#it actually encourages me to do what i want

[chanceofwhat]

You can also share something mundane that happened to you in your life recently! You can lie about how recent it was if you’d like!

If you have a pet, anything about the pet is always good. “I got my dog a new toy the other day, and she absolutely loves it, it’s the cutest thing.” “Yesterday, my cat came up and drank out of my water cup right in front of me, like I wasn’t even there!” “My friend got this pet hamster recently, he’s so cute!”

Otherwise, TV is a good choice. Preferably something popular, but it can be something niche as long as you stay vague about it and are careful not to be in explaining mode for too long. You can even say you rewatched something that you know everyone likes! “Have you been watching the new season of Squid Game?” “I rewatched Home Alone this past Christmas— such a good movie!” “I’ve been rewatching a lot of marvel movies recently. Have you seen many of those?” These also tend to transition well into questions, such as “What have you been watching?” “What’s your favorite show?” “What’s your favorite Christmas movie?”

Just make a statement about the weather, “It was very windy this morning.” “It’s colder today than it was yesterday.” “It’s supposed to storm later this week.” “It’s sunny right now.” Or the day of the week (Monday is bad, Friday is good, weekend is best, compare other days to these) “Ugh, it’s Monday.” “It’s almost Friday!” Etc. Statements like this encourage others, especially neurotypicals, to comment/share their opinions.

Usually, with those, they’ll match your tone, or if you’re neutral, they’ll give you an easily predictable tone cue to follow. Sometimes they won’t, or they’ll even disagree with you. “I like the cold!” “I don’t mind the wind.” “Not as sunny as I’d like it to be.” “Actually, for a Monday, my day’s been pretty good so far.” Etc. This is okay and normal. It doesn’t mean they’re unhappy with you, it’s not a negative reaction, it just adds dynamic to the conversation. You can either concede and ‘realize’ that they’re right (“Yea, wind isn’t so bad.” Or “Actually, my day’s been alright too!”) or you can continue to disagree (“I don’t do well in the cold.” Or “That’s good for you, ‘cause my day’s been dreary.”) Either of these are correct.

But in the end, a generic question is often best. “Did you do anything fun this weekend/lately?” Or “Got any fun plans this week/weekend?” That allows them to talk about whatever they want to talk about, often enabling them to launch into a story. They want to tell their story. Be interested, nod, match their tone, they’re not looking/listening to you very intently during their story, they just want to tell it to someone. They’ll be ecstatic if you match their tone correctly at the climax.

Small talk is a form of connection. They’re making sounds at you and they want you to reciprocate. The words themselves aren’t the important part. I know, it’s a strange dance, but the neurotypicals really appreciate it, and it’s vital if you want to form and keep base-level connections with people. Not everybody wants to engage with you philosophically, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to be your cordial work-friend, etc. You can do it! I believe in you!

I'm trying to figure out a good way to say "you really should actually learn the basics of small talk" with sounding like I'm biased against autistic people.

[tra-archive]

Please read this whole post and reblog it, radblr. I don’t want anyone to forget this happened to me and I also don’t want anyone to forget how disgusting the TRA community is.

Next month, it’ll be one year since I was harassed, doxxed, and targeted by a disgusting person and their sick followers. I won’t say their name because they still have a cult following, but if you need a hint, look up the drama with photomatt in February 2024.

On my old account, an anon told me about an account getting banned from tumblr and the ensuing chaos from TRAs. I answered the ask and posted a picture of the person’s new account so radblr could block if they needed to. I had no idea who this person was until I got that anon ask, just to be clear.

The person found the post and reblogged it, accusing me of being the one who led a “targeted harassment campaign” against them and got their account banned, and told their followers “you know what to do” or something like that. Keep in mind, I didn’t know who this person was at all so I obviously wasn’t the one who got them banned. I also *gasp* didn’t use their preferred pronouns, so that was a huge scandal as well.

After that, their followers began to harass me and send violent threats to my inbox. (Edit: oh and this evil person accused me of sending them to myself for attention, which is so fucked up and misogynistic I don’t even have words for it.) Here’s the worst one that I still have trauma from to this day:

My account was then termed by tumblr. I made a new account and called for radblr to report the account for sending their followers to harass me. Well, this made everything worse because the hate I got on this new account was a thousand times worse. This person’s minions created multiple posts about me (look up m3nrbad for proof, that was the account name). There were hundreds of comments calling me misogynistic slurs and calling for me to be doxxed and even lynched. They also found my Reddit account and harassed me there too. I even got a few text messages to my PHONE NUMBER. I have no idea how this evil person’s followers got ahold of it, but I changed my number and my mother took me to buy a new phone just to be safe. Here’s what one of them said about me, encouraging their followers to false report me:

A short while after this, the evil person’s blog was termed again and they were (I think) IP banned from all of tumblr. The CEO photomatt threatened to take legal action against them. It had nothing to do with me, but I can’t lie, it felt so good seeing that happen to them after the hell they put me through. Here’s me reacting to the news:

TRAs on tumblr of course threw a hissy fit and attacked Matt for months because their leader was banned. They also acted like this person was being systemically oppressed by tumblr of all fucking places. Keep in mind this person is white and born male, acting as if they were so oppressed by a website.

I eventually deleted that other blog and made this one. I spent hours and hours blocking every single person who reblogged, liked, and commented on posts about me, as well as blocking almost every one of a big tra’s followers. I was determined to stop being harassed.

Anyway, I know I shouldn’t be dwelling on this because it’s just internet drama, but people still worship this person and act like they’re such a poor victim, and in reality that’s not true. That month was hell for me and my actual safety was threatened. If it wasn’t for some of you gyns being so amazing and funny on here, I would’ve never come back to radblr.

Thanks for reading all the way through.

-Sirona

[frownyalfred]

Hi. I'm not a canon purist and enjoy some fanon content very much, but I do think people in the fandom should at least familiarize themselves with the canon content and source material. It's easier to break the "rules" so to speak and experiment with canon when you know what that actually is. I've noticed a lot of fans that are only familiar with fanon criticise content that doesn't line up with what they believe to be canon but isn't. The Red Hood for example. I've seen writers who portray him as the violent criminal he is in much of the canon be completely decimated by Jason fans who only know fanon and the retconned version of Red Hood and completely deny canon even exists and refuse to even glance at the comics. Transformative works are important and playing in the sandbox is for everyone but fandom literally cannot exist without canon. Canon is important and people can do whatever they want with it but they should respect it enough to at least look at it.

Hi anon, I'm going to hold your hand as I say this, and I will say it as gently as I can: This is still a form of canon purism.

We can absolutely agree that readers shouldn't berate or abuse writers for how they choose to portray characters in fic, whether that's a more canon-faithful characterization or a popular fanon version. If readers don't like how a character is portrayed, we should encourage them to hit the back button instead.

I want to draw your attention to some of the words you used in your ask above: "should" "respect" "decimated" etc. Those are some strong words to describe how you think people need to behave, in order to exist in fandom. Of course, there is no fandom without canon source material -- I'm not denying that. But with such a wide and varied canon, the DC fandom has examples of the Red Hood you mention above, AND the "retconned" version you also reference. Both are canon, as in actually, officially, canon. WFA is canon, and that Red Hood looks very different from the Red Hood you describe.

Now, I think your issue is that you enjoy a certain version of canon, and you're frustrated that the fandom doesn't also, as trends ebb and flow, enjoy that canon as much as you do. Again, I want to acknowledge that just because a certain version is popular, it doesn't give folks the right to berate authors for writing a different version. But again, I don't think that's what we're really talking about here. From your ask's tone, I think you're suggesting that people should, in order to participate in fandom, read that older canon, that different version, or as you say, "glance at it" before enjoying or writing the fanon version.

Guess what? They actually, really, really, don't have to. It sounds like you have some issues with judging your fellow fandom members who don't read what you do or reference certain canon. But the magic of this fandom is, you can enter it at any point. We're a big pool, and if someone's entry point is the Lego Batman movie and that's it, that's still valid.

Fandom stems from canon, yes, but I almost never hear people talk about movies, or web comics, or other media when they talk about "required reading." It's always a comic. I really wish people would reflect on that before suggesting it as the one true path to being a fan.

The other thing I don't see asks like these reference ever is the reality that sometimes a fandom outstrips its canon material, and that that's an eventuality in some spaces. Fanon interpretations become popular, and people write about those specific characterizations or scenarios. They ebb and flow, like I mentioned, and some are more canon-faithful than others. Some completely reject canon, and again -- it's still fandom. It doesn't make it better or worse than a more canon-faithful fic. It's just different.

I had a couple asks about this topic a few weeks ago, and I'm assuming you haven't read those or you likely wouldn't have sent me this ask. But in them, I discuss how sometimes we need to suck it up and be unhappy that canon-faithful fics aren't as popular in a fandom at a specific time, and stop punishing fellow fans for writing and enjoying those fics. And we really need to stop shitting on them publicly on Tumblr.

Because often, what you're really saying is that you wish more people would write more canon-faithful fics, and stop writing ones about fanon topics you don't enjoy or think are accurate. And to that, I again say, there is nothing you can or should do to change that behavior from others. If you want to read it, write it, enjoy it, etc, do it yourself. Build the comic-faithful community here, write fics and promote challenges, create a discord channel and discuss your "required reading" there.

