#it can be very frustrating sometimes hahah

[elvyn]

Iudex of Fontaine

[lovebugism]

hi!! could I possibly request something with Eddie or Steve with their chronically ill gf? I have POTS and although I don't full on faint, I get super fainty often and can lose my vision a little sometimes from that, and I think it would be cute to see how either boys would be with a partner like that (IF NOT THAT'S TOTALLY OKAY, THIS IS A VERY SELF INDULGENT REQUEST)

i tried to make this more general since i don't personally have pots, but it ended up being very self-indulgent bc i do get fainting spells quite often so enjoy hahah :D — the one where eddie munson is a very panicky caregiver (established relationship, hurt/comfort | 1.2k)

bug's summer fic fest (⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

The hottest day of the season weighs heavily upon you. The golden hour sunlight and sticky summer air seep into your bones, sucking all the energy from your already tired body. You feel a bit like a vampire now — a withering thing wasting away in the center of Eddie Munson’s bed, with nothing but a clicking fan beside you blowing hot air around the room.

Eddie seems largely unfazed by the summer weather despite his metalhead qualities, which should otherwise clash with the heat. 

He’s shed his leather jacket for the first time all year. The thrifted t-shirt he wears below it leaves his pale, tattoed arms on display. You can see the tendons in them pulsing every time he strums lazily at his acoustic guitar. His wild curls, more untamed than usual in such humidity, are pulled out of his face with one of your hair ties. A few stubborn strands stick to his face still — now a darker shade of brown, going damp from the sweat beading on his jaw and forehead.

You watch him tilt his head back to shake his bangs from his eyes, then smile to yourself when the attempt proves fruitless. His hair’s grown much too long now — enough to be perpetually frustrating. Not that Eddie cares to acknowledge it, anyway.

“I think it’s time for a haircut, Eds,” you try to tease, though the words come out strangely heavy on your tongue. They sound lightyears away as they spill from your mouth, and the thought alone makes you dizzy. Dizzier.

Eddie’s face, glimmering and softly flushed, screws in a boyish pout. “Don’t say that. You know I hate that word.”

“Look at your bangs, Eds! They’re way too long—”

The mattress squeaks softly under your weight when you go to reach for him. You’re barely able to sit upright without your head spinning. It’s like you blink once, and suddenly you’re underwater — vision blurry, ears ringing, the world swimming with various indistinct shapes. 

You squeeze your eyes shut and sit back again.

It takes Eddie a moment too long to notice.

“No, they’re not— See?” He pauses his strumming to muss at his curls. His ringed fingers tousle his already frizzy bangs to get them out of his eyes. He smiles all cheeky at you then, as he glances at you over his shoulder. His smile ebbs at the twisted look on your face. “Hey… You okay?”

“Yeah,” you answer immediately, though the pinched look to your features never wavers. 

“Okay. Yeah,” Eddie nods. “But… Are you?”

You squeeze your eyes shut until it hurts — until blue and white stars start to twinkle in the nothingness. But even in the quote-unquote nothingness, you can still feel the world spinning around you. It’s like you’re on a sailboat in the middle of the ocean, swaying in time with the rocky tides even though you’re sitting still. The notion makes your swimmy head spin. 

“Yeah,” you repeat, pitched higher this time as you dig your palms into your eye sockets. A feeble attempt to ease the dizziness. “I just— I just got a little dizzy all of a sudden. But I’m fine.”

Eddie starts reeling immediately. “Shit. Are you… Are you gonna pass out?” he stammers and rises suddenly from the bed. He leaves his guitar at his feet as he rushes to you. The mattress bounces under you and makes you feel sicker. His panicking makes you feel sicker, too.

“I don’t think so,” you answer, voice quiet and faraway.

“You don’t think so?” Eddie echoes as he looms at your side. 

You can’t see him, but you know he’s there. You can feel his shadow and the heat radiating from his lanky form. His ringed hands sit awkwardly out in front of him, aching to comfort you but frightened of making it worse. 

“Do you— Do you want me to do something? Do you need me to get you anything? Like… Like a glass of water or—”

“Eds. I’m fine,” you interject a bit too firmly for your poorly state. “It’ll pass, just… Just sit down.”

“I can’t,” he squirms. “You’re makin’ me nervous, babe.”

“Standing on top of me isn’t helping, Eds.”

The boy sits gingerly at your side, then. He doesn’t move a muscle as he waits for you to tell him what to do. Obedient but hardly patient. He tries not to fidget too much, lest he add to your unease, but he buzzes with worry in the meantime. He watches with his heart in his throat as you finally take your hands from your face.

His wide, chocolate eyes dart over your pallid features. “You okay?” he whispers.

“Mhm,” you hum in the affirmative, though you haven’t yet tried to open your eyes. 

The mattress feels less like a wobbling water bed now, but you’re still scared of what the world will look like — if everything will be slightly askew or flipped upside down entirely.

“Can you try to look at me?” the boy presses gently.

You peek one eye open and turn your chin to look at him. The subtle movement ends up being an obvious mistake. “Fuck,” you curse in a quiet murmur, shutting your eyes when the world goes staticky again.

“Don’t move so fast, babe. You’ll pass out,” Eddie chuckles despite the panicked ache in his chest. 

He moves slowly so as not to jostle you too much — lifting his arm to rest over your shoulder and pulling you very carefully to his chest. His free hand covers your eyes and rests over your temple. He squishes his cheek against your hair.

The humidity doesn’t often allow for such contact, but the heat isn’t nearly as strong as Eddie Munson’s love for you. He holds you close in spite of the slightly agonizing way your skin sticks together, fully content to melt with you completely.

“‘M not gonna pass out,” you murmur, words sitting heavy in your mouth.

“Yeah,” Eddie scoffs. “‘Cause slurring your words like you’re drunk all of a sudden is real convincing, sweetheart.”

“M fine,” you insist anyway.

“Yeah?”

“Well, the world’s not spinning anymore, at least.”

“Good,” Eddie hums, smacking a chaste kiss to your head. “Lay down for me, alright? I wanna get you some water. And maybe something salty. That shit’s supposed to help, isn’t it?”

