#issues at the time god that was weird life is so weird that’s so crazy oh my god anyways. smoking bong in a bathtub what could be wrong with

[milo-is-rambling]

If I’ve gained nothing good from my med increase at the very least I have stopped picking the skin on my lips to the point that I no longer dry enough patches to actually pick at. I am calling this a win. Also my med increase has been good in general but yknow. Life .

[absolutedestinyapocalypsse]

i love how as you read more into tlt, the ninth house seems more and more normal. Like if i'm at an immoral evil government competition, and i use human fat as soap and animate skeletons to do menial labor, i'm gonna LOSE if my competition is the third house, represented by ianthe "who HASN'T eaten human flesh and fucked a corpse" tridentarius. My weird skeleton thing seems normal, suddenly. Well-adjusted, even. It's recycling. They're using resources in a sustainable way. Normal and regular and productive for a post-climate change apocalypse universe.

People go on and on about how Muir drops you into gtn hearing from the person who knows the least about whats happening, and does not hand hold the reader through the crazy shit that occurs, and that's all true. It truly is a crazy writing decision to make your first pov character come from the universe's equivalent of amish fundamentalists. But the reader is actually done a huge favor being dropped into the ninth house first, because we already understand that space is cold and what catholic nuns are, and what goths look like, and what lesbians are. Very little time is wasted in the first chunk of gtn ripping hair out of your head wondering what the fuck is going on, because for all of its strangeness, the ninth house is already the most familiar thing we're gonna get.

Because THEN we learn that this whole universe's medieval chivalry system is designed to groom people from CHILDREN to not only be exploited and used as human batteries for necromancers, but to LIKE it. to wax poetic about it. to confuse it for love, to write fucking academic papers about it! Then we learn about planet flipping, an act so horrific and violent it turns the planet's soul into a massive vengeful monster capable of killing GOD. Like what do you MEAN the animals "change"? Is this why noodle has six legs? I would MUCH prefer to wear skeleton makeup and repent forever if the alternative was to witness my family dog grow TWO EXTRA LIMBS because the planet he lived on fucking died. Suddenly, living in the asscrack of a planet where no light gets in seems like a sweet deal when the whole solar system is lit by a sun that MAKES YOU GO CRAZY. The ninth house's WORST sin, killing 200 babies to make Harrow, a waste of resources and an act so terrible it haunts Harrow for the entire span of her life, is like a BLIP compared to the death count Jod's empire. God even hears about it and he's like, no big deal! The cohort probably kills that amount of people in a DAY.

And its ALSO tragic because you realize that all of this trauma and abuse that Gideon goes through is not really because of the ninth house at all. It's really just an individual skill issue that she wasn't treated with compassion. Nobody hated her because she's jesus or a bomb, nobody even KNOWS she's a bomb. It's just Priamhark and Pelleamena being deeply guilty and scared people that motivates her treatment, and absolutely nothing else.

They did something bad, and they know it, and Gideon survived it, and they can't kill her to cover it up, and that's IT. They killed themselves for pride, because they were afraid of the consequences of their actions (both the baby killing and Harrow opening the tomb) coming back to bite them. You can argue this is the catholicism of it all, and I wouldn't say you're wrong, but compared to the cavalier system, where exploitation is in the very lining of the house's institutions, the ninth house is really removed from the space empire's blood factory. This is compared to the fourth house where they have tons of children to be CANNON FODDER to join the cohort at fucking 14, compared to the eight house uncle nephew fuckery, even the fifth house which actually does seems nice to live on but also seems to have the fourth house in some sort of fucked up political bear hug??? (maybe the fourth house has so many kids in order to fight the fifth's battles? which is EXACTLY what jod's whole empire is about; politely stirring your tea and acting nice while you destroy everything) compared to ALL OF THAT, the cruelty that Gideon faces is really more a bug of the ninth's system than a feature.

There's nothing baked into the culture and everyday life of the ninth house that necessitated that cruelty; in fact, for such a pragmatic and resource-scarce place, it's WEIRD that a strong able-bodied young person was treated like a waste of space and resources. It could just have easily not happened, if Harrow's parents had been different people. Maybe they were products of their environment, but so was Harrow, and she values Gideon's life SO MUCH that she'd literally rather carve out parts of her own brain than exploit her. Gideon grows up knowing really NOTHING about cavaliers, so remote from the horrors of the empire that she develops an idea of what the cohort is from porn magazines. And in a lot of ways, that upbringing was desolate and terrible, and in a lot of other ways it literally DID NOT HAVE TO BE.

Gideon's MAIN THING is that she wants to be useful, to be needed, to be loved and it SUCKS that she couldn't even get it in the one place where she was actually an invaluable resource, where the death empire had the weakest reach. Gideon can't even blame her lack of love on the fucked up chivalry system like everyone else can because it JUST WASNT REALLY RELEVENT!?!?! This is like if i rolled up to the trauma competition and everyone else was raised in a nuclear warzone by wolves or something and i grew up in like, the suburbs and was raised by teachers and i somehow STILL WON. truly what the fuck guys.

[nemesyaaa]

pygmalion au // rafe cameron x reader

summary ; “ you love someone you can shape, who has no will to escape. ” artist!rafe x muse!reader.

warnings ; unsafe feelings. slight of angst. smut. kind of fantasy/magic. art glorification. attachment issues. innocent!reader. fear of losing somebody. first time. rafe being a lost boy. dubcon. pygmalion' weird story. toxic!rafe. mentions of drugs. oral (m. receiving). p in v. insecurities. praising. artist hands appreciation. minors DNI.

author's note : 3,5 k words for this. one-shot. also a lot of tummy appreciation (tysm @shawtycoreee 🫶🏿). out of the smut, i tried to write it so poetic 😭🤟🏿

— “ wrap me up, enfold me. i am small and needy. warm me up and breathe me. ” breathe me by sia.

it was alone and late at night that rafe cameron began to create you, not really knowing at the time he started his art what work you would produce. he only cut the stone with his hands. before forming your body, he fantasized about it internally, not really knowing what a woman's anatomy actually looked like. you were like a crazy dream he was trying to sort out, a fantasy he was trying to make real. he sculpted with his straight calloused and tired hands, manipulating the fragile and sensitive material with precision.

he hated doing badly, but it was what he did best. as he worked, he sank into his own fascination. you were magnificent, no, you were divine, the glorious treasure from his hands. it was scary and breathtaking. he had never done anything so beautiful, never created anything so charming. you had this firm, seductive chest, completely bare and hard, the movement of the stone making your belly round and chubby. you were carved in marble, an inanimate statue that had found favor in the eyes of his creator.

when he had finished your face,

he had been amazed but above all frightened by what his fingers had achieved. he had given shape to your lips, your nose, your mouth and your eyes. and now that you had a look, it was like you were confronting him. because now that you had pupils, you could look at him too, you could judge him too. you could be as superior as him, but also equal to his worth.

you were his most beautiful work of art, literally his ethereal and angelic muse. and above all, you made him nervous. not only were you realistic, but you were a woman, you were like one of the goddesses from greek mythology, completely naked.

it was unexpected, but he had knelt before you, before your altar, on his legs and his hands. he was so white and desperate like a lost sinner having only his god to pray and glorify in order to survive.

you had seen his lips part in a prayer, his mouth tighten in a whisper. and you had ears, certainly made of stone, but you had heard it. you had heard his wish lost in the void. yet he had nothing of a believer, you could hardly imagine this man on the benches of a church, but you were also cruelly incapable of seeing and understanding who he really was.

when he stood up, you felt his hands on your skin, the coldness of his ring, but also the awkwardness of his touch. you could tell it was the first time he touched someone intimately, because he didn't really know where to put his hands but he also didn't know how to touch you without destroying you.

rafe cameron was not a god. he could break anything he touched. and maybe that was why he was so nervous and pathetic. you belonged to him now that he had created you so he refused to lose you without even knowing you.

he had hoped that god would make you a real woman, because you were perfect, too sublime to be just a piece of stone.

he didn't need to pull himself up to reach you, he was much taller, more intimidating in terms of size. he could lift you up and control you with just one hand.

you looked so alive so why, why did he only hear one heartbeat in the room? why was he alone breathing in this cold and empty room? why did you only have life in appearance?

you could feel in his look that he was questioning, that he was troubled, that all the beauty of his blue eyes was overwhelmed. but you had also felt his face so close to yours, his breath fanning across your molded lips. he had been hesitant, but his mouth had finally found yours.

and you surprised yourself by loving the taste of his pretty lips, but above all by being able to touch it.

and it was like that kiss had been real enough of how he felt about you that god had decided to give him a chance.

you had sensed all the ivory of your body, of your muscles, becoming sublimely gorgeous, all your stone beauty becoming human and alive. as if his devotion had allowed you to be free and to exist.

when he felt your mouth melt on his, he pulled back in fear. you weren’t supposed to be real even if he wanted you to be. since when did statues come to life?

"oh fuck, what's going on here?... i think i'm going crazy...all that fucking coke…”

“you created me.” you replied, slightly hurt by his reaction because he was supposed to be happy.

"no, you're not supposed to be alive. i mean, you're art, you can't be human."

“i’m human!” you contradicted, stepping forward from your marble base.

rafe wasn't sure if it was a nightmare or a dream. but his gaze was anchored on you, he couldn't take every inch of his eyes off your body. he was magnetized by your magnificence.

you came just close enough to take his hand and place it against your chest. “don’t be cold to me. don’t leave me. what would i do without you? you can't reject me. you need me. ”

maybe that was the game changer for rafe cameron. because he had just understood that since you were his, you belonged to him, you were entirely dependent on him. you couldn't escape, and above all, you had no desire to.

he could do what he wanted, you were like a doll created to respond to the slightest of his favors without ever complacent. you were not only perfect but unimaginable.

” be on your knees for me.”

and the next second, you were staring at him waiting for another order.

"mmh...i know your body by heart. i shape all of this. but you have never seen mine. no worry, i'm going to fix that, okay? you're going to please me tonight and not make me regret 'have given you life?”

you nodded in agreement and he smiled because you were too innocent, too sweet for someone like him. he had unzipped his pants, making them fall to his legs like his boxers.

and it was the first time you saw a naked man in front of you, but it was also fair for you because you had no clothes. “let me help you…” he offered with a smirk. his thumb had rolled over your lips, creating a slight slit between them. “ you need to open that pretty mouth wider...” he added, taking advantage of your vulnerability to use you.

"you know it will only hurt if you don't relax. so don't be tense. because even if it's big, you're gonna take it, doll. not gonna be easy on you because it's your first time. show me what you can do baby, let me feel how grateful you are for your creator. "

he had pushed his tip against your lips, forcing his way into your mouth, making you open bigger to accommodate his cock in your cavity. it was new to you, and you weren't even sure if you could satisfy him because it was the first time you had done something like that, and especially used your mouth in that way.

you thought this area was used to create intimacy between people, not to do dirty things.

“baby, i really appreciate how sweet you can be, but don’t let me do all the work…” he had scoffed. and your heart skipped a beat when he shoved himself further in your mouth, so much so that you felt him hit the back of your throat, all the speed of his harshly strokes leaving you breathless.

you choked on his movements, saliva pooling and dripping between the corners of your enlarged lips. “that’s what happens when you don’t do your part of the job properly…” his tone was falsely accusatory as you couldn’t catch your breath from his pace. he had no pity, you had turned on him too much. and to fix it, he blamed you by harassing your throat with his fat cock.

