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dragonsoulage · 4 days ago

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Fighting with his beloved nurse...

feat. Giyuu Tomioka

Giyuu is not used to people that like him and that are concerned for him. He does not even understand why you were angry when he got hurt a little too bad for your taste. Afraid he would need to split apart from his favourite nurse. So you two ended up arguing

Hello world I am still sick but I wrote a little Giyuu stuff here. Idk why I feel like he always would think he is not good enough, poor boy so we need to show him that he is precious ✨ anyways I still suck in proof reading but have fun. That's just the first time I wrote something for Demon Slayer 💖

Wordcount: 2,0 k

Warnings: fluff, fighting, a little suggestive in the end

The situation was kinda frustrating. He just came back from a mission a few days ago.

You were a nurse around from the butterfly estate. Stunning, gorgeous, breathtaking...all these words that popped in Giyuus head when you appeared in his sight. But not only that, you were indeed a kind soul. Always gifting him with the sweetest smiles of all when he returned.

Slowly over the years you build a connection with him. He was a cold man, not really social, so it was not that easy. But you were kind from the bottom of your heart. Not even could harm a fly.

Patients you card for all said the same, you were an angel walking on earth.

But even angels can be mad, right?

You and Giyuu, never really named what this was between you two.

All you knew was that when he came back from a mission, and you saw him, you came walking toward him in a quick pace. Hugging him so tight to make sure he was really there. And Giyuu? He always breathed in your scent. One hand on your face needing to look in the depth of your orbs to make sure, you were there and wouldn't leave, like everyone else.

He grew attached, more than that he loved you. He cared deeply, and yet saying it out loud felt so dangerous.

That poor boy was afraid you would slip away when he wasn't careful enough. Although you would never fade, for what reason?

He may be quiet, but he listened to you, he loved when you were yapping around. Or even the deep talk you two had sometimes in the middle of the night, when you slipped into his room after your late night shift was done.

But right now? Oh, you were mad. And why? He did his job, as a Hashira eliminated a demon.

But when he had been coming back it was so close that he could've died, you were freaking out...because you were afraid. "Don't act like that would've been nothing. Look at you." you scolded him, as he stood in front of you. You looked everywhere except his eyes.

"I did my job, you are fully aware that I am a demon slayer, what is the trouble. That's not the first time I come back and not be unharmed." he asked, his voice sounded nonchalant.

He wasn't sure how to respond to your subtle anger, especially not when he was wounded.

Probably he didn't even understand the fact that you liked him so much, that you were actually worried. You sighted trying to make the bandage sit a little better.

"Are you mad?" he asked you then, he sat there shirtless as you personally took care of his wounds. Just a little more to the left and his wound would have been critical. You didn't just see Giyyu as a demon slayer or Hashira anymore. You were afraid that someday, he wouldn't come back. Furthermore, you never doubted his talent, but you were worried.

"Do I look happy?" you asked him back, shortly narrowing your eyes. Now he sighted, he thought he did something wrong. Disappointing? Fighting not hard enough? Being not good enough because he was harmed?

These were his thoughts, although it was quite the opposite.

"You don't." he replied curtly, with a heavy voice, his head was making scenarios.

"Right I am not, when that demon would have hit you just a little more left....you would have been dangerously wounded." you meant while you reached around his torso for the bandage.

"I endured worse things. I don't understand why you are making a fuss." probably this was not the answer you wanted to hear. Or that anyone want to hear. You loved him, cared so deep for him. It was not a fuss, at least not for you. You saw a lot of demon slayers die in your job, and you didn't want to have him on the list. You were done with the bandage and looked at him, sad eyes coupled with angry ones.

"A fuss? Is that what you think I do when you get back?" You asked him, your voice carried a hint of annoyance. Both of you kinda talking, not straight to the topic. You were worried, and he thought he was not good enough.

"(Y/N)...you patch me up. You come looking for me, I don't mean that you don't do your duty as nurse I..." Giyuu was lost for words. Well, what happened when he came back?

Yeah, it was you, you took your sweet time patching him up carefully. Listened to his dangerous adventure and after that? Showering him with praise and kisses, just to see how badly wounded he is and when it was not, that exhausting, you gifted him with passionate nights.

He grew accustomed to this routine, always wanting to be good for you. Not a lot of people liked him or took even interest in him. Not at all. He was just so afraid he would lose you, before he had the chance to acknowledge his feelings.

"We both know I do more than that...it's not what I meant." you said, and you were done patching him up at least as good as it could get now, because after this he stood up, ignored the pain in his ribs just to take his haori and put it on.

Giyuus face had a slight scowl in his brows, his black long ponytail just slightly disheveled from the journey back and the exhaustion. The bandage around his lower torso, his strong chest showing off even when the haori was already over his shoulders. He made his way to the door.

"I know that we...we are having a thing. That you do more than every other nurse in this estate would do. I just don't understand what is different now then before...." maybe he even mumbled that to himself. With a sigh he opened the door ready to go outside, he was not good dealing with arguments. Not that he couldn't say anything, but with you, it was different. He didn't want to say the wrong thing. He couldn't even bear the face you made. This was when it hit you, he was not going because he was angry too, he was going because he was afraid he fucked up and didn't even know why. Your steps then went fast over to him, and you grabbed the door with your hand before you stopped him from leaving. Gently closing it. "What do you think will happen when we fight, Tomioka?" you asked him, clearly a whole different topic than before. You looked a little strict but your features softer now.

Should he be honest? That he was simply afraid he did something truly wrong and lost you? Well, this was at least what he was thinking. Losing that pretty nurse, that made him feel...loved.

"We split, isn't it like that? Not that it would be a surprise." he spoke then, looking everywhere, but not in your face.

"Look at me, when you talk to me. I taught you manners." you meant, it was sounding a little sharp but with that edge...you were softer now. You saw what his problem had been, he didn't got the fact that you were concerned for him, afraid he could die. You liked him too...maybe even more than like. Then Giyuu looked up, poor boy, he was so distance and cold until he met you. He loved your warmth, the way you made him feel prickly in his chest. The way you smiled, the way you brushed strands of his raven hair out of his face. The way your waist felt in his hands, when he pulled you close. The way you smelled when he nuzzled his face in your neck.

"Giyuu..." you started and used his first name, your sweet voice filled with a little regret that you didn't see it that he was insecure, afraid to even.

"Just because I am mad don't mean we split... I am sorry when I made you feel unwanted. It was not-" before you could even finish, he stepped closer, his one hand reaching out cupping your cheek. It was even enough for him to hear that you don't split. You were his only person he wanted to have close now, where he allowed himself to be close.

"You didn't make me feel unwanted. It was just...the way you scolded me, making me...fear I did something that upset you so much you would change your mind about me." he said to you, his voice was now lower. "And I don't want to upset you. I just can't change the fact that fighting demons is my job, and apparently I am quite good at it." he added.

You laid your hand over his. It was a tender gesture. Nearly like all the tension flew away suddenly.

"I was just afraid... I don't want to lose you. You know? I see demon slayers die every day... I like you, you know. You don't complain about my yapping, the way you hold me close. I like all these things, and I was just concerned. Sorry that it overwhelm me and that I was being too hard to you." alone the fact that you apologized because you maybe reacted a little over in such a moment. The fact you spoke out you didn't want to lose him, that you liked him. Giyuu was anything than good at expressing his feelings. He pulled you just a little closer to give you such a loving kiss on your forehead. Before his forehead rested against yours. He took a deep breath.

"Actually (Y/N), I like you more than just...like. That is why I fear you wouldn't keep me around when I wasn't good enough." it was a little plain, not the passionate confessing others dreamed off. But it was his confession. The way he told you he loved you.

"You are a Hashira, you are one of the best, the best. My best." you answered him before you then reached out and placed a kiss on his lips. It was sweet at first, all the feeling you two had poured into this kiss. All at once. Then your hands slid up his bare chest. You felt his muscles tensing slightly, the way he shivered when your cold fingertips went over his skin. Before you laid your hands around the back of his neck.

"So we are going back to the usual routine when you patch me up?" he then asked, with flushed cheeks his one hand had grabbed gently your waist pulling you closer. He was still injured, and in pain, at least with certain movements. He just spoke in between the kiss, loving the way your lips felt against his.

"Depends on how much are you hurt?" you asked in between before gently guiding him back to the bed for patients. Where he sat down. Looking up at you with such ocean eyes. It was always so cute when he blushed because he was excited. "Not that much...you could be on top." He suggested with a tone kinda desperate for you. He would lie when he said he wouldn't love the fact that after you patched him up that you gave him such a delightful treatment. You guided him to lay down and straddled his lap, your cute nurse skirt rising up a little, and his hands went to the new exposed creamy skin he found. Rough hands caressing you. You then tilted your head just a little. Maybe one round he could take before he really should rest. "Oh, is that so? Not so much? Well while I will try to make you feel better, you can just continue to tell me how much you like me, that's a deal right?" Your voice was sweet when you said that, the whole argument forgotten, but of course not the fact that he admitted he liked you more than just a bit. And you would use this now to your advantage and gifting him with his beloved patching up routine...

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demonqueenart · 5 months ago

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im just gonna be so genuine and say i love you but i dont understand what racist remarks you're talking about and it's really frustrating for me to hear people talk about this like its so serious when i havent seen anything at all thats bad. im white so i think i may have genuinely missed things but could you please just give me some examples? i really am trying to understand where you guys are coming from its just getting hard because everyone is just getting mad at each other whenever they talk about it. i know people are mad bc of something dan said about not being able to come on tour to third world countries and possibly something he said in like 2011 when he was in his crazy fake tan phase? i just really am not seeing anything here that i think would get people so worked up and i would love to understand better

Hey anon, I understand where you coming from. And I really appreciate you trying to understand better.

To be really honest, why things have blown up now is because of the upcoming tour. It’s not really about why they couldn’t go to the other continents when they’re planning to do 32 shows in US, even though that’s also fishy af cause they could’ve easily dipped into Mexico, and the route they using feels like they’re avoiding latam specifically. The way that they handled this with poc fans is the problem, because while they’re being excited from the tour or whatever, they have not once tried to explain why they couldn’t go to poc fans (or the majority of us that is. Some of us might live somewhere else.)

The way they keep retweeting and being hyped about the tour, while basically intentionally avoiding talking to us is just.. it hurts. Most of us complain about this, and even more expressing how they just need dnp to give them an explanation. But never once did they do it. Instead, they even launch more trailer lol. And I know they saw it, there’s a lot of us and they like snooping on social media anyway. It makes us feel like we’re not part of the tour, that it wasn’t meant for us. And it was actually the first time I questioned if I was really a part of this community at all.

Turning back to phandom with that state of mind, it can feel like everyone is abandoning you. Because just like dnp, everyone is only talking about the tour, and not about how this exclusion needs to be addressed. It’s understandable why people would feel angry when they just keep being ignored like their voices didn’t matter. But I know now, just because people didn’t interact with me, doesn’t mean they didn’t want to be there for me. We just might come from a different place. (Btw, if you’re western and you have poc friends who’s affected by this, please reach out to them. The reason why I’m still here rn is because of all my friends, western friends included, saying they’ll be there for me throughout this racism thing. They might be angry and hurt, and even assume the worst of you. And I won’t ask more than you can do. But saying you understand (or at least empathize the situation they’re in) and that you will support them no matter what, will help them a lot.)

Dan clearly carry a micro aggression around latam, and the fact that this still occur in wad really says a lot about how they’ve not grown from that. When dan said brazil and mexico were 3rd world country on was, that makes us feel like he’s looking down on us. And the fact that they have avoided latam specifically without giving any reason why they couldn’t go, well, there’s only so many things you can assume is happening under the surface. This makes us feel like they’re looking down on us, and that they’ve never seen their poc fans as equals.