We are all writing and reading fanfiction at the end of the day. It is a great equalizer in many ways. My silly Lego Batman fic is just as valid as a canon-faithful rewrite of a certain Batman issue. One is not better than the other, or more deserving of respect. You will never get me to admit otherwise on this blog.

tl;dr: people should absolutely not berate authors who choose to write canon-faithful characterizations. however, there are layers of judgement and disdain many DC comics canon-faithful authors/readers have for their fellow fans that I think we need to examine critically in order to coexist respectfully.

[metanarrates]

Hello. Sorry if this a stupid question u can ignore if u want.

How can someone get better at media analysis? Besides obviously reading a lot.

Im asking this bc im in a point where im aware of my own lack of tools to analyze stories, but i don't know where to get them or how to get better in general. How did you learn to analyze media? There's any specific book, essay, author, etc that you recommend? Somewhere to start?

I'm asking you because you are genuinely the person who has the best takes on this site. Thank you for you work!

it sounds like a cop-out answer but it's always felt like a skill I acquired mostly thru reading a ton, and by paying a lot of attention in high school literature classes. because of that I can't promise that I'm necessarily equipped to be a good teacher or that i know good resources. HOWEVER! let me run some potential advice to you based on the shit i get a lot of mileage out of

first off, a lot of literary analysis is about pattern recognition! not just pattern recognition in-text, but out-of-text as well. how does this work relate to its genre? real-world history? does it have parallels between real-life situations? that kind of thing.

which is a big concept to just describe off the bat, so let me break it down further!

in literature, there is the concept of something called literary devices - they are some of the basic building blocks in how a story is delivered mechanically and via subtext. have you ever heard of a motif? that is a literary device. it's a pattern established in the text in order to further the storytelling! and here is a list of a ton of common literary devices - I'd recommend reading the article. it breaks down a lot of commonly used ones in prose and poetry and explains their usage.

personally, I don't find all the literary devices I've learned about in school to be the most useful to my analytical hobbies online. motifs, themes, and metaphors are useful and dissecting them can bring a lot to the table, but a lot of other devices are mostly like fun bonus trivia for me to notice when reading. however, memorizing those terms and trying to notice them in the things you read does have a distinct benefit - it encourages you to start noticing patterns, and to start thinking of the mechanical way a story is built. sure, thinking about how the prose is constructed might not help you understand the story much more, but it does make you start thinking about how things like prose contribute to the greater feeling of a piece, or how the formatting of a piece contributes to its overall narrative. you'll start developing this habit of picking out little things about a text, which is useful.

other forms of in-text pattern recognition can be about things like characterization! how does a character react to a certain situation? is it consistent with how they usually behave? what might that tell you about how they think? do they have tells that show when they're not being trustworthy? does their viewpoint always match what is happening on screen? what ideas do they have about how the world works? how are they influenced by other people in their lives? by social contexts that might exist? by situations that have affected them? (on that note, how do situations affect other situations?)

another one is just straight-up noticing themes in a work. is there a certain idea that keeps getting brought up? what is the work trying to say about that idea? if it's being brought up often, it's probably worth paying attention to!

that goes for any pattern, actually. if you notice something, it's worth thinking about why it might be there. try considering things like potential subtext, or what a technique might be trying to convey to a reader. even if you can't explain why every element of a text is there, you'll often gain something by trying to think about why something exists in a story.

^ sometimes the answer to that question is not always "because it's intentional" or even "because it was a good choice for the storytelling." authors frequently make choices that suck shit (I am a known complainer about choices that suck shit.) that's also worth thinking about. english classes won't encourage this line of thinking, because they're trying to get you to approach texts with intentional thought instead of writing them off. I appreciate that goal, genuinely, but I do think it hampers people's enthusiasm for analysis if they're not also being encouraged to analyze why they think something doesn't work well in a story. sometimes something sucks and it makes new students mad if they're not allowed to talk about it sucking! I'll get into that later - knowing how and why something doesn't work is also a valuable skill. being an informed and analytical hater will get you far in life.

so that's in-work literary analysis. id also recommend annotating your pages/pdfs or keeping a notebook if you want to close-read a work. keeping track of your thoughts while reading even if they're not "clever" or whatever encourages you to pay attention to a text and to draw patterns. it's very useful!

now, for out-of-work literary analysis! it's worth synthesizing something within its context. what social settings did this work come from? was it commenting on something in real life? is it responding to some aspects of history or current events? how does it relate to its genre? does it deviate from genre trends, commentate on them, or overall conform to its genre? where did the literary techniques it's using come from - does it have any big stylistic influences? is it referencing any other texts?

and if you don't know the answer to a bunch of these questions and want to know, RESEARCH IS YOUR FRIEND! look up historical events and social movements if you're reading a work from a place or time you're not familiar with. if you don't know much about a genre, look into what are considered common genre elements! see if you can find anyone talking about artistic movements, or read the texts that a work might be referencing! all of these things will give you a far more holistic view of a work.

as for your own personal reaction to & understanding of a work... so I've given the advice before that it's good to think about your own personal reactions to a story, and what you enjoy or dislike about it. while this is true that a lot of this is a baseline jumping-off point on how I personally conduct analysis, it's incomplete advice. you should not just be thinking about what you enjoy or dislike - you should also be thinking about why it works or doesn't work for you. if you've gotten a better grasp on story mechanics by practicing the types of pattern recognition i recognized above, you can start digging into how those storytelling techniques have affected you. did you enjoy this part of a story? what made it work well? what techniques built tension, or delivered well on conflict? what about if you thought it sucked? what aspects of storytelling might have failed?

sometimes the answer to this is highly subjective and personal. I'm slightly romance-averse because I am aromantic, so a lot of romance plots will simply bore me or actively annoy me. I try not to let that personal taste factor too much into serious critiques, though of course I will talk about why I find something boring and lament it wasn't done better lol. we're only human. just be aware of those personal taste quirks and factor them into analysis because it will help you be a bit more objective lol

but if it's not fully influenced by personal taste, you should get in the habit of building little theses about why a story affected you in a certain way. for example, "I felt bored and tired at this point in a plot, which may be due to poor pacing & handling of conflict." or "I felt excited at this point in the plot, because established tensions continued to get more complex and captured my interest." or "I liked this plot point because it iterated on an established theme in a way that brought interesting angles to how the story handled the theme." again, it's just a good way to think about how and why storytelling functions.

uh let's see what else. analysis is a collaborative activity! you can learn a lot from seeing how other people analyze! if you enjoy something a lot, try looking into scholarly articles on it, or youtube videos, or essays online! develop opinions also about how THOSE articles and essays etc conduct analysis, and why you might think those analyses are correct or incorrect! sometimes analyses suck shit and developing a counterargument will help you think harder about the topic in question! think about audience reactions and how those are created by the text! talk to friends! send asks to meta blogs you really like maybe sometimes

find angles of analysis that interest and excite you! if you're interested in feminist lenses on a work, or racial lenses, or philosophical lenses, look into how people conduct those sort of analyses on other works. (eg. search feminist analysis of hamlet, or something similar so you can learn how that style of analysis generally functions) and then try applying those lenses to the story you're looking at. a lot of analysts have a toolkit of lenses they tend to cycle through when approaching a new text - it might not be a bad idea to acquire a few favored lenses of your own.

also, most of my advice is literary advice, since you can broadly apply many skills you learn in literary analysis to any other form of storytelling, but if you're looking at another medium, like a game or cartoon, maybe look up some stuff about things like ludonarrative storytelling or visual storytelling! familiarizing yourself with the specific techniques common to a certain medium will only help you get better at understanding what you're seeing.

above all else, approach everything with intellectual curiosity and sincerity. even if you're sincerely curious about why something sucks, letting yourself gain information and potentially learning something new or being humbled in the process will help you grow. it's okay to not have all the answers, or to just be flat-out wrong sometimes. continuing to practice is a valuable intellectual pursuit even if it can mean feeling a tad stupid sometimes. don't be scared to ask questions. get comfortable sometimes with the fact that the answer you'll arrive at after a lot of thought and effort will be "I don't fully know." sometimes you don't know and that can be valuable in its own right!

thank you for the ask, and I hope you find this helpful!

[kinthulou]

This is all so so so true! I have had so many friends be too shy or anxious to share their writing with me because I'd shared mine first, and I'm always having to tell them that the only reason I'm so good at the writing thing? It's because I've been doing it since I was old enough to hold a pencil. Stories have been my Autistic Special Interest (TM) since I learned to read when I was two years old. All I've got that my friends don't is time and practice and I would never ever judge them for just starting out. I want to see their stories! I want them to feel encouraged and motivated to keep practicing! It's an art form!

And this is a shyness that I know super well from a different art form. My entire immediate family is incredibly talented in the music sphere. And I do mean talented--my youngest sib had no music lessons whatsoever and taught themself how to play piano and violin incredibly quickly. Middle sib picked up guitar as a teen like it was nothing. The mother unit was a stellar soprano in church choir, and the father unit, who was raised by a music teacher and so had a lot of encouragement and probably all the lessons he wanted, is not only a fantastic singer but can pick up any instrument for the first time and within ten minutes have figured out how to get music out of it. I had lessons galore. Lots of instruments. Choirs to join. All the encouragement. Almost none of it stuck. I was awful at music. Couldn't sight read music to save my life--and still can't, turns out I had an undiagnosed-at-the-time learning disability that impacts that skill--couldn't figure out my way around a string instrument, and my singing voice was so terrible I was constantly being told to stop.

