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rollercoasterwords · 1 year

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hi! thank you for the kind words, i'm happy you're enjoying the fic. but i also want to use this message as an opportunity to talk about something/set a boundary that i haven't really known how to discuss, and i've blocked out your name because even though i'm not angry or upset with you, i want to make sure i'm not sending any hate back your way.

i know that this message is well-intentioned, and i know you likely think it's nothing but a compliment to ask me to write more--after all, you're only asking me to write more because you enjoy the story so much! shouldn't that be a nice thing for me to hear?

and like. i think that's why this is difficult for me to talk about. i don't want to come across as ungrateful or overly sensitive or like i don't appreciate the compliments, because i do. but at the same time, hearing someone say, "please write more of this fic for me, i love your writing so much!" is still hearing someone say "please write more of this fic for me!" like. 300,000 words is incredibly long. most novels are between 70k-100k words. a 300k word book usually takes years to write--years, and hundreds of hours of labor. maybe you chose that number randomly, or you're exaggerating for emphasis; but no matter how nicely you're phrasing it or how facetious you're being, ultimately this sort of message still puts pressure on me to produce a massive amount of writing in a short period of time. and even if you meant it as a compliment, it doesn't feel nice to me. being pressured to churn out hundreds of thousands of words makes me feel as though i'm being seen as a content-creation machine for the entertainment of others, and i don't like that. writing is a labor of love for me, but it is still labor--hours of time and effort that i'm putting into these works which i share for free, with no expectations of anything in return except maybe a few kind words from those who feel like reaching out. when i get messages or comments like this pushing me to write more, to write faster, it makes me feel as though my time and labor are not respected at all; as if there's absolutely no consideration for the amount of effort it takes to write the stories. which, again, makes me feel like i'm being viewed as some sort of fic-writing machine that can just pump out hundreds of thousands of words on demand for others' entertainment.

and none of this is helped by the tongue-in-cheek comment about how you're "suffering" waiting for updates. again, i understand that this was well-intended and maybe even a playful exaggeration that's supposed to be complimentary. but there are ways to tell me you enjoy my writing and eagerly wait for updates without telling me how much you dislike waiting between chapters. posting once a week is already a difficult schedule for me to maintain, and it's entirely possible that i'll need to take another break in the future or skip a week or something. i've been very clear about the fact that my update schedule is subject to change since i started writing the fic; that's just part of reading a wip. but when i get messages or comments like these with people telling me how they don't like waiting for updates, or comments directly asking me to post more than once a week, or--back when i did take a break--comments begging me not to take a break, it all adds together and builds up and creates this pressure to write more, write faster, post the new ch now now now. if you were the only person making this type of comment, it probably wouldn't bother me and i'd just respond and go "thanks lol" and move on. but the problem is that you aren't the only one--since more people have started reading the fic, i've consistently been getting comments like these, where the backhanded pressure to write more or write faster is couched in compliments. it's just so hard to wait for updates because i love your writing so much! i just want you to write more and post now and write faster because i love your writing so much! i know it's all well-intended, but none of it makes me feel good. it just makes me feel a mounting pressure to produce produce produce.

i feel like there are so many conversations happening in this fandom about how we need to treat writers better, where people go "the fandom is so shitty" and everyone goes "yeah!" but no one ever thinks they're part of the problem. and i think it's because everyone thinks the problem is like...really blatantly rude and entitled messages. and like, i get those too--people telling me they don't like a certain characterization and asking me to rewrite the fic; people repeatedly demanding that i write a certain fic for them; people just outright shitting on things i've written because they don't like it and for some reason think i want to know that. but none of that is super common. what is super common is the steady stream of comments and messages like this one, where they are so well-intended and don't see anything wrong with what they're saying because they think they're giving me a compliment. but all these "compliments" build up and create this pressure that hangs over my head to be constantly producing and writing, which is ultimately what leads to burnout and also makes me feel like i'm not being seen as a person so much as a machine.

so like. idk. i'm not gonna try to speak for every writer in the fandom; maybe there are people out there who do appreciate this kind of message, who feel like it motivates them to write. but for me, i want to make it clear: i really don't appreciate being asked to write more or write faster or to write a certain trope/ship/etc; i am not a waiter taking your order at a restaurant. writing fic is not a service i'm providing for you that you pay me for in comments or kudos or messages or any sort of attention, because i am not writing for that attention in the first place. so when it comes to interacting with me, i'd ask that you reevaluate the way you give compliments and think about what sort of pressure you're putting on me, regardless of how well-intentioned your message is. again, no hard feelings towards you--like i said, this message probably wouldn't even register as pressuring to me if not for the fact that i get so many little comments like it, all from equally well-intentioned people who think they're just giving a compliment, all of which builds up together.

anyway. all that being said. to answer your question: the fic will likely be four parts, not three as i originally intended. it will probably end up somewhere between 100-200k words based on the fact that we're already at 80k and i've only just started part iii, but i am not going to put pressure on myself to write a certain amount of words or hit a certain length. i'm just going to write what i want to write when i want to write, and share it as i want to share it. i'm happy to have you along if you want to be here, but if the cliffhangers or waiting for updates becomes too unenjoyable for you then there's no pressure for you to stay, yknow? no hard feelings on my end either way :•)

#have been talking w a few friends abt this recently and just. felt like it was getting to a point where i need 2 set a boundary lol #like again don't want to come across as ungrateful bc i DO appreciate the kind words and i love talking abt my writing w people #but those kind words and conversation are not the reason i write in the first place. i write in the first place purely for the fun + joy #of writing a story that i want to read #so as much as i appreciate the compliments etc #people being nice to me about my writing does not then entitle those people to make requests or demands about the way i write #yknow?#feel like its hard to phrase this without sounding cunty lol but like. it is simply the truth #anyway. like i said no hard feelings towards the person who sent this message truly #i just picked this as an opportunity to respond to allll the comments + messages like it #might put a note at the end of the next ch or something bc this type of thing happens in the comments moreso than tumblr messages #which is part of why i usually just ignore and move on but. it builds up guys #and it's only been increasing so. feel like i need to be firm abt setting expectations etc #ask #wfrau #ranting and raving

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decks-writing-blog · 2 months

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Gordon Swap: Chapter One: Vanished

Summary: Instead of throwing him into the trash compacter, the soldiers decide to throw Gordon into another one of Black Mesa's experiments.

After cutting off his hand, the soldiers decide to throw Gordon into another one of Black Mesa's experiments.

[A/N] Another fic that got out of hand length wise. This one I thought was gonna be 4-5 chapters at most. I just finished chapter 7 today and it's still going however. This isn't gonna spiral into another 24 chapter, 100k+ words fic though, I got the end goal planned and it's in sight even if i don't yet know how many more chapters are going to be needed to reach it. Because of that and how long I've been working on it, the itch to start uploading it is strong so I'm doing so.

As is often the case when I write HL Gordon I need to include a quick Content Warning; he's the reason for the 'temporary character death' tag. When he dies, time goes back and he's alive again, deaths are depicted and he thinks about manually resetting (aka killing himself) a few times but doesn't do so (as of where I'm writing now, I will give an updated warning if such occurs when uploading the chapter in question).

Voices roused Gordon, indecipherable under the ringing in his ears. He needed to wake up, get a move on. What his mission was exactly he couldn’t quite recall currently but it was important.

He cracked open an eye. Blank concrete ceiling moved above him like a treadmill. … No, it wasn’t moving, he was. Hands grasped his ankles, dragging him across the floor to… where? Probably nowhere good, especially since he had no idea who was dragging him. He should really do something about it.

“… toss him into that closet thingy that vanished Larry,” one of the voices said, becoming clearer.

“Eh, I don’t know ‘bout that. Larry already fucked up by messing with that, don’t know if we should too.”

“Maybe it’ll give us Larry back if we vanish him. Even if it don’t, won’t have to be concerned with the body, eh?”

“Suppose it’s worth a shot.”

They had to be talking about vanishing Gordon, right? If so, he should really do something to stop this. A lot of Black Mesa’s experiments could be dangerous. If this one had already vanished one person, messing with it wasn’t wise. But… it was hard to care as much as he should. The ringing was coming back, threatening to send him under again. His body and thoughts were too heavy to properly fight it.

That was fine though. He’d die and everything would reset. Bad but he was starting to get used to it.

***

Voices roused Gordon, indecipherable under the ringing in his ears. Everything hurt, his arm in particular. Every little bump and jolt sent a stab of pain through it.

He opened his eyes. Blank concrete ceiling went by above him as he was dragged down the hallway. Hands grasped his ankles seemingly dragging him over every imperfection on the floor big enough to jostle his arm. Why did it hurt so bad? … Maybe it was a good thing to not remember.

But if they were going to drag him the least they could’ve done was secure his arm better. Why were they dragging him anyway? Couldn’t they have just woken him like normal people? … They weren’t normal people though, were they?

“… toss him into that closet thingy that vanished Gary,” one of the voices said, becoming clearer. That wasn’t one of Gordon’s traveling companions.

“Eh, I don’t know ‘bout that. Gary already fucked up by messing with that, don’t know if we should too.” Another stranger.

Who were these people and why were they dragging Gordon and more importantly where were they dragging him to?

“Maybe it’ll give us Gary back if we vanish him. Even if it don’t, won’t have to be concerned with the body, eh?”

“Suppose it’s worth a shot.”

That sounded bad. Gordon should do something to stop this. Everything hurt though, especially his hand. He’d much rather just drift back off again to escape the pain and memory of why it hurt so bad. Already the ringing in his head was coming back. He didn’t fight it. If he died who would care anyway?

***

Gordon opened his eyes to darkness. The concrete was pleasantly cool beneath his head but that’s about all that could be said in favor of it. With no small amount of effort he pushed himself up into a sitting position.

Light came in from under a door to his left. Standing, he stumbled his way over to it. Luckily it was unlocked, allowing him to pull it open and let light spill into the room. He was in one of the office labs. Not one he was familiar with but he’d already traveled through several places in the facility he’d never been to before.

Stepping out into hall, he looked up and down it, trying to get his bearings. … Nope, he still had no idea where he was. However, a trail of dried blood came down from the left, turning to go into the room across from him. Not enough to indicate an immediately fatal wound but enough that it could potentially turn fatal if left untended for too long. He could help and potentially get some direction.

He strode into the room. The light was already on, revealing it to be mostly empty. An experiment room. Said experiment was undoubtedly the metal chamber in the center about the size and shape of a outhouse. Its door hung slightly open, letting a small stream of smoke out. The blood trail led to it.

Gordon approached and pulled the door the rest of the way open. Empty. Nodes ran up and down its interior walls, several of which were the source of the smoke. Whatever the machine had once done, it was probably broken now.

At the bottom of the chamber more blood had collected. Maybe this was the start of the blood trail? … No, it looked like it was still in the process of congealing. Whereas the stuff in the hall had soaked into the concrete and dried. What fate might’ve befallen the injured fellow, Gordon couldn’t even begin to guess.

He could reset to save them though. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d done so for a stranger. Heck, he’d gone all the way back to the start to save as many as he possibly could. So he was basically obligated to. Plus he could avoid being ambushed this time. Though, if he did that how would he find his way back here to stop whoever this was from wandering into a strange experiment? Damn it.

Also as he reached for his pistol, he found nothing. It was missing. A quick check revealed all his weapons to be gone, including the crowbar. Damn it even more. He was defenseless.

