#is part of how we make the voices of the people suffering most heard. don't look away. don't look away. don't look away.

[captainsquality]

i live smack in the middle of the US, and I'm disabled and barely scraping by financially. I can't go to demonstrations and most of the time I can't afford to do any donating. So I'm limited to watching. Staying informed, and screaming and being pissed and noisy about it.

I know it is exhausting and you want to just give into the despair and the powerlessness you feel if you're in a situation like mine where watching is just about all you can do. You want to give up and stick your head in the sand. Don't.

Maybe it's stupid and idealistic or maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better. I don't know. But I think we need to scream. All of us, we need to weep and rage and bang our fists against the walls. We need to watch and we need to be angry and loud loud loud loud LOUD and not stop. Do not ever ever stop.

The monsters who are doing all this and causing all this pain are counting very heavily on the common, regular, everyday people giving into despair. Feeling exhausted and powerless. Becoming numb, or complacent, becoming jaded and disconnected. And ceasing our outcry because of it.

If we're feeling despair, now is the time be louder than ever about our grief and our anger and our frustration.

If all I can do for the people suffering in gaza is to weep with them then I will weep with them. If all i can do is scream at the sky then I will do it until my voice gives out and my lungs ache. If all I can do is to stubbornly, obstinately LOOK, behold the horror and say without halt that this is wrong, this is unjust, without end, so that everyone around me has to know, so that nobody can forget, then that is what I'm going to do.

I don't have power on my own. But I have compassion and a bleeding heart and and the knowledge that billions of people all over the world feel exactly the same as me right now. And if all of us scream, if all of us simply refuse to look away and shut the fuck up, then even the powerful, even the cruel, even the evil will have no choice but to listen.

we have to see what we are seeing. we have to feel what we are feeling. refusing to abandon our humanity and our ability to make a goddamn NUISANCE of ourselves can, if we all keep doing it, effect change. I truly believe that, and I'm holding onto it desperately.

I wish I could do more. I want to do more. But I can't, at least not right now. And it drives me insane. I know it does a lot of you, too. I think we all wish we could just save the world. We all want to be superman. We want to be a kid from kansas with the power to help people. And the thing is, we do. Not the way it is in the comics, but the world can't ever be saved without regular people crying out that it needs saving. If we don't, nobody will.

We don't have a kal-el coming to fight for us. The human race has to save the human race, or nobody will get rescued. We have to take care of each other. We have to scream at the bullies even when we can't reach them with our fists.

Gaza before and after.

In 20 days.

In fucking 20 days..

[slaytheusurper]

⭑ This is more than a sick love story (Pt.2) ⭑

Masterlist

Part 2 to; "The ballad of the raven and the dragon, Part 1.

Pairing: Benjicot ("Davos") Blackwood x targ!princess!reader

Summary: Returning home after that evening was harder than you thought, the risky letters don't help either. Would it really hurt to meet again?

Warnings: NSFW, mdni, +18, heavy yearning, sexting in medieval times, mastrubation, pillow humping, making out, grinding, handjob, oral both m and f receiving. And some fluff <3.

Word count: 3k

POV: Benjicot Blackwood

A mixture of iron and salt coats his tongue, the clashing of swords and screaming of men fills his ears. Yet another man's blood spraying over his face and garbs. House Bracken wanted revenge for their fallen men and when they heard of the princesses departure they made their move. Even Benjicot could taste the cowardice in their blood. At this point the battle could barely be called a battle anymore as house Bracken had already suffered heavy losses. 

Benjicot couldn’t even keep up with the amount of Brackens he killed now, mind in a blur due to the adrenaline and violence. Even the cows didn’t survive. His men killed the remaining of the intruders and the battle was clearly won by house Blackwood. It had only been a week after the princess left and already his heart had a gaping hole which only could be filled by her. She promised she would write secretly, using ravens that would only ever make their way to him. 

The sun began to set as they left the sea of bodies behind them, making their way back to Raventree Hall. Upon arrival the gods had clearly answered his prayers because just when he got off his horse and handed him to one of the stable boys a raven flew towards him. Quickly taking the letter he made his way to his only place of privacy, and just like everyday he passed the dining hall. His cock stiffens every time he’s in or passes that room now, memories of the intimacy he shared with the princess flooding his mind. He finally got to his bedchamber and locked the door behind him once inside. Benjicot didn’t even bother to clean himself first, he ripped the unmarked seal off the letter and rolled it open.

Dear B,

I hope you are well, I wrote this as soon as I got home but I suppose the raven will take a bit to get back to you. The whole way back I couldn’t stop thinking about your handsome face, or your hands tracing my body. You are and will be on my mind until I get to see you again, however the idea of maybe never meeting you again strikes fear into my heart. I never thought that that one evening with you would change me so. I was too afraid to tell you this in person but you are the most fearsome, handsome and astounding man I have ever met. We have to meet again, I would not survive without your touch. Even thinking about that evening now sets my chest aflutter and my thighs soaking. You don’t even understand how badly I need you again. I hope you think of me as well. I hope you use my chemise every night to get off to the thought of me. I have thought long and hard about a place we could meet. I think the Whispering Wood is perfect, it is near enough for you to sneak out to and I can easily hide my dragon along the coast of Iron Man Bay. I hope you write back to me soon. 

Love, your pretty princess.

His mouth was still agape when there was a knock on his door. “My lord shall I draw a bath for you?” He could hear one of his servants' muffled voice. He rapidly stuffed the letter in his pocket, opened the door and let the servant do her work. Once the bath was drawn he dismissed the servant, he always washed himself since he never liked people just watching him be naked. With the door closing he removed the letter from his pocket and smelled. And like he suspected it smelt of ink, smoke and her perfume oil. Benjicot placed the letter on the small table beside the bath and swiftly removed his clothes. His cock already hard and leaking from reading the letter. 

He got in the warm bath with a sigh, he thought for a moment and grabbed the letter from the table next to him. His eyes scanned the words again and he felt his poor weeping cock begging for attention, so he read the letter once again, now grazing his thumb over the leaking slit on the head of his hard member. A mixture of a hiss and groan leaving his lips, he was so horny he didn’t even care if someone heard him. His eyes never leaving the letter he started to roughly jerk off his cock, the words on the paper relighting the memories of their shameful evening. 

His perverted mind only added fuel to the fire by imagining new scenarios with you, gods he’d fuck you on his bed, on his chair, on the settee, on the floor, against the wall, fuck even in the bath. The last image really spurred him on, moaning at the thought, he put the letter down for a moment to massage his seed filled balls as well as fisting his cock. Softly chanting your name through the room. “Please- please- fuck me- ride me baby just like that- ah fuck- I can’t-” 

Seven Hells even his own dirty little words made the fantasy feel real. Your cunt enveloping his hard sensitive cock, water splashing everywhere as both your moans filled the room. He could feel the familiar knot starting to snap in his belly, he fetched the letter from beside him again, thrusted into his fist a few more times and released ropes of his seed all over your letter. The words blurring as his cum covered them. He panted and shuddered at the sight. 

When Benjicot had calmed down from his orgasm he put the letter aside and now actually washed himself, even after he had dried himself off, had hidden the letter, and crawled into bed he still felt aroused. His cock hardening once again he knew his hand wouldn’t do so he threw the sheets of himself, removed his breeches and grabbed his pillow to position it just like he had you bend over the table. 

He then grabbed his again leaking precum member and positioned it against the pillow, the texture on his angry red tip feeling like pure bliss, he started humping against the pillow wishing it was you on his bed instead. Fucking the pillow harder and harder he decided it was better to release in his hand instead. So with a cuss and loud moan he spurted his cum in his hand imagining it was your cunt he was filling instead. After having cleaned off his hand in a basin, pulling his breeches back on he could finally fall asleep.

The next morning he immediately fetched paper and ink and started on a letter to write you back, when he was pleased with it he sent it by raven and hoped it would fall into your hands. Afterwards getting on with his duties as lord of Raventree Hall. 

Your POV:

A raven flew into the open window of Dragon Stone, the sun had set and you were in your chambers reading a book to your brother Joffrey. It had been two weeks since you sent that letter and you were beginning to get worried but relief washed over you at the sight of the raven. The second the raven landed on your settee you sent Joffrey back to his chambers guided by your handmaiden and told her that she was free for the night. She eyed you suspiciously but has always followed you loyally. When they left you grabbed the letter from the raven which flew away again and opened the unmarked seal, heart beating in your chest, you rolled the letter open.

My dear beloved,

Your raven arrived safely into my hands, I had to open it alone which proved to be needed because of your passionate writing. I am well unless you count the way in which you have plagued my mind. I can’t do any work without thinking, ‘what would my love think of this’ or ‘I wish my love could help me with this’. Seven hells, I can’t even walk in or pass my dining room anymore without my cock growing stiff in my pants. Any thought about you turns sinful, you have perverted me and turned me into a monster. Especially now without your touch. Last night when I read your letter, I read it in my bath. And you know what I did? I fucked my hand imagining it was your sweet cunt instead and when I reached my peak, I came all over your pretty handwriting. Your letter made me so horny I later fucked my pillow in bed too. So it is safe to say I need your touch too. So fucking badly. When you get this letter, try to leave as quickly as possible and head to our location. I will be waiting under the ruse of a solo hunting trip. Don’t make me wait too long my love. 

Love your B.

You went to bed with an uncontrollable smile on your face, your skin hot and folds wet at the thought of seeing your Benji again. The next morning you told one of the servants to inform your mother about your “flight to patrol the sea” so you could actually quickly get dressed and leave on dragon back to the Whispering Wood. The entire flight you thought about how meeting him again would go. High above the clouds your mind floods with impure thoughts of Benjicot Blackwood. When you knew you were about to be close to the shore of Iron Man Islands you still stayed high but descended out of the clouds so you could see. And you were right, no one was in sight when you landed with your dragon on the shore. 

So you began your pretty short walk to the Whispering Wood, nerves and excitement reeling through your body. Your walk through the Whispering Wood was different, anxiety started to take hold instead. What if he wasn’t able to come? What if someone caught you? However your fears began to ease when you could see the back of Benji’s hair and body who was standing near a small lake in the middle of the forest.

You walked as quietly as possible, wanting to surprise him. When you were near him you cupped your hands over his eyes and heard him laugh. He removed your hands and immediately turned around. He wasted no time crashing his lips on yours making you moan at his roughness. After some time he finally let go. “I have-” “I missed-” You both laughed at both of your attempts to speak first. So he started instead. “I am glad you got my letter, I can’t bear being without your touch and your voice any longer.” You smiled and a blush creeped onto your skin. “I couldn’t wait either. I don’t know what type of spell you casted on me but I don’t ever want to get rid of it.” He grinned at your words and took you in his arms once more.

“I don’t know if I can let you leave again. It would be too painful.” He confessed, holding your head against his chest with one hand and holding your waist with the other. “I don’t ever want to leave you again either but I don’t know how I would ever tell my family about this. And in the middle of a dragon war too.” He held you tighter and kissed the top of your head. “What did you tell them when you left?” Benji asked. “I told one of our servants to tell my mother that I went to patrol the seas, so I hope she bought it. I didn’t want to face her today.” You explained, your hands wrapping around him tighter. 

Benji held your chin and made you look at him. He softly licked his lips before devouring yours again like he did mere minutes ago. Except now both of your desires were growing strong. You felt like you were in heat every time he touched you. He kissed you like it was his last day on earth. You had kissed before but this time it was different. Who knew when you would see each other again?

He bit your bottom lip so he could let his tongue enter your mouth. Your feverent kiss turned into a full make out as he sucked and licked your tongue. He couldn’t hold his own groan back and let his hand slide to your ass cheeks, which he gripped harshly to pull you against him just like he did on your special evening. Which earned him a moan from you as you grazed his teeth with your tongue. Never did you think a kiss could turn so ravenous. “Benji-” You gasped against his lips when his hand began to massage your ass harshly. 

Making your two fronts grind against each other, his clothed already hard cock hitting your clothed wet cunt just right. He knew exactly what you liked and would do everything in his power to leave you shaking and trembling beneath his touch. “You want this fucking cock baby? You want it that fucking bad?” He pants against your lips, you could only moan a ‘please’ in response. 

He removed himself from you and helped you remove your clothes, you had never seen him this touch starved. He was truly acting like an animal. Benji got on his knees in front of you and swung your right leg over his shoulder for better access to where you needed him so badly. Your cunt was throbbing and almost hurting from how aroused Ben made you, your slick already coating your inner thighs. Benji held you steady and began to lap at your soaked folds, moaning at the taste of your sweet arousal. 

“Benji- please- I can’t take it-” Your want for him made you more sensitive than normal and all you could think about was how good his tongue was fucking you. It was so warm and wet and the way he used it to lap at your clit made you see stars. He took it a step further and entered a finger into your tight hole. It slipped in with ease and Benji grunted at the feeling, his own cock feeling tight in his breeches.

It didn’t take long for your orgasm to take hold of you, with the way he was fingering you and sucking and lapping at your clit, made you dizzy. You could only let out gasps and moans, your entire vocabulary being thrown out the window. With one last scream of his name he let go off you, already removing his pants and breeches ready to fuck you dumb but to his surprise you stopped him. “I want to do to you what you just did to me Benji.” You pleaded already looking up at him with your lashes. He took in a sharp breath and watched you sink to your knees.

Grabbing his leaking cock by the base you decided to lick up the precum and see how he would react. “Fuck- baby do that again. Don’t stop.” He gasped. You did as he commanded and this time sucked at his tip, resulting in him throwing his head back and moaning out of pleasure. The salty precum on your tongue motivated you to swirl your tongue around his tip and continue sucking. His groans and pants and ramblings of your name filled you with need but first you wanted his seed in your mouth again.

