#is there anything better than writing the pov of a canon character who is falling for your oc. i dont think so. very self indulgent.

[sotc]

Last six lines

I was tagged by @pavus a bit ago to do this little game! Thank you for thinking of me 💞 I don't normally post my writing on here because I am shy and mostly a lot of my writing these days are for rping with my rp partner. Also I genuinely didn't have any wips to share. I've been tossing and turning zevana around for weeks in my mind palace to the point where I had to finally write out at least a scene I imagined playing out in my head.

tagging; @uldren-sov @aroserinosman @crowealtius @defira85 and @arendaes! No pressure if you don't feel like it. If you've done this game already recently though and I missed it let me know so I can peek! 👀

Post the most recent last six lines you wrote:

"And so you thought to seduce me with it?" She quirks a brow at him in her accusation. He was certain he spied her lips fighting off a smile. At him, for him, because of him. It could nearly make him stumble when he feels an unexpected warmth stir in his chest. "Hmm. Now that is a thought, isn't it?" He smiled in his challenge. "Would it work?" "Don't bet on it." Milana rolled her eyes before resuming her stare into the fire. He couldn't help but find himself amused at her reply, nor how endearing he found it as he watches her sulk and curl back into herself. She is not the first to reject his advances, in fact, she has been diligent in doing so in the many attempts he's made during their travels. But he takes it with stride; no harm nor foul to his confidence when truthfully he found the challenge in trying to find what worked on her curiously and endlessly entertaining.

I wanted to give a little extra than six lines since I am writing a lot of dialogue that is already in the game lol so take a little insight to my zevran pov for a scene setup before I venture offroad!!

[zvezdacito]

// TWST Book 7 spoilers, thoughts of Malleus's writing as a character

So I was reading some other people's opinions on why some people consider Malleus overrated/annoying, and tbh this makes me really sad. The general consensus is that a lot of people fixate on certain sides and can only see him as one extreme or the other and it results in many ppl thinking a watered down version of his character is how he is in canon.

I feel that its such a shame because he's the most interesting, compelling and well-rounded take on his character archetype I've seen.

From my observation, usually they kinda make this archetype (the broody misunderstood 'everyone fears him like a monster except for one special person') someone you can't take that seriously, because of how his struggle usually kind of written in a way where everyone involved feel less like actual fully fledged original characters and really just one note tropes interacting with other one note tropes.

To elaborate: What i mean when i say this is usually ppl who hate him kind of just do because of plot requires them to and to show how all their haters are "normies" who can't get him because 'he's not like everyone else'. The misunderstood guy still usually has toxic personality issues but the story really tends to make it feel like they don't fear him for that but because they're shallow and have prejudice to ppl like him, so his personality issues are not framed as wrong or character flaws.

I don't think there's anything inherenrly wrong or mediocre with the "one special person who gives him a chance before anyone else" trope like I'm literally a Malleyuu enjoyer lol but like i said its all in the execution cause otherwise it fails to be compelling and believable. Usually in the poorly written version of this trope the guy doesn't undergo any character development other than showing more emotion and kindess to his partner because they melted his ice I guess so it really makes his whole character feel like its revolves around the sake of romance and fanservice.

Malleus doesn't fall into this trap in my opinion because his situation despite how fantastical it is, the way he was written makes it believable as to why everything is the way it is with him, and it also challenges the viewer if they would be able to say they wouldn't fear him too in that situation.

"We're gonna give you this character who everyone sees as a monster and show you deep down he just wants the same love as everyone else, making you contemplate changing judgement on him. He wants to prove this, but his way of going about it always inadvertently harms others."

"You know where hes coming from and if he had that social connection to give him a better understanding of others this wouldn't be happening, but its also equally understandable that the people hes trying to connect with don't deserve this and fear him even more after this, trapping him in a cycle of isolation."

"Given his track record, do you go about giving him a chance or just considering the repeatedly proven danger he brings. With the valid reasons of both parties, can you really say he isn't a monster and demand that 'if only people be near him'?"

There's just such a tragic and thought-provoking dilemma to his character that adds so many layers that makes him so good.

As omniscient viewers we have the benefit of seeing what he's going through form his POV so we can sympathize with him and understand that he thinks what he's doing is the best course of action and he's just trying to create a "win for everyone" situation.

But also everything he does ironically reaffirms everyone's fear and distrust of someone like him. No one can deny he has a tendency to cause further destruction when he tries to do something "good", examples including: past Briar Valley lantern lighting fire, the Halloween 2 ghost world party, and now his Sleeping Curse stunt in Book 7 Part 2 (they really emphasize this by making the spoken name of his UM basically mean "Malicious Fairy" but have its written name used to convey what its meant to mean be "Blessing").

↑ Given this, it honestly makes sense others, especially those who don't know him all that well, would just expect the worst when he's around already, and you wouldn't be able to blame them for that given the track record. It doesn't help that this impression is worsened since he tends to cause misunderstandings due to his lack of familiarity with human social cues.

Alongside the bias and preconceived notions from his status and reputation, they also make a point on how his personality flaws are still also a huge factor in pushing people away, such as not being able to see things through the perspective of others.

He also holds a subconcious belief due to what has been ingrained in him since childhood as a Draconia and the next in line that because he's superior to others at certain things, he has the right and responsibility to decide on what will protect and help them, disregarding the individual values/priorities of human beings and leading him to take reckless and destructive action with good intentions.

His upbringing, character strengths and character flaws are all realistically connected to each other and the way they are subtly shown to be ever-present in defining his decisions, goals and thoughts throughout the whole story. So we don't really need to have a character go out of their way to exposition this to us this word for word just so we can understand and believe it.

Moving onto something slightly more lighthearted, I really also like how dorky Malleus surprisingly was. Other similar characters in the archetype I usually see don't really have any hobbies, interests, or quirks outside of being a broody authority figure, which might've been appealing to some at first but it really just gets stale and boring after a while.

This should be the bare minimum in making a fleshed out and interesting character so maybe i sound like im giving them too much credit for pointing it out😭 But yeah compared to the other examples it's good that Malleus has his Tamagotchi and Gargoyle interests it makes him feel like a believable person who has his own life going on too (with the bonus that these interests are also metaphors for aspects of his character). The gap moe adds an endearing side to him, and makes the gap between his intent and impact of his actions even more tragic. It wouldn't hit the same without this side.

(^ Forgot how the exact quote goes, but it basically said dark stories are more effective when there are moments of genuine happiness and good in them, compared to if it was always just grim and edgy. The former increases the stakes and tragedy because you have something you to care about losing, while for the latter there is nothing for you to care about so nothing the story does really matters. Same logic applies to Malleus)

Overall, it's just like an unfortunate incompatibility of goals and circumstances, which is what TWST is all about. Another thing I want to say is out of all the characters, I feel like Malleus is the one who is the ultimate embodiment of TWST's main themes:

-> How it's not about "hero" vs "villain" just differing circumstances crossing paths and clashing because of how people on either side have their own complex perspective and dreams they want to realize

-> And how connection and finding community is important to find people who will help you make up for what you lack in reaching your goals and to better understand all the factors that caused the situation in the first place.

As if seeing yourself reflected in a mirror, the more you get to know the people around you, you realize in many ways you are actually quite alike, and through understanding others you could also possibly better understand certain aspects of yourself. It's sort of encouraging you to do the opposite of dehumanizing others and yourself, which is something Malleus has most evidently internalized.

So yeah this was so long😭 I had a lot I wanted to say since Malleus is my favorite TWST character. Idk if I missed anything or if i managed to express my thoughts in a cohesive way but yeah. I kinda go into a rage whenever I see the worst takes ever be put out about his character but tbh sometimes I can't completely blame others since fandom trends and the convenience of simplifying things into tropes can warp your perception of a character and what you associate with them.

Also sometimes twst doesn't do a good job with utilizing his character like Book 5 where he got turned into a deus ex machina and Halloween 2 where they killed any hype and intrigue for the plot we had at the beginning through the ending reveal and gave the worst justification ever for Malleus and Lilia's actions ever.

Regardless, I hope more people manage to move past this and appreciate his character for what it really is soon though. He's an amazingly tragic character; a lot of thought was put into how his experiences, strengths and weaknesses would convincingly connect, and he represents something relevant in the story's plot and themes.

The fact that I've seen some people unironically believe that Malleus may just be faking his cluelessness of social cues to hide his "true evil" is evidence to how convincing his character's situation is, that even some in the audience who know more about him than the characters would still end up in the same place of doubt and distrust of Malleus because of what he's capable of.

Aight thank you for reading👍

[lunabug2004]

You said that according to you there is a way to make Mileven stay together and have all the characters have a good arc at the end of the show. Could you develop that? cause in my opinion if Mike's arc is about falling in love , changing his personality after meeting a girl and at the end being the protective paladin to "fix" his bad behaviour then it's really bad writing (coming from a straight person)

I'm going to be completely honest here, which I hope is what you want lol, I do think I say this (sans the "good arcs" part bc I don't think I've ever said that there's a way to make Mileven happen where all the characters have good arcs) to more-or-less make myself feel better bc I have so much Byler doubt (& Mike love) so yeah, take this as you will, this is just what my brain has come up with as an arc(?) I could mostly cope with. I mean, there's a reason I put "(mostly) happy" but yes, I'll try to expand.

I love Mike and I have a feeling I will continue to love Mike whether Mileven or Byler is endgame. This is purely because I do not believe Mike is a bad person or bad character just bc he's made some bad decisions/said some things he (canonically) regrets. I don't think Mike would be a protective paladin to simply "fix" his "bad behavior". While I do agree that this wouldn't be the best writing choice, I think, in-context, he would be trying his best to keep everyone he loves alive. He is an extremely traumatized teenage boy whose biggest fear is losing those he loves. He has been smack-dab in the middle of the action until s4. Finn Wolfhard himself has said Mike is depressed and pushing everyone away bc of it.

Anyways, all of this to say that I don't think it'd be too farfetched to say all of his "bad behavior" is simply untreated trauma symptoms. And yes, you could say something about other characters being traumatized and them not acting like Mike, but trauma, and this is a fact, effects everyone differently. One person may lean into their life before going through said trauma, like Will in s3, while another may block it out, like it's shown with El in s4, and another may completely change themselves while being stuck in a loop of wanting those he loves close to him but also wanting to keep them at a distance bc he is so terrified of losing them. Dr. Owens even says in s2 that a sign of PTSD is change in personality and lashing out, which we see both in Mike. Plus all the parallels bt him and Max in s4, it's safe to say this boy is struggling mentally.

I do think it would make sense, when we finally get Mike's POV in s5, for a lot of his controversial moments to be fueled by his mental health struggle. Now, do I think this is an excuse? Not necessarily, but it does make sense, and as far as I know, anytime Mike's actively made anyone upset he's apologetic (like I said earlier, lashing out). I believe that if the show solely focuses on Mike's mental health issues, then Mileven wouldn't be out of the question.

I do want to add that this is not how I want the story to go, I would much rather his story go the Byler route, but I've said before that his character is not solely dependent on either Byler or Mileven, and I still stand by that. He should not simply be seen as a 'romantic interest' character bc he is more than that and he has his own problems (that we aren't necessarily shown) that have nothing to do with who he's in a romantic relationship with.

Now, again, this is probably mostly just something I've convinced myself I'd be alright with, but I am aware that this in and of itself would be boring and not very good writing. I also do not know, in this case, what would happen on the Byler side of things, this why I say "(mostly)". I am fully a Byler shipper and would prefer Byler endgame to anything really, but I'm a Mike-stan first and foremost.

Sorry if this wasn't too clear, I feel like I just rambled and repeated myself a lot. Thanks for the ask, though! And pls if you or anyone else has questions about anything I said, pls ask me! Trust me, I know this isn't foolproof and I'm probably just dumb 😂

TLDR: I think it's possible they could go more towards untreated PTSD and trauma/mental health related route for Mike in a way that would make Mileven possible. Doesn't mean I'd think it's necessarily good writing, but I could see it going that way.

[mariusperkins]

for the writing asks: 2, 10, 28, 33, 41, 42!

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

honestly I think more than what they say about my fics, they accurately represent my need to make my AO3 tags as businesslike as possible lol

10. How do you decide what to write?

It can be a lot of things, I mean, I'm sure we're all familiar with watching an episode of something (or reading a book, or watching a movie, or whatever) and thinking like "well, okay, but what if THIS had happened" or "but what did THIS OTHER CHARACTER think about what happened", but apart from that it can be almost anything - cool fanart (honestly SO much of @wereshrew-admirer's art but most recently for relax we've time to spare (friends at the table)), a character I wish got more screen time (never did run smooth (the artful dodger), Rita Minute: Origins (the penumbra podcast), hand in glove (bridgerton)), a line in an episode (Five Calls Between Thisbe and The Witch In Crystal (friends at the table)), a fan theory that didn't pan out in canon (the long journey through the void of life (fantasy high)), or just plain ol' "can't stop thinking about this thing" ( I'm Not An Angel But At Least I'm A Girl (hello mary lou: prom night 2), Greetings From Nowhere (wish you were here) (lisa frankenstein), Final Girls Club (friday the 13th movie series), social media strategy for the unknown (knives out)) - really, I kind of just write whatever idea I can't stop thinking about. Whenever I get a new idea it goes in it's own google doc with as many notes as I can get down about the idea at the time (with links to whatever inspired it, if it's linkable), and then if it gets fleshed out enough (aka I'm so obsessed with the idea that I start writing it immediately) it goes into the spreadsheet I use to plan out my posting schedule.

28. Does anyone read your fics before you post them? If so, who?

I post too much to put someone through that schedule lol

33. If you write chaptered fics, what’s your ideal chapter length to write? Is it different from your ideal chapter length to read?

This is going to sound very like, horribly algorithmic, but when I'm writing out chapters or a multi-part thing, I try to make it so they're all of about the same length (generally, at least 1k, although if it's something that's multi-chapter it probably means it need the room, so likely around 3-4k). It's less of a like, 'optimising people's calculated reading time' venture capital bullshit and more like, I think it helps my pacing not go totally off the rails or spend more time on one character over another if I'm wanting to do an even-ish pov split.

My ideal length chapter to read is as much as there is written, read multiple times over until the next update (you'd better believe I do this with all of @msharmonycobel's gilded age fics).

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

I truly do go back to Reciprocation (merlin) by astolat any time I'm trying to write someone falling in love without knowing it, I feel like this fic does such an incredible job of cluing you into what's actually happening without it ever going out of Arthur's pov. It's funny, it's sexy, it's got heart! Areas of expertise (It) by dudski is another one I return to all the time, it's so funny and light and mostly outsider pov, touching on meta jokes about the It fandom and fandom/how internet culture snowballs (positive) as a whole, and all the voices really shine. And I really should say All the Worlds Between (x-men first class) by manic_intent, a role-swap fic that I would recommend to anyone trying to write role swap fics, it does such a good job of figuring out the points that would need to diverge from canon without it feeling like a complete personality transplant for either character, and figuring out the ways they would still align and fit together.

