#it also helps a lot with conflicted feelings and learning to see yourself outside of your mental stuff

[yellobb]

Okay, this is my second time typing this all out because Tumblr fucked me over so sorry if it’s not as in-depth as what I had before. Anyone can feel free to DM me questions if they have them :) But there’s actually a really cool theory behind why this happens!

There’s this thing called Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, which my therapists have been using with me for the past several months. Basically, in IFS, there are several different “parts” within you, each with their own goals and needs. A part can be an emotion, a physical sensation, a person, etc. that affects your decision making or feelings. There’s a heavy emphasis on the fact that no part of you is bad, but trying to protect you in its own way.

In IFS therapy, you try to connect with your parts to understand them and help them heal. Parts will have different ages, mature at different rates, and may be out of the loop entirely on how much has changed since a traumatizing event happened. Getting to know a part means asking how old it is, how old it thinks you are, how old you were when it first started doing its job, and what led it to start doing its job.

Yesterday I did a session where I connected with the “fandom” part of me. I learned that that part of me was 12. It started doing its job because I was feeling left-out of conversations with friends, who were all super into anime and stuff, and because my sister and I were interested in the same book series and started actually connecting for the first time. Back then this was a healthy “protector” (a classification of a part), just showing up to help out and recognizing when it wasn’t needed. It knew that I was fine without it in a lot of situations, so it would step back and let other protectors do their jobs.

However, this part believed I was 19 years old, despite me being 23. It started doing its job again when COVID happened because I was feeling lonely and isolated. Fandom had helped me connect with people and find comfort in the past, so of course it would show up. The problem is that this time I was going through a traumatizing experience without the support I needed, so that part believed it was still stuck in lockdown and has continued to act accordingly to make sure I don’t feel isolated or upset like I was during the height of COVID. Fandom has taken over my life because it’s such an effective coping mechanism for me and the part of me that is really into fandom stuff is still stuck in high-alert.

Here’s a handout I got the other day that explained this concept really well:

All this to say, it makes total sense that you react the way you do in these situations. Not only that, but there is a way to heal the thing trying to protect you and bring it into the present so that it sees that it doesn’t need to be so overzealous.

I’m putting more IFS info under the cut for anyone interested :)

I was also going to link a YouTube playlist that includes a bunch of IFS meditations, but Tumblr is being stupid right now. If you look up No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz, there’s a bunch of meditations and exercises in there to help you learn about your parts :)

It’s weird how everyone hating you when you’re nine years old still affects your self esteem when you’re 26 like yeah nobody came to my birthday party but that was like 17 years ago why is it stopping me from going to a gay bar

[sunnycanvas]

Hello, can you make one of what Baldwin would be like as a husband, boyfriend or during married life and as a father?

As a lover:

Baldwin IV already has very low expectations when it comes to love. You might also call it non existent

In case he has a crush on some one Baldwin IV would be quite about it and perhaps give prolonged glances to his crush.

Unless he gets a push or you don't approach him. The king will likely won't approach you as well preferring to stay in solitude not wanting to bring you in his "curse"

In case he gets a push to talk to you or you talk to him. Baldwin IV would be happily chatting with you. Trying anything and everything to prolong the conversation as long as he can, he will try not be obvious about his intention

Baldwin IV would reluctantly let you go once your conversation is over and will go back to how it was, so mainly as his s/o you has to take initiative to talk to him

Once you start getting close Baldwin IV would be very fond of your company. Which certainly won't go unnoticed by others and they will try taking advantage of it.

Baldwin IV would try to make time for you out of his tight schedule. Although leprosy has taken away his sensation he will still adore holding your hand or try trancing his fingers on your skin.

Baldwin IV believes he is unfavoured by God so he will have conflicting emotions about being in relationship on which he will confide in his s/o . Once assured Baldwin IV would be very grateful to finally have some one. Who loves him for who he is, doesn't judge him or use him for power. The king surrounded by ambitious people can be lonely at times

Being thrifty Baldwin IV will give expensive gifts to his s/o but upto limitation. His s/o being demanding will quickly turn him off.

He will certainly gift jewelry, dresses etc but his gifts will mainly be personal. Handwritten love letter with passionate declaration of his love for you. Baldwin IV will certainly cherish his s/o handwritten leters treasuring your declaration of love and keeping it safely

Whenever he feels lonely and you don't happen to be there, Baldwin IV will read your letters gently stroking your handwriting. He will also carry small gifts from you. When he leaves for battle or has to travel outside where you can't accompany him

Baldwin IV is aware that people wish to overthrow him and take away his crown so an ambitious s/o trying to find position in court won't won't be helpful. He might get paranoid that his s/o is using him for power or have others get him paranoid about his s/o

However, that doesn't mean Baldwin IV dislikes intelligent women. In fact he loves them. Baldwin IV would love to depend on his s/o about the matters of Kingdom and be his closest adviser but try not be ambitious about power.

Baldwin IV believing that he was cursed by God might feel guilty in being in relationship and will start having thoughts that his s/s deserves better. So he might try to push himself away or slowly form distance with you

You will have to very patient in relationship and be his biggest emotional support. Despite his attempts Baldwin IV will end up failing miserably. He can't see you upset after all. He thinks he is being selfish asking for your company but he can't help it

Baldwin IV loves hugs and kisses. You will find yourself often cuddling him or have him in your arms as he sadly talks about his duties and how he wishes he could retire and run away with you.

You both will often talk about "intelligent conversation". Baldwin IV absolutely adores learning lots of new things from his s/o.

Baldwin IV would love a s/o who would be dependent on him especially when it comes to physical strength. He loves feeling powerful and dominant one in relationship

Husband:

Baldwin IV would be absolutely be expected to marry someone in west or in Byzantine for aid

In case court agrees for him to marry someone else and Baldwin IV would have given up altogether about marrying a noble lady then he will marry you

As his wife Baldwin IV will feel even more open about showing his vulnerabilities. He is a strong commander defending his army but he will be a soft husband who cuddle you at night describing his insecurities and burden of his kingdom

Amount of declaration of love you will be getting would be limitless. He will constantly remind you of it day and night. Even send you handwritten letters about it

Since, he is married to you. His trust for you will be greater. He no longer worries about some random women who might leave him. You are now married to him

Baldwin IV might ask you to accompany him to court meeting and even ask your decision regarding the matter. He might even ask you to join him in military campaign

However he mainly prefers you to stay and protect the kingdom while he is out for military. He will ask you to be regent for the kingdom while he defends it. You will have the maximum amount of time command the kingdom in his absence and even when he is back you will certainly have strong influence on the decision on who gets to stay and who gets what position

Baldwin IV knows people hate you because of how much power you hold as his consort and won't take kindly to anyone talking ill about you. One complain from you will be enough for him to find someone and find an excuse to demote that person. After all an insult to you will be insult to him and Baldwin IV doesn't take well to disrespect

Baldwin IV would now openly gift you from whatever he gets from spoils of war

Both of you will often have books you both share with both of your initials with it

Baldwin IV loves hearing stories be it historical, literature etc. After war when he comes back he will be delighted to find his s/o waiting for him outside. Baldwin IV will go on fondly talking about his military expenditure

He will like talking about historical events or have his s/o talk about historical events or anything else informative and interesting

Baldwin IV would love to fight in your name and honour. He will often carry your favour with him. Your favour be it handkerchief or small personal item gives it immense strength. He will fight for his god, kingdom and you

You will often take care of his health. Many times personally participating as well. Baldwin IV will look at you with absolute adoration as you apply medicine and help him get better believing that God is finally showing him favour by winning war for him and by giving you to him. You will often find Baldwin IV often giving you an intense state while you take care of his wounds

Father (contains slight NSFW):

Baldwin IV really wanted a family with you

His nephew being sickly. He knew he might not survive for long after his death

With your patience and encouragement also with his health drastically improving he will believe in plans of God and have sex with you

His favourite position will be missionary and doggy style

He either gives orgasm denial or overstimulation since he loves you begging him. He loves when his s/o is absolutely submissive in bed moaning and begging him

In fact he loves your moan . Purposely stimulating you to moan and scream his name despite your embarrassment

He will never hurt you of course and will often be gentle but with your permission and can go super rough. You will end up wondering if this is the same man

Once you are pregnant Baldwin IV will over the moon. He will try to come off reserve but will easily give himself away

As a father he will be strict and expect obedience from his children

With his son he will more strict about his education since he will heir to the kingdom. With his daughter, although she will be educated he won't be as strict with her as he won't have much expectation. After all her main job is to marry and secure alliance.

He will absolutely gush about his children in private and public. Any children from you will be absolutely loved by him. He will strive to provide best for the children.

He won't take well if his kids or their mother are being ridiculed for being related to leper. As as result he ends up feeling guilty about starting his family and will end up confiding his s/o about it. He might also try to purposely marginalize the nobleman who dared to upset his family. You might end up intervening, Baldwin IV values your opinion a lot. So he will stop

He absolutely trust you about you taking care about everything including education about his children so he often doesn't intervene unless his s/o asks for it. You mainly need to ask what you need regarding children and he will provide without a second thought. Perhaps one or two questions but that's it

Baldwin IV would often take the main part of scolding the kids especially if they disrespect you or him

Overall he will try to be strict parent

[blackmoonoracle]

𝓑𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓶𝓸𝓸𝓷 𝓸𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓵𝓮 𝓟𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓼.....

ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴀ ᴄᴀʀᴅ

What should you stop worrying about?

ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴏɴᴇ

The transformation of a project or relationship, you left something behind in search of something greater and you may be fearing this was your last chance. I think that you saw something very clearly and while others may not see it right now you're dodging a bullet. Hiveminds don't help, they usually harm. The fact you have the strength to go against the grain says everything about your character. You know what you witnessed, do not be afraid to stand your ground. I'm thinking of that one Kendrick song at the beginning "why god why god do I gotta suffer every stone thrown at you resting at my feet". It seems like people may be attacking you and you feel cornered, this could be that you removed yourself from a friend group and you feel vulnerable. They could have secrets about you that you're scared will be spread, but I promise you it's all good. I think what you don't see is this person only has a good reputation in that specific circle. LOL people fear them, but I feel like they're high-key becoming super irrelevant. Like no one outside of that circle listens to them anymore or wants much to do with them. You may have misjudged someone that warned you about them? The reality is the worst this person is going to do is watch you, you have too much dirt on them that's irrefutable. I feel like they said too much to you, trusted you too much, others are questioning them on why you removed themselves from the situation because they understand and trust in your character. You're actually not being negatively judged, people really adore you. Stop caring, this person is a complete loser. Even if you thought you guys were tight this person is FAAAKE. I'm feeling cancer, Libra, and Aquarius energy. This person could be a Capricorn, you might also be venusian? You'll be good babe, do you and watch the building burn behind you LOL.

ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ

You need to stop worrying and allow yourself to recover, you may have experienced something traumatic recently. Money is coming slowly but surely, you may need to be doing something to release pain from your mind and body. I'm thinking of screaming for some reason, like you need to scream or be angry. Things just may be rough right now, but it's temporary. I literally hard tough times are temporary, you may be about to start your period and that could be why you feel so antsy. Things are dying right now so that new things can enter into your life, things wont be as painful as you think. You're solid, stop worrying about some relationship in your life being destroyed or ruined. I feel like you and this person are really good at avoiding and resolving conflict but you're in denial. You're so scared you're unable to properly enjoy things, and it's honestly kind of sad. Good things can happen to you too babe, you're not fated to suffer. You're recovering, from a lot of pain, and a lot of abuse, and a lot of emotional wounding. Sometimes you just need to learn to relax and allow things to flow as they need to.

ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ

Recovering some kind of money, I feel like a loss you experienced is only going to lead up to a massive massive gain! Your idea of financial wealth and abundance may come from a place of trauma and self doubt. It's possible that you haven't ever experienced true stability, and that you've felt like you're constantly in limbo moving around pieces and trying to make things work. Sometimes you have to allow the universe to be silent, there's a control issue that roots from your insecurities. You have to learn to allow things to unfold, if you don't let things unfold they simply won't. Especially when we're dealing with manifestations, we may not understand why or HOW our manifestations are unfolding because we exist in a trauma based reality still. It's okay to let things close out, sometimes things must die and we must accept that at some point everything must end. I heard "all good things must come to an end". It doesn't mean good things don't last, and I feel like you're not understanding that whatever this good thing was you are genuinely viewing through rose colored glasses. It's going to be okay! I swear :(

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

do u personally think that ur first time having sex NEEDS to be smth special or more like smth to get over with (+ any tips on ur first time maybee)?

