#is steve an alan rickman fan?

[esoterium]

there's no toe stepping. fortunately for his sake of preserving what self-confidence he has in any dance ability he might've picked up over the handful of years he's been awake versus not. and for the sake of her poor toes. he's not as light as he looks. they'd be tortured by now if he had a bad habit of stepping on them. flat as pancakes. fingers spread across the small of her back. their tips trail up to rest between her shoulders as his thumb from the opposite hand finds it's way to the thick skin just underneath hers. small circles to the beat of the song begin to be traced. slow and steady as they move inside their little box of space on the floor. he's content here. happy to have her as his partner. in his arms. casually bantering back and forth as if they have no care in the world. as if time has stopped and who they are only matters.

not what they are..

or what they represent.

the twinkle in her eye ignites the spark in his even brighter. a glow that warms his skin and makes his face appear all the younger. as if the time that's barely aged it physically has now let the finest lines that stress and worry have carved upon his skin fade the rest of the way into nothing. he laughs again. smirking as he sorts through the titles of films that the must watch trees have sent him on. little spirals of recommendations that came from sam then, eventually, were suggested by his television or whatever else he watched them on.

"mm? i think so. that was the one with the actor who played in the professor snape, right?" imagine that. two genres of pop culture. ol' cap might be becoming a real man of the modern era. or.. he's just got himself a couple of friends who won't let up on him until he says he's seen what they've asked of him. and he can't lie to them for shit.

                 THE GRIN THAT TAKES HOLD IS unrestrained and dazzling. It is so rare there needs to be photographic documentation some of their friends might tease —mainly clint and tony— as if it is some rare and otherworldly phenomenon. It isn’t and they know it, but they enjoy making the remarks. “please don’t step on my shoes. not these. they’re jimmy choo's i’ve had for years.” the warmth of his hand draws her in, and she relents, allowing the fingers of her left hand to close around his as they dance. such a strange thing, the intimacy of hands, of fingers closing around each other. she registers the calloused and rough skin of a soldier against her own smooth, soft hands. and the way her slender, perfectly manicured hand is practically engulfed in his. artists hands, she reminds herself.

                 natasha likes this, the contrast of a perceived symbol with the wear and tear of his palms, of the man behind the icon. she’s sure she can count on one hand the times she’s seen this smile of his, or the crinkle of his eyes. this is what a worry-free steve looks like and it makes her think back to ivan and his occasionally comments of working too much. you need to take time for yourself, natushka. how long has it been since you have not worked over the holidays? the holidays were always tricky business for her, especially after the incident with novoko and the subsequent struggles to regain her memory. work had helped make her feel like her old self but perhaps this year could be different. perhaps this year she would finally agree to once again host one of her infamous new year’s eve parties.

                 a brow arches and there’s a twinkle of amusement in her blue eyes. “does that mean you’ve watched love actually?”

[vincent-marie]

The only reason the Pigfarts books took off like they did was because they were written by a mediocre white woman who apparently can't let go of her Queen Bee glory days in school. She spread around that bullshit rags-to-riches story so she could pretend her books were "just that good", when in reality she was already rich enough to buy herself a monstrous marketing campaign.

Then Warner Brothers bought the movie rights & just about everyone who worked on THOSE did all the heavy-lifting for her from then on. Alfonso Cuaron gave that third movie some avant-garde flair with his use of continuous shots. John Williams wrote the score that Steve Martin did a really keen banjo cover of. That Roald Dahl villain ripoff of a potions teacher would NEVER have gotten so popular if he wasn't played by the late, great Alan Rickman, while Dame Maggie Smith is the REASON we remember the strict yet understanding teacher who would sometimes turn into a cat.

I'm not just saying all this because Joanne is a TERF. I'm saying this because she's an overrated hack who's been piggy-backing on the efforts of REAL artists & creators. She's basically been stealing credit for the work of officially-licensed fan artists. Daniel Radcliffe doesn't owe her. If anything, she owes HIM.

I'm gonna cap this off as another reminder to go watch THE OWL HOUSE and LITTLE WITCH ACADEMIA instead. Both of those shows are charming, funny, and actually feature neurodivergent-coded heroes instead of featuring ND folk as some mean-spirited punchline.

[marcovaleyeah]

09.11.23

#Mira-Marathon | Harry Potter

Film Name: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005); Production Studios: Warner Bros., Heyday Films, Patalex IV Productions Limited; Director by: Mike Newell; Screenwriter: Steve Kloves; Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Brendan Gleeson, Alan Rickman; Genres: Fantasy, Adventure, Family, Detective; Running Time: 2 hours 37 minutes;

The movie "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" tells about Harry, who accidentally becomes a participant in the dangerous Triwizard Tournament. This is an exciting adventure with themes of death and betrayal. The story attracts with an exciting plot, interesting characters and impressive visual effects. Overall, this is a great movie, especially for fans of magical adventures.

My rating: 9/10

[phoenixprjct]

🍿 The Philosopher's Stone brings Imagination to life - Basic Review 🍿

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Director and Writer (Platform): Chris Columbus and Steve Kloves - based on the book series by J.K. Rowling (NOW)

Publisher (Release): Warner Bros. Pictures (2001)

Harry Potter would undoubtedly have been a classic solely in its book form, but, thanks to the cast and crew of the film adaptations, the series has become a phenomenon. From detail-attentive storytelling to character castings that feel like the creators performed real magic to pull them from the pages, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone smartly uses its beefy runtime to tell an unmissable coming-of-age fantasy.

Distinct aesthetics create a strong, old-timey feel with John Williams' musical score complimenting with a special magic of its own. If there's any soundtrack that can transport millennials back to their younger, likely happier days, it's the haunting and epic magic Williams crafts for the film.

The Philosopher's Stone is pure imagination brought to life, and I have to give credit to absolute standout performances by Robbie Coltrane, Emma Watson, and Alan Rickman. Adaptations rarely hit as hard as the Harry Potter ones do, but even fewer scar pop culture in a way that, even two decades later, newbies and fans alike can be ensouled by the magic here.

For the full review and more posts like it, follow me here and visit my site:

[sideprince]

YOU GET IT. This book is really about Harry's relationship to Snape and foreshadowing that Snape's betrayal isn't all it seems to be. The Slughorn party scene makes me angry actually because Snape’s only purpose in it is to be the straight man in a comedy bit. He serves no narrative purpose (even the message he conveys has no purpose - it’s not like Dumbledore was cancelling an appointment, he’s just saying “we had no plans to meet and continue to not have any. k bye” but doing it through Snape for... some fucking reason ¯\_(ツ)_/¯). In the film ABOUT HIM where he’s only in four scenes one of them renders Snape’s presence narratively functionless. He's in that scene so the audience can get a laugh when McClaggen pukes on his shoes (and the timing of that whole bit is painfully clumsy and slow, because the films don't respect the audience's intelligence and assume them to be clumsy and slow too).

And you know what, I know I didn’t include the Sectumsempra scene and I’ll tell you why: because what’s the point? Snape shows up and says nothing. He heals Draco. He doesn’t hold Harry accountable???????? He doesn’t guess how Harry knew this uncharacteristically dark spell that isn't taught in class or punish Harry or even ask him “hey so about this student who’s bleeding to death in this bathroom where the only other person was you?” Snape's purpose in that scene is to fix Harry's mistake. Which is the complete antithesis of how he relates to Harry.

