#is this irrational. im not doing all that
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this is for traditional artwork (like paintings and other physical mediums), not prints of digital art. also generation cuspers just pick based on vibes. if youāve never bought artwork just think theoretically
ive been finding that with traditional commissions older people sometimes ask to have it framed and it always irrationally annoys me and i feel like āi didnt factor in buying a frame. why should i have to frame it. i made the artwork and u paid me and now its yours and however u want to display it isnt my problem. why is framing my problem. i hate frames. just frame it yourselfā but also idk if thats a me problem and framing is widely expected
#I HATE FRAMESSSSSSSSSS I HATE FRAMING#im sending a drawing to my aunt paid for by my grandma and she asked if i could frame it first#and im trying to figure out how to politely reply like#if i have to frame it. i have to go buy one. and then i have to find a box thatll fit it for shipping#and the box is gonna be way bigger and heavier than shipping in an envelope. so its gonna be way more expensive#thats two extra expenses#and it probably needs bubble wrap. which i dont have#and smth delicate with glass might get damaged in the mail. like just get ur own fucking frame#is this irrational. im not doing all that#i already undercharged $75 for a $150 portrait cuz shes family. after framing and shipping my profit woudl be like $120 less than usual#ššššš#like its better than nothing but. no a frame isnt fucking included#anyways#x
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every time i see one of those posts that incorrectly identifies echidnas or quolls as herbivores i get so irrationally angry. how dare you not understand the dietary requirements of an animal that isnt very well understood by international audiences. im going to kill you. why dont you know ANYTHING about australian wildlife. are you some sort of moron
#sneefs text#''it can digging in the ground for tubers'' SHUT UPPPPPPPP NO IT CANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT DOESNT DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!#im so sorry this is completely irrational and stupid. i dont mean this. im just angry that you dont share my level of expertise on#australian marsupials. this is what happens when you let autism get too passionate about something#this is all a JOKE btw youre not a moron.just please dont peddle these falsehoods in my presence slash silly
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some of the less nice thoughts about being aroace
extras below the cut
sketch
closeups on my favorite panels
bonus: adios
#doodles#kingdom hearts#roxas#axel#olette#aromantic#asexual#aroace#do i tag pence. hes in the background of one panel#ehhhh sorry pence no tag for you#also not tagging soriku and namixi#i mean by the logic of 'theyre in one panel so i wont tag them' i also shouldnt tag axel but. he has dialogue so#anyways i have a very irrational love of olette whenever i need a random side character in a kh comic? olette#i think she uses webmd. anyways im done talking about olette#so let me clarify about this comic#im aroace. this is all just things ive thought before#im not saying in any way these thoughts are real. theyre just thoughts#thats why it ends with 'but there isnt. its just me.' there IS nothing wrong with being aroace. even if it feels like it sometimes#im not trying to send a message im just trying to express a feeling ive had for a while#anyways. the aroace community is super positive and i like that. but not everything i feel about it is that positive#sometimes it feels like im missing something yknow#this comic seems like its about roxas. but its about me. congrats youve been fooled#drafted something similar to this for aro week but didnt finish it in time so this is spiritually part of asaw 2024#btw sorry im not posting as many drawings lately#schools kinda stressful im pretty tired and busy most the time#i am throwing this drawing to you like a slab of meat to a pack of hungry dogs. take this meager ration in these trying times#alright i think thats it bye now
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Thought about the toxic ep Almost died
#rick and morty#like jesus fucking christ whatd they put in that episode#my irrational attachments eye twitch while looking at toxic morty#im gripping my hair im clawinh at my face genuinely Rick being fully aware of his abuse of morty and doing nothing to stop it#fucking toxic morty as well bruh.#him immediatelly begging rick to save him once he re-fused#like loooolll this loser thinks asking for help is bad because his grandpa beat it into him loooolllllllll#me when im in most lifechanging events competition and rest and ricklaxation walks in#WHY DID THEY WRITE THAT. WERE THEY CRAZY. LIKE WHAT MOTIVATED THEM TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS#all sooo slash positive im feeling so. like im feeling so much right now#he was forced to think about rest and ricklaxation for 30 seconds
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sometimes i think about how the people who hate on my takes on here would talk to each other and its always phrased like the twitter fandom drama i see but completely irrational and it makes me giggle
"calling kusuke abusive just because he shot his brother with a lethal weapon, plotted his murder, planned to use their grandparents to assist in hurting/killing him, and tried for years to expose his secret to the entire world against his will and through knowingly hurtful means in order to destroy everything he cared about is so stupid! what a stretch!"