My highest priority would be your physical and mental safety. It would be nice if it was special in some way or with someone you share feelings with, but it's not a requirement. But I don't think you should go into it with the thoughts of "just get it over with", mostly because that headspace can be quite negative so you might end up not liking it or regretting your decision.

I think the moment should feel natural. It might be awkward, you might feel nervous, but you shouldn't feel "in danger". You should want to be there. "First time" usually refers to penetration, but there's a lot more to sex than that and it might take several instances to build up to that.

Some general thoughts and considerations:

Think about birth control, health safety, and be hygienic. Was one of my first sexual experiences outside in some random patch of sketchy woods? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Do I recommend? No. Lil prickly. At least put a blanket down or something. Anyway, sometimes things just happen, but keep it in mind XD

Location, location, location. Most people don't want to get arrested for indecent exposure (some get fined for... other things... ahem). Maybe not a jail cell for first time? Possibly? Being at a residence also offers a place to clean / freshen up afterwards. Cuddling and talking about it in a nice environment can be comforting too.

Consider lube. Might be a little intimidating to suggest, but it can improve the experience for everyone involved. The common tip to to do lots of foreplay, which I also recommend, however the human body is a learning organism. To do any activity well takes mindfulness, targeted practice, and repetition. You can do solo sex acts to mimic what could happen, but you'll realize it's different stimuli that your body is reacting to because sex is as mental as it is physical. This is a lot of words to say, most of the time you need to train your body to produce more of your natural lubricant. Your body needs to recognize "oh, it's time to have sex" but anxieties often conflict with that for your first time, which is why having a bottle of lube nearby might be nice.

Relax. A lot easier said than done, I know. XD But it really does help in developing your relationship to sex. It's easy to internalize your performance as a reflection of your character, but you are literally doing something for the first time! Throw the expectations out the window. It'll be what it'll be. You'll know better for next time (if you want a next time), and it's only another page in your story, not the whole story.

I've heard good first times. I've heard bad ones. I've heard neutral ones. I've heard people react with "absolutely not happening, ew" XD so there's a lot of variety out there. Most regrets I've heard are related more to the person they shared it with rather than what actually happened. We all have different comfort levels when it comes to other people so it simply depends on you and how comfortable you are with others. Some people can become comfortable with strangers very quickly. Some see it as more transactional and put less pressure on it. Some connect sex to some type of love (friendship, romantic, etc) and they look for that. Honestly, if you're sexually active, your most special moments will come during future experiences, as you'll learn to better express yourself and communicate.

Just remember, sex is a relationship like any other. It is a relationship you have with yourself, connected emotionally and physically and influenced by others when you share that kind of intimacy with them. It can be healthy, it can be unhealthy, and at times you might need to repair your relationship with sex to feel good about it. Jitters are natural since you're doing something for the first time. But dreading it, feeling ashamed, or any other strongly negative emotion is probably more indicative of a deeper issue that requires self-reflection. Society sucks because usually it places a taboo on sex. Even "sex positive" messages sometimes end up shaming those on the asexual spectrum. You have to cultivate your relationship with sex for it to positively impact you. Don't be too hard on yourself.

I personally want your first time to be great (because I think sex is AWESOME, I know, insane!) because I want you to grow a positive relationship with sex. If it's a little iffy, well, at least you never have to do that again! can you tell I've been the first time for a few people lmao

[breadarcade]

Ah okay cool! I guess I'll be the first request then?

Can you do Radish Cookie admitting her feelings for her crush?

★ 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲: 𝘇𝗼𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗺𝗮! 𝗺𝘆 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁! :𝗼

𝗣𝗔𝗜𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚: 𝗥𝗔𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗛 𝗖𝗢𝗢𝗞𝗜𝗘 𝘅 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗘𝗥

𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚: 𝗦𝗣𝗢𝗜𝗟𝗘𝗥𝗦 𝗔𝗕𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗘𝗣. 𝟯, 𝗮 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗳 𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗘𝗣. 𝟯

★𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗣𝗢𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗕𝗟𝗬 𝗧𝗘𝗟𝗟 𝗛𝗢𝗪 𝗘𝗠𝗕𝗔𝗥𝗥𝗔𝗦𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗦𝗛𝗘 𝗪𝗔𝗦 when she caught you in her trap; to think it was someone else, or something else, but only to see a cookie as gorgeous and pretty as you, along with Gingerbrave and Gingerbright holding you, the both of them, along with you being caught off guard from the sudden impact of being dropped to the ground. Yet among the group of stand outs, you in her eyes stand out the rest, she couldn't help but be flustered.

When she let your group come into her hideout, her face and pride was high when she told everyone about her integrity and capability in tinkering. Specifically when she looked at your face in awe and curiosity, what were you thinking? How awesome is she? well of course she is! How did she make all of this? most definitely she will tell you, if that makes you interested! It was painfully noticeable when she became a rambling mess when she talked about her interests and her story about the syrup garden.

A shame that both of you have to meet in such a strange and unfortunate predicament, when the garden wasn't in its full glory, she thought, it would have been more pleasant if that wasn't the case──wait, what is she thinking?!

Yet, when she stopped talking and everyone aside from her just stared at the group of vials of syrup, resting on that basket, she could not help but be a little petty. When she promised to take care of that problem, you just stared at syrup? Who do you think she is?

But at the end, when Gingerbrave, Gingerbright, Wizard and Strawberry Cookie. She cannot help but bring herself but lend a bottle of syrup to you, when the both of you are alone, claiming it was ‘something she wanted to give away’. Was that a blush in her cheeks, you see? Hm, no, you probably convinced yourself.

Across the adventure everyone began to share with Radish Cookie, one thing you cannot help but notice was the subtle stares you felt, but you didn't even know it was Radish Cookie was staring at you, how can she not? She began to learn that not only are you pretty, but pretty brave too! You help her, then she helps you! That's how it works between the both of you for now, and she was content with that.

A lot of events happened, no one knows how long was it, a day? a week? a month? Time apparently does not work in the syrup garden, but that one moment that cannot make her help but be happy was the moment when you smiled so brightly when the sound of music was playing in the background, the brightest smile you had. Radish Cookie cannot help but awe at that, why were you smiling? Nonetheless, she also smiled at that sight, not only because she managed to fix the syrup garden and everyone was happy but got to spend some time with you.

The worst one was the emotional conflict that she felt when ROSEMARY COOKIE, was finally in her desperate embrace, and the sudden realization that she felt when everything, her beliefs and effort was wasted and used for something that happened because of her, but then, when Gingerbrave and the others ran to tend to someone else in need, you simply stayed, only to hear her thoughts, her mind, and trauma.

And that moment too, your bond with each other began to be closer than anticipated. You cannot help but imagine the face she made when she ventured out her frustrations, saying everything she had done was a waste, something that could have been avoided in the first place.

That was the reason why she felt pain when she realized that you have to leave the garden once everything is over and resolved. Why were you leaving? She understands that outsider cookies probably have somewhere to go but you? why? That’s when she decided that she should at least say a final goodbye then, if that were the case.

★𝗥𝗔𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗛 𝗖𝗢𝗢𝗞𝗜𝗘 walked across the floor in sheer desperation to find you, calling your name in a loud voice

“YN COOKIE? YN COOKIE!” she yelled, thoroughly going through every room in hopes to find you to make one last conversation with you, her intrusive thoughts getting the best of her ‘What if they left already?’ ’What if they left and didn't say bye?’Her face fell from the thought, what did she mean to you exactly? She knows that everything you, Radish Cookie, and the others have been through was fast paced, and heavy to cope with.

But there were good things that happened, right? If you have left the garden, left her already, would you even remember her? Her state of curiosity is turning her to crumbs! She felt a little panicky before she finally looked over a secluded room.

One of the syrup faucets was there, and another thing that was there was you, dozing off. Your gorgeous and sleeping face cannot help but make her chuckle from the welcoming sight, relief washing over her as she walks towards you quietly and crouched to your level.

A soft smile on her face. So you were not planning to leave her, but instead you were busy dozing off? How comedic in her case. She cannot help but admire your appearance, you were pretty when sleepy, a faint blush on her cheeks as she tried to decide whether she woke you up, or not. But ultimately, she reluctantly did so, waking you up by shaking you through your shoulder

“YN cookie… Wake up… YN cookie!“ she shook you gently. Receiving a small groan in response, making her release your shoulder and took a step back as you flutter your eyes open. “Radish Cookie? Is something wrong?” You ask, rubbing your eyes as you see that your vision was monetarily blurry, your voice was tired and groggy, making her guilty for waking you up for something personal as this. “No, I just──yeah I-I just need to talk to ya for a moment.“ Radish Cookie stammered with her words, internally cursing herself for that, but it have thankfully gotten unnoticed by you.

“Yeah? What's wrong, Radish Cookie?” your eyes lace some concern, making her heart get pierced by an arrow.Radish Cookie sighed, trying to regain some confidence, it wasn't like her, it wasn't like her at all… “You're going to leave, right? You will..?” her voice was soft, her face was gloomy, a sharp contrast of her usual demeanor, she didn't want you to leave at all. You, in response just avert her eyes, “Well, that's the idea, I cannot just leave them, I cannot leave Gingerbrave and the others.” you admitted, earning a disappointed sigh from Radish.

“So soon? but there's lots of stuff you gotta see, the fruit residents are planning to have this meet up and──” “Radish Cookie.” You cut her off, concern and confusion is evident and clear on your face, making Radish Cookie try so hard to not give away her intentions, but she failed as she noticed your serious and hard face, her shoulders was slump and her mouth formed a pout.

“I should not beat around the bush, should I?” she ask, her hands were trembling as her face was red as her hair, “Radish Cooki─” ”I like you, YN cookie, you are one of the most──amazing cookies I have ever met, you did a lot for me and I am thankful for that, I-I, I don't want you to leave YN cookie, please don't… '' Her hands grabbed yours as her eyes gleamed with hope in it, her lips were trembling and she was anticipating an answer, she needs to know what you think of her so she can be at peace if you leave.

“YN cookie──please-” “YN COOKIE?” a series of voices call out for your name, making Radish Cookie’s face fall into a more saddened on, it was time for you to leave, you really had to leave, didn't you? You stayed silent as you stood up, to her dismay and surprise and started to walk towards the group of voices, saying that you are coming. Before you actually go, you felt a pair of hands keeping you in place, which is Radish Cookie holding your arm “Wait! I still don't have an answer, YN cookie, please! I─” a small, gentle and quick kiss was left onto Radish Cookie’s lips, leaving her to shut up and be more redder. “I─” ”Radish Cookie, I like you too, but I cannot stay, I have a responsibility and you have yours… “ you gaze become attractively softer.

“YN COOKIE!” Strawberry Cookie’s voice was heard, making you sigh, making you take a step back “But I promise that I will be back, and we will talk about this──I promise… “ Radish Cookie’s hands let go of your hand, allowing you to take another step back before Radish Cookie’s voice call you out one, last time. “Here.” she trailed off as she scurried her pouches to give a glass of syrup “To think of me, ‘kay? Don't you dare forget about me, while you're at it. “ she huffed, her smile was evident as she leaned close to give you a kiss on the cheek.

“And be on one piece, alright?”Radish Cookie’s words cannot help but make you smile, as you clutched the bottle of syrup and turn your back on her to walk away. You looked at her over your shoulder and smiled “I promise──I expect you to do the same by the way.” you replied earning a chuckle.

“Please take care─” Radish Cookie murmured as she watched as you walked away to be with your own group of cookies.

★well, here you go! I hope you enjoy it! sorry if my grammar is kinda shady ^^

[bellestarot]

Disclaimer: It's just for fun, remember that. Make yourself comfortable here.