Once upon a time not having a weapon was his preferred state of being. Knowing how to use a gun didn’t mean an accident couldn’t happen. Now though it made his blood run cold. He was defenseless. He needed a weapon.

Turning, he fast walked out of the room and back into the hall. There was a health and power station a bit further down. He went to it to top off the HEV suit’s medical and power systems. Headache already easing, he could think a bit clearer.

Finding a gun shouldn’t be hard. He’d found several already. They’d never been uncommon in the facility, not to mention the military bringing in more. So he was going to be fine and on his way to the Lambda Lab again in no time.

The machine on the wall beeped, indicating he’d drained it. Pressing the button on the side of the suit’s collar brought up the helmet. A moment later, its onscreen display switched on, revealing its power level to be 78% and its medical gel capacity to be at 60%. See? He was in good shape thus he was going to be fine.

Lowering the helmet once more he stepped back from and looked up and down the hall once more. With no way of knowing which direction the Lambda Lab lay in he had about a 50/50 chance of going the wrong way. The blood trail indicated something dangerous down that way though so he turned and started down the opposite direction. Hopefully he’d find something that would give him a better sense of direction soon.

***

Gordon woke to darkness, pain, and and deep insistent wrongness in his right hand. He’d much rather roll over and go back to sleep to escape back into nothingness but once the hurt took root, it refused to be ignored so easily. Whimpering, he pushed himself into a sitting position with his good hand.

To his right, light came in from under a door. Holding his injured hand to his chest, he struggled to his feet so he could stumble over to it. Luckily it was unlocked, allowing him to awkwardly pull it open, letting the hall light spill in. He was in one of the office labs. Not one he was familiar with but he’d already traveled through several places in the facility he’d never been to before.

Unfortunately the light also made the temptation to look down at his hand almost impossible to ignore. Not that there was even a hand to look at because it was gone, replaced with a bloody stump. The HEV suit’s medical systems had tried to heal it but there was almost so much medical gel could do for a missing hand.

With another whimper, he looked up and stepped out into the hall. “Uh… guys?” His voice croaked, not quite reaching a normal speaking volume. Not that it mattered because there was no response. He was alone.

The door across from him was open, the light on inside. He stepped over and peeked inside. … An experiment room. In the center was said experiment; a metal chamber about the size and shape of a outhouse. Its door hung slightly open, letting out a small stream of smoke. Gordon wanted nothing to do with whatever it might be so he pulled back into the hall.

“Tommy!” He managed to make his voice a bit louder this time. “Dr. Coomer!”

No response. They’d betrayed him so that wasn’t surprising. Or at least Bubby and Benrey and seemed to be actively involved in that considering all their whispered scheming beforehand and being friendly with the military. Tommy and Dr. Coomer might’ve been in on it too though, especially since they’d stood and watched. Hard to say for sure but either way, they weren’t here. Regardless of if only some or all of them had actively betrayed him, they’d all left him for dead.

A bit further down the hall was a health and power station. Oh thank god. He fast walked over to it. “Please, please, please have some juice, please.” It made a sound as he plugged in. “Oh, thank god.”

Immediately the suit started trying to heal his arm again. It couldn’t grow back the lost hand but it did ease the throbbing pain and slow the drip of blood even further until it wasn’t actively bleeding anymore, allowing him to breath and think a bit easier.

His hand was gone though. Chopped off and tossed aside. And a quick check revealed he didn’t have a gun or anything else to defend himself with. Even if he did though his dominant hand was gone so he wouldn’t have been able to do much anyway. He was screwed, wasn’t he? Doomed.

The machine on the wall beeped, indicating he’d drained it. He fumbled at the HEV suit’s collar with his good hand – eh, good hand, more like his only remaining hand because the other one was gone – until he found the button on that side that activated the helmet. A moment later its onscreen display switched on, revealing its power level to be 50% and its medical gel capacity to be at 20%. Hey look at that, even after healing his stump as much as it could, there was still some healing juice left in the suit. Not much but enough that he wasn’t in as bad a shape as he would’ve thought.

Deactivating the helmet, he stepped back and looked around. What was he supposed to do now? … More than before, he wanted to go home. Not that home was even likely intact anymore since the whole facility seemed to be fucked. But right now his only options were to lie down and wait to die alone or pick a direction, start walking, and hope for the best. Naturally he chose the latter.

Next Chapter

#hlvrai #half life #hlvrai gordon #gordon freeman

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goodluckclove · 5 months

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The thing that's keeping me from writing is pressure from myself. Pressure to write faster. Pressure to write more. Sometimes it's like a vise against my throat that makes me dread writing and makes me do whatever I could to avoid it. Sometimes I meet my own expectations, and that's like a curse in itself, because the hungry monster inside me craves for more. It is never enough. That's toxic productivity for you.

I think I'm getting better at handling it. Getting better at being kinder to myself. Not really looking for advice, just sharing. :3

Yeah man first off - mood. Here's the thing I learned though, and I'm glad you're the first person to bring this up to me because I feel more comfortable being a bit more blunt to you.

So like, toxic productivity does not make your work...better? It just means you have more of it. And eventually you can go back and recraft the initial work you did to make it solid and cool and fun, but at that point you're essentially the car that was swerving through lanes to get ahead faster, only to end up stuck at the same stoplight as everybody else.

I have that monster too, and sometimes it helps to ask it it's motivation. Why is it so hungry? What does it think will happen if you write slower, or stop writing at all for a few days?

It might be that you think if you stop for too long you'll lose the ability to write forever. That's not true but if you think that I don't think I'm the person that can convince you otherwise.

Or maybe it tells you that writing is the most important thing to do in life and nothing else comes close in terms of interest in satisfaction. That's also not true, but that's what my monster tells me so I don't really have any strategies other than ignoring it.

I can tell you from experience, and on a solely practical level, that your monster likely wants you to create at a level that is not physically sustainable. I wrote 220K words in three months making Blind Trust and in that process gave myself tendonitis to the extent where my wife had to open my medication bottles at night.

People see a hardworking writer and they might go yup, that's just how it looks! When I told Wife that they had the full authority to tell me to stop writing whenever I wanted they laughed and told me they would never do that. Then they watched me write for twelve hours straight without eating or getting up to go to the bathroom. This happened multiple times. That's the point where their perspective when from that's just how it looks to oh it seems my spouse has some sort of obsession that might prove to be a problem.

I have pretty bad carpal tunnel because of the amount I write. That's just a thing that develops from repetitive hand motions like typing. I'm supposed to do stretches but those are hard to remember. I'm attempting to get better, but so far the best I can do is remember to break for lunch now.

What I mean to say is, I know drive. Drive will drive you right off a goddamned cliff. Your craft is like a Tesla Cybertruck in that it's a marvel of existence and also it's likely profoundly broken in a few key ways that could get you or someone else killed.

I don't have the kind of advice I have for this like I do other things - but you aren't looking for advice, which is good. I'm mainly using you as a way to reach out to other writers here with similar issues. Because it happens, especially when you start young. Especially when you pick it up quick. But you got to get a handle on it. Otherwise you're one of those guys that says they love that they spent 100k on a truck that's completely inoperable if an issue comes up on the app you need to drive it.

(light roast but it's you rk so i'm assuming you're down for it)

(i love you rk)

#writeblr #writing community #writers on tumblr #on writing #writing asks #writing tips

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luchicm04 · 5 months

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lost in the forest - part 34

Masterlist

Summary: Between celebrations and work, the feelings of two people grow stronger.

Pairing: Senju Tobirama/Original Female Character

Tag: #lost in the forest fic

posted on ao3

Word Count: 5.4k

WE FINALLY REACHED 100K WORDS!!

Overall warnings: canon-typical violence, adult content, time skips, angst

A wedding is so different from an engagement. She realizes this when she sees the rush, chaos and nerves of many of the members of that renowned clan. Karen noticed it just that morning when many redheads in different shades began to arrive. She tries not to get nervous, remembering what happened the last time they were visiting.

She does not want to embitter the emotion that is beginning to flood people.

Plus, she knows she’s not the only one, although Mikami hasn’t said anything... it’s a difficult stage that they both have to overcome in their own way. She gulps thickly, scratching her neck; the phantom sensation of that pain begins to make hee anxious.

She sighs again and again clinging to the scrolls in her hands, stopping just as the council leaves the room where Hashirama is. “Good morning,” she greets as etiquette dictates with a solemn and careful touch.

They are not her favorite people, but they must learn to coexist.

“Mmmm...” Tobirama has been the coldest since then, although there is a glow of recognition that almost goes unnoticed since the time of the attack.

He’s not the only one.

“Good morning, Karen-san,” Jenshi replies on behalf of the four surviving councilors. “Meeting?”

“Yes,” the girl says with a flat face.

“What about?” Hantaro is the one who questions with dignity and a harsh tone. She blinks at him.

“A few points to review of some contracts.”

“As always, I imagine you are behind this madness,” Komura accepts with a wrinkle of the nose. The other three remain silent with slight airs of annoyance. It’s the same as when the Uchiha clan thing happened; the talks with the Hyūga and the attempts with the Nara along with two other external clans have them on the verge of collapse.

They are old and although it is difficult to admit, change is not pleasant... especially when you turn enemies into neighbors and allies.

It’s complicated. There is still blood and although people no longer say anything, they remember... She knows it and Karen tends to notice it sometimes.

“Karen?” someone calls from inside. Hashirama leans over the edge of that traditional door with a harsh gesture to the four elders. They remain dignified without any extra comments.

“We shall be taking our leave. Remember our words, Hashirama-sama.” Hantaro gives his word to leave without commenting on anything else on the matter. Karen stands still for a few seconds to release a long sigh.

“Difficult?” the girl mocks entering the meeting room, a traditional one and larger than the one they had in the old house. The furniture is notable, the new smell is almost erased from so much use in recent days, and after a few days from the move, every part of the place still feels new.

Just like back home... Karen can’t help but smile internally about it.

“Somewhat,” the man accepts with a slight snort. “Did you check them?”

“Yeah. Both the Hyuga and Nara have interesting enchange proposals,” the girl relays firmly. “Though there are shinobi terms that I suppose you also noticed.”

“Yes.”

“I see.” Karen stays still in front of that huge desk. Hashirama does the same and it no longer bothers her... although he looks at her with a strangeness and longing that she prefers to ignore. “I don’t understand why you asked me to check them, especially since you are shinobi.”

“They, like us, have people who are not shinobi in essence. I would like them to consider ‘civilian’ missions, although they are not so required, so they can adapt them by joining us in the future.”

“Oh...” Karen sees the point of why she reviews the notes. “They don’t mention any of that.”

“No, it’s something I’ll be proposing.”

“It would be nice if you considered it, along with first aid training.”

“The Naras do not see that viable, considering their techniques.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” the man says mysteriously, leaning against the desk with a light and serious face.

“What is it?” the woman decides to ask, noticing that the topic of the clans that will possibly be joining does not excite him.

“N-nothing.”

“Hashirama, you haven’t jumped with excitement at this,” Karen points out the obvious, moving the scrolls in her hand to focus on what she wants to say. “I know I’m a civilian, but I see that you’re worried about something.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Is it the wedding?”

“No. Kaori-san and Mito... they have everything in order already.”

“Tobirama?”

“He will return tonight.”

“Then?” the girl asks with a serious face.

“Does it worry you?”

“You are my first friend... the only one who would treat me decently back then,” she accepts with a slight honest touch, reminding herself of everything she has experienced in this world. Of course, she does not forget that he almost never appeared in that prison, previously her home, but Karen feels this person was always sincere with her.