"the saiki k fandom is so damn sensitive. i shoot my brother with massive guns all the time and its not abusive because he just blocks it!" HELPEKSJJSJSKSKKS
#sorry i have absolutely no beef with anyone this is just funny#its just an opinion and i have nothing against people with a different opinion than me#its just funny how they think IM irrational when this is legitimately their thought process#and they come directly onto MY page and cry about people having diff opinions#like girl u do NOT see me doing that shit thats so embarrassing stop#im not even a kusuke hater like thats my man#but even if i was- i dont get why that bothers people so much like y r u so scared of different opinions#i sometimes talk about teru or saiki haters i dont like but that isnt defined by 'literally anyone who doesnt like them'#idgaf if people hate my fav characters- i just hate the WAY certain people hate them that shows they didnt understand the show#YOUR definition of 'evil kusuke haters who must be purged from this fandom' is literally anyone who has an opinion on him-#-that isnt sunshine and rainbows and kusuke is the most morally right and sympathetic character and nobody else deserves him !1!1! ur crazy#oh this isn't targeted at any specific person btw im just being dramatic#i havent acknowledged this at all in months idk what compelled me to do so now#the single anon that barely even said anything just made me think back to this#nobody gets him like i do i swear i swear#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuke#meows post
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God, I have such a hatred for that stupid f1 movie, everything about it gets on my nerves so badly. I hate to be this ultra salty person but I feel like I could write a whole essay about how dumb it is and how much it annoys me š
#every time im forced against my will to see some new thing about it i feel like im gonna explode#part of it is irrational and part of it is genuine criticism#half of it i guess is just me being possessive over f1 yknow#but the other half is like....why the fuck are they making this stupid shit#i see that old man in the race suit and i get so annoyed šš#why is it weird when girls do self insert stuff#but when a grown ass man wants to pretend to be an f1 driver he gets an expensive movie šš#now if they made this movie and had a female mc-#one of my big issues w it is just: who cares#the dynamic is really nothing special. its not really inventive at all#if i wanted to enjoy an f1 story id uhhhhhhh watch old races or read fic lmfao#60 year old man........and yet MY old man gets called too old šŖ#please someone ask me to complain and rant and rave djfkgkgk#catie.rambling.txt
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oh my god iām going to meet chris colfer wtf š
#reality of the situation is slowly sinking inā¦ā¦ā¦.. omg you guys wtfā¦ā¦ā¦#sure itāll only be for like one minute max BUT STILL LIKE.. WTFā¦ā¦ā¦.#i wish i could meet all of the glee cast except NONE OF THEM COME TO A TOWN NEAR ME :((((#well at least MOST of them not all of themā¦ erm#like im not gonna fly across the country for whatever theyāre doing i donāt care THAT much sorryyyyy#the closest iāve ever gotten to meeting a glee person was my friend was going to see lea michele in funny girl but the tickets were too#expensive and she wanted to get her signature but her parents didnāt want to wait at the door with her so#she never met herā¦ that was the closest connection to a glperson iāve ever had..#or maybe my irrational fear that iām related to darren crissā¦ but thatās a story for another timeā¦ā¦ā¦.#anywayā¦ā¦.. amber riley.. please come to [town i live in]ā¦ā¦ā¦.. please..#if i meet amber riley ever i can die in peace i think#porcelainposting
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so my brother has what's either a hideous flu or a hideous covid (probably the second option, because it's surging) and instead of staying home he came to christmas if we're not all miserably ill by this time next week it'll be a miracle
#i need to at least not be sick for thursday and friday of this week . bc have to be at work#and i took tomorrow AND wednesday off. so im worried if i get sick and have to call off theyll think im just trying to eke out more vacatio#which is a slightly irrational fear but i dont want to piss anybody off! also i dont want to be sick#im like swishing mouthwash and taking mounds of zinc and vitamin c and using my sniffy stuff and all that#and i'm recently vaccinated like. by two or three months and we have masks at work and all that so . im doing everything i can#but when youve got a guy spreading the miasma around the house all day...
