#it breaks my immersion/enjoyment for a second

[pfhwrittes]

this is such a stupid niggle to have but whenever i read fics set in scotland or the uk and the characters mention being worried about raccoons there’s a part of my brain that goes “oh. an american wrote this.” because we don’t have raccoons here. they’re just not a thing. like in terms of rabies vectors our main concerns stem from bats, not raccoons. in terms of scavengers knocking over bins it’s usually foxes or gulls that cause the most disruption. not raccoons. never raccoons.

also on the list of animals we don’t have wild in the UK, no bears, no moose, no big cats (lynx, bobcats, mountain lions) no wolves, and no coyotes. we don’t actually have any large predators (which is actually a massive problem because we have a huge issue in some parts of the UK from the deer population).

what we do have? foxes, badgers, deer in various flavours (roe, red, muntjac, sika, fallow and chinese water), lots and lots of different species of bats, beavers (in some parts of Scotland), wildcats (only in scotland i believe and they’re not big cats they’re mostly oversized house cat shape), pine martins (again i think only in scotland), stoats, otters, seals. plenty of birds.

so yeah. UK wildlife. pretty chill. no large predators.

you can absolutely blame my ex-partner for some of this knowledge as they are an ecologist

[animeyanderelover]

Anon: Can I get Dazai (BSD) with Prompt 70+205 NSFW please?

Tw: Yandere themes, possessive behavior, obsession, stalking, blackmailing, manipulation, abuse of power, emotional gaslighting, guilt-tripping, clinginess, Dazai breaks into reader's apartment, sadism, masochism, suicide mentions, Dazai has scars underneath his bandages, mentions of self-harm, co-dependency, Nsfw, dry humping, f!reader

Tags: @shumidehiro @leveyani @izanami78

Words: 15.3k

Prompt 70 + 205

It was a beautiful evening.

It was neither too warm nor too cold, there was a gentle breeze softly stroking your face and the whole sky was lit up in the warm colours of red, orange and gold as the sun slowly set in the distance.

Yes, everything considered it was a very beautiful evening. If only you wouldn’t have gotten lost, maybe this evening could have been even more enjoyable. But no, instead your little exploration had led you into the outskirts of the city and now you didn’t know how to get back to your apartment. You hadn’t familiarised yourself just yet with Yokohama and its infrastructure and streets, everything was still new and slightly overwhelming to you.

The only guidance you had was Google Maps yet you were running frighteningly low on battery, your current predicament getting worse and worse by the minute. Your footsteps got faster as you started hurrying, not keen on having your phone die out on you before you at least reached the street your apartment was in.

Soothing sounds of rushing water reached your ears as you reached a river, a small bridge built above the shores. Initially there was little to no attention you paid the scenery though, time a luxury you didn’t have in the face of your low battery.

You only spotted him from the corner of your eyes, the mysterious man standing close to the bridge railing. Chocolate brown hair, a long coat and bandages covering his neck and his arms.

All of a sudden your footsteps came to a halt, your eyes glued to the strange man.

It was unclear whether he had noticed you but simply ignored you or if he was so deeply immersed in his own thoughts that he hadn’t spotted you, his gaze focused on the river below the bridge.

Distant sounds of the nuzzling city of Yokohama, cars honking due to the busy evening traffic, the chirping of cicadas. All white noises as you found yourself wrapped inside strange emotions, a familiar ache in your chest as you watched him.

Your feet moved on their own before you even recognised it, one of your hands reaching out to gently grasp his sleeve. Only then did he finally turn around to you, a mild look of surprise on his face. It disappeared as quickly as it had emerged, an impish yet still quite charming grin on his face as he inspected your face.

“My, what a pleasant surprise to meet a pretty lady like you out here~ Can I help you with something?”

The ache was still there, somewhere deep within your chest as you observed his face for a few more seconds, your mind barely registering his question. Only when he lifted one of his eyebrows in slight wonder did you finally react, lifting up your phone where Google Maps was still opened.

“Do you know how I can get there?”

Brown eyes darted to the bright screen, his head leaning closer as he took a look at your phone before you spotted a look of realisation crossing his face.

“I do,” he hummed softly, brown orbs moving from the screen of your phone to your face, “Did you move here recently?”

His keen observation and correct assumption surprised you a bit and when you saw the corner of his lips twitching up in amusement you imagined that the surprise must have shown on your face.

“Welcome to Yokohama, pretty girl. I hope you’ll settle nicely in the city.”

You blinked a few times, the nickname he’d just called you by flustering you a tad bit before you muttered out a small “thanks”. The strange man on the other hand seemed to find amusement in your somewhat flustered state, a grin on his lips that had your heart clenching in melancholy and nostalgia.

“Can… Can you help me getting to my place?”

The words stumbled out of your lips before you could hold them back, your emotions guiding you more than your mind did. You just couldn’t help it.

Now it was his turn to appear somewhat caught-off-guard, his head tilting lightly to the side as brown eyes inspected you.

“You want me to help you?” he queried, pointing at himself and looking so comedically shocked that you wondered if he was trying to tease you in that moment.

“I do,” you replied as you put your phone back in your purse, noting with a sigh that you were done to 12%, “My phone is about to give up on me and as you correctly noted, I’m new in this city. I could need some guidance to find my way back to my place.”

He put one of his hands on his chin, his eyes closing as he feigned a thoughtful expression that made you poke your tongue against the inside of your cheek. Yes, he was definitely teasing you right now.

“What if I say no?” he questioned you, his eyes reopening and staring into you directly as if curious to see how you would react as well as handle this potential rejection.

“Do you have anything else to do? Something more important than helping a poor damsel in distress right now who might get lost in such a big city after having grown up in the countryside?”

Your eyes couldn’t help but briefly land on the river as you challenged him, your voice firm and stubborn. You would not back down here. You couldn’t.

That’s when he squinted his eyes in amusement, brown orbs scintillating with a cat-like fascination as the brief glance you casted at the river didn’t go unnoticed by him. A warm chuckle escaped his chest, one that scratched a warm spot in your heart.

“Guilt-tripping a stranger to get what you want, hmm? You’re a ruthless thing, aren’t you?”

As he seemed to consider your arguments, you tried your best to hide the dwelling anticipation within your chest, the growing unease with each second he didn’t answer.

Only when he let out a long and most likely exaggerated sigh of defeat did you let out the breath you hadn’t even known that you had held in the first place.

“You know how to make a man feel guilty, don’t you? How could I deny you maiden in need without looking like a terrible man now?”

—-

“So you’re from Yamagata, huh? Is it nice over there?"

You glanced to your side where Dazai, as he had told you earlier on, walked, his hands in the pockets of his coat.

"It's a very peaceful and calm place," you began, tilting your head slightly up as you recalled your childhood and all the memories you'd left behind, "but because it is rather rural there weren't a whole lot of job opportunities you could choose from. I think most of my old classmates moved away after graduating school to search for a new life in other cities."

"Oh, is that so? Did some of them also move to Yokohama?"

"Not anyone that I know. Most of them went to Tokyo, some to Kyoto, Sapporo, Sendai, Osaka..."

You paused, stopped counting on your fingers as well as you tried to recall if you had missed listing another city you knew someone from your year had moved to. You couldn't recall anything though so you dropped your hand and shrugged lightly.

"That's about all that I remember at least."

"They grow up so fast, don't they?"

You arched one of your eyebrows as you watched Dazai sighing with feigned nostalgia as if he'd been there to watch your entire class growing up.

"You make it sound like you're a grandfather," was your reply, though there was a hint of amusement somewhere in your tone which he picked up on.

"Well, I do have a junior in my workplace who I have been mentoring a bit and to see him growing so much in comparison to when he first joined..." a proud sigh escaped his lips, his eyes closing as if he was reminiscing about said junior of his, "My little student has finally taken his first steps to become a grownup."

Gosh, he really was a dramatic one, wasn't he? You couldn't say that you didn't like that though.

"Are you sure that you're someone in your early twenties and not secretly a sappy old grandfather?"

"You think I'm old?" he gasped with played shock on his face, only eliciting another grin from you. He would have made an excellent performer in theatres though you doubted that he was one. His exaggerated and dramatic gestures and gestures would have been fitting nevertheless.

As the two of you turned around another corner you also suddenly realised that you knew where you were again. Thank goddess. You really had to memorise the streets around your block better because you doubted you'd bump into someone like Dazai every time you'd get lost.

The look of relief that broke out on your face as your gaze took in the familiar signs and buildings made Dazai chuckle a bit.

"Seems like the bird finally returned to her nest," he noted, halting his steps all whilst you continued walking for a bit before you turned around to him.

"Indeed," you agreed, "I think I'll find my way back home from here."

"Such a shame. And here I thought I could escort you back all the way to your apartment," he pouted though you were unsure if his disappointment was real or just another one of his common teasing and over the top reactions.

"Not today. Maybe another time," you replied cheekily, deciding to play a little bit back as you clasped your hands behind your back, "On another note though, thank you a lot for your help. Without you I would have ended up god knows where."

Your appreciation was sincere, something that seemed to catch Dazai by surprise. Or perhaps you just imagined the slight widening of his eyes before a practised smile appeared on his face, one of his hands scratching the back of his head sheepishly.

"You give me too much credit. I only did what anyone else would have done in my position."

You let out a huff before you shook your head in amusement.

"It's the little things that count, don't you think so?"

You liked to think that the glint appearing in his eyes was one of appreciation as well for your little engagement with his own silly antics, something he probably wasn't used to.

"I guess so."

It was getting dark now, the lights of the city illuminating the place. Your battery was down to 9% but at least now you had nothing to worry about.

"As much as it pains me to speak those words, this is probably goodby-"

"Goodbye until the next time we bump into each other again."

You deliberately cut him off at the end of his sentence, asserting your own words before he could finish his own as your eyes rested expectantly on him.

Once again he gave you that mildly bewildered look before it made way for silent intrigue. Both of you shared a long look of silence, something wordlessly understood within that time of quietness, something that had his heart skipping a beat.

"Until the next time we meet each other again then, (y/n)."

Apparently satisfied with that reply you waved him one final time temporarily goodbye before you turned around and made your way back to your apartment, brown eyes following you until you were out of sight.

Intriguing. You were truly intriguing.

---

"Welcom-Dazai?!"

The obligatory greeting that you were required to give all customers who walked into the café you were working in quickly got stuck in your throat, instead replaced by a surprised shout that had the heads of other clients turn around.

Embarrassment and shame quickly heated up your cheeks as you quickly bowed a couple of times in their direction, muttering a few apologies before you cleared your throat and turned your attention back to him.

He wasn't alone. With him was another boy, one who appeared to be slightly flustered and shy as he stuttered out a greeting when your curious gaze landed on him.

"You don't sound very happy to see me again. And here I thought you'd jump straight into my arms the next time we meet again."

God, he really was a manchild as he almost appeared to sulk when noticing the surprise written all over your face. Yet it still made you smile in amusement as you shook your head.

"Two people I assume?" you asked, catering to your duties first whilst on your job. You could try to talk to him a bit more once you'd found him and the other boy a table.

Another pout on his lips as you didn't engage further with him though eventually he did nod, patting the boy on his back so that he'd follow as you guided both of them to a round table near the windows.

Only after both of them had sat down did you allow yourself to converse a bit with. Your gaze flickered to the boy who, once he noted that you were observing him, duck his head sheepishly.

"Is that the junior you told me about the other day?" you eventually asked Dazai with a slight smile on your face, turning your gaze back to him. He seemed to light up once you focused back on him, happy to have your eyes back on him.

"He is! This is Atsushi. Do excuse his shyness, he doesn't know how to behave around a pretty lady such as yourself yet."

You couldn't help the snort that left you as you handed both of them the menu.

"Are you planning to teach him that too? Oh dear, I pity the poor boy and his future already."

A hand flew right over his heart, a pained gasp leaving him as if you'd just shot him straight through the heart.

"Why? Am I not the most charming person you've ever met?"

You rolled your eyes amused before your attention was turned to one of your other co-workers waving over at you in an attempt to gain your attention without disturbing the other customers by shouting.

"I'll have to leave. Just let me know when you know what you want to order," sou explained to them before you quickly made your way back into the kitchen. You were still able to overhear Dazai's whine when you left him alone with Atsushi.

"Here I am taking my time during my job to visit you only to be ignored. How cold."

"... Dazai-san, I wouldn't call visiting 7 different café 'taking time from your job'.

Wait, what??

---

As it turned out you had neglected specifying to Dazai where exactly you were working which had prompted him to search through all café within your district as the only thing you had mentioned to him had been that luckily your workplace wasn't far from your apartment.

Atsushi had only been the scapegoat as the boy had confessed to you, his huge appetite the perfect cover for Dazai to visit all different places without getting sick himself. Honestly, considering that Atsushi had already stuffed himself full in all the previous stores and had still devoured the curry and slice of chocolate cake he had ordered you couldn't blame Dazai for forcing the boy to tag along.

However, you did have a nagging suspicion that perhaps it had been Atsushi's pocket money that had been largely blown on this trip. That was at least the assumption that you made when you brought the bill over and saw the poor boy wincing.

So you put the bill right in front of Dazai with a bit more force than needed, giving him a bright smile.

"Atsushi over there must be really happy to have such a kind senior as you are who looks out for him so much and even invites him to the café I'm working in."

There was a slightly threatening aura to that smile of yours, one that didn't allow for any resistance. So with a whining sigh, closed eyes and a pout on his lips this time it was Dazai who pulled out his wallet. The only thing missing right now were the tears rolling down his cheeks to further punctuate his hurt.

"Oh, you're breaking this man's heart... and his wallet."

---

"Ouch!"

That hiss escaped you when Sakai-san, an older co-worker of yours, attempted and failed to elbow you discreetly as her sharp bone made contact with your ribs instead. A confused scowl was on your face when you turned to her, rubbing the sore spot.

"Sakai-san, what was that for?"

She let out a giggle before her eyes motioned to something behind you.

"He's back again."

Dazai?

Indeed, when you turned around you were met with Dazai standing at the entrance, hands clasped behind his back as his brown eyes were locked onto your form.

"Go on, we all know that he only wants to be served by you," Sakai tittered teasingly, her eyes flickering back and forth between him and you suggestively which had your face heating up somewhat though within the next moment you felt the familiar heavy weight coiling itself around your heart once more.

"You're wrong..." you uttered quietly though you weren't able to defend yourself otherwise as you walked over to greet Dazai. After all he was still a customer and as one you couldn't have him waiting for too long.

It was the 41st time that he'd visited the café in the last 3 months...

---

"Ah, so you found out about the job as well as got it with the help of one of your seniors back in high school. You're not planning to work there permanently as a waitress though, do you?"

His hands were folded behind his back as he leaned back on the bench, his eyes lazily observing the ocean in front. Both of you had happened to meet whilst you had just taken a stroll through the city on your free day and somehow he'd managed to convince you to take you on a little tour, claiming that you still didn't know all the hidden gems Yokohama had to offer.

Now, with a heavenly crepe in your hand that Dazai had bought you from a little booth you had to admit that were indeed a lot of things this city had to offer that you still didn't know about.

"Well, that is the plan. I have fun with my job but I don't think it's something that I can imagine myself doing for the rest of my life. The payment is enough for my cheap rent but I was planning to move into a bigger apartment later in my life," was your answer whilst you were chewing, biting through juicy strawberries and tasting the sweet whipped cream.

Your gaze cruised relaxed across the ocean, spotting a couple of ships who were either making their way to the port or leaving it. You liked this moment. It felt... nice. Yes, that was the right word. It felt nice to just sit with Dazai like this, watching the ocean together as seagulls flew freely across the seawater, their sounds being carried over by the breeze drifting over the body of blue and tickling your faces.

It was the abrupt noise of amusement that brought you out of your peaceful state, your eyes turning curiously over to Dazai. As you did so, facing him, you could see for a split second how he pressed his lips together as if attempting to hold the light chuckle back that broke out of him within seconds anyways.

You furrowed your eyebrows, not understanding what was so funny right now, especially since it seemed to be connected to you looking at him.

"Care to tell me what's so funny so that I might join you?" you queried, scowling a bit as you didn't exactly like feeling like you were laughed at.

"My bad, my bad. Sorry," was his swift reply, brown eyes staring at your face with a fond glimmer that had your heart tightening, especially once he suddenly shuffled closer to you.

One of his hands cupped your heated cheek, his thumb wiping over the corner of your lips.

"You just had some whipped cream smeared on your cheek," he whispered lowly as if he only wanted you to hear him even though there were currently no other people around, "I just thought that you looked really adorable."

Your breath hitched, your eyes widening as you stared at Dazai.

-

The sounds of barely contained chuckles reached your ears, making you whip your head around quickly, your eyes narrowing as you caught sight of him.

"Hey! What's so funny right now, huh?"

His hands quickly waved at you, trying to appease the hint of frustration currently bubbling up within you.

"Sorry, sorry. It's just that you have some sauce on your face. God, you should look at yourself right now. You actually look kind of cute like this."

Your heart skipped a beat, your cheeks heating up though you hid your embarrassment behind a scoff, one of your hands wiping over your mouth.

"You only smeared it further over your face," he sighed, shaking his head whilst looking at you with warm eyes before pulling out a tissue from his pocket.

"Here, let me help you," he offered kindly, taking a few steps closer to you before he started wiping away the food from your face.

-

Your heart lurched within your chest, the pain filling your veins and your heart. As if his hand was fire you pulled back quickly, the movement as well as the speed of the action so unexpected that it even seemed to startle Dazai slightly.

His hand was still outstretched, his gaze frozen on the spot where your face had been only seconds ago with the temporary shock before it darted over to where you were now. Brown orbs narrowed as he attempted to meet your gaze only to notice that you were avoiding to look at him, your own vision fixed on the ground beneath the bench.

Yet you still couldn't hide it. The raw pain. The heavy guilt.

His hand hovered in the air for a while longer before he lowered it slowly, something stirring within his chest as his eyes observed your face like a hawk, gauging every twitch of your eyes and clench of your jaw.

There was something...

The silence that had been comfortable only minutes ago was now threatening to suffocate you and every second that passed only made it worse. Your heart was pounding against your chest so loudly that you feared that Dazai would be able to hear it as he was within your proximity.

"(y/n)..."

A dagger, straight through your heart as he spoke your name so softly, so carefully. The warm sensation of comfort shooting through you threatened to burn you, your insides crawling.

It felt wrong. So very wrong to feel that way.

The need to escape dwelled strongly within you as you found yourself unable to endure it. You rose abruptly to your feet, your balance thrown off due to the quick movement, whipped cream dripping down your hands due to the way you clutched the crepe so tightly in your hold.

"I..." you paused, your tongue frozen as you couldn't find it in you to conjure up any half-decent excuse to leave as sudden as you planned to. Not with the way your heart was pounding within its cage, each beat a new wave of emotion that shook you to your very core.

"I have to leave."

You quietly cursed your unsteady voice for cracking at the end, unable to keep everything confined within the deepest darkness of your soul. You feared him, feared the feeling of a hand grasping after you and clutching to your pitiful form, of a hurt and confused voice asking you about your abrupt parture yet none of that happened. So you left, that tormenting silence pushing down on you. A part of you longed to look back yet the fear of gazing into brown eyes only to be met with silent agony and loneliness predominated over that nagging guilt as you quickly stormed away.

You really were such a coward. Why were you always like this?

