#it adds crunch and spice

[thatweirddolldude]

Apparently hot fries aren't a normal thing everywhere in the US????

[pxrxmoore]

＼(〇O〇)／

[daz4i]

?

if you have some old (cooked) rice that's still good but just incredibly dry/hard/not fresh, moisten a thick paper towel with a little bit of water and put it over the rice while you heat it up in the microwave. it'll be as good as new 🫡

alternatively if you wanna make it fun, pour a tiny bit of olive oil in a pan, drop the rice there and mix in some of your favorite spices (and maybe veggies and meat tho i haven't tried doing it with those so do it at your own risk). make a little hole in the middle and pour in a little bit of boiling water, then mix it a little bit. put a lid over to freshen and soften it up. remove the lid and repeat the water process but this time leave the lid off and let it cook on medium-high heat for a few minutes to get the bottom of the pan crunchy but not burnt

[send me a ? and i'll tell you something random]

[pocket-size-cthulhu]

I'm not sure why crispy chickpeas aren't everywhere as like a top ADHD snack because they are:

Delicious (so you will actually seek them out/want to eat them)

Crispy (a good stim for texture people)

Easy to make (super hands off, they just roast for like 30 minutes while you do something else)

Healthy (it's literally just beans! Such protein!)

Versatile (you can switch up the seasonings if you get tired of one flavor; you can also put them on/in a bunch of different dishes)

Cheap AF & forgiving of your timeline (a can of chickpeas won't go bad in your pantry if you don't have the energy to make something with them this week)

So here's the resippy.

Cooked chickpeas (I usually use one can)

Olive oil

Salt

Paprika or curry powder or rosemary or your favorite spice (optional)

Steps:

Drain and rinse your chickpeas.

Dump them onto a towel or paper towel and rub them dry a bit.

Remove any loose skins. If you're feeling extra you can remove all the skins; this makes them slightly crispier. I do not find this to be worth it.

Put them on a baking sheet (lined with parchment paper if you want to save yourself some cleanup). Toss with a drizzle of olive oil, a generous pinch or two of salt, and your seasoning.

Roast in your oven. I usually do 400°F for about 25-30 minutes, but this is pretty forgiving and you can do 425 for 20 minutes or whatever you want to do

Taste a chickpea. It should have an audible crunch. If it doesn't, put it back in until it does

When done, taste for seasoning and add any additional salt or seasoning you want. Proceed to devour them.

These are best fresh, but I still like them later on (if I don't eat them all right away). Store in an airtight container for a couple days at room temp or a few days in the fridge.

Enjoy!!

[tony-andonuts]

Okay yall, please put kimchi and spring onions in your grilled cheese, I swear it goes fucking hard

[thatdeadaquarius]

Hello there, friend I'm here for fluff

OK, this has been on my mind for a while

But like

The reader is just becoming the biggest parent to the Benny's adventure team kids

And the wolfs

We are like a parent of like 27

Knitting and making food brushing razors hair(let's be for real, you would hear a crunch when you brush it)

I'm not gonna lie

Do these kids know what spices are?

Cuz when I think about it

Razor hasn't had shit so he's has the least tolerance for spice

He would probably cry if you feed him a pepper

Bennett has tried spicy food but does go well with it

And not completely sure if fischl has had a spicy food before

But what flavor does mondstadt add to their food??

These kids need the damn flavors

AHDHAKALL FERAL ANIMAL AQUARIUS- ANOTHER PLATONIC ASK AAHHHHGGGGDJJSFHSAK!!!!!

AND ITS YOU!! ITS- ITS- ONE OF THE WRITING RULERS OF SAGAU (FOR ME AT LEAST) <3 !!!!!!!!

You cooking in genshin all anime studio ghibli style looking like food from god (literally): ⬆️

Sun: Reader (you/they/them)

Orbit: Headcanons-ish

Stars: Benny’s Adventure Team! (Bennett, Fischl, Razor), Diluc, mentions of other Mond characters

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: mild cussing, & Trigger Warnings: none known.

Please comment if I missed any. /gen

☆

^^ The posts being referenced in ask, (OG Razor ask) (Benny + Razor) and a more direct sequel, a part 2? a part 4 atp?? of this post (Imposter/Not Dark AU + Razor + Diluc) ^^

OMFG

ALRIGHT LISTEN UP BITCHES

SINCE UR IN TEYVAT

YOU GONNA COOK LIKE TEYVAT

AS IN-

SHIT BE SUPER EASY TO COOK, AND MASS MAKE DEPENDING ON COMPLEXITY OF DISH

(So, like Zhongli's special Bamboo Shoot Soup is like getting made... once a year if you read the little desc. for that dish 💀)

AND THEYRE ALL LIKE-

ANIME GORGEOUS FOODS ✨️❤️‍🔥

OKAY SO

PROMO TIME-

U GUYS HAVE TO WATCH THE ANIME "CAMPFIRE COOKING IN ANOTHER WORLD"

Bc that's mostly where this inspo gonna come from to both be realistic cooking + best parts of video game cooking

A guy gets isekai’d and instead of hero powers he just gets the skill of "online grocery shopping" LMAO

and ofc he gets insta gifted whatever he orders and starts making dishes and adding spices and regular stuff you know. like soy sauce.

but the best part is the food in that world is like British medieval soup shit

like barely salted, no spices definitely, no sauces, its barren

so he ends up attracting all kinds of interest that want to eat his cooking ofc

And it gives buffs too!

dw i didnt spoil anything u don't learn in the first episode, but that's just to say that's exactly whats happening here

u DO have to manually collect more ingredients but its so worth it, also u can just buy in bulk or put a commission thru the adventurer guild

tbhhh now that i say that, that could be how u end up drawing in Benny’s Adventure Team even more, bc they just take all ur quests for collecting ingredients around Mond!!

(u have to actively sneak behind their back and whisper to Katheryne that you want to put in other food quests in other guilds tho, silly kids will absolutely go running around Liyue and crazy shit just to have an adventure and do smth for you + eat ur banger food lol)

omfg the first time u barbecue smth???

the wolves, Razor, and Andrius??? Go feral.