Also, if it's not to cliche to say since everyone who came within breathing distance of early marvel fandom heard about this fic, but 4 minute window (CA:TWS) by Speranza - if I can write anything that affects someone as profoundly as I feel when I get to the line "I can hold the line at two dogs" I will leave this earth feeling as though I have accomplished all I needed to (I mean, even setting aside the worldbuiling and fleshing out this fic does of canon, the layers it gives everyone inside it, it's the first time in the fic we hear Steve say something hopeful about the future! Something without this ragged edge to it! It lives in my mind and heart every day, rent free).

42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?

Any comment that I received on Blue Moon (les miserables) during it's literal ten year hiatus between chapters - just the fact that people came across it (or even came back to it!) over the -again- literal ten years that it did not update... it means so much to me. I mean, every comment does, really. I've been doing this for a while but it still kind of blows me away that people want to ready anything I write, let alone more than once. I mean, I like what I write, but I also think the movie Waterworld (1995) is the greatest movie ever made, so I cant trust my judgement.

ask me!

[swiftsaltsweet]

Two Knives Chapter 4: Kyoshi- Interruptions

Characters: Rangi and Kyoshi (RoK characters tbh)

Pairing: Rangshi

Summary:

Things have been stressful for Kyoshi. First, she sang a poem and now the whole kitchen staff thinks it’s about Rangi, and is sure that there will be gossip. Then, Yun asks her to join him for the Fifth Nation treaty signing. Now Rangi’s acting strange. It’s becoming a bit much for Kyoshi’s small corner of the world.

(Canon Divergent AU- Kelsang wasn’t the one who heard the poem?….aka What if it took longer for them to realize Kyoshi was the Avatar?)

Other Sites: AO3 

A/N: I’m not the best with ratings, and as I was writing more chapters….it got more suggestive than I originally intended at the beginning of writing this fic. u_u So I’m changing this from T to M. Just to be safe. Sorry if that upsets anyone. ;w; (it won’t be anything that goes too into it but…still…ajfkdlsjf TT0TT)

 Ok ok! I know I said that we’d be getting a few Rangi POV chapters next…..but I realized these next chapters work better (imo) if we don’t know what’s going on in Rangi’s little noggin. u_u That being said, I hope I’ve laid a few breadcrumbs for y’all to pick up on what might’ve been going on, but if not….hey, it’s all good, that’s what her POVs are for (which you’ll get…..eventually!)! :’D

Also, getting this chapter a liiiiittle early because…..I finished some other chapters pretty fast considering the restructuring I had to do ajsfdklj TT0TT  Anyway….

*sprays Rangi with water* Down girl. *sprays Kyoshi too* You too! 

_________

Early morning rays seeped into Kyoshi’s room. The beam slowly maneuvered its way across her bed and over her eyes. It was as if the sun had a vendetta against the tall girl.

Kyoshi’s eyebrows furrowed over the sudden intrusion, and she went to move one of her arms to lay across her face, but found them both to be preoccupied. With great effort, and great resentment to the floating orb in the sky, she opened her eyes.

Kyoshi was on her back in bed, a normal and everyday occurrence. However, there was something different about this morning. One that sent Kyoshi instantly to cloud nine.

Nuzzled up against her side, with a possessive arm and leg flung over Kyoshi, was Rangi. The firebender was fast asleep, her face nuzzled into the base of Kyoshi’s neck, murmuring every so often. The sound of it reverberated through Kyoshi’s body like a drum, bouncing back and forth in tandem with the heat Rangi also radiated.

 Kyoshi held her by the waist with one arm, and held the thigh of the leg that was slung over her stomach with the other; there to keep Rangi firmly in place. Rangi did her part too, as she grounded and clung to Kysohi’s body fiercely even in her sleep.

Memories of last night’s bliss began to flood Kyoshi’s mind, and she hummed contently. She could get use to this. 

Kyoshi’s cheek rested on top of Rangi’s head, she moved her head down to get a better look at the room, and to kiss Rangi’s soft hair. They made sure to take it out of its intricate style before falling asleep. The hairpins and ties were still on Kyoshi’s night stand. 

Kyoshi looked towards the door, Rangi’s dress and the towel laid near it. The dress was ruined beyond all repair, but the towel could probably still be salvaged. Kyoshi resisted the urge to go over and clean up the mess. 

Rangi made another noise and nuzzled closer- as if it was possible to get closer, the girl was practically welded to Kyoshi’s body already- into Kyoshi’s neck. Kyoshi took the hand that was on Rangi’s waist, and rubbed up and down from her waist to her hip in a soothing fashion. Rangi sighed contently and seemed to return to a restful sleep.

Kyoshi smiled and stopped the motion, instead choosing to play with the fabric of the tunic and trousers she’d given Rangi to wear. Kyoshi was certain they were two sizes too big for the firebender, the girl was practically swimming in Kyoshi’s clothes. 

Kyoshi could only imagine how funny and adorable Rangi would look walking around the estate looking like that.

Then Kyoshi stopped breathing for a moment.

Wait, THE ESTATE!

Panic shot through her. It was daylight, which meant the estate’s staff were going to wake up soon, if they weren’t already up. How was she going to sneak Rangi back to her room? She couldn’t go back looking like this, it’d dishonor her! They needed to get up! She needed to get Rangi back to her room! She-

Rangi shifted in her sleep again, and the head hole of the too large tunic fell around one of her shoulders.

Kyoshi stared at the unguarded flesh, completely forgetting whatever she was thinking about. Kyoshi lifted her hand from Rangi’s waist, and proceeded to trace patterns onto her shoulder. Mesmerized.

“That tickles you jerk,” Rangi mumbled, bemused.

Kyoshi flinched, startled. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

Rangi hummed. “Not really, I think I’ve been awake for a while.”

Kyoshi raised an eyebrow. “Oh really?”

“Yeah I just didn’t want to get up. If I’m being honest, I was hoping I’d fall back asleep.”

Kyoshi let out a gasp of mock shock. “Sleeping in? No way! Who are you and what have you done with Rangi?”

Rangi laughed and shifted to prop herself up on one of her elbows. She looked at Kyoshi with warm eyes. Like melting chocolate. “Can you blame me? Not wanting to leave your side?”

Kyoshi stared at the beautiful girl next to her in reverence. “No, because I feel the same way.”

Kyoshi watched as Rangi’s expression changed, it shimmered from tender and chaste to something of wanting. She watched as Rangi’s lips slowly parted, and her eyes gazed down towards Kyoshi’s lips. Kyoshi started to lean in when Rangi put her hand on Kyoshi’s chest, stopping her. 

Rangi smiled mischievously, and then moved her body so she was sitting up, straddling Kyoshi’s hips. She closed her eyes and started pushing her hair back, combing her fingers through it. Seemingly unaware of how hot and bothered Kyoshi was getting.

“Now look at me. You’ve made me derelict to my duties.” Once she was finished with her hair, she placed a hand on Kyoshi’s chest and leaned forward, towering over her. “Now how are you going to take responsibility?”

Kyoshi gazed up at Rangi and gulped. Unsure of what to do, she grabbed Rangi by the hips. 

Rangi hummed and leaned closer. “Bold move.”

Their lips were just ghosting over each other's when a gong rang out, indicating that the day was starting for a lot of the staff.

Saved by the bell? No, more like ruined by the damn bell.

The two scrambled to get out of bed as Kyoshi groaned and Rangi laughed. Rangi’s hand shot for the nightstand and tried to get her topknot back in order, and Kyoshi tried to gather the damaged clothes. 

Kyoshi watched as Rangi finished with her topknot and started walking towards her. She watched as Rangi’s leg brushed up against the bed a bit, and saw the wince and hiss of air that came from Rangi.

Kyoshi dropped what she was doing and quickly made her way to Rangi’s side. “What’s the matter?”

Rangi waved her away as she made a motion to grab her leg, and then stopped. But it was too late, Kyoshi already noticed something was up. “It’s nothing, don't worry about it.”

Kyoshi made her sit on the bed, they’d deal with the walk of shame later, she needed to treat Rangi if she was hurt.

“Don’t move,” Kyoshi ordered, she received a sigh from Rangi, but the firebender complied. Kyoshi slowly rolled up the black pant leg until she was met with resistance and a flinch from Rangi.

“Sorry, I thought it stopped bleeding before I put them on…..”

Bleeding?! Kyoshi tried not to rush, and gently pried the fabric away from this surprise wound. 

When she finally managed to roll the fabric over Rangi’s knee, Kyoshi was met with an unpleasant looking cut.

Rangi made a sucking noise with her teeth. “Oh…. right…. I forgot about that.”

“Forgot?!” Kyoshi cursed herself for not realizing Rangi was injured earlier. How could she have not seen it?! Then she remembered she made a point to look away when Rangi was changing, to give her privacy, thus missing her opportunity to have noticed it sooner. “Who did this to you?”

“Myself, I dropped a glass at the party and….just forgot,” Rangi shrugged.

“For-ugh, what?! How can you just forget?”

“I had something more important on my mind,” Rangi shrugged again.

“What was so important?!” Kyoshi was starting to get a little angry. How could Rangi just disregard her own wellbeing like that. 

Rangi leaned back on her hands, the neckline of the shirt falling so far down her shoulder that it teased showing her bindings. “You.” She picked up her good foot and rubbed it along Kyoshi’s forearm, teasing her. “I needed to get to you.”

Kyoshi’s face got hot and then she gulped, remembering Rangi’s confession from the night before. 

She pressed the back of her hand to her mouth, trying to cover her blush, and stood up. “Stay there. If you don’t then….then I’ll-I won’t talk to you for a week!”

Rangi pouted at that. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to run and get a basin of water and some soap, we need to clean that wound.”

Rangi sighed, “We’re going to be late.”

“We’re already late, what’s a little longer?” Kyoshi shrugged. Then a smile broke across her face. “Plus, it’s me who’s late. I don’t think anyone else knows you’re here. You can probably just stay in here and just wait until I come back.” 

Kyoshi looked at Rangi’s wide eyes, and Kyoshi matched it. Along with her blush growing stronger as she thought of Rangi being in her room the entire day. Or whatever the proposition might’ve sounded like. Almost like a husband coming home to see their wife after a long day’s work. “Or not! I dunno-I’m going to go get some water!”

Kyoshi hurried through the door, and swore she heard Rangi snort with laughter as she left.

______

“So why do you have a medical kit in your room?” Rangi asked, fiddling with a bottle of salve while Kyoshi dabbed the soapy water onto her leg.

“Because I’m clumsy?” 

Rangi raised an eyebrow. “Is ‘clumsy’ another name that Aoma brat goes by?” 

Kyoshi rolled her eyes as she took the bottle from Rangi and dabbed the salve onto the wound. “No…… But… yes, sometimes the village kids give me issues. But you’d be surprised how clumsy I can be.”

“Enlighten me,” Rangi looked unamused.

“Well, a few weeks ago I walked into the shed and stepped on a rake and it flew up and hit me in the face!” Kyoshi grinned as she started wrapping Rangi’s leg. 

Rangi bit her lip trying not to smile. 

“Oh and then just the other day I was daydreaming and accidentally poured a third of the koi feed into the pond without realizing,” Kyoshi laughed as she finished tying up the bandage.

Rangi giggled, “Really? What were you daydreaming about?”

Kyoshi placed a hand on Rangi’s knee and rested her cheek on it. She looked up at Rangi. “Thinking of your body against mine back at the iceberg.”

Rangi’s body tensed and her breath hitched. Kyoshi moved her free hand and caressed Rangi’s other knee. Then she slowly moved her hand up her thigh. “Your lips on my hand.”

She moved her hand up Rangi’s hip, then to the hem of the shirt. Fingers sliding underneath the fabric, and licking at the abs underneath. Rangi shuddered and drew a haggard breath. “What’d it’d feel like to actually kiss you.”

She slowly sat up and started to close the distance from where she knelt, Rangi bent forward in response, placing a hand under Kyoshi’s chin and-

“Kyoshi?! Kyoshi? Are you in there? Are you awake yet?” a voice accompanied by knocking rang from Kyoshi’s door.

Kyoshi jolted from surprise and fell backwards, crashing onto the floor and knocking into the basin. Water splashed all over Kyoshi and the floor.

“Kyoshi?! Are you ok in there? What was that?” There was a sound of the door about to be open.

“I’M FINE! I’LL BE RIGHT THERE!” Kyoshi all but screeched as she scrambled up to stop the door from being open. Rangi quickly ran to the blindspot behind the door, and Kyoshi kicked Rangi’s dress over to her as she opened the door.

“Kyoshi? You still haven’t gotten up?” Rin, another maid that Kyoshi worked with, asked. Her eyes widened at the state Kyoshi and her room, at least what she could see of it, was. “What happened to you?!”

“Roughnight,” Kyoshi said a little too fast.

“Oh…. I see.. Um, why is your face all red?”

“Sunburnt!”

“Oh, get some ointment on that then. Ugh, spirits, open a window too! Why is it so hot in your room?”

“P-poor ventilation?” Come to think of it, Rangi did emit a lot of heat. Kyoshi was enjoying it too much to realize the difference until now. 

Rin grimaced. “That’s the worst. Anyway, Auntie Mui wants you in the kitchen, I think she has a list of errands for you.”

“Ok, thanks Rin! I’ll get on that in a moment!” 

“Alright, just be quick, you know how she gets-”

Kyoshi slammed the door a little too forcefully. She waited until she heard the footsteps were far enough away before she turned around. When she turned to her left and saw Rangi crouched over into a ball, shaking and trying to stifle her laughter. 

Kyoshi pointed an accusing finger at her. “D-don’t laugh! Y-your the one who forced your way in last ni-night! Y-you take responsibility!” 

Rangi kept laughing as she stood up, and then placed a hand on Kyoshi’s chest and pushed her into a wall. “Oh, I’ll gladly take responsibility. All night long if you want.” She gave a semi-chaste kiss to Kyoshi’s neck, and then blew an air of steam onto the taller girl.

Kyoshi’s eyes swirled and was about to lose herself when Rangi took a step back. “Now get dressed, I don’t want you getting into trouble with Auntie Mui.”

“I can do that after I escort you back-”

Rangi put a finger to Kyoshi’s lips. “I can sneak back on my own.”

“What if you get caught?” Kyoshi mumbled through her finger.

“I know how to not get caught,” Rangi had said with a wink as she left Kyoshi's room with a sway to her hips. “See you later.”

Kyoshi stood there, wet, frazzled, and a big mess to clean up. 

Sigh….I wish I was a waterbender…..

________

“I can’t believe you’re coming with me to the village,” Kyoshi looked down at Rangi. The firebender was in her training gear, which was just a sleeveless red tunic and some red trousers. Apparently her heirloom armor was back with Pengpeng at the moment. Kyoshi didn’t mind, it allowed her to enjoy Rangi’s biceps in the daylight. 