---

It was pouring heavily when the two of you crossed paths again after a few days of you not having been able to spot him anywhere. Those few days had felt like a few of the longest days in your life as your mind was unable to let go of the memory of your last interaction with him. The guilt had only festered within your mind and heart with each passing hour yet still, you had always found yourself pausing whenever you had tried to call him or to send him a simple text as your mind had suddenly emptied itself with blank dread.

Even whilst you had worked you had been unable to push the subject away, especially since quite a few of your co-workers kept on bugging you about Dazai. You hadn't been able to tell them about what had happened. You couldn't bring yourself to tell the truth and even if you could, you didn't know how to. Only Nakano had sensed that there was something you didn't want to tell and had helped to inconspicuously guide you away from your romance-loving female co-workers.

Dazai's absence had stung though, more than you would have wanted. There was no denial though that you had grown quite attached to the silly man in those last few months and you were afraid, afraid because you suspected that he was feeling something for you you had sworn to never give to someone else after him.

So many times you had imagined what you should say to Dazai the next time you'd bump into him but as both of you were standing there right now on different sides of the street with the rain pouring down on the two of you, all that practice and all the thoughts you had spent for him vanished as you forgot how to breathe.

It felt like there were only the two of you in this world as the crowd of humans around you blurred into incognisable blurs of colours, becoming one endless string of movement that you barely noticed from the corner of your eyes.

After all you could only focus on Dazai in that moment, unable to tear your eyes away. He was soaked through, held no umbrella that shielded him from the rain unlike you. Wet strands of hair fell down his eyes, droplets of water trickling down from those brown locks. He must have been freezing in the cold autumn weather, he could have gone and searched for any cover to protect himself from the heavy rain yet he didn't. He chose to stand there and watch you, both of you trapped within a small world where only the other existed.

Time became insignificant for those too long yet too short moments where both of you couldn't look away from each other, where it felt like only the eyes of the other person mattered in this world. Until Dazai severed that connection by averting his eyes, a sudden gush of cold wind pushing you harshly back to the real world. A gasp left your lips, a breath you hadn't even noticed you had held in this entire time escaping your lungs.

All sensations returned to you. The noisiness of the city around you. The goosebumps all over your skin due to the chilly weather. The smell of rainwater, of food and exhaust gases. You were grasping for a sense of control within the real world, your mind still not fully back until you felt safe enough to move again, your eyes instantly searching for Dazai.

His retreating form was the only thing that you noticed, your heart stopping inside your chest for a moment as you watched how he slowly disappeared within the crowd.

-

Brrrrr. Brrrrr. Brrrrr. Brr-

Your hands instantly started digging into your schoolbag, your fingers sweeping around within as you attempted to find your phone before you fished it out, quickly accepting the call. Especially once you saw who was calling you.

"Hey, Hideo," you chirped as you made your way through the mostly empty streets, on the way back to your home after your day at school and after finishing your club activities.

"Hey," he echoed back softly, his voice unusually quiet considering that normally he was always more energetic. You narrowed your eyes when you heard his voice, pressing your ear closer to your phone.

"Is everything alright?"

A few seconds of silence, a few seconds too much of silence as if he didn't know what he was supposed to answer to that question before you heard him sighing.

"I'm just a bit tired. It's been kind of exhausting those last few weeks."

"I... I guess so," you replied unsurely before straightening up, your tone returning to a chipper sound as you attempted to cheer him up, "Exams have been pretty tough. But hey, we're finished now! That means we can take it easier again."

"True. It's finally over. God, my parents were basically interrogating me after every exam because they wanted to know how I'd performed."

"Well, you've always been the brain between the two of us. They really don't have anything to worry about, especially since you always perform so well. I mean, without you I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have scored as high on my previous tests as I did."

"You're giving me too much credit. I only nudged you in the right direction. You learned everything else quite fast by yourself then."

Awkward silence. Uncomfortable silence. Silence that had your stomach twisting in ways that had you feeling like something was not quite right.

"So... is there... like-uhh... a reason why you're calling me?"

You internally cringed as soon as you had spoken those words as they only registered whilst you heard yourself speaking them. God, that sounded quite awkward which really didn't mend this already strange situation.

"..."

You could have sworn that you heard Hideo releasing a shaky breath as if trying to maintain his emotions better.

"Not really. I guess I just wanted to hear your voice."

Okay, this was getting more and more suspicious. You had a queasy feeling in your gut.

Just as you were about to turn around the next corner you spotted him right there, just standing there at the end of the road all alone. Instantly you stopped, pressing your back against the building as you peered around. He hadn't spotted you, his back facing you as he simply gazed up at the dark sky.

"Are you sure that you're okay, Hideo?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Or am I too sappy by giving you a compliment?"

"No! Absolutely not."

A soft exhale of air from the other line of the call that had your heart clenching and fluttering at the same time.

"I guess I just wanted to let you know that I'm glad that we're friends."

There was a lump at the back of your throat, one that you desperately tried to swallow back. You felt uncomfortable, your heart heavy with a sensation you didn't like nor want.

"S-since we have no exams anymore, how about playing video games together again this weekend? Or anything else to take our minds off the pressure?"

Why did you sound so desperate? Why was your voice threatening to crack?

"...Sounds nice. I'd like that."

You nodded your head eagerly even though he couldn't see you.

"Okay, it's a deal then. You just wait until I kick your ass in those games."

That's when he let out a genuine chuckle, one that managed to ease your trembling heart a bit.

"You sound confident. Well then, good night (y/n)."

"Sure. See you tomorrow."

"... Yeah, until tomorrow."

As soon as he hung up you peered your head around the corner, watching as his silhoutte turned around and moved into the opposite direction where your house was. You didn't know why you didn't just walk carelessly without minding whether he spotted you or not.

Once he was out of sight did you finally remove yourself from the spot where you had been hiding, your steps tentative yet fast as you quickly made it to the other side of the road where he'd been standing just very recently.

You could still spot his silhoutte, getting smaller and smaller. A part of you felt the urgent need to rush after him, to reassure that wriggly anxiety within your heart yet you tried to shake that unease off. Hideo always recovered quickly from his sorrow.

Tomorrow he'd come over to your desk and both of you would laugh over this silly call. So you turned your back on his retreating figure slowly disappearing into the darkness as you made your own way home, the streetlights illuminating the path...

-

Cars honking loudly. The quiet yet judgemental stares of the people. The cold rain washing over you. All those consequences seemed insignificant as you sprinted over the street despite the red light, pushing your way through the people and dropping your umbrella as a result. All you could focus on was Dazai's figure slowly blurring into the crowd, disappearing from your sight.

You didn't want this. You didn't want him to disappear from your life. Not like this. Not again.

Your hands reached out so far that your muscles hurt yet that didn't matter to you, your body lurching forward, your fingers tightening around his bandaged arm.

"Don't go."

Such a short sentence. Such a simple sentence. Yet who would have known that so few words could carry so much emotions with them as you felt your voice quivering, your chest heaving with too many emotions as your eyes started stinging with unshed tears.

He stopped as soon as he felt your desperate grip around his arm, your fingers clutching at him as if he'd disappear the moment you'd let go. His body turned slightly to be able to look upon you, brown eyes gazing at your pleading eyes.

There was so much pain in your eyes. Why was that? What was hurting you so much?

Scattered thoughts bounced back and forth within your mind, as soon as you thought you had caught one it trickled through your fingers like sand. Emotions hit you full force as if you were standing directly beneath a waterfall, unable to bear the burden.

You felt completely overwhelmed, didn't know what you were supposed to do. The only thing you knew was that you didn't want to let go. You couldn't.

"(y/n). You're crying."

As if someone had pulled you out of the depths of the ocean you resurfaced to reality, all the noises around you suddenly coming back to life, his voice tearing through whatever abyss you had been falling in.

One of his hands was on your cheek, his thumb rubbing over the skin.

Crying? Were you crying?

You didn't know. You really didn't know. Perhaps it was just the rain pouring down unforgivingly on the two of you that made it look like you were crying. Or perhaps you really were crying, your eyes prickling with the emotions you'd just gone through. Thank god it was raining though so that neither you nor him could tell whether you were shedding tears or not.

"It's just the rain," you pressed out, taking deep breaths to gather your scattered control so that you wouldn't fall apart any further. Nevertheless though, your hand ran over your face to wipe away the droplets of water, to wipe away the tears either your eyes were shedding or the tears that the rain put in your eyes.

"It isn't," he refuted quietly, stepping closer to you as brown eyes stared at you, almost through you as a forlorn haze took away the usual lively sharpness his eyes always had as if he too was recalling a memory that pained him.

You gave him time as you realised that his mind was elsewhere. However, just like he had helped you just moments ago you felt indebted to do the same. After all you knew how painful it was to get lost in your own regret.

"Dazai, we should go to my apartment until the rain has stopped."

---

Your apartment was nothing grand, nothing outstanding. It consisted of five rooms. The little hallway as soon as someone entered where the tiny kitchen was also installed into, the living room with a small couch, a kotatsu table and a futon stuffed into a cupboard which you rolled out at night, a small bathroom with a bathtub and showerhead, the second smallest room where a washing machine was stuffed into and the tiniest room where the toilet was located in.

It wasn't much and Dazai knew that your parents were partially still supporting you yet he'd never felt more comfortable inside someone else's apartment in his entire life as you ushered him inside, both of you soaked to the bones. His coat, that he had insisted on wringing out before entering your building, was slung over your arm as you had suggested throwing it into the laundry dryer.

"Just make yourself at home. I'll get you some towels," you instructed him as you hastily took your shoes off before disappearing into the tiny washing room.

There really wasn't much to analyse in your room as you had only bought the bare necessities, aware that you had only a limited amount of space. Still, it was tidier than his own place by a long shot and you hadn't even planned to bring him over, meaning that you hadn't cleaned up on purpose.

Perhaps he should also start cleaning his place up a tad bit more when he got the chance to bring you over to his own apartment.

Footsteps echoed from behind him and in the next moment something covered his vision.

"Here."

As Dazai rubbed himself dry as good as he could with his clothes completely wet you opened the cupboard and pulled out some blankets. You didn't have any clothes you could borrow him to wear except your own, meaning he'd have to stay in those soaked pieces of clothes he was wearing. The very least you could do was to keep him warm somehow.

When you turned around, your arms stuffed with two blankets, you were met with Dazai's gaze already on you. His brown hair was slightly tousled, the towel wrapped around his shoulders like some sort of cape. Despite everything that had just happened you couldn't help the weak huff of amusement that escaped your lips. He reminded you of a wet cat, it was a rather adorable sight.

"Take those. I don't want you to catch a cold," you spoke as you handed him over the blankets.

"What about you?"

"I'll change my clothes in a moment," you simply told him, rolling your eyes when Dazai made no motion to take the blankets which led you to wrap him up inside them yourself. You could sense his gaze following your every movement as if he was afraid that he'd miss something crucial if he were to avert his eyes even for a moment.

"(y/n)..."

-

"(y/n)..."

-

Both of you were close, too close for your heart ro remain quiet. It was pounding against your ribcage, elated yet heavy at the same time. It felt like the air was different than just a few moments ago, every breath pricking your lungs as if electricity surrounded the two of you.

It was thrilling. It was new yet familiar. It scared you.

You attempted to move away, to create some distance between the two of you that would give you some semblance of normalcy again yet as soon as you leaned away, his hands shot out and grabbed your wrists, tugging you closer to him.

“(y/n),” he breathed again, his tone almost a whine as your denial of even properly looking at him stroked the neediness within him.

He needed you to look at him.

“Yes?” you replied tentatively, your gaze carefully trying to hold his own. There came no reply from him though as if he was simply captivated by having you looking at him with full attention once more, only prolonging your own awkwardness as your feelings started spinning out of your control.

“Dazai?”

What was with that dreamy look on his face?

“Osamu…”

“H-huh?”

“Osamu. Call me Osamu.”

You blinked multiple times within only a few seconds, your heart jumping and trembling as you realised that he wanted you to call him by his first name.

“Say it. Please say it.”

His grip on your wrists tightened, brown eyes looking at you with an almost begging shine within them. You could feel your palms getting sweaty, crying and screaming at your traitorous heart for fluttering within your chest. It was just a name. It shouldn’t feel as intimate as it did.

“O-Osamu…”

Eyelashes fluttered as his name left your lips, warmth wrapping itself around his heart similarly to the blanket you had tugged him into. It was comfort and pain all at once, the unfamiliar heat burning the cold void within unlike anything he’d ever experienced.

Your own heart was in similar agony as your gazes were locked, his eyes threatening to burn your barely recovered feelings. You wanted to beg him to stop looking at you like this, the ache almost too much to bear yet at the same time there was a tiny part, a rotten part, that didn’t want him to look away.

His gaze gently traveled over your face before landing on your lips, your heart skipping a beat as you noticed where his gaze was lingering. It was tempting, especially with the charged atmosphere yet the viscous guilt within you clung to your soul, bubbling up within the pit of your stomach.

Your index finger pressed against his forehead when he attempted to lean closer, your lips pressed in a thin line to protect yourself as you slowly shook your head.

For one brief second the atmosphere drastically changed, creeping resentment mixed with icy pain that was dumped over you like a bucket of cold water before it all melted away into tangible disappointment that tasted bitter on your tongue.

“Why?”

He didn’t need to speak so quiet. You desperately wished to tell him that he could speak up, that he didn’t need to utter his words in such a breathy and soft voice as if scared of anyone but you hearing his words. Because it was this tone that made everything feel more intimate, that pulled you closer to him and created the illusion of a protective bubble only including the two of you.

Your defenses were worn down, your heart almost within reach. Dazai could see it in the way your lips parted, your gaze deeply in thought as if searching for the words you’d kept to yourself for the last few years. It was a burden you wished secretly to share, the weight of it forcing you through constant pain.

But once again you were too afraid to let go even if it hurt.

“It’s nothing.”

And just like that you shoved him out of your heart, your defenses up and shutting him out completely. His fingers twitched when you shook your wrists free from his hold, a coldness born from within his heart making him shiver that not even the warmth of the blankets could erase.

You turned your back on him, didn’t have the will nor strength to look at him in that moment. He’d gotten close. Too close. You couldn’t let that happen.

---

Nakano Rin. A co-worker of yours. But not just any co-worker. A former senior of yours in high school who had played a major role in you moving to Yokohama and getting you the job in the café. She was truly a kind and supportive senior who never coddled you too much.

From the very first moment she had seen him Dazai had known it. That she didn't like him. He didn't know why himself. There were a lot of reasons why some women didn't like him. His dramatic exterior, his theatrical actions or most notably his habit to propose to lots of women to commit a double-suicide with him.

It was the last point that had been quite a few times a reason for some people to complain directly to the Agency which had inevitably led someone to prepare a present as a form of apology for said person. Yet he had never asked you this question nor was it his behavior that appeared to bother her about him.

No.

The moment she had spotted his bandages had she given him a skeptical look, visible concern in her gaze whenever he had visited your workplace and you had served him. She was worried for you for reasons that went deeper than other complains he had received from women around him.

That's because she knew. She knew something that he didn't. She knew what it was that held you back and though Dazai already had solid suspicions of his own she would be the first clue.

That's why he sought her out, waited for her to make her own way home. She always had to take the train to reach her own apartment faster so he waited for her in front of the trainstation, stepping out of his hiding spot the moment he spotted her figure.

Her face fell slightly the moment she caught sight of him though she instantly hid it beneath a neutral face.

"What are you doing here?"

Oh, certainly a blunt one who didn't pull any punches.

"Oh, why so harsh? Am I not allowed to be in the city where I live and work?"

There was an unimpressed look on her face as he told her this. Clearly she was a no-nonsense person.

"I've been using this station for the last few years. Never once have I seen you here before after my work and I don't believe in the bullshit they call fate. So what is it that you want from me?"

Hmm, a sharp one. Trying to charm her obviously wouldn't work unless he wanted to risk annoying her even more and causing her to leave. She hadn't left though just yet and that was because she was interested. After all Dazai wasn't the only one who wanted to know something. Matching her bluntness appeared to be the best option here.

"I'm curious. What have I ever done to deserve such hostility from you?"

Months she had spent only observing him goofing around. The sudden shift in his personality caught her off guard as her eyes widened in surprise for a brief moment, taking in the man in front of her who looked the same and yet so different before she stuffed all that shock down. It was too late though, Dazai had already seen her brief loss of composure.

"What makes you think that I dislike you?"

The muscles within her body tensed subtly, her voice more pressed than just a few moments ago. She was getting defensive right now. Oh, he'd caught her red-handed and she knew that yet tried to hide it. How predictable she still was in the end.

"We both know that you have something against me," he spoke, the volume of his voice not changing the least as he took a step closer, only causing her to tense up further, "Every time I'm around (y/n) you always give us those fleeting glances, your eyes are always lingering on me as if you fear that I'll do something unspeakably terrible to her. You're scared that I'm going to hurt her. But I want to know why. You see, you don't strike me as someone who is naturally the overprotective type. No, you're more the kind of person who makes decisions and judgements based on your experience."

He was looming right over her, shadows falling over his face as he stared right into her face, taking in the barely hidden intimidation that must have pumped through her body in that moment. He hadn't done anything though besides asking harmless questions and Nakano wasn't the type to throw an unnecessary scene. It was one thing he could at least appreciate about her.

Her eyes involuntarily flickered down to the bandages wrapped around his neck. Her gaze somehow always landed on those bandages with that interesting mix of concern and worry though none of it was for him. It was all for you. There was a reason why she seemed to dislike his bandages as much as she did, a reason Dazai needed to know. It was the key he needed to obtain your heart.

"You know already, don't you?"

She was on full defense but his surprise attack had left her largely unprepared just as much as his confrontational behavior she had not been exposed to before. It took most people always far too long to get over their shock and disbelief. That's what would push her over the edge

"I love (y/n). Isn't that enough reason for you to trust me?"

-

"Nakano-san..."

"What?"

"I... I think I love (y/n)."

-

"You love her? What is the point of loving (y/n) when you are going to hurt her anyways by not even livi-"

There it was. The crack that he had needed to target which had caused the walls to instantly crumble, even if only for a few seconds. That was all he needed.

Nakano didn't finish her sentence as she caught on to her words before she could spill something that only her and you knew about. It was already too late though.

'What is the point of loving (y/n) if you are going to hurt her anyways by not even living?'

That was it.

"See? The two of us can hold a decent conversation after all. Have a nice, evening, Nakano."

With his hands shoved in his pocker he simply walked past her, brushing off the mortified look on her face. He'd gotten what he had wanted after all.

Still, the full picture was still missing. He only had the frame so far. Perhaps it was time for a few days of vacation. You'd told him so many wonderful things about Yamagata after all. it'd be a shame to not visit the place at least once.

---

"Vacation?" you muttered surprised, repeating the answer one of Dazai's co-workers had just given you.

The man, Kunikida as he had introduced himself, adjusted his glasses as his shoulders slumped before he straightened as if mentally preparing himself for something.

"i'm afraid yes. However, I apologise in advance for whatever he may have done. As soon as he has returned I will make sure that he will personally apologise to you. May I have your name so that I can inform him as soon as he is back?"

You blinked once. Twice. Thrice.

"Huh?"

"What has he done this time? Did he ask you to commit double-suicide with you? Did he bother one of your friends or sisters? I assure you, his behavior does not reflect the way or agency wo-"

"What? No! He-he hasn't done anything. I..uhh...was just worried because I haven't seen him for a few days now. He also hasn't answered any of my calls either so I thought that something might have happened."

