#but still. theres a pang. i wish i could do it Now i want my life Now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tigerdrop · 3 years ago

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in lieu of doing more strenuous hand-based activities heres the Dogboy Gordon In Heat Megamix ive been talking about. i wrote this over the course of a couple months in an effort to feel okay about writing horny shit again and i only just realized there are nearly 6 thousand words here. and they only really fuck for like 10% of that

ta-dah

ive thought a lot about gordon being stuck back at gordonhouse after getting kicked out of barneyhouse. i think its ripe for a lot of pining. (and yes, he is pining over the guy hes actively banging. hes being a big mopey idiot over the fact that he doesnt get to have his fuckbuddy around 24/7.) absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever and gordons already at a baseline of "wheres benrey. wheres benrey"......and now i am about to turn it up to 11

so lets say......gordons starting to feel weirdly under the weather. sweaty and irritable and tired. hes holing himself up in his room a lot, wrapping himself up in blankets to fight off a chill and a sniffliness that wont go away. and hes gettin awfully moody, too. real fuckin testy. starting shit with freemind for no reason and snapping at og gordon like hes a teenager. and......hes nesting, almost, or at least, gathering up a whole bunch of blankets and pillows and anything that smells vaguely like benrey. (hes not really aware hes doing this last thing.)

basically, long story short, feetman is fucked up. hes pathetic. hes being a huge bitch. at least og gordon feels vaguely sorry for him, and expresses this by way of observing him and trying to treat it. for science. its better than freemind, who just loudly complains about him being a huge bitch and reeking up the place. theres something weird coming from vr gordons corner of the house.....a musky, heady, hormonal kind of thing that makes freemind act simultaneously territorial and irritable and more lascivious than normal. and that also piques og gordons attention, because having both of them be wound up little freaks at the same time is enough to make even the most resilient person pull their hair out

now gordon primes got his suspicions as to whats going on, but hes not gonna tell vr gordon that he suspects hes going into heat. that would compromise the experiment, and all that. so poor gordons just going thru all this shit not knowing what in the fuck is wrong with him and getting more worked up and irritable about it by the day. hes convinced that hes just got the flu, or something......except, uh, haha, jesus christ he is horny all the FUCKING TIME

he doesnt get it! he feels like shit all the time, so why is he constantly fighting off boners and having weird wet dreams and thinking about-- well. his fucking boyfriend, he guesses. (are they boyfriends?? he doesnt know. he gets a weird, sharp pang when he thinks about them not being boyfriends, at this point, but its not like theyve ever talked about it!) gordons half-convinced that hes just losing his mind from being stuck inside all the time and he really just wants to see benrey again. its, like, all he thinks about. (see? hes losing it. theres the proof.)

the sucks thing for everybody else is that gordon is also Extremely Vocal about how shitty he feels and how much he wishes he didnt feel shitty so he could go see benrey and how much he cant stand benrey for not being able to read his mind and come over when he feels bad. eventually freemind gets so sick of his shit that he decides to cut out the middleman and get benrey involved directly. "come take care of your fucking dog before i call the aspca! animal neglect is a crime, asshole!"

(if pressed, freemind would adamantly reject the idea that hes being nice to gordon. but on some level, hes kinda sympathetic. the guys clearly miserable, and he just keeps asking for the same fucking thing. might as well humor him to shut him up.)

vr gordon is completely unaware of these machinations, however. hes just holed up in his room trying to work out what makes him feel better because, uhh, powerade isnt helping

jacking off doesnt do a whole lot for him anymore. like, it feels good, but its not very satisfying. gordon just ends up feeling more restless than anything afterward. and hes always stupid horny. more blankets. a box fan. less blankets. sleeping with one of benreys shirts pressed up to his face. grinding into his pillow when he wakes up hard from yet another weird dream. theyre all a little helpful, and he feels like hes working towards the right thing, somehow, but its never really enough to take the edge off

and then.....he tries......jerking off more. especially when he realizes that its bizarrely soothing to do so while he can smell benrey up close and personal on that stupid shirt of his. better still when he rolls onto his side.....and then his stomach.......rocking his hips into the mattress until he gets the idea to lift his hips a little. and......oh. cool. something kind of......clicks. in his head. as he raises his hips higher while he keeps his arms wrapped around a pillow and benreys shirt jammed against his nose. hes got that lil moment of realization that this is good, actually. this feels like a good move. and its making some of that discomfort melt away

and gordon thinks about.....how it felt. earlier. when they were with barmey. and benrey had him just like this, ass up, face down, and was spreading him apart and licking him open and making him submit and he groans so fucking hard that embarassment just rips through him like lightning. but his tail starting to wag a little faster.....electricity shooting through his belly......and he cant help but wonder. what if benrey had kept going? pulled back and-- maybe, replaced his tongue with his fingers, one at a time, curling them inside him and telling him how well hes behaving and-- and his dick throbs, hard, and gordon realizes he wants fingers inside of himself right fucking now, thank you, hes not fully certain how to accomplish it be he is going to fucking try

(sigh) so my guy figures out about the old fingers in the ass trick. and i need you to understand that i am fully convinced that this is one of those guys who has an uproarious reaction to getting fingers in his ass. mr repressed and uptight over here doesnt really get what the big deal is until he gets braver and pushes a little deeper and hes rock hard in an instant, goodbye, just like everybodys favorite creative writing exercise

and this is what he decides to do for a solid day or two without leaving his room, because, honestly, this is awesome. and the longer he spends jerking off the less time he spends stressing about the fact that his imaginations getting really vivid, here. sure, like, hes no stranger to weird dreams even before this, but this is the first time hes really letting his mind run wild and this dude is nonstop thinking about being bred and gordon still has no fucking idea that hes in heat. doesnt even occur to him

unfortunately this also does not solve his problems but at least it feels baller and it keeps him occupied. also, unfortunately, the increased rate of jerking off is causing a serious uptick in Dog Smells, the effect of which is turning freemind into a nightmare. its just not good vibes in this house. enter: benrey

now i need you to understand that when these two meet up again i want gordon to get Emotional. think about how genuinely excited he gets to see some of his pals in canon. the like......excitement and disbelief when benrey shows up outside his window throwing rocks at it before noclipping in. he forgets to even act pissed off at first. i think it would be super fucking cute for him to drop the game for a moment just out of shock, basically. his tails waggin, his ears are perked up, and hed probably tackle benrey to the ground if he wasnt also a sweaty, trembling mess whos been holed up in his room for days.

and benrey has No Fucking Idea what he has walked in on here. as far as benrey knows, freemind just demanded he get over there and take care of his dog.

(INTERLUDE: here is the part where i gin up a freemind POV of this exact scene. b/c i am out of my fucking mind

so. i had the thought of a freemind POV chapter where hes spying on gordon and benrey.....because. gordons in heat. ive talked about that scenario before too (literally so many FUCKING times okay i just need this dude to have the uncontrollable urge to be bred like a little bitch! and for benrey to take pity on him and make him feel better by nutting in him literally as many times as is physically possible!!!)

but i wanna manifest it in this specific way: from an outside perspective. voyeurism is great and also i have a one track mind and basically the only time i traffic in Other Guys in this fandom anymore is as a participant in gordon and benreys horse shit. Im not apologizing for this

lets say.....vr gordons behavior has been getting worse and worse for "unknown reasons" and freeman prime just sees it as a key observational opportunity for his research. while freeminds getting really irritated at how much its cutting into his normal way of life. for one thing, vr gordons room reeks, and he cant even escape it in his own room! and its turning him into a feisty, aggressive, and loud son of a bitch. but he cant even resolve it in his usual fashion at this point (baiting vr gordon into another competition/fuckfest) b/c gordons being a little sadsack holed up in his room and doesnt wanna play

but also.....he kinda just feels bad for the guy at a certain point. hes clearly really miserable and looks downright ill and all hes asking for is to see his boytoy again. (gordons convinced that hes dying, and feels the need to dramatically speak to benrey one last time before he croaks.) so freemind decides, in all his benevolence, to go over gordon primes head and drag the guy over there anyway. (with machinations, not his literal bare hands. what is he, a caveman?) he reasons that itll be a good opportunity to twist gordons arm into groveling at his feet later

and he spies on the two of them in gordons room.....why? idk. possibly something to do with investigating this relationship between a gordon and a barney that he had yet to fully analyze. tl;dr he gets trapped in their closet for a remix of that one barmey voyeurism chapter b/c why the fuck not

i just.....i dont know.....i think theres something really charming about a 3rd party not being able to fully make out what theyre saying or doing but piecing things together anyway.....like benreys weirdly soft tone of voice when hes talking to a super agitated gordon. as far as any of them know, hes not really like that. he either sounds bored or smug, but either way, its usually straight-up antagonistic

it would make freemind bristle to hear it b/c its almost a mocking tone, but.....it makes gordons shoulders drop and gets him to let go of some of that tension and thats probably fascinating to watch. literally soothing him like a stressed out dog, huh. smoothing back his hair and murmuring things in a low, even tone that freeminds enhanced hearing still isnt good enough to make out. (the guy mumbles, okay? he needs a fucking toastmasters meetup.)

it would equal parts horrify and fascinate freemind, in my onion. watching a version of himself fall that hard into the loyal pet role.....its pathetic! for all that gordon goes on about not being a slave to his instinct or whatever, he sure is doing a bad job of acting like it! its like watching himself, but worse.

and benreys having to soothe him like a startled animal b/c he doesnt even know whats wrong with himself, but theres something thick enough on the air that even benrey can smell it, and hes taking some stabs at the dark. especially with how charged some of the shit gordons saying is......"i cant fucking take it anymore", "you smell so good", "i dont know whats wrong with me, man, my dick hasnt gone down for days and im pretty sure i need a doctor-- no, a real one, not the other gor-- NOT a vet, JESUS"

and the whole time.....freeminds peeking from behind a closet door. watching them devolve from outright hostility into "gordon climbing into benreys lap and shoving one of benreys hands up his shirt and demanding that he fucking touch him already"

normally i dont think freemind would be averse to a little bit of voyeurism, here. if it was anybody else, hed probably at least engage in a little heavy petting. but this is getting weird, man. he cant shake the uncanny feeling that this is something too intimate for him to be watching. for one thing, gordons whimpering like a goddamn dog just from a little necking, and for two, hes never really been the kind of guy to watch people make out for 15 minutes before they get to the good stuff

its just kind of unsettling how much these two clearly really, really like each other at this point. its not like watching gordon prime give vr gordon a handjob as part of a "test". freemind expected more of a hatefuck kind of deal out of these two, what with how often gordons normally going on about how much he hates the guy, what a pain in the ass benrey is, how he just wishes benrey would stop jerking him around.....etc. freemind could shit himself right now. that lying bitch!

i imagine its also kind of painful, on a personal level, for him to watch this borderline-sappy shit. he cant even fathom being on the receiving end of that behavior, let alone from......well. theyve all got their barneys, right? and gordon primes basically doomed himself to incel status b/c he wont nut up and do anything about it. freemind just assumed they were all in the same boat: cursed to casual sex with their roommates/clones, forever, and unable to achieve any kind of intimacy b/c all 3 gordons are fucked up in the exact same way. since theyre all just diff flavors of the same fucking guy, right?

well, theres the evidence that hes wrong. and that vr gordons better than him, somehow. thats gotta suck, bro

anyway then he watches vr gordon get railed in the ass a bunch and jerks off anyway b/c its still hot. see ya)

“take care of your dog”. huh. hes got no clue what that means but, yknow, he does kinda miss his dog. hasnt seen gordon in awhile. and he immediately comments "wow. you look fucked up" in as blunt and unsympathetic a way as possible. but gordons so far gone that he cant even work up a good anger about it. he is pretty fucked up, man. and benrey sits on the bed and slaps his forehead with a palm to take his temperature (and that gets gordon to bitch at him, finally, that thats not how you do it, asshole) and judges that, uh, he is hot. in his expert opinion

and thats when gordon kinda grabs his sleeve and tugs it and starts tryin to say something. hes really bad at it, because he is having to perform the mortifying task of Owning Up To It, but eventually he manages to grind out that he needs benrey to touch him, please. just pet him. something. he feels really bad and he just needs benrey to scratch his fucking ears. this is the most gordon can cop to in one go, and it is such a sad struggle to watch, but benreys caught off guard by it and he feels weirdly bad for gordon upon hearing it so hes just like "whoa, okay" when gordon tugs his hand to his head

gordon groans the moment his fingernails start scratching behind the ears and digging into his scalp. even just that much feels really fucking good. its comforting, for one thing, and its benrey, for another, and the physical touch feels so fucking good right now that goosebumps are crawling down his neck. gordon cant help but lean against benrey and bury his head in the crook of his shoulder. he wants to hide his face from scrutiny and he wants to get closer but he doesnt know how to say what his fucking problem is

and benreys weirdly quiet. just kinda mumbling and shushing him intermittently, awkward and not sure what to do b/c this is a level of intimacy he was not expecting but gordons sure is responding nicely to a second hand in his hair

so having both of benreys hands scratching at his scalp is really getting to gordon. hes scritchin behind the ears and gordons tails wagging at a mile a minute. the feelings making goosebumps race down his neck and arms. he starts kind of mumbling something into benreys shoulder, how hes been feeling so fucked up lately, and he squirms a little closer. hes not really aiming for anywhere in particular but every neuron thats firing in him right now is telling him to get closer. make contact. he missed the fucking guy, what can he say.

and one of benreys hands......slips down to gordons face. his jaw. a thumb pushing into that soft little divot between his jaw and neck, like hes trying to push up into gordons fucking teeth. its weird and bizarrely intrusive, but benreys hand is broad and warm and gordon leans into it anyway, groaning with relief. its not like its not doing anything for him. kind of the opposite, actually. then he palms at gordons neck, and gordon starts breathing harder. he can feel his heartbeat rabbit-fast, pushing against benreys skin (and theres no way benrey isnt feeling that, too).

benrey eyes are lidded and his breaths starting to get heavier, too. naturally, yknow, since gordons practically draped over him right now, melting all the more the longer benrey keeps petting him. oxytocin is crazy, man, especially when a guys in the full throes of some kind of chemical meltdown of the glands. gordons eyes are screwed shut, tail thumping furiously against the bed, and hes panting at benreys neck like hes a fucking dog. he just doesnt know how to articulate what the fuck his problem is

benrey smells insanely good to him right now, and gordon just blurts that out. benrey gives him some shit for it, but when gordon only makes a weird noise in response and fists his hands in benreys hoodie, it makes him shut up real quick. hes squeezing out words about feeling like he needs something, but its clearly a fucking effort. its almost pitiful

so. gordons crawled right into benreys lap, too impatient after days and days of feeling like this (you know, being in heat, in so many words). hes been pounding off like crazy, that brand new collar of his strapped to his neck nearly every time b/c hes that desperate to feel… well. *benrey*. he cant fucking jerk off to thoughts of anything else - porn doesnt do it for him, and his fantasies slip right back to the same thing every single time. its frustrating! hes bisexual, for gods sake! its not like hes normally immune to the wiles of the Phat Ass White Girl, but lately he just keeps ending up on his hands and knees and whining benreys name into his pillow and he couldnt focus on a girls rack if he tried

point being. hes being awfully fucking demanding. (and also, hes wearing the collar *right fucking now)*. he shoves benreys hand up his shirt and shivers the moment he makes contact with gordons burning-hot flesh. and hes demanding that benrey touch him already, jesus, hes losing his mind! and benreys just crooning at him, “bossy, huh,” but hes scritching gordons ears and palming at his side and nosing at gordons neck and gordon starts to feel like hes melting into it. his protests at being talked down to are perfunctory at best

benrey licks a stripe up gordons neck and starts muttering his stupid horseshit right in gordons ear and it makes gordon clutch his shoulders so tight, claws digging into the meat of him. benreys kind of into it, though, and it just makes him laugh, low and harsh and right in gordons ear. that just makes gordons problem worse. he lets out quiet, nasal whines on every exhale, like a literal fucking dog.

he starts teasing, like, “haha, you’re *gagging* for it, bro,” but gordon doesnt respond with the defensiveness he expects. instead, its like opening a floodgate - he is, hes fucking *desperate*, okay, his dick hasnt gone down in days and he wants benrey so bad he cant see straight and he cant stop thinking about him and all of this comes tumbling out of him at once. gordons trying to press himself as close to benrey as he can physically get, legs straddling benreys lap and arms clutched tight around his back. and when benrey prods a little more, tells gordon to say what hes been thinkin about, gordon starts to pant, squeezing his eyes shut. but he cant bring himself to do anything more than choke and stutter on the words

hes half-hard in his underwear already (and, lets be be clear, he was only in boxer briefs and a tank top to begin with. hes sweating buckets and its the least amount of clothing he could get away with wearing around the house) and his tails thumping a mile a minute and hes so far gone, just from benrey talking down to him and kissing his neck and scratching his ears. but hes not budging yet, so benrey slides that hand on his ears over to his ponytail and *yanks*. tells him, “speak.” gordons dick twitches rapidly, and he lets out a sharp sound, and he finally says it: he needs benrey to *fuck* him, jesus

benrey lets out a harsh breath at that. “yeah? thats what puppy wants?” and the nickname should blister him, make him feel to embarrassed to continue, but gordons too desperate to care. he just starts spewing a litany of “god yes”s and “please”s. hes getting harder and harder, pressed up against benreys belly, and benrey can *feel* it. “good boy,” he mutters, and those claws dig harder, that panting gets louder and harsher

he slips a hand around to gordons back, rubbing slowly for a moment as if to soothe him, and then slides it under the back of gordons boxers. and lower still. starts rubbing at gordons hole. that gets a quiet “oh god” out of gordon.

gordon cant help himself - he rocks forward against benrey, just a little, rubbing his bulge against what he realizes is benreys *extremely* hard dick in his sweatpants. hes not the only one whos got it bad. but he *is* the only one whispering, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as benrey pushes a little further, makes as if hes about to breach gordon dry. the poor guys so needy that he probably wouldnt even argue!

but benrey just stares at him, wide eyed and flushed, mouth hanging open a little. gordons so hot for this that it surprises the both of them.

anyway after some boring position finagling benrey coaxes gordon onto his hands and knees, running a broad hand down gordons shaking back. and he pulls back gordons tail, exposing him. its so fucking humiliating - gordons got his face buried in a pillow, and his ass in the air, and hes never felt so *vulnerable* before. he wants to argue, he wants to lift his head and look back to make sure that everythings, like, okay back there - benreys staring at his entire asshole, okay, and he wasnt exactly anticipating benrey making a house call to fuck him in the ass - but every time he lifts his head, or starts to say something neurotic about it, benrey chides him about it. clicks his tongue. tells him, “hey. dogs dont talk” or “i said *bow*, bro”.

for all his insisting that hes a real guy, that hes not just a dog, gordons feeling less and less like a human and more like something in thrall to his instincts. the condescension rankles like it always does, but doing what benrey tells him to feels good. feels natural. presenting himself like this feels like what hes *supposed* to do. it doesnt stop him from running his mouth entirely, but it helps to mitigate some of the embarrassment.

and then… benrey *licks*. gordon tenses and gasps. he doesnt know how benrey can stand it, its gotta be, like, unhygienic! but that didnt scare him off the last time they tried this, and its not like gordon hasnt thought about it since. hes thought about it a lot, actually. but hes been too neurotic to ask for it. benreys not stupid, though. hes a good dog owner (at least, so he thinks) and hes gonna take care of his dog. so he licks again, and again, pressing a little harder against gordons hole on each pass with the broad side of his tongue until he dares to breach it with the tip.

gordons rock hard again in an instant. his dick hangs between his legs and drips onto the sheets. he digs his fingers into the pillow now, tearing holes in its surface with those sharp nails of his, and he makes embarrassingly high noises that he muffles into into the pillow, too. hes tense, hes so fucking tense, he should be clamping down and making benreys task really fucking hard, but theres bright pink sweet voice dripping from his hole and benreys rubbing the side of his thigh in an effort to soothe him and both of these things work in tandem to get him to relax. and benrey works his tongue in further, further than a human ought to.

the tip was one thing, but it gets wider as benrey pushes it in, and its just as good as it was before - better, even, because now its just the two of them, just a master and his dog, and benreys the only one he wants to see him like this. bent over and whimpering. he cant— he cant stomach the thought of anybody else doing this to him. hell, there was a point once where the idea of stomaching *benrey* doing this to him would have made him laugh. but here he is. benreys fucking him open with his tongue and pressing against something thats making him see stars and gordon just wants *more*. he says it so sweet, too, voice growing hoarse and raw as he begs benrey to just fucking do it already, he doesnt wanna come like this!

gordon gets so worked up and emotional about it that benrey takes the time to scratch behind his ears again, shushing him and telling him to chill. benreys got him. hes been a good dog, and good dogs get treats. hearing the words “good dog” makes gordons entire body flush. thats all he wants, really. he wants to be a good dog. he wants to be *told*. he blurts out, “oh my god— say it again,” and benreys like, “huh? say what? youre gonna have to be more specific,” clicking the last syllable. it makes all the hairs on gordons head rise and prickle with shame. the best he can do is mumble it into his pillow.

benrey hears it, though, and tugs at gordons collar from behind, just enough to raise his head. “whassat? you want me to call you a good boy?” gordon cant bring himself to answer that directly, but his stupid body betrays him by making him whine. jesus christ, yes, thats all he WANTS! he needs benrey to be good and nice to him for once in his fucking life and give him what he wants instead of taking, taking, taking! but benrey just tells him that hes gonna have to earn it. gonna have to be *real* good for him. gordon could fucking snarl at that, but benreys pulling back to rub his dick between gordons cheeks and against his hole and that shuts him up pretty fast because hes *so close* to getting what he wants and hes not about to fuck it up now by running his big dumb mouth

and then… he starts to push in. that sweet voice has loosened gordon up enough to take even benrey, who, uh, is definitely the bigger of the two, in that regard. he goes slow, uncharacteristically so, and gordons chest heaves with the force of how hard hes breathing. a quiet string of “oh god”s spills out of him as he tries to crane his neck back to watch. the head breaches him with a strange popping sensation, and benrey groans, loud, as the rest of him slides in with little resistance in comparison. “good,” he pants in turn, “youre takin it so good,” and—

and gordon comes, in weak, aborted spurts. it snuck up on him. he clenches so fucking tightly that it winds benrey a little. he breathes out, “whoa. did you—” but gordon just begs him to shut up, keep going, hes not— hes not done yet, its always like this, its not *enough*. his dick barely even flags afterward, it just hangs there, achingly hard and dripping with cum. benrey cant even find it in himself to make fun of him. he wants it so fucking bad, doesnt he? and he feels so good, so fucking tight and slick around benrey that the only thought running through his head is “gotta take care of my dog gotta fuck my best friend gotta nut in him and make him howl”. so he pushes himself alllll the way in until theyre pressed together, skin to skin.

then he starts to move. slow, careful thrusts, more for benreys benefit than gordons. if hes not careful, hes gonna blow his load, right then and there, and hes trying to make it good for gordon, too, okay? unlike *some* of them, hes not gonna bust in two minutes and then spend the next half hour crying and trauma-dumping to the guy hes still got his dick inside of.

once he thinks hes got a grip, though, benrey starts fucking him in earnest, and that changes gordons vocalizations from weak little whimpers into something louder. less restrained. hes given up any pretense of being quiet so that his other selves dont hear that hes snuck his boytoy into his room. just loud, wordless moans on each thrust, initially muffled into the pillow but soon spilling into the wider room when he turns his head to catch his breath. the only words hes managing are “oh god” and “please” and “benrey, benrey, *benrey*”, and benrey just responds to him like, “yeah? thats good? fuuuck, bro, so good for me,” all short of breath and barely able to speak himself

he wants to see gordons face. he *needs* to see gordons face. needs to see what hes doing to him, needs to see that cute fuckin blush of his. so he tugs on gordons collar again, bringing him to his hands and knees properly instead of that bowing position. and then further still - pulls him back so that benreys on his knees, and gordons on his knees in turn, on his lap, cock still buried inside of him and fucking him in short, hurried thrusts. “paws up,” benrey tells him, and gordon does it. instantly. no resistance. just folds them at his chest like a real dog would.