Fischl and Benny who were already on their way to u guys to hang out again start booking it thru the woods, dodging hilichurl camps (thatve since settled down and been v peaceful to the wolves + anyone in the woods of Wolvendom after u started living there)

they knowww ur cookin smth fucking amazing

(and u even have some hilichurls and mitachurl that wander close to Andrius’ edge of the woods to shyly beg for scraps,, u give them a portion)

Razor was actually lookin at u like u hung the stars just for him when u gave him a homemade barbecue sauce to put on his food

(u acc may have done that to Teyvatians according to Andrius + the stories u overheard from Springvale…)

ok but the amount of begging u get for desserts like-

No, Razor u cannot have chocolate cake/cupcakes after every meal, u need to take care of ur teeth

(u use ur collection of mora-monster-donations for comms for more ingredients and living supplies like fabric + furniture, u cant afford dental on top of that for ur boy)

Fischl dutifully declares you the “best chef in the kingdom” and writes down all ur recipes (u have them auto-stored in ur settings obv but it cant hurt to have a physical copy, and they look so happy doing it, u don't have the heart to tell them its not necessary-)

Benny insists on both giving u extra ingredients when he takes ur commissions, and giving u handmade trinkets or weapons for the meals!!

No!! He will not take “im good” for an answer!! ur sharing ur home-cave with him, taking care of his best friend Razor, and now feeding him food better than Liuli Pavilion!!! There’s no way he can just take all that and give nothing back!!!!

and theyre not the only ones getting some food tbh

when the knights begin patroling near Wolvendom and slowly all of Mondstadt to search for their “All God”, u break up the beginnings of a fight between 2 confused knights and the now peaceful hilichurl camp at the edge of Wolvendom

U offer some snacks u were going to give Benny’s Adventure Team when they got back (u made little triangle sandwiches, rice balls, etc. finger foods, and u made plenty extra bc u kno their teenage appetites lol)

the knights and hilichurls nearly cried with appreciation, which made for a hilarious sight when the teens actually showed up lmao

ur wearing ur cloak, bc u dont wanna take on that whole “creator of worlds” title just yet, and the kids helped verify u werent anyone suspicious (Benny + Fischl keep ur godly secret, theyre the best like that 🥰)

the knights just swing by for snacks occasionally (they also either pay u in trade or with mora, theyre not bullies)

another person who gets flavored food privileges is the lazy librarian witch herself

u also sometimes pick Razor up from Lisa’s tutoring and bring “the best tea and tea snacks in the world” along with to share with Lisa and him

(she is also fully aware after awhile of meeting u of what u are, and fully believes this is why the food must be enchanted to be so good, but u dont want to be treated super reverently she can tell, so she keeps ur secret too and is just extra flirty when u come by lol)

(Razor refuses to let his pare- Lupical move out of ur cozy cave to the library, so he sometimes hauls u away when Lisa flirts too much LMAO)

…and the moment you've been waiting for.

Yes, Diluc got to try ur food that night he was searching Wolvendom for signs of the god of Teyvat

tbh Diluc was half-convinced that shit was a fever dream.

a bunch of sleepy wolves, a coffee table in the stone colosseum, a giant spirit wolf licking a big plate clean, the wolf-kid glaring at him, and you.

you with gold eyes, staring right thru his soul, like you already know everything there is to know about him, (like the way Kaeya looked at him that night),

like he doesnt even have to introduce himself

and he doesnt, u just lightly smack Razor’s hands until he gets rid of his claymore w/a pout, since Diluc had long since dropped his,

and grab a plate, piling on what leftovers u could, and turn back around from the coffee table to smile at him, patting the cushion-seat beside u for him to join

The giant glowing wolf licks his lips and watches him, the wolf-kid’s creepily watches him, and you, with eyes gold in teh light of a simmering bonfire just past the table, watch him

he just sits down and begins to eat.

its the best food he’s ever had, its his dad’s favorite dish, but not realistically, but the way memory embellishes a dish so much it can never be tasted again, except its right here. in front of him. u pour some wolfhook juice for him, and offer him a napkin to wipe his mouth and eyes

Diluc visits often after that, obviously.

u give him snacks too, and when he lets the staff try some, Adeline will not stop harassing him abt gettin ur recipes/ingredeints so u get him to pay Fischl to get a copy of their recipe book :)

including blank pages for future entries, and Fischl is literally glowing with happiness, would not stop monologuing abt ur food for weeks (send help Oz wants some peace and quiet sometimes)

Oh Diluc absolutely told the Favonius knights he found you. But he’s not saying where LMAO

Jean is actually begging him, Diluc ik u hate the knights but this is an international investigation-

this is the closest Diluc has ever gotten to getting under Venti’s skin.

when he told him this at Angel’s while bartending, he just casually ofc said this, just his smug little smirk, and the anemo god cracked a glass and everything- esp when he said he tried ur cooking??

he's gotta start looking over his shoulder in the city bc not only is Venti stalking him, the entirety of Mondstadt’s citizens are glaring at him in envy everywhere he goes LMAOO

(Venti now has a bar glass or too on his tab to pay off as well)

mans is literally paying u in weapon/artifact materials/mora to make him lunch one day and Venti nearly lunges over the counter

(Diluc purposefully ate it in front of him 💀)

ur food is the ultimate, “u could make a religion out of this!” /ref

like Diluc fully gives u offerings of ingredients he can pay for shipping from other countries + along with regular materials after grinding in domains

does the rest of Mondstadt + the world find out where u are?

only if Diluc lets them tbh. LMFAO

☆

bk trashfire my beloved <3 love ur ideas and stuff, goes without even saying im so sorry i took actually forever to respond :’(

hope u have a great weekend and i did this little side story justice for you

Safe Travels BK Trashfire,

💀♒

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

♡my beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks / @devilangel657 / @esthelily / @justinsomniachild / @nanithefuck / @questionotmystopit / @chinuneko / @silvers-tongue

@kiyomi-uchiha777

[dead-boys-club]

†  the perfect evening : hawks.

