myautisticpov

[myautisticpov]

After years of living in the adulting world, I think I’ve come to a realization: Manners exist to guide you to good conduct even when you’re in a bad mood.

When you’re happy, when you’re feeling generous, when you’re pleased with your gift or your service or your outcome, it’s easy to be nice. It’s easy to tip the waiter well when you’ve had a good day. It’s easy to thank the teller or the clerk when you got what you wanted out of the transaction. It’s easy to smile and chit-chat with strangers on the road when you’re in a good mood.

It’s hard to tip the waiter when you didn’t enjoy your food. It’s hard to thank the clerk for their time when you’ve just been told there’s a problem with their account and they weren’t able to fix it for you. It’s hard to think of something nice to say when your aunt gave you a crappy sweater you neither need nor want. It’s hard to be nice to people when you’ve had a shitty day. It’s HARD.

That’s what manners are for. Scripts and phrases that you learn by rote to say when you can’t think of a single nice or good thing to say from your own volition. Yes, they’re scripted. Yes, the sentiment is empty. But the scripts work in every situation, and the emptiness provides a buffer between your own unhappiness and the rest of society.

Because most of the time, it’s not the waiter’s fault that the food you ordered wasn’t what you expected. It’s not the clerk’s fault that your account is overdrawn. It’s not the fault of the barista or the stranger on the subway that you got fired today or your favorite aunt died. But even when you can’t summon a smile or a cheery word, you can still have manners, because they will serve you the same in sunshine or rain.

[myautisticpov]

Was considering talking to my doctor about taking some new meds, but worried about the side effects, so I decided to start a mood/pain tracker to compare before and after

I decided this earlier and just wrote "Fine (13:51)" in the mood box

Anyway, it's nearly 1am, and I'm currently recovering from one of the worst anxiety attacks I've had in a while (I'm fine, I took my beta blockers, they've kicked in) and, like, I know that I should probably write more detail

But it would be so fucking funny to just write underneath

"Not Fine (00:49)"

[myautisticpov]

Sorry, no, just for context, I put in my OG tags that buying one of the outfits would cost £50, assuming you were only getting the guaranteed 4* items (admittedly, you will likely get more, but that's not guaranteed, I'm just calculating what's guaranteed)

But that was based on the bundles, and I had assumed that the most expensive bundle would work out cheapest, but then I glanced at them again and realised that wasn't right, buying the cheapest bundle would actually net you twice as many crystals for the price

But then I saw that the bundles were limited, so you could only buy one of each

So I was like, okay, people are definitely paying for these outfits though, so how are they doing it?

The way I'm getting crystals is by earning diamonds through gameplay and buying them (again, perfectly possible, as I'm doing it, but I'm still in the early game, so I'm getting a lot through progression and exploration that will probably dry up later, and I'm also putting an autistic amount of hours in while I'm off work for xmas and before I'm busy with holiday stuff)

So, one crystal costs 120 diamonds. There's a button to buy diamonds, so I click that. You buy diamonds with the premium currency (stellarite) and they seem one to one. So 120 stellarite per crystal. You buy stellarite in set amounts, but those amounts do at least divide by 120. I double-check that the most expensive one works out the best, and it does, so that's £99.99 for 6480. So £99.99 for 54 items. There are ten items in the outfit in question, and you're guaranteed one of the items in the outfit every five times you use the crystals. So you're guaranteed the entire outfit in 50 crystals, which works out at £92.58

And I imagine a bunch of people are scoffing, like, "omg, what? are you new to gacha?" and going to name a bunch of other, much more egregious examples, but, like, yeah, I am new to gacha because I have ADHD and am really susceptible to microtransactions that are, like, £1.99 each, going, "that's not a real amount of money", and then buying fifty in a month

And I'm double-y susceptible if they're loot boxes and I'm like "but if I buy one more, I might get the thing that I want"

So I haven't touched gacha before because it looked like the same thing

But I'm actually not susceptible to premium currency hoops that try to hide the real amount you're paying because I'm too nosey with the calculator, and these prices are so egregiously bad that I didn't even need the calculator to notice it was a bad deal

So, yeah, maybe the game is just being held aloft by whales who have a spare £93 to drop on a new outfit every so often

But if it was, what would be the harm in being transparent with that number? Instead of forcing me to be nosey with the calculator?