I’m frothing at the mouth at how Steve Kloves went out of his way to strip this scene of any substance for no discernible reason other than to handicap his own plot and character development??? Severus FUCKING Snape, who spends every book antagonizing and punishing Harry, just lets him go and fixes his near-fatal fuck-up without a word????? And Harry “slashed up a fellow student” Potter just walks away and is like, “that was messier than the time I fully murdered a teacher in my first year but anyway, guess I better do as Ginny says and go with her to hide this book, maybe we can hook up after,” and that’s just… fine. Which tracks with the rest of Kloves' sloppy writing, since he doesn't show Harry getting attached to the book, let alone the Prince, he just carries it around and reads it sometimes. And even when he does that we don't see him get immersed in it, he's still fully aware of what's going on around him and actively participating in conversations while perusing it. If you watch this film (or any of them) and think about every scene in the context of "what if I hadn't read the book and didn't have the understanding it gave me for what's happening or the emotional attachment to the characters" then you'll see how Kloves took a vibrant, colorful landscape and turned it into a hand-drawn cardboard cutout.

The purpose the Sectumsempra scene serves in the book is manifold and complex:

Harry's trust in the Prince is shaken and he sees an ugly side to this unknown person he's anthropomorphized into a kind of friend.

This is paralleled with Snape appearing at that exact moment, because foreshadowing.

Harry, who at the end of the previous book wanted and failed to use an Unforgiveable on Bellatrix Lestrange, experiences what it is to enact violence on someone for the first time and is deeply shaken by it.

Snape DISCOVERS THAT HARRY HAS HIS OLD POTIONS BOOK.

Snape, who suggested expulsion in Harry's second year for being seen flying a car across the country and into the Whomping Willow, punishes him for attempted manslaughter with nightly detentions. I need a whole other post to unpack this one (and while this may not work for the film, the solution isn't to scrap Harry being punished altogether - that goes against Snape's character and eliminates possibilities for tension, exposition, and plot development, not to mention character development).

Harry chooses to hide the book in the Room of Requirement and hand Snape Ron's book instead. This is a crucial moment for Harry's character development: he hides the book with the goal of retrieving it later, because despite the Prince's violent betrayal, he doesn't reject him and is still attached to him [insert meta about the potential parallels to Lily's friendship with Snape, what she saw in him, and why they remained friends for some time even when Snape became more immersed in the Dark Arts]. In fact, Harry wants to go back and get it, and his main reason for not doing so is fear of discovery by Snape, not a rejection of the Prince. This is a hugely important moment once you realize that Snape is the Prince, because it makes Harry's relationship to him - and his view of Snape's betrayal when he kills Dumbledore - much more complex and interesting and cathartic. It also shows that Snape has redeemable qualities, if Harry was able to become so attached to his younger self (the one who was an aspiring DE, before he defected and risked his life to save a friend, at that).

Snape's realization that Harry has his old Potions book is what leads to the moment after Dumbledore's death where Snape reveals his identity as the Prince. If he didn't know Harry had his old book and had learnt from it, why would he do this?

The purpose of the Sectumsempra scene in the film, though? Imprisonable offence after imprisonable offence. Writer's jail for Kloves:

Harry and Malfoy have it out, even though that tension hasn't really been built up (there was the Hogwarts Express scene and then not much after. Fun fact: when Draco gets caught gatecrashing Slughorn's party, it's done without having set up in any way that he's overlooked by Slughorn and insecure about losing his social standing due to his dad's imprisonment. There's zero attention given to his lack of inclusion in the Slug Club, so the fact he's using gatecrashing as an excuse to cover for sneaking off to the RoR is impossible for the viewer to understand, because the fact that he'd need to gatecrash at all is also unexplained, unless they had context from the books).

Snape saves Malfoy, but since neither character has had much screen time or relevance to the plot, it's just a striking visual to see Malfoy splayed on the water logged floor with Snape's robes swirling around them but not much more. Again, without the context from the books, this moment lacks substance.

There are no repercussions for Harry. He and his friends acknowledge that the book is dangerous, but Harry isn't punished, doesn't try to make amends, and basically acts like the self-involved special little boy Snape makes him out to be and who the books show him to be the opposite of. He doesn't seem all that conflicted or horrified and doesn't even hide the book on his own, his friends push him to get rid of it, and he goes to do it because it's a way to hang out with Ginny - who hides it on his behalf, which signals very different things about Harry's character than Book!Harry's choices do. The purpose of hiding the book in the film isn't so Harry can try and get it back later because he's still attached to the Prince, it's so he can be alone with Ginny and they can kiss, which Ginny instigates because Steve Kloves does nothing better than write passive protagonists who don't have to lift an emotional finger (see: Harry going along with being told to hide book instead of choosing to do so himself), and female characters who do all the heavy (and weirdly subservient? I'm looking at you Ginny feeding Harry and tying his shoes at the Burrow) lifting.

Nothing about this scene gives us even a remote hint that Snape is the Prince. When, at the end of the film, Snape reveals that he's the Half-Blood Prince, there is no context for it in the film or reasonable cause for him to know that Harry knows who the Half-Blood Prince even is. It's like if Ron walked up to someone on the street when he was 40 and said "yes, I am Roonil Wazlib." This revelation hasn't been set up, all its foreshadowing has been deliberately avoided, so it doesn't land with the impact it has in the books and definitely doesn't have the same effect if you haven't read the book first.

In short, in the film about Snape, and Harry's unwitting relationship with him, the scene where the biggest clue is given about the Prince's identity and one of the most crucial interactions between Harry and Snape happens, Snape is a sidebar, not a feature. So I don't count it as a Snape scene. He doesn't even have any dialogue aside from vulnera sanentur. Poor Alan Rickman was doing his best to do right by Snape's character with his acting even though the script gave him literally nothing. I hope every bowl of soup Steve Kloves eats for the rest of his life is cold and unsalted. Unless it's gazpacho. Then I hope it's scalding hot and burns his tongue.

Canon: Harry overhears Malfoy intimidating Borgin and figures out that he's been branded with the Dark Mark

Steve Kloves: Harry sees Malfoy meet a bunch of Death Eaters in Borgin and Burkes and figures out it was a ceremony to give Malfoy a Dark Mark

No but what I love about the movie version of events is that it implies that any Death Eater can brand anyone with the Dark Mark or, even better, that Voldemort was there in Borgin and Burkes and no one saw or heard him and he just popped into a shop in Knockturn Alley, tatooted a kid, and peaced out. I know I talk a lot about how Rowling (boo, hiss) was thoughtless with her world building, but she has nothing on Steve Kloves. I'm pretty sure he wrote those scripts with a crayon stuck between his toes.

[softsnzstuff]

Hi KB! Thank you so much for all you do for the community! You're an amazing writer & I love your work so much.

Here's some questions!

Top 5 Stranger Things Characters

Are you a film buff? If so, have you watched any Old Hollywood films? Do you have any fave actors/actresses/genres?

Are you a Halloween/Christmas person/a combo/or neither?

Best candy?

Are you into zodiac/astrology?

Are you a gamer? If so, what are some of your faves?

Are you a Jane Austen fan? If so, what is your fave book/adaptation of hers?

What has been the best gift you have ever given/or received?

Have you ever met a celebrity? If so, what were they like?

What are your immediate snz turn ons/offs?

❤️

Oh my god hello!! These are the best questions ever????? I’m so excited to answer these.

Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley, Jim Hopper, Joyce Byers

I am a film buff!! One of the older Hollywood films I’ve seen is Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds” which I love to poke fun at. Fave actors and actresses change pretty often but some classics are Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson.

