#it also gives kara room to mess up too

[fyonahmacnally]

Watching Her

Kara stares at the blank screen in front of her. She’s been sitting at her dining room table for what feels like days. She needs to be writing her article, but it seems her brain has other plans. Instead, she’s trying to string together the words that have plagued her mind for months. Well, plaguing her for years really, if she’s being honest. 

Plus, lately there’s this urgent need to explain to her raven haired goddess of a best friend how much she means to the hero. Every time Kara thinks she can speak it aloud, the words get stuck in her throat. So, she thought she’d write them instead. Apparently that’s not working either since she’s been staring at her screen for Rao knows how long. No article and no words for Lena. She’s come up short either way. Since the genius woman left for Newfoundland a few days ago, the blonde hasn’t been able to think of much else. 

Just Lena. Always Lena.

Her time in the Phantom Zone was wrought with the fear of never seeing those mesmerizing bi-colored eyes or touching soft porcelain skin again. Their relationship has weathered storms most married couples haven’t faced. A sentiment that forces her thoughts down a path she’s skillfully avoided for years. Kara knows they reconciled and have swapped both apologies and forgiveness, but she’s still not sure where they stand. What they are. Friends? Yes, but there’s always been more. Unfortunately, dealing with the madness surrounding Lex and Nyxly hasn’t given them much time to sort through things. To truly talk.

There are countless things Kara wants to say. While in the Phantom Zone, she relived almost every moment of her relationship with Lena. The worst of things played out before her on most occasions, but the visions also allowed her subconscious to say things she’s always been too cowardly to say. As much as being there sucked, it also gave her insight into how much is still unsaid between them. Insight into where her true home lies. Who is her perfect partner at game night. 

It’s Lena. It has always been Lena.

She shakes her head with a sigh. The cursor on her screen mocks her. This is what happens every time she tries to put words on the page. Her thoughts instantly drift to Lena and all the words she’s choked back or refused to speak. Then a smile drifts across her lips, thoughts of how close she came to kissing the raven haired goddess. Right there in the middle of the tower when she first greeted Lena. If it hadn’t been for Alex and everyone else in the room, she might have. 

No, she’s sure she would have.

“Rao, stop it Kara!” She mutters to herself, slapping her forehead to punctuate her point. “You have an article to write. Even if it is a fluff piece for Andrea.”

Rolling her eyes at the thought of her boss, she straightens her spine, stretches her arms in front of her, shakes them out, and settles back in to write. 

A few hours later, Kara realizes she’s been writing a stream of consciousness. Her once blank document is filled with words. It’s great that she was able to get so many words on the page, but it’s absolutely, 100% not related to the article she needs to write for her deadline. A deadline two days from now. 

Nope. 

Every single word is related to Lena. 

Kara drops her chin to her chest, blowing out a breath of frustration before sitting back in her chair and dragging her hands down her face. “Okay, I guess I should read through this mess of thoughts. Maybe it will give me something for Lena.”

As her eyes rove over the page, drinking in the words she has written, Kara feels her body grow warm. Before her, on the laptop screen, sits the words she’s been looking for. The combination of things she’s longed to share with her best friend for the better part of six years. Sure, she’s going to have to edit some things and polish it up. However, she’s confident she finally has the words she wants to share. 

Lena comes back early. Kara isn’t sure why, but her raven haired friend doesn’t seem open to talking about it. She can tell something is on Lena’s mind though. The woman’s behavior certainly derails Kara’s plan to give Lena the journal/letter she wrote. 

Just another delay. Such is the life they live. The life of a hero.

They make plans to hangout together. Kara invites Lena to her loft to catch up and eat pie. Because…pie! 

The blonde watches her, drinking in her profile. Strong, sharp jawline. Soft, pouty lips. Perfectly manicured brows, vibrant porcelain skin, and shiny ebony locks cascading down her back, a few strands hanging over her shoulder and resting on her collarbone. Lena is without a doubt the most beautiful person Kara has ever seen, across any and all planets she’s been on. This woman captivates her, steals her breath, and owns her heart. 

She must get lost in her observation because the next thing she feels is a soft hand on her forearm breaking her from her trance.

“Kara?” Lena practically whispers, squeezing the hero’s forearm. “Darling, are you okay?”

She clears her throat, her embarrassment no doubt on display across her cheeks, spreading onto her ears. “Umm, yeah. F-Fine.”

Lena cocks her head to the side, patented eyebrow raise in place. “Want to try again? I know you didn’t catch what I said because you undoubtedly would have responded.” She releases the blonde’s forearm before shifting to face her. “Now, tell me what’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours.”

A long, shaky sigh makes its way out of Kara’s mouth. She is unquestionably not going to admit what currently has her distracted. Which means she needs to come up with something that is close to the truth, but doesn’t force her to admit her feelings. Not yet.

“I just, well, I missed you.” She reaches up to adjust glasses that aren’t there before diverting her hand to tuck a stray hair behind her ear. “There’s so much we have to catch up on and it’s a little surreal that you’re here. With me. Right now.” She trails off, the fading blush from a few minutes ago rushing back across her impervious skin. 

A full, gorgeous, dimpled smile spreads across Lena’s face. It’s the smile that Kara used to see all the time during their countless lunch dates and game nights. It makes her heart stutter in her chest, a sight more beautiful than Rao’s dawn on Krypton. 

“I missed you, too. We do have a lot to catch up on.” Lena winks at her before sitting her half-eaten pie on the coffee table. “Do you want me to finish what I was saying or are you ready to tell me what’s got you so distracted?”

“Y-You go ahead and finish what you were saying. We can talk about my scattered brain later.” She gives her most endearing grin, hoping it will persuade her best friend to continue.

It works. They exchange stories for the next couple of hours. Lena shares what she learned about her mother and how apparently she comes from a long line of powerful sorceresses. Kara shares the crazy things they fought and dealt with in her absence along with the plan to get rid of Lex and Nyxly for good. Another night of completely skirting her inner dialogue. 

And so it goes for several weeks afterward. They spend their time working to get rid of the worst Luthor and his psychotic fifth-dimensional girlfriend. In the aftermath of William’s death, losing Lillian, and Alex and Kelly’s wedding, Lena seems to come to terms with her magical abilities and gain confidence in her new identity as the last Luthor standing. 

The good Luthor.

While Alex and Kelly are on their honeymoon, Kara and Lena finally have the conversation both of them have been putting off. 

The two of them are curled up on opposite ends of Kara’s couch, each holding a cup of their preferred tea. They exchange shy, knowing smiles for several seconds before Lena breaks the comfortable silence.

“You know, I used to think the biggest monsters I had to fear were Lex and Lillian.” Lena softly says, running her finger along the edge of her rapidly cooling mug. “Over the past year and especially these last few months, I’ve learned we make our own monsters. We make our own monsters, then fear them for what they show us about ourselves.”

A plethora of emotions swirl in the verdant eyes that look up and connect with concerned, but affectionate blue ones. They revel in brief silence, drinking in the intimacy and vulnerability of their shared space. Two battered souls that completely understand one another in ways no one else can.

Lena takes a deep breath, sits her now cold mug on the coffee table, and pats the cushion next to her hoping Kara will slide closer. She watches as Kara places her own mug down and shuffles across the couch, planting herself close enough that Lena’s knee sits against the side of her thigh. A delicate, pale hand rests on top of a warm tan one.

Kara turns her hand to lace their fingers together, gently squeezing Lena’s in a show of comfort. “I get that, at least I think I do. We’ve both been through so much in our lives, so much trauma.” The hero sucks in a ragged breath, all the things she’s lost flashing through her mind. “We both have wounds that will never show on our bodies. Wounds that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds. But, as painful as they are, they’ve built us into who we are.”

A soft huff and a chuckle of incredulity sound beside her causing blue eyes to shift from their hands to Lena’s half-amused, half-saddened expression. “You’re not wrong, but I wish there was a better, less painful path to get here.” She rolls her eyes at the situation. “I guess part of my point in saying this about Lex and Lillian is that loving and yearning for love can be blinding. Sometimes, I think, we don’t really see how toxic someone is until we finally breathe fresher air.”

Lena lifts her free hand to gently rub soft patterns into the skin on Kara’s hand still clasped in hers. “When I was in Newfoundland, it reminded me that who I am and where I came from are only small pieces of who I want to be. Being in the fresh air, away from the Luthor name gave me a new perspective. It helped me realize some things.” 

A wistful smile spreads across her face as she pauses her ministrations on Kara’s skin. “There is a home no one can take from you, a home that will last. I think who you are, who you surround yourself with, and what you believe in is your real home. For me, that home is you, Kara.” She takes a shaky breath and makes eye contact with the blonde, hoping to convey how truly sincere she is. The raw truth in her statement.

Kara’s breath catches, her eyes glisten with tears. Lena hasn’t actually said the words she longs to hear, but it carries the same meaning. She does her best to collect her emotions and prevent the epic ramble she can sense coming. There is a journal/letter or whatever you want to call it she needs to share with Lena. So. She needs to get herself together. 

Which is hard when Lena looks so stunning. The happiness and confidence that exudes from her without Lex and Lillian looming over her, it makes her more alluring than ever. Kara’s mind constantly drifts to thoughts of ebony locks and viridian eyes.

Rao, Lena has never looked so beautiful. She’s a goddess amongst mere mortals…

She shakes her head and forces herself back to reality.

“You know, I spent a lot of time thinking about things too. While you were in Newfoundland, I mean. Well, and while I was in the Phantom Zone. Lots of time to think there.” She shakes her head, the urge to ramble growing stronger and she wants to do this right. Blowing out a breath and pulling another in, she tries to calm herself before trying again. “I’ve given a lot of thought to having a home and what it really means to me. I always see the same thing, Lena. Your face, your smile. It’s always you. I, umm, I wrote something about it while you were gone.”

Releasing their connected hands proves more difficult than she anticipated, but she manages. She pulls the folded paper from her pocket where it has been since she finished it. Her hope was the right moment would present itself and she could either let Lena read it or read it to her. Now the moment is here and she’s more nervous than her Pulitzer ceremony.

Clearing her throat, she pauses before locking eyes with her best friend and lightly shrugs. “I guess I’m not sure if you want to just read it or if you want me to read it to you. I mean, I’ll do either. Just as long as you know what it says and…” A nervous chuckle escapes and she shifts herself on the couch, turning her body toward her best friend. “What would you prefer? I’m going to be nervous and jittery regardless.”

Lena tilts her head and lifts her hand to her chin feigning thought. “Well, if you are giving me the choice, I am going to choose having you read it to me.” She pats the Kryptonian on the thigh before leaning her elbow onto the backrest of the couch, propping her head in her hand. “If I can listen to your words and hear your thoughts through your voice, I am going to choose that option every time, Kara.”

They laugh and settle into place as Kara unfolds the paper. She knows this is going to change things, she just doesn’t know how much. With one last look at the woman that holds her heart, she begins to read.

--------------------------

Watching her. It’s something I catch myself doing quite frequently. It’s not that I mean to or I do it on purpose. It just happens. She’s always captivated me. Her wit. Her brilliance. Her grace. Not to mention her eyes. Her smile. Her armor piercing eyebrow raise. There are so many things about her that reel me in.

From the first moment our eyes met, the first time my eyes connected with the deep pools of sea green, I knew she was special. Someone important. And that is the moment my world shifted.

Watching her is distracting. She moves with a sense of surety and power unlike any I’ve seen. Her intelligence is a super power very few possess, she wields it with both caution and tenacity. The desire to help others is so innate to her soul, even the sinister Luthors couldn’t break her drive to do good.

From the first time she helped save the city, I knew she was a hero. A woman worthy of respect and honor, no matter the name she was born under. That was the moment I knew we could take on the world together.

Watching her is awe inspiring. She is so willing to give, to help others, to share her inventions and love of science for the betterment of society, for the greater good of the world. She strives to help others, sometimes even at the detriment of herself.

From the moment she put herself on the line for the safety of others, I knew she was worthy of more than what so many hurl at her. Worthy of love, trust, and respect, leagues beyond what the world has given her.

Watching her is life changing. Life has so many twists and turns, nothing is guaranteed or promised. But when I see her, when I watch her teach her goddaughter new things, when I watch her toss her head back in unrestrained laughter, even when I watch tears drift down her pale cheeks…watching her is life changing.

From the moment I first held her in my arms, I knew my life was forever changed. The gift of her smile is priceless, the gift of her trust is sacred, but the gift of her love is divine.

Watching her has forever changed my life, finding her is how I found my home. --------------------------

Kara finishes reading, but is hesitant to look up. She’s not sure how Lena is going to react and doesn’t want to see rejection reflected back at her. It isn’t until she hears a soft sniffle that her head bolts up and her eyes find teary, sparkling green ones. 

Her eyes widen and she reaches out to wipe the tears away. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” The blonde grabs the box of tissues from the coffee table and hands one to Lena. “Are you okay? Do you need me to leave? I can…”

Her rambling words are halted by a soft finger pressing against her lips. She keeps her eyes on the woman the finger belongs to. The mossy pools she’s gotten lost in countless times search her oceanic ones, apparently finding what she needs.

Lena slowly removes her finger, gently lifting both hands to rest on Kara’s cheeks. She presses their foreheads together and sighs. “I guess two lost little girls finally found their home.”

Neither of them know who leaned in first. In the end, it really doesn’t matter. Not when the result is their lips pressing together and a home to call their own.

[waytooinvested]

Forgotten, Not Forgiven - Chapter 9

Rift era reconciliation/fix-it fic in which Kara's memories of Supergirl are stolen and Lena has to rally round to help her get them back. Starts out kind of on the angsty side but there will be more fluff down the line.

This and previous chapters are also on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today was the day.

The Q-wave generator was calibrated, the lab was set up to Lena’s precise specifications, and (after a threat of violence so imaginative and specific it crossed the line from menacing to absurd) Alex had finally stopped blowing up her phone every five seconds with anxious pre-trial reminders, check ins and (on three occasions) comments that Lena suspected were nothing more than an excuse to call her Lulu.

Everything was ready.

Except, as it turned out, Lena.

She had thought she was. Genuinely, in the minutes before Jess had tapped on her door to announce the arrival of her test subject, Lena had been feeling perfectly composed. She had run plenty of trials before, some of them with far greater risk of bad outcomes than this one, and she had been spending one on one time with Kara for weeks now. It should have been nothing.

… Only then Kara had walking into the room, beaming at her like they were about to go to an all you can eat dumplings-of-the-world restaurant, holding out a bouquet of flowers and a large box of macarons (because ‘I wanted to get you something to celebrate the start of your trials!’), and suddenly it didn’t feel like just another clinical trial. It felt like she was about to mess about in her best friend’s brain using untested technology on an ill-defined malady, where a successful outcome would mean the end of every good thing that Lena had experienced since Lex had revealed the truth of who Supergirl was.

It also didn’t help that Kara had arrived dressed in sweats and an oversized hoodie (apparently having taken the suggestion to ‘dress comfy’ to heart), and she looked the way she did at the mid point of one of the sleepovers that used to give Lena hope for more.

Kara lying sprawled on the couch with her head in Lena’s lap as they watched a movie they knew it was too late to start if Lena was going to make it home that night, sipping wine and making up alternative dialogue options when the plot got slow. Finally dozing off together in a tangled heap, someone’s head pillowed on someone’s chest despite the crick-in-the-neck they would inevitably wake up with...

Stop it. It was not appropriate to think about snuggling one’s clinic trial participants, OR one’s traitorous former friends. Not even if they looked as soft and cuddly as a teddy bear in that sweater. Instead Lena accepted the gifts as graciously as she could, then moved swiftly into explaining what would happen during the session before she could start wondering whether being alone together like this (not just one on one in public, but actually alone, without so much as a passing stranger to act as a social buffer) was really a good idea.

They went through the usual informed consent procedure, then Lena showed Kara the Q-wave stimulator and attached transmitter net. It looked similar to an EEG cap, and as far as anyone outside this project was concerned that was all it was, but the technology it contained was entirely unique.

‘You put this on, then after I’ve made some adjustments to make sure the fit is right, you just lie back and relax while I turn on the Q-wave frequency. It should be very gentle – you won’t feel any discomfort, but you might be aware of a slight hum or vibration, and the cap may get a little warm after a while. If it gets uncomfortably hot, or you want to stop for any reason, just raise your hand or call out and I’ll turn it off straight away’.

‘And that’s it? You don’t need me to solve puzzles or read out loud or anything? I just… lie there?’

‘That’s it’ Lena confirmed. ‘We’ll just do thirty minutes this time, but over the next couple of sessions we’ll work up to a full hour. I’m afraid it will be quite dull, but you can always nap if you want to’.

‘That’s okay. Do I need to keep quiet while it’s working, or will we be able to talk?’

‘Talking’s fine, the main thing is just to keep your head as still as possible, so the electrodes won’t shift out of place’.

‘Got it, so yes talking, no practising my dance moves’.

Kara demonstrated an odd flail-y move that involved swinging her head about with such zeal that she sent her glasses skittering off her nose onto the floor, and Lena couldn’t help the undignified little snort that erupted from her as Kara tried and failed to grab them out the air.

‘Yes, that is exactly what you shouldn’t do. Not least because I’m not sure how many hits like that a pair of glasses can take before you cause them irreparable damage’.

Lena knelt to retrieve the glasses from under the cot, but before she could reach them she found her attention catching on Kara’s socked feet where they dangled over the edge. From this angle she could see part of the motto stitched across the underside of each one: “If you can read this, pass the p”.

The rest of the phrase was obliterated by a large hole rubbed right through the heel, but it was easy enough to fill in the blank – partly because of the pattern of dancing cartoon potstickers that left little room for ambiguity, and partly because Lena was the one who had chosen the words in the first place: “If you can read this, pass the potstickers!”. The socks had been a joke gift the Christmas before last that she had spent far more time over than was strictly necessary for something that she’d been pretty sure would get a token wear or two on Chinese takeout feast nights, then disappear into the back of a drawer never to be seen again. And yet here they were again after all this time, not merely a reminder from another era, but clearly a well worn one.

‘You’ll get blisters with holes on your heels like that’.

Kara belatedly tried to hide the worn patch by tucking her right foot up against her ankle, though the left sock wasn’t in a much better state.

‘Sorry, I didn’t think about the fact that I’d be taking my shoes off for this when I put them on this morning. I keep meaning to learn to darn so I can mend them, but I never seem to find the time’.

Lena raised an eyebrow. Who darned in this day and age? She knew Kara didn’t make a huge amount of money as a junior reporter, but she certainly wasn’t struggling with the basics either.

‘Or you could just… buy some new socks?’

‘I have plenty of other socks, but these are my favourites. I don’t want to just throw them out’.

I’ll order you a new pair.

She almost said it, just barely managing to close her teeth around the words before they spilled out. Because of course she wouldn’t be getting Kara new socks. Today was the start of the Q-wave trial, and that meant that Kara would begin regaining her memories soon. There was every chance that by the time Lena had had the custom design made up and shipped over to the States, they would no longer be on gift giving terms.

Besides, she could hardly imagine Supergirl flying out to fight wearing silly smiling potsticker socks under her boots.

Then again, it was equally difficult to picture Kara as she was now – Lena’s Kara – donning Supergirl’s cape and hypocritically unbending moral code, let alone catching falling planes and buildings (and CEOs) when she couldn’t even catch her own glasses...

How many times had Kara risked her life saving those of everyone else in the city, only to pick herself up, wipe the blood from her knuckles and hurry over to see Lena with a laughing apology about buses or snapped shoe heels to explain away her lateness? She had borne the weight of two worlds on her shoulders, and yet still found time to be goofy with Lena, to bring her lunch and invite her to sleepovers and comfort her when she was sad, as if her own burden wasn’t a thousand times heavier than anyone on this planet could ever truly know...

Lena wrenched her gaze away from the holes in Kara’s socks and grabbed the dropped glasses before her distraction became too obvious, though it did nothing to dispel the confusing mixture of tenderness and pain that was beginning to feel a lot more like regret than the rage it was supposed to be.

Somehow she went through the motions of securing the cap and placing electrodes, hearing herself talk through what she was doing as if listening to someone else, while her mind stayed far away. She tried not to notice how close she had to stand to Kara, or the fact that leaning over her like this engulfed her in the familiar smell of coconut shampoo that had always been so much a part of the experience of hugging her that it had once induced Lena to claim that her ideal vacation would be to a beach, despite the fact that her pale skin would frizzle to a crisp if she attempted to sun bathe, and she could never entirely relax around large bodies of water in any case.

