#isn't it exhausting to be so mean and so selfish. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jensettermandu · 4 months

Text

vampire - aeri uchinaga

genre; angst, fluff (not much), sfw

pairing; giselle x female reader

content; unhealthy relationship; poor communication, 'i can fix her' - aeri, 'hot and cold' - y/n, arguments, jealousy, and toxicity in general. 6th member of lsfm, 01' liner.

synopsis; aeri can't help but feel like she's in a relationship with a vampire the way her girlfriend bleeds her dry, but she also can't help but continue to feed into all of her whims and desires despite it feeling like she isn't getting a drop of blood back.

wc; 7.6k+

songs; big city blues - lil peep , risqué - cute is what we aim for , tragic girl - weezer , candles - juice wrld , your favourite dress - lil peep/lil tracy

masterlist

“I missed you,”

Aeri expected to hear the same words back, but she should have known better, however, Y/n was impossible to read most of the time. It had been over a year yet Aeri felt like she was at times still on the same page as when she first talked to the girl.

Y/N was impossible to learn because she changed more than the weather. Her girlfriend was hard to love, but even harder to understand for anyone, yet Aeri was putting her whole heart on the line and would always take a leap of faith for Y/n. There was no transparency to her, but there were cracks at times.

It wasn’t Y/n that messed up, but Aeri saying these words of affection after longing for someone she viewed as her other half. She shouldn’t have said that she had been longing after her. It wasn’t even metaphorical; a wall dropped down between them and Y/n was no longer in her arms.

“Yeah well, you wouldn’t miss me so much if you decided to spend more time with me.”

She forgot how cold the nights could get at times, especially when they weren’t in each other’s arms. The days ran busy and nights were used to suffice exhaustion and she knew that she had spent less time with her girlfriend. Y/n was high-maintenance as her friends had told her; Y/n’s friends included.

It didn’t help that they both lived in dorms and it did limit them at times.

Y/n was also hot and cold.

Their meetings felt almost like secret affairs which Y/n would complain about now and then. The quiet–in Aeri’s opinion serene and intimate–rendezvous after dark with just them and no one else around as they would walk along the sidewalks, talking, gazing, sharing a bond and intimacy.

The wind somewhat howled as it blew from the corner of the apartment building’s rounding. Aeri had yet to move as she watched Y/n’s slim figure walking away from her, the only small light being the one from the girl’s phone.

How much sacrifice was love worth?

Aeri wasn’t going to put a limit now; she was ready to go until she dropped dead with no heart left to keep her alive because Y/n had consumed it all; blood and flesh because she was aware of how selfish the girl could be. She could hand her her heart, but Y/n would grab her whole and rip her to shreds to fulfil her hunger; with Aeri possibly getting something back.

It didn’t end there because Y/n would then spit her right back out.

It was what she wanted in the end; for Y/n to just want her too, no matter how she wanted her as long as she did even if the girl didn’t want her after.

Could she blame Y/n? No. She was aware that her girlfriend had been through a lot, that it all led to walls being put up and that whenever something was off the smallest amount; new walls dropped. Aeri was willing to sacrifice for her love; she was stuck with the mentality of being able to help Y/n.

One step forward could at times mean ten steps backwards though.

It had been a long day, she should have been back in the dorm, sleeping, they were still promoting their new album. Aeri was drained as it was, but she was offering herself for Y/n’s sake.

“Y/n, I’m not in the mood to run after you tonight.” Her tone was somewhere between pleading yet firm, walking a thin line because she knew what the wrong type of tone led to.

“As if I could expect that from you.” She barely caught it and shoved her hands into her pants pockets, refusing to follow.

Her eyes stuck on the girl who was taking long yet languid steps, dressed in a black skirt, ripped tights, white tank top with a zip-up that was sliding down her shoulder. Aeri’s zip-up hoodie as she stood in just her t-shirt after giving it to Y/n.

How long did she stand still? Fighting the urge so she wouldn’t run after Y/n like she always did. It was as if something was pulling her after the girl, perhaps the invincible collar that Y/n had on her while at the same time, she tried to fight against its every tug.

She remembered what truly had pulled her towards the girl, to begin with, and what tied her to Y/n. It was physical attraction when she first saw her, then came the attraction after seeing how similar they were in interests to aesthetics and at last, she spoke to the girl and realised that she would fall.

She did.

Aeri walked right after Y/n because she wasn’t going to limit her love for the girl. There was no love without pain, right? Y/n was worth getting hurt for, she was sure that she could mend what was shattered inside her girlfriend, but it would only be possible if she followed her even if it was blindly.

“Okay wait.” She gave in at last as she took a few long strides towards her girlfriend, slipping her hand into Y/n’s. Maybe those constant texts and calls weren’t enough throughout the days; she could do more than text and call.

Her fingers intertwined with Y/n’s who looked at her with her piercing gaze, the one that devoured Aeri from the outside. However, it would eat long enough until she was consumed whole.

“I wanna take you on a date, I have a day off Monday.” She could make it up, she always did even if she wasn’t sure if there was much she had to make up for. Aeri would still do it for Y/n. It wasn’t like she could do much about her schedule, but there was always a way to give more than she already had.

She refused to let Y/n slip through her fingers.

The wall was still there and she knew that she needed to make up for it to come back down. Y/n would be distant, it would be cold, again, until those icebergs melted.

Y/n looked uninterested, her eyes vacant and Aeri always tried to occupy them. To fit into Y/n’s gaze, to reflect in her eyes and to feel seen. At times she wondered if Y/n’s heart at least sped up at times because of her, if it was even beating to begin with. How did someone manage to be so cold yet magnetise like a warm fire?

She reached her hand up to the girl’s face as the wind blew, fixing the loose strands of layered hair. “Fine–” She pursed her lips as Y/n moved her face away and dropped her hand. It did ache, it did make a fear run across her spine; how much did she mess up this time? When would she pushed away far enough by Y/n to lose her? Why was she always so apprehensive around Y/n? “I still want to go home, I’m tired.”

What had it been? 30 minutes since they met up? Aeri spent more time getting to the place together with getting back than she had spent with her girlfriend. It was still worth it. Those 30 minutes with Y/n were worth it. She had grown to realise that it was better to take whatever she got at times.

She had missed the girl in the end after the distance between them due to work.

“Y/n,” Aeri started as they stood face to face, Y/n’s gaze didn’t falter while hers had to wander away every three seconds. “I’m sorry, I promise to make it up to you.”

“I know. You promise each time.”

She swallowed down the heaviness of not being able to take care of Y/n like she wanted to and always tried to. She was only able to speculate what could be going through Y/n’s head at the moment or ever for that matter. It felt like she had never been let inside; it wasn’t a feeling, it was the truth. That was why she clutched the small crumbs dearly.

“I’m for real this time.”

“I’m aware.”

An awkwardness fell upon her, knowing that she made more promises than she could handle. She at times had to cancel because of work. She still made up every time, yet every time it still got distant from Y/n’s side.

“Are you mad?”

“No.” That meant yes, she knew that much about her girlfriend. Aeri would say that she was thankful that Y/n’s manager pulled over by the curb, saving her from any more opportunities to mess up again.

She couldn’t just let her go like that, “I love you,” she reminded and for a moment she hesitated. Aeri leaned in and got the cheek turned to her which she settled for. “Yeah, love you.” The words felt thrown and she was fully aware that Y/n was mad at her despite all her efforts to see her amidst her busy schedule as the car drove off.

“Awh, that’s so cute.” Yunjin cooed, being quicker to the gift by Y/n’s makeup spot than the girl herself. The other girl walked around Yunjin and took her seat in the makeup chair as the green room was starting to crowd.

A cute black bat plushie, Y/n rolled her eyes, her hands reached for the small envelope stuck to it together with a blood-red rose. She opened it, somewhat already expecting what would be said. Aeri often sent her gifts, but the older tended to send them more often on these occasions.

‘I’m packed today, but I fixed everything for you, I will call you when I get home. Love you <3’

Aeri’s care was overwhelming and Y/n couldn’t figure out if she was overcaring, overdoing it just to fool her or if it was out of genuine care and love. It only filled up the balloon of anxiety and distrust towards her girlfriend instead of doing the opposite for Y/n. What were her intentions? People always had ulterior motives, didn’t they? Was anyone just nice to be nice?

Y/n knew what love was.

“What did it say?” Yunjin’s curiosity never subsided as she found herself more nosy than Y/n would deem acceptable.

“The same.” She mumbled, haphazardly handing the note to her side and the girl beside her took it.

“I think it’s the thought that counts, she could have just sent a text.”

Why would Aeri go out of her way? It only made Y/n run more leery.

It wasn’t the same words every time, but each time she wouldn’t be able to talk throughout the days she sent gifts and other things. Was it to make up for it? Y/n had no clue.

Y/n would prefer a short text over the care.

She reached for the plushie and looked over her shoulder at the glimpse of a shadow that passed them. “Eunchae–” The girl was cut short by Yunjin who grabbed hold of the plushie, catching the rose that was about to fall.

“No, you can’t just give it away.” She clicked her tongue and grabbed the stuff, the note included before she turned around and handed it over to a passing manager who would bring it to the car.

Yunjin was close with Aeri; she was the one who gave her Y/n’s number and was there when they first met as it was disguised as a casual hangout. She was the one who without Y/n’s knowledge possibly slipped up and mentioned that Y/n was high maintenance, but would also draw back despite wanting care. It was an accident. All in all, she was always there for Y/n as her friend.

“It’s only a matter of time until she retreats and leaves me to grasp for crumbs. It’s always the same.” Y/n muttered, looking over her nails, trying not to give into the overwhelming emotions that continued to fill the balloon every day. There was a reason to let Aeri close, but not too close, too close meant that she could hurt her if she let all the walls down.

“Why not talk to her about it then?” Y/n’s eyes moved up and looked in the mirror at Sakura’s voice who sat down on the chair beside her. They carefully moved to Yunjin for reassurance of what she thought about those words, but all she got was an unfortunate nod of agreement.

“About what?”

“Your insecurities, fears, the fact that you’ve had terrible experiences with your previous partners.” Yunjin started to list the things, not beating around the bush, however, her tone held genuine care and compassion to try and help her friend.

“So she can use it against me?” Was the first thing that came to Y/n’s mind at the suggestion, making the two older girls share a look; it wasn’t as easy as they wished it was. Y/n too wished it was easier, but when she found warmth and comfort behind cold walls, it was hard to let them down. If something happened before, what reassured her that it wouldn’t happen again?

Just because it was Aeri, didn’t mean that it couldn’t happen. Y/n was aware that she could never completely know someone; never 100% and that she would always have to trust her for her words. The issue was that Y/n couldn’t do that; trust gestures or words.

“Why would she do that?” Sakura genuinely questioned and Y/n got up from her seat at the call of her manager about food; yet another gesture of Aeri to make sure that she ate.

“I already regret telling any of you anything at all.” The girl honestly spoke as the help only got overwhelming because it left her in more conflict.

“That’s not very nice of you.” She pushed past Yunjin, ignoring her further complaints about being hurt as she grabbed Kazuha to eat with her instead.

Not let Aeri close enough to hurt her.

Aeri sighed and tossed her phone to the side, trying to figure out what she did wrong this time. At this point, she was close to believing that she possibly sent the wrong type of food to the girl. It was ridiculous and she was painfully aware of it yet she did nothing about it, but continued trying.

She couldn’t help the fact that she cared, being fully aware that Y/n wanted her to care even if it left her misled because of how Y/n also pushed her away.

The darkness in her room was lit up as she got a notification and she blindly reached for her phone.

: stuck at practice, let’s talk later

: ok, lemme know when you’re back

: Love you, take care and don’t push yourself too far

She watched as the message was read, but she got nothing sent back which elicited a groan from between her lips. The guessing game was impossible to win; did Y/n want her to care or not? Did she want an ‘I love you’ or not? If she did and Aeri didn’t send it to her she would grow cold, but if she didn’t want it and she still sent it, Aeri felt like a fool.

This was the girlfriend she wanted, this was the girlfriend she fed her every drop of blood to the way she sucked her dry and left her with no energy.

With the phone resting on her chest she stared at the dark ceiling, it was nearing midnight and all she wanted to do was talk on the phone with Y/n until she would doze off. All she wanted to do was make sure that Y/n wasn’t overworking herself and that she was fine, but she didn’t want to be too much at the moment. Aeri figured that Y/n needed her space after the staleness that grew after they saw each other.

In the end, guessing was all that she could do.

She was snapped out of it when the door opened, saving her from the overthinking that always turned melancholic.

Y/n learned that she could probably stare at the messages with her girlfriends for hours as she waited for an answer. It was past midnight and she was in the car with Chaewon who she had stayed behind with.

It had been a good ten minutes since she texted Aeri.

She didn’t have the time to reply earlier; at least that was her excuse to make herself seem less cold. It left her guilty otherwise because she did care, but how did she show that without having to be vulnerable? Without having to let her girlfriend closer?

Ten minutes of waiting for an answer.

Ten minutes too long.

She left the chat and opened her socials. The girl sunk into her seat, biting the nail of her thumb as she felt that green garden growing inside her. Aeri wasn’t obliged to be live on Instagram with Minjeong, ignoring her texts or at least not answering them. She didn’t like feeling jealous, it always made her melt into a miserable puddle that had no clue how to express it because of the susceptibility it made her feel.

She hated that one person was able to affect her this much. That one person was able to hurt her at any moment. That something this small could affect her at times.

At least an answer would make her feel better, but Aeri seemed too busy with her friend. Was it because she had accidentally let Aeri past too many walls? Her fingers wouldn’t be trembling from overwhelming emotions if she had kept her at arm's length. It meant that she had let her closer than she dared.

Grief turned to anger and Y/n could only blame herself for being vulnerable enough to get hurt by this. To get hurt in the first place.

Aeri knew that she was in shambles when Y/n hadn’t replied to her texts, she replied exactly 15 minutes later, and all her calls had led to the automated voicemail. She had gone to bed, barely able to sleep, without any goodnight or I love you, and there hadn’t been any answers in the morning either.

Her last hope had been Yunjin. Her schedule had come to an end at around 7 P.M. With still no answer from her girlfriend, she called Yunjin. Even though it wasn’t the first time that she had been ignored for hours, it still left her worried each time.

It somewhat irked Aeri to hear that Y/n had been at the company building the whole day and didn’t have more than the practice that ended at noon. It irked her that she had been ignoring Aeri without letting her know why, all she knew was that she somehow messed up. How? When? What was it? What did she do? She had to guess, again.

What irked her the most after her call with Yunjin was that Y/n was with Kazuha.

She wouldn’t have minded if she had at least gotten a single reply.

It wasn’t something she could help, but she had always been the slightest bit jealous when it came to Kazuha. Oh how much she hated it, to be jealous of someone who was Y/n’s group member. However, she felt like she had every right to hate it and be pissed about the proximity of Y/n and Kazuha’s relationship.