“whos a good boy?” benrey croons, right in his ear again. gordon gasps, “i-i am!”

“yeah? youre a good boy?” nod, wail. “whose— whose good boy are you?”

and gordon chokes on his response. he cant say it, he *cant*, he doesnt want to be benreys but he does, he *does*. he doesnt want to be benreys because its not fucking fair! he cares so fucking much! so much more than benrey does, it feels like, obsessing over the guy like hes wrapped thorny vines all around gordons heart and he cant so much as shift in his seat without feeling the tug and the ache and thinking of benrey again. and benrey doesnt care, he never fucking cares, except—

except he showed up at gordons house, in his room. without even being asked. like he knew something was wrong. and he— hes always talking to gordon, shooting him stupid texts just to make him laugh. scheduling *date nights* for them. date nights where, yeah, maybe they couldnt see each other in person, and maybe they always end in some kind of depraved sexual act, but its not like gordons not into it. hes frighteningly into it, actually. and hes *so* into hearing benreys voice, low and crooning, right in his ear, and seeing him lean on an elbow and smile at him afterward. its— its practically genuine. and benreys always making excuses to talk with him, do things with him, watch stupid fucking movies that only gordon cares about and stream with him on twitch to help boost his subscriber count and—

and—

oh god. maybe he *does* care. that might be more terrifying than the alternative.

then benrey yanks the collar again. presses the whole of gordons back against his front in one hot, unbroken line. and asks, “i said, whose good boy are you, bro? *speak.*”

“benrey,” he blurts out, a ragged moan, “d-dont make me sa-AY it, oh god—”

“no?” benrey stills suddenly. his hands keep gordon stuck in place, unable to move or bounce or feel benrey shift inside of him. “thats, uh… thats too bad, friend. this trains for good boys only. good dogs go to heaven 2. no bad dogs allowed. gonna have to, uhh, escort you off—”

“im not a bad dog!”

“i dunno, gordo. bein’ kind of, uh… disobedient.”

(sorry. thats all i got . byeeee)

#this is so far from finished b/c A) im a coward now and B) typing qith my left hand sucks so i dont wanna do it right now. Sorry #writin stuff

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e-of-west-glendia · 4 years ago