It was just that coconut was such a safe, comforting scent, it felt like a vacation in itself.

...Had Supergirl smelled of coconut?

She had carried Lena in her arms often enough that she should have been able to pick it up if she had, but she couldn’t remember one way or the other. Mostly what she remembered of those times was the relief of not being dead, and how inconceivably strong the arms holding her had been, like they could carry her to the ends of the Earth without ever getting tired. Honestly, if she hadn’t been so absorbed by her feelings for Kara she probably would have gone completely weak at the knees over Supergirl, at least before things started going wrong between them. If the whole situation wasn’t so awful it would be almost funny that her crush on Kara had been the only thing keeping her from developing a full blown crush on... Kara.

Lena tightened one final strap and then at last stepped gratefully back to the safe remove of her computer, where the only smells were of cleaning fluid and the lingering traces of the conductive gel she had used when applying the electrodes. Familiar, uncomplicated science lab odours that made her breathing come a little easier.

‘Aw, you stuck pictures up on the ceiling? That’s so nice!’

‘Hmm? Oh. Yes’.

She had almost forgotten about that.

‘It’s such a good idea – do you do this for all your trials?’

‘No, I- just the ones that involve staring at the ceiling’.

In fact, Lena had never even considered it before today, though it wasn’t the first time she had conducted a trial that involved someone lying still with nothing much to look at for an extended period. But for some reason this time it had occurred to her how unbearably boring it would be to stare up at the blank white of the lab’s ceiling for a full hour with no kind of visual stimuli, and had had Maureen from Maintenance stick a few things up.

‘Okay, slight buzz coming, try not to flinch’.

Kara stayed obediently stock still while Lena turned the dial to a gentle starting dose of five biohertz, then checked the readout on her laptop. The waves were targeting the dark S exactly as intended, and there was no indication of any danger-response in Kara’s vital signs. So far so good.

Kara remained rigid to the point that it looked almost painful.

‘Kara, I know I said not to move, but you’re allowed to breath’.

A slight loosening. A hint of a smile.

‘Sorry, I just want to make sure I get everything absolutely right. I mean, I’m helping with something epic right now. Obviously it’s mostly you and all the work you’ve done to get to this point, but I’m honoured to be even a small part of what you’re doing here’.

‘You’re very sweet to say so, but it’s not that big a deal, really’.

‘It is though. Seriously Lena, I am so impressed by you and how much you do to help people. If you weren’t my best friend I’d honestly be a kind of star struck. I mean, you’re basically a superhero with how much good you do in the world, and you don’t even need powers to do it’.

‘I- that-’ Lena started, then stumbled to a halt, unsure how to respond. She was no superhero, and the irony of Kara being the one to suggest she ever could be was enough to leave her momentarily speechless. She would never have said it if she knew...

‘How was work today?’

Kara’s brow knitted at what had to be the clunkiest segue of Lena Luthor’s entire rigorously socially-trained life, but mercifully she didn’t comment. In fact, she answered a bit too quickly and enthusiastically for such a mundane question, as if she was the one who had just made an awkward social blunder and was equally keen to move on from it as swiftly as possible.

‘Oh, things have escalated. I’ve actually been dying to tell you about it all day’.

‘Really? What did Andrea do this time?’

Lena settled back into her seat to listen, simultaneously relieved that Kara had accepted the topic change and braced for a further attack of guilt if she was about to find out that Catco had become the official press champion for kicking puppies, or had established a ‘no smiling in the office’ policy.

‘Just the usual. It’s actually not so much her this time, it’s William Dey’.

‘The new reporter from London? I’ve heard of him, he’s supposed to be really talented. Do you… like working with him?’

She tried to sound casual, but something about the way Kara had said the name made Lena’s hackles rise. As if this was someone who mattered. As if...

‘No. I think he might be evil’.

The response was so unexpected that it startled a laugh out of Lena. It was not at all the direction she had been imagining this would go, and she couldn’t help a little rush of gladness on realising that she wasn’t going to have to listen to Kara gush about her new crush for the next half hour. She might not want her that way herself anymore, but that didn’t mean she would relish hearing about her attraction to someone else.

‘What makes you say that?’

‘Well, to start with he rewrote my article’.

‘He must be stopped!’

Kara chuckled. ‘Okay yes, that bit is more of a petty grudge, but it was a good article, and he puff-i-fied it. It’s not just that though. He always seems to be right behind me, waiting for me to trip up so he can make me look bad and himself look good in front of Andrea. I thought he was just an ambitious ass, but now I think there’s something more going on. Today he pushed us away from a story about the unexpected death of a genetic engineer I interviewed last year. He claimed he’d looked into it and there was nothing suspicious, but… I don’t know. I can’t say why, but I am almost certain he was lying’.

Lena paused then, fingers hovering over the dial she had been about to adjust up to the next dosage level, no longer finding the whole thing so funny.

‘Wait, when you said you think he might be evil – was that just hyperbole or were you being literal?’

‘I honestly don’t know. Evil might be putting it too strongly, but there is something there, and if he really is covering up a murder I don’t think he can be one of the good guys’.

‘Kara, this sounds like it could be dangerous’. And you are not invulnerable right now.

‘Don’t worry, I’m being careful, and James and Nia have been helping me out’.

‘Hmm… Well, if there’s anything I can do to help please let me know. I have a lot of connections that could be useful, and I’d hate for any of you to get hurt over this’.

That didn’t count as getting too involved, right? Not if Lena was the one in control of the offer, and it was over something that could be a genuine danger to people at Catco. A danger to Kara.

‘Thanks, I will’.

Kara was quiet for a little while after that, staring up at the pictures above her. She kept her head perfectly still as instructed, but after a couple of minutes her fingers started fidgeting with the cord of her hoodie, wrapping it round and round her pinkie so that the tip went almost painfully red, until at last she appeared to come to some decision and broke the silence.

‘Lena?’

Her voice shook slightly, and Lena looked up at once, instantly alert, though apart from a slightly elevated heart rate none of the monitors suggested anything physically wrong.

‘What is it, do you need to stop?’

‘No, it’s not that. It’s…’

She paused, releasing her pinkie from its strangulation to reveal white ridges in the flesh where the cord had been digging in, only to start wrapping it round her ring finger instead.

‘We haven’t really talked about… you know. What happened between us. And I wondered if maybe we should’.

‘Oh’.

They had been studiously avoiding any mention of the fight ever since their first lunch date, and Lena had assumed they would continue to do so. It had been something she was both angry about and grateful for as they had started spending more and more time together, because Kara should care. She should think about it, and be sorry for it, and want to make amends for what she had done. But at the same time, there were no amends that could be made, and pretending it had never happened made it easier to build a small, temporary reality in which they were friends again without any of the baggage of their past.

For all Lena had idly imagined them having a deep heart-to-heart about everything when it was just an unlikely hypothetical, faced with the possibility of doing it for real her adrenaline levels spiked as if Kara had suggested they should jump into a volcano. In fact, Lena wasn’t sure she wouldn’t prefer the volcano, if it came to it. It would probably hurt less.

‘I’m not sure what there is left to say about it’.

It came out less certain than she had hoped it would, and although Kara couldn’t turn her head to look properly at her, her eyes swivelled, seeking a contact that Lena wouldn’t allow herself to offer.

‘Don’t get me wrong, I am so, so grateful that we’re friends again and the last thing I want to do is jeopardise that in any way, but I think I might have made you uncomfortable before, and maybe we should talk about that and work it through’.

‘I’m not uncomfortable’.

The last time Lena had been this uncomfortable was after wearing brand new four inch stiletto heels for sixteen hours straight with what had later turned out to be a fractured toe.

Kara continued to pull at her hoodie string, the fabric of the hood bunching as she tugged it too hard to one side, but despite her own evident discomfort she didn’t back down.

‘Okay… I guess I just- I’ve been trying to just accept it because I so badly want us to be back to normal, but honestly I don’t understand how you can just forgive me after I hurt you the way I did. I’m not sure I really deserve it’.

I can’t forgive you. I don’t forgive you.

That was the answer she was supposed to mean (but not say), and while it was still there, it came less easily than it should have. Because of course she hadn’t forgiven the Kara that had spent years betraying every moment of their friendship… But this Kara, as she was now? Well, her maybe Lena could forgive…

Maybe she already had.

She kept her eyes on her monitor, fiddling unnecessarily with a dial to buy herself a few more seconds (though in fact she was doing nothing more than messing with the volume control for an unplugged pulse oximeter’s low oxygen alarm) as she struggled silently to formulate a response that would placate Kara without risking everything she had worked for to get them to this point. This had been so much easier with Alex. The stakes were lower for one thing, because even if they had found there way back to a more or less amicable working relationship, what Alex Danvers thought of her was never something that Lena would lose sleep over. But Kara? Despite everything, Lena still cared far too much to take this lightly.

And of course even if the subject hadn’t been too raw to be touched, it would be hard to have an honest conversation when they were talking about two different fights, and Lena didn’t even know what one of them was supposed to have been about. It did occur to her that with some careful probing this might be the perfect opportunity to find out, but something in her shied away from attempting it. Whatever it was, it would come too close to the ragged hole at the core of her being, and the only way to stop that wound from bleeding was to keep the tourniquet she had made for it firmly in place.

No, talking about it wouldn’t do either of them any good.

‘I appreciate you saying that Kara, but I think we should just draw a line under the whole thing and move on. We can’t change what happened in the past. All we can decide now is where we go from here, and how we can do better by each other this time’.

She was consciously echoing Alex’s (well, probably Kelly-via-Alex’s) sentiment from a few days before, and while she knew that using it in the context of sweeping hurt feelings under the rug would probably not have been the original intention, it seemed to work. Lena watched from the corner of her eye as Kara finally let go of her hoodie cord and allowed her hand to fall back against her stomach, losing some of the nervous tension from her posture as she did so.

‘Alright. I do want us to move forward’.

‘So do I’.

For now.

After that Lena nudged the conversation back towards safer territory, and they talked about the pictures on the ceiling and where in the world they had been taken, then moved on to a game of where-would-I-rather-be-right-now. Kara wanted somewhere with a clear view of stars, and Lena offered up Jasper National Park in Canada, which was a dark sky preserve and far enough north for a good chance of seeing the aurora borealis into the bargain. Lena decided she was in the mood for somewhere cool and green, far from the sticky heat of the city, and Kara suggested Hallerbos Forest in Belgium, which at this time of year should be thickly carpeted in bluebells (this was something she probably shouldn’t have known about without her ability to fly around the world in mere minutes, and Lena had been momentarily alert for the possibility of a returning memory, until Kara added offhandedly that she had come across it during research for an article on the global disappearance of wild spaces).

They carried on in this way, and bit by bit Lena relaxed into it, until they were back to a place that felt mostly normal. By the end of the thirty minutes they were up to 12 biohertz with no signs of any ill effects to Kara, either on the scan or in the questionnaire she filled out after the cap had been removed, and all in all it had been a successful first run. There was admittedly no difference to the black S on Kara’s scan, or any indication of returning memories or powers (assuming otherwise-explicable knowledge of the flora of north-western Europe didn’t count) but that was only to be expected at this early stage.

While Kara was dealing with the mess the Q-wave cap had made of her hair in the next room, Lena sent a quick summary of the first session results over to ‘Annie’, promising the full write up once she was back at home.

Then she and Kara went out for ice cream.

Cherry Garcia for her, a double scoop of cookie dough and rocky road for Kara.

And whether it was down to Kara’s acknowledgement of the hurt she had caused, or simply the relief of something cool and creamy after all the unseasonable heat they had been having, it was the best ice cream Lena had had in years.

[itz-ps15]

A Rescue Bot is Missing!

A Rescue Bot is Missing!

Summary: After being scolded by Heatwave for not being careful and almost putting humans in danger on a rescue mission, judged by the other bots(except Salvage), and the Burns family(except for Cody), and Blurr’s partner Kara(who became his partner after he saved her from a racing accident),she cared for him and gave him a diary to write his feelings,Blurr has had enough and runs away, not knowing his true feelings when he accidentally leaves his diary behind, with a shocking secret!

Blurr was in his room, trying to hide the fact that he was crying oily tears from his eyes after another scolding from the team. He felt, unsure now. “Why… why does this always happen me?” he asked unhappy.

Then, he heard someone’s footsteps coming to him. He turned to see that it was his human partner, Kara.

“Hey Blurr, are you okay?” she asked her partner.

Blurr looked at her and shook his head. “Not really Kara.”

“Let me guess, another scolding from Heatwave?she asked.

Blurr nodded. He felt more insecure at that. “I didn’t mean for those humans to get hurt during the mission. I almost put them in danger Kara!”

“But it wasn’t your intention or fault,” said Kara. “We all make mistakes.”

“But the Burns family and the other rescue bots don’t trust me anymore! They say that I’m reckless, unstable, too fast, selfish, a show off for speed. And I feel way worse everyday with this,” Blurr said trying to hide tears.

Kara put her hand on his leg. “Blurr, you’re feeling upset, and I know how it feels. But I think I have something for you to write those feelings.” She then took something out of her bag. It was a diary in the same shade of purple they liked. It also had race car stickers on it. “Here,”she said giving it to him.

Blurr took it. “What is it?” he asked.

“It’s a diary. Sometimes, you can write all your feelings and emotions in it to make it feel better, I’ve done it a few times,” she said to him giving him a pen to write with.

“Thanks Kara. This may make me feel better,” Blurr said hugging her.

Kara left soon after for bed in her room and Blurr star d at the diary. “I can probably start writing my feelings,like Kara said,” he thought to himself.

Blurr opened the diary, took the pen, and started writing.

Day 1

    Today was another tough day. Another scolding by Heatwave. All I do is think fast. But, I don’t know if they want that. Everyone looks down on me, except for my friends, Cody, Salvage, and Kara. I just wish… that the others could see how I felt and not treat me like someone irresponsible. I may not like responsibility, but I love helping humans. What if… I’m not meant to be a Rescue Bot?

           Blurr⚡️

Blurr closed the diary and got in his stasis pod to gain energy and some rest. But he knew deep down, that the scoldings and harsh pains would only get worse.

The following days, Heatwave kept scolding him for being disorganized and not careful in the missions. But things went too far when he slapped  Blurr and said harshly: “You’re not worthy of being one of us! From now on, you stay in the firehouse! Banned from rescues! Understood?!”

The others looked at them and agreed, and Blurr had tears and ran off to his room.

Salvage then saw everything and went up to Heatwave feeling concern. “Don’t you think you were too harsh and rough with him Heatwave?” asked Salavge.

But Kade,Heatwave’s human partner and the oldest kid in the Burns family spoke up. “Nah, he deserved it.”

“I mean he has been messing up on our missions,”Dani added.

But Salvage felt that this wouldn’t end well for Blurr.

Later that night, as everyone else was asleep,Blurr heard Heatwave talking with Chief Burns.He peeked out and heard their conversation. And what he heard made his heart break.

“Well Heatwave, it’s your team,this is your decision,” Chief Burns told him.

“And I’ve made it, Blurr has to go,” he said. “He’s just wasting time and doesn’t think before acting. He’s just doing what he wants in speed.”

“Well what do you know,” Blurr muttered. “We both agree on something.”

And with that, Blurr knew he couldn’t stand it, and he decided to do one thing, run away for good and go somewhere where no one will find him ever again, but it’d mean to leave Cody and Salvage, and Kara.

So he packed a bag, and put all his belongings, including his diary after writing on it. But he left while everyone was still sleeping so they wouldn’t suspect anything.

But little did he know, that when he changed and transformed in vehicle mode, his diary fell of the bag and was left on the room floor as he zoomed away.

The next morning, Kara and Cody went to go check on Salvage and Blurr for some training and to see how they were. But when they got there…

“Hold on. Hold on,” Kara said to Cody looking in the room. She noticed Blurr’s room empty, not in his stasis pod. “Where’s Blurr?!”

Salvage then came in the room. Holding Blurr’s diary. He seemed upset. 

“I found this on the floor,” he said sadly.

“Th-that’s th-the d-diary I gave him,” Kara stammered. “Uh… you don’t think that?”

“You think he ran away?” Cody asked hesitantly.

Salvage sadly nodded with worry. “I’m afraid he did. But why?”

Back at the firehouse…

“Has anyone seen Cody or Kara?” Chief Brns asked his family and the boys entering in the bunker.

“I think they were gonna go do some training with Blurr and Slavage,” Graham answered.

Heatwave got upset. “But why would they train with him?! He was banned from training and leaving the firehouse for missions!”

Suddenly, the heard footsteps and they turned to see 3 shadow figures. But in fact, it was actually Cody, Salvage and Kara. And Salvage and Kara were in tears that damped their faces, and Kara’s cheeks. Cody was upset as well.

“Why the long faces?” Chase asked.

They couldn’t even speak.

Heatwave noticed the diary in Kara’s arms and asked her, “What is that?”

“Blurr’s diary…” Kara murmured quietly not able to hear.

“His what?” Blades asked getting close to her face.

“His diary!” Kara responded louder. “Blurr is gone! And it’s because of all of you heartbreakers!” She threw the diary angrily to Heatwave’s foot.

“Wait,” Boulder paused for a moment picking up the diary. “What do you mean by he ran away? What’s wrong with Blurr?”

Cody spoke up. “He felt like he didn’t belong, and I think you all made him feel like he wasn’t family or part of the team.”

“Oops,” Dani whimpered realizing this. “Guys, I think they’re right. I think we made him turn all the way around off here.”

Heatwave took the diary and opened it up to read what it said. And what he read, broke his heart and everyone else’s heart shattered and in realization.

Day 7

   Can this day get any worse? Actually, yes it can. Because now I’m banned from rescues because of “my mistakes”! And Heatwave slaps me?! No! Optimus Prime would be disappointed.Why can’t they understand how I feel!? No! I’m done with these people, I’m done with this, I’m not staying any longer! I’ve had enough! Then hearing the conversation with Chief Burns and Heatwave said that I have to go because it’s his team! I eavesdropped and my heart broke! They didn’t even realize! I’m leaving tonight for good, and I’m never ever turning or coming back. Goodbye, Griffon Rock.

     Blurr ⚡️

They all gasped except for Kara, Cody and Salvage who looked at them with concerned and upset expressions.

“Oops,” Dani responded in guilt.

“Oh dear.” Chase said. “Perhaps we were too cruel and mean to Blurr.”

“You think?!” Salvage snapped at them. And this was the first time he screamed in anger. “Blurr is gone now!”

“He’s right,” Blades said as tears came from his eyes.”We were too harsh on him.” He cleaned his tears and whimpered.

“I think that this is probably all our fault.” Graham replied feeling sad about this mistake.

“Our fault?” Kade asked with confusion. He realized and looked down. “Well, I guess it’s probably our fault then.”

Kara’s eye twitched with anger. “Probably?” she started.”Of course it’s not probably! It’s clearly all your fault team!” Kara yelled at them.

Cody tried to calm Kara down. “Kara, please calm down,” he said with concern.

But Salvage stepped up with anger. “No Cody, they’re to blame! Oh and just wait until Optimus finds out! He won’t be happy nor pleased about this!” he screamed.

“They won’t have to wait,” a voice said sternly.

They turned and saw a red and blue truck transform into another Autobot: Optimus Prime!

“O-Optimus Prime,”Heatwave stammered. 

“Do not say anything else, Heatwave,” he commanded. “I have heard everything, and I must say, that I am extremely disappointed in all of you.”

“I tried to warn them Optimus, Kara and Salvage also tried warning them, but they didn’t listen,” Cody responded to him.

“I know you three did,” Optimus Prime said. He turned towards Heatwave, the other bots and the Burns family. “Heatwave, being a Rescue Bot means to help others and understand them, but you all criticized and neglected Blurr. And you’re family, and you don’t treat people nor bots like that.”

Everyone felt guilt and ashamed for what they did. But not as much as Heatwave.

“I never realized how he felt,” he said. “I honestly feel disappointed and ashamed myself.”

“Out of all the things we’ve done to help others, we have failed to see how Blurr actually felt,” Chase responded with sadness and regrets.

