#is this a shitpost? I'm not sure. A baby post if you will

[marimayscarlett]

Concept of this post: Pictures of Richard my one year old daughter pointed at while violently smashing my keyboard to navigate through Pinterest.

Interesting choice, I see appreciation for his spiky hair, three stars for this selection ⭐⭐⭐

[moongothic]

...I... I do not know what on earth compelled me to make this nor why, but I will not be taking criticism at this time

[shirecorn]

Shirecorn's Ponyverse Masterpost

So for the last 2 months I've fixated on doing redesigns based somewhat loosely on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I've had so much fun filling in the gaps and extrapolating until my version is less of a redesign and more of an AU.

"Ponies" are three species of sentient hoofed creatures that populate Equestria. They worship giant goddesses that fill the sky and ferry the moon and sun across the world.

Tag navigation

#Shire draws mlp - drawings only. Leaves out the lore

#Skyscraper gods lore - drawings, posts, and asks that expand on the world. Talks about biology, genetics, ritual, society, politics, religion, but mostly creature design and magic.

#Skyscraper Gods - Art, asks, posts, and fanart! Everything to do with both my little pony canon and my version of things. Includes drawings without lore, and lore without drawings. This is the tag to browse to make sure you see it all

Characters

In progress: Discord

○ The Mane Six ○ All Alicorns,

○ Rarity ○ Fluttershy ○ Flutterbat ○ Applejack ○ Pinkie Pie ○ Pinkie Pie Pegasus ○ Rainbow Dash ○ Twilight Sparkle ○ Raritwi ○ Spike

○ Princess Celestia + Princess Luna ○ Princess Cadance + Shining Armor + Flurry Heart ○ Sunset Shimmer ○ Sunburst ○ Apple Bloom + Scootaloo + Sweetie Belle (Cutie Mark Crusaders) ○ Big Macintosh/Ochard Blossom (she is a woman) ○ Granny Smith ○ Mr & Mrs Cake + Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake ○ Maud Pie + Mudbriar ○ Trixie Lulamoon + Starlight Glimmer ○ Cozy Glow ○ Zephyr Breeze ○ Escape Room Guy + Dusty Pages ○ Berry Punch/Berryshine ○ Vapor Trail ○ Bulk Biceps ○ Tempest Shadow ○ Flim and Flam ○ Queen Chrysalis + Thorax + Ocellus (Changelings) ○ Autumn Blaze (kirin) ○ Rain Shine (kirin leader) ○ Sky Beak (hippogriff) ○ Starcatcher and Skywishes (G3)

Lore

○ The 3 pony species ○ Breeding/genetics ○ The 4 Alicorns stories ○ Gods of non-pony species? Seapony god? ○ Unicorn Horns: Starlight physics, Different shapes, Alicorn horns, Horn colors, ○ Where did Spike come from? (1) (2) ○ Your daughter has won the favor of God (fic) ○ Nightmare moon playlist ○ Cutie marks are cultural not physical: (1) (2) ○ Starlight Glimmer's hometown and her cult ○ Alicorns don't fit inside buildings ○ Discord is a headache to behold ○ Government in the world of gods ○ Gender and matriarchy ○ Scootaloo's flightless disability ○ Equestria Girls Vs Skyscraper Gods, existential horror ○ Pinkie Pie breaks the forth wall because she hopped worlds once ○ Vampire fruit bat ecology and virus ○ How ponies caught it

Meta

○ Using Skyscraper Gods as inspiration (2) ○ Why I like expanding on MLP: its simplicity ○ MLP Creature designs are already good ○ If you don't like my designs ○ I'm just having fun: (1) (2) ○ Mane 6 doodle to finished design ○ After ponies ○ Designing based on birds and animals ○ Starcatcher dove

Shitposts and Doodles

○ My fursona in mlp style ○ Daytime! Nighttime! ○ Baby god ○ Local horse fistfights the sun ○ Shining armor alicorn ○ Sunset shimmer becomes god (2) ○ Poodle rarity ○ Zephyr Breeze thinks RD is a man ○ Season 9 ○ Why is EQ an hour long ○ Being held at gunpoint to watch Equestria Girls ○ World's gayest dash ○ 18 pounds of crake

Fanart by others

○ Fanart tag

Commissions

○ People request a lot and that normal ○ Prices are low because I'm already fixated

Ko-fi requests || Classic commissions

Shirecorn Discord

Join any tier of my patreon to access my art discord

○ See WIPs, discussion, the occasional meltdown, and more ○ The content is all done through discord, so if the patreon looks dead it's all just on the server instead.

I hope you enjoy seeing my MLP creations as much as I enjoy making them!

[aziraphales-library]

Lost Fic #191

1. Hi! Yesterday I found a highly specific fic on tumblr and i started reading it, but I lost it and somehow I can't find it in my history. I had found it on tumblr, under somebody shitposting that crowley and aziraphale decide who tops or bottoms every evening based on who received the check... the actual fic's plot is that one evening they're dining and crowley tries to joke that waiters always give him the check because they think he tops, but he took for granted that Aziraphale hadn't understood the joke so he laughs it off, but Aziraphale DID and he gets irritated about it. They go to Aziraphale's place, they try to talk it out and smut ensues. I think Aziraphale says at one point "I don't always want to be your stupid friend". But I'm sure there was a reversed wall slam. Help me if you can, please?? - anon

2. Hello! I am looking for a lost fic that I couldn't find in my AO3 history or your tags :( It's Aziraphale POV, takes place mostly in the bookshop. Aziraphale is excited to make a human friend who asks what A.Z. Fell stands for, and Aziraphale panics and says "Anthony." Human friend asks Aziraphale to a lecture (or the like) and Aziraphale says yes not realizing it's a date. Crowley overhears him being called Anthony and cracks up, and human friend mistakes A and C for a couple. If you or any of your followers know what this fic is I'd be so grateful! Thank you! - @smallspaceplant

3. Hi guys, first off I'd like to thank you for all the love and effort you put here, and it's helped me loads! I'm looking for a fic that I read a long, long time ago. It was so long ago that it might have been posted on ff.net, I really can't remember. I'd like to think I've read it about 10 years ago, but can't be sure. What I do remember is that Aziraphale fell and went with the name Zira or maybe Zirah, favored a cane with intricate carvings that Crowley(not that name though) gave him, and he used that to, a, sort a problem with the extra baby, and Crowley(or whatever his angelic name was) found blood on it and was understandably freaked out. Does anyone remember this fic? - anon

4. Hello! I’m looking for a fic and I only have a vague recollection of some scenes so I completely understand if you can’t pin it down! It’s 100% book omens, and I’m pretty sure it was written before the show came out. I’m also pretty sure it’s less than 10k words. Crowley and Aziraphale sleep together for the first time and the next morning Crowley is having Thoughts about whether this was considered a temptation. Aziraphale shuts it down and kisses him again. They show each other their wings. In the end, they kind of go their separate ways but agree to meet up again some time in the future. Again, sorry for the lack of details! - anon

5. Hi! I’m looking for a fic where god sends Aziraphale to another timeline? Or something? Because the apocalypse happened and god said something about him being happy and Aziraphale can’t be happy without Crowley (I think Crowley became a star after death) He ends up being polite but super distant with Crowley in this new timeline bc Crowley’s last words were to leave him alone Begging for anyone to help🧎🏻‍♀️- anon

If you know any of these fics please include the number in your reply! Thank you :)

- Mod D

[graspingremlinhands]

Gather around ye all

I wish I could bring to you, friends and mutuals a story. But 1: I'm supposed to study for an exam and 2: writer's block a bitch.