What was she angry about while sitting in the back of the car? That green mixed with red, angry about how the girl was always there when Aeri messed up and was always the one comforting her girlfriend. Someone had to, that someone should be Aeri, but instead, whenever she wanted to apologise, make up for it, and be there for Y/n…Kazuha was somehow always already there, witnessing Aeri at her worst while soothing Y/n, making it look like she only knew how to hurt and mess up.

Far from the truth. She hoped. Aeri had managed to grow insecure as their relationship progressed; regressed would be a better term.

What hurt the most was that deep down she was aware that Y/n possibly didn’t trust her enough to find comfort in her.

All she wanted was for Y/n to open up to her. All she got was drained while watching her girlfriend open up to someone else about the problems of their relationship, but never to her. She had tried to bring them up, but it had always been a one-sided conversation.

“Does she think that I’m enough? I get shut out when I mess up, I get shut out when she opens up…I’m honestly so confused at times.” Aeri frowned, unsure where she got the urge to suddenly start spilling out her feelings to Yunjin. There had been a heavy feeling in her chest, she wanted to be perfect for Y/n, to care for her and love her.

“I’m not even sure how I messed up this time.” She somewhat exclaimed in exhaustion, her voice leaving that timid whisper-like tone, with her arms gesturing outwards before falling to her sides.

Aeri sighed to gather herself and not get too emotional, knowing well that Y/n and love were a sensitive topic for her because she loved her so much that she couldn’t love more. It was frustrating enough that she couldn’t show it in any more ways.

She stared at the metal doors of the elevator they were in and looked to her side as Yunjin squeezed her shoulder to comfort her.

“I don’t think it’s that.” Yunjin shortly replied, sounding like she may had an idea what it would be.

Aeri raised her eyebrows in question at the words. Yunjin looked off to the side at the numbers that went up about to reach the floor. She clicked her tongue and heaved a sigh–probably not in the position to make statements–she knew what it was in the end.

“It’s not because you mess up that she distances herself—” Yunjin started and took the first steps towards the doors that had slid open as she quietly finished, “it’s because you don’t.”

Aeri has put up with it, she had been standing in Y/n’s burning home despite being far from fireproof. She put up with the pain for Y/n, willing to stand in what was her home that was burning; Y/n’s whole world was on fire. Aeri wanted to put it out and help her see that just because the inside of a home was up in flames: it didn’t mean that everything outside of it was burning to the ground too.

It seemed to have a different outcome and her not messing up, showing how much love there was, only made the fire ablaze and out of control.

She wasn’t going to stop though.

A long pause came—a silence that no one breached for the next few seconds—when Yunjin opened the door to the room where Y/n was. Kazuha included of course.

Jealousy bubbled inside her, Aeri never wanted to be that type, but it was impossible when it came to Y/n. The small couch was occupied by the two, Y/n’s legs thrown over Kazuha’s and they barely made an effort to look at them until Yunjin called for the younger.

She felt stupid, but her heart knew what it felt and why it hurt, why it made her feel sick. She had too many feelings for Y/n to not feel like a part of her would rot every time she got jealous. It was ugly in the end, but she couldn’t help it when she saw someone she tried everything for open up within seconds to someone who wasn’t her.

She bunched up the material of her jacket as she watched Y/n lift her head from Kazuha’s shoulder who unwrapped her arms from around her waist. Her eyes fell on Y/n who was already looking back at her and amongst all this, at least her presence was acknowledged and not ignored, Aeri already felt foolish enough.

The door closed after they left and Y/n leaned back on the couch, crossing her legs as she looked at her nails while picking at them. She knew what was wrong, she knew that Aeri would show up at some point, however, she had hoped that she wouldn’t because it would be easier to stay upset. To blame her for something (anything) and push her away for it even if Y/n had wanted nothing more than to spend a day with the girl who sat down on the other end of the couch.

Arms distance was still better, wasn’t it?

“Why do you treat me like–” Aeri started but stopped, her lips pursed and she took in a breath, deciding to consider her words first. With a sigh she averted her gaze towards her girlfriend, barely being able to feel her presence because of the walls that the girl had put between them.

Was she supposed to get on her knees and beg for forgiveness? Was Aeri supposed to let Y/n tug her closer by the collar she had on her like always? To give in the way she always did. She had been patient for so long and nothing was working, the only thing she wanted was for it to work. It wouldn’t, not if she kept avoiding everything wrong for Y/n’s sake if she ignored it because Y/n didn’t want to ever talk about it.

She had been doing everything for the girl, but nothing for their relationship to actually work out like it should.

“I don’t like how close you two are at times,” Aeri admitted, deciding to be truthful, to be open about the ugliness that didn’t have to be there if they only talked about it.

She for the first time in the one year they had been together brought up a problem without beating around the bush; Y/n always ran away from all problems, especially if she tried to talk about them and it made Aeri look like a terrible person.

“It was fine for you to be all over Minjeong on live though, I wasn’t comfortable with that.” In contrast to Aeri’s calm tone, Y/n spat venom at her. She could see the walls growing taller by the second as it started right after she brought it up. It was always the same, nothing changed yet it always hurt no matter how used she was to it.

“I wasn’t all over her, plus we were live, obviously I will be a bit closer and you know it yourself Y/n. We are in the same industry.” Her fingers threaded through her hair, sighing at the emotions that were bubbling inside her chest. “What I don’t understand is why you would be so close to her when no cameras or fans are watching. I get it, but there is a limit even between friends.” In the end, Aeri wouldn’t mind, but it was a bit too much for her to be comfortable with it.

It could be mistaken; Kazuha could be mistaken for Y/n’s girlfriend and Aeri for her friend.

Y/n could feel the walls closing in on her, she had always found comfort in the walls she put up. These walls were ones that Aeri was pushing past and it was all closing in on her, leaving her with no room to breathe. All she needed was a way out before it would become overwhelming and she would be unable to breathe. Aeri was getting too close–arm's length, she was past that–and Y/n wanted to run, but her feet were stuck to the ground.

“Maybe because my girlfriend doesn’t have the time to give me what I need. I needed to talk to you, I wanted to be with you—” All her defences went up as she tried her best to crawl into her shell of safety in case Aeri managed to crumble her walls. “You were too busy being on a live you weren’t obliged to be part of.” The girl scoffed out, in disbelief.

Y/n hated how gently the girl was doing it, that she wasn’t wrecking them like everyone else had always done. All those times her walls were forcefully broken down and she was wrecked together with those walls. Why couldn’t Aeri wreck all her walls and her like the rest? Why couldn’t she hurt her and be familiar?

It made red lights go off in Y/n’s head as she stood up from the couch. One thing in mind: Aeri was coming in softly and would wreck her, ruin her worse than anyone else had managed to do because she would have Y/n in her arms when doing it. She would get close enough for it to hurt more than anyone had been able to hurt her because she would be on the inside.

Love had turned into logic for Y/n; this was like a trojan horse.

“You were too busy taking care of someone else, someone who you see every day.”

“I’m always there for you though, I just happened to be away from my phone for a few minutes and you made it a big deal.” She reasoned, watching the girl anxiously pull on the sleeves of her sweater. Even if the girl was a closed and locked book, Aeri could read Y/n when it came to certain things. She took her time to analyse the small details on the outside and the tiny peeks she got on the inside.

Enough to know that everything was burning on the inside. Enough to know that Y/n was doing everything to turn it around and make it easier for herself to push away Aeri again.

“Why do you invalidate my feelings, Aeri? You don’t know what I felt or what I feel and when I try to tell you about it, you say it’s the opposite.”

And she knew enough to know that it would start draining her again. Aeri didn’t want to fight with Y/n so she caved before she even managed to start. She felt like Y/n’s marionette, however, she was fully aware of how she was controlled and bent to her master’s every whim and desires.

“Hey–” She clicked her tongue and grabbed hold of Y/n’s hand, gently pulling the girl over to her. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like your feelings aren’t valid, they are and always will be.” It came with ease, to give into Y/n came naturally to her as she pulled the girl to sit down beside her on the couch. “I shouldn’t have said that.” She continued, being okay with being wrong as long as Y/n was there.

Y/n couldn’t determine whether or not she liked that Aeri gave in the way she did. She expected her to fight, to drill on until Y/n couldn’t defend herself until she was destroyed. No matter how much her mind told her to run, her heart melted as she got pulled into a hug. It was an embrace she had always needed from someone who was more than a friend, even if it was scary it was comforting.

It was hard to distinguish whether it was excitement or fear that she felt at the moment, but she loved the feeling. She loved Aeri.

Aeri rested her chin on Y/n’s shoulder, pulling her closer at the tickling feeling of the girl’s breath hitting her neck who ended up in her lap, sitting sideways. Her eyes glanced down and she intertwined her fingers with Y/n’s, caressing the smooth skin with the tenderness she had for her. This was all she wanted.

“I love you, Y/n.” She reminded her that all that she did in the end was love and care for her.

It followed with a small silence as she stared ahead at the empty wall, she wasn’t worried because she knew where Y/n’s heart lay. Not necessarily fully in her hands, but she could touch it with her fingertips and feel its pulse.

“I love you,” Y/n loved her even if she had yet to fully trust her.

Aeri lifted her chin as Y/n pulled back and she looked up at the girl in her lap, her hand caressing the small of her back. It was these moments where there were cracks in Y/n’s walls and it made Aeri’s heart speed up at the vulnerability she could see in Y/n’s eyes. It sped up because of the relief knowing it was possible to delicately get past those walls, but it also sped up in fear; knowing it was only a matter of time before that one step forward would end up with ten steps back.

She untangled her fingers and moved her hand over to Y/n’s face who this time didn’t pull away, but leaned in as she pushed aside her hair before cradling her cheek in her palm. Their eyes met, Y/n’s fingers fiddled with the baby hairs at her nape, her arms loosely around her shoulders.

“Is it okay if I kiss you?” She asked, not wanting to feel her chest tighten at the girl turning her cheek again. Her eyes glanced down at the full lips, the girl’s tongue coming out and poking at the corner of her glossy lips.

A mere ghost brushed past her lips when Y/n leaned closer before letting Aeri close the little space left between them. Y/n couldn’t deny that she loved how Aeri kissed her, how she held her, how she took care of her, and how tender and filled with love it all was. She loved how it made her heart go into a crescendo.

Yet Aeri cared too much—she had always been caring and it wasn’t obnoxiously so, but giving an abused dog a treat won't make it trust the person, it won’t probably touch it in fear that it is used to deceive to be able to hurt it after. It made the treat it so much wanted turn obnoxious.

She traced patterns over her back as they pulled away, fingers playing with Y/n’s hair as she admired her face from close, missing her girlfriend because she never felt like she truly got her. That distance strained them and made it difficult to stay warm in the cold.

“I just want this to work out.” It was a small whisper as if saying it too loud would harm them, but it harmed everything anyway. She could feel the mood shift in how Y/n’s body got less relaxed in her hold.

“It is working out, there’s no need to bring it up,” Y/n argued, liking it when they were like this. When they were in a spot where she could have Aeri right there whenever she wanted, but also put space between them whenever she wanted. It had worked so far; at least Y/n liked to think it did because it worked for her.

She wasn’t selfish enough to not notice that it was only working in her favour, that Aeri always gave in while suffering. However, she had been selfish enough to keep at it; to fill her needs and then disappear when Aeri offered a bit too much and she knew that she had to give something in return. To let her guard down.

“You’re choosing ignorance, Y/n. I don’t want that.” It was hurting Y/n as much as it did Aeri who didn’t want the girl to hurt when they chose ignorance. Aeri frowned and Y/n was slipping through her fingers again and the heat turned into cold as the girl moved away from her. She watched Y/n who placed her head in her palms, elbows resting on her knees while she took deep breaths.

“Why can’t you just choose to be ignorant for once too?” She wasn’t taken aback when Y/n snapped at her. The warmth was gone from her eyes and they were once again filled with that vacancy and anger to this time.

She knew where this was heading. ‘It’s not because you mess up that she distances herself, it’s because you don’t.’ She was aware of how Y/n always twisted everything until Aeri was stuck in a corner where she could only mess up because of the pressure of being put in that situation, to begin with. It was draining her; how long could she take this? How long could she put up with it out of pure love?

“Why do you always have to make things so complicated for no reason?” Her girlfriend continued as she looked at Aeri in disbelief.

It hurt when she only wanted the best for Y/n, for them, but maybe she didn’t know what the best was.

“I’m doing it for a reason, I’m doing it because I care about you, I love you and want the best for you, for us and we can’t have that if—”

Y/n stood up in frustration, cutting her girlfriend off, and not letting her finish. She didn’t know what to do with all that love and care she received so all that she could think of was to turn it away; to block it out. It made everything crawl inside her out of fear and Aeri did everything but understand that.

“What do you want me to do?” The girl exclaimed, turning around and gesturing with her arms that then fell to her sides with a thud. The anxiety was filling the room from the heaving breaths for air, from the way she paced and tugged at her clothes; nothing was helping her grasp reality as the thoughts were getting too overwhelming. “I can’t help that I don’t want to jump into your open arms no matter how much reassurance of a safe fall I get. It doesn’t work like that, Aeri.”

Aeri’s love and care were overwhelming and Y/n hated that she couldn’t appreciate it the way it should be appreciated. She loved that she got it, but hated it once it lasted a second too long because she felt how it slowly melted everything she had built over the years.

It had been a year of Aeri standing with open arms. Her world felt like it was falling apart, but her desire and love for Y/n stayed strong and it was the only thing keeping her together. Trying to save Y/n was killing her and soon enough it would be too late and she would fall into Y/n’s burning world and end up just like the girl.

Love was worth the sacrifice.

“It doesn’t work like this either!” Her voice went up and she never raised it, Aeri never could when it came to the girl in front of her, but she was desperate. Her hands clutched onto the material of her jeans as she stared up at Y/n with tears in her eyes. It was frustrating as she was trying everything and kept being proven over and over that there was nothing she could do.

Yet it wasn’t enough to stop her from trying.

“I get that it can be hard to trust someone, Y/n.” She calmed her tone, huffing as she leaned back against the couch and took in a deep breath to stop the uncomfortable prickling in her nose. When did it get so frustrating? Has it always been this draining to be with Y/n? But she loved her. How hard could love get at this point?

It went silent aside from Y/n’s anxious pacing, which was anxiety-inducing for Aeri, it was silent. Aeri stared down at her lap and she could feel how the tears were floating in her eyes. She was ready to start grieving the loss of someone who she still had; she had already started crying because she knew that she lost Y/n once again.

All she wanted was Y/n. Her fingers were restless as she pulled on the material of her bottoms, pouting, pursing her lips, huffing, blinking, swallowing (with pain), and clearing her throat. She was doing everything to not cry; it would only scare Y/n away further, wouldn’t it? To show that she meant so much that she could make Aeri cry.