Now that you were hearing yourself you couldn't help but feel pathetic. God, it wasn't like you needed to see him every single day after all. You were only bothered right now because normally Dazai always visited your café a few times every week even if his wallet was always crying invisible tears when he blew his money on drinks and baked sweets to support you and your workplace.

You weren't worried because of anything else...

"That idiot is fine. He's going to be back in two days and as soon as he is back I'll make sure to lecture him on not making a lady wait and worry like this."

You hadn't even noticed that you had drifted away with your mind until Kunikida's disapproving voice in regards to Dazai pulled you out of that spiraling void.

"You promise...? That he'll be back?"

"Yes, I promise."

You weren't convinced but his words were the best thing you had to latch on to right now. This was a man who had worked alongside Dazai for a few years now after all already. He knew him better and longer than you had.

But then again, you had thought the same about yourself only to find out the hard way that you hadn't known anything at all.

---

"Ueno-sensei, right?"

The older woman flinched when she heard that unfamiliar voice calling out her name only to be greeted by the face of a stranger when she turned around, clearly a few years too old to be a student.

"Yes, that would be me. Who are you, young man?"

"My name is Dazai," he answered as he slowly pulled out his badge, "And I'm here because I have some questions concerning one of your former students, (l/n) (y/n)."

---

You should try to get some sleep. You had a long shift tomorrow yet your mind kept on wandering to Dazai, wondering how he was doing at the moment. He was supposedly meant to return tomorrow yet you still hadn't been able to reach out to him. No phone call answered, no reply to your messages though at least you had the consolation that he had at the very last read them.

For not the first time on that evening did you grab your phone to see if he had called you or finally decided to talk to you in some other form yet once more were you met with nothing which only fueled the unease within you.

"Tomorrow," you kept on telling yourself like it was a prayer, "Tomorrow I'll see him again."

You closed your eyes tightly, trying to shoo the tears away that threatened to spill out. Everything was too familiar...

---

Long fingers clutched a bouquet of yellow hyacinth in their hold, concealed emotions hidden behind brown eyes as Dazai stood in front of the family grave.

His train would leave in two hours yet he had still felt the need to visit this place, to get his first and last look at the person that had stolen your heart and had it still in his possession. He bent down, laying the yellow flowers down in front of the grave, his first and last offer, his gaze focused on the name etched into the stone that seemed to start tormenting him just now just as it had tormented you for years.

Arata Hideo

That would change very soon though.

---

You were only with half your mind there as you walked back to your apartment, the other half of your brain too busy worrying about Dazai to the point where you felt almost sick. Kunikida had promised you that he would send Dazai to you as soon as he would return.

So why hadn't Dazai appeared in the café? The entire day you had spent keeping a constant eye on the entrance, always hoping that he would walk in and would act like nothing was wrong which would then finally allow you to shed the heavy cloak that had wrapped itself around your heart for those last few days.

You had already made up half of your heart to head to the Detective Agency right now even if it was already late and you should try to get some sleep even yet you didn't know if you would even be able to rest well. Not with your stomach twisting and turning in that wriggly and nauseous dread and your heart aching and crying in fear of history repeating itself.

You missed the keyhole two times in a row, your eyes unfocused and your thoughts elsewhere but the present. It was the moment you stepped inside and were left alone did the carefully crafted composure crack. Your teeth sank into your bottom lip as you attempted to fight back your tears, your stomach and chest heaving with barely contained sobs.

Normally your apartment was always kept tidy yet you really had started to lack those past days. Your sink was filled with unwashed plates and cutlery, half-full bags of chips and empty containers of cup ramen scattered all over the counter and you hadn't even bothered to roll your futon in and stuff it back into the cupboard this morning. You had no motivation to clean up now either, didn't even feel like taking a shower. You would simply bury yourself beneath the blankets for a while until you had emotionally gathered yourself to visit the agency where Dazai was working once more. And if he still hadn't returned-

Your back hit the wall behind you as you stumbled back in shock when you walked into your living/bedroom. Dazai was sitting right there on your futon, his back facing you and unresponsive as you smacked right against the wall behind you.

What was he doing here? How had he gotten inside your apartment? Why had he left so suddenly? Why hadn't he informed you beforehand? Where had he been? Why hadn't he answered any of your calls or messages?

So many questions swirling around within your mind, so many clashing emotions writhing around within your heart yet you found yourself unable to express anything as only one word made it past your lips.

"O-Osamu."

Still no reaction as he just sat there, gazing out of the window. It was this silence that you were bathed in that only grated your already shot nerves more, your anxiety spiking as you took one tentative step closer.

"Osamu?"

"Are you just using me?"

...What?

The question was akin to an unexpected blow to your heart, the air leaving your lung as you stopped breathing altogether for a few moments as your distressed mind miserably failed to process his words or where they were suddenly coming from.

"Wha- NO! I'm not using you! Where- Why would you even think that?"

What had happened? What had you done for this to be the first thing to come out of Dazai's mouth after not having seen him for days?

Your breath was uneven, your chest stuttering as it rose and fell rapidly to supply air to your lungs yet it still felt like you didn't have enough.

That's when Dazai finally turned around to look at you and your heart froze when you saw his face. Any mirthfulness or mischief had vanished as if it had all been a mere illusion, leaving only those unfamiliar brown eyes who were staring straight at you with no warmth in them.

"Arata Hideo."

At first the world seemed to slow down, to even freeze entirely for a moment as that name ring in your ears. Then the tremors reached your heart, violently shaking at it and breaking down any frail walls you still had left within you. Tears streamed down your face, burning against your cold skin, your lips wobbly as you gazed at him.

"How do you know that name?"

There was pain, pain you thought you had gotten at least a bit better at managing but now as you stood there, your body trembling with restrained sobs and your cheeks soaked with salty tears you knew that it had just been a big, fat lie. You were still stuck in that same place.

Dazai completely ignored your question as he slowly stood up, his own eyes never leaving yours.

"It's quite a sad story isn't it? A young man with a dazzling future ahead of him yet deep down drowning in a sorrow he couldn't ever explain, searching for his place in the world yet never able to find it."

He took a step closer to you, eyes starting to gleam with previously repressed emotions. You instinctively took a step back.

"In love with his best friend yet unable to properly express his feelings."

Anger, pain, sorrow, betrayal and something else. All things you could make out in his eyes as you slowly stepped back all whilst he stalked forward.

"Arata Hideo took his own life in his second year of high school by jumping down from a builing one night, finally putting an end to his existence in which he could find no meaning in."

Your back was pressed against the door, sweat coating your forehead, your heart so painfully fast that it hurt in your chest all whilst your shaky gaze was focused on Dazai.

The back of your head pressed against the door until it hurt all whilst Dazai leaned his own face closer, his hands caging you in.

"Doesn't that story sound somehow familiar, (y/n)?"

And just like that you broke down completely. Sobs tore through your throat, your shoulders shaking as even more tears cascaded down your cheeks like a waterfall. Memories of a fading silhoutte filled your mind, wounds that had never healed reopening and bleeding with more intensity than ever.

His eyes followed your tears, torn apart between heartache for seeing you in such distress and twisted delight for making you suffer, coal-black bitterness tainting his heart.

You weren't allowed to take a break. Not until he was satisfied.

"You loved him, didn't you?"

Your head was buzzing painfully as that call kept replaying itself over and over again, self-loathing and regret tearing into you again. Your vision was blurred through all the tears that wouldn't stop falling.

You didn’t dare to answer his question, afraid to reveal a truth that you no one but you knew. A truth that you wished you would have been able to share if it wouldn’t have been for your own cowardice. Your inability however was irrelevant. Dazai knew already.

“Do you love me too then?”

It was nothing more than a whisper, his warm breath hitting your face as he uttered this question. The impact that those words left on you though was anything but a soft susurration, the screams of your heart more akin to those of a banshee promising your own death.

You’d lost your ability to reply, your tongue turned to stone as the only sound that you could muster was a pathetic choke.

“I’m just a replacement to you, aren’t I? A second chance to fix your mistakes from the past. But (y/n), I’m not Arate Hideo.”

Hands suddenly grabbed your shoulders tightly, long and bony fingers digging into the skin and bones, putting pressure on you. Your knees, weak as jelly and already barely able to hold your body up gave in like twigs in the wind as you were pushed down, kneeling in front of Dazai’s unforgiving and cruel eyes.

“Did you feel relief when you found me on the bridge that day and rescued me from making in your mind reckless and stupid decision? Does it feel good to play the role of the hero who is saving the helpless man who silently suffers? Do I serve as a useful tool to soothe your guilt by helping you play out the little fantasy you which you would have acted on five years ago?”

Poison everywhere.

Swirling around in his eyes, oozing out with every word that he gritted out, seeping out from the tips of your fingers into your very being until even the air tasted wrong.

Your own body couldn’t function anymore which allowed Dazai to hoist you up on your shaky knees and push you back into your living room where you instantly fell on your futon. He swiftly knelt down in front of you, grabbing the nape of your neck and forcing you to meet his eyes again.

They were burning holes in your very soul, your eyelids closing instantly to protect the bloody shreds that he had reduced your heart to.

“(y/n), look at me.”

Why had it turned out this way? What had you done so wrong to deserve this?

“Look. At. Me.”

Low, threatening, chilling to the bones. A sound so unlike Dazai that for a moment you feared that it was an evil spirit having you in its hold. You found yourself complying without even being aware of it, your survival instincts forcing you to obey.

“Who am I?”

Your very voice felt like it was fading in the face of an emotional meltdown but whoever this person in front of you was, one look into those dark eyes resembling hell’s abyss you knew better than to remain silent.

“D-Dazai…”

Instantly the hand that had previously rested on the nape of your neck was wrapped around your throat, the grip just tight enough to make you uncomfortable and anxious but not enough to cut off your air supply. A displeased look on his face as he wiggled his index finger much like a scolding teacher.

“What are you supposed to call me? Come on, you’re smarter than this.”

It took your brain painful seconds before it finally retrieved the memory you were searching for, slowed down as it had to fight its way through a river of panic, pain and regret.

“Osamu. You’re Osamu.”

“There we go. That’s better.”

Now his hand ran soothingly through your hair, the contrast of his gentle touch to the way he’d just squeezed your throat seconds ago dizzying.

“Do you want to know how I felt when I found out about your little secret?” he hummed in a condescending tone as he crawled closer to you, slowly pushing you down.

You didn’t want to know yet you only mustered the courage to shake your head weakly, holding your breath to prepare for the next wave of pain to crush you.

“I was jealous,” he confessed, his words and the glimmer of resentment in his eyes eliciting unpleasant sensations within your stomach as if ants were crawling around within your body.

He was jealous of a dead boy.

“Why?”

You couldn’t help the word from slipping out from your lips.

“He’s in my way.”

“How? He’s dead,” you pressed out with as much force as you could, your disbelief guiding you to speak up even if you felt like spitting out blood when you spoke those words.

“He isn’t.”

What?

His hand trailed down your head, snaking over your throat before resting right over your heart, his finger tapping right over the spot where your heart was thumbing against.

“He’s still in there. You’re keeping him alive in your heart. And as long as you do that, I can never have you for myself.”

For a brief second there was a bitterness within his gaze, a silent torment as his finger drummed against your heart as if helplessly pleading for you to let him in. Then it all was smothered underneath a pitch black layer of possessive jealousy as he leaned his head down, a blank expression on his face.

“That’s why I need you to forget him.”

No.

How could he even ask you something so cruel? Forget him? You could never do that.

“I… I can’t,” you choked out, shaking your head, your cheeks itching and burning as your tears kept on sliding down your face.

“You said it yourself, (y/n). He’s dead.”

Agony. There was nothing but grief and sorrow within your heart right now. Memories that used to bring you joy now only amplifying your suffering. When had it began? When had you lost him?

“No,” Dazai growled as he realised that your mind wasn’t focused on him right now, your thoughts escaping to the boy you refused to abandon even in death, “Look at me. Focus on me.”

“Why are you doing this? I-I thought you were-“

“I love you.”

Those words had been living within his heart for quite a while now yet it was in this moment that he couldn’t hold them back. They’d been scratching at his chest the moment you had entered your apartment but only now where you were pressed beneath him did he finally let them escape the constricts of his heart.

First it was shock. Then it was denial. Fragile denial that led you to shake your head. You didn’t want to hear those words. Not from him.

“You-you don’t mean-“

“Oh, I do mean it, (y/n). Don’t you dare to question my feelings.”

He didn't even let you finish your sentences anymore, already tired from your refusal. For months you had dedicated your time to him, for months you had slowly squeezed your way into his heart and now that you had his it was only fair that he had yours too. So he repeated his feelings again, his breath right against the shell of your ear.

"I love you."

The words embedded themselves into your bones, you couldn't even attempt to deny it this time. There was disbelief, there was guilt but beneath all of that was something much worse. A sickening relief that only increased your brooding resentment solely directed against yourself.

There was the spark though, somewhere in the pool of tears swimming around in your eyes Dazai saw that spark that he had been searching for the entire time.

Both of his hands cradled your soaked cheeks, wiping away the tears that were slipping out, the gesture sweet and comforting despite everything he had just done.

"It must have been painful for you those last five years. Constantly agonising over what you could have done better to prevent it, constantly being haunted by the what-if scenarios, unable to close your eyes peacefully without recalling the last moment you two shared together."

Yes, he couldn't even imagine how many nights you had silently cried yourself to sleep and how your inner demons had torn into your heart and soul, mocking you for having failed as a best friend.

"However, there was something even more painful yet so selfish that you didn't even dare to reveal it to anyone else and that you still deny to this day, isn't there?"

Warm lips latched on to your jawline, pressing chaste kisses against it. You didn't push him away, torn apart between two emotions that were like night and day.

"Deep down, somewhere in your heart you couldn't help but wonder why you weren't enough for him, didn't you?"

-

Dull eyes stared at the huge picture that had been framed and placed in a small lake of flowers for the funeral. The smile on his face seemed to mock, harshly reminding you just how little you had actually known about him.

You subtly clenched your fists, your eyes burning with unshed tears, your gaze almost glaring with sorrowful resentment at his face.

He had loved you, hadn't he? Hadn't you been enough? Hadn't you been able to make life worth living at all?

-

"No matter how much you tried to shake off those selfish wishes, a tiny part of you always wondered that if he would have truly loved you then he would have lived for you, would have let you in on his pain. However, instead he chose to take his own life without ever telling you and ever since you have been left with a pit in your heart."

Fingers intertwined with your own, holding your shaky hand in his own and you couldn't help but grab on tightly, craving the reassurance that warmth gave you.

"You want to be loved by someone so much to the point where you can make their life worth living. You crave it. You need it after Hideo's suicide that has left you forever with the insecurities that you weren't enough. The only thing holding you back is your own guilt. But what you need so desperately isn't something that you can find by clinging to his memories."

His chest was smushed against your own, so close that you could actually detect his own frantic heartbeat just as much as he could feel yours.

"You don't need him, (y/n). You need me. And you have me. I'm not like him. I'm still here. From the very first moment we've met you knew that I didn't see meaning in my own existence and ever since you have latched on to me because I'm just the person that you need to feel whole again. I love you and I will live for you. I'm willing to give you everything you wished to receive from him, I'm willing to show you in how much pain I am."

Oh, traitorous heart that fluttered within your chest as you heard his confession. You shouldn't feel this way yet as you gazed into those brown eyes that were begging you silently you couldn't help yourself. You really were sick in your mind, weren't you?

Your free hand went up to his arm, touching the bandages covering his skin. There was a part of you that didn't want to know, that was too scared to face what would be underneath it. However, for some reason you were in this moment not quite as anxious as you had anticipated. Maybe because, as selfish as it sounded, Dazai had suffered long before he had met you, meaning that you wouldn't have to feel guilty and blame yourself for not having done more to help him.

Slowly you started peeling the layers of bandages away, noticing how his grip on your hand tightened softly as if now seeking reassurance in your hold. You gave him one final look, realising that he himself was looking at his loose bandages as if he himself hadn't seen his own bare arm in years before you tugged the white layers away, letting it drop to the floor.

Scars. So many scars. Some long, some short, some vertikal, some horizontal but all of them intentional.

Your heart was crying, this time for him though as you could very well imagine how his other arm and his neck must have looked like if he had already damaged one of his arms so badly.

It was the brief stutter of his breath that snapped your attention back to him. There was a strange look on his face, nostalgia and loneliness visible on his face as his emotions were bleeding through as if removing part of his bandages had removed part of his own grasp of himself.

He hadn't allowed you to dwell in your own darkness though and you wouldn't allow him to do the same.

"It's alright. You're alright. Here, look at me," you whispered softly, stroking his cheek. He let out a shuddering breath when he felt your hand on his cheek, closing his eyes for a moment and relishing in the sensation before he opened them again and his gaze was focused on you.

"I love you," he whispered, pressing needy kisses against the inside of your wrist. This time you allowed your heart to swell when you heard it, trying to ignore your guilt this time around.

"I... I love you too, Osamu."

A love arrow straight through his heart.

There may have still been some hesitation, some tiny nagging voice of doubt but that didn't change the fact that you had been sincere with him.

You loved him. And you always would because only someone like him could give you the love that you craved and needed.

Warm lips quickly met yours in a needy and desperate kiss, his hand sliding underneath your head and pushing you closer, greedily devouring your lips with his own. Initial surprise slowly melted away as his lips moved against yours, your fingers running through his brown hair which triggered him to let out a loving sigh, enjoying your touch.

A low whine escaped you when you found yourself running low on air, your fingers tugging at the soft locks of curly hair to let him know that you needed to breathe. He didn't react, drawing the kiss out for a few long seconds more before he pulled away, panting softly as he pressed another kiss against your lips, quick and sweet this time.

Quickly his lips found themselves on your neck as if the taste of your skin was addictive, both of his hands tracing along the curves of your body before sliding underneath your shirt, his fingers gliding over your stomach before being met with your bra.

The tips of his fingers tickled over your ribs, causing you to shudder a bit before they dug into your back, trying to unclasp your bra. For yet another brief moment you felt that familiar guilt holding you again, something he noticed as well as he froze together with you, dread bubbling up in the pit of his stomach for one short eternity.

Only when you arched your back up, silently allowing him to do as he wanted did he relax, pressing a long grateful kiss against your throat as his nimble fingers quickly undid your bra.

Only when he swiftly pulled your shirt and your bra away within one move did he separate from you, brown eyes darting over your nude upper body, drinking in the bewitching sight of you beneath him, so willing, so in love with him.

A soft sigh left his lips when your own hands started tugging at his shirt as you lifted your body up a bit, pressing a few kisse against his jawline as you returned the favor, his own hands joining you as he eagerly helped you until only the bandages covered parts of his upper body.

His head dug down, pressing reverent kisses all over your stomach, his lips traveling slowly upwards before his hot breath hit the sensitive flesh of your breasts. Your hands tightened into subtle fists reflexively, your heart fluttering in anticipation, your nipples already hardened from anticipation.

A soft moan spilled out of you when his lips finally wrapped around one of your sensitive nubs, his tongue twirling around the protruding flesh all whilst his other hand squeezed your other tit, his thumb playing around with your other nipple. The hand in his hair tightened, pulling him closer to your chest, encouraging him to keep going.

Your chest was tingling with pleasure you had never experienced by playing with yourself, some of that pleasure seeping into your lower belly.

Then he suddenly bit down. A jolt of sudden pain and pleasure shot through your sensitive chest, a hiss leaving your lips as your hand suddenly yanked at his brown hair.