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#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#good heavens.... .#lobotomy corporation spoilers#SOMEHOW#lobotomy corp spoilers#carmen lobcorp#listen. i have an explanation okay. it doesnt make sense but it was funny in my head#adam has an earing. thought it would be funny if it was just from ayin . is it? not quite sure#text explanation carmen wanted to do diy piercings in the outskirts and ayin went 'nuh uh safety issues' before caving and#making her practice and do it first on him to make sure it goes well and taken care of correctly before she does it on herself#thus the one ear piecing is born. the alternative joke was that it was just clip on. am i going to question the clothing? nah#mind fuckery the facility is made outa thay too. could that also be for the earing and tatoo? yeah. is it more funny to me thos way? yeah#no idea how the hell adam speaks by the way we ball w that . tatoo is just a sharpie as well dont know why there would be any way to put ink#to skin in an efficient manner. besides mind fuckery which is also totally acceptable but null for the sake of shitty comedy#adam lobcorp#ayin lobcorp#thats it. yup. the only spoilers i have is ayins appearance and name actually. only thing i knew going in. so i suppose this will do#(im procrastinating day 49 i know i can do it but im in agony thinking abt it)#also thought it funny at the idea of an piercing made by carmen's hands ending up being used by the facet of A that is carrying out her will#even still even if it is in the most absurd and irrational way possible. wanting to give freedom and realization and the ability to not#have to just survive but be free to live inside the world with their desires and wants in the most 'purest' and 'strongest' form for all#even if it is a SHIT PLAN!!! established broken man whayever ill bully adam regardless
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who is it that i irrationally hate in dragon age theres always one but i cant recall
#i guess that magister brings out this boiling blood side of me but im going to say thats not irrational#in star wars it was ventress and also jocasta nu who for the uninitiated is uh the jediās librarian#i wanted that womanās head on a plate for no reason at all. still do
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me, stupidly and weirdly resistant to listening to audio books vs reading a physical book for no real reason: man i wish there was a way to like, read a book while i crochet like i do with tv shows and movies and podcasts
#toy txt post#my reasons are irrational you dont need to try to talk me into it. i KNOW#its very silly of me#imagine how much reading i could get done. but alas. Feels Bad#even listening to a more. uh. Story type podcast or fiction like nightvale was a bit difficult to start for me. i like nightvale now i#listened. but i worry that is clocking in my brain as an Exception š maybe it would be easier if i tried some nonfiction books? scary#i also struggle with single host podcasts apparently even tho im also ehhhh on the kind where the structure is the host Interviewing a#different person everytime? maybe it would be okay with a nonfiction audiobook tho cos it would be getting read by a narrator and not sound#so much like a guy ranting into a mic which makes me feel a little insane. altho propaganda doesnt necessarily always sound like a guy#ranting into a mic so idk. i could probably make it through if i can find a nice book about like. parasitic worms. i could tolerate#feeling like im falling into sigma male affirmations videos for worms i think. wormffirmations are allowed#*to clarify i dont listen to those but listening to better offline makes me feel like im morphing into the kinda guy who does and i hate it#which feels unfair cos he is RIGHT and the podcast is good but i need there to be like a cohost there to break the tension of the Ranting#sometimes he has guests on? but its not quite the same#i think the format i like best is either like 2 or 3 regular cohosts discussing things within a specific topic#OR. 1 host whos like infodumping to the other host who knows nothing about the subject. OR. 2 hosts info dumping to each other about#different aspects of the subject. OR. 1 host who brings on fun guests to infodump to them about a subject. and then obviously the subject#needs to intrigue me. ex. sawbones well theres your problem (I HATE THAT THIS ONE IS BEST EXPERIENCED ON YOUTUBEš I WANT THEM TO JUST DUMP#ALL THE SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST SOMEWHERE AND I CAN CHECK IN AND FOLLOW ALONG THAT WAY WITHOUT HAVING TO HAVE MY PHONE SCREEN ON THE#WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!! but. im listening for free so its unreasonable to demand more of them BUT ALSO I FEEL LIKE JUST COPYPASTING ALL OF THE#SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST ISNT THAT MUCH MORE EFFORT THAN EDITING A WHOLE YOUTUBE VIDEO? WAAAAAH. THEY DONT NEED TO BE TIMESTAMPED OR#ANYTHING JUST THROW EM IN ILL FIGURE IT OUTTTTTT#anyway. also more than 3 hosts is really pushing my ability to keep track of voices.#anyway: sawbones wtyp tpwky behind the bastards scam goddess#(which is true crime adjacent but focuses mainly on scams and isnt copaganda and laci is funny and cool)#common descent pod completely arbortrary maintenance phase if books could kill#deep sea podcast has more bringing ppl in to interview them about shit than i personally enjoy but i put up with it cos i do like the hosts#and the subject
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now Iām off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because theyāre insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they donāt let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didnāt have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so ā¦ ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but Iām in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, Iām going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isnāt the first time theyāve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. Iām genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because Iām so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because youāre telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, yāall share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then donāt fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because youāre just constantly making shit worse on people since you canāt seem to not fuck around with these meds and not āloseā scripts. fuck out of here.