She could suppress it; just for Y/n.

She could fix it. Fix them, fix Y/n, fix herself, and overall fix everything. There was a lot of fixing, but there was still enough left of her to do it, she could use whatever energy she had even if it would end with her collapsing from exhaustion. She would give her every drop for Y/n.

“But why can’t we just try to make it work.” She mumbled and with the words dropped tears, and with quick reflex, she caught them with the sleeve of her jacket and snivelled. It was choking her, the way her heart pushed to her throat and left it to hurt, it all hurt and left a faint tremble. Aeri looked up at Y/n, her vulnerability was something she couldn’t hide unlike the girl in front of her who stopped at last.

Was it wrong to cry because she felt bad for Y/n? The girl didn’t deserve to be in pain behind all those walls in her opinion. Y/n wasn’t doing anything wrong even if it seemed like it; she was just badly hurt and that wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t her fault that she didn’t want to be hurt again.

It wasn’t Y/n’s fault that it was hard to go back to the person she used to be, knowing that that person she used to be had died at the hands of someone who wasn’t deserving of Y/n. Someone who wrecked her home and set it on fire.

“It is working until you bring it up.” Y/n knew how to suck her tears up as her gaze bore into Aeri’s soul, the tears from her girlfriend a sign of the drainage she caused. It wasn’t intentional; it tore her knowing that she was breaking Aeri’s heart, someone she loved, but she had to put her heart first.

She had learned that love wasn’t worth putting first.

Aeri exhaled, wiping her eyes again, using her sleeves while barely shaking her head. “It’s not working and this is the proof, Y/n. We wouldn’t be arguing about it if it all was fine. You said it yourself that you’re being ignorant. I’m willing to take it slow, I want to help you, but I can’t when you close off.” Even after all this time–a year–she was willing to give it more time. To give Y/n all the time she needed.

“I don’t need your fixing, Aeri. I’m fine with the way things are, the way I am.” Y/n bellowed with anger, too stubborn to change her ways, too stubborn not to put herself first despite wanting Aeri. Too stubborn not to put walls around her heart no matter how much it tried to beat free from the chains just for Aeri. It was a conflict she was facing; not with Aeri, but with herself.

“You’re obviously, lying–” Aeri knew Y/n enough from the outside to know, but she had taken in as much as she could from those small cracks that could at times appear in Y/n’s walls. It was enough to let her know that Y/n wanted to love but was scared.

“I’m not lying, I’m–”

“Yes, you are! You get defensive, you close up, and you ignore me. How is that fine to you or me?” Aeri exclaimed, abruptly getting up from the couch with a harsh wipe to her dewy eyes that couldn’t help but shed at the discomfort of her heart aching.

Y/n scowled, gripping onto the sleeves of her sweater. “I’m done.” She stated the words firmly and her jaw clenched to the point where it hurt just to not tear up.

However, Aeri wasn’t done, she grabbed hold of Y/n’s closed fist, but with tenderness, because despite the anger there was no room for brutality in her love for Y/n. There was no room for hurt, however, it was harder than it sounded to prove it to someone who had only seen the love that came with nothing but havoc and brutality.

“You always are when it gets hard yet it’s fine the way it is?”

“Fuck off, Aeri.” She exhaled as Y/n left her hold, leaving her to silently wipe at her tears in the now-empty room. Those tears that she would be wiping for the next few days if not weeks. There was no one else to do it for her. No one to mend her heart because even if Y/n left, it was still with her; aching at the distance that made her feel weak and sick.

Aeri didn’t say more, she didn’t do anything more, she didn’t chase, not at the moment; this wasn’t the first time Y/n was done with her. It was an endless cycle with her girlfriend–temporarily ex-girlfriend now–and she knew that she had to wait a few days or weeks until she could pull Y/n back in and show her that she loved her, that there was love for her, that it could all work out if she let Aeri in.

She was, in the end, willing to sacrifice for her love.

masterlist

#aespa imagines #aespa giselle x reader #giselle x reader #aeri uchinaga x reader #aeri x reader #giselle imagines #giselle x fem reader #aespa x reader #fanfic #girl group imagines

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pinkanonwrites · 2 years

Text

As Our Fingers Entwine

The end of the trilogy!!! I hope you all enjoy, both newcomers and those who have been eagerly anticipating this piece! It is in fact NSFW, appropriate tags below. Read it on AO3 here!

TRIGUN STAMPEDE EPISODE 7 SPOILERS IN FIC BELOW!

Vash/Reader, 6,000+ Words, AFAB Reader but no specific pronouns used, mutual pining, body worship, frottage, vaginal sex, alien biology, praise kink, enthusiastic consent, begging

You couldn't say for certain why the ambience of the peaceful town didn't lull you to sleep the same way the rattling underbelly of the Sand Steamer seemed to, but you had a distinct feeling it was because you weren't right next to Vash.

You'd never admit it aloud, mainly for fear of revealing your painfully obvious affections for your blond companion, but nowadays you always slept better with Vash by your side. And as happy as Vash seemed to have a room to himself and time to catch his breath, a selfish little part of you had hoped he'd be cheap again, crowd the two of you into a single room to save a few double dollars. The last time you truly got to sleep side-by-side with him was a few bumpy hours on the Sand Steamer, before the incident with the Bad Lads and the shootout and the, well, the entire steamer nearly catastrophically crashing to pieces. There wasn't much sleeping on the bus ride into town either, no matter how exhausted the both of you were.

And yet, when you collapsed face-first into the surprisingly comfy hotel bed, you found yourself agonizingly conscious. Somehow, a simple wall in between you and Vash was enough to keep you from getting a good night's sleep. Just when did you become so dependent? Now three nights have passed, each one spent tossing and turning, unable to get more than a few blissful moments of shuteye. It wasn't like you were scared, or even stressed! Your body had just acclimated to the idea of sleeping curled up next to Vash, and now without him…

"Hey, anybody home in there?"

"...Hmm? Oh! Oh, yeah, I'm listening." You hadn't realized you'd started to doze off at the diner table over your supper until Vash leaned over and snapped his fingers in front of your face. You jolted up, grabbing a wedge of your sandwich and jamming it quickly into your mouth as he gave you a soft and sympathetic smile, his salmon sandwich basically finished and his free hand twiddling a stray french fry back and forth across the plate. Ah, he must have been waiting for you.

"You're a little out of it today. Everything alright?"

You waved him off, taking a swig of water to force down the mouthful of bread and various fillings. "It's fine! Just not sleeping well, it's no big deal."

Your response didn't seem to soothe Vash's worries at all, as his little smile fell into a frown. "That's no good. Is everything alright? You don't feel unsafe or anything, do you?"

"Nonono, nothing like that, really!" His concern really shouldn't have been enough to fluster you, Vash would have been worried for just about anyone who looked as worn-out as you did. But it still hit a soft little spot in you, something eternally sensitive to Vash's care and attention that you had to do your absolute best to stifle basically every moment of every day. "It's just too quiet, you know? I'm not used to having a room to myself anymore, heh. Pretty silly, isn't it?"

Judging by the soft and further furrowing of Vash's brow, your placations did nothing to assuage his concern. "Is there anything I can do? To help, I mean."

Stay. Stay with me, always.

Yeah, right. Like you could actually say that out loud. You sunk further into your seat, feeling a bit like an insect under a magnifying glass in the face of his consideration. It felt as if one wrong word or move would suddenly and jarringly expose the affections you held for him that seemed so glaringly obvious at all times, always.

"I dunno. It's not a big deal, anyway. We don't have to worry about it."

He seemed to sense your own discomfort with the subject matter, and leaned gently back in his seat. "I saw there was a tailor in this town! If you want you can come with me tomorrow, maybe get that tear in your cloak patched up?"

You thumbed the rugged fabric edge in your hand, almost not wanting to. Vash had patched it for you last time, and though the job was a touch on the rough side you didn't exactly like the idea of someone undoing his heartfelt, albeit clumsy, stitchwork. But shopping with Vash? That definitely sounded like how you wanted to spend your afternoon.

"Yeah, that'd be nice. Anywhere you wanna stop by?"

"Might pick up some ammo, but not much besides that!"

And you were certain that would be the end of it. Even after thumbing out a few double-dollars to pay for dinner, opening the diner door for you with a cartoonish bow, and chatting idly as the two of you made your way back towards the hotel, Vash didn’t broach the subject again. By the time you’d made it to the door of your room you were certain he’d forgotten about it. But just as you were about to wish him goodnight and slip through the crack of the doorway his hand came to rest upon the door handle, that familiar soft expression of concern sneaking back up across his face.

“If you wanted… I could stay until you fall asleep?" There was a distinct shyness about it, like he was genuinely afraid of what your reaction may be. "Just to see if it would help?"

You blinked at him once, twice, needing a moment to process the words he was saying before it actually clicked in your mind. Face growing hot, you prayed your expression didn't fully give away your embarrassment as an image wormed itself into your brain, an image of yourself in Vash's arms, his lips resting on the jut of your collarbone peeking from the hem of your shirt, of warm hands on the soft dip of your hips climbing higher, and higher…

Seeming to take your extended silence as rejection, or worse, disgust, Vash began to frantically backpedal, hand flying from the doorknob to tangle in the soft hair at the base of his neck. "You can say no! I just wanted to offer. Maybe that was a little weird, huh? Sorry, you can forget about it.”

But you didn't want to forget. Forgetting meant a return to… To whatever you and Vash were before that first night you woke up and saw him gazing at the stars. Forgetting meant pulling away again, faking a smile, pretending there was nothing there when you so desperately wanted there to be. Forgetting meant not acknowledging that he kept offering his hand to you, and that out of your own foolish anxieties you kept drawing away.

And yeah, maybe things could still go catastrophically wrong. But wasn't that what you loved about Vash in the first place? How the entire world could fall apart around him and he'd still get up again, offer you a smile and put his best foot forward?

You loved him. You loved him. And you were fucking sick of pretending you didn't. Your fingertips had closed around the fabric of his sleeve before you could second-guess yourself.

"Stay with me."

And oh, oh, if the expression that crawled its way up Vash's face wasn't worth any and every possible humiliation, rejection, or vague discomfort. Red bloomed up from his collar, creeping up his neck into his cheeks and the tops of his ears. He blinked twice behind his oversized lenses, gaze flicking from your face to where you'd gripped his sleeve and back again a few times over. A thin, wobbly smile snuck across his lips, making his relief obvious despite his conscious efforts to hide it. A peek of sharp canines glinted from the gap as he shot you a crooked, sheepish grin, despite being nearly as red in the face as his signature coat.

"Y-Yeah!" He winced at the way his own voice cracked, oblivious to just how endearing you found it. "Yeah, heh, no problem! Let me, let me get my… I'll be right back. Five minutes? Give me five minutes, pinkie promise."

He even interlocked his pinkie with your own, a small, familiar laugh sneaking out before he slipped, momentarily, from your grasp. You watched as he stumbled down the hall to his own room, fumbled the door handle once, twice, banging his body into the wooden frame before managing to get it open, never once taking his eyes off you until the door slipped closed. Cute.

You stepped into your own room, clicking on the bedside lamp and flooding it in a warm, yellowed glow. Shedding your day clothes as quickly as possible, you kicked them into a heap in the corner and scrambled into your pajamas, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Without Vash's buzzing, eager energy at your side you had just enough time before he returned to briefly feel incredibly embarrassed at your show of need, face growing hot as you replayed the little scene over and over in your mind. Your hand around his sleeve, his expressions, your choice of words… God, you were so obvious. Had he really not picked up on it at all? But he seemed so eager, as eager as you were at the very least. Maybe he wasn't the only one who had been a little oblivious lately.

True to his word, it couldn't have been more than five minutes before you heard a soft knock on the door to your room. Standing on the other side was Vash, not clad in his signature red jacket but rather his familiar, beige pajamas. The worn out shirt hung loose around the collar with the sleeves draping just long enough to cover half of his hands, the loose elastic of the sweatpants held tight with an old, white drawstring. His hair was floppy and now shower-damp, hanging partially in his face as he gave you that so soft, so sweet little smile.

"You look comfy." He said, voice as soft as his grin.

"I could say the same for you." You responded, cracking a similar smile. Stepping to the side you let him join you in your room, door closing with a soft click as a palpable air of… something simmered between you two. Tension? Nervousness? It felt like a melting pot of just about everything you had or could feel when it came to Vash. He stood awkwardly in the center of the room as you flitted around him towards the bed.

"You should probably get some rest, huh? I'll just grab a seat at…" He gestured vaguely towards one of the two chairs set at the table by the window, words dropping from his lips as he watched you pat the open space in the bed next to you. He blinked again, face flushing pink once more.

"...Only if you want to." You added softly. He visibly swallowed, nodding so gently you could have almost missed it, and set his glasses on the nightstand with a soft clack. Carefully, hesitantly, he pulled back the covers and let himself into the bed beside you, moving like he was afraid at any moment you were going to change your mind and ask him to leave.

You would never. You wanted him beside you. At all times, always.

He clicked off the lamp, and the two of you were plunged into darkness. A single stream of moonlight filtered between the thin curtains, falling diagonally across the bedroom floor and providing just enough light for you to keep Vash's face in view. When the two of you shared a sleeping bag for the first time the closeness was a necessity, there was nowhere else for you to go in the tiny shared space. But even now, with the width of the bed slim but still far greater than a sleeping bag could provide, you couldn't help but press yourself close to him. As always he was warm, so warm, heat radiating under the thin covers to soothe you, a constant thrum of energy just beneath his skin even when he was relaxed and doe-eyed as he was with you right now, laying on his side mirroring you, unable to look away.

In this moment you couldn't help but consider that Vash was more alive than you had ever been in your own lifetime, or that you ever would be. He was a walking enigma, incredibly powerful yet so gentle, capable of such inhuman feats but so intimately, painfully fragile. Maybe you'd never fully understand him the way you wanted to, maybe there would always be secrets he couldn't share or stories he wouldn't tell. But you didn't mind, not as long as he was yours and you were his.

"Hi." He murmured, breath hot against your lips, that small, sappy smile never leaving his own.

"Hi." You replied. "Is this… Is this okay?"

"Yes." There was a relief in his voice, a borderline reverence. His hand hovered, briefly, coming to rest on the small of your hip and sending a jolt of need crawling up your spine fast enough to give you a headrush. "Are we… okay?"

"Always."

He let out a low, shuddering breath, hand flexing around your hip. "I haven't… I want… I want…" His gaze flickered from your eyes to your lips and back again. He let out another breath, a short, warm huff as he hesitated, brow knit like even now he was afraid of the oncoming rejection, the inevitable hurt.

The two of you really had been completely oblivious, hadn't you?

You closed the gap yourself. Slowly, carefully, for no more than a few moments, you pressed your lips to his. He gasped when you did, a sharp, surprised inhale through his nose before his entire body seemed to melt into your several points of contact: your legs, his hand on your hip, your lips. You watched his eyes slide open again after you pulled away, crease in his brow receding as he blinked at you, almost owlishly.