Fast forward to last night, when I was listening back through a recording of a song I'd learned on ukulele last week. There were plenty of flaws in my performance, but when I listened to the vocal warm-up, in which I just sang the song a cappella to make sure my voice was good to go and I didn't need to refresh on the melody?

Fucking blew me away. You guys? Somewhere along the way I got good at singing? Like actually, legit, super pleasant to listen to, would buy an album of this stuff if it wasn't MY OWN VOICE, that kind of good????? What????? My music skills are catching up to my writing skills! I have more talent in writing than music, which is why there was a gap between getting good at writing and starting to get good at the music, but like. Just keep at it, everyone. It's just practice. Once day you'll look at your art, whatever its form, and be blown away by how far you've come. You just have to be willing to let go of perfection and give yourself the chance to try!

So earlier in art class today, someone drew a characters hands in their pockets and mentioned that hands are really like the ultimate end boss of art, and most of us wholeheartedly agreed. So then, our teacher went ahead and free handed like a handful of hands on the board, earning a woah from a couple of students. So the one from earlier mentioned how it barely took the teacher ten seconds to do what I can’t do in three hours. And you know what he responded?

“It didn’t take me ten seconds, it took me forty years.”

And you know, that stuck with me somehow. Because yeah. Drawing a hand didn’t take him fourth years. But learning and practicing to draw a hand in ten seconds did. And I think there’s something to learn there but it’s so warm and my brain is fried so I can’t formulate the actual morale of the lesson.

[couch-house]

If you've been following me for a while you already know I'm going to tell you to vote for @themetalvirus's Egghog AU in @sonic-au-collision. You know I love drawing those funny little guys. But I think it might be a good idea to actually get into why I find them so compelling! I think any good AU is in conversation with canon,and egghogs is a certified Yapper.

Let's start with our hero, Amy!

Our canon Amy can be characterized by her deep compassion and optimism. As well as how Sonic has inspired her hero crush and motivated her to go out and put that compassion to work herself!* Egghog Amy has that same compassion, but what if she had no choice in being the hero? She had no one to look up to and inspire her, just the crushing weight of necessity. An Amy put in canon Sonic's position, who relies on unceasing and perhaps inappropriate optimism, but is still worn down by the weight of the world. I like this take on her, an exploration of where "toxic positivity" can get you.

*I think the classic IDW Amy characterization is a good example of this. As well as Fleetway Amys origin story heehee

Despite the stress of it all, she still has the optimism to see the best in people and believe they can change for the better. Like, for example, her crush: Egghog Sonic.

Just like canon Sonic, Eggy is a headstrong hedgehog defined by his own moral compass and his need to have a pretty good time. But while canon Sonic is defined by his love of freedom, independence, and by his "coolness," Egghog Sonic has been raised in Eggman's trap of control. He's just as headstrong, but in the opposite direction. His adoptive family is just as important to him as canon Sonic's friends, but in opposition to the good of the world. Where canon Sonic is personally reckless to protect others, Eggy is careless with the safety of others in service to his and his family's needs. Canon Sonic is capricious and relaxed, even in the face of danger, while Eggy is restrained, emotionally stunted, and stressed at all times.

Personally, I think that Egghog Sonic's fighting style being based in ballet--associated with control, restraint, and exclusivity by wealth--opposed to canon Sonic's fighting evoking breakdancing--a sport associated with creativity, play, and its origins as an urban art--does a great job on its own of juxtaposing the two Sonics.

But as I mentioned, even with his morals and freedom in opposition to canon, Egghog Sonic still has that essential connection to the people he cares about: his close-knit (read: highly controlled) family.

Egghog Sonic's younger brother Silver has all of canon Silver's accidental dickishness and ruthlessness, but without the humbling experience of surviving in a ruined future to keep him in check. Born and raised with a silver (ha) spoon in his mouth, Eggy Silver would be killed instantly by canon Silver's upbringing. All his worst qualities have been encouraged (as opposed to canon silver facing consequences for and learning from his flaws) and Eggy Silver is a huge fucking bitch. You know when Silver mugged Tails in Rivals? Okay now imagine if he was raised to do that as a child soldier. Now imagine he gets anything he wants whenever he asks. Thats Egghog Silver. When Silver defects from the Eggpire, we see that appreciation for the world and its history grow back where it belongs. It gives a better appreciation to what motivates canon Silver's view of the world, and recreates it in a new way.

Also the irony of Mr. I Must Fight For The Future's fucked up AU version of himself being part of the cause of the ruined future.... its delicious.

Finally, the oldest brother (by like a couple months...). We all know canon Shadow's had a rough time of it RE: mind control, manipulation, having a whole game where he is asked to be everyones gofer... This is Egghog Shadow's life for a full 15 years. Gerald doesn't finish cooking Egghog, and Eggman is the one to dump him out of the tube and raise him to be the perfect chaos-weilding soldier. He makes liberal use of his ability to physically manipulate Shadow's artificial mind to keep him in line as an endlessly obedient servant. Of course, any Shadow meaningfully based in canon won't stay that way. Just as his canon counterpart breaks free from the demands of those around him to forge his own path, so does Eggy Shadow. Even in the fucking miseries, even without a Maria, Shadow is still will make the choice to walk his own path.

Well, not just his own path. Because while Shadow (esp post-06 Shadow) can be uncompromisingly independent at times, he is still often defined by his friendships. Specifically, his relationship to Rouge is given focus in this AU, being his one reprieve from the empire and ultimately his way out. Canon Shadow had Rouge and Omega by his side during some of his darkest moments and arguably that made all the difference to his arc. Their presence (yes, Omega is here too) during Eggy Shadow's suffering is all the more essential and highlights their roles in canon.

But of course, with greater miseries comes greater struggle to heal. Canon Shadow's neat freak nature gets reinterpreted as a trauma response--maladaptive perfectionism and OCD. (tbc, in the same way fan works often recognize that canon Shadow likely lives with PTSD as a result of his experiences, Egghog Shadow's OCD is presented as an appropriate consequence of the stressful environment he's been raised in.) I like this as an exploration of how Shadow handles stress and trauma, how it might change in different circumstances.

All that to say, Egghog AU is just done in such a compelling way that really grabs me and facilitates Rambling about The Parallels and such. And that I think makes for a GREAT AU. The exploration of Sonic's strong personal morals and headstrong...ness, the benefits and flaws of Amy's intense optimism and compassion, Silver's ruthlessness and meaner side, and Shadow's tendency to introspection and overcorrection... Again I say, a good AU is one that is in conversation with canon, and Egghogs is constantly talking about the fascinating conflicts created by these characters. And thats why you should vote #Egghogs4Eggver

[babejinxy]

In love with you - part 4

Pairing: Powder x fem!reader

Warnings: friends to lovers, SMUT, kissing, fluff

Synopsis: Powder had been your best friend for years, the two of you met when she was running from the cops when she and her brothers broke into and blew up an apartment in Piltover and you helped them escape. What you never imagined, is that the love of your life was always right there in front of you…

A/N: This is a fic about Powder from the alternate universe, it has nothing to do with Jinx.

🌟 English is not my first language, so I apologize if there are any mistakes.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

💙 @brocoliisscared @bbybubbles @cattjull

Gert was about to call you to a quieter, more private place when you both heard Vender's voice calling her from the bar. "Gert, I need you here, now," he said. She huffed and looked back at you, "It seems like I was missed, I'll see you later tonight? Even if it's late, Zaun never sleeps." You laughed, "Of course, I'll be here." She approached you and kissed your cheek, "See you later, beautiful."

You had barely gotten away from Gert when another guy came up to you and put his hand on your shoulder. “I thought I’d never see you again, princess.” He was very blond and slender, you had no idea who he was. He noticed your look of confusion and said, “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m Deckard, the guy who sent you the note the other day.” So it was him, he was actually kind of cute, just like you thought, but it wasn't like you were interested in him. “You didn’t show up, I was thinking that maybe your friend hadn’t given you my note.” He said as he approached you, he seemed to be already drunk.

“I was just leaving,” you took a step back to get away from him. “Oh, I understand. I’m lucky to find you here today. Can we talk?” he said, pulling you by the waist. “I thought you wanted to talk,” you said, pushing him away from you. “Oh, come on? Do you have a boyfriend?” he asked, getting closer again. You rolled your eyes and moved away from him again, “No, I don’t.” “Then what’s the problem love?”. Before you could answer, you heard Powder’s voice behind him.

“The problem is, she’s not interested right now,” she said, her hands on her hips, and you felt relieved to see her. He turned his head to look at her, “You’re the one who vouches for her, sweetheart?” he scoffed. “No, I’m the one who vouches for myself, and she’s right, I’m not interested.” He pursed his lips, “Alright, alright,” he held his hands up in surrender, “We can take this slow, how about I buy you a drink first, baby doll?”

Once again Powder butted in, this time she stopped beside you. “How about this, you go enjoy the party and spend your money on yourself, before you get kicked out of the bar.” He frowned and laughed, “And who’s going to kick me out, you? Is the bar yours by any chance?”, he said mocking her once more. “Something like that since my father owns the bar.” He wiped the arrogant smile from his lips, “Vender?!”, he said swallowing hard. “That’s it, are you going to leave her alone or will I have to call him to sort this out with you?” Once again he raised his hands in surrender, “kay, sorry to bother you,” he told you before disappearing from sight.