"but since you leave me no choice, let me show you how to be a good girl for me..." he had plugged your nose, pinching it hard, forcing you to take him entirely, without being able to breathe. his length swallowed in and out, your tongue barely able to support his weight which grew as he bullied your lips.

you belonged to him so he didn’t care if he ruined you a little. he told himself that he would repair you.

he released your nose when he felt you were about to pass, with a sadistic giggle. your eyes were wet with tears. “oh baby, don’t give me that look, you’re wasting your time, i don’t feel pity. ”

you continued to pump him until your jaw arched tighten and become more tense. he pulled out for a moment, spitting in your tongue, before using your throat again. his grunts were frantic and rapid, hot breaths in sync with the pornographic sounds that emanated from your sucking. his large palm was wrapped around the back of your neck, controlling your posture. “ give me that sweet eyes again, and i will make them cry.”

he took so much pleasure in watching you swallow him hard, grunting every time he entered your throat hoping to relax it but causing the opposite effect. "'ot finished. take those balls too." he had pulled back to lift his painfully throbbing dick and place it against his stomach, you had started to lick them, letting your tongue work the entire surface, coating them with saliva. "feel? how full they are. they're gonna stuff you real bad. " you sucked on them when he pushed them directly into your mouth, making him let out throaty sounds. your mouth felt so good, he wondered if your pussy would be just as her.

between your legs, it was completely soaked. your sloppy slit dripping onto the floor. it wasn’t like rafe was ignoring that mess. he was just purely mesmerized by your lips, by the way you cupped his balls so well, and how his cock reacted to each of your licks.

you were definitely his best work. it was more than art, it was heavenly. he was incapable of not using you after creating you. he had his urges, and you had to respond to them.

he had started fisting his length, leaving you lapping at his genitals dangling above your face. the cum had gushed through the air, landing on you. he had rubbed his trailing tip on your cheeks, giving a new color to your skin.

he wondered if you were human enough to feel all this degradation. in a short movement, he had placed you in front of the standing mirror of the workshop, and had driven his body against yours. he spat into his hand before jerking off a little, pressing the head of his cock against your sticky dirty folds.

he placed his arm across your stomach, one hand gripping one of your breast, pressing it more firmly once lodged inside you and grunted as he felt how tight you were, how hard your pussy stretched in his path. thanks to the mirror, he could see each of your reactions, but above all, see your part pumped each of his inches. all his size had disappeared between your flowing walls.

your twitching cunt clenched around his girth, your canal squeezing him. his thrusts were merciless, burrowing into your soiled folds. rafe rocked his hips roughly, as his dick bullied your puffy core. he wondered how a loser like him could have created a goddess like you. and he was desperate to know if he could make you stupid, if his cock that destroyed and filled you was good enough for someone like you.

you had created a mess and frustration in him.

he was in love with the bouncing flesh on your tummy against his arm, your tits swaying when you took him. it was a grace.

he reached out and hit your spot every time he buried himself inside you, his face sank in your left shoulder. you could feel the strands of his hair against your skin, his mouth against your collarbone. you were his, he was fucking you like this. you were only alive when he touched you. you could feel his obsession and adoration in every thrusts, no matter how brutal they were. it was his way of showing you that you couldn't escape him and that you could never.

his rhythm was hard, as your pudgy tummy jiggled under his strong fingers who were digging into you. you were so giddy, fucked like a ragdoll not able to said if it was the butterflies that make your stomach spiraling, or that thick dick shoved inch by inch further into your messy slick. his other digits at your clit, massaging the small and eager bud. he was big enough to maneuver you and embraced your small frame with his muscular biceps.

you were too little, too fragile underneath him.

he was your creator, he gave you air but he could also take it away from you. you were completely dependent, not only you, but every crumb of your body. he was pounding into you with the inability to detach his cock from your fluffy pussy. he loved hearing your voice choked with tears and moans against his ear. it was a sweet melody, a symphony.

your body was perfect, straddling his, your skin slapping his. your lips gurgling around his fingers that you could no longer take without dropping them, because of his violent assaults. you drooled all over your mouth, struggling with the drool that splashed all over his hand.

you couldn't see anything anymore, it was blurry. you didn't even feel tired anymore, you felt like a stupid doll, unable to think and reflect, only able to take this cock nastily harassing you and stretching you violently.

with his muscular and heavy hand on your throat, he forced you to look at the mirror. there was something incredible and perfect in his hands, and you knew it from the moment he started sculpting you. they were so good and incredible, covered with veins that systematically bulged. they captured your belly fat well. “don’t hide this from me. it’s my property.”

he had harpooned your flesh between his fingers, making it move and hang down more as he fucked you senseless.

“if i shaped you like that, that meant i wanted you like that.” your tummy was caged in his grasp. “ i mean, look at that belly, it's all beauty, i swear.”

he had moved his hand to the lower part of your stomach, pressing that area of your skin, feeling his bulge farther in you. in this corner of the room, there was only you and him, only your whimpers against his fingers and the pleasure you felt. there was only this mirror that stared at you and reflected you in the darkness with the only light of the moon as a beacon.

you were divine, you had the perfect body of a goddess. and even having cum with you, even causing your third orgasm, he didn't want to pull out. it was as if he was afraid of the emptiness he expected after this. and maybe you too were dreading the emptiness inside you after he filled you up so well, your soaked pussy dripping with his cum, drooling all over the floor.

he had finally taken it out, his fingers entering you to collect his mixture and place it against your lips. “don’t let it go to waste.”

you had cleaned his fingers until they were pure again.

he had his eyes on you, like a human in front of art.

he still didn't realize. but he refused to let you escape. but it wasn't like you could. he had created a home here, all over this room and in you. he had established a domain in every inch of your skin. he only had to see you to know that you were his own creation.

you kissed him, slightly awkwardly but he made up for it with his mouth on yours. “you can’t abandon me.” he whispered. “i don’t want to abandon you.”

and it felt good to hear your words. you didn't know him well enough, or not really, to know how sick he was. but you felt grateful that he gave you life, because it was priceless. he had made you, and you were his.

“ what are you doing?” when you felt chains encircling your wrists, you weren’t sure if you liked it. "i really want to believe in you sweetheart but i also can't trust anyone. you have legs, you can run away from me but with this metal, you're stuck.”

“i don’t really like it…” you admitted and he replied “no one likes it but the difference is that you don’t really have a choice either. you're mine. your feelings, your body, your eyes, all of that is mine. even that pouty sweet face of yours. ”

you turned your head to let him know that you didn't appreciate it, and to give him the silent treatment. and he smiled. “it doesn't kill me, baby. you can pout. ”

you didn’t respond. "you really want to give me this treatment? maybe you really don't want me to be nice to you after all..."

he had smiled. “"okay...I'll give you what you want." he had disappeared for a few minutes before coming back with an object that you couldn't identify. " what is this ? "

"now, baby wants to talk...but it's a little too late, i'm making the rules here so...say hello to your new favorite toy. it's a gagball.”

you didn't feel it was useful until the ball went into your mouth and stopped you from speaking. you could only drool and grumble around the object.

"why that face, baby? that's not what you wanted? i swear you still look pretty. just quieter. i'm going to go to sleep. and tomorrow you'll show me how sorry you are for that attitude. you want to know if i would forgive you? maybe it would be too easy, you understand? you have all night to prepare excuses and they better please me because i can be even more creative than that to punish you. “

the next day he woke up in a good mood. and above all, you were always there.

he had picked up the bottle of water from his table, wondering if you were thirsty. but when he arrived in front of you, he changed his mind. he used it to wake you up.

"i'm so clumsy...sorry, baby." but there wasn't an ounce of regret in his voice so you knew he was joking. you learned to read his face.

“you know how sorry i am…” he added, facing your gaze.

“you’re not…”

"yes, right. such a clever baby. are you thirsty?”

" yes..."

“maybe if you show me how good and nice you are today, i can consider bringing you another bottle.”

"what do you want..."

“it’s not what i want, sweetheart. but what you will do to satisfy me. see the small difference ? ”

it had been several weeks, a month in fact, since the day of your creation. you had spent your time in this workshop, chained to this wall. you were only alone when rafe left, when he left you in the shadows.

in fact, he was clearly having fun with you. you were dependent on his affection, and he knew it. you reacted to the slightest attention he gave you, even the most mean and bad. but above all you were incapable of hating rafe cameron.

he had made you a magnificent creature, a living human, you would be even crueler than him if you hated him.

after all, you were his muse. he had the right to use you. that was also the thought he had drilled into your brain.

everything he did was for you. and you should be grateful.

but sometimes he wondered, if he killed you, would you come back to life? was there magic in you or was he just in a fucking wonderful dream? he did enough coke to get high for days but this time it lasted too long for it to be fake.

your relationship was strange because sometimes you felt loved, especially when he hugged you after being rough with you, his palm gently caressing your back. like any human, there was tenderness in him. he could be nice. he knew how to be one but that didn't mean he enjoyed being one. he just thought that if he was too mean, you would disappear.

and that was not something he could tolerate. during all this time spent with you, he had not learned, no, he had not succeeded, to live without you.

artists brought art to life, but art gave meaning to the artists' lives.

before you, he was alone.

he had prayed for you. he needed you. it was his final call.

rafe cameron fell in love with you before he created you, before he even imagined you.

and maybe that was why he was so mean to you, because he never knew love, so how can you blame him for not knowing if you loved him back or make fun of him?

he was pathetic, full of rage and violence. but you couldn't hate him, because you and him shared the same tears. the same pain.

he made you, and you made him. he was afraid and you were scared. you wanted someone to love you, and he wanted someone that could love him.

“ i swear, y/n. don't leave me alone. even when you looked away, you make me feel like a monster when i'm not. so please, do the same as me. ”

“ what ? ”

“ don't make me feel like somebody else exists. i'm the only world you can live in. ”

[hannieehaee]

18+ / mdi

content: newbf!mingyu, afab reader, first time having sex together, smut, oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, etc.

wc: 1714

a/n: not proofread and written within fifteen mins if there's continuity errors no there's not</3

masterlist

"you're such a coward."

"you haven't had sex yet? you!?"

"i can't believe you're pussywhipped but without the pussy."

these were only some of the many insults and quips mingyu's friends had thrown at him in the past month or so since he began dating you.

after grueling months of finding himself stuck in the friendzone (which, admittedly, he knew was simply a social construct created to– anyways), he finally grew the balls to ask you to go on a date with him. that date became two and three and four and very soon after it became an official relationship.

surprisingly to all those who knew mingyu, he was treating this relationship differently than his usual relationships. he believed this to be the real deal, which was something he was quite vocal about. sure, he was young, but he never would've broken up the friendship he had struck up with you at the beginning of the semester if he wasn't sure of how strongly he felt about you. and god, did he feel very strongly about you.

mingyu was unable to pinpoint exactly what it was about you that had driven (and continued to drive) him so crazy. and by this he meant that he could not pick one singular thing about you – there were just far too many things that made you the perfect girl.

so, yes. mingyu did not rush things as he usually did. he also did not treat this relationship casually in any way as he had previously done with former girlfriends. he saw a future with you, which terrified him �� and by association, you terrified him.

that was really the crux of the issue.

his fear of scaring you away or fucking things up led him to feeling paranoid about his every move. was it too much when he sent you good morning messages every day? did it bother you how often he hugged you? did you feel put off by the fact that he had already told his family about you? and then the most worrisome of all ...

was he moving too fast or too slow when it came to your sex life together?

the two of you had shared a few kisses already, with some occasionally growing a bit too steamy for mingyu to consider innocent. however, mingyu always somehow managed to put a stop to it before it went too far, being far too scared of you feeling pressured by him. you never showed any displeasure or annoyance at him pulling away, so he assumed that he was doing the right thing in preventing things from going further.

unbeknownst to mingyu, you were going just as insane as he was, but for entirely different reasons. what he believed to be lack of annoyance or displeasure was actually you putting up a fake front as your boyfriend denied you yet again.

at first it didn't make you feel bad. you understood why he'd want to take things slow. this relationship was perfect in all regards thus far, so taking things slow only made sense. however, after the tenth time of mingyu physically pulling you off his lap and muttering something about his mom calling him, – despite no ringing nor vibrating from his phone – you were starting to feel quite insecure.

you knew mingyu to have had extensive sexual experience before meeting you, so you knew the issue didn't lie in his libido. it must've been a you issue.

did he not want you? was he rethinking the relationship? was it weird for him to transition from friends to more? you were out of answers and simply just frustrated.

unfortunately, a girl could only take so much, leading you to an ultimatum.

you had orchestrated a plan for tonight. if mingyu pushed you away once more, you'd finally confront him about it, and if not, you'd be happily fucked by him. either outcome would leave you satisfied.