"You kissed me." He murmured, that air of reverence returning to his voice.

"I did." You said it like it was the easiest thing in the world, and that's because it was.

"You'll… You'll always be in danger. You know that, right?"

"I do."

"We're always going to be moving. You wouldn't rather settle down somewhere nice?"

"Not if you're not there."

He sucked in another shaky breath, corners of his eyes growing glassy and wet. "It won't… It won't be easy. Being with me. It's hard."

"Vash." You cupped his face with your hand, forcing him to meet your gaze. "I promise you it's not. It's really not."

He positively beamed, knocking his forehead against yours as he burst into quiet giggles. "You're really amazing, you know? You're the most amazing person I've ever met."

"Shouldn't I be saying that to you?" Your own laughter joined his, and any hint of apprehension or concern Vash may have still held seemed to melt away in the face of your smile. "Now shush. Kiss me again."

He was clumsy, clearly overeager as he pressed his lips to yours once more. It started as another soft, fluttering thing, then a second, then a third, before you tipped your chin up and opened your mouth into the next kiss, inviting him to do the same. Fingers tangled in his soft hair, you pressed further into him, tasting honey and sunlight as you licked into his open mouth and he moaned against your lips. You didn't even realize he was moving you until you found yourself on your back, Vash's sturdy build boxing you in, knees framing your thighs as his teeth clicked wetly against yours and he groaned again at the feeling of your mouth moving against his. It was a messy, relief-stricken thing, like finding sweet, cool water after a day trekking across the open dunes. His still-flesh hand gripped your hip, fingertips indenting your soft skin, but his prosthetic hand cradled your cheek so gently, with such veneration it could have brought you to tears. There was a wet smack and a sharp gasp when he finally pulled away, like he was coming up for air. A single sticky strand of saliva still connected your lips, and as you swiped it off of his lower lip with a smile he gave you a sheepish grin in return.

"You gotta breathe through your nose, Vash."

"I know, I just…" He watches as you bring your thumb to your mouth, licking off the smear of spit there. He gulps, teeth worrying his lower lip. "...Just got a bit sidetracked, is all."

When he leaned back in a second time his target wasn't your lips, but the gentle slope of your neck. He placed a featherlight kiss upon you, relaxing when he heard your content hum and your fingers carded through the hairs at the base of his neck. Then he sucked a mark into the soft junction between your neck and exposed collarbone, teeth grazing and tongue lathing over the sensitive spot as you writhed beneath Vash's touch. His breath ghosted hotly over your neck, goosebumps prickling out across your skin as heat pooled low and eager in your stomach and you fisted one hand in the front of Vash's night shirt.

"Vash." You whined, and his low groan in response rumbled out against your already sensitive neck. "Vash." You moaned again, louder this time, needy but not completely sure what for.

"Hmm?" His questioning hum was barely discernible from his soft, pleased groans, only the uptick at the end of the throaty sound cluing you in that Vash had even heard you at all. His lips rested on the curve of your jaw, thumb trailing back and forth across your cheekbone. You fisted the back of his shirt in one hand and tangled the other in his messy hair, whimpering at each barely-there kiss he left as he trailed his way up your jawbone to your ear. "You're so soft. So, so soft."

His lips brushed the shell of your ear and you couldn't help yourself, whining as your hips jerked up against his. His breath stuttered and he jolted back from you to blink with wide, shocked eyes. Immediately a hot flush of shame coursed through your body, searing behind your eyes and cheeks. Was he disappointed? Disgusted?

"I'm so sorry." If you could shrink back and disappear you would, but it's not like there was anywhere for you to go. Vash's brow furrowed again for a moment before his eyes blew wide once more, immediately taking your face in both hands as gently as he could.

"No, no it's alright! There's nothing wrong you just- just surprised me a little! That's not bad! I just- Aw jeez." He pressed a kiss to your lips, then your nose, then your forehead. "Please don't cry. I promise I'm not upset or anything, so don't cry, okay?"

"I'm not gonna cry! I'm just… embarrassed." You mumbled between squished cheeks, eyes trained down and away from Vash's sympathetic smile.

“There’s no need to be.”

“I know that.” You whined, covering your eyes with the palm of your hand. You felt another fluttering kiss on the tip of your nose, and peeked through your fingers to find Vash beaming at you. There was a cautious apprehension behind his eyes now though, a similar fear to what you knew you were currently feeling.

“There is, uh, something I have to tell you though.” He fidgeted a little, not quite meeting your gaze. “It’s just that my body is kinda… Well, it’s a little… different? And I don’t want to freak you out or anything. But if you do freak out… That’s probably completely valid, I’ll be honest.”

“Vash, I’ve seen your scars before. You know I don’t mind, right?”

He winced a little, lower lip jutting out in a bit of a pout. “...That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s a… It’s a PLANT thing.”

“Oh.” As Vash sat back on your thighs you propped yourself up a bit to meet his gaze. “Well, that’s alright too. I won’t judge you for anything you can’t control, Vash.”

“Yeah but it’s… It’s pretty out there.”

“Try me.”

Vash opened his mouth, then shut it, then opened it, then shut it again, blush crawling its way up his cheeks with his fisted hands tucked into his lap. He twiddled his thumbs, worried his lower lip with his sharp teeth, and still failed to meet your gaze.

"It's, uh, it's just that it's a bit… different. My, uh… y'know?"

You'd been pretty oblivious to Vash's affections for you, but that didn't mean you were stupid. The way his gaze flickered down and then back up again when he spoke? The way one hand fisted the fabric of his pants and the other remained firmly tucked between his thighs, not quite against his crotch but definitely blocking it from your view? You could at least put those puzzle pieces together.

You rubbed the top of his knee with your hand, and tension seemed to melt from his stance with your touch alone.

"Would you… be willing to show me?"

He grimaced a bit, continuing to nibble on his lower lip until you ran the thumb of your other hand across it, trying to soothe the reddened skin. "I just don't want to freak you out or anything, is all."

"You really think at this point there's anything you could do or say to freak me out?" You bumped your forehead against his, the same way he had for you just moments ago. "Hate to break it to you, but you're kind of stuck with me now." He barked out a laugh, saying nothing but finally meeting your gaze, so you continued. "I don't want you to feel like you have to make yourself uncomfortable for my sake, but I also don't want you to run away from me. You trust me, right?"

"I do."

"Then trust that I won't run away either. I promise. I just want you, Vash, that's all."

He sucked in a shuddering breath, nodding softly against you. "Yeah. I want you too." Looking up at you through his eyelashes, he flashed you a cartoonish pout. "Maybe if someone gave me another kiss I'd get a bit braver?"

"You dork." You giggled, cupping his face in your hands and kissing him breathless once more. He leaned into you again, mouth open and eager, finally letting his hands trail back up your body where you'd wanted them. "Wait, switch with me."

"Hrmm? Whoa!" You wrestled Vash to the side, rolling the two of you over until you were now the one straddling his hips, not the other way around. He blinked up at you, mouth agape and lips slightly slick as he took in your form in the pale moonlight. "Oh. I could get used to a view like this."

With a single, sudden twist upwards of your arms, you pulled off your shirt and let it fall somewhere off the side of the bed, baring your chest to him fully. Vash gasped, hands squeezing against your soft sides as his gaze raked over your form.

"This one too…" He murmured. Trailing your fingertips down the length of his chest, you fiddled with the hem at the bottom of his shirt, lifting a bit but not quite tugging.

"This okay?"

He nodded, hands joining yours to help wrestle his shirt off over his head. Immediately you were upon him, a featherlight trail of lips and fingertips upon every inch of scarred skin, tracing the outline of the metal reinforcement over his left pectoral as gently as you could. Your thighs squeezed around his hips, the front of his loose pajama pants tented and straining where they met your clothed core. He was big, that much was obvious. Another roll of your hips, not accidental this time but intentional, left Vash gasping out a sharp, labored wheeze as his hips finally jerked forward against yours.

"Sensitive." He panted, shuddering helplessly as his hips stuttered forward again. "C-Careful, it's sensitive."

That sensitive, with several layers of clothes still between you? Now you were getting really curious. You rolled your hips again, friction sparking pleasure up your spine but it was nothing compared to the way Vash positively mewled, back arching and hips rutting erratically to meet you. A dark, damp spot was beginning to seep through the fabric at the tip. You cupped his clothed length with your hand as gently as you could. 'Sensitive.' You reminded yourself. But a bolt of surprise rocketed through you instead when you could swear that, just for a moment, you felt his cock squirm against you, pressing up into your hand without the aid of his hips.

"Please don't freak out." Vash wheezed. You squeezed his length again, pressing in firmly, but it was impossible to tell what writhing was from Vash squirming around and what came from, well, Vash squirming around.

"I'm not freaking out." You reassured him, and in all honesty you weren't. Were you surprised? Of course! But there wasn't really anything about Vash that could truly "freak you out" anymore, even this. You stroked his length through the fabric once more and watched that wet spot at the tip bloom farther and darker, Vash shivering like he'd just touched a live wire. "Is it okay to take these off? Only if you're okay with it."

You hooked a finger into the waistband and waited, Vash's gaze laser focused in on your hand. Slowly, carefully, he nodded. Fingers looped in the elastic of both his pajama pants and his boxers, you gave him plenty of time to change his mind as you tugged them down, Vash letting out a quiet, hitched gasp when his cock sprung free.

Well, Vash certainly wasn't lying about it being different. Arching upwards from between his legs was what you could only describe as a tentacle, thick base sprouting from slick folds at the apex of his thighs. It curled upwards towards his belly and tapered slim at the tip, beading semi-translucent liquid that dribbled down the length of the shaft. It wasn't the same shade as his skin; It was closer to a bluish-white, marked up the length with abstract patterning similar to the glyphs on the outside bulb of a PLANT. Vaguely you wondered if it was always out like this, or if it settled itself snugly within those wet, petal pink folds when he wasn't aroused. You had to think it did, if Vash was as sensitive as he made himself out to be, otherwise he'd be on the verge of cumming with each step he took.

On second thought, that wasn't a bad image either.

Vash gulped, squirming a bit under your gaze, knees pulling together but unable to close fully with your body in the way. "So, uh, you're not screaming. I'm gonna go ahead and take that as a good sign!" You smoothed a hand up the length of his thigh, pausing right at the junction of his hip, and his cock twitched towards you subconsciously like a writhing tendril. He seemed to shrink in on himself a little at this, shoulders pulling up towards his ears as he anticipated your reaction.

"Vash, God Vash… Do you even have any idea how pretty you are?" He had to know, you couldn't let him wake up tomorrow and just bumble around for the rest of his life not knowing. He was ethereal, scarred skin painted in hues of blush pink, cheeks burning, eyes soft and wide… He had to be a PLANT, because it just wasn't feasible for a normal human to be this achingly beautiful. "You're so, so pretty Vash."

"Oh." His breathing shuddered, hips twitching when you squeezed down on the fat of his thigh.

"Sensitive, right? I'll be careful, just tell me if it's too much, okay?" Fingertips trailing off the junction of his hip, you finally, finally, closed your palm around his length. It was hot, slick to the touch everywhere you put your fingers on it, and you could swear for just a moment that those glyphs pulsed with a faint blue-white light as Vash whimpered. "This is okay?"

He nodded furiously, hands fisting the bed sheets as he all but gasped for air. "Good! It's good. I haven't, it's been a long time since I- ohhh please…" Another bead of thick, slippery pre-cum drooled from the tip, slicking your palm as you moved it so slowly up the length of his cock, squeezing slightly on the downstroke and making Vash's back go concave against the mattress as he moaned. Heat burned low in your core, and you wrestled a hand down the front of your pajama pants to stroke your own slick folds directly. You couldn't help but picture how the silky writhing of his cock would feel inside of your pussy, slick oozing around where your bodies would meet as it pushed upwards into your aching core…

"Me too…" Vash groaned, hand grabbing for the waistband of your pants as he struggled to sit up. "Lemme touch you too, please." You stumbled off the bed for only a moment, but it was still far enough to make Vash whine at your lack of contact. Slick from Vash's cock smeared across the fabric as you wrestled both the pants and your underwear onto the floor before crawling back into Vash's lap like you couldn't stand to be away from him for another moment. His hands found your hips the moment you were within reach, rubbing soothingly up and down the outer curve of your thighs as he stared down at you, eyes swirling with arousal and adoration.

"Beautiful." He murmured, pressing his lips once more against the curve of your neck. "Tell me what you like, tell me how I can make you feel good."

Hand around his wrist, you guided him to the dark patch of hair between your legs. His fingers crooked carefully, curiously, two fingertips swiping upwards through your wet folds and catching over your clit. He shuddered when you moaned, the very act of giving you pleasure seeming to do him the same. Finding your clit again, he rubbed over it with his fingertips in slow, almost soothing circles.

"That's good." You cooed, taking him in hand again. "You're so good for me, Vash, such a good boy."

"Yes!" He moaned, his metal hand coming around to grip your ass, urging you to roll your hips against his hand. "Yes, 'm good, I'm so good." Sharp teeth dragged over your collarbone, just hard enough to send a prickle of pleasure up your spine. As you began to rock your hips he pressed his hand further in, letting you grind your clit against the heel of his palm as he slid his middle finger into your entrance. The intrusion was slick, effortless, and you couldn't help but moan as he curled his finger against your soft, hot walls. You pumped him again, another thick glob of pre-cum dribbling over your fingers as his cock wriggled in your grasp. "You feel so good inside." He continued to babble, drooling against your neck as he whined and gasped. "Wanna… wanna feel you, so bad…"

"Yeah?" You purred, shifting your hips further up his. With how keyed up you were you doubted you'd even be able to last more than a thrust or two with Vash inside you, but still you wanted. Nudging his hand out from between your legs, you shifted your hips down to trap his cock in between your pussy and his tense stomach as you rolled your hips and let it slip messily back and forth between your folds. Vash positively howled, head tossed back against the pillows as his other hand came around to grip your ass as well.

"Yes! Yes, please, oh please wanna make you feel so good." Shifting your hips to align his tip with your entrance, he peppered wet kisses across your neck and up your cheek as you hovered over him. You tipped your head to catch his lips with your own, moaning into his eager mouth as you finally let him nudge into you. Euphoria crackled up your spine with each small movement, an almost unbearable heat between the two of you as he shifted you so gently down his slick cock. It was almost effortless the way he slid inside, your combined wetness leaving no room for pain around the incredible pleasure as he stuffed you full, coiling and massaging your walls as you finally found your thighs resting on his and your lungs gasping for air.

"Oh, oh Vash." He shuddered at the sound of your name leaving his lips, hips snapping forward and once again driving the breath out of you as white-hot pleasure exploded behind your eyelids.