You continued to suck on his tip but now took him further in your mouth, earning you quite the explicit and long moan. Finally he looked down at you and softly held your head by your hair, guiding you a bit deeper. “Seven hells, look at you, swallowing my cock like that- You love it don’t you. Me using you as if your a common wench- Fuck- Just like that baby c’mon-” Him talking to you in such a manner made you reach for your clit, which made Benji smile and pant at the sight. Chasing your own release he helped you by guiding your head faster down his cock. Spit and precum drooling down your chin, hair all messed up. How would you even explain that to your family? 

“C’mon baby- I’m gonna fucking cum- You want my spent down your throat- Of course you do- Yes- Yes- Fuck!” The view of you cumming rubbing your clit finished him. You basically drank his cum as he filled your throat all while he gasped for air and moaned your name. When he pulled back from you, you licked your lips and smiled up at him. Never had you felt such power over a man. It felt way to fucking good. He pulled you back up and kissed you again. “You have no idea what you do to me.” He laughed breathlessly. 

“I think it’s about the same as what you do to me.” You smiled. He kissed your forehead before handing you your clothes again. While you both got dressed that heated, exciting and blissful mood turned quiet and solemn. You both knew you had to get back soon. After you were both dressed he sat down on the ground motioning for you to sit on his lap. You giggled as you joined him on the ground, pushing him back so you could lay on top of him, holding each other close. “I think I love you.” He suddenly blurted out. You looked at him with flushed cheeks and grazed your hand across his, over his lips and through his hair. “I think I love you as well.” He sat back up at your words and kissed you deeply. 

“Please, you can’t leave me.” He begged once he removed his lips from yours. “I don’t want to leave you.” You admitted. “You belong to me. You were made for me. I will destroy the world if that’s what it takes to make you my wife.” He rubbed your cheek with his hand as he spoke. “Come with me to Dragon Stone and ask my mother for my hand. If she for some reason refuses, I’ll cut through our guard myself if I have to, and we could run away.” He smiled at that and both of you agreed that he would ask for your hand.

[theosbaby]

brokenhearted

theodore nott x fem!reader

masterlist

SUMMARY ! theo breaks up with his girlfriend and you comfort him, but things get a little bit heated in the process.

WARNINGS ! a bit of angst, heavy make out (this shit is long af), NSFW, some light dirty talk, praising, dry humping, p in v, marking, hair pulling, unprotected sex... that's all, i think. this is kinda a fluffy smut.

NOTES ! i'm back!! i'm sorry for disappearing for such a long time, i hope this makes up for it ♡ (i don't really like how it turned out, but i hope you do). ps: thank you all so much for still supporting my acc while i was gone! i appreciate it so much.

you had been looking for theodore for some time now; the night had fallen already, and you hadn't heard from him since the day before; he didn't go to class, neither contact you in any way. preoccupied, you headed over the astronomy tower again; you had already looked for him there —like four times during the day— but you decided to try again, after all, it was his favourite place in the entire castle. that time, you actually found him there, sitting with his back against the railings and a cigarette between his lips... classic theo.

when he noticed your presence, he looked up at you and bluntly said, "luna broke up with me." his expression was almost emotionless, but you knew him well enough to know he was hurting deep down.

"what?" you gasped, your brow furrowed, as you walked slowly to take a seat by his side on the floor.

you didn't know what to say or how to act; his admission had taken you by surprise. one part of you —the part of you that was crazy in love him— wanted to scream and cry happy tears at the news, but the other part empathised with him, making you feel his pain.

you hated seeing him suffer.

"yeah, she said it wasn't working out," theo replied.

he took one last drag from his cigarette before blowing out the smoke and tossing it aside as he looked up at the stars, his eyes distant and lost in thought. you kept quiet, not wanting to interrupt him so he could let it all out.

"i guess she's right, though. we never really had anything in common." he chuckled bitterly, shaking his head before talking again, "i don't know why i'm surprised, though. i'm not the most lovable person, am i?"

his eyes met yours, and you could see the pain in them. he was your best friend; you knew damn well the baggage he carried on his shoulders, the trauma his mother's death and his father's neglect had caused on him. theo was not one to get attached to people because of that and every time he lost someone, grief hit him like a truck, even if he didn't let it show. you reached to grab his large hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"hey, that's not true," you told him, your voice softening to try and reassure him, "don't say that."

theo gave you a small smile, his eyes searching yours to try and find comfort in them. he took a deep breath and let it out slowly as his hand squeezed yours back. you could feel the tension emanating from his body, the pain he was trying to hide. then he looked away again, blue eyes dropping to the floor.

"i just... i don't know how to do relationships, you know? i never had any good examples growing up." his voice was quiet as he talked, almost a whisper, like he was telling you his darkest secret and feared someone else could hear him. "my dad... he never loved my mom. he never loved me. and now i feel like i don't know how to be loved, or how to love someone else," he explained, letting out a sigh, his brow furrowed. "i'm sorry. i didn't mean to bring this up..."

"theo..." you muttered, your voice cracking as you cupped his face to force him to look at you, "that's bullshit, alright? listen to me." you stared at him intently as you spoke, gently caressing his cheek, "you're nothing like your father."

theo's eyes remained locked on yours, his gaze searching for any sign of truth in your words. you swore that you saw his eyes fill with tears as he heard you talk, but he quickly blinked them away, not wanting to cry in front of you; crying made him feel vulnerable.

"i needed to hear that," he muttered, leaning into your touch, "thanks."

"want a hug?" you asked, smiling warmly at him.

you both stayed quiet for a few seconds, just staring at each other with an intensity that spoke volumes, and you were so close together that you could see the little freckles that covered his cheeks and nose, painting his skin like constellations painted the starry night sky.

"please," he responded.

you felt him wrapping his strong arms around your slim body and you melted into his embrace, your body heat mingling with his as you felt the tension leaving his muscles. one of your hands rested on his back, rubbing reassuring patterns on in, while the other caressed his soft waves and he sighed contently.

"you always know how to make me feel better," he murmured while pulling away slowly, his eyes filled with gratitude and a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

your eyes dropped to his lips unconsciously, your pulse racing; he noticed your stare and smirked.

"of course," you whispered back, "that's what friends are for."

you wished you could be more than friends, though.

theo watched you as you averted your gaze shyly and he couldn't help but notice how beautiful you looked with the moonlight kissing your pretty face.

"you know," he said quietly, "i've always had this strange feeling about us."

"what feeling?" you asked curiously, chuckling; your cheeks flushed as you looked back at him.

theo took a deep breath before answering, "like we're meant to be together... like i was supposed to meet you and spend my whole life with you." his voice was slightly shaky, as if he was nervous about something.

he looked at you intently, waiting for your reaction.

"well, you ain't getting rid of me anytime soon, so yeah, i guess we're stuck together." you laughed, not understanding what he really meant; you thought he was talking about your friendship.

theo chuckled at your response nervously, shaking his head lightly when he realised you hadn't noticed he was actually trying to confess his feelings; he had always liked you, even though he was dating other girl, he always knew it was you who owned his heart. maybe that was why he couldn't just give luna all the love she deserved.

"i mean... as more than friends," he admitted.

he looked at you intently, searching for a reaction from your part that let him know you felt the same way. his heart was pounding in his chest; that was a big step for him to take.

you couldn't help but smile, anxiously biting your lower lip as you dropped your gaze to the ground.

"your mom used to say that we were going to end up together someday," you whispered with longing.

your smile turned into a sad one as you mentioned her; you knew theo missed her a lot, and to be honest, you missed her too. you turned towards him just to see that he was smiling back at you, but his smile didn't really reach his eyes.

"she always knew what was best for me. i miss her so much." he sighed deeply and tilted his head, resting it against yours. "i only wish she was here."

"she would be so proud of you," you told him, trying to make him feel better.

theo nodded, his voice barely above a whisper as he said, "i really hope so."

he looked at you again and smiled warmly. the air felt intimate and special between the two of you; it was like nothing else mattered but this moment together. and you both knew, you were in love.

"i missed this," you murmured, your eyes dropping to his lips briefly once again.

that time, theo's gaze fell to your lips as well, and you felt your heart pounding in your chest. when theo started dating luna, that intimate conversations with him started getting less frequent, making you drift apart slightly and it had made you realise how much you actually needed him in your life.

"i missed it too," he whispered back, "i missed you."

after a moment of silence, he leaned forward, his lips brushing against yours in a soft, tentative kiss. It caught you off guard, but you returned the kiss, feeling like your soul was about to leave your body as his soft lips caressed yours in such an intimate touch.

but then reality crashed you; you couldn't do it, not when he had just broken up with his girlfriend and he was feeling down, so you put your hand on his chest, reluctantly pulling him away to stop him from kissing you.

"we shouldn't do this..." you shook your head; your faces were so close together that your warm breath hit his face. "you and luna..."

"please," he interrupted you, his voice almost pleading, "make me forget."

"theo, i–" you stuttered.

you were fighting an inner war with yourself; you had been dreaming about that moment for so long, but it didn't felt right to take advantage of the situation like that. you couldn't bear it if he regretted this decision the day after.

he shook his head, as if he could read your mind just looking into your eyes, and cupped your face gently, pulling you closer to him.

"you're everything that's right in my life, sunshine. you're all i need..." he murmured, his voice low and desperate. "you've always been."

your heart melted when you heard him calling you "sunshine". that was the nickname he had given you when you first started being friends; when you asked him why he called you that, he told you that he had picked it because you were the light to his darkness, the only thing that made him truly happy.

you knew theo would never hurt you, that he would prefer to die rather than making you suffer in any way, so any doubt lingering in your mind slowly faded away.

"i'm sorry i didn't have the courage to tell you sooner," he added, his gaze piercing through yours with an intensity that spoke volumes.

"it's better late than never, right?" you whispered, gulping nervously.

you could feel your heart beating in your throat as you stared at him, waiting for him to make a move.

he smirked. "i guess we'll have to make up for the lost time."

and with that, he leaned forward, pressing his lips to yours once more. it was a tender, gentle kiss that started slowly but gradually intensified as his hand slid down towards the small of your back, pressing you closer to his body. time seemed to stand still as you lost yourself in the warmth and comfort of his embrace. you were on cloud nine; lips avidly kissing his and skin prickling wherever he touched you, igniting sparks in your belly. you parted your lips, allowing him to slip his tongue inside your mouth, and you exhaled a sharp breath, whimpering against his lips.

he deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring your mouth with a hunger that mirrored your own. his other hand found its way to your neck, holding you firmly as he continued to devour you with every ounce of passion he possessed. after a few seconds, though, you had to pull away reluctantly to be able to breathe, your chest heaving up and down as you reached up to tangle your fingers in his soft hair, gently caressing it.

he smirked and rested his forehead against yours, his breath hot against your skin. "you're a very good kisser," he murmured, his fingers still running up and down back, leaving a trail of heat in their wake.

he was looking at you with an intensity that made your head spin, your cheeks blushing at the compliment as you smiled back at him.

"you too," you whispered against his lips, unable to resist the urge of leaning in to kiss him once again.

his mouth tasted like mints and cigarettes; it was new, but at the same time, it felt familiar.

you heard him chuckling softly before he returned the kiss, this time slowing things down, as if he wanted to savour every moment he had with you. his hands wandered over your body, memorizing every curve and dip, his touch setting your body on fire. eventually, his fingers found the hem of your shirt, slowly creeping underneath and causing goosebumps to break out on your skin.

your plump lips parted, a shaky breath slipping past them as you felt him caressing your soft flesh ever so delicately, as if he was afraid of breaking you. he took this as an invitation to slide his tongue inside your mouth once again, avidly searching for yours and starting a playful war between the both of you.

you felt his lips forming a smirk against yours, his tongue having apparently won the little play fight it had with yours as he took full control of the kiss. his hand moved down your back, caressing your skin before he gently cupped your ass, squeezing it lightly, which earned him a soft gasp from you. you didn't oppose when he gently pulled at you to bring you closer to his body, making you straddle his lap as he leaned back against the railings.

he finally broke the kiss, letting out a low groan as you settled on top of him. his eyes were dark, and he looked up at you like he wanted to eat you alive. his hands moved to grip your creamy thighs, fingers digging into your skin possessively. you were panting at that point, cheeks flushed and lips swollen from all the kissing, but his breathing was just as ragged as yours, and his heart was beating so fast that he was sure you could hear it if you paid just enough attention to it.

"you're absolutely breathtaking, you know that?" he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

you blushed in response, the smile that appeared in your face impossible to hold in. your small hands cupped his face tenderly, and your thumbs caressed his sharp cheekbones.

"don't say things like that," you muttered, getting all flustered and shy suddenly.

his lips twitched in a amused smile at your reaction, but before he could even say or do anything, your lips were on his again and the feeling was so intense it robbed him of his breath for a moment there.

"i want you so bad," he whispered against your lips, hips bucking up to grind against you unconsciously.

and that's when you felt it. he was hard. the mere discovery had you moaning softly into the kiss, hips grinding down onto his crotch in a desperate attempt to feel him once more as you placed your hands on his chest. good lord, the friction was making his head swim. he groaned in response as he slid his hands up your thighs to grasp at your hips, the need to fuck you coursing through him like a wildfire.

"you're killing me here, sunshine," he muttered, breaking the kiss for a moment before swooping back in for another.

you giggled playfully against his mouth, hips still rocking onto the straining erection in his pants. you weren't thinking straight anymore, your need for him clouding all your rational thoughts; theo was the only thing in your mind in that moment. the feeling was mutual. theo's mind was consumed with wanting you, his hands moving to your ass to encourage your movements, eliciting a whimper from somewhere deep in your throat that sent his head spiralling.

okay, so keeping a semblance of his cool was completely out of the window now.

pulling your lips apart with a loud snap, he growled something that sounded like, "you're a fucking dream."

you responded with a harsh tug at his brown curls, tilting his head back to expose the pale expanse of his neck. you attached your mouth to it greedily, kissing and sucking on his skin as you ground against him, which caused him to literally whimper as he shuddered beneath you.

for god's sake, he did sound pretty whimpering.

meanwhile, you felt one adventurous hand slipping underneath your top and sliding up your belly. theo's hand was on a mission, his fingers tracing along your silky skin before he cupped one of your breasts, gasping at the feel of its weight on his palm. he kneaded it, his other hand reaching up to grip the hem of your shirt while he pushed you away from his neck. he looked up at you, silently asking for permission to undress you.