Kara then had realization. She opened the diary and checked the content, for clues perhaps. “Come on come on,” she muttered as she kept looking through the pages.

“Is there anything to help us find him?” Graham asked Kara as she looked through the pages and read the notes he put.

“There may be a place he went,” she responded. “Blurr may have gone there!”

“But where is the place at? He could be anywhere on Griffin Rock!” Blades said as he fingers fidgeted.

Then something fell from the diary pages. What was that loose sheet of paper?

“What is this?” Kara asked as she picked were mysterious sheet of paper. She smiled and realized something. “Of course. Salvage look.”

Salvage knelt down and read the paper. “Huh. Blurr is really incredible at this,” he said.

“I see,l”Optimus said looking at the paper. “Who would’ve thought that Blurr was this artistic?”

“What is it?” Boulder asked them.

“A song Blurr has been writing,”Kara responded. “That’s his secret he’s been hiding from you guys that he shared with us. But Salvage has known about it for a while now.”

Everyone paused for a moment, then Blades spoke up!

“Woah, woah woah!” he exclaimed. “You’re telling us now that Blurr can sing?!”

“Yeah! He does,” Salvage responded. “Blurr always had a talent not only in racing and speed, but also for singing. Before meeting you all and before going in stasis, Blurr would sometimes sing every time.”

“Wow, he must be a good singer.” Boulder said looking down sad. He looked at everyone else. 

“We have to find Blurr before something happens to him!” Cody said.

Everyone else agreed.

“Wherever he is right now,” Heatwave said starting, and looking at Kara, “we fix all we’ve said and done to him. I promise that Kara.” 

Heatwave turned to the team. “Rescue Bots, rolls to the rescue!” he yelled.

All the bots changed in vehicle, and it was now time to roll out! We have to find Blurr!

As they hit the roads to search for Blurr, Kara checked the diary to see if there were any clues to where he could’ve gone, but there was nothing.

“There’s nothing in the diary,” Kara said. 

“How are we gonna find him if it doesn’t say any specific place he wrote down?” Kade asked.

Then Cody thought of something. “Guys, we’ve been doing it the wrong way! We’re thinking like how we think.”

Then it hit Graham. “Cody’s right!” he exclaimed. “We have to think like Blurr right now.”

Heatwave nodded. “You’re right! Alright then, where would he be now?”

Optimus Prime said, “We must think like Blurr. Where would he be when he wants to be either alone or if he feels upset?”

They thought for a moment, then something hit Boulder’s mind.

“Wait! He must be in the racing track! He loves speed and racing.” he exclaimed.

 “Then it’s off to the race track,” Heatwave said. “Rescue Bots, race to the rescue!”

They road down to the race track to see if Blurr was there. When they got there, the Burns Family and Kara got out the bots and the bots changed to Autobot form.

“Blurr! Blurr!” Heatwave called out loud. “Where are you?!”

They kept looking for him, but calling him didn’t work, and he wasn’t responding to his comm link. It must’ve been off in the area.

Suddenly, there was a low beep sound near. It sounded like a horn, not just any horn. But it was a car horn.

“That must be Blurr!” Chief Burns said.

Everyone heard the horn and nodded in agreement.

“Then he’s gotta be close by.” Graham replied.

They split up in the race track to find him. Then Blades spotted something.

“Hey everyone!” Blades shouted. He pointed to a tree with a light. “I think I found something here!”

They ran to where Blades was and did see some headlights on the tree behind it.

They got close to see a purple race car with green stripes. It was Blurr! But he had some scratches in his vehicle mode.

“Blurr, you’re okay!” Kara yelled with happy tears coming down.

Blurr transformed in robot mode and didn’t look at his friends.

“Go away,” he muttered trying to hide oily tears in his eyes.

Heatwave got near him and hugged him.

“Why are you hugging me?” Blurr asked looking at Heatwave. “I thought you all hated me. You don’t want me to be a part of the team. I even heard the conversation with you and Chief Burns.”

“Eavesdropping on a conversation, that is unacceptable.” Chase said.

Everyone looked at him. They did not look pleased at what Chase had said.

“Not helping!” Kade mouthed to Chase.

“Apologies Blurr,” Chase replied to him.

“Blurr,” Heatwave said starting as the others went to him.

Cody, Kara, Salvage and Optimus Prime watched.

Heatwave took a dee breath and said to Blurr, “We’re really sorry Blurr.”

Blurr turned to him. “What? Sorry? You think that’s gonna fix anything?!” He crossed his arms.

Boulder went up to him. He hugged him and said, “We were wrong to criticize you. We actually didn’t know what you were going through.”

“We should’ve known, but we were just making the situation worse with hurting your feelings. That we didn’t know how you felt.” Blades replied hugging him.

Blurr looked at his team, and Chief Burns and the family went up to him.

“But you all said that I wasn’t worthy. That I was reckless,” Blurr said to them looking down.

“We were wrong to say those things. But I was wrong to say all that,” Heatwave said to him. “But I was just trying to protect you and the family, and I didn’t think of how you felt first. I’m sorry Blurr.”

Blurr looked at them, and managed a weak smile. “Thanks. But I think it’s gonna take some time for me.” He frowned.

“And why is that?” Dani asked.

“Guys, Kara, Cody and Salvage know this.” Blurr said looking down. “I’ve developed something called trust issues. I’m gonna need time to trust you all again.”

But Chief Burns nodded calmly. “We understand,” he said. “Take all the time you need.”

Blurr nodded and smiled softly. “Thanks guys.”

Kara hugged his leg. “Welcome back buddy!” she said with happy tears in her eyes.

Heatwave put a hand on Blurr’s shoulder. “Let’s get you home now.”

They took Blurr home and he started to feel better. And from then, the Rescue Bots promised to make sure that they could help him get better in gaining his trust again someday.

for @komicantspellanything @cayennesugar @starroola

[dnyane]

Danmachi

Well it's a fantasy world. Even just thinking about it I get butterflies in my stomach. Nodo kara te ga deru hodo. There is nothing about it that I don't like.

A setting where you hunt beasts, infinitely regenerating mindless beasts (it is important because infinite means you are not hurting the eco system, mindless means you are not hurting your conscience, it's not morally wrong (yeah, I know some of them are not mindless, well, it has been portrayed accordingly too, there is a whole fuckin season of moral dilemma)) to mine the corner stone of the human civilization (those little crystal things, they use it as a energy source).

Gods living among the humans. Suffering along with them. Playing their part by being themselves i.e. whimsical. Meddling, Not meddling. But, sharing the fate with their children. Giving them place to belong and to be loyal to. Giving them reason greater than themselves.

A family setting, which is not necessarily by blood. A family where the head is absolute. Which maintains the order. There is no room for politics because maintaining order or ruling the land doesn't have more significance than needed. Governing body is just a means to an end. The real power resides in the efforts. Is up for the grab for every individual. And is unobtainable for those with weak hearts. Anyone can be independent and anyone can be strong on their own. There is no co-dependency leading to ugly conflicts. People are together only because they want to be together not out of forced compromise. You have control over your own life, you wanna die, nobody will stop you, you wanna live, you don't need anyone's constant support. Also, you are constantly near death, by choice, keeps you alive with energy and healthy, physically and mentally. There is no room for mental illnesses caused by the lack of happenings and repeated routines. Peace can mean keeping touch with all of your basic instincts and still flourish as society.

Blessings and level up system like the games. Which is great to establish power balance, and creating a clear line between strong and weak. Efforts directly relating to the strength. Also, it is visible to everyone so that everyone knows whom to respect, and not to mess with. And strength is not different from yourself, I mean, it is part of you, if you are strong then you are strong. e.g. like SpiderMan and not IronMan. IronMan is only strong because of the suit he made. While SpiderMan or Superman are strong by themselves.

A well flourishing world, without the disturbance caused by technology and pollution.

Wide range of characters. And yet not conflicting the overall beauty of plot. No matter how random their actions are from the right and wrong it doesn't disturb the overall justice and moral.

A little Harem but, let's just ignore it in the name of greater good known as "FanService"

Everybody, every character has some purpose in the world, no one is lost or left unattended. Everybody has something to do. Something to keep themselves busy but not feel burdened by the efforts just to keep surviving.

It's a perfect depiction of an ideal world.

[chaotic-super]

The Vampire Woman - 15

Read it on AO3 here!

Kara sits at Alex’s side, her hands clutching one of Alex’s to her chest while she stares down at her sister’s face, now free of blood thanks to Jess.

Jess is lingering around the office, sometimes busying herself by cleaning up and polishing Lena’s shelves of expensive knickknacks and sometimes perching on one of the many chairs around the room but mostly getting up, opening the door and peering down the hallway with the hope that at any moment Lena will come wandering along to come and reassure them that everything is ok.

She hasn’t come up yet and each time Jess waits at the door, she stays there a minute longer, not quite willing to give up on her hope.

Kara has gotten past her initial meltdown about what happened outside but there’s a lot of lingering panic about why she did what she did. She honestly didn’t believe that she had it in her to do something as bad as stabbing a person in her at all so it’s more of a shock to the system than anything.

To be honest, the whole situation has barely sunk in to her, especially the part where vampires actually exist and suddenly she’s being attacked by them all because one vampire attacked her and then felt guilty about it. On top of that, she’s suddenly friends with the vampire that attacked her the first time and friends with that vampire’s assistant.

Kara can’t really deny being friends with Lena at this point now, too much has happened and while a lot of bad things have happened, a lot of terrible behaviours that shouldn’t be overlooked, there’s also a lot to be said for a person who is willing to risk their own life and get seriously injured to make things right and to prove themselves worthy of trust.

She’s not sure how she’ll feel tomorrow but for now, Kara feels fairly confident in calling Lena her friend.

Jess stands up for the millionth time to go and peek her head around the door and Kara is getting a little annoyed at the never-ending tip-tapping of Jess’ heels as she crosses the floor again, the carpet not doing a whole lot to combat the sound of her shoes. “She’s not going to get up here any faster from you pacing around and watching out of the door.”

“I know but I’m worried. It’s been a really long time and she’s alone down there with that other vampire. Maybe I should go and check.” Jess fiddles with the waistband of her pencil skirt, the feeling of it making her feel restricted, the fit suddenly too tight.

Kara shrugs. “I don’t know if we can even be of any help though, Lena’s the one that’s got all of the weird powers.”

“I wouldn’t say that, you seemed to fend for yourself just fine out there, that dagger worked against them.” Jess’ eyes brighten. “I’ll go and get it! It’s downstairs so I’ll get it and then I can go down to Lena and—”

“No!” Kara springs to her feet and races in front of Jess, her hands splaying out on the shorter woman’s shoulders to stop her from getting any closer to the door. “Please don’t. If you want the dagger then I’ll go and fetch it and bring it back up here but you can’t go down to Lena, we have to trust her and let her do what she needs to do. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Jess’ hands take hold of Kara’s wrists, her hands still holding onto her shoulders. “Kara, I need to make sure she’s alright.”

“And I’m not letting you go and get in between two vampires, if Lena gets distracted then what’s going to happen, huh? For all we know, Lillian is still a writhing, screaming mess so she could have it all handled and just be watching over her to make sure she can’t get free. Please don’t go down there.”

Jess shakes her head. “Or Lillian could be holding her captive and she could be in terrible danger, she could need our help.”

Kara glances back over to where Alex is lying across the couch. “Then I’ll go and get the dagger. While I’m there I will see if any of the guards have spoken to Lena. If they haven’t then I’ll take a few down to the lab with me to check on her. I need you to stay here and watch Alex, you’re the only person I can trust to do it.”

“But I—”

“No. It has to be me, you said it yourself, I can fend for myself just fine.” Kara’s voice is strong and the way she’s gripping onto Jess stops her hands from shaking.

Jess doesn’t look sure, she really wants to see Lena and she wants the comfort of knowing what’s going on but when it comes down to it, she doesn’t actually want either of them to go and potentially be in danger. If anyone is going to go though, she’d rather be the one to do it.

“I think I’d better be the one to go, you should stay with your sister in case she wakes up,” Jess argues, her voice lacking confidence but there’s logic in her words.

Kara shakes her head. “I don’t know, Jess. Maybe we should just wait a little longer and then if she isn’t here in like, twenty minutes one of us can go.”

“Go where?” Lena’s tired voice comes from the doorway and Jess has to peek around Kara’s body to see her.

Kara turns quickly and before she knows it she’s striding across to Lena and wrapping her arms around the woman, bloody in places and more than a little bruised in others.

Lena holds her back with a noticeable lack of strength but Kara’s not sure whether it’s because she’s hurt or because she’s afraid of hurting her. “Are you ok, Lena?”

“I’m ok. Are you?” Lena pulls back, making Kara’s hand drag down her arm and in the process, her sleeve rides up and the silver bracelet becomes exposed. Just as it’s about to touch Lena’s skin Jess notices and her hand shoots out to fling Kara’s arm away from the delicate flesh of Lena’s arm.

The sudden movement throws Kara off balance and she begins to fall backwards. Luckily, Lena’s reactions are incredible and even though she’s hurt, she manages to whip her arms out to grab Kara and steady her.

Jess keeps her hand around Kara’s sleeve, keeping the bracelet away from Lena. “Sorry, the bracelet almost touched her.” Jess directs her apology to Kara but she isn’t sorry at all, glad she managed to stop Kara’s hand in time before it caught Lena.

Having the bracelet pointed out to her, Kara is quick to have her fingers flying to the catch, undoing it in a few quick movements and shoving it into her pocket where it can’t hurt anyone. “Sorry, I forgot to take it off.”

Lena is still holding Kara and it’s been an uncomfortable amount of time now so she feels kind of awkward about it, not wanting to suddenly take away the support and have Kara fall but not wanting to take advantage of Kara by being unnecessarily close.

She doesn’t have to think on it for much longer though anyway because soon enough a noise from across the room has them all whipping their heads around and then Kara is stumbling over to her sister who is now groaning slightly as she tries to force her eyes open. “Alex? Can you hear me?”

“Shut up.” Well, at least Alex is her usual darling self. “Ow. What the fu—”

“I was so worried about you.” Kara disregards her sister’s condition just so she can throw her arms around her neck, pulling the older woman close to her and refusing to let go until Alex has wrapped her arms around Kara too. “I thought I was going to lose you.”

“What happened?” Alex asks, relieved when Kara lets her out of the crushing grip she has on her. She notices the two women across the room awkwardly staring at them before she notices that she’s in a room she’s never been in before and she’s lying across a couch she’s never sat on before. “Wait, where are we?”

Kara clears her throat. “We’re at L-Corp, we’re in Lena’s office.”

“L-Corp? Where you’re interviewing the CEO?” Alex is pretty sure she’s still dreaming because this doesn’t really make sense and she’s very confused. “Kara, I’m lost.”

Lena, sensing that Alex needs answers more than comfort right now, steps closer. “Alex, I’m Lena Luthor, CEO of L-Corp. If you tell me what the last thing you remember is then I can fill you in on the rest.”

Alex brings a hand up to her throbbing head, her fingertips finding a particularly tender spot and flying away, not wanting to keep prodding at that spot anymore. “Um, I’m not sure. I was going to Kara’s place after work, I wasn’t planning to but I got dinner and thought it would be nice to watch a movie or something.”

“What next? Do you remember getting there?” Lena prompts her to keep talking.

“I drove to Kara’s place, I got out of the car and went up to her loft. The door was open and then I…I think I went in.” Alex pauses, eyebrows scrunched up as she tries to remember everything that happened. “I think someone was in there but I couldn’t see their face, it was dark, there were no lights on and then I think I got hit with something. I don’t remember anything else.”

Kara looks down at her feet for a moment before looking back up at Alex. “That’s probably a good thing.”

“What do you mean?” Alex coughs a little, “I couldn’t have some water, could I?”

Like magic, Jess is at her side with a glass of water and some painkillers. “Here, this should help a little.”

Alex turns the pack in her hands, checking to see what she’s been handed before humming her approval and taking the recommended dose with the water. “So, what have I missed exactly?”

“Vampires.” Kara blurts out, not sure how else to explain what’s happened other than stating the simple, concise truth.

Alex’s head tilts, angling forward like she needs Kara to repeat herself because surely she must have heard wrong. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Vampires,” Kara repeats. “They’re real and they’re after me so they took you when you went to my place to try and blackmail me into giving myself up. Lena and I fought them off.”

Alex’s mouth drops open. “Say all of that actually is the truth, why would the CEO of L-Corp help protect you from vampires? Not that I actually believe in that crap.” Alex folds her arms, her head pounding and Kara’s fantasy tales not helping when she needs real answers.

“She’s a vampire and she attacked me when she was blood-starved so she’s making it up to me.” Kara’s answers are direct and technically answer Alex’s questions but they leave her with more questions.

Lena drags a chair closer to the couch where Alex is now half sitting up and takes a seat. “Alex, it’s true.” She bares her fangs, showing them off and offering her wrist up to the human. “Feel, I have no heartbeat.”

Hesitantly, Alex does just that, her fingers sure of their path as they press against the freezing cold skin of Lena’s wrist, finding no heartbeat no matter how many times she adjusts her grip. “What? That can’t be right, can I try your other wrist?”

Rather than argue or try to convince Alex with her words, Lena lets Alex come to the conclusion on her own, offering her other wrist for her to try.

The other wrist is just as fruitless and that along with the fangs has Alex staring at her wide-eyed for a moment before her expression darkens. “I get it, you’re a vampire and it’s true, now you have to explain yourself because you attacked my baby sister, bitch.”

Alex pitches forward as though she’s going to lunge but because she’s still weak, all Kara has to do is push back with a hand in the centre of her chest and she falls into the back of the couch. “Don’t. Lena and I have been working through it and we’re kind of friends now.”

Lena’s head snaps up and she stares into the side of Kara’s face, surprised that Kara really sees her that way and elated that it means that Kara no longer sees her as just a bloodthirsty vampire now, she sees her as a person. A person that’s done a lot of bad things in her long life but one that is also capable of good. It creates a feeling in her chest that she scarcely feels anymore, a feeling that can only be described as warm.

“We fought the vampires outside about an hour ago and now we’re safe, the whole building is locked down so we’re completely safe. No other vampires can get inside.”

Kara’s lips twist to one side because Lena’s statement makes her wonder. “Lena, what’s happening with Lillian?”

Lena gulps. “Can we talk about it later? I’ll get us some coffee or tea if you’d prefer. Maybe you should try to get some sleep, it’s late, all of you should actually.”

The way Lena evades the question puts both Kara and Jess on edge. Alex is pretty oblivious and she’s gone back to feeling sorry for herself and trying to wrap her head around everything she’s been told so she doesn’t care enough to read into it, the others though, they’re more than curious.

“Is that something you need right now?” Kara asks, searching Lena’s face, “do you need some space to process and think before we talk more?”

A nod confirms her suspicions and Jess accepts that just as easily as Kara does. They both want to know but Lena has been through a lot, not just mentally but also physically, she needs time to recover too.

“Then we will give you some space. Shall we go and set up in the conference room on the floor below us?”

“The one with the lounge full of couches perfect for sleeping on?” Lena asks, head dropping into her hands.

“That’s the one,” Jess confirms, her brain working the same way Lena’s is, finding the closest room suitable for resting in. “It seems like a good place for everyone to be able to relax a little and you can stay up here and do the same or come down with us, it’s your choice.”

“I’ll meet you down there.” Lena makes up her mind quickly, in serious need of some time alone. As soon as she came up from the lab she checked on the guards, did a quick check that they were all accounted for and unharmed and then came right up here to check on Jess, Kara and Alex so she needs to be alone for a little while.

Kara stands from where she was crouched beside Alex, her legs tingling as the blood runs back into her joints. She helps her sister move herself on the couch until she’s sat up and then wraps Alex’s arm over her shoulders so she can heave her up. “Come on, you. Let’s get you somewhere you can rest properly and then we can talk more after.”

Alex tugs her arm away from Kara as soon as she’s upright, “I can walk, Kara.”

Jess squeezes Lena’s arm softly as she passes her so she can show the Danvers sisters where lounge to the conference room. “Hey, don’t shut us out, take the time you need and then come downstairs.”

“I will. I’ll explain everything later, I promise.”

“Good, now get some rest,” Jess demands, heading for the door.

Since Alex is determined to prove that she can walk on her own and that she doesn’t need any help, she marches off after Jess, giving Kara chance to speak to Lena quickly. “Hey, thank you for what you did out there.”