"Sorry, 'm sorry, not gonna last. Gotta make you cum, fuck, please cum for me…" His chest pressed to yours and his face pressed into the curve of your jaw, his hips thrust forward again, and again, wriggling one hand in between your sweaty bodies to thumb eagerly at your clit, rolling the swollen bud beneath the pad. You wailed, pleasure prickling tears at the corners of your eyes as your stomach coiled tighter, pushed you higher.

A sharp blossom of pain erupted from the crook of your neck, making you cry out as Vash growled against your skin. His sharp canines dug into your sensitive flesh, bruising the soft skin there and blooming pain and pleasure into a swirling cocktail of overwhelming sensation. You dug your nails hard into the flesh of his back, shivering helplessly in his grip. The desert had been cruel, and crueler still had been its people, but you would make sure that any marks you left on Vash would be ones he wasn't ashamed to show, to feel.

"Love you." You sobbed, bleary-eyed and desperate for release, babbling similar nonsense to Vash as you tumbled into pleasure-drunk ecstasy. "Love you, I love you I love you Vash!"

He wailed, teeth pressing further into your soft neck, hips stuttering forward once, twice more before he finally shuddered, pouring his load into your awaiting core. Molten heat flooded your pussy, sending you tumbling into your own release. Rapture flooded your senses, writhing in Vash's hold as waves of pleasure overtook you, walls fluttering helplessly around his length again, and again, and again. He was spilling so much into you, you could feel it pooling out around where the two of you were joined, slicking his thighs and inevitably staining the sheets below. Even as your own orgasm began to subside, little aftershocks of pleasure sparking in your mind, he was still spilling more into your fluttering heat.

"I love you." He sobbed into your neck, drool and tears dampening your skin as he clutched you tight, so tight. "Love you so much." His tongue lathed over the bruise his teeth had left behind, a silent apology for daring to leave a single mark upon your body. With a final, shaky thrust of his hips, he seemed to spill the last of his cum into you, muscles relaxing with a stifled groan. You curled a hand in the hair at the base of his neck, pressing a kiss to his temple as he nuzzled into you. He whined as his cock seemed to slip from your heat of its own accord, another gush of hot slick spilling from your entrance as it went limp.

"I've got you, baby." You cooed. Slumping gently into his lap and ignoring the sticky-slick feeling cooling between your bodies, you let yourself melt fully into Vash's gentle hold.

"...They're probably gonna charge you extra for cleaning, you know?" He quipped, and you could feel him grimace a little at the tacky feeling between your thighs. "A lot extra."

"I'll take my chances."

He guffawed against your neck, dragging you down to the mattress with him in a sticky heap. You curled into the curve of his body, head resting on his shoulder. His arm immediately rose to curl around you, pulling you tight against his side.

"Mmh, we should probably clean up." You mumbled, eyelids already beginning to flutter.

"...Five minutes?" He rumbled, pressing his nose into the crook of your jaw.

"Mmm… Five minutes."

#vash x reader #vash the stampede x reader #trigun x reader #trigun stampede #vash the stampede #trigun #my writing #long post #alien biology vash

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idontknowulol · 2 months

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Choi San x Reader

Summary- You get upset because San has barely given you any attention.

Warnings- fluff and swearing

You sat alone in the living room for the fifth time this week, your Friday evening spent alone waiting for your husband to come home, San has been extremely busy with the group as tour is coming up so he has more practice than usual, this included really early starts, and late finishes which meant that you had barely seen him all week as you were not the earliest riser, all you had gotten was a few check up messages on you throughout the day, a hug from him when he got home and then he would have dinner and go straight to sleep. To say this was frustrating was a understatement, you didn't want to annoy San as he does have a lot of work to do, but the selfish part of you was craving his attention as you were missing your husband.

Half an hour passed and you heard the front door open and your husband's tired looking frame filled the living room door. "Hi baby" San says walking over to you to wrap his hands around your waist gently. " Hi San" you say softly your body naturally melting into him. " I have missed you all day" San says burying his face into your neck. you sigh quietly in content, gosh you just wish he had been like this a bit more this week. " me too baby" you say quietly. After a few moments San lets you go and turns you around to face him, " babe, i'm really exhausted, I know you probably left me some dinner, is it okay if I eat it tomorrow? I would really like to take a shower and just head straight to sleep." San states, your heart instantly drops sadly at his words, this isn't the first time you have heard this this week but you still felt disappointed, he was extremely affectionate with you just now for the first time this week so you thought maybe he would want to spend some time with you. " yeah, I will, its fine" you say quietly, so you can hide the sadness in your voice. San gaze fills yours as he reads your sudden change in tone, but he decides to just let it go. “ Thank you, night” San says giving you one last hug before heading up the stairs. As soon as you heard the bathroom door shut you don’t know why but your burst into tears. All the pent up frustration from the week had finally gotten to you, you were trying to be understanding for San, but it was hard you were feeling really alone at the moment, all your friends were on work trips or out the country and your husband didn’t even have any time for you.

Tears continued to silently fall down your face but it got to point where you were tired of crying so decided to suck it up,eventually you sniffles subsided and you decided to drink a glass of water and get yourself ready for bed. As you were getting ready for bed, you started overthinking about the entire situation and got a bit emotional again, to try and stop crying you snuck into bed next to San quietly, and used the blankets to hide your sniffles so you didn’t wake him up. Unfortunately it didn’t work.

“Y/N? Is that you?”San calls out in a hoarse voice.Shit, you didn’t mean to wake him up you didn’t want him to know about this, you know how exhausted he is.You instantly froze not wanting San to know how wide awake you actually were, however because of how long you and San have been together he could read your body language like a open book. “I know your awake” he says gently. “San” I say quietly. “ Y/N what’s wrong?” He says instantly recognising the tone in my voice. “N-othing I just watched a sad movie” I say lying straight through my teeth, I don’t even know why I tried to lie, as San clearly doesn’t believe me at all, I can tell by the the painful silence I get in response. A few moments later I feel San sitting up, the warmth around my body is no longer and I feel the blanket getting pulled of my body making me yell in protest,at the sudden temperature change.San picks me up and places me on him, he covers the bottom half of our body and recovers the blanket over me ,he then rests his hands on my waist.

“San, what the fuck?,I was trying to sleep” I say slapping his chest. San doesn’t say anything but stares at me wet face intently which answers his suspicions without me even having to say anything,eventually this makes me feel embarrassed,causing me to blush and look away, knowing that he knows I was lying. “what” I say feeling overwhelmed by his intense gaze “Liar” is all he says after a while. “ liar? but the movie was reall-” San cuts me off “ don’t chat shit Y/N, I was watching you for a bit before I said anything your not sad because of a movie, I know you too well, your actually upset about something”San says his eyes gazing calmly into yours. This time it’s your turn not to answer as at this point he knows your upset. “Do you want to tell me what really is bothering you?” San says caressing my waist gently. “San” I say my voice slightly cracking, finally giving into how I feel. San’s face instantly softens at my tone. “Baby” he whispers softly as he removes one of his hands from my waist and places it on my cheek, caressing it with such care. A tear leaks slowly from my eye and San catches it with his finger. “ I miss you so much San okay?” I say in a shaky tone. San looks at me confusion filling his eyes. “all week, all fucking week San, all I wanted to do was spend time with you, if it wasn’t that you busy with work, it was a meeting, if it wasn’t a meeting, it was dance practice, if it wasn’t that it was a dinner meeting with the boys, I tried to be really understanding San I really fucking did, but I wanted to spend time with you, I know you have a busy schedule and I get that I really do, but it’s like this week I have been at the bottom of your schedule, you haven’t kissed me once this week, and we have have barely communicated other than good nights and good mornings, when was the last time you gave me a rundown of your day? Asked each other how we were feeling? Ate together?I feel like maybe you just want space from me-and that I am pestering you if I say anything,I just have never felt so isolated and alone.” You exclaim as tears are overflowing down your cheeks as you finally speak your mind.” Guilt instantly flows through San at the sight of you upset, he hates to see you upset and knowing that he is the cause, without even realising what he was doing,makes him pissed with himself. He was prying at you for answers and now he gets why you didn’t give any, you didn’t want to make him feel bad.

“Fuck, y/n I’m so sorry” San says pulling you into a hug, and you instantly hug him back. He puts a strand of your hair behind your hair and replaces his hand on your face. “ I never ever meant to make you feel like you aren’t my no.1 priority baby, you are the most important thing to me regardless of anyone and anything, I have gotten ahead of myself as I wanted to perfect everything before tour so I put together a schedule and overworked myself, I mean fuck that schedule, especially because it has made you feel like I don’t value you, when baby, I value you more than anything. Even the days when I’m too sad or angry to speak, you being here with me puts me at ease as I am blessed to be loved by you in way that nobody else is, and not just by anyone.” San states in a serious tone. “Your my favourite person y/n and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you are not, I l could tell you I love you in so many different ways and I still wouldn’t be able to show how grateful I am for you, please don’t ever forget that” he silently pleads. Fresh tears roll down my face at his words. “I love you so much” I say. “ I love you so much” San leans in to kiss one of my fresh tears to stop it from falling softly, which makes my heart stop for a second at the intimacy of it.San pulls me back into him and massages my back gently, and we sit in a comfortable silence. “Baby” San says out of nowhere. “ yes” I reply. “ promise me you won’t hide how your feeling from me anymore?I need to do better for you” I smile and kiss his cheek at his words . “Promise” I say smiling softly. San smiles. And leans in to kiss me, San gives me a deep passionate kiss, that slowly turns into a make out, until he breaks off “you need sleep y/n” San says whispering, his voice still slightly husky from sleep. “ okay hypocrite so do you, you have done way more than me today” I saying squinting my eyes. “Okay okay, let’s both go to bed” I climb off San and he lies down and so do I, as soon as I do he instantly pulls me into him, leaving a soft kiss on my head. Not long after that we both fall asleep.

The following day:

“Hello?” I say into my phone. “Baby are you here yet? I’m hungry, and I haven’t eaten all day and we can’t eat til you get here” San says in a disappointed tone. I laugh loudly at the sadness and clear hunger from his tone.“ look out the window” I say in between laughter. San instantly turns around and I see him and all the Ateez members wave at me. Which makes me instantly wave back. Even though San was busy today,he insisted on making a new schedule which included me. And let’s just say that makes me smile a little too hard.

#ateez #choi san #choi san x reader #k pop #san imagines #ateez x reader #choi san imagines #imagines #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #san x reader

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supermoongirl9 · 1 year

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Your 12H is also about what you're scared could make you fail in life tbh so you're avoiding doing it somehow (to your detriment).

ex: Gemini? scared of stagnancy and not having enough time so they never rest (Taurus 12H) but then they exhaust themselves lol bitch, take a nap it's ok.

Aries? Scared of getting lost in their dreams and that their emotions could prevent them from being their best self/people would use it against them so they're trying to act strong all the time (Pisces 12H).

Taurus? Scared of being seen as too bold and insolent for asking for what they want from life so they try to act unbothered when things don't go their way so no scandal happens somehow (Aries 12H).

Cancer? Scared of being seen as inconsistent and acting like changing their mind about something means they were never serious about it in the first place + disappointing themselves and others in the process (Gemini 12H).

Leo? Scared of being seen as too sensitive and fragile so others don't take seriously enough, don't let them do their own things; acting like they don't need to be protected and babied sometimes when it's actually just normal (Cancer 12H).

Virgo? Scared of being seen as too much and somehow selfish for wanting to do their own things/putting work into their projects so they're trying to help others in order to balance that fear; scared of success and the potentiality of failure leading to self-sabotage (Leo 12H).

Libra? Scared of being seen as too obsessed with what they want to accomplish and accused of not treating everyone and everything equally if they show any kind of preference so they have now to say yes to everything others are asking them to do to counter that (Virgo 12H).

Scorpio? Scared of others seeing how much they actually care about others generally speaking so people could use their loved ones to manipulate or hurt them and now they have to act as being alone isn't an issue for them to protect what/who they cherish (Libra 12H).

Sagittarius? Scared of how they could react when crossed and of how much things actually impact them on a deeper level so they're trying to act unbothered and like they know everything has a purpose when it's eating them alive at times (Scorpio 12H).

Capricorn? Scared that they won't ever be knowledgeable enough to master what they need to, of actually never experiencing enough in this life and regretting it but at the same time spending too much time working to even enjoy (Sagittarius 12H).

Aquarius? Scared of being not serious enough to be able to achieve their goals because it means people won't respect them, their work and their possible legacy while at the same time claiming to despise any form of recognition from major institutions/people (Capricorn 12H).

Pisces? Scared of never actually fitting in while being attached to their uniqueness but not knowing how to express it in a way that won't make others reject them for being different which leads to them hiding some parts of themselves, claiming to be misunderstood (Aquarius 12H).

#the 12th house #astrology #random piece of astro knowledge #natal astrology

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uppastthejelliclemoon · 1 month

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cats the musical isn't bad, y'all are just mean: sincerely, a cats fan who is exhausted with having to defend her favorite show

every time one of those theater polls pops up with a show against cats the musical, it's inevitable that the other show's fans, despite cats fans never saying anything negative, decide to make really negative and rude comments towards the musical and the fans.

most of the comments always say that no one understands how anyone can like cats the musical, or how the other musical is superior, or how the other musical is so incredibly important to the fans.

a show being important to someone is extremely valid, but people who are fans of other shows seem to always forget that there is also a reason why cats the musical has fans.

so allow me to provide some reasons as to why someone might be a fan of cats the musical:

the dancing, which is incredibly athletic and impressive

the songs, which provide a way for different actors and actresses to show off their vocal prowess, and have different tempos and meanings and also, you know, include one of the most iconic Broadway songs that has ever existed

the costumes, which have specifically character-oriented designs

the countless number of non-replica productions that take different interpretations of the show, and create incredibly creative designs for costumes and sets

the amount of LGBTQIA+ coded characters and relationships that take on different interpretations based around how they are played and portrayed.

the amount of LGBTQIA+/POC actors who have portrayed characters in the musical throughout the years, many of which put their own gender/sexual identity into their portrayal of the character.

cast members who directly interact with the fandom, and who encourage fanworks and posts about the musical with excitement

the different countries that have pulled Cats the Musical into their culture, and that have allowed countless groups of fans to be able to see the show live

but you know what?

People don't have to give a reason for why they love a show. If someone is asked why they enjoy a show like, say, Newsies, or Phantom of the Opera, or Falsettos, those fans don't have to go into a deep dive defending their love of the show.

There's a type of stigma that Cats is cringey because of the costumes, or because it "doesn't have a story", which is something that people say that I always find funny, as the story of the show is described in one of the FIRST songs of the show.

Jellicle Cats meet once a year At the Jellicle Ball where we all rejoice And the Jellicle leader will soon appear And make what is known as the Jellicle Choice When Old Deuteronomy just before dawn Through a silence you feel could cut with a knife Announces the Cat who can now be reborn And come back to a different Jellicle life For waiting up there is the Heaviside Layer Full of wonders one Jellicle only will see And Jellicles ask because Jellicles dare Who will it be? Who will it be?