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For the very amazing and wonderful and super super kind @sirrriusblack. I cannot believe I’ve only known you for a year and I’m so so glad I know you Kay Kay. Happy birthday and I love you so very very much.

~~~~~~

The dorm was silent at this time of night. Everyone had gone to bed hours ago and the only sound came from the soft rise and fall of people breathing and the quiet rustling of the curtains.

Marlene always insisted on leaving the window partially open. Lily could never figure out why but she just went with it.

The autumn breeze blew the curtains around causing them to look like ghosts under the pale light of the moon.

They’re mesmerizing to watch, and quite frankly Lily doesnt have anything better to do.

She’s found that she can’t sleep. Her homework had been done hours ago and everyone else had gone to bed. So curtain staring is currently her best source of entertainment.

Although it’s beginning to grow boring. It’s only so long that you can stare at strips of fabric fluttering with the wind.

She’s not sure what makes her decide, but next thing Lily knows she’s pulling on a pair of shoes and leaving the dorm. Heading down the stairs and making her way swiftly to the portrait hole.

It’s chilly in the hallway, and the silence makes her footfalls echo across the stone.

She lets her feet carry her wherever they wish, not quite paying attention to where she’s going.

However, when she reaches the quidditch pitch, it becomes apparent what her subconscious is doing.

She sighs a bit. “Of all the places.”

No use turning back now, she’s already here. Besides, she wanted to get out of the dorm and now she is.

If it was cold inside the halls of the school, it’s freezing out on the pitch. Whats even better is that Lily realizes that she forgot a jumper, or anything warmer than pajamas, really.

She sits on the ground, deciding to lay back in the grass. It’s peaceful out here, quiet. Lily can’t help but let her eyes close as she enjoys the peace being outside brings.

“Well you’re out late.”

The voice startles her despite its familiarity and she jolts upwards.

Jamec chuckles from where he hovers in the air on his broom. “Sorry,” he says, running his free hand through his hair and offering a somewhat sheepish smile. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

Lily ignores the way her heart skips at beat at his laugh and soft smile.

“You’re one to talk,” she counters. “I’m not the only one outside.”

James snickers. “You got me there,” he says, hopping off the broom and sitting beside her. “What are you doing out here?”

Lily shrugs. “Couldn't sleep. You?”

James leans back onto his elbows, another one of his signature smiles tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Captain of the quidditch team, Lils. Take every moment to train that I can.”

Lily raises an eyebrow. “It’s three in the morning, James.”

“Okay fine,” he sighs. “Couldn't sleep. Better?”

“Much.”

James just laughs and rolls his eyes, laying back and then folding his arms behind his head.

The two of them stay like that for a while, staring up at the stars.

“You just come out here when you can’t sleep?.” Lily asks eventually.

“Yep. So do you apparently.”

“Wasn’t intentional. Just kind of let my feet carry me, yknow.”

James turns onto his side, grinning. “Thinking about me Evans?”

Yes, she thinks.

“In your dreams, Potter,” she says, which only makes James laugh again.

Lily has to suppress a sigh. She’s started noticing things. The sort of things she’d have ignored last year and the year before.

Things like the way James’s eyes crinkle in the corners when he laughs. The dimples on his cheeks and the one on his chin. The way his eyelashes curl ever so slightly, just enough so that they don’t touch his glasses.

James stands so suddenly it almost startles her as much as when he arrived.

“Where are you going?”

James shrugs. “Flying.”

“Now?” Lily asks, slightly incredulous.

James nods at his already floating and previously abandoned broom. “Yep. Can’t see why not.”

“You’re blind enough in the daylight James, it’s not even remotely sunny out.”

He waves a nonchalant hand at her. “Quidditch Captain instincts.”

“You’re an idiot, Potter,” she mutters. Although if she’s being perfectly honest she’s thinking he’s several other things too.

“Maybe,” he says.

Lily shakes her head. “Definitely.”

She watches as James climbs back on his broom, expecting him to take off at any moment.

“You’re staring,” James points out.

“I’m not.” It probably sounds a bit too indignant to be believable and Lily is suddenly very thankful for how the darkness covers most of the blush that’s spread across her cheeks.

James only chuckles. “If you say so.”

He regards her curiously for a moment.

“Look who’s staring now.”

“Not staring, thinking.”

“About?”

James shrugs a bit. “You should come with me.”

Lily blinks in confusion. It takes a solid thirty seconds of staring at him blankly for it to click.

“Oh you mean up there,” she shakes her head quickly. “Yeah, no, I don’t fly.”

“Well you wouldn’t be,” he says and Lily rolls her eyes.

“You know what I meant.”

“Did I?”

“James.”

“Well where’s the harm in it.”

“Well theres-“ she stops short, not able to think of any suitable reasons.

“I was made quiddtich captain for a reason, Evans. Wasn't because I can’t fly.”

Lily just sighs.

“Do you trust me?” He asks.

And she does, probably a lot more than she should.

Its why she finds herself standing and walking to his side.

“Yes, I do.”

The smile he gives her in return makes this idiotic sky adventure worth it.

A breeze spins through the air and Lily, who is rather forcibly reminded that she should’ve brought something warmer, shivers.

It doesn’t escape James’ notice and he frowns.

“You’re cold,” he says.

Lily snorts. “I didn’t notice.”

Then, before she can protest it, James has taken off his jumper and is extending it to her.

“Take it,” he says upon seeing the look on her face. “Really, I mean it. I’ll be warm enough when we get in the air.”

It’s never been a good idea to try and argue something with James Potter. So with no more protest than a small sigh, she slips it over her head.

The jumper is warm, about three sizes too big, and despite being the standard quidditch sweater, it’s distinctly James.

“Thanks,” she mutters.

“Anytime, Lils,” he returns. Then, “You probably want to get on now, can’t do much flying if you’re still standing there.”

“Oh, right.”

She settles herself onto the back of the broom. And after a quick check in, they take off.

Lily can’t help the way her arms tighten around James’ waist as they pitch upwards.

“Alright, Evans?” He asks, and Lily can feel the way his small laugh vibrates through his chest.

“Mhm yep.”

She’s trying mostly not to think about how far down the ground is. Or why the hell anyone would want to play quidditch.

As if sensing this, James says, “Eyes up, Lils. All the interesting things are up here.”

She hums in agreement as she looks up at the stars.

“Hold on,” James whispers and then he leans forward a bit.

How fast they’re going is soon lost to Lily as they streak across the grounds of the school. Spiraling upwards towards the top of the astronomy tower and then down to the lake, low enough for her fingers to skim the water.

She’s starting to see why he likes it up here. Nothing but the stars, the sky, and the air. The air that's fanning her hair out around her face and makes James smile as it brushes his face.

There’s a moment when when he turns back to look at her. The corners of his eyes crinkling into his telltale smile.

Of all the people she had to fall for at school it had to be James Potter.

The one boy she’d spent years being annoyed with and trying to ignore. And now, after all this time, he was the one she wanted the most. The irony of it was that since they had become friends, it seemed as though he wanted it to stay that way. Lily could deal with being friends. It was better than whatever the hell had been going on in years prior.

Or perhaps it wasn’t. At least then she didn’t feel the small pang in her chest when he smiled at her.

They touch back down onto the ground far too soon for Lily’s liking. James gets down first, offering a hand to help her jump down.

She lets her hand stay in his far longer than she should’ve and when she looks up at him to see if he’s noticed, she finds that he’s looking in the other direction.

“Well?” He asks when he finally turns back.

“Okay, I’ll admit that was fun.”

The triumphant look on his face makes her laugh.

“Don’t get too excited. Quidditch is still a ridiculous sport.”

“I’ll take what I can get,” he says.

She walks with him as he puts his broom away, and then the two of them walk back into the castle, all the way up to Gryffindor tower.

It’s not until she’s at the foot of the stairs to her dorm that she realizes she still has his sweater on.

“Oh! I forgot to give this back!” She’s staring to take it off, but he stops her by placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Keep it,” he says. “I’ve got plenty.”

She doesn’t have an answer for that and it’s not long before James says goodnight and heads up to his own room.

Later, when she’s back in her bed, Lily finds herself staring at that curtain again. She’s fiddling with a loose seam on one of the sleeves as she looks at the curtain.

The way the red and gold of it billows in the wind. It reminds her of when they were flying, and suddenly the curtain looks much less like a ghost and more and more like James.

She supposes that they’re the same things. The curtain ghost and James Potter. Like a ghost, James Potter is someone she can’t have.

But at least they’re friends she thinks. And as she falls asleep in the jumper he gave her she slowly realizes that maybe, that’s not enough for her.

#It’s kinda fluffy???#ish??#I’m an angst writer #I can’t fluff #but here have an offering of my Jily hyperfixation #hopefully I didn’t switch tenses a bajillion times #but ah well it happens #anyways #HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAYAKKK #I LOVE YOUUU #James Potter #Lily Evans #jily #jily headcanon #jily fic #Marauders era #Harry Potter

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ezrasarm · 4 years ago

Text

Loving You Too Late

[ day 3 | angstaggedon masterlist ]

Pairing: Frankie “Catfish” Morales x Reader

Word count: 4.6K

Summary: You and Frankie have loved each other for a long time. You’re just a little out of synch.

Warnings: Angst, a tad bit of cheating (more like brief romantic overlap), language, main characters being idiots, oh and theres a funeral too

Credits: A massive thank you to @chaotic-noceur and @din-damn-djarin for beta reading and listening to me complain about how much of an idiot I am for deciding to write this! I don’t know that I would have finished it without your encouragement and now it’s the longest oneshot in my repertoire!

A/N: “Let’s write oneshots!” we said. “It’ll be fun!” we said. “Just connect the bullet points!” we said… 4.6K words later. Yeah we really have no self control at all do we?

You and Frankie had known one another pretty much all your lives. Your parents both had cottages on the same small lake where you would spend most of your summers. His place was just two doors down from your own so you knew who he was through community events and simply for being the “Morales Kid”. You hadn’t really gotten to know him until one summer when you applied for a job at the general store just across the lake. He was working stocking shelves the same year. You don’t think you’ll ever forget that first shift you shared together. You hadn’t seen him in a couple of years and you could hardly believe the name tag clipped to his shirt labelled “Frankie” when you first set eyes on him. He’d grown up a lot in the meantime. He was taller, his shoulders had broadened and he was more solidly built than the lanky little kid you’d known him as for so long. But the mop of wild chestnut curls on top of his head that he hid under a beat-up and salt-stained truckers cap assured you it was him.

It was the boredom of day-long shifts in the near-empty store that made the two of you overcome your timid demeanours. It started with you offering him a soda on one of your lunch breaks. That turned into long conversations with one another when your boss was nowhere to be seen, sending goofy looks to each other over the shoulders of unsuspecting customers, and stealing the occasional ice cream from the freezer. Soon just hanging out at work turned into hanging out whenever you got the chance. You peering over his shoulder as he tinkered with boat motors he’d salvaged from the brink of death. Him timing you when you would swim lengths between the neighbour’s dock and your own. Before you knew it you were taking any excuse you could to spend time with one another, until it came to the point where you didn’t even need an excuse at all. Suddenly you and this shy kid with his feet on the ground and his head in the clouds were inseparable.

Of course, Frankie being Frankie didn’t realize what that clenching feeling that rose in his chest every time he set eyes on you was until it wasn’t there anymore. Summer had to come to an end at some point, and with it you two were reluctantly dragged away to your respective ends of the state to finish off school. The almost seven-hour drive between you complicated your usual hangout rituals but you took to calling one another whenever you got the chance. Frankie’s friends would tease him for it but he practically sprinted across the room whenever the phone rang. He had thick skin. He brushed them off when they would hoot or holler and make kissing sounds at the mention of your name. “She’s not my girlfriend.” He would remind them through an irritated roll of his eyes whenever they would ask about you. What he hadn’t realized was that the annoyance he felt towards them wasn’t because of their mocking tone or their rowdy demeanours but because a part of him wished you were.

It was a Friday night after you had ended your call with a heavy yawn and an apology that you had to go to sleep because you were up early that morning. A goofy smile lingered on his face as he flopped back into his bed, that infectious laugh of yours was still ringing in his ears when that feeling washed over him again. The same one that made his stomach flip when you would shoot him a grin from the checkout of the shop. The one that made his blood boil when his friends would joke at him for making you up. The one that made his heart break when the line went dead after you hung up. The one that made his palms sweat and his heart hammer against his ribcage at the mere thought of you. Suddenly it hit him like a freight train all at once. It was too obvious to deny any more. He was completely, absolutely and utterly head over heels for you.

But as school work ramped up and your agenda got fuller and fuller, your calls became fewer and farther in between. A quick ‘hello’, ‘what’s new?’, ‘nothing much’ and a ‘sorry, I gotta go’. There were a few times where he almost let it slip. The conversation would come to a lull and his eyes would fall to his feet. His hand would instinctively come to scratch the back of his neck as he readjusted his grip on the phone. He would even start the sentence. “Listen, uh” Then he’d shake the thought away. As desperate as he had grown to tell you how he felt he couldn’t bring himself to do it over the phone. He needed to see your face. He wanted to lock his gaze onto those beautiful eyes of yours and see your reaction. His skin crawled at the idea of the words tumbling out of his mouth only for you to go silent and that dreaded tone to ring through the line telling him you had hung up. He would tell you this summer, he promised himself. Just a few months. He could hang on that long.

Which he did. He had a speech planned by the time he watched your car pull up the driveway to the small wooden cabin you called your home every summer. A smile broke across his face as he stood up from the doorstep where he had been waiting to greet you. You came barrelling out of the car the moment it came to a full stop, just about knocking him over with the force you collided to envelop him in a tight hug.

“Why are you crying, you big baby?” He teased when you pulled away only for him to see your eyes were watery with unshed tears.

“Because I missed you, you idiot!” You force out a laugh, whacking the visor on his cap lightly so it fell down in over his line of sight before wiping away the damp from around your temples with the heel of your palm.

Frankie’s heart is hammering in his chest when he parts his lips to speak again. He’s got the words on the tip of his tongue when a voice he doesn’t recognize emerges from behind you. “So you’re the famous Frankie I’ve heard so much about!” He feels the smile on his face drop the moment his eyes fall on the stranger in question who has now tucked his arm around your waist. “I’m Mike.” He says, an amiable smile on his face as he extends a free hand to shake. Frankie hesitates a moment, his confession from before still lodged in the back of his throat. He has to choke it down with a curt smile before he accepts the gesture. He’s not sure how long he stands there, politely nodding along to the conversation, his mind elsewhere as you make introductions he’s not ready to hear. You looked so happy together he can’t help but feel out of place. He’s not even sure what words he used to excuse himself as he retreats down the beaten dirt path that leads back to his place.

He’d never felt his emotions flip on their head so fast he felt he might have vertigo. Yet here he was, his head spinning and the taste of bile bitter on his tongue. He felt like a fool. Wracking his brain for any sign you could’ve given him, any warning that would have told him to stop. Stop loving you as though that were a thing that was within his power to do. He’s got every phone call you had shared since you left playing on repeat in his head but he keeps coming up empty. You gave him nothing. That or he was too selfishly consumed in his own ardency for you that it hadn’t even occurred to him that you might already have your own… for someone else.

“Hey, where were you?” You asked him from where you’d perched yourself on the stretch of dock just in front of the boathouse. His boathouse. Your toes just barely skimmed the surface of the calm water sending ripples across the lake. It had been three days that you hadn’t seen him, a long stretch by your standards. At first, you had simply put it down to him being busy. Maintaining his parent’s property was no small feat and there was no one there to help him yet this season. But the longer you went without a sign of him the more worried you started to get.

“Had to pick up gas for the boat.” He said, jostling the jerrycan in his grasp and you formed your mouth into an ‘o’ as you nodded in understanding.

“Did it strand you in the middle of the lake again?” You ask a smug grin pulling at the corner of your lip as you recall the time you saw him fruitlessly rowing the old fishing boat against the wind with only one ore and had to go out there and rescue him yourself.

“No,” He scolds you genially as he comes to sit next to you with a heavy sigh. “...not this time.” He adds, causing an affable chuckle, one that made his heart skip a beat in his chest, to escape you. It’s only when he catches himself staring at your up-quirked lips that he has to clear his throat. A pang of guilt that hasn’t quite become custom yet is nagging at the back of his mind as his gaze falls in front of him.

“Where’s Mike?” He asks hesitantly, not entirely sure he wants an answer to that question yet.

“He left this morning.” You say. He hates that the sombre note to your voice actually gives him an ounce of hope for a moment. “He has to be back in town for work on Monday.”

“Ah, a city boy.” Frankie teases in an attempt to muffle his own disappointment and you jostle him with your shoulder chidingly.

“Hey, lay off.” You laugh softly before your tone shifts and those upturned corners of your mouth drop wistfully. “I thought you’d like him.” You said, quieter now as though you weren’t convinced you wanted him to hear it.

He hated the way you looked up at him, your eyes blown wide with such expectation. He hated that his opinion mattered and that it wasn’t the one you wanted to hear. Because that was just it. Frankie did like him. Or at least he couldn’t bring himself to hate him. He should like him and yet the mere mention of ‘Mike’ made him want to punch a wall. He’d been hiding away this entire weekend because he could hardly stand the thought of looking you in the eye when he couldn’t tell you the one thing that had been playing in his mind on a loop for months. Yet here you were, forcing his hand and he couldn’t even be mad about it. He was just so desperate to be near you.

“I- yeah.” He clears his throat as his gaze falls to the water, and a pregnant pause fills the air. You purse your lips as it hits you that he’s less enthused about this introduction than you had hoped he would be. “Why didn’t you tell me about him?” He huffs out softly through an obviously feigned attempt at a smile. But the truth was you didn’t know. Or at least you didn’t want to know. You couldn’t figure out why but something in the back of your mind had told you it would hurt him. And with the look on his face as you tried to come up with a decent answer, he was beginning to prove you right.

“I don’t know.”

You hadn’t intended for it to work out this way. But that just so happened to be the last conversation you had with him. You left for university and the next thing you heard, he had shipped out and joined the army. Perhaps it would have stung a little less had he been the one to tell you, but you had to hear it through your parents when you went home for mid-term break. Everything about the way you left things with him made you sick to your stomach. You had drifted apart from your fair share of friends over the years. It was never easy. It always hurts. But it had never hurt like this. It took you years to find out why.

“Whatever happened to you two?” Margaret, the next-door neighbour who lived just between your cottage and Frankie’s, asked, looking fondly at the scrapbook in her lap. “You were always so cute together.” She added, her voice warbling with what she excused as ‘age’. She had come over briefly to borrow something when you invited her in for a drink and she caught sight of the picture book on the coffee table.

“Who?” You asked, leaning over to take a look at the photo. “Oh, we weren’t… together.” You interjected, feeling childish for the way you avoided the implication that you and Frankie had ever been a couple at all costs.

“Really?” She asked, leaning back to quirk an eyebrow at you skeptically. “Try telling him that.” She scoffed, plucking another photo from the binder. It was the two of you at the end of your dock. You were flaunting the tiny ass fish you had caught for the camera as though you had just caught that night’s dinner. But what grabbed your attention wasn’t the goofy look on your face, the ridiculous stance you had adopted, or the fish you were holding cautiously at an arm’s length. It was Frankie, his gaze set unflinchingly on you.

“Really, we were just… friends.” You try to explain, but you’re too distracted by the admiring look in his eyes and lopsided grin at his lips to sound entirely convinced by yourself.

“All I know is that the way he is looking at you,” she says, prodding a shaky finger at the photograph, “is not how friends look at one another.” She concluded before dropping the subject altogether.

Sure, it had crossed your mind from time to time. The idea of you and Frankie being together wasn’t all too outlandish. You could see how she might have been confused after all. You got along well, you spent a lot of time together, you cared about him deeply and dare you say you even loved him but-

You loved him.

The thought had implanted itself in your mind before you could even process it and suddenly you couldn’t believe what you were admitting. Staring down the snapshot of your former self now, all you could do was wonder why the hell you couldn’t have caught on sooner. Why you couldn’t have turned around in that moment, seen him and had it all snap into place before you managed to fuck it up so royally. Why...Why did you have to fuck it up? Your mind snapped back to the night before you left that summer. You hugged him and you could still feel the lurch in your chest, not unlike the one you were experiencing now, from when his grip on you lingered a few moments longer than usual.

You were scared.

Scared because you had never done this before. You had never been in love or fallen out of it, and you had convinced yourself the only outcome was heartbreak. Scared because if things went south, you would lose not only the person you had ever loved like that but your best friend too and that was too high a price for you to pay. Scared because you didn’t want to hurt him just because you knew you were too afraid to take the leap.

Turns out you managed to do that anyway.

So now, as much as you wanted to- as much as your heart bled for you to march down to his place and bang on his front door until he was forced to open up, you knew you were too late. He was stationed god knows where with a whole new life of his own. You probably couldn’t even get a hold of him now if you tried. So you didn’t. Instead you cleared your throat, took a sip of water and asked Margaret if she had any big plans for the summer.

You thought you had moved on. Which was why you weren’t looking for him when you attended the very same Margaret’s funeral six years later. You weren’t searching for him when you caught sight of a familiar silhouette a couple meters ahead of you and you certainly weren’t trying to grab his attention when you snatched that trucker’s cap off his head on your way into the church for the service.

“Really? At a funeral? You’re wearing a suit.” You chided as he whipped around, his hand instinctively going to smooth down his hair as his eyes fell on you. He hesitated a moment, his mouth agape as he took you in. Your immediate assumption was that he didn’t want to see you, that perhaps time alone doesn’t heal all wounds and as much as you had hoped this would be easy, as much as you wished you could fall back into old habits as though nothing had happened, you were different people now. It had been twelve years after all. A wave of panic rose in your chest as you tried to fill the silence. “I didn’t think you owned one of those.” You joked. ‘Sure, tease him more. That’ll help’ you cursed yourself but you were relieved when a soft chuckle escaped him.

“No, I uh, I had to borrow it.” He huffed out. He was sure his cheeks were on fire with the heat that had flooded them all of a sudden. He froze the moment he laid eyes on you. He hadn’t done that in years and suddenly he felt himself being reduced to some teenage crush that made his heart stutter and his palms sweat. “Y- You look good.” He remarked, still feeling out of his element in the ill-fitting suit as he watched you, beautiful as ever, toying with the brim of his hat.

“So do you.” You said, biting back the smile that threatened to break across your face. This clearly wasn’t the place. You wound up sitting together for the rest of the ceremony, dropping by the reception for a moment to pay your respects, then inviting him for a drink at the bar just down the street so you could catch up properly. There was a moment’s pause where you thought he might turn you down. He probably had things to get back to in his limited time back in town and who were you to get in the way of that? But instead he shot you a classic Frankie smile, one you hadn’t seen in a long time, and you wound up reliving memories of summers passed in the dingy leather clad booth for hours.

It was as you emptied out into the parking lot. It was late and you both had places to be in the morning. Perhaps you’d had a bit too much to drink or maybe it was just that magnetic pull you always seemed to feel when you were around him. His head was thrown back in laughter over something you had said and his features, aged slightly from the time that had elapsed but still carrying those undefinably ‘Frankie’ qualities you had fallen in love with in the first place, had been outlined in the dull glow of the orange street light a couple meters away. For one glimmering moment you felt as though you had been handed a second chance. The one you had told yourself it wasn’t possible and that even if it were you were too late. But you had lived through that loss. The one that had paralyzed you with fear and self doubt for so long. You had suffered the aftermath and you had missed him so deeply you felt you were missing a part of yourself. And now he was standing right here in front of you. You weren’t about to let him slip through your fingers again.

“Frankie, I loved you.” You blurted out suddenly only to watch the smile that had been plastered to his face drop in the blink of an eye. ‘Well you sure had a funny way of showing it’ was his immediate thought but he was too stunned to get that out.

“You what?” He asked, not because your words hadn’t reached his ears but because he couldn’t seem to make sense of them. He had spent so long thinking you simply weren’t interested in him. That he wasn’t good enough or that he would always be playing second fiddle to someone else. Someone better suited for you, that you actually felt something for.

“I said I-”

“No, I heard you.” He clarified but the clip to his tone and that look in his eye told you that you had overstepped. That you had just undone all the progress you’d made over the past couple hours. That this time you wouldn’t be able to rebuild the bridges you had just demolished so carelessly. How was it that he was always the one to suffer for your mistakes?