Hundreds of little stings scratched his scalp, tickling some part of his brain just the right way where he felt a pleasant shudder going down his spine. A lusty groan of surprise left him, his hips bucking forward with the feeling.

"You... you little minx," he panted against your chest, the pleasurable stings still lingering on his scalp, the buzz still there in his mind as he switched sides, his tongue lapping around your other nipple and coating it in his spit.

"You're one to talk," you retorted with a groan, feeling the outline of his hardening cock against your clothed pussy. A needy pulse started making itself known in your pussy, slickness gathering as you started getting wet as he slowly started rutting against you like some pathetic dog.

Throaty grunts and moans left you as you reciprocated the movement of his hips, thrusting your hips upward to meet his own as both of you were grinding against the other. He could feel the heat of your pussy even through the layers of clothes separating the two of you, his own cock already straining against the material of his pants, begging to be released and swallowed by that inviting heat. His hips pressed down, trapping your own against him and the futon beneath you as he put his entire weight on top of you, more force now behind the way he grinded against your clothed sex, his pants getting faster as he tugged on your nipple with his teeth, the delicious pull on his hair only increasing.

A disappointed whine tore through your throat when the stimulation on one of your nipples was gone though it quickly turned into excitement when both of his hands trailed down to your hips, playing around with the button of your trousers.

It took more willpower than needed to keep his hips from jerking forward, his cock longing for stimulation as he pulled your trousers down, one of his hands squeezing the fat on the inside of your thighs whilst one of his fingers snuck beneath the material of your panties.

"Hmm~ Wet. You're already so wet, so needy for me my darling," he purred, his digit caressing the outline of your inner lips. The feeling of the heat and the slick had his manhood pulsing with need, his mind already delving into thoughts of inching himself into your warm and welcoming pussy.

He had to be patient for just a bit longer though.

One single, long finger hooked itself into the hem of your panties, pulling it agonisingly slow down which had you bite your lips in frustration. He was just playing with you right now.

Your panties pooled at your ankles uselessly as his finger slowly traced over your pussy, gathering the wetness that was seeping out of you, enjoying the little twitches your legs and body did when he rubbed over your clitoris.

"Osamu, please..." you groaned, bucking your hips slowly up, your cunt clenching with the need to be filled.

"Please what, darling?" he cooed sweetly, pressing a kiss against the swell of your breast.

"Please stop teasing me."

The tinge of embarrassment that coiled somewhere within your stomach didn't deter you much even as you started pleading for him to stop toying with you.

"You look cute when you beg," he chuckled adoringly, pressing a kiss against your nose as he started easing one of his fingers into your wet hole. Deep breaths exited your parted lips, your walls welcoming the intrusion of his digit eagerly as they sucked him in.

They were bony and long, reaching far into you and you let out a shaky breath when you felt his finger curling inside of you, the sharper edges of his bent joins rubbing deliciously against your hot and sensitive nerves.

"More please," you begged sweetly, your hand tugging his head closer as you pressed a wanting kiss against his lips. He reciprocated, lips curling into a smirk.

"So greedy," he gasped playfully in between the kisses, the theatrical impression of shock only slightly undermined by the feeling of another long finger pushing into you, stretching you out further, the feeling causing you to let out an appreciative moan into the kiss. When he added only seconds later a third finger into your wet channel you couldn't stop your hips from bucking against the long digits inside.

"You're so impatient. Look at you, so desperate to get fucked by my fingers," he crooned with that same sweet grin on his face, his thumb pressing against your throbbing clitoris which elicited your hips to jerk up once again. A muffled moan spilled past your lips as you started humping against his hand, low moans escaping you as long fingers scissored you open, slowly stretching you out as his thumb rubbed over your sensitive nub, stimulating you even more.

He could reach so much deeper than you, finger joints pressing against deeper parts of your vagina, his hand getting soiled in your juices.

You missed his fingers the moment he pulled them out, shooting him a frustrated glance which only seemed to amuse him more as he tilted his head with that grin on his face.

"Don't stop," you begged, your voice somewhere in between a groan and a whimper, your legs willingly spreading wider apart when you felt his hands squishing the soft inside of your thighs. He lowered his body between your legs, his tongue darting greedily over his lip as he saw what a soaked mess you'd become.

"I've barely started," he muttered as he pressed a kiss against your clit. Both of your hands reached out for his hair as you needed something to hold on to, especially once that long and squirmy muscle lapped up your juices, tracing over your clit and teasing the outside of your leaking hole.

"Osamu..."

The moment that wriggly tongue made its way inside of you your thighs clamped around him, pressing his head closer to your wet pussy as your hips started bucking and grinding against his face, the new sensation sending liquid pleasure down your spine. Soft moans escaped you with every breath by now, chasing after your high whilst smothering him between your thighs and against your slick womanhood.

If his muffled grunts and moans as well as the way his own hips bucked needily forward, desperately searching some kind of friction as well were anything to go by you knew that he was enjoying this as much as you were.

You felt the coil within you tighten, your moans increasing in quantity as your hands pulled on his brown locks harder, letting him know that you were getting close. His own quick pants fawned against your sensitive clit, his cock weeping with pre-cum as if begging him for release too. His fingers dug into the flesh of your thighs to restrain himself and the moment your thighs suddenly tightened in a chokehold around him and a gush of liquid stained his chin he let out a choked moan alongside with your own wail. If he would have been less of a man he wasn't sure if he would have been able to stop himself from cumming in his pants like an overeager teen.

His chest was heaving, his tongue cleaning your pussy before swiping around his own mouth, the taste of you an aphrodisiac that only had more pre-cum leaking out of the tip of his cock. The strained material of his own pants was almost painful by now.

You were still recovering from your orgasm when you heard Dazai unbuckling his pants with quick fingers before doing the same with his his underwear. Once his cock sprang to freedom he almost let out a sigh of relief, the tip of his manhood red and swollen with beads of pre-cum leaking out of it.

Your eyes watched his stiff member in anticipation but also mild nervousness, something Dazai quickly took notice of.

"Nervous?" he asked playfully though he still watched you carefully.

"It's my first time. Of course I'm somewhat nervous," you admitted, hating how bashful he got for a short moment.

"You're a virgin," he groaned, pressing hot kisses on your shoulders.

"You didn't know that I'm a virgin?" you asked flabbergasted.

"I knew.It's just that hearing you say that makes me want to fuck you so badly," he confessed in a slightly more husky tone, peppering your neck and your lips with kisses as he slowly positioned yourself. You tensed in need and some fear as well when you felt the tip of his cock dragging over your wetness before resting right over your clenching entrance.

“Don’t worry~I’ll make sure that what you’re about to lose is going to be worth it.”

With this promise he slowly eased himself inside of you, every inch disappearing inside of you. One of your hands came to wrap around his neck. Even though you'd already been fucked by his fingers and his tongue the feeling of his long cock entering you was still different, unfamiliar in a way where you couldn't tell just yet if you fully liked it or not.

Dazai on the other hand couldn't help the pathetic throaty moans leaving him as he got sucked deeper and deeper inside of you. Your warm walls were clenching already around his length, fondly remembering the orgasm his tongue had just given you and already eager for more.

His hand grabbed your own, squeezing it as he was emerged into feelings and sensations of such intensity and warmth that he was unfamiliar with. The other bandage of his arm loosened around his skin as he rested his forehead against yours for a few moments, trying to give you as well as himself time to get used to all the new things both of you were experiencing at the moment.

The sheer depth of his emotions had you choke on your breath when you opened your eyes once you started to get used to him completely sheated inside of you.

Long fingers locked with yours as a strange look of vulnerability suddenly overcame him, his own walls getting slowly stripped down now that both of you were connected physically in the most intimate way possible.

"I'll never let you leave me after tonight," he spoke, promised, with raw emotions, pressing one final kiss against your lips before he started moving, his shaft dragging out of you before sinking in balls deep, th sound of skin slapping against skin filling the small apartment.

Muffled moans, grunts and groans echoed through every room, his lips not leaving yours as if he needed you to breathe. Your nails dug into his bandages, your own hips eagerly meeting his own as both of you chased after your pleasure.

His own heart seemed to swell with each thrust that bathed you and him in addictive bliss, threatening to burst with so many feelings he didn't even knew he was capable of feeling.

In his past he had always wondered what heaven was like if there even was such a thing after death to begin with.

In this moment however he knew that his heaven was right here with you. Connected with you in body and spirit, your love right in his tight grasp as both of you indulged in each other he felt so good that it felt like he might die.

A heart that had only known emptiness for its entire life was suddenly filled to the brim with a warmth that almost parched him from the inside out yet he knew he'd throw himself willingly into those flames for the rest of his life.

"Yo- ooh~ you're getting close, aren't you?" he moaned against your lips, noticing your muscles taut to their limits, your walls almost feeling like they were trying to suck him in even deeper.

"Y-yes~" you whimpered out needily the second he interrupted his kiss to let you take a short breath, your fingers digging into his bandages as you felt that familiar coil within you tightened to its limit as his cock slid in and out of you, reaching even deeper within you, the tip of his head always perfectly abusing that one bundle of nerves within you over and over.

"Then cum. Cum around my cock."

You didn't know if he was trying to mock you or if he was begging you and perhaps not even Dazai knew clearly in that moment. It didn't matter in the end though as you felt the coil snapping once more, molten pleasure combusting within you as you shouted his name amidst your bliss.

The bandages around his neck were ripped off, your fingers removing them as you climaxed once more, revealing more scars on his skin and leaving him for the first time in years completely bare in front of someone. They unraveled much like the man who had worn them, his hips stuttering, his breath hitching, his balls tightening before he shoved himself inside of you. A low moan rumbled in his throat, his mind exploding with white bliss as he coated your insides with hot and sticky cum, hoping to fill you up even just a little bit just as you had filled his heart.

[theohshit-r-official]

Long-as-hell OOC post incoming

So, I feel I should probably clarify this, on account of shit going on in the zeitgeist re: Lancer RP on here, and because I and this blog am not an entrenched figure in the community here, so it pays to be as clear as possible what I am here for:

First, let me clarify: this is not about anyone in particular, and god knows I'm guilty of not doing some of the shit I'm going to recommend here. Second, this is, in addition to not being about any one person but instead the different microcultural elements I've noticed on here, mostly a post to explain what *I* am going for with this blog so that *YOU* can decide if or how you want to engage with it and me.

The primary purpose of this blog is as follows and as I will elaborate on here:

To serve as a place for people to dump their shitposts, serious opinions, and in-world takes they don't necessarily want to put out via an established character blog or their main in a more centralized place. This means I WILL publish most shit people send, even if some of the implications are not so great, though I won't publish some of the more egregious shit on account of it sucks. See this article [LINK HERE] for an example of something similar being done by a real world political figure (notably, a known inspiration for the Ungratefuls' Tyrannocleave) for a much better purpose than mine.

This ALSO means I will likely be publishing from people not immersed in the community or party to your established norms. I understand that online spaces largely run on reputation, but I, out of character as well as to some extent in, am an academic and I'm pretty well informed of both positive and negative consequences of this, and this is an intentional choice. DM me or send an ask labeled as OOC if you want to talk about this, I'm happy to discuss it, I'm just not likely to change my stance on it on account of "This is a heavily established, pretty well-researched concept in human social dynamics" so don't expect me to change what I'm doing from the jump. With that being said, let's lay out the motivation a bit:

Part of the appeal of LANCER that was explicitly intentionally designed by its creators is that there are both large structures of recalcitrant, sticky politics (see: Albatross hunts pirates, a group known to exist largely due to economic suffering, for a megacorp that sells weapons to pirates; the KTB is required to maintain an absurd level of extractive industry by Union, which favors their most abjectly fucking awful major house politically; etc) that serve as a shared bedrock for engagement and are pointedly shitty as hell *AND* large swathes of space where you can largely do pretty much whatever you want and have things be as good or as bad as you want so long as you avoid having them be run directly and heavy-handedly by the major players (as a brief sidebar, if you want an example of someone doing an excellent job of navigating the intersection of the larger players and the open, freer space and a damn good homebrew module, I highly recommend Vex Werewolf's In Golden Flame Act 1 [LINK HERE]). LANCER is a game where both the narrative impetus and mechanics are intrinsically tied to political context and dynamics, and the way LANCER allows for space from that for players and GMs is to have a lot of literal space unaccounted for.

The implication of this, of course, is that it is intended to be an equally valid mode of enjoyment to get really into the weeds of the established politics (hello, Siren Song, cannot WAIT to play an idiot in you and see how you break her) OR to not do that and avoid it entirely, but, and this is key, you cannot really feasibly do both at once reliably at scale without a lot of care and awareness, and I do not think that that is a reasonable expectation to have of total strangers on Tumblr. The official Discord community for this game has a rule to the effect of "Do not use your comfort to stifle political discussion unless ABSOLUTELY necessary" (very, very roughly paraphrased), and instead encourages disengaging from shit you do not want to deal with. To give an example of how that translates to practical domains, in the context of the game, if you didn't want to have to deal with Harrison culture, you wouldn't play a game on Ras Shamra, so why would you choose to pursue a conversation with someone playing a proud character from Ras Shamra on here if you don't want to hear what that character would say?

A lot of the conflict on here seems to stem from people being frustrated with people from one side of the aisle or the other interacting with them without establishing rules of engagement and/or where they stand on "I want to enjoy a sci-fi power fantasy without thinking too much about the implications" versus "I really want to dig in on the psyche of a proud Harrison soldier," both of which are equally valid ways to engage with the setting and the game. They come into conflict in no small part because many people in the prior category are expressly interested in using the mechanics of a mecha setting to tell a mostly feel-good story without the political meat and grit of the original setting materials, which, I'll especially note, is not something people coming from other mecha contexts are likely to expect. This means that you have a conflict between people interested in one mode of engagement (which, if I had to guess, comes more frequently from a general tabletop gaming background) and others interested in a very different mode of engagement coming from differing backgrounds, including but not limited to the broader world of mecha fans.

(NOTE: I am not saying that these groups are totally distinct or that this is the sole reason conflict happens, I'm just trying to give a more fleshed out example for people who are less familiar with the draw of the grit. I think the mecha community is a good example for this, as it is both something that a lot of people are peripheral to AND a cultural context a lot of people really don't understand from the outside)

Let me elaborate a little here on where the mecha side of things is coming from, for those of you less familiar. The arguable single most influential piece of mecha media in much of the world (Neon Genesis Evangelion) is in part an express exploration of the ethics of military recruitment and the use of child soldiers. The fact that this piece of media has recently been used to sell McDonald's does not change that weight in the culture of mecha media, nor does it change that, historically, mecha is a genre about war. The most prolific mecha series by far is Gundam, whose villains famously have a point and whose protagonists infamously tend to develop through deeply traumatic realizations that they may not be the unambiguous good guys they thought they were. Mecha media, on the whole, pointedly cultivates a strong sense of engagement in setting geopolitics, the ethics and process of war, and the role of individuals as vehicles of violence, and people coming from a heavy mecha background are likely to be invested in exploring these themes.

That being said, I totally respect wanting to engage with it from another angle, but you can see how people wanting a more free-form, canon-lite experience and people who are coming from a mecha background looking for the nitty gritty of the established, shared setting could come into conflict, particularly when it comes to making claims about established parts of the setting. Of course, in character conflict is fine and well and dandy if that's what you're going for, no shame in that, this is more to do with the out of character aspects, including how you respond to and handle in character conflict.

Here's the thing: this dichotomy of interest does not favor a single, fully connected network of people heavily interacting. It does not favor a community with a single set of hard norms. It favors a lot of individual level variation, it favors many smaller sets of norms between individuals, and it favors good communication about those differences. I am aligned with the creators of LANCER in that I think both approaches to engaging with the material have value, and I want there to be space for both here, and I agree with them that the two are not always compatible. To preserve space for both, we need to prioritize curating our own experience over policing others', which, I know, shocking that the person who linked Anarchists Welcome would make a statement about taking an anarchistic approach to maintaining a stable, healthy social context which allows for conflict.

This is one of the reasons that I, in running this blog, have consciously chosen to almost exclusively respond to other people's posts who I actually have spoken to out of character, despite Umommiest being an extremely vocal HORUS shitposter, because I often cannot tell from character blogs what their relationship to the shared text is and their interest in different modes of interaction. This is ALSO why I'm going to be fairly indiscriminate in publishing asks and submissions, and only have Umommiest respond to what gets sent in when either prompted directly by the material or when it is plainly a shitpost that allows for some play (see also: the 8 year old seeking liberation via artillery platform and soft target elimination frames). As is quite well known in the kink community, consent does not occur in character, and personal norms and interests should be established outside of them. If there is a character blog on here that you have concerns about or want to interact with but are unsure how to proceed, DM them and check in, the same way that you would talk to someone if you wanted to join a game of pickup basketball or something. This is a social activity, social activities have fairly well established means by which to initiate them in a more intentional manner, let's make a point to start using them more consistently.

With that being said, if there is a character blog that you do not want to see, block them. There will be characters that people choose to play that you personally A will not like and B may not wish to engage with. Use the curation tools you have rather than relying on norms all the time, as norms develop from consensus and require other people to change to work. You don't have to put it on others to tailor your experience. I will go somewhere else rather than deal with somebody I don't want to talk to at a bar, and this is a similar sort of interaction. Blocking is not a condemnation, it is a choice to not engage with someone or something you do not want to. On my end, I will be doing my best to consistently tag in-character posts, reblogs, etc with ohshitumommiest going forward so you can block the tag as described here [LINK HERE] if you want to see what people are submitting without any of Umommiest's commentary, responses, etc. I'm also thinking I'll move towards initially publishing even the shitpostier things without commentary and then following up with a reblog with the commentary (so if you want to see just what other people make and not her bullshit, that's cool, too).

For the record, I *am* personally interested in the politics of the setting and Umommiest is a character that is heavily written based on the canon. She is also, frankly, a HORUS shitposter of the highest and worst degree, if you can't tell from her demeanor, and will engage with people who comment in character on posts here as would reflect a highly informed, terminally online political agitator with no formal affiliation to anyone who sees all of her speech as largely without personal consequence. Part of the purpose of the ohshitumommiest tag is to allow you to engage with the submitted material without having to see if and how she replies to you if you are not interested in that. If you are, hey! Looking forward to having some fun together with this horrible girl I've made!

Frankly, I don't care where you fall on the spectrum/split of hard text engagement versus loose text as inspiration, but I do care that everyone has an outlet for shitposts and other art/thought pieces on the setting that they think are gold or at least fun but don't have a place for personally. I think Lancer fucking rules, and people have a lot of cool, funny, and beautiful thoughts and ideas on it regardless of affiliation on these grounds, and I want to make this a place to share them without too much worry of how they fit a given blog.

If that nondiscriminatory approach to publishing is unacceptable to you, cool, I don't care, block this blog. Maybe read the linked article first and see if that helps you see a different perspective a little, but, please, use the basic curation tools available to you on this site to help maintain a diverse community that reflects the varied appeal of LANCER's setting.

With that said, play ball, and I'm looking forward to continuing to see the awesome, wild, wonky, and frankly unhinged shit this community continues to create!

PS: if you want to anonymously publish something with a link or an image via this blog, please DM me and I will effectively spoof a submission so your blog does not have to be attached. You run the risk of me knowing that you sent it, but it doesn't get broadcast to the world.