~

"hey, how was schoo- hmph!"

okay, maybe you hadn't truly orchestrated any plan. your planning had begun and ended at the thought of simply jumping mingyu as soon as he opened the door, which was exactly what you did.

his arms wrapped around you, taking him a few moments but ultimately letting himself be consumed by your kiss. surprisingly, he even pressed you up against the door upon closing it after your entrance, large frame taking over your own.

you managed to make him zone out for a good five minutes before he eventually pulled away with a gasp, having barely realized where he had put his hands and what his hips were beginning to do against your own.

"fuck, wait, i- i'm sorry, i shouldnt have-"

"but why not?", you groaned at the interruption. okay, not your greatest moment.

"i, what? i don't want to pressure you. we don't have to-"

"but what if i want it? why would you think i feel pressured when- when i'm the one who keeps throwing herself at you?"

he blinked at you, dumbfounded, "i- you- you want to- to have sex? it's only been a month, i didn't want you to feel like you had to, you know, and it was just easier to pull away before i got too into it. fuck, i'm sorry."

you felt beyond embarrassed by how forward you'd been only to end up at rejection once more. but you felt even more embarrassed at the quick effect mingyu's consideration towards you had on you.

"no, god. you don't have to apologize. i should've asked, i should've-"

"no, baby, stop," he decreased the distance between you once again, "i should've asked you instead of pushing you away. did i make you feel like i didn't want you? fuck, that was the last thing i wanted. i want you. so embarrassingly bad. the guys keep calling me pussywhipped for how much i talk about you, uh, even how much i thirst after you," he finished his short speech with a more bashful tone.

"really?", you giggled, "pussywhipped?"

"baby, don't mock me right now," he groaned.

"no, i just mean ... how can you be pussywhipped if you haven't even had my pussy?", you leaned up and whispered against his lips.

"i- that's what jeonghan said, actually-"

"you wanna think about hannie right now?"

he shook his head dumbly, "no, no, keep talking."

"how about we stop talking and you go back to kissing me?"

he needed no further instruction, locking your lips once more, with even more passion than before. this time around his hands were not shy in their feeling up of your body, nor were his hips in their humping against yours.

things moved quite fast after your short-lived confessions, leading to mingyu carrying you over to the couch and sitting you down on the cushions, lips making their way down your body as his hands undressed you bit by bit.

"you want me pussywhipped, baby? just wait ...", he practically growled when you were finally down to your tank top and panties, licking you through the thin fabric before pushing it to the side and allowing his tongue to plunge in.

"g-gyu ... fuck, just like that ...", you sighed as your hands went down to his hair, pulling at it as he licked into you.

he kissed and licked and sucked until your eyes rolled back and your hips lost control of themselves, grinding into his face with apologetic whines of his name.

"no, baby, keep going. you can grind on my face, pretty. use me however you want," he mumbled as he kissed at your upper thighs, head burying itself back in hour cunt immediately after.

"tastes so fucking good, baby. prettiest fucking cunt ... can't believe i waited so long to have this tasty pussy," he groaned between licks.

mingyu was insatiable in the way he ate you out, moaning against you as if he were the receiver of the pleasure. his hands aided your hips in grinding against his face, creating a rhythm that followed his own. this was how he got you to your high embarrassingly quick, encouraging your cries of his name with his own groans of delight into your cunt.

it took you a few moments to catch your breath, feeling completely exhausted at the way in which mingyu had quite literally snatched your soul along with your orgasm. in the meantime, mingyu got up and undressed himself, leaving his boxers and your tank top as the only articles of clothing remaining. you took care of that issue yourself, throwing off your top as you stared up at him while he stood in front of you, cock almost at eye level with you.

making grabby hands at him, you dragged him down, allowing him to lay you down and hover over you on the couch, cock immediately humping against your cunt while his lips found a home on your tits.

his constant praise of your body and cunt was quite colorful, making you feel far too affected by his words and feeding into his compliments.

"you're the prettiest thing. do you even know how badly i've wanted you? it was so hard holding back every time you'd kiss me," he pouted whilst repositioning himself, pushing his boxers down his legs, "always wanted to just lose myself in you and never come back."

"baby, can i?", he asked once his cock was free and lining up against your swollen cunt. a simple nod was all it took for him to finally push his way inside, groaning into your neck at the feeling.

the intrusion felt delicious, making you throw your head back in utmost pleasure and cry his name in a way that had him mumbling something about how you must've wanted him to cum immediately.

finding your g spot almost immediately, mingyu took full advantage, gripping your thighs tightly in order to ensure hitting that spot until he had you dragging your nails down his back.

"are you almost there, baby? fuck, need you to cum with me, angel, okay?", he murmured into your ear, speed of his hips losing all finesse.

"i'm there, g-gyu. just ... my clit? please?", you pleaded.

mingyu made the grave mistake of listening to your pleas, hand coming down to rub at your clit without realizing the tightness of your cunt would only destroy him even further. but despite that, mingyu persisted in his task to make you cum, bringing you to your high just moments before claiming his own.

he settled against you on the couch once you were finished, pecking your lips softly before nuzzling against you.

"are you pussywhipped yet?", you asked as you turned to cuddle into his chest.

"oh, baby, so damn pussywhipped its embarrassing."

[militaryapple]

Hi, I'm not sure if you're taking request but I love the way you write Caleb ☺️ Is it possible you can do a cute little fake dating troupe in college with Caleb?

It goes like, reader (non MC) and Caleb are friends and reader wanted a bf but she can't find one so she tried out this "men will start chasing you when you have a bf" theory with Caleb when Caleb thinks this is an opportunity to do couple things with his crush 🫢

wc. 939.

add ons: hii yes I can!! so glad u guys love my caleb he's so crazy I miss him

college. it was definitely something. work load 20 times heavier, professors who don’t really give a fuck wether you live or die or right, and dating. how you loathed the couples in your university. was it because you were unable to get a boyfriend yourself? maybe. was it also because half of every guy on campus was either a massive jerk, a guy in a frat or taken? maybe.. partly.. yeah.

everytime you were close to finding a guy, a perfect suitable guy who was funny or sweet or kind— he had to bail or he already had a girlfriend! yeah, total dreamboat. you could only sigh at the thought of you and someone on a date, going to the movies or watching some corny movie. wow you were really single and mindlessly scrolling on social media wasn’t helping your case one bit. post after post, jesus how did they do it? then you had an idea.

maybe you were pathetic and desperate.. oh fuck you’re in college. what’s worse? graduating with no love life or dying without someone who loves you. yeah, you would take your chances.

you silently typed up on your phone “how to become more attractive to men”. was it weird? yes. did you care? not really. it’s not your roommate was here, she would go on about how “life is amazing without a lover!” and “you don’t need to cry over a man!” in which she was silently resigned everytime you brought up how she had a boyfriend. so it’s come to this. better now than never anyways.

“men like taken woman, gives them a chase.” well fuck! that was your issue from the start?! what were you gonna do? get a boyfriend out of thin air to make guys ma— then you heard a knock.

you closed out of the tab as you walk to your dorm door, opening it as your gaze shifted upward, and holy mother of pearls did you find the holy grail. he was your answer.

“hey, pipsqueak!” caleb said as he held his arms out for you waiting for a hug, just to be greeted by a grab on the wrist and a soft ‘thud’ on your bed. you stared up at him, inspecting him closely. caleb was a perfect candidate! he could be your fake boyfriend!

.

.

“be my fake boyfriend.”

you were met with small chuckle as he covered his mouth and muffled out apologies. you were embarrassed, god this was embarrassing. if only you could rewind 2 minutes. god god god.

caleb smiled widely, “are you sure you want me as your fake boyfriend? what’s this even for anyways, pipsqueak?” his eyes soften as he got more comfortable on your bed. you could only smile in content. he didn’t say no, so you’ll take that as a win.

“guys are more attracted to you when you have a boyfriend.” you said shoving your phone in his face. he scanned over the phone closely before pushing your hand down to look at you. god were you pretty.

“that’s.. not real pipsqueak.” he said trying to cover his laugh. were you serious about this? you couldn’t actually believe this crap. this is why caleb prefers for you to come to him for this sort of thing, not some lousy thread you found on a very sketchy site. though he couldn’t just trample on your dreams so he went along with it, even if it was funny.

“I’m serious!” you snapped back. “just for a while, until someone shows interest in me! well more interest than my supposed boyfriend.. please caleb?” you begged, and he could never say no to you. you jumped up happily before leaning in for a hug but instead you were met by a subtle push and “ah-ah”. you looked at caleb puzzled as he got up. his arms moving to your hip while he leaned down, his and your breath almost kissing.

“if im gonna be your boyfriend for a while pipsqueak, don’t I deserve a little reward for helping you out?” he smiled, “even if it’s a fake we have to get used to kissing.”

kissing.

your first kiss, would be him.

you stared up at awe, he was handsome. just one kiss, it wouldn’t be bad right? you were flustered but no backing down now. better make this as real as possible.

You nodded in subtle approval before you leaned in, your lips touching as his grip on you held tighter. his free hand cupping your face. he was a natural at kissing, his movements were tender and he was so gentle with you. it was as if he didn’t want to wreck you. caleb moved his head back, breaking away from the sweet moment. “okay then, it’s official.” he said softly.

caleb would take you out often, every week, everyday to be exact and there seemed to be absolutely no luck with other guys. it’s not like it mattered anyways though, you were having fun with caleb, almost like he was your actual boyfriend.

as for caleb, this was perfect, he was almost glad he checked on you the day he did. you were a dream, and this “fake boyfriend” idea? would soon wash away when you start to only think of him as your actual boyfriend. taking you out, kissing you, holding you while you’re upset. everything.

as for the guys who chase you around? haha as if! he personally made sure on your first day of university that everyone knew you were his. well it doesn’t matter, it worked out either way. for both you and him.

[writtenbyan-aries]

A blurb where reader is secretly dating Chris and uses a fake account to mess with him while he’s on a stream with Matt

Warnings: swearing, secret dating, fluff

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

You lean back against the headboard, a smile rested on your face as you have Matt and Chris’ livestream pulled up on the tv.

You finish setting up your burner twitch account with a giggle, and soon enough, crazy4chrispkreme has entered the chat.

You lay a hand over your mouth, tilting your head back as you try to control your laughter.

You let out a sigh, glancing from the tv down to your phone, Oh my god, the guy on the left is literally so hot.

You look back up at the tv, hoping for a reaction, nothing. So you type something else out, Chris!! Can I get a shoutout please!!!

And again, right after, Christopher! I love you sooo much please notice me!!!!!!!!

You bite your lip to stifle back your laughter when you see Matt lean into the screen, “What the fuck?” He laughs, reaching back to get Chris’ attention, “Do you see this?”

“See what?” Chris leans forward and Matt shakes his head, “Hold on, it went away. Just.. watch the chat.”

You give it a second, watching them both stare at the chat screen before you type out, Are you looking for my message?

