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iinfortunii · 4 years ago

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rules: code of conduct.

BEGIN.

Before we start, I would like you to have certain things in mind when approaching me ooc. I am very shy and quite awkward, which results in me not being much of a talker; however, I will always try my best to be friendly to whoever wants to approach. I dislike pet names so please do not use them with me unless we are very close. There will be times when I'm just exhausted, so my wording could sound rude/aggressive, to which I apologize in advance -I never mean to hurt people’s feelings. I also reserve the right to interact with WHOEVER I want, and pestering me about it will only get you blocked.

Updates will be made as required.

I. BASIC.

A. This blog is: Selective / Independent / Canon Divergent / NSFW / Mutuals only / Singleship / Mostly iconless / Multiverse / AU, Crossover, OC, and Multimuse friendly / Vaguely affiliated with the OP RP fandom.

B. I am a very slow rper for many reasons —school, family, my ever-fluctuating mood —and I would appreciate it if you refrained from pestering me for replies. In return I offer as much patience as necessary. Think of this blog as low activity please.

C. English is not my mother language so I apologize in advance for any mistakes made.

D. I track the tag #iinfortunii, although mentioning me works just as fine.

E. Constructive criticism is always welcome but anon hate will be immediately deleted. I have no problems if you disagree with my portrayal, but it doesn't give you the right to harass me.

F. Mun and muse are both over 18, so there are chances that heavy content will be present; however I won't be writing smut. I can roleplay anything before or after the act if requested, but the moment things get far too explicit, I'll do a fade-to-black. I ask of you to not lie about your age or else you’ll be blocked indefinitely.

G. This is a heavily headcanon-based blog, and changes are likely to be made as more information is revealed about him, though I reserve the right to adjust the new information according to my interpretation of Deuce or simply ignore it, which is why I’m canon divergent.

H. If you'd like to turn an ask into a thread, you can turn it into a new post, or reblog from me, as I won't be using the Tumblr asks anymore due to the problems that come with formatting and such.

I. Ask box is open for everyone ic or ooc, but you aren't allowed to turn it into a thread and nor I will reply to it if we’re not mutuals. Please don't push me, because I won't hesitate to block.

J. No godmoding —only a minor is allowed if it moves a thread forward —or metagaming, please. Don't kill Deuce either, unless plotted beforehand, and most importantly, don't hold your muse back.

K. Discord is available for mutuals upon request.

L. Just because I write something it does not mean I condone it. Please have this in mind and again, do not pester me about it. Any and all nsfw matters will be tagged accordingly. There will be triggering topics present, and you can know more about this on the section below.

M. DO NOT involve me in drama or call-out posts. I’m heavily against both things. On this note, you’ll never see me rebloging a call-out post. This culture is so damaging and toxic, and I firmly believe no one should play the role of the judge for the good of the community just because you had issues with someone or don’t agree with the things they roleplay. Talk things privately, be mature about it, hard-block the person and move on. I am also very aware that a lot of people have done things that can’t be excused, but I like to believe that people can change for the better. If you try to drag me into it, I'll hard block any and all people involved indefinitely.

II. TRIGGERS.

A. They will be tagged as trigger tw, trigger / and trigger cw.

B. I do my best to stay up to date with my mutuals triggers. Your comfort is way more important to me than you might think, so never be hesitant to approach me via IM, (anonymous) ask or stop following me.

C. Triggers that are likely to appear, although some more than others: violence || blood || death || drugs || abuse || knives || body image || medical equipment || suggestive content || etc

D. I have no triggers, so you are free to go wild with your content. I only ask you remember to tag your nsfw (both written and visual), please.

III. INTERACTIONS.

A. Deuce won't like everyone. He might/will make wrong assumptions about your character. He will insult and bite back. He won't always be nice to those he likes. He does many things that serve his interests. You, as the mun, have no reason to take it personal, because I'm won't follow someone I don't like; if you DO take it personal however, and decide to rouse drama, then I'll be hard-blocking you. Goes for me as well —I have no reason to get angry for any of the things noted above.

B. My bonds page displays the relationships that have been built over time, not necessarily through interaction alone but over plotting as well. Refer to it for more information.

C. Interactions with OCs related to canon characters will only take place as long as said OCs have a detailed about page. Personally, I'm not interested in the idea of an OC being blood-related to my portrayal, so I apologize in advance.

D. Formatting isn’t a big thing across my blogs, save for the small text. Please don’t mix either sup/sub with small text when writing with me, as I have eyesight problems. Don’t use colored text either.

E. Non-romantic pre-established relationships are allowed! Just make sure to talk it out with me first, yeah?

01. Spade / Whitebeard pirates (canon and original characters alike that i am MUTUALS with) will have a pre-established relationship as long as the other mun is comfortable with such idea, though that relationship will be limited to merely crewmates, unless discussed otherwise.

F. You don’t need to match my writing length as long as I’m given enough to work with. If something about my reply bothers or doesn’t work with you, let me know and I’ll re-work it.

G. I really enjoy plotting scenarios or talking out about the relationships my muse could have with other muses, so hit me up if you’ve got any ideas! I’ll try to do the same!

H. Mun does not equal muse, so don’t go assuming I’m a jerk simply because Deuce is an asshole from time to time. I’m set on the idea that I’ll give people the same treatment they give me —which is always nice and kind. Kudos to everyone for this ♡

I. I don’t use a threadtracker because I rely on my memory (terrible mistake, I know), but I try to draft people’s replies as soon as I see them. If by any reason it seems like I lost it, then please let me know / send me a link with it and I’ll be deeply grateful.

J. I don’t do nor reply to greetings starters for matters of my own comfort, so I ask of you to never expect a starter or a reply from them.

IV. SHIPPING.

A. Singleship, with the spot taken by daadzi, which means Deuce is no longer open for romantic relationships.

01. Under no circumstances, I will accept more romantic relationships once the spot is taken. That being said, I won’t discourage your muse from falling for / hitting on him, although I ask you to understand he will never respond with the same interest or will never react gently if he’s pushed too far.

02. If my shipping partner is comfortable enough, I'll interact with duplicates with the condition that the relationship is strictly platonic.

B. Constant interaction, mutual interest, and chemistry are a must for the sake of better communication (both ic and ooc, preferably).

C. Please do not approach me if you wish our characters to have either a: one night stand or friends with benefits type of relationships. It won’t work out due to the nature of Deuce’s personality, and for that I apologize.

E. My ship has its own tag so you're free to block it if you don't want to see it on your dashboard. In addition, I'll also tag those posts with only the ship name for this very purpose.

F. Please do not force ships on me.

V. CELEBRATIONS.

A. First off, I am absolutely terrible at keeping up with dates, and to be frank, I am not the biggest fan of celebrating, which is why I think it’s necessary to say I won’t be partaking in any holidays, not even Deuce’s birthday (not that he has one, to begin with). Obviously I will still reply to any gifts received, and will send out things in return —you know, common courtesy.

B. I won't be sending out birthday gifts every year, and I might write drabbles for people once in a blue moon; it doesn’t mean they will be done for the specific date though, so please be patient.

VI. REASONS TO NOT FOLLOW BACK / UNFOLLOW.

A. Too much drama / call-outs / vague posts / sexual content.

B. Content makes me uncomfortable.

C. You are a personal blog without a visible rp sideblog. Please make sure it's easy to find.

D. You do not have a proper tag system.

E. Your blog doesn’t have a rules and about pages.

F. You lack the manners to deal with people respectfully.

G. I have no interest / lost interest.

H. I'm constantly / only used as a meme archive.

I. Other reasons may apply. I will soft block so we can both cease following each other and avoid any potential awkward situations. I won’t make a fuss if you decide to unfollow so I expect the same courtesy.

VII. ABOUT BEATRICE.

She is not a real person. Her concept as Deuce’s (toxic) pseudolover is my creation and was somewhat inspired from the real life Beatrice Portinari. Do have in mind that Deuce doesn’t talk about her so your muse can’t simply approach him and ask about her unless they can go through his memories / read his mind / any capability alike or he speaks about her, though it won't take a genius to figure out that she's a product of his imagination.

You can read about her by clicking here -link to be added.

She serves as a lie to shield himself from the internalized homophobia he deals with up until meeting Ace.

NOTE: As stated previously, Mun =/= muse, but I too have been dealing with compulsory heterosexuality for far too long, so I'd like to apologize in advance for projecting a bit of that into my portrayal. I'll work so that this part makes sense with what we've been given from Ace's novel.

VIII. MISCELLANEOUS.

A. I will never force people to follow me, so if by any reason you have to unfollow/block me, please go ahead. Your comfort matters and have every right to do what you must to ensure your wellbeing. With that said, I will not tolerate and will immediately hard block if you try to police my content.

B. I do not follow back immediately, and it can take me from a few hours to several days to follow back. Do not take it personally if I choose not to.

C. If I follow it’s because I am interested in interacting. I only ask you to be patient because it might take me a while to gather the courage to send something to your inbox or talk to you.

D. I have. ZERO knowledge about medicine. Don’t expect me to go full force and try to be 100% accurate, because I won’t.

E. I practice reblog karma (send a meme to someone if I’m rebloging it from them). If you see something you’d like to reblog but have no intention in sending something yourself, then please reblog from the source.

IX. FINISH.

Thank you for taking the time to read this! As you might have noticed, there’s no password to send. Make sure to check the psa tag for any updates, or don’t hesitate to send an ask if there’s anything unclear! I do my best so as not to post too much OOC posts, but sometimes it just happens. If it's nothing important, then I'll erase it whenever I have the chance/remember.

Keanu Reeves vc: You’re all breathtaking!

#pinned post.#long post #❝ —talking nonsense ; ooc #❝ —off to new adventures ; queue #ooc.#queue.#[ this is a very long post btw ]

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bazz-b · 4 years ago

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THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Thomas/Tom AGE: +25 CONTACT: IM, Ask, Discord

CHARACTER(S): Bazz-B, King Baraggan Louisenbairn, Kurosaki Ichigo, Ichibei Hyosube

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR: I have an ATLA and LOK AU for Bazz-B, but no Bleach AUs for external muses

MY LANGUAGE(S): Passable Japanese, Survivable Italian, Fluent English

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. (what Bazz-B wants is reflected in italics)

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?: YES / NO only by Mutuals?: YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK.

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?: YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. (usually but I need to catch up at the moment)

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. /DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY I

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: You can IM me or send an ask, but the tumblr messaging systems SUCK so I encourage y’all to add me on discord and then just go ham. I’ll only turn down a plot if it’s OOC for Bazz-B, but otherwise I’ll usually try anything. If it’s not working out I’ll typically let you know, but I’m game for most things.

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: Honestly, not a lot. You can be as invested or as chaotic as works for you. You get the urge to suddenly write a specific theme? Hit me with it. The urge goes and you lose interest, that’s fine. Four weeks later and the muse hits you again LETS DO THIS.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: I don’t typically struggle with this issue. If anything, I’m the lackluster end of the plotting side. I typically run things through Bazz-B as their happening, rarely looking forward. Unless there’s an overarching story we’re specifically working towards I’m pretty weak sauce. Sorry people!

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?: I’ll typically propose an idea and then see where our muses take us. If my partner needs a rough road map, I’m happy to negotiate what we’d each like to see happen. Generally speaking I let Bazz-B take the wheel.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: If you want to drop a thread, I’m completely fine with it. The only reason I’d want to know is so I don’t start panicking and think that I forgot to reply you your latest response to it.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: If I lose the thread, or if I think it’s reach a natural conclusion. I don’t typically abandon one in the middle on purpose.

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: I don’t require a constant, nor deep level of communication, but it’s important to voice concerns. People tend to internalize problems until they become these big ordeals. A friendly message every now and again can save everyone a lot of drama later.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: I BEG for negative feedback. Even if you feel like your nitpicking, it’s the number one thing I crave from writing partners. Tell me what you dislike and I can work on it.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: To tell a story. Bazz-B is my primary muse, and his entire tale is so interesting to me. The foundations of his identity are flawed and I want to explore that as much a I can, throw him into as many situations as possible and watch him evolve.

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS: My left arm for an entire roster of Sternritter, of course. Bazz-B and Liltotto surviving after the war. A reality where Bazz-B finds happiness and acceptance in himself. A healthy bond with a Shinigami.

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: I’ll not write rape, it’s understandably triggering for a lot of people and writing it glorifies it, I think. Also racism in a real world setting? I’ve come to terms with it in regards to Shinigami and Arrancar, but they’re fictional groups. I wont engage with it outside of that. Finally, trans-phobia. If a guy like Bazz-B doesn’t engage with that sort of vile nonsense, none of you should either.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: Starters that provide a setting and a purpose are great. The sort of starter that turns it back at the recipient with something akin to “Why are you here” are confining. Also, if in the starter your muse is already pushing away mine.. Bazz-B might just nope outta there.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?: Despite my main muse being Bazz-B (or perhaps in favour of it) I typically write as old men cemented deeply in their ways. Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni, King Baraggan Louisenbairn and Ichibei Hyosube are just some examples. Bazz-B kinda fits the bill too.. I GUESS.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: Cold, distant, dispassionate sorts. I could never write as the likes of Ishida, Ulquiorra, Haschwalth, etc. They’re all very nuanced characters, they just don’t mesh well with me.

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I typically respond lightning fast, my last two weeks or so a poor example of that. I’m passionate, you’ll not find another person so desperately in love with Bazz-B as this fool. I’m easy-going, you can take as long as you want and I’ll still be ready to rumble.

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: Tumblr confuses the hell out of me, I don’t understand a lot of lingo and the big CARDINAL LAWS of writing. I struggle with scene transitioning and limb placement, and my tags are a mess.

DO YOU RP SMUT?: YES / NO/ DEPENDS.

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: What I want and what Bazz-B want are wildly different things. This man is planting a flag in the middle of bonezone whether I agree or not. I commonly write smut because it’s what Bazz-B wants, but I prefer to do it for development.

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: I am personally the most vanilla dude you’ll meet. I can google things but it might not translate very well.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?: YES / NO A characters growth should never be locked to a specific person, but exploring a character in isolation can only get you so far. As people, we grow from one another. Romance is a key factor in formulating a person’s ideals, but that’s no the only form of ship. The eventual friendship between Bazz-B and Liltotto and Giselle is one of the most interesting things to me. A romance surviving Silbern is incredibly powerful in my opinion. The bond of a teacher and a student. There are so many situations that force a character to change how they would typically react.

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. More and more I’ve been thinking that I’ve been writing Bazz-B in more ships, but that is not the blog’s focus. Ultimately I’m exploring the character of Bazz-B, and that just happens to be inclusive of ships. Some of my most active writing partners also happen to be muses that Bazz-B has excitedly/begrudgingly/unexpectedly fallen for.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU: MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship — MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: Individuals who challenge Bazz-B, who force him to rise above what he is, what he thinks he should be. Who tear down complacency and demand better of him in all ways. Whether overtly, intentionally, whatever!

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - If you come to me and sell me a story, I’m in. I’m easily swayed by visual art, written lyrics (my ears don’t work so good with music for some reason) and themes.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: Bazz-B is a fun guy to taunt, and to cause havoc with. But he’s more than just a hothead, you can read any one of my many rants if you wanna find out about that. With a plot to kill God spanning 1000 years, a burning fury and misguided ideals dragged through the mud of “the lesser of two evils”, he’s a real party trick.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?: Muses who, from the start, wish to disengage with Bazz-B. I understand it might be in character, but both Bazz-B and I are gonna struggle to engage if there’s not some allowances made.

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?: His ultimate goal is the death of Yhwach. In a perfect world that would coexist with a Quincy victory over the Shinigami, vengeance for genocide. But he’ll take the former over the latter.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?: Style, first and foremost. If a Quincy had modified their Wandenreich uniform he’s gonna take notice and make some judgement calls. The rest comes after.

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?: Honesty to themselves, and a drive to survive. Not to be buried by what’s expected of them, or what they should do. Free will is one of the fundamental truths of the world.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?: Motorbikes, Pop-culture, Fashion, Movies, Himself.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: History, loyalty beyond all else, the importance of leadership and hierarchy, lectures of all kinds.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?: His family was burned alive by the man who claimed to be their God. Entering a war on the losing side, his kind facing extinction. Hiding in the shadows, surrounded by a extremist military cult.

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?: After a certain point in his life, it’s really only Hollows that should fear indiscriminate murder. Unless you threaten his fragile peace, or claim Yhwach was just.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?: Bazz-B hates Hollows, and any Quincy loyalists that stand by Yhwach post-Aushwalen. Anyone who saw the true colors of their progenitor and still deluded themselves into thinking him right.. it’s disgusting.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: Stoke his ego and you’re usually set for a good few hours.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: Nothing you cant already find on one of my many ramblings about that greatest Quincy that every lived, Bazzard ‘Bazz-B’ Black!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by: @equipollency (I got a phantom notification so I rolled with it)

Tagging: @diepower + @zombiequincy + @verzinken + @cheonsaaui + @bleachsthetic + @senboago + any other quincy reading this

#meme: answered #I dunno who has done this so take a mass quincy tag

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damienthepious · 5 years ago

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im. heck. this is long. tuesday???!? aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. forgive typos i’m RUSHING to get this up before i have to leave for work.

Scattered On My Shore (Chapter 14)

[Ch 1] [Ch 2] [Ch 3] [Ch 4] [Ch 5] [Ch 6] [Ch 7] [Ch 8] [Ch 9] [Ch 10] [Ch 11] [Ch 12] [Ch 13] [ao3] [Ch 15] [Ch 16] [Ch 17] [Ch 18] [Ch 19]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla, Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Rilla, Lord Arum, Sir Damien

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Pre-Relationship, (for the three of them. it’s established r/d), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Injury, Injury Recovery, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, (this will also be), Enemies to Lovers, (for damien and arum eventually lol)

Fic Summary: Strange things wash up out of the lake near Rilla’s hut, on occasion. But this monster… this monster is certainly the strangest.

Chapter Summary: A homecoming.

Chapter Notes: These dang things just keep getting longer, don't they? Also I'm emotional. I'm so fucking emotional. Chapter specific warnings for an explicit threat of violence, not carried through with.

Arum insists on coming out to the front room for breakfast the next morning. Saving his strength is all well and good, but if Arum need be confined to that little bed for the entire time between now and their departure, he will certainly not make it that far. Amaryllis was right, that day he attempted escape. At least the view out there is different, and- well. He is comfortable in the room with the cot, by now, but it is far less clinical in Amaryllis' living space. It makes him feel less of a patient and more… more of a guest. Which he should not care about, of course.

Amaryllis relents rather quickly on the subject, provided that he agree to pick a spot and stick to it, until the evening. She is overly concerned with him, not quite paranoid but certainly delving into the territory of what Arum is comfortable referring to as fretting. She scowls when he calls it that, which is gratifying, but it also appears to make her more conscious of how delicate she is being with him, and she rolls her eyes at herself before she helps to lift him to his feet, shuffling slowly out to the table.

Amaryllis and Sir Damien keep their hands clasped between them throughout their breakfast together. Seems inconvenient, Arum thinks, pulling his eyes away from the easy way their fingers interlace. They do not have an overabundance of limbs to work with. Surely they should not impede themselves for such a- a pointless gesture.

