#is up to you how platonic or not so platonic the relationship between JJ and Otabek has been during the time he stayed in Canada

[street-smarts00]

Clingy

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (BAU!reader)

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WC: 3.7k

Summary: You tended to be very expressive with your friends when showing your affection. Whether it showed in pet names or physical touch. Only thing is, Spencer thinks he’s falling in love with you, and all of your sweet affectionate actions are starting to take a toll on his unrequited heart. At least, he thinks it’s unrequited. 

Tags: there’s a tiny bit of miscommunication but not too much that it will make your head explode like it does mine. Make out but nothing grown/spicy. Friends to lovers. A bit of hurt/comfort

A/N: Not beta read don’t kill me! yoooo spence is so in denial about her feelings in this but lol so real king. This is mostly from his POV but I had to cheat a few times. Hope i can live up to the hype that complimentary colors was. I low key don't like this one as much but had to execute it cause the idea was cute.

You were starting to drive him insane. Criminally insane. You could invade his thoughts at any waking moment of his day and take over his mind. Every affectionate pet name, every soft fleeting touch, hell every time you look at him, he would replay the moment in his mind like a broken record. If he was in a crowded room, his eyes would always fall on you. 

After being with the BAU for a while you became good friends with your coworkers. And with that, came your habit of calling your friends sweet nicknames. Anything from sweetie, to honey, to babes, and the one that broke his heart the most, my love. 

At first he didn’t understand why you were using terms of endearment that were typically used in a romantic relationship, but in a platonic way. At some point he caught on that you were similar to Garcia when it came to expressing your love for friends. Similar to her and the way she has her own sweet silly way of expressing how she cares.

Nevertheless, some small part of his heart still broke when you called him those names. He adored your sweet caring nature and the fact that you cared enough about him to call him terms of endearment. But every time a nickname fell from your lips, he was reminded you only meant it platonically. 

It was his own personal torture to constantly be reminded he would never be your sweetie, your honey … your love. But the nicknames weren’t enough to drive him insane. While it drove him to the brink of insanity, he was able to keep his head somewhat still on his shoulders. 

Not long after the heart warming but crushing nicknames, you showed your true love language. Physical touch. It showed in many forms. It could show when poking JJ in the shoulder and giving Emily a high five. Or nudging Morgan in his side with your elbow. You even managed to get a fist pump from Hotch and Rossi. And of course the welcome and goodbye hugs from Penelope. 

You were a bit hesitant at first to express this love language of yours with Spencer due to his aversion to touch and germs. However, you observed that he would gratefully receive occasional touches. Whether it be a hug, high-five, or even the rare ruffle of his hair -which of course would be from Morgan. So you approached him and asked if he was comfortable with physical contact. 

When it came to you, he was more than comfortable. You could take him in your arms and he would simply melt into a puddle on the floor. Except he didn’t say that and his reply was closer to a mix of stuttering and rambling about how you could never make him uncomfortable and how he just doesn’t like germs. 

Now he’s not saying he regrets his choices. He wouldn’t ever take it back. He enjoys every single lingering touch between the two of you. Actually “enjoys” would be a severe understatement. Every single time you ruffle his hair, lean your head on his shoulder, or even just carefully touch his arm, it was as if a thousand volts of electricity were flowing through him. Like he could light up the city even. You were the best part of his days and the reason breath filled his lungs. You brought a light into his life that made him feel safe and warm. 

He desperately wanted your affection, your attention, your touch, to mean something more than he knew it to be. But sooner or later, touch after touch, he started to go insane. Somewhere along the way he had daydreamed so deep he had lost his mind. 

You had officially driven Spencer Reid insane. 

He was promptly whisked away from his thoughts when he felt the tap of a folder on his shoulder and a light thump on his desk. 

“Hotch wants to know your thoughts on the consultation from Colorado,” you started. 

He blinked back into focus glancing at the papers on his desk. 

“Hey, you alright?” You asked with concern. “You look like your head is in the clouds.”

“I’m fine, just lost in thought,” he answered with a small smile reassuring you.

“Don’t get too lost. Can’t have your genius brain short circuiting on us.” You chuckled as you took a small step closer to him and playfully ruffled his hair. 

“I’ll try not to,” he grinned and pushed his hair back after you messed with it. 

“Well I’ll be back soon, my love. Gotta go bother Penelope,” you joked before making your way out of the bullpen. 

His gaze was lingering on you as you left. His thoughts started to drift to you again as his cheeks turned pink.

“I’ll be back soon, my love,” Morgan mimicked in a higher pitched voice with a grin as he approached Spencer's desk. In response Spencer turned his chair away from Morgan to hide his now red face. 

“When are you two going to start dating? You guys already act like a couple.” 

“We do not act like a couple,” Spencer argued. “She just sometimes calls me pet names, that's normal for her.” 

“You don’t see it do you?” Morgan furrowed his eyebrows and was seconds away from chuckling. “She’s been giving you quite a bit of attention lately. Practically clinging onto you.” 

“I mean I- I don’t think so. She does that with everyone, it's not just me. She just happens to be very affectionate with friends.” He answers as his voice almost cracked. 

Morgan shook his head, “Oh no it’s more than that. Have you ever noticed that she calls you “my love” but she calls us “love”? Or when we’re on a long flight back home and you two are all cuddly on the jet. How she always seeks out your company and finds an excuse to talk to you or about you.” 

Spencer couldn’t speak. He had so many words on the tip of his tongue but his voice wouldn’t make a sound. He sat frozen and mouth slightly agape as his brain started to go into overdrive. 

Morgan's face softened at Spencer's reaction. “It’s different with you kid. Friends don’t act like that.” 

“You and Garcia do.” Spencer countered, this time definitely with a voice crack. Morgan lightly chucked. He was well aware that his and Penelope’s friendship was a bit different than other male/female friendships. 

“Okay you got me there, but you and Y/N aren’t me and Garcia. We may flirt with each other a lot but that’s our thing. You two have this care for each other like nothing I've ever seen.” 

Spencer was left stunned once again and Morgan could practically see the gears in his head turning.

“You may not notice it now, or hell you may not let yourself notice it now, but it’s true.” 

Those words rang in the back of Spencer's mind for days. Of course on a regular basis you would occupy his mind at any given moment. But now it wasn’t just thoughts about you. His mind was over analyzing almost every interaction between you and him, trying to find what Morgan had talked about. Some form of evidence that proved what you felt for him was beyond what he had initially thought. 

He was recounting all the recent times you had approached him out of the members of your team. He recalled all the times you were either hanging out or on the jet and you found yourself tracing patterns on his arm. He was rethinking when you started to use nicknames around him and how it could be different with him than with others. It turned out Morgan might be right, as Spencer realized the numerous times you referred to Garcia or Emily as “love”, but in the rare instance you said “my love” it was only ever directed to him. 

The idea of you liking him back had become an all consuming thought, but he was too terrified to ask you. What if Morgan was wrong? Profilers have been wrong before. He became petrified by the idea of asking you about it and possibly finding out his feelings were unrequited. But most of all, he was scared of losing you. Scared that if he brought it up he would make things awkward and ruin your friendship. He couldn’t lose you, not over something as trivial as his feelings. 

Unfortunately the mental toll this was taking on his mind started to show. Not so obvious that the everyday person would notice, but you weren’t an everyday person. You grew to know him like the back of your hand. So of course you started to notice the little changes in his behavior. His ever so slight flinch when you would initially touch him. His eyes which used to linger on you and catch your eyes from across the room, now focused almost anywhere you weren’t. The way his body froze when you placed a hand on his shoulder. The way his eyes partially widened when you called him anything other than his name. 

He tried to hide his worries from you, but you could tell something was bothering him. 

Something about you.

His overall behavior didn’t reflect that he was avoiding you or distancing himself from you. He still talked to you and acted around you like normal. Instead it felt like he was holding himself back from receiving or truly appreciating your affection the way he used to. 

~

Days had passed and the team was sent on a case. While this case was an emotional rollercoaster for everyone, it had affected you the most. The victims had reminded you of yourself and the unsub and all of his delusional reasoning for his actions had hit very close to home. 

The team caught the unsub and closed the case quite late in the evening. Everyone was exhausted after the grueling past few days and decided to spend the night at the hotel to rest and leave in the morning. You however, still felt an ache in your stomach from all the anxiety felt throughout the day. You couldn’t seem to relax and let that weight off your shoulders. So you went to the one person who could help.  

Spencer was getting ready to go to sleep, peacefully reading a book in bed when he got a knock on his door. He placed his book down and when he opened the door he was greeted by you in pajama pants and a zip up hoodie, clearly also winding down for the night. 

“Hey,” you greeted. 

“Hi, what’s up? Is everything okay?” he asked, a bit concerned as to why you showed up at his hotel so late at night. He opened the door wider signaling you were welcome inside. You entered the room and stuffed your hands in your pockets as he closed the door. 

“I’m okay I just …” you cleared your throat. “I know this case has been a tough one but today’s been really hard for me. I’m still wired and awake, I can’t seem to relax enough to go to sleep,” You abruptly stopped your rambling to catch your breath. 

“This might sound dumb but, I’m in desperate need of a hug right now,” you finally admitted quietly.

He hated seeing you so timid and closed off. How you made yourself smaller than you were, all because you were asking for your basic needs to be met. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself.” 

“Huh?” 

“You don’t have to explain why you need a hug. You can just ask,” he said reassuringly. 

“Oh.” 

“Physical contact has been shown to increase levels of dopamine, serotonin, and even oxytocin; therefore, decreasing levels of stress and anxiety. Some people might even argue that physical touch is a fundamental element of being human and experiencing life.” His other way of trying to validate your feelings was of course rambling a string of facts and information from his fingertips. 

You couldn’t help but smile. God he loved it when you smiled. 

“So is that a yes?” you asked since you never exactly got an answer from your question in the first place. Even though you knew what his answer was. 

The corners of his lips turned into a grin. “Come here,” he says with outstretched arms. 

You practically ran into him at his offer. He wrapped his arms around you as you placed yours around his neck. He wished this moment could last forever. All while at the same time Morgan's previous statements were circling around in his head. 

He tried his best to push them away. He tried to tell himself this was not you acting on any potential feelings for him. This was simply you reaching out to a friend in need. 

He took note of the way you held onto him so tightly, almost as if he could leave at any second. It made his heart ache. 

“You feel tired,” he almost whispered. 

“I am,” you mumbled back, face buried in his neck. 

“Do you wanna lie down?” 

You lightly patted him on the back, “Don’t worry I’ll leave you be and go to sleep soon. I just need a minute 

“I meant … I meant do you want to lie down here?” He stammered. “So you’re not alone. You seem like you need a friend right now.” 

His own heart almost cracks when he says friend. But that’s what you need right now, a friend. 

“I’d like that,” you said with a small smile. 

You separate from him and he leads you to the bed holding your hand. He sits down against the headboard and waits for you to join him. 

You awkwardly sit down on the bed, eyes darting in all directions of where he’s sitting. “I- what should I …” 

“You could sit down the way you do on the jet,” he kindly offers. 

You relax at his words and move to sit at his side. He wraps his arm around you as you rest your head against his shoulder. You both sat there in a moment of silence, enjoying eachothers company. He was getting lost in the sweet smell of your perfume; the small bit of it that still lingers from the long day you’ve had. 

He started to recall all the times you two would be close like this. It didn’t happen very often. Sometimes on a long jet ride home from a long or stressful case. Or sometimes when the team went out for drinks and you would be tired from dancing. In the rare occasions you two were like this, you would tend to draw patterns on his arm or leg. 

So he decided to finally return the favor. With the arm he had wrapped around you, he started to dance his fingertips over your upper arm. 

He felt you practically melt into him at the action. If you could get any closer to him, you did. 

He continued tracing your arm with an overwhelming amount of care. It made you consider his previous actions compared to how welcome you were now in his arms. 

“Spencer, I’m gonna ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest with me,” you spoke with a hidden hesitation in your voice. 

“Of course I’ll be honest to you. I always will be,” he furrowed his brows at the thought of you being scared of him lying to you. 

You let out a small, almost shaky breath. “Am I clingy?” you murmured. 

This made his hand on your arm stop. He shifted his sitting position so he could face you better but also didn’t want to let you out of his hold. 

“No, never,” he told you with assurance. “Why would you think you’re clingy?” 

He saw you hesitate once more before you gave him your reply. “I was just overthinking things. Worried I was taking the physical contact thing too far or that I’m a bit too affectionate at times.“

“Why would you be worried? You’d never take things too far. You’ve always been respectful of other people’s boundaries.” 

You sighed with a shaky breath. He could practically see through you and see you considering your response. 

“Because I thought I was making you uncomfortable.” you looked down to avoid his gaze. 

He was quiet for a second, absolutely baffled as to how you would think you could ever make him uncomfortable. “Why?” His question was a barely audible whisper.  

“You seemed different. All of a sudden you would freeze when I touched you. You became jumpy and skittish when I talked to you. I thought I was too much for you but you didn’t want to tell me about it.” 

You shifted away to face him and his hand fell from your arm. You fidgeted with the sleeves of your hoodie as your face went blank. 

“You could never be too much for me,” he spoke with a soft voice. He tried to reach his hand out to hold yours but your hand disappeared in your sleeve at his touch. 

“Then why were you different all of a sudden?” You narrowed your eyes at him. 

His cheeks started to turn pink, “I- I wasn’t.” 

“Yes you were.” 

“Y/N please,” he begged. 

“Spencer,” you whispered as your eyes bore into his. “You said you’d be honest with me.” 

He licked his lips and his face turned red. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He couldn’t find an escape route. He had no choice but to tell you. And once the flood gate opened, he would never be able to close it. 

“I was freaking out,” he blurted. 

“I was freaking out because Morgan implanted this idea in my head that you might possibly have feelings for me based on the way you act around me. I’ve been obsessed with that thought since he mentioned it. So I freaked out almost every time you touched me, talked to me, even looked at me,” he rambled on anxiously as he tried to explain himself. No holding back now. 

“I tried not to let it change my behavior but I guess it did and I am so sorry for that. I never wanted to give you the impression that I was uncomfortable. To be honest I don’t think you could ever make me uncomfortable” 

You were silent for a moment. He couldn’t read your reaction. Your eyebrows slightly raised with your lips parted. He could only see surprise, which was typical, he just didn’t know if this kind of surprise was good. 

“Why were you so obsessed with the idea of me having feelings for you?” 

He could’ve sworn his heart was going to beat out of his chest at any moment. 

“Because I think I’m falling in love with you.”

 Here we go. Flood gates. 

“The idea you might like me back became an all consuming thought because I never before thought it was possible and I never wanted to get my hopes up. Actually, I pretty much think about you all the time so it wasn’t that far from normal. ” 

“You’re falling in love with me?” you asked barely above a whisper. 

“Yes,” he spoke softly with full confidence. 

The only change to your appearance was your eyes widened a bit more. It made Spencer's heart sink to his stomach. 

“Listen, I understand if this makes things weird between us and I am so sorry. I just couldn’t ..”

He couldn't finish his thought, you were too busy locking your lips with his. It was a sweet but cautious kiss, almost as if you were testing the waters in uncharted territory. You felt him freeze against you so you leaned away, breaking from the kiss. 

Not even seconds later Spencer placed a hand on your face and was diving back into the kiss with fervor. You instantly reacted as your arms found their way around his neck and your hand was digging in his hair. The kiss was intoxicating. Both of you trying to get a taste of the other after what felt like eons of pinning. 