On the one hand, the value proposition of paying for the crystals for the gacha mechanic in Infinity Nikki is so bad, it cancels out my ADHD susceptibility to those kinds of mechanics

But on the other, like, the existence of the ability to pay for them at that price suggests someone more susceptible than me, and that's worrying...

(also read my tags before arguing with me, i've just realised i've basically put an essay in there)

[myautisticpov]

On the one hand, the value proposition of paying for the crystals for the gacha mechanic in Infinity Nikki is so bad, it cancels out my ADHD susceptibility to those kinds of mechanics

But on the other, like, the existence of the ability to pay for them at that price suggests someone more susceptible than me, and that's worrying...

(also read my tags before arguing with me, i've just realised i've basically put an essay in there)

[myautisticpov]

Me, trying to rig my xbox controller to work like a steno device because typing hurts too much: Idk, I just don't know if my pain affects me enough to say that I have proper chronic pain, you know? Like, I'm disabled because I have other disabilities, but the fibromyalgia is totally manageable... Barely even noticeable...

[myautisticpov]

Taash is also very clearly autistic

Most of the criticism where people are trying to pretend that it's not about them being non-binary is all "I just don't like them because they're too blunt, rude, cringey, and immature"

Ya'll have noticed that nobody seems to be upset about the non-binary mayor of Treviso or Maevaris, right? The medic at the Warden Camp? Why is Taash getting all the flack for something already in the game with other characters?

Taash is non-white coded (I will die on that hill.)

Taash pushes back against the 'don't ask, don't tell' idea that queer folks shouldn't be "shoving it in your face."

Racism & Homophobia and the inability to figure out or conceptualize nuance.

That's it. That's the post.

[myautisticpov]

It's kind of hilarious to me that I started using TikTok because I needed to take social media advertising seriously, but my audience is mostly in the US, and, well...

Anyway, the thing that maybe made me the most furious on the app was someone saying "hey, this is the foundation the person in the shop said was my colour, but it's too pale, wtf?"

and it was stitched by someone going "ummm, actually, you're supposed to use at least half a dozen other products to bring the colour back to your face"

And I went into the comments, expecting people having the same blood pressure spike as me, but aside from one comment, the rest was all people going "yes, omg, people are so ignorant about this! why can't they understand that when you're told your foundation shade in the shop, you're expected to buy ten other products, and if you don't, you're the problem!"

I was literally ready to throw my own foundation in the bin, psoriasis and acne be damned

Like, I don't even have this problem with foundation, mine does look fine on its own, but I was sent into such a pure level of rage, I never wanted to look at the stuff again

someone: don’t u think it’s disturbing how in the past few years the level of femininity women are expected to perform and the industries they’re expected to contribute to in order to be taken seriously, especially on platforms like social media, has skyrocketed to the point that perfect makeup, contouring, acrylic nails, and eyelash extensions have become almost a social expectation and when women express no interest in adhering to those standards they’re met with vitriol and scorn straight woman who thinks Legally Blonde is the apex of feminist media: okay but it’s my choice? if i want to be feminine i should have the right to choose to do that because feminism is about choice

[myautisticpov]

People using AI to get answers to things has really reached a point where I can't avoid seeing it (like people posting screenshots of the AI answer to their question, that they're posting to make a point)

And it's like, I can't even get that mad, because even if they had pulled the info from a website, it could have also been a website written by AI

It feels so impossible to fight against because, like, I feel like the only alternative is expecting everyone to have post-graduate level research skills and a knowledge of how AI works and how it's flawed, and that's just deeply unfeasible

Like, there were already huge problems with misinformation online, but this feels like big tech dumping radioactive waste into the already polluted water

[myautisticpov]

So, hey, one thing that's been annoying me lately: if you want to talk about people who are affected by a thing, just say "people who are affected by [thing]", don't try to guess which groups are affected, because no one ever gets it right

I keep seeing people say "[thing] is a problem unique to late-diagnosed autistic people" when it can be a thing for literally any autistic person, or when people are talking about PMS affecting ADHD, they always say "people with a uterus" or "AFABs" and it's like, the mechanism controlling this problem is hormones, you know, the thing that changes with HRT???