The reason why the old stuff was brought up is because this isn’t the first time this has happened. Dan has made a lot of racist remarks, and while it’s understandable to slip up from time to time, and even more understandable why he might be afraid to actually apologize and own things up, it doesn’t excuse the patterns that are being repeated here. When he doesn’t take accountability to his past mistakes and keep repeating the patterns of racism and exclusion, that indicates he’s going to keep oppressing us forever without ever acknowledging it. And THAT is not okay.

We don’t want to cancel them, never once do we want that. We only want dnp to hear us and actually talk to us about this. They are not beyond redemption, but it’s going to be hard for them to open up considering the past fifteen years of them not doing that. So the only thing we can do at this point is to be more opened up about their racist remarks. We’re bringing up past mistakes now, because there’re still a lot of people who have been affected by this, and them not bringing it up is not going to make all that hurt go away. So I suggest, we should bring it up, not to cancel them or demonize them! But to acknowledge it exists so that we can heal from it. We can learn to love dnp despite being flawed, and normalize how to take accountability to make this place safer for poc. These voices can’t be avoided because that’s also a form of exclusion in this community. I want everyone to feel welcomed here, so I’ll listen to their voices when they need it. That way, there will be a place for poc to belong in this space. We can learn to include each other in, or at least I hope so :3

*also, this will be very funny if this ask turns out to be dnp, but whatever lol xD Hope we can catch up someday whoever you are (✿˵ ꒡3꒡˵)৴♡*

#dan howell #phil lester #dan and phil #terrible influence tour #phan #phandom #my talk #ask #anon #convo

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heli-writes · 1 year ago

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Seven summers, part 5.

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x female!reader

Summary: Every summer, Draco and y/n meet. First, by pure coincidence, then intentionally. Unbeknown to Draco, y/n's a muggle who has no clue he's a wizard. With the rise of the dark lord, how long can this go well?

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

Series Masterlist

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Fifth summer, August.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Draco,

I hope you're well. I am writing you this letter because I think we should talk about what happened last month.

I'm sorry I deceived you. I never meant to lie to you. At some point, I just didn't know how to say it. I wanted to tell you this summer, I swear! Then we kissed and everything was so different than expected. I just didn't have the courage to...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Draco,

I know you're angry and you have every right to be. Please believe me when I say I didn't mean to betray you. Actually, until our third summer, I didn't know you were a wizard. I just thought it was a culture thing. Then, after you told me how you feel about muggles, I was afraid to tell you. I thought you'd hate me too. Please, don't hate me. I don't know what...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Draco,

Please, give me one chance to explain myself. You've left without hearing my side. Hear me out and I promise...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Draco,

I'm sorry.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Frustrated, y/n throws her pen onto her desk. There are dozens of crumpled papers around her. In the last two hours, she started the same letter to Draco over and over again but so far, she hasn't found the right words to say. Not that it really matters. Without Draco's owl which regularly visited her for the past two years, she doesn't have a way to contact him. Apparently, wizards don't have a phone. Y/N takes out the trashcan from beneath her desk and swipes all the papers into it in one big swoop. Afterward, she groans and falls onto her bed face down. There's nothing to do in her room but to brood on the whole Draco situation. Supposedly, it is not necessary to mention that she's stuck in her room for two more weeks. After the night her parents had to pick her up at a train station in the middle of the night, of course, her parents asked questions. Questions that y/n couldn't answer without getting entangled in more and more lies. It all blew up in her face when her parents called Olivia's parents. After that, y/n had no other option but to tell them about the boy she's been seeing for a while. A long talk about sex trafficking and teenage pregnancy later, y/n got grounded for three weeks. I suppose I can be lucky I didn't get grounded for the entire summer holidays, she thinks to herself as she turns around to look for her phone only to realize that that's been taken away from her too. Suddenly, she's glad for the communication via owl. At least this way, her parents will find no messages that would incriminate her further. Y/n burries her face in a pillow and lets out a muffled scream.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

One week later

Y/n,

Don't think I am writing this because I have any concern for your muggle self. I don't care if you got home safely or not. Considering I got no news about a dead muggle girl in Salisbury, I suppose you live.

Honestly, I am just writing you this to draw a line under whatever it was that we did the last two years. I suppose even someone like you understands that a wizard like me cannot be associated with a muggle. It's absolutely absurd that I didn't notice it.

Just to make it absolutely clear: Don't tell anybody about me or the wizarding community or I can assure you the ministry will take care of you. Also, we're done.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Puzzled, y/n blinks at the paper in front of her and then blinks at the owl that is sitting on her windowsill. Why on earth would he feel the need to write a letter like that, she questions herself. Obviously, she shouldn't tell anybody about wizards and after Draco's glorious exit at the inn, it should have been clear that they've broken up. Suddenly, she feels a hot pit of anger swelling in her stomach.

How dare he write a message like that, y/n thinks. Not a word from him for two weeks and then he sends me a threat and a break-up notice?, she fumes. She's not sure why he would risk getting caught writing to a muggle girl in the first place. Draw a line my ass, she thinks and rips up the letter into tiny little pieces. She watches the pieces float silently to her floor. Then, she pushes down her window with a loud bang, and glares at the owl for a few seconds, before turning away and continuing a half-finished jigsaw puzzle.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A few days later

Y/n,

Since the cover of the wizarding world hasn't been and there are no reports about a crazy woman talking about magic, I guess you didn't tell anybody about us. Good.

You know it really astonishes me how you managed to keep up the facade for so long. I never knew muggles could be this... adaptable. However, I think it was quite a malicious pretense of you. It makes me wonder if anything that you said or did was true. Not that it would matter to me.

Remember to keep quiet. I really can't have a muggle running around blabbering about wizard secrets.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Y/n feels like she could spit fire. She lets out an angered scream and crumples up the letter. What a dick, y/n screams internally. I get he's angry at me, I get he doesn't want to so me anymore but what on earth is he trying to achieve with these letters?, y/n asks herself. She tries to shoosh Draco's owl away from her window. The owl lifts itself into the air and settles on a branch of the apple tree in y/n's garden. Y/n stares at the owl and the owl stares back. She turns away and throws Draco's letter into the trash bin. The anger made her feel too hot. Pulling her pullover over her head, she stumbles towards her closet and puts on a t-shirt. Meanwhile, she calls Draco all kinds of nasty names in her head. She no longer feels sorry. When she turns around, the owl sits at her windowsill again. Y/n rolls up a magazine and pokes the owl in the hope that it will take flight. The owl looks at her absolutely unbothered. Y/n pushes a bit harder and forces the owl towards the edge of the windowsill. Eventually, the owl gives up and glides to the apple tree again. "Go awaaaaay!!!", y/n yells out of her window and pulls her widow shut with a loud bang.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Another letter arrived a few days after that. It has a similar tone as the last two with an equal amount of insults towards muggle. Y/n is absolutely fuming. Draco's owl doesn't even bother leaving y/n's windowsill and already made itself comfortable. Y/n glares intently at the owl through her closed window. Finally, she pulls out a sheet of paper and a pen.

Draco,

I get it. I'm a stupid muggle and I shouldn't tell anybody about magic. I get it. You can stop sending letters now. You said we're done so I don't understand why you keep contacting me.

Don't get me wrong - I understand you're angry. I deceived you and breaking up with me is probably the right thing to do. I'm sorry I lied to you but I feel like you don't see why I acted this way. It's not like I knew that you were a wizard when we first met and when I got to know you, you started insulting people like me. What was I supposed to do? Have you ever considered that this world you live in intimidates me? Have you ever considered that maybe I was scared of losing what we had? Because I genuinely cared? I guess not.

Anyways, what's done is done. No need to dwell on it. Maybe it would do you good if you let go. It's time to get back to normal, don't you think?

Y/n.

Contently, y/n reads through her letter again. After folding it in two, she opens the window and holds it out towards the owl. The owl takes the letter without hesitation and takes off. Y/n watches the bird disappear into the grey clouds that hang low in the sky. Eventually, she closes the window and feels calmer than she has since the night at Stonehenge.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Y/n doesn't see any owl around her window for a little over the week. She's not grounded anymore for a couple of days. She spent the days in freedom by accompanying her mother to the dentist, to the supermarket, and to her auntie Paula. In short: her parents are still keeping her on a short leash. However, today she's allowed to meet a friend. Even if it's just to apologize. She's meeting Olivia in town. Olivia and her already texted after y/n got her phone back. So Olivia knows the gist and luckily she's not angry. Actually, being the teenage girl she is, Olivia is very excited to hear all about the mysterious guy y/n got herself in trouble for. It's the least thing y/n wants to talk about but it's only fair she owes Olivia some kind of explanation.

Y/n is getting ready in her room. Her mother already called her down several minutes ago. Obviously, she isn't allowed to take the bus by herself. Rummaging through her make-up bag y/n is trying to find a lip balm for her purse when she suddenly hears a soft clank on the window. By now, y/n knows the sound all too well. The sound of a beak on glass. She shoots around and is face to face with Draco's owl. For a moment, y/n contemplates not opening the window and leaving the owl where it is. At some point, it must get hungry and fly off again, right? However, curiosity killed the cat and y/n is pretty sure Draco will be the death of her. So she quickly opens the window, rips the letter out of the owl's beak and stuffs the letter into her bag. Her mother is already calling for her again and without looking back, y/n takes off.

"We pick you up exactly at 4 pm and the café, understand y/n?", her mother lectures her. "I expect you both to be there. I want to apologize to Olivia's parents in person.", she tells y/n. Y/n groans and pulls her hood over her face. "Didn't you already apologize on the phone? Can't we finally leave this behind? Obviously, I learned my lesson.", y/n begs. Her mother gives her a sharp look in the rear-view mirror of their car. "That's not of you to decide. You will have to earn our trust back.", her mother points out. Y/n knows her mother is right, but it still feels unfair. It was a horrible experience inside and out and y/n wants nothing more than to just forget about it. Her mother turns her attention back to the road. Y/n crosses her arms in front of her chest. Suddenly, she remembers the letter again. It's still sitting in her bag unopened. Carefully, she takes it out. She holds it low, close to her lap, so her mother wouldn't see.

Y/n,

Meet me today at Trafalgar Square. 3 pm sharp.

Y/n stares at the message in disbelief. Is he joking? Is this some kind of setup? So that they can grab her and make her disappear or whatever wizards do to normal people who accidentally get to know about magic? Yeah, no, I'm absolutely not going., y/n thinks. Somehow she wishes Draco had a phone so that she could react to this message with a couple of middle finger emojis. She crumples up the paper and stuffs it back into her back.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Olivia's already waiting when her mother drops her off. She even gets out of the car to exchange some words with Olivia and to make sure her parents are really picking her up. Y/n can feel her cheeks heat up with embarrassment. However, Olivia takes it cool. She answers y/n's mother's question politely and acts as if absolutely nothing out of the ordinary happened since the last time she's seen her.