You looked at her, “hey,” you smiled. “Hey you,” she said, smiling awkwardly. “Thanks for that, Pow Pow.” She shrugged, “I couldn’t let him bother you”. “Good thing you showed up then, my savior,” you said laughing. “The guys here aren’t like the guys you’re used to, you have to know how to deal with them��. “It seems like you’ve learned well”. She shrugged, “I had to get by.”

Vender was keeping an eye on the two of you and decided to help out. He changed the upbeat song that was playing to a slower one and Powder looked at him. He smiled at her and made a sign to invite you to dance. Something in his gaze always comforted and encouraged her.

“Dance with me?” she asked suddenly, without thinking much otherwise she would lose her courage. You smiled and took her hand that was extended to you. She held your waist and you wrapped your arms around her neck and she led you to the music. Powder's heart was pounding inside her, she was nervous, this was much more than a dance with a best friend and the tension between the two of you proved it.

“He’s still staring at you,” she said, referring to Deckard. “Ignore him,” you said quietly. “No way,” she said, staring at him. “Why not?”. “Well, why…” she hesitated for a moment and then you interrupted her, laughing a little, “he’s the guy from the note.” She twisted her lips, “seriously?! So he’s nothing like you expected?”, she asked curiously. “Actually, I wasn’t expecting anything, but he’s disgusting.” The wind blew, making your perfume spread, she closed her eyes to smell you and then asked, “what about Gert?”.“Oh, she… well, she… she’s nice, she’s pretty, but…” you hesitated. “But?…”, Powder asked, stopping moving with you.

“But she’s not for me,” you closed your eyes and bit your lower lip, trying to hold back the tears, “all this life… all these people, this coming and going of loves in my life and I never wanted to admit that none of these people were my person, and I’m afraid of never… never finding the right person for me, that’s why I always gave myself so easily to anyone who came along and was never valued as I deserved.” Your eyes were watery, but you swallowed your tears. You took your arms off her neck and placed your hands on either side of her collarbone.

Powder brought her right hand to your face while she kept her other hand on your waist, where she pressed a little. “Y/n look at me”, she whispered in a hoarse voice. She was going to kiss you, she was finally going to taste your cherry lip gloss straight from your lips, like she always dreamed. You raised your gaze to her and in that moment looking into her eyes, with her breath mixing with yours, was the moment when everything came to the surface. Your feeling for her - that you had repressed for years - the love beyond friendship that you felt for her. In that moment you remembered that you had always been in love with her, but it was much easier to block that feeling than to live it. It was her, Powder was your person, the one you loved and would always love.

You started to feel your heart racing inside your chest, you were having trouble breathing, you were starting to have an anxiety attack. “Oh no! Powder I need… sorry, I need to get out of here.” You pulled away from her and ran away from everything.

˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁

You stopped in a dark alley away from The Last Drop and leaned against a wall to catch your breath and try to calm down from your anxiety attack. You began to cry frantically, sliding down the wall to the floor, where you buried your face in your hands. You knew it was too dangerous for someone like you to be in a dark alley alone in Zaun. But you were too panicked to be afraid of that.

You loved your best friend, in the romantic sense of the word. You realized this a few years ago, but you kept this feeling so bottled up inside you that you forgot about it. Then you realized, your fear wasn't of ending up alone, you just wanted to transfer everything you felt for Powder to someone else, that's why you had an endless list of boyfriends and girlfriends that didn't work out. It's amazing what our subconscious is capable of, isn't it?

You gradually calmed down and after the adrenaline and anxiety attack had passed, you began to notice how the night was getting colder and darker and you realized that you were in a dark alley alone in Zaun. As much as Vender had managed to control the bandits in the underground city, it was still dangerous for a Piltie like you to be there alone.

You pulled yourself together and thought it would be best to apologize to Powder for running away like that. You weren't ready to tell her how you felt about her, so you would make up an excuse for your behavior and everything would be resolved.

˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁

You went back to the bar and looked for her, but apparently she wasn’t there anymore. You bumped into Gert - who was walking with a tray of drinks in her hand - by accident as you walked through the dancing and singing crowd. “I’m sorry,” you said before realizing it was her. “Don’t worry princess, it’s just me,” she said winking at you, she leaned close to your ear, “just a few more hours and I’ll be free, you can make it up to me,” she kissed your cheek before going back to serving drinks. “Sorry Gert, not today,” you said to yourself.

You were trying to get out of the crowd when you felt someone pull you by the arm and grab your waist, you were relieved when you realized that this time it was Mylo. ​​“Hey, I looked for you everywhere, where’s Powder?”, he asked dancing with you. “I’d like to know too”, you said trying to get away from him. He spun you around and laid you down, holding your hand with one hand and the other on your back. You stood up and tried to get away from him, “Not now Mylo”, you said but he pulled you again and spun you around again. “See how great a partner I am, very attractive too”, he said boasting and then pouted to kiss you.

“I’m sure someone thinks so,” you said, turning your face away from him. “There’s not a girl at this party who wouldn’t want to be with me,” he boasted again, “but I only have my eyes on one,” he showed his teeth in a smile and raised an eyebrow at you. You pursed your lips and before you could try to move away from him again, Claggor appeared and put his arm around Mylo shoulders.

You took the opportunity and got out of Mylo's hands. "What's up Y/n? Is Mylo embarrassing himself again?" You held back a laugh, "no, he's a great dancer, but a terrible flirt." He crossed his arms and said, "she's just playing hard to get," he said convinced of it and you laughed, he was so ridiculous that it was almost funny, although Powder found it annoying. "Do you know where Powder is?" you asked finally. “She’s not here, I thought she was with you… have you tried checking her workshop?” Claggor replied. “I’ll stop by, thanks boys”.

“Hey, Y/n,” Mylo yelled behind you and you turned to look at him. “You can thank me in another way if you want, I wouldn’t mind if…”, he put his index finger to his lips and you understood what he wanted, you just rolled your eyes and went to look for Powder. You couldn’t see when Claggor slapped Mylo on the head, “oh, what the fuck is this you animal?!”, he said raising his arms. “Stop being an idiot,” Claggor replied. “Man… I don’t understand how you let a girl like Y/n climb out of your fingers,” he said massaging his head. “Powder is in love with her, you would realize if you weren’t such an asshole,” Claggor replied. Mylo curled his lips, “Powder? Seriously?”.

˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ 𐙚 ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁

You entered Powder's workshop silently, she didn't notice you. She was sitting on the couch, with her knees to her chest and her head down. She was feeling terrible and embarrassed. You probably would have realized that she loved you beyond friendship and that's why you ran away. You didn't love her that way and it scared you. Now she had ruined everything and that would shake the friendship between you.

“Pow Pow?” you said, standing behind her. The sweet sound of your voice brought her out of her dark thoughts. She lifted her head and looked at you. Your eyes were still red from crying, you smiled at her, but she was too nervous to smile back. Although your smile could fix anything.

You approached her and sat next to her. “Look, I’m sorry I left like that, it was hard for me… to admit those things,” you said with a sigh. As she looked at you and felt your scent again so close to her, you right there in front of her made her remember Vender’s voice saying, “Isn’t she worth the risk?” Then she readjusted herself on the couch, turning to face you and gathering all the courage she had inside her.

“I think it’s time for me to admit some things to you too,” her heart could explode at any moment, just like yours. “The truth is, I always wished that all those people you were with could be me… I asked myself every day, “why not me?”, but then I remembered that you love me like a friend or even a sister, and it hurt, but…”. Your heart skipped a beat with each of her words, “Powder I…”, you interrupted her, but she interrupted you back, “wait please, let me talk… it hurts knowing that I’ll never be able to have you in any other way than as a friend, but I don’t care, having you in my life in any way is already worth it. I always watch you, when you're putting on makeup or reading or studying or even when you're not doing anything because... you're beautiful and perfect and it's good to just stop and look at you... I'm sorry I kept this in for all these years, it's just that I've always been afraid of ruining what we have, I couldn't bear to be without you around because the truth is that you're the love of my life, I..."

“... love you,” you both said the words in unison. She stopped for a moment and looked at you with her beautiful, bright blue eyes. “W-what?” she asked, her voice breaking. You smiled with your eyes watering, “I love you too Pow Pow, I held back that feeling because I thought it would be easier that way… I gave my heart to so many people when I should have given it only to you, to whom it always truly belonged, now I know that.”

She smiled and laughed a little, “How stupid we are… I could have had you from the beginning”, she whispered, bringing her face closer to yours, while looking from your lips to your eyes. “I think things have their right time to happen”, you whispered back. “But we make it so complicated”, she placed her hands on each side of your face and rested her forehead against yours. You held her wrists, “well, we don’t have to do this anymore”.

“I had a dream where I kissed you, I’ve had that dream a million times,” she whispered, looking at your lips. “You can kiss me now,” you said and at the same moment her lips kissed yours and she gasped as she finally felt the cherry taste of your lip gloss on your soft lips. You two smiled into the kiss and you wrapped your arms around her neck while her hands traveled to your waist.

She squeezed you a little and settled herself on the couch, making you understand what she wanted. Still with your lips on hers, you sat on her lap and at that moment, she deepened the kiss. Powder pulled your lower lip between her teeth and then slammed her tongue into yours, taking full control of the situation and swirling your tongue around hers and then biting your lip again. You never thought she could be so dominant, but you loved it.