“Frankie I’m sorry, I never meant-” You didn’t even get to finish your sentence before his lips were firmly planted on your own, a hand splayed against the small of your back, pulling you in towards him. You had to grip his upper arm just to keep yourself from toppling over from the sheer momentum of it all. Your heartbeat was pounding in your ears and you were sure the alcohol in your veins wasn’t helping the way your head was spinning but something clicked in your mind. It felt so right being in his arms, so comfortable, safe and familiar like this was the only place you were ever meant to be. You had just about gotten over the shock of it all, your muscles relaxing and your hand coming to cradle the nape of his neck when as quickly as they had arrived his lips were gone. He hovered there a moment, his breath, still heavy with fervor, was fanning over your top lip and his eyes were screwed shut tight as though if he opened them you would have disappeared. He just needed a moment longer before the stage set collapsed. Just a second... but it was already too late.

“Fuck,” He muttered more to himself but it made you shift awkwardly on your feet anyways as he pulled away, straightening back up to his full height. You felt much smaller now as you looked up at him. “Fuck, we shouldn’t have- I shouldn’t have done that.” He stammered out suddenly, eyes pleading when all you wanted was for him to do it again.

“Frankie it’s fine, really, I-“ You went to explain, your fingertips reaching out to lace in his own but he flinched away the moment you made contact, his hand retracting as he stepped back to place some distance between you with a clearing of his throat.

“I should- I should go.” He gulped back, an apologetic look flashing over his features once more before he turned to walk away. You had to choke down the sting at the back of your throat, and bite back your quivering lip as you watched him leave. You weren’t quite sure what you had done wrong but any words in protest seem to catch on their way out. You felt powerless to anything but watch it all unfurl.

You didn’t sleep that night, thoughts still reeling from the events of that evening. You tossed and turned until sunlight poured through your curtains and you were forced to give up. You weren’t ready to admit to yourself that that was it. That you had already screwed up your second chance, your final chance. Before you were even sure of what you were doing you had the number he had given you last night dialed into your phone, the tone ringing out a few too many times before you heard him finally pick up. “Hey, uh, it’s me. Listen, I just wanted to say that I know last-”

“Hello?” But the voice that came out from the other end of the line was not one that you recognized. It was a woman. You stopped dead in your tracks, your words lodging somewhere in the back of your throat.

“Sorry, I must have the wrong number. Is this Frankie Morales’ phone?” You stammered out, your words struggling to catch up with the thoughts spinning through your mind.

“No, this is the right number. He just stepped into the shower.” The mystery woman explained. “Can I take a message for you?”

“No thats- Can I ask who’s speaking?” You asked. You could already feel tears stinging at your eyes as the pieces started to fall into place. Why he pulled away, why he ran off and left you stunned in the parking lot of a small town bar after the best damn kiss of your entire life. The best damn kiss because it was with him...

“Jeanine,” She said and quite suddenly you felt like an idiot. You hadn’t even considered this outcome. That maybe your second chance wasn’t a chance at all. That you were foolish enough to think someone wouldn’t have smartened up and realized how remarkable he was before you.

“Jeanine…” You weren’t even aware you had repeated the name until it had slipped off your tongue, your voice weak and disbelieving.

“His fiance.” She confirmed. You had to bite your knuckle to hold back the silent sob threatening to pry its way past your lips, white hot tears now breeching your waterline and streaming freely down your cheeks. You couldn’t even find it in yourself to dislike her. She was perfectly polite- probably perfect for him.

“Right, of course.” You shake your head, attempting to get your breathing back under control before uttering your next words. You wanted to be mad at him for making you the other woman- for letting you become the other woman. For not telling you. But you couldn’t even manage that. It was your own doing. All you had done was rub salt in old wounds and now you were left with the searing evidence. “I’m sorry to bother you. I’ll- I’ll call back later.” You lie before hanging up. The line goes dead and the silence that surrounds you now is deafening as you slump back down onto your bed.

And that was it. The end of something that never even began. You missed your chance. You were too late and now you were the one who would suffer for it. For knowing what his lips tasted like on your own, knowing the completeness you felt in his arms, and knowing you would never be able to feel it again.

[ angstageddon masterlist | Ezra’s arm masterlist ]

-- angstageddon taglist

@chaoticspaceidiot @engineeredfiction @pedropascalito @dreamgirl-67 @hillarymurray4 @din-damn-djarin @wille-zarr @chaotic-noceur @oloreaa @this-cat-is-dea @marydjarin @roxypeanut @cryptkeepersoul @mrschiltoncat @agirllovespasta @wickedfrsgrl @dindisneydjarin @opheliaelysia @aeryntheofficial @adikaofmandalore @goldafterglow @yespolkadotkitty @chibi-liz05 @scarlettvonsass @rpcvliz @cinewhore @basura2319 @theravenreads @mxndoscyarika @jaime1110 @f0rever15elf @pancakepike @phoenixhalliwell @ahopelessromanticwritersworld

#frankie morales #frankie morales x reader #triple frontier #frankie catfish morales #angstaggedon #angst week

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adowbaldwin · 3 years ago

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Baldwins secret - part 25

Eight hours of screaming, Diana threatening Matthew with the snip, Marcus getting punched in the melee of it all and they finally had their little bundles of joy.

Twins again, Matthew was deffinitely getting the snip.

Diana might do it herself.

Two boys, beautiful and in good health. Teeny tiny little scrunched up noses, red faced from wailing their little lungs out and perfectly bowed lips.

"Hey little fella" Diana sniffled "Look at you all cosy"

Matthew was sat beside her on the bed (having been winched to her room by a very uncoperative Baldwin and Jack) running his finger over his sons cheek "Rebecca will be overjoyed" he smiled, watery eyed but not once letting it slip.

Becca had insisted that there could be no other princesses. Ever.

"Untill she wants to date" Ysabeau was looming over them, wide grin like red riding hoods nanna, waiting her turn to take them. Impatiently.

"Shes never dating" Matthew replied absentmindedly

"Lets not discuss that now. I want to spend as much time with them, small. I dont want to wish our lives away" Diana spoke quietly

A pang of sadness washed over Matthew, he had an enternity to discourage suiters, Diana had but years "They are perfect Mon Coeur" he kissed her forehead lightly, resting his head on hers "your perfect"

-----------------------------------

"She dropped" Augusta, depsite her reservations had gone seeking out her father "two boys"

He was sat outside on the balcony, view outstretched of what used to be their farm land but had now been encroached by civilisation "how is Diana? Are the babies healthy?"

"20 fingers, 20 toes. No teeth, some hair" she settled beside him "Diana is good, i think Ysabeau put her down for a nap so she could steal one of them away. Sarah is fighting Matthew for the other"

"Im sorry i punched Jack" he sort of meant it, a litttle bit "i was out of line, i should of listened to you first"

"Thankyou for the apology, but it is not me you need to be apologising to. Whats made you see sense?" Curious, he was never one for backing down so quickly.

He shrugged "thought about it"

"Thats it?" She scoffed "and theres me thinking you were starting to open up to us again"

"I dont want to argue with you Augusta, i dont. I dont want us at eachothers throats" Tears brimmed in his eyes "i am sorry"

"Dam bastard you!" She flung her arms around his neck "you still need to apologise to Jack"

"I know, i know" he grumbled, arms barricading her in "theres something i wanted to ask you, or rather tell you, and im not sure you will like it"

Eyes narrowed she pulled away from him, it was too good to be true the nice guy act "what?"

He took one last look at his eldest, for after admitting he had been lying to her and her sisters they might not want him in their lives "i have not been entirely honest with you and the girls about your mother and I" he started, heavy weight on his shoulders "i loved her, sometimes too much and when she died" he leveled his breathe "part of me died with her, but it was nothing like what i saw Ysabeau go through, or Boudicca. We werent life mates, and i shouldnt of lied to you all for so long"

"So why tell me now? Guilt because Jack and I had the backbone to own up to it?" She hissed, angry - confused. Every emotion she didnt know she had bottled up came spilling to the surface

"No" he rasped "your mother told me to get my shit together" he held up the letter he had put off reading for so long "even from the grave she still knows how to handle me"

Her voice caught in her throat, she could see the delicate outline of her mothers hand, tears blooming and falling freely as Baldwin unfolded the letter and gave it to her "go on, read it" he encouraged her, taking her hand in his own "want me to leave you alone?"

She shook her head, leaning her back on his front and began, her mothers voice a faint whisper as she read over her words.

#adow #a discovery of witches #fic #baldwin montclair #diana bishop #baldwins secret

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hadestownmodern · 5 years ago

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Bonus Scene: Persephone and Eurydice after the fight

Here is a little “bonus” scene to the Fight series by Danielle! This focuses on our girls, Persephone and Eurydice!

This is a few weeks past the fight!

-A

The class trickled in at their usual glacial pace, the majority of students pushing the limits of what constituted a late mark for class. She flicked through some lecture notes, making last minute annotations as she watched Eurydice, normally the first face in class, find her seat. She still sat dutifully in the seat nearest the door, though the minutes opening class were no longer filled with their banter or little conversations about Junie’s upcoming dance classes. No. That was before. Before this girl nearly broke Orpheus’ heart, before she watched her husband build a custody case for Orpheus. Orpheus, of course, had forgiven her and taken her back with open arms and an open heart.

Persephone was not so fast to forgive.

Of course she missed the girl. But her boy was hurt, and that couldn’t be forgiven with some pretty words.

She felt a pang of pity for Eurydice as she watched her enter the classroom. She watches out of the corner of her eye as she pulls out a notebook and pen, but something about her character is off.

Not your place anymore, Persephone.

She’s started her lecture, and all but five minutes in she can see Eurydice struggling. The normally attentive girl is holding her pen so tightly her knuckles are white and her eyes are trained on the blank board space behind Persephone. She’s midway through a sentence about social structure when she catches Eurydice’s hand run over her stomach, hand splayed wide. Before she is even done with her next note she can hear Eurydice hurriedly packing her stuff to scurry out the door, not even ten minutes into the lecture. All eyes are on the young girl as she hangs her head on her way out, and Persephone can feel the judgment sparking in the class.

She fights the urge to jump to Eurydice’s defense, and tries to focus her attention back on her slideshow.

She doesn’t look too good, Persephone.

Something was clearly not right and you couldn’t even ask if she was okay

Orpheus is going to be destroyed if something happens to that baby

“You know what..” Persephone decides out loud as she shuts her textbook. “You have a test next class, theres plenty of content to study. We’ll pick up after the exam, alright?”

She hasn’t shut her laptop before the murmurs of confusion bustle through her students, but they are quickly scrambling out of the room before she could change her mind and resume teaching.

A few hours later, Persephone was working diligently in her office, choosing instead to grade term papers rather than think about Eurydice, and the awful way she ran out of class that morning. She was ready to shut her door at the end of her scheduled office hours, so she could pack her things and get home before Junie woke up from her afternoon nap. She smiles to herself, musing on the sheer joy on her daughter’s face when she is there to rouse her in the afternoon rather than Demeter.

Persephone is pulled from her plans by a knock on her door frame.

Dammit. She thinks, expecting one of her lower achieving students to be begging for a grade raise. It’s that time of year, when the athletes who haven’t come to class since the beginning of the semester plead for a passing grade to maintain their eligibility.

When she looks up, she almost wishes it had been one of them.

“I-i need help.” Comes Eurydice’s voice, before Persephone has a chance to speak. She is as pale as she had been in class, and looks smaller than Persephone had ever seen her. She has her bag slung over one shoulder, an oversize men’s flannel somehow dwarfing her and barely buttoning around her middle at the same time. One hand is holding the door frame, and the other rests on her stomach. “I think something’s wrong and I-i.. I don’t have anyone else to go to.”

Persephone freezes at the words, at the realization that she may have been right.

Orpheus is going to be heartbroken.

But here, infront of her, was Eurydice. Of course if something happened Orpheus would be devastated- but Eurydice would have to live it.

“What do you mean you think something’s wrong?” She narrows her eyes, but her voice softens far more than it had in class that morning. She sat her red pen down on the document, and pushed herself to a standing position. “Come in here, shut the door behind you.” Persephone instructed, already crossing to Eurydice.

Eurydice shuts the door, but does not wait for an invitation before she reaches for Persephone’s hand. “Please, I know you’re not talking to me but I-”

“Shhh, Eurydice, what’s wrong? Tell me.” Lord knows, she had been through enough to know the signs of something going terribly wrong.

Eurydice uses her sleeve to wipe at her eyes, wincing slightly as she grabs onto Persephone’s hand. “It really hurts, like my ribs are broken, and it’s hard to breath and, and-”

She grabs Persephone’s hand, putting it on her side. “I don’t know what that is, should it do that?”

“Oh, honey.” Persephone whispers, when she feels what Eurydice is so frightened by. She can’t help but smile a little, bringing her other hand to wipe at Eurydice’s cheeks. “She’s just moving, thats all. Nothing’s wrong at all. She’s fine. She’s just sayin’ hi. Haven’t you felt her move yet?” She asks calmly, pulling her hand back so as to not intrude on her personal space.

The shake of her head and wide, tear filled eyes confirmed that no, she had not.

“She’s fine. Just movin around. You should let Orpheus feel. He’ll be so excited.” Persephone’s hands fell to her lap, as she settled beside Eurydice on her little couch.

“But why does it feel like my ribs are broken again, I’ve been so careful I didn’t do anything that could have hurt her, I promise, I’d never do anything that could hurt her.” Eurydice assures, though there is an edge of panic in her voice. She knew they thought less of her since the fight, and she didn’t want to give them any reason to think she was less fit to be a mother than they already did.

“No, no, I know you didn’t do anything. You didn’t do anything to hurt her.” Persephone assured, though her mind was wrapping around her words. Again. Broken again. She couldn’t help but wonder who hurt her, how she knew the pain of a cracked rib. “It happened to me with Junie too..it isn’t her or you. How far along are you? 23 weeks? That right? It’s normal, it’s not your ribs or anything, it’s called ligament pain or somethin’. It’s from all the stretching going on in there. I’d bet you’ll feel it in your hips soon, too. I hurt somethin’ awful with Junie. But I can promise. I can promise this is not what it feels like when somethings wrong. Just me I would know-” Persephone inhales sharply, biting at her lips. “Just..trust me. She’s just fine.”

Eurydice is wide eyed as she nods, soaking in the information avidly. “Nothings wrong with her, then? She’s okay?” Her hands are wrapped around her belly now, nearly hugging herself. There is not quite relief on her face yet, as she holds her breath until she gets that final confirmation. She is taken aback by Persephone’s last bit of information, as it’s something she had not known about the woman. The pain in her voice tells her that there is more than she is telling, but this is not the time to tell her.

“You can feel her moving around in there, she is perfectly fine. She’s clearly a pretty strong little thing, judging on those lil feet kicking you.” Persephone brushes Eurydice’s hair behind her head, before trailing down to take her hand and squeeze it again. “You’re going a good job. She’s doing fine.”

Eurydice nods, and visibly relaxes as she lets out the breath she was holding. Now that Persephone truly sees her, she feels even more pity for her. The poor girl looks ragged, like she hasn’t slept in days. Her heart aches for her, and also prays she did not contribute to the stress in this girl’s life.

“I used to use a lot of heating pads and warm water bottles to make the pain go down. My mama though, she’s got magic hands I swear, she used to help me so much. Those little hands push the pain right out of you. Magic, I promise. You should try the heat, but I tell you what.” Persephone glances at the clock, to confirm that her hours are over for the day. “Mama’s watchin Junie today, and I was about to go home. Why don’t you come with me, and we’ll see if she can help ya? Okay?” Persephone stood, gathering her things quickly as she tossed them into the bag.

“Oh, I um, I don’t want to impose-” Eurydice shook her head, pushing herself off the couch. She winced as she did so, fingers blanching as she grasps at the armrest of the couch. “I’d hate to ask you to-”

“ We don’t want to see you suffering.” Persephone promised, grabbing Eurydice’s backpack and handing it to her. “None of us do. We’re all in this together. We’re here to help each other.” She tosses an arm around Eurydice’s shoulder, rubbing her upper arm comfortingly. “Tell you what. We’ll go see my mama, and I’ll call Orpheus and he can just come over and we’ll all have dinner, okay?”

“I- if you’re sure.” Eurydice agrees, bringing her bag to her shoulder, hand still cradling her stomach, hand bouncing around to feel the movement under her palm.

“Of course i’m sure. It’s what family does.”

#hadestown au #hadestown fanfic #hadestown fic #hadestown modern #hadestown modern au #persephone #eurydice #persephone and eurydice #annika writes

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kweebtrash · 5 years ago

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When I See You Again (M)

Genre: Best Friends to Lovers! AU, Tattoo Artist! Yuto, 1st person reader

Summary: You and Yuto had met in high school, an unlikely pair as he was the juvenile delinquent and you were just a foreign exchange student trapped in a country who’s people didn’t except you and lost in homesickness. After saving you from your worst nightmare of being trapped against the wall between some bullies, you slowly started to become friends, though friendship quickly turned into a secret crush. When your heart was just about full a devastating accident caused you to be ripped away from Japan, never seeing Yuto again. Ten years later a chance encounter on a simple vacation turns your world upside down as the teenage boy you loved was now a man who still had a hold of your heart.

Warnings: violence (fighting), mentions of blood, bullying, mentions of abuse

Features: shy yuto, fun and awkward conversations during sexy time, oral (giving and receiving), fingering, slow and gentle and mostly romantic sex, a smidgearooni of dirty talk (but cute dirty talk). Basically Yuto can be confident at times but mostly shy in bed. Yuto is also very handsy and loves kissing so theres a lot of that in case it seems overdone.

Word Count:

A/N: This was actually a request i received almost a year ago (i’m so sorry) and i finally challenged myself to finish this. I don’t really think it’s my best but I really wanted to get back into writing for pentagon. To the person that requested this i’m so damn sorry it took so long.

I hope you at least think it was worth it.

My shoes pounded against the tile as i weaved through a crowded hallway full of students. My breath burned in my lungs and my heart pounded in my ears. I dodged a student council member, spinning on my heels and almost falling to my knees before catching myself. I took quick glances over my shoulder trying to see if they were behind me. Their raucous laughter was still close by as they remained high on my tail. I laser focused on the sound, hearing it over the gossiping whispers and angry yells as i almost crashed into the other students. Up ahead I could see a flight of stairs that lead to the rooftop. It felt like a light at the end of the tunnel. I sprinted up the stairs two at a time and grabbed onto the door handle, hoping to all hell that it wasn’t locked. I flung it open with all my strength, falling through the doorway. I slammed it shut behind me, pressing my back to it taking in deep breaths until my lungs went back into a rhythm of normalcy. Up on the roof gusts of fall air cooled my skin as i walked over to the edge. It was peaceful here. No one to shame me, no one to chase me, no one to make my life a living hell. I wished I wasn't here at all. I wanted to go back home. I momentarily looked down at the bustling sidewalk below. People looked like ants from how far up I was. A wave of nausea and fear came over me and I took a step back.

“You’re not going to jump are you?”

I whipped around quickly to see that i wasn’t alone on the rooftop. He was sprawled out on his back, hands folded behind his head, and a cigarette dangling from his lips. His uniform matched mine, but it looked like he was determined to violate every dress code put into place. His blazer was open, revealing a black v-neck underneath, tie hanging loosely around his neck, and piercings all along his ears. I stared at him momentarily taken aback by his "bad boy" vibes and piercing gaze. He seemed so familiar but I couldn’t quite place him. I walked to the center of the rooftop so I could stay safe. “No...I’m not planning on it.”

“Good. With my luck they’d say I pushed you.” He pulled the cigarette from his lips and exhaled.

“Who’s ‘they’?” I questioned, still wracking my brain trying to figure out who he was.

“Police. Principal. Students. Idiots and assholes. ‘They’.” It clicked in my head then. Adachi. I had heard the name floating in conversations in the hallway. My Japanese was far from perfect but I could at least recall that name. He towered over most of the students and was always in detention, cutting classes, and getting into fights. Rumors were even spread about him being a serial killer, which seemed typical of the students here; anything to shove away people who were different and isolate them. He had a different impact than I did. While i was the weak foreigner, he was one to be feared but I didn’t even think he looked intimidating. In fact, I thought he was kind of...cute. “What were you running from?” He continued, this time in English which surprised me but gave me a sense of comfort. His accent was heavy and words a little broken but i was the same with my Japanese so I didn't care.

Ever since my family moved to Japan for my dad’s job I had been struggling to pick up the language. It didn’t help that I was thrust into public school without any time to prepare for classes fully. Everyday was becoming more of a struggle for hundreds of reasons and I wished desperately that I could go back to my own country. In hindsight that was probably the most truthful answer-that I was running from everything- but I provided him the one that didn’t reveal my true feelings.

“Girls.” I stated flatly. “Stupid girls. Evil girls. They were...calling me this word I didn’t understand and they were laughing at me. Then they cornered me. I don’t know why they were so pissed off. I don’t even think I have classes with any of them. Before I knew it they we're grabbing at my hair and were trying to cut it. I ran away as fast as I could. It's been like that since I've started school here.”

Adachi scoffed and flicked his cigarette off the side of the roof. He stood up slowly, dusting off the back of his uniform pants. “Fight back.” He stated as if it was the most logical and useful answer. “Don't let anyone know what you're scared of or else you're just going to get treated like you're nothing.”

I almost laughed at his “advice.” “That’s your great idea? To fight? I’m sure it works well for you.” I said sarcastically, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Oh it does.” He shot back at me. “You don't see me whining about people calling me gaijin and crying over being bullied, do you?”

My brows furrowed. “I wasn’t crying, asshole! It’s just irritating and annoying. I don’t understand what’s happening in my classes and I can’t even go to them without having people threatening to cause me bodily harm or throwing shit at me. On top of that, my parents would kill me if I ever got in trouble so i’m just….stuck.” I let out an exasperated sigh.

“Aww it must really suck to have mommy and daddy pout over you. Whether you follow my advice or not doesn’t mean two shits to me. But dont start whining when they come after you again.” He shrugged and headed towards the door, taking a moment to pause before turning back towards me. “People are stupid. Don’t let it get to you or else you’ll really end up jumping.” With that he left the rooftop leaving me alone at last.

Adachi…what a prick. Where did he get off telling me to fight? It was easy for him to say. He had nothing to lose. Well I assumed so anyway...Maybe I was just as bad as everyone else who judged him. A little pang of guilt hit me. I didn’t want to become like the girls who chased me or the teachers that mocked me. I wasn’t going to judge him just because he was different. After all, he tried to help the only way he knew how. I knew deep down that he was right too. I wasn’t going to show this school how miserable it made me. Maybe taking his advice into consideration wasn’t such a bad idea.

It was days before I saw him again. Occasionally, I would catch him in the hallway but we didn’t have a chance to speak face to face. That was until I had been cornered again by the same girls. It was a chorale of taunts, poking, and prodding; using their cowardice to place us behind the school where no one would see us. The main culprit was a senior who looked down at me in disdain with the most sinister of smiles on her lips. She was the one who screamed the loudest as if I could respond to the words that cut into me. I tried covering my ears to block her out but her shrill voice surpassed my blockade. My blood was boiling and I could feel my body shaking. Adachi’s advice kept creeping into my mind. Just fight. Just Fight. JUST FIGHT.

“Hey!” The deep voice cut through the screaming and made us all freeze. Our attention turned to Adachi who was standing just a few feet away, glaring at the girls surrounding me. Their demeanor changed in seconds and while their so called “leader” was distracted i closed my eyes and swung. I felt something connect with my fist and a rush of pain sped up my arm. My hand was trembling and when I opened my eyes I saw the splatters of red that stained her white uniform blouse.

“Oh shit.” I whispered in disbelief.

She held her nose and screamed in pain. Before my mind could even react further, Adachi grabbed me by my arm and started running. I struggled to keep up with his long strides, taking no time to look behind us to see if they had begun to follow. Hopefully Adachi had scared them off enough to keep them at bay. It seemed like forever until we stopped beside a nearby convenience store, panting and doubling over as we tried to catch our breaths. Suddenly Adachi burst into laughter, scaring the crap out of me. I had barely heard him speak let alone laugh before. It was...sweet albeit still a little frightening.

“I can’t believe you actually decked her in the face!”

“W-well she wouldn’t shut up! I was tired of hearing her scream and i didn’t even understand what she was saying! I don’t know what the fuck her problem is." I took a deep death and adjusted my uniform. "Thank you though. You kinda saved me back there.”

“I mean you probably would’ve gotten your ass kicked. And with the way you punched, you wouldn’t have stood a chance.” His eyes darted down to my fist that ached and was starting to bruise. “You punch with the flats of your fingers, not your knuckles. That’s gonna swell. At least you still probably broke her nose..”

“Great. I have no idea how I’m going to hide this from my parents.”

“Time to chop your hand off and say it was a random Yakuza attack.”

I stared at him, my eyes going wide for a second. “Did you...did you just make a joke?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and stood up a little straighter. “Just because people piss me off doesn’t mean that I can’t actually laugh. I’m not a robot or a serial killer.”

“So you heard those rumors?” I asked softly.