Lee Know's Reading

October 13, 2023

Right Now

He's working a lot right now. I see him with the group, the Stray Kids team together. He is active and certainly not stopped at the moment.

I don't know if the group is touring but he's working a lot and he feels a little lost on how to continue having a private life.

He doesn't want anything outside of what he allows to be published so he's also taking this time to learn more about how to take care of himself, continue to have an absolutely normal life with lots of people watching him.

It's difficult for him because he cares a lot about what people say about him, so it's been a labor of self-love that he's been doing. He is absolutely happy and proud at this moment in his life.

He feels that his friends are right for him and that celebrations are extremely necessary at this time so I see him being a very happy boy.

Love Life

He's single, not in a relationship. However, there is one person he was very interested in and he really wanted to be with them and have a relationship with them.

He showed interest but it was not reciprocated and this was quite painful for him, almost catastrophic because he believed it would work out with this person.

He made efforts to be with this person so that this person would want him but it didn't work out.

Even though he has other options of people interested in him, he has no interest in these people. He doesn't seem like a guy who dates anyone, he likes serious relationships.

Career

He feels stressed about traveling, he doesn't seem like someone who is very enthusiastic about traveling and performing outside the country.

He's still getting used to it. I see him having a lot of headaches, stress and doesn't like spending a lot of time on the plane.

He's working with an air sign right now and it could be a member of the group he's close to or it could simply be someone who is very creative and knows how to play instruments.

The person he is interested in is someone who works with him and is around him. It could be someone who works on the team, it could be anyone who is involved with Stray Kids.

I see that he also feels sad as if it wouldn't work anyway because he is in the group so I see that he will continue to see this person close to him but he knows that this person will not be together.

Family

He helps his family financially, he gives money helping the family every month. He is very distant from them because he is traveling a lot so they are not physically together and the only way he is there to help them and be present is with material.

I see that he celebrates with his family the fun positive things that are happening but it is all also focused on the materialistic side.

I see that his family is not perfect and there is conflict. Maybe a marriage didn't work out so there's a separation process and I see that he's trying to stay out of the situation but someone is trying to pull him back in so they can get involved in what's happening between the family.

He is close to a relative but this person is also very connected to money or what he has so I don't think he has a very loving relationship with his family, it's more on the material side.

Friendships

His relationship with his friends is great. I think he has healthy people around him, not problematic people.

It's a lot of fun and he really values ​​the friends he has. I don't know if he has many friends but the friends he has he considers like family. It's like it's part of his life.

One specific friend who is older and very wise who works with him. This person helps him at work a lot and even so I see that Lee Know is isolating himself a little from his friendships at the moment.

Future

He will be in a very serious relationship, I see that he can even marry this person and they are his ideal type.

This person is very committed to relationships just like him and I see him having a stable and happy relationship together.

He may have periods of isolation, periods where he doesn't feel well where that part of the emotions and feelings he has and he doesn't know how to deal with it very well but I see that he will mature and that he will learn a lot about how become someone mature.

Someone who knows how to deal with problems, emotions and feelings. So he will have this evolution from a boy to a real man and this will be very interesting for his future.

[raccoonfallsharder]

yo. wsp. sooooo i been writing some thoughts lately and i need help with something

HOW THE FUCK DO I WRITE GOOD SMUT? like i tried once and it was fucking BAD lollll. i seriously need help and you're the only person i can actually ask because you. are literally. the best at that. so pleassse send help

bb i love you and you are a sweet little raspberry pastry. i am so flattered to be asked something like this. i don’t know if i am the best but i do think any success i have is from learning from the best! im not great with advice but here are some things i believe have helped me.

the most important thing i can tell you is this: WRITE “BAD” SMUT! who cares? no-one has to see it?? write bad smut, and then write more bad smut, then go back and reread your og bad smut and decide what you would change so you enjoy reading it just a little bit more. then write some more bad smut. the first time you ever wrote a sentence, was it an ivory tower example of academically flawless grammar, punctuation, and spelling? was it an evocative and award-winning piece of revelatory poetry inspiring massive social change on a global scale? no way. you probably didn’t even have all your letters facing the right direction. WRITE BAD SMUT OR YOU’LL NEVER WRITE GOOD SMUT.

also write bad smut because it’s fun honestly and who cares how good it is?

next most important piece of advice: i think you gotta start by asking yourself what you like best when you’re reading smut. nono wait back up. first you gotta read A LOT of smut. no, more. however much you’re thinking, probably more. then you gotta figure out what your favorite parts are and why.

now. on a more individual note. every author’s smut is different and personal because everything author’s writing is different and personal and smut is in some ways even more personal, right? (don’t stop making plums) so what you’re writing will always look different. but here are some things that have worked for me and maybe they can provide a good space for you to start exploring how you want your smut to look. (warning for late-night first-draft rambling ahead)

for me, there are two parts to what makes smut satisfying (again, this is personal preference).

the first is when the smut is very rooted in an emotional core — specifically, the characters and their motivations. what does each character want? if it’s only an orgasm, why is it only an orgasm? if it’s more than an orgasm, what is it and why? and what does that look like?

sunshine-reader in sunshine wants a playful one-night stand but is incapable of not offering warmth. rocket in the same narrative wants connection because he’s rocket and never feels connected enough. their connection is warm and open because (they think) it’s low-risk and short-lived.

pearl-reader in wyndham/cicatrix wants to exercise autonomy for once in her damn life. rocket/“the monster” in wyndham/cicatrix wants revenge-sex. both of these two are grappling with their own versions of grief and that shows through in their motivations too (at least id like to think so).

in window, sex between jo and rocket looks different when it’s their first time versus when rocket’s trying to coerce her into taking up more space versus when jo is spiraling as they head back to terra, because the goals and motivations are always different.

knowing your characters’ motivations for sex, the way they’re trying to communicate with each other, and their outside-the-bedroom neuroses can also help make sense of kinks, too. in my imagination, rocket always has control issues (especially mcu rocket tbh) because of his historical lack of control and what it means for him to be under someone else’s power. (but i also see him with a complicated/conflicted praise kink a la adorations because he wants to believe nice things about himself while also not believing them, or not believing compliments are genuine).

all of the above is the philosophical part of smut — the emotional core that makes smut more satisfying for me personally as a reader. after that, we get into the technical writing-shit. i think, much like actual sex, the pay-off is better if you savor the journey. so at least for me, that means writing beyond just pinched nips, grinding, penetration. it means taking time to explore the way it feels to be touched in even the mundane parts of our bodies: different textures, pressures, etc.

for example, a claw prickling over the inner flesh of the forearm is not explicitly sexual but. i mean. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ or is it. you know?

another thing for me is to focus on detail. when our senses are overwhelmed we tend to focus on very specific details: the light coming through the window, the stroke of the back of the knuckles on your shoulder, the scent of the pillow. you could say “then she reached orgasm” or you could say “she squeezed her eyes tight. the crackle of electricity in her abdomen snapped taut, and then broke apart in a shower of sparks.” you could say someone was spanked, or you could say there was a crack in the air, and a stinging heat bloomed on their asscheek. don’t just say what happened — say what it felt like, what it looked like, what it smelled and sounded and tasted like. (i mean sometimes you gotta just say what happened or the scene can get too dense…but overall, i opt for relying on sensory description over exposition).

the rest imo is window dressing. are there certain phrases or words you particularly like to read or hear? are you someone who loves or hates the word “pussy” or “dick”? would you rather avoid explicit terms all together, or use them often? or sporadically, for impact?

anyway. like i said these are just my initial late-night first-draft thoughts so they might be rough and they ARE just things that have helped ME (everyone has different thoughts/ideas on this!) but i hope maybe this is a helpful place to start??? also if any of this did not make sense i apologize i am sleepy just lmk and i am happy to expand/clarify

also you are a precious little cherry tart, a springtime crocus, and i love you. please write more smut and allow yourself the freedom of enjoying it. ♡♡♡

[archivist-retired]

I LOVE Tangled Before Ever After SO MUCH !! It’s story is great and sets up the series extremely well but I love everything it represents in just an hour!

You are allowed to be sad, angry, etc even if you “should be happy”! Happiness is not a constant you will experience negative emotions and you are allowed to feel and express them! I love Rapunzel’s conflict in this!! The internal battle of not feeling content with her life in the castle due to how limited her freedom is thinking she should be happy because this is supposed to be her happily ever after she doesn’t feel like she should be sad! Yes her situation is better now and she is very obviously thankful but she needs more out of life than just being trapped within the castle walls and I love the exploration of that AS WELL as how it makes her feel! I feel like continuations, especially negative ones, of “happily ever afters” are rarely explored and I love how they did it here!

I also love that the conflict isn’t black and white! Yes Rapunzel wants freedom she is not being given and you are obviously made to sympathize with her with it being from her point of view but it’s incredibly hard not to sympathize with her dad as well! It makes it incredibly obvious that not only does he know what he’s doing is hurting Rapunzel emotionally but that he feels genuine sympathy and sadness because of it, yet he still acts on it because he believes he is protecting her from the outside world especially since it’s taken her before! When he talks to her about a part of him dying when she was taken as a baby and saying that was his best part it’s so obvious how much he cares despite going about it wrong! I love understanding both sides because it gives so much more complexity rather than character a is wrong and character b is right! I’m reference to this I also love that the conflict isn’t just wrapped up after Rapunzel’s dad sees her fight! I feel like a lot of Disney media would have the dad see her fight and be completely changed and willing to accept she can defend herself but he’s not! He actually gets upset when she does this and even more so when he learns about her hair and her disobeying him! And it’s not about restricting her freedom or punishing her he just loves his kid and he’s not willing to let her go again even if that means she may be upset with him!

Also the fact that Rapunzel rejects Eugene’s proposal?! Love does NOT have to be rushed! It’s okay to take things slow and want to better know yourself and your partner before making that commitment! It’s okay to not want to make that commitment for any reason! And despite her clearly being happy about it she wasn’t ready and they don’t present her as being in the wrong or being a bad person for it she just wasn’t ready and that’s okay! It’s not wrong to reject someone and it’s not wrong to feel you’re not ready and it doesn’t mean you don’t love that person or don’t want to continue being with them! I also love the fact that they don’t end with them getting married as a “fix it” they instead end with a heart to heart between Eugene and Rapunzel which helps Eugene better understand the rejection and Rapunzel feel better in having him understand!

Oh and don’t even get me started on the heart to heart!! It was AMAZING! It’s very obvious that Eugene is still upset about the rejection but he isn’t just upset for the sake of being upset he TRIES to understand and succeeds! Instead of brushing her off or having the series portray her as being wrong or cruel for it he takes the time to listen and goes as far as to state that he understands and will respect her boundaries regarding the situation! It’s such a great moment! Eugene even breaking his usual cocky persona for this moment because he wants to be genuine with her because this is important to him and their future together! Because she’s important to him!

I know I may be setting the bar low for some of these but I don’t care I genuinely have such high praises for Tangled Before Ever After I love Tangled so so much </3

(Also thank you for reading if you read this far !!)

(Also also tagging my pookie because this is kind of an analysis? And I think he’d like to see it >:D hope you like it pook)

@anthony-ant-14

[sunset-a-story]

Writer Q&A Tag Game!

I got tagged by @touloserlautrec on this one and you can see their answers here.

I'm not sure who hasn't gotten this one yet but I'm no pressure tagging @squarebracket-trick @captain-kraken @vsnotresponding & @tisiphonewolfe (and open tag)

1. What motivates you to write?

The whole absurdly-large scope of Sunset is going on in my head whether I'm writing it or not. You know when you have a song oppressively stuck in your head and the only thing that helps is to listen to the song all the way through? It's like that. If I don't write it out, my brain just churns it over and over on a loop.

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

Ooo. Hrm. Here's something from Arc 2.

Gerrit's heart sank. The idea that this sort of attack was more than a sporadic phenomenon was a dreadful, heavy thing that he didn't have proper words for. But that was the benefit of telepaths--he didn’t have to. When Gerrit would normally have needed to look away, attempting to grasp his fingers around some sort of words that even remotely fit the gravity of what he was being told, instead he just looked at Penn and felt. Penn held his gaze for a moment and Gerrit felt a gentle nudge of his telepathy. Penn understood. “Go.” Penn clapped him on the back.