He wrapped his arms around your waist while his one hand snuck up to the small of your back where your hoodie had exposed your skin. It sent a shiver up your spine while you let out a shaky breath against his lips. You tried shifting in your seat to somehow get closer to him. With his hands against your waist he helped guide you to sit in his lap straddling him. 

When you finally break from the kiss your faces are red and Spencer rests his forehead against yours. You focus on the sound of his breath and the feeling of your heart practically beating in your ears. 

Your hand moves to play with the hairs at the nape of his neck. “I guess I didn’t do a very good job at showing I had feelings for you.” 

The corners of his mouth lift up into a giddy smile. “No, you did. I’m just oblivious.”

“Sounded like you were in denial,” you lightly teased. 

“That too,” he chuckles. 

After a moment of enjoying each other's presence, you pull away from him just far enough to look him in the eyes. 

“I know I call everyone pet names, but every time I used them with you, I wanted it to mean something more. Part of me would always hope you would one day call me those names back,” 

Spencer swore his heart could give out at any second. He never expected to hear this from you and it made him lightheaded.

“This may sound childish but.. I never craved attention so badly, until you gave me yours,” you added. 

He licked his lips and smiled. With his hands still on your waist he traced mindless patterns at your sides. “You have my complete and undivided attention, my love.”

His words made you giddy. You bit your lip to keep yourself from giggling. Although, he would never be opposed to hearing your beautiful laugh. 

There were no words to describe the way that you felt. So without thinking, you leaned forward once more to capture his lips with yours. 

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Tag Requests: @nomajdetective

[kimstills]

blame

pairing: aaron hotchner x fem!bau!reader, platonic!spencer x reader summary: in which your close relationship with spencer makes aaron wonder if there’s something going on between you and the young doctor. content warnings: mentions of kidnappings, torture, child abuse (typical cm case stuff), insecurities, age gap, and haley, jealous!aaron (hb is DOWN BAD), he kind of acts like a prick in the middle of this? but it’s v brief and he apologizes!! hints of autistic!spence, angst if u squint but mostly fluff, miscommunication, technically idiots to lovers but hotch is the only idiot <3 word count: 5.1k (this was NOT supposed to be this long omfg) a/n: this was inspired by a dream i had where i was besties w reid and everyone thought i liked him until i had to blurt out that i was into older men… enjoy!!

If looks could kill, Aaron was sure Spencer would be dead by now.

It was contradicting, in a way. How he thought of Spencer like the son that had come before his actual son, yet he was staring at him like a predator stalking their next victim.

You were standing next to the young genius, shoulders brushing against shoulders as you went back and forth with the geographical profile the two of you had been assigned to work on, something Aaron was really regretting having done.

The team had been called in to assist with a case in Portland, Maine, involving an abductor-type unsub. One who would stalk his victims and learn their routines before kidnapping them, torturing them for two to three days before disposing of them in forests and parks all throughout the city.

You and Reid were both tied when it came to your skills with geographical profiles, one of the many things that had blossomed your relationship with him. But with the way the unsub was beginning to rapidly devolve, the rush to develop said profile and figure out his next move had forced Aaron to assign you two together.

Deep down he knew that it had to be done for the sake of the case and all its victims, and that it was the best decision to make as leader of the team.

But, still, he couldn’t help the jealousy that was bubbling from within him, his gaze completely focused on the way you giggled and smiled, endeared, while watching Reid struggle to tape the map one of the sheriffs had supplied you with to a spare whiteboard in the office the team had been given to work in.

He hadn’t even noticed when JJ walked up to him, the blonde hair and white button up she was wearing apparently not enough to break him out of his trance until—

“Hotch.”

Aaron snaps his head towards her, blinking in bewilderment, “Sorry, what?”

JJ stares at him with a look of both concern and amusement, a smile tugging at her lips. Her hand is raised expectantly and her eyes flicker towards the case file in his hands.

He looks down at it, brows furrowing when he finally sees the death grip he was holding the paper with. It’s slightly crumpled from where his thumb had rested, the pages wrinkled.

He clears his throat, trying to soothe out the file as subtly and smoothly as he can before handing it to JJ, “Sorry,” he grumbled.

The blonde chuckles softly, taking it from him and doing her own best to bend it back into place. She begins to flip through the pages, though she can’t help but follow Aaron’s gaze back to you and Spencer.

You had finally gotten up to help him in taping up the map, taking it from his hands and effortlessly doing so before turning around and giving him a cheeky smile.

JJ turns her attention back to him, biting back a smug smile when she sees her boss practically glaring daggers at the two of you, “I assume you’re trying to figure them out, too?” She asks, looking down at the file.

Aaron blinks, this time slowly turning his head to gaze down at her, “What do you mean?”

Her eyes widen at the realization of what she just had insinuated about her co-workers to her boss. She shrugs coolly, trying to play it off, “Nothing. They’re just really close is all,” she gives him a tight-lipped smile before quickly walking away, leaving Aaron more confused than before.

He feels his fingers twitch by his side when he glances back at you. It’s cheesy, the way his heart skips a beat when you tuck the strands of hair that had made itself to the front of your face behind your ears. His hardened features soften at the sight of you laughing at something Reid’s said, something he’s sure only the two of you understand.

Aaron’s not sure what it was that had gotten him to stick out for you like a sore thumb or how his sudden infatuation with watching and admiring you and your every move had happened.

All he could recall was that it happened, and it had happened too fast for him to begin realizing how you had begun to overcome his every thought and consume him with feelings he hadn’t felt since Haley’s passing and his marriage with her.

A part of him had told himself that he wasn’t to blame; not only were you one of the best agents he had ever worked with, but you were the loveliest and wholesome of humans.

You had your rough days, everyone on the team understandably did, yet you never failed to meet people with kindness and patience, something else that Aaron wasn’t used to receiving when it came to his co-workers. And, as much as they loved him and he loved them, even his team members were prone to calling him ‘cold’ and ‘stoic.’

While you, on the other hand would always meet him with fond, bright smiles and greetings, never once avoiding his gaze or running the opposite direction as to ‘not get in his way’ like others did.

You were like the sun peeking out of the clouds after a dark and tremendous storm, shining on him with such warmth.

So, in the end, he couldn’t really help himself from falling for you. Or for even feeling childishly jealous when you were shining your warmth onto others.

Especially with someone who apparently the rest of the team suspected you of dating.

Perhaps he couldn’t blame Spencer for falling for you, too.

Everyone meant well, and Aaron knew he was also victim to cutting him off when the boy rambled, but you were the only one who truly listened to him. Who would interrupt him gently during urgent matters and let him continue after they were solved, and never made him feel inadequate.

He doesn’t know how he hadn’t seen it before now that JJ has mentioned it—too blindsided with his own feelings for you—but he begins to wonder, though, if there actually is something more between the two of you.

He likes to think that he begins playing close attention to your mannerism, body language, and shared interactions the two of you have throughout the entirety of the case because he has to. Now that it's been brought to his attention that two of his subordinates might be in a relationship, it's his job as Unit Chief to keep tabs.

So, he watches, when the whole team is sitting in the rectangular table, debriefing with one another and sharing ideas all whilst munching on take out food.

"So, we obviously know that the significance of the victim's being dumped in nature spots is important to this guy," Morgan explains, motioning his hand around the air as he goes on, "but could it be that he kidnaps and keeps his victims in similar spots, just somewhere more secluded?"

"Spencer and I were thinking that that could be a possibility," you say, stealing a fry off of said boy's take out plate, "Maybe he doesn't live in these same places, but he could be taking them to a hidden spot somewhere in the forests, something possibly hidden by debris, wood, or anything makeshift."

Spencer doesn't even blink as you continue to steal more neglected food off his plate, continuing to sort through pictures. Aaron could see Emily and Derek give each other a knowing, smug look through his peripheral.

He manages to swallow, the tip of his middle finger and thumb tapping against one another, "What else have you two come up with regarding the geographical profile?"

"Well, besides where he himself could be living or where he could keep his victims, the whole profile is scattered," Spencer answers this time, sliding the plate towards you as he sets down a picture of each victim with the name of the forests and parks they were found in written underneath. "The first two victims were dumped in a forest, the third in a park, and the fourth in another forest.."

As he goes on, you take advantage to continue eating, the way in which he had just let you eat off his plate despite his known phobia of germs not going unnoticed by everyone else.

If that one wasn't a sign, Aaron didn't know what else was.

*

With the geographical profile being all over the place, Aaron decides on pulling you away from the task the following day, instead pairing you up with him to check out the crime scene of the most recent victim.

He doesn't know if it's the leader in him doing so, pulling you away from your original project he had tasked you to do, or if it's just the mix of both curiosity and jealousy that continues to gnaw at him.

He was a grown man, for Christ's sake. Yet he couldn't help the way his heart churned when you hold his hand for a second longer than necessary after he helps you climb up the small, but frosty hill.

"Thanks," you mumble sweetly, your shoulders brushing against him as you walk past him and towards the await detectives.

Aaron trails behind you, trying to calm his beating heart as the lead detective on the case walks you both towards the victim's body.

"This is the second victim that's been dumped in a park," you start, squatting down to inspect the cuts and bruises on the woman's face. "These sites are obviously more public than the forests, yet he still leaves them in more secluded spots, away from general view."

"Well, we ruled out that he can't feel any remorse or sympathy," Aaron adds while he looks around the now closed off park. "He holds and tortures these women for hours."

You stand from your spot, placing your hands on your hips as you look around the park. Aaron recognizes the face you make as your 'thinking' face, your eyes squinted and your nose scrunched.

"What is it?" He asks, trying to meet your wandering gaze.

“Reid and I were talking about the possibility of the unsub dumping his victims in the same places where half—if not all—of his childhood abuse took place,” you miss the way his breath hitches in his throat and the way his shoulders sag slightly, continuing. “We know that he has to be a local here from Portland—probably raised around these same areas—and that he was abused severely as a child.”

Aaron tries his best to nod as nonchalantly as possible, “Something from his childhood obviously triggered him for him to start abducting and inflict the same pain on the victims before leaving them in similar places where he could have been left as a child after being abused.”

“Exactly,” you say, crossing your arms over your chest. “We were theorizing around that idea for a while but weren’t too sure if the abuse could play such a huge part on his M.O.”

At the mentions of you and Reid again, Aaron couldn’t help but feel like an idiot.

Not only was he a grown man, but he was also your boss. And you were his subordinate, someone he should never had feelings for in the first place and someone he shouldn’t be feeling possessive over as if anything was to truly ever happen between you.

At first he had thought that Spencer wasn’t to blame for having the same feelings Aaron so strongly harbored for you. But, maybe, you weren’t the one to blame.

For falling for someone more your age, for someone you worked and paired so well with, for someone nobody else made such a grand effort to understand the way you did.

Not only was he a grown man and your boss, but he was also double your age, a single father, and a widower.

Swallowing harshly, he pulls out his phone from his suit’s inner pocket, “I’ll have Garcia check out any reported speculations of childhood abuse in these areas and see if she can narrow down our list,” He turns, using his height to his advantage and speeding off, leaving you completely behind.

You frown, rushing to catch up to him. You halt when you come to the same frosty hill he had helped you climb up and open your mouth to call for his help, but close it back up when you see he’s already made it back to the SUV and is climbing inside.

When you finally climb inside the car after successfully managing to climb down the hill without busting your ass, he’s talking with Garcia.

You wait patiently as he drives, the phone on speaker as he gives out quick orders that your friend rushes to catch up with. You try to take the chance of speaking up once he hangs up with her, but he’s quickly dialing for Rossi afterwards.

You’re quiet throughout the ride back to the precinct, the sudden change in mood too heavy for you to gather the courage to make any sort of conversation. Once parked in front of the building, he gets out right away, slamming the door while you’re barely unblocking your seatbelt.

You make a beeline to the conference room where you find Reid, no longer paying any mind on trying to find Aaron any longer.

Spencer jumps when you hurriedly slam the door behind you, eyes filling with worry when you lean against the wood and stare at the floor pensively, “You okay?” he asks.

“Fine,” you mumble, pushing yourself off the door and taking a seat across from him. “I just got back from the latest crime scene with Hotch and he started acting so weird after I told him about our theory of the unsub’s dumping pattern.”

“Weird how?”

You move to speak, but hesitate when you realize that going into detail about how cold your boss suddenly acted towards you after being used to receiving such kind—some might say preferable—treatment would make your friend speculate things he, of all people, did not need to speculate.

You shake your head, “Nothing. He’s probably just stressed or tired,” you drop your forehead onto the table’s cold wood, your arms stretched out in front of you. “I know I am.”

A beat of silence passes before you hear a creak and the feeling of a finger press against your index. You bite back a laugh, looking up to find Spencer leaning forward in his own seat to do a ‘finger touch,’ something you had come up with for him after realizing how persistent his germophobia was, even with the people he loved the most.

You smile at him, leaning your head on one of your forearms and pressing your finger into his.

From outside the glass-windowed office, Aaron watches you both, a solemn look on his face.

*

The case is finally closed once you and Spencer’s theory is proven right, the unsub securely put away and the green light to go home given at last. But with the late night icy weather too dangerous for the jet to take off, Aaron orders for everyone to instead turn in for the night at the hotel and head out first thing tomorrow morning instead.

He gives a silent thanks to no one in particular when he finds out it's his turn to have a room all for himself, the rotation always being cheated by Dave, Derek, or Emily that he always forgets who's next.

Shockingly enough, he's ready to turn in for the night, not even sparing an extra glance to any of the files he had brought with him as he prepares for bed. He's just about to sit down when a knock comes from behind his door, echoing throughout his room.

He lets out a quiet groan but stands nonetheless, rubbing tiredly at his face before swinging the door open. His first instinct is to snap at whoever's behind, but that's before his eyes cast over you.

You're fiddling with your fingers, dressed in your pajamas that consists of an off-the-shoulder shirt that dips low enough to show off your collarbone and the very top of your chest, your bra strap in the middle.

And, despite the chilly weather outside, you were wearing shorts. A pair of cotton shorts that peek out from underneath the shirt you were wearing and leave little to the imagination—more so, Aaron’s imagination.

Truth be told, he's seen you in a lot less. Your usual team outing outfits consisted of tank tops, baby tees, shorts, and slightly more revealing clothes.

But this, seeing you in what you would normally sleep in, sends him into a completely different spiral.

You cringe and immediately panic at the thought of having woken him up, "Sorry, were you already asleep?" you ask, taking a tentative step back.

Aaron blinks and clears his throat, the pads of his thumb and middle finger once again tapping against one another, "No," He lies. "I was barely getting ready."

Your shoulders drop and the panic dissipates as a small smile replaces it, “Oh, okay,” you bring your hands behind your back, rocking on your heels, “I just wanted to talk to you. If that’s alright?”

Aaron’s brows furrow though he immediately steps to the side to allow you in, a soft ‘of course’ following.

He takes in the way you hesitantly step in, back facing him and arms still intertwined behind your back.

You’re being respectful, probably hoping that you’re not overstepping with whatever it is that you want to talk about. And though you always are, he can’t tell if you’re nervous, worried, or filled with insomnia that you just couldn’t sleep.

“Is everything alright?” He finally asks when you don’t make a move to sit down anywhere, his hands slightly ajar to his side like he’s ready to reach out and touch you.

God, how he wishes he could touch you.

You clear your throat and turn around, “Actually, I was just coming to ask you the same thing,”

The harsh lines on Aaron’s face deepen when you take a seat on the edge of the bed, glancing beside you as a signal for him to join you.

He swallows as he does so, careful not to sit too close and award you space. His eyes flicker back up at you when he hears your breath hitch.

Seconds of silence pass before you shuffle closer to him, bringing your body forward so that you were staring at him directly.