In a way she now knows a shinobi shouldn’t be.

Hashirama looks at her for a long time. “Have you ever fallen in love?” he asks in a clear tone, looking at her while seeking something in her eyes. “I know I engaged you to Tobi...”

“Uh... why do you ask?”

“...” The leader of the Senju clan sighs without mentioning anything else. The silence is so uncomfortable that it makes her want to leave this strange atmosphere.

“I... never,” she shrugs. “It was always a waste of time to me, to my work and family.”

“Mph... I don’t know why that doesn’t seem strange coming from you.”

“I don’t know if I should feel offended by that,” the girl rolls her eyes.

“Hasn’t there been someone... that has... loved you?”

“I don’t know. I never showed enough interest in that,” Karen says, disturbed by such a conversation subject. Hashirama doesn’t usually ask about personal stuff, just like Tobirama. Both keep out the topic of her family, interests and so on.

“I see.” Hashirama approaches her. Karen trusts the man who stands a few centimeters away.

“You know you don’t have to be nervous about the wedding, right?” the civilian blinks with a comfortable smile at the man. She doesn’t feel any worries about this approach, but his eyes shine strangely because of her question. “I’m sure Mito is the right one for you, and for the clan,” she adds slowly.

“...” The leader snorts lightly and takes a strand of her hair to play with, with an air that she interprets as friendly. Karen wants to hit his hand but stays still without bothering to get out of his grip, attributing these oddities to nervousness and without seeing the wrong in the actions.

Things that are still not important in her eyes.

“Hashirama?” Madara interrupts with a slight arch between the two.

“Good morning, Madara-san,” Karen greets, not paying attention to the approach and strange behavior of her partner who walks away sadly.

“Am I interrupting something?” the newcomer questions.

“No, your friend is just very nervous,” the civilian says carelessly, handing the scrolls to the blushing Senju leader. “Review them. I made some notes to take into account for the clans.”

“S-sure.”

“Good,” the girl accepts to look at the Uchiha, who stares suspiciously. “Is there something wrong?”

“That’s the same thing I’m wondering,” the one with disheveled hair says with a double tone.

“Huh?”

“It’s better if you go, Karen. I’ll check them and let you know,” the Senju leader states, taking her out and directing her to the door with a shy face. She simply shrugs not minding what happened, nor with enthusiasm to decipher it because it is one of those things that are better left hidden from her understanding.

She is deceiving herself... she notices it but remains silent.

It’s not for the best... at least she left the house without any kind of impediment. She sighs, remembering the newly arrived redheads being escorted to the back of the house where they will be housed.

The wedding will soon be here.

──

Mito is a nervous wreck as the hours begin to end the day. She doesn’t laugh because she is euphoric, giving another check to her clothes, yukata and other things that make her growing anxiety noticeable. She knows this is so different for each bride, so she sighs, entering what is her house and the place where the bride is staying.

Something about being her best friend, which she didn’t know she was classified as.

Karen didn’t even bother.

“How long has she been like this?” the civilian questions Kaori who sighs, watching the girl take another turn around the room where her things are located. The noice is notable when Mito mutters a list with her face focused on each spot in that room.

Her red hair is a mess, and the movement of her mouth is feverish.

She’s never seen a bride like that... or maybe it’s because she’s a shinobi.

She does not know.

“For a while now.”

“You better bring some tea... a relaxing one,” the civilian clearly agrees with the old woman, who blinks.

“Yes?”

“She needs it. Otherwise, I’m sure she won’t sleep, and it will be chaos.”

“But...”

“I know you are shinobis; it is not the same with a civilian... but Mito-san will get more anxious, and that is difficult to hide with makeup. She must sleep and rest.”

“I see,” the assistant accepts calmly, turning on her heels. Mikami is nowhere to be found and that is for the better. It is not the best time, so she remains silent and faces the euphoric kunoichi.

“Mito-san?” She takes a step forward. She doesn’t look at her for a while, walking to where her ribbons rest. “Mito-san?” she calls a second time. “MITO-SAN?!” she shouts just as she is ignored for a longer time. The fine lady stops dead blinking, finally noticing her.

“Karen...” She chuckles sadly. “I apologize, I did not hear you.”

“I noticed,” she accepts with the strangeness of her having lowered her guard. For a kunoichi, she has many dangerous manias, which she sees she controls with finesse. “You should rest.”

“But I still...”

“Everything’s ready.”

“But...”

“Yesterday, you put the ribbons in that silver box. The headdress is in the gray one in the back next to the dresser, along with the yukata,” the civilian recalls calmly. Mito blushes easily.

“I am sorry... for that.”

“Don’t worry. It’s normal for a bride-to-be.”

“Surely Hashirama is not currently like this, right?”

“He’s nervous,” Karen agrees, remembering his strange attitude this morning.

“Really?”

“Yes,” the civilian laughs calmly, sitting in a lotus position at the edge of the room. There are many things lying around that she knows will be used tomorrow. “By the way, where are your assistants?”

“They will arrive tomorrow.”

“On time.”

“Y-yes.” Mito sighs, forcing herself to sit down just when Kaori brings some tea. “Along with my brother and Oto-san.”

“Oh, I thought they would come on the wedding day.”

“No. They want to talk to Hashirama about political matters.”

“I see.”

“Yes.” Mito takes a sip of her drink. “Relaxing?”

“You need to rest and sleep,” Karen states without the guilt of ordering this. “For the bride, it is important to have eight hours of beauty sleep considering that you will be the star of the event.”

Mito laughs lightly. “Thank you... for being my support.”

Karen blinks at that comment. “Don’t mention it. Besides, one of the two has to be the sensitive one.”

“I am a trained kunoichi. This is embarrassing,” the redhead says.

“Even if you are the most trained and strongest one, you are still the future bride. It’s normal to be nervous.”

“Yes,” the Uzumaki accepts. “I... I have waited for this for a long time,” she states again with a light tone, looking at the hanging yukata... so fine and elegant, with light tones and expensive embroidery. “And soon... I shall be a Senju.”

Karen doesn’t say anything because she remembers very well what they have talked about since she arrived and in that first meeting. Her entire world is Hashirama... and deep inside, she thinks that her world is so small. She doesn’t judge her; she knows she loves the Senju leader and it’s noticeable.

She is happy for both of them, and hopes they are happy.

“Oh...” Mito blushes as she remembers something to herself that makes her raise her eyebrow. “I had not thought about the wedding night,” she comments, making her laugh.

“Well, maybe we can have a sleepover. Like a bachelorette party.”

“Bachelo... what?” The woman blinks with an innocent gesture at her comment. Karen laughs. She sees that this will be complicated to explain and prepare for tonight; she just needs help from Mikami... and Kaori. She’s sure they will need to help her.

──

She is leaning against the railing of the house. The noise inside consists of embarrassing talks of women exchanging tips on how to please their future husband. Both Touka and Kaori are versed in the art of flirting and courtship that it has made the interaction so lively... although Mito is still blushing about the whole thing.

Leaving aside resting for today.

She didn’t think that such an infamous woman would be oblivious to what she will have to do to ‘fulfill’ her duty. Plus, this is not well regarded by people outside her small circle of friends. She giggles... this is what bachelorette parties are for.

To clarify doubts and exchange things that may be useful for the future bride.

It was embarrassing at first, considering the traditionalist culture, but it was brought to fruition by the other ladies. She laughs, feeling dizzy from the little sake she has ingested, which is what brought her to go out for air. Bad idea.

Karen feels that her world is moving, causing her to feel vertigo and even looking at the ground... it continues to wobble.

How coarse.

“You should not be out here,” someone calls from her side. She smells a little of antiseptic, which makes her snort slightly. Sighing, she tries to lift her face, but it only makes her dizzier. “Did you drink?”

“No?”

“Karen.”

“Uh... just a little, Tobirama,” she laughs amused at the man with a harsh gesture, making her frown slightly. “Don’t look so angry, I’m fine.”

“Why are you drunk, then?”

“I’m not... just dizzy,” she explains calmly while the man doesn’t take his hands off her arms, sighing. “Welcome home?” She doesn’t know what else to say when the silence becomes long. If she had her mind clear and not focusing on not vomiting, she would question more things... like his presence there and why he is looking at her that way.

“... So careless.”

“It’s not that big of a deal... plus, I haven’t left the house.”

“Did you not learn from last time?”

“Tobirama...” she sighs, wanting to free herself from his sudden grip. “I’ll be fine, I just... needed air.”

“You must go to sleep.”

“I can’t... I have visitors,” she clarifies upon hearing the laughter of the most shameless woman in that small group.

“It is not a request.”

“You can’t just order me around, you know?” the woman complains, but getting out of his grip is difficult. “Can you let me go?”

“No.”

“Tobirama...” The woman frowns, but it is the man who sighs somehow in his dignified bearing. He releases her and she takes a few steps back... being caught by said shinobi before falling in her butt. “Uh...” She feels she is being carried carefully after such a painful action.

“Idiot.”

“Rude...” she growls reluctantly, leaning back when she feels the heat and feeling angry at being treated like a child, but she feels like she will throw up if she keeps fighting. She is drunk, but she still has a little sense... she is not a stubborn drunkard.

That’s good.

“You haven’t bathed,” she complains when she smells the body of the person carrying her. She closes her eyes, a slight hiccup coming out of her mouth while the sound of the girls can still be heard. Haven’t they moved? ...perhaps not.

“...” Tobirama as always ignores her comments.

“Tobirama-sama?” someone calls. Karen would like to open her eyes, but she just sighs without the desire to face whoever is watching such a sorry scene.

“I will take her to bed.”

“A-alright.” That was Mikami’s voice.

Tobirama doesn’t say anything as he keeps walking firmly. She doesn’t hear his steps... she never does, so the silence lulls the girl a little more, until she feels her bed easily.

“Thank you,” she says, oblivious to the type of look she is being subjected to. Karen turns around to grab a small sheet nearby. The shinobi surely gave it to her, but she ripped it out of his hands. She’s cold, she’s dizzy and her eyes burn.

Like that time... but two degrees less painful.

The man just stands there. She doesn’t know if he’s going to stay, but Karen doesn’t know much about anything anymore.

Sleepy.

──

She wakes up the next day with a slight headache and an anxiety for a fresh glass of water. She sighs... she begins walking barefoot, not caring about changing her clothes, when she hears a noise, turning to notice an absent Mikami.

“Uh...” Karen comments right in the hallway. “I’m sorry I didn’t stay until the end,” she says casually with a gesture worthy of someone with a hangover. Her friend laughs.

“Do not worry. You were in good hands,” the woman accepts firmly as they both begin their walk towards the kitchen.

“Mito-san and the others?”

“Touka is still asleep. Mito-sama came out to greet her father and brother.”

“Right, I forgot about the reception.”

“You do not have to worry about it. Mito-san understands that you were not in very good conditions,” her friend laughs amused with a mischievous touch.

“Did I miss something?”

“No... nothing.”

“It feels like I did,” she complains as she enters the kitchen without noticing the way her friend looks at her.

“You know, despite it being a complicated matter... your wedding with Tobirama-sama...” Mikami states as if she was not talking about something curious so early in the morning while preparing some strong tea... that special one that only shinobi know of for hangovers and she learnt about that celebration day with the Uchiha clan. “He takes care of you.”

Karen doesn’t say anything, reminding herself of the night before. “He’s always been like that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He thinks I can’t help myself,” she complains, remembering the comments he said. “That I’m stupid.”