“You too, we wouldn’t have gotten out of there if you hadn’t done what you did.” Lena shrugs.

Kara swallows harshly. “What I did out there, it was—” She shakes her head. “I don’t know why I did that when I don’t think I needed to, I have a lot of soul searching to do. It does make me more understanding though because before this I didn’t think that people could have morals and do terrible things I think I’ve just fallen into that category. I’m sorry I was so harsh to you.”

“Don’t be, I deserved it and while you don’t think you needed to, you did. We have natural instincts for what needs to be done in fight-or-flight situations. You fought and your gut told you what to do, I’m certainly not going to hold that over your head.” Lena offers up a tiny reassuring smile. “Don’t beat yourself up, process it as much as you need and then forgive yourself. You hating yourself won’t help anyone.”

“I’ll try,” Kara says softly, turning for the door and hoping that Jess and Alex have waited up because she has no idea where she’s going.

Sure enough, Jess and Alex are in the elevator, Alex leaning heavily against the wall and closing her eyes.

“Sorry, thanks for waiting for me.” Kara mumbles and takes her place next to Alex.

“Not at all,” Jess replies, hitting the button for the floor below them and keeping her eyes fixed forward onto the doors, exhausted and grateful that once she’s got everyone settled, she can take a couch for herself and maybe get a couple of hours of beauty sleep in before something else inevitably goes wrong for them, nothing seems to be working out at the minute, but then again, they’re all still alive and that’s an achievement in and of itself.

The doors open with a ding and Jess takes them down the hall and to the lounge. There are five couches lined up around the outside of the room with a coffee machine, mini fridge and a table of assorted snacks laid out nicely across one side, clearly, this is where meetings with people that have too much money often take place, well the conference room attached to here but they wait here.

Jess opens her arms when they get inside. “Pick a couch, any couch.”

For early access to more chapters of this fic and all my other fics, click here!

[the-white-soul]

*Flowey nods thoughtfully.* We’ll isolate Noelle from everyon, but let Kara do what they want unless it means visiting Noelle. Let’s just tell them Noelle is taking time somewhere to prepare to storm the prison! We would hop in and out of her room to whisper horrible things that Kara did but didn't actually do, or things Kara said about Noelle that he didn't say.

*A river of excitement runs through Flowey just thinking about the look on poor Noelle’s face once they’re though. He imagines her bent over herself sobbing pathetically, so hopeless and vacant after what could be a full day or two without seeing anyone but Flowey and Frisk. She'd be so desperate she wouldn't even be able to help herself. Maybe she’d start clawing at herself, overwhelmed by the words Flowey would put into her head. If he does it right, Noelle might even begin to distance herself from Kara out of her own free will once she is freed. A sadistic look forms in his eyes.*

Yeah, I like this idea. You have good taste.

*He suddenly stops for a moment, as if he only just heard Frisk.* Hey, wait, to get her ready to kill Jack? Why do we need her when I could still do it?! I’d get the job done just as well. We’re just not doing it because his crew might bring a backlash and kill hundreds of monsters in return.

(Frisk) "Any bit of power is good. When I say 'Jack' I mean the entire police force. It's just that he commands them like puppets so I consider them the same. Also, 90% of the reason I want this is to torture Noelle. I've got plenty of ideas. You made me even more inspired! You really are a devil, aren't you? How much food do you think? I feel like we should give her chicken. Frozen chicken! *Laughs* But seriously if we want to be homicidal maniacs I've got the idea of not giving her any food. I don't know how long she'd survive though. We can give her one meal a week. That should be pretty funny. If we want to say things to her maybe we can tell her that Kara died in battle and hated her? Nah, she'd see through our shit. Wait, I've got an idea! We could make a sculpture hand of Kara and put it in front of her. I don't know how well your drawing skills are. Putting her in a white room would be fun. I don't know how much of her sanity is needed for anything. In fact, you're right we don't need her. We could mess her up completely! *Takes a deep breath after talking without breathing enough for too long* So many options. I haven't even talked about how long we should have her. 3 months? 3 years? Hell, if you think about it, Noelle has only made Kara's life worse. What if we kept her trapped, forever?"

[thatonebirdwrites]

Kara stared at the post about the golden potato. Will it really bring her luck? Should she repost it? She doesn't know exactly how luck works on the planet Earth.

Krypton's superstitions were looked down upon, but that didn't sop them from existing. Like the pouring a handful sand in front and behind before a long journey to ensure safe travels. Or the prayer to Rao each time a rainbow was sighted, since rainbows spelled good fortune. Rain had been sparse on most of Krypton, since a lot of it was desert.

Or Kara's favorite involved a visit to Crystal Mountain, and those pure of heart would mine a crystal for luck. Kara, because of the fact she'd lied about her identity, felt she wasn't pure of heart enough for that luck activity. But the golden potato? She chewed on her thumb and considered. She really needed luck right now. Lena had been poisoned, and Kara barely got her to Alex in time to save her.

Except, Lena had been partially conscious for the flight, and guessed Kara had taken her. For once, Kara didn't lie. She didn't dispute it. Instead, she had sat down, looked at Lena in anguish, and said, "You were poisoned. Gosh, you almost died. I barely got you there in time. Are you sure you're okay?" Lena's response was to stare at her and stare at her some more, until Kara was so uncomfortable that she was tempted to fly out the window right there in her civilian clothes. James had tried to come up with some explanation, but Lena had ignored him as if he didn't exist in the room. "I think," Lena said, carefully, "that I should go rest before I deal with the poisoning. Kara, will you be so kind as to take me home?" So Kara did that. As in, she swapped to her supersuit and just flew Lena home because that was what she meant, right? Lena clung to her with her eyes tightly closed, and the moment they landed on her loft's balcony, Lena staggered away, her face pale.

"Not quite what I meant, but thank you." She swiped her thumb over the keypad, and stumbled again. Kara caught her arm and helped her to the nearest resting spot - the living room. Lena collapsed onto her sofa, pale as a ghost. "Cold still," she muttered. Kara supersped into her bedroom and deposited the comforter on Lena, tucking it around her. Lena's eyes widened, and she stared at Kara again. Kara's response was a stammered mess, "Lena, please, please don't be angry or hate me. I just -- at first I wasn't allowed to tell anyone. I have to hide my heritage. And they - they make everyone sign NDAs and - and I didn't know how to tell you. Oh, golly, Alex will be so mad, bu you deserve to know! You more than anyone!"

Kara had to refrain her urge to pace, so instead wrung her hands and fought back an urge to cry. She couldn't lose Lena. She mattered far too much to Kara.

Lena's eyes narrowed. "I see. Kara, I need a day or so. If you would be so kind to bring me wine, a cup of water, and my facial wipes in the bathroom, I'd like to just rest for a bit." Kara nodded. In her anxiety, she used superspeed again. Why hide it if Lena knew now? Gathered the items along with a few of Lena's fruits in a bowl on the table by the sofa. She lingered for a moment, wondering if there was something else she should say. Lena sighed and pointed to the door. "Please Kara." She nodded. "Okay," her voice weak and scared. "I - I'll always be here for you, you know? Always." That got the stare again. No smile, no sign of comfort, just another intense stare. Kara took her leave then, and flew home in anguish. It had been two days and 7 hours since then. Kara wasn't sure what Lena's response meant. Was she angry? Upset? What if Lena hated her now? Could the golden potato save her from such a fate? Would it give Kara luck? Give her the courage to talk it through somehow and reconcile with Lena?

Kara decided it couldn't hurt. She needed all the luck right now. Not only for her and Lena's friendship -- please don't let this break it! -- but also to figure out who was trying to kill Lena again. Why couldn't the world leave Lena alone? She deserved to live in peace without someone trying to kill her quarterly!

Kara hit repost, closed her eyes, and honed in on Lena's heartbeat. It was a steady beat of someone asleep, and it brought Kara only a fraction of its usual comfort.

...oOo...

Alex: Kara, why did you post a golden potato? You do know that's just a scam and not real?

Kara: You don't know that! It might just bring luck! I can't risk it. We need all the luck we can get.

Alex: ... is this a superstition of yours? Like from your... you know?

Kara: There's no equivalent really. But I believe in the golden potato! It's going to work.

Alex: what do you need it to work for? What's going on?

Kara: Nothing.

Alex: Right. You only say that when something happened. Spill it.

Kara: Nothing! I'm just waiting on an answer from Lena. Besides, don't you think the golden potato is kind of cute looking?

Kara: I mean, it's gold right? do potatoes come in gold? Are they made from gold? Can humans eat gold? I did a search and there was this article about rich people sprinkling gold flakes on their food. I thought metals were poisonous to humans? Is that not true? I wonder what gold even tastes like. Maybe I should sprinkle gold flakes on my donuts!

Alex: I don't even know how to respond to that.

...oOo...

Lena: We should talk. Or do I just call your name like I do with Supergirl?

Kara: omg, Lena, yes! we should! Either works, I'll be right there!

Lena: Wait, I meant we should plan -- and there you are

...oOo...

Kara didn't really think it through when she got the text. She flew immediately to where she heard Lena's heartbeat, which happened to be the balcony of her loft. It was late in the day, and she hadn't seen Lena at work, which made sense since she almost died.

Relief that Lena had taken at least a few days rest.

But, well, whoops. Maybe she should have asked when and where to meet first. Is it intrusive to listen in on her best friend's heartbeat? Then fly to her location based on it? Well, it was done now. Lena was looking up at her, while Kara floated above the balcony.

She hoped that golden potato ramped up her luck today. Because she really didn't want this to be a bad conversation. She desperately did not want to lose Lena. Just the thought of it had her close to a panic.

She dropped onto the balcony and tugged on her cape. "Uh, so, here I am?"

Lena leaned against the railing, her hair in soft waves down her back, and she wore a red robe over her sleep clothes. "Yes, I suppose you are here." She sighed and looked down toward the street. "You saved my life again."

"I always will. As long as I breathe."

"I see that." Lena rubbed her finger along the metal railing. "I admit, I had a suspicion you two were the same person, but I wanted to hear it from you. Were you ever going to tell me?"

"Yes. I couldn't figure out when. And technically I'm not supposed to be telling anyone. But I just- you almost died!" Kara couldn't keep the fear and anguish from her voice. She stepped toward Lena, one hand outstretched, but then she grabbed the railing instead, uncertain if Lena even wanted her touch. "I - I had to use ice breath to induce hypothermia. Otherwise, no - I won't even consider it. You aren't allowed to die on me. Nope, I won't let that ever happen."

Lena looked up at her and a small smile teased her lips. "I see." For several minutes, she only studied Kara, as if weighing something in her head.

Kara held her breath in a desperate hope.

Finally, she straightened and held out her hand. "So, let's start over. I'm Lena Luthor. And you are?"

Kara let out her breath in a gust of cold air, confused. "Um. You know me...?"

Lena rolled her eyes. "Humor me. Tell me your true name and whatever you feel comfortable saying about your past."

"Oh! Oh, gotcha." Kara grasped Lena's hand and tried not to crush it in her excitement. "I'm Kara Zor-El Danvers. I did take my adopted family's last name. But Zor-El is my actual family name. I'm from Krypton. Or was. It's -- it's not there anymore. I - I saw it explode as my pod was leaving. I was thirteen. Sent to care for my baby cousin, except I got stuck in the phantom Zone when I was knocked off course. Time doesn't exist there. Found out twenty-four years had passed when I got out, but I was still thirteen and my cousin was no longer a baby. And no longer needed me, and so I got dumped on the Danvers, but I wasn't allowed to talk about Krypton. I had to stay a secret, and the powers came suddenly and overwhelming. It was awful at first, no one spoke my language, and I struggled with learning English. Alex hated at first, and I was probably awful at the time. Being a teenager, thrown into a new culture, grieving an entire planet..."

Kara realized she was rambling in her anxiety. Whoops.

She looked down, embarrassed. "And here I am telling you my life story, and did you want to know all this? is it okay? Am I being too much?"

Lena stared at her again, her hand still gripping Kara's. "Wait, your planet exploded? And you were trapped somewhere for twenty-four years?"

"Yeah." Kara's shoulders drooped. "Reliving the death of my people. Like I said, time doesn't exist there. I was thirteen the entire time. But well, the universe keeps moving forward despite it. I don't know for sure why my pod fixed itself and finally came to earth. Well, I have theories, but we'll probably never know."

"I'm sorry, Kara." The sympathy in her voice hit Kara hard, and all the grief that Kara still had rumbled to the surface. She didn't realize she was crying until Lena stepped forward and wrapped her in a hug. "Hey, hey, I'm sorry." She rubbed circles into Kara's back.

Kara clung to her, and for the first time in a long while, cried about the loss of her people. The loss still left a massive hole in Kara, and some days she wondered why she was and Kal were allowed to live but no one else. Had anyone else escaped? Kara hadn't found any proof of it. And it hurt. It's why she tried so hard to save everyone, to cling to those she loved out of fear of loss.

Her sobs slowly quieted. "I'm sorry," Kara pulled away and rubbed her eyes. She felt a rush of shame. "Breaking down over something long gone."

"It's okay. Grief doesn't just go away," Lena said, gently. She rubbed her thumb over Kara's cheek. "I still cry over my birth mother's death. She died when I was four. Not at all the same, but..."

"But it still hurts?" Kara whispered.

Lena nodded. "Grief works in strange ways," she said, quietly. "It comes and goes like the tides."

"Yeah, yeah, that's a good way to describe it." Kara managed a small smile, her voice still shaky from the adrenaline of flying and crying. "Thank you for - for letting me share that."

Lena nibbled on her bottom lip. "Of course." She tugged on Kara's arm. "Why don't we go instead and eat? There's more I'd like to talk about, if that is okay with you."

"Yeah, of course!" Kara tilted her head to listen to the city, but she couldn't hear anything that might require Supergirl. "I could use some food honestly."

Lena opened the balcony door. "Oh, this explains your endless appetite. You need more calories than a human?"

Kara nodded. "Yeah three times the amount."

"three times?" Lena stared at her again. "Kara, are you even able to eat enough in a day?"

Kara followed Lena inside. "Um. Not always. It's why I'm often eating. It's hard to eat enough at each meal."

Lena frowned. "Maybe I can help with that."

Kara wasn't sure how, but she believed Lena could do it. She could do anything if she put her mind to it. It was one of the many things she loved about Lena.

To her surprise, Lena opened a cupboard in her kitchen, and it was full of all of Kara's favorite snacks. "Oh, oh, Lena, wow, this is amazing. Thank you."

"I started keeping some here just in case." Lena anxiously played with her fingers. "Kara, I just want you to know I will keep your secret. And if you want to talk about Krypton, I will listen."

Kara picked up a bag of chips but froze when she heard those words. The words no one had said to her since she was left with the Danvers. "Wait - wait, you will?" She turned to Lena, tears in her eyes again. "No - no one has ever said that to me. I've had to hide it all. Pretend to be human. Mourn in silence. I - I don't even talk about it much with Alex."

Lena studied her for a long moment. "You don't have to hide from me, Kara. I admit, some of this is selfish. I do have a lot of questions, but I also want you to feel safe with me. Like how you've made me feel safe. And I would like your help as well. To track down who poisoned me. If that is agreeable to you?"

Kara nearly crushed the bag in her hand. She sniffled. She always felt safe around Lena, but to hear those words? "Oh gosh, Lena, I love you."

Oh Rao. She hadn't meant to say that out loud. Her face turned pink.

"I mean..." Except Kara didn't know exactly what she meant, only that it was true. She did love Lena, very much so.

Lena stared at her for a long moment, her expression one of surprise and wonder. Tentatively, she reached out to lightly touch Kara's cheek. Her thumb rubbed against the skin as if to wipe away Kara's tears again. "I - I love you too, you know."

Wow, this was amazing. Kara grinned, unable to stop herself. She felt like she was floating.

Actually, she was floating. Whoops, she dropped back onto her feet.

Alex was so wrong; that golden potato was magic. Its luck giving was legendary. That had to be the reason why this was going so well.

Lena looked amused now. "Do you always float when someone says I love you?"

"Um, only for you," Kara admitted.

Lena's eyebrow rose. "I see." She stepped closer and studied Kara again, that intense look that made Kara wonder if Lena was the one that had x-ray vision not her. "May I kiss you?" She blurted it, and immediately looked anxious, biting her lower lip.

Kiss? Kiss Lena Luthor?

Sure, Kara had woken up from pretty intense dreams about that. But wasn't part of hiding as a human meant living up to social norms? She thought she had to pretend to be straight for that to work. So if she kissed Lena, would it ruin their friendship?

"Are - are you sure its okay?"

Lena's eyebrows rose. "Kara, I asked you." She laughed then. "Why are you asking me if it's okay if I kiss you?"

Kara realized how silly that was, and had no idea what to say in response. So she instead leaned forward and just kissed Lena. A small peck on the lips.

Surprise filtered across Lena's face, but then she kissed back.

And Rao, Kara was so not prepared for how fantastic it felt. She pulled Lena closer, held her tighter. Kara felt like the sun itself poured its rays into her.

Yup, that golden potato's luck was exactly what she had needed.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

How to improve the mentorship arc, an essay by me

What doesn’t sit well is that we haven’t really seen Kara acting as a star reporter long enough to justify her being assigned junior reporters to mentor. They did the best they could with the opening montage, but we didn’t see any hard-hitting questions, and seeing the effects of her work ethic just isn’t enough to justify not seeing the ethic for ourselves.

So, how do we preserve the Kara-as-a-mentor arc without making it feel forced?

Let her stumble into it. There’s a new batch of reporters coming in, and she runs into one in the elevator. She spots Nia’s coffee-stained skirt and goes “ohhhhh no, no, no, I’ve got a trick for that” and pulls out an old executive assistant’s trick to remove/hide the stain.

She runs into Nia again in the breakroom, and starts conversating, and Nia shares why she wants the fashion piece. Kara is blown away and goes “that, do that”.

Kara is part of the pitch meeting (not observing like a school principal, wtf), and looks expectantly to Nia when fashion comes up. That scene can play out the exact same way, except the follow up happens in the women’s bathroom a little while later. 

And Kara does offer advice. Not as a quote-unquote Mentor, but as someone who has been in Nia’s shoes. “I get that it can be scary to put yourself out there, and risk rocking the boat. I was the exact same way. I was so worried about being the best that I can be that I didn’t give myself the room to make mistakes.”

“What changed?” Nia asks.

“I realized that no matter what I did, no matter how safe I tried to play it, I was going to mess up. There would always be something for Snapper to criticize. Knowing that took enough of the fear away that I could make myself take risks. And I did mess up. A lot! And at times it was awful, but making mistakes is how you grow, and improve. It made me a better reporter, and it will for you too... you just have to have enough faith in yourself to take the leap.”

And the episode would end with the next pitch meeting, where “more popular than oprah” girl pitches another rival article, but this time Nia takes a deep breath, raises her hand, and tells James why her own idea is better. James agrees, and Kara shoots Nia a smile and reassuring nod.

Aced it.

[trashpandato]

Stop talking

Six years of yearning, of building up to something that stays left unsaid, of stolen glances across the room, of not-so-subtle acts involving offices full of flowers and buying an entire media company, and in the end, all it takes is a killer headache and one signature run-on ramble.

The headache starts before Lena is even fully awake. It’s Thursday and it’s already been a week from hell at the office, and when she feels the first telltale signs of pressure behind her eyes just as her alarm goes off, Lena knows she’s going to have to dig deep into her toolbox to get through this day in one piece.

The first hit of caffeine helps a bit, and so does the shower. After that, Lena tries her best with a combination of ibuprofen, hydration and drawn blinds in her office. She is able to keep the headache at bay through two morning meetings, but by early afternoon, she is beyond cranky.

“I cannot believe that bloated, egocentric ass thought he could one-up me during my own pitch.”

“Lena,” Sam sighs into the phone, “let it go. You ripped him a new one in front of the entire group. Hopefully, he’s learned his lesson.”

Lena growls but Sam interrupts before she can get another word in. “You should go home. Give that head of yours a rest. Your foundation will survive one afternoon without you.”

“But —.”

“No, Lena. Trust me. Go home. Before you burn any bridges you still need.”

Lena knows Sam has a point. In the mood she’s in, she’s bound to go on a rampage that she might regret tomorrow.