You whine in protest when he starts to move. Less because of how faint you are, and more because of how little you want him to leave. 

“No. Later. Don’t move,” you grouse.

“I gotta make sure you’re alright, babe,” the boy laughs through the warmth blooming in his chest, a sparkling sort of pride perhaps, as you curl further into his side.

“I’m fine right now,” you mumble tiredly. “But if you stop holdin’ me like this, I won’t be.”

“Ah, right…” Eddie sighs in defeat. “Guess I’m stuck here then, huh?”

You nod slowly, cheek rubbing along the cotton fabric of his shirt. “Mhm.”

He smiles softly to himself, wider than he usually allows, ‘cause there’s nothing metal about being a lovesick puppy. But, in truth, he’s happy to be stuck here with you — even with your swimmy head and humid air and clicking desk fan that’s hardly working now. The circumstances a mildly inconvenient, sure, but he’d take a billion inconvenient circumstances if it meant getting to be with you.

Lovesick puppy, indeed.

[juminies]

Don't know if you've ever talked on this subject or not, but what's your interpretation on Jumin's relationship with Jaehee after her good ending? Really love how mindfully you explain Jumin's feelings and actions, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter! Especially bc her route kinda leaves many people feeling like he's an antagonist of sorts 😬 But I kinda always felt like he'd respect her a lot, especially once he sees how much passion she puts into her dream? And Jaehee shows her genuine care for Jumin, too, moreso after his infamous crash. I'm kinda babbling here, but yeah! Really curious to read up on your interpretation <3

I haven't talked about this before actually—I think there's a lotttt of nuance to it and I didn't want to be haphazard with it in case it comes across as me being over lenient with corporate heirs or whatever hahah. I promise I'm not! I just love Jumin. Also sorry this took me a while to answer, I had actually just started a game the day you sent it with the intention of doing Jaehee's route so I decided I would play before responding to ensure it was fresh in my mind. I hadn't played her route in so long, and I wanted to get the Jumin outgoing calls too!

To get into how I think he would treat her after some time passes I first want to discuss their dynamic in her route a bit, because I honestly think people are unnecessarily harsh on him because of it sometimes. I personally don't feel as if they pushed him too far into an antagonistic role, but perhaps since Cheritz weren't bringing in an outsider (à la Echo Girl or Sarah Choi) to act as the driving force it seemed that way to some people? It was inevitable given the nature of Jaehee's struggles that Jumin would be viewed as the bad guy in a sense, but I feel like it's often sort of blown out of proportion due to a misunderstanding of both Jumin's intentions and his character as a whole. He is admittedly at his worst in Jaehee's route, but people tend to brush his actions during it off as completely out of line and absurd and then go on to use it to totally mischaracterise him as someone who doesn't value his employees whatsoever or is an abusive boss. In reality though, the way he acts as a superior in general as well as given the specific circumstances is very... Jumin? in that it's logical and efficient and goal-driven. Jaehee's route is such a push and pull in the sense that the two of them clash repeatedly in a scenario where neither person is willing to compromise—for what, to each of them personally, is good reason! Jaehee is a victim of a wider system, of capitalism itself, less so than of Jumin as an individual.

On one hand, Jaehee having to give up a project she was finally actually enjoying working on would be incredibly frustrating, even without having something she actively dislikes stacked on top of it. I get why she went against Jumin's wishes of doing a bad job (why would she choose now of all times to put in half of her effort when it's something she's actually having fun with?) and I get why she used Seven's cat hotel proposal. Life can be messy like that. Sometimes you have to make a decision that has a shitty outcome for someone else for your own sake or vice versa. She should be doing something that makes her happy, and had she not gotten the encouragement to find something she loves she would have continued to feel unfulfilled for god knows how long. Plus, in regard to the coffee report she is still technically doing her job and doing it well, even if going against her boss' personal wishes in doing so. She also does use her own time to revise it in the end so Jumin can have his way (and maybe a little bit so she can use her ideas for her own place) so, to me, that says she understands where he's coming from and doesn't particularly resent him. It's a complex situation for sure, and objectively Jumin does have the upper hand even if he doesn't quite realise the extent of it. I absolutely support Jaehee in her endeavours; I love her so much and she absolutely deserves better than eternal C&R bullshit.

At the same time, Jumin's perspective does make sense if you try to understand his worldview a bit more. Jaehee is the only person at C&R he feels he can genuinely rely on, and when he's already been thrown through a loop with his father prior to her disobedience it's entirely logical that he would feel as if everyone who should be working with him is suddenly against him. Jumin has been shown before to not quite have a grasp on the social standing he holds over Jaehee, for example in this chat from deep story day 2 where he doesn't understand why she can't tell him, as he told her, that she doesn't like seeing him in chatrooms.

And I think it's genuine obliviousness as opposed to purposeful ignorance; he overlooks bigger structures at play because he legitimately values hearing the honest opinions of the people around him and expects them to have a mutual respect for him. As far as Jumin is concerned his employees should be able to come to him with honest feedback, but of course that typically isn't the case and so Jaehee can't express how she really feels to him lest she face consequences. Jumin's thought process when it comes to employment is shown to be, to put it simply, people work for money -> more work is more money -> more work is good, and it hasn't been explained to him why this isn't the case for a lot of people. Jaehee's actions register to Jumin as is simply a betrayal of his trust and respect, because he doesn't quite see the level at which he and Jaehee are on unequal footing in the first place. On top of that he is rigid in that he needs everything to be done as he expects it; he does not like sudden change and (as demonstrated in his own route) can be incredibly rattled by it if he is already otherwise stressed or overworked. Just because he stands strong for his friends does not mean he is entirely invulnerable to being overwhelmed and acting out, and while I completely agree he was on some level being selfish in regards to the cat project, at the point where Jaehee quits she has already left him with what (to Jumin) is a mess to handle essentially on his own. He is overworked too, something Jaehee admits herself, and he wanted to transfer the coffee project to another department both to make less work for the two of them and in order to not succumb to his father's lack of consideration for anyone or anything but his current partner.