So to avoid gnawing at my own stomach and find peace I decide to bring a Wip to life with the ancient art of ⚡️SHITPOSTING⚡️

Make it out something out of whetever this will be and I hope you all enjoy yourself

Tw: long post

A new challenger appears. Who will be?

The two goliaths start throwing at each other their best blows. But there'd be only a winner. But in the meantime

Hold on your horses, something is about to change. For the better?

1/3 of Dad is not happy, what about the other two?

Back at Ghidorah

What are they talking about?

Ghidorah sure wasn't ready for this meeting

Some daddy issues *chef kiss*

"It's a pleasure to see you too, Father"

Life is not so daijoubu but at least they got a baby-sitter for the next century or two.

*facepalms*

Aaaaaaaaand the curtain close!!!

Thank you all for being here, for lend me your eyes and see ya in time(hopefully with something less neurotic)

Shout out to @goldenscalez and @the-fallen-starr

No pressure my friends, it just to say hello and wish you a good laugh./gen

P.s I purposely chose the godzilla meme for Ghids dada.

[blackberrygingerale]

" WITH THIS TREASURE, I SUMMON ,,, "

☸︎ TED , M19

BUT I THINK I'M LIKING HER MORE

☸︎ top! male reader content, potentially dark content, NSFW content, 𝐌𝐃𝐍𝐈, 18+ ONLY, yandere blog, smut blog

☸︎ will not write: strange bodily fluids (piss, scat, vomit, etc), pedophilia, incest, fem! reader, bottom! reader

☸︎ if you aren't sure if I'd write something, you can ask for clarification in dms or the ask box

SHE DOES THE THINGS I NEVER ASK FOR

☸︎ my thirst/oneshot blog where I take requests

☸︎ all rights reserved to @blackberrygingerale , don't try to claim my work as your own or cross-post to other websites, it's not appreciated nor viewed as a compliment or something

YOU CAN TOUCH AND FEEL

☸︎ request status: OPEN

☸︎ masterlist (coming soon)

☸︎ second blog

JUST DON'T GET IN THE WAY

☛ 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝗺𝐞𝐫𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝗼𝐰 𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐧 (admin/book keeping)

☛ 𝐝𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝗼𝐠𝐬 (shitposts, random thoughts)

☛ 𝐧𝐮𝐞 (reblogs)

☛ 𝗼𝐫𝗼𝐜𝐡𝐢 (requests)

☛ 𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐞 (baby thirsts, drabbles, ~500 words)

☛ 𝗺𝐚𝐡𝗼𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐚 (longer works, oneshots, etc, >500 words)

divider credits:

@/cafekitsune

vixen - ayesha erotica

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

I want to thank you so much for your post. I also know how it is to feel lonely. I guess we'll be lonely together and then maybe it will help the loneliness go away

Oh, lovely maggot. I'm sorry you've had to feel lonely too. But you're right, if we're both lonely, then it has to help, doesn't it?

Loneliness can be so many things. It can be white noise in the background, poetic in a bittersweet way. It can hit you all at once in the middle of a laugh, a kick in the throat that reminds you how you actually feel.

It can be standing in the middle of a crowd and smiling and feeling disoriented, like the world is fuzzy at the edges and you're not entirely there. It can be sitting alone on the floor in the middle of the night and holding yourself tightly because maybe if you press hard enough that empty space will close up.

It can be sitting with people you love and who love you, and realising you have less and less in common with them as the years pass.

I've felt all those kinds of lonely, and then some. Often more than one at once. I'm sure a lot of you have too. It's not fun. It's not fair. It really fucking sucks. But if there are all those types of loneliness, maybe there are different types of togetherness too.

Togetherness can be so many things, too. It can be white noise in the background, something you're sure of, that you're not alone, even if you don't think about it.

It can be holding someone you love tightly in your arms and being held just as tightly back. It can be laughing at a shitpost on this hellsite, and knowing how many people are laughing along with you, and how you have this one moment of ridiculous joy in common.

It can be catch-ups once a week or month or year, letting you know that though you're out of touch, you're remembered and cared for. It can be a greeting to a stranger on the street, to a cashier, to a bus driver, a reminder of how many humans are living along with you.

It can be a friend whom you've never met and don't know their name, or age, but you know they're the best part of your day and you open your phone to see what they've sent you with a smile.

It can be a fandom, people bonding over their love for a story, and creating endless more. It can be a book where the author puts into words just what you've been feeling all along.

It can be a human or a dog or a cat or a crow that looked greedily at your breakfast cereal. Even the tiniest thing can mean comfort. Here's a poem by Robert Frost, called the Dust of Snow:

Plus a baby crow photo, because we all need a baby crow glaring at a camera from time to time. I'm sorry to my Indian maggots, this poem might have brought back some high school trauma, but it is a beautiful one.

You're not alone. Even the littlest things can mean you're not alone. I love you all, my maggots, and I'm here for you.

[rarepairnation]

hi abby!! you love talking abt your fics? well, as it happens, i LOVE listening to people talk abt their fics *high-fives you* so hereee u go: 8, 17, 23, 24, 33 and 40 :)

hiiii ria thank you <333 [high fives you back] this is a beautiful synergy we are living...sorry this took me several days i just kept not having a shareable last line. for every we're so back there is always an it's so over. we're here now and that's what matters LOL

8. share the last line that you wrote

you have kept me waiting, my lord steward, she says when his footsteps stop, his reflection hovering just out of reach of her mirror.

well this is NOT umbar fic OR condolences congratulations. one day i will learn to finish one thing before i start another. but it is set in a slightly alternate version of the same reality. this is the crazy forty years later everyone lives au where aragorn is king and denethor is his steward and finduilas is actually the one running the place. it’s just an excuse for me to write “what if we made our healthy loving political marriage a messier and more political v-shape because you just HAD to officially get back together with your situationship from when you were 25 and oh he just HAPPENS to be the king.” they are shockingly functional about it (i do not know if i could call it healthy. but it is Incredibly High-Functioning and They Are Having Fun. so who am i to stop them!). conceptually/vibes-wise this is the result of my mind stirring around "their wives know the steward serves the king, and sometimes that goes beyond matters of state" (like truly...WHOA boy. that knocked me flat. @bretwalda-lamnguin i WILL respond to that post eventually i have things to say they just have to marinate a little longer) + regent!finduilas as a concept and an Energy + finduilas's general pure concentrated "i can fix him" beam + also going on a tangent off of anna @potatoesandsunshine's "our marriage is already bad enough what if we ruined someone else's life with it" theory. and this came out.