“Are you… feeling okay?”

Aaron freezes, his movements completely stilling at your question. His mind begins to race with all the possibilities of what could have brought on your question when it clicks.

How he had concurred that you and him were completely different and could never be a possibility, and how he immediately decided that acting cold towards you would shun out the feelings he’s felt for so long now.

Another clear of his throat, he replies, “I’m fine.”

You raise a brow at him, giving him a look that shows that you know he’s not telling the truth.

“Are you sure?” you ask again, this time more firmly. “I don’t mean to overstep, but you’ve been acting rather…strange ever since you and I got back from the fifth victim’s crime scene.”

Aaron cringes at how your expression turns into a sad one, quickly masking it with one of concern afterwards.

He sighs. He supposes that if there’s a possibility that you and Spencer are dating, now’s the time to ask you about it.

He makes a show of staring directly at you in the same way he does when he’s in his ‘boss mode,’ trying to study your face before he asks the question, “Is there something I should know about you and Spencer?”

That wasn’t what you were expecting.

You’re taken aback, quite literally flinching as if you had been struck. It takes you a few seconds to take in what he’s just asked you, and you shake your head almost as if it wasn’t real.

“I’m sorry?”

The desperation gnaws at him once more, and he’s not sure which side of him wants to find out the answer.

“Are you and Spencer dating?” he asks again, voice somehow unwaveringly calm as he punctuates each word clearly.

Your mouth opens in shock, letting out a sound that’s half a scoff half a broken laugh. You look around the room in utter bewilderment.

“What correlation does my relationship with Spencer have with what I asked you?” You can’t tell if you’re angry or just confused, but you stand from the bed and stare down at him.

Aaron follows your lead, “I never noticed it before until the rest of the team pointed it out, but you two are close. Close in such a way that—” He swallows, “—as your boss, I have to ask.”

Before the rest of the team pointed it out. Of course.

You fully scoff this time, “As my boss, you should know that Spencer and I have always been close,” you concur.

“Then why can’t you look at me?”

Despite your heart hammering in your chest, you force yourself to look at him, “Excuse me?”

“You’re not looking at me, you’re getting defensive, and you’re practically avoiding the question,” he says, his own gaze practically boring into you.

“Hotch—”

“You’re deflecting by saying that I should know that you two have always been close, and while I do know that, you’re still not answering my question.”

It feels cruel of him to press you for answers like this, knowing that there was an easier way to do it.

“Reid and I are not dating!” you do your best to not shout it at him in fears of waking the rest of the team up, fists balled at your sides.

“Then why are you so nervous?” he asks, taking a step closer to you. “Why can’t you still look at me?”

“Because it’s you that I like!”

You slap your hands over your mouth immediately and the room falls silent.

Aaron blinks. Once, twice, three times.

You liked him?

You lower your hands, nervously brushing your hair behind your ears as you look around the room in a state of panic, “I-I’m just going to go,” you mumble and immediately rush towards the door.

Aaron stands the for a second, too frozen to do or say anything before his own panic settles in brazenly. His body moves before he has time to register what he's doing and what he'll do when he reaches you.

He wraps an arm around your forearm just as you open the door, halting you from stepping outside, "Y/N, wait,"

"Hotch, please," you're quick to try and release yourself from his grasp, yanking your arm towards yourself in what results as a poor attempt. "Just ignore what I said."

"I can't do that," he dips his head to try and get you to look at him but you simply avoid your gaze even more than your originally had, your cheeks flushed.

"Hotch, let me go!" you whisper-shout, once more fighting his grip. “I’m already embarrassed enough, I don’t need you chastising me anymore.”

“I’m not chastising you, Y/N,” Aaron’s sure he sounds as desperate as you probably feel, but he can’t find it in himself to let you go and ruin his one chance of bringing his feelings to the light. Even if it went against everything he had been telling himself earlier that week.

“Do you not think it’s possible for me to feel the same way?”

Your head snaps towards him, your movements suddenly rigid at his question, “W-What?”

You’re sure that, if your heart hadn’t raptured beforehand, it certainly will now.

Aaron takes you letting your guard down as the chance to bring a hand to your waist and pull you back into the room, shutting the door and thanking that nobody else from the team had emerged from the commotion.

“What do you mean by that?” you’re quick to ask, staring up at him with curious, yet hopeful eyes.

He lowers his head as to avoid your gaze this time, letting out a deep breath. Everything he wanted to do now went against everything he had told himself the day before, when he ridiculed himself for ever thinking that you would like someone such as him or that something could ever happen between you two.

“Hotch,” your voice is firm and you allow yourself to take a step closer to him. You need him to look at you, to give you some sort of clue that he didn’t just say what he said to play you, to get you to re-enter the room just so he could profile you even more. “What do you mean by that?”

Repeating your question doesn’t help him and it certainly doesn’t help the way his heart hammers in his chest, a sound so loud that he’s sure you can hear it from how close you’re standing.

“You like me?” you whisper, dipping your head to try and meet his eyes. How ironic that just a couple of seconds ago you were trying to avoid it.

Aaron shrugs, finally looking up, “How could I not?”

His boyish, yet vulnerable expression makes your breath hitch.

“I said that I had to know if there was something between you and Reid as your boss, but it was just because I was jealous,” he shakes his head, trying his best to suppress an all but amused smile. “It was immature of me, really.”

You shake your head, trying to collect both your own thoughts and everything he was telling you. He had been jealous?

“So, is that you acted that way after I told you about our theory in the park?”

The way in which he left you behind in both the park and in the parking lot of the precinct hits him like a brick, cringing at his actions, "I realized then, when you were talking about what you had both come up with, how compatible you two are. How it would make more sense for you to like someone more suited for you. I'm sorry for how I acted,"

Your heart breaks at hearing his confession, of how he, the same man you practically fell head over heels for after your first meeting, could think that he was unworthy of your attention. If you were being honest, you hadn't been hurt by the way he had acted earlier in the day, only confused as to why.

"Hotch--" you stop yourself. You take another step closer, closing the space between the both of you more and more. "Aaron,"

He snaps his head up at your usage of his first name, the way you said it so gently and naturally getting all his attention.

"I've liked you ever since I first met you," you confess. "I'll admit I was too intimidated by you to fully register what I was feeling, but the more I got to know you, the harder I began to fall. And I fell really hard," you let out a laugh, trying to ignore just how much you were putting on the line right now and how self-conscious you felt with his eyes boring into you.

"You've been with the BAU for three years," Aaron's voice is barely above a breathless murmur and he's sure you wouldn't have heard it if you weren't standing so close. "That's how long you've liked me for?"

You nod, lips pursed, "I never said anything because I thought you would never see me that way, let alone reciprocate my feelings. If I'm telling the truth, I wouldn't have said anything if it weren't for you pressing me into telling you that I was dating Reid."

Aaron smirks despite the warmth he feels on his cheeks, shrugging his shoulders and letting out a soft laugh, "Well, then I'm glad I ended up asking. Who knows how many more years we would've gone like this if I hadn't."

You both laugh, subconsciously curling towards each other when you both double over and bring yourselves even closer than before.

You stare up at him with a warm expression before casting your eyes downwards. You lift your hand to linger above his, the pads of your fingers brushing against the hairs on the back of his palm, "So, what happens now?"

Without breaking eye contact, he takes your hand in his while the other reaches for your waist once more. You let out a small yelp when he pulls you even closer, your bodies now touching and radiating the warmth you both thought you’d never be able to feel from one another.

The next few seconds are filled with bliss when he lowers his head to press his lips against yours. You’re immediately weak, letting go off his hand to place both on his shoulders as to support yourself.

The other now free hand of his comes to rest on your other hip, fingers digging into the fabric of your shorts ever so possessively. A whimper escapes from your mouth and Aaron takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss, doing so with so much fervor and passion that it leaves you feeling dizzy even with your eyes closed.

Aaron is relentless even after you pull away to catch your breath, the act of kissing you now something he’s inevitably hooked on. He presses kisses all over your face, from your cheek to your chin to your jaw, then all the way down to your neck.

“You know,” you cough out, flushed from the attention, “I told you how long I’ve liked you, but you didn’t tell me how long you’ve liked me.”

Aaron smiles into your skin, immediately recalling when he first realized his own feelings for you. He lifts his head to press a sweet kiss to your lips, eliciting a hum from you.

“I can tell you all the details over either a nice dinner tomorrow evening after we land,” he says, another kiss to your lips. He turns your bodies around so that his back was to bed, the mattress dipping under his weight when he sits. “Or you can spend the night here and we can stay up all night talking about it.”

His voice is sultry, and the way in which he grabs at your hips to get you to straddle him makes you flush.

“Are you already trying to seduce me?” you ask, mock offense in your tone though you happily take your guided seat on his lap, both knees on each side of his thighs.

Aaron hums this time, brushing your hair back to begin kissing at your neck again, “Can you blame me?”

He already knows your answer, he’s sure. He knows you can’t, because he can’t, either.

[ghoulie-67-baby]

Good for nothing- BAU team.

Summary: On a case, you run into a figure from your past that you harbour a lot of anger about. It’s about time you unleash it.

Warnings: Vulgar language, Bad breakup, toxic relationship, cheating (main theme), descriptive language about being caught cheating, manipulation and mentions of controlling, abusive relationship.

Pairing: BAU team x fem!reader (platonic).

Word count: 1,543.

"Y/N?" Ice ran through my veins as the disgustingly familiar voice filled my ears. My fingers hesitated from where I had been rearranging pictures on our board, twitching in annoyance. I could feel the eyes of my team on me as they waited for me to answer the voice.

"Adam," I shot out through gritted teeth. Of course, it was just my luck my ex-fiancé would turn up when we were on a case.

"What're you doing here?" I took a breath, composing my face before turning towards him with a blank stare. Why the fuck did he think I was here? Was there a circus in town? If so god knows he'd fit in seamlessly.

"I'm working," I bit back the urge to add 'obviously' to the end of my statement. "This is my team, my job." He looked slightly lost as his eyes flitted around the room, unsure of the many eyes flickering between us.

"Oh, I see. Well, I guess I'll speak with you later." He attempted a smile but it looked more like a grimace, spinning on his heels and practically running to the exit.

"Like hell, you will," I muttered under my breath, suppressing a shudder of disgust as I watched him scamper away. I switched my attention back to the room, a few looks of amusement being thrown my way.

"So, Adam?" JJ's voice was playful and teasing but I fake gagged, imitating throwing up so she got the gist of my emotion towards the cop. "Oh, no Adam huh?"

"Not unless you want your heart ripped out and stomped in the mud honey, no Adam." I spat, the name feeling dirty in my mouth, before returning to my work.

A couple of days had passed since Adam had made his presence known and we had managed to close the case, catch the unsub and deliver the victims back to their families safely, but I couldn't get rid of the itch of annoyance in the pit of my stomach. Realistically I knew it was because when I broke up with him I had left without a word and never dealt with the shit he'd put me through and now I was presented with the opportunity to blow up and let it out.

We were back in the precinct packing up all of the evidence and case notes before we left, collecting what we needed before the trip back to Quantico when he surfaced again, lingering in the doorway like a bad smell. I finally noticed him when he cleared his throat and shuffled into the room.

"Y/N, are you free for that talk now?" I bit back a grin at his audacity and straightened up from the table, glancing his way momentarily before my eyes met Rossi's who shrugged and helped Hotch with files.

"Nope." I popped the P, smiling at him sweetly.

"This is the least you could do Y/N, seriously." The hair on the back of my neck stood as I clenched my fits, nails digging into my palms. "You're the one that left remember." I let out a shaky breath, closing my eyes for a moment as I took in his words. I should've known this was the road he would take. It always was my fault. It didn't matter how big or how small, he never did anything wrong and damaged me enough for me to still hold bad habits from it to this day like apologising for everything and finding fault in every minute of my existence.

"The least I could do?" I seethed, back straightening and eyes staring daggers into him as the tension in the room became suffocating. The air became still as my team stopped in their tracks, wary of how I was reacting. "The least I could do."

"Yeah, that's what I said," his voice shook slightly but he pushed his shoulders back challenging me and staring at me down his nose.

"Of course," I spoke with a sickly sweet voice, "what is it you want to say, Adam?" I smiled at him, coating my anger in sugar as he nodded like he was entitled to this.

"You up and left. The month before our wedding. You broke my heart and I think I deserve an explanation, a reason." He feigned his sadness, eyes sparkling with something twisted as my team stared at me in shock.

"I broke your heart?" I questioned, still sweet enough to cause him some cavities. "Oh, I do apologise. I didn't think it would hurt you that much, you poor thing." The sarcasm practically dripped from my mouth, my eyes portraying fake sympathy as I leant on the edge of the table, close to where Spencer practically gawped at the shit going down. "Tell me Adam, did I break your heart when I cancelled the wedding, or when I took all my stuff whilst you were at work the following day or when I keyed your car. Did that hurt?"

"Yes it hurt, we were supposed to be together forever. You and me against the world and you shrugged it off like I meant nothing." I looked around the room, met with amusement from Derek, shock from JJ, Spencer and Emily and indifference from Aaron and David but I let their emotions spur me on.

"Maybe you could have remembered that when I found you in our home, in our bed, balls deep in some other wining bitch whilst I had just picked out our flowers and cake for our wedding because you said you were working a long shift. Maybe you could have remembered that when I gave you a second chance after the first time I found a girl with your cock buried down her throat on our sofa or maybe that was just me overreacting right. Maybe I should have stayed and lived out a miserable good-for-nothing husband who would rather fuck some random whore that his own wife." My voice had risen in volume as I ranted out angrily, aware of how Derek's amusement had fallen and instead, he had stepped closer to me as if trying to provide comfort and protection. Hyper aware of how tense my team had become as if all wound up to spring into action if I flew at the asshole before me. But the one thing I was most aware of was the way his facade had dripped and instead of the poor little man with the sad story he had become the controlling, self-serving ass I unfortunately knew too well.

"You wouldn't have come home to that if you did your duty as a girlfriend properly, not my fault you never fully satisfied anyone." I held back my flinch as the sting from his word spread through my chest. "I'll bet you don't sleep at night."

"You think you have that big of an impact on my life?" I laughed, packing away long forgotten. "You think I can't function now just because you decided I wasn't enough for you?" My smile was sour and wicked, amusement getting the better of me. "Let me tell you something sweetheart, I couldn't give less of a shit about you anymore if I tried. Yeah, it hurt, fuck me it felt like hell knowing I wasn't enough but then I realised that I had the world at my fingertips and boy did that feel good. I didn't dwell on little old you for long Adam, I went out and made the world my bitch. My only regret is I didn't cut off your dick and feed it to you for being a snivelling, conniving cunt that thinks so lowly of women and poisons any he gets close to. So, was that explanation enough for you?" I asked with a smile, ignoring the way my heart pounded my ribcage and my stomach bubbled.

"Fuck you, you whore." Adam ground out, finally realising he wasn't going to win this competition and I wasn't going to bow to him and cower with fear of disappointing him. With a red face and neck, hands shaking with anger he span around and stormed away.

"You wish!" I yelled after him, a satisfied smile on my face as he slammed the door. Taking a deep shuddering breath, I collected myself, rolling my shoulders and pulling at my shirt sleeves before facing my team with a calm smile.

"That was kinda hot." I burst out in laughter as Emily blurted out, the tension melting away from me. A few laughs made their rounds in the room and I took a seat, knees shaking as the adrenaline faded from my body.

"But seriously, why didn't you say anything? If I'd have known he worked here then I would've found a way for you to work away from him." Hotch questioned, concern in his eyes.

