#it could be worse. at least it's not at a time i CAN'T rearrange to

[bookwyrminspiration]

occasionally i'll make a post or two talking about studying nahuatl and how much i love learning languages but I cannot emphasize enough the absolute hell it wreaks on my schedule every single semester without fail

[soulwrencher]

put my hands on her hips and said, "just focus on me"

sorta switch!ellie x reader, wc: 1,3k

summary: ellie has been gone on patrol for way too long now, leaving you guessing. but when she returns things get hot and messy. or: you're about to eat her out and make her go all subby for you ;)

warnings: not proof read, nsfw

foggy and grey, the sun's weak rays seep through the curtains. you groan in annoyance. how come you only noticed now that these curtains are awful? you rub your eyes, dry rheum poking your inner corners. you've managed to carry yourself to the bathroom, hands holding your body over the sink. you look at yourself, a dusty blue hue coating the room, coating your tired face.

god, you looked like shit.

amidst lost thoughts, you wait for the water to warm up, examining your face up close in the mirror. you splash water on your face, once, and then once more, at least ellie wasn't going to see you like this. right, at least she isn't going to see how awful you're doing without her by your side. but it is driving you crazy, not knowing where she is, not having her here. it was driving you insane. by now you've rearranged the kitchen cabinets 4 times, gone to tipsy bison every single day in hopes of clearing your mind, and even played with the children at the playground. and you're still in the bathroom, slouching over the sink. the absence of her presence is filling up the room, suffocating you slowly. and the fact that you are on patrol tomorrow makes you want to rip your hair out.

fuck, a teardrop falls into the sink, down the metal drain. and to make matters worse, someone just had to knock at the door. "i told dina that jesse is going today, ugh," you mumble under your breath while dragging yourself to the door. you rub your wet, puffy eyes and take a deep breath. it's fine, you tell yourself, going on patrol today would mean you could take your mind off the thoughts that have been plaguing you, not admitting that your worries about ellie were eating you alive, from your gut to your lungs, it was unbearable. your limbs felt heavy, and your hand could've ripped the door handle off, but the door creaks open, a scent and a silhouette, both too familiar.

no, that can't be possibly true. your eyes widen in disbelief as all your worries wash away, it's her. it's ellie, standing right in front of you, she smells like sweat, and her face looks rough. she gives you an apologetic look, her eyes give her away. and then it hits you hard, you missed this woman, and you were grieving her absence. it was an overwhelming feeling that was consuming you. she looks at you, eyelids low, eyes wandering from your shaky hands to the tear stains on your cheek.

"i'm so fucking sorry, tommy just—" ellie glances at you softly, the corners of her mouth twitching to form a sentence. but you reach for her hand, your other tugs at the strap of her backpack. you still can't believe that she's right here with you.

"shut up, i missed you," your voice breaks from being unused all morning. but it's enough to make ellie go all weak for you, she sighs a little oh fuck to the sky and smoothly glides the hand you're holding over your waist, pulling you close. your skin was burning underneath her fingertips, you wanted to melt into her. "i'm so sorry, my love," ellie's voice is small and croaky. "but i'm here now," she says, her other hand finds its way up to your face, cupping your cheek slightly before resting on your nape.

her words echo in the back of your mind, you feel yourself melt away under her lingering gaze. ellie can't look away, her yearning heart deludes her into believing that the second she looks away, you will disappear into thin air. her grip tightens around your nape, fingers grazing over the side of your neck. ellie missed you too much, the thought of you being by yourself was killing her slowly over the past three days. her touch made your heart beat faster, you just want to close the distance.

and ellie wanted you, more than ever. you could feel her hot breath tickle your cheek, but the way she was glancing at you made you think of all the other places you felt her hot breath on. and the auburn-haired woman picks up on that, her lips felt soft on yours. your hands search her body hastily, until your fingers are tangled in her hair, your bodies were pressed against each other. she slips her tongue into your parted lips, you breathe heavily. animalistic, the way ellie throws her backpack inside onto the ground, closes the door behind the two of you while forcing you backwards against the wall. her body on yours, tits pressed against one another. she slips an i missed you in between sloppy kisses, leaving you gasp for air. wet lips, you could feel your clit throbbing as ellie tugs on your bottom lip, the taste of her was addicting. she pulls away, a moan escaping her mouth.

oh how you've been dying to hear that, hungry to hear her sweet, croaky voice. it was everything to you. you watch her inhale sharply as you cup her tits and feel her up through the endless layers of clothes she's wearing, you want them off, now. ellie bites down her lip as she watches you unzip her jacket, unbutton her shirt, ready to rip it off her skin. "now… hold up," she whispers in your ear, nibbling on it while taking her clothes off. her wet lips send shivers down your spine and heat straight down your clit. she smirks at the sight of your flustered face, her toned arms fully exposed now. ellie's exhaustion was clear, she struggled to take off her pants, but she looks so helpless. so helpless, you can't help but desire to devour her.

"slow down, ellie," you say gently as you wrap your arms around her waist, walking her backwards to her couch, pushing her down onto it. she looks up to you through her eyelashes, confused. you rest your palms on the insides of her thighs, they were warm. and it is bright enough to see goosebumps covering her whole skin as your fingertips touch her bare skin. "open them," you command, her cheeks flush pink. she blinks at you a few times, adjusting herself, you feel her squeeze her thighs together. you're hovering over her by now, tilting your head in expectation. ellie is losing herself under your gaze, she desperately wants to let loose and let you take care of the warm, sticky mess in her panties. "don't think it's a good idea," the woman says breathlessly. you raise your eyebrow in response.

"i was sweating my ass off, i haven't showered in—" you shut her up with a soft kiss, drag them to her cheek and over the side of her neck, all the way up her earlobe. she throws her head back, fuck did you feel good.

"just shut up for once," you whisper, earning you a scoff. but you weren't going to let that sit on you, ellie scoffing at you? your thumb gets dangerously close to her folds, grazing the sensitive skin through her panties. you feel her chest rising abruptly, legs slightly parting as she pushes her hips forward, it was exactly what you wanted. you could finally force your hands in between and spread her legs apart. you inch closer, eventually going down on your knees to examine the wetness leaking through her panties. you loved the sight of her, all desperate, flushed cheeks, just needy and dirty. you massaged her pussy through the fabric, oh how you missed seeing ellie squirm under your touch. and as you thought that it couldn't get any better, she reaches down for your hand, holding it firmly.

before you could question her, a weak and breathless please escapes her mouth. you're more than amused, you love making ellie go all dumb and needy for you. "please what?" you ask teasingly. she rolls her eyes. "fuck, just touch me, please."

i swear there is a second part coming this week where reader eats ellie out i just miss my girlfriend and am done for the day lol

[ariiadnes]

╭ ⿻ ･ TENDING TO THEIR INJURIES ( part iv. )

ଓ.° ・ wriothesley ･ neuvillette. genshin impact. repost. ・ ・ ・ pt i. pt ii. pt iii.

❀ ﾟ. ༄ wriothesley

wriothesley is far too familiar with getting injured on the job. it's nothing new, not really-- what's work if he doesn't get a little roughened up, anyway? it's certainly not a big deal ( to him, at least ).

he'll admit that some days are worse than others, but he's got too much to do, too much to protect. he can't afford to let anyone take him down. so all in all? he'll be fine. end of story.

you, on the other hand? he's not really sure. he's warned you from time to time that he's bound to run into trouble here and there; the fortress is not a place of innocence, after all, and you are both all too aware of that.

still, that doesn't stop you from mentally combusting every time he walks through the door, cuts and bruises all across his body. unfortunately, tonight is no different, even if his injury ( if anyone can even consider it to be one ) is a small cut on his cheek.

"jail. jail for a thousand years."

it's three in the morning, and yeah, he's a little sleep deprived, so he's not really sure if he heard you correctly. he blinks a few times, brows knit ever so slightly as he tries to register your words.

huh.

he's far more used to a lecture, but he'll take this instead.

"a thousand years?" he grins, though the amusement fades slightly as you use a washcloth to wipe the blood away. "that's a little cruel. seriously, do you think you could survive that long without seeing me?"

"guess we'll see."

he lets out a chuckle, though he sees through your annoyance. it may be a simple cut to him, but to you, it runs deeper and he knows that. he chooses to keep his silence instead of continuing the banter, only watching you carefully as you study him in search of other injuries you may have missed.

"i miss you when i'm gone for a thousand minutes." he leans in, closes that small distance between you two. "don't send me away." he murmurs. "i won't survive."

you don't say anything for a long while, a small sigh escaping through parted lips. it's his unique way of asking for forgiveness; of course you'll grant it. but you're just as stubborn as he is, so you don't quite give him the satisfaction or peace of mind that he expects.

you kiss him for a moment too short, then speak.

"how many hours is a thousand minutes?"

❀ ﾟ. ༄ neuvillette

neuvillette is not accustomed to the woes of human emotion. it is a fickle thing, he muses, and the nature of one's heart is a complexity he wishes to understand with ease. he tries, but there are so many variables and constants that even the ludex of fontaine cannot grasp it.

he is, admittedly, always a little doubtful of himself when it comes to such interactions. he is careful in his approach-- certainly not wary, but careful in the means of not causing offense. he is learning with time, after all, and though he has learned much through experience and through you, there is much he still remains naive to.

but this-- this, he understands : the silence that weighs heavy in the air, the lack of words so often spoken when you are together, the way your eyes won't meet his. your gaze is focused elsewhere as you throw all concentration into putting away the antiseptic and spare bandages, carefully organizing the supply kit in the most optimal manner in case of emergency. he is not sure how long you spend rearranging it, but surely it is a means of distraction to distance yourself from your feelings.

"thank you." neuvillette speaks up after a long while, notices how you pause at his gratitude. your body tenses up for the slightest moment, but you are quick to force yourself to relax.

"you're welcome."

he is unsure of how to proceed at this point. it is not often that he gets injured; such occasion is truly rare, but it is not something always in his control. he understands you are worried. he understands that you are afraid, that you might be angry. he wishes to speak, but when he hears that little sniffle, he freezes.

"please, look at me."

you listen. when he looks at you, there is something strange that stirs in his heart-- something so softly devastating at the sight of your sorrow. he hesitates, wonders if he will do the right thing to comfort you.

his hand cups your cheek, thumb wiping away the tear that trails down your face. there is the gentle curve of the lips-- a subtle reassurance, quiet in its nature, but deeply resonant.

"do not waste your tears on me." he tells you, gentle. "i'm alright. so long as the tides continue to turn, i will be here."

he presses a kiss to your forehead, smile growing ever so faintly as your tears continue to fall. it is something that cannot be helped; he knows this more than anyone, this weeping dragon. he pulls you into his arms, and until the tears are no longer shed, he will not let you go.

[mianaissante]

34+35 — jujutsu kaisen, n. kento 🩰

tags: face riding, 69, size difference kink, nanami kento/fem!!reader, established relationship, 18+, nsfw.

“ you drink it just like water, you say it tastes like candy”

୨୧ it is recommended to listen to 34+35 by ariana grande whilst reading

minors dni, enjoy!

one of many things you had to consider before dating nanami kento was his "alleged" wonderful libido. you thought he was the kind of man who'd pump in a few tries inside you and burst all over your womb and call it a day, no offense. but in several ways, nanami has proved you wrong of that god forsaken assumption.

he had the sexual drive of a horny teenager, even worse, one with a stash of all the latest sex magazines. the complete opposite of his usual demeanor, calm and collected, patient and understanding. it's as if when he's turned on he flips onto a whole new personality and it's game over for you.

and for all honesty, it had you questioning whether he was a sex addict.

not that you were complaining or anything, but maybe you were, because who in the hell would be able to keep up for more than 10 rounds? you were worried for your organs constantly being rearranged by his huge length, not that you were complaining either, you loved his dick and the way he strikes it inside like he memorized every nook of your walls.

but there are times when you give out and the next thing you know your inner thighs are bruised, laced with peppering hickeys paired with a pain you could not bare. your hips weren't any better too, they felt like they got detached from the rest of your body from the intensity of his rampaging thrusts.

and why were you thinking all of this while cuddling him in bed, watching a cute romcom on the tv in his room? you felt as though the air had become thick, in any shape or form, it was suffocating to say the least. your arms were hooked on his strong, broad, body, barely even reaching the other side because of his huge size.

with eyes on the movie, your legs were encircling his hips like a koala clinging to a tree. nanami wasn't a man of culture, to you atleast. he was like every millennial who was serious about their job, he didn't have any interests of anything, just work..and maybe a mix of you and coffee.

after a long week in the office and back to back flights from tokyo to malaysia, he was tired, and more evidently frustrated.

you were innocently watching the movie, breathing softly in his chest as he played with strands of your hair.

your eyes flicker softly from the screen to him, “ how was work baby?” a huff escaped from his lips, eyes sunken from all the sleepless nights he spent. your legs were running up and down against his and onto his hips, knowing how much he'd like it.

especially since it's been a month since you guys had done anything overtly sexual, you smiled.

