myautisticpov

[myautisticpov]

the worst part of having a doctor tell you to "reduce stress" is that it is legitimately impossible for the vast majority of people. quitting your stressful job will result in stressful homelessness, stressful starvation, and stressful poverty. cutting of stressful family and friends will result in stressful loneliness, stressful drama, and stressful accusations. logging off the stressful social media will also result in stressful loneliness, being stressfully out of the loop, and stressful boredom. ignoring stressful politics will result in stressful lack of preparation for stressful curtailing of your personal liberties and stressful cuts to every public service you use. it's impossible to not be stressed unless you're literally some kind of richtok nepo baby, and even those weirdos have the "stress" of managing their servants and deciding which olympic sized swimming pool on their stressfully massive property is better for hosting their stressful sweet sixteens.

really being told to "reduce stress" or that your illness is caused by stress is being told "suck it up and get out of my office. also it's technically your fault for living in the real world"

Edit stop arguing this was a vent about having a neurologist who seems to have graduated from clown school instead of med school, plus i'm a marxist leninist

[myautisticpov]

Update on how funny this is: I tried a more expensive fash wash and it looked like I had burned myself - I bought the budget one for half the price and it worked great

Also, the most effective thing was no longer using fabric softener on my bedding

Literally, spending less money is more effective for me

Absolutely hilarious for me to have developed a special interest or hyperfixation (we'll see how long it lasts) on skincare, while also thinking that most skincare influencers just look wet all the time

It's also incredibly funny because I actually have pretty good skin underneath my psoriasis, and no one ever seems to be talking about that when they talk about what products help with what, so none of it is even applicable to me (I've figured out what works for me, but that has been a deeper research job, and it does mean regularly ignoring normal advice)

[myautisticpov]

the thing about disability is it really does sometimes boil down to "wow i wish i could do that" and then you can't. and it sucks.

[myautisticpov]

[myautisticpov]

stupidest people on gods green earth

[myautisticpov]

sometimes when i try to describe my relationships with being visibly autistic, i think "visibly developmentally disabled" explains it better. where i live, autism awareness is really low, so people who see me don't think about me in correct medical words and diagnoses, etc. they probably don't know what autism is, how it presents, maybe don't even know the word autism. but they do know clearly that something is wrong with me. that something is wrong with my mind (sorry for the wording. they put it like that and i don't know how to express the specifics of this treatment better).

some people seem to think that visible autism means "everyone know your exact diagnosis and understand what it means and think about you in proper medical terms," something like this. i think this idea leads people to say things like "autism is invisible disability" (presuming always and for everyone) or "well everyone's autism is visible if you know where to look."

visible disability is not about everyone knowing the specific diagnosis by look. visible disability is about people knowing that you are disabled by look.

another example: i'm a mobility aid user (cane/crutches/wheelchair depend on situation), and i'm visibly physically disabled because of it. people don't know my exact diagnosis by look, but they know i'm disabled in a physical way.

similar for visible autism: people may not know exact name of condition, but they know that i'm disabled in a developmental way. and act accordingly.

[myautisticpov]

very strange phenomenon now that many people have learned online not to pet service dogs is that they walk by little bird and me, wave their hands at little bird, and say in a baby voice "oooohh you're so cute! you're so cute! i'm not going to pet you because i know you're working! ooohhhh puppy puppy puppy, i want to pet you but i'm not allowed~" and i have to tell them what they're doing is literally as distracting as petting her. this happens almost every single time i'm out with her.

[myautisticpov]

Me, feeling extremely bad over something inconsequential: Oh no, is my mental health this fucking bad???

Me, an hour later, dizzy and nauseous: Oh, okay, different health problem...

[myautisticpov]

something has gone deeply wrong when "focusing pragmatically on issues you can influence and working to make life better for yourself and your community" is considered an unserious distraction while "endlessly exposing yourself to media about distressing situations you can't control" is considered political engagement

[myautisticpov]

So, I decided to make my personal reading challenge this year to have the LGBTQIA+ bar on my StoryGraph genre chart the biggest one at the end of the year, and holy fuck was that a good choice

Like, I'm an eclectic reader, so I can end up reading all over the place, but reading two sapphic books with neurodivergent protagonists back to back legitimately feels healing

Anyway, I finished Hook-Up to Holidate by Rose Santoriello last night, and now I'm halfway through Set the Record Straight by Hannah Bonam-Young, and I'm having a great time

[myautisticpov]

Reblogging here because this is one of my series with an autistic protagonist and it's been a couple of days and there are still some of the 25 copies left

three person poly relationship made up of two people who are already dating trying to coax someone with horrific self worth issues into a loving relationship. stray cat style

[myautisticpov]

Hi new friends. Please don’t censor words, especially triggering ones. Seeing trigger words written l!ke th!s doesn’t stop them from being triggering.