“What’s so hard to believe?” 

“I mean, I don’t think you or Yun have ever left the mansion and gone into the village,” Kyoshi ran through her two years of memories but came up blank. 

“Well, if Yun can’t leave, I can’t leave,” she shrugged.

Kyoshi’s brow furrowed. “But Yun’s not here right now? How did you get away?”

She watched as Rangi’s face tensed just a bit, and then it relaxed. “I asked my mother for help, she’s guarding him while I was allowed to be dismissed.”

“Oh, that’s good! I was afraid you might’ve gotten into trouble,” Kyoshi sighed in relief. 

“Enough talking about that, where do we have to go?” 

Kyoshi looked at her list. “I have a list of ingredients to pick up. I think Auntie Mui wants to go all out with dinner tonight.”

Rangi leaned over, allowing her arm and head to rest lightly against Kyoshi’s body, as she looked over the list herself. “That’s a lot, it’s a good thing I’m here. I can help you carry it.”

“Hmmmm,” Kyoshi reached over and grabbed Rangi’s biceps, and gave it a light squeeze. “Yes, yes, I think you're strong enough to handle a part of my workload!”

Rangi raised an eyebrow, and flexed her muscles. The arm instantly turned into steel in Kyoshi’s hand, and Kyoshi felt her heart lurch. 

“Ok, you could….probably handle….all of my workload,” Kyoshi gulped. 

_________________________________

“They-guh-seriously make you do this all the time?” Rangi huffed as placed down the final crate near the back kitchen entrance.

“Not all the time, but this is usually what it entails when I have to make a trip to the village,” Kyoshi admired the way sweat glistened off of Rangi’s face and shoulders. “On the brightside, since you’re here it’s only taking me three trips instead of six!”

“Fantastic,” Rangi said with no humor in her voice as she stretched her arms. “Thank the spirits that was the last trip.” 

“Tell me about it! My arms were getting tired!” Kyoshi placed the last jar down next to Rangi’s crate. The kitchen staff would come up and take the rest of it down when they were ready.

“Gah, no wonder you’re late sometimes,” Rangi looked at Kyoshi unbelievably.

“Does that mean you’ll ease up on me?” Kyoshi asked brightly.

Rangi pursed her lips and tapped her chin, pretending to be deep in thought. “Nope.”

Kyoshi’s eyes widened and took a step back in shock. “Nope?!”

“Nope,” Rangi confirmed as she walked over to straighten the lapels of Kyoshi’s robes. “I like it when people push themselves and work hard.” She finished straightening the robes with a final, hard tug. Then she looked up at Kyoshi with batting eyelashes. “I think it’s admirable.”

Kyoshi gulped. She found that she suddenly had the energy to make eight more trips, or even climb the nearby mountain. 

“Hey, Kyoshi!” a voice called.

Rangi's hands quickly moved her hands behind her back, standing at attention like she usually did.

It’s just interruptions after interruptions today…. Kyoshi thought bitterly. She knew it was probably better if they weren’t too flirty out in the open like that, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to show or receive affection.

“Hi, Lee,” Kyoshi said, turning to him. 

“You finished pretty fast today, I’m impressed! Now you have time to clean the-” he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Rangi behind Kyoshi.

Kyoshi wondered if it was because they may not have been introduced to each other yet. She never really saw Rangi chatting with the staff so perhaps that was the case? “Um, Rangi, Lee. Lee, Rangi.”

“Kyoshi, we know each other,” Rangi said dryly.

That…would make sense. While she never saw Rangi talk with other staff, it didn’t mean Rangi didn’t ever. Maybe it was when Kyoshi wasn’t around? “Oh, I didn’t realize.”

“I usually see him when I need to talk to Auntie Mui,” she clarified.

“Oh? I didn’t know you were that close with her.” Kyoshi was really surprised now! Rangi approaching someone else like that? She wondered what they talked about.

“I…..I sometimes have questions for her, that’s all,” Kyoshi could’ve sworn she heard Rangi stutter for a moment. She was really curious now, but decided to press her about it at a different time. Instead, Kyoshi turned her attention back to Lee. 

Lee was wearing the biggest shit eating grin Kyoshi had ever seen. 

Well that can’t be good.

“So, Kyoshi,” he started, his voice sounding like it was barely containing a giggle. “Have you told Rangi about your little song?”

Kyoshi’s heart stopped for a moment, and the blood started to drain from her face. She’d forgotten about the damn poem-song-whatever! She knew Rangi felt the same way about her, and she’d already spent two nights in the same bed together, only one being with them officially being together but still!….But all that didn’t mean the song wasn’t embarrassing! If he started singing it, she may die on the spot!

There’s also the fact that Rangi and her hadn’t exactly talked about how they wanted to express their relationship. Kyoshi didn’t know if blaring her unfiltered feelings about the girl for the whole estate to hear would be crossing the line or not. 

Rangi looked at her, head tilted in curiosity. She rested one elbow in one hand, and rested her hand on her face with the other. “No, no I don’t think I have. You wrote a song?”

Kyoshi started to sweat. Rangi was only asking because she didn’t know the song was about her! 

“It’s-I-it was on the spot?” Kyoshi didn’t know what to say, or how to get out of this situation. Besides throwing Rangi over her shoulder and hightailing it out of there. But that would’ve caused some rumors. Well….more rumors than she already had going on. 

“Oh, but it was a lovely song!” Lee batted his eyelashes. “I can sing it if you want.”

“S-she doesn’t want to hear that-”

“I think I do, actually,” Rangi cut in. “Please, Lee, enlighten me!” 

Kyoshi felt herself turn to stone as Lee sang, off-key. She was becoming one with earth, returning to the ground from whence she came.

Rangi smirked as she gave Lee a lazy clap, as Lee gave a flourishing bow in return.

“So what did you think of the song, Rangi?” Lee looked at her expectantly. 

Rangi tapped her chin, thinking. “Very catchy. Tell me, Kyoshi, what inspired you to write this?”

Insanity apparently.

“I-....it was in the moment,” Kyoshi barely forced out without stuttering. She was starting to sweat nervously. 

Rangi’s eyes widened, genuine surprise on her face. “Really? It was all improvised?” 

“Bah! Don’t worry about that!” Lee waved his hands. “Did the song remind you of anything?” 

Lee stole a glance at Kyoshi and waggled his eyebrows at her, and the remaining blood drained from Kyoshi’s face, she definitely looked like a bloodless ghost now. She was going to deck him onto his ass the first chance she got

Rangi tilted her head, confused. “Hm? No, why?”

Lee’s smile faltered. “Because I’m pretty sure it was based on someone!”

Rangi closed her eyes and thought. “The spirit of one of the Eastern Earth Kingdom islands?”

Kyoshi sighed in relief. The spirits weren’t forsaking her today.

“What?! No! Why-”

“Because that spirit is known for wielding bronze daggards?”

Lee spluttered. “No! It’s someone who’s lives here-”

“The Avatar is back!” someone shouted.

Kyoshi, Rangi, and Lee looked upward and saw a bison approaching. Kyoshi grinned. Both from being saved from further embarrassment, and because her other friend was back.

“C’mon, let’s go greet them!” Kyoshi exclaimed as she grabbed Rangi’s hand. As they ran, she could’ve sworn she heard Rangi click her tongue. 

_______

“Avatar. Masters,” Kyoshi and Rangi said in unison as they approached the bison and bowed. They’re faces back to their usual business expression.

Yun looked at them and gave them a subdued smile, which stretched out into his usual grin. 

“It’s great seeing my two favorite girls again!” He held his arms outstretched and ran to them, wrapping one arm below Kyoshi’s shoulders, the highest he could reach, and the other around the top of Rangi’s. Kyoshi could’ve sworn she heard Rangi make a noise, but it was so small it could’ve been the wind.

Yun turned to Kyoshi first. “Everything running smoothly still? Master Kelsang is recovering well?”

“Yes, I think he’ll be able to leave the infirmary soon!” Kyoshi grinned. Kelsang’s wounds had been looking so much better since the iceberg. He looked like he would make a full recovery soon.

Yun smiled at her. “That’s great to hear, I can’t wait to see him up and around the mansion again.” 

Yun turned to Rangi and put a hand on her shoulder, his smile disappearing and a worried look replaced it. “How about you, Rangi? Are you feeling ok?”

Rangi gave him a rare, extra friendly smile. “Of course, never better.”

Yun returned the smile and squeezed her shoulder gently. “That’s good, I was worried when Hei-Ran said you felt so ill that you had to leave.”

Kyoshi looked at Rangi, shocked. Had she felt ill? Did Kyoshi miss that too? But didn’t Rangi say she came here to see Kyoshi? Was that a lie, or did she lie to the Avatar so she could see Kyoshi? What was going on?

Kyoshi glanced over at the Masters, but they didn't seem to care about what was going on with the teenagers in front of them. So Kyoshi decided it was just her imagination running wild.

Rangi kept her smile up. “Yes, I was feeling under the weather, must’ve been the rain. I’m feeling much better now.”

“Then I suppose you wouldn’t mind helping everyone unpack, right? Since you’re feeling better?”

“Of course not, it’d be my pleasure.”

Kyoshi watched as her two friends exchanged pleasant smiles, and then watched as Rangi walked over to Pengpeng. 

Yun turned back to Kyoshi. “Kyoshi, if I could-”

“Kyoshi! There you are, Auntie Mui needs-” Rin stopped in her tracks as she rounded the corner. She didn’t realize the Avatar and his companions happened to be there. She bowed. “Avatar, Masters.”

Kyoshi turned to Yun. “Sorry Yun, is it-”

Yun put his hand up, “Don’t worry about it, go perform your duties. What I’d like to discuss can wait.”

As Kyoshi bowed in thanks and turned to leave, as she did, she could’ve sworn she heard a choking noise come from Rangi as the firebender lifted one of the luggages. She briefly wondered if it was her leg, but when she looked at Rangi’s expression, it looked like the firebender was biting back a smile.

_________________________

A/N: So like…..looking at the text, I don’t think Rangi nor Yun have EVER gone into the village during the whole two years they’ve lived there. I mean, they’ve left the mansion, but like to go to other places. Not to go into town. It’s the only thing that makes sense, such as Aoma’s gang never confronting Rangi before and Rangi only just now catching Aoma’s name (that we know about, I WOULD NOT be surprised if Rangi did some little midnight info digging jksajdf). 

I mean it makes sense. Yun can’t leave, so Rangi can’t leave. I think Generations had a few scenarios where they do go into town, but I THINK that’s after the jar incident. Pre-jar incident they never do (so works in Generations canon and can fit into RoK). But yeah, I’m going off the text and that’s what I get from it. 

[night-dark-woods]

5, 7, 15 for the fic asks!!

thank you!!! this got extremely long.

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

oooh hm. idk about Never, but ive been rotating the idea of Chalco and Aunor interacting bc the different ways they orbit around Ikora FASCINATE me, and the things that have been asked of them are very different. it would have to be epistolary i think and while i DO think i have enough primary sources to get their voices and values alright (letters from Aunor etc, and then WQCE my beloved), im not confident in my ability to do epistolary, & also i'd need something specific for them to argue about (that i also am interested enough in to litigate thru character POVs).

i've yet to decide if I'm accepting the TFS ending cutscene panel where Ikora is using strand, bc im suuuper ambivalent on Ikora using any darkness subclass- i need to re-listen to a bunch more post-campaign stuff to see how i feel about it, bc i know she talks to Mara a LOT in mission voicelines, and i think a lot of their past conflict has been over Mara's antipathy towards the Light & focus on balance over sheer faith in the Traveler (not religious Faith-faith, as we've talked abt before, bc i dont think Ikora sees the Traveler as a *god* like Zavala does- it's like gravity or thermodynamics its simply *true,* and can be explained. its not something that requires faith or sacrifice.)

but if i decide to accept that as canon then i think that would make a FASCINATING argument because Aunor has been Ikora's hunting dog for YEARS, cold-blooded killer putting down guardians who fall to darkness, and i think the sheer betrayal (from Aunor's POV) of Ikora changing her position on that would cause SUCH a crisis of faith for Aunor (what does that mean for what she's done in Ikora's name? what does that mean for how she can live with the weight of it?), and i think constrasting that with Chalco being Ikora's right-hand man (her silly rabbit / does she call you that / no) BUT without the blind loyalty that Petra has for Mara ("you are not the queen and i am NOT one of her cadre") could be sooo fun bc it wouldn't be a simple "Aunor mutiny Chalco loyal." i just dont know if Actually Writing it will provide more enrichment for me than just rotating the concept in my head.

that got long!!! and also ive partially convinced myself to work on it eventually lol.

anyway. that's the main one that i can think of, that isnt a "this scenario sounds hot BUT i dont want to write it bc there isnt enough character work to make the logistical nightmare of writing porn worth it" LMFAO

7. How many ideas for fics do you have right now?

5-ish?

- Elsie&Amanda (nicknamed "horsegirl movie but its a robot with dysphoria") where Elsie needs help fixing some part of her body and she can't do it by herself for some reason and then has to deal with the fact that Amanda regards her body with a simple honest appreciation that Elsie will NEVER feel for herself bc of when and how she became an exo!!! her own mother calls her body a "walking lazaretto" and she watched her father die horribly for this technology!!! god!!!

- Ikora's fight with Madhir & how she let him eat her ability to want anything. god. Ikora Rey woman that you are. also inspired by the way the demon works in dunmeshi bc i think the Ahamkara should work more like that. fuck monkey's paw genie trick wishes, getting exactly what you wished for and in doing so losing part of Who You Are is so much better. the Ahamkara aren't evil tricksters they are PREDATORS they are the very tippy top of the food chain and as dunmeshi says. to eat is the sole privilege of the living. there is no moral weight to that no matter how violent and that makes the violence of it far more interesting!!!

- somewhere between 3 and 5 high-concept porn fics, 2 at WIP stage and several that may or may not get written, all Petra-centric bc i (and Jackie) love to put that dyke in situations (all have Mara/Petra/Sjur as a given established relationship, the two WIPs are focused on Mara/Petra and Petra/Sjur & the ones that may just stay as ideas have bonus Petra/Amrita(/other corsairs) & Petra(/Sjur)/Amanda)

15. How do you come up with titles for your fics/chapters?

song lyrics mostly!!! often the one i was listening to a lot while writing/thinking about it, or one that makes me feel like that post thats like "song that reminds me of my favorite character comes on and i make the most unwell expression known to man."

the problem is i want the vibe of the whole song to mostly fit which means i've recently become aware that i nearly exclusively listen to sad music, apparently, bc i could not find a Single Song i like that fit the very fluffy/conflict-free Amanda/Sloane fic i wrote recently, so instead its both a line from the fic and a bit of a pun on the content lol: follow-through (impact play)

[therealvinelle]

Are there any characters in Twilight (or Harry Potter) you'd love to write more of but they just don't fit in your fics ?

