#it also doesnt help that i blame myself for everything

[joyouspursuits]

I'm so tired of feeling so sick all the time.

[squipdop]

sorry im a god gale truther btw i DO think he should get to usurp mystra and ascend to godhood and i do think that should be an absolutely awful thing to happen to him but also literally everyone else. sorry

[sanjisblackasswife]

i was wondering how would the monster trio react if they randomly got a boner and bro im SURE sanji’s cock twitches 47 times a day given the thoughts he constantly has 🙄🙄 zoro gets them while he sleeps so he waits for his dick to calm down before standing up,, people think he’s lazy but he’s just hard and doesn’t want anybody to know🤭🤭

luffy’s dick gets hard when he thinks about being the pirates king 😒😒

“𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕚𝕣 𝔻𝕚𝕔𝕜 𝔾𝕖𝕥𝕤 ℍ𝕒𝕣𝕕 ℝ𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕠𝕞𝕝𝕪”

All are very canon cuz i seen it for myself.

Ft. Zoro, Luffy, Sanji

Blk Fem! Reader in Mind

CW: Dick talk, established relationships because i wanna project and include myself😓

Luffy

When he gets hard it’s really rare and i feel like it’s partially because of his rubbery body….does that even make sense

He gets hard from very few things and they’re always so minuscule or random its hard to know if he’s actually turned on or if his body is just trynna be funny.

You once made him a dessert that you really wanted to try without the assistance of sanji and when Luffy ate it he not only fell in love with you, but loved the sweet pastry so much you noticed a tent grow in his shorts

Very shameless in the morning by the way.

Every man gets morning wood at least once a lifetime and when Luffy gets it

everybody knows.

“LUFFY PUT THAT THING AWAY?!”

“Calm down, Nami it’ll go down in a sec..😄”

Has been heard by the guys a few times with him jacking off late night when his hard on is just so bothersome.

“GO DO THAT SOMEWHERE ELSE—“

“OR GO SEE Y/N!”

“Dont wanna. Shes too far. Im almost done dont worry.”

Usopp ends up pissed the entire day.

His boners can ironically go down quickly if he eats meat.

You swear his dick has a mind of it’s own, all you did was tell him about how much higher his bounty would get after defeating Kaido and his dick started poking you in the back.

Now he is still a guy and guys also can be attracted to women so you being his girlfriend—you’re not necessarily excluded.

However he gets hard at the simplest things you do.

Taking his hat, Calling him captain, even play fighting with him he ends up getting hard so hopefully youre a good gf and willing to help him out when it happens😁

Zoro

He claims he can control his erections .

No he cannot.

If he’s in a relationship with you he’s more shy about letting you know about his dick problems because you dont want him to think hes a pervert.

He can’t control a damn thing his dick does which is why he blames you.

“I had more balance before I met you—“

“Wh—HELLO?”

“LOOK. WOMAN.”

All you did was hug him.

When he gets morning wood he is usually laying around a little longer. He has tried jacking off while in the room with the guys as they slept but he heard Luffy sleep walking (with his own hard on) and immediately just went back to sleep.

He very rarely does get hard though. However you plan to find out every single thing that turns him hard and so far you only found 2:

The first one is kissing, hes a touch starved man and you can never help yourself when it comes to locking lips with him. Your tongue wrapped around his, your hands on his chest and straddling him as he gropes your ass, he’s so needy it’s almost too cute to handle. and the look on his face when you feel him poke you is absolutely EVERYTHING.

The one that shocked you the most was when youre arguing with him. He doesnt know why he gets turned on by how mad you get whether it’s at him or someone else but the blood flow of his dick is damn near on fire. Maybe it’s because you have an accent when you speak fast, maybe it’s because it’s a rare occurrence, or maybe zoro is a freak. But seeing you so pent up and pissed makes his pants tight

Zoro getting hard consist of him being irritable, quiet, and trying to isolate himself until he or you fix the issue

Sanji

He’s always half hard.

Wanna know something else, his blood fits he has (the ones that didnt turn into a fucking plot point) are representing each time he gets hard.

Anyways though, he masturbates regularly. If he’s not cooking or out with the crew he is in the bathroom helping himself.

His hard ons are easy to spot because he’ll hide himself behind a counter with blush on his face or stand behind you.

He is shameless with his hardons only when you’re around.

He can get hard just by seeing you smile so have fun with that.

But he gets incredibly hard(and even easier) after you both have had sex before

If you all are on the deck and you wanna wear another thin ass bikini of course he is going to get hard. Thinking about the things he’d do to you if you just gave him the green light.

Which is also why Sanji stares at you a lot.

So he will come behind you and bury his face in your shoulder or neck whining.

You don’t mind it. It’s cute to see him rut up behind your ass, his accent slipping through .

“May we..go to your room please?”

If you say yes he will walk SUPER close behind you trying to hide his painful erection, mumbling small praises and thanks for you being so understanding.

He’s so grateful for you :(

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for… encouraging my friend to self harm?? idk read the whole thing

so a few years back i had this friend (i’ll call Kai) and that was basically my only friend. i was codependent and it was an unhealthy relationship. they made everything into a competition. at this point i was figuring out my gender. deep down i knew that i was trans but i didn’t want to admit that to myself. it felt like such a heavy label that meant so much more than it says. it was very hard for me to admit to myself that i was a trans guy. they were also figuring out their gender and decided to make it into a competition of “who’s more trans” or whatever the fuck. whenever i would say “i think i feel more masculine recently i might use a different label” they would immediately say they were using a label that made them more masc. like if i said i was say 50% male they would be like “well I’M 75% male” and at first i was like cool! maybe i’m making them more comfortable to admit to themself that they're a guy! but it kept happening. every time. and when i finally admitted it to myself that i was a trans guy, they tried to get me to be non binary. it wasnt as bad as it sounds, just one or two little remarks but they didnt keep trying.

one time i was in a bad place. i was hitting myself and giving myself bruises. it was like 1am and i started texting kai about my stupid ass "philosophy" which was basically "i hate everything, nothing matters, we're all gonna die anyway" and then they sent me a video of them cutting their arm with scissors and said "if nothing matters than it doesnt matter if i do this? you dont care?" and i freaked the fuck out. i felt so bad. i did not react correctly i should have gotten them help i should have done my best to stop it but i didnt i dont remember exactly what i responded with but it was along the lines of "nothing matters but you shouldnt do that you should make the most of your life" or smth stupid like that. so that night i ended up cutting myself AND THEY TURNED THAT INTO A FUCKING COMPETITION TOO. like "i cut myself real deep three times here" when i mentioned i cut myself. and so i continued to cut myself because i thought it made them feel less alone. i didn’t realize they were trying to make it seem like they had it oh so much worse and cut themself more than i did and whatever. i don’t know how to explain this but i feel like i don’t blame myself as much as i should. i always act as if i didn’t do anything wrong but idk. aita? also there’s more to this story but it got long so i might do a part 2 (is that allowed?)

What are these acronyms?

[lillyspeakz]

Can we get werewolfbur struggling to figure out how to hide himself away so he doesnt hurt someone?

I love myself some werewolfbur…..

Also I’m so sorry, this is basically all plot with very little dialogue-

tw// make-out, angst, hurt comfort, fluff, Wilbur and reader being funny (I think)

-

He knew how people saw his kind. Mean, aggressive, vicious. For centuries they’ve been hunted and killed for things that weren’t their fault, yet who they were made people question it all. They were pinned for blame on every murder that happened in town, being named the “killer dogs”. Wilbur grew up being cautious, things have dialed down a bit since he’s been a kid, yet you never knew who you were going to meet and who knew what.

But, when Wilbur met you, there was a slight moment when he forgot about everyone else, their thoughts about him and his family, and only focused on you. His eyes becoming wide and dilated as he took you in, admiring your smile as you sat next to him, introducing yourself with a bubbly atmosphere. He never understood how quick you befriended him, why you befriended him. He was shy, quiet, the weird kid if you will. Yet you, you took his hand and stood next to him in everything.

As you both continued to grow up, graduating together and getting a shared apartment, you and Wilbur started to get… closer. Closer then what friends should be, and you both knew that. Yet you didn’t complain, rather taking the situation slow and taking strides together.

Random cuddles on the couch, dinner dates, going to each others room when not being able to sleep, dancing in the kitchen. More and more things were happening to your relationship, as more and more things were happening to Wilbur.

He was developing quicker, he became stronger, his urges got easier to resist yet he couldn’t put it off for long. He was becoming something he always feared. With all the stress and confusion and anxiety mixed with love and passion and want….. he eventually snapped.

And not in a mean way or deadly way, but he hid. He didn’t know what to do, so he hid. Away from you, away from his family, away from everyone in the middle of the god forsaken woods where he thought he belong. No, where he knew he belonged. He was going to hurt you one day, or hurt the people around him and he would suffer the consequences and live with that guilt. And he couldn’t- he didn’t want to live with that ache.

You saw the change in Wilbur; his body muscles looked toner, his mood changed dramatically and he became more possessive over everything. Especially you. You knew he was a werewolf, you accidentally found out when you walked in on him naked in the shared bathroom, rubbing dirt off of his face the best he could. The conversation was awkward after, having seen him butt ass naked with dirt covering all of his body, and him not knowing how to explain this to you.

But you weren’t afraid of him like he thought you would be. You almost felt more… protected. Like if you needed help, Wilbur was the person to call. You took the new information and stored it, so for the next time he did transform, you were there to help draw him a warm bath and make him some tea.

But when he had quickly told you he was going out, he never came back. No text, no call, nothing. Just silence filling an empty house. Every time you texted him or called, nothing would go through. Like he damaged his phone.

It was only two days later that you got tired of waiting, rushing over to his parents house, knocking on the door as you played with your hands.

“Hi honey! What’s going on? Where’s Wil?” His mom asked as you rushed inside when she stood to the side. You quickly went to the kitchen and sat down at the dinner table, your leg bouncing in nervousness and stress as you figured out what to say.

Your thoughts were interrupted as a hand was placed on yours. Your eyes darted up and found a warm smile on her face, gentle eyes silently asking you to tell her what was happening.

“It’s Wilbur. I don’t- he’s been acting weird lately and he just left. He hasn’t been back in a couple days and I’m so worried. What if it’s too late and something happened? I know he’s been worried about hurting me when he’s fully grown into everything an-“

“Darling. It’s all ok. Take a deep breath real quick, good job. I’m not supposed to be telling you this because I promised him I would be quiet but, you deserve some answers.” She finished as she nudged her head towards the woods the house stood outside of. Looking at her with furrowed eyebrows, hesitant about going, she nodded at you with a smile. You got up and opened the back door as she watched you walk into the dark greenery, her head snapping behind her as she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“She’s a good one.” Wil’s father declares as his mother placed her own over his hand, interlocking them as she did.

“Yeah she is. I just hope he sees that.”

-

As you walked deeper into the woods, the sky becoming darker and the trees getting closer, you saw a flicker of light in the distance. You slowly walked over to the source, stepping over a small creek as you found the man himself.

He looked rough. Bags under his eyes as he threw rocks and sticks into the fire. His back was against a rock as a blanket wrapped around his body. There was a small cabin like house behind him, which you guessed that’s where he’s been cooped up.

As you walked closer, silently to not startle him, hiding behind a tree as you watch him in the moment, grateful for his mother and grateful he’s alive-

“Don’t try to hide love. You should know that I could smell you from a mile away.” He turned his head towards you, your head peaking out as you nervously smiled at him and stepped out. “I see mother dearest ruined my hiding spot-“

“Well I came here first so don’t blame her.” You quickly defended the women as he smiled at you, making you aware that he knew. “Stalking me much?”

“No.. more like you’re loud when you talk and your stomps against the leaves didn’t help.” Wilbur teased you as he smirked at your gapped mouth.

“Fuck you! I was quiet as can be mister ‘I have super hearing’” you jokes back as he laughed at your statement. It felt nice, to laugh with him again. To be in his space and see him ok, all worry draining from you as you sat next to you once he patted the space. “Why’d you leave? Wil- you left and didn’t come back! I thought you were-“

“Baby, you know why I left. I know you do.” Wilbur whispered towards you as he grabbed your hand in his. “I’m not happy your here right now either, you shouldn’t me near me-“

“Wilbur! I have told you this, you won’t hurt me. I know you won’t. And if you tried, it’s ok. We’ll work on it. That’s what I’m here for, don’t leave me out of this, ok? I signed up for this, now I do my part.” You told the man, tears filling his eyes as you exposed everything about him that made him scared of himself.

Hurting you was the last thing he wanted to do, and the stories he read didn’t help his thoughts. The tragic tales of his kind killing and hurting people, and he knew that was before they all learned how to control and be one with everyone, but he also knew there was a possibility that he could do something.

“I’m scared of myself. How can you be so sure that i won’t do anything when I don’t trust myself? I just- fuck.. why did this happen to me?!” Wilbur cried desperately as you brought him into your chest, holding him and cooing at him the best you could in his state.

“Wil listen. I trust you because you’re still the Wilbur I fell in love with. No matter what transformations you have, no matter what happens, you are still Wil. That shy kid in the back of the class that no one knew, until I had the greatest idea ever to sit next to and talk to. If that isn’t enough to trust yourself, i don’t know what is.” You’re words came out as a whisper, keeping the conversation between the two of you, making sure other creatures of the night weren’t eavesdropping.

Wilbur sat up from your hold, hands slipping to cup his face as you took him in. Brown eyes blown out in confusion yet love. His body slowly relaxing as you wiped away his tears. Your touch electric against his skin as he shifted closer to you. He didn’t know exactly what he was doing, but the next thing he knew his lips were on yours in a slow kiss. The kiss was full of love and far too much passion to let it go ignored. Gasps and groans were exchanged into each others mouths as your hands ran through his hair and his own exploring your body.

The kiss quickly heated up, you back now against the rock as Wilbur slotted himself in between your legs. You pulled away slightly, Wilbur’s lips chasing yours as you giggled at his whines, playing with his strands as you did.

“Come home.” It wasn’t an ask, it was a demand. A simple demand that Wilbur would soon follow, but for now-

“Always, but after this…”

taglist; @number1wilburfan @cloverlilly91 @horny-p0et @charlidog @lizziehatters-teacards @rottenr0ckets (lowkey just added random people- if you want to be added, dm or comment!)

[magpod-confessions]

Honestly i wanna hear opinions on season 4, cus im gonna confess i could NOT finish it (didnt move on to season 5 either lol). Got to like ep 135 & i just couldnt tell any of the episodes apart it felt like such a drag; just a slog of misery with some offhand Important 5 Minutes once in a blue moon. I hate repetition & i got the sparknotes from fandom/wiki stuff so yeahhh i just stopped listening; i still love TMA & it’s story & characters, it’s just the execution that got to me RIP

Everything felt kinda forced to me ig? Like there was some shoe-horned “humans are more monstrous than the actual monster” that snuffed S1 Jon’s fun cockiness/jackassery just to make him ? The best one in the archive ??? & all of his wrongdoings are either off-screen or justified by him being tricked into becoming a literal monster against his will (who would STARVE w/o his ‘evil-doings’, which didnt even kill ppl). Also felt like everyone got needlessly dumbed down except for Martin (the Love Interest ofc, who got 180’d from his pre-established incompetency to be some mastermind in a playing field he should have REALLY been inept in) just so they’d be blind to Jon’s situation & be mean to him LMAO

They started trying to make Jon accountable for “choosing this” & i couldnt handle it, held no fucking water to me—the guy being explicitly puppetted & manipulated as the entire plot? That guy is expected to take responsibility here? Felt like some after-thought theme they threw on top of it all. Anyways uhh feel free comment either on what i said and/or your personal thoughts on the season, or nothing if ya got nothing lol

🗣️

Ehh disagree. S4 isnt my fav but I dont think its bad. S1 Jon to s4 jon feels like natural character progression to me. He starts as acting all high and mighty to try hide the fact he has no idea what hes doing and is terrified, and then experiences a lot of ppl dying that he feels is due to him and is his responsibility. At that point his thought pattern is 'I keep messing up and making mistakes and getting myself and everyone around me hurt, so other ppl surely know better'. Hes got a lot of black and white thinking around him, which has been consistent throughout his entire characterization

I dont think any characters were dumbed down either

Melanie was always angry, she only go worse bc she had smth making her think everything she did was justified and when that stopped she became avoidant and stopped lashing out. She was still angry, just managing it better

Basira has always been Daisys no1, the person to justify all of Daisys actions. She knows what daisy did and why its bad but she holds onto the idea that daisy is right in doing so. She blames jon for what he does bc logically she knows its wrong, hurting ppl who havent done anything is wrong, but still excuses daisy bc she needs to. Bc that was a fact of her life and it cannot be wrong. In the unknowning she focuses on facts to keep her grounded and to her 'Daisy is a good person' 'Hurting ppl is wrong' and 'If you hurt ppl you are a bad person' are all facts she needs in her life to stay grounded. How she justifies Daisys actions is by saying that the ppl who daisy hurt were worse and it ultimately helps more ppl to have them gone. Not only can she not do that with Jon, as she believes those he hurts are entirely innocent, she also doesnt care to. Shes not close with Jon and she doesnt have 'Jon is a good person' as a fact in her mind, so she doesnt need to work to excuse his actions. Its all or nothing with her, if you hurt and continue hurting ppl, no matter your reason, you need to stop and the only way you will stop is if you are gone. She also has a lot of black and white thinking, gotta love the autism podcast

Martin being a mastermind in s4 also makes sense bc him being stupid is an act. If ppl think your stupid theyll underestimate you and ultimately leave you alone. They wont scrutinize you, they wont attack every part of you, they will brush it off as just a typical normal thing. It will get you ignored and you cannot be hurt if nobody knows who you are or how to hurt you. Its a lonely miserable existence but its one martins used to. Martin rarely drops the mask of 'Sweet but stupid' bc he needs that to survive and tbh he probably learnt that from needing to survive his mom LOL. Martin just knows and picks the best method of getting ppl to like him, which for him is doing exactly what they want and keeping their expectations low so they wont hurt him as much when they mess up. Honestly in s5 I see him as hes finally got to a place where he doesnt care if everyone hates him, bc he has someone who does and thats all he needs. Hes survived the worst of it and he doesnt care anymore

Part of the reason everyone blames Jon is bc he is there and he is the one who is currently causing the most problems. Also they dont actually see the extent that Jon is manipulated. Elias talks and interacts with Jon differently to how he interacts with others. All of them met Jon when he was already at the institute, they meet him when it does actually look like he made his choice, entirely of his own free will. It doesnt help that daisy is there, someone who completed their transformation like Jon did and turned back on it, and she looks like shes managing well enough. She is surviving without feeding so why cant Jon do the same? Also basira does trust elias on some level. She trusts he knows more than she does and can be an asset if used correctly, which definitely doesnt help things. Also the idea of Elias is locked up, he cant affect Jon anymore so why is Jon still acting this way. Elias has very effectively vilified and isolated jon and jon doesnt fight back against it bc he believes it as well. Other ppl are normally right so why wouldnt everyone be right abt him?

Oh my god that was an essay and I absolutely missed sooo much stuff but idk take that - rosette

i literally have nothing to add . rosette sincerely you are insane and i love that . i honestly don't have a lot of s4 opinions that i could really put down , but i also disagree anon . s4 may not have been the best , but it certainly wasn't Bad or not enjoyable to listen to . coming from someone who has listened to the podcast twice now [ and who is planning on a third relisten ] , i really do enjoy s4 as a whole . martin's buildup and his manipulation of peter lukas is honestly one of my favourite parts , because it has been said that martin was originally going to be apart of the mother of puppets ! this shows that part of martin we didn't get to see but has been there . i got distracted and don't remember what else i was gonna type um . whoops - deceit

[gryffindormarveltwilight]

All We Need - Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Reader - Part 3

A/N: Here is Part 3 to the Jake x reader series, sorry for the delay! Also thank you everyone who has commented and reblogged the last few parts! as always any feedback or requests are always welcomed! x

Masterlist

Pairings: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x fem!pilot!benjamin Reader

Warnings: Mentions of Death, Angst, Fluff, Naval Inaccuracies

‘Uncle Ice, what are you doing here shouldnt you be with Sarah and Daisy.’

‘We are heading to the zoo later but i thought I would check in on you first after all it is your first time back in the air.’

‘You didn’t have to Ice, Jake and I are coming over after work to pick Daisy up.’

‘Doesnt mean i cannot come check on you plus i needed to make sure Mav hasn’t been fired yet.’ I let out a loud laugh which makes Ice smile, I always thought growing up dad’s were the most protective person when it comes to there daughters but however thought that has never been the only girl born into an aviator family. Ice, Slider, all of the ‘86 team all had sons except my parents so naturally I was the daughter of the group none more protective over me than Ice though, all my training graduations, the first time i ejected due to a birdstrike every achievement in my career Ice was the first one there, it was a running joke that I was secretly his daughter.

‘Thank you Uncle Ice, but i did well up in the air and managed to shoot them both down.’ That made him smile mumbling ‘thats my girl’ under his breathe.

‘And how about the other thing.’

‘I know in my head that Loki’s death wasn’t my fault but i can’t help blame myself.’

‘Have you spoken to Jake about it.’ I shake my head to which Ice gives me a seriously look.

‘He has enough on his plate with this mission and Daisy, I cannot be another distraction. I need to focus on making sure everyone in that room comes back alive.’

‘And that you come back alive Y/N.’

‘Ice….’

‘And that you come back as well.’ He said in a stern father like tone.

‘I will try Ice but if it comes down to me or a member of that squad as team leader i know the choice I have to make.’

‘Y/N….’ I hear behind me turning to see Phoenix and Bob holding their helmets.

‘Phe, Bob how much did you hear?’ 

‘Only the stiff about the mission and you making the choices to protect the team.’ Bob replies quickly. I nod and they walk past mumble a quick Sir as they pass Ice.

‘I think you should go check in on Mav, he just went up against Rooster .’ He nods and turns away

‘This conversation is far from over but some advice about Loki, talk to Jake you may think you would distract him but if he senses something is wrong with you that will distract him more.’ And with that Iceman walked off to find Mav, i took of running down the hall to where Phoenix and Bob were standing.

‘Hey, can you guys not mention what you heard to anyone especially Hangman.’

‘Athena, is what you said true that you not expecting someone to walk away from this.’

‘Yeah, its true, but it is also true what i said, I am doing everything in my power to train you guys to come home and on the mission I will do everything in my power to make sure everyone comes home.’

‘Including you, we can’t lose you Athena,’ Bob mumbles and i pull him into a hug which Phoenix soon joins

‘I will try for you guys okay. Now whose up in the air?’ And we headed off towards the rec room both of them throwing the occasional glance at me.

After going up in the sky a few more times against various pilots and remaining undefeated it was Mavs turn to go again this time against Hangman and Rooster, listening in on the radio I could hear snide comments from Jake’s Hangman persona as i like to call it before listening to Mav and Rooster fighting in a cobra formation, I look at Phoenix who looks mad and concerned when we hear Rooster get caught by mav and sent back to base.

‘Phe can i talk to him first.’ She nodded knowing I may be the only one Rooster will actually talk to. I run down toward the tarmac where he is getting out of his plane.

‘What the hell Bradley!’ I yell and shove his chest

‘It is none of your business Y/N.’

‘The hell it is not this is my team remember and on top of that I just had to listen to my brother and uncle get in a near deathly formation both to damn stubborn to pull up!’ I continue to yell at him and before i could stop what I was saying I yelled toward him

‘Mav didnt pull your papers because he thought you werent ready!’ Bradly stops in his tracks and turns to face me anger across his face.

‘What do you know Athena.’

‘Bradley listen…’

‘TELL ME!’

‘Your Mum asked Mav to pull your papers before she passed, she was scared for you to be an aviator after what happened to Goose.’

‘She what..’

‘I was there when she asked Mav, and she begged me not to tell you so I didn’t’

‘Yeah well you should’ve told me!’ I look down,

‘I know but I was 12 years old Bradley and terrified, what did you want me to do?’

‘Tell me Y/N you were my sister! I can’t talk to you right now.’ I stood frozen as he walked away from my Phoenix looking at me confused before taking off toward rooster. Mav came running over to me followed by Jake I hadn’t even noticed tears welling in my eyes for the second time that day.

‘Athena,,,,,Y/N?’

‘I told him Uncle Mav.’ I said in a small voice before Mav pulled me into a tight hug he was speaking to Jake behind him but I couldn’t make out what was being said before I knew it I was out of Mavs arms and into Jakes who gave me a tight squeeze before leading me toward the locker rooms to grab our kit. 

‘Jake, I am sorry i kept that i was an Ace and got a promotion from you.’

‘I know and its okay but Y/N what is going on with you, up in the air you are cool calm and collected like always but the moment you are on the ground something just changes I haven’t seen you like this since we learnt Ice was sick.’

‘The mission I got recalled from, it was a tough one, and rattled me a bit, i just need to get my focus right then i will be fine.’ 

‘Y/N, lets say i believe you, you know you can tell me anything. Want to start by what happened between you and rooster.’

‘I told him why Mav really pulled his papers and that it only happened because his Mum asked.’ 

‘How did you know?’

‘I overheard the conversation when I was 12 years old.’

‘And you never?’

‘I have never told anyone until today.’ Jake nods.

‘He won’t be mad forever, he just needs to process it.’

‘Can we got get Daisy, Mav has dismissed everyone, I need to see her after today and make up for leaving this morning.’ Jake smiles and nods. As we start walking to our cars I head towards mine before Jake picks me up over his shoulder taking me towards his, causing me to genuinely laugh which in turn made Jake smile.

After a short drive where Jake was updating me on what had been happening while i was gone we finally pulled into the driveway next to Ices car, before Jake can even put it in park I jump out of the car and run toward where i see Ice, Sarah and Daisy, Daisy sees me and starts running as she jumped into my arms. Ice and Sarah smile at the sight before Jake walks up and wraps his arms around both of us.

‘Don’t the look so happy Tom.’

‘If only they would open their eyes and see it.’

After an hour we left Ice an Sarah’s we headed home. As we walked through the door I had Daisy in my arms and Jake was holding pizza and ice-cream, we headed into the lounge room where Jake put on ‘Beauty and the Beast’ knowing it was mine and Daisy favourite disney movie, as the movie went on we finished the pizza and ice cream we moved onto the couch Jakes arm wrapped around me, me curling into his side and Daisy in the middle of us. My thoughts drifted between the movie and the mission before thoughts of how at peace i was in this very moment started to drift in making me smile. What I hadn’t realised was my shirt had slowly crept up the red scar that was slowly fading on my side catching Jakes attention making him crease his brows before he pressed a kiss to my forehead. As the movie ended i moved to grab the rubbish from dinner as Jake scooped up daisy moving her to her room.

I checked my phone seeing some messages from the squad saying they all decided to skip the Hard Deck tonight which i was grateful for. I grabbed a beer from the fridge before heading to the back deck on the swing chair Jake had installed. Too lost in my own thoughts i barely heard Jake come back out before i felt him sit on the chair and hesitantly wrap his arm around me. I felt a few tears escape my eyes.

‘I lost my wingman.’ Jake straightened up tightening his grip around me. ‘Loki and I were on a routine mission when we were intercepted by three hostiles, it was a dog fight the whole way back to the carrier, I managed to take out two but before i could take out the third which Loki was going up against he was shot down, he never even had time to pull the ejection handles. I disobeyed orders to get out of there to go back and get the third jet and i did it made me an Ace and somehow disobeying the orders earned me a promotion.’ I took a breath holding in tears. ‘I shot down the enemy but not before they got off a few good shots my plane was so damaged I am honestly not sure how it was still flying enough to take down the last one. As i hit the other plane they hit me, i was forced to eject and caught shrapnel of the plane in my side. The rescue team was quick to find me but i spent just over a month in a base hospital recovering, it was touch and go for a while.’

‘Why wasn’t i told you were in the hospital.’ Jake asked with tears in his eyes.

‘I asked everyone not to tell you, the only people who know are Cyclone, Dad, Ice and Mav. And Mav and Cyclone only know cause today was my first day back in the air.’ 

‘I wish you had told me I could have helped.’

‘I wasn’t going to tell you Jake, we need to be focused on this mission, i didnt want you to be worried and distracted by me.’

He didnt respond straight away instead moving to kneel infront of me. ‘I worry about you everytime you go up in the sky as for a distraction I was more distracted when I knew something was wrong but didn’t know how to help.’

I let out a small laugh which caused jake to look at me confused. ‘Ice said the same thing.’ He also laughed before moving back to his spot beside me. After a while i drifted off to sleep felling Jake pick me up and walk me towards the bed rooms. As he put me down on my bed he went to leave, before he could get far i grabbed his hand and asked him to stay, he slid into the bed beside me. Before either of us could fully get to sleep we felt a little body snuggle between us and mumble a few words which made me a Jake open our eyes wide and look at each other.

‘Love you Daddy, Love you Momma.’ Neither of us said anything just gave Daisy a quick kiss on the head before going to sleep.

The next morning, neither of us mentioned anything and Daisy had gone back to calling me Aunt Thena, there was a slight pang in my heart but I also reminded myself I wasn’t her mother despite being the closest thing she had to one, i missed the sadness on Jakes face every time she called me Aunt again, Jake secretly wishing she was my daughter. As the morning went on Sarah picked up Daisy and Jake and I headed to work. We had been there a few hours Jake in the air with Coyote and Mav myself and the other squad member listening in the rec room when I heard my name being shouted out i turned towards the door seeing a concerned Ice holding a crying Daisy in his arms. I shoot out of my chair and run over to them. 

‘Ice whats…’

‘MOMMA!’ Daisy screams and tries to launch out of Ices arms and into mine, I could feel the stares of the squad members as I took daisy into my arms looking at Ice for an explanation. I turn Rooster had followed me to Ice, he had apologised for his outburst yesterday as had I for keeping the secret, Roosters face had confusion and  concern written all over it.

‘Rooster, I need you to get Hangman back on the ground.’

‘HANGMAN! What Athena, what the hell.’

‘NOW ROOSTER!’ Without any argument he ran to the control tower as myself and Ice headed to the tarmac Jakes plane landing minutes later.

‘Athena what the hell why did you….’ His sentence cut off seeing me holding Daisy in my arms flanked by Ice. He dropped his helmet and sprinted over to me and tried to take Daisy out of my arms. ‘No I want Momma.’ Jake and i looked confused this was the 3rd time in 24 hours that she had called me that, sure shes called me it before but never this frequently. Ice gave myself and Daisy a quick kiss on the forehead and Jake a pat on the shoulder before saying he would meet us in the rec room. Coyote jumped out of his plane seeing myself, jake and daisy before running over to us concern written on his face.

Back in the hanger all the daggers had come to see what was going on looking very confused about the scene in front of them. Before Fanboy broke the silence.

‘HANGMAN HAS A KID!’

Taglist:

@dory-98 @djs8891 @brooke-stinson

[writers-get-biters]

sooooo tired of feeling bad and shitty and stuck and miserable

fuck my relationship ocd i hate it so much and also fuck being forced to do stuff i dont want by people i dont want to be with sometimes (like now )they get into some sort of fucked up loop where i feel miserable because of stuff in my brain and then theres external stuff which also fucks it up more so then my disabilities become more disabling because obviously and then i get blamed and hurt more externally because of my disabilities that are not! my! fault! and then of course that makes internal shit worse so then im just stuck in the middle forced to pretend shit doesnt suck and actually im fine and actually everythings fine keep being "jokingly" mean to me and pushing my boundaries i dont care i get it its actually really okay if you say something to me that most other people i know offline wouldnt consider mean even though i have told you to stop its okay if you dont stop i guess i guess its fine if no one listens to me and i have to sit in miserable silence by myself because i dont even feel like doing anything that any of my ceters enjoy like drawing or our data entry projects or video games or writing and it doesnt matter i guess that im so stressed because since its from an arbitrary authoritative institution everyone is supposedly fine with that makes it totally okay and actually the real problem is me and i guess im the problem and reason why no one wants to talk to me or communicate with me the way i want to be talked to or otherwise communicated with yeah my bad i guess its all my fault and im supposed to just suck it up and stop complaining and also its creepy and wrong and bad i guess for me to try to cope with any of this the way that i want to and i guess yeah i need to and should be keeping it a secret because otherwise ill make everyone else uncomfortable and thats the worst possible outcome btw no person left behind unless its me in which case utilitarianism is always right and we cant give a shit about everyone yk like someone is always going to be miserable but we should prioritize the most people so if i mention kink (ew) or my other interests (ew) im a horrible really bad person actually because im making other people (more important than me. btw) uncomfortable and upset also i should ignore the fact that i am systematically and systemically being isolated from and kept away from people who might actually show understanding and kindness towards me or be in a similar position and extend the kind of support i desperately need but its cool because you keep saying youre only doing that because im "better than them" and actually youre helping me because "those people" are bad and wrong and harmful and they might make me (simultaneously innocent and guilty) do bad things like drugs that might offer a chance to alleviate some of my pain or transition to a bodymind i& want or be angry or just generally be a "bad person" and not be able to participate in the joys of continuing the chain of oppression and harm. but its fine because its for my benefit actually because you frame it as ""those people" have it so hard and theyre so unlucky (because theyre treated like shit by everyone which is true because people's actions are definitely a matter of "luck") and i just want to spare you from that" how kind of you wow youre so sweet and nice to me right now because i havent violated any of your rules yet what a great person you are because you let me be myself to a certain extent (a tiny little eensy-weensy extent but thats fine because its more than i deserve anyway) and since im being invited to participate in the continuation of oppression and pain it would be pretty rude for me to say no and if i did say no it would definitely justify treating me badly and doing all of the things you do to "those people" to me because im technically actually even worse than "those people" because i could have been normal i could have just accepted your rules (that were literally killing me to follow) (not that you noticed)

and also on the other hand the people arguing against you get to use me as their fun little trick-up-their-sleeve because obviously its ridiculous to treat someone like me the way that you have and will and i can be used as a perfect little pawn

[the ceter who wrote this switched out around here, but before they did, it asked that the others of us post this vent anyway if they were unable to finish or post it]

[thehopelessexception]

save me lord(e) please save me

i struggle with the concept of religion because i've never quite understood the belief on an omnipresent something watching over you and giving you a path or whatever that's supposed to mean.

i went to church probably 15 times in my life when i was younger and i was bored all the time. i took the first communion when i was 10 because my parents made me do it. (i just wanted to taste wine and receive money from my family tho) but i remember that by that time i already rejected the concept of it. maybe because i was deppressed from the very age of 8 years old and i wanted to kms since then (im over it rn fyi), so the whole god thing it wasnt much enough to make me have faith in anything because i already thought i suffered more than jesus.

i've never been much close to my family, im a single child too. not to blame them really, but my parents did the bare minimum so i had to create my own moral codes from way too young. i teached myself, and educated myself on everything i know of since i was a kid. i took the responsibility of being the emotional support of adults as a child because they didnt know how to be parents nor communicate their feelings with each other (or me, for that matter). i hided my own. and when i was on my breaking point i took care of myself at 13/14 i think? and made myself go to therapy because i knew if i didn't i wouldnt be here today —i had to convince my mom, changing the reason i needed to go and i made her lie to my dad because he "doesnt believe in that" and so on—. my parents were clueless all the time 'till i grew up and told them my story on a crisis i had in the pandemic. they are still not the best parents you can find but i moved on from being resentful and made somehow peace.

i remember i was quite interested in the whole lucifer arc and the apocalypse stuff. when my catechist was explaining the 7(i think?) days of creation or etc i was reading the very end, fascinated as a kid reading the hunger games. probably my father's fault since he loved to watch the conspiracy shows in history channel about nostradamus and so on in the living room's tv. and also maybe because i loved chaos and i never fitted in anywhere so naturally i didnt even try.

i hyperfixated on greek gods if that helps.

at 13 i met the 1975, my favourite band (if it wasnt obvious at this point). and the first songs i listened to were girls, me, and antichrist. and i know it's very likely that you think im exaggerating but antichrist is doubtless the purest most real song i heard in my life. and i think about it a lot. the whole journey the band, and matty especially, made about religion made me think a lot through the years. i agree with him tho, but i made that entire journey when i was 9, as they said men do drugs once and discover the same things girls have discovered alone in their bedrooms at 13 years old. and today religion is a thing so foreign, and distant to me; sometimes i wonder if im missing something by not being part of that feeling.

i can't wrap my head around it, i cannot process faith because i don't find it logical. however when im lost i sometimes find myself asking for signs to "the universe", so it's complicated. i also think it's better for people that feel lost to find a communion of some kind than ending up being addicts or worse, liberals. and i also think some religions are waiting for people to have misery to sign them up on their cult.

what is religion really? what is god? is there one? or two? or millions? but what about science? the big bang? evolution? capitalism? media? how can all of that make some kind of sense altogether? i said already i am skeptical over probably everything, but the truth is that science is also a common agreement of stuff and "hard" evidence, but we don't have the certainty that things work like that in the whole universe, so technically it's not an absolute truth, it's just what works. but what is the whole universe? i trust science over anything ofc that's not what im trying to say, the thing is i lose my mind every now and then when i dig that up. because you end up thinking you are so tiny and irrelevant to the whole universe, the whole thing we live into. are we even alive at this point? is this reality real? and i know it's stupid deep thought thinking you have when you are a kid but i wrote something about this years ago in my diary and im going to quote it:

(i wrote it in my native language so the translation may suck a bit)

"(...) the human being is perfect, nature is perfect. the society is a mess but synchronously is perfectly designed to still work. what's the goal of humanity? some people believe in god, not me tho. i sometimes think people are simplistic and conformist with the unknown. weak deniers of the search of the truth. the systematization almost automatic that is used on people as individuals of each culture, each society; with the vague idea of making them believe on free will, and the freedom of choice. when there's something existing over us that influences us, dominates us, and drives us like cattle. but what is this really? (...) the different "types of control" influence all of us so we achieve an end to society. nobody question said unknown end, because they believe, they have faith; on themselves and their meritocracy, the destiny god prepared for them. to the reach of a post-civilization with all the answers, from the firm and fair science that at the same time is clinging to nothing, to the not knowing blindness. the problem with humanity is believing but not fighting for the answers. the problem with humanity is trusting in "what exists and what doesnt exist" as a concept; when you can find somehow the solution on untrusting and not believing on absolute truths, because all of those are influenced by human subjectivity. civilizations are built with absolute truths, "civilization or barbarism". the barbarism never was that much stupidified. do we live in a simulated civilization? i dont know, all i know is that i know nothing."

lately i've been thinking about religion as a support group for people, but the institution makes me yikes. i've been thinking a lot about lots of things.

and i find myself in the context where everything i know of is taking another meaning now. maybe religion is what conveys the society altogether, maybe it's something else. i don't know. the world was always at war because of religion, and the preponderance of one over another. noone can convince me that religion has nothing to do with the world war we're living rn.

i consider music as a support group, i have my own friends and we like the same things (i dont like people who i dont think somehow alike). and i like my music as a representation of my personality too. i believe one is what one consumes. i grew up here, on tumblr, and i know what i write now will probably resonate with you too.

what i know most of is possibly reading patterns on people. and what i am wondering right now is if we, as a whole, and our generation specifically, walked away too much from the "love your neighbor" premise. i may not believe in religion, but i believe in collectivism as a way to live, as a gear that sets society in motion. and me, personally, i am a hater of everything and everyone. but i can deal with it, i dont think society will. we can't make the bad people disappear, and we can't kill them all (sadly). so lately i tend to believe i have the knowledge and the wisdom to be the adult and choose to make peace with the evil, to stop fighting for making people change, and go build community, the safe space, the home, with the people who are predisposed to listen. because individualism will kill us all. and we cannot save ourselves alone.

lorde said explicitly "if you're looking for a saviour well thats not me". but here we are.

happy easter to those who celebrate.

[l0viez]

May I request a reader who feels like they're falling behind in life? I feel this profound sadness when I realize others are further along where I want to be.

I'd like Kaeya for this one (And Zhongli if you have time).

Really sorry that im late for this! i had a busy scheduleT.T!, also sorry in advance if some of my writings is abit.. confusing? or not rlly that understandable! im still a newbie at these! This was in a rush so if i have some extra time ill rewrite and make it more better^^

This can be seen as romantic or platonic!💟

🗡️Kaeya! ;

Kaeya's first and honest reaction was .. kind of mixed

He felt abit little bitsy upset for the person you always look at and compare yourself too

He felt alot of concerned and sadness , concerned because of the fact you would stop talking or just go to your own world whenever you see them

He was very saddened over the fact you look and felt miserable just because of it

the first time he knew about your situation and what you were feeling these days

He felt guilty and mad at himself because he didn't get to manage to see it more earlier

Kaeya WILL visit you daily with flowers!

Theres are no ifs or buts

you will see him at the front door waiting for you

it will become a daily thing until you finally feel better again

(unless you want him to visit u everyday🤭! just request him xox)

Kaeya will be inviting you to tavern to make you feel calm down and to distract you from you feeling upset

knowing kaeya he will still tease you but he will lower it down too make sure it doesnt say anything to tigger you

he isnt a afraid to make himself look like a fool just to distract you and make you laugh

he will even skip some of works to hang out with you to distract you from all those stress or

a little headcannon : since he got em 💵💵💸 whatever your hobbies are he will buy you the items needed for your hobbies!

Cooking? you have a whole kitchen for yourself to make foods and make your own recipes!

Singing? He will rent out a whole year room just for you to sing, it has a mic and everything

Drawing? .. yeah he would probably ask albedo for some tips on what to buy good materials LMAO

Kaeya is the type of person who would distract, make you forget about your worries, spoils you rotten, be more 10x clingy, make you laugh during your bad times❤️

Kaeya is super supportive of you and respects your decisions but sometimes he worries to much for you thats why he's always looking out for you!

He will even take you to some sceneries or areas that you havent went before and explore abit !

he just wants to express his love to you and to tell you everyday that your more than good enough and that what ever you have or got is something to cherish for and that one day you will be like someone you idolize!

he will wait for you to succeed to the things you want to be in life, he will be there at your comfort <33

he's honestly so proud of you like he would be like "yess💅🏻thats my boyyy/girll!" (hes a silly lil goofy man dont mind him) if you ever surpassed or succeed on the things you want to be or you want to succeed in

(he would even throw a celebration on it too😭‼️)

He's that hype man you didn't ask for but still (thankfully) got/jk

(he gives me that "its us againist life"/jk im unfunny like cyno im sorry)

" Oh (n/n), took you long enough, almost thought Id have to spend this night by myself.. drinking (your favorite drink) by my self... Ow! that was a hard one — hey hey! I was just kidding you didn't have to hit me that hard haha.. here come sit with me! .. what's that? you still have work to do? heh. Your staying here with ME tonight. Relaxing! The night is young, how about you relax abit? Don't worry I'll help you with your problem tomorrow! Would it really kill you if you don't work for one day? "

His first reaction was most likey confused..

Dont blame the poor old man he is still learning

Ofc he would be also half upset bout it too

Cause like.. what his DEAR IS UPSET? HE is UPSET as well😤‼️

Zhongli would be so confused because like he will catch you looking down or feeling down

he would ask you if you were alright and you would tell him you were okay

but more days went by he FINALLY gets the clue

He brought you both to a fancy expensive looking restaurant (ofc childe payed for it)

When both of you got comfortable now

He legit straightward asked on what was goin on with you for the past few days

he would give you the most OBVIOUS things and asks you the most OBVIOUS things as well (his trying his best😭💔)

(but then again, I feel like he will get it already but he will act like he wouldn't just cause "communication is the key" and he didn't want to be rude and assume on what was going on so he has to make sure of it"!)

When you confessed on what was going on and how you felt down because of it

he will also visit you everyday like kaeya's! but no flowers.. well probably a pretty rock but who knows

he will use his wallet/childe to get you both in some fancy resturants whenever you both have spare times!

Zhongli would be like your spotify premium but instead of music he is like a radio.

He will tell you stories non stop to "distract" you from feeling upset

good thing his voice is calming

so while your doing your thing he would be talking in the background

Zhongli will probably even give you his specialty dish just for u<3

zhongli will be the type of person who likes to think that making things from your heart or homemade is more special that buying

(he just dont wanna admit he has no cash to buy you gifts/jk)

just like kaeya he would maybe take a day off to spend time with you

Instead of buying you newest items you wished you had, he will give you some items they used before when he was still a archon younger!

Unlike kaeya who likes to distract you and make your worries clear off ur mind, Zhongli will instead give you some "wise" advices on what you want to get good at and be more more supportive of your decisions!<3

He understands that there's a huge difference between a human and an archon but that won't stop him from giving all his best to help you get what you think its missing from you‼️

He's that "proud father" or "proud old grandpa"

He's more layback and chill than kaeya, like he will also tell you to relax and to not overwork yourself as well

If you manage to overcome or succeed or surpassed the people that you used to look at with sadness

Zhongli will most likey to celebrate that and even invite some people from liyue!

He will even take you on a peacefully calming date while you tell him about what happened

Zhongli is willing to listen to you 24/7

he will probably request you to do your hobbies or the things you love infront of him

and he will even act dense about it (sly mf)

" Greetings (Y/n) , I have some plans for us to visit somewhere special. Ah ah. *holds your hand* don't even think about going back and overworking youself now. You don't have to rush yourself always you know? Im worried about you, you might even get a fever from thinking too much.If you ever need someone to comfort you I'll be there at your call now.. I ordered us some relaxing tea at Yanshang Teahouse, let us go and grab it shall we?

This is just a little bonus message, if you ever feel sad about people who are futher along where you want to be in. Remeber to not pressure yourself to becoming a "improved" you. to not overwork youself for it. Don't be hard on your self because sooner or later you will be on the top or be the version you wanted to be. Dont rush and try to have fun along the way and to stay safe always<3.!

[lulushults]

wrote something like this about natsu, now for my best girl lucy💖

i could honestly write on and on about lucy and how i think her past really was and how it truly affected her, so i’ll try to keep this short!

lucy’s childhood starting normal for her, she had 2 loving parents that did everything to ensure her happiness. then her mum died, and her life kinda went to shit.

lucy didn’t just lose one parent the day layla died, she lost both. jude started being neglectful and from the handful of short scenes we see in the anime slightly mentally abusive towards lucy.

i believe this was because of multiple reasons. number 1 because of lucy’s similar resemblance to layla. from what we’re shown it seems like layla and jude were incredibly in love even before they had lucy, to me it seems like after layla died he couldnt bare to look, or be around lucy due to how similar they looked. it caused him too much pain to be constantly reminded that layla was gone and she was never coming back.

number 2 pretty much links into the previous one, i think because of how much pain laylas death caused him he isolated himself to throw himself into his work to avoid facing the reality that was layla’s death.

however, for lucy to be 10 years old after just losing her mother, and then for her father to start acting like he doesnt give a shit about her, that must have been so confusing for her. to have your life completely flipped on its head within a couple of days probably led lucy to be so confused as to why jude wanted nothing to do with her anymore.

lucy was pretty much isolated from the outside world entirely, she had no friends her age, wasn’t allowed to attend school and therefore had to spend all day every day entertaining herself because she had no one to play with. not only this but she also had no one to talk to about how she was feeling at such a young age, she had no one to confide in and ask why her dad didn’t love her anymore, no shoulders to cry on, nothing.

this may be a personal headcannon of mine, but i believe lucys mental health as a young child was incredibly bad. to spend 6 long years almost entirely alone with no friends can for sure have long lasting effects. the reason why lucy was probably so sure about running away and living on her own was probably because she had already been raising herself for so many years beforehand, so whats the difference if she actually left.

lucy could have also blamed herself for judes behaviour, thinking that she had done something wrong to make him so mad at her all the time.

lucy, also, so obviously has intense abandonment issues. the way i see it, she’s been alone for so long that now she finally has friends and a family that care about her again, she never wants to let them ago. that would also explain why she was so heartbroken about natsu leaving her for a year, and if i remember correctly im pretty sure in the dub she literally says ‘i will be lonely’ when shes running after him.

i think her abandonment issues are more closesly related to natsu and happy than the entire guild however. natsu and happy were her first real friends her age, natsu helped her too reach her dream after knowing her for about a day without a second thought, she owes everything to him. i think the idea of her first real friend leaving her to be alone again absolutely breaks her heart.

my poor girl probably has so much going on in her head that she doesn’t want to remember. i can’t begin to imagine how horrible it must be for a 10 year old girl to be completely abandoned by her father after losing her mother. i really see myself in lucy, ive spent alot of my life with no friends so its easy for me to identify how horrific it makes you feel.

lucy may even struggle with her mental health outside of her past, for her to join the strongest team in fairy tail after every other member had been training since they were kids. for her to be surrounded by people who can so easily defend themselves in a fight when she could hardly hold her own and depended so much on her spirits thats sure to cause other issues. to feel like your the weak one in the group holding everyone back can cause so much guilt without even realising. (before anyone thinks it, im a lucy stan and im proud of her growth as a mage, im only talking about how she was when she first joined the guild)

lucy also, atleast around the beginning of the show, hated being connected to the heartfilia family. she point blank refused to let anyone outside of the guild know who she really was. theres a large possibility that if people were to find out her full name, some people around the world would resent lucy for joining a guild, thinking that shes selfish for taking jobs to earn even more money. lets not forget the time the guild belitted her behind her back for pretty much this exact thing, calling her a brat.

the way i see it, one of the reasons lucy was so infatuated with fairy tail growing up was probably because of their obvious connection with one another. she craved for a home, for people to love and care for her just like how her mother did before she passed. she craved love from other people after being shunned from her own father for so long.

before i shut my mouth, i’ll touch on something that i think pretty much every lucy fan is aware of and thats the reason behind why she dresses the way she does. her entire life lucy was forced into stuffy dresses she very clearly did not enjoy wearing and was told she wasn’t allowed to show any skin as its not ‘lady like’. lucy dresses she way she does to show her recent independence and escape from such a strictly ruled environment. to go from showing no skin at all, to wearing shorts skirts and little crop tops, shows that it’s her way of trying to re-discover herself after being bossed anound and told what to do and wear for so long.

[exmeowstic]

hii bastion !! can i pls ask to learn more abt ur ship with graha ? :o is ur insert the wol, or some other role in ffxiv, what were ur first impressions of each other and how/when did they shift into smth more? (u dont have to answer all of these, im just shooting questions out !) id love to learn more!! (@dmclr)

HIHII I HOPE YOUVE BEEN WELL <33 ive been dead from work but i finally managed to type out words from my brain. readmore bc its more than i expected and im embawassed a bit 👉👈 (also obligatory warning for spoilers thru endwalker)

SO. MY WOL AND GRAHA. truthfully,, there is still a lot of thinking to be done in terms of my s/i bastion and how things play out for him/how he fits into the story/how he acts and thinks and feels about things! esp as i approach the end of endwalker, it seems like dawntrail mighttt give me a bit more breathing room to actually think abt stuff

i do have him as the wol, i just feel like theres a lot i kinda missed out on/would like to review bc i Tunnel Vision Focused on msq to the exclusion of almost all else lol (and it doesnt help that my progression thru msq had been Very on and off until now bc i would put the game down for months due to social anxiety. frankly anytjing before like. mid stormblood is a biiiit of a blur)

though its extremely funny because i think during the crystal tower questline first meeting graha he did not make. a Particularly Big Impression on me. i was just like "oh cool another friend!" and then moved on once that was wrapped up and he kind of stayed in that default area of "nice new friend" that 99% of people fall into for bastion for a while..

AND THEN SHADOWBRINGERS HAPPENED. (admittedly i did go in pre-spoiled on the exarchs identity long before i even properly got into the game period, but just Knowing the thing and playing through it all myself are two Completely Different Feelings imo and everything about the reveal and the expansion just wrecked me it was so goodddd!!!) this is where i became crazy in the head about graha and started truly thinking abt him and bastions relationship specifically...

mm like i said i am still very much thinking about/putting pieces in place regarding bastions feelings and relationships with various characters and things, but as of endwalker things are in a weird spot with him and graha :3 specifially in the way of like... bastion is having a hard enough time just trying to come to terms with the fact that he has any sort of feelings for graha (or anyone, really) in the first place.

with the amount of things that happen to/around/because of him, he kind of blames anything happening to anyone around him on the fact That he is around, and is. overly worried with the idea that the people he cares about may get hurt because they get caught up in the mess that is His Entire Life. as much as he wants to spend more time with graha and just go on adventures with him and Not Worry, it all sits very heavily in the back of his mind.

that being said, while theyre definitely still dancing around the finer points of their feelings through endwalker, bastion and graha are undeniably close. there is no way bastion could see that an old friend waited and hoped and worked for an entire century for the sake of him and his future and Not try to match that dedication. bastion wouldnt say hes in love if you asked him, but he would say hes determined to do everything in his power to fulfill his promise to graha, to stay by his side through adventure after adventure and see the world as soon as theyre able.

on grahas side it probably seems like hes had. a Lot more time to think about things, but in truth i think hes still very much putting together the pieces. between all but abandoning who he was for a hundred years to take on the role of exarch, and then getting his soul and everything merged into his old body in the source and having to process all that, especially when he was so sure he was gonna sacrifice himself during shb and wasnt really planning on surviving up until now its. it makes me ill to think abt everything hes been through. so for sure he is also still working through his feelings. even if theyre both in a weird uncertain position about it as of right now, they both know for certain that they would like to stay by each others side.. we will have to see where dawntrail takes them ^_^

tldr lotta stuff is happening right now for the both of them so my wol and graha are not 100% a thing yet. though i can certainly think about them kising catboy yaoi style <3

bonus Image Of Them if you read this far i thank you for your time <333

[bisluthq]

https://www.tumblr.com/bisluthq/760849091467067392/yeah-i-agree-but-taylor-doesnt-seem-to-like-to?source=share

The whole "Taylor doesn't relax" thing reminds me of how sad the Speak Now era quotes from the Lover Journals make me:

Oct 8, 2010

"Music has helped me a lot lately. It helps me quiet my very loud fears. I love mornings like that, smiling and talking to strangers, waving to fans, and they burst into tears and screams.. All before noon... I get stage fright every time I walk onto a stage now. I wish it wasn't so, but I can't blame my mind for freaking out about performances. Criticism of my performances has been the biggest source of pain in my life. I sometimes feel like my college degree is in acting like i'm ok when i'm not."

Jun 17, 2011

"Something so unexpected and amazing has happened recently.. I've become blissfully happy with my life. Like, actually grateful for every second of the day... I really do need to create in order to live and feel worthwhile... This ridiculous thing happens to me when i'm this happy. I start feeling like karma will balance it all out by making something tragic happen. But i'm trying to just show gratitude as much as I can. Everyday, every minute, I'm grateful for being happy right this moment. I think I'm a summer person. I'm also a work person. Tour gives me something to pour myself into and a reason to feel ok about sleeping in till noon on my days off."

Sep 8, 2011

"I can't even tell you how alive and worthwhile i feel when I'm writing a new song and I finish it and people like it. It's the most fulfilling feeling, like getting an A+ on your report card."

Oct 30, 2011

"I've had a chest infection for the last few days, so singing has been so hard... I almost cancelled tonight's show, but I made it through... We only have 9 shows left on this tour and I'm ready for a break... I'm just so glad to have a few days off. (ok... 2)"

Mar 2, 2012

"I've been thinking a lot about getting older and relevancy and how all my heroes have ended up alone... I wrote a song and it's called 'Nothin New' and it's about being scared of aging and things changing and losing what you have. It says "I'm getting older and less sure of what you like about me anyways". And in the chorus it says "how can a person know everything at 18, and nothing at 22? And will you still want me... when I'm nothing new" It's a really vulnerable song, but I think it's important to say."

--

Idk. There's just something about a lot of observably unhealthy patterns seemingly developing around this time. Also the comments surrounding "needing to create to feel worthwhile" make me sad, since she's said later that for 6 months before writing Red (so late 2010/Early 2011) she couldn't write anything due to a "particular toxic relationship" *cough* Jake Gyllenhaal *cough*. Anyway. She’s clearly been "doing it with a broken heart" for a long ass fucking time.

yup. And that’s why I say like if this one doesn’t work out (I hope it does) I’d like her to ACTUALLY take time off and be single for a while and deal with her own shit.

okay so story time right because I keep saying this applies to me, and it does, but I do feel like I need to break the pattern and my current bf and I are doing unchartered territory for me like going to couples therapy and whatnot. My friend (the technophobe biokineticist who dated my bf’s close friend) was round the other day and having a whole ass meltdown right because she drank too much (which was on her because it was inappropriate because I had ONE light beer while she was here and my bf didn’t have anything because he thought we might have to drive her home and her car was here so we both needed to be like present yk) and she was going on and on about how she wants to be single until December (which we think is a very solid choice for her) and ergo she was upset her brother told her his friends find her hot (here’s where we lost her train of thought) because her brother and his friends are in their 30s and she’s in her 40s (like my bf also so it was hitting a nerve for us both) and she was going on and on about this and we were like “so would you rather 30 somethings don’t find you hot???” And she was like “no but I want to stay single until December!!!” and we were like “okay so do that lmao a dude finding you hot while you’re out isn’t asking to marry you?” and she was like “yes but I hate that all I’m good for is sex” and we were like “wait so do you want to fuck the 30something or nah because you don’t have to but also he’s a big boy and yes he probably doesn’t look at a 40something and plan marriage and kids right if he’s not stupid but also age gap relationships happen at our age and don’t feel that dramatic so which do you want???” And she was just like “you guys can’t understand” supposedly because he’s a man and I’m in my 30s and maybe that’s true. But all I keep thinking is my bestie evidently pencilled in FUCK DAY on December 5th lol 😂😂😂😂 and that to me is not being single or figuring yourself out at alllll lol.

[confessions-official]

i feel bad for wanting a different life then i do now because my appartment is stable

i do have a bed to sleep on but i cant help but feel like i never truely had my own space because i never had my own bedroom and i always slept with someone else either next to me or anything, my sister has to take calls and lectures and i have to stay quiet, i want my own desk so badly because only laying on a bed has made me drastically lazy and such, i cant even cry in peace and i have to stop stimming when my sisters friends are over when i dont want to see them

i have a full fridge but its packed TOO much, we have abunch of meat in there that gets forgotten quickly, alot of food that only my parents eat, hell the kitchen itself it so horrid by other families standards, the moment you walk in you already see a overfilled bag of trash and counters that have not been cleaned in months, me and my sister had emptied and cleaned the fridge this easter break and the moment mom and dad got home it got cluttered again, the table we use to just place food is also a mess and we leave fruits and vaggies on it causing them to spoil more quickly

my mom keeps alot of soaps, papers, bags - she doesnt even go shoping, she doesnt want us to use the special soaps she gives away (which is a full closet to clarify) and got mad at my sister when she cleaned the bathroom and used one of those, there isnt enough space to walk, and we use only 6 bags at maximum

i dont know HOW to clean, at most we vacume but thats it, with all the stuff we have laying around its hard and i dont know which spray bottle to use for which products, i dont even know how to use a washing machine or how to mop a floor, theyre both very lazy (and i dont blame them both, theyre really tired all the time and my mom sleeps most of the day) and my mom would freak out if we shower more then 2 people a day because of this really musty dirty plastic bathtub we have that she collects water with so i shower once a week, i know how gross it is i feel bad but its not as bad as my grandmas house which is very moldy and its atleast bareable to invite people in

i never got to dress myself in the morning, my parents always wake me up and brush my hair (my mom always tells me my hair is oily or not brushed well even though everyone else tells me i do a great job) and they just argue about mundane stuff and i just want peace and quiet at 6 am - they always nag me about homework and studying and due to complicated neurodivergent stuff in my head i freeze and i cant seem to find anything i want to do untill its really late and im tried by that time i wish i could just do everything at the same time but i cant, and i cant talk about it to them, but aside from being boring to listen to they care about me unlike alotof other parents who probably wouldnt have bothered despite me not needing alot of support

i wish i had a small house and not an apartment, my stimming usually involves running around and with a small apartment 1) there will be always someone in a room and i dont like anyone else seeing me 2) the neighbors below, by some luck who havent sued us yet, probably dont apprechiate it, btu i have a place to live in

i already have a stable apartment and i shouldnt be complaining at all, i dont know why but i sometimes wonder how it would be like to live in the average family american TV seems to show

maybe my life will turn around once i have my own apartment / house, hopefully by then i will have learnt a thing about cleaning or two

 

[e17omm]

(I only know the story up to right before the fight with the Sage)

So far this arc is starting to feel arbitrary, and have Misteln cause the imprisonment of Seele (theory) while everyone, including the writers, except for Kira, portrays Misteln as a good guy.

I know this is just the start of chapter 38, but right now the optics of the story of it isnt all that good in my eyes. Dialogue scenes? Great. Animations in 3D scenes? Massive improvement. All that is great.

But the writing?

The further I go I keep asking myself why we are even there.

Why are we there? Misteln sent us there.

Why did Misteln send us there? She wants her Sage stigmata or whatever back.

Why are there problems in the bubble worlds? Because Misteln made Seele a second sage. (Not by herself, but she manipulated actions to qualify Seele for being a second sage)

Why are we fighting the Sage? Because Misteln made Seele a second sage.

Why did Misteln make Seele a second sage? Because she wants her sage stigmata back.

This wouldnt be that much of a problem, if it werent for everyone (except Kira) not viewing Misteln as the bad guy here.

Did I miss something? As far as I can remember the bubble world seemed rather stable beforehand, and the Sage is incredibly dedicated to being the Sage. So the issue of Forms/Stigmatas/whatever turning into monsters seems rather minimal in this case.

Like, we are helping them out and solving problems, that was caused due to Misteln arriving and wanting her stigmata piece back.

Again, am I missing something here so far?

Okay lets leave the writing behind and see what (again, mostly theories based on what has been said) can come from this arc.

The biggest thing Im seeing is Veliona being left alone in a more permanent way. This comes mostly from the fact that they could apparently seperate in the Sea of Quanta all this time, and how much "the tower locks the Sage in the tower" got repeated after Seele became the second sage.

But if that is the result, we got a fanservice Herrscher Seele battlesuit since Seele will be locked up in the tower and Veliona goes free. (Most of my issues would be calling it a "Herrscher" battlesuit. Why not "Sage of Rebirth Seele" or something? Mostly because Herrschers has normally had a bigger impact on the story than immediately being locked up.)

If that doesnt happen, and Seele and Veliona keep independent bodies, Misteln gets her Sage piece, and everyone goes home... Couldn't they just have blamed it on Sea of Quanta effects and tossed Seele and Veliona out of the Sea while they were still seperated, and give them independent bodies because "the Sea of Quanta doesnt obey our universe's laws"?

We could also have Seele and Veliona fully reunite, aaand for this one lets say they both get stuck in the tower. Okay, this one would be better. It'd get Seele out of the story (at least for now), but the main issue would remain if Misteln doesnt get portrayed as a bad guy for causing that.

And if they dont both get stuck but goes free... Then it all feels like an overly convuluted plan for Misteln because she wanted to get her Sage piece back in a different way than just brute force from the start. Would the worlds being Sageless even cause them both to collapse? Or would the Tower just choose another Sage? Did the worlds even have a Sage before the current Sage or what?

Back to Misteln.

Even if Seele WANTS to become a Sage and end up locked up to ensure the stability of the worlds, wouldnt that still make Misteln a selfish bad guy in this arc? The tower locks up the Sage in it. Its not just "the tower lets the Sage have the best power to govern both worlds" no, it actually forces the Sage to remain in the tower.

The current Sage seems VERY stable compared to the other stigma piece we saw right before Misteln and Prometheus came to the current bubble world. So in the end, everything would be cause by Misteln being a selfish piece of shit wanting her stigma piece back, yet the story does not want to portray that??

Its one thing have Misteln not see herself as a bad guy, but when the good guys AND THE WRITERS does not want to portray her that way either, what the hell??

The most we have is Kira, who seems to have most of her annoyances and distrust of Misteln centered around being tossed back deep into the Sea of Quanta. That, and not everyone immediately 100% trusting everything Misteln says, which is just common sense.

Misteln still led Seele down the path to become a second Sage which ended up causing a lot of instability and chaos in the bubble worlds.

>Ranting over.

Again, I am only up to right before the fight with the Sage. Possible that I missed something before or if this all will get cleared up in the future.

[zenosanalytic]

Owner of a Lonely Heart

Just read This Excellent Analysis of Dirk and I wanted to write some things, but not as a reblog cuz that post was already long enough and also just in case my take might set off any comments drama.

Im on record not being a big Dirk fan myself, but I love this approach. It is measured, nuanced, and interesting, and it lets Dirk be as complicated a character as he is in the comic. I’d add though that I think ego and insecurity are as much a part of it as a desire for control, but not in a “blame” way rather in a really tragic way so bear with me.

Like: Yes Dirk has control issues but wrapped up in those is that Dirk REALLY doesn’t like being seen as “Not Enough” or “Wrong” or “2nd Best”(in a sincerely fucked up way this may also be part of why he doesn’t go harder at Roxy for constantly hitting on him when she knows he’s gay, and why Lil actively flirts with her despite this: Dirk resents it, but he also blames himself for ‘letting her down’; Lil, given his awful situation, experiences her interest as positively Affirming). His freakout when Caliborn gives him the porn-challenge is a good example of how severe his need to be “Acceptable”, or better “Superior”, is, and you see a bit of that in the Splinters too.

But there’s another-nother side to this: Dirk is AWFUL to his splinters(aside from Squarewave and Sawtooth who are wish fulfillment) because asserting their fakeness affirms his “realness”, but that ALSO allows him to externalize his self-hatred. Dirk’s last convo with Lil is really the key here: he literally says he wants to kill Lil because he really wants to kill HIMSELF. All that anger, embarrassment, rejection, and denial he directs at them is really stuff he thinks about HIMSELF, but confronting that directly is painful so he instead confronts his splinters with it, which doesnt really help of course cuz he thinks they’re him. The assertions of “fakeness” thus become both justifications for his cruelty, and affirmations of the negative qualities he sees in himself(and so of his judgement as well). It’s the same sort of thing Karkat’s doing, insulting himself on Trollian.

Dirk is seriously depressed. Until the game he’s only ever had himself for physical company and, combined with the intense anxiety and sadness isolation naturally produces, he’s stewed on and amplified in his own mind his worst traits for years. “In his own mind” being pivotal here cuz literally no one else sees him as badly as he sees himself; none of his friends see these glaring flaws he can’t see past which, because he’s depressed, he interprets NOT as disproving those flaws, but as PROOF of how big a fraud he is(and thus, another source of anxiety over his own realness). Dirk is trapped in a cage of himself, and it constantly fucks up his life, and everything he does to fight his way out of it only makes that cage stronger. That’s why I LOVED his last moment with Lil because it was an example, finally, of him showing one of his splinters(and thus himself) some compassion. It was a way out for him, if only he’d build on it.