Again I do not blame Jaehee for anything she did whatsoever—I think it was a good idea for her to quit and she absolutely deserves the happiness she finds in MC and their café!—but Jaehee is incredibly competent and Jumin knows that. Consequently he knows she has big boots to fill and it can't be done on a whim. I'm sure you can see why he would be incredibly frustrated. As a whole it's just a very messy situation where the two of them can't really fathom the other's perspective. Their lives and outlooks on the world are so intrinsically different at this turning point in Jaehee's life, and that's fine. Neither of them have bad intentions towards the other whatsoever.

Now to actually answer your question! Firstly I want to put out there that he says this on days nine and ten respectively:

Then I want to add that I do not think Jumin is the type to hold a grudge. He is shown frequently to take on a sort of each to their own/whatever will be will be attitude, and though this situation is something that impacts him directly I can't imagine him taking it any more personally in the long term than he would anything else. Sure he's a little hostile in her AE, but to be completely honest with you I do not think he would have gone to visit the café at all if he was completely furious and had lost all respect for Jaehee (and/or MC) after her endeavours. Again he knows that Jaehee is highly capable, hardworking, and generally a very good person, and I can't imagine that one rocky dilemma between the two of them is something that would make him bad tempered around her forever. He still clearly held her highly and has a lot of respect for her despite their differences, and she doesn't seem to have any ill will towards him either. Ultimately, as you say, he would grow to respect her passion and would hear her out on why she took the course of action she did in the end. While Jumin may not be great at putting himself in others shoes he can identify patterns well, and it lets him draw parallels between his own experiences and other people's. Once he finds the common ground (he knows how fulfilling passion projects can be, he knows how frustrating it can be to work yourself to the bone for others' sake without any real incentive, and he values real friendship an awful amount) I think he would accept it.

I actually feel like hypothetically in the long term not working together would be good for their relationship in terms of RFA too—Jaehee was only made part of the group originally because of Jumin and it meant that all of their interactions even amongst their mutual friends were that of a work relationship. We know they both dislike being in chatrooms together and dislike hearing each other talk outside of work, which was bound to have put a strain (even if very minor) on their association with RFA as an organisation. Jaehee even says herself it's like an extension of C&R for her! Dropping the working boundary between them means less tiptoeing around each other and more openness among friends, especially for Jaehee.

As for Yoosung becoming Jumin's intern/assistant, I don't think it would carry the same tone into RFA as it did with Jaehee since they are already well associated without the business relationship prior to Yoosung being hired. Sure things might be a little weird at times, but no discomfort or frustration to the same extent. It's already shown to be kind of unserious and silly, and I honestly don't think Yoosung would last long as Jumin's assistant anyway, lol.

[captain-hawks]

Dee ❤️ which of your faves do you like writing for the most? And what scenarios really get you into the writing flow? I have these scenarios in my mind and I want to write them down but the moment I open my laptop it's like standing in an elevator (elevator music very much included) waiting to reach the writing floor but the doors never open and I'm stuck 🥲 I love love love your creativity and writing style and I want to learn from you!

first of all, thank you so much, nonnie<3 i really appreciate your kind words!!

currently, i'd have to say kuroo, oliver, and mattsun! it just feels very easy and natural for me to slip into (my interpretation of) their individual characterization, and i find writing each of them to be extremely comforting hahah.

now i'm going to ramble a bit about writing under the cut LOL

i can completely relate to your struggle. i promise you there are so many nights where i just stare at an empty word doc and can't get the words out. it's incredibly frustrating, especially when all you want to do is write.

the two best things that get me into the writing flow are typically either (a) randomly coming up with a good line of dialogue [particularly an opening line] [and this usually happens while i'm driving/in the shower/when i'm about to fall asleep LOL] or (b) a scenario that makes me feel a really intense emotion. when i write, my main goal is always to make the reader feel something. so sometimes, i'll find that even if i have a loose plot idea, i can't actually get my fingers moving and my brain working without identifying what that emotional beat is going to be.

drafting (even just bullet points) or writing scenes out of order can be helpful for some when you're stuck. i'll admit that this doesn't help me much personally though, because my writing is most productive once i fall into an off-the-cuff rhythm (see also: when i start doing purposeful repetition/breaking grammar rules/etc.).

doing writing exercises/prompts can help to get yourself going as well. for example, my color theory drabble series. i had a "don't think too hard about it"/"go with the flow" approach to these, and it was a really fun little challenge that led me to come up with unique plot ideas that i wouldn't have thought of otherwise!

the little rambling writing pieces i do (like anything that's untitled, lapslock, no summary/tags etc.) also help me warm up. because they're short, and they don't need to have an intro/climax/resolution. so in a way, they help my brain relax and just start spitting out words without getting caught up in the finer details, which then essentially lowers the drawbridge on my writer's block hahah.

also one last thing: if you like listening to music, find music that helps you write! (some of my personal go-tos are cigarettes after sex, phoebe bridgers, & chappell roan)

i'm wishing you all of the luck with your writing, nonnie. don't give up<3 i promise you'll find your flow.

[gunslinginnhogtyin]

Honestly just picking just one detail seems impossible! I love how consistent you are with him not knowing things about the modern world! I love the fact that you allow Butch to show negative traits, like losing his temper or being insecure or frustrated, and you don't try to make them endearing, because it makes him feel more human to have things he struggles with. I love how subtly you seed some of his feelings that maybe he isn't even aware he feels and how you can see how actions and thoughts impact what he chooses to do, and that you show it instead of outright saying, which gives him depth. I love how sweet he is and how much he tries and that he's out of his element and sometimes doesn't know what he's doing but he does his best. And that even when he's happy you can tell there's a little sad there too but he does his best to put on a brave face. And I love that there's a give and take where it switches who is centered, and the pace you keep for some of your reveals feels really natural to when Butch is ready to share! He feels very real and I absolutely adore him.