Matt’s eyes go wide and he looks at Chris, “Did you see that?”

“You better not be talking about that fucking username.” Chris laughs and covers his face, “What the fuck.”

You giggle, Chris! Chris! I love you pleeaseeeee say something to me

At this point, there’s a few people telling you to chill out and to ‘calm your little fan girl ass down’, but you ignore it.

“What is up with these usernames chat.” Matt laughs, shaking his head, “They want you to say something to them.”

“I don’t..” Chris laughs, “I- just-“ he continues to laugh, “That’s actually crazy. Crazy four Chris-p kreme.”

You press your cheek into your shoulder, laughing before looking back at your phone, Ahhhh thank you I love you so much you have no idea my life has been made <3333

Chris raises his brows and leans back into the chair, “Glad I could help.”

But you don’t stop, Chris you’d be even hotter if you take your shirt off!!

And right after, come on! Don’t be shy! We all think you’re hot!

You press your hand to your mouth hard as you watch both of their reactions on the tv, “What the actual fuck..” Matt’s eyes widen and he sighs while shaking his head, “I’m going to have to agree with the other people here, you need to calm down.”

“I’m not taking my shirt off, why would- no. No.” Chris shakes his head and sighs, “What the fuck.”

Awww boooooo, you type, Why not????

User1: yoooo chill out

User2: seriously that’s so embarrassing, as a members of the sturniolo fandom, we don’t claim this bitch

User3: you have some serious issues you need to figure that out bro like seriously

You laugh, Fine, but I still think Chris is the hotter one out of the two.

Matt shakes his head and Chris crosses his arms, “I mean, I can agree to that.” He laughs and Matt rolls his eyes, “Why do you have to be weird?”

“I’m not, I’m just restating facts.” Chris laughs and you move around to get more comfortable, reading down over the chat as people try to explain to you that you can’t say that blah blah blah.

Christopher Owen, the man you are!!

God I wish I had the chance to date him, he looks like he would be a really good bf

Matt smirks, “Aw, Chris, they want a date. They think you’d be a really good boyfriend.” He looks at Chris and he smirks, “name a time and place.”

Your jaw drops as you laugh, swiping over to text Chris, name a time and place? Are you serious??

You go back to the twitch chat and watch the tv. He pulls his phone from his pocket and instantly starts to laugh, “Matt.”

Matt leans back, reading over your text and he gives Chris a look, “Uh oh.”

You type out the chat, Oh no!!! What’s going on?!

You watch as Chris taps on his screen before laying his phone face down in his lap. His text comes through and you laugh, shaking your head as you read it, You think you’re slick, huh?

You tap on it and text him back, What ever do you mean Christopher Owen, the man that you are??

You hit send and go back to twitch, the things I would let Chris do to me is astronomical, good lord

You giggle as Chris tries so hard to fight back a smirk as he reads your text. He leans forward to show Matt and his jaw drops, “Is that..”

Chris nods, “Uh huh.”

You type out in the chat, what’s going onnnnnn

Matt laughs and shakes his head, “Don’t you worry about what’s going on.”

Chris taps his screen and you sigh as you click on his text, the man I am, thinking my girlfriend is trolling me on a fake twitch account

You leave him on open and go back to twitch, typing out a message that only him and Matt will understand, why are you calling me a troll? I promise I’m a real person who just loves Chris sooooo much <3333

You lay your phone down and Chris stands up, “I’m going to grab a sweatshirt.”

Matt laughs and nods, “Alright.”

You look over at the door, watching as it opens and Chris walks in laughing, “Are you fucking serious?”

You shrug, locking your phone, “What?!”

“You’re actually the funniest fucking person ever.” He walks over and lays his body on yours, “I was so confused at first.”

You smile, pressing your lips to his as your fingers comb through his hair, “Hey, I have to have a little fun while you’re having fun.”

He laughs and peppers your face with kisses, “I love you.”

You wrap your arms around his neck, “but you don’t love my username?”

He buries his face into your neck and laughs, “How did you even come up with that?” You laugh and shrug, “May have remembered your old Snapchat username.”

“You’re ridiculous.” He smiles, tilting his head up, “But I love you.” He kisses your lips, “So much.”

“I love you.” You kiss him one last time before he stands up, “Wear the grey sweatshirt. I love you in that.”

“What so you can troll me harder?” He laughs as he pulls the grey hoodie off of the hanger, and you nod with a smile, “How’d you know?”

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

Thanks for reading! I love you so much! If you want a Matt one or whoever, let me know! 🖤 catch you in the next one!

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!

[zorciarkrildrush]

I think the essence of what drives me crazy about current Enlightened Online Leftist Discourse Regarding My Life Personally And Whether This Time Killing Me Is Morally Correct (as in, commentary about the latest episode in i/p violence) is this:

I want a free Palestine.

I don't personally know a lot of people that don't! They might bristle at the tagline, because it's co-opted by people who do in fact want them dead, but as soon as I lay out why it's in literally everyone's best interest, how a non-free Palestine is horrific both to the people of Israel and to the people of Palestine, how pragmatically ridiculous the occupation of the west bank and the siege upon Gaza are (and I am a very pragmatic person), they get it. And I don't mean I debate people online about it - this, too, is a ridiculous concept - I mean having, time and time again, the deradicalization conversation with my friends, and colleagues, and my family. Obviously not only now - I've always been a very principled and argumentative Jew, ever since I became an adult - and I've been alive for, I don't know, a dozen flashpoints and operations and wars at this point, and I don't stop being argumentative and loud in peacetime either, but especially now.

But that's not what "from the river to the sea" means.

When you, gentle soul from across the sea, echo this slogan, you are either:

By apathy or will, ignoring that the sentiment cheers for the mass expulsion and killing of Jews. Indeed, any non-Muslim present from the river to the sea. This doesn't even begin to cover how even Muslim arabs still will not be safe under Hamas rule - and trust me, I don't care if a Hamas apologist told you different. A victory for Hamas (And we're ignoring the fact they do not have the military capacity for it - I hope you are aware of the privilege inherent to not understanding military conflicts) means exactly that. No "rule by the people". No socialistic, Palestinian utopia to be had, which is a fantasy I'm seeing alluded to a lot recently. Just an extension of the horrific power structure in Lebanon and Syria, where Hezbollah - friends and allies to Hamas - have been playing a tango for decades of both refusing to participate in actual government and betterment of civilian lives, while still draining their resources and controlling them with no real contest. "From the river to the sea" is not a sentiment for freedom fighting - it's a sentiment for a final solution to the people living here who are either Jewish, or for some Very Strange And Weird Reason would rather not submit to Hamas rule. You know - Israeli Arabs, secular and Muslim and Christian, Druze, Circassians, Bahai, take your pick. Their suffering, and my suffering - you know, a person who made the strategic error of being born in Israel while Jewish, which is inherently problematic and not okay of me - don't matter to you. Just the fantasy of an easy, morally correct cleanse of the land.

Are well aware of all of the above! You just don't care. You either smugly chuckle that I, and anybody else who will die, deserve it - or that it's an acceptable loss for the aforementioned fantasy. "Decolonization is an inherently violent process", you'll say to me, chillingly, before implying I have a summer home in Brooklyn I can just retreat to when things get tough. Israel is basically Rhodesia, a very popular blog here mentioned flippantly, so what's the issue with all of those lily-white Jews fucking off back home before the righteous freedom fighters strike them down? Well. This might be the part I urge you to open a book, or even Wikipedia or any god damn thing that will explain to you these upsetting, dense things you clearly struggle with.

It's easy for me to discount islamophobes. Like, very easy. It's very easy for me to discount insane evangelistics who "advocate for me" simply because I'm a pawn in their religious rapture. It's easy for me to fight against Israeli and Jewish fascists - I have been long before this news item came across your feed, as did the insinuations that some civilian deaths are okay, actually.

It's easy for me for me to see promotions for donations to non-political aid in Gaza. It's easy for me to see the sentiment that hey! Palestinians deserve safe, healthy lives. That they have deserved an independent state, and were unfairly denied one, for decades. It's easy for me to see people saying "You know, the Israeli government is shit, actually, and their actions endanger and promote to the misery of innocents". Because that's right! I wouldn't be voting and protesting and donating for all of these sentiments otherwise!

It's not easy for me to see people, who I honestly held in high regard and saw having well thought out opinions on important matters, inadvertently echo the sentiment that my death is acceptable. That a terrorist organization, who rule over their own territory with fear and violence, are righteous freedom fighters, vox populi, only out to establish a free state. Like hey, their manifesto said otherwise, so it must be all there is - right? That Jews are just hysterical, they can easily live elsewhere - ever since that nasty holocaust business everything's fine abroad. Besides, it was just so long ago who even cares stop talking about it. Hamas, Hezbollah, ISIS, the Ayatollahs in Iran, the fucking Islamic Jihad - are not interested in freedom. They aren't, and echoing their slogan tells me you are either ignoring that, or support them anyway. If antisemitic rhetoric, half truths and lies by omission work on you today, they would have in any period of time. I'm sorry this makes you uncomfortable. I'm not, not really.

So finally:

Know what your fucking words mean. Have a cursory glance at the history of the MENA and why it's so fucked, one that doesn't boil down to "The Jews, with American help, rolled into where they don't belong". This isn't even a joke. I've seen this braindead, history-revising sentiment repeated so many times, both online and in actual textbooks, that I feel I'm going insane. So many well-meaning people handwringing and assuring each other that repeating genocidal slogans is fine, that calling the i/p conflict "a simple problem" (which means it has a simple solution, right? Just kill the Jews.) is a well-adjusted and intellectual take. That "only the Zionists should die! The rest will be fine :)" I dare you to say that and also give me a correct definition of what Zionism is. Why I, a Jew that advocates for Palestinian statehood and rights and safety and always have, won't also face the wall in your little fantasy.

Freedom to Palestine. Peace in the middle east, fucking yesterday.

A curse and a plague on those who don't want either of those, and just want to cheer on the death of "the other side".

A curse and a plague upon you, when you tell me, smugly, from somewhere safe and far away, "from the river to the sea".

[yaseraphine]

2024, the year I lost my crown.

Pluto in aquarius / Sun / Ego / Leo stellium / Ego death / Karma

I will say it loudly and proudly : In 2024, I entered my flop era (and it set me free)

This post will sum up the major lessons I learned this year through the prism of astrology.

INTRODUCTION - This post is a post I was looking forward to sharing for a while. 2024 seemed to have been a crazy year for a lot of people. Mine could be summed up by “emotional release” or the release of a karmic emotional cycle as well as connecting with my inner child. This year was charged with deep epiphanies about my childhood, which I realized I romanticized and erased key moments from my memory. Realizations came in waves always accompanied with the identification of intense deep seated insecurities and fears that stemmed from my childhood and the way I was nurtured. All of those intense and hidden emotions bubbling up to the surface together made this year really emotionnally charged with negative emotions. This eventually unwillingly forced me to neglect superficial aspects of life, such as appearance and charisma. I was slow, insecure, tired all the time, felt like sh*t all the time, lost drive. You could say that, basically, in chronically online terms, In 2024, I just entered my flop era.

This made me realize the extent of our society's obsession with glowing up, being the best version of ourselves at all times, pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone. Entering our so-called “bad bitch” era, focusing on self-care, being the best, having people admiring us, standing out, being that b, making people do a double take on us,etc... Most of our life is spent relentlessly  trying to be unique, appearing at the top of our game. We always aspire and desire to appear and seem , but we never just are. 

Capitalism has its ways of trapping us into a vicious cycle of superficial constant change and improvement. Like it creates new problems to solve for the mere goal of selling a new product to us, it creates a weird transactional and selfish sense of self, where we almost aspire to be alienated from the community and stand out. 