"it's okay," you whimpered in response, nodding with a little smile on your puffy, red lips.

you knew you were in the middle of the astronomy tower, a public place, but you just couldn't bring yourself to care about it. theo didn't need more encouragement than that, he was already tugging your top over your head, tossing it aside before his eyes feasted on the sight of your naked breasts; his gaze was hungry, devouring every inch of your exposed skin.

"you're so fucking beautiful," he whispered, leaning forward to take one of your nipples into his mouth while his hand pinched and rubbed the other.

"theo," you whined as his tongue flicked your sensitive nub.

your hips resumed their previous movements as you fisted his hair once again; your heart pounded in your chest when you felt his hard cock pressing against your aching pussy, both of your clothes getting in the way as your need grew stronger.

fuck, you were so wet.

his breath was hitching from the friction between your hips, and he tore his lips away from your boob with a desperate moan, his lids falling close, a sheen of sweat already glistening on his brow.

"god damn, fuck me already, would you?"

you couldn't help but chuckle at his desperate plea, leaning forward to kiss his lips once more; it was like you couldn't get enough from him.

you broke the contact after a few seconds, your teeth sinking into his bottom lip to tug at it playfully, then, you asked him, "here?"

his eyes flickered around the tower, barely sparing it a glance before his hungry gaze settled back on you. theo's mind was clouded, his cock aching and his fingers already tugging idly at his zipper.

"the hell if i care..." he mumbled, voice raspy from all the kissing.

you helped him get rid of his clothes, lowering his pants and boxers just enough to free his dick, which sprang against his stomach, long and thick; your mouth watered and now you were eager to have him inside you.

how could a cock be that perfect? not fair.

"fuck, come here."

before you could even process what was happening, you felt his hands gripping the hem of your shorts to tug them down your thighs alongside your panties. you slipped just one leg out of them before he pulled you towards him desperately.

you were completely naked, while he was almost fully dressed, and it was unfair, so you forced him to lift his arms up so you could yank his t-shirt off, exposing his ripped abs. thank you, quidditch.

he pulled you flush against him, skin to skin for the first time today and you both moaned; his hands gripped your hips tightly, fingertips tracing over your bare flesh as he guided you on top of his cock.

"gonna fuck you now, sunshine, you want that?" he asked for your consent, lips peppering kisses all over your collarbone and chest.

"yeah," you mumbled in response, nodding eagerly.

you reached down to wrap your small hand around the base of his shaft, placing the tip against your soaked entrance and lowering yourself onto it. since you both were a little too impatient to do any foreplay, his thick cock sliding inside your tight pussy knocked the air out of your lungs.

theo watched your face, lips parted and panting as you slowly took him inside yourself: he gave a low moan when his cock bottomed out inside you, hands gripping you tightly.

"fuck– baby, so fucking good," he complimented you, whimpering needily.

you stood still for a few moments to get used to his size before you started bouncing up and down on his dick, the delicious drag of his thick cock head against your inner walls making you shiver from pleasure. you gripped his shoulders to try and steady yourself, nails digging into his flesh and leaving bright red marks.

theo grunted, tossing his head back as he felt your walls clutching him. his eyes closed in ecstasy, hands travelling down to grip your ass cheeks and helping you bounce up and down on him a little bit faster.

"shit, baby... so fucking tight," he growled out.

"your cock feels so good," you cried out while dragging your nails down his chest and abs, scratching his skin.

theo hissed as he felt your nails clawing at him. his hands squeezed your ass tighter before he smacked it, groaning. "bad girl... don't scratch."

the slap made you yelp slightly, cheeks flushing red at his words. "wanna mark you up," you confessed, breathlessly, "so everyone knows you're mine."

you stopped bouncing as you felt your legs getting tired, rocking your hips back and forward instead; the new motion made your clit rub against his pelvis, sending pleasure waves down your spine.

theo chuckled, his eyes smouldering. "i am yours, sunshine. always have been."

his hands kept roaming your body, taking in the softness of your skin as he lifted you up just enough to be able to thrust up into you, hard and fast. you grasped at the railings behind him for support, crying out in complete and utter ecstasy as he railed you, hips snapping against yours and creating a wet slapping sound that mingled with your loud moans. your pussy clenched around him, and you felt your belly muscles tightening, signaling your upcoming orgasm. theo's thrusting became more erratic, his breath hitching as he pounded into you, chasing his own release. he grabbed your hair and yanked it back, exposing your neck to him. he leaned in and bit down on the sensitive skin where your shoulder met your neck.

"gonna cum for me like a good girl?" he purred, panting.

"yes, please," you answered between little moans and cries, your voice whiny and agitated.

your eyes rolled back when his hand slid between your legs and his thumb grazed your clit; you trembled in response. it didn't take long for you to reach your peak and when you did, it was with a loud cry.

"that's it, that's my good girl," he cooed at you, fucking you through your climax.

your cunt spasmed around his cock as you came, your juices soaking his shaft. your arms wrapped around his body while you squirmed uncontrollably on top of him, moaning repeatedly in his ear. theo wasn't far behind you, the feeling of your walls clenching around him sending him over the edge. he buried himself deep inside you, whimpering helplessly as he came in your cunt.

you moaned when you felt his hot cum filling you up, pussy still tingling so nicely that you weren't even thinking. "fuck– i love you... i love you so fucking much." it just slipped in the heat of the moment without you realising.

but of course he noticed.

theo's breath caught, his orgasm still rocking through him. he looked at you with a surprised expression, but it quickly melted into a tender smile, a warm sensation flooding his chest.

"i love you too, sunshine."

[malarkgirlypop]

MEDIC! Part 39 (Donald Malarkey x Fem!OC)

Don't be mad at me, ok!

TW- talks of R*pe, SA, Violence, talks of assault, (please let me know if I missed any).

Based on the HBO show and the actors who portray the characters, not hate to anyone involved.

Tag list: @imusicaddict, @b00ks1ut , @mstiemountainhop, @awaterfalls, @lovememadly92 @lucyfromtheoldhouse @blueberry-ovaries, @next-autopsy anyone else please let me know.

It felt as if all the air had been sucked from the room. My body shook with each second that ticked by in silence. The room had frozen, I looked from face to face, each with its own horrified grimace or rage filled stare. I glanced over my shoulder, Bull and Martin still held me steady but their faces had paled in colour, Bull appeared as if he was going to be sick as Martin’s had turned from grey to crimson.  

No one uttered a word, the decision of what we were going to do hung on the Captain's shoulders. Speirs still hovered over the man, his glare set firm. He looked like a man ready to kill, and I was ready to see it happen. 

Speirs cocked his gun, the only sound that filled the room. I stilled. Waiting with anticipation, yes kill him! 

Speirs raised the gun to the man’s head, finger on the trigger. The men stepped back, turning away from the scene. But I watched never taking my gaze off the replacement, I wanted to watch the light leave his eyes. If Emily was really dead like he said, I needed to watch him die just like he had her. 

The thought alone almost broke me, he was the last face she saw. So many questions flooded my brain, did he drag it out? Did he make her suffer? What was she thinking of when she had died? The questions alone filled me with so much fury I clenched my teeth together so hard they felt as if they were going to crack. 

How was I going to survive if Emily wasn’t here? Speirs’ actions hushed my racing mind.  

Speirs stood still, raising the gun at the man, a slight tremor to his hand. I could see him fighting with his morals. But this was Speirs, the ruthless killer. Or were those just tales. The Speirs we had heard about wouldn’t have hesitated, he would’ve pulled the trigger without a blink of an eye. But I watched the Captain, as he stared down the man. The man that had killed multiple other people, had shot Grant, had raped my Emily and murdered her in cold blood. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t shoot the man who had done the most awful things to innocent people. So maybe they were just tales then.   

He pulled the gun back, the soldiers in the room letting out the breath they were holding. Speirs glanced down at his hand covered in the replacement's blood, he wiped it on the man’s shirt. Looking disgusted. He took off his hat, straightening himself. 

I couldn’t hold back anymore, I ripped free from my fellow soldier’s grip. Striding forward I took a hold of the Captain’s collar, I was foaming at the mouth with rage. 

“What are you doing?! Shoot him! Kill him!” Ron’s face remained neutral as if I wasn’t screaming in his face. 

“Malarkey, two wrongs don’t make a right.” Speirs slipped free from my grasp. 

“He killed people! He deserves to die! I thought you cared about Grant and Em?” I threw insult to injury, I wanted a reaction from him, he was too calm. 

Ron’s head whipped around as he stalked back to me. 

“I do care.” His finger prodded at my chest. “He’s a drunk piece of shit that should be held accountable for his crimes, killing him would be putting him out of his misery. I care for my soldiers, Emily included, and that is why I will not kill that man.” Ron’s voice echoed around the room. 

“But they're dead, he took them from us, so now we get to take what is owed.” I challenged him.  

“Have the MP’s take care of this piece of shit.” He ordered the other men standing around us, not giving me an answer. 

“Grant’s not dead Malarkey. His shot wasn’t fatal. I didn’t kill him, because I have every hope that Emily is still alive.” Ron didn’t let me utter another word, he turned on his heel marching from the room. 

“Grant’s alive?” Tab asked the Captain as he left. 

“Kraut surgeon says he’s gonna make it.” The Captain reported. 

“We have to go find her.” I tried to dart from the room but hands held me still. “We’re running out of time! Let me go!” But the man's hand never let me free. 

“LET GO OF ME!” I yelled, but Bull shook his head. 

“No, Don, we need to make a plan. You can’t go running off trying to find her by yourself.” Johnny said as the rest of the men nodded. 

“We don’t have time!” I argued. “She’s hurt, she’s alone.” 

“We know, but Don if we don’t think about this we are increasing her chances of not making it back.” 

“Don, we will find her, she’s tough!” Babe said from over Johnny’s shoulder. The rest of the men agreed. 

They started making plans of teams of people and where they would search for her. I sat staring at the door. Everyone’e voices fading into the background, why didn’t the two men who witnessed it say anything about her being with them. Why didn’t I check on her before we left? I should’ve had her with me in the first place. I was frustrated, and angry. 

How hurt was she? Was she still alive? What if she isn’t alive?

I felt like I was being suffocated. My breathing was shallow and fast. I was panicking. I couldn’t hear anything over my own pounding heart. 

“Ok so Lieb, Babe and Malark are going to go to the road.” I heard Johnny say, I didn’t even wait for him to finish, I was up and out of the room. I heard footsteps behind me as Lieb and Babe fell into step with me.

Emily POV:

“Captain Speirs! Captain Speirs!” I called running up to the man who had left the main building. 

It had taken me quite some time to walk back to the base after the replacement had driven away. I didn’t make it my mission to get back as fast as I could though. I used the silence of walking to process. 

I couldn’t really, it was too hard. It hurt too much. So I grounded myself as I walked, what could I see, hear, touch and smell. Every time I fell back into the event I would ground myself. For now it was something I would push to the back of my mind. The man looked shocked to see me, shit.

“Emily?” The man stopped in his tracks as I approached him. 

“Sir, is Grant alright?” I asked puffing from my run. 

“He’s alive.” He stated, his eyes scanning over me.

“Good! I’m glad! Th-the man?” I asked hesitantly. 

“MPs are sorting him.” I nodded, sighing. 

“Emily, he admitted he hurt you too.” He uttered softly. I nodded again, unsure of what to say. My left hand was clamped over my right shoulder, but I knew that wasn’t the injury he meant. 

“Right.” I hadn’t really thought of what I was going to say, I didn’t really think I was going to make it back. The last thing in my brain had been how I was going to deal with the consequences of his actions. I truly believed that this was my last night here on this earth.  

But here I was standing back at the base, in somewhat of one piece. 

“The replacement hurt me, yes.” I uttered. Ron looked weary, his eyes sunken into his face as lines of worry formed on his brow. 

“I’m ok though, I think.” I couldn’t see the one man who had been so steadfast in all my times of need, looking so distraught.    

Concern marred his face as I lied through my teeth. I wasn’t ok, but I was still breathing, that had to count for something. 

“Em, you don’t have to be brave.” Ron stepped forward, his hand coming to cup my cheek. I stared at the ground unable to look him in the eyes. I knew if I would I wouldn’t be able to hold it together. 

I took a deep breath trying to steady the swell of emotions that tightened my chest.

“I know.” I uttered, my voice not sounding as solid as I needed it to be. 

“Where are you injured?” Ron’s had still held my face, his fingers gingerly titling my chin up so that my gaze met his. 

“Shoulder, throat, cheek, I think that’s everything.” I stated my injuries like they were items on a grocery list. 

“He shot me in the shoulder, strangled me, and hit me over the head with his gun.” As well as violated my body and soul, but I didn’t add that to the conversation. I wanted to keep some semblance of dignity. 

“You need to be treated.” Ron replied in a monotone voice. 

I studied his features, his cold mask had slipped back and was set firmly into place, looking down at me as if I had only scraped my knee. But a flicker in his eyes told me all I needed to know, he was holding it together for me, but only by a thread. 

His stare looked ready to kill, the slight clench in his fist at his side before he flexed his fingers trying to shake loose the rage that rippled through his body. With each breath he took his nostrils flared, like an angry bull. Ron wanted to hurt someone, but he didn’t, for me.  

“The men are planning to look for you, I’ll tell them you’re back.” He turned quickly, going to head back into the main building. 

“Ron.” I called after him. 

At his name he froze, his back still facing away from me. 

“Let me tell them.” My voice was weak, I felt small again, I had been through war literally but in this moment I had never felt more vulnerable. 

Ron turned his eyes scanning me up and down taking in my demeanour. I stood straighter trying to show I was fine, but my face seemed to give me away. 

“I can tell them.” I tried again, putting some strength behind the words. 

Speirs hesitated before nodding. He marched off to where he was going in the first place before I interrupted.    