I think you've done an amazing job making Butch a nuanced and complex guy who is genuinely fun to write with, has a great balance of comedy and silly and serious and melancholy, with an interesting backstory that has me hooked. I feel very lucky to write with you and your character and see some of the story beats unfold for him. I eagerly await even more! :3

Anonymously send me your favorite detail about how I play my character. // @townofcadence

Friend!!! Thankyou so much??? REEEE

Butch has honestly become my pride and joy and I have so much fun coming up with new ideas about him and sharing them with those I write with ehehehe. I have fun writing him in general and there are so many different areas I’ve left untouched that I’d like to circle back around to at some point so tossing hints in here and there for funzies gives me a taste of that without me having to fully commit. Even still, the things I do delve more into can be difficult subjects but I feel that honesty to it and the realness in it makes it feel more grounded. I like to get in his head and contemplate how he might react which is why some replies take longer than others hahah. Gotta charge him up and channel the muse!

Thankyou again Tristan! This was a really sweet message and I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH EEE

[the1975attheirverybest]

Concept ! Imagine Matty and the reader are fighting and Matty (you know he can get real mean sometimes probably ) gets into that mode but the reader / girlfriend is suddenly meaner in a smart way like he doesn't know what to reply anymore then him hahah how do you think this would end up

Ooohhh… Yeah, I definitely think Matty’s smart mouth gets him in trouble in arguments. My dad’s kinda like that. Like he’s so smart and so blunt but sometimes THATS NOT WHATS NEEDED and he gotta learn when to shut the fuck up a bit, lmao.

I’m gonna just go off of something that Matty himself has admitted to. “I’m better at writing…”

So, like, maybe his gf is also a musician. Or maybe she’s a writer. Maybe she asked him for his feedback on something, but instead of telling her what works and what doesn’t, he starts taking issue with the very premise of the thing that she’s writing. “Well if that’s how your character felt, why didn’t she just- stop going out with this guy. It doesn’t make sense. The reader needs to feel invested. I feel no investment in this plot whatsoever.” He shrugs self-satisfied.

“I didn’t ask you about the plot, Matty. I asked you about the building that this scene takes place in.”

“Never got to that part. Got bored after the second paragraph cuz I wasn’t buying into it.”

She gets frustrated “thanks. That’s unhelpful.”

“I would say that’s extremely helpful! Saved you a conversation with your editors.”

“You did no such thing, Matty. Instead of meeting the story on its own terms, you completely re-wrote it. It’s not about why they continue to stay together! Sometimes things aren’t that simple you know.”

He’s staying cool in the face of her frustration which is her least favorite thing ever. It makes he feel like she’s overreacting even when she’s not.

“It’s okay to suck sometimes. I do it too on occasion. But you don’t have to act like that cuz you know my way is better than yours. Just cuz you’re a writer, doesn’t mean you shit gold. Not everything that you come up with is gonna work.”

He thinks he’s won the argument. He sits back in his chair, legs open wide, taking up the space proudly.

“Oh, I know. Sometimes I make mistakes. We all do! It’s part of the writing process. I just feel sorry for you cuz you live in such a narrow reality that you can’t stand the idea of someone doing things differently that you. Just because YOU would quit on a situation like that, doesn’t mean my character should. I’m writing her story, not yours. Art doesn’t always have to be slavishly adhering to your specific perception.”

He opens his mouth to reply, “oh yeah? If I’m so narrow minded, then-�� nothing comes to mind.

“I’m just gonna go work on this on my own. Thanks for nothing, my love.” She walks away and goes back to her desk. He’s just sitting there. His mouth STILL open. He blinks and tries to take in what she said.

Ends up pouting for hours. Stewing in his is. Rage. He can’t BELIEVE she called him narrow-minded. That’s the last thing that he wants to be. That’s why he works so hard at trying not to be judgmental and make sure he’s open to arguments. Then he realizes that he behaved in the exact opposite way towards her. He wasn’t open to ideas. He just pushed his reading on her from the get go, and when she got frustrated with him, he told her it was her fault for not being able to see things her way.

So he starts jotting down thoughts on paper. Goes over to her office, and is like “okay, I’m gonna read out loud from this thing so I don’t put my foot in my mouth again. I’ll stick to the script…” he apologizes, then he makes a calm case for what he thought needed fixing, why he thought that (respectfully), and what he liked. He’d begggg her to let him see her draft again and he’d be on his best behavior.

[fr-wiwiw]

A small heavy thought

just been up in my head again. currently taking things slower bcs i've tried a muay thai class once, i liked it but i hate the warm up cardio lol. my body is sore, tore the skin on a knuckle abit but i had fun. life is.. well, it's better and not actually. better as in i'm mentally getting better, accepting life the way it is bit by bit does helps. at the same time kinda dreading the thought of certain things that i'm not sure is within my control or not. hope is one of a good factor to keep me stay afloat but sometimes i wonder the things that i prayed and worked for will not be a reality. my life will be stay like this for the longest time and i'll give up hoping. there's a tiny voice in me that keeps saying "you'll get there, the things you're praying for and envisioned and manifest will be there"- i know it will, but i can't lie nowadays doubt seems easy to creep in. i know a lot of people feel this too. perhaps this is a normal thought in your late 20s or perhaps it's just me as always being an overthinker (what a blessing and a curse for artist). but i keep trying to hold onto this tiny voice and to my creator to always keep the faith bcs the things and people i have right now are the very thing i prayed and manifest for <3 be it irl or online the one thing i don't like and i have to bear for now is that i seem to cannot allow myself to indulge in things i used to do. even the simplest thing like drawing Gahan for my brainrot or just draw a fucking horse / any animal i love. i realized i've been sabotaging myself by doing this so i'm currently learning how to incorporate the simple or small subject into my drawings while i sharpen my artskills. i'm not the fastest at drawing like those people who can follow art trends in a seemingly a snap of a finger, it's hard for me to accept that i'm just like one of my favorite animal, a turtle. also i find that i'm getting more closed off to share about my feelings with people irl the more i get older, seeing as people are.. well, you know how human can get. it's rare to found someone who are willing to listen and understand, i just don't want to deal with anymore bs and fortunately there's things called boundaries. well.. i'm trying my best, i know i can and will be better but it's frustrating when people (including myself) compare one pace to another. in the end i just duck my head and keep on focusing on me. hoping there will be good changes again and a better life than this but for now.. it is what it is. i'm rambling now hahah i seem to always ramble here, guess tumblr is my safe space now lol thanks to those who read till the end anyway ^^ hope we all have a good / better life ahead

[lightningonatether]

Plushie AU: How do Punz and Dream act around Sam post reveal? Does Sam stay in his Plushie form? How do things change as time goes by and the shock of the reveal fades away?