PPS I know that there are some other folks on here who engage with other LANCER online communities (e.g., the official Discord) who share much of the opinions I expressed here, particularly the "Hey there are different, conflicting way to enjoy the setting, and having some understanding around that is healthy for the community" stance, so feel free to share this around as you like.

[dlstmxkakwldrlarchive]

(article) SHINee's ONEW hopes to make people happy with his songs

Singer Onew of popular K-pop group SHINee has been deeply thinking about happiness, a theme that heavily influenced his latest release."I think it's wonderful to be someone who can have a positive impact on others and make them happy," he said during an interview Thursday with a group of reporters.

"It's a great merit that I can lift someone's mood. When people tell me they've been comforted by my songs, it feels like I'm truly living," he said.

This introspection led to the creation of his third individual EP, "Flow," a departure from his previous albums -- his first solo album, "Voice" (2018), second EP titled "Dice" (2022) and first full-length solo album, "Circle," (2023) -- which centered primarily on his distinctive voice and emotional expression.

Instead, "Flow," due out Tuesday at 6 p.m., is designed to resonate more broadly with the public, featuring songs that are easy to follow and enjoy together.The album is led by "Beat Drum," an upbeat pop track characterized by "kitsch" vocals in the chorus and a synth melody, according to promotional material from his label, Griffin Entertainment. The lyrics compare the feeling of a racing heart to the rhythm of a drum beat.

Also included are five B-side tracks, all of which maintain a bright and cheerful tone.

"I wanted to become closer to the public, so I put a lot of effort into making songs that are easy to follow," the 34-year-old explained. He also tailored the choreography to be accessible, allowing more people to catch on after just one viewing. "I hope even those who don't know me can feel a bit of positive energy," he added.

Onew stressed that while his unique voice and emotional depth will continue to be central to his music, his current focus is on expanding his positive influence.

The vocalist also has a goal of creating his own performance brand.

"I think a concert becomes richer and more enjoyable when many people can immerse themselves in it and have fun together. I want to create an atmosphere where it's not just a performance by me, but an experience where everyone can play together," he shared.

After taking a hiatus of over 10 months due to health issues, Onew returned to the stage in May.

During the break, the vocalist had the opportunity to attend a Coldplay concert in the United States.

"I loved the excitement and anticipation that I felt while waiting for the show," he said, expressing hope that audiences would experience the same thrill at his concerts.

Performing in front of fans and reuniting with his bandmates were what he missed the most as he recovered from neck surgery. He lost so much weight after the surgery, making his fans feel concerned and worried about his health.

"Now, I'm in great shape. In fact, I'm so well that it's almost a problem," he said with a laugh.

He spent a lot of time traveling to places like the U.S., Japan, and Austria during the break, giving himself the space to think deeply on his own.

"While traveling, I learned how to fail. There was a time when I tried to catch a train during a typhoon and ended up sitting on the platform for six hours. Sometimes, things just don't work out. But I realized that you can always try again later. That was the biggest lesson I learned."

After this realization, Onew changed his attitude about performing. He used to believe he couldn't go on stage unless he was 100 percent perfect, but now he's more open to taking risks.

This new attitude led him to boldly take on producing for the first time while working on this album.

"I challenged myself by getting involved in producing, selecting demo tracks, trying out different ideas, and communicating with writers to incorporate my thoughts into the songs. It was a big challenge, but it was a fun experience," he recalled.

Onew also tried his hand at rapping for the first time.

"I was debating whether to use more melody or try rapping," he said.

He thought rapping might work, so he gave it a shot, and fortunately, it turned out well.

"This new challenge has become a great motivation for me," he said.

He has also started taking guitar lessons recently because he wants to play during his concerts.

"I read somewhere that singer Lee Hyori said she started learning something new and that in 10 years, she could become an expert. So I thought, 'It's not too late. If I start now, I could be playing in 10 years too.'"

[sarahjtv]

My Hero Academia is Officially Ending and I'm Fucking Coping 😭

So, it was officially announced early today, June 24th, 2024, by Shueshia and mangaka, Kohei Horikoshi, that My Hero Academia/Boku no Hero Academia will officially end in 5 chapters on Chapter 430. The last chapter will be released at the beginning of August after 10 years of publication in Weekly Shonen Jump magazine if all goes well.

I woke up to this news. I'm sitting here on my laptop typing this as a way of coping tbh. On the outside, I'm numb and stunned. On the inside, I'M SCREAMING, CRYING, THROWING UP, MOURNING LIKE I LOST A LOVED ONE WTF 😭

*sigh* But, this was going to happen eventually. It was only a matter of when. When Horikoshi said that we would have more epilogue to cover, I thought "Maybe he'll give us 10 more chapters!" Turns out it is 6-7 chapters instead... In Horikoshi's defense, 6-7 chapters are much longer than what most mangaka have given us for epilogues to their stories. I'd rather have him give us 5 more chapters of an epilogue than rush it in 1-2. Plus, if possible, we could potentially get 19-20 pages per chapter which might be just enough to wrap everything up. And since final chapters of manga tend to be longer than usual, we could get extra pages in the last chapter to finish everyone's arcs and the story properly.

Still, it's so wild to see a series I have loved for years and have such a strong attachment to end as I am following it. I have been a part of many fandoms before and have stuck around them for years (Pokémon, Supernatural, Doctor Who, Breaking Bad, and many more), but it's not often that I've been there there to see a series come to it's conclusion. Sometimes that can turn out well (Breaking Bad) and other times I've seen it end badly (Supernatural; only read about it and it was not great. I bounced after season 13? and I am so sorry to the fandom). My Hero Academia is one of the very few series I will see through to the end.

I'm really coping here, honestly. I've been a fan of My Hero Academia since 2018. I first heard about the series randomly through the internet, but I didn't fully introduce myself to it until I listened to a cover of The Day on YouTube (I forget the artist, I'm so sorry). I thought the song was so cool and that led to me listening to more covers of MHA OPs (Peace Sign is still GOATed btw). This eventually led me to the manga and the anime where I became truly immersed in the series. I started reading the manga around the Joint Training Arc (I think) which was definitely an interesting time to read the manga because the chapters where so short due to Horikoshi dealing with health and I think moving conflicts at the time. It was still an enjoyable arc and enough to keep me interested in reading from the beginning. I want to say I started the anime around season 3?, but I started at the beginning and worked my way up from there. "Shoto Todoroki: Origin" was the episode that finally solidified my love for the series and is still my favorite episode of the series.

To say that MHA has an important place in my heart is an understatement. (⚠️Warning: very quick mention of suicide) I was very sad and depressed in the latter half of 2018. My life didn't feel like it was going anywhere and I was close to giving up entirely. (⚠️ ). Finding and loving MHA during that time honestly might have saved my life. As strange as it sounds, it was one of the few things that brought me genuine happiness at the time. I had something to look forward to every week and it was thrilling. I still remember debating whether Deku or Shoto was my favorite character. Shoto took the top spot in my heart, but Deku is a very close second 🩵💚.

Seeing MHA end is heartbreaking, honestly. I'm watching something I truly love come to an end. We'll still have the anime, movies, and spin-off series to keep us busy for the next few years, but the manga that started it all is coming to a close. It feels so, so surreal. God, is this how the Haikyuu fandom felt when it’s manga ended? My hope is that this fandom can be kept alive long after the series is over. The MHA fandom DEFINITELY has it's flaws, but it also has a lot of good in it too. I have seen incredible art and fanfics come from this fandom. I have laughed and hyped up some of the best moments of MHA with people who love it too. I know that the fandom is collectively mourning its end and I know we'll all cry bittersweet tears when it ends. If anything, I am glad to see Kohei Horikoshi end his momentous story on his own terms. I hope it ends up being one of the best manga endings in recent Shonen Jump like how Haikyuu's was. I think Horikoshi can do it. Regardless of how it ends, My Hero Academia will be one of my favorite pieces of fiction. I am really glad to be here to celebrate it.

[ivyprayedtoday]

Chapter Seven: The Calm Before the Storm (Sabo x Reader)

Chapter Seven: The Calm Before the Storm Warnings: Mildly Suggestive Chapter Six: The Weight We Carry Chapter Eight: Between the Lines

The room was quiet except for the soft rustle of turning pages. Sunlight streamed in through the window, casting golden beams across shelves brimming with vibrant-colored books. The gentle glow pooled in the center of the room, where [Name] sat, a book cracked open on her lap. She was fully immersed, her eyes dancing with excitement as she devoured the story before her, the world around her momentarily forgotten. “What are you reading, [Name]?” came a familiar voice, light and teasing.

Reluctantly breaking away from her book, [Name] glanced up to find a certain redhead standing in the doorway, arms crossed, lips curved in a playful pout. “Koala,” [Name] replied, a smile tugging at her lips. “I’m reading that book you found the other day.”

Koala groaned dramatically, striding further into the room with one hand pressed over her head. “You mean the one that attacked me? The book that fell off the shelf and gave me a bump the size of a cannonball?” [Name] laughed softly, the sound bright and genuine, as she turned the book toward Koala like a prized treasure. “Your sacrifice wasn’t in vain, I promise. This book is amazing! The romance alone is worth the lump on your head.”

Koala huffed, but her expression softened at the sight of [Name]'s clear enjoyment. “I guess I’m a hero, then,” she muttered, sitting beside [Name] and peeking curiously at the pages. “If it’s that good, maybe I should give it a read too… when I’m not risking my life for it.”

[Name] smirked and nudged her gently. “You’re braver than most, Koala. Not everyone could endure such peril in the name of literature.”

Koala scoffed but snatched the book from [Name]’s hands, flipping through the pages. “No wonder you’re so glued to this thing. It’s so… passionate.” Her eyes scanned a passage, brow twitching. “Wait, all of this happens in the garden? They couldn’t wait to make it to their room?”

[Name] wore a devious grin, leaning closer. “It was an emergency. His hands were tied.”

Koala shot her a suspicious look. “From what I’m reading, her hands were the tied ones.”

Before [Name] could fire back, the door creaked open, and both of them froze like guilty children. Sabo stood in the doorway, balancing a stack of papers in one hand and raising an eyebrow at the scene.

Startled, both women jumped. In their flurry to hide the book, Koala shoved it behind her back, unintentionally pushing [Name] in the process. The sudden motion sent [Name] tipping backward in her chair, flailing before hitting the ground with a thud.

Sabo blinked, his gaze darting between them. “Are you two… okay?”

[Name], still sprawled on the floor, groaned while Koala offered an innocent smile, clutching the book behind her back. “We’re great! Why wouldn’t we be?”

Sabo raised an eyebrow but didn’t press. “Uh-huh,” he said, clearly unconvinced. “So, [Name], are you just going to lay there or are you going to get up?”

Luckily for [Name], the fallen chair shielded her from Sabo’s view, sparing her the embarrassment of unintentionally flashing him. She sat up carefully, tugging her skirt back into place before rising to her feet. Dusting herself off, she gave the chair an accusing glare as if it were to blame for her predicament.

“Next time, you get the chair,” [Name] grumbled to Koala, though the reluctant smile tugging at her lips betrays her supposed ‘frustration.’

Sabo eyed the two of them suspiciously as he walked into the room, a stack of papers balanced in his arms. Koala, still clutching the book tightly behind her back, smiled a little too brightly.

“We’re great!” she chirped again, inching subtly toward the chair as if that would hide her better.

Sabo didn’t buy it for a second. He glanced at Koala, noticed her oddly rigid posture, and let out a small sigh, pretending he didn’t see the way her arms were awkwardly curled behind her. “Uh-huh. Completely normal, I’m sure.”

[Name] bit her lip to keep from laughing, already amused by Koala’s desperation.

“Well,” Sabo continued smoothly, finally approaching them, “as long as you two are done with your antics…” He set the stack of papers down on the table with a dull thud, grabbing both their attention. “These are the newspapers I collected regarding that last mission. I figured we should all take a look at the reports.”

At the mention of their work, [Name] straightened up, a curious glint in her eyes. Koala quickly shuffled to the table, desperate to shift focus away from the book. “Right, the newspapers! Very important!” she said enthusiastically, forcing her attention to the papers.

Sabo gave her a fleeting smirk but didn’t say anything. His eyes darted briefly to the book she’d not so subtly dropped into her lap under the table. Without missing a beat, he began talking. “Most of the articles focus on the fallout. Some are questioning the Revolutionary Army’s involvement, but others…” In a swift, practiced motion, Sabo snatched the book right out of Koala’s hands mid-sentence. “...are just speculating.”

Koala froze.

“Wait! Give that back!” she screeched, lunging for the book.

Sabo stepped back with an infuriatingly calm expression, holding the book high out of her reach. He thumbed through the pages casually as if he weren’t fending off a panicked Koala. [Name], on the other hand, was doubled over in her chair, clutching her stomach as she roared with laughter.

Koala turned to her in betrayal. “Why are you laughing?! Help me!”

Sabo, still flipping through, raised an eyebrow. “You know, for the longest time, I thought [Name] was the only pervert in this group.”

Koala spluttered her face a furious shade of red. “I—It’s not my fault! It fell on my head, and [Name] was showing it to me!”

[Name], tears in her eyes, grinned wickedly. “Specifically page 305. You’ll thank me later.”

Sabo paused mid-turn, flicking a skeptical glance between the two of them. He flipped to the indicated page, his brow furrowing as he scanned the words, only for his expression to freeze completely. A beat of silence passed. Then, with an audible thud, Sabo closed the book.

[Name] couldn’t breathe, her laughter echoing off the walls. “Was it too much for you, Blondie?” she teased, barely able to get the words out.

Koala exhaled, finally calming down. “You’re as guilty as me, now.”

Sabo lightly tapped [Name]’s head with the book, shaking his head in disappointment. “You’re hopeless, [Name], you know that?”

[Name]’s hands shot to the book, gripping it. “Then give it back if you can’t handle it.”

“Nope,” Sabo said, tugging it away from her. “This is evidence. Dangerous contraband, clearly.”

[Name] grinned ear to ear. “Well, I guess I have a whole library of weapons at my disposal.” 

Sabo gave her a deadpan look. “This is an addiction. You need some serious help.”

“It’s just a book, Blondie,” [Name] replied with a dismissive wave. “Right, Koala?”

Koala, standing off to the side, simply shrugged, clearly uninterested in participating in the conversation.

Sabo raised an eyebrow, clearly unamused. “Just a book? You’ve got a whole library of ‘just books’ in here.” He flicked through the pages one more time, shaking his head. “Honestly, I can’t believe I’m even touching this.”

[Name] leaned in, a teasing smirk on her face. “So, you’re saying you don’t enjoy a little... passion in your life?” She arched an eyebrow, her voice lowering with mock innocence. 

Sabo’s eyes darted to her briefly, and for a split second, there was a hint of something in his gaze. His lips twitched, but he quickly masked it with a cough, shifting his weight uncomfortably. “What’s that supposed to mean?” But then, as [Name] continued, his expression faltered.

“If memory serves, you’ve come back to the base pretty late a few times, all messy hair and crumpled clothes.”

Sabo’s gaze dropped to the papers in his hands, his posture stiffening slightly. He forced a casual shrug, but the flicker of discomfort passed over his face. “’m not sure what you’re implying,” he muttered, his tone dropping just slightly as if he were trying to distance himself from the thought.

[Name] cut him off with a dramatic gasp. “Oh, I’m not implying anything, Blondie. Just thought I should mention it.”

Koala, who had been quietly observing the entire exchange, suddenly cleared her throat. “Yeah, Sabo, I’ve noticed you’ve been coming back late too. Messy hair, clothes everywhere... and you’re always so out of breath.” She gave [Name] a sly smile, clearly enjoying the teasing.’

Sabo’s eyes widened, then narrowed in on Koala. “Oh, come on. You too?” he groaned, his cheeks flushing further.

[Name] leaned back in her chair, slightly arching her back, crossing her arms with an exaggerated air of innocence. “It’s not like we’re making any accusations, right, Koala? Just... mentioning things we’ve observed.”

Sabo’s eyes flicked toward her for a moment longer than he intended, noticing the way she shifted, the casual yet confident way she leaned back.

Koala snickered, folding her arms and tapping her chin thoughtfully. “I mean, you are always the last one to come back from patrols. It’s a little suspicious, don’t you think?”

Sabo glanced between the two of them, his usual confidence slipping away. “You’re both impossible,” he muttered, trying to ignore the teasing. “I’m telling you, it’s just... business. You know, the kind that requires getting my clothes dirty and... being out late.”

Koala raised an eyebrow. “Is that what they’re calling it now? Hmm, seems like Sabo’s a little too defensive for it to be ‘just business.’ Maybe there’s more to his ‘dirty work’ than we thought.”

[Name] clapped her hands, grinning mischievously. “You know, Sabo, you don’t have to get so defensive. We’re just... trying to help you. You don’t need to hide your passions from us.”

Sabo sighed in exasperation, tossing the book onto the table. “That’s it. I’m done. You two are impossible.”

[Name] just smirked, leaning back in her chair. “Sure, Blondie. But remember, if you ever need any... advice, we’re here for you.” 

“Right, well I’ve got things to do, so I’ll leave you two bickering,” Koala hummed, deciding to end her teasing. “I’d rather leave before it turns back on me.”

“I’d never turn on you! I need you! You’re my partner in crime!” [Name] cried out, a giggle laced in her words. 

Koala ignored her pleas, giving her a small smile before departing.  

Sabo took a seat next to [Name], his thigh brushing against hers. “I thought I was your partner in crime? I’ve known you longer than Koala, after all,” Sabo said, his voice low but playful, as he stretched out in the chair.

[Name] snickered. “Jealous much? It’s not a competition.”

Sabo leaned back, crossing his arms behind his head, his usual confidence returning. “Yeah, you and I have known each other since we were twelve. That should count for something.”

[Name] tilted her head, placing her cheek in the palm of her hand, looking at him with a cocky expression.“I never said it didn’t.” 

“Then what am I?”

The question caught [Name] off guard. For a moment, she hesitated, blinking as she processed the weight of his words. It was unlike Sabo asking something directly and personally. Usually, he would never go this serious unless there was something important on his mind or unless he was messing with her. But this didn’t feel like a prank.

She wasn’t sure how to respond. Should she give him a straightforward answer or brush it off as a joke? There was no denying the importance Sabo held in her life. He was her best friend, the first person she had truly trusted, and the one who had been by her side since their escape from Mary Geoise. He had always been there for her, offering comfort when she was sick and always looking out for her. Even when it came to her ridiculous books, he’d scold her, but it was always with a kind heart. When trouble came their way, they faced it together, having each other's backs through thick and thin.

Sabo had become someone irreplaceable, a constant in her life, much like the rest of the Revolutionary Army. They had built something strong, rooted in respect, shared experiences, and an unspoken understanding that they could always count on each other. So, when he asked what he did, it felt like he was looking for something more than just a joke. It felt like he was asking for reassurance, and [Name] knew that, above all else, she valued the trust between them.

[Name]’s smile faded, her expression softening with sincerity. “You’re my best friend, Sabo.” 

For a long moment, Sabo simply stared at her, his eyes hard to read. The tension hung in the air, thick with unspoken words. 

Finally, Sabo rubbed the back of his neck, breaking the silence with an almost shy tone. “Sorry about yesterday,” he muttered, turning away slightly. “I didn’t mean to upset you during the sparring match.”

[Name] blinked in confusion, her mind briefly derailing from their earlier conversation. "Sorry? Yesterday? For what?"