If anyone ever gave a second of thought and research, they would see that the show's premise is literally sung about at the start of the show. It's something kind of important called exposition that actually happens in a lot of shows, but apparently Cats isn't allowed to have exposition.

There's also the matter of characters.

There are multiple different characters, both within the main singing cast and the ensemble, who provide fantastic layers to the show itself.

Grizabella, the outsider character who is redeemed and gets to become the Jellicle Choice, and who happens to have the aforementioned most iconic Broadway song, "Memory", a character who provides a contrast to other characters such as Victoria, who is the featured character during the Jellicle Ball

The Rum Tum Tugger, a seemingly selfish and haughty character, who also provides the song for Mr. Mistoffelees, a magical cat who is able to summon back the Jellicle Leader, Old Deuteronomy, who was kidnapped by Macavity, the antagonist of the musical.

It is a show that has so much emotion and meaning, which can be seen even on the most surface viewing. It doesn't take a genius to understand that there is a message of redemption and acceptance within the show as well.

and while i don't like using the awards Cats has been nominated for in order to discuss how impressive the musical is, because I absolutely think it doesn't need the awards to describe how amazing it is, but like... just look at the list of awards for the original London and original Broadway productions:

Cats the Musical was nominated for these awards, and won many of them, for a reason.

People don't want to admit that Cats the Musical is a good show because it is nothing like what has been on Broadway. There is a reason a lot of shows on Broadway right now are revivals, jukebox musicals, or based off of previous media. While, of course, Cats is based off of T.S. Elliot's poetry, it is done in a way that is incredibly original and unique. People are afraid of original ideas on Broadway. It's the reason why, along with Cats the Musical, Starlight Express is also seen as a weird show, because despite the fantastic music and costumes and storyline, because the actors and actresses are dressed as trains or cats, it's a weird show, and the fans are weird.

(though, as you can see above, I am NOT against revivals, jukeboxes, or media-based shows when they are done well. If you're familiar with my main blog, @tending-the-hearth, you are well aware of how much I adore the Outsiders musical, which is just one example of quite a few shows.)

I don't personally like Falsettos. On the poll putting Cats against Falsettos, I did not discuss why I disliked the show, or that it was a crime people were voting for the show.

I adore Newsies. I have a Cats/Newsies crossover fanfiction. My brother and I are obsessed with it. I love Cats more. I'm not writing on the poll that I'm disgusted people are voting for Newsies over Cats.

It is so genuinely unfortunate that, while every other musical and its fans are given love and support by the musical theater community, Cats the Musical and its fans are consistently ostracized and made fun of. (Rather ironic, considering the entire story of Cats the Musical and Grizabella's character)

You can talk about how much you love a show, or why a show is important to you, but you have to understand that for every person who loves a different show, there's someone who loves Cats the Musical for a similar reason.

Me personally? I love Cats the Musical because it's fun. It's an entertaining show with incredible music and characters. I love the show because it is the reason I've met some of my best friends in the entire world. The show got me through COVID, and some very difficult times with my mental health. It's the show I've been lucky enough to see live multiple times, with the most fantastic and kind cast. It is the show that helped me learn about the LGBTQIA+ community via the fandom, understand and become comfortable with being bisexual, and provided characters that I can identify on a personal level. It is the show that made me fall back in love with writing, and helped to create one of my most favorite OCs in the entire world.

I genuinely say that Cats the Musical saved my life.

And that's just my experience.

There are people who have had experiences with other musicals. They see the show as having saved their life, or giving them new experiences. I love that. I love seeing how musical theater has impacted the people who experience it. I think it's wonderful, and it's amazing that there are so many different shows that people can see and fall in love with.

Why are the experiences of Cats the Musical fans suddenly deemed inferior just because of the show they enjoy? Why do we, as fans, have to defend our enjoyment of a show?

You're not cool for hating on Cats the Musical.

You're not cool for hating on fans of the show.

Cats the Musical is a good show, it ran for years in London for a reason, it ran for years on Broadway for a reason, and it's STILL running in Japan for a reason.

Cats the Musical isn't bad, y'all just hate fun.

#cats the musical #musical theater #newsies #vent post #this is a long af post but yeah #all these polls are getting under my skin and i just have to put this out #cats the musical i love you forever and ever

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ninyard · 10 days

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Thoughts on Kevin ending up nonverbal after Baltimore and everyone’s reaction

God. I love this.

Neil comes back, everyone - even Andrew, especially Andrew - is focusing on him, and listening to him talk, and Kevin kind of... sinks off into the background.

He doesn't mind it, really. Yeah, it's weird that Andrew has hardly looked at him, it's weird that Neil hasn't said much to him at all yet, but it's okay. He sits back, and listens. But the more time that passes, the more this feeling creeps its way up into his chest, around his heart, around his throat.

What will the Moriyama's do now that the Butcher is dead? Has Neil implicated them in it all, did he rat them out to the FBI? If the Moriyama's name finds itself involved in the investigation, how long is it until Day is mentioned? How long is it until someone starts questioning the hand, and the nest, and how long is it until all of these loose ends and messy leads find their way right up to Riko's feet?

There's a hundred questions in his head, but all he can do is sit and stare at a drink in his hand as the stories about Nathaniel Wesninski find their way around the room. Usually at this point Andrew would turn to him, and look between his eyes, and send him some sort of comfort, but he was too involved to care. But that's okay.

Kevin isn't sure he would be of much comfort right now, anyway - he thinks of his hands around his throat, he thinks about how scared he was to lose Neil, how quickly he turned on Kevin to keep Neil safe. Kevin doesn't blame him. But he doesn't forget about it. He knows what it means.

He sleeps that night without saying anything, he's not even sure anybody noticed him leaving early the next morning. He goes for a run as the sun comes up, and the dorm room is still empty when he returns. He makes a coffee. He sits by the broken window. He thinks of all the things he could say to Neil, the things he wants to say to Neil, but nothing feels right. Everything is half formed, and worthless, and when he imagines the words leaving his mouth, they lose their meaning. They lose their purpose.

Andrew texts him sometime before 10, later than Kevin expected him to text, but earlier than he expected him to be awake. It's not much, but something that doesn't require much effort to answer - you good? Kevin doesn't respond. Instead he takes a shower, pulling on the most comfortable and loose fitting clothes he can find afterwards, and he finds himself under the covers of his bed before he could find the energy to convince himself to be productive. He pulls the sheets tight around his head, hugging himself to keep the fabric from loosening.

He thought Neil was dead. He knew Neil should be dead. But he wasn't. And somehow, for some reason, it felt like he was next.

It felt like Neil had dodged certain death time and time and time again, and Kevin had just gotten off lucky. How could he explain that? How could he explain to anyone that he was glad Neil had survived, but he didn't understand it at all? How could he explain to anyone that he was afraid he was next - perhaps if he'd spent more time listening to what Neil was saying the night beforehand, he'd know more about what he'd told the FBI. Instead he'd spent most of that time exhausted and anxious.

He tried to tell himself it was jealousy, for a while, to shame himself into stopping this selfish feeling, but that wasn't true. Jealous that the attention wasn't on him, jealous that everyone cared so much about Neil. He wasn't jealous of anything Neil had been through. For a minute he wondered if it was the attention, but Kevin had never cared much for the attention of his teammates. He'd lost most of their desire to be his friend quite quickly into his arrival to South Carolina, and Andrew was the only one who seemed in anyway interested in dealing with his bullshit. Even then Kevin knew it was a chore, an obligation. Was Andrew his friend? Was he his friend anymore?

Do I keep going? Do I keep thinking about Kevin going into this hole of not knowing what to say, not knowing who cares, not knowing what matters? There probably isn't much of a reaction at all - the only reason people notice being that it's been suspiciously long since Kevin has bitched to them. Neil notices as quick as Andrew does, but he has so much recovery to do, so much mental energy to recoup.

I just picture the trip to the cabins, and Kevin still hasn't said much at all, but nobody really notices. Andrew can't be bothered trying to pull it out of him, so he just accepts that Kevin's gone quiet, and he doesn't say anything about it. It's not that he doesn't care, he just doesn't see a point of trying, because when Kevin goes quiet, he has to come out of it himself. So Andrew knows there's nothing he can do. Neil notices it too, but Andrew just tells him that he's fine.

Then them telling him about Kengo? About Jean? Him finding out where Renee has gone?

#yesyesyes #im thinking about this #and non verbal kevin is something i need very much thank you #ask #mine

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yuquinzel · 1 year

Text

❛ ‧˚ IDLE TOWN — mikage reo.

notes ⨾ hurt / comfort, [ 1.6k wc ] i basically wrote this for practice but I'll post it bc i need feedback + my first attempt at actual angst so idk here have some reo angst i promise i'll make up for it with fluff later :P

you are leaving, for good. and reo knows he cannot stop it.

pause. rewind. he came back home three hours ago, everything was fine. or so he believed. he took note of your silence much quickly. you were talking, yes— but you were silent. he finds silence in your empty glances, less words and more hums for responses. you speak but your words are nothing more than incoherent blurbs of sound. you're silent when he asks you about your day, because you do not ask him the same.

he knows you well. too well to simply brush this of a result of exhaustion. the room he is in is cold, he winces because he does not find you in his arms and because that means you must be cold too. he knew to give you space, sometime to collect your thoughts as he does his.

but an hour or so has passed, reo wants to see you now. he can never always leave you to your thoughts for long lest you need a second voice to become the comforting reminder of not being alone. but if he's being honest, then this is more of a selfish act than a serving one. maybe more than you, he does not want to be left alone with his thoughts.

“hey,” a caffeinated sort of anxiety washes over him when he enters your shared bedroom. the air isn't awkward, but it is not comfortable either, “what're you up to?”

you are still silent, preferring a low and dismissive hum instead. he sits himself on the edge of the bed, hesitant as the way you'd approach a storm. he waits for eleven heartbeats— he knows because he can hear his heart— you don't say anything.

“talk to me, something's on your mind.” reo says. he feels your gaze scan him over, you are searching for something in him. that's the most of a response he's gotten out of you tonight. he hopes you find whatever answer you're looking for, an answer you've decided you won't find in his words.

“i don't know reo, i just— i'm exhausted.” you're lying. he can tell, you don't sound exhausted. you sound defeated. he also knows you are not lying to him, but to yourself. but he does not know what to say, maybe— maybe you still need time. it's okay, he reminds himself. we're okay, it repeats in his mind.

“then let's just get to bed, ’kay?” he can taste the desperation in his voice, it lingers like a bitter aftertaste. why he feels so unsure, he does not know. all he knows is that he doesn't like this — whatever this is — it's hollowing him out from the inside.

his hand instinctively comes to brush back the strands of hair behind your ear. he freezes when you recoil. “i— i'm gonna sleep in the guest bedroom tonight.” his heart stammers in his chest like your voice. you don't give him the luxury of a momentary pause, instead quickly standing up on your feet.

reo's just as quick. his hand envelopes your wrist, you wince a little from the harshness of his hold. “w-what? — no, you can't do that.” his voice is a little raised, long gone is the tenderness he always brings with himself. he's scared. he knows you are too. he looks at you, in hopes of a waver in your composure. you have been oddly calm this entire time, it settles uncomfortably in his stomach.

“i'm not asking you reo, i just need to be alone. just— just let me be.” there's a finality in your meek voice, reo winces at the biting tone.

but he's firm on his words, “this isn't fair, y/n. something's obviously bothering you and instead of talking to me like an adult, you're just giving me the fucking silent treatment? well, shit. i can't read your mind. talk to me— you always do.”

you have to look away, “i'm not doing this with you right now.” you wrestle your wrist out of his grip, walking out of the room with heavy steps that reo follows all too quickly— but you don't really walk into the guest bedroom as he'd feared. you stop. reo sucks in a deep, cold breath.

“what do you want from me?” your voice unfurls in shades of hurt, exhaustion and defeat altogether. reo furrows his brows, his heart beginning to pick up its rhythm, “no, what do you want from me? what did i even do wrong?”

“where were you today, reo? what was your day like?”

your question takes him aback, confusion weaving through the lines on his forehead. “what — you already know that, i texted you i had plans. you read my message, you replied.”

he pauses when a bitter, short-lived laugh leaves your lips. “right, you still don't remember.” your voice feels as empty as your null expression.

“we had a date today, reo. the date you promised to make time for, the date which was an apology because you haven't been home lately. that date — you forgot in favor of hanging out with your friends.” you are breathless now. reo can so clearly see the tears collecting in your eyes, and he also knows you're trying to keep them from falling. he knows you too well, after all.

reo feels lost. his shoulders slack in defeat, his thoughts blur altogether trying to make sense of your words. a heavy, stinging lump claws at his throat. it scratches him from inside until his voice bleeds in the form of quick and staggered breaths, “why — why didn't you say anything?”

this is where the tears trail down your cheeks, reo feels the ache to wipe the damp trails they leave in their wake. but he wills himself against it, he can not. he's afraid you'll burn if he touches you and he's not really ready for that. “i waited — i thought you'd remember. i was waiting for you.”

you don't wipe your tears yourself. because reo has always done that for you. he regrets his prior hesitance, and reaches out his hand to caress the side of your face. you're kind with that. you don't step back, you let him pad his thumb across your skin. he's grateful.

“i'm sorry,” he says. its heavy, but he doubts it carries much wait. “i'm sorry, i — i'm sorry. i'm such a fucking idiot. it just— ” he stammers, voice stuck in his throat. reo feels like he's choking on his words. he knows there's no way to undo the hurt, he knows you won't just forgive him with a few worded apologies. he knows he does not deserve it either. it took until your silence for him to finally hear you. it took until you decided to leave, for him to realize he would give up anything to make you stay.

“i don't want your sorry's reo, i'm tired, i — i want to leave.” a shaky exhale leaves you. next you're walking towards the main door instead of the guest bedroom. reo's feet are stuck to the ground. he swallows back the rising bile in his throat.

“no, wait, it — it's midnight, y/n, love, we still need to talk —”

“what's there to talk about now? what can you say besides you're sorry?”

you are leaving, for good. reo knows he cannot stop it.

but still he finds his feet following your steps. he finds his hand grasping your in attempts to get you to just wait, just— just listen. he finds his knees strike the earth, and although he's scared, he looks up at you once more. he finds himself at a loss for words yet with enough urgency to say something — anything — that it scorches his lips.

“please don't— please, i know i fucked up, i know.” he begins, and you're not so cruel as to walk away this time. “i know i can't say anything besides that i'm sorry, i'm so sorry i made you feel like you weren't important. i'm sorry i promised to do something about it and broke it. i'm so sorry i love you so much that i'm still too selfish to let you go—” you shiver with the slightest tremor in his voice, the crack in rushed breaths that's so very uncharacteristic of him. “— but stay. please stay, y/n. let me show you that you deserve better. please. i don't want to lose you, not like this.”