…I have this image of Punz specifically taking revenge against Sam for the prison situation by treating him as a pet cat. Collar and pet toys and everything. 😂

oh god this is a very Thick ask... im not sure i can answer all your questions in one. im gonna focus on short term(say, next few months) consequences of the reveal. i wanted to answer this after i finished my reveal comic but its taking SO DAMN LONG. so instead im answering it now.

dream: he feels... betrayed? maybe not quite the right word. but he was ready to be done with sam. hed given sam a way out. from dreams perspective, this feels kind of like sams obsession rearing its ugly head again. he tried to leave sam behind, give them some distance, and then sam somehow violated his trust AGAIN. it feels, in some ways, more vulnerable than last time. dreams hugged him and cried into his fur for fucks sake, nobody was supposed to see that. to cope with having a guy he just cant seem to get rid of, dream avoids him. he doesnt touch him except when he thinks of something he'd like to test, and doesnt talk to him unless its a short command, he doesnt feed him, he doesnt let him out, he just. doesnt do Anything. that involves sam. he tells punz, you persuaded me we should keep him alive, you take care of him. which punz does :) gladly :)

punz: feels... anger, of course. but most importantly, he feels like he can FINALLY do something to make up for all the ways in which dreams been hurt. he can finally hurt someone back. because sam is now Entirely at his mercy. dream tells him he doesnt care, as long as he doesnt die. so youre right to single punz out. punz is Very interested in taking revenge. hes no stranger to violence and hes got an imagination and a year of pent up frustration to take out. he dedicates a bit of his time to making sure sam will stay perfectly obedient. not even Try to escape. its a thinly veiled excuse to just hurt sam and he wont deny it when sam points it out. it still technically counts as obedience training, right? you take it, you beg, you tell me just how sorry you are, and you dont fight back. because if you do, that just means i have to hurt you harder to make it stick. he thinks sams scum!!! and hes very open about it!!!

(its a funny role reversal. punz is obviously not quackity. dream has to remind himself of that sometimes. and punz is right to be angry, anyway, dream understands why he is, so dream wont stop him. a few times he has to come clean sam up afterwards. neither he nor sam really want to acknowledge how famiiliar this feels)

these also arent like... regular. theyre not planned. punz is having a bad day? sam looks at him wrong? usually he just gets a kick or a glare, but sometimes.. Yeah Hahah. remember i mentioned declawing? thats at the very least a Threat. not sure yet if punz follows through but... its a big possibility.

sams pov will Have to be another ask this is getting long

[thehypnone]

can you expand on eds and pots haver rain?

IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED, few headcannons coming right up (under the cut)!

I think Rain's eds isn't a very bad case, I don't think he'd play bass on stage and shit if it would (but it's still a total pain in the ass). He tried to hide his issues for a very long time because of that, he felt like it's not as bad as Zephyrs, so he shouldn't complain because, in his opinion, he has no right to. Even after years of his pack knowing and helping him whenever they can, he still sometimes feels shitty because of it because "its not that bad, it could be worse, I'll be fine". They always shut him up with something like "it could, but it isn't, and we'd take the same good care of you no matter if it would be worse or better".

Rain mostly feels frustrated with his illness, when he can't get up from anything without swaying, open a bottle of water or anything that should be easy. What brings him a bit of peace is the lake, not only because he's a water ghoul, but also because swimming is very good for his joints. BUT if he's having such a bad pain day he can't pick up his bass... then the frustration is gone and all that's left is fucking misery, panic attacks and crying till he passes out (yup, pots). He always screams at whoever wants to calm him thorough it that he can loose anything but the ability to play bass. He wouldn't survive it.

Regarding how eds and pots affect Rain in general, I think for most part it's joints popping out or locking (his back and hands the worst, Dew has to unlock him with his warmth), this dull, pulsing pain in his limbs for no reason, overall hypermobility (ofc) sometimes muscles spasming and bad sight (yup, that too). It's always the worst in the evening, all the pressure hitting up just as he lays down. Especially if he spent a majority of the day upright, then he's not just overall achy and tired, his whole body compresses as he can't breathe because his ribs are touching.

Pots makes Rain always tired, he's exhausted exactly the same whether he sleeps 3 or 13 hours, dizziness hits him in the most random moments, not rarely he just goes down (like Terzo on stage) in the middle of a conversation with someone. His heart races, always, and taking into consideration ghouls' enhanced hearing... yeah, imagine Swiss yelling at Rain to go lay down because he can hear his heart going 200 bpm across the hallway. Rain is in a better relationship with pots than eds, because the latter is still creating new restrictions for him, while pots is always the same. He's kind of used to it, while he cannot get used to shit eds brings along. But pots makes his mental health shitty too, he's tearing up immediately in moments when he just doesn't have the energy to go eat, to take a shower, to have a fun game night with his pack or to fuck.

Fuck, okay, I think that's enough for today, kids LMAO. I do have more hcs, but I'll leave them for some other occasion, hahah. Thank you for the ask!

[redheadbigshoes]

hiya, 🌻 here again~

I just got annoyed by a post's insinuation today that saying the bi lesbian label contributes to men going after lesbians is biphobic and that bi women should be allowed to appropriate our label to help keep men away from them when MEN GO AFTER LESBIANS REGARDLESS they want to abuse us and sexually assault us and saying youre a bi woman who doesnt want men to bother you by appropriating lesbian identity doesnt help either of us!!!!

appropriating lesbian identity is lesbophobic because there is real intercommunity abuse from bi women towards lesbians i have had it literally happen to me, I had been peer pressured for weeks by bi women in one of the first queer spaces I came out in about if I'm 'really not attracted to men' and 'just holding myself back' and gaslight and objectified to my face by them (including one of them that I was dating at the time) and bi men that were there and I'm already a trans woman I have very few places where I'm respected as myself and to be hurt like that has forever scarred me.