He glanced at her with a sideways look, his voice quieter. “You seemed upset when I said something. That’s why I came to check on you.” [Name] didn’t respond, letting him continue. “I can get carried away sometimes," he continued, scratching his head. “Next time, if I say something that bothers you, just hit me. I can take it.”

[Name] blinked but played coy. “So, you’re giving me permission to abuse you, Blondie?”

Sabo let out a dry laugh, a little chuckle escaping. “Well, I’m not giving you permission to abuse me... but a little whack on the head is fine.”

She smirked. “I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself. If you give me an inch, I might take a whole mile.”

“Do what you want, Princess,” Sabo teased, but his tone softened as he leaned closer, resting his head briefly on her shoulder. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy.”

Thump-thump

His words stirred something in [Name], something that caught her off guard. It wasn’t a feeling she could easily name, but it was undeniable, a rush of intensity that settled in her chest and refused to dissipate. She couldn’t make sense of it at the moment, and it felt overwhelming. It was a feeling she hadn’t experienced before, and it made her heart race in a way she wasn’t used to. 

One thing was certain. It felt like trouble.

[actualbird]

what is your ranking of all the main event stories we have received so far? (as in sott, enduring light, skadi etc)

OHHHH THIS IS A FUN QUESTION, THANK YOU ANON!!! let me go from my highest to lowest.

for this question, im taking "main event stories" to mean the Big 4 SSR Events where the event story involves the entire team all at once (so no xmas events or sotn, or solo or duo events). and i will be judging these events primarily on their event story (so not as much as the gameplay, though thatll also be a factor. but i wont be judging the cards)

OH DANG WHY DID I EXPLAIN IT, THE TOT WIKI DOES A MUCH BETTER JOB AT DEFINING BIG 4 SSR EVENTS, HERE, THIS IS WHAT IM JUDGING

anyhoo, here is my personal ranking!

FIRST PLACE: Mysteries of the Lost Gold

my beloved, my favorite, my perfect shining star. lost gold was the first big event i played and it has yet to be dethroned as my favorite event story of all of tot. absolute homerun of a rich story with intrigue, high stakes, a good balance of tender moments and lighthearted ones, and just SO gripping in terms of all of the story threads coming together, plus the absolutely A+ nxx team interactions. my advice to every new player who comes into my inbox is "PLAY THE LOST GOLD DLC" because i love it so much. i will never shut up about how i love it so much. it has our very first raven!luke sighting. it has marius nearly getting stabbed. it has artem with gun. it has vyn doing that THING with the bow and arrow. LIKE. THIS EVENT IS PERFECT TO ME. it'll take something really really special to dethrone it.

SECOND PLACE: Enduring Light

this isnt recency bias speaking but my real honest thoughts: this story delighted me to no end. i was kept on the edge my seat for every single phase, and the sheer novelty of the story's setup and the gameplay was such a nice change of pace after the previous event formats started to get repetetive. i especially loved that this time, we had to suspect the nxx boys as well because that really added to my enjoyment of this event. it really felt like a mystery that had to be solved by us, and not just a mystery that will unravel by itself as long as we keep playing, if that makes sense? my point is i was immensely immersed in enduring light and i love it lots lots lots. luke looking stupendously hot in his outfit during the entire event was also a huge plus.

THIRD PLACE: a tie between Blizzardous Threads of Red & Mystery of Bakerlon

i really loved BTR and bakerlon!!! both of their murder cases were adequately thrilling for me, though towards the end i could feel the adrenaline wearing off, if that makes sense? like by the 4th phase, things were slotting together already in a way that like lowered the feeling of intrigue. also i know i said i wouldnt judge much based on gameplay, but these two deserve a shoutout for MINIGAMES I WANT TO KILL W MY BARE HANDS. bakerlon's crystal tasks were so repetetive to me, and BTR's TIMED ESCAPE ROOM THINGIES heightened my blood pressure several times HAHA

FOURTH PLACE: To My Beloved: Moonlit Eve (anniv 2)

this has a soft spot in my heart for including all of the old NPCs from main story, and that was very heartwarming. while theres no mystery that needs solving, just seeing the team hang out together and have fun together was such a treat for my soul

FIFTH PLACE: Secrets of the Tomb

sott is where i'd say the event story quality is inching towards the meh scale. the mystery here was interesting but was not particularly gripping to me. it might just be a me thing, but i enjoyed the side stories (the ones you get with the boys when you investigate the artefacts) more than the actual event story itself.

SIXTH PLACE: A Love Poem to Skadi

ahhhhh skadi. psychological and medical malpractice horrors skadi.....HJSVKHSJDFDSF. i will admit, the mystery in this story is HORRIFIC and it was enjoyable to unravel it, but here is where i break my rule again of not talking about gameplay but mAAAAAAN THE GAMEPLAY HINDERED MY ENJOYMENT OF THE MAIN PLOT LOTS. it was rather difficult for me to do all the exploration in that manor and that stalled my absorption of the story too. plus, i think the fact that the story is Over made the story have a bit of a muted quality to it. not in a bad way (i distinctly remember i wrote a semi-analysis post about how i enjoyed that the story was in the Past) but it definitely affected the mood of the gameplay, if that makes sense?

(that is the third time ive said "if that makes sense" in this response, THREE STRIKES AND YER OOOOOUT)

SEVENTH PLACE: Blissful Fete (anniv 1)

be honest with me.....do YOU remember the event story plot of blissful fete? cuz i sure dont. JVSKDHFSJDHSF. i only remember getting very very mad at luke during that fucking minigame where we guess if the card is higher or lower. that being said, if i cant even remember much of the story, then it didnt make an impact on me and couldve been improved.

so thats my ranking! thank u for the ask :D

[honoringthehorrific]

Is Late Night with The Devil worth tuning in for?

Don't adjust those sets...spoilers in 5..4..3..2...

First off sorry for not being able to find a gif from the movie! Tumblr gave me a real hard time with that one.

Second off I would like to say I do not support the use of AI art. I think it is abysmal. I watched this movie with my partner after saving up points at our local theater for free tickets. If this still supports the movies we see in some way please let me know and I will be sure to find another way to better watch these movies without supporting their actions...🏴‍☠️🦜 It just may mean you get your reviews a touch later!

Onto the movie. The aesthetics were very enjoyable I could appreciate the ties back to satanic panic and the fascination with the occult. The costuming, the filming of the movie, it all felt right and very few times did I feel my immersion in it break. I feel like maybe there were one or two shots where the actors looked too well made up if that makes sense.

One fun fact my partner pointed out was that you can see the twin towers in the opening shots and the city cut aways because they were built 4 years prior! I really liked that this movie didn't shy away from showing us the towers mostly because I feel like that's something that would have broken the idea we are in the 70s.

While the filming was fitting and awesome the effects were....I would say B tier at points. I think it adds to the charm of course I can always appreciate a homemade effect but it does slightly pull me out of this being something that really happened. Don't get me wrong I know it's not trying to be the next Blair witch "true story" but i feel like there is some level to this that wants the audience to feel that this is real.

My partner notes too that cutting it from a television camera view to the audience view might have helped as well!

Onto the fun stuff, we get hints throughout...sorry no, not hints...we get TOLD throughout the movie that our star of tonight's show, jack delroy, is in a fraternal organization...sorry, i mean cult. He is in the Bohemian Grove cult. We get told there are rumors of this in the opening almost documentary style retelling of Jack's fame and struggles with being as good as Johnny Carson. We'll come back to that.

Tonight is 1977. Halloween night. Sweep week. A night where Jack really needs to scrape in the views. He has no idea that the plans he has this evening will go awry...recently his wife madeline who will be reffered to by her "special nickname" mini has passed away from lung cancer. Tonight's show is also jacks first one back and man is it a doozy. We get to see how he banters with his co-host and honestly kind of berates him. I had this struggle with jack where I wanted to like him but every time I tried I just got these kicks and hints that he was kind of an asshole? But it's show biz, who isn't? His first guest is a medium who intends to commune with the dead. He seems like other shoddy Vegas types until he accurately assess a family who lost their son and brother to suicide. It's later revealed to be a bunch of hooey when the next guest a renowned skeptic chats with the family and realizes they were questioned prior to the show.

The first chilling moment we get that isn't the use of AI art is the medium seemingly becoming possessed by the grieving spirit of mini however no one claims the name and only later does jack reveal he thinks the message was for him.

I'm not gonna foot around it. The use of AI art while not overly used and egregious it's present. Personally it being present feels like an issue. It bugs me and it should bug you. I know many people want to cut it a break for being an indie film but it doesn't take much to put some money towards what was it? 5-6 pieces of art? Yeah some people will have higher rates for working on this but I'm sure they could have found someone to do the art if they felt theirs wasn't up to par. I don't think they're fully evil or anything for it. I don't support AI art but I can understand the other side of the argument. However when you turn a blind eye to one film and it does well it doesn't matter if it's an indie project or not. It makes the big guys think hey we like this. Give the devil an inch and he'll take a mile right?...

That all being said I could ignore the cut aways kind of??...I paid attention for mistakes the first few times before the sight of them just elicited an annoyed eyeroll from me.

As the movie progresses we meet the skeptic. He's offering checks to people who can prove without a doubt that they're the real deal and he says hes not lost a nickel yet. The medium claims he doesn't want the money and when Jack vouches for him and says the last message was meant for him the medium's behavior gets more and more erratic before he finally spews black vomit all over the studio including onto the skeptic.

Little do we know on the way to the hospital our medium turns up dead. This starts to brew panic in the crew and our co-host as our next guests are brought on. June and Lily. Lily was found as a 10 year old by the authorities as the only surviving member of a satanic cult that kind of parodies the satanic church and Anton lavey. Lily is possessed by a demon she calls mr.wriggles. mr.wriggles is an interesting one alright! Wether it's trauma, the demonic possession or my boyfriend's theory- autism. Lily exhibits off behaviors like staring directly into the cameras and seeming very monotone at times. It isn't until Jack pushes for and honestly...kind of corners June on live TV that June and Lily decide to showcase Lily's ability. Man does this demon have something to say.

The demon begins by noting that him and Jack know each other hinting at a tie between the Grove cult again. Before intent focuses again on June. Calling her out for her and jacks relationship and telling her to remember what happened to his last whore. Possession doesn't cease until June slaps the girl. Let me tell you I didn't trust this at all. June goes to undo the straps after some crazy electrical issues and levitation and I just felt uneasy the whole time. That typical feeling while watching these movies of "are you stupid??" Lily in my eyes had a very sinister look to her still that later gets touched on again. We then get the skeptics explanation and recreation with hypnosis. Making our co-host believe his phobia of worms is suddenly real life with them wriggling from his neck stomach and lastly eyeball. Only for us to cut back to reality with his activation phrase and see that none of it was true. They watch the tape back and realize that the whole audience was hypnotized because none of that truly happened on their TV sets. However when watching back what happened with Lily it triggers the girl.

She levitates and glows while her head splits open. She immolates the skeptic when he offers the hefty check in exchange for his life and hangs her guardian/doctor by the necklace meant to keep the demon at bay. And unfortunately our chunky loveable co-host gets his neck snapped when trying to "the power of Christ compels you" the demon away. It isn't until we get this gorgeous dream like sequence after Jack seemingly gets away. Him going through the routine of the show only to try and escape. Him telling us to turn off our sets and stop watching before we get a sequence with the cult and him drinking from a chalice as he meets his wife. She reveals that he sacrificed her health for fame. He didn't know. And this is where I felt sympathetic for him....the entire time he was unaware...he murdered her unintentionally. And so she asks him to murder her in the physical. Take the ritual knife from Lily's old home and finish her off before the cancer can take her....only for him to plunge the knife into her and reveal that the dream was fake. And he has stabbed Lily to death. He stands and we get a heart wrenching scene of him trying to say the skeptics activation phrase to wake up while surrounded by the carnage he somewhat unknowingly caused...

Overall I give this 3 worms out of 5.

The AI made my eyes roll and the effects were corny but the premise and scenery and aesthetics were beautiful. I sort of reccomend it if you can watch it in a non supporting way.

[piracytheorist]

hiiii. this is kinda random but just wanted to say I'm starting to understand you going anime only for SxF. I watched S1 blind, then bcs I craved more I read the manga. Now bcs I know what happens, watching S2 has less exciting effect for me (?) Don't get me wrong I'm still so excited and the animation/voice is stunning, but it would be nice to experience the story for the first time again. anyway it's impressive you got to stay committed to anime only! sorry for rambling in your inbox ;-;

Hi, and no worries, I appreciate the message! Ramble in my inbox whenever :D

And yeah, the feeling you describe is exactly what I fear I'll feel if I go manga first anime second. It even happened with the bullet in butt date episode, since I'd read the chapter already, it impacted my enjoyment of it a bit. I ended up comparing it a lot to the manga and this interfered with my immersion. Funny thing is, any time I read a chapter that I'd already watched in anime, this didn't happen. I was able to enjoy anime and manga both, without interference.

That said, the one other chapter I'd already read before it was adapted was the one where Nightfall visits the Forgers for the first time. While once again I ended up comparing the anime to the manga a lot, after a couple months that feeling went away and now I can enjoy rewatching the episode without making any comparisons. So I'm hoping that after a while I'll be able to enjoy the bullet in butt date episode on its own merit, and maybe it will feel the same for you!

I think it's a testament to the quality and heart of the story, that we want to experience it for the first time all over again. If you're caught up with the manga it'll probably take a few years for the anime to catch up, but if you want to also go anime-only I will probably be here for... well, a long time 😂 one of the worst parts about being anime only is that I have next to no-one to talk about it, and I can't search for posts here or anywhere else because most fans read the manga and avoiding spoilers is impossible, even when you tell people you're avoiding manga spoilers. I'm pretty sure a few of my followers here secretly want to nudge me to catch up with the manga 🤣 So yeah, one of the things that kept me an anime only was the hope that I may provide some company to a fellow anime only 🤣

And look, I totally get you. I'm honestly surprised myself I made it all the way here and only indulged myself once, and only for a couple pages from a certain chapter after I saw some spoilers. When season one ended last December I actually expected I'd break and read through at least a couple arcs into the manga. So the temptation certainly isn't small!

I would say, find the way that makes you enjoy it more and take that. I enjoy the story told through anime more, but not when I get a ton of spoilers here and there, so I have to accept that I will have very limited interactions with fellow fans for years on end, as I don't see the story ending soon, and the anime will need one to two years (if not more) to catch up once the manga ends. So that's something to consider. On the other hand, keeping a distance from chapters you've already read may help you enjoy the respective episodes more. Like, the more time passes from a manga chapter you've read, the more immersed you may be by the adapted anime episode. Idk if you wanted advice, but I thought I could share some thoughts XD In any case, feel free to share with me whenever! I love talking about everything sxf <3

[paradisiagal]

2024 SEASON’S GREETINGS

The annual Season’s Greetings preparation has commenced and here is a preview of mine!  At the end of every year K-POP groups or artists release a package known as Season Greetings. Each year these packages contain distinctive concepts such as sports-themed, floral, and some even following movie themes. It would include a diary and a calendar as the main inclusion for fans to use for the upcoming year! Additional items such as limited photo cards, posters, and stationaries will vary depending on the theme. According to these themes, idols will be dressed in assigned outfits. What do you think is the theme for 2024? This time’s theme is “Black or White?” with a touch of floral and chic style. I asked a few of you which suited me most, was it Black or was it White? While I was scrolling through the comments, some stated that both are pretty and fit me while some preferred Black more. I was more touched when a fan referred to me as someone who is elegant and beautiful. It makes my heart flutter! 

Moving on, the theme includes various outfits. That's why I wore a black sleeve and backless dress with my hair tied down and bangs for the first outfit. Second, a white dress with a hole on the side and a long slit featuring a single strap, my hair still tied down but my bangs going out of the way, adds a touch of glamour and allure to the collection. The third outfit introduces a different aesthetic, with me donning a simple yet sophisticated lavender off-shoulder dress, letting her hair down for a softer look. Lastly, the chic lavender one-shoulder off-sweater ensemble with short hair, bold makeup, and big hoop earrings unveils yet another facet of IU’s persona, showcasing my ability to switch styles seamlessly. Embracing various styles and adapting to change can be an enjoyable experience, especially when it holds the potential for positive outcomes. Just as I envision our connection growing stronger with each step in our journey, I am eager for us to continue flourishing during my upcoming comeback. While I sense your excitement, let’s take a moment to revel in the Christmas spirit and the exciting possibilities the New Year may unfold for all of us.

I encourage my beloved UAENAs to savor moments with their families and friends, mirroring my own plans to cherish these precious times. As we usher in new and promising days, I am thrilled to share some exciting news with you! The highly anticipated announcement of my comeback next year is just around the corner. Can you feel the excitement building? You certainly should, especially since this comeback will feature a collaboration with our esteemed guest from IU’s Palette, V! I’ll delve deeper into this topic very soon. In the meantime, let’s take a collective break and immerse ourselves in the joy of the holidays. Your unwavering support means the world to me, my dear UAENAs, and I want you to know how deeply appreciative I am for each and every one of you. Looking ahead, I am filled with gratitude and anticipation for the journey we are about to embark on together.

[greatbritishsimchallenge]

Tag Game for Historical Simblrs! 📖

1. What has been your favourite time period to play in or which one are you most excited for?

The Anglo Saxon era has been my favourite so far. The thrill of working to build Kennedi up to the chief of her own Queendom was very fun.

2. Do you have a favourite piece of historical cc? (CAS or BB)

BB - I don’t know if ‘favourite’ is the right word, but I really value the CC toilets. Having my sims pee/poop in a historically accurate looking toilet somehow really helps with my immersion!

CAS - basically every historical style dress that @sifix has made

3. Who is your favourite sim currently?

I’m very early into playing the Second Estate of the Medieval era so I don’t have one for that Estate yet. Of the Medieval era as a whole, William hands down. 

4. What is your favourite world?

I really like Brindleton Bay, but my most used is definitely Henford-on-Bagley.

5. Are you more gameplay or story focused?

I’m going to say gameplay because that is what I use to create the story, but I do enjoy trying to thread together all the little gameplay moments into an enjoyable narrative. 

6. Do you like to play with pets in your historical saves?

The Second Estate of the Medieval era is the first time I’m doing it and, I have to say... I’m not a fan so far.

7. What’s your biggest immersion breaking pet peeve with the game? 

Townies not being dressed historically. I do periodically go through and dress all the adults, but I can never be bothered with the children or younger and over time I end up with sims walking around in the typical modern, hideous Townie fashion. If anyone knows how to use MCCC or any other mod to get townies to dress themselves historically, please let me know!

8. What’s your favourite in-game historical item? (CAS or BB)

CAS - The Outdoor Retreat outfit for men and women is very useful.

BB - woodworking table to make chairs, tables, bathtubs, toilets etc.

9. What would you like to see as a new pack or asset to the game?

I need to think hard about this one... and I'm drawing a blank

10. What pack do you think is invaluable as a historical simmer?

Expansion pack - Cottage Living

Game pack - Outdoor Retreat

Stuff Pack - Laundry Day

11. Do you have a favourite mod to enhance historical gameplay?

Ye Olde Cookbook kit by @littlbowbub

12. What’s your ideal family size for playing?

My preferred is 4, but I spend most gameplay with 8 because of how many goals require that many sims.

13. Do you use poses?

I used to a lot, but now I only use poses when I cannot find an in-game animation that suitably captures what I am trying to achieve.