"Honestly, I didn't know, he must've moved towns." I shrugged, "But in fairness, it felt good getting that out of my system. God knows I've waited long enough."

"On a serious note, I think we should let you get pissed off more often." Emily continued with a grin, winking at me suggestively.

"Yeah, I second that." Derek laughed, pulling me into a side hug, his warmth settling my thundering heartbeat.

[cosmicmunsonwrites]

can you do something with anxious reader who is just always overthinking everything and bf jj comfort her

looking out for you

pairing(s): bf!jj maybank x gf!fem!anxious!reader , sarah cameron x fem!reader (platonic)

warnings: overthinking, slight jealousy, pet names, alcohol

summary: after seeing jj with another girl at a kegger, you start to think of all the possibilities.

authors note: thank you so much for the request! this is my first time writing one so i hope it’s good :) i’m kinda excited to write these so please request more!!

not edited

do not copy my works. i do not condone rewrites, translations, or edited versions. all my content is my content that i wrote.

not my gif

“you need another drink, babe?” sarah asked softly, holding out a red solo cup to you. “you feelin’ okay?”

you smiled gratefully and took the cup. “thank you.” she followed your eye line to jj who was across the boneyard talking to a different girl. “i’m okay. just a little out of it, i guess.”

she leaned her head onto your shoulder, frowning at your expression. “i’m sure its nothing to worry about. don’t stress yourself out too much.”

“sarah! come here real quick!” john b called out from by the water.

she looked to you for a moment with a sad look on her face. “i’m sorry, babe. i gotta go make sure he doesn’t fall on his ass with how drunk he is,” she explained. “you’ll be okay though. if you need anything, i’ll be right there and my doors always open.”

a sweet smile spread across your lips. “thank you, honey.” she giggled and took a sip from her drink.

she waved at you as she walked away, headed towards her boyfriend who was drunkenly stumbling around on the water.

your eyes averted back to your boyfriend who was still talking to that same girl. she had perfectly tanned skin and long brown hair. she was definitely athletic, maybe a surfer if you had to guess.

something jj would totally be into.

from the looks of it, he looked like he was really passionate about whatever he was talking about. was he flirting with her?

your mind began to race and your hands were starting to get clammy.

you had met jj at a kegger and that what had started your relationship. was he doing the same with that girl now? did he want to be with her instead of you? were you not interesting anymore?

they’d been talking far too long to just be passing. you took another sip of the cheap beer and threw the cup away, beginning the walk to the chateau to try and take your mind off things.

————

jj laid behind you on the couch, his chest against your back and your butt flush to his pelvis. a blanket draped over the two of you, the blonde having mischievously turned the temperature in the room down so you’d snuggle up closer to him.

there was a movie playing in front of you, one that you weren’t even paying attention to, too focused on what you’d seen earlier and what it could’ve meant.

his head was propped up on his hand that rested against the arm rest so he could watch while the other twirled your hair between his fingers absentmindedly.

suddenly, a new thought popped into your head.

were you too close to him? maybe you were starting to make him feel suffocated. or maybe your weight was leaning too much on him? did he even want to lay with you like this?

you scooted forward slightly, your body no longer pressed against him. he groaned and placed a gentle hand on your hip. “where’d you go, baby?”

you just shrugged and held onto the blanket tighter. he reached around you to grab the remote and pause it. “whats wrong?” he asked, looking at you with his brows furrowed in confusion.

“nothing,” you mumbled quietly.

his hand moved from your hip to gently grab your chin and turn your head towards him. “tell me what’s wrong, pretty girl.”

you shifted uncomfortably. “who was the girl you were talking to earlier?”

he smiled and kissed your neck softly. “just some random girl.”

that didn’t help at all. “what?”

“some girl tried flirting with me,” he said.

you began to get in your head. “you were talking to her for a while. seemed like you were really into her.”

he kissed along your neck again. “baby, i was talking about you. i told her i had a girlfriend then she started saying all this shit so i started bragging on and on about you before i walked away.” you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your lips before he was pulling you back in. “c’mere.”

you scooted back against him, his lips peppering kisses all over your neck, cheek and jawline. “‘s only you that i want, pretty baby. you’ve got all my attention.”

[mxlti-fand0m-imaginess]

🪷 - fav/least fav ship: give me a fandom - Scream, Criminal Minds, stranger things

Congratulations again 👏🥳

thank you so much!!

scream:

fav ship: billy and stu

they’re so perfect together. i love their dynamic, and how utterly crazy they are when they’re together. i wholeheartedly believe they were together in the movie. i mean just look at how stu looks at billy. they were in love, case in point.

least fav ship: amber and richie

i feel like this needs no explanation, but i shall talk about it anyways. richie is an adult. amber is in high school. even if she’s eighteen, richie is at least five years older than her, if not more. that’s disgusting and disturbing and i hate richie so fucking much. even if amber was already crazy, he still manipulated and groomed her, which is not okay.

criminal minds:

fav ship: jj and will

i love these two together so much. i love how much will helps to ground jj, and their bond is just so precious. i love them together and i will always love them together, they’re just so perfect for each other.

least fav ship: morgan and garcia

okay, so i love these two together, but strictly platonically. they have the best character dynamic in the show, and i love these two together so much, but only as best friends. i don’t really understand why people would ship them romantically, specifically because the basis of their relationship is platonic. they’re definitely my favorite ship friend wise, but just not romantically like at all.

stranger things:

fav ship: steve and eddie

i love steve and eddie together. they have such a unique dynamic and a shared parenthood over the kids, especially dustin. the way they look at each other, the tension between them is there. they would just be so cute together, and if eddie didn’t die, i wholeheartedly believe they would’ve ended up together, with dustin probably being the one to make them realize their feelings for each other.

least fav ship: mike and eleven

i feel like a lot of people will disagree with me on this, but i hate mike and eleven together. in seasons one and two, they were great. it was cute and heartwarming and they just seemed like they fit. but then we have mileven in seasons three and four. the relationship gets hella toxic, and mike is weirdly controlling and possessive. it just doesn’t work at all anymore. i feel like they should’ve stayed broken up after el dumped him in season three, and i think the only reason they were pushed back together is because of the diehard mileven shippers who would’ve went ballistic if they stayed broken up.

[foundfam2754]

Jumping on the bandwagon where people share their reactions to watching CM S17. @darcyfangirlsfrequently, you inspired me with your e1 react. Totally not in order since I did this AFTER binging ep 1 and 2

- this new season is SO GOOD. Better than I was expecting. Like this show has not been this good since season 8 or 9. I’m not just invested in the people and team now, I’m actually invested in the mystery, this is so fantastic

- garvez is more obvious so far I think. I think Erica likes slow burns so that’s what I think this is. They will be together eventually. They have to.

- jealous!Luke is EVERYYTHING. Give me so much more.

- Also am I the only one thinking that the secret Elias told Lukey was either about Penelope or his rangers background?? It’d be the only thing to get him that riled up.

- am I the only one who thinks that they’d be WAY more impactful in their interviews if they called him Lee Duval instead of Elias?? To get him uncomfortable?

- hotch mention!!!!

- I like the Dave hallucinations - think it’s interesting. I like how Elias is still the big bad and still in his head. Dave’s interactions with the bads that haunt him are always so interesting (i.e., Tommy Yates, Everett Lynch)

- JJ and Luke being the boyfriend and best friend hanging out together is giving me life I was yelling so happily at my tv

- one of my theories between s16 and 17 was that Rebecca was shady. she still gives me that vibes. the Al anon comment was also just mean 🙁 poor Tara

- kinda jumping on the Temily train…

- I LOVE LUKE GIVING TYLER ANGRY LOOKS (I mentioned jealous!luke is my favourite did I not??)

- love Tyler man, he’s so funny. BUT STILL A BIG FAT LIAR. AGAIN.

- I kinda like the love triangle between pen, luke and tyler (pls don’t yell at me)

- kinda wish we had Derek wishing Pen a happy birthday. or a mention. Miss that relationship and me some platonic!morvez

-Elias’ point about a conspiracy theorist has me thinking that someone is actually in control of Gold Star… like GS is just the brutal weapon but someone else is manipulating him - and based on interviews I wanna say someone on the inside - (especially considering Luke’s reaction to the “secret”)

AGH this was so good but that’s all —> going to go read s17 garvez react fics now!!

[supercriminalbean]

NO SECRETS WITHOUT LIES

A/N: Okay guys here it is, chapter one of my Aaron Hotchner x Reader series. Reader is gender neutral, uses they/them pronouns but is AFAB. This series is going to contain spoilers from season 6&7. This is going to be based around Emily death, and how Reader and Hotch become close due to her death  and soon start a Dom/sub relationship. But what’s going to happen when Emily returns, how is Hotch and Reader going to get through it all. 

This is series is most likely going to be at least 15 chapters at this point. nothing happens between Aaron and reader until chapter 5 I believe. I will be  posting one chapter ever 7 to 10 days, depending on how much works takes up my life and  if I have time to edit and write a new chapter thank you.

Words: 4.5k

Warnings: Death. Depression. Death. Fake death. Drug addiction. Drugs. Crying. Emotions. Swearing. (If I have missing anything let me know)

 Chapter one:

  Grieving.

It's been four months. Four months without hearing her voice. Four months since you felt her touch. Four months now that she has left you, all alone in this world. Having to continue life all by yourself, without her holding your hand, anymore. Four months ago her body was lowered into the ground, and no one has been the same since.

~~~

Every Morning since Emily's death, you grab a cup of coffee and stop at her grave on the way to work. Making sure that even in death, you always have time for her, not wanting her to be all alone. For the first few weeks it helped you grieve, and then it just became a part of your routine. Her grave became a safe place to go, a place where you can just stop for some peace and quiet. An area to go so you can clear your mind, one that has no distractions within. Emily was your best friend for so many years, you had joined the team a couple months after her. She was so happy to no longer be the newbie, which also meant she understood exactly how you felt. She took you under her wing, showing you everything you needed to know about working in the Bau. You grew even closer with Emily when you two realised you lived in the same apartment building. Arriving to work together and some days you would even crash at each other's places, after having a bit too much to drink. Morgan used to joke that you two were actually dating. You two would always just laugh at him, but he was on the right track. Emily Prentiss is your platonic soulmate, and now you have no one.

~~~

The first 10 weeks after her death. When you went home from work, you would have possibly a couple hours to yourself. Before someone would text you asking for company, normally it would be Reid or Garcia. They needed someone to be there while they grieved for their best friend. It took Morgan awhile before he reached out to you for help, you always had to keep reminding him you were there if he needed to talk. You never told anyone it was because you liked to be distracted from your own pain, because they already knew that. Most nights when Reid texted you it was because he was terrified he would go out and buy Dilaudid. You would go over to his place and stay with him until the morning. Other nights you would get a phone call from Garcia or Morgan saying they were having a nightmare and needed someone. You would go over to see them whenever they needed you, it never matters what time or whatever the reason was. 

~~~

On the weekend, if there was no case, you were normally helping Morgan with renovations for one of his houses. Other times you were having a movie marathon with Reid or Garcia, sometimes both. You hated the idea of them being alone for long times, knowing where their minds can go.

The last couple of weeks, no one seemed to be reaching out. They all seem to be healing without you, and now you’re left alone with nothing but your own thoughts. That's when you started realising a few things about Emily's death, that never seemed to make sense. You first noticed it at the hospital, after JJ had just broken the news to everyone. Hotch didn't seem surprised, he just looked, emptied. At first you thought it was his way of taking in the news. Reid was crying in JJ arms, but when she pulled away, you saw her and Hotch walking into a room alone. You never thought anything of it at first, your heart having just been crushed. Feeling as if the tears were never going to stop, like your heart could never be whole again. Rossi was holding you closely as you broke apart in his arms, you knew he was crying as well, but he was trying his hardest to be strong for you. There have now been a few times since then, that you have noticed looks between Hotch and JJ. Even catching them whispering together, it always seemed tense and sective. Feeling as if they are hiding something, especially JJ. She was only around for a week after Emily died and then she was away all the time. She tried to say it was for work, but the first time she left, it felt like she was hiding something. A couple weeks ago, during a case the unsub we were hunting had faked his death. When Reid had announced it to the team, Hotch only seemed to tenses up a lot. It took you a week after that to put it all together. 

Emily Prentiss is alive, and JJ and Hotch knows. 

~~~

The team has just gotten back from a difficult long case. Still down a profiler and Hotch and Garcia trying their best to cover the communications liaison position together. Once the team is finally able to go home. You manage to have a shower, before your phone starts ringing. Only picking it up after seeing its Reid.

“Hey Spence, is everything okay?” Answering the phone quickly.

“(Y/n)” Spencer's cry seeps through the phone. Panic suddenly floods through your body, knowing this isn't like him, something’s wrong. 

“Reid, are you okay, where are you?” Gulping thickly as you fear for his answer.

“Home..  I bought, I bought Dilaudid” His voice cuts into your heart, hearing as he stutters through his tears. 

“Have you taken it?” Jumping to your feet as you grab your keys. 

“No.. but I want to please help me” His words are close to making you break, wishing you could just take away his pain. 

“Okay I'm on my way I'll be there in 10 minutes alright, just hold on okay?” Begging him as you pull on your shoes. 

“Okay” Is all you hear as the line goes dead. Running out the door fast, forgetting to even lock your apartment.

~~~

You manage to get to his place in under 5 minutes, breaking every road code there is. Running into his apartment building and climbing the stairs two at a time. Fiddling with the key he gave you a couple months ago, trying to unlock his door as quickly as you can. Rushing into his apartment, you could hear his heavy shaking breathing coming from the bathroom. You slow yourself down, taking a calm breath before approaching, not wanting to startle him.

“Spencer, I'm here” Calling out to him as you walk towards the bathroom. Spotting him on the ground leaning against the sink. A small bottle of dilaudid beside him, a package of needles thrown across the room. You reach him, getting down on your knees in front of him. His arms covering his face, his body shaking as he cries. The noises he makes pierce sharply into your heart. He doesn't deserve to be in this pain. 

“Hey.. Spence I'm here, I'm right here” Your whisper is full of care and concern. Gently you move his arms out of his face, letting them rest down by his side. Now you're able to see his face, that's pale and stained with tears. Looking completely broken and lost, as he tries to look at you.

“Im sorry, Im so weak Im sorry” He cries out, you pull him into your arms, holding him firmly against you.

“It's okay, I got you spence, you're safe now, I'm here I got you” you whisper softly, as he cries on your shoulder. Rubbing his back comfortingly repeating those words as he calms down.

~~~

Reid slowly calms down, listening to your heart beat. His eyes closed, feeling safe in your arms. Gradually he pulls away, looking up at you, noticing the worry and concern in your eyes. 

“I'm sorry (Y/n) I don't want you to see me like this” His voice breaking, sounding raw due to the crying.

“Spencer, I want you to reach out to me when you're like this okay, I’m here so I can help you okay? I'm never going to stop caring for you, okay?” Trying to keep your tone, calm and light, not needing to overwhelm him. You felt so terrified at that moment that he was going to take the drugs before you could get there. Scared that at any moment he could stop reaching out when he really needs you.

“I want to get better, I just don't know how” The hopelessness in his voice cuts straight to your heart. You wish you could tell him the truth about Emily, but you can’t, not yet. Not until you could get Hotch to confirm it. You can not risk getting his hopes up just to get crushed again.

“Let's get you some help, maybe it's time you go back to your AA meetings, I can come with you if you like”

“You're right, I'll start back next week” He sending you a weak, but meaningful smile. You stand up, offering out a hand to help pull him up to his feet.