I LOVE Halloween. I love the warm feeling christmas brings too but something about Halloween just gets me. I used to combine them for the longest time. From September thru Dec 26 was deemed ChristmasO’Ween!

Oh fuck that’s like choosing between children. Strawberry sour punch straws and Twix/Reeses

I find zodiac and astrology interesting but I am by no means an expert or even mediocre at it ahhaha. But I’m a Taurus!

I wouldn’t consider myself a gamer, but I love any Mario games and my fave game series is Professor Layton.

I am a huge Jane Austen fan! Hands down Pride and Prejudice is my favorite. It’s such a funny piece of work, and I’ve always been a Bingley Girl.

Hmmm I’m a big fan of sentimental gifts. One friend got me a plush Dino that I had mentioned liking this one night. We had gone out because my ex cheated on me and my friend came to cheer me up. It was so sweet she remembered. • Best gift given? Got my aunt’s bf a Danny Devito coloring book this year ayyyyy 😎

Fun fact about KB - I’ve met a TON of celebrities. Chris Hemsworth, Sebastian Stan, the BBC Sherlock Cast, some old school YouTubers. ALSO DUH OMG Joseph Quinn, Grace Van Dien, Jamie Campbell Bower. But the best story by far is when I met Rupert Grint

Turn offs are like. When ppl let the mess sit on their face for a long time? But also like. Dad sneezes or scream sneezes. Not a big fan of those. • Turn ons??? Fuck. Big fan of a cute stifle or like. Sometimes when someone tries to talk thru a buildup? Hot.

These were so fun! Thank you so much Anon! Hope you learned a lot about me!

[steves-on-a-plane]

Holiday Movie

for @thefanficfaerie​‘s OTP Challenge (2020)               Words: 352 Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader               Prompt: Winter Wonderland: Day 18- Holiday Movie Summary: Tony lent a few movies to Steve for he and Reader to watch. When the Star Spangled Man suggests they start with Die Hard, it sparks a debate about what exactly is considered a Christmas Movie.

“Steve, I don’t care what Tony says. Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.” You disagreed.

“Well, it takes place on Christmas Eve…” Steve tried to argue.

“So do Batman Returns, Edward Scissorhands and Gremlins but no one considers those Christmas movies.” You disagreed.

“Well, those people are wrong.” Steve insisted. “Also, you just gave me two more movies to add to my list.”

“Which one did you already have?” You watched Steve pick up his notebook and jotted down two more titles.

“I have all the comic book movies on a separate list.” He told you. “Now, what do you say Darlin’? You up for a Die Hard marathon?”

“Hmmm Not a big Bruce Willace fan.” You grimaced. “But I could listen to Alan Rickman read the phone book so I’ll stick around as long as he does.”

“Alan Rickman? Why does that name sound so familiar?” Steve asked powering on the TV and the DVD Player.

“He was in the Harry Potter movies when we watched them.” You explained. “He played…”

“Oh!” Steve exclaimed excitedly when he remembered. “He was the potion teacher with the long hair! He was good. He’s in this?”  

“Yeah.” You agreed dreamily.

“Would you like me to read you the phone book sometime?” Steve asked.

“Hmm?” You’d been preoccupied thinking about Alan Rickman. Steve’s offer had caught you off guard. You’d almost forgotten about the joke you’d made earlier. “Oh, Honey I meant…”

“It’s okay. I get it. I’m not a British actor with a nice accent.” Steve rolled his eyes before adding with a teasing mumble, “I saved the world at least a dozen times but…” He shrugged.

“Don’t worry, Honey.” You snuggled up close to him. You rested your head against his beefy shoulder. It was the best pillow in the house. You snaked your arms around his and tucked your feet under your body. “I wouldn’t trade you for all the Alan Rickmans and Harrison Fords in the word.”

“Harrison Ford? That’s some heavy competition.” He laughed.

“I think you could take him.” You assured him before kissing him on the cheek.

[freudensteins-monster]

MCU Crossover idea#84674b: Rebooted (MCU x Galaxy Quest)

In the early 2000’s comic book giant Marvel decided to bring their beloved stories to the small screen in the form of something unprecedented; three separate shows (“Iron Man”, “Captain America”, and “The Incredible Hulk”) running concurrently with plans to bring the storylines together in Marvel’s first cinematic venture, “The Avengers”. While the shows were well received (despite the cheesy one liners and cheesier special effect) and became fan favourites the movie was plagued with problems before the cameras even started rolling and production came to a halt a less than a month in and all three tv shows were unceremoniously cancelled soon after. “The Avengers movie that never was” is still the subject of fan conversations and wild conspiracy theories and the few scenes that have been leaked online are highly coveted, keeping interest in cast appearances at conventions up.

Featuring...

Tony Stark – Hollywood bad boy in the early nineties, given lead in Iron Man to get people talking and was his “last chance”. While his behaviour was not the only reason the Avengers film failed it was a big contributing factor. Still acts like he’s hot shit even though the biggest job he’s booked in between stints in rehab was a Japanese commercial. (Tim Allen)

Pepper Potts – Tony’s long suffering assistant, initially strung along with the promise of a role in Iron Man show but now, “old” in Hollywood years, has resigned herself to picking up after Tony. Not involved in the outer space adventure but in the reboot Tony finally keeps his promise and Pepper, art imitating life, gets to play Tony’s assistant-turned-girlfriend. (a little Sigourney Weaver)

Bruce Banner – Attended Julliard and was a Broadway star before he made the jump to the small screen in the role of Dr Jekyll to a cheap CGI monstrosity’s Mr Hyde in The Incredible Hulk. Has been tainted by the “superhero movie” brush and hasn’t been able to land any serious roles in theatre since, only B-grade sci-fi/horror movies pretty much playing the same role of the possibly evil smart guy over and over again. Incredibly frustrated that fans only care about “Hulk Smash!” when he won a goddamn Emmy for his portrayal of the tortured scientist. (Alan Rickman)

Bucky Barnes – former child star, played Captain America’s peppy side kick who was killed off-screen in the series finale. Now a bitter army vet (less an arm?) he only does the conventions for the paycheck. Hates being reminded of how adorable he used to be, how different he is now, it just reminds him of all his wasted potential. In the reboot he gets to shed the red tights and come back to the MTU (Marvel Television Universe) reboot as “The Winter Soldier”. (Tommy Webber, a little Guy Fleegman)

Steve Rogers – played a pre-serum Captain America in the first episode and then in flashbacks. The actor who played the post-serum Captain America died of a steroid overdose a few years after the Avengers film stalled and the convention organisers will take what they can get. Doesn’t hurt that he has his own little fan base from the show and more recently from his MTU fanart. Hit a growth spurt after the show and is now pretty buff in his own right, not that you can tell because of those grandpa clothes he wears insists on wearing. Pretty laid back about the whole convention circuit (as long as he stays away from Tony), also doing it for some extra cash (mother’s medical/funeral bills?). Pretty quiet, spends most of his time off to the side sketching away on his tablet. (a little Fred Kwan, a little Guy Fleegman)

Natasha Romanoff – had reoccurring bit parts in all three series and fans theorised that they would be revealed to be the same character, the Black Widow, the character she was supposed to play in the movie. Has only had bit parts in various tv shows after being blacklisted from Hollywood for making sexual harassment allegations against a high powered producer in a pre-#MeToo world. (a little Sigourney weaver, a little Alan Rickman?)