“Uh...” Mikami blinks. “Does he say that?”

“Yes,” she shrugs. “It’s annoying... but I think I’m the same,” she laughs amusedly to herself, taking another sip of that drink that is a pleasant invention. It would be a success in her world, being so effective in quenching thirst and headache. At least it would be functional on this busy day.

Mikami laughs. “No one would believe that about the infamous Uchiha Killer.”

“...” Karen blinks at the nickname.

“That was his nickname during the war, before peace,” the kunoichi in front of her explains. “Do not tell him I told you.”

“...Don’t worry,” she shrugs. “Mito-san... how did she like it last night?”

“It was fun,” her friend accepts. “I did not think we could do that.”

“Where I come from it is common, although it is celebrated differently.” Karen remembers the few bachelorettes she went to in the past; all animated, with lottery and those spicy activities typical of those events. Not so scandalous as to bring a stripper, but rather a pleasant routine with friends.

To say goodbye to being single.

“I am glad you suggested it,” the kunoichi laughs. “Mito-sama was very anxious, especially about the topic of the wedding night.”

“I noticed.”

“It is a taboo... fur us to talk about what is expected that night.”

“...” Karen doesn’t say anything.

“What we know are things we learned from the elderly... for ‘that’ type of missions,” she states with a clear and dignified tone. “Not to do it... with our partners.”

“It’s complicated I guess... considering the cultural difference,” Karen says. “But it is important to help the future bride cope with her tension. And what better than with friends?” she chuckles amused at her position.

Mikami laughs just as happily and less tense considering the time that is approaching and the memories that are being relived, focusing on day-to-day conversations and how the workload is increasing. But that will end just when the wedding passes.

She hopes so.

──

Uzumaki Aoki laughs just as she arrives at the meeting room. She can see Madara standing in the background along with Hashirama talking to a serious, newly arrived leader. Uzumaki Ashina is remarkable, which tells her not to interrupt whatever they are talking about.

She only came in because the council told her that they were expecting her.

“Oh, my dear... prettier with every day.” Cheeky as he usually is, the man gives her a light wink, looking enthusiastic as always and giving a soft gesture in her direction.

“Aoki-san,” she greets firmly with a slight bow.

“Leave the –san. I have already told you in my letters,” the boy assures, letting her pass and sit next to him. “By the way, did you like the last gift I gave you?”

“Your family sent me many.”

“Well... I apologize for not being present on your engagement.”

“Not at all. I know you are an important person in Uzu.”

“Nah, still,” the boy calmly assures.

“Karen?” Tobirama questions, entering with a harsh gesture to the one who laughs amusedly next to her. Aoki gives a cheeky wave with a perpetual smile without bothering to leave her side. “Let us talk.”

Karen sighs. It’s surely something about what happened last night. She doesn’t remember much so she doesn’t hesitate to get up. Besides, they have things to check about her new yukatas and the earrings that Kaori claims they must already see. Their wedding with be two months after Hashirama’s.

So, there are many things to prepare.

And they haven’t spoken about it because he was on a mission.

“Wow Tobirama... who would say that you are... protective,” the Uzumaki mocks.

“Do not be a nuisance, Aoki.”

“So serious,” he pouts. “Karen-san, if you need help, don’t hesitate to ask,” he says with a serious tone, giving a warning gesture that she didn’t completely ignore.

“Aoki,” the albino warns.

The Uzumaki laughs shamelessly to turn around and walk to where the other three leaders were looking with varying degrees of strangeness. Karen sighs and frowns at the shinobi.

“What was that for?”

Tobirama, as always, doesn’t say anything and walks outside. She sees Izuna enter with a mocking gesture at who stays on the sidelines of the political issues discussed inside. “Do not say anything,” he growls at him, who lets out a satirical laugh.

They are both strangers in their relationship, but at least she sees that there is a tentative friendship based on sarcasm and bad comments.

One that she had already noticed but is glad it didn’t break during the course.

“Tobirama?” she questions when she is taken out of the room. She huffs because she is sure they needed her for something, which makes her cross her arms with a serious gesture.

“Last night... you drank too much.”

“No?”

“...” The albino arches his eyebrow, not at all surprised.

“I will not discuss something that I made clear last night.”

“Do you remember?”

“A little... fuzzy, but yes.”

“Mph...”

“By the way, where were you going so late?”

“To check on the wedding.”

“Oh... Kaori-san told me that we need to take final measurements and adjustments last week.”

“I see.”

“Also, the food...”

“I will see to it with her.”

“Yes,” she sighs, looking at the tall shinobi. “What?”

Tobirama snorts. “I do not know if you are an idiot or just pretending.”

“What’s that about?”

“Nothing,” the man’s face does not express any discomfort, but it gives him an air of irritation.

“How did your mission go?”

“It does not bother you.”

“We are going to be associates.”

“...” Tobirama frowns at the nickname he doesn’t like, but he doesn't care to correct it.

“I will be your wife. At least put some consideration in your words.”

“I will not tell you anything.”

“At least a ‘good’, ‘more or less’, ‘bad’...” she shrugs. “We will be husband and wife. I already don’t ask for too much because you are very reluctant to share something with me,” she complains.

“It is a bother.”

“Maybe, but you’ll be stuck with me during this time,” she admits with a solemn gesture and a contrary feeling, because saying it out loud is uncomfortable. She didn’t think she’d feel that way, but it’s better to clarify this now that there’s a chance. “It would be nice to be friends...”

“...” Tobirama frowns irritated, which surpriseds her.

“Is there something wrong?” The people around her are acting weird, and Karen just asks directly because she feels like she’s missing something.

“No, nothing.”

“Mmmmm... Tobirama.”

“I will not talk to you about it.”

“You have to talk,” Karen presses her lips, but it is her partner’s gesture that makes her snort. “Fine, whenever you want.”

“Karen?” Tobirama stops her escape before letting out a long sigh to walk next to her. The civilian does not say anything but continues with her bad mood for a little while before re-entering. Saying that her fiancé did not leave her side is strange.

For the entire meeting, he was her shadow.

Karen really... didn’t know how to interpret it.

Progress? She doesn’t know.

──

He is protective, she notices as the days go by and the work increases. The Hyuga clan has agreed to the terms and will begin visiting them a week after Hashirama’s wedding, so she is working with a shadow next to her sitting on the edge of the patio with a concentrated gesture.

They both don’t speak to each other, working on their own thing.

“Karen,” the shinobi says harshly.

“Hmm?”

“Did you review the entry numbers?”

“Yes, I just finished them,” she points to a scroll next to her.

“I will take them.”

“I can do it...”

The shinobi, as always, does not listen to her.

“I also have to take Madara-san's report.”

“I will take them.”

“I’ll go,” the girl sighs, looking at them with a firm arch. “What is it?” She is direct.

“Nothing.”

“You have been like my shadow, and I am sure you would prevent me from leaving the house.”

“The wedding is tomorrow.”

“I know.”

“Hashirama needs to deliver this quickly for his days off.”

“Oh...” Karen sees the logic. “Well... then, I’ll go alone with Madara-san.”

“I will also deliver it.”

“You have enough work for you to be doing this. I’ll hand over those at the Uchihas.”

“Karen.”

“Tobirama.”

“Mmmm...” The man frowns.

“I am no longer your prisoner,” she reminds the person who purses his lips with a harsh gesture.

“Do what you want...”

“Good,” she easily accepts, not guilty of using that mistake to her advantage, getting up just to take said scrolls and go discuss the points still pending with Madara.

“Are you going now?”

“Yeah.”

“Were you not working?”

“I can leave it for now. This is actually urgent,” she says with a quick shrug. “And since you will help me deliver Hashirama’s stuff, it is better that I at least finish this and focus on the rest, right?”

Tobirama does not frown, but she can see a slight wrinkle between his eyebrows. “Mph...” He ignores her to concentrate on his own work. She sighs because she does not know what strange thoughts are going through his mind. It was better to continue with her things.

And to finish on time. At least he didn’t offer to take her... because she’s sure he has too much work.

A point in her favor.

──

The Uchiha compound has a different air to the Senju clan. Its houses are made of wood with a more rustic, traditional touch than the ones presented by her usual home. Elegant in its own way. It is usually silent with several children staring at her shamelessly.

“Karen-san,” someone calls behind her. Izuna, her usual companion within the walls, gives her a formal greeting.

“Good morning.”

“The idiot?” he questions, not seeing the usual shadow around her.

“He has a lot of work,” she shrugs.

“Oh...” The Uchiha laughs amused. “Are you coming to see my brother?”

“Yes, I’m just here to deliver this.”

“Right now, he is in a meeting in the neutral building,” Izuna states with a soft gesture. “Didn’t the guards tell you?”

“No.”

“Mmmm...” Izuna looks upset. “If you want, I’ll hand them over.”

“Oh, I wanted to explain some things to him.”

“If he needs something, he will look for you.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“I see.” She shrugs at how easily this task is solved. Izuna only gives her a light look. “What is it?”

“Emmmm... he hasn’t talked to you?”

“He?”

“Hashirama.”

“No? ...I haven’t seen him since the leaders of the Uzumaki clan arrived.”

“I see.”

“Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened,” the infamous Uchiha laughs, hiding his interest to turn on his heels and direct her to the exit. “The idiot?”

“No.”

“I see.”

“...Izuna-san?”

“I imagine that you are only limited to going to the neutral building, right?”

“Uh... well, they’ve had a lot of work and Tobirama says they need everything urgently.”

Izuna chuckles amused. “Those morons.”

“?”

“Nah, don’t worry... I think things are tense because of the wedding.”

“Yes, everyone is nervous.”

“Uh-huh,” the man agrees to stop at the door. “You better go to the Senju clan. We don’t want your boyfriend to get angry.”

Karen does not say anything to the tone used. She walks a little further to stop right on the cobblestone path that leads to the neutral office. The one in which both leaders work hard and that she is sure, now that more clans will be added, will be needing to increase the number of its floors.

She sighs... she doesn’t know what to think about all this attitude, but she stays silent. She doesn’t want to figure it out. Maybe it’s a shinobi matter that they don’t want to share, right?

──

It is at dawn that she feels someone enter her bedroom. She sighs in alarm just to see an absent shadow at the edge of her room. “Tobirama?” she asks, recognizing him even in the shadows of her room illuminated by the full moon.

He doesn’t say anything. “Did I wake you up?”

“Uh... yes,” she accepts with a long yawn. “What are you doing here?”

“...Sleep,” he deflects her question with a firm order.

Karen looks at him with strangeness and a solemn arch. “Tobirama.”

“Everything is alright,” the man assures, leaning against the edge of her room with an indifferent look, as if he were the guardian of something far from her understanding.

“This whole week you’ve been acting strange, you know?” she says, taking note of what he has been doing during this time.

“...”

“It would be nice if you trusted me... even if it’s just that.”

“It is not something that concerns you.”

She snorts indignantly at his attitude. “Are you running away from someone?”

“No.”

“Kaori-san told me that you changed many things about the wedding.”

The albino looks at her. “Just some things.”

Karen sighs without turning to look away. “Are we under attack?”

“No.”

“Tobirama.”

“Just sleep...”

“You’re in my room... you came in at midnight... do you think I’ll let it slide?”

“Do not ask.”

“Shinobi stuff?”

“Yes.”

“Mmmmm...” Karen doesn’t believe him, but she sees that the man is an iceberg trained not to share any of his information. “Well... I’ll pretend that I believe you,” she comments while yawning.