“Why don't you clean yourself up, and I'll make us some dinner, then we can watch Doctor Who, yeah?” Smiling softly, watching him carefully as he nods walking out, towards his room. You grab the needles and the bottle of dilaudid, shoving them into the bottom of your handbag before heading to the kitchen.

~~~

Reid has a long shower, as you pull out a frozen pizza, placing it in the oven. You've been at his place a lot in the last few months and you know where everything is in his apartment. You're sitting on the couch, with the pizza, getting ready to push play for Doctor Who. As Reid walks out in his pyjamas, sitting down beside you looking more relaxed, more like himself. He takes a piece of pizza as he settles down, stealing the remote from you. Laughing as he puts his favourite episode on. 

“Good pizza” He manages to get out, though his mouth is full.

“That's gross Spencer dont eat with your mouthful” Laughing, shaking your head, at his changes of moods. He turns around to face you chewing with his mouth open grinning, knowing it annoys you. Rolling your eyes at him smacking his arm playfully. He settles down as the episode starts playing. You manage to get two episodes in when you start falling asleep during the last part of the episode. When It ends he turns it off, bringing you a pillow and pulling a blanket over you. As you fall asleep,last thing you hear is 

“Thank you (Y/N), I couldn't make it without you”

~~~

You could barely get any sleep that night, waking up every half an hour. Having decided to give up on the idea of more sleep, as you watch the sunrise. Your mind seems to be running with the idea of Emily still being alive and how today, you’re going to demand Hotch gives you the truth. After last night, you need to know the truth, then you will be able to tell Reid. The way he is going is terrifying and the idea of losing another friend is something you're not able to take anymore. Grabbing your bag quietly as you walk out, not wanting to disturb Spencer as he needs his rest. Getting into your car, with the intent to get coffee before going to visit the empty gravesite of Emily Prentist. Needing a safe place where you can think clearly about what you're going to do. You really want to just strom into Hotch’s apartment and scream at him. But you know you can't do that, needing to be calm and think logically, especially if Jack is there. As you're driving to the coffee shop, there's some road work, making you get redirected. Sighing frustratedly as you're forced to take the long way. Driving down the road when you notice you're about to drive past Hotch’s apartment building. 

“For fuck sake!” Screaming loudly as you slam your foot on the brake, hand pressing hard on the horn. Due to the fact a car had just pulled out in front of you cutting you completely off. The anger in your body has just tripled, as you pull into that car park. Slamming the car door behind you as you storm your way up to Hotch's apartment. Feeling the anger flowing freely through your veins, trying to take deep breaths to control the anger. Surprisingly, it doesn’t do anything to help.

~~~

Your hand bangs loudly against his door, your mind thundering with anger as you wait for him to answer. You weren’t going to leave here without the truth, no matter what happens.

Standing there for a few moments tapping your foot hoping it will calm you down as you run out of patients. Lifting your hand about to knock again, only to have to lower it when you hear the door starting to unlock. Huffing angrily as Hotch finally opens the door, looking at you in surprise and concerned.

“(Y/L) it's 6:30 what are you doing here?” Hotch voice full of concern, stepping back to let you in. 

“I am so angry, Hotch, I am so pissed off at you, you think you could do this to us?” You take a deep breath. Trying to keep your voice steady, but it raises with every word as you walk in. Hotch narrows his eyes, closing the door.

“What are you talking about (Y/L)” 

“Seriously Hotch, you didn't think I would figure it out, the secret you and JJ have!” Snapping at him, your arms flying outwards. Hotch tenses up, his face hardens. 

“Secret, we don't have any secrets (Y/N)”

The anger in your body is fighting hard to take over. Forcing yourself to take a deep breath to steady yourself.

“I am trying my hardest to keep calm right now Hotchner, only because Jack doesn't need to hear me screaming at you” 

~~~

Your hand reaching up into your hair, running through it. Taking another deep breath, trying your best to control your temper. 

“Jacks at Jessicas, but I would prefer you don't accuse me or JJ about anything” His tone coming out harsh, which earns a loud scoff from you.

“Bullshit, If you didn't have a secret you would want to know what the secret is, I'm a profiler Hotchner, and I'm a pretty fucking good one, so don't you dare try to say I'm wrong” Yelling at him, not meaning to allow your emotions to take over so soon. Hotch crosses his arms, glaring at you. 

“I do not know why you're so upset, Yes we have a secret, but it's not that bad”  His words fall effortlessly from his lips, making you laugh hysterically. 

“Not that bad? Not that fucking bad?! How the hell is Emily alive not a big fucking deal!?” Screaming at him, your hands squeezing into fist. His face softens looking at you, his eyes filling with concern and worry and you feel like you can pick up a little guilt hidden away.

“(Y/N).. I didn't.. I didn’t realise that you were struggling this badly” His voice softened, his reaction throwing you off.

~~~

“Excuse me? I just told you I know you faked her death, you and JJ did, and you're going to try to tell me I'm struggling seriously?” Your voice lowering, looking at him in disbelief.

“I know it hard to move on but” 

“Don't you dare try to turn this onto me Hotchner, I know the truth” Your confidence starting to waver, trying hard to keep the doubtful thoughts at bay.

“(Y/N), Emily's Dead” The way he says it, the pure worry and concern, the sadness filling his tone. Was almost enough to crush all the confidence you have left. Shaking your head trying to clear your thoughts.

~~~

“No no, she's alive. I know she is, otherwise what secret are you and JJ hiding, you did admit you have one” Your voice is loud, trying to stay feisty, but honestly you're just sounding broken.

“I'm trying to convince JJ to come back to the team as a profiler, we didn't want the team to know until it can happen” His tone is soft, his body language telling you that it's the truth. 

“I've been trying to get her back since Emily's death. It's taken a lot of convincing, but it's looking like it could happen.”

Allowing that information to set in, your body starts shaking lightly, tears springing to your eyes.

“But what.. But at the hospital you and JJ went into another room to talk” Taking a deep breath, trying to watch his body language closely, through the tears.

“We were discussing how we would inform her family, JJ is better with families, but I am the unit chief, we decided we would do it together.” His words breaking all hope that you have left. 

~~~

Tears rolling down your face, your legs shaking giving out underneath you, your body crumbling to the floor. Feeling arms grabbing you, helping to lower you to the ground, as you let out a painful sob. Hotch pulls you into his arms, holding you closely as you cry. He strokes your hair gently, as he whispers comforting words, letting you fall apart in his arms.

Guilt filling him as he had to lie to you once more, having to lie to his team everyday when he sees them struggling. He was wondering when you were going to break, he has been noticing that you haven't been allowing yourself to grieve. You have been distracting yourself with work, or with helping the team, asking for more paperwork to complete. Even offered him parenting advice, so you could lessen the stress on him and therefore on the team.  He hated the way you had stopped caring for yourself, he barely saw you do any of your passions anymore. Normally you would have a different book with you every case, and most weeks you would bring in some baking, with new recipes you had discovered. You hadn't done any of that for over four months. Everyone had changed, and he hated watching his team in pain. 

~~~

You laid in Hotch’s arms for a long time, even after the tears had dried. Feeling completely destroyed and numb. Having gotten your hopes up that it would be possible to see her again, that's all you want in life. Slowly pulling yourself away from his arms, taking a shaky breath.

“I'm sorry Aaron, you didn't need me to do that” Your voice croaky from the crying, your body still shaking faintly. 

“It's okay, (Y/N) I told you I'm here when you need to talk” His tone is soft and judgement free. “Why don’t I make us some coffee, and we can talk?”

“No I’ve taken enough of your time, I should go” Standing slowly, Hotch does the same watching you, his hand staying softly on your arm. 

“No, please stay, we need to talk about a few things” You can't meet his eyes, knowing as he's the team leader. He has to report when there could be an issue with someone. Giving him a small nod, he walks over to the kitchen, turning the coffee pot on. You head over to the bathroom to clean yourself up.

~~~

Walking back out after cleaning yourself up, you see Hotch sitting on the couch, cups of coffee on the table in front of him. Sitting down beside him picking up your cup, smiling weakly, avoiding his stare.

“Thanks Hotch” Taking a sip of coffee, relaxing into the softness of the couch.

“No problem, you know we need to talk about what you accuse me of right?” He smiles sadly, looking at you concern. He needs to know how you found out, how he can make sure no one else will be able to figure it out. 

“Do we have to?” Letting out a tired sigh as you drink more.

“We do, (Y/n) I need to know why you thought Emily was alive, it's unhealthy to think that way” His tone stays calm and soft as he speaks. His voice has always been a comfort for you, not long after you joined the team. Hearing his voice seems to just melt the stress away. Closing your eyes as you try to think about how to answer that. The hope that you had about her being alive is now long gone, and inside all you feel is a big black hole.

“I know that, but it made sense, somethings just didn’t add up and so I guess my brain, put this idea in my brain to cope and I wanted it to be true so my brain made the rest up to help I guess” Sighing, putting the cup down.

“You need to take some time off, I don't want you coming back for a week, you need to grieve” 

Your eyes widen, shooting up at him. “No way, Hotch I can't take time off, It will just make things worse please, I need to be working”

“No you don't, you need time to accept it, you know there's five stages of grief, you're still struggling with accepting what happened.” Hotch face harding back up. You always call that his work face, hiding his emotions, putting his professional face on.

“No Hotch, I know what happened, I just had a bad moment okay, I can not take time off, we are already short with profilers, and Reid needs me this week please, he is struggling.”

~~~

Hotch sighs, straightening up, looking back at you.

“(Y/n), you aren't any good to us, if you don't look after yourself, You are an important part of this team but, recently your skills haven’t been as good as they used to be. You need time” Hotch lies, you have been working greatly recently, your skills have been on point. But he needed something to get you to take some time off.

Your hand sliding up, playing with your hair as you start doing some slow breathing technique.

“I know I haven't been myself lately, but please, It's not wise for me to not be without the team.” Your eyes begged for him to let you stay. Hotch’s eyes narrow watching you closely, he raises an eyebrow slightly.

“Something happened with Reid last night, didn't it?”

“Don't profile me Aaron” Groaning slightly. “Yeah alright it did, but he's going to be fine, he just needs me this week Hotch and I need to be working please” 

Aarons face filling with concern, his lips tightening into a thin line, the question he wants to ask, written across his face. Shaking your head lightly at his unasked question.

“He was close last night, he rung me for help, I can't leave him when he's too close to the edge”

“He has the whole team’s support, this isn't just on you” Tilting his head to the side slightly, he wanted to tell everyone the truth but he knew he couldn't. 

“Your right, but last time, I was the one who pulled him out of the hole, I know you all wanted to help, but it risked your job, I was new I was able to help, I'm the only one he trust enough when it comes to this, and you know that Hotch” 

He picks up his coffee looking away from you, thinking deeply about this situation.

~~~

“(Y/n), You are always there for the team, but who do you talk to when things get hard?” Hotch turns his body back to look at you, studying your body langues.

“I have the team” You answer him quickly, tensing up. You don’t open up easily, it's something you have always struggled with. 

“Yes you do, but you don't open up to us”

“I do,” Crossing your arms, feeling exposed. “You're the one who doesnt open up Hotch” He scoffs lightly at your words, raising an eyebrow.

“I talk to Dave, don't try and turn this on me, you know that taticed doesn't work on me” He smirks softly, watching as you roll your eyes up at him.

“Fine Hotch, I don't open up to anyone, the last person I did is now dead, so I'm sorry if I got issues.” You huff at him, rolling your shoulders back feeling uncomfortable. 

“I'll make you a deal (Y/L)” Smiling at you slightly, acting if he's already won this discussion.

“Oh and what's that?”

“I won't make you take time off, I won't report you which would make you go more often to therapy, but only If you agree to my terms”

Groaning quietly, knowing that, this is not going to be fun. “And what are your rules Hotchner”

“Everyweek, you spend one night talking to me about anything.” Rolling your eyes at his words, sipping on your coffee.

“Seriously, that's not fair” Huffing annoyed, placing your coffee down a little too hard.

“You also have to tell me when you have a bad day, and my rules start now, or you take two weeks off and start therapy on monday”

Staring at him angrily, knowing if you want to help Reid, you would have to agree to his stupid terms.

“Fine, you win.”

~~~

When Hotch gets up to get more coffee, your phone rings. That's when you notice it's now 10am, shocking you with how much time has gone by. Answer your phone when you see its Reid.

“Hey Spence” Forcing your voice to be filled with calm and fake happiness.

“Hey, where you go, you left early” Reid's voice fills the silence, sounding refreshed and relaxed.

“Oh yeah sorry, I was going to wait for you to wake up but I had a few things I wanted to deal with this morning” Explaining hastily, knowing that's not the full truth.  

“Oh alright, well Morgan trying to organise drinks tonight, you in?” Smiling softly at the idea.

“I'm in, wait one second Reid, I'll ask Hotch” Pulling the phone from your ear, turning to Hotch who's already watching you. “Team drinks tonight, you in?”

“Not tonight, Jack will be home” He gives you a small smile. Nodding at him, understandingly bringing the phone back to your ear.

“I'm in, but Hotch is busy tonight.”

“Why are you with Hotch?” Reid asks, confused. 

“Work stuff, had something I wanted to run by him” The lie comes out instantly, avoiding Hotch’s stare.

“Oh okay, well 8pm, want me to pick you up?”

“Would love that, thanks Reid” Smiling lightly, placing your phone down.

“Really, lying to him?” Hotch smirks lightly. As if his point from earlier was just proven, which just earns him another eye roll.

“You really like rolling those eyes at me huh?” His chuckle deepens, slightly .

“You're not special Hotch, a lot of guys can get me to roll my eyes.'' Smirking at him, cheekily.

Taglist: @lalalove-56 @ssamorganhotchner @montyfandomlove @lilozg-123 @hola-you-blog @lmg-stilinski24​ @yourdryadwife

Let me know if you want to be added.

