#is this candy or meat roxy i dont remember

[starrynight-edits]

Full Sheets of HS2 Roxy F2U

Got bored and decided to finish some of my older projects i was working on so heres a full set of hs2 roxy sprites glasses and no glasses. The link above leads to a google drive folder with the rest of the sprites seperated for ease of access! (plus better quality versions of the full sheets :D)

[weirdmageddon]

since hes open to feedback im considering talking to james roach about giving jade the justice she deserves after her narrative shafting in act 6 and one-dimensional ooc-ness (and also being a plot device deprived of agency) in the epilogues. if i do im probably going to link to this post……

so james if i sent this to you and you’re reading this, hi! :)

you say, “i want you to know if youre having problems with the story you can come to me with it and i will hear you out”. first of all you are such a good dude and have such a good open honest approach to the fans. i need to get that out there, because i know you’re just as much a fan of these characters and world are we are. secondly, i don’t know what your plans for homestuck beyond canon are, but dave and jade’s poor handling is a problem in both homestuck canon (act 6, even act 5 fucking them over with “tell, don’t show”; see the latter half of section 1 of the post at > Dave: Deploy cloning apparatus. and section 2) and post-canon that has yet to be addressed.

i understand the nuances of making things flow in a story; things that have already been established can’t be simply retconned. i wrote this post knowing that in mind and hopefully working around that into believably timed and justified/needed arcs gives it more potential

jade is a character i care about so much, and many fans also. her dynamic with dave was one of my favorites but the resolution to their separation…is not even really a resolution. it’s hard to talk about one without the other since theyve always been narratively intertwined. or at least jade has

remember how they musically collaborated more than the other kids? (crystalanthemums is their surprisingly tender song dont forget. i saw that the weird troll grub versions of objects make a comeback in the upd8; make music a relevant part of homestuck in-universe again too </3) dave sending her sbahj furry poster in the mail? the first ones to use a collaborative fraymotif in the comic? kringlefucker and conksuck boot? literally collaborating on creating the right seed for the new universe? and then dave died in jade’s arms and they were separated for 3 years and then that never gets touched on because of the retcon and all the other endgame shit going on (and lets be real grimbark jade from before the retcon wasn’t a satisfying reunion either). we get like, a brief exchange of dialogue at the very very end that made you want to see MORE of them after the battle but it. doesnt happen.

and then in the epilogues jade gets warped into this oddly hypersexual ooc one-dimensional character meant to narratively get in the way of davekat and it’s so awkward and uncomfortable for them. and even THEN in meat timeline gets her agency revoked by the narrative with alt calliope. and in candy dave realizes he’s gay (i thought he was explicitly bi? didnt he call jane hot multiple times both pre-and post-retcon, and once call roxy a “choice babe” in pajamas before he knew it was his ectomom?? if you’re actually gay and in denial why would you have these subconscious freudian blunders). and being married to jade gnaws at him because of it which is. unsatisfying i guess and isn’t consistent with dave’s established sexuality…and then he dies leaving his probably concerned wife and becomes a robot. even if the “point” is that the epilogues are metanarrative commentary about storytelling and candy represents the kind of fanfic that goes off the rails with fanservice it doesn’t feel good when i still care about these characters and their established canons. and a lot of people are in the same camp as me regarding this. it’s still an uncomfortable resolution for their relationship

i really want to see jade’s arc overcoming being used as a puppet by the narrative and the space aspect. just some things to think about / consider that have been running through my head: she’s a witch, right? isn’t what she’s supposed to do is actively bend the rules of her aspect? feferi bended the rules of life by asking the horrorterrors to create dream bubbles so the deceased could still sort of “live” which had a massive narrative impact. who exactly determines that being spacebound means you are fated to be passive and alone? the author? alt calliope? how do we know alt calliope can be trusted or if she’s just projecting her experiences as the most passive class possible onto jade, who ironically has an active manipulation class but is forced to be passive for some reason? normal calliope wasn’t right about everything classpect-related either.

ultimately these things are up to you. you’re still the director of course. but i’m speaking to you, as equally caring of these characters as you and everyone on the team, as a hypothetical suggestion or just something to consider for a jade arc: i think it would do such good to jade and the comic as a whole to see her speak to the manager and recognize the power she has and take back the reigns over her own life and dignity. jade is MAD that she had her own possibilities for socialization and agency taken away from her. and with floralmarsupial, my beloved mutual floral who i went to homestuck high together with, i KNOW the potential they possess to write a compelling arc for jade harley. i think everyone knows too lol floral is THE compelling deep jade harley fanwork big name fan. i dont know what we got to lose. with you guys in charge now, and with the last we see of jade in hs^2 (now hs:bc) fighting callie’s influence and advocating for her own agency, really the only way to go from here for jade is up. (assuming she doesn’t permadie of peanut but i doubt that’s going to happen since she’s one of the original kids and it wouldn’t be satisfying storytelling. and it’s homestuck)

this statement so ripe with potential to me ^ and we’re left on a cliffhanger with jade going in this direction

i want jade and dave to be close friends who care about each other a lot and do silly stuff together again. this isn’t even a call to make davejade canon; it doesnt have to be romantic—i dont want a davekat davejade war to break out, you know? i know you’re trying to balance fan demands. but i just loved their dynamic a lot and i MISS it so much, homestuck act 6 didnt give us this and i wish their reunion had more that went into it. we’re past that point though

i want jade and dave to have a talk that’s like old times. something that isn’t awkward as hell or about sexual relations or drama or whos fucking who. just something for the two of them. something that grounds them in what made homestuck so compelling in the first place: character and friendships and these kind of interactions

i want to see them collaborate again. an idea i have is maybe they start a band or something since they’re both musically talented and also live together so they can make stuff together in person now. you’re a music guy you get it. tangle buddies. jam buddies

and maybe something more serious that concerns just the two of them. post-retcon dave never talked to jade about his thoughts when they fought bec noir right? knowing that jade would inevitably kill him with bullets through bec, but he couldnt warn her because he knows she wouldn’t go through with it, creating a doomed timeline? so jade thought all that time she killed him by accident…..what about all that guilt she must harbor? the first person she had in-person contact with since she was probably four years old, her best friend online, and accidentally killed him within just a few hours of meeting him? and never got to talk about it with him, let alone anyone, after three years? hello?? :(

these are the final lines of the last pesterlog between jade and dave before their 3-year separation (and basically all of act 6)

so uh…..this exchange really openly invites some kind of talk to take place even if it’s long overdue. among other things maybe. they need to hug or something. jade’s touch starvation is real, but not everything needs to be sexualized about touch. she’s lonely and starved of affection but i feel like it would be more meaningful if it wasn’t sexualized. just really basic platonic primal cloth mother needs. just like..both being human beings and having basic needs like this that jade’s been deprived of. who’s the person she would feel most comfortable going to? who does she have the richest history with throughout the webcomic? dave, right? her online best friend since childhood that always cared a lot about her? they have stuff to talk about

i feel like that would address the issue people had with jade’s out of left-field promiscuity in the epilogues and even leftovers of it in hs^2. not only do i think primal platonic touch starvation would be a more meaningful and evocative type of interaction to give them at some point, it wouldn’t rock the boat or create any ship drama (davekat has long since sailed and most people seem to be on board with it) and it would probably be really positive representation of these sorts of things which not only throws a bone to aroace people but just depicting this sort of thing normalizes the fact that two people can be close and not necessarily in an official relationship.

this is a good transition point to this post also which is basically an extension to this one. it’s exactly the issues i had. it’s on the nature of what they had going and how much they mean to each other but how the storytelling held them back when it was unnecessary

this breaks my heart. mr. roach and hs:bc writing team please i miss my favorite blorbo duo being happy in each other’s company. they were such good friends but circumstances pulled them apart. i miss when they created music together and talked about their interests and exchanged quips. i am such a well of ideas for stuff like this. show us how much they mean to each other again

if youre still reading this james thanks for hearing me out. if you wanna pass on to the writing team to look at and get their feedback on this i’d be so so thankful

“and to think that after all this he still chose to save her, like always, probably knowing he had little to no chance, just because he cares for her, her life and who she is beyond this moment, really meant a lot for them. i really, really was mad that this would be the last time they would truly ever be together in a way that to me mattered” — vintagegamebro

[harley-style]

Reading the Homestuck Epilogues 3 (parts 21-30)

Hey guys I'm back on my bullshit! Here's hoping it goes well lol but we all know that's just a pipe dream.

Anyway, here's the previous part!!

Now onto the chaos!

A coffin is still fukcing heavy and you're telling me Jake and John ALONE can carry the fucking thing? omg.

I feel like Roxy is not treating this funeral the rightul respect and somberness it deserves, but is it just me or...?

Aradia and Sollux! and they really don't give a shit about most things dont they. Aradia only came here for the corpse party and honestly, slay

I get heart palpitations when Dave calls Jade babe. also poor karkat he's at the back. noooo

Wait. Is teen dead jade from fucking MEAT??? or is she the one from. uh. the caliborn narrative takeover thing. listen its been a while since i read the later homestuck ok i barely remember what happened in act 6

LOL YES AWKWARD ROSE RIGHTS

Jane. Jane you fucking moron.

Karkat literally do not rise to the bait I am begging

"sometimes i wonder what it'd be like if he was still here" FAMOUS LAST WORDS

SO IT IS MEAT JADE

MOTHERFUCK

please god just let john and terezi be together their dynamic is SO GOOD

oh they're 26 now awesome

OH NO JANE WHAT THE FUCK

okay i know it's bad to blame everything on jane but I HAVE A FEELING SHE'S INVOLVED

WHAT OKAY WHAT THE FUCK

POPULATION CONTROL IS ONE THING BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT ABOUT NOT ALLOWING TROLLS TO ADVANCE POSITIONS THAT"S BULLSHIT

oh? OH???? RESISTANCE POG????

okay fuck everyone else rebellion leader karkat is my bitch now

why is eridan fuschia is this a typeset error

john you're a moron (affectionate)

:((( what happened to "not taking your shit" roxy :((((

Save Tavros From Evil

yknow what i hate about candy davejade rn is that they keep everything buried and pretend everything's fine. like jade baby at least push dave or pester rose about what's wrong with dave like....?? idk! but not this!!!

okay. what the actual shit jane. yknow what? you're a bitch! you're a full on bitch and i hope you get what's coming to you. what the FUCK am i hearing from you? that is NOT how you treat your friends/datemates!

fuck you guys im reading a bunch of aus to cope wit this mess of an epilogue

okay i love and support whatever john's trying to do but this plan is. not the best.

I just skipped over an entire conversation because i cannot deal with that rn. someone tell me what happened during the time john tries convincing tavros to leave the crocker household

WOW OMINOUS

johnrezi/junerezi rights :((((

:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

KARKAT!!!!!!!!!!

Huh. That's a less brutal capital punishment than I was expecting. Still horrifying! but I expected more blood. which was kinda dumb of me lol.

REMEMBER WHEN KARKAT USED OT BE SO EMBARRASSED BY BUCKETS??? MY BOY HAS GROWN

Kanaya Is Right Karkat Call Dave That Bitch Is Dumb Enough To Run To Your Side The Instant You Ask For Him

But Bat Your Pretty Eye For Extra Simping

MEENAH

let's kick it karkat lets goooo

NO THE FISH PUNS ARE COOL

That is a whole ass page of words sir

John :(

"epilogue six" what the fuck does this mean

these kids are thirteen w h a t

ARE KARKAT AND MEENAH TOGETHER????

okay aradia has a point its extremely ironic for karkat to reach the peak of his heroism in a world that objectively *does not fucking matter* and the "meaty" timeline where everything "DOES" matter is where he's... well, we all know.

oh no,,,,the davejade wedding,,,,this hurts.

THIS HURTS DAVE IS STILL LOOKING FOR KARKAT

okay everyone seems to be like, convinced meenah and karkat are a thing but are they REALLY? karkat hasn't come out and said anything specifically.

HE RIPPED HER PHOTO NOOOOOO

lock industry?????

Vriska's back everybody say hello

"is it the prince" IM SORRY WHAT

when WHO falls???

jake what the fuck happened to you. oh my god you don't deserve this. leave her. leave jane's stank ass.

ah. i remember karkat talking about how he wasn't to blame for mr. crocker dying, in hs2. guys id apologize for spoiling myself like this but i think you'd understand: this post-canon thing is pain. everything hurts. if i want spoilers im getting spoilers.

GUYS. NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU DIDNT BUTT YOUR STUPID GODLY SELVES INTO THE MIX. THE FUCK ARE YOU BLAMING THE TROLLS FOR. JANE.

oh boy.

WELP THAT'S PART THREE FOLKS. WOW I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS I WISH TO UNFEEL. THE BLOOD OF MY DREAMS HAVE BEEN SACRIFICED TO THE GODS OF PARADOX SPACE AND NEVER AGAIN SHALL I SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.

[yoitscro]

First thought: Homestuck^2 should've just been called Beyond Canon, and more people should call it that. 

The 2 was put on for chuckles; HS trending the day it was announced with it being a sequel spoke enough about how such a thing shant be underestimated, and why Homestuck is ABSOLUTELY more than just our small twitter crowd (and the scrap of us still on tumblr). I say that because remembering the Beyond Canon part slightly reassures me about the fact that this is a fanwork that will do some weird shit, and things I don't agree with, but isn't something that I have to subscribe to enjoying all the way with how I engage with Homestuck.

Homestuck 2 is not the canon continuation. Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon, is an OFFICIAL continuation.