“ work was the usual, i'm beginning to consider gambling and tricking men into giving me their millions” he jokes, the skin near his eyes crinkling as he simpered a small grin. “ i missed you so much.” he whispered on your forehead, planting a kiss on it softly.

“ me too,” you paused, stopping your legs from going down on his hips now. “ are you still stressed ken?” cooing, you removed your legs from his warm body, revealing the tent he had underneath the blanket that you both were in. “ was work so hard that you missed me?”

“ i'm still stressed” he says as a matter of fact, “ and yes it was bad enough that i missed you terribly sweetheart.” your eyes darted from his lips to his irises.

you removed the fabric away from your sticky body and away from nanami who adjusted himself to sit properly next to you. his eyes were burning with a glint of lust, “ darling, whatever are you planning right now you have to stop.”

“ why,” you pout, sitting in w. you splayed your hands on the bed between your thighs, head tilted to the side in curiosity.

“ i might be too much baby, we can't do anything right now.”

“ nonsense ken, let me help you.” you reached for his boxers, yes boxers, when at home and you're cuddling with him he's only in his boxers while you were in your usual pajamas which were tank tops and your flimsy sets of underwear.

you bit your lips, you just knew what you were getting into, but did he get bigger or was it you just tweaking? your gaze was met with his hardened sheath hidden from the world by his cotton underwear. as your hands were inching closer to his clothed dick, his hands, bigger, calloused, and thicker, envelopes yours. you glance at him, lips pursed.

“ let me atleast eat you out before we do anything more,” he pleads.

within a span of seconds all your clothes were tossed messily on the floor while nanami placed himself on the foot of the bed, his head on the edge of it with you shakily shimmying your underwear off.

“ are..you sure of this, ken?”

“ trust me on this sweetheart, i'll make you feel great.” he smiles, placing his hands on your hips, a grip tighter than usual.

“ won't you suffocate to death?” you ask him again, in case he'd ever change his mind..but you knew he was just as stubborn as you. “ i would love to suffocate between your legs, [name].”

“ w-well i haven't shaved and i—” he cuts me off, “ I don't care, just let me go down on you.”

you shook your head embarrassingly, it was going to be a long night indeed.

you swung your leg over his head, your knees coming into contact with both ends of his temples, “ sink down on me darling.”

your lips gaped, wanting to detest to his orders but you knew you couldn't, not when he's already licking his lips at the sight of your puffy cunt, a little wet from your initial interaction with him.

your heart was pounding louder than drums, thumping harder in your ears until it clouded your mind, you couldn't breathe. there was no doubt that you were turned on by this, and you were excited about it.

his firm hands guided your hips to settle on his face, you hovered above him slightly, just enough for his lips to meet with your slit, just enough for his tongue to nestle itself in your slick, you gulped, hearing his grumble.

“ you're not sitting down,” his hot breath fans with your heat, your body shuddered in the feeling, knees almost giving out. “ i'm scared i'll suffocate you, ken.” you trailed.

“ fine, i guess i'll have to make you sit down by yourself darling.” he lets go of your hips, leaving a red mark on your skin from his intense grip. you had your arms on top of his chest while you were on your tiptoes trying not to give out.

gentle fingers slithered its way towards your cunt, spreading your lips apart which revealed the plump flesh of your cunt. a soft erotic gasp erodes from your mouth, realizing his tongue was prying your pussy open. you were reeling in.

“ hah..shit,” it was as if you forgot how he felt like, licking you clean and dirty. nanami flicks your flesh slowly, circling his tongue repeatedly on your skin before teasingly tugging on your clit with his lips.

the blonde haired man spat on your gaping hole, tapping his tongue on and off it before swirling its tip on your pulsing clit. his lapping muscle felt so divine, it was as if you were reaching near heaven with the way he struck himself inside and around your dripping cunt.

“ k—kent—ohh!” you cried, biting the inner walls of your cheeks when he started to flatten his thick tongue underneath your heat, a constant pace of licking upwards with no stop, cupping your bud with his lips before sucking it in sharp breaths, the suctioning sending you else where besides earth.

your legs were shuddering against his feverish, tantalizing, kisses. “ just like that sweetheart,” he praised as he felt your hips bucking uncontrollably out of his simple actions. “ attagirl,” he grins beneath your slick, sucking harder on your clit while his tongue flicked it around in left and right motions, vandalizing your innocence.

“ sh—shit,” you managed to let out a gutteral moan, your hands were now crumpled against his chest, knees still swaying while you lost your balance. “ k—kento—hah” a knot in your stomach began to wrinkle in, closing you with a gap you knew too well.

his movements began to be more erratic than usual, he was quick to his tongue whilst suctioning himself earnestly onto your clit. he was rough and god did it feel so fucking good. you couldn't help yourself up anymore and nanami noticed. his hands which held your cunt apart left and travelled down on your legs, letting you sink your knees onto the soft mattress which made you squat down on his face.

“ mhnm—right there—hah—ah!” eyes rolling back into the cave of your sockets, you felt yourself clutching harder on his chest as you tried to keep yourself afloat. it was too much, he was too much. nanami kept himself at a normal pace this time around, letting his ears enjoy the slick sounds of your wet slit seeping with juices.

“ you taste good, darling.” he groans beneath you, making use of his nose to run up and down your pulsing hole. “ sh—shit! kento!” fuck..holy shit, what the fuck was that? you were giving in, and you were almost there. you gave up crunching yourself in such a tight position and rose, arching your back in pleasure as nanami's strong hands grounded you against his big nose.

“ d—don't stop!” you whined, leaning backwards throwing your head back like an animal who just got loose. your hand found itself on the back of his head while your other toyed with your pebbled nipple, “ I don't on plan doing so,” he gruffed, taking a dose of you again, flicking his tongue in circles around your bud then suctioning again with his lips.

you were delirious at this point, finally sinking down on his face, the pressure fluttering your stomach ever so suddenly. “ fuck, [name], i completely forgot how great you taste..” he trembled, muffling out the words as his lips were against yours.

“ i missed your needy cunt babe, shit..”

your hips wove back and forth, shaking in circles and in infinities. “ fuck yes, yes, yes! kento!” with every strike of your grinds your voice became more vulnerable, you were feeling something pent up in knots, curling its way towards your end.

“ keep going baby, don't stop grinding,” he says, “ you're sweet as candy.”

those words were enough to spiral you down to your doom, it was a never ending sensation, toes curling as your thighs clenched on his head, which in turn made the man grunt in short breaths. “ hah—h—ngh—mhnn,” fingers clasped your hardened nipples, pinching whilst tugging aggressively as you rode harder, feeling his nose come into contact with your aching, seeping hole.

he smiled beneath your beautiful cunt which glistened with the mixture of your own secretions and his saliva. “ use me darling, however you want, just like that.” god he knew what words to say to make you feel like such a slut, such a filthy whore who's thirsty for his feverish touches.

you felt on edge, it was pooling in, your eyes were rolling back yet again, toes curling together, cheeks flushed in red, lips glowing in wetness, and legs shaking so aggressively, this was it. your hips struck one last time before slumping forward down on his body with your ass up, still giving him space to licking your pussy.

you spasmed on top, breathing sharply as your stomach began to tie together, contracting as your pussy pounced upwards with clear liquid spraying against the man's face. you just squirted on him, and he..was pleased. and with that you slumped further on his lips, your body now laying against his.

“ you're so fucking hot [name], you got me wet baby.” he grinned against your buzzing cunt still squirting the rest of the liquid out of its entrance, he fanned hot air against your pussy which made you shudder, licking you once again.

“ k—kento...fuck...” you were overstimulated, and more evidently, you were tired..and he just ate you out. your sleepy eyes left the corner of the room to his length which hid behind his boxers.

you just had to return the favor.

you rose a bit, reaching for his boxers then pulling them down to get a feel on his hardened dick. your hands dragged onto him, palming his sheath with bitten lips. you were so turned on just by touching the head of his cock.

the man behind you winced, groaning in his place as he ate you out eagerly, your fingers circled his tip, tapping on its opening before dragging it further down on its body, feeling every curve and nerve which rested beneath his skin. he wasn't this big last time, what happened?

“ sweetheart you don't have to”

his voice stopped you from reaching his balls, you looked behind him with a confused look.

“ you aren't feeling pleasure ken..”

“ i already am—” he reaches forward towards your cunt, flattening his tongue then swirling it in circles whilst pulling hard on your hips. “hearing the juices drip from your puffy cunt is enough for me baby..im so close”

“ let me help you ken..” you whisper, now palming his head in patterns before pumping it up and down using both hands. yes, both hands.

he denies you, shaking his head as a no, “ let me do all the work here sweetheart.”

you shook your head as no as well, “ hush kento, let me help...”

swiftly, you swished your hair to one side, facing away from him and onto his groin which rested his length. you gulped at the sight of it clothed, imagining what it would look like outside, not that you don't know..its just been so long since you've seen him.

sighing, you dragged his boxers down, his hips rising to help you with it. your eyes widened, lips bitten in surprise, his throbbing cock springs out from his underwear, finally facing you daringly.

you were trying so hard to focus as he was busy suctioning himself up against your bud, you just had to pleasure him in some way.

his length wasn't what you expected, for fuck's sake, it stood as tall as your entire head...as thick as your forearms. he was big already, just not this big. you swallowed a lump in your throat as you inched closer to him, smelling his hot sex feathering its way into your nose.

your lips found itself settling on his head, “ f-fuck..” he was that sensitive huh?

you stabilized yourself in his length, a hand palming his balls while the other pumped his dick. “ g—god, baby if you—” he stops flickering his tongue on your hole, letting his head sink on the plush bed. “ fuck,” he guts out while you squeezed your cheeks together around his head, your tongue circling it so hungrily.

he keeps up with your actions, both of you now drunken with each other's sexes, juices forever seeping away while you mindlessly swallowed his length. his dick was big, it was beginning to hurt, but got were you so turned on by his noises.

he was letting out soft gasps, hard groans, and dozens of praises, you could only clench your thighs hard by him.

you could only cover a few inches of his fat cock with your tight mouth, anything after that will choke you to death. “ keep going [name], don't stop..” he groaned against your slit, he was still going at it.

you smiled on his length, eyelids brimming to close as you sleepily fucked him with your lips, you felt guilty though, you couldn't swallow him down to your throat. maybe there was some way you could ease your way through it?

you spat on his dick, leaving your lips away from his head, a string of precum and saliva bridging it together. humming in pleasure, you pumped his hard cock with both hands your grip tighter and harder. “sweetheart, please...softer..i—i might—” he whimpers, eyes closing shut forcibly, his lips quivered with the way you dragged your hands up and down.

squelch, squelch, splat, squelch.

continuous sounds escaped from your mouth as your repeatedly sank yourself on his cock, trying not to brush your teeth against his length. he was already down your throat and your jaw was tired. up and down, up and down, up and fucking down, “ f-fuck baby...do—don't stop!”

you struggled to breathe but you too were feeling your high being met with nanami's tongue toying with your pussy like that. “ cum all over my face princess, i don't care.” he sighs, rolling his eyes back.

“ wet me with your juices, spray it on me like the slut you are baby.”

you felt yourself experience your second high, eyelids beginning to falter and you let out your final breaths before slumping on his dick, hot liquid invading the insides of your cheeks as you swallow his load clean.

did you pass out? your eyes fluttered open, nanami's dick was beside your head, still hard but you were sitting on his face as he gave you kitten licks.

“ you're finally awake?” he smiles, you pulled away from his face realizing what you've done. “ s—sorry— i—” he laughs, holding both your hands as you faces him, straddling his waist.