Clint Barton – Con panel announcer or Natasha’s boyfriend/bodyguard? Very Fred Kwan who knows how handle a weapon. “When did you learn how to shoot like that?”/”Well, I once tried out for the Olympic archery team, but that didn’t exactly work out.” Gets cast in the reboot as Hawkeye.

Thor – legit alien prince. Has grown up on Heimdal’s tales of “earth’s mightiest heroes” not knowing that they were a tv show. After his home is destroyed he seeks them out and brings them back to his spaceship in the hopes they can help him kill Thanos/stop him getting all the infinity stones? (Mathesar)

Peter Parker – fanboy that Tony insulted at the con, the one Tony’s able to contact for vital MTU info re infinity stones etc.? (Brandon)

[sideprince]

I don't want to speak for a dead man I've never met but I would bet actual money that Alan Rickman would agree with most of the fan takes on movie!Snape falling short. It's honestly unfair that he was the face of the character and everyone knows him but so few people know Steve Kloves' name when it's his writing that did Snape so dirty.

Upon rereading HBP, I can't believe they chose to discard all the emotions portrayed in this scene from the movie. In my opinion, this particular moment holds great significance in comprehending the core of Severus' character.

Harry had dived for his wand; Snape shot a hex at it and it flew away into the darkness and out of sight.

“Kill me then,” panted Harry, who felt no fear at all, but only rage and contempt. “Kill me like you killed him, you coward-“

“DON’T-,” screamed Snape, and his face was suddenly demented, inhuman, as though as though he was in as much pain as the yelping, howling dog stuck in the burning house behind them-“CALL ME COWARD!”

Although movie!Snape did show some regret after killing Dumbledore, it pales in comparison to the emotional breakdown that the book version of Snape had. Not only was he called a coward for something he regretted doing, but he also had to deal with Harry's attempts to use his spells against him, which likely triggered his worst memory.

[elvenwitch]

I’ve been searching everywhere for an answer to this, but can passed on celebrities attach themselves to you? Occasionally I get overwhelming feelings of love and a spiritual connection to celebrities that have passed. I also get overwhelming feelings of sadness of them being gone. None of them have passed recently. And they’re always people I never thought of much beforehand so I can’t even say it’s because I was a fan of theirs. What is happening to me?

Hi! My first thought is perhaps you’re tapping into the energies surrounding their deaths. Mourning and sadness are powerful things, and celebs who pass on can be mourned by people all over the world (think of how much appreciation and loss circles around a photo of Steve Irwin or Alan Rickman). Even without having a personal interest in these people, you could still be sensitive to the energies that their fans have spent years or decades putting out. 

Of course, it’s possible you’re a magnet for long-deceased celebrity ghosts, but I feel that’s the less likely scenario. Maybe see if you can recreate a similar sensation reading obituaries of average people.

[disneyadaptations]

Welcome to the very first edition of the Disney Live-Action Awards. With this, we hope to celebrate the best of DLA through a total 12 different categories. We’ve tried our best to come up with fair and deserving nominees for every category. 

How to vote? It’s simple. All you have to do is to CLICK HERE and select your favorite nominee in each category. You must vote for every category and scroll down and click on submit. We think all categories are pretty self-explanatory but if you have any concern or question, feel free to message us.

Voting begins on February 1st and will end on March 1st.

Under the read more, you will find all the categories and nominees.

Best Movie Alice in Wonderland The Muppets Oz the Great and Powerful Saving Mr Banks Maleficent Into the Woods Cinderella The Jungle Book Pete's Dragon Beauty and the Beast

Best Director Alice in Wonderland, Tim Burton Cinderella, Kenneth Brannagh The Jungle Book, Jon Favreau Pete's Dragon, David Lowery Beauty and the Beast, Bill Condon

Best Lead Actress Alice in Wonderland, Mia Wasikowska as Alice Saving Mr Banks,  Emma Thompson as P.L. Travers Maleficent, Angelina Jolie as Maleficent Cinderella, Lily James as Ella Beauty and the Beast, Emma Watson as Belle

Best Lead Actor Into the Woods, James Corden as The Baker Cinderella, Richard Madden as Prince Kit The Jungle Book, Neel Sethi as Mowgli Pete's Dragon, Oakes Fegley as Pete Beauty and the Beast, Dan Stevens as The Beast

Best Song The Muppets, Life's a Happy Song Into the Woods, Into the Woods Cinderella, Lavender's Blue The Jungle Book, The Bare Necessities Beauty and the Beast, Evermore

Best Supporting Actress Alice in Wonderland, Helena Bonham Carter as The Red Queen The Muppets, Amy Adams as Mary Oz the Great and Powerful, Rachel Weisz as Evanora Maleficent, Elle Fanning as Aurora Cinderella, Cate Blanchett as Lady Tremaine

Best Supporting Actor The Muppets, Jason Segel as Gary Saving Mr Banks, Colin Farrell as Travers Robert Goff Maleficent, Sharlto Copley as King Stefan Pete's Dragon, Robert Redford as Mr. Meacham Beauty and the Beast, Luke Evans as Gaston

Best Visual Effects Maleficent Cinderella The Jungle Book The BFG Beauty and the Beast

Best Costumes Oz the Great and Powerful Maleficent Cinderella Alice Through the Looking Glass Beauty and the Beast

Best Production Design Oz the Great and Powerful Maleficent Into the Woods Cinderella Beauty and the Beast

Best Voicing Alice in Wonderland, Alan Rickman as Absolem The Muppets, Steve Whitmire as Kermit the Frog, Beaker, Statler, Rizzo the Rat Oz the Great and Powerful, Zach Braff as Finley The Jungle Book, Idris Elba as Shere Khan Beauty and the Beast, Ewan McGregor as Lumiere

Best Cast Ensemble Alice in Wonderland Oz the Great and Powerful Into the Woods Cinderella Beauty and the Beast

[cromulentbookreview]

Weaponized Jaws

Or: Seafire by Natalie C. Parker!

Action on the seas featuring badass female protagonists? Yeah, I’m definitely going to read that. Very little needed in the way of convincing me to read this book.

Seafire had been advertised before as Fury Road meets Wonder Woman meets the ocean, which makes sense. Though with much less Wonder Woman and way more of Kevin Costner's Waterworld.

Alright, children, gather around while I explain to you what Waterworld was.

Yeah, Waterworld. Not a video game, it was a movie starring Kevin Costner, the world’s only American-accented Robin Hood (hey, I like that movie, Alan Rickman was a treasure and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise). Waterworld came out in 1995 and was massive flop, now a bit of a cult-classic. I remember 1995, somewhat vaguely. God I’m an Old now, aren’t I?

I’ll never be as cool as Steve Buscemi, though.

For those of you who enjoy both Fury Road and Waterworld, then you’ll definitely like Seafire. I love anything that takes place on the ocean - a side effect of my strange Dudes on Boats fixation that I’ve mentioned previously (my apologies to For a Muse of Fire, . Sea stories are kind of my thing. So is post-apocalyptic YA fiction. So this book ticked all the “I need entertainment and want to forget the news exists right now” boxes and worked out perfectly.