I think Billy Black, Didyme, and maybe Jasper.

Billy

He's just such a bittersweet character to me, he tries to do the right thing at every turn during the series and he never prevails, barely even catches any breaks. From his best friend's daughter falling in with vampires, to Jacob getting involved with her and subsequently heartbroken, to whatever he thought of the Embry question (we have two options: either Billy didn't father him but he has to live with the fact that people will always wonder, or Billy did father him and he finds this out in the worst way possible (For the record, I'm inclined against Billy being father - he's the very honorable sort, I don't think he'd keep mum unless he knew it was old Uley)), to one of his two best friends dying in a way that traumatizes both his children, to Jacob imprinting on a half-vampire demon baby and becoming her slave:

Billy can't catch a break.

So I like the character, feel terrible for him and I don't see a lot of good Billy fic, but I haven't been able to put him in anything. This, admittedly, is partly because putting him in my fic would mean making his life worse, so he's really better off without.

Didyme

Her absence is so keenly felt in mine and @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin's fics that she's kind of a character already, she's just never had any screentime. How do you include a character who's dead millennia before canon even starts?

There have been ideas, ranging from oneshots set in the early Volturi aughts to time travel fics to "And then Didyme finally escaped the bear dimension", but nothing has come of it.

She remains a great character who exists entirely off screen.

Jasper and Rosalie

I don't know, I just feel Jasper slips off stage in every fic, he's a keenly felt personality and one I enjoy writing but with the exception of The Less Than Immaculate Conception and arguably For the Love of a Woman he just says "peace out" every time.

Rosalie I love so much, but I can't write her so I just sit and cry and once had to scrap an entire Rosalie POV chapter because it simply wasn't working.

[cabeswaterdrowned]

solace and jasico for the ship think im evil and shit

wrote this last month before I lost access from traveling here is everything I wrote then.

Solangelo

Why don’t you ship it? — I did ship it when I originally read BOO when I was in the seventh grade, because I wanted Nico to be happy and Will was presented as something that would help that. Then I remember liking them a bit less when I first read THO when it came out, not to the extent of hate or anything (and I wouldn’t call it a solid notp or anything now I’m just not particularly fond of it at this time) just found the timeline of them getting together to be rushed and I didn’t love their interactions (not going to speak on what exactly I felt about them because first time reading THO was a blur for me, my feelings on reread are more important to this matter anyway). In the time between then and my reread of the first two series + continuation of ToA this year I was mostly fine with them in theory, but occasionally was a little annoyed by how overrated the dynamic and Will as a character seemed to me from what I could see as I’m always very multifandom and keep pjo fandom on my radar as one of my formatives but was mainly focusing my energy on other media during that time.

When rereading Boo and THO I found their dynamic.. not very appealing in the scenes we get. I can like vitriolic banter when it’s done well but the way it was introduced for Will and Nico in boo came off more as Will being pretty bossy/condescending towards Nico and Nico reacting to that with annoyance + some of his usual becomes-attached-to-anyone-who-shows-any-signs-of-potentially-wanting-him-around thing which is IC for him, but it’s not an introduction I appreciate for one of my favorite chars ever’s endgame canon romance. Other people have made longer posts about this + the general solangelo canon dynamics and implications re: ableism but Will’s dismissiveness toward Nico’s feelings of being ostracized from the camp wasn’t endearing to me either. THO followed the same pattern of their ‘banter’ falling flat for me and reading more as two people kind of disliking each other and not in a fun interesting way like I sometimes go for, and to be fair I think the fact we first see them as an official couple from Apollo’s pov might contribute to this for me, because we don’t have Nico or Will’s narration to make the dynamic feel more lived in and Rick just generally isn’t great at writing couple dialogue for anyone but Percabeth/Fierrochase (and even Percabeth had some dud scenes aka. the Percabeth scenes in boo that are from Piper’s pov so.) And again, I just don’t like the condescension from Will’s end or how pushy he can be about Nico’s boundaries in some scenes. ToN was slightly better in that I think as a duo they were incorporated naturally into a plot (also was just so happy about the Nico and Rachel interactions I was like the the Solangelo here is fine it can be there too hebrew). However two books where I disliked the dynamic + a book where I was neutral + what I’ve seen of the fandom which.. yeah. Ultimately I just don’t enjoy them as a ship at

this time

2.What would have made you like it?

This is an interesting question for this ship in particular because there actually is a book coming out that if things go a certain way could make me like the ship.

I’ll start with changes that could have been made

to what’s already canon. This particular brand of grumpy one sunshine one dynamic is an idea/trope that I just have found less compelling the more time I’ve spent in fandom, so I would play up a subversion of that to start. There is something to Will being a bit more stubborn/intense than you’d expect I just wish that wasn’t presented in him bossing Nico around/telling him His perceptions of Nico’s problems like they’re fact, generally being very I-know-what’s-best-for-you. Maybe if their introduction in boo had them clashing over just different approaches to the battle at hand but not being able to help admire each other even though they’re so different, and then I think setting up them getting together as a slow burn over the course of ToA could’ve worked nicely and the antagonistically working together dynamic could’ve come off far better if they were written as two friends not yet together but with some tension kind of dancing around their actual feelings. Some scenes I had problems with also could’ve been better to me if this was the current dynamic ex: I really didn’t like the scene where Will comments about the kid from the Ares cabins arms and they again ‘banter’ but with what we know of Nico’s insecurities/abandonment issues it comes off (to me) as a scene where he’s genuinely stressed and Will either isn’t cognizant of that or is ignoring it which seems off for a couple who are together / annoys me on Nico’s behalf, but if it were a scene where they weren’t actually together yet it could

 make sense as Will testing to see how Nico reacts/if he likes him based on his reaction and I’d feel better about it. Things like that. And Rick clearly knew how to write this type of bickering dynamic in slow burn for Percabeth so I think maybe this could’ve turned out a lot better. 

Where we are in their story how I could be made to change my tune about their dynamic in TSATS:  will say I’d be a lot more optimistic about the book being able to make me like them if the premise was different, the fact that it’s (at least being pitched this way the actual book could obviously be pretty different) about Tartarus testing the strength of their relationship when we haven’t gotten a first hand experience of that relationship and it’s strengths and flaws other than what can be gleaned from conjecture (which ultimately is why views on the ship are so polarizing, they’re underwritten in canon so readers can interpret things a lot of ways depending on what’s there + how generous or not they are with it). That aside I think since for me the dynamic was a little better in ToN than it had been in the past framing some of their previous interactions as a beginning stage of their relationship they’ve since grown from and in the present Will is supportive in a way that’s less.. overbearing from my pov + we see both of them work for a good relationship (and the things Nico has to work on aren’t framed as ‘it’s Nico’s fault he doesn’t have that many good relationship ‘he needs to work on his people skills’ etc.) I could like it more. I also think seeing Will interact with more important parts of Nico’s life like Hazel or his father or Reyna could help add interesting interactions and conflicts. Another thing I disliked about ToA was how distanced Nico seemed from Hazel and Reyna / it seeming like he didn’t meet them after the war… *sigh* keeping myself from going on a tangent anyway. Ideally I would like the book to make their relationship interesting and compelling, I need it to show me how they work/are a good fit as partners and mainly make me feel good about Will’s place in Nico’s arc. Hopefully I get shippy feelings / emotional attachment from them in the book (I’m keeping my expectations low a) because I like to purposefully keep my expectations low for certain things so I’m not disappointed a habit I developed shortly after BOO was released lol, if it’s fantastic my low expectations can only lead me being more blown away so win-win b)like I said it isn’t a type of dynamic I’m very into these days even if tje execution is made to work now) but what matters most is that I feel good enough about it as a part of Nico’s arc since I don’t even concretely feel that way now. No Will-is-Nico’s-savior/solves all his problems trope. Hopefully no “doctors orders” bit either 

3.Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

I am here for the implication that Will has had a crush on Nico for a while before Nico noticed him, I think in a way it’s good for Nico to experience someone not needing to warm to him to see him as worthy of being into and just wanting him in general at the time he meets Will. If the relationship was presented as just Nico seeing what being in a relationship where he’s someone else’s Percy in a sense is like and not his canon-sanctioned endgame like it’s meant to be I’d be a lot less critical of it.

Not necessarily something positive more negative things that I’ve seen said about the ship that I disagree with: 1) It’s not an abusive relationship based on anything in canon 2) I’ve seen people say it’s ooc for Nico to be into Will/want to start a relationship with him so soon and that’s not my issue with anything, again it’s very Nico to latch onto attachments I just haven’t seen any evidence this relationship is good for him 

Jasico

What made you ship it?

I remember when I first read HoH and Boo there were scenes where I thought they had interesting chemistry/found something of interest in the idea but back then as a kid I really hated Jason so ultimately still didn’t want it to happen/invest more interest in it On reread I really started to become actively interested in it / feel things in the Jason pov section directly after the (ugh) Cupid scene section. The scene where they have that balcony argument / tense conversation about belonging/fitting in where Nico voices how Jason has never been unfairly reviled because of who his father is only idolized for it vs later when Jason reflects on this and actually envies Nico’s freedom of expectations as much as Nico envies the respect Jason gets, the more I’ve thought about it the more the ideas behind their arcs are interesting foils to one another which is something that automatically does a lot to appeal a ship to me. And generally this establishes something that really appealed to me which was Nico opening up more to Jason than he does to others and Jason being a lot more expressive/engaged in around or about Nico. Then after that the chalice scene is just.. really romantically coded like more than most scenes in hoo that are actually supposed to be romantic by a lot, and I’m a sucker for a display of trust that’s literally quite deranged (drinking poison because you want to be Very Good Friends with another man) in my ships too, so from there on I was gone and the more I actually thought about it the more reasons I found to be compelled but I’ll get into that more in part 2. Also Generally the way they describe each other at points in HoH and Boo is insane which is also worth mentioning.

2.What are your favorite things about the ship?The dynamic appeals to a lot of tropes or ideas/narrative markers I go for in ships in general, what I said about narrative foils is a huge draw for me so is characters going from disliking each other to comrades/allies to establishing more trust to friends, prep x goth ship. I love the care present in how they think of/worry about each other throughout boo, also easy to read yearning vibes into it especially from Jason’s side in pov. Honestly the fact that they’re both repressed as fuck but different ways is so fun to me because soo much potential for pining and slow burn and angst/insecurity all of my fav things lol and now that I’ve started reading some fics really respect how much writers go all in for these things w the pairing. As an opposites attract pairing there’s a lot I love about the idea of two people who are othered in different ways in seemingly opposite ways like Nico has been ostracized and underestimated and felt excluded or undervalued in relationships while Jason tends to be a put on a pedestal for who his dad is and being idolized in relationships can also be stifling/harmful, so there’s something very compelling about that idea combined with certain other parallels like they both have sisterly abandonment issues etc. for similar circumstances. I think a lot of Jason’s dynamics are hard for me to fully connect with and in general his POV is hard to connect with because he’s so passive in most dynamics/storylines, but the way he is about Nico post challice is very overexcited golden retriever energy, like very much the vibe of being oh so flattered that the cool mysterious boy has given the vaguest indication of ‘okay we can be friends I guess’ and then he’s just so over-the-top enthusiastic about Nico after that it’s so very funny, and I also do think it’s interesting to think about why that reaction exists. I said this before but I do like that Jason has to put in a bit of work for the relationship (specifying ‘a bit’ because the Cupid scene as a conduit for them to interact is lazy has a lot of issues (I was more willing to gloss over how that starts the dynamic on reread because on reread of this series in general I think most dynamics that weren’t pre-existing before the series or the Nico and Hazel/Reyna dynamics were jump started in lazy ways because Rick didn’t want to put thought into how they’d get to know each other, so it’s not a roadblock to me liking the ship like it probably was on first read, I see it as a featurebug of how the series was written rather than specific to the dynamic ) and Jason’s reaction was the bare minimum (but still would be important to Nico I think both things are true) so the ‘work’ I mean is mostly not giving up on reaching Nico afterwards) while Nico gets to be on the receiving end of support it’s not the role either of them usually take in a dynamic/storyline so I think it’s an interesting place for both characters. I think Nico would really benefit from being with someone that level of adoring and devoted to him who doesn’t overstep his boundaries (the bar is very low but I did also really like the difference between HoH where Nico snaps at Jason not to touch him without permission vs Boo where Jason really wants to hug Nico but holds himself back until Nico acquiesces verbally (and even being bare minimum I do feel a lot better about it compared to Will always telling Nico what to do grabbing his hand without permission etc. so lmao on that front) and getting to be the person who makes a very stoic buttoned-up person Worse/less sane, I just love how powerful he would feel thanks to making the golden boy worse lol. I think Jason symbolically sort of represents a lot of things Nico has always wanted, so I love the potential fulfillment for Nico’s narrative through this and like the validation of it 

. I also think the relationship from a story pov would have a lot of interesting ramifications for plot for being two big three kids and relationships with other characters like Reyna Hazel Percy Thalia Leo Piper etc. so I love thinking about that, and I think Nico would more naturally be involved in these dynamics if he was with Jason one of my gripes about canon rn is how Will is prioritized in ToA for Nico over all other relationships for no reason :/. Also the idea of Reyna shovel talking Jason is iconic. Really like I said I think on every level the more I think about it the more it makes sense and the more into it I am.

3.Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?we’ll just say that technically preferring Jasico to Solangelo is unpopular already. I do also think though that it being more interesting to me is partially just about Rick’s writing and how he tends to write relationships intended to be platonic as more interesting and having more chemistry than his romances that aren’t Percabeth and Fierrochase, and especially true for hoo pairings for instance the way Pipabeth or Pipeyna are developed as opposed to Jiper, Leo’s relationships with Jason or Frank as opposed to Calypso and Hazel etc. I do think that’s just a common feature in the way he writes dynamics.

Um. But also I felt much more passionate about all of this last month. I still stand by everything but after reading the tsats snippet in SoH that I read I’m kind of abandoning any of the optimism I had about it.

(Ship ask meme from a while back)

[thewatercolours]

6,11,14,15!

I'm answering specifically for Path of Kingship because it's stuck again. Just so you know, this gets wordy, and almost reads more like a brainstorming journal entry than a proper blog. Skipping or skimming this post is fine! Also warnings for possible, maybe-spoilers for the fic, because I don't know what will become canon and what won't. Thank you for indulging me with the ask - maybe having to write out my answers to this ask will help me think through it!

6. Is there a problem you are trying to solve?

So I could answer this in two senses. What's the problem that needs to be solved in story, and what's the problem I'm having in the writing process.