I decided to share this post as a reminder, in the sea of “how to glow up in 2025” videos and posts, that, sometimes, divine timing has its ways and it prevents us from shining the way we want to. Not every year is a year to glow up, you cannot be at the top of your game all the time. Like during the reign of a Queen or King, your empire will have an apogee, but also a decline. Your power and influence over your empire will always fluctuate, and you will only get probably one period of apogee, followed by a pretty intense empire decline. Despite going through all of this, something will always remain and that is faith. The faith you have in yourself, in the future, maybe even in God or a Higher Power. The faith that is deep inside yourself and that guides and helps you to push through even if you’re at your lowest.

This issue behind this obsession with “glowing up”, and all the external validation that comes with it and avoiding “flopping” at all costs, is what led me to go insane and completely give up this year.

Start of college : a beautifully humbling experience

-> from the top grader to a “mid” grader, an average student

-> highly political place 

-> Politicians and rulers : ruled by Leo BUT political parties, independent parties, ideology : ruled by Aquarius

-> I started to not only take interest in my own endeavors but also the country’s / humanity’s condition

-> I attended riots and protests multiple times, even during exams seasons

-> I assisted to GM’s hosted by students there to protect students’ rights but also for Gaza (GMs = General Meetings)

-> I read books about feminism, learned about communism and just politics in general

-> Unlearned a lot of myths surrounding the working class, rape culture, cultural appropriation, ..

-> Made new friends quite different from the ones I had in High school > anarchists, feminists, really woke people.

Why did all those changes occur ? 

SR Chart of the year 2023-24 : North Node in the 11th  house > letting go of ego and individuality to embrace community

Lilith in the 9th house transit : with all this new knowledge, I literally felt like my brain was being rewired. All the old thought patterns and life limiting beliefs I have been clinging to all chattered, bits per bits. Of course, I started that shadow work way before I got that Transit HOWEVER this transit did boost the process of getting rid of those limiting beliefs.

Gemini rising > my 7th house sign, my shadow, was my rising that year. I have to say the year prior to this year prepared me REALLY well to deal with it since, that year, I became friends and hung out with a bunch of people with gemini stelliums (i genuinely don't know how I survived tbh)

North node return -> events that pushed me to get out of my comfort zone

Chiron in the 9th house transit : my natural ability and talent to think abstractly got tested by this transit. The more theory I learned, the foggier my mind got. I kind of felt like the more times passed, the dumber I got. Which, I know, sounds crazy. But my comfort zone of having philosophical thoughts, disconnecting from my direct environment, this sagittarian hyper-independence (and ego..) became uncomfortable to embody and I felt a sense of loss every time I was ought to have abstract ideas and see the bigger picture. My natural intellectual talents “decreased” and I had no choice but to ask for help and interact with other students to understand certain concepts (so becoming the student even though it’s not comfortable to me). Along with my North node return in the 3rd house (my natal placement), this pushed me to trust other people’s knowledge and experience and learn from them. To show up daily, interact with people from all walks of life and not think to myself before doing so that “there is no point anyway to talk to them it’s useless/ a waste of time / we’re too different” or whatever bullshit excuses my ego would create to prevent myself from socialising

"Let them eat cake"

My obsessive desire to be perfect and to handle everything by myself got too far. I wanted to look my best every single day, but, by the second semester I just couldn't keep up. My timetable was heavier, my classes less interesting and even harder. But, what truly pushed me, or more so forced me to change, was my final exams results of the first semester. In high school, I did not have to study much to excel. To be a top grader, better than everyone else was easy for me, it was a routine. I was never surprised by my grades because I knew I topped as usual. However, going with this mentality/ belief for those exams was what slapped me right back to reality. My grades were bad. When I saw them, my heart shrinked, I was completely shocked. I did not expect much to be fair, but I thought it was going to be okay. Oh boy, it clearly WASN’T. And what made it worse was the people around me, who did not seem to take school as seriously, who consistently skipped classes, who cheated and lied for homework. These people, these people that I consistently judged as immoral, those people that I despised so much , THOSE, they got better grades than me. This made me go CRAZY. I cried for days on end, I couldn’t go to classes because of how badly I felt. This was the final straw for me : what is the point of being such a straight, invested person who came to classes even when I was sick, who always looked clean and hydrated. A perfect student with a perfect attitude. An independent student who helped her classmates. A perfect student who gets exploited by a system where cheaters and liars pass just as well, if not better, and get complimented as much. I realized how much pent up rage I had inside of me. I wasn’t just sad or disappointed, I was deeply disgusted. 

Leo stellium, Sun in Cancer conjunct Saturn, Pluto and Chiron in the first house and 9th house south node : unrealistic standards, lack mindset, low self-confidence, strong ego , scared of being bad at something, of being the worst, self-loathing, “there is no point in doing that anyway” , “i am not like them anyway there’s no need for me to go to this event” : 

As someone with a Leo stellium, I never realized how strict I was to myself. Only people around me could see it, but, because of how headstrong I am, I thought they just didn’t have enough standards. The thing is, I couldn’t see how perfect a lot of things in my life were because I was only fixated on what I lacked. I only focused on the defaults, the problems, the parts I wasn’t good enough in. And even the vocal and direct feedback of people wasn’t enough for me to believe I was just fine, maybe even great. And while I always focused on the parts I have failed in, I also had this unrealistic expectation that I needed to have a neutral, linear emotional life. In my head, it was like : I had a period/ period of emotional disturbances now I cannot have one again, or at least not as intense. It’s simply impossible. Now I used all my “jokers”, cards , I have no choice but to only go higher. This strange way of thinking was what made me only put positive/confident songs on my spotify playlists and avoid any songs that expressed “negative” emotions, outside of anger and rebellion. You could say it's a good thing in a way because I did my best to lift my head up. I knew how music affected my mood so I adapted my playlists accordingly. The thing is, whenever I was feeling anything other than confidence or anger, I did everything in my power to dismiss it. I obsessed over avoiding feeling low because in that state, no one will like me. People will see me in a vulnerable state and it’s too embarrassing. People have to admire me, compliment me, heck just like me at least. But if I’m not on top of my game, they will realize I am like them. I am part of the “plebs”. I have to be a queen, a princess, not a goddamn peasant! (really harsh wording, I know, but it felt like that looking back). I can’t. I just can’t. ... Unfortunately, trying to desesperately keep up with my reponsabilities as a Queen, not caring much for people as they were mere peasants who had nothing to do with me, is what led me right into my empire's decline.. Up in my fragile papermade castle, seating on my throne, I truly always felt so lonely...

The last straw  : getting rid of the lion’s mane

I shaved my head. Crazy but I did. By myself. A monday afternoon, 3 days before halloween. Right in the middle of the sinister season of the Scorpio : I shaved my head. I shaved my long, luscious and golden curly hair. This mane that held all those limiting beliefs and toxic standards. My hair was my signature look, one of the first things people noticed about me. One of the first things people complimented me about. “Look at those beautiful curly hair ! I wish I had hair like you!” “They look so healthy omg!”. All this external validation was like a drug to me, therefore, I never DARED to even trim it. Yeah. Looking back, I was crazy for that.

Sr for the year 2024-25 + Pluto in Capricorn last turn around : my experience

SR Chart 2024-25 : Virgo rising with the chart ruler Mercury in Leo in the 12th house.

Pretty gloomy and bleak period. I was feeling quite depressed to be fully honest. I started the new school year with every symptoms of depression, exept the su*c*dal thoughts. I was slow, my body was heavier yet I lost weight. I moved slower, thought slower, slept more, was always tired, taking a shower, doing the dishes, eating and every other simple daily task was a burden, harder than usual. My solar leonine energy, my vitality all disappeared without me realizing it. I had low self confidence, didn’t get ready in the morning, and stopped feeling any sense of pleasure. I was empty, crying on the train to my campus. The last time I felt like this, it was in 2018, I was 13, depressed and entering the darkest phase of my Dark Night of the Soul.

Guess what, I am Not A Robot

You've been acting awful tough lately

Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately

But inside you're just a little baby, oh

It's okay to say you've got a weak spot

You don't always have to be on top

Better to be hated than loved, loved, loved

For what you're not

You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable

You are not a robot

You're lovable, so lovable

But you're just troubled

Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot

Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot

Once again, I had no other way but to ask for help. I went to see a doctor after years of avoiding it. I confessed a lot of things to my mom with whom I always had/have a really distant and tense relationship. Our conversations were really eye opening for the both of us. I went to see a therapist, and I am still looking for one. I didn’t have enough energy to attend class (I live 1h15/1H30 away from my campus.. so my 8 am classes were awful, especially since not attending is a risk to failing in that subject.. I was in a really problematic period.) But, I met a friend, an Aquarius sun and rising student who helped me throughout all of this. She was the contrary of me in many ways : really social, open and relied on other people. easily opened up to others. She didn’t have those perfectionistic obsessive thoughts. She trusted people, had a bunch of friends, and didn't overthink every single one of her interactions. She quickly became the air that tempered down my fire, which was burning myself out. My ego was killing me and my body (symptoms of depression) was warning me. I couldn’t control these feelings. I hadn't felt that depressed in a while. Like the type of depression that makes you stare at the wall in the morning, struggling to get out of bed.I thought it was behind me. I thought I was better than this. I thought “yes other people have depressions and struggle on a daily basis because of it and that’s okay but me ? I am over it. I had one at the beginning of my teenagehood. Now it can’t happen again, at least not actual depression.” But no, unfortunately for me, It did indeed happen. This showed me I was vulnerable, like every human being. I wasn’t immune to failing, to lose, to being bad, to being average, to needing help. I was simply a human being. I wasn’t a superior entity, a god flying above the rest of humanity.  I was just like them. Was I considered a bit weird for liking astrology, tarot and for listening to kpop ? Was I considered a bit weird for having Halloween as my favourite holiday ? Was I a bit edgy and had a certain sensitivity to anything grotesque, deadly, macabre, taboo ? Yes, I was all of that. But I am still a human being. I am just like other people in many ways, and even if I have more quirks than the average person It shouldn’t stop me from socialising. I need people and people need me, and, honestly, that is totally fine. Connecting with others is beautiful. People are here to help each other and share their experiences. That is the most beautiful part of existence : everyday frivolous conversations with people, interacting with them, exchanging ideas, sharing our daily frustrations and struggles, laughing. All of that is the simplicity I never expected I needed so badly. On the quest of finding this truth, I went faraway in the abstract realm of ideas only to realize that this truth was right in front of me since the beginning.

Life really wasn't as complicated as I made it to be.

A song that sums up this overall energy

Fear and Loathing - MARINA : "I'm done with tryin' to have it all and endin' up with not much at all"

Marina called Fear and Loathing a turning point in her life, after which she stopped being a "bitter person" and began to work with new people and try new things, even though she wrote the song alone in her bedroom in London. She placed the track last on Electra Heart because she views it as a "letting go" song.

In this process of losing myself, I am gaining something precious and that is the construction of a true authentic self-confidence. Not one that is out of fear : out of fear of being perceived like a loser, a compulsive fear of being like my 12 year old self, a scared and terrified pre-teen who hated herself, from the way she looked to her personality and non-existent talents.

I am finally starting to cultivate something solid, something that comes from a deep sense of self. 

[Verse 1]

I've lived a lot of different lives

Been different people many times

I live my life in bitterness

And fill my heart with emptiness

And now I see, I see it for the first time

There is no crime in being kind

Not everyone is out to screw you over

Maybe, yeah just maybe they just wanna get to know ya

And now the time is here

Baby, you don't have to live your life in fear

And the sky is clear, is clear of fear

[Chorus]

Don't wanna live in fear and loathing

I wanna feel like I am floating

Instead of constantly exploding

In fear and loathing

Albums that accompanied me during this period

Traumazine - Megan Thee Stallion

Something to Give Each Other - Troye Sivan 

All year long, I was drawn to artists with an 8th house North Node. Lately, I’ve been drawn to slower, more sensual and jazzy songs, which isn’t something I listen to usually. Songs about intimacy, vulnerability.