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

It's tough to pick! I'll say Marek just because I enjoy his antics and stalwart refusal to be a "serious corporate adult" while being one of the most competent people in the Corp. (Plus he and Baguette are a package deal.)

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

I guess I'd have to say planning/mapping the big picture. Sunset covers a lot of threads that all branch out to affect others down the line with cascading consequences. It's all connected somehow and I feel like I do a decent holding it all in my head.

(That and I think I can write some pretty damn funny dialogue to break up the tension of the rest of the story.)

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

The people! It's so amazing to meet so many supportive writers and get to get excited about everyone's projects. Listening to other rant about their oc babies brings me so much joy.

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I've been using StimuWrite 2 which has been a great motivating tool. It's a program helps to keep me focused and I can create a mini fake coffee shop background with it.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

I love our take on telepaths because it's not a matter of just hearing thoughts or seeing them like on a movie screen. It's synesthetic and young telepaths have to learn to translate this internal language.

Each telepath's experience is different. Penn's is heavily smell-based like information he takes into his body from outside. Jake's is more external with sounds and physical sensations pressing themselves onto his skin, wrapping around him. Reeve's is more internal with tastes and colors that flow from the backs of his eyes and down his throat like a liquid--so if his knack gets overwhelming it can make him feel like he's choking or drowning.

I like to think that how telepaths perceive their knack has an influence on them in the same way that what knack someone has will influence who they are. (This also makes conflict between telepaths really interesting to write!)

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Allow yourself to have fallow times where you aren't writing. That's part of the process. I think the saying is something like anything in nature that is producing endlessly without rest or renewal is dying.

Don't give up on your projects, write that shitty first draft, but don't beat yourself up with guilt when your brain needs a break.

[highpriestess13]

If you would like to book a reading with me, here’s the link ⬇️. If you’re unable to purchase from my website due to finances, you can message me and we can work out a plan. Please do keep in mind that these messages are for the collective, with that being said, not every message is going to resonate with you, if you’re feeling lost/ confused with a reading then more than likely the message/ reading isn’t for you & that’s alright! Take things with a grain of sugar! 😊

Message from La Santisima Muerte 💀

Our beautiful mother of holy death has a message for her children whether you’re a devotee to her or not. You could be hearing and seeing the words “mother of Earth” lately a lot or Mother Gaia. It’s giving me Empress energy, many of you, male or female, are actively standing in your power, you’re about to birth beauty and love into your world. Some of you could actually be pregnant (don’t have to be) but it is also giving Queen of pentacles energy. Many of you are entering a world of abundance you’re about birth so much in your life but you’re also being given the opportunity to walk away from a present conflict that you’re dealing with at this time. All of the hard work you put into yourself and the world around you, you’re about to be blessed with so much more than what you’ve been giving. Knowledge is power, right now is the perfect time for you to expand yourself in ways like never before. You already have what you’re looking, the key and knowledge is within you and not only that, it’s time to start applying all of the lessons that you’ve learned in your recent past, you’re a highly intuitive being and it’s time for the real you to emerge. Pink, butterflies, pink flowers, deer/stag and stars are you confirmation. La Santa Muerte, is wanting for you to thrive, she knows that you’re more than capable trust in whatever may be happening around you as it is happening for you not to you. It’s time to make space for new and this is going to require that extra little step from. I see you’re facing a lot of obstacles, challenges and conflicting situations right now especially externally. If the outside world is too much to take, you’re required to go within, if they’re people who are making you feel this way, you’re needing to sit aside, go within. Some of you could be needing or wanting a space or this is what you’re currently seeking. It’s okay if you’re wanting to be alone and away from the world especially if it’s going to help with your mental health. I feel like she’s beside you, giving you that push that you’re needing to keep going, to never give up and most importantly for you to follow your desires. The solar plexus is significant. Don’t allow external validation to corrupt you either, if someone is negative… whether it’s how they think, what they say, etc. you’re needing to protect yourself and your energy. You’re the only one who knows what’s best for you so don’t outsiders tell you what’s good for you and YOU should or shouldn’t do, they lived their lives already and now it’s time to live yours. I’m hearing “you’re living proof”. Odd numbers could be significant too. Odd numbers, according to Google, is a sign of good fortune, I’m hearing “lucky numbers” you could be seeing synchronicities of odd numbers like 13 and this is your confirmation that good luck is on your side and that you’re needing to trust it. You’re going to be enlightened with some sort of truth/knowledge as well. Someone could be sending you the evil eye too… you’re needing to protect yourself or find ways that’ll help you to do it but I also feel like she’s protecting you as well, the number 5 is significant or something about a 5 pointed star… a pentagram. You could be seeing pentagrams a lot and do keep in mind that pentagrams are also used for protection so you could be wearing a necklace or you’re needing to get one. But the pentagram is your confirmation that your abundance is protected and safe and so are you. It’s time to take the lead and take charge with authority, a lot of you are coming into balance with your divine feminine and masculine energy! The color green and red apples are your confirmation as well. You’re about to take lead in some aspect of your life, you’re no longing sitting in the back, you’re being placed in the front! Some of you are teachers or are being called to become a spiritual teacher to others… like how Jesus was a teacher. Take care of your own needs, don’t worry about other people especially if these people don’t have the best intentions for you. Star anise is very significant.

[pineappleciders]

Hi! I was wondering if I could get an Omori matchup?

I’m 5”8, and 17 years old. I’m an infj-t 7w6, as well as an aries. I go by she/her pronouns, and i’m demiromantic/demisexual, acespike!

I’m a bit of an artist and love to express my emotions through art since conversation through words isn’t my strong suit. Although I have a terrible habit at taking leadership roles despite me not being entirely comfortable with it. I get good grades and I would say that i’m fairly smart but I do like to act a little silly around my friends since I enjoy seeing them laugh, even if I do feel like a fool.

Generally, I think from a different perspective my friends may describe me as non-confrontational, funny (I SWEAR i’m not being narcissistic saying this), and maybe even wise since a ton of people come to me for advice.

As for other hobbies…I do enjoy singing! Its a good alternative emotional outlet for me if I can’t do any art. I also used to play basketball, keyword being used to since i’ve developed a condition to where it’d prolly be best I didn’t anymore (I do miss it alot though). Videogames are always nice, but I think taking long quiet walks (particularly during the nighttime) are even better.

Thanks so much and I hope you’re having an awesome day/night! 💜

I MATCH YOU WITH...

REALWORLD AUBREY!!!

she likes your smart and quieter personality, but she also likes your funny and caring side. she thinks you're incredibly impressive,, how can you be everything at once?

you guys make bets while playing video games

if you tell her you're going for a walk at night, she's immediately putting on her jacket and insisting she comes with (she wants to spend time with you, but she also wants to make sure you're safe)

AUBREY is quite confrontational, so she'll take the lead in conflict or just starting conversation if you don't want to, and holds your hand

she trusts you a lot, and often talks to you about her home life and past (she's a great listener as well, so don't be afraid to talk about yourself!)

she enjoys looking at any art you make, and might sneak little peeks to see what you're up to. she stops if you're uncomfortable with her hovering though

she thinks art is beautiful whether it be drawings, paintings, music, etc. she learns about your art habits to understand what you're feeling/what you want to communicate

you two often crack a lot of jokes together, and while she isn't great in school, (she is quite literally a delinquent) she'll let you do your thing if you're studying or busy with schoolwork. as much as she wants to go outside and hang out with you she understands

(deeply appreciates it if you help her with her work, i like to think she's a burnt-out gifted kid)

lots of laying her head on your shoulder and holding your hand,, she might get flustered though

[jjraderftw]

Genshiken Second Season (ep. 1,3,4,10)

The last bit of this show actually got me interested in it. The updated animation, the introduction of new characters, and more upbeat plots per episode made me find a lot more overall enjoyment in the show and had me chuckling a bit throughout the anime. I think the second season did a good job exploring what it truly means to be an otaku while also exploring the fears and struggles of knowing yourself, your interests and your sexuality.

The idea of being a true otaku is displayed in this season. To be an otaku means to evolve and avidly partake in the media you consume. It’s not enough to simply watch an anime or read manga, but avidly become one with it. This is possible through activities such as cosplaying and writing fanfiction/doujinshi. These activities involve you actively partaking in the fandom you like to attain the fictional desires most otakus have. You grow the media and it changes based on its fan base too. The attributes of certain anime and manga are added to a theoretical database that fans can access and use in their own writings and outfits. This season, we see lots of both cosplay and writing. Chika has embraced her inner otaku and began creating her own original works that draw upon stuff she has seen or read. She has become an active participant in the world of fiction that anime fans love to interact with, which may itself become part of the database as well. The rest of the cast such as Sue, Oone, and Rika express themselves through cosplay to live out and become their fantasies. There is even a scene where Oone mentions how cosplay has to be perfect in order to truly live up to the source material, including wearing (or not wearing) the same type of underwear and having the same tone of voice.

The idea of coming to terms with your person and interests are talked about in this season. Characters who were ashamed of their interests and kinks such as Chika have come to terms with who they are. They no longer need to ridicule others or hide their true colors to be comfortable in their own skin. She has accepted herself as an otaku and removed the stereotypes attached to that label from herself. However, Hato is a special case in this topic. Hato is someone who likes to cross dress as a girl and likes to be seen as a girl while in club in order to show his true interest in fujoshi. Outside of the club, he dresses like a boy and hides his true interests, afraid of being called out for liking guys (which he himself is also conflicted about). Through the episodes we watch, we see Hato break out of his shell and talk about his interests in his guy persona with Maderame, whom he has a somewhat complicated interest in. He is able to show the others in the club both sides of himself and finally learns to feel comfortable saying how he enjoys the fujoshi community. He claims his interest has nothing to do with his sexuality but he starts questioning this a bit when he remembers the level of comfort he has with Madarame. These episodes show that it’s okay to be weary of your sexuality and explore options. There is no shame in that and we as a society should see it as okay too. Furthermore, it helps further extinguish the fear people have about their interest and kinks. In moderation and within reason, there is no reason to be fearful of liking something.

[gordontheengineswifenirmal]

Ok, he’s not wrong about rap in general being anti music, or being degrading. I grew up when rap was young yet, n purposely avoid it in English, not because of culture involved, but because I find it deeply offensive. I know a lot of folks from many backgrounds who listen to it. In other languages, it can be funny. I do like other forms of music traditionally connect to black cultures, such as a reggae, soca, jazz, Motown, soul, funk, and the like. These are not so negative in nature. I AM willing to give a chance to a rap song that does not have offensive lyrics.

To be fair on both sides, rap has a conflicting reputation. To some, it’s positive. To many of us, it’s negative. It could be said that both sides of the argument may be biased to some degree.

Anyhoo, that aside, the problem I have is this -

Whilst he does make some good points, he defends Trump. This sets him up for failure. This leads most of his arguments to become logical fallacies -

He has no actual, unbiased proof to back up what he says. This also leads me to believe he’s taken trump’s comments out of context as well. This is especially damaging because Trump ALREADY does this, leaving twisted information to be twice regurgitated in a metaphorical sense. This article reminds me of that kid in a writing class who makes some good points, but they r marked opinion, because they fail to back it up, then cowardly cover their tracks with utter bollocks, because they couldn’t be arsed enough to make an effort with proper information, so they sound as though they’re talking out their bum. He’s the proverbial ‘this bloke I look up to said this, so it’s gotta be true instead of giving actual reasons WHY it might be true’ type. This is very common of evangelicals, and of Trumps followers and defenders. These can be seperate groups, but they rely solely on bias and logical fallacies, pandering to those willing to take anything said at face value if it pleases them, rather than instead of giving actual facts to back up what they are saying. They also don’t allow debate or open minds to challenge what they say. His article also comes off as a stereotype- as if rap is the ONLY music attributed to black folks, and therefore is the standard for generalisation. This is damaging.