17. what is your favourite trope to write

NAMES AND TITLES AND MANNERS OF ADDRESS BABY!!! that shit is like drugs for me. whenever i'm messing around with it i feel like i am at the very height of caring about and understanding my own work i KNOW that sounds obnoxious as hell but like. aghhhhh. im in there THINKING. about specifically when and where and how one manner of address might shift to another and whether that is different inside the narration and out loud and what each name and title means in which situation. yeah im normal about hierarchies why do you ask.

23. where do you usually write

my beloved local coffeeshop down the street from my apartment! i am there as i write this. my regular barista often makes fun of me bc he sees me running for the train in the morning bc i am perpetually late for work. unfortunately the earliest i can make it out of the house in the evening is 7 and they close at 9 but it’s a good two hours. then it’s off to my friends’ apartment (they’re my downstairs neighbours i basically also live there) for like another two hours. yeah i do this every day. i am aware i am insane but it is the only way i get anything done.

24. which fic do you think is your funniest

hmm. i feel like im not often intending to be particularly funny. wait no its definitely open arms. “sokka, panicking: you like guys!” is literally in the description. i wrote it bc of a shitpost. WOW that is possibly the throwback of all time. that’s like the first fic i wrote back when i started getting really Good at writing because i was wildly hyperfixated on avatar and it was covid and i wrote 100k in a year. well well well

33. which of your fic titles is your favourite

ok i did do this one but im gonna give a runner up. TO THE VERY DEAR MEMORY OF [ ] is a personal fave for sure bc it's. idk nontraditional? well it's based off of this image and it took me a long time of testing different things before i figured out a way to appropriately represent that erasure of the name on the headstone by the water...the sensation that there Used to be something there, that there was Supposed to be something there, but all that is left is the water. and i'm very pleased by the effect of the brackets and how it looks on the ao3 page. it just brings me a lot of joy to let myself kind of fuck around and do whatever i think is cool. im trying so so so hard to internalize "get weird with it!" and its the baby steps out here.

40. pick one of your fics and share a quote to go with it (not a quote from the fic, but an outside quote that fits)

ooh ok a throwback. race for a hurricane (speaking of the titles/names/manners of address trope this is my BEST execution of it) + "the french have a saying: the fate of glass is to break. maybe the fate of spies is to just fade away. but with any luck, we leave something behind" -spectre, 2015. im getting that last line tattooed someday.

fic writer asks

[happyk44]

Can I learn more about the freshwater babies of Neptune? their abilities, character, behavioral traits, and your original characters. It's so interesting, I want more.

Haha, sure! Let's start with the freshwater guppies! Some possible powers:

Creating and stopping rain

Advanced healing with water, so they have an easier time healing other people

Purifying any liquid they come across

Turning available fluids into water (reverse of the water into wine Jesus trick, lol)

Creating droughts (because droughts are oft linked to rainfall)

Obviously the stormy fingerlings can do all of the above as well, but the freshwater fry are the ones who are most instinctive to it, and vice versa. For example, with the rain - the stormchasers may have a harder time making it only rain without adding a turbulent element.

The non-saline alevins are typically more social, have softer vocal tones, and don't mind helping people. Not all freshwater is drinkable without treatment, so sometimes they're a little awkward upon first meeting, but consistent interaction can help make them palatable.

Where anger may be one of the more easily and commonly felt, and stronger emotion in the Poseidon kids and Neptune's mini tempests, it's less abrupt in the baby wells. They have a slower buildup to rage, tend to be more gentle. But when rage does hit them, it's a sudden downpour causing soil erosion and destroying crops. However, they're often more clear-headed than their volatile counterparts.

Under certain circumstances, they can become a vicious sea type of child, but it does not go the other way (storm into freshwater). Melpomene is an example of this! She started out as a gentle caring person, but childhood abuse pushed her into becoming a hurricane as a defense mechanism. She doesn't recall being potable, as a result. Of course, not all the potables grow into brackish waves.

They enjoy summer (Neptunalia!) the most. Mentioned before but in the past, they would travel from town to town at the peak of summer to help refill freshwater sources and clear up droughts. They'd do so by dancing and singing in honour of their father. On the day of the actual festival, they'd be revered and treated with utmost importance. As Neptune became more associated with the sea, this practice was seen less and less as they began to associate his offspring with undrinkable salt and became unnerved by their presence at a time when water was already lacking.

They're not the biggest fans of the sun though. Excess heat dries up water, and the sun blocks the rain clouds.

Like all Neptune and Poseidon children, they can be very stubborn (their father is represented by the bull after all). Even they have trouble in getting along with Jupiter's kids. Fresh water is reliant on being replenished by the water cycle, so the kids can be very "go with the flow" and chill. They get easily annoyed when people interrupt their flow, or if they feel they're being consumed faster than they can recover from (water scarcity, lol).

As for my OCs, I have a lot of them, haha. Currently I'm focusing on June's story but I've got a billion other things going on, plus writer's block, so the story itself is paused. Luckily it's pretty much outlined, but honestly if I don't get it all written out at some point I will probably explode.

Sometimes I ramble about my OCs (mostly Alex, I think 😂) and their stories in #happy talks about his stories, and you can scroll through goof posts in #oc shitposting. 👍

[elkkiel]

Random questions to get to know you better! What was the first thing about Sleep Token that made you decide to keep listening/interacting with the fandom (doesn't have to be how you found them originally)? What inspired drawing them as cute cats? If there was one thing you wanted people to know about you, what would it be? - whataboutyouisamascot 🌿

@whataboutyouisamascot hello darling Z!!!! it is good to see you here, happy timezone!!

What was the first thing about Sleep Token that made you decide to keep listening/interacting with the fandom?

I tend to get really fixated on a particular artist/genre, and won't be able to listen to or enjoy other music while I'm stuck in that fixation. At the time I first heard ST (recc'd by a coworker), I was in one of those music phases where I could only listen to Spiritbox. Like, I listened to The Summoning and I couldn't even finish it, because it wasn't the music my brain worms were demanding at the time. Vess' voice was also a bit of an acquired taste for me (I understand the peanut butter comments tbh), but it's definitely akin to getting used to drinking scotch—it (in general) may not taste very good when you first start out, but DAMN is it delicious once you've acclimated to it. He's got that smooth whiskey/silky red wine voice, and I wish more people gave themselves a chance to appreciate a unique voice like his (100% /pos)

Getting into it, it was the lore, general vibes, and the drumming; I have been a ii girly from day 1 lol, he really is that special ingredient that makes the whole recipe come together. Once I was released from my Spiritbox phase, of course. Some newer followers may not know, but I'm a veteran Dream stan (not active at all right now, but the grind never truly stops) all the way back from 2020, peak DSMP. So I've always been a sucker for a good story in alternative mediums like that. The fandom is just the right balance of gay autistic nerd energy that I thrive in, so it felt really natural to find a home here 🩷

What inspired drawing them as cute cats?