Hm - you know what? In story, I may be running into difficulty because there's most certainly a problem, but it's a problem Graham can't see. And so he's not actively working toward a solution. Thaaat could be throwing me off. Anyway, the problem he can't see is that he's living a sort of false version of what he'll do in a better way after the adventure with the goblins. He's trying to be his authentic self in his kingship rather than changing to fit people's expectations. But where he'll do that in an unselfish way later, at present he's doing in a blindly self-centred way. He doesn't realize anything's off with his guards and his staff even though they're in a bit of a crisis, because he's always off seeking challenges for his skills. He doesn't realize he's worsening relations with Serenia, which could potentially lead to an invasion because he's not keeping his eyes on his real responsibility - the good of his own people at home. But he thinks everything's hunky-dory, because everyone's trying to save him from the appearance of being a under his guard's thumb, so they don't correct him. So he's just kind of hanging out aimlessly, even as he's being very productive, and that's maybe slowing the momentum for me.

I wonder if another short interlude from someone who *does* see the problem might help, although I've kind of been doing that with brief guard perspectives, and it's not pushing the story forward. I wonder... Clockett's been a motive force in Graham's new way of doing things. Could I give him a pov in which he starts to notice what's going wrong, even if he's a bit blind to some of it, and maybe tries to course correct Graham as he heads out.

11. What’s going through each character’s head in this moment?

Graham: THIS is what I was meant for. Not paperwork - being a hero! I feel so free!

Clockett: I want to see if I can get away with designing a new crown of Daventry. There are probably a million addenda between me and that goal, but that never stopped me before.

Number One: It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. Just keep telling yourself that. Where he falls short, i can pick up the slack quietly. It's better than letting the world assume I'm controlling him. I am just going to keep biting my tongue and making this work.

Number Two: Can't believe Number One isn't hallucinating from sleep deprivation yet. I gotta come up with some way to convince him to take eight hours. Oh, also, we really need to hire a new Guard Number Three. That could help a lot.

14. What do you like about this WIP?

I think it has some memorable images. Crazy tollbooth going off with Graham dodging around for his life, moonlight chat with Triumph in his stall, improbable hair wash in a rocking chair in the stable, cloth of gold. It like playing around longform in a canon compliant way. I like how, in some passages at least, I really think I managed to convey the same feel that was in my imagination. I like the way I can use it both to explore canon and some things I went through myself a few years ago (though definitely not the same as Graham!) I like some of the fun I have with words and characters when writing it. It like the community aspect of sharing the story, some of the brainstorming you all have helped me do, encouragement, etc.

15. What about this WIP is ticking you off?

Just that I'm at such a loss for what even happens next?! The next chapter is helpfully outlined as, "SETTING: Shrine of the Shining Stars. Tollbooth's spiritual successor. Graham goes to the shrine to solve their problem, intending to be a big darn hero. He fails humourously, suspensefully, and thoroughly, in a way that also makes him realize he's no better off with this approach to kingship than the previous one. Also has to do with his bad eyesight." Wow, very specific.

Hm... the problem has to incorporate Graham's flawed approach. He has to fail in part because of it. Ways to incorporate it?

The Shrine, unlike these other adventures he's been having, could be in the heart of Daventry, just offscreen from where we've been in game. Could involve villagers/castle people.

Alternately, the Shrine could be in Serenia so as to highlight the deteriorating situation. Maybe Graham decides to sneak over the border in disguise so he can deal with the adventure easily rather than having to go through a lot of "foreign monarch visiting" red tape - and so he can avoid talking to people in Mannerly Stove, since he's border crossing? Ooh, he could get in some big trouble if the Serenians found out who he was. A foreign king who seemingly refuses to see your ambassadors, but sneaks into your kingdom in secret, is a big deal. And it ties into the themes.... Oooh.... Maaaybe?

I doubt Graham is the kind of silly boy who won't wear glasses because it doesn't fit his vibe (although Clockett might be of this persuasion), but I can see Graham being in denial about his eyesight getting worse (because what does that mean for his archery? No, no, nothing wrong with my eyes!) and just not following up on getting it checked. And that could lead to him missing an arrow shot at a crucial moment in this sequence. (Of course I eventually gotta fix his eyes so we can keep a bit canonical - maybe after this incident he can go get magic glasses from the Hobblepots. Glasses that will fix his eyes in a few months if he wears them consistently.) Ooh - thematically this has echoes! Graham's turning a blind eye to the realities at home - he doesn't see. It's an obvious bit of symbolism, but the fact it's occurring organically rather than planned makes me want to embrace it.

Hm. You know, this might have given me something to try. Thank you!

[lottieurl]

for the ask thing: taissa for taissa Tuesday!!!

first impression: like i said i will have the hardest time with this one because i watched it when s1 was airing and i have goldfish memory. but i remember thinking she's such a capricorn and an ex friend saying something about not liking her in a way that made me just think. well do you like ME cause you just listed my traits lmao oh and i was worried about what they plan to do with her after s1 finale ngl

impression now: this might be a great moment actually to discuss my feelings on s2 tai. i'm so very torn between like. agreeing that they didn't spend enough time on tai and there are issues with how her character is handled this season and.. connecting with tai so much more than ever before. like yes modern timeline tai was very much losing her grasp on her life from the very beginning of the show but she was so deeply in denial about it and was otherwise so successful and in a way that i just can't relate to because - sorry to slightly overshare (but hey what if someone needed to know that) - i dropped out of uni and my life very much didn't and isn't ever going how i planned it so i sometimes avoid characters like this because it can ignite a bit of.. shame. i guess. in me. with that out of the way. taissa who is so afraid of falling asleep? who doesn't trust her own self and is afraid of parts of herself? tai who represses to such a degree but can no longer hide it and it's getting out of hand and she's lost and she's reaching for the person who made it better years ago? oh THAT hits

favorite moment: HAPPY WIFE HAPPY LIFE. i mean that's what came to my mind first. the actual favourite moment i think is when she says "we hear the wilderness and it hears us" while shauna is giving birth. i think it's such a beautiful moment and it's so special and devastating and beautiful. like. i saw people call tai selfish and idk maybe i just relate to her too much and i'm just also selfish but i don't see her as selfish. she's a pragmatic and she oftentimes uses cynicism as a shield and she's really opinionated in a way that can be hurtful (like when she talks to van in s1 finale and at first is kind of shitty after van tells her about her near death experience. it's a scene i always cringe at because oh my god i was totally taissa in that moment many times in my life and i very much try not to be but yea it's kind of insensitive and kind of a know-it-all behavior and it's a character flaw that is so good i love you taissa) but like she is so protective and such a leader and she loves so fiercely when she lets herself and nothing devastates me more than thinking of her so scared for shauna's wellbeing that she's willing to do anything and pray to anyone who might be listening

idea for a story: oh i have one i am not sharing. only jas @lesbiantahani knows about that one because i'm still delusional and convinced i will write it eventually. anyway it's a wilderness tai pov thing is all i will say

unpopular opinion: idk if i have any? can't think of anything that i think is Unpopular necessarily

favorite relationship: VANTAI oh my god. i remember exactly when i decided oh i Love them when i first watched the show and it was doomcoming with tai making masks for them both to wear. i think depending on how they handle both their characters in the next seasons it could be one of my favorite canon wlw relationships really. because they are both such interesting characters in their own right which.. doesn't happen often tbh like i very rarely find both characters in a canon lesbian ship interesting enough SEPARATELY. like yes their dynamic is amazing but they'd be just as interesting if they weren't together because. how do i put it. their complexity as characters doesn't rely on each other? which i think last time i even said was about root and shaw

favorite headcanon: that tai was there for shauna when shauna was giving birth to callie <3

[curiosity-killed]

Would love to hear your thoughts on atfots… the plot really surprised me given how the last book ended but overall it felt like a mixed bag to me

*cradles ur face tenderly in my hands* babycakes u have opened a can of worms

I'm not even going to pretend that this will be short or coherent so tl;dr: if I'm looking for a fun AU, I turn to ATFOTS; if I'm looking for canon compliant, meaningful sequels to HOTE, I turn to fanfiction.

General disclaimer that here be spoilers for ATFOTS and that while I don't intend this to be lambasting ATFOTS by any means, it's not the most positive review. So like, don't read below if you a) want to avoid spoilers or b) enjoyed the book, probably?

I think there are roughly 2 main categories of critique I have for ATFOTS, with a third just being the catchall for anything I miss and/or me yelling about the things that matter most to me lol so:

I. Sequel Sins

I am generally not a fan of sequels primarily because I think they tend to fall into a lot of similar traps such as overexplaining, inconsistent characterization, and undermining their own themes. This may be a product of growing up in love with sprawling series that all wound up basically having the same formula. ANYWAY.

Overexplaining: ATFOTS starts off by reintroducing Cliopher Mdang. My good sir. The POV character for the other doorstopper novel that came before (& which I love). I get the desire to make a sequel accessible to people who haven't read the first book but ATFOTS feels consistently like it's holding your hand very gently and bending down to make sure you're getting its full sincere eye contact and talking very slowly. I don't have a copy of the book on me to pull quotes, but it's especially flagrant in the first couple chapters.

Inconsistent characterization: WHOO BOY. Cliopher is so old! No he's young again! Now he's middle-aged! I have mixed feelings on the characterization overall—Rodin, for instance, came a bit out of left field—and most of it comes down to the way I loved the characters in HOTE and then in ATFOTS they all felt...a bit flatter and a bit caricaturized and a bit less true.

Undermining themes: The character thing comes in hard here IMO. One of the major threads of HOTE is Kip shaping his own path of success and receiving acknowledgment from his loved ones for his unique, uncommon route. And then ATFOTS comes in and is like ACTUALLY we're going to overwrite that with this GRAND and MYTHOLOGICAL story that also conveniently follows closely the story that will be familiar to your family. This isn't to say there isn't value in that type of story, but it definitely cheapens (imo) the thematic value of HOTE. And this is true for...kind of a lot of the stories' themes. ATFOTS seems to want to be "HOTE themes but bigger and better" and in doing so, kind of falls flat in delivery imo.

II. ATFOTS-Specific Pro/Con

Alright now onto a little more specific issues. This will be brief bc I think they're pretty self-explanatory lol

Con: Overall, I think ATFOTS tries to do too many things. I love a good book with many plotlines (see: erha my beloved) but ATFOTS' structure felt borderline episodic rather than building together into a satisfying reveal/culmination.

Pro: I'll get into Kip's sexuality below but do love the concept of fanoa

Con: It felt like a lot of tidbits of "oh ACTUALLY this was happening all along in HOTE I just didn't mention it"—see the comment that started this all around humming Aurora—in a way that felt less like a delightful little revelation and more like VG retroactively trying to incorporate things she hadn't decided on till that moment. Also feel this way about Ludvic's fam reveal but I'll get into that below.

Pro/Con: While I think the writing structure was a little tighter than HOTE (I'm sorry, I love Kip and I love HOTE but there were like 200 pages of having the same conversation over again) (maybe not actually 200. possibly 20. still.), girlie REALLY needed a copy edit. Like. I will copy edit ur book Ms. Goddard for u (I am cheap) but please let me fix the errors.

III. Getting My Grubby Little Gay Hands All Over this Book

aka personal preference shit that is entirely my opinion without critique for the writing quality but nonetheless are part of my critique

I love HOTE and I love HOTE principally for three four main categories: The Household (and Them), civil service, being The One Who Left, and ASEXUALITY BABEY. There are other aspects I love, of course, but these are kind of the big non-negotiables for me and four that ATFOTS kinda...did dirty imo.

In terms of the Household, HOTE gave us these middle-aged dudes who are pretty much defined and fulfilled by their dedication to their job to the exclusion of most other things. Kip has family but it's not family that really understands him most of the time and it's family that is very far away (*this will come up again). The rest of them don't have family outside of the household. They are very sincerely found/forced thru work family in a way that feels both very natural and blessedly free of nuclearization. They love each other and understand each other** in a way that none of them really have access to outside of this group.

And then ATFOTS (and admittedly RPA) comes along and is like "Ludvic has a dad! Conju's sister and boytoy are alive! Rodin has a devoted penpal!" in a way that feels a BIT like pairing off everyone so that the main couple can be together. Which like. I love Kip/Fitzroy, don't get me wrong, but I love the household and their weirdly intimate and formal and seemingly smooth as clockwork but internally messy vibe. I was so looking forward to reading about the retirement house and how that unspools (or at least thinking a lot about it in the way of the blorbo in the microwave) before ATFOTS.

So much of the heart of HOTE is the idea of community and connection (or isolation) and ATFOTS mostly veers away from that both thru the pairing off and through the things like Kip's solo adventures. It also, in some ways, sort of undermines some of the characters' core traits, such as Ludvic's devotion. Ludvic being a stout, unflinching companion for HR because he believes in him and sees the true man behind the Serenity is imo very different from Ludvic being an unflagging companion because he views HR as his uncle. Idk about y'all but family duty and personal devotion from choice are two different things in my experience.

On their own, they aren't bad but they are disappointing when compared to the aspects of HOTE I loved and would have hoped to see expanded upon in the sequel.

Kip's experience in civil service is also really important to me (literally made me more patient and cheerful at work when I was actively envisioning setting a plague of frogs loose upon my supervisor's house so like. Significant Importance to Me.)! This will not be articulate (I've legit been starting and deleting this sentence for like 5 min) bc it's very near and dear to my heart but the ideas of a) choosing to take a harder path, that is outside your community/family's conception of "normal" because you believe it is good and worthy, b) trying to improve a shitty system because you believe it can be made to better serve the people, and c) learning from both systems—are! just! very important to me okay. And not something I see a lot in fiction, but especially not in my most beloved of monstrously large fantasy novels.

And then ATFOTS is just JK time for an epic fantasy romp! and that's cool but that's not why I loved the first book! that's not the right tone at all!!! if i wanted an epic fantasy romp I would pick up Iron Widow but I wanted the bureaucracy D: (shoutout to ao3 user alfgifu for giving me the bureaucracy and also sorry for all the nonsense comments)

This is also super closely tied to Being the One Who Left tbh because well. Me. But one of the core elements of HOTE—the part that actually first snagged me and pulled my attention in—is that Kip is the one who left his community behind for no good reason to chase a weird dream instead of settling down and following the normal path to success.