❥ scenario: spending a cozy fall day with kei ❥ no triggers; not rated. ❥ i don't have any beta readers - you get what you get. ❥ requested: @suresnips ❥ i pulled the type of drink out of thin air lmao

the crisp fall air greets you as you step out, filling your lungs, the world around you painted in hues of amber, red, and gold. leaves crunch underfoot and there’s a gentle rustling in the trees as the breeze picks up, carrying the scent of pumpkin spice from nearby cafes and fallen leaves. keigo walks beside you, his hand comfortably intertwined with yours, his gaze glancing over at you with that familiar, easy smile that seems to make even the coldest days feel warm.

“look at that,” he murmurs, pointing to a nearby coffee cart on the corner of the park, nestled between a couple of trees that are almost bare now, their leaves scattered along the path like confetti. “bet they’ve got something to warm us up.. let's check it out?”

you nod eagerly, and the two of you make your way over, keigo ordering for both of you, his tone friendly and light as he exchanges a few words with the barista; you sometimes envy how easily he socializes. he hands you a steaming cup, the aroma of spiced chai filling the air as you cradle it in your hands, savoring the warmth that seeps through to your fingertips.

keigo takes a sip of his own drink, then lets out a satisfied sigh, his eyes closing for a moment as he basks in the taste. “nothing like a warm drink on a chilly day, huh?” he glances over at you, his golden eyes sparkling, and then gives you a playful nudge with his shoulder. “plus, it gives me an excuse to pull you in close when it gets too cold,” he adds, his voice soft and filled with adoration.

you chuckle, taking a sip of your chai as you both continue down the path, the leaves swirling around you like a scene out of a dream. keigo’s arm finds its way around your shoulders, pulling you just a bit closer, his fingers lightly tracing patterns along your arm as you walk.

“so… favorite thing about fall?” he asks, his tone casual but genuinely curious as he glances over at you, his gaze filled with a quiet contentment.

you think for a moment, then smile, your answer simple. “days like this,” you say softly. “the colors, the chill in the air, and… well, spending it with you.”

keigo’s expression softens and he stops, turning to face you fully, his hand finding yours as he offers it a gentle squeeze. “good answer,” he murmurs, his voice low, a playful smile tugging at his lips. he leans in, pressing a warm kiss to your forehead, his breath a soft warmth against your skin.

the two of you continue walking, wrapped up in the magic of the season, your laughter mingling with the crisp air as keigo tells you stories, his voice animated and full of charm. and as the sun dips lower, casting a golden glow over the park, you can’t help but feel that this moment, this cozy, perfect autumn day, is exactly where you’re meant to be - with him by your side, enjoying the beauty of fall, and the quiet joy of just being together.

"movie night?" you ask, looking over to him with a tip of your head, taking the short moment to admire his side profile.

he grins, nodding. "sounds like a plan."

[crabfin]

Behold my glorious spite cake

Ppl say that they bake and cook with love but. Idk this carrot cake looks like my best work yet and it was baked with anxiety and work based frustration

[wolfiesmoon]

Hiiii! (I hope this is the place to make requests aaaaa haven’t done this in a W H I L E) but can I request pocky challenge headcanons for Floyd, Vil, and Idia? :)

Hope you’re having a great week and I love your writing :D

the way i freaked out over receiving this omg i'm so happy u like my writing😭😭😭

i love pocky challenge fics and you really fed me with the characters you chose since I have like 3467346826428 vil and idia drafts i can't get into rn. also we already know how my brain is rotting over floyd the eel boy at the moment

ALSO ALSO ALSO you aren't dating yet in these!! you're still just friends (but not for long😈)

(@kairiscorner i borrowed ur idea of picking out what flavour would fit them to add a little spice, I hope u don't mind!)

☾⋆⁺₊ Floyd Leech + Pocky Colorful

he gets really excited when you pull out the box of pockies 😆i mean, sharing food with you????? that's, like, the third best thing he can do with you!

and these pockies look rlly funny too, what does "colorful" even taste like? He's kinda in a mood to find out 😌

and gets even MORE excited when you mention the challenge!!!!

I mean, kissing AND sharing food with you?! he calls that a win for sure 😤😤😤😤

you're rlly surprised at how casual he is about it considering you just challenged him to try and kiss you essentially

but okay, i guess it is kinda Floydcore to just casually agree to a pocky game with no blushing or getting flustered (i suppose this means he likes you back??? what a mystery he is...)

you laugh to yourself at the silly grin on his face as u pull out a pocky and place one end into your mouth, leaning towards him to let him take the other end

he does so and you close your eyes, feeling kinda giddy all of a sudden

but you can still feel his downturned peepers staring a hole into you, curious to see every facial movement and reaction you may have👁️👁️

he must be really excited then!! (even if you feel extremely unsettled rn)

you slowly bite down on the stick, getting nervous. you can definitely hear him crunching on it too...

you can feel his breath, your noses bump for a moment and you think "THIS IS IT THIS IS IT THIS IS IT"

but then you hear a *snap* and the pocky falls out of your mouth... what just happened?

"I bit into it a bit too hard..." You open your eyes to see Floyd pouting like a toddler who was told he can't have candy

"It's okay, we can do it again!" you take out another pocky stick, placing the end in your mouth and looking at him expectantly

must be hard having such sharp teeth sometimes💔

"Now I don't feel like it anymore." Floyd huffed, getting up and walking away💀

That little... you still love him anyway tho🤷🏻

☾⋆⁺₊ Vil Schoenheit + Apple Yogurt Pocky

initially, he'd refuse since pockies are sweets and he needs to watch his sugar if he wants to keep his model figure and his clear skin

but he supposes sugar is nice to enjoy every once in a while (especially if he gets to share it with you)

but THEN you ask him if he's ever heard of the pocky challenge before😈

"I have heard of it in passing but I don't know what is actually is, why?" he raises an eyebrow, recalling some comments from his fans talking about it after the Pocky commercial he was in

"Becauuuuse, I think you should do it with me." you blink at him innocently before going on to explain the rules and seeing his eyes widen 😌

"So, what you're saying is... If neither of us back out, we kiss?"