This attitude drops really fast once y/n's mom is back in the car and out of sight. Olivia turns around, makes a squeaking sound, and says: "You need to tell me everything!". Apparently, y/n must've had a really dumb look on her face. "C'mon, y/n! My parents told me all about your lie.", Olivia grins. Once they've settled in a quiet niche at the café, Olivia looks at y/n expectantly. Y/n sighs. After all, she knew she had to talk about this. "Look, Olivia, I'm really sorry about all of this. I shouldn't have you involved in my lie. I-i was stupid and I really learned my-", y/n starts but Olivia immediately interrupts her. "Yes, yes! Save that speech for my parents. I get it, you lied. More importantly, you met a boy.", Olivia says and wiggles her eyebrows. "More like a massive jerk.", y/n deadpans. Olivia nods agreeingly. "And yet you lied so that you can spend a weekend with him all alone.", Olivia grins and gives her the look. Y/n sighs. "It's not like you think.", y/n tries to argue. "Riiiight... that's why you hid him from your parents.", Olivia says and crosses her arms. Y/n sighs and stirs her drink. "Well, fine, we've been together since Christmas and wanted to spend some time together in the summer.", she says defeatedly. "First of all, it's not. Second of all, since Christmas? Why am I only hearing now about it?", Olivia asks. Y/n shrugs. "It's not like I've been seeing him a lot since then. He goes to a boarding school and is only around in the summer and for Christmas.", she points out. Olivia thinks about this for a moment. "So, you've been just texting?", Olivia says unconvinced. "If that's your way of asking if we were screwing the answer is no. We've only been... uh, texting.", y/n says. Olivia crunches her eyebrows. "This is less juicy than expected. But did you kiss? And what about the weekend away? That sounds like a perfect opportunity to lose your v-card.", Olivia keeps asking. Y/n blushes. "V-card? Really? That's so lame, Olivia.". Olivia shrugs. "I'm not saying I'm supporting the patriarchal idea of virginity but the first time is special and exciting for everyone, isn't it?", she argues. Y/n shrugs. "I wouldn't know. Again, nothing happened. We only kissed.", she underlines her point. Suddenly, there's a glint in Olivia's eyes. "Ooohhh... you kissed? Was it good?", she asks teasingly. Y/n snips a small ball of paper at Olivia. "I mean, yes, but it doesn't matter. We broke up.", she says solemnly. "Clearly, otherwise your parents wouldn't had to pick you up at the station in the middle of the night.", Olivia points out, "What happened? You two had a fight?". Y/n shrugs. She feels her eyes burning. She thought she was over it. Really, she thought that Draco's stupid letters made her angry enough to forget how deeply the whole thing hurt her. "Yes. He expected me to be something I'm not. Took of when he noticed and left me behind.", y/n says. Olivia looks at her for a moment. "Let me guess. He wanted to screw you and when you didn't want to he dropped you? Man, guys suck.", Olivia takes a guess. Y/n shakes her head. "No, that wasn't it. He was actually super respectful. It was more like... a rich asshole finding out your common trash.", y/n lies. "Oof... he comes from old money? That kind of guy?", Olivia asks. Y/n nods. "Yup, that kind of guy.", she says. "Well good thing you didn't screw him. Those are the worst baby daddies.", Olivia nods as if she had any more experience with these things than y/n had. "Olivia, can you take this serious?", y/n says frustrated.

Olivia holds up her hands in defense. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You're right. ... So you didn't hear anything from him ever since?", she asks. Y/n puffs and puts her hair up in a messy loop. All this talk got her warm. "Oh, I heard from him, believe me.", she says angrily. "That doesn't sound good. What did he say?", Olivia asks. "Oh, he told me what a terrible person I am alongside some threats not to tell anybody.", she tells her. Olivia slurps a bit of her drink watching her intensely. "Ah, afraid about his reputation? So, he's an arrogant prick.", Olivia points out. Y/n nods. "Yeah, and look at what he sent me today.", y/n says and pulls out Draco's note. Olivia raises a brow and takes the piece of paper. "Old fashioned, I see.", Olivia mumbles and quickly reads through the note. "I really don't get it. He tells me he doesn't want to see me anymore and then he keeps sending me messages and now he wants to meet? Why on earth would I want to see him after everything? After he said these terrible things to me?", y/n rambles. Olivia gives her a side-eye and slides the paper back to her. "Well, isn't it obvious?", Olivia says matter-of-factly. "No.", y/n states bluntly. Olivia shrugs. "He's hooked. He doesn't want to mingle with a poor commoner, he's afraid about his reputation but he also can't let go.", Olivia explains. Y/n laughs into her face. "Sure, that's why he keeps lashing out at me.", she argues. Olivia shrugs. "Maybe he's not a good communicator and that's the only way he knows how to keep in touch with you. Or he's too proud to admit he likes you even though you don't have the same social status as him.", Olivia thinks out loud. Actually, she might be right, a voice in y/n's head says. Y/n shakes her head. "So?", Olivia asks. "So what?", y/n asks back. "Are you going to meet him?" Y/n looks at Olivia as if she's grown three heads. "Are you insane? Absolutely not!", she exclaims. Olivia shrugs. "You liked him enough to pull off this big-ass lie to get a weekend with him. And now you don't want to give him another chance?", Olivia questions her. Y/n kneads her hands. "I- it's... Look, he left me at a creepy in, in the middle of the night, in a town I don't know. Then he keeps pointing out what a low-life I am compared to him via text. Why would I want to see him again?", she exclaims. Olivia looks at her softly. "Because you have feelings for him? Clearly enough for his words to still hurt you. You guys could either reconcile or you can give him a piece of your mind.", Olivia argues. Y/n turns her head away like a frustrated toddler. "My mother would ground me forever.", she says. Olivia sighs. "Stop finding excuses to not face him. I'll stay here in case your mom shows up early. It's still early, you can catch the next bus.", Olivia says determinedly. Y/n looks at her blankly trying to come up with another reason to not go, but she draws a blank. "Don't look at me so stupidly, go!", Olivia ushers her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Y/n wraps her jacket around her. Even though it's summer and it's warm, she still feels cold. And nervous. And very uncomfortable. Olivia dragged her to the bus stop, shoved her into the bus, and before y/n could fathom what was happening, she was already standing on Trafalgar Square. She tries not to look around and search for him. She doesn't want to look desperate or give him the satisfaction of knowing she missed him, which she, of course, did not.

"Y/n", a familiar voice said behind her. Y/n turns around to Draco standing behind her. Suddenly all oxygen is knocked out of her lungs. She's not sure whether it's because she doesn't know what to say to him or because he is as good-looking as she remembers him. She wished her initial reaction to him would be repulsion, which would be an appropriate reaction she thinks. However, her heart takes a leap and she feels warm in places she shouldn't feel warm at all. Draco doesn't take his hands out of his pockets and y/n doesn't move her arms away from her chest. "You wanted to meet?", is all she can croak out. He nods without looking into her eyes. When he doesn't say anything. "Well, what do you have to say? Make it quick, I'm already in trouble.", she asks. Suddenly, but slowly, y/n can feel her anger returning in her chest. Draco's eyes snap to hers. "Don't you have anything to say?", he asks back. Y/n shrugs. "If you're looking for an apology, I've already given you one in writing.", she bites back. Draco frowns. "Really, that's all you've got to say to me?", he says bitterly. Y/n stares back at him irritated. "Well, what do you want me to say?", she asks.

Suddenly, Draco looks really helpless. "Well... I... you... I thought...", he tries looking for words. Y/n waits patiently. Let him struggle, she thinks. Draco stomps his foot on the ground angrily. "You lied to me!", he blurts out. Y/n huffs. "Firstly, I gave you an apology for that. Secondly, I never claimed to be a witch. You assumed it, which I didn't get at first, and then I just went with it.", she exclaims. Draco looks at her angrily. "Well, why would you go with it? I don't get it.", Draco argues. "Because I was thirteen years old, you just abducted me in a magical alleyway and then you go off about how awful people like me were. I was scared!", y/n blurts out a bit too loudly and Draco shushes her. "You telling me you were scared of me?", Draco hisses back quietly. Y/n lifts her hands above her hands frustratedly. "Yes! Of course! You grew up with magic, it's natural and everyday life for you! It's not for me. It scared me shitless because I suddenly didn't know what's real and possible anymore. Also, you literally told me your kind could wipe us out!", y/n whisper yells back at him. This stuns Draco for a moment. "I didn't say that.", he tells her. "Don't gaslight me, Draco. Yes, you gave me shit about muggleborns and muggles and then you told me wizards could literally wipe muggles off the face of earth.", y/n argues. Draco is quiet for a moment then points out: "If you are so scared of me, why did you continue to see me?". Y/n shrugs. "You're an arrogant prick, Draco, but you're also my first friend since I moved overseas.", she tells him. Draco is too stunned to speak. Y/n pushes her hands through her hair. "Look, I should've told you. Yes, at first I was scared and then... I don't know. You were my friend, Draco, I didn't want to lose that.", she sighs. Draco turns his head away. "That's what I am to you? A friend?", he mumbles. Y/n stares at him in disbelief. He's hooked, that's what Olivia said. Maybe she's right, y/n thinks. "For a while.", she tells him, "Obviously not since Christmas. Which didn't exactly make it easier to tell you.". Draco turns back to without meeting her eyes. "It would've been better to tell me than let me find out his way.", he says. Y/n looks at him softly. "Of course. It's definitely not how I wanted it to come out. But in all honesty... would the outcome be any different if I had told you? You always let me know how little you think of muggles. You still would've broken up with me.", she points out to him. Draco stays quiet and shrugs. "I don't know. Probably. It's not like we could be together like this.", he says. Y/n nods. "Yeah, guess it's against the law for people like us to be together. Your wizard police probably would have to erase my memories or something.", she says. Draco shrugs again. "It's... it's not against the law, actually. There are plenty of mixed couples.", he relents, "But my parents would never accept you". Y/n gives him a confused look. "Your parents?", she asks him. "No offense, Draco, but I don't give a fuck about your parents. I was concerned about you accepting it. You didn't strike me with the open-minded, tolerant mindset, you know.", she tells him. Draco looks away again. He seemed to be ashamed. "Look, I know I said some horrible things, but...", he starts. "But what?", y/n interrupts him, "You made it pretty clear what you think about people like me. Don't try to tell me you've changed suddenly. Because I don't buy it." Draco looks down in defeat. Y/n feels like it's the first time he's been called out on his racist attitude. She pulls her jacket closer around her body. Good, she thinks. "You're right.", he tells her, "And I'm sorry for the things I said. Actually, I've been thinking a lot about it". "About what?", she asks. "Muggles... and you, I guess.", he says. "Elaborate.", y/n simply demands. Draco shrugs and huffs. "Well, you see... I never had any contact with muggles. All I knew about your world, is what my parents told me.", he tries to explain.

Y/n starts shaking her head. "Nu-uh. Don't blame this on your parents. That's an excuse when you're six years old. At some point, you're old enough to question the things your parents say. You're old enough to understand the world and how human beings treat each other", y/n calls him out. Draco nods in defeat. "Yes, and I never did. I never questioned it. But I've been questioning it since I found out you're a muggle.", he tells her. Y/n rolls her eyes. "Oh, so it's been an eye-opening event, yes? Sorry, but years of internalized racism don't go away because you have one friend who is different.", she says bitterly. Draco nods again. "Probably not.", he admits, "but it did change my mind a little bit. I always had this idea how muggles are. You know, dumb, different." "Thank you.", y/n says dryly. Draco takes his hands out of his pocket and waves them in front of him in defense. "No, that's not... ugh. I mean, I realized that you're not that different from us. I mean I didn't notice you weren't a witch for years. I guess I'm the dumb one.", he explains. Y/n shrugs. "Sounds about right.", she tells him. "Doesn't mean you were right to not tell me.", he points out. Y/n shrugs again. "It wasn't. I was a coward and selfish.", she answers. "Sounds about right.", Draco repeats her sarcastically.