He shrugged. “It’s whatever. Sometimes I go along with it just to get people off my back. Anyway, might as well go inside and get you something cold to keep the swelling down. Stay here.”

I watched his back as the automatic doors parted and he walked in. I rested against the brick wall, trying not to think about the pain in my hand. I uncurled my fingers slowly and tried forming the fist again. It wasn’t easy but nothing seemed to be broken either. My knuckles were now a grisly blue-violet and the swelling was starting to become noticeable. I sighed and glanced down at my watch, impatiently waiting for Adachi’s return. It only took a few more minutes before i saw his tuft of black hair reappear. He held out a frozen bag of peas for me to take while i gave him a puzzled look.

“It’s the only thing they had. Just take it.”

I took the pack and held it on my hand. it made me wince but also provided a little relief. "Thanks. Do you think I could hide this from my parents?"

"No way in hell. Just keep an ice pack on it and try not to use it too much."

"You sound like an expert on this." I grumbled.

"Yeah, well," He looked away from me and returned his hands to his pockets. "I've had my fair share of busted knuckles. Anyway, do you need me to walk you home or are you cool?"

Walk me home? That wasn't something I expected from him. "Do you really want to?"

"I mean I asked for a reason, dumbass."

"Hey! Don't be a jerk! I just...I've never been walked home before and I know it's kinda a big deal here."

He shrugged. "I don't think so. This isn’t some anime romance. I just want to make sure those bitches aren't after you. It'd be hell if they found out where you lived."

He had a point. I was already harassed at school, I wasn't prepared to be harassed at home as well. "Ok, that sounds good."

He grabbed my briefcase that I barely had time to escape with and held his hand out in front of him. "Lead the way."

We walked side by side, mostly quiet and awkward. I wasn't sure what kind of conversation i should even start. I wanted to know more about him but something told me he was a closed book. I chewed on my lip, overthinking and getting anxious. "You know, i don't even know your name." He said, suddenly.

Oh, that's right. We had never formally introduced ourselves. I told him my name and realized I had to figure out the proper honorific for him. "Wait, should I call you Adachi-kun. Or Adachi-sempai? Are you even older than me? Is it Adachi-san?"

"Just call me Yuto. No honorifics. I don't care about that. It's just some authoritative bullshit."

"You're really one hell of a guy, you know that?" I couldn't help but chuckle.

There was a faint tint of rose to his cheeks, so much so that I thought I had imagined it. He looked away and scoffed. "Tch, whatever. Just keep telling me where to go."

I smiled to myself as we turned a corner. Yuto might have a secret soft spot that I was dying to pry into more. Occasionally, I was able to drum up something else to talk about. I was curious as to why he got into trouble so much but instead tried to see what kind of things he liked. It boiled down to eating and sleeping - very profound hobbies. He seemed more interested in me and once I finally got him talking I realized he wouldn't stop. His tone was still serious but I think it was mostly on account of how deep his voice was. I didn't expect him to be so talkative but it actually felt like I finally had a friend here.

A few weeks later, Yuto was supposed to meet me near my house to walk me to school. We had made a habit of walking together almost every day. It didn't matter if we were silent or talked about what happened at school or I scolded him for being a delinquent, our conversations made me totally happy and it was the one thing I looked forward to each day. This morning in particular, though, he wasn't at our usual meet up spot. I waited for a few minutes, wondering if he was caught up somewhere. It was getting dangerously close to first bell and our consequences for being late were going to be extreme. When I called him he didn’t answer which made my mind jump to conclusions and worry immediately. Taking a chance, I sprinted in the direction of the school as a gut feeling was telling me something wasn't right.

As I got closer to the school I could hear a scuffle in the nearest alleyway, close to the convenience store we had stopped back when I had hurt my fist. I saw him against the wall, facing off against two idiots. His briefcase had been tossed to the floor, it's contents spilling out and I was afraid that would happen to his guts as well as one of the attackers was holding a knife. There was no mistaking the shine that spiked across it from the morning sun. They were dressed in uniforms from a school I didn’t recognize- I had no idea who they were and I didn’t care. I was hell bent on returning the favor to Yuto from when he saved me.

"Hey!" I yelled. All attention was turned to me instantly.

"Get out of here!" Yuto said. "It's too dangerous!"

"Oh, is that your little girlfriend?" One of the bigger boys said smugly.

The knife holder rolled the weapon in his palm, adding to its already present intimidation. My heart was pounding in my ears as my eyes zeroed in on it. Adrenaline was building inside me, the same feelings of needing to fight back taking over from when I had punched my own bully. Fear was still ever present of course. I didn’t stand a chance with actually fist fighting them and they had the upper hand anyway. I could die. Yuto could die. It was risky and the odds were too stacked against us. I had to try though, anything was worth a shot if I could save him. It was the first thing that popped into my head and instead of swinging my fist i sent my leg flying up between his. With how hard I had struck him it felt like my shin had connected straight with his pelvic bone. Pain filled my calf but i was sure it wasn’t as strong as what he was feeling. The knife clanged to the ground as he crumpled along with it, holding himself as he groaned in pain. Yuto picked up the knife at lighting speed and managed to shove the other boy against the wall, pressing the blade to his neck. His tone was full of spite and anger and though he was speaking too fast for me to understand I could feel the fiery intent behind every syllable. Whatever it was, it scared the other guy into picking up his friend and dragging themselves away like wounded dogs. Yuto tossed the knife to the ground and before I could even ask if he was okay he grabbed onto my shoulders and shook me roughly.

"Are you fucking crazy?! You could've gotten hurt! Don't ever do that again!"

"I-im sorry!! I just-! You were in trouble and I didn’t know what else to do! I didn’t want you to get hurt either! I panicked!”

“You’re such an airhead sometimes! What would’ve happened if you had gotten stabbed, huh?! I cant...I can’t lose you...:” His voice softened at the end, so low that I could barely hear it. I didn’t expect him to be this emotional. Though we were good friends and shared laughs, Yuto was still blocked off when it came to deeper emotions. He was even more reserved when it came to affection but in this moment he pulled me to his chest and squeezed me as tight as he could. It shocked me completely, so much so that I didn’t even think to reciprocate the hug. I just stood there like an idiot as I felt every inch of his warmth flowing over me. It was so utterly comforting and something I didn’t think i needed throughout my time here in Japan but it seemed to heal all wounds. Eventually, it clicked in my head to wrap my arms around him and squeeze him just as tight. It felt so good and I didn’t want us to ever separate but he was the first to pull away. "Sorry I wasn't there to walk you to school."

"That doesn't matter now, idiot." I reached up and whacked my palm into his forehead gently. “Besides i’m pretty sure first bell already rang. I’m going to get into so much trouble. My parents are going to kill me when they find out and I really really realllllyyy don’t want to do detention. Is it as bad as they say it is?”

“I don’t know, i never did my detentions.” He said with a devious smile. “But I guess that just means we’ll have to skip entirely.”

“Are you insane!? That will get me into even more trouble! That’s the opposite of what I need!”

“Aww come on, live a little. You don’t always have to play by the rules. Sometimes it’s fun to break them. Besides, one day of skipping isn’t going to hurt you.”

"Adachi Yuto, are you saying I should become a juvenile delinquent just like you?"

"Hell yeah."

We laughed, harder than we should of knowing the prospect of me getting in trouble loomed over us. Though I was scared of the consequences, the idea of spending the entire day with him released thousands of budding seeds of romance that I hadn’t really known had been inside me. Sure, i would notice his tender eyes and smile that lit up my entire world like the first sunrise but I didn’t think I had a crush on him! Or rather I ignored every single one of those feelings because I knew he wouldn’t be interested in me. It was a secret I had been harboring for fear of rejection and making our entire relationship weird. With a day of endless possibilities ahead of us I hoped that I could keep my secret and remain stoic. I slipped out of my overthinking and looked up at him. "Ok, I guess you convinced me enough. I’ll play hooky but just this once!”

“Whoa, really? I didn’t think you had it in you.” He nudged my arm playfully.

“I’m nervous but spending a day with you sounds much more exciting than listening to lectures that make my brain feel like its frying.”

“I’m excited to spend the day with you too…” His cheeks flushed then and he took a step back from the closeness leftover from our hug. He shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled his weight on his feet. “Uh, I mean, um...like-uh...What would you want to do?”

"What do you normally do when you skip?" I asked.

"Get some snacks at the store then sit at home and watch One Piece reruns."

"Are you serious?" I giggled. "That's what Mr. "Serial Killer" does?"

"Hey! It’s relaxing! Sometimes I doze off, sometimes I do other stuff. It’s nice!”

“I’ve never watched One Piece before. Is it good?”

“Is it-? It’s AMAZING! It’s basically like the greatest anime of all time. Oh my god, we have to watch it now. We’re not doing anything else.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed. “What have I gotten myself into?!” I laughed. “Oh, wait. Your stuff.” We both dropped to the ground and started picking up the scattered contents of his bag. My eyes rested on a sketchpad that laid open, the pages now slightly torn and dirty but I could see precise linework and expressions the drawings held.

"Did you draw these?" I asked.

He snatched the book away from me and snapped it shut. "Nevermind this. It's nothing."

"Yuto, I think they were really nice."

"No, it's seriously nothing. Forget about it."

I set my hand on his shoulder and softened my voice. "You know you don't have to be embarrassed around me."

"I'm not-" He sighed. "I'm not embarrassed really. I just don't think I'm good."

"Of course you're good. They're amazing and I think you're talented."

"Really?"

"Has no one ever told you that before?" I asked.

"No…"

"Well I'm telling you now, ok? And I mean it."

Our eyes met and a slow shy smile creeped onto his face. He turned away instantly and mumbled some sort of thanks as he worked to stuff everything back in the bag. "Appreciate it."

I stood up and dusted my knees off. "What are friends for anyway?" I extended my hand to help him up which he took.

"Friends...yeah…"

"Wanna get those snacks now?"

He only nodded, retreating back to those simple answers I was used to. I held onto his arm as we walked, looking up at him every so often. It was starting to get harder and harder to ignore the feelings that kept trying to surface every time i was with him. I wished they would just disappear already. With him so close to me now i could feel my heart pounding. It got even worse when i felt his hand overwhelm mine suddenly. He was tugging me in the direction of the store but i couldnt take my eyes off our interlocked fingers. They were so warm and long, absolutely beautiful. I could just imagine the way he held a pencil while sketching his favorite characters. I wanted to watch him do what he loved the most. He lead me across the street and to the doors of the convenience store while i stayed wrapped in my head. It wasn’t until he asked me what i wanted that i snapped out of it. I looked around at some of the pre-made food trying to decipher what the labels said and what i could infer from what the food looked like. I was indecisive between a chicken or pork bento and but figured that Yuto would be able to help me decide.

I found him a few aisles over, bent over and looking at cell phone charms like he was trying to make a decision himself. “What are you looking at?”

He straightened up quickly and almost jumped when he saw me. “Oh, uh...nothing.”

I looked over the charms, noticing that they were of popular Sanrio characters. “These are so cute. Are you gonna get one?”

“What? Me? No way! I was looking at them for my...sister! For my sister, yeah. She likes Kerropi so…”

“Really? I like Cinnamaroll. He’s the cutest little thing ever.”

Yuto picked up both a Kerropi and Cinnamaroll charm. “I could get it for you if you want.” He said with a sheepish smile.

“You dont have to do that.” I giggled. “It’s more important that your sis-”

Suddenly, the store owner sped towards Yuto, yelling loudly and tugging at his uniform shirt. He was trying to shove Yuto out, accusing him of being a no good thief and that he should be in school. Yuto showed his empty pockets and held his bag out to be inspected but the shop owner wasn’t listening. Yuto turned to me. “Look, fuck this guy. I’ll just wait for you outside, ok?”

“But you havent done anything wrong! I dont understand why-”

“Doesnt matter. He just sees me as a punk kid because i’ve come in here a little banged up before. I’ll wait for you, ok?”

I didn’t have a say in what he was going to do so i didn’t waste my breath. I watched as he set the keychains down and left the store, the owner still yelling after him. I rushed to pay for everything and get back to him. I was riddled with anger and wanted to leave as soon as possible. “That pissed me off so fucking much.” I huffed.

Yuto shrugged and began walking in the direction of his home. “Don’t waste your energy on it. I’m used to it. You and I are a lot more alike than I thought. People shit on us for being so different and they dont even take the time to get to know us. If someone actually cares about me then they’ll show it. Those are the only people I can trust.”

“Do you think you can trust me?” I asked.

“I know I can trust you. You’re the only one who’s given me the time of day and didn’t think I was automatically an asshole. You talked to me and saw me as a person. I’m glad I met you.”

I stared down at my feet, hoping he wouldnt see the blossoming shyness spread across my entire face. I clutched at his arm as we walked, softly speaking. “I’m glad I met you too. You’re my best friend, Yuto.”

“I never thought I would have a best friend...or any friends for that matter.”

“Like you said, you don’t need anyone who doesn’t care about you. It’s us against the world.” It seemed a bit dramatic to say but it truly felt that way. There was no one that i felt could come between us or anything for that matter.

We arrived at Yuto’s home, a worn down small box with tattered screen doors. It shocked me but I didn’t want to say anything. I couldn’t be disrespectful but i was concerned more than anything. “Sorry it’s not fancy like your place.”

“I don’t care about what it looks like, i just want to make sure you’re ok.”

He stayed quiet as he opened the door which worried me further. Inside there were two cramped rooms, one of which was of course Yuto’s. He guided us in and sat against the wall, facing an old square tv that looked like it was salvaged from a junk yard. I sat beside him and set the bag of food down between us. “You forgot to take off your shoes when we came in.”

I immediately looked at my feet. “Oh my god! I’m sorry!” I rushed to take off my loafers but Yuto just chuckled.

“It’s fine, just set them by the bedroom door. I don’t mind.” I set them beside the door while he turned on the small tv, banging it a few times until a clear picture formed. He flicked through the channels until he found the one that showed One Piece. I pulled out the food I had gotten us and handed him a pair of cheap wooden chopsticks.

“So,” I began. “Judging from your house set up you don’t have a sister, do you?”

He stilled for a moment then sighed. “Is this about the phone charm?”

I pulled out both charms from the shopping bag and held the Kerropi one out to him. “Now we can match. It kind of seems silly but I think it’s cute.” I pulled out my flip phone and threaded the charm through the small hole at the bottom then looked over at him. “Do you not like it?”

Yuto looked over at me, staring at me until nervousness settled in my stomach, almost making nausea hit me like a train. He inched forward, still leaving me to be an unsuspecting mess while his lips fell onto mine. My eyes widened and i completely froze. I had no idea what to do. This was my first kiss ever and it was with my best friend! Before i could even get my thoughts straight, it was over and we were back to being face to face and unsure of everything that transpired. “I’m sorry.” He said softly.

“W-what? I don’t understand…”

“i-I’ve liked you for some time now but...I wasn’t sure how you would feel. I just...i don’t know. I just felt like i shouldve kissed you. I was too afraid to tell you that I liked you. I thought you wouldn’t even give me the time of day.”

“Why would you even think that? I spend all this time with you. I trust you and im happy to see you every day. You’re the best part of my shitty life. And i want to spend it with you.” I settled my hand over his and was the one who leaned in this time, smiling as he grabbed onto my shoulder and held our kiss a little longer. We were lost in our own little world and I could finally be happy in this foreign place.

Suddenly the door slid open, barreling into the door frame and rattling it. Hovering above us was a man who looked just like Yuto, who I could only assume was his father. He was instantly yelling at us and Yuto scrambled to his feet, pulling me up with him. “You need to leave now!!”

“Yuto! What’s going on!?”

“Now!!!” He managed to shove me between the small gap in the door frame and his father. I grabbed my shoes quickly and tried to slip them on but his father was closing in on me as if i was a deadly target. Yuto grabbed onto his arm and i heard a hard thud against his jaw. I screamed after him, hating to see him hurt and wanting to obliterate his father but i was powerless to stop him. I couldn’t take him down or prevent him from hurting the person who I cared about the most. All i could do was stand in horror while Yuto screamed at me to leave. Tears were rolling down my face as i sped out of the home and towards my own. That was the last time I saw him.

The streets were bustling, the summer air thick and heavy. Thousands of people crowding the sidewalk didn’t provide any relief either. Lights were flashing everywhere; neon, iridescent, and beckoning. I had no idea what I even wanted to do tonight. A club, a bar, a cafe? I hadn’t been back in a decade- everything seemed new again. Nerve wracking and exciting. I wanted to make new memories. Memories that wouldn’t haunt me and instead make me happy. I wanted to think of Japan as my home away from home. Right now she was still a stranger. I could only see her through the eyes of tourist, which I absolutely hated but it was a start. That’s how I ended up following the crowd, wondering where it would take me. Wreckless? Yes, absolutely. My japanese was still rusty even though I tried my best to pick it up again. Getting lost still and not being able to communicate weighed heavy on my mind. The sense of adventure outweighed my fright and I carried on, looking for my next stop.

My eyes got lost in the crowd every once in awhile, observing the school girls, the punks, the lolitas, and regular office people ebbing and flowing. One particular person caught my eye- he was towering over most everyone, cell phone to his ear. That was when I saw it, a dangling charm nudging across his wrist as he walked. It looked worn, faded, the bright green now a washed out chartreuse. I swallowed hard. It couldn’t be. Of course not. The chances were too miniscule. Besides, Keroppi wasn’t that much of a popular character but I couldn’t get the thought out of my head. Just maybe it could be. I was about to embarrass myself but it was worth a shot.

“Adachi!” I screamed over the roar of the crowd. His head whipped around and my heart stopped. People moved past us and we remained several feet apart. He didn’t look like the Yuto I remembered. He was bigger, definitely. His biceps were struggling to stay beneath his short sleeves, his black denim vest staying open wide against his broad chest and shoulders. His arms were covered fully in tattoos and for a minute I thought I had made a mistake. That was until he speed towards me, his long legs carrying him in quick strides, closing the space between us in seconds. He said my name in that all too familiar honey smooth baritone that made me want to drop to my knees. It sounded deeper than it had in high school, carrying the weight of the unspoken things we wanted to do as teenagers. I looked up at him, a smile forming on both our faces before he squeezed me tight to his tall frame.

“Holy fucking shit!! I can’t believe it’s you! What are you doing here?” He exclaimed. His eyes still remained in a state of disbelief as he looked me over.

My hands rested on his biceps as I still didn’t want to pull away completely. “I-i’m here on vacation. I haven’t been back in years. I wanted to come back and...and make better memories I guess. I never thought I would see you again. Or that you would remember me.” My voice trailed off a bit at the end.

“How could I ever forget you?” The words took me by surprise, as well as his laugh after. “You had the biggest crush on me, remember?!”

I rolled my eyes, pretending playfully that the statement wasn’t true. “You wouldn’t leave me alone and I always had to take care of you because you were a pain in the ass! Always getting into trouble. All I did for that year was clean blood off you with all the fights you got into. Besides you had a crush on me too!!”

“What can I say, you like those bad boy types, don’t you?” He shifted his weight a bit and let out a small chuckle. “What are you doing right now? Going someplace special?”

I shook my head, gently moving him out of the way of the main part of the crowd. He leaned against a street sign as I stayed close to him. “Nothing really. I thought I’d just come here and see what I could find. I got tired of doing tourist shit during the day. I wanted to do something better.”

“You came here alone?” He asked and I nodded. “That’s pretty ballsy for you. Last time I checked your Japanese was shit.”

“Thanks, Asshole.” I replied in his native tongue and he threw back his head and laughed.

“I think I taught you that one.”

“You did, and now I can use it against you...Also you still have Keroppi.”

His deep brown eyes flew to his cell phone that was clutched in his hand, the slightest tinge of pink decorating his cheeks. He kinda shrugged and didn’t say anything. I smiled and dug into my small purse, pulling out my own cell phone. I held it up to him so he could see the cinnamaroll charm I too had dangling from my phone. It had long lost it’s complete white color, instead getting dirty from it’s time at the bottom of my bag or from being stuffed into the pocket of my jeans. “You’re kidding?” He said, his expressing changing completely. “Why do you still have that?!”

“Why do you still have Keroppi?” I shot back.

He looked away for a moment, pretending to stretch as his free hand rested on the back of his neck. “I...well...I missed what we had...and I was angry that you had left. I didn’t have it on my phone for awhile and I guess...I don’t know really.”

I stared down at my feet. I had never gotten to tell him the reason why I had left so abruptly. I had never wanted to leave him behind, not after everything we had shared together. But i was ripped away from Japan almost as soon as I was implanted there. “I never forgot about you.” I confessed. “I want to apologize for leaving and not getting a chance to say goodbye.”

He shrugged again, trying to keep up his nonchalant facade. “Forget it. It’s cool. You’re here now, so...you wanna go to a bar with me? We’ll drink some beer and get some food.”

“Hell yeah. I haven’t eaten in a bit. Where are you thinking?”

“There’s a spot in Shibuya that’s by my place. We can go there.”

“Perfect. Lead the way.”

He nodded in the direction of the train station and I followed him, holding onto his arm tightly so I wouldn’t lose him again.

I tossed back the rest of my third beer almost spitting it out when Yuto brought up another fond memory. “Remember when I made you watch One Piece for the first time and you just had this look on your face like ‘What the absolute fuck?’”

I nodded before swallowing. “I had never watched anime a day in my life. Well I guess Pokemon counts. And Yu-Gi-Oh. But I never did much after. But here you were a secret nerd, drawing in your little sketchbook and wanting to be a famous manga-ka.”

“Yeah, I tossed that shit out when I dropped out of high school.” He sipped on his beer licking the foam from his lips. He picked up his chopsticks, turning the meat on the grill between us so it wouldn’t burn. “Hung around some people I shouldn't have, went to jail for a bit, discovered tattooing and here I am now.”

“Yuto Adachi! You’re insane. What did you go to jail for? I-if you don’t mind me asking.”

He reclined back in his seat and took another swig of his beer. “Petty theft, a few other misdemeanors. Nothing serious. It’s whatever. What did you do, princess? After you left…”

I chewed on an already cooked piece of beef, opening my mouth in between bites to try and cool the burning sensation in my mouth. I swallowed after a minute of chewing and sighed. “My parents died. That’s why I left. It was some freak accident on the plane ride back home. They were going back just for a few days for some medical convention thing. And well...I couldn’t stay here on my own so I got taken back to live with my grandparents.”

“Fuck.” He whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“Shit happens. I couldn’t do anything about it. I miss them everyday but time moves on. We move on. But that’s basically why I didn’t say goodbye. It all happened so fast. I didn’t even get a chance to breathe.”

We fell into a heavy silence. Only the sizzling of meat on the grill and the raucous patrons interrupting it. I looked over at him, seeing him watching me, and I felt bad for ruining the mood. “Sorry to be such a downer.” I tried to laugh it off a bit but it was definitely forced.

“Don’t be. Like you said shit happens. You’re here now, right? Dynamic duo back together again. I’ll show you better stuff than that tourist shit.” He split the rest of the beer he had in his glass between us then held it up for me to clink mine against. “Kanpai.”

I repeated the saying and we both swallowed back the golden liquid. “Anyway, after I went back, i finished high school, went to college. Got an office job. You know.”

“Wow, living the boring ass American dream, huh? You got a scrawny white boyfriend to go along with that?”

“Yuto!” I chucked an end piece of beef at him, watching it bounce of his chest and into his lap. He tossed it into his mouth and laughed.

“What? Asians do it better I’m just saying.” He finished off his beer, a smirk resting on his lips as he drank. His eyes locked onto mine and i couldn’t help the blush that creeped onto my face.

“I’ve been free from your annoying ass for years and this is what I get as soon as I come back? Wonderful.”

He rested his elbows on the table leaning towards me a little. “You can get a little more. It’s early, there’s still plenty to do.”

“Like what? You gonna take me to some like kinky Japanese sex club?” I joked.

“If you want to. I have no problem with that. What kinks are you into?”

“Oh my god, i was joking!” I hid my face behind my hands to try and cover up how much redder it was getting. All Yuto did was laugh at me, making me even more embarrassed.

“Me too, I’ll take you to my shop if you want. I got some of my guys there working but I wouldn’t mind taking you to see it.”

“Your shop? Like you own it?”

“Yep. Why? You don’t think I could be a successful business man?” He laughed.

“No...no. I mean...I’m proud of you. Look at you having your shit together, Adachi.”

“Hah! Barely. That’s a fun thought though.” He stood up from his chair and nodded at me to head over to the cashier for us to check out. He pushed my hand away when I offered to pay and instead handed over his card. I didn’t protest much, pretending that i didn’t enjoy free food or when men paid for it. We exited the restaurant and started walking down the streets that were less crowded in the area. All of our careless times together came up. The laughs we had over watching variety shows and anime together in his dark, hole in the wall bedroom. The few times our hands intertwined and the barely there kisses we were too afraid to ever mention. Yuto had always made my heart pound and even now there wasn’t a difference. I watched as he pressed a cigarette between his lips stopping just for a second to light it. I would be definitely pretending if I said that I wasn’t attracted to his bad boy persona. The way he carried himself- defensive yet protective, angry yet passionate, rough yet sensitive, all of those feelings from the past kept rushing back.