Instead, first understand that not all music related to black cultures are inherently negative. They come from struggle, from pain, but they can be just as positive as others, just as any other music. Then, challenge yourself to find rap lyrics, videos, and such that truly AREN’T offensive, negative, or damaging - and don’t have sex, violence n the like. Look for things that are positive and counter the stereotypes.

Not all stereotypes are completely wrong, they have some basis in facts sometimes. However, that doesn’t mean we can’t challenge how we feel about them. This doesn’t mean we necessarily HAVE to change our minds about the stuff that truly is bad. However, it’s healthy and positive to open our minds, and look for stuff that although may be out of our comfort zones a bit, could allow us to see that there are more than one side to the perception we have. There may be more to learn and understand here.

For me, this is one rap song that does swear (which I dont mind), but it also sends a message to grow up. There are certain behaviours that you don’t need to engage in.

Here’s the dirty version -

And the censored version -

We can celebrate black cultures, but we can learn to seperate negative behaviour from good, and realise that these behaviours aren’t necessarily attached to any one culture. They are a result, and a learned response. They can be changed for the better, but we on the outside are not helping to foster that. We are guilty of feeding into it from the outside, just as it is from within. Every culture has stereotypes. We don’t have to be blind to and give into negative stereotypes if we make an effort to collectively be better, and to teach others to learn about and appreciate instead of exploit and manipulate each other. It can lead to the argument of cultural appropriation, which often results from attention seeking behaviours. Cultural appropriation itself is misused and grossly misunderstood. It is often manipulated when used for a benefit.

We need to remember that this is related to assimilation, which sounds nice at the core, until one really understands the full implications of it -

But is misleading. Appreciation is a better approach -

If your goal is to learn, listen, understand, and honor a culture without benefit to yourself, you are most likely showing appreciation. It is a good idea to learn about and honor other cultures. (But also respect your own, and create a healthy exchange)

I searched up his commentary on rap, simply I thought ‘well, maybe he actually had some good insight’. Sadly, despite the Victorian/edwardusn getup giving the impression of a villain to some, or to others, an eccentric professor - he sounds like an utter cock up. You loose all credibility when u blindly defend the blathering eejit convicted criminal. This also does not help anyone.

no fucking way

“What is keeping down American blacks today is not racism, oppression, or lack of opportunity. That’s over.” - Myron Magnet, 2018.

[mugenloopdalove]

i want to preface this by saying i have good intentions AND i am not the best with wording things or getting the point across. take this message if it helps, delete it if it doesn’t! you are not obligated to reply to this either, and i also understand my mindset isn’t going to work for everyone. you can’t reply to anon asks privately, but you don’t have to post this if you don’t want to, either :)

i just want to say that the amount of engagement you get doesn’t matter. i want to see your stuff! i want to see you post about your self ships and your faves and all the things you like — but i also want to remind you that getting a bunch of asks doesn’t make you any less or more valid, okay?

i admit that i get not feeling wanted or accepted by the community (there are a SURPRISING number of people who feel this way, too) so i’m not trying to be like “grrr you’re being so negative! who cares?!?! just cheer up and be magically happy :)” bc it doesn’t work like that, unfortunately 😅 but i want to remind you that you also deserve your space in the community, so please don’t delete your blog over a lack of interactions.

whether you get one letter or many, you are just as equally loved and appreciated AND worthy of having a space online. there are definitely more popular blogs out there with many many interactions (i find myself envying them, too) but that does not make them better than you. besides, i find that the people who often send them asks are like, their friends anyways. (but i lack any in the comm, so.. 💀)

me personally, i often hold back from sending letters because i don’t know many of the popular sources and am afraid of making it ooc 💔 they have anons off and i don’t want them to be weirded out or reveal my blog, etc. but never ever have i not done it because i disliked the blog personally or anything. it does not mean anyone dislikes you or doesn’t care about your ships (honestly: even if nobody cared, you should still post about the things you like) but i will admit that it does feel nice to know some stranger put the effort into writing for you, that people like hearing your stuff, so i’m also sort of conflicted...

i don’t even know where i’m going with this 😅 but i just wanted to say, from one stranger to another, you are very much loved and appreciated. i understand it can be lonely and i am not trying to give you advice or be all like “you’re too sensitive” or nothing! i am just trying to say that i hear you and i hope you either get the interaction you want or learn to be okay with the lack of it. take care and please be more kind to yourself, i hope you do not spiral into negativity and self hatred. we are only here for so long, please be more kind to yourself if you can help it.

sending all my love (and a cold pillow) 💗

Thank you... Ive just really wanted engagement lately bc I've felt pretty dam lonely and having trouble coming up with new situations. My brains been kind of repeating the same stuff on loop and unless I luck out and get an f/o dream it's just the same stuff I've seen a million times before and I'm not sure how to get new thoughts.

I also... Frequently join communities and see everyone get way more love than me and it reminds me of growing up alone a lot. Jebeheb

I'm trying to make friends in to community rlly rlly hard I'm just. Shy and awkward hdhdhfhft. I want to talk to so many ppl but outside of like memes I'm scared to. Even letters I'm scared to bc I have like... No confidence in my writing jsjsjer it's one thing if I'm writing for myself but writing for someone else is scary.

Thank you though...maybe I just need to take a breath and a step back and maybe a break. I just don't know what to do for an escape other than self ship fhfudir I never formed a lot of coping mechanisms just fiction and lately it's been harder and harder for me to get that on my own and I want help from others

I know I shouldn't rely on engagement your right Abt that. I'm trying not to and this did help me feel better. I just wish I could get some help w getting new things in my brain I guess

[autistic-fuckwad]

thank you for being so honest. i will be really honest in return that i've also thought of you as an asshole due to recent events. but i really think you're making good steps on a path of growth that will lead you to become a better, and more importantly, happy person. and i am genuinely pleasantly surprised and proud to see your response compared to how you were responding a few weeks ago.

i think i may have struggled with a lot of things you are now, in particular with online drama. it's hard, but i think you would really benefit from not involving yourself in online drama as much as possible. that sounds flippant and like i'm saying it's an easy fix, but i understand the pull to touch drama that you aren't directly involved with, or wanting to comment and poke the bear. it's not worth it. :(

it's hard but this will all pass with time. i'm sorry you're still receiving hate mail due to this all. it doesn't make it any better, but people will get bored and move on if you do. maybe in the future people who you've hurt and don't feel comfortable talking to you, will get to the point that they'll be okay to hear your apology. don't dwell on it too much in the meantime, you'll only eat yourself alive.

surround yourself with friends who will keep you accountable for your behavior. it's okay if you lash out or fall back on old habits, no one should expect you to be perfect, just learn how you can take accountability and learn for the future. listen to friends who tell you when you're being out of pocket or telling you you're getting too heated and resist the urge to double down on behavior that you're called out for.

i seriously wish you well, you're young and it's going to be ok. sorry for the long reply as well but i really hope my words helped you some, coming from someone who is a bit older than you.

Thank you for the kind words. I won't lie that yes, I have absolutely been an asshole. I turn I'll be more open with you. Ever since these events happened, conflict has made me outright sick to my stomach. I actively avoid it now due to the spike in anxiety it causes me, and I consistently have nightmares about the idea of conflict.

I was raised to always defend myself by my father, and I won't lie in saying that it has absolutely clouded my judgement. Sometimes, there are times that you must back down when provoked. Not every fight is worth it, not every single thought or opinion you have must be shared no matter how important you think it is.

I will also be open in the fact that this drama has directly affected my friend group. I do not have friends anymore because people have reached out to them, under the cover of anon, to spread the "truth" ( read: calling me a racist who hates ESL people and tells everyone to kill themselves for dumb opinions ) about me and turn them against me. I don't know what motives they have outside of just wanting me dead, after all, someone on ARR called me a waste of oxygen outright. I wouldn't doubt many others think this as well, but know how to hold their tongue.

Thank you for wanting to talk to me, by the way. Your kindness is more than anyone has afforded me so far, not many people are willing to hear that I do want to genuinely change. I don't take pride in being a horrible person; I want to be someone who people love being around and enjoy seeing, not someone everyone grumbles when they come into the room.

I don't know what my actions will be. I enjoy the game very much still, but the community has absolutely made it a trigger for me and on websites like Tumblr, and flight rising, reading comprehension is scarce. All I know is that I will move forward, even if the anxiety attacks keep me up at night and the guilt eats me alive, the time will still pass.

I hope that one day, everyone will be able to see that I've changed. And if not, I hope the people I have hurt are doing better with me not around. All I have ever wanted in life was to make people smile, even if indirectly.

I hope today is kind to you, anon, and may the rest of the week be the same.

[moccahobi]

Eek! What a cool first chapter!

As an introductory chapter, I feel you weave so many important points to keep an eye on in this! Altho there was a lot we were learning about the dynamics of the mc and Tae and Namjoon and his friends, the way you wove exposition into the more action focused scenes of moving in was so wonderful!

We got moments of flashbacks that showed the mc's vulnerability and showed prime character points (like Tae saying Namjoon and the MC were "normal" and Namjoon's subsequent comment normal being relative). The characterization that we got to see as readers was shown through actions and flashbacks in ways that feel so much more tangible and reliable than what a character might say (... tae with his normal).

I also love how the conflict/s that might arise were woven throughout the chapter and slowly laid out/hinted at (LIKE WHEN TAE TOOK TOO LONG TO RESPOND AT THE WE THING? BRO U GET THEM ROOMING TOGETHER WTF U MEAN BY THAT SILENCE?).

There are also moments of humor that are shown through this story which helps keep the mood overall light (like the normal comment... sorry i keep harping on it lolol... and like Tae and the MC knowing Jimin was sleeping instead of helping with moving in). This lightness also really helped ease my mind off of some of the questions that are itching my brain.

Who does the mc know in the ot7 friend group? Have they met the members through Tae? Or will Namjoon also introduce them? Did Tae intentionally not introduce the mc to the members? Why isn't the mc close to them?

How does this theme of loneliness play out further? What will happen next for the mc? How will they grow? Will we see something in Namjoon as well that might need some care as well?

I am HOOKED! And can't wait to continue this series (in 5-10 business months because i am such a slow reader it is tragic... BUT I WILL READ IT!)

My live reation is under the read more.

I feel the living with a man. I don like the idea of it unless I know them well!

Oooof. That's tough! Not being able to room with who you wanted can be so challenging!

"Actually a good plan" 🤣🤣🤣 I love taes sas!

Their heart ran wild when tae offered his couch???? Do I sense unrequited love??

RIPPPPPPPPPP THEY DEF DO! I HAD JUST ASSUMED TAE TAUGHT THEM FRIENDLY LOVE BUT NOOOOOOOO

Tae bear is such a cute nickname!

😬😬😬 dysfunctional friendship??? What are u alluding to here!?!?

"It'll warm up before fall comes in full force". Ah yes. The autumnal foreplay

Too much stuff! 😭😭😭MEEEEEE

EEK! THEIR MEETING! I'd so do what Namjoon did with knocking too. Just to announce yourself. Esp when norms aren't set yet.

Love how tae said to both of them that the other is normal! 🤣🤣🤣 AND THE SUBJECTIVITY OF NORMAL!

The good person face! 😭😭😭 also I am namjoon awkwardly asking for a number

Inchresting comment abt boredom tae. I wonder if Namjoon would disagree or if I'm projecting 🤔🤔🤔

Oof. The emptieness of a place u just move into is so real! I relate so much.

Oh! I like how Namjoon and the mc have common friends outside of tae! It might make stuff harder if the mc confesses to tae and he lets them down... but that's just an if ówò

THE DOOR OPEN POLITICS! I feel this so hard with like how much it can affect housing dynamics.

YOONGI WIRH THE YOURE WRONG LINE ONGG

I feel the jumping! Also why is he on the floor???

Why did tae take so long after the WE?!? HUH??? HUH???

The awkward "you guys are close" comment 😭

Oof. Taes past relationships sound like they've taken quite a toll on the MC

Oh! Interesting question about how tae sees the mc!

I love how you tie their friendship with tae to loneliness. It really broadens the conflict past unrequited love and to the question of belonging! Which is such a cool and complex one!