and Iām pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and Iād still have to walk my ass to one of the ATMās nearby because they donāt accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. š«
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while Iām laying on my fucking side, Iāve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon theyāll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, Iām nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and Iām moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
Iām just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just ā¦ not exist ā¦ for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now š« š
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldnāt cost me $250 ā¦ā¦.. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ā¦ā¦..#but I donāt have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it š« #nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know Iām being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and Iām fucking over it.#plus Iām the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed Iāve got her#all because she couldnāt afford it so I said Iād cover it and she never paid me back. Iāve bought her at least a grandās worth of weed#just over the last couple months and sheās never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ā¦ā¦ā¦ I donāt expect it. I give if I have it. but you canāt even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another āfriendā because they donāt even OFFER to be considerate#of course Iād say not to worry about it but it doesnāt even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but canāt reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because sheās always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you canāt play that you donāt have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that Iām buying every once in a fucking while when Iām already paying for everything fucking else#Iām so angry and I know Iām being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when youāre tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and arenāt so bitter when youāre let down š« š« š« #because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and Iām just.#I actually fucking give up. I donāt even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just canāt fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when Iām off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control itās going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I wonāt feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and thatās fucking bullshit. Iām going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since itāll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. Iām self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because itāll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I canāt control my mind like this. Iām so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and Iāve only been off them for two days
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ik this is probably a regular part of grief especially losing ppl traumatically/unexpectedly but man i am tired of being worried SICK that my loved ones are going to just drop dead and working myself into a panic when i dont hear from them for too long
#i feel like im still in shock that my parents are dead especially the fact that they passed within MONTHS of each other#and my dad just quite literally dropped dead.#realistically i know my brothers just napping but what if heās just dead up there too#hes all i have left i cannot lose him. if i lose him im going with him like thatll be the fucking end for me. i cannot do it anymore#not death but i also lost my other sibling. they went missing and we never found them.#one day people are there the next they arent.#the worst possible thing can always happen.#and once you know it can then nothing seems unbelievable or irrational.#wow i cant beloeve i lost everything i love within 5 years. my entire family besides my brother including all 3 of my pets.#idk how to fucking process all this grief and i dont think i ever will. i feel like im stuck and im never going to get out.#sorry i said id be fucking unbearable while sober and here we are :)
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IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO TRANSITION. THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THEIR 80S TRANSITIONING NOWADAYS, TAKE YOUR TIME <3 <3
thank u, i understand this its just a little hard to continue to cope sumtimes... Like ohh okay i didnt get to grow up a boy... ohhh okay i dont get to be a guy in my 20's either.....ok..........š.......ok.......
#anonymous#skunk mail#and its irrational bc i usually dont even get sad about this kind of thing#like growing up a guy wouldn't have been any different i still wouldve been alone and friendless#and Getting to Transition Right Now wouldnt be all that different either#bc im still alone and at home all day not talking to anyone anyway#but still. theres a pang. i wish i could do it Now i want my life Now
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#sory for not posting art as much anymore i only rlly do commissions atm bc my brain can't rlly Create Original Stuff rn#not rlly art block its jst been rlly horrific past few months for me BUT im fine so its whatevr !#thing is im safe and bills r paid im just.hungry and coping w 79373938 repressed memories coming back in full detail and its ROUGH#but also the fact that im remembering this stuff shows tht im in a safe enough situation to remember it so idk. super trippy stuff#frank.txt#getting access to my hospital records ws simultaneously th worst thing n best thing ive ever done#bc 1. im Not being irrational and my memories are real 2. Uh Oh Those Memories Are Real!#i confronted my mother abt it all and got the worst answer i could get so yeah!!! i havw no energy to do ANYTHING#except commissions and like. sleeping. and makig some bannock with jam#ptsd mention#man idk how 2 tag ths . ill go back to occasionally posting silly pics of my cat EVENTUALLY#no motivation for anything aside frm little things tht makw me feel Less dread LMAO
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#i dunno man#everytime i read some new thing about covid and long covid#i just feel like im losing my marbles#im the only one still masking it feels like#nobody at my drs offices wear them even the soecialists#my therapist acts like this is an irrational fear of mine#so i dont talk about it as much#shes happy im not isolating myself. and not full of crippling guilt when i do go out#which is good#i agree with her on that#but. ive been numbering my bags with my n95s since i rewear them a few times#ive been using n95s since i took this job. three years in october#which is wild the longest ive worked in one place is just over a year--all seasonal work or short internships. not because i leave#or get fired/laid off#but im getting down to the end of the alphabet#i dont know what ill do when i do#literally as far as labels but also like. its a lot you know?#im debating trying new mask styles. i wanted to ages ago but hoped. i wouldnt need to wear them for much longer#now it feels like i always will.#so. second best time to plant a tree and all.#i want to get out and make friends and do fun stuff. but it's so fuckibg hard and scary#how can i make friends when i cant relax in small indoor spaces#when i. cant eat out at restaurants (due to food issues and masking)#when inviting people to my house makes me anxious for days#how can i make friends under those circumstances?#im so lonely. and so envious#of my friends who do stuff and gave partners. i want that for me but i cant have it. before it was because i moved. ecery 3-6 months#now its this. is it realky any wonder that i nearly cried reading that fic the other day#when Etho took off his mask. and it was treated so fucking kindly and like the trust geasture it was? that it would be. for me?#maybe trust is the wrong word. i dont know. comfort? feeling safe in a space with someone who respects me and my health?
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