They stare at each other for a while in silence. "So, what now?", y/n asks. Draco shrugs. "Good talk, have a good live?", y/n suggests. Draco looks at her wide-eyed. "You want that?", he asks her. Y/n shrugs. "Do we have a different choice? Your parents will kill you when they find out about your muggle girlfriend. And my parents sure as hell will kill me if they find out I'm meeting the guy who stayed with me in an inn all alone for two days.", she declares. "You got in trouble with your parents?", Draco asks carefully. Y/n nods. "Yeah, what did you think? You left me at a magical inn in the middle of the night. Did you think I stayed and went home the next day like nothing happened? I went home in the middle of the night and my lie blew up in my face.", she tells him. Draco looks down ashamed. "I shouldn't have left you there.", he says. Y/n shrugs. "Whatever. Anyways, since our parents will not approve of this, probably better to call it off, eh?", she answers. Draco looks at her. Does he actually look sad?, y/n asks herself. "I mean... what if they don't know?", he asks quietly. Y/n laughs dryly at that. "Yeah, that worked out great the first time.", she says. Draco looks like she hit him in the face. "Because I was ignorant and you kept your secret. But we can do it differently this time.", he pleads with her and y/n thinks that it's a little bit pathetic. Also, she's really glad he is because right now her pride is in her own way. "You call me out when I'm a prick and you don't keep secrets.", he proposes. Y/n shrugs. "How about we both don't keep secrets?", she says carefully. Draco seems to cheer up immediately. "Deal.", he prompts. Y/n gives him a small smile.

Suddenly it's awkward between them. "Sooooo...?", y/n says and makes an awkward hand gesture. "So, we stay together?", Draco ends her sentence. "Yes?", y/n answers. "That doesn't sound convincing.", Draco deadpans. Y/n takes a deep breath. "Yes.", she tells him. Draco gives her a soft smile. "Now what?", y/n asks awkwardly. Draco shrugs. "We hug?", he proposes. Y/N smiley back. "Okay.", she replies. Awkwardly, they step forward and put their arms around each other. For a moment, y/n feels really uncomfortable. Then, Draco's smell hits her and he pulls her closer so that her face rests against his shoulder. Y/n's body instantly relaxes and she hugs him back closer. After a while, they loosen the hug a bit and are face-to-face with each other. "Do we...?", Draco asks carefully and y/n gives him a soft smile. "Yes.", she whispers and pulls his face towards hers. Their lips meet in a soft kiss and Draco leans in. Y/n would've enjoyed the kiss if her phone hadn't started vibrating in her pocket. Draco jumps back immediately. "What's that?", he stutters. "Just my phone.", she tells him and pulls it out of her pocket. It's Olivia.

"Hate to interrupt the moment, but it's half past three. We need to take the next bus back to the café.", Olivia's voice echoes on the other side of the phone. Y/n swirls around and looks around frantically. "On your right.", Olivia tells her and y/n catches her leaning on a streetlamp on the other side of the road. "How did you-?" "Get here?", Olivia finishes her sentence. "Didn't trust that guy and wanted to look after you. Seems like you didn' need me, bravo!", she tells y/n. "But seriously, we need to go." Y/n nods. "Alright, I'm coming.", she replies and hangs up. "I need to go.", she tells Draco. Draco's eyes are fixated on Olivia who gives him a short wave. "Does she know?", he asks her sharply. "About you and me? Yes. About you being a wizard? No. I keep my promises.", y/n tells him. Draco relaxes a bit and turns his gaze back to her. "You have to go?", he asks. "Yes, my mother picks me up soon. I'm already on thin ice with her. I'd rather not know what she'll do if she finds out about this.", she replies. Draco nods in agreement. "When will we see each other again?", he asks her hopefully. Y/n thinks about it for a moment. "Last week of the summer holidays? I might need some more time to convince my parents I won't do anything stupid.", y/n proposes. "Alright. Be careful. I'll send you an owl.", Draco says. Y/n nods and gives him a smile. They quickly hug each other and when y/n pulls away, Draco grabs her face and gives her a long, passionate kiss that leaves y/n breathless. She almost stumbles when he lets go of her. "See you soon, y/n.", Draco says softly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In the next few weeks, y/n and Draco frequently exchanged letters. What happened in Salisbury is not spoken of anymore. However, Draco's tone and choice of words slightly changed. No snarky remarks about the muggle world anymore. Instead, he includes lengthy explanations about anything magical. Y/n thinks he is trying a little bit too hard, but is grateful nonetheless. Finally, she gets some context for some things he says. Meanwhile, y/n is a bit more open about her own life. About the movies she watches or the things she does with her friends. In a way, things are better now. Y/n doesn't carry around the weight of constant hiding and doesn't have to be careful about her words. Moreover, in Olivia, y/n finally found a friend who she can giggle about boys with and who can keep a secret.

Y/n and Draco met a few times at the end of August. Y/n showed her some muggle activities and Draco took her to Diagon Alley again and made her try all kinds of magical things. Of course, it's a risk to take y/n to magical places but Draco decided that y/n managed to blindside him for 5 years, others probably won't notice for like 5 Minutes. It's been a bliss, really. Finally, this feels like a real relationship to y/n. They're just some teenagers holding hands and making out and sneaking around their parents. Y/n wished these moments last forever but sooner or later September arrives and Draco has to go back to Hogwarts.

Y/n is standing at King's Cross. Draco and her are hiding behind a pillar at platform 8. He already crossed over to platform 9 3/4 20 minutes ago after saying goodbye to his parents. He came back to say goodbye to y/n a couple of minutes later. "It's only until Christmas.", Draco says as y/n clings to his chest. She buries her face into him. "I know, but somehow this feels worse than last year.", she mumbles. Draco rubs her back and grins. "Geez, I wonder why.", he says. Y/n pinches his arm. Draco lets go of her and rubs her arms. "I'll write you every week, I promise.", he tells her. "You should really get a phone. We could talk every day.", y/n argues. She's been trying to convince him for the past weeks. Communication would be so much easier. Also, her mum gets suspicious about the amount of bird shit that's on her windowsill. Fair enough, she doesn't seem to get that a literal owl is visiting her daughter. Instead, she gives y/n shit about feeding pigeons.

"Seriously, it won't be that bad. School starts soon and then we both have so much school work up our asses, we won't even notice until Christmas comes around.", Draco tries to soothe her. Y/n sighs. "I guess. I'll still miss you.", she tells him defeated. Draco smiles at her softly. "Yeah, I'll miss you too.", he replies. He leans down and gives her a kiss on the lips. Y/n's eyes flicker to the big clock behind Draco. "You have to go.", she points out and Draco nods. Y/n's lips form a thin line. She really hates this. Draco softly strokes over her cheek. "Yeah. See you soon, love. Don't miss me too much.", he says as he turns around to catch his train. Suddenly, y/n's face lits up. "Hey, Draco!", she yells after him. He turns around. "We've survived summer! In contrast to Blaise and that girl!", she yells. Draco laughs and shakes his head. "Well, at least I have something to brag about.", he laughs as he makes his way to platform 9 3/4.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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alexxncl · 7 months ago

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‼️NIGHTBRINGER HDD CH. 3 SPOILERS‼️

masterlist | events | ch. 2 | ch. 4.1 | ch. 4.2

mc stop being the most important person ever: challenge impossible

damn is this how the boys acted before they got to the devildom the first time ??? i see why they love mc so much, especially lucifer. family is the most important thing to him, it's why he acts the way he does and it's why the celestial war happened in the first place. being clouded with this much tension as a family had to have been extremely emotionally strenuous for him, aside from the frustration that comes from rowdy younger siblings

and it was obviously just as bad for his little brothers. they couldnt understand why lucifer was pulling away from them so much. and caused trouble to get any kind of attention from him, to keep him from holing himself up in his room and drowning himself in paperwork

it probably especially hurt mammon to see lucifer like this. his big brother who wants afraid of anything suddenly afraid of addressing his own feelings and fears of his family falling apart

i would like to let it be known that i was not AT ALL being serious when i picked the "can't we talk it out" option...why are we talking to a clump of glass petals ??

why am i even questioning anything that happens in this game anymore ????

BYE THIS IS SO UNSERIOUS i love it here. not obey me pulling a spiderman no way home and acting like i wouldn't catch on

and mc asking "can't we just gang up on the bitch" has to be the FUNNIEST thing ever i love them 🫶🏽 just like me fr

mammon would literally never say that. not those words at least. he respects and looks up to lucifer way too much to that. and satan wouldn't say that. the old satan would say what mammon said if we're being honest...and the new him would find a more respectful and less snippy way to say it while still getting his point across

every almost negative vision is really just lucifer's nightmare. not having the love or care or mutual respect that families are built upon is like nit having a family at all. we already know how luci feels about family. like i get that it's supposed to be funny but when you think about it in context with the game's events, this is actually really sad ???

this is also SEVERELY ooc. like i'm not crazy right ??? mammon does not use his powers like that for something as petty as a lackluster insult, and satan would come up with a much better insult than that

all jokes aside, i couldn't ever see the boys acting like this. ever. under any circumstance. even early on in the 1st game, it wasn't this bad. they butted heads and were emotionally constipated, but they still acted like brothers

i feel like the flower is showing them the worst versions of themselves, not just the way things would be without mc. bc things were relatively ok without them before. they werent the best, but they survived and didn't kill each other for millenia before mc came into the picture

fighting back the urge to go on yet another big brother mammon tangent...fighting hard

...no way they used the power of friendship to fix the situation AGAIN

now i didn't trust or particularly care for raphael in the og game, but that's mainly bc of the way he was talked about by the characters well before his appearance and the fact that he seemed standoffish. i like this raphael, and i want more

but depending on where we are in the timeline and which timeline we're in, this could be michael

oh they big mad

satan being angry is a no brainer

but beel? he's the textbook definition of a gentle giant. a himbo if you will. he goes out of his way to be gentle with everyone and everything that comes his way because he knows his strength and how easy it is for him to overuse it on accident

baby don't play when it comes to his family. just like his big brothers

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findingmypeace · 2 months ago

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Sorry this is so long!

*Two weeks ago she was once again pestering me about the AC. This was maybe the 7 or 8th time. I’m pretty sure she’s afraid the AC is another thing she fears will give her cancer even though she wouldn’t admit to that.

I kept trying to reason with her but she kept raising her voice and refusing to let me speak. I lost my temper. To be clear, I did not hurt her or even insult her. I did yell about how frustrated and angry I was but I internalized the rest and hurt myself instead.

*After this, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I texted her that I was moving out and I had already scheduled tours for other apartments. I also reminded her of the cost of monthly rent for this place without a roommate. After that SHE decided she would move out.

*She then told my landlord I was moving out. Asked me if she could take pictures of my bedroom because to her friend wanted to move in. I said absolutely not! That whole text thread she was condescending and passive aggressive.

*With her moving out I decided to stay! But that means I’m back in the same boat of a few months ago. Paying the rent on my own when I’m already struggling financially while looking for a (good) roommate.

*I might get a very part time job to supplement my income just to get me over the hump of paying rent (all of it) while also paying my bills. That way I wouldn’t need a roommate and I’d hopefully have a little leftover after paying my bills. I am looking for very part-time jobs (10-15hrs) at the same time I’m looking for a roommate. Whichever happens first is what I’ll go with. Either option is a possibility right now.

*My roommate decided to couch hop at a friend’s and spent last week moving all her belongings. I stayed in my room as much as possible to avoid any chances of conflict.

*She might have gotten evicted anyway. She is a massage therapist with only a couple of clients. She has practically no income. My landlord probably shouldn’t have told me this but my roommate was so behind on rent that it would have been difficult to get caught up.

*I have empathy for the money struggles as I have been in that position. However, I was honest with everyone that I owed money to and got caught up as quick as I could. It doesn’t seem like she’s doing that or that she even cares. My landlord said she doesn’t think my roommate will ever pay the rest of her rent. That’s in addition to the $500 she paid me that I now have to pay my landlord since it was actually for her rent but she didn’t make that clear to me.