And I dont want bi women to be 'free to be abused by men because theyre available to men' i want bi women to stop pretending they are like me when they do not experience life or my struggles like i do! and can contribute to them! i want to help bi women to not have to worry about men pressuring them when they dont want it no woman deserves that but i wont let them appropriate my identity in the process when bi people have the position and ability and sometimes the inclination to replicate that lesbophobia against me!

Sorry I just read a post where someone basically said 'bi women should be able to call themselves lesbians if they want to avoid men' when that literally helps noone and they have literal power they can wield over me as a lesbian who is not attracted to men and suffers for it. Yes we both suffer violence from men who dont respect women's autonomy but you don't get to appropriate my identity because of that it doesnt make anything better.

anyway rant over! I hope things go well for you with the gal you met recently ❤️❤️❤️ wishing you the best!

Heyy

It’s SO frustrating not being able to complain about lesbophobia in the LGBTQ+ community because every time we do this we’re accused of being biphobic as a way to silence us and normalize lesbophobia. Meanwhile I see a lot of bi people generalizing lesbians and hating on us and NO ONE cares about this but lesbians.

People assume lesbians wanting everyone to understand even though we’re sapphics just like bi/pan sapphics we still have unique experiences that they don’t understand and never will! Just as they have unique issues and experiences us lesbians don’t understand and we don’t push and pressure them to be included in bi spaces…

I truly wish people in the community stopped treating the lesbian label as an umbrella term. We already have sapphic. I feel like a lot of these discussions usually come from people assuming lesbian = sapphic so that’s why we should include all sapphics in everything.

All these people you mentioned don’t care about lesbians at all and they don’t even hide that lol they desperately need to understand not everything is about bi sapphics and that lesbophobia is a real issue.

Thank you! I also hope it goes well hahah! At least we’re still talking. I hope you’re having a good day! ❤️

[bluegekk0]

Ok do you have any favourite games, that are not ran world or hollow knight?

I myself like slavic game series stalker :]

oooh there are so many games from my childhood (and more recent ones) that i'd love to mention

the first one i can remember is rayman. i love the first three games, especially 2 and 3. i have so many great memories connected to these games, and i wish 3d rayman made a comeback. after the mario and rabbids dlc, and the recent netflix show, i'm a little more hopeful about that

zoo tycoon 2 is also one of my favorite childhood games, alongside two other, far more obscure zoo games: marine park empire and wildlife park 2. i've always loved zoo games, i think it started with wlp2, it was sold as a part of a collection of animal related games. a similar one was jurassic park operation genesis - similar premise, except it's based around creating a jurassic park. the newest game in this genre is planet zoo, and i like it, but it can get very overwhelming with all of the modular building. it's time consuming and requires a lot of creativity, which isn't something i usually look for when i want to wind down and play something

another childhood series is the sims. the sims 2 specifically, though i also have many fond memories of the sims 3 (though i remember it more for the absurd loading times hahaha). while i like the sims 4, i find myself returning more to the sims 2 these days. it's very dated in some areas, but it offers a much deeper experience which i appreciate. and the lore can get batshit crazy sometimes which is great in on itself

i remember playing a lot of spore, especially the creature stage since i didn't understand the civilization and space stages at that point. i do enjoy them now, especially the latter, though i've never reached the ending of that one. i guess i just like exploring and trading with different planets too much

from some more modern games, i suppose, minecraft is one i like a lot. i started playing a few years after it's official release, and i remember starting with a pirated copy from a likely very sussy launcher. these days i usually just play it with friends from time to time

another series i'm a big fan of is the horizon series. horizon zero dawn and forbidden west. i know many people consider their gameplay nothing spectacular, but it's a big comfort game for me, especially the sequel. and the music, god the music in the second game is incredible

i mentioned assassin's creed, so i guess i'll talk about the series a bit. my favorite game is probably unity, i even named one of my cats after the protagonist. but i also love assassin's creed 2 and origins, both are great games. not too happy with the direction the series took, though, they feel too bloated and unfocused

i don't play that many multiplayer games these days, but team fortress 2 and (unfortunately) overwatch are my favorites. i like team games, even if they're often very frustrating. but the cooperation aspect generally really appeals to me

other games i can think of are patapon, subnautica, the yakuza series, both ori games, bugsnax and stardew valley

dang this is far longer than i thought it would be, but it's too difficult for me to pick one or two favorites hahah

also, i've heard about the stalker games before, though i've never played them myself. not too big on horror games haha

[thisdreamplace]

Hi Dream, how are you? 🥹

It's been a long time since I've sent an ask, but let me tell you that I feel like a recovering addict. Let me tell you why. When I found the law of assumption and EIYPO, I became a control freak. "Acceptance" was not in my vocabulary. This really frustrated me because there were situations that I couldn't change, and I also did not have in me that humility to accept things as they were.

A huge problem was me not being able to accept rejection (romantically) because I had this mindset of "I can only be rejected if I allow it". So whenever a potential romantic partner didn't want me, I became a control freak and wanted to change the situation very badly, and became obsessed with the person. I never got significant movement with these people who I was trying to change, for obvious reasons. I was not seeing my own value, and only cared to be valued by others no matter what, even going as far as putting myself in dysfunctional situations.

Recently, I was once again rejected, but this time the difference was that I do not want to change it. I do not want anything different. I've had a hard time trying not to blame myself for it, and trying to just move on. Normally I would try to force mental images that I don't even feel pleased with, about this guy being obsessed with me. This time I am allowing myself to taste what it is like to just accept it, to be fearlessly disliked.