[ro-presents-under-the-nola-stars]

Im not sure if someone already asked this, but what things (personality, physical appeareance, emotional wise etc) does Jasira find attractive on JJ and vise versa?

hello. well, no one has ever asked me this before, actually. not outright. so, thanks for this question. i'm happy to break this down. so, buckle up bcus this ain't finna b short, and i feel like u knew this coming into it. but this is long even to my standards. this is gonna essentially b an essay. so, i'm not being cheeky when i say, buckle up. i can only hope that for as long as this is, it is clear.

disclaimer: i'm answering based on where we are in the timeline of the story rn -- apr 2007, chapter 13.

so, there is a major thing to note before i dive into them as individuals. when they first met, from the v first conversation they had, both jj and jasira felt that chemistry and familiarity that makes u feel like u've known someone for ur whole life. the immediate feeling of comfort is big in being attracted to a person - b it romantic, sexual or platonic attraction. when things don't feel hard or forced, it's easy to want to keep going. from the v beginning, on both ends, there was that feeling of familiarity. even despite them being worlds apart in terms of how they move about this world and have experienced life. it started off feeling easy and comfortable and safe because of the way thy vibe. every interaction/skype call/phone call since then jus further cements that safety and that comfort and thus that feeling of ease. it's a big part of their mutual attraction to each other, on like the most basic of human levels. it is what makes them continue to crave and therefore come back to each other.

now, for individual breakdown, i am going to start w my butch baby, jj, and what about jasira creates such a moth to a flame feeling for her. bcus that is exactly how jj feels when it comes to her -- like a moth to a flame. jj doesn't feel like she could resist or leave her alone if she wanted to at this point. jj's answer is much less muddy than jasira's, far more cut n dry.

i'm going to start w her physical/lustful attraction to her; shy's visual features as well as her aura. bcus both of those things are about on the same level when it comes to attraction. i think the difference between recognizing that someone looks good n being attracted to them is the effect their aura/vibe has on you. this is jus my personal ideas and my work is a reflection of various parts of myself and my ideas at this time. in this instance, how i write attraction, it certainly is hinged on that idea.

going pure physical first -- basic face and body. this is one of those things i def intend to lament on in the series i am planning about her exes. jj does, indeed, have a preference in type. now, it isn't a preference that she is cognizant of. now, she doesn't see herself as having a specific type bcus the preference isn't necessarily strict. it certainly doesn't correlate between her sex life and her dating life. the only commonality (w one sexual exception ever)(n there's a thing there but that isn't what this post is about so not rn) between her sex life n her dating life is femininity. jus v feminine women, that's what everyone has in common. so, if u were to ask jj what he type was, she would jus say v femme and leave it as that bcus she'd b thinking about her experience in total but she does have a type that is more specific than that. it comes out in the instances in which she actually ended up in relationships. it's more of a body type than a face/feature type bcus aside from their shape/build, all her gfs looked pretty different. but jj's exes were all of petite and slightly thick. like imagine monica geller body but a lil thick on the bottom; thicker thighs w a slight booty. regardless of face, that is what jj's exes looked like: thicker versions of monica geller w the thickness varying a lil bit from girl to girl. that's jasira. she has a more plump booty than jj's exes but that's pretty much her body. she's tiny and slim thick. body wise, she is jj's type w a lil more to b thankful for. i have to again point out that this isn't a conscious thing in jj's mind, but women w that body type always turn jj's head first. so, there is no circumstance in this universe where jasira walks past jj on the street n jj doesn't nearly snap her neck to turn n look at her. that's jus what it is. now, her face is really like super important to jj's attraction to her, obviously. it is not uncommon for jj to jus stare about her n marvel over her facial beauty. so, in this universe, when jj was a super young kid, im talking pre-conversion therapy -- which im not sure where u are in the story but her childhood pre-conversion therapy is v fuzzy in her memory; it's really more blanked -- jj had a crush on a celebrity that drove her mother crazy (it's talked about in little bama girl). her v first crush in life was a woman named lola falana. she doesn't remember this crush; if u asked her who her v first crush was, she would think really hard n give u an idk at this point in the story. now, jasira doesn't look exactly like lola falana, but there are similarities. their skin tones (not jus both of them being black women; i mean, like their actual skin tone) are v similar almost the same. they both have big brown, almost doe-like eyes that kinda thing going on. they have similar lips shapes. they have similar nose shapes. it's def not a carbon copy/copy-paste situation, but they do look similar enough that if someone put picture of them together n said they were related in some way, most people would b like "yeah ok" n not question whether not it was true. they look that similar. so, jasira fits jj's ideal body as well as looking like the woman who made jj know that she liked girls when she was little. so, w all that in mind -- face and body, there was no scenario where she sees jasira n doesn't experience intense attraction at first sight, based on pure physicality alone.

u gotta combine that w vibe/aura bcus yea, aura is a huge part of attraction. so, diving into aura, simply put, jasira is sexy. this isn't me biased bcus i really like this character i created. no, i created her to b one of those people that is more often than not precieved as such by the people she meets. she's jus sexy. jasira is one of those character's that people triple take at on the street. one of those people who stops conversations. she is both one of those people who is often describe as someone's type while at the v same time being one of those people that are typically the exception to people's type in the chance she physically she doesn't fit it already. she is jus sexy to most people. it's the way she was designed by me, and i would like to point out, she was an independent oc. i didn't create her for jj. so, she truly is jus like that. so, keep that in mind. when u circle it back to the story n to jj specifically, that + the information i told u about what made her stand out to jj in the first place + the remembrance of how they first met. jasira is sexy jus bcus for no reason at all already, but she is also a dancer. a performer. she really plays it up, really is intentionally alluring when she's performing. now, if u know anything about jj's first crush (which wouldn't b surprised if u don't) but lola falana was always a performer; a captivating one at that, imo. so, u have to imagine, that -- on a subconscious level -- seeing jasira who has already checked boxes but also triggered og baby gay feelings by looking like her first crush while dancing/performing in a really alluring, almost siren like way, i mean, boom. recipe for immediate so-far-gone-ness.

jasira boudreaux just really, really does it for jennifer jareau. it's one of those "god had to have designed u for me to b smitten w" kinds of attractions.

an extra tidbit on this, bcus i do think voices count towards physical attraction, is that jj loves the sound of her voice. she finds it sweet sounding and femme, but passionate in expression. i don't mean language choice, when i say passionate in expression, i mean the way she actually uses her vocal chords. couple that w jasira's new orleans accent and jj loves to jus hear her talk. there are certain words she jus loves to her her say. an example would b "baby", she could literally listen to jasira jus say that one word on a loop n not get tired of it bcus she loves the way that word sounds when it's dancing w her accent. so, there is also that.

now, as for the non physical part of her attraction to jasira, once again, there are things about jj and her history u have to consider and take into account. it isn't that jj has like never been on the receiving end of love and kindness. that's not true at all. she had ros for the first 11 years of her life, she had her cousin charlotte. she was a popular athlete in college; she has her team, and she does have friends. plus, i mean, she's a conventionally attractive white woman, let's b real and acknowledge what that means for her especially w her femme presentation in public. so, being treated w kindess or love or jus general favor isn't new to her. quite the opposite. so, jasira treating her the way she does isn't necessarily special for that reason on a surface level basis. bcus while she has been loved within her family (ros and charlotte) and her friends (her team n her out of work friends), she's never quite been seen in a positive way that wasn't platonic (or wasn't by ros) bcus she has had one friend who clocked her n they became friends bcus he clocked her (we haven't met him yet but he's been v vaguely mentioned n we will him). but again, that was only one time in her entire life, one and it was platonic. also, at this point in time, the friendship isn't super deep. but she's never been seen by anyone else -- truly, certainly not in a positive way -- bcus she suppresses the most honest, most comfortable part of herself. even from her cousin charlie. to understand that, u have to understand that her mother was, let's b honest, psychologically and emotionally abusive who was regularly attacking and penalizing her butchness/her masculinity. in her dating life, she had a habit of ending up w femme4femme femmes who did not value butches/butchhood at all. they made room for in the bedroom bcus they liked the sexual dominance that came jj when she was leaning into her true self but that was the on place outside of sports she was allowed to authentically exist. her past romantic relationships, for the most part, were really jus reiterates of the traumatizing parts of her childhood. and in the last two relationships she was in where her masculinity wasn't penalized, her butchhood-- the queerness of it all -- was not seen or catered to bcus she was dating straight women for some semblance of breathing room and relief from her past. in these v same relationships, she was penalized for not only attempting to b her most authentic self but also shutting down n not sharing, not being emotionally available after trying n failing in embracing who she is. so, jj is used to always having to cut a core piece of herself, her identity away to b accepted to some degree, and she is used to walling off her emotions to shy away from the pain that repressing herself causes her. overtime, it's made her become jaded n sort of devalue and detach from human connection and the idea of (unconditional) love in its totality, but especially in terms of romantic love. it's the reson why up until shy, she doesn't do anything but meaningless sex anymore bcus she'd given up on trying to b seen, b truly cared for and truly loved. but it is something she's always quietly craved. that has to b kept in the back of ur mind at all times, when ur reading all their interactions. u have to keep that in mind. the only time she's been seen by other people she's tried to b close to, she's been conditioned to see what they saw as unworthy and something that needed to change. it's why she force-femmes; it is why she conforms to societal gender norms around people.

the reason i made it a point to discuss all that and bring it to the forefront of ur brain is bcus w all that in mind, u realize that from the v beginning -- i mean, first conversation, even -- jasira has been doing the directly opposite of that. the first time, in a v small, miss-able way was when she saw jj and acknowledged that despite her appearance, she wasn't dainty at all. that was the first nugget. jj was so set on the excitement of the in, from jasira really opening up that conversation hat she didn't dwell on it, but it was an important thing for her to have said. it is absolutely of note and really held insight into how she would see jj going forward bcus it's already drastically different than how jj knows she's viewed n how she's treated in the world. that was jus the tip of the iceberg. that same night even, everything about the way jasira treated her was thru the lens of peeping her masculinity and finding it attractive. everything the way they danced, the way she let jj lead their kisses, her calling her a gentleman -- her refusal to open her own doors in jj's presence. it wasn't overtly acknowledge by jj internally at every step as "omg this is so affirming" but it absolutely was. the constant, natural and earnest affirmations throughout their night together, made it feel all the more special for jj. it made her feel that much more connected to jasira and thus all the more willing to continue. then, after all that from the initial first night, u have the morning after. the feeling of comfortable domesticity that jj absolutely reveled in. but aside from that, when jj found herself drawn to the images of jasira w her family. when she found herself mentally lamenting over a feeling of love, of togetherness -- of being apart of something that she was really truly feeling and internally acknowledging her lack in that regard -- jasira let her into the family. she told her stories and histories and secondhandedly introduced her to a new world of people -- and love, by extension -- bcus she saw it. she saw what jj was feeling. she saw the void, the longing, the loneliness. which is something that, w jj, tends to far more unnoticed than her masculinity, even bcus of how well she holds herself and seems to have it together. bcus of how intentional she is at hiding that bcus she herself doesn't even wanna look at it when she's alone w herself n her thoughts much less share it w other people. bcus of the night before, bcus of how affirmed n thus comfortable in her own skin jasira made her feel the night before, the mask slipped down. the mask slipped and jasira saw it, but she didn't shun it or shame it. she didn't push n question and make her uncomfortable. she nurtured jj in that moment; she remedied the feeling, even if it was jus for a moment, without jj having to even kinda ask. all she did was stare at pictures. so, u have two deep, hidden but v key aspects of jj -- one of her identity and the other being emotions that have long jaded her ability to really connect w other people -- being seen n treated w softness and kindness. that, is something jj is far from accustomed to, especially as it relates to people she's attracted to in a potentially romantic way. it's then that her attraction to jasira truly truly cements as emotional. it's how she knows there is no way she can go on n not get to know this person.

now, there are certain things about a person's personality that would make them not jus able to do something like that for someone else, but willing. they'd have to attentive, perceptive. they'd have to b open -- to a degree -- and earnest. they'd have to b loving in nature, kind -- empathetic. not only that but solution oriented/action based. someone else could have been in jasira's position in that moment, discerned what she discerned n been frozen about what to do or how to possibly help. but jasira wasn't. all those traits came into play n jasira immediately had an idea and acted on it. that says a lot about character and her personality. those are all traits that jj finds v admirable in her. they are all traits that make jasira more attractive to her than she already was. jasira's ability to see people around her, that's the key to jj's emotional attraction to her.

to not truly love urself bcus u've only really being conditioned to see ur core self in a negative light and then have someone raise a different mirror to u and reveal the same core that u have been conditioned to hate but jus in a beautiful way… i mean, imagine that feeling. i don't think u can put words to that feeling but it's the kinda thing that makes u love a person, i think. that's really what jasira has been doing from like jump. n i think falling in love w a person makes them all the more attractive to u n idk what part of the story ur on but it's been established, jj is in love w her.

additionally, jj respects jasira. there are other traits about jasira that jj already loved and thought the world of. jj's always been drawn to extroverted, life-of-the-party kind of people; she’s used to being the more quiet person in the room/in a group. i would describe jasira as courageous, bold, passionate; she doesn't pull punches but she uses her discernment in that. she's fun and likes to have fun; she likes to make people laugh, v playful. she doesn't, from jj's perspective, often shrink herself n dim her light for those around her. she gives herself permission to shine. those are things about her that jj likes and admires about her on their own. those traits make her attractive on their own. It woulda always been a draw for jj. however, having learned what jasira has gone thru -- is still going thru, while also knowing first hand about the affect it can n does have on many survivors makes jj see the beauty in those traits amplified by a million. to jj, above all else, those traits aren't jus cool n alluring but a sign of resilience. to b urself out loud so strongly. to b able to not even jus ask for what u want but make demands when u have regularly have someone trying to violently break u from their own personal gain is a huge sign of strength n resilience, n jj absolutely recognizes it as such. she respects the hell out of her for it. she is inspired by it, to b honest. not even jus that, either. jasira's ability to still b soft, still b kind, still b hopeful and still dream, even, jj sees the strength and resilience in that, too. so, boom, amplified feelings of attraction here.

also, jasira being family oriented is huge to jj. it plays a major role in her attraction, her interest, her intrigue. jj's family structure is broken. her sister has long passed on; she has not spoken to her mother in a decade. she hasn't so much as gotten any signs of life from her father in the same length of time. n even when she was under their roof, those relationships were nowhere near positive or in her father’s case, existent. the only family jj has in her life that she keeps in (semi) regular contact w -- from either side of her family -- is her cousin, charlotte, who also doesn't keep in contact the rest of the family. as far as blood relatives go, those two are pretty much on an island together n they aren’t even surviving together; they jus meet for solace sometimes. jj's family is shattered n in a few ways, that has always been the case. so bcus shes been conditioned n used to not connecting w people -- also broken families (that were still by other means “together”) were not uncommon in her environment at all-- the idea that people even actually liked the families they were born into, for jj, that idea was jus that. an idea. it never really seemed like reality to her bcus she's not used to loving families in a unified kinda way. it's such a foreign idea to her that she hadn't even considered that she wanted, craved that until she walked into jasira's world n saw it. jasira having a loving family n being family oriented is part of what fuels jj's attraction. it's part of the reason why when jj does begin to imagine herself creating a family of her own -- beyond that hypothetical ideal than many adults jus have bcus of societal expectation -- she can only imagine that w jasira.

there's also the cultural difference n the vast differences in upbringing. aside from n beyond being a romantic prospect, jj finds jasira to b literally the most interesting person she has ever met. she likes learning things from/about jasira n she likes that jasira is patience n kind enough to teach her. jus knowing jasira is expanding her worldview n making her cognizant of experiences n walks of life and thus the mindsets borne from those walks of life that she otherwise couldn't have imagined bcus i mean, she's white. she really values the exposure, she likes the learning n she likes that jasira doesn't make a thing of her not knowing or make her feel small for not knowing. so there's that layer.

there's jus so much about jasira that jj finds extremely attractive and all of those things not only make being attracted to her so intense, but it made falling in love w her easy. so, yea, jj fell uncharacteristically fast. she's in it deep.

now, for jasira's half of this connection.

once again, there are multiple things to have in ur mind about jasira before we dive into her attraction to jj.

the number one thing that u absolutely need to know before i get into her breakdown: as much as jasira really likes jj n as much as her feelings for her are deepening, she and jj are not on the exact same wavelength. yes, every once in a while, she will have these thoughts of them being serious, of them being official. she treats jj like they're pretty much together already, yes. she does feel strongly for jj, but it is not the exact same thing as where jj is. jj is sure, at this point, that she's in love n she's blind to anyone that isn't jasira. jasira is not in that place. she likes jj so much, like so so so much n she feels safe when she's w her, but she is a bit on shaky ground, mentally. she def isn't ten toes behind this jus yet like jj is tho. but she does like her a lot, and there is that a nagging voice in her head, especially when she's physically w jj that says, "this is it” but jj has submitted to that; jasira absolutely has not gotten there yet. she's not gonna let herself get there for a while, either. she absolutely keeps herself in check, does not herself go off into the deep end right away. she has thoughts n she pushes them off for a bit. that is extremely important to have the back of ur mind.