“...” Tobirama doesn’t say anything. However, he remains in his position expectantly. Karen did not know what time she fell asleep, unaware that there was an argument shortly after outside her house. Hashirama was sad... upset by what his heart may feel and Tobirama was there as a guardian, to ensure that he did not do something stupid whereas the focus of attention was just asleep, without paying attention to his interests.

One thing that can be misunderstood... or not?

And so, the awaited day arrived outside of the personal feelings of those involved, of the unusual tensions of a confused groom, while the woman causing his confusion... is completely oblivious to any hint that she could perceive or small actions that could be confused with an interest beyond friendship.

The wedding took place... and with it comes change.

A/N: A chapter before the wedding!! As you saw, our OC is oblivious to anything because she is very good at playing blind and not paying attention to certain interests. She may be older, but there are issues that are complicated for the civilian to deal with... Love being one of them.

And she is shameless about it. Tobirama is a guardian and has seen his brother’s interest and the confusion that grows with the approach of the wedding... not being noticed by Karen, but by those closest to him (Izuna and Madara). The latter would have mocked him if Hashirama wasn’t so volatile (something he hadn’t seen in his always boisterous friend.) Plus, he gave scandalous suggestions to the Senju about it (how to run away and not exactly with his official fiancée).

Tobirama is the voice of reason in this, so he just stands firm by his fiancée’s side, guarding his real interest and what is beginning to become stronger in his heart... grateful that the woman is oblivous to everything that is happening. Not because she is stupid, but because of her own interest in things outside of romance and that his brother is loyal to the affairs of the village and what it would cause if he broke up with Mito.

The self-sacrifice that means for the leader of the clan, even if his heart is in the way, without fully declaring himself... Hashirama is in love, but not with Mito :s

Karen just doesn’t want to look any further.

Thanks for your comments.

Author-chan out!

#lost in the forest fic #warring states period #angst #senju tobirama #tobirama x reader #tobirama x oc #ocs #hashirama senju #naruto #naruto shippuden #naruto fanfiction #uchiha madara #uchiha izuna #mito uzumaki #luchipuchi's writing

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ljandersen · 1 year

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whats ur status on sideways 👀? No joke i think abt it daily.

Thank you for reaching out, Anon! It means a lot to me, knowing that a story I wrote is thought about every day. I think about it every day, too, being the author! It's still the story I'm proudest to have written.

As for the status on Sideways, it currently exists as a hand-written, rough first draft stored in a fire-proof safe. It needs massive changes -- complete scene rewrites and a ton of new scenes (mostly for the paragon timeline). It's currently on my back burner while I focus on an original project.

All the adjustments I made editing the 750k words in Part 1-4 has culminated in a major undertaking editing Part 5.

For instance, the reason Shepard joins the Alliance on Rannoch is different after my changes in Part 4. Before, I didn't have a very good reason for her being there and, because of that peripheral role, she wasn't directly involved in a lot of the things happening. Now she's acting Counselor. She's front and center.

It's a good change, the right change, which is why I did it. However, now a lot of the plot-centric happenings, which were only heard about or referenced through another character, need full scenes with Shepard being impactful and altering the outcomes (much better than being a removed observer).

This will require several new scenes and throwing out old ones that are now unnecessary. Then I need to relocate any extra bits of vital information not in the new scene, to other places in the story.

In addition to whole new scenes, I need to majorily revise whole scenes. There's a party scene on Rannoch, which now the goal behind it and what Shepard is doing during it, has changed. That series of scenes need rewritten.

That example of Shep's purpose on Rannoch changing scenes downstream is just one -- and a mostly spoiler free one -- of the dozens of changes I need to accomodate.

Also, the paragon timeline in particular requires a lot of new writing, maybe 50 k words of new scenes (so, the equivalent of a full novel).

Toward the end of writing the first draft of Sideways, I was starting to get worn down. Writing four storylines sometimes made it feel like I was spending weeks going nowhere, because I wasn't moving forward in the main Renegade timeline. Because of that frustration and wanting to reach the end, I chose to focus less on the paragon timeline, knowing I would need to add more to it during the editing. I left myself with some major work to do on that storyline to do it justice.

All of those reasons aside, the main reason Sideways Part 5 isn't ready is because I shifted focus for the time being. I'm serializing an original sci fi series and trying to establish myself an author. I intended to do this after I finished posting Sideways, but with the emergence of AI, I don't think the opportunity will be there for me if I wait.

Visibility for writing is going to become impossible and slow human writers, like me, will be washed away under the tide of AI mega production. There's an influential author in the indie world, for example, who has stated his intention to produce 10k novels a year, on par with the big publishing houses. That's one person, who with a handful of contractors previously put out a few dozen books a year, if that many, who now intends to do 10k a year!

My opportunity to find readers is now, while AI is still clunky and not universal, before people selling a back catalog of 100k books and with the ad spending to match drive human writers out of the market.

Because of this new priority, I've had to funnel my creativity and focus into my original writing. I'm not someone who can do two things at once. I'm all in on one project at a time. That's probably apparent from my fanfic, where I've only posted one WIP at a time, start to finish before the next. I can't divide my passion on concurrent WIP.

That doesn't mean I don't think about Sideways though -- I do, daily! -- and I intend to finish it. For now, though, unfortunately, Sideways is a draft in some notebooks in a safe. It's not a simple undertaking to edit it, and I need to focus on a personal goal.

Your interest in Sideways is something I treasure, though, and appreciate beyond words. I'm so glad my story isn't forgotten. I love knowing it's still on readers' minds. It makes me feel like, what had so much meaning to me as its writer, truly must carry that meaning through to the reader, too, which is the greatest joy in sharing a story.

Thank you for taking time to check in on Sideways and for letting me know how much it still means to you.

Also, here is a picture of my new puppy as a tiny consolation for not having Sideways ready:

#my writing #ask #anon ask #on sideways

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wondrouswendy · 5 months

Text

April 2024 Update

This week I wrote ~10k words for Out of My Hands and Into Your Heart's sequel and drafted one of the final chapters of the entire story due to sudden burst of inspiration and energy. I've thought about the ending of my entire series off and on, but I hadn't yet put the ideas to paper until last night. Of course that's super down the road.

I'm in full swing with writing my sequel. I think in the next upcoming months, if not sooner, I'll be finished with it and ready to share it.

I suppose writing the Runaway Rabbit also did surprisingly take up a large chunk of this word count. It's deceptive when you're writing how word counts can just sneak up on you. I have enjoyed writing this story, and even though it's wrapping up soon, it's been a fun diversion to explore an idea to its conclusion. I've always wanted to write a sex pollen fic (shamelessly just gonna say that) because I always thought it fit the Control universe easily. There's so much altered material out there that can influence squishy mortals. I enjoy writing rom-com style novellas, and this was another joy to write. I'm happy with how it turned out.

There have also been smaller one shots I've worked on, other chapters for the sequel to the sequel, and other projects on the side. I've been working on commissions too which has been a fun experience, honing in on an idea and a specific scene with specific characters. It's a different kind of focus than how my writing can sometimes flow with my inspiration. It's been a huge help in training my writing skills, so I'm very gracious to have received the opportunities as of late.

As a result, I hit 100k words for the year, four months into 2024. Pretty shocked to say the least because it somehow hasn't felt like 100k words. As of today, I've written 104k words. This has been the fastest I've ever reached 100k in a year.

Thanks again Remedy for the brainworms 😊 and to everyone who has read my stories this year. The encouragement has been incredibly helpful and motivating. It's been amazing to focus on writing and I hope this energy continues as I march towards my initial goal and a new goal after it!

#wondrouswendy's writing #out of my hands and into your heart fic #the runaway rabbit fic

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sabrinasfadingmoon · 6 months

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I recently got back to my original book and have passed 100k words (currently at 112k). I’m very happy with myself. I was stuck at 90k words for so long I honestly was feeling really down about it. I know people really only care about my fanfic, and are probably annoyed I haven’t updated things but between working and hyperfixations im so happy that I finally found the motivation to write my book.

Like this is a love letter to witches and supernatural shit that I’ve been trying to write for what almost is three fucking years. Which is— insane, I was stuck on 90k words for most of the last year. But I did it! I’m writing chapter ten now and so thrilled I’m reaching/nearing everything I’ve wanted for this project.

It’s hard though, because I can’t get anyone I trust to read it. Which makes me feel like it isn’t good and I’m partly wasting time on a project nobody would love half as much as I do. I think I’m holding it to close to my heart in fear someone will crush me/steal it all away from me.

Also yes, I am kind of ranting. But I just wanted to share about my original book since it’s been awhile since I talked about it on here. I honestly recently thought about maybe sharing the first chapter on ao3 to get some criticism/opinions but I don’t know how that would work… or if I’d be able to get a publisher years after (I wanna try and find one whenever that day comes but if not I’ll self publish so you besties better be ready in three years or whatever. Idk how long it’ll take)

Fanfic to published author pipeline I am coming for you

#fadingmoon fics #that tag doesn’t make sense but it’s writing related ???#ao3 to published author pipeline #do we hate it or do we love it?#WENCLAIR I AM SORRY I WILL COME BACK TO YOU #BELIEVE ME I SWEAR #when I was little I used to spell author as Arthur fun fact

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lilolilyr · 10 months

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20 questions for fic writers

Thanks so much for tagging me, @purlturtle :) you have 1/8 of the amount of fics I have but a higher wordcount, do you write super long fics or do I write super short ones? xD I think the answer is Yes To Both! :D

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

574 when counting the normal ones as well as both the ones posted for ao3 users only, and the ones posted on anon! (If you also have anon works and want to know your total, you can get to the view in the screenshot when you have or are part of a collection and click on ‘people’ of the collection)

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

1,346,577

largely due to the craziness that was 2021 when I was supposed to write my bachelor thesis and instead(I did manage to write my thesis) also wrote over half a million words in fanfic.

And I’m almost at my goal of 100k for the year! Which I didn’t think I’d reach, but flufftober helped a lot there :D

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Too many xD

atm I’m actively writing for Warehouse 13, Holby City, Star Trek, Lie to Me and Hacks

Some other fandoms I’m still in and will probably write more fics for are Good Omens, Gunpowder Milkshake, The Old Guard and Lord of the Rings

You can find my whole fandom list on Ao3, 70 fandoms if I counted correctly!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

All three parts of the Inkubus Jaskier series (The Witcher, rated M-E) have 600-1000 kudos, I do like these fics but I think the fandom is also just very large.

As it Should be, a 00Q meets Q is a Holmes (James Bond + BBC Sherlock) fanfic, and probably my fav fanfic I’ve written that deserves the ‘humor’ tag, has 617 kudos

Spooky Eyes, the one and only Venom fanfic I’ve written (I have not watched the movie and I haven’t even spent thaat much time in the fandom either) has 588 kudos, and has been my most kudosed fic with over 500 kudos for quite a while before the others overtook it

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I usually do, yes! I love getting comments and want to encourage people to comment by replying to them, and also lovely conversations can happen in the comment sections, as well as mini ficlets of their own! So yes I do want to reply :)

If I don’t, it’s probably just that I didn’t yet, either because I didn’t find the time or because while I did reply to other comments I’m waiting to reply to some because I want to wait until I have the next update in the fic/series/fandom so I can let the commenters know in my reply that there’s more

Or if a comment is really long and detailed and I want to reply in the same detail but don’t currently have the energy for it, or there’s sth complicated in the comment I want to address, I might not answer it yet even though I’ve replied to other comments since

Also sometimes a comment is just really neat and I want to keep looking at it in my Unreads :D

But I do plan to answer all comments eventually:) (unless I ever get so swamped in them that I can’t, but I’ve by no means reached that level of comment spam - I have gotten 2686 comments total, 298 unread, of the unreads probably a hundred are real old ones that are left unread for one reason or other, then probably another hundred I want to reply to if/when I post more, and the rest I’m just gonna reply Eventually xD I’ll have you know that I did reply to most flufftober ones more or less immediately while the event was still going and I even went through some of the backlog while I was at it!)