I. Your Wild-Running Heart || KNJ

(banner by @/itaeewon)

Title: My Feet to Follow, and My Heart to Hold (Masterpost)

Rating: NSFW - minors dni

Genre: college!au, roomie!au, angst, s2l, the absolute slowest of burns

Pairing: Namjoon x female reader, unrequited Taehyung x reader

Beta'd by @/kookstempo, @/casuallyimagining, and @/toikiii - thank you endlessly!

Summary: You know a lot about the many types of love thanks to Kim Taehyung. You love him as the only person you see as “family”, you love him as your very best friend, and you love him as the beautiful, funny man he’s become. But when a twist of fate during your senior year has you rooming with his good friend Kim Namjoon, you just might find that you have plenty left to learn about love. 

Lesson One: there are such things as a right way and a wrong way to love and to be loved.

//

When your roommate bails last-second and leaves you completely in a bind for the new school year, your best friend Taehyung mentions that his friend Namjoon needs a place off-campus, too.

Section Warnings: language

WC: 7k

The world is mine: blue hill, still silver lake, Broad field, bright flower, and the long white road A gateless garden, and an open path: My feet to follow, and my heart to hold. - Journey | Edna St. Vincent Millay

Friday August 28 

“Please, no,” you beg. “Please tell me this is a joke. I can’t live with a man. Do you know what men are like?”

Taehyung, quite a specimen of man last time you checked, cocks an eyebrow at you. “Y/N,” he says flatly. “You’re doing it again.”

It meaning being dramatic, and you resent that implication.

You whine, shuffling your feet unhappily. “But Tae,” you say - okay, you whine. “If my roommate is a guy, then I have to wear a bra in the apartment, like, all the time.”

“Oh my god,” he says, throwing his hands in the air, completely over you. “Do you want my help or not? What are your other options right now?”

How nice of him to ask. 

You’d been so excited to lease an apartment off-campus for your final year of university, even more excited to share it with a girl in your writing program named Penny. You hadn’t thought twice about putting the lease in only your own name, but when Penny texted you - the audacity of her to not even call - to say she wasn’t going to return in the fall after all, you were stuck with the responsibility.

So, since Taehyung asked, your options are this: pay the entire rent by yourself (impossible), or find a roommate, fast. 

“Namjoon’s a really good friend of mine,” Taehyung tries again. “I am personally vouching for him that he’s not a weirdo or a creep. His building flooded and he’s in a bind - just like you. He’s nice, he’s smart, and he’s normal.”

“What about clean?” you prod. 

Taehyung shrugs. “Cleaner than me.”

You sigh. You know Taehyung is right - you need someone quickly, and at this rate you’re bound to only find creeps. At least this guy - even though he’s a guy, which is your main issue - has been vetted.

“You’re not very clean,” you tell your best friend.

He grins at you, guilty as charged. 

“Could we talk first?” you suggest, nerves churning. “Like, can I meet him?”

Taehyung narrows his eyes at you. “Did you think I was going to drop the key off at his place and say ‘okay, have fun!’?”

“Maybe!” you cry, feeling a little hysterical. 

Taehyung rolls his eyes at you. “Want me to see if he can swing by the place tomorrow?”

The plan for the next day was originally for you two to load up your car through the morning, grab lunch somewhere, and then start moving your stuff into the apartment after you ate. 

“Yeah,” you answered. “That actually sounds like a good plan. Then he can see the apartment, too. And you’ll be there with me.”

“Actually a good plan,” Taehyung parrots with a scoff. “Please.”

After your lunch date, Taehyung drops you back home so you can finish packing. You’d packed a lot already - all of your big pieces of furniture were there already, your bedroom now just a mess of random piles of clothing and your bare mattress on the ground. A lot of what you still had were things you knew you’d need to use again during the days you were starting to pack - toiletries, electronics, that kind of thing. With a sigh, you turn on some music and start pulling hangers out of your closet. 

You think about your situation as you work. You’re disappointed about Penny - you’ve lost a roommate and a good friend, somehow. You’re nervous about meeting Taehyung’s friend Namjoon. You’re somehow both excited for and dreading the academic year starting - your final year, complete with a senior thesis course you’ll have to pass in June. And you’re excited for the apartment - your first one that isn’t an on-campus dorm. 

No campus security knocking on the doors, no RA going through your fridge for forbidden liquor bottles, no shared hallway bathrooms. With your own bedroom in the apartment, you’re guaranteed a space that is just yours, a sanctuary where you can have the quiet you crave and aesthetic you want, your own four walls that are completely your own. 

Taehyung’s apartment, which he shares with two friends, isn’t far from your new one - walking distance, actually. He’d offered you his couch there when Penny first bailed. But even if you took his offer, you’d be charged for breaking your lease, and you’d still have to find something more permanent - which would mean another security deposit, not to mention rent. As long as you kept the optimism that you’d successfully secure and keep a roommate, staying was the cheaper option.

You won’t talk about how you wish Taehyung would offer more than his couch.

You won’t talk about how when he’d said, “You know, you could stay with me,” in that deep, comforting voice of his, your heart had run wild. 

Then he’d continued, “That couch isn’t too bad to sleep on, I’ve done it before. And the guys wouldn’t mind. Then you’d have time to find something new, maybe something you can afford alone?”

And your wild-running heart had stuttered, stumbled, caught its footing, stood still. 

You can’t even get mad at him. He’s trying to help. It’s not his fault - at all - that he doesn’t know that your imagination leapt off a cliff at his words, was already picturing snuggling in his bed, those strong arms tight around your middle, was already picturing waking up to his sleepy smile. 

You don’t pretend for even a second that it’s anyone’s fault but your own. 

--

Around ten pm your Aunt Lin comes and knocks on your open door, looking down at the scene before her: you, sitting cross-legged on your bedroom floor, surrounded by half-closed boxes, miscellaneous items strewn around the floor around you, clothing piled up like mountains around you.

“You don’t look very ready,” she remarks.

“That’s helpful, thank you,” you say. 

Lin has raised you ever since you lost your grandmother, who had taken care of you before that. Your grandmother and Lin are the only parental figures you can really remember, but Lin’s technically only ten years your senior and has always felt more like a big sister than a mother. You can’t fault her for it; she was still quite young when she took over raising you. She certainly didn’t have to take you in, but she had, and she’d done her best. 

Lin chuckles. “Why isn’t Taehyung here helping?”

You roll your eyes. “He’s my friend, not my servant. He’s helping me move all this in tomorrow, that’s plenty.”

Lin shrugs, already disinterested. “Okay,” she says lightly. “Well, I wanted to say good luck with the move, and good luck with school this year. Let me know if you need anything.”

You look up from your packing and take in her appearance. She’s in scrubs, a huge thermos of coffee in her hand. She’s got work tonight, then, and won’t be here in the morning when Taehyung picks you up. You should have figured. 

“Thanks,” you say. 

She shifts, looking down the hall instead of at you, suddenly. Lin’s not great with emotions; it’s where you get it from.

“Okay,” she says. “I’ll see you for winter break? If not before?”

“Yeah,” you say. “Yeah. Definitely by then.”

She nods, tells you goodbye, and heads down the hallway. You hear the front door close, and you’re alone with your boxes. That’s about as mushy as it gets with Lin.

[11:44 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: what time tmrw?

[11:45 PM] You: you drive the car, you tell me

[11:51 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: 10?

[11:54 PM] You: you think that’s enough time to pack up the car and drive there before lunch?

[11:58 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: 🙄 this is why i asked YOU what time

[12:01 AM] Tae Bear 🧸: 😤

[12:02 AM] You: 9:30 

[12:03 AM] You: and bring me iced coffee 🤗 plsssss???

[12:06 AM] Tae Bear 🧸: 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

[12:08 AM] You: love u tete

[12:11 AM] Tae Bear 🧸: yeah yeah love you too 

You press the top of your phone into your forehead, closing your eyes. Letting yourself pretend, for just a second, that he could mean it the way you do.

Saturday August 29

Taehyung shows up in the morning - at ten, not nine-thirty, but he has an iced coffee for you in his car, so you let him live. 

It takes you over an hour to load up the car, the boxes and suitcases and garbage bags squished together, shoved impossibly tight, the world’s most desperate game of tetris. Taehyung declares it impossible no less than five times, bemoaning that he’ll have to make the hour drive a second time in order to fit all of your shit. 

In the end, you make it happen. It just takes a little determination. 

The drive to your university is around an hour, depending on traffic. You and Taehyung both don big, goofy aviators and blast music as you sail down the highway, the backseat loaded floor to ceiling. The car is so stuffed, you even have boxes between your feet and on your lap. 

The sun shines brightly down on you as you and Taehyung sing and groove your way through the drive, and you feel… so content, so sure that this is right, that you’re meant to be next to him, like this, forever. Like everything in the universe just clicked together to give you the perfect snapshot of how things are meant to be. 

What if you said it? What if you told him? 

Sometimes, moments like now, you just can’t fathom how he doesn’t feel it too. 

But you know better. You know he doesn’t - doesn’t want to. Something deep inside you tells you to tread carefully with this best friend of yours. Something instinctual tells you that the dysfunctional friendship you’ve crafted together is a Jenga tower and if you so much as nudge the wrong brick, it’s all coming down. 

You eat lunch at a table out in front of a cafe, people watching and basking in the sunlight. It’s the last, trickling days of August, but today’s breezy and cooler. It’ll warm up again before fall comes in full force, you’re sure, but you appreciate the reprieve from the scorching heat, since you’re about to spend several hours hauling boxes up a stairwell.

After lunch, Taehyung drives to your new neighborhood and finds a street-parking spot close to the front entrance of the tall, brick building.

“Okay,” he says. “Now the fun part.”

You giggle. “Have I told you yet that I appreciate you?”

“Elaborate, please,” he says, which is so typical for him. He looks over at you, sunglasses low on his nose.

You roll your eyes, but you’re smiling. “I appreciate you helping me move in. I appreciate you driving me. I appreciate the afternoon you’re about to spend carrying boxes and shit.”

“You’re forgetting something,” he tells you sagely.

You want to whack him in the belly for being so obnoxious, but you can’t risk him dumping all your stuff on the sidewalk and fucking off to let you deal with the stairs on your own. 

“I appreciate you finding me a roommate so I don’t have to sleep on your couch,” you add.

“There we go.” Satisfied, he unbuckles, and you both get out and examine the backseat for whichever Tetris piece seems like it could be removed easiest. Arms full of boxes, you make your way up the steps to the little lobby that houses a wall of mail slots, and then up a second set of stairs to your second-floor apartment.

You set down the box you were carrying and dig out the key, opening the door to your new home.

You really do love this apartment. Through the open space - past the kitchen and through the living room - sunlight streams in through the large front windows that overlook the city block below. You can already see in your mind where you’ll put plants on low tables, or hanging from the ceiling.

You had done the big stuff days ago, with both Lin and Taehyung’s help; Lin had rented a little moving van and you’d loaded up the big furniture. From Lin’s house, you’d taken your bedframe and boxspring, leaving just the mattress in your old bedroom at Lin’s house. You’d also loaded up your low dresser, a nightstand, and two bookshelves. You’d gotten a few pieces from a local repurposing store - a desk to work at and a little swiveling chair to go with it. Your final splurge was an expensive mattress; the one in the store had felt like damn clouds. It was set to be delivered sometime this afternoon. 

You’re already looking forward to going to sleep later.

You and Taehyung try to just put boxes where they’re meant to go. Two boxes end up in your bathroom, another two in the kitchen. You split the books between your bedroom and the living room, where a lone bookshelf is the only current piece of furniture. You heave bags of clothes and linens into your closet, determined to deal with them later. 

The mattress delivery goes smoothly, the truck arriving as you and Taehyung are about halfway done unloading the car. You leave the building’s front door and your apartment door propped open and both teams do their thing: the delivery guys carrying the mattress up the steps, you and Taehyung behind them with garbage bags full of your clothes or boxes of books. 

“You,” Taehyung pants, “have way too much stuff.”