“Okay, okay. You’re right.”

“Duh. Of course I am. Now, go. Text me if you need anything. Love you, Lena.”

Sam is definitely right. Lena goes home, closes the blinds and sinks into her bed for a nap and she feels better almost immediately. The pain behind her temples dulls into a more manageable thrum and she can feel the muscles in her jaw relax for the first time since that morning. In fact, she feels so much better that she doesn’t cancel her dinner plans with Kara. It’s just take-out and movies at her place anyway, so she can keep things low key enough that it should be just fine.

Or so she thinks. She didn’t factor in Kara’s ability to launch into a non-stop ramble from the minute she walks through the door. It starts with a story about the restaurant being out of Lena’s favourite noodle dish and morphs into detailed accounts about Kara’s day at CatCo that only briefly stop whenever Kara stuffs bites of food into her mouth.

Sometime during the second story about a coworker that tried to take advantage of Kara’s more hands-off supervisory style, Lena’s headache comes roaring back with a vengeance. She doesn’t finish her food and ignores the wine Kara poured for her, opting for water and resting her head against the back of the couch instead.

“And you know how I am. I’m not Cat. I didn’t want to be all ‘bitchy boss’ with him, but he kind of gave me no choice so I went over to his desk, and Lena, his desk is such a mess, I don’t even know how he keeps track of his notes and sources, but that’s another story, though I should definitely talk to him about that, too, and I —.”

Lena snaps. They’re on her couch, facing each other, and Lena doesn’t think, she just surges forward and crashes their lips together, her fists curled into Kara’s shirt to hold her in place.

When it hits her, really hits her that she is kissing Kara, fully and truly kissing her, Lena’s first instinct is to panic. She should pull back, move out of Kara’s space, and apologize. She can explain it, blame it on the headache and the pain-induced lack of impulse control.

But then two things happen at once: it’s quiet, blissfully quiet and Lena sighs. But also, Kara is kissing back, and it’s the last thing Lena expected to happen.

She feels warm hands snake around her hips, pulling her closer, to the point where she is almost sitting in Kara’s lap. Lena tries not to think too much about how badly she really wants to reposition herself so she can straddle Kara properly. The heat radiating off Kara’s body is burning its way through Lena’s blouse. She’s going to need a cold shower after this. But right now? There’s no way Lena can stop, so she doesn’t.

It’s Kara who pulls away first. She looks dazed and her entire face is flushed red and Lena thinks she’s never seen anything more beautiful in her life. Lena is breathing hard, and she shakes her head in an attempt to restart her brain that can’t seem to form coherent thoughts anymore.

“So,“ Kara starts, but on instinct Lena moves back in for another kiss. She’s not ready for this to end just yet.

“Later,” she whispers against those soft, soft lips, and Kara just smiles.

They do talk about it later, after the second kiss turns into a heated makeout session and Lena has to use all of her willpower to stop so they can check in with each other. When Kara asks her what brought on her sudden surge of confidence, and adds “not that I’m complaining, I mean, I hope you can tell I’m not opposed to this at all”, Lena silences the incoming ramble with two fingers against Kara’s lips.

“I know you’re not opposed. At least I hope that sliding your hands under my shirt is a good sign in this context.” Lena smirks when Kara’s eyes go wide, but she pushes on. “Honestly? I’ve had a monster headache all day, and you, I’m so glad you are here and that you brought food, but you were talking non-stop and, and I just needed a few seconds of silence?”

Kara’s eyes dart back and forth between Lena’s, clearly processing what Lena just admitted. Lena slowly removes her hand from Kara’s mouth.

“Are you telling me you only kissed me because I was too loud?”

“Kara. I’ve wanted to kiss you since, since that day you came to my office with donuts. During Lillian’s trial.”

Kara opens and closes her mouth a few times, and in the end only manages a simple “oh”.

Lena laughs. Six years of deploying just about every flirtatious gesture in her repertoire and she still needs to spell it out for Kara.

“But yes. I guess tonight, I kissed you because it felt like a good way to get you to shut up?”

“Well, maybe you should continue to, um, ensure that I won’t launch into the next story about my day.”

The suggestion is paired with a cheeky grin that makes Lena chuckle. She leans forward again. “I can do that.”

She’s never been more grateful for a damn headache in her life.

[from-a-reckless-writer]

iii. Luthor

read on ao3

She got hit by a bus. She definitely got hit by a bus.

No, no, wait.

She's-

"You're awake. Oh, thank God."

When her eyes blink open, it's to the extremely bright florescent lights of the DEO med bay. Senses come back to her slowly; the sharp smell of alcohol, the dry cool sheets against her skin, and Alex.

Alex's voice, then her heartbeat.

She tries to sit up but Alex puts a hand on her shoulder, gently pushes her back down.

"Ugh," she groans as dizziness overtakes her. "How long was I out?"

"30 hours, give or take. You need to take it easy, Kara,” her sister sighs. “You’re lucky we got to you when we did. Lillian got away though, I’m sorry.”

“T-they had Kryptonite, Alex.”

“I know.”

She breathes in deep, lets it out through parted lips, hand coming up to massage her temple.

“Lena? Where’s Lena?”

“Nia said she found her passed out on your bed,” Alex says, adjusting the sunlamps so it isn’t glaring into Kara’s face. “She’s been staying vigil by your side since yesterday. That woman needs to learn how to rest. I swear to God, the both of you—”

“What?” she asks.

“I wanna go home,” she tells her. Alex makes a sound of protest, so Kara argues, “You know you hit two stones with one bird if you keep us together.”

She hears Alex halt in her movements.

She squints against the remaining brightness of the unadjusted sunlamp. Her sister arms frozen mid-way.

Alex is giving her a strange look.

Alex’s eyes narrow at her.

“What did you say?” Alex demands. “Just now, what did you say? Did you say two stones with one bird?”

Kara shakes her head, trying to clear her thoughts enough to rewind back the last few seconds. She finds she can’t remember. She was saying something about Lena, about-

Going home?????

Her head feels fuzzy. Heavy.

“Mm’sorry must still be a bit out of it.”

“I’m doing another scan,” her sister says, words final and Kara groans loudly.

“Ughh, Alex. Please. I want to go home. There’s probably nothing wrong.”

Alex wheels her out nonetheless.

******

Something is wrong.

Something is very wrong.

“Alex?”

She doesn’t understand, why is- why does Alex look like that? Alex’s eyes are bloodshot. What- Why is her head fuzzy? Why is she-

She pulls a hand to her temple. She can’t. A metallic clang echoes.

She’s cuffed; strapped and held-down. There are restraints around her ankles, her waist even.

And then it occurs to her, the whole room is bathed in red.

Red sun emulators.

What?

Why?

There is a familiar buzzing in her ears, too. Tinny. Painful.

Kryptonite.

“Alex,” she croaks.

Her sister is standing stiffly at the far end of the bed (if you can even call this piece of metal a bed.). Her lips set in a thin line. There are dark bags under her eyes. Kara feels like shit. But Alex, Alex looks like shit.

“W-what’s happening? Wha- why am I—”

Rao, even her mouth feels disgusting.

“Wha-what happened?”

******

Game night comes early. It’s only the middle of the week, but everyone had decided to camp out at Kara’s living room floor after her kidnapping and mini-coma adventure just last night. So, Wednesday game night it is.

Everything is warm and good, Kara thinks, as she hums contently under her breath.

She’s filled with potstickers and wine. Her head on Alex’s lap, her sock-clad feet and calf being massaged by Lena on the opposite end. Nia is laughing loudly at something Kelly said, and Kara lets herself melt against the couch cushions.

“Darling,” Lena says, tapping a hand on her thigh. Kara looks at her, sees her gesturing at her empty glass, and promptly removes her legs off of her lap.

Alex’s fingers stop running through her scalp, as she reaches across to hand Lena her wine glass, too.

“Hey, Luthor, can you also-”

Everything goes black.

******

It happens so fast.

Alex was just deciding whether or not to switch from wine to brandy, when Kara lunges straight for Lena.

J’onn instantly transforms into Martian form at the commotion, and Alex is still sitting there; stunned, wine glass still clutched by the stem, as she watches Kara pin Lena to the floor, as she hears Lena shriek, as the room bursts into action.

Alex sees the glow of Kara’s eyelids, and it sparks her into action. She jumps from the couch and latches onto Kara’s back.

Her hands press into her sister’s eyes and immediately she can feel the heat filter through her skin. “J’onn!!” she shouts, Alex manages to pull Kara off of Lena, as J’onn grabs the brunette to safety.

Kara growls, stands up with Alex clinging. Kara grabs her, flips her over. She crashes on the floor with a sickening thud. Kelly gasps out her name. From here, she can see how Nia has wrapped her girlfriend and Lena into a bubble of forcefield.

Just as Kara is about to turn around and head for Lena, J’onn flies straight at her, grabs her sister by the arm, and crashes into Kara’s TV. J’onn manages to wrestle her into his grip, and he flies them out through Kara’s window.

Brainy picks her up from the floor. Her heart is beating so fast in her chest. How did she miss this? What has gotten into Kara?

Alex is panicking, all of them are panicking really.

What the fuck just happened?

“Brainy,” Alex says, voice firm, the cloudiness from the alcohol finally clearing. “Get the Legion ship, we need to track down Kara and J’onn. Disperse Kryptonite on sight. We have to detain her.”

Alex looks around the room, Nia retracts her forcefield, Kelly goes straight for her.

“Go,” Kelly says, “I’ll take care of the neighbors, I’ll take care of the mess here. Go. Find Kara.”

“I’ll stay with her,” Nia pipes up and Alex gives her a stiff nod.

She looks at Lena, red marks already blossoming on her neck.

“Are you o-”

“Do not ask me that.” Lena warns. “Now, let’s go. I’m coming with you.”

******

“You’re in the Legion ship,” Alex tells her sister, “what’s the last thing you remember?”

The base of her skull throbs with pain. “I-I don’t- I can’t remember. Ugh. Alex, can you- can you turn down the Kryptonite? Please, please?”

“I can’t, Kara. I’m sorry, please. I can’t-”

“Why?” Kara rasps out, her eyes closing shut.

“I need you to listen to me, Kara,” her sister says, she hears her stepping closer. “I need you to keep calm when I tell you.”

Kara’s heart beats faster, skin crawling at every awful thought curling from the depths of her mind.

“I-I’m calm. I’ll keep calm,” she promises, “please, Alex. Please, tell me.”

“CADMUS did something to you, Kara.”

******

Kara’s going to be sick.

She hurt Lena. Oh, Rao, she hurt Lena.

“Kara, Kara, listen to me.” Alex’s voice is distant, far-away. “Lena is fine. She’s fine. It wasn’t your fault.”

But it was her fault. She hurt her, her hands wrapped around Lena’s fragile human neck, and she almost lasered two holes into her pretty skull.

Oh, Rao. She almost killed her.

“Don’t let her near me,” she instructs, voice firm but eyes flashing with unshed tears.

“Kara, no. I don’t think she—”

“No. No, Alex, listen to me,” she urges her sister.

“Keep her away from me.”

*****

There are wires connected to her temple and her spine.

Brainy is sitting next to her bed, typing away on a little screen in front of him.

Her hippocampus and most of her somatic nervous system were experimented on, it seems. It was Kelly who cracked it, they tell her.

Kara’s brain was reconditioned in the short amount of time she spent in that CADMUS facility. A code word implanted to trigger her.

Luthor.

What a cruel joke.

*****

The next time Kara wakes, she is warm.

So warm, and-

Not alone.

She gasps loud. Lena is here. Lena is tucked to her side. Her breaths tickling Kara’s collarbone.

Lena is not supposed to be here.

Kara’s squirming seems to rouse her.

“Mmmm, stop thinking so loud, 'm trying to sleep.”

“Lena—” Her voice is bordering on hysterical.

“Shhhhh.” Lena shifts, ignoring Kara’s racing heart, ignoring Kara’s protests, just presses closer to her, lips kissing her collarbone.

“Nothing could ever keep me away from you, y'know," she slurs sleepily, "not even you, Kara Zor-El.”

Lena’s eyes are still closed, and Rao, Kara doesn’t even remember the last time she saw her like this. So pretty, so peaceful, so relaxed.

“Lena, you’re not supposed to be here. It’s not safe. Please, listen to me.”

Tears fall down from Kara’s cheek onto Lena’s skin. The contact seems to finally wake Lena.

“Oh, oh, darling,” she coos, hands coming up to cup Kara’s face. The blonde leans into the touch, presses her lips to Lena's palm, uses the touch to stifle her sobs.

“You’re not going to hurt me, Kara. You’re not,” Lena tells her, resolute and so full of trust.

Kara can still see the marks on Lena’s neck where her fingers have dug into her skin, and this time a sob breaks free from her throat.

“Lena, I could hurt you, please. Please, leave now.”

“Oh, Kara,” Lena murmurs, “you know I could never do that.”

Why is she so effin stubborn?

“I’m not scared of you, you know?” Lena whispers. She hooks a finger under Kara’s chin, “Look at me, look at me, Kara. I am not afraid of you. I am not going to leave you. I will never leave you.”

“You don’t understand. Lena, I hurt you.”

“No,” Lena answers her, “no, you did not hurt me. They made you hurt me. That wasn’t you, Kara. You will never hurt me.”

“No,” Kara echoes, voice breaking, eyes shining, “no, I would never hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“I know, baby, I know.” Lena wipes the tears flowing on her cheeks, kisses them away. “We’ll figure it out together, okay?”

“Nothing can keep me away from you, you hear me?” Lena tells her, and all Kara can do is nod silently, sniffling. Lena presses a soft kiss to her lips and lets Kara break apart in her arms.

[superlustersnew52]

"making a good team comes pretty naturally when you know your partner better than anybody else..." kara mumbled, eyes taking in the sight of her topless other self on top of her. so that's what it looked like when she was riding lena... two sets of eyes found themselves all but locked onto lena unzipping herself, and then freeing her cock. neither kara needed much encouragement as they kissed at lena's cock, tongues sliding around it and brushing up against each other every now and then. kara moaned as she felt lena's hand on her breast, and distantly noted that she felt a bit more sensitive than usual there, peaks stiffening a bit faster than she would bet the other kara's did. but it was hard to focus on that when she had a cock to focus on, especially when the second one joined... "we're always hungry for daddies' cocks..." she mumbled, "could say we're twice as hungry now..."

"maybe i should bring back the old skirt uniform, that'll give my thick peach some more room..." kara hummed, and was all too happy to ditch her pants. she let out a light moan as she felt her ass being spread, but soon found herself busy with a cock to kiss and lick at, and a second one soon after. the other kara had the undersides of their cocks covered, so her tongue swirled mostly around the heads of their cocks, but she made sure to slide up and down either length to make sure they were nicely coated with saliva, as the other kara also did. two tongues eagerly making sure two cocks were licked all over... kara let out a light groan as she felt her other self grabbing her ass again. she seemed to like doing that...not that kara was complaining. she liked having her ass groped like that...maybe even a bit more than normal, "mmm...it'd be a bit concerning if we weren't hungry for our daddies' cocks. that'd mean something messed up with our personalities being copied over...it's a pretty defining trait of a superslut, after all..."

cont'd from here for @superlustersnew52 !

"look at you two making a good team already," lena noted, smiling as she watched the two blondes undressing each other. it wasn't a surprise given how well she and the other lena worked together, professionally and otherwise, but it was still amusing. it would make sense for both karas to want the same thing, too, and after making out with each other a bit, that want seemed to be centered around the pair of nice, big cocks they'd know were hidden away in the brunettes' slacks. "kara, if you want to keep kissing kara, don't let me interrupt," lena teased, already unzipping herself as she stepped up to the pair. "i might want to get in the way just a little, though…" she smirked lightly as she freed the heavy length of her cock to rest it on kara's face, then urged the other back down, encouraging the two blondes to make out with the sensitive tip of her cock together. only then did lena indulge in a handful of one kara's breast, then the other kara, groaning in approval as she groped and massaged, teasing stiffening peaks. "mhm… i think this superslut's tits would definitely bounce more when she's bouncing on our cocks…"

"same for this one's ass," lena chuckled, giving the other blonde's cheeks a light spank. "you might need to adjust your uniform for this thicker peach of yours, kara." with the two blondes already topless, lena took it on herself to start tugging down kara's pants. true to her comment, it wasn't easy going, but with some effort she soon got kara's ass naked and free, uniform pants joining the supersuit pile beside them. a groan of approval quickly followed as she gripped and spread kara's cheeks to show off her holes for herself. "honestly, i never thought it would be possible for supergirl's ass to look even more fuckable…" one thing at a time, though. lena stepped on the other side of the pair, no less shy about freeing her own cock from her slacks. she smirked in turn as she tipped her thick shaft between the two karas' busy twin mouths, cock tip-to-tip with the other lena's—the scientist in her appreciated a little symmetry, after all. "you're both still just as hungry for your daddies' cocks as one kara was before, aren't you? want to show us?"

[fyonahmacnally]

Part 2: Things I Didn't Say - Kara's Response

Read Part 1 HERE

The night after Lena leaves for Fortune Bay - Kara’s apartment

She sits with her back resting against the headboard, notebook resting on her knees and several of her journals spread around her. There are so many things swirling about in her head, so many emotions she wants to convey. Right now, she simply doesn’t know where to start. How do you tell the woman you have been desperately in love with for years just how much your heart belongs to her?

She sighs. Don’t make it complicated, Kara. Start from the beginning, she thinks. 

She sorts through the journals scattered around her and finds the one from the year they met. From there, she marks a few of her poems and journal entries from some of the most memorable moments in their friendship. Once she has what she wants, she jumps up, throws some clothes on and rushes to CatCo to make some copies.

Leaving with what she needs an hour later, Kara gets back to gathering her thoughts, this time cuddled comfortably on her couch, notebook in hand. She writes and writes, not allowing her super-speed to play a part because she wants this to be real, from her soul without carelessness. There can be no mistakes with this, it’s far too important.

By the time she finishes everything, the sun is rising. Exhausted beyond functioning, she can barely keep her eyes open. Making the decision to get a little sleep before flying to deliver the letter for Lena, she calls Alex to let her know she would be unavailable for the day, only giving a vaguely brief reason. Enough to get her sister off her back and prevent her from asking too many questions.

After a few hours of sleep, a nice hot shower, and a decent meal, Kara extends her hearing to locate Lena. She tucks the letter into a hidden pocket inside her super suit, takes a deep breath, and makes her way toward Fortune Bay. As she gets close to her favorite heartbeat, she pauses to make sure the raven-haired genius isn’t inside her room so she can stuff the letter under the door. 

She’s barely cleared the hallway when she hears Lena’s voice on a phone call and her heartbeat exiting the elevator. Kara ducks into a vending machine alcove just in time as her best friend passes by her. 

Oh my Rao, that was close, she thinks, internally panicking at almost being caught. Lena’s voice gets further away and she hears the woman open her door, stopping mid-sentence. After a small gasp, she hastily wraps up the phone call and picks the envelope up off the floor.

“Oh Kara, you sweet, adorable alien.” The raven haired genius whispers as she hugs the thick envelope to her chest. “I guess this means you got my letter. Gods, now I’m nervous and also talking to myself.” She shakes her head and chuckles.

Kara smiles and sneaks out of the alcove to make her way back to her apartment, hoping she will hear from her favorite person soon. Sighing and trying to shake off her own nervousness, she bolts into the sky filled with hope and butterflies. 

Lena tosses her purse onto the coffee table, places her phone next to it, and drops onto the couch cushion with zero elegance or grace. Shaky, ragged breaths force their way out of her throat as she does her best to calm her trembling hands and read the letter she didn’t expect to get until she was back in National City. 

Blowing out one last shaky breath, she carefully opens the envelope, unfolds it and begins reading what very well could make or break her.

My Lena. My Home.

Gosh. Where do I start? Your letter was absolutely the most beautiful, wonderful, perfect, and cherished gift I have ever received. Well, second most cherished. Your love, your presence is the first. Though, I wish I had been better about letting you know that in the past. Anyway, that’s not the reason for this. Rao, I’m a shaky, nervous mess, Lena! Even in letter form, I can’t get my crap together. Let me try this again…

Receiving that letter from you was unexpected. To read those words in your elegant hand-writing and to know you put your heart into those sentences, Lena, it makes my stomach turn somersaults and my heart backflips. Knowing you were in my apartment while I was gone makes my soul smile. You feeling safe in my home brings unbridled joy to my heart. I know my things were in the most loving, kind, compassionate hands and my sanctuary was well cared for because of you. There’s no one I would trust more and I plan to make sure you know that with every single breath I take.