I took a deep breath before heading to the building I had been only hours before, happy and unaware of my horrific future. Funny how things could change so quickly.  

I made my way into the building, the foyer was empty, but I could hear voices murmuring. Following the sound of the voice I find the men huddled in the main lounge, before I can announce myself I am hit by a solid wall.��

My eyes travel up the figure I barged straight into, trying my best to hide the wince of pain that shoots through my shoulder from the impact. 

Wide-eyed and shocked Don stares down at me, looking at me like he’s seen a ghost. Babe and Lieb peer out from behind the man curious as to why he had stopped so abruptly. Their faces also pale at the sight of me. 

A tight smile finds its way onto my lips, trying to pretend that I am fine for the sake of the men who all look as if they are going to hurl. 

“Em.” Don says softly, moving forward slowly. 

“Hi.” My voice sounds hoarse, I swallow the sharp pain in my throat. 

“EM!” Web calls from behind Don, as he sees me, he surges forward with open arms. 

The sudden movement sent panic rising in my chest, I knew it was only Web but the alarm bells had already been raised. 

I could feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins, as I gasped for air. My brain was only shouting one thing, survive! Survive! Survive!

I stumbled back, raising my hands to fend away his attack. 

“No!” I yelled hysterically. I pitched backwards, my back harshly colliding with the table behind me. The table tipped as the contents that were scattered over it clattered to the floor.  

My breathing was ragged, outstretched hands shook violently, the only sound I could hear was the erratic pounding of my heart. 

Web stopped in his tracks, watching me with concern on his face. As did the rest of the men, they looked at me like a wounded deer. 

I gagged, my stomach churning as it did so. I clutched my hand over my mouth and sprinted back out the front door. I desperately searched for somewhere to hide, I scrambled over to the hedges that framed the front of the property. Keeling over I emptied the contents of my stomach into the bushes. My hands clung to my pants as I reached, dry heaving until there was nothing left. 

A soft hand landed in the middle of my back causing me to turn around in fright. Don held his hands up showing me he was no harm. 

“Sorry, you startled me.” I wiped the back of my hand across my mouth. He stepped forward again but I raised my arm out keeping him at a distance. 

“Just let my panic attack finish and then you can touch me.” I begged, I hated that I had to push him away but I feared if anyone was to touch me at that moment it would trigger another episode. 

I knelt to the ground gracelessly, my jelly-like limbs not leaving much support. My shook with such vigour it chattered my teeth, my breaths were shallow and fast, as the waves of nausea made my head spin. 

Panic attacks weren’t uncommon for me, but I hadn’t had one this bad since my mum died. After she passed I had at least one a day for years. With some anti-anxiety meds and some therapy they finally died down. 

I practised my grounding techniques, focusing on slowing my breathing and distracting myself with my surroundings.    

“What can I do?” Don asked cautiously as he sat at my side. 

“Talk to me, tell me a story.” I said in between my breaths. 

“I will tell you about this girl I met-”

I peeked out of the corner of my eye and a confused look pinched my brow. Don chuckled. 

“Just listen before you get upset.” Don looked over at me, his charming smile shining through the darkness that clouded my mind, a simple gesture eased the pain slightly in my chest. I nodded confirming for him to go on. 

“I met this girl on a tank. She sat up front looking nervous and a bit shell shocked, and for some reason I just wanted to make her feel better. So I asked her where she was from, just to distract her, but I also wanted to see her face clearly in the daylight.” 

New tears welled in my eyes, but it wasn’t from the horrific events prior. He was telling me about the day we met. Right from the start he had only wanted to care for me, he didn’t even know me. 

“We talked for a bit before all hell broke loose, I was kind of in a daze after I had spoken to her. The way she smiled and laughed at my jokes, that’s all I wanted to make her do, smile.” 

I was so focused on his soft voice I forgot completely about the panic that had been strangling me from the inside. I felt my muscles relax and my heartbeat steady. 

“Then we were tossed into battle, she had been ordered to hang back and pick up the strays, but then all of a sudden she was in front of me tending to my best friend. She wasn’t the nervous girl I had met on the tank, she was a force to be reckoned with.” 

“Don.” I whispered. 

“Yeah?” He paused his story, turning to look at me. 

“Thank you.” Reaching out I took his hand that rested on the gravel we sat on. We sat silently, our hands intertwined looking up at the stars in the sky, his fingers brushing over the back of my hand in a soothing manner. 

“Em.” He breathed, I glanced over to him, his brown eyes glazed over as tears brimmed. 

I shifted forward, kneeling beside him as I took him into my embrace. His arms wrapped around my back as he held me tightly, burying his face into the crook of my neck. Don’s body shuddered as he wept, my fingers tangled into his hair as I pressed kisses to the side of his head. 

“I’m ok, Don. I’m ok.” I soothed him. 

“I could’ve lost you.” He pulled back, his wet tears stained his soft checks. Don’s eyes held so much sadness it broke my heart. 

“What would I do without you?” The comment made me think of my decision that loomed over my head. Was I staying or was I going if the time came. 

“I’m here, I’m safe. You have me.” I squeezed him tighter as he sniffed, his hand stroking down my back.   

“I’ll let the guys know you’re safe and then let’s get you to Doc.” He pulled away, letting me dry his tears with my fingers. I bent down pressing the softest kiss to his lips. 

Don’s POV:

I stopped in my tracks, trying not to run into the person who appeared in front of me. My heart almost burst from relief as I took in her face. She wore a blank expression, her cheek cut open and bruised, blood had stained the side of her face, but there were tear streaks that ran through the crimson. 

She gave me her tight lipped I’m-ok smile, which almost always meant she was not ok. I could tell she wasn’t ok just from her eyes. They looked haunted and lifeless. Em’s eyes usually sparkled with joy and light, now that light had been put out, and it killed me. 

“Em.” Her name fell from my lips with ease. I stepped forward slowly, like she was a scared kitten so skittish one false move would send her under the table. 

“Hi.” Her voice was hoarse. Her eyes searched mine, even from here I could see the horror of what they had endured. Web startled all of us, when he yelled her name, running towards her. 

The look of pure panic etched into her features. That moronic idiot didn't even notice until it was too late. She clung to the table, her body shaking as she gagged. Em’s face paled, her pupils  were so big you would think her eyes were black. 

The “no” that wretched itself free from her lips was haunting on its own. But paired with the way she had shaken her head so furiously trying to get her point across, crushed my heart right there in my chest. 

She didn’t feel safe. 

Web stopped, finally taking in her demeanour. But it was too late, she was already out the door quicker than anyone could yell for her to stop. 

Eyes fell on me, but I was already marching out the door, sending a glare over my shoulder in Web’s direction. 

I came outside to find her kneeling on the ground, her body heaved as she vomited. 

Em asked me to distract her, the only thing that came into my head is the first day we properly met. She had sat right on the front of the tank, nervously taking away to Bull, who had been distracted. I watched her realise that he wasn’t listening and let her conversation die on her tongue. 

She nervously shook her leg, even from behind I could see her shoulders were tense as she tried to find anything to distract her. So I had, it was more for selfish reasons really. I wanted to be the one she nervously rambled too, not Bull. 

The whole tank ride we had spoken to each other, she talked so animatedly, her bright blue eyes shining in the warm sun and her rosy cheeks that flushed when I told her jokes. Em was the most beautiful person I had ever seen, inside and out. I think I had fallen in love with her then. 

But then I got closer to her, she made friends with my friends and I found she was the only thing that I could think of, day and night, it was only ever her.  

But I hadn’t told her all of that. I couldn't form the words. 

I sat beside her until she had declared it was over. Pain still haunted her eyes. I was losing her again. I had just gotten her back. I couldn’t lose her. I needed her. I don’t think she even knew the impact she had on me. 

I remembered one night when she woke screaming from her nightmares, she said she had felt selfish. I dismissed her idea immediately. Never had she ever been selfish, she gave everything to me, she leaned on me when she needed and I did the same with her. 

I’m sure she didn’t even notice when she was doing it. Her small jokes, the way she touched me gently, her look of concern and care, the way her eyes found mine in every room she walked into. We looked after each other from the very start.

Em was a light in the darkness. But even sunshine could be covered by clouds. 

I told her I would inform the men she was safe and then take her to get treated for her injuries. I’m sure they had questions, we all did. But she would tell us with time. We wouldn’t push her.

**************************************

Chapter 40

[d20brainrot5]

I wanna talk about suffering

The whole song is a very electronic song, which if you'll remember, indicates magic, divinity, or anything above mortals.

Literally the opening tripped me up when I first heard it because it's so different than what I expected from a song called SUFFERING.

It's very upbeat, and that's what makes it work

Additionally, Penelope's instrument is the viola. Everytime Odysseus is thinking about her (except for in Monster), a viola plays her motif. But here, when Odysseus is supposedly TALKING to Penelope, the viola is noticeably absent.

And the way her name is sung is so different than anything else in the show.

The entire song is hinting at this not actually being Penelope, simply because of how different it is to any other time she's mentioned.

Odysseus saying he's afraid of the water, while odd to bring up in the first song of the SECOND act, isn't entirely unbelievable.

It would really suck for him, especially being at sea for so long, and it seems like something that should have been established in like.. Full Speed Ahead, but okay. Sure. Fear of the water. Why not.

That's not something that immediately stands out to me as odd. It's Penelope's line shortly after that caught me.

"Come play with me and our daughter"

We, as an audience, know that Odysseus has a son. We know that he has one child, and that child is a son. Not a daughter. Now, where the hell did "Penelope" get a daughter? And why does she think they have a daughter when they don't?

It's such a quick line that it's quickly overshadowed by the chorus that follows, which doesn't give the listener much time to really think to far into it. Which makes sense.

The whole point of this is that the siren is convinced that Ody is under her spell. The siren song literally makes it so you don't question things.

Why would Penelope be here? Why does she want you to get in the water so badly? You don't have a daughter?

Those are all questions that wouldn't cross Odysseus' mind if he was under the spell. A lot of the time, Sirens straight up make shit up and sailors don't question it.

Because they can't.

That's how the siren song works.

Problem for the siren: Odysseus isn't under the spell.

But she doesn't know that.

So by quickly brushing past the mention of their nonexistent daughter, there is very little chance for Ody to think anything is off.

Assuming he is spell bound.

Which he isn't.

So that doesn't work.

I've seen a lot of people mention the tone of voice used on the "oh no"

I didn't catch it at first, but it is very much a sarcastic "oh no", like "oh, how horrible... if only I cared"

The song sounds like a really nice duet between lovers for most of it. It genuinely sounds like a conversation they could have had, but there is one part that breaks that illusion.

After Ody says "but only if you answer a question or two," the song enters a state of quick exposition dumping. It remains fast pace, giving Odysseus almost a rap-like verse.

The Siren's response is very different than the rest of the song. She sounds like she's reciting a proverb or something.

And that low piano note is what really breaks the illusion. At first, this section made me think it was a song of Odysseus reflecting on their journey, just framed as him talking to Penelope.

Made me kinda worry for Ody's sanity but what else is new at this point

The low piano note is very similar to the one in There Are Other Ways, after Circe says the prophet is dead. The point is to create a sense of dread.

In Suffering, when she says "the lair of Scylla", the piano indicates to the listener that at some point, when they reach that place, shit is gonna go down.

The rest of the music cuts out, leaving only the ominous tune and the foreboding lyrics.

Then the siren gets all upbeat again, the music cuts, and the upbeat, jumpy tune resumes like nothing happened.

[nekropsii]

Hi! I've recently gotten into homestuck and I've read quite a bit of it, as well as other people's blogs analyzing and criticizing the media. I've heard a Lot about Dave's arc being centered around internal homophobia and toxic masculinity, so it surprised me to hear taht you disagreed! I was wondering why you think that, and what are your thoughts on what his arc actually is? I know you don't like writing about the alpha/beta kids, so feel free to ignore this ask completely if you want. Thank you, I hope you have a great day!

Hello, Anon! I'm glad you've been having fun with Homestuck lately!! Despite its many flaws, it is a deeply compelling piece of fiction, and I'm always glad to see new eyes on it and new voices being added to the analytical sphere. To answer your question...

Personally, I have never seen what people are talking about with regards to Dave's whole character arc surrounding overcoming Internalized Homophobia and Toxic Masculinity. These are fundamentally not what his arc is about, and this is never what his arc has ever been about. I'd honestly never seen that analytical lens until after DaveKat rose into prominence (mostly due to Post-Canon's heavy featuring of the pairing), and I feel as if these things are related. It is easier to make easy-to-stomach, shippy angst out of addressing your own personal shortcomings than what Dave's arc is actually about. No shade intended. This is because...

Dave's character arc is, and always has been, about Recovering from Childhood Abuse.

This is the conflict we are made aware of in his introduction, and it's a theme that persists all throughout the story. We meet Dave as a 13 year old boy suffering some pretty extreme abuse at the hands of Bro- Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, and Sexually. Dave's home life is such an active threat that he struggles to even admit to himself that it is abuse in the first place- that's an admission that takes a level of vulnerability that he just could not afford, and it's something he's only left to truly unpack during the Meteor Arc.

I have a couple major problems with the "Toxic Masculinity and Internalized Homophobia" takes. Firstly, Toxic Masculinity is not inherent to any expression of Masculinity. The only Toxically Masculine trait we see that's applicable to Dave is that he struggles deeply with vulnerability and sincerity in his emotions. However... These don't really have anything to do with what his views on what a man is or should be. They have everything to do with the fact that he was abused by someone who punishes any display of weakness, because Bro excused his abuse with it being "Training". Secondly... Dave is Bisexual. Even if the process of Dave struggling to accept being attracted to men was a major point in the story, it would not be called Internalized Homophobia. It would be called Internalized Biphobia, because Dave is canonically Bisexual, not Gay. We have seen Dave be attracted to more women than men, and attraction to both genders was present simultaneously. It was not Compulsory Heterosexuality. If it was, it'd be actually written into the story. Bisexual people exist. This is not a Homophobic argument to make; I am literally a Gay man.

