, which surpriseds her.  

“Is there something wrong?” The people around her are acting weird, and Karen just asks directly because she feels like she’s missing something.  

“No, nothing.”  

“Mmmmm... Tobirama.”  

“I will not talk to you about it.”  

“You have to talk,” Karen presses her lips, but it is her partner’s gesture that makes her snort. “Fine, whenever you want.”  

“Karen?” Tobirama stops her escape before letting out a long sigh to walk next to her. The civilian does not say anything but continues with her bad mood for a little while before re-entering. Saying that her fiancé did not leave her side is strange.  

For the entire meeting, he was her shadow.  

Karen really... didn’t know how to interpret it.  

Progress? She doesn’t know.  

──

He is protective, she notices as the days go by and the work increases. The Hyuga clan has agreed to the terms and will begin visiting them a week after Hashirama’s wedding, so she is working with a shadow next to her sitting on the edge of the patio with a concentrated gesture.  

They both don’t speak to each other, working on their own thing.  

“Karen,” the shinobi says harshly.  

“Hmm?”  

“Did you review the entry numbers?”  

“Yes, I just finished them,” she points to a scroll next to her.  

“I will take them.”  

“I can do it...”  

The shinobi, as always, does not listen to her.  

“I also have to take Madara-san's report.”  

“I will take them.”  

“I’ll go,” the girl sighs, looking at them with a firm arch. “What is it?” She is direct.  

“Nothing.”  

“You have been like my shadow, and I am sure you would prevent me from leaving the house.”  

“The wedding is tomorrow.”  

“I know.”  

“Hashirama needs to deliver this quickly for his days off.”  

“Oh...” Karen sees the logic. “Well... then, I’ll go alone with Madara-san.”  

“I will also deliver it.”  

“You have enough work for you to be doing this. I’ll hand over those at the Uchihas.”  

“Karen.”  

“Tobirama.”  

“Mmmm...” The man frowns.  

“I am no longer your prisoner,” she reminds the person who purses his lips with a harsh gesture.  

“Do what you want...”  

“Good,” she easily accepts, not guilty of using that mistake to her advantage, getting up just to take said scrolls and go discuss the points still pending with Madara.  

“Are you going now?”  

“Yeah.”  

“Were you not working?”  

“I can leave it for now. This is actually urgent,” she says with a quick shrug. “And since you will help me deliver Hashirama’s stuff, it is better that I at least finish this and focus on the rest, right?”  

Tobirama does not frown, but she can see a slight wrinkle between his eyebrows. “Mph...” He ignores her to concentrate on his own work. She sighs because she does not know what strange thoughts are going through his mind. It was better to continue with her things.  

And to finish on time. At least he didn’t offer to take her... because she’s sure he has too much work.  

A point in her favor.  

──

The Uchiha compound has a different air to the Senju clan. Its houses are made of wood with a more rustic, traditional touch than the ones presented by her usual home. Elegant in its own way. It is usually silent with several children staring at her shamelessly.  

“Karen-san,” someone calls behind her. Izuna, her usual companion within the walls, gives her a formal greeting.  

“Good morning.”  

“The idiot?” he questions, not seeing the usual shadow around her.  

“He has a lot of work,” she shrugs.  

“Oh...” The Uchiha laughs amused. “Are you coming to see my brother?”  

“Yes, I’m just here to deliver this.”  

“Right now, he is in a meeting in the neutral building,” Izuna states with a soft gesture. “Didn’t the guards tell you?”  

“No.”  

“Mmmm...” Izuna looks upset. “If you want, I’ll hand them over.”  

“Oh, I wanted to explain some things to him.”  

“If he needs something, he will look for you.”  

“You sure?”  

“Yes.”  

“I see.” She shrugs at how easily this task is solved. Izuna only gives her a light look. “What is it?”  

“Emmmm... he hasn’t talked to you?”  

“He?”  

“Hashirama.”  

“No? ...I haven’t seen him since the leaders of the Uzumaki clan arrived.”  

“I see.”  

“Did something happen?”  

“Nothing happened,” the infamous Uchiha laughs, hiding his interest to turn on his heels and direct her to the exit. “The idiot?”  

“No.”  

“I see.”  

“...Izuna-san?”  

“I imagine that you are only limited to going to the neutral building, right?”  

“Uh... well, they’ve had a lot of work and Tobirama says they need everything urgently.”  

Izuna chuckles amused. “Those morons.”  

“?”  

“Nah, don’t worry... I think things are tense because of the wedding.”  

“Yes, everyone is nervous.”  

“Uh-huh,” the man agrees to stop at the door. “You better go to the Senju clan. We don’t want your boyfriend to get angry.”  

Karen does not say anything to the tone used. She walks a little further to stop right on the cobblestone path that leads to the neutral office. The one in which both leaders work hard and that she is sure, now that more clans will be added, will be needing to increase the number of its floors.  

She sighs... she doesn’t know what to think about all this attitude, but she stays silent. She doesn’t want to figure it out. Maybe it’s a shinobi matter that they don’t want to share, right?  