It wrenched my heart out of my chest to know that you were hurting while I was gone. I never want you to suffer, most especially because of me. My actions and my cowardice have caused you too much pain already. For that, I will always, forever be regretful. You deserve nothing but the best of everything in this universe and the next. I hope I can help give it to you. 

The Phantom Zone was dark. It was lonely. It was like reaching into the depths of your worst fears and nightmares and watching them play out in front of you on a loop. So many times I thought my worst fear and most terrifying nightmare would be to relive the destruction of my planet, to lose my family over and over again. It wasn’t. The vision that played, over and over again, while I was trapped in that dreadful place, was losing you. Every single time, no matter what I did or how hard I fought, I lost you. You took your last breath in my arms so many times it made me want to die alongside you. It made me realize a lot of things. Like you, I realized there are so many things I should have said. So many times I should have let you know how I felt. How I feel. 

But, we cannot change that now, can we? We can do better though!

I’m glad you found that sketch. It’s one of many I have done of you over the years, but I think it’s probably my favorite. I still remember that night vividly and it replays in my mind often. We were having a game night and you were in a conversation with Alex about some science-y thing, as usual. You were both grinning about something and then you said something that made my sister recoil with a scowl on her face. Whatever you said that caused the reaction made you laugh and throw your head back with your dimples adorning your cheeks. That moment stopped me in my tracks. It stole the breath from my lungs. It was hands-down one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. A moment, one of the many, that I knew I loved you. That what I felt was far more than just friendship, even if I didn’t understand it yet.

Well, I suppose I should move on to the items attached to this letter and why I chose them specifically. You see, there have been so many moments over the years where I have felt and done things that I should have realized meant more than friendship. Looking back and reading through my old journals, I realized I’ve always been drawn to you. You’ve alway been the one person that makes me stronger. You’re my Lena and I can’t let you go. Losing you and your presence in my life, weakened me and I lost myself in more ways that I can explain. I will do whatever it takes to keep that from ever happening again. 

You’re right, there are so many things we need to say to each other. There are so many things we need to talk about and I look forward to that day. I hope the words you read in the next few pages shed some light on how much you mean to me, how ingrained you are in my life, and how very much my heart belongs to you.

Here are some journal entries and poems I’ve written over the years. Each of these were penned with you in my heart and on my mind. I was always so scared to ever let you know how deeply into my soul you had burrowed. Every time my feelings for you would overwhelm me or you would do something to make my battered heart reach for yours, I poured those feelings into my writing. 

I’ve never shared them with anyone. Until now. So here goes nothing. 

I love you too, Lena.

I am in love with you and think I always have been.

Come back home so I can show you how much.

Love now and always,

Kara

Her jaw is slack, her eyes are wide, and her cheeks are drenched in tears. Could it really be true? Does Kara love her back? Does she really feel the same? It says so in the superhero’s own handwriting. She’s dreamed many times that maybe Kara could love her too. 

And now? Now it’s real. It’s on paper. Sitting right in front of her. 

A smile crawls across her lips, her face scrunched and tears still streaming down. Joy is dancing in her chest and the warmth of love flowing through her veins. Never in her life has she felt so fucking alive. Maybe, just maybe, she might get the life she wants. At least whatever happens, Kara loves her. 

She wipes the tears from her cheeks and turns the page to read what her beautiful Kara has chosen for her. To get a glimpse into the thoughts of her favorite person? It’s an honor and a privilege she doesn’t take lightly.

One last deep breath and no turning back.

Each entry is followed by a poem I wrote and some notes from current me. :) It was fun to go back and add thoughts as I remembered what was happening. Sometimes the poems were from the same time I wrote the entry, others it was something I wrote and just tucked into the journal. Regardless, they were all written for you, Lena. I hope you can see how much you mean to me. 

October, 2016

I met Lena Luthor today. She’s nothing like I expected her to be. She said a few things that really resonated with me. One of the biggest was that she is just trying to make a name for herself outside of her family. Boy, do I get that. Carrying around a family legacy (good, bad, or otherwise) is a lot on anyone’s shoulders. There’s something about her that makes me want to protect her. She deserves to be judged on her own merits, not that of her family. Just because she has the last name Luthor, doesn’t have to mean she has their morals. I wish Clark could see that.

Someone also tried to assassinate her. I told Clark I didn’t think she had anything to do with the Venture explosion and it turns out I was right. There is so much more to this absolutely stunning woman than her name. I look forward to finding out more about her. She’s quite intriguing.

Lena seems to think I would make a good reporter. I hadn’t considered it much before, it’s always been Clark’s thing, but she gave me the courage to give it a try. I’m glad I did. She changed my life. 

***Notes from now - See, even when we first met, I believed in your compassion and knew you were good. And you’re the reason I became a reporter!***

December, 2016

These past few months have been something I never expected. Spending so much time with Lena has been incredible. She’s so much more than what people think of her. She’s brilliant, kind, compassionate, and fiery, but there’s something underneath her facade that is apprehensive. Something frightened. She’s alluring and I want to know more about this mysterious woman. I’m going to keep trying to get through her walls. She said she didn’t come here to make friends, but I’m not so sure.

I can’t get Lena out of my head. The more time I spend with her, the more I want to spend with her. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Earth relationships are so hard to decipher! Sometimes I wonder if Lena is flirting with me or if she’s just naturally flirty. *sigh* I know she’s naturally charming and charismatic, but is there something else?

I sat down at my table when I got home from work today and wrote this poem. Lena Luthor – there’s something about that enigmatic, green-eyed woman that pulls me in. 

– I Believe in You – 

Anytime you’re feeling down

and don’t know what to do,

Look inside your heart and see

I believe in you.

When the world seems dark,

When you stumble, when you fall,

Look up, I gently offer my hand,

Help you stand firm, despite it all.

If you ever feel you can’t go on,

If things have become too much,

Simply reach out next to you,

Feel my arms, my hands, my touch.

Anytime you’re feeling lost,

Scared and confused by life,

Close your eyes and rest assured

I’m here amongst the strife.

When you need someone near,

Close by when your heart aches,

Know that I am always with you

No matter what it takes.

Anytime you feel alone

and nothing in life seems true,

Look inside your heart, my love

I’m always here for you.

***Notes from now - I remember the day I wrote this. You were having such a hard time with how the media always questions your motives. You helped save the city from Medusa and you still get fingers pointed at you. Even when I had a strange way of showing it, I always believed in you.***

February, 2017

Lena was arrested. I’m still in shock about it. I can’t believe Maggie wouldn’t listen. She was doing her job, sure, but she treated Lena like she was a criminal and I know she’s not. I’m going to prove her innocent. 

We proved it. I knew Lena didn’t do it. Once again, Lillian is trying to make Lena’s life a living hell. I swear, I will always protect her. She doesn’t deserve the animosity she gets. I hope our friendship helps provide solace, maybe even some safety for her.

***Notes from now - That day was hard. I still think about what it must have been like for you when Metallo took you and you found out your mother wanted to use you again. Even then, I always wanted to protect you.***

April, 2017

Yet again, Lena sacrificed something to save others. Jack Spheer. He’s gone and I can’t even tell Lena that she saved me because she has no idea that I’m Supergirl. She’s suffering and feeling guilty. And I’m a big fat liar. She sacrifices someone she truly cares about and I can’t even tell her who I am. 

I’m beginning to hate myself for the deception. I know she will think it’s because she’s a Luthor and I don’t trust her on that alone. How do I tell her it’s because of me? How do I tell her that I’m scared to tell her because I am scared she’ll leave? Everyone always leaves. How do I tell her that I don’t want her to see me differently? She sees me as just Kara and I cherish that. I’m so scared of losing her.

– I Wish –  

I wish I could tell you

how I really feel.

I wish I could tell you

but the time is not ideal.

I wish I could show you

what’s inside my heart.

I wish I could show you

with no risk to impart.

I wish I could make you see

just how much I truly care.

I wish I could make you see

everything I have to share.

Someday I hope you see

all of this and more.

Someday I hope you see

it’s YOU that I adore.

***Notes from now - Rao, I was so scared of losing you that day. I could see the pain in your eyes and I wanted nothing more than to hold you close, take it all away. That was the day I think I realized how badly I wanted to tell you my secret.***

November, 2017

On top of dealing with losing Mon-El, now I have to deal with Morgan Edge. He’s a rotten, vile, sorry excuse for a human. He’s framed Lena for poisoning kids. We proved her innocent, but I don’t know what to think about all the things that have happened. Lena told me she tried to kill Edge after she was poisoned and he tried to kill her again in return. Then Reign showed up and now I think Lena hates Supergirl. Am I ever going to be able to tell her now? She’s one of the most infuriating people I know, but I can’t lose her like this. I care for her deeply, despite what I keep telling my heart. 

– Despite What I Tell My Heart – 

I never meant to love you,

I never meant to care.

Love cannot be helped

And I know you wouldn’t dare.

Meeting you was unbelievable,

A friendship from the start.

But now it’s moving further

Despite what I tell my heart.

Losing you would kill me,

So in silence I must go.

Never can I tell you,

Never must you know.

Loving you is natural, easy,

Something I never saw coming.

If I had only seen it sooner,

I would have been running.

I cannot walk away from you

No matter what is said.

I know I cannot love you,

But must I leave instead?

I did not mean to love you.

Please know I wouldn’t dare

Jeopardize what we have 

Because of how I care.

Know I’ll always be here,

In the silence I will love you.

In the darkness, loyal to a fault.

To you, always true.

***Notes from now - Yet another time when I was terrified of losing you. I was incredibly confused during that time. Losing Mon-El, getting jealous watching you and James attempt to…whatever that was, and navigating growing feelings for you that I didn’t understand. Then Reign showed up and things changed drastically. Looking back now, I realize that poem isn’t about what I initially thought. It’s clear that poem was about my feelings for you and my desperation to run from it.***

Lena pulls the crinkled papers into her chest and wipes the tears from her eyes again. Things feel surreal. These little glimpses into Kara’s thoughts and gods, the poetry. She doesn’t know what to do with all of the emotions swirling around in her head and heart. 

She takes a deep breath and sits the letter on the coffee table in front of her. She needs to take a break to collect her thoughts. Heading to the bathroom, she takes a moment to change into something more comfortable, pulls her hair back, and washes her face. Once she feels a little better, she heads back into the suite and pours herself a couple fingers of scotch before settling back into the couch.

She sifts through the remaining pages of the letter. Only a few more journals before there’s another handwritten letter from Kara. Part of her wants to skip the remaining journals and jump directly to the letter, but she knows she won’t. She has to admit the fact that Kara wrote poetry about her makes her chest feel warm and smile so hard her cheeks hurt. 

The fact that Kara loves her back still doesn’t seem real. It also makes her want to see the blonde, but she knows she needs to wait. So, she sighs and picks the letter back up, her heart fluttering in anticipation as she dives back in.

My Lena,

There were so many journal entries to choose from. The ones I have chosen before now are for obvious reasons, they were moments that meant something and moments that made me realize how much I cared. I will let you read more of the journals for the years in between the next time I see you, if that’s what you want, but for now, I leave you with two more entries, poems, and one final poem I wrote just now. I hope they shed some light on what’s always been in my heart. 

Yours,

Kara

November, 2019

I’m heartbroken. Lena has known for weeks about my secret identity. Lex told her before he died. My worst fears have come true. I’ve lost her because of my cowardice. She trapped me in Kryptonite at the fortress and stole Myriad. I’m not sure what else to say except that I won’t give up on her. She’s not like the other Luthors. She’s not a bad person. I don’t know what I am going to do without her. 

The worst part is…I think I might love her more than a best friend. What am I supposed to do with that now? 

– I Could Love You –  

I could love you, but

I don’t think I will.

I could love you, but

The wounds wouldn’t heal.

Your smile warms my heart.

Your laughter brightens my day.

Your presence makes me happy.

What else can I say?

I could love you, but

My heart is in a cage.

I could love you, but

My life is full of rage.

Your scent makes me dizzy.

Your touch steals my breath.

You mean so much to me.

Do you know the depth?

I could love you, but

I think I already do.

I could love you, but

It’s too late ‘cause it’s true.

I could love you, but, nevermind, I do.

***Notes from now - That day and those weeks after the incident at the fortress made me realize how much I loved you. It wasn’t until I lost you that I truly realized how much. I have regretted so many things, but hurting you and withholding my truth, that’s something I will spend the rest of my life atoning for.***

August, 2021

Trying to acclimate to being back in National City after the Phantom Zone is strange.  Being without my powers and in the dark for so long, the noises and lights of the city are overwhelming. I’ve been finding myself listening to Lena’s heartbeat a lot. I feel guilty about it because it feels like a violation of her privacy, but I’m not doing it on purpose. It’s like my mind subconsciously does it. Can’t say that I am upset about it since her heartbeat has always been a comfort to me. 

The first week back has been okay. I’m still struggling with what is real. Having Lena back in my life feels like a trick and I am so scared that I am going to wake up and she’ll be gone again. My emotions are a raging storm of turmoil, my sense of stability doesn’t feel solid. It makes me wonder when the storm will pass. Most of all, I hope and pray that Lena can be the light at the end. 

–STORMS –  

It’s raining. Heavy, torrential downpour.

Suffocating, dreary, and oh so cold.

The sky is almost black. Ominous.

Thunder and lightning – so bold.

The storm is raging on, seems endless.

Wind is howling, trees swirling, bent.

It sounds like creatures unknown…

Of darkness and nightmares sent.

There is no sign of lightness.

No brightness to be had.

Searching in vain for reprieve.

When did it get this bad?

Just when there seems no hope,

Just when all seems lost, gone,

A spot of light appears again.

In the darkness shone.

Storms and darkness will come.

Light seems to never gain.

BUT, the inevitable truth is…

EVERY storm runs out of rain.

***Notes from now - Adjusting after the Phantom Zone was hard. You helped me in more ways that you know, just by being in my life. You have always been a grounding force for me and a light in the darkness of my losses. Thank you for being you, Lena Luthor.***

I hope this has at least given you an idea as to how much you have meant to me since the day we met. Even though my actions sometimes seemed contradictory, you have always been an important part of my life. You’ve always made me braver, stronger, and let me be who I am without judgment. I hope you know that now, but if not, I promise you that I will make it up to you.

I’m going to wrap this up now since I feel like I’ve bombarded you with a lot already, but just know I do have one more gift to give you. I wrote this for you just before sealing this envelope and delivering it. I hope you like it and I hope you truly understand how very much I love you. 

– My Gift –  

The wrapping may be worn,

The appearance may be dull.

Time has beaten it down,

Life has taken its toll.

Still…badly worn and severely dull,

Carelessly beaten and broken apart…

Despite its appearance, my love,

I give to you my heart.

She sits silently, the pages of the letter on her lap and tears streaming down her cheeks. Stunned. She’s often wondered if Kara had feelings for her as well. There were times it seemed so, but the blonde would always say something like ‘that’s what friends are for’ and confuse her, making her think otherwise. Now though, it seems like Kara has felt the same about her for just as long. Knowing that, she wants nothing more than to see the blonde. And not just see her, she wants to know what it feels like to press their lips together.

It’s at that moment she realizes that she doesn’t want to be away from Kara anymore. She wants to wrap her arms around her hero and hold her close. So she tosses the letter onto the table and flips the face of the watch on her wrist. She pauses for a moment, debating on whether she should just send a text or press the button.

In the end, she does both. She presses the button right as she sends the text asking Kara to come to her. She’s ready to move forward with her life and this feels like the first step. Waiting any longer just seems like torture because she knows she’s about to experience her last first kiss. 

[spaceman-earthgirl]

Supercorptober 2021 Day 22: Book

Fic link. Series link.

Kara follows the sound of Lena’s heartbeat through their house, finds her in the nursery, a few books in hand as she arranges them on the bookshelves they put up last weekend.

Lena doesn’t notice her immediately so Kara pauses, leans against the doorframe and just watches her wife.

There’s a crinkle in the middle of Lena’s forehead, her wife clearly concentrating as she places the books on the bookshelves. She’s wearing a grey loose-fitting t-shirt, leggings, and her hair is braided over her shoulder, and it gives her such a feelings of home, especially given Lena’s in the nursery, that Kara can’t help but step into the room, drawn to Lena.

Lena looks up as she does, the movement catching her attention, and she smiles when she sees Kara.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” Kara smiles, said smile only getting bigger when she sees the words “Advanced Physics” written on the front of the book Lena is currently holding. “I don’t think she’ll be reading that for a few years.”

“I’m just giving her options.”

Kara laughs, stepping into Lena’s space, her hands instantly going to Lena’s stomach, the baby bump big enough now that even the loose t-shirt isn’t hiding it. She can hear the tiny heartbeat of their baby fluttering between them. “With you as her mom, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was reading books like this before she is five.”

Lena laughs. “You forget, you’re also a genius too.”

Kara leans over, pressing a kiss to the top of Lena’s stomach. “Your mom is smarter,” Kara whispers to the baby, loud enough for Lena to hear. She laughs again when Lena tugs her back up, a smile still on Lena’s own face.

“Hi,” Lena says again, this time leaning forwards. Kara can feel the press of Lena’s belly between them as she kisses her.

Kara lingers in the kiss, lingers in the warmth of Lena’s mouth, lingers in the feel of Lena against her. It’s Lena that pulls away first, Lena laughing into her lips when Kara chases the contact. It’s not her fault Kara has missed her wife.

“Do you think she’ll like her room?” Lena asks, surveying the mess she’s made. They’ve almost set up the room, the crib in the corner, a half-painted mural on the wall that Kara needs to finish, the red sky of Krypton bright on the wall.

“I think she’ll love it,” Kara says, hands still on Lena’s stomach.

“I’m glad you’re home, I was getting hungry.”

Kara laughs. “Isn’t that my line? What do you feel like?”

“Don’t laugh, but I’m really craving potstickers.”

Kara laughs again, despite Lena’s request. “That is definitely my line.”

“It’s not my fault,” Lena says, hand falling to rest over Kara’s. “It’s yours.”

“How is it my fault?”

“Because this is your child and she’s the reason I’m craving potstickers right now.”

“Darling,” Kara smiles. “I’m not sure this is how that works, considering Ella is not biologically mine.” They’d accidentally settled on the name Ella a few weeks ago, when they’d been considering baby names. Ella had been on the list and they’d both just started calling the baby Ella without coming to an actual decision. But Kara thinks it’s the perfect name for their little girl.

“Yes, but she is your daughter,” Lena replies. “And I’m pretty sure any child of yours would love potstickers by default.”

Lena has the cute little crinkle back in between her eyebrows, her face serious, and Kara is powerless to do anything but lean forward and kiss the crinkle away. “Okay, I’ll get us potstickers for dinner.”

“Thank you,” Lena says, leaning forward to catch Kara’s lips as she retreats.

Kara leaves Lena to finish putting the books away while she flies out to get dinner and by the time she’s back, Lena is on the couch, feet propped up, looking cute with the braid in her hair and her shirt pulled tight, the bump looking even bigger while she’s seated.

“Those smell so good,” Lena says, eyes on the bag Kara has in her hands as she makes grabby hands towards it. Kara had specifically flown a little further to get the better potstickers.

Lena doesn’t wait, digging into the food as soon as she sits down. Kara only realises Lena’s already finished her plate full, eating almost as fast as Kara does, when she sees Lena’s hand sneak out and take one of her own potstickers in her peripheral vision.

“Hey!” Kara exclaims. “There’s more on the table, no need to steal mine.”

“I can’t reach the table,” Lena pouts, looking longingly at the still large pile of potstickers on the coffee table. Kara really did buy a lot.

“Here,” Kara laughs, offering her plate to Lena.

Lena smiles, swapping Kara’s half full plate for her empty one. “Thank you.”

“You know you’re the only person who I’d share my food with.”

Lena laughs. “I know.”

Lena does know, not just from the last few years of Kara sharing her food with her while threatening anyone else who comes near her food, but because it’s Kara’s love of food that finally got Lena to ask her out.