They are-

Arum cannot say what, precisely, it is, but he feels as if something is strange between the pair of them. Or- or perhaps that something had been strange, and has now settled. They are sitting closer, and something about their proximity feels… easier. Sir Damien, in particular, seems more calm, though Amaryllis still has a layer of nervous energy to her.

Of course, Amaryllis is not particularly patient. She does not hold the tension inside of her for long, after they have finished eating.

"So," Amaryllis says, and Arum frowns instantly. "So… Damien is gonna be- coming with us for the trip."

Arum jerks his head to look at the knight, and Damien nods slightly.

"Wh-why?" Arum barks.

"Because… because I want to," Damien says quietly, and then he- smiles, soft and odd, and Arum remembers Damien's hand on his chin, despite himself, "and because I do not think it would be safe for only the pair of you to take that trip. Too many potential dangers, on both sides. I am certain that Rilla has discussed- ah, potential ways to disguise you, so that you will be in less danger from… knights."

Damien's voice has gone soft as well, and Arum can see some strange pain on his face, though Arum cannot say precisely what that indicates. How much separation can this creature feel from his own order?

"But of course that does not mean there will not still be some risk, if…" Damien pauses again. "I would feel better, being there. And… I have my part in this, as well."

"Your part ," Arum echoes. "What do you mean, your part in this?"

Damien pauses for a long moment, clearly considering his words.

"I want to see you home and safe as well, Arum. I have… committed this far. I will follow through."

"Committed?" Arum says. "I hardly think this counts as a commitment. You- you have allowed Amaryllis to- you have denied your duty in slaying me-"

Arum cuts himself off with a wince, then glances toward Amaryllis and away again. Damien does not rise to this statement, does not comment or deny.

It is clear, from the mild confusion on Amaryllis' face, that Damien has not told her the precise shape of what passed between the two of them, the previous day. What Arum nearly pushed Sir Damien to do.

"You…" Arum trails off. "Fine. If you should like to come, I do not see what it will hurt. I shall be curious to see how deep your treachery runs."

"Arum," Rilla warns.

Arum winces again, then sighs and looks away. "It is not as if I could stop you, anyway."

Damien tilts his head. Arum can see it, in his periphery.

"If it would… truly cause you distress, I would… I would worry rather deeply, but I would stay-"

"I said I could not stop you," Arum repeats in a sharp voice. "It is not as if you distress me, songbird, I simply- I do not understand."

"Yes," Damien says softly. "Well. That is… fair. It is a… somewhat complicated situation, is it not? But- but I will take this journey with you, if you allow me."

"I said I could not stop you, honeysuckle,” Arum growls, and judging by Amaryllis’ breath of laughter his tone must be unconvincing. “If that is your choice, that is your choice."

Damien's mouth curls slightly, a smile vague but pleasant, and Arum can't stand to keep his eyes on the pair of them together, though they keep drawing back, regardless.

"Very well. I will accompany you, then."

Arum huffs, wrinkling his snout. "I am surprised that your Citadel can spare you. I thought you creatures were rather strictly kept."

Damien purses his lips, then sighs. "We are… currently in something of a lull, I suppose. There was a thread our Investigator General intended to pull, but… well… when pulled, the pattern simply unraveled. There was a rash of monster attacks with similar stratagems, but they've dissipated like mist over the last… during the last few…" he trails off, his tone going blank. "The… the last few weeks."

Arum feels the twinge in his frill, knows perfectly well he is giving himself away, but Damien does not turn his eyes towards him, accusatory or otherwise.

The pause draws long, and Amaryllis is clearly hovering on the edge of words herself.

"Well?" Arum snaps, eventually. "Are you going to ask or aren't you? Go ahead, then. I told you I made weapons against your kind. What, precisely, were these consistent stratagems you were attempting to ferret out?"

"Arum," Rilla says gently, but Arum scowls more deeply as Sir Damien meets his eyes.

“Well, Sir Damien?”

Damien holds his gaze, for a quiet moment. "There were a number of creatures, in short time, utilizing powers of manipulation. Encouraging conflict, stoking self doubt, provoking pain. Assaulting the mind first, in order to more effectively destroy the body."

"Yes," Arum says in a hiss. "Yes, I am certain I created the creatures of which you speak. I cannot imagine any other could have managed to replicate my work."

"The mushrooms," Rilla murmurs, her brow furrowed. "It was- pain. Illusions of things we- things we were afraid of, things that hurt us."

Arum wishes he could burn the grubs a second time. The look on Amaryllis' face is unbearable, but then she looks up at him, raking her eyes over his face, her expression oddly desperate.

"Yes," he hisses again.

"I…" Damien's face goes mournful as Arum snaps his attention back to the knight. "I cannot say that no harm was done by the creatures, that none were killed. I cannot alleviate your guilt in that way-" Arum scoffs, but he cannot deny, not with the way Damien is looking at him. "But… but I can say that none are doing harm any longer."

Arum looks away, too uncomfortable to pretend otherwise. "If you say so."

"Regardless," Damien continues in a low, measured voice. "As to whether or not I may be spared by the Citadel- while the Investigator General searches for a new loose thread to worry over, the ranks await more specific direction, and-" Damien gives a very small laugh, and the corner of Rilla's mouth pulls into an answering smile. "And I very, very rarely use the time I am granted, for leave. More often than not, I am too worried over the prospect of leaving my fellow knights without assistance. So… none were troubled, that I wished to take my allotted time now, to assist my Rilla."

It is more of an answer than Arum expected. In truth, he had merely been trying to rile the knight again. He huffs out another breath, claws drumming on the table.

"Okay," Rilla says, drawing the word out into more syllables than it requires. "Okay. Uh, that seems settled enough for me, I think. This has been awkward enough for one morning. So, Arum, I, uh-"

She pauses, and Damien squeezes her hand, and Arum hears her breath come steadier, again. She sighs.

"So, I was thinking, we should leave either tomorrow or the day after." She pauses again. "Maybe the day after. You're standing better, and Damien's offered his horse, so- you'll ride, and we'll walk. It'll take longer, but even if we had three horses it probably wouldn't be safe for you to ride at speed anyway, you could jostle something open, or-" She bites her lip. "So. You on the horse, me and Damien walking, and- it'll be slow. What is it, two weeks to your swamp?"

"Something… something to that effect, yes. Though-" he clenches his teeth. "When we are close- we only need reach the border, I think, and we will not need to travel by foot any longer."

"The border. Okay. Okay, and, um, with the route we planned the other day, we should be…" her lips twitch into a smile. "We can do this. We can get you home, and then- ah… I've- I've made up a bunch of extra-"

Her voice- cracks a little, and some pain crosses her face. Arum blinks. He does not understand why she would be…

"For- um. For after I- for after we-" she pauses, inhaling sharply. "I made up a bunch of extra salves, and painkillers, and- and a replacement wrap, so your horn will- so your horn will keep together, and a new cast that should last until your wrist is healed and- so you won't have to worry… when I'm gone."

Arum stares at her, at the odd twisting of her almost-smile. "Ah."

I'm gonna miss him, is the only thing.

Amaryllis' voice on the recorder had been so keening and strange, and it had pulled on Arum's heart like his own yearning for the Keep and- and he could not help but believe her. She is … she is going to miss him. She will feel his absence. Such a terribly strange feeling-

And Arum had been honest, when he told her that he would miss her in return. Though, of course, Arum knows that had not been the whole of it. It is not the whole of it, but he will feel her absence, as well.

"Very…" he swallows. "Very forward thinking of you," he manages. "I… I had no fears, of course. And all I require is home, regardless. Seems a shame, I think, to make you waste an entire month ferrying me back and then needing to return. Certainly your other patients will be missing you, with your skill."

"Yeah, well, I may be the best doctor in the Citadel, but I'm not the only doctor in the Citadel. They'll manage." She smiles again, a little less certainly, and Damien squeezes her hand again.

"Do you feel ready enough for the trip, Lord Arum?" Damien asks.

Arum hates the way his own heart turns, slowly, like a key in a lock, every time Sir Damien calls him that. It is ridiculous. It is his name , it does not make sense , but- the way his tone curls around Lord, the way Arum seems to sit at the back of his mouth. Lord Arum. Respectful formality from a knight. It is … strange, that is all. It is still strange.

"I am… as ready as I shall be," he murmurs. "I cannot afford further delay. My swamp, my home, it… it has been…"

"Without its Lord," Damien finishes, gently.

"Yes. My swamp… and my Keep."

Rilla startles slightly, but Arum… Arum does not know why he has bothered to continue concealing the Keep's existence anyway, and Sir Damien has made it… abundantly clear, that his stance has changed. This stiff-spined little human has shifted his footing, has gained a new vantage, as incomprehensible as that seems.

Damien purses his lips, his face going questioning. "Have you… mentioned a Keep before?" He asks. "Or- no. I think- I think you have only nearly mentioned a Keep before."

"Perceptive," Arum grumbles, his tone hovering between irritated and impressed. "Yes. My home, my Keep." He pauses. "I have already explained it to Amaryllis, I do not- I do not feel-"

"You need not explain anything to me, Lord Arum. Home is…" he presses a hand over his heart. Arum hears his breath catch. "All creatures should be blessed with shelter, with home. It is…" he pauses again. "I am certain you will be glad to be returned to yours. We shall do all we can, to make that come to pass for you."

"Yes, well…" Arum glances aside, uncomfortable. "The sooner the better." He clasps his claws in front of himself, then glances towards Amaryllis. "The… the day after tomorrow, you said, Amaryllis. If you think I shall require the extra day."

Amaryllis nods, and Arum does not know what they will do in the interim. He had not been planning, truly, to make it this far. And now he has today, and tomorrow, to worry and wonder about this upcoming trip. To worry and wonder, about the softness of Sir Damien's hand on his chin. About the leaping of his own heart, at the gentleness with which the knight had lifted it. About the prospect of Amaryllis missing him. About all these strange and bitter hungers that have begun to curl within him.

Arum's eyes have found Amaryllis and Sir Damien's clasped hands again, tracking the way that Damien's thumb is brushing soft over the back of it, a slow, comforting rhythm, as Amaryllis' hand squeezes his. Arum's tongue flicks compulsively, and he buries the urge to-

He does not even know. He is not close enough to reach their hands, and what would he do even if he was? Even if he- if he reached out and wrapped his hand around both of their own (his hand is large enough to do so, his fingers longer than theirs, their stubby little mammal things with their blunt nails and their soft brown skin) (Arum knows the softness both of their hands, now), even if he were to do so-

Certainly they would not welcome his intrusion. Certainly not. They are both so eager to see him gone from their lives. And Arum is eager as well, of course, to return to his Keep, to return to his life. He is eager to close the door on this bizarre little chapter-

A lie. Too deep to stand.

He is not eager to close the door on this chapter. He is not ready. Two days. Two days- only two more days in this strange little hut, in this short-ceilinged human construction, full of herb smell and strange baubles and dangerous plants and skillful wordsmithing and a heretical, compassionate little doctor, and her knight.

Arum has never had a place outside of the Keep before, where he felt himself truly safe. Arum's mind is still… halved in a strange way, he still feels the absence of the Keep's thoughts at his edges, still feels where the Keep is meant to fit, where song should shift into… meaning, and affection, and shared memory, and home.

But if Arum could still feel the Keep here, he would be entirely unable to pretend, anymore, that he does not wish there was some way he could stay.

Arum intends to finish the translation, before they leave. It will not be difficult, all things considered. The tome is short, the material arranged in no particular order but with consistent notation for the entries, and he is familiar enough with a decent amount of the species listed that it speeds the process considerably. He needs not even attempt to scrawl the information out in his slightly more stilted attempt at human script, now that Amaryllis is in the room with him again. She simply sets her recorder beside him and he speaks as he works, occasionally drifting into conversation rather than translation, or narrowing his eyes at a particular peculiarity of the dialect, the drifting etymology of distance.

When he turns the page and sees the Moonlit Hermit, he freezes. After a moment, he drifts his claws down the page, tracing the single narrow line that depicts the flower's stem.

So small a thing, to cause so much trouble.

"The Moonlit Hermit," he murmurs, and Amaryllis drops a roll of bandages, the white ribboning off as it unrolls across her floor.

He raises an eyebrow as she scrambles to retrieve the roll, laughing awkwardly, and when she straightens she won't meet his eyes for a long moment.

"Amaryllis?"

"Just- forgot that one was in there too."

He tilts his head. "Why does it matter? What is the Hermit to you, then?" he asks, because if the Universe insists on piercing him through to make a point-

"My- my parents were researching it. It was a big part of their research, actually- the Hermit, what it could do- the potential it had-"

Arum frowns, automatically, remembering the particular results he had pulled from the potential of the Hermit in his possession.

"I've- I've been trying to… to find one," she says, her voice gone small, and Arum forces himself not to stare at her, at the longing on her face. He looks to the book, instead.

"I am afraid there is very little on the subject in this particular volume, Amaryllis," he says, gently, and she sighs.

"That… yeah, I kind of expected that. I couldn't read it, but- I could tell the entry was short. Shorter than most of the other ones, at least."

"It mentions the unnatural fragility of the stem," he murmurs, tracing his claw along the lettering. "Five pale petals, the glow of moonless night, the utter incongruity… hm," he traces the shape of the drawing on the paper again, remembering. "Volumes of this sort so rarely bother to note the sounds. It chimes, as well, at contact or in use. It is not the most beautiful song I have ever heard, but… it suits. Cool, and delicate."

He realizes, after a pause, that Amaryllis is staring at him. He pulls his eyes from the book, wary at her uncertain gaze.

"What?"

"You… you've heard it? You've- you've seen one. Arum- Arum, you've seen a Moonlit Hermit?" She sets her medical bag aside, her packing entirely forgotten. "Arum, please, you have to tell me where I can- how- I have to see it. I have to- to-"

His heart sinks, the hope in her voice too unfortunate to stand. "If it still existed, Amaryllis… I would certainly think it fair payment for the service you have provided me, but- it was destroyed." He pauses, sighs. "I destroyed it."

"You-" she looks too stunned to be properly furious, but Arum suspects that will come soon enough. " What?"

"Those who attacked me," he says softly, "desired to take it for themselves. To use it. Just as I had been using it, of course, to create weapons against your kind." He pauses, exhales. "I wish I could say, Amaryllis, that it had been a choice made of morality, but- I did not yet know you. I- there are many things I did not yet know, when I…" he traces the shape of the petals again, one, two, three, four, five, and his lip curls in an almost smile. "I ensured that our meeting occurred in daylight, as insurance. It was easy enough, when I realized I had been betrayed, to lift so fragile a thing into the light."

"Arum-"

"Spite. I destroyed the Hermit in spite, Amaryllis, because I knew they intended to kill me, and I did not want to give them the satisfaction of beating me, as well. Of taking what I rightfully found. I threw myself into the river for the sake of that same spite. I would rather drown than let them slit my throat, so…"

She is touching his shoulder, now. He does not look at her.

"I do not regret my actions. The Hermit could have… would have done some good, in your hands, of that I am certain, but… I am glad it was destroyed, rather than be misused again. Rather than being twisted to further bloodshed."

Her hand on his shoulder lifts, and she almost touches his face. Almost. He keeps his eyes safely away.

After a breath, she drops the hand, and turns, and returns to her packing. Arum feels his stomach twisting, regret and shame, fear, desire, all of it colliding together within him like a collapsing building, but still he does not look. He breathes and breathes until he is certain that his voice will not shake, and then he turns the page, and resumes his translation.

It feels as if Arum simply blinks, and two full days have passed. Sir Damien wakes before dawn, and Arum, his nerves sharp and heightened, wakes at his careful noise, at the click of the door behind him as he goes outside to run through his routine.

Amaryllis wakes not long after, throwing together a quick sort of breakfast and quietly going through a checklist of their supplies before she comes to, in theory, wake him.

She smiles, clearly unsurprised when she finds him already awake, already digging his claws into the sheets, and the smile stays as she helps him to his feet.

She wraps him in layers. A simple strategy, but simplicity is more reliable than the delicacy of complication, in Arum's experience. He keeps the cape on beneath the rest, and she smiles when she is done wrapping the rest around him. He can see the crooked shape of it through the sheer scarf covering his face.

And then, for the first time since he woke in Amaryllis’ hut, he steps outside.

Arum does not want to look back, to acknowledge the finality of walking away from this hut, of stepping up into the saddle and riding away from this shelter, riding back towards his true home.

He does not wish to look back.

Rather- he wishes that he did not want to.

He turns despite himself as Amaryllis adjusts the robes that hide his scales, ensuring that his tail is hidden as he curls it around his own ankle. He does not mean to, but he turns, and-

It looks so much smaller, from the outside. Squat and friendly and warm, with flowering vines curling familiar across trellises and a clean little herb garden and the mossy stump where Damien likes to sit and compose when he is finished with his exercises, and the curtained window Arum knows the shape of so terribly well, from the other side.

So many days. So very long, he has spent in such a small, strange space. And now-

He cannot imagine that he will ever see it again.

Arum is almost grateful for the ridiculous layers. At least neither of the humans can see the way his face twists, as his heart lurches with the grief of parting.

They travel light; there’s not much they need to take with them. Rilla keeps her medical bag, of course, in case of emergencies or in case the traveling impedes Arum’s recovery in some way, along with her bag of extra supplies she's gonna leave with him when they get him back home. Damien pretty much just has his armor, his bow, and his usual traveling supplies: bedroll, rations, canteen, et cetera. Arum has nothing to bring, obviously. Nothing except for his mended cape, which is wrapped secure around his shoulders beneath the rest of his mild disguise. Rilla covered him in strategic layers, scarves and shawls and large loose pants that collectively obscure his form and face as he sits sideways in the saddle of Damien’s horse, who only required minimal acclimating to adjust to the weight of a monster. Currently, Arum looks enough like an excessively ill person swaddled like an infant, or like a particularly old-fashioned noble, and hopefully they won’t need to do much by the way of explanation on the less-traveled roads they intend to use.

It’s slow going, of course. Anything more than the lightest movement could be a risk for Arum; jostling around on top of a horse isn’t exactly healthy for healing stab and slash wounds, obviously.

Every time they pass another group, Damien looks like he’s about to be sick, face twisting in a completely unconvincing smile and his voice going high and reedy if he tries to greet them. Rilla does most of the talking, for a change, and Arum sits tense and stiff and dignified astride the horse, and occasionally nods through his scarves at whomever happens to be passing by.

Nights are more difficult. They need to wander far from the road to set up camp, and they need to obscure the fire on one side to make it more difficult to see from where they came, to avoid other eyes, and they wait until it is safely dark every night before Arum can remove his layers of disguise and sigh in the open air again. He always keeps his cape safely draped around his shoulders after the rest has been left in a pile nearby, a claw curled along the edge of the fabric as he settles close and warm by the fire.

He’s tired , Rilla can tell. The travel on top of his recovery, and the constant strain of worry that comes from the threat of discovery- it’s no wonder, really. She wishes she could make this easier for him, wishes she could just snap her fingers and have him home to his Keep, but- this is the best she can do, for now. She’ll get him home, long way around or no.

"Sir Damien."

They are preparing to resume their travel in the morning, Damien packing the last of their supplies back up from their makeshift camp while Rilla tends to Damien's horse, and Arum is wrapped already in his layers as they wait for Rilla to return, to help Arum back into the saddle for the day. Damien glances down at the obscured monster, lips pursing nervously, but he does not think the monster is looking back at him. It is difficult to tell, with the layers, but Damien thinks that Arum is looking towards Rilla again.