*She also owes me her half of the electricity and internet bills for August and September. I’m not even asking her for the part of July she was here. But she does owe me $281. I asked her if I could have it before she moved out. At first she gave me the run around and I got upset. Later she said she would pay it but was passive-aggression by saying that I was too dramatic and make a big deal about everything.🙄 I sent her screenshots of the bill and said I need the money by Friday Sept. 27. When I never got it and then mentioned it to her she sent me this, “U know unemployed..and dnt start wrk untl oct 7th..so my frst pychck” I gave her handwritten bills + screenshots. I was also very generous and gave her until the end of October to pay but just like my landlord, I don’t have much faith she will pay.

*Final note: I know I behaved poorly and I am ashamed and regret my behavior. Nothing she did excuses my behavior. That said, after some thought I think she really took advantage of the situation. She moved into a fully furnished apartment (aside from her bedroom/bathroom) she used my things, she would be upset with me if I didn’t live my life like hers, she refused to do any cleaning because she couldn’t touch it so I did it all and finally she spent 90% of her time watching TV in her bedroom. To sum it up, she basically wanted a maid, free rent in a furnished apartment, and to dictate how people live their own life. do all while sitting on her bed watching TV. And now I’m out $781 ($500 + $281).

*However she’s gone and I never have to see her again. I feel so much more free. I’m not walking on eggshells! Right now I’m in my living room! Freedom!

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bookoftheironfist · 3 months ago

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Danny: "Give it up, Colleen. Before you get yourself hurt." Colleen: "Over your dead body, chum!" Danny: "Colleen, you wanted this duel and now you've had it. I hope you're satisfied. Now you're going to surrender or I'm going to break your arm. D'you hear me, girl? I really will break it!" Colleen: "You and how many other-- Oww!! Alright, already, I surrender! Hey, Danny, what's with the grumps? We had a pretty good workout and you won the duel to boot..." Marvel Premiere #24 by Chris Claremont, Pat Broderick, Phil Rache, Vinnie Colletta, and Karen Mantlo

I've talked a bit about this scene before in regards to the Danny side of things-- K'un-Lun's societal sexism and Danny's relationships with women who fight, and the way that each bit of culture shock in this early period fed into his frustration and homesickness for K'un-Lun-- but this time I want to focus on Colleen, and how compellingly this scene establishes her character and reflects her pivotal role in the Iron Fist world at this time.

This scene opens the issue, flinging us into a different type of action than we've grown used to in these stories-- not a desperate battle against an enemy, but a casual sparring match between two friends. Or at least, that's how Colleen sees it; as the fight goes on, we come to realize how the perspectives of the two combatants profoundly differ. Danny is uncomfortable and upset; he doesn't want to fight her, he's been raised with the philosophy that attacking a woman, under any circumstances, is forbidden. But Colleen doesn't care. In fact, as his protestations become more adamant, she begins to mess with him. To tease him. To see if she can push him past that mental block so that they can just, you know, have some fun.

Colleen Wing in this early period existed as a bit of an anchor within the world of Iron Fist. With both Danny and her father, Professor Wing, ensconced in far-flung things-- mystic realms, magical powers, epic revenge quests, ninja death cults-- Colleen is grounded. Down-to-Earth. While we don't actually see the Nightwing Restorations duo in action for quite a while, its existence is established early-on, cementing Colleen's career as an experienced professional butt-kicker. She is very likely older than Danny (at least, Misty certainly is). And when this strange, angry, damaged boy arrives from another dimension, wielding unearthly kung fu skills and the powers of a dragon, she takes him under her wing (pun maybe intended) and does something that probably not many people would do in that situation: She hangs out with him. She treats him like a regular person. She likes him and thinks his skills are neat, but she isn't in awe of him the way her father is. This is the same Colleen who refused to cater to Misty's self-pity after losing her arm, who treated her beloved friend as a tough and resilient surviver until Misty finally began to see herself that way too. With Danny, she goes, "So, you're this amazing fighter, huh? Cool, let's fight."

And that's exactly what we see here. Colleen is not afraid of Danny's legendary abilities. She's not intimidated by him at all (she calls him "chum", and earlier in the scene tells him to "quit futzing around"...<3). If he's gonna go easy on her because of some twisted-up moral quandary, fine, then she'll go right ahead and kick his ass. All she is asking for here is his friendship and respect. She has no time for his sexist hand-wringing. She wants him to fight her like an equal. To fight her like a friend. And Colleen Wing is stubborn enough and confident enough to risk a broken arm-or-two to make that happen.

P.S. The facial expressions here by penciller Pat Broderick are wonderful. The realism and attention to detail in this fight (a staple of these early Iron Fist issues) make it all the more fun and impactful.

P.P.S. "I am a woman. Not a girl." Chris Claremont, I am giving you the biggest of high fives.

#One more post for the big day! God I love this scene. There are endless things to unpack here.#Marvel Premiere #Colleen Wing #Iron Fist #Danny Rand #Commentary #Colleen Wing 50th #ID in alt text

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theycallmequeenie · 2 years ago

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Angel Reyes x Y/N

MasterList

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part Four:

A/N: Again, I just want to say that I am not Latinx and am completely winging this and in no way trying to disrespect anyone or anything in the Latinx culture. If I do get something wrong, please tell me and I will fix it right away. Now onto the next part of the story…

Things you should know about this part: Y/E/C = Your eye color. Also, we are pretending that bishop didn’t have a kid that he lost previously. Strong langue is used just a heads up on that.

That night Angel met his brothers in Templo and briefed them all on Y/N’s condition and what she and his pop’s had told them about what had happened and Coco and Gilly both agreed that they would start the recon work to try and find the guy that almost killed Y/N.

Bishop was at the head of the table and was clearly still angry that they had almost lost someone he had viewed as a daughter. This whole situation made him feel a level of fear he hadn’t in a long time. A fear he had thought he had buried. His life he had to bury all any and all emotions besides anger to survive in that world. This dredged all those emotions to the surface, and he was having a hard time concealing them and everyone was starting to notice. Bishop decided to end the gathering at this point and slammed the gavel adjourning them, asking Angel to stay behind for a talk.

Agreeing angel move closer to his Presidente speaking first, “Bish, I know this situation is bad, but she told me to come back here ant update you guys. She knew everyone would be worried about her and that I should be here because all she was going to be doing was sleeping. I did stay until she drifted off again…”

Angel had finally paused to take a breath when Bishop finally spoke up, “She told you to be here right? So, you are finally going to listen to her then?! We almost lost that girl! You understand that right?! That perfect, amazing, wonderful, Y/E/C eyed girl almost died thinking you stopped loving her and that she wasn’t welcome in this clubhouse. Or around her found family because of your bullshit! That changes now, understand?!”

Bishop was yelling at this point and Angel couldn’t blame him. He knew how awful he had been because of his jealousy, and he knew everyone knew that was what drove Y/N away. “Bish I never meant to push her away like that, I was afraid one of the guys or even you would take her from me. She was getting so close with everyone…” Angel was beating himself up over it now. He knew how ridiculous he was being then and how ridiculous he sounded now.

Bishop took this as his opportunity to really lay into Angel because he was so blinded by jealousy his couldn’t see the way things really were between everyone and Y/N, “You stupid son of a bitch! You’re seriously going to try that shit with me? You know how she looks at the rest of us? Like brothers! And they all love her like a little sister. And hell, she’s like a daughter to me.’’

Bishop slammed his fist on the table instead of into Angel’s face like he desperately wanted to, he was frustrated at the entire mess they were in. He sighed and tried to calm himself. Standing, he looked to Angel, “Now I’m going to go and sit with our girl so that she isn’t in that hospital room by herself. You go have your fun with the guys.”

With that he stomped out past Angel and out to his bike, starting it up and speeding off to Y/N’s bedside. Angel walked out of Templo and looked at the guys, who were all looking at him with an expression of ‘you screwed up big and every word Bishop said was right.’ No one needed to actually say it; however, it hung in the air like cigarette smoke.

Bishop arrived at the hospital and after some bribery, he made his way into Y/N’s room sitting down in the chair that Angel had previously occupied. He sat next to her and held her hand gently. He watched her happy that she was on the upswing and that, after quite a bit of healing and down time, she would be okay. He stayed all night, awake, and watching her ready to jump and run for a nurse at any sign of movement or distress. He couldn’t help the smile and tears that pricked his dark eyes when she opened hers and offered him a weak smile and greeted him with a soft ‘Hey you”.

He was grinning ear to ear and wiping the corners of his eyes as he spoke to her, “Hey Sweetheart. You scared the hell out of us.” He spoke quietly and brushed the hair out of her eyes. He was so stern and stoic all the time around everyone but her. With Y/n he could be real instead of the hardened soul he had become from years of the club and club business.

She smiled sadly back and apologized to him, “I’m sorry Bishop. But thank goodness for Coco. The nurses say if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t still be on this side of the dirt. Sure, am glad he’s got the training he has.”

Bishop nodded in agreement to Y/n’s words. He knew all too well if they hadn’t had Coco there, she’d be gone. A thought he did his best to shake out of his head. He gave a dry laugh, “Yeah, that’s a phrase uttered frequently…” He trailed off knowing she never cared for the way he’d harass Coco and the guys, and he didn’t want to upset her, not now.

After giving him a look noticing him trail off, she squeezed his hand, “They are moving me to a regular room today, if all goes to plan that is…” Y/n now trialed off knowing all too well that things could change in a heartbeat.

Bishop knew it too. He did his best to deflect and keep the subject light. He didn’t want her stressing over too much. Before he could change the subject though Y/n spoke again.

“Bishop, any word on who did this yet? I know it’s a little soon but…’’ She looked slightly hopeful that her boys had come through but when Bishop shook his head her heart sank slightly. He did tell her that Coco and Gilly were on it. This made her feel better knowing that those two wouldn’t sleep until they had found the shooter.

A nurse had come into the room and started taking Y/n’s vitals and doing other things that needed done asking what the relation was to the man in the room and Bishop spoke up before Y/n could saying that she was his daughter. Which caused Y/n to cry because that was something that had never been discussed between them it was just assumed that was the dynamic they had.

Y/n had never had a dad in her life, she barely had a mom. She had thought that Phillipe would be the only one to end up becoming a ‘bonus dad’ to her but Bishop also ended up in that role and to hear him say that proudly to the nurse was something she hadn’t expected from him.

The nurse started checking information and begave to try to question his statement only for Y/n to shut her down with a simple “I was adopted, and it was decided I was to keep my last name.” This seemed to satisfy the nurse and the subject was promptly dropped. The nurse said that the doctor would be in shortly to make the decision about moving her to a regular room.

The doctor came into the room about twenty minutes after the nurse had left and checked Y/n over and informed her that she was indeed well enough to be moved to a regular room and would most likely be sent home in another day or so but wouldn’t be able to be by herself for at least a week after.

Bishop told the doctor not to be worried about that, she would be with at least one person around the clock between his club and her boyfriend father she wasn’t being left out of anyone’s sight for quite some time. Most likely well beyond that week, which prompted both the doctor and Bishop to chuckle.

As the doctor started going over the things that would be necessary after she was sent home Bishop’s phone rang and he excused himself to take the call. Once he returned the Doctor finished up his speech and left. Bishop looked at Y/n and she knew.

Bishop spoke in s deadly serious tone, “That was Coco, they found him. Now here is the tricky part, who do you want to stay here with you while the rest of us go take care of this piece of shit?”