“ i'm fine darling, with that stunt you pulled off earlier, i didn't think i'd last longer.”

“ oh..” you glance behind you, his plump dick tapping on your ass. “ you're still hard?”

he hums, a hand running across your back and onto your ass, lifting it up before spanking it softly. “ let me help..” nanami grinned, pinching your nose, cupping your face then planting a soft kiss. “ of course baby.”

your boyfriend swiftly rose up from his position and slithered his arms around your back and on the back of your knees. he carried you to the head of the bed where all the pillows were.

“ nanami...” he flashes you his soft eyes, making his way between your legs with his erection twitching at the sight of your body. he finally closed the gap against the two of you, the back of his dick tapping onto your clit.

he gently smiles, “ i'll be gentle for tonight.”

you knew he was but when he gets drunk on your pussy he could get rougher and rougher by the second. this was a disaster waiting to happen, and you knew what you had gotten yourself into...

a long night of fucking with nanami would last hours, even days.

[the-morningstar-family]

Mama lays there. Thin and gaunt like never before. Cassius hasn't come home for days.

He didn't help anyway. He made it worse. It's good he hasn't been there.

Alastor looks at the crying boy. He's just turned 14. Mama had apologized so much for not being able to do something for him. But the boy just took care of her. He'd simply wanted her to get better.

Alastor stares at the corpse. His teeth grind together painfully, and he glares at the boy.

Alastor, voice low: “Can't you do anything right?”

The boy barley looks up, fixated, tearfully, on Mamas cold unmoving face.

Alastor: “How could you just let her go like that? She deserves so much better”

The radio demon's voice is unusually emotional, almost breaking at the end. He doesn't hold anything back, in fact, he lets it grow in his chest.

Alastor: “You could've done so much better!”

The boy is entirely engulfed by the mother's death. Alastor would be understanding if it wasn't this boy. This boy is the exception.

Alastor: “You could've stolen his money, for a doctor or at least medicine. Why didn't you?”

His words are almost pleading now. The command sucked away. Almost begging himself to find an answer. Why he didn't do this or that? Turn the time back and do anything to avoid the inevitable, what already happened

Alastor: “Get this under control”

He motions to the boy's tears but doesn't really look at him anymore.

Alastor: “You know he won't care”

If one listens very closely, there's a soft note to it. A little sorrow for the. Boy with a father who won't cry with him. Who won't help him at all, and worse, might pose a tantrum for the emotions in the first place. A few more shuddering sobs. And the boy takes a deep breath. Then he gets up and wipes his tears away. With shaky hands he rearranges the blanket of his Mama, then does her hair one last time. She is so still and cold and unmoving. He just wonders how he'll arrange a funeral, without any money.

Alastor stares at the cloth. Almost tempted to pull it back. She is dead still, but oh does he miss her face. But a blink later he's starring at dirt, and a self made little wooden cross.

The bayou had always been a part of home to Alastor. So he'd taken it to hell.

Though this is not hell's. The boy never could get that money, and after another one of Cassius rage filled rants, he was afraid that he might find her body gone. So after after three days, he puts Mama to rest at their favourite spot under a tree and it's the most empty he's ever felt. The boy is remembering one of Mama's favorite songs in the radio.

Boy: “Well meet again, don't know where don't know Wh- when- b-But I know we'll meet a-again-”

The boy's voice cracks to hard, and his breath is too uneven to continue to sing.

Alastor: “You won't”

He says matter of factly. But as another sharp breath is drawn in, the boy burries his head in his arms. And suddenly, the demon doesn't have the heart to remain synical.

Alastor: “... It is for the best, rest assured she's happy.”

The boy looks up at Al as if asking for an answer to a question he doesn't even know.

Alastor: “You will always miss her. But you will learn to bear it”

The boys sobs quiet a bit. They look into nature in front of them. No word is shared. And yet, it feels right somehow. That in someway he's made a step forward, while not having moved at all.

[sirthisisa-wendys]

hiiiiiii hellooooooo!! can i request part 2 of start over : rindou x reader? i love it so much! i wanna know what happen after rindou comes home. what will happen to reader? does he treat reader good after the argument. or reader get treated even worse than before? and i would like to know what will reader do next. will she stay with rindou, or leave him? or maybe rindou realizes his mistake and changes? i hope u have a nice day! and sorry for my bad English :)) <3

Done done and done!

Start Over (Part 2): Rindou Haitani x Fem!Reader

wc: 1.4k

tw: smut, angst, drugs

masterlist

Thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk.

The table in the foyer thumps against the wall as Rindou grips your hips and fucks into you from behind.

Thunk, thunk, thunk. "Fuck..."

If you were to look up, you'd see your reflection: tired, eyelids dropping, hair wrapped around your husband's hand. And Rindou would look back at you with his soulless eyes, each supporting two black holes willing to swallow you whole.

Thunk... thunk...

"Ah," Rindou hisses, baring his teeth as he cums inside you. The rattling of the table stops, and Rindou's hand releases your hair slowly. He says nothing as he pulls out, leaving you dripping on the freshly-cleaned tile floor. He zips up, smooths his hair, and straightens his jacket.

"I'll be back home at seven."

You press your hands against your forehead and remain bent over at the waist, knuckles turning stark white as your fingers ball into fists. You can't hear the door shut over the incessant ringing in your ears or the shame flooding your brain. You don't even feel anything anymore. It's just you in that damned prison, cum sliding down your thighs as Rindou makes his way toward his job, and you remember your place in his house as his wife.

You only move from your position when you remember the maid is coming soon, and that barely spurs you into action to clean up or make yourself look presentable.

The woman is barely thirty, but she knows your situation better than most, it seems. Most mornings, she makes you green tea instead of coffee and helps rearrange whatever furniture has been displaced - whether out of Rindou's anger or lust, it didn't matter.

When you finally emerge from the bathroom, you find her wiping the foyer clean and bent over where you stood earlier, swiping at the floor carefully. You say nothing as you pass by her, but that doesn't mean you're not sharing any thoughts or knowing glances.

The day is empty - void of meaning until Rindou reappears with his bored look and neediness. Your days are spent roaming about the house, doing mundane things like reading or sunbathing, and not thinking about much else.

When the baby finally reached the age where he could be sent to a care center, you did it immediately. Why raise a child in such a hostile environment? What good would that do except breed resentment in a house full of it?

"Sorry, Mrs. Haitani," the maid interrupts your thoughts. "I haven't cooked breakfast yet. Would you--"

"No," you reply, sipping at your tea. "I'm not hungry." The woman pauses, but shuffles off in the end, leaving you to mope about. And for the second time today, a thought breaches your false sense of peace.

I could leave.

This thought is a daily occurrence, almost like clockwork with its precision and volume. Every day, you think about it at least twice. And every day, you glance at the cameras set up to monitor the house... from the inside. And every day, you shrug the idea off. If you wanted to leave, it would have to be well-planned. But every time you tried to plan it, Rindou would ease up for some reason. He'd nuzzle your neck and kiss you to death in the evenings, then murmur sweet words to you at night and kiss you goodbye in the mornings.

And it would all be perfect for a little while until--

Your phone rings suddenly. The only number that's allowed to call in or that you're allowed to call pops up, and you press the device to your ear. "Yes?"

"I want to go out to eat tonight," Rindou croons, and you can visualize the smile on his face. "I'm thinking... Nobu."

Your stomach growls at the thought of sushi, and you huff a laugh. "What time?"

"You pick, baby. I want you to dress up. Can you wear the green dress tonight?"

"How about eight o'clock?"

"Sounds good. See you soon, my love." The sick feeling returns when you hang up the phone and turn to look at the stairs. As you travel up the steps, you recollect something you found in Rindou's things as you did the laundry. It was a small but fancy pill case, and five pressed, white pills lay inside with numbers on both sides.

You'd left it alone out of fear, but as your mind works, you reason just one couldn't hurt. Whatever it was, if it came from who you assume it came from, then perhaps it was something like a Xanax tablet or... whatever else Bonten sold. Rindou had never been visibly hyped up in front of you, and if these were his pills, well... maybe you would understand him better.

You slip one into your mouth without overthinking it and wander into the closet, intent on looking for your green dress out of the million and one others.

But soon, your head begins to swim, and you feel dizzy. You stumble, hands grabbing whatever to steady yourself, and a box of shoes comes tumbling down onto the floor in slow motion. Your body pitches and your vision dances, and before you can cry out for help, a deep sense of euphoria washes over you.

And you feel good.

Whatever Rindou has been hiding, you muse. This... this is different.

You lay on the floor and sink even deeper into the feeling, allowing the brief moments of reprieve and pleasure to wash over your body. "Rindou," you murmur, blinking slowly. "Rindou, you never told me you were hiding something that would finally make me feel good..."

Unbidden, his face swims in your vision, and you try to wave it off, but your fingers touch the skin, and Rindou's face isn't happy. His black holes for eyes are worried, but you see no reason for that. You finally feel good. Why would he ruin this for you by being upset?

"How long have you been laying here?" you hear him yell, but your body doesn't respond to him like it usually would.

"Don't know," you admit, trying to shrug. "Don't care."

"Fuck." Rindou disappears, then reappears with the pill case, his eyes searching yours frantically.

"Why are you so upset?" you wonder, but Rinodu isn't listening. Instead, he's squinting at the pills. "You need your glasses." He still doesn't respond. "Don't you hear me talking to you?"

"Where did you get these?" His voice is sharp, cutting through your pleasant emotions with bitterness.

"Your pockets," you reply, smiling. "You brought them to me." Rindou closes his eyes, inhales, then exhales deeply. "Are you mad at me?"

"No," Rindou finally says, his eyes opening. "No, I'm not mad."

"Good. I'm hungry. Are we still going to Nobu?"

"No," he repeats.

"But I'm hungry. I'll even wear the dress if we--"

"No," Rindou says a third time. You shift up a little, trying to feel your muscles. "We can't now. Let's get you to bed." You protest a little as Rindou picks you up, but you're quickly silenced as your feet drag across the carpet and into the bedroom once again. Rindou tucks you into the bed with care, patting the covers and sitting beside you. There's a look in his eye you can't describe, but it's enough to make you wish you could.

"'M sorry," you slur, mouth forming a slight pout.

"No, I'm sorry." Rindou pats your hand absentmindedly, staring off into space as you blink. "You should rest for a while. I'll make sure everything is taken care of."

You can't help but nod. Rindou stays there - you feel him shift only a few times, but overall, he remains there in silence. You're not sure when you drift off, but when you awaken, the room is dimly lit, and Rindou is beside you, reviewing documents in his pajamas.

"Rin," you croak, throat aching for water. He senses your need immediately and produces a water bottle, uncapping it for you to take and drink from. The effects from the pill are abating, and feelings come back to you like a trickle of water flowing through a crevice. "What did I take?"

"Doesn't matter," he grunts, stroking your hair. "It won't happen again."

"But--"

"It won't. Happen. Again." The short words he has with you make you sink into the bed. He returns to his papers, though the hand on your head doesn't stop petting you carefully. "Get some sleep for me."

You have no choice but to obey.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

my parents are wanting to book tickets and arrange stuff for my brother's wedding in India and all and... I don't know how to tell them that right now I'm doing badly enough I don't think I'm going to make it. if my mental state is the same then (three months away) as it is now, I don't think I'll be able to go, and that's assuming I'll be alive by then. I don't know. he arranged the timing specifically for me, for me to be able to go, which is absolutely lovely of him, but it kinda puts pressure on me to need to go. and my family have specifically said that if it turns out for whatever reason I can't go that's okay! but. I don't know. I'm freaking out a bit here. and I need to be on a skype call in approximately one minute to discuss when we can go.

I don't know how to tell people in my life how I was doing okay - because I was! - and how abruptly that's Changed. like a couple of weeks ago I wasn't thinking about suicide or self harm at all. for the last week thoughts of suicide have been at least daily if not more than that. I don't know what's changed. I don't know why. I don't know how to stop this. and my next doctor's appointment is at the start of June, except I have to rearrange that and I still haven't got round to ringing the clinic to rearrange it. I'm finding it oddly hard to care, and I want to isolate myself. gonna see my parents over the weekend and I'm scared they'll see I'm doing Bad again. maybe I'll talk to my psych about these things when I see her Thursday. maybe. I'm already hiding the fact that I've been purging very regularly for weeks from her, so what's another thing to hide? a non-zero part of me wants to straight up present to emergency with suicidal thoughts though. but what good's that going to do?