It's anthropologically fascinating how this take arose... Basically out of nowhere from my perspective, especially considering how all of Dave's most iconic dramatic lines have something to do with him having to sort through his own abuse. Does no one remember the rooftop scene between Dave and Dirk, where Dave starts telling Dirk all about the horrible way that Bro raised him, and how deeply it affected him?

If not, I'm posting the most striking part of it here.

[Homestuck, page 7749.]

... So, yeah, no. Dave's character arc is not about "Overcoming Toxic Masculinity and Internalized Homophobia". It's about Abuse. Dave is an Abuse Victim. Point blank period. Any trait even loosely attributable to the ideas of Toxic Masculinity and Internalized Homophobia are a consequence of how he was raised, and how he was abused. This does not mean that this is what his character arc is about. That just means that's included within his character arc. It's a way to show growth, not a way to define his arc in its entirety. That is legitimately not how character writing works. To claim such would be to express a remarkable amount of Tunnel Vision.

Inclusion does not equate to Totality. There is a bigger picture, and that bigger picture is Abuse Recovery.

[donnerpartyofone]

I haven't read any of the discourse and I'm not going to, but the "male loneliness epidemic" is a curiosity to me just because it's framed as if only men get screened out of sexual competition. Part of me thinks that this is because women who are not sexually desirable are just not even seen as human by most people so there's a collective unconscious prejudice against the consideration of a GENERAL loneliness epidemic; however, I know that the consequences of male loneliness occasionally make the headlines, so there's more to the identification of this epidemic than just the treatment of ugly women as some sort of non-human pest. I just saw an excerpt from an essay by [cancelable author I don't want to argue about] where he says that economic class may be the primary social divider, but sexual currency is certainly the second. I thought everything he said was true although he did seem to imply that this only affects the lives and potential of men. I can't really blame him for just speaking from his own experience, but it often feels like "woman" is this mass concept that everyone understands to be erotic and desirable and so when we talk about "women", we almost only mean this creature who has the ultimate say over who gets laid and who doesn't, and whose biggest problem is deciding who gets access to them. Meanwhile there are these seas of women who are not sexually desirable and who are also not included in any kind of loneliness epidemic, and who is talking about that? Unfuckable women are treated like some sort of statistical outlier that is just naturally excluded from social observations, and no one feels obligated to say why that is.

I've heard a few things about gender dynamics among the heteros that insist that men actually fall in love more easily and therefore they're in more emotional peril than women are, and I thought Wow it has never been clearer that an author is surrounded by exclusively hot women and I wonder how aware they even are of why that might be. It's so funny, like that is not the stereotype I grew up with--it was exactly the opposite, that women are sensitive and often get used by men who only care about conquest and instant gratification--and it wasn't even the stereotype that I have lived with in New York City. Actually during the period when I was leaving an abusive relationship with someone who made his unfaithfulness a public spectacle, and uncertainly reentering the dating pool, there was a big article in The Village Voice about how straight women dramatically outnumbered straight men, so if you were a woman looking for a boyfriend (or family material, god forbid) you basically had to take what you could get and/or put up with letting your partner do whatever he wants at all times. That perfectly reflected my experience and the experiences of other women I have known, even the cute ones. The idea of this world where the only people who are suffering sexually and romantically are men borders on hilarious to me.

It does occur to me that maybe part of the construction of the male loneliness epidemic, that I will not research further, could be that straight men are often crazily picky. A lot of the guys I've known who have been very vocal about being desperately lonely and sexually deprived have also turned down women who were their perfect match in every way except for some standard of looks they refused to budge on. And I mean you can't always help who you're attracted to or not, but that does tend to make all the mourning and weeping about how women are too mean and shallow to fuck them sound kind of silly. Obviously it's not silly to the guy who shoots up a university because he's not surrounded by free use supermodels, but you know what I mean.

I guess the other reason I can't take the male loneliness epidemic seriously is that for men, looks aren't the main determining factor of your entire personal potential, and for women they really can be. Sexual attractiveness isn't just this thing that only affects whether you have sex, it can affect everything you ever do. I was making complaints along these lines one day, and somebody replied that they were confused because I'm married, i.e. a person fucks me so how could I possibly have complaints related to attractiveness. As if sexual currency isn't such a centralized issue of society ESPECIALLY for women, and it couldn't possibly affect things like your self-esteem or your ability to get a job or how you're treated in businesses and by the public and like, all types of other things. This won't be news to anyone, but a lot of people have a shockingly limited idea about the way things work.

[goldenasirpa]

It's pretty easy to hate on an angel RN so let's shake things up and talk about how CROWLEY enables Aziraphale's repression.

Most of the flashbacks put Aziraphales burgeoning cognitive dissonance on centerfold- with Crowley acting as the voice of reason. To Aziraphale, he represents a slippery slope; the personification of Temptation and Hard Questions and Grey Morals, but those things aren't actually character flaws on his part, as the show reminds us over and over. His actual flaws are more subtle, but very much still present.

Frankly, Crowleys worst flaw is stated plainly by Aziraphale; that he enables naivety in order to keep his angel safe. Put another way, swooping in to "save" him.

It's hard to blame him because, well, they could both die otherwise most of the time. But when Crowley saves the day with Job's kids and the Laudanum, he's also stopping Aziraphale from reaching his own solutions (and conclusions). The fact Aziraphale has managed to avoid any kind of punishment is, in fact, a detriment adding to his indoctrination under Heaven. Put simply: for Azi, it always works out. So why worry? Crowley, on the other hand, isn't so lucky- he gets punished for the Laundanum incident (which I hope we get more detail on btw) and in general suffers a lot for protecting Aziraphale.

You see this pattern repeat in smaller interactions, too. Crowley does all the work re-wording things to make them more palatable to Aziraphale. Crowley always returns to apologize after a storm-out. Etc.

((Side tangent: This is another reason I think the Blitz continuation is so interesting. For once you see a bit of a role reversal- Crowley INITIALLY saves him from the Nazis, but it's Aziraphale who saves them both from Furfur. Its one of the first and only times you see them communicating more effectively- so it's NO COINCIDENCE that this is also when Aziraphale seems to unclench his ass a little.))

During the Bookshop fight, Aziraphale waits for Crowley to save them to everybodys detriment. He endangers Maggie and Nina, and ends up having to use the halo as a desperate last resort. Again we see Aziraphale avoid implementing a solution (and thus avoid facing the consequences) until the last moment, hoping Crowley will do it for him. In the end, Nina nails them both on the head, right? They don't talk, and they really should.

All of this to be a stubborn Aziraphale defender, so here's my point:

Aziraphale looks completely shaken during Crowleys confession because it IS the first time he's hearing some of these things. Sure, Crowley has said some variety of "Heaven sucks" a million times, but Aziraphale always heard it to the tune of a jealous guy who has been kicked out for bad behavior. Their situations don't seem the same to Aziraphale because in his LIVED reality, they arent.

Hell, even their "exile" isnt the same- Aziraphale keeps the bookshop and is allowed to keep helping people. Crowley loses everything and continues to be hounded by Shax. To Azi, Heaven and Hell are moral opposites, not parallels, and Crowley has never really argued otherwise until now.

Crowley, of course, bails him out every time because he wants to spare his angel the Heartbreak that destroyed him. You can't blame him- and snapping under all the pressure is only logical too. But you also can't blame Aziraphale for being upset when 6,000 years of Crowleys obscura comes tumbling down around them.

[phryneluvbot]

so, I basically live tweeted my (third) watch of crypt on twitter (it's the same name as in here, if anyone interested), so let me just drop everything I passed by this entire evening:

goofy opening, but where is my dancing silhouette and the 1920's godly music?

detective inspector jack robinson would like to know your location

tip: ALWAYS keep your sight on that woman, ALWAYS

I just love how phryne changed from a golden dress to a red outfit (I love it btw) that quickly, also one of her 8 languages is arabic!? MY GIRL!!

PRISON BREAK OUT FOR AN INNOCENT GIRL WHO WANTS TO SHARE THE TRUTH OF HER VILLAGE?! PHRYNE, YOU ARE AN AMAZING WOMAN

PLEASE GET INSIDE THE TRAIN PHRYNE, PLEASE GET-

oh...

oh...

oh no... she did actually... oh my god no

OMG DOTTIE IS PREGNANT AND VULNERABLE, MUST PROTECT AT ALL COSTS (and hugh too)

(also, the only scene where we saw a part of the wardlow crew - where's mr butler, mac - HER BEST FRIEND, AND JANE, HER DAUGHTER!? COULDN'T WE SEE THEIR REACTIONS!?)

so, he never went after her... makes it even more heartbreaking

he even still saved the photos, his face showing the tears being retracted... I want to hug you so badly jack

"You meant so much more to Phryne"

OK, THAT MAKES IT EVEN MORE PAINFUL, I-

on the floor, crying and sobing

oh, aunt prudence is here (but not phryne's parents, on their daughter's funeral - I might get that most likely they have trauma from Janey and couldn't mark their presence in another funeral for their last daughter, but it would have been nice to be present and meet her boyfriend - aka jack - who is noticeably suffering a lot)

SO, YOU WERE ACTUALLY ALIVE THE LAST 6 WEEKS!? COULD HAVE JUST SENT A LETTER TO SOMEONE, GIRL-

I get it that she didn't knew she was presumed dead, that would have worried everyone she knew and loved, so it was a perfect time to apologize and show the empathic phryne we love

instead it was a "oh" and some awkard smilling

Phryne, I love you, a lot... But you can do better, and especially that you saw the man that loves you the most broken

"I came here for one thing, to farewell you. Farewell" I could hear the pain on his voice, poor Jack...

Well, this scene was iconic

"Jack, are you awake?"

well, he said he wasn't

proceeds to appear on the church moments later

and the man was murdered

and they can't leave england (my condolences)

oh, this is ending badly

"And I am sorry if I am not dead"

phryne, don't say the word "death" to that man again, he thought you died twice in the space of a few months (idk, this movie doesn't even say how after it is from the show). I understand that you might be hurt that he never came after you, I really do, but please, the poor man is still processing that he almost lost you.

also, both (still) don't know what personal space means

(kinky)

oh, so that thing is cursed and... oh, this movie is like if indiana jones was an australian detective, good to know

from the creators of "singing in the rain", we present you "almost kissing in the rain"

oh, you're going to break in his house, so you while use your old stealth black outfit like in melbourne, righ-

why. did you. chose to use. a jumper. with. your. initials. (I still love it, and the entire ouftit, I'd like one of those too please designers)

ooooh, he brought her a gift (and tuxedo jack, meow)

please, both of, learn what personal space is

oooh, they're dancing again... cute

arguing

more arguing

Palestinian man finds out that the people of the country that occupied his country are all douchebags

HE DIED, HE GOT SHOT AT THE HEART, WHY!?

Sharim, I am so sorry...

oh, those guys again... great

well, now they're going to Palestine and find the crypt of tears (OMG IT'S THE NAME OF THE MOVIE)

"I just hope she doesn't fly like she drives"

"I HEARD THAT!"

they are so married

oh, it's a mercenary... well, we're getting of quickly then

bombastic side eye

woman, why are you so hot?

Jack, she just wanted to take the gun, don't worry...

and now they have no guidance, great-

Phryne, we both know how it ends

steps on quicksand

"JaCK, I NEED YOUR HELP!"

Jack continues to not give a fuck after their arguing

"IT'S QUICKSAND"

Jack proceeds to run into her

"I'm not losing you like this, not after all the stupid ways I've nearly lost you."

"WHAT STUPID WAYS?"

Phryne, we both know which stupid ways

not saying a thing, just admiring

ok, they found one of the points of the map, they just need to connect all and boom: entrance found

damn, nice crypt

lesson of the day: don't ever trust "british" man

and it wasn't an accident, YOU MURDERED A VILLAGE AND DOOMED THAT GIRL'S LIFE, THAT IS NOT CALLED AN ACCIDENT

and of course the butler was part of this, and jonathon's father!? Ok...

he thinks he's cursed, blames everything on himself, and wants to die there so he can be free and find forgiveness from the people of the village... I hope you have found forgiveness jonathon, and that your father is going to suffer forever

goodbye sharim, we're all hoping you can motivate many other young girls and women with your spirit

Yeah, trying to shoot a giant spider is a very Phryne thing

Yay, Jack "killed it"

"It's my only fear, Jack. Apart from spending a long flight with Aunt Prudence"

omg, it's going to happen...

"You're afraid if you fall in love with me, I'll turn you into a policeman's wife and... try to stop you from saving the world." Jack, you are so wrong (except on the marriage part, she would only accept one in her own terms)

"And I don't need to marry. I just need your heart, as god knows you've already got mine"

"Jack, I've already gave you my heart a long time ago."

OMG, IT'S ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN

"For a detective you don't notice much"

IT HAPPENED, IT HAPPENED, IT ACTUALLY-

dies in excessive fangirling

THEY FUCKED, THEY FUCKED, THEY ACTUALLY FUCKED!! THE PHRACK SEX IS REAL!!

and it ends with a teaser for a sequel... that atp I think we won't get (hope I am wrong)

well, that was fun, now it's the spin off left (that got cancelled after season 2 of finished-)

[ilovescaredysquirrel2]

Unpopular opinion: Dirty Dan shows should be banned

Okay, I felt this way for a long time but I feel like after that "Quiet on the set" documentary, we ALL know what Dirty Dan Schneider did to the children who worked on his nasty, perverted shows and movies. I'm sorry if these were your "childhood favorites" which is a bunch of bullcrap because it was part of my childhood too. My grandma and I used to think Cat was so cool on Victorious, and we liked the songs, although there were some moments that made us question why people would put such rubbish jokes in a kids show. The songs are great, but if you watch it for "nostalgia", which I can't do after knowing what Dan did, just search the songs up in the nightcore playlists on YouTube. Victorious should be BANNED along with all of Dan's sows and and movies. I think iCarly and Good Burger were the worst of all, and those of you who say otherwise, I think you don't realize how much abuse these kids went through on set and how disgusting the "humor" was in these shows. I think iCarly should get banned first, but everything that Dan Schneider worked on should be banned. and I mean EVERYTHING!