*eyeing my high school classmates who are all settled down with 2.5 kids and starting photography businesses on the side while living within 20 minutes of where they grew up* Huh I Wonder Why This is Relatable

At the heart of being the one who left is this tug between guilt and desire/love/duty/curiosity/whatever pull factor. In HOTE, Kip is pushed to stay home by his duty to his community, his love of his family, and his family's own pressure. He's pulled to stay in the service by his duty to the world/government, his love of his found family, and by the urge to do more, to make things better as much as he can. In both places, he's not fully understood and when he's in either location, he misses the other. The importance is the tug, the dual identity, the sense of always being partially understood and partially misunderstood in different ways depending on the ground you're standing on. I could...very literally, write essays on each of these last items but I am trying to wrap it up bc I should actually be coding rn whoops

ATFOTS blots this out by transforming his Solaara experience into, basically, Just A Job. A job he cares about and can be proud of, sure, but just the job. It really...kind of aggressively, ignores the relationships and life Kip has made there in favor of focusing solely on this glorious return to home while conveniently giving everyone else people to be with instead of the household. which I'm sure my mom would like but ANYWAY

and now, last but decidedly not least OR clearest *drum roll pls* ASEXUALITY BABEY

okay so I will caveat this by saying different rep serves different people, there are infinitely many ways to be asexual, etc etc that all being said ATFOTS' handling of Kip's sexuality just left me a little...dissatisfied? And tbh I struggle to articulate it because I feel like it probably comes down to "this isn't the rep I would like but I can see where it's meaningful to others."

Like I can justify it—a lifelong commitment as fanoa is described is different than a romantic or sexual relationship, it's entirely fair to have a character want that commitment without risking it by mixing in romance/etc., it's good to have a devoted and platonic relationship at the core where normally a (straight) romantic/sexual relationship would be

and yet. I caught myself making faces at the book half the time when dealing with their relationship. Some of it feels a little like trying to Do All The Rep in one go—Kip's tingly fuzzy feelings and (mostly) lack of romantic attraction, neutrality around sex and aversion to sex in this relationship—in a way that almost definitely describes actual humans out in the world but feels a little...off in a fictional character? My general wish for asexual characters is getting to be in devoted relationships where the allosexual partner(s) is willing to not have sex and still be committed but I caught myself being like "y'all just fuck already" in ATFOTS which is uhhhh not the norm

tbf my ideal Kip/Fitzroy retirement relationship is basically just them (and the household) all living together and everyone on the outside kind of being ???? is it a sex thing???? while they contentedly carve out their own life yet again but this time with more touch and laughter and song.

Actually having gotten to this point, I feel like my main sticking point with ATFOTS sexuality is that Sex Is A Big Thing in the book while never being super effectively resolved imo and also not actually being a big thing to the characters in HOTE. Like one of these dudes has been celibate for 1000 years or so and another one has had like 3 brief lovers across the same amount of time. I think there are some other things we could focus on here

[asphodelical]

The Great Anime Rewatch of 2024 - Part VII

Lovely Complex

First watched: circa 2008 Rewatched: March 2024

Original rating: 6 New rating: 6

Lovely Complex was a surprise in two big ways: 1.) I had a really enjoyable time revisiting the first half. I forgot how goofy shoujo could be back in the day. It was fast paced and addressed topics and situations a lot of romcoms don’t—being shallow, being rejected, being able to see people in a different light, etc. 2.) The show really wore out its welcome in the second half. The pacing seemed to grind to a halt, the stuff with the young male teacher was quite uncomfortable, and it kept introducing character left and right at the end. It falls to the Kimi ni Todoke issue of relying on new characters for conflict, since there’s so little to them. The other main issue is that Risa is not a very interesting character, and the fact that she’s the main POV character grows weary. 

There are still a lot of things I think Lovely Complex gets right: It keeps the supporting cast as a supporting cast, and immediately sidelines the least interesting couple. Even the weird teacher stuff was only an issue for a few episodes. There’s also a canonically trans character, Seiko, who was done surprisingly respectfully for the early 00s. But the ending is bogged down by forced conflict and character assassination for Risa that leaves me disappointed. 

It turns out teenage me was dead on with my original rating. Finally, the first opening song is far better than the second. 

__________________________________

Puella Magi Madoka Magica

First watched: Winter 2011, original airdate Rewatched: April 2024

Original rating: 10 New rating: 10

Second full rewatch. There were a few things I forgot—admittedly, I forgot almost everything that happened after Madoka ascended. But man, this show is still fantastic. 

__________________________________

Millennium Actress

First watched: July 2011 Rewatched: April 2024

Original rating: 9 New rating: 9

The only reason why this film isn’t a 10/10 for me is because I don’t think Chiyoko is a very memorable or nuanced character. 

__________________________________

Clannad, Clannad: After Story, Tomoyo Chapter, Kyou Chapter

First watched: Circa 2008 Rewatched: October 2024

Original ratings: 7, 8, 8, 6 New ratings: 4, 4, 5, 5

I’ve been meaning to rewatch this for ages, and I was terrified to do so. My opinion on Key has always been pretty low, and it’s lowered even more as I’ve grown older. The melodrama, the infantilization of teenage girls, the eyes that are half the size of the character’s faces, ugh, it’s too much. Plus, the only thing I really remember was thinking Tomoyo was the best girl. 

After watching the first season, I had this whole write up about how painfully infantilized the girls are, how their rides on the trauma train are almost comical, how Tomoya is the only character who has more than two personality traits, and how bad the sense of humor is. After completing the second season, this is all I have to say: 

I don’t think I have ever seen a piece of media that was so desperate to make its audience feel sad. 

The only part of After Story I felt was worth watching was Tomoya reconnecting with Ushio. (PS. Considering how much Tomoya and Nagisa simply struggled to hold hands, I cannot fathom how they managed to have sex.)

Tomoyo Chapter was still my favourite, and Kyou’s was…whatever, but still better than anything involving Nagisa. 

__________________________________

Sakamichi no Apollon

First watched: April 2012 (original airdate) Rewatched: October 2024

Original rating: 8 New rating: 6

Unfortunately, I had to watch the English dub. Considering how Japanese this story is, I wasn’t thrilled. Then Ritsuko’s voice actress woefully mispronounced Kaoru’s name and I almost lost it. (And then “Brother Jun” kept happening and I couldn’t take it seriously. At that point, just say “Jun.” Please.) But beggars can’t be choosers. 

There are a lot of things that didn’t work for me this time around. The author has an annoying tendency to rely on bullying scenes to initiate conflict. Ritsuko is still a tragically boring character, and the drama is a bit overwrought. The love pentagon is so painful. It doesn’t help that the dialogue is really bad; Hardly anything sounds natural. 

But all the music stuff? Yeah, that stuff still worked for me. By episode six, I lost almost all interest in the dramatic shit and just wanted to skip to the music bits. Peak Sakamichi no Apollon for me: 

The first jam session in the record store

Sentarou and Kaoru’s make up medley

Sentarou and Jun’s last session

The friendship/unrequited love between Sentarou and Kaoru

[jreads]

Unexpected Constellations (Part 03)

Rating: idek somewhere between PG-13 and M

Word Count: 3047

Warnings: Angst, Canon level violence, Mentions of blood, Foul Language, Din being hot

A/N: Sorry this took so long!!! I'm still not super happy with it but it's coming up on a week since I last uploaded so here. This part covers a bit of the time frame from the last two parts but SURPRISE! it's Din's POV! He's a hard character to write so I hope I did him justice! Please check the masterlist for tags. If you reblog you get a kiss. Also maybe comment if you want to get added to a tag list and I’ll figure that out for next time. 🧍‍♀️

6 hours earlier…

“If it has something to do with the mission, I should know.”

He cursed himself soundly after leaving you in the cockpit. What the hell was he thinking?

The Mandalorian had little to no experience in talking to women. Especially frighteningly gorgeous ones like you, who made him want to see the prettiest parts of the galaxy and tell jokes and laugh without restraint.

You were way out of his comfort zone.

And he had panicked just then, with the revelation that he wanted to know more about you: your past, what you did before you met him, and why a hologram of a crystal would so easily leech your skin of its stunning colour.

It wasn’t new to him, this feeling he harboured for you. Though it had started as something much less terrifying.

Desire was a concept Mando was familiar with. He had visited pleasure houses more than once to get the feeling out of his system, to allow himself to focus better. It had always seemed more of an annoyance or an inconvenience to him than anything else.

With you, it was all-consuming. You were like a flame given form, setting him alight with every brush past his shoulder or utterance of his name.

It had first started back on Sorgan, before the battle had even begun. You had been talking to him about strategy and casually leaned forward to fix the lay of the belt over his chest plate. It had seemed like a natural movement for you but fuck… it did something to him.

It was so much worse during the battle, when he had scanned the swamp to watch you masterfully using his pulse rifle, brow furrowing in concentration. And then finally when you had thrown it back to him, waded knee deep into the water and lifted your hands.

He had seen Grogu do the wizarding thing before, but the child always seemed to look pained, like he struggled with it. With you, it looked… euphoric.

You were an enigma, as were his feelings toward you. So when you asked him, rather shyly, if he might need an extra pair of hands on board or someone else to help protect the kid, he had felt… scared? Relieved? Worried? Confused? Could wizards read minds?

Since then, there had been a liveliness to the Razor Crest that he had never seen before. Laughter, leaking through the closed cockpit doors as you played with the kid down below. Chatter, more talking than he had done in years, so much so that it often left him hoarse the next day. Smiling, though you’d never know it, was a frequent occurrence now, a secret of his kept safe under the helmet.

He wished he could say that the change happened slowly… but that would be a lie. He didn’t fall for you over time; it had barreled through him like a ship through hyperspace.

Grogu had formed a fast attachment to you as well. You two were playful around each other, and the ability to communicate mind-to-mind with him meant that the two of you were mischievous, often ganging up on him or playing jokes.

You would smack fat kisses to the top of his head and he would giggle, such a strange, joyous sound. It would have you laughing along with him in seconds.

Mando loved the sound of your laugh. He loved the sound of your voice.

One night, soon after Grogu had been taken by the Jedi, the two of you had lain side by side on a grassy knoll under the stars, on some planet he couldn’t even remember the name of. He remembered being so worried that, now that the kid was back with his own kind, you would have fulfilled your purpose and you would leave him behind.

He would have given any part of himself to get you to stay. But that night, under the clear sky, he gave you his name.

His full name.

And when you repeated it back to him, the syllables rolling effortlessly off your tongue, it almost undid him.

By some stroke of luck—or maybe you read his mind again—you had decided to stay. And he was so grateful for it, as he had realized that he couldn’t imagine what a life for him might look like without the kid, and without you.

He’d never tell you any of this. Behind the exterior of cold beskar, he worried that you wouldn’t feel the same, and it would drive you away from him. He’d much rather live a life like this with you, never drawing closer, than risk losing you forever.

So he had kept his thoughts to himself today and snapped that shield back into place. He had stalked back into the engine room. He couldn’t face you again today so he would hide here, and toggle around with some loose wires in the left wall panel. And wallow in self-pity.

An hour went by. He had managed to fix a light indicator for one of the engines. Very important. The ship was set to exit hyperspace in a few more hours, so it was probably best to get some sleep while he still could. The next few days would likely be chaotic.

He exited the engine room and scaled the ladder back down into the hull. He tried not to dwell too much on the mission before him, on the unknown figure who had hired him and the value of the bounty. He didn’t like to ask questions about his work. The one time he did, he ended up being chased relentlessly across the galaxy. He ignored the nagging part of his mind that suggested that that same questioning had brought him two priceless companions and experiences he never thought he’d have.

He was quiet as he made his way across the floor. The door to the sleeping nook was still open, and he could just barely make out the outline of your legs through the visor.

So carefully, he removed his belt and armour and stacked them against the wall. Truthfully, he was exhausted, fatigue from the last bounty and stress from the near miss on Nevarro catching up with him.

Easing onto the blankets, he settled into a light sleep.

And woke to a guttural cry.

Up in a second, the night vision in his visor helped to identify the origin of the sound.

You must have thrashed about in your sleep, for the sheets were in a state of disarray and you were heaving… big, uneven breaths that racked your body. Grogu was awake, leaning over the side of his hammock, a sad expression painting his face.

He was to you within seconds, another pained sob bouncing off the walls of the alcove. From here he could see the sheen of sweat on your forehead. You were dreaming.

The kid looked to Mando then, an insistent sound coming from him. He needed to wake you.

Slowly, carefully, he placed a hand over your ankle, squeezing firmly. You didn’t stir. He squeezed again

“Come on, wake up.”

He didn’t expect the speed at which you shot from the mattress.

He also didn’t expect his airways to suddenly close. Completely.

He gasped… and failed to draw in breath.

You were staring at him with undiluted fear, fear and then horror, pure horror as he choked again.

And then you were scrambling away—so at odds with the usual fluidity of your motion—until your back hit the wall with a horrible thud. He reached out on instinct to try to steady you, only then realizing that he was able to breathe again. He savoured the stale air of his helmet for barely a moment before assessing you.

You were cowered in the corner, face pressed into your hands, shaking so hard he thought you might fall apart. An unfamiliar emotion speared through him, sharp and hot.

Before he was even fully aware of his actions he leaned in, so slowly, as to not startle you. You didn’t look up. You were muttering apologies under your breath, like a prayer.

It was jarring for him, seeing you like this. You were always smiling, effervescent, quiet and somber at times but… never like this.

He reached for your hands, body moving of its own accord. If he could just see your face, maybe he could… what?

Comfort you?

He didn’t know how to do that. He had never been taught. His hand stilled.

He regarded you again. Your breathing seemed to be evening out and yet you had sunk into yourself. The tensing of your body had been replaced with a feeling akin to defeat. Still you wheezed your apology.

Something in him strained.

“Look at me.” He meant to sound assertive, but his voiced came out rough, all wrong. Astonishingly, you listened anyway.

Your eyes were haunted. And yet you looked at him like he was the centre of the galaxy. Like your world began and ended with him. Had he not been braced on the edge of the mattress, the force of it may have blown him over. There was a track of glistening wet trailing down your cheek.

How he yearned to brush it away.

You didn’t say a word to him, and he wasn’t going to make you. But he sure as hell wasn’t going to leave you alone either.

Making up his mind, it took him only a moment to climb the rest of the way into the alcove and shuffle ungracefully into place beside you. He was hyperaware of each point of contact between the two of you, felt them like light electric pulses.

He noticed then that Grogu was crying, faintly. You apologized again, your voice only slightly more stable this time.

What the hell were you apologizing for? Mando was fine, the brief shock of the attack long since buried and replaced with something new. It was you who was sitting beside him, curled into a ball smaller than he ever would have thought possible for a human being and trembling so hard it’s a wonder your teeth weren’t chattering.

“You have nothing to apologize for.” It was true.

You said nothing.

He knew what trauma looked like. He had suffered his fair share of it as well. He recognized the way you pushed it down, crammed it into the smallest darkest part of you, filled yourself with something else so it would have no room to stay anymore. He had tried the very same tactic. It never worked.

You had told him nothing about your history and he had been content to leave it that way… until tonight.

“Tell me everything.”

“It doesn’t have anything to do with the mission, I promise.” Farrik, he was such an asshole. He knew you’d pick up on that comment the second the cockpit door shut behind him.

“I don’t care about the damn mission. Tell me everything.” He hoped you’d get it this time. The meaning behind that sentence. He hoped you’d put the pieces together eventually.