I've always drawn them as cats. Save for like a few Human People here and there. My first fanart was my fandom newcomer's impression of Vessel, with little extra context, as a cryptid cat man lol. From there, it was shitposting about him as my fave cat memes, cat BTTV emotes, etc. I am very much a cat enjoyer, and just kinda stumbled into it being my "brand" purely from the love of it.

Also I find the cute kitties to be a little personally healing. Between uni, finally getting mental illness treatment, being in an abusive relationship and still recovering from the aftermath, etc etc, I lost a LOT of fundamental art skills. Like human body/facial anatomy because I was just too burnt out, busy, or depressed to draw. Cats make me happy, and cats are a little easier than people. So I can draw what I love while I try to heal and find those skills again.

If there was one thing you want people to know about you, what would it be?

Hmmm, trying to figure out how to word this lol. I think, overall, that I mean well with everything that I say and do. I fuck up sometimes with tone and/or assuming people know I'm being over the top or sarcastic. But I actively check myself before I post and make sure everything I put out into the world is in good faith.

For example, I'm faaaaar less horny on main than I portray myself—in fact, I'm actually a pretty committed Christian, so I'm not comfortable being 100% /srs horny on main even if I wanted to lol. I just find it fun to play up the rabid fangirl and go over the top with thirst tagging. I'll be real, they're fucking HOT lmaoooo, sue me. But any "sexualization" I do is always a bit, since I don't know these people and there's a veeeery slippery slope between gushing over hot guys and straight up objectification. If that makes sense.

OR, I also like insult-based affection for friends (eg. if you are friends with me you are a stupid idiot baby nerd and I love you). But my neurodivergent ass, similar to thirst posting, sometimes has a hard time reading the tone of the convo and can accidentally go a little far with things. I never ever want to hurt anyone, much less actually insult people I like!! So I wish I could organically give a disclaimer that it's all 100% out of love and to let me know if I missed the mark ;w;

Sorry that was long, it's just the one part of interaction I get nervous about so I feel the need to over-explain

thank you for taking the time to ask!! I really appreciate it 🩷🩷🩷🩷

[boinin]

Flairs on /r/BlueLock

A meta commentary/shitpost. I'm not sure which.

For Tumblr-onlys: Reddit allows users to add a flair beside their usernames, much like Tumblr allows badges. Flair are unique to individual subreddit, and only appear when that user comments or posts in that subreddit. The Blue Lock subreddit allows users to set custom text flairs, which may include a selection of emojis or character thumbnails.

This post contains adult humour/explicit references.

I posit that there's three categories of user flairs on Reddit.

The first category is what I refer to as normie flairs.

These include much of what you'd expect, if you maintain the false assumption that enjoyers of football shounen are straight, well-adjusted young men. Many users take this opportunity to represent their appreciation for a particular character (i.e. "Isagi Yoichi"). Admirable, but ultimately boring.

Much like Tumblr has its microcosms and meta humour, so does /r/BlueLock. In flairs, users make reference to fandom in-jokes (e.g. "Red Keys #1 fan", or "#1 Paralympic Footballer" next to a thumbnail of Yukimiya Kenyu). Other flairs reference quotes from the manga that inspire them (e.g. "Shut the fuck up Ness", "There is a monster inside me"). Although edgy in tone, these flairs are still reasonably explicable, should their parents check their browsing activity.

A recurring theme among this user group is a desire to distance themselves from homosexuality. Although excessive gayness is canon in Blue Lock, some users are defiant in their assertion that the series is about ball handling and nothing else. Hence, the existence of flairs such as "Miss Me With That Gay Shit" and "I'm just here to talk football dude".

For these users, the most relatable character in the series is Adam Blake: Mr. "I have no interest in male bodies" himself.

True martyrs. We salute them.

On to the second category.

Again, this is a loose category in terms of content and theme. You may question why I've chosen to differentiate these from the normie flairs. However, while all of these users are expressing admiration for the characters, the way they do so is hornier than a bunch of imprisoned football virgins. They are more worked up than Shidou, when he scores a goal.

I introduce this grouping as… the down bad flairs. There's a lot to unpack. Take your time.

We cannot infer that all the flairs in this group are the result of users biting their lips and moaning whenever a certain character appears. There may be a innocent explanation for why someone would designate themselves "King Barou's Chair" or "Muscle Mommy Kunigami's Squat Bar Pad".

Perhaps they simply kin as furniture.

Users among this group embrace the fruity nature of the series. Although it's untrue to say all Redditors are male basement dwellers and thus, in gay denial. There's evidence that women also frequent the subreddit to thirst over pretty manga boys, using the broadband their parents paid for. At least, this is what flairs such as "Kenyuu's beloved waifu" and "Impregnate me, Shidou!" suggest. There's even straight men present, if "Drinking Anri Mommy Milkies" and "Bachira's Mom's boyfriend" are anything to go by. Forgive them their sins, they know not how to play along.

But cis-heteronormativity is a scourge, something Blue Lock fans understand better than most. After all, no particular gender is required to become "Noel Noa's sugar baby" or "Isagi's personal toe sucker".

In terms of distribution, no one is safe from the thirstiness of /r/BlueLock users. Nearly every character has a thirst flair to their name. The ones that seem to inspire the most unhinged flairs are Shidou "dress sluttily, I can fight" Ryusei, Michael Kaiser ("Reincarned as Kaiser's Wet Underwear") and Bachira Meguru ("Bachira's leaking rosebud").

As the protagonist, Isagi naturally attracts a lot of favour. Some flairs highlight his prowess (e.g. "I love it when isagi shoots from behind", or the more possessive "isagi meatrider get out kaiser"). These users are, unfortunately, deluded. I regret to inform them that there is no universe in which Isagi is a top. He'd be devouring your dick, not the other way around.

To the conclusion. If you are a /r/BlueLock veteran (my condolences), you will have noticed a conspicuous absence among the second flair group. You may be thinking, is this chick blinder than Yukimiya? Can they even read?? They missed the worse ones.

To this I say: Do not cite the deep flairs to me bitch. I was there when they were written.

One image lies below the cut. Unlike the other two, the third category of user flairs has an obvious theme.

However, there is no returning beyond this point. Once you have borne witness to this forbidden knowledge, you will be irrevocably changed. It may ruin your life... or awaken something in you. Either way, a price must be paid.

Consider this my final warning. You may yet walk away from this post unscathed. Even with the words "Devouring Aiku's Hairy Ass" branded on your psyche.

But if you are determined—if you have steeled your mind (and your eyes), open this video in another tab and read on.

Anyone who guessed horny Chigiri flairs, take 1,000 Jeopardy points and a shot of something strong.

I'm not going to invent pseudo-intellectual commentary for this. Y'all came this far, see for yourself. I can't justify some of these, nor begin to explain them—and I write Blue Lock fanfiction. These users are in another dimension of Chigiri worship, one I can never bridge.