Okay, I'm 21 and hate adult humor shows... I know it's weird but I'm from the generation that had shows like Little Bear, Maggie and the Ferocious Beast, Marvin the Tap-Dancing, and ToddWorld (those last two shows you probably never heard of, look them up) and I'm not used to that Family guy/Ren & stimpy type humor. In fact, Ren & Stimpy is another show I think should be banned. John K was just like Dan Schneider in a way, he was a huge p*do too. I'm also not saying that dirty jokes in kids shows are a bad thing, subtle dirty jokes are okay, but don't take the "adult humor" too far. They take the dirty jokes way too far in those shows. I hope one day we will stop putting perverted, fetishy stuff in kids shows. Some example of subtle dirty jokes would be like the "Could you imagine teaching those kids how to ride a corndog?" thing from Marvin the tap-dancing Horse, and the "I'm trying to admire some heavenly bodies" "Wow you can see the beach through that thing? Let me look" from CatDog. Those were subtle dirty jokes for parents, but we know they were talking about something that wasn't for kids. The shows like iCarly and Ren & Stimpy just had the most perverted, fetishy crap ever that it wasn't even watchable.. especially since iCarly characters were underage. There's other Nickelodeon shows I do have problems with, but that's for a different day.

Jeanette McCurdy wasn't the only victim and just because she spoke out and wrote a book about it, doesn't mean that it only happened to her. The other girls were offered hush money. I do think Jeanette probably suffered the worst, though. I think Amanda Bynes (voice of Piper in Robots, if you don't know who she is) had it bad too. I'm sure she had fun voicing in Robots, but she obviously went through abuse on the Dirty Dan shows that she was on. Dirty Dan gave her "The Amanda show" so that she could be the star because that creepy jerk was obsessed with her. Also, Miranda Cosgrove (if you don't know who that is, she was Margot in Despicable Me and Sam in Mouse Tale) also went through abuse by Dirty Dan too. Practically everyone was abused by Dirty Dan Schnieder. He didn't just have a foot fetish either, he literally R*PED underage girls! He also held pool parties and refused to invite their parents... if that doesn't sound suspicious, I don't know what does.

I also have opinions on Disney movies I think we should cancel, however, those are old movies and I know more people have nostalgia for them, and they could be a good learning point for people to see how far we've come (like, Peter Pan and Song of the South absolutely disgust me, but they can be used as a learning thing on why we shouldn't make movies like this anymore). I'd like to see them get banned eventually though, however more people have nostalgia for those than iCarly and stuff, and I just think we need to ban iCarly (and Dan's other shows) first.

If you disagree I'd like to hear your opinion on why you disagree with me. If you agree, let me know your thoughts. I'm still mad that they removed an innocent episode of SpongeBob from Paramount plus, yet you can watch Victorious and iCarly on there. It doesn't make sense... we should start a riot or boycott for Paramount Plus or something. WE NEED TO COMPLAIN! I don't want any other kid in the world to see an episode of iCarly, Victorious, Sam & Cat, Henry Danger, All That, Kenan & Kel, Thundermans, whatever else Dan Schneider worked on! PLEASE! If you see your kids or younger sibling watching one of those shows, turn it off immediately and try to get those awful shows removed for good!

Yeah, sorry for the rant, again, if you disagree, I'd like to hear why. Try convincing me that these shows don't need to be banned.

[redshift-starfire]

Getting my thoughts on the election out since I've been seeing some squabbling on my dash and I wanna make a futile attempt at clearing shit up that probably won't change anyone's mind

I'm gonna get the president shit out of the way first. Just vote for the genocide woman if you live in a swing state. We (leftists) all hate her, we are all aware that she won't stop the suffering going on in Gaza or Lebanon or anywhere else and she's not going to do much good here. I don't like voting against my morals or best interest, but that was never an option for us. Our voting system is first-past-the-post, winner takes all, so if we don't ensure that the genocidal cop woman with some good policy doesn't get into that office, then we WILL get genocidal old orange billionaire "man" who is hellbent on making everything infinitely worse. It's much easier to bully the former into ending the genocide than the latter. The latter will get you shot by the national guard. Vote strategically then bully relentlessly. We need to get our shit together if we want things to change for the better.

But more importantly:

THERE'S MORE ON THE BALLOT THAN JUST THE PRESIDENT

Do not fucking forget about Congress and how much of a hand they play in all this. God fucking forbid the GOP get another trifecta, if they do it's fucking over, we can't let that happen again. Conservatives are going out in droves to vote early and we need to beat that. A dem majority (especially a supermajority) would make it infinitely easier for the progressive caucus to get their bills through. And that would make many things possible, including better border policy and a ceasefire. This is the best outcome we can hope to have.

VOTE FUCKING LOCAL

I've seen people talking a lot about conservative maniacs in office. THIS IS WHERE THEY ARE. GET. THEM. OUT. This election has State and Federal Senate and House seats up for grabs, Governors, Mayors, County Officials, Sheriffs. All people who have a much greater force on your personal material life than whoever's ass gets sat at that one chair in that one old ass building in DC. This is the one place in American politics where Socialist and Green party candidates are even anywhere close to viable right now and it's how we can get them to be more viable in the future. Do research and make your voice heard in your local area and conditions will improve no matter who the president is. Especially if you show up for primaries and runoffs. There's an independent journalist who makes leftist voting guides for my area and that's what I used to figure out who best to vote for (much more useful for primaries).

DO OTHER SHIT TOO

This is where you can do whatever really, so long as it helps. Poll watch to make sure the GOP doesn't try and completely derail this one. Cure ballots to make sure they're counted. Protest. Scream at people. Join a militia. Strike. Plan the revolution. Boycott. Jack off on Ronald Reagan's grave and post an image of the result on every social media site with the caption: "I'm doing my part!" Whatever. Go fucking wild. The most important thing is that you bully the shit out of whoever is in office until they do something. We by no means should only be doing one thing to shape this society into one we like. Reform/revolution is a false dichotomy. If we do both at the same time, one of them will work.

Do not let them know peace.

[best-detective-since-sherlock]

Mini Story Lore Thing: Gabriel Confronts Bella

//This is a little written out thing of Gabriel confronting Bella about her recent...actions. I'm jumping on the idea that everyone hates Bella anyway, so let's give them more reason to.

Bella swore under her breath. Deimos had leaked part of their plans. Curse her, this could ruin everything, especially if Piper saw it. Hopefully, Jessie had kept those content blockers in place against such things. Good thing she had instituted those in the first place. Perhaps she could have Evelyn gauge what Piper knew and what she didn't. Ah, that would do nicely. She did enjoy working with them.

She was just thinking through her next course of action when the apartment door opened. The rustling of a long coat, the weight of those footsteps.

“Gabriel,” she greeted, her voice carefully even as she turned around. “You’re supposed to be in Metropolis.” Far far away from her plans. And yet here he was to meddle.

Why did people keep meddling in her affairs?

“I heard about your recent schemes and thought we ought to talk,” he answered simply. He shed his coat and stood in front of her, annoyingly being her older brother. Annoyingly deciding to assume that role as it was suddenly needed. She scowled. She didn’t need him. She didn’t need any of that.

“That’s unncessary. I don’t know what you’ve heard, but—“

“What are you doing with Piper?” The question was so sharp and deliberate that it threw her off. How uncharacteristic of him to speak to her in such a way. He was usually the most obedient of the agency. That was one of the reasons he was often so pleasant to have around.

She weighed her options. How much should she tell him? How much would he accept? What could she say to get him to leave and drop this whole matter? That would be most ideal.

"What you've heard is true," she decided as her response, "but I can assure you, Gabriel, that it is for Piper's own good. Awakening any meta abilities she may have can only be beneficial for her well-being. Any pain she suffers between now and then is inconsequential in the grand scheme of things."

Ah, yes, that seemed decent enough.

Evidently not good enough for her brother

"They say she could be dying! She can't even get up!" Gabriel snapped. Bella narrowed her eyes. She had heard of this. Anonymous tips from the eyes and ears everywhere. Surely that's where he had heard this from because the only other person near Piper recently was Evelyn, and Evelyn would never betray her.

"Enough of this. Piper is--"

"She could be dying, Bellatrix!" Gabriel fumed. How unlike him, Bella thought bitterly. "You don't sound any different from the criminals we catch! You've dragged Piper and now Evelyn into this mess and what do you hope to accomplish? Piper got kidnapped! You nearly got arrested! And now?

"Papa and Mamma would be so disappointed if they were here." That gave her pause. He sounded so sure of himself. Like he knew everything.

How idiotic.

"You forget your place," she replied coldly. "You have no power here, dear brother. Do not forget that I am the only thing standing between you and everything behind you. I am the only thing keeping you from that fate, and you know it.

"So, unless you would like to return to that, I suggest you cease these useless protests. Otherwise, I suppose I shall make a phone call to the English government, won't I? They'd love to hear from me. They were so very disappointed when I said they couldn't have you."

Gabriel stiffened, and she looked him right in the eyes. Screw the fact that he was older than her. Screw the fact that he was her only family left. She was the reason he was still here in the first place. He had no right to say such things, much less bring up their parents.

How dare he. How dare the lesser speak as though they knew what they were saying.

"Now, if that's all, you're dismissed," Bella said simply and turned back around to her files. She didn't even turn around when he left. It didn't matter anyway.

She would see this test to fruition.

And no one could stop her.

[12pt-times-new-roman]

c3e65

Y'know, it only came up because I saw them in the art reel, but the Judicators do sound alarmingly like Cybermen.

"We... we spent every waking hour of every waking day trying to get back to you. And you came back with -- you have a boyfriend now? You had a little tryst? And you (Imogen) -- you have a new best friend, apparently? I thought about you every moment, and I thought you might've been dead... we didn't have downtime, we didn't have fun moments, we didn't go shopping, we didn't have threesomes -- we went to the middle of nowhere, we saved a fucked up town, and we almost had one of the Ruby Vanguard murder all of us. That was our fun time."

"We're not angry that you didn't suffer -- but it's going to take a while for us to recover." If you told me that, by episode 60, Ashton would be the Bells Hells' voice of reason, I'd laugh at you. But here we are.

Ashton says that he's feeling weirdly okay, Orym is frustrated and wants to move, and Laudna is... withdrawn? Angry? There are a lot of emotions going on, most of them conflicting.

They agree to split up for a day to go investigate different lines of inquiry -- Ashton and FCG want to visit Milo, Chetney wants to meet with Ajit Dyal. Afterwards, they plan to teleport to Zephrah to talk to Keyleth.

I feel like it needs to be restated that the temple of the Dawnfather in Hearthdale was built 30+ years ago because they were given permission to do so by wealthy landowners who bought a chunk of land and let them use it. They increased their presence in response to the solstice, yes, but in the end their prolonged presence there was the result of capitalism and wealth disparity.

We go first to the Krook House. Milo's workshop is in complete disarray -- most of their creations and projects have been disassembled because a lot of it just stopped working. "Wait, were your meds arcane?" ashton--

Ashton hands Milo a mystery note and a bag with some stuff in it. "How quickly can you do that?" "A day and a half." He hands over his hammer. "What are you plotting?" "I think I'm getting a real job. I think we're gonna save the world somehow, fuck it. I think we're gonna be some fuckin' heroes."

Ashton had a lot of time to think over the past few days. They thought about their life, everything that's happened. And they've decided that now is not the time to be worthless, now is not the time to be useless. He doesn't like having things to lose, but now he does, their time apart made him realize that, and he knows he can either risk losing them or he can go all-in with this new family.

They also call FCG out, gently, on their self-destructive tendencies. FCG agrees that if they start taking care of themselves more, the rest of the group will spend less time taking care of them (i.e. they won't have to stop them from sacrificing themselves at every turn), and that they -- between Frida and their newfound faith -- have found a reason to live.

Sometimes, caring for other people is the most punk thing you can do. Or whatever that one post said.

We go next to Imogen and Laudna. They go to visit Xhudanna, who has taken up painting.

"You don't need to listen in to hear my thoughts. I'll share them with you." "...can I kiss you?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I don't think you realize, you're such an anchor for me, and when you weren't here, I did such horrible things -- I'm worried I'm a bad person --" "I've heard everything inside you, Laudna, and you are not a bad person. I said you were my tether. Whatever you did, you can tell me." She recounts what happened with Bor'dor, that she was literally hanging on by a thread when she did it. His betrayal broke her, and she couldn't let him live. She says that she lost control, even though her inner monologue in that moment told her that she was holding on to control.

"He attacked you, first of all. Fuck him. And whatever happened with [Delilah]... we'll make it right again, okay?" "Can I be honest with you? There's part of me that thinks we shouldn't. We're about to face the greatest challenge of our lives." Delilah can make her stronger, and she thinks she can use Delilah.

Meanwhile, Imogen doesn't know whether she wants to get rid of the moon's tether. Power is tempting, alluring -- maybe it's their destiny to harness it, maybe it's to challenge and reject it, but only time will tell.

There's something happening in the marketplace. People gathered around in a circle. A familiar voice. "We were never meant to be bound by their laws. We were always meant to rise above them." A hologram-like image of Ludinus hovers above the fountain, speaking of finally rising past the imposed destiny, of no longer being the "beasts of burden" to the gods but the driving force of future and fate.

Guards rush through -- "fuck, another one!" -- and pull a silver disk from the water. When they smash it, the illusion fades. In the crowd, there's mostly fear and confusion, this is adding to their anxiety -- a handful seem to be absorbing the words, but the wardens are hastily dispersing the crowd.

Lastly, Chetney, Fearne, and Orym go to visit Ajit Dyal.

Leading up to the solstice, ships from the north docked in Jrusar before heading south, but after it, there has been a steady stream of new skyships and soldiers.