It is not a bad thing. Maybe, yes, he is mirroring me, and that's fine. It makes no sense to try to get out of my way to change his mind. Or, try to fool myself, and change my mind for the sake of changing his. Idk if you know what I mean? I feel like right now the most sane thing I can do, is not to shift this whole thing or try to do anything about this, but instead, just let it be like this. Allow myself to feel this disappointment freely. To just observe it. I do not need anything different. And like, this opportunity can serve me as a way to bring me closer to myself.

I feel like I don't know how to explain how I'm feeling. I'm kinda confused. Sometimes I think "why will I allow him to reject me if I can 'manifest' him", but being completely I don't even have reasons to want him, besides the fact that my ego is hurt.

But anyways, this feels new to me and idk why I wanted to send you this. I guess, I wanted to talk about it, and I feel like I've followed you for so long that I feel like you're like a friend or a big sister that I really appreciate.

hiiii <3 i'm okay ! how are you ? :))

hahah its totally okay. because i think MOST of us can agree with that on some level ?? i was also a control freak, and ouch. did it hurt me more than help me. and acceptance was so scary at first, that i put it off for a long time before allowing myself to being practicing it. but hey, you made it here. so good for you !

i also understand your past struggles in that way. when youre on that control kick, you dont even really want anything other than to PROVE it. so you hold on to people, things, circumstances... as a way to try and show that you are in control after all.

everything that you're saying is making sm sense to me, seriously. and i'm glad for you that you're choosing to deal with this circumstance differently than you have in the past. THIS is the biggest start. i remember being in a veryyyyy similiar situation as you before, and i ended up manifesting a measly text a week after a rejection and for a second i felt happy... and in the next second i felt like a silly clown. that was my final turning point, where i realized it was time to change. bc what i DIDNT want was these failed experiences and trying to do control damage after each one. so i stopped trying to control things. i started to just accept what was, and start putting more energy and life into the experience i did want. and most of that looked like... just letting life be, and learning how to enjoy life as it was for me at that moment.

so anyway. what youre experiencing right now, i understand it fully. the ego will make us chase and chase. but we really don't have to, if we'll step into acceptance which feels scary and uncomfortable at first for many. but its what leads us exactly where we wanna go.

i'm glad you shared it with me. i'm proud of you and where you're at in your journey ! you're doing the best you can for you. and thats wonderful. 🥹 <3 i appreciate you sm ! thank you for being here.

xo

[one-abuse-survivor]

im recovering, slowly but its happening, snd its weird. i feel my emotions a lot stronger now, its been around 6 months since i left my parents' house and some days are great, i feel stronger and way more confident than i ever did there, i have an amazing job and i just love life. but there are days where everything is just too much, like today. every part of me hurts on the inside and im just tired. its like my heart aches and my chest has an emotional pain inside of it. my grandad died 4 years ago almost, and i feel like im finally getting the chance to grieve him. every day i miss him more and more and i just want him back. it feels like he died yesterday. my nanan died just over a year ago and i feel like im just processing shes gone. im grieving my grandparents, my parents(who they used to be before they abused me), and my (practically nonexistent) childhood all at once and it just hurts inside. its a hurt that makes me feel alive but i just want it to stop and leave me alone. im hoping this is a normal/regular thing people like me go through, and im also hoping it gets better soon. i know it wont in the near future, i feel all the memories coming back some days and i can only process one or two at a time, and it sometimes frustrates me because i want to get it over with, like ripping a bandaid off, but i just cant, and it has to be done step by step. i just miss my grandparents. a lot. im crying a lot more lately too, just feeling my emotions so much stronger since ive started to truly process my trauma. do they stay this strong or settle down? im triggered pretty easily, which, in time, i hope stops happening so easily. i know recovery is a hard road but im thankful and very grateful that i got the chance to start it so early in life. im 19, moved out at 18, and its a bit hard, just so thankful i have a good therapist 😂 sometimes i just get so angry at everything and want to just hurt myself to make the pain stop, or just feel like i do today, slow and tired and achy. i get the rare amazingly happy day, and make sure i enjoy it, dw hahah but idk i just wanted to vent/say this in hopes of hearing that other people are going through this too, and that im not alone

Hey, nonnie. I'm so glad to hear you're away from your parents and recovering from the abuse and trauma you endured. That's amazing, I'm really happy for you ❤️

Yes, in my experience, it is normal to experience these sort of shifts inside you, especially during the first few years of recovery. I personally also went through phases where I would cry almost daily, phases where my emotions seemed out of control, or where I randomly felt immense grief/anger/sadness/disgust. And I can tell you that, in my case, with the help of time and therapy, the bad days, which used to be frequent and leave me exhausted, have become rare and much more manageable. Now, 5 years into recovery, I can have a bad trauma moment (hell, I can even run into my mother) and still enjoy the rest of my day. And my emotions have become much more stable, too. I rarely feel like I'm not in control of them.

Obviously, not everything is easy or perfect. I still live with PTSD, and there's plenty of things I still need to keep working on, like being vulnerable and trusting others, but... The good days have definitely become the norm over time, instead of the exception. In fact, I can't even remember the last time I had a proper emotional flashback or ugly-cried from how overwhelmed I felt (knocking on wood, haha).

So, yes, nonnie, it does get better with time. Recovery isn't linear—I'm sure you've heard that already—but it does get better. Though there may be ups and downs, and you might go through completely unexpected lows as you process all your emotions, the tendency will be to move upwards, and, if you're anything like me, one day you'll wake up and realise you can't even remember the last time you ugly-cried or felt like the world was ending. You'll just be living your life.

You're doing amazingly! There might still be bad days ahead of you, but there are countless good days to come, too.

I hope you can find ways to safely express your anger with the help of your therapist, and I hope you have the space and tools to process some of your grief and trauma memories as they resurface.

Sending a big virtual hug ❤️

Oh, and if anyone else wants to reassure anon that they're not alone, feel free to do so!