14. Do you use any overrides in your game?

Yes. My favourite is by @simverses and is basically an override for all the outfits of the NPC roles - maid, butler, gardener, mailman, bartender etc. It helps with immersion SO much.

15. Do you, or did you, play off-the-grid during your game?

Yes. The challenge required me to for the Iron Age, Roman Britain and some of Anglo Saxon era.

16. What lifespan do you play on?

Normal life span. I wish I could fiddle and make old age much longer, but the the challenge doesn’t allow messing with lifespans.

17. What inspired you to start playing a historically?

Short answer - finding a Sims Forum thread about the History Challenge and then falling down a very deep rabbit hole that ended up with me creating a simblr account.

Thank you for the tag @aheathen-conceivably and @taanoir!

I tag @shelbycompanylimitedd @soulful-simmer just because they haven’t posted their historical stories in a while and I miss them :)

[hojichasunrise]

Finally finished NATLA. Thoughts:

They ruined Yue's character. Why would a princess be helping casually in the kitchen. Why would a princess display 0 manners around someone she just met. personality completely different.

They had Yue faint repeatedly just to magically sit back up when they needed an exposition dump, then faint again.

They made Hahn a good person? Why is Yue suddenly a waterbender and traipsing around the spirit world? It doesnt add anything and feels out of place.

The interactions between Pakku and Katara were stilted and forced. In the cartoon she had a training period and earned his trust, but here it was just instantly granted that she was the person to report to during battle, yet she doesnt know AQa's defense layout or anything else because she just arrived.

battle pacing in Agna Qel'a is weird. too much standing around talking.

The dialogue is so Marvelized. quip quip quip quip quip.

Aang is joyless and talking like Iron Man. (not the actor's fault.)

Zuko is perfect, 11/10. Every change they made is perfect.

Combining arc beats (e.g. Jet + mechanist) worked surprisingly well.

They made Bumi into an asshole and his dialogue was repetitive, that arc dragged out way too long.

Wasn't atmospheric enough. everything felt like a set.

How did Momo, half the size of a housecat, push that girl out of the way? physics are not mathing.

Why did they take Momo to the spirit oasis to heal but not any of the battle participants or injured civilians. Scene ate too much screen time and sapped urgency from the battle. Makes AQ'a look stupid.

Jet was perfect.

Multiple issues with logic, too long to post. Writing is shallow.

Azula is snarking to her father too much considering she just watched her brother get half his face melted off for one instance of disrespect.

Pecs. 🙏

not enough in-series justification for why Ozai wanted Zuko out of the way in favor of Azula. We know why, but they aren't standing on their own for this beat and have to lean on the cartoon.

Katara and Sokka getting btfo by Koh felt... really strange. they were just there to job and create stakes.

Kuruk and Kyoshi were great inclusions.

Jee/the 41st was a great detail, best part of series.

Azula being the puppetmaster behind Zhao is strange. She knows things by magic I guess, they made a 14 year old girl not just plausibly cunning but straight up omniscient. Logic breaking keikaku doori with her and Ozai.

Ozai using AQ'a as a distraction to take Omashu makes zero logical sense and I don't want to write an essay so just think about this for 5 minutes. I almost screamed.

bf's contribution: "this feels like it was written during the writer's strike."

Visually it was beautiful and the scenery and costumes were great. Other than Yue and Pakku the actors were all fine. Zuko's actor was beyond perfect and his firebending was next level gorgeous.

Sokka's new backstory was a good inclusion. Sokka got a lot of great scenes and the actor is a perfect fit.

Gyatso was also astonishingly perfect. chef's kiss to the actor, his performance was beautiful.

Very much noticing the Kataang scenes were all removed and we got some Zutara allusions. I ship that so yay.

The Sokka/Suki scenes were spicy. However she removed her makeup in 3 seconds flat and that broke my immersion. Please ask a woman next time. otherwise yes I ship that. Just kiss already!

I like the beautiful older lady they put in charge of Kyoshi Island. Nice to see more females in leadership positions.

The lack of the Azula chime is criminal. Her using feminine charm to lure rebels into a trap was a great scene to introduce her. Glad to see rebels, it makes it feel more politically realistic.

The opening scene in ep 1 had Mulan's opening scene vibes in a good way.

Overall: enjoyable with a few caveats but writing quality falls apart upon critical inspection. Much better than I expected, rewatch-worthy. 8/10.

[therecordconnection]

Ranting and Raving: "Rapper's Delight" by The Sugarhill Gang

Recently, I started reading The Come Up: An Oral History of the Rise of Hip-Hop, a really great book by Jonathan Abrams that came out back in October last year. It’s a thorough work, taking its time to really cover the genre, from all its major landmarks (New York, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, the Midwest, etc.) and most of its major players are interviewed and represented in it. I really recommend it if you’re someone who doesn’t know a lot of the deep lore surrounding hip-hop’s history (like me) and you’re looking to learn more.

2023 marked the year of hip-hop’s fiftieth anniversary and it’s done a lot of well-earned celebrating throughout. There were tons of retrospectives done, the Grammys held a live concert to honor the occasion, and many Spotify playlists were made to help a new generation of hip-hop lovers go back and become immersed in the full history. It’s a good thing that the fiftieth anniversary had so much dedicated to it and people could enjoy looking back, because this year has been very strange for the genre in terms of mainstream Billboard chart success.

From August 2022 to August 2023, no rap song topped the Hot 100 chart, which hasn’t happened for twenty-three years. Rappers were still very much successful and there were still albums that hit the top of the album charts (Lil Uzi Vert’s Pink Tape, Travis Scott’s Utopia, Drake’s For All the Dogs topped it twice) but there was no single song that topped the Hot 100. That dry spell finally ended when Doja Cat managed to break the slump with “Paint the Town Red,” which became a number one hit back in September. In a year where Morgan Wallen and Taylor Swift reigned supreme with no end in sight (especially if you’re Taylor Swift), it was almost a good thing that hip-hop was able to focus on looking back and enjoying how far it's come and celebrate all that the genre has achieved in such a short time.

Anyway, as I was reading the first chapters of The Come Up, which focus on hip-hop’s birth in the Bronx and how it grew out of New York and out of the block parties DJ Kool Herc was throwing in 1973, I was captivated. As I kept going though, there was one thing I kept wondering about.

When do the Sugarhill Gang enter into the story?

When I was young, I had always been under the impression that the Sugarhill Gang were among the first rap pioneers, more or less believing they were the first MCs to spit into the mic and bring hip-hop into the world. They... kinda did, but also not really. They were responsible for playing a major part in the genre becoming the cultural juggernaut we recognize it as today, but as for pioneers? Your mileage will vary on that and I hope that’ll become clear soon as we start discussing them. 

Now, I want it to be known that being a white guy from Bumfuck Nowhere, Pennsylvania, my hip-hop history knowledge has always had giant gaps in it that I’ve only been starting to fill up in recent years. I imagine for many others like myself, they’re only just now really learning the history of hip-hop’s birth in the Bronx and what the first MCs unleashed. If you’re not much of a reader, Netflix’s Hip-Hop Evolution is a really great series that covers a ton of that early history. Charlie Ahern’s 1982 film Wild Style also serves as a historical time capsule of that history as it was being written. The Sugarhill Gang get discussed in Hip-Hop Evolution’s second episode, but they’re nowhere to be found in Wild Style.

So, as I was learning about hip-hop and rap’s origins in New York, eventually the Sugarhill Gang did make an appearance. What I ended up learning gave me an entirely new fascination with a song that up until recently I had just found enjoyable and didn’t think too much of. “Rapper’s Delight” is such a fascinating song. Let me count the ways. Why don’t we start with who the Sugarhill Gang are?

The story of the Sugarhill Gang begins with a woman named Sylvia Robinson, often dubbed the “Mother of Hip-Hop.” A shrewd businesswoman, she was the head of All Platinum Records, a label that started in and ran through the seventies (Sugarhill Records, where “Rapper’s Delight” was released, was a subsidiary of All Platinum and formed in order to focus on the emerging rap scene). Robinson was also a musician herself, being one half of the guitar duo Mickey and Sylvia, scoring a hit in 1956 with “Love is Strange” (a song you definitely know if you’ve seen Dirty Dancing). Sylvia herself also had a hit in 1973 with the song “Pillow Talk.” Robinson has lived a life that goes beyond the scope of our subject today, so we’ll stick with knowing her as a businesswoman. If you want to learn more about Robinson’s story, this Billboard piece on her from 2019 is a good place to start.

In 1979, All Platinum was facing bankruptcy and was in desperate need of a smash hit in order to save it. Robinson had agreed to attend a party at Harlem World, a popular disco club in the late seventies and early eighties at 116th & Lenox Ave, in Harlem. Abrams tells the story of how Robinson first discovered the music that could save her label in The Come Up:

“Robinson witnessed Lovebug Starski work the turntables and the crowd into a frenzy with his call-and-responses. Robinson wanted to capture the music and release it commercially. When Lovebug Starski declined the arrangement, Robinson went on a hunt for other artists.”

Robinson’s search for talent, led by her son Joey Robinson, Jr., took them to a pizza parlor in New Jersey. It still exists today. It’s Crispy Crust Pizza in Englewood, NJ (the surviving members of the Gang are interviewed there in Netflix’s Hip-Hop Evolution). The story goes like this: 

The Sugarhill Gang are made up of three guys: Michael Wright (“Wonder Mike”), Henry Jackson (*Big Bank Hank”), and Guy O’ Brien (“Master Gee”). Robinson only came to hear Big Bank spit, but Wonder Mike and Master Gee also auditioned for her. Unable to make a decision on which one to go with, she ultimately decided to say “fuck it!” and made them a trio. 

It’s the best decision she could’ve made.

They auditioned on a Friday night and by Monday they were in the studio cutting the track. The three guys just kept passing the mic to one another and eventually the full song wound up being fifteen minutes long. 

We’ll get into the rhymes a bit later, but now that we’re familiar with the gang, we should cover what “Rapper’s Delight” ended up being the first of. Hip-hop may have already existed in the Bronx and New York scene for about six years before the gang came along and scored a bonafide hit, but the song does have legitimate cred. It’s the first rap song that made it onto the Billboard Hot 100 and the first rap song to break into the Top 40. It paved the way for Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five to get onto Billboard with 1982’s “The Message” (peaked at #62) and led to eventual chart dominators like Run-DMC and the Beastie Boys, which would start sprouting up a few years after the Gang made their mark. The Sugarhill Gang are also some of the first rappers to film an official music video (which is linked above at the top) and be seen performing on pre-MTV television (there are so many videos out there of them performing this on TV shows. It’s nuts). 

Listening to it, it’s not hard to understand why this song still gets written into the history books. First, this shit holds the fuck up. Second, it’s probably the easiest example to use if the aliens ever visit and Captain Cleevmorp asks, “W h a t i s t h i s t h i n g y o u c a l l . . . ‘r a p m u s i c’?” It’s ripping off a disco song that was barely three months old at the time (“Good Times” was released June 4th, 1979, “Rapper’s Delight” appeared September 16th, 1979) but at its core, it’s a rap song and nobody could mistake it for anything else. Did I mention this is ripping off a disco song that was barely three months old at the time? I feel like that’s an important part of the story.

Do you like “Good Times” by Chic? If you do, then hoo boy, do I have the song for you! I don’t think I’m blowing any minds here when I say that musically, “Rapper’s Delight” is quite literally just three guys rapping over an instrumental version of “Good Times” by Chic. I feel the need to stress that it is NOT a sample of “Good Times,” though you would be forgiven for thinking it is. “Rapper’s Delight” came out during a time when the technology for rap sampling and looping didn’t exist yet, so the production team behind “Rapper’s Delight” had to bring in session guys to recreate the song from scratch. They did such a good job recreating it, Nile Rodgers (guitarist) and Bernard Edwards (bassist) from Chic threatened to sue them. They eventually settled out of court, getting co-writing credits on the song and, according to the Library of Congress, “a substantial undisclosed amount of money made off of album sales and performances.” 

Chic won, but Curtis Brown, better known as New York rapper Grandmaster Caz, didn’t. Now might be a good time to start talking about the lyrics to the song.

For brevity’s sake, we will not be going over all fifteen minutes of this thing (I’ve never made it through the entire song. It just goes on-and-and-on-and-on-on-and-on). Rather, we’re going to focus on most single/video versions of the song and just cover the most important parts. 

Wonder Mike is the first one up. Equipped with a friendly voice and a smooth delivery, he spits some of the most important opening lines in rap history.

I said a hip hop, the hippie, the hippie The hip hip hop and you don't stop the rockin' To the bang-bang, boogie, say up jump the boogie To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat

According to Mike in Hip Hop Evolution, these are the lines he used when auditioning with Sylvia Robinson. Those four lines alone tell you everything you need to know about rap flow and delivery. It’s obviously very primitive compared to what MCs are doing now (and even what MCs were doing when this song got big) but to an unsuspecting audience outside of New York that had no idea what the hell rap was at all, those lines are an immediate attention grabber. I’ve always adored the line that comes after those initial four: “Now, what you hear is not a test I'm rappin' to the beat.” It’s a great way to present something strange and new to an audience without alienating them or scaring them away. People in 1979 had long known about disco and would’ve recognized the music immediately, but the rapping part was a new ballgame and Mike’s delivery in the opening verse lays down the framework for the rest of the song. At its core, “Rapper’s Delight” is a laid back and fun party anthem and he immediately sets that tone with his opening verse. He’s a good straight man compared to the goofy braggadocio that starts immediately once he passes it to Big Bank Hank. 

If “Rapper’s Delight” is beloved, it’s because Big Bank comes in and just kills it from the moment he steps up to the mic. The man just sells it and then some. He’s got great flow, a fun loving attitude, tons of style, and a goofy but confident swagger completely on lock. Depending on the version you’re listening to, he’s going for almost two minutes straight with barely any breaks. For one of the first rap songs ever put to vinyl, it’s an impressive feat. He’s got a lot of really great rhymes too.

It’s just a shame he didn’t write a lot of them...

Remember when I said Chic won their lawsuit threat but Grandmaster Caz didn’t end up being so lucky? That’s because a good chunk of the rhymes Big Bank is using are actually Caz’s and it wasn’t a secret to the New York rappers hearing it at the time. 

One dead giveaway is in this line: “The women fight for my delight / But I'm the grandmaster with the three MCs.” Three MCs, huh? But there’s only three of you. There would have to be four of you in order for that line to work. It worked when Caz said that as part of the group Cold Crush Brothers, because there were four of them. Another Caz line is near the beginning of Big Bank’s first verse: “Check it out, I'm the C-A-S-A-N, the O-V-A / And the rest is F-L-Y.” “Casanova” was a nickname of Caz’s. Caz reveals more stolen rhymes and where Big Bank got them from when interviewed for The Come Up:

“Sometimes I’ve been misquoted, and then sometimes I’ve made the mistake of saying I wrote all of Big Bank Hank’s lines for ‘Rapper’s Delight.’ What I meant is his verses. I meant his rhymes. But the little bridges, the hook, that’s DJ Hollywood. That, ‘Imp the Dimp, the ladies’ pimp. The women fight for my . . ., that’s Rahiem from Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five. Those two things, I didn’t write, but the full rhymes he says, ‘I’m the C-A-S-AN, the O-V-A from the time I was only six years old’ and then the Superman and Lois Lane, I wrote all of that.” 

Whether Big Bank got to see a book of Caz’s rhymes and learn them from reading that is up for debate. Caz claims in both The Come Up and Hip-Hop Evolution that Hank didn’t have to study. He knew them all just from knowing Caz and being around him. If you want to hear Caz get bitter about it (which he has every right to be) he addressed this issue of plagiarism in 2000 with the song “MC Delight” (“the cat who bit this rhyme was my manager, pure treason I'll tell you why...”). 

It does take the wind out of the sails a bit when you learn Big Bank cribbed from other rappers for “Rapper’s Delight,” because he’s a very fun and energetic performer with a great voice and great flow, but once you learn the rhymes were stolen from guys who would never get any of the glory of “the first rap hit,” you start to feel bad and look at Big Bank as nothing more than a thief. It blows. New York DJ Grandmixer DXT voices the backlash and problematic nature of getting caught ripping somebody else off in Hip-Hop Evolution:

"Hank was saying a rhyme that we was hearing at the parties already, and he's saying somebody else's rhyme. And for us, that's a catastrophic no-no. There were people who would get beat up for saying somebody's rhyme. And here's a record where this guy bites and actually records it. Like, that was just the worst thing ever."

It goes without saying that the biggest problem with Hank ripping off rap’s founding fathers in the Bronx is that the Sugarhill Gang gets credit for being the first rap stars when one of them is pretty shamelessly ripping off lines from every rapper he heard in New York. There’s no evidence that everything in Hank’s verses are ripped off from somewhere, but there’s evidence of plagiarism all the same. Luckily, Master Gee and Wonder Mike’s parts are both authentic as well as fully written by them. Which is good because once Gee takes over from Big Bank, he takes a little time to get going, but eventually starts feeling himself and really starts delivering some Grade-A stuff. Most of his lines are either about bragging about his status as a ladies man, observations about the listener dancing to the music, and how he’s the youngest member of the three, but can still keep up with the best of them. I do like that his first brag is how he goes by the “unforgettable name” of Master Gee. Personally, I actually think all three of their names are pretty dumb and lame as far as rap names go, but they’re among some of the first rappers so it’s not like they had any way to avoid that.

Master Gee’s most impressive moment is this verse right here, written out in full:

I got a little face and a pair of brown eyes All I'm here to do, ladies, is hypnotize Singin' on-and-and-on-and-on-on-and-on The beat don't stop until the break of dawn Singin' on-and-and-on-and-on-on-and-on Like a hot buttered pop-da-pop-da-pop, dibbie dibbie Pop-da-pop-pop, you don't dare stop Come alive, y'all, gimme whatcha got

It’s stuff that’s downright corny by today’s standards, but Gee’s ability to spit all that without getting tongue-tied is more than I can say for myself. He’s got really great control; all three of them do. Mike, Big Bank, and Gee each deliver their parts like a never-ending party and when you listen to the full version of the song (that fifteen minute monster!) it has the feel of a party where you and your friends are just shooting the shit and passing around a blunt or something to each other. The three of them all seem like friends that are collectively goofballs just having a good time, which is one reason why I think the song has enjoyed the long life it’s had.

I also think the reason this song has lived so long is because white people LOVE this song. Of course they do! It’s a pretty sanitized version of the kind of music that was being made in New York at the time. There’s no message to it, no commentary about social issues, or even using old records in a creative way like the DJs of the day had been doing. Everything about this song was specifically engineered to be commercially viable, right down to completely ripping off a song that had already been a hit less than four months beforehand.

A mainstream audience (read: white) was absolutely slammed with pretty much nothing but disco for most of 1977, all of 1978, and most of 1979 before a bunch of people finally snapped and held a massive bonfire in Chicago about it. “Good Times” was something they already knew and something disco lovers still enjoyed, so you could ease them into this strange new thing called “rappin’ to the beat” and they would understand it without being confused. To most, it was probably just a different style of disco song at the time. It wouldn’t be until the mid-eighties when people would start to begin to understand a better definition for what rap is.