The only times I don’t answer a comment is when I don’t know whether the commenter meant to be rude (if I know they’re being rude on purpose I just delete, not counting those here) and/or I genuinely don’t know how to reply, if it’s a co-authored work and someone else already replied and I have nothing to add, or if it’s a reply to a reply to a comment and the conversation has petered out

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think I’ve got a post-canon TOG ficlet with Romeo and Juliet vibes where everybody dies in the end?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I live for happy endings, no idea what counts as ‘happiest’, all my shippy little getting together and/or everybody lived nobody died fix-its are pretty darn happy imo :D

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Not usually, there have been some that I know I immediately deleted and now can’t remember anymore bc I was clever and immediately deleted lmao, but idk whether anything was ever bad enough to be called hate… and I never had to restrict comments on any fic before

9. Do you write smut?

Oh hell yeah! :D

Though, and I’m always surprised by this, I’ve only got 71 (out of the 574) E rated fics! And 56 M that might have a smut scene or some violence idk, and the 81 not rated ones are more often left that way for violence or angst reasons than for smut… so yeah, main chunks are G & T rated with 198 and 168 fics respectively!

Still, I definitely do write smut, and there’s some quite good erotica there if I may say so!

10. Do you write crossovers?

Rarely, I think most of what shows in the ‘crossover’ tab is just fic I tagged with more of basically the same fandom (Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery, etc), and the rest is probably AUs set in another fandom’s world without character crossovers

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah :D most notably the chaotic Mirandy smutfic ‘Surrendering to Andrea’ with 5 authors: @athousandforests @guardianrock @scarlet-heels @stupidsexycopshows, and most recently the latest fic on my Ao3 actually, Bering and Wells ‘Drunken Considerations’ with @lavendelhummel!

I also made different sorts of collabs with Podfic and arts etc for events and just for fun with @thewalkingmeepa (DWP) @bookgirlfan (Star Trek) @artax-risen (Dracula) @badasspantiestalker (Star Trek) @cinnamonplums (TOG) @jackwolfskid (TOG) sorry if I forgot anyone!

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Don’t make me choose!!!!!

Like literally I can’t! And I don’t even know how to define favorite - 1 the one I enjoy to write for most, 2 the one I like to read most, 3 the one I’m fangirling most about, 4 the one that wrecks me most with feels, 5 the ones I can always return to… those are different ships! Also because my favs are not necessarily the biggest fandoms, so I might not be able to spend so much fandom time on them bc I read all the fics ages ago already lmao

In order of above categories: 1 Milippa Prime, 2 Mirandy and Berena, 3 Bering and Wells, 4 again Milippa and Bering and Wells and also Floreleine(&Librarywives&Killercule) and Andromaquynh(& also the ot3) and Jadzia x Lenara, 5 Bering and Wells and ClintCoulson and J7

By sheer ‘has been mentioned most often in this list’ I suppose the crown goes to Bering and Wells!

But I really just love them all. And others too.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

The Ocean’s 8 series ‘A Heistwives Kinda Job’ I started in 2018 and kinda lost track of. I think the parts stand well on their own though so it’s not sooo bad but I’m still a bit sad that that never got finished and now probably never will because I just don’t know where I was going with it anymore & also don’t remember the details from the first parts well enough to continue it anyway

16. What are your writing strengths?

I can write pretty quickly and when I’ve got an idea I can just write it down in one go!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

If it’s too long to be written down in one go or I don’t have the time I will forget about it

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

There are different ways to deal with this and my preference Depends - if the characters and therefore the reader don’t need to know what it says, or it’s even relevant that they don’t understand, I’d leave the foreign language in as is, maybe have a chapter end note with what it says, same if what’s said is already explained by the reactions of the characters or something

If it’s one or two languages that are frequently used in the fic and with relevant info, I’d have a note at the beginning of the chapter saying which one’s cursive and which one’s bold and then type everything in English. If the character is abroad or sth and all the dialogue is for example French I’d just mention the fact that it’s French in the note or have it mentioned in the fic that they’re speaking French the first time it happens, but then proceed as usual without even making it cursive or anything

For anything in-between, like relevant info mentioned in foreign language once or a few times, I’d write the foreign language in fic and link down to an end note with the translation and a ^ link back to text. I don’t like having original and translation in-text side by side because imo it just reads in an annoying way, and it’s especially annoying if the reader knows both languages.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

According to Ao3, it’s The Hobbit. According to old sheets of paper somewhere in my childhood bedroom, it’s probably self-insert Hanni & Nanni (St Clare’s) ficlets xD I think I called my SIOC ‘Lilo Liliana’ to be fancy and that’s the origin story for my username! Adsfghjkl I hadn’t thought about that in ages.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

That would still have to be Andromaquynh In Your Stead.

Now closely followed by my Milippa road-trip AU and my Star Trek University AU (that I’m still writing more one-shots for) though!

And you can find all my author’s favs in the tag on Ao3!

Tagging, only if you want to do it of course, everyone I’ve already tagged above as well as @die-schwanenkoenigin, @squishmittenficfan, @xvnot15, @viharistenno, @wellsbering, @lesbianlotties, @batnbreakfast, @danisnotmyname, @charlottepriestly, @onaperduamedee, @lonely-night, @sapphicscholar, @73chn1c0l0rr3v3l lavendelhummel and everyone else who sees this :)

Blanks to copy:

1. How many works do you have on ao3? 2. What’s your total ao3 word count? 3. What fandoms do you write for? 4. What are your top five fics by kudos? 5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 8. Do you get hate on fic? 9. Do you write smut? 10. Do you write crossovers? 11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? 15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t? 16. What are your writing strengths? 17. What are your writing weaknesses? 18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 19. First fandom you wrote for? 20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

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artsycervidae · 3 months

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Moksha: Chapter 19, Danno Intermission Pt 2

Summary: Back on the barge, Nobutoshi and Yuri reunite with Hinata and organize to hunt Danno, but to survive in a demon's lair carries a steep cost.

Word Count: 5.4k

Double check the trigger list now and again! Thanks to all my readers for reading along. We broke 100k and I've been having fun. I hope you have too. (Early publish for Tumblr. Have a good weekend.)

"What happened to you?" Nobutoshi asked.

Hinata slipped to the wet floor, leaning against the wall with all their weight. Nobutoshi found himself moving to their side automatically. They murmured soft affirmations ("I've missed you. I'm glad you're not a hallucination... It's so good to see you. You look wonderful.") as he checked them over.

"I need to open your uniform. Is that okay?" He asked. Hinata smiled, shrugged, but tensed when Nobu's fingers pried their clothes from their skin. Their torso was mottled with bruises, and it was likely a couple ribs were cracked. They had always been lithe compared to Nobu, but now they seemed so thin that it made his heart ache. Fat raindrops pummeled on Nobutoshi's back as he examined their left leg-- the most concerning injury was the laceration, reaching from their mid-thigh down to the knee, their pants torn down the side. The joint itself was purple and swollen, battered and inflamed.

"Kabuto didn't do that," Hinata said woozily, catching their breath now and again. "Masajun did... Danno told him to. Said he could eat after he dealt with me. I guess he assumed the drop would kill me... he was always messy, cutting corners like that..." Nobutoshi blinked, curious, but the other Slayer's eyes shifted to the demon's remains. "Look. He's being washed away," they huffed a laugh, their lips twitching between grin and grimace. "Serves the bastard right... he wouldn't let me rest all this time. Sleep well, old man. Nobu, do you have anything to eat?" Their tone lilted and swayed with pleasantries, clearly disoriented. "There's a rations shortage. Nothing grows here but algae... even the rats and roaches starve and die eventually. Isn't that terrible?"

"In a moment," Nobutoshi said, trying his best to manage their bleeding in the midst of a downpour. "You shouldn't be running on this leg. Much less fighting something three times your size." An exaggeration, which he knew would illicit a snort from Hinata. Somehow, the sound was comforting.

"I couldn't pass up the opportunity," they defended. "I wanted to get him before he drug you away... oh," and their hands came up to close their front quickly, "Hello!"

Nobutoshi looked back to the sound of shoes slapping against water. Yuri came careening around the corner, her chest heaving. "Ishikawa, sir," she panted, coming to a halt when she realized they weren't alone.

"Takahashi. This is Yasumoto."

"Hello!" Hinata repeated before tugging at the tsuguko's sleeve. "Nobu, is there anything to eat? I'm famished."

Yuri watched with open bafflement as Nobutoshi rifled around in his clothes and found a compact bar of nuts, seeds, and nutrient paste (well-moistened) then handed it to Hinata, whose face took on the open adoration and eagerness of a dog sitting by the table. "Here. Eat it slowly. Your stomach has probably shrunk even more now, so don't make yourself sick."

"I've gone beyond that threshold," they obligingly opened the wrapper and gnawed at the corner of it, "like being so tired I get a second wind of energy. Thank you."

"They are our informant," Nobu told her. "I know them personally. They were part of the first group to investigate."

"You're the only survivor?" Yuri wondered.

Hinata paused then answered, "Not quite... Masajun is still out there, I'm sure."

"Who is that?" she interrogated.

Hinata, despite their efforts to nibble, had already reduced the ration to a sliver. They took their time chewing though, their bagged eyes sliding between Nobutoshi and Yuri. "He's the newest recruit," they said slowly after swallowing. "... He also used to be a Slayer." Their eyes fell away from the faces watching them. "He... killed his demon and took his place as Danno's left hand."

"Danno?"

"The Kizuki."

Another clap of thunder split the sky, and Hinata groaned as they tried to stand again. "Take it slow," Nobu commanded. "Takahashi, we should escort them to the boats--"

"No," Hinata ground out, catching their breath before stepping away from the wall, putting most of their weight on their good leg. "No, I'm okay to walk. I'll take you to where Danno sleeps. I'm assuming your father is here somewhere, Nobu? Someone who can behead a Kizuki."

"And Junko."

Hinata's eyes lit up at that. "Oh, good. Finally, this nightmare can end. We should help them though-- Kume's minions get stronger when Danno's parts are incapacitated. Unfortunate trade-off."

"That thing before broke my sword," Yuri informed them, "and yours too, by the look of it." Nobutoshi noticed the way she glared specifically at the broken handles that protruded from Hinata's form. "Master Ishikawa is right. Your injuries will slow us down."

"I have swords we can use," Hinata offered, already hobbling away. "C'mon. There's a cache not far from here. I promise I won't slow us down-- I know shortcuts that actually work."

Yuri and Nobutoshi exchanged a glance, but before Yuri could decide to say anything, Nobutoshi followed Hinata. He hoped that they could walk in silence. But Yuri stubbornly floated into his orbit. "You see it too, right?" She asked, voice low enough for only the tsuguko to hear. "What they've done with those swords..."