Just say "people affected by [thing]", don't try to assign it to a group if you don't know what you're talking about

Don't say "late-diagnosed" when you mean "autistic people who have had to spend a lot of time masking" and don't say "people with a uterus" or "AFABs" when you mean "people who have PMS"

Just be specific!

[myautisticpov]

Okay, real question for the other AuDHDers, does anyone else have an easier time with their executive functioning when they're sick?

Like, obviously not if something causes brain fog, but, like, I can usually tell when a cold is coming on because I get weirdly productive for a couple of days, and I'm currently in the zone where my nose is streaming, but I'm capable of being out of bed, and I'm getting way more done than on a normal good day...

[myautisticpov]

we have GOT to kill tiktok/twitter self-censorship i just witnessed a grown adult say the word “smex” out loud to our professor

[myautisticpov]

lol, accidentally reblogged the follow-up to my author blog

So, I've managed to catch something and my sinuses are fucked, and my usual go-to is a cup of rooibos tea with honey and lemon

But I recently bought some spicy honey (I can't tell it's spicy when I drizzle it on some Wensleydale on toast, but I can when I have it on toast on its own, that's the level of spice we're dealing with)

Anyway, this is either going to be the best or the worst idea, but I'm putting the spicy honey in the tea...

[myautisticpov]

So, I've managed to catch something and my sinuses are fucked, and my usual go-to is a cup of rooibos tea with honey and lemon

But I recently bought some spicy honey (I can't tell it's spicy when I drizzle it on some Wensleydale on toast, but I can when I have it on toast on its own, that's the level of spice we're dealing with)

Anyway, this is either going to be the best or the worst idea, but I'm putting the spicy honey in the tea...

[myautisticpov]

There's a difference between "disabled" and "legally recognized as disabled," and I just want to give a shout-out to all the other disabled people who don't have formal diagnoses, who don't have access to benefits of any kind, who don't have the ability to use even the shittiest and least-helpful resources, because the process of getting legal recognition for disability sucks ass.

And another shout-out to all the disabled people who purposely avoid getting diagnosed, because official diagnoses can be used against you, and you're unable or unwilling to risk it.

[myautisticpov]

I love the fact that my TikTok FYP has been full of people memeing about how "Loser, Baby" from Hazbin Hotel was gonna be at the top of their Spotify Wrapped, and I was like, "well, I didn't get that into Hazbin Hotel, but I did listen to that song quite a bit"

And then the top of my Wrapped was actually Divine's Lament from the Divinity Original Sin 2 soundtrack

Which I feel is a slightly different flavour of autistic queer...

[myautisticpov]

So, there's very little sunlight right now, and I have a book that's coming out at the end of the month (it's about an autistic nerd who stumbles into the middle of vampire bullshit and it's very sapphic and you should pre-order it)

Basically, I have to be on my best behaviour right now to make sure I actually sleep and remember to eat and actually do my work and don't become a nocturnal hermit who lives in her hooded blanket

But then everyone was talking about the Game Awards, and apparently Balatro has a decent mobile port, and apparently I had enough of the play store rewards to get a tenner in credit, which is just enough to buy the game, and I was stuck on a bus in rush hour traffic after being fucked around by two different pharmacies and not eating since breakfast because I wasn't supposed to be fucked around for multiple hours, I was supposed to go home and get lunch...

So, like, I wasn't not going to buy it, but I fear that, given how everyone talks about this game, I may now be slightly fucked...

[myautisticpov]

Me, when people online are saying that you don't need to use ebook/audiobook subscription services because libraries have ebooks/audiobooks: Not everyone has a local library with robust digital services, and even ones with access don't always have request functions, and even if they do, I don't blame small village libraries for focusing on crime fiction, straight romance, children's books and celebrity memoirs, but I'm an autistic lesbian who mostly reads SFF, they do not always have enough books for me to read

Me, whenever someone I know irl talks about buying an ebook/audiobook: Do you have a library card? Have you checked out your local library? You know, your local library probably has that one, you should sign up.