──

It is at dawn that she feels someone enter her bedroom. She sighs in alarm just to see an absent shadow at the edge of her room. “Tobirama?” she asks, recognizing him even in the shadows of her room illuminated by the full moon.  

He doesn’t say anything. “Did I wake you up?”  

“Uh... yes,” she accepts with a long yawn. “What are you doing here?”  

“...Sleep,” he deflects her question with a firm order.  

Karen looks at him with strangeness and a solemn arch. “Tobirama.”  

“Everything is alright,” the man assures, leaning against the edge of her room with an indifferent look, as if he were the guardian of something far from her understanding.  

“This whole week you’ve been acting strange, you know?” she says, taking note of what he has been doing during this time.  

“...”  

“It would be nice if you trusted me... even if it’s just that.”  

“It is not something that concerns you.”  

She snorts indignantly at his attitude. “Are you running away from someone?”  

“No.”  

“Kaori-san told me that you changed many things about the wedding.”  

The albino looks at her. “Just some things.”  

Karen sighs without turning to look away. “Are we under attack?”  

“No.”  

“Tobirama.”  

“Just sleep...”  

“You’re in my room... you came in at midnight... do you think I’ll let it slide?”  

“Do not ask.”  

“Shinobi stuff?”  

“Yes.”  

“Mmmmm...” Karen doesn’t believe him, but she sees that the man is an iceberg trained not to share any of his information. “Well... I’ll pretend that I believe you,” she comments while yawning.  

“...” Tobirama doesn’t say anything. However, he remains in his position expectantly. Karen did not know what time she fell asleep, unaware that there was an argument shortly after outside her house. Hashirama was sad... upset by what his heart may feel and Tobirama was there as a guardian, to ensure that he did not do something stupid whereas the focus of attention was just asleep, without paying attention to his interests.  

One thing that can be misunderstood... or not?  

And so, the awaited day arrived outside of the personal feelings of those involved, of the unusual tensions of a confused groom, while the woman causing his confusion... is completely oblivious to any hint that she could perceive or small actions that could be confused with an interest beyond friendship.  

The wedding took place... and with it comes change.  

A/N: A chapter before the wedding!! As you saw, our OC is oblivious to anything because she is very good at playing blind and not paying attention to certain interests. She may be older, but there are issues that are complicated for the civilian to deal with... Love being one of them.

And she is shameless about it. Tobirama is a guardian and has seen his brother’s interest and the confusion that grows with the approach of the wedding... not being noticed by Karen, but by those closest to him (Izuna and Madara). The latter would have mocked him if Hashirama wasn’t so volatile (something he hadn’t seen in his always boisterous friend.) Plus, he gave scandalous suggestions to the Senju about it (how to run away and not exactly with his official fiancée).

Tobirama is the voice of reason in this, so he just stands firm by his fiancée’s side, guarding his real interest and what is beginning to become stronger in his heart... grateful that the woman is oblivous to everything that is happening. Not because she is stupid, but because of her own interest in things outside of romance and that his brother is loyal to the affairs of the village and what it would cause if he broke up with Mito.

The self-sacrifice that means for the leader of the clan, even if his heart is in the way, without fully declaring himself... Hashirama is in love, but not with Mito :s

Karen just doesn’t want to look any further.

Thanks for your comments.

Author-chan out! 

[ljandersen]

whats ur status on sideways 👀? No joke i think abt it daily.

Thank you for reaching out, Anon! It means a lot to me, knowing that a story I wrote is thought about every day. I think about it every day, too, being the author! It's still the story I'm proudest to have written.

As for the status on Sideways, it currently exists as a hand-written, rough first draft stored in a fire-proof safe. It needs massive changes -- complete scene rewrites and a ton of new scenes (mostly for the paragon timeline). It's currently on my back burner while I focus on an original project.

All the adjustments I made editing the 750k words in Part 1-4 has culminated in a major undertaking editing Part 5.

For instance, the reason Shepard joins the Alliance on Rannoch is different after my changes in Part 4. Before, I didn't have a very good reason for her being there and, because of that peripheral role, she wasn't directly involved in a lot of the things happening. Now she's acting Counselor. She's front and center.

It's a good change, the right change, which is why I did it. However, now a lot of the plot-centric happenings, which were only heard about or referenced through another character, need full scenes with Shepard being impactful and altering the outcomes (much better than being a removed observer).

This will require several new scenes and throwing out old ones that are now unnecessary. Then I need to relocate any extra bits of vital information not in the new scene, to other places in the story.

In addition to whole new scenes, I need to majorily revise whole scenes. There's a party scene on Rannoch, which now the goal behind it and what Shepard is doing during it, has changed. That series of scenes need rewritten.

That example of Shep's purpose on Rannoch changing scenes downstream is just one -- and a mostly spoiler free one -- of the dozens of changes I need to accomodate.

Also, the paragon timeline in particular requires a lot of new writing, maybe 50 k words of new scenes (so, the equivalent of a full novel).