Nobutoshi had wondered if or when she would notice. There was no denying it, since he was the one to apply Hinata's first aid. The snapped-off blades weren't merely tucked into their own uniform. The cloth banding them together was of recycled Demon Slayer uniforms. Nobutoshi understood Hinata's process: the Corps provided quality. They were the sturdiest, malleable fiber available to the castaways. Ropes could snap under the weight and power of a demon, but the special fabric afforded slayers extra protection.

"And what's even stranger," Yuri went on, raising her voice to be heard over the rain, "is that we haven't seen any bodies. If the demons ate the carcasses, why would they leave invaluable resources for you to scavenge?"

Hinata looked over their shoulder, and opened their mouth. "I heard you managed to kill Unagiko. That's impressive. She's not particularly strong, but her Blood Art is incredible. None of us could figure out how to get to her, given she was completely aquatic. It reminded me of Namazu. With her dead, the draw to the barge will die down, and time should pass normally now. Well," they glanced up to the rainfall, a hand raised and protecting their face, "until Danno wakes up. And it's not like we can go anywhere right now. Not yet. We killed Kabuto together, so we don't have to worry about him traveling between the walls."

"Don't you have anything to say for yourself?" Yuri hissed. "How did you manage to get so much stuff if the demons have been killing everyone? Stop evading the question."

"Takahashi--" Nobu said placatingly.

"Ishikawa," Yuri replied bitterly, "I'm surprised you haven't wondered that yourself."

"You wanna know?" Hinata piped up, coming to Nobutoshi's defense rather than their own. "Fine. I did take these things off of dead bodies. I stripped bare the people who died, right after I got to watch them be killed. I couldn't prioritize bringing their corpses home, nor could I hope to preserve their belongings. I may be the only survivor left... but it wasn't that way from the start." Hinata limped closer, a hard edge forming on their words as they faced Yuri. "I've been trying to keep people alive, okay? I'm doing what I have to."

Yuri didn't back down, but didn't have the chance to form her response. "This isn't the time," Nobutoshi urged, trying to mirror his father's no-nonsense tone the best he could. "Hinata is here with information. We will question them on the particulars when we debrief, and take care of it from there." With that, he sharpened his gaze in Hinata in their sorry state. "There's still two more demons out there, right? And Danno is asleep in the center?"

Hinata's eyes darted his way. "Yes. We've already done the hard part. Unagiko was our warden, and Kabuto was Danno's head. But now that they're both dealt with, we could easily go to the belly of the barge for Danno."

Nobutoshi began to walk again, getting the other two to move along. Yuri dragged her feet and scowled, but took up the end regardless. "Should we help the others fight the flying demons?" She begrudgingly asked.

Hinata grunted, "We could. But Danno could also decide to awaken on his own. If he's armless and they can't help him, then he can't fight properly. Danno with his full court," and they bore their teeth, "is the worst case scenario... Not only does he take possession of all their Blood Arts, but once they return to him then they'll be back in peak condition. With Unagiko and Kabuto alone, he's unbalanced. He can slip away through the walls or water, but Unagiko's magnetic pull will always tell us where he's gone. He can only run and thrash."

Yuri hummed and drew closer. Fists balled and eyebrows knit, it was clearly meant as a deterrent. The revenant chose wisely to meander further: there was a natural schism between them, with Nobutoshi stuck right in the middle. "You know a lot. Did the demons sit you down and have a talk with you?"

Hinata sighed irritably. "We-- the humans-- have been trying to learn what we can. There's a lot of Blood Demon Arts at work, and we were always outmatched... but it kept the demons away from the village, and we made some strides. We were finally able to resist their demonic power." And then, under their breath, Nobutoshi heard them say, "Some of us more than others."

"You said Masajun was Danno's left hand," Yuri needled, "so was he just another demon? A henchman?"

"He wasn't a demon at first," Hinata insisted. "He only just turned last night."

"How could that happen? Aren't," she trailed off, glancing over her shoulder before finishing, "Kibutsuji Muzan or the Upper Ranks the only ones who can do that?"

"... Yeah." Hinata's mouth twisted with raw fury and vivid pity. They turned their face to the sky again. "I don't know how he pulled that off... or why he turned to Danno. I wish it didn't happen. But he's just being a stupid kid. Scared and angry, so he's acting out." Their added defensiveness was too much-- Yuri stared as Hinata led them around a corner, into a room where the path ended in a chute to the ocean. "We're here."

Along one of the winding catwalks, suspended on rusted cables and rotting rope, there was a crevice in the wall. It seemed so precarious and nondescript, no wonder it served to hide Hinata's contraband. Nobutoshi peered over their platform, where the metal floor dropped far down into dark water. Grey foam churned angrily, air bubbling up so that the waves popped almost like acid. "Are you sure it's safe to go out there in the rain?"

"It's okay," Hinata assured. "It looks like the barge is flooding a little. It's not nearly as long a fall as it usually is. I'll go, since I'm already incapacitated. If I do trip, you two will still be able to fight. Be ready to catch the swords if I have to throw them. " Before Nobutoshi could call them an idiot, they looked in his eyes and said, "If I don't make it back then go straight, left, left, right, straight, down, right, right, straight, up, left, and then follow that path all the way down."

"What?" Yuri wondered, but Nobutoshi had paused to commit the information to memory, and Hinata was already clinging to the wall and scooting down the mesh walk. Their fingers grasped the occasional lip or beam for an added fraction of safety. She scoffed and turned back to the tsuguko. "I don't trust them," she reinforced.

"They haven't done anything to warrant interrogation yet."

"Except dance around our questions. It's suspect."

"We know more than we did before," Nobutoshi said mildly. "They made the trip worth it."

"Did they?" She asked this, her one eye trailing after their monochromatic guide. "I think it's pretty convenient that the enemy has a way of possessing our own fighters, right at their disposal. Even more convenient that it hasn't used that power on them yet." And then, with some poison in her tone, "How do we know they're not a demon?"

Nobutoshi watched the human-shaped void pause at the crack in the wall, carefully releasing their hold onto the catwalk beams and leaning out precariously to plunge their arms inside. "They're not a demon. If you can't trust my word, then I can't help convince you."

Yuri stared at him, which made him feel exposed. It was the same assessment his father gave him when he made a single wrong move, a vague whiff of a mistake. But he wasn't the one she was staring at-- he realized this before the lightning split the sky overhead, reflecting off the pit's many walls and casting out the dark. For a stark moment, they could see the black water and its frothing seafoam. They could see the bone white body slipping out from one of the many pathways, clean slices tracing its features and outlining missing chunks, cuts too organized and tidy to be the work of a mindless monster. The girl's corpse was lifted by water, then thrust into the thick of it, thrown between the walls and helpless to the storm and tides. She was destroyed and folded, taken into the water in a matter of seconds.

"If I had fallen," Hinata said, bursting their silence, "neither of you would have been aware enough to catch the swords." They had managed to make their way back with the weapons tucked by their side, and they held one out for Yuri.

In a blink, Yuri had Hinata on the ground-- Nobutoshi knew Hinata could have turned the tables on her, busted knee or no, but they let themself be floored with a sharp yelp of pain. It was their own fault for allowing it, so he didn't understand why they looked so startled when her calloused hand squeezed their throat, her weight seated on their body. In her other hand, the lavender-hued blade that made its threat known. "You're hurting me," they whined, squirming uncomfortably on the handles they were being pressed down into. "Ah-- careful."

"They've defiled the remains of our fallen comrades," Yuri declared hollowly. "Using their swords without any care, scavenging what they want from the dead. And watching the demons kill our members, like some vulture," her voice trembled with neatly contained outrage. "Did they even try to help? Or were they more concerned with their own life?" She leered over them. Hinata's eyes flickered between Yuri and Nobu.

Nobutoshi stood by and watched.

"Answers. Now. How does a Lower Rank turn a human?"

"Maybe Danno is strong enough to do such a thing," Hinata mused.

"A Lower Rank can't change humans. Or they wouldn't be of the Lower Ranks then," Yuri argued.

"Then I would suspect they summoned Kibutsuji or an Upper Rank. Or maybe they have another way off the barge."

"How?"

"I told you, I don't know," Hinata said irascibly. "That's all theory."

"Who was that? Down in the pit."

Hinata's mouth opened, chin warbling. "... That was... probably Mariko."

"Did you kill her and eat her?"

"No," Hinata said swiftly. "No, I didn't. I wouldn't. I'm not a demon."

"We saw the carvings," Yuri warned. "Before your evidence got washed away. We saw the cuts and the amputations."

Hinata fell quiet. The rain drummed impatiently all around them, waiting for the truth. "... We were using her as bait."

Yuri grit her teeth. "For fish, or demons?"

"Both."

Yuri raised her sword to slam the pommel into Hinata's face. Their skull bounced off the floor and they gasped. Nobutoshi resisted the urge to yank her off and throw her into the pit-- the sensation was so unsuitable that he turned to watch the righteous ocean boil.

"Why?!" Yuri cried. "She was somebody. She was your fellow survivor, wasn't she? Your fellow Slayer! Was she even dead--"

"Of course she was dead," Hinata said, their own voice pitching, "even after we tried to save her. None of us wanted her to die! She loved Masajun so much, she told us she wanted him to eat. It was her last request. She didn't want Masajun to starve, and she made Shinjuro swear to do it. He couldn't even look at her after that. He promised something he couldn't fulfill, and so I--" Hinata was babbling now, shaking with fear and agony. Yuri raised her hand back again.

"That's enough." Nobutoshi caught her wrist and squeezed. "Are we going to do the demons' job for them and cut each other down, here and now, when others still depend on us?" Yuri growled, low and hard with her underbite jutting out. In a huff, she released Hinata and got up. She sheathed the sword into her empty holder, then stalked off to wait at the next intersection.

Hinata, sad and wet and pathetic, caught their breath and groaned, sitting up. Nobutoshi waited until Yuri rounded the corner before he approached, offering the wretch a hand up. They looked at his palm, water captured in their eyelashes, then directed that desperate expression up at his visage. "I would never do that," Hinata groveled. "I swear, I would never eat another human being. I'm not a demon. I... You know that, right?"

"I know." Whether Nobutoshi was decided or not, it needed to be said. Hinata's face softened with immense gratitude, and they took his peace offering. Nobutoshi hoisted them to their feet and picked up the cool grey katana they'd dropped in the scuffle. "I'm sorry I didn't intervene sooner," he murmured, in case there were hurt feelings. "I was still processing it all... I know you wouldn't betray us like that."

"Thank you for stopping her when you did," Hinata replied, hesitating a little before asking, "I'm going to be disciplined for this, aren't I?"

"Most likely," Nobutoshi grimaced. "There's nothing I can do with a witness present. But I'll make sure you're close by. I'll be the one to tell Junko."

Hinata smiled, but it was a weak deflection of their worry. "If I can't tell her myself," they said. "I hope she gets to handle me. No offense to your dad, but I think he would just cut my head off on the spot."

"He wouldn't," Nobutoshi reasoned. "Hashira can't make those kinds of decisions on their own unless you're a direct danger. You're cooperating. Just be on your best behavior, and it'll all be okay." This was the trade-off, after all. Hinata got their hands dirty so that their friends didn't have to. Nobutoshi was always appreciative, but this was quite the mess that Hinata made. Were these people-- Mariko, Shinjuro, Masajun-- worth all the punishment? Was it worth making it Junko and Jin's problem?