Not having it on such an important stool and as the only content we all are only allowed to digest should come from both people who obsessively dislike it, and people who defensively support it. If a character says they kick babies then I can say, hey that's weird, maybe not great writing, but I can pretend they don't in my content, and i dont have to send threats or call people cishet white men for it! and, it's an absolutely great thing that we were all encouraged to create our own ideas without anyone who's influenced us to do so squinting their eyes when we actually go through with it. Glad I don't have to put this story up to the expectations of being a sequel to a 11 year, worldwide IP that's shooketh the internet landscape since it's merely optional, Death of the Author persists, and ideas aren't just dominated and revolved around the perspective of a 1% in this entire fanbase.

That said.

As an OFFICIAL continuation versus a canon one, HS2 is ok. It certainly has that fanfiction vibe, and a story it wants to tell. I can't really tell what that story is since we have like, 10 sub plots rn though. There's not a real a clear indicator on where the focus of main conflict is that connects all these stories together.

I thought that the prose in replacement of Vriska's battle was jarring, but not teeerribly surprising for the format HS2 is going for. It's more so using drawings to compliment text versus Homestuck's usual of panels being side by side with visual importance, or even itself being the one compliment. It sorta feels weird tho that it brought old fans back in with art just for them to get sneered at when they get a bit upset that there won't be main staples of art known to progress the story forward. 

Also people who mock people for “having to read homestuck” knowing there’s language barriers and struggling focus from those who’ve been use to something that was never so dense, are ridiculous.

Personally this could be solved by knowing how old flashes worked, having way more artists on the team, maybe even an art director if not already, and noting that we're not asking for the next Cascade. Rome wasn't built in a day, but Rose Ride sure was, and Homestuck’s animation is absolutely not the same as a 12-24 framed 12 minute cartoon. That, or just snuff the illustrative art as a whole since it's very clear on where the focus is.

I’m sure you’re not here trying to see my opinions on how the outer workings are though, versus plot.

Uuuuh, let's see. Yiffy's still a name I don't care to use until I eventually get tired of any of my art that do not show up in tags. This is fine and not as offensive as people are saying it is. Minors who want to cosplay this character don't have to call themselves this character. Not wanting to be one letter away from accidentally entering a very NSFW space of twitter is fine. Also the lot of people call Tavros, Tavvy.

I hope Kanaya's anger at being cucked is actually seen versus being implied through fan guesses and another character having to say she was.

Roxy needs to be more of an involved character. Where are they during all this?

Jane should have a mention of her relations to HIC being a main/bad influence on her current parallels to Alternian dictatorship.

The PRE-RETCON GROUP should have a fun one-shot update for fans who like them, since they oughta be around if they fell through the ghost hole. Most of them. The sprites that aren't Jasprosesprite should also show up too, since they're around.

Aaaaaand I think we should be extra careful going into the future when it comes to the alien rebellion. It's weird that a lot of the writers are white and toy around with concepts that can be a not so great parallel to racism. Currently not great timing rn! If the characters are going to remain aracial, but with them still doing not much to reference other non-white earth cultures or getting new hair cuts that have different textures (looking at you, Rose), we shant make the species with actual biological benefits a racism commentary. the xeno joke at least had a play on words. If any writer has happened upon this then a, please don't get mad at me again haha, and b, consider having more black writers or directional assistance on your squad. You know who they are.

In the future. I casually want the ghost from the Dream Bubbles to be shown since it's a big elephant in the room to not have a single one of them in the bg despite a load of them appearing from the ghost whole. Don't gotta give them speaking lines, especially the dancestors. I personally don't know if I want that right now.

I also hope in the future that we don't get HS content that is only going to revolve around HS2, if it's optional enough to engage with without being the only option. That's why PQ could ended a bit better for me, and why I hope it's not the main thing that's keeping Hiveswap on the backburner. I don't think it's farfetched to consider that multiple HS content could come from more than just one team; to relieve work load, but to also strengthen the idea that Homestuck can be a various amount of perspectives when it comes to the ideas fans have. The most dedicated fans leading the direction of the story is not just a handful of them. If anything, at least acknowledge the massive ass fan projects going on once in awhile to showcase the different avenues.

"Hey Cro, you sure have bitched about this alot. Do you have anything good to say? Why don't you stop reading if you hate it so much!"

Not every comment needs to be golden, love. Again, some of these decisions I eck at, but ultimately they're just words on a computer that I'm not holding anyone at gun point to do, and I'm curious to see how the story handles itself going forward, since again, it's just a fanwork. Sometimes I wish to not only see where the plot goes, but to see a writer's craft in action.

Good Things:

The Art. Again, please have more artists. It'd help so much, especially since the main one is also double timing for VE. That said, HS2 sticks out to me because of the way the color composition is used. Aside from hair and other tiny things, I haven't seen black used a lot, which makes colors pop. It's really nice to look at. I hope we get more sharper styles of character in the future, since it builds on nostalgia and makes the trolls feel much less like they're from Repiton, but I can deal with it for the most part. I also like that one panel where the omega kids and vriska are talking in the dark room, and based on where they're standing, the text aligns. Tasty as hell.

Meat and Candy still do hold neat logic in the direction the stories go. Candy, while it could be more tasteless in some areas, is chaotic and too much of a good thing. Meat is having something a little more straightforward, though I'm not sure quite yet where it's going. I always found Candy to be the part of the epilogue that actually entertained me the most, from how much of a surreal Robot Chicken skit at 3am it felt. Sometimes the jokes slapped real nice and made me wonder, going in, how is this monkeys paw gonna play out and, hopefully, make people laugh or smirk like they got a good roast at themself?

The slightly episodic feel of each update is what I wanted from the Epilogues, so it's interesting to see that play out when it comes to switching different perspectives.

The bonus updates get points for featuring characters that a lot of us have been wanting to see for ages.

Hopefully this isn't unpopular, but I think the tension of Yiffy's introduction was nicely composed and written (ignoring some of the things I wish for Jane). It leaves you with enough want to see what'll happen next time. You could also say that despite her growling and making a lot of noise, it's not actually bad writing: I see it as the audience being forced to see her in the same perspective that Jane see's her; a dog. Upon no context we're seeing the same thing while knowing things are obviously off, and once we see this character in a new environment where their personality shines, it'll have a bigger impact her own character being humanized. So I like that.

Okay, I think that's all I got. I improv wrote most of this; hopefully I won't be taken out of context since I don’t think that HS2′s writing should ultimately be a judgement of the writers as people, nor treated as if they should hold the same unhealthy work environment that Andrew forced himself to do when writing the og comic. And I'm still like, donating to the patreon and everything, lol.

[runs away]

edit: i was going to put the cw as another positive thing for the comic...but...yeaaaah.

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 9 - Candy Part 1

Okay:

(Why the fuck does that stretch to the entire column, that’s obnoxious. I’m leaving it though. EDIT: Fixed.)

So, yeah.  As you may have gathered from my previous post, I just finished Meat!  And whatever I think of Candy is inevitably going to be littered with Meat spoilers, so watch out.

Anyway. ABOUT meat. Before I start...

....FUCK.

I’m not going to THINK about what the end of that even was.  What this “other place”, this other story is they might have gone to.  Whether those versions of the others will chase them there, or make it there, or pull them back, or what or even WHERE that last bit at the end was with that Jade thing and the weird powers and if they even ended up in the same place that Dirk was trying to go and how there wasn’t even the deserved comeuppance for all the hurt done and never will be.  People will probably write theories about it that plausibly explain it all.  I might even read them!!!  In a few weeks, maybe.  Or years.  Or never, perhaps. The fucking STATE some of them were left in without resolution or happiness was SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP.  And, Jade.  Jesus Christ, ALL JADES.  Every Jade has a unique way of pounding my stomach to gore.

For now there’s only Candy.  Candy, and this disgusting, cheap Bud Light on the desk next to me.

I’m probably only going to get a few pages in tonight.  I checked the Log to see if there was more in the Meat ending, and I see that the Candy side of things has 41 pages, which gives me some serious hope that this could clear my palate a little.  But I’m not SUPER hopeful.  I’ll enjoy it, but I’m wondering if this twisting in my gut whenever I see or hear anything about Homestuck canon or music is ever going to go away.

Clicking now.  ==>

Candy, Epilogue One.

I’m getting the sense that-- yeah, alt!Callie all but admitted that she’d planted those dreams in John’s mind so that he’d feel the need to DO something, so that he’d close the loop and -- not only defeat English, but -- get close enough to help her solve any problems that the new Gods of Earth C’s universe/reality/whatever-the-fuck-it-is might cause by going cuckoo for coconuts villain with all their power.  God, even the state that JANE was left in is..... D:

Okay, reading.  John goes through the insubstantial rationale for a decision that... was it Dirk who said he’d never pick it?? D:  --because if so at least there’s some hope that, like, there was a real mind split and the timeline diverged, so he gets to enjoy himself or...  god I feel so sick this isn’t helping much

especially with all the subtext littered around here about how this might not matter

maybe i should have gone and read it when dirk and rose gave me the chance in the middle instead of getting all that meat and

ffffffuck.

She buries her nose in the crook of his neck… and starts crying. Huh? She’s definitely sniffing a little, and his skin feels wet against hers.

Wait WHAT THE FUCK.

What the fuck. But she didn’t know. But the Roxy at the end of the Meat path DIDN’T FUCKING KNOW that John wasn’t coming back, WHAT HAPPENED TO HER.

...okay, so are we indulging the fantasies that Calliope was writing on her walls in the meat timeline? It sure sounds like we’re all about indulging the fantasies Callie was writing on her walls in the meat timeline.

CALLIOPE: yoU mUst free the bard from his prison. JOHN: ???

Did he hear her right? He can’t imagine she could possibly mean...

CALLIOPE: gamzee.

..............

Yeah I’m gonna stop reading here.  In fact, I may not come back to it tomorrow, either.  I may not come back to it for WEEKS.  Fuck this.

(Seriously I’ll try to come back tomorrow but this is more than a little disheartening.  And I’m remembering all the hints dropped about what Candy would be like during Meat and stuff like John/Roxy not working out and jesus fuck i’m tired i hope it actually turns out satisfying at least SLIGHTLY when i come back to it......  fuck.  im gonna nurse this beer and engage in all the absurd kinkheavy nsfw homestuck rp i totally do but pretend i dont to maintain a pristine blog persona for my invisible reputation.)

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblog #181

UPDATE 181: Meat

A long time ago, I finished reading Homestuck. It was quite the long tale, and it was rather enjoyable! At the time I thought there ‘d be nothing else, because Act 7 seemed like quite the final chapter – or if there was anything, it’d be bits and pieces that wouldn’t warrant a liveblog. Yet here we are! Turns out, after this long, there’s epilogues. In plural, as you can see. Somehow, there are now epilogues and they’re said to be quite long, too. After taking a cursory read that made me read more than I thought I would, here I am, reopening this liveblog to explore the epilogues.

What I have read so far...is not particularly enticing or even likable, at least in terms of enjoyment, really, but there’s something about the writing that makes me want to continue. Credit where it’s due, yeah. Still, I’m interested in seeing where this is going, and now, I’m posting my thoughts here for everyone to see. Here we go! So, let’s start with the epilogue liveblog!

You know, before that, I should note that now the story has its own URL instead of being into the old mspaintadventures website. Kind of late in the game for this change, Mr. Hussie. I mean, the story is over, and although there’s a whooole lot of new content, it seems a bit senseless to have this in its own domain. Then again, the rest of the mspaintadventures stories were kind of...hidden away in the website? I don’t remember links to them, when I used to read Homestuck. Maybe Homestuck getting its own domain is for the better. I do wonder if this is a hint more stuff will come in the future. The extra-epilogue. The postscript-extra-content. The seriously-guys-this-is-the-end chapter.

There are two epilogues, it seems. One is meat, the other is candy. I immediately notice this is related to the cherubs’ food. I wonder if it means one epilogue will be...bloodier? Crueler? More chaotic and violent? I mean more like something Caliborn will like, while the other will be more to Calliope’s tastes. I’ll start with the meat epilogue, simply because it’s to the left.

From what I can tell at a glance, there are no images, but there are colored words, most likely from conversations between characters. That should be fine, although Homestuck was pretty visual at times, its strength was the writing and characterization.

Well then! The very first paragraph already beats most of Homestuck in terms of extremely descriptive stuff. Heck, this reminds me of Worm, with its extensive paragraphs about bugs and how they crawl on people and cause all sorts of nasty effects. I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

Meat was definitely the right choice, you think, as grease drips down your chin. The meat is cold and undercooked, so you have to grab it with both hands while you rend it apart with your incisors. It bursts in chunks, filling your mouth with blood and your throat with mangled knots of gristle and long strings of muscle fiber. You take big bites, almost too big to swallow, so big that you choke on the meaty mulch and hock some of it up into your nasal cavity. You sneeze out a gooey rope of phlegm and flesh. You stop for a moment to wipe your face, but your chin is still slippery after you swipe the mess away. Slivers of meat catch between your teeth as you masticate with bestial enthusiasm. You use your thumbnail to fish them out.

...am I eating this meat straight from the cow.

Apparently the person who is eating meat that’s almost raw is John, who I guess gained a taste for raw meat at some point. Maybe he’s trying to emulate Jade’s canine half, for all I know. He’s with Roxy and Calliope, the later providing the meat. I suppose cherubs wouldn’t know about cooking meat. Speaking of cherubs, eating meat reminds John of Lord English, and he gets so sick thinking of Lord English he decides he knows what he must do. Alright! Didn’t waste any time dilly-dallying around!