Caledonia Styx lives in Crapsack Waterworld, a post-apocalyptic flooded version of our world (referenced occasionally as the “old world”, flooded/destroyed as a result of some unknown calamity). Caledonia has the misfortune to live in an area controlled by Aric Athair, a vicious warlord and sir-not-appearing-in-this-book (since Seafire is the first in a planned trilogy, I’m sure we’ll meet him eventually). Anyway, Athair controls his war boys, called Bullets, by drugging them with something called Silt, made from some sort of weird hybrid poppy-flower-thing. Life in Athair’s territory sucks, so Caledonia’s mom, Rhona, and a bunch of other families have gotten together on the Styx family’s ship, the Ghost, to break through Athair’s blockade and head off to freedom elsewhere.

Unfortunately, the night the Ghost intends to escape, Caledonia and her best friend Pisces (they’re really big on the names from Greco Roman mythology in crapsack Waterworld) are sent ashore to gather some last minute supplies. Caledonia comes across a bullet called Lir, who asks for her help. It’s all bullshit, though - the second Caledonia gives away the location of the Ghost, Lir and his fellow bullets attack, slaughtering Caledonia and Pisces’s families and sinking the Ghost.

Pisces didn’t witness Lir’s treachery, though, and Caledonia, feeling responsible for the deaths of all those onboard the Ghost, keeps that bit where she gave away the position of the ship to herself. That makes sense, considering how guilty it feels, but later, as Caledonia refers to Pisces as her “sister”, the fact that she kept this bit of intel under wraps does become a tad annoying. Especially when Caledonia refuses, multiple times, to clarify why it is she does’t trust Bullets. She’s just like “nope, can’t trust Bullets” instead of “no, that one time I trusted a Bullet, he slaughtered our families.”

Anyway!

Four years after the deaths of their families, Caledonia and Pisces have raised and repaired the Ghost, renaming it the Mors Navis.

(Language nerd sidebar: Mors Navis, by the way, is Latin for Death Ship. Thank you Google translate! No thanks to my 10+ years of German education. Why couldn’t I have picked a Latin language? Noo, I had to go with the Germanics. Mors Navis does sound way more menacing than Totenschiff. Eat it, B. Traven).

Over those four years, Caledonia, acting as captain, and Pisces, her first mate, have collected a crew composed entirely of girls and women, all of whom have no love for Aric Athair and his Bullet army. Caledonia and her crew basically go around the Bullet seas, making life hell for Athair’s people. During one such mission, Pisces is wounded and then captured, only to be rescued and returned to the Mors Navis by a Bullet who claims he wants to escape. Caledonia, who has literally zero reasons to trust Bullets, doesn’t trust him. Pisces points out, reasonably, that he saved her life when he could have left her to die. But Caledonia simply repeats her mantra of “no trusting Bullets” while refusing to elaborate.

Until the Bullet lets it slip that Donnally and Ares, Caledonia and Pisces’s brothers, respectively, survived the massacre on board the Ghost and were pressed into Athair’s drug-addled Bullet army. He knows what ship Donnally and Ares are on, and the route it takes to bring in conscripts (read: children stolen from their families, drugged, and forced into Athair’s army, refusal to comply met with extreme violence, in the usual fashion of a murderous tyrant).

Suddenly, Caledonia has reason to question her strict “don’t trust Bullets” policy. But it’s one of those Meek’s Cutoff situations: the Bullet could be a lying sack of shit and leading the Mors Navis into a trap. Or he could be telling the truth, leading Caledonia and Pisces to their long-lost brothers. What to do?

Well, it’d be a pretty short book if they just shot the Bullet, dumped his body in the ocean and moved on, wouldn’t it?

It took me a little longer to read Seafire than I intended - I’m a slow reader anyway, but while I was reading Seafire, I was also binging on Scott Lynch’s Gentleman Bastard series (which are fantastic by the way - highly recommend the audiobooks, Michael Page is an amazing audiobook narrator) so my focus may have been just a wee bit divided. My biggest complaint is now we have yet another seafaring heroine with red hair. How come all the seafaring heroines have to have red hair? Also, it’s funny you should bring up red hair, because in the world of the Gentleman Bastards, bad things happen to girls with red hair. Seriously, how come all the fiery heroine types have to have red hair? I mean, it’s not like I’m jealous or anything. I mean, it’s not like I should have been born with red hair, but no, it ended up a dull, boring blonde, and hair dye is expensive and smells terrible...

Uhm.

I mean.

Seriously, though, red hair is a rare thing - if Caledonia’s father had dark hair and her mother had red hair, the most likely outcome would be a bunch of kids with...dark hair. Though if her father did have a recessive red-hair gene, then it’s entirely possible for him to have produced red-headed children... So I guess it’s possible. 

Not that I’m annoyed that my hair didn’t turn out red. Even though it should have, goddamn it! I know those recessive genes are in there somewhere!

Stupid lousy blonde hair grumble grumble grumble...

Ok, back to Seafire - it is definitely a highly enjoyable book, lots of nonstop action, but not a lot of resolution because it’s the first in an intended series. I highly recommend breezing through the book in one go, rather than endlessly picking it up and then putting it down in order to find out whether or not Locke and Jean finally kiss (they don’t). 

But yes, jealousy over fictional characters’ red hair aside, the only major complaint I have about Seafire rests with a single line. The thing about reading ARCs, which I think I’ve mentioned before but, again, nobody reads these, so I might as well: ARCs are not finished copies. The final copy of Seafire might not even feature this line, so it seems silly to complain about it, but complaining is fun so I’ll do it anyway.

So the secondary-boss villain, Lir, Caledonia’s sworn enemy as he killed her whole goddamn family, is described as having a “long face with a jaw that looked sharp enough to be a weapon of its own.”

From that line onward I found I was unable to focus on anything except how a man’s jaw could be sharp enough to constitute a weapon. It’s a question that’s been driving me to distraction for weeks now. Is Lir’s jawline sharp enough that it comes to a point, like a knife? What would that look like on a three-dimensional human person? How would one wield their weaponized jaws? Like a battering ram? Or would you just like, wave your head around like a sword? Does this mean his chin comes to a point, too? That one line of the galley proof of Seafire has caused me more consternation than anything else in the book - and this is a book that features lots of violence. Lots and lots of it. And here I am contemplating a man with a weaponized jawbone. 

I mean, of the whole book it’s one line and it doesn’t even matter but...but...gah, I can’t help but picture a guy with knives for a jaw. 

RECOMMENDED FOR: Fans of badass female protagonists kicking ass on the high seas, fans of YA lit who also happen to be fans of Kevin Costner’s Waterworld.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone who takes physical descriptions of fictional far too literally.

RELEASE DATE: August 28, 2018

RATING: 4/5

ANTICIPATION LEVEL FOR SEQUEL: Lhotse

OBLIGATORY STYX REFERENCE:

[jadelotusflower]

2018 Reading List - February

February - finished

The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan - Always one of my favourite movies, I had read the book many years ago and had the urge to revisit.  A wonderful story of four Chinese women and their American-born daughters, and what’s the most interesting is that it is truly female-centric, the male characters are husbands and fathers and very much on the periphery.  I really love this book.

The Lost Child of Philomena Lee by Martin Sixsmith - Based on a true story and the inspiration for the film Philomena with Judi Dench and Steve Coogan.  However rather than source material the book is more a companion to the film than anything else - the film is Philomena’s story as she searches to find the child she was forced to give up for adoption while the actual life of Michael Hess (born Anthony Lee) plays a very small part.  The book is the opposite, with only short interludes about Sixsmith’s search to find Philomena’s child, and Philomena herself only appearing at the beginning until the adoption, and in the epilogue.  The rest is Michael’s story, told in great detail in novel format, from adoption and move to the US, struggling with his sexuality and identity issues,career as a constitutional lawyer and working for the Republican party during the Reagan and Bush eras, to death from AIDs in the 90′s.  