She put her hands under your blouse and felt your hot, goosebumps-filled skin. She squeezed your waist again and you gasped into her mouth. It was your turn to pull her lower lip between your teeth and she squeezed your sides again at the sensation. Powder held the hem of your blouse and you only stopped kissing for her to take it off your body. Before she kissed you again, she ran her eyes over your round, perfect breasts, still covered by your white lace bra.

You both smiled and you went back to crashing your lips into hers and she soon dominated it again. Her hands went up from your waist to your breasts and she placed them there, just feeling the exposed skin of your breasts. She stopped the kiss and looked at her hands on your breast, her thumb drawing circles on the top of them slowly. You bit your lower lip and she - still with her hands on your breasts - went back to devouring your already red and swollen lips.

She laid you down on the couch, getting on top of you, her tongue still exploring every corner of your mouth. She stopped the kiss and nuzzled her nose your neck, feeling your goosebumps and your scent that she loved. She nuzzled her nose slowly down to the valley of your breasts still covered by your bra and returned to your neck where she finally began to plant hot kisses on your skin, you closed your eyes at the sensation as you moaned softly and sweetly…

So, part 5?

[missbellamere]

pairing: vi x pageantgirl!reader headcanons

sfw + nsfw no specific appearance traits is assigned to reader! enjoy!

yall know me from the bait x male reader fics this is my attempt to actually contribute

sfw:

-THE pageant girlfriend: she will drive/fly with you to competitions, cheer the loudest when you're on-stage, and take photos for instagram (she's basically a trained photographer at this point)

-DOWN BAD for you when you wear your evening gown for competitions, esp the ones with high high slits

-takes and saves the pictures for later encourages you and give you SO much praise when you practice your walk in front of her for the swimsuit competition

-she insists she helps you practice interview to help hold eye contact ;)

-absolutely would bring cozy slippers and carry your 5-inch heels for you after you get offstage

-lowkey gets possessive when you get hit on by men

-but that's okay because her girl can wear whatever she wants because vi will beat the absolute shit out of those men

-people thought she was your bodyguard and they were a bit surprised to find out that you liked girls (queer pageant girl struggles...)

-would totally run a fan account and make edits of you but wouldn't tell you and people kept on wondering where the account got pics that nobody has seen before

-yall are literally the hottest it-couple

-carries your crown case, your bags, basically EVERYTHING when you go somewhere to make an appearance with your pageant title

-your pageant friends are her friends!! they keep on asking where they can get a supportive partner for themselves cuz vi is such a lifesaver in competitions

-if you don't use professional hair and makeup, vi would def try her best to do your eyeliner to make them twins

-"I CAN'T STOP LOOKING AT HER TI-T-T-T-FACE" - prob vi

-lets you put the crown on her for shits and giggles

-brings the fattest banquet of flowers to every one of your pageant finales

-SCREAMS HISTERICALLY like a crazy fan when you get called for the winner

------------

mdni

nsfw:

-she respects that your makeup can't be ruined between competitions, so she waits patiently :)

-when she gets possessive, she literally can't wait to peel that dress off of you when you get back to the hotel

-crazy noise complaints

-absolutely LOVES ruining your stage makeup with your mascara and eyeliner running down your face when she makes you cry with her strap

-your swimsuit routine practices always occasionally turns into something more...

---

a/n: deep apologies for my lack of nsfw content here but I can't come up with anything pageant specific... yet.

in honor of miss america finale yesterday!! (I'm here to say that texas got robbed because I can't say that on my pageant instagram account or else I'll get cancelled. no but seriously. this is the THIRD year in a row that 2nd place was a black woman and a blonde girl won... also texas ate all the competitions like what???)

this is my love letter to all the straight-passing and hyper femmes esp ones living in the south <3

[esta-elavaris]

Have to add my own message of hope here. I was suicidal when I was 21 - to the point where I had a plan in place, and was very close to going through with it, but the one thing that kept me around was my brother. He was the one person in my life who I could never convince myself would be better off if I wasn't around. So the "deadline" I gave myself for doing it (there was 'logic' to that deadline but I don't want to share in case I influence anybody who is currently in a bad way) came and went, and I didn't do it. And I cursed myself for being a coward at the time.

I finished uni that year, I moved home, and I decided to give seeking medical help one last shot a couple of months later, after a decade of being ignored by doctors who were all adamant that I was too young to be depressed or anxious, and I just needed "more fresh air". Sitting in the waiting room for that doctor's appointment, I nearly walked out several times, because I felt so shitty and so hopeless and I could not take being brushed off one more time.

The appointment I had, with the doctor I got by chance, saved my life. That doctor saved my life. She took one look at me and put me on antidepressants that day, and scheduled me in for weekly appointments so she could essentially keep an eye on me and give me what therapy she could while I was on the waiting list for actual therapy. Every week, I went there, and every week she listened to me and encouraged me, and tracked my progress with the meds. These appointments went on for years. This woman did save my life. Only after two years of constant appointments and constant check-ins did she allow me to just go to med pick-ups rather than appointments, when she was sure the proper therapy was working and I was doing better.

One day, around that time, I was on the bus home after I met up with friends - I'd just gotten to a place where I was able to actually manage that somewhat frequently without cancelling every time (and my friends were so patient with me in that respect and never abandoned me after all the cancellations, which they would've been in their right to do). I remember looking out the window, seeing how pretty the sunset looked, after a day of shopping and nachos with pals, and realising I was actually happy to be alive. For the first time in years. I no longer wanted to die, and I no longer even just generally didn't want to be alive (which is different from actively wanting to die.)

My mental health isn't perfect now, at 28, but I'm an entirely different person to who I was back then - and I've been through worse things now than I'd been through back then. You do get worse before you get better, progress isn't linear, you don't feel the change even really happening while it does. But one day you will sit back and be so, so grateful for what you previously labelled "cowardice" in not going through with suicide. It will happen. You have good on its way to you that you can't even imagine right now.

One of the weirdest thing about growing up suicidal is that you assume you have no future, you don’t even try to envision it because you see no point. So eventually, you start assuming everyone else sees nothing in your future either. Recently, my friend and I were talking and she said something about how at her wedding I could wear a suit or a dress as long as it matched her bridesmaid’s dresses because the butler of honor has to make a good impression. This hit me so hard because I had never realized before how other people thought about me. She said it so casually like it wasn’t even a hard decision, just a given fact. She loves me so much she saw me at her wedding, standing with her on one of the most important days of her life. And you know what? There are so many people who think about you that way. If that isn’t proof that you should keep going I don’t know what is.

[miwiheroes]

Dropping Byler Evidence Every Day Until Season 5

Day 1 - The M&Ms scene

So yeah, this scene is never really talked about that much as like actual proof, more like a funni little thing where Mike looks at Will for a moment when he walks away, but analysis of the cinematography, framing and narrative of this scene can be revealing.

First thing: as soon as El wipes her nose, revealing it was her that helped Mike and Lucas, the camera zooms in on Mike, as if to be like 'oooh wonder how he's going to react'! and the audience is then in suspense, because they're probably expecting him to smile or try to take this opportunity.

What does he do? He just says 'Thanks." And the moment of suspense is broken. It's almost like a record scratch. We will come back to this reaction later, basically because it shows that Mike really does not mind being on these terms with El.

Second thing: At first glance there seems to be 3 main characters of this scene: Mike, Lucas and El. However, Will also seems to be included in this scene unlike Max who is also there. There is no reason to have Will be in some of these shots that, I want you guys to understand, is intentional. The directors didn't just accidentally set up this frame:

They didn't just forget to move Will out the way. In this shot, the Rule of Thirds can be applied. While El and half of Mike are in the second third/ third third, both half of Mike and Will are in the same third. This is also the third on the left, which is where (in western cultures) people begin to look at images from (reading from left to right). The fact that Will looks at Mike when he says 'Thanks' is the first thing that the audience is intended to notice (because its on the left), even if it is very subtle.

It is also important to note that the writers of the show know, in this moment, that Will is in love with Mike, they've had that planned out from the start (this is undeniably canon, unlike Mike's feelings to Will). Therefore, it is interesting that they included him in this shot and the next part too:

Like?? what was the point of the directors putting him in this part? Placing him in an interactional role with Mike in a Mike and El scene is just interesting to me. Like,,,, also could Mike not have talked to El with Will there?

After Will gets up, there is this really awkwardly long part where Will goes from the left third to the right third of the screen and just stays there? Like he's still in the shot (which they can easily catch and retake if they needed to). Why do the writers/directors want you to take such notice of his presence?

Also, going back to the fact that Will has to leave for Mike to be able to talk to El. Again, the directors did not need to put Will in this scene, they could have had him doing something else. Instead, they had him there to subtly further his character arc of being selfless/being shoved away by Mike in favour of El. It's also maybe simply because Mike just can't handle having both Will and El in the same context without ignoring one for the other, because he holds them to the same romantic standard.