JOHN: i have to go back and kill lord english.

ROXY: u sure?

JOHN: i think so. it will probably be hard. but i think it’s the right thing to do.

JOHN: everyone is counting on me.

When is this epilogue set? Before Act 7? I thought by now Lord English was dead and gone, not that it still was something that needed to be done. Then again, it’s not like Lord English’s death was shown on screen, if I remember correctly. Maybe this is after Act 7 and he’s going back in time with his retcon powers. I suppose he’d still have them.

Roxy seems disappointed, so I suppose she knew this had to be done at some point. Given John’s retcon powers, it’s not impossible this is the last time she sees John if things go wrong. Calliope is more accepting, saying it’s John’s decision. Time to leave?

Seriously, things have gotten quite more descriptive now. Still unsure if that’s good or not.

The farewell is quite unsatisfying, and the moment passes without John being able to make it better, so he goes to prepare himself and write a note for Roxy as a farewell and/or apology. Not only to her, to all of his friends. It’s like he’s aware the chances he’ll return here aren’t that high. I wonder if John would die here at the end. It’d be quite...something!

In this epilogue, there’s a Troll Kingdom, which I imagine is ruled by the trolls who survived Homestuck, raising the grubs created by ectobiology. Dave and Karkaroni are there, Dave lives with the trolls, I suppose because his relationship with Karkaroni now includes living in his hive.

KARKAT: NOT NOW DAVE. JAKE’S ASS IS ON TV AGAIN.

DAVE: stop ogling jakes ass this is important

KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHOSE ASS I SHOULD STOP OGLING.

Apparently the reason why Jake’s ass is on TV again is because he and Dirk have a show involving rap battles and robot wrestling, which I suppose is the natural progression from when Jake used to get said ass kicked by a robot. People like the show, and I’m already convinced it’s partly because of the schadenfreude of seeing Jake losing against robots – because no way Dirk is losing, hah

Karkaroni has a few choice words for the fake gladiatorial show, and points out this show is all about zooming onto Jake’s ass. Maybe ‘pumpkin patch’ is an euphemism. Either way, the relevance of the TV show is eclipsed by the announcement Jane is running for president of the entire Earth. Aha, truly the wretched pastry baroness’ descendant.

DAVE: i dunno crocker is just an ambitious woman i guess

KARKAT: THIS SOUNDS FUCKING AWFUL.

DAVE: oh it is

DAVE: it absolutely is

DAVE: also like

DAVE: dont tell her i said this but

DAVE: i think shes basically a fascist

...well then. Oh all things that could have been used to describe Jane from what I remember of her, ‘fascist’ didn’t come not even close. Then again, it’s not like Karkaroni had any meaningful contact with Jane, and all Dave did was call her hot, which isn’t really the epitome of camaraderie and intimidate knowledge. They both even admit to that.

DAVE: oh also shes a fucking xenophobe

KARKAT: OF COURSE SHE’S A XENOPHOBE!

...ah.

...

Did I miss something? Was there something between Act 7 and these epilogues that revealed Jane harbors xenophobic inclinations? Why am I having to ask aloud ‘hey is Jane a xenophobe’

KARKAT: DAVE, I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE NOTICED, BUT

KARKAT: A LOT OF HUMANS ARE???

DAVE: yeah ive noticed

Well, that part isn’t really surprising. Humanity just has a knack for looking down on other people, I can only imagine how it’d be when it’s about other sapient species. If aliens ever make contact with humanity it’ll be a social mess.

Since letting Jane claim the spot of president of Earth is not good, apparently, Dave wants to stop her, eliciting laughter from Karkaroni who is already imagining Dave running against her. No, Dave couldn’t handle that responsibility, no way.

DAVE: anyway no

DAVE: im not running

DAVE: you are

Hm...unless Karkaroni got over the many issues he had from his leadership attempt during Sgrub this can’t end well. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t like the idea, precisely because he doesn’t feel like he has what’s needed to be a leader. It’s not that he would lose horribly – Karkaroni actually is rather popular. I suppose all of the Homestuck survivors are popular – it’s that he doesn’t feel ready and he seems to hate the attention. Understandable.

KARKAT: MAYBE I DON’T ACTUALLY LIKE BEING FAMOUS?

KARKAT: AND MAYBE THAT’S AS GOOD A FUCKING REASON AS ANY *NOT TO RUN FOR THE FUCKING PRESIDENCY OF EARTH*?????

KARKAT: NOT TO MENTION THE IDEA OF AN ELECTION IS KIND OF A FUCKED UP AND WEIRD THING TO ME CULTURALLY ANYWAY, AND I’M STILL KIND OF GETTING USED TO THE IDEA THAT PEOPLE CAN JUST... “CHOOSE” THEIR FUCKING LEADERS AND NOT HAVE THE SAME OLD MERCILESS BITCH IN POWER FOR SEVERAL MILLION YEARS.

Perfectly valid reason. I mean, it’s not something kind of inconsequential as being the class president of sophomore year in school or whatever it’s like up there in America. It’s president of the entire planet. If Karkaroni wins there will be consequences, even if he steps away immediately. Either he commits to this fully, or he simply shouldn’t run.

DAVE: ok ill just be the one to come out and say it

DAVE: shes going to be a fucking disaster for the economy

So Jane’s a republican. Haha! Ah, I shouldn’t touch this not even with a ten-foot pole. Nevermind that.

DAVE: i guess i have to admit

DAVE: part of this

DAVE: for me personally

DAVE: its

KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING DAVE

DAVE: its about obama

Somehow, I didn’t even bat an eye with Dave described part of the reason why this is personal for him is because Obama didn’t get to be president due to, you know, the end of the world. I find it in-character, somehow. This isn’t the first time Dave extols Obama’s virtues, and after quite an extensive diatribe, he says maybe Obama reincarnated in Karkaroni. Thaaaat has to be the most Dave-y encouraging thing he could have ever thought. It’s for things like these that I like Dave, haha

Apparently only humans have tried to get to high offices, because no other species has even tried. They lack ambition, and given what I remember from Sburb, that’s believable. The only species that could come close to taking part in this are the trolls, and they’re not used to elections. No wonder humans have the high spots of politics.

DAVE: karkat dont stereotype

DAVE: remember the mayor

DAVE: remember how at one point a long time ago he raised an army and rebelled against an evil king

KARKAT: OH YEAH

KARKAT: SOMEHOW I ALWAYS FORGET HE DID THAT.

KARKAT: KIND OF MIND BOGGLING, REALLY.

KARKAT: HOLY SHIT, I MISS THE MAYOR.

DAVE: me too

Ah, yeah...I miss him too. I wonder what happened to him.

The government is in charge of troll reproduction through cloning, I suppose because the mother grub isn’t ready yet. In the meantime, the balance of power will get entrenched to the point where even when there’s a functional mother grub, humans will restrict troll population so they don’t take over the planet and make the horrors of Alternia happen. No lie, that’d be pretty bleak for humanity. Last time the horrors of Alternia were forced onto Earth everyone died. No troll right now would try, buuuut yeah, that’s not going to be forgotten...for a while.

Somehow, Dave’s arguments about how Jane has zero business acumen, is sinister, and trolls are getting the raw end of the deal are actually getting Karkaroni to pay attention, until he finally caves, simply because it’d make Dave happy. That’s sweet. But yeah, this is...not what I expected what would happen in the epilogue. Well then!

DAVE: aw yeah

DAVE: you wont regret it this is gonna be dope

DAVE: i think we have a great shot too

DAVE: with my political savvy and economic genius and outrageous flair for subversive anti establishment messaging and propaganda, and your big loud fucking mouth...

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK

DAVE: um i guess also your charisma and likability and shit

KARKAT: YEAH.

KARKAT: YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT...

KARKAT: I’M PRETTY SURE I CAN FAKE THOSE THINGS WELL ENOUGH.

DAVE: oh also

DAVE: your weirdly sincere humility

KARKAT: I PREFER THE TERM “SELF LOATHING” ACTUALLY.

DAVE: ok lets try to avoid that phrase on the campaign trail too

KARKAT: THIS ALREADY SOUNDS LIKE A PAIN IN THE ASS.

I’m not a political strategist, but if Karkaroni is going to run on a platform about how Jane sucks and there’s inequality towards the trolls, I’m not entirely certain it’s good there’s a shadowy human pulling the strings in the campaign. Kind of seems like bad optics to me. Then again, can’t say I know where this is going so let’s just wait and see.

Yup, Dave definitely will be the brains behind this presidency. They already agreed he’ll write what Karkaroni will say, even though he should improvise and speak from the heart, like he tends to do. Not a bad idea, it’s part of what makes him endearing.

DAVE: time to talk some strategy

DAVE: we need to rally as much high profile support to our cause as we can

DAVE: but there are some uh

DAVE: “lines of loyalty” to figure out

KARKAT: WHAT?

DAVE: i mean which of our friends are going to side with us and which ones will side with jane

It’s a safe bet to think the New Wonderteam will side with Jane and the Original Flavor Wonderteam with Dave and Karkaroni. Calliope likely will stick with Roxy, so she’d be on Jane’s side. All the living trolls would go with Karkaroni, so...overall? It seems to me the advantage is clear. Dave is slightly less optimistic than me, but he does think they can get many on their side.

...okay, what happened to Jade? What kind of twisted scenario involved her to the point where neither Dave nor Karkaroni want to talk about her? I’m almost afraid of finding out.

So there are four kingdoms, if I understand this correctly: one for humans, one for trolls, one for...carapaces, I guess, and one for the consorts, which would be aaaaaall the silly reptiles and amphibians from Sburb.

Jake’s support will be pivotal, and since I’m already betting he’ll be on Jane’s side out of, you know, being friends with her for quite some time, it seems like she’ll have the edge there. Then again, it’s true Jake is fairly timid, so there’s also a chance he’ll refuse to take a side. I’m starting to think any sane person would stay the heck away from any side in this mess, honestly. These two haven’t even announced Karkaroni as a candidate yet I already kind of dread what’s coming. I don’t know, it’s just this...constant atmosphere that something’s pretty wrong. I don’t really like it.

During all this, Dave receives a call from Dirk, so he calls back to ask what’s going on. This page ends with Dirk abut to insinuate he needs Dave to cut his head off again. I see these two’s weird pseudofamilial relationship is as messed up as ever. Charming.

So, back to the more Homestuck-y stuff. John zaps back to the story, apparently he agreed with Rose what needed to be done. First he makes sure Aranea won’t be up to shenanigans, taking off that ring of life from her finger. Good! Then he stashes Gamzee into the fridge again. Good! Everything’s fine over here. John zaps to the next plot point.

Ah, I have to read just two paragraphs to know what moment is this. The conversation below confirms my thoughts. Wait, I have to get the image for this moment:

There we go. Boy was it a pain to find it now that the long outline list is gone.

I think in Homestuck they had noticed John hanging out above them, and this time they see three of them, one of the Johns being an adult version. That’s going to be difficult to explain. Questions are asked, and evil Jade is zapped away to maybe get ready for the fight against Lord English, hopefully she won’t still be evil when the time comes, even if she technically is against Lord English and wants him dead. John is here to talk with Dave, anyway. If I recall correctly, Dave was supposed to give the final blow with that sword with the Welsh name, so my guess is that John is here for that. Get ready, Dave, you’re going to fulfill the fate you didn’t want in the first place! But at least I’m fairly certain John will be more successful at this than evil Jade was.

Turns out I’m not wrong about why John is here. In fact, the narration even says this:

Dave’s eyebrows descend beneath his sunglasses. You feel pretty bad because you’re about to completely circumvent the life-changing epiphany he’s just had that you know for a fact will make him a happier, chiller, and altogether more well-balanced human being.

Pretty unfortunate, really. It sucks to be Dave.

As I said before, Jade is zapped away to parts unknown, and Dave is informed of how everyone was spending their lives as normal adults with no big problems and a fairly peaceful life. Clearly John left the present before Dave and Karkaroni started their political war against Jane. Oh well. Off you go, Dave, get ready for a fight with Lord English. In the meantime, John will gather the rest of the team.

You know, I’m starting to realize I had a lot more to say about Dave and Karkaroni’s new political adventures than about the more familiar Homestuck-y messing around John is doing with the plot. I guess it’s because, as strange as the other plotline is, it just has...a lot other stuff to comment about that hasn’t been present in Homestuck before? Hm.

Yup, Dirk immediately asks for his decapitation as a solution for the tremendous defeat he has suffered at Jake’s hands, defeat that shouldn’t have happened because, as Dave states, Jake is pretty awful at everything. Either the show is rigged or Dirk must have quite a lot in mind for him to not even make an effort.

Yep, it’s rigged. I hope Jake knows. That guy never had a break during the game, hopefully he’ll get a break now. Speaking of Jake, he has to take the brunt of entertaining everyone while Dirk takes the call in the middle of the show. Whatever he has to talk about must be somewhat urgent, if he felt like calling Dave in the middle of it.

This narration sure is calling attention to Jake’s ass a lot, I lost count of how many paragraphs include something about it. Hussie, is there something you’d like to share with the class? Last time I checked the story he didn’t seem particularly interested in Jake’s ass, or in...Jake in general, really.

It seems what Dirk is doing here is intentionally making himself the villain of this show, but it’s not because he’s throwing Jake a bone or anything. No, it turns out there are more sinister goals here, or at least they’re sinister for Dave and Karkaroni’s newfound political ambitions.