-> both artists have a North Node in the 8th house, which is currently the energy I am encouraged to embody as it is the North Node of my solar return for the year 2024-25.

This north node is all about trust and intimacy, sharing oneself, the deepest parts of ourselves with others, sharing our resources, accepting loss and not compulsively clinging onto things, and possessions.

Just in the title of Troye Sivan’s album, this 8th house aspect is instantly identified : we have something to share, to give to others, to exchange with someone. It hints at an exclusive exchange between two people.

Something to Give Each Other hits especially now. Traumazine, it was more in February/March, which was the period I was starting to release things and started healing, feeling deeply angry and sad at the same. (around the astrological new year). Since September/October, especially now and for the next few months if not year, I have been feeling more like Something to Give Each Other. Now more than ever I am discovering the beauty of connecting with others, sharing my true self, throwing myself fully in the unknown nature of human relationships. All of those things , despite being a Pluto dominant and 8th houser, truly terrified me for years  even though I obsessively and terribly craved it at the same time.

This album is my something to give you - a kiss on a dancefloor, a date turned into a weekend, a crush, a winter, a summer. Party after party, after party after after party. Heartbreak, freedom. Community, sisterhood, friendship. All that.

— Sivan describing the album

At the end of the day, we all have something to give to someone, and to give each other.

[emzyshifts]

Shiftok Influencers lying

Another shiftok rant because wow I just really dislike Shiftok. Im tired of all the lies that are spewed from these "influencers" mouths, I only trust Shay on there. I don't even know if I trust Raya but thats a me thing. And don't get me started on the "Lets just all admit shifting wasn't real" Okay so... Who would be getting shifting tatoos for the bit..? Or who would put so much time into subliminals, or preaching about it if it wasn't real?

I saw something like, "People believe in god all the time and don't know if he's real." Shifting doesn't even compare to that. There is an outcome to shifting that people get to. It has nothing to do with beliefs when people are DOING IT. Hell, I'm Catholic, and I'm shifting? It's crazy. Why do I hear the noises of my dr when I'm trying to shift? Why do I get so lightheaded or feel like I'm sinking? "That's just you falling asleep" Hmm weird I wonder why I only feel it when I am putting energy into my dr.. But it must not be real, right? The smells, noises, the feels of the shift are just psychosis, right? Weird because I only hear noises when I try to... It's not an all-time thing.

I don't gaf if you don't believe in it but leave us tf alone. It's your loss, If you wanna laugh at us, then by all means, do it in private because, at the end of the day, we're laughing at you, I am getting with YOUR comfort character, and you're not. So, cry about it. The bit honestly wouldn't have lasted this long.

One last thing, NOT ALL PEOPLE WHO SHIFT ARE STRUGGLING MENTALLY. Fuck I love my life here, I have a boyfriend, I have amazing friends, and I have a nice routine my life is great and I'm so lucky for that. Half of the world has mental issues leave shifters alone. Thanks though for trying your best to demotivate us, but it isn't going to work because at the end of the day were above all of you.

[rayshippouuchiha]

Hi! I feel bad for having messaged twice in kinda quick succession, but I have a Bleach AU idea and don’t really have anyone to tell about it, but i hope you’d like to hear about it!

So I’ve only recently been trying to finish reading Bleach (I’ve read earlier chapters multiple times, but never managed to read past the Xcution arc). I’ve still got about 100 odd chapters to go, but I’m in the thousand year war arc finally, (and I’ve read the last few chapters, so I know how it ends, just not all of the details in between).

Anyway, I’ve recently read the bit where Kyoraku (is that his name? Shunsui, the head captain guy) actually goes to the land of the living and visits Ichigo’s friends to warn them that depending on how powerful he is once he’s sorted his issues with his Zanpakuto, he might not be able to come back home and it’s just GOT ME THINKING, because so far it’s not been mentioned again, and it isn’t in the last few chapters either, I don’t think. BUT!! What if it is that Ichigo is so powerful now that going back to the human world on a permanent basis would completely mess with the human world, so he’s forced to stay in the soul society.

So much potential for angst, with him missing his sisters and friends (and Kisuke), BUT also so much potential for absolute highjinks in the SS.

I think this could potentially be a little similar to your Turn Back the Clock AU, but I’m just imagining all of the remaining captains/lieutenants all absolutely beside themselves trying to convince Ichigo to join their teams, Shunsui is already eyeing him up for a captain position in the near future, Kenpachi (who’s still a little lost without his little sidekick (whose name I’ve forgotten, god I feel so bad because I love her)) just itching to get Ichigo to join his squad so that he can have daily fights without the trouble of having to go looking for the guy. Shinji (who without a shadow of a doubt has a soft spot for Ichigo, no matter how much he might enjoy irritating him) who wants to have him in his squad as some kind of “visords-stick-together” kinda deal (and because he knows it’d piss all the others off). Rukia laying claim because HELLO, she’s the one that stabbed him and gave him the powers in the first place, she calls dibs! Hell, I think even Byakuya would want him in his squad, because as much as he might deny it if asked, he’s actually rather fond of the guy, so long as he learns to call him Captain rather than his first name.

And as things are want to do in the SS, where the more power the shinigami, the more insane they seem to be, things get a little out of hand. During one heated discussion, where they’re all giving their updates on how well each of them think they’re doing in convincing Ichigo to join them, someone (I’m thinking a shit-stirrer like Yumichika maybe) gives the idea that hey, this competition seems almost as if you’re trying to court the guy! And so it turns into this weird ass Shinigami-courting situation, with a “whoever manages to (woo) CONVINCE Ichigo to join their squad is OBVIOUSLY the one that Ichigo likes best, so that means that he’s OBVIOUSLY also open to (after)life long commitment in the form of marriage to whichever captain wins” kinda thing going on.

Cue Ichigo not getting a single moments peace, when all he really wants is to be left alone to just PROCESS the fact that he 1) has had to leave everyone and everything he’s ever known in the human world to live with these absolutely crazy people, and 2) just fought in a very big battle and helped kill a thousands-year old crazy Quincy guy.

He’s more than happy spending his time helping clean up and rebuild the SS for now, and he’s happy to worry about what comes next once the SS is back on its feet. (And he’s more than a little oblivious to the weird fighting/flirting/coercing that seems to happen whenever he comes across any familiar face whenever he’s out and about).

It all comes to a head when his friends from home come for a visit to the soul society with those handy dandy tokens that Shunsui gave them, and instantly see what’s happening and have to sit Ichigo down and explain to him that he may or may not (but definitely does) have twenty or so extremely powerful shinigami captains and lieutenants all after his ass(ets), which, know that Ichigo thinks about it, definitely explains a few things that’ve been happening to him lately.

And shortly after his friends go back home, all three realms feel a shift in reiatsu and hear a distant screech from Kisuke, who’s suddenly realised that hey, maybe the human world sucks actually and he should relocate back to the soul society for no reason in particular! None at all! Definitely not jealousy because that would be ridiculous.

If I had the time or energy (and a better track record of finishing fics that I start 😬) I’d love to write this, but I fear it’ll be stuck in my notes forever, lol, so thought I’d share!

No I love this so much!! Especially if it's endgame UraIchi and like all this courting, all this drama, all the shenanigans from all these different high-powered shinigami all trying to get Ichigo's attention and Kisuke just rocks up and gets him within a solid 10 minutes and 5 of those were spent with Ichigo purposefully ignoring him while Kisuke apologized for some dumb petty shit he did before Ichigo ended up in SS

[faynthearted]

god I love rediscovering half-finished tianshan fics/drafts that I started years ago and completely forgot about. it's like I'm reading someone else's work and it's fantastic! there's so many.

in case anyone is interested, so far I've found:

a WIP named "leverage" that seems to be about guan shan having to stay at the He estate for his own protection against whatever mess the He family has gotten into. I feel like someone might have requested this a long time ago and I forgot?

another WIP named "p.s." that's about tianshan being bitter exes and yet somehow guan shan finds himself housesitting for he tian while he travels for work because he tian has a dog that they adopted together that needs to be looked after and guan shan still cares about it -- and, clearly, about he tian too. I honestly still like this idea and the writing isn't too awful... hmm.

a VERY primitive draft of desecration, probably written when I was just beginning to brainstorm. it's crazy to see how much the story has evolved based on this flimsy WIP draft. I'm half-tempted to post it just for shits and giggles even though it's poorly written

another very short, primitive draft of desecration, written from zheng xi's perspective

a WIP named "smoke and mirrors" for a switched family background AU for tianshan. I actually got pretty far in writing this (~7k words) and I don't remember a single thing about it. veryyyy interesting. I kinda want to post this one too, or at least one scene that stands out

a WIP (unnamed) that seems to be about guan shan conning he tian at the train station for some money. I'm almost positive this was a tumblr request, but based on the date/time stamp of the draft's document, I'm not surprised I never finished it. life was crazy and miserable at the time

and while I'm here, I might as well mention the WIPs I do kinda remember but decided not to pursue in favor of desecration:

a WIP named "patchwork" set in historical China, wherein guan shan (a potter/artisan) has the ability to see and manipulate (i.e. tie and cut) red strings of fate. he's commissioned by the he family to participate in a traditional wedding ceremony for he cheng. of course, he tian takes an interest in him while he's there. the only issue is that guan shan cut his own red string when he was younger, an irreversible action -- and, for some reason, he tian's is cut too. weird, right? yeah. but he tian doesn't know this, and guan shan isn't planning on telling him anytime soon 😌

a WIP named "arsonist's lullaby" written from he cheng's POV throughout he tian's childhood. I'm not going to say much about this one since it might actually be written/posted one day as part of the terra firma series...

and finally, a WIP (unnamed) for an AU in which guan shan is a retired police dog trainer/handler (??) who now works at an auto shop. he adopted some of the dogs that either flunked out of the academy training or developed medical issues that required their retirement, and the dogs hang around the shop while he works. one day he tian shows up and asks if guan shan would be willing to do some off-the-books commission(?) work. the he family business has a drug/weapons problem, and they need the dogs' trained noses -- and their handler's experience -- to fix it. (I'm still obsessed with the idea of the dogs being fiercely protective of guan shan. he tian not only has to earn guan shan's trust, but the dogs' too)

I love the variability in all these AUs/ideas. I wish I could work on them all at once but that's frankly impossible. but I'll consider posting a few snippets if anyone is interested! (no promises about the quality of writing, though!)