You grin sheepishly, as in the other room your new mattress is removed from its plastic wrap and placed atop your awaiting boxspring. You’re itching to dig out your linens and make the bed; that’s always what makes a room feel ready to you, even back when you were just setting up a little dorm. Once the bed was made, everything else slowly fell into place. 

Once the delivery truck rolls away, you throw yourself bodily onto the mattress, letting out a series of happy groans as you let the pillowy goodness envelop you. 

“Taehyung,” you call tantalizingly. “Come feel it.”

You hear him drop a box in the living room with an audible oof - it must have been more books - and then he comes into your new bedroom and flops sideways across the bed next to you, the mattress jumping and settling again under his weight.

“Wow,” he says, rolling on his back and then turning to look at you, his legs bending to touch the floor. “This is nice. Let’s trade, I’ll bring mine over.”

“Nope,” you say, smiling. “I bought this one with my hard-earned summer money. It’s just for me.”

“Yeah,” he says, voice wry, “for you and your guests.”

Now you do whack him in the belly. He grunts, hands covering the spot, then lays still again.

“That wasn’t nice,” he comments mildly. “No hitting.”

“What guests?” you pout. “I haven’t had a guest since–”

“Ah, spare me the Great Drought of 2022 story,” he begs. He sits up, reaching into his pocket. As his hand retracts, you realize his phone is buzzing with an incoming call.

“Bro,” he says as a greeting, and then listens. “Yeah, we’re here now. That’s fine. Sounds good. Okay.”

He taps to hang up and looks at you. “Namjoon is almost here. That’s fine, right?”

“I was right here,” you huff. “Yes, it’s fine, but you literally could have asked me.”

Taehyung ignores you. “There’s one more box. I’ll go get it, and then I’ll stay while you meet with Joon, and then I’m gonna go, okay?”

“Oh,” you say, heart sinking a little bit. You’d kind of hoped he’d stick around, just hang out and goof off while you unpacked boxes and organized your stuff. “Sure.”

He reads you like a book; he always does.

“Don’t pout,” he says, and there’s something apologetic in his tone. “I just have to do some stuff today. And I really need to shower, this got me all sweaty.”

Well, you don’t need that mental image. Luckily, you’re saved from yourself by a knock at the front door. This strikes you as so polite, because not only is Namjoon going to literally live here, but also because the door is still propped wide open.

You sit up, fixing your hair from where you laid on it. Taehyung has already made his way through the living room and is giving a one-handed bro-hug to the guy at the door. You make your way over, heart thumping. 

You notice a few things right away. He’s tall - taller than Taehyung, and you don’t see that often. His eyes are absolutely striking - there’s sharpness to them, something that makes you want to see the world how he does, something that makes you want to keep looking, something that makes you curious about how he’d see you. 

When he smiles, each cheek dimples, the perfect size for the pad of your index finger. He’s all in browns except for a pair of light-wash jeans. He’s got a dark brown beanie tugged low on his head, and even his thin, wire-frame glasses seem to be chosen for the vibe above all else.

“Hi,” you say, sounding a little shy even to your own ears. Taehyung moves out of the way and you reach to shake Namjoon’s hand. “I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you. Taehyung promised me you’re normal.”

The guy lets out one big laugh, surprised. “He told me the same,” he says conspiratorially, “but really, that’s such a subjective thing.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, and you step back to let Namjoon in, preparing to show him around. 

“Kitchen and living room are here,” you say unnecessarily, since he can see for himself. “Your bedroom would be on this side.” You push open the door and Namjoon sticks his head in. The room is completely bare, the empty closet door standing open. 

“You get your own bathroom,” Taehyung points out. Namjoon nods appreciatively, still looking silently back and forth across the room that would be his as soon as you pass him a key.

“Is it okay?” you ask, suddenly feeling nervous. If this guy backs out, you’ll be back at square one, and now with less time to solve the problem.

“Oh,” he says, as if remembering he should communicate. “Yeah! It’s great.” He turns and peers at the living room, which is empty but for your lone bookshelf and several boxes of books, unopened.

“I have some stuff we can put here, if you want?” he asks, his tone a little uncertain. “Specifically, I have a couch and coffee table, plus a TV and a console to put it on. It should all fit.”

“That would be great,” you say enthusiastically. “I was already stressing out about saving up enough for a couch.”

He nods easily, looking around the room thoughtfully. Taehyung has wandered over to the large windows and is looking up at the tree that stands right outside, the branches waving lightly in the afternoon breeze. With the sunlight coming in, he looks like a painting. 

“I have a rug, too,” Namjoon muses. “Would you be interested in that?”

“Definitely,” you tell him, tearing your eyes away from Taehyung’s back. There’s something knowing in Namjoon’s face as he watches you, and you flush, feeling weirdly caught.

“Okay,” he says, “I’ll bring it. What about kitchen stuff?”

“I don’t have a ton,” you admit, pointing to the two boxes - not very big ones - that you’ve left on the kitchen counter. “If you’ve got more, that’s probably good. I don’t cook that often, to be honest. I’m not very good at it.”

Namjoon smiles at you, leaning over a little like he’s letting you in on a secret. “I can barely boil water,” he admits. “So you’re all good.”

You stand together as you discuss how you’ll be splitting the monthly costs for the utilities, not to mention the high-speed wifi that’s getting set up in two days. That leaves you to work out the rent, what day it’s due and how you want to handle paying it. In the end, you decide that he’ll electronically pay you, and you’ll pay the landlord, since it’s your name on the lease. He pays you right there on the spot, and you pass him the key that was meant for Penny.

“Is it okay if I start moving my things tomorrow?” he asks you.

You shrug. “This place is yours now, too,” you say easily. “You can honestly do what you want.”

“Okay,” he says. “I’ll probably start in the morning then?”

“I can’t promise I’ll be up,” you laugh, “but don’t let that stop you!”

“Should we…” he pauses, adjusts his glasses. “Should we exchange numbers?”

Taehyung makes a face you know well; it’s the face he makes when he wants to laugh or make fun of something, and he’s doing the Good Person Thing by keeping the thought to himself, but he wants to make sure you know by his face that he is holding it in. He wants credit for doing the Good Person Thing.

You honestly hate him sometimes. It’s the only thing keeping you from tipping straight into insanity. Sometimes, I really hate Taehyung. 

“Yes, we probably should,” you say, because someone in this room needs to act like they aren’t twelve years old, and it’s not going to be Kim Taehyung, apparently.

You do, and then Namjoon tells you both goodbye, making his way back out to the hallway and down the steps. You can hear his footsteps fall away into nothing. 

Taehyung looks at you, smiles angelically. “See?” he says. “I told you he was nice.”

He reaches for his keys on your kitchen counter. You frown, detecting his imminent departure. 

“Will you come over tomorrow?” you ask, a little pitifully. 

He considers this, and nods. “For dinner?” he suggests. 

“Yeah,” you say. “We still won’t have wifi yet. We’ll be bored.”

“Only boring people get bored,” Taehyung says sagely, holding up one finger like a wizened philosopher. Then he comes to hug you goodbye, pulling you into a sweet embrace. You want to live there, in the spot between his arms. 

Once he’s gone, you look around your new home. Alone, you decide to put on music and start tackling boxes. You start in the bathroom, finding towels so you’ll be able to shower in the morning, unpacking all your toiletries, setting up your toothbrush just so. You do the kitchen second; the sun sets outside as you find places for your battered pots and pans. 

You stop for dinner, getting take-out from a place nearby that delivers. Then you dive back in, setting up your bedroom. It feels cozy already, once the bed is made and you’ve plugged in your little lamps. Calmer, you start folding clothes to put into dresser drawers. At one point you wander out of your room to get some water and you freeze in your bedroom doorway, struck by how lonely it feels. 

The rest of the apartment is lit only by the yellow glow coming from your bedroom, plus the thin, white light that filters in from the streetlight below the living room windows. You hurry into the kitchen and turn on the light over the sink, which vanishes some of the bad feeling for you. You pour your glass of water and lean heavily on the counter, looking out at your empty living room, and the dark doorway of Namjoon’s untouched room. You wish Taehyung had come back over, or that some of your university friends had moved back into the area sooner.

You rinse your glass and head back into your room, ready to distract yourself with more unpacking until you’re tired enough to sleep.

Sunday August 30

Bumps and crashes wake you in the morning. It takes you a few minutes to figure out where you are - ah, the cloud bed, in your new room. The morning sunlight is strong; apparently the windows on the front of the apartment face the east. You make a mental note to shop for some good blackout curtains, and check your phone. Not much waiting for you - Lin texted around 1 am asking if you got settled okay, probably while she was on a quick break. You answer her, check your socials, and then lay back, just looking around. 

You got a lot done yesterday, but you still have more unpacking to do. It also occurs to you that not only is there no coffee waiting for you in the kitchen, there’s no food of any kind in the whole place, unless you count your container of leftover takeout from last night. 

You shower and get dressed, figuring it's best to stay out of the way - you can hear the grunts and huffs and loud bumps that indicate Namjoon’s got some friends helping him move things in. But eventually, the growling in your stomach and your body’s clamoring for caffeine send you out into the living room.

The low entertainment center is in place across the room from you, a flatscreen tv situated on top. There are now two stools tucked beneath the breakfast bar in the kitchen, and a pretty, wooden coffee table sits in the center of the living room.

There’s a guy on the floor surrounded by furniture pieces, a screwdriver, and a packet of instructions in his hands. You can hear a lot of shouting, bumping, and cursing floating in from the stairwell down the hall. 

“Hey,” the guy on the floor says. “You’re Y/N? I’m Namjoon’s friend, Yoongi.”

“Hi,” you say, a little bewildered. “What are you… building?”

He sighs, squinting at the paper in his hand. “It’s supposed to be a bookshelf. Eventually.”

You’re about to respond to this when the noise from outside the open door gets infinitely louder. You see Namjoon’s expansive back as he shuffles backwards through the doorway, one end of a faded, grey couch in his hands. 

“Okay, you have to turn,” he coaches whoever is on the other side.

The couch makes it through the door, and you’re surprised to see that you know the other person carrying the couch. He’s one of Taehyung’s best friends, and you’ve hung out together as a group plenty of times over the last three years.

“JayKay!” you call happily. “Welcome to my house!”

He laughs, nose scrunching with delight. “Y/N,” he crows. “Where should I put the couch?”

“Across from the tv,” Namjoon answers for you, sounding a little breathless. They shuffle through the room, and you notice for the first time that they’ve already put the rug in place, covering most of the warped, wooden floor of the living room. The couch settles over top of it, and Namjoon slides the coffee table to a more centered position.

One more guy comes through your doorway, carrying a nightstand and a lamp. He’s got quite possibly the widest shoulders you’ve ever seen. He disappears into Namjoon’s bedroom, and you hear the quiet thump as he sets the nightstand down in there.

“Wow,” you say. “You’ve got a whole moving crew.”

“Notice who’s not here helping,” Jungkook grumbles.

You smile to yourself. If you know him at all, you’ll guess Taehyung isn’t even out of bed yet. 

“In his defense,” you say, and Jungkook snorts, as if it’s so typical that you’d defend Taehyung, which… it might be, “he did a lot for me yesterday. We had his car packed with my stuff.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jungkook mutters and turns to - presumably - get more stuff from downstairs.

“You have a lot left?” you ask Namjoon, who seems to be catching his breath for a minute, perched on the arm of the couch. “I’d offer to help, but I was just about to go get groceries - there’s very literally no food here.”

“We’re about done with the heavier stuff,” he says, looking at the open door, like he’ll find an inventory there that he can reference. “But still plenty of assembling left.”

“Hooray,” Yoongi deadpans from the floor, holding the instruction packet up in the air like a different angle will help him decipher the directions.

You find your little foldable cart and make your way to the grocery store a few blocks away. By the time you’re done scouring the aisles, you’ve loaded the cart to the top and still have to carry some of the bags. But at least now you’ll have food to eat, things to drink besides tap water. 

Getting up the stairs with your groceries sucks, but you make it, panting like crazy as you finally unlock the front door and let yourself in.