“I wouldn’t even know where to start.” Your voice broke. Fuck, this girl who’d been holding him together for longer than he cared to admit was on the verge of crying in the dark and he hadn’t the faintest idea why.

“Start from the beginning.” When you shakily inhaled to speak, he realized he had absolutely no idea what he expected.

But it certainly wasn’t that.

He allowed himself to dwell on it now, seated alone in a booth lining the wall of some backwater Mos Eisley cantina. He wished for the luxury of being able to have a drink, if only to wash away the feeling in the back of his mind, the nagging idea that when he got back to Peli Motto’s landing bay… you might not be there.

He had landed the ship on muscle memory alone. The truth was his mind had been thoroughly distracted since you had told him the truth about your past. Your close ties with the Empire and the Emperor himself had startled him, but not scared him.

He knew who you were. Perhaps better than anyone else in the galaxy.

You were reserved at first, with a sense of humour that took a while to show. You smiled easily, unrestrained, which was a wonder considering all you had been through. You loved even easier, and he saw it clear as day when you looked at the kid. There may have been a dark side to you, one he had caught glimpses of when you fought alongside him, but how was that any different from himself? How were you any different from him?

He had also spent days and nights worrying over the danger you’d be in if you travelled with him. There was a target constantly on his back and when you had chosen to accompany him and Grogu, by default it had been transferred to you too.

He had considered it, forcing you to part ways with him, sending you somewhere, anywhere, if it meant you were safe. The only difference was he was too selfish to do it.

He had left soon after the ship landed to weave through town, hoping to pick up bits of chatter. But also because he wanted to give you space.

Actually no, he didn’t want to give you space. He wanted you so damn close that he could feel you through the beskar. But you hadn’t ever been given a choice in your life. He wasn’t going to be the one to force you to do anything.

So he left earlier than he had planned, to give you time if you needed it. To pack a bag and say goodbye to the kid. You didn’t owe him an explanation.

Some part of his brain sparked incessantly. At the idea that he hadn’t told you he wanted you to stay. That you didn’t realize just how much him and the kid relied on you.

That maybe… maybe you thought he wanted you to go.

He didn’t notice the hunters until they were sat across from him in the booth. Until the unmistakable tip of a blaster nudged the side of his thigh under the table.

Fuck.

Two Trandoshans, scales reflecting under the dim cantina lights, armed to the teeth. He should have seen it coming.

The one on the left spoke first, his voice a low hiss. “We heard through the grapevine you might come sniffin’ here.” Mando stayed still as death, mind running through a million different possibilities. The gun against his leg was the most pressing matter. If he were to angle his knee down just enough, any blast could deflect off the beskar plate on his thigh.

The lizard kept talking. “We just missed you on Nevarro, but it’s all good.” He tipped the remainder of his drink back and slammed it down on the table. “Here’s the plan, you tell us what you know about the bounty, and we might conveniently miss any important organs. Got it?” His friend chuckled, the blaster shifting slightly.

Still, Din said nothing. Just stared the two of them down. He had come across this pair once or twice before when doing business with the Guild. They were ruthless, bloodthirsty, but untrained. If he could just…

“Or, if you insist on stayin’ quiet, we’ll kill you, get our information elsewhere and take that pretty little prize of yours from your ship as a deal sweetener.”

He moved.

His knee came up, smashing the second Trandoshan’s wrist against the underside of the table. The blaster shot went wide. He heard a crunch. The first was already up, drawing knives.

But he was faster. The table was overturned in a second, nearly crushing the second one as he cradled a limp hand. The first started throwing his blades.

It was a stupid tactic. Most bounced harmlessly off his armour. He caught one midair, twirling it expertly before sending it back.

The lizard had started backing away, almost tripping over his partner, as if realizing his attack attempts were futile. He managed to haul the other one up, just in time for the returned knife to imbed itself just above his beltline. He was dead weight.

The other Trandoshan knew it. He dropped the body before taking two steps back. He turned tail… and ran.

Cursing slightly, Mando stalked after him, but not before slamming a pile of credits down on the bar.

“For the dead men’s drinks.” He explained. The barkeep looked pale.

Outside, both of the suns were beginning to set. The sandy alley beside the cantina was relatively quiet, but he could hear chatter in the distance. The hunter was nowhere to be seen.

He activated the tracker on his visor, watching thermal footprints branch away from the cantina… and then back towards it.

He twisted, following the prints around the side and… up.

He lifted his gaze just in time to see the hunter leap from the domed roof of the cantina. He caught Mando around the neck, sending them both tumbling to the floor. A blast of pain razed across his side, in between the gaps of his armour. He barely perceived it.

Up within a second, he spun to face the Trandoshan. It was crouched, one remaining blade in its scaled hand, blood dripping from its edge. And then it was lunging toward him, swiping, slashing. The blade connected with his armour in a flash of sparks.

He caught the lizard around the wrist, squeezing until the blade dropped into the sand. His other hand went to the throat. And then his was lifting, until the hunter’s feet dangled just off the ground. It wheezed.

He moved until he had slammed the lizard back against the wall of a neighboring building. Only when it started thrashing did he finally throw it to the ground.

It had the audacity to beg. “Please… no, we- we won’t get in your way.” Mando reached to his belt, to the now familiar weight at his side. The darksaber ignited smoothly.

Serpentine eyes went wide. Before he could utter another word, the Mandalorian brought the blade down.

As always, he struck true.

[lansplaining]

I feel that most people, that includes jc antis and stans btw, kind of forget that wwx is also just a teenager when lotus pier falls, he is but a few days older than jc. A lot of decisions taken by war inflicted teenagers, specially someone who has lost his home twice, do not make sense and have to be taken critically taking into account their mental status. Both jc and wwx at this point are suffering. What happens later, when they are old enough and mature enough is a different matter altogether.

Do we actually know the precise age difference between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian? I know we know their birthdays, but for myself, I'd always imagined there was a year between them. I know that's not your point, I just always mean to check and forget.

Anyway... yeah! Every character in MDZS acts in sub-optimal ways, driven by pain, strong emotion, and their often incorrect assessment of what will prove most helpful for the person or situation at hand. That's what makes it good writing, a good story, and creates the kinds of characters that we all sit around on the internet obsessing over.

I'm assuming from the tone at the end of your comment (and apologies if I'm misreading, tone online is a nightmare) that what you mean to suggest is, 'Wei Wuxian's behavior post-Sunshot was excusable and Jiang Cheng's in the present-day timeline is not.'

I'd say first of all that of course Wei Wuxian's behavior, taking into account his mental state post-war as you say, is completely understandable. That does not, however, change the fact that he really hurt people who loved him while spiraling in this completely understandable way. From the POV of Jiang Cheng, who lacks key information and also has been through a lot of loss and trauma, your brother and best friend has suddenly decided to drink all day and fuck around with ghost floozies (give or take a ghost floozie depending on your canon) instead of helping you rebuild your shared home like he promised to. He will offer no explanation for this, and every time you try (in your admittedly clumsy way) to broach the question of whether he is hurt or suffering (or send your sister and her soup to do it), he brushes you off and insists that nothing is wrong, he's perfectly aware of how he's acting, and he's doing it on purpose. That is hurtful! Wei Wuxian intended it to be, because he needed Jiang Cheng to back off and not notice things that would become very noticeable if Jiang Cheng spent any serious amount of time with him! It also makes perfect sense and I don't think it makes Wei Wuxian a bad person.

Should Jiang Cheng have pushed harder, or tried different tactics? Sure, but a) I'm not sure that anything would have worked, and b) he is also a traumatized teenager, not a therapist or even a parent, so once again, we can understand why he didn't handle the situation in an ideal manner.

So, now it's 13/16/18?/time is fake years later, and Jiang Cheng is old enough and mature enough to know better. Here are the events that have taken place as far as Jiang Cheng is aware: - the aforementioned drinking, slacking, and maybe ghost floozies - Wei Wuxian killed a ton of Jin cultivators (bad) but then sat tight in the Burial Mounds not bothering anyone for ~1/2/time is fake years (good!) - the literal second Wei Wuxian was painstakingly invited to leave the Burial Mounds to temporarily rejoin society, he was so provoked by a random Jin cousin that he murdered a ton of Jin cultivators again, and most importantly, murdered his brother-in-law who very much did not mean him any harm - then, with variations for the canon in question, killed dozens if not hundreds more cultivators and in the process witnessed Yanli's death at the hands of someone who actually wanted revenge on Wei Wuxian

Which part of this should he know better about? What information has he gained in the intervening years that would cause him to re-evaluate? Sure, in a perfect world, we mature into wisdom and perfect serenity and grace, letting go of our resentment, grudges, and grief, especially towards the (maybe) dead. Perfect-world Jiang Cheng would maybe say, 'It's really sad that my bright, brilliant brother inexplicably delved into demonic cultivation and lost control of it in such a catastrophically destructive way, but I will choose to remember him as he was, and forgive him for both directly and indirectly orphaning my nephew and leaving me alone in the world. I'll never know why the hell he did it, so I'll just have to let it go.'

But as you said, when you are dealing with someone who-- for example-- has now been through essentially two wars in as many years (one of them against his brother), lost his entire family, and is left to raise his orphaned nephew-- you have to take into account his mental status. His maturity, like Lan Wangji's, is built on a foundation of trauma and grief, and there are going to be some cracks there.

[pink-strawberry-kissess]

Glimpse of us (Leon S Kennedy x ?)

CROSS POSTED FROM MY AO3

Summary: "She's like a part of me I can't let go."

Leon struggles with his unresolved feelings with a certain woman in red as his life falls into disarray after being forced into a relationship he never wanted under the pretense of it "being good" for him.

“-I never thought my life would turn out this way.”

Based on the song "Glimpse of Us" by Joji

pain pain pain gang gang gang

Notes: a/n: OKAY so I literally haven’t written anything for a few months now. I used to write for a different fandom, and if you’re interested in it, I can send you my tumblr. If you're not interested in that fandom/characters then i'm not disclosing it lol so you have to ask me somehow lol

SO I just haven’t been super uhh, my writing isn’t very good right now but I’m trying lol

i initially wanted to write a bit with infinite darkness leon but i felt like i couldn't get it in properly so i just axed it also leon vendetta is kinda implied but not a lot the plotline is used so-

since this is over most of leon's timeline there's different versions of him, so hopefully you can imagine which one i'm talking about when i get to it lmao

OKAY THANKS HOPE YOU ENJOY (or not)

also so i don't get crucified, cleon shippers probably dni???

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Warnings: Implied Sexual Content, Angst, Fluff, Suicidal Thoughts, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon, Divergence, POV Multiple, POV Changes, No Dialogue, Brief Dialogue, time jumps, Time Skips, could be read without much knowledge of the games but some are obviously from games/movies, Heavy Angst, certain ships do not apply here, angst with no happy ending for one ship, Non Canon Timeline,  Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Cheating,  Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Gun Violence, Resident Evil 2 Leon, Resident Evil 4 Leon, resident evil 6 leon, resident evil damnation leon, Game: Resident Evil 2, Post-Resident Evil 4, Leon S Kennedy - Freeform,  leon kennedy - Freeform, Ada Wong - Freeform, Mentioned Ada Wong

Word count: 3227

//

Regret laced through every single fibre of his being. Sharp thorns piercing him with pangs of guilt and nearly swallowing him whole in a deep carmine red of his own blood. His body aching from years of paralyzing trauma. Every painful day spent wondering if it was going to be different. Every second kept him thinking, if he made a different decision; would he still be here. Exactly like this, today.

Leon was riddled with decades of trauma, pain and remorse. Turning to the bottle as a common response to him. His coping mechanism to escape from everything that was thrown at him.  Struggling with his lost innocence of youth and losing himself to the pain of it all, caused him to turn to the sweet bitter liquid one too many times. Drowning himself in anything other than what he was feeling, wanting to taste more than the metallic aftertaste of blood and the wretched stench of death that lingered in his memories.

//

Blue bright eyes and naive to the world, at the age of twenty one, he finally completed one of his childhood dreams of becoming a cop. Wanting to do good and be good despite it all.

Then Raccoon City happened.

Post traumatic stress disorder. PTSD is a common symptom with soldiers, along with a long list of others. Seeing atrocities that no person should ever see in a lifetime. Leon had seen more than one person should ever see in a single night. Afterwards, nights were spent alone, tossing and turning. Struggling to get a single second of relief. It was nothing other than, hell. It only ever got worse, never better. There were others who maybe suffered worse, those who never lived to tell their tale. Though, he’d never wish that on anyone. When your entire being is plagued with painful memories. The only remedy is the obvious one.

//

She'd take the world off my shoulders

If it was ever hard to move

She'd turn the rain to a rainbow

When I was living in the blue

Why then, if she is so perfect

Do I still wish that it was you?

Perfect don't mean that it's working

So what can I do? (Ooh)

When you're out of sight

In my mind

//

Somehow, she was always there. Following him around desperately like a love sick puppy. Her bright personality reminded him of himself sometimes. The younger version him.  The version of himself where he truly believed that the world was black and white. Right and wrong. Good and evil. Not the shades of morally ambiguous greys that filtered his view of the world now.

Yet every, "I love you," he heard from her was supposed to fix him. That’s how ‘love’ is supposed to work, the way it brightens up your world in every hue of colours. Seeing colours you've never seen before. Every little achievement, goal reached and task finished is something to celebrate with someone that loves you. The sun shines just a bit brighter and feels just a bit warmer. Every season spent together is a new change embraced. The freezing and melting of frigid ice cold winter and the blooming of pink petals every spring. The hot humid heat of summer and the cooling cozy nights of autumn. Every little thing just feels better. Every problem is an easy enemy to defeat with someone there by your side. You feel invincible. It’s perfection.

That’s how it’s supposed to be. ‘Love’ is supposed to cure all ailments. Make you feel better. Fix you. So why didn’t Leon feel any better.

//

'Cause sometimes I look in her eyes

And that's where I find a glimpse of us

And I try to fall for her touch

But I'm thinking of the way it was

Said I'm fine and said I moved on

I'm only here passing time in her arms

Hoping I'll find

A glimpse of us

//

Despite his best efforts, he could see how he pained her. That despite it all, he couldn’t love her the way that he knew she wanted him to. Her childish fears of his true feelings for her pained him more with each lie.

“Of course I love you.”  

A lie intertwined with piercing thorns with a delicate white rose a top it. Each petal, a white flag surrendering each time she asked him. Reassurance for each time she was afraid. Petrified that Leon was going to leave her. And each time another white rose raised to ease her fears. A garden of little white lies to keep her. But with each new lie, there would be more thorns he’d have to avoid catching on at some point. Ripping him open and exposing his lie he had lived for the past years he had promised to her.

/

First loves, no matter how brief. Change you. Years had gone by and he hadn’t been able to feel like that ever again. Pure unadulterated desire. Something so captivating in her eyes that left him haunted by the image of her every night. That very shade of warmth in her eyes, despite her cold temperament. The very idea of her left him dazed and disoriented. Hungry. Something that fuelled him in his very bones. Comfort was something he craved and desired, as for most people. But something about the thrill of it all. That excited him even more.