Alex had teased Kara, in front of Lena, about how Lena was the only person that Kara would share her food with. It had been that realisation for Lena, that had given her the push to ask Kara out. It’s embarrassing to think about now, but she wouldn’t change it for the world, not when it’s given her a beautiful wife and a daughter she can’t wait to meet.

“Feel this,” Lena says, catching Kara’s hand, breaking her from the slight trip down memory lane. Lena presses her hand to her stomach and after a moment, Kara feels the movement under Lena’s skin, feels Ella moving. It’s amazing that she’s growing a tiny baby in there.

She still can’t believe that she has this sometimes, this amazing wife and the child that they’re bringing into the world.

“She likes the potstickers,” Kara grins. “She really is my daughter.”

[autisticlenaluthor]

not a prompt (unless you want it to be) but what are your thoughts on autistic lena and autistic kara meeting as kids at a social skills class or other autism specific setting? (just bc i have multiple lifelong friends from my autism groups)

okay so they start the social skills group when they’re 4- kara has been diagnosed for a few months and lena’s only known for about a week after the luthors did extensive psychiatric testing on her almost immediately after her adoption.

when they’re in group together, most of the other kids don’t want anything to do with lena. she doesn’t like talking to anyone so she’s very blunt and intentionally rude. she gets aggressive with the social worker leading the group and will have a meltdown almost every session.

sometimes she does bad things because she wants attention. she’ll throw things at the social worker if they leave her alone for too long or mess up the bookshelves if she doesn’t like an activity. and sometimes it’s out of lena’s control.

like when one of the boys just won’t stop trying to be her friend but lena really doesn’t want him near her so she pours her paint water over his head. or when the social worker does a story time and they read a picture book about a little girl who has a beach day with her mom and lena throws herself on the ground and flails around, screaming and crying until one of the student teachers has to pick her up and carry her out of the room. they think it’s one of her many attention grabbers but the episode lasts even after everyone’s stopped looking.

kara is super shy. she tends to hang out in the corner and ignore whatever activity is going on because she just wants to play by herself. lena likes that she’s quiet so they tend to parallel play together whenever they’re allowed.

the only part of the group lena likes is kara. as they get older kara gradually breaks out of her shyness and becomes a little extrovert. she’s very talkative but only when it comes to things that interest her. when her and lena parallel play- kara will talk a mile a minute about the barbie movies and lena will silently nod along and pretend to know what she’s going on about.

at 6, kara frequently gets in trouble for interrupting other children or jeopardizing the conversation. when she’s told she needs to stop cutting people off, kara calls the teacher a dumb dumb. she's put in time out and lena writes her a card, telling her that the teacher really is a dumb dumb and that kara has better things to say then all the other kids anyway.

because the luthors are so busy with work, kara's mom will take lena and kara to her place after group for a few hours each week and lena’s nanny picks her up from there. lena loves going to kara’s house because her mom gives them good snacks like gummies and chips instead of the all natural healthy garbage lena gets at home. kara also has a play structure in the back yard. her and lena will swing together and info dump back and forth- typically lena will talk about chess history and kara still talks barbie movies.

when social skills group doesnt ‘work’ and lena is still unmasked and acting out at home, the luthor’s send her to ABA to get her under control. by the time they’re seven, lena’s behavior shifts and instead of screaming and fighting whenever given instructions she doesn’t want to follow during group, she becomes placid and blank and will follow along the way she’s supposed to. she doesn’t try to engage with the other kids the way she’s being taught, or become friendly with the teachers, but she’s well behaved enough that she’s no longer getting in trouble with the people leading the class.

when they enter middle school, lillian pulls lena from the social skills group because she deems lena too old to still have social struggles. lena spends most of her time unknowingly dissociated. she’s quiet and well behaved at home, does what she needs to avoid being punished, and avoids her parents as much as she can. she behaves the same way at school though none of her teachers ever notice anything is off. even when lena turns in writing assignments about abused children running away from home or aliens being raised by neglectful human parents, nobody bats an eye. as she gets older, lena isn’t sure if it’s because they truly didn’t notice or if they just didn’t want to.

during seventh grade, their guidance counselor tries to connect some of the autistic or otherwise neurodivergent students through an after school support group. lena and kara are both reccomended for it-- kara goes because it gives her something to think about other then the recent death of her parents. lena goes becuase the more time she can spend away from home the better.

lena and kara again gravitate towards one another. during sessions, they'll both ask to use the bathroom or see the nurse around the same time, then hide out in a staircase for the next thirty minutes and info dump or gossip to each other.

lena never really tells kara about how she's being treated at home. occasionally she'll drop in a random, vauge detail that alludes to something graphic, then skip right over to the next thing. from that, kara gathers a sense of what's going on. she never asks about it though, for fear that lena might get mad at her and not want to be friends anymore.

and they'd of course stay best friends into high school and beyond, even after they're no longer in autism related groups.

[supercorpkid]

Gone Rogue

Part 4 – Is it too far to go back?

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader, Alex Danvers x Niece!Reader

Word Count: 2440.

There’s so much anger on your body, you can’t even think straight. You can’t even stop when you hear cries for help while you fly around National City. You don’t stop to put out a fire; you don’t stop when a little kid yells that she lost her puppy; and you certainly don’t stop for said puppy no matter how well you can see it getting farther away.

Maybe Kara was right. Maybe this isn’t the solution. Seeking revenge never seems to be the solution for anything. And you know this so well, it is imprinted on your mind, along with both of your moms’ voices saying this isn’t the right thing to do. And that you’re going to regret it.

But then again, you are always supposed to take the high road. You’ve been through hell and back and still you have to be the bigger person. The one who suffers in silence. Well, not anymore. Now you’re the person who will give them hell, not only because they deserve it, but also because you can.

What’s the point of being a Super if jerks like Rebel won’t ever be afraid of what you can do to him, when your powers are literally so big you could destroy him in one blow? What’s the point of even having powers in the first place, if not to use them against evil people?

You’re done with being a good girl. Being a good girl only tells other people that it is ok to mess with your family and you’re so tired of that.

You fly to the old Cadmus lair he mentioned. He wasn’t clear on directions while screaming for his life, that’s for sure. But you also know exactly where it was, because even with all the masks, and the pain he put you through that could’ve fogged your brain, you can’t forget the place that brought you so much pain.

And, because of course they are all a bunch of dum-dums, they picked a place to torture you close to the Cadmus lair. Well, Supergirl Revenge Squad, they certainly aren’t expecting the Superkid Revenge Plan.

Before you land, you feel your phone buzzing in the hidden pocket of your suit. Must be one of your moms. Or maybe both. Or maybe even your aunt who was, oh, so sure you couldn’t get any information out of him. Honestly, who do they think they’re dealing with? Why do they insist on thinking you’re a kid when you’re clearly so far from it?

The buzzing doesn’t stop, but you shove it to the back of your mind because right now you have more pressing matters to take care of.

Rebel wasn’t joking when he said the place was overflowing with kryptonite. You feel it as soon as you feet touch the ground. Turns out, as weird as it may seem, you think you might be getting used to it. Does it hurt? Yes. Extremely. Does it make you want to rip the skin out of your body so it can stop burning? Sure. 100%. Does it make you weak? Unquestionably. Still, it doesn’t hurt like the last few days have. So you can take it.

Your brain rewires to the mission when you see a red-headed woman coming in your direction. You need to take this fight to a place where you have a chance to win. So you rush out of the lair, and she follows you close-by.

“You’re not Supergirl.” You hear, as you feel the sun on your skin, and the control of your powers coming back to you.

“Astute observation.”

“I don’t wanna fight a kid. I want Supergirl.”

See, the bad guys are not helping. You’re trying not to get mad here like you did in the interrogation room, but holy shit do they know how to push all your buttons!

How the hell can she say that she doesn’t want to fight you when you were literally kidnapped and wounded by them? If they only wanted Supergirl then why would they get YOU involved?

“Oh, trust me. When I’m done with you, you’ll be praying for Supergirl to come and save you.”

It’s true, Maxima puts up a good fight. A much better fight than Rebel did, that’s for sure. On any given day you would probably lose or come really close to being defeated. But today is not any ordinary day. Today she is fighting you, your fury, your entire backstory, your revenge plan. The way you’re fighting today, if you weren’t seeking out payback, would make Kara so proud of you. The way you’re fighting today, you think, you’d might even be able to take down Superman himself.

Instead, you take down Maxima. You leave her a puddle of something. Blood. Gore. Suffering. You beat her down to oblivion. And what stops you, unfortunately, it’s not your consciousness. You wish you could say it was. But rather the scream of terror, you hear back in the heart of National City.

You fly so fast, and it’s almost not enough. You catch Maya 10 feet before she is smashed into pieces on the concrete.

“Are you insane?” You ask when you land on the ground, and help Maya to stand, while she shakes. “Did you just jump off that building?”

“You weren’t picking up the phone!” She says, like that’s a good explanation from almost killing herself.

“So you jumped from a building? You can’t fly! You could have died!”

“I knew you would catch me.”

“You couldn’t possibly know that! Maya!” You are so angry with the thought of losing her. You are not careful while holding her tight. “That was so insane! Please, never do it again.”

“I had to get you to come here.” She said, trembling finally ceasing, as she sighs on your neck then breathes you in.

“Why?” You finally let go of her a little, so you can look into her eyes. “What was so important that made you put your life at risk?”

“You.” Maya’s hand goes to your chest, so she can feel your heart. That makes your heart skip a beat. “This. Your heart. Who you are. That’s important.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do!” Her hands travel down, and she finds yours midway. “Look at your hands, babe.”

You don’t want to do it. You know what’s in your hands. And the fact that Maya knows it too, fills you with nothing but regret and shame.

“Maya-” You try.

“You can’t, can you?” Her hands squeeze yours the slightest, your heartbeat picks up. “You can’t face what you’ve done.”

You can’t tell her she is right. Actually, you can’t say a thing, because everything that you can possibly say for yourself feels wrong.

“Then why are you doing it?”

Your eyes are filled with tears just with this simple question. Everything that you’ve told yourself for doing what you’ve done, sounds like a poor excuse. It’s like every anger, disappointment, pain, just found an outlet for it to leave your body. And now that it has left, you can’t find a reason to have done it. You were so blindsided by anger; you went too far to turn around.

So you cry. And you’re not only crying because of the guilt you’re feeling. Although, that’s the main reason. But you’re also crying for everything that's happened, and all that you kept inside as you wanted to pretend you were strong. Pretend you are not just a kid who had her world turned upside down so many times that you had to grow up, no matter how much you didn’t want to. Pretend you were ok so your moms wouldn’t worry, when in reality you wanted nothing but a hug and care. You cry because you’re overwhelmed and suffocated. And you cry because there’s someone finally holding you.

“I’m sorry.” You’re not asking her for forgiveness, and it’s obvious that Maya knows this too. But when she holds your face between her hands and kisses your tears away, you feel forgiven. “I went too far.”

“But you’re back now, aren’t you?” She asks and you nod just once before she crashes her lips into yours.

You step away from her and look directly into her eyes. Because you need her to fully understand. “There’s no erasing what I’ve done, Maya.”

“No, there’s not.” She agrees, cleaning your tears, this time, with the palm of her hand. “But I believe in you. I know you won’t do it again. And not because of me, but because you couldn’t look at your hands just now.” You bite the inside of your mouth and close your eyes. “Hey. I need you to know, you’re my hero.”

“After all of this?”

“Babe.” She lets out with the first smile since you’ve both landed. “You will always be my hero. Even when you don’t feel like one. You want to know why?”

You raise your eyes to meet hers. Like always, your heart skips a tiny beat when your eyes lock into hazel perfection.

“Because Superkid might save me sometimes. But you-” Her finger presses on your chest, pointed directly at your heart. “You are my hero.”

You think about questioning it. She doesn’t let you, as she goes on.

“Superkid is what you can do, not who you are. You are not super strength and freeze breath. You are the girl who talks to everyone on the bus. And doesn’t give up when things get hard. You are the smartest kid in school, but you don’t make this the only thing people think when they say your name. They all think about your smile. You are the girl who is best friend’s with her mom.” You crinkle your nose at that. “That is so sexy, you have no idea.” To that, you finally let out a chuckle. It feels good to laugh, your real laughter and not the evil one. “And I love the fact that you are so pretty but have literally no clue about it.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.” She kisses you again, and you feel yourself finally letting out the breath you’ve been holding all along.

“I have to go, um, fix some things.” You give her a sheepish smile and Maya agrees vividly with her head. “One more for the road?”

“Let’s make it two.”

You fly back to the Cadmus lair, but you don’t go inside. Not alone. You press the button on your super watch, and it doesn’t take long for Kara to fly towards you.

You put your head down, embarrassed, for not having done this all along. “I need help.”

Kara flies even closer and holds your hand. You look up to her and she gives you a nod. No smile, no relief. But still she holds your bloody hand, and you wonder what she means by it. “I’m here.”

“There’s a lot of kryptonite in there.” You warn her.

“Together, then.”

It is embarrassing how easy it is to do this with Supergirl by your side. How much simpler, and safe, and practical it is to just ask for help instead of going rogue and taking matters into your own hands.

Kara flies to the DEO with the other two members of the Supergirl Revenge Squad. You stay behind waiting for the agents to come and pick all the kryptonite up, so you know more people can’t use them to hurt you.

It’s Alex who walks in, first. “Ok everyone, do a hard search on the place. Take any weapons and put away the kryptonite into the safe boxes. We’ll demolish this when we’re done.” She strides forward, hands on the hips, and stops in front of you. “Superkid, thank you for your help today. You managed to get the information out of a particularly ruthless villain, stopped their organization to go further with their plan, and retrieved kryptonite to safety.”

You swallow the tennis-size ball guilt stuck on your throat. “With undesirable methods.”

Alex tilts her head to the side, like she is saying ‘agree to disagree’, then gives another step closer and speaks so low, her voice is almost a whisper. “We all have done things we’re not proud of. Unfortunately, in this line of work it happens before you can even process or handle it. You are not supposed to be perfect.” She squeezes your shoulder lightly, reassuring as always.

“So you’re not disappointed?”

“Kiddo-Oh! I’m sorry.” She stops when she realizes she just called you a kid.

“It’s ok. I like the nickname.” You smile, encouraging her to not stop using it.

“Well, kiddo, I’m not disappointed. What we try to shield you from, are things that might not let you sleep at night. I’ve had my share of things that would keep me up at night, things I couldn’t forgive myself for, and they are awfully hard to let go.” She breathes out. “I don’t want that for you. I don’t want the guilt hanging over your head.”

“Thank you aunt-I mean, director Danvers.” You agree with your head and show her your hand for her to shake. She holds it and pulls you close, throwing her arms around you.

“We know you’re not a kid.” She says, while hugging you, as she gives you a whispered confession. “But we love you so much, there’s no telling what we would do if anything happened to you. So, yeah, we might be overprotective sometimes, but that’s not going to change ever.”

“I love you.” You whisper back, holding the tears back, as you sigh in her familiar comfort. It feels good to be held.

“I love you, kiddo.” Aunt Alex finally steps back, eyes full of tears, and she looks around. “What are you guys looking at? Go back to work!”

“I have to…” You point up.

“Go.”

You fly home. There’s no reason to go to the DEO anymore. They are all imprisoned, and two of them might not even be awake to know what’s going on, anyways. As soon as your feet land on the backyard, you see both of them there.

Kara, strong arms crossed, blonde curls flying in the wind. You wish you could read any other feeling in her face, except the one that is so obvious.

Lena, one hand on the hip, hair weirdly unmoving no matter how windy it is. Her face scares you the most. Because no matter how well you know her, and how incredible the connection between you two are, right now, you have no idea how she feels.

“We need to talk.”

[chaotic-super]

For Her Sake - Chapter 14

Read For Her Sake on AO3 here!

Lena takes a few staggered breaths. She’s running late and she knows it. The food is only half finished, she’s barely presentable and she’s panicking. Kara, Alex, Winn and Lori. Originally, she was just going to have the Danvers ladies over but after a detailed conversation over the complexities of nanobots and AI interfaces, she’s found Winn to be quite pleasant and decided to invite him along too.

It has nothing to do with the fact that if he comes along, she has a higher chance of speaking to Kara privately about just about anything, that’s what Lena tells herself anyway. She’s loving the times when she’s being given the chance to learn little titbits of information about the blonde. She’s much more fascinating than she gives herself credit for and Lena is getting slightly obsessed with listening to her talk.

She wanted to have everything ready for when they arrived so she could just serve the food right up and look all prepared and sexy but instead, she’s a rushing mess and she’s not looking as hot as she knows she can.

Since it’s just a casual dinner, she didn’t want to go too formal, something she’s definitely guilty of doing far more often than she should, so she’s settled for some comfy slacks and a knit sweater, a mixture of the more formal wear she feels comfortable in and also a softer look that will make her look a lot less harsh, soft even.

Normally, Lena would straighten her hair but she has no time since she got caught up with work stuff this afternoon and time got away from her so she’s just leaving it to sit around her shoulders in soft waves that make her look like the cuddliest person on Earth. She’s not particularly fond of the look herself but if it encourages Kara to hug her then it might just be worth it.

Everything is cooking, it’s just not ready yet and she’s not had much of a chance to start cleaning up the mess across her kitchen yet and so while she knows that realistically they aren’t going to judge her for it, she’s still nervous about it and it still makes her self-conscious so she’s practically running around the room and grabbing all of the trash to be thrown away and frantically running a cloth over every surface to try and clean up some of it before they get here.

Her shoulders sag and she sighs helplessly when there’s a knock at her door. She had already informed the security guards downstairs that she’s expecting guests and their names so they have been allowed to come right up without her having to be called to confirm that they are indeed allowed up to her apartment.

She brushes off her clothes that really aren’t getting any cleaner from her smacking at them through her nerves and heads for the door, pinning a smile on her face as she lets it swing open.

“Hey, come in, come in.” She urges, her strained smile changing to a genuine one when Lori darts forward and wraps her arms around her legs, her head pressing against her thigh. “Hello, Lori.”

“Hi, Lena!” She answers back with a cheeky smile that draws Lena closer, making her pick the little girl up before she’s even really aware of what she’s doing and why.

Kara steps around the pair with a cake tin in her hands which makes Lena roll her eyes. Of course, Kara would refuse to come empty-handed. She sets it aside on the counter nearby before heading back to Lena and wrapping her arms around her briefly and a little awkwardly because Lori is in her arms.

Lena holds her breath unconsciously throughout the very short hug, her entire focus on the way she can feel Kara’s ear pressed against the side of her head and the brush of their cheeks as she pulls back.

“Hi, thanks for having us. I brought dessert.” Kara mumbles with a smile.

Lori pouts. “No, Mama. We did.” She folds her arms across her chest and Kara just about melts at how adorable she looks so she pulls her phone out and quickly snaps a picture before she has a chance to drop the annoyed expression off her face.

She slips her phone back into her pocket right after and leans over to press her lips to the top of her daughter’s head. “You’re right, baby  We brought the dessert.”

As if it had never been there, Lori’s killer pout disappears and her arms unfold to wrap around Lena’s neck, her head dropping to her shoulder.

Lena clears her throat and takes a look out into the empty hallway. She closes the door in confusion. “Where are the others?”

“Oh, they’re running a little late, Winn got a flat just up the street so he got it parked and now Alex is yelling at him for being too stupid to change a tyre. We figured it was a better option to come and wait for them up here and pray that you don’t mind putting dinner off for a few extra minutes.” Kara explains, her face showing a whole lot of emotions when describing what happened, amusement being the main one, embarrassment taking second place.

“I see.” Lena nods, a little shocked because that was the opposite of what she was expecting to hear. “Well, dinner is running a little late anyway, I should actually go and check on it.”

Kara is relieved to hear that they aren’t messing up the night before it’s even begun, she would be forever humiliated if they couldn’t even do one evening without everything going wrong. “Here, let me help.”

Lena is about to tell Kara to sit down but before she can, Kara has already started checking on the food, stirring here and there and flipping where needed.

“I thought you said that you don’t know how to cook,” Lena smirks at Kara.

In response, Kara just shrugs. “Well, I might have been practising. I felt greatly unprepared to start at Reign and so I’ve been spending a lot of my free time watching weird cooking shows and reading recipes. I can now successfully stir a pot so I might not get your friend’s restaurant shut down with my terrible cooking skills after all.”