Source and references: this

[soundofastar]

*looks at you* sooo, who's Raena..👉🏽👈🏽

HE SEEMS SO MELLOW AND JUST SO CALM YKNOW... /pos

He looks so tireddd, my baby 😭💖💖💖💖 I WILL be protecting him TRUST

He gives such a field of flowers while it's storming.. IF THAT MAKES SENSE ??? HELP

I WANNA SQUEEZE HIM AND TURN HIM INTO A SMALL LITTLE BEAN 😈😈/silly

Such a silly little goober...💖💖💖💖

-paris anon

OH HEY YOU FOUND RAENA... it's a little funny how you seem to find the guys related to novaturient in one way or another, but they're silly raena mondlicht iuris (that's his full name) is in two different settings, actually! one of them would be kescorp (which i already elaborated on in my post about scylla); and another one is in novaturient, where he briefly works as a lawyer under peneume (from project martyr!) i'll divide them into their own separate paragraphs just for claritys sake, buuuut: kescorp raena and novaturient raena are actually quite different, but maintain one principle/essence kescorp's raena is just some lawyer guy. he works in the sanitization department, but really, he mostly takes care of any legal issues regarding the facility, and the various crimes against the head's alws that are committed. he gets absolutely no breaks, and is just constantly struggling. during this time, he's able to meet azazel, who's been given special permissions from the manager himself to do fuck all, pretty much. and constantly has to ask raena to take care of the various crimes (usually some form of murder. i dont remember LOL i just remember the vehicular manslaughter comic that neon made) that they commit. as this goes on, they develop a "relationship" and hit it off from there, but hera decides to troll them a bit and essentially starts straining their relationship to the point that they both just kind of, distort and start fighting. and afterwards hera returns them to normal and this weird cycle starts

novaturient's raena is honestly some of my favorite writing. he's azazel's girlfriend! they're coworkers, and i'm pretty sure it was azazel themselves who had helped raena get a position there after raena himself had some work struggles. though after a series of bad events, raena eventually had to get a magical girl contract and divide himself between law work at the office, and having to go out there and fight vagabonds. it's terribly straining and honestly sad to watch him change overtime, since there *is* a difference between how they look during this time. though i won't elaborate much on what happens with raena and azazel, since i forget exactly how much neon has shared about the plot of projmar, all i'll keep elaborating on is that iuris is not his birth last name; he just changed it to keep distance from his parents since they did help do some pretty bad things in one of the districts at some point he also has a sister—mikhailis aracea! who is currently misha kiselyov's adoptive daughter ^_^ oh yeah. one shitpost from him is that he rejected helping ulysses through one of his many divorces because raena refuses to do any sort of family law in the city. sooooooooo HES ONE OF MY FAVORITE BLORBOS THOUGH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE HIM! he has a lot of inspiration from the whole little red story (he sometimes just is the girl, the wolf, the lumberjack or all at once) and raena/azazel's relationship is so so very important to me. all ill finish on is the fact that raena actually really wanted to marry azazel, but well....................... teehee

[dirtyoldmanhole]

today in "krad continues to be very normal about gunter fire emblem" i hyper-analyze 3H's teatime preferences to divine up gunter's favorite teas and a few other fun facts ~ :D

so, context:

in Three Houses (FE16), there's a teatime minigame where your avatar drinks tea with selected characters, and try to guess their favorites / favorite conversational topics / etc for bonding points. FE's pretty big on character archetypes across the games (nabarls, jeigans, etc); while it's never a 1:1 as the series does like to subvert the stories and character arcs in some fun ways, you can generally trace a pretty direct line across them a la 'wow innes and shinon sure share more than a few surface-level similarities' and 'man OG!Jeigan, Gunter, and Marcus are cut out of the same cloth at least appearance wise huh'.

tl;dr -- it's easier than you'd think to pick a few 3H characters that echo gunter's archetype/arcs.

since i've played through 3H a few times, the three characters i figured gunter would share at least a higher-than-background-average similarity in archetypes + taste were:

Hubert - loyal advisor that does the dirty work behind the scenes in black to a charismatic royal. definitely holds a not-entirely platonic flame for said princess who had a Fucked Up past. has a tendency to be the disciplinarian for the others. (also both characters are hellaciously kinky bastards but that's just me)

Jeritza - strict instructor turned surprise(!) villain yandere paladin with a more complex backstory than you'd think. even has the black armor in his alter ego, and dislikes talking to others / prefers being alone. (seriously does that sound familiar or what.)

Hanneman - older (ie, definitely over his sixties versus all of the other babies in age) classic jeigan archetype and another instructor, kind but keeps to himself as well.

I could see people debating Hanneman vs Gilbert on technicalities but whatever, this is my post, I'm sticking to this list. :P

so, next step! looking at serenesforest.net's teatime preferences chart, we find out the favorite teas of the previous characters are (common teas in bold) ...

Hubert - Dagda Fruit Blend, Cinnamon Blend

Jeritza - Albinean Berry Blend, Southern Fruit Blend, Honeyed-Fruit Blend, Sweet-Apple Blend

Hanneman - Bergamot, Sweet-Apple Blend, Honeyed-Fruit Blend, Cinnamon Blend

... and surprisingly, there was a very high level of crossover! :o holy shit i was kind of not expecting that lmao. I checked a few of the other characters just to make sure it wasn't the same 5 teas over and over again, and no, these were pretty rare. that to me, reinforces that hunch that says looking into these patterns was worth it.

therefore, it is in my very humble opinion that (in 3H's style), Gunter's favorite teas would be generally the fruitier-sweet flavored ones, plus cinnamon.

subjectively?

fucking hell i love this so much. omg.

it makes so much sense in hindsight; i mentioned before how FE has a lot of fun playing with the archetypes/subversions, and there's something kind of hilariously adorable about the old strict "traditional" masculine dude fucking loving his fruity teas :D;;

gunter's already (ime) an interesting case of wildly subverting his archetype expectations so this is just yet another fun super-stealth easter egg nod.

to that note---you know what that reminds me of? this meme (below) of the bodyguard and the chick swapping drinks so he can have the fruity one and she can have the beer. :D

...

absolutely hilarious fun bonus fact in hindsight:

i almost had this as a scene in the gunter x fcorrin slowburn fic a while back, (yes, seriously, even before this post) but it ultimately got cut out for being ever so slightly gimmicky/meme-y in tone versus the rest of the fic which is played more seriously.

... this would make for an A+ drawing shitpost or a standalone fic tho. :D

no i'm not secretly smug af my instincts were on fireeeee why r u asking lolololol

/fin!

[ghooostbaby]

was tagged by @muigiel ^^

nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people I’d like to get to know better x tag game with no name

1. why did you choose your url? i heard "ghost baby" could be a translation of wei ying (from mdzs) and i really loved that vibe

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. @revengegarden which i use to put art inspiration in.

3. how long have you been on tumblr? i think i first joined when it was in beta in like 2009! i didnt really know how to use it though. i used it intermittently over the years to post silly poetry and save stuff from the internet i enjoyed. i never really interacted with anyone or understand how that worked. i made a new account in 2020 when i got interested in fandom stuff during pandemic lockdown times..