DIRK: The point is, this is much less about me, and more about providing a foil for Jake’s heroism and charisma.

DIRK: It’s very important that his popularity continues to be cultivated, to maximize his political capital.

Sounds like they were planning Jane’s campaign for quite a while, if they went so far as to make Jake the hero of their show just for political capital. I bet that was the plan all along, right from the very first time this was broadcasted. How long ago was that, I wonder? But yeah, as Dave predicted, Dirk is fully on the Jane corner of this mess. He’s fully aware of Jane’s flaws and theoretical fascist/xenophobic tendencies, I presume, and he believes Jane’s the best for the current situation of the world. Whether he’s right or not...well...until proven otherwise I believe that too, yeah.

DIRK: We’ve all had our fun here, but it’s easy to overlook the fact that civilization on Earth C is hardly a sustainable proposition.

DIRK: Just beneath the surface, it’s quite a dangerous and unstable place.

Won’t lie, that never crossed my mind at all. From the way Act 7 ended, and how happy the ending was supposed to be, I simply thought things were going to be just peachy. I’m interested in knowing just how exactly it’s a quite a dangerous and unstable place. Care to explain, Dirk?

Guess not. I hope he explains how he knew what Dave and Karkaroni are planning, then. They took this decision like ten minutes ago.

DIRK: I think your heart is in the right place, but the dude is a complete amateur.

DIRK: He’ll get eaten alive. I also have a hard time imagining he even wants the job.

DIRK: Really, it’s an awful idea for him to even run. Think about how much it’s going to inflame the interspecies tensions on this planet. Is that what you want?

DIRK: I’m happy for both of you, really. It’s nice that you encourage and support each other in this way. But you’re sending him on a fool’s errand which can only end badly.

To be perfectly honest, other than the part about inflaming interspecies tensions on the planet, that was more or less what I thought. So far I agree. Even the part about inflaming interspecies tensions sounds plausible.

You know, it’s kind of fun both sides have a savvy Strider political operative. These two are more alike than Dave would like to admit, really.

The reason why Dirk is calling is because he wants to dissuade Karkaroni from running, even if he doesn’t say it. He admits Jake is not under Dirk’s beck and call, though. Does that really change anything? Dirk may not be on Jake’s good graces, but perhaps Jane is? Either way, this is a call to subtly dissuade and it’s not going to work because Karkat is stubborn as hell once he gets his head into something and he did. Tough luck.

The call is over, Dirk is back into the staged fray, so Jake thinks about Dirk’s capricious nature.

DIRK: Sorry for the momentary diversion, Jake. Now where were we?

JAKE: Momentary??? Gadzooks man you were on the phone for half a friggin hour!

JAKE: I know you like to get the crowd all hot and bothered but we are supposed to be professionals here!

...no wonder the crowd was starting to get so upset. Half an hour?! Just how slowly were the Striders talking?

Jake pulls out rhymes that honestly reminds me of Dave’s old rapping convos from like Act 1 or 2, peppered with old-timey sayings. It’s the kind of thing that makes me wonder how Jake is popular all over the planet. It’s said it’s out of pity, but goodness, that must be a metric ton of pity. The rap fight ends with Dirk sedating Jake to take another call. Geez, no wonder you’re not on his good graces anymore, Dirk.

Aaaanyway, back to John. He has gathered everyone back at his childhood home, ready to start the discussion on how to get rid of Lord English once and for all.

Jake is sort of ruining the mood anyway by bouncing away on your old Green Slime pogo. Doesn’t he realize how dangerous that thing is? Of course not. The fool.

To be frank that thing looked fun to me, even though I wouldn’t ride it without a helmet. John needs to appreciate more the painful playground elements in his life.

It’s nostalgic to read a convo with the kids. I hadn’t realized until now I missed Jade’s goofy mannerisms. Jade was always someone I was so fond of. Heck, all of the kids are people I’m fond of, although I’m less fond of Dirk and Jake than the rest. My opinion of Homestuck may not be as high as it once was, but the characters are something I still appreciate.

John answers a question: what happens to the people from the timelines they all left? Who knows. They may have stopped existing, which I’m sure is something they’d have liked to know before, but there’s nothing that can be done about that. Better start planning so they don’t die horribly and make nothing matter, alright.

The planning is mostly disorganized and structureless, although some common themes that often recur involve you and your original three friends leading the charge, since you are the oldest and wisest, and therefore the strongest, with the exception of Jade, whose gaudy array of powers make her the most formidable of the group, bar none. Aside from that, it appears the consensus is that the melee will likely devolve into an absolute free-for-all—at least going by the general patterns of incoherent banter, shit-talking, and points of pedantic tactical disagreement plaguing the jam session.

Sounds about right. I still think Jade would be very useful in the fight as long as she’s actually there and not...getting knocked out by mailwomen-turned-winged-dog. Maybe this time there’ll actually be something about the kids getting into a fight with Lord English. I’m not really going to hope for that too much, given how Hussie is not into catering to orderly narratives, but eh. No harm in dreaming.

The reunion ends when Jake eats dirt when he falls from the pogo, and in all this there wasn’t even a word about the plan. Not a good omen for the ‘show everyone fighting Lord English’ dream, really. The kids all talk together, some of them meeting each other for the first time, while John wistfully stares at Dad Egbert who is visible through the window.

The sun is hitting the glass in such a way that you can’t see his face.

Ah, yes, how could I forget the eternal sun that was in Dad’s vicinity all the time, that’s why his face always appeared mostly blank. That’s why the sun was right beside the Homestuck letter logo, it’s always there. Besides, if it’s a bad idea to go talk with Dad Hebert, may I ask why they’re all gathered in this yard, one week before the meteors strike? I know I’d be alarmed if I looked out of the window and saw seven hooligans and one adult hanging out in my yard.

There are other things to be wondering about, anyway, like the fact John may not be seeing these as real versions of his friends. Then again, in my opinion, he’s thinking a bit too hard about this. Of course he’d feel kind of detached, simply because of the age difference. That’s hard to overcome. Is it time to leave and go possibly die? Grab hands and hope it’ll go okay!

No, seriously, why am I taking like a page for John’s retconning and like three and half for Dave and Karkaroni’s Elect-a-Troll 20XX? Oh well. Dirk is still in the stadium, apparently their shows always ends in a riot, making me wonder how are they popular with people. Public disorder doesn’t really paint a good image of you. The caller is Rose, and she’s not feeling happy.

ROSE: The bottom line is this.

ROSE: I am ascending, and it is terrible.

Is Rose reaching Nirvana? How else am I supposed to interpret ‘ascending’? It’s not like she’s not a higher existence already, what with godhood and all.

What’s going on is that Rose is being plagued from visions and a higher awareness of her alternate selves’ lives and tribulations, giving her something close to omniscience when it’s about the universe, and Dirk is going through that too, which I suppose helps explain how he knew what Dave wanted to do. That’s what Dave will have to go against? Good luck to him.

I have to wonder if Dirk being such a stalwart Jane supporter is fueled by his recent omniscience. Maybe he knows something Dave and Karkaroni don’t, maybe the warning he gave them was something he foresaw. That aside, then he also must have known how useless it was to call Dave and that it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Having omniscience must seriously suck. At least Dirk has a way to work with his omniscience in a way that won’t wreck him apart, and I’m curious what it’s going to be. That said, though, a story about Dirk and Rose having foreseen a nasty future and working to stop it even at the cost of a few valuable friendships would be interesting. I’d read that.

Any conversation that will come from this will be at the studio later. I for one am looking forward to it, I admit. It’s an interesting topic, rich with possibilities and potential for development. It’s a shame these are epilogues, though. In the end, this will go nowhere, I imagine. Isn’t it a pity when you come across an idea or a plot that could span an entire story, but you know it’s not likely to come to fruition? Real shame, that.

I think I’ll stop for now. I have read only seven pages out of forty-three or so, but this should be enough for now. I can’t say I have been...enjoying this. I’m interested, but not really happy so far. Maybe it’s because a couple rather questionable things have come out of the blue and for the life of me I can’t make them fit with the characters or the story. Strange.

Also, something about the writing style is...off. It’s far more descriptive than Homestuck usually was. Most of the time it’s nice, other times I wonder if it was necessary. Still, I wonder where this will go, so at least the epilogues have that on its favor. Just for that, I think liveblogging it will be worth it.

Still, these epilogues are non-canon, aren’t they? If they’re canon can you please tell me that? Thanks, readers! So, for the time being, this update ends here.

Next update: next time

[roquereptil]

candy epilogue , ah shit! here we go again...

instead of reading it in a one nighter during a weekend like i wanted, i decided i wanted to pass parasitology this year and studied instead (i passed btw, oh and NEVER GO SWIMING IN A LAKE/SWEET WATER WITOUT COVERING YOU NOSETRILS OR YOUR BRAIN IS GOING TO BE DEVOURED BY AMOEBAS)

it took me 1 day (karkat’s b day it seems, i only remember 413 and the others i trust the fandom to remind me, also it seems corporate overlord vizmedia docent believe in homestuck magic numbers to make upd8s, no matter the fandom will do stuff anyway)to read the entire thing, honestly it feels longer than meat but i cant tell if it was actually longer.

[spoilers]  

i was expecting some things (because i got spoiled with memes/fix-it comics) but the most basic thing i expected wasnt there, i thought that caliope was the narrator of the non canon earth c narrative, that we would get an unexpected twist, the color of the letters of narration would change to red to reveal dead caliope as the master of narrative of these universe, but that didnt happened, every interaction, opinion and personality trait was untainted (at the very least, it was untainted after jonh chose to stay, its posible dirk was manipulating jane and jake for his agenda before jonh fucked his plans.) its very clear if we look at how jake behaves in candy compared to meat, then again candy has timeskips and meat docent, so maybe in the future of meat eart c, jake will also, in the end do the right thing and save his son from jane.

once again no one acted ooc, just acted in the worst posible outcome,but we cant be sure about this because of how bizzare everyone is acting , and it docent help that our narrator is jonh in most of the story, its not until the talk with roxy that we can start to understand this, he thinks no ones actions are real or of their own will, roxy proves its not true. however i still dont understand where does alive caliope stands in all of this, at first i thouhgt this was her master plan, but as the story progressed things went to shit and she didnt seem bothered by it, so she wasnt pulling any strings at all.

OH and thank you whoever wrote this for making 50% of all of jade’s tag in rule 34 canon. im sure most of the fandom wanted that specific part of her anatomy to be adressed in the story for reals (i had to take deep breath everytime it was brought up to avoid either laughing like crazy or ragequiting)

in the end i noticed that, you can read meat without reading candy for it to make sence in a narrative point of view, bad things happen, villian is revealed, more bad things happen, heroes gather up to defeat villian, story ends with a sequel expected. (with the exception of the afterscript)

in candy things happened that make no sence unless you have read meat first, if you see both epilogues as one singuler story everthing makes more sence however. but also candy ends kinda...halfway there, we know lord english is about to fall in the middle of a human-troll war and that dead caliope will deafet him in order to cross into meat/canon earth c to stop dirk, but just like int the animation before the homestuck credits, all of that is left for the readers to guess.

also you cant convince me that holo-obama wasnt an invention of dirk to fuck up dave, everything in that part screamed  “DIRK’s EVIL PLAN FOR DAVE INCASE HE DIES” so yeah i dont know where he stands in the sence of against dirk or with dirk, but i think he will be with dirk most likely

also i hope the new kids get to play a role later on.

so to end this i have to say..uh...FUCK GAMZEE AND JANE?? I GUESS?

[paragonrobits]

instead of reading Meat all in one go like i did with Candy, I’m gonna do a liveblog of it; writing my reactions down as I go, covering a few pages, and posting the results later!

here is the first one, in which John makes a decision, Karkat and Dave discuss politics, and Jane’s business skills are called into question. Also, Obama fanfic is canon to this iteration of timelines, it would seem.

Well, Candy was an absolute trip-scape and a half so how horrific can Meat be? A lot, probably.

That last scene with Roxy and Calliope, oh no oh NOOOOO this is tragic and super sad, and he just makes an awkward mess of himself?? Roxy was hoping he wouldnt go? And he just makes it SO AWKWARD. HE TRIES TO HUG THEM GOODBYE BUT THEY’RE ALREADY TURNED AWAY. HE MADE THE CHESS PEOPLE EMBARRASSED. This poor, unfortunate goober.

Leaving letters to his friends, OH DEAR.

Karkat likes the Jake butt, i did not see that coming. Then again, the Harley butt is undoubtedly the most hypnotic. Science facts, people.

Rap battle and robot wrestling sounds pretty fuckawesome honestly

I have to ask; what exactly is WITH the epilogue’s treatment of Jane as Condesce 2.0? With her being a troll-hating fascist that Karkat and Dave are super suspicious of? Like, I can see it as being something she accidentally stumbles into as part of her Super Captalist vibes, but… it’s just being presented as a Jane thing from the get-go and she has never shown ANY signs of this at all. Granted, Jane has had the least interactions with trolls, but she has no real NEGATIVE interactions with them apart from Sober Gamzee, but that had nothing to do with him being a troll, just all Caliborn-ish. This whole ‘Jane is a xenophobic fascist’ thing just is coming out of nowhere and I don’t like that.