"Yes, Lord Arum?"

He continues to stare for a moment, and then Arum glances away. His voice comes even quieter, then. "We are still close to your Citadel, little knight," he murmurs. "There is still time between us and my home, and many opportunities for this expedition to fall apart."

"Pessimism will not help the situation, Lord Arum," Damien says mildly.

"Perhaps not. But pragmatism-" he pauses, sighs. "If the worst is to happen, if I am discovered along this mad little journey… Amaryllis must not be seen as guilty for helping a monster. I refuse to have her suffer for this absurd kindness."

Damien pauses, his heart doing a swooping little flip, and he looks at Arum again in disbelief. "What-"

"If we are discovered, they must believe that I forced her to treat me, forced her to escort me home. They must believe that she was made to do it, that I threatened or coerced or- she must not be seen a traitor for my sake. Do you understand me, Sir Damien?"

Damien presses a hand over his heart, presses as hard as the thudding pressing out. He forces his breath to come steady enough for words, just for one sentence. "Rilla would not be happy, with that particular deception," he rasps, looking at his fiance through the rosy morning light.

"That," Arum says with a growl, "is precisely why I am asking you, and not the doctor herself. I trust that you will protect her. I know that you will."

Damien wishes so dearly that he could see the monster's face, just now. That he could see the look in his violet eyes.

"Honeysuckle," Arum says quietly, roughly. "Tell me that I am correct."

"This- this is not like the other day, is it? This is not more of the same, again, more of you trying to- to-"

"This is not an act of self destruction, honeysuckle." Arum stares up at him, or at least, Damien assumes that is the direction the monster is aiming his eyes. "But she must be safe."

Damien inhales, exhales, inhales.

"Rilla would never forgive me, if I caused you to be hurt in her stead. You must know that, Lord Arum."

The monster clenches his hands, his head ducking just slightly. "It is more important that she be alive, to forgive you or not." He turns his head a little further away, then, his voice going even quieter. "Of course she will forgive you, little fool. She loves you."

Damien's throat goes tight and hot and uncomfortable, his heart thrumming and thrumming, and the words boil within him but he cannot say-

Do you think I do not know that you love her as well? Can you not see that she loves you in return?

His lips part, he is going to say something too foolish for their unspoken understanding to survive, but-

Rilla is returning.

Arum's shoulders go stiff, and before she is in hearing distance he mutters, "I must trust that you will do what is right, Sir Damien."

Damien breathes slow, summoning tranquility as best he can, listening to the drumming of his own heart, and he knows that he will. He will do what is right, even if that is not the same as what Arum has asked of him.

Rilla is fairly bored on the road. She can't read effectively while walking, and they only have the one horse. She can only glean so much amusement out of cataloging the wildlife as they pass it by, but Damien knows her far too well to let her boredom sit. He starts reciting as they travel, spinning stories, sharing newer compositions, weaving tales in the air between them, accompanied by jungle noises and the hum of insects.

Rilla sings, as well, when Damien's poor voice needs a rest, and she pretends not to notice when she starts a song and Arum stiffens in recognition. Pretends even harder not to notice when he hums along, when he harmonizes in his low, careful voice. She pretends, poorly, not to grin in delight, the smile tipping her singing voice even brighter.

If she didn't feel like she was riding off to break her own stupid, stupid heart, this would be the most fun she's had on a trip in ages.

Unnatural quiet in the jungle dark, and Sir Damien comes awake with the fingers of one hand already gripped on his bow, a strange and familiar rushing in his ears.

He remembers where he is without strain. He can feel the dirt beneath him through the bedroll, can feel Rilla close beside him, can hear her breathing light.

He can hear little else besides. A stillness hangs in the night air, and Damien feels it. He feels attack waiting, can taste tension on the air. He can almost hear the source. Almost.

Damien breathes slow. Panic is a faraway thing, just now. A faraway thing that cannot possibly touch him. The rushing in his ears has gone slowly rhythmic, and Damien waits, Damien waits, Damien waits for the precise moment. For the strike. For his parry.

His heart. Rilla's breath. The rustle of leaf and soil. The padding, just low, of paws. Damien tenses, poised and prepared and waiting, waiting for just the right moment-

"If you take one… single… step… closer," says a low, guttural, growling voice, and Sir Damien realizes after a startled breath that he recognizes it. He recognizes the voice, because it belongs to Lord Arum, though it has been pitched dangerous as it echoes strange and placeless among the trees. "If you take just one more step… I will make a meal of your entrails while you still live."

There is a pause, a stillness deeper, even, than the one which came before it.

"Do not test me," Arum continues, dark and certain. "These creatures are not yours to hunt."

Another pause. Slowly, slowly, the sense of danger recedes. The night noises of the jungle resume in its absence, the whine of insects and the rustle of small creatures, and Damien knows they are safe again.

Damien has never heard Lord Arum sound quite like that, before. Dark. Dangerous. Protective. And Damien does not feel an ounce of fear, at that voice, though his heart is thudding hot.

Not yours to hunt.

Not yours, he said. Does that mean, then, that Arum considers them his?

Another long pause draws out in the darkness as Damien tries to shake the memory of Arum's voice, as he feels the gooseflesh shiver across his skin, and then there is a noise, shifting close by.

"You are awake, aren't you, honeysuckle?"

Arum's voice no longer sounds strange. It no longer echoes oddly, and the venom is gone from it, leaving the monster sounding only soft, murmuring through the black of night.

"Yes," Damien whispers.

"I did not intend to wake you," Arum hisses.

"You did not," Damien says, just as low. "I… I felt that something was wrong. I woke before you… scared the creature away. Will it return, do you think?"

"Certainly not," Arum drawls, gently. "We are close to my territory now, little songbird, and I know the sorts of scavengers that prowl my borders. I know a coward when I smell one," he hisses. "She expected an easy meal. That, we most certainly are not. She will not try again."

"How…" Damien needs to pause, to swallow. "How did you know I was awake?"

"Your breathing shifted… your heartbeat. I can hear them both from here."

It is difficult, for Damien, not to feel exposed, knowing that. He is certain that his heart is still beating hard. Harder, now.

"And… and did you slip into the trees, to frighten the creature away? I will be compelled to tell Rilla if you exerted yourself while she slept-"

"I did not budge an inch, honeysuckle. Don't be foolish."

Damien blinks, for all the good it does him. The bare hint of stars between the canopy above flickers, just for a moment. "But- but your voice, Arum," he murmurs, and when Arum chuckles low Damien can feel heat pooling odd in his stomach. "You sounded as if…"

"As if I could be anywhere," Arum murmurs , and his voice echoes again, placeless, but close and worrying. "Yes … I told you, honeysuckle, that I had some skill, some tricks up my sleeves…"

Even more worrying than Arum's voice itself: the way the low heat of it makes the answering heat in Damien's stomach pulse.

"A-Arum," Damien whispers, and he releases his grip on his bow, reaching into the dark instead, grasping in the direction that Arum's voice had seemed to come from, for those few words where he had sounded ordinary again. "Where… where are you?"

There is a brief pause, a more gentle laugh in the dark.

"I am close enough to pluck you, still, little honeysuckle," he says in a rumble that rolls down Damien's spine, and he cannot help the way his breath catches, his eyes darting in the darkness as he tries to pin Arum's place. "Have no fear." Another laugh, even warmer. "Unless… unless my proximity is what worries you, of course."

"Arum," Damien breathes, reaching his hand our further.

"I'm here," Arum hisses. "I forget the limitations of your senses. I can see you, blue as you are in the starlight. Can you truly not see me?"

"I…" Damien swallows roughly, feeling Rilla warm beside him, feeling the coolness of the dirt beneath him, knowing that this monster is somewhere, so close by, watching him through the dark. Damien shakes his head, testing.

"How interesting," Arum murmurs, and his voice is still bouncing strange, as if it could be coming from the whole of the jungle itself.

A pause drags out, then, and Damien grasps, feeling across the scattered leaves, towards where Arum's bedroll should be.

Arum's hand intercepts his own, and when the monster laughs soft again, he sounds only close, only ordinary again. "I told you, honeysuckle. I am here."

"Arum," Damien whispers, the texture of scales so strange against his palm, and Arum pulls his hand closer, touching it to- to his cheek, Damien imagines, and he can feel the rumbling of his throat and the rumbling of his voice as he speaks again.

"I did not budge an inch," he hisses again, and Damien can feel him speaking, even as his voice echoes in the canopy above.

Damien can barely focus on the fascination he feels at that, though, because the reality of Arum's face in his hand, again- the reality of the monster laying so close beside them in the dark- it is twisting so- so-

So pleasantly, within him. Damien's mouth has gone dry.

"Go back to sleep, honeysuckle," Arum murmurs, his voice gone quiet and normal again, and he squeezes Damien's hand as he moves it away from his face again. "Go back to sleep. We are safe, I assure you."

Damien believes him instantly. Damien believed him the first time, when he insisted the other monster would not return. He knows that they are safe, that the three of them together are more dangerous than anything the wilds could possibly assail them with.

"Are you certain?" he asks again, regardless, because his heart is racing and he knows that Arum can hear it, and certainly he requires this excuse for the pounding rhythm, and for the way he has not pulled his hand away from Arum's.

Arum has not pulled his hand away, either.

"We are safe," Arum repeats in a hiss. "I promise. Go back to sleep, Damien."

Damien squeezes his eyes shut, despite the dark, hoping that Arum is no longer looking at his face, that he cannot see Damien's expression in the dark.

Damien pretends that he has forgotten their hands, clasped together. He steadies his own breathing, pretends not to feel his own heat permeating Arum's hand, and-

And Arum does not pull his hand away, either.

Arum does not pull his hand away. Not before Damien falls back asleep in truth, at least.

The rumors are true, apparently.

They can see it in the distance when they round the crest of a hill, a gap in the canopy of trees above the road giving them a decent look towards the swamp in the distance that is apparently Arum’s home.

The swamp that is also, apparently, creeping outward.

They can see outcroppings of new-grown swamp greenery that stands out among the wider jungle, pushing past the usual border between the two, and even at this distance Rilla can see the speckling of purple from the blooms that give the swamp its name as well, and from this perspective the growth looks like curling fingers, reaching out.

Searching, Rilla thinks. A desperate hand, combing through the jungle to look for the missing ruler currently bundled up on the horse behind her. She glances back towards him, and even hidden behind the layers of cloth she can see the tension in his frame, can feel the impatient energy radiating from him.

“Almost there,” she says, and he tilts his head down towards her with a sharp breath. “Not much farther, now.”

He nods, and she sees him hesitate for only a moment before his eagerness gets the better of him.

“If one of those- those outgrowths is close enough, we should aim for it. We may be afforded a shortcut. Save further time,” he hisses quietly, and that’s pretty confusing but Rilla nods in response. He knows this place better than she does, after all.

Damien holds his own tongue for a moment before he points out one in particular, a vivid purple growth curling out, and quietly suggests a path they could take in that direction, a smaller road that should take them close.

Arum grows more and more agitated as they make their approach, and they all notice at the same moment that the outgrowths aren't the only strange thing about the swamp's border, nor are they the only new growth. She understands belatedly why the border was so easy to see from a distance-

There is a wall. The foliage on the edge is tightly packed, unnaturally so, the trees interwoven with newer saplings and quick vines, an enormous wicker boundary spotted with bright splotches of poisonous plants (Rilla can tell, even at this distance). Arum picks up a low growl, compulsive and continuous, and Rilla clenches her hands tight but she doesn't warn him against the noise. She doubts any other humans would be coming this close while the swamp is doing… whatever this is, and honestly, she can't blame him for the distress.

He's practically snarling to himself by the time they reach the border, his tail thrashing noticeably beneath his layers, and Rilla's stomach gives a sympathetic twist as Damien carefully, carefully helps Arum lower himself from the saddle.

"Okay," Rilla says. "Obviously this is… less than ideal."

"An understatement, Amaryllis. Look at- look at this! What- what could it possibly-" he gestures sharply towards the wall, then hisses in pain and draws the limb back to himself.

Damien makes a worried noise, an arm still supporting the monster as he fidgets, growling low, and then he eyes the wall with a considering look. "Hm. Perhaps I will close the borders entirely," Damien murmurs, and Rilla doesn't understand his words or his tone until he looks to Arum again. "I think you said that, when I asked what you intended to do when you returned home. It seems that others had similar thoughts, in your absence, Lord Arum."

Arum scoffs, then gently pushes himself from Damien's grip, standing straighter on his own, stiff and strained. "Foolishness. Ridiculous," he mutters as he starts to pull the layers off, unwinding scarves from his neck. "All this will do is draw undue attention-"

The sound of wings above compels Damien to draw his bow instantly, and his eyes dart to the foliage above more quickly than Rilla can follow, fixing on the source, the wide wingspan and gleaming threat of talons as they descend, and Damien's stance tightens, drawing the string more taut-

"Wait- stop-"

At Arum's choking cry Damien's poise falters, his aim going wide, the arrow finding purchase in the wicker wall instead of the quickly dropping- thing-

Arum tears the hood from his head, tears the last of the layers off beside his cape, his frill flaring and a grin curving his mouth, and he makes a strange warbling call, clear and loud and near to birdsong, and the wings above startle, fluttering sharp, and then there is an answering cry before the shape descends even faster.

"Arum-"

"Lord A-"

Arum nearly falls as the feathered shape collides with him, but he is laughing, now, as he makes more of those strange noises, and Rilla finally manages to parse exactly what the hell just happened, because there is an enormous heron shuffling from one taloned foot to the other on top of Arum's shoulders, shoving its beaked face into Arum's horns and squawking in a way that sounds both irritable and excited.

"Yes- foolish thing," Arum breaks into another laugh, and then into another strange warble as he lifts a hand to gently push the beaked face from pecking at the edge of his frill. "Obviously. Of course I did. Of course I did, you little- did you doubt? No-" he trills again, bright, and the heron ruffles up and makes a chuffing noise. "Of course I did," Arum says again, gentler, tapping the bird softly beneath the beak, and then he seems to remember Rilla and Damien, still watching.

Rilla's breathing hasn't entirely slowed from the shock, yet, but she's smiling now as she watches him, and Damien has come close beside her, stowing his bow again and pressing a hand over his mouth to bury his own smile, and Arum's frill ruffles by his neck at their observation.

"Er-"

"A friend?" Rilla asks, an eyebrow raising.

"One of my- my subjects, I suppose you could say," Arum murmurs, and he can't seem to help the smile as the bird presses its head into his horns again, trilling sternly. "Yes, I know. Hush." He gives the bird an equally stern look despite the laugh he gives, and then he lifts an arm for the creature to step to. "I know," he says quietly. "But you are frightening the horse, and I would rather not be kicked, little creature. I am nearly mended once, I would not like to suffer recovery a second time. Find your flock, spread the word if you must."

The bird squawks irritably, aiming its beak towards the humans for a moment before it turns back to Arum and flaps its wings at him.

"I said find your flock," he says in a low, fond growl. "Go on, you ridiculous thing. You need not worry for me. Go on."

The bird shifts from foot to foot on Arum's arm, chattering lightly, and then it pecks at the tip of Arum's snout and flaps before it lifts off, flying back up into the canopy again, singing something loud and joyous as it goes.

Arum sighs, his shoulders sagging as the weight of the creature is gone from him, but he clearly can't bury his smile. Damien takes Rilla's hand, and then they both come close to Arum, and Rilla lifts her other hand to touch the monster's elbow.

"Seemed excited to see you," she says, her tone only barely teasing, and his smile is so entirely warm, and Rilla and Damien's hands tighten together, each squeezing at the same moment.

"Yes, well," he makes a rattling noise low in his chest, still smiling. "I imagine they will all be quite ready for the swamp to return to normal."

"What do we do, then, about the wall?" Damien asks, gently, and Arum's smile flickers off.

He frowns, eyeing the woven greenery, and then he grumbles, "Bring me closer. It should still answer… it should still… still be able to hear."

Rilla doesn't exactly understand what that means, but- she figures he knows what to do in this situation better than she does, anyway, so she helps him. After a step or two Damien steps up on his other side, supporting him further.

"Thank you," Arum murmurs when they are close enough, and then he very gently pulls away from their hands. He lifts his own hand, and just barely touches the tangle of foliage, and then he swallows, chest rumbling. "Keep?"

Rilla barely manages to stop herself from reaching for him again. He sounds so- so desperate, and the urge to help him is-

"Keep. Can you hear me?" He pauses, and Rilla can see that he's trying not to cringe as he runs his hand along the vines. "Keep, I'm here, I- I need you to let me in."

Nothing changes, for a long moment. Beside her, Damien reaches a hand out, gripping Rilla's hand tight again, his nerves mirroring her own.

"Keep," he says again, keening clear in his voice. "Keep, please-"

Arum stumbles back as vines burst from the ground, new and accompanied by harmonious song, overtaking the wall and forming an archway that fills with magic, with- with a door, leading somewhere quite different from the swamp they could see past the wall.

Arum chokes a breath, warbles in further harmony with the song, and on shaking legs he bolts through the archway.

The Keep winds its vines around him so quickly that he is in the air before his feet even touch the floor of his home, before he has time to even breathe a syllable. It sings bright and clear and joyful, and it slots its mind soft against his again, precisely as their minds are meant to fit, in tune again so instantly that the vines don’t even come close to accidentally brushing any of the healing wounds that might still suffer from the pressure, and Arum can’t help the way he chokes, the way his throat goes tight and his eyes go hot, because-

He has missed his Keep so, so unbearably much.

He was never meant to be away for this long. His limbs are shaking with the relief of it even as he clings to its supportive vines, as he brushes his palms over the new bursts of flowers it is gleefully blooming around him. He’s so tightly enmeshed, so thoroughly cocooned, he wouldn’t have even noticed Amaryllis and Damien following through the portal if he could not feel the precise moment the Keep notices them.

The Keep notices them, and it is filled instantly with terror.

The humans are wound tight in vines nearly as quickly as Arum himself was, though these new vines are substantially less friendly as they pin Amaryllis and Damien against the wall with a discordant trill.

Arum feels the wash of terror pulse through with confusion, fury, protectiveness, and the vines around the humans continue to tighten. Arum’s heart skips, and he scrambles, reaching a hand through the bramble around him towards his- his- whatever, precisely, they are to him.

“Stop-” he snarls, the full force of his denial pushing out into his home, compelling the Keep to pause. The vines cease tightening, though they do not release. “Don’t hurt- don’t hurt them. They did not harm me, Keep, of that I can assure you,” he says in a breathless rush. “They did not harm me. They- they-”

The Keep stills, feeling his thoughts, and the grip it has upon the humans is already loosening. Arum needs not say more; the Keep understands him. It understands, and it loves him, and he needs not say a single word more.

He will say it anyway. It is true.

“They brought me back to you,” he says, his voice ragged and too full, and the both of them stare at him as they are lowered gently back to the floor. “They brought me home.”