It just stops Tumblr’s built in filter (see under settings) from working which many of us have in place to protect ourselves.

This has happened to me multiple times this week, and as someone currently struggling with suicidal ideation, has not been great.

You are not on TikTok or Insta, please use the full words so people can protect themselves. Thank you 💖

[myautisticpov]

Okay, question for people using word alternatives (not google docs) because I can't be fucked with microsoft right now, what are the text to speech tools like in your program of choice?

With my dyslexia and adhd, I'm still using word because I can set the text-to-speech off at a speed that works best for my brain (I need the robot voice to go faster or I want to stab it) and then tab out and have that running on one monitor and, like, Civ running in the other, and that works really well to help me hear problems in my work

Can I recreate this set-up somewhere else?

[myautisticpov]

Look, this is what moral OCD is like for me:

I walk past a piece of paper. I don’t pick it up because I had a long day at work and it’s very cold outside. This then becomes my internal monologue:

I didn’t pick up that piece of paper, I should have. Don’t I care about the environment? It’s not my trash, I shouldn’t have to pick it up. But also that’s how these things happen right? We place the blame on others as our environment degrades. It was just a piece of paper, it’s not like it can do that much damage. But also how do I know: I’m not an environmental expert. Maybe stray paper scraps are killing the frogs. You’re literally killing the frogs. You should look up how many frogs die a year so you know how shitty you are-No stop it.

I care about the environment, and I recycle and I joined green activism movements but is that enough? I could be doing more. I should be doing more. I should donate my entire check to charity. But isn’t it self serving to think that my one check could help that much? Do I really think I’m that important, how self entitled and-no stop it, reset! You are obsessing and if you fall for it, you will not eat dinner. Let it go.

Okay it’s just a piece of paper. It’s okay you skipped it this once: it could have had something dangerous on it. Yeah that makes sense. But also, that means I’m putting my own safety over trying to help the environment, which is very selfish of me. I’m just one shitty person: god how could I be so self absorbed. I should have picked up the piece of paper. I’m so selfish, and shitty and-no, no, stop it! This is not helpful. It’s fine.

It’s been a long day and I’m cold, that’s not a crime- no that’s being selfish again, you’re making excuses. You’re just a lazy piece of shit who doesn’t care about others, and selfish and God the fact you’re thinking this much about one piece of paper shows how selfish you are, you care more about if you’re a good person than anything else, you’re a piece of shit, you’re a piece of shit, YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT.

I get home and open up Tumblr. The first post I see says “if you don’t reblog this post about the environment you’re as complicit as an oil billionaire.” I close my computer and resign myself to looking up the state frog populations until I go to bed.

I don’t eat dinner.

The amount of frogs that die a year is somewhere from 200 million to over 1 billion.

[myautisticpov]

Absolutely hilarious for me to have developed a special interest or hyperfixation (we'll see how long it lasts) on skincare, while also thinking that most skincare influencers just look wet all the time

It's also incredibly funny because I actually have pretty good skin underneath my psoriasis, and no one ever seems to be talking about that when they talk about what products help with what, so none of it is even applicable to me (I've figured out what works for me, but that has been a deeper research job, and it does mean regularly ignoring normal advice)

[myautisticpov]

"i wish i could unmask wherever i went." "i wish i was visibly disabled."

Okay, fine.

Do you also wish you were pulled out of class and asked if you've taken illegal substances because you weren't masking?

Do you wish you were just not allowed in class sometimes because of your symptoms being disruptive?

Do you wish parents would pull their children away from you because you walk funny and make weird noises?

Do you wish your parents got sympathy glances whenever youre out in public with them?

Do you wish all this? Or do you wish you were more accepted by society?

EDIT: i think im not very good at explaining myself, this post is targeted at people who say "i wish i was visibly disabled" and then go on to deny that visibly disabled people experience a lot of ableism and danger because of it. this isn't targeted at people who wish they didnt have to hide themselves.

[myautisticpov]

Hmm... Developing a special interest/hyperfixation on something that's very easy to spend a lot of money on is always a danger...

Like, I thought Infinity Nikki was gonna be a problem, but Nope, time to embody every stereotype by getting really into skincare the month before I turn 30

(for clarification, I have psoriasis and eczema, so there's only so much I can be influenced anyway, because I literally cannot use anything that isn't sensitive skin friendly and fragrance free, so I am only buying from Simple (or CeraVe where Simple is missing products), but it is a sticker shock to go from no skincare, to Simple's £4 moisturiser, to several different products, some of which are nearly £20)