To Be Continued…

Part Five

@ xnarca @withmyteeth

#Mayans MC #mayans mc imagine #mayans fandom #mayans x reader #angel reyes imagine #angel reyes #angel reyes x reader #angel reyes fanfiction #angel reyes fic #angel reyes x you #queeniesmusings #queenies fanfiction #queenie talks #queenies fic #happy reading #love queenie

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kocherry · 2 years ago

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A Gift to the Beetle Gladiator

Arataki Itto x Reader

Hehe I just really love Itto sm and I've always wanted to write a fic about him so do enjoy this 1.2k short fic! It's just pure fluffiness to my babygirl Itto ♡

The Onis were a race that Inazumans once feared and they still do. More often now it's more of a prejudice against them. A perfect example of such situation is a young oni known as Arataki Itto.

A good for nothing deliquent... but to you he's more than that.

People often don't see beyond his usual loudness and idiocy. Itto is actually a good person at heart, he lives life the way he wants and there's nothing wrong with it. Maybe except for the times he makes children cry but that's on them... right?

"Dear Almighty Shogun I have it bad for him..."

Groaning into a pillow you turn your head to the side. Everything about Itto is just really endearing. He's like that annoying little shit that comes and go but he grows on anyone. You even defended that idiot from children who quarreled with him.

And you even promised to go with him in Onikabuto hunting and treat him to dinner tonight. So you rose from your futon and grabbed your gift for him.

You held the purple colored stuffed toy on your hands. It is quite large and had white mark designs on it. A really good replication of an Onikabuto but it's just soft and big.

Choosing this as a gift for Itto started because you thought that the Onikabuto and Itto have a lot of similarities. Well, aside from just being there doing nothing all day. They may look scary or even revolting but if you get to know them they're quite adorable.

Brushing those thoughts aside you place the stuffed toy into a box. You hurriedly changed into your usual yukata and went to the meeting spot. It was just an area outside of the city where the view of Amakane Island is just up ahead.

A small smile is brought up to your face as you see a familiar tall figure with silver hair with red highlights. Itto wasn't looking at your direction which made you grin evilly. This was a perfect time to sneak behind his back.

You were tiptoeing while holding your gift protectively but as you drew closer you could hear Itto's mutterings. And what you heard made your heart ache.

"Okay it's not that bad you always hear them telling you're a bad influence, a scary oni, or even a criminal!" Itto exaspertedly threw his hands on the air venting out his frustrations.

You stopped walking as Itto place a hand below his chin. His eyes looks like he was about to cry. "(Y/N) would never hate me like what that guy said... yeah they'll be here and come with me again to an onikabuto hunting!" He could recall how one parent is angry at him for making their child cry earlier.

That said parent made a back handed comment about you being too good for someone like him. Which made Itto place both hand on the sides of his head as he try to fight off what the guy had said.

"Or maybe... they finds that boring? Agh! I'm sure she doesn't mind! Even if people doesn't like me and the onis in general (Y/N) said that I'm their friend. If they do hate me they would tell me... (Y/N) would never lie to me."

This side of Itto, full of self-doubt and anguish is something you didn't expect to see. He usually is so bright, positive, and hyper all the time. Seeing Itto depricating himself is a rare occurance. It shattered your image over him... and yet his vulnerability made you admire him more.

Itto kept this negativity to himself all because he doesn't want to be seen as weak. If he did succumb to the prejudice and petty words then he would surely lose sight of his goals. The goal of living a fun life and letting people see that Onis aren't monsters.

"Itto I'm here!"

"(Y-Y/N)! Were you there this whole time?!" He stuttered at your sudden appearance and he looked afraid.

You purse your lip and restrained yourself from looking at him sadly. "Huh? No no I just got here, sorry I'm late... I really am excited to hangout with you." You played dumb but you were honest about being excited to see him.

"Don't worry there is a perfect reason why I'm a few minutes late... it's because of this!"

You were going to give the gift to him after dinner so you can run away in embarassment after you confess. But Itto needs to be reassured that you don't hate him. His feelings mattered more than your grand plan of confessing.

The box is huge and Itto's eyes lit up as he grabs your gift and takes it. "A gift for me?! The One and Oni Arataki Itto gets a gift from you, (Y/N)?!" He excitedly bounce as he points a finger at himself. You just nodded happily which made Itto tear the box apart as he brings out a stuffed Onikabuto toy that is the size of Ushi.

His silent reaction made you nervous as you rub your hands together. "Uhm do you like it? I made you a really big onikabuto plushie since you are after all... dun dun dun! The Greatest and Most Powerful Beetle Gladiator of all time!" Your voice is a bit shakey but you manage to tell Itto about why you had chosen to make a stuffed toy.

Itto then suddenly tackles you into a hug, the onikabuto plushie is the one that separated his bare chest from ever hitting your face. "Like it?! I absolutely love it (Y/N)! Hehehe!" He pulls away from.the hug holdimg the plushie in one hand while he brushes his nose with his finger.

"I know you recognize my truest strength! I'm just that great aren't I?!" He is spectacularly happy right now which made you also feel the same. "But really... thank you so much this means a lot I was a little sad earlier becausw of... stuffs!" For a second his expression is saddened. "Ah but don't worry I cheered up now all because of you!"

He leans down to your height and pats your head. You were a blushing mess at this point as his touch is gentle. And in return you brush his soft silver hair painted in red highlights away from his cheek and kiss his forehead gently.

"You're welcome and I would always make you happy because I like you very much Itto." You confess with a smile not able to really hold back.

Itto's eyes widen and then he lets out a laugh, "Awww I like you too (Y/N)~!" He ruffles your head again. "You're now my favorite person in aaaaaaall of Inazuma~! But don't tell the gang that I don't want to be accused of favoritism."

You want to feel dejected because he didn't seem to get the idea that you were confessing to him. But oh well! That really doesn't matter for now.

Maybe someday you would confess your crush to Itto properly. For now you enjoyed how he smiles at you softly while hugging the Onikabuto plushie you gave him. Your feelings just grew because you learned something new.

Itto is quite an energetic and positive fella but that doesn't mean he would be immuned to the prejudice against him. And you were for sure not going to let Itto doubt himself ever again. And seeing Itto hold your gift dearly while giggling... you were definitely going to protect that smile.

#arataki itto #itto #arataki itto x reader #itto x reader #arataki itto fluff #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #fluff and comfort #itto being a himbo and reader loving everything about him #gender neutral reader #itto x gn reader

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shrineofdolls · 2 months ago

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at the risk of losing followers (when am i not at risk for that lol) im going to just admit this out loud cus i don't care. warning in the tags

i still have a desire to self harm but it's not because i dislike myself or think i deserve pain. i find the idea of scarring my body very Hot. not somebody else mind you, this is very much so a private kink between me, myself, and i.

i don't let others hurt me anymore. an ex boyfriend tried to choke me out in some fucked up backwards attempt to "win me back". i had bruises on my neck for weeks. it wasn't planned, it wasn't consensual. we hadn't dated for years. it left me feeling deeply insecure and afraid. funny enough the dude also disliked that i self harmed, go figure. he wanted to cut me but he wanted me to stop. gross behavior. idk how to trust people around the subject anymore. anywho.

i used to self harm because i was in a lot of uncomfortable situations where i had little control. it felt good to take out my frustrations on something, and i felt the scars looked cute on my body. it was like a tattoo but i was too young, poor, and quite possibly too stupid at the time to get one. so i self harmed. never cut deep enough to get to the white stuff except once lol. often i was cutting words into myself that had meaning to me. when i showed another self harmer they shamed me because they felt my scars were pathetic and superficial. i realized cutting wasn't a social activity lol so i mostly kept it to myself.

my ex girlfriend hated that i self harmed and when i told her why she said it was disgusting. she told me i was doing it because i was abused. i guess she wasn't wrong about that ROFL. she had backwards views on kink. really funny though because she was into incest but my self harm was too gross for her. Note: i don't give a shit if you have an incest kink. she insinuated that i self harmed because i was angry with her and that i was doing it to have control over her. i wasn't doing it because of her, i just thought it was fun to cut myself LOL. well and i was going through a lot, with being in foster care and dealing with my broken family. i was horny, sad, and wanted to play with pain. she thought my freak behavior was unacceptable. we never did roleplay incest together. we barely had sex. she often would call me mentally ill.

i don't self harm now. i actually feel like I'm a coward because i don't anymore, like I've lost my edge. two major gender affirming surgeries and scars across my chest and stomach, but i still feel like I'm weak. that said, i don't think it's in my best interest to return to it. i legit think i was addicted in a way, and i had to keep scars fresh on both my thighs or else I'd feel naked. i would seek out things to be upset about and then proceed to chanel that energy into cutting. now in days i would rather do something fun like watch a tv show or go on a walk or stand on my spikey mat because at least that doesn't leave marks.

real talk if you self harm consider buying one of these they're really fun to play with:

sit on it with your bare ass. that might be fun.

#melloof #s3lf h4rm cw #sex//ual abu//se cw #id like to talk more on this subject maybe in a zine idk

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tactiletelekonesis · 11 months ago

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gonna just ramble my thoughts for a bit

i was talking about how ive been asked to be evaluated for bpd in the past and got told by the doctor that i “dont want that stigma” and shut down before i could decide for myself if its worth it, and the person i was telling this to said they think i dont have it and like.

im kind of mad.

because im still getting to know this person and the more i think on it the more i know i at least have things that mimic the symptoms

and being told “i can tell you dont have it” feels like its diminishing the fact that i worry i do

and dont get me wrong i know the symptoms can be caused by other things but i would still like to know

and like the reason im thinking this is just… dirk strider from homestuck. ive been seeing people say hes textbook DID and i GET IT, i do, but i also really see bpd in him more. and i also see myself in him, though i dont have DID

i see his splinters and lil hal specifically as like. i can see how hal would be an alter, but lets not focus on that. hal is the epitome of a version of dirks self that he gets aggravated with, probably even hates because it reminds him of who he used to be, and to some extent whi he currently is.

if you look at the symptoms of bpd on mayo clinic, i could argue for all of them in dirk - and myself

and like. ive fucked up so many relationships because a flip switches in my head and im convinced they hate me or dont care, and people dont see that BECAUSE I FUCKING HIDE IT

I HID MY AUTISM FROM MYSELF AND OTHERS FOR 19 YEARS. MY PSYCHOSIS FOR 27. whos to say i havent been hiding bpd from people?

i already have dependent personality disorder but if you have one personality disorder youre more likely to have more

the reason people dont believe my struggles is i mask automatically and suffer inside because i dont know how to talk about how im suffering or even explain whats a mask and whats not

i keep going back to the time i was told “youre incapable of being mean” and the visceral reaction of wrongness i felt because i shut myself down so fucking much because the idea of upsetting others is so goddamn terrifying yet until i was 19 i would purposely make lists in my head of actual ways to ruin my friendships of i wanted to. like i would make full lists. just cataloguing all their insecurities so i could weaponize them. i never did because when i admitted to doing this when i felt safe i was told that was a dick move. and theyre right but it still fucking hurt because i dont do it on purpose. i dont.

im currently losing two of my best friends because my brain wont let me fucking talk to them because im simultaneously afraid theyre mad, and mad at them myself, and im sabotaging myself by not talking to them at all

i literally swing from thinking im worthless to thinking im a literal celestial being. i dissociate all the god damn time. im so fucking angry every second of my life

i would go into more detail about other symptoms but im making myself sad.

i dont care about the stigma i want validation for these symptoms and acknowledgement that i am extremely mentally ill at times and i just

i know they meant well but being told im not bpd by a newer friend who im still opening up to is frustrating. youre not my doctor, youre not me. how would you know? my doctor doesnt even know all my experiences because i dont know how to talk about them

im not sure if its the 4am talking or the stress from the roommate situation but like im thinking about bpd again. i think its worth looking into

anyway i cant believe im turning into a dirk kinnie but im not complaining

#konwontshutup #talk about in therapy later

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funkymbtifiction · 2 years ago