[->]

#elle's fanfic #scattered on my shore #the penumbra podcast #second citadel #rad bouquet #lizard kissin' tuesday #lord arum #amaryllis of exile #sir damien #YELLIN AND YELLING I BEG U TO TELL ME FEEDBACK

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bxstiae · 5 years ago

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HOW I RUN MY BLOG

SPEED: fluctuates on my mood. I’m relatively fast? like usually same day reply fast. sometimes it takes me a few days. know that the long it stays in my drafts, the longer i will take on it. my all time record is about 3 years. while granted it doesn’t take that long, don’t be surprised about it. best case scenario, it takes me a couple of weeks, i dont like having things fester. i also sometimes forget too! you are more than welcome to remind me if it seems like i have but please don’t make it a habit. in regards to response time on pms/discord -- short turnover rate. I usually respond to it within the hour. usually within seconds/minutes actually. if i am awake that is. unless im offline and in my happy place, i tend to log out of discord to get away from people when im overwhelmed. blog wise, i dont have him on my app. so messages are only when im on my laptop or have time to check on chrome mobile.

REPLIES: i dont like drafting them. my dash is slow enough that i can scroll down to it. i will draft it though if i need to. length wise, im an avid writer. i write A LOT. they can get very lengthy at times. i write with a bit of prose -- that prose can get very HEAVY depending on my partners as well. i also format as well. i like heavier formatting without losing the quality of the writing. i dont like one-liners. you will see me with at least two paras or more. please know that i am dyslexic though when it comes to writing, and i have a bad habit of rereading my stuff after i post. so mistakes && errors are a thing for me. i try to catch it when i am rereading as im going through to format the posts. but sometimes things get missed. you are more than welcome to fix some if it is a bad spelling mistake ( better to ask first tho cause i spell with a brit keyboard -- and i specifically choose certain words to be spelt a specific way. )

STARTERS: when i post the starter call, any mutual ( && i really mean ANY of you ) can like it. this goes for if you follow me on multiple blogs. we interact already on one blog? by all means we can interact with one another on your other blog. but if you do, it gives me free reign to do whatever i want. look for my tags to see what i say too. they usually are a key factor in regards to my thought process. i try to get everybody done within reasonable time. dont worry i will never not make a mutual a starter if they like the call. i usually go for the first interaction/meeting with the muse though. if that doesn’t float your boat then you can message me about it. i normally don’t message people in regards to starters because A) im tired, B) i expect you to come to me.

INBOX: inbox is absolutely open to anybody! in fact, if i post a prompt, i ask that you send something in. even if we never interacted! im more versed into throwing the muse into a pre-established relationship. with the inbox, i will sometimes go to you because of that. i really do love to write, && the inbox is a perfect way to send something in without having any strings attached in regards to replies. like i said im an avid writer. i always want to write. sometimes people are slow and i get that. since im faster, i have no problem in doing inbox stuff for you to develop interaction ( aside from plotting ). best way to actually enjoy character interaction for me tbh. cause sometimes threading be hard okay?

SELECTIVITY: i am biased, i will say it now. i have preference over people i talk to ( who i consider my friends ), or people that i like. but that doesnt mean i will blatantly ignore you. people should know that if you talk to me, then the chances are i will give you more attention. sometimes i just click or vibe with people okay? in regards to following. i am on the heavy side of mutuals only and i prefer a slower dash. i give about a week for people to follow back, or ample enough time for them to follow. there will be some people that i will be fine if they arent mutuals though as i like their content. that being said, i try to be super fair to everybody. i give people an equal chance. if i follow you it means i want to interact with you ( there are super rare exceptions ). but go too long without interacting, then i will unfollow/softblock. im not a number for you. i have feelings. and, yes, i will, at random, unfollow those who either dont make me comfortable anymore, or i need time away from them. or im just not getting that vibe anymore.

WISHLIST: see here && here for some stuff i want. i love his pokemon verse i have. i also love his FE verse i have as well. i have a FE3H AU as well but i will naturally throw him into FEH or FE3H for that verse. i have plotted with a friend in regards to an echoes verse as well. honestly. i just want a lot of stuff for him. i want more wolf interactions. i kinda favour his beast forme anyway. but i also want interactions with the language differences. there is a language barrier with him! but i want those interactions cause he understands you! i have that hc somewhere dug in my blog. gotta find it. other interactions? i want a midna to interact with. link && the links AU?? also what does a man gotta do around here to get people to discuss plots.

HONEST NOTE: if you think im an elitist, then find your way out of the door -- youre probably right and i dont want you here. ive been here for a really long time && i know what i want. all jokes aside though, im tired of people being intimidated by me for different reasons. some people think its my aesthetic ( when really im not that bad ). others are intimidated by the sheer amount of writing i do? like okay?? kindly fuck off please. i write for stress relief. i write to have fun. my idea of fun is writing a lot. if you have a problem with that then sorry but i dont want you here. i have a passion for my muses and if you dont want to hear it, then i dont have time for your complaining. theres an unfollow button. i have a journalism degree so... yea. but really. im just really tired okay. im actually a very sweet person and i wear my heart on my sleeve. anybody who knows me well enough can tell you that. i hate being ignored tbh, so if i find energy && time to like talk to you, at least acknowledge me by saying thank you. btw im not really that much of an an elitist -- i just LOOK like i have a hard shell, but im actually super soft and squishy.

Tagged by: nobody I stole from @pristinette Tagging: you do you fam. just @ me as per usual cause pretend i tagged you.

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glacies-tempestatem · 4 years ago

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THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

MUN NAME: Hatshepsut/Hats AGE: 23 CONTACT: IM, Ask, Discord

CHARACTER(S): Rukia Kuchiki andKiaen Shiba

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR: I plan write in the future an ATLA and I have some others AU written.

MY LANGUAGE(S): Spanish (first language) English (fluent or I think so) and I leanrt a bit of Japanese and I’m currrently learning German

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?: YES / NO only by Mutuals?: YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK.

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?: YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. /DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY I

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: You can send me an IM if we’re mutual or an ask in case we’re not. Don’t be shy, I love plot and talk ooc! BTW if you have me in discord,is the best way toplot with me

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: I just expect they reply me sooner or later, and that we have fun writting!

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: Nothing, at times I lack of muse or inspiration, and sometimes will be that situation on my partner. I mean, it’s okay! It can become complicated if after a lot of time,my partner barely shows interest in plot.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?: I tend to tell my idea, if our characters haven’t interacted, I find it harder at times, but I think that it’s a perfect opportunity to develop cool ideas and approaches.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. - For me comunication is essential. And I don’t have any type of issue with dropping threads, it’s okay. Just tell me and in case you want to start something new, we do something new, simple.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: Lack of muse for the topic, but I rarely drop them.

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: I don’t have a crystal ball, so I need you tell me how do you feel about a thread,plot, topic,whatever. ALSO I do trully appreciate if you tell me if I did/said/written something that made you feel unconfortable. Again, I don’t know what I did wrong unless you tell me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: Yes, as long as the person is respectful,I’m more than fine. Respect is just fundamental.If you don’t likesomething about me/my portray whatever, you can tell it,but with respect.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: Because Rukia is my bae, and in Kaien’s case,I think that aremany things that are necessary to know, and weprobably never know because he died before the anime/manga began.And gosh I enjoy writting their backgrounds

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS: Rukia and Kaien childhood.

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: I’ll not write rape,non con and similars it’s understandably triggering for a lot of people and writing it glorifies it, Then, I’m not disposed to write either racism or misoginy stuff.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: Aslong at I can reply with freedom,I’m fine with your starter.It’s better if is a plotted idea, but random ones are okay.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?: Friendly ones, specially if I can write alot of their background.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: Depressive ones or just distant persons.

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: II want to think that I’m very comprehensive.

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I’m super slow, and I know that somepersons don’t have much time, so the rp process becomesslow for both.

DO YOU RP SMUT?: YES / NO/ DEPENDS.

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: For both, I think that write the sexuality and the sexual life of characters is part of their development.Although I understand that not everyone feels comfortable writing it, so it’s fine for me just talk about some aspect about their relationship.

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: Idk, I suppose that some certain type of fetishes

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?: YES / NO Ships are first of all,part of character development, and depending of the partner and the ship,can be incredible fruitful to muses. Both can evolve together, or can bring dispiar and traumasto both or one of them, and that change and influence the character and I’mmore than open to write her in both cases.

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. Ships are funny,won’t deny it. But isnt my focus.I’ve already had that time of my rp life, and sincerely I’m now more into just casual rping and develop my characters.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU: MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship — MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: How both change with the relationship, their failures and their strong sides. How they individualy grownw or do a recoil.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - DEPENDS I need you tellme a lot of your plan and idea.I prefer developalittle before ship them.But if you come with a good story, background etc I’M IN

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: Kaien is someone a bit stubborn, but that’s just his facade, inside he has some insecurities and some events from the past made himlike that,so I’d love amuse who tell him ‘man, you don’t need to be like that’.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?: Muses extremely selfish and which will trait my muses like trash towards their point of view.

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?: Gosh,Kaien hadmany goals he could had never achieve! I think he would be so proud to see Rukia as captain! Rukia has now as goalcontinue incresing her powers and keep the legacy of Kaien and Ukitake alive.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?: If is just someone that Rukia never met or talked, she is automativally interested in know better that person. But at times she is just rather shy.

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?: Loyality over all.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?: Tea,Chappy, fashion,perfumes, LivingWorld. In kaien’s case, fights,cars,movies

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: Noble’s probelms, for both muses

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?: Rukia? Traumas? LMAO she had killed his rolemodel, lived in poverty for many years and experienced countless issues relatedto it. The lack of thelove of parents and near death experience while was just a kid.

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?: Just only to hollows

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?: Rukia hates Gin, Aizen and Tousen, and she does not mind that Gin and Tousen redeemed themself. For her will always be traitors. Then there is Ywach and As Nodt. She simply cannot bare them.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: With something of Chappy

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: Not really.

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by: Soteln from @skyvar

Tagging: Everybody did at this point lol.Idk who tag

#dash games #gosh took melike forever #But I did it #ooc

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ilusionis · 4 years ago

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THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all have witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

Mun Name: vinn (or ila, for close friends) Age: 22 Contact: IM, discord

Character(s) I rp: aizen sosuke on here, askin nakk ke vaar (@ levaer) and lille barro (@ firstritter, sideblog) Which muse(s) inspires you the most atm?(for MM): all of them actually. Current Fandom(s): bleach. Fandom(s) you have an AU for: none. i’ve been debating about making a modern au but i wouldn’t be sure what to explore in it. within the context of bleach, though, i’m very interested in developing a bunch of AUs. My language(s): i’m only confident in writing in italian or english. Themes I’m interested in for rp: Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sport / Music / Science / Fights / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc. Themes/Genres you have an AU for: none.

Preferred Thread length: one-liner / 1 para / 2 para / 3+ / novella. Asks can be send by: Mutuals / Non-Mutuals / Personals / Anons. Can Asks be continued?: YES / NO only by Mutuals?: YES / NO. Preferred thread type: crack / casual nothing too deep / serious / deep as heck. Is realism / research important for you in certain themes?: YES / NO. Are you atm open for new plots?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. Do you handle your draft / ask - count well?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. How long do you usually take to reply?: 24h / 1 week / 2 weeks / 3+ / months / years. I’m okay with interacting: original characters / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / my fandom / crossovers / multi-muses / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / canon-divergent portrayals / au-versions (as main or only verse). Do you post more ic or occ?: IC / OOC. Are you selective with following others?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Best ways to approach you for rp/plotting: if you want to plot, it would be best to send me an IM and ask me, then we can definitely move to discord if you’d rather. it’s possible to approach me for rp without plotting first, best way would be to send me a meme when i reblog them or simply an ic ask, which i will answer, while memes might get lost. ic asks are good ice-breakers, we can continue plotting from there.

What expectations do you hold towards your plotting partner: i need my partners to be as interested in our plot as i am. it would be great if you already have an idea, but it’s still good if you don’t, i get that coming up with ideas can be hard sometimes; mostly, i require honesty. you can definitely tell me that you got no ideas and i will do my best to help, ask questions, try to spark something. i do require the feeling of having that commitment reciprocated.

When you notice the plotting is rather one-sided, what do you do?: i tend to straight up drop the conversation lmao. no hard feelings, but if i get the feeling you’re not interested, i will take my distance - i won’t waste my energy on a plot if my partner doesn’t share my enthusiasm. still, you can always approach me again, if you’re feeling up to it / have new ideas / whatever. nice thing of online convos is that they don’t have an expiration date lol.

How do you usually plot with others, do you give input or leave most work towards your partner?: i always ask if they got any ideas to begin with. if my partner already knows, more or less, what kind of dynamic they wanna build with my character(s), that makes it infinitely easier to build something meaningful. it’s still fine if they don’t, i will usually ask a lot of questions regarding their muse’s opinions / feelings / etc., and try to navigate from there. a question i usually ask is: is there any aspect of your muse you’d like to explore? i think that’s a pivotal point in any interaction.

When a partner drops the thread, do you wish to know?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if they feel like telling me, why not. but usually, i don’t warn when i drop a thread, so it’s not expected of my partners ever. - What should your partner do when dropping a thread?: nothing in particular tbh. they can tell me or approach me to start a new thread if they wish to, but it’s not required.

What could possibly lead you to drop a thread?: i might lose interest in a thread, especially if i feel like it’s going nowhere or if the inspiration for it simply doesn’t come. it’s never happened so far that i had to drop a thread because it was making me uncomfortable, but that could still be a reason for me to. in general, though, i would approach my partner in that case. - Will you tell your partner?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Is communication in the rpc important to you? YES / NO. - And why?: absolutely. i’d rather avoid awkward situations or misunderstandings of any kind; if something’s up, tell me. i also like to communicate with my writing partners (be it in the tags of our threads or in IMs), makes me feel like the enthusiasm is not one-sided and i find it generally pleasant. - Are you okay with absolute honesty, even if it may means hearing something negative about you and/or portrayal?: sure. we gotta stay polite, but honest. - Do you think you can handle such situation in a mature way? YES / NO.

Why do you rp again, is there a goal?: to have fun, to cultivate my writing skills and my english, and to explore my favorite characters.

Wishlist, be it plots or scenarios: i want to develop aizen’s wandenreich verse, because i’m deep in quincy hell and i think his dynamics with quincy muses could be super interesting. anything involving the intricacies of bleach politics is super interesting to me, be it with aizen or with my two quincy muses - who, btw, are also good to explore dynamics between quincies / their culture / relationships etc.

Themes I won’t ever rp / explore: i won’t write anything pertaining to sexual assault.

What Type of Starters do you prefer / dislike, can’t work with?: it’s gotten difficult to work with starters such as “you summoned me / do you need anything / did you call for me” etc. i used to receive that kind of starters all the time with aizen, and i can’t come up with something new every damn time. i also have a hard time working with starters / replies that already feel like a closed conversation and don’t give me anything to reply to.

What type of characters catch your interest the most?: i’m not sure i have a type. aizen is pretty much an exception, the only example of an already well-built character i write, since i tend to gravitate around minor ones that don’t have much material and that i can work on and expand without being affected by the fandom’s opinion or whatever. somehow i always tend to rp tall guys-

What type of characters catch your interest the least?: children and teenagers don’t interest me for the most part. characters who don’t have a shred of an opinion or can’t offer any interesting conflicts. overly friendly, mushy, affectionate and flowery characters are really not my cup of tea either.

What are your strong aspects as rp partner?: oh god i have no idea. i’m very laid-back, i guess. i’ll never pressure my partners for replies, i don’t think i’m owed a reply in the first place because we all have lives offline, so i’ll never take it to heart if a partner drops a thread. if i really feel like our roleplaying styles don’t mesh, it will be at my own discretion to do something about it. another strong aspect i have ....... i think i have a decent grasp on all my muses? especially aizen. of course ur free to disagree lol. also, lately i’ve been p active, so that’s it.

What are your weak aspects as rp partner?: i’m really slow. i might speed up for my closest friends, with whom i plot / rp regularly, but usually i take quite some time to reply to random unplotted threads. i probably have a thousand other flaws as a rper, but this is the biggest one that comes to my mind rn.

Do you rp smut?: YES / NO. Do you prefer to go into detail?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. Are you okay with black curtain?: YES / NO. - When do you rp smut? More out of fun or character development?: i don’t write detailed sex scenes. sorry lmao they’re just not interesting to me. however, i’m super-ok with writing anything around it, like intimate scenes etc. in fact i find it somewhat soothing. - Anything you would not want to rp there?: the nitty-gritty part is already a no, but i guess also sexual violence and shit like that. it’s a no.

Are ships important to you?: YES / NO. Would you say your blog is ship-focused?: YES / NO. Do you use read more?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Are you: Multi-Ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship — Multiverse / Singleverse. - What do you love to explore the most in your ships?: all my ships are with snow 8′) and ur never bored with her. in general, i love being able to explore the muses’ relationships, their conflicts and their peaceful moments, especially in relation to canon events! - What is your smut tag?: nsfw / ........ my n*sfw posts are rare anyway.

Are you okay with pre-established relationships?: YES / NO. - And what kind of ones?: to an extent, i prefer pre-est relationships to first meetings - which they can get a bit dull after some time. i’m ok with mostly anything, and only more selective when it comes to relationships that might severely alter my muse’s canon / past / overall character.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- What could possibly make your Muse interesting towards others, why should they rp with this particular character of yours now, what possible plots do they offer?: not to stroke my own feathers but aizen offers a perfect chance at character development to any and all bleach characters. he’s the main villain, he holds some wild opinions, and whether you agree or disagree with him, he leaves no one indifferent. aizen is the main cornerstone of bleach, and if you want your muse to questions themselves and the system / world around them, interacting with him is the best way to start. also, aizen interacted with a fuckton of people, knows practically everything there is to know, is responsible for significant amount of canon events, so you see ... whatever character you write, aizen has the full potential to be extremely relevant in the course of their development.

- With what type of Muses do you usually struggle to rp with?: children, ordinary low-ranked shinigami (i find it hard when it’s out of the blue, even in aizen’s captain and lieutenant verses ... because interactions would likely be only work-related, and won’t go far), characters whose personalities really have nothing to do with aizen. unfortunately, he’s not my easiest muse, and i don’t want to force interactions with him. - With what type of Muses do they usually work well with?: characters who have opinions, some political involvement, in general characters with whom aizen had a dynamic in canon.

- What interests your Muse(s) in general: reading, calligraphy, philosophy (especially in-world philosophy), science (again, mostly related to the specificity of the bleach universe), the very careful crafting of his plan- - What do they desire, is their goal?: kill the soul king and take its place, destroy the institutions of soul society, subdue them. and then rule, as the soul king never did before. - What catches their interest first when meeting someone new?: the idiosyncracies in their behavior, the particularities, their possible weaknesses. - What do they value in a person?: very little, usually. he may appreciate a resolute personality, strength, and intelligence. - What themes do they like talking about?: speaking mostly of mundane talks, he likes conversing about his interests. it takes a lot for him to share any personal information, though. - Which themes bore them?: anything about the greater good, friendship, love, very human topics.