He couldn’t ever forget.

Her.

It was brief, the time he spent with her, but the sparks that he felt burned him from the inside out. Eviscerating any sense of reason he had. Each new revelation about her brought out new emotions in him he had kept tucked and buried away. The pain of her supposed death. The relief knowing that she had been alive all along. And the years he spent mourning her. Not only her, but the idea of losing someone. That he’d been at fault. That if he had been just a bit faster. Stronger. That maybe, it could’ve been different. Seeing her again. Her kiss against his lips felt like it was yesterday again, igniting him. The gentle brush of her hands against his body. How easy it was for her to melt into him.

6 years. 6 years is nearly a lifetime for someone in their twenties. Leon had hardened as a person, stoic and strong. Someone more cynical. Not as aloof to the world and its secrets. His recruitment into becoming a government agent was less than ideal, threatened with death or becoming an agent; he took the obvious route.

Afterwards he had already begun to realize that the world was more corrupt than he originally thought it was. Cold and cruel leaders with plastered good faces and outlooks lead the world. Little white lies kept the world in order. How naive it was to think that it was anything other than that keeping the corruption at bay. The worlds powers fought constantly for authority, threatening each other with violence, viruses and mass terror. The elite knew, that all that mattered was how much one let slip. That’s how it’s been for decades, and nothing was going to stop it.

He knew that it was a losing battle. The wrong side of the coin to bet on. Despite that, somehow he'd always find a way to fight it.

//

Years had passed again before he saw her again. A shot in the dark as her sharp crossbow bolt flew past him, hitting her target behind him. A threatening introduction; granted, he was quick to draw his gun at her as well- their circumstances were less than ideal. His gun quickly lowered after shouting her name.

Another woman was attached to him at the hip. And she briefly wondered about their relationship as the brunette drew her own gun at her. Helena, she heard Leon calling her. Helena’s long brown hair wavering with her as she shook in rage, tears brimming at her lashes, her gun wavering just the same.

The gun remained aimed at her. Yet her gaze was fixed on Leon. His hair had gotten just a bit longer. Still framing his perfectly sculpted face, his piercing eyes that shade of blue she could get lost in. He looked a bit more scruffy, roughed up with a few more years of age. And she secretly wondered if he tasted just the same. The slight concern of having Helena’s gun still aimed at her were quickly extinguished as Leon finally gently lowered the gun away from her.

In the brief few seconds he called out for her, he’d already wondered how she’d been since they’ve last seen each other. Despite the distance, he swore he could still remember her scent against him. The sweet saccharin taste of her against his lips. He had promised himself to another and yet he was already thinking about her again. Thinking about the nights they spent together.

They never claimed to be anything. A couple of nights of sex and shared romantic notions meant little when they knew they couldn’t be together. Their lives would never work together without heavy sacrifice. So these few nights spent together were nothing more than a fantasy. Something so sweet and just beyond reach, lingering on the edge of what could be. His thoughts lingered to dark places intermixed with longing ones. He’d wondered if she had found someone else, if someone else could quell the need she had. His sick mind already imagining her with someone else had him twisted with a slight rage.

And yet images of the moments in bed with her still tangled around him flooded his vision. Him buried in between her warm creamy thighs with her legs wrapped around his waist.  Wondering if she was staying another night or not. The way she rode him how he needed her to. His fingertips pressed hard into her skin as he felt his release deep inside of her. Marking her anyway he could, the only reminder of him on her. Her manicured nails pressed painfully into his back as her walls fell down as she released herself around him. The last bit of resistance slipping away from her as she clung onto him, desperately riding through the pleasures that coursed through the both of them. In those split seconds, Leon could see her. The real her. The version of herself where she fully trusted him. His own fears about her. The constant struggle of wanting her- and knowing that it couldn’t work.

The empty pain every morning he woke alone, with nothing more than a delicately hand written letter placed on the nightstand. Her gentle scent still enveloping him. Her warmth lingering in the bed. It only made him want her more. His own inner demons was killing him, ripping through his flesh like the monsters he dealt with. Flooding him with dark red desire.

//

Tell me he savours your glory

Does he laugh the way I did?

Is this a part of your story?

One that I had never lived

Maybe one day you'll feel lonely

And in his eyes, you'll get a glimpse

Maybe you'll start slipping slowly

And find me again

When you're out of sight

In my mind

//

The interaction was brief, more dangers were always close by. More questions riddled him as he worked towards ending the case, destroying the so called evil. Helena working alongside him, her soft voice nearly whispering to him what he already knew.

“She’s more than just a friend, isn’t she? You have feelings for her.”

He didn’t need to hear it, already knowing that. His little lie he told himself to bare himself the excruciating pain of not knowing the truth. But it was more complicated than that. True, that friends don’t spend hours learning every single part of each others body. It was her kiss prints that lingered on his skin for years. Each one etched onto him like a stain, no matter how hard he’d try; he couldn’t help but feel like his skin was on fire each time she touched him. His fingers traced against her body, against each scar and new wound; asking her where it came from as she did the same for him.

She would mirror his movements, somehow timid yet sure sometimes. Deliberate but graceful. The obvious scar she’d graze her fingertip against his shoulder. The slight concave little circle against his skin she remembered bandaging all those years ago. A little morbid reminder of their first night together. The first time she felt like she let someone in.

Those nights were often the same. His fingers ghosting along her body until they were pressed tightly against her soft hips. His airy whimpers and whines growing as he tried to hold onto her for dear life. Grasping tightly as he chased her lips, wanting more and more each time, bruising her skin and marking her as a reminder of him. Finally feeling what he craved. Cradling her smaller face against his hands as he felt the short wisps of her dark black hair bouncing with each movement of their bodies. His own matted dirty blond tresses against his forehead as her delicate fingers ran through his hair, pushing them out of the way as she breathed another kiss against his skin. Inhaling each other like air. Feeling and fuelling the fire inside of him.

It was supposed to be more complicated than that.

And yet he was quick to jump from a burning building seeing her laying lifeless on the ground. Running to her the second he saw her needing him. As she laid against him, cradled into him, he whispered sweet nothings to her; much like he would during the nights she would stay. He silently prayed to see her open her eyes again. Wanting to see those warm eyes again.

A short exhale slipped from her lips as she slowly woke, “I was just resting my eyes,” she exhaled a quiet laugh, noticing Leon as his tall form shielded her from the entire world. A small smile formed on her lips, ever the hero.

“Shouldn’t sleep on the job,” he quipped back, aiding her back up onto her feet. As the city burned, the evil defeated. She was already gone again. Leon seeing her from across the tops of the building, he questioned himself again. Despite their lives being tangled together in the most messy and intimate ways, he still wondered about her. Wondered why she always helped him somehow in the end. Leading him back to her somehow.

//

'Cause sometimes I look in her eyes

And that's where I find a glimpse of us

And I try to fall for her touch

But I'm thinking of the way it was

//

Now he was stuck. Stagnant in a loveless relationship he never wanted to be in. Lifeless in a lifestyle he never wanted. Working on missions that never went anywhere. More corruption, more of the government covering up something else. And yet she was there. The ‘bright sunshine of his life’ that was supposed to brighten his day with each of her smiles. And try her best, he’d try to be better.

Each empty bottle of whiskey she would find stashed somewhere in their shared home left little to the imagination. A soft sigh slipped from her lips. This was all she ever wanted. But he was never really here. Each hug and kiss felt hollow. They haven't shared a bed in months. If they did it would only be a few hours of sleep before he'd be gone again. Each time he’d swear it was only her. She’d believe him. The way those baby blues stared back at her, she’d believe in him every time. Of course she’d want to. She didn’t want to throw away years of their lives together. Spent together, and grown together. She was persistent, wanting to make it work. But each smile he gave her only broke away at her heart. His twisted sweet smile that would tell her that everything would be okay.

She wasn’t naive. At least not towards the end of their relationship. The subtle soft scent of her lingered on his skin some nights. Airy floral jasmine and supple honey stained his skin, penetrating deeply into him. The slightest of bruising of her lip prints reddening against his neck. The way he kissed her felt off, chaste. And yet it would be lingering, like she could taste her. How sickeningly sweet she was. Like she was laced with sweet plump cherries and liquor. No wonder he always went back to her.

Even the way Leon spoke would be different, for a while. Softer, gentler and more relaxed. Somehow more like himself. Claire knew deep down that she was a stand in, a second choice. Someone who was just there because she was there. Left standing there alone when she wasn’t needed anymore. And she deserved better than this, so why didn’t she go?

Each night he was away, he would take the quietest way back, sneaking into their home at the darkest of night. Like he was a stranger in his own home. He never wanted to wake her, and yet she was awake, every time. Awake in her own nightmare.

//

Said I'm fine and said I moved on

I'm only here passing time in her arms

Hoping I'll find

A glimpse of us

Ooh, ooh-ooh

Ooh, ooh-ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh

//

“-I never thought my life would turn out this way.” Losing all of his men in a single mission was the last straw for him. The gentle tip backwards into his alcoholism. One of the last many triggers that lead him to almost putting a bullet into his head. But he never did it. No matter how easy it was to pull the trigger against an enemy, against one of those monsters. He couldn’t do it to himself. His finger ghosting along the cold metal trigger, aimed at himself. Cowardice or pride, maybe both, his finger lifted each time, his gun remained loaded, and left alone. Placed back onto the bedside table. Each time he’d lay back down, lay his body to rest, and wait for the next day to rise.

Each day, he drifted further and further apart from her. And she slipped further and further away from him. The love she felt for him, it waned everyday. Sand escaping the hourglass, their time was running out. Each time she tried to let him in, he’d simply walk away. Each fight lead to her forgiving him. Leon making the simple promise of doing better, and Claire letting him feed her the lie. They’d lay together in their bed, simply holding each other as they both wondered where the other was. Even in her arms, she knew, he wasn’t there. And as he lay there, trying to feel something, anything, a spark of a feeling. He’d try to feel. Try to feel, anything. He couldn’t.

All he could do, was try and remember.

Her.

//

'Cause sometimes I look in her eyes

And that's where I find a glimpse of us

And I try to fall for her touch

But I'm thinking of the way it was

Said I'm fine and said I moved on

I'm only here passing time in her arms

Hoping I'll find

A glimpse of us

//

Notes: also if it wasn't painfully obvious, i clearly ship one over the other

HER in italics and BOLD is always Ada and i wanted to keep it vague for angst reasons. but i think you can figure it out towards the end. i PERSONALLY always think that leon will alway find a way to go back to ada so even though i know that people like to ship him with claire, i just don't think it makes sense lol so aeon all the way for me.

uhhhhh yeah, so that being said i might post more aeon stuff soon ^__^ i just don't really know since i haven't written for this fandom and i've been out of practice (from writing) for a few months.

THANKS OKAY BYE

[jimmymcgools]

any director's cut commentary on the most recent chapter?

💕 absolutely delighted to, anon! (and who are you that you remember these!)

i don’t know if there’s any specific part you’re interested in, but i'll scroll through the chapter and comment on anything that pops out to me. if there IS something specific, please ask!

“Act versus status,” she says now, returning to an earlier river, further inland up the delta. “Status is not a criminal act.” The delta splits into two here, and she follows one of the streams. “For example…” she whispers. “For example… being an addict is a status, not an act.”

this was so fun! this is a scene from my pre-canon fic “a controlled burn”, but from kim’s perspective.

kim was specific enough on her end of the phone call that i knew i’d picked some piece of real crim law for her to be referencing, so two years later for this scene i had to find it again. and then it turned out to be much more relevant than i realised at the time!

also i do want this to work even if it’s the first fic of mine you read! thankfully (evilly) the show decided to make born yesterday the most traumatic old hollywood film choice of all time, so. there you go.

Sluggish with foreign material and long days and copy machines and coffee breaks and new things.

a little reference to this one shot of mine, “green”! she likes new things.

something v. Texas, or Pressburger v. something

it’s powell v texas, but kim’s brain gives her pressburger here because she’s a fan of powell and pressburger movies.

“I saw the news,” Kim blurts out, her chest rising and falling between the words. She tries for warm and sympathetic instead: “And I thought of you, how are you?”

i love everyone’s kindly-innocent-phone-voices on this show, and it’s fun trying to capture them in text.

also ever since i first saw the episode i’ve been obsessed with the idea of kim calling francesca and making it as far as she can through a conversation, as if she isn’t desperate to ask about jimmy from the moment the call connects.

“Robles and Goto Partners,” the receptionist says musically. “How can I help you today?”

big ups to gina robles from the 410 cold open who is suddenly given a role in my fanfiction, hi gina.

also of course our beloved viola, who witnessed much too much, and who i’m so delighted by. slinging shade about vegan patties. “i, um. good.” an icon. she’s seen saul goodman in his pajamas. who else could it be.

Lynn has family up in Santa Fe, so when she found us a place here… it just seemed meant to be.

even bigger ups to Lynn of deleted scene fame who absolutely made the most of a free trip to the stein eriksen lodge in 2004.

This is a prepaid call from—and then Jimmy’s own voice clicks in, a hollow recording: “Uh, Jimmy McGill?” before it shifts back to the robot—… an inmate at Montrose Federal Correctional Complex.

SHOUTOUT TO SERIAL, WHO HERE LISTENED TO THAT TEN YEARS AGO

“Y’know, it’s a funny thing,” Jimmy says, crackling and hissing at the edges, so far away. “I can’t stop thinking about what the weather’s like out there.”

oh honey

kim he’s thinking now

kim get your man out he’s dreaming again he’s wistful

“No, I meant—” Jimmy starts, and the tone is suddenly so familiar she can see him clearly, can see him shaking his head and staring at her pleadingly. “What about you as the better lawyer?”

jimmy saving up his precious minutes of shitty payphone connection to sow some seeds 🥺

this next scene with patty is a really interesting one in terms of like... one of the difficulties i’ve found writing kim pov is handling the dialogue in the scenes where kim is largely silent. it’s such an important part of the character but it really strains my limited range of action description.

and i didn’t even realise specifically how little she did speak here, but she says less than ten words over this entire interaction.

it’s tough because i still want it to feel like two people engaging with each other, like patty’s bouncing off kim and not just giving a ted talk.

She’d forgotten the bar exam, in the months afterwards. By the time she received her score, she had barely remembered what questions she’d answered, what subjects she’d written on.

it’s weird and wonderful how like... way back when i was working on the bar exam chapters for "slip and fall season”, i read a bunch of things people had written about their experiences. and i remember people saying afterwards they totally forgot everything they wrote. i dont know if this ever ended up in safs, but it’s so cool how like... that was just sitting in my head, waiting to be useful.

like churning water heading for the shore.

all the best chapter endings are accidentally in iambic pentameter.