WAIT WHAT

You actually expected him to turn you down immediately and chew you out for even making the suggestion since you're just friends but this certainly took a turn for the better

"Precisely." you smirked

"Just so you know, I'm not one to back out once I set my mind onto something." he smirked back at you, taking out a pocky stick from the box and placing it in front of your mouth for you to bite onto

the stick slowly begins to get smaller as your lips inch closer to his and you grip the couch you're currently sat on nervously

You take another bite and suddenly feel his lips on yours����

SUCCESS! SUCCESS! SUCCE-

"Oh? This is an interesting flavour~"

wait... you recognise that voice😨

"ROOK?!" the two of you separated and yelled at the same time, then turned your heads to see Rook casually enjoying your Pocky beside you

"Did you both enjoy the flavour as well?" Rook smiled innocently at you, taking out another one from the box

Vil pinched the bridge of his nose, mumbling something under his breath while you just sat there in shock🧍🏻

☾⋆⁺₊ Idia Shroud + Sakura Pocky

being the candy enjoyer that he is, he would never turn down free pocky (especially not his favourite... which speaking of, how did you know that one is his favourite?)

(ortho supplied you with that information)

however, his smile dropped when you started talking about the challenge all of a sudden

and he became all red instead🤭

"You got all that?" you asked, waving the pocky stick in front of his face with an innocent smile

"D-Do I- Do I...."

babe, he cannot form a sentence right now, much less process anything you just told him. you cannot POSSIBLY expect him to give you a clear answer right now🙄

"Oh, do you not wanna do it? That's fine." you get up, ready to leave (you're doing this on purpose, manipulation is key😈)

but no, seriously, you weren't going to make him do anything he was uncomfortable with, and you kinda expected a reaction like this anyways😭

"N-No, No, I want to..." he grabs onto your sleeve awkwardly, literally shaking from embarrasment

you're actually kinda worried, will he even survive till the whole kiss part?

No time like the present to find out, you suppose

you place the pocky in your mouth, waiting for him to bite into the other end. he does and immediately screws his eyes shut, WAAAY too embarrased to look at you

the distance between the two of you slowly closes but when there's just a bit of the pocky stick left he lets go and immediately runs away, hair slightly red at the ends😫

"Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god...." he whispers to himself over and over, thinking about how he almost kissed you just now

atleast he got to eat his favourite flavour...????

"Did it fail?" Ortho came out of his hiding spot and you nodded, pouting slighly☹️

"That's plan G crossed off the list. You wrote down '7 minutes in heaven' for plan H. Though I do not know what that is, I will assist you in any way I can."

[forkfulofflavor]

Southern Spicy Snack Crackers These Southern Spicy Snack Crackers are a flavorful twist on classic party snacks, perfect for gatherings or a cozy night in. Enjoy the zesty kick from the spices and the satisfying crunch of the splitters. Ingredients: - 16 oz. package of saltine spliters - 1 tsp garlic powder - 1 tsp onion powder - 1/2 tsp black pepper - 4 Tbsp about 2 packages ranch dressing mix - 3 Tbsp red pepper flakes - 2 cups olive oil Directions: 1. Mix marinade: Pour the olive oil, garlic powder, onion powder, black pepper, ranch dressing mix, and red pepper flakes into a large zip-top bag. Seal the bag and knead it well to combine all the ingredients. 2. Add spliters: Place all 4 sleeves of spliters in the bag. Reseal it and gently turn the bag over several times to ensure the spliters are fully coated. The more you turn, the better the coating. 3. Rest: Let the bag sit overnight to allow the flavors to meld. 4. Bake spliters: Lay the spliters out on a baking sheet and bake at 250°F for about 15 minutes. No-Bake Option: If you're in a hurry, the spliters are delicious without baking in Step 4.

[autisticlancemcclain]

“You’re not going.”

Keith picks his head up from the table. “Huh?”

“To the Blades,” Lance clarifies, chopping up something that looks like a bright pink potato and throwing it in a rapidly boiling pot in what Keith would call an aggressive manner. “You’re not going.”

“…I didn’t say I was.”

He didn’t. He didn’t mention anything about the Blades to any living soul. Like, yeah, he had made the decision and was going to, but.

There’s no reason Lance should know that.

“Good, then, because I took your uniform — which looks like a slutty catsuit, by the way, just so you’re aware — to the incinerator last night. It’s ash now.”

Keith stares at his best friend, jaw dropped, hands resting limply on the edge of the dining table, because — huh? pardon? what happened?

“Whatever identity crisis you’re having can happen here,” Lance adds, shaking some spices into the boiling pot and stirring it a couple times. He dips in a spoon, brings it up to his lips, then makes a face. “Here, try this.”

He marches over to where Keith has been moping as he makes dinner and shoves a spoon into his gaping mouth. Keith chokes, hot stew making its merry way down his trachea, eyes watering and chest heaving.

“A little too salty,” he rasps.

Lance scowls. “Fuck. I knew it. Gotta add more barbie potatoes.” He turns down the heat, grabbing more potatoes from the sack and busying himself with peeling them. Slowly, as he recovers from the fear of his actual lungs collapsing in on themselves, Keith stands, hesitantly approaching Lance and reaching for a knife to chop what he peels.

“So,” he starts.

Lance ignores him.

But Keith is used to this dynamic. It’s either this or flipped. Friends or not, if there’s one thing they can’t do it’s use their big boy words. So he carries on.

“I take it you…don’t want me to go, then.”

Lance grunts. “Oh, look, the caveman has room in his skull for a brain after all.”

“Uncalled for,” Keith says, scowling. “I am not the one who’s refusing to communicate right now.”

The corner of Lance’s mouth twitches upwards.

Score. Point to Keith.

“Obviously I don’t want you to leave, you stupid dumbass,” Lance admits finally. He wrestles the chopped roots out of Keith’s hands and practically dunks them in the pot, turning the heat back up. Keith smears his starch covered hands on his shirt in revenge (and then wisely takes three quick and giant steps back, well out of backhanding range).

“But there are too many paladins,” Keith points out. “You said it yourself.”

Lance grabs a dishtowel, twisting it menacingly in his hands. Keith tries not to think about the scar he knows Hunk has from when Lance snapped a towel at him when they were kids, wrestling in the McClains’ kitchen. He fails.

“Do you actually have any braincells left in your head at all?”

“Yes, jackass. That’s why I did the math. I leave and the numbers add back up. Problem solved.”

“You leave and Voltron falls apart,” Lance snaps. “So maybe crunch those numbers again.”