We see this mishandling of El and Will in the airport scene, the whole time Mike is with El in the beginning of S3, Rink o Mania, the dinner after Rink o Mania etc. Basically, when both El and Will are around, he feels like he has to get rid of Will to be able to be romantic towards El, despite being able to talk about it to Lucas. When it's just him and Will, he's pretty happy (we see this in the 'Cool. Cool.' scene and the 'Guess it's up to us again' scene which are the only two scenes in S4 where Mike believes he is no longer in a relationship with El and just thinks he needs to team up with Will and go back to Hawkins without El). Therefore, he needed Will out the way because he can't be romantic with his girlfriend with Will distracting him lmao <3

Third Thing: Lucas is the one to encourage Mike to make up with El.

To be honest, him encouraging him alone isn't really that convincing of the fact that Mike is queer coded blah blah, like, your friend is allowed to say 'That was the Olive branch! Your way in!' without it being queercoding. The queercoding however, comes with the reaction to that information.

First, I want to point to something I may bring up in the future of this series. In S1, Lucas is the first person to ever suggest that there might be something romantic going on between Mike and El. When he says "Why don't you just marry her?", Mike does not go all ooooh flustery and blushy, he does not go 'EW GROSS' like a lot of boys that age would, instead he just acts confused. Multiple times.

The first time is when he goes, "Lucas what are you talking about?" The second is in response to Lucas going "Mike, seriously?" saying "What?" again. When Lucas then teases him about caring about her, he just says "Shut up Lucas" in this really tired tone, rather than a flustered or angry one. He basically gets the idea that he probably should like El romantically, if he shows even any care towards her.

Now, throughout S3, Lucas is the one to constantly question Mike's actions towards El. He's confused on why he won't tell her the truth about Hopper, and everything else, which all culminates into this "Oh my god. You're hopeless," when referring to picking up signals about girls.

I must say this rn too: You don't pick up on signals you don't want to receive. You do pick up on signals you do want to receive. I think most of us know what it's like to have a crush. You constantly look out for little things and overanalyse their actions towards you. But Mike has no clue. Maybe because.... he just doesnt feel that way.

Okay going back to reactions. Basically, you would kind of expect Mike's reaction to hearing that his girlfriend, that he's sooooo sad about losing oh nooooo, has decided to reach out and say that she's okay with him would be excitement, right?

When Lucas is describing how he's going to let Mike talk to El, Mike looks extremely nervous, which I get. It's normal to feel nervous in this situation, but the thing is, El seems okay with him, surely he would at least have a little light in his eyes?

When Lucas has to say 'Talk to her, alright?' (as if Mike has no fucking clue) Mike nods and then there is a swell in the music, the camera zooms in on him, and instead of the music swelling to some nice, positive tones, it's almost foreboding, mimicking the mixed feelings swirling in Mike's brain. His face also kind of looks.... weird like he's unsure, or maybe he's disappointed? Nervous? idk

I would understand this to be a little romantic if he smiles, but jesus, he does not crack a single grin at this part.

It almost seems like he's deciding to do something he doesn't really want to. I think he was completely content with the fact that she helped them, but didn't want to do anything about it because he's totally fine being on good terms with her, obviously, but not necessarily on romantic terms with her. Maybe he's fine with the fact she doesn't really want to be with him.

However, after Lucas says this stuff, now he's looking over at her and thinking, wait, maybe she does want to be with me.

But instead of a:

Wow, maybe she does want to be with me! :D

It's a:

Oh, so she does want to be with me.

^basically this means Mike decides, based on his encouragement from Lucas rather than his own feelings, that he should talk to her. What can he say to Lucas here? That he doesn't want to? That isn't really an option for him.

Fourth Thing: Okay this is very small but for some reason this scene is interspersed with scenes of Jonathan and Nancy getting almost killed by the mindflayer army like???

Why would they cut from this very tense scene where these beloved characters are about to be killed to this scene between Mike and El where everything is fine!

It's like.,,,, they want the audience to be tense watching them, even if it's not directly for the right reasons. They want the audience to maybe feel the tension in the foreboding nature of the fact that the mindflayer is in the same building as them, meaning there is always some danger lurking in the background.

Okay hope you enjoyed today's byler evidence :) stay tuned for tomorrow's!

[biancadoes1]

Do other co-star couples talk about their fictional babies? Like, admit that they repeatedly discussed the name, hair colour etc to the point where interviewers asked them about it and Luke got all husband coded and says he's going with what Nicola wanted? They literally said they talked all the time about the baby's name and hair colour and not as Colin and Pen, they talked as Luke and Nicola. Like isn't this a show, based on a book, with the hair colour and name already determined from the author's story? Why were they even discussing it as if it's real? Then she had to remind them they have a "beautiful son" while they were enjoying pints in a bar, did they forget they weren't on an actual parents date night out? I think the crew and cast were probably side eyeing them a lot because why were they acting so couple-ish? Imagine Nicola telling Claudia, she and Luke want the baby to be named Elliot. I'd pay to see Claudia's reaction to that. Art imitating life? I wonder how much discussions they're having now for season 4? Like does Nicola tell him she doesn't want a governess for the baby? Or she wants a girl for the next pregnancy? If I were their S/Os I was gonna pack it up and encourage them to shoot their shots at each other because that is wild.

The fact that they discussed this in depth always had me 👀👀👀👀

[lynzishell]

Prev // Next

Transcript below the cut:

Atlas: Why are you looking at me like that? Dawn: You’re gonna be a daaaaad!! Atlas: Stop.

Dawn: I can’t help it, I’m so excited! Atlas: It’s a bit soon for that level of excitement. Can you dial it back a little, at least until there’s an actual baby to be excited about? Dawn: Ugh. Fine. But keep me updated, every step of the way.

Atlas: You and everyone else. Honestly, from now on I’m just going to send a mass text every time there’s an update. I’ve had the same conversation five times in the last three days and it’s exhausting. Dawn: I can imagine. Oh! Did I tell you Li is training to become a doula? Atlas: You didn’t, that’s great.

Li: It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, and your sister has been very encouraging. Dawn: Mayybe whoever you decide to carry your little bundle of joy would be interested in hiring her. Li: Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, I’m just starting the process. But, I can make some recommendations if needed. Atlas: Good to know. Just one question. What’s a doula?

Asher: How are things going with your dad? Phoenix: [shrugs] Fine. Asher: Yeah? Have you let him meet your family yet? Phoenix: [scoffs] Would you? Asher: Sure.

Phoenix: Of course you’d say that. Asher: What’s that supposed to mean? Phoenix: You don’t know what it’s like, that’s all. You’ve always been close with your parents. They’ve always been there for you. Your family’s… perfect.

Asher: No family is perfect, but point taken. I know I can’t fully understand, but the man is trying right? He’s been consistent, and he’s a part of your life now. Don’t you think you’re being just a little stubborn? Phoenix: [sighs] Can we talk about something else? Asher: Nah, I’m having fun with this. Phoenix: Get the fuck out of my kitchen then. Asher: So touchy. Fine… change the subject.

Phoenix: Do you think you’ll get another dog? Asher: Definitely. I was planning to as soon as Atlas and I moved into a new place, but who knows when that will be now. Phoenix: Danny keeps insisting I need to get one for Annie. For a ten-year-old, he’s very convincing. Asher: [laughs] I like him already. Phoenix: The thing is, I’ve never had a dog, or a pet of any kind. I don’t really know where to start. Asher: Now, that I can help with.

[black-crested-jaybird]

I don't know a lot about it myself. But I do know that some places run internet services providers as publicly owned utilities like power or water companies, and this is the model I would like to see become more commonplace. I would also like to see privatised utilities return to being run by cities/counties/states (whichever makes the most sense for a given area).

So for internet access in your area, I would look at how your local utilities are managed. If they are publicly owned, a place to start might be to talk to local representatives on the same governmental level about the possibility of creating a local internet utility. (If you don't have any publicly-owned local utilities, then talking to the representatives about reverting to public utilities for an existing utility is probably a better place to start.)

I live in a city, so my governmental organizations are going to look different from yours, but where I live the city manages (some of) our utilities. Our city has a mayor and an elected council of representatives from different areas of the city. They manage the way the city is run and are responsible for making any changes. We also have smaller, neighborhood-based community councils that act as a kind of delegation to the city council members and a public meeting group where city council members report to the neighborhoods about what's going on in the city that may affect them - construction, ordinance changes, social programs, and so on - and the people in the neighborhoods can tell the city council members what issues are important to them (for example, wanting a new trail, or a stoplight repaired, or local library hours changed).

What I have recently started doing, in addition to subscribing to the local newsaper, is attending my neighborhood council meetings. This helps me stay informed, and will allow me to meet some of the people who are actually responsible for running things in my community. Over time, I may work to support a project I think will benefit my community, or volunteer to serve on the board, or get more actively involved in some other way. I'm trying to pick one issue I care about and focus on that so I don't feel overwhelmed by all the things we COULD be doing but AREN'T.

Since your town is very small, I'm guessing that your local government is probably mostly active starting at the county level, so I suggest starting by looking at who makes county-level decisions and how, and whether there are any sub-county-level organizations that you could become involved with (or at least keep an eye on so you get a feel for how things work in your area).

I hope some of this is helpful, or at the very least encouraging.

Hey do y'all remember several years ago when we were all freaking out about net neutrality being overturned? Well despite net neutrality's win in 2024, a federal court just overturned it.

For those who aren't aware, net neutrality is the simple principle that companies like Verizon and Comcast should treat all web traffic equally – not pick and choose based on who is willing to pay more or who they like best. Big Tech companies obviously don’t like that – which is why they spent millions lobbying against it over the years.

