#im going to give Terry Pratchett-esque summaries at the top like that

[paragonrobits]

instead of reading Meat all in one go like i did with Candy, I’m gonna do a liveblog of it; writing my reactions down as I go, covering a few pages, and posting the results later!

here is the first one, in which John makes a decision, Karkat and Dave discuss politics, and Jane’s business skills are called into question. Also, Obama fanfic is canon to this iteration of timelines, it would seem.

Well, Candy was an absolute trip-scape and a half so how horrific can Meat be? A lot, probably.

That last scene with Roxy and Calliope, oh no oh NOOOOO this is tragic and super sad, and he just makes an awkward mess of himself?? Roxy was hoping he wouldnt go? And he just makes it SO AWKWARD. HE TRIES TO HUG THEM GOODBYE BUT THEY’RE ALREADY TURNED AWAY. HE MADE THE CHESS PEOPLE EMBARRASSED. This poor, unfortunate goober.

Leaving letters to his friends, OH DEAR.

Karkat likes the Jake butt, i did not see that coming. Then again, the Harley butt is undoubtedly the most hypnotic. Science facts, people.

Rap battle and robot wrestling sounds pretty fuckawesome honestly

I have to ask; what exactly is WITH the epilogue’s treatment of Jane as Condesce 2.0? With her being a troll-hating fascist that Karkat and Dave are super suspicious of? Like, I can see it as being something she accidentally stumbles into as part of her Super Captalist vibes, but… it’s just being presented as a Jane thing from the get-go and she has never shown ANY signs of this at all. Granted, Jane has had the least interactions with trolls, but she has no real NEGATIVE interactions with them apart from Sober Gamzee, but that had nothing to do with him being a troll, just all Caliborn-ish. This whole ‘Jane is a xenophobic fascist’ thing just is coming out of nowhere and I don’t like that.

“Jane is a xenophobe” “a lot of humans are!” okay karkat, honestly that’s fair. I mean have you seen most of our sci fi? Most of it is either about humanity being ultra superior or aliens being evil, or both. 40k alone is gonna be a strike against us, i can tell you that

KARKAT YOU ARE TOO A LEADER, NOW SHUT UP AND DO THE FRIENDLEADER, TAKE BACK THE TITLE FROM WHICH YOU BEQUATHED TO VRISKA, SHE PROCEEDE TO DO FUCKALL WITH IT.

“People don’t love me!” dont you break my heart, karkat, DONT YOU DO IT!!! DONT, JUST DONT; in all honesty, i love that we ARE getting more of karkat getting back to leader basics, though i totally missed that apparently he thoguht it was about commanding fear and respect? Considering he named his team Adorabloodthirsty, getting FEAR from people isn’t exactly something i associate with crab boi

Homestuck has brought us the phrase “freestyle obama fanfiction”, i am not suprised

“That didn’t involve the american political landscape turning into a nightmarish daily joke” AHAHAHAHA oh man, dave, oh man. Oh man. OH MAN. you missed out on some SHIT LET ME FUCKIN TELL YOU

I am still convinced that Dave and Karkat, and the rest, genuinely have no idea that the Mayor, for all his sweetness, is honestly kind of an acerbic asshole when he DOES communicate. Maybe that’s why they love him so much though

I gotta ask, though. How the hell DID humans get into a dominant position in the government?? Trolls live longer than them, they have immense physical and psionic power, and they have to outnumber the humans pretty significantly. I mean, there ARE more human gods than trolls so that might give humans something of a cultural authority, but by that logic the carapacians should be more dominant since THEY (or at least, the Mayor and company) founded the society in the first place. And what the hell is this stuff about hummans being more naturally ambitious? I mean they might come off that way because they’re being contrasted against consorts and carapacians, who are engineered to be generally group-thinkers, but c’mon

Psst, hey. Did you remember that ALTERNIA IS NOT THE DEFAULT STATE OF TROLLKIND. ALTERNIA IS IN NO WAY A NATURAL SOCIETY. IT IS THE RESULT OF AN ALL POWERFUL MANIPULATOR WORKING BEHIND THE SCENES TO ENGINEER A SOCIETY, AT EVERY LEVEL, TO BE RUTHLESS AND BRUTAL. BEFORUS IS THE NATURAL STATE OF TROLLS; it wasn’t PERFECT but if you go by how they wound up without interference, trolls should be winding up as a culture of coddling and easy-going caretakers. In-universe they sohuld GODDAMN KNOW THAT, COME ON

Okay, this confirms something for me, though; this is a post scarcity society. They dont NEED TO SPEND MONEY ON ANYTHING. THERE IS LITERALLY NO REASON FOR WEALTH OR MONEY TO EXIST IN ANY FORM WHATSOEVER. So why even bother with the pretense? What is the POINT of people having jobs if all resources and products can be produced on the spot??? Like your wealth is meaningless, Dave, and honestly you have to know that and you’re keeping it going because its part of your aesthetic to fuck around and amuse yourself with the knowledge that its pointless to care about valueless money but, STILL. SERIOUSLY. It does illustrate his point that Jane doesn’t realy know what she’s doing when it comes to business, though

(im not saying that Terezi needs to be here and just leaving Vriska to her own devices and hanging out with Dave and Karkat and helping them build a better world and making bizarre comebacks but… she does, someone do an AU of ‘President Karkat and Terezi is his terrifyingly charismatic vice president’ please

...okay but WHY is the world seeming to follow the American political system. I mean, why though

I dont know why but it really makes me happy that the Dirk Decapitatio Meme is actually canon. I mean, not like in the Candy route. That was fucked up beyond all recognition.