- Did they ever went through something traumatic?: seeing the soul king, in all things like a ghost stalking his dreams, and well ... spending his early life in rukongai as a whole. being forced to consume other souls in order to survive. the first times his reiatsu killed anyone who tried to get near him. - What could possibly trigger them?: it’s rare that he will outwardly show signs of distress, i’d say almost impossible. the few times the soul king still appears in his mind, greatly upsets him though. - What could set them off, enrage them?: the soul king gets him particularly heated. urahara, as we witnessed. after his defeat, ichigo, to an extent. - What could lead to an instant kill?: kubo was a coward who didn’t dare let him kill any relevant character, but actually aizen kills very liberally.

- Is there someone /-thing they hate?: the soul king, urahara. he has a strong disdain for yamamoto, and that joke of C46. - Is there someone /-thing they love?: himself. tousen

Is your Muse easy to approach?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: he’s only really easy to approach for bleach characters, who, depending on who they are, have different eligible verses to further facilitate the interaction. humans / powerless bleach characters can’t really interact with him tho. - Where are they usually to find?: soul society or hueco mundo. i have a verse set in the wandenreich.

Something you may still want to point out about your muse?: aizen is not a particularly easy muse, but it’s part of his overall mosaic to be somewhat unapproachable and distant. i’m not out to make him someone he is not, so forgive me in advance if plotting with me turns out to be difficult in a way or another. he’s very dear to me, and i try my best to do him justice! while my main headcanons may not affect our interactions specifically, i still ask my partners to look them up (they’re linked in my about page) because they’re essential to my portrayal and it makes me happy to have them acknowledged. i think that’s all lmao. come visit me over at my quincy boys too.

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by: @skyvar I DID IT AT LAST. Tagging: i don’t know who has been tagged so, you know what to do.

#ooc.#whew #this took forever

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ofruins · 5 years ago

Photo

CREDITS

my icon border was commissioned from venuscommissions ! ( UPDATE: AS OF JANUARY 2020, THE ICON BORDER I’M USING COMES FROM ARTEMISPSDS BECAUSE MY REGULAR COMPUTER IS IN THE SHOP, AND, THEREFORE, I DON’T HAVE MY NORMAL RESOURCES. )

unless otherwise stated, the psds i use come from either venuscommissons or plutocommissons; the answered ask / headcanon / meta banner i use comes from interstellarresource; the template i use for my mobile header and page headers comes from bleuberrymilk; the template for my permanent starter call / character headers is part of template pack four by daria-morgendorffers; the credit for the blog theme i’m using is in the bottom right hand corner of the blog; and, finally, i will always credit the maker of my promo templates on the posts.

FOLLOWING

i’m a highly selective follower. i like my dash to be clean and uncluttered, so if i don’t follow you back right away or at all, please don’t take any offense. i also do not follow back personal / non - rp blogs. if i do follow you, however, whether i follow you first or you follow me first, it’s because i want to write with you !

SHIPPPING

i’m the world’s biggest multishipper. i ship almost everything. whether it’s canon, or crossover, or canon x oc, you can bet that i ship it. however, while i’m willing to try out almost any ship with anyone, there has to be chemistry to keep me interested. and not just chemistry between the characters, but chemistry between us, as writers, as well. it’s hard to ship with someone who your writing doesn’t flow with.

INTERACTING

i am mutuals only when it comes to roleplaying, but anyone is welcome to send me a meme. if i don’t follow you back, but you still would like to interact with me, then send me memes ! if we develop a relationship between our characters through ask prompts, then the chance of me following you back goes way up. and, sometimes, i haven’t followed back because i’m a little spacey and didn’t even notice you started following me, so sending in a meme is a great way to give me a little nudge. also, i’m willing to write one - liners to novella and anything in between. the more you give me to work with, the longer my replies will get. as far as formatting goes, i write < small >< sub > with some bolding and italic here and there, nothing too special. if you have a hard time seeing the < small >< sub > text, please let me know and i’ll change to whatever you’re most comfortable with !

p.s. if you’re wondering whether or not it’s okay to write a pre established relationship between our characters, the answer is yes. as long as we’re mutuals. i tend to prefer pre established relationships because it gets the awkwardness of first meetings out of the way. and we can always go back and write how our characters met at any time once we’ve developed their relationship more.

MEMES

speaking of memes, i love them ! send them all ! if i don’t answer right away, though, don’t worry. i like to hoard memes like a dragon hoards gold. i promise that i will get to your meme as soon as the inspiration strikes. this goes for replies as well, but i don’t force myself to write something if the muse just isn’t there. i’ll just tuck it in my drafts for later and respond to it when i do have the muse for it. if you’re wondering if i got a certain meme, feel free to ask. also, if you’d like to turn a meme into a thread, please go ahead ! i find it’s the easiest and most stress free way to start interacting, so i love it when you do this.

i don't practice reblog karma and i don't mind you reblogging memes from me. so, you have my permission to reblog as many memes as you'd like from my blog. however, it would be nice to be sent one or two if you're going to reblog a lot because then it makes me feel like all i'm good for is a meme source. just be considerate is all i ask !

NSFW & TRIGGERS

i am almost twenty five years old, nsfw will appear on this blog. this includes: smut, death, gore, and any manner of disturbing scenes. i have exactly one trigger ( needles — please tag them or i’ll have to unfollow ! ) so i’m up for writing almost anything. i used to be shy and bashful when it came to writing smut, but now i’m kind of like /shrugs ! so, if you want to send in a smutty meme, go ahead*. just as long as we’re mutuals, i’m up for writing smutty scenes with you. but i also double and triple check your rules to see how comfortable you are when it comes to smut, and then i take that into consideration before i respond to a nsfw meme because i want you to be happy and comfortable. also, when it comes to triggers, i tag anything i can think of with “__ tw” but if there’s something i haven’t tagged properly, or something you would like me to start tagging, please let me know so i can do so.

*it's important to know that m/m smut if off limits for me. i'm just not comfortable writing it yet, so while i will write m/m ships of all sorts, smut isn't going to happen for them.

PLOTTING

i’ll be straight forward and honest, i prefer free styling things to plotting them out, but this doesn’t mean i won’t plot. every now and then, i’ll reblog plotting calls, but you don’t have to wait for one of those to plot with me ! if you have an idea for a plot, or would like to brainstorm a plot with me, come at me. but keep my shyness / anxiety in mind. i'll tell you about my anxiety surrounding ims in a bit.

OFF LIMITS

this should go without saying, but don't godmode. i don't have any "banned" faceclaims, but i'm less likely to take your character seriously if your fc is a musician or someone from youtube / a reality show. i know i shouldn't, but i, like all people, can be shallow and judgy at times. but, overall, there isn't much i won't write or allow except for mpreg. it seriously creeps me out. if you want our m/m ship to start a family, i'd probably love that ! but they'll do it through a surrogate or adoption or a magical baby appearing on their doorstep.

OUT OF CHARACTER

hi, my name is jordan. i identify as female and use she / her pronouns.

it’s important to note that i suffer from extreme shyness, as well as a handful of mental illnesses ( bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety ) so it can be hard for me to interact with people ooc. plotting, for example, can be a real challenge for me. ims terrify me; they make my anxiety jump through the roof. sometimes, i can be im'ing with a person and be absolutely fine, and then for no apparent reason, my anxiety takes hold and i can’t bring myself to open the ims. this can last for a few days at a time. please, don’t think i’m ignoring you if i haven’t responding to your im in a day or two. it’s not you, i promise !

if you need to reach me right away for any reason, please go through the ask box. the reason it’s easier for me to respond through the ask over ims is because i can see a preview of what you’ve said in the ask on my dashboard, whereas i have no idea what you’ve said through the ims. i know, it sounds dumb and ridiculous, but that’s just how my brain works.

now, thank you for reading all of this and i’d love to be friends !

#updated.#i revamped my guidelines so i thought i'd post them

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yujinrk · 5 years ago

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plot call / yujin

hey everyone! i realized i really needed to plot more for yujin soooo this is a plot call! there’ll be more info under the cut but please like this post if you’re interested in plotting or threading with her! this includes both new faces and old ones if you wanna start up a new thread based off previous plotting, or just start anew!

i’m available through tumblr ims but prefer discord if you use it! i’m fine with either though.

( p.s. i realize i’m the one who’s ghosted a lot of people during plotting and that’s 100% been my fault :( i’m really sorry for that but i’m trying to do better now like a year later so…bls )

a trc trainee so more trainee plots please!

especially stuff deeper than first meetings now that she’s been in trc for 4 months now

is ready for her next big challenge and lowkey want it to be a relationship one so…. eyes emoji

but also she’s the friendliest and most outgoing of the 3 so we’re up for just about anything!

would love some slightly more serious relationships for her since she’s pretty whimsical

beyond just like friends! and stuff though she’d love more friends regardless

also looking for more pre-establisheds but with her i can do first meetings easier

stuff like: childhood friends (seoul), school friends (sopa), crushes (either way, 01liners and below), friends in general, ride or dies, gaming buddies (she isn’t very good), arcade regulars, runners (like the sport), etc.

#( ooc ; )#( me making 3 separate posts to make it easier... )#( sry for the spammy )

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inkblxtrefxrmed · 5 years ago

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– B A S I C S –

NICK - NAME: Silver or Lottle

ALIAS(ES)/HANDLE(S): My main blog now is @inkblxtrefxrmed, but I do have another. I’m not just going to give it out unless IM. I am slightly embarrassed about it

ARE YOU OVER 18? yes / no

IS YOUR MUSE? yes & no ??? [in age yes, but in actual maturity, no]

WHEN WAS YOUR BLOG ESTABLISHED? [I’ve had this blog for almost 2 years now, but I’ve been around for longer than that.]

– W R I T I N G –

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU WRITE WITH ON THIS BLOG? No (anyone) / Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people) / Private (mutuals only)

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU FOLLOW ON THIS BLOG? No (anyone) / Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people) /Private (mutuals only)

IF YOUR MUSE IS CANON, HOW MUCH DO YOU ADHERE TO CANON? Not at all / A little (Headcanons) / Some / Mostly / Strictly \ [I stick to the first and second game, but most of it is my own interpretation. Considering there wasn’t much use for him after the games.]

WHAT POST LENGTHS DO YOU WRITE? One Liners / Single-Para / Multi-Para /Novella (I don’t really like doing one-liners, but only in certain situations. I’m also not huge into novella type posts, but I’m willing to do them periodically in certain situations, AND... always if I want to explain something, with a read more attached.)

DO YOU USE ICONS AND/OR GIFS? No / Gifs / Icons / Yes

DO YOU WRITE ON OTHER PLATFORMS? No / Yes [Discord]

WHAT LEVEL OF PLOTS DO YOU WRITE? Unplotted / Open-Ended Plots (set up a meeting and see what happens) / Semi-Plotted (one or two steps ahead) / Fully Plotted Epics [willing to do all of these, but I personally prefer either unplotted or semi-plotted threads]

HOW QUICKLY DO YOU USUALLY RESPOND TO THREADS? Very Slow (more than a month) / Slow (3-4 weeks) / Average (1-2 weeks) / Fast (less than one week) / Very Fast (less than three days) / It depends [I tend to be fairly quick with my responses, but I also like to give time for my partners to decide what they want to write themselves. It also comes down to me working ON shifts and only being able to respond. Maybe 1-2 times a day within a window, or during my shift. Though most of my partners are asleep. Which can make RP’s/Threads pretty hard to do.]

WHAT TYPES OF THEMES DO YOU LIKE? (feel free to add!) Fluff / Angst / Smut / Violence / Tragedy / Domestic / Family / Conversational / Humour [I don’t do humor very well]

WHAT GENRES DO YOU LIKE? (feel free to add!) High Fantasy / Supernatural / Science Fiction / Historical / Horror / Comedy / Romantic / Drama / Action / Adventure / Espionage [I honestly am willing to do a lot of different themes. All of which have their own unique timing and environment. Tho, most of my stuff is pretty tame.]

ARE THERE ANY THEMES YOU’RE UNCOMFORTABLE WRITING ON YOUR BLOG? (not triggers) No / Yes / Sometimes [As much as my muse is an adult, or at least physically. I don’t do smutty stuff, as it’s just not material I’m fully into.]

DO YOU HAVE ANY TRIGGERS? HOW DO YOU REQUEST IT TAGGED?

Luckily, no, but I keep in mind if there’s anything my partners are triggered by, and minimize it with them.

– S H I P P I N G –

WHAT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? Romantic / Platonic / Familial [I’ve done all three]

WHAT TYPES OF PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? Romantic / Platonic / Familial [who says you can’t do it all]

DO YOU HAVE OTPS? No / Chemistry Only / Yes

DO YOU HAVE NOTPS? No / Yes

[I’m fairly particular with what type of relationship I’m willing to have with muses. I prefer to establish what they are to each other before making any adjustments/starting a thread with someone. Sometimes the relationships develop within the threads, which are also fine. However, I don’t take kindly to being pushed into a relationship I don’t think is ready or one that has already gone one way. Unless the other mun has spoken to me about it prior, or it was agreed to have a different AU/timeline for that specific relationship.]

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATION? Heterosexual / Heteroflexible / Bisexual / Pansexual / Homoflexible / Homosexual / Demisexual / Sapiosexual / Asexual

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S ROMANTIC ORIENTATION? Heteroromantic / Heteroflexible / Biromantic / Homoflexible / Homoromantic / Panromantic / Demiromantic / Sapioromantic / Aromantic

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WRITING SMUT? No / Very, Very Selectively / Yes

HOW EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP DO YOU SHIP ROMANTICALLY? Autoship / During plotting / After a couple IC interactions / Several IC interactions /Slow burn / Never [This is my viewpoint on this, and my personal opinion. If both muses are be romantically involved, by both muns agreeing, it should be something that takes time. It should also have a slightly realistic edge to it. Where there could be fallout, there could be success, but it has to feel real to me. Also, it can’t be rushed. If they really were to fall in love, it would take time for that fire to burn.]

ARE YOU OPEN TO TOXIC SHIPS? No / Selectively / Yes [I always ask if I’m taking too far on these ships. Make sure I’m not pushing the line or if I can, or cannot do something. I always tell other’s to tell me if I’ve gone too far. It helps me to know the boundaries.]

ARE YOU OPEN TO PROBLEMATIC SHIPS? (incest, canon history, age difference, complicated, etc.) No / Selectively / Yes

ARE YOU OPEN TO POLYSHIPPING? No / Selectively / Yes

ARE YOU AN EXCLUSIVE SHIPPER? Never / Sometimes / Yes [If I do this, It’s going to be a separate timeline. I like ot keep things clean and neat. It helps me.]

DOES CRACK SHIPPING EVER HAPPEN? No / Sometimes / Yes

Tagged from: @littlexbluexflame

Tagging: @gxthic--days @spittercastequeen @spittercastequeen @sewn-cutie @indomitablespirits @adventurouswind and anyone else who wants to do this.

#{[ Dash Games ]}#[warning: long post]#{[ Please do not force yourself/include yourself in these activities. If you find yourself uncomfortable. ]}

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mumuho · 6 years ago

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I need you to kiss me - Kai (pt.2)

Supernatural AU! In which you accidentally establish a link between you and Kai, causing him to become dependent on your kisses for survival.

Fluuuuuuuff

Parts:

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |

Your first conversation with Kai had been bizarre, to say the least. It had occured not long after you had put on that bracelet. Your intial thought had been to return it to him, but doing so would’ve meant revealing the gift had been from you. After all, how else would you explain the fact that you knew the bracelet belonged to him?

While mulling over whether to return the bracelet or not, you had casually decided to wear it. What’s the harm? you thought. As long as I’m careful I’ll be fine. And that had been your mistake.

Kai had felt it, suddenly, during the lecture. Burning. Getting contracted wasn’t a painless process and he had abruptly left the leture hall to find a vacant bathroom. When he had locked himself in the bathroom and unbuttoned his shirt, his suspicions had been confirmed. The mark had already begun to form.

----

I am so screwed. Kai put his hands to his face, leaning back against the bathroom wall and sighed loudly. He sent a text to his friend.

“The mark just appeared.”

The reply came almost immediately. Sehun wasn’t paying attention in class. “You’re kidding, the bracelet?”

“YES,” Kai angrily typed his reply, then shoved his phone into his pocket and buttoned up. The pain became more intense by the minute but it didn’t stop him from looking for the person on the other side of the link.

----

“It’s been well-kept.” You regarded the bracelet on your wrist. Seven years with barely any signs of ageing, impressive. You spun around with your arm raised to get a look at the bracelet in different lighting. From a distance Kai made his way over to you, although you were too pre-occupied to notice.

It wasn’t until he was a few steps away that you noticed his presence and you instinctively covered up the bracelet with your other hand.

He looked at you and then at your hands.

You decided in that very moment to come clean. “I’m sorry, I know this is yours, I just wanted to try it for a brief moment. Not for some creepy reason, it’s just that... I gave you this.” Your voice faltered at the end. “I’ll give it back to you right now.” You tried to loosen up the bracelet and maybe it was due to your shaky hands but it wouldn’t budge. “Just give me a second.”

“That’s... not gonna come off.”

You wondered why he sounded apologetic when you were the one who had decided to wear something of his without asking for permission.

The conversation you had had afterwards was bizarre. He started talking about contracts, gifts, kisses, magic and for a moment during his explanation you actually thought he was describing the plot of a movie. The more you listened to him, the more it dawned on you that Kai, the ballerino, was very different from what you had imagined.

Kai was able to tell from your expression that your opinion of him was rapidly going from talented dancer to someone with a very wild imagination.

He sighed and put his hand over his eyes when your only response was an uncertain “Yes.” Kai realized there was no way to convince you without proof and stood there silently as he watched you struggle with the bracelet.

��Let’s cut it,” he finally suggested.

“No, let me try a bit longer.”

“Look, you don’t believe what I just said, right?”

You didn’t reply.

“This is just normal leather material, it should be easy to cut with scissors. It’s okay if it breaks,” he said knowing full well it wasn’t possible.

Even after several tries the bracelet remained undamaged. The scissors didn’t even leave a mark. And you simply stared at the bracelet with a dumbfounded look on your face.

Later at home you would once again try to cut up the bracelet with every pair of scissors in the house but without any success. Even with the use of pliers your attempt had been fruitless.

----

The day after, you had avoided Kai at school, which wasn’t difficult seeing as how the two of you only had one class together.

Kai hadn’t tried to approach you either. Sehun had been the one to suggest he keep a distance to let you process the whole situation. But by the second day Kai came to school wearing sunglasses looking slightly out of it.

And then during lunch Sehun convinced his friend to speak to you. Which fortunately had given good results. And that was how you ended up kissing a guy with whom you had spoken with for a total of 20 minutes.

----

His lips are soft.

The adrenaline courses through you and you become hyper-aware of everything happening around you. When your lips meet, Kai exhales deeply as he almost immediately can feel the pain lessening. But before he’s had time to fully restore himself you pull away and his lips are left hanging.

Despite the heat in your face you stay in close proximity to Kai, looking straight into his eyes which makes him want to take a step back but all he can do is press his back harder against the wall.

"It looks better, right?”

The blackness in his eyes has noticeable dimished, you can’t argue that. Although you still make a mental note to research if there exists some type of advanced lens technology that can change your eye color in real time. But for now, you concede.

“Yeah,” you finally say and Kai lets out the breath he unknowingly had been holding.

Lunch break is almost over and you don’t think your heart can stand the proximity for much longer so you take a step back, intending to return to your friends but Kai grabs you by the wrist.