“reo, get up.” you breathe, voice still as shaky. reo's scared. he's scared to have said something wrong, scared that he pushed you even further way. scared that he has already lost you. but he gets on his feet back up.

it takes a few uncounted heartbeats before you speak again, “you promised reo, after you'd barely been home the entire month. and i waited like an idiot— i love you, so much that i don't know what to do with this anymore.”

reo consumes you in his embrace. it is nothing firm or strong, but just something to keep you close. it's grounding. reo feels all your breaths as they come and go, “we can figure it out. we'll talk, about everything. like we always do. you said we make a good team right? we can — we can talk about it in the morning.”

reo is afraid you'll disappear if he lets you go now, and you're finally holding on to him as well.

“i'm exhausted reo,” you whisper this time. but you are holding on to him, with something akin to the sincerity and the hope of being held the same way. so he does.

“i know, i love you. it's okay,” reo hums, he feels breathless. “we'll figure it out in the morning, yeah?”

it takes a weak nod from you to make his shoulders relax, all the worry lines of his forehead unwinding and as he rakes his fingers through your hair — he hopes it does the same for you. it has always calmed you down. he hopes that hasn't changed.

this is where he hooks an arm under your thighs, the other so gently wrapped over your shoulder as he lifts you up in one swift motion. you cling to him. reo is grateful.

he knows you have much to talk about. but when you let your head fall to rest on his chest, when you tell him you like the sound of his heart, when you still say you love him as he lays you down on the bed, the warmth pooling the sheets as much as your eyes — he knows the two of you will be alright.

you stay — and that's all reo cares about.

i don't really like this :D but okay anyway i hope you did + I'm tagging @venusbby @inariezaki @hyomagiri @rinnahhhh @kyoghurts @luvether and i still believe taglists are scary ^_^

#❛ ‧˚🪐 — the dusk renditions.#mikage reo x reader #reo mikage x reader #mikage reo x you #reo mikage x you #blue lock angst #blue lock fluff #reo x reader fluff #reo angst #blue lock x reader #blue lock x you #bllk x reader #ive decided i hate writing angst for my precious munchkin

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ivelle-serenity · 4 months

Text

Skateboard 5

Wind breaker

author's note: i'm sorry if you're being impatient for smut, trust me, I was too. I just need the fml to interact with the boys. They say slow burn is at its finest.

✧˖° — windbreaker men

✧˖° — mdni, smut, description of not safe for work content.

✧˖° — this is a story not one shot.

Jay followed my instructions, his movements more fluid this time. "Like this?" he asked, glancing at me for confirmation.

"Exactly," I said, smiling. "You're getting it."

For a moment, we were both silent, just standing there, him on his bike and me beside him. The tension from earlier seemed to melt away, replaced by a comfortable understanding.

"Thanks for the tip," Jay said, breaking the silence again.

"You're welcome," I replied, feeling a bit more at ease. "Just remember to keep your elbows wide and your grip firm. It'll help you stay balanced."

Jay nodded.

As we rejoined the rest of the group, I couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment. Interacting with Jay had been nerve-wracking, but it also felt surprisingly natural. Maybe joining their crew wouldn't be so bad after all.

I bit my lower lip as I realized June, Dom, Minu, Yuna, and Mia had been watching us the entire time. I felt so embarrassed! They must have been surprised, especially after our training where we warmed up with a 180km bike ride from the city to the countryside. It was exhausting, but I enjoyed it with them.

After our training, I noticed Jay practicing the tips I gave him, so I went over to help. But I didn’t expect the rest of the crew to be watching us!

"Wow, you're getting close to the foreigner. How come you always attract foreign girls?" June laughed, crossing his arms. Jay ignored him, continuing to drink his water.

"Damn, good thing Demitra can speak Korean. That blue-haired girl, I couldn’t understand a word she said!" Dom complained while wiping his sweat.

Blue-haired girl? That sounds familiar.

"You know her too?" Jay asked quietly from beside me, though I knew his friends were listening.

"Nah, I don't think so," I forced a smile. He looked at me for a long moment, as if trying to gauge the truth.

Minu cleared his throat. "We noticed you were teaching Jay. It seems you know a lot of biking skills?" he asked. Mia nodded in agreement.

I looked down at my bike, balancing without holding the handlebars. "Just a few," I said. Dom gave me a doubtful look. "I used to love doing tricks on ramps." I added.

"You're talking about the ramps at the skatepark?" June asked, eyes wide with shock.

I rubbed the back of my head, feeling embarrassed. "Yeah, that's my specialty."

Mia's jaw dropped. "If I'm not mistaken, are you one of those bicycle riders who do tricks in the air? Like spinning around?" she asked, stunned. I nodded.

"That's dangerous, right?" Dom asked June, who nodded in disbelief while looking at me.

"But of course, I don't use those in tournaments. Actually, I don't do those tricks much anymore. I'm more into sprint riding, like what Dom does," I explained, looking at Dom. Jay adjusted his posture, clearly interested.

"You also know some techniques for sprint riding?" Jay asked, and everyone looked at him. I laughed softly.

"Maybe a little?"

"You're just being humble," Yuna gave me a sharp look.

"Isn't it unfair that you’re teaching Jay but not us?" Dom said dramatically. Jay avoided his gaze and got on his bike.

"Well, I would love to help you—"

"It's too late. We need to go home now," Jay interrupted, making me widen my eyes.

"What!? Oh come on, man! Don't be so selfish!"

"What do you mean 'we'? Are you taking Demitra with you?" Minu clarified, locking eyes with Jay as if they were having a silent conversation.

I remembered our last conversation before the training session. Jay had offered to help me with my Korean literature studies. I even asked him where we’d study since it wasn't allowed at my place! Plus, I've never brought a guy to my apartment; my roommates might assume Jay is my boyfriend. How embarrassing would that be? Thankfully, he volunteered his place since he’s not allowed to stay out late either.

"He’s going to help me with Korean literature and history." I interjected into their conversation.

Mia chuckled. "You seem to learn quickly, judging by how well you speak Korean! I know you can do it."

"Just the two of you?" Minu asked Jay seriously. Jay looked at him without any emotion, but I could feel a strange tension.

"It won’t take long! Don’t worry!" I quickly added.

"Well, good luck, Demitra! Jay isn't the best teacher, you might give up halfway!" Dom laughed.

I noticed Jay had already started biking, so I hurriedly got on my bike and waved at everyone. "See you tomorrow!" I called out cheerfully before following Jay, who was ahead of me. I pouted. Why was he in such a hurry?

I followed Jay because I didn't know where his house was. He was quiet, but I guess that’s normal for him. I couldn’t believe Shelly liked this type of guy. It was very unusual for her.

I was deep in thought when we arrived at a large house. My jaw dropped in shock at how big his house was. Was this where he lived? Wow, he must be rich.

"Just park your bike here," he said, snapping me out of my thoughts. I nodded and did as he said, parking my bike next to his.

Without another word, he walked inside. I bit my lip nervously. Was he not going to invite me in? It felt awkward just walking in unannounced. What if his parents were inside?

I was startled when Jay came back. "What are you still standing there for? Come in," he said before turning away. I pouted.

"Who’s with you, Jay?" I was surprised to see a small boy wearing glasses. He seemed just as surprised to see me, his cheeks turning red. "W-Who..."

"Turn off the TV if you’re not watching," Jay told him. He went into what I assumed was his room, leaving the door open. Was that where we’d study?

"It's nice to meet you, Jay's brother. Hi! I'm Demitra!" I introduced myself, holding out my hand. Jay’s brother just stared at me, his face red. I frowned and forced a smile.

It was so awkward because Jay's brother didn't say a word. He was just staring at me like he was looking through my soul. I forced a smile. "I'll head in now," I said awkwardly before walking into Jay's room.

"Your brother is weird," I said to Jay, setting my bag on the table. I watched as Jay organized his things.

He didn’t respond, instead handing me three books, one of which was a dictionary. I frowned at the books.

"What is this?"

"A dictionary," he said, as if stating the obvious.

"Yes, I know it's a dictionary. What's it for?" I raised an eyebrow. "I’m struggling more with Korean literature and history than the language itself."

His expression didn’t change. "Your Korean isn’t that good," he stated. My jaw dropped. "Maybe that’s why you can't understand our lessons about history."

"Hey, take that back! You understand what I’m saying! Even your friends!"

He shook his head. "It’s lame. I can barely understand you."

I dramatically held my chest. "Whatever, no offense, but Japanese is easier to learn than Korean."

"I agree."

I couldn’t believe this guy! I let out a sharp breath before sitting down. The contents of the books were overwhelming. This was harder than physics. Why did I end up in Korea? I glanced at Jay, who was staring at his phone.

"Are you going to teach me or not?" I raised an eyebrow at him. He looked at me boredly.

"Read that first."

"How can I read it if I don’t understand it?" I said sarcastically.

He stared at me for a moment before sighing and putting his phone down. He took the dictionary from my hands and replaced it with a larger book.

"Start with the basics," he said. When I opened the book, my jaw dropped. It was the Korean alphabet!

"Oh, come on, I already know some of these."

"Some? Then you should know all of these," he said, placing the book on the table. I cursed inwardly.

"Now I understand why Dom said you’re a terrible teacher," I grumbled, starting to read. As usual, he didn’t respond.

"How did you get a girlfriend when you’re this quiet?" I muttered while reading. "Huh?" I glared at him.

"It’s none of your business."

I rolled my eyes. "I heard you’re a player. How come Shelly doesn’t get jealous?" I teased without looking at him.

"Those are just rumors."

I laughed softly and continued reading. I glanced at Jay, who was now looking at his phone. Without his glasses, I realized how handsome he was. His mullet haircut suited him. No wonder many girls liked him.

Besides being handsome, he was good at biking and wasn’t very talkative. Some girls might prefer a quiet guy as a boyfriend, thinking there’s less chance he’d cheat because he’s so reserved.

My heart almost stopped when he looked up, and our eyes met.

"If you keep staring at me, you should just go home."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Is this how you treat girls? So rude," I muttered. "I was just about to ask you something about what I’m reading, but never mind."

He cleared his throat. "Show me. Where are you having trouble?" He must have heard my muttering.

"Forget it. I just remembered the internet exists. I’ll search for the meaning," I said, grabbing my phone.

He was silent for a moment.

"That’s a consonant. It refers to a double s," he suddenly said. My eyes widened when I realized how close our faces were. He had leaned in to look at the book. I could literally feel my heart racing. I was still distracted by how close our faces were to each other, so I didn't even notice what I had searched on my phone.

"Too late, I already looked it up," I whispered.

"You shouldn’t use your phone while studying."

"Well, genius, if you were a better teacher, I wouldn’t need to."

I continued reading, trying to push away my distraction. I couldn't help but feel Jay's gaze on me, and the thought of our eyes meeting again made me too embarrassed to look up. Is this what it's like when you like someone? I sighed and tried to focus on what I was reading.

As I went through the Korean alphabet, it felt more familiar, like I was revisiting what I had studied before deciding to come to Korea. It refreshed my memory. Maybe the reason I struggled with Korean history was that I had forgotten the correct way to read their language.

"Vinny..." My forehead creased at the name. "You know him? You’re friends with the Sabbath?" Jay suddenly asked.

And now I was doomed.

"No, I'm not, especially Vinny. He hates me."

He paused, clearly puzzled. "But he said you’re his friend."

"No, he’s just bluffing," I said with irritation.

"They are dangerous. You should stay away from them."

Well, it's too late. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't just walk away now. Wooin helped with my parents' debt. I can't just abandon him. Even though I'm confused about why he did it, I still choose to serve them.

"Are you saying your friend is dangerous?" I asked seriously.

Jay didn't respond, his expression unreadable. I know he is old friends with Vinny. So why would he warned me from him?

I sighed, feeling the weight of the situation. "Look, I know it's risky, but I owe them. Wooin helped my family when no one else could. I can't just turn my back on that."

Jay's eyes flickered with something I couldn't quite identify—concern, maybe? But he remained silent, his gaze steady on mine.

Finally, Jay spoke, his voice softer. "Just be careful."

I nodded, appreciating his concern. "Worried for me? Aw," I teased. "I didn't expect you to have this side to you." I continued to tease, but he remained serious, shaking his head. I couldn't help but laugh, knowing he was probably feeling embarrassed by my comments.

Actually, studying with Jay isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I expected him to give me a hard time, but it seems like it's just his personality to be reserved. I suddenly paused. What if he isn't really like this, especially with Shelly?

Oh, come on, Demitra. Why should I care about that? I frowned, feeling irritated with myself.

I was jolted from my thoughts by a knock on the door. Jay stood up to answer it, and I almost froze when I saw a middle-aged woman. From her appearance, she looked like Jay's mother! I quickly stood up and bowed.

"Good evening, Ma'am," I greeted her. She gave me a cold look. Now it made sense why Jay always had that cold expression on his face. He inherited it from his mom.

"You didn't eat dinner again?" she said sternly. I looked at Jay, confused, but his face remained emotionless.

"We're studying," he replied shortly.

"You didn't eat breakfast, and I know you didn't eat lunch at school either," his mother said angrily, but she paused when she noticed me.

"Let's talk in the living room."

"I'm fine. Just leave," Jay said.

"Jaehyun," his mother said firmly, leaving Jay with no choice but to get up. I was left alone in his room.

My heart pounded with worry about what I had witnessed. Was Jay going to be scolded? Was it because of me that he hadn't eaten dinner? I hadn't eaten dinner either. Damn, maybe it's my fault he missed his meal. His mother should be scolding me, not him!

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 8 months

Text

Second Best 1

Warnings: non/dubcon, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Characters: Lee Bodecker

Summary: The newly-single sheriff sets his eye on an unexpected match.

Part of the Backwoods AU

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

"You're so boring. Vanilla," Greta teases as you push through the grocery store door to the sidewalk.

"Simple but tasty," you roll your eyes, "as if Rocky Road is so exciting."

"Whatever," she follows you to the picnic table just outside the store.

You sit as she swipes her tongue around the heaping scoops and you take tiny licks of your own. You pull the napkin closer to the top to catch the melting drip. She presses her lips to the ice cream before popping them off and licking them clean. You frown at her but she's looking past you.

You crane to look over your shoulder. Sheriff Bodecker stands by his cruiser, sunglasses on as he stares in your direction. He wears a crooked grin as he leans his weight on one heel, emphasizing the pudge around his middle.

You turn back to hide your disgust.

"He's a bit old for you," you chide.

"Old and rich. Single now, too," she continues to fellate the cone as you try not to hurl up vanilla.

"Charming," you muse.

"Loosen up," she hisses, "not all of us are pure little virgins.

"Shut up," you exclaim, "am not."