While I enjoyed the book, the format is a little strange - I love historical fiction, but when the history is so recent it does seem almost like a breach of privacy.  Sixsmith is putting words into the mouths of people who are still living, recreating the life of Michael Hess by attributing thoughts, feelings and actions to him that we have no idea are accurate - that Sixsmith cannot have any idea are accurate no matter how much research he did (and have in some cases been disputed by Michael’s partner and friends).  It raises a question about the ethics of historical fiction and my own reaction to - why do I feel slightly uncomfortable reading this and not, for example, watching a film based on true events where the characters portrayed are people who are still alive?  Perhaps a novel feels more intimate, perhaps because I was expecting more of a biography (in many ways it presents this way, with no disclaimer and complete with photographs), or a story more in line with the film.  I have very mixed feelings about this book.

But there’s lots of interesting stuff - a deeper look at the corruption of the Catholic Church and the Abbeys that kept unwed mothers in indentured servitude for three years and sold their children, the cruelty and judgement of the Sisters, and the Irish government who allowed it to happen, and the continued efforts to cover up what happened, and prevent both mother and child from finding each other again.  It really was a travesty and if nothing else the book does bring these events to account.       

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - After starting a halfway re-read in January, I had to finish it off.  When this book was first released I was living in London, and went to the bookstore on Saturday morning with my flatmate to buy the book before heading to the movies (Spiderman 3 I think) - I remember sitting in the cinema starting to read, and Hedwig was killed just before the lights went dark.  After the movie we went home and I spent the rest of the day and night reading - I think I finished around 3 am.  I still think the book is as engaging as it was then, albeit with its own flaws (Dumbledore’s sexuality as subtext only, the epilogue with all those fanficcy children’s names, JFC Harry, let your wife choose at least one!).  I think the entire series really does have some fantastic, nuanced characters that manage to show the shades of grey so many people like to think they have in their work, when really it’s thinly veiled villain apologia.  

“The world isn’t divided into good people and Death Eaters” - we get to see Dumbledore the puppet master still striving for the greater good at the expense of others, but can appreciate why he did what he did.  We can sympathise with Draco for being a product of his environment and the Malfoy’s about-face which helped win the day, while still knowing that he did terrible things of his own free will almost till the end, but also that he can move beyond the mistakes of his youth and become better.  

And then there’s Snape, the subject of so much meta and fandom discourse.  Honestly, I always really enjoyed Snape as a character because he was so very interesting (+ Alan Rickman was everything)  - which is unusual for me because I generally don’t find ostensible villains very interesting. But  IMO, he’s one of the more complex antagonists of recent times, because while he’s on the side of good, he is not in any way a good person.  In fact, he remains pretty terrible, even after he learns of Harry’s intended fate (you think that would have softened him up a bit) - but terrible people can still do the right thing for the wrong reasons, and that’s very interesting to me.  A Prince’s Tale explains him, but it doesn’t absolve him - that Harry names one of his son’s after him says more about Harry’s character than Snape’s.  Do good works redeem without good intentions?  Is it enough to be big picture good if you’re small picture terrible?  It’s ambiguous, and deliberately so.  

If nothing else this re-read reminded me just how much I do love the series, and the world and characters JK created. Ravenclaw pride!

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child by Jack Thorne and JK Rowling - Someone bought this for me when it was first release, but I never had to urge to read it before now.  Seemed fitting, since it picks up exactly where the epilogue leaves off and follows young Albus Severus Potter as he heads off the Hogwarts, befriends Scorpius Malfoy (precious smol bean!), and gets sorted into Slytherin.  While there are flaws and I can understand the fan reaction I didn’t mind it even if it reads more like fanfiction than an official addition to the canon (partly because very little fazes me anymore) - but the relationship between Albus and Scorpius is compelling, as are the themes of inter-generational prejudice and the woes of being ordinary with extraordinary parents. 

I just wish it was done with more skill - if anyone has any good fanfic recs, particularly about the early Hogwarts years of the kids, I’d like to hear them.         

February - ongoing

The Fiery Cross by Diana Gabaldon - I read another 100 pages.  At this rate I’ll be done by this time next year.  

[drawinggoose]

Some HP ramblings.

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about my feelings concerning Harry Potter universe - namely books, film adaptations and one of the new additions to the franchise, The Cursed Child. All those thoughts has literally created an abysmal whirlpool of very mixed emotions, so I thought it may be helpful to write it all down. Let’s fasten seatbelts, have some nice, warm cocoa and start.

When I was younger I loved the films. I adored them almost as much as I adored the books. When every new adaptation had it’s premiere I was there, in the middle of the night, away from home and surrounded by countless strangers, but I didn’t mind - even when normally that would be a pure nightmare for me - because I was so hyped for the new ride. The possibility of seeing your beloved characters on the screen was pure bliss. But later something changed. The more I re-read the books and more I re-watched the films, the more disillusioned I was. Nowadays I cannot even bring myself to watch the movies again (while I regularly go back to the novels). 

The most grievious sin for me was changing the personalities of the large part of the cast. I mean... Really large. I think it would be easier to count those who were left mostly intact: Hagrid, Mrs. Weasley, Draco Malfoy maybe the Twins... And a couple of others. The rest was altered, from little changes here and there, to complete annihilation of the original personalities. My great dislike of Filmatrix (Helena Bonham Carter’s take on Bellatrix) is quite obvious for those who follow my posts, but there are others. Poor Ron - what did happen to him? Castrated and robbed of his great lines, and memorable scenes, all in favour of Hermione, originally wonderfully flawed and realistic character, who in the films has become the Wondergirl of the HP cinematic universe. Seriously, it was so bloody obvious, no subtlety at all. Movie!Ginny suffered from similar treatment as her brother, becoming meek and quiet. I’m not even talking about Dumbledore from the 3rd film onwards... And yes, I think that even fan favourite, Alan Rickman wasn’t the same Snape from the books.  I’m sure it is not solely the fault of the actors. In my opinion it was rather a result of several factors: directors’s decisions, Steve Kloves’ writing and actors’s personal interpretations of their characters (*cough*, HBC, *cough*). Of course there were many more problems, like the infamous Burrow fire scene (seriously!?), but I think the characters suffered the most.

Now, where does The Cursed Child fits in? There are several ways it links to the previous topic. Firstly - I think it’s quite curious how plenty of people hate it passionately, while at the same time many, many Potter fans not only are OK with the films, but even view the universe exactly how it was presented on the screen, not how it was described in the books. Potterheads will rant endlessly about CC’s inconsistencies and divergence from canon, but also 80/90% of the fanbase see Bellatrix Lestrange as sexy, corset-clad, childish, rat-nest-haired caricature.

Secondly - I’m quite surprised with myself, that I ended up as a firm spokesman for the CC. Those who follow my blog can confirm that I often defended it against the waves of criticism. Why does it surprise me? Because CC suffers from similar problems as the films do. Ron character seems like a movie-born comic relief, the rumor about Scorpius is simply ridiculous, there is too much messing with the time travel, Cedric is suddenly a Death Eater, Ron and Hermione have seemingly lost Hugo, because he’s nowhere to be seen, there is almost no information about the Big Bad, the Augurey... Yeah, I have some issues with this play. So why do I defend it in the first place? I guess, because it is currently “The Unfavorite” of the HP fandom; I’ve always had a thing for those types. There are also pleasant aspects of this story: Ginny/Harry and Ron/Hermione are as loving and supporting of each other as ever. Scorpius and Albus’ relationship is simply too cute. McGonagall is still badass and I really like the concept of Delphi (yes, I think it IS a nice plot twist). Sure her character was not fleshed enough, and by the end of the play some may view her as a general oh-so-evil villain, but I think there is more to her than that - it can be seen in her scene with “Voldemort”.