Lena shakes her head at Kara. “You’re too cute. You do realize that you’ll be given training on the job, don’t you? Nobody is going to expect you to just know what you’re doing right away with no prior experience.”

Kara looks down at the food on the stove, finding it to be easier to look at than Lena at this moment in time. “I just don’t want to let Sam down. She’s taking a massive chance on me and I don’t want her to regret it.”

Lena readjusts Lori on her hip, wincing when her hair accidentally gets caught on the zipper of Lori’s pink jacket. She reaches out and places a hand on Kara’s forearm, prompting her to look up at her. “You couldn’t let anyone down if you tried, Kara. I mean it, she’s super excited to work with you.”

“Really?” Kara asks incredulously.

Lena nods ecstatically. “Yes.” She leans in closer. “She told me not to tell you this because she finds it embarrassing but after your impromptu lunch date, she raved about you and talked about how excited she is to get the chance to work with you. Sam is apparently already threatening all of her chefs and staff to be nice to you because she doesn’t want you to be scared off by them.”

Lena can see Kara trying to fight off a smile and when she does give in and let her lips curl up, she only allows it to remain for a second before forcing her lips back down so she doesn’t give herself away but it’s too late and Lena has already seen it and pride is already blooming in her chest at making Kara feel better, no matter how temporary it may be because she has no doubt that by the time tomorrow rolls around she’ll be back to stress watching cooking TV shows.

Lena can see that the food is handled for now and that all she has to do is leave it and let it do its thing so she squeezes Lori gently. “Want to come and sit on the couch with me?”

Lori looks up at her with those big blue eyes that make her heart skip a beat momentarily and Lena just wants to cuddle her all day. “Yes please.” She answers, sweet as pie.

How could anyone resist that look? No one can, it’s impossible.

Kara follows the pair over to the couch with just one more glance at the pots to make sure they aren’t going to burn. She’s proud of the little bit she’s learnt and is quite embarrassed that it’s taken her until now to learn what most food looks like when it’s burning and at how little she actually knows, especially given that she’s managed to pick up on a few key things in just a matter of days, something she could have done at any time but didn’t and she has no excuse as to why other than that she always had someone else in her life that could cook or she got by without needing to cook proper food other than frozen meals but she doesn’t actually count that as cooking.

Lori sits between the two of them, a hand in each other theirs and her legs swinging over the edge of the couch. The motion grabs Kara’s attention and she freezes in panic and horror. “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry, Lena. We didn’t take our shoes off, you must think us to be awfully rude.”

It makes Lena want to laugh at the look on Kara’s face but knows that now probably isn’t the best time. “Kara, stop panicking, I don’t care at all but if you would feel more comfortable taking them off, go for it. I really don’t mind.”

Her words don’t seem to make Kara feel much better and it’s strange seeing such inner conflict on Kara’s face over something she considers to be trivial. She lets Kara decide what she’s going to do and when she does, she makes her choice with a nod and quick movements as she tugs off her little ankle boots that she has slipped over some loose, patterned pants. Once hers are off, she takes Lori’s off too, the sneakers with tiny soccer balls on them coming off with just a few tugs at the Velcro.

She gathers the four shoes up in her hands and makes a quick trip over to the door where Lena has a pile of her shoes messily left strewn across the floor. Looking at it now, she wishes she had tidied it up because it’s such a mess but Kara doesn’t seem to care, dropping the shoes down with a thud in a way that very much resembles how Lena’s shoes got in the state they are in.

“Better?” she asks once Kara has returned.

“Much. Alex and I were never allowed to wear shoes anywhere in the house that was carpeted and it’s kind of ingrained in me at this point that it’s not allowed. We don’t have to worry about that at home since it’s all hardwood floors so I haven’t thought about it in a while.”

Now it makes sense. Lena gets why Kara looked so panicked, there’s nothing like the reverberating instincts from childhood to mess a person up at random times in their adult life. “Well, I was never raised with any of those kinds of rules but I’ll keep it in mind to offer to take my shoes off in people’s homes in the future. I hadn’t realized that I could have been coming off as rude.”

Kara’s head shakes frantically. “I wasn’t trying to infer that you’re rude or that you should offer to do so at other people’s places.”

“I know but it’s times like these that I get to reflect and see the normal things people are raised to think about, things that most people get brought up knowing that I don’t. In a strange kind of way, it’s interesting to think about, especially when I think about whether or not I would be a different person today if I had been raised to ask about my shoes rather than raised to use the correct utensils at fancy restaurants.” Lena wraps her arm around Lori as she leans more into her side but keeps eye contact with Kara the whole time she’s speaking to her.

Kara looks between her and Lori, her eyes unreadable as she does so and then she tugs her phone out of her pocket. Lena’s not sure what she’s doing until the phone is turned to her so she can see the screen. “The picture I took earlier is super cute, shall I send it to you?”

Lena’s mouth goes dry at the sight of it. She had thought that the picture was just of Lori when Kara took it earlier but seeing it now, she can see Lori’s pout and her crossed arms but she can also see herself and the enamoured look she’s embodying. She can see the smile that she didn’t know made its way onto her face and the way her eyebrows suddenly look much less harsh than they do when she looks in the mirror, all curved where there is usually nothing but straight lines. It’s strange and it’s beautiful all at once and she loves the way she looks when she’s looking at Lori, there’s a tenderness there that she didn’t know she could inhabit and she wants nothing more than to look like that all the time except for when she’s threatening rich old white men that hate her purely for being a woman.

“Absolutely.”

Kara turns the phone back to herself so she can do just that and Lena has to resist the urge to grab her wrist to make her turn it back towards her so she can keep staring at it. There’s no way in hell that photo will stay on her phone either, that’s a photo that deserves to be framed.

“Both of you look so good in this picture.” Kara’s nose scrunches as she says it, truth dripping off the words.

“Would you mind if I made a copy for my desk at work?” Lena asks, coming to the conclusion that it’s probably not a good idea to just make copies of pictures with other people’s children in them and flaunt them where other people might see them.

Kara tilts her head, clearly deep in thought. “You want a picture of you and Lori for your desk?”

Lena looks down at Lori, who is grinning up at her since she heard what her mom just said. “I would, she’s one of my favourite people.”

Lori grins even wider if that were even possible. “You’re my favourite-est too.”

With her mouth dropped open and her head shaking, Kara scoots away from the pair of them, her arms folding in a fashion that shows exactly how Lori learned the pose she did earlier. “I see that I’m not wanted here.”

“No! Mama, we want you!” Lori chimes in, launching away from Lena just long enough to tug on Kara’s hand and pull her closer across the couch to them. Lori then falls back into the space at Lena’s side for her, still dragging Kara with her so they all end up squished together, Lena’s arm sitting on the back of the couch behind Kara’s shoulders. She wishes she had the confidence to tuck it around her but just inviting her here took enough of that.

They end up half-cuddling for a minute, both Kara and Lena are too afraid of saying anything and in case the moment is broken to say anything at all in fear of having to move away because if it weren’t for Lori, neither would be in this position.

Inevitably though, the moment is broken when they don’t want it to be because Lena’s phone starts ringing with an alarm. “That’s for the food, it should be pretty much done by now.”

Standing up and making her way over to the food, Lena sees that her timings are right and so she grabs a few plates so she can start plating the food up.

“Are you alright keeping an eye on Lori while I go and grab Alex and Winn?” Kara asks, already jamming her feet back into her boots.

“I…uh,” Lena hesitates, her gaze shifting to the girl left sitting on the couch, her mom’s phone gripped in her hands and a game set onto it for her to play, one that she’s now completely engrossed in playing. “Sure, if you’re ok with that? I can go and grab them if you want me to or I can call them?”

Kara just waves her off. They are terrible at answering their phones. I’ll just go and grab them; five bucks says they are just arguing and the tyre has been sorted by now anyway.”

Lena thinks over her odds. Surely nobody would just hang out in a parking lot arguing when they could be inside socialising with people they genuinely care about. “I’ll take that deal.”

“Awesome, back in a minute,” Kara calls out and blows a kiss to Lori, who completely ignores her, a fact that Kara clearly doesn’t give a single damn about.

-

The plates have been filled and Lena has even gone as far as to set them on the dining table she has never once used since she has lived here, one that she wouldn’t own if the place didn’t come furnished so she got it in as part of the package deal.

Lori, very kindly, helps her to set the forks out at each seat, more than happy to help Lena when asked, even If she did take her time putting the phone down, she gets up not ten seconds after she was asked to. Lena is glad she did because she doesn’t feel like it would be her place to push if she refused to but also doesn’t feel like she should just let her get away with it in case she accidentally sets a bad precedent.

Kara lets herself back in just as Lena hands Lori napkins to set at each place setting while she handles drinks. “Hey, I have them.”

“Just in time.” Lena greets them. “Lori was just helping set the table. Dinner is ready so feel free to grab a seat. Does anyone want a soda? I don’t have anything alcoholic, I’m afraid so we’ll have to make do with the boring stuff.”

Kara is the only person she’s been open with about her issues with alcohol so she feels the need to try and overcompensate somewhat for the fact that there’s none in the apartment, an irrational part of her telling her that they will judge her and assume the worst of her for it. Kara doesn’t anything away though.

“I’ll take a soda please, Lori too if you don’t mind?”

“Not at all.” Lena grabs a few sodas and takes them over to the table, internally rejoicing when she sees that the space left open for her is between Kara and Lori once again, although she is at the head of the table, exactly where she doesn’t like sitting because it draws too much attention to her.

She grabbed one for Winn and Alex too even though neither of them actually answered her question, too busy stuffing their faces and arguing.

Kara leans close to her when she sits down. “You owe me five bucks. They were arguing about who did the most work on the tyre. It looked like they had finished a while ago but neither wanted to back down and even now, they’re being rude and continuing the ridiculous argument when they should be greeting the very nice lady that invited them to dinner.” Her voice grows harsh towards the end and the volume increases as she directs the words to them, telling them off in a very mother-like way.

Winn and Alex at least have the balls to look a little bit ashamed and Lena can work with that.

“Hi, Lena. Thank you for having us.” Winn greets her with a tiny wave and a smile.

Alex looks more reluctant to do so and it’s not hard to tell that the reason behind that is essentially just because she doesn’t like to be shown up or told what to do but she pushes through those feelings and swallows her pride. “Hi, boss. Thanks for dinner, it tastes awesome and sorry for being late. We had an important debate we had to settle.”

“Yes, well, that debate just cost me five bucks so I suggest you act really appreciative of the food.” Lena’s eyebrow quirks up at Alex, enjoying the way she squirms and tries to figure out what she’s talking about.

Lori taps her arm softly. “Lena?”

“Yes, darling?” The name slips out without it meaning to. it’s one she often finds herself using with Sam and Ruby but it’s been making its way over into this part of her life too, both Lori and Kara being subjected to it but neither of the pretty blue-eyed Danvers girls seem so mind, or at least aren’t displaying any kind of sign that they are uncomfortable with it.

“Can you make it smaller?” Lori asks pointing to the meat on her plate and Lena gathers quickly that what she wants is for her to cut it up for her because it’s too big and it makes her feel a little dumb that she hadn’t thought of that before and that she had to ask because of course a four-year-old needs a little bit of help.

Lena picks up Lori’s knife and fork and makes quick work of it. “Of course. Here you go.” She hands the fork to Lori so she can use it to stab up the food herself from there and during the whole process, she was so focused on helping the little one that she didn’t notice the way Kara was watching them with rapt attention, her little crush on the CEO growing exponentially with each interaction she witnesses between her and her daughter.

They fall into silence as they eat, the sound of forks scraping against plates filling the air between Kara’s hums as she tastes the food Lena has made, she certainly knows how to cook. For her, it’s a comfortable silence but for Lena, who is so far out of her comfort zone it’s crazy, the silence is filled with apprehension.

“This is so good, Lena,” Alex mutters and with it, the apprehension settles. “Seriously, this is amazing.”

“I agree,” Kara adds.

“Me too!” Lori grins, sauce around her mouth in a messy yet cute way.

“Me three.” Winn chimes in.

“Well, thank you.” Lena blushes. She’s glad they like it because she had to admit to Sam that she actually likes Kara in detail to get her to agree to hand over one of her personal recipes so she could impress the group. She’s only partially regretting that now. She’s glad the recipe is going down well but she’s also pretty terrified of the remarks Sam is bound to let slip in front of Kara and isn’t too happy that Kara will probably end up catching onto the fact that she has feelings for her.

With the way Kara feels the need to pay her back, her worst fear is that Kara will go along with her feelings out of some twisted feeling of obligation and she will end up dating Kara only to find out that Kara never actually felt the same way and she has been essentially forcing Kara into a relationship she doesn’t want.

In reality, she’s aware of the fact that Kara is an adult that can make her own choices and she probably wouldn’t actually do that because she has Lori to think about but that’s just another part of why her feelings are so messed up. There’s an innocent child involved, one that she actually really likes despite the fact that she’s never once really thought of herself as someone that likes kids or gets along with them.

In fact, until Lori, she never even considered the fact that one day she could want to be a mother, it’s something she’s just never thought about, but now she’s thinking. She’s thinking that maybe, just maybe, it could happen for her someday, that she could be open to it. She ignores the little voice in her mind that tells her that maybe she’s found it.

-

It’s late by the time they are ready to leave and Lena is surprised by how much she’s enjoyed herself. She honestly thought that she wouldn’t lose that mildly uncomfortable feeling in her stomach but as the night progresses, she finds that she’s ok. She’s having fun and she doesn’t mind having these people in her space all that much. That may, in part, be due to the fact that she knows she'll have the place back to herself tomorrow.

That doesn’t mean she wants to be rid of them though. Not by a long shot. She really likes having them here. She’s enjoyed catching up with Alex about things other than work, a topic that she’s not had the chance to deviate from when talking with her for a while because of its importance.

She’s also really enjoyed getting to know Winn more. Between yesterday and today, she can see why they keep him around. He’s a positive light in their lives with just enough about him to be grounded and intelligent. It’s impressive and she’s finding herself wanting to be his friend too. They even managed to get a good conversation in about different types of computer software and the latest issue of their shared favourite science magazine.

Lori has long since fallen asleep though because Lena put on a movie for her and it seems like this little girl is just completely incapable of getting all the way through one without falling asleep. Lena had offered to have her in the guest room so they don’t wake her up and Kara had readily agreed, lifting Lori up and letting Lena guide her to the right room, one where a massive king-sized bed sits in the centre of it, a stylish patterned bedspread across it.

It's late though, so late that it’s dark out and it’s no longer Saturday.

“We should leave you in peace, we’ve overtaken your apartment for longer than I’m sure you imagined us being here.” Kara leans her head back against the couch as she says it, the fatigue evident in her eyes.

“Not at all, I’ve had a really good night. Thank you all for coming.”

“Thanks for having us.” Winn retorts. “But Kara’s right, we’d better go. Hopefully, my spare tyre will get us back across town in one piece.”

Lena grimaces. “I forgot about that. Are you sure it’s safe?”

Winn shrugs. “I mean, it should be. Alex and I did a good job at getting it on so it should be fine. I just hope my spare doesn’t get flat too, I don’t have a spare for my spare.” He tries to joke but it falls flat.

“Maybe I should just drive you guys home, it wouldn’t be any trouble.” Lena is already mentally preparing herself to have to drive when Alex holds a hand up. “Place that butt back down, Luthor. We’ll be perfectly alright, right Kara?”

All eyes fall onto Kara, who has her head resting in her hand, her elbow perched on the arm of the couch and her eyes closed, her breath heavy as her chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm.

“I think we’ve lost her.” Winn snorts.

Alex huffs. “Lena, give her a shake so we can get out of your hair.”

Lena doesn’t do that, she doesn’t want to wake Kara up, especially when she’s obviously tired. “It’s ok. If you guys want to stay the night because it’s late, that’s fine. Lori is already asleep in the guest room and it would be a shame to wake her too.”

Winn shakes his head. “I appreciate the offer and any other time, I’d take you up on it because I hate driving in the dark but I promised to help an old college buddy out tomorrow morning and then we’re catching up over coffee so I have to be up early and I don’t want to wake you guys up.”

“I’m not staying either,” Alex declares. “You can keep the strays but If this is my chance to have the apartment to myself overnight, I’m most definitely taking it.”

Lena rolls her eyes. “That’s not a nice thing to call your sister and your niece.”

“You’re right, Kara is the only stray, Lori is a very fancy pedigree.”

“You’re insufferable. Get out and stop picking on your sister.” Lena stands up slowly so the couch doesn’t jolt and wake Kara up. Alex watches her, barely holding in her snort of laughter at the way Lena is acting.

Lena walks them to the door, elated that she’s getting to keep her two favourites of the bunch for the night, as creepy as that sounds. A tiny smile graces her lips as she watches Alex and Winn gather their things.

“Alex, I’ll drop Kara and Lori off in the morning. Want us to grab coffee and doughnuts on our way over?” Lena asks.

“Yes but don’t pretend you’re going to go and get doughnuts for any reason other than to flirt with my sister.”

Lena stops breathing.

“Oh, don’t look so shocked. You’re not the first person to become enthralled by her and honestly, I can see why. She’s annoying as hell but she’s the kindest, most genuine person you will ever meet and the size of her heart far outweighs all of the irritating things she does. Pretty much everyone falls in love with her or clamours to at least be her best friend. I can see which category you’re in already. I approve though, don’t worry.”

Alex reels off her speech like it’s nothing and Lena has no idea how to respond.

“And once again Alex chases away one of Kara’s prospective suitors.” Winn quips. “There’s only one you didn’t manage to scare off and we all know how that went.”

If Lena didn’t know what to say before, she certainly doesn’t after Winn’s last comment. “Right so, uh. I’ll see you tomorrow, Alex.”

Alex nods slowly. “Yeah.” She turns to head out the door before turning back. “She doesn’t know, she’s practically oblivious, I think you should ask her out though, I think she’d say yes.”

“I don’t think I can do that.”

“Just think about it.” Alex urges her. “Thanks again for having us. It’s been a really nice night.”

“Anytime,” Lena replies and she finds the word to hold more truth than she originally thought. She might not appreciate this little goodbye chat but other than that, the night has been fantastic and she would love to have the chance to do it again.

Alex takes one last look over at a still-sleeping Kara. “Look after her.”

“I will.”

The door closes softly and Lena looks around the place, never happier to see a mess because for once, her apartment actually feels lived in. This is the second time Kara’s been here and now, this place is starting to actually feel like somewhere she enjoys being. Maybe that’s because she’s got memories to treasure now.

Very quietly, she sets dirty dishes in the kitchen to be washed tomorrow and grabs all of the trash that’s lying around the place. All the while she’s kept one ear out just in case Lori wakes up because she’s sure that waking up in a place she doesn’t recognise would be scary for her the same way it would be for anyone to wake up somewhere that isn’t their own bed.

Only once everything is as clean as she’s going to get it for tonight because she’s also tired and she’s looking forward to flopping into bed, does she move towards Kara to wake her up.

She shakes her very lightly, her voice low as she tries to rouse her from her slumber. “Kara? Kara? Wake up.”

Kara wakes up slowly and her eyes are barely open. “Lena?”

“Hey, Winn has taken Alex home. You and Lori are staying here tonight. Come on, let’s get you to the guest room and I’ll grab you something to change into.”

Kara is tired enough that she doesn’t question it, she just nods and takes the hand that Lena offers to help her up.

Lena takes her back to the guest room, peeking in to see that Lori hasn’t moved an inch since she was placed tentatively on one side of the bed. “I’ll be right back with something for you to change into.”

Kara catches her hand as she is about to turn away. “Thank you, Lena. You’re my guardian angel.”

Lena’s eyes flutter closed as she’s pulled into the world’s most powerful hug. It’s filled with gratitude and kindness and regret and excitement and hope. Especially hope.

“You’re welcome.” Lena pats her back gently. “Now, let’s get you sorted before you fall asleep again.”

Lena flicks through her drawers in her room until she finds some sleep shorts and a baggy sweatshirt to hand over to Kara, one from her days at MIT. Kara takes them with a smile. “Goodnight, Lena.”

“Goodnight, Kara,” Lena replies, closing the door to the guest room behind her.

She sleeps well knowing who is under her roof.

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