[supportingfire]

i gotta say. it's been a not so great start to the year for me. and tbh i'm old enough to know the "new year" doesn't dictate shit, it's just a floating rock's position in front of the sun in the universe and you can start or stop anything at any time, but still. losing my grandmother has genuinely fucked me up in very subtle ways, i see her everywhere and in everything and i miss her very, very much. i am also growing increasingly more frustrated with my job, realizing after 3 years with the company i have little to show for it aside from a boosted resume. and recently i dropped a substantial amount of money on my car to get some things fixed in the hopes i can take it with me when i move (finally) in with my partner, only for it to shit the bed TODAY less than two weeks later. the money i've been desperately squirreling away is being eaten in to before i can do shit, and i feel as though i have not gotten ahead once since the year started. i'm afraid i won't meet my goals thru no fault of my own.

and i love to write, i've been working on a personal non-fiction in my spare time as well as rping but even that is becoming harder. i feel overbearing, sometimes. or "too much." the things i want to respond to aren't available, or the things i have to respond to aren't clicking. and i'm a very very firm believer in the fact that rp is always just for fun, it's a hobby, and if you try to force it, you defeat the purpose of the hobby in the first place so i never force anything, but then i feel bad for not doing anything. i'm sure we all fall into that cycle. and i'm afraid of coming off as aloof or invasive, i can be both at the same time and it's fucking dumb.

idk what this was for other than to vent. i don't really have many outlets to do that. i appreciate any who read this far. don't feel obligated to respond, this is mostly here to air out my woes for the last month or so. i'll be fine. it's just a low point, i'm due for a high any day now hahah.

[iphee]

my battlestar galactica thoughts

putting this under a read more because of major spoilers for the entire show.

I don’t even know where to begin. I watched the last episode yesterday and I’ve still not recovered. The thing with binging the entirety of the show in less than a month is you get all of the story at once and not in increments as you would watching it when it aired. Which means, a lot of stuff is sorta blended together in my head and there’s a lot I have forgotten about, simply because the characters change so much during the seasons that looking back on moments in season 1 you can barely recognise these same characters and their motivations. This is a good thing though, character development (or regression) is a vital part of great storytelling. and boy, what a monumentous journey, both literally and figuratively. This story took me places I never expected to go, with mindblowing plottwist i never saw coming. Knowing absolutely nothing about this show and, somehow, having avoided all spoilers that mattered, I came into this fully expecting only two things: 1. There was going to be aliens.

2. The Starbuck and Lee romance. (My initial reason for starting the show. They’re both cute.) 

I did not expect the aliens (or the Cylons) to be manmade AI creation gone rogue, but I loved it. I loved everything regarding the Cylons (except, perhaps, the human genocide. that wasn’t lit); How they came to be, the way they perceived themselves and the humans and the struggle of adhering to your programming or breaking out of it and becoming more than just a machine. It was utterly fascinating. Likewise to see the human aspect, which is of course the main point of focus throughtout the initial seasons. And I think this is what makes this show so good, because everybody, Cylon or not, are so very, very human and I could love a character utterly in one moment and in the next they could fill me with frustration or contempt even. (Tom Zarek i’m eyeing you hard) 

I enjoyed the spirituality of the show as well. This was something I did not expect, at least not to this degree, and this made me grateful that I have waited until now with getting into the show. I don’t believe a younger me would have appreciated the message of the show as well as present me does. Honestly, it’s a bittersweet story but in itself also deeply moving and hopeful. I don’t think I’ve cried so much to a show before, but all the characters really had me going through it.  Especially Lee and Starbuck. The internet somehow had let me to the assumption that the were The Couple. They were Endgame. and I fully expected that, so I was fine with watching their dance around each other, the whole “will they, wont they?” scenario I’ve seen times before. But I enjoyed it, I always found their scenes together interesting and fun (and sometimes frustrating). I just felt really bad for Sam and Dee (best girl, love you), and I would just sit there like “please for the love of galactica, divorce your partners and get together already, why is this dragging out??”  and then... they don’t even end up together??? because starbuck apparently DID die in season 3 and the kara we see is either her angelic form (beautiful) or an angelic being with the memories of kara thrace and not actually her (devastating) and she just disappears when they finally reach our earth and her job is done. The way Lee just stands there alone in the meadow just about broke my heart. Dee dead, Kara dead, Dad gone. Ah, so tragic. But mostly sad for me and my shipper heart I think. I really did love them and wanted them to be together. 

And just as I was trying to recover from that they just timeskipped 150.000 years and essentially killed off everybody hahah. But I did enjoy the last 5 minutes in present time, and I honestly thought (hoped) they would tease us with showing some of the characters reincarnated, but alas no juice. Instead we do get to see the Gaius and Caprica Six “Angels” walk down the street of a present day metropolian city and I thought their short conversation tied up everything quite nicely. And it was all in all a cool bit of foreshadowing for what could truly be in store for the human race, if we are not careful. Very thoughtprovoking conclusion and all in all a stellar note to end the show on. 

There’s so much i could talk about, this is merely the tip of the iceberg and I will probably make another post talking about all the main characters because they deserve to be talked about individually and i love them and i miss them and I am not crying again, nope. 

Regardless, I really think this show sets a precedent for future shows to be inspired by. Though it is by no means without flaws, i still felt the quality of the show was top notch and I’m so grateful to the cast and crew for this considerable accomplishment. What a beast of a story, what amazing characters and attention to details. This show has earned a special place in my heart and I can’t wait to rewatch this show in 10 years time and probably cry just as much as the first time around. 

So say we all.

[defenestratin]

for the art ask game hahah: 24. how do you deal with artblock?

HEWWO LIAAAA!!

Usually with artblock there’s two main reasons: frustrated with art OR external life things/burnout !

My first step is to identify which it is so it doesn’t spiral into frustration at myself because the worst way to go about it is to blame myself for my inability to churn smth out!

I usually take a break, play some games, read some fic, sometimes write original fic and head canon with my partner! Or somehow get the timing right and one of my friends commissions me to draw something a little out of my comfort zone that I can experiment with!

I also sometimes like to watch process vids or breakdowns from other artists for inspiration! It’s very important not to compare myself to them, and see it as learning instead of focusing on my lack of knowledge :3