“Jane is a xenophobe” “a lot of humans are!” okay karkat, honestly that’s fair. I mean have you seen most of our sci fi? Most of it is either about humanity being ultra superior or aliens being evil, or both. 40k alone is gonna be a strike against us, i can tell you that

KARKAT YOU ARE TOO A LEADER, NOW SHUT UP AND DO THE FRIENDLEADER, TAKE BACK THE TITLE FROM WHICH YOU BEQUATHED TO VRISKA, SHE PROCEEDE TO DO FUCKALL WITH IT.

“People don’t love me!” dont you break my heart, karkat, DONT YOU DO IT!!! DONT, JUST DONT; in all honesty, i love that we ARE getting more of karkat getting back to leader basics, though i totally missed that apparently he thoguht it was about commanding fear and respect? Considering he named his team Adorabloodthirsty, getting FEAR from people isn’t exactly something i associate with crab boi

Homestuck has brought us the phrase “freestyle obama fanfiction”, i am not suprised

“That didn’t involve the american political landscape turning into a nightmarish daily joke” AHAHAHAHA oh man, dave, oh man. Oh man. OH MAN. you missed out on some SHIT LET ME FUCKIN TELL YOU

I am still convinced that Dave and Karkat, and the rest, genuinely have no idea that the Mayor, for all his sweetness, is honestly kind of an acerbic asshole when he DOES communicate. Maybe that’s why they love him so much though

I gotta ask, though. How the hell DID humans get into a dominant position in the government?? Trolls live longer than them, they have immense physical and psionic power, and they have to outnumber the humans pretty significantly. I mean, there ARE more human gods than trolls so that might give humans something of a cultural authority, but by that logic the carapacians should be more dominant since THEY (or at least, the Mayor and company) founded the society in the first place. And what the hell is this stuff about hummans being more naturally ambitious? I mean they might come off that way because they’re being contrasted against consorts and carapacians, who are engineered to be generally group-thinkers, but c’mon

Psst, hey. Did you remember that ALTERNIA IS NOT THE DEFAULT STATE OF TROLLKIND. ALTERNIA IS IN NO WAY A NATURAL SOCIETY. IT IS THE RESULT OF AN ALL POWERFUL MANIPULATOR WORKING BEHIND THE SCENES TO ENGINEER A SOCIETY, AT EVERY LEVEL, TO BE RUTHLESS AND BRUTAL. BEFORUS IS THE NATURAL STATE OF TROLLS; it wasn’t PERFECT but if you go by how they wound up without interference, trolls should be winding up as a culture of coddling and easy-going caretakers. In-universe they sohuld GODDAMN KNOW THAT, COME ON

Okay, this confirms something for me, though; this is a post scarcity society. They dont NEED TO SPEND MONEY ON ANYTHING. THERE IS LITERALLY NO REASON FOR WEALTH OR MONEY TO EXIST IN ANY FORM WHATSOEVER. So why even bother with the pretense? What is the POINT of people having jobs if all resources and products can be produced on the spot??? Like your wealth is meaningless, Dave, and honestly you have to know that and you’re keeping it going because its part of your aesthetic to fuck around and amuse yourself with the knowledge that its pointless to care about valueless money but, STILL. SERIOUSLY. It does illustrate his point that Jane doesn’t realy know what she’s doing when it comes to business, though

(im not saying that Terezi needs to be here and just leaving Vriska to her own devices and hanging out with Dave and Karkat and helping them build a better world and making bizarre comebacks but… she does, someone do an AU of ‘President Karkat and Terezi is his terrifyingly charismatic vice president’ please

...okay but WHY is the world seeming to follow the American political system. I mean, why though

I dont know why but it really makes me happy that the Dirk Decapitatio Meme is actually canon. I mean, not like in the Candy route. That was fucked up beyond all recognition.

[animmania]

HOMESTUCK EPILOGUE MEAT THOUGHTS **SPOILERS**

So i want to make some things clear before i get started. I have only read the meat option. I wanted

to also read candy so I could make this with all possible information. But meat left such a bad taste

in my mouth. And after a friend of mine told me somethings about candy i just couldnt bring my

self to read more of it.

So yes i did not like the epilogue. And this is mainly just going to be talking about some of the main

reasons why i didnt like it. And if you did like it or disagree with anything i say. Thats perfectly fine

In fact im honestly happy you could like it. I really really wanted to like it but i just. Couldnt.

So what about it gave me so much issues. The first one is the style and format and feel of it. You will

notice its very different looking from homestuck. Being all text and having 2 routes to choose from.

And alot of it feels very differnt then homestuck and to be fair. Thats the point. I had to have it

explianed to me but it seems to be mostly going for the style and taking common tropes in fan

fiction. The look of it is apprently based on a fan fiction site and the meat route is meant to be the

darker fan fiction while the candy is meant to be happier one where every ship comes true. (altho

from what ive heard it seems more depressing then the darker route so i dont get how that works but

oh well) but that is the point. So it would and should make sense that it dosnt feel like homestuck

right? Well. no. Because no matter what. This is still the offical epilogue to the story. You can make

it look unoffical as much you want. You can try to explain that its both in cannon but not in cannon

but at the end of the day it dosnt matter. Its still the epilogue. It was written in part by the actual

creator. Its on the offical site. In fact if you go on the site right now. Its the very first thing you see.

With right below it homestuck. If they really wanted to drive this fan fiction thing all the way

though. Then i think it both shouldnt have been on the offical site. And hussie shouldnt have

written it. They could have made its own lil site or heck maybe even put it up on the fanfiction site

they had been mimicking. But by putting it up on the offical site it defeats the idea that this is meant

to be fanfiction.

While im on the looks of the epilogue i also got to say i was really expecting it to do more with it.

I was expecting them to do some really intersesting things with it being in this new format. For

example something many people thought including my self was that once john went back into the

cannon the formating would change back into homestucks as it normally is. That would have been

really intersting and would have helped cement that that world being not in the cannon. But. no.

That never happens. It stays in the fan fiction form though out and thats just kinda it. It felt like a

waste. Even the meta narrtive i thought was really wasted. When dirk takes over its noting that

homestuck its self hasnt done in the past. If anything its less. Like remember when doc scratch

took over in homestuck. And the whole site it self changed. That was really cool and interesting.

But here....its just changes the black text to yellow. Thats it. And now the narration is coming from

him. I couldnt help but feel really let down by it. It just seemed like....such a waste.

Ok lets talk about the characters and story and my main issues with them. Now apprently alot of

people didnt like that it was getting much darker in areas but i didnt mind. Homestuck was never

one to shy away from dark or mature subjects and now that the characters are older them dealing

with more mature things makes sense. My issue with the story is actually that its trying to be a story

when its meant to be an epilogue. An epilogue. To me at least. Should be about just the characters.

Seeing how they are doing after the events of the main story and seeing maybe new struggles after

the credits. And while there is some of that here. Its not the focus and more of the focus is one this

new story starting. John having to go fight lord english. Dirk becoming evil. Jane wanting to

become president. I couldnt get into any of it and it never gave me a reason to. This is just an

epilogue.not homestuck 2. not a spin off of any sort. Its just meant to be a short thing on what

happened after the ending. The main story is already over. And its so fruasting becuase it had stuff

in it that i loved but they dont focus on it enough. Like theres a side thing where roxy mentions

that they and calli had been talking about gender idenity and how they had came to the conclsuion

that roxy is trans and uses he him/they them pronuons. That part. Made me so happy. I thought it

was amazing that they were doing this with their character and it was really interesting. But at the

same time i couldnt help but think how much if this had more of a focus on. Like they say calli and

roxy talked about this. And i cant help but think how much i would have loved to see that  

conversation

there was also this one throw away line about how rose and her wife had been talking about

adopting. And i cant even to begin to say how much id love to read a story of just them talking

about if they should have a kid. And john discovering he has depression i thought was really good

and i wish it had more focus and had him just talking more to people about it. This epilogue left me

with just wanting so much it didnt give. Now  i will give credit the roxy being trans thing didnt

just get dropped they did have it devople as time went on and it was cool but again i just wanted

more of it. The stuff with dirk and lord english just felt. Pointless. And gave me an impression that

maybe they were afraid people wouldnt be interested in the epilogue if there wasnt some kind of

stake at risk and i cant help but wonder what it would have been like if they werent in it.

My other main issue with the story is how they did  sorten characters. Some i liked for example

where johnn,roxy,dave,karkat,rose and a few others.they were good and i felt they for the most part

showed how they had grown over the years and that this would be how they would naturally be

older. But others i couldnt get behind. For examples i didnt really care how they did jade. She really

didnt add anything and most of what she was doing was hitting on dave and karkat. It felt kinda like

a waste to have her just for that. Granted they do have her get possed but by then you dont really get

any more real interaction out of her so your mostly left with how she first shows up and its just ..

weak i think i would describe it as weak. Then theres characters like jane and dirk . Jane  now being

just stright up a jerk letrally shamming jake  to hundereds of people and dirk letrally being  super

evil and doing really really fucked up things. Im not asking for characters to be perfect angels. But

this seems just to much. To go from homestuck where they had grown alot as characters and had

bettered them selfs as people. To just going to this. Its. Its very unsatisfying.

I think i would use that word to sum up meat alot. Its very . Unsatisfying.  They mention in the

choice just before you pick meat or candy. That meat would be much harder to get though. But it

would be over all better for you and more satisfying to eat. For me. That never happened. Though  

out it all i never get that satisying feeling. I never got that (oh ok this made it worth it) it never

 never happened for me and its so fruastrating because i wanted to have that feeling so badly. I

wanted to love this but so many things about it kept making it impossible for me.

And this brings me to the final thing i want to say. Maybe my perosnal biggest issue with this and

why i cant enjoy it.

But first i want to talk about homestucks ending.  To me. Homestuck ended perfectly. One could

agrue that it could have had more problems going on but to me it was what i wanted. The characters

after years of struggles. After death,pain,saddness and so many hardships. Pulled though. They

made it to the other side. They grew as people.   They bettered them selfs. And  got a happy ending

that they desvered and worked hard to get. And with the credits giving us insight to how it was

going over there. I couldnt help but be so happy at it. When i got to it i was very emtional and i just

felt it was so right . And a great   note to end homestuck on .  

But thats no longer the case. It isnt the end now. It isnt the last thing from homestuck

This is . This is the end of homestuck. This is the last note it will go out on . The epilogue. An

epilogue that. To me. Felt so unsatisfying. And put the characterss though more shit and left things

on a sad un happy note that might not get any real conlsuion. This is it. It turned an ending that

i loved. Into a  bitter sweet momment. And you could say im being over dramatic. And i would

agree. I think i am. I want to just shut up and just  enjoy this or ignore it. But i cant. My brain wont

shut up and let it go. That this last part of homestuck. Something i love so much. Had its final

momment be this. I just feel. So .  Dissapointed by all this.

Now i want to just say some quick things here. These are just my thoughts. If you liked the epilogue

or even loved it. Im so happy for you. Honestly i mean this with all my heart. Im glad people can

and have enjoyed it. And you could also make the argument that by not reading both routes that

could be why i didnt enjoy it and maybe reading both would do so. And hey. Maybe your right. But

i cant really bring my self to do. But at the very least  i got my thoughts out. And as i am wrighting

this i am already feeling so much better  and im glad i could get my thoughts out there.

[momestuck]

Epilogues: Candy, Ch 22-26 [Epilogue 5]

/So a lot of heavy shit has happened, though worse is yet to come (I’ve been warned of an onscreen sexual assault in chapter 32).

Everyone’s been having babies and funerals! It’s a busy time.

(note: csa mention in chapter 23, though it does not occur in the narrative)

Chapter 22

This is another John-Terezi text convo chapter. There’s been a three-year timeskip. And... it’s raining ghosts now.

So I guess that’s what became of the whole ghosts in the Furthest Ring thing?

We also learn that, on top of the breeding restrictions, trolls are banned from rising beyond certain levels in government. Jane is, we learn, pretty much running the government behind the scenes, because what makes fascist movements tick is one evil person, obviously.

Karkat’s the one with a backbone at least...

JOHN: and karkat...

JOHN: he’s gone completely off the grid!

JOHN: at first we all assumed that the reason he ran away was because he got fed up with his shitty poly relationship.

JOHN: which was probably part of it, honestly. but now i keep seeing his face on all the resistance posters!

JOHN: i think they may have actually put him in charge?

TEREZI: H3H

TEREZI: 1 4LW4YS KN3W H3 H4D 1T 1N H1M

This situation is only exacerbated by the ghosts. So that means characters who were very definitely dead in the main storyline can show up.

Gamzee has been apparently spreading this religion of ‘redemption arcs’ by ‘making out with people’, and doing some kind of milk-based ‘baptism’. John, meanwhile, asks about the ethics of kidnapping baby Tavros from his horrific parents...

We get to bare witness to Gamzee ‘redeeming’ the ghosts of Feferi and Eridan. Which involves Eridan going on about Feferi’s feet and Gamzee mashing their faces together to make them ‘kiss and make up’.

Jane, it seems, is going full Condesce in more ways than one:

Just then, a dark shadow passes over the park. The crowd falls silent as they raise their heads to watch a drone ship pass by overhead. Its design is insect-like, splitting into many jagged branches, each decked out with weapons and cameras. It’s completely silent, and encased in armor with a bright red finish, smooth and seamless. It’s often cited by Jane as the crown jewel of Crockercorp’s various military contracts with the government.

...including literally building her spaceships, and sending them out over the Troll kingdom.