another thing of extreme importance to have in the back of ur mind is jj. by that, i mean, the way she conducts herself in this connection. the way she interacts, engages in their conversations. the type of person she is in relationship to people. she is v much not an open book. she's private as hell. she neglects to get personal beyond a certain level; she purposely avoids sharing. shy tries but jj redirects back to shy every time. yes, she is more open w jasira than she has ever been in relationships in the past – jasira gets more of her unguarded personality but the lack of sharing is something that shy has noticed a few times over. so, u have to consider that shy does not know jj nearly as well as jj knows her. which def affects her view of things n their connection, despite how much she likes her. it's easy, for her to pump the brakes n bring herself down to earth bcus she's reminded more than once, more than twice, well over a few times, that she does not know jj like that. n the thought of being serious w someone she don't really know, of really tying herself to someone she don't really know is anxiety-inducing for her. so, bcus of jj's strong sense of privacy n struggles w opening up, despite how shy feels, it makes it easier for her to walk this connection w her mind more than her heart despite the fact that her heart isn't quiet in this at all.

we all know shy's past. she's got an ex in his mid-30s who groomed and abused her in her formative teen years, during her college years. an ex who continues to stalk her n harass her. she didn't get to go to school dances, not even homecoming or prom, despite having won both of those titles. she didn't get to go to parties. she didn't get to participate in senior skip day w her peers. she didn't even get to enjoy the freedom of traveling w dance competitions bcus her coach was her bfs sister so he was there. shy didn't get to have any typical teenage experience, so she's kinda in a delayed adolescent state of life rn. she likes it; she needs it; she's determined to have it. she's reclaiming her freedom, sense of self n experiences. so, that also needs to b in the back of ur mind.

another thing is how she grew up n her role models. ive mentioned it in the story, but shy adores her grandpa. i mean, basically worships the ground he walks on. not even jus him as the grandpa he is to her but him as the husband he is to her grandma; she idolizes that whole relationship. that was huge for her, when she was a lil girl n living w them before she moved to new orleans. n most of the other members of her mother's family have healthy, loving marriages. that was the standard, for her, before she moved to new orleans when she was a lil girl. when she moved w her parents n she begin to notice the relationships n marriages of those around her, of all the people married people she knew, all the relationships she saw cycle in n out -- which was a high number; jasira has always been community oriented n she has a huge family as is -- she never saw a healthy relationship. they are all toxic in some way shape or form n no one seemed to notice that they were toxic. so as she grew up, the love she saw in marriage n relationship on her mother's side of the family shifted from becoming her standard to an ideal that felt out of reach bcus in her mind, clearly, they were actually the exception n not the rule. so, keep this in mind as well.

jj's laidback, easy-going -- in shy's opinion -- cool/suave. she not flashy, not showy; she doesn't walk into a room tryna prove herself or puff out her chest n doesn't need to; she's got that strong, silent thing about her. she can command attention without trying too hard n she can go under the radar if she wants to. shy peeps it; shes into it. its her ideal/dream n it always has been. plus she's protective; the first time they officially met, jj was protecting her so it def did a thing for her. she reminds her of her grandpa n when shy was a lil kid, her ideal of a husband was her grandpa in her uncle jo's font (her uncle jo is a butch lesbian btw). so, when she first actually met jj, she reminded her of her grandpa n bcus of that shy was even more interested n attracted to her before they actually met she was more intrigued/drawn to her bcus of the way she managed to make her feel bcus the feeling was unusual (but v desirable) for her. to top it all off, while jj is not the person shy would describe if u asked for her type, jasira doesn't think shes unattractive. she is v good looking, in jasira's eyes; like shy thinks jj could easily b a model, if she wanted to. so, i have to say that jj not being shy's type doesnt mean in anyway that shy thinks shes unattractive on a physical level bcus also circling back to her grandpa (hes a white presenting mulatto(white passing n white presenting arent the same thing btw) jj n shy's grandpa have features in common. specifically their eyes, which blue eyes arent rare or anything but her blue eyes paired w her energy/how she carries herself n the fact that she already reminded shy of her grandpa (in terms of how she witnessed him engage w her grandma) def makes her easier to b attracted to bcus it triggers a "fairytale ideal" shy's dreamt of that she had overtime written off as an anomaly of sorts. so thats the "basic" attraction. but there are personality traits for jj that makes jasira feel safe w jj which makes her really like jj as a person n thus increases her attraction more n more.

like the fact that jj respects boundaries that shy sets, even when its like body language n not overt. shy loves that. jj's good at noticing things about jasira n adjusting according to make her comfortable. jasira first picked up in it during sex when she pushed jj away a bit bcus her was a lil too strong in her thrust n jj immediately got the message n respected it. it is a bare minimum thing to most people, yes. it is the standard, yes. shy, however, has a lot of sexual trauma so it meant everything to her. but that was something that made shy feel more comfortable w her. it was one of the things that got jj invited back to the house. it's also another thing that made her feel comfortable "giving orders" so to speak when they got back to the house. the moment w the waistbeads jasira set a firm boundary n jj immediately respected it. it was special to shy. those things revealed that jj was respectful but also attentive (referring to the nonverbal cues). it also, to shy, read as a lack an ego. which was attractive to shy. to shy, jj's lack of an (unhealthy) ego meant self security. self security meant she didn't have to worry about jj tryna "control" or "dominate". which made jj feel like a much safer person to explore w. the feeling of security made jj that much more attractive. as they talk n get to know each other, it's reaffirmed by the fact that jj allows jasira to dictate the terms of their connection n jus kinda follows her lead in that way n respects what she needs. jj makes shy feel like shes in control of her own (love) life truly for once n its exactly what shy needs rn.

or the fact that, during the morning, after they had sex the first second time, shy had cooked for them n gone to take a shower. jj waited for her to get back so they could eat together. jasira thought that was really sweet of her to wait. she also was thought it showed patience n discipline which she liked n found attractive. when they finished eating together, jj offered to watch dishes. it was both sweet n considerate of her. n sure, shy wasn't gonna allow it but she liked that she offered. shy really likes how sweet jj is w her. its another one of those things that makes liking her feel safe n thus making jj more attractive.

jj is dedicated to staying in contact w her which shy really likes. she thinks people pouring into things they value to b hot on its own, in relation to like if its a passion or something but it is extra attractive to her if they pour that heavily into a person n the person in question being her makes her view jj as more special. she knows jj technically doesn't have time to put into this connection n yet jj's found every crack n hidden corner of her day to fill w jasira n that means a lot to shy. makes her like jj more n thus makes jj sexier.

gonna circle back to jj's humility/lack of an ego. jj actually asks questions n actually lets herself learn from the responses. it really takes humility to admit u dont know something much less ask for help to learn more. so the fact that jj isn't bashful w her when it comes to doing that, the fact that shes humble enough to do that makes jj so hot to jasira.

oh! jasira thinks it is SO hot how easily jj can pick her up like she loves jj's physical strength. its one of those things that instantly turn her on ngl. its so attractive to jj.

but yea shy is still learning about jj n stuff so yea it affects her side of things.

another thing that, i dont wanna necessarily use the word attractive or imply that she likes this about jj but it is worth noting bcus its important to jasira's desire when dealing w jj -- jj's repression. shy knows what jj's like when shes really being herself n she also sees the switch flips when she doesn't feel like shes allowed to b herself n retreats into herself. again im not gonna say that jasira is "attracted" to that but she is determined to help her thru that need she has to hide n pretty much degrade herself on account of her masculinity. like her genuine desire to make jj see that its not jus okay for her to authentically exist but also its beautiful when she does exist authentically is super important to why she wants to b in jj's life rn. shy kinda feels like jj is important to have in her life rn as shes exploring her sexuality (not referring to exploring sexuality in terms of orientation but ya know) bcus sghe provides a safe space to do that while also helpng her reframe sex n romance back into something positive but she also thinks shes jus as important to jj rn. like she thinks they met each other at v important, v necessary times in both their lives which kinda plays a roll in how much she pours into jj n their connection; she sees their potential to help the other grow n is def striving for that above all else.

anyway this was v long; i tend to b long winded n a bit rambly. i hope it didnt lose u.

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

sorry for dragging it on, but i saw your last post. (f the fandom lmao. it’s truly flawed and idk why people can’t keep thoughts to theirselves 🤦)

but i do have one question. did your experience ruin every character? like do you still like Elle, JJ, and Morgan? (the characters i personally consider to be a bit less oversaturated, or who i see much less posts about, and who are also my faves lol)

it's fine, I totally understand that people would have follow ups

no, my enjoyment of the other characters has not been ruined, but I still hesitate to rewatch the show and participate in the fandom because of my mixed feelings about the fandom as a whole.

I still reblog gifsets of JJ and Emily because I can still casually enjoy them, and I would reblog Morgan if I saw more gifsets of him in existence, but people don't gif him enough (if people have any good gifsets of him, please send them my way). I have a fic for Morgan in my drafts that I have been heavily considering finishing, but I haven't quite had the motivation to do so, and same thing with a MILF JJ fic that I drafted out a few weeks ago

I really wouldn't mind posting fics for those characters because they are way less popular and I feel like the crossover between the fans who only watch the show for Spencer (or even fans who don't watch the show at all and just thirst over MGG via tiktoks) and people who enjoy all the characters equally and would enjoy JJ fics and Morgan fics is not a venn diagram but two separate circles.

also, I have such an intense love for Gideon platonically. I feel like there is not nearly enough love and passion in the fandom for Gideon as a pillar character in the series, and I have mentioned it before - how I have a passion for collecting father figures from different series. John Kramer, Gideon, Dale from TWD (and yes, it's because my own father irl is so shit) - and Gideon is a character who truly warms my heart and gives me such a fondness and I would rewatch the show over and over again just for him

also on a side note, one of the biggest flaws of the fandom and one of the huge reasons I don't interact with the fandom and left - while on discussion of JJ and Morgan - is because of the treatment of characters aside from Spencer.

people ruthelessly hate JJ but uphold Emily, because most people believe that Emily is 'canonically' a lesbian, while JJ is in a main het relationship and she is a wife and mother - she gets endlessly criticised for 'choosing' Will over Emily (as if the network would have ever hosted a main queer relationship, and as if the homophobia of the network is the choice of a fucking fictional character to put that blame on), she gets criticised for spending too much time at work instead of being with her kids when one of her main storylines is about her physically fighting to save her child, and yet she's also criticised for being too soft and emotional when one of the best parts of her character is that her empathy as a mother brings a unique perspective to the cases? people act like she's cold and ruthless for not being with her children constantly, yet she's too emotional when she sympathizes with cases involving children???

(like is she a bad mother or not, please fucking decide)

also, I will never forget the post where someone said unironically that JJ 'ruined' Spencer's life by yelling at him one time, that she's a horrible friend to him, and that he loves Henry more than she does. thank you, I'm out

and not to mention how a skinny sickly looking beanpole like Reid and a crusty dusty geriatric liver spotted old man like Hotch get paraded around as if they are the hottest pieces of ass in the world and they have ten thousand fucking fics each and Morgan is suffering for CRUMBS while being the hottest man on the fucking show, and it is literally just because he's black. like the fandom will never say it out loud, but the white men get more attention from fangirls than he does because they are white

the fandom is flawed from the ground-up. and if I did ever finish and posts the fics I have in my drafts, idk if I would still be motivated to post that much about the fandom in general? especially because I am more into Teen Wolf right now because that's what I've been watching (which - I need to pick back up on it).

I do really like discussing the source material because it's something I've been involved with and enjoying for more than a decade now, so idk. if people sent me CM asks I might answer them, I might not. I like discussing and making meta about all the fandoms I'm in because I am fucking yappy in general

[eyesontheskyline]

omg i want to debate a hotchniss scene with you!!! from the season 7 finale

now i know that the whole jj’s wedding thing with hotch and emily talking about her tell etc etc is seen as the ultimate hotchniss flirty scene and i love it but that’s not what kills me in that episode, it’s the dance scene for me. It makes me go absolutely feral and its one of the scenes where im once again questioning who the hell directed that and why- it’s so intimate to me, the closeness, the almost cheek to cheek, him shifting his face towards her and her little smile- like who in their right mind directed that with the thought “aw yeah that’s how friends dance” like sjsnsnsnks. While a dance like that would probably be normal with the rest of the team, the fact that hotch doesnt usually have such a touchy relationship with anyone is what makes me lose my mind, its such an unusual moment for them i feel like WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY ITS DIFFERENT AND IT MEANS MUCH MORE!! Anyway so yeah, idk if im just insane so i was wondering what your take was on that, considering that your fic is based on season 7

I can't think of a single coherent thing to add to this because I agree entirely.

I'm so curious what he said to her in that moment. Like, what TG actually said, but mostly all the billions of options for what Hotch could've said to Emily.

I feel like this is the scene where you can really see what they could've been if he wasn't her boss. Like, it's a little weird with Beth there, but it almost kind of acknowledges that there is something there and they were just never going to go there with her on his team, and now she's leaving the country and it's too late. I don't think they look like they're making any effort at being two platonic coworkers sharing a friendly dance.

The two of them interest me so much in S7 (obviously lol). Like in S4-5 they're together basically all the time, and then in S6 she's with Morgan all the time, and in S7 they're switching it up again but she spends a lot of time with Rossi and Reid. In canon, on screen, they're less close than they have been before, even though they now have this additional thing in common, on top of all the things they already had in common that made them such a great pair before.

There are so many potential justifications for it, both on an in-universe and meta level, but it's just super interesting to me that they have this kind of distance between them, and then when they dance at the end, both knowing on some level it's a goodbye, it's Like That.

[happymagicbee]

***Obx s3 spoilers***

This is just my opinion

1. Why did we get only 10 minutes with them on the island?? I think after s2 finale all I could think about was what they were doing on the island and I just wanted to see a bit more of that

2. I liked that Kiara acknowledged that screaming murderer at Ward was the DUMBEST fucking think to do

3. Rafe and Kiara working together was fun. Kiara pushing Rafe and stealing his boat to save everyone was everything I wanted and more! Also people ship them now???

4. The group dynamics was off the minute they got back to the obx. I miss their little conversations in between reminding us they are still awkward teenagers

5. This might be controversial but I liked jiara. I think being stranded on the island changed things for all of the Pogues but especially them. jj was happy and not in his usual fight or flight mode he had to be in to survive in Kildare. Yeah living on a deserted island is hard but at least no one is beating you and making you feel worthless. And I think that for Kiara saving jj and almost losing him gave her a opportunity to explore her feelings after the whole Pope fiasco.

6. Pope and Cleo were the cutest freaking thing! I just wish they weren't so separated from the group all the time.

7. I don't like John b's father, I think him and Ward are not that different.

8. Also big John isolating John b from his friends and making him lie to them "for their safty" was a very shitty thing to do.

9. I liked the little detail of big John getting shot in the same place Sarah was shot.

10. Wards little Christian awakening was a bit weird but I think it's more of a me thing than a show thing

11. Topper helping to steal the "cross" was hilarious

12. I liked Topper burning down the chateau after being manipulated by Sarah (again). I don't think he should have done that or that it was justified in any way but he did kinda showed his true colors

13. Did kie's parents see big John, Ward and Luke and think what horrible thing can we do that they haven't done yet? They kinda tried with the phone and the money but not really... what I thought could be nice is if she forgave them in the time jump (they were in the crowd cheering at the end) but she would get emancipated

14. The little shove/hug between Sarah and jj was everything to me. I love this friendship and I wish we got to see more of that

15. And just more of all the platonic relationships in the group

16. I definitely think we needed more group scenes. Their chemistry is what made this show so fun and compelling.

17. I liked that Sarah addressed the weirdness everyone felt after getting off the island

18. The time jump was annoying but I get it, they didn't know of there would be a fourth season bc Netflix is known to have canceled shows that seemingly are loved by viewers (I'm still bitter about The Society but that's for another time) so just in case they did get canceled we get (kinda lame) closure.