You’re greeted with silence; it’s clear the guys are all gone. The living room looks completely different than twenty-four hours ago. The couch and table look great, and it seems like Yoongi’s bookshelf is mostly complete - it’s upright, just missing a few shelves near the top. You set the groceries down in the kitchen next to three unopened boxes - it seems like Namjoon’s gameplan was the same as yours yesterday: get the boxes into the appropriate rooms, do the rest later. 

You peek into his bedroom - he’s left the door all the way open, which feels nice, like he trusts you, and you make a mental note that you should probably do the same. You notice that it looks like the furniture is all in place there, too. It doesn’t differ much from yours, actually. The bedframe is put together, the boxspring and mattress leaning against the far wall. He’s also got a tall chest of drawers, a wicker hamper, and in the corner, a desk. Namjoon’s furniture is a lot more modern looking than yours, sleek and matching. You bet he didn’t get half of his from the thrift store. 

You put the groceries away and make yourself a small lunch, eating it on the couch in the quiet of the apartment. You’ve got about twenty-four hours to go until there’s wifi and you can stream shows when you’re home alone. You’re just cleaning up your lunch when you hear a key in the lock, and then the cacophony of boys’ voices as they reenter the apartment. 

“-far superior, I’m telling you,” Jungkook is saying emphatically. The smell of greasy burgers and fries hits you in the kitchen along with the sound of his voice.

“I hear what you’re saying, and I respect your opinion,” a flat voice responds that you think might belong to Yoongi. “It’s just that you’re wrong.”

“Hey,” Namjoon says, noticing you standing in the kitchen. The guys pass through, heading into the living room, Jungkook already digging in the bag. They surround the coffee table, handing out burgers and fries, filling the room with delicious smells and noisy chatter.

You take this opportunity to head back into your room, sitting on your bedroom floor and opening one of your boxes of books, starting to put them on the small shelf beneath your window. You pop in your airpods and turn on music, losing yourself in the monotonous movement of digging out a new book, then turning to place it on the shelf. Rinse, and repeat.

When you finish, you move into your closet. You put your little wire shoe rack back together and locate your box of shoes, lining them up neatly. Then, you tackle another garbage bag full of clothes that go on hangers, flapping each shirt or dress to relieve it of wrinkles before hanging it up. After that, you find a box of miscellaneous dresser items - jewelry boxes, perfume bottles, headbands - and put those where you want them, too.

By the time you decide you need to sit down and take a break, it’s nearly evening, the light outside reaching that golden hour. You really do love the natural lighting in this place. 

You take out your airpods and set them to charge, listening carefully. You’ve had your bedroom door open this whole time, but the guys had left you alone and you’d minded your own business. Now, the apartment is filled with silence again. They must be gone.

You text Taehyung for the first time that day, which strikes you as weird. He must have been busy today, too. It’s odd for you two to make it until almost dinner without speaking.

“Dinner?” you text, and then wander out into the living room. 

“Hey,” a voice says from near the floor, and you practically leap out of your skin. You startle so violently that your phone slips from your hands and clatters to the floor.

“Holy crap,” you breathe when you realize Namjoon is sitting on the floor next to his newly assembled bookshelf, an open box of books before him. He seems to be sorting them into piles before putting any on the shelf.

“Sorry,” he says, eyes wide. “I didn’t mean to--”

“No, you’re fine,” you assure him. “I’m just… a jumpy person. You’ll get used to it.”

You watch him sort books for a minute, then eye your own empty bookshelf, your boxes still closed on the ground next to it. You decide if it’s Bookshelf Hours, you might as well, right? You set your phone on the coffee table and settle in, opening your first box and starting to place books on the bottommost shelf.

“So,” you say, because it feels weird to be sitting four feet from your new roommate and not speaking, “Taehyung said you’re a grad student at the university?”

Namjoon nods wordlessly, eyes on the books he’s sorting. “Yep,” he says finally. “And you’re a senior?”

“Mhm,” you confirm. 

After that scintillating conversation, you both lapse into silence as you work. You continue like that for some time - long enough to reach the middle shelf - before you realize you hear your phone buzzing on the table. You stretch to reach for it, missing how Namjoon glances sideways at you, at how an inch of your stomach is revealed as you lean over. 

“Hi,” you say, pressing the phone to your ear.

“Took you long enough to answer,” Taehyung gripes.

“Sorry,” you say. “We were putting books away.”

Taehyung’s silence is just one beat too long. “We, huh?”

You laugh, once. “I mean? That’s what each of us is doing? So? Yeah?” From his spot a few feet away, Namjoon glances over his shoulder, frowning slightly.

“Anyway,” you say, “dinner? Do you want to come over?” 

“Yes,” he says decisively. “Order us something and I’ll head over?”

“Sure,” you say, already hanging up. You don’t need to ask what he wants; no matter where you order from, you know what he likes. 

“Do you want to order with us?” you ask Namjoon mildly as you scroll through the local delivery app. “I was thinking pizza.”

“Yeah,” Namjoon says slowly, like he was deep in thought and has to process what you’d said to him. “That would be nice. Thanks.”

The place you’d order from back when you lived in the dorms is actually closer to this apartment than campus, which is the most beautiful, serendipitous thing that’s ever happened in your life. You place the order for delivery and continue putting your books away. Once all the books are on shelves, you’re essentially done - finally, after two days - unpacking. 

This gives you exactly one whole day to relax before you have to start going to classes again.

Taehyung arrives before the pizza, knocking on the door in a silly rhythm. You pound back on your side of the door, echoing his rhythm, before opening it, greeting him with a big smile. You’d missed him; of course you had.

“Wow,” he says, genuinely impressed, as he peers around you. “It looks so much different in here.”

“Right?” you ask, filled with joy. Taehyung pokes his head into the kitchen, which is arguably the least “ready” room, as aside from putting your things into drawers and cupboards, neither you nor Namjoon had really done much to it. No hand-towels hanging by the sink, no magnets on the fridge, even the counters were empty, save for the two sets of keys resting there. Taehyung adds his own to the key pile and moves into the living room, which is much more impressive.

“Hey, man,” Namjoon says from the floor. It seems like he’s done sorting his books into piles and has started actually putting them on shelves now. “Looks good, right?”

“It does,” Taehyung answers from the doorway of Namjoon’s room, where he's peeking nosily. “The guys helped you?”

“Everyone except you and Jimin,” Namjoon says innocently. 

Taehyung smiles guiltily. “I helped Y/N the entire day before, just the two of us,” he argues. “And what about Hobi? He’s on--”

“--on vacation with his parents,” Namjoon finishes agreeably, “so he’s off the hook. Where was Jimin?”

“Where do you think Jimin was?” Taehyung scoffs, reaching down and touching the rug absently.

“Sleeping,” you and Namjoon say at the same time, both of your voices wry. You smile at him, and he looks away. 

The pizza arrives and you all sit around the coffee table to eat. Conversation flows better with Taehyung in the mix; he talks so much, it almost doesn’t matter if anyone else does. 

“I was thinking of making a list of things we need for the apartment that wouldn’t necessarily belong to either of us - cleaning supplies, stuff like that,” Namjoon says to you. “I thought I could buy it and we could split the cost?”

“Buy the cheap stuff,” Taehyung advises. “Y/N’s summer money is gonna go fast, especially the way she orders out instead of cooking.”

“Thank you, Taehyung,” you say flatly, shooting him a look. “I start work in like two days. I can handle it.”

After the pizza’s done, Namjoon goes back to working on his bookshelf, obviously wanting to clear the floorspace of his book piles sooner rather than later. You and Taehyung sprawl across the couch opposite each other, his feet resting near your elbow, both of you on your phones. 

You stay like that until nearly midnight, talking occasionally but mostly just happily coexisting in your own little bubbles. At some point, Namjoon finishes the bookshelf and wanders into his bedroom, pausing to look at you two on the couch before disappearing. He pushes his door almost shut, leaving it open a few inches. You hear the subtle sounds of music playing from behind the door, but not loud enough to discern what it is. 

Taehyung hugs you before leaving, and you snuggle into the embrace, body exhausted from the moving process. He rests his chin on top of your head, swaying you around a little bit. 

“Thanks for helping me,” you murmur into his chest. Sometimes the only time you can get Taehyung to be serious for a conversation is when you’re like this; in each other’s arms, your walls come down - in his case, deflecting with humor and sarcasm, brushing off everything like it’s a big joke. In yours, saying what you really mean, and not a more delicate version of it.

“You’re welcome,” he answers, squeezing you a little. “I’m glad everything worked out. It really does look good in here. And I think you guys will get along.” 

Once he leaves, you deadbolt the front door and head to the kitchen to wash the plates and cups you’d used for pizza. Behind you, you hear the squeak of door hinges, and Namjoon pads into the kitchen behind you. He pauses, scanning the cupboards.

“I don’t remember which one I put my cups in,” he laughs a little, and then starts opening each one until he finds what he needs. Once he has a glass, he rummages in the fridge, taking out a juice carton and filling his glass about halfway. You finish washing the last plate and turn the water off, rummaging through a drawer for a dish towel to dry everything.  

“So…” Namjoon says between sips of juice. “You two are pretty close, huh?”

“Yeah,” you say, shrugging easily. “He’s my best friend.”

Namjoon hums, nods, purses his lips thoughtfully. If you knew him better, you’d push - ask him what that face means, or why he’d asked in the first place. 

But, you don’t need to. You know already. You’re used to being interrogated by others about your relationship with Taehyung. Sometimes people are trying to see if you’re a threat in their quest to worm their way into Taehyung’s heart (or pants) - and in your own weird way, you kind of are, at least for the former. 

Taehyung definitely sleeps around, but he’s surprisingly tight-lipped with you about it. You’re not sure if he’s sparing you, or he’s actually just a gentleman. Could go either way. But when Taehyung considers dating someone - rare, to say the least - he always has you vet them first. You never like any of them, surprise surprise. 

You’re used to girls approaching you in bathrooms, sometimes aggressively, sometimes meekly, to ask if Taehyung’s your boyfriend. You’ve had girls come apologize, saying they “didn’t know about you”. Once you’d had a girl nearly shove you down a staircase for talking to “her man”, but luckily, said man was walking next to you and helped shut the whole thing down. (You two had had a serious talk after that one about communicating with his partners about his relationship status. Things have never gone that far again, to date.)

Less frequently, you’ll get asked about Taehyung by guys who are interested in you, who are trying to figure out how much of a lost cause it is. That one’s a little trickier. How do you tell the cute guy at the coffee shop that no, you’re not dating Taehyung, but you are secretly so in love with him that it really isn’t worth their time? 

Anyway, usually you just tell guys that you’re not dating Taehyung but that you’re not interested in dating anyone. It usually does the trick. It’s not that far from the truth, either.

That leaves the last category of people who ask about you two, and this is where you feel Namjoon falls: the people who watch your weird, boundary-pushing friendship and are just genuinely curious how it could possibly work. 

And you get it, you really do. You know how this looks from the outside. Hell, you’re sure that from the outside it’s fairly obvious how gone you are for him. Is it just as obvious to the outside that he sees you more like a sister than anything datable? 

Probably.

You’ve had friends ask you what keeps you around. You always say the same thing - regardless of your feelings for him, he’s also your absolute best friend.

Your friendship is precious to you, sacred. It sometimes feels like the only thing you have, in a life where you generally don’t have much. Your family is Lin - that’s it, end of the road. Your girlfriends are nice, but Penny was the closest you had and she’s across the country now. You only have Taehyung. And what you have with him, as special as it is, it’s also precarious. 

If you lose him, it isn’t just that you’ll lose him - and trust, that would be devastating - it’s also that you would be deeply alone. 

Finished with the dishes, you bid Namjoon goodnight and head back into your room for the night, planning to change into pajamas and wait for Taehyung to text you that he made it home safely, wait for Taehyung to text you goodnight. Namjoon murmurs goodnight, but you feel his calculating gaze on your back until you close your door softly behind you.

Next ->

Thank you so much for reading! I started writing this in August, it feels amazing to finally postttttt. Please consider some type of feedback - I'd love to hear anything you want to share! Section II will post on Friday, January 27th - hope to see you there!