“Wait, --ah!” More hesitation. “I hate to ask you for more favors, but I’ll be depending on you in the future as well, so... well...” His gaze progressively lowers until he’s staring at the ground. “Could you do it... for a bit longer?” he murmurs. “Just so it all goes away.” It being the blackness in his eyes.

There are times when you can feel your cheeks heat up and then there are times when a guy you’re not that close with asks you to kiss him, not once but twice and verbally asks you to do it for longer, that makes you feel like your whole face is about to combust into flames.

----

Kai and you stand in two separate bathrooms. One person splashing their face with cold water and the other with their hands covering their face, both equally embarrassed.

Your friends give you expectant looks when you return to the table telling you to spill the beans. They can’t help but notice your slightly flushed face and the droplets of water lingering in your hair.

“So, mind telling us what that was about?” one of your friend teases.

“He-. Uh, he wanted to-. We. Kissed.”

All of your friends widen their eyes at your truthful confession.

“What?”

“Kissed? As in,” your friend gestures to his lips. “with your lips?”

“What else would they kiss with? Are you telling me, he came over here to interrupt you during lunch just because he needed you to go all over there,” your friend points to the distant, “and kiss?”

“Well. It’s complicated,” you say and then suddenly realize that Kai never explicitly said anything about keeping it a secret. But you don’t really think it would be wise repeat his monologue about contracts, kisses and magic. “I don’t think I can go into detail about why.”

“Fine, just go into detail about how instead.”

Parts:

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |

#kai #kai scenarios #jongin scenarios #kai fanfic #jongin fanfic #fluff #multi #exo scenarios #au:fantasy #jongin #exo

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shirlleycoyle · 4 years ago

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The Tamagotchi Cemetery

This article was originally published on Burials and Beyond. You can subscribe to the Burials and Beyond Patreon here.

“I thought it would be better for him here because I didn’t really want to reset him because it would be like a different thing and I was really close to him. I know that sounds stupid, but I was. But you can bury your pets and if you love something else, you can bury them as well.”

So said young mourner Danielle Perren in 1997.

Interring her pet into the beautiful farmland of Pontsmill, Cornwall, Danielle’s beloved friend was placed into a tiny wooden coffin and buried in a small square grave, there to rest in peace. Danielle’s grief was very real, but her pet? Not so much. That was a Tamagotchi.

In 1996, Japanese toy designers Aki Maita and Yokoi Akihiro debuted the first ever Tamagotchi. The tiny plastic case held the world’s first virtual pet, which, despite being a simple arrangement of pixels, required constant care and attention, lest the creature perish. Released by Bandai, the egg-shaped toy was one of the biggest fads of the 90s, maintaining a surprising popularity over the decades, with over 82 million units sold as of 2017.

The name itself is a portmanteau of two Japanese words; ‘tamago’, meaning ‘egg’ and ‘uotchi’, meaning watch. Considering the product is an egg shaped toy, the size of a watch…it seems to be pretty solid marketing.

Image: Mathieu Polak/Sygma/ Sygma via Getty Images

Those of us who were at school in the 90s will vividly recall a classroom of incessant bleeps and cries of ‘I’ve gotta feed ‘im’, before the eggs were promptly and unsurprisingly banned from schoolyards. From this grew a strange, rarely remembered, sideline in individuals who would take your Tamagotchi into daycare, feeding and washing them (via tiny button clicks) until you could return from school or work. As bizarre as it sounds, after recently discovering a pair of 25-year old Tamagotchi survivors, I believe nothing to be impossible.

The Tamagotchi interface is incredibly simple, with most utilising three buttons, which correspond to care functions of the creature. The pet, should it live that long, is designed to go through a basic life cycle of Baby, Child, Teenager and Adult (with later versions adding a hopeful Senior option). However, the majority of Tamagotchis had brief, fleeting lives before succumbing to death through a child’s negligence.

While many parents bought their offspring Tamagotchis as toys, others thought that a child taking responsibility for a digital creature would be an ideal pre-pet investment, to see if they were mature enough to understand the needs of another living thing. While this is an ideal moralistic exercise, what occurred in reality was a pocket of brief generational trauma where young children woke up to find that, after sleeping though muted midi cries of hunger at 3am, their new toy had perished overnight. You killed your first pet.

Image: Mathieu Polak/Sygma/ Sygma via Getty Images

This culpability for death is one of the strangest qualities in toy history; even the death of shoals of Sea Monkeys failed to elicit such a primal reaction of grief and blame from the very young. In the new world of portable digital pets, they were expected to entertain, but not truly die. This element of blame, guilt and finality was truly amped up in the early Japanese models where a ghost and headstone would meet the neglectful owner. In more recent English-language variants, this cemetery scene was substituted for an angel of death, or a cheery little UFO, popping in to take the Tamagotchi back to its home planet. Once you’ve inadvertently murdered your new pal, the game can be reset and you’re trusted with a strange egg baby once more.

The Tamagotchi in its many forms has never shied away from death, addressing the finality of existence in its cheery little game, but also in its genuinely bizarre cartoon.

In the ninth episode of the original tie-in anime, titled ‘The First Death’, several little creatures gather and weep inconsolably at the bedside of a dying Tamagotchi (Ginjirotchi),after a small yellow doctor with mouse ears (Mametchi) confirms death. Quickly, the soul of the deceased is surrounded by tiny little angels, who guide it to the pearly gates and Tamagotchi heaven, which is mainly pink clouds and sweets. Suddenly, the sweets disappear in a cruel trap and the Tamagotchi is tormented by little bat creatures with forks (Deviltchi), before being rescued once more and taken back into hyper-cute heaven where everyone sits down and has pudding together. The whole affair lasts a matter of minutes and is as brilliant as it is disconcerting.

I never owned a Tamagotchi in my 90s heyday, as my mother couldn’t afford the indulgence. Instead, I had a knock-off variant, a Giga Pet called ‘Compu Kitty’ from Woolworths, with which I was utterly chuffed. (I still have it to this day, unable to part with the luminous yellow crap plastic atrocity.)

I vividly remember crying when I woke up for school one morning and the pixelated cat had breathed its last. But one reset later, those tears dried, and after another six hours came another death. After that, the circle of life seemed rather less majestic and a more predictable cycle of button pushing and bleeps.

In 1996, a pet cemetery in Pontsmill, Cornwall was the first to diversify their interments and fence off a dedicated section for the burial of electronic pets. When CNN reported in 1997, they equated this very modern mourning with the established love that British people have of their traditional, breathing pets.

On January 17th 1997, two teenage girls were in Cornwall to bury their Tamagotchis, named Sid and Arty, two consoles never to be reset.

My first thought was very outdated parental shock, as Tamagotchi’s weren’t terribly cheap when they came out and to bury a brand new toy seems awfully wasteful. Taking another expensive trip to Argos wouldn’t have gone down too well in my household.

However, 14-year-old Danielle was strong in her resolve and placed the little plastic contraption into the earth. She was not alone in her beliefs either, as cemetery owner Terry Squires revealed that many international burials had been carried out in his Cornish field. Tamagotchis from as far afield as Switzerland, Germany, France, Canada and America had all been laid to rest in his pet cemetery, with many more on the way.

However, looking at Pontsmill today, there are no mentions to be found of deceased cyberpets, with the business promoting itself solely as a pet cemetery and green burial site for traditional human interments. I would be curious to know if the rudimentary headstones remain, or if the Tamagotchis and their mournful batteries were turned over or forgotten as many other crazes came and went.

For those who wanted to memorialise their Tamagotchis, but didn’t fancy burying the case in the garden, there were several online cemeteries and memorial sites for dead digital pets, where eulogies, ages and causes of death could be recorded in one enormous late 90s census.

Today, there are a handful of online Tamagotchi cemeteries still functioning, if long-abandoned. However, records of their digital death and memorials remain in sites such as Tama Talk’s Memorial page. These old GeoCities or Angelfire websites are framed in pixelated gifs and solemn MIDI music where you must adjust your eyes to decipher the spidery text against questionable repeated wallpaper. In these simple databases, names and brief epitaphs are recorded; some sincere, some dismissive and some simply odd:

Banjo – Cause of Death: Died taking the biggest crap you’ve ever seen.

Joe the Dinosaur – Cause of Death: Accidental Resetting.

‘My poor Joe. The first born. He had a good life and was taken care of very well It was unfortunate that his life had to come to such an abrupt end, whilst living in a jeans pocket. We shall all miss him very dearly.’

These eulogies and epitaphs are time capsules of young people’s first interactions with death and loss, where an essay can prove as impactful as an unplanned tumble into a bathtub. There’s a certain importance of a digital emotional connection in childhood that deserves to remain memorialised, and not lost to the ether.

The levels of emotional investment that we have with digital media, and computers in particular, has been tracked by researchers since the 1980s. Alan Turing said in his 1950 paper ‘Can Machines Think?’ that we can judge the intelligence of a computer by its performance in conversation with man. Namely, if the computer is able to convince the human subject that they are talking to a fellow human and not a machine, then human-equivalent intelligence can be determined. This test became known as the ‘Turing Test’ and is still studied and implemented today in experiments of navigating artificial technology, or the ability of ‘bots’ to mimic human interaction.

In the intervening decades, it has been noted that people attribute an increased level of personhood to a computer, not least in terms of pre-programmed gameplay. Therefore, if a Tamagotchi was able to incite very real joy and grief from its user or owner, it could be seen as the first great wave of artificial intelligence in the western world.

In more extreme contemporary circumstances, man’s relationship with digital games has snowballed. While in terms of toys, other digital pets like the Furby, Poo-Chi (which I did own briefly, but was swiftly broken by my portly, recently-divorced father screaming into its microphone on Christmas day. I’m over it. It’s fine.) or even NeoPets virtual pet community have not brought about the same primal love and devotion as the humble Tamagotchi. Perhaps it was the inevitability of death that separated our love for the Tama from its immortal digital counterparts.

However, interactions with digital gameplay appear to have moved in two separate directions; ambivalence and devotion.

Today, electronic games and pets are commonplace, providing no new emotional experiences for children who have grown up within the digital age, where entertainment can be accessed at the click of a button and nothing is finite.

On the other hand, there are instances of individuals such as a 27-year old Japanese man named Sal 9000 (the only name he would provide to the press), who was so emotionally invested in the DS Game ‘Love Plus’, decided to marry the main avatar in a lavish, if highly controversial ceremony in 2009. When questioned as to whether he could truly love a digital, pre-programmed woman, he explained that “I love this character, not a machine.” Going on to say that “I understand 100 percent that this is a game. I understand very well that I cannot marry her physically or legally.”

However, his preference for the digital, predictable and placid provoked far more discussion. Explaining that Nene Anegasakiwas better than a ‘real’ girlfriend, he listed her perks, stating that, “She doesn’t get angry if I’m late in replying to her. Well, she gets angry, but she forgives me quickly.”[1]

Sal is not alone in his preference and several others have followed in his stead, marrying digital characters in ceremonies across the world. In 2018, Japan hit the headlines again as 35-year-old school administrator Akihiko Kondo married the hologram of video game character, Hatsune Miku. Whether these marriages will last when the bride’s updates are discontinued is another matter, but our changing relationship with life, love, and death in the digital age is undeniable.

On which note, I’ll thank you for taking this strange journey with me and take my leave. My Compu Kitty needs feeding.

The Tamagotchi Cemetery syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

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survivornavarino · 7 years ago

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Episode #4: He’s Dead To Me In This Game -Heather

I want to cry. LITERALLY ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS KNOW THE VOTE. THAT IS IT. I WOULD HAVE VOTED ANYWAY. I miss Tim. but this new tribe thing is happening so hopefully I can get with the other side. BUT IM STILL HERE SO TIME TO FIGHT.

I'm sad that there's a tribe swap I really like the favorites tribe we all worked really well together. However I'm wondering if this swap will assist in taking out big threats on our team

that went as planned im glad especially with swap going on so now let’s hope I’m on tribe that wins

Wow I can't believe I am queen of getting exiled. Im shitting. I'm upset because I can't build any relationships, but also glad because I was a bottom voter. WELL IM IN F16 SO THATS GOOD. and I have time to recover from the flu sooo. Fun

-before tim got voted out- Okay, I want to vote Tim out. Vi told Heather Tyler was throwing her name out there so I don't want the possibility of an idol being played. Tim made an alliance chat with Tyler/Heather, he threw Tyler under the bus to me and then switched it to Trixie. He's playing messy. Also, he's apparently friends with Rebecka and idk how she stands with me, a tribe swap is coming so I need to think about that. It should be me/Tyler/Shoib/Tee/Trixie voting out Tim. ________________________________________________________________ So we just swapped tribes and I am pretty happy with who I'm with. My Zwooper thots Tyler and Shoib were the two from my tribe to come with me and I trusted them the most. As for the fans I'm now meeting, Drew and me are friends and he told me he'd cut bitches to save me so that's good. Eddie and I started talking a few weeks ago bc we're from Boston so we have connections, and I know Autumn from Crossroads. I've never talked to Mitch or Jacob before. I hope that Autumn is okay with me and doesn't distrust me from Crossroads. If we lose again I just hope that I'm in the clear, but I really want to win a challenge for once. ________________________________________________________________ Me getting removed from the challenge:

me 10 seconds later:

AHHHHHH WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!?! I wanna cry. I’m just super busy this weekend and swap plus tim being voted out. I hope this party ends soon so I can actually help

not sure about tribe the people i know I like are all on the other tribe so im a little bummed but we’ll see how it goes Rebecka seems really nice and so is Ben but i really would like to win a challenge for once ________________________________________________________________ i envy heather right now being in exile safe for a week with no stress omg

Hey not much has been happening and I don't even remember if I made a confessional last round, but we swapped so now stuff is actually happening. As soon as Autumn was added to Admirador, Shoib made an alliance chat with the three of us since we're all acquainted with Ashvika and Duncan and want to do them proud. I'm glad to be in it, cause I'd love to rob Drew of merge just because it would probably be the smartest move, i dunno. Eddie exists in some plane of reality and there's another favorite who I can't remember OH IT'S JACOB sldkslfjn. He also exists. According to Shoib, Tyler is the one who moved to vote out Tim, which is something I can respect. He wanted to take out a threat before he could meet up with the favs and turn on them. smart moving, tyler. I'll keep an eye on you.

I have missed way too much today. Couldn't get on at all today because of work, so I didn't find out until around 10 that we swapped. I still have Drew and Autumn, so hopefully I can work something out if we lose. Wish me luck.

I typed an entire thing in my name section instead of the "What's the haps?" Section and now I'm just sad, lazy and tired

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xhO1nWKSrmQ&feature=youtu.be I'll also throw in the skincare routine I made for my tribe: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=doqWHEPSzaM ________________________________________________________________ First the egg task, then the cheese task. This is rigged against vegans and I will not stand for it!

Tbh I hope whichever side Tyler is on win so I don't have to see him. He is dead to me in this game.

https://youtu.be/SPKNd_nr-MA I'm sitting at my computer all day tryna win this challenge but eddies got either super speed powers or a very high speed internet connection and either one is fine do long as the FBI agent inside my computer does his job to help me win (we're gonna lose and I'm gonna be voted out for being annoying just watch)

https://youtu.be/vhhp9PxGgVA ________________________________________________________________ https://youtu.be/BTpHrHkMY0w

*late submission*

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QT3rFB93OnI

Rebecka https://youtu.be/rDOcb19KaHc I just want to congratulate Eddie on his wifi speed

https://youtu.be/SmQAAQOhLB0

im legit crying right now i just don’t seem to catch a break why can’t we just win one time please idk what’s going to happen tribal time but we’ll see if we can do the smart thing and get out inactive so we don’t lose again i tried so hard to get points and managed a few but they were so fast i mean seriously what are they using some super speed internet and extra fingers

A tribe swap? AKA WHAT RUINED ME IN ALL STARS?? HERE WE GO JUST DROP ME AN OXYGEN MASK WHEN YOU GET THE CHANCE THANKS

________________________________________________________________

The admins tried it and put me on this all-male tribe..... OF FRIENDS AND COMP BEASTS THAT KEEP WINNING SO BLOOP!! Himalayas is shaking All Stars could never

Am I gonna miss Julia, Rebecka, and my fallen son Tim? Absolutely. Will I make the most out of this situation? Oh you already know. First of all, I'm on my Parvati Shallow grind and so far so good- Shoib created an alliance w/ me and Mitch to honor Duncan and Ashvika; Eddie is completely counting on me now that Julia is gone and Preciado is split; and Jake and I kinda sorta had a pre-made Final 2 oops. Also Drew loves me SO we out here. I hope to tighten things up with Jacob and Tyler but we'll see. Second of all, the last time I was on a tribe of all men, I was the last one standing. Me doing the Lord's work and getting men sent out one by one? Yep sounds about right

https://media.giphy.com/media/ObTkhX1gpCHpC/giphy.gif

Third of all, and the most important thing is, Navarino is going great. I'm not a threat yet, I haven't had to be cracked so I'm slipping right on by, AND my social game is solid. Rebecka and Madison described me best in Himalayas when they said I stack everything like a house of cards. I'm doing a lot more socially this time around, but the fact remains: I know what I'm doing. I know when to be smart and when to play dumb, when to lead and when to sit back. We all know I can create targets and blindsides anytime any day but why rush things? It's pre-merge. Less is more so the motto is que sera sera. Jacob wants to be inactive? Cool go right ahead. Tyler wants to leave me on read? No problem. I want them to keep digging their graves so I can be the one to dump the dirt in. My allies want to prove they're comp kings? Perfect. That makes them perfect for my army. Lord knows I could use a fleet of massive targets that'll get picked off before me. Autumn and the Seven Shields is gonna be good I can feel it

I am loving this tribe swap! We have a really strong tribe and I have gotten to know a few more people quite well - namely Eddie and Drew. My only reservation is that Drew KNOWS I am from Zwooper and that I know Shoib and Jake. I have told all the others that I don't play these Survivor games online. From my conversation with him he told me he adores Jake and would prefer to align with us. We will see how that shakes out. Hopefully we can just continue winning.