When they ask about rumors, Ajit says that the people of Jrusar are afraid more than anything. The Quorum calls for calm, but it's hard to ignore the soldiers, and the "big red sign of impending doom." There's an alliance between Issylran militaries, the leader of Ank'harel (J'man Sa'ord), the Clovis Concord, and the Stratos Throne, and all of them are sending forces to the Hellcatch Valley.

There are rumors that everything has been organized by the Stratos Throne and that this is the start of a second Apex War; meanwhile, doomsayers are saying that this is the start of a second Calamity.

As far as enchantments go, many of the automatons running the gondolas have broken down, and multiple prisoners who had been bound by magic have escaped. This is mostly why Jrusar's local guards are on high-alert. The leader of the Ivory Syndicate was among those who were broken out.

The temples have been more reluctant than usual to open their doors.

They ask Ajit to point them toward someone who might know something about Old MagicTM, and he immediately returns from inside the hall with Deremon, a very elderly man who once tutored Ajit.

Chetney pulls out the El Crusty Vest de Ludinus (TM) and shows it to the pair. "This is very peculiar; I have no idea."

Because Ajit didn't hear Ludinus during the solstice either, they gather that hearing that message was related to one's proximity to the leyline nexuses. People who were close to nexus points heard the voice and had a chance of being teleported, it seems, which also means that there is a leyline nexus over both Emon and wherever Deni$e found Dariax.

From the Dyal Hall, the trio starts to head toward the Smoulder Spire to visit the temple of the Matron of Ravens. On their way, a scent catches Chetney's nose -- the most savory meat pie he's ever smelled. To Orym and Fearne, it's more of a stale grain smell. Following it, it becomes an overwhelming hunger, a bestial drive toward the source, like fresh blood on a hunt. Chet makes a WIS save and fails with a 16, sprints toward the source -- in a dark alleyway, there's a short man in a hood, and he tosses a pouch to Chetney -- he catches it, it's a herby, medicinal texture, and the moment he bites it the figure throws a silver net over him.

"Stay away, miss, this is official business!" Fearne immediately throws a spell at him for 31 damage. "It's just business--" "This is my business."

god, the fact that they're going for lethal force immediately and asking zero questions of this normal, leather-clad, dwarven dude they know nothing about is so incredibly telling. especially for Orym, who specifically goes for a gut shot first before tripping him.

"This is a problematic, cursed beast, and I'm going to bring him in." "I mean, you're not wrong, but he's our problematic beast." There's a bounty on Chetney's head, and this guy is intent on bringing him in, but notably he is not making any damaging attacks against Orym (who's blocking his path) -- he's just trying to push past.

Fearne approaches, asks if she can give Chetney a kiss with a 28 persuasion check, and casts stoneskin on him. Interestingly enough, she ignores the 100gp material component for the spell -- so I wonder if Matt is being more lenient with valued components this campaign.

Mister runs up to Chetney and uses fiery teleportation for the first time, which gets him out of the net.

"Tuyen sends her regards." This guy was hired by Tuyen Otwana, the shopkeeper of Prism Emporium -- the shop that overcharged him for a wood chisel, that he subsequently attacked.

As Chetney casts invisibility, I am reminded that we still have no idea why Chetney has the Shadow-Touched feat, nor why Imogen has the Fey-Touched feat. (If there's a narrative reason for either, which I have to assume there is.)

The dwarf picks up the net and misty steps away.

The trio continues to the Smoulder Spire, and climbs almost to its apex. There, they find the temple to the Matron of Ravens, made of a darker material and cleaner than anything else here. The doors are closed, but not locked. Inside, there is a singular figure who opens their arms to the trio. Orym leads them in. "What brings you to the Duskmaven's sight this day, little one?"

"I'm sorry -- I don't have anyone else to turn to right now. I'm having major questions of my faith, and the changes I see above have me worried." "You are not alone." "I am no stranger to death, and I have heard tales of fate. But the things I'm seeing frighten me. What's happening?" "The skein is tangled; the threads are not. The fear that you feel is felt by all... there is much sewn (sown?) -- confusion, distraction. They are doing what we all are doing: what we must do to survive. And our fates are intertwined; if they, if she, can see this through, they will see us through it with them. [How do you know that?] Faith."

The priest can still feel the Matron's influence, but that presence is different than it was before the solstice. She feels a "human vulnerability," and finds it both strange and comforting to feel that in something so grand. "She was like us once, so perhaps she has that vulnerability uniquely." "Do you know what her name was?" "There are none who live that do."

"She may not have the answers you seek, as we are in both a period of mourning and a period of preparation." "How much time you think we've all got?" "Come drink of the waters with me."

The priest leads Orym -- to pulls Fearne along -- toward the interior waterfall. Along the way, they notice that some of the interior lights are dark. She fills a steel pan with water, and offers it to Orym to drink. He leans down, closes his eyes, and drinks the (very cold, but refreshing) water.

The cold spreads through him as he drinks -- not uncomfortable, but cold. Fearne, Chetney, and the priest do the same; as the priest kneels, Orym thinks that he "is just looking for answers," while Fearne thinks loudly that she is "just feeding the root."

"Away from the warming light of the sun--" Is the Matron being portrayed as the opposite of Pelor? Is that what's happening here?

They all spend an indeterminate amount of time kneeling by the water, disassociating, listening to the sound of the water, the cold, the still, and they wonder if this is a piece of death herself. They feel cold, content, at peace.

When they emerge from this state, Chetney is visible, and the priest is gone. They open the front door to a crimson sky, a familiar crater, a beam of noxious energy firing into the sky -- inside the beam they see an orb, hear a scream that doesn't stop, a scream that encompasses the entirety of Exandria and beyond --

and they see a flash of a white porcelain mask, they emerge from their trance state. The priest stands before them -- "we are in a period of mourning for one of our own." That's why the temple's torches are low, why their doors are closed: they are mourning Vax'ildan, the Champion of the Matron of Ravens.

"How do we help? How do we help in the fight? How do we turn the tide?" "Faith."

Orym stoops down, takes a bit of the water from the pool, and smears it across the front of his shield.

The Bells Hells reconvene and share their stories. Laudna is visibly much happier than when they last saw her. Imogen gives Ashton an orange.

Orym would've heard things about "the Champion of the Matron" just as he would've heard about historical figures, and he'd know that the Champion had a tie to Keyleth, but Keyleth herself never mentioned him in front of Orym.

the Bells Hells don't even knows who the gods are. They don't know the difference between the Change Bringer and the Moon Weaver. Fearne doesn't now that Morri isn't a god. They don't know the difference between the Dawnfather and the Matron of Ravens.

And suddenly, the Bells Hells are debating whether they're trying to save the gods or trying to save humanity. Orym argues that those two causes are the same thing, but Laudna disagrees, and FCG agrees to too far of an extent. Imogen conflates a signal from a god to worship. Laudna equates leveling a block of a city to intervention of the gods. \

Ashton -- the most sensible one here at the moment -- says that there's a lot of conjecture about things that just happen. "I watched my parents get ripped to bits in a maelstrom of gods-know-what, I got thrown into a desert and picked up by shitty people and thrown into a fucking orphanage where I stayed -- more or less, what you'd expect. I fought a lot, I made friends, we did what we fucking could, and I fell out a window and woke up in a pain that has never stopped. And there were little sections ot my life where I prayed, and I begged, anything to all of them, any of them, and the only time they've ever spoken to me was the one who tried to fucking kill me less than a week ago. So, I'm here to save us, I'm here to save the people who live here, hell, I've had one fucking word I spoke to a fucking pile of earth that was more responsive and made me feel better and more connected to anything in my fucking life, that grounded itself more -- and you know what? I'm all for faith. I'm not gonna pick a god, they can pick me, they can pray to me, they can choose me more than I ever did to them."

I lied, Orym is the most sensible one. "History is littered with their positive influence here; but none of you would suggest wiping out every living being on earth because some of them are shitty. Some of them have done good, and I think that thinking black-and-white is comforting -- but it's a little more nuanced than that."

"Why can't i have faith in you all? Faith in Exandria, faith in you all, faith in those that came before the gods? The eidolons, the earth, the titans?"

There's a lot going on here, and Team Issylra is (deliciously) misinterpreting the eidolons and the Dawnfather's temple. They all have different opinions, and they're all hung up on the definition of "faith" -- but in the end, they agree that regardless of whether the gods are worthy of saving, Ludinus needs to fucking die. And that's something I can get behind.

I've said it before and I'll say it again -- the discussion of whether or not the gods should exist, of whether the should or shouldn't exhibit their power over mortal-kind, of whether mortal faith gives them life and power, of whether they are in control of fate -- all of it doesn't fucking matter right now. Those questions are ones that can be asked once this is all over. Because the Bells Hells know that, objectively, Ludinus' plan is evil, he is not the one who should fill that power vacuum, he needs to be stopped.

Fearne attempts to scry on Ludinus. As her consciousness extends toward him, she drifts in a liminal space with nothing to tether to, and she realizes that she is unable to scry on him. He has and is attuned to an amulet of proof against detection and location, the same item that shielded Caleb from Trent's eyes.

FCG attempts to scry on Liliana Temult. He focuses on the coin and sees its metal first become strands of hair, then become darker metal; his vision pushes through the coin and into darkness, which turns to redness. He finds himself in the familiar red dust storm that fills almost all the space around him -- but he sees Liliana walking, her hair and coat billowing in the wind. To her left is Ludinus Da'leth, and on the horizon, there are shapes -- structures, buildings... in the sky, a round body of a faint bluish-green coloration -- Exandria looms just beyond the dust storm above." That's all they receive.

They're on the SURFACE OF THE FUCKING MOON, on the SURFACE of RUIDUS ITSELF

It was like they were walking through a street. There is no distinction between home and building here -- it's just a street.

Laudna and Chetney think that this city was on the continent that got scooped up to form Exandria.

FCG asks the Changebringer whether Exandria is round, and she responds, yes.

The Bells Hells deduce that they need to figure out "how to ride [the beam]," that they need to find out how to get to the surface of Ruidus. Spelljammer, here we come!

FCG casts identify on the harness. "The funnel goes to the base of the neck, between the shoulder blades. It is designed, though it does not currently function, to take the essence of some sort of magic and funnel it to some sort of place on the wearer's body -- between the shoulder blades, on the neck."

Orym assumes that the device was designed to prolong Ludinus' life, because fey creatures are generally more long-lived than Exandrians.

Ashton finally asks the question of where Ira and Xandis are.

By sunset, Milo has finished the modifications on Ashton's hammer -- they have installed the immovable rod into the handle. "I'm not entirely sure what the properties of this are, aside from the fact that it's very unique, there's a refractory aspect of the crystal itself." Inside the sack was some amount of the refractory crystal they took from the Verdant Tomb, and incorporating it into the hammer has had some...... unforeseen implications.

Orym tries Caleb's sending stone. "Caleb Widogast. Bells Hells here. We survived -- where are you? Do you know what happened out there?" There's static fuzz, and no response. There is no indicator on the Treshi scry ball, and the Drixlich sensor points toward Uthodurn.

Imogen tries to cast sending on Ira. "Ira? Can you hear me, is this working?" With a 53, a familiar static of the "arcane forces in the sky."

FCG scries on Ira, but he makes his save. Ira exists, he lives out there somewhere, but he made his save.

Fearne scries on Ira. She focuses, and connects to "the pulse of life around Exandria" -- Ira is deep within a clustered, red-dust storm, not among structures or others but alone, pushing through a maelstrom, a stronger storm than they've said, trudging through an intense red. A dark shape arrives and he presses up against it, leans against a massive, smoothed boulder, and ducks into an alcove. Outside the storm, he blinks, pushes dust out of the corner of his eyes. Another figure approaches -- thick, partially patchworkly-armored torso, a muscular humanoid figure of deep red skin, oddly textured face-- features sallow and smooth, one of the Reilora. They gesture, and Ira follows. Their features are different than the figure they saw Imogen summon, and different than the gith body Team Issylra found.

Using Orym's shield as a focus, Imogen invokes the staff, and teleports the Bells Hells to Zephrah. "It's... mid-day, a beautiful cloud-dappled sky. A beautiful horizon among brown and red stones, clusters of trees, pathways that lead through the mountains, grass fields, the mountains to the east... a precipice of a cliff that is woven through the peaks of these mountains, pastels, bridges and ledges that encompass the rustic homesteads that make up this community like the existence of this village is a gift from the land itself... a tall cherry tree sits on the precipice to your right."

[b1ueoff1ine]

I'll Be Home For Christmas

Professor!Otto x Reader

Prompt/Summary: You're boarding at a school overseas, and most students are going home for the holidays. You can't afford the trip, so you've decided to stay despite the fact that you miss your family. A charming man who happens to be teacher at the school invites you to join him and his family for Christmas. During the break, you relearn what Christmas, and love, are all about from a new perspective.

Warnings: Age Gap. Angst. Fluff. (let me know if I missed any!)

A/N: any one wanna be tagged in part two? also the gif- the background I'm imagining as a chalkboard so it makes sense.

WC: 777

_

"I know, I know, honey, but it's what we've got to deal with. You can make it through break without us." Your father's voice came through the phone.

"But-"

Your father cut you off. "No buts. We dont have the funds, you don't have the funds. You've just got to deal with it."

"Fine." You sighed in frustration, hanging up the phone.

You weren't going to be able to see your boyfriend this Christmas, nor your family. Despite how much you wished you could return to the US, you didnt have the funds for flying overseas. You were stuck in London for the holidays.

No one could guess you were from America. You had lived in the UK for years, the surrounding peoples influencing your accent. You visited your family every summer and winter break, it had become something very important to you.

That was why you were so bummed. And a few years ago was when you met your then soon-to-be-boyfriend who you felt an instant connection with.

But that didn't matter now- you couldnt go home and see him.

You felt like crying. You wanted to. But there was other students in the hall with you. So you headed to your dorm.