I had another dream about jumping the other night. I'm so tired of wanting to die. frankly I just want to do it and decrease the surplus population. but my chosen method is still the same as it used to be, and if I go through with it I could survive and permanently destroy every chance for my chosen careers. it's unlikely but possible. I'm on a self imposed ban from trains at the moment, though I haven't told anyone that. I've always had suicidal thoughts around trains. I used to get them around driving too. now trains are more dangerous for me than driving myself. if I tell my family how bad I'm doing they might take away my car again. I don't want that.

I don't want to be doing worse. but I am. I don't want to lose the little independence I had. I need more control. I need to be better. that or die.

prayers. please.

[aguamarinee]

➪ 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Nicholas × reader

➪ 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: action, slightly suggestive

➪ 𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: reader is running down the streets because she's being chased. She goes into a club to avoid suspicion but quickly ends up in close connection with a mysterious resident. And later on, that makes her parting a bit harder... and longer. But at least no one is chasing her anymore by that time.

➪ 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭: ,,I might hate myself tomorrow but I'm on my way tonight, at the bottom of a bottle you're the poison in the wine."

➪ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 4,4k

Damn. My shoes are killing me.

When will they lose chase?

I've been running nonstop for these past 20 minutes between crowded areas and dark alleys— I even ran through a short tunnel, but they're still hot on my heels! Literally!

I'm a good runner but in pumps, my chances of fleeing from two male police officers are significantly lowered.

Although it could be because my shoes keep clacking whenever I take a step... I can't help but make noises even if I don't want to.

It's either me lacking speed if I run carefully, or they hear my every step and know exactly where am I, even in some livelier areas.

Be chased or be caught I guess, no other way.

I'm also at disadvantage since I'm not familiar with this part of the district.

I didn't plan on letting them chase me into a nearly foreign area, but I lost track of every familiar surrounding miserably.

But I'm not panicking just yet, my situation is not crucial, I just need a distraction. Quickly.

They weren't particularly close to me, there was always a left or right turn where I tried to confuse them, but this part of the district is a long passage now... Packed with countless nightclubs, bars, and cafés, and a couple of restaurants at one corner.

This was never on my map, that's why it's unknown to me.

The said area wasn't strictly part of my destination, but it still seemed okay going in that way for a while— I mean if it makes the cops get off my tail...

However, by the time I realized this, I'd almost completely deviated from the original route.

I felt it the second I took the unexpected turn into that short tunnel, that's where I lost my lead.

Since then my phone was buzzing nonstop in the small back pocket of my short dress, which luckily my coat covered up well.

...It would surely alert the cops behind me more if they could see it, and I don't want to give them another reason to chase me eagerly.

But it could also alert the others as well, back at the base.

That would serve me even worse.

I would be lying if I'd say it wasn't getting on my nerves every 30 seconds when it buzzed, but it made me be on guard about my surroundings and I could keep track of my movements continuously.

Between my train of thought I was starting to get a bit cold since my coat was open in the front.

I should close it, but there's no way I can stop here, I need to find a quick hide-out to rearrange myself.

Its buttons were quietly clicking against each other, in the same rushed rhythm as my steps and it felt like these tiny things are trying to tell me... or more like they want to signal me about something.

Time was ticking like crazy; my fast steps were equal to a second, but it rather felt like a whole minute every time I moved my legs.

And this incredibly small amount of time that was given to me for this mission, as little as a grain of dust, there is only a very little left by now.

So little I can't even begin to try and think how long will it last.

Because... maybe by the time the thought is born in my head, it already passes on.

In a hurry I was swinging my head from left to right and right to left every second to seek an escape route; an alley, a corner, another passage — anything, just not this long street!

...Or I could dash into a club.

Actually, wait, I'm going to do that!

It might not be an open area, so I have limited room to flee completely, but at the same time it's easier for me to lose the cops and make them go away. Far away.

With the loud music, the dancing people, and the flickering lights I can blend in so they don't notice me, then get away safely!

I just need to find a simple nightclub where I can get in instantly without a security guard stopping me.

I sharpened my eyesight to seek out a smaller place and a couple of beats later I found the perfect club.

The Howling Club, looks lively and full, and it closes at 5 am, so I have plenty of time.

Wonderful.

Flickering and flimsy lights were poking my eyes, even if I closed them for short seconds.

Yet I still sensed the rainbow-colored refulgence behind my eyelids.

I tried blinking it out, so the glowing is less and my irises don't go crazy, getting drunk on the superflexing of luminosity, but I had to move fast at the same time.

The first couple of blinks were even slightly painful but I pushed through.

I'm going to need my eyes for a long time, so I'd rather not have them give up on me because of some club lighting.

The second I dashed into the building my hearing got messed up as well, and the outside world no longer existed.

Nonetheless, I'm sure that the two cops saw me get in here.

I had little to no idea how deep was the place, but I needed to go to the back — maybe there I'll have a chance to rest and wait for the events to unfold themselves.

I kept on pushing sweaty bodies away from me but the place was so packed that the second I moved one out of my way, another collided with my backside.

And this went back-to-back, literally.

It was definitely guiding me forward in a way but I was tottering and swaying beyond my own control.

...Wait, I'm starting to see the DJ counter!

Usually behind or beside the DJ area there are separate booths or VIP compartments, which should be useful for me later, to hide there.

Although, let's hope I'll be able to sneak in.

I still have a long way to go.

Far after the huge platform the DJ was standing on, there was an enormous, monumental ice sculpture of a wolf, ready to howl.

It was majestic, its pose and size were so mighty.

I started appreciating some of the rainbow lights which danced across the icy statue, reflecting on it in so many ways and forms it was truly magical and a sight for my sore eyes.

I was surprised I only noticed it now because this thing is surely visible from every corner of the spacious club.

It had to be, it was so beautiful.

Hypnotized by its sublime presence, now walking felt more like a harsh guiding or a way of attraction, as if I had found the hidden treasure that strongly magnetized my movements.

"—Woah, watch it."

Suddenly my hypnosis bubble burst and the colors weren't as vivid around me anymore as they were a second ago.

And the sculpture seemed even further away from me, compared to when I first laid my eyes on it, if that's possible.

But the bar counter was sure close; so close that I carelessly walked into it and now half of my hip was aching because of the sudden friction with the fine wood.

On the other hand, the opposite side of my hip was part of a rather soft encounter.

I looked up in a daze, at first I targeted the high ceiling where the lights were hanging from — maybe if I look into them harshly then I'll be finally free from this pishogue that clouded my mind for a good few minutes —, but before my sore irises could travel up until those mighty highnesses I spotted a more reachable, earth-bound source.

Him.

No doubt that his tall and lanky figure towered over me, casting my curious face in a shadow — momentarily blocking any light sources from me but they still peeked through his dark locks on the sides — and it was a pleasing sight for my tired eyes, almost as if I just looked upon the lunar eclipse.

His hair was dark, ebony, almost as the empty space itself, but his skin was light and shiny like the early night sky bathing in subtle silver moonglow.

Eyes piercing like the fresh Sun, and even if they tell you to look away for them, you can't, and you won't.

He caught me — not just his beauty and impeccable features... But he was the one who stopped me from walking into the bar counter or more like tried to.

One of his long, slender arms tucked into a simple black shirt with rolled-up sleeves was behind me, exposing a strong forearm and his large palm was facing the counter's smooth surface, but close to holding my back so that I don't crash into it and hurt myself even more.

His other hand was lightly holding my upper arm, or rather my coat that I put over my dress and exposed shoulders in the cool night air, but I was unable to miss the sudden burning of my skin.

He didn't even touch me directly but the surface felt like it was already breaking into flames and tiny cinders, embers were bouncing off of it swiftly under the plush-like material.

Who are you, child of Helios? The Guardian of the Sun?

Or a subordinate of Satan, perhaps the Devil?

...Why is it so hot in here suddenly?

"Are you okay, miss?"

Now he changed to formal, which immediately snapped me out of my staring.

"Yeah, just the crowd."

I kept my answer short, not knowing what else to do or say.

I will stay neutral, not that I shamelessly mapped out his whole face and build a minute ago.

A couple of seconds after my words he let go of my hand, but I was still somewhat up in his personal space, just as he was in mine, considering our hips were touching in a weird way and I was still in contact with the bar counter.

My other side still hurt but less by now, and I'm not ready to admit that it's mostly because of his tender gaze.

"Are you sure? They didn't drug you, did they?"

So much for the nice atmosphere...

My pulse immediately quickened and I started shaking my head vigorously.

I don't want him to think anything like that, it would be really embarrassing!

"Of course not! I'm just not that used to nightclubs, that's all." At the end of my sentence, I proceeded to give him a small smile, hoping it would reassure him enough.

Oh yeah, and if you didn't know, actually I've been running from the police for 20 minutes, so that's why I look like I'm out of it.

Okay, I'm not going to tell him that... Surely it would make the situation even worse.

Tears were glistening in my eyes because of how limp and tired I felt suddenly as I gazed at him endlessly... Also, the colorful lights made my vision run wild once again.

But right now only one thing circled in my head like a broken record, an imaginary feeling getting it's strong — almost choking — hold on me, captivating me, making my thoughts drunk on wanting it.

Those hands. I want them. On my waist. Now.

"—Hands up! This is the police!"

Oh, they did not just ruin this for me——

In a moment everything came to a stop and the packed place all of a sudden became so quiet it was almost suffocating.

Not just for my ears, but for my heart too.

Blood started pumping in my veins rapidly and I was taking quicker and shorter breaths.

Even the lights above me seemed like they were caught doing something bad and weren't shining now as much.

My knees became weak too, but it was good because it alerted me that I have to leave as soon as possible, before they spot me. Again.

I was at the back, close to an exit if my peripheral vision wasn't deceiving me earlier, and I was also short compared to the big crowd so it wasn't impossible.

But if I want to escape, then I have to get going right now.

"Hey, does that exit at the back work? Is it open?" I whispered sharply to the God-sculpted guy beside me — I noticed him already crouching too —, my words barely audible to my own hearing, just a smidge above minimal background noise.

If there's one thing I learned throughout my career is that whispering is an art in itself.

...And there are many things that you can cover or reveal with just a whisper.

"It's not open at the moment, but I have the key since—" Now it was me who shut him up mercilessly, pressing two of my fingers quite harshly to his plump, sinfully curved lips.

After a moment of hard glare that I made sure to pierce through his endless black irises, I swiftly turned around, almost crouching completely and carefully — so I don't put weight on the end of my heels — sprinted across the mass of statue-like people until I reached the desirable destination, the key to my freedom for tonight.

I hoped that the mysterious and handsome stranger will catch my drift and is willing to help me with opening the door.

I mean it's not like he has any excuse why he shouldn't, right?

It's not written on my forehead that I was running from these guys 10 minutes ago so I hope he comes after me...

I turned my head back at the crowd and I caught a glimpse of one of the officers sneaking through, giving unsatisfied looks to the clueless people around him.

With one hand he was also holding onto his belt, which further down was equipped with a pistol and even a taser.

The other one was slower and he requested an ID card from a couple of people he came across, to make it seem like they got a complaint or an alert, rather than freezing the whole facility just because of one suspicious person.

And that would be me, but they didn't see me yet.

And they shouldn't.

But where's this guy? I thought he followed me..?

Then I felt a small tap on my shoulder and I saw him still crouching, now beside me.

I immediately felt at ease seeing his dark locks and chiseled face.

I eagerly nodded my head at the door with a worried expression, and he finally realized my intentions when I saw him nodding back.

He gave me small smile and stood up, went to the door and quietly unlocked it, then opened it just a crack so I could slip outside.

My heart picked up the pace again because I knew that after this I'll have to resume my way of running through the night, but before I could do that, without thinking I put my palm on his hand that was clutching the key in it and took the taller with me outside the building.

The door closed behind us smoothly, with no loud impact luckily so it hopefully doesn't alert the cops, or anyone else.

"...Wow, you just snuck me out of my job." He laughed quietly after a moment of silence and when I looked at him he ran his hand through his silky, ebony hair.