4. do you have a queue tag? no

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? well i answered that above kind of ... i've always sort of gotten weird obsessed with whatever i'm watching or reading, no one else i knew really had the same level and that i remember during the first weeks of lockdown searching stuff on what i was watching instead of bothering uninterested people about it and ended up on tumblr looking at fan art of zuko and sokka :P and all these people losing it over fictional characters i was like ... i think i'm home? so i got a tumblr to participate in it more.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? my name is from wei wuxian so i wanted a pic of him! he was sort of my main blorbo at the time making this account, and he truly captured my heart when he was all red-eyed insane with rage playing his demon flute

7. why did you choose your header? i don't know what my header is haha

8. what’s your post with the most notes? i'm not sure exactly, but i think the last 'annual stats' thing tumblr shared was a feverish cumplane head canon i posted. i also get notes every day on a recent post about wu ming fanon vs canon. but actually my looooong ranting meta about wei wuxian and lan wangji is probably the most notes. but reading that meta makes me want to hide under a rock encountering my past self

9. how many mutuals do you have? a couple

10. how many followers do you have? o.o

11. how many people do you follow? a few hundred i think?

12. have you ever made a shitpost? *looks up definition of shitpost* no

13. how often do you use tumblr each day? probably an hour a day just scrolling on my phone when i'm too tired to do anything else... i've had a job this summer that has been brutally long hours and tiring so i'm not in the mood to sit at my computer much

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? sometimes haha. listen, sometimes people have takes that are so bad i have to say SOMEthing. then i get so terrified of being yelled at i delete everything or ignore tumblr for 2 weeks or ask @muigiel if people are being mean in my notes hahaha

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts ummmmm

16. do you like tag games? it's nice to be tagged! atm i usually don't have time when i receive them and then the notification passes and i forget, this one i put in my drafts though

17. do you like ask games? love to be a part of one one day T.T idk maybe more people would send me asks if i turned on anon but a year or so ago i started getting all these terfs harassing me in my asks (must be doing something right?) so i turned off anon. one actually was mad enough to send me a death threat (?!) from their account so i was able to report them

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? haha i don't have many, just all of us small fish swimming together.. but i think a lot of people in danmei fandoms really love what @baiwu-jinji posts :) although i think they're not super active rn or we're not on at the same times

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? no but if you're in love with me let me know! i wouldn't be opposed to a tumblr romance :P

20. what is the last song you listened to? hmmmm i think i was listening to a Grouper album last

21. what are you currently watching? i wanted to find something new to watch that had perfect gorgeous visuals of beautiful outside places and ended up watching Orlando last night

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? all!

23. what is your current relationship status? single

24. what is your current obsession? tgcf, he xuan, yin yu, maurice (film & reading the book)

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

maurice soundtrack !!

80s dancey music bc my taste definitely gears towards lyricless and traditonal/folk music but i've been working with kids who all want to listen to justin bieber all the time so trying to get some fun pop music i can also enjoy (i just hate the sounds of contemp pop music sorry, somehow it feels so... digital? data-driven? written by AI?) - and actually have found madonna is soooo good.

and then relistening to old favourites... yesterday i was enjoying my rock n roll romance playlist which has david bowie, bauhaus, wanda jackson (tunnel of love), suicide (cheree), roy orbison, dead or alive

if you want to take a look inside my brain https://www.nts.live/shows/cantus-orbis

tag 9 people.. uhh. how about just @unfotp @marloviandevil @baiwu-jinji but no obligation!

[seven-circlllxs]

Written In Blood {Tag Masterlist}

Non-Character Tags

Whispers from Purgatory [OOC] - Out of Character posting

Ashes to Ashes [Ashy Speaks] - Admin talk

I Think I'm Supposed To Be Bodyguarded Right Now [Rules] - Posts containing rules/standards of interaction

Take A Peek In The Guestbook [Info] - Posts that have important information

Very Important Research Pictures [Art] - Art from other blogs (not made by mun)

Whiteboard Planning Presentations [My Art] - Art made by me!

The Lesser Key of Solomon [Headcanons] - Posts that contain my own headcanons or reblogged posts of headcanons that I subscribe to

All The Shades Of Sin [Aesthetics] - Character Aesthetics or Aesthetics that match Muses

Inside of Every Demon is a Rainbow [Quotes and Musings] - Quotes or Posts that make Mun think about specific Muses

Who’s That At Your Table? [Promo] - Promo posts!

Oh My FUCK [Suggestive] - Suggestive content, nothing purely NSFW

Not Safe For Voxtagram [NSFW] - NSFW Posts (ALL NSFW posts will also have separate NSFW and NSFT tags!)

(Pending) [Self-Reblog] - Self-reblogged posts!

That Slutty Toy Clown Had It Coming [Shitposts] - Shitposts

[Will be Updated As Needed!]

Prompt/Starter Tags

New Rhythm and A New Hook {Memes/Starters} - Ask Memes and Starter Prompts

I'll Sell Every Single Weakness Back To You For A Fee [Answered Asks] - Answered Ask Memes

Tag You're It [Tagged Prompts]

Right Here In Hell At The Happy Hotel [Open Starters]

[Will be Updated As Needed!]

Muse Tags

Bullet Points are Muse-Specific Art Tags

Don't Touch That Dial! {Alastor} - Standard AU Alastor

This Face Was Made For Radio // Alastor // Visage

Frigid Royal Bitch {Andrealphus} - Standard AU Andrealphus

You're As Cold As Ice // Andrealphus // Visage

Bang Bang Bang Is The Only Shot For Me {Arackniss} - Standard AU Arackniss

Killer In The Mirror // Arackniss // Visage

In Desire We Trust {Asmodeus} - Standard AU Asmodeus

Make Sure The Subject Is Gettin' It On // Ozzie // Visage

Not Your Barbie Girl {Barbie Wire} - Standard AU Barbie

Bitch I Am One Throw A Tantrum // Barbie // Visage

You've Got Me In Between The Devil And The Deep Blue Sea {Baxter} - Standard AU Baxter

We're Making Weird Science // Baxter // Visage

I Feel The Lavender Haze Creepin' Up On Me {Belphegor} - Standard AU Belphegor

Rather Sleep Than Stay Awake // Belphegor // Visage

I Am A Snake Head Eating The Head On The Opposite Side {Boris} - Standard AU Boris

Frame My Picture In Your Brain // Boris // Visage

Always Chasing Rainbows {Charlie} - Standard AU Charlie Morningstar

The Devil's Princessa // Charlie // Visage

Short Fuse {Cherri} - Standard AU Cherri Bomb

Hello World I'm Your Wild Girl // Cherri // Visage

Flying Purple Paperweight {Collin} - Standard AU Collin

Who Wants A Lamby Lamby Lamby // Collin // Visage

Sweet Beautiful Soul Saving Joy {Emily} - Standard AU Emily

Dance Along The Light Of Day // Emily // Visage

Money Can't Buy Happiness But Guaranteed I'm Worth The Price {Glam} - Standard AU Glam

Special Occasion Splurge On The Urge // Glam // Visage

Royal Flush {Husk} - Standard AU Husk

You're All Scotch No Soda // Husk // Visage

It's Too Fun Being Two Faced Isn't It? {Leviathan / Behemoth} - Standard AU Levy and Mimi