Toward the end of writing the first draft of Sideways, I was starting to get worn down. Writing four storylines sometimes made it feel like I was spending weeks going nowhere, because I wasn't moving forward in the main Renegade timeline. Because of that frustration and wanting to reach the end, I chose to focus less on the paragon timeline, knowing I would need to add more to it during the editing. I left myself with some major work to do on that storyline to do it justice.

All of those reasons aside, the main reason Sideways Part 5 isn't ready is because I shifted focus for the time being. I'm serializing an original sci fi series and trying to establish myself an author. I intended to do this after I finished posting Sideways, but with the emergence of AI, I don't think the opportunity will be there for me if I wait.

Visibility for writing is going to become impossible and slow human writers, like me, will be washed away under the tide of AI mega production. There's an influential author in the indie world, for example, who has stated his intention to produce 10k novels a year, on par with the big publishing houses. That's one person, who with a handful of contractors previously put out a few dozen books a year, if that many, who now intends to do 10k a year!

My opportunity to find readers is now, while AI is still clunky and not universal, before people selling a back catalog of 100k books and with the ad spending to match drive human writers out of the market.

Because of this new priority, I've had to funnel my creativity and focus into my original writing. I'm not someone who can do two things at once. I'm all in on one project at a time. That's probably apparent from my fanfic, where I've only posted one WIP at a time, start to finish before the next. I can't divide my passion on concurrent WIP.

That doesn't mean I don't think about Sideways though -- I do, daily! -- and I intend to finish it. For now, though, unfortunately, Sideways is a draft in some notebooks in a safe. It's not a simple undertaking to edit it, and I need to focus on a personal goal.

Your interest in Sideways is something I treasure, though, and appreciate beyond words. I'm so glad my story isn't forgotten. I love knowing it's still on readers' minds. It makes me feel like, what had so much meaning to me as its writer, truly must carry that meaning through to the reader, too, which is the greatest joy in sharing a story.

Thank you for taking time to check in on Sideways and for letting me know how much it still means to you.

Also, here is a picture of my new puppy as a tiny consolation for not having Sideways ready:

[wondrouswendy]

April 2024 Update

This week I wrote ~10k words for Out of My Hands and Into Your Heart's sequel and drafted one of the final chapters of the entire story due to sudden burst of inspiration and energy. I've thought about the ending of my entire series off and on, but I hadn't yet put the ideas to paper until last night. Of course that's super down the road.

I'm in full swing with writing my sequel. I think in the next upcoming months, if not sooner, I'll be finished with it and ready to share it.

I suppose writing the Runaway Rabbit also did surprisingly take up a large chunk of this word count. It's deceptive when you're writing how word counts can just sneak up on you. I have enjoyed writing this story, and even though it's wrapping up soon, it's been a fun diversion to explore an idea to its conclusion. I've always wanted to write a sex pollen fic (shamelessly just gonna say that) because I always thought it fit the Control universe easily. There's so much altered material out there that can influence squishy mortals. I enjoy writing rom-com style novellas, and this was another joy to write. I'm happy with how it turned out.

There have also been smaller one shots I've worked on, other chapters for the sequel to the sequel, and other projects on the side. I've been working on commissions too which has been a fun experience, honing in on an idea and a specific scene with specific characters. It's a different kind of focus than how my writing can sometimes flow with my inspiration. It's been a huge help in training my writing skills, so I'm very gracious to have received the opportunities as of late.

As a result, I hit 100k words for the year, four months into 2024. Pretty shocked to say the least because it somehow hasn't felt like 100k words. As of today, I've written 104k words. This has been the fastest I've ever reached 100k in a year.

Thanks again Remedy for the brainworms 😊 and to everyone who has read my stories this year. The encouragement has been incredibly helpful and motivating. It's been amazing to focus on writing and I hope this energy continues as I march towards my initial goal and a new goal after it!

[sabrinasfadingmoon]

I recently got back to my original book and have passed 100k words (currently at 112k). I’m very happy with myself. I was stuck at 90k words for so long I honestly was feeling really down about it. I know people really only care about my fanfic, and are probably annoyed I haven’t updated things but between working and hyperfixations im so happy that I finally found the motivation to write my book.

Like this is a love letter to witches and supernatural shit that I’ve been trying to write for what almost is three fucking years. Which is— insane, I was stuck on 90k words for most of the last year. But I did it! I’m writing chapter ten now and so thrilled I’m reaching/nearing everything I’ve wanted for this project.

It’s hard though, because I can’t get anyone I trust to read it. Which makes me feel like it isn’t good and I’m partly wasting time on a project nobody would love half as much as I do. I think I’m holding it to close to my heart in fear someone will crush me/steal it all away from me.

Also yes, I am kind of ranting. But I just wanted to share about my original book since it’s been awhile since I talked about it on here. I honestly recently thought about maybe sharing the first chapter on ao3 to get some criticism/opinions but I don’t know how that would work… or if I’d be able to get a publisher years after (I wanna try and find one whenever that day comes but if not I’ll self publish so you besties better be ready in three years or whatever. Idk how long it’ll take)

Fanfic to published author pipeline I am coming for you