He looked at me expectantly with his fingers still in his locks and I had to gather my thoughts for a second to give a proper answer.

"I work there, you know? I'm supposed to be one of the bartenders tonight." He insisted on and gestured to the fancy place behind him with mischief shining on his features.

"Well, do you want to get caught by the police?"

I stepped closer to him, raising one of my eyebrows and putting on a sly smile.

I got caught up in the small banter and my voice came out slightly louder than just a whisper.

Both of us silently acknowledged this and he stepped closer too, so we don't have to raise our voices.

I still have to be on guard about my surroundings and actions, I can't get caught now of all times.

"How do you know I would get caught?"

He narrowed his eyes with a cat-like grin and bowed a little bit in my direction so his head was exactly above mine in an intimidating way.

My brain didn't register his last words, only the sweet murmur of his deep voice, the sound pleasing to my ears like the silent waves of the ocean on the side of the shore.

I fell into a daze again, into his daze, and at this point, it felt like he was doing this exclusively for me... Or was he this pretty and breathtaking for everyone else too?

I both loved and hated the idea that I stare at him ever so often, when I just met him.

But he was watching me too like a hawk, constantly blinking as if his eyes needed to get used to some strong light or flash... Was he just as enticed as I was?

Sadly our moment was interrupted once again.

A quiet rattling sound alerted my ears and I quickly looked to the metal backdoor not far from us, where we made our discreet escape from the risky situation.

The doorknob moved, indicating that someone definitely pressed down on it, and like a switch; all the alarms went red inside my head, and before I could register some possible upcoming events I acted on raw instinct, reckless and impulsive.

I barely saw the door opening but I was already halfway in the arms of the gorgeous guy standing before me — I pulled him to the alleyway wall, my back hitting it quite harshly but I didn't care at the moment.

My hands found their way to his chest at first, I wanted to feel him up intentionally before I dive into his soft raven hair.

The first two buttons on his silky coal-black shirt were undone, allowing me a small peek at his exposed skin; his collarbones, the upper part of his chest that I was so keen to explore, and his slender but strong, spotless neck.

Shortly my hands ended up in the crook of his neck, feeling it up as well, and only after that I stretched my arms to hug around his shoulders.

Eventually, my palms rested on the back of his neck, fiddling with the few longer strands of his hair, enjoying the moment.

I barely saw his face as the hollow street lights were way behind his broad back, hardly giving his form any contour at this hour.

But this fact perhaps just made him even more mysterious and handsome... Made me want to spend more time with him, in close contact.

And to my surprise, he was the one who closed the distance between our lonely lips rather quickly.

Those strong hands that I was pining for held onto my waist like the last strands of precious breath, pushing me further to the wall.

He was holding me so eagerly I almost felt my feet dangling above the ground, I considered jumping and wrapping my legs around his torso so I can reach his height more.

But as quickly as the thought burned my head, I had to forget about it.

"Was she here? She could've escaped through that door..!" I heard sharp whispers the second I pulled the mysterious guy to me and I was sure that the cops caught on quickly about my situation.

They were not wrong about the backdoor, and they moved way faster than I anticipated.

I mostly acted by my gut when I harshly pulled him into me, but I needed a quick distraction so they don't see my face.

Although I was genuinely surprised that he initiated the passionate kiss we were sharing in this heated moment.

When he heard the two officers whisper, he held my waist even tighter and pulled me into him — my back became free from the wall and now my curves molded into his hard, straight torso.

Almost as if he's... trying to cover me?

...Maybe he realized that they're looking for me?

The feeling of our bodies colliding like this was so euphoric; I felt my pulse quicken yet again, my face and body were getting hotter and hotter and it was starting to get a bit too humid between us.

Our kiss was full of passion but the sweetness was present as well, and by now I'd completely hugged around his neck, trying to move even closer — which was impossible, but I tried anyway.

I couldn't get enough of him.

His lips on mine felt heavenly and refreshing, like ice cream on a hot summer day.

Except his effect was the exact opposite from the icy dessert; he was the one making me feel incredibly hot rather than the weather, but this time I did not mind the hotness.

Were the officers still here?

I had no idea, but I might as well enjoy the moment a little bit more... Maybe they didn't leave yet.

I hope they didn't leave yet.

...But if they walk off, then I will have to be careful about where to go next.

The nightclub is surely not an option anymore, especially now that this guy knows about me being chased.

I guess the cops could go back to the club once more for a safety check, but I don't see it happening.

Even though it would be fine for me — because I could escape for good —, they don't have any duty there to begin with, so it would be pointless and a waste of time.

But I'm getting real tired of their chase so I genuinely hope it ends here.

I got so lost in my thoughts that I completely stopped kissing back the handsome stranger who was still holding me with so much passion.

His hands woke me up from my daydream when they slid down to my hips, lightly squeezing them.

I unintentionally let out a small sound of surprise reacting to his actions, and he stopped kissing me.

His lips were millimeters away from mine, hovering close to my mouth and jaw, then he lowered his head a bit, and now his mouth was hovering above my neck.

I was breathless, I barely dared to breathe in and out, his slightly musty and spicy cologne sneaking up into my nostrils, intoxicating my thoughts.

"Are the cops gone?" He asked in a barely audible sweet, sensual whisper and moved his face closer to the crook of my neck.

After his question I immediately heard the backdoor close, signaling that the cops left; they went back into the club's building.

This is my chance!

"Yeah, they're gone. For good." I whispered back with a small smile, although I couldn't see his expression because his face was hiding in my neck.

He hummed in a low hushed tone acknowledging my answer, and nuzzled his nose into my neck and collarbones, sending a comfortable shiver down my spine.

Both of us relaxed against the wall, his tall frame weighing on mine in a comfortable silence.

"Why were they... looking for you?" He slowly raised his head and stared into my eyes with seriousness.

"Were you worried?" I asked back in a cheeky tone, my smile growing wider.

Now I felt safe — for the first time in this whole night — and knew that I succeeded in shaking them off, so I allowed myself a little teasing.

I have to get going soon anyway, so at least my goodbye will be memorable.

"I still work in this nightclub you know. I can't afford to lose my job." He stared at me sternly but there was a hint of mischief in his dark orbs. "Although, I must admit... This was my first time fending off cops and I highly enjoyed it." He gave me a subtle wink. "Is it always like this?"

"You wish." I retorted, bathing in his playful and challenging stare. "This is the first and last time." I showed him a grin and noticed how his hands sneaked back onto my waist.

"...Then I wish to meet you again for the first time. A million more times." He laughed silently at the end at his silly wording but his eyes told me he was very serious though.

I chuckled, shaking my head a little bit as if I was dissatisfied or unimpressed by his hidden confession.

But actually I was quite flattered by his smoldering words.

My hands slid down to his shoulders and with a stronger force, I pushed him away dramatically.

"I better go. Before they start chasing again." I walked away from him, out of the shadow of the wall and the club behind us, the streetlights coming into my vision and illuminating half of my figure.

My back was facing him but I turned my head back, to look at him once more... To try to memorize his spotless features.

He looked stunned; his lips somewhat open in a surprised expression, eyes curious and eyebrows raised in a vaguely worried manner.

His hair was a bit messy as well, probably because of me, but he pulled it off flawlessly — perhaps it just made him even more attractive in my eyes.

And as my eyes wandered to his neck in the dim blaze coming from my other side, the yellow streetlights highlighted his marked light-toned skin beautifully.

Lipgloss is a captivating look on him, I have to admit. Especially if it's my lipgloss.

His shirt seemed crumpled a bit, but the fine ebony silk managed to hide that fact. But it still filled me with pride.

As I gave him a last piercing and long look, I was planning on turning away and starting to jog down the streets to try to get back onto my original route and pick up contact with my mates.

But he suddenly caught my hand in his — just like the first time I bumped into him — and faintly dragged me backward.

"Wait— I didn't catch your name!" His words were rather desperate but his tone was low and steady, a bit demanding even.

His action caught me off-guard again, but I was pleased.

For the first time since I came in close contact with him, I could finally read his nameplate that was secured onto his fine shirt on the left side of his chest, thanks to the streetlights.

"Well then, Nicholas." I made sure to say his name slowly, savoring it carefully as if it were some kind of exquisite dessert; the sweetest and most delicious of them all. "Next time, when we meet again... I'll make sure to tell you, for the first time." Then it was my turn to wink.

After that I swiftly pulled out my hand from the grasp of his stronger ones, walking off at a fast pace, not sparing him another striking glance.

➪ 𝐀/𝐍.: Just me, simping and gushing over Nicholas (sometimes) in a poetic way basically lol.

➪ 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 【𝐌 𝐀 𝐒 𝐓 𝐄 𝐑 𝐋 𝐈 𝐒 𝐓】 !

[annabawritersdream]

NEW OCs I CAME UP WITH DURING MY TUMBLR HIATUS

(I'll include them in my character profiles when I actually fix them and rearrange things)

Aldaron

Human.

Close friend to Elphirion. A kind of boyfriend. They basically experimented stuff with one another before they realized they'd be besties forever. They're both kind of bi. Sort of. Anyway, he's godfather to Anárion and supports Enna in trying times.

Fancast: Kit Harington

Alcarinquë

Maia.

First general of the Maiarin Army since the Breaking of the World until the War of Wrath. He was extremely close to Eönwë to the point that they were rumored to be lovers. Although they never were, they had indeed feelings for one another that went beyond simple trust, admiration and friendship. They simply never acted on them because...they were at war most of the time. And yes, he died saving Eönwë from a Balrog during the War of Wrath.

Fancast: Peter Mooney

They did look good together...but Enna will always be the love of his life. According to my last brain update, Eönwë had a total of five meaningful relationship throughout his very, very, very long life:

Elemmírë (check my Elven OCs list- she was the closest thing he had to a wife. Ended up dead during the First Kinslaying); Arien (she broke his heart); Alcarinquë (was burned to a crisp by the aforementioned Balrog and Eönwë actually stabbed him in the heart to put an end to his agony), one of Ilmarë's maids (a close friendship that could have developed into something more had Ilmarë not interfered) and Enna the wifey (ends up dead and her death leads to his).

This guy's love life is worse than mine.

Aragorn's Sisters + Nieces (Arnor OCs)

Yep, Aragorn now has three younger sisters.

Bereneth

Born TA 2932. She and Aragorn don't really get along. He would love to have more of a relationship with her, but she is very critical of him and just as fierce as she is. She primarily can't stand the fact that he basically abandoned Gilraen (their mom) and went off with Elrond's twins. That's what she thinks at least. She's a widow and can't have kids. He'll probably fall in love with a Haradrim official.

Fancast: Vildan Atasever (Gilraen was played by a blonde actress in Born of Hope, so Bereneth takes after her)

Araneth and Bereniel

Twins, born in TA 2933 (either shortly before or a few days after Arathorn's death).

Araneth is the middle sister. She minds her own business, is married to a high-ranking official of the Grey Company who is stationed in Arnor and has a daughter, Annuineth. She'll shuttle between Minas Tirith and Arnor (she wants her daughter to have a connection with her uncle and her cousins, but she thinks Minas Tirith is no place to raise a child and wants to protect her from the people at court)

Fancast for Araneth: Bergüzar Korel

Bereniel

Araneth's twin. My unlucky princess. She is sickly and depressed. She married the man she loved only to find out that he didn't really give a f about her and was often rude and borderline abusive to her. Her only consolation was her son, who, unfortunately, died at a young age in a riding accident. Her husband blamed her for his death (he eventually left) and she blamed herself too. Her health sucks and the sisters actually show up in Minas Tirith because Bereniel has chronic bronchitis (or some other malady of the lungs) and they hope the warmer climate will do her some good. She's extremely kind, nice to everyone and loves her brother to the moon and back. Out of the tree sisters, she's the closest to Aragorn (though they're both past 100, Aragorn still sees her as his baby sister and adores her). She's the only one who doesn't treat Eldarion as a hopeless case and, even when the truth about him comes out, she has compassion and kind words for him. Instead of maligning and slandering him like most people do, she encourages him to learn from his past and to be better. She chides him, but she's never angry at him. The two of them become really close and Eldarion often spends time with her, trying to make her feel better. Unfortunately, she'll never get over her depression and will most likely die in FoA 25. Her death will be a major trauma both for Aragorn and for Eldarion and they'll both be better people because of her. Her personality mirrors Enna's (the two of them frequently exchange letters and talk to one another) and Aragorn becomes genuinely worried Enna will meet the same end as his sister. I mean, he's not wrong. Bereniel will have some sort of a love story with someone (possibly a guy from Harad), but not even love will save her. She just misses her son, wants to be with him, she feels guilty and she's basically constantly sick. She'll decide to take her life and that's the end of the road for her. Before she dies she apologizes to Aragorn (her beloved big bro), tells him that he's a good king and her last words are "ú-chebin estel anim" ("I kept no hope for myself" in Sindarin). She looks at Aragorn, asks for his forgiveness (she poisons herself so she doesn't die right away) and then later dies.