Obviously, the song has a wide appeal and white people really enjoying it isn’t the only reason, but that definitely plays a major factor. You’re looking at the song that inadvertently launched a thousand novelty rap songs in the eighties, all featuring white guys who should’ve never been allowed to be anywhere near a rap song. Rodney Dangerfield with “Rappin’ Rodney,” the Beach Boys with the Fat Boys on “Wipeout,” Joe Piscopo doing “Honeymooners Rap” with Eddie Murphy, and, lest we forget "The Super Bowl Shuffle" by The Chicago Bears Shufflin' Crew. What I’m trying to get at is this: The Sugarhill Gang made it so that if they, three dorks from New Jersey working in a pizza parlor, can rap, you probably can figure it out too. Adding to the “White People Have Propped This Song Up as a Monument” theory is how many things have referenced this song over the years. Here’s a Homer Simpson toy that raps the song and dances to it. The grandmother from The Wedding Singer famously does it (also adding to the “elderly women rapping” trope). Jimmy Fallon once had somebody cut and splice NBC anchors Brian Williams and Lester Holt rapping the song. Kid Rock’s breakout 1999 hit “Bawitdaba” references the song in its chorus (“Bawitdaba, da bang, da dang diggy diggy / Diggy, said the boogie, said up jump the boogie”). And there’s of course the famous 2002 Las Ketchup song “Asereje,” though you probably know it better as “The Ketchup Song,” which is about someone who goes to the club and asks the DJ to play "Rapper's Delight" and sings along in gibberish because he doesn't know the English lyrics. The point is that this song has been propped up by a lot of people who should NOT be considered rappers (yes, that includes Kid Rock).

I think the first time I ever started to have suspicions that the song wasn’t universally adored was when I watched In Living Color for the first time. There’s a sketch in the first season where Keenan Ivory Wayans plays Jesse Jackson and goes for the joke that everyone used to make about him: That he speaks in rhymes, almost like he’s a real life version of Gruntilda the witch from Banjo-Kazooie. Anyway, there’s a sketch where Jackson is giving his final State of the Union address (in the world of this sketch, he beat George H. W. Bush in ‘92 and has been president for eight years) and gives his address in the most basic AA BB CC rhyme scheme that wouldn’t look out of place in a children’s book. After a few of them, Wayans-as-Jackson breaks and quickly says: “Hip hop, you don't stop the rockin' / To the bang-bang, boogie, the beat,” which I took to be an insult that the rhymes in that song were just as basic as anything Jackson had ever said. The idea that “Rapper’s Delight” was wack was something I think I had already known in the back of my head but didn’t want to say because I thought that would just make me sound like a guy who hates fun. But, upon reading and hearing testimonies from the founding fathers of rap in New York, I realized that the big sin of “Rapper’s Delight” wasn’t that it was wack...

Its biggest sin was that it was made by a bunch of posers.

Sylvia Robinson didn’t know anything about the hip-hop and rap scene developing in New York, but she knew it was something that could be monetized if it was done and presented in the right way. Wonder Mike and Master Gee weren’t real rappers with any credibility, they were just guys working in a pizza parlor in New Jersey who were given the opportunity of a lifetime. Big Bank was the only one who could lay claim to having connections in the Bronx. He grew up there, worked the doors at famous Bronx nightclub The Sparkle, and also served as a manager for Grandmaster Caz (whom he would later rip off). “Rapper’s Delight” wasn’t made by starving artists who were pivotal to creating a new scene, it was made by a bunch of posers who had everything to gain from it. New York rappers interviewed in The Come Up knew this and were justifiably pissed about the song. The only testimony that was kind to them came from Kool Moe Dee, who understood the backlash as well as the song being embraced by white America.

“I understood why there was a lot of MCs at the time that didn’t like it, because I just think the social construct of oppression puts us against each other in many ways. In my opinion, many African Americans have a hard time giving other African Americans credit for achieving because so much of white America accepted that record and they started to define it from their perspective. And we’re saying we’ve already been here; it’s not new. So a backlash was on Sugar Hill that wasn’t deserved because they didn’t ask for it. ... So it was never not really hip-hop. We just had gotten more lyrically sophisticated at that time and the record was a great record. And looking back, if it wasn’t for Sugar Hill, we might not have an industry as prominent as we have because of the success of ‘Rapper’s Delight.’”

Kool Moe is right. It wasn’t their fault that “Rapper’s Delight” took off the way it did. Robinson was cashing in on what she saw as “the new thing” and wanted in. The song taking off the way it did happened the way a lot of hits happen: it was the right song with the right artists at the right place at the right time. “Rapper’s Delight” has stuck around the way it has because it captures a beautiful moment where music history is at a crossroads. The golden age of disco is going to be gone when the ball drops on January 1st, 1980, but rap music is only just getting started and by the end of the eighties it will begin its big mainstream explosion and keep going from there. 

“Rapper’s Delight” captures rap in its beautiful infancy. What it lacks in authenticity, it makes up for by being representative of what was going on at the time. It’s a time capsule. No matter which version of this song you choose, it sounds like a never ending party that everyone is invited to and a party where everyone is your friend. It’s fun, it’s infectious, and the three hosts are entertaining as hell as they pass the mic back and forth and keep the party going. Mike, Hank, and Gee created a fun rap song for beginners: it’s a very easy song to understand sonically and it’s an easy song to learn how to rap along to. The rhymes aren’t super complicated and the most you’d have to learn and work out is how to get the flow right and how to not trip over the words. If you can master Wonder Mike’s opening lines (if a Homer Simpson toy can do it, so can you!) the rest comes easy. Learning Big Bank and Master Gee’s parts aren’t complicated either and it becomes fun to recite along with them once you start getting it down. The beat of “Good Times” is very easy to keep up with and follow so that helps it as an excellent beginner song. Despite the criticisms against it, “Rapper’s Delight” still stands as a fantastic party song and it’s not hard to see why people still enjoy getting down to it even now. If you play it at the right party, you’ll hear a whole room recite the lyrics and just have fun with it. Hip-hop and Rap started life as block parties DJ Kool Herc was throwing in ‘73 and the Sugarhill Gang continued that tradition by capturing that party on vinyl. The rap world has changed in many ways since the Gang started rappin’ to the beat, but it keeps its status as a legendary rap song because it’s the party rap song that all party rap songs aspire to. Forget authenticity and leave your notions about “what rap really is about” at the door and just let loose. With the Sugarhill Gang, the party goes on-and-and-on-and-on-and-on

And the beat don't stop until the break of dawn.

[lovecidik]

ask game for historical simblrs!

1. what has been your favorite time period to play in or which one are you most excited for?

so far, i was definitely most excited for the 1910s! although it was definitely fueled by the fashion as i am obsessed with it, i’m still having a lot of fun with it.

i’m super excited for the 1920s though - i have a lot planned for it and only hope i get to execute it well!! ALSO the 80s purely bc of my love of the goth music of the era lol

2. do you have a favorite piece of historical cc? (cas or bb)

right now, absolutely all of katya’s outfits. i can’t choose a favorite, i’m just OBSESSED with all of them

3. who is your favorite sim currently?

quite obvious, but i love and have always loved katya. she’s my little baby and i will cherish her forever!!

i am also loving what i’ve got planned for the crowley children’s future, so all of them are very dear to me :) oh and also miss mystery sim 👀

4. what is your favorite world?

in terms of historical gameplay, probably brindleton bay! henford is a very close second though.

5. are you more gameplay or story focused?

i definitely used to be more of a story-based gameplay person, but i think you can tell in my posts i’ve started focusing on story more! its just more enjoyable for me and i can always play other saves for pure gameplay :) that being said it does vary for me!

6. do you like to play with pets in your historical saves?

not all that much! i like having them around but i tend to forget about them oops

7. what’s your biggest immersion breaking pet peeve in the game?

definitely phones 😭 i know there’s like a notebook override for them but as i also do modern gameplay in my own time i will just struggle with it!!

8. what’s your favorite in-game historical item? (cas or bb)

i really can’t say! i’m such a heavy cc user i barely use items from the game. maybe the wash buckets?

9. what would you like to see as a new pack or asset to the game?

i think i would love some new dances! especially from the 20s. i’d love to throw a big party and have my sims actually accurately dance 😭

10. what pack do you think is invaluable as a historical simmer?

absolutely cottage living! from the gameplay to the build/buy, it’s just such a useful pack. no clue how i did the decades challenge before cows and chickens

11. do you have a favorite mod to enhance historical gameplay?

i don’t actually! i tend not to use many historical gameplay mods for some reason.

12. what’s your ideal family size for playing?

as much as i love having huge families, my current 8 sim household is so overwhelming!! the 1900s 4 sims was definitely ideal.

13. do you use poses?

most of the time, yes! i do tend to use in-game animations sometimes too, but i generally find them too expressive and animated 😭

14. do you use any overrides in your game?

not that i can think of! if i solely played historically, i definitely would.

15. do you, or did you, play off-the-grid during your game?

kind of! i find especially many of the bathtubs i like aren’t off-the-grid compatible, so i just… pretended they didn’t have power and water i guess

16. what lifespan do you play on?

i’m generally on normal, but i switch between long and short to either speed up or slow down my story/game.

17. what inspired you to start playing historically?

i quite literally don’t remember! 😭 i’ve been playing historically on and off for about five years now. a million decades challenges and many others later this is still the farthest time-wise i’ve got. oops

thank you sm for the tag @aheathen-conceivably !! tagging @bardish-cryptid @antiquepixels and anyone else who wants to do this <3

[unrenderedfuture]

Back to School Shopping

(A Doctor Who Academy Era and Goth/Borusa Fanfic. Warning it gets gay at the end lmaoo )

“Well first I need to look at the clearance section. I like to get extra stylus’s for the students’ tablets here if they break or damage the few they are issued by the academy.” Cardinal Borusa said pushing the cart that hovered along the floor towards the back of the school supplies store with Cardinal Goth tagging along with him.

“Why don’t the students bring their own extras? Aren’t your students in their 40s and older for the most part?” Goth asked with a confused look. Borusa sighed and and tossed a few marked down multipacks after examining them into the cart.

“Yes, they are older for the most part, but some of them do not come from houses that send them money for these things. My house sent me ten credits a week as an allowance for everything, I could barely afford shampoo. Next is court approved legal pads for the graduate students. ” Borusa explained moving down the aisle immersed in the school shopping

“They don’t provide them to you like they used to?” Goth asked showing Borusa a stylus marked down 90% with a naked Cerulean person with only a ceremonial collar made of leaves.

“That is abhorrent and not going into my classroom. But to answer your question those disgusting members of the school board decided that graduate student supply budgets are not necessary for our planets further policy attorneys.” The professor grumbled grabbing half off ten legal tablets.

“I mean they in theory should be working at least part time. Sendok thinks you mother hen the students too much.” Goth said with a smile.

“I had a student around a century ago attend a preliminary hearing as an intern graduate prosecutor forget to bring a tablet and I was the one to get chewed out by Inquisitor Darkel for being unprepared. I will not be having that happen again.” Borusa sighed rubbing his face at the memory of the ice cold stare the timelady gave him.

“I see. She can be a bit. Temperamental at times.” Goth agreed. He found most Timeladies not enjoyable to find company with.

“Next is clearance decorations and a few extra light bulbs for my desk. Drax stole four of them last year and became furious every time I would produce another.” Borusa chuckled grabbing five light bulbs and placing them into the cart gently.

“Did you discipline him?” Goth asked with a slight look of concern.

“Well of course, he didn’t get the satisfaction of disrupting my day. Besides when he blew up another teachers lab equipment trying to microwave my homework assignment he was in detention for every lunch for the next semester. He stole and did nothing else.” Borusa explained marking off his list.

“You wanted decor to look at next? What decor did you need?” Goth asked. Borusa looked at the section

“Oh I just like to look but I am not finding this age appropriate at all.” Borusa said looking at posters aimed for younger students on “Who Was Lord Rassilon” and “What is the High Council?”.

“Oh? I may purchase this one for the next Prydonian Chapter Meeting” Goth smirked pointing at the poster labeled “Be respectful and listen to your peers!”

“I second that Lord Goth. Place it in the Chancellors office too.”

***

They made their way to the regular priced area of social studies materials. Borusa pushed the cart looking around when he stopped in his tracks spotting a section he hadn’t seen before.

“‘Home schooling materials?’” Borusa asked out loud in horror.

“Oh yes I know a few people who are at least home schooling up to fifth grade and then sending children to the the academy later.” Goth commented.

“What on Rassilon’s great legacy would lead someone to do that instead of sending their child to the best academy in the galaxy!?” Borusa remarked gazing at the work tablets in disgust.

“And to think I spend tax dollars here at this establishment to receive products to nurture my students. I want an explanation to this nonsense!” Borusa said marching to the front desk.

“‘Nurturing?’ Goodness gracious, Borusa please come here. You really do mother them too much. They are not your children and you cannot control and parent every child on the planet yourself.” Goth said shaking his head as he followed with the cart.

“Of course I mother some of them! Some parental figures in these houses are not fit to run an errand to a grocery store successfully, nevertheless a child. It’s our jobs to fulfill that role and establish a bond between the child and state from an early age so that they associate ‘security’ and ‘happiness’ with ‘staying out of prison and listening to authority’” Borusa said as they reached the help desk.

“Hello sirs how may I help you?” The young clerk at the desk asked with a sweet smile. Goth shot Borusa a look to cool his anger.

“Hello there, I was looking to inquire on why this well established and beloved store is selling ‘Home schooling’ materials when we have six excellent academies teaching our citizens paid by the tax dollar already?” Borusa asked nicely, his tone staying polite.

“Oh, well we got that section this year after we ran a market simulation and found that some houses would be interested especially in the Cerulean and Patrexian Chapters. There is a trend on the Matrix social boards that some parents feel their teaching is superior to Professors and TAs at the Academies. We, of course, mean no disrespect towards you. ” the clerk smiled nervously at the two Cardinals at their desk.

“Ah makes sense. Come on Borusa, stop getting emotional over their marketing tactics.” Goth said starting to walk away.

“Well, their research is wrong. The first five years of education is the most important in a Timetots life. Who is the publisher? I want to write them a paper.” Borusa asked.

“Sure, the publisher. Let me see…” the clerk said typing at the holographic screen.

“Yes, it’s Craftstone Academics Inc is the publisher. We only get some homeschooling supplies really from them. They started as a student tablet decorating company.” The clerk said with a nod. Borusa sighed.

“Nothing is sacred, not even pedagogy. I am not mad at you my friend, I fear for this planet.” Borusa sighed. The clerk gave a confused look to Goth who smiled taking a hand around Borusa’s shoulders guiding him away from the spooked clerk.

“Well, I’m sorry our display upset you. I do have a coupon for teacher stamps if you are interested.” The clerk said producing a holographic sheet.

“Ooo Lord Borusa~” Goth grinned with a raised eyebrow.

“Thank you so much, miss?” Borusa asked with a smile.

“Mr. Alek. And you are welcome. I see your cart is full so hopefully this helps.” The clerk responded with a smile

“Yes, thank you!” Borusa smiled with a slight bow before taking the cart and Goth and heading to another section.

“Stamps. I need a dinosaur or if they have one of a human that would be fun. I have a few students interested in Earth Culture.” Borusa explained. Goth looked at the other Cardinal confused.

“Earth? That polluted planet where humans think they came from?” Goth asked. Borusa laughed.

“Yes, and while I am not an expert of humanity I do know that on that planet they call a few species of birds cardinals and I taught it in one of my second year student classes and they were obsessed because I look like the North American Cardinal apparently when I am cross with them.” Borusa explained finding a stamp that read “Excellent work” with a large lizard smiling in the background and put it in the cart.

“You are a Cardinal to a nine year old tot not because you were elected but because you look like an Earth bird that is likely extinct by this point because you get upset when they misbehave.” Goth repeated rubbing his temples.

“Yes.”

“Were we like this at their age? Are you sure this isn’t a de-evolutionary trend recently? Goth asked honestly. Borusa paused his browsing to think of his education and the amount of times Goth would lead their study sessions astray.

“No, you were worse. You still have the attitude of a brute regarding those you find to be in your way. And you wade too close to the line putting your hand so close to my neck in public.” Borusa whispered in a hushed tone. Goth smirked.

“Oh really? I seem to remember you enjoying our hands on study sessions” Goth said softly liking around before moving a piece of hair from Borusas face that was turning red and flushed.

“You have no proof!” Borusa argued softly with his finger pointed at Goth.

“I have evidence at my condo. I have my Borusa folder.” Goth smirked. Borusa’s eyes narrowed as he smiled.

“I have a folder for you too. Just in case.”

“Make sure you send the CIA the good nude photos of me. I’ll try to send ones that don’t have you drooling.”

“You are a B-A-S-T-A-R-D. And disgusting. And a terrible politician. And you were a terrible defense attorney.” Borusa whispered with a smug smile, standing right in front of him attempting to seem dominant despite Goth a few centimeters taller.

“You are a Government branded whore. I could not be happier to have a spoilt rotten Professor who produces the next generation of assholes in the council. I love you.” Goth grumbled back wishing they were not at in public but at home where he could kiss him.

“I love you too.”

[ajsbookreviews]

First Comes Scandal Book Review

First Comes Scandal

Author: Julia Quinn

Description: She was given two choices...

Georgiana Bridgerton isn't against the idea of marriage. She'd just thought she'd have some say in the matter. But with her reputation hanging by a thread after she's abducted for her dowry, Georgie is given two options: live out her life as a spinster or marry the rogue who has ruined her life.

Enter Option #3

As the fourth son of an earl, Nicholas Rokesby is prepared to chart his own course. He has a life in Edinburgh, where he's close to completing his medical studies, and he has no time -- or interest -- to find a wife. But when he discovers that Georgie Bridgerton -- his literal girl-next-door -- is facing ruin, he knows what he must do.

A Marriage of Convenience

Rating: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆

Review: Four books, four brothers and four vastly different stories. And now, the last one has come to its end. The Rokesby lineage closes its final chapter.

This last instalment of the Rokesby storyline, First Comes Scandal, began wonderfully. The easy setting, the quick build-up and the plot-line itself made the story entertaining and immersive. 

I had long looked forward to reading about Georgianna Bridgerton, for her character is so uniquely her. Although, I must say, my surprise remained with me when her main love interest was revealed to be Nicholas Rokesby. For the longest time I thought it would be Andrew! Though I’m very happy it wasn’t in the end. I can imagine they would drive each other mad. 

What makes Nicholas and Georgiana a great pair is how much understanding and respect they have for each other. Even if they jest or get angered, there’s a modicum of that high esteem remaining. The trope chosen for this novel displays that in phenomenal manner. 

Nevertheless, there is a reason First Comes Scandal did not receive a higher score. It is far from outstanding, and to break my previous Rokesbys streak, less than seven out of ten stars, was a shame, really. The first half was highly amusing and up to previous standards. Yet…

There’s something about all Rokesby books that is too dragged out, too prolonged to be enjoyable. It usually happens somewhere in the middle, leaning toward the second-half of the story. However, First Comes Scandal stands out against it’s companion novels, for even after the usual “break” in pace, it made me lose complete interest around 80% down the line. It took me some time to resume my reading and what I found was predictable. The book didn’t end in an incredible plot-twist, nor something anywhere near surprising. 

That is not to be said that I didn’t like it, because I did. Not as much as previous instalments, but it was sweet and on par with the general storyline. Thus just… the same for another 50 or so pages. Alas, it got a bit repetitive and boring – it’s easy predictability a major flaw in making the story liven up and regain its footing. 

In conclusion, a decently good book, but sadly tapers down during its second half. Unsure if it’s the best ending to this series… Maybe Quinn would be up to another round of Rokesby novels?