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Hi. Thank you for what you do! It’s super cool to see and to learn from your blog! Now it’s my turn to ask something after all this time. I’m an INFP 9w1 and I’m recently really frustrated with everything. I am coming into contact with the seething anger that lies beneath the surface of every Nine. My main thing I’m mad about right now is how I don’t have a god dang thing figured out. I’m going to be turning 24 in a few months and I feel like I haven’t done jack. I’m stuck in a job I hate so much. I can’t even care enough to show up on time anymore. The only reason I stay is that it pays the bills but it’s not worth it at this point anymore. I’ve worked there for four years. I only got the job because my sister worked there and the manager didn’t even interview me. I just got hired because my sister was good at it. I’ve been taking a class but this class is self-paced and I keep forgetting about it and I’m devastated because I told people I was taking this class because I was excited about it. I was excited about the prospect of getting a new career but it’s like every time someone brings up the class now, I cringe because I’m not keeping up with it at a normal human rate. I’m scared to tell people about the things I’m excited about that involve a measure of commitment because I always lose my steam. And also my sister who is an ISFJ 3w2 is great but also she doesn’t understand how I lose my motivation and she gets mad at me about it and why I am I afraid of what she thinks? Like, we’re both adults and who cares? But she’s been like a second mother to me so maybe that’s why I care so much. I can’t bear the potential disappointment. And then my mom is an ISFJ 6w5 and she always brings up how I have so much potential but the idea of having “so much potential” terrifies me to the ends of the earth. I have things I’m naturally inclined towards, like art and languages and poetry, and I have so many ideas of what I want to do but never the drive to go through with it. How do I go through with it? How do I find the motivation? I know this anger is a compass of sorts but it’s like I think in concepts and I can’t put any of it into words. How do I trust myself to follow through on things? Because I don’t. I really don’t. Why am I not a naturally motivated person?

I asked a 9 INFP I know what to do in this situation, and he said you should start small with things and then let the momentum build and carry you along with it. It's hard for 9s to find motivation and to take up space in the world; it's hard for them to push themselves outside of their comfort zone; it's hard for them to muster the energy to do big things when they are introverts. But if you don't, you will wind up angry, frustrated, and full of self-hatred, as you are right now.

Anger is good for a 9. It means you've had enough. Take some of that anger and choose to act with it. 9s are "doing" repressed. That means they think and dream rather than take action -- but it gets them nowhere, so they need to decide on a plan and then develop the self-commitment to take the first steps it requires. If you hate your job, quit and find another one. Finish your class. Decide what time you are going to work on it every day and do it. Seek out what made you excited about it, and set your own barriers in place. If it's self-paced, does that mean you can finish it sooner rather than later? If so, would the idea of getting it done, and having that to motivate you, get you to do the work? How can you motivate yourself? Is it enough to think about the life you want and how this is going to get you there?

A 9 told me once she realized quite young that if she wanted to do and see everything her heart desired, she was going to have to get up off her butt and take action. So... take some action. Pick what you want to work on and then do it. Force yourself to do it. Often, if you just commit to a small change, it leads to bigger things. ("I will read this for ten minutes." "Well, I can actually do longer than this..." "I will write 50 words... that took no time at all, I'll write more!") Set small goals that it would be impossible to fail at, and you'll be surprised how much easier it is to keep going once you actually show up.

#question #enneagram #enneagram 9

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xentaurvs · 2 years ago

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heres to getting stronger in 2023

My Love,

I'm writing this because I don't know how to tell you and because I'm afraid of the reaction you will give me or of what you might think towards me.

This is 2.27 a.m., the 4th of January, 2023. You cross my mind, come to my dream; I can't sleep and feel emotional. As this is the first day of my period, this is a common yet drained feeling that I have always experienced in my whole life. At this moment, I started feeling deeply, and I feel you. I choose to embrace the Love and let it run through me. The tears come down, combined with the warmth. I take a deep breath and stop for a moment, realizing that I love you that deeply.

Happy New Year, my darling.

I want to say that I am so sorry that you met me. I am an emotionally stubborn psychopath with that bad temper and attitude that always cries and annoys you. I don't know why I have to feel and experience such a fluctuating emotion that significantly changes, and it just always gets worse when it comes to my period. I know I am an adult, and it is my full responsibility to manage my emotions, but sometimes I find it hard to address them adequately; yesterday, I was so angry, then I was sad, and now I just cannot stop crying. I am not going to use this woman's symptom as a reason for you to compromise my unpleasant behaviour. But I always put effort to get better and I want you to know that I have a whole lot of Love for you, and no matter what happens, I do love you.

I know you might have heavy things to carry on your shoulder, to think about quietly; you might be in a war you need to fight for. And I am afraid that my existence would just mess it up. I never meant to do bad things to you. But I can't resist saying that I am hard to understand. Yes, I blocked you that day. Not gonna lie; at that time, I was disappointed by your answer – related to our closest-best-friend marriage. But actually, I was triggered by the idea that 'if you don't want to communicate, then just don't. see you next year', and just a split second later, I was like, 'okay, I don't want to talk to you' and I distanced myself so I would not make the situation worse due to my uncontrolled emotions, and I blocked you. I was feeding my ego, which led me to ask myself, "what the fuck are you doing, idiot?' I started crying and missing you. Furthermore, I fully understand that you’ve got enough, and you might cant handle more.

I thought that no one would ever compromise my impulsive action. That I do not deserve every one. That no one would ever make it to have a partner like me. I am just like an exploded boom, and tbh I don't want people to understand that. Neither do you. But if I have to ask, I just want to be accompanied; throughout my journey, I promise to improve and work things out. Please appreciate the way I bloom. I have some coping mechanisms, but processing them takes time. I know you might feel exhausted, tired, or give up on me. I am so sorry... I don't know what I'm trying to say, but I hope you see the point that I'm willing to tell you about.

The reality is, none of us is easy to be with. Particularly, my own self with all of these chaotic things about me. Once again, I am so sorry for making you experience this uncomfortable and irritating situation over and over again. I am sorry you have to love me with all of this inconvenience. I will make it out of this. I promise you I will. I am still getting used to it and finding our best harmony to grow together in the rhythm.

Now it is 3.14 a.m., and I'm still crying; you know I'm bad at texting, sometimes I don't know what to say, and I don't know what to do. Writing it down is the best way. Please do not reply; I'm so afraid you might be angry or leave me because I always frustrate you. I am so sorry that I am making you feel that way. Please promise me that you will never forget this thing:

I love you,

and

No matter the situation, I never give up on you

I choose you, choose to walk the path of life together

But if life becomes too hard for you as my partner,

I have no right to make you stay

I will give you this letter this morning, and please do not give any reply or reaction; just please come here soon. I don't know, and I am not ready for the conversation you will bring to the table by text because I don't know what to say just please come here soon…

I miss you, my whole world.

As this is a new start of the year, I ask for an apology and wish the best for both of us.

Anyway, lets rock this fucking year!

tons of love and tears,

Larasati S

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nocturnalart · 5 months ago

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I am AuDHD and have a hard time expressing myself on the best of days (me when unmasked and happy is basically the emotional maturity level of an over excited 8yo and I recognize it) When I'm having a good day I am just boisterously happy or sad or expressive but on bad days I'm like a glacier cuz I shut it down when overwhelmed. I knew this was an issue I had and I was afraid I would be bad at emotional modeling for my twins when I was pregnant so I looked up how to model emotions for kids and how to be a constructive emotion haver and how to handle overwhelming emotions and how to be accepting of emotions and how to model that to the kids and how to practice it in my life. I'm not perfect - I feel bad sometimes and snap sometimes but I immediately let the kids know that they did nothing wrong and that I just get overwhelmed and scared sometimes and I need a min to calm down. I've been getting better at "Can you please give mommy some space and we can count to 10 and let mommy take deep breaths and then we can try again okay?" and they have been getting better at giving me the space I need so I can regulate so I can deal wiht the situation.

I always tell them that their emotions are valid and its okay to have them even when they are not happy emotions: everyone can be sad or mad or hurt or happy or excited or whatever : there's nothing wrong with those feelings what matters is what we do with those feelings: my main goal is when we are mad or sad or frustrated that we do not hit and throw even if we feel like it because it won't actually make us feel better we will just feel guilt about hurting someone or something. That's why we need to stop and take deep breaths and maybe go have a time out or a time in or stomp it out or roar like a lion. We should cry when we are sad and laugh when we are happy and tell people if we are angry or hurt etc.

We learned some sing songs to help calm down and we do breathing techniques and the kids (now 5yos) are pretty good at either telling me how they feel and if something made them happy or sad or frustrated or angry etc. They often know when they need a min when they are upset or take deep breaths and regulate themselves unprompted. However, they still lash out sometimes because they are 5 and still learning and emotional regulation is a skill we all need to practice and develop to get better at - and I don't hold it against them. I just try to always let them express themselves and try to be calm and accepting and let them know whatever they are feeling is valid and I still love them even if they have mean thoughts sometimes or even if they make mistakes etc.

Teach your children how to deal with emotions in a constructive way. I wish I had done this with my children.

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judesmoonbeauty · 4 days ago

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My Thoughts & Spoilers On Jude's Route

This will contain detailed major route spoilers. If you do not want to be spoiled, please move on because I will not be filtering my review. Also, not all spoilers and details are being shared. This is intentional. Bear in mind this is written prior to my thoroughly translating his route, so the translation may have some adjustments to this information.

So, I really LOVED it!! It's a very good storyline. Am I biased? Yes. However, whether you're romantically interested in Jude or not, I feel like you'll like in route in general. I do highly recommend reading his and Ellis' Past Records before his route if you can. His route does bring up clips from PR, but it's very minimal and there's a lot of context and extra details in PR that you don't get in this MS. I did my best with this, but my thoughts are still every where, so if it doesn't make sense. My bad.

Tropes: Enemies to Lovers....of sorts?, Slow-burn. Key Side Villain Characters: Ellis, Nica, Victor New Side Characters For His Route: Theodore Walker, Gilbert Murphy, Oswald Simmons Love Language: Physical Touch (I'd just like to say that I called this.) Who Falls in Love First: Kate First Kiss: Kate Kisses Jude First Full Snu-Snu: Chapter 24 Both Premium ends Jude's Fate Tragic End: He will die bearing a grudge against/hating the world. Route CW: Violence, Smoking, CA, Neglect, Mentions of a child's death. Jude's Age: 28-30. Jude's Heritage: Irish-British Jude's Curse: 13th Fairy (An endless cycle of hatred) Jude's Fated End: To die with a hatred/resentment against the world.

Plot: In a nutshell, Kate is trying to find one good thing to like about Jude prior to her term of FTK (fairytale keeper) ending, as per their first promise made together. If she finds one, Jude must fulfill any one request she has. Amidst working for both Crown and Raven, Kate tries to come into her own in terms of standing as Jude's equal, seeing the world as he does, and essentially saving him from not only own his death wish, but from being framed for treason against their country.

My thoughts: Jude's route is very lively, it's got a healthy amount of funny moments, action packed moments, and it's quite wholesome overall. However, it still retains some darkness in the sense of his past, and the fact that he's literally on this tightrope of life and death.

Kate: She is not afraid of voicing her thoughts and feelings, or speaking sarcastically to Jude. I almost died when I read that she stuck her tongue out at him LOL. There's this scene where Ellis tells her she's thinking out loud when she doesn't realize it, so she apologizes. A few minutes later after she greets Theodore, she sees Jude behind him:

Kate: ....And thanks for your hard work too, Jude. Jude: Can ya please stop greet me so sourly? Makes me wanna vomit my mornin' tea. Kate: I wonder if I'm under a curse that'll kill me if I don't say something sarcastically...