Anyway, thank you to all who decided to read this lengthy, badly written rant. I really should start doing something a little more productive.

[gremlichmovies]

Best of Hollywood! (12/19 Update)

The Best of All Time: Michael Caine, John Hurt, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, Alan Rickman, Maggie Smith, Harrison Ford, Ian McKellen, Christopher Lee, Cary Grant, Benedict Cumberbatch, Martin Freeman, Matt Smith, Alex Kingston, Robert Carlyle, Helena Bonham Carter, Angelica Huston, Cilian Murphy, Geoffery Rush, Tom Wilkinson, Audrey Hepburn, Julie Andrews, Bill Nighy, Ben Kingsley, David Thewlis      

The Best Actors of Recent Times: Mark Gatiss, Amy Adams, Lewis MacDougall, Sian Brooke, Matthew McConaughey, Andy Serkis, Daisy Ridley, Amanda Abbington, Tom Hanks, Leonardo DiCaprio, Johnny Depp, Asa Butterfield, Mackenzie Foy, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Liam Neeson, Christian Bale, Richard Dean Anderson, Emma Thompson, Rebecca Hall, Michael Gambon, Tom Hardy, Josh Hutcherson, Karen Gillan, Arthur Darvill, Mark Hamill, Kenneth Branagh, Peter Capaldi, David Tennant

The Old Classics: Gregory Peck, Robert Preston, Christopher Plummer, Dick Van Dyke, Ron Moody, Topol, Peter O’Toole, George C. Scott, Jack Lemmon, Peter Cushing, Alec Guinness, Sean Connery, Petula Clark 

Interesting New Prospects: Milo Parker, Lupita Nyong’o, Aramis Knight, Thomas Brodie-Sangster, Dylan O’Brien, Elle Fanning, Joel Courtney, Freddie Highmore

Actors with Amazing Personality and Presence:   Tommy Lee Jones, Jon Voight, Ken Watanabe, Viola Davis, Katie Holmes, Jim Broadbent, Cary Elwes, Raul Julia, Woody Harrelson, Robin Williams, Peter Weller, Tony Shalhoub, Jim Carrey, Stanley Tucci, Laura Linney, Marion Cotillard, Simon Pegg, Anton Yelchin, Brenton Thwaites, Andrew Garfield, Colm Meany, David Strathairn, Cate Blanchett, Karen Allen, David Ogden Stiers, Elizabeth Banks, Anna Galvin, Terence Stamp 

Most Talented Villainous Actors:  James Earl Jones, Ian McDiarmid, Margaret Hamilton, James Woods, Lars Mikkelsen, Donald Sutherland, Heath Ledger, Andrew Scott, Barbara Hershey, Dane DeHaan, Katie McGrath, Roger Rees, Anthony Michael Hall, Pam Ferris, Robbie Kay, Rebecca Mader, Imelda Staunton, Cliff Simon, Lana Parilla, Henry Czerny, Aaron Eckhart 

Giants of Fantasy / Sci-Fi: Patrick Stewart, Christopher Lloyd, Michael J. Fox, Carrie Fisher, Warwick Davis, Christopher Reeve, Chris Pine, Karl Urban, Zachary Quinto, Leonard Nimoy, William Shatner, George Takei, Ricardo Montalban, DeForest Kelley, James Doohan, Jodie Foster, John de Lancie, Kenny Baker, Anthony Daniels, Peter Mayhew,  Robert Picardo, David Hewlett, Amanda Tapping, Brent Spiner

Notable TV Actors: Anthony Head, Colin Morgan, Saul Rubinek, Rene Auberjonois, Armin Shimerman, CCH Pounder, Christopher Heyerdahl, Ryan Robbins, Robin Dunne, Jonathon Young, Louise Brealey, Una Stubbs

Best Directors and Filmmakers: Christopher Nolan, Jonathan Nolan, Lawrence Kasdan, David Goyer, J.J. Abrams, Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman, George Lucas, Gore Verbinski, Steven Moffat, Mark Gatiss, Steve Thompson, Irvin Kershner, Steven Spielberg, Tim Burton, Adam Horowitz, Edward Kitsis, Martin Scorsese, Damian Kindler, Martin Wood, Alan McCullough 

Best Technical People: Ralph McQuarrie,  Ben Burtt, Wally Pfister, Hoyte Van Hoytema, Peter Suschitzky, Industrial Light and Magic, Double Negative 

Best Film Music Composers of All Time: John Williams, Hans Zimmer, Richard and Robert Sherman, James Horner, Michael Giacchino, Jerry Goldsmith, James Newton Howard, Alan Silvestri, David Arnold, Michael Price, Joel Goldsmith, Leslie Bricusse 

Notable Film Music Composers: Klaus Badelt, Philip Glass, Howard Shore, Marco Beltrami, Murray Gold, Patrick Doyle, Harry Gregson-Williams, Simon Boswell, Steve Jablonsky, Harold Arlen, Danny Elfman

[nojudgingbybloodline]

Milking the Hippogriff Dry as the Hogwarts Express Gravy Train Runs Out of Steam:

Why Warner Bros. are Wrong to Turn Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows into Two Films

By MaraudingDon

On March 13th 2008, Warner Bros. confirmed1 rumours that had been circulating for a number of months that they would indeed be splitting the seventh film in the Harry Potter franchise, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, into two parts. This essay will set out reasons why this long-time, self-confessed Harry Potter uberfan is appalled by this decision.

The Harry Potter films have been overwhelmingly successful. According to IMDb,2all five previously released films occupy spots in the top twenty-one grossing films of all time. Three of them are in the top ten. Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone(Sorcerer's Stone if you are not British) is the highest placed with $968 million+ box office takings, and even Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban at number twenty-one took a very respectable $789+ million at the box office.

This is the cash cow, or for the purpose of this essay, the cash hippogriff, that has served Warner Bros. very nicely indeed, thank you very much.

Unfortunately, the cash hippogriff is about to milk its last drop, because with the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows film, this lucrative film franchise runs out. The cogs in the WB machine must have squealed louder than Dobby when they read the final book and realised that Lord Voldemort had eight portions of soul, instead of seven. "Let's do the same with the film' squealed delighted film bosses as they got ready to count their galleons in the Lightning Struck counting tower ’ and so instead of seven films to match seven books, we get eight films.

Now at the start of this, I must confess that I am not a fan of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. In July 2007, just before the release of the novel, Jo Rowling told ITV News3 that "Some people will loathe it. For some people to love it, other people must loath it. That's just in the nature of the plot." Well she was spot on, because even though I have read the book five times now, I still loathe it as much as I did that first time. However, as someone who has huge respect for what Jo Rowling has achieved, it is still important to me that Warner Bros. does justice to this amazing world and does not abuse their position as holders of the copyright and trademarks. In fact, a well executed film could provide me, and others who did not like the book, a new appreciation of it in the same way the excellent Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix film did for many.