So we’re basically going to have the Holocaust allegory in here I guess? Fucking hell.

chapter 23

We get more words towards Roxy’s steady character dissolution...

It’s not like Roxy had ever been argumentative, exactly. He just seems to remember someone from his youth who was somewhat more contrarian in spirit than this person he’s married to now.

Back when they were dating, John thought she was acting a little off. Not quite in a bad way, but perhaps a little too “in love,” too fast. At least she still seemed like herself most of the time. But since the wedding, every year that goes by, she seems to become just a little more conciliatory. Not just toward him but toward life in general. She indulges Harry Anderson liberally and almost thoughtlessly. She doesn’t care that her best friend is slowly turning into an executive overseeing the corporate arm up the puppet ass of a ruthless dictatorship. She still thinks Gamzee is being sincere about all this “redemption” bullshit, even though he’s been casting an increasingly dark and hungry shadow behind Jane: a malicious royal vizier to her burgeoning imperial persona.

So John’s going to do something, and hopes that it will make things feel ‘real’ again... which is to say obviously what he talked about with Terezi, kidnapping/rescuing Tavros Crocker. Well-intentioned, but... I do not anticipate this going well.

We learn a little such as... Jane’s planning to outlaw human and troll marriage, which would retroactively hit Rose and Kanaya. Which I guess is the final straw for them. (Frankly it should be well past the final straw for all of them. They should all be with Karkat by this point!)

Also Jane and Jake are in ‘auspistice counselling’. We witness a loud row, in front of Tavros...

TAVROS: It’s fine,,, my parents are kismeses after all,,,

like, fuck.......

It’s a birthday party for Harry Anderson (John and Roxy’s kid), and Jane’s gift is, well, a fucking imperial drone!

sometimes I picture V’s gleeful face as we see the next thing she’s got for us... and now you lick the clown’s armpit... jane’s making the Holocaust but for fictional space aliens...

John awkwardly finds an excuse to be alone with Tavros, to convince him to run away. The kid dialogue is convincingly naive.

The possibility of child sexual abuse (by Gamzee) is raised, but it’s made clear this isn’t the case: what ever else Gamzee is in this version, he doesn’t rape children. However, that the situation is overall abusive in just about every other way is more than clear. Tavros, on his part, seems to be very keen to leave once he’s convinced John can escape Jane’s security.

I have a feeling the imperial drone may become relevant again shortly.

Jade, however, witnesses what John’s trying to do. She insists it will just make everything worse... (also Jake has an ‘execution dance off show’ because yeah...)

Whatever weird character corrosion has hit them is finally raised...

JOHN: if there was another way we would have found it by now!!!

JOHN: but there isn’t one, because everyone’s been all... brainwashed by marriage, or whatever the hell happened over the last few years that made things be this way!

JOHN: it’s like everyone just talks past each other all the time!

JADE: john...

JOHN: i’m the only one who ever seems to realize that something...

JOHN: that something’s WRONG!

Tavros sadly can’t get a word in edgewise as they start having a go at each other - John calling out everything that’s wrong, the way Jade forced a relationship on Dave and Karkat, and... and the noise is loud enough that Jane arrives on the scene.

John finally has a go at her with all the latent awfulness that’s been building up to this point. The fascism, the way she’s treated Jake, the Gamzee thing... the narration has put us very much on his side, centred his perspective, but his friends won’t hear it. And his windy powers destroy the room. So that’s something.

John runs away.

Comment: the mostly strict John viewpoint makes me wonder if there’s any degree of unreliable narration. All the same, most of the stuff is pretty undeniable.

chapter 24

This one begins with an interesting exchange:

JADE [alt-Calliope]: the timelines are interacting again.

ARADIA: ooh do you hear anything interesting

SOLLUX: don’t be s0 n0sy aradia.

To me the implication is that a lot of the ‘arrivals’ in this timeline - alt-Calliope in Jade’s body, the ghosts - are as a result of things that might be happening in the Meat story.

Through alt-Calliope’s eyes, we see Terezi and John’s conversation. Terezi is lost, in more ways than one, in the dreaming void searching for Vriska. She’s also experiencing derealisation... John, apparently in a mood for dropping harsh challenges, tells her point blank that Vriska is either dead, or, not worth her time for leaving her in doubt for so long.

alt-Calliope explains that what is at stake is not the destruction of this universe - but those of them here are ‘the lucky ones’, who live ‘beyond the reach of the prince’. She doesn’t bother to explain what is at stake.

Meanwhile, John and Terezi talk depression. There’s some really vital Terezi dialogue here...

JOHN: please. please come home.

TEREZI: TH3N WH4T

JOHN: umm, i dunno.

JOHN: we hang out and stuff?

TEREZI: JOHN YOU ST1LL DONT G3T 1T

TEREZI: 34RTH C 1S *NOT* MY HOM3

JOHN: do you really miss alternia that bad?

TEREZI: 1 D1D FOR 4 LONG T1M3

TEREZI: MOR3 TH4N K4RK4T 4ND K4N4Y4 D1D 4T L34ST

TEREZI: BUT 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 4NYMOR3

TEREZI: 4LT3RN14, VR1SK4, SGRUB

TEREZI: 1M SO CONFUS3D 4BOUT WH4T 1 W4NT

TEREZI: UGH, 1 THOUGHT TH4T NOT K1LL1NG H3R WOULD M4K3 M3 F33L B3TT3R

TEREZI: BUT 1NST34D 1TS L1K3 1 R3TCONN3D 4 HUG3 CHUNK OUT OF MY SOUL

TEREZI: 1 3R4S3D 4N 4CT1ON OF R3GR3T 4ND GR13F...  

TEREZI: 4ND JUST TURN3D 1T 1NTO SOM3TH1NG 1 C4NT STOP CH4S1NG 4FT3R

TEREZI: M4YB3 WH4T 1 D1D W4S N3CESS4RY TO S4V3 3V3RYON3 3LS3

TEREZI: BUT 1T SUR3 D1DNT S4VE M3

oh terezi....

terezi is giving up. she tells john she texted, echoing his words, to ‘give him the courtesy of closure’. and that she’s going to let herself die, alone in the Furthest Ring.

this is the ‘sweet fluffy’ branch huh

chapter 25

finally an update on what’s going on with Karkat!

he’s been somehow appointed ‘Commander’ of the rebellion, with good old Swifer Eggmop as one of his comrades! I’m so glad Swifer is having a role. Karkat is not all that pleased about the successes of his rebellion:

KARKAT: SO FAR ALL THIS “TROLL REBELLION” HAS AMOUNTED TO IS A WHOLE LOT OF DICK ALL, WITH AN ADDITIONAL SIDE SERVING OF JACK SQUAT, FOLLOWED UP BY A FINAL COURSE OF GETTING TO WATCH OUR TOP ANALYST, CLIPER BORDEN, BEING FORCED TO DANCE TO AVOID LIFE IMPRISONMENT IN A LABOR CAMP ON LIVE TELEVISION AND MAKING A COMPLETE ASS OF HIMSELF.

It’s all a weird mix of surreal and grimdark, much like the Alpha kids’ backstory in Homestuck proper. There’s hard labour camps... making cake; a ‘pastry-based shadow dictatorship’.

Rose and Kanaya are at least involved somewhat in the troll rebellion, and transport of the Mother Grub has been arranged.

Anyway, Karkat’s typically grumpy internal monologue is interrupted by the sudden arrival of Meenah from another dimension. A living Meenah - equipped with a Ring of Life. John asks if she got it from Calliope, but Meenah insists she did not. (Possibly she got it from Andrew Hussie himself? I’d have to watch Cascade again probably...)

Meenah, it seems, is fresh from battling Lord English - apparently without success. But her massive army of ghosts arrives with her... and she’s willing for Karkat to take charge and order her around, as long as he does it with a suitably commanderly demeanour. Does this mean the rebellion now stands more of a chance? Meenah is ruthless (she was the Condesce in another life), though capricious... Karkat is honest and direct and angry about the right things, but rather prone to getting lost in it.

Also he still won’t text Dave, and won’t let Rose talk to him about it.

chapter 26

Back to John, who’s thinking about messaging Terezi again - presumably in the hope that she is not, in fact, dead?

He’s getting a good old mope on about the seeming fakeness, non-’canonicity’ of life on Earth C. But after some ‘melodramatic contemplating’ in this vein, he’s interrupted by his dad’s car.

I’m going to be very curious if the Meat route explains how all this stuff got into the Earth C universe.

Unfortunately, what John finds in the car is... not his dad, but a bit of Terezi’s blood. From which he concludes... he’s never going to see her again, there was never even a possibility of it.

Feeling derealisation more than ever, John just screams a lot.

Damn lol, this story is making me care about John Egbert of all people!

epilogue 5

This is the episode where the whole idyll comes crashing down. Things aren’t ok, things weren’t going to be ok, trying to pretend things were ok just made everyone miserable.

I am sufficiently depressed that that rather appeals as a narrative - much more than a ‘happily ever after’ ending. But it’s not over yet.

Hopefully there’s yet hope for the characters I like to find some manner of escape from this latest hell, develop out of the worst selves they’ve built... Roxy, at least, I hope can change, stop being this non-person...

[mystt]

so i just spent the last 4 hours doing a fucking marathon read of the candy epilogue (i have not read meat yet just fyi). my brain is full of so much. i havent sat down and read something uninterrupted like that in maybe half a decade. for a lot of it, it was like watching a car crash, i just had to see how THIS fucking bullshit got resolved. but there were moments in it that i genuinely, fully loved, and got me emotional in ways only homestuck can.

i see why a lot of people dont like it. the first 10 pages are legitimately fucking terrible, and seem to exist only to weed out fans who dont want to see their favorite characters just be thoroughly TERRIBLE human beings to eachother. it really drives home this feeling that this is wrong, a doomed timeline from the start. this works brilliantly narratively but it’s legit hard to get thru.

the page describing dirk’s suicide almost made me stop reading altogether from the sheer stupidity of it all. the phrase “ >Kill Yourself.” in that homestuck formatting is just grimdark to the point of parody, which in retrospect is the point i guess? and it makes sense for dirk as a character, really. i get why it happened, it’s the narrative hook that the entire thing hangs off of, but it feels like it’s intentionally presented to be as upsetting as possible. there are a lot of things like that. why does jake get cucked by an evil clown???

and like, why does jade have to be done so dirty in every form of homestuck???? it’s like they intentionally made her to be as fandom wanky as metaphysically possible. why does she sexually assault karkat in the first 10 pages?? why does jade having a dog dick have to be fucking canon now? ‘isn’t that what you sick fucks wanted?’ asks the authors. NO NOT REALLY!

but there really is so much good shit in here, yall. when rose first accompanies kanaya to the breeding pits an is overwhelmed by how much she loves her wife, or roxy and john’s first date, or the bro-sess between john and dave that proceeded it. dave’s amazing eulogy actually had me welling up with tears it was so genuine and beautiful. john and terezi’s relationship is handled so brilliantly. it really makes me remember how much i love their friendship. the whole rebellion subplot and karkat stepping up to be the leader he was always meant to be....and then there’s henry a and vriska, with all of the unforeseen possibilities in them. the moment in john’s old house where he and jake dance to his dad’s old records, fueled by jake’s new-found lease on life and unending optimism is maybe the best jake english-related content ever made. roxy and john’s talk right towards the end, where they finally talk about all the things that had gone unsaid between them for so many years, felt like major catharsis despite not having very long to be built-up.

like a lot of things in regards to homestuck, i have a lot of conflicting feelings right now. i can see why people are writing off the epilogues entirely, and i guess i have another 45 pages to go before i can say anything too conclusive on the matter. a lot of us just want these characters that have suffered for so long and sacrificed so much to be okay, so that we can feel okay in a world that’s constantly collapsing around us. i felt that way, too. and the epilogues are definitely not perfect. i understand why so many creators eventually feel resentment and spite towards their fanbases, but a lot of the stuff in here is straight up malicious. i feel like we as homestuck fans and hussie as homestuck’s creator haven’t been on the same wavelength for a long time, which sucks, because i feel like there exists a perfect form of homestuck somewhere in the middle of that frequency.

but, for what it’s worth, the people behind homestuck want to continue its legacy in a way that speaks true to the comic, and i think they have been mostly successful. i think that the way it was gone about wasn’t perfect, but despite myself, i actually am really excited to start the other half of this thing

[purrhaps]

[2:19 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

i forgot about roxy/john

[2:19 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

im really liking how johns still having mental crises

[2:19 PM]EchoTheThird:

yeah lol

[2:19 PM]EchoTheThird:

like how would you feel after 3 years of being home alone grieving your father and losing your connection with your friends feel and suddenly you were tasked to leave, go back and fight again*(edited)

[2:22 PM]EchoTheThird:

more importantly hes only now, after 3 years, is realizing how dumb he was being for not spending time with everyone

[2:22 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

i

[2:22 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

dont think its been 3 years

[2:22 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

i think its been 5 or 6

[2:22 PM]EchoTheThird:

pretty sure he said that

[2:22 PM]EchoTheThird:

waat

[2:22 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

he was 17 or 18 when homestuck ended

[2:22 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

now hes 23

[2:23 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

and yeah i remember john was having crises at the close of homestuck

[2:23 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

but its nice to like

[2:23 PM]EchoTheThird:

oh fuck my brain read teen years as three years

[2:23 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

see it from his perspective

[2:23 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

since before we couldnt even see john

[2:23 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

last we saw of john, we didnt even see him

[2:23 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

it was jade saying that john didnt want to do anything for his birthday and that he was in his room alone

[2:23 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

last we saw of john, we only heard of john

[2:24 PM]EchoTheThird:

yeah so its like all slapping him in the face at once

[2:24 PM]EchoTheThird:

i love how theyre portraying that

[2:25 PM]EchoTheThird:

like "fuck wait i gotta go? now? wait hold on i just realized im not spending time with everyone but its either i go now or we stop existing?"(edited)

[2:25 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

its slapping us in the face too

[2:25 PM]EchoTheThird:

Yeah omg

[2:25 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

we get to see all of these thoughts the same time john is

[2:25 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

also, the meat and candy is definitely symbolic of his choice

[2:25 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

its not even subtle

[2:26 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

he could just eat both, but at the same time they taste awful together

[2:26 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

but candy is for dessert.