Now, these megacorporations will be able to seize control back over our Internet. The likely result? Throttled access to streaming services, monopolistic pricing that cuts out competition, and a slower, walled off, and less free Internet for all of us.

And unfortunately, rulings like this will only get more common now that the Supreme Court has overturned the “Chevron deference” – giving judges, rather than qualified public servants, a blank check to toss out protections like net neutrality, environmental safeguards, or food safety standards.

When Trump’s FCC repealed net neutrality back in 2017, they gave big corporations total control over our Internet – putting free and open access at risk.

Internet providers responded by exploiting their newfound power to speed up certain websites, and slow down – or even block – others. They failed to provide crucial Internet infrastructure in rural areas, low-income communities, and communities of color. They even slashed firefighters’ Internet access during severe wildfires.

But over 126,000 people spoke out and we were able to reinstate net neutrality – until now.

The time has come again to take action: please sign this petition from Common Cause so we can reinstate net neutrality.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Fall 2024 Anime Overview: Magilumiere Magical Girls Inc.

Premise: Monsters called Kai are threatening ordinary people, and only magical girls can stop them. However, being a magical girl is no longer the domain of teenagers, and has evolved into an actual career dominated by adult women. Companies employ magical girls and send them out to exterminate Kai. Kana is having a hard time getting her first job. But when she ends up helping out a magical girl, she’s invited to become one for a small, scrappy company. There’s a lot for Kana to learn…

This was my favorite magical girl show of the Fall 2024 season- and how amazing is it we had three new ones for once! There's a lot to love about Magilumiere! For one thing, it gave me something I always crave: Adult magical girls (or magical women, though they’re called magical girls in this show). Much like how classic mahou shoujo often explores the struggles adolescence and growing up, this show uses mahou shoujo as a way to explore what it’s like to be a young woman entering the working world. Kana struggles to grow her confidence and adjust to her new job, but with the encouragement of her boss and co-workers, she discovers her own talents.

All of the magical ladies are pretty fun, with my favorite being Hitomi Koshigaya, Kana’s senpai in the work place. She’s a brash and raucous woman who loves kicking ass with shit-eating grin, she only ever wears tracksuits when she’s not on the job, she talks like a delinquent, bursts with confidence, and she’s very protective and sweet towards Kana. Basically, she’s goals, everything I love about soft hearted delinquent girls only she’s actually a grown woman this time! Wow!

But we also get introductions to plenty of other cool magical ladies, all who approach their jobs in a different way where they can learn from each other.And the women are always treated respectfully, visually and by the narrative. No jarring objectification or anything like that.

The show has a bit more of a focus on men than you’d expect, since while the magical girls fight on the front lines, Magilumiere’s engineer/tech support team are men, and the boss and his mysterious backstory is a big part of the show. However, they’re all good characters! And the show does still put a big focus on women, exploring their relationships, their development, and all the cool magical girl fights they can get into. It is so nice to see some hype magical lady fights, and rather than the unfortunate animation poor Acro Trip got, this show does pretty well with its visuals and fight scenes. The story especially lot of fun with the transformation sequences, and I love to see it.

The show also has a lot to say about corporate world, and it feels like it’s only getting started on that. From the beginning, it makes sure to contrast the way Magilumiere operates from the more cutthroat business of larger companies. The company’s boss, Kouji Shigemoto, was previously a partner in a much larger business, but seems to have left because how they were doing things didn’t jive with his ideals, and now he’s in charge of start-up where he's very focused on the best possible experience for both his employees and customers. He’s contrasted to his previous partner, who’s gone on to grow a big company that only cares about efficiency and the bottom line. His old friend doesn’t care about property damage or the feelings of the people who need help, just getting it done quickly and going on to the next job. He fires his employees casually, and doesn’t seem to care about them.

Meanwhile, Shigemoto is a very encouraging presence in his company, who checks in with his employees, talks to them, supports  them, and really respects their input. Magilumiere makes a point of avoiding property damage and finding ways to help the customer, even if it’s a lot more trouble. He describes himself as wanting to “protect” peaceful moments where they can just hang out and have fun. It may come off as being a little too worshipful of start ups, but I don’t think it’s trying to say all startups are like this. Shigemoto started his with the specific goal of being kinder to his employees and being true to his ideals, and that’s not a thing that applies to all startups. 

It's not saying anything groundbreaking so far, like it’s definitely not deeply questioning the hellscape of capitalism right now, but the message is nice, and I’m interested in seeing where it goes. The fact magical girls are privatized despite providing a life saving service is interesting, and I wonder if the show’s going to touch on this too, since it’s been implied there’s a grim origin involved. And then there's lots of a little jokes about tech companies too. The fact the magical women suck monsters up into flash drives after defeating them is honestly so funny.

The story also gives some brief shout outs to struggles real women face in the workplace—it’s mentioned there’s people on not-Twitter who mock magical girls for being “old” and just seem to want to harass and criticize them. But this hadn't really been explored in depth so far, which I’d like to see from the show. It would also be nice to see exploration of gender on the tech side of things--- like in the real world, it’s really notably male dominated. We’ve gotten some focus on one woman CEO and one girl engineer, but the gender imbalance is very much there. 

 The show disappointed very slightly by briefly throwing out that men’s magic is “too aggressive” (whatever that means?) and that’s why it’s all magical girls, which is a too-common gender essentialist explanation for women dominating a fantasy action story (see: Claymore) that has weird implications. Why can’t a lot of girls just be really good at magic? Why can’t it just happen to be a female dominated career but there are some magical boys? (And the fact the the explanation has to be like, guys are just TOO strong, TOO cool, TOO manly is like. lmao okay.) But it is a throwaway line that doesn’t ever come up again (and it does at least frame it as a ‘mystery’ they might figure out someday).

That brings me to an issue that may be uncomfortable for some viewers- Shigemoto wears a magical girl outfit while he’s working, and when he’s introduced the angle and vibe is intimidating and Kana reacts in shock and possibly fear, possibly playing into transphobic stereotypes. The next episode, however, makes it clear she’s specifically be shocked that it’s a middle aged man wearing “cosplay” at work rather than ever saying it’s the dress, the other employees are chill about it, Kana gets used to it, and the narrative moves on pretty quickly.

However it comes up in a minor way a couple more times, with Kana saying she's surprised Koshigaya worked there after seeing the boss dressed like that (Koshigaya’s response being ‘hey you decided to too! People in this company are interesting, aren’t they?’). Another magical girl doesn’t seem put off by it at all, but immediately assumes it’s business related. It is implied there’s some sort of work related origin for his cosplay and it's possibly tragic, but he does definitely enjoys the clothing (and has a nice skincare routine) and the male characters are always 100% supportive, with one of them particular often discussing fashion with him, if there should be more ribbons etc.

So yeah, YMMV over whether it crosses over into transphobia (or edges into it) but I’ve definitely seen way worse. I feel the series is mostly supportive even if it’s like “hahaha it’s a little weird right!” it’s not outright mean to him about it (imo).

The pacing may be a little slow sometimes, really wanting to cover every moment of the manga, but it’s always a good time, and there’s plenty of hype moments. The concept is so interesting and has so much potential, and I feel like the show is running with it.

The show has been unfortunately been confined to Amazon Prime, where a lot of people probably missed it, but it seems to be doing well in Japan and a second seasons already been announced, to my delight!

Over all, if you’re a magical girl fan or are just interested in a good show that explores magi-tech, working adult issues, and has some cool ladies fighting and bonding, I really recommend this one.

[malk1ns]

january 5 @ hurricanes, 4-3 OT loss

i cannot believe the season is halfway done. i can't believe i've actually written a fic for every single game, for forty-one games. that's crazy. thanks so much to everyone reading along, the comments and tags you leave really do encourage me to keep going—it's hard to work on a big project like this with no positive reinforcement! i love and appreciate you all <3

playing carolina might be boring AF but at least we got this picture of of it, hey? geno is so much bigger than sid it's truly ridiculous.

Sid isn’t very good at hiding what he’s feeling.

Zhenya knows about the narrative, how a Sidney Crosby quote is a lot of words but when you go back and actually read what he said it’s a whole bunch of nothing. That’s probably true; Zhenya doesn’t make a habit of looking up his teammates’ media spots. Answering his own questions and sitting for interviews is enough exposure to reporters, thank you very much.

But long before Zhenya and Sid spoke the same language, Zhenya was able to read Sid like a book.

Sid’s not subtle. When he wants something from you, you’ll know.

And when they’re getting ready to go out for overtime at the Lenovo Center, when Sid ducks his head and looks up at Zhenya through his eyelashes, Zhenya knows exactly what he wants.

It’s nice to catch up with Staalsy after they play the Hurricanes; frankly, it’s Zhenya’s favorite part about facing this damn team. Jordy’s waiting for them outside the visitor’s locker room after Sid is finally done with his cooldown, and they duck down a quiet hallway to chat. Partway through the conversation, Zhenya slings an arm over Sid’s shoulders, casual as anything, and smothers a smirk when Sid not-so-subtly tucks himself into Zhenya’s side.

Jordy doesn’t notice anything. He’s always been oblivious. It’s something Zhenya always appreciated about him. Kris gives them a hairy eyeball, but after so many years he knows when to feign ignorance, even if he’s far more observant than Jordy ever was.