When we arrived at his shop there were a few customers towards the back, only separated by small wall barriers. The rest of his crew were in front, laughing over a few beers and practically cheering when he came in. He greeted them with hand slaps and awkward bro hugs while i surveyed the shop. It was cute. The setup seemed more personal rather than stuck up and like a doctor’s office. I overheard some of the guys talking about me, saying not so subtle pervy statements which Yuto shut down immediately. I pretended like I didn’t know a damn thing and let Yuto take my hand and steer me away from them. “Sorry, they’re all idiots.”

I shrugged, laughing a bit. “Don’t worry, I’m just the stupid foreigner. I’m none the wiser.”

“C’mon, don’t say that. You know I don’t think of you that way.” He kissed the back of my hand, deterring my quip. “Do you want to see my office?”

“Yeah, let me see where you work your magic.”

He unlocked a door to the left of us and lead me in. The space was much wider than the rest of the tattooing area and covered in framed artwork that he had done. He had only improved since years past, creating perfect masterpieces of contrasting light, crisp lines, and delicate details. It took my breath away. “Holy fuck.” Was the only way I could of expressing myself.

“What?” He chuckled. “Are the walls too full Does it seem claustrophobic?”

“No, i was actually amazed by your art. You’ve gotten even better since high school. They’re so good.”

“Ehh, it’s nothing fancy. Just kind of how I like to center myself, better than getting in trouble. My office is like my home away from home. Even though my apartment is above the shop.”

I circled around the tattooing bed and peeked into his cabinets of supplies. “Have you ever...fucked anyone here?” I asked cheekily.

“What? No way! One, that’s not sterile. Two, i could lose my license. Three, that’s just gross. Besides, I’m not an out in the open kind of guy. If i’m going to do something it sure as hell wouldnt be in here. Don’t be a perv.”

“I’m joking!” I hit his chest playfully. “I’m just curious about the man you’ve become.”

“What kind of man do you think I am?”

I plastered myself against one of the undecorated walls and stared down at my feet. “I don’t know. I know you’re still caring. And still a trouble maker. And...possibly still a good kisser too.”

“A good kisser? I barely knew what I was doing when we first kissed!”

“It was still nice! It was soft and slow. I liked that.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the counter of his supply space. “Do you...want to maybe find out if i’ve improved?”

“I don’t know. You tell me. We’re bad at flirting.” We both smiled as he stepped closer to me, cupping my face in his hand. He was slow to lower his lips to mine but when he did i clutched onto his shirt, pulling him flush against me. I was crushed between him and the wall, not protesting at all as I liked how strong and sturdy he felt. It was only mere seconds before our kiss got hungrier, deeper, and filled with long overdue moans that drove us wild. We only broke apart to catch our breaths that felt like they had been held for ages.

“Wow…” I whispered.

“What’s the verdict?”

“Definitely still good.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in for another round. His large hands grabbed onto my waist, gripping as tightly as he could and accidentally crashed us into the counter. I felt the corner jab into my back and winced in pain. “Ow! Fuck!”

“Shit! Sorry! Sorry!” He looked around the still tight space. “This isn’t going to work out. Do you maybe want to go upstairs? To my place?”

I smiled a big lovey dovey dopey smile, all giggles and giddiness at the prospect of us finally being together. I nodded quickly and he grabbed onto my hand, pulling me out of the office. We tried to slip away as quietly as we could to Yuto’s apartment, not wanting to let his coworkers see us leave though a few teasing whistles followed us as we went up the flight of stairs. When we arrived at the door, he smoothly set the key in the lock and turned it. His hands weren't shaking at all but it felt like my entire body was rattling in anticipation. Once inside I could barely see as the apartment was so dark. Only haphazardly thrown city lights that fell through the window illuminating the sparsely decorated space. The lack of light didn't bother me much as I would much rather feel my way over his body. I expected him to take control, maybe push me up against the door or wall, pick me up and toss me on the bed, but he just stood there.

His weight shuffled between each foot as his gaze was more occupied by the carpet than me. "Yuto? Are you ok?" I whispered. For some reason it felt like I shouldn't startle him.

"What? Oh, yeah, i-i am…"

"You're not really doing anything...Do you not want to anymore?"

"N-no! No! I do! It's just that…" He sighed and looked like he wanted to shrink away. "I got nervous all of a sudden."

I knew Yuto had a soft side but I felt like he had been so confident back at the restaurant. His nervousness now shocked me. "Nervous? Why?"

"It's been so long. We've...I'm sure we've both wanted this since we were teenagers and now that you're here I don't want to fuck this up."

"What makes you think you will?! Yuto…" I pulled him close to me by his hands. "Yuto...don't think that, ok?" I placed soft kisses on his lips while feeding him comforting words. I didn't want him to feel pressured into perfection. I much preferred us to have a good time and not think about all the events that culminated up to this moment. We never thought that this chance encounter would happen or that we would end up in each other's arms again but now that we were it seemed more like a fantasy than reality. "Just give me you. It's all I want."

He pressed his forehead against mine and held onto my waist once more. "But I want it to be. I want it to be perfect."

"No, don't do that to yourself. I care about us making each other feel good, ok? That's all I want, swear it. Let me make you feel good."

He nodded with a heavy sigh, still a bit tentative. I decided to take over, hoping that catering to him would ease his nerves and spark that bit of confidence in him again. I shifted our positions so that his back was now against the wall as I caressed his chest and covered him in more kisses. Through the desperate battle of our lips I managed to slip my hands under the hem of his shirt and shuffle it upwards. He pulled it off by the collar, tossing it somewhere beside us while I became completely entranced by his toned body. The tight v neck he had worn left nothing to the imagination but seeing every inch of his torso uncovered was much more pleasurable than having a fabric barrier between us.

I worked my hands over every dip and striation in his muscles before lowering myself slowly, winding kissing in a heated trail down to the waistband of his jeans. When I was on my knees looking up at him, he seemed to want to protest. He gripped onto my shoulder and pushed against me ever so slightly. I ignored him, shoving his hand aside, as I busied myself with unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down to the middle of his thighs. With just enough room to expose the front of his underwear, i began to tease him with coy licks through the fabric. He let out a shaky breath as I started to increase the length of my licks flowing over the beginnings of his hardening cock. I felt the tension in his thighs finally dissipate and with him relaxing more I eased my mouth over his head and sucked slowly.

His large hand pressed into the back of my skull, not too rough or hard but enough to signal that he wanted more. I moved his underwear down to rest above his jeans, licking my lips as I saw him. I bit my lip for just a second, thinking of all the possibilities of what he would make me feel. I wanted to see his full potential and with that I wrapped my lips around him once more, guiding him so he filled my mouth. I increased the speed of my sucks, hollowing out my cheeks and gripping his base loosely. His hips worked against me, creating a flowing rhythm that coaxed soft, deep moans from him. His voice was like silk; a sensual melody that made goosebumps spread across my arms. I had always had a secret attraction to his voice but hearing it in this manner had me pressing my thighs together.

His fingertips dug into my scalp as his fingers clenched harder around my hair. His thrusts were becoming greedier as he arched his body from the wall. I looked up at him at the same moment he had happened to look down at me. Though i was hard to flex my occupied mouth into a smile, I was sure he could at least see how much I was beaming. He let out a small gasp and turned away then, shying away again. I released him, licking my lips to clear the saliva linked between us. I fisted my hand over his shaft instead, working tight strokes over his length. “Are you going to be shy all night, Mr. Beefy Tattoo Artist Man?”

“S-shut up.” He grumbled. “I’m not shy…”

I tried to hide my giggle as much as possible, knowing he was trying to keep up his tough act and failing miserably. I gave his tip as quick kiss before I rose to my feet. “I think the blush on your cheeks say otherwise.” I teased as I grabbed his hand. I tugged him forward, working my way through his apartment in search of his bedroom.

He ignored my little taunt and instead guided me in the direction of his room, all while trying to keep his pants up. I opened the door and he let my hand go to head over to the small lamp by his bed. He flicked it on and kicked off his jeans before plopping down on the mattress. He reclined back on his arms, legs slightly open and gave me the once over. “I don’t think it’s fair that you’re still dressed.”

“Oh? You dont?” I chuckled. “Does that mean I should do one of those cheesy strip teases where I toss my bra at you?”

“No way!” A big grin crossed his face as he grabbed onto my wrist and yanked me to stand between his thighs. “You’re such a dork, you know that?.”

I pushed his long jet black bangs away from his face and kissed his forehead. “Well, duh. Wait,” A question suddenly popped into my train of thought. “Do you still watch One Piece?”

“We’re about to fuck and that’s what you ask me?” He said, incredulously.

“I’m just curious! I dont know...I remembered when we were in your room and we were watching it together and I gave you the phone charm. And then we had our first kiss.” I shrugged meekly and buried my head in his chest. I was now tha one who was embarrassed that I had brought up such a dumb question at a time like this.

He kissed the top of my head and chuckled. “Trust me, I’ve never forgotten that day. And to answer your question, yes I still do.”

“Is it still on tv?!”

“Not really but the manga continued so i read that online. It’s never gonna stop, I swear. I think theres like over 800 chapters or something.”

“Who goes on that many pirate adventures?! Why in the world would-” I stopped myself as I realized if I kept talking we were going to end up on a tirade about anime. “Sorry, this isn’t really the best dirty talk, huh?”

He smiled and ran his hands over my hips. “Honestly, you’re still turning me on. I’m not that great at dirty talk anyway. I think I sound weird. I like having a nice conversation instead. Takes away from me feeling so tense.” He slipped a couple of fingers beneath my chin, raising my head to feed me a round of kisses. This time they were a bit more gentler, slower even. My heart warmed at his tenderness, fluttering a bit when the tip of his tongue grazed against my bottom lips as if he was asking for permission to deepen the kiss. I parted my lips and leaned into him more. He lowered himself back on the mattress, letting me straddle his hips and give him room to slide his hands beneath my shirt. His brushed his hands up and down my sides, flowing upwards every so often to cup my breasts and knead them within his long fingers. I tried to bite back a small moan but it escaped into his mouth and caused a chain reaction of sensations. His hips bucked up between my thighs and I could feel his hardness against the center of my jeans. His thumbs trapped my nipples in a small and tantalizing pinch and his teeth sunk into my lip and tugged on it slightly.

“Take this off.” He whispered against my jaw that he began to turn his attention to. He grabbed at my shirt and i sat back on his hips, separating us for a moment to pull it over my head. My bra came next, letting me be completely open to stare at. He used his strength to toss me down, hovering over me this time. With my body now more exposed for him, his tongue was much more enthusiastic about sliding over my chest and capturing my nipple between his lips. I eased into a sigh, falling into the bliss of the simplistic movement. His fingers trickled down my stomach before hooking onto the button of my jeans. He flicked it open and slid the zipper down to give space for his hand to fall beneath my panties. I inched my legs apart more and set one hand on the back of his head and the other to hold onto his broad shoulder. I felt his middle finger move between my lower lips, stroking the length of it and coming back to circle around my clit. I breathed out his name as my nails sunk into his skin, trying to ground myself into reality before I lost it completely.

"This ok?" He murmured once his lips left one of my nipples. I found it strange that he was checking in on me- no one had really done that for me before, especially when going so slow.

"Ah...um, yeah. Why wouldn't it be?" I asked.

He hid behind his bangs that had fallen over his forehead again. "I don't know," he shrugged. "Just figured I'd ask."

"I swear I'm ok. I'm not a delicate flower, you should know that by now." I joked.

"Yeah, don't punch me in the nose please."

"You're the one who taught me how to fight anyway." We smiled as I gripped onto my underwear and jeans and slid them off. "This is better. More room for your big ass hand and long fingers."

"A-ah...well…"

I hooked my leg around his waist and set his hand back between my thighs. "Keep going...please."

He sighed softly and slipped back into his motions, coating his fingers with my cum and working long strokes over me. I wiggled my hips in time with him, creating more heated friction that made my stomach clench. Soon enough he pushed a solitary finger inside, pressing me open just a bit and curling against my sensitive walls. I could feel his eyes raking over me; the way my back arched and hands flowed over my chest. A rumble came from deep within his throat and suddenly I could feel his breath ghosting over my clit. The heat of his tongue enveloped me while his finger still worked away, another one being added to the mix. I moved one of my hands to grip his hair, wanting his tongue to be engraved into my skin. He was cautious with his licks too, easing the tip of his tongue up and down almost in time with his fingers. I had never been blessed with someone as attentive as him. Every detail mattered.

His knuckles nudged against my entrance, signaling that all of the length of his fingers was inside me. The tips of his fingers were circling around an extremely delicate area which made a shrill moan escape me. It was similar to a childish squeak and I didn’t know that I could even make that sound, let alone embarrass myself even further. I felt him chuckle against me in a self satisfactory and smug kind of way. I tugged on his hair as a little payback and instead of a protest I got a little growl from him. Fever washed over me like a torrid wave, flowing with the tease of an orgasm. My thighs clamped around his head, making me feel like I was suffocating him but I couldnt help it. Gone was my sense of coherence as his tongue wiggled its way in beside his fingers and made me lose control. My legs tensed around him tighter, my fingers dug into his scalp, and my breath was completely gone. I felt him tap the side of my thigh as he wanted release. I eased myself down and unlocked my vice grip on him, allowing him to surface again.

“You trying to kill me?” He chuckled as he licked his lips.

“S-sorry.” I panted. “I couldn’t help it!”

He crawled on top of me, only lowering his head for a kiss. “Well, i’m glad you enjoyed it, babe. I could probably get used to suffocating between your thighs anyhow.”

I smushed his head away playfully and turned onto my stomach. "Get out of here!"

"Now who's the shy one?" I felt him work kisses down my spine, swirling patterns into my skin every few vertebrae. His hands smoothed over my hips, gently rubbing over them before cupping my ass.

"I'm not being shy!" I said, slightly muffled by the pillow I was gripping onto. "You're just...hmm…" I tried to wiggle away but he wrapped his arms around my ribcage and held me against his chest. I could feel his hardness poking at the junction of my thighs, teasing me with its subtle throbbing and neediness.

"I'm what?" He squeezed me tighter as he buried his face in my neck, distracting me with pecks.

"You're just...you know...good. You feel good. You feel like how I always dreamt you would." I slid my hand over his and intertwined our fingers tightly.

"I could say the same about you. Though you feel way way way more amazing." He kissed the back of my hand and pulled away for a moment to reach under his bed.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Getting a condom from my bin, why?"

"Why is it under your bed?!" I nudged him.

"It's my secret stash, okay! Leave me alone." He laughed and sat back up on the bed as he ripped open the foil.

"Who are you keeping secrets from, huh?" I asked as I booped his nose.

"No one! I told you I don’t like being out in the open!" He wrinkled his nose and shifted away from me to pull the condom on.

"Oh? What kind of other stuff you got in there, huh? Let me see!" I dove forward and tried to take a peek under his bed but Yuto grabbed me and pinned me down, using all his weight on top of me.

"Dont be such a pain in the ass!"

I nudged my ass back against him, giving it a little wiggle. "Maybe i like being a pain in the ass!" I teased. It was fun having banter like this. It felt so natural; i was with my best friend after all. We were all too comfortable with each other and that made every passing moment, every giggle, every kiss and squeeze all the better. I was still laughing but Yuto had quieted down. Instead of poking fun, his hands wrapped around my hipbones. He jerked my body onto its knees and i could feel him sliding through the wetness he had created. I pursed my lips, instantly shutting up as my breath stilled. My eyes fluttered shut, closing out the rest of the world and only focusing on him. I could no longer hear the buzzing of tattoo machines downstairs or how loud his coworkers laughed. Yuto's soft whispers of praises were the only thing floating around my head.

He splayed one of his hands on my lower back, adding just a bit of force so i dipped my stomach towards the bed. His other hand nudged between us to line himself up with my awaiting eagerness, guiding his head in. We both sucked in a harsh breath that seemed to be held until he was full seated inside. Neither of us moved; it was as if time had stopped and both of us hadnt changed. "Y-you ok?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"Ye-yeah. It's fine. Totally fine." I looked back at him over my shoulder. "Go ahead and move.”

He nodded, accepting my permission. His thighs wedged between my own, forcing my legs apart wider. He pulled back, readying his first thrust and when he returned it was like i could feel every inch within the pit of my stomach. My fingers clenched around the pillow as I was stunned by how deep he was getting. Even with such little time connected together I could feel my nerves rocketing under my skin. Something about the way his hands seemingly never wanted to leave my body or the way he kept forcing my hips back against him to keep the perfect rhythm between us was making me a frenzied mess. Every slam of my ass against his hips was like heaven, which seemed silly for me to say. The past men in my life were selfish and nothing to brag about. But with Yuto it was like he was worshiping me, treating me like a queen who deserved to feel nothing but pleasure.

I shuddered when I felt his lips ghost over my spine. He kissed each vertebrae as he made his way up towards my neck when his lips resided against my ear. The softness of his labored breaths filled my eardrum and made me freeze under him. “I cant believe you feel this good.” His voice was trembling slightly as he worked through his thrusts, his bashfulness surfacing again. He had pockets of confidence but more waves of shyness which was how he always was. A defender and fighter for me and for himself but the softest angel beneath. Perhaps that was what made me fall in love in the first place.

“Years of thinking about you just like this probably gave me some practice.” I chortled but still was completely serious.

“You thought about me when you touched yourself?” He asked, astonished.

“Almost always, though it was a bit hard to picture what you looked like as an adult. I was able to still imagine what you would feel like. But you beat my expectations.” I bit onto my bottom lip as i rolled myself back against him, the tip of his cock teasing the beginnings of my entrance just a bit.

“You thought about the way I’d feel right here?” His hand pressed against my lower stomach, pairing with a swift thrust. “Or maybe here?” He traversed lower to circle the pads of his fingertips over my clit bringing a sharp gasp out of me. I nodded, pathetically admitting more to my dirty little secret that only seemed to entice him more. “I like that...:” His deep voice was accompanied by a long lick to the shell of my ear. His teeth dug into the tender cartilage, a hidden turn on of mine. His movements became stronger and it felt as if the bed was shifting beneath us. I pulled the pillow taught against my chest, clutching onto it for dear life as if it would keep me grounded and hold out long enough for a full explosion of desire. Through his sturdy plunges his fingers remained giving attention to my sensitive bud, a bit haphazard but still focused enough to make my toes plant themselves into the mattress. I brought my hand down to cover his, guiding him into the motions that I wanted a bit better. All the attention was making me a puddle of lust that was ready to dive headfirst into losing control.

“Yuto.” I whimpered. “P-please…”

He stopped suddenly and pulled away before shifting me onto my back. He grabbed my jaw firmly, forcing me to look at him. “I want to see you when you do.”

My eyes widened in surprise as his erotic statement, never expecting him to utter such a thing. A small smirk crossed his lips which folded over mine, prying into my mouth and bringing our tongues together. He shifted himself to fall back into my heat while his hand left my face and tangled our fingers together. I squeezed his hand and wrapped my legs around his torso as beads of sweat formed at my temples. He was everything I needed in this moment, or rather my life but i wasnt sure how to face those feelings yet. In two weeks I would leave but now I had a reason to stay. I couldn’t leave for fear of not seeing him for another ten years. Tears prickled behind my eyelids and i tried to will them away. I couldn’t be enveloped by sadness when i was the happiest i’ve ever been.

Yuto left my lips with a small nibble and moved his kisses down to my chest. He infused the valley between my breasts with rushed presses, shifting to wraps his lips around my nipple again and suck deeply. My body arched into his, falling into temptation as my thighs squeezed his torso. His free hand cupped my other breast, pinching the nipple to life. I wrapped my arm under his, my fingers extending over the muscles that rippled beneath his skin with every thrust he made. The swelling of his hardness only stretched me further, making me clamp down and force him to work through the tightness. His lips left my chest only to utter my name in a staggered breath. He lifted his head to see my eyes flutter close. His thumb returned to my clit, more vigorous in its fevered circles but not having to work long before i gave in. Everything rushed out of me; tension, my orgasm, my breath, his name. It was all gone in seconds and his gaze never left me. He placed a kiss on my forehead before burying himself in my neck.

He slipped his arm across my lower back, lifting my hips while i propped myself on my elbows. He rutted his hips in rough circles, gaining speed as he got closer to his own orgasm. Him fucking me just like this was a perfect contrast to us making love and the most delicious ending to our night. I held his head against my neck, nesting my fingers in his hair and assuring him that I wanted him to cum for me, cum hard and cum fast. His hold on me tightened and i was suddenly filled with heat spreading within me. We stayed together for a bit, holding onto each other before the fatigue set in big time. Slowly, we eased onto our backs, laying beside one another with our hands still being held between us.

“Damn,” Yuto chuckled. “You’re making me wish you could stay here forever.”

The sad realization returned and i let go of him to try and distance the feelings that were wedged between us. “I’m only here for two weeks…”

“Yeah? Well at least that’s two weeks of us...you know.” He gave me a wink but noticed my somber demeanor. “What’s wrong?”

“Yuto, I…” I took a deep breath and barely wanted to exhale. “I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. During the decade we were apart I tried to love other people but you were always in the back of my mind. I’m not sure if it was the same for you but now that we’ve somehow met again I don’t know what to do. When i go back home I’ll just miss you again.”

“I didn’t really want to think about this because it hurts too much. I don’t know what to do either. I want you here but we both have lives in different parts of the world. I can’t ask you to up and leave just to be with me. And i have my business here.”

“We’d be so far apart. What if I don’t see you again for another decade?” I sniffled.

“Babe,” He sighed and pulled me to him. “I won’t let that happen. Not again. Our parents aren’t hovering above us anymore. We’re free now. It will be hard but...if you want it then let’s do it.”

“I do want it but...i’m scared.”

“Scared? Of what?”

“Of losing you. I have no idea when I’ll see you again.”

“You don’t have to worry about that.” He said. “Remember how I fought for you all those years ago? Nothing’s changed. I wont ever let you go.”

#yuto adachi #yuto #yuto smut #pentagon #pentagon smut #yuto pentagon #pentagon fanfic #pentagon fanfiction

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mister-lady · 4 years ago

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geez, i love your writing so much. water totally does have a taste tho. otherwise when you went to other places besides your house you wouldn't think that the water tasted weird there!!! which i'm now realizing might just be a me thing lol. anyway! if it's okay to send another prompt (i don't wanna overwork you!) then howa bout 9 with Remus cuz you said you didn't like him at first and the prompt says "forced to spend time together"!!!

*sobs* th-thANK yoUu!!!! And exactly!!!! Water has a taste!!!!! Janus doesn't agree tho smh. I definelty get that tho! One of my friends house that I go to I cant have their water cause it tastes funky to me dkkvkskg.

AAA ILLYYYY🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘❤💘❤❤❤💘❤💘❤💘❤❤❤🌟❤❤❤❤❤❤💘💘💘💘🌟🌟🌟🌟you're not overworking me at all!!!!!!!! I'm absolutely loving all of these thank you sososoo muchhh🥺🥺🥺🥺👉👈👉👈👉👈👉👈👉😭👈👈😭😭😭🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺💘❤💕❤💕❤💕❤❤💕 this was super fun to do!!! Especially becuase I normally don't talk much about my enemies to lovers thing with Remus so it was kinda nice to almost project it onto here!!!🥰🥰🥰 Also sorry I got a little carried away while writing and it got a little off-topic from the prompt-

Prompt: A moves into a new apartment and wants to check out the closest dog park. Their dog loves it there, especially that one dog that seems to be there almost every time they go. With their dogs being madly in love with each other, A and the other owner, B, are forced to spend more time together as well

Warnings: strong curse words used a minor amount. Very small angst.

----------------------------

Matt had moved into an apartment, hoping to build up some money for a home. He was living the life though, being able to do things when he wanted, without people complaining at him. However, Matt had gotten a little lonely so he did the best solution! He got a pet. Now, Matt normally wasn't a fan of dogs, mainly ones that barked a lot, but when he had been searching through the animal shelter and found a very peaceful dog. It was maybe around 1 year old and it was a small poneramium. Normally small dogs barked a lot but this one was fairly quiet and Matt liked it for that. He named his dog Siskel. Since an apparment was a small place Matt had searched up local dog parks he could take his dog to and let it play for a bit and get some exercise. Matt was unbelievably happy when his dog had found another dog friend! He thought they were adorable together and seemed to get along so well too! What he hated was the rat-bastard that owned the dog. You know how theres the couple in movies that want be together but the parents hate eachother? It was essentially that for Matt, but it was one-sided. The other person seemed to find Matt amusing, even though Matt had often showed that he didn't care much for him. Sometimes Matt would feel bad for the way he treated the person, he never gave him a true chance. But then the person would say something that made Matt stop feeling as guilty. The downfall for Matt was that he had scheduled days that he could go to the park where he had free time so it's not like he could ignore the other guy either. Plus, he would feel bad for depriving his puppy of it's friend just because Matt had been salty.