Fancast: Tulin Özen

Annuineth

Daughter of Araneth, born on FoA 8 in Arnor. Niece of Aragorn and Arwen and cousin of Eldarion, Gilraen, Lóthuil, Lóthriel and Meleril. Aragorn adores her and treats her better than his own daughters. Eldarion is also very protective of her and threatens to kill whoever looks at her in the wrong way (he basically protects his little cousin from other versions of himself. It's a bit hypocritical, but I sort of admire the effort?)

Fancasts: (here posting the photoset I made since it's much quicker than downloading pics again)=> Madelynne Mills (child), Paloma Boyd (teenage years, early adulthood), Emily Bader (adulthood- late 40s onward).

I also have two unnamed Harad OCs (love interests of Bereneth and Bereniel) a new Maia OC and a Variag OC. Will be adding them here once I come up with names.

Aranel

Daughter of Bereniel and Halboron (captain of the Grey Company in Gondor). Born in FoA 20, she loses her mom when she's five years old and is then raised by Aragorn as his own daughter and bestowed the title of Princess. Aragorn offers the official title of Princess to Annuineth as well (he adores his nieces), but Araneth refuses and they go back to Arnor.

Fancast: Ecem Çalik

Also...Faralas will have one more daughter; a daughter everyone better be careful about.

Eleniel

She's named after Enna and she's named that way also because Faramir is obsessed with stars in my AU. She's not really into the whole "Enna-worshipping" thing. She is extremely blunt and doesn't really know what diplomacy means. What you see is what you get with her. She's born in FoA 21 and is great friends with Aranel. They're the babies of their respective houses, so they're bound to get along.

Fancast: Aslihan Malbora

I honestly already love her.

[strawberrybobamilk]

Cut Here (Part 5)

TWs: Language

"Whoa! That certainly wasn't the kind of greeting I expected" the blue eyed man chuckled as he sat down next to Trevor.

"Whatever" Trevor scoffed "Anyway my question was legitimate: what the fuck you want, who are you?"

"Geez, I just saw you sulking down this bridge and I just wanted to conversate" the man threw his hands in the air "In a bad mood today aren't we?"

"Yeah, no shit. And you still haven't told me who the fuck are you"

"Okay okay! I'm Michael. Michael Townley"

A few silent moments passed, as the Michael guy picked up a cigarette and a lighter from his pocket and started smoking.

"Trevor" a whisper-like voice came out of the long haired man "I'm Trevor Philips" he said in a louder voice as he noticed Michael turning to him.

Michael made a friendly smile at him as a cloud of grey smoke came out of his nostrils "Nice to meet you Trevor".

Another moment of silence descended upon them. Trevor was still blankly looking at his feet, but couldn't help but notice with curiosity the way Michael was looking ahead of him, as if he was calculating something, he could almost hear the sound of the gears turning in his head.

"What are you looking at?" Trevor finally asked.

Michael looked briefly at Trevor, then looked again in front of him, taking another long cigarette drag "You see that little shop over there?"

Trevor stopped looking down and instead looked in the direction Michael has been focusing on for all this time "Yeah. What about it?".

Michael spoke in an almost whispery voice, still looking carefully at the shop "No cars around it, no customers inside it. Just that one shopkeeper checking everything's in its right place. It's evening, almost closing time, which means he must have made some cash during daytime".

"So you wanna rob it?" Trevor asked, in an oddly calm voice.

Michael let out a little chuckle "Hello there Mr Smartypants" Trevor felt the sound of a gun clicking, and his eyes turned to see the barrel of a gun pointed to his temple, as Michael spoke in a quiet voice "Try saying something to the cops and we'll have a dead body to dispose".

To Michael's surprise, Trevor wasn't the least bit intimidated, and instead grinned and laughed "You really think I have a reason to go yapping to those LIARS?" his teeth clenched in an angered way at the word 'LIARS' "Me? Just some fucking 'UNSTABLE' hobo under a bridge? Me, who failed everyone and everything in his life? If I told them they wouldn't even believe me, they'd just lock me up somewhere in some shitty prison or something" he then turned his head to Michael, who was still looking intensely at him ready to press the trigger at any second, and Trevor leaned down making his forehead get perfectly aligned with the gun muzzle, still grinning "If you wanna kill me then go ahead, I won't stop you. You'll do me a favor if you do".

Some seconds that felt like an eternity passed, until Michael put away his gun with a "Fuck!".

"What?" Trevor asked in a surprised way.

Michael looked down at his gun and put it back in his pocket shaking his head "...fuck I can't do this..."

"What's the matter?"

Michael spat his now finished cigarette on the snowy ground and got up "It's hard to explain okay?!" he looked at the cigarette, then at the shop, then at Trevor who was still sat down, then hesitantly said "You wanna join me?"

"...what?"

"You heard me Trevor. You wanna learn how to do this? How to make some money? How to feel like..." he took a deep breath "...your life is worth living?"

Trevor pondered on Michael's words.

He didn't have anything to lose.

He has done way worse things in his life.

And if doing this kind of things would have made him "feel like... your life is worth living"...

Trevor got up and stared at his new mentor "Tell me what to do"

Michael smirked "Follow me".

I'm drowning in a whiskey river

Bathin' my memory's mind in the wetness of its soul

The unfortunate shopkeeper cleaned and rearranged his merch, enjoying that peaceful country song playing on the radio.

Feeling the amber current flowing from my mind

And leaving the heart you left so cold

Suddendly, the door violently slammed open, almost causing the door bell to fall and break. The shopkeeper turned with a jump and saw two men: one slightly chubby with blue eyes and short slick black hair, and the other one thinner with hazel eyes and long dark brown hair. The blue eyed one was holding a gun and he was the one shouting "Hands up!", while the hazel eyed one apparently was unarmed, yet still managed to appear even more threatening than his accomplice with a gun.

Whiskey river take my mind

And don't let her memory torture me

"You fuckin' deaf or what?!" the long haired one yelled as he stepped towards the scared shopkeeper, looking like a charging bull "Hands! Up! And take out the cash before I rip your fucking spine out! NOW!"

"Y-yes! Please don't hurt me" the shopkeeper pleaded as he immediately ran to the cash register.

"That's right. And don't play funny games" blue eyed guy said, as he briefly stared at his partner in crime with a surprised expression "Don't try calling the police, or you know what happens"

"Y-yes" the shopkeeper stuttered, as he was taking out all the banknotes as fast as he could.

"Which is using your brains as a paintbrush for these walls, if that ain't clear" hazel eyed guy taunted, obtaining another impressed look by blue eyed guy "Which to be honest this shop really needs, these walls are shit"

"Please don't!" the shopkeeper cried, handing them a big handful of banknotes "Please this is all I have, please don't kill me!"

"Atta boy" blue eyed guy took the money along with a pen, and tore a little piece of paper from the shopkeeper's notebook "Now let's go, come on!"

Whiskey river don't run dry

You're all I've got, take care of me

"Now what happens?" Trevor asked, following Michael.

"Now we run!" Michael panted "Keep following me!"

They both ran towards a car. Michael broke the window with his elbow and snaked his arm inside.

"You don't have a car of yours?" Trevor asked raising an eyebrow.

"Well, if you are a thief you should never use the same car at all times. Cops might track you down and find you if you do" Michael explained, as if he was explaining the most obvious thing ever "Besides, that guy said he's not gonna call the police. Everyone says that when they get robbed but it's better to never trust them when they say that. Just in case" the engine started rumbling "Now get in the car"

"Well then we should have actually killed the fucker. Just in case" Trevor scoffed as he entered the car and sat besides Michael, who already had his hands on the steering wheel.

"And clean all that mess, get rid of the body and all the evidence? Technically you could do that, but it's a pain in the ass, it's unnecessary, and takes longer. Scaring the shit outta them is enough anyway"

Trevor pouted and crossed his arms "Yeah but killing them is more fun and entertaining!"

Michael let out a laugh and rolled his eyes "Hold your horses, tough guy".

Michael drove around for some minutes, every once in a while he turned to look at Trevor, who was constantly staring at him throughout the whole drive.

Michael was the first to break the silence "This was your first robbery, right?"

"Yeah"

"You know... for your first time, it wasn't bad. It wasn't bad AT. ALL"

"You mean it?"

"Yes I do. I mean... 'rip your fucking spine out'? 'Using your brains as a paintbrush for these walls'?" Michael giggled in amusement "Where did you get these from?"

"Oh" Trevor just shrugged "Just came up with those on the spot, I don't really know"

"Really?"

"Yes, really"

"That... that's actually cool, Trevor! You're like... Mr. Cash"

"...who?"

"Mr. Cash, you know. That dark, gritty and tormented protagonist in search for vengeance, from Solomon Richards' latest movie, and..." Michael turned to see a rather puzzled looking Trevor "...yeah, nevermind".

The drive proceeded in a very peaceful and upbeat way, both of the men chatting, joking and laughing with each other.

Once they were in a safe area, they both exited the car, and Michael handed Trevor's share. Not before using the pen and the small paper piece he stole earlier to write something Trevor couldn't see.

"Here" Michael said as he gave Trevor's share, still holding the paper piece in his other hand "Hey... did you, enjoy doing this? Your first robbery?"

Trevor looked at the handful of banknotes. He was feeling a mix of emotions. He was feeling...

"like your life is worth living"

"Yes. Yes I did Michael"

"Good. Then have this too, and call me whenever you wanna do something like this again" Michael said smiling as he handed him the piece of paper, and patted his arm before leaving "You're a good partner Trevor, really".

They waved bye at each other, and Trevor looked at the paper piece: it was a phone number.

After a couple days spent roaming around that lone snowy town like he always did, Trevor kept thinking about that robbery he just partaked into. About the adrenaline flowing in his veins. About those beautiful blue eyes admiring him like no one else ever did. About how he felt alive.

"Call me whenever you wanna do something like this again"

Trevor picked up Michael's number from his pocket, put a coin inside the phone booth, and started dialing the number.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Michael. It's me, Trevor. Shall we... do another job together?"

He could feel Michael grinning from the other end "I was waiting for your call Trevor".

[scalamore]

Thoughts on the latest Ch 110

If I were a manhwa reader, I think I would be pleased with what I've seen in the comic. It's actiony, it's emotional, it's clear that RupeLali are both suffering and miserable. The issue is that... I'm a novel reader, and other novel readers on KKP who commented on the latest chapter agree: the adaption of this long-awaited climax's first part... was not handled well :( It's a unanimous agreement that the chapters it's adapting, is extremely rushed, and for some reason, was rearranged as well. :(( The things that were super noticeable were:

the removal of almost all of Rupert's monologue, AKA his POV. The poor guy was absolutely devastated when the end result of him running all over the palaces looking for her, to see her unconscious in a sea of flames

the manhwa removed Rupert's flashback of how he got his injuries while saving Lari - by the time he found her, the wooden structures were already burning to the point the ceiling was caving in, and he suffered worse injuries and burns because he was the one shielding her from all the debris and flames.

With the removal of Rupert's internal monologue, readers are missing out on how desperate and lost he's feeling right now, because Lari just wouldn't wake up despite days passing. He's a mess that can't eat or sleep (as shown by the eye bags)

Lari's nightmares was rearranged from the middle of the chapter to the start. The way that it's placed now, gives the impression that she has regressed dozens of times (like how ppl interpreted the MTLs when they give tiktok spoilers...), but in actuality, she was depressed from House Belois' betrayal, and she was broken even more when she was trapped in those nightmares. The novel goes into MUCH more details of what happened in those nightmares (as well the novel mentioning many times before that she had them, just never in detail until now), but the reason why Lari is so utterly devastated when she wakes up, is that she's completely convinced that there is absolutely no way she and Rupert can be happy together. After dozens of regressions, it's either he who dies, or she/her family does. So in the end, she chooses for Rupert to survive.