We'll Split You Down The Middle; This Will Only Hurt A Bit // Leviathan / Behemoth // Visage

Your Bite's Worse Than Your Bark {Loona} - Standard AU Loona

Running With The Wolves // Loona // Visage

Seven-Ring Circusmaster {Lucifer} - Standard AU Lucifer Morningstar

Where The Runaways Are Running The Night // Lucifer // Visage

Modern Major Murderer {Lute} - Standard AU Lute

Down Under We Don't Take No Prisoners // Lute // Visage

M A M A B O Y {Moxxie} - Standard AU Moxxie

Lovely Little Monster // Moxxie // Visage

Run Little Girl Run Little Girl Bang {Mrs. Mayberry} - Standard AU Mrs. Mayberry

My Baby's Got A Gun I Better Run // Mrs. Mayberry // Visage

Baby You've Got The Keys Now Shut Up And Drive {Travis} - Standard AU Travis

It's Calm In My Head As A High Speed Chase // Travis // Visage

Just Like Fire Burning Up The Way {Vassago} - Standard AU Vassago

Bamboleio Bamboleia // Vassago // Visage

Radio Killer {Vox} - Standard AU Vox

Now You're Playing With Power // Vox // Visage

Amber Is The Color Of Your Energy {Yogirt} - Standard AU Yogirt

The More I See The Less I Know The More I Like To Let It Go // Yogirt // Visage

Along Comes A Spider {Zestial} - Standard AU Zestial

The Potion Is A Poison // Zestial // Visage

[Will be Updated As Needed!]

Canon Character Tags

Pinned Down Without A Crown [Vaggie]

Wrap Me In Plastic and Make Me Shine [Angel Dust]

Oh That Cement Is Just It's There For The Weight Dear [Henroin]

Blood Still Stains When The Sheets Are Washed [Niffty]

Snakebite Drags You Under [Sir Pentious]

Dancing On A Razor's Edge [Carmilla]

The Bestest Jester [Fizzarolli]

Christ On A Stick [Blitzø]

Of All The Imps In Hell It's For Her That I Fell [Millie]

Goodness Gracious Great Balls of Fire [Sallie Mae]

Fins To The Left Fins To The Right And You're The Only Bait In Town [Chaz]

Don't Mess With Me I'll Shoot Ya Down [Crimson]

Heaven Help The Fool Who Falls In Love [Mama] - Tag for Moxxie's mother

Come Come Kitty Kitty [Emberlynn]

Money Can't Buy Happiness But It Can Rent You Paradise [Glitz]

Catch Some Waves While Catchin' Some D [Verosika]

Burn It To The Wick [Vortex]

He's An Outlaw Loose And Runnin' Came The Whisper From Each Lip and He's Here To Do Some Business with the Big Iron On His Hip [Striker]

Stupid Slutty Moth Pimp [Val]

Why Am I In Your Mass Text? [Velvette]

I Wanna Be Your Doll I Wanna Be Sweet [Kitty]

You Gotta Feel It It's Electric [Papermint]

This Ain't Build-A-Bitch I've Got Flaws And Attitude [Melissa]

You Could Be The King But Watch The Queen Conquer [Zeezi]

Don't Bring Around A Cloud To Rain On My Parade! [Rosie]

When You're Good To Mama Mama's Good To You [Mimzy]

She Is Cunning And Clever As Hell And She'll Eat You Alive [Martha]

You Can Be So Cruel And That's All You've Ever Done [Stella]

Look How They Shine For You [Stolas]

As The Stars Start To Align I Hope You Take It As A Sign [Octavia]

Everything Everything Everything You Touch Turns To Gold [Paimon]

Got A Touch Like A Thorn 'Cause The Girl She's Hiding Horns [Lilith]

Mess With The Horns And You Get The Devil [Satan]

Bring Your Own Fork Girl You Know I Don't Provide It [Bee-lzebub]

CENT-ipede [Mammon]

I'll Climb To The Top of Mount Rock and Be Part of That Heavenly Scene [Adam]

Que Sera Seraphim [Sera]

[Will be Updated As Needed!]

AU Tags, AU Muse Tags, & Partner-Specific Tags

I'm Headed Straight For The Castle They're Gonna Make Me Their Queen [Stella - gethellbcnt]

Feel Like A Hot Pink Bitch Named Breakfast [Emberlynn - infernal feminae]

The HBIC The Hottest Dog Fresh Off The Grill [Bee-lzebub - queenbeeibee]

See The World Through Whiskey Glasses [Striker - heedingcalls]

In The Twilight Glow I See Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain [René] - Posts with @adeerandhisshadow's René

On The TV Yeah You'll See I'll Show You I'll Own You ((Bluescreen-Verse)) - AU involving Vox and René

Puttin' On The Ritz [Leslie] - Posts with @ritzy-cervidae's Leslie

In The Dark Of The Night [Duedephelon] - Posts with @keeperofquestions's Duedephelon

[Will be Updated As Needed!]

Ship Tags (Partner-Specific)

Froggy Little Flips {Fizz x Ozzie} - @e-m-p-error's Fizz and my Ozzie

Circuit Breaker {Vox x Val} - @e-m-p-error's Valentino and my Vox

Offer Me All The Stars Above Me {Lucifer x Paimon} @e-m-p-error's Paimon and my Lucifer

In Your Holy Water That Burns My Bastard Mind {Lucifer x Adam} - @e-m-p-error's Adam and my Lucifer

Come Gimme Some Of That Yum Like A Lollipop {Loona x Bee} - @e-m-p-error's Bee and my Loona

You The Main Attraction Lights Camera Action {Travis x Angel} - @e-m-p-error's Angel Dust and my Travis

You'll See Me On The Blue Screen {René x Vox} - @adeerandhisshadow's René and my Vox

A Million Feathers Falling Down A Million Stars That Touch The Ground {Andre x Stolas} - @stolsas's Stolas and my Andrealphus

Thinkin' Of You 'Cuz You're My Bugaboo {Travis x Emberlynn} - @infernal-feminae's Emberlynn and my Travis

Does She Know That Her Destiny Lies With Me {Charlie x Vaggie} - [Pending]

Black And White Come Out Alright In Technicolour {Alastor x Vox} - [Pending]

You Glide Through My Head Blind To Fear {Yogirt x Satan} - [Pending]

The Red Means I Love You {Martha x Mrs. Mayberry} - [Pending]

[Will be Updated As Needed!]