You arrived to your roommate's side halfway cleared out, them exiting the room with their suitcases in one corner.

"You get to go home? I thought you were staying here." You scoffed in frustration.

"Hey, I didnt know it was happening until this morning. Dont get angry at me." She replied, eyeing you with concern. "Relax, we still have classes today. I'm not leaving you yet."

"Fine." You said reluctantly.

You had every class with your roommate, which was nice.

You went to your first class of the day and suffered through it. The students next to you were a couple, and they were kissing and cuddling like you used to with your boyfriend in the US.

It made you so upset, you snapped at them. "Pay attention!"

"Ugh, fine." The girl looked and sounded disgusted that you were speaking to her.

The rest of the day was torture. You literally had almost every class with that same couple and they were distracting as hell. When it got to your last class of the day, the day before break, you were pissed at them.

"Shut up and pay attention!" You snapped.

The girl looked disgusted again.

"Thank you, miss L/N for reprimanding those two. I was starting to get annoyed." The professor spoke to you, but angled the annoyance towards the couple- specifically the girl.

Her disgusted expression turned to a mixture of surprise and confusion.

"Pfft." You stiffled a small laugh.

The professor smiled. "Now, miss L/N, care to tell us what you are going to be doing over the holidays? We might as well start with you."

You nodded and stood. "I wish I could go back to the US, but neither my family nor I had the funds to do so. So I am staying here to explore the parts of the UK that I have not yet seen." You finished and sat down, leaning back in your seat.

It was the last class of the year before break, yet it seemed to last forever. Student after student talked about going home for the holidays and spending time with their loved ones.

You sighed as the bell finally rang. It was so unfair that everyone got to go home and you couldn't.

You were just about to leave the classroom when you heard the professor call your name.

"Miss L/N, a word please."

You heard a few students 'oo' and 'aw' thinking you were in trouble. But you knew better than that.

"Yes, Professor Octavius?"

He waited until all students had exited the room. "I couldn't help but feel sorry for you for not being able to see your family this winter break. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know."

"All I need is the funds. But I dont want to ask for them- that would be rude of me."

"Oh, dont worry about that, dear. I'd be glad to help."

"Thanks for the offer, but I meant what I said about exploring London."

"If your sure." He said in a slightly concerned tone.

"Although, it would be nice to have some company on my adventures." You said aloud, forgetting where you were for a moment.

"You know, my family ventures around the UK every Winter break. I'm sure they wouldn't mind a small addition to that tradition." Professor Octavius chirped, a warm smile on his face.

"I dont want to intrude-"

He was persistent. "Please, dear, I insist."

__

[ghoulsister1]

♡•♤~♤Trench Memories♤~♤•♡ ♤~♤Part 2 Headcanon♤~♤

Manfred Von Richtofen x GN!Reader. AU: WW1. Hurt/Comfort. PTSD. Coping with trauma. Some disrespect. Mentions of war being romanticised. Lack of understanding. Don't worry, there's some fluff. Manfred being such a sweetheart. Manfred comforts you. TW: Mentions of PTSD Flashbacks.

Requested by @bucketinyourwalls

♤•♤•♤•♤•♤•♤•♤•♤•♤•♤•♤•♤•♤•♤•♤•♤•♤•♤

The war is over, physical wounds may heal but the mental scars remain and Reader must navigate through a country still reeling from the effects. And must face people who have no understanding of what you gone through and people who couldn't care less. But you aren't alone, not with Manfred holding your hand.

You continued to struggle with the PTSD you developed after the war. You'd at times have nightmares during the night and it would keep you most night along with Manfred who'd wake up when he heard or sensed you were having a nightmare.

"I'm sorry Manny for waking you" You Apologise, voice weak and teary but Manfred would just pull you close and hold you in his arms, sitting up in bed and softly humming an old song to help soothe you.

"It's alright Y/N, don't apologise mein Liebesvögel. It's okay" Cooed Manfred softly, rocking you back and forth softly. He loved you and didn't care if he woke up at night with your nightmares, Manfred just wants to help you feel better and comfort you.

"You're too kind Manfred" You Whisper softly.

"Because you deserve love and warmth mein Schatz, nothing but the best" Whispered Manfred lovingly.

"And deserve nothing but the best too Manny" You Remarked softly as Manfred smiled and pressed a tender kiss to your head.

What made it tough for you was that nobody in the medical field could understand what you were suffering from. You were clearly suffering from "Shell Shock" as some soldiers called it but it wasn't medically recognised yet and treatments to "Shell Shock" included electric shocks. Manfred immediately was against such horrendous treatment.

"Nein, you are not going to be locked up and treated like that. Not my Y/N! I won't allow it Liebling" Cried Manfred and you agreed with Manfred. You suffered enough in the war, getting shocked with electricity was the last thing you wanted to go through.

Another thing you became to see was how some people with "Shell Shock" were treated. There was a stigma surrounding people with mental ailments and due to lack of understanding, lots of people looked upon such people with harsh judgement. So whenever you were out in town, you didn't show anyone what you were going through and gave them no indication. The only one who knew the pain you were going through was Manfred and Manfred would always show you support and love throughout.

As WW1 Vet, you did face some harsh and negative reactions from people.

"We lost because of you! You and the soldiers sent weren't good enough! Not strong enough!"

"Look at you, walking around expecting sympathy! Our country is ruined because of you losing! We are now all suffering!"

"Why couldn't you fight more? Huh? Why didn't you fight more?"

You did your best to ignore them, knowing they are just angry about the state the country's in now. But that didn't make their words hurt less or the dull the pain you felt at being subjected to such negativity. Didn't you suffer enough? Why must the people you fought for be the ones to verbally hurt you?

And then, there was some people that viewed you differently. They viewed you as a Hero and glorified your experience in the war.

"Wow! You are so brave! I bet you fought lots of battles!"

"How many enemies did you kill? Was there lots of shooting?"

"I bet you had fun driving a tank! Or were you inside a tank? What was it like?"

You weren't mad at them bombarding you with such questions and praise, but what bothered you the most was when a young kid came up to and they said this to you.

"When I grow up, I wanna be a soldier and fight in many battles and win medals to show how brave I am!" Cheered the child excitedly. You looked at the child, your heart had dropped and your blood went cold as you watched the child excitedly run off back to their mother.

"No! Don't ever grow up to fight in a war!" Was what you wanted to shout back but all you could manage was a weak and quiet whisper almost.

"Don't" You Whispered as you watched the child walk away, hand in hand with their mother happily. Manfred came up and stood by your side, lacing his fingers with yours and held your hand.

"Let's go Liebling" Said Manfred softly and with a nod, you and him walked on.

You realised just how much people didn't understand what war was like. They seemed to view it as some sort of exciting adventure or rite of passage to enlist and serve. They didn't understand how it was to spend living in a bunk in trenches, the stench of dead soldiers and human waste, rats invading your bunkers and food storage and the diseases running rampant amongst the soldiers, seeing your friends die right in front of you, the ever looming fear that plagues you as you hunker down in the trench, wondering if today if it will be an artillery attack or a gas attack. Wondering if today if you will live to fight or today will be your last.

Some days you look through the old photos of you and your friends, all smiling and proud before being sent to fight along the Fronts. You look at a photo of you and your friends sitting in the trench, mud and all. Despite the environment and situation, you and your 3 friends still managed to stay together and give a small smile when the photo was taken.

A tear slid down from your eye and you felt Manfred's arms wrap around you.

"I miss them so much Manny. Gunter was always cracking jokes and even when times were dire and things got bad, Gunter would always give a smile and when he did, things just felt that better and we'd pull through. Klaus would always tell us stories from his childhood, making us feel warm and remember better times. And William, oh poor William, he'd sing. He'd sing songs when times got tough to help us get through. He'd sing songs to lift our spirits and songs to make us smile. And even when he got sick, he'd still sing" You Recalled tearfully.

"They sound like good men Y/N. They were glad to have you as their friend during their time on this Earth with you. And I know they still watch over you, soldiers of Heaven now" Replied Manfred and you gave a teary smile at that.

"Soldiers of Heaven? That's a nice title for those three. They were like guardin angels to the soldiers when fighting, always making sure that no one was left behind to die. They couldn't get to everyone, but they still got men to safety. I remember we even helped a British soldier get back to his side of the battlefield. He was so shocked to be helped by us, the enemy but I think in that time we didn't see each other as enemies. We looked at each other like humans, even for that short time" You Recalled.

Manfred smiled, he remembered lots of cases where British and Germans showed kindness to one another, even if it was for a short time.

Manfred understood the frustration of how some people were just so oblivious to your situation and he saw how frustrated you get when people would come up to you and praise you for your heroism in the war.

"You fought for the German Empire and thus fought for the people! You are a hero to all of Germany and we thank you for your efforts in the war" Remarked a young man and smiled at you.

Manfred could see you were frustrated and went to grab your hand but you walked up to the young man and Manfred knew this young man was gonna get a stern talking.

"Hero? Is that what I am to you? A hero? No. I'm not a hero. I killed people, I've seen people be killed and I've seen my friends die in front of me. I got to go home, they didn't. My family smiled and hugged me while their families wept and mourned. I got live, they didn't. I'm here and they aren't. And yet I'm called a Hero by you? No. The real heroes were the ones who didn't come home. My friends are heroes" You Cried angrily. Manfred ran up and stood next to you, shooting a glare to the young man.

"But I just...." Began the young man but Manfred silenced him.

"I think you said enough. Leave us alone" Manfred Replied sternly and you watched as the young man glared at you two before walking away.

"Sorry" You Mumbled softly but Manfred kissed your cheek and gave your hand a comforting squeeze.

"Don't be. He had it coming" Manfred Replied and you gave a blushing smile as Manfred smiled at you.

Life as veteran of the war came with mixed feelings and reactions. Some looked at you with disdain, some looked at you with awe and others looked at you with sympathy due to the injury you suffered from the war, that being the loss of your right eye so you wore an eyepatch.

"You poor soul" Remarked an old lady at the market with sadness as she looked at you sympathetically as you passed by.

"Oh it's fine really. It doesn't hurt" You Replied, smiling and pointing to your eyepatch.

"Oh but still, no one should ever have to experience such horrors like what you must have witnessed" Stated the old woman and gave you a sad smile before making her way to the other market.

You gave her smile and just waved it off. At least she looked at you more like a human than a failure or hero. It was better than being looked at like a reason the war was lost or some glorious hero.

Over time, you gradually began to heal from the trauma, slowly but surely. With Manfred by your side every step of the way, it gave you strength to keep going forward.

It was frustrating and it was hard, but you kept going and continued to live your life. Eventually, even the nightmares slowly eased away but there was still some nights when you'd wake up in a cold sweat before Manfred would wrap his arms around you, pull you close and hum a tune as he rocked you gently to and fro, comforting you and bringing back from the nightmares and keeping you grounded. But apart from that, you began to slowly heal and Manfred's comforting presence that he brings always soothed you.

In 1929, a book was published detailing the horrific and traumatic experiences told from the perspective of a German soldier who fought in WW1. It was titled "All Quiet On The Western Front".

You hoped that this book will show people what war was truly like and what many soldiers experienced living in those rat invested trenches, disease plaguing the soldiers and the threat of artillery or a fog of poisonous gas looming ever present in the minds of the soldiers.

And you hoped they see and understand what you, Klaus, Gunter and William all went through and understand the mental scars you still carry. Manfred hoped they would look at you and finally understand what you had gone through.

[kumamoto-division]

😱 for the team (involve kururi & ryukyu)

"our worst fears?"-Aoba asked blinked apathyc-"what useless ask"-he said and Kunio staring him

"c'mon Aoba it is a good ask but judgment by your reaction i start....my fear is the theater basement"-he said honestly and the bluenette look him

"where the staff lock you in april fools for you don't will make a deranged joke?"-Kunio nods

"yeah but not only for it 'cause when they lock me i always get free but...the old costumes and mask in that dark basement and the abandoned props...are scary"-he said and Aoba rolled his eyes with a smirk

"I guess is my turn of answer...my fear is the idea of madness"-he said and all staring at him,even Ryukyu and Kururi

"Aoba,you know the fact of all in this room are mad,crazy and even insane it's a bit hard believe you're afraid of madness 'cause all of us are crazy"-natsume said and Aoba look the redhaired and twitches

"not exactly the madness, i'm talking about the voices...that stupid voices that i heard sometimes when they scream in my head about how useless i'am and how i need set fire something or someone,that fucking voices who i only can silence seeing that beautiful fire and heard the scream of people when they are burning alive,that voices in part was the reason of i desated the blue hell"-he said with all the eyes on him...a bit umcomfy his sister decided talking

"I'm easy my fear are dolls"-Kururi said happily until...-"what?"-she asked noticing how all look at her and most calmed Aoba said her

"Rui,how you hope we believe you fear are dolls if we know you collection them?"

"Yeah i do it nii san but the dolls i collection are porcelain dolls of a delicate and exquiste beauty like mademoiselle but i'm talking about ragdolls....his cloth bodies and eyes of button so stranges and so fakes,at least My beautiful dolls almost look humans"-she answer happily and her older brother roll his eyes

"sometimes i can't believe we are siblings....well Ryukyu is your turn"-the scientist sigh and said inexpressive

"bugs"

"bugs? Only it"-Aoba asked to his "stepfather" and Ryukyu nods

"I always hated those little shits"-Aoba nodded incredule and Natsume take advantage to answer the ask

"my fear are scissors...when i was young and mama attacked me she used scissors and made me...this-he said taking the chocker off showing discolored bruises on his neck and different reddish cuts-"even today if i see scissors much time i have traumatic flashbacks...the most recient was in niigata when i went to an art exhibition on that city...luckily i was helped by someone,i think was Ayumu san"

"that's why master Kunio received a call and went out running from theater in panic?"-Kururi asked and the married couple nodded

"yeah,i was scare when Ayumu called me from Natsume's phone and told me he suffered a traumatic flashback so I went running out to there, i'm grateful with ayumu san for helped natsume in that moment"

"me too love"