Oh man oh man. Here we go again. Tribal! Hopefully the new tribe doesn’t slowly pick us swap players off but hey at least we get heather. I believe we’re going with Matt as the vote bc he’s slightly inactive but who knows. This could turn out like last tribal and some how a completely different person gets voted out. Hopefully rebecka will save me for a bit until I establish myself again. I’m not sure how I feel about trixie being on the same tribe but I think we’re banding together. No hard feelings I hope. >.>

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jFkq4NXbKF0

Okay so we swapped tribes and

I'M SITTING SO FUCKING PRETTY RIGHT NOW!!! I swapped with Jacob and Eddie, who were arguably the two people on the old Faves tribe who would most want to keep me, Autumn who is a good target and also is against Jacob's inactivity, Mitchy my fellow puzzle bro comp beast, and ALL FUCKING THREE ZWOOPER BOYS, THAT VIRTUALLY NO ONE KNOWS THEY KNOW EACH OTHER, AND NONE KNOW THAT I KNOW THEM!!! Like not REALLY, especially Tyler, who was so UTR zwooper that he wasn't even added to an initial Zwooper Boys alliance or whatever. This is a tribe I truly think I could ride to merge, if this tribe goes to merge. Mitchy and I are strong enough to crush almost any comp that could come our way, enough people want to work with me, I see no issues. I love that this is happening in the Admirador camp. It's so goddamn bougie hipster of us. Five elitist favorites who have never struggled a day in their lives, save three poor boys from the slums, down on their luck, and take over their neighborhood, leaving our old home to rot. The gentrification of it all is so real, the almond-milk-only coffee shop is being built on Thursday. Hopefully we can keep polishing up this turd of a campsite until it shines and all the white people wanna move here. I feel bad for Tee, Vi, and Trixie because all three tried in the challenge, but the Faves over there would be absolute idiots if they didn't send one of them home. Considering Heather is joining them tonight after tribal, I can't see how letting themselves become 4-4 is a good idea. But that's gonna be on them, I guess, there are enough people over there that I like but can't see myself working with so bye??? Imma just stay happy.

my question for tribal says it all pretty much which i can post after this but i am realizing that if you aren’t part of the in crowd then you are left out just like school and I’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime so if this is my end so be it since too many people seem to know each other if i leave i hope Tyler decimates them i hate the fake people here and want the other tribe which actually talked to me and didn’t flat lie to my face ________________________________________________________________ personally activity should be take into account since we want to ensure victory so those that help need to be around somits smart to get dead weight out but i know many of these games are about social game and keeping friends in even if they don’t help exactly known as a floater or a goat since they help with votes and i personally find that unfair but as in life those that deserve to stay end up getting screwed over and those that don’t deserve to stay get to stay but i find that karma always has a way of coming back to work it’s magic

It's hard getting information from someone you're about to lie too but that's survivor I guess. I'm trying to make it seem like I'm just tagging along trying to survive.

I am soo happy to finally win a challenge! drew already said that he’d be fine with flipping and voting autumn out if we lose so hmmmm i’ll keep that in mind. anyways i went on call with eddie for like and hour and just talked we’ve bonded over stuff before but have never played together so i think no one would expect us to be allies. he says he was happy to swap tribes bc he didn’t know where he stood with the faves. so with eddie and drew i see cracks in the faves which is good for me :)))

Drew and I had a conversation this morning making me feel very good about him wanting to work with. So you can expect my paranoia about whether he’s just playing me or not to subside for about a day and a half but it’ll definitely be back by monday night latest. Cause we love having a character flaw of needing constant affirmation from somebody in order for my paranoia about them to subside ANYWAY, basically Drew and I were talking this morning and we began speaking about the tribe swap and he let me know that he was ecstatic with how it ended up. The key point in this conversation that made me happy was the fact that he almost instantly said he almost kinda wants to flip on the faves since they didn’t make us feel comfortable at all on the last tribe, and he also let me know that he thinks blindsiding Autumn with the fans might be a good move to make in order to split up her and Ben since he believes that her and Ben are tight.And before y’all get shook, NO I do not have any intention of blindsiding Autumn and I have every intention of making sure my queen makes merge. So that’s OFF the table, But Drew doesn’t know that. I spoke to Autumn last night and asked her about her general feelings on the people who were on our tribe prior to this game. She basically said that she really like Drew and Julia, Julia makes sense because of Crossroads and I also know she was being hella social on our pre-swap tribe and Drew also makes sense cause as soon as Drew said publicly that him mo and autumn should make a chat to talk about Drag race, I knew that would be a talking point that will bond autumn and drew together. But then again if Autumn feels like she has to say that just because she might feel like I’m close to drew then it might not be true. But idk how much people are actually worried about drew and i working together cause nobody seemed to care about the crossroads cess pool that our pre swap tribe was. I’m planning to go on a call with little miss drew and tell him that Autumn said she really likes him and that she feels that they’ve bonded over drag race in order to get drew to see autumn more as a number than as a threat. Once Drew see’s somebody as a possible number to advance him in the game, he doesn’t care who you are he doesn’t want you gone, so hopefully I can throw him off of Autumn for a bit because I’m planning on trying to lowkey get something going between Autumn, Drew, and I so that we can be the ones who dictate what goes on, on this tribe. Autumn has a connection to Jake from crossroads, and Drew has a connection to Jake from Zwooper, I have a connection with jake that unless he has mentioned to anybody they wouldnt know, but jake and i actually began talking regularly before cross roads ended because he said he was a charli xcx stan in a vl which so am i so naturally i ran to his pms REAL fast. The reason were making sure miss Autumn gets to merge is because she is going to be a key factor in me playing both sides once the merge comes!! IF she really is close with ben like drew thinks, and has connections to the cross roads people and she feels that i am somebody who 100% has her back i will be clued in on anything that they might be doing behind my back. Rebecca also messaged me when the swap was announced saying that we both need to make merge so that we can kill this game together. The problem with people is they go to merge and then they asked the question of “oh no what am I going to do.” With me, every single thing I do pre-merge is so that when I do make that merge, I am in the prime position to make a long run in this game and have connections from both sides. I would like Drew in the merge to be my meat shield. Although I don’t know if people will actually try to target him because Drew is Drew and for some reason he always does really well in games. If Drew can shield me for the first few rounds while I do my scheming and plotting and set myself up in a good position that will be perfect. The only problem is that Drew KNOWS that’s my game and I think he won’t be blind to it. This is music to my ears!! Autumn is already perceiving Drew as a threat. I love a meat shield!!! [2/18/18, 2:14:26 PM] Eddie Bracco (Mongolia host): [2/18/18, 2:12:38 PM] Autumn Hill: Like out of all the Preciado people getting swapped onto Admirador I’m glad he’s here cause he’s both strategic and good at challenges [2/18/18, 2:13:24 PM] Autumn Hill: will probably be a problem at merge haha but for now yeah he’s a big help Literally the only reason that I could be reading this situation wrong is if Autumn and Drew are somehow actually really close and planning everything they say to me to see if they can trust me

I am happy with tribe swap I feel like I am in a good spot and I like Drew and feel like he has my back.

I've been a busy busy flop. My social game has been pretty much nonexistent, and I haven't been doing well at the challenges that require a big time commitment. I'm lucky as FUCK that the favs have numbers in the swap, I was super paranoid that Ben and Mo might flip but we gucci. I'm in a sort of three person alliance with Julia and Rebecka, but Julia is my ride or die right now. I wanna make some MOVES now that I'm not as busy!!

#TurnUpTheHeat #confessionals

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lefthanded-sans · 8 years ago

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Why I'll Always Scream About Mordin’s Character Arc

With the approach of Mass Effect: Andromeda, I have recently replayed the Shepard saga, and feel the need anew to scream about how much I enjoy this trilogy. One thing that has always excited me is Mordin Solus’ plot arc, culminating in his ME3 death scenes. I want to thank @peachdoxie for convincing me to garner the courage to analyze this five years after Mass Effect 3’s release. It feels wonderful to dive in with discourse about what I find an incredible, emotional, and well-constructed narrative.

Mordin’s character - and his character arc - are based largely upon his internal conflict between logic and compassion. It’s the difference between what he thinks he believes is right versus what he feels within his conscience. He has a set moral framework and strong sense of logic by which he abides, but that conduct doesn’t erase the uneasy feelings stewing inside. What is so powerful about Mordin’s plot arc is that he does a complete one-eighty, undoing his own greatest scientific achievement, in his process to find inner peace. His prior scientific work creating the modified genophage leaves him haunted with moral questions; his choice to cure the genophage brings him closure for his past. Through this, he finally finds a cause he can dive into where both his rationality and his compassionate conscience work as one.

The conflict between his head and heart is finally resolved, and he can die taking action – for the first time – with full, unfettered conviction.

Mordin’s Introduction and Character Set-Up

Lots of ways to help people. Sometimes heal patients. Sometimes execute dangerous people. Either way helps. – Mordin Solus, ME2

When Mordin is first introduced, he demonstrates an interesting duality: he is both a man of healing and a man of killing. His reputation precedes him, and Shepard hears stories about him before they meet. These stories are full of this paradox. On one side, he’s a doctor who heals people gratis in plague-infested slums and offers refuge to all sapient species. On the other side, Aria comments, “He's as likely to heal you as he is to shoot you,” and several Omega locals remark upon how Mordin calmly guns down both a gang of vorcha and a squad of Blue Suns mercs… and leaves the corpses as a warning in front of his *hospital*.

But Mordin makes clear from the start that he does not believe this paradox is paradoxical. Everything he chooses to do, he does with utmost reason and ethical consideration. He cares deeply about organic rights while simultaneously acknowledging that sometimes, to help others, dangerous people need to be eliminated. He is both a doctor and a military operative; he will do what it takes, whether it’s save innocents or murder wrongdoers. Straying from this course of action Mordin considers “naïve.” He pins the word both on Daniel when the young man says doctors should only help people, and on Shepard if she says curing the genophage will lead to only good things.

There is an initial strong confidence that Mordin holds about himself regarding his genophage work. He insists it was the best solution to everyone – krogan included – and tells Shepard, “No apologies. Did what was right. Hope you do the same when necessary.” Mordin knows he researched all possible outcomes thoroughly with his team about how to handle the krogans, and thus is able to state with unyielding conviction, “Genophage modification protected galaxy.” He even can argue this solution is merciful to krogans, too. The genophage simply establishing their birthrates to pre-industrial levels and allows the species a chance to survive.

This footage of Patrick Weekes talking about Mordin’s character hits at that very point:

So for me Mordin is two different characters. The first character is the one I was given when I came onto Mass Effect 2. And I was told he is the scientist who redid the genophage, and my initial reaction was… unrecordable… but translated roughly as, “That jerk,” because Wrex was my bro. So I had a choice. In manager speak, I had a probletunity, where I can either write Mordin as just a guy who did that and just went, “Yup, sterilized ’im,” and you know, maybe the really Renegade players would like that, but everyone else would go, “I’m never using him, he’s atrocious, he’s a war criminal, how could you do that” …or I could challenge myself more and try to write someone who saw himself as good. Some who saw himself as the guy who made the hard choice, who doesn’t take the easy way out, who doesn’t cartoonishly justify anything he did, but gets up every day, looks in the mirror, and says, “It was the right thing to do, even if I am sorry I had to do it.” So that’s what I tried to bring to him. And then the other part of it is the Gilbert and Sullivan.

It’s astonishing to see a character stand so strongly for his work… when that work is what others might consider to be an illegal bioweapon, a war crime, or even species-wide infanticide that leaves at least millions of newborns dead. And yet Mordin truly does hold that he did the “right thing.”

Sort of.

And that’s where his character conflict arises and his narrative truly begins.

Mordin’s Moral Framework

What does it matter if the ground is stained with the blood of millions? You taught me that the end justified the means. – Maelon Heplorn, ME2

One passive observation I’ve noted in fiction is that writers tend to downplay or criticize consquentialist frameworks. Completely “pure” and “good” contemporary Western culture heroes are usually more deontological in their ethical scope. I feel even Mass Effect relays internal moral vibes suggesting it’s better to avoid consequentialist choices. Thus, one thing I’ve found fascinating and attractive about Mordin is that he is someone who demonstrates a utilitarian framework.

To provide a definition: consequentialism is the ethical philosophy that the end justifies the means. Anything is morally permissible or praiseworthy if you work toward a positive end result. Utilitarianism, now, is a common type of consequentialism. Utilitarianism holds that a person should morally maximize the good while minimizing the bad and painful.

Mordin acts under the idea the end justify the means. Maelon himself says that his mentor espoused this philosophy. These ideologies are manifested throughout the games with Mordin’s words and actions. It goes beyond his choice to create the genophage. Mordin recommends dangerous people be killed if they are going to be a risk to others, be it aggressive batarians in Omega’s Gozu district or Rana Thonoptis on Korlus. He’s even fine killing Maelon. It’s pretty utilitarian: pain is minimized by culling the dangerous people who would harm others. He’s said other things that make me cock me head to one side in consideration, too; if he follows Shepard aboard the Collector vessel, he’ll call the pile of dead bodies “despicable,” but at the same time say, “This was wrong. Inhumane. Even if Collectors needed to kill for experiments, could have ended lives painlessly.” By his phraseology, it’s almost as though he’s not discarding the possibility death might be needed for some experimental cases, but what he finds objectionable is that they caused unnecessary pain while doing so.

That said, Mordin does have some “cut-off points” by which he believes something is wrong on principle. This would potentially make him fall into the category of rules-based utilitarianism, which holds that there are certain moral rules that exist because they overarchingly cause greater utility (less suffering and greater good). Mordin refuses to do experiments on species capable of calculus, for instance, drawing the line on the ground there, and also says he will never kill with medicine. He justifies the genophage in part by claiming it prevents birth rather than kills, so that still falls within his realm of moral reason.

And it is to note Mordin approaches life’s challenges through careful rationality. His choices are not based upon impulse, intuition, or instinct so much as conditioned rules, rationality, and principle. To quote this article, which I think provides an intriguing synopsis of his character:

[…] his upbeat demeanor hides a cold, calculating mind that has spent years dealing with the most difficult decisions in the solar system - decisions that Shepard is drawn into over the course of the second and third games. […] As you bond with him, he opens, and you see him dissect the terrible problems he's faced with an analytical mindset. He has done the moral mathematics - he will kill a million to save ten million - but his genophage is a slow, painful deathblow for the Krogan.

This philosophical framework usually characterizes how Mordin speaks up front to individuals. It is how he gives his official stories, justifications, and reasonings behind his choices.

But here’s the thing: even though he holds fairly strong by this philosophy, he’s not emotionally settled on all his logical points. As Shepard comes to know Mordin more, she can see within him how he is distressed by what he has done. Mordin mostly - but not completely - believes he is doing the right thing. There is a “battle between logic and compassion that lies at the heart of his character.”

Mordin’s Conscience

We all fracture in different ways. Mordin’s conscience haunted him. Maelon crossed the line into barbaric experiments. And myself, I went searching for whatever gods created the rules for this unfortunate universe. – Padok Wiks, ME3

At first, Mordin might seem like someone settled with the choices he made, grounded in what he has done. But the more Shepard comes to know Mordin, the more she sees the holes. Beneath the logic Mordin advocates is an individual unsettled with his scientific accomplishments. And really, once you know that Mordin is actually divided about his genophage research, the more you see his shaken interior emerge.

Mordin’s unsettled conscience comes out from the first conversation he has with Shepard about his modified genophage. He opens the conversation by admitting he deceived Shepard about his work in the STG; he stares out a window, not making eye contact, when he utters these words. That already speaks volumes about how he feels. “Work on genophage was more than just study,” he admits, with a vocal inflection that sounds more doleful and serious than his typical jabbering. This topic is heavy for him. If Shepard responds in a skeptical, Renegade manner, he stammers, uncomfortable, more awkward than typical. He says Shepard needs to know “What I… did,” with an inflection perhaps hinting at the guilt inside him.

The further this conversation progresses, and the more Shepard asks questions about why he didn’t take different actions, the more animated Mordin gets. His voice rises, sounding more anxious, urgent, and harsh; he paces; he waves his arms emphatically; he makes illogical half-truths; he almost sounds defensive at several points. The moments when his voice is most defensive occur whenever he tries justifying the genophage as the right choice. “Modified genophage offered best outcome,” he says, while pacing, waving his hands, and sounding extremely stressed. “Stabilized population. Avoided publicity that could incite krogan anger.” The fact Mordin gets so worked up at this moment foreshadows the agonized heart he later exposes on Tuchanka. He’s giving Shepard the logical answer with his words, but his body language and vocal inflection convey he’s not happy with his logical answer, either. This topic stresses him precisely because it doesn’t hit well on his conscience.

It’s during the loyalty mission on Tuchanka that Mordin’s discomfort really comes to the forefront. Mordin’s initial character introduction is about establishing his confidence in his logical solution for the genophage. Mordin’s character development here digs into the meat of his narrative conflict: he’s still struggling with the aftereffects of his choice. The introduction shows his head; the development shows his heart. Mordin admits it can be hard to sleep at night. He admits everyone on his team changed after they saw the impact of their work (and Padok confirms Mordin changed, too, once he began recon missions on Tuchanka). Mordin outright says the genophage project was ethically uncertain. He says he established a clinic on Omega because it’s not ethically ambiguous, but a solacing and straightforward means of helping people in his retired years. It won’t cause him the stress the genophage project has done. And science, which once held the greatest excitement and certainty for him… now cannot comfort him in his moral dilemma. Mordin dives into religion to seek out a spiritual solution to his nagging conscience.

It’s not a casual dive into religion, either. At least, that is what might be implied by what Shepard learns. The evidence almost seems to align with the idea Mordin’s religious explorations were a big deal at a critical point in his life. A younger Mordin was willing to enter a fistfight with Padok about whether or not evolution was guided by higher powers. It suggests Mordin would have probably rejected religious notions in earlier years. Yet the Shadow Broker’s information on Mordin shows that later in life, he was even interviewed about the combination of science and faith. Mordin demonstrates significant knowledge in multiple religions, mentioning salarian theology, batarian beliefs, krogan gods, Hinduism, and more Christian references than basically all the human characters in Mass Effect make. He needed to do a massive amount of soul-searching because of his work with the STG.

Even in the Tuchanka hospital, Mordin still holds by his beliefs about modifying the genophage and reinfecting the krogan. He still says it was the right choice. He speaks about it less happily, but he still holds onto that argument. Yet now Shepard can see - very clearly - how much this choice burdens him. Even the Shadow Broker notices that Mordin working with Shepard on the Collectors is an attempt to rectify himself about his past actions. The loyalty mission makes Mordin’s conscience obvious.

Regardless of how Mordin decides to handle Maelon and the research data, this adventure on Tuchanka highlights Mordin’s interior doubt. Maelon says Mordin taught him the end justifies the means - but these krogan in Maelon’s hospital deserved better and Mordin recognizes this. This adventure brings his mind to the forefront of his personal and ongoing ethical struggles. He can choose to delete the data to try to gain closure, or take it with him; kill Maelon for his unethical choices, or send him off to Omega for his own soul-searching and healing; but regardless, Mordin does not gain closure on Tuchanka. It picks at the wound that Mordin knows is not healed.

The logic and the compassion are still at odds with one another. In the heart of Mordin’s character development, they are at odds almost more than ever before.

It’s in Mass Effect 3 that Mordin finds a way to do something about it.

From Creating to Curing the New Genophage

I made a mistake! I made a mistake. Focused on big picture. Big picture made of little pictures. Too many variables. Can’t hide behind statistics. Can’t ignore new data. My responsibility. – Mordin Solus, ME3

Initially, it might seem as though Mordin chooses to cure the genophage because political circumstances between species change. That is his official story to Shepard, too. If she asks him why he’s so comfortable curing the genophage now, he tells her, “Never change mind. Genophage proper decision at time. New circumstances necessitate course correction.”

However, just like Mordin gives his good logic to Shepard in ME2 but internally carries an emotional perspective, so also does there seem to be more going on with Mordin’s motivations and the genophage here. Like so much of Mordin’s narrative, it’s open to implication and interpretation, but I feel as though so much points to Mordin feeling more than “new circumstances necessitat[ing] course correction”.

First, Shepard asks Mordin if there is more behind his reason to cure the genophage beyond the Reaper invasion and political changes. She suggests there could be additional personal reasons for his investment. He admits there are few salarian scientists interested in the genophage and none with the experience needed for a matter of this magnitude. And then he says, “But not about them. My work. My job to put it right, to prove I can.” He does have personal stakes.