So, she is very courageous and gutsy, but she also thinks things through. There are times where she wants to act because she loves Jude and wants to be there for him, but she also knows not to act rashly because her movements can hurt him and Crown, so she opts to bide her time instead.

Out of all of her versions, I think she is the one who gets the most frustrated, the most angry, and laughs the most at certain situations such as getting locked in the office with Jude. She is very optimistic and kind, but not saintly kind.

She is a fighter. She learns self-defense and how to use a gun, a lot this takes place off screen, but she does develop this over time. Which is nice because it's more realistic.

Jude & Kate Relationship: Starts off very rough, and I say it's an enemies to lovers trope, but no one actually hates the other person, they simply don't get a long and it has that vibe. Jude is trying to kick her out of Crown, and Kate is trying to find something she likes about him.

Overall, they bicker and banter a lot. It's cute because in MLE Kate says, "If I say one thing, he has 10 things to say", and in BLE Jude says, "If I say one thing, she's got 10 things to say." They're adorable together.

One scene I loved was when Jude is being attacked by a group of thugs in his office after closing hours, and Kate barges in with her gun. She yells at the men to stop what they're doing, and then she tells Jude to step away from them. And so, Jude and Kate are having this full blown conversation as they're surrounded by these thugs as to why she is at his office, who's fault it is, etc, etc. And when the head thug starts to complain, both Jude and Kate say, "Shut up!" at the same time. This seems like it actually becomes a thing for them, they say it in MLE as well.

Were they childhood friends? No. That was an AU thing only, and a clever misdirection from Cybird. I think key take aways from Dark IF and Prison IF are that they made promises to each other, and that Kate tries to return to little Jude in Prison IF. Additionally, it does hint that two children were involved in Jude's past, just the other wasn't Kate, it's his sister. While some may be disappointed by this, I loved that it turned out this way, it surprised me.

Love Language: Physical. Touch. Lemme say it again. Physical Touch. While their relationship is a slow burn, it's not without it's tension along the way, and the pay off is hella worth in my opinion. I just knew that Jude was going to tear into her, and he does.

But more importantly, Jude touches Kate a lot especially before missions. For example, in BLE just before Kate goes undercover at a criminal organization that is using Raven products, she and Jude are in his office reviewing the plans, and while he does this, he touches her bare skin, kiss or bite her, and then after the mission he'll make love to her. Why? Because Kate made another promise to Jude earlier in the route that she would never die before him, so he doesn't have to suffering loss ever again. So, prior to any missions, he'll touch her up to a certain point like a promise she won't die, and then finish once she returns safely. I can't...he's so damn precious.

They love each other very very much, but Jude doesn't like saying the words. "I love you." Not because he's a tsun, but because they're easily said. So, he'll convey his love to Kate with words like, "I'm taking you to hell with me." If you read his side stories, he'll tell you just how much he loves her, and he admits that there is no other woman in the world that he could ever love like her.

Important Side Characters: Theodore Walker: 21 y/o and he works in the sales department at Raven. Every one calls him Theo, even Kate. It seems that he's worked for Jude for a long time as well. He's very personable, and chatty, and he gets nervous about things like when the president forgets his custom fountain pen as he's on his way to business meetings. He even says to Kate and Jude that Kate is his type, and everyone is like.....um what? I'm really happy that Theodore isn't a traitor. I like him. I thought Cybird would use him the way that contract worker in Jude's first story event would be used. But no, he's just a loyal young man who cares about his job. I hope to see him again.

Oswald Simmons: He is the doctor who treated Jude and his sister after Jude memorized an entire medical textbook in a week. After Jude's sister was sold off, Jude ran to Oswald and asked that if he put Jude through school, let him lodge with him and provide him food, then Jude would pay him back with interest. Oswald agrees and in time, Jude does pay him back with interest. Oswald treats everyone equally, and he finds Jude's intelligence and ability to memorize things amusing. While he does not offer to take Jude in of his own initiative, Oswald does have a soft spot for Jude, as he tries to gift Jude a new pocket watch upon graduation and the success of his new company. He even tries to dissuade Jude from seeking revenge that will only force Jude into be lonely. In the route, he tells Kate to relay a message to Jude, that if he ever gets into a pinch to comeback and he'll give Jude a run for his money. To this day, Oswald still has the watch that Jude refused to take.

I honestly, hope that they reunite one day. Jude doesn't wish Oswald any ill-will (though he calls him a weirdo), and he wished Oswald a long life when he said goodbye.

Gilbert Murphy: He is a high-ranking officer of the British military who colludes with the Privy Council and a criminal organization to frame Jude treason and building military weapons. However, Gilbert truly does think that Jude is going to the moon for monetary purposes. While he is being an asshole for framing my beloved, his motives are to protect the people from potential weapons that can be created with Jude's research. Still, it's sullying Jude's innocent and pure motives. Still, he testifies in Jude's favor and takes the blame of the dead privy council member, as his own form of justice for trying to frame Jude due to his becoming blinded by his obsession to protect his country.

The other villains: Ellis: Ellis is Jude's right hand so he is heavily involved with the plot, especially in MLE. We know about Ellis.

Nica: Darius asks him to investigate Jude, so he does. Twice, he offers information to Jude that he's gathered after he lets him know he's aware of what he's building.. The first time, he tells him that a part from the criminal organization Jude has already been dealing with, the British military want his plans too. And wouldn't it be something if they teamed up to get Jude's research. He asks if he can snatch the robin away from Jude, but Jude says she doesn't belong to him, and no matter whom she dated she belongs to herself.

Nica leaves the bar after getting scolded by Jude, but prior to that, he tells Jude that the robin is in the most danger because she's around him. A few chapters later, Nica appears again and tells Jude that his assumptions based on the previous information given have come true, and because he didn't let go (of Kate), he's letting her know the facts. After he explains the situation to her, he tries to whisk her away on a date, but Kate declines. While Nica is a "playboy", it seems that he does care for Kate's well-being.....I am letting my current knowledge of his past events, and bond stories influence me by saying this.

At any rate, at the end of BLE, Darius asks Nica why he follows his orders so complicitly, and Nica says it's because he's on the winning side, and to him, Darius will be or is the winner. Darius is satisfied with this, and when he leaves Nica looks at his palm and says that he will be the happiest someday. It's already been established that becoming the happiest person is important to him, but this has now been reinforced.

Victor: Lore crumbs are very little, but what we do know is that when Kate asks him if he is angry, he tells her that he's forgotten loneliness a long time ago.

Further, when he approaches Jude and asks if Jude is hiding something from him and Crown, he tells Jude he has the means to help him. Jude asks if Victor isn't the one hiding something, and remarks that's why Harrison hates him so much because he knows he is lying. Victor simply smiles and stays silent. Upon leaving his study, Victor does tell Jude no matter what, he doesn't want their freedom disturbed and those are his true feelings.

Further, Victor later tells Kate in the BLE that when Jude says he abuses his power, Jude wasn't lying about that. Later in chapter 24, all of Crown are gathered together in front of her Majesty the Queen for a very important meeting. Victor speaks saying that they wish to grant Kate the position of fairytale keeper permanently, and when Jude finds out, he leaves angrily. In the middle of all this, the Queen never utters a word.

I don't think we learn anything new that we weren't aware of before with Victor to be honest, unless I missed something while reading. But, it's nice to know that we should see something big for his route. We better for how under wraps his lore is kept.

Jude's age: He can't be any older than 30 because in his Past Records he definitively says that he is five years old. In the MS, Oswald states the events he recounted to Roger and Kate took place over 20 years ago. Kate reason's that if it was 20 years ago then Jude had to be under the age of 10. I think he's 28-30.

Jude's Curse: Jude's curse was born when his heart was completely broken, and he vowed to get revenge on those who made him and his sister suffer. It's manifestation was described as a black flame of hatred in his heart. Essentially, Jude has entered a vicious cycle of hatred that never really ceases. Jude fuels this cycle by acting in a way where people want to get revenge on him, and a part of that is because he want's to die.

Jude's Fated End: Jude is fated to die bearing a grudge/resentment/hatred against the world. Jude himself says that his death will not be an honest one. Some have made comments that his fated end is a bit underwhelming, but I am pleased that Cybird left Disney alone, and stuck with Grimm's ending for the 13th fairy. I love it because no one knows what the fairy was thinking or what happened to it, it just simply disappears. This is something that is mentioned quite a bit in Jude's route.

In the MS there is a beautiful chapter with all of Crown gathered for a fireworks beach day, and while Jude is looking at the fireworks, Kate is looking at him. She thinks he is like a firework, beautiful, dangerous if you get too close, and then simply gone.

In BLE, Kate watches a Sleeping Beauty play hosted by local town children where she is staying and even though she knows that the outcome of the fairy is unknown, she is hoping for a different outcome. When the kids stick to the fairytale, it's then she realizes that Jude too - while still stuck in his cycle of hatred - will die. He will never know happiness, and disappear like the burnt body of cigarette smoke, like a firework in the sky.

In chapter 18ish, while Jude is being held captive and being tortured by the British military for information on Crown, he laughs self-mockingly and says that this is the perfect fit for him to die bearing resentment/grudge against the world.

Is Kate Trying to find a way to break the curse? No. Unlike Alfons and Roger's route, Kate is willing to accept Jude's fate, stay by him, make him happy and be his reason to live. That is her sole purpose, to make sure he doesn't die. Kate is obsessed with keeping him anchored to the world no matter the cost, and she even mentions to Victor that even though no fated ends have ever been avoided, that doesn't necessarily mean they are tragic.

Is Jude happy by the end of the route: Yes. Though he won't admit it out loud being the tsun tsun that he is, Jude's first glimpse of happiness occured when he told Kate about his dream and she didn't laugh at him. By the time he puts her to sleep and leaves her behind, he tells her that being genuinely liked wasn't so bad. And of course, Ellis asks if he can kill Jude in his BLE epilogue because it's obvious that he's happy......Jude tells him he can go die, and Ellis is like okay okay. FR though E, I need you to calm TF down.

The depth of his love for her is so great that he tells her that if she ever tries to run from him, she should just kill him. The reason is because she is his only happiness - she is the moon that he's been trying to reach for so long. He'd have no reason to live if she left him.....

Hmmm, here are some of my favorite parts in his route:

He tries so hard to protect Kate, from throwing her out of a window when a house is on fire and telling her she died in that fire so she wouldn't have to return to Crown, to lying to her and accusing her of making a 10,000 £ mistake and firing her from Raven, and other things.

I love that he even assigned people to watch her secretly after he's left her behind in a seaside town, with the intention of doing so for a long time since she is known throughout London for said involvement with Jude. He says things like, if she can live a calm, normal life, then that's enough for me. So, he's resigned to love her from afar.

He does everything in his power to protect even Crown from getting involved with his research so they aren’t crushed and hated by the privy council or others, even undergoing brutal torture.

Jude promises to make Kate the happiest he can before they go to hell, and there are many, many more things he does to endear me even more to him. I nearly cried when he introduced Kate to his sister at her grave he had made for her, saying she (his unnamed sister), was the only family he had left.

Even though he knows his dream of going to the moon is going to be difficult, he is more determined than ever to achieve it, because he's got two promises to keep.

Ultimately, we have our teasing Jude and Kate kicking ass together, and loving each other until their ends come.

Ugh, I'm gonna make myself cry. Well, this is it in a nutshell. Sorry for rambling!

#jude jazza #ikevil jude #ikevil #ikevil spoilers

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