After she wakes up, the manhwa omits most of Rupert's desperate pleas, the ones that are iconic to the series. It removes the part where he's literally begging her to explain things to him, to explain what's going on, where he's trying to get it through to her how much he cares about her, the utter disbelief and shock when she reveals that she thought of him as someone who could kill her at any time ... but they decide to include the least important part, which is the mention of House Belois/family. Super questionable choice. I don't know if they're saving/rearranging this conversation to be in 111, or if they're completely omitting it... idk. we'll find out this Friday.

Also, i wasn't pleased with the lehan chapters right before this. manhwa Lari was not nearly as rude/violent as the novel. There, she yelled at him more, shoved him away, and screamed at him to not even call her "Sister" anymore. She was super distressed and not acting her usual self, while the manhwa version is just "very upset" Just my grumblings :(((((

[2nd2ndalto]

Fall Down With You

Chapter 2

(previous chapter)

He's back in Tartarus, again. Some distant part of him knows it’s just a dream this time, but that doesn't help the way it tears at his soul.

He’s here, again, standing in front of Achlys. "You are so perfect my child," she sobs, "so much misery."

At the time, Nico had let her words wash over him, barely registering their impact. He'd been so tired, so broken already. But this time, in this dream, he feels hot tears on his cheeks, a sob building in his chest. Fear at the scene before him and bone-deep sorrow for his younger self.

The image of Achlys blurs and fades and suddenly he's aware of sweaty sheets tangled around his legs, a warm hand gently rubbing between his shoulders. Nico takes a moment to catch his breath & wipe his face on his pillow before flopping onto his back. He scrubs his hands over his face. "Fucking nightmares."

"I know." Will's sitting on the edge of his cot, looking a bit like he's just shambled through Tartarus himself, the dark circles under his eyes visible even in the dim light.

"Sorry," Nico croaks. His voice feels scratchy, his face too warm. "Did I wake you?"

Normally Nico prefers to keep his nightmares to himself, but he's stuck here in the infirmary for at least a few days, having sustained a rather nasty wound on his triceps two days earlier.

"Nah," Will sighs, leaning back. "Couldn't sleep."

Nico studies the other boy in the weak light filtering in from the hallway. He looks tired and careworn. More than usual.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Will gives him a half-smile. "Just the same old stuff. Demigod trauma. You know. What I'd really like right now is sleep."

Nico nods. He pushes himself up, wincing as he accidentally puts weight on his bad arm. He clumsily attempts to fix his blankets one-handed. "You try counting sheep?" he asks Will.

"Yeah, but just as I'm dozing off they grow pointy teeth and glowing red eyes."

Nico huffs out a laugh. He gives up on rearranging the bed as Will moves to help. His injured arm is throbbing. It feels worse than it did when he fell asleep.

"Um. I hate to bug you, but could I get some more nectar?" Nico says.

Will rolls his eyes. "That's what I'm here for, idiot. Anyway - I found unicorn draught. Just for you." He produces a bottle from the pocket of his hoodie. "Jason tipped me off."

"Amazing." Nico sinks back down onto the narrow cot as Will measures out the dose.

"You're here all by yourself again?" Nico asks, his gaze lingering on the shadows under the blond boy’s eyes.

Will nods tiredly.

Nico frowns. "You can't keep this up, Solace. You need a break."

"I know, but everyone else is sick or injured. Kayla's still on crutches, Austin's got bronchitis..." Will trails off, yawning.

"Well, then tell Chiron to fucking hire a real doctor. You look like you're about to keel over."

Will looks completely defeated.

"Shit, sorry. I'm sorry, Will." Nico reaches out towards the other boy but then can't quite decide what to do next. He settles on wrapping his fingers around Will's wrist, and they both stare at Nico's hand. "I feel like shit and I can't even catch a break when I'm sleeping. I know you're in the same boat."

Will sighs. "Yeah."

Nico swallows, fighting a brief internal battle. It's not that he's reluctant to help, but it feels too intimate, somehow. He shakes it off.

"I can help," he tells Will, pulling his hand back. The distance feels a little steadying, honestly.

Will blinks. "What do you mean?"

"I can help you sleep. It's one of my abilities - remember I told you -"

"Oh - Nico, no..." Will shakes his head, sitting back, the crease between his eyebrows deepening.

"Why not?"

"It feels... unethical. You're still healing."

Nico rolls his eyes. "Solace, this whole camp is unethical. They let fifteen-year-olds reattach people's arms."

Will looks conflicted, but exhausted, and that’s enough to make Nico forge ahead, for better or worse. "I'm just going back to sleep afterwards anyway - the unicorn draught will help me more than the nectar did. I promise I'm not overextending myself. Come on, Solace. Let me help."

Will swallows, his eyes on his lap, almost looking tearful.

"Yeah, okay," Will whispers, and with that Nico's sure the other boy must be honestly desperate for rest. He feels a rush of sympathy.

"What um... what do you want me to do?" Will asks awkwardly. He pulls a face. "Sorry. I'm not used to being the patient."

"No problem. Um," Nico glances over to the cot next to him. "It's going to be easiest if you sleep in here - if that's okay," he says tentatively. "Just - proximity is easier. If I'm trying not to exert myself too much."

"Yeah, of course." Will makes his way over to the other cot, unhesitatingly toeing off his flip flops and climbing in, settling on his side to face Nico. The expression on his face is unexpectedly open, unguarded, and it makes Nico's breath catch.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to try anything weird," Nico jokes, trying to dispel the unexpected tension.

Will smiles faintly. "I'm not worried. I trust you."

Oh.

Nico tries to tuck that little bit of information away, so he can examine it later when he's alone. He supposes it shouldn't be surprising, but it sweeps over him in a way that's both warm and jarring. Does he trust Will? He’s a little surprised to realize it’s not even a question. Of course he does.

Will's healed him up, on multiple occasions. They've fought monsters together. They've bickered together, talked for hours together... it still catches Nico off-guard sometimes to realize he has friends now. And not just Will.

Does it sometimes feel as though it could be something more, with Will? Sure. Nico's never once felt his fingers itch to brush through Jason’s hair, for instance. He’s never been hyper-aware of every time Frank’s hand bumps his when they play Mythomagic.

But he's quite willing to put all that aside, because the thing about having something more is that it might just end up being far less than what he and Will have now. Besides, romantic love is overrated. Probably.

For now, Nico directs Will to close his eyes and make himself comfortable, telling the other boy to concentrate on a calming space, somewhere he’ll feel safe and relaxed. Will pauses, then nods, closing his eyes, and Nico sends a strong sleeping charm Will's way.

It's mesmerizing, the way the other boy's body relaxes almost instantly, the furrow between his brows smoothing, his breath deepening.

As Nico tries to make himself comfortable in his own bed, his eyelids suddenly feeling heavy, he realizes that Will never asked him a single question. Not, "will this hurt?" Not, "how long will it last?" Nothing.

Once he's fully ensconced in his own unconsciousness, Nico can't quite help checking on his friend. He's just making sure the nightmares are at bay, he tells himself. He drifts for a moment, brushing past other friends, other campers and then - there. He’s on the bluffs above the beach at Long Island Sound, and he can just make out a prone figure with blonde hair lying on a checked blanket not far from the water.

For a moment, Nico forgets to breathe.

They came here together, just a month earlier. A whole group of them had come here, all of Will’s cabin-mates and most of the Hermes cabin too. As the day wore on, all the other campers had left, wandered off in groups and pairs until just Nico and Will had remained.

They had lain side by side on the blanket Will had brought, talking about nothing and everything, finally dozing off next to each other in the late afternoon sunlight.

This is what Will thought of. This is where he thought to feel safe.

When Nico steps closer he can see his own sword and Will’s satchel holding down the corners of the blanket. Nico hesitates for only a moment before lying down at the far edge of the blanket and drifting further into sleep.

(next chapter)

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 3/28/2023

At my old job, one of my big job functions was taking someone else's code and trying to figure out why they got one answer when they ran it on their system and we got a different answer when we ran it in the operational environment. This was often a long and painstaking process and among the worse parts of it was going to status meetings and announcing that I worked on it all week and found 5 bugs and none of them were the one I was looking for. Literally, no one was ever once disappointed in me for this because a) that's just how this work was and b) everyone knew I was good at it and if I was stuck it was because it was hard, but also, it sucked for me, personally.

Anyway, these weekly updates are starting to feel like that, where it's like "yet another week of not finishing the fanfic." I don't really mean to be pessimistic about it, because I actually feel like it's going decently well, it's just that the progress is not happening in any kind of linear or predictable way.

I made it most of the way through the editing and rearranging phase I was in last week. I still have about 3 scenes at the end that are unfinished, but I decided to put those off for the time being. I've mentioned before that this isn't really a story about events, it's a story about a time, so there's a beginning and an end and some stuff happening in the middle, and right now I'm trying to make the stuff in the middle feel like it's going somewhere and is not just a random collection of scenes. I've actually been thinking about the story when I am not actively working on it, which was hard to do earlier on. I've got a much better idea of what each of the characters is going through and I've been rearranging and adding scenes to try to punch up some of those themes. (The reason I left those last few scenes until later is that I need those to sort of wrap things up, and I can't wrap until I know what I'm wrapping, y'know?)

If you put a gun to my head, I could finish the thing in a day or two, but it would be kinda shitty. Every day, I work on it and it gets a little less shitty. There are definitely bits of it that I like. I hope to eventually get to a place where it's not shitty, or at very least, I'm out of ways to improve it.

I like to be done things and I have to remind myself that sitting with my work is good and important and also the point, like I write for the experience of writing and for my own mental health, not for churning out stuff, it's not like I get paid or anything. Also, I've worked on this fic for a really long time and it's a story that's important to me and I want it not to suck. I am, however, very very very sorry to all six or however many of you read these updates and sigh heavily.

Also, I kinda have a lot of other stuff going on. One of the effects of living under late-stage capitalism is convincing yourself that all the stuff that you do that's not paid employment, like grocery shopping and helping people move and running a child's health form to the doctor and back and doing taxes and driving the dog to chemotherapy all don't count and so I feel like I never do anything and am pathetic, but I actually do kind of a lot of things.

I realized yesterday that it was the 27th and I had not really drawn anything all month, so I started drawing a thing and I rushed through it a little, because I was mostly doing it so that I didn't have a blank space for March when I do my year-end retro, but then I realized I didn't want to put something that sucked there, either. (by rushed, I did spend, like an hour or two on this). I do have a few more days in the month, so maybe I can keep working on it.

I am pleased to report that I Made A Good Cake for Mr. P's birthday. It was an Almond Tres Leches Cake. It wasn't exactly pretty, but it was tasty. I made two modifications to the recipe. (1) It was just for our family, so I halved the recipe. I cooked the whole thing in one 9x13, and cut it in half widthwise and stacked the two halves. This worked out great, would recommend. (2) There was a comment on the recipe where someone said they used raspberry preserves instead of apricot and I did that, too, because Mr. P prefers raspberry.

This was definitely one of the nicest sponges I have ever made. I did a really good job whipping the eggs, if I do say so myself. It baked up nice and tall and had great flavor. If I made this again, I would consider using fresh raspberries and cooking them into a compote instead of storebought jam, but the jam was fine, actually! It was chilled from being in the fridge, and I think this would make a really nice summer desert. Both Mr P and Polynya Jr rated it among my Top Cakes. (Polynya the Smallest did not care for it, but it's simply not possible to please all the people in my house at the same time). The cake also gets bonus points for using some of the almond flour AND cake flour that I already had in my pantry from previous projects.

Oh, yeah, the childrens' spring break is next week. 😬

I almost forgot! We also went to the arboretum to see the cherry blossoms and we also visited our friends the koi. LOOK AT THIS BIG CHONK AND THEIR ENTOURAGE.

This wasn't even the biggest chonk there, it's just the one I managed to get a picture of.

[wtf-a-psychoanalysis]

Tw: Vent, Suicidal ideation, trauma, body horror, abuse, eating disorders reference to medias, god complex?