Keith stills. Lance steps towards him, still glaring, still menacing, but he doesn’t move — he holds Lance’s gaze, searching his dark eyes, looking for the words he isn’t saying. Because Keith…Keith isn’t the one holding Voltron together. There was a reason his heart caught in his throat when Lance came to him downtrodden and talked about being a seventh wheel. There’s a reason his duffel is packed, a reason he’s talked to Kolivan. He knows who needs to step aside.

“You just don’t get it,” Lance says, frustrated. He takes another step.

“You talk to us about teamwork all the time.”

Another step.

“You’re favourite thing to whine about is the bonding moment.”

Another step, this time as he pitches his voice high and mocking, flapping his hands.

“You never shut up about training as a group.”

One final step and he’s toe to toe, shoes to boots, nose to nose. Keith realises, startlingly, that they’re the exact same height, now.

“We are a crew, imbécil. Team, group, boyband. Whatever you wanna call it. All for one and one for all. The whole nine yards, all that cheesy bullshit.” He pokes Keith hard in the chest. “You don’t get to ditch.”

“But it makes more sense,” Keith argues, weakly and half-desperately. “We only have so many resources. If I can be useful at the Blades —”

“Fuck the fucking Blades.”

Keith deflates. His hand comes up to stop Lance’s jabbing finger, curling around his knuckles. Lance softens, slightly.

“I just want to be as useful as I can be.”

“And if you’re enough as you are?” Lance asks quietly.

Keith opens his mouth, but stops, automatic I’m not dying in his throat. For the first time in his life, it doesn’t seem like the truth, with the determined set to Lance’s jaw and the sliding of their fingers together, gripping tightly.

“Then I guess I’m staying,” Keith breathes.

Lance nods. “Good.”

Keith notices his hands are kind of clammy. His forehead, too, is a little sweaty. The air between them feels hot. Keith swallows.

“Your stew is on fire,” he croaks, voice rough.

Lance drops his hand, cursing.

“Oh — por amor de dios, hablas en fucking serio —”

———

At dinner, Keith eats his burnt stew without a word of complaint. When Lance drags him to the sink to help clean up, after, even though it’s not his turn, he goes, and he lingers too close and too long, and he’s grateful that the duffel he packed to leave home for good is laid emptied on his bed when he turns in for the night.

[najia-cooks]

Lemon balm shortbread cookies

Lemon balm (Melissa officinalis), a commonly foraged plant in the mint family, gives a lightly herbacious, bright lemon flavor to these shortbread cookies. They have a classic, crisp, sandy shortbread texture; optional poppy seeds add crunch and a mild nutty flavor. The lemon balm and poppy seeds may be swapped out for any combination of herbs, spices, or citrus zest that your heart desires.

These cookies are subtly sweet and very dunkable, making them perfect companions to a cup of tea or coffee.

Recipe under the cut!

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Lemon balm has square stems and opposite leaves (two leaves per node on opposite sides of the stem). Leaves are simple (one leaf blade with no leaflets); ovate and slightly heart-shaped, with scalloped edges; slightly glossy; thin, soft, and hairy; and deeply veined. They are emerald green on the top, and a lighter greyish green on the underside. They have a lemony scent and an oily texture when crushed. Stems and petioles (leaf stalks) are covered in small standing hairs.

Ingredients:

120g (1/2 cup + 1 Tbsp) salted non-dairy margarine, softened

60g (1/3 cup) caster or granulated sugar

180g (1 1/2 cups) AP flour

1/4 cup (8.5g) minced lemon balm

1 tsp poppy seeds (optional)

Like most traditional shortbread, this recipe follows a 1:2:3 ratio of sugar:butter:flour (by weight). Any herbs, spices, citrus zest, etc. of your choosing may be added to that base.

You could replace the caster sugar with powdered sugar if you want a melt-in-your-mouth texture, rather than a typical crumbly shortbread texture.

Instructions:

Cream margarine with an electric beater for 30 seconds, until it has a whipped texture. Add lemon balm and sugar and beat for another 3 minutes or so, until a couple shades lighter in color (this means that you have incorporated enough air).

Add the flour and mix well with a wooden spoon; then press with your hands to form into a ball.

Roll the dough out into a cylinder. You can make the cylinder more regular by placing it on a piece of wax or parchment paper, then folding the parchment paper over; use a ruler or the flat of a knife to force the cylinder of dough back into the folded edge of the paper.

Wrap the dough by twisting the ends of the parchment paper around, like a candy wrapper. Chill the dough for at least an hour, to keep the cookies from spreading in the oven by allowing the flour to absorb liquid.

Using a sharp paring knife, cut the cylinder of dough into slices about 1/4" thick. Place on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper, about 1/2" apart.

Bake at 350 °F (180 °C), in the top third of your oven, for 8 to 10 minutes. For chewier cookies, bake just until the center of the top and bottom of the cookie is no longer wet-looking; for crisper ones, bake until the edges are just starting to turn a light golden color.

[netbug009]

okay so i have a hyperspecific theory that is probably not canon but i need to talk about. SO. CONCERNING JAX AND RAGATHA.

(This theory is NOT shippy in and of itself but I'm tagging the Jagatha fans because I think they'll like the potential of this - I hope that's okay!)

OKAY SO WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE NPC THEORY AND THE ORDER OF WHICH EVERYONE ARRIVED AT THE CIRCUS

Kinger was the first of the un-abstracted and Kaufmo (or at least before Ragatha if we don't take Jax's word for it) to arrive at the circus. I find it interesting that Gooseworx has been pretty staunch about not telling us more about the order, only confirming that the only character who could potentially have all of the information is the one incapable of remembering shit most of the time. That sure is convenient. What we DON'T get told tend to be as important as what we ARE told with this series, which leads my Charlie Day brain to think the order has an impact.

So, let's say Ragatha comes next.

WHAT IF, hear me out here, there was a moment when it was only Ragatha and an already pretty messed up Kinger, or maybe Kinger was just easy enough to talk into the idea at the time.

If Jax IS a rogue NPC that Caine forgot about, as so many have been theorizing... Who would be nice enough to bring them back?