[whyse7vn]

THE OTHER WOMAN -

[ ot7 x reader ]

tan 😰

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

tae: why did the the whole world get to see where yoongi’s tattoo was before me

jk: rumour has it that he doesn’t like you

yoongi: i do not like you

tae: it’s not good to believe all rumours jungkook

jk: ur right sorry

yoongi: i said i do not like you

tae: who are you taking to???

yoongi: nvm bye

y/n: how did you not know where the tattoo was??

tae: he didn’t tell me?

yoongi: you never asked

tae: i shouldn’t have to ask

yoongi: shut the fuck up

jimin: omg???

hobi: by newjeans?

y/n: anyways i need advice

hobi: by taemin?

jimin: WHERE?????????????????

y/n: but i need you all not to be weird about it

tae: daddy is here 4 u

namjoon: tae wtf

jin: clearly that’s asking a lot

jk: i’m a great advice giver

yoongi: you have never given advice in ur life

jimin: why would we be weird about it?

y/n: i’m going on a date

jk: WHAT

yoongi: oh?

jin: finally

jimin: congrats

tae: no ur not wtf

hobi: okayyyyyy

namjoon: nice!

jimin: stop talking like that

namjoon: who?

jimin: NiCe 🤓👍🏻

hobi: aju nice?

namjoon: i don’t see the issue

jimin: never say that shit again

jk: IS THIS SOME SORT OF SICK JOKE

tae: i rebuke this devil

hobi: devil by the window by txt

jin: IT’S WITH MINGYU ISN’T IT OH MY GOD IM SO SMART THATS WHY HES BEEN AROUND SO MUCH OH MY GOD

jimin: that’s crazy jungkook isn’t he ur bff

jk: SHE NEVER SAID IT WAS WITH HIM DONT BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ

tae: guys it’s time i fess up

it’s me

y/n: never lie like that again

tae: don’t tell me it’s actually that rat

y/n: rat???

jimin: it’s so him omg

hobi: aju nice fr wow

jk: SAY THIS IS A JOKE OH MG GOD PLS PLS LLS PLS PLS

y/n: it’s a joke

jk: see lol knew it lol that was so funny my goddddd loll WOW LOL UR SO FUNNY OHBMY GODDD😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

tae: mingyu kills people he’s a real bad guy trust me

y/n: maybe i’m into that

jin: omg she’s a freak guys

that’s kinda hot

hmu when ur done with him lol

yoongi: get a grip

jk: I NEED A CIGARETTE

jimin: ew

hobi: smoking kills!!!

namjoon: what did you need advice about anyways?

jk: MY ADVICE IS DONT GO

y/n: doesn’t matter

i realised that asking you guys for advice is the worst idea i’ve ever had

tae: i say you take all his money then shoot him

jimin: tae are you still broke be honest

tae: shut the fuck up???

jimin: get ur money the fuck up???

namjoon: enough

hobi: that was so elsa of you joon

enough anna I SAID ENOUGH🫸🏻❄️👩🏼‍🦰➡️🥶

yoongi: what

hobi: i think i’m depressed

y/n: i’ll kiss it better

tae: WHORE??????

HELLOOOOOO

SOMEONE TELL MINGYU THE DATE IS CANCELLED

CUT THE CAMERAS BLOCK HIS NUMBER SHOOT HIM UP

jin: ur severely troubled

jk: tbis is what heart break feljsl like….

jimin: he’s drunk already???

jk: the other womajn 💔

hobi: mingyu is a man

jk: *tjhw otjker maynne 💔

jimin: jungkook is bilingual since when??

hobi: what language was that?

y/n: jungkook are you crying???

jk: njever?????

yoongi: ur gross

tae: real men cry

and then shoot up other men called mingyu

right jungkook???

jk: iwnag to killl nyself

y/n: i won’t go

yoongi: wtf no?

y/n: you want me to go??

yoongi: that’s not what i said

jin: he’s upset that ur gonna cancel on mingyu for jungkook and not him

wow i’m just on a roll today

tae: what about me

hobi: what about you???

tae: if you want to fight just say that

i’m ready

hobi: i want you gone

tae: in what context?

hobi: life????

jimin: AWOMANNNNNNN

namjoon: guys if we were actually nice to each other everyone could actually be happy in life

tae: i wish nothing but the worst for you

hobi: that would upset adele

jimin: who????

hobi: i wish nothing but the best for youuuuuuuuuuuuuu

jimin: ???

hobi: kys

jimin: wtf

hobi: sorry the voices take over sometimes

y/n: taes schizophrenia takes another victim yet again

tae: my what?

y/n: i’m a born singer 💜💜💜

yoongi: are you really not going because of jungkook??

y/n: oh

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm

jk: ple😰😭😕😢

jimin: i say go

fuck yoongi fuck jungkook and definitely fuck tae!

tae: i would NEVER sleep with you

jimin: ur actually the dumbest person i’ve met

yoongi: she’s done that already

tae: ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

jk: NONONONONINONONONONONONI

hobi: sighs when will we see peace in the gc?

y/n: you did not just type “sighs”

hobi: sighs again i did and ur gonna deal with it

y/n: you make me heave

hobi: sighs for the last time boys heave when they talk to you

i’m heaving!

jin: tf is wrong with hoseok today??

hobi: the voices

yoongi: are you avoiding my question

tae: no?

yoongi: i am not taking to you

tae: ok make that clear next time wtf

yoongi: why would i ever need to talk to you???

tae: i think yoongi’s on his period guys

namjoon: you are actually asking to get beat up tae

and i am not helping you this time

tae: literally came out the womb swinging try me bitch

jk: i’m sjookso sad i can’t take thjids sigk lifeanymore

jimin: me when i’m illiterate and ugly

jk: i’m not ugly

jimin: so now you can spell?

jin: you must be ugly cuz how tf the girl you been chasing ur whole life going on a date with your best friend she’s known for like a few months 💀💀

y/n: i’ve known mingyu for way more than a few months what the hell

jk: OH MY GEJDOEENEJEJJEJE

GOADFAFDDDFFGAGAGAHSAHAJSJSHSSJSJZJSJSJSSJXHSJZJZHahjsshyshzgzhzhzhzhzhzzhHhaHzhzhzhzhzhBHbahababahzhshzhshshshshshshsgzhshshshshshshshshzzhshhzhhsh!/.£))/)/)/)>\>\>\\>\>>)/)/)6/)-71£-/).)/)/))/)/£..£

namjoon: he’ll get over it

jk: KILL MESHSJJSJSJSJSJSDJJSJEJEJEJDJJDJDJDJCNNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN/£:£:££:!:!;£;!;£:£;£;!;!;!;£;!;£;£,!,’xnznn-&2&2873&:&:&2&:&&2&:&&:/&£2&2&2&/&/£:£:£:!.!!,!!,!,!!!!!!!!!najsjsjsjsjjsjdjdjdjjdjjj&&.£££.£:!!.’dnsndjsjsjdidjdisiwjsjsjsjakxkxkjjdjdjdjjxjdjxj

namjoon: i hope

hobi: jhope?

jin: this is real sad i’m just saying

tae: tell me about it

ik ur going out with mingyu out of pity but you can’t give a guy false hope like

that yk?

jin: why in ur right mind would you ever think i’m agreeing with YOU?

tae: excuse me??

be on the right side of history jin

jimin: you should of died at birth or something

tae: i told you i came out swinging there is no way death could of taken me

i’m above it

y/n: ur above death?

tae: yeah why???

u think it’s hot?

jk: weLL IM NOT ABOVE IT AT ALL AND IM ABOUT TO KMS

jimin: thank god

yoongi: get a fucking grip

tae: yoongi square up

yoongi: fuck off

tae: you all witnessed it yoongi backed down

he shook in fear as the mighty kim taehyung raised his fist in rage

hobi: i feel empty

y/n: hobi are you ok?

hobi: are we about to kiss rn?

tae: TELL MINGYU AGAIN

GET THE SS

THIS ISNT ON

sHES A SLUTTTT

namjoon: tae shut up

like actually

tae: :(

jk: NAMJOON TELL HER

jimin: here we go

namjoon: ???

jk: PUT UR FOOT DOWN AS LEADER

SHE CANT GO TELL HER

NO DATING UNTIL SHES 30

namjoon: she’s a grown woman she can do what she wants

hobi: namjoon feminist president

jin: real

jk: UR NO LONGER COOL

AND U SHOULD OF NEVRF BEEN OUR LEADER

YOU LACK LEADERSHIP SKILLS

AND UR BALD NOW

FOR SOME REASON

U NASTY BALD MAN

I HATE YOU I HATE YOUUUUUUUUSHHSJDNX

y/n: i felt bad

but now i no longer do

i’m going

jimin: feminism on the riseeeee

kill all men!!!

hobi: ur a man?

jin: barely

jimin: do not fucking start with me you old hag

jin: OLD HAG???

jimin: YEAH GLAD YOU CAN READ

namjoon: sighs

hobi: it really frees ur emotions doesn’t it joon?

namjoon: yeah

sighs

jin: DONT BE MAD CUZ UR SCRAPING 5’4

jimin: EXCUSE ME???????

tae: i blame mingyu for all of this

yoongi: do you ever shut the fuck up???

tae: i was quite for a whole 5 minutes?

namjoon: sighs

jk: SO UR TELLING ME SHES GOING ON THJS DATE FOR REAL LIKE NO JOKE REAL LIFE??????????

hobi: wish i was super tuna jin rn

y/n: you guys are like bugs no matter how many times i step on you

you don’t die

namjoon: SIGHS

[badgalsasuke]

Hello! First of all, thank you! You’re doing god’s work with all those interviews right now and not being appreciated enough! You’re my comfort sns blog tbh. One of the few places I actually feel safe at.

Now back to the topic. I remember you talking about too many people, even SNS shippers, not giving Kishimoto’s work proper credit. They always joke about how he “unintentionally” made Naruto and Sasuke gay and how it’s actually interwoven with real life homophobia.

I’ve met a lot of such people too. Whenever I talk to someone about Kishimoto trying to address homophobia in the manga, everyone gives me weird looks and tells me there’s not such a moment.

As if the whole fucking story is not about two kids who are treated like outcasts because of something they can’t change about themselves. Yep, Naruto isn’t entirely about that. But how does looking at two boys who’s dealing with complicated feelings for each other, while other people are constantly insist on them breaking their bond because it’s wrong, not remind them about a big, common and well-known issue such as homophobia?

I refuse to believe it’s just blindness. They choose to ignore it.

It’s also crazy how many times Naruto is being told off, dismissed and side-eyed by people for just mentioning Sasuke or paying him “too much attention”.

☝️Well, it’s because Sasuke is a criminal.☝️☝️

Bullshit. Nobody has a problem with Sakura liking him. The girl literally harasses him! Fuck, too many girls might’ve harassed him for all those years and no one bat an eye, but when Naruto simply said he didn’t want him to be killed, everyone is fucking judging.

This fandom is fucked up and I’m not sure if there’s a way to fix it.

I’m still wondering how Kishimoto is going to handle Sasuke and Naruto’s ending tho. I still have a little bit of hope they’ll die in a very ambiguous, but also telling way. Them dying will still be enough actually.

Hi anon!

I appreciate from the bottom of my heart that y'all are liking the interview archive project! because truth to be told is y'all the sns fandom the reason why I'm doing it in the first place, I want us to have them readily available.

Whenever I talk to someone about Kishimoto trying to address homophobia in the manga, everyone gives me weird looks and tells me there’s not such a moment.

It's weird because that's a big part of Naruto's (the character) writing. In one chapter he's feeling sexually aroused by Sasuke, in another he overreacts in disgust when Kurama reminds him he's only ever kissed Sasuke. He spends more time practicing the reverse harem no jutsu full of beautiful gorgeous men than rasengan but also when he encounters the giant possum (was it a possum? lol) he thought was female but ended up being male he says "even if heaven and earth switch places, a boy will always be a boy" or something like that which. He's incredibly possessive of Sasuke and finds him very attractive and at the same has zero interest in heterosexual porn but he was brought up by Jiraiya, who seems to be homophobic. Like, Kishimoto did write on Naruto's repression and internalized homophobia and everyone outside of some SNS shippers seem to ignore it.

It’s also crazy how many times Naruto is being told off, dismissed and side-eyed by people for just mentioning Sasuke or paying him “too much attention”.

Exactly!!! Kishimoto is making a point here! why is everyone in-universe so uncomfortable with Naruto and Sasuke's bond? Because it's not deemed "normal" in that universe either, they know something's up. But if you bring it up people will say "shonen is inherently homoerotic. All male best friends act like that in anime" well, not in Naruto! it makes the other characters uncomfortable for a reason.