Matt had currently been sitting on a bench at the dog park and was keeping a close eye on Siskel. He made sure to keep his dog on a leash incase it did go to do soemthing bad, he could pull it back, plus, he didn't have to worry about Siskel running off either. Matt could tell just by the way his dog acted, that it was impatiently waiting for it's friend to arrive. Matt was trying to take it's mind off of waiting for it's friend and was throwing a pinecone for his dog. He would use a toy but if another dog came up who knew wheres its mouth had been? Siskel knew not to fully bite on the pinecone, but it would still bark at it and pretend to play with it. Matt couldn't help but smile as he watched. Though, poor Matthew's smile didn't last for long as he felt the same ol' guy sit next to him. Matt knew a little information about him, like his name and such, but only because he had told him like Matt had asked.

"Hey, Maaattttt!!" He chimed.

"Hi, Remus" Matt huffed.

Matt watched as the dogs quickly ran up to eachother and played with a pinecone together. It was very wholesome. However Matt casted a confused glance towards Remus, not understanding why he was so silent.

"You're quiet." Matt commented, while raising an eyebrow.

"I am?" Remus asked, as if he wasn't aware of what Matt was talking about.

"Yeah, normally you're rambling on about something that happened to you, or about how you poisoned your enemies cake or soemthing." Matt soon regretted speaking up, as he watched a very amused smile grow across Remus's face.

Remus gave Matt a very tight hug, causing Matt to squeak from alarm. Matt couldn't help but notice now warm Remus had felt and he could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.

"Wh-.. what?" Matt questioned.

"You do listen!!! I was always afraid you never listened to my stories!" Remus seemed to be bursting with excitement.

"Well, I mean I kinda have too, you tail me around against my will." Matt flatly pointed out.

"Pssshh, yeah cuase you don't like me. Totally"

"I hate you. And why are you still hugging me??"

Remus withdrew and let go of the hug. Matt could've sworn he thought Remus looked a little upset for a moment, but if he did it was quickly replaced by happiness.

"You knowwww... it took you a little while for you to tell me to stop hugging youuu" Remus teased.

"You're honestly the biggest idiot I know and it hurts to be around you."

"You can insult me all you want but it's not going to change the fact that you like my hugs!"

"You're a lunatic and burn down places. The last thing I want is your hugs."

"Is that why you let me hug you?"

"I didn't let you hug me! If I did I would've hugged back. But I didn't."

"You let me hug you and you listen to what I say? Mmmmm... I'm pretty sure you like me."

"I don't like you, I'm just that lonely."

"Most people that don't like me get a restraining order, so you must like me to some extent, right?" Remus gave Matt a puppy-eyed look.

Matt groaned in annoyance. "I just might if I have to sit here any longer."

"That's not a no~"

"And it's definitely not a yes."

"Well, it's not a no, so I'll take what I can get."

"You're a dunce."

"I still don't see why you hang out with me so much then."

"Hang?? Out?? I-? Me??- with yOu??-" Matt stumbled over his words in aghast. "Okay, I certainly don't, and would never, hang out with you, Remus. You come up to me. I deal with it because for some stupid reason my dog likes your dog, and I do what's good for my dog because I have a little bit of common sense."

Remus pouted at Matt's little tangent and crossed his arms. "Fine. I won't talk with you then. Maybe then you'll like me more."

Matt shook his head, "Why do you care so much for whether I like you or not?"

Remus only glared at him and didn't respond. Matt decided to take the opportunity of peace and quiet, however, as time started to pass, he felt like something was bugging him. Like he was itching to do soemthing and he didn't know what. Like something was...off. He gave Remus a curious glance, wondering if he had done something, but by the looks of it he was behaving like a decent human being. If that was the case, then what was bugging Matt?? He had gotten what he wished for, had he not? He subconsciously gave Remus an almost longing kind of look, and Remus met his gaze for a split second, only to look away. Matt couldn't help but fear a pang of hurt in his heart, only to be quickly filled with frustration at himself. Remus complete was the opposite of a normal, decent, and civilized person. All he did was annoy Matt, so why did Matt feel bad? He quickly answered his own question. Remus hadn't done anything bad directly towards Matt, and Matt had acted like a huge douche towards him for no reason. Matt felt his eyes water up a bit at the realization and quickly blinked it away. He felt terrible for the way he had acted.

"I'm sorry." Matt spoke, his voice cracking a little bit causing him to inwardly cringe.

Remus looked at him, but gave him a questioning look as if asking him to go on.

"I'm sorry for being a massive and terrible douche towards you. You hadn't done anything wrong, if anything, out of all the things you've told me about I should be lucky that you didn't do anything to me and I'm really, really, sorry and I know that doesn't really change anything but I completely understand if you don't forgive me, and honestly with the way I've treated you I probably don't deserve your forgiveness." Matt had gotten repeatedly choked up as he spoke and had to keep clearing his throat or blinking away the water in his eyes in a sad attempt to hide what he was feeling.

Remus eyes had widened in surprise. That was by far not what he had expected at all. He didn't expect too much of an appology especially from Matt, so the heart felt appology took him a few seconds to process.

"..Matt?" Remus spoke.

"Yea?"

"Can I hug you?"

Matt quickly nodded his head and felt his face twist as he felt a few tears go down his face agaisnt his will. He didn't realize all the weird feelings he had subconsciously bottled up, but as Remus tackled him into a hug, almost knocking him off the bench they had been sitting on, Matt couldn't help but sniffle a little bit. He felt the warmth from Remus engulf him again, and his mind drifted to how nice Remus's arms and hands had felt to be wrapped around him. Matt tried to calm down his sudden emotions and breathed a little more slowly, and slowly slithered his arms up and around Remus's back and rested his head on his shoulder.

"We never speak of this to anyone." Matt mumbled.

Remus giggled and nodded his head in agreement, causing Matt to laugh a little bit himself.

"I knew you always liked me a little bit." Remus teased.

#ayyoo!!#done!!!!!#im sorry this took super long but thank you thank you thank you thank yoouuu!!!!!!!!#this was honestly super super fun to write!!!!!#thnak youu!!!!!!!!!!!#and thank you for all the prompts!! ur so suepr duper sweet and its been super fun to write thank you ur such a blessing 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💘💕#🎵jamie!!🎵#M.A screams

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shadedrose01 · 4 years ago

Text

Monster

Relationships: Harley Keener & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Harley Keener/Peter Parker

Tags: Time Travel, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Canon Character Death Discussed, Canonical Character Death, Its not shown tho, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Harley Keener Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Acting as Harley Keener's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure

Prompts: “2029, that’s not a real year” / time travel / future au

Notes: HAPPY PARKNER WEEK 2020 EVERYBODY!! Im so excited for this, and I hope you guys are too! We're starting off with a fic that's more irondad with Harley than parkner, oops 😅 BUT most of the rest of the week is allll parkner. Either way, I hope you all enjoy!! 💞��

Read on ao3 here!

The tools he was subconsciously fidgeting with fall to the floor with a few loud bangs, and theres a quick thought of "oh shit, Jax" before its gone and the overwhelming reality of his situation smacks him in the face and floods his mind. This, this can't be real, he reasons, his eyes wide and his jaw dropped, his vision blurry from sudden tears as he stares at the hologram in front of his own two eyes. Blinks, ignoring the tracks that run down his cheeks, rubs his eyes hard, checks again. Because it can't be true, but the hologram still says "successful", still shows the 99.73% chance of working, still gleams in a bright green glow and illumates the entire room.

He releases a shuttering breath, takes a wobbly step back on legs that feel like they'll give out at any second, grasps on tightly to the table beside him to hold him upright as his gaze is still locked into the image still in front of him, still existent, still real even though it couldn't be, it was too good to be true, but it was.

He places his free hand hand over his mouth, his lips pulling at his cheeks as his smiles so unbelievably wide, tears slipping into his mouth unbeknownst to him because- he did it. He really did it.

Harley had found a way to recreate time travel. He had his chance.

Eleven years ago, Harley had disappeared into ashes and dust, had died along with half of the entire planet, the entire universe. Six years ago, he had returned, lost and confused, only to find his house in shambles, his mother dead and that Tony Stark- the man that had saved his life once upon a time- had done it again, along with everyone else by snapping the infinity stones and bringing everyone back, losing his own life in the process. A few days after that, he was called by Pepper Potts herself- or, Pepper Stark now, he later discovers- to tell him the news, and personally invite him to his funeral. A few weeks, and he was on a plane, then in a car, then surrounded by people, heroes in which he didn't know, seemingly the only non-powered kid there, outside of Tony Stark's daughter.

Six years ago, Harley Keener met one Peter Parker, and everything fell into place. Everything that was once dark, cloudy, uncertain after a whole five years of being gone, was now bright, sunny, and hopeful. They were at a funeral, sure, but Harley just knew that they were meant to be. They just clicked, and as the days, weeks, months, and years went on, they had grown together. First through their grief, then their confusion, their bitterness, fustration and anger at a world that had moved on without them, then through their connection, their love. They had talked through messages and even hand written letters when they were 16, 17, they had went to university together when they were 18, 19, moved in together when they were 20, 21, and adopted their Jackson, or Jax as they called him, when they were 22, 23. They were soulmates since the moment they met, had found each other when they needed each other most, and Harley had always said, always known that it was Tony who had put them together, who had put them in the same place and gifted them with the other, and Harley couldn't have been more thankful.

And yet... Harley couldn't get this stupid idea out of his head. He had gotten it the first year after, when he had drank away his sorrows and clambered to the lab, throwing things out of the closet, Tony's closet in a fit of passion, of agony and loss, until he had stumbled upon two glass tubes full of a vibrant red liquid and had frozen solid, like a deer in the headlights, an idea, a plan forming in his head. He had scribbled down everything he could think of, he drew what he remembered of the way the time portal had looked, had rambled to Peter about once he had come home from his patrol- his coping mechanism of the time- trying to think of ways to recreate the very time machine Tony had recreated to go back to retrieve the stones, only instead of getting stones, they'd be saving him, saving Tonys life and it would be great.

But, then he remembers how Peter had shut it down then and there, how upset the other man had gotten, thinking Harley was insane, telling him of all the things that could go wrong, of how it could change the entire outcome of the universe, and then, once he recognized how drunk Harley truly was, had dragged him to bed and given him an ultimatum in the morning, had told him to forget the idea in the morning, or else they were over. And Harley had forgotten about it for a while, had put it into the back of his mind and tried to focus on the here and the now, tried to focus on their relationship, on Peter, on his kid, on their lives... but he just couldn't get it out of his mind. Not completely. It was like an itch he couldn't scratch, that just grew more and more itchy the longer he ignored it. When he had proposed to Peter underneath the stars, at a candlelight dinner, and they had called all of their family afterwards, he had felt a pang in his heart. When he had gotten married to the man of his dreams in the forest, surrounded by their family and friends, he had ached, knowing Tony would've been in the front seat, probably crying like a baby, even though he'd never admit it. When they had adopted little Jax, and gotten to hold their baby for the first time, Harley had yearned, aching for the father figure in his life to help give him advice, to help tell him what to do, to be there at all. Even though Tony and Harley hasn't been close before everything, he had always wanted Tony to be there for these steps of his life, and he knew, knew that Tony had wanted it too. He wanted to rant to him about his crush, wanted to ask for his hand, wanted him to walk him down the aisle, wanted him to teach him how to be a dad, wanted to tell him all about Jax and his quirks, his first steps, "He's babbling now, Tony, it's the cutest sound you'll ever hear!" and he just...

He hears footsteps walking down the hall, and Harley's breath hicks. His gaze shifts to the two smaller tubes on full display on his desk, just beside the reactor for Iron Lad suit that he had upgraded for this exact situation, just in case this moment ever happened. He hears Peter call his name, sounding a little worried, and his gut drops, his heart beating like stallion galloping in an open field. He doesn't think as he grabs the reactor, sticking it to his chest and pressing it, feeling the nanites fall into place over his skin as he also grabs the tubes, putting one into the canister and the other into a holding area, for his way back, before racing to the platform and hovering his finger over the button, the system already set to bring him back to April 15th, 2023.

He knew Peter would be upset, and might hate him, might leave him for this but... he had a chance, and he just couldn't let it go. He squeezes his eyes shut, feels more liquid slip down his cheeks, silently begs for forgiveness before pushing the button just as his helmet falls in front of his face, Peter's face, full of unbridled fear being the last thing he sees, a scream of his name being the last thing he hears before he shrinks, collapsing again and again as he weaves through tunnels of nothing, of time, he assumes, his eyes narrowing and his teeth clenching as his body is bashed around by the wind and speed of his decent, until suddenly he's on the ground again, on all fours, his hands and feet grabbing onto dirt and surrounded by dust particles floating in the air. Harley gasps, panting out fast breathes as he sits up, and turns to look behind him, his mask retracting instinctively as he sees the ruins of the Avengers Compound, and loses his breath again.

He's here, holy shit, he's here, he's doing this, oh my god Peter was going to kill him.

His head whips around as he hears a loud yell, multiple yells, and then screaming, sounds of weapons clashing and fists thumping, people fighting, and it brings him right back into his reality, his helmet returning over his face as he creeps forward, around the rock (or scrap of compound, Harley couldn't tell) that he was hiding behind to see the battle firsthand, the allies matched by the enemies one for one. From here, Harley can see Black Panther, T'Challa swiping at an aliens ankles before jumping on top of him and slitting his throat, while his sister Shuri is beside him, shooting lasers the smaller ones rushing beside them. A wizard is using a magic rope against another alien creature, holding it down while a... goose? Duck? Burns its face with a cigar. Harley doesn't know why he's surprised at that, he's seen weirder in his years, but he shakes it off quickly, whispering for his AI, TON-EE, to track and find her namesake.

He can't be seen, he knows that much. Iron Lad didn't exist at this time, Harley wasn't apart of the battle, and now, as he watches it take place all around him, smells the sharp bitterness in their air, breathes in particles and coughs out soot, he's sort of thankful that he wasn't, a complete contrast to the nights, the years spend wishing that he was.

TON-EE beeps at him, and then a map comes up, of one large red dot surrounded by what looks like a million tiny white ones, all allies and enemies, and when it zooms out, Harley can see its right in the middle, right where all of the action is. Of course Tony could be there, in the hardest place possible for him to get to. He's gotta make things harder for him, even after death. Or, before death? Whatever, it doesn't matter. Or, it won't, if Harley gets his way.

He's just gotta get there now. He can hear the battle raging on in the background as he whispers to TON-EE, and starts to fly, feeling the armor shift as it turns and flips, the retroreflective panels going into place and turning him mostly invisible to the naked eye. Normally he wouldn't fly when in this mode, his replusors and their glow would give him away, but he's hoping the battle will be enough of a distraction to where nobody will notice. Or, if they do, they'll ignore it for the time being, and assume he's just another ally. He makes sure he's high above the battle, making sure to keep an eye on the flyers around him- Falcon is dropping grenades and bombs further into enemy territory, and Ant-Man, while huge, couldn't move very fast, so he should be fine- as he zooms into the warzone, moving quickly and efficiently, watching as the red dot gets bigger, closer.

He feels something out of the corner of his eye, in his blind spot, and he jerks backwards at the last second, just as a giant white Pegasus flies past him, a woman on its back and a higher pitched scream of "woAH-" flying past afterwards, hanging from- from a web, Harley freezes, realizes, watching Spider-Man, watching Peter cling to the web as he gets thrown around haphazardly, hanging off of the horse, clutching onto what he knows is the infinity gauntlet, remembers from when Peter told him so all those years ago, a few months after all of this. Told him that he had it, that he should've held onto it when Carol asked for it, should've gotten the stones and used it himself, should've saved everyone himself, he mightve survived it after all but Harley had only felt fear, knowing that he wouldn't have. He shakes the memory away, and follows the swirving horse, the clinging spider, knowing it'll lead him straight to where he needs to be.

The thing was, Harley had forgotten why Peter had fallen to the ground, why Carol had gotten the chance to ask him for the gauntlet, only remembering when he hears a scream of "Look out!" Before all hell breaks loose, canons shooting down from the sky and exploding to the ground, shaking the earth beneath him.

"Shit!" He tries to fly out of the trajectory, tries to get out of the battlefield while still staying close, but his leg gets nipped by the beam, he gets thrown off balance, and then he's falling, and crashes to the ground with a loud bang that's sounds quiet compared to the booms of the canons, of the tremors of the earth he can now feel beneath his fingertips, his entire body shuttering with the ground. He groans, his body searing with pain, before his mind reboots and the panic sets in. He checks the storage area, sighing with relief when the vial is still in tact, before checking his system to see whats broken, what's working, whats still up. His back replusor is down, so his flight system is gone, but outside of that, it seems everything is still working, and he breathes out a sigh of relief. Its okay, he can still do this, he'll just- have to find his way on land, he'll just have to be more careful.

He glances around, the earth still exploding around him, hearing wails of pain from people he can't even see, dust scattering in the air and blood seeping into the dirt, his stomach churning at the sight and his ears ringing as he tries to focus, stepping forward to run into the field, to find his way to Tony just as the tracker system reappears in his field of vision, just as he sees the red dot basically overtaking the screen, just as he's grabbed and is suddenly in flight, weaving through the air in somebody's arms.

Before Harley can even struggle, he's being dropped, the two suits landing back down at the same time, and Harley turns, his eyes widening as he sees the signature red and gold, scruffed and marked and dirty from the fight, the bright blue glow of the arc reactor, and the two eye slits that disappear as his visor retracts and suddenly Harley is stumbling because oh my god, he did this, this is it, this is- he is-

"Kid?? Is that you?" Tony asks, voice full of wonder and awe, full of bewilderment and concern, his iries a little darker, softer than he remembered, his hair and beard full of gray hairs and his face full of wrinkles from smiling, laughing, crying, and he's so real, this is real, that Harley can't help the sob that bubbles out of his chest, that slips past his lips. He can hear Tony still talking to him, saying something about Harley's suit, but he doesn't even hear it, can't hear it as he stumbles forward and pulls the man into a tight hug, his body lurching forward in another silence cry, tears flowing down his pushed up cheeks harder when he feels the warmth beneath his fingertips, the smooth metal and the feeling of skin and stubble against his cheek and he's here, he's okay, he's alive. "Harley?" The man murmurs quieter, sounded so confused but also not questioning, seemingly not caring as he pulls the younger man closer, running a hand down his back and pressing a kiss to the side of his head. "Bud?"

"I'm sorry," He blurts out, and he doesn't even know why he says it, but he needs him to know, needs him to. "I'm sorry. I just-" He rubs at his eye with a free hand, burrowing his face into Tony's neck, feeling the rapid bump of a heartbeat beneath his skin and sobbing again. "I missed you so much." Its a whisper, under his breath, one he doesn't mean for Tony to hear, but its clear he does, the man stiffening up for a few seconds before untensing with a shaky breath, tugging Harley even closer.

They don't say anything else for a while, Tony clearly thinking, putting together pieces of a situation he shouldn't even know, that Harley never should have told him, but he can't care, doesn't care right now as he feels Tony move, feels his chest rise and fall with each breath, feels the heat beneath his skin, feels his jaw moving and his cheek shifting as he blinks, and breaths, and lives. Harley could stay here forever, and be happy, but he knows he can't, knows that isn't how this day should, or can, go.

"What year are you from?" The older man questions, finally breaking the silence between them as he seemingly put the puzzle together, and Harley releases a shaky exhale, shutting his eyes, longing to block out the world and live in this moment forever.

"2029," He answers anyways, honestly, and suddenly Tony snorts, Harley furrowing his eyebrows at the seemingly random sound until-

"2029? Come on, that's not a real year."

Harley bursts into chuckles, unexpectedly, and from the grin it places on Tony's face, that was the purpose of the tease. "I mean it, old man. 2029."

Tony lets out a noise similar to a squawk at the old man comment, and lightly smacks the back of his head as Harley snickers, feeling so light and warm, he missed this, he missed this feeling so much, and seemingly sensing the sadness lingering under Harleys skin, the mood darkens again, their voices quieting again as Tony whispers, "2029, wow."

"Yeah," Harley whispers back, feeling the heaviness in the air on his back, his shoulders, his lungs, almost suffocating him with its thickness.

"So you're... 24?"

"23." He corrects, as Tony finally steps back and Harleys fingers twitch to pull him back in, as Tony's hand grabs his chin lightly, a thumb rubbing his cheek in a soothing, paternal gesture, his eyes softening even more, growing shiny in the faint gray light.

"All grown up."

Harley hums in affirmation, ignoring the way the back of his eyes start burning again, his heart swelling. "I have a kid, a son." Now that he has the chance, everything just seems to be spilling out of him without filter.

Tony's eyes widen and his face glows with a pride that makes Harley's shoulders shutter again, even as his smile widens far enough to break his face. "A son, huh?"

"Yeah, me and- me and Peter adopted him a few months ago, his name is Jackson Anthony, and- and he's perfect, Tony, he's perfect, he's so small, and sweet, and he barely cries, he's like a dream." And that he's started, he can't seem to stop, spilling quickly about Jax, and about Peter, the wedding, their life and how wonderful it is, how much he loves them, but before he knows it, he's biting his tongue and freezing into place, words on the tip of his tongue that he dare not let out, he can't, his chest feeling heavy and aching as he thinks, 'God I wish you could've been there'.

Tony just smiles, tight and sad, like he knows what he's thinking, like he knows what happens, and brushes another tear off his cheek as he asks, soft and low, "Harley, why are you here? Why did you come back?" And Harley just stares at him, begging and pleading him to understand without him having to say it, and when the mans face shutters, his eyes darkening and his smile tilting into a light frown, he knows that he does. "Kid-"

"I couldn't-" He shakes his head, clenching and unclenching his hands rapidly. "I had a chance, Tony, and I had to, I have to-"

"You can't, bub." Tony murmurs, and Harley just shakes his head again, harder, firmer.

"I have to."

"You can't." He restates, holding onto Harley's arms tightly and forcing him to make eye contact, to look him in the eyes even if Harley wants to look anywhere else, wants to think of any other way, any other option than this. "This is my destiny, kid."

"It doesn't have to be, there has to be another way," Harley pleads, "Captain Marvel could survive the snap, I did the calculations, if I just get the glove to her-"

Tony just shakes his head too, looking eerily serious, sullen. "It could change too much, it could change everything, Harley-"

"So? You'd survive-"

"You have a husband, and a kid-"

"So did you!" Harley spits back, shaking off Tony's hold and glaring at him, even as he shakes, and swallows around a lump in his throat. "You had Pepper, and Morgan, and- and Peter, and me and you just- you still want to just-"

All of the fight rushes out of him, and his shoulders slump, his head held low and salt pooling at his chin, dripping to the floor. Tony takes a step forward, and carefully places a hand onto Harleys shoulder, stating calmly, accepting, "I made my choice, kid. And I don't regret it." When Harley peers up at it, face scrunched up in agony, Tony continues, soft and sad. "How can I, when I get to see this? When I know you and Peter are so happy, when I-" He swallows. "When I hope Pepper has moved on, and Morgan has got the chance to grow up with his two older brothers." He squeezes Harley's face, and gives him a smile made only for him, full of honest, open love. "How can I regret any of it, when I know all of my family is together again?"

"Without you." Harley chokes out, and Tony's smile stays, shrugs once.

"If thats the price to pay, I'll pay it. I told myself I'd do anything, anything to get you and Peter back. I knew it was worth it, worth anything, and now, this," He rubs Harleys cheek as he crumbles with another agonizing sob, "Now I know for sure. It was worth it. It was all worth it."

Harley falls into his arms again, wailing loudly into his chest, and Tony just soothes him, shushes him quietly and holds him close. "I miss you so much,"

"I know," He murmurs faintly.

"I love you so much." He sobs, and Tony just presses a harder kiss to his head, and holds it there for a few seconds, liquid dripping onto his head.

"I love you too, polpetta. More than you'll ever know."

"I don't know if I can- can lose you again."

Tony doesn't answer this time, and Harley cries harder, his entire body tremoring just like the ground did, knowing, knowing he has to back, knowing he cant change Tony's mind, but aching, his heart shattering and crumbling into pieces of dust similar to the compound surrounding them, and it takes a few more minutes, a few more moments of a hug so tight it makes his muscles whine, his bone creak, before Tony tells him quietly, melancholy. "You gotta to back, Harls."

He squeezes the man again, nodding, knowing he's right, knowing his husband his back there in the garage waiting for him, knowing his son is in his cradle, fast asleep, knowing his life is waiting for him back home. He savors the last few seconds of holding his father, his dad in his arms, before he steps back. Tony gives him a grin, one last, big toothy smile, a complete contrast to the shine in his eyes, on his cheeks, and Harley smiles back, saying one last "I love you," and hearing it echoed in return.

"I love you too. Both of you, all of you."

He takes the vial out of the storage slot, putting into place, and glances up one last time, searing all of Tony's features into his mind, into memory, his words echoing in his head as he presses the button, whispers a goodbye, and shrinks.