Sid behaves himself on the way back to Pittsburgh. He keeps his hands to himself on the plane, sticking his earbuds in and zoning out on whatever podcast series he’s hooked on this month.

Zhenya taps his way through a few rounds of solitaire, nudging Sid with his knee when the plane begins its descent. When they’re deboarding and Sid makes to grab for his stuff, Zhenya bullies him out of the way, pulling both their bags down from the overhead compartment and slinging them over his shoulders.

Sid goes pink.

Their drive back to Sewickley is quiet, Zhenya navigating the dark streets carefully with one hand spread over Sid’s thigh. Sid’s parents are still in town, will be through the upcoming homestand, so Zhenya takes them up the hills back to his place, pulling into the driveway and throwing Sid’s Range Rover in park.

He crowds behind Sid as they walk into the house, dropping their bags as soon as they clear the threshold so he can get his hands on Sid’s hips, steering him to the staircase over Sid’s protests that they need another protein shake before bed.

(He refrains from making the obvious joke.)

Sid drops his feigned reluctance as soon as they get to the bedroom, turning in Zhenya’s arms and wrapping his arms around Zhenya’s neck, tugging him down for a kiss.

The first time Sid kissed Zhenya, it took both of them by surprise. It was Zhenya’s second year in the league, and not even any sort of special occasion—they’d just beaten Boston in TD Garden, a hard-won shootout on the first half of a back-to-back with travel in the slog leading up to their too-short Christmas break. He and Sid both had to do media, courtesy of Geno’s two goals and Sid’s three points, and they were the last ones in the locker room after they finally escaped to do their cooldown and get showered.

Zhenya was fumbling with his tie when Sid crossed the room, got up on his toes, and smeared a kiss across Zhenya’s mouth.

They didn’t talk about it for months. There were games to win, after all, and playoffs to push for. They were both determined to have a better showing than they had last season. It wasn’t until after they had to watch the Red Wings raise the Stanley Cup in their own building, after locker clean-out and the last media of the season, that Sid showed up at Zhenya’s door with a determined look on his face.

Their second kiss hadn’t been any more artful than the first. It didn’t take them long to get good at it, though.

Really good. They’ve taken breaks throughout the years, arguments and ego and fear of the future sending one or both of them stomping away from the relationship, and Zhenya’s seen plenty of girls stumble out of dark corners with Sid looking dazed with swollen mouths. He kisses like the world is ending, all-consuming and intense, and Zhenya’s more than happy to fall into it every time.

Sid doesn’t want to just kiss tonight, though. His hand sneaks down and squeezes at Zhenya’s dick through his dress pants, and Zhenya cants his hips forward, letting Sid grope him.

“Fuuuck,” Sid groans, pulling back and looking down between them. Zhenya follows his gaze.

Sid’s not a small guy. He’s broad, with thick arms and legs and big, capable hands, clever fingers that are adept at taking Zhenya apart. His hand on Zhenya’s dick where it’s straining at the fabric, though, looks almost small.

“Jesus,” Sid mutters, stroking a thumb over the head. Zhenya shivers as his dick twitches.

They’re clumsy as they undress, the late hour and a long, heavy game slowing their reflexes, but eventually their clothes are in a pile at the foot of the bed and Zhenya has Sid stretched out on the mattress, pinning his hands over his head with one hand around both wrists.

Sid takes a deep breath, testing Zhenya’s grip. Zhenya watches his throat bob as he swallows and tightens his thighs where they’re around Sid’s hips.

“You’re stay put,” he says to Sid, half an order and half a question, and he can see his words register, leaching into Sid’s body and dropping all the tension from his muscles.

Sid’s hard between them already, dick curving up toward his belly button and damp at the head, and when Zhenya curls his hand around it Sid gasps, craning his chin down so he can look.

Sid’s hands might be big compared to a regular guy, but Zhenya’s put his to shame, and Sid’s dick looks small in his grasp.

Zhenya knows that turns Sid’s crank, even though he’ll never admit to it. Hockey players are all the same, after all, and none of them are going to own up to getting off on their dick looking small, but Zhenya’s never needed Sid to actually say anything to know what he wants.

Sid likes how much bigger Zhenya is than him. He likes the way Zhenya’s hands span his waist like it’s dainty, the way he fits under Zhenya’s arm like Zhenya’s girlfriends used to.

He especially likes Zhenya’s dick.

Zhenya lifts up a little and shifts so that Sid can spread his legs, settling between them and rubbing his dick over Sid’s balls and shaft. Sid props himself up on his elbows, mouth open as he pants for air, hitching his hips up to meet Zhenya’s movements. 

Zhenya spares a moment for regret that they don’t have time to fuck properly until the homestand is over. Sid’s so tight, even after all these years, and sinking into him is the closest to a religious experience that Zhenya’s ever had.

He props his forearms on either side of Sid’s head, leaning down so he’s completely covering Sid’s body, pressing their chests together as he mouths at Sid’s neck. Sid always leaks so much, like the second he gets even a little worked up he’s ready to bust, which means they don’t need lube when they do this.

When they were younger, they used to get off like this every spare minute they had, sneaking off to spare rooms and rubbing up against each other until they came. It only took one instance of having to misappropriate a fancy hand towel in Billy Guerin’s guest bathroom for Zhenya to start carrying around a handful of tissues in his back pocket for quick clean-ups.

They usually take their time now, luxuriating in the privacy of their own homes and the improved technique that comes with experience, but sometimes Zhenya likes to make it quick and dirty, likes to get Sid panting and begging for dick underneath him.

Zhenya can’t give it to him tonight. The waiting will make it better when they have time, though.

Sid’s getting close. His thighs are trembling where they’re locked around Zhenya’s waist, and he’s tossing his head back and forth, little uh-uh-uhs pushing from his chest as he arches his back.

Zhenya pushes himself up a little and rests his hand on Sid’s neck, curling his fingers and pressing his thumb to the hinge of Sid’s jaw. Not much, not enough to actually do anything, but his hand looks enormous at Sid’s throat, and when he increases pressure the tiniest bit, Sid gasps and comes with a shout.

He’s still shivering through his orgasm when Zhenya drags his dick over Sid’s groin, smearing come into his pubic hair, and groans as he finishes on Sid’s stomach.

“Damn,” he says, rolling off to one side. Sid tucks them together, yanking Zhenya’s arm until his hand is splayed low over Sid’s belly.

It’s sticky and kind of gross. Zhenya rubs their come into Sid’s skin, ignoring Sid’s protest.

His hand really does look huge on Sid’s body. Normally he doesn’t think too much about it; he’s aware of how tall he is, how big his dick is, and those facts on their own don’t do much for him. He’s happy to go along with what Sid wants—seeing Sid get off on something is what gets him hottest.

Sid’s a grower, though, and when he’s soft Zhenya can cover his entire groin with his palm.

Sid grunts as Zhenya fondles him, wincing and over-sensitive, but Zhenya ignores it, rolling Sid’s balls in his fingers and palming his soft member.

Yeah, he sees the appeal.

[thesun4ndthestar]

•Stargazing•

Regulus was sitting on a bench at the end of the shore, looking at the stars, drowning in that familiar feeling of comfort he used to get when he was still a child, stargazing with his brother.

His mind in the last few weeks was restless.

As Sirius did when he was younger, Regulus had just escaped the nightmare that was his home, and now he was living with his brother’s best friend and, of course, his brother.

He couldn’t resist the tears that started falling from his eyes when thinking about how he had just betrayed his parents. The same people that he always hated, the people that ruined his childhood, that never supported him. The same people that encouraged him only when he did what they strictly wanted, the people he was growing to please with whatever they wished him to do. All things that he never really wanted to do, but always did feeling the urge to meet some expectations, their expectations, that were actually unattainable, too high to meet for anyone with at least a little bit of humanity.

“Is everything alright?” someone asked him sitting beside him on the bench.

“What are you even doing here, Potter?” he replied coldly.

“I saw you sneak out, I knew something was wrong so I followed you.” James replied giving Regulus one of his smiles, for which every girl (and non) in Hogwarts immediately melted after seeing.

“Neve heard of something called privacy?” Another tear escaped Regulus’ eye.

“That’s is hardly a thing while living with Potters and you should know that since you’ve already spent a month with us. Besides you’re crying.”

“No shit, I didn’t notice, smartarse.”

“Is that Regulus up there? Sirius taught me a bit about stars.” James asked trying to change topic, not minding the insult he had just received from the boy next to him.

“Yes, it is.” Regulus replied, his eyes up again on the night sky.

“Aren’t you cold? You don’t seem to be wearing anything warm.” James asked worryingly.

“Asks the one that’s in his pyjamas and a jumper.”

“Hey, don’t be mean! At least I have a jumper on!” said that, an idea flashed in James’ mind and he started talking off the jumper. “Here, take it, I don’t want you catching a cold.”

“If I take it, you’ll be the one catching a cold.”

“Since when do you care about me, Reg?”

“I don’t, and it’s Regulus for you.”

James smiled as Regulus reluctantly took his jumper. They spent almost two whole hours stargazing and making small talk, which both of them actually hated, but every time James tried asking something more deep to the younger one, he frowned and scolded the older saying “too personal, you don’t have to know”. What both didn’t realise though was that even the smaller questions such as: what’s your favourite colour? or do you have a favourite pen? or also what kind of music do you listen to? made them get closer, more than Regulus would have liked if he realised, but less than how James secretly wanted.