[2:26 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

dessert comes after the meal

[2:27 PM]EchoTheThird:

holy shit youre right, straight up how i felt about homestuck up until this point was depression about it being over and not having an ending we expected

[2:27 PM]EchoTheThird:

or an ending we hoped for

[2:27 PM]EchoTheThird:

we're fucking john

[2:27 PM]EchoTheThird:

and now that the epilogues like

[2:27 PM]EchoTheThird:

"lol no jk we're going on an adventure boi"

[2:27 PM]EchoTheThird:

we're like WAIT HOLD ON WE'RE DOING THIS NOW??

[2:27 PM]EchoTheThird:

IDK IF I HAVE ANOTHER ADVENTURE IN ME.

[2:27 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

I

[2:27 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

AM MORE

[2:27 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

THAN READY

[2:28 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

TO GET MY HEART BROKEN IN FIC FORMAT

[2:28 PM]EchoTheThird:

WELL YEAH OFC WE'RE GONNA PICK MEAT

[2:28 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

im excited

[2:28 PM]honk hooonk it's homestuck day:

this is the excitement i felt playing hiveswap

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 7 - Meat Page 26

==>

Back on to Jade swimming into the singularity or something.  (And trying to stop thinking that maybe Candy ends with a giant polyamorous relationship and/or orgy, because I don’t imagine Rose would have acted so tamely if that’s what she saw.)

Yes, Time is the complement of Space, that was already confirmed in comic if it wasn’t super incredibly obvious all along anyway.

Gah, I’m getting stomach cramps again.

Yeah, too much Space makes Time invisible and vice versa? Or...

Maybe Dave broke her heart a little, and he keeps doing it too, no matter how many different timelines they try out.

D:

God damnit these CRAMPS.  Reading further.

Like a garden, where Jade used to spend so much of her time with her hands in the earth and her head in the clouds, dreaming about flowers that bloomed in six colors and grew when she played them a song. Was that real? It’s hard to tell. But it made her happy, didn’t it?

FUCK are you going to start making me doubt the reality of the liFe we saw her living early in-comic?????  Cut it out, it’s unsettling!

Alright, alt!Callie is taking the reins from Dirk on this narrative he so smugly thought he could completely consume.  That’s good/bad.

slutty adult Jade

FUCKING YIKES!! FUCK YOU DIRK!

FUCK I DIDN’T NEED HER DEATH DESCRIBED IN SUCH DETAIL EITHER.  Also alt!Callie’s really embodying Death here.

==>

Pff.  Calliope’s writing the story now, in a sense, like she always kind of wanted.

Also pff, this version of her doesn’t know how to describe human stuff colorfully.  :)

An adversarial dichotomy between your opposing goals, huh?  This might end up as a “none of us can really write the ending” ending that DOES leave it up in the air for everyone else to decide instead.

Fuck, now you’re having THIS Jade suffer by proxy by experiencing the other Jade’s memories.  This metatextual ascension’s happening to everyone isn’t it.

Yeah, she’s done it before and stuff--

when jade turns to look at roxy, her eyes are completely black.

FUCK.

my presence shall mitigate, if not altogether subdue, the corrosive effect on reality and the will of its occupants by those who would manipulate the way events are telegraphed for their own megalomaniacal objectives.

Well, fuck.  Jade’s been temporarily hijacked for the rest of the story AGAIN, like back in Condesce days, this time as a plot device to keep Dirk from overreaching with his god powers and stepping over everyone’s wills like an Ultimate Riddle style villain.  Dirk, I mean.  Being the villain.  And alt!Callie just doing what she has to to put this back on track.  Man I HATE it when Jade’s will doesn’t get to be on full display.  Her will is awesome.  (Also, alt!Callie just tacitly confirmed that the will of reality’s occupants matters, if that wasn’t obvious already, so ha.)

despite his pretensions to a greater design, the prince of heart cannot be allowed to continue to exert unchecked control over the authoritative recitation of events on this side of my horizon. it cannot be overstated the extent to which he represents a threat to the continued existence of both this world and corporeal life itself.

Yeah, it was indeed looking that way earlier.

Ooh, alt!Callie is really spot-on with her pronoun use.

Alright, Dirk’s voice is shrinking away, and my stomach still feels half-clenched.

Wow, alt!Callie’s really mad at what Dirk’s been doing with this epilogue.

==>

“EPILOGUE FIVE”?????

Did I miss the titles for one, three, and four??? Yeah there were probably there and I just missed them or something.

Pfffff, John looks/smells like shit.  :D

...too fresh??

Fuck you John for thinking Monty Python and the Holy Grail isn’t a masterpiece.  :P

terezi tips her head to one side, with what john personally regards as a cute expression, one he believes is unique to her. whether he’s correct or not, it’s his belief that there is no one else who emotes in this manner. it’s both quizzical and mocking, two descriptors that he considers to be an apt summation of her personality as well.

Niiiiice.  Nice linguistic description of her “>:?” expression.

have no desire to interject thoughts into others’ minds, or to sway intent. nor do i see value in masking the reality of the emotions that i transcribe. this is how he feels. his mind, however, has made a habit of being less clear about his thoughts than i am willing to be.

Oh thank fucking god, I don’t have to question everyone’s thoughts anymore.  Until Dirk comes back or something, I dunno.

Oh my fucking god, alt!Callie, you total voyeuristic nerd.

he fears he is in danger of seeming like the type of creepy human male who is likely to collect large pillows bearing the illustrated images of japanese earth females. to me, this idea means nothing. but it is causing him to sweat.

This is one very relatable snippet of text.

Feed Terezi Feed Terezi Feed Terezi

WHY is the gold tooth poisonous???????  ...Wait, Caliborn affixed it to his mouth intentionally.  He had every right and motive to make it poisonous for no good reason.  Ugh.

Beep beep, let’s find Vriska.

==>

WHAT

WHAT JANE

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING

JESUS

Using Trickster Mode as a drug to further one’s political performance.  That’s fucking horrifying.  No wonder it was on the triggers list.

additionally, it prevents one from dwelling on any given personal problems, or the greater implications of any political statements one might make.

Pff, mhmm.

Problematic, huh?  Jane seems like the slightly-old-fashioned sort of person who thinks it’s getting kind of ridiculously silly how much people are caring about stuff being “problematic”.  And yet that stuff DOES matter, and ignoring it DOES hurt people, and she not only isn’t seeing that but is drugging herself to see it LESS with that goddamned lollipop.  Holy shit.

she turns around promptly, her body jolted by the surprise of her sudden reversal. she bends over, cradles the lollipop reverentially, and situates it carefully in a place signifying respect: atop the mantle, after clearing space for it by shoving several brittle, worthless objects to the floor.

PFFF.  Okay, so alt!Callie ISN’T above altering characters slightly from their narrative course when it comes to one of the few things she deems important.  Heh.

Having “his control of a shared vehicle fully suppressed”, huh?  Does alt!Callie only mean the narrative, or maybe Rose too with whatever weird bullshit he did to her?

Uh, “while the seer both diminishes and ascends”???  D:

--Oh, oh shit.  He was planning to NARRATIVE CONTROL Jake into going along with things.  D: D:

Yeah, Jake would want to bang all the aliens, really.

Sendificator rifle, or something like that.  Got it.

==>

How fucking long is this epilogue, anyway?????  I mean, the length is appropriate from an objective point of view, I’m just frustrated because I’m going to have to spend every waking hour liveblog-reading it until I’ve reached the end or I’m likely to fucking explode, and I didn’t want this to be my entire day/weekend/existence again AAGH HOMESTUCK YOU BLACK HOLE

anyway yaay karkat in a suit.

Alluding to assassination attempts?  What, is that red rifle going to try and fulfill that old “through the silver screen and straight into my heart” unused foreshadowing-herring from act six, or five, or whenever it was? Five, I believe.

Pff, super pacs, yeah.  Dave’s nearly as political as me now or something.  Except he actually acts on it here instead of just sitting around talking about it and thinking he’s right all the time, like me.

Wait, JANE ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH with smearing Jake??!???  Holy shit she’s lost touch.

KARKAT: SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF IS ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS SUBJECT MATTER FOR PRODUCING CAMPAIGN ADS! KARKAT: NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, OR WHAT POINTS YOU’RE TRYING TO MAKE! DAVE: yeah its awesome

Pfffff.

...yeah, Jake isn’t thinking of ANYTHING except Dirk right now, really.

Oh huh, Dirk HAS been as controlling of Jake as he used to be, now that alt!Callie’s pointing it out.  Just with an even more insidious mechanism.

Oh cool, Karkat’s version of the policy pitch!  :D :D :D  Can’t wait can’t wait reading

(dont lie karkat you totally know shes hot)

Pff, stop making it seem obvious that Dirk wanted to assassinate Jake for political purposes.  Heck, even if that WAS his plan it’d just be a temporary death that he’d resurrect from and then they’d try to turn it into... what, some media spin on how Karkat might have been responsible? Or a troll?? That latter part would make things MUCH more xenophobic.  I’m starting to get seriously into the politics of this.

==>

Pff, now ‘rezi’s eating tobacco.

...okay, is Terezi REALLY going to go for a real conversation with just an honest ask for one?  I don’t think so--

--aaand there she goes laughing, as expected.  At least at first.

Yep, Terezi’s wearing the shoes.  Nice date gift.

--And yep, Terezi remembers all that.  She managed to do the nigh-metatextual mind merge with her other selves WITHOUT even needing God-Tier.

Yeah, Vriska always seemed fit to abandon the kismesis you deserved when it suited her, ‘rezi.  :(

JOHN: even worse, i might have tried to fix things MYSELF! TEREZI: OH D34R GOD JOHN: yeah!!!

Yeah I cackled out loud at that.

TEREZI: 34RTH C 1S P3RF3CT 1SNT 1T? TEREZI: BUT NOT FOR YOU TEREZI: YOU DONT *F33L* 1T

john swallows a thick breath. he reminds himself that he never wanted perfection, never asked for it. and yet he feels guilty every day for failing to enjoy it as much as he believes he was supposed to.

Holy shit.  John’s survivor’s guilt from all the doomed timelines he witnessed and escaped is keeping him from feeling their victory has been real, and making his “squandering” of it gut his self-esteem too.  God damnit.

Roxy and John wouldn’t have worked out????? Hey Terezi, quit it! >:[  That’s not fair, just very plausibly and authoritatively dismissing a ship we’d hoped for offscreen like--  Oh, shit, she’s alluding to something that happened in the Candy side I haven’t read isn’t she.  She would DEFINITELY have an idea of what happened on the other side of that Choice Split with her hero role.  Fuck what am I in for

....pfff, that Callie vs Dirk bit.  It’s like revenge against Doc Scratch, which it kind of IS, really.

I didn’t expect this much time to be spent dwelling on really intimate John/Terezi scenes.  It’s really refreshing!  Making this kind of meaningful no matter whether it’s black or inexplicably red they end up with or whatever, and equally meaningful if they don’t end up in any sort of relationship at all, really.

even without the aid of a juju, he is fortunate enough to be blessed with the only true form of divinity. to be released from the prison of nonsensical inhibitions which so often psychologically hobble the more primitive forms of life.

Alt!Callie, are you causing this?  I thought you wanted to be impartial.

Okay, THAT finally brought things suitably closer to the black side of romance like I would have expected.

==>

their finger hovers over dirks number for a moment, but... no. that would not be a good idea. they don’t know why they suddenly think it’s a bad idea. it just is.

Okay, THAT shred of influence is fair.  You DID say you were going to countermand his influence, so yeah.

Good excuse to get narration of her thoughts, if flimsy.  :)

Lord save me from this fake woke nightmare.

Pfffff.  Fuck you, Dirk.  ;)

ROXY: guess ill just open the damn curtains and let some light in here

FUCK you’re going to kill JADE aren’t you???? You’re giving Jade a TEMPORARY DEATH just to deny alt!Callie’s proxy?!?? That’s fucking insidious!  Fuck you, Dirk!!! That one wasn’t a loveable joke this time, that was an ACTUAL fuck you.  This epilogue is really good at making him out to be the villain now that his powers have expanded to the narrative.

Reading reading reading...

...Huh.  Is Roxy talking about coming out as non-binary and getting advice on it?  Hm!

Alright, and she’s defs a little gay for Callie from what she’s saying if it wasn’t clear before.  If “gay” even has any relevance when you’re talking about a pair of non-binary... yeah whatever.  :)

Alright, time to hear Dave talk about it all some more I guess.

--Yep, he’s only mostly gay.  Called it.  There’s a whole spectrum.