The second point to note is what Urdnot Bakara says about Mordin. Bakara notices an underlying, unspoken motivation for Mordin tackling the genophage cure. “I sense pain in him [...]. He told me about his work on the genophage. I should consider him an enemy. Yet I think seeing my sisters and I changed something in him.”

Mordin has already been questioning his past. As Padok says, Mordin’s work on the genophage haunted him. Visiting Maelon’s hospital on Tuchanka was influential for Mordin questioning his actions more. Meeting Bakara and the other weakened female krogan from Maelon’s research is the final experience, the catalyst, for him switching to curing the genophage.

Third, Mordin lets it loose his personal for curing the Genophage in the Renegade route. Shepard presses Mordin for why he chooses to cure the genophage after defending it every conversation before now. He wheels around, uncustomarily shouts, and declares with a rare full sentence, “I made a mistake!”

Mordin chooses to leak the intel about Bakara’s fertility to none other than the Urdnot clan. He is the person who mentions the possibility of a genophage cure to the krogan, even before negotiations officially start between the turians, krogans, and salarians in ME3. He is the person who plants the idea that the genophage can be cured now to the krogan. Mordin chooses to leave the STG and help develop a cure for Bakara on the Normandy. Mordin chooses to die saving the krogan because he made a mistake.

He can’t fight back all the logic anymore. His conscience that plagued him for years was right: he made a mistake.

That’s his real, uncovered motivation.

Mordin might say he never holds regrets over past choices, but here, in the heat of the moment, he lets loose that his choice was the wrong one. Perhaps he did not have the proper data at the time, but now he shouts he made the wrong choice to recreate the genophage. Suddenly, his calmer conversation to Shepard aboard the Normandy, where he says it is, “my job to put it right,” gets understood in a fuller context. His conscience is why he’s so dogged to cure the krogan.

And then his internal battle between his head and heart ends on the Shroud. After developing Mordin and letting us know why he’s conflicted, we get the solution to his internal struggles.

THIS is why I love Mordin’s death scenes. THIS is why I adore them. It’s a beautiful character arc start to end. His character introduction lets us know he created the new genophage. His plot conflict lets us know he’s struggling about his past choices. This struggle is seeded in his divided rationality and compassion. We watch this personal struggle gets developed, exacerbated in his ME2 loyalty mission. It prompts a change in ME3 that is geared more toward his conscience. And there on Tuchanka, right before he dies... he finds resolution to what he has been fighting since before Shepard even met him.

He gets resolution to both the external genophage conflict and his internal war between conscience and logic.

Here, for the first time, Mordin doesn’t act with his logic overriding his conscience. He doesn’t act with his sentiments clouding his reasoning.

Mordin, when he dies, solves his personal problem with the genophage.

Mordin, when he dies, fundamentally impacts the future of the galaxy.

And Mordin, when he dies, finally acts with his logic and conscience working as one.

Renegade Route Death

No time to argue. Cure dispersal imminent. Must counteract sabotage. Stop me if you must. – Mordin Solus, ME3

I’m a huuuuuge sucker for betrayals and characters dying short of their culminating self-aggrandizement. The fact that you - Commander Shepard - can choose to betray and murder your own friend for his own convictions is astonishing. Despite the fact you brought him on board the Normandy to create the cure, you can turn around and gun him down for that very work. It’s so impacting we the player can choose to assassinate our dear ally. I find this the most brutal and least chill death in the Mass Effect trilogy I’ve experienced. So yeah, I like the Paragon death better (for reasons I’ll discuss in the next section), but I still find many wonderful and juicy things about the Renegade Route death. This is a great ending to Mordin’s plot arc, too, and wraps up so much about what I adore about his personal narrative.

The first thing I love I already mentioned. The Renegade route has an incredible final conversation between Mordin and Shepard. Only in this route does Mordin shout out unfettered the motivation behind his genophage cure. He doesn’t make this confession in the Paragon route... only here.

That one sentence shout “I made a mistake!” is perfect. To point out:

It’s shocking because Mordin admits he made a mistake! He has been harping throughout his relationship with Shepard that he does not have regrets and he takes charge of situations because “someone else might have gotten it wrong.” However, now Mordin turns back on everything he stood for with the genophage modification project. He even says he cannot hide behind statistics, something Shepard accuses him of doing in ME2. Here Mordin is siding resolutely, firmly with the cure and claiming he got his first choice wrong. It’s a mistake.

How the line is delivered creates additional shock and impact. It’s not his typical telegraphic sentence, deleting subject position nouns or pronouns. He say the full thing, starting with “I”. It’s not “Made a mistake.” It’s “I made a mistake.” And he says that twice.

This shout is a short resolution for what Mordin will now unwaveringly do. He is willing to die for the krogan to be cured. We now know what his heart feels.

Immediately after his outburst, Mordin explains. New data has shown a cure is a better future than the krogan retaining the genophage. Between his initial raw shout and the subsequent logical countering, Mordin demonstrates his logic and conscience are working together. He feels he has to cure the genophage because he has to fix his errors. He has to clean up his mess, which gave him so much emotional haunting in the past. That’s the compassion speaking. And he sees from the current data around him that this is the best solution for the galaxy. That’s the logic and moral philosophical framework speaking.

This is why Mordin is willing to die. He didn’t have to die to save the krogan, especially in the Renegade version of the Shroud scene. Shepard makes it clear: “Walk away or I will fire.” Commander Shepard will only shoot Mordin if he tries to counteract the sabotage and implement the cure. She’ll spare him if he steps aside. A Mordin who is working on just logic might not be resolute enough to stand his ground. A Mordin who is working on just compassion would definitely not be resolute enough to stand his ground - he’s overriden his compassion in the past for logic. But Mordin will not back down when both his head and his heart tell him the genophage cure is the correct choice to pursue.

The second thing I find fascinating is that technically Mordin is dying from the consequences of his own moral framework. There’s good reason I yabbered up top about his philosophical disposition, folks. The truth of the matter is that Commander Shepard kills Mordin because of a consequentialist framework, too. The end justifies the means. Assassinating one friend to save a galaxy is what it takes, and that’s what she does. Mordin even seems to realize this; he deduces why Shepard is threatening him, and while he insists this is his choice to make, he doesn’t seem too surprised or upset at her ethical reasoning. It’s because it mirrors what he has done so often in the past.

It’s to note Mordin never wavers from utilitarianism, either. Again, his logic and his conscience are working as one. For Mordin, it does bring the greatest utility to save the krogan. That is the best choice. He’s willing to face the consequence of dying to see that end result through. It just so happens that Shepard disagrees, and is also willing to do what it takes to get her desired end result.

And so he dies.

The third thing I adore about the Renegade death is that Mordin dies for his convictions... but he doesn’t succeed. He is cut short. He never gets his resolution. He dies, struggling, choking on his own blood, croaking out the words, “Not yet.” With his final painful breaths, he tries to save the krogan anyway.

Mordin’s character arc is complete... sort of. It’s a powerful result. A powerful moment. He spends years haunted by his inner demons about the genophage. When he finally finds how he can ease his sense of guilt while still maintaining his logic... he dies. Shepard sees to it that he never finishes his quest for internal peace.

I love how the Renegade route doesn’t let you forget the consequences of your choice. The writing demonstrates some deontological bias (they don’t rub your mistakes in your face in the Paragon route), but it’s a great sentiment. Players feel guilt even when making a consequentialist choice... sort of like what Mordin had to live with. You did what was necessary to save the galaxy. But Shepard throws her pistol aside in disgust and marches away. And while everyone else is crying Mordin as a “hero,” you are sitting there... unable to divulge to anyone else... your dirty little secret.

Paragon Route Death

That was the courage of the highest order, sacrificing himself so our children may live. A thousand years from now we’ll probably be singing songs about him. – Urdnot Bakara and Wrex, ME3

Now here’s why I celebrate the Paragon Route more than Mordin’s Renegade death (or the third option where he survives the Shroud encounter). It can be boiled down to three big reasons:

1. The narrative of Mordin’s conflict gets wrapped up beautifully. The dialogue is written for extraordinary impact to get us that sense of painful yet resonant completion. 2. Mordin dies both bravely and not bravely. His choice is brave but his body language is not. It makes it more poignant to watch him knowingly go to his death. 3. Mass Effect is a story about heroism and legendary heroes, and through this route, Mordin becomes that unforgettable hero.

There are other reasons I’m attracted to it like the music and me preferring the Paragon route as a whole, but I’ll stick with these big three points. These are of course just my opinion, but here’s why I why I feel it.

1. Wrapping up Mordin’s narrative with beautiful writing and dialogue

Mordin surviving, ironically enough, is the least resolving for me. Sure, Shepard can talk to Mordin in London and assure him he did the right thing on Tuchanka, and Mordin can go help with the Crucible... but his story doesn’t feel resolved. The Renegade death has a resolute ending... he got resolve but he failed. The Paragon death has a resolute ending... he got resolve and succeeded. But if Mordin is convinced to follow Linron’s plan and go into hiding, we don’t get closure.

What is so nice about Mordin’s character arc (compared to many other ME characters) is that his arc is integrally wrapped up with Shepard’s main story. Jacob’s or Samara’s stories in ME3 are peripheral to Shepard’s central conflict. But Mordin gets caught right in the vortex of one of the most crucial alliances in history. To lack closure in his character arc also means a lack of closure for what happens in Shepard’s experiences. If Mordin decides he’ll keep himself alive and maybe cure the genophage later, we don’t get a consummation of logic and compassion; we don’t get resolution of his internal character struggles. We don’t complete the plot arc that has been building for two games. And if Mordin decides that he might cure the genophage “later,” then we don’t get any real resolution about the fate of the krogans, either. Act One in ME3 never “ends.” It’s left up in the air, we move onto a different conflict, and we can only speculate about what the hell happens later. Nothing gets resolved.

The Paragon death, as I see it, is the ultimate resolution to Mordin’s narrative journey. It takes everything we love about him - from his odd little inconsequential quirks to the center of his character conflict - and gives us a final wrap-up. He turns about one-eighty, finds his internal peace, and becomes a hero that saves an entire civilization.

Like the Renegade death, Mordin enters this with his head and heart working as one. Here, Mordin isn’t even pressured by someone threating him. Here, he offers his own life up: it’s both the most ethical thing to do by his moral framework, and it’s the one that gives his conscience peace. And after seeing Mordin so long tormented by the genophage... we finally see this character... achieve resolution.

He implements the cure. He stops the sabotage. And when he hears the speakers announce the cure will disperse over Tuchanka... he smiles. Even though he knows he will die in the next few seconds, this is the first and last time we will ever see Mordin at peace.

Next, the writers work up the moment to Mordin’s demise in a powerful way. I’m accustomed to seeing characters die after they give their catch phrase or one final powerful quote. What makes Mordin’s death so emotional is that we don’t get one phrase by which we can remember him. The writers give us three blows with three final quotes to evoke our emotions. Boom. One fond and important memory of him. Boom. The next. Boom. And he is gone.

The first “boom” is mentioning seashells. It hurts not just because it’s a funny moment you share with him. It hurts because he’s talking about what he wanted to do after the war ended. He and Shepard both know he’ll never get to study those seashells; he’s going to die in action. This turns a humorous conversation into a painful reminder he’s walking into his own death.

The next “boom” is giving Shepard his catch phrase. She offers condolences when she sees he’s about to go on the suicide mission, but he responds he’s not sorry. “Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong.” These are his final words to her for which she will remember him. These are his intended “last words.” Note that writing writing works well in threes, and this is the third time the “had to be me” quote appears, too!

The last “boom” is when he literally dies in an explosion. The first song Mordin sings to Shepard becomes the last song we hear. And he doesn’t even finish the line. We’re deprived of the song’s conclusion. “I am the very model of a --” Gone.

That song, “I am the very model of a scientist salarian,” is the tune he sings about himself and his life’s work. It’s his favorite song to sing. It’s a cheerful summary and celebration of what he can accomplish. And here, even as he dies, even as he can’t finish his lyrics, he does the greatest and most powerful thing he has ever done. He shows exactly what a scientist salarian can do.

Just talk about the perfect way to kill a character: he dies singing.

2. Mordin didn’t die “bravely”

I’ve seen other people talk about this, too. I’m just going to link you to a wonderful analysis on Reddit and quote what I’ve seen. It speaks for itself. I don’t need to add anything to it.

It wasn't that it was a brave sacrifice. It was by definition, of course, but it was far more than that. To me, I thought Mordin's sacrifice was powerful because it wasn't brave. I'll explain:

From the moment we meet Mordin on Omega, he's described in terms of being willing to help people, but being murderously savage when he needs to be. He openly speaks about killing surrendering foes, and is generally violent in nature along with his helpful spirit. However, as you go through ME2, you realize he's more than just violent/helpful. He's a complicated person who has done a lot in his short life. He's responsible for the modified Genophage, and he's served in STG. He's obviously brilliant. He loves art, as evidenced by his singing. But when he breaks down on your mission to Tuchanka over the deaths of test subjects, you get the feeling that though he knows what he did was necessary, it eats him up inside.

When you go through ME3, he's dedicated his life to making things right. He's your mole in STG to get Eve out, and he works tirelessly to find a cure for a disease he helped create. Once on Tuchanka, he decides to give his life for the cure to occur. Here I see what's most sad about Mordin. He's not just a tough, violent scientist who is ultimately out for the greater good. As he's going up the elevator, he's visibly nervous. He takes deep breaths. Once he's uploading the cure, he's singing and his voice is wavering. Up until the moment he dies, he's exceedingly vulnerable, his voice nearly breaking. He's scared of dying, but he knows it's for the good of the krogan, and the galaxy. Few characters, with the exception of Garrus, were as stripped down in terms of their psyche as Mordin was. You met both of them and their rough exterior, but by the end of ME3 you saw the cracks and learned who they really were, what they really felt. It's pretty amazing that a video game is able to give this sort of intimacy.

EDIT: And as I'm reading this again, it strikes me: He's also afraid that his work, the genophage, might never be cured. In ME3, his slogan takes on new meaning. "Someone else might have gotten it wrong." Someone else might have tried to cure the genophage, and been unable, or wouldn't have done it fast enough. He's worried, terrified that his legacy wouldn't be working for the greater good, but working for injustice. He realizes by the end of ME2 that his work, while necessary at the time, was wrong, and he devotes his life to fixing it. "Someone else might have gotten it wrong" is his entire purpose, his fears, and his desires all rolled into one.

Characters don’t tend to die like that in stories. In the Renegade death, you get a more “typical” end - a character dying boldly for what he believes in. “Stop me if you must.” We’re used to heroic sacrifices, bravely standing there at the end of it all, in stories. We’re also used to characters screaming and dying in cowardice. But we’re not used to seeing a character heroically choosing to die while at the same time being so terrified.

That just adds an extra layer of emotions as we watch him flinch with each explosion... watch when that next explosion takes him out.

3. Mass Effect is a story about heroes

This is the main reason why I believe I prefer the Paragon route over the Renegade. As juicy as Shepard’s betrayal is, it lacks the emotional resonance of Mordin choosing to die in the tower. Sure, I love reading about players’ guilt and whether or not they can even stomach shooting Mordin... but it can’t beat the emotional resonance of a hero being made.

What made the first two Mass Effect games so exciting and resonant upon completion is that they are the stories of a hero winning against overwhelming odds. Commander Shepard manages to save Council space by defeating Saren and Sovereign in ME - something highly unlikely, but satisfyingly completed. Shepard again beats overwhelming odds in ME2 by outlasting the Suicide Mission and coming out with her team in heroic glory. It’s because Shepard manages to make it through overwhelming odds that we’re left cheering, we’re left excited, we’re left emotionally resonant. I adored the feel of besting the universe. It’s so enjoyably badass!

Mass Effect 3 is different. Don’t get me wrong - I love the game and will defend it start to end. I will defend the end of ME3 far more than almost anyone else I know. I love the whole trilogy. But upon first playthrough, ME3 can feel off. Everything feels more subdued, more weighted. There’s an overhanging sense that the ending won’t be perfect - and indeed, the ending is not optimal. Huge sacrifices are made by the end of the game, and Shepard’s final choice regarding the Reapers results in bittersweet results. It’s not the bang-and-win feel we’ve been accustomed to in the other games. It’s painfully real. The consequences bear down on us, and we don’t feel like we come out of the story heroically. Shepard doesn’t storm through the finish line... she crawls.

So even though Commander Shepard emerges a “hero” in the main storyline, you don’t feel it. You feel “wrong” because she doesn’t overwhelmingly bash down the baddies like in the first two games. Don’t get me wrong - I love bittersweet stories, too, and that’s what I usually write - but it will always feel a little “off” to me that I don’t unwaveringly save the day in ME3. And yeah, my first time I even chose the one and only ending where Shepard lives, and it still felt uncomfortable.

Because that sense of grandiose heroism gets lost in the final cutscenes, I have had to look elsewhere to get my emotional “satisfaction” and fill of heroes in ME3. The quarian and geth conflict has great moments, but because it’s such a group effort, it’s harder for me to feel as though someone like Tali explodes as a hero (she does amazing things and grows, yes, but it’s not that bang-punch-hero feel). If Mordin leaves the Shroud alive or dies without implementing the cure, we get yet another solemn bittersweet ending like Shepard’s "solution” with the Reapers.

But if Mordin dies out in a bang, I get my quota of grandiose heroism. I get that glorious vibe which made me fall in love with ME and continue to love it in ME2.

He’s staggeringly altered the course of the universe. A thousand years of krogan infertility are reversed by the same species that first maimed them. Mordin undoubtedly becomes one of the most influential individuals in the galaxy. This quirky, emotionally struggling doctor you meet on Omega turns from a debatable war criminal to an instant hero.

Krogans celebrate him. He has become the savior for an entire species. Mordin becomes a legend immediately. Krogan will sing ballads about his deeds for millennia to come. The firstborn prince of the leading krogan clan is named after him: Urdnot Mordin. That extraordinary growth of a character, ending when he a legend... it’s powerful. It’s more powerful than a betrayal. It’s more powerful than saying, “Maybe I’ll cure them later.” Here and now, we see the jaw-dropping effects of his conscience and his logic working as one.

So that is why I still scream about Mordin’s plot arc even now.

It’s incredible.

It’s exactly what I want to see in storytelling - from its solid structure, to its depth, to its deep questions, to its impacting emotionality.

The character is set up with an interesting internal conflict that has galaxy-wide implications. After watching him struggle between two sides of his psyche, he finds a way to resolve them both and do a one-eighty, undoing his own greatest accomplishment. He takes on a sense of astounding heroism in his final act and dies with “the courage of the highest order”.

Commander Shepard will always be my hero. But with how they wrote Mordin’s story, I can’t help but gape at him in awe as a hero, too.

#long post #non-UT #Mass Effect #Mordin Solus #Mass Effect 3 #ME3 #ME 3 #ME #my analysis #there Peach there you go that's the analysis it's almost 6700 words you're welcome #wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee #don't get me started on the music in that scene #or other aspects I love about Mordin #I WILL WRITE APPRECIATION POSTS #FOR ANY AND *ALL* OF THE ME DORKS <3 <3 <3 #down to Anoleis haha #seriously though if ANYONE WANTS TO TALK MASS EFFECT I *SO WILL* OKAY

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