What made Harry Potter work for me, what made me fall in love with this excellent series (and despite my loathing of the final book, I still regard the first six as works of genius), was her excellent characterization. J.K. Rowling succeeded where so many other authors have failed by creating peripheral characters that a reader could truly care about. Adult characters like Remus Lupin, Minerva McGonagall, Molly and Arthur Weasley, and the younger characters like Luna, Neville and the Weasleys. Even the traditional baddies like Bellatrix were utterly fascinating to read about ’ and was there ever a greater literary character than Severus Snape? For six books he created more heated debate than any of the other Harry Potter characters put together. So herein lies my first problem with a two part Deathly Hallows film ’ in the first part, you aren't even going to see half of these characters. If Steve Kloves adheres religiously to the book, then we may be lucky to get a quick glimpse of Severus at the very beginning, but then that's it until part two. No Hogwarts, no teachers, NO NEVILLE! The heart and soul immediately disappears.

Do people realize when they welcome a two part film, just how much of the trio we are going to get? If the film is split at the "Silver Doe" chapter4 for example, then we may get to see Voldemort and his Death Eaters opening the film, a rather anti-climactic goodbye to the Dursleys, "The Seven Potters" with a big chase and fight scene, the deaths of Hedwig and Mad-Eye, a wedding, and the rest will be Harry, Ron and Hermione. Yes there will be scenes involving the locket hunt at the Ministry and a visit to Godric's Hollow, but are Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson strong enough to hold a film of this magnitude? I don't think so. There is no doubt that all three of them have improved as they have made that difficult transition from child actor to adult ’ Daniel especially has improved ten-fold since those awkward first films, but several hours of Emma's hypnotic dancing eyebrows is not enough to hold my attention. It is worth remembering that nearly all the action in this book takes place in the last third of the text, including a fantastic battle segment at Hogwarts, the resolution to the Snape storyline, and of course, the denouement to the entire series. The casting directors of the Harry Potter films have done an outstanding job in casting the very best of British stage and screen in these movies. We've been lucky enough to see Richard Harris, Sir Michael Gambon, Dame Maggie Smith, Alan Rickman, Fiona Shaw, Gary Oldman, David Thewlis and many more award winning stars grace our screens together. What a tragic disappointment then to have a Deathly Hallows part one in which we may not even see these greats at all, or in tiny dribs and drabs. Those who don't like the book often mention the camping. Those who love the book often moan at those who moan about the camping! But there is no getting away from it that part one of this two-part film is going to consist of a lot of the trio arguing whilst either planning their camping or actually doing it.

So let's move away from camping and talk about money ’ because money talks. Films like Titanic and the amazing Lord of the Rings trilogy took enormous box office takings, not because of the amount of people who went to see the films, but because of the amount of repeat viewings. It's why the Harry Potter franchise has been so successful ’ families and non-fans will only take box office receipts so high, it is the super fans who see the films three, four, five, even twenty times each that create such huge box office receipts. The Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix film took $937+ million at the box office. A tiny, miniscule percentage of that was my viewing it five times, I loved it, couldn't get enough of it. Will I go and watch Deathly Hallows part one five times? Not in a million years, and I highly doubt others will either.

I've put it off too long ’ I now find myself having to write about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Allowed-To-Write-The-Screenplay, a.k.a. Steve Kloves. (Here I offer an apology and a blindfold to my friend, fellow longtime Leaky stalwart and Kloves fan Bandersnatch) but does the thought of a five hour two-part film penned by Mr. Kloves make anybody else want to jump through the veil themselves?!! Lest we forget, this is the man who in the Prisoner of Azkaban film managed to turn Ron Weasley into the cowardly lion, and Hermione Granger into the Bionic Woman! Be honest, is this the man you Snapeophiles trust with doing justice to your hero? Personally, I'm waiting for Lord Voldemort to cackle, "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too."

I just find it unfathomable to understand why Warner Bros. has been so averse to creating one film that is say, three and a half hours long. That is more than sufficient to do justice to the book. History shows that cinema audiences are more than happy to sit time and time again through long films; the examples of Titanic and Return of the King back this up. Titanic had a run time of 194 minutes,5 whilst Return of the King numbed our derrieres for 201 minutes,6 yet still we flocked to see them, making them the highest grossing films of all time.

Instead we are faced with getting two films, six months apart. According to the press release, part one will reach us in November 2010 and part two in May 2011. The first is two years after the Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince film and part two will reach us nearly four years after the release of the book. Again, I feel Warner Bros. has misjudged its audience. The super-fans are slowly losing their fervor for all things Potter, the fandom is slowing down. If part one is judged to be a failure, will the "normal" audience, those who are not super fans, even bother going back to watch part two? The denouement to the Deathly Hallows book is dominated by a fantastic battle scene that is covered in more than one hundred pages of nail biting prose. I can understand the producers perhaps believing that they could not do justice to this battle in one film (in addition to everything else they may want to create), but my argument is that they absolutely could do it all in one film, and do it well. Let's look at the examples of the Lord of the Rings trilogy again. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers was dominated by a battle at Helm's Deep and, led by Peter Jackson, the film version of the novel was exquisite. Even better was the battle for Gondor in Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, a battle that easily overshadows the Battle of Hogwarts. If New Line Cinema and Peter Jackson could do it ’ why not Warner Bros. and David Yates? One longer film instead of two shorter ones will keep the dramatic tension flowing to great effect.

Back to money again. Once the films have sizzled or sunk at the box office, we then get the DVDs. I would be interested to hear what Warner Bros. have to say about this. Are we, as most anticipate, going to have to pay for two DVDs for one story? Instead of the usual $30 here in Australia, will I have to pay $60? There is no question of an uberfan like me not getting them, of course I have to and WB knows this. I have a nasty taste in my mouth that could be shampoo ¦ no, it's bubotuber pus ¦ no, it's the taste of being ripped off.

I'm sorry Mr. Heyman, you may be as gorgeous as Fleur Weasley, but this decision screams out, "money, money, money." The Hogwarts Express gravy train is on its last journey and you appear to be clinging on by your fingertips. Time will tell whether this is a decision you come to rue.

Notes

1. Business Wire, "Warner Bros. Plans Two-Part Film Adaptation' paragraph 1.

2. IMDb, "All-Time Worldwide Box office."

3. Oatts, "Rowling: Some will loathe it' paragraph 2.

4. Rowling, Deathly Hallows, 296’314.

5. IMDb, "Titanic."

6. Ibid., "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King."

Bibliography

Business Wire. "Warner Bros. Plans Two-Part Film Adaptation of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" to Be Directed by David Yates." Business Wire, 13 March 2008, http://www.businesswire.com/portal/site/google/?ndmViewId=news_view&newsId=20080313005332&newsLang=en (accessed 21 April 2008).

The Internet Movie Database (IMDb). "All-Time Worldwide Box office." http://www.imdb.com/boxoffice/alltimegross?region=world-wide (accessed 21 April 2008).

”””. "Titanic." http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120338/ (accessed 21 April 2008).

”””. "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King." http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0167260/ (accessed 21 April 2008).

Oatts, Joanne. "Rowling: Some will loathe it." digital spy, 13 July 2007. http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/tv/a65641/rowling-some-will-loathe-it.html (accessed 21 April 2008).

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, London: Bloomsbury, 2007.

Comments? See below, or

discuss this essay

and

vote for the Readers' Choice Award

on the

Scribbulus forum

.

The Leaky Cauldron - Scribbulus