☝️Well, it’s because Sasuke is a criminal.☝️☝️ Bullshit. Nobody has a problem with Sakura liking him.

This! No one in the Naruto universe has expressed discomfort at Sakura for liking Sasuke even when everyone wanted him dead. On the contrary, they pity her because "oh poor her, suffering from love! how dare Sasuke make her feel like this!". Sakura's suffering for love is acceptable and even object of sympathy by other characters like Sai or Kakashi. But Naruto is constantly criticized, shunned and even physically assaulted for having the same feelings. Like, no one ever beat up Sakura for wanting to save Sasuke.

I’m still wondering how Kishimoto is going to handle Sasuke and Naruto’s ending tho. I still have a little bit of hope they’ll die in a very ambiguous, but also telling way. Them dying will still be enough actually.

I also think they're gonna die together but it's not gonna be ambiguous, Kishimoto's insane ass is gonna have them die at the same fucking time, I'm telling you it's gonna be "our heartbeats stopping at the same time" type of shit, I can sense it.

[bugs1nmybrain]

Clingy!Tomura x Fem!Reader - Headcanons

Minors Don't Interact

Warnings: NSFW, submissive Tomura, mommy kink!!, mdlb, attachment issues, shiggy being a lil bitch, clingy Tomura, toxic relationship, pegging/anal sex (shiggy receiving), I am unhinged

I wanted a longer one shot but I have too many thoughts so here they are. Idk what's gotten into me. There will probably be a part two. I'm sleepy

So for starters, Shigaraki is a confusing dude because that whole "I hate everything" complex is almost completely reversed when it comes to you unless he has a legitimate reason to be mad at you. He loves you

He is clingy, and if he's not doing something important, he is totally hanging off of you. He's the type to follow you to the bathroom because he just can't get enough of your company. He doesn't care that it's weird

Will deny that he is so dependent on you!! Don't believe him. He will prove himself otherwise shortly after when he's rambling at you about how it's stupid that you have to go to work and "leave him stranded"

This guy has never received positive female attention since he was a child, and even then, he only got it from girls who betrayed his trust

So if you hold a sort of protective energy toward him and don't hesitate to stand up for him, he will ADORE you

That "motherly" affection you give him makes him choke and awakens a boy who was never loved properly. It's not as twisted as it sounds, he just feels at home with you, and when you baby him and treat him like a prince his heart pounds so much and his cheeks go red.

The mommy kink starts as a joke

You'll ask him to do something in an assertive tone and he's just "Yes mommy :)"

And you'll go "👀"

Then he just roles with it, and calls you mommy at random times just to piss you off

It's not until you both discover that you have a rather nurturing side that it becomes a regular thing that turns both of you on

It's sexual at first. When you take charge and spoil him, ask him what he needs, and pleasure him in the exact ways you know makes him cum hard, he'll be pleading.

"Fuuuck, Mommy pleeeaase! Please make me cum, please, mommy!!"

"Mmm pleaseee. I've been a good boy, fuuuck mommy!"

Once you do, he's begging you to come snuggle with him. He'll rest his head on your boobs and hold on for dear life.

He loves roaming his hands on your body and feeling how soft and plushy you are compared to his rather rigid and toned figure.

You're cozy! He feels like he's grabbing a teddy bear

His favorite spots to grab are your waist, butt, and tummy

Sometimes his fingers wander to your cunt compulsively because he just doesn't think

Oh great god he loves your pussy so much

Your pussy is enough to save him. So warm and wet, and when you slam yourself down on him when you ride him it drives him crazy. If he's on top, he's pounding you so deep. He doesn't even mean to hurt you (a little bit of a lie), he just can't get enough of your insides. He feels great though, don't mistake that.

Once he figures out how to touch you properly, he is abusing his powers for evil

Will eagerly eat you out and suck on your tits. He's has a tiny oral fixation.

Tomura was a virgin before you. Not spiritually, but he'd never fucked anyone. Some stuff online and a criminal amount of porn, though? Yea

Thay first time came quickly (and so did he) because the day you met, there was a potent chemistry between you two.

He brought up the "peg" word first

He was a little anxious but he'd played with himself in that area in the past on himself. Not extensively, but he knew it was a place of pleasure for him

Admittedly it feels great for him if you're generous with lube but when you did it at first, it hurt like a bitch

It doesn't matter if you're tall or much shorter than him, he wants you to treat him like your little boy.

Caress him and coo to him. He needs you to tell him how special he is to you and how much you love him. He needs to hear how perfect he is for you, and that you accept him.

If you play with his hair, he might cry

Actually, on the topic of crying, you're probably the only person he'll cry around. And it's because he trusts you not to judge him or put him down for it. He also knows that he can come to you and that you'll hold him and be there to comfort him through it. His hatred and bottled up sadness cracks up and when you let him release it into your shoulder, ..sometimes the mommy word slips out

He has a huge fear that you'll leave him. And you'd have every right. He'd have all the power to finish you off. Tomura doesn't have that rage toward you, at least he doesn't believe or want that. That said, he usually ends up confiding in you, usually a little pissed, but ultimately, he's sad

"I lo-*hic*I love you*hic*I love you mommy.. *hic*??*hicc* d-do you hate me?? I'm sorry!! Dont leave"

Please reassure him that he's enough, and that you love him as he is

If you bless him with kisses all over his face he'll cackle like a little bitch

He'll retaliate and yell at you to "fuckin' stop!!" but when you do it's an instant "mommyyyy no come back!"

He loves just laying in bed and having pillow talk while you caress his face, hair, shoulders, back. He even loves you pulling at his waist. Fuck he just loves you when you love up on him, too

he finally has someone to care for him in a genuine, loving, adoring way.

He is such a goober around you and is very affectionate, but in front of his guys? It's complicated

He likes showing you off, yea. And he isn't afraid to give you a kiss or touch you around them. But that intimate, wholesome side of it? Noo. He needs his "don't fuck with me" reputation to stick.

He is clingy in an unhealthy way, too, and insecure. If you don't give him the right amount of attention, he's worrying about it. He begs you to tell him what he did wrong or if you hate him. If you're gone too long, he misses you so damn much!

If you call him simple things like "baby boy" or even "Tomura" in a sweet tone of voice, he will melt

He loves you

It's his absolute favorite thing if you wake him in the night and stroke his cock, kiss him all over his neck and tell him how pretty he is. His masculinity isn't that fragile, not when it's just you and him at least. He has a little bit of a somnophilia kink, receiving and giving

He wants to feel adored and cared about. Protected.

He'll protect you too! No one will ever lay a finger on his mommy, and if they do, it's game over

[gallusrostromegalus]

Any weird Soul Society specific superstions for care and maintenance of one's Zanpaktou?

There's a joke rumor that goes around Shinigami Academy that if you've tried everything else and your zanpaktou STILL isn't talking to you, you can always try getting into mortal danger so it has to come out and save your ass to save your own. The faculty loudly maintains that is false and even considering it is a great way to fuck up your spiritual connection with it. The problem is that unfortunately, the rumor is true- even the most stubborn zanpaktou tend to have at least one survival instinct and will force their wielders to fight their way out of a life-or-death situation. But the teachers are right that it WILL permanently fuck up your relationship with a sword if you intentionally harm yourself for it's attention, and it's important to note that just because your zanpaktou manifested, that doesn't mean either of you are strong or skilled enough to get out of your dipshit situation you caused.

A more commonly advised bonding practice is to practice putting trust in your sword and learning about its preferences by picking one day a month where it's in charge and you do everything it says. EVERYTHING. If your sword tells you to walk off a cliff, start walking - the key here is to teach the sword spirit that not only do you trust it, it's also responsible for you and can't go around giving you bad advice for shits and giggles. Most sword spirits never ask their wielders to do something dangerous, but they do ask to go see a weird movie or for their person to eat an unusual food so they can taste it by proxy, and thus the wielder gets used to trusting them and thinking of the spirit as a person unto themselves.

Doing proper maintenance on your weapon is an important bonding activity and the first time a zanpaktou has to be taken to a smithy to be properly re-sharpened is often a nerve-wracking experience for both sword and shinigami, a bit like a child's first doctor's appointment.

A practice that is not *recommended* but most people do anyway and that works is sharing gossip. Sword spirits can see each other when they choose to manifest, and have friendships and rivalries and THAT BITCH FROM THAUMATURGY CLASS YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE - and likewise, since sword spirits spend so much time resting they want to hear all the updates on the wielder's friends and family and rivals and OH MY GOD YOU NEED TO HEAR WHAT THAT MORON WHO TEACHES O-CHEM DID NOW-

Sometimes, a sword will bond with someone very deeply, very fast. There's a superstition that shinigami who bond with and master their zanpaktou quickly are either destined for greatness or to burn out and drop out of the court guard just as fast. Neither is true, actually. They're not prone to grand destiny or burnout any more than people who take a normal or long time to bond with their zanpaktou. They are more likely to get thrown out of the guard for really weird crimes though.

On the other end of the spectrum, if it takes a long time to bond with your zanpaktou, there might be something wrong with you. The rumor isn't *totally* unfounded- the main thing that keeps people from bonding with others is, you know, unresolved emotional issues, the same thing that prevents less stabby relationships. But it's just as likely that it's the sword is the one that's snake fuckingly crazy.

[lilac-hecox]

i remember some of those losers on twitter were implying/joking with their other loser friends that damien was trying to push the ship for his popularity sake (their ego and and how important they think their warped perspectives are to the creators they are fan of as an incular little community is laughable btw) because he dared to mention angela a couple times. (im not even gonna get into how infantalizing it is to be this protective over 30 something year old capable adult woman. but i guess you can only be infantalizing to men!! women dont count as adult humans capable of controling their own narrative i guess lol) or they would imply he was being weird and obsessed because god forbid he had something to say about his coworker he clearly values and likes a lot because she is talented and lovely (this is something only the parasocial angela stans on twitter can notice and appreciate not the people who know her real life!!! nope!!!) just like he does with his other coworkers/friends btw. he also mentions them when its in the right context. shocking concept! (i remember him mentioning how chanse gives good level-headed fashion advice and how gentle he is with it how erin/spencer are so funny etc etc on his streams but nobody is clipping that because it doesnt fit an anti-shipper or shipper narrative!) these are types of fanfics/headcannons a hardcore shipper would come up with btw, i always notice how hardcore shippers acts the same delusional ways with antishippers but with narratives shifted a little, jokingly or not. they are made from the cloth lmao. there are some stans that loove taking largely innocuous stuff like this to fit their narrative about what damiens true intentions are over every little normal human things he does because they are obsessed with their idea of him as this uniquely bad dude that i think actually reflects who THEY are on the inside :) just my humble little opinion/rant. i really dont think they are that important or have much power btw. just annoying and loud in their own community which goes away easily if you mute it/ignore it. which i did for a longtime but this weird shit they are doing sparked some hidden ire i guess lol, all fan spaces have weirdos like this. i have been in a kpop fandom before and its so funny how these people are doing the same stupid ship wars over a youtube/improve troop. im sure they also partake in similar fandoms before just like this. talking about biases being obsessed with lineups etc all are kpop standom language. its that type of behavior a fanship/parasocial relashiship driven mega industry cultivated spilling over every little micro fandom now. /this is just my weird theory that explains some of the off putting behaviors i've seen, in my experience at least.

It is wild to me just how much Damien is hated over there on smoshtwt, and people are attacked for stanning him. The same for the crazy amount of hate damangela gets as a ship.

I think it's unfortunate that damangela stuff cropped up after shourtney came out as married so people began suspecting that people shipped damien and Angela in the same way?

Also, admittedly, there is a lot of infantilizing of both Damien and Angela by their respective fans.

I think it really just needs to be an issue of blocking/muting antis like you said!