I'm not doing anything, i don't have it in me. And I'm afraid y'all reporting me to get help will make it worse, you can talk to me tho

For fucks sake i realized why i like the TMNT and Usagi Yojimbo and Good omens tho i might just misunderstanding everything

The teenage mutant ninja turtles have been through a lot of traumatic shit, getting their organs rapidly rearranged, killing adversaries, targeted and unaccepted yet they still got back up with the support of each other like. Yeah any Splinter taught them to be fighting machines but he taught them hope too and at least some confidence in themselves. Contribute to a team, have a family and fight to defend it

I want to kill myself because I didn't remember that i have to cook my dad food, get the dogs food ready, do something "productive" that my dad clearly sees.

I have no desire to feed myself, if feel no joy and in preparing and consuming if i can't even make something i want to eat, it's so stupid, i can't even make a sandwich for myself at home i can cook meat and eat raw tomatoes i guess l.

I wish I could be disciplined enough in anycraft to make myself survive or link me together in a group that accepts me and loves me and understand that i need them to be patient for me.

I might just starve myself, to please my father expectations of my weight loss and get out sooner. Idk

I hate being tied down by my things but they bring me joy.

I wish to be like Usagi, wandering after losing everything due to loyalty, focus, a duty that is greater than himself to the point living and helping others is just something you can do, or even not having a purpose to do so because failed you have nothing else.

A not only that but using life long discipline to get you through it.

While he's hardened and jaded by the world he still is kind and wise and has a lot to offer. I feel like a stillborn who calcified before leaving out to the world, attached to weigh down.

If i just up and leave, i would surely die, as i have been told. I think and i think and i think, i can't even cut myself because it would show. I am so soft and have already lost faith. Maybe there's a folk story out there about a beast locked up in a guilded cage while also unprepared for the world. A life people envy yet some how has been convinced that it shouldn't live, be angry, get sad or whatever because people have it worse.

I don't have a car to live in, people to move out with only because i feel like a burden, i want to walk And walk and walk but i have no skills to survive, a fleeting will to live and a fear my father will find me.

Why can't I get transformed in to something new or lose everything to have an excuse to leave or have skills or disciplines i can use for survival.

The only skill i have is to not go through with active self harm or suicide, to do nothing but hide away in my own body.

I can't gain skills because I'm too impatient and i want to be perfect so i will never look back to know how bad i was. If i do things wrong, i will get hurt.

I can't do anything without risk and i always do things wrong so why is it so hard to go through with things bad or good. If I'm able to go through with teaching myself discipline then what's stopping me from killing myself. Or the other way around.

I want to know what to do understand what people want, be selfish at times but in a healthy way. Be who I want to be or to be turned into it.

Sometimes i want to be such a vicious beast so no one can hurt me and so they can leave me alone. Other times I want pity from others so they can help me survive, why can't I be kind and helpful and just not die so i continue to live being nice and helpful.

Wander or settle somewhere else to take me away from here, maybe being untrue to myself.

The thing that accurately describes me is Aziraphael from good omens like I'm exactly like him, i collect books, i have friends who tell me that I'm being controlled, i feel like i can't fight it, just i need a catalyst to defend what i love and enjoy.

I wish I can kill myself to achieve such dreams but I know i doesn't work that way.

I keep living, i keep living, if my purpose is to suffer when finding something to enjoy in life, Gods probably made me immortal as life is needed.

I want to be a heirloom passed down and pretty given everything or a good man with a wife and family.

Or to wander for eternity to adapt so i can become a legend a myth, to keep experiencing. I want to live forever so i can out live my stressors, my abuser, my pain. Not needing to eat that much. Cursed to wander yet not losing my beauty, while i do have to earn respect from time to time, internal biology wouldn't be an issue. Tho with a hammer space i can have my cake and eat it too.

I guess i just want like any other person but why can't I be enough, will those wants go away when i feel fulfilled. I feel like i shouldn't feel like death or homelessness is gonna make my life feel better.

I want to be enough, experience and love myself.

If not I'll just try to be God and control things at earth level

[redshiftsinger]

When you can't take it anymore, you have basically two options, and both require effort.

The first, which I do not recommend, is probably what you'll think of first when you hit that point.

But if you really examine that feeling, what you really need is just that something has to change.

So the second option is to pick something else, anything else, that you'd like to change and just go change it. It doesn't matter what it is, really. Just something that would be better if it was different than it is now, or even, maybe it wouldn't be *better* but it would still be *different* and maybe if it was different you could feel something about it instead of the endless clawing emptiness you've been sinking deeper and deeper into for however long it's been. It just has to be something you 1) think you would prefer to be different, and 2) have the unequivocal power to actually cause to change.

Water your plants. Take out the trash. Take a shower. Order pizza. Dye your hair. Buy a new book. Rearrange your furniture. Hell, get a tattoo if you want one. Just pick one thing you don't like about your life, right now in this exact moment, and turn it into something that'll suck less.

The first option will still be around later, you know? But that option erases the rest of the options, and maybe it sucks too, you can't know for sure, lotta unknowns. But having plants that aren't dying, or a pizza to eat doesn't totally suck, right? You know that doesn't totally suck, you've done it before and it was fine, maybe even good. Sure, it doesn't fix any big problems, but at least there's about a 0% chance it'll suck more than staying exactly where you are, making no changes while you hate the entire experience of existing. And you can keep doing more of those little "this sucks less than that" things however long you want to. (or maybe you want to pick something that you haven't done before, just for the fuck of it. Maybe that new ice cream flavor you heard about is gonna be GROSS but you kinda wanna try it? You can pick that for your thing. Try it, if you hate it throw the rest away and never buy it again, at least now you know it's awful. That still counts. You don't HAVE to pick something you know won't suck)

You might still be unhappy after you water the plants and eat some pizza. You probably will, to be honest. But you might be slightly less unhappy -- at least you've done something productive and gotten a meal, that never makes people feel worse.

And you can just keep picking stuff to change, as you feel like you have energy to do it. One thing at a time. And they build up as each thing you change feels a little better than you felt before you started.

And after a while you just stop. You stop watering your plants. You stop watching netflix. You stop reading. You stop replying to your friends as fast as you used to. You stop buying yourself nice things. You stop putting an effort into how you look. You stop taking care of yourself like you used to. You stop sleeping. You stop eating healthy foods. You stop petting your dog. You stop socializing.

You stop with everything. You find yourself sitting in your room for hours on end, without doing a single thing. Days feel like years. And you think you can’t do it for much longer.

[nonbeas]

Wednesday October 23rd 2024

I haven't posted in a while and truly I've been busy.

I've kind of been busy, I mean, I've been busier, but also, I've been in a mindset where I'm giving myself permission to sleep. Something I think about a lot is I don't feel sad when I'm sleeping, so I'd like to sleep for as long as possible.

That's probably not a great thing, but it's better then before, where if I didn't have anything in the morning and I didn't wake up early, I'd feel really bad about myself. Right now I'm simply staying asleep and also not feeling bad. At least, not consciously. I'm sure it's there in the subconscious ready to creep back up as soon as I start feeling more worthless.

I really think I'm autistic. I know that I can't say that for sure without a diagnosis, but I just get so upset about the most normal of things. I'm starting to think my emotional regulation actually just isn't that great. I do things I think are right, people get upset with me, and I just can't help but feel whatever I could possibly do to make it better will just make it worse. I'm thinking this out in a much separate way then how you normally think. It's like, I can't say things correctly or they always come out wrong, so I'll just bumble back into the same situation that made people mad at me in the first place.

I've also realized that more people than I thought are just ok with people being mad at them. Like, it's not as big of a deal as I think it is.

I blame my parents. Specifically, I blame my mom. I guess my dad enabled it too. Being a people pleaser. It's not just a mindset, it's completely rooted in my brain. I don't think I can get it out. I could act differently but it'll be emotionally upsetting

I'm watching a film on Netflix about a family that accidentally goes back in time. It's set in Europe and after like, a storm or something, they find themselves in a medieval town.

Actually they're definitely in a game of werewolves - that's the game they were playing come to life. It's like European reverse jumanji.

I think it's set in Rothenburg ab der Tauber - it's probably a popular place to film these kinds of things. I want to say the castle and the walls look familiar but honestly all medieval castles look like that.

it seems they have developed powers, like in the game. That's kind of fun. The dad can read minds and the grandpa's dementia is suddenly gone and he has super strength now.

I'm not trying to be performative, I genuinely suddenly started getting into the movie I put on.

Agatha All Along Episode 7 was really good. Compared to the last two episodes, it was suddenly very cinematic. I guessed that it was going to be shown out of time, and then when they started getting into it, it was crazy. Lilia was both literally and figuratively "the good witch." Also I feel like all (maybe not all, but most) big secrets were revealed because of her. She just learns stuff and spills, because it's important, she's not trying to play games, she does everything for the good of others, and then she just goes and sacrifices herself.

Would the Salem Seven still have had to deal with the gravity flip disaster if Lilia locked them in, or was Lilia's presence after the trial the key to all of that?

I had a phone interview with a private lessons studio and it went pretty well. I'm nervous about managing my schedule if it starts going well but I think it'll be ok. I'll have to step back from my weekly ensembles a little bit and it'll suck rearranging that, but I know it'll be alright in the end.

I hope I'm good at it. I have a mock lesson with the interviewer next week. I haven't actually taught many private lessons, only someone who was moderately self taught. but they use Faber books, which I'm comfortable with. And I know how I could supplement my own stuff in there.

For the mock lesson, I'm assuming the "student" is a beginner piano player. So here's my plan of action, which can vary greatly depending on the student.

The most important things for new learners to know is the notes on the keyboard. I'm not even going to worry about technique or hands at first. . First I'm going to talk about the musical alphabet. I'll ask them if they know the alphabet song (most students should but some of them are as young as 5.) I'm going to have them sing up to G over an over with me. (Perhaps I can play twinkle twinkle little star as we sing, if the kid likes singing.) Then I'll tell them about how to find C using the two accidentals. I'll have them find every single C on the piano and count them. The fourth C is "middle" C.

Then we'll go up the board from whichever C we started at. All the way up the keys. CDEFG - then what? A. Start at A and go up to G. We can still be singing out loud if that's what the kid likes. Then once we get to the top, go back to the bottom and do it again.

Question: what happens to the sound as you go up the keyboard? High vs low definition of keys. The right goes higher, the left goes lower. Then we can talk about the alphabet going backwards as it goes down. That'll be tricky and more introductory, we can spend more time on that as we go on.

This is when I'll take a break from the piano and talk about hand shape. Make an O with hands, or hold on to our knee, curve our fingers up. Tap our thumbs with each finger. Then find the side of the first finger. Tap each finger one at a time on a table keeping that curve. Start introducing talking about the number of fingers - doesn't need to be official info, just start using that terminology.

Using our fingers and putting it together: Find C again and put our thumb there, the rest of the fingers on a key. Practice tapping and naming keys up to G and backwards. Do the same with the left hand, thumb on C and go backwards. Then try two hands together for extra hard level.

This will be the warm up to start for the next couple of lessons.

I'm wondering if I should start with rhythm reading right away, or get used to the piano more. I could use musescore or some of those YouTube play alongs that I've used before to start feeling a beat and starting with quarter notes and eighth notes and eighth note rests. Then I could have them find their favorite note and play along to some play alongs, before we get into music reading.

So it could be always 5-10 minutes rhythm reading activity, maybe at the beginning or the end.

Technique - notes - rhythm. That's beginning stuff. There should be a little bit of each. For younger kids, also just a lot of puzzles, play alongs, maybe introducing the metronome and drum beats and music.

The next steps would be reading and writing. That'll happen a little bit with the faber books. Quizzing on the notes on the piano, starting to introduce notes on the page. Start getting into reading FACE and EGBDF on the treble staff, and ACEG and GBDFA.

This will become more integrated with reading.

I think it would also be neat to actually get students reading and writing a little bit, but I'm not sure exactly how. Lots of kids don't use paper and pencil to read and write nowadays, and I don't mean that as a "back in my day" talk. I mean literally. I've been in the current public school system and it's literally so normal to use Chromebooks for everything. I've seen upper elementary schoolers who genuinely couldn't write complete sentences.

Writing this out, I don't think my "curriculum" is organized. I should come up with like, an excel sheet or something.

More to come,

Bea