The return back is much faster, Harley only getting a blink before he's back in his garage, the room a mess similar to how he left it, and the first thing he sees is Peter, his husband, the love of his life still stood in the very same place, in the doorway of the garage, his baby browns wide and teary, looking so fearful, so scared, yet so thankful that Harley returned.

"Harley?!?" He gasps, and Harley barely gives his suit time to retract before he's rushing forward and crashing into Peter, Peter already into soothing mode and whispering faint reassures, to himself or to harley he doesn't know, Harley crumbling again in his arms and sputtering out, over and over and over, "He loves you, he loves us, loves us so much." Like its the last chance he'd ever get to say it again.

Peter just holds him close, similar to the way his dad did only moments before, and Harley sinks into the warmth, vowing to live in the here and the now from now on. To live in the moment, and be there for his husband and his son, knowing that Tony was watching over them, with that same proud smile and little glint in his eyes.

#parkner week 2020 #parkner #parley #harley keener/peter parker #harley keener #peter parker #tony stark #irondad #this is mostly irondad oops #sorryyy #the rest of the week will be better #or more parkner anyways 😂

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tacittherapist · 5 years ago

Text

Heartbeats quicken. The tremors return. Rose opens her laptop, glancing about to make sure she’s alone. Gods forbid anyone, especially Jade, see her revisit one of her lowest points. She craves it -- to know the bitter ennui of her past mistakes is a nectar that keeps her reality grounded and the fire under her lit. This particular memory is perhaps the worst mistake of her young life though, and to correct it would be to supp deep from the ichor of sweet relief. She pulls up the log...

tacitTherapist [TT] started trolling grimAuxiliary [GA].

TT: So. GA: So TT: It’s come to this. GA: Indeed It Has TT: And you’re still not budging. GA: Consider My Position Entirely Unmoved TT: Entirely? That seems a bit harsh. GA: This Is A Harsh Reality TT: I imagined you’d have at least granted me the niceties and lied about how malleable your convictions are. GA: Rose GA: What Is There Left To Say GA: We Have A Crucial Difference In Opinion That Cannot Be Reconciled GA: We Have Iterated Our Arguments To Each Other For Days Without Relent GA: The Underlying Basis To This Disagreement Is Presupposed On The Notion That This Infernal Game Has Shown You The Right Course Of Action Without Any Other Supporting Evidence That It Isnt Simply Lying To You Once Again TT: They aren’t lies, they’re possibilities. GA: But Only One Of Them Will Happen To Us GA: The Rest Dont Matter GA: Thus They Are Lies And There Is Just One Truth TT: Couching your beliefs that way is what I disagree with. GA: Then You Arent Fucking Listening GA: Only One Of Those Timelines Will Be The One We Are In GA: So Forgive Me If I Buttress My Language In Solipsistic Idiom GA: Unless You Can Give Me More Than One Percent Assurance That We Will All Make It Through This By Jumping On This Fantastic Savior Satellite GA: I Cannot Support Your Idea And I Suggest You Let It Go TT: I can’t. GA: I Know GA: Thats Why Theres Nothing Left To Say TT: I disagree. I think there are a variety of things left to say. GA: Do They Relate To The Problem At Hand Or Are You Stalling TT: Irrelevant. The impetus of communication isn’t inherently problem-solving, it’s to convey meaning. GA: The Impetus Does Solve A Problem GA: You Want To Convey Meaning So The Solution Is Communication TT: Semantics. I’m saying there are other avenues of thought we must explore first. GA: Rose According To You We Are Running Out Of Time GA: Is This Truly How You Want To Spend Your Last Moments With Us GA: Bickering Pointlessly On Separate Computers To Avoid Devolving Into Another Shouting Competition Which Karkat Invariably Wins TT: Would you rather I pivot into sweet nothings about how I’ve so enjoyed our time together on this desolate rock? TT: Would you rather I spin the yarn of our tale aboard this distant laboratory, slowly starving as our grist cache dwindles? TT: Must I recount our feeding calendar in which we literally take turns stemming the hunger pangs until we all eventually succumb to malnutrition and sickness simultaneously? GA: No TT: Then this is how I’m spending my last moments. Quite presumptuous of you to assume I’ve made up my mind as well. For all you know, I could be swayed and end up staying here. GA: Given You Were Just Eviscerating My Position Mere Seconds Ago As To Why We Should Stay Here Im Sufficiently Certain You Wont TT: That’s another issue. Your certainty. The Light has shown me countless avenues to success. There are literally endless timelines in which we follow my advice and everyone meets up to finish the game. TT: And yet you’re somehow unwaveringly certain that none of them will occur? GA: Your Argument Swings Both Ways TT: I don’t appreciate the implicit reference to my confusing sexuality, but go on. GA: If There Are Countless Possibilities In Which We Succeed Following Your Idea Then There Are Also Countless Possibilities In Which We Succeed Not Following Your Idea GA: Its Two Infinities GA: The Question Lies In Which Infinity Is Bigger TT: That makes no sense, infinity is infinity. GA: Yes But Some Infinities Are Larger Or Smaller Than Others GA: Some Infinities Are Not Even Truly Infinity But We Consider Them Infinity For The Sake of Mathematics TT: How does that make even remote sense? GA: While You Were Studying The Majyyk I Was Reading The Calculus TT: I didn’t realize I was speaking to Jade’s pupil. GA: You Arent GA: If I Were Jades Pupil Wed Have Met Up By Now And We Wouldnt Be Having This Inane Conversation TT: But you can become her pupil! If you just come with me. Trust me, Kanaya. Please. GA: I Trust You Rose GA: But I Cannot Go With You GA: Look GA: The Prophecy Satellite Is On The Horizon GA: You Have Not Much Time TT: Technically I have all the time I need. GA: Dave Has Sworn Off His Powers And You Know This TT: He can be convinced. GA: If Your Powers Of Persuasion On Him Are Anything Like They Are On Me I Highly Doubt That TT: Fuck you. GA: Rose

A pregnant pause passes as Rose looks over on the horizon. The satellite is indeed coming into view.

TT: I’m sorry, Kanaya. TT: I love you. GA: I Love You Too Rose GA: But This Is Goodbye TT: It doesn’t have to be. GA: What GA: Didnt We Just Go Over That Im Not Coming With You And That You Arent Staying Here TT: Yes. But if you don’t say goodbye, it means we’ll meet again. GA: Rose This Is Childish TT: If you don’t say goodbye, it isn’t the end. GA: This Is The End Rose TT: It isn’t the end. I’ll see you again. I’ll find John and Jade by myself and we’ll come get you. GA: How GA: How Long Will It Take To Find Them GA: And How Will You Find Us If You Ever Do GA: This Laboratory Is Bound To Continue Drifting Even After You Depart GA: We Wont Stay Frozen In Place Once You Leave GA: This Isnt Like One Of Those Trashy Rainbowdrinker Books You Devoured GA: This Is Real Rose GA: You Must Face This Truth TT: We are the shapers of our world. GA: Not This Again TT: We determine our own fate. GA: Rose This Is A Quote From Another Novel Please Dont Do This TT: We mold the physical to our whims and thrust it forward through our own designs. We shape destiny. We reject that which displeases us and create our own reality. TT: Can you really not indulge me? As this one last act of kindness? GA: I Will Allow You One Kindness But It Will Not Be This TT: Fine. As my last act of kindness from you, I want... GA: It Cannot Be Something Ridiculous TT: I want you to forget me. GA: What The Fuck Did I Just Say TT: Hear me out. TT: If truly everything we’ve been through thus far has meant so little that you can’t put your faith in my decision, I want you to forget it. TT: It will be as if it never happened. I was merely a phantom in this session, and should I somehow return (against your predictions), I will get to vindictively rub it in your face. TT: But if you’re right, and I never return, the pain for you is lessened. You were never in a relationship with me, so there’s nothing to mourn. I never existed. Things were simply bad, and my nagging insistence to redirect our course was never there. TT: I want you to forget me. GA: Rose You Know I Cant Do That TT: Not even for me? As your last kindness? GA: It Would Not Be Kind To Invalidate The Memories You Ensured We Would Create GA: It Would Not Be Kind To Devalue Everything You Have Done For Us GA: And I Still Cherish Those Memories Even If They Led To Something Painful TT: It will only cause you more pain if you hold onto them. I don’t want you to suffer. GA: I Want To Suffer These Memories GA: They Offer Me Some Reassurance TT: But not enough to convince you to join me. GA: No

Rose stops typing, a nerve in her snapping. Her face goes beet-red, despair swelling into wrath. She sets her claws to the keyboard once more.

TT: Then if not by your grace, I’ll make you forget through spite. GA: What TT: I want to be forgotten. I want my existence to be erased from this failure of a timeline. I never loved you. You meant nothing to me. GA: Rose TT: My departure will be a curse upon you unless you forget. Whether by magic or by will, you must forget me. All those memories I made with you meant nothing. I did those things only to ensure my own survival. Your presence was happenstance at best. TT: Now that I’m heading out on my own, our destinies are uncoupled. Whatever happens to you is beneath me. I am taking the path to victory, and you can all squander the rest of your miserable lives here. TT: I won’t come back for you. I gave you all the chances I had. This is your fault. GA: Rose Please Dont Do This TT: You won’t see me again. I’m getting on that satellite and I’m not looking back. Even if I am to die, alone on a satellite, it will be a Heroic death as the only one with any sense not to continue a cursed existence on this fucking rock. TT: I will live with only a spectre of guilt that I didn’t forcibly coerce you onto the satellite with me, chastising myself for respecting your wishes and letting you choose your own demise. TT: That is all. Goodbye.

tacitTherapist [TT] stopped trolling grimAuxiliary [GA].

True to her word, Rose closed her laptop and walked briskly to the edge of the floating laboratory to wait for the satellite to pass by. Sheer anger coursed through her veins, hoping that would mask her true intent. She had never displayed that kind of fury before, let alone to Kanaya. If she played her cards right, Kanaya might still join her, moved by the pure strength of her conviction. But there was no hesitant hand on her shoulder, begging her to stay or to join her. There was no last-second plea, no ‘Rose Wait’, and not even a footstep in her general direction as she waited.

Resigned, she boarded the satellite, breaking her word and casting a desperate glance back as the satellite continued its course away. Through the tiny window, she could see Kanaya simply looking down at her grubtop, her face stained jade. Regret swelled, and for just a second, she could feel herself begin to open the hatch and jump back towards the meteor. But the second passed, and soon she was out of range to give even a cursory wave goodbye.

The same tears begin to stream down her face as she closes the pesterlog and wraps her sheets tighter around her shoulders. She can’t keep putting off her meeting with Cetus forever... but she still doesn’t know how she’ll reckon with the shadow of her failed ploy.

#pesterlogs #long post #((by god this was brutal to write))

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loftyexecutor · 7 years ago

Text

jejune

pairing; addelsain [MPIMHE] wc; 3268 rating; t/nsfw [theres one dick touch at the beginning] category; emotional hurt/comfort notes; i havent posted anything in ages and im sorry jfdsgkjd this is self indulgent af but have dox feeling unloved✌✌

Dox turns over, letting out a small noise as he emerges back in the waking world. The blanket is warm where it is bunched by his feet, but Immortal’s chest is warmer where he nuzzles his head into the redhead’s sleeping shirt. He can tell the other is awake by the tiny snort he hears above.

“Good morning,” he mutters, voice raspy from sleep. He scoots a bit up to plant a kiss Immortal’s lips, unheeding of morning breath.

“Mm, morning,” is Immortal’s sluggish reply as he burrows his cheek into the pillow.

The side behind Dox is cold, meaning Herrsh is already up and about, but he’s more interested in his other, currently present partner at the moment. Especially when he can feel a certain body part poking his thigh.

Dox’s lips quirk up into a grin and he slips a hand between them, scooting down Immortal’s body, down his taut stomach and into the waistband of his shorts to curl around his half-hard cock. His hand is barely big enough to wrap around the girth and it somehow manages to send a spark through him.

“Someone’s eager early,” he laughs not unkindly, but Immortal’s hand wraps around his wrist and pulls his hand out of his shorts. Dox quirks his head in confusion; after all, Infi — Immortal — has never been one to decline such an offer before, especially one this bold.

“Gotta go shower,” Immortal grumbles, moving away to get up and head to the bathroom without even a look back.

Dox is left alone on the suddenly too-big-for-him bed, looking at the closed bathroom door with a mixture of confusion and hurt swirling deep in his belly.

Had he done something wrong? Overstepped some invisible boundary he hadn’t known was there? Is Immortal angry at him?

He finds no answer to any of the questions running through his mind, so he does his best to push them away and make sure he’s more careful next time.

The next manages to — somehow? he’s not sure here — go even worse. He returns from Echo’s place with a lollipop she’d given him (they’d gotten that close over the years) stuck between his lips, humming a tune. His spirits were high, and then he found his lovers making out in the kitchen.

Not that that was a bad thing, of course not, but when they’d taken notice of him standing there, watching them with rapt attention, Immortal had pulled away and, red faced as he was, chuckled and said, “I guess that’s enough, haha.”

Dox had watched him retreat into the bedroom; neither his nor Herrscher’s arousal had been very discreet. Dox didn’t dare ask this time, just biting through his lollipop and chewing at the shards as he left Herrscher to go after Immortal.

He can’t even count the days they haven’t had sex. Well, he can, but he’s not going to hurt himself that way.

What he can count, though, is the number of days he hadn’t been kissed. Well, again, not quite correct, but he can very easily count the number of days he hadn’t been kissed on the lips. The others just… stopped doing it.

If he’s lucky, Immortal would kiss his cheek, or Herrscher would lean down and kiss his forehead, but that’s all he’d get. Even asking for a kiss would yield the very same results, so he doesn’t bother anymore.

He fills the void in his chest with chocolate, with helping Echo, with shopping for parts he doesn’t need, with missions he’s not needed on, with trying to find the thing he’d done wrong. He can’t find it, and it only drives it further home.

He wants to be held, wants the cold seeping into his bones to go away, but some masochistic part of him forces him to stay in bed, curled up and shivering. He wouldn’t be given what he wants anyway.

Dox stands in the doorway, holding on to the frame for a second as he watches his lovers lean on each other, completely engrossed in their conversation. He itches to cross the few meters separating them and sprawl across the sofa with them, but he forces that itch down.

It's not his place anymore, he knows. So he retreats upstairs, too silent in the already silent building.

The bed — his bed, the small one in his room, not their shared one — becomes a sanctuary to him. The blanket is warm around him and the pillow doesn't ask why he stays there so much, why he curls up and twists the blanket between his feet. His old room is as messy as his life feels, with unfinished blueprints strewn about the table, El shards piling up between them and rolled in the corners where they'd fallen and he didn't bother picking them up.

His suit sits on a mannequin propped in its own corner, as if taunting him. He'd tried to prevent this, he really had.

But no matter how differently he'd talked or if he'd even withdrawn from affection himself, Herrsh and Immo had always ended up slowly disliking him. He supposes it was bound to happen eventually; they'd lose interest in him sooner or later. No one could stand him if they learned all he'd done.

He'd thought he had come to terms with it.

Unfortunately, he hadn't, as it would seem.

The door opens with a creak he'd gotten used to at this old place and he panics for some reason, squeezing his eyes closed and stilling his body in hopes of appearing asleep. Maybe they'd finally come to the conclusion that they didn't like him anymore?

Who is it? Dox strains his ears and concludes it's Immortal from the way his steps come up to the bed, loud and bold, yet he's trying not to make noise and 'wake' him up.

The gesture makes Dox's heart beat faster.

There's a few moments where Immortal just stands over him in silence and Dox hopes to Ishmael and any other gods that his fake sleeping is convincing enough to fool the other. It seems it is, because Immortal sighs and twists on his heel, leaving the room just as quickly as he'd entered.

Dox's shoulders slump, body he didn't even know had been strung like a bow relaxing, almost melting into the covers.

If he can get a few hours more to pretend they still love him before they take it away from him, he'll take it. Faking sleep had never been all that hard anyway. But now that Immortal had left without a single word or action, Dox feels like he'd been robbed of all the energy he'd had.

He wishes he could have either of their arms around himself now — because wishing for both would be way too much when he can't have either. He wishes he could feel lips against his own, robbing him of breath and making him feel light headed. He wishes for ever curious fingers making him feel like he's interesting, like he's worth it.

Bile forces its way up his throat and he desperately swallows it down around the lump lodged there. The corners of his eyes sting no matter how hard he forces them shut, even when there's colors dancing across the darkness.

He feels pathetic for crying over something so obvious, something he'd expected, but the tears are there nonetheless, rolling down his cheeks and staining the pillow with both normal and dark drops.

Ugly sobs tear from his lips, and through them, he doesn't even hear the door opening again. He's startled by a hand placed on his shoulder, shaking him softly.

Through blurry eyes he can see Immortal kneeling next to the bed, but not much else. His voice is soft and quiet, as if he's placating a scared animal. Honestly, is Dox anything else? "Dox, what's wrong? C'mon, talk to me, what happened?"

Dox's heart pangs at the thought that Immortal feels like he has to calm him. He raises a hand up to his face, furiously wiping the tears away, though the results are dubious.

"I'm fine," he says, pushing himself upright.

"That is such bullshit," Immortal scoffs, reaching out to brush a thumb over Dox's cheek, "Half your face is black!"

Dox chuckles, pushing Immortal's hand away with one of his. "Sorry."

"What're you apologizing for?! For El's sake, Dox, what happened?"

Dox flinches away as Immortal raises his voice, almost unconsciously. Immortal's expression drops at that and he grits his teeth, angry at himself for letting himself go like that. Dox doesn't like shouting, he really, really doesn't.

Dox contemplates going back and saying something else, something that wouldn't make Immortal angry, but then he thinks back to the failed attempts of not reaching this conclusion and decides against it. He would just mess up in a different way, probably.

"You don't have to pretend to care about me anymore," he says, looking down at the bunched blanket between them, hanging halfway off the bed. It's suddenly so interesting, the way the thin purple lines bunch and move over and under the folds. "I already figured out that you were just waiting for the right time to tell me."

Immortal stares at him in silence for long minutes, fiery gaze burning right through Dox. Then, he stands up, and Dox thinks this is it, he's gonna turn around and leave. But he doesn't.

"How did you get to that conclusion?" Immortal asks, his voice steady even though inside he feels nothing but steady. He wants to cry and scream and hold Dox close until he stops thinking such stupid things.

"You don't like touching me anymore. I guess you thought you were sneaky, but it was pretty obvious you didn't want to have sex with me anymore." Dox laughs, eyes looking through the sheets, somewhere far away. It's easier to talk about when he's making fun of it. "And then you stopped kissing me, and I just wasn't… Well, you've made it kinda obvious once I looked at the whole picture! I was actually surprised when you touched my cheek just now, haha!"

Tears prick the corners of his eyes but he refuses to let them fall this time. At least not before Immortal leaves.

"Dox…" Immortal breathes out, as if beyond words. And he is; does his lover think they don't... love him anymore? "Dox, listen to me, I love you— we love you! We never stopped, and we never will!"

Immortal's knees hit the mattress on either side of Dox and he leans down to wrap long arms around Dox's small form. The time traveler simply slumps in the hold, tears rolling down his cheeks once more, despite how hard he'd tried to stop them. He laughs shakily. "What are you doing?"

"Dox, I'm sorry," Immortal mutters into his ear, close enough to do that, "I didn't think you'd... think something like that. I love you, I truly do."

Dox sniffs, a gross sound that should've deterred anyone, but Herrscher enters the room instead, taking in their tangled state. "Why don't you like being with me anymore then?"

"That's not it, Dox! It's just that you l—"

"Herrsh? Could I get a kiss?" Dox asks, cutting him off with a another sniffle. Herrscher looks at Immortal first, slowly puzzling it out in his mind, and then he leans down and presses his lips to Dox's forehead for a split moment.

Herrscher only ever does what Immortal does. Dox fights more tears, though his voice is wavering.

"See? That— that wasn't a romantic kiss… That was a 'will you leave me alone if I do this?' kiss," he mumbles.

Herrscher looks at Immortal, brows furrowing. "It was?"

"No!" Immortal huffs, placing both hands on to Dox's shoulders. "Listen to me for a sec?"

Dox's face looks ten shades of pain at that moment, eyes watery with the unshed tears, and Immortal feels like punching a wall right then. Maybe later.

"We," he says, slowly, to make his point even clearer, "love. you. Shit, Dox, I didn't think you were… Let me explain, it's not that we don't wanna touch you and kiss you, it's just— it's weird!"

"Weird?"

"You're a kid! I'm not gonna fuck a kid! I'm not gonna shove my tongue into a kid's mouth!" Immortal huffs, making a disgusted face, even holding out his tongue.

"I'm not a kid," Dox says, "I'm like five years older than you."

Immortal immediately looks offended, "You're not!" he cries, "You're like three and a half older at most. But still, you look like a kid and it just… feels weird, y'know."

"So you don't love me as much when I look like this?" Dox asks, trying to puzzle this whole thing out. He feels dumb, like he'd just been presented with a machine and told to reassemble it and he has no idea how.

"No! Where do you keep coming up with these dumb ideas! I swear, it's like you're not a genius at all," Immortal grumbles, rolling his eyes.

Herrscher has made himself comfortable on the bed by then, wrapping his arms around Dox from behind and pulling the boy against his chest.

Immortal continues, bouncing on his knees just the tiniest bit. "It's not more or less love, it's just kind of different love? Like, what I just said. I don't... wanna fuck you in this form, but it does make me wanna carry you around and hug you more, y'know?"

"Nuh-uh," Dox shakes his head, brows furrowed.

"See, like that! That just makes me wanna squeeze you. You're very squeezable in this form, by the way."

This finally gets a chuckle out of the time traveler. "Thanks."

Immortal's smile falls into a serious expression again. He brushes the curly strands from Dox's face, thumb rubbing soft, small lines into his cheek. "Dox. We love you. Really, we do. And by Ishmael if you need us to show you then we will, won't we, Herrsh?"

Herrscher makes a non-committal, but vaguely affirmative hum, throat vibrating against Dox's shoulder.

"So I can get a kiss if I switch forms?" Dox asks, swallowing. A ball of… — what, shame? self hate? insecurity? — had lodged itself deep in his stomach, weighing him down and making his gut twist painfully. It almost feels like he wants to puke. It's honestly surprising that his voice doesn't break more than it does. "A— a proper one?"

Immortal looks wrecked as the words leave Dox's dry lips, eyes shouting a vehement 'goddess, sorry!' He looks guilty. "As many as you want, Dox, I swear, I…"

Pink light floods the room and Immortal is a little glad for the timing, unsure where his ramble had been heading. Dox's tiny frame faded with the light, a bigger one left in its place, lithe limbs tucked uncomfortably between them and long strands of hair falling limbly in his face as he hangs his head. For whatever reason Immortal can't figure out, Dox is trying to make himself appear smaller, shoulders tensed and back bent.

He's shivering between them, just like a leaf.

Immortal's heart breaks at the sight; what did Dox think would happen now? That they would tell him they didn't want him in his true form either? What a joke.

Except he knows that's right, and the knowledge makes him want to cry. They'd really screwed up. Or, more accurately, he had. Because Herrscher used him as a guide, wasn't sure about feelings or human emotions or anything, so anything he did was right in the celestial's book. Sometimes that knowledge was off-putting.

He raised a shaky hand to Dox's cheek again, hooking a finger under his chin to gently tilt his head up. Dox's face is a mess and he refuses to look Immortal in the eyes.

Immortal rubs under his eye with a thumb, over the very prominent dark circles he wishes weren't there. "Can I kiss you?" he asks, watching Dox's eyebrows do a dance under his bangs, unsure what position to land in.

All he manages is a small nod.

Immortal leans in, only hesitating a split second mere hair breadths away from Dox, and presses his lips to Dox's in a soft, tender kiss. He can almost taste the whimper that leaves Dox's throat, dying somewhere on his tongue. The kiss itself tastes of salt, dried tears clinging to Dox's lips; Immortal wishes they hadn't been there in the first place.

Dox's arms come up to grip at his shirt, fingers trembling and knuckles turning white from the force with which he fists the fabric. He clutches at Immortal like he's a last lifeline before the doom of an endless sea.

Herrscher holds him close in turn, peppering kisses along the scar peeking from beneath his long hair. He can feel the way Dox's heart pounds like a hummingbird trying to escape a cage.

The scene feels a bit more than a little bizarre, but none of them mind at the moment. Dox sniffles and rests his head against Immortal's collarbone. He doesn't say anything, doesn't trust his voice not to betray him.

"Hey," Herrscher breaks the silence, squeezing Dox's torso the tiniest amount. "We love you, you know."

"I'm sorry," Dox mutters into Immortal's shirt. He trembles between them.

"Why're you sorry? It's okay, c'mon."

There's a beat of silence and then Dox shoves his face into his hands, Immortal's shirt and all. "Sorry. I'm sorry."

Herrscher opens his mouth, brows drawn together in confusion, but Immortal shakes his head. "You're forgiven," he says softly, running a hand through Dox's hair, carding it through the silky locks. He doesn't know what Dox is apologizing for, but obviously it means a lot to him. "It's okay now, I promise."

Herrscher gently guides Dox's chin to the side so he can also kiss him. "Love you," he says, pressing his cheek to Dox’s.

Dox reaches to Immortal, tugging on his shirt a little as if to bring him closer, but it’s nowhere near strong enough to do that. It’s the first such thing he’d done all day. He looks at Immortal like a kicked puppy, cheeks red and puffy from all the crying. “Hold me?” he asks — begs — and something within Immortal breaks. “Please…?” Dox whispers, looking ready to cry again when Immortal doesn’t move for a second too long.

He makes up for it by flinging himself forward, encasing Dox in his arms, smushing Herrscher’s between himself and Dox. The time traveler hiccups a sob between them, but they just hold him closer, a messy and wet sandwich of misery and love.

Immortal’s mind races as Dox slowly calms down, slumped in their hold and ready to pass out at any second. He wants to make it up to him; Dox deserves at least that much. He hadn’t even realized his behavior would make him feel like this, the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind with how much he adores his lover, but that doesn’t mean it hadn’t.

He can already tell Dox is not going to want to change from this form for a while at least. Usually, even unconsciously, he’d shift into the smaller form when going to bed, but right now he’s exactly as solidly big and lanky as ever. Immortal feels sick when the realization dawns on him that they might’ve tainted the form Dox had used to feel better in with bad emotions.

He’ll make it up to him. He’s not sure how, but damned be Elrios if he doesn’t.

#elsword #addelsain #.elsword #.addelsain #.hurtcomfort #.3K #.personal fave #im tired im going to bed now

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