...and yeah, I mean... why NOT let it go beyond quadrants with Karkat and never slap an official label on it?  You’re just two people who love each other and want to spend time together in any capacity, be it positive or negative.  It doesn’t have to result in anything formal unless you want it to, much less boning down or something.  Dirk, stop getting creepy with how hard you’re shipping them, that’s the fanbase’s job.

Jade and Roxy are visible from this location, right?  Wasn’t it mentioned that they live in a tower in Carapaceville or whatever?  Has Dirk successfully conned alt!Callie into having her vessel shot through?  Probably.

the ongoing corruption of his cerebrally impaired daughter.

Eewwwwweweewww

Anyway yeah here comes the plot twist or whatever...

Yeah, Callie gets it wrong, and--

......ah, a tranq?  That makes more sense and is more than slightly less evil, if still ultimately evil given his eventual presumed goals or whatever.

DIRK: Like the bitch she is.

FUCK YOU

Oh, Jade’s going to be asleep for the rest of the story?  AGAIN?!????  FUCK YOU SO MUCH, DIRK.

Jesus christ.  How long is this epilogue anyway.

Taken your leave?  From this planet???  What the fuck, are you--

Oh.  Oh shit.

When Dirk ascended into absorbing the memories of all his various split selves, did he get a heaping helping of DOC SCRATCH in there too???  Was Doc Scratch’s ambition actually for POST-victory ascension in this very manner? FUCK.  Either way, him sharing some of those memories puts a pretty unique spin on his descent into goddamn evil, here.

Reading on... oh shit, did Callie write the candy half??

==>

Huh, postcoital; we actually went there.  Cool.

Ah, she gives up on Vriska?  Better find Vriska really fast, then.

Oh, you’re really going? Or, trying, anyway.

==>

Really committed to this whole ascending to literal godhood schtick, aren’t you, Dirk?

(Hm.  Makes me almost think that this situation with Rose is going to end up with someone splitting her essence entirely in two to save her; her raw Seer-ness getting forced into a convenient vessel (cueball, wonk wonk) and herself returning to consciousness a slight bit more mortal than she was before, ie not going completely insane.  Hmm.)

Oh, “Vast Fuck” sorta-maybe-confirmed..??

Stop tacitly insulting Jake as you puppet him, Dirk.  He’s a dumbass but not THAT much of a dumbass.

beta-bitch

FUCK YOU, DIRK.

She loves you, Jake, more than anything, and you toyed with her heart. 

Fuuuuuuck you.

could subsume your entire personality

Shit, he IS trying to pretty much consume them all.  Swallow their individuality and take total control of all their actions.  All Prince of Heart on the whole world.  Dirk you need to fucking DIE.

And to love Dirk is to obey him.

There isn’t a Fuck You large or loud enough to what I feel about the mental violation Dirk is inflicting on Jake right now, and everyone else around him, and I sincerely and selfishly hope this epilogue is almost over because I don’t want too many pages to stand between this one and seeing Dirk fucking PAY.

Jake opens his big, dumb mouth to make the only important contribution to the plot he ever has or ever will make in his whole sad, pointless joke of a life.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU

Let’s hope that in your hubris your looking away managed to let him say something different or some such.

==>

You try to remember if you’ve ever been revived by Jane before. You honestly can’t recall. So much shit has happened. Maybe?

Yeah, I don’t recall either really.

The poison needling through you is antithetical to narrative relevance. You’re not dying, John. You’re being erased. Cherubs don’t fuck around. We’ve both been learning that the hard way.

Okay, fuck?  How the hell?  Is this just because Dirk says it is, or???

I guess it’s tragic, though maybe not in the conventional sense. My view is, the real tragedy with you, John, is that you never mattered all that much.

Yeah, Dirk’s first fucking rant when he took over the narrative officially was about John being a you-insert nobody average guy, and the DISDAIN he shows to everything about who John is is pretty goddamn insulting.  He has NO concept of how John managed to bring everyone together or... UGH!

even though you knew both then and now that it was the only choice you possibly could have made.

Dammit, so it probably WASN’T a full timeline-bisecting Mind split.  Just a side branch that wasn’t as likely, because just like with his Denizen, John’s will was tilted toward this part of the choice.  D:

I see how some of this seems to be going, or at least think I do... Dirk thinks that John needs to die heroically “for the good of the story”, and something’s potentially going to come in and say “no”?  That the whole reason they WON was to essentially be free of that cruel logic once and for all, and that Dirk is gonna get one hell of a smackdown for trying futilely to enforce it in their new post-victory domain??

She listens to him bleed while she smells him die.

--That, and fulfilling bits of foreshadowing for shits and giggles.  >:(

Huh, “friable”, didn’t even know that was a word.  Just looked it up; you learn something new every day.

Okay what is Dirk planning with the fucking body.

==>

Jane swept the election, of course. I told you I was going to win. After Jake’s incoherent and scandalous heel-turn at Karkat’s ill-fated rally, no amount of esoteric, three-dimensional jpeg artefacts could have salvaged the Vantas campaign. 

Ah, but is that what REALLY happened, or what you’re saying happened, about to be overwritten?

Mainly that their BFF Jade has been in a coma for an entire month. They’ve been in and out of the hospital handling her affairs. Her next of kin is listed as John Egbert, and no one’s seen him in ages. It’s like he just disappeared suddenly. Like some great hand came out of the sky and crossed his name off the big list of guys we ever need to give a shit about anymore.

F U C K  Y O U

Roxy, after all, and since her big heart-to-heart about the personal politics of queer onion metaphors, and ten stages of galaxy-braining through the many vicissitudes of the phrase “no homo,” Roxy has decided to really step up her gender experimentation. I guess at this point she’s gone beyond Stage Ten. Which I imagine is somewhat like reaching Super Saiyan 2 of gender, and then going even further beyond.

Holy crap, she’s going full Dave Lalonde.  That’s pretty sweet.

...Isn’t Terezi like obviously covered in blood and stuff?

ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls

Oh my fucking GOD real!Callie please save the plot.  Nuke this self-indulgent Dirkshit.

ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um ROXY: nudity???? TEREZI: >:? ROXY: yeah yikes ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit ROXY: anyway thats kept callie kinda busy

...This is an allusion to the Candy side I haven’t read, isn’t it?  Maybe THAT’s part of what she supplants this bullshit with.  Or since it mentions “various combinations”, she’s restoring the possibility to everything that the ending was supposed to have?

This is potentially a real fucking indictment of the idea of a narrative-driven ending when what actually mattered was the characters’ escape from said narrative.  :)

ROXY: its like theyre traumatized ROXY: and they think ill drag whatever possessed jade back into our home with me

Okay fuck maybe Callie ISN’T helping.  Maybe she’s just so worried about the alternate history she could have lead that she’s retreating into every Candy-like fanfic she can think of.  :(

What’s with the phone buzz?  The intervention we’ve been hoping for, since Dirk’s making her ignore it?

Oh cool, figures Terezi’s been hearing the narrative all along and just politely not acknowledging the fact that she hears it!  Maybe SHE’LL help unfuck this mess.  (And according to her, Roxy’s gone full “him” too!)

Fuck fuck fuck Terezi don’t listen to him go against his bullshit instead

Where, canon? Is that where you’re planning to escape back to or some such, with yourself as the author? Is that orange Andrew actually you or some BS?

Dammit.

==>

FUCK, “new body”????

The new body I’ve made for her won’t have much use for her usual ensembles. That’s all I was saying.

FUCK FUCK FUCK it IS the cueball isn’t it.  Holy shit.  That’s even worse than a robot.  FZUCZK

Okay calm down.  The Rose part of Rose can be cut away and rescued from this fate somehow, if she isn’t just whole-hog rescued entirely which would also be good.  FUCK DIRK

...look purple? What?

DIRK: What’s happening here is the best thing for everybody.

Yeah, go fuck yourself.  This shit had better be undone soon.

To finally face the truth. If Rose has been spending more time with me than you, if she’s realizing she resonates more with me due to our natural similarities and finds my presence more rewarding than yours, then what does that say about YOU, Kanaya?

PFFFF. YOU’RE GONNA BREAK UP THE PAIRING JUST SO YOU CAN STEAL HER?  HAHAHAHAHAHA NO.

Okay, after THAT page’s last bit of horrid manipulation, this can’t end in any way that doesn’t involve ages of existential and literal torment for Dirk, forever.

==>

Epilogue Seven, huh.  One last thing he wants to take care of before getting out of dodge, huh.  I see Karkat and Dave’s text colors on screen.  Is he going to try to force them to finally bone down or confess?  This would be the perfect place for his plan to get fucking stopped.

Homestuck, stop making my fucking stomach clench so hard.

That’s a hell of a disaster Dirk thought up for these guys on that stage.

Part of this whole shitshow might be to tell us that this ending, this “fanfic” of dubious authenticity of an epilogue that Dirk is giving us is how DIRK believes it would end best for everyone involved, but not how everyone else would, ignoring their wills... while also discarding the idea of the epilogue that any individual reader of Homestuck would want in favor of the possibilities he meant to leave open with the ending.

Alright, here comes Dirk NOT forcing them to bone down but rather trying to persuade-brainwash them into a relationship talk.

DAVE: so what youre saying is you believe in me who believes in you

Dave. Please.

Hey, the Gurren Lagaan reference went WAY too long unsaid.  Even if Andrew literally didn’t know a thing about said anime when he made the character designs.

I look Dave right in his mind’s eye and tell him to cut it the fuck out. He wants it, you want it, so just go for it, my man. It’s now or never.

DAVE: oh DAVE: same

I feel every brain cell in my immortal body begin to perish in real time.

BAAHAHAHAAHHhahahha FUCK YOU Dirk.

I mean, I want Dave and Karkat together as much as the next guy but FUUUUUUUCK YOU DIRK!!! I want everything you ever wanted to go wrong and shit on you.  Their equivocating soft-nearly-mance is strong enough to go even against you, who thinks yourself the narrative fucking Sun.

Oh this is fantastic

I’ve literally been decapitated and that was less unbearable than this.

YES KEEP FALLING APART

You see that twinkle? That’s devotion, you unbelievably dense neutron star of a dumbshit.

Nice callback to... what was it, Dave’s first rant at Tavros to troll him back or whatever?

radially effervescing kaleidoscope of more hot boy peckers than you could ever imagine.

Yep, DEFINITELY a callback to that. I’ll never forget the sick flow of that metaphor.

DAVE: i just keep having thoughts i know id never think

SAVE US DAVE

Dammit, near miss.

The privilege of a Strider Eye Moment is about the most earth-shattering experience a young man will ever have in his life. 

Pfff

DAVE: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD AND JUST LET ME DO THIS MYSELF!!!

yaaaaaayyy

I mean we didn’t save the whole story yet but at least Dirk got fucked over and we still get Davekat intimacy.

That’s pretty classy actually, not getting into detail and just sounding blown the fuck away by it even though he’s Dirk.  That’s pretty good.

==>

Something about the height of Rose, roughly Rose-shaped, and wrapped in a cloth. I know she’s gonna love it the first time she sees it.

Oh so it IS a robot body.  Well, fuck you a little less than it potentially being the magic cueball, but STILL fuck you.

I may have already mentioned, but I’m a bit too deft at this for my own good. Doing the thing where I tug at the part of someone’s latent thought process that already knows they adore me. That if someone would just pull the stops from their sense of inhibition, they’d realize they would do anything for me.

It’s called killing their soul with your role abilities you ASSHOLE

I hope this crush you filled him with bites you in the fucking ass now that he’s here.

DIRK: I won’t be coming back, Jake.

Oh, so you’re just going to drop the truth on him like that? Let’s see how that works out for you, asshole.

DIRK: Jane needs you now more than ever.

Oh fuck you.  This is “best for everyone”, huh?????

DIRK: You’ll just be, you know. DIRK: Her candy boy? JAKE: CANDY BOY??? DIRK: Yeah. Being on call. DIRK: Serving a multimillion-year term of giving her the right kind of “presidential action” she needs to keep going. To keep her morale up and such. DIRK: To provide her with many heirs. DIRK: Doesn’t that sound cool? JAKE: HEIRS??

Um.  What the fuck?  Is this even Dirk anymore?  It’s not Condesce intervention, I’m not going to try and suspect that just from the callback or anythiiiii-----

Fuck, we DID just get an alive Meenah dropped into a universe somewhere.

Maybe this IS Condesce intervention. Just a different Condesce.  o_O

Two ticks longer than he ever deserved.

Gah???

DIRK: But I’ll never let you break my heart again.

So this was all just revenge for dumping him??????????????

==>

Guh, back to Kanaya-- wait, why does Dirk want Terezi around, anyway?

Jade wakes up and then-- Okay. Okay my eyes flitted down to the green halfway down the page and I saw this phrase before I actually got to it.

JADE: DIRK STRIDER HAS TO BE STOPPED!!!!!!!!!!

Thank FUCK.

Anyway reading the in-between...

The scope of her awareness, she now understands, is truly staggering. Memories are suddenly accessible that are almost impossible to believe. Some of them are unspeakably marvelous to her. Others, deeply disturbing.

FUCKING COOL she got Ultimate-Selved!  Now she knows too much about what’s going on to stop her!  Get fucked, Dirk!!!!

No, more than just disturbing. She lingers in the dark recesses of her consciousness. There were things she saw, things she was told... Her mouth twists into a silent snarl. She’s been angry plenty of times before. But never so angry that she stopped being cute. She’s not cute this time.

YEAAAAAHHH JADE GET ANGRY

This had better not be Dirk intentionally riling her up since he still has control of the narrative though.

Next post.