Ship Tags (General) [Typically used on Art Reblogs]

Little Moth Please Take Your Time [Chaggie]

StaticMoth [VoxVal]

I've Got You Under My Skin [RadioApple]

Signal Interference [VoxAl]

This Girl Has Stolen My Heart With Her Broken Halo [GuitarSpear]

Poison Tipped Daggers [Zestilla]

Original Sinners [LiliFer]

Your Love Is Better Than Cocaine [AngelTrav]

The Fallen Star and The Leading Man [LuciAdam]

You Look Like Gold To Me [PaiCifer]

I've Got It Bad Again That O-B-S-E-S-S-I-O-N [Tramberlynn]

Crooked Hearts [Fizzmodeus]

HoneyMoon [LoonaBee]

In A Champagne Supernova In The Sky [Stolitz]

SnowyOwl [Andrealphus/Stolas]

All I Want All I Want All I Want Is Everything [Mammon x Stella]

Just A Hunk A Hunk of Burning Love [Hellthcare]

A Kiss With A Fist Is Better Than None [MarthaBerry]

[Will be Updated As Needed!]

[windupnamazu]

smells like sardine spirit!

ffxivwrite2023 #07: noisome having an extremely offensive smell.

Lunya, @hqmillioncorn's Babycorn and Cherrypit, and @perrytheplatyborg's Himbo Hooters. A Realm Reborn, flowrverse (shitpost flavour). 1155wc. ⮞ A little deodorant would go a long way, but I'm not sure you'd remember what that is either.

It was a normal day in the Lavender Beds. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Babycorn Corn was eating mud.

Just last week, «flowr»'s FC hall finally finished construction after a gruelling week of its members running around gathering as much gil as they could. The very last of it came from Lunya, who apparently squeezed an Ul'dahn merchant so dry she came back with not just his gil but the clothes he was wearing that day and the rights to his nextborn child, the contract of which she promptly set on fire. While the house was fully built, what it wasn't was furnished, and with no kitchen to dig through the cupboards of and unwilling to swallow her pride and ask anyone for lunch, Babycorn did what she did best: improvising food.

"Thish mud's pretty tashty," she told her baby brother between mouthfuls of the wet dirt. Cherry babbled a giggle out as he slapped his oversized sleeves to the ground, splashing their midday meal onto his face. "But itsh kinda hot today, ishn't it?"

It was an impressive 32 degrees Celsius, of which the Eorzean equivalent is unknown to me, reader, and remarkably humid. It had rained that morning and left the Shroud quite muggy.

As the siblings alternated between rolling around in the mud and eating it they didn't notice the hulking figure stumbling up the hill towards the cottage, water and mud dripping from his form with each tired step as he searched for sanctuary. As he reached the gate he teetered and fell straight through it and into the middle of Babycorn and Cherrypit's lunch with a huge splash.

"So… hungry…" he moaned into the mud with a horribly deep rumble of his stomach.

Babycorn's pom nearly flew off her head in alarm, kept on her head simply because it was weighed down only by the layer of mud he splashed on her.

"MONSTER?!" she shrieked, diving for Cherry and whisking them both out of their puddle.

Snapping into consciousness, the so-called monster straightened up and looked around in a panic, mud dripping from pearly white fangs. "MONSTER? WHERE?" the monster shouted, only to be hit once more by the sheer heat of the day and how dehydrated and hungry he was. His head hit the mud once more with an exhausted groan.

"Babagaga," Cherry said wisely from the safety of his sister's arms.

"Oh, not a monster?" Babycorn wondered, poking the not-monster with the toe of her boot. "...Do you think it's edible?"

Moments later Lunya rounded the corner carrying a tower of cardboard boxes taller than Vertical Height herself, which she promptly dropped upon seeing Babycorn about to take a bite out of some stinky and unconscious stranger. She started caterwauling, sprinting towards them at an impressive speed for a girl wearing stiletto boots on wet grass for some reason.

"BABYCORN CORN," Lunya howled, shaking a fist in the air, "PUT THAT THING DOWN, YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE IT'S BEEN!"

"Party pooper," muttered Babycorn, blowing her bangs out of her eyes as she dropped the arm of what upon closer look was a sopping wet catman. No, not the Miqo'te kind, but a larger, fuzzier variety.

Lunya came to a screeching stop next to them. The mudcatthing was snoring away, blowing bubbles into the mud in a way that would have been comical if it wasn't ruining some perfectly good food. She grimaced at its filthy appearance and the bizarre smell radiating off him. "What's a Hrothgar doing in our yard? And why does he smell like he dove through a fish market's post-closing garbage processing center?!"

"Beats me," huffed Babycorn, already uninterested since she wasn't allowed to eat the guy.

"He doesn't seem injured," Lunya said contemplatively. "Just… stinky." With a whirl of her pointer finger a hose came flying around the corner of the house followed by bottles of dog shampoo and conditioner. "If he has to lie unconscious in our yard he should at least have the decency to smell nice while doing it."

Babycorn hissed at the hose as it passed by, which Lunya thought was a nice bit of character development from the last time she had to bring the hose out and Babycorn tried to bite it. Setting the nozzle to 'angle', Lunya hit the Hrothgar with a blast of water.

"BWHHHHBWHWHBBRHHBWHWW," the Hrothgar spat, sitting upright in confusion as he was assaulted with each of the settings on Lunya's latest beloved acquisition from the Gridanian garden centre while she looked for the best one.

"Oh, you're alive!" Lunya said cheerily. "Cherry, do you wanna soap him up?"

"Sop, sop!" Cherry agreed. Or maybe he was saying soup. That was a bit more concerning. Either way, he took one of the floating bottles of dog shampoo and handed it to Babycorn, who uncapped it, handed it back to him, and took four steps back. There was no way she was going to get forcibly given a bath today, no sir!

Cherry promptly dumped half the bottle onto the Hrothgar's knee.

"Would you mind getting out of the mud for me?" Lunya asked the Hrothgar, who was only getting increasingly more confused by this bizarre turn of events. "It's kind of making the whole point of this moot."

"Uh, okay?" the Hrothgar said, and he got up and walked over to a clean patch of grass dripping dog shampoo and mud and water with Lunya and Cherrypit following behind.

"So, what's your story?" Lunya asked conversationally as she rinsed him down and revealed he was, in fact, really a Hrothgar. "Got drunk at the Mirror Planks and fell overboard and washed up here? Alcohol abuse is bad, you know. You got a name?"

"Ba!" echoed Cherry.

The Hrothgar stammered. "H… H… Something with an H…Hem… Him…?"

"Bo," Cherry said with a satisfied nod.

"Himbo?" Lunya wrinkled her nose. "Weird name. I mean, I guess we have a Vertical and a B'ig and a Babycorn, so it's not really that weird in the grand scheme of things—"

"My name is not weird!" Babycorn cried, stomping her boot in the mud and splashing more of it up her leg. "Your name is weird!"

"And you're getting a bath next," Lunya threatened, turning and pointing the hose at her. Babycorn screamed.

"I don't, um, really remember anything," 'Himbo' admitted over Babycorn's furious shrieks that no, no, no, you can't clean me! Na na na na na! I hope you trip and slide on a soap bar!!! "Who I am or where I came from or, uh, why I'm being given a bath. I just know that I'm hungry."

"Well, we can fix that last part, at least," said Lunya. "You wouldn't be the first amnesiac we've taken into our fold. How do burgers sound?"

"What's a burger?"

"Lunya," Babycorn gritted out from behind the tree she was now hiding behind, "this is dire."