19. Why did that old dude come to them with the blackbeard thing?

20. Again I'm gonna say I loved jiara and how they handled it because they knew it will have consequences on their friendship and it's something they are not willing to give up on it easily. Kie taking a leap of faith and jj recoilling bc he's afraid to lose it was very touching

21. When presented with the opportunity both John b and pope went for it but jj who is seen as the most reckless one actually took a step back.

22. I liked that Sarah made the choice to be with them, she had all the reasons to stay with Topper but she didn't. I didn't like how cliché they made it but I liked the choice aspect.

23. The scene where jj and John b fighting on the grass and shoupe just standing there chef's kiss

I'm sure I'll have more but I'm off to re-binge it all again

[jadejedi]

Fantasy Book Review: The Tarot Sequence (Books 1-3) by K.D. Edwards

JJ’s rating: 4.5/5

How feral did it make me: 5/5 

My book reviews

Okay, I read these kind of randomly, not really sure what I was getting into, and oh my god. Oh my god!! Okay, so most of the sci-fi/fantasy books I have read other than these were written by AFAB authors in their 20s and 30s. Which is great, and fine, but that’s a fairly limited perspective. These novels were written by an asexual man in his forties (sorry Keith, just sort of guessing on your age here lmao) and is it weird to say that it’s kind of refreshing to read a mlm romance actually written by a queer man? No, I don’t think so. These books, despite the dark topics they sometimes cover, feel like warm coziness to me. Reading these books feels like following along with a group of your beloved friends. God. I love them. 

Summary time! In a world in which Atlantis was a secret society of demigods called the Arcana (all named after tarot cards) before being destroyed in a civil war with humanity, the remaining Atlantean society has relocated to the island formerly called Nantucket. Rune St. John is the last son of the Sun Court, the rest of the Sun Court destroyed in a mysterious attack that left Rune with emotional, mental, and physical scars. Rune and his Companion (think platonic soulmate meets bodyguard), Brand, hire out their work essentially as mercenaries to scrape by. When a son of Lady Justice goes missing, Rune and Brand are hired to find him. Also, they acquire an orphaned teenager? Are they fathers now? They might be fathers now. 

These characters guys. Holy shit. They are perfect to me. K.D. Edwards was really out here like, what if I just… smash every toxically masculine stereotype out there? What if I make a snarky bodyguard character who unabashedly loves his best friend? What if these two men who have known each other all their lives are not afraid to be open about how important they are to each other and how much they genuinely LOVE each other? What if I make a romantic interest who is patient and kind and loving and not at all threatened by the relationship between his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s oldest and most important relationship? What if I create a relationship between these three men that blurs the lines between romantic and platonic?? What if I create an urban fantasy society in which queerness is normal and accepted, and where polyamory is normal and accepted? What if I make a group of characters who need a family and then FIND ONE WITH EACH OTHER???? WHAT. THEN????? (then we all cry, that’s what)

FUCK! 

These books are fun, witty, full of monsters and villains, but also some of the most heartwarming characters and relationships I’ve ever read??? Like, god. These are some of the few books that I have bought both audio book and e-book copies because I could not put them down. I *had* to be reading them, if I were at home, or at work, or in the car. And as soon as I finished them, I picked up the first one and reread them. 

This series is planned to be a trilogy of trilogies, with books 1-3 currently finished, and book 4 being written right now. I am so excited for more of this series, I can’t even tell you. Dear god. 

There is some dark content covered in these books, specifically based around what happened to the Rune on the night when his father’s court was destroyed, so if you have any questions about trigger warnings, don’t hesitate to ask. 

These books are an absolute DELIGHT. They are the queer fantasy I’ve always wanted to read, because Edwards understands that what makes the queer community special is the COMMUNITY. It’s about finding and CHOOSING your family, bitch!

Here’s a meme I made a while back to convince people to read these books (yes I spelled dinosaur wrong. oops):

READ THEM!!!

[checkoutmybookshelf]

...Someone Get Me Back on the Ice

Ok, for a lot of reasons, I was never a competetive athlete. That said...I am Canadian and I was probably 3 or 4 years old when my grandparents bought me my first pair of skates and my parents took me to the (manmade) kiddie rink in the park to teach me to skate. My middle sister and I had skating lessons for a few years, our parents took us skating pretty often growing up, and when we moved into the big house in Alaska, we had a pond out back that we skated (and burned christmas trees--yes, it was always awesome) on every winter until I left the state. And even when I moved back to Canada, I brought my skates with me and still use the arenas and outdoor town square rink in the winter. All this to say that while I'm never going to be an Olympian, I deeply love skating, so when there was a cozy college skating romance between a figure skater and a hockey team captain...it was not a hard sell. And then I was absolutely delighted by this cozy, fluffy, very skate-y book. Let's talk Icebreaker.

CONTENT WARNING: I'm not going to cover much of this here, but if anyone wants to pick up this book, please be aware that it does contain disordered eating, a super controlling/abusive relationship, and a near-death experience, so take care of you when choosing your books!

The very last thing Anastasia Allen wants to do right before sectionals is be forced to share her rink with a hockey team. Then she gets adopted by a bunch of overgrown man-children with hearts of gold who enjoy body-slamming other overgrown man-children into the boards over a puck. It is possibly the most adorable thing I have ever seen, and it is the best possible embodiment of the healthy, non-toxic version of "boys will be boys" insofar as the team just genuinely love and support each other and make space for Anastasia and Lola in that world with care, respect, and joy. I love it so, so much.

Of course, Anastasia is not here just to be adopted by a hockey team. She's also very much in danger of falling deeply in love with Nate Hawkins, captain of said hockey team. Nate and Anastasia are a genuinely darling, adorable couple, and watching them together was just FUN.

Particularly in contrast to Anastasia's relationship with her skating partner, Aaron. Who is--to put it mildly--the biggest most manipulative toxic douchebag I have ever seen. There's something about his and Anastasia's relationship that managed to embody everything that can go horribly toxic with athletic partnerships and how difficult it can be when your dream relies on someone who is actively trying to drag you down.

The super nice thing though, is that Aaron is absolutely the bad guy in this book. Neither Nate nor Ryan (the adorable himbo basketball player she begins the book in a friends-with-benefits arrangement with) descend to Aaron's level. They are there to support Anaastasia. That doesn't mean they don't get angry or jealous--they're human men in their late teens/early 20s, of COURSE they get angry and jealous--but they deal with those emotions pretty freaking healthily, and they don't descend into petty ego-based bullshit. Add that to Anastasia's therapy-honed communication skills, and the relationships in this book are just so well done. Sometimes relationships in romances can get weirdly toxic for drama, but that's not the case here, which made this cozy romance GENUINELY delightful to read.

The side characters are also super well-developed and full of personality, so everyone in this book feels well-rounded, real, and delightful. From Lola to Henry, Robbie, Russ, and JJ, you get to know an ensemble of strong secondary characters in the context of the main romantic relationship, and Anastasia and Henry's platonic love for each other might be the best platonic relationship I've seen in FOREVER. I would 100% read a spinoff novel about those two buddy-ing around.

Author Hannah Grace is a self-proclaimed "fluffy comfort book writer," and if Icebreaker is any example, then ACCURATE. And I cannot recommend this book enough, it was a delight to read from start to finish.

[cloveroctobers]

Thoughts so far while watching episode 4 of S3 OBX

John b being shook over his father’s actions is interesting to see considering how much bs he’s currently into lol

But old man’s kinda a bit obsessive when it comes to these artifacts — yeah yeah it’s ur thing or whatever but you allowed your son to think you were with the water Christ over this shit and you done resurrected and are still at it like?? Get it together four eyed Tarzan

Kie not bothering to mention that she was held up in a room with Rafe will probably come back to bite her in the ass…as usual

We love to see the bonding between Pope & Cleo!!! 🫶🏽

Barry’s hair is…a choice.

Lunatic Rafe’s hair > Barry’s

But love “he’s got my check.”🤭

Side note in regards to Jiara so far—I personally didn’t mind it in the beginning like season 1 but then certain fans had to take it to the extreme to the point it’s apparently reflecting outside of the show which is…idk whack? So it’s not really my top ship or I don’t really care for anyone to be shipped atp lmao I’m just here for the good ‘ol platonic friendship group!

Just me I guess. ☕️

I’m not going to say Jiara is coming out of nowhere because I do agree there were hints of it back in the previous seasons, however it does seem like they’re pushing that fan service—only because—we missed a huge portion of those two privately bonding on that island.

No we didn’t need a whole dragged out episode or more to see that but I would like to see at least a damn flashback. Mind you, I’m only! On episode 4!! Yes they’re acknowledging it now (with it still feeling like jj cares how it’ll make pope feel? Don’t like that. Man is still hurt obviously. Glad Cleo is there to take his mind off the foulness of it all) — good for them yet I still feel like it’s bad timing idk but to each their own.

Still don’t agree with these writers having Kiara go from one to next (from kissing John b, then worrying about how JJ feels about that, to having a night with pope but lacking the proper communication on what the intentions of their romantic relationship was and just down right being cold to my guy, to circling right back to wondering about the what if’s with JJ like??? I get it they’re teenagers and you’re not going to have it all together but it’s one thing after another can we relax?) and it feels hinted that’s what her mother did? From being a kook hinting that she messed around with pogues (possibly JJ’s own father or at least there’s some form of history there between them based off his drunk-tellings idk) + marrying a pogue—kie’s father?

I felt like it was implied that’s the side he came from when her mother spewed her hatred for the pogues at kie who wants nothing but to be declared as such but then they’re so hypocritical!!! trying to forget their own skeletons—if you want to even call it that

So it’s basically history repeating itself and I did a whole mini think-piece on why I’m not feeling jiara romantically. Yes there was a sprinkle of chemistry but in the long-run I don’t think it would work. Ship has sailed and they should have thought about that before they decided to do that bs with Kiara & pope 💯

Give Kiara a gf atp 😜 or maybe not worry about the romance…considering they’re all constantly watching their backs rn?

[thepopsicle]

What I loved sm about OBX Season 3 (aside from the character development and how we were FED when it comes to jiara) is that everyone is paired off in a way that’s actually comfortable!

The biggest appeal and trope of OBX is found family but by pairing them off they’ve just opened up my avenues for different types of love. Each character has met their counterpart- A person who perfectly compliments them without disrupting the overall group dynamic.

Sure, for JJ and Kiara they had been right next to each other all along but it took a push for them to actually take that step and it was them valuing their friendship over everything else that clearly bridged that gap because when you start dating your best friend- If you do it right, it should be like nothing and everything has changed all at once.

-And for John B and Sarah it was clear that they both needed someone that was equal parts as crazy as the other but with a notable difference to help them shake off the tunnel vision that they both had. Sarah may have needed to get out of the bubble wrap but John B needed to learn that not everyone in the world was out to get him. It’s clear that individually they were so different and yet had core similarities and a need to be understood (which is a running theme amongst the pogues, I’ll admit)

The interesting thing about Pope and Chloe is that they planted seeds of it in S2 but allowed for so much growth in season S3 that we actually got to see it come to fruition very similarly to jiara except where JJ had to learn that he could be loved and Kiara had to keep fighting to make him aware of that; Chloe and Pope grew in a different way, they started off their friendship by swearing off love forever and without that pressure or insinuation of a potential relationship; they actually got the chance to explore their feelings. Chloe got to learn what it was like to actually live a life and not have to focus on survival while Pope not only got to help her experience that but he gained someone he could lean on aside from his childhood friends.

There’s so much character growth in this season that extends to their relationships but I also really enjoy how non of the pair offs felt forced, like how the Didnt just shove Cleo and Pope together, they let it play out naturally and I think that’s swell.

-But I really do believe it opens up so many avenues of relationships in this found family of theirs because you have Romantic bonds, platonic bonds and pseudo sibling relationships that when you put it all together creates something so beautiful.

We were really robbed of seeing more girl talk between Kiara and Sarah and I would’ve loved to see Chloe get in on that as well, not to mention the JJ & John B sibling dynamic that we only got glimpses of this season.

I definitely missed a lot of the group interactions but I think it’ll be extremely interesting to see how they all grow together and interact in season 4!

[aphroditestummyrolls]

1, 15, 38, and 49 for the fic writer questions!

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

I already answered this one! This is what I said

Ummmm. Depends on the fandom, for sure! Getting into my writing in general, I’d say the To Be Human series for The Old Guard and Gaining Heart for Spartacus.

More recently, though? The Only Way Out (is through) for wesper and Colm. I am so in love with this story, and it really encapsulates a lot of the energy that I try to bring to all my writing— the introspection, the comfort after the hurt, the messy emotions that come with healing, support from both romantic and platonic relationships… and of course ✨Colm Fahey✨.

15. What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written?

Ooooo. It’s an oldie 😅 it’s the Kes-Verse. My rewrite of the Star Wars sequel trilogy. Id still love to go back in and edit and rewrite some things, and finish up the last two stories in the series that I never posted! These stories were fuelled by rage at JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson, love for these characters that got so utterly fucked, and no small amount of desperation for a distraction from the pandemic. And my terrible relationship. And the nightmare of finishing my degree online. And needing to postpone my life. The stories in this series were a gateway into such wonderful friendships and helped me figure out so much about my writing style. (Kes Dameron walked so Colm Fahey could be the father he is today!)

The runner up is a toss up across a couple different fandom’s stories— The Old Guard’s Color and Light, the Mickey/Pierre fic I Travel Alone, and Keep You Safe for Six of Crows.

38. Did any of your fics get surprisingly popular (whatever that means to you)? Which ones? Why do you think they were so successful?

I had to check my AO3 stats for the past couple years to see if anything jumped out at me as odd. I mean, I was surprised by Time for a Spare Prayer. It was supposed to just be a fun little project to explore all of my Colm and The Crows headcanons, and to post in the in-between for Between Hope and Desperation, but it’s really taken on a life of its own. I’m so happy that people are enjoying it so much.

The other one that’s really shocked me is one that I haven’t even posted yet! The Jesper Honeypot Whump-shot has become something that I get requests and asks about, the snippets and moodboard have gotten quite a few notes, and people seem to be really excited for it. It makes me so happy— it was really just a little thing for myself, but it’s quickly morphing into a multi-chapter situation.

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

I have answered this one as well! Here’s what I said:

I’m one (ONE!!) scene away from finishing the next chapters of both Spare Prayer AND Between Hope and Desperation. So close. I’m also like, half a scene away from finishing the first section of the Jesper Honeypot Whump-shot, too, and I’m contemplating turning it into a multi-chapter fic (not sure though. But I’m really happy with how it’s turning out, and I’m getting really excited to post it!!).

And here’s a different little snippet, from the next chapter of Spare Prayer:

Jes didn’t even meet his eyes for a second before he was fully absorbed by that boy.

“You’re late.”

“And what’re you doing out of bed?” He asked, as if he wasn’t grinning from ear to ear at the fact that the lad was up and about.

“No one was there to keep me there.” Wylan replied from where he sat at an empty table. He reeled Jesper in by the buckle of his gun belt, craning up into a kiss. Colm took a swig of his beer.

“Mm.” Jes hummed, his lips smiling against the other lad’s— it almost pulled at his heartstrings. “Easy— I’ll just have to tie you up next time.”

Nevermind.

“Jesper Llewelyn Fahey.”

Honestly.

Thanks for playing! ❤️