Hinata hobbled along, Nobutoshi a half-step behind. When they caught up to Yuri she was leaned against the wall with her arms crossed, waiting for them. She silently stalked after the duo. Nobutoshi couldn't help but wish he had Junko's wit and charisma-- it wasn't enough to say "we all belong to the Corps." Hinata was already behaving in the most guilty way possible, Yuri was far too heavily suspicious of them; the longer Nobutoshi put off condemning Hinata's approach to things, the worse the tension became.

As the two followed Hinata across shaking walkways, down waterlogged tunnels, and then up into the final corridor, the dark sky became so suddenly accessible it nearly gave Nobutoshi a fright. The narrow path opened, the walls halted. A relatively stout tower protruded into the air from the center, sides disembowled by, presumably, Kabuto's animal scrabbling from past ascensions. "There's a ladder on the backside," Hinata told them.

"How convenient," Yuri answered, clearly pleased with the news. "It looks like this is where you turn back. Can't climb a ladder with a splint in your leg."

"Can too," Hinata muttered.

"I agree," Nobutoshi had said at the same time. Hinata's head whipped his way. "She's right, Hinata. You're injured. You've been here so long that your state of mind is deteriorating. You need food, sleep, and medical attention." No matter what sense he spoke, Hinata's head shook.

"I'm fine," Hinata said, already moving for the ladder. "I can climb." And without waiting another moment, they gripped the first hand bar, hoisting themself up. Between their two hands and one decent leg, they made a decent ascension. Nobutoshi avoided Yuri's incredulous stare and followed Hinata, thoroughly embarrassed for them.

The top of the tower had no safety rails or ropes of any kind. It simply flattened out, save for the large opening in the center. As they drew closer, Nobutoshi could see the floor slid down in a long spiraling ramp, an endless path that dipped down into the darkness, centered by the completely longitudinal drop.

"Down here," Hinata said. Nobutoshi held his sheathed sword across Hinata's path. They stubbornly pressed into it, but Nobu's firm grip barred them, the sword pushing them back a step.

"You led us here. That's all we needed. You can head back to the boats now."

"What," Hinata laughed, "and climb back down after coming all the way up here?"

"You'll manage." He ignored the smug expression of relief on Yuri's face, the sort of look that said 'Finally, some sense.'

"You can't go without me," Hinata warned. "Please. If you go there on your own... he'll get in your head." Their eyes locked on his with some unspoken message.

Nobutoshi blinked. "What does that mean?"

"Think about it," Hinata urged. "There's a route for humans to take, although the demons here are so morphed. Even the most humanoid ones have wings. It's unnecessary."

"They're delusional," Yuri declared, apparently fed up with addressing Hinata directly. She closed in, clearly intending to take Nobutoshi's side. "Demons have rotted their brain and their morals."

Hinata suddenly gasped, their head and shoulders jerking back as though an invisible hand had seized them by the hair. Yuri instinctively stopped their stumble with the expression of someone catching vomit in their bare hands. "Oh," Hinata coughed, "There she is." And from the sheer warmth in their tone, Nobutoshi knew who they meant.

Nobutoshi moved nearer to the edge, cautious of the water hazard, and looked out over the expansive labyrinth. It had seemed like they got here relatively quickly for how far the mismatched metal sheets stretched.

In the distance, he saw her-- Junko shooting up into the air, a tornado of screaming seabirds in her wake. She almost hovered there above the maze walls, a sheer force of nature, and Nobu could barely see the glimmer of her sword as she wove a fatal tapestry-- it was the move she had been prototyping since her promotion. The Sixth Form: Splinter. For such a simple name, the effect was breathtaking even from a distance. All at once, the birds' distant static cacophony was punctured with a resounding crash, like a thousand trees being felled at once, putting the storm's thunder to shame. The demons exploded into blood heavier than the rainfall itself. The acrobatic Hashira floated groundward with the grace of a drifting leaf.

The barge quaked in terror at the display of raw power. Hinata had gained their footing only to fall forward onto their knees, and this time Yuri was happy to let them go. "Gorgeous!" they rasped, shoulder blades creaking back and forth in a foreign pattern, "Enigmatic. I really ought to remember that one."

"Master Ishikawa," Yuri called, grasping for both Slayers to pull them back from the ledge. "watch out, incoming!"

Incoming indeed. With her depth perception hampered, her warning came not a second too soon: from one of the many corridors, a figure raced out of the night. Their arms beat against the rain and wind, pivoting abruptly up the side of the tower. It nearly clipped Nobutoshi, then sharply halted in the air with a slamming of its massive wings. Hunted eyes fell on the open chute to the island's belly-- running away.

And suddenly it was crash-landed, face splattered into the tower platform the three Slayers stood on. Ishikawa Jin had appeared on the demon's back, though his existence there seemed naturally placid. As if he had always been there. His hand twisted one of those winged wrists behind the creature's back, and he calmly stepped onto its half-formed neck.

"My companion is injured and cannot walk for himself," Jin's cool voice came, steady, flowing. Nobutoshi could feel his blood run cold. A talkative father was a father with much to say. "He is in the maze. Please escort him to the port. Now."

Yuri was the one who jumped into action, driven by authority. She flung herself over the ladder, loosely gripping the rails as she let gravity pull her down. Hinata's injured knee, however, folded under their attempts to get up, and they groaned just as the harpie cried out in pain and fear. Now that it was stopped, Nobutoshi recognized the tattered uniform clinging to its transformed body. Its wild eyes fluttered over its audience-- halted on Hinata.

"Aguri!" It hollered. "Your plan worked! Kabuto is dead, right?! Take his place, now! Help me! You promised her--"

Jin yanked the winged limb higher, swinging his sword down through the demon's throat. With a brutal kick from Jin, its head went soaring and its screams were drowned out by the storm. Its body was given the same treatment, but it skidded across the platform and fell through the abysmal hole, down into the dark.

"Masajun!" Hinata cried, reaching out a hand.

"Dad, don't!!"

Jin's sword stopped just shy of Hinata's esophagus. Nobutoshi's heart had caught in his throat. It was as if he could feel the sharp edge scratching his own skin when they swallowed, leaving a second abrasion. Everyone went still.

"Explain," Jin commanded, cold and cruel. "What did it mean by 'take his place?'"

Nobutoshi looked anywhere but directly at Hinata. He didn't want to see their panicked, pleading eyes. 'Just answer the question,' he directed, hoping against all of his doubts and fears that they could be salvaged.

"The Lower Rank One," Hinata started slowly, "consists of four demons. He is the sum of all their parts... and he was... looking for stronger parts." A swell of gratitude was suppressed in Nobu's breast. Hinata was being careful with their words, minding their manners, but these words were poisonous by nature.

"It picked you."

The tone was so thick with derision and disgust that Nobutoshi found himself wincing for them. He was too scared to turn away, but he didn't want the last thing he would see of Hinata was them battered, beaten, and on all fours-- it was as though turning his back this time would surrender them to his father. He couldn't pick between them. He wanted the world to stop.

"I was never going to take him up on it... I don't even know if... his parts wanted to go through with it. Once a chosen Slayer dies... Danno's part has to pick a new one. Their... theoretical replacement. As long as we survive, we're given the chance to say yes. If we say no, then we're put through another night... Another test. We weren't supposed to work together, but Shinjuro and I hoped that by making ourselves a... human barricade... and putting on a distracting show, maybe Danno would stop attacking the village."

"Masajun broke the barrier." Jin shot a glare at Nobutoshi, lips dangerously thin. Nobutoshi held his breath and his tongue. If he so much as twitched, he feared Hinata would be cut down to mincemeat-- not even that, but so thoroughly eradicated that the water would dilute them into oblivion.

"Danno is probably awake now," Hinata weakly added. "He still doesn't have his right arm... we can end this tonight, Master Ishikawa." Normally this would call for Hinata to lower their head, but they settled for flattening their hands against the floor, their silver eyes boring into the Mist Hashira.

Jin didn't say anything for what couldn't have been more than seconds. It felt like eons. They waited. Then the hashira withdrew his sword, sliding it back into its sheath. Before anyone could relax, he announced: "Yasumoto Hinata, upon arriving to the mainland, you will be sentenced for aiding and abetting demons--"

"Dad," Nobutoshi gasped. Hinata's eyes widened.

"-- and for your betrayal of humankind," he finished with a glower. "Perhaps circumstances will be in your favor. For your sake," and his eyes swept over his subordinates, "I certainly hope so." Not that it mattered. Such a dire accusation in itself was a death sentence. It would only take a majority vote from the living pillars-- most of whom were not present, and would damn the context. A crack in one link was a threat to the entire chain.

"Nobutoshi. Come." Jin turned for the entrance of the tower.

Hinata seemed to snap out of their shock. "Let me come with you," they said in one breath, forgetting themself.

Nobutoshi swiftly stepped between the two before another fight could break out, pushing Hinata's shoulder back gently. "Hinata, wait," he murmured, "just wait here for us." He shook his head a little in silent warning.

"... Wait here?" Hinata remembered to restraint with Jin still in earshot. "Master Ishikawa," they said slowly, eyes searching Nobu's as if it was only his opinion that mattered. "Forgive me for speaking out of turn. But I haven't come this far to sit aside. Surely I can be of use?"

"You're too hurt to fight. If you won't wait here, then head to the boats with Takahashi."

"But I know them," Hinata whispered. "All of them-- I know how they fight. Danno, Kabuto, Kume, Unagiko even, and--" their eyes briefly fluttered in the direction of where Masajun's head had been kicked. "... I can help," was their final plea.

Nobutoshi glanced over his shoulder. His father was already descending into the tower, walking down the spiral ramp. "... Find Junko. Bring her here," he urged. "I'm sure we can handle the situation with the Kizuki, and maybe she can talk to my dad when he's tired." And less furious. "He won't listen to me, but she has equal authority."

Hinata nodded, relief awash over their features. "Okay," they said. "Good plan." But before Nobutoshi could make his leave, they grabbed his hand with both of theirs. Their lips trembled and they opened their mouth, wrestling between what they wanted to say and what ought to be said. "It's dark. The water is deep. And he's always hungry after he sleeps, because they're all hungry... please be careful."

"Don't worry," Nobutoshi assured them, slipping out of their fingers. "My father's swordcraft is perfect. And with Junko as backup, this will be over quickly." He couldn't keep Jin waiting, and so he turned and jogged to catch up. He only looked back to make sure Hinata wasn't following them.

As they descended, the darkness swallowed then. Eventually the rain nearly petered out to a damp drizzling, so far from the wind and sky were they.

"Your friend's behavior," Nobu jumped at the sound of his father's icy voice, "is reproachable. I found several dead ends where swords and uniforms had been hidden."

His stomach knotted. "I know..." he admitted.

"I cannot understand your apparent fondness for them."

"They've been through a lot--"

"Indeed. As have we all. And yet, they found it acceptable to show disrespect to the dead; they do not receive special exemptions simply because they are weak. Yes, we preserve human life above all, but there is a level of decorum-- no, a level of morality we hold ourselves to." Jin glanced back to his son. For a moment, Nobutoshi recognized him: the man who existed before that day, when he lost his wife. His eyes held that soft sympathy that rarely made itself vulnerable to anyone anymore. "Do we not?"

Nobutoshi considered this thoughtfully. He knew, objectively, his father was right. Jin was always right. Hinata had done terrible things. They may have been scared out of their mind, they may have been keeping promises... but they made the decision to cross a line. They did it again. And again. And again. There was no defending it.

"I trust you do not harbor the same arrogance," Jin warned. "Spare them the shame. When we return, I need you to come forward against them."

"Yes, father. I understand."

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