She arches a brow in challenge and you try to shrug her off. Your cheeks burn and you try to cool off with another lick of the cone. She's your best friend but she can sure be cruel.

A shadow approaches and blocks out the sun. You glance over from the corner of your eye and see the silhouette of the Sheriff's broad hat brim. Greta tugs on a strand of her hair and leans forward so her tank top slumps down her chest.

"How are you doing, sheriff?" She purrs.

"Fine day out," he drawls, "I'm doing just good. You girls enjoying the sunshine. Stayin' outta trouble."

"Trouble? I wouldn't know anything about that now," she flirts with a wink. You smother your sarcasm with the dessert.

"Oh, you don't?" He puts a hand on the table and leans, "I didn't see you down at The Horn last Saturday?"

"Did you? You didn't say hi," she intones.

"Suppose I was feelin' shy," he chuckles.

"Gret, come on," you shift the cone as you try to sop up the melting ice cream, "let's find some shade."

"You can go," she dismisses with a flick of her fingers.

You huff and look between her and the sheriff. He glances down at you and grins.

"Sorry, sweetie, I'm not meaning to shoulder ya out," he turns and stands straight, crossing his arms over his stomach, "you know, I'm not a selfish man. I can handle both of ya."

The airs knocked out of you at his suggestion. You're not a prude by any means. Maybe not experienced but you're open-minded. He just isn't your type and you shouldn't be his.

"Um," you swallow and stand, "I... I'm going to grab more napkins."

He scoffs as you step over the bench and you quickly skirt away. If he didn't have a badge, you would tell him where to go. You're so tired of Greta doing this. It's exactly why you don't go to the bar with her.

You go inside and stride back up to the ice cream bar. You grab napkins and send Oskar a smile over the top. He chuckles at the mess trickling down your hand.

You decide to wander the aisles and give Greta a chance to sow her endless wild oats. Ugh. The sheriff? Really? Word is he left the new librarian for a waitress his deputy was dating. Then they didn't last more than a week.

It's gross how the old women gossip and say the librarian didn't do enough for him, that she never gave him a child. The man needs a legacy and you can't blame him for finding someone who can deliver it. Ew. This place is so backwards.

You finish the cone and go into the bathroom to rinse off the stickiness on your fingers. You head back out, hoping it's enough time for the sheriff to get a call. As you emerge, you see Greta walking with him to his cruiser.

"Really? You're just going to ditch me?" You snip as you approach.

"Now, darlin', you're welcome to join us," The sheriff turns with a wink.

"Um, no thanks," you say curtly and the corner of his lips twitches, "I'm good. Greta--"

"I don't feel like sitting around doing nothing," she snorts, "if you don't wanna have fun, go home."

You scowl and look away. It's not the first time, it won't be the last.

"Fine," you jut out your chin at her, "have fun."

"Don't be jealous?"

"Trust me, I'm not," you snarl, "next time you call, I won't answer."

"You will," she snickers, "I'm your only fucking friend."

You wave her off and twist on your heel. As you do, you notice the sheriff watching you. You quickly avert your eyes and stomp away.

You can't help but quake with anger. As shitty as Greta can be, she's right. She is your only friend. You hate this town.

#lee bodecker #dark lee bodecker #dark!lee bodecker #lee bodecker x reader #the devil all the time #au #backwoods au #drabble #series #second best

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skippersthecat · 8 months

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I hate misogyny so here is every reason why Teruhashi is a wonderful and complex character.

It's not stuck up of Teruhashi to call herself a goddess because it's true. That's literally how everyone has treated her for her entire life. She's not an idiot. Teruhashi knows how beautiful she is. Expecting her not to acknowledge her own beauty is exactly what her fans do because they don't see her as a real person with thoughts.

Being raised this way has also seriously warped her self perception. She doesn't even see how creepy it is to have stalkers everywhere, many of whom are grown ass men. Teruhashi has been raised with the highest expectations and must enact her perfect girl persona to keep everyone around her happy because she is as much of a people pleaser as Saiki is. Her entire self-worth comes down to whether or not people find her beautiful because the only thing people see her as is a pretty girl. That is why it destroys her when Saiki doesn't like her. If he doesn't like her then her place as perfect pretty girl is threatened, which means her entire livelihood is at stake.

At first she wanted Saiki to like her because she wanted to maintain her livelihood and self-worth, but then she did grow to actually love him. Saiki is the first guy to not treat her like an object even after all her attempts. Teruhashi is always under attack from the male gaze and isn't even safe in her own home because of Makoto. Of course she would fall for the only guy who treats her like a human.

Teruhashi has accepted that in order to be liked she must make others feel good about themselves, even if it is at her own expense (like when she goes to the disgusting ramen shop or faints from exhaustion trying to memorize facts about people). It is manipulative and selfish of her to feign interest in others to maintain her persona, but what other choice does she have? Teruhashi's mind has been so warped that she doesn't believe anyone could possibly like her for her true self. That's what makes her so complex and interestingly flawed. Expecting a female character to be perfect and only exist to serve the interests of the male characters is exactly what the Kokomins and misogynists in general think.

Teruhashi also does genuinely love her friends once she realizes they like her for who she is. She rejects Saiko because he made fun of her friends, realizing that he is exactly who she used to be and that she doesn't want to he like that anymore. She cares about Mera and Yumehara even if they are seen as weird and unpopular. She sacrifices her image over and over in order to hang out with Saiki and his friends that are considered the class losers. She does genuinely want to make people happy and will do so at her own expense.

#i love teruhashi #its ok to not like a character #but i wish the people who didnt like teruhashi had anything other than misogynistic reasons #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k.#teruhashi kokomi

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yumeka-sxf · 9 months

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A chronological analysis on Twilight and Yor - Part 24

*This is part of an ongoing post series. If you missed the Introduction/Part 1, click here*

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When Twilight finds out that there's a bomb on the ship, he's at first torn about whether to intervene or not. This is an interesting situation for him because it's not a mission he was assigned to do, and intervening could run the risk of revealing himself to the SSS. But at the same time, not intervening and relying on the SSS being capable enough to take care of it, is risky, too.

If Twilight was the selfish, unfeeling spy he makes himself out to be, he would figure out a way to escape the ship with just himself, Yor, and Anya (of course he'd insist he's only taking them with him "for the mission"). He'd probably use one of the lifeboats like the eavesdropping assassin used, perhaps even contact WISE beforehand so they could pick him up. But we know that he's way too conscientious to let such a catastrophic event take place when he could have used his skills to prevent it. So, like his wife elsewhere on the ship, he makes the unselfish decision to help others even if it's a risk to himself.

Later, Twilight has some final bouts of second-guessing regarding his decision when he picks up Anya at the daycare that night.

Rather than be proud of himself or even relieved that he was able to stop a potential crisis, he instead feels regret that he had to once again abandon his family…but his family is also part of his mission…so by averting the crisis, he saved them? But taking a vacation was also his mission, so does that mean his mission is to…not have a mission? Even I had trouble making sense of his thoughts here, but it's clear that the poor man still has a long way to go before he's not so unnaturally hung up about "missions." Rebecca Silverman on ANN neatly wraps up Twilight's cruise arc character development in an article here, to quote:

"…He wants to make sure the ship doesn't go down, but he also doesn't want to just abandon his child so he can go save it, and that's a distinction that hasn't been as clear in his mind before now. His little meltdown at the end is him fighting against the realization that this family isn't just a “mission” to him anymore; he's now a dad. This is beautifully shown when he catches Anya when she rolls off her bunk; not only is he attuned to her movements, but he cradles her for a moment instead of putting her down immediately. The smile on his face says that he cares, even if he's not comfortable with the idea."

Speaking of the aforementioned scene of Twilight catching Anya when she fell off the bunk bed, the anime adds this new footage of the early morning before the ship arrives at the resort island. Considering Twilight's doubts the night before, we see one of his rare, not-forced smiles, as he interacts with Anya.

Meanwhile, Yor is alone in her room treating her injuries. We know that she didn't sleep at all the night before since she was keeping watch over Olka's group the whole time. She then spent most of the following night in life or death struggles against various assassins, so she looks rightfully exhausted (and I'm sure the pain from her wounds disturbed what little time she was able to sleep).

While they wait for Yor at the island, Anya continues to show how much she has Twilight wrapped around her little finger – all she has to do is suggest that he's not acting like a "normal" dad would, and he immediately bursts into an awkward skip to try and prove to whoever's looking that, yes, he is just a dad having fun on vacation!

However, as soon as he realizes that Yor is there, his face reddens in embarrassment. He doesn't care if nearby strangers think he's acting like a silly, fun-loving dad, but it seems like he doesn't want Yor's view of him as a dignified, composed husband to be tarnished.

His look of concern when he notices that Yor's face is swollen is emphasized more in the anime…what could have been his first thought upon seeing that? However, when she tells him that despite City Hall's failed attempt to win over the couple, they were smiling in the end, he softens. Since the latter part of Yor's words here were not a lie, she was able to express them with genuine satisfaction, and Twilight picked up on her sincere feelings about the matter.

In fact, throughout their entire time on the island, Twilight gazes at Yor with more noticeable softness than he ever has before. From the aforementioned moment when she tells him that the couple were happy, to when she tells him how peaceful she feels watching Anya play with the sheep, and then at the very end of their excursion when he praises her for her hard work while carrying her and Anya back to the ship…Anya may have been right to call him out about missing Yor during the cruise. As I mentioned before, this is likely the longest time he's gone without seeing her since their "marriage," so this may be his subtle way of showing that he missed her.

At this point in the series, it's not hard to tell when Twilight's smile is his fake "Loid Forger" smile versus his real smile – Endo does a good job making the former look "forced," usually accompanied by his eyes being closed in a stiff squint to emphasize the phoniness, while in the latter case, his eyes are much more relaxed and his expression is more animated overall. Nightfall noticed this as well during her visit to the Forger house – how Twilight's real feelings seeped through the phony smile, particularly when his eyes relaxed.

Takuya Eguchi, Twilight's voice actor, also does a good job changing the pitch of his voice slightly when he's speaking as Loid Forger versus speaking his true feelings. If you compare how Twilight converses with Yor in this episode compared to, say, how he converses with Desmond during their encounter at Eden, the difference is very noticeable…even though, according to Twilight, both situations are "for the mission." In his mind, he shouldn't feel anything special for Yor compared to Desmond or anyone else he has to put on an act in front of. And yet, his voice and eyes convey otherwise.

It's been a while since the Forgers went on a family outing, so it was wonderful seeing them enjoy such a variety of activities together. What stood out to me the most as far as analyzing was Yor's difficulty riding the horse.

This may be more of a headcanon, but I feel like animals are uncomfortable around her because they can sense her insane physical strength even when she's not actively showing it. This could be why Kopi didn't put up any fight when she grabbed him, why all she had to do was glare at the German shepherd for him to run away, and why this horse doesn't want her riding him. It could also be why she's Bond's least favorite according to Endo in the fanbook. Also, Yor's fear of bugs makes sense since they're so tiny and quick, which makes them very difficult to take down from an assassinating perspective.

While Anya plays with the sheep at the petting zoo, Yor is finally able to fully relax for the first time in days, since she got the cruise assignment. She doesn't have to do anything in that moment besides watch Anya enjoying herself to the fullest in this lovely, peaceful little town. She tells Loid how peaceful she feels while also thinking to herself that she hopes this peace could last forever. Out of all the activities they did together, the reason this particular scene is so emphasized is because it perfectly portrays the reason Yor decided to keep being Thorn Princess back on the ship – so that children, whether her little brother Yuri, Anya, Gram, or whoever, can live freely and innocently in a peaceful world. And, when she expresses to Loid how peaceful she feels here, he says that he feels the same way.

As I just discussed, Twilight was not in "Loid Forger acting mode" here, so the reason he honestly agrees with her is because he's fighting for the same thing. Like I mentioned in Part 21, Twilight and Yor continue to do their ugly, thankless jobs in order to secure the peace of future generations.

When it's time for them to head back to the ship, Yor's exhaustion finally gets the best of her, forcing Twilight to carry both her and Anya in his arms on the way back. While he's a bit perturbed at first since some onlookers were snickering at him, it didn't take long for him to give into his feelings in that moment – namely, his genuine appreciation of Yor's sacrifice so that Anya could have a wonderful day with both parents. Though it's not a long scene, I think this is one of the most significant scenes for their relationship thus far (along with the post-Fiona date). Why is it so significant? Because there was no reason for Twilight to put on any Loid Forger acting in that moment, since he wasn't conversing with nor being scrutinized by anyone.

So why would he give that soft smile followed by such affectionate, comforting words as "お疲れ様/otsukaresama"? (this can be translated in many ways, but generally it's what you say to thank someone for their hard work). The answer is because it's something he truly felt...he knows all about being overworked and tired, yet Yor still made the effort to spend the day with them to make Anya happy. And, as her father (or "for the mission" in his language), he was grateful for that (now if only he knew the sacrifice she made on the larger scale!)

Many scenes in the cruise arc, as well as the resort island episode in particular, showcase that Twilight has a distinct relationship with both Yor and Anya, despite the fact that, in his mind, both relationships should be "fake." He's extremely casual with Anya, not just in his speech (more apparent in the Japanese version) and he doesn't feel any qualms about scolding her when necessary, being strict with her studies, or criticizing her weird little comments and actions that confuse him. The way he acts with Anya is more similar to how he acts with Franky than anyone else. But he's practically the opposite with Yor – despite her actions also confusing him at times, he never scolds, criticizes, or expresses disapproval of what she does. He also always speaks to her politely and, unlike most other people with whom he puts on his Loid Forger act, she's more often on the receiving end of his genuine smiles instead of his fake ones. It could be that because Anya is a child, he feels like he doesn't have to worry so much about acting in ways that would make her suspicious. Also because she's a child, she's less likely to take offense if he lets some of his negative emotions slip out. On the other hand, he knows from both the "post-Yuri's first visit" and "post-Fiona's first visit" instances that Yor has very sensitive self-esteem, so that could be why he's thoughtful about how he interacts with her, always speaking with courtesy and encouragement. He also knows the struggles she's had to go through in the past and how much she genuinely cares about Anya, which is another reason why she brings out his "softness" more often than anyone else.

In a way, Twilight's relationship with both Yor and Anya bring out a side of him that he may not realize he wants to strive for – with Anya, he can be relaxed and can drop the "nice guy" act in favor of being an exasperated but still caring father. And with Yor, he can become the polite, compassionate husband naturally, because he knows that many of her struggles and values are the same as his…he's realizing more and more about how much she sacrifices for others, and that can't help but resonate in him whenever he interacts with her. Perhaps one day he can become these personas and drop the "Loid Forger" and "Twilight" acts for good.

Continue to Part 25 ->

<- Return to Part 23

#sxf #spy family #spy x family #spyxfamily #loid forger #yor forger #twiyor #sxf meta #sxf analysis #loid x yor #loidyor

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