Who would be nice enough to bring Jax back and continue to hide the fact that he is an NPC from Caine once Caine forgets? Who would be nice enough to continue to protect him even when he's being an absolute dick to everyone?

Y e a h. Funny how it's the same character who spends the most time being frustrated with him and legitimately trying to get him to be nicer.

I love this idea because not only does it make an alarming amount of sense, but it'd add so much ✨SPICE✨ to all those times Jax bullies Ragatha in particular. She has the power to out him and immediately get him killed. He knows she would NEVER and exploits this.

Like I said, this is so specific that we're almost moving from theory territory to fanfic territory, but I just love the potential CRUNCH of it? And if I am right I will forever be hailed as a genius so I've got nothing to lose besides the few people who still thought I was hinged for some reason. Jokes on you: I'm only hinged when I'm too depressed to be otherwise and my new meds are fucking WORKING.

[forgeofthenine]

So I met a fellow tiefling bachelors enthusiast and we got into a conversation about weather or not the three would like foods from earth. Specifically pizza. What do you think will happen when the modern s/o (post absolute) makes them pizza for the first time?

I've gotta admit Anon, this did end up becoming more of a broad 'modern food' reaction, but I did add all of their opinions on pizza! I hope you still enjoy it :)

How the tiefling bachelors react to modern food

Dammon

Dammon strikes me as the kind of guy that genuinely really likes pizza

He's not picky with food, you can top it with anything and give him any type of base and he'll still enjoy it

I actually think he'd like pizzas with unique toppings, he'd be big on olives on pizza, or Hawaiian style ones with pineapple, and he'd love dessert pizza

One of Dammons favourite at home date night ideas ends up being cooking up a pizza dinner together

Both of you filling the counter with potential toppings and very occasionally sabotaging each others pizza

He'd also like other more 'modern' foods, think hot dogs, popcorn, and shoe string style chips

Hot dogs in particular he'll happily load up with all the fixings, you'll start to wonder if he has more toppings than hot dog

Dammon is a defender of loaded fries too, and he's always offering you a taste of whatever topping combo he's come up with this time

Zevlor

I feel like Zevlor wouldn't be a big fan of pizza

Modern pizza chains would be too greasy for his taste and homemade pizza just doesn't hit the spot

I feel like if he could though, Zevlor would get really into modern barbeque and smoked meat culture

As soon as he realises the possibilities there's no stopping him

I think Zevlor would really vibe with burgers, particularly because with the right kind of meat and toppings it's not too greasy

A big fan of chicken burgers, and if he is making a burger with beef then he's a huge supporter of beetroot on burgers

He'd love having a wood smoker too, absolutely the type to put research and practice into making the best smoked brisket and smoked fish

The good food and sense of accomplishment really keep him circling back to the hobby, very quickly becoming an expert

Zevlor loves seeing your reactions to his latest food endeavours too

Rolan

Okay, I feel like Rolan has no strong opinions of pizza, hot dogs, or burgers

They're all something he where he could take it or leave it, not a big deal to him

He does appreciate it if you cook any of these for him though

However, there are some modern foods he absolutely loves

One of them is sushi, he's obsessed from first taste

Rolan loves a variety of sushi but his favourites include tuna, salmon, egg, and avocado

He likes that it's quick and easy to eat without him feeling bogged down afterwards

When he's wanting something a bit different he'd go for Korean fried chicken

I see Rolan as someone that handles spice really well and I think he'd enjoy some spicy fried chicken

Between the crunch as he bites into it and all the different spices used have him addicted

His love of spicy food doesn't end there though, this man would love biryani

The spicier the better for him

Unless you're also good with spice don't ask for a bit of Rolans food, or you might find your tongue burning

[tastesoftamriel]

You know those cheesy pasta dishes with all the fancy add-ins like heavy cream and garlic so we can all pretend to ourselves that we aren't just eating mac and cheese like overgrown children? What sort of equivalent dishes do the people of Tamriel enjoy, that are basically just dressed-up "kid food" dishes?

Who doesn't love a cheeky meal that brings back memories of childhood? Across Tamriel, you'll find all manner of simple, hearty foods that will make you feel like a kid again!

Altmer

In Summerset, young and old alike enjoy mochi, a tasty sweet snack made from chewy glutinous rice flour. Mochi comes in many varieties, with fillings like sweet peanut or black sesame paste. However, almost everyone's favourite is a cold mochi filled with soft gelato of various flavours. My favourite combination is matcha mochi wrapped around a moreish azuki bean ice cream centre.

Argonians

Is there anything that makes you feel more like a kid than some snacking? Argonians are huge fans of anything that packs a crunch, both sweet and savoury. Whether it's spicy and sweet crickets, dark saltrice sauce-coated mealworms, or just good old prawn crackers with some dipping sambal, be prepared to snack your way all day long in Black Marsh.

Bosmer

If you're one of those people who stands in the kitchen gnawing a block of cheese at midnight, you're in good company in Valenwood. A popular late-night treat served at street food vendors across the Province is a simple cup of grilled witchetty grubs slathered in timber mammoth cheese sauce and topped with pulled pork. The grubs are meaty in flavour, and the pungent timber mammoth cheese complements the pulled pork when mixed all together, as the locals enjoy it.

Bretons

Pain au chocolat? Yes please! These deliciously buttery puffed pastries are essentially rectangular croissants enveloping delicious dark chocolate. Served warm, they're sure to make any breakfast or teatime a happy one! To really satisfy those chocolate cravings, pair with a classic Breton hot chocolate, complete with marshmallows and whipped cream.

Dunmer

Marshmerrow cake is the ubiquitous Dunmeri dessert that has gained popularity far beyond the borders of Morrowind due to its mild flavour and unique candy aroma. A soft sponge cake, which is sometimes soaked in comberry brandy, is layered with sweet marshmerrow crème patissiere, caramelised marshmerrow crumble, and maraschino comberries. Sure to knock some years off your age and put a couple more holes in your belt (it's impossible to stop at one slice. Source: me).

Imperials

There's nothing quite like homemade gnocchi with ragout for Imperials when it comes to comfort food. While this homey dish is prevalent across Cyrodiil, every household cooks the dish differently. In mine, my mother pan-fries the gnocchi in an obnoxious amount of butter, and tops it with her top-secret slow-cooked lamb and red wine ragout. While I cannot give away the secrets to her ragout, I highly recommend trying this delicious dish a try when you need to warm yourself, body and soul.

Khajiit

If you think you can turn away cinnamon and cardamom churros with a cup of moon sugar caramel dip, you're deluding yourself. This delicious treat can be found across Elsweyr and is considered one of the Province's most famous foods. Khajiiti churros, which are made from a mix of rice and tapioca flour, have a moist and chewy texture beneath a crisp, golden brown outer layer. They're served hot from the wok, with a cup of moon sugar caramel syrup. A truly divine pairing!

Nords

Spätzle is something I've written about in the past, and it's one of the best things I know (ask any resident of Skyrim and they'd tell you the same). These chunky egg noodles may look unrefined compared to Khajiiti vermicelli, but make up for it when liberally doused in a creamy cheese sauce and topped with fried onions. I like spicing mine up, quite literally, with some chili powder I purchased at a Sentinel bazaar.

Orcs

Nothing screams comfort food (and mess) quite like a good old echatere sausage hot dog. The echatere sausage, rather akin to Blackwood chorizo in flavour, is grilled over hot coals and served in a sourdough bun, served Wrothgar style with a good amount of horseradish mayo, fried radish chips, caramelised onions, pickles, and crispy dried baby shrimp topping. I'd say you can't stop at just one, but it's a hefty meal you can eat with one hand!

Redguards

I have probably written about gulab jamun in the past, a delicious, albeit cloying dessert popular throughout Hammerfell. An iconic dish at festivals and parties, gulab jamun is prized by dessert-lovers for its velvety, syrupy texture. These fluffy balls of cardamom-scented cottage cheese are fried and soaked in a fragrant saffron and rose water syrup, and topped with crushed pistachios. So simple, so good, and so moreish. Just be sure to stop at three, because any more and the sugar rush will send you to Aetherius!

[thechillsquid]

Blind Eyes Au- Apologies

Okay so this was supposed to be a drabble writing but it just kept getting longer and kinda just became a whole oneshot so uh yeah

Warnings for some content: Casual body horror, heavily implied drinking various dangerous chemicals (but Bill’s fine he’s a demon but still), threats of violence, injury, blood, trauma, paranoia, panic, etc.

—

All things considered, Bill wasn’t doing too shabby, though perhaps he’d pushed it with that last drink he’d had, but cmon! How else was he supposed to get a good buzz when all this human liquor barely made him tipsy, cyanide always did add a little spice! Well, that and whatever else he’d poured into that red solo cup before swallowing it whole, he forgot what had all been under Tate’s sink.

He ran his tongue lazily over an eye (doing very inhuman things in a vaguely human shape was hilarious!) and swayed a moment as he tried to figure which way the shack was. Ugh, he rolled his eyes into the back of his head, letting the forest go still and silent around himself before snapping back to attention when he’d recalled the path.

The demon hummed to himself and when he swayed just once more too many times, he let the human guise crumble in on itself. There was one satisfying crunch, a few squelches for flavor, and he scurried along on an array of spindly legs, body more sleek and reptilian in nature as his now lone eye stared up at the sky in almost an absent nature.

He just wanted to get back home, gorge himself on whatever snacks were in the fridge, and then possibly fall asleep under Stan’s bed (a good hiding spot to avoid Fordsey’s vengeful stare). Bill didn’t even take a moment to think about who may have also been awake this late in the night, crawling about the building as he got closer.

He flicked out a black-forked tongue, skittering about the perimeter and making certain that Ford hadn’t found a way yet to expel him from the shack. He didn’t see anything notable, eyeing the ground as he cautioned a few steps at a time until right against the wall just shy the kitchen window.

With all the ease and elegance a drunk eldritch monster could manage, Bill slipped the window open and forced his mass through, spilling out into the surrounding area before picking himself back up. Literally, as in he had to scoop up parts of himself that tumbled off, whoops!

He squashed himself back together and crawled to the fridge, prying it open with gnashing teeth and twitching claws, multiple eyes peeling open to peer inside. Ugh, what did they have that no one would miss immediately… few eggs, like a cup of milk… lettuce… maybe some butter sticks would do for now…?

As he shifted into something more human adjacent again (made things easier with the stupid lil opposable thumbs and he was wayyyyy too drunk to float properly so lengthy hairless ape it was!) he just barely noticed a creak in the floorboards. He glanced over, slowly shoving a butter stick into his mouth, little plastic wrapping and all.

A chill ran down his spine as he saw none other than Stanford Pines standing there, just… greaaaat. Bill chewed his mouthful slowly, eyes glancing quickly to the window as he held the other butter stick. Would it be better for him to just leave or…?

His stupid drunk fucking mouth spoke for him, “Heeeeeeeyyyyy, gurrrrl, howww we doin?”

Bill mentally lit himself on fire. Ford stared, the bags under his eyes were heavy and dark, “What are you doing here, Cipher.” Oh yeeesh, there was that whole growl to the guys voice right now, properly pissed the hell off.

The demon casually held up the other stick of butter a bit higher, slurring his words, “Look… I’mma just here for likeee, uh, snack.”

“Get out,” the man said shortly.

An annoyingly reasonable voice in Bill’s head that sounded suspiciously like Fidds told him to just for once in his life do as he was told without a fight. The louder voice in his head however was a bit more stubborn. “Is that whatcha said to good ole Fez, too? I know you’re going to kick him out the very moment those kids leave, him and Fidds gone from your life the soonest time possible. You can’t stand none of us can you?”

Ford took a few dangerous steps forward and if Bill was admittedly a bit more sober he would have noticed the way one of the guy’s hands was settled suspiciously over one hip. However, all he could focus on was the utter anger that flashed through the man’s eyes, the sheer hatred that sat there. “Dont talk like you know my brother or friend, demon,” he spat.

“I’ve known them longer than you cared to,” he responded snidely, moving to turn back to the fridge’s contents. That’s when he made his second grave mistake after not leaving when first told, turning his back on one of the most dangerous people in the multiverse besides himself.

There was a sound of fabric, the deep rumble of an inhuman snarl, and the cold metal of something being pressed to the back of Bill’s head. Ah. That was probably not good.

“What’s your game, Cipher?” Ford’s words were a low hiss now, right next to his ear, “If you even lay a finger on any of my family—“

“I care about them, too.” The words again slipped from his mouth on their own accord, Bill flinching harshly at his own words. Oh he had not meant to say that—

The gun clicked and he stilled, carefully settling his snack back on a shelf as he slowly moved to hold his hands up in surrender. He wasn’t sure what kind of a gun was against his head and he was realizing fast that unless he wanted to cause a whole fiasco, he better sober up and soon.

“I’m going to kill you,” Ford said in a hoarse voice.

Bill was surprised he hadn’t pulled the trigger already, giving out a weak chuckle, “Fordsey, there are kids asleep upstairs, how’s bout we—“

“Don’t! Dont bring them into this!”

The demon twitched at the man’s volume, listening tensely for any sounds of activity other than the panicked breathing from Fordsey behind him. “Okay— okay,” he finally agreed, hands still raised in the air. Yikes this was going south fast, wasn’t it? He swallowed down a giggle, but well well well— if it wasn’t the consequences of his own actions come to bite him in the angle once again!

“Why are you really here, Cipher?”

He was asking himself the same damned thing the longer this went on. “I dunno,” he sighed, cautiously turning his head so he could see the other. Being a bit closer to the man certainly made the bloodshot eyes more notable, as well as the subtle shake in the man’s stance. “Here… how bout we just go outside and talk…?”

“Why the hell would you want to do that,” the way Ford bared his teeth must have been a habit picked up from his travelings, it looked nearly feral. Bill kind of liked it, pausing to mentally brush the thought aside. Focus! There is a gun to your head that might actually be able to kill you and a very, very pissed Fordsey wielding it!

“Because, if you shoot me in here, you might shoot through some structural support and end up hurting someone else,” he said slowly, it was always good to play to Sixer’s logic when he got worked up. Though he also never thought that something like this would happen, so, maybe he was making a bigger gamble than he was realizing?

Thankfully, it seemed to make the guy think just a bit about where they were, his eyes darting away just a moment to glance out the room. “Make one wrong move and I’ll kill you.”

“It’s a d—“ Bill quickly bit his tongue, “Yup. Whatever you say.”

Ford kept the gun at his head as they made their way outside, Bill closing one eye to briefly check on the others in the shack, relieved and a bit annoyed that everyone was still sleeping away. Easing himself down, the demon sat down and glanced up at Ford, as long as the human was in a position of power and control, hopefully that’d help calm him some.

“You wanted to talk,” the man scowled, “So talk.”

“Thank you.” Bill could see the way Ford stiffened, a brief look of confusion crossing over his face before melting back into annoyance as the demon kept talking, “I really don’t want, you know, trouble or anything here, pal—“

Ford snatched him up by the collar of his shirt, honestly it was pretty impressive how quickly he moved at his age, “I’m not your pal.”

He nodded easily, “Okay, okay, slip of the tongue, I’m sorry—“

He was let go suddenly and in his surprise at the sudden lack of contact, his face had a lovely meeting with the ground. He hissed, quickly popping back up, “Ow.”

Bill looked up and squinted, wiping at the blood dripping from his nose now. Ford was giving him one hell of a look right now. “What? I got somethin’ on my face or what?”

“You just, nevermind.” Ford eyed him a moment, “You can bleed?”

“You want a sample?” He mused, wiping the silvery gore from his hand off onto the ground, “I got a physical form nowadays so I gotta whole bunch of blood and guts and stuff in here.” He dusted himself off as he spoke, sitting criss-cross and letting his nose just bleed.

The gun lowered just a bit. Oh, the nerd totally wanted a sample, didn’t he? This… this might be a good way to get a truce going actually! He’d have to be careful with his apologizes, but maybe having something to focus on that was logical and quantifiable would ease Sixer’s paranoia and fears? Great! He was so clever, ha!

“How’s bout, I get let back in the shack, and I’ll answer whatever questions you can think up and you can collect just bout all the samples you could want? Blood, teeth, I got just about anything and everything.” He tilted his head, moving a hand up to carefully prod at his nose. Thankfully, it seemed the bleeding was chilling out, so that was good, he did not need questions from anyone else. “What do you say, IQ?”

“And if I refuse?”

“I… uh, I guess I’ll sleep in a tree or something…?” He gestured towards the woods with a shrug.

“…do you even need to sleep…?”

“I could ask you the same thing, eye bags.”

Ford scowled, “I wonder who’s fault that is.”

Aah. Yeaaaaah. Bill winced, shooting the guy finger guns, “My bad, I won’t push it.”

Sixer was giving him that weird look again and Bill steadily gazed back, waiting. “And whats the catch, what do you get out of this?”

“Outta what?” He asked, squinting.

“…this damned truce or whatever you want to call it you demon!”

“Oh. Oh yeaaaah,” he nodded, scratching at his chin thoughtfully. “So you want a cheap answer or a real one?” When Ford only stared at him, he held his hands up once more. “Alright, alright, look, I got a sweet gig going on here and I’m a bit drunk at the moment, but I kinda have grown to like this place and I might be engaged to Fidds, so yeah. Is kinda like I got family or something and I don’t want to lose it. Blah blah blah, emotional bullshit.”

“Yeah righ— what did you just say about you and Fiddleford—“

“He’s putting a ring on it,” he said proudly, holding a hand out and pointing at a finger, “Riiiiiigggghhht here, just uhhh. Wait fuck. Did I ask him yet… no he asked me I think? One of us did.”

“If you so much as—“

“Please just shut up, Ford.” Bill rubbed at the bridge of his nose, “I’ve heard that line so many fucking times by now, just. Do we got a truce or what?” Out of habit he held out a hand before catching the other’s look and quickly putting it down.

“I… suppose. For now.”

Bill gave a sigh of relief, “Amazing, now if you don’t mind, I’m going to crawl under Stan’s bed and pass the fuck out—“

“You’re what—“

“—byeeeeeeee!” He shot finger guns and before Stanford could change his mind, he melted into a